#ive just realized how far back my personal posts go and how fun it is to look back on specific things i was thinking about

[transmasc-tabris]

More screenshots (bonus, managed to find Bull a shirt and don't know how to feel about that)

[the-s1lly-corner]

If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?

I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.

TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !

oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me

CAINE:

if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too

POMNI:

as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence

JAX:

similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so

RAGATHA:

stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.

KINGER:

it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident

ZOOBLE:

zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.

"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security

GANGLE:

she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form

[sun-stricken]

Hello. I absolutely love your Fairy Tail head-canons, especially about demon slayer Gray. Feel free to take or leave these little ideas. Always love when you post <3

~

Imagine Team Natsu has to rent a vehicle or something and they require actual legal paperwork like a birth certificate and address or something like that (more than just “guild business! Gonna need this!”). Lucy doesn’t want to rent it because there is no way she’s going to be responsible for the inevitable damage. Erza, being the leader and a good friend volunteers. A few minutes later she comes back out, puzzled.

Erza: “why would they need a birth certificate? Shouldn’t me being present be proof enough of my existence?”

Gray starts snickering in the background. Natsu goes in next but comes out even earlier than Erza, cause at least Erza had a probably legal address at Fairy Hills, Natsu on the other hand lives in a house in the woods.

By the time Wendy goes in the receptionist is exasperated. “Yes I understand you are with Fairy Tail but that isn’t until page three of the paper work. None of you have made it past the first page.”

Gray finds this all very amusing.

Lucy: “Since you find it so amusing why don’t you go register, Gray!?”

Gray: mutters something

Natsu: “What do you mean you’re legally dead?!”

Cause you know, Ur just found a kid (the only survivor) and just decided to keep him. Oh, no official rescue crews didn’t show up until two days later? My kid now :)

The search and rescue teams never found any survivors in Gray’s old town so everyone was pronounced dead. The magic council or whoever is in charge of that stuff is also disorganized enough that no one realized that Gray Fullbuster is both a famous wizard and supposedly dead. So, just, Gray technically being considered legally dead the entire time he was at Fairy Tail.

~

Also, the slayers all going out on a job together(the dragon slayers had to drag Gray). The job turns out to be a trap (surprise!) and the floor just opens up revealing a giant vehicle.

Dark mage: “Ha-ha! I have bested the dragon slayer! The most powerful mages-“spots Gray just chilling, perfectly fine and not motion sick. “what are you doing?” Cause the guy was planning to capture dragon slayer, not whatever a demon slayer was (the dark mage didn’t even know demon slayers were a thing). Gray defeats the dark mage but holds it over Natsu’s head for a week.

After that anytime a large group of dragon slayers takes a job together they take Gray along for “extra security during transportation” or just extra security in general.

I also head-canon that each type of slayer magic has its own unique weakness. Dragon slayers get severely motion sick. God slayers are claustrophobic. Demon slayers cannot handle sweets. If Gray gets even a whiff of cake or any other dessert his gag reflex acts up and he gets really nauseous and other stuff like that. He of course hid it at first (he was afraid Erza would disown him) but eventually everyone learned about the weakness of demon slayers. Natsu teases him about it but never pushes it too far to the point of accidentally making Gray really sick.

Anyways, sorry for the long ask. Feel free to expand on anything. Always love some good slayer bonding head-canons and just Fairy Tail head-canons in general. <3

This was so much fun to make tbh so domt apologize, i love long asks <3 and thank for for what you said ant my posts! theyre fun to make so im glad ppl enjoy them

Oh, you have no idea how often ive though about Gray being legally dead, my personal favorite scenario is him trying to fix it and prove himself alive but cant

“How the fuck would i know my social security number??? i was eight years old! i had no reason to know!!!”

There was no dna or finger-print records of him or his family so he couldn’t prove it that way either. Apparently, declaring someone born or dead is easier than someone ‘resurrected’. To the law Gray of Isvan is dead and although Gray of Fiore bares similarities, they are two different people.

But ALSO to the law Gray of Fiore doesnt exist bc he has no birth certificate. And while hes adamant, he has no real proof beyond his word he is Gray Fullbuster of Isvan.

So basically, According to the law, Both Gray Fullbuster of Isvan and Fiore are dead and never existed, respectively.

tbh this sounds like an identity crisis waiting to happen, but what else is new with him

Erza probably tried to fix it after she was told bc she legally didnt exist for a minute either (never was filed as a real person, she was able to file for a late birth certificate on account that she wasnt claiming to be a ‘separate’ person and also Makarov did it for her) (dont ask why he didnt for Gray, i like plot holes). But quickly realized their situations were very different, him waiting over a decade to check in as a survivor with the proper authorities definitely weakened his case considering he was running around free before he decided he needed a birth certificate.

But hey, as long as he doesn’t need to rent something, or get a license or id, or work somewhere beyond Fairy Tail, or get married, or, god forbid, die again, he should be fine!

i wonder if he would be considered a ‘john doe’ if he actually died again since they have ‘no’ birth records

This also makes games like ‘two truths and a lie’ amazing

“alright so, im legally dead, i legally dont exist, and ive never physically died before” “Gray what the hell do you mean” “Guess the right one and ill tell you” “WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN THOUGH??”

i love everything to do with the ‘dragon slayers + gray’ dynamic

‘Extra security’ just turns into Gray babysitting a bunch of rambunctious dragons for hours. seriously, get this guy a reward for how he hasnt killed or maimed any of them yet.

Imagine them trying to convince Gray to walk to their destination instead of taking the train

“Its not that far!!” “its fucking 5 hours by train, How long do you think itll take to walk? Why would even you pick this job if you knew how long the ride would be??” … “nobody looked..” “are you actually serious.” … “oh my fucking god”

and thats the story of how one Demon slayer ended up having to babysit 4 very pitiful looking Fairy Tail Dragon slayers on a train. Dude had to drag them off it once it stopped too.

His side career of ‘Dragon Slayer Babysitter’ only gets harder when they realize holy shit! cold compresses can help nausea! and what do they have? a walking cold compress.

Taking a train trip with them just means second hand nausea AND embarrassment, and absolutely no personal space. A dream come true.

At least he gets to hold it over their heads

Tbh i like the irony of Dragon Slayers being motion sick because, yk, dragons can fly, so my hc for side effects for God Slayers and Demon Slayers were along the same lines

God Slayers being wide open space or flying since Gods are like the epitome of freedom? all knowing and have complete reign over everything, But claustrophobia works so much better for that same reason. It would cause extreme panic and rash decisions

And Demon Slayers was the dark because demons are supposed to be these evil creatures who thrive in the dark n stuff? basically it would send a Demon Slayer into a paranoid spiral.

But sweets being a weakness instead is such a silly thing that im gonna take it and run

Gray never cared for sweets in the first place, gave him a stomachache, but now he has to walk away from Erza mid conversation if she decides to indulge, which is almost everyday. She was absolutely heartbroken and devastated when the weakness was revealed, it was such a dramatic reaction one wouod think she was the one with the new weakness

When Gray pokes fun at Natsus motion sickness he’ll go on about how Gray is gonna have the lamest parties since he cant handle even the smell of sweets, especially cake.

A terrible realization for everyone involved with him, on par with when Gray realized he wouldnt be able to have ice cream comfortably again, thats like a staple for ice mages

heart wrenching, truly

[beebundt]

In the theme of that last post (and making you make good on your word) i wanna hear all your thoughts and inspirations for Mimsy and how she's changed over the years 👀💕 ilyb

MORGAN ILYYYY 💞💞💞 ofcccc anything for you what..... and tbh this is so indulgent for me you dont even knowwwwwwwww. bc each year i feel like i grow a better grasp on who she is as a person & the reasoning behind her decisions, but also just generally i feel like ive also really grasped her style and where i want to go in her character design. which you've already seen ofc, my loveliest dm 😌 but ill show some snippets here too so i don't feel like im doing her dirty lmao.

that being said if any of my party members could avoid this post ill love you forever.......... 🙏🙏

ive def said this before on here but mimyr's initial inspiration came from user rennybu's design of THEIR wonderful firbolg Loam, and user ckiddo's general stylisation of firbolgs + Caduceus Clay interpretations. i had really pining to make a firbolg before our campaign started and since ours was so centered around islands and the sea, i thought that make for an interesting mix as a sea-faring firbolg i hadnt really seen before, hitching rides to explore outside their secluded home. so especially in her very first design/portrait art, i leaned harder into that vibe. this is also where i first decided her clan would be represented with a mint green and it's been reoccurring since, just with the support of other colors later on. also i kind of miss her big ole ears.... they were so cute but i was also not 100% settled how i wanted blogs to look yet so she doesn't even have her tail until design 2 and her features slowly get more cow-ish.

then we had our second big design change!! right after the big ship wreck and we finally get new clothes on land. there's a literal strip of identity since our members were... literally stripped of our belongings and clothes since the ship incident so honestly there's not much to say with this one other than i imagine it's her best scrounging of cloth in a way that's comfortable to her. its more earthy, loose, comfortable, good for traveling in the hot city we were in. i imagine she specifically chose pieces with the fun beadwork/stitching and colors because she found it pretty. also im now realizing 2 years later how short she looks here oh my god. she is 7 foot, i got my proportions so wrong lmao 😭 and she gets far more wide-eyed by the 3rd which is interesting

and then there was the third iteration, im including the 4th design (second) with it too since it's really just a change in the position of her wrap but it was done at a much later time hence the style difference. im not going to lie im not a huge fan of these looking back, i think it look too cluttered but i think moving the wrap did help break it up a bit even if i still really enjoy the silhouette of the first one. although there was a more lore motivated reason for the wrap moving lmao. i remember really wanting to incorporate that dark blue, which i still do, because i think it goes nicely with the mint. i really don't like her wrap pattern though, i think it's perfectly pretty outside of this but i would've preferred to do something more elaborate and fantastical and fitting to her and not bedsheet pattern. but i couldn't come up with better at the time so it is what it is 🤷‍♀️

it brings over elements of the old design like with the waist wrap, which i think is true to her character. she is a person who likes to hoard however she can, save past materials and repurpose them. in her very first design i was even imagining her head wrap to be an old baby blanket repurposed. also i feel wishy washy about the under sweater layer but since we were moving into a colder climate it seemed fine enough at the time. i thought it looks too clingy but i think my real issue with it is that it would've felt more appropriate if she had more of a loose, flowy layer on top of it, like a robe or loose blouse? it's definitely something im considering to be done for the future.

honestly her outfits up until this point are what have really pushed me to want to step up my game and do better for her so in all this time ive been really crafting just how i visualize her style. i want to do more billowy, loose clothing with a lot of layering, things she'd feel comfortable in. including floral aspects, simple stichwork, simple fastenings that would be easy to take on and off like cloth belts/wraps. things that wouldn't annoy her or get in the way of pulling back a bow. admittedly the sleeves below may be a bit too long for that reason so it might help having some way to tie it up to her elbows or something and let it down when she gets cold.

below are some concepts of that ive been really happy with so far, plus a cute baby mimsy's outfit design lmao. AND a short hair mimsy which i can guarantee will happen at least once in the future bc she's sooooooo cute. i want to add more baubles and trinkets in her hair and maybe some hair wraps because she loves tying stuff into it and i never draw it 💔 heartbreaking

something i didn't mention as well is recently ive been thinking she's gotten too cow-ish so ive been trying to bring back that initial inspiration from c-kiddo's work with firbolgs having more cat-like (?) feature as well, which adds a fun element i think. like whiskers. i think it looks cute n feels more whimsical......

ok. POST OVER !

[a-s-levynn]

@lovingache @reveries-of-my-mind @sleepanonymous Sorry you had to wait this much but i fell asleep and then work happend and i rewrote the entire post because it made so little sense and yeah..

I certainly can't be brief with this so i'm gonna insert a cut but if you are interested, this is what ST helped and still helps me work through during my still ongoing journey of selfacceptance.

It is kind of messy, there is a lot of rambling and wandering of thoughts but finally here it is.

A lot of this is, i'm sure of it, is going to sound very familiar to you because there is a reason we gravitate towards Sleep Token. Yeah memes are fun, much shapes, the guys are cryptids, Vessel has a nice body, III is the fun chaos noodle ballerina whatever, II is cute how he simps for Vessel from behind the drumkit when he isn't destroying it, IV is obejctively the sexy one and all the shenanigens. Whatever. We all know. BUT. If we are honest we love all of it because how it was built up. Because we are all a bit broken inside in ways. And we have a way to channel it in a way many of us never been able to before. We are allowed to be broken and exist in a space where it is okay. It is understood. Like.. Never in my entire life been so comfortable with the scars on my arms as is was when i was waiting in que before an ST ritual. Just sayin..

But back to the topic. Sorry i'm prone to wander.

It's hard to get this together in a way that isn't too much about me but it is not an easy task let me tell you. I'll put a link to an abbreviated version of how i got to be the person i am because it retrospectively will add some additional context to this entire thing, but that's fully optional. But first:

a little context on how i fell into the ST pit anyway: I first found them when the second ep released. I liked the look, i checked them out solely because that masked look interesting, but i really did not vibed with the music. I wasn't listening to the lyrics.

Next time they came into my field of vision before the release of TPWBYT. I still wasn't fully sold but there were a few tracks that got trough to me from Sundowning. Still not all of it. I wasn't paying attention still.

And then the end of last year came and something started an itch in my brain to take them out again.. and i finally sat down and read the lyrics properly. I never in my entire life sobbed so uncontrollably like when i first experienced Atlantic with actually paying attention to the lyrics.

And then the TMBTE singles started to release, then the album came. It's not a coincidence i said it's akin to a pilgrimage. It was an emotional pilgrimage to me, and still is every time i do it. And i was fairly normal about all of it. It hit me for sure, but i actually was lost when i finally saw them live. It just broke through like a dam in a flood. That concentrated energy is something that is hard to describe. Anyway. Now here i am.

So the things Sleep Token helped me with, that 10+ years of objectively unsuccesful therapy miserably failed to achieve.

being able to cry properly

being unapologetic about what i like

being able to start to feel my feelings

being unashamed by feelings that are generally considered problematic

being able to process in a much more healthy way if something is not okay in my head

ST gave me a healthier coping album to listen to when i'm on my lows

I'm not saying i'm perfectly fine by a weave of a magical drumstic, what i'm saying is that i stab myself significantly less when i can't focus for the life of me.

So maybe go over the bulletpoints i guess?

1. crying

With ST i felt finally seen in a way i never had before. I never was a cryer, but since i actually got into ST, i do sometimes. Not all the time but probably a far healthier amount then before. Because not crying is unhealthy. It doesn't make you strong and all that crap. It just adds to the unnecessary weight you carry. Some realize this sooner and i'm so happy for them beause it is important.

2. being unapologetic of my interests

I meantioned it before, an it was what sprang this entire long ass post to existance, but let it be here as well: i was unlearning a lot of thing and being apologetic over what i like is one for them. And i was progressively better and better at it, but like lately it just blew through the stratosphere because one cannot talk about Sleep Token and not sound kind of mental at least a bit. And at this point i don't give a shit. I like what i like, it doesn't hurt anyone. If someone laughs at me for it? Good for them at least i made them smile.

The context of this is a friendgroup i was in from around 14 to 20 and it had good paarts but ultimately was an emotionally controlling one, which i realized far too late. And it already created patterns and habits. Needless to say, i don't talk to any of them anymore.

3. feeling the feelz

This is where i'm going to start to sound really weird i think but who knows.. maybe more of you are in the same shoes than i would think.

From a considerably young age i was repressing basically every strong emotion possible. Happyness, sadness, excitement even anger to a certain degree. It started with the sadness, and emotional pain but as with everything it spiraled out to the rest of my emotions. I was also basically in a constant fight or flight mode which just propells you forward at any given time, when you should have stopped to feel shit.

And after a while that creates this weird dissonance of not really feeling anything and at the same time having the empathy, emotional maturity and social awareness to understand how others feel in given situations. Moreover i was acutely aware how i should feel in certain moments, it just.. never really happend. I knew the correct answers to the proverbial questions but my brain just put up a wall and never let me actually feel anything. I was simply empty.

This created the perfect blank slate for me to be the quote on quote emotional mirror for all my friends and even family at times. So usually people came and still come to me to be a sort of free therapist or something like that. Just spitballing what they are going through and reflecting it back to help them understand. And don't get me wrong i love helping people, i really do, and also when the conversation is over, some of their relief is left behind for me and it was at least something.

But at the end of the day i was constantly left with this feeling of "who am i in all this?" , "where is the person whom i can call me?" and that is a very lonely place of being. Especially when you are younger. (This is i think, at least partially, why i may have caught on to the vibe what Vessel supposed to be about. Because either i like it or not, i get what it's like. At least a version of it. To be so empty that anything and everything that creates the illusion of feeling something, anything, it is good enough for the moment.)

And here comes Sleep Token again. Because the songs are highly, highly emotional. And here comes the brilliance of Vessel as a character because by design a vessel is a blank slate. Could be anyone, because it is supposedly empty. Which is a very familiar state of being for me. And that is what made for me so easy to connect and by proxy going through the motions and start to get eased into being comfortable with feeling things again.

It still in it's infancy, that is why i'm a wreck at days, because i'm still relearning stuff that was last natural for me around two decades ago. But i wanna get there. When i can just feel, without guidance. But this is something none of my supposedly professional therapist knew what to do with.

And here comes this british sadboy with his masks and bodypaint and i'm finally nudged away from point zero? Yeah, you can bet your ass i'll take my chances and be grateful for the rest of my life no matter how far it gets me. If it is a tenth of an inch than it is a tenth of an inch. It is still more progress than i ever had before.

4. being unashamed of feelz

Sounds contradictory to the previous point but not really. If you ever felt.. for example let's say obession, true obession you know it's not like any other feeling. It works differently. Not easily controllable and it could lead to anger and rage, end in agression, all sorts of not so great things.

These are stuff we all try to repress for understanable reasons. This is the stuff we know are bad because they usually can lead to bad things. We hear it all our lives. They aren't bad. Not necesseraly. So we shouldn't be afraid to feel them. Not without understanding they are there, either one wants it or not. These are just as natural than any other feeling and no less dangerous than the rest.

They are part of the human condition. But we need to learn to live with them and control them. Repressed things tend to just explode one day and that is when the damage happens. When something can exist in a controlled enviroment, and can be observed from different angles it can be understood. And we are usually not afraid of things we understand. We deal with them. That is the whole point.

And yet again, obsession is a heavy and somewhat recurring theme in ST lyrics either actually or on a meta level if you pay attention. And the way it is presented and integrated into the whole of the story created with the discography is what solidifies it as, a thing than can be observed. It can be understood.

And the honesty of how it is presented what makes me comfortable with the fact that no, i'm not a freak, i'm not abnormal because of it. But there is a conscientious choice to be made how i deal with it. How i learn to direct it to something positive and create something with it, insted of going the other way.

It's like murder. Everyone thinks about it. It doesn't mean everyone is a potential murderer waiting to snap. Fuck no. But we do think about it. Is it okay to think about it a lot? It's not my place to decide how much is too much. But thinking isn't the problem. It is how we talk about the fact that we think about it, can be a problem. Anyway i'm diverging to much into philosophising territories. It happens, sorry.

5. processing the mess in my head

This is a pretty straightforward one actually. My mind is a mess. My long term memory is patchy, the short term one is barely existant. I understand a lot of the world in certain ways but i know so little in others. ST makes me think a lot more.

I always catch a word or a phrase or a line, maybe a verse, that lodges itself behind my eye for a time and i just keep it rolling. Associating on it, connecting it to other stuff. It stops me for a minute and forces me to roll an idea over and over and over and over again in my head and just run with it until i end up with some sort of epiphany.

It doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be the smallest thing, something like a shiny glass ball in a box of far more interesting toys. But it is my glass ball, I picked the colour inside.

6. a healthier coping album

Yeah this one.. So for the longest time when my mind got murky and getting too lost into the void, music was what could drag me out of it. Since i was a kid, the album that could kick me back towards the tracks was Phobia from Breaking Benjamin. I put it on an usually by the end of it i sort of was back on a functioning state. Not a good place but a functionig one. But if you ever heard the album in it's entirety, it is hardly an uplifting one.

Now when i feel low i roll the first two ST albums in sequence. By the time i reach missing limbs i feel actually better. My mom put it to words really well when she said "I don't understand the words of what this man is singing about but i can guess he is not happy. Is it about sad things right? I feel that. But i like it because it feels more comforting instead of making me sad as well." And that i thinks sums it up pretty well. Because it is no longet the outstreched hand of you-are-not-alone but the outstreched soul that cries you-can-find-yourself-in-me. And that is the definition of comforting for me. (Yes i love that phrace because it fits, let me be proud of myself for saying something that sounds good for once.)

And that is pretty much it for now. There should be a few more things ST is a reasonably large part of my self-journey but i've gotta think on it more i think. I'm not even sure i realize all of it.

I'll link a separete post here at the end which sums up how i got to this place i am. It is heavily abbreviated but it is still feels too long. It is certainly far more personal than this but i think it adds context to what was written above. But i don't want to clutter this one with that kind of personal stuff, also it's just an optional thing for anyone who wishes to maybe understand me a bit better and where i come from. [link to said post] Just for the record: this post does mention mental a physical abuse (no sexual one), self harm, mental issues, so all the fun stuff, but does not detail it.

[fortifice]

*violently jumps on your back* I LOVE YOU RAY! I love how elegant and immersive your writing is, I love the in depth headcanon posts and drabble one-shots you wrote giving us insight into Gepard’s mindset and the details behind the scenes you don’t get to fully explore when writing with another person.

I ADORE his character growth from someone who was taught to toe the line and obey without question to realizing even the heroes whose footsteps he’s following aren’t infallible and have fucked up despite doing the best they could in really dire circumstances.

Don’t get me started about our dynamics together! I LOVE writing and chatting with you about Gep and Aven, I love how he is with Serval and Lynx. I’m also a big fan of yours & Terios’ writing together because it’s like reading a really long slow burn fic and I’m just 👀 the whole time waiting to see what happens next.

I’m not going to lie, most of the Jarilo quests were kind of a haze to me because I didn’t even fully understand what the game was about for like the first month of playing it, but you write about Gepard and Belobog so COMPELLINGLY that it’s making me want to start a throwaway save just to replay it because you’ve made Gepard, the Landaus and everything about their stories so interesting to me!

Anyway I’m done babbling but. It’s v normal to question and have doubt about your writing and portrayal, we’ve allllll been there. I just wanted you to know how fun and talented I think you are!

Thank you luna ????? :pleading: i’ve done my best to show insight into my portrayal in ways that sort of reflect the way he acts and interacts with the world ?? so i’m glad that you and others enjoy reading my drabbles and hcs and seeing what makes gepard landau the suffering gay that he is !!! Ive had alot of fun plotting with you thus far and it’s interesting to see that while they both come from entirely different walks of life that they sort of ?? have an understanding between them that is reflected in alot of our writing ? As for the ray and terios writing train I cannot promise you that this slowburn train isn’t heading straight for angst because it will :)) so strap in for that !!! terios won’t let me have happiness for more than 2 minutes at a time so i dont forget that chaos is coming for gepard landau and for me :)) thank u great aeon aha  :’))) And it’s just nice to know that my writing sparks an interest in belobog and the characters involved in that world / quest line because they all mean alot to me and allot of them mean alot to gepard too :’)))) Thank you for enjoying my writing and stay tuned for 100000 more years of gepard landau suffering. 

[tonydaddingham]

Because of my heart break over Good Omens season 2, I have been trying to predict what might happen in season 3. Here's what I've got: I think Aziraphale takes on the forces of Heaven. I think Aziraphale is going to realize, the hard way, how toxic Heaven is and is going to fight Heaven to save humanity. And, I think he will start this fight alone.

Aziraphale has constantly shown that he values humanity above Heaven, but he has never really been given the chance to understand that Heaven doesn't have the same values. I mean he's seen it, but he has been told for centuries that Heaven is good - when you're told something so often it makes it hard to unlearn. He will not be able to stand by as Heaven does something to hurt humanity. He also will not be willing to see humanity last only 6000 years. I think there was a bit of foreshadowing that he will fight for Crowley's nebula to get a chance to really grow. I think having him start this battle on his own allows him to get his personal growth, and show Crowley that he is ready to fight for the things he loves (including Crowley). From there everyone will come together. I would also bet that we will get to see a lot more from God in the next season.

Any ways here's to feeding my delusions of everything being fine and Aziraphale and Crowley living happily in love forever.

hi lovely, i know your ask came in a while ago but I've needed to really take a minute to think about it properly!!!✨ I feel like ive been burned by fire as far as prediction goes (ie i got NUFFINK right haha), and think i ought to just stick to analysis lmao💀

however, possible thoughts on s3:

- second coming = greasy johnson, first up

- in terms of aziraphale, i think he's going to get a taste of actually how difficult it truly is to run heaven. i don't think we're suddenly gonna have him self righteous and be pitting himself against all of heaven's bureaucracy, because i think we need to see actually how difficult it is (as much as id hate to feel ANY empathy with any of the archangels). there's going to be red tape, stupid rules that must be followed for the greater good, moral dilemmas that as a lower angel he didnt appreciate had to be made... being a boss is hard. it's not fun, you have to please a lot of people, and make everything fair whilst essentially keeping a business afloat. i think, as it stands, it's pretty obvious that aziraphale is Not Suited for it, but is too much of a good person to not take his opportunity to make things Better

- the motives behind the metatron are going to be interesting to uncover. something tells me sTILL that aziraphale and crowley, together as a unit, are part of the ineffable plan, and this was a plan to separate them in order to prevent certain things coming to fruition (eg metatron references the second coming, but what if he's trying to prevent it???)

- the BoL has to come in again somewhere (the phrase chekovs gun now gives me a Twitch), but again i think that heaven has misunderstood what it actually is. i wonder, as the link says, if it's actually the deciding journal, or at least has a chapter in it, that chooses which angels fall and which don't... which, if aziraphale was meant to fall originally (and crowley took his place - TOTAL headcanon at this point), that could explain a lot about some motives crowley to keep aziraphale from returning to heaven's clutches, a last big secret that could make or break them... anyway i disgress

- idk about god. what really strikes me is the golden glow from heaven in s2e2, vs the sterile white we see now. plus, metatron essentially being de-facto sovereign over heaven? i think god fucked off a long while ago... i suspect she will come back, but maybe not as prominently as we'd like

- idk about crowley's s3 arc, im still thinking about that, he's probably gravitated towards tadfield or the south downs or st... but we're less than 12 hours post s2 release so all a little premature to be thinking about really!!!✨

[celestie0]

Hello ellie! 😍 im just here to drop a ‘few’ words so don’t mind me 🤪 (i fear it may have turned into a yapsesh oopsies!)

Help omg idk if this is tmi but like im on my period and I was reading chap 3 of ihm right… and how could i prevent myself from laughing at my fav goofy ahh lighthearted romcom series on tumblr? 😔 put 2 and 2 together and boom i had my ketchup bottle moment when reading the dialogue bye 💀🤚 I LITERALLY HAD TO STOP FOR A MOMENT TO PROCESS WTH JUST HAPPENED LOL

Anyway, i rlly LOVEEEE your writing style for ihm,, the goofiness n domesticity is what I need as therapy for the heart wrenching angst fics ive read 😤 the way you write y/n + gojo’s dynamic and quarrels never fail to make me crack up like an egg and i love you for that 😔 THANK YOU FOR CREATING A COMFORT FIC FOR US ALL 🥺🫶

I hope I’m not stepping out of line here but your feelings abt the smut in ihm is totally valid and i understand you. That anon probs didn’t intend on bringing any harm but like there’s bountiful of smut in the jjk fandom that I’m sure they could have read instead of commenting smth so ignorant and disrespectful 🥲 Pls every time i search ‘jjk x reader’ in the search tab, i’m always greeted by endless posts of smut one-shots 😭 but fr this fandom actually needs to stop being a buncha horny brainrots bc im actually over repetitive and predictable smut,, everything just feels so shallow :,0 (everyone is entitled to their own opinion so dont atk me pls) and them invading your personal space by demanding smut is just not it… and we all know you don’t have to cater to them bc u don’t owe them anything! no need to listen to the smut hungry anons bc they don’t even care abt the blood, sweat and tears you pour into ur fics if they’re pushing you to write smut 😡‼️ they can go fulfil their dirty desires somewhere else ;-;

Words seriously cannot express how much I love your stories and just wanna applaud you for not immediately jumping into smut and actually having relationship buildup,, it makes the stories have sustenance and ik u want ur fics to be memorable in a unique way to your lovely readers 😇 but we seriously need a smut ban n touch grass movement in the jjk fandom for a bit bc this is getting out of hand 😭

I LOVE YOU ELLIE AND PLS DONT BE DISCOURAGED BY THESE SILLY ANONS BC AT THE END OF THE DAY THEY R NOTHING + YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM (us ACTUAL readers and gojo) WILL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK AND SHOWER U IN THE LOVE THAT U DESERVE!!! ❤️

hiii bb!! PLEASE the ketchup bottle moment sent me to the moon also so fucking relatable xD and omg i'm so glad you enjoy the lightheartedness of ihm so far!! it's been sm fun to write and it's become a comfort fic of my own as well <33

thanks so much for the support on the smut thing <3 i've been toggling back n forth between feeling awful for coming at that anon like that vs being glad i stood up for myself lol, but ultimately, i just needed to share my perspective. i don't think they were trying to be rude either, which is why i felt bad, but i spoke my truth lol

and i totally agree w you (pls no one attack me either) but i'm honestly kind of sick of just seeing straight smut on my feed. like it's fine when i'm in the mood but the tumblr algorithm for jjk feels like your partner constantly begging you for sex 24/7 lol. but yea power to whatever someone wants to read, but don't impose it on an author.

anywho i've been talking a lot ab this situation lolol i feel like there's nothing i haven't said anymore but i totally agree w everything you've said!

thanks sm for you lovely words of support bb :'') i love u tooo and i'm so blessed to have the community of support i have on here!! this situation has definitely made me realize i'm not alone. have a wonderful dayyy (also hope your period is treating you well) <3

[bambaooo]

2022

i doubt anyone is still on here anymore lol. shit, i barely am, i saw the las thing i posted and i dont even remember when it was lol

but yeah, 2022 was a wild ass year. alot has happened, and probably the most eventful year of my adult life thus far. 

soooo, in january was my last month of work at my job at the time. I was put in a weird position where the contract I was working for ended early and i was laid off. i feel like any other person would have been freaking out, but luckily i was still finishing up my last semester of grad school. For the first time since graduating undergrad was basically free any not working. coming from me, ive since i was in highschool I was always the type of person to want to work work work and make bread. So basically from once i could work when I was 16, i was working every chance i could get until this month. I looked at it as my opportunity to finally take somewhat of a break from working cause I know I wouldnt get an opportunity like this again. 

Although i did have hella plans for the next 6-8 months after finishing my job, i still had grad school to finish so basically from February to like Mayish I kinda just laid low and just took hella walks, worked out, and did school. i was going to sleep pretty late every night, waking up whenever and just going with the flow. there were some events scattered here and there like family parties, Allison’s cousins’ wedding in march which was fun. 

But come end of April into May, is when the real fun shit began. Went to the first of many muisical preformances. the first one was Brian McKnight which was wild. He is hella good live. and then shorly after I finished grad school.  First I finished grad school with two fucking masters degrees. One witha  4.0 and the other with a 3.9. I want to take a moment to realize how wild that is. In undergrad I legit was on academic warning and have a 1.7 gpa LOL. shit was wild. But also early on in May we went to see jame arthur in silver spring which was fun. Around mid May I went to Miami fora  day trading conference, definately a wild expereince. I learned a lot, but also met a lot of cool people. First solo trip and it was fun. A few weeks later went to my friends wedding wehre i got to catch up with other hommies and it was chill. 

Before we knew it, it was June. Something in the water was definiately something to remember, dope to see all these live performances and just be out and about. Glad to have experienced once while it was in DC for probably the only time ever. And literally a day or two after I went to trip 2 of the summer to Massachusettes for adrians weddings. First time doing a road trip like that, and it was pretty fun. Being with old friends, in a new area, just enjoying life. I was able to eat edibles, get drunk. and try lobster by itself for the first time ever and it was a good time. Stopped by in jersey on the way back and went to jersey smorgasburg and it was dope! it just kinda sucked a little while after, cause I found out i had covid a day or 2 after coming back from from the trip. but luckily it was very mild and was good to back by 4th of july. 

After a few more weeks in july, i was on my way to SoCal. 2nd a last solo trip. this trip was probably one of my favorite trips I have taken in my life to be honest. teh weather was good, was able to go to the OC fair, smorgasburg LA, and went to a reggae festival. I know the way I am with island music might seem a little weird to people, but shit, that festival was fun af. Going to concerts by yourself is fun af. Also while I was there i got to meet up with some VCU hommies and my cousin! 

After getting back home it was only a few more weeks until the last trip of the summer. Me and Allisons first trip of the year to Miami after her semester ended. It was fun too cause i didnt really go to the beach when I went in May. And I got to eat a bunch of food that I didnt get to eat the first time too. Its honestly just nice to hangout and do what we normally do, but in a different environment. 

A few weeks afterr we did a little trip to RVA/charlottesville. Allsion got us tickets for WIcked and it was dope. We were able to explore around richmond, and I got to show allsion on my favorite places to eat in rva. 

During this whole last few months from July to septermber I was consistently apply for jobs, going through interviews be lowkey being stressed about job searching. I was stressed, but not that stressed cause I knew id get a bite eventually but not knowing when was stressful. Luckily in september I got my first offer and was able to start my job in october. Fully remote and working in my field. 

October was a bunch of going back and forth between DC for work stuff and learning shit. November I kinda realized that I will have a lot of free time and that its gonna be alot of free time and pulled the trigger on fulfilling my lowkey dream of working in a grocery store. 

Holidays this year were very chill and nothing to crazy. Thanksgiving we bounced around between Allisons and My family. Christmas was more bouncing around MD and VA, being around familiy and enjoying ourself. It was honestly the first time in a while that Christmas felt like something worth celebrating. Also I actually reached out and caught up with friends. Like i feel like its very rare for it to happen, but getting together with my friends is something I will always enjoy. and tonight its NYE. My ass is at home, with no plans cause I got work a whole foods tomorrow and im completely okay with it. My life has been full of celerations and family and im okay with going into the new year chill. 

2022 has honestly been such a blessing. Going into the new year, many people want to exceed what they did in the previous year, but im already at the point that I am accepting that this past year was just so crazy that 2023 might just be a chill year. I remember I had a year i called teh “rebuild” in like 2017 or 2018, when it came to lifitng, but this will be a different type of rebuild, financial and health rebuild. I want to get my money right and get back lifting again.

but yeah, 2022 has been just full of blessing and i am fortunante to have been able to do the things that I have been able to do this year. Unlike 2022, I do not have any big plans for the year, and whatever happens will happen. Im excited for it, and am ready for what ever comes back at me. 

[dumbassh0e]

I miss you bud.

It's been almost a month and you still live in my mind. Which really says something, because I've got a notorious tunnel-vision for the people i spend thoughts and feelings on when they're not in my life. outta sight outta mind.. but here I am, and there you are, every day. Like literally i dont think a days gone by without u. doesnt help you watch all of my stories and post what seem to be attempts at communicating through related humor. I s2g its like youre reaching out.

I can't even satiate the craving to connect with you with some flaccid meme, a weak, broken kindling to remind you the fires still going for me, because I know you're not gonna reach out and break my gentle request for no contact. I'm driving myself insane. This is what yearning is lmao.

I swear, it's like i can feel him. It's the strangest thing. Ive never felt like this before, so theres no comparison i can make that would provide clarity, but it's so clear anyway. I have never felt this way about a person and it's so gently intense, scary and pure. It feels like love. Like friend love, sincere and fun. I sincerely hope these diary entries on a dorky blog won't turn out to be the insane scribbles of an unrequited obsession. It's not obsession. It's just pure love, i really believe that. But it's hard to wonder what he's feeling and if he feels what I'm feeling. Does he think of me as often as i think of him?

Honestly? I think so. Again, don't ask how. I just sense it. I think he's out there, a few exits away going about his day and I'll pop into his head. I wonder if he still gets shit about me from his buddies.

Our coworkers, your buddies, who made fun of you for having such an obvious connection to me, and who would ask me about you as though i had some intimate knowledge of your life, when in fact we were both quite respectfully keeping our distance. But youd get teased anyway, and we, too blind to see that we made too much eye contact when we smiled and always wanted to be around each other, would roll our eyes at their jokes. 'Now that abbys leaving you can start sitting with us!' I remember being a little shocked they could think I'd have that amount of sway. But the way you just ignored him to look at me with a dismissive expression made me smile. Like we were making fun of him now. It made me realize, looking back, they were right.

Do you still roll your eyes when they tease you? Or do you give it thought?

Or do you get angry. Do you get excited when my name comes up? What face will you make when you get my gift?

I hope you like it buddy. I have nowhere to put these thoughts and feelings and i dont dare put them into words on a silly card with silly gifts. But i hope you can look at my silly gifts and see the silly thoughts that went into them, my silly feelings for you. I hope it reminds you youre loved and special. And that im really funny. I miss laughing really hard with you.

And yknow what? I dont care anymore, i get it now. Im gonna say it -- I hope you muster the strength to break up with your girlfriend.

I've grappled with feeling like a bad person every time i even approached the thought, and i dont know her so i cant condemn her, but it isnt about her being a bad person, it's that they're wrong for each other. when its not working, its not working, but hes in too deep. He's deeply sad and it's starting to show. People are starting to notice noah, because different people have told me youve been down. I get why. In fact ill go so far as to say i feel it too.

And man, you've only ever had sad things to say about her and the relationship. I got the sense you didnt want to talk about it when we started to talk about it, so i tried leaving it alone. But i wonder now if i failed you as a friend by trying to help you help the relationship. The fact is youre unhappy and your needs are unmet and your boundaries are trampled over. It's all you mention. I made the mistake of bringing this to your attention and i think you were unprepared to cope with it. I'm sorry.

I'm naïve and eager, i know that, but im not so desperate or stupid as to think there's nothing between us. It's not just fun, it's powerful. So i hope you can hold onto my memory as a hope. I hope I'm not too selfish for wanting you to find your independence. I hope im not evil. I hope you know that. You make me want to be a good person. I see you as a really good person, and yet to learn a new weakness or flaw or vulnerability you might have only draws me further into you. I want you noah, even if never to be with you, i just want to be able to be around you. It's not about sex or romance. Not inherently. I just want you.

I just wanna laugh with you, all the time, about nothing. I wanna talk to you all the time about everything, and i wanna learn about you, and i wanna see who you are and how you live, and i wanna make you smile. I want you to love me like i love you. And i really dont wanna ruin it with sex. I just want your eye contact, all the time.

Noah, i miss you. I hope you're doing okay. I hope you miss me too.

[macharaara]

I said I was gonna use Tumblr like a diary so here we go

All I have left to wait around for is an MRI of mah brain. Hopefully that's chill and I'm all good haha But it won't be for a while.. actually it's not eve scheduled. Waiting to hear back which could take months apparently, gotta love that.

On the plus I have the future to look forward to.

Realized some things about myself that I wouldn't have understood if it hadn't been for an entire year of a panic disorder amongst other things (OCD diagnosis, ARFID, Migrain issues) landing me in the ER left and right... man hospital bills.

But I plan to go into Zoology/Wildlife Conservation at a college close to my boyfriend then plan to get a place. I'm pretty over art being my career, it's not me turns out. Funny how that works since it's been my entire life. Ive always loved animals and helping with issues/learning about the environment and habits of species. For some reason I just stuck to art because thats all I knew, it was the only source of validation I had ever. My personality was never enough, I wasnt good at math or science, I hardly had any friends, and the ones I did have smothered me in their own toxic behavior that I found myself simply justifying or dealing with it because I didn't know any better. But speaking of, I have good people in my life that don't make me feel like a burden, less than, or ungrateful anymore.. I'm happy and hopeful for once. Ive got people who understand and are patient with my closed off anxious habits. Theres no judgment or pressure, just a lot of love.

Random side note, I also picked up crochet? It's super fun, I've made so many things lol

Let's see.... trying to catch up on One Piece, that's been a ride. Still keeping up with M!IK and Spy x Family.

I haven't streamed much since my vision episodes have gotten worse but I'm hopeful one day I can return to that. Until then it's watching stuff on my phone, snuggling my cat Clover (who I've definitely forgotten to mention here), and annoying my boyfriend because, duh.

Anyway, no idea when I'll post a little diary/journal entry next, and I know nobody cares, it's more so for me to just release my feelings somewhere.

But if anyone did read this for some reason thanks for getting this far.

I'm happy to be getting my old self back and looking forward to every day.

Here's to tomorrow then!

~Van

[oathofthebedtime]

crop post :/

[amygdalae]

i am thinking about Hellboy

[descendantofthesparrow]

this is gonna sound-not wrong-but like “you shouldn't write for this” and ashduiashda whatever, i don't care, but-i think im getting...Discouraged to write for Harry :/ i love the chaotic fucker still, mans is my first legitimate crush and i sill want to write for him and at least finish all the stories i started for him. but...i don't get anything back for writing him, and i know i shouldn't write for validation or attention but-i don't get any comments, or like-anything anymore for him; im also basically-his only writer on here-and every once in a while ill get a comment, or a rare reblog, but its just...discouraging to get no response to something i wrote and fell in love with (poyw 2.0 being my most recent thing that's gotten like-nothing) i basically put rypl on semi-perm hiatus cuz i never get anything on it, i asked forever ago if anyone would want it to continue and got alot of people asking me to continue, but when i posted the next part....there was nothing

idk, i think i might take a break from Harry, i love him, and of course ill make stupid personal stuff and finish the stuff that is currently going (cant stop this feeling) but...idk, just-getting nothing in response to my writing, and ouad getting so much attention (even if its just because its one of the few fics available) just made me realize....writing for Harry isnt as....fun anymore.

which sucks, i love this mother fucker, he’s the reason i truly dove into writing, the reason ive developed my art, hes how i made so many friends on here but...idk...i just feel like im standing here alone in my corner and no one bothers to look twice. like yeah ill get likes but...it just feels nice to get a comment or whatever my works .

i guess the closest thing i could link this too would be burn out. so i guess this is kinda my announcement that, after this little harry commission im writing. im going to be taking a break from Harry, ill prob still post something of him once in a while, but most likly, encore 2.0 will be a very slow updating fic and any oneshots, or other multiparts-will be very few and far inbetween...idk.

i guess i just feel sad that i dont really get any validation for my stupid stuff, which i know, i know isnt the point of writing/art but-it still feels nice and getting noting i guess has-pulled me away from writing for Harry.

so-this is a temporary goodbye to Harry Hook, hope to see you soon dude.

[emmamountebanks]

Okay, I GOT to ask: what are your Brinivybank headcanons? Like whats the full story behind these besties suffering together? And how angsty does this get? I need to know cuz you put this triplet in my head and I'm obsessed

omg

ive thrown up so much baloney about them over the months so some stuff i say may be lowkey rehashing but oh well! these are my babies!!

i ended up writing more than intended so it's put under a cut

i can already just kind of picture dylan meshing well naturally with both emma and max over the summer (in the event max made it ofc). emma and max would take a bit more time to even interact with each other but the second emma makes a dumb joke and max responds with something dumb back, it's clicked.

since max was originally listed in his bio as class clown before dylan's intro video gave him it, they're already on the same level. supermassive didn't let skyler and miles interact because they would've been too powerful together. the three of them would be just dumb shenanigan snark fests and everyone hates to love them. they are the perfect goofball menaces to compliment their partners, and they love terrorizing them together.

as far as the actual canon events though, i always just like to believe max and emma meet post-surviving that night. they have to. emma snatched his clothes and got his ugly wolf mug on her phone, she needs to make fun of him for it. and with biting/trying to bite her i can just see him being like "whoops my bad i didn't eat before the moon came up". u know she wants to be mad but with his lil hoodie and awkward dumb joke she can't be mad.

i needed just more of emma and dylan, too. they love being annoying!! they want to break into cabins and be gay do crimes!! the most i get for any sort of bonding is if abi's died and dylan recaps the story to her. she opens up in front of him and kaitlyn! she's letting her real emotions out for once and lets her stage presence drop! and then they just never interact again. what the hell!

but post-game! they have a great support system going. they all share almost the same fear, of not being good enough or trying to act like someone they're not because that's what makes people happy. dylan and emma put on a show since they think that's what the people want. max hated upsetting laura since he didn't tell her about college. he wasn't falling in line with the plan of what she wanted them to be anymore. none of them want to make anyone sad. they just want to have fun, tell jokes, be silly, and stay afloat.

after all the werewolf trauma, it's rough for them to bounce back to their normal selves, but i think they'd feed on each others energy and remember its okay to still smile. having everyone else alive and around definitely helps speed up the healing process too.

i also imagine if laura and ryan don't come back, dylan remembers max's name and her story of leaving him there. he and emma go together bc emma wants to know who the hell the bitch was that tried to eat her - and its just some goofball that's wearing a cropped pink hoodie. her desire to throw hands is instantly gone because he looks just so sad waiting for laura at the dock and he's like "who are u guys.. wheres my girl"

my favorite kind of angst for them is the run i just did where they were my only three survivors, and infected each other. i personally feel like there's a strong bond that forms between werewolves after infection - so now that their love interests are dead, they rely on each other 10x more for support. cuz no one is going to understand it like they do. cuz max is the reason emma bit dylan and now they're just stuck with it. they don't know the source of the curse, and no one is around to tell them anymore.

alone but together. every month, they dread the night that reminds them and forces them to be the cause of everything they've lost. they met up right after, realized what happened, and realize that it's just them. emma gets their numbers, they have a little group chat to keep each other sane. then when it's a full moon, they meet up to be together and accounted for, and lock themselves away.

another full moon later, they get a place to stay and move in with each other. it's easier and more comforting this way, and it's easier for them to keep their humor when it's in one safe space.

but the survivors guilt eats at them for a while. max is sad that he couldn't have done anything to help laura, that she died trying to help him. emma is sad she wasn't there for abi, that the last time she saw her she kissed abi's crush. dylan is sad that ryan went off and never came back, and he'll never know if something more could've happened.

while it takes a long time to heal, they eventually slowly come to terms with their fates. but they'll still never be okay.

maybe there's an off chance they can get chris to help, since he'd have to live for them to stay infected. but with the rest of the hacketts dead, chris is just as helpless as them on the night of an actual full moon. who could even cure them at this point?

[anissapierce]

Ok ive spent the last twelve hours switching off btwn sleeping n watching all the fire island interviews and ive come to many a conclusion.

:readmore:

So obviously it's not a one for one adaption of pride n prejudice but the main characters all map up onto each of the sisters. And it does feel off that Torian Miller was cast as the 'plain' sister Mary. Theres criticisms to be had about how this perpetutes already harmful patterns w how fat Black folks esp fat gay Black folks esp are presented. Torian is a friend of Joel from back in Chicago and they were both running in the theatre scene there and im glad he was cast because he did a fantastic job.

I like the fact that the film let's the viewers know that Max is desirable though, there was care put into knowing how each of these characters are being seen. Hes just a much more private character so all of his trysts are off screen. Like i do like how they didnt nail home too hard abt max being like mary, where she thought highly of her brains but rlly she wasnt very smart. Max has his moments but as a character the narrative have the instances where he is right on the money. And i wish we had gotten more of him after he broke his 'sobriety 'because that could've been a rlly rich scene.

But the subtext alone is more than i wouldve expected of him feeling like 'oh this is our last week here and i want them to pressure me like they used to partake with them is this bc they respect me? No it must be bc theyve given up on me as a friend. I have to show them i can be fun!'

Needlessly to say Max is my favorite character bc i love the neglected middle children in things .

Also i do appreciate the fact that they had both Luke and Keegan vying after Dex, leaving it up to interpretation at first who dex was actually going to go for? Like ok yes The characters names were Luke and Keegan so they werent hiding which character was supposed to map on which. But the film had already changed things by having Dex pursue Noah so it wouldn't be entirely out of the realm of possibility.

Its interesting to have Tomas (a nonbinary afrolatine actor who's far and above the youngest on the cast) as the Kitty. I think both in Part bc Joel wanted to give Matt a more juicy part n also bc he realized that this scene of a white man taking advantage of a Lydia/Luke who was a person of color might be too much.

Also i loved the moment where Will pulls out Dex's Instagram to try and plant a seed of doubt about Dex's morality n like hes scrolling down and hes one of those ppl tht posts naked w like #stopasianhate sign over his crotch? Like idk why that resonated so much but it did. Like if course Noah's phone being dead meant that he had to be shown Dex's Instagram instead of that being one of the first things he did after meeting him. N yeah sussing someone out by checking out their social media is par for the course.