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roger-that-cap · 4 years

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tolerate it

part 2/2 of cardigan!

so, this is the follow up to my first ever one shot (guess not anymore LMAO) up here! i sincerely hope that you guys like this, because it was like pulling teeth for this one. every now and again i’d find a golden one and smack it in there and hope that one decent line made up for all the others.

natasha romanoff x fem!reader

this was the hardest thing ive ever had to write (simply because there was so much emotion in it and it was hard to reel myself back in just to cast out again) and i had to write a paper on nathaniel hawthorne.

warnings: pretty angsty for me, bittersweet, um- why do i write angst, DRAMATICS hahaha

word count: 4.5k!

would like to remind you that i do not own taylor swift songs! this one borrows a little from tolerate it, the best song on evermore imho (tied with coney island).

You knew that opening the door was going to be a hard part, but what you didn’t prepare for was actually listening to her. You could have stared at her for eternity in silence, just harping on everything good and bad that ever happened between the two of you. You could imagine a thousand different scenarios where the two of you were happy and none of this had occurred, but that wasn’t the case. She didn’t come to you to stare and leave.

“Thank you,” Natasha said, her voice throaty as she took a cautious first step into your space. Your space. It sounded weird, and you knew that it felt weird to her. You two had shared everything for the longest, and now you had your own place to live in. “Thank you for letting me in.”

“You came to talk,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself protectively, and she didn’t miss the obvious tell of your body language. “I won’t make you waste your time. Say your piece, and then...” you trailed off, both of you knowing full well where you were going with it.

“Can I just start with the fact that I’m so sorry,” she blurted, and you have her an unamused look as you sat on your couch, and she sat on the edge of it. “And that I don’t know why that happened. I don’t expect for you to ever forgive me, and I don’t forgive myself. I won’t ever forgive myself for hurting you so badly, and having such a lapse in judgement. I’m sorry.”

“What was it that was different?” You asked, the question that had been haunting you for a while now finally escaping your lips. When she gave you a confused look, you stared back at her. “What was so different about whatever happened on the mission?”

You didn’t ask what you did wrong, because you didn’t do anything wrong. It took you weeks to know that, weeks to come to the conclusion, but you knew. It wasn’t anything that you lacked, it was something that Natasha did. Whether it was loyalty, restraint, a moral compass, or even something else, you didn’t think that it was you.

“There was nothing different.”

You were trying to hold it together, but you knew that you were seconds from falling apart right in front of the person who had destroyed you. “You don’t have to lie.”

She made a face. “There wasn’t. There was nothing about her that was better than you, I swear.”

But there was nothing different. There was nothing different in the way that you held her to the way that Abigail did, then. There must have been nothing different in the way that you kissed her in the morning. Nothing special about how you would dance with her on the third of the month simply because you liked the number three. There was nothing special about the way you held her hand and rubbed her back and sometimes sang her to sleep when she needed it. And there was certainly nothing different or special about the way that you let her put her head on your chest, just so that she could hear your heart beating.

Maybe what you did was different or special to you and not to her. And maybe it was time for you to finally realize it, whether it hurt or not.

Your emotions were threatening to come through, and you couldn’t have that happen. “I thought you came to talk. Talking requires truth.”

“I did,” she rushed, and then she sighed and wiped her palms on her thighs. You knew what that was. Of course you knew what she was. That was her being nervous. “I just wanted you to know that I love you, I love you so much, no matter what you choose. I never meant for any of it to happen, and I hate myself for making you feel that way.”

“You knew what happened with the others,” you said, and you knew that she knew that you were talking about the men who used to cheat on you without thinking twice. You saw her wince. “You knew how I felt about dishonesty. You knew how long it took me to be fully trusting of you, and you ruined it for two months of fun?”

“I know I did.”

“Do you know that, Natasha?” You asked, your voice starting to raise a bit. “I trusted you, and then I gave you everything I had. There wasn’t a piece of me that wasn’t for you, don’t you get that? I painted a portrait of us with the best colors I had and you opened the door on me doing the finishing touches and threw black paint over it.”

She was surprised that you were actually allowing yourself to be angry, and that made you even more upset. You were allowed to be pissed. “I’m sorry,” she breathed out, a thin layer of tears in her eyes.

“I did- I had everything lying out on the table for you emotionally. It was wrapped so pretty for you when I helped you through your own stuff, and it waited until you were ready. There wasn’t a thing you didn’t know, not a secret kept from you. And I still can’t believe that you returned me being in love with you, with that.”

“It didn’t mean anything to me. None of it meant anything to me at all, I swear.”

“It meant something to Abigail,” you said, and you saw her flinch. “It meant something to the girl that told you that she loved you. And if I’m not mistaken, you told her the same. So did it really not mean something, or are you an even larger liar than I thought?”

“It didn’t mean anything.” For a spy, she was quite easy to read. Or maybe you just spent so much time knowing her that it was impossible to not know her inside and out. You knew her every movement that she made when she lied, and you knew what she looked like when she was telling the truth. This, this wasn’t it.

And it destroyed you.

“Don’t you understand how that feels? It feels like being cut a thousand times by the fancy blade that you made yourself. It feels like being bitten by your own dog. It feels like being nearly drowned in the oceans that you’ve swam in for forever. We were so close! We were so close that I was sure that we were predestined or some of that cheesy shit, Natasha. I could have sworn that we were meant for each other, but now I know that we were, because the betrayal that you did cut me down into a million pieces. That was something that neither of the others were able to do. That’s something that only you could do, and I trusted you not to do it. I never thought you could do it. I thought that you loved me far too much to pull the shit that you did.

“Maybe I was foolish enough to make the knife right in front of you, but I trusted you to know it was there and not use it against me. And you still stabbed me with it.” Your voice cracked and you could feel warm tears falling into your hand, but you didn’t care. You had to keep going. “How could you see me give and give and give to you, for you, and then tolerate it and go see someone else?”

She was breathing heavily after your rant, like she had spoken the words instead. A singular tear came down her face, and you thanked whoever was sitting above and watching for the crack in her mask. You were begging to see her half as emotional as you, half as hurt by her own actions.

You knew that it was different when you saw her wipe her tear. She never wiped her tears around you. You were the only one who got to see them, but you supposed not even you were allowed to see it anymore.

“I can’t even begin-” her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much I regret what happened.”

“How do you regret-” you pursed your lips and shook your head, closing your eyes for a second as your heart clenched. “How do you regret falling in love with someone?”

“I don’t love her-”

“Do you love me?” You asked.

“More than I love anything else in the entire world.”

“You loved her more if you risked me losing me, Natasha.” You said, and her brows shot up at your conclusion. “You know what would happen if you did that to me and I found out. You knew you would lose me, and you did it anyway. So you two must have had something special. Congrats.”

“No, you’re-”

The temper that you tried to keep in check was bubbling over again, and you realized that there was no checking yourself. “Do you know how long I waited for you and never cheated? Never had sex with anyone else, never went on a date with anyone else? For just as long as you were supposed to! And I managed! So what’s wrong with you?”

“Y/N, I think we should calm down a little. Let’s talk it out for a second.”

“I’ve been talking it out. All by myself, actually, because you’re too afraid to do a damn thing and admit that you fucked up for two months straight.” You closed your eyes again as you felt the hurt come back up. “How do I know it was just that time? How do I know that?”

There was a silence that spoke volumes. “You don’t.”

“And what if we got back together, after all of this?” It was hypothetical, but seeing the hope perk up in her sparked something that you hadn’t felt towards her in forever. Or, you had, it was just smothered by the heat of your fury. “How would I know that you aren’t off pulling the same thing you did earlier?”

“You’d have to trust me.”

“Well, I can’t do that. I literally can’t,” you cried out, putting your head in your hands and shaking you head. It was quiet except for the sounds of your cries, and it was ominous. There was never a quiet moment between you and Natasha, but you were dying out, fizzling away. You already had your Big Bang, now you were creating black holes that would forever remain on opposite sides of the universe. And you both knew it.

“You- you humiliated me,” you shook your head from left to right again, face still hidden. “You had an affair with a younger girl, you did it in front of the people I shared a living space with. You did it shamelessly in front of the people I cooked meals for every day, the people who’s fucking uniforms I ironed! They were my friends too, Natasha, and you humiliated me. You made them keep your dirty secret, did you apologize to them?”

“I haven’t spoken to them much.”

“I had to figure out from Pepper in front of the wedding dress store,” you continued, your throat tightening. “I was there getting the dress that I was going to walk down the aisle in. Everything was perfect, and then you did something that shattered what I thought couldn’t be broken.” You had thought that you and Natasha were rock solid, the hardest stone. You two were diamonds that sparkled and prevailed together, until you learned that you were truly just glass.

She leaned forward, giving you a look that you knew meant honesty. But it was far too late for that, and it wasn’t going to do Natasha much good now. “I wish every second of the day that I didn’t do it, Y/N. Every second of every day.”

Your lips turned into a scowl. “Wishing doesn’t do anything for us. We’re not little kids and we’re not princesses.”

That word, wishing, must have been the one to do her in, because she was sobbing right into her own sleeve, an arm covering her eyes from your sight. Your tears were subsiding, and you watched her with thinly pressed lips. Watching her cry was never pleasant.

“I’m so, so sorry. I can’t- I can’t imagine how you must feel, but I’m so sorry. I don’t know why- I can only apologize to you and beg that you’ll welcome me back to you, where I’m supposed to be.” Your eye twitched as you listened, and told yourself to keep your strength up. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, baby, but I know now. I know who I’m meant to be with, and it wasn't her. It’s you, it always has been.”

You knew that. You had always known that. It was a fact, something that had always rang as true as the beating of your own heart. You knew that it was written in the stars for you by some gracious god who decided to reveal what could have been your present and future to you, but you guess the other half of the tale never saw it herself. She knew now, sure. But she learned a little too late for your taste.

“Please, you have to know. You have to know that I didn’t- that I would never do it again.”

How could you tell someone that their apology wasn’t enough? How could you reject someone when they were at their lowest point? How were you going to find the strength in yourself to turn down the woman that you still very much loved? The one that you thought that you lost to another was right in front of you, begging for a second chance, but was it right for you to give it to her?

But how could she see you at your most vulnerable every day and know that you loved and cared for her with your whole heart and still do what she did? How was she okay with ruining you after all that you had been through? How did she not feel bad for two months about betraying the one person who she knew would be forever in her corner?

Whatever her method was to do things that hurt the people she supposedly loved, she found a way. And so would you.

“Have you said what you needed to?” You asked, your tone slow and deliberate as you fought for your tears not to ruin your words. Just as slowly, she nodded. “Then, please leave.”

A noise left her throat. “Please, wait. Wait.”

“There’s nothing left to say, Nat. We said it all.” You stood up, and she followed. “Fix your relationships at the tower, alright?”

“Don’t,” she muttered, tears streaming down her face. “Please don’t tell me that you don’t want to try and then act like you care about me.”

You both walked to the door, because you knew that I the end she would do what you asked of her. “We were friends first.” You insisted. “We were friends first, Natasha, so I care. So, because we were friends first, I’ll tell you to get better. Work on yourself. Fall in love with someone else. Maybe not with two people at the same time.”

Her face was utterly pitiful. Her eyes were watering in a way you had never seen them do before, and her hands were shaking. You had seen the most of Natasha that anyone had in the entire world, yet you had never seen her so torn apart, so open. She laid it all out for you like you had been doing for her for years, and now you were finally the one to ruin the pretty picture. “Please.”

As soft as a gentle breeze came your next word. “No.” You yanked your apartment door open, and then you were both shivering. She looked up at you, her face full of an expression of the most shattered you had seen her yet, and the part of you that still ached prayed that it would be the last time you would ever see her at all.

Your body moved on its own. It asked for one more point of contact, just one more before you deprived yourself from the person you loved the most. Your lips pressed against the crown of her head as you told yourself it was for your own good. Your eyes shut as you put your hands on her shoulders, and tears were turning spots of her red hair dark. She was shaking underneath you, crying even harder than you were. You pulled away from her and opened the door wider.

“Wish you all the best, Nat.”

She walked away, off of your porch and into the night. You shut the door.

§§

You figured that you would miss her, but it wasn’t as bad as it was in the early part of leaving. By the time you moved on, it was far past the date of the wedding and even further past your anniversary. Sometimes it still hurt to think about how your life could have been had she chosen to stay faithful, but you learned that the scenarios hurt more than they helped and stopped.

You had a steady job, could keep up with the rent on your apartment, had enough for groceries and even had spare to get your nails done if you wanted to. You were doing it all, and you were doing it well after being attached at the hip to someone else for years and years.

There was a time where you would have thought that living without Natasha would be excruciating. The first night after you stormed out and cried yourself to sleep, you were sure that it would be painful, every night without her next to you would be like a stab in the gut. But after a while, it really wasn’t.

At first, it was. You missed her terribly, and, a part of you still did. You missed the good things that happened, but you realized that the good didn’t erase the bad, and that the bad didn’t erase the good. So, after a long time of thinking about her, your stance on Natasha Romanoff wasn’t hateful, or upset, or vengeful. You barely had one.

You thought about her and saw a book that you had finished reading a long time ago. Impactful at the time you read it, of course, and it could leave a longing imprint, but it was over. You could never relive that exact moment ever again that you read her, not a good one or a bad one. The hardest, most intense part of it was over, so far behind you that you could breathe again.

And damn, did it feel good to breathe.

§§§

Seeing her was awkward, and it was something that came straight out of your outdated imagination. You were by yourself buying apples at the market that you always went to because you adored fresh fruit, checking for bruises on them that were never there. You were carrying four in a bag with a content look on your face, just walking around and looking at other fruits and vegetables when you felt someone’s eyes on you. You looked up.

Sam Wilson was looking right at you, his jaw a little slack as he recognized you. You hadn’t seen him since you stormed out of the compound god knows how long ago. Within seconds, your life at the tower and memories with him flashed in your head. You two would cook together side by side often, and that's where you would do most of your bonding and talking with him. Your heart clenched for a moment, and then you raised the hand that wasn’t occupied and gave him a wave and a half smile, one that you hoped told him that you weren’t angry.

You looked back to the vegetables and then at the sign on the table. Damn, that’s kind of expensive. You shrugged your shoulders and put the greens on the weighing machine anyway, and pulled the money out of your purse for it. You smiled at the vendor and left with your new bag, wiggling your eyes at the strawberry table and starting your approach.

“Hi,” an achingly familiar voice called out while you were steps away from the table of deliciously red strawberries. You could smell them from where you were at. You turned around still, even after easily identifying who the voice belonged to. “How are you?”

She was as beautiful as ever, the top of her head under a blue ball cap and her eyebrows perfectly done. Her eyes were hidden by shades, but you didn’t need to see them to know what she was thinking. Her arms were loose at her sides, but her fingers were moving strangely, and you noticed them immediately as her nervous tick. You took in a deep breath.

“I’m good, how about you?” You asked Natasha back, and she gave you a pained smile.

“I’m alright.”

“Oh, sweet,” you said, and then gave her a parting smile before turning towards the strawberries.

“Wait,” she called out.

You stopped and turned your head, even though you wanted more than anything to forget that you ran into her. “Yes?”

There was a moment of silence between you two, and then she took a step forward. “Are you still upset?” She asked, voice lower in volume than usual.

You almost scoffed at her. “I’m an adult, I can’t really be sad for long or I’ll forget to pay a bill or something.”

“Can we talk?” She started, and you held up a hand.

“Let’s not open up old wounds,” you said, already knowing exactly where she was going with all of her hesitance and fiddling with her thumbs.

“I need to apologize for what happened.”

You shrugged. “I forgive you. Actually, I forgave you weeks and weeks ago. It’s okay. We can move on from it.” We need to move on from it.

You saw your old lover’s face light up in just the slightest, but just as fast as you saw it, it was gone. Her lack of wanting to express to you didn’t hurt anymore. “We?”

“We can move on,” you repeated, “just not together.” Her face dropped at what you said, and you shrugged your shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I fucked up.”

Yes, you did. “It’s in the past now.”

There was a pause, and you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. You wondered when your heart started to beat on its own again and not for the woman standing so close yet so far away. You wondered when you started to do anything for just yourself, and you wondered when you had stopped doing that in the first place. Her voice brought you out of your thoughts. “Is it?”

You almost had to ask her to remind you what the conversation was about. “Oh. It is,” you said gently, but your voice was still stern. “All good things must come to an end, and what we had was good. It was great, and that must have meant that we were destined to end fast.”

She shook her head slightly. “If you- if you forgive me, it doesn’t have to be over.”

“It does.” You looked at your phone and sighed. “I have to leave.”

“Okay,” She said softly after a moment, and finally took a step back. It was a small one, like her body was trying to override her brain. “Okay.”

“I’ll see you, Nat.” You saw her wince, and if you hadn’t made peace with everything, you would have, too.

She took another step back and cleared her throat, just as Sam started making his way over. She nodded at you, and you gave her a small smile, almost encouraging. Just walk away, this is the last time you’ll have to do it. “Later,” She said, her voice a little hoarse as she turned on her heel and walked right past Sam.

“Later” meant never. And you didn’t know if you were supposed to feel nothing or everything about it.

§§§

The last time you saw Natasha Romanoff was a year later, when you were holding hands with a pretty woman from an art show that you went to. She stole your heart with her work, and she turned out just as beautiful on the inside as she was with a brush, and on the outside. Her name was Julie, and she was great. She was honest.

You really liked Julie. She wasn’t Natasha, though, and it was both refreshing and saddening, because you knew that what you felt with Natasha was a one time thing. You two had one chance to keep the bond that was seemingly inseparable and stronger than steel together, and everyone was rooting for you. And then, it just fell apart.

You knew that Natasha was your first actual love, and the only person who was ever going to be able to love you emotionally like you needed to be. The two of you were, in your mind, made for each other. If soulmates existed, Natasha would have been yours, and you would have been hers. You knew that even five years after not being with her, and while the hole in your heart wasn’t hollow, you had a feeling that a little something was always going to be cold, like a cavity that was never filled. Someone saying her name or asking about her was like chewing ice on it.

But people moved on. Just like you did. And you had moved on from the beautiful yet icy mountains of Natasha and into a soft and whimsical meadow, and that meadow was Julie.

You were holding hands with Julie, arms swinging as you were leaving the donut shop and talking about silly things that made the both of you grin when you caught a familiar flash of red. Out of instinct, you looked over your shoulder, and what you saw made you freeze.

Natasha Romanoff was with a girl with brown skin and black hair that was glinting in the sunlight, and she wasn’t focused on the way that you and Natasha locked eyes in that moment, the moment that seemed to last years. You didn’t think you were still moving, and it certainly didn’t feel like you were taking a step, but you were. You saw her blue-green eyes blink at you, and like you were still stuck on the same wavelength after all that time, you both raised a hand and gave a timid wave, small smiles gracing the both of your faces.

You saw the girl tug lightly on Natasha’s arm, and your grin stretched. Natasha looked over at the girl, and an immediate smile, one similar but not quite the same as she used to give to you, was on her face. You turned your head forward, a light smile still on your own face as you watched it all happen in a split second.

You both kept walking.

*****

ahahaha wow, that hurt really bad actually - never doing angst again i’m a fluffy type of gal

so i’ve never done a taglist before! so i hope i’m doing it right otherwise this’ll make me look incredibly dumb-

@messuhp @username23345 @fishlikestuff @thelastavenger-3000 @grievingfortheliving @madamevirgo @dontmindmejustreading @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @sourpatchspinster @fayhar @sarcasticallywitty15 @normanijauregui

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #marvel fanfic #natasha romanoff angst #gay!natasha #this saddened me #my fics

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repentantsky · 3 years

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5 Companies That Have Too Much Hype Around Them

Look, we all love our favorite games with a passion, and to an extent that’s fine, but when that passion becomes obsession and that obsession becomes forgetting our own moral compass for the sake of entertainment, it does feel like it’s gone too far. It’s one thing to love what a company releases, it’s completely another to ignore every problem they’ve ever had. Not all of the companies on this list have done horribly un-ethical things, but they’ve at least been anti-consumer, and the fact that people don’t question that enough has led to them sometimes, making horrible mistakes. I am RepentantSky, I love making lists that trash on things that are popular, and these are 5 companies, that have too much hype around them.

5. Nintendo

Already I can hear people getting angry, and in a way I get it. Nintendo is for many people the place where they either begin to play games, or the place they go to keep on playing them when everything else let’s them down, and of course, they put an end to the flipping video game crash of 1983, and no one else will ever be able to claim that from them. That’s all wonderful, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be critical of them. I’ve talked about a number of things they’ve done wrong before, so let me quickly run down the list of some of their anti-consumer practices. They, charge too much for remasters and ports, they don’t drop prices in games, they used to charge for fixing Joy-Cons and now completely deny it’s a problem for legal reasons, despite everyone pretty much having experienced drift, they haven’t been good at getting stock for their items in at least 20 years, and oh yeah, they sell all the content for a remake for $115 on the 3DS, the system and the fans that helped them get by while the Wii U was massively underperforming, all while handing owners of the, at the time, unproven Switch, free content. Nintendo has a tendency to still think like a toy company, and they even used that idea to present the Nintendo Entertainment System as a toy instead of a console when they first game to the West with it, but they aren’t a toy company, their a gaming company that also sells toys, just like everyone else. I get they’ve done amazing things, I own over 150 physical handheld games from them, and a ton of digital games besides, but when they start charging twice what they are worth for SD cards, while releasing games that absolutely won’t fit on the limited space of the Switch, and they simply don’t care when costumers complain, it’s time to at least question their motives.

4. Bethesda

Boy I used to really rip on this company back when I posted lists on Facebook, but I haven’t done it in a while, so let’s do it again. Bethesda has absolutely spent at least the last 10 years lying to people, Todd Howard, has become famous for it, but I think I might have been the only person who wasn’t shocked when Fallout 76 was the disaster that it was. There were so many things wrong with that game, that I don’t even have time to go over every little thing, but lying, you know the thing that will get another company on this list very soon, was a big thing they did with the game. They promised at one point that they weren’t ever going to charge for items in the game that gave in-game benefits, and they did, allowing ammo and other items to be bought with real money for a time, they promised new, specialized servers if you paid for a yearly service that was way too expensive, and that wasn’t true because people found proof of things missing from what would have been a freshly made, private server, and there’s no excuse for that, games in early access do that correctly, and they aren’t, at least supposedly, even finished yet. I wish I could say that’s all they’ve done, but they also bullied an indie developer over their game Prey, a game they may have bullied the original developer for so they could get cheaper, but we’ll never know because they refused to comment on that when asked, they also refused to update their outdated game engine for years, which caused something they spent over a decade fixing, games releasing with glitches, some of them game breaking. Yet somehow, they have such a fan base that those who love their games will claim the glitches are just part of the charm. That kind of fierce loyalty led to Fallout 76, and even though we make jokes about it even now, the horse DLC from way back in the day, was an indication of everything they’ve done, including trying to charge for mods made for free, meant to be consumed for free, twice. Bethesda is a bad company and they do not care.

3. Activision/Blizzard

You know one of the worst things Nintendo does that I didn’t really mention directly in the first entry, is limit the amount of time a product is available, instead of just letting it be there for consumption as long as it’s selling (that was what the toy company reference was about if it wasn’t clear). However, Activision/Blizzard are the Kings of doing this, as they not only limited things while they were in control of Destiny 2 to the point where you pretty much had to use real money to get everything, and never mind everything else they did to it, because we’d be here all day going through it all, but they also don’t support games as a service titles long enough for dedicated fans. Crash Team Racing Nitro fueled, is a prime example of this. People weren’t done with that game, and when fans thought for even a split second that an update was going to come to fix an issue, their hype (mine to) was so explosive, it was almost like we were getting a new game, but then nothing happened, because they didn’t care. A lot of companies that do yearly release titles as a service have this problem and nothing exemplified that more for Activision, than Skylanders, a series originally made off the back of Spyro, who didn’t even wait for a year to release new games, as technically between October 21st and November 20th of the year the first game came out, they released three of them, and I’m not even kidding. Two of them, were mobile games! You might have thought I was going to go after Call of Duty, for this, but that horse has been beaten to ground, somehow, more than Skylanders was. They also, for whatever reason, released each expansion on different generations console generations, at different months throughout Fall, like somehow the season of Fall, they needed a release every month, if not two, and so off they went. I didn’t even get into Blizzard, but all I need to say is “Blitzchung” and all the memories will likely come flooding back. There’s also the fact that in two separate years, after gaining massive profits, they dropped hundreds of employees, and hired more than they’d let go, but I guess that doesn’t really matter to some of you, because when they did it this year, with so little warning, most employees found out via the news articles about it, but we all made such a little stink this time around, it didn’t create any media buzz, so I guess that doesn’t matter, you’d all rather play flipping World of Warcraft, like better MMO’s don’t exist.

2. CD Projekt Red

I know this one comes off a little more fresh in the mind, and they technically only lied about one game, but man, what a series of lies it was. Also, let’s be honest, one major game, does not a great developer always make. CDPR’s previous two Witcher games did exactly what the author of the books thought they would, and that was almost nothing in terms of making a serious impact, and the reason is, they are kind of bad. They aren’t the worst games out there, but there is a good reason why The Witcher 1 and 2 haven’t been ported and/or remastered, despite how important they are to the story of Witcher 3, and that’s because they both suck. Cyperpunk 2077, was in a lot of ways, them just going back to being the developer they were before, the BIG ONE happened. They lied about nearly everything in regards to the game, including how the main platforms where consumers were going to buy it, were actually running well. I made those references to Witcher 1 and 2 for a reason, although if I’m being honest, they actually look better than Cyberpunk did on day 0, and that’s completely unacceptable. The budget for CDPR was basically nothing for Witcher 1 and 2 combined to what Cyberpunk got, but they were so focused on the PC versions because PC ran the game better, somehow (like maybe because they didn’t try with consoles) and they missed glitches that were so bad, the game felt like it was still in beta, if not alpha upon release. The fact that they’ve only released eleven games in twenty-three years, and only two of them didn’t have The Witcher on them, should have told us all we need to know, and yet the game, even after returns, which was another massive screw-job that led to Cyberpunk being removed from the PlayStation store, still sold Sixteen million units, all because of hype, and because apparently, some people don’t care if they’re lied to. Do you want to know what the other game they released is besides a Witcher title? It was flipping Saints Row 2, a fun game, but also one that’s too goofy for it’s own good, and yet suddenly makes Cyberpunk’s release, make sense, because it was all a massive joke, and a parody of good, well running, open world games. CDPR needs to seriously do something, anything different, and never release a game in this poor of a state ever again.

1. Ubisoft

I put Ubisoft at number one for a damn good reason, and that reason is, that everyone seems to hate the company, but loves their games, and I don’t know why. They haven’t been the overall worst company on this list, although they are pretty bad, but the major problem they have, and have had for at least a decade is that none of their games have any identity, they are literally all the same game, with different coats of paint. Sure, an occasional gem sneaks through like Assassin’s Creed IV, but all of the rest of their games have the same visual style (although ACII does seem to be the base for which they create their art let’s be honest), the shooting mechanics they have in all the games that have guns, all feel exactly the same, which is something even Call of Duty manages to avoid most years (guess I took a shot at them anyways) and yet somehow, someway, I keep seeing people getting excited for their releases, and it doesn’t make any sense. Sure, they throw a celebrity actor in from time to time, and the artistic style they use does look pretty cool, but everything is always the same with them, every single time, no matter what it is, and they still keep making money. It doesn’t really make sense either, because a lot of developers do make games that are very similar feeling, see the Life is Strange team or much as well all loved them, Telltale Games, but at least those titles told extremely interesting stories, and developed their mechanics at least a little, which is something most companies do just on principal, but not Ubisoft. They throw out a few Tom Clancy games every time they talk about what their releasing, the Trials and AC games are still mostly a yearly experience, and I’ll say it again, their entire list of releases since at least 2013, the year the previous generation kicked off, have pretty much all been the same. It would be nice if they made more games like Child of Light, but despite the fact that their games will likely never be as popular as Call of Duty, they keep churning out same-y shooters hoping that one day, maybe just one day, they’ll create their own CoD, and it’s just not gonna happen. The saddest part of all is that when they announce something different, something fans have wanted for years, we get The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Remake, which was literally delayed because fans said they wouldn’t buy it unless some actual effort was put into making it, why is this company so popular that it can keep doing this, someone please explain it to me.

And that’s my list, can you think of any other companies that are too hyped? Let me know in the notes below, hit me up with a follow if you like my content, and give me a reblog, I’d really appreciate it. Have a wonderful life!

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brelione · 4 years

Text

Three Rules (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Smut,Angst,JJ low key getting his heart broken,ends in fluff because sad JJ makes me sad.Not really edited because im lazy :)

JJ sat on a rock far away from the large group of people as they danced to loud,shitty music.He had been hoping that you would show up.It had been a month since he had seen you last.It had been a month since he had ruined everything you two had.Or, in better words,what he thought you had.He knew how much you loved boneyard parties because you loved people watching.You had always sat on this rock to sort everyone into groups in your head.He hadnt noticed that until you had gone to at least eight parties.You’d always disappear but he figured you were talking to someone in the ocean of people or had just gone back to the house.He had come over to you with his red solo cup in his hand to ask what you were doing.That’s when he learned about your hobby.You had pointed people out to him and asked him who in the crowd he would want to switch lives with for the day.He had just pointed to a random guy to satisfy you.That had been the night that your little ‘relationship’ had started.That had been almost a year ago.He watched as you walked down the sandy hill.Your hair was half up half down,you were wearing tight white jeans and a mustard yellow crop top.You looked so effortlessly beautiful in a way he could never understand.

Kie had quickly separated herself from the crowd as she ran towards you to hug you tight.You hugged back,laughing as you exclaimed that she was crushing you.Pope didnt take long to join in,next in line to hug you.JJ bit down on his bottom lip,wishing he could hug you.You wouldnt be happy to see him and he knew that but its not like you could scream at him in front of the others. “God,(Y/N)!Where have you been for like the last month?Ive tried calling you but you didnt answer.”Kiara frowned.You shrugged. “Ive been really busy and then my phone decided to crash and I dont have the money to fix it.”you answered.Pope frowned,JJ walking up behind him.You sent him a quick glare,covering it up with a grin as you continued to speak to Kiara. “Hey,(Y/N).Can I talk to you real quick?”JJ asked,holding his breath unknowingly.Your eyes darkened and he didnt miss the way your fists clenched. “Sure.I’ll be right back.”You told Kie,walking past Pope and giving him a quick fist bump.You didnt get hostile until you were away from your other friends.You and JJ walked out of sight closer to the large mount of rocks and washed up lobster traps. “What do you want,JJ?”You asked,glaring up at the blond.He gulped,looking down at his feet.

“How do I fix this?”He asked.You rolled your eyes,laughing quietly to yourself. “You cant,JJ.You messed up our deal and then you fucked up my feelings and lied to me and you cant change any of it.”You sighed,looking up at him.He shook his head,biting his tongue. “I never lied to you!I’ve lied so much but I have never ever lied to you.”He almost shouted.You shook your head. “You’re lying right now.I dont get you,JJ.You broke every single rule and now you’re mad at me for it.Its been a month,why cant you just move on?”You asked.He shook his head. “You know why.”He answered.You went to walk away but he grabbed your hand,making you turn around.It brought you back to a month ago when he had broken the final rule.There had only been three.Why was it so difficult for him to not do three things?Ten months back you two started a whole friends with benefits kind of thing.JJ had mentioned how he had been looking for a nightly fuck and it kind of just happened.You two had both agreed it would be a lot safer to not hook up with random people and let them find out where John.B lived so you ended up just become eachothers nightly hookup.

You had made a set of rules.Just the three.Rule One:No Marks That Anyone Else Could See.He had broken that rule only two months in when he left six dark hickies along your neck and even more across your chest.You had woken up the next morning and looked in the mirror to see the dark purple marks that covered your body. “What the fuck,J?No noticable marks,remember?”You huffed.He turned to look at you,a grin on his face. “Well that sucks for you,princess.”He smiled up at you.You rolled your eyes,straddling him.He looked up at you with a sleepy yet confused expression.You smirked before leaning down and sucking hickeys up and down his chest.He didnt fight it,instead telling you that you missed a spot.You found it funny that the others hadnt managed to connect the dots.

The Second Rule was Not To Go To Eachothers Houses.This shouldve been common sense because of how loud JJ was and how small your house was.His house was too chaotic and dangerous as well.He had broken that rule five months in when he had climbed in your window in the middle of the night and shook you awake gently.You had been startled,obviously and ended up grabbing him by the neck and rolling on top of him. “Geez,(Y/N),didnt take you for the kinky type.”He grinned.You face palmed,laying back down on your bed. “What the fuck,JJ?Its like three in the morning.”You whisper shouted.He smirked,leaning down over you. “Yeah,but im horny and you werent around.”He spoke,his knees on either side of your hips.You sat up under him. “You’re not supposed to come to my house,JJ.”You reminded him.He frowned. “I know but im horny and I need help.”He reached for your hand and placed it over where he wanted it most.You sighed,leaning forward so your forehead was against his. “JJ,my parents are literally across the hall.”You told him.He nodded,leaning down to kiss you. “So just be quiet.”He instructed you.You bit your lip,nodding.He started off gentle,leaving feather like kisses on your lips and neck.He often got rough with you,not afraid of pinning your hands over your head or trying different positions.But this time he was surprisingly gentle.

He unbuttoned the oversized shirt you wore to bed,kissing your collarbones and sucking on your nipples.You let a moan slip out,causing him to hold his hand over your mouth.He licked a stripe up your neck,leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Bite my hand if you want me to stop,understand?”He asked.You nodded.He left hickeys along your stomach before tugging down your boy short underwear.He grinned at the small wet spot in them before tossing them onto the floor.He licked a stripe between your folds after kissing your inner thighs gently.You let out a small moan that was muffled by his hand.He put a finger in you,pumping slowly and only being fueled by the noises coming out of you.He put in another finger,pumping the two fingers into you at a hellish pace.Your eyebrows furrowed,eyes clenching shut as the bubble in your stomach grew before releasing itself all over him.He grinned,slurping it all up. “You want more,princess?”He asked.You nodded weakly,making him grin.He pulled down his shorts to reveal that he wasnt even wearing underwear.

He slowly slid into you,jaw dropping as he did so.You quickly reached your hand up to cover his mouth.He lowered his head and buried his face in the crook of your neck as he began to pound into you.He went hard and fast,making you reach your high again.He bit your neck lightly and let out a small moan that was muffled by your skin.Your hands went to his back and under the shirt that he was still wearing,your fingernails digging into his skin.He eventually collapsed on top of you,a panting and sweating mess.He pulled out of you,grabbing a tissue and cleaning you off.You pulled him close to you,pulling him down on the bed to hug him for a few moments.You always loved hugs for a reason he couldnt really understand.

The Third Rule was to not catch feelings.He had broken that the first day that the ‘relationship’ began but he hadnt admitted to it until a month ago.You two had just finished,laying next to eachother on the guest bed.He had pulled on his boxers,watching as you got dressed and pulled your hair up into a ponytail.You caught him staring,turning to look at him and raising your eyebrows in confusion. “What?”You asked.He shrugged,pulling the sheet over himself while still staring at you.You fixed your chain,still staring at him.You sighed,walking over to him and sitting down on the bed. “Somethings up with you.”You observed.He shook his head,avoiding your gaze.You rolled your eyes,sitting on top of him so he was forced to look at you. “What’s up,J?”You asked.He sighed,looking up at you with a certain look in his eye.It wasnt lust or anger...it was something that you had never seen before. “How do you even know something is up?”He asked.You shrugged.

“You’ve been fucking me different lately.”You answered,combing his hair with your fingers.He furrowed his eyebrows. “Is that bad?”He asked.You shook your head,grinning. “No,just different.Now stop changing the subject.”You insisted,hoping he’d finally tell you what was on his mind.He let out a small breath as if he was nervous. “Could you maybe...not stare at me.”He mumbled.You frowned,getting off of him and sitting across from him on the mattress. “What is it?”You asked.His heart was beating quickly,blinking hard.His mouth opened as he struggled to form words. “I just...I dont know if i should be doing this anymore.”He answered,not looking at you.You pouted. “Doing what?”You asked.He sighed,looking up at you. “Us,I mean.I’ve broken all the rules and i just dont think I can handle it anymore.”He answered,waiting for you to answer.You stared down at your lap,trying to make sense of what he had just said to you.You shook your head,realizing what he was saying. “JJ-you havent broken all the rules.Not all of them,right?”You asked,hands shaking.He bit his lip,glancing at you before looking away.

“How am I not supposed to have feelings for you when you fuck me like this?How can you expect me not to fall for you when you moan so loud and talk dirty to me and-god,I didnt mean too.”he sighed,holding his head in his hands.You shook your head,not believing it. “Bullshit,JJ.What’s actually going on?”You asked,hoping this was a sick joke.JJ knew how scared you were of love and how repulsed you were by the idea of someone loving you in such a way.He knew that yet he still decided to fuck with your feelings and joke like this.He looked directly at you. “Im in love with you, (Y/N).”He admitted.This wasnt going how he had always hoped it would.Kiara had made the group watch plenty of cheesy romance movies where the guy confessed his undying love for the quirky girl and she loved him too and they’d kiss and live happily ever after.He knew that wasnt going to happen but he had still hoped that maybe just maybe you’d smile and tell him you liked him as well or at least let im down gently.But no,you were staring at him completely horrified.

“What the fuck,JJ?”You asked,angry.He just stared at you,nails digging into his palms. “I-I dont know what you want me to do about it.”He whispered,dumb founded.You bit your lip,looking at him as your eyebrows casted shadows over your irises. “Just stop.”You answered before standing up and walking out the door.He didnt try to stop you,instead just staring at the door after you left.He had tried texting and calling when you hadnt come around to the Chateau in a week.Kiara had tried but you didnt answer her either.John.B and the others had even drove to your house in the van but your mother had answered the door and told them that you were out.He had missed you so much.He had even tried going to your house in the middle of the night and knocking on your window.You hadnt opened the window or even woken up.He had seen you at the beach once on an early morning.He had immediately run up to you. “God,I thought you were dead.Where have you been?”He asked.You rolled your eyes. “Im so sorry if I dont wanna be around your lying manipulative ass.”You grumbled,attempting to walk away when he grabbed your hand.

JJ looked down at you,hand still holding yours. “Please,just give me a chance.Just let me love you.”He whispered.You pulled your hand from his grip,swallowing. “You dont love me.I dont know what youre feeling but I want nothing to do with it.”You spoke bitterly.He shook his head. “At least just be my friend again.Please,I need you in my life.Dont even do it for me,do it for the others.We’re all falling apart without you around.Kie is just depressed all the time and Pope has been trying to tell me about science shit and we need you back.Please,please,ill leave you alone if thats what you want but I just need you around again.”He begged.You nodded slowly. “Okay.But if you ever bring this whole thing up it’s all over,alright?”You asked.He nodded,eyes becoming glassy.It hurt to see but you werent sure what to do.You felt bad,of course,but there was nothing you could do about this.

You got a weird little shaking feeling in your stomach when he was near you but you didnt know what that meant.It couldnt mean that you liked him because he just wasnt the type of person that you should like. “Dont start crying right now.Dont you dare do it-I will drown you.”You threatened him.He sniffled,glancing away from you.You grinned. “You just started a war.”You grinned,dragging him to the water.He tried to fight you,a few tears slipping out.You splashed him,making him laugh before rubbing at his eyes.He splashed you back with only half of his effort,making you roll your eyes.You cupped your hands,throwing water at him.He scoffed,tackling you into the cold water.You laughed,flipping him over and splashing water into his hair.He sat up under you,laughing.His laughter stopped as he noticed the position he was currently in. “What?”You asked.He glanced down and then back up at you.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re such a pussy.”You sighed,climbing off of him and sitting in the water.He sighed,looking up at you. “We should go back so you can catch up with Kie and Pope.”He suggested,hoping you’d stay for a little longer anyways.You shook your head. “I think we should catch up.”You told him.He nodded,sitting up straight next to you as the waves smacked onto your thighs.You were both silent,the only noise being the constant smacking of the waves and distant music. “So….what do you want to talk about?”He asked.You sighed,leaning back on your elbows. “Id ask how youve been but uh….I think I already know.So….hows your dad been?”You asked,holding your breath.He shrugged. “You know,he’s just him.I’ve been staying at John.B’s.How...how has your mom been?”He asked.You sighed,brushing your hair away from your face.

“Well,her and dad still argue and shit.They broke the window last week so that sucks but its fine.What have you been doing?”You asked.He wanted to be honest with you but he was embarrassed.He had smoked three times the amount of weed he usually did,went days without showering and had pulled a good 12 all nighters in one month.But he couldnt lie to you.Not when he had hurt you once. “Well,you know,the usual.Lots of weed,lots of beer,lost of surfing.”He answered.You nodded,laying down in the sand and closing your eyes. “That sounds nice.I’ve just been painting and swimming and thats pretty much it.Ive missed you guys,not gonna lie.”You admitted.He frowned,wanting nothing more than to wrap his arm around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder. “Then why wouldnt you come around?You werent that mad,were you?”He asked.You sighed,opening your eyes to look at him.

“I dont think im as mad as I am scared.”You answered.He bit his lip,nodding. “I just...I dont get why you’re scared.I just dont get what about love is so scary.”He hoped you wouldnt get up and walk away.You stared up at the dark sky,letting out a loud,dramatic breath. “I just dont like the idea of it,okay?You know I hate it and that I want nothing to do with it.You know that.”You answered,your voice dripping venom.It sounded just like it had that time you scolded him for stealing from an independent business.You had been so pissed off.He nodded. “No,no,I know.I just want to know why you hate it so much.”He tried to form his questions into words.You grumbled something under your breath,sitting up. “Because if I fall in love I dont want to be the only one falling!The universe does this thing where it makes you fall for someone thats way too perfect and then of course they dont fall for you and you’re just stuck!”You exclaimed.JJ chuckled,looking away from you.

You had just explained his exact situation without meaning too. “Tell me about it.”He sighed.Your eyebrows furrowed,jaw dropping a bit when you realized what you had just said. “JJ-shit.Fuck,dude.”You whispered.He grinned sadly at you,his eyes having that same expression they had had that day he had first confessed to you. “Yeah,I get why you dont want this.It really sucks.”He laughed half heartedly.You sighed,looking up at him. “What does it feel like?”You asked him.He gulped,trying to ignore how close you were.Your body was practically pressed up against him.He was tempted to reach out and twirl your chain between his fingers. “Um...well its like just kind of wanting.Just like wanting things like when you see someone you just want to hug them and appreciate them and you just want them to be happy even if they arent with you.And-and you get this feeling in your stomach like when you drink so much and get all giggly.”He answered.He felt you inch closer,one of your arms wrapping around his torso as you rested your head under his chin.

He didnt really understand what you were doing but he wanted you to be comfortable around him.He tried his best not to act strange,wrapping an arm around your waist in a half hug. “JJ.”You mumbled. “Yeah?”He asked. “I think...I dont know.I think I might be in love with you.”You sighed,waiting for him to say something.His mind went completely blank,trying to think of what to say to you. “Umm...okay.Okay.So...so...what do we do now?”He asked.You shrugged,kissing his cheek lightly. “I have no idea.”You answered.He kissed your forehead,looking down at you.He leaned down slowly,giving you the time to pull away.You didnt,kissing him gently.It was different from the kisses you had shared before.This one was innocent and gentle,ending with a hug. “We should go back to the others now.”You spoke quietly.He nodded,helping you up and holding your hand for as long as he could.

#jj maybank #jj maybankxreader #jj maybank imagine #jj x you #jj maybank oneshot #jj x y/n #rafe cameron #kiara carrera #pope heyward #sarah cameron #john b #rudy pankow #jj obx #obx #jj outer banks

222 notes · View notes

ashistrashhh · 4 years

Text

here are some fic recs!! including sakuatsu, bokuaka, kuroken and matsuhana bc i couldnt help myself

if you want, ask me about a certain ship and ill give you some recs!

-sakuatsu-

Marble and Sandstone by red_camellia

rating: G words: 12,937 chapters: 2/2

author summary: Miya Atsumu only cares about volleyball and nothing else. That is, until he develops a strange obsession with the marble statue of a young man that seems vaguely familiar in his university's arts department. One day that statue comes alive as the very real Sakusa Kiyoomi, and they are left with the mystery of why Sakusa Kiyoomi was turned into a statue and only came back to life when Atsumu touched him. Their new-found connection and the strange mystery turns Atsumu's life upside down, not least because of his growing feelings for Sakusa.

my notes: this was a rlly cute fic!!! 11/10 would read again!!

let it go (paint my body gold) by lunarism

rating: T words: 3,272 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It becomes a routine for them. Sometimes they go grocery shopping and make dinner together, other times they end up talking until Sakusa feels like his own shower and bed is calling him. Every single time Sakusa gets home, shrugs his coat off, balls it up, and proceeds to scream profusely into the fabric for a few minutes.

my notes: pining!!! sakusa!!! also casual painter!atsumu!!! and they paint together!!!

craft a miracle with these hands, lips, (silence) by chrysanthe (sonderesque)

rating: T words: 4,252 chapters: 1/1

author summary: ‘Someone is here to ruin your night,’ his door tells him. ‘You should let them in.’ “I’M HOMELESS OMI-OMI. HOMELESS,” yells the one here to ruin his night. “LET ME IN.”

(What does Kiyoomi sell his sanctuary for?)

my notes: hnnn rlly fuckin cute,, and domestic,,,,

Clipped To You by littleboat

rating: T words: 8,174 chapters: 1/1

author summary: It starts with Hinata Natsu, of all people.

Well, if Atsumu’s being honest with himself, it started way before that, but he’s not, so that’s besides the point. And thankfully, he’s just petty enough to blame all of his problems on a thirteen year old girl.

or Sakusa starts wearing hair clips and Atsumu is more than a little obsessed

my notes: minor kagehina, bokuaka // god these fics rlly make me simp for fictional characters even more than i should. but!! sakusa!!! in hairclips!!! and a pining atsumu!!!

learn how to lay me down in something other than danger, other than fury by rosevtea

words: 34,211 chapters: 1/1

author summary: All of the ways fellow college TA Miya Atsumu reinvents Kiyoomi's definition of normal.

my notes: god i loved this. it’s a fake dating au and like,, even though they’re “dating” sakusa keeps letting his guard down little by little around atsumu and it surprises everyone. komori and akaashi just know that they’re were genuinely pining for eachother

among probabilities and a thousand fates by aalphard

rating: T words: 15,675 chapters: 1/1

author summary: prompt fill for “in a world where the red string of fate exists, person a’s finger always twitches when person b, who can see the string, tugs on their string” | or sakusa thought he had a tic and atsumu liked to see his confused expression when it started to happen exclusively when he was around.

my notes: i! loved! it!! so basically atsumu and osamu have the rare gift of seeing the red string of fate, so they know its real but sakusa, like most other people dont believe it exists. so atsumu gives sakusa a (kinda) hard time. rlly cute!! i love soulmate aus!

-bokuaka-

love in the time of wifi by dalyeau

rating: G words: 4,177 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Akaashi is coming to terms with the fact that he might be romantically interested in his volleyball captain. Hence, doing what any sixteen year old with a problem should do. He asks about it online.

my notes: really cute fic about akaashi asking what he should do about his crush on a site similar to reddit. its kinda a “i didnt know it was you” kind of fic and it made me happy

steam by orphan_account

rating: E words: 8,474 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

bokuto: why is he so hot bokuto: why am i so gay kuroo: LMAO you mean your vice captain right bokuto: yeah

The coach blew the whistle for practice to begin, and Bokuto drummed his fingers against the bleachers, awaiting Kuroo’s reply. He was about to walk away, when his phone buzzed in his hand.kuroo: i got this bro bokuto: what bokuto: wtf does that mean

Bokuto started to panic.

my notes: explicit!!! but really wholesome. kuroo is honestly the best wingman. i also think this is my favourite bokuaka smutfic??

just to miss the sun by rosevtea

rating: T words: 15,126 chapters:1/1

author summary: Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

my notes: akaashi is a booktuber and bokuto crashes one of his streams. fans begin to speculate. rlly fluffy and can u tell i like bokuaka

brain fish by iceblinks

rating: T words: 12,026 chapters: 6/6

author summary: Akaashi wakes up to a string of texts from an unknown number.

my notes: i love text fics and i love wrong number aus so u can tell how much i loved this. really fluffy and i come back to it time to time

-kuroken-

us three by honey_s

rating: T words: 5,137 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo’s gaze flits over to the utensil. His eyes bulge out of his skull. “Wh—is that a meat hammer? Put it back!” Akaashi’s head recoils back in confusion. “I don’t understand the problem here.” “Why on Earth have you got a fucking meat hammer? We aren’t going to kill somebody!” “Well,” Akaashi begins, clearly taken aback, “I apologise for assuming. I had heard Kenma-san had been hurt in school and after getting a message from both of you to meet late at night, I merely filled in the blanks and assumed we were going to beat someone up, for lack of a better term.” “Not literally! I meant metaphorically, or figuratively, or something!” “Idiomically?” “That isn’t a word, Bokuto-san.” “Jesus Christ,” Kuroo groans, dropping his head into his hands. “We're going to jail."

my notes: bokuaka and kuroo are ready to beat someone up for kenma!! and we stan!!

Cherry Pits and Cat Tattoos by strawberryriver

rating: G words: 6,141 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

Kuroo has been in communication with his soulmate ever since they were kids. They've known each other for so long that he never really worried about when or how he would meet them. At least, not until he meets the roommate of Bokuto's soulmate.Soulmate AU in which things written on your skin show up on your soulmate. Companion piece/same AU as Serendipty

--------------------

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to write on his arms. Despite his mother's half-serious warnings about “ink poisoning” or staining his skin, he insisted on marking his arms and legs wherever he could. Not like his best-friend-since-always Bokuto Koutaro, who had to write on his arms or he’d forget to breathe, but artfully. He’d draw designs, animals, the occasional chemical compound. The whole idea behind soulmates fascinated him: how one person could mark their arm and someone potentially thousands of miles away, would have that same mark appear. The amount of articles, studies, and books he’d read about the topic, even at a young age, could put an undergrad researcher to shame.

my notes: again with the soulmate au bc i cannot help myself. but really cute!!! probably gonna read this again later!

Boom, Toasted by protostar (hearthope)

rated: T words: 6,782 chapters: 1/1

author summary:

FROM: yuuji any bets on who hes texting??

FROM: eita He's smiling at his phone. Kuroo, probably

FROM: kentarou Kuroo

TO: fake family Have any of you ever once considered not prying

FROM: eita You deserve it

FROM: yuuji how can we not when ur in love!!

Kenma gets a text from an unknown number. He'd be lying if he said the guy behind it wasn't kind of endearing.

my notes: again, i love wrong number texts. it focuses more on kenma’s friendship, but kenma’s pov with texting kuroo is more than him realizing feelings and stuff. really cute, ive read it multiple times.

Japan's most subscribed by NeverNothing

rating: T words: 3,631 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Kuroo Tetsurou @blacktetsurou changed his bio : volleyball player, co-owner of Bouncing Ball Corp. and so much more ;)

my notes: i! love! social media! fics!!! really cute and basically people wondering who the mysterious kuroo is to applepi.

MATSUHANA!!! the underrated gem

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic

rating: M words: 2,119 chapters: 1/1

author summary: Hanamaki breaks his No Texting In Class rule, and it's all downhill from there.

my notes: honestly more funny than it suggests, but its matsuhana, they’re meme lords.

rated m for by orphan_account

rated: T words: 10,692 chapters: 1/1

author summary: He should have known that there was a Specific Reason™ why it was so absolutely vital that he and Matsukawa specifically meet for a reading of the script. He should have known that there had to be some evil catch beyond sitting in a tiny, cramped studio with his newly sworn enemy.

Hanamaki stares at the title of the script he’d so gracefully neglected the night before.

FORBIDDEN PARADISE

“Excuse me,” Hanamaki starts, raising a pen in the air while staring blankly at the packet in his free hand. “Just to clarify, you want me to record a boy's love CD with Matsukawa?”

my notes: a very good voice actor au. there is some misunderstanding on hanamaki’s part bc he didnt finish listening to matsukawa, and this is really cute and i love matsuhana.

In A Quiet Night, All Sounds Carry by levyovochka

rating: E words: 4,794 chapters: 1/1

authors summary: “Ah, ah, Too—!”

Hanamaki hates his university dorm.

“—ru, let me cum, please!”

Hold up. That’s a fucking understatement. Let him rephrase it: Hanamaki loathes his university dorm with passion. Detest the damned abomination, abhors it—

“—ru! Coming, coming—”

It has only been a month and Hanamaki already wants to die.

my notes: as u can guess minor iwaoi // rlly well written and bottom hanamaki rights and maybe my favourite matsuhana smutfic??? and hooh boy i simp for matsukawa

call me maybe by totooru

rating: T words: 33,689 chapters: 14/14

author summary: Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.

my notes: minor iwaoi, daisuga, bokuaka // god i think this is my favourite matsuhana fic overall, maybe in general, but my god is it great. this is probably a common rec, but its understandable as to why it is. basically au where makki texts matsun (who goes to karasuno) instead of oikawa for tips to beat iwaizumi at an arm wrestling match. but they keep messaging. and holy shit i love their conversations. please read this, it is 256/10

there we go!! i might go a part two with more ships (kagehina, tsukkiyama and iwaoi) but this took up way to much time lol. i have an essay due in a couple hours. but hope u like these fics as much as i do!!

47 notes · View notes

hikari-writes · 4 years

Text

『Haikyuu!!』

Birthday Oneshot

❝ The Times We Spend Together ❞

Pairing: Yamaguchi Tadashi

Warning: Nothing, just floof

Genre: FLOOOF

Words: 2.2k

Taglist: @ssucrose @laylahoran @whootwhoot @mirakeul @sunacity @hajibee @luv4kiyoomi @tamaguchi @cadenceh2o @hidehaskak @yamagucji @ynainnit [Join my taglist here!]

A/N: OSJXKD I FINALLY MANAGED IT--- W H E E Z E--- HOPE U ENJOY!! HAPPY BDAY YAMAGUCHI ILYSM NOWNEXCUSE ME WHILE I GO. DIE--- (also this is the first yams fluff ive ever done aha---)

“So, the plan is to have Tsukishima and Y/N bring Yamaguchi into the gym and-- …..Uh...Y/N, are you listening?”

You snapped out of your daydream as soon as you heard Daichi calling out your name in the middle of his explanation. You looked at him with an awkward grin and nodded your head enthusiastically.

Daichi didn’t look into your reaction any deeper and continued with his explanation. You took that opportunity to heave a quiet sigh.

This wasn’t going according to your original plan.

Tadashi’s birthday was coming up, and as his girlfriend, you’ve planned out what you’re going to do with him, from over a month ago. Just the two of you, together alone.

But after today’s practice, Daichi secretly called out to you and revealed his plan to make a surprise birthday party for Tadashi using the gym. Obviously as his girlfriend, you were asked to join in on the plan. You didn’t dare to tell him that you had already planned out to celebrate Tadashi’s birthday alone with him -since you didn’t want to come off as selfish or anything- so you decided to just, went along with the plan.

Although Koushi did ask you beforehand whether you had an early plan with him or not, to which you replied with a no. Well, technically, you didn’t have any arranged plan with him, since it was supposed to be a surprise after all, so you’re not exactly lying.

Kei, who knew of your original plan, thought of how idiotic you are for not telling the truth. He actually tried to tell Daichi but you stopped him before he got to.

“If you’ve already got something planned, why would you agree to this surprise party?” Kei asked, rather begrudgingly.

“Well….I just want Tadashi to have fun with his team--- friends too...you know? This party will be like, his bonding time with his friends, and I’d love to see him just be genuinely happy with them. B-besides, I can always celebrate his birthday with him anytime later! So you needn’t worry about it.”

Kei just rolled his eyes at your “heartfelt” confession (as he’d call it). However, if that’s what you wanted, as a friend (though he won’t be admitting that part out loud), he’ll support your decision.

Today’s volleyball practice was cancelled (for obvious reasons) and as planned, both you and Kei walked back with Tadashi. The plan was for you to act as if you’ve forgotten something at the gym halfway on your way back home and asked them to accompany you to fetch it.

Things were going well, you and Kei felt that you’ve walked far enough and you were about to open your mouth and start your act, until Tadashi turned towards you with a bashful smile on his face. You immediately froze up and smiled back, trying to act naturally but it’s pretty evident that your smile was strained.

“Y/N, uhh… I just remembered something…Today is my birthday! ….so uhm...I just thought… maybe we could spend some time together or something… If you’re not busy, that is!!”

You continued to keep up your strained smile while your mind went into riot mode. You took a glance at Kei who was as shocked as you at Tadashi’s sudden invitation. You guys weren’t expecting this. Like, at all.

Kei, thank the god for his quick thinking, mouthed a “Just say yes,” at you and after that quickly excused himself while pretending to answer a phone call.

Tadashi looked back at you with unsuspecting eyes, still waiting for your answer.

“Uh…Yes! Of course! I’d love that. Are you really okay with spending your birthday with only me though?” You asked sheepishly, trying to hide the grin that was about to form on your lips. It kinda felt wrong -since the volleyball club team had already planned out a surprise birthday party for him- but you couldn’t help but to feel so happy Tadashi invited you to spend time together alone with him on his special day. You might even combust with happiness at the time had your rationality not kept your mind together.

“I wouldn't ask for anything else in the world.”

With that, you were ready to leap at him and shower his face with kisses while also trying to explain that you two can have your birthday date after he attends the surprise birthday party at the school gym, until Kei -the only rational one here- pushed away your face with his hand in an attempt to stop you from doing anything stupid and ruining the surprise.

“Well, you two can have your birthday date or whatever. I’ll just go home for now. Happy birthday, I guess, Yamaguchi.”

Kei casually left you two alone and you caught a glimpse of him waving his phone at you, signalling that he'll inform you about the next strategies over the text. You silently nodded at him, although you doubt he saw you doing that.

“Well, let’s enjoy ourselves then.” You turned back to Tadashi and held his hand. He took the lead and you walked beside him, your heart feeling all warm and fuzzy. In a sense, this was according to your original plan, excluding the surprise part, that is. It was like killing two birds with one stone. You got to have your birthday date with Tadashi -minus the surprise part- and he got to celebrate it with his friends. It’s a win-win situation. Everyone’ll be happy.

As it was already pretty late in the evening, you two decided it would be best if you just have a simple date at a fast food restaurant. Since there’ll be more food you got to eat later at the surprise party, you thought up a lie to convince Tadashi to not buy too much food. And by ‘not too much’, you literally mean only getting some french fries. Soggy ones for him, of course.

“Tadashi! Truth is….I made a cake for you and I left it in the fridge at my house. So uhm...I think it’s better if we don’t buy too much food for now.” It was hard for you to lie to Tadashi, since you’ve never done it to him before (not that you have any reason to do so in the first place) so you were extremely nervous he’ll see right through you. Thankfully, he didn’t. Which just made you feel more guilty even though there’s literally no reason for you to feel so. (Well, you did make his birthday cake though, so at least that’s the truth. It was just at the gym instead of in your fridge, that’s all.)

It was just like any normal date you’ve had. You and him just chatting while eating your fries, teasing him and poking his cheeks once in a while and vice versa, and just….giggling like idiots in love at a fast food restaurant without caring for other people who were staring at you.

You checked your messages to see new messages from Kei.

You heaved an involuntary sigh which caught Tadashi’s attention. You could feel his concerned gaze boring a hole through your body so you quickly beamed the brightest smile you could muster his way.

“Something’s wrong?” Now that he’s actually asked that, you were left with no choice than to tell the truth to him. Well, just partially though.

“Nothing, just…...I just wish time would stop forever right at this moment….” The way you nonchalantly said that earned a blush from Tadashi and he quickly covered his flustered face with his hand and a chuckle.

“Well, we may not be able to do that, but I’ll treasure these moments we share together for forever.”

You squeezed his hands and brought it closer to your lips before kissing his knuckles. A soft laughter escaped Tadashi’s lips at the ticklish feel of your lips against his muscular hand.

“Now that I think about it, time flew really fast, huh? Before we know it, the year is ending.”

“And Christmas is coming up soon. Do you---”

“Is that even a question, Tadashi? I’ll spend Christmas with you even if you didn’t ask.”

You could see Tadashi heaving a relieved sigh. You continued to play with your fries and twirling it around until a question struck you.

“Tadashi, what’s your birthday wish for this year?”

You slammed your hands a bit on the table and Tadashi could see how your eyes sparkled when you shot this question at him. He was a bit taken aback by the sudden enthusiasm, but he wasn’t complaining. Seeing your cute face lit up is one of the best things in his life after all.

“Hm...I don’t think I have anything in particular….I’m already so happy right now that I have you in my life, and so many friends and…..I’m happy that I’m even able to play volleyball.”

You loved how his expression softened when he talked about the things he loved. The way his lips would tug into a genuine and soft smile, and how there’s a small tint of pink blush dusting his cheeks…. It all just looked so perfect in your eyes.

After finishing your last fries, you widened your eyes in realization and looked at Tadashi with a sheepish smile.

“Ah...sorry about this Tadashi but I think I left something at the gym….Can you come with me to get it back?”

As you were approaching the school, you texted Kei to get ready. He left it on read but whatever, he knew what he was supposed to do when you said that. You opened the gym door and Tadashi noticed how it was unlocked but no sooner than that, all the lights in the gym were turned on and several loud sounds of party crackers echoed throughout the gym alongside a harmonized and synched “Happy birthday, Yamaguchi!”.

You walked up to him and wore him a homemade party hat on his head. He stood there still for a moment, as if his mind was still processing what was happening at that moment but soon after, a deep blush covered his entire face and ears as he stumbled over his own words, all the while wearing a confused smile on his face.

“The team decided to do a surprise birthday party for you, so we got all this planned out. Well, the part where you invited me for the date wasn’t part of the plan though, but we managed things somehow.” You explained the details to him with a big grin on your face. Tadashi’s blush darkened and he could almost feel himself combusting with happiness.

“Thank you, everyone! Really, this is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“Well with that said, let’s party!!” Ryuunosuke and Yuu both yelled in unison while dragging Tadashi across the gym and laughed. You giggled at the sight of your poor boyfriend getting dragged away from you, and decided to enjoy yourself too at the party.

“Thanks for the great time guys! Be careful on your way home!” Koushi reminded you guys after all of you were ready to head back home. You all replied in unison and made your way back home, ready to hit the hay after tiring yourselves out.

Kei had gone back with Akiteru who picked him up (though he seemed reluctant at first), so you were left alone with Tadashi on your way back.

“Aren’t they just the best? You have a great team and friends, Tadashi. I’m so happy for you.”

You held his hand and squeezed it tighter. That particular night was pretty chilly, which gave you all the more reason to warm his hand up by holding it. Tadashi let out a soft chuckle and nodded his head. Truly, he was extremely blessed to have such amazing friends.

“Hehe...aren’t you forgetting something or are you just pretending to forget about it?” You breathed out a mischievous laugh and you could see his shoulders tensed up at the question. He knew exactly what you meant, but he didn’t want to be the one who brought it up.

You stopped in his tracks and so did Tadashi. “Well, close your eyes now and hold out your hand.” He did as he was told and you took out a small box out of your bag.

Tadashi waited patiently for you to finish doing what you were doing, but his heart leapt out of his chest when he felt his fingers brushing against something. His heart was racing and the blush on his face was more evident now. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t what he thought it was, but deep down, he wanted it to be. Just the idea of it had already sent him flying to paradise.

“Okay, open your eyes now!” You held his hand right in front of his face and when Tadashi slowly opened his eyes, he couldn’t suppress the grin that was forming on his face.

“It’s beautiful...Thank you, Y/N.”

He stared at the silver couple ring on his ring finger fondly. You showed him yours with a cheerful smile adorning your pretty face.

“Do you like it?” He turned to you and suddenly caught you off guard by cupping your cheeks in both his hands and softly pressing his lips against yours, melting you in the warm, affectionate kiss. As soon as your lips parted, he pressed his forehead against yours and whispered, “I love it so much. Thank you.”

A soft laughter escaped your lips and you embraced the freckled boy tightly.

“Happy birthday, Tadashi.”

The End

#yamaguchi tadashi x reader #haikyuu yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #yamaguchi x reader #haikyuu yamaguchi birthday #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu yamaguchi x reader

34 notes · View notes

goose-books · 4 years

Photo

goose-books productions: a 2020 review

view the image in higher quality here! (open the image in a new tab to zoom in.) thank you to my dearest @yvesdot for the template

transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! for reference, you can find my projects here :-) overall, new and old followers, thank you for another good year over here! [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your h

january

i spent late 2019-early 2020 working on 2019’s nano project, quark, aka the speculative fiction thing about new york city and prophets and dissections of the chosen one trope and gay people. quark is my second-oldest project (five years!), but it’s also probably the most ambitious, so it’s been... difficult to wrangle into place, and i didn’t end up finishing a first draft. oh, well.

enjoy a snippet that is devastatingly emblematic of everything about quark. the tone. the homoerotic tension. the ensemble cast all talking over each other. the fact that caelum has spent pretty much this entire scene crying. fun autopsy report meeting.

Marble stares at the notebook in Shade’s hands. Or maybe he’s staring at Shade’s hands. Dawn feels a little voyeuristic, so she does what she does and says a dumb and unrelated thing: “Augustus, I think this pizza-on-the-floor thing is hurting my ass.”

Augustus flutters his hands. “Sometimes nonconformity is painful.”

“At least we’re originals,” Caelum mumbles into his sleeve.

“Exactly,” Augustus says.

“True originality doesn’t exist,” Marble says.

“Oh,” Shade deadpans, “it’s going to be a fun autopsy report meeting.”

It isn’t.

february

in january i stressed myself out trying to make the plot of quark work. so in february, i decided to take some time and write something Entirely For Fun. like, entirely for fun, no rules. and. my god. how do i explain the project i started calling “third eye for the bad guy.”

it was an unholy mashup of many of my past hyperfixations, including the gone series, a tale of two cities, warrior cats, and the left hand of darkness. one of the characters was a canon scalie and one was a canon fictionkinnie. it centered around a polycule of wannabe-evil-overlord high schoolers. i only wrote like three chapters but i was lost in the sauce for all of february and then i just… like… wiped it from my mind and moved on? somehow??? one character was a werewolf and that literally wasn’t relevant at ALL

Someone was going to die on these steps.

This had been Ivy Lee Palomo’s thought last year during the all-school photo, and it rose in her mind again now. The one hundred marble stairs leading up to the great double doors of Saint Constantine Academy were the school’s pride and glory, steep as the mountain, sharp as the blade under Ivy Lee’s skirt. With the cutting wind and snow glazing the stone more often than not, with the freshmen wild and wired on their first day of their first year, it was really only a matter of time before someone slipped and cracked their fucking head open.

It wasn’t going to be her. Not when she had Doc Martens and reflexes like an electric coil. Still. Ivy Lee didn’t want to watch someone die. She didn’t get along with dead people.

march

in march, i got back to the project i’d started in 2019 - AMT, my podcast! it’s a shakespeare retelling set in a modern high school; this excerpt is funnier and also more unnerving in context. (double, double, toil and trouble...)

INDRAJIT: What the hell are you doing?

[PAUSE.]

DEE (like she’s lying): Making pasta.

[ALL THREE OF THEM LAUGH.]

NONA: That’s right.

MORA: We have the keys to Mab’s office.

DEE: We’re using her stove.

NONA: To make pasta.

DEE: Do you want some?

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

INDRAJIT: No.

april

and darkling rears its head! all of my other projects have existed for at least a year; darkling (specfic king lear retelling) is... special. it was conceived in april, when i started hyperfixating on king lear, and i still managed to write an absolutely ridiculous amount of content for it. it was like the power of hyperfixation let me speedrun the entire process. which. okay.

iv: control

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

may

in may i wrote AMT episode 15, by which i mean that in may there was a day when i sat in my room with the door shut for literally five straight hours listening to the same three songs on loop as i wrote the climax of one of the plotlines of AMT. so. that sure was… a day.

ISAAC: Do you want… do you want someone to drive you home? Hawk, you’re worrying me -

HAWK (almost cutting him off): Don’t. Don’t say that. I’m here to help. With your… thing.

ISAAC (quietly): I… don’t know if you should be here to see this.

HAWK (a little louder, more audibly upset): Well - what else am I going to do? Go home and - and have my dads talk at me and - and not be able to answer them? Because I can’t? I can’t. I don’t know what to say.

[PAUSE.]

ISAAC (V.O.): I wonder if this is what he feels like, on the outside, looking in at me. Watching someone else hurting. Helpless and afraid.

He still fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of his head and pull him close to me, like I can stop him from shaking, like I can stop anything from happening the way I know it’s going to. I bury my face in his hair. He smells so familiar. He’s so warm.

God, Hawk. I love you so much. You shouldn’t be here to see this. Something bad’s gonna happen. And you’re not the kind of person who belongs in a tragedy.

june

okay, honestly, i should talk about “night shift” here, because in june i wrote a whole short story in one night (and then foamed over it for a week), but i am still in the process of submitting it places! so i am terrified to put even a sentence of it online. instead: the other thing i did this month was to finish AMT! (sixteen episodes and somewhere around 175k, iirc, but don’t quote me.) these lines are the opener to the final episode!

RAHMA (V.O.): The combined series of sophomore year disasters stretched through November. It’s June now. It’s taken me… a long time to get this all put together. I was going to make a vlog about it, initially - well, calling it a vlog sounds frivolous. I was going to make a video recounting the whole deal. All of it. From when I kissed Avery Fairchilde to the very last night. I scripted dozens of drafts; I put together dozens of bullet-pointed lists of what to cover… and it was never enough. Because Avery and I weren’t the only ones involved. Even if I was only focused on the two of us, it wasn’t just the two of us.

So… I gathered up everyone else. The whole town of Ellisburg is still talking about the week the town went crazy, but it wasn’t just a week. There was a lot leading up to it. And I think if anyone’s going to talk about it, it should be us. The people who lived it. So here we are. The most ambitious Rahma Ashiq production of all time - at least so far.

july

every july i pause whatever else i’m doing to celebrate the birthday of aurum & argentate, twins from my oldest and dearest WIP The Mortal Realm. july fifteenth! mark your calendars. they’re princes, though argentate would really rather not be; you can read the full birthday piece here.

“Do you… plan to get dressed?” A bit of the usual humor crept back into Aurum’s voice. “Although if you want to speak to the kingdom in your underthings, by all means, you have my full support.”

Argentate scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t dressed, no, but the usual malaise hung over his shoulders like a cloak. Guilt. Nerves. The sick sense that he hadn’t done something he was supposed to. The numb knowledge that it was too late to change a thing.

“I meant to,” he said. “Get dressed, I mean.” The rest went unsaid: I have just been sitting here. On the floor. Thinking about how I should get dressed.

“Ah,” Aurum said, extending his hand. “The traditional route. We’ll save the nude speeches for the future, then.”

Argentate took his hand, stumbling a little as Aurum pulled him to his feet. He steadied himself on the closest wall, taking a few deep breaths. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. His hands found their way to the cross, again and again.

august

this summer, i wrote an entire draft of Valentine Van Velt is Dead, AKA “holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy,” AKA the weird little personal side project i keep tucked into my coat. interesting features include second-person narration from a narrator who doesn’t like the main character all that much. so reading it is kind of like the book wants to kill you? with an added dash of general melancholy.

You used to live here. That’s the thing that’s got you feeling so off.

You didn’t recognize your old house. I mean, you kind of did. You remembered that the road was on a hill. That hill felt like a goddamn forty-five degree angle when you were a kid. But if you didn’t have the address written down you wouldn’t have known it at all. It would have been just another little suburban house in rows of perfect little towns that make your skin crawl.

So now you’re in this diner looking out a gross smudgy window trying to block out the elevator music pumping through the speakers in the ceiling or whatever. I don’t know how speakers work. You’re trying to tune that shit out. The waitress comes over and catches you by surprise so you just point at some coffee thing on the menu so she’ll go away. For the record: you don’t drink coffee.

There’s a public library across the street. A little square building. You probably used to go there. The lady comes over and thunks your coffee on the table and gives you a kind of look, like she wants to know what in the goddamn hell you think you’re doing here and not at school. You sip your coffee and look out the window until she leaves you alone again. And then you spit it back into the cup because, for the record: you don’t drink coffee.

september

i spent september and october prepping for nano, so i was mostly working on darkling...

It’s late spring; still, at this time of night, on a rooftop, there’s a chill. The wind plays with the end of Ruby’s coat, with her hair. She hands the bottle off to Jasper, stares up at the fogged-over sky, wishes she were lying in Dany’s arms in Dany’s bed instead of here. Wishes, even, that Dany were the one on the roof with her. At least then they’d be cold together. At least then she wouldn’t have to imagine what Dany would say; she could just listen, and watch Dany’s flashing smile and her flinty eyes.

(She cuddles. This is another thing Dany does that Dany probably shouldn’t do, based on everything about Dany; it’s not like rattlesnakes cuddle. But Dany likes to nuzzle into Ruby’s side and rest her head on Ruby’s collarbones and toss an arm over Ruby’s chest, and hold her down like she’s worried she’ll float off somewhere. She’ll card her fingers through Ruby’s hair and hum. Even though they could get caught, even though she’s probably got better places to be - Dany cuddles.)

Ruby imagines it, momentarily, both of them on the roof together, sprawled like horrifyingly beautiful gargoyles, sharp teeth flashing, blood running hot. Up here - it’d be like they ruled the world.

But whatever. Jasper’s fun. He’s hot. He’s got a sharp tongue in a lot more ways than one. And she likes when he lets the mask down. She likes seeing the soft bits underneath. She wants to sink her teeth and nails into them so hard she draws blood. Masks don’t bleed. Ruby would know; that’s why she is what she is.

october

...though i was also in creative writing class in school, and thus ended up writing a bunch of poems of varying quality (my teacher had a real thing for poetry) and also one darklingverse short story where rory and cressida hold hands! which you can find here.

Lorelai Rory Flowers is afraid of thunder.

This is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit, as they’re seventeen (“at least seventeen,” they like to tell people, “maybe two hundred, who’s to say?”) and generally wise beyond their years, or whatever it is that adults say about kids with too much psychological baggage. Being afraid of thunder is not a very wise-beyond-one’s-years trait. And yet the state of affairs remains: loud noises make Rory want to melt into the earth. Back when they still went to school, even the fire alarm sent them scuttling under their desk to hide.

Right now, in the elevator, all they can do is shrink into their sweater.

They haven’t let go of Cressida’s hand yet.

november

and then november of course was nano which was an adventure all the way through. (opening tumblr on the fifth day of nano to find out about d*stiel... was something.)

“Apologize to me. Or get out of my house.”

Gracen’s voice is very, very low. For a moment she thinks he hasn’t heard her at all. Then he spins, eyes blazing. “What did you say?”

Gracen watches her own chest heave. She pushes herself up off the desk, stands with the effort of pushing a mountain off of her back. Leovald is six-foot-four. Gracen is six-foot-two. In her heels, in the heels she must wear to be a professional woman, to be a lady - they are the same height.

Gracen wipes her nose. When she lowers her arm, there’s a streak of blood across the back of her hand. Fire shivers in her chest; her heart rings in her ears; her voice could cut steel.

“I said,” she says, low, slow, volume building, “apologize to me. Or get. Out. Of. My. House.”

december

and finally, the poem i posted this year! it’s called the beast sonnet, and you can find it in its own post over here (with commentary! how sexy.)

i kill the beast and drop down to my knees, my blade stained dark with blood of stygian hue, and for a moment these scarred hands shake free, and hold a world unfurled for me anew. but once-mourned victims, victors, vices find; fear winged me; now its absence strips me bare. my sword now dulls, my legs, my voice, my mind; the beast, pried from my throat, leaves no skill there. and still i hear it laugh, O DEVOTEE— O CHILD DEAR, NO GLORY WITHOUT ME.

i was quite productive this year; i have to think it was because i was avoiding things... the peak of my productivity happened over the summer and in november, AKA, college app hell. (almost done with the last applications! pray for me.)

a general breakdown of what occupied me this year:

(no, i don’t know why the “various other things” category ended up so large... i blame all the one-off projects i wrote a single page for, and also whatever the fuck happened in february. yes, i do know why it looks hideous; it’s because each of my WIPs has a theme color

thank you once again for spending some time at goose-books dot gov this year! what to expect for next year: well, i very much hope i can produce AMT... also hoping to get darkling ready for beta readers, so keep your eyes out!

#max.txt #and that's a wrap!!! what a goddamn year.#okay. breath in. tags:#quark tag #third eye tag #(i think there are like. two posts in that one?)#amt tag #darkling tag #tmr tag #vvvid tag #wow that was a lot of text. if you read all this... [blows you a kiss] thank you!#max actually writes #year in review

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toomuchtv95 · 4 years

Text

My Savior Part 6

Characters: Jay Halstead x Reader, William Miller (OC), Other One Chicago Charters

Word Count: 2.8k+

Chapter Warnings: Fluff, Swearing, Medial talk (Badly lol)

A/N: Okay, I tried to do some research on it the medical stuff so don’t judge.

Enjoy! :)

A/N: Excuse any major grammar mistakes hopefully Grammarly caught most of them.

Series MasterList

You and Jay were definitely were in the honeymoon phase of your marriage. The two of you have been married 4 months and the two of you could barely keep your hands off your each other. Every chance you two got, you were at each other like rabbits, not that either of you were complaining. Recently Jay was sent undercover and has been gone for about a week. Jay was not able to keep in contact with you, but he promised you that Hailey would keep you updated as much as she could. Of course, you were worried about him and the possibility that something could happen to you, but this was his job.

“Hey Y/N, somebody by the name of William Miller called asking for you.” You stopped dead in your tracks when you heard Maggie say that name. You have not heard that name in 6 years. “He left a phone number.” Maggie handed you the piece of paper with the number scribbled on there.

"Thanks, Maggie." You walked into the doctor’s lounge and sat down at the table. This cannot be happening. William Miller was your father who was a drug addict, alcoholic and gambler all mixed in one. He had gotten your mother pregnant and then disappeared for a while. Then he reappeared when you were about 5 and ever since then he had been in and out of your life. He would show up out of the blue asking for money to help support his ‘needs’.

“Hey, you alright?” You looked up from the piece of paper to see Will grabbing a cup of coffee.

“My father is in town.” You whispered as you shoved the piece of paper into your pocket.

“What? Are you serious?” Will and Jay were the only ones that knew about your father, and you wanted to keep it that way. You wanted nothing to with him and what he was associated with. If he’s in town its probably to gamble all his money away, drink his problems away and looking to score some drugs. He comes and goes as he pleases. The only time he actually bothers you was when he needed money. “What does he want?”

“Probably the same things he always wants.” You muttered to yourself. “Look, Jay is still undercover. So, just don’t say anything if you see him. I just need time to figure this out before I tell him.”

“Okay, I won’t say anything, but you will have to tell him.” Will stood in front of you before reaching over and squeezed your hand for reassurance. “Do you have any idea when he will be home?”

“No. All I get out of Hailey is that he’s okay.” You ran a hand through your hair before looking down at your wedding ring.

"Well, I'm here if you need me for anything." You gave him a soft smile as he patted your shoulder before leaving you alone. You took your phone out from your pocket hoping that there was a text update from Hailey, but unfortunately, there was nothing. There was a knock on the window alerting you that you were needed.

It was lunchtime and you already felt like you have been here a whole shift. You saw at least a dozen patients and to say you were tired was an understatement, you were exhausted. You decided to take your lunch at the food truck to get some fresh air and get your mind off missing Jay and your father looking for you. As you grab your sweater, you check your phone again, but still no word. You told Maggie that you were going on lunch if see need you for anything. Zipping up your sweater, you started to head to the food truck but stopped in your tracks when you saw him.

A smile spread across your face as he crossed the street. "Jay." You whispered as you ran over him basically jumping into his arms. The moment you were in his arms, you wrapped your arms around his neck and attached your lips to his. Once Jay set you down, you lightly punched his arm causing him to let out a grunt.

“Ow. What was that for?” Jay rubbed his arm in the spot you hit him.

“You could have called! I have been worried sick. You know how many times I check my phone a day?” You weren’t really looking for an answer just making a point.

“Look I’m sorry. I literally just finished the job and I came straight here to see my wife.” Jay reached over and cupped your face before pulling you into for another kiss. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” You kissed Jay once again. “Well, your just in time. I’m on lunch and your buying.” Jay chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. Once the two of you got your food, you sat at the table and he gave you a small summary of the undercover he was doing. He wasn't allowed to talk about it, but he told you what he could.

“Something on your mind?” Your mind kept wandering back to your father. You wanted to enjoy Jay's company and that he was finally home, but you couldn’t help it. You thought maybe you should call him and tell him to leave you alone. Or maybe you should just tell Jay, but if you tell Jay there a chance that he will go overprotective husband/detective, and who knows what he’ll do.

“I just got some information that wasn’t expecting. That all.” Jay reached over and laid his hand on top of yours. “I’m good. I promise.” You smiled at him just as your pager went off. Grabbing your pager from your pocket, you saw that you were needed back in the ED. “Okay, I get back.”

The two of you gather up the garbage then Jay walked you to the entrance. “Look I’ll be home early. Probably before you. I just have to get back to the district finish up a few things.” Jay turned to fully face you. “I’ll have dinner and no I’m not telling you what it is.”

“You really know how to charm a woman don’t you?”

“Only one woman.” You shook your head as he kissed you. “I love you and I’ll see you at home.”

“I love you too.”

You were not sure why you waited this long, but you did and now you were paying for the pain. This morning you woke up to a sharp pain in your upper abdomen and you were pretty sure you pulled a muscle of sorts considering that you do jog when you get the chance and you did go for a jog last night before dinner. You popped some over the counter pain meds and went to work. The meds, of course, did not do anything as the pain still came and disappeared. You stood at the nurse’s station holding your side and rubbing it gently.

"Hey, you okay?" Will came up behind you laid a hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah, I just pulled a muscle.” With that said you felt like you were going to vomit. You ran over to the nearest trash can and empty the contents of your stomach.

“Woah, Y/N!” Will came right behind you and held your hair back. Will leaned over and glanced in the trash can. “Y/N, that blood.”

“Will’s something wrong.” You held your stomach as the pain was unbearable.

“Okay, let’s get you in a room.” Will placed a hand on your lower back and guided you into a room. "Okay, let's hang an IV with morphine. And get me the ultrasound machine.”

“Will! What the hell happened?” Jay walked into the ED 20 minutes later and approached his brother with a worried expression.

“She has a stress ulcer. It's a sore in the small intestine caused by stress.” After being admitted, Will ran some tests to determine what was wrong. The ultrasound machine wasn’t clear, so he decided to send you upstairs to get an endoscope done and then when the results came back.

“Stress?” Jay looked at Will like he had two heads. “Okay, I’m lost. What going on?”

“Jay, it’s not my place to say.” You still haven’t told Jay about your father being in contact with you. Maybe that how all this started. With you trying to hide the fact about your father has been putting a lot of stress on you and it doesn’t help that you have been working a few extra shifts lately. Pulled muscle my ass. You should have just gotten it checked this morning, but no you wanted to suck it up.

“Will," Jay spoke with a stern voice in hopes that would get Will to talk. Jay figured something was bothering you since he came back, but he thought it was just you working extra hours. But now he can clearly see that wasn’t the case and Will knows what's going on.

“She’s going kill me for this.” Will placed his hand on his brother’s upper arm and pulled him to the side so that they were away from people. “William Miller is back in town. She got the call a couple a weeks ago. She told me she was going to tell you when you got back but by the looks of things, she didn’t tell you.”

Jay was couldn’t believe that you would hide this from him after everything you two have been through. Even though Jay was angry and upset, he was still your husband and he needed to know if you were okay. "How is she?"

"She's okay. I got her on some medicine that that will help the ulcer heal and then got on her a mild pain killer for the pain. But other than that she will be fine. She upstairs in recovery. I just want to keep here a little longer to make sure she stable.” Will patted his brother on the shoulder. “Go see her. Just don’t stress her out too much. She could have another episode.”

As Jay walked past his brother, he headed towards the elevator and as he rode the elevator up, he couldn’t help but think about you and this secret you have been hiding. Once he arrived at the floor you were on, he walked over the nurse’s station and asked for your room. The nurse directed Jay towards your room which he then thanked her and walked over to the room. As Jay approached the room, he saw you lying there with an IV in your arm and an oxygen tube. You slowly opened your eyes when you felt someone in the room. Looking to your right, you saw Jay standing there with his hands in his pockets.

“How are you feeling?” Jay slowly walked into the room before approaching the bed and sitting down on the edge.

“I’m okay.” There was an uncomfortable silence in the air, and you had a feeling that it wasn’t because you were lying in this hospital bed. “Jay…”

“Why didn’t you tell me that your father is back in town?” Damn it, Will. You should have figured he would tell Jay, even though he said he won't tell Jay. You removed the oxygen tube from your nose and slowly sat up.

“I thought I could handle it on my own and I was going to tell you, but I just didn’t know how.” Tears formed in the corners of your eyes. You never wanted Jay to find out like this. “I’m sorry.” You whispered as you looked everywhere but him.

Jay placed two fingers underneath your chin and forced you to look at him. “You know being married means you tell me these things so that we can work them out together.”

“I know and I should have told you.” You leaned forwards and rested your forehead on his shoulder. Jay rubbed your back for a moment before you pulled away. “When can we go home?”

“Will wants to keep you here for a little longer just to make sure everything is okay.” You sighed as you laid back on the bed. Jay chuckled as he stood up from the bed and motioned for you to move over which you did. Once Jay laid down, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder which you laid your hand on his shoulder.

Since telling Jay about your father things have been radio silence from him which led you to think that Jay had something to do with that, but he promised that he had nothing with it. Maybe he gave up and moved on to his next victim. On a positive note, your ulcer was healed, and you were pain-free. Having an ulcer made you realized that you were no longer going to hide any secrets from Jay. Today, was your day off and you had gotten a text from Jay saying that he was able to get away for lunch. The two of you agreed to meet at your favorite Mexican restaurant at 1 pm which was in about 20mins. Once you had changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, you grabbed your phone, keys, and purse and headed out to meet Jay. As you arrived at the restaurant you notice that Jay hasn’t arrived, yet which gave you a moment to glance in the mirror to check yourself and that’s when you saw him.

You closed the sun visor, grabbed your stuff, and hopped out of the car. "So now you're stalking me?” As he approached you, you could clearly see that he was intoxicated which you were not surprised.

“I just wanted to see my daughter.” William took a step closer to you causing you to step backwards. “You’ve been ignoring me.”

“You are not my father. You are a drug addict, alcoholic gambler. You only show up when you need money.” Anger rose in your voice as you secretly pray for Jay to show up.

“It’s different this time. I’m trying to get clean. I just need a little money to help me get through it.” He took another step reaching out to grab you.

“Don’t touch me.” You backed away again and this time you ran into someone. You instantly turned around and sighed in relief.

“You heard her. You need to leave.” Jay stood slightly in front of you in a protective way and flashing his badge at William. “Or I can arrest you for public intoxication along with assault.”

“This is none of your business. We are just having a friendly conversation.” William tried to step around Jay to get to you, but Jay stood completely in front of you blocking William in case he decided to make things worse.

"It is my business. She's my wife." Jay placed his hand on his gun ready to draw, feeling the situation might escalate.

“Yeah, I did. Not that it’s any of your business. It’s not like you care. You aren’t my father. You impregnated mom and left her high and dry because you were too busy to be a real father.” You step a few inches to the side so that you could see William eye to eye. “You need to leave, or he will arrest you.”

“Look you owe me.” William once again tried step around Jay to grabbed hold of you and that’s when Jay grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. Jay pushed William up against the car and pulled out his handcuff and cuffed him.

“Told you he would arrest you.” You weren’t going to lie, seeing Jay in action kind of turned you on.

“You bitch. I am your father!” William tried to get out of Jay's grip but of course, Jay was strong than him.

“You’re under arrest.” Jay read him his rights as he shoved him into the backseat of his truck. “You okay?”

You nodded your head as Jay shut the door of the backseat. “Not going to lie. Kind of turned on.” A small smirk formed on your face as Jay shook his head with a small on his face.

“I was really looking forward to lunch.” Jay grabbed your hands pulling you closer to him.

“Tell you what. I’ll make us a romantic dinner. Set some candles and we have the night to ourselves." You whispered so that only the two of you could hear. “And then we work our way to the bedroom to have dessert.”

“Babe, you can’t say those things to me and expect me to stay focus at work for another six hours.” Without a word, you placed a small kiss to his lips before pulling away and stepping away.

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#jay halstead #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead x reader #Chicago PD #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader

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perahn · 4 years

Text

Palliative Nursing

One of my patients died today.

I first met Arthur a couple of months ago. I’m a community and palliative nurse primarily, but I was covering a shift on the ward. He’d been transferred over from another hospital. I never really worked out why, since he was only coming in overnight before being discharged home.

When I came in, his wife Anne was trying to comfort him. He had only received his diagnosis recently – prostate cancer, which had spread to his bones and his brain – and he desperately wanted to go home. He was also frustrated to the point of tears at the way his body had betrayed him. He had been strong and independent, and now he was tired and weak. The struggle to find the words he wanted left long gaps in his speech, and so often neither Anne nor I could help.

He wanted to die. He wanted – he could convey that much – to leave the world ‘with dignity’; if it was time for him to go, he wanted to go. And Anne sat there, and tried to soothe and calm him. He wanted euthanasia, and he could not have it, and I was never sure whether she wanted that for him, or if she wanted to hold onto him as long as she could.

The next time I saw him, he was home again. They’d been in the process of selling their house and downsizing, but Anne cancelled it. So Arthur came home to a warm, sunlit room with an en suite, and they moved their bed down into it. He was a different man when I saw him at home. The words that had deserted him in hospital came more easily, and he smiled, and he could enjoy food again. By about my third or fourth visit – I was seeing him twice a week at that stage, just making sure he had everything he needed to be comfortable at home – he was telling Anne it was a pity all their sons were married and he couldn’t have me in the family.

He had time and support. His daughter Eden moved in for a while; his son and grandchildren live next door. The weather turned warmer, and he sat out in the garden. The family gathered around him, and they took a photo. He was, for the most part, free of pain. You don’t expect that once it gets into the bones, but I am grateful for it.

There is a distance, and there has to be. You aren’t there for every step of the journey, and you come into it as a stranger. Anne woke every time he did, and walked him to the toilet. She coaxed him to eat, helped him use the walker, rubbed ointment into his swelling legs and reminded him to elevate them. She nursed him, and so did Eden. I… stepped in for the other parts. The paperwork. The questions you never think about until someone you love is dying. How do you, and what if, and when, and what do we do about -?

There were changes, last week. Words began to slip away again, and sitting up grew harder. I asked Anne if they wanted a bedside commode for him, so she didn’t have to walk him all the way to the toilet three times a night. She said no, that the exercise was good for him, and they were managing. Then she rang the next day, told me he’d slipped while trying to sit on the toilet, and maybe they’d better have one after all. So my boss Sam and I got one out to their house on Friday. Eden followed me out to the car. She didn’t want to ask in front of Anne, but what needed to happen if, or when, Arthur died? Who did they call, what did they do about his body?

It was a long weekend, and we had the Monday off. Anne rang Tuesday morning. Arthur had significantly deteriorated over the weekend, she told us. She and Eden couldn’t get him up, and they’d been nursing him in bed. His painkillers didn’t seem to be helping as much, because he was restless, turning in bed and plucking at his clothes. My boss covered two of my patients so I could go see Arthur as soon as possible.

Anne was curled up beside him in their bed. Other family members were gathered around, and one of them left the bedside so I could go talk to him. “Here’s Katherine,” Anne said, and Arthur opened his eyes and reached out his hand. He tried to say something as I took and held it. I know he recognised me, even if I couldn’t understand what he wanted to say.

Later I came back with a syringe driver. We use these a lot in palliative care: little machines that very slowly administer a dose into the subcutaneous tissue over 24 hours. Usually, like this one, they’re loaded with morphine, for the pain; midazolam, for agitation and the restlessness that comes over the body in dying; and metoclopramide, for the nausea the morphine can cause. They’re smaller, simpler, and less invasive than an IV line, or repeatedly sticking someone with needles. Arthur didn’t even flinch as I put the first line in, or the second one. The second one is for top-up doses; I used it immediately to give him a loading dose, then taught Eden and her brother how to access it if they needed to give him more pain relief. I left an envelope with the verification of death form at the house.

I left the house not long before seven pm. According to the roster, I’d been supposed to finish at 4:30. That was all right.

The syringe driver runs over 24 hours, but I stopped in to see Arthur and his family around 11am. Arthur was lying on his side. Eden had needed to give him some extra, and so had Anne, but on the whole he’d had a good night, they told me. He didn’t respond this time, although he called out hoarsely a few times. I gave him another top-up, and told Anne I’d be back to change the syringe driver once I’d spoken to the doctor.

I discussed how much top-up Arthur had needed with the doctor, and then one of the other nurses made up the new syringe with me, and my boss covered a patient appointment I had, and I went out to Arthur around 2pm.

Eden was in the front room, continuing to work from home; Anne was on the lounge with a laptop. Arthur had been so peaceful and quiet, she thought she’d get the laundry and a few other things done. Anne and I went in, and she told him I was here to change the medicine, and she’d help him roll over so I could reach. She reached out and touched him, and then she turned to look at me.

“He isn’t-” and she backed away.

I checked the carotid artery.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Anne. “He’s gone.”

And then I held her as she wept.

She was so devastated. She hadn’t been there for him as he died. He’d been alone and she’d been sitting outside, and she hadn’t known.

And it doesn’t matter how many hours she lay beside him, how poorly she slept, half-listening and ready to help the moment he stirred, night after night, the literal around-the-clock nursing she gave him, the long years they lived together. It doesn’t matter how hard, physically and emotionally, it is to support someone you love dying at home, how much she and Eden had gladly sacrificed to give him what he wanted. It doesn’t matter how many people do die alone, waiting for the moment everyone’s back is turned to slip away in privacy. None of that softens the pain, not in a moment like that.

I pray they will eventually.

I got Eden for her, slipped out to the car to get what I needed, and to give them time to themselves.

They had him cuddled between the two of them when I came back, and eventually they chose to leave the room so I could do the necessary things.

I rolled him onto his back, heard the faint groans. Wiped his mouth and crusted eyelids. Removed the lines I’d put in yesterday, straightened his shirt. I was talking to him, every step. It’s just something you find yourself doing. “Sorry, Arthur. I’ve just got to roll you over and get these lines out. I’m sorry if this hurts...”

It’s… not an easy thing, verifying a death. I had thought he was dead the moment I came into the room, and I’d checked for a pulse. Even so, part of you almost refuses to be sure. His hands were so cold, but his throat was still warm. I couldn’t feel a pulse, but maybe that just meant I was doing it wrong (I knew I wasn’t, but what if? What if I had hurt these people so much, and I was wrong, and I had to go tell them he was still alive, and however would they cope with that?) I put a stethoscope to his unmoving chest and listened for a heartbeat, or for breath. I couldn’t hear anything, but I was breathing very loudly myself in my mask – would I hear it? Wasn’t his chest moving, just the tiniest bit? I had to rub his sternum very hard to see if there was any movement away from the stimulus, and I apologised.

Then I lifted his eyelids. ‘Fixed and dilated pupils’ is what the form says, clinical terminology that is accurate as far as it goes. What it means is that you look into those eyes, and they are still and glassy, and the soul behind them is gone.

I could doubt the rest of the tests. Not that one.

I went out, told them I was finished. We talked; I told them what an amazing job they’d done, how proud they should be, all the things that don’t mean anything to them right at the moment, but might later. I stepped into another room to ring the doctor and let her know. I filled out the verification of death form and hid it away in a plain white envelope. Eden rang her brother, and again we went over the final things to be done. Here’s the form. Ring the funeral directors when you’re ready for them to come pick Arthur up. There’s no rush. Call anyone else you think will want to come say goodbye. Give yourselves as much time as you need.

Eden’s brother arrived. She’d sent him a text to come over, but hadn’t wanted to say why. So he came striding in with a cheery ‘hello’, and Eden said ‘He’s gone’, and she choked, and he crumpled. He went softly into the room where Anne was lying beside Arthur, stroking his face and murmuring to him. Too softly; he touched Anne’s arm and she jumped.

Clearly despite herself, Eden laughed.

“I thought for a moment,” Anne said, “that he’d fooled us all. That he was just pretending.”

Which hurt, and still hurts, and I shall remember.

When I left them, it was with the three of them clustered around the bed, the son trying not to cry. They didn’t need me, but I’d drop by in a couple of days if they wanted, I said quietly.

Anne would like that, she told me, and she thanked me for all I’d done. That Arthur had always been glad to see me. “He had his favourite nurse,” she added. “Beautiful Katherine, he said.”

I don’t understand the depth of grace that lets you say something like that in the midst of such terrible grief, but I shall remember that, too.

The last time I made a post a bit like this, I had a little bit of a moral to share. I don’t, this time. I am writing because it helps me process, and I shared it because…well, I still think we need to talk about dying, I suppose, and this is a way to add to the conversation. Because it is such an honour and extraordinary privilege to be a palliative nurse. Because some of you might, like my patients and their families, have questions you don’t know how to ask. Because it touched me, and it might do the same for you. Because love and grief and service to each other are such essential parts of our humanity.

Eternal rest grant unto him, o Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon him. May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Amen.

#nursing #personal #palliative care #tw: death #tw: dying #disclaimer: all names changed

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fragmentedink-archived · 4 years

Text

Hell to Pay: Part Forty

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: hey how about that! there’s no trigger warnings to look out for in this chapter :’)

Amara leaned against the bedroom doorway where Nik was staying. “Good afternoon, sleeping beauty.”

Nik rolled over, squinting at her. “You’re still alive.”

“What, a few days of nothing but Cameron supposed to kill me?” Amara snorted, and flopped down on the bed beside him.

“The fact he hasn’t killed you in your sleep says something.”

“Says he needs someone to take care of before he turns into a literal skeleton, is all. But if I said that to him, he wouldn’t let me stay, now would he?” She plopped a bag beside Nik. “I brought you a gift, and it wasn’t a conversation about your alpha’s issues.”

“And what’s in the bag?”

Amara opened it. “All the supplies we’d need to cut and dye your hair back to it’s former glory. I even brought you plenty of colors to choose from if you want something new and funky.” Amara patted his head.

Nik wrinkled his nose at her. “Have you ever cut hair?”

“Yeah, sure I have.” Amara grinned. “Or I wouldn’t offer to cut yours, you peacock. This is how I know you’re related to Nate, you know.”

“If you’re suggesting Nate would let you cut his hair, he’d break your fingers,” Nik said.

“Oh, no.” Amara gave a laugh. “I’m saying you’re both vain.”

Nik had the balls to look offended at that. “Pot meet kettle,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re all pretty little birds. Now get pick some colors so we can go make you look presentable again.”

Nik glared at her, but sat up and started to rifle through the bag. “Were you expecting to dye my hair rainbow? I’m not Nate.” He eventually settled on a deep emerald green. “Here. This.”

“Good choice.” Amara pushed at him. “Now to the bathroom we go. It’s time for aggressive bonding to make up for the not being friends for months.”

Nik grumbled at her as she bullied him into the bathroom. She fully expected it when he went for the window, pushing it open. Amara set up on the clippers and dye while he got settled, and then turned to Nik.

“Put your pretty butt on the toilet so I can get to clipping,” She said.

“Make me,” Nik said petulantly.

“I will shave your head,” she threatened, waving the clippers in his direction. Her threats were empty, and she was sure he’d know it, but what was friendship if not a little bit of consensual bullying?

“Shave my head, and I’ll drink all your booze,” Nik retorted.

“Don’t have any. Reneé dumped it before she moved out, and I didn’t buy any more. Find a scarier threat or sit down so I can make you pretty again.”

Nik squinted at her, but eventually plopped down on the toilet. She hummed, pleased, and went to work. It was nice, being close to Nik again, and she knew, while he was here at Nate’s, someone was keeping an eye on him. Not that Cameron wasn’t, but Cameron was grieving too, in his own way. That might be impossible for Cameron to admit, but Amara knew it was true.

Nik sat through the trimming and the bleaching and the dyeing silently. She was gentle, and let him have his silence, even though the whole process took hours. Once or twice Nate popped in, but Amara didn’t call him out on his fretting. Nate had every right to be worried, even if Nik was in very good hands.

Nate poked his head in as Amara was finishing up. She turned off the dryer, and turned Nik around. “Well?” Amara asked. “What do you think? I do good?”

Nate looked Nik over, and then said with a smile, “He looks great.”

“I always look great,” Nik muttered.

“Yeah,” Amara said, running her hands through Nik’s hair carefully. “You do.”

Nik pursed his lips. “Don’t flirt with me.”

“Oh, Nate can compliment you, but when I do, it’s flirting?” Amara scoffed. “You of all people should know the difference between my flirting and my flirting.” She thought about ruffling his hair, messing it up, but instead she stood and started cleaning up her mess. “I should probably go. Cameron’s probably not gonna be happy if I miss dinner.”

Nik shot her an amused look. “Are you going to start calling him daddy too?”

“No,” Amara said. “But someone needs to keep him on his schedule, or he’s useless to me.”

Nik looked down at the floor. She squeezed his shoulder.

“Hey. He’s doing fine. But i’m also not gonna risk getting kicked out tonight.” She turned to Nate. “Get him in some sun. I don’t wanna see a day where I’m more tan than he is.” As if that were possible, but she really did worry about him cooping up in bed too long.

---

It had been several days now that Ash couldn't keep anything in his stomach. The dark magic cast that had clearly been a failure, had been soaked into the earth and he had spent the entire time in a cold sweat and vomiting his guts up regularly. It was only now that his body gave him a break.

He went to find Nate, who was holed up in his art studio. "So, I'm not currently dying," he said, leaning against the doorframe. "Wanna see if Lev's soul got shredded in that shitshow of a spell?"

Nate looked at him with a tired, irritated look, putting down his barely used paintbrush. “Tactful as always, Ash,” he sighed. “But, yes. If you’re up for it. I don’t want you dying on me. I’d rather not have another ghost haunting me. Especially you. Then I’d never get any sleep.”

Ash ignored that particular dig. “Then let’s get moving. The sooner we get any kind of confirmation, the sooner this ludacris business will be over with and I can move on with my pain-free life.”

Nate got up from his stool and moved to the center of the room to a paint splattered rug and sat cross legged. Ash watched from the doorway and he could taste the dark magic in the air- dark magic, but not… dark magic. Death was a shadowy world and Nate’s magic had the ability to snuff out life, even after death- to leave a soul nothing more than a forgotten memory.

Nate sucked in a sharp breath, eyes snapping open when he felt… something, a spirit ripped into space, nearly crashing into the floor.

“Well,” Ash said, “I’m guessing that answers that question.”

Nate reached over, taking ahold of the spirit, bringing it to a physical form. “Are you alright?” Nate asked, tiredly.

“What- happened?” Lev asked.

“Tried to bring you back to life,” Ash said. “It failed, dark magic made me sick for a week. Nik got his hair dyed, Cameron fainted because he didn’t eat for over a month. You know, normal things.”

Lev looked to Nate. “Is it supposed to hurt? Like this?”

Nate lifted his shoulder in a helpless shrug. “I don’t know,” he said, quietly. “Your soul just- disappeared. I was worried it got shredded.”

“How long was I gone?” Lev asked.

“A week,” Nate said.

“Spent the whole time vomiting, but you know. Like I just said. Besides, is your soul intact? Do you feel… something missing at all?”

“I feel whole… it just hurts. But it doesn’t.” Lev stopped, and gave a hysterical laugh. “Phantom pain.”

That got an unexpected snort out of Ash. “Okay, puns are my thing,” he said, feeling an uptick of a smile on his face. “But as long as your soul is intact, I see no reason why Amara would stop trying to bring you back.”

“She probably won’t,” Lev said, sounding very, very tired.

“Do you want to come back at all?” Nate asked, quietly. “If you don’t, I will make her stop.”

“What I want and what i should do are two different subjects,” Lev said, after a pause.

“Well,” Nate said, with that legendary patience. “I didn’t ask you what you should do. I asked you what you wanted to do.”

Stars, he could really tell Nate was Bay’s mate. They were both annoyingly similar sometimes.

Lev looked to him, looking very guilty. “I want it.”

“Well,” Ash said, rubbing his temples. “Don’t let me stop you.”

“I wish it didn’t hurt you,” Lev said. “It would make my decision a lot easier.”

“Don’t stop on my behalf,” Ash said, tiredly. “The others haven’t. You might as well join the majority.”

“What- Lev?”

Ash froze at that voice, cursing himself for not being able to hear Nik. He was too damned good at being able to move around like a shadow. Nik was staring at Lev, wide eyed. “What’s going on? And why am I never told a single fucking thing about it.”

Lev looked at Nate, a little stricken. “I’m not supposed to talk to him,” he said, almost a plea to not tell Bay; to not get in trouble with him.

“Yeah well,” Nik said, “Fuck what Bay says. He can get in line after you talk to me because everyone seems to get to talk to you except for me.”

“That would be because you’ve been a wasted train wreck who has been suicidal and nonstop drunk for the last four months while also taking heavy drugs, and oh yeah, overdosing on said drugs. So forgive me for not wanting to watch you have yet another emotional breakdown when your boyfriend must once again disappear into Ghost Land.”

“Ash,” Nate chastised.

Ash ignored him and kept his attention on Nik. “Be pissed all you want, but you know you would have gone even further off the deep end if we told you and you fucking know it.” When Nik looked moments from snapping back, Ash said, coolly, “Do not forget, I know when you’re lying.”

Lev gave such a quiet, “Ash please” that even he could barely hear.

Ash cut Lev a look. “Am I wrong?”

“No, but yelling isn’t going to make anything better.” Lev said. “It’s just hurting people.”

“Yes, hello,” Nik snapped. “You all seemed to have forgotten I am in this damned room and I am tired of everyone ignoring me and my wants. But hey, at least we’re all treading around me like I’m some delicate flower who needs their hand held. Lev. Talk to me.”

Lev slowly looked at him. “They didn’t tell me you dyed your hair green. It looks nice.”

“It’s queer coding for Nik is a train wreck,” Ash replied. “However, yes. It does look nice.”

Nik smiled just a little bit. “Four months and the first thing you tell me is my hair looks nice? I always look nice.”

Well, that was a lie, but whatever.

“Yeah but it’s a new nice. I haven’t seen green streaks in your hair before,” Lev said, to Nik.

“Looks good, doesn’t it?” Nik said. “Almost went for orange but… i don’t want that clashing with my skin… and my aesthetic… can’t ruin it. Won’t do it.”

“I think you would look very nice with orange streaks,” Lev said, loyally.

“Oh I’m sure you would,” Nik said, his smile growing just a little bit more. “Cameron, however, would not think your opinions on the matter are valid, considering you wear jorts. So.”

Nate had winced at that. Clearly Nate was on the same fashion spectrum as Ash and Cameron seemed to be.

“You’re bullying me again,” Lev said, petulantly, returning Nik’s small smile.

“Mmm. Am I?” Lev laughed a lil at that. He looked happy. Nik looked a shadow of it, not quite, but not the void he was. Somewhere in the middle. Somewhere between dead and alive. “Did- are you alone? Just watching us?”

“I have company,” he said. “Nate talks to me. I’ve been trying to not hover so much. It seemed to make you agitated.”

Nik’s face fell, seeming to fold in on itself. His scent changed, soured almost. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice more echo than true words.

Lev looked so guilty. “It’s not your fault,” he said. “I needed the space to think anyway.” When Nik didn’t say anything, Lev added, “Coming back is… complicated.”

Nik began picking at his bracelets and seemed to struggle with what to say. Nate looked to Ash meaningfully, and Ash chose this particular time to once again paint himself as the bad guy. “Alright,” he said, pushing off the doorframe. “I think visitation time is over. Lev tell your boyfriend goodbye.”

“Are you okay with that?” Lev asked Nik.

Nik’s breath was too shallow, and Ash didn’t think Nik was going to answer at all. Especially when he was still picking at his bracelets. He could tell Nik’s blood pressure was rising and he was going to damn well fight an anxiety attack to keep himself in this room with Lev. “No,” Nik said, tightly.

“Lev,” Ash said, sharply.

Lev looked from him back to Nik. “If you need me, Nate can get me.”

Nik didn’t say anything, Ash wasn’t sure he was capable of saying anything. The only response Nik had was blinking hard, tears slipping down his cheeks. He wiped them away harshly and turned on his heel, pushing past Ash and disappearing down the hall.

“I fucked up again, didn’t I?” Lev said.

“No,” Ash said. “Nik. Is grieving. You didn’t do anything.”

He didn’t wait for anything else from either Nate or Lev before disappearing after Nik. He found Nik in the kitchen and grabbed his arm before he tried looking for what he always did. “You. Cannot. Drink.”

Nik whipped around and glared at him. “And why not?”

“Because I said so?” When Nik tried arguing with him, Ash said, “Alright. How about because your alpha said so and one step out of line means you don’t get to go home. Nik. Please. Let’s go outside. Beach, maybe?”

Nik’s face fell faintly, but it was enough Nik stopped fighting him on it. He wiped at his face again. “Fine. But you’re buying me lunch.”

“Fine,” Ash said, relieved.

“Wherever I want.”

“Deal.”

----

Sorin poked his head in Cyrus’ study. It was even more a wreck than before. Where it’s chaos had been confined to the desk, now books lay scattered on the floor, and Cyrus was sprawled over piles of notes.

For days Cyrus had been cooped up, going over his notes repeatedly. Sorin had barely been able to drag him to bed. He was about ready to do so again, now, but watching Cyrus work, brow furrowed in thought as he chewed on a ring absently, made Sorin pause.

“I’ve stayed up too late again, haven’t I?” Cyrus finally said, looking up.

“A bit.”

Cyrus hummed, and then went back to staring at his notes.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Sorin offered with a wheedling tone. “I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow if you go to bed soon. Like, now soon.”

“That seems rather unfair. I get up earlier, and I cook the oatmeal better.” Cyrus smiled down at his books. “You’re going to have to offer better if you want a deal.”

Sorin snorted, but before he could figure out what to offer, Cyrus snapped his head up. Before he could process it, Cyris jumped up and kissed Sorin, hard. “You angry ginger genius,” Cyrus said, ruffling Sorin’s curls.

“I’m confused,” Sorin said. “What did I do?”

“Well,” Cyrus corrected. “I’m the genus, but you brought the inspiration.” He wandered to the desk, and pulled out a piece of paper. He scribbled a quick, ‘I have the solution. Bring Amara, either tonight or tomorrow’, and sent the paper away with a flutter of magic. “We need a better deal.”

---

Cameron had allowed AMara access to the front seat, provided she keep her mouth shut. He had the windows up for once, faint music playing, but that didn’t seem to stop her from sitting ramrod stiff like Nik did, except she was holding onto the safety bar.

“Would you like me to roll down the windows?” he finally asked, mildly.

“Won’t do anything, it’ll be fine,” she said. “I trust you to not crash the car.”

He did not want to sit next to this halfway panicked omega while he drove. “If you trusted that, then you wouldn’t be holding on for dear life,” he said. “What do you normally do to stop acting neurotic?”

“My instincts don’t always line up with logic,” she said. “Normally I drink, but I can’t do that right now. This is why I drive a motorcycle.”

“You have been in this car several times,” Cameron said. “And against my will at that. What do you do then?”

“Talk to Nik.”

“Then call him,” Cameron said, in a bored tone, digging out his phone, unlocking it, and dropping it in her lap. “I trust you to know his number by now.”

Amara did as told and called Nik. “What are you doing?”

“Amara?” he heard Nik, say a little bewildered. “...Why do you have Cameron’s phone. Oh stars, tell me you didn’t actually kill him.”

Cameron rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t tell Cameron I didn’t like riding in cars in silence,” Amara said, “And he doesn’t like talking to me.”

“Don’t like your voice, either,” Cameron said. “We must all make sacrifices.”

“Okay, but Cameron doesn’t like anyone,” Nik pointed out, not able to hear Cameron’s response.

“Just tell me what you’re doing,” Amara told Nik. “Distract me.”

Nik was quiet on the other line, just for a few seconds before, “Ash promised me the ocean. And food. I’m fucking hungry and apparently I’ve barely eaten in the last few days.”

Cameron sighed irritably. Maybe he should have nailed it into Nate’s head to make sure he fed his idiot brother as well. This is what he got for assuming Nate had common sense.

“I’d say I’d come and join you after we’re done, but you know how much I hate the ocean.”

“Well I didn’t say you had to swim, Mar,” Nik said, sounding petulant. “And just Ash keeping me company is going to make me drown myself. He’s trying to mom me.”

“You need to be momed,” Amara said. “You’ve been a wreck.”

“Okay, then come play the role of mami if you’re going to be like that,” Nik said, with the smallest hint of a smile in his tone. “Otherwise I’m going to slip the leash again.”

“I need you to hang in there,” Amara said. “I’ll be around more soon, I promise. I’m sure there’s something fun we can do that doesn’t involve alcohol.”

He heard Nik groan loudly at the other end of the line. “How soon,” he asked. “I’m all twitchy and you’re the only person i fucking know who doesn’t bother lying to me.”

“After I’m done with my field trip with Cameron, I’ll come over,” Amara said. She paused before adding, “Unless something dramatic comes up. Everything seems drama lately.”

“Fine,” Nik said. “We’ll be at the beach. Don’t forget sunscreen for your delicate skin. If you forget, we already brought some for Ash.”

“I’m offended,” Amara said. “My side of the family doesn’t burn. Well. Reneé does, but that’s because she’s a ginger.”

He could hear Ash scoff in the background.

“Mhmm,” Nik said. “I’m sure.”

They came up to the house settled in the woods. “We’re here. Tell Nikolas goodbye, Amara.”

“I gotta go Saint Nikolas,” Amara said. “Stay out of trouble and I’ll let you punch me for calling you that.”

Nik retorted something, but it was cut off as Cameron took the phone from her. “Behave,” Cameron said. “I’ll stop by later.” And with that he hung up and got out of the car.

He didn’t bother waiting for Amara to catch up with him before walking into the house and going straight to the study where Cyrus was waiting. “You summoned me?” Cameron asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“We didn’t offer anything in exchange.”

“Consider me shocked,” Cameron said. “Did you have something in mind? I’m sure Death doesn’t take monetary payment.”

“I figure it’s fair to give Death a life for a life,” Cyrus said. “Kill the man who killed him.”

“That would be my brother,” Cameron said.

“Well it’s not like Cameron’s going to do it,” Amara said. “When do you need him?”

When Cameron didn’t offer any input, Cyrus said, “I need to come with you. So I’d rather we wait until tomorrow, at the very least. I need to contain his soul so we can use it in the spell.”

“Anything else?” Cameron asked, mildly.

“Are you feeling up to helping me cast the spell?”

“I said I would,” Cameron clipped out.

“I didn’t ask if you would, I asked if you could.” Cyrus said. “I won’t do it unless you’re healthy enough to.”

“Well here I am,” Cameron said. “The picture of health. Anything else?”

“Is there anything we need to change about the spell? Setting wise? Process wise? Is there anyone else that needs to be present?”

“It will be done at my house,” Cameron said. “Nik will not be there. Neither will Nate or Amara, They’re both going to keep Nik away from here. Ash will be there to make sure his body is functioning, as neither you nor Sorin are healers, and Sazra is a demonic healer and Lev’s body will likely be too delicate to withstand demonic healing. Anything else you need to know?”

Cyrus shook his head. “Let me know when you guys plan on killing Destris so I can join you.”

Cameron picked at a nail, but nodded and turned on his heel and went to the car. He heard Amara behind him, and before she could start on her tirade, he said, “Backseat.”

“You’re not even going to discuss what I, a full grown adult, am going to do? I don’t mind keeping an eye on Nik, but you didn’t even ask.”

“No, I am not,” Cameron said, stopping at his car and looking her squarely in the eye. “As you keep reminding me, I am Lev’s alpha. You are not. Cyrus contacted me, and not you, making this my problem, and not yours. And since this will be done at my house, with my omega, you are going to listen to me, and if you do not, I will physically restrain you and keep you from stepping foot near me, Nik or Lev until everything is well done and finished. Understand?”

When she did not respond to him, Cameron got into the driver's seat and waited for her to obey him and get in the back. Only when she did, did he hear her mutter under her breath about this being her idea. Might have been her idea, but as soon as she opened her mouth, and her idea fai9led the first round, Cameron was taking it into his hands and not leaving this in the hands of an impulsive child who can babysit Nik for him while he made sure this went smoothly. “I will not be with you when you kill Destris,” Cameron said, pulling the car out onto the road. “And when you watch Nik, do not let him drink. Ash is very insistent on it.”

“I know.”

“You will call me when it is done,” Cameron said, flicking her a look through the mirror. “And I will make the necessary arrangements. I trust you can kill a demon without someone holding your hand.”

“Destris would be dead within twenty-four hours,” she said. “Do you want proof?”

Cameron thought about that for a few minutes, quiet and not saying anything. “No,” he said, “I do not.”

---

Nik laid out on the sand, eyes closed while he took in the sun, the sounds of the ocean and the people around him. Even with the beach swarmed, and with Ash next to him, he still felt eerily alone. And almost like the perfect timing did his phone buzz with a text from Amara.

Mar: Hey, a job came up, but if you still need me, I’ll come

Nik thought about it. However, he had the feeling if she did show up, her brain would be elsewhere and it wouldn’t even be like she was there to begin with. Might as well let her get on her way so she could pretend like she was actually there.

Nik: It’s fine. Do your thing

He put his phone back down and folded his hands over his stomach, closing his eyes. He felt Ash sit down next to him. “Do you want to swim?”

Nik was silent for a few moments. “No, I don’t think I want to. Just sit here and not think for a while.”

Ash settled in the sand next to him and Nik looked over, raking his eyes over Ash’s frame. “You going to put on that sunscreen so your pale ass doesn’t fry?”

Ash cut him a glare, and made a point about how he settled with his eyes closed. “I’ll heal. Still want to get something to eat afterwards?”

“Yeah,” Nik said. “Withdrawal has been a pain in my ass so I’m trying to get something in my stomach.”

“Probably wise,” Ash hummed, slipping his fingers in Nik’s hair, pulling it out of his closed eyes. “Anywhere you’re wanting to go in particular?”

“Guelaguetza, I think,” Nik said. “Miss being able to taste my food.”

“Whatever you want,” Ash said.

“You’re being suspiciously accommodating,” Nik observed, sneaking a peek at him.

Ash twitched his mouth to the side, looking a little amused. “Well, I did say you could choose. And since you’re not being a pain in my ass at this particular moment of time, I thought I would give you a treat for behaving.”

“Hmmm. Fine.”

“Mhmm,” Ash said, settling back down in the sand with a heavy sigh. “Fine indeed.”

----

The restaurant was full of color and food and sounds. Nik seemed pleased to be here, even if they did have a rather long wait. Nik seemed happy enough and that was worth the time spent waiting for a table. The happy chatter around them was filled with laughter and the lovely waitress brought menus for both Nik and Ash.

He had Nik order his food for him since Ash had no idea what to get, but Nik seemed to know exactly what he would want. Nik traced lines into the brightly colored floral print decorating the tables, humming a song Ash didn’t know under his breath. It had been- quite some time since he heard anything like that from Nik.

Their food was brought out to them and Nik happily started digging into his food. Ash started on his own, and he was surprised there was only a faint burn in his mouth. Nik gave him an amused, dry look. “I got the mild. Just for you.”

“I’m touched,” Ash deadpanned.

“Anything for you, vato,” Nik said, with a sickening sweetness.

Ash rolled his eyes, but watched him carefully while Nik ate. After a few minutes, Nik closed his eyes, looking away from his food. “You alright?” Ash asked, mildly, taking a bite from his food.

“I think I ate too much, too fast,” Nik said, pushing his plate back just a bit. He seemed to wait, to see if his stomach would settle, but then abruptly got up and disappeared to the back.

A waitress seemed concerned and asked Ash if his friend was okay; if there was something wrong with the food.

“No,” Ash said. “It’s perfect. He’s just not feeling himself.”

She smiled at him, tan face bright and dark eyes sparkling. “I hope he feels well soon.”

Ash had the feeling Nik would not be feeling well any time soon, but he still offered her the same smile in return. “I hope so, too.”

Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @idreamonpaper @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @caelisis

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #hell to pay #ch: cameron #ch: ash #ch: nik #ch: Nate

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mousehole5000 · 4 years

Text

tgcf lb the second. chapters 7-13

love that we’re getting fu yao and nan feng described as “two little pretty boys” amazing and completely as expected also everything theyve done is 10000% funnier now

The military officials heard their impromptu, slapstick live comedy and couldn’t help but smile. The dissatisfaction in their hearts had dissipated a lot, and they felt a bit more closer to the other three. This resulted in the sedan chair becoming much more stable. - tbh it is often true that if you make people laugh they are more likely to like you in my experience. to be fair what xie lian did was funny theyre a funny trio

okay time for some creatures and beings. base slaves do sound terrifying no thank you i do not like hordes. remind me a bit of husks from mass effect and those were the worst so. also xie lian wielder of silk ribbons i like it

im very :eyes: at fu yao and nan feng rn. i think theres more going on with them..... i have suspicions but we’ll see

well goodbye butterfly boy who crushes skulls and spiritual arrays and sick boots and taught me what a vambrace is. im guessing we shall meet again i have the strangest feeling that ive heard about you

In fact, all of the dead people in this room wore wedding garments while smiling even in death. - grim!!! spooky!!!

The moment he finished saying that, he pinched that corpse’s face twice. The youngster only felt that the skin beneath his hands felt smooth like tofu, making people’s hearts feel itchy. - eww!!!! also dont feel up the corpse buddy wtf. also everyone leave little ying alone

Drip, drop. Drip, drop. This created the frightening scene of a forest filled with corpses as blood rained down from above. even more grim!! - happy halloween kids

When he heard Fu Yao’s explanation, Xie Lian thought in his heart, ‘This name was truly unnecessary. If it was a ‘Devastation’, then it was a ‘Devastation’. If it wasn’t, then it wasn’t. Just like how there were only the phrases, ‘ascended’ and ‘haven’t ascended yet’. There were no such things as ‘near ascending’ or ‘approaching ascending’. On the contrary, adding on a ‘near’ word made people feel awkward. - nevermind the deaths, xie lian needs to make some points about semantics. it has nothing to do with the situation at hand and i love it

QI RONG IVE HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM MY MUTUALS!!! terrified

Who knew how many times he had already said that phrase tonight. Every time something happened, Xie Lian would have to say it at least thirty to forty times. However, there would always be people who turned a deaf ear to his warnings. He felt truly quite helpless. - not sure if this is be xie lian is dressed up as a bride or if its just his bad luck. or if its bc thats just how people are. either way i feel you buddy

“Excuse me for this.” Xie Lian grabbed a hand from each bride before placing them on each other’s necks. The two brides suddenly touched something and were very surprised. Since they couldn’t see anything, they began to fiercely destroy each other. - xie lian stop being funny fjlkajdfs;kasj also right after this he goes into his street performer spiel upon being applauded. amazing

the visual of this fight with the villagers inside the ruoye loop and all the brides is pretty sick. also xi lian on the spirit phone to ling wen while the villagers cheer is very funny

heteronormativity obfuscates another mystery... but also a possessive jealous bride walking on her knees... thats quite a figure!! and tbh it is interesting that everyone assumed that the ghost was a bridegroom who didnt want to see happy couples and not a bride who didnt want to see happy couples. congrats xie lian for thinking

bruh she ripped his skull out and it screamed

i mean the indiscriminate killing of innocent women is bad but other than that im on her side tbh fuck this general pei guy

ow wtf i just cried a little bit. xie lian’s reassurance to little ying... her response.... wtf ;_;

As for the matter between General Pei and Xuan Ji, unless one was directly involved, it was better not to comment on who was right or wrong. He could only pity those seventeen innocent brides, the military officials and drivers who had escorted them. It truly was an unexpected disaster. - valid. still sympathetic to her tho i just am

human face plague..... bruh. okay might have to alternate between reading this and watching hannibal not sure i wanna do those together

He really wanted to hang a sign on his back saying, ‘Ascension is not as good as collecting scraps’ and promote it in the mortal world. - this lb is officially just funny xie lian moments now

The meaning behind his words were basically, the female ghost Xuan Ji causing trouble could not be blamed on General Pei, because she originally did not have the ability to cause it. If they wanted to pin the blame on someone, then they should pin it on Green Ghost Qi Rong, for it was him who took in Xuan Ji and gave her the ability to harm people. - told you. i was right to blame the men

i have indeed seen the donghua trailer so my suspicions that butterfly boy was indeed hua cheng being confirmed are just like. yep. exactly as expected.

i read the second half of chapter 12 on my phone so i didnt get any quotes but hua cheng rise to infamy funny. xie lian listening to it all and just going “hehe silver butterflies pretty” is also funny

i forgot that xie lian was in debt but im glad he paid it off good for him be free

After a while, Ling Wen really couldn’t stand it anymore and privately told him, “Your Highness ah, the things you send in the spirit communication array are all very good, however, I’m afraid that even a Heavenly Official a few hundred years older than you wouldn’t send them.” - fakhlsdfjakl; ling wen really told xie lian he was facebook grandparent posting in the spirit communication array

Since he couldn’t fix this, then it was still better to just forget about it. Xie Lian gave up on this issue, and as a result, stopped being gloomy as well. - you know what i respect that attitude i really do. xie lian said well ill just get over it and he did. i need to do this with twitter

However, this kind of problem didn’t exist for Xie Lian. With the curse upon him, he was no different compared to mortals, and thus could eat everything. And because he was a seasoned veteran of a hundred battles, no matter what he ate, he wouldn’t die. Whether it was a steamed bun that had been lying around for a month, or pastries that already sprouted some green mold, he would definitely be fine after eating those things. Since he had a constitution like this that defied the heavens, he actually got by alright during the period he collected scraps. - im sorry i know i keep saying it but xie lian is so funny i love him fjasdlfsdjfadksl literally king of eating garbage i love him so much

okay more hua cheng lore next time. and this interloper in the cart... ok

#mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #honestly so far everythings just really funny #except the gruesome bit and the bit where i cried #but i really do like xie lian a lot

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insidetheacademy · 4 years

Text

Say You Love Me || iii

pairings: peter parker x fem!reader

summary: reader and peter went out and had fun times!

warnings: insecure reader? flUFFFS, explicit language (a bit)

gif credit: tomholandd

part i part ii part iii part iv part v

your back slides down on apartment door, your face were red. you were feeling happy but you also felt mad at Peter. it was a bit inconsiderate of him to just waltz back into your life as if nothing happened between the two of you but at the same time you couldn’t help but be happy that you got your best friend back.

you took out your phone from your bag to call MJ. ring... ring... ring... “hello?” MJ greets, you said “hey, i think i just made the biggest mistake of my life,” you stand up from your position to sit on a more comfortable spot. “what did you do, y/!?” MJ asked in a very concerned voice.

you explained everything to her, “i don’t think my input would be valid, honestly, but i do think that you should set some sort of boundaries between the two of you so the same thing wouldnt happened again,” MJ advices. to be fair, she was right, when you told her about how Peter rejected you, she called Peter a dickhead and she was angrier at it than you were.

what you need to do is set some boundaries. of course you want everything to be normal back but if it meant getting your heart break for the second time, is it even worth it?– you thanked MJ for the advice and ended the call.

you laid out on your couch just thinking about Peter. it’s not that you still like Peter. well, a bit. but he hasnt crossed your mind since today at that café. you were doing perfectly fine. but the thought of him suddenly liking you back is also a possibility.

ugh, look at me, you groaned to yourself. how pathetic could you be? you have everything that you ever wanted in this whole world. your own studio apartment thats filled with your art equipments and not to mention a bunch of your arts are still at the 3 months long exhibition. you ccouldn’t be more happy. you just dont get how you feel like you need someone to make you even happier?

the thought of not being so lonely sounds amazing but you weren’t sure you were ready for that commitment again.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

it was officially the day of the meet up. the “i’m getting back with my friend after i screwed everything up” meet up. you were kinda mad at yourself for promising to meet up with him. you were so nervous, you swore that your fingers are literally trembling from the fear of what’s going to happen.

you walked into the shower and try to give yourself some pep talks. practice some conversation stater or conversation fillers that you may or may not have. you wiped the fog from your mirror and take a good look at yourself. this is it, y/n, you can still cancel on him but if you do cancel on him, you’re going to look like a huge asshole, you took a deep breath and decided to put on your best face.

you picked out a leather jacket with a black top and pair it with some denim washed jeans. you put on some makeup because let’s be honest, you look kinda dead due to you not being able to sleep peacefully for the last few nights. it’s not a surprise on the reason why you couldn’t sleep. putting on a last touch your face, you put down your lipstick and look at yourself, not too bad, time to show Peter what he lost.

your phone rings without looking at the caller id, you picked it up, “hello?” you said, to which you then heard a familiar voice, “hey y/n! i’m waiting by the stairs of your apartment!” you were shocked that he still had your number. sure, six months wasn’t that long but it was long enough for you to forget some things about him– “oh! i’ll be right down there. just a sec, Pete.” you said.

you opened the front door of your apartment building to see him in his black and yellow jacket. “woah, someone’s looking cute as ever,” after you blushed at his comment, you suddenly reminded yourself that he was only messing around. you tried to not make it awkward by complimenting him too, “you don’t look half as bad as you used to, Parker” you smirked whilst looking up and down at him. he throws his hand in a “aw stop it you” gesture.

“what are we gonna do today, Pete?” you looked at his face, awaiting for his answer, “what? why me? you were the one who set this up!” he said in confusion, you laughed at him and said “nah, i’m just messing with you, Parker. we’re going to the art exhibition” you then jokingly added “so i can brag to you about how i’m doing much better in life than you will ever be,” he scoffed at you “psh, have you tried saving the planet from aliens?”

ah, yes, you remembered when you guys blipped from the world. it was a crazy experience, though it was pretty upsetting that we had lost one of the greatest superhero, Iron Man— you giggled at his remarked. once the two of you arrived at the exhibition, the both of you headed inside and straight to where your paintings are held.

you looked up brightly to your own paintings. stil couldn’t believe that a small girl like you could make it out here. you noticed Peter started taking up on the details too, especially the painting where’s theres a boy and girl who looks just like the two of you. he pointed at that one and asked, “what’s that painting about?”

it was a girl lying down on the boy’s lap while he’s feeding her grapes. it looks so elegant and you have to say it’s one of your best paintings. you loved it because it reminded the time when you went through a similar situation with him. just lazing around on the couch feeding each other snacks while reading books and listening to songs.

“well, they’re together which is obvious, i guess. lying on the couch with your significant other while doing something is such an intimate moment, in my opinion. you get to sit and talk about your day, your future and anything. i feel as if the world is small whenever i’m doing that,” you explained to Pete, you noticed that he looks at you throughout your explanation.

you grabbed his hand to lead you to the other paintings by other painters. you pointed at the scribblish one which you can’t quite describe what it was. it’s funny how even a scribblish painting could make it to an exquisite exhibition. “can you try explaining this one to me?” Peter jokingly asks, pointing to the painting that you had just pointed. you chuckled at him and said “yeah, it’s your brain whenever you’re trying to process something simple.” his smiled turned into a frown real quick earning a “hey!” from him.

you looked at Peter with a worried face and shook his arm, “i-is everything alright, y/n?” you looked down at your feet and shake your head, no, he was starting to get worried, “what’s wrong?! is everything okay?!” he asked, you looked up to his eyes and said “i’m hungry,” he once again rolls his eyes trying hard to not be mad at you, “god, you made me worried sick for a second there, y/n.” you snorted at him, poking fun of how his face looked.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

you two went to the nearest bagel shop as Peter was craving bagels eventhough you were the one who’s hungry. you ordered the classic bagel with cream cheese and Peter ordered the same too. the whole time you were queuing with him, he made you laughed. to your surprise, it wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be. it was going so well, you didnt want this moment to end.

Peter grabbed his and yours order while you were looking for a table to sit. you found a table right outside next to the window of the bagel bakery. he came right up at you and said “one cream cheese bagel and black coffee with three sugar for a sweetheart,” you melted at his words thinking that it was for you but it turns out he didnt finished his sentence just yet “and one cream cheese bagel and hot tea for y/n” if you had to roll your eyes one more time at is dumb jokes, you swear you werent gonna see the light of day again

“so, how’s Jane?” you addressed the elephant in the room. his smiled went into a frown as quick as sugar dissolves into a liquid. “she... she and i broke up a month after i... you know,” he said not wanting to bring up the topic of him rejecting you but needless to say, you were quite shocked. why didnt he messaged you after that happened to atleast confide in a friend.

you spoke “i’m so sorry, Pete. why didn’t you messaged me, though? i could’ve done everything that i could to cheer you up,” you immediately closed your mouth with both of your hands, regretting that you had said that. he’s gonna think you only care ahout yourself, “well i was going to but i figured that you didnt want to hear anything from me,” you sighed at his words and reassure him that you always want to hear from him whether it was good or bad. he smiled at your kind words

you sipped your tea and continued to make your conversations alive once again after you decided to ruin it by asking him a dumb question.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

it was now 6:30pm, you were parting your ways with Peter. he had to run off to buy a couple of things for Aunt May, you wanted to accompany him but he insisted that he can and constantly brings up about how Spider-Man can do it on his own. what a cheeky bastard.

you arrived home and settled down for a minute before opening your laptop to check your emails. you head to your fridge to make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. you had to admit eating bagels didnt exactly fill up your hunger but you weren’t feeling like eating a lot. you sat on your study desk and took out your laptop.

you typed in your email address and password, once you’ve signed in, this particular email caught your eyes, you clicked on it and read it.

“Dear y/n l/n,

We, from ArtSix company, would like to fly you over to Paris, France to work with us. We are a group of artists who would try to find interesting jobs for painters and offer them, just like you are being right now. We would like to pay the amount of One Thousand Five Hundred American Dollars for you to paint something in honour of Oscar-Claude Monet. This job would require you to move to France, if you are interested in taking it.

Would love to hear from you, soon.

Best regards, ArtSix”

you were shocked, you couldn’t believe your eyes. someone had offer to give you a job! finally, you’ll be able to earn good money while doing something you love! just sitting at home and ask your parents for money isnt doing you any good or rather at most times doing small jobs like being a waiter at a restaurant isnt doing any good. your apartment rent was getting expensive, anyways.

this might be your chance to get a fresh start! you texted MJ about the news and she said “congratulations!! we definitely have to trade paintings before you leave for 🇫🇷!!” you shoot back a gif that says “duh” but suddenly it hits you, how are you going to tell Peter? will he be happy for you or will he beg for you to stay?

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

a/n; aAAA UH OH READER IS GOING TO FRANCE WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT,, also if its not obvious,, reader is in denial skdjskfks

say you love me taglist! (dont be afraid to ask to be tagged! also i’m tagging some of yall who i think have been reading from the first chapter :-) and gave such kind criticism )

@imawkwardandhereweare @canyonmoonspidey @thebadassbitchqueen @thequeenreaders

#peter parker #peter parker angst #peter parker x reader #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #tom holland #tom holland x reader

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

Text

Stories, Tales & Facts (Part 1.) (Sriracha, Part 36.)

Series description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could let you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Hopper was about to speak up about his past - from where his trouble had started to where it ended just before few weeks. But you didn‘t know how much shit he was through.

A/N: Let‘s face it. This chapter contains huge spoilers for Hopper‘s which is completely named in novel Darkness on the Edge of Town. So it should be at least partially cannonical.

Word count: 3.8 K

Tagging: @nemodoren, @creedslove, @missdictatorme, @ysljordy

Master list: H E R E

The next morning, you had woken up pretty early in the morning. At least, you fell asleep - Hopper was awake the whole time, just staring into the ceiling before he got out of the bed to eat something, make you a coffee and breakfast. Which made you smile a bit. He was still as thoughtful as he was before.

But you didn‘t even let him take a short breath before you asked the first question of the day.

“So, you said there‘s a lot.” - You mumbled and gave him a look as you sat down, gently pulling a bit away from him. - “That means you have to start from the beginning. Every tale has a beginning, the middle, and an end. Do you understand that friends don‘t lie?” - You asked Eleven‘s most favorite sentence. This sentence was bugging Jim off a lot back in the day. When you told him the sentence, you made him feel a bit better. It was a thing so known and nice.

“If you want to start from the beginnin‘ of my trouble, we will go way down back to the sixties.” - Hopper told you honestly. At that, you chuckled.

“Jim, I already know that you were in Vietnam. That isn‘t anything new.” - You told him ironically. At that, he looked into your face.

“You know that I was there once. Wrong. I was there twice. The first time, it was in ‘62.” - Jim told you straight in your face. At that, your breath hitched in your throat. He was... Eighteen. He was fucking eighteen when he first was transported to that hell. - “And for your information, I went there voluntarily. Nobody asked me to go.”

You were looking him into the eyes. The questions in your eyes were completely vivid. Your lips were just opening and closing as you tried to tell him something back, but nothing hit your tongue.

“You don‘t understand how was it like in here back in the sixties. I didn‘t know what to do here, I was kinda... Lost. You‘re a psychologist, you should know what I was feelin‘. I wanted to feel like I‘m useful, not like I‘m just spendin‘ my life in the biggest asshole in the USA.”

“Then I went back for turnus number two in ‘68. After that, I met Diane. And believe or not, I was really happy with her. Not too long ago, in ‘71, Sara was born. And we left for New York, but you already know what I‘ve been doin‘ in there.” - He said without explaining to you any further.

Yeah, you‘ve heard that story already. How he was the big detective in Brooklyn‘s sixty-fifth district and how he went after something he called the card-murders, He almost killed a man back then. After that, Sara had died and Diane left him. Except for the Vietnam news, you hadn‘t known about any of that, you knew about everything. But the biggest shockers were just coming your way.

“I was hurt. Hurt. And then you came by and for a small while, everything seemed to be right. I felt good about myself for a time. That was when Will Byers disappeared." - Hopper took a deep breath, giving you a look. - "Promise me that no matter how crazy everythin' seems to be, you'll believe me. I won't ever make up anythin' like this. You promise?"

That was when you got quiet again, only drinking coffee while eating the mashed eggs he had prepared you. - "Friends don't lie. Tell me and we'll see how crazy this seems to be."

So Hopper did as you wished and told you about the November of '83. About Eleven, Papa, and the Lab. He didn't leave out a single detail. Jim didn't leave out any gore, he told you all about what Eleven can do, which was the first thing you weren't able to come around.

"Jim, she's a normal kid. I had raised my daughter for more than just a week. If there would be any red flags, believe me, I would notice." - You said a bit more aggressively than you anticipated. But you were sure that Jim is just fucking around with.

“You remember that one time we had a fight in the cabin and I fell flat on my ass? You thought I just lost balance.” - He told you rather seriously and you uncomfortably shifted into a different position. How would you be able to forget that argument? You were yelling, screaming, crying that night until Eleven came out of her room. - “Blood was drippin' out of her nose, which made you worried, remember?” - Jim whispered and you needed to look away for a second. You haven't noticed a single weird thing about your baby, she was just a normal, twelve-year-old girl when you met. But it all checked in, according to what Jim had told you.

After that, Jim proceeded to another part of the story - explaining why Will was getting worse and worse (that was because of a thing called the Mind Flayer), which you had noticed, what happened with the veins under Hawkins, the Demodogs, what Steve Harrington did which resulted in him and children being best friends, which you also knew. In detail, Jim described what happened underneath the Lab and that Eleven went to see Terry Ives, her biological mother. In the middle of the story, you had to take a short break to think about everything and to have another cup of coffee.

You started crying when you finally got to know what even happened to Joyce's Bob. You didn't believe a thing Jim said, it was so surreal, but you finally got an explanation. It didn't mean that the explanation would make you satisfied, but it was a piece of information with which you could fill the blanks you had in your head. He was eaten by some fucking Demogorgons, whatever that thing was. You had an idea of how did the monster look - once, you played D&D with the kids and something like that was in the game.

And when the Russians came to play, you couldn't understand anything anymore. You were just sitting there, listening to Hopper talking about Starcourt mall being invested with Russians living in an underground base. At the same time, the Mind Flayer got Billy Hargrove, that son of a snake who was Max's brother. It was literally - Mind Flayer got him. Because of the beast, the boy was dead. Jim didn't know that Billy was dead, but then you told him with a terrified expression.

When Jim finished Billy's part of the story, he proceeded to tell you what happened to him. The events happened to both you had met at one point - the moment when Eleven got out of the mall. Each one of you was there - you were hugging El in front of the mall while Jim and Joyce were trying to blow up the massive generator under Starcourt. That was the moment he had presumably died. That was something which Dr. Owens had come up with since they didn't find a single clue that Hopper had died in the generator room. For Hopper to have some time to catch some breath, Owens had decided to pronounce Hopper dead for the time they were searching for him - he found himself being in Russia, working in a gulag. He told you about how he had got out and contented Owens again, Sam helping him back into Indiana so Hopper could start a search for you once again. And because he was in such mental and physical state when he came back, he was taking Tuinal again.

You were back to the square one. Hopper was taking drugs, he was a stranger and on top of that, he was lying to you for almost three years in a row, which was quite impressive. You were slowly getting fed up and mad when you realized that three years, basically thirty-six months, every time something unnatural happened, every time some monster appeared, he figured out some lie to tell you. He was wrapping you in a silver lining after silver lining, again and again. Which had blown you away.

It was almost midday when he had finished - you were preparing some lunch so Hopper would have to eat something. You were just cooking some meat with vegetables, while Hopper let you get your mind sorted.

"I think that the drugs made something to your brain, Jim." - You snorted all of a sudden. It was one of your typical, ironical snorts. You put the potatoes into the oven, put your elbows over your chest, and looked at him. - "Because a single word of what you've said... These are all illusions and hallucinations. If you plotted all of this the six months you were God knows where it's really impressive. Hands down to you, my dude, you got me in the first half."

Jim looked at you. You weren't even crying. But... You cried when he told you what happened to Bob, you believed him, right? If you wouldn't believe him, why would you cry?

"And bringing almost everyone into that, the kids, Joyce, Steve, Bob, Powell, and Callahan... Dear Lord, you even put it onto a precise timeline. You are sitting here, in front of me, looking me dead in the eyes, telling me... All of this, expecting me to believe. Oh, God, James Hopper. You have disappointed me." - You put your palms on your hips, turning away from him with a burst of unbelieving laughter.

"You don't believe me? Fine, let's visit Mike and ask him. Ask Harrington about it. Even that Henderson boy would tell you that this is the truth. Not enough? Fine, Imma take you to the Lab. I will show you everything. Imma ask Nancy Wheeler to give me the photos of Demogorgon." - Hopper stood up in front of you, having his faces just inches from yours. His face was deadly serious and for a second, you thought about if you had poked some sensitive spot or what did you even do. You thought he went mental in the last six months.

"I hadn't told you because the government would be after you and if somethin' happened to you or her... I mean... Anythin'... How would someone like me even come across losing his loved ones? Once again?" - He took your shoulder to his palms, making you look into his eyes.

"In New York, a special agent of a secret state organization named Gallup showed me, how easy is for someone to disappear in a manner of an afternoon. And I'm sure that he would make Diane and Sara disappear the same, just as he told me he would in case I wouldn't want to cooperate with them in the Card murders case." - Hopper shook your shoulders, making you furrow a little.

James wasn't aggressive at that moment, no, he was just making you listen. And not just to register information that was coming out of his mouth. He wanted you to listen to what he was saying with the tone of his voice. It was really important for you to understand. But he was shaking your body as if you were a rag doll.

"And I know that if I would tell you a single thing of what have I told you just now, they would make you disappear, maybe they would deport you into the Russian hell I was in, they would get rid of you just like that." - One of his fingers snapped, making you even more scared than before. Your heard was pounding loud and quick, you almost didn't hear a word he had told you.

Was he serious? Was some secret state services spying on you and him, on your home, even your family perhaps? You haven't noticed a thing. Nobody ever had followed you, your phone wasn't monitored, there weren't any weird guys or women in your neighborhood. Ever. But... Jim seemed kinda serious, which made you gasp for air.

"I couldn't do that because I love you. And trust me, Tuinal didn't cause any of the things I've just told you. I'm not shittin' you, I'm not sayin' weird shit, it's just how it is." - Jim slowly let go of you, letting you step away from him as you started to panic again, covering your mouth with your palm. It wasn't the usual panic attack, this was... You were horrified.

It was hard to believe since what he had told was straightaway King-novel fanfiction shit. Hardcore eighties sci-fi and horror at its best. But... What would you do if Hopper had a chance to prove each of his points? What would you do then?

A fucking creature from which crawled another dimension was getting your girl, who had telepathic abilities by the way, and her friends in danger. And your fiancé was there both times, trying to keep your world and family safe.

"Look at this from my point of view, Jim. This is... Wild. This is more than fucking wild. Even if it would be a work of your imagination, which would be kinda incredible when I think about your imagination, it still would be wild. But you told me that there is... Proof, right? You can show me, that what you said?" - You asked again, pushing him away from the stove to continue with cooking the lunch.

"It is slightly illegal and can be called a trespassin', but I can show you everythin'." - Jim nodded and lit up a cigarette, taking one out of the pack you had there. You knew that you'd have to open up the window since both your mom and your dad were non-smokers. They wouldn't be very glad if they'd somehow find out that you or James smoked inside.

"I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and I'm willing to go there... Whenever your damn Lab even is. But if it turns out to be all just one big lie, I swear to God, Jim. You're on thin fucking ice and if that ice breaks under you..." - You rose your eyebrows, looking out of the window. Jesus, you were torn apart into two halves - one wanted to believe him, you wanted to believe Jim so, so, so fucking bad. You were still in love with him, which was undeniable.

In the end, you lived together for... About two years? You couldn't even count it since Hopper was disappearing rather frequently and was gone... For sometimes a week, something three months, sometimes half a year. It was hard to establish how much time from those three years, two and a half years specifically, you had a normal relationship. Were you even in that phase? In the phase of having a normal relationship?

The other half inside of you was fucking sure that Jim had gone insane. Because using shit from D&D, tying up all the people you knew into the story, telling you that it always happened only when you weren't around... Jesus fucking Christ. You took in another deep breath and lit up a cigarette too, trying to keep your head straight. You were shaking. Your muscles were spasming and letting go at a pace so fast that your body was burning up.

After serving Jim the lunch, you both dressed up to be at least warm and able to move in the winter outside. Jim had taken your dad's splitters along with an old flashlight and put them on the backseat while he made you sit behind the steering wheel. You were a bit nervous, which was leveling up adequately with your inability to start the car.

"God fucking damn it, this dumb old car, I swear." - You mumbled under your breath when the engine didn't want to start working. Without further ado, Jim got off the car and opened up the hood, looking inside of it. He still had the same expression had when he was trying to start your car. Your car was a moody machine, especially in winter. Hopper breathed out a bit of fog on his fingers, trying to warm them up before he started to play with the cables.

"Kick it." - He looked at you with his eyebrows risen. You did as you were told and turned the engine key, making the engine yell loudly. You would be lost in the winter when it wouldn't be for Jim. Nobody except him and your dad had the skill to start that old crap. Jim sat back to you with a shit-eating grin, making you grin as well.

You were driving while he was telling you where to take a turn and where you should drive in the woods. Not too long after that, you were parking the car near an old facility which seemed to be empty and abandoned for quite some time. The snow was reaching up to your waist and thighs, so it was quite hard to even get in front of the Lab. The glass door were shattered, from squatters or someone like that you assumed, so getting wasn't too much trouble either.

That was when you saw it - blood on the ground and walls. That made you cover up your mouth and hope that you won't throw up.

"That's where Bob had died. Owens had to leave the place so quickly they barely packed everythin'." - Jim said behind you quietly in a mourning voice. That made you stand up. There was no body, but the tracks of blood, even if someone was trying to cover them up with paint, were still visible. - "You doin' good?" - His palm gently patted and then smoothed your back, making you a bit more comfortable. Tears were coming up to your eyes again when you watched the spot.

As you told, you didn't know Bob that well - you knew that man only from Jim's and Joyce's stories and from meeting him less than five times. But the man was a genuine good person. That was why you were so fucking moved by seeing the exact spot where he... Passed away. Or where he was eaten to death. Dear God.

When you nodded, Jim took you further into the facility. The windows were shattered so the ice-cold winter evening wind was howling through there, the walls were graffitied, but to your surprise, some of the lights were still working.

Documents marked as super-secret were scattered in the ground, even if most of the text was blacked with a marker. There was a lot of equipment left behind, medical and research tools just scattered around on the ground and in the empty rooms. Jim really meant what he told you; the government basically made Owens clear the building in two days - which was why there was all the stuff still here. Owens only packed the necessities, pushed them into three loaded military trucks and left the place as if nothing ever happened there. Or that was at least what Murray was telling.

It maybe was looking scary, but it still wasn't anything unusual. It was just the vibe of the place that was off. Until you tripped over something. Before you fell into the ground, Jim caught you, but your eyes widened in realization. You tripped over a pile of bones. Something had died and rotted there.

But it was too small to be an adult human bones. First, when you squated, took a paper from the ground to cover your fingers, you thought that maybe it could be bones of a child. But when you picked one up and looked at it closely, your breath hitched once again. Back in your day on highschool, you studied medicine and anatomy a lot, since you didn't know if you want to be a normal doctor or a psychologist when you grow up. You liked to have a back up plan and medicine was quite interesting as well. So you knew how human bones should look like; you once even saw some.

But that structure, shape, the color... Nothing seemed to be even close to how should human bones look like. First, you thought that maybe, it could be some animal bones of an nimal which was dragged there or tried to escape to safety - you would be sure since veterinary medicine wasn't really you thing.

Then you noticed it. It just hit your eyes - small spikes on the bones. You knew that birds had their bone structure practically full so they could fly... But an animal with spikes on their bones? No. Any known animal had spikes on its bones as far as you were informed.

"This... Jim..." - You gasped for air and put the bone back on the pile. Slowly, the things he told you about Bob, these Demogorgons and shit... It seemed to be more and more real with each passing second.

"We ain't endin' here." - Jim told you and led even further into the facility; specifically under it. You needed to take a few staircases which were quite long, but you were at least one or two levels under the surface of land. The door was locked with a chip reader, so Hopper just broke in after a few tries.

That was where the shit got wild. Some lights were working, some were just lighting up just to go dark in the next second, flickering and making the atmosphere darker and darker.

You were in something that could be called an observation station with a few machines. There was a monitor that was showing something when it was working, a lot of buttons and a microphone. A wheelchair was thrown on the ground just few feet away from you. The place was giving you chills.

On your left, something like a decontamination chamber could be seen, the automatic door now being opened and not powered by the electric circuit.

"Where are we, James?" - You asked in a whisper, being really unnerved at that second. Jim didn't respond, the only thing he did was that he walked further in.

So you followed him.

#jim hopper #jim hopper imagine #jim hopper x reader #james jim hopper #stranger things #stranger things hopper #stranger things netflix #jim hopper stranger things #eleven hopper #hawkins lab #hawkins #hawkins indiana #sriracha

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dareinfernum2 · 4 years

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･ﾟﾟ･｡ ( ester exposito, cis female, she/her ) — 𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 ALECTO CARROW, the NINTH year SLYTHERIN student ! i hear that the NINETEEN year old is known to be BEGUILING and AMBITIOUS and also very SADISTIC and DUPLICITOUS. however, if you ask me, the fact that they are a PUREBLOOD and leaning towards the side of the DEATH EATERS is a lot more telling.

disclaimer: names & details may change slightly but the end product remains the same so here we go. also the headcanons are all included from my application.

links.

biography.

statistics.

connections.

pinterest.

recap.

alecto was born and raised with the purpose to continue pure bloodlines. her childhood was filled with the finer things in life; galas, dinners and not to mention the never ending etiquette and dance lessons. she was taught to be attentive and intelligent enough, but not to show off.

it really hasn’t worked out for her parents the way they had planned. not because alecto doesn’t care about bloodlines. but, because she hates playing dumb for the benefit of someone else’s ego.

to top it off she thinks there are other ways, better ways, for her to ensure bloodlines in the wizarding community remain pure that don’t involve becoming a housewife and popping out children for a husband decided for her.

alecto has had a fascination with fire since she was eight years old and accidentally, somewhat on purpose, set her mother’s greenhouse on fire because she was told she was no longer allowed in there.

it extends further, and she wants to work with dragons.

personality wise alecto is pretty cold. she prefers solitude and her cat over rambunctious parties. but at the same time she is also very caring in a more gentle and intimate setting. she cares for a few and when she does her care goes deep.

she is unpredictable and chaotic, keen to set things on fire when distressed or upset about something, throwing things around and breaking whatever she can get her hands on when she falls into her fits of rage.

so while she seems calm and almost apathetic a lot of the time it is preferable to the opposite, because no matter what when alecto shows any feeling it is extreme.

alecto does not have the dark mark, yet, she is intrigued by it though and could very easily be convinced to get it now rather than wait longer.

connections.

just suggestions and highly wanted, all come from the connections page linked earlier in the post.

betrothal ;; her parents tried once before with a poor fellow from france. this time they've looked closer to home in hopes that alecto won't find a way to chase them off; they're betting on their own social circles to be enough to control her.

best friends ;; a partner in crime, the ying to the yang. the pair or more that are typically attached by the hip, consult each other, and couldn’t live without one another.

childhood friends ;; friends since the diaper days, could be a brother/sister or sister/sister type connection. may or may not still be friends.

frenemies ;; they’re nice to each others faces and act like friends but are constantly talking badly about each other.

friends with benefits ;; friends who hook up and either have or haven’t blurred the lines between the physical and emotional connection.

on again, off again ;; (ariana’s voice) make up, break up, total waste of time. this is basically a couple that you’d get whiplash from on whether or not they are together.

exes with lingering feelings ;; exes that broke up but still have feelings towards each other and can’t help but feel jealous/hurt seeing the other with someone else.

headcanons.

i. theodosia carrow - cat.

at sixteen years of age alecto walked through diagon alley a young woman on a mission. it was no mission most other people would not have found it as important as she did. but alecto carrow was about to buy her first cat, the first pet belonging to only her and not in any way any other family member. this wasn’t the owl bringing their mail she affectionately fed treats at the kitchen table only to get a light nip in return.

walking into the store alecto looked around at the cats, a small bengal kitten perking up at the sight of her, curious eyes staring into her own bringing a smile to her lips. after that there was no question about who was coming home with her, and moments later alecto carried the kitten in her arms as she made her way home.

alecto named the cat theodosia and since she came home with her they have barely been separated. the feline has chosen alecto over anyone else, often climbing up on her shoulders to wrap around her, purring softly in the crook of her neck as alecto reads in the common room. when alecto is distressed theo curls into her, meowing and pawing at the teenager to get her attention, refusing to stop fussing until she can feel alecto calm.

ii. herbology.

ever since she was a little girl life and death has intrigued alecto. she looks at the flowers blooming in spring before slowly decaying as the cold comes during the autumn months. when she was young she spent countless hours in the gardens around the carrow manor, she planted seeds of flowers and made sure they got attention, they got water and sunshine. alecto learned about life and death from plants, she learned how she had the power to keep them alive, but also how some of them had the power to take hers. she found beauty in all of it, and it’s been close to her heart ever since. even when she started school and it became about books and essays rather than lying in the gardens at the manor.

iii. fire.

if you play with fire you’ll get burned. alecto knows this, in part because she has literally played with fire and gotten herself burned more times than she can count on two hands before the age of thirteen. but, she understands it metaphorically as well. alecto understands that when people say fire they are referring to a chaotic event capable of ruining something good happening to people, something of your doing which can turn the world upside down.

alecto has always liked chaos. she has liked turning the world upside down. but more than anything she has liked fire. it’s been made obvious since she was eight and set her mother’s greenhouses on fire after the woman told her she was no longer allowed in them. in a fit of white hot fury alecto lost control of her magic and before she could react the buildings were in flames. instead of screaming alecto had smiled, she stood serenely watching the flames with a calm smile on her lips as if she was just watching a sunrise.

since then that’s the way it’s been, fire calms her. watching the flames dance and the smoke billow, watching how it can transform almost everything to ashes, she loves it.

iv. althea carrow - mother.

like any teenage girl alecto has had her fights with her mother. they have fought since she was a child. they have fought about alecto’s attitude, how she came home with ripped clothes and dirty elbows, how she didn’t speak to her elders with enough respect, how she didn’t speak to her peers with enough respect. then there was the potential fiancé from france, she definitely got in a fight with her mother about how she spoke to him. the fight they had after alecto scared him off is the angriest she has ever seen her mother.

but they love each other all the same. at least alecto knows she loves althea, at times she is unsure whether or not her mother actually returns the sentiment. it was her mother who introduced her to the art of herbology, her mother who taught her which fork to use at the dinner table, who reminded her of her posture, who protected her when she had a bad dream and checked for monsters inside her closet.

so yeah, over the years they have fought and when they do it is explosive. but alecto loves her mother. it is that love which has caused her to rebel so many times because, when alecto got older her mum stopped checking for monsters and stopped reading to her. the one thing that didn’t stop was pointing out her flaws so alecto makes sure her mother sees how flawed she is, that way she doesn’t loose her completely.

v. father - nicolas carrow.

when alecto was a little girl she had a tradition with her dad. while he was reading the newspaper she would sit underneath the table and once he had finished one section he would hand it to her, she would read it and fold it together before her gave her the next. it was their thing. she was his daughter and they read together every morning. until they didn’t.

alecto couldn’t understand when her dad suddenly appeared to stop caring about her. nicolas carrow didn’t look at her the way he once had, when she was six and came home with scraped knees crying he comforted her. when she was twelve he didn’t look her way beyond a disdainful glare. she was a disappointment and alecto could not even tell when it had changed, when she had started to do things all wrong in her father’s eye.

what she knows now is that she isn’t doing anything wrong. she is doing things her own way and her way isn’t compatible with the way her father wants for her. he wants her to marry, to have children, to carry on a pureblood legacy. alecto wants more than that and it’s not something her dad can come to terms with.

vi. amycus carrow - brother.

there is no one else in the world alecto thinks could ever really stand her the way amycus does. she knows she is a lot. she knows her mood swings from serene and smiling to hurricane like destruction is exhausting. she knows that her constant need to be right is annoying. she knows that it is too much when she tries to decide everything about everyone all the time. but those are things which makes alecto who she is and without her brother she knows she would be so much worse.

to alecto her brother is less of a sibling and more of an extension of herself. he knows her secrets and her flaws, he is her strengths and the sides of her that she actually likes. while alecto always wears her heart on her sleeve, she truly is terrible at hiding them, it is her brother who she actually opens her heart up to. amycus knows her and she loves him, throughout her entire life of protecting each other the only thing that has made sense is knowing they’re in it all together.

alecto looks at her brother and sees hope. she sees her ability to love and can be surprised that is even a possibility. she didn’t think she would be able to love someone like that. but, she looks at him and knows she is not a lost cause. she is not all destructive chaos, she is a person capable of opening up her heart if only to the right people and maybe someday that capability will let her fall in love as well. one thing alecto knows is if she ever does fall in love it will be because her brother taught her she is worth it.

vii. thestrals.

when alecto was thirteen years old she walked into the forbidden forest and stumbled upon a clearing. she had been upset. it was the anniversary of her grandmother’s death and she needed to get away from everyone, including her brother. so she ran, ran into the forest and hoped no one had seen her and was off to tell on her to one of the professors. they didn’t find her but she found the clearing and the winged, black, skeletal horse creatures standing there with understanding in their eyes.

her heart was captured the moment she saw them. alecto saw a beauty in their cold and harsh appearance. she saw the softness in how one of the younger ones bumped into her playfully with their head and kept doing so until she was laughing. they cheered her up and then hours later when she got back to the castle she went to the library and found out just what the creatures were - thestrals.

since that day the clearing in the forest is one of her safe spaces. when alecto needs a break she’ll go there, she’ll bring apples for the creatures and she will sit, watching them live their lives and it helps her ground herself in her own life.

viii. the future.

the future quite honestly terrifies alecto more than anything else in the world. her future has been decided for her since the day she was born. she is meant to learn how to dance and play the piano, and speak eloquently and stand up straight, know which fork to use at what point during a dinner, to take care of a home, to have children. she is meant to be the perfect wife. but since she was a little girl alecto has known that what she is meant to be and what she wants to be, have never been the same things.¨

alecto wants to go to mainland europe, or north america, she wants to work with dragons. she has read about the dragon sanctuaries, where they look after the creatures and rehabilitates them when they have been harmed by other witches and wizards. that’s what she wants to do. she wants to help these creatures that have been hurt and care for them.

#you'll understand why storms are named after people –〚 intro 〛#fd.intro

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