#ive got more drawings i should make for this fandom but it is a Struggle.

[stuffed-x-arts]

I think they like to play card games sometimes. Often they drag in others to supsrvise for cheating. (it won't stop them from cheating but it means they've gotta work harder to be sneaky about it and that just adds to the fun!) Cheated has a score-count for everybody. for every different game they play. him vs opportunist. him vs cold. the whole group playing. contrarian is often banned for bringing other card games to the table. he also never gets to supervise despite often asking to. Hero volunteers to supervise a lot but often doesn't catch the cheating so he's denied the role. Cheated, skeptic, opportunist and cold are the best. Broken is also surprisingly good sometimes. Even when he has the best hand he worries he'll screw it up somehow, and his downer attitude tends to convince the others he's gonna lose too. erm thats all i think

i just know these two have the potential to end up breaking into a fight over their silly card games. After cold left and the two eventually got tired of their games and went their separate ways opportunist stuck his leg out so cheated could trip over. they push each other down the stairs, maybe.

[ryemackerel]

HALLO i was wondering how you get out of art block?? your art is very expressive and i absolutely adore all your colour choices and designs. ive been having trouble with art block for a very long time now so i’m just trying to ask other artists how they get outta it <3 i hope u have a niceday yesyes

OUGHH HELLO!!! holy crap, art block is the WORST. everytime i encounter it, its always hard to beat it D: theres days where i feel like i WANT to draw something so badly but my brain just. cant function

i dont have a definitive solution for art block, but whenever i do, i have a few ways to cope with it. sometimes they work, sometimes they dont? but whenever the time comes and im just sitting at a brick wall, i got some survival tips

1. come up with random silly ideas,, it could be anything: random words, phrases, scenarios. they can be as nonsensical as you want them to be. during art blocks, my mind is completely dry with ideas, so i always try to compile a list of ideas from the past so i can come back to them later on. i try to come up with random duos or something as simple as “mcdonalds date”. i might not work on these now, but maybe some random lil word can spark that creativity in me

heres my art ideas list… i have some ideas that are like 8 months old in there BGAHSGA, but i save em there till i feel like working on them

2. STRUGGLE DOODLES!! i like to make a bunch of doodles of random scenes that i think about in my head. doodle practically anything. your favorite person, favorite animal, something you see outside your window, frogs?

heres a few of mine. most of the time, i NEVER get to finishing them. however, during art blocks sometimes i like to go back to really old, incomplete guidelines and add some new, random addition to it. sometimes i forget what my sketches were exactly meant to be? and i guess thats the fun about interpreting stuff and giving things a new spin to them. during art blocks, i HATE trying to come up with new drawings from a blank canvas (since i dont even have any ideas to begin with). but working on old wips, or completely revising them? sometimes these can be super fun :]

[and bonus tip!! and this is like, a golden tip that everyone loves: going back to super old drawings and redrawing them!! its my favorite. i absolutely love seeing the improvement ive made over the years. its also pretty easy to work with since you dont have to stress about coming up with completely new ideas from a blank slate! GAHH i should do that more often.]

3. search up your favorite fanart, go on pinterest, anything. i love this one.

search up some really cool photos of outfits, aesthetic backgrounds?? i find myself searching up a lot of fanart of fandoms im in, any word with “aesthetic” at the end, casino aesthetic, anything! pinterest has always been my go-to platform to find ideas. i go on the app and not even a second in, im blown with all of this cool art n character designs. i have a problem saving almost everything i find into my boards, but at least i saved a chock-full of ideas i can work with. :)

a thing about me: ive never been the type to try and force my art block out. whenever im facing a block, its extremely difficult for me to come up with things on my own. sometimes i let it wait for a while, but that tends to take a REALLY long time. D: if i dont feel like drawing, or doodling, or really doing anything? i always like scrolling through really pretty photos. that tends to spark a small idea in me i can work with, and sometimes i manage to get out of art block from there. it starts out small, then over time it gets even better.

these photos especially gave me WAY more motivation than i ever had to draw wilbur during an art block moment. i started off making small random doodles of him in a neon city and over time it kinda turned into a fixation for neon cities. i LOVE imagining characters in random photos i find on pinterest.

wishing you the bestest in your art journey!! this crap’s tough but i know you can break it yo. thank you so much for the ask!

feel free to reblog and add your own ideas below :] i was only able to come up with a few, but if youd like to add on, go right ahead! /noforce

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

a note on my commissions ~

so fun fact i hate making posts like this but i kinda have to. so.

over the last few months i have felt like Garbage. i have been chronically tired and exhausted. its been taking a very serious toll on me mentally (or the other way around? cant tell); i can be perfectly fine one minute and within the next hour i can barely communicate with or tolerate anyone else. my ocd has been impacting my daily life much more than usual to the point that has made functioning inside and outside of my home an immense struggle. it has taken up much of my mental space and makes focusing incredibly difficult. i believe this is also what has led me to stop drawing, stop enjoying drawing, and writing, too

i recently had a family emergency that required my full attention, and it made me realize just how exhausted i really am. it put me out of commission way more than it should have and it has been a nightmare catching up again. it's hard to tell if i am trying to get back at it too soon, or if there truly is something wrong, but it has made me realize that im pushing myself more than i need to

commissions have been a serious part of the stress ive been trying to ignore. im not great at "being chill," especially during an emergency, so instead of putting it on the backburner and separating my responsibilities, it all goes into one pot and boils over. with this said, i have a lot of changes coming in the next few months of this semester that will required my attention as well

so, for the next few months, ill be closing my commissions. of course i will honor current commissions--though they may take longer than normal--and event hosts please feel free to reach out to me in that time! theres always a chance ill be up to one or two, but, for now, its something i need to take off my plate as a full time responsibility

i dont tend to like these types of posts because i enjoy keeping my fandom life strictly for fandom, and i hate being perceived, but this has also been a way for me to admit these struggles to myself, which i hope will prove to be somewhat freeing

its hard to tell if i will be on less or more than normal. my characters have always been a place of creativity and escapism for me, but i also tend to use it as a distraction from my problems, which just leads to nothing getting done, which turns into more stress, and therefore more problems. i still of course will be around and be posting regularly, but it's hard to tell exactly how im going to go about all of this

thanks for reading if you got this far and i hope to be back to my regular art and fic posting soon (with the hope that im able to regain my time, energy, and love for those mediums)

[alicenpai]

🌟

anime north 2023 con report

finally posting this - thank you to everyone for a wonderful anime north!! \o/ this con prep season was the longest ive ever prepped for a con, and i think it was the busiest con for me ever. it makes me so happy to see people taking my art home!! 😭

so thank you for coming by anime north and chatting and supporting me! and thank you esp to the people who came by gifting their own merch?!??? - either fanart or ocs?! and im honored to see your beautiful ocs?!?? what the hell you guys are the GOAT thank you all 🥹🥹

it was so busy that i wish i had time to walk around & talk to other artists! i really wanted to get dango and onigiri at the delta too.. didnt really get time to eat so im sorry if you saw me shove 10 timbits in my mouth at the end of the con. yes i really did that .

throughout the con i kept saying "he just like me.. HE JUST LIKE ME FR!!!!!!!" every 5 seconds like an NPC. im sorry if you had to hear that more than once.

---

i wasn't able to post my con catalogue for AN on tumblr and instagram... i was so busy.. dying... maybe if i do other cons this summer ill post something similar. i had a lot of new stuff this year so formatting it was rough haha. here it is! more thoughts under the cut (bc this report really is more for me, but maybe someone can find something useful)

---

this is more for me honestly, so it will be really long. but i'm sharing it in case it may be helpful for others. i find that i'm always looking back at my old con reports, so typing out all of my thoughts are really useful to me. overall a great con, fellow artists and customers alike really inspire me to do better in my art.

comparisons to last year: (since i didn't end up making a con report last year!!!!!)

location: the artist alley layout was huge, and im really happy there are a lot more newcomers to the con scene. i know how much my first con experience meant to me, so i want others to join in on the fun! i don't know how the artist alley staff managed to fit so many artists in the building now! we got placed in a corner where there was a lot of breathing room, and a lot of traffic. i got lost a few times (didn't actually have time to walk around, but you know, it was to get in and out of the con centre and to the washroom/water station) because the amount of tables was overwhelming however, and the layout was super confusing. however i didn't feel as if there were any significant bottlenecks in traffic when i was taking some walk breaks.

commissions: last year it was still busy, but i still had some time to draw a handful of commissions. this year was a non stop barrage of customers! i think i may retire on the spot commissions at cons, just because ive always found it too stressful to draw right at the con, even if the traffic is slow. (and im lazy)

fandoms: last year i felt that it was... never so difficult to sell niche and old fandoms...? most people bought primarily 3 things from me at AN 2022, and not much else was touched. it was a struggle, and i even wondered if my art plateaued, if it wasn't good, if i should stop doing conventions altogether, at least for a little while. this year was so surprising with how much love there was for old and niche fandoms. two people from quebec came by and noticed the old fandoms and mentioned that if i was able to come to otakuthon, i should, people in mtl love nostalgia.. i'm gonna be honest otakuthon was pretty bad expenses-wise for me, but i heard it picked up since cons came back in 2022. it is a really beautiful city so mayhaps.. i will come for miss montreal.................

---

and a separate section on the new merch i made:

the new sticker sheets i printed (one piece, baccano, breaking bad/better call saul) did so well! nts to add luffys scar bc apparently i forgot... ive seen this dumbass's face for hundreds of eps and yet i still forgot .

these are a far cry to the sticker sheets i designed in previous years. many sticker places restrict you on how many stickers you can place on a sheet due to spacing requirements... the more stickers you have + the closer they are, the higher the margin of error, which i understand is why many professional sticker printers have these restrictions in place.

the artists i worked with for my AN stickers are so genuinely nice and accommodating with my requests. I just went wild haha. the sheets with the most stickers are brba/bcs at 27 stickers and one piece at 32 stickers.

2021 (top) vs 2023 (bottom), the chara stickers on the new sheet are larger & 2x as many item stickers! the new design makes greater use of the space. my octopath 1 stickers are meant for planners but you could use it for anything!

in 2017 i could only realistically fit 6 ish stickers on a sheet (for vinyl, not cricut home printing) due to printing restrictions. these costed about $3.30 CAD per sheet from s/ticker/mule (not worth it for the price point AT ALL... but i wanted to try sheets for the first time)... and yes it's a tiny 4x7 as well. it was a hard sell for $7 in 2017. but im glad artists have been pricing them a bit higher + sheets have become much more customizable.

now on to charms:

i am so obsessed with this borderless charm look on the new charms... they look like candy... thank you guys for loving my new charms!! i tried out a new technique with designing charms. and im so happy with how they turned out. the charm manu was super accommodating and they are so much better than vograce who fucked up my order so bad in 2022 🤡👍

the soul eater charms from last year were kind of a precursor to this. last year i tried something a bit different than my usual with the transparent bgs, which require full bleed in the file setup, and that was already pretty new for me. i find that charm sales are usually pretty mid for me, so during the pandemic i took a soft break from making them, and i wanted to do research based on others' designs and really tried to improve my design sense. to me i want to design charms that aren't just a flat piece of artwork that gets printed, but something that utilizes the capabilities of the acrylic material it gets printed on 🤔

---

fandoms/merch types i want to try next time i table:

more soul eater? it's one of my favourite animes and im very happy for the soul eater love this year. my partner kept selling out of her soul eater prints even though it was her first time tabling!

fma! ive been rereading AND rewatching it lately. it's one of my top 5 anime of all time so me drawing anything for it is a struggle, the bar is set so high. i never end up having the time or ideas to draw anything for it (and the aesthetics are very different from my usual taste)

shadows house has been one of my favorites recently!

dungeon meshi, the print i made was back in 2018 and i think it's time to retire it! it sold out at AN, thank you! with the way the story has developed in the last 5 years, i really want to draw something new for it if i can.

blue period needs more love!

golden kamuy.....

and many more.....

i also want to try mini prints maybe...

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administrative stuff:

next time before the con, i definitely need an organized chart i print out before the con so im not.. literally writing down each transaction... 🧍‍♀️

clamps...?

possibly new display? grids even with plastic panels are heavy... and they can be a pain to put up. this AN we had our neighbors and good friends @nappotuna & @stripeyworm helping us put the grids up, they did an absolute speedy banger job! but it might have taken way longer without 4 hands on the grid work.

if we had used tape to hold our prints up as well who knows how long it would have taken. we used magnets, apparently a lot of people were using them at TCAF. they were so easy to put up and adjustable. *jesse pinkman voice* MAGNETS, BITCH!!!!!!!

---

merch i may shelve/do less of:

i really appreciate when artists talk about these kind of things behind the scenes... when products do well, when others dont, products w surprising responses, the factors that we think affect sales... the hard truth is that not everything sells, just bc the art is good =/= good sales, etc etc.

lately ive found it so fun to design sticker sheets over individual die cut stickers!! i understand now why some people only specialize in stickers!! it's also such a pain to stock individual characters and have greatly varying levels, bc of customer interest, and bc of how printing stickers works, you often get extras of random characters due to overflow 😭.. like at some point I had 7 jeannes and like only 1 of the other vnc charas bc the printer had so many extras and she's arguably less popular HDHFJSJHDJS anyways, i think i'll probably do less die cut individual stickers for my next con...

anything old that i only have 1 or a few copies left (meaning i won't reprint) i may not have for display anymore bc of space concerns... before my next con ill just post them on social media to have people claim them!

i may want to do less 3" charms in the future...? theyre a hard sell online prob bc i cant really do deals (i could but id have to be checking the stock every few hours which is not ideal), but they do a lot better in person due to deals.

it's been fun to try specialty products (I've tried scrunchies, stamps, pouches, microfiber cloths, coasters, enamel pins), but i... find they dont sell well for me... maybe my art doesnt have that wide mainstream nostalgic merch type appeal idk... maybe im just not good at designing or advertising them wahahaha. (specialty charms are still charms and i wouldn't necessary consider them a part of this)

my jojo buttons were really popular at anime north 2019 and fan expo 2019, but when the part 5 anime concluded, i noticed that interest for the interest completely moved on 😭 (or it's possible that everyone who was interested bought the buttons already?). part 6 anime didn't rejuvenate the same level of interest. it was a struggle to sell even more than a handful of these at each AN 2022 and 2023. right now they're taking up a lot of space in my con luggage that i'd prefer for newer, better art. i still love the art i did, but unfortunately, i think ill give them a go if i get into otakuthon (and maybe fanexpo too), then it'll be time to retire the jojo buttons. sometimes fandoms come and go so fast, and it's difficult to keep old merch around when they don't have any more interest and when they're occupying a lot of space.

my banana fish lollipop charms do not sell well, and i only sold 5 of them in a 3 year period, across cons and my shop. i created a bargain bin at AN, and it really helped me get rid of old things! unfortunately even in the bargain bin i could not sell a single one of the banana fish charms. maybe it's the art that's not appealing, the characters aren't recognizable, the price point for a lollipop charm was too high, i wasn't hitting the right audience, the market was slow around the time, even when it was included in my promo post... etc. these lollipops were my first time making specialty charms. unfortunately i think that's the last time making lollipop charms, and about time to recycle these charms, so that i have space for fresher and better art!

other thoughts moving on:

maybe go back to simplifying my art a lot more... if i keep making drawings like my great ace attorney tarot + zine, witch hat atelier print, and pandora hearts print, then id not only take 1 month per illustration, id also be destroying my arm 😭 i stopped stylizing my art in 2021 bc i found that my art was getting sloppy in 2020 + i was really struggling in life drawing in school. i needed to buckle down and be more conscientious when drawing poses, learning anatomy and structure... and bc getting back into anime in 2021 really helped me cope with the isolation of the lockdown, so that had a huge influence on my style. but bc of that i think it just took longer and longer to make illustrations and that's something i no longer really wish for.

i really like the period of my art in 2017 with a lot of my persona 4/5 art bc it still has structure even though it's simplified... and the style in my zelda icon... mayhaps experiment a bit more this summer if i can...

[spicyraeman]

Well interacting with you makes my week too! **aggressive friendly fist bump**

I hope your holidays are going well 😁

Wolfheart is ending me. Can I pet that dawg? CAN I PET THAT DAWG? (https://vt.tiktok.com/ZGeN9U7kG/)

I love seeing the hairy SH art! PCOS / trans / wolf girlie, I stan all versions I see. We're not cowards here! The new band drawings are fire, still making my heartrate go jglcbxlw. And seeing the growth? Honestly it's magic to me, I think it's perfect then it becomes even more perfect and I'm just how?? How possible?

Veteran'zel, Baby'zel, Beam'zel, Horny'zel, Rat'zel, all I do is love'zel! The cheetah/dog doodle + wet rat'zel made me hiccup from laughter, we were blessed.

Buddy, Karlach's got her tail docked like the gith children, that's why! See, problem fixed **insert Flex Tape meme**

Also for Lae'zel's accent : yes, she would have such a harsh accent! As a foreign speaker, the pronunciation isn't always intuitive and is sometimes paradoxal. She probably never used some sounds, and it's hard to guess a lot of them. It's so inconsistent. I lack air in the middle of my sentences because of the tonal accentuations differences. Languages are crazy man. Lae'zel would have a stroke, struggling to say "library" with Gale correcting her.

I've been upgraded to bestie? Careful, I feel like the most specialest goblin in town now 😎

I also wanted to share with you my recent victory : I passed my exams with unexpectedly high grades! It's been 10 years since I succeeded in anything school related, I feel strangely proud and hopeful. I attribute this partly to the intense hyperfixation for BG3. I can come back to this fandom and get comfort when I feel burned out and in need of motivation. Thank you for being part of it and sharing your blorbos with us. Good soup for our cold starving souls. So yeah, you and your art matter even if you find it bleh sometimes and you doubt yourself.

I wanted to be brief but I'm incapable of shortening shit even if my life depended on it. Violently dumping my brain in your ask like I'm late on garbage collecting day. Sorry not sorry for the awkward emotional stuff. Take care of yourself, bestie ✌️

🫀🚑

Sry for answering these “backwards”, I just needed to get the conlang stuff out first before all my good braincells shut down lol

hope the holidays are going well on your end as well :]

To pet a werewolf truly is the dream isn’t it, wereshart is prob my fav hc for her it just fits so well. I've been trying really hard lately to figure out how to draw her recently bc despite the art disparity her and lae’zel are neck in neck at being my fav characters. Seeing the growth in the bass drawing really gave me that boost of confidence that I'm at least slightly getting there lol

I truly do love Lae’zel in every form, but wet rat’zel rotates in my mind more than it should, sadly its not a hc I could ever commit to considering I can’t even remember Karlach’s canon tail lmaoo I really should just hc that karlach got her tail docked at this point, that or I need to make a checklist for her so I can go through and make sure ive got all her bits when I draw her

Also Ive already posted my big rambling mess about Gith accents but yeah harsh accent lae'zel best lae'zel, it just makes sense

But yoooo big gratz on the exams! Def something to be proud of!! I can agree this fandom really is a huge motivator, I haven’t had this much drive to do anything I've been doing recently in years. Glad I could help provide a lil comfort spot full of blorbo soup for the soul lol

Dw about shortening shit as you’ve prob seen i’m prone to rambling and also every emotion I experience is awkward so that's just par for the course here.

Hope life treats you well till the next ask, peace ✌️

[ineffablyendless]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you'd like to know better!

Tagged by @munsonsbabygirlie , thank u Chromie! Last year, technically, that i keep forgetting to do but this feels like a nice way to start the New Year!

Book Im currently reading:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman! I'm trying to get a bit more into reading this year, but its been a hot minute and im crawling by slower than I expected. That being said I've got a whole list waiting for me, and I'm incredibly enjoying AG so far <3

What I usually wear:

Blue, if I'm being honest. Its not my actual favourite colour, but it's my comfort one. I can't reliably say jeans even: ive really grown into a good pair of slacks. Tho i suppose if youre trying to imagine me, think blue jeans, a battered second hand pair of yellowing high tops, a white tshirt and an old plaid shirt, and ive been told i wear my hijab a very recognizable way 😭 also blue

How tall I am:

157 cm last i checked, 5 feet exactly in american measurements i think...?

My star sign. Do I know any celebrities or historical event that shares it:

Im a libra! Im sure plenty of people got born and big events happened in the first half of October, but nothing comes to mind immediately. I suppose i dont care enough to remember, lol

Do I go by a name or nickname:

Nickname. I go by Choice in all cyberspaces. It's a name that endeared itself to me many years ago, its nothing close to my actual name, and I enjoy the broad line of separation between my lives on and offline. Irl tho, i usually dont go by a nickname, at least nothing used by anyone outside family, and thats even MORE closely guarded. So.

Did I grow up to be what I wanted to be as a child:

I was an angry, suicidal, incredibly hurt child, and I had no true ambition besides finding joy and holding on to it with both hands. I wanted to be content and left alone, most of all. I wanted to be happy.

I'm a lot happier now. It's an uphill battle. Baby me would be glad to see where I am now tho i think. I hope

Something I'm good at vs Something I'm bad at:

I am. Very good at speaking. I take pride in this, many have told me I have the innate talent with words and the know how to lead a team and control a room. I know how to get myself listened. On paper, I know what I want said. Many things. Words are a power I wield well.

Vs

I am, sincerely, not very good at empathy, nor sympathy. I struggle to look outside my periphery, to crawl outside my own head and pop my own bubble. I have come across as-not cold, but callous, cruel, a little uncaring. I feel less remorse for this than I should, I think. I try, but thats not enough sometimes. I sincerely do not care of other opinions and perspectives as default. I like to think im better at it now. I'm aware of it. But its still a problem

If I draw or write, what's my favourite of anything I created this year?

Im taking that to mean 2022. I guess this line from my fic A Cosmic Kiss?

Millenia ago, a comet had come to strike down the surface of the earth like a Holy hand clearing a table, and decimated all that had ever existed, and it had been the end of things. It had been the beginning. It had moved with the leisure of treacle towards its purpose in the indifferent void, but close, close, pulled into the orbit of the earth with speed to singe the atoms of air. Creation, by the guide of Destruction. Life, then Death, then Life again. Such was the way of things. Fires that last are the ones that waited. Paradoxes; sudden, and not. 

Such was their way.

It was the first thing that struck me to write the one shot, the one partially inspired by Puppet History, and would be the ongoing theme of the fic. Its quite good, i have to admit. Im glad the fic went over well.

Dogs or cats:

Cats. Nothing against a sweet puppy, but I prefer the chill leisure of your everyday feline thank you very much.

Something I would like to make content for:

All my fandoms. All of it. I write less than I honestly should; Sandman and Watcher and Good Omens and OFMD

Something I was excited about that turned out to dissappoint me:

*blinks* Oh God, i cant think of anything. Theres that book carnival, but it was a surprise, and it exceeded my poor memory and expectations, even if I didnt find what i was looking for. Hmm. If anything dissapointed me, it doesnt come to mind.

Hidden talent:

I have no idea ❤

Something I wish to have at this very moment:

A bite of chocolate. Maybe a cookie. But I'm broke enough to keep an eye out for the bank account and i cant afford such luxuries. Im even out of cocoa. Sigh.

Tagging @freddykicksasses @ennas-aesthetic @wannabecoyote @waistcoat35 @youre-platinum-pussycat

[arsen1cs4ng0]

ughhhhhhhhhh a lot has been on my mind recently, im sorry im bringing up chip stuff that people just wanna forget, but. idk. i just need to talk. i really doubt anyone will actually see this but hey, its my blog, i'll ramble on about what i want lol

tw for suicidal thoughts in the "keep reading" bit below

back in february i made a post "calling out" gremlin + her friends as well as a little goodbye note to the fandom. recently ive been thinking about stuff more, wondering if maybe i should make a return and try to get my love for vosim back, but remembered just how much damage the fandom (more specifically, gremlin + her friends) did to me, my friends, yknow. everytime i thought about returning i'd remind myself i'd never go back. you gotta think: for months and months i was out there spending most of my time and energy defending my friends, trying to show people just how bad those people were, and after realising that nobody would ever believe me, i gave up. all of the chip shit i was dealing with really didnt help the fact i was battling depression + suicidal thoughts alongside all of that.

but, i dont know. recently ive just been craving the good times back despite it all, i want to relive the times where i'd stim seeing my friends' posts (especially the vosim art...,,,) and songs (one of the songs that made me stim like mad literally got me into sodikken months later lmao my hyperfixes are weird like that), i want to relive seeing the chip accounts interacting with eachother, in fact i was here wishing i joined the fandom properly a lot earlier because i really didnt want the good times to end.....

the fandom was my safespace for me. as much as certain people think im some "popular highschool bully who never grew up" (yes gremlin, i saw what you said about us, im not fucking dumb), i was being bullied really badly in secondary school, i was dealing with a really nasty breakup, my mental health was spiralling downwards really fast, i was dealing with people who i thought were my friends... you get the picture. with the fandom i was able to escape from all of that. and i'd escape by drawing vosim, usually creepy, pissed off or numb. it was stress relieving, it brought me so much happiness doing that!! then june 2022 came and it all went to shit since then. ha.

it hurts a lot. it really does. ive just been really empty since everything. i really don't know what to do or how i can move on from this once and for all. this was shit i was meant to move on from months ago, but it seems i cant even do that.

to my chip friends whove been here since the start: ive said this a thousand times + i will say it again: thank you. thank you so much for sticking around despite me struggling and moaning about all of this shit for months on end. in fact thank you for everything. words cant describe how grateful i am to have met y'all and i genuinely dont know where i'd be without y'all ;___;

ramble over i think.

[spikeinthepunch]

i dont intend to say this like im putting myself down but when im burnt out or in an extended art block i do often look to what i have done in the past- maybe as a "was i doing something back then that i miss doing now?"

my art has shifted a lot over the years. im sure anyone whos followed for a long time would say so. ive gone through phases and styles and vibes of many kinds and theyre all very different. and theyre all times that sometimes i look back and think "maybe i should do that again". of course i need to avoid getting overwhelmed with the "i want to do this- no this- maybe that-".

But the hardest "change" in my art was probably a year ago when all that stuff happened with wcrp. which i wont reiterate- but it was forced. that was the big thing. and i think its whats hurt now that i have this burn out settling and i am looking at old art. I did hit a burn out last year after wcrp when i quickly dove into other fandoms like half life- i did what i often did, where i overexerted myself from hype and quickly burned out. but then i picked up mcyt which has been going strong for a year after leaving it for many years back.

when i look at whats changed about my art from then to now, i notice one big things, which i felt was obvious (and i deliberately did this)- i was going into that fandom simple. first it was a lot of lineart, no color. then i started adding some one flat color to bodies and sometimes minor effects done with the help of gradient maps. then i started using thicker brushes where i could, knocking out the need for clean details. then i started using the binary pen. i had a few detailed drawings in between but really so much of what i have done has been so simple.

and as i said, i did this on purpose. i got into this right after half life and i knew i was burnt out but i really wanted to draw anyways, so my plan was to do it like that! i wasnt very good with humans either so i didnt want to focus too hard on it anyways. and i certainly have liked this method. i enjoyed finding a way to draw that IS simple and doesnt put a lot of strain on me... it helps me no longer be a perfectionist as much as i used to

but at the same time its taken away some aspects that i liked about my art from 2020-early 2022. which was that i was so much more detailed than ever. my warriors art was very detailed, the designs were intricate, i drew a number of scenes just for the rps i loved, etc. i experimented quite a bit with coloring and shading and i still love a number of looks i tried, and i keep wanting that back. (ex 1, ex 2, ex 3)

interestingly i actually started to simplify that style too, esp as i got deeper into my own rp, and i know full well it was because i was also getting tired. used a lasso tool for markings, used less layers, dropped the texture and using a thin pen brush to make sketchier lines. (from this -> to this)

THE problem with these notes about simplifying stuff is that like. i rush things. i rush them SO much. and this has always been my biggest struggle, and what leads to annoyance with my current art and also to burn out. Burn out, caused by how much i am drawing, because im fast. drawing fast because i want to make content for the fandom i am focused on. art block because im not happy with my art, but im also too impatient to slow down and take my time and REALLY remember and realize what it is i want out of my art!

its a never ending cycle and sorry we're at the end of the post because i dont have a solution lol

[sleepingdeath-light]

Thanks for the quick reply, hun. I’m pretty excited! I’m so happy that you’ll accept my request for my birthday, it means a lot to me!

Okie, I’ll try to make this short and sweet! I’m pretty talkative and tend to get carried away with what I write—

I am non-binary and also Biromantic. I use she/they pronouns!

I’m monogamous! Only one person at a time.

My chosen fandoms are Cookie Run, My Hero Academia, and Hetalia! I’m secretly excited for the Hetalia match ups, it’s my favorite anime. ❤️

Let’s see.. four things my partner should have are:

A LOT of patience. I’m a very impatient and stubborn lad, I need someone who’s patient with me.

LOYAL. PLEASE. Ive got major trust issues, so I’d like a partner that I KNOW I can trust.

Someone fun to be around! Someone that loves to be a lil’ goofball all the time but gets serious when they need to be (Like Mirio)!

I have SEVERE body image issues.. a partner who constantly reminded me that they love me no matter how I look is definitely a must have for me.

There’s not much I wouldn’t want in a partner, I’m pretty open to different personalities, but two that I wanna point out are:

Short tempered people. They are the worst. I should know, I AM short tempered.

I’m often misunderstood because of my ADHD (often VERY irritable, mood swings, short attention span, etc.) and I’m terrified of having a partner that would disregard that completely. Someone open-minded who will take their time to understand me would be nice!

Four main aspects of my personality:

I want to have friends and yet I’m a massive introvert. I want to make friends but the moment I try to talk to someone, I freeze up.

I like being able to watch out for other people. I’m like the mother of the group 😄

I’d like to think I’m creative! Mainly in arts and crafts, though. Everything else? Meh.

I worry about EVERYTHING. I’m the type of person that thinks that “whatever can go wrong will go wrong” so I’m constantly worried about the smallest things.

Two things I love to do are drawing and writing! Two things I hate are heated arguments with others (I get nervous when things get loud) and messy rooms. Seriously, I spend a solid hour everyday cleaning up my room in the morning 😭 I just can’t stand it being messy.

SUPER SORRY for writing the whole Declaration of Independence here, love— I just wanted to be as detailed as possible so you could have a more accurate idea of what I’m looking for. ^^ Thanks again for accepting my request! You’ve made my birthday a good one! ❤️

birthday match-up | cookie run, hetalia & my hero academia

happy birthday!

note : characterisation may be slightly off here because i haven’t watched hetalia or mha in a while, so apologies if that was at all the case (i also had to rewrite the entire thing because my tumblr app reset mid way through the hetalia section - sorry!!)

i matched you with…

Cookie Run

-> pure vanilla cookie

endlessly patient, empathetic and protective of those he’s close to, p.v would be the perfect partner when it comes to avoiding misunderstandings and offering any and all reassurances you may need in the moment. he’s unconditionally supportive of your passions and adores your creativity and he’s far from the type of person to stray from your relationship or get into any heated disagreement with you. p.v also appears to be incredibly put-together, so you wouldn’t have to worry about messy rooms with him. his reputation and endless patience would also mean that he’d be more than willing and capable of helping you with making friends and the surrounding struggle.

Hetalia

-> canada / matthew williams

although his prominent introversion would mean that he’d struggle with helping you make friends out of those you’ve each made independently, it would allow him to more deeply and genuinely understand you and your struggles in that regard - minimising the risk of you being misunderstood or being dragged into anything resembling a heated argument. he’s immensely loyal and patient with you and would be your cheerleader from the sidelines as you pursue your interests - offering plentiful assurances about your looks, personality and anything else that’s worrying you along the way. that being said, the goofier aspects of his personality would be quite solidly reserved for when the two of you are alone.

My Hero Academia

-> uraraka ochako

ochako is an incredibly friendly and positive person by nature, so you can guarantee that she’ll offer you endless support and reassurance when it comes to your passions, goals and her feelings for you. she’ll help you branch out and make friends without complaint and she’ll keep note of your concerns by avoiding raising her voice around you where possible and making great efforts to prevent any misunderstandings from occurring. another method she’ll employ to help you is by allowing you to work through the worries you have and helping you rationalise them without minimising or dismissing the concerns you have - and just generally supporting you in anyway you need her to. she’s also just an incredibly fun person to be around who’s not afraid to laugh and make others laugh.

[ad1thi]

underrated stevetony fics rec list (P1)

i feel like a lot of really good stevetony fics get swept under the rug because this is such a big fandom and sometimes people miss out on quality content?? so this is a rec list of some of the stevetony fics i feel like everybody should have read/ be reading

Edit (31.12.2020): this got very long (i had almost 50 fics on my list, so ive decided to split this list into two parts. part 2 will be out soon!!)

Edit (20.02.2021): part 2 is out now!!

//

picture me in the trees: @ifmywishescametrue

Tony and Steve were childhood friends that almost became more, but Tony moved and they lost their chance. Thirteen years later, a chance meeting brings Tony back into Steve's life.

Free: @iwanttopizzamanyou

"Steve reads, and the words dance in front of his eyes, because while this used to be his dream, what he wanted, all he can think about is how this Hell will soon become his full time life."

Steve discovers fame, with fans waiting for him in the lobby and girls passing him their numbers after the shows. It used to be what he wanted, he supposes. Except his future managers keep asking more and more from him, and he's not sure his old life will survive. Tony is ready to help, and compromise, but Steve maybe isn't anymore.

making it work: @/ironarm 

“Just tell him you don’t want to see him anymore,” Clint replies, finishing the end of his burger and starting to crumple up the wrapper, “It’s not like you love him or anything.”

“Clint, if I thought I could get rid of him about a week ago, I would have. But for some fucked up reason, I can’t lie to him. It’s like, I see those baby blue eyes, and bam. Whatever barrier that I built up from childhood trauma is gone.”

Clint chokes on the last piece of his burger, almost resisting the urge to smack Tony on the side of his head.

Tony was a fucking idiot.

Boys Like Us: @naferty

The video had been a mistake. One of the biggest mistakes he had ever done in his life, and considering Tony Stark had done a bunch of shit in his younger years, and even older years, that was saying something.

It was just that none of those things were as embarrassing as that video.

He blamed Clint for everything

Stained Fingertips: @thesoundofnat

“I don’t really believe in magic,” he said, clearing his throat. “But I’m almost certain you’re a goddamn wizard, Steve Rogers.”

Steve would remember those words for the rest of his life.

(Or, Steve is maybe slightly obsessed with drawing Tony. Not that Tony minds.)

Inhale, Ex-Sail: @summerpipedream

"Rich pirates decked out in top-of-the-line black market gear,” grumbled Tony, ”why don’t I have the budget to make those again?’

Rhodey inched back so that he and Tony were back-to-back. “We’re apparently law abiding citizens now, which means having to pay taxes.”

Tony scowled. “Urg, right. Remind me why I wanted to do that again?”

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “What was it you called him last time? Your sweet tart? Your apple pie in the sky? The wind beneath your wings? Hopefully he’ll fly here fast enough so we don’t get killed. Or worse, mugged.”

Tony Stark Bingo K1 - AU: Steampunk

As Constant As A Star: @atsadi

The Swan Princess AU

As young children, Prince Anthony and Princess Natasha of neighboring Midgardian kingdoms are betrothed, and spend their summers together every year until they are wed. Tony adores his headstrong friend Nat: it’s her scowly little companion Steve he’s not thrilled about at first. But soon Steve goes from being a thorn in Tony’s side to being his dearest friend – and much, much more than that. Despite Steve feeling the same way about Tony, the pair still dance around each other for years as Steve struggles to accept his feelings for another man: especially one already betrothed to another. Not to mention that Tony is a prince, and Steve is nothing but a squire.

But before they can make peace, Tony is kidnapped and dragged into the beginnings of another conflict in the nearby magical kingdom of Asgard – he really hates magic. With his potential usefulness diminishing by the day, Tony races to escape even as Steve, Natasha, and their friends race to find him and bring him home.

And—just to make matters worse—Tony has been trapped by a powerful spell and turned into a swan, of all creatures. He really, really hates magic.

Always Yours: @hollyjollyhope

Getting kidnapped is normal for them, at this point. But there's nothing normal about this.

And suddenly, Tony has a choice to make.

Oxeye Daisy (patience): @s-horne

“You make me want things I can’t have.”

Steve startled at the voice from behind him and turned around to see Tony standing in the kitchen doorway. He stared straight at Tony for a long moment. The room was quiet, time stretching out in a thick and uncomfortable silence as neither man dare to move nor opened his mouth to speak first.

White Clover (a promise): @s-horne

“Hey, sweetheart.”

Tony lifted his head as he tried to focus on Steve’s voice. When he managed to open his eyes and blink a bit of the blurriness away, he was rewarded with a gentle smile being shone down at him.

“There you are,” Steve said. “Was worried I was going to have to talk to myself.”

Though his tone was light, Tony knew what he meant. It was no secret that Tony was physically weaker and a hell of a lot more human than Steve was and was therefore struggling more with the lack of regular nourishment that came with being held hostage.

“Course not,” Tony said back, voice hoarse but plastering a smile on his face all the same. His head was pounding and his eyes couldn't stay open. “Would I ever do that to you? You’d never get a sensible answer.”

Acta non verba: @firebrands

unapologetic fluff about two idiots who can barely keep it together with how hard they're crushing on each other

or:

tony has to help steve with math + a halloween party = a good time for everyone, eventually

you take me higher than the rest (everybody else is second best): @firebrands

tumblr fill for adi & anthonydarling, who asked for "'Prank' war, but the kind to see who can make the other blush the most in public" from this prompt list

Adjacent, Against, Upon: @firebrands

A political AU!

Steve Rogers is running as the Mayor of somewhere, America. Tony Stark, his campaign manager, deals with a candidate who isn’t interested in lying, and just wants to do good by these citizens, god damn it.

song of unrest: @omg-just-peachy

How was Steve supposed to reconcile all of this? The way he looked so different but still felt so much the same? It made Steve’s head spin. He knows he shouldn’t care so much, that he is what he is, but he just wants to know.

Paint The Town Blue: @omg-just-peachy

Ten years since he’d seen or spoken to Tony Stark, ten years since they’d broken up to go away to school. And now this email. It could be his only chance to see Tony again.

Camelot: @weethreequarter

For one shining moment, there was Camelot.

In 2019, Karen Page meets Captain Steve Rogers to conduct an exclusive interview on his late husband, President Tony Stark.

In 2007, Steve meets Senator Tony Stark and falls in love.

he thinks he’s lancelot (but he’s more of a sir lamorak): @theotherwasdeath

Tony knows firsthand that violence isn’t funny. So why oh why does he think that the scene playing out in front of him, Steve and Victor Von Doom in a knock-out, drag-down fist fight, is absolutely hilarious?

wildflowers: @tinytonysnark

“So,” Steve begins, clapping his hands together, “the city of SHIELD is in debt. The big ups have sent for financial advisors, all the way from DC! They’re gonna take a look at the city’s spending and make some cuts.”

He squints at the camera against the morning sun shining through the courtyard, “I’m not that worried. Everyone here in the parks department is an important member of the team and absolutely needed.”

The camera swings towards the office where from the large glass window, Natasha can be seen picking up the ringing phone before immediately slamming it back down onto the receiver.

[A Parks and Rec AU]

trinkets of your affection: @starklysteve

Kissed him once for every year I loved him, Steve had written.

By that count, Steve owes him five more kisses now.

Tony traces the words, hands trembling, and tips back a shot of Howard's ancient whiskey. None of it burns anymore.

One day, he'll have lived more days without Steve than there are words in the diary.

For the first time since he'd woken with shrapnel in his chest, Tony fears the future.

----------

Or, five things Tony keeps to remember Steve by, and one thing Steve gives him to remember.

[sukunastoy]

hey, srry to be the one to rant in ur inbox but i saw u were open to anons and ur one of the few ppl ik in this fandom space thts around my age group and i was just wondering. how??

ive been on tumblr and in fandom/fanfic communities since i waz around 15, its basically my main hobby and pretty much the only social outlet i have, and ive just been so down and so lonely because ive been feeling shunned and excluded pretty much everywhere once i disclose my age and i absolutly completely understand WHY bc there r so many younger ppl in these places, but i dont know what else to do. it feels like nothing is fun anymore. the general consensus seems to b that i should just fck off and have some kids and pay bills until i die. how do u deal with it?? are u ever bothered by it? i feel likr a creep for even being here still, but it’s one of the only things i still have tht brings me joy. srry if that was a lot, i feel bad even compareing myself to u in any way because im nowhere near as talented as u are, absolutly delete this if it makes u uncomfortable whatsoever

hope u are doing well yourself 💙 ty for being u

First of all, NEVER be sorry to rant to my inbox!! And I truly feel appreciative for you to tell me all of this. This is a safe space and you're always welcome to it! My reply is a bit long, I didn't want to flood anyone with a super long post, so the rest is beneath the cut.

I completely understand how you feel, about the age thing and the ever present societal norms of "Must be an adult, must have kids, must do this, yada yada". Its depressing as fuck.

I've been into anime and manga since around 13-14 years old (apart from Pokemon which I've loved -And still do!- since the age of 5.)

I always wrote fanfics, always did fanart, even if I thought it was absolute garbage, I was still so happy just doing it. It has been something that got me through the toughest times in my life. I struggle with suicidal depression, always have for as long as I can remember, even back in my single digit days before even becoming a teenager. When I started to reach the age of "adulthood" I started to shy away from what I loved doing because I felt as an adult, I wasn't allowed to enjoy what I truly loved anymore, cause I needed to "grow up." And I did that. For a while. I rarely acknowledged anime. I sold all of my manga, my wall scrolls, my merch. I stopped drawing/writing it as much cause I needed to focus on being an adult, paying my bills, going to college, all that crap.

But, I got worse in my depression. I self harmed, had to go to therapy, had to start medication, and at one point I actually wrote that final goodbye note because I couldn't handle the norm of "being a mature adult" so I figured I must be useless otherwise. If I wasn't happy playing my adult role in society, what was the point of me even living?

During this time I went to college for 3 years, stressing, crying, working on a degree that I didn't even want because I thought it was expected of me. (I've always wanted to go to an art school and get a degree there. But my parents and everyone else in family told me, thats not a real degree. So I left it behind...) For 3 years I wasted my time and money and sanity to try to appease the people who don't pay my bills, don't put food in my mouth and certainly don't do shit for me otherwise, and I finally stopped and thought...

WHY?

WHY am I trying to impress and fit in with people who don't even really know me or provide for me?

I dropped out of the college that was stressing me out. I lost that money, but oh well, I was miserable, and my mental health is more important to me.

I don't want kids. I don't want that boring life of "just work til your dead". I don't want to have boring hobbies that I don't even like just to fit in with the people of my age range who I could care less about.

I'm turning 30 in a few months, and I regret wasting a few years of my life trying to fit into this norm of, bullshit. (And please note to whoever is reading this, if doing a lot of the 'norm' and having a family with kids and everything IS happiness for you, that is beautiful!! I am only referring to the people who don't want that life, and it should NOT be forced upon them.)

I love anime. I love drawing it, writing fics for it, interacting with other people over it, and I don't know why I ever tried to deny that.

I was afraid to return online in the fandoms because surely everyone must only be young teenagers right? Actually, not at all!

I've interacted with SO MANY people near my age range, and, it is truly amazing.

There are lots of people close in age, sometimes they're just a little difficult to find, but they are there, I promise, and they are amazing. I've enjoyed anime more in my adult life now than when I was younger tbh because I stopped caring about what others think and that my age is literally just a number. I'll be 30. So what, that doesn't change what I love. My body is getting older, that's all. I am still ME.

My fiance and I still go out and play Pokemon Go, collect Pokemon cards, like, I have BINDERS full of cards. The store we go to is ALWAYS packed with other people our age and way older who love Pokemon, Digimon, YuGiOh, and all sorts of other anime things they offer there.

These people are out there!

I started being more open with my likes and interests with strangers and coworkers, and I found out a lot of people really are into this, but felt they had to keep it hidden cause they didn't want anyone to think they were weird because of their age.

I surround myself with those who I know are supportive of me, or don't have a problem with my likes and interests and I stay away from those who try to shame me, and I kick them out of my life because I don't need that negativity in my circle. Some people my age who aren't into anime don't have a problem with me being into it at all. They've never shunned me for it. If anyone does, goodbye.

Life is short, its hard, its shitty. It doesn't need to be made worse by trying to appease those who aren't providing for you or feeling like you're not allowed to love what you love. So enjoy the things you love to enjoy. If there's something that you can latch onto that brings honest happiness into your life, cherish it.

I hope this helped in some way...even if just a tiny bit...

I know it was long, but I wanted to explain as much as I could so you don't feel like you're alone or left behind in the fandoms because of age. I tried to deny what brought me joy, and it only brought me more misery. I hated it.

I'm so much happier now, and I truly hope this type of peace comes for you soon as well.

Always feel free to drop in my inbox as anon, I would NEVER delete something like this.

Again, I hope this helped. If I didn't acknowledge something, or seemed to entirely misunderstand, I dearly apologize and please correct me if needed!!

💕 (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

(❁´◡`❁)~Stay shameless!

[ticktockteapot]

I had to step away from Wonderland for a while (long post ahead)

Sooo hi, I know Ive been absent from this blog for these past couple of weeks but ALOT of shitty things have been happening IRL....

TL:DR I had mental breakdowns, existential crises, and depression from burnout/finances. But then I met some people that helped me fall back into my wonderland phase. Now I've got a new job and Im gonna get my shit together

Click the Read More below

Having a literal existential crises about wat I'm doing with my career (or lack thereof)

My current job messing up my paychecks for a 2 months so I had ALOT of financial stress bcuz my bills were due which led to panic attacks and the return of my alcohol addiction 2: electric bugaloo

✨JOB HUNTING™✨

✨Preparing for interviews for said job hunting✨

✨✨LITERALLY HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISES ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD FOLLOW MY DREAM JOB (ANIMATOR/STORYBOARDER) OR STAY STUCK IN A SOUL CRUSHING CORPORATE JOB THAT CAN KEEP ME FINANCIALLY STABLE BUT NEVER HAVING ENOUGH TIME OR ENERGY TO MAKE MY ART/IMPROVE MY DRAWING SKILLS✨✨

And the fandoms that I'm in didn't help my mental state at all either... 😔 This blog and the fandoms were supposed to be my escape from reality but there was nothing but negativity/bad vibes/not enough content which pressured me into trying to be the mediator and push myself to try to come up with more content. . . . but I just got burnt out halfway (now I have even more unfinished projects) and I just became severely overwhelmed and shutdown (being an empath really sucks besties hahaha 🙃)

I started really doubting myself especially about my art skills and if I'm worthy of being a self-proclaimed content creator (as many other artists tend to struggle with too)

I literally never had any energy and time to create stuff bcuz it conflicted with my work schedule, which made me lack motivation to get anything done and my unmedicated ADHD certainly didn't help either sheeeeeeesssshhhhhh

But it seems like the universe aligned and I got a major wake up call and it gave me some hope!

A few weeks ago on my way to work at the Chocolate Factory (working the assembly line at a chocolate factory is not as 🎉fun🎉 as one would think ngl) my Uber driver that night just so happened to be an ex-Disney employee! His name is Peter and he used to be a Disney Sketch Artist and did a little voice acting for the Disney Parks. I started asking him all these questions about working for Disney and he mentioned how he's trying to earn money for his daughter to go to art school and I kinda fangirled about the other Disney Sketch Artist "Briannacherrygarcia". During the whole conversation I couldn't help but feel so inspired again and felt like maybe I could actually get somewhere with my art... If he could do it maybe so can I?

Go follow him on his social medias!!! Hes really cool!!!

And if THAT wasn't more of an eye opener then last week was! Apparently one of my coworkers in the factory used to work for Disneyworld and Universal Studios!!! She used to be a cast member for the parades as The actual Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Winnie the Pooh, Piglet, Stitch, Timon, Meek, Turk......and best of all....... THE WHITE RABBIT himself 🐇 I can officially say I'm friends with the White Rabbit!! She even gave me a bunch of autographs too!!!

As of right now Im finally in a better place to start over and I start my new job in 2 weeks (it's not a Disney job but atleast it's away from my soul crushing job at the factory. Baby steps...baby steps....) and maybe I can get my shit together and muster up some courage to do the things that made me happy again...

TL:DR I had mental breakdowns, existential crises, and depression from burnout. But then I met some people that helped me fall back into my wonderland phase. Now I've got a new job and Im gonna get my shit together

[with-the-same-tattoos]

omg....farmer ghost psychic vampires????? that sounds sooo coool! you have such great ideas....i love their designs if you ever feel like sharing more info on them pleading emoji but if not thats cool....wow

; v ; t-thank u xoxoxoxoxo ...... i will o e day definetly, I care abt them a lot.... actually, tho it isnt exactly what u asked abt, i thought id combo this w an another ask partially iv got earlier that I'm waiting to draw for, which asked me about my favourite ocs (and why) and even tho u asked just abt the vamps, im just... wholly gonna infodump on u ny faves....... mwssy explanation but lol im djdkdkdkwks I THOUGHT ID SHARE. I am hyperfocusing on slasher & horror stuff at the moment so i havent had much time to think abt these critters, but one day.

N1 baby rn is Sirppi (he/they/she) they're just created during a part of my life with so much hope and love. They are an adventurer, traveler, a map maker & philosopher, a studier of the human condition etc etc... but also deal w major social anxiety and they struggle to open their mouth to speak. They're just endlessly drawn to the ocean, to sail and go. They also have a big dog called Cupid :) they are like a ghibli inspired themes collection and i LOVE THEM.

Beau (she/her), idk just my hottest character, shes pretty well rounded and barely has any story bc shes like content which, doesnt make for a lot of atorytelling but shes like my dream cottagecore autor wife w ducks and dogs

Angel Lust (she/they) just horny. Is. Exists in a state of thirst. Born from the fact that I find horny people the most endearing folks on this earth, theyre cute.

Atlas (she/they), Dalla (she/they) and Jalopeura (they/them) idk some of my alien characters i still have a lor of fondness dor and should redesign

Attilio (he/him), Behemmon (they/them) and Monarda (they/them) idk bonus points to my warm palette kids. Attilio is stupid and Behemmon and Monarda r soft souls.

Anyways again sorry for completely derailibc.... ill technically b posting abt them in the future i think im hardcore stuxl on the slasher fandom bc a)there is so much to explore b) the community is so nice but i do have my own projects w long histories and i apprechiatw any bit of interest it rly warms m hwary :'))) 💖💖💞💕💟💖

[slowlydrowningme]

Under the Bright but Faded Lights

Title: Under the Bright but Faded Lights

Rating: T

Word Count: 1546

Warnings: Description of kidnapping and injury, minor mentions of blood and violence

Pairing: Damian x fem!reader

Prompt:  18 and 22 for Damian Wayne x fem reader (Pinterest prompt lost #1) please! 

“You are weak with love for her.”

Notes: Apparently I have issues writing fics that are mostly the requested pair.  I don’t know how this turned into what it did, but there it is.  Fun fact: I started this fic three different ways before I settled on this one.  Good times.

Tags: @this-is-what-makes-us-fandoms

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things are fuzzy when you come back to your senses slowly.  The pain in your head isn’t surprising and neither is the wet, sticky feeling on the side of your head.  The cold is seeping into your skin through the material of your jeans where you’re sitting on the damp concrete, hands pulled above your head secured with chains if the clinking noise is anything to go by.  Your shoulders are sore and your ribs ache with each breath, but other than that you seem to be relatively unharmed.  The pounding headache was by far the worst part.

And it was made worse when you finally decided to open your eyes.

“Y/N…thank god.”

“Di-Nightwing?”  You can barely make out he outline of the man sitting across from you, but the voice and color scheme are unmistakable. “What happened?”

“What do you remember?” Blinking your vision clear, you try to remember the events leading up to that shadow appearing in your bedroom.

“Dinner with a friend,” you say in leu of saying Damian’s name because you don’t know who has you and what they know.  “A movie and then a walk home.”  It had been Damian’s night off and he had decided to take you on one of the most cliché dates ever because Dick had recommended it and you had found it amusing. He would do anything to see that lovesick smile on your face and the whole family (and you) knew it.

“Where did he grab you?”

“He?”

“Deathstroke.”  Well, damn.  “Where were you?”

“At home.  I had been there about ten minutes.”  The lenses of Nightwing’s mask closed and you knew he had drawn the same conclusion.  Long enough that Damian would have been well on his way home.  “But…I never sent the text.”

The text that you sent every night before slipping into bed and drifting off for the night.  The text that would be replied to immediately if Robin wasn’t patrolling.  The text that you would see the reply to when you woke up the next morning if he was. The text that was sent because you had once told Damian how your mother said her biggest regret was not getting the chance to tell your father she loved him one last time before he died in the car accident when you were ten.

“He’ll notice then.”

“Yeah,” you breath out, blinking slowly as your head starts to fog up again.  “How long have we been here?”

“Me, a couple of hours. You, maybe an hour tops.”  Damian would have definitely figured something out by now.  Whether he had figured it was foul play was still up in the air.

“Hey, N?”  You struggled to keep the slur out of your voice, but the startled look on his face told you that you had failed.  “I’m going to pass out again now.”

“Hey, no!  Y/N?!  You need to stay awake!”  Nightwing called out, but he already sounded like you were listening from underwater, so you knew it was a pointless cause at this point.

The next time you came to, you are still chained up but there’s the distinct sound of fighting in the room with you.  A gun shot going off pulls you out more quickly than the previous time.

“You should have killed me when you had the chance, kid,” the deep voice of Deathstroke, aka Slade Wilson, draws your attention to where he and Robin are engaged in a fight.  A quick glance reveals Nightwing is almost out of his manacles, tossing worried looks between the fighting pair and you.

“Y/N!”  Nightwing relaxes slightly in the shoulders when he notices your eyes are open again.  But that is short lived when another gun shot goes off and something sharp hits your cheek.  You flinch and gasp when the pain in your arms is brought back to your attention.  

You’re aware you haven’t been shot, but you definitely took some kind of shrapnel to the cheek and it stings. But it just serves to remind you of all the other aches and pains that have only gotten worse since your last bout of consciousness.

“Ow,” you muttered, blinking back the bite of tears.

“Jesus,” Nightwing swears, doubling his efforts to get out of his restraints.  It’s a moment later that both of his arms are falling to his sides and he’s crawling over to where you’re slouched.  But your eyes are on Robin and Deathstroke.  You had seen Damian fight plenty of times and every time you’re able to marvel at the terrifying beauty of it.  But he has a katana and Deathstroke is wielding his guns.  

“No, help him.  Help Robin,” you gasp out when Nightwing reaches up to pick the lock securing your hands above your head.

“No.  He’d never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t get you out of here first.”

“Please help him.” But you know your request is in vain because Nightwing is shaking his head and reaching above you still.  Your chest is tight with fear as you keep your eyes on Robin as he focuses on Deathstroke.

“The others are here,” Nightwing says quietly as you feel the grip around your wrists release and he’s gently guiding your arms down.  He’s careful with you, but you aren’t trained to compartmentalize the way they are and the pained cry escapes your dry, cracked lips.  There’s a flurry of movement when the others crash into the room and you flinch at the commotion before leaning into Nightwing as he shifts to protect you from what’s happening on the other side of the warehouse.  

“Get her out of here,” comes a growl that is sadly all too familiar these days and just, how did knowing Batman’s voice become your norm?  “Nightwing, now!”  The order is clear and Nightwing tenses with it but doesn’t argue.  Instead, he loops an arm under your legs and around your back, lifting you easily as he stood.  

“Leslie is waiting at the Cave.  Take mine.” Red Hood shoots Nightwing a glance over his shoulder before taking a shot at Deathstroke.  

You want to argue. You want to fight them all to get to Robin and make sure he’s okay, but the fog is coming back and you’re not certain how much longer you’ll be able to hang on.  But you fight it because Hood’s ride is a motorcycle and you’ll need to hang on for the ride to the Cave.

Thankfully, Nightwing seems to know you’ve only got a little bit left in you and straps you onto his back before you’re flying a breakneck speed to the hidden entrance.  But you’re out again before you enter and when you come back to the world, you’re laying on a bed in the med bay of the Cave and Damian is sitting next to you.  You hand, that doesn’t have an IV attached to it, is held tightly between both of his, his lips pressed to your knuckles as he watches you blink awake.  There’s no hiding the fear in his eyes, or the relief at seeing you awake, so you give him your best shot at a smile.

“Hey,” your voice is rough and you can guess that you’ve probably been out for a fair amount of time given the texture of it.

“Thank gods you’re all right,” he whispers in response, leaning forward and kissing your forehead. You close your eyes and hum in response. “I was so worried.  When you never sent the text,” he explained, leaning back to sit down again.  He kept his grip tight on your hand, placing his lips back to your knuckles.

“Slade?”

The darkened expression tells you all you need to know.  Escaped.

“What did he want?”  There had been no exchange between the two of you other than the butt of his gun connecting to the side of your head, so you couldn’t be certain outside of your connection to Robin.

“To make a point.  He failed.”

“He was never going to kill me or Dick, was he?”  Damian let out a snort and shook his head.

“No, he’s too fond of Grayson.  It’s disturbing.  I think he only takes him to prove he still can,” and wasn’t that disturbing.  But you were still glad that Damian’s oldest brother had been there to keep you calm and watch out for you.

“Dami?  What point was he trying to make?”  The question is quiet, and you’re worried about the answer, but you also know you need to hear it.

“You’re weak with love for her,” Slade ground out as he blocked a blow from Damian, throwing one of his own that was easily blocked by the other man.  “Your grandfather would be disgusted with how weak you are.”

“You are wrong.  I’m strong because of my love for her.  For all of them.  That is where my grandfather was wrong.”

“It doesn’t matter. He was wrong.”  The smile he gives you is enough to put out the fire of fear in your belly and when he releases your hand to place his hands on either side of your face so he can press his lips to yours sooths the remaining doubts.

“I love you, My Prince.”

“And I you, Beloved.”

[littlebitoffanfic]

I’ll Return - part 2

Fandom: The Hills Have Eyes Characters: Ruby, Mars, others mentioned Relationship: Mars/reader Request: Can I officially request a continuation of the Mars soulmate au? Maybe the reader took a few years to return for him due to trying to get settled and ready for a life with him and ruby in the outside. Reader fights tooth and nail to have him go with her this time. With some fluff and/or smut please? A/N: little steamy kissing section, but that’s as far as the smut goes… for now

Part 1

 Ruby knew you were thinking about it again. About him. You had gone quiet for a few days and she heard you crying at night. In the mornings, you seemed distant and away with the fairies. She settled at the table across from you, flattening the skirt she wore out as she did so. Drawing your attention away from the window, you looked at the young woman. She had truly grown since you first met her. Ruby thrived in the real world, now working a cash-in-hand job at the local shop. She was still a little skittish around strangers who weren’t on the other side of a counter, but she was getting better at hiding it. You couldn’t help but smile at her. To think it had been 2 years since you first found this little house. By pure coincidence, you had been talking with Ruby at a diner, just after you left. The old woman there had seen the dirt on Rubys skin and the way you were both dressed (slightly ripped clothes and messy hair). “Now, cant have two girls wondering around on their own. Don’t worry, loves. I’ll help yah.” Marge had said, telling you both to stay till closing. She bought you to this house, telling you that it was her sisters but due to an unfortunate accident, the house now lay bare. She couldn’t bring herself to sell the land, and offered it in return for labour. You took a job in the front of the diner with ease, but Marge could see Ruby had troubles at would make it difficult. So she started the young girl out in the kitchen, washing dishes with her husband, Old Jack. The place was run by family, with Marge having both her cousin and her aunt Flo working there. Old Jack had rolled his eyes when he set them on the two of you. “Im already out numbered back here.” He’d snapped, nodding to the front where the three woman stood chatting. But the smirk that followed showed no malice. So that was where you stayed. Ruby was asked by Flo if she would want to help in her husbands shop as a shelf stocker which was quieter and not as hectic as a kitchen, and Ruby nodded so hard her head might have fallen off. You took care of money. It was something Ruby had never had to worry about, in the sense of budgeting and bills. You sat down with her, explaining what needed to be paid and how it would portion out but she just started at you blankly. So you gave her an allowance for her own personal things while you pooled the rest of the money for bills. The first thing you did when you got your first paycheque was take her to the local clothes store and treat her. She came home with a new hat, a few tops and jeans as well as some nice skirts and three pairs of shoes. She had been bouncing off the walls with excitement. The house was large. With three floors, it had a small room and three double rooms on the second floor and the third was a large master bedroom. Ruby got first choice, but she still chose the double room. You took the master bedroom on the top floor. And so here you were, two years later with a lovely house, a full fridge, a closet of clothes and a warm bed. Yet you felt empty still. Your eyes drifted back to that tattoo. “I think-“ Ruby hesitated, as if trying to find the right words. “-It would be a good time to try.” Instantly, you knew what she was talking about because you had been thinking the same thing. “Me too. But I think the first time I should go back alone.” You sip your drink and glance to the clock. It was only 8am. You were both off today, but Ruby liked getting up and watching the sun rise. So you and her had spent the morning pottering about and now just sat down for some caffeine while Ruby had a bowl of cereal. Ruby looked up from her cereal. You could see the concern in her eyes as her spoon was forgotten half way to her mouth. “He might not want to come. I really hope he does, but if it feels like he wouldn’t be happy, I cant force him. But if it feels like it is something he wants, and still wont come then we can both look at going back.” You put your cup down and reach across the table to take her free hand. “And I don’t want to put you back in danger.” She opened her mouth to argue, but you knew she had that fear still. So she nodded, squeezing your hand. “When will you go?” She asked. “Today.” The moment she heard what you said, she chocked a little, making you chuckle. “Why wait? Im off today and tomorrow.” She spent the next hour or so flitting about. She gave you weapons just in case, as well as packing you some food and bottles of water. Poor Ruby couldn’t seem to sit still as you got ready. She put your things out to the car and double checking everything until you were pulling on your jacket. She didn’t question you, and you knew she had went back into herself, afraid to speak up or question you. You hugged her and bid her goodbye. Ruby stayed in your rear view mirror until she was out of sight.

  The drive was long. You found yourself unable to concentrate fully on the road, seeming to go into auto pilot as you drove. When you realized you were on the dreaded straight was when you passed the gas station. The very one where you had spent some time. Pulling up, you saw the place was locked up. the door was shut and boarded up. Maybe Fred had gotten away, or maybe he had fallen to Jupiter’s rage. You didn’t know, and in truth, you didn’t want to find out. Looking down the road, you wondered about driving on a little, but you knew there was a valley in the hills just behind the gas station. It was were Mars and Ruby would come out of when they visited you. Drumming your fingers on the wheel, you wondered what you should do next. You couldn’t go running into the hills, since there was a better chance that one of the other family members would find you before Mars would. You didn’t know whether to wait it out and see if someone came out, or whether to try leave a note or something. You really hadn’t thought beyond getting to the gas station. it seemed like such a far away and daunting task that actually being here was like stepping into a memory. Pulling the car into the shade of the gas station so you could just see the entrance to the hills, you were about to plan your next step when you saw movement coming from the shop. From the rear door of the shop, Mars stepped out. He took a drink from a bottle of water and closing the door over behind him. Then he started to walk back to the entrance. The wonder of how he didn’t seem to hear of see the car was lost as you felt your world stop. He was exactly as you remembered him, and you were pretty sure you must have been looking back at him with rose tinted glasses. Getting out the car, you raced to catch up with him, finding your mouth dry as you silently approached him. “Mars?” you spoke his name, knowing better than to run up behind him and wrap your arms around him. The second you spoke, Mars froze. The bottle he had been drinking from dropped to the ground as he turned to look at you He stared at you, his eyes seeming to glaze over as if day dreaming. You opened your mouth to say something but ended up closing it again. What could you say to him? You had focused so much on seeing him again that you had little plan on how to persuade him to come back with you. Maybe you should have bought Ruby, and then if you two could have thrown him in the back of the car and drove away before he could escape. The humorous idea shot some life back into you as you smiled a little. Then a little more as you realized you were back with him for a moment. “Mars.” You whispered his name, and saw a visible shiver run down his spin as he hunched over himself slightly and dropped his gaze. “Why did yah come back?” He asked, his voice broken and horse. Very horse. Frowning, your eyes darted to his neck. It wasn’t easy to see considering the top he wore, the curls from his hair and the dark shadow that was cast of that area. But as you focused, you saw a bruise. Not even a small one. It wrapped around the front of his neck, the purple and black marking his skin. Stepping forward, you closed the distance between you too. You didn’t notice Mars freeze up, staring at you with wide eyes as he seemed to stop breathing. Raising a finger, you gently touched the bruised flesh. “Does it hurt?” You ask, looking up at him. It was only then that you realized how close you had gotten. His face hovered only 4 or 5 inches from your own. So close. “Not now.” He breathed, his eyes falling to your lips. trailing your fingers around to the back of his neck, you allowed your hand to slid into his curls, earning another shiver. You smiled at the reaction. “Ive missed you.” You tell him, smiling despite the fear. His fingers hover over your side, about to touch you when something in him seemed to snap. “You shouldn’t have come back. Go.” He commanded before twisting out of your touch and walking away quickly. You stumbled forward, confused beyond belief before running to catch up with him. “Mars, Please.” You call after him, following him but struggling to keep up with his pace. “Come home with me?” The words slowed Mars down until he stopped. You walked up behind him, slipping your arms around his torso as you pressed your forehead against his back. “I want to share my life with you. We’re soulmates. Right?” You shake your head as you feel your heart hammer. You started to doubt yourself. He kept refusing you. You tried to shake off the idea that your soul mate might just not want you because it seemed impossible, yet here you were, doubting if he was yours. He hadn’t given you a real reason not to come with you. Ruby had been practically bursting to get away from this life, and you found out later that Jupiter was an abusive piece of shit. So you would have thought he would have wanted away from this life. So perhaps he didn’t really want to come with you. But Mars had wanted to kept you hidden so you could stay. Confusion raked through your body as you tried to figure out what to do next. But you couldn’t until you asked a very important question. “Mars?” You closed your eyes as they filled with tears. “Do you want to come with me?” You put slight emphasis on the word ‘you’, hoping he hadn’t picked up on your shaking voice. Mars paused for a moment, and you felt your world stand still for a moment as you waited for his answer. “Yeah.” Mars breathed, barely audible. Your arms drop from around him as you step in front so you could look up at him. He looked so conflicted, unable to look you in the eyes as he frowned in through. “Why cant you?” You asked, placing a hand on his chest in hope that it might sooth him. “My brothers. I cant leave ‘em.” He whispered to you, glancing to an opening in the hills. “Bring them. Theres enough room and I know Ruby missed them.” You encourage him, nodding as he looks back to you. His mind worked quickly as he drew together a plan that you didn’t know. “Go back to the car. Don’t get out. Keep the door locked. And if I aint back just after sundown, you leave.” His spoke with such control and authority, you felt a small tremble of lust shoot through you as you nodded. He was about to walk away, but you grabbed his hand. As he looked back to you in confusion, you darted forward. Going up on your tip toes, you kissed him. The immediate rush of adrenaline and pleasure was almost overwhelming as you let out a small mewl. Mars was so shocked by the kiss that he didn’t respond until he heard you mewl in pleasure, and he was immediately lost in your lips. his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest before running up and down your back. As he deepened the kiss, it appeared he had found more courage as his hand moved down past your back to grope your ass and a growl left his throat. Your hands ran up his front to then drape your arms over his shoulders. Your fingers played with his curls, but in truth you couldn’t concentrate fully on anything other than his lips. In an unexpected move, he suddenly lifted you up. You squealed a little but Mars refused to break the kiss as your legs instinctively wrapped around his torso. He pins you to the rock face, pressing his body against yours as his hands explored your sides. A groan escaped his throat as he explored your mouth. You give him full access, allowing him to dominate the kiss. Your fingers gripped his hair as you silently begged him for more. The small tug of his hair only earned more lust filled moans from Mars who began to grind against you. The cloud of lust which had settled over your mind was quickly cleared when you heard a voice. “MARS! Where are yah?!” The voice gave you a fright, but it sounded distant, as if playing on a television or maybe over a phone. Mars took a moment, only appearing to pull back when he noticed you had frozen. Keeping you pressed against the wall with one arm still supporting you, he pulled a walkie-talkie out of his back pocket. “Just comin’ back.” He mumbled over the radio. It was apparently enough to silence the voice as nothing else was said. You both knew that the make-out session was over, and you were suddenly back in the real world. The one where you would probably be running for your life in a few hours. The one where Mars was about to do something which could get him killed. He lowered you to the floor, but didn’t back away. Instead, he hugged you. His head was on top of your own, as if kissing your hair but he didn’t. he just kept you close, as if trying to memorize your scent. “Go to the car, wait for you and your brothers, take you away, be happy.” You listed off the actions as you looked up, causing him to pull away. He smirked, but you could see in his eyes that it wasn’t going to be that easy.

------------------- time skip ---------------

 The day had taken ages, and you felt constantly on edge as you waited for darkness. You had to sit in the darkness, the car turned off and no lights on inside either. The car and you had to blend into the night. The silence was almost driving you insane. You couldn’t turn on the radio, so you were left in the dark and silence. You were drumming your fingers on the wheel, not keeping to any tune or song as your leg bounced with anxiety. The lack of communication was the worse. If only you knew they were on their way, or that they were safe at least. Glancing ahead, you felt your heart stop and your mouth go dry. You sat up straight, seeing three figures running to the car. You held your breath, squinting your eyes in the darkness. When you saw the bouncing of Mars’ curls, you turned on the engine, still keeping the lights off for now. They were running from something, or someone, and you were pretty sure they would need a quick getaway. Unlocking the door, they were flung open as the boys jumped into the car. “Go.” Mars demanded as he slammed the passenger door behind him with the other two got in the back. You nodded, turning on the headlights and you screamed. In front of the car was a man. Jupiter. He was angry, screaming insults as he raised an axe, about to bring it down on the hood of the car. You shoved the car in reverse and floor it backwards, causing Jupiter to swing forward and hit nothing. The momentum from the swing caused him to stumble forward. You slammed on the breaks, put the car in first gear and put your foot to the floor. Yanking the steering wheel to the side, you narrowly missed the deranged man as you drove away. “You okay?” You asked, glancing to Mars then back to the road. “Yeah, just keep drivin’” Mars leaned back in his seat, panting. It probably didn’t help that you had given them all a heart attack when you first saw Jupiter and screamed. Glancing in the rear view mirror, you saw the two brothers. While you had never met them, you had seen the tall one with the bald head before and knew him as Pluto. As for Mercury, you had heard him on radios, but never seen him before. He was smaller than his brothers, perhaps even shorter than Ruby. He was hunched over himself, both his legs pulled up to his chest and his feet perched on the seat. “You two okay?” You call back, turning your head a little to see them in your peripheral vision. Two nods calmed your worry as you turned back to the road. The drive was tense, and really awkward. You understood why. Neither Mercury or Pluto knew who you were. Perhaps they knew you had taken Ruby away, but you didn’t know if they considered that a good thing or not. You decided not to push them, allowing them some time with their thoughts for now. Mars kept quiet the whole away, to the point you thought he might have fallen asleep. You reached across and placed your hand on his thigh, making him jump slightly until he saw no threat and relaxed again. Nothing was said until you pulled up outside the house. Instantly, you felt guilty. Ruby must have been worried out her mind. You had barely climbed out the car when the door flung open and the young woman came hurtling out the house. “[y/n]!” She tried out, her arms flying around your neck as her body collided with your own so hard you stumbled back a little. “Im sorry for scaring you.” You held her tight, feeling how she was shaking. “Ruby?” Mercury’s voice called out her name she pulled back. The others had gotten silently out the car. “Merc…” She trailed off, blinking as if suspecting it was a trick of the light. Until her face broke in to a massive smile as she called out his name, running to him. With the same enthusiastic hug, she threw herself at her brother, who spun her around. You smiled as she embraced all her brothers the same way and earned different responses. Pluto patted her head with a smile while Mars ended up standing rather awkwardly. You laughed, whole heartedly for the first time in a while. There was so much to say, to explain, to question. But now wasn’t the time. Inviting them into the warm glow of the house felt like they were being invited into a dream. Mercury and Pluto were eager to follow their sister, while Mars paused outside. “Mars? You coming in?” You call out to him, holding the door open. His eyes fell on you as he blinked slowly before stepping inside, leaving his past at the door as he started his future with you and his family.

[mysticalmuddle]

Sorry if this has been asked before, but what got into asoiaf? Also, did you like Arya and Jonrya from the first read or did that come later? What do you think of Jon as a character? What are your top 10 favourite characters and moments? I aplologise for this avalanche of questions but I just couldn't help wanting to know more of my favourite asoiaf writer. PS: I adore your aesthetic, your blog and writing gives me an otherworldly feeling.

Hey no worries! Ask away <333

but what got you into asoiaf?  I’ve always been into quasi-medieval fantasy, and picked up asoiaf a looooooooong time ago, when I was in middle school. It was so engagingly written that it never really left my brain since? That’s like, ten whole years rent free I’ve been thinking about these characters. What recently spurred me into like, engaging with the fandom/writing/etc was the lack of action in the Jonrya tag, and more specifically, the lack of stories updating that I was interested in, so I decided to make my own 😅

Also, did you like Arya and Jonrya from the first read or did that come later? Re: liking Jon and Arya right off the bat--Okay, so when I first read the series, I was Going Through It IRL, and identified a lot with Jon and his storyline? But I was also so not past the age of “girls going on insane dangerous adventures and being brave despite that” being massively appealing and all the Arya chapters were a satisfyingly more adult version of that genre. I’ll say I liked them both from the get-go, and it’s never really died down since, and I just learned over the years and rereads to appreciate more of the characters. (If I’d been a little older on that first read, I probably would have glommed onto Tyrion instead, and my fandom interactions now would be...vastly different  😂😂😂)

I guess I sort of shipped it from the moment I read ADWD. Like, I was super into Jon&Arya before then--that level of devotion is one of my fictional relationship draws--but ADWD really got me into it. There was just something so compelling about how often they think of each other, and how badly they want to be reunited again, in Arya’s chapters especially. But the whole passage with the Pink Letter just Fucked Me Up emotionally, and suddenly I was like, “They should reunite and kiss”.  Over the years, my enthusiasm for the ship has increased, as my very old slushpile of unpublished fics can attest.

What do you think of Jon as a character? I think he’s an incredibly complex character, which is my favorite type of character! His struggles in the series against his own desires versus his sense of duty, especially framed in the narrative by popular thoughts about bastards, and how that affected his self esteem--he has to be more honorable, more clever, more dedicated just to make up for a facet of his own existence that he didn’t control and can’t change!--is something I just find so compelling. And, of course, his deeply intense love for Arya always gets me like 😍😍😍😍 I don’t have any huge takes on him though--I’m not a very thinky type person and everything I think about characters seems so hard to articulate unless I’m pouring it out into a fic (so I’m sorry if you wanted Takes! This Bitch Empty!)

What are your top 10 favourite characters?

Arya

Jon

Daenerys

Brienne

Tyrion

Missandei

Oberyn

Bran

Asha

Sansa

What are your top 10 favourite moments? Alright, these are in no particular order of preference, just listened as I remembered/googled exactly what books they took place in

1. When Brienne rescues Willow from the Bloody mummers, despite knowing that they’ll kill her for the attempt, AFFC-Brienne VII. No chance and no choice gives me chills every fucking time

2. When Arya kills Dareon and walks off with his boots, AFFC-Cat of the Canals. This moment has implications and speaks to Arya’s inability to let go of herself, even when all that being a Stark means in that moment is the gruesome work of justice, but I’ll be honest--I just like it because of how nonchalant and almost sassy she is when taking the boots afterwards, and how it speaks to her practicality. 

3. When Jon reads the Pink Letter and loses his shit, ADWD-Jon XIII.  I want my bride back … I want my bride back … I want my bride back …"I think we had best change the plan," Jon Snow said. Ohohohohhhoo!!! Juuuuust fuck me up GRRM!!

4. When Daenerys has breakfast with Missandei in Mereen and Missandei chides her into eating more, saying Daenerys is very small, ADWD-Daenerys VII. But also every Daenerys & Missandei interaction ever. Every time they speak to each other, you can just tell the level of care they have, and how they see each other as family over time!!!

5. When Arya travels with the Brotherhood Without Banners and gives water to the northern prisoners before watching as Anguy mercy-kills them, ASoS-Arya V. It’s a facet of Arya’s personality that imo, I think is ignored in metas and fics. She considers them her pack, and despite her disappointment in them, and her disgust at their crimes, still gives them water and finds them a quick, merciful death.

6. The dinner with the men of the Nightswatch and the discussion Bran and Robb have afterwards, about riding to the Wall to see Jon, and about whether their family will come back, AGoT-Bran IV This moment, I think, speaks to Robb’s characterization in a way that Catelyn’s POV chapters don’t touch very well. He’s so very young, despite everything, and trying his hardest, and well aware of the dangers his family is in, and how he’s falling short of saving them and there’s nothing he can do about that. 

7. Oberyn during Tyrion’s trail by combat, and his arrogance and his rage, ASoS-Tyrion X. His demand that the Mountain say Elia’s name got me tearing up the first time I read it, not realizing what the cost of that justice would be for Oberyn himself. So much of ASoIaF deals with grief, and the consequences of obsessive grief, and this fit into the series so impeccably fucking well

8. Every single thing about Daenerys freeing the slaves at Astapor, ASoS-Daenerys III. One of the things I really didn’t appreciate in the show is how they changed the tone of that scene, very much altering it from Daenerys and her joy that she can do this thing, a balm after the horror she felt seeing the slaves and learning about the brutal training the Unsullied go through, into a moment that was just her being badass and powerful. 

"Unsullied!" Dany galloped before them, her silver-gold braid flying behind her, her bell chiming with every stride. "Slay the Good Masters, slay the soldiers, slay every man who wears a tokar or holds a whip, but harm no child under twelve, and strike the chains off every slave you see." She raised the harpy's fingers in the air . . . and then she flung the scourge aside. "Freedom!" she sang out. "Dracarys! Dracarys!" "Dracarys!" they shouted back, the sweetest word she'd ever heard. "Dracarys! Dracarys!" And all around them slavers ran and sobbed and begged and died, and the dusty air was filled with spears and fire. "Dracarys!" they shouted back, the sweetest word she'd ever heard. "Dracarys! Dracarys!" And all around them slavers ran and sobbed and begged and died, and the dusty air was filled with spears and fire."Dracarys!" they shouted back, the sweetest word she'd ever heard. "Dracarys! Dracarys!" And all around them slavers ran and sobbed and begged and died, and the dusty air was filled with spears and fire. [Bold mine] The moment on the show was momentous, but this was-----vastly superior and far more indicative of her character.

9. Catelyn stopping the catspaw from killing Bran, AGoT-Catelyn III. Watching Catelyn emerge from the haze of her grief only to go full fucking ham feral and brutal protecting her child was like *chef’s kiss* There’s just such a cool contrast between her losing her shit talking with Robb a moment before, and then the actual fight, and then her busting out with:  "The circumstances did not allow me to examine it closely, but I can vouch for its edge," Catelyn replied with a dry smile. "Why do you ask?"

10. This exchange:  Alliser Thorne overheard him. "Lord Snow wants to take my place now." He sneered. "I'd have an easier time teaching a wolf to juggle than you will training this aurochs.""I'll take that wager, Ser Alliser," Jon said. "I'd love to see Ghost juggle." AGoT-Jon III. That’s the moment I knew I stanned Jon Snow irreparably, forever.

PS: I adore your aesthetic, your blog and writing gives me an otherworldly feeling.  No u! For real, anon, that’s so fucking sweet of you to say  🥰🥰🥰 Hope I answered everything to your satisfaction, and feel free to come back and chat if the mood strikes ya!