#ive had such horrible art block
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just my uh tragic roblox yaoi
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what if walter bob was in the other cell that blew up
#qsmp#qsmp fanart#qsmp pac#qsmp mike#ive got some horrible art block#but i HAD to draw them!!!!!!!#mmyashas art
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But I wanna leave, I just gotta leave
#michael afton#skeledraw#security#cw gore#cw body horror#fnaf#oh he angy#ive had horrible art block hi yall
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gamzee!
#ive had horrible art block lately#but at least i drew this so#gamzee#homestuck fanart#homestuck#i can't remember if he had the scratch on his face when he killed equius or not but whatever it's fine
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Happy New Year Everybody!!
I may have not been on this site for too long, but I’ve made acquaintances with so many people who share the same passion as me, and I’ve made so many amazing friends. I always look forward to seeing those who I admire’s awesome art everyday, and I hope that they continue to grow. I really look forward to meeting new people and making new friends this year. Thank you all for sticking with me, even through my art block lol.
With that being said, I wish you all, again, a Happy New Year!
See ya on the flip-side!
#my New Year’s resolution is to start back up in making art again#ive just had horrible art block recently#yeesh#anyways thanks for reading my little rant#IMELHT talks
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me like 2 weeks ago: omg i love drawing. i have 30 almost finished wips i just need to touch up and then im done. i finished 4 drawings in 1 day i am so cool and awesome hell yea brother
me now:
have horrible art block again
#srb#I JUST WANNA DRAW MY OCS#ive had such horrible art block for over a year now. occasionally it goes away and i can draw again but it's just always fucking there#i just wanna draw but i literally cant. and whenever i am in the mood im at work away from my computer
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If its ok, I wanna request a qiu x reader (step 2) where reader keeps doodling qiu subconciously and they end up dropping one of their doodles somewhere, and qiu finds it :0 sorry if this is formatted wrong, ive never requested something before aaa!!!!
♦ Qiu finds MC's drawing of them ♦
►tags and warnings: GN reader, Step 2
► words: 1696 words
► A/N: I AM ALIVE I SWEAR I promise I can still write more than just Shiloh brainrot!
► Masterlist
It wasn’t really on purpose.
MC was trapped in the clutches of a terrible art block. It had been weeks since they managed to draw something they were satisfied with, and the creative stagnation gnawed at them, leaving them restless. Then there was Qiu, sitting a few seats ahead, their messy hair carelessly tied into a crooked ponytail, soft features relaxed in quiet boredom. MC didn’t even realize they had started sketching Qiu until the drawing was done— their fingertips smudged with graphite as they blended the last of the rough shading into the pencil sketch.
It looked good. Far better than any of their recent, fruitless attempts at drawing. The creases on their baggy sweater and the small intricacies of their expression almost perfectly captured in their style.
Part of MC wanted to brag, to walk up to Qiu and show them the drawing as a triumphant declaration that their terrible, horrible art block was finally over. But as soon as Qiu’s gaze found theirs, those soft eyes blinking slowly, like a cat, and that small, smug smile appearing on their lips, far too pleased with having caught MC staring, MC knew they couldn’t give Qiu any more reason to tease them.
It’s bound to be just a one-time thing, anyway.
…
It wasn’t a one-time thing.
Drawing Qiu became muscle memory, in the same way that drawing hearts or five-point stars, the kind with lines in the middle, became after an eternity of doodling them on the edges of notebooks.
There was just something easy about it.
MC knew their neighbour so well that they didn’t even need a reference to capture the nuances of Qiu’s smile—the way the right side of their lips lifted just a touch higher than the left, the arch of their brows, or the slight widening of their eyes when surprised. It was effortless.
It becomes a warm-up exercise before the artist’s other drawings and a quick way to break the slump off art blocks, or even something mindless MC does in the middle of a particularly dull classes both share— they do suspect Qiu knew about those but never bothered them with requests to see the drawings, leaving MC to their quiet obsession.
What was embarrassing was how often they’d find themselves obsessing over the perfect way to angle their wrists to capture the sharp swoop of Qiu’s dark bangs to imply just the right amount of movement, or the fact that they filled so many pages of their sketchbook with studies of Qiu during ballet class that they had to replace it with a fresh one.
Their anatomy skills had improved dramatically in the meantime. But was it worth it, trading artistic growth for Qiu’s obvious disappointment when MC stopped letting them flip through their sketchbook? Or having to learn to draw things quickly and discreetly?
“You dropped a page.” MC says, flatly. Qiu is rummaging though their gym bag in search of their earphones, notepad hanging precariously in their coat pocket. “Again.”
By this point, Qiu had long given up on retrieving whatever papers they lost, but MC still informed them out of habit anyway. Despite their disinterest, Qiu’s eyes scanned the floor—until they paused, bending down to pick the page up.
The action immediately catches MC’s attention. It would usually take a lot of insistence for Qiu to bother, if they did at all.
"Started caring about the environment again?"
MC teased. Qiu just snickered, unfolding the page with a widening smile. A smile that grew into something MC could only describe as pure, unbridled glee. That’s when MC noticed the paper wasn’t the usual color, weight, or size. It was larger, thinner, and undeniably from MC’s sketchbook.
“I was wondering when you’d let me see these drawings,” Qiu said, turning the page to reveal one of MC’s most recent sketches—a detailed study of Qiu, brows furrowed in concentration as they scribbled in their notepad, done only a few hours ago, just before lunchtime. There were also smaller drawings on the margins done in a more simplified style, all of Qiu. "When did I become your muse?”
MC’s breath caught in their throat as Qiu held up the sketch, a wave of embarrassment hitting them so hard they felt they could drown in it. Their little habit was a badly-kept secret, but it doesn’t mean that MC was looking forward to being found out.
Regardless, the question hung in the air, and MC knew that there was no universe in which Qiu would let it go without satisfying answers
Each second MC passed without answering only made Qiu’s grin grow further, their warm brown eyes flickering between the sketch and the artist responsible for creating it, a glint of mischief dancing in them.
“You know,” they continued, voice light and playful, “if you wanted me to model for you, all you had to do was ask.”
“No! I wasn’t— It’s not like that!”
MC could feel the heat crawling up the back of their neck as they stammard, mind racing as they frantically searched for an excuse that would be any less mortifying than the truth.
Qiu’s smile softened, feeling bad for their friend’s embarrassment, even if they were having fun with their flustered reaction. Despite how much their personality had changed throughout the years, that was a small aspect Qiu would never be able to grow out of— despite their incessant teasing, they deeply cared for their neighbour, and didn’t like taking things too far for the sake of their comfort.
“Is that so?” they asked, the teasing edge in their voice giving way to something a little softer. "Because it seems like you’ve been drawing me a lot."
MC felt the weight of their own silence, the silent, embarrassing admission that came with it.
Drawing Qiu had become a part of their routine. A habit, an easy way to keep up with their goal of drawing every day.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” MC finally said, pushing through their mortification to grant Qiu their answer. They glanced down at their hands, fingers still smudged with graphite, as if the evidence of their fixation was written all over them, taunting them. “I just… you were easy to draw. You’re always around, and I—” They paused. I can’t stop thinking about you. The words linger, right on the tip of their tongue. “I guess it just… happened.”
The playful gleam in Qiu’s eyes is replaced by something tender, a warmth they knew all too well.
“You know,” Qiu said slowly, carefully, as if trying not to spook them “I don’t mind being your muse.”
MC blinked, caught off guard by Qiu’s sincerity. They looked up, meeting Qiu’s gaze fully, and for the first time in a long time, there was no playfulness or carefully feigned disinterest in their eyes. Just warmth.
“You don’t—” MC began, stammering, struggling to find the right words, “you don’t think it’s… weird?”
“Why would it be weird? You’re an artist. Artists need inspiration, right?” Qiu glanced down at the sketch again, running a finger gently over the paper, careful not to smudge it. “And I’m honored. I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s inspiration before. Much less to my favorite artist”
Somehow, MC doubts that. Judging by Qiu’s popularity in town, having been the crush of at least half of Golden Grove’s kids within their age group, they have absolutely zero doubts that Qiu has been the source of many ‘a angsty poem scribbled in someone’s diary.
Regardless, they felt their chest tighten at Qiu’s words, eyes widening as their mind replays the dancer’s words, over and over. They were Qiu’s favorite artist? Qiu didn’t mind being drawn?
That fills them with much needed relief, the tension from their body slowly dissipating.
“I’m not sure how much of an inspiration you really are,”
MC muttered, trying to deflect some of the intensity of the moment with humor, but the warmth in their voice betrayed them.
“Oh, come on. I’ve clearly been *very* inspirational.” Qiu gestured at the sketch in their hand, then raised a brow. “How many of these are there, anyway? Ten?”
“…More.”
“More? Seriously?”
MC couldn’t help but smile now, the absurdity of it all catching up with them as they shake their head, disappointed at themselves.
“Uh, like, a lot of my last sketchbook? It’s just… you’re always around, and you’ve got this…” They gestured vaguely at Qiu, trying to find the right words. “This vibe. You’re fun to draw.”
Qiu raised an eyebrow, leaning in, invading their personal space enough that they could smell the subtle scent of cinnamon from their shampoo, voice dropping to a playful murmur.
“Easy, huh? So you *have* been staring at me a lot.”
MC rolled their eyes, shoving Qiu lightly, but there was no malice in it. It’s true, as much as they hated to admit it, they had observed the dancer so much as to be able to draw them from memory.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,”
But Qiu just smiled, softer again.
“I’m flattered,” they said, their voice gentle. “Really.”
MC didn’t know what to say to that. There was a lump in their throat, an unspoken understanding passing between them that felt both overwhelming and comforting. They had known each other for years by that point, after all, but In that moment, something shifted. The awkwardness, the teasing, even the embarrassment—it all melted away like snow in spring time, leaving behind only the quiet connection between them. Their unbreakable bond. It was comfortable in the way few things are.
Qiu handed the sketch back to MC, their fingers brushing for just a second felt almost electrifying. Has it always felt like this?
“Keep drawing me,” they said, voice quiet but resolute. “If it helps you, keep doing it. No need to hide it.”
When their eyes meet again, and they can sense Qiu’s sincerity, their heart races once more. They accept the drawing, storing it safely inside their sketchbook before they continue on their way home.
Maybe they didn’t have the words for everything they felt just yet, but right now, this moment was enough.
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Yo! Do you have any notes/tips for your coloring process? I've always had trouble with that part of drawings looking good lmao and I really like yours! If not for your specific style, do you have any tips with that in general?
Iv gotten a few asks about how I color but iv always avoided answering because
A) I am absolutely awful at explaining things, and
B) I am a very Very lazy artist you should probably Not do the things that I do
BUT i feel bad gatekeeping(?) my horrible technique if it helps anybody ig ill try and explain so
✨✨✨Welcome to Reegis’ Probably Not Reputable (But Very Long Winded) Art Advice✨✨✨✨
line art of a random character for the example, just pic whatever colors you have in mind for your base colors, you can try using palette generators or basing it off of existing palettes/characters/whatever I have absolutely no idea how color theory works (& this is why you shouldnt listen to me) so im solely going off of vibes. but it is Rough so onto step 2 & 3
(edit to add i usually start off with the skin hair & clothes on separate clipping layers and merge them together towards the end.. i think i forgot to say that at all here oops)
I abuse the hellll out of layer blending modes. overlay, saturation & multiply mainly, but also difference, brightness & screen. (just doodle something & try all of em out to get a feel for them honestly ik theres a Lot and they can be intimidating) for this i just wanted a more cohesive warmer tone to start with so i added a peachy overlay & a slight ombré to the hair to add a bit more interest to the character.
then just the most basic of rendering, some blush & highlights just wherever i think theyd go.
Another thing they tell you Not to do, my next step is to block out all my shading in a vaguely purpleish multiply layer!!! i cant be assed to do it any other way im sorry…. once i have the basic shading down, i lock the layer & go in with air brush eraser & also airbrush in other colors wherever I think the purple is maybe too harsh/clashing
still wasnt 100% happy with the colors so messed around with some more layer filter/modes/whatever you call them then colored in my line art! i think this is honestly the saving grace for all of my art shshsdhhf color your lines people. doesnt have to be all (i dont, i like the contrast) but it usually helps to make some at least a little less harsh
then with a little more color tweaking im done! one random sleepy dude, fully colored (by my standards)
and then if a piece needs more dramatic lighting you justttt
im so serious play around with layer settings! these are just basic multiply & add(glow), there as so many others you can abuse the shit out of & nobody will know or care in your finished piece.
was this?? in any way helpful???? I hope so.
#THIS IS A BELATED ANSWER FOR ALL OF U MY B#scrolled back to find the earliest one i could bc i mean… you asked first#if this was in Any way helpful…. im glad#and also sorry. probably dont do these things#hmu if youd like me to clarify anything ill… do my best#asks#my art
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i ate a lil something
so after i threw up i didnt eat for a couple hours because the nausea was too much and i was still freaked out, but i ended up eating a small bag of graham crackers (90 cal) and i already feel horrible about breaking my fast,,,,
nothing else for the rest of the day, im gonna try to hold myself to that as much as i possibly can. if i can go a full day without eating anything, i know i can not eat the rest of the day.
on a side note, what should i do to get my mind off it? thinking about reading or maybe drawing something. ive had major art block for months now though so idk what id draw if not just a vent post
#ed but not ed sheeran#tw ed ana#disordered eating cw#disordered eating mention#eating disoder trigger warning#sh things#tw ana rant#anadiet#tw ana bløg#personal vent#an4r3xia#an4rexia#light as a feather#tw skipping meals#too f4t#tw self destruction#tw eating issues#th1n$pø#th1gh g@p#th!nsp0#thinspø#i just want to be thin#th!n$p0#thoughts#starv3#st4rv3#starv1ng#im starvin#st4rv1ng#st4rve me
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How would you suggest to learn art? I currently am only able to draw heads not very well but I try and I'm very inspired by your art, do you have any suggestions or tips?
look at ur favs and try to draw like them! when i wanted to start taking art more seriously i was copying frames off cuphead and the sonic mania intro by eye and eventually i made some art friends who i wanted to draw JUST like. and i basically tried to adopt the artstyles that inspired me during whatever era of my life at the time but naturally my own swag shined through and after many years and inspo from so many different things, i draw the way i do now, and am still striving to get better! so what im saying is legit to just look at ur favorite artists and try to do what theyre doing, study ppls styles copy art by eye for practice, try to push yourself to try new stuff. pushing yourself sucks a lot because it can be quite a demotivator when you try to do something cool but you dont see what you quite hoped but thats experience!
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wear ur inspirations on ur sleeve! some of my fav artists that have inspired me a lot in the past 2 years are bobobazarra, marcoggers on twitter, vintdoo, dakidavekat, evilsk8r, deppa, mettaflix. and those are only just a few! i could literally go on naming people for hours. dont be afraid to proudly shout abt what or who who inspires ur stuff!
when it comes to hard practice and studies, if youre willing to get into certain techniques u can try looking into ways to break down the body, like boxing out stuff like the torso and pelvis and stuff like that to use as construction. to me when the mood would strike me when i was starting out, doing figure studies and copying poses i found on google was smth id do for like 30 mins to an hour, even if they were terrible it was just fun to draw them and move on to the next. and it was experience! even if it didnt feel like it at the time. like, doing something like copying a buncha hands for fun creates a mental library for ur brain to pick from to help make whatever unique hand youre trying to make for your art. its all experience! so do it when you feel up to it!
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and overall just try to have fun, if you find yourself frustrated enough to feel hopeless about art then just try to take a step back and come back later or draw whatever makes you happy. but when youre able to take on challenge and pushing yourself always try to, and try to have fun and keep in mind that what youre doing is gonna shoot your stuff to the stars and that u just gotta keep going. and get pinterest! that shit helps out a fuckton both with creative inspiration and art studies and practicing and tips.
------------------------------------------ also keep in mind everything ive said here is just my personal experience and whats worked for me. everybody works differently with art. something that changed my perspective a lot was meeting one of my favorite artists last year, and asking for advice because i was going through horrible art block and self worth issues. i was going crazy copying peoples art in my sketchbooks trying to figure out what others understood that it felt i couldnt, trying to figure out what was missing. i was super desperate for improvement and it felt like i was improving so slowly compared to others with the same amount of years spent drawing as
i. so when i asked this artist what they did to study stuff, they told me they barely even did studies on anatomy and whatever. which was crazy to me because it felt like they had such a grasp on that kinda thing and stylized it so well. that didnt make me stop studying though but it made me worry about everything way less, because it made me realize you just gotta do what you feel is right and what you feel is truly pushing you, but most importantly have fun doing it. it made me realize art wasnt this rigid ass process where i was breaking rules or not eating enough art veggies. so with that, i accepted myself and i moved forward continuing to push myself but not worrying as much about improvement right away, just have fun and do studies and shit as i went when i wanted to, and give myself a little push to strive for stuff just a bit crazier than what i felt i was capable of.
everyone is different, theres some artists that start from the feet up or start drawing a body from the shoulder its crazy. but its not because its objectively better to do that, its just how they draw. some artists do full sketch constructions for bodies, some artists do everything from eye. im sure theres some that switched from doing everything from eye to wanting to do construction for bodies and stuff, and vice versa. they did what worked for them, but what makes ppl rly improve is simply that they have fun in the process and strive to push themselves, thats the most important thing, or at least thats my perspective on it at this current point in my life.
so do what you feel is right, have fun, try different techniques out, try different stuff that you feel will help you, keep being inspired.
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best of luck to u, sorry for yapping kinda a lot and thank u a ton for the kind words!
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wgat is parkour civilization and how / should i get into it. im curious w all your reblogs
its so fucking horrible i hate minecraft yaoi i keep being drawn to it for as long as i live, ive loved minecraft so long and people comtinually use minecraft to make stories and its amazing how people can make such intricate stories with just blocks. and then other people make amazing art of those blocks. so impressive but i need to get over fearing being cringe
sorry for that ramble its just a video on youtube basically. guy has been making videos of a world where parkour is like currency. they were compiled into a movie. its pretty easy to tell when the cuts/recaps happen from when it was serialized
if you ever want other minecraft stuff with good stories... check out life series or empires PLEASWS i mainly watch lizzie, scott, and grian.
oh and tbh i didnt know abt parciv until recently cus i just randomly started seeing stuff and didnt know anything, then my irl was like its unironically good, then i saw tumblr posts saying it was like an allegory for capitalism, then even kwite and ludwig talked about it. so i decided when i had enough time id watch it and here i am. its not great but the vine booms are so funny. evbo is just a silly lil guy. so much deus ex machina main character plot armour but its fun so.
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hi i’m sorry for the lack of posts ive had horrible art block but here’s me as a horse i promise i’ll draw again ( ; ; )
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Twenty Questions for Fic Writers
Thank you so much dear @nocompromise-noregrets 🤗
1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 45
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?
2,842,840
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Tolkien. The Silmarillion.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Fragments of Fate and Fire (This one, I don’t tend to count, as it’s mostly art. It’s much easier to look at an image than devote time to reading).
Dark Prince,
Magnificat of the Damned Book III: Fire.
A Far, Fierce Sky
Magnificat of the Damned Book II: Resurrection.
5. Do you respond to comments?
Of course. 😊 (I am grateful for them).
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Magnificat of the Damned Book IV: Anvil.
And I got some incredible comments on the last chapter that I still cherish. (It was not the end, but it was the end of that series).
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I don’t believe in endings. Stories always continue and mine are mostly part of an ongoing series. But I have written a couple of one-shots and Requital did have a much more positive ending.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Never have, no. Or if I have it must have been mild and I’ve forgotten. But then I moderate my fics on AO3 and people usually can't be arsed to type a raging comment that won’t get published. Also I’m just not read that much. I write a lot of OC’s and people tend to scroll past, I’m sure. (I never had negative comments on LOTRFF.com or Faerie, either, and one couldn’t moderate, but again, I think it was because that kind of person just didn’t bother with them and the atmosphere was more polite on those archives).
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Sometimes. M/M. These days, it’s when it comes up, which is not so often. I find (after a particularly horrible fandom experience) that it’s like salt: you don’t need to pour it over everything. Anyhow, I’m interested in stories which have everything in them, not just sex.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
No.
11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I wrote Dark Prince and Dark Lands with Annwyn (back in 06/07) who I’m still in contact with but is no longer in fandom. She was lovely to write with.
13. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Fëanor/Fingolfin.
14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I want to finish A Far, Fierce Sky. I was writing that in tandem with one of the Magnificat stories and as A Light in the East and A Far, Fierce Sky, it’s sequel, were AU’s to my main arc, I had to drop one of them when I became self-employed.
I no longer have the time to write very much so I hope to survive long enough to retire and be able to do much more 🥺
15. What are your writing strengths?
Probably perseverance. I can hack through blocks and I completely ignore fandom fads so I can concentrate on my writing without dashing after the next hot take. If I get an idea I’ll follow it through.
16. What are your writing weaknesses?
Take your pick! 🤪
17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
If used sparingly it can be effective.
18. First fandom you wrote for?
Tolkien. I’m monofandom.
19. Favourite fic you’ve written?
I think of fics in terms of how I felt when I was writing them, and if I was in the ‘zone’ so it is a tie between Dark Prince and Summerland. Tagging @cycas @ettelene @nuredhel @naryaflame @pinksiamese @crowandmoonwriting @jane-ways @antares0606 @independence1776 @lucifers-cuvette @minquelie @grundyscribbling @thenookienostradamus @swanfloatieknight @geneeste @auntieaugury @blue-istari-stars-of-the-south @feedthefandomfest and really anyone who sees this and would like to do it.
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should i post some of my doodles ive made? ive had a horrible art block since like september so i dont have anything cool and well rendered but i do have some scribbles and doodles of ocs mostly
sorry also ive just been feeling really bad about my art lately which kinda sucks but im getting over it.
#ive also felt bad about posting ocs because contrary to popular belief peoples unnecessary and mean comments do get to artists!#and it will make people feel bad :) lol :)#also also. i know my art is good thats not why i feel bad. i feel bad bc my art block makes it hard to draw what i want#and i KNOW i can do better so when o try stuff and it doesnt work out the way i want im like :/ whered my spark go#its just lacking its corpse swag it usually has thats all
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hey i saw that you had to turn off anons because of some horrible messages so i wanted to send a good one to make up for it. your art's been a big inspiration to me lately, I love your attention to detail.
try not to listen to people that think that everyone is secretly horrible and nihilistic and whatever, it's not true. very few people want to put energy into pretending to like people, it's not worth it. people follow you because they like your art or whatever reason they followed you and they find you cool.
ive been trying to send more asks lately because its a good way to build community :>
Thank you! I am a little tired after yesterday to be honest, but I'm glad to find sweet messages like this. And it's true, nobody is forced to put up with me if they don't want to, mostly when I made it abundantly clear that I'm happy with people unfollowing/blocking me and that I will think nothing of it. Thank you so much.
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new-ish to the blog (been here about a month....,,) and i wanted to finally get this off my chest bc it was killing me. i'm queer as hell now but BACK THEN when i was 11-13 i was a cis boy who just liked reading comics and doing a jump everyday in hopes of becoming the tallest jumper in the world. and at the time i found out about happy tree friends and got into it very fast, both bc the gore and extremity was edgy and cool to me and because i genuinely liked the characters. i developed a crush on flippy, because, who didnt, and finding out a LOT of htf fans felt the same made me happy at first. but it became really clear nearly all the people who crushed and fangirled over him were girls irl and i felt like a weirdo about it because i was a BOY and i had a crush on flippy who was ALSO a boy. BUT seeing those same people ship flippy with other boy-characters in the show gave me massive mixed messages, because everyone seemed to love it when it was in-show only and i hadnt EVER met another boy online who had a crush on flippy so i wondered if it just wasnt allowed when it was outside of that, even though i wanted to express it with everyone else so bad. i couldnt go to my irl friends bc none of them were into htf and i was worried theyd think i was weird anyway. so my solution to keep crushing on flippy while still being normal to everyone else was making a htf oc that was quite literally a self-insert of myself, all the way down to the comics i liked irl, and shipped him with flippy. but i never told anyone it was my self-insert and just said it was an oc very unrelated to me and i wanted to keep it that way. i made horrible art of us and wrote equally horrible fanfic of this "oc" and flippy, bc i thought it was a genius solution to expressing my adoration for flippy whilst keeping the handful of followers and online friends i had satisfied bc it was boy x boy stuff. i never wrote/drew raunchy stuff about them bc as far as i can remember it was just shit like going on a date with flippy at the library or having picnics with him etc etc. but once i shared a recent fic with one of my online friends about them and at some point they went "you wrote it like an x reader so i thought it was self insert lol" and i was genuinely in shambles. i thought they were accusing me of having a crush on flippy myself and they were about to expose me or something (they didnt even know i was a boy irl so i dont know??) so i defensively told them it wasnt a self insert and i wasnt attracted to flippy in the slightest. but i was really rude about it and they replied saying they never said that, they never accused me of having a crush on flippy or anything like that and it was just a mistake. i dont remember the entirety of our messages but i remember getting so butthurt and angry i kept telling them to fuck off and that it wasnt a mistake on their end and they HAD to be accusing me of actually liking flippy. i blocked them and i cried so hard into my pillow i could barely breathe and i considered running away from home that day bc i was convinced that person was gonna tell everyone i liked flippy even though i was a boy and somehow get to my irl friends and family and i would be considered a freak for it forever. i stopped posting my art and fics of that "oc" and flippy after that and i didnt know how to delete my account at the time (it was on deviantart) so i just logged out and never touched it again. ive been thinking about it recently now as an adult and i forgot the password to that account so everything is still up and there hasnt been a new comment since 7 years ago but it keeps me up at night thinking about the person i cussed out and all the published stuff
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