#ive gotten so so so bad at being a person who can interact with strangers and make friends

[gorps]

Okay hi I've been wanting to be friends with a few of u on here but I'm going to be extremely not normal for a while (major life event (negative) + having to move back to california (negative again)). Apologies in advance and feel free to kill me with a rock if you'd like

[merryhelps]

                  plotting etiquette : a players guide

                                            [ coming soon / an admins guide ] 

plotting is an essential part to writing together; whether you’re in a group, an indie blog or even a 1x1, you need to be able to communicate with your peers in order to build a story. and that’s why we’re all here, right? to create worlds, no matter what the context, and most importantly, to do this with others. roleplaying is a team effort - no matter what universe you’re writing in.  below the cut are some helpful tips, tricks and advice to remember when attempting to plot with others. if you’ve found this guide useful, please like and/or reblog to spread the word - and hopefully help out others along the way.                               ***a part two will be out next week for admins on how to promote and help your group with plotting. 

                             i. ‘i’m scared of bothering people!’

this is a statement i’ve seen the most often around the rpc - whether it’s from a various text post people reblog, or as an admin who’s been on the receiving end of messages like this. 

it’s important to remember that most of us get a little nervous about reaching out. while writing original pieces or fanfiction can give you some distance between the creating portion and the feedback process, there’s no real space for roleplaying. it’s an instantaneous thing - we put our words out there on the screen, and someone else has to reply to that in some capacity.

whether you’re an extrovert, an introvert or something in between, this can often be the beginning of the end for a lot of roleplayers. maybe  you’ve joined an established group, and it seems like everyone has set dynamics and you don’t want to shake things up. or maybe you’re an indie blog, but you’re too scared to talk to someone you’ve idolized and want to write with. 

the thing is, you can’t expect people to know what you want if you can’t verbalize it yourself. let them know you’re a little nervous ! chances are, they are too. we’re all on this platform trying to do the same thing, and everyone gets nervous about exposing themselves to strangers now and again. ultimately, we put a little piece of ourselves in every character we create, and that can be terrifying to show to people and expect them to accept. but a little effort goes a long way - making the first move can often help build a bridge to someone you might not have otherwise gotten the chance to write with.  you’re going to have to take a risk sometimes. while not everyone is going to be receptive, most people will be. and chances are, if you start with something as simple as “hi, i’d love the chance to write / plot with you,” you’ll be met with an extraordinarily excited new partner. understand that if they don’t, it’s not a bad thing ! some writing styles don’t mesh together, some people have a harder time talking freely than others, and so many of us regularly forget to reply to a message. know that if you’ve put yourself out there, that’s a huge step in the right direction, no matter what comes of it, and next time it’ll be even easier. 

                            ii. come prepared.

this is ultimately where a lot of players fall short. it’s one thing to say ‘let’s plot’, and another thing to do it altogether. you need to have some sort of jumping off point. 

some ideas include: 

a prompt / plot idea. 

this is especially important if it’s a new person you’re trying to interact with. it’s difficult to come up with things on the spot, and if you’re reaching out, you need to have something to reach out with. 

in a group you’ll want to take the time to read their biography / about / wanted connections if they have them listed. it’s a quick way to ensure you have a basis of what they want, and how you and your characters can then fill those needs. 

as an indie / 1x1 see if they have any ‘wanted plots’ or ‘prompts’ tags. check out their ask memes tags. ensure you’ve read their guidelines on both of these, and follow them. while most people have similar rules, you can’t know that for sure unless you’ve read through them. 

questions about their character(s).

everyone adores talking about their own characters - give them an opportunity to let them tell you about theirs! even if they’re playing a canon character, they’ll have their own take on them, with headcanons and quirks and hobbies that might not show up in the specific canon the character comes from. 

use ask memes if you need help coming up with questions - ask memes are extraordinarily helpful when it comes to fleshing out muses for developmental purposes as it is, and while they’re usually made for general tumblr interaction, they can be a great jumping off point for talking specifics. 

don’t be afraid to point out things in their bio / about / etc. this shows that you’ve gone through and read their pages, which shows that you care about them as a person and a character, and not merely another faceclaim. 

talk about your character(s).

it’s always good, especially in a group, to have a small statement of facts about your character. in business, this is called an ‘elevator pitch’ - a few concise sentences that can get someone else interested.

for example, merrick wood is a former cheerleader who would do absolutely anything for her sister, holly, has no real ambitions and loves the weird and supernatural. you can find her swimming, or listening to mix cd’s she makes for her own amusement, or even on the hunt for big foot. this now gives the other player a few things to pick through - what kind of music is she listening to? why is her sister so important to her? is cheerleading still important enough for her to mention it to someone?

                           iii. plotting is a two way street.

the above two points work on the basis that you’ve made the first move - but say you’re the one who’s gotten the message of someone eager to plot with you ! takes a little stress off of your plate, but adds to their own. no matter what, remember that there is a real person on the other side of the screen. be kind, and treat them how you’d want to be treated - even if you’re not interested in writing with them, let them know ! a simple thanks for the message! i’m honored you’re interested in my characters, but at the moment i don’t think we’d be a good fit is enough of a response that most people should leave it at that. if you get a message saying they’re not interested, simply say ‘thank you for replying!’ and move on. as stated above, not everyone will always click - respect people’s boundaries, and understand that you’ll find a new partner in due time. 

responding to plotting messages is as important as creating them; if someone says they want to plot and gives you ideas, play off of them. don’t simply say ‘okay!’ or ‘cool!’ - a habit a lot of people have had over the years. 

                example. if jenny says “i think it would be great if robert could surprise them with flowers,” reply wth “oh how cute!!!” and end there - expand on it, adding your own input - “that’s so cute! denise adores lilacs, and would be flustered to get them from someone she admires so much!”                     the latter sentence gives your partner something to respond to, something to work with, and may just end up being in the thread you write together! 

                          iv. don’t make your admins do all the work.

this section is primarily for group roleplayers. 

your admin(s) already do so much. behind the scenes, there’s constantly updating the main pages, queueing ads, coming up with tasks and events and plot drops to keep players entertained and happy. at the same time, they’re trying to play in the group with you - create their own stories, write their own characters. they should not have to spoon feed you plots. these are things you need to develop on your own and with fellow players. 

               example. in a town rp, and you have a social butterfly character ? throw a birthday party for a character, giving the other characters something to participate in without an official Admin Sponsored Event.                    you should of course ensure the admin is okay with you having ‘events’ like the above for various players, and you need to ensure you’re inclusive in them - don’t ‘throw a party’ and not invite half the group because you don’t want to plot with them. take the time to message players of characters who might not normally show up and figure out something else with them, or a reason why they would be there or even why they wouldn’t! 

                         v. stop bubbling.

at the end of the day, plotting together is the best way to stop bubbling from happening in your group. no one wants to be the player left out of everything - make sure to try and reach out to the others, especially if you think other players may be ignoring them. writing together - in a group, on an indie, anywhere really - is supposed to be fun and challenging and a different experience every time.  before you go to your admins about being left out / ignored, ask yourself if you’ve done the above. have you messaged other players ? asked them about their characters, and given ideas of potential prompts for the two of you to write ? if you have, and you’re still getting ignored, then absolutely talk to your admin team! but try and be proactive instead of reactive and you’d be amazed at how far you can go. 

                                    hopefully this guide will help you - remember, your roleplay experience is ultimately cultivated by yourself. you choose which groups to apply to, which characters to bring, and your attitudes and behaviors can affect your gameplay. being in a group, specifically, is about being a part of a team. become a team player, and you and your characters can find the roleplay family of your dreams  ♡

[yolkyeomie]

Ice Fairies | Hwang Hyunjin

summary — figure skaters are like ice fairies to you, and hyunjin is the prettiest fairy you’ve ever seen

word count — 2.7k words

pairing — hyunjin x gender neutral!reader

genre — figure skater!hyunjin, fluff, mc kinda pines after hyunjin but doesn’t rlly realize it

disclaimer — I actually know nothing about ice skating and ive been writing this since the moment I woke up so if it’s bad + inaccurate I’m so sorry

You had always enjoyed watching figure skaters be in their natural element, it was something about the way they skid across the ice that made you think that there was just something a little… inhuman about them.

If you were to describe what you believe they were, you say they were like fairies. The way figure skaters glittered in the reflection of the ice and the way they glided as if they had wings sprouting it from their back to fly was enough for you to think they were. But that was only from what you had seen on television. You had never seen a figure skater in person because it was wildly out of your own element to do so. And then a few months ago happened.

One day a stranger strolled into your town. It wasn’t an unlikely sight, your town was a frequent resting place for travelers. But the thing about the stranger is that when they strolled into town they didn’t feel like a stranger. In fact, they felt like they belonged. That’s something I’ve been missing in your town and the stranger had suddenly filled up the gaping hole you didn’t know needed to be filled. You thought you were just being delusional, there is no way such a strange person could make you feel this way? A person you’ve never seen in your life?

But then on a very chilly, very quiet winter day you decided to take a walk to your job. You don’t know what inclined you to do so, the weather was close to being unbearable and the ice and snow were thick on the ground from the snow storm before. But you did anyways as if you were challenging mother nature to try and stop you.

When you walk to your unbearable nine to five, there is a big lake that’s usually within your sights then. Because of the conditions beforehand it had turned into this icy winter wonderland, where the water was frozen solid and hard enough for people to walk across. It wasn’t unusual to see parents taking their bundle of children to go skating across it for fun family bonding, or see teenagers push each other towards the slick frozen over waters, so you paid no mind to it at first. But on your walk you saw something... different.

There was the stranger rhythmically moving his feet left and right, his jet black ice skates kicking up little chips and the frozen lake. He wasn’t wearing much to protect himself from the cold: just a throw on jacket and what looked to be sort of loose fitting pants. And don’t forget the low ponytail he wore his blonde hair in, the most recognizable of his lazy attire.

Why you thought he was going to freeze to death out on the lake at first.

Your brain had started functioning on its own, making decisions you weren’t fully comprehending when they happened. Before you know it, instead of being on your path to your boring nine to five, you were sliding down the side of the hill, careful not to let the snow trip you up, and calling out to him to make sure he was okay. When you had finally made it to the edge of the lake, your feet threatening to tip over and slide across its slick surface, he took notice of you. And then he jumped.

Looking back on it now, it was such a simple thing to do. But it left you in complete awe nonetheless.

Your eyes widened in pure disbelief as you watched him go from gliding with careful foot steps backwards to kicking one foot off the ground and forcefully raising the rest of his body into the air. For a moment you thought he was hovering in time, as if that one movement had stopped the flow of gravity just for him to levitate off the ice for a moment. And then in a slow motion-esqe manner you watched as he spun once in the air and then came back down landing perfectly on the same foot he started with.

A single axel, you recognized. One of the first things a figure skater learns when indulging in the sport. It looks so simple when you look at it from an outside eye but somehow it was enough to plunge you down into a world of wonder that you don’t even know you wanted to be in.

From that interaction, that's how you came to know wild and eccentric, Hwang Hyunjin. The new rising star and fan favorite within the figure skating world, and the owner of several gold medals that newbies don’t usually own. You knew that because he wouldn’t stop telling you once he got the chance. As clueless yet endearing his personality and perfectionist tendencies were, you two hit it off almost immediately. You don’t know whether it was because you like the fact that he was a figure skater, something you used to have a huge interest, or you liked him as a person but either way you two had gotten close enough for him to invite you to things outside of your little town.

One of those things, however, you did not expect to be attending one of the biggest figure skating competitions of his life.

Come with me, he said, it’ll be fun! I can show you how professional I get and how easy it is for me to win.

How it convinced you to join him on a cross-country trip is completely out of your mind. However it’s too late to go back on your words as now you were here at his competition standing on the sidelines with full moon like wide eyes looking back-and-forth between everyone who is currently in the room.

There were several other figure skaters here all warming up on the sidelines and getting ready for their performances to impress the judges. Every single one of them within the room were hoping to attend the Grand Prix of figure skating, and this competition was the last thing standing in their way to being able to compete. Despite this important detail though all of the competitors were looking around anxiously, the skin on the back of their neck standing up as they stayed on edge. There was this sense of stress within all of the skaters as the presumed to be new figure skating champion was in the building.

They were scared that no matter how well they went throughout their performance, they would be no match for the long-haired blonde you knew.

“Y/N!” A chirpy voice called out to you, like sunrays wrapped within their tone. You whirled your head around towards them, finally clicking back into the reality that you were here to support and not to gawk.

A boy not that much older than you came skipping up to you, his freckles stretching across his face like strained stars in a telescope’s eye. Lee Felix was a friend of Hyunjin, working and training under the same coach for their competitions. You had only recently met with him just a few days ago when you and Hyunjin had arrived in the city for his competition, but he already proved himself to be such a friendly and honest person that it felt like you had known him for years.

“Felix,” you grin, pushing yourself away from the railing of the ice rink to meet him halfway. Unlike many of the other figure skaters within the room, dressed in sparkly and eye-catching outfits for their performances, he was just as bundled up with warm clothing as you are. It seemed as though he was going to be watching the skaters instead of joining them on the ice for the day. “What are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be with your coach and Hyunjin?”

“Usually,” the boy shrugged, moving his hands within the pockets of his puffy jacket. “But I’m not the one competing today, am I? Why would I sit and listen to a lecture about doing my best and aiming for the top when it’s not even aimed at me? Plus it gets boring after awhile.”

You snort at the boy’s excuse, rolling your eyes and turning back towards the ice. “I don’t know, maybe it’s because moral support can take someone a long way?”

“Is it not enough moral support to be standing up and watching from the side lines instead of laying down in my nice, warm, cozy bed? I could be sitting right next to a heated fireplace right now but here I am standing in the cold with no blanket to wrap myself in.” Felix jeered, his eyes looking far off into a world you couldn’t see. But by the expressions on his face you could assume he was fantasizing about the warm bed he had mentioned.

“How can you be an ice skater if the only thing on your mind is a bed and warmth?” You teased.

“Hey! I can’t help the fact that being warm is the best feeling in the universe! Why do you think I like hugs so much? It’s basically just sharing body heat so you won’t be cold,” He argued, wrapping his arms around himself to mimic the gesture. “Let’s not forget the fact that some people also give out the best hugs I’ve ever felt as well.”

You had to conceal the obnoxious laugh that wanted to escape your mouth. Felix was such an endearing person, the way he acts and the way he talks were two completely different things from when he was on the ice. Or at least that’s what Hyunjin told you, but he was known for… overdramatizing things.

“Speak of the devil!” Felix exclaimed untangling his arms from around himself and pointing to the other end of the ice rink. “There’s the star of the day!”

The chitter chatter of the competitors and watchers suddenly began to lower, turning into a low mumble as everyone’s eyes were fixated on the ice skater who had just stepped on the ice to warm up with the feat of the skaters.

Figure skaters are like fairies, you remind yourself. They move across the ice as if they’re flying and they sparkle in the light with a certain ethereal and shimmer to them. You knew this, you’ve always known this about figure skaters. But there was a certain flare about Hyunjin that was simply unmatched by every other competitor in the room.

Maybe it didn’t help with the fact that Hyunjin was already conventionally attractive in your eyes, but seeing him skate across the ice in his costume for his performance was mesmerizing. The way the light bounced across the glittery blue fabric of his ruffled Victorian shirt, or the way the colors of white and blue hues would blend into a beautiful ombré when in combination with his pitch black pants and ice skates. Don’t even get started on how the way the azure blue ribbon tied up in his blond hair gave him just the right amount of purity to make him seem as though he were an angel in the flesh.

Mesmerizing, just mesmerizing.

“Hyunjin!” Felix called, waving his hands to catch the skater’s attention. The boy immediately turned the both of you, a soft smile appearing on his lips as he changed courses and began to glide towards the two of you. The bright lights of the ice rink made him shimmer like stars as he approached and the unorthodox beating of your heart was making it extremely hard to focus on one thing at a time right now. You had never seen him all dolled up and captivating while he was skating before. The best you had ever seen from him was a black skinny jeans and an overpriced on-brand hoodie.

“Felix,” He greeted, his soft smile still unchanging as he dressed his fellow skater. Hyunjin leaned up against the railing for support as his eyes then drifted towards you, adoration swirling within his irises. “Y/N. How do I look? Usually I’m not dressed too flashy but the coach thought this would be a nice change for this particular song.”

“You look nice,” you manage to choke out, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible with the burning hot reds of your ears and your clear flustered face. The figure skater pouted in response to your lackluster compliment, probably expecting a much grander praise from you seeing as this was your first time seeing him dressed in such a way. “What? I told the truth, you look nice.”

“Nothing else? Just nice?” He urged, trying to push another, higher quality compliment out of you. “What about… gorgeous? Ethereal? Bewitching? Exquisite—“

“Nice,” you repeat, absentmindedly running your hands through each strand of blond hair you could reach and gazing at the blue ribbon in his hair. “You look nice.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin nodded, melting into you as you rhythmically brushed your hands through his hair. “Alright, I’ll take that.”

“I did not come here to see you be gross with each other,” Felix chimed in, reminding the two of them that they weren’t alone at the lake in your little town, but in an ice rink filled with people whose eyes were always watching Hyunjin’s every move. The figure skater pushed himself off of the railing, putting a small distance between the two of you as a sheepish laugh escaped his mouth.

You attempted to laugh it off as well, punching Felix in the shoulder with a little too much strength to try and hide the embarrassment. How could you have forgotten that was literally right next to you? What if you slipped up and said something without realizing he was there? What if you acted without realizing everyone’s eyes were constantly on Hyunjin, and because he approached you, you as well?

Stupid Y/N. You’re so stupid, stupid, stupid—

“That’s my que,” Hyunjin gasped as a man spoke over the speakers, his words blasting into everyone’s ears to remind them that the competition would soon begin. You weren’t really paying attention to what was being said, though. Your eyes were too focused on the way the fabric of Hyunjin’s ombré blue and white shirt fit his physique perfectly and the way his hair was fell into perfect shape on his shoulders. “Wish me luck!”

“Get that first place bro,” Felix encouraged him, giving him a hard and strong high five. “Take us to the Grand Prix, I really wanna go to Tokyo this year.”

“That depends,” the figure skater said, turning towards with a shining grin plastered onto his face. “Y/N, do you wanna go to Tokyo?”

“You’re gonna put your whole rookie career on Y/N?” Felix gasped, his eyes widened in disbelief as he looked between the two of you. You don’t blame him for being so caught off guard by Hyunjin’s question, you were just as confused as Felix was.

Your bewildered expression and utter silence wasn’t being taken for an answer as Hyunjin intently looked at you, patiently waiting for you to respond despite the speakers overhead telling all skaters to clear off the ice. After taking a moment to compose yourself, you finally open your mouth to speak. “Hyunjin, you’ve been working towards the Grand Prix final for how long now? You shouldn’t be placing your entire career on—“

“Answer the question,” he interrupted. “Do you want to go to Tokyo with me?”

“Yes,” You finally answer him. “I would like to go to Tokyo with you.”

It was like your answer gave Hyunjin a sudden boost of motivation, his smile going from ear to ear and his eyes turning into little crescent moons as he began to shift to and fro on the ice. “Alright then,” He nodded, kicking himself backwards to go and join the rest of the skaters who were simply waiting for the boy to step off the ice. As he skated backwards, hands behind his back and his ice skates kicking up little chunks of ice, he kept eye contact with you and called out. “I’ll make sure I’ll take you to Tokyo, Y/N! And I’ll win the gold medal just for you!”

“Of course, you will!” You tell after him as he turned around. “You’re obligated to win me the gold medal because you brought me all the way here without telling me! Your gold medal is my gold medal!”

[cinnaminsvga]

intermission • iv | eclipse

→ summary: When the love letter you wrote and submitted as an assignment is leaked to the entirety of your university, it becomes a race against time to dispel rumours and convince the seven suspected muses of the poem that they aren’t the subject before anyone realises that you are the author. Easy, right? Well… maybe not as easy as you think.

→ pairing: bts x reader (feat. sera) → genre: college!au, crack, fluff, angst → warnings: sfw other than some ugly jealousy c/o a snake → words: 4.9K → a/n: sera didn’t always use to be a shitty person. well, that’s a lie. she was always a shitty person. she just used to be able to hide it well.

— • masterlist | prev | intermission iv | next • —

–– the first day of freshman year ––

The line for the free freshman orientation merchandise is longer than Sera had anticipated, even though she had arrived almost an entire hour early. Though most people would have dismissed the lengthy queue, Sera is Asian as Asian could get, her genes forbidding her from skipping over free shit when free shit can be received. She is sure her ancestors would never forgive her if she allowed this opportunity to slip through her fingers. And so, Sera waits with the rest of the cattle as the line shortens slowly, the heat of the early sun reminiscent of the summer months that should have already passed.

After sweating her body’s weight worth of sweat, she finally finds herself near the front of the line, foot tapping impatiently as the rowdy bunch of newly hatched boylings before her fought amongst themselves for the canvas knapsacks over the pink water bottles. Fragile masculinity at its finest, Sera thinks, as she watches with something akin to pity as the runt of the litter ends up with the “girlier” merchandise in the end.

At this point, all the better free items have mostly run out, though Sera wouldn’t mind getting the university emblem encrusted notepad and pen set. It is only a matter of moral principle when she gets the water bottle after seeing the boy from before shooting her with a desperate look, probably hoping to trade items with her if she had gotten something else. Sadistic pleasure courses through her veins when she sees the light fade from his eyes, the inevitability of his pink water bottle fate permanently sealed.

Puny boy. Drink your nasty energy drinks from your pink tinted bottle for all she cares. She’ll be doing the same, at least.

Free from that slow torture, Sera now has to subject herself to more agonizing torment by waiting for the rest of her orientation group members to arrive, most of whom should have gotten to the intended meeting location by now. She observes as her harried orientation leader tries unsuccessfully to get your small group to interact with one another, his fake cheery smile looking more strained as the apathetic faces of sleep-deprived freshmen fail to respond to his forced banter.

Her orientation leader, whose name she cannot recall for the life of her but will call “Mike” from now on, coughs awkwardly into his spotted handkerchief before dabbing his sweating forehead. Sera grimaces when she notices that a small glob of snot remains stuck to his skin where he had touched, though no one seems obliged to alert him of this fact. He glances at his watch, jumping from one foot to the other, as he does another headcount for the third time in the last ten minutes.

“7… 8… 9…” His finger hovers when it reaches the last person, his brow turned downwards in worry. The glob of snot dangles ever precariously from its perch. “Umm… Does anyone know where the last person is? We’re supposed to be ten, and the first part of our agenda is starting soon.”

Sera wonders why on earth he’s asking that as if they were supposed to be friends with one another. The university had forced everyone to make a group chat with their orientation groupmates a week ago, which was honestly a lost cause considering that everyone was randomly sorted into groups. Sera’s group chat only has two messages so far, with both being from the orientation leader himself. Out of ten people, only two of them have seen the messages, with Sera being one of them.

If that’s an indicator of how today is going to be, then Sera should have poured some shots into her kombucha like a sane person would have.

“Maybe you should try calling her?” One of the girls in her group says, her gaze never leaving her phone as she types rapidly, her dexterity astonishing despite her inch-long acrylic nails. Mike, on the other hand, stares forlornly at the black screen of his phone.

“No can do. My phone died a few minutes ago when I was in the middle of calling my mom. I guess I was too excited when I was telling her about today’s orientation day.” He laughs half-heartedly at that, and Sera might’ve felt a little bad for the guy if his phone didn’t have a keychain of an anime girl with big ol’ dobonhokeros. The only thing missing from his outfit is a big backdrop of his mom’s basement behind him to complete his look.

Mike looks around the group expectantly, obviously trying to catch the eye of one of you. Everyone’s heads bow down immediately, sensing that some effort and participation are about to be required from one of them. Nothing gets tired teens to disappear into the ground quicker than being asked to volunteer for anything that needed 0.01% of their brainpower. Unluckily for Sera, she is a bit too slow in her response, immediately locking gazes with Mike as a grin stretches on his face.

“Sera! You must know Y/N, right? I saw that you and Y/N had opened the group chat the other day. Why don’t you try calling her?” He says brightly, no signs of his depression from earlier. Two boys in Supreme hoodies snicker loudly at Sera’s dismayed face, and she vows to “accidentally” stomp on their pristine white sneakers later with her muddied old trainers.

“Um. Alright,” she agrees through gritted teeth, pulling out her phone with a heavy hand. Sera wonders if you’ll even take the call, possibly wary of answering an unknown number. Her pondering only lasts a second when you answer the call on the first ring, your heavy breaths being the first sound that greets Sera’s ears.

“I’m lost! I can’t find the soccer field! I’m running as fast as I can,” is your jumbled reply, followed by a screech on your end and what sounds like a honking car in the distance. “Sorry!” you call out immediately afterwards, and Sera hazards a guess that you were only two inches away from being roadkill.

“Yeah, this is Sera, one of your orientation groupmates. Mik–I mean, our orientation leader is wondering where you are.”

“I’m–” There is a pause, and Sera thinks for a moment that you might have dropped the call by accident or something. Then, you reply shakily, sniffling slightly. “I… I don’t know??? Help???”

What is it with today? Sera is meeting more people than she would like, and all of them seem to be the human equivalent of a cry for help. Surely, this is a test from above? However, there is something endearingly pitiful about your quiet sobs that makes her want to help you a little bit. She is never one to offer her services so freely to any stranger, but then again… She could become friends with you if you weren’t such a crybaby all the time.

“Describe where you are. I’ll try to come get you,” she says, not missing the way you gasp at her generosity. A feeling of pride settles into her chest, not disliking the way you must be so grateful for her benevolence. She should do this more often.

“Will you really? Oh my god, thank you!” you say giddily. You are quick to describe your surroundings, and luckily, Sera knows exactly where you are. The good thing about being a perfectionist is that Sera loves to over-prepare, so she already did her own tour of the campus before orientation day. In hindsight, she wonders why she even bothered to attend when she could handle herself perfectly. Oh right, the free stuff.

“Okay, hold tight. Be there in a bit,” she says before hanging up the phone. Sera turns back to Mike, who looks awfully smug for being as inept as he is. He begins to gather the rest of the group together, addressing all of them loudly.

“Thanks to the lovely Sera, our last member will join us shortly. In the meantime, we’ll head to the auditorium for the first event of the day while Sera finds Y/N!”

Wait– “You’re leaving me?” Sera shouts, jaw agape. Isn’t he supposed to be in charge? Whatever happened to teamwork and all that shit he was spouting literally ten minutes ago? Yet, here he was. All Mike the Mighty Ass does is shrug his shoulders, patting her impetuously on the back.

“We’re not leaving you! The auditorium is just over there,” Mike points to the imposing domed stadium just across the field. “And we’ll be seated right at the front, so just look for us there!”

“That stadium has a 7000 person capacity. How the hell am I supposed to–”

Sera doesn’t get to finish her sentiment as Mike raises his gaudy orange flag high up into the sky, signaling the rest of the group to follow his lead. None of the little shits even bat an eye as they quickly leave Sera in the dust to look for you.

As Sera gawks at the rapidly emptying field, she surmises that no number of free water bottle could ever amount to the trauma that the past few hours have inflicted on her. You better kiss the ground that she walks on when she finds you, or else there will be consequences to pay.

Finding you is easier said than done. Sera is sure she knew where you were from your descriptions, though there is a possibility that she might have overestimated herself. Either that or your explanation had been vague at best.

“‘In front of the weird blue houses,' she said,” Sera mutters to herself, looking up at the only blue-painted buildings in sight. She supposes that “weird” is subjective, as the houses appear quaint as can be, though maybe you had found the little garden gnomes at the front to be a bit disconcerting. Regardless, there seems to be no other person in sight, unless the crotchety old man in the wheelchair might be you.

She is just about to call you again when a person with twigs in their hair comes running down the sidewalk, their backpack thumping harshly against their back with every step they take. They are waving their hands wildly in the air, a large grin on their face as they struggle to slow down their momentum before inevitably tumbling into Sera’s slight body.

She found you.

“Ooph!” Sera groans, barely holding onto her senses as she tries her best to keep both of you upright. “What the fuck? Where were you?”

“Sorry, sorry!” You apologize repeatedly, swatting away bits of leaves from your hair that consequently fall onto Sera’s sweater. “I got a bit distracted by this dude at a hair salon and I had to make a run for it–”

“Whatever,” Sera interrupts, tugging you by the elbow and back to where the orientation is being held. “Let’s just get out of here before we miss out on the stupid orientation.”

You stumble a bit as you follow after her quick strides, having to hobble a little to catch up. You tilt your head curiously at your surroundings, not recognizing any of the landmarks at all. “Uh. You sure we’re going the right way? All these buildings look weird…”

“Says the chick who couldn’t even find the soccer field.” Sera snorts, continuing to walk with determination. “If you’re going to ogle at every ‘weird’ building we pass, then it’ll take us years to get there. Hurry up!”

After taking a few wrong turns and reaching two deadends, it is only then Sera admits that she might have forgotten the way back. It’s not her fault; she’s only been on campus for a few hours before. To your credit, you don’t seem all that disheartened as she had expected, unlike how distressed you had sounded on the phone earlier. In fact, you are skipping happily along beside her, pausing every often to take a few pictures of the dormitories and lecture buildings like a tourist.

“It’s like this is the first time that you’ve ever seen a building,” Sera jokes, taking a seat on a bench as she watches you frolic around a water fountain. You strike a weird post at her, smiling radiantly with your teeth showing.

“It’s because I only just moved here! I was late because I was busy unpacking my stuff in my dorm room,” you explain, straightening up into a more dignified posture before going to sit beside her.

Sera looks at you curiously. “Oh? You’re living on res? Are you from out of town?”

You shake your head. “Nah. My mom and I live pretty far off though, and I’d prefer not to take a commute in the morning. It’s chill though; I’m sharing a room with this dude I used to go to high school with.”

“They have co-gendered dorm rooms here?” Sera’s interest is piqued, and you are quick to notice it. You laugh, shrugging your shoulders.

“Uh, kind of? We’re like childhood friends and his mom is really close with the residence dean, so she asked if we could room together, just for the first year. She doesn’t really trust him with strangers. He’s really shy, so he’s uncomfortable rooming with someone he doesn’t know.”

“So, you guys aren’t, like, dating or..?”

“Me? Dating Jungkook? Oh God, that’s funny!” You laugh, slapping your knee. The more you think about it, the more ridiculous the idea is. “He’s like a bro to me! I would never date him.”

Sera smiles, a seed of an idea being planted in her brain. She stores it for later, but for now, she asks “Oh? So you’d be fine with introducing him to me sometime? I’d love to meet new people.”

“Sure, dude. He’s really introverted, so I doubt you’ll get too much out of him,” you hum. You close your eyes, enjoying the way the breeze gently caresses your face as Sera observes you from the sidelines.

Interesting, she thinks. She’ll definitely hang around you more. You are not as annoying as she had originally thought, and maybe it would be nice to have a friend to hang out with in between classes. Unassuming, overly excitable, naive… You’re just an innocent puppy, who will follow anyone who pets it. Easy enough; Sera can afford to accommodate you.

Sera smirks, allowing herself to enjoy the breeze as well. University might not be so bad after all.

A few months pass, and being friends with you isn’t as tedious as Sera had feared. In fact, you are a pretty chill person, someone whom Sera never needs to pretend to save face around. To you, her little mean streaks are nothing but little “quirks,” and you often wave them off as silly parts of her personality. Most of the time, the things Sera says are just that: jokes. More often than not, however, Sera has just grown comfortable around you to let her filter run a little loose, letting her goofier and bitchier side come out more easily.

Call it naivety or stupidity, but Sera is thankful to have you around.

Nevertheless, there are still some small moments when that thankfulness falls a little short. Take, for example:

“That TA is totally a bitch! She gave me an 80 on that essay only because her ex-boyfriend hit me up on Instagram. It’s not my fault that her boobs sag all the way to her hips!” Sera exclaims a little too loudly, and you have to silence her through stilted giggles as the two of you pass by the aforementioned TA.

“Marina isn’t that petty,” you say, though your defense is a little too lackluster to be effective. In fact, you’ve been a bit spacey all afternoon, not really present in most of your conversations together. You exit the lecture hall, walking to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. Sera has to pull you out of the way of two speeding bicycles before she thinks to ask you what’s up.

“Huh?” You mumble back, still smiling dopily at nothing. You’ve always been the type to get lost in your head, which is hilarious to Sera, given that your current debilitating crush is on none other than the most air-headed boy on campus. She supposes there is a certain appeal for opposite personalities, though it is funny that out of all the men on campus, you had to choose the heart-on for none other than–

“I was asking you what’s up with you,” Sera repeats, tutting as the two of you arrive at the cafeteria with no further casualties. “Seriously, it’s like your head is in your ass. Don’t tell me you finally got dicked down in the janitor’s closet and you’re basking in the afterglow.”

Sera’s crude comment is what finally gets you to snap out of it. “Hell no, you sex fiend!” You hiss, cheeks reddening at the jab. “Are you ever going to let that go? I told you that fantasy in confidence!”

“My lips are as loose as my pussy, my dude. You should know by now.” Sera says plainly, directing the two of you to one of the sushi joints. You don’t even protest Sera’s choice like you ordinarily would, as you have previously gotten intense food poisoning from one of their sashimi platters a week back. You must really be overthinking something then.

“I know. I’m just saying shit right now,” you say, pulling up a chair and plopping down. You fiddle with the soy sauce bottle contemplatively. “I’m spacing out because I’ve been thinking about the essay we just got back.”

“Oh?” Sera says, eyebrows lifting at that. She pulls out the menu, taking charge for the two of you as you have never quite mastered the art of choosing what food to get. Also, you’re scared of flagging down waiters, for whatever reason. “Did you also get saggy tits as your TA? I’m still mad about that B+, by the way.”

“That’s the thing,” you pause, accidentally flipping open the soy sauce bottle’s cap and spraying yourself with drops of the dark liquid. Neither of you even flinch when it happens, so used to catastrophes happening when it comes to you. You’re like a walking disaster magnet, and Sera has no idea why karma hates you so much. It’s a miracle that you’re alive, sometimes.

So it does come as a huge surprise to her when you follow up by saying, “She gave me an A+.”

The menu drops out of Sera’s hand. “What?” she nearly screeches, scaring the waiter who had been idly standing by your table. You point an apologetic glance at him as he scurries as far away from the two of you as possible, but Sera is undeterred. The words that had come out of your mouth makes no sense whatsoever.

“But… Marina literally gives no one higher than an A! I’ve got sources from upper years saying that she’s a beast when she grades – there must have been a mistake!” Sera says, not bothering to be polite.

You shrug, looking just as confused. “I thought so too. I was going to talk to her after class a while ago, but thought better of it and decided to not look a gift horse in the mouth… Better to accept it than question it, right?”

Sera hums, not wanting to admit that it was irking her that you didn’t ask the TA about it. Her annoyance is unwarranted, however, because she would’ve done the same. Why argue over a blessing? Still, it pains her to know that you got a higher grade than she did, even though you are taking the writing course as an elective, while Sera is a writing major herself.

The two of you enjoy your meal as if nothing had happened, and that is the first time in a long while since Sera has needed to put a façade around you.

In the next coming sessions, Sera and you begin to realize that the A+ had not been a fluke as you consistently continue to ace the quizzes and assignments for your creative writing course. Your professor has been badgering you to consider switching courses for a week now, and you’ve politely declined each and every time.

“Music is just more my thing, you see,” you explain to him, bowing quickly as you exit out of the room to escape another ten minutes of his incessant pleading.

It’s really starting to grate Sera’s gears a little bit.

The thing is, Sera knows she is being petty. It’s not even a new occurrence for her, as she has been known to ditch people once they start being better at her in anything.

Gymnastics in 4th grade had been a bust when star athlete Jinyoung Choi discovered her flexibility during PE. Mathematics had gone down the drain once Abegail Sun had won the Mathlete Competition for the third time in a row. Writing should have been Sera’s only crowning achievement, as she had always grown up with people around her praising her ability to weave universes with her words.

She can’t share that spotlight, not when she’s been pushed into the shadows numerous times already. This time, she’s not going down without a fight.

The worst part about the whole situation isn’t even that you were like a baby waiting for their candy to be stolen. With Sera’s connections and sly tendencies, it wouldn’t be hard to crush you where you stood. She’s only done it once back in high school, stripped someone of their confidence so savagely that they were forced to move to another school. She is sure she could do it again, but for whatever reason, it feels like it would be too easy of a win.

The worst part is that you didn’t even want the limelight, the success. Creative writing is just a hobby for you, and you certainly don’t deserve the recognition at all. Effort should be awarded its due, and you have certainly never exerted more than a pinky finger’s worth in your entire writing career.

The final straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back, which pushed Sera past the point of reason, comes much later than anyone might have guessed. Sera’s patience is like plastic, sometimes durable and heat resistant, but oftentimes flimsy and tearable. It does not take a genius to figure out that all plastic must melt, one way or another.

Second-year comes, and Sera has all but allowed her simmering hatred to remain as just that: simmering. She is careful never to let it boil over, fearful of letting you see her break in the event that you would retaliate. Her problem is that she had allowed you to grow, forgetting to stomp on your confidence every so often so that you would be forced to depend on her. Now, you have amassed a sizeable following for your writing online, and Sera knows that you could use that power against her if you pleased. Cancel culture can be like the plague, and Sera knows the ins and outs of it better than anyone else.

Sera knows logically that you would never do that to her, as much as you would like to. Your morals restrain you from doing so, which saves Sera from some anxiety of backlash at least. Still, she has to remain careful anyway.

The two of you do not see each other as often as you once did during your first year. As sophomores, your majors require you to take more courses specialized towards your degree, meaning the general education courses that you shared were no longer required. The only time you ever saw Sera is during Creative Writing and the occasional lunch out in between classes.

Despite that, Sera just can’t get away from you, no matter how hard she tries. Your presence is everywhere: on the university newspaper, on the university forums, on club recruitment posters – hell, she thinks she sees some dude wearing a t-shirt with your face and Jungkook’s face printed on the front or something. Worst of all, she hears about you all the time, from her stupid professors who can’t stop waxing poetic about you. Case in point:

“Professor, may I speak to you?” Sera approaches Professor Puth at the front of his podium once class ends, whiffs of musky marijuana hovering around him like a cloud. You give Sera a confused look, about to ask what she wants to ask before she waves you off, urging you to go ahead.

“I’ll see you next Thursday. I got a tutorial right after this,” Sera lies smoothly, poised grin in place. Not really one to question her, you shrug your shoulders, waving both her and your professor goodbye.

“So,” Professor Puth says, peering at Sera. “Sera, right?”

Sera beams at him. “Yes, Professor. Glad you remember me.”

He hums thoughtfully, tongue jutting out as he appraises her with eyes sharper than any stoned person would have. “Yes, of course. What did you want to talk about?”

“You see, I got my assessment draft back this morning, and it says I got a C+ on it, but I’m sure I followed the rubric very carefully. Are you sure there wasn’t a mistake?” Sera says, not a hitch in her voice despite her outrage slowly starting boil over the edge. She’s never felt so humiliated in her life, having to beg like a dog for a regrade like some sort of pitiful loser.

“You might want to ask the TAs about regrading, in that case. I only graded a few of the works. Which one was yours about?”

“The poem about the withering tree, Professor.”

“Oh, yes. I remember that one. I was the one who graded it,” Professor Puth says, rubbing his chin. He tilts his head. “What did you want to ask about it?”

Sera stares at him, disbelief coloring every inch of her face. “Um, I just said… I wanted to ask – I followed the rubric and everything, so how come my grade was…” she trails off, embarrassed.

Professor Puth tuts, swiveling away to approach his desk. Sera follows, unsure for the first time in her life, as he starts rearranging his things to pack up. “Sera, I can e-mail the rubric to you again, if you want. I assure you, there is one essential part of the grading scheme that you forgot, and I’m afraid that is what cost your grade.”

Sera thinks. “Was it… the formatting?”

He barks out a laugh, slamming his papers down as if what she had just said was the funniest thing he’s heard since a Yo Mama joke. “No, of course not. It was the content! The emotion! You cannot just string highfalutin words together and expect the reader to feel moved.”

Sera flinches, offended. “I think those aspects of poetry are very subjective, Professor. Surely, you could ask for a second opinion–”

“I always ask for second opinions when grading assignments,” he says, wagging a finger. “We all agreed that your work was at least a C+, though I had originally graded it a C- at best.”

Once again, for the first time in her life, Sera is at a loss for words. Never has she been so casually humiliated before, especially after all the time she has put in to being nothing but a stellar student for all her professors. This must be some sort of bad dream.

“On the other hand,” he continues, pausing in his packing to stare at Sera. She does not feel like he is truly looking at her; rather, he looks to be lost in thought about something else entirely. “That friend of yours… Miss Y/N, right? I’ve always heard about her from my colleagues.”

The mention of your name causes the hairs on the back of her neck to bristle, and Sera goes defensive immediately. “What about her?” she cautions.

“Oh, just that she’s a wonderful writer. Very moving stories with lots of depth. I was a bit skeptical at first because Professor Whitney has always been a bit of a softie with freshmen… but she was right,” he nods to himself, a small smirk on his face. “That girl… I don’t doubt in the slightest that she could make someone fall in love with her just by writing them a piece.”

The comparison might have hurt less if he had used a different example, anyone else really. Some unknown sap that Sera could tear piece by piece without a shred of remorse, made easier by the fact that she did not have to know and care for them. You, on the other hand…

It has always been you. She rues the day she met you, when she had thought you were nothing but a meek little puppy to play with, not knowing that you had a hidden dagger behind your back. How foolish of her to let her guard down, and it makes her even angrier to think that you had no idea of the pain you have inadvertently caused her. No, she will make you understand her pain, her struggle. It is only right and just.

All she had to do was wait for an opportunity to strike and until then… It should be easy to keep up this charade. She has done it for more than a year, and she can do it for another ten. She has been doing it all her life, in fact.

When that day comes, she’ll be ready, and there’s nothing you can do but watch as she burns your whole world to the ground.

[alabasterswriting]

Hey, were so you stand on the whole fandom discourse thing? Like do you ship mileven or byeler or lumax or elmax? Was mike being an asshole or was Will being a bad friend? Was Mike right or was Max right? Do you like Lucas and Mike bromance or Mike and Will bromance/romance? Is Will gay or ace or just not in puberty yet? Srry for the questions but you’re like the most level headed person ive seen and i wanna know what u think?

Oh, oh this is going to be long. Warning! Long Post!

Okay, well, first let me just say that I hate discourse. I think it’s silly and stupid for fandoms to rip characters apart and fight over something like this when we should be bolstering each other up with our mutual love over a piece of media. However, the discourse after this season of Stranger Things is particularly upsetting because I think it all comes down to the fact that the character writing this season wasn’t very strong. They were paper-thin and the characters themselves didn’t get as much meaningful interaction as I think the story needed. It was so much action that a lot of the necessary quiet moments got lost.

But onto your questions.

So, the ships. I’ll be honest, I’m not a hardcore shipper of any of them. Except maybe Jopper, but that’s only because I really wanted El to have that mother figure in Joyce that she can’t get from Terry, and for Will and Jonathan to have that father figure in Hopper that they can’t get in Lonnie. Also, I really want Will and El to be siblings. But back to your question. I am an aromantic asexual. I also vacillate between liking romance to being completely put off by it, the latter of which tending to happen when it is thrown in my face. If you’re asking me if I like the ships this season, I would have to say no simply because I felt like they came at the expense of the friendships and bonds between the core characters. If you’re asking me if I like them in general, then yes. I think mileven is cute, and I think byler can be cute, and I think lumax is hilarious, and elmax would be wonderful.

Do I honestly think that Mike and Will will get together? No. It’s not going to happen. I can see Will maybe having a crush on Mike, and that being something he will struggle with, but Mike is 100% in love with El and that’s fine. That’s life. Will is a kid living in 1980s rural Indiana. The show has already shown that homophobia is a thing. He and Mike are friends, and I don’t think with all the work on Mike and El that it would make sense to suddenly flip it now. And Mike and El are cute, and I liked how this season they showed that puppy love stage is not all it’s cracked up to be. I liked how they showed growing pains in their relationship. I liked how Mike and El had to learn to balance their romantic relationship with their friends. I wish it had been handled better, but I liked how they were able to show that even though Mike and El aren’t a perfect relationship, they do have a special bond and I enjoyed that.

Does this mean I don’t enjoy byler fics and headcanons and edits and parallels? Hell no! I love that shit. I love it the same way I do mileven. And honestly, I could get behind milevill. I think El and Will would be more platonic, with Mike in the middle, but poly shipping is generally how I get around shipping wars. And I hate how characters get demonized when shipping goggles get put on, and these three are demonized to high heaven for it, to the point that shippers degrade their actual characters down to one aspect.

In regards to the characterization of Mike and Will this season, I see both sides. It’s been implied that Mike has been ditching his friends all summer to spend time with El in the cabin. He’s apparently been there everyday since she got back. And on the one hand, this makes sense. El isn’t allowed out and if Mike isn’t there then she’s alone. That sucks, especially because El has already been through far too much isolation in her life. It’s also sort of implied that they like spending time with just the two of them and that the rest of the party either doesn’t visit often or the only time the whole party is together is the rare occasion when El is allowed out. We can sort of see this by the fact that Max and El aren’t really friends, but El still feels comfortable enough to go to her for advice on Mike, and the way that Will calls her Eleven instead of El until about the middle of the season. Ergo, Mike has been ditching them to spend time with her every day, away from the party. And that’s got to be frustrating. Will doesn’t seem nearly as frustrated with Max and Lucas, which could be because they’re not as puppylove-ish, and because he has the opportunity to get to know Max. He knows her more as Lucas’ girlfriend, but he seems more comfortable in her presence. So we can guess that Lucas and Max spend more time with the group than Mike and El. And frankly, if I was Will and my best friend had been doing this every day for a month while I third-wheeled, I would have snapped too. And probably a lot earlier. Especially if the only thing I had asked of him was one day of his time to do something not related to romance. It wasn’t right what Mike was doing, even if it was understandable. But that was part of Mike’s arc - learning to balance his romantic relationship with his friendships.

As for Will, like I said above, it’s implied that Will has been third-wheeling for an entire summer. Mike has been ditching them for all this time and that’s a big change he has to deal with. All Will wants is to go back to how things were before he was completely traumatized. D&D is the only thing he has from before the Upside Down, so of course he would want to have a guys day and play it. Will is allowed to want something other than just being a support for his friends. Unfortunately, he does fail to read the room. Now, I can imagine that maybe he thought playing D&D would cheer Mike and Lucas up, but he could have been more understanding of the situation. Mike and El were going through a rough spot and Will could have done a better job of being there for him. Now, it’s possible that because of Lucas and Max’s constant breakups that he doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal, but considering Mike has been spending all his time with El, Will probably should have been able to realize now was not the time to insist on playing a game. I also don’t think that Will calling El a “stupid girl” was Will being mean or angry at El however. He was mad at Mike. He was placing the blame on Mike. His target was Mike and that Mike was breaking up the party. Not El. Max and El are his friends, though they’re not close, and Will was calling out the fact that that Mike was ditching them, rather than thinking El was actually a stupid girl. And he has a point. He even asks where Dustin is and questions the fact that Mike isn’t wondering. Dustin got back the day before after being gone a month. So, while Will definitely could have been more sensitive to Mike’s problems, he also had legitimate reasons to be angry. Just like Mike had legitimate reasons to be upset.

And I will say here that both Mike and Max are correct when it comes to El. Mike is monopolizing a lot of El’s time. It’s not a bad thing in itself, but El needs friends outside of him. It’s unhealthy not to. And Mike was also right to worry about her burning herself out with her powers. His concern was completely valid. But Max was also right. It wasn’t right of Mike to lie to El like that and then not apologize, especially after she caught him and called him out on it. The fact that Max was there to teach El how to be herself and make decisions for herself outside of Mike and Hopper was something she needed to grow as a person. And Max was also right when she told Mike that El knew how to work her powers better than he does. That it’s her decision on how far to go. Now, this does have its drawbacks because El might not actually know when to draw the line. She goes too far, and that’s where Mike’s concern is completely valid. Both of them have good points and are coming from a place of caring, but they’re also teenagers and don’t know how to handle all of these issues correctly.

As for Mike and Lucas vs Mike and Will, I think this is such a stupid thing to fight over. They’re all best friends. Mike and Lucas were stated to be best friends in season 1 because they live next door to each other, but Mike “calls bull” on that logic because he’s also best friends with Dustin and with Will. He and Will have been friends since kindergarten and we saw a lot of that in season 2, which was wonderful. This season both Mike and Lucas are in relationships and can relate to each other better than Mike and Will who are having a discourse in their relationship because they’re maturing at different rates. Mike and Lucas want to move forward because they have relationships blossoming that makes the future happier, where Will is stuck in the past because the past is where all his happiness is. Do I wish we had gotten a moment between Will and Mike where they actually talk about their fight and how everything has changed, or that we got a better goodbye from them at the end? Absolutely. Their friendship deserved that. But I also loved how Lucas was Mike’s wingman, and all around relationship guru. I also really liked how Lucas and Will worked together this season. Lucas reached out to Will, and even though it didn’t go far, I really liked all the little moments they had together. They are all best friends but even in friend groups there are people you go to for different things.

And is Will gay? Oh boy. Okay, so, personally, I think Will is gay. There’s been a lot of subtext and the show bible does seem to imply he’s on the spectrum somewhere. BUT. This is not canon. Things change all the time when writing and until it is explicitly stated by either the show runners or the show itself, then this is still just speculation. I can also totally see Will as ace. I knew I was ace before I even had a word for it and I was like 11 years old. Will could be ace. I don’t think he is simply because we never get representation, but it’s totally possible. It’s also possible that he’s both. You can be homoromantic asexual. You can also be aromantic homosexual. The two aren’t mutually exclusive and I kind of like the idea of him being homoromantic asexual. Or he might be completely gay and yet be so traumatized that sexual attraction is horrific. He’s been violated so violently in ways so similar to rape that I can easily imagine anything sexual as triggering. And yes, at 14 you are old enough to start thinking about sex. It’s normal. Even I thought about it at that age, even though I thought it weird that anyone would ever find it enjoyable. It is also completely possible that, due to that trauma, Will just isn’t there yet. Trauma does cause brain damage. He could very easily have regressed mentally to the point that he just hasn’t begun to mature yet.

Sorry for the long post, but there you go. Frankly, I think the characters this season were just very poorly written, and I think fandoms tend to not know what to do when characters behave differently than expected. But the thing is, these characters are growing up and changing. Smart people can be dumb. Kind people can get angry and lash out. Protective people can be selfish. A good person making the wrong choice doesn’t automatically make them bad. People are not so one-dimensional that “shy, quiet, artistic” doesn’t mean they can’t ever be “annoyed, moody, and angry”. “Loyal, charismatic, and smart” characters can also be “oblivious, tunnel-visioned, and dumb.” The problem with this season is that they didn’t allow the characters to really interact outside of their pairings. Dustin wasn’t with the party at all. Will and Mike never get meaningful resolution. Max and El never really talk about the problems in their relationships. Like Max and Lucas have broken up 5 times? Why? What is the story there? Will and El barely talk at all even though they have the most in common and end up living together by the end. And Lucas and Max don’t have much interaction at all. The romance sort of overshadowed the fact that these kids are all friends. And it should have been clearer that even though they’re all growing up and apart, they’re also all traumatized and understand each other on levels no one else can. It’s varying levels of trauma, but we don’t see them really band together to build each other up. And I think we needed that level of platonic love to really show that, yeah, we may not be focusing on these relationships as much this season, but they’re still there, rather than “Mike only cares about Eleven” and “Will and Mike apparently aren’t friends anymore.” The action overshadowed the heart this season, and I think that’s where some of the subtler character arcs got lost. 

I hope that answered your question and thank you!

[honeysunned]

Honey and Chocolate IV

Warnings: Violence and possessive behavior 

You hadn’t seen Erik in weeks, and honestly, you were better off for it. The last conversation that the two of you had in your apartment was still fresh in your mind, his behavior setting you on edge. You had enough to worry about without adding Erik’s uncharacteristically jealous behavior into the mix. You just didn’t understand niggas, truly.

Every man you’d ever interacted with always complained about females wanting more and becoming clingy and shit. However, funnily enough, just about every man you’d interacted with also had a problem with your detached behavior. Erik was the first to just ever come outright and say it, and express a desire for more. Like you’d always told Layla, you’d seen how trash men could be, so you barely gave them more attention than what they deserved.

“Maybe Erik is different,” Layla said one night at the club.

“Nah,” you disagreed. “He’s not different. The only difference is he’s voicing his displeasure with my behavior, unlike the rest.”

“Come on, (Y/N). You know that man has wanted you since high school. He’s the only one who was patient enough to stick around and wait.”

“Patience doesn’t necessarily equal good intentions,” you argued.

“For argument’s sake, let’s just say that he genuinely does want more from you. Is that so bad?”

“Layla, you met Erik. You know Erik. Now, ask me that question again…”

“Valid, but he could be willing to try to be better…for you.”

You shook your head. If that was your only concern, you might have considered what she was saying, but how would you even begin to explain that you think Erik might be dangerous? Not dangerous in the “he’s going to ruin my life” sense, but dangerous in the “I think he might have killed my friend” sense.

It was crazy, you knew that, but you just couldn’t get the nagging suspicion out of your head that Erik had something to do with it. You might have thought that it was simply a robbery gone wrong or something if it wasn’t for the fact that someone wanted you to come there. Whoever was involved wanted you to find his body. It was personal, and the only person who’d have something personal to gain from it was Erik.

You didn’t know what his line of work was, just that it was dangerous. You had never asked questions, figuring that it was none of your business, but now you were thinking that maybe you should have. Was it possible that his work allowed for him to kill someone and get away with it?

“Nah, I don’t want anything to do with that nigga. He’s crazy,” you complained.

Layla smiled a coy smile, winking.

“Yeah, but a little bit of crazy is good, right?”

You stared her down, not fazed in the slightest.

“You ever wonder why you don’t hear nearly as many crazy ex-boyfriend stories as you do ex-girlfriend stories?”

“Point taken,” she mumbled, sipping on her drink.

“…cause the boyfriend is either in jail or dead from a self-inflicted wound after killing his girlfriend,” you continued.

“Hey, I said point taken. It’s a shame,” she sighed. “…but hey. At least you got some good dick out of it.”

You clinked your glass with hers before taking a drink.

“I’m gonna head home. It’s kind of dry here, tonight, and I honestly just want some sleep,” you said, standing and putting on your coat.

You and Layla said your goodbye’s before you made your way outside. It was pretty chilly, and you wrapped your coat tighter around you. The street and sidewalk was pretty dead, the only sound being that of your heels clicking against the pavement. The club that y’all chose wasn’t far from your house, and you were grateful for that as you looked around.

The entire walk home you felt uneasy, and you kept looking over your shoulder several times. Of course, every time you were proven to be nothing more than paranoid, but it didn’t ease your fears, at all. Even when you finally made your way inside of your apartment, the tension in your shoulders didn’t dissipate. With a sigh, you threw your keys onto the table by the door. You dropped your purse, easing out of your coat as you made your way down the hall.

You were almost to your bedroom when an arm slid around you, pinning your own arms to your side. A had covered your mouth just as you opened it to scream. You jerked in the stranger’s arms, fear blooming in your chest as he pulled you against him.

“Shh,” he shushed, the familiar voice causing you to freeze. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Erik started walking backwards, forcing you to do the same. Shudders wracked your frame as you recalled your conversation with Layla, jokingly calling Erik crazy. It wasn’t as funny, now. He forced you onto your couch, threatening you not to move before the room was flooded in light. Your eyes were wide as you took him in.

You hadn’t seen him in weeks, but he looked like the same old Erik. His locs were braided away from his face in three rows, dark shirt hugging him like a glove.

“What the fuck are you doing?” you finally asked.

He locked the deadbolt on the door, causing your heart to skip a beat, and it was then that you finally noticed the gun in his hand. You sharply inhaled, forcing yourself to calm down as you realized that you might be staring death in the face.

“I’m tryna talk to you. What does it look like?”

“With that?” you nodded towards the weapon that he was holding. “You really need to talk with that? You needed to break into my apartment to talk?”

He approached you, and you resisted the urge to run. He sneered at you, standing over you, now.

“I waited patiently for you, y’know? Every other nigga in school didn’t have the mentality to handle you, but I did. I do.”

You frowned, unhappy with the way he was speaking about you.

“You’re different, (Y/N), and you know it. You and me,” he gestured between the two of you. “We’re the same. We think the same, act the same, and that’s why we’d be good together.”

You didn’t even know how to respond to that, so you didn’t.

“After high school, I just let the shit go. It pissed me off that I never got to get with you, but I let it go. Imagine my luck, though, when I ran into you two years ago in the street? I knew then that I wasn’t letting you get away a second time.”

You shook your head.

“I had to have you, and I did. I thought it’d be enough to keep you-.

“To keep me what? All to yourself? You knew what was up when you got with me! You really think you’re some type of special, huh?”

“You talkin’ pretty bold for somebody with a gun in they face,” he said, straightening his arm out, emphasizing his point.

“What are you gonna do? Shoot me, Erik? You’re gonna kill me, because I don’t want what you’re offering?”

He shrugged, eyebrow raised at you.

“I’ve done it before… Just ask Ahmed,” he threw out.

You swallowed, looking away.

“I knew it was you,” you whispered. “I fucking knew it.”

“You’ve seen them scars on my chest, my arms, my back. What did you think they were for, the fuckin’ aesthetic? Each one is for a kill,” he confessed.

You felt sick to your stomach, unable to imagine someone killing that many people. You knew then that you weren’t dealing with some amateur. He could kill you…and get away with it.

“All of this because I don’t wanna date your ass? I think all of the combat has gotten to your fuckin’ brain, Erik. You sleep around, but-.”

“Nah. See, I haven’t slept with one bitch since you. I like what I like, and I like the best. You’re my girl, always have been. I’m the only one who gets you, how you think.”

“This has to be some sick joke,” you mumbled.

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

He reached into your purse, snatching out your deck of cards before slamming them down onto the table in front of you. You swallowed as he backed up, pointing the gun at the deck then back to you.

“Go on. Do ya lil’ thing that you do. Get your card of the day, see what fate got waitin’ on you…”

With trembling hands, you shuffled the deck twice, holding the deck face down in one hand and covering it with your other. You paused for a moment, centering yourself and fighting to give yourself some much needed clarity. You placed the cards face down in front of you before cutting the deck to the left and restacking it.

“Hurry up!”

You turned over the top card…and froze.

You stared into the face of the death card.

As a reader, you knew that more than likely, it never meant a physical death, but instead great change and transformation. However, as you looked up from the card and into the barrel of Erik’s gun, you thought to yourself that there was always a first time for everything.

“Looks like the cards done spoke, huh? If I can’t have you, nobody can,” he said.

You lifted your eyes to meet his, the darkness there freezing you in place.

“So what’s it gonna be?”

@k-michaelis @starbucksnapkin @vikkidc @drsunshine97 @sweetpeachjones @soulsparker @hidden-treasures21 @cancerianprincess @chaneajoyyy @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @bakarisangel @kimpossible1977 @raysunshine78 

[findtheloveofmylife]

Something Stupid (II)

Pairing: Roger Taylor x OC (Lily Hathaway)

Summary: He was not the type to pine or whatever you wanted to call it. It usually was the opposite, they pined for him, they wanted to be with him, which is probably why he was way out of his element with her.

Authors Note: I’m glad that people seemed to like this story! Message me if you want to ask me anything about this story or in general, I would love that. I'm pretty happy with this chapter and I hope you guys are too. I am going to post another pretty soon (like the next day, hopefully).

Part I // Part II // Part III // Part IV

—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—=—

Roger hadn’t always been like that with Lily. Overly sentimental, emotionally involved, whatever you wanted to call it. There had been a point where he could talk to her like it was nothing because back then she was nothing to him. She was just Deacy’s very endearing childhood friend.

Actually, if he wanted to be honest about it, Roger had actually really hated Lily when he first met her. All because she had accidentally scratched his car.

It had been a few weeks after John had joined the band. They were still getting used to each other, so they didn’t know a lot of John’s acquaintances. One afternoon, when they took a break from rehearsal, John had asked them if it was alright for them for his friend Lily to come over. Roger, Freddie, and Brian looked at each and agreed, seeing no harm of having someone else join them.

“Perfect. We need an outside perspective,” Freddie said. “Cause I think we sound like shit right now.”

“Now wait a minute,” Brian objected. “We don’t sound that bad. We just need to practice more.”

“Exactly, shit.”

“If we sound like shit it’s because Roger—“

“Hey, watch it,” Roger barked.

“Great,” John interrupted them before it became a full on fight, and smiled at them. “You’re going to love her. She’s really great, more than great.”

So, she’s that kind of friend, Roger thought and shared a knowing look with Brian, which didn’t go unnoticed by John.

“When I mean friend, I just mean friend,” he said flatly.

“Ignore them,” Mary spoke up from the couch, getting up and going over to them. “I for one, am excited for another girl to come here.”

“I bring girls over all the time,” Roger pointed out. Mary shot him a look which made him laugh. “Okay then, I see where you stand with them.”

They quickly resumed with their practice and Roger quickly had forgotten about John’s friend until it was the end of the practice. He had been fiddling with his drums when he heard the door open and a low, urgent voice.

“Deacy!”

Deacy? Roger lifted his head and frowned. Who the bloody hell was Deacy?

By the doorway, stood a redhead girl and was motioning wildly. For a second, Roger thought that it was to him until she saw John get up from his seat and go over to her. That must be his friend, Roger realized.

They spoke in hush tones. Roger thought John was about to introduce them to her when he glanced over his shoulder, but then he followed her outside. No one seemed to notice the stranger interaction, making Roger doubt he even saw it happen if it weren’t for John absence.

It wasn’t until minutes later that John came back with the girl in tow and finally introduced her.

“Everyone,” John called the attention of them. “This is Lily, my very good friend. Lily this is Freddie, Mary, Brian.”

“Hello, darling,” Freddie greeted her, along with the others.

“And Lily, this is Roger Taylor,” John said, emphasizing in Rogers name. He was surprised but didn’t mind. John’s friend was very attractive and there was nothing more Roger loved than an attractive girl.

“It’s so nice to meet everyone one, John has spoken very highly of each and one of you,” his friend said, in a warm voice. “I’m sorry for crashing the practice.”

“Nonsense,” Mary said, going over to Lily and dragging her towards the couch. “So, how long have you been friends with John?”

“For quite a while now,” she said, taking a seat on the couch. “We grew up in the same neighborhood but it wasn’t until we went to the university when we got closer.”

“Really? What are you studying?”

Mary continued questioning Lily, who answered her distractedly. Roger didn’t miss the glances that Lily kept giving him. He had a hard time hiding his smug smile. If John insisted that he was just friends with Lily, then he wouldn’t mind Roger take a shot.

When Mary got distracted by Freddie, Lily took that opportunity to get away from her. She cautiously approached Roger, who seemed to be deeply interested in his drumsticks that moment.

“Are you busy right now?” she asked, giving him a small smile.

“Nope, I’m free, love,” he said, giving her a charming smile.

She grimaced. “Hi. Um, well, I’m Lily as Deacy just said.”

“Deacy?” Roger frowned.

“I mean, John and you’re Roger Taylor, right?”

“Yes, that’s me,” he said, straightening up. “What can I do for you?”

“Look I know this is kinda strange but I just wanted to tell you…” she trailed off, looking a little nervous, making him smirk. Her nervousness over him made her even more attractive.

“What is it?” he asked her. “You can tell me.”

A weird look passed her face before she said rather quickly, “I really am sorry but I’m pretty sure I hit your car.”

Whatever he expected to hear from her that was not it.

“I’m sorry what?” He said a little too loudly, catching the attention of the others in the room.

“You own a red car, right?”

No. No. NO.

Not answering her, Roger abruptly stood up and raced outside, with Lily at his feet. He stopped in front of his car and for a second felt relieved when he didn’t see it wrecked. But then he took a step closer and his relief quickly was replaced by horror. His car had an ugly long scratch in its door.

“My car,” he said in disbelief.

“I am so sorry,” she said from behind him, and really did sound like she meant it. But for Roger, it didn’t matter. She had wrecked his car. He was beyond pissed.

“I’m typically not a shit driver, I promise you,” she started talking rapidly. “It’s just that a cat appeared out of nowhere and I didn’t want to run it over, because that is always disgusting, so I swerved too much to the right and then I heard a noise and when I parked I saw, well…” Her hand motioned the scratch on Rogers car and let it fall to her side. “I panicked and that is why I got Deacy to go outside and…”

“Just shut up,” he finally said. Lily immediately stopped rambling. Roger exhaled deeply, trying to control his anger, and glanced over to Lily and saw how she looked uncomfortable. “My car,” he said again.

“Can I speak now?” she asked carefully.

“Don’t have much I choice, do I?” he said rather spitefully.

That comment seemed to bother Lily because she suddenly didn’t look apologetic. “Look, I’m sorry for hitting your car but you don’t have to be rude.”

“Excuse me for not being in my best behavior. I think I have the right to be angry.”

“I—true,” she admitted reluctantly. “I would be upset too if something happened to my car. But don’t worry, I will fix this.”

“What? Are you a mechanic?”

She ignored him and walked away from him, going to her car. She came back with a pen and a scrap of paper. Scribbling quickly, she handed the paper to Roger, who despite being incredibly angry at her, was taken back by her unexpectedness.

“I don’t normally complain but why are you giving me your number?”

She sighed impatiently and went over to him, grabbing his right and slamming the paper in his palm. “When you get home, you call me and then we can change information to deal with this mess that I made.”

“Fine,” he said and was about to pull away but she refused to let go of his hand. “Now’s the time to let me go.”

“You’re not going to hold this against John, right?”

“Why would I do that?” he asked impatiently.

“I don’t know. He’s new and your car got ruined because he invited me last minute. It was all me, he had nothing to do with it so don’t be an asshole to him. Because if you are, I will make your car look even worse.”

Roger stared at her, not sure what to make out of her. She was John’s friend and didn’t want to offend him by going off at her but at the same time, she had ruined his car. He chose to focus on something that wasn’t his anger and current disbelief.

“Why are you wearing a scarf?” Roger found himself asking, finally noticing the bright blue scarf that hung around her neck. She blinked and glanced down at her scarf.

“I’m cold,” she said, looking back at him.

“It’s summer.”

“Yes, I am aware its summer. I can still be cold,” she said defensively.

“Alright,” he said, and then added, “And no, I am not going to be an asshole to John. I like him.”

“Good,” she said but sounded relieved.

Refusing to look at his car again, he sighed heavily. “Come on, let’s go back inside before you get frostbite.”

“Wanker,” she muttered under her breath.

He glared at her. “Oh, I’m sorry, was I the one that destroyed a car?”

“Destroyed?” she exclaimed loudly. “It’s a tiny scratch, don’t be a baby. I said I’m going to pay for it.”

“There are some things that once they’re broken, can’t be fixed.”

“Oh dear God, it’s a bloody car, get over it.”

“It’s my bloody car, and I will not get over it,” he snapped at her.

“You know I was kind of enough to let you know what I did. I could have chosen to pretend that it was a random person and gotten away with it. But I didn’t. I made the adult choice to tell you.”

“Congratulations,” he said sarcastically. “You’re an adult.”

“And you should try act like an adult, instead of a big baby,” she shouted at him. “You’ve been acting childish since we met.”

“You hit my car,” he yelled, pointing at it.

“I know!”

“Everything alright?”

Both of them stopped shouting and glanced back, seeing John standing by the door, looking at them wearily.

“You’ve been gone for a while and Brian thought it was best to check if Roger hadn’t murdered you, Lily.”

“Don’t think I haven’t thought about it,” Roger muttered earning a reproachful look from Lily.

“No, we’re done,” she informed John and turned around, heading back to the building. Giving one last longing look at his destroyed car, Roger went back inside. He made a point to be farthest away from Lily.

“What happened?” Brian asked curiously.

“She destroyed my car,” Roger said sullenly, glaring at the back of Lily’s head. Why did John’s friend have to come? Why was she still wearing the stupid scarf inside?

“Don’t be dramatic,” John said, joining them. “I saw the scratch, it's not bad. It can be fixed easily.“

“Oh but you don’t know Roger,” Brian said, laughing. “It doesn’t matter if they fix it, it’s been tainted for life in his mind. But, what are you going to do now?”

“I got her number,” Roger said without thinking.

John looked over him sharply.

“So, we can change information and deal with it,” Roger clarified, but smirked at John’s reaction.

“Lily has a boyfriend,” John informed him.

“You?” Roger said slowly, positive he had heard him refer Lily as a friend.

“No, not me,” John said, rolling his eyes. “Someone else, so how about you don’t try to get into her pants. I’d appreciate that.”

“Don’t worry, Deacy. I think I can keep my hands to myself with your friend,” he said dryly.

“Good, I don’t need any problems... wait, what did you just call me?” John asked, looking slightly mortified.

“Nothing... Deacy.”

“Deacy?” Brian asked in amusement.

As John tried to salvage his reputation, Roger smirked as he lit a cigarette. From the corner of his eye, he could see Lily talking again to Mary, with Freddie joining their conversation. Despite what John thought, Roger did mean his promise. Attractive or not, his interest in her died when he saw what she did to his car.

He didn’t pay much attention to Lily afterward, only when he wanted to act like a little shit to her. But other than that, the only reason he would put much thought on her was that Mary had taken a deep liking to her and started making sure she would join the band during practices and any other social events. And if Mary loved Lily, then Freddie loved Lily. And if Freddie loved someone, pretty much everyone else loved that someone.

That was how she went from a stranger to a constant background presence in his life. But that seemed to not be enough, because slowly and then all at once, Lily became the center stage in his life.

[zouchu]

92 Truths Tag

RULES: Once you have been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged..

I’ve been tagged by @bangtan-chats-and-memes​ (thank you so much !!)

LAST:

Drink: why, only the most exciting exotic unique rare drink ever    ... water

Phone call: initiated by me: my dad for permission to go to the mall / not initiated by me: my parents to check up on my sisters and i at home

Text message: i sent a screenshot of “jelly garden“ (candy crush rip-off) to my group chat with the caption “totally original / definitely not some chinese rip-off“

Song you listened to:   l o v e   s c e n a r i o   by ikon. i was obsessed with momoland’s “bboom bboom” for a while too                           Time you cried: ive teared up (because my eyes burn looking at things randomly), but the last time i let the tears fall was probably for/about Jonghyun.

HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no remotely romantic relationships here

Been cheated on: see above

Kissed someone and regretted it: you’d need to have kissed to regret kissing (no)

Lost someone special: it’s circumstantial

Been depressed: the most ive felt was extreme stress, and thats not anywhere  close to depression, so nope

Been drunk and thrown up: i can’t not according to the Law, i am an obeyer (?) of the law sometimes probably

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: ive gotten more comfortable with my friends’ friends this year, and began speaking to @allthingstaekook​ and @garekinanase97​ a lot more !!

Fallen out of love: you need to have been in it to fall out of it, haha!

Laughed until you cried: oh definitely

Met someone who changed you: friends/family  changed me while i was being made... does that make sense? they molded me more than changed me

Found out who your true friends are: for sure, hopefully (for sure)

Found out someone was talking about you: my second eldest sister probably, who tells her friends about me? for some reason? bc that makes sense to her?? somehow ????

GENERAL

How many people in Tumblr do you know in real life?: no one and i don’t mind lol (i suck at social interaction)

Do you have any pets?: nope, bc its too much of a responsibility (my parents words, paraphrased, not mine)

Do you want to change your name?: not really... never thought about it, but i don’t mind changing or not changing it

What time did you wake up this morning?: 7:28 am

What were you doing last night?: procrastinating the fUCk out of my english rant thats due on fRIdAy and im probably gonna restart aGAIn

Name something you cannot wait for: summer vacation probably

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: there was a kid named Thomas at my elementary school who did weather reports for probably 5+ years

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: MY UNABLITY TO DO WORK AND FINISH A SIMPLE ENGLISH ASSIGNMENT LIKE WHATS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT IT XIAO HOW HARD CAN IT BE (REALLY FCUKING HARD APPARENTLY)

Blood type: ive got... no idea

Nickname: i use my chinese name “xiao” here (even though no one seems to use it) bc i dont trust the internet very much yet.

Relationship status: tis i, a lonely single bean

Zodiac sign: gemini! ive never went out of my way to look at it, but when i do, i dont relate very much 

Pronouns: she/her

Favourite show: uhhhh i dont watch... shows? cartoons, maybe (phineas and ferb, spongebob, fairly odd parents). the only kdrama ive finished was the guardians, and it was pretty good.

College: nope, im practically a baby still

Hair colour: was black and always has been

Do you have a crush on someone?: ive had a crush before. rn... i not sure what i feel 

What do you like about yourself?: im pretty happy with how i turned out. i’ve only been unhappy about minor physical things. id definitely upgrade my productivity if i were to change anything.

FIRSTS

First surgery: none i can remember

First piercing: my ears when i was 3: begged my aunt to get them pierced. after one ear, i didnt want to anymore, and she ended up bribing me to get it pierced

First sport you joined: swimming? badminton? not too sure

First vacation: to china, but idk if that counts as a vacation since i stayed there for 4-5 years so

First pair of sneakers: hey, kudos to you if you can remember that, bc i cant

RIGHT NOW

Eating: just ate a snickers

Drinking: why, only the most exciting exotic unique rare drink ever    ... water

I’m about to: TRY to work on english

Listening to: my playlist shuffled to Married to the Music by SHINee -- so underrated gOD

Want kids: i wanna adopt, so when the kids have more common sense and know when to stop crying and disobeying at random times

Get married: doesnt sound too bad. i picture myself living a pretty basic life, so marriage is probably in the picture somewhere

Career: anytime an adult asks me this question to try to start a conversation... hooo boy, did you make it difficult bc i have no idea. business maybe, editor maybe... idk

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: never really thought about this... eyes?

Hugs or kisses: idk what kisses are like, and i seem to try to avoid hugs when offered soooooo ill go for the unknown: kisses

Shorter or taller: o shit ive never thought about this before. i’d like to be taller, or same height, give or take 5 cm

Older or younger: age doesnt equate their behavior. if we’re solely looking at age, give or take 2 years maybe?

Romantic or spontaneous: ooh both

Sensitive or loud: i get loud when im comfortable and passionate, so itd be nice to have a balance, and a counterpart, so.. both

Hookup or relationship: relationship. hookups would not be for me (i think waaay too much into everything)

Troublemaker or hesitant: im pretty indecisive and hesitant, so a counterpart here to urge me to be more ~adventurous~  would be nice

HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: nope

Lost contacts/glasses: i dont wear either so

Sex on first date: nope

Broken someone’s heart: not to that extent, but “rejected” (ran away)

Been arrested: nope and hopefully never

Turned someone down: in 6th grade, i ran away from/pointedly ignored 2 confessions and i feel terrible, thinking back. they were good friends, for sure, but i was am emotionally constipated and lack emotional and social intelligence

Fallen for a friend: no... maybe? fallen =/= crushed. crushed, yes

DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: most times

Miracles: i believe in chance and possibilities, so you could say i believe in miracles

Love at first sight: attraction yea, but love? of course not

 -- la fin --

i tag uh,, @allthingstaekook @4-rmv @gudetaeyeon @fightme-jungkook @yoonjih no pressure though !!

[scottpilgrimversustheworld]

I’ve just been thinking about the fact that I’m like... an okay person. I feel like my heart is in the right place and I’m doing my best to become kinder and softer every day. I let myself be vulnerable more with people that I trust and also with people that I previously wouldn’t have opened up to previously which has paved the way for more human interactions that allow us to understand each other.

I’ve come a long way from being a person that doesn’t want to see anyone, that doesn’t want to make friends because of the belief that it’ll eventually fall apart. I was in such a bad place a year ago: I didn’t have the energy for people, I was introverted to a degree that hurt me. I stuck to routine: class, work, sleep, repeat. but now I have people that invite me out every weekend, most weekdays, and love me to a degree that they trust me with information reserved for close friends. even my coworkers who, granted the friendly atmosphere of our store, have trusted me with some of the most valuable information of their lives. they invite me to movies, to housesit their homes and animals while away, invite me to bars and to personal dinners purely for fun and because they... enjoy who I am. they want me to be apart of their lives, even if our contact has been constricted to our professional lives. it just feels good to be wanted, to know that you’re perceived as a genuine and trustworthy human being who is sincerely worth having around.

ive always doubted that about myself. I spent so much of my life thinking that I wasn’t good enough for other people. that I was burdenous and unworthy the love that people tried to show me, even then. I thought people stayed with me out of obligation rather than sincere and genuine human love. I couldn’t see it because I was blinded by my own insecurities and self doubt. but now... I think it’s kind of undeniable. I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable and kind and optimistic about people’s intentions instead of being reserved, to the point, and cynical about everything that I could see, and I’ve been rewarded for it. people want to be in my life which... makes me want to cry I’m so happy. I’ve earned a place at dinner tables for people that I once thought disliked me, dog sitting for and drinking beers with coworkers that I once didn’t think once about when leaving the store for the day, people I’ve gotten high with and cried with and drank with and shared the most intimate and personal details of each others lives with, simply because I’ve... allowed myself to be loved by others. it was never that people didn’t love me, and it was never that I never loved any of them, but I just.... didn’t think I was worth it.

I’m just. Happy that I’m growing and learning still. And that I am finally realizing that it’s worth being vulnerable and openly in love with the people that I know. platonically. familialy. in every which way that you can love another person!

sorry I’m rambling I’m just. kind of having this revelation moment that I needed. My heart has been so sick for so long because I just... never have felt so genuinely in touch with how I’ve felt about myself and about what I want and need from other people. ive felt so... idk at peace with myself, more comfortable at work, more comfortable in my day to day relationships between friends and family, for the past few months. people want me and I want them, I’m excited to do things with other people, I’m excited to go dinner and explore haunted buildings and visit each other’s homes and watch movies and play video games and argue about whether or not ahegao girl clothing should be socially acceptable and make food with the people that matter to me!!!

2019 is going to be fucking awesome and I’m going to make it awesome!!!! I’m going to be a radiant shining wild ball of love that is endlessly supportive and shouting with love and wild abandon!! fuck putting up walls and isolating myself because I’m worried that people will think I’m a bad person if I open up!!! I’m going to let myself be loved and vulnerable and happy and indulgent in the friendship and warmth I’m given!!!!! I’m going to give every stranger and loved one every ounce of my sincerity and kindness!

🥰🥰🥰🥰 I WANT TO LIVE TO CONTINUE TO EXPERIENCE THE WARMTH I FEEL NOW!!