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theokotrain · 3 years

Text

Vestige - Interlude: The Party

Wattpad Version

As the night fills the sky

All my fears are dissipating

'Cause I feel reassured

That I might make it through

And if all my luck should burn

Then I guess it burned for you

---

April 13th, 2012

I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.

I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.

Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.

God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.

After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.

Shaela.

I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.

I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.

"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.

I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.

"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."

"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."

"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.

She's not wrong.

"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."

"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.

Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.

It's a message from Tyler.

He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.

Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?

Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.

Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?

Tyler: thinkin about it

think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin

Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole

Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there

The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.

Jake: i guess ill think about it

Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind

Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.

"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.

"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."

"What happened?"

"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"

"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.

Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."

"Sounds like typical Claire."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.

"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.

"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.

I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"

"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."

Wow.

"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.

Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"

"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.

"What? How does he know Chris?"

"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"

"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"

"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.

"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"

I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.

"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."

"Awesome!"

"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.

"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.

"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.

"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.

"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.

"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."

"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.

I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"

"Sure thing!"

We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.

"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.

"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"

"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"

"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.

"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.

"Oh yeah? What about you?"

"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."

"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"

"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.

"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.

"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.

I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"

---

"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.

"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.

"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.

"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.

"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.

"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.

"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"

"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.

"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"

"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.

"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.

"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."

"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.

"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"

"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.

It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.

"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.

"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.

We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.

Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.

"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.

"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.

Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.

"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.

I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.

"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.

"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.

---

The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!

"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.

I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.

"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.

"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"

"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."

' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"

"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"

"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.

"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.

"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.

As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.

When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.

"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.

"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.

"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.

"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.

"Duh!" Alex claimed.

Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.

After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.

"You guys ready?" Justin asks.

"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.

"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.

The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.

Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.

Oh fuck.

It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.

I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?

"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.

"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.

The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.

I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.

Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...

...

...Second?!?

"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.

"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.

"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.

"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.

"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.

"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.

"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.

"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.

"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.

"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.

"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.

A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...

...

Really? That's bullshit! Come on...

...

Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!

...

Yeah, I swear."

It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.

They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.

"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.

"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.

"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.

"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.

"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"

I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.

I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.

As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.

...Is he crying?

He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.

There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"

"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.

"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."

"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.

Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?

To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."

"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.

He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.

"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.

This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.

Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.

A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?

"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.

"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."

I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.

"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"

God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.

"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.

"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.

"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.

We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.

"At least it's a nice night out." I said.

"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.

"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.

I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.

I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.

"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"

"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.

"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.

"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"

"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.

When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-

"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.

Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.

"...You... think?"

"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.

"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"

"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.

"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.

A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.

"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"

He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."

I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.

"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."

"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.

Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?

"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.

Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."

"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"

He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."

"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."

After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"

"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.

---

Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.

I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.

Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"

"Hide-a-bed." He replies.

"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.

I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."

"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.

"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.

"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.

"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.

He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.

"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.

"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.

"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"

"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"

"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.

"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"

"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.

"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.

I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.

Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.

---

As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.

I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.

Tyler: hey

woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.

will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see

A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.

At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.

The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.

"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.

"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.

She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"

"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.

"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.

I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."

"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.

"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.

"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.

"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.

"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.

Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.

Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.

As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.

"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.

"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.

"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"

"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"

There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?

"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."

#story #novel #interlude #writing #novel writing #vestige #town #coming of age #lgbtq #gay #furry #wattpad

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pinkykitten · 5 years

Text

The time in Summervale: 1

Warning: none

Specifics: y/n=your name, oc, oc fic, comedy

People: athela (your mother), edward (your father), huxley (cook), ruthy (maid)

Words: 1,438

Summary: In the fictional land of Summervale, 1700, you, the Duchess are made into an arranged marriage.This is the dream of your parents but certainty not the dream of a longing inventor like yourself. You are taught to be a lady but who wants to be a primp and proper lady when you can have fun and be yourself. You need to try to convince your parents this is not what you want or is it? How will it be seeing the Prince of Linwyn? Will you finally change your mind and side with your parents?

Authors Note: this is something newwwwww. ive been wanting to do kinda my own thing for a while so this is not on any fandom this is a story i will be updating with chapters about my characters but in a x reader way if that makes sense so its still gonna use you and such just this is my own story. i got inspiration off of this story “the austrian suitor” by @headoverhiddles, granted i dont know the character or the fandom i just read it cuz another blog reblogged it yet i rlly enjoyed it even tho it is smut and im not usually a smut reader just kinda skip that or whatever either way it was extremely well written and gave me such inspiration like wowowowowow. so i made this piece inspired by that and i hope you guys like it. this is just kinda an opening to the whole thing and to kinda see how it works out so there is not any romance in this but trust me there will be but like i said i want to see how this goes if yall like if u do pls tell me tell me what u think ur thoughts everything i worked rlly hard on this so pls share like reblog do what you gotta do it would me a lot to me. thnx guys <3

“Maybe this piece goes here,” you mumbled to yourself. An action you always did but it was something your mother hated. Sitting atop your bed you concentrated your efforts in inventing a mixer that did its job on its own. Call it a hobby or a dream but inventing was your world. You loved the satisfaction of creating something with your own two hands especially if it helped people. Unfortunately, your parents the Prince and Princess of Summervale did not approve. They called it very unladylike. Your mother, Athela, would scold you about getting messy and dirty and then throw you in the tub like a little child. Your father, Edward, was always forcing you to learn how to seam. His mother used to do it and he wanted to pass it down to you. Those things didn’t excite you, didn’t make you complete. Inventing was something you loved and was always thinking about. As you would look at an apple tree during your morning stroll you would wonder about what inventions would be good for peeling apples whilst your parents bored you with duties as a Duchess.

“Almost done,” you screwed on the last screw to your creation. You had dirt under your nails and they were short and barely ever polished, only for special occasions. Your hair was almost every time how it was meant to be. None of those gels, ties, bows, again only for special occasions. Your mother, Athela, would buy you all these face creams, soaps, masks, but you were content with your scars and bumps, naming them every so often after royals, saying your “face was a castle and there should definitely be Queens and Kings roaming on it.” You were odd and different to others but to yourself you were this boring, normal, royal girl that everyone hated because you were granted everything you could ever want. Life was not that simple though. Sometimes when you have everything handed to you - all the money in the world - it still doesn’t fill up that hollow feeling inside or take away the sadness. It was something to help people cope but it was never the antidote.

“Alright...finished. What do you think Karim?” You hastily got out of bed and sat on the floor presenting your mixer to your pug. One very lovely vacation you took with your family you had learn a bit of Arabic. It was a beautiful language and you had made many friends there. You named your dog Karim meaning generous. Karim was generous, he was the only one who would look at your inventions. “Do you think it will work?” You gave a toothy grin, excited.

Karim grunted as he licked his nose, panting.

“I knew you would like it,” patting his head you jump up ready to show not just your parents but also the cooks. You had a very good feeling about this one. Every time you made an invention you had hope that maybe your parents would change their minds about your future but every occurrence was the same.

“Mother, father! Come look!” You yelled as you sprinted down the stairs not caring if your nightgown would get dirty sweeping across the floors of the castle. “Come quick!”

“What in the heavens is the matter my dear child?” Edward, your father, grumbled seeing you in such a hurry.

“See, father, in the kitchen.”

“In the kitchen?”

You passed by your mother, she tried to catch you but you slipped from her grip. “Young Lady why are you not dressed and groomed properly? You look like a mess.”

“Doesn’t matter, mother in this moment time is of the essence!” You arrived at the kitchen and grabbed a blue glass bowl, plopping it with a loud clank on the counter top.

“What are you doing y/n?” The cook asked. “You almost broke me bowl!” He was a plump older man, very short. His hair was salt and pepper and his face was as white as flour yet his cheeks were always red.

“Forgive me Huxley I just need to know. Need to see and dive deep into the unknown.” You opened up a recipe card that Huxley wrote down for your favorite cake. Vanilla cake, you were a simple girl. “Alright I need eggs and flour and oh yes milk! Almost forgot about the milk!” You were talking to yourself again as you ran around the kitchen like a mad woman.

“Is this another one of your inventions?” Huxley crossed his arms knowing about your obsession.

“Yes but my dear good old Huxley-”

“Old?” He lifted his brow.

“No time to explain, I have a tingling within me. This one is going to be it, I know it. Mother and father will finally see and believe in me.” You poured all the ingredients in the bowl. Your parents walked in, perplexed.

“Hello everyone. Today I show you something I have been working on the for the past week. I am very proud of myself but any who let me show you my newest invention-”

“Oh here we go again?” Athela rolled her eyes.

“The mixer!” You lifted it high in the air. “This mixer will not only mix greatly and fine it will mix to your acquired speed. Please watch.” You pulled the lever three times and then pushed the big button. The mixer turned on automatically with it squeaking from the gears. “As you can see the mixer is mixing all the ingredients together. No more of the hassle of blistered hands or tired arms, this does it for you! You can even look away and do other chores in the midst.” You turned around and your creation you thought so high about was creating smoke and making an odd sound.

“Um y/n,” Edward said, “is it supposed to do that?”

“Huh,” you turned to it again and all of a sudden the mixer started to go faster in speed. “Oh no.” The mixer then flew high in the air and starting to spin around like a mini airplane.

“Get down!” Huxley shouted and everyone in the room screamed in fear or bent down hiding under tables and items.

“Its alright everyone! Just a little mistake!” You climbed onto the tables trying to fetch the item. “Blasted thing.” You jumped onto the counter and caught it making it stop. Until it started to mix again and it caught a piece of your hair. You screamed loud and tried running away but hit the bowl of cake mix making it hurl in the air on top of your head making you slip from the batter onto your back. The mixer finally stopped. You groaned knowing you were about to hear it from your parents.

Athela stood up with a scowl on her face. “To your room. Now!”

You sat at your vanity disappointed with yourself. You had worked so hard on the mixer and had embarrassed yourself. Athela was standing next to you, glaring. Karim was laying in his bed munching on a treat and your maid Ruthy tended to your hair.

“I cannot believe you chose to do this on a day like today. Of all days!” Your mother was furious. Her gloved hands were held into fists. “You were supposed to be ready!”

“I know. I’m sorry mother.” In the end you always apologized even though you really hadn’t meant it. You hated when your mother was right especially about inventing. You always wanted to prove her wrong but it ended in outright disappointment.

“Look at this hair now.” Athela lifted the piece of hair that was wrapped around the mixer. “Can you save it Ruthy?”

Ruthy bit her lip as she heaved a sigh, “I’m sorry your Royal Highness it is very tangled I must cut it off.”

“Oh my! Are you sure?”

Ruthy nodded.

“Today of all days,” Athela repeated herself. “How will your future husband think of you now?”

“What?” You asked and then all was heard was a snip as Ruthy cut that one lock of hair.

“Make sure you take that disgusting batter out of her hair.” Athela pointed to your scalp.

“Mother what are you talking about?” You stood up throwing your precious now broken mixer onto your desk.

“My dear didn’t you not fall just mere minutes ago in that vanilla goop?”

“Thats not what I meant and you know it. I am asking about what you said about a future husband. What did you mean by that?”

Athela rubbed your shoulders up and down and broke into a huge smile. “My dear you are getting married!”

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @dirbel, @eastcoasthaven, @fangirl-4-life415 (wont let me tag), @melonreblogsstories, @reginalinettis

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earl-of-221b · 4 years

Note

sorry if this is a weird question but ive been thinking about picking up naruto but since its such a big commitment to finish i wanted to ask if you think its worth watching? since ive heard the ending had mixed reactions with its fans,,

There’s no better time to watch naruto than right now in quarantine I suppose. Yeah, naruto’s a mixed bag and I personally didn’t like the ending either, mostly because the Final Villain felt like they came out of left field, among other stuff. It sucks, but I never felt like I’d wasted my time with naruto. When I was watching the anime/reading the manga on the dot weekly it was fun as hell and I really got into the story. The Akatsuki leading up to the Pain arc, and the Sasuke and Itachi arc were my absolute favourites. It might be hard to watch the earlier Part 1 today since it is a bit dated - I did enjoy it as a young teen, but I sometimes rewatch bits of Part 2 naruto shippuden cos it still rules. All of the major plot twists happen in shippuden too, with plenty of time to be set up in Part 1. Once it hit the last and longest arc, the War arc, I started tuning out a bit. That said, I still genuinely like Naruto for the hours of fun it brought me. It has tons of flaws but also it also has tons of good content.

Ok, so here is the premise of naruto from my perspective (taken from a long discord convo I had, haha!) :

So the way I get it, watching naruto at 14-15 is about ninjas fighting each other :) They have cool abilities, and go to ninja school so they can become a full grown ninja in the future as a career option. They have ninja tournaments and naruto wants to do well so he can one day become the ninja president in their village, Konoha!

Watching Naruto when you’re older is about a highly militarised world where the last two world wars are all within living memory. Naruto's teachers and parents generation (including Kakashi the mask man) have all experienced war as children/teens, and grew up in never ending cold war-like tension against other ninja villages. The main characters are naruto, a young boy wanting to be a ninja, and sasuke, a young boy also wanting to be a ninja.

Both boys have really heavy backstories. Naruto, from a young age, has been shunned by the village like he's dirt for what looks like no apparent reason. But the reason is because he has a weapon of mass destruction sealed inside him, the nine tailed demon fox. There is a lot of mystery surrounding why on earth naruto has a demon fox inside him. So naruto is orphaned, sad, has a demon in him, has been living alone since he was like 7.

Because of this, naruto feels kinship to the only other person who also has nothing. A kid called Sasuke. Sasuke has as shitty a life as Naruto -- but what makes it kind of worse, in some sad, screwed up way -- is that he used to have a mostly normal, loving family. For the first 7 years of his life, he hung around in his huge Clan compound, being the second son of the clan leader. (It's called the Uchiha Clan). He has tons of clan pride, love from mum, and love from his big, prodigy bro, whom he hero worships.

But this all changed one night when his older bro, the perfect boy prodigy, snapped and killed his entire clan in one night. The bro, Itachi, leaves Sasuke alive for unknown reasons. So now Sasuke's entire life is about getting revenge on his bro for his clan.

Then the two boys get put into a three-man team with Sakura, a pink-haired star student in school who lives an utterly normal suburban home life. She also wants to be a ninja. Because this team is Special, the village leader assigns them a special teacher. A perpetually masked man, kakashi, who has connections to both naruto's mystery parents, and Sasuke's mystery clan powers. And that's kind of the premise.

So naruto's main goal, because he was shunned and isolated and unwanted for so long, wants to become the Village Leader -- that way everyone will have to acknowledge him as a person. And Sasuke's main goal is of course to get enough power to kill his absolutely fuckwaffle strong prodigy brother Itachi - nothing else matters in life.

And that’s kind of the premise of naruto.

Unfortunately, the anime is bogged down a lot by all these filler arcs (since the anime caught up to the manga quite a few times). If you try a few eps of naruto and decide it’s for you, I suggest going by this list to bypass unwanted filler: https://www.animefillerlist.com/shows/naruto.

And for Part 2: https://www.animefillerlist.com/shows/naruto-shippuden

#naruto

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monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my · 5 years

Text

What We Lost and What We Have:

Chapter 6: Sock puppets, stomachaches, and what you really learn in college

In which we meet a very strange nurse, talk about teen drug use and the plot thickens.

TW: Conversations about recreational drugs, questions about suicidal intentions, and brief mention of throwing up

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AU somewhat inspired by Episode 2x20 - What Is and What Should Never Be, and the season 14 storyline concerning Jack’s illness.

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AO3 Link

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

Complete Tumblr Chapter List

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Sam and Dean both decided to give the Kline’s a little space after after the incident with Jack’s lunch tray. Ironically both brothers using the excuse that they hadn’t had anything to eat since they arrived early that morning.

Jack seemed on the verge of mortified tears afterward and for selfish reasons or not neither wanted to be the one to push him over the edge.

The kid was already embarrassed enough.

The doctor had told the brothers (much to Dean’s chagrin) that at least one of them should come back in later that evening as they had a few more background questions for all of them once Jack had a chance to rest.

There was only so much the doctor was willing to do when they still didn’t know what was causing Jack’s symptoms but when Jack’s nausea refused to fade and several more bouts dry heaving literally drove Jack to tears they finally gave him anti-nausea drugs that had the added benefit of finally putting him back to sleep.

Getting a few hours of rest (plus something new the doctor gave him via IV to help with the fact he hadn’t eaten for a day and a half) seemed to perk Jack up a bit. At the very least Jack seemed a lot more calm when he woke up around three hours later.

Though, that could have also been the low dose of narcotic painkillers doctor Hannah also decided to give despite the risks when Jack’s stomach pain was bad enough to cause his heart rate to skyrocket.

It wasn’t enough narcotics to make Jack start accusing innocent staff members of being out to suck his blood again, but it was enough to render him quiet and subdued… and not at all like the Jack Castiel knew.

‘He could only watch and try to comfort Jack as he got sick and then hugged his stomach, literally crying with the pain the action caused him…’

A quiet Jack was better than a sobbing Jack, but it still terrified Cas.

It threw him back to sixteen years previously when Jack was first born, made him feel like he was failing Kelly all over again…

He remembered when Jack was four and a half and afraid of long clawed demons under his bed. ( strangely specific child that he was ) Then Castiel could consol him and promise to protect him from any monsters .

When Jack was seven and John died and Jack tried to run away from home, ( only getting so far as the neighbor down the street who lured him in with cookies and called Castiel ) he’d been able to reassure the traumatized boy that his parents and the people around him didn’t die because he was close to them.

“...you’re not cursed Jack, I promise… and I’m not planning on leaving you alone any time soon.”

But this…

Castiel couldn’t promise everything would be okay, he didn’t know how to fix this, he didn’t even know what this was…

Every little twitch Jack gave in his sleep, every harsh intake of breath was like an electric jolt to Cas’s heart, terrifying him that Jack would start seizing again.

By the time that Jack was awake again and Cas was able to call the Winchester’s back in he was thirty-six hours without sleep and felt on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Med student party here yet?” Cas heard the now unfortunately familiar voice of Dean Winchester over his shoulder.

“No…” Cas said dully, hand tightening over Jack’s as he broke into another fit of harsh wheezy coughs.

‘The antibiotics either weren’t helping the pneumonia or were taking far too long to kick in for comfort.’

“I...I don’t really feel up to p-party,” Jack muttered with a tiny wry smile.

“You feeling any better buddy?” Sam’s voice was a little more tolerable.

“They gave me more drugs?” Jack said bluntly, perhaps the amount of pain meds he was given was still enough to make the teenager a more aloof if not completely loopy.

As scared as Jack must be Cas didn’t have it in him for him to be upset with Jack being a little… high, as it were.

‘Anything to keep away the horrible tears of pain.’

“They’re waiting for me to let them know you’re here…” Cas explained quickly to the brothers reaching for the nurse call button and using the moment to compose himself.

“I thought we were done with all the questions?” Dean sighed pacing by the window like nervous rather unimpressive tomcat not looking at anyone.

“Well apparently they didn’t get what they needed last time.” Cas tried not to think that more questions meant the doctors were at a loss with what answers they did get.

“It probably had something to do with you ‘scaring the crap’ out of the person who was recording them…” Cas glared choosing to believe that instead.

Dean’s eyes narrowed for a moment and he opened his mouth as if to say something scathing but Sam surprised Castiel by speaking up.

“Well whatever the reason pointing fingers won’t help anyone,” Sam said taking Dean’s old spot by the far end of the bed. It seemed like while Sam was rendered relatively unable to function when it came to Jack that same reservations did not stand for confronting his argumentative older brother or Castiel.

“So how about this time we all sit down, and shut up, and get this over with and then neither of you will have to see each other again if you don’t want to…” Sam said with an air of aggressive calm, folded his hands in his lap.

Jack eyes seemed to dart between each one of them tense and nervous, clutching at the sheets without a word.

Castiel felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

He and Dean took their seats… quietly.

They sat awkwardly like two children who’d just been chewed out by the principal until the silence was broken by a knock on the door.

Well… a series of knocks… to the tune of… Yankee Doodle?

Jack’s eyes darted between his uncle and the door like he wasn’t sure if he actually heard what he thought he heard or if the drugs were just kicking in.

“Come in?” Castiel said hesitantly.

The door opened and in stepped not the nervous med student, but another more suspicious looking individual.

Another… nurse?

“Hello,” said the strange skinny man in seemingly oversized giraffe print scrubs. He had a smile about as appropriate for the tense atmosphere as sunbather in a snowstorm, “My name is Garth but you can call me nurse Fitzgerald and I’m here to help Jack and you all with a patient history today.”

Dean shot Sam a confused look that was ignored.

“What happened to the other g-guy?” Jack hacked into the back of his hand, looking wary of having yet another stranger in his room.

"Well, Kevin was having a bit of a hard time, so the head nurse wanted someone with a bit more experience to finish it,” Nurse Fitz-… Garth shrugged the left sleeve of his scrubs dangerously close to sliding off his narrow shoulder, “they send me in when things get a little hinky,"

"Hinky?" Castiel's eyebrows rose.

"Well I say hinky," Garth smiled, "I think it's a much nicer word than the one nurse Master's used... that I won't use in front of a child.

The child in the room looked mildly offended.

"Or what was written on the chart," he picked up Jack’s chart clipboard off the end of the bed and flicked it significantly, “which is… ''disorderly"."

Dean scoffed, "Please, we weren't "disorderly”,” he drew quotation marks in the air.

The strange skinny man just continued to smile shrugging, "okay well you made poor Kevin cry in the on-call room so I wouldn't exactly call that "functional behavior"."

Dean’s mouth opened looking defensive but for a second time the words were lost behind an interruption.

“Sorry…” Jack said quietly, clearing his throat, “they… they mean well… I think…”

“We should… probably apologize to this Kevin though…” Castiel said sheepishly.

“Probably…” Dean muttered noncommittally refusing to look at Castiel.

“What’s that?” Sam spoke up suddenly sounding confused, everyone turning to see at what he pointing at.

I appeared to be a strange looking… sock with lips? hanging of Nurse Garth’s scrubs pocket.

“Oh him?” the nurse pulled the object out his pocket smiling at it fondly before slipping it over one hand, “This… is Mr. Fizzles.”

He opened and closed the sock puppet’s mouth in Jack’s general direction as the boy looked on warily pressed against his pillows.

“A lot of kids find a friend easier to talk to than a stranger, especially when in a big scary place like the hospital.”

He looked at Jack expectantly.

“I...I think I’ll pass…” the teenager said turning a little pink.

Garth seemed mildly disappointed but shrugged and surreptitiously tucked the sock back in his pocket picking back up the chart.

“Well Kevin’s handwriting started getting illegible at… drugs…” he looked up expectantly at Castiel’s affronted face.

“He had a tablet of ibuprofen about seven hours before the seizure and then a second four hours later, but no Jack does not do drugs,” Castiel said flatly.

“I think… he was asking Jack…” Sam said carefully watching Jack who was refusing to look back, scratching at the adhesive over the line in his arm.

“I don’t… do drugs…” Jack said quietly.

Castiel gave nurse Garth a satisfied “see” look.

“But there was… this one time,” Jack coughed sheepishly.

Everyone was suddenly staring at Jack who seemed to be trying to disappear into his hospital mattress.

“Jack…” Cas’s heart sunk more disappointed than angry, he didn’t have a chance to ask why before Jack cut him off seeming desperate to explain.

“It… it was just one time… Noah offered me a hit?” his eyebrows drew together and he looked unsure at the terminology, “of a joint he had?”

Dean gave an impressive little huff earning him a dirty look from Cas.

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t go to college…” Dean shrugged, shooting Sam a knowing smile he refused to return.

“It was just the one time though!” Jack said quickly looking at Cas pleadingly, “It was really, really gross and… and I never did it again!”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Castiel asked exasperated, trying not to show Sam or Dean how hurt he was. What made it worse was he knew how stereotypical it was for a parent to think their teenager would never lie to them. Half the parent teacher conferences he had to call at the high school were dealing with people under such delusions.

“I… I didn’t want to get Noah in trouble…” Jack mumbled biting his lip and refusing to look Cas in the eye.

“Noah?” Castiel mentally ran over his shortlist of acquaintances Jack talked about and came up empty. “Wait… Noah Ophis?” Castiel felt completely at a loss when Jack’s blush seemed to confirm it, “Jack… wasn’t Noah the one who locked you in the school gym’s weight room and then stuck gum in the lock so we had to call maintenance to disassemble the door to get you out?”

“It… was never confirmed…” Jack muttered turning brighter red glancing back between his older brothers as if expecting them to laugh.

“How long ago did you ‘get silly with Mary Jane’?” Garth broke in on the tense moment seeming unbothered.

Jack looked extremely confused for a long moment, “Six… months ago?”

Garth wrote that down, “well it’s probably not that then, the devil’s lettuce only lasts like… a few hours, unless you snort it that’s worse...”

Castiel really did not believe that was an actual way people consumed marajauna… he had gone to college after all.

Cas suppressed the need to start in on a long speech about peer pressure, lying, and the dangers of underage recreational drug use (especially when you didn’t know the source), but now was not the time, not now with as Jack as sick as he was. He would be taking advantage of a secret Jack only willingly told because he was scared for his own safety, and Jack’s health might rely on him being honest with his doctors.

Though Cas was relieved when the next question was, just “Do you have any animal friends?”

He felt his confidence as a surrogate parent had taken enough of a hit for the moment.

“Well… I have Felix… but I don’t know if he thinks of me as a friend, I’ve read their brains can’t really process that sort of thing?” Jack’s eyebrows furrowed in thought.

Sam’s eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline.

Maybe the drugs had a stronger effect on Jack than Castiel first realized.

“What is Felix?” Sam looked completely at a loss.

Jack blinked, “A corn snake,” he said like it should be obvious.

Dean seemed to recoil slightly and then snorted, a very, “of course I’m going to judge the character of a kid I don’t know based on the fact he keeps a snake…” noise.

That was a big mistake… Castiel knew Jack was fairly shy but he’d been on the wrong end of one of Jack’s, “I must defend the honor of snakes everywhere,” speeches before when the Jack was first trying to convince his uncle to let him keep Felix.

“Felix is really great!” he insisted, probably louder than he should have judging by the short fit of coughs that followed. He cleared his throat before croaking, “N-not only do corn snakes eat d-disease carrying pests, they're really gentle, and they’re easy to breed in captivity, and they’re from the US so they... they don’t c-contribute to the… the e-exotic pet trade…”

Castiel remembered vividly Jack showing up in his classroom clutching a shoe box the day before winter break, nervous but determined. He’d gone into a spiel about how a boy had brought the snake to the lunch room to show it off but the boy was planning to kill it at the end of the day with a rock because he thought it was ‘kinder’.

“He said he couldn’t get it to eat, but! he only tried one thing and... and you can’t let him do that, he doesn’t deserve that…”

He’d practically begged Castiel to let him keep the snake, “even if it was just for a little while,” and then spent the next week researching and trying to feed it different things, bringing everything from bags of frozen mice to eggs and minnow into the house before he’d had success.

Cas remembered the huge grin on Jack’s face when he finally succeeded heard him whisper, “see you’re going to be okay now,” into Felix’s enclosure when he thought his uncle wasn’t watching.

Jack dissolved into another fit of coughing near the end of his snake rant, doubling up as Castiel laid a worried hand on his shoulder.

“Fine fine kid jeez…” Dean raised his hands in mock surrender, looking mildly alarmed, “I believe you, don’t lose a lung over it…”

“Snakes are great you’re just a mean,” Jack muttered breathily with one laugh hacking cough, sinking wearily back in his bed. The short bout of passion seemed to have taken a lot out of him.

“I don’t really like snakes, I’m sure they’re great but the way they look at me makes me nervous y'know?” Nurse Garth Gave a shiver, no one knew what he meant. “Also they can carry salmonella…”

The nurse spent the next half hour asking more questions of various degrees of embarrassment. Each answer the brother’s gave grew increasingly bored and each answer Jack gave getting softer as he grew increasingly drowsy.

Any energy Jack gained by resting seemed to run out of him like water through a sieve and soon he had fallen back asleep. Castiel knew seizures could take a lot out of a person but this? This felt different. He breathed deeply to calm himself down, told himself he never finished nursing school, let alone medical school like the doctor’s taking care of Jack.

‘He was in good hands…’

He carefully straightened Jack’s blankets, trying not to listen to the wheezy quality of Jack’s breathing even in sleep.

“Did you get all the answers you needed?” Castiel asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt and of the sleep the boy managed to get.

The nurse smiled looking a little too pleased with himself, “yup just about the entire thing, I don’t know what Kevin was upset about you all seem like very nice people.”

Dean looked up mildly guilt pulling his hand back from where he’d been trying to fish the sock puppet out of Garth’s pocket, while Sam hid his face in his hands. “Yeah… um… so it’s fine for us to take off now?”

‘Of course…’

Garth nodded satisfied, “yeah, visiting hours for everyone but parents are ending soon, and the kid looks like he’s had all the fun he can handle for today.”

Castiel just nodded in agreement trying not to seem to eager carefully fixing Jack’s mussed up hair, “I think he’s had enough of strangers for now…”

That was enough for Dean who left with one last indignant puff of air but Sam stayed back for a moment tettering as was his custom in the doorway.

“Call if something changes?” he asked, like he was half unsure he should say the words.

Cas offered a tight smile, “sure…”

-------------------------

Sam and Dean left for their home and hotel respectively the nurse leaving soon after to give Castiel and more importantly Jack some time to rest.

The nurses mostly let Jack be through the evening only coming in once or twice to record his vitals and give him more of the drugs the doctor prescribed earlier, Jack thankfully remained asleep during the visits.

He seemed mostly stable much to Cas’s relief though that could have just been due to the pain and nausea meds masking the worst of his symptoms. It wasn’t until Jack reached a full twenty-four hours without another seizure that Castiel finally let himself relax.

It wasn’t until much later, half past midnight that the doctor came in again.

Castiel had finally fallen asleep in a recliner chair one of the nurses graciously brought in when they realized he was staying with Jack for another night..

‘They’d explained it was standard practice for when a parent stayed with their child on the ward…’

He’d been woken rather unceremonious by doctor Hannah pulling a cumbersome looking machine into Jack’s room.

“What’s… What’s going on?” he asked dumbly rubbing at his face, the confusion quickly turning to alarm when he saw the look on the doctor’s face.

Her face was mostly calm, but her eyebrows were furrowed and her mouth was pressed in a thin tense line.

“I… need you to wake up Jack…” she said something worrying in her calm voice Castiel couldn’t quite identify.

Castiel immediately began to panic head snapping up to the monitor of Jack’s vitals. Everything seemed the same, except the fever which had risen to an even hundred degrees.

“Is… What’s wrong?” He asked in as hushed a tone as he could manage.

The doctor gave him a reassuring smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“I just need to check something…” she said unhelpfully.

Castiel tried to breathe evenly and remain calm as he gently shook Jack’s shoulder.

‘What was so bad you’d wake a sick kid in the middle of the night?’

He gently shook Jack’s shoulder, calling his name, Jack barely moved, his eyes twitched and he let out a soft cough.

Castiel frowned shaking his shoulder a little more forcefully eliciting an unhappy groan from Jack as he rolled away as far as the tubing on his face would allow him.

‘At least it was confirmation he wasn’t comatose or something…’

“The painkillers he’s on can have a sedative effect,” she frowned, “it’s always best to try to wake someone up naturally but I did bring something if that doesn’t work.

She produced a set of keys from her pocket to unlock the set of rolling drawers the machine she brought was propped on top of.

“Wait,” Castiel quickly held up a hand, “there’s one thing I haven’t tried yet…” he leant down close to Jack’s ear, “Jack… come on you have to get up… we’re going to be late to school…”

Jack tensed up and groaned, “I… I don’t want to, I don’t feel good…” he grumbled face screwing up.

Cas huffed a sad laugh, gently ruffling his hair to keep him from falling back out, “I know Jack, but you still need to wake up.”

Jack finally blinked woefully up at him, “you said I didn’t have to go…” His croaked eyes wandered towards the window as he coughed to clear his throat, “it’s still dark out…” he muttered bewildered.

“I know, I know… you don’t have to go to school, you can go back to sleep... in a little bit?” Cas looked back toward the doctor who offered him another thin smile, neither confirming or denying.

“But doctor Hannah she needs to talk to us… for now, alright?” Castiel said still gently squeezing his shoulder...

Jack just blinked and nodded trustingly too tired to question it.

Doctor Hannah ducked down to his level whispering, “I’m going to turn on the lights now and I need you to roll on your side like before okay?”

Jack looked wary breath speeding up, “P-please don’t stick another needle in my back…”

“It’s okay Jack, I promise I’m not going to do that honey,” she said gently flipping on a switch and making everyone in the room wincing at the sudden brightness, “I just need to run an ultrasound on your back and abdomen…”

Jack looked even more confused, face morphing into mildly suspicion, “But… I can’t have babies?”

Doctor Hannah actually chucked, “No that’s not all we use ultrasound for, and that’s not what I’m looking for…”

“What are you looking for?” Castiel couldn’t hold himself back from asking, fidgeting in the recliner.

The doctor’s face dropped a little before she could stop it, “I’ll let you know if I see it, I… I don’t want to alarm you,”

Her eyes drifted back to Jack with an unspoken, ‘or him’ .

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed but he still did as he was told and the doctor guided him onto his side before pulling down the blanket to his waist and undoing the ties on the upper half of his hospital gown while he blushed pink.

When she carefully began to probed Jack’s back it became abundantly clear the medication didn’t completely numb his pain.

He barely held back a cry of pain between clenched teeth, reducing it to a strained groan, his whole body shaking.

Castiel reach for his hand which was clenched around the bed sheets. “It’s okay Jack… I’m here.”

“Th-that… that really hurts,” Jack mumbled tearfully.

“I know Jack I know…” the doctor said seemingly lost in thought

doing her best to move quickly through prep procedures for the ultrasound. Applying a plastic cover over the wand and spreading clear gel on a portion of his back.

Jack looked like he was trying not to scream when the doctor finally pressed the ultrasound wand into his back, teeth gritted together heart rate spiking.

The doctor’s eyes were fixed on the ultrasound screen beside the bed looking grim and Castiel wished not for the first time that he’d finished his degree so he’d know what she saw.

‘All he could do was hold Jack’s hand.’

“Shit…” he barely heard the doctor mutter as she set aside the wand and gingerly wiped away the gel on Jack’s back.

There were already already tears welling in Jack’s eyes when she had him turn back onto his back.

The doctor promised to be as quick and gentle as she could as she repeated the process with the upper part of Jack’s abdomen.

Jack was shaking and crying silently by the time it was over, and the doctor was if anything quieter.Terrifyingly lost in thought.

Castiel carefully helped him back into his gown, telling him softly that he did well and could go back to sleep soon.

Jack watched the doctor red eyed and wary gripping the blankets a little too tightly even as he wilted exhausted back against the bed.

The doctor waited until the teenager seemed to have calmed back down before speaking.

“Jack… I’m going to ask your uncle and you some questions and I need you to be as honest as possible, alright?”

The tone of doctor Hannah’s voice set off the already ringing alarm bells in Cas’s mind to a shrieking pitch.

Jack nodded cautiously, “O-okay…” he said shakily.

The doctor began pacing at the foot of his bed hands clasping anxiously at one another.

“You said Jack had a headache a few hours before he had a seizure at the restaurant and that you gave him ibuprofen for it, are you sure it was ibuprofen and not aspirin?”

Castiel blinked, “yes I’m sure I know better than to give a child aspirin, and I even remember the brand I bought, it was Advil…”

“It’s was a blue... package,” Jack said after a moment coughing into his elbow, exhaustion, and illness fogging his brain.

The doctor nodded and resumed her pacing, “and… how much did you give him?” she asked seeming careful about her phrasing.

“A lower dose, one tablet… and then another four hours later…” Castiel said suspiciously, “what is this about?”

The doctor hesitated, “did you see Jack take them both times?”

There was a long pause as Jack looked increasingly upset, “wh-what are you tr-trying to say?”

“What are you suggesting?” Castiel knew full well what she was asking but he couldn’t believe he’d heard it.

“I…” she paused and sighed, “I have to ask it’s very important.”

Jack seemed to understand despite everything, “I...I wouldn’t, I couldn’t d-do that I…” his breathing sped up.

“The first thing Jack asked about when he woke up was school and needing to take care of his pet? Does that really strike you as someone who would try to… to…” Cas paused, “to hurt themselves?”

“I… I was upset and sad after what happened but…” Jack’s forehead wrinkled again as his breathing grew more frantic and his heart rate rose with it, “I wouldn’t, I didn’t do that…” he muttered eyes pleading and filling back up with tears, “please believe me.”

“I know Jack… I do believe you,” Castiel reassured him gently squeezing his shoulder.

A thought dawned on Cas and he reached for his coat still hanging off the back of his chair, “he really physically couldn’t…”

Castiel pulled a small half crushed blue box from the pocket of the coat, “I didn’t even buy a bottle of pills they didn’t have any in the hotel commissary they only had it in a box of packets and there were only four pills to start with…”

‘The stupid box had cost a whole ten dollars regardless.’

He handed it over for the doctor to see, “and there’s still two left…”

The doctor looked in the box then checked the date on the bottom, but instead of looking relieved like Cas expected…”

She just looked... frustrated?

“Alright… I’m sorry, we had to rule that out as a possibility…” she sighed.

The apology did nothing to placate Jack, who just stared at her distrustfully tears running silently down his cheeks hugging himself still breathing too fast.

Castiel tried to resist the anger and resentment building up in his own chest he knew the doctor was just doing her job, but it was late and the already ill and drug addled Jack was not tolerating being woken in the middle of the night to be painfully prodded, cross examined, and accused of hurting himself very well.

He placed a protective hopefully comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder, “couldn’t you have just tested for a possible overdose in the blood samples you took instead of coming in here past midnight and harassing him?”

“If the problem was being caused by taking too much ibuprofen it would be important to find out and treat as soon as possible.”

“W-why?” Jack mumbled hunching forward red-eyed and shaking his breath coming out in uncomfortably fast puffs, “what… what’s wrong with me?”

He looked how Castiel felt, on the verge of panic.

“Jack, it’s alright I need you to calm down…” the doctor said looking warily between him and the vitals reading on the monitor.

‘That didn’t calm him down.’

“You… you don’t know d-do you?” Jack sobbed continuing to hyperventilate, heart beating about a mile a minute on the monitors, “y-you don’t…” he coughed, the developing panic attack not helping his already labored breathing, coughing soon turning to wheezing.

Castiel’s mouth became a thin anxious line as he wrapped a supportive arm around his shoulders.

“Jack?”

The doctor moved quickly back over to the locked set of drawers retrieving a vial and injecting something into Jack’s IV line, “it’s alright it’s okay… just try to breathe deeply Jack…”

Jack tried, leaning on his uncle tears running down his face even when his breathing slowed and he relaxed as whatever drug the doctor gave him took effect.

The doctor and Castiel gently helped him lean back into his pillows as his eyes blinked blearily, “it’s alright… just rest now… you’re alright…”

She didn’t look like even she believed what she was saying as he drifted quickly back into unconsciousness the rise and fall of his chest slowly evening back out.

Castiel felt as if a live wire was clenched between his teeth.

“What happening to Jack?” he managed an impossibly calm tone.

The doctor sighed taking a moment to steal herself before answering. “Most of the tests we have back so far… they came back inconclusive… There was no sign of meningitis or encephalitis in his spinal fluid, no… conclusive signs of infection in his blood at all…”

“But,” Castiel said feeling miles away.

“But… between the blood taken when he was first admitted and a few hours ago, we’ve found a significant increase in his liver enzymes and protein levels and if… they don’t improve in the next few hours I want to look at transferring him to Kansas University hospital…”

Castiel felt like the ground was dropping from beneath him, “and… the pain, what you were testing for just now that was…”

The doctor paused for an even longer moment before answering, “Jack’s liver and kidneys… are showing signs of inflammation… and the blood tests results are signs they’re starting to lose function…”

‘Failing… she meant they were beginning to fail’

“And you don’t know why…” Castiel mumbled numbly.

The doctor said nothing...

Notes:

Dun dun dun, and the plot thickens, hopefully the introduction of nurse Garth managed to lighten things up a bit before the darker second half and reveal.

If you enjoyed this chapter and have the time and/or inclination please let me know what you thought :)

#SPN #Supernatural #Castiel #Jack Kline #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #fanfiction #whump #humor #illness #family drama #garth fitzgerald iv #Hannah #TW drugs #TW vomit mention #only accusations of not an actual attempt of overdose #kylermalloy

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obertsonpddamarispb86insura-blog · 5 years

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audi a3 insurance cost

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haechanhearts · 6 years

Text

christmas illness

prompt: “you didn’t think i’d let you spend christmas alone, did you?”

pairing: kun x reader

word count: tbd

genre: fluff

this is a christmas collab with @worldwidehansum and @camcamlovesbangchan

read their parts here & here

“so you’re really not going to the christmas party?” kun asks you through the phone.

“i feel like i’m dying, kun. i’ve been puking all day, and i don’t want to ruin the party by going.” you respond while laying down in bed.

“but i do want you to go, though. you shouldn’t miss out on the fun because i caught a stomach bug.” you continue.

“well I don’t know, the only reason I agreed to go was because I would be able to spend more time with you. and if I don’t get to do that, then I don’t have much motivation to go.” he sighs after telling you.

“come on, kun! taeyong would be so upset if you don’t go! please go and have fun! i’ll go to the next party. and you can tell taeyong that.”

“alright y/n, i’ll go if it’ll make you happy!” kun tells you in a teasing tone before saying goodbye and ending the phone call.

tossing your phone to the side of you, you curl up under your blankets once again, still feeling queasy. you really did want to go to the party, especially since your parents decided that this year would be perfect to go on a christmas vacation. unfortunately, eating a full tub of ice cream by yourself the previous day wasn’t a good decision because you were throwing it all up today. you didn’t want to disappoint kun, but you also didn’t want to bring the mood down either.

you turned on your tv and switched through the channels but ultimately picked a random one since nothing interesting was on. it was currently 5:30, and the party should be starting in a few hours. you saw all of your friends getting ready on snapchat and it really made you feel bummed that you weren’t going. deciding that you don’t want to check social media for the rest of the night, you turn off your phone and try to shut your eyes to get in some sleep.

you did end up dozing off, but you weren’t sure for how long. what woke you up was the loud ring of your doorbell repeating. scurrying out of bed, you quickly jog to the door, looking through the peephole first. you weren’t expecting anybody to show up, so you wanted to make sure you were safe. you saw kun waiting in front of the door, wearing what looked like pajamas.

“kun, what are you doing here?” you ask, still trying to shake off the drowsiness that you had from your nap.

“I've been calling you, and you didn’t answer so I thought you were hurt or something! you can’t worry me like that!” he quickly responds while embracing you in a short hug.

“how would I have been hurt?”

“well how would I know? maybe you puked to death, or slipped on your vomit, or fainted from the lack of fluids or something.”

laughing a little, you open the door so that kun can enter. he walks in while also bringing a plastic bag with him.

“what’s with the bag? and why aren’t you dressed for the party? what time is it?” you jumble out as kun takes a seat on your couch.

“well, I brought you some chicken broth. that’s why I called you to make sure you liked the one I got. I know you haven’t eaten much so I got you something light. and i’m not dressed because i’m not going. and it currently is 7:46.” kun explains and answers each of your questions.

“I don’t want to go because I know that I wouldn’t have a good time knowing that you were stuck in bed. I am here to take care of you!” kun continues.

“what do you mean ‘take care’ of me?” you chuckle a bit before saying, “kun, I've been taking care of myself all day! trust me, I can manage. please go have fun!”

“y/n, I 100% know that you haven’t been drinking much water and you definitely haven’t eaten either. and that you aren’t covering yourself in enough blankets.” kun rambles, almost like he was checking off a list on all of your mistakes today.

letting out a sigh, you agree with him because technically he was right.

“go lay down, i’ll bring you your soup.” kun tells you as he gently pushes you towards your room.

turning around quickly, you face him.

“i can assure you that i can get the soup myself! don’t stress about me! i’m fine.”

he turns your body and starts to gently push you to your room. he takes a glance at your bed and sees only one blanket.

“y/n, that’s definitely not enough blankets! you have to sweat out your sick feeling. where do you keep your blankets?” kun asks as he rummages around your closet. he found a few and unraveled them to toss on top of you.

“are you warm now?”

“mhmm. extremely.” you respond. “don’t you think you’re going a little overboard with this? kun, i’m telling you, i’m fine! i feel a lot better than i did earlier.”

“so you can go to the party then!” kun tells you.

frowning, you say, “my stomach still isn’t in top notch condition, so no. but you can go and enjoy yourself! i don’t want to be a burden.”

a little bit of backstory, you met kun on the first day of university when he accidentally hit you while riding his bike. at the time, you thought kun was extremely irritating, but he bought you coffee almost everyday to make up for it. with all those times, you learned more about him and basically became good friends.

kun rubs your back soothingly as you make sure that nothing more would come out. youfelt a little embarrassed, but stood up to brush four teeth.

“y/n, i love you. you aren’t a burden. i’ll go get your soup, okay?” kun responds before leaving your room and entering the kitchen.

as kun was pouring the soup into a bowl, he heard fast footsteps. after, he heard a retching sound. jogging towards the bathroom, he sees you bent over the toilet bowl, looking tired.

“now i really can’t leave you alone. go lay down, and i’ll make you some tea instead.” kun tells you while walking you to your room.

softly chuckling, you lay in your bed, suddenly feeling extremely cold.

kun comes back a few minutes later with a cup of tea in his hands. he places it on the side of your bed. he noticed your eyes closed and assumed you were sleeping so he turned to leave the room.

“kun?”

“yes, y/n?”

i’m really cold.”

“let me get you some more blankets.”

“no it’s alright. i- uh. can you lay down with me?”

kun didn’t respond for a little bit, and you thought that you maybe overstepped the boundaries.

“i’m sorry, is that weird? just forget i said anything.”

“no, no! i just, i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

he slowly lays down next to you, over your layers of blankets. kun didn’t get too close to you, either.

“i think i’m gonna take a nap. you can leave, if you want,” you slightly whisper while closing your eyes once again.

“you didn’t think i’d let you spend christmas alone, did you?” kun tells you while shutting his eyes as well.

you laugh a little bit before dozing off into a light sleep. what you didn’t notice, was kun falling asleep as well.

you woke up about an hour later, with kun’s hand lightly draped on your arm. your ears suddenly got red when you realized the situation. you decided to get up and try to eat. while trying to stand up without disturbing kun, he woke up when you grabbed his hand to gently remove it off of you.

“was i holding you? oh no that’s embarrassing, i’m sorry!” kun says while rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“don’t worry about it, it’s fine. i’m going to try and eat some soup.” you say. “and i also have a gift for you. “

“a gift? y/n, you really didn’t have to.” kun says while standing up with you.

after warming up your soup, you lead kun into your living room where you very small but charismatic tree stood. under it, were a few neatly wrapped gifts- mostly for your parents, but there was one small present in the corner.

“it’s not much, but i really wanted to get you something.” you say.

kun takes the present from you and carefully opens it. inside the small box was a deck of cards. kun lets out a small giggle when he sees what it is.

“i know that you’ve been into your magic tricks recently, and i saw you accidentally set your cards on fire last week when we were with johnny so, yeah! i hope you like it.” you ramble.

kun pulls you into a tight hug. “i love it, y/n. thank you! i’m sorry i didn’t get you anything.”

“don’t worry about it! i don’t need anything right now,” you say with a smile on your face.

“y/n, ive been meaning to tell you something, and i’ve been thinking about it a lot, and i was going to tell you at the party, but i think it’s as good a time as any,” kun tells you, still in his embrace.

pulling from his hug, you ask him, “what is it?”

“well, do you remember the day we met? i accidentally hit you with my bike,” he says.

softly chuckling, you say, “of course i do, i still have a small scar on my knee! but if that didn’t happen, we wouldn’t be friends.” you tell him.

“and i love being friends with you, and i love spending time with you. and i love your personality. and i’ve been thinking about that, and our relationship. and basically what i’m trying to say is that i really like you. i like like you.” kun rambles while smiling near the end.

“you like like me?”

“yes, i like like you. it sounds childish but i do mean it.”

you couldn’t stop smiling before saying, “well kun, i like like you too. a whole bunch.”

“really?”

“yes really!” you say.

you’re suddenly pulled into another hug, with kun rocking you side to side.

“lets go on a date, y/n! right now!” kun says excitedly.

“we can’t do that. it’s christmas so everything is closed, AND i’m definitely not able to leave this house right now. how about next week?”

“next week sounds great! that sounds perfect!” kun says.

“merry christmas, kun!”

“merry christmas, y/n.”

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bastillewolf · 6 years

Text

Last Winter (Bucky/Reader/Steve) - Chapter IV

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader, (in later chapters!)Steve Rogers/Reader

Summary: Even though he claims to be as tough as he appears to be, James Buchanan Barnes doesn’t have a skin made of metal. While he has to work hard for his money, keep his best friend from picking a fight and his sister protected, he feels as if the slightest breeze might be able to push him over. That is until a stranger picks an interest in him and helps him find his way back home. Whatever home feels like.

Warnings: (Not all apply to this chapter) Strong female characters, mentions of violence and death, angst, mental health issues, future sexual content

Notes: Please let me know if you prefer an original character or a reader-insert, it means a lot to me. I’m never really sure how to write down what the reader feels considering everyone reacts differently to situations so if no one comments anything, I’ll make this O.C. instead of reader-insert.

Tag List: (Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list)

CHAPTER IV - This Is The Army, Mister Barnes

Bucky sighed as he closed the door behind him and hung his coat on the peg. It was late and he was already not looking forward to going back to work the day after tomorrow. He was taking off his shoes when he heard a slight shuffling sound coming from the kitchen.

“Hey Becca,” he greeted as he walked into the kitchen, finding his little sister drinking milk straight from the carton.

She looked up at him with eyes like a deer caught in headlights, and then nearly dropped the drink when she inspected him further. “What the hell happened to you?!” She ran up to him to inspect his bruises with her hands, which Bucky pried quickly off with a scrunched up face when it stung.

“Watch your mouth. And I’m fine. I just got into a small fight, it was nothing.”

“Was it about some girl?”

That made Bucky chuckle, “Something like that. Now go back to bed. It’s late.”

She froze in confusion, taking a step back from him.

“What? Do I have something weird on my face apart from blood?” he asked in amusement.

“Who are you and what did you do to Bucky?”

He chuckled in bafflement, “What?”

“First off, you were gone till long after curfew, and you always scold me when I break it, so who says you get to break it? I should get to scold you now! Second off, you just caught me drinking from the carton, which you did not scold me for, for some weird reason. Not that I’m saying you should, but I’d just like to point that out. And lastly, you go out with a girl, and then you don’t want to flaunt about it? What is up with you today?!”

He’d waited patiently for her to finish, partially because he was in an unbreakable good mood but also because he didn’t really know what to say to her. He simply watched with raised brows until she sat down at the kitchen table with a huff and took a seat next to her. Clearly frustrated with his antics, she crossed his arms and turned her eyes away from him, waiting for some stupid excuse she knew he’d come up with.

What she didn’t expect, was for him to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer. It was then that she finally let go and started sobbing quietly into his shoulder. She didn’t care if his suit was going to be ruined, nor did he.

It took some time and care along with a mug of warm milk for her to finally calm down.

“I’m sorry, sis. I didn’t mean for you to blow a fuse.”

She chuckled a bit at that but punched him right after in the chest. Not too hard, it was meant to be more of a loving sibling way. “You just had me worried sick. Now tell me what happened.”

So he did. He told her everything and he had to admit that it felt so relieving to finally get it all off his chest. It was a story he’d never thought he’d tell, and yet here he was.

“Oh gosh, don’t,” he sighed, immediately regretting the decision of explaining it to his sister when he looked at the look on her face. “I’m going to bed.”

“You’re completely doll dizzy!” she laughed hysterically.

“You know what, why don’t we talk about the fact that you opened the door to a stranger, drank out of the carton and-“

“Alright, alright. Sorry, I’m just happy for you.”

“And you’re never going to let me hear the end of it.”

“Exactly. So, when are you going to see her again?”

“I don’t know. I’ll see if I bump into her,” Bucky replied. Of course, he was merely telling Rebecca this to keep the last bit of his dignity intact. He was going to visit the dame as soon as possible.

“So you are going to see her again.” He knew she wasn’t asking and avoided her smirk as he got up.

Four months. It had been four months since he’d last seen her.

When he had tried to contact the number she had given him, no one had picked up. And he had tried to dial every day until he’d run out of quarters for the phone booth right around the block. The address she had been staying at appeared to be completely abandoned when he’d gone to visit it the next weekend like no one had ever even inhabited it in the first place.

And she hadn’t shown up for Christmas. What an idiot, he was. He should’ve expected the tradition to never end, and yet he had kept his hopes up. Nothing but disappointment had come that day.

So, he had kept himself busy. He started working more hours and went out as much as he could. Whether he went to the factory or to the cinema, there was always somewhere he felt like there was something more he should be doing. Every time Steve had asked him what in the world he was doing, he had shrugged it off and told him that he was just saving up and having some fun. It was normal at his age to go dancing as much as he did, after all. It wasn’t normal, however, to endure the labor he was doing. To that, he kept telling Steve, and partially himself as well, that he was training to make a good impression in the army.

He gradually forgot about her, about the feeling she left behind, about the way she looked and acted and even the words she had spoken to him. Because what else could he do. It was ridiculous to think of what could’ve been, had she still been there.

The only thing that mattered was that his sister had finally gotten into a good boarding school, Steve had applied for art school with the extra bit of money Bucky had managed to scramble together and that he himself had gotten enlisted in the army. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, of the 107th infantry. A good position for a soldier such as him.

“Barnes!” A voice snapped him out of his daze.

He experienced those a lot lately, that floating feeling as if he were dreaming, where his mind always tried to slip back to that big dark inescapable blotch. But he couldn’t lose himself to that. He had to keep himself together. Whether it was for Steve’s, his sister’s or the other soldiers’ sake, he didn’t know. Nor did he care to find out which his conscience had taken to.

His sleeping schedule wasn’t very regular. Either he would have worn himself off so much throughout the day that he would practically collapse on his bed, or he would lay awake when his mind was too restless and it reminded of all the worries still haunting him.

He had half expected all his troubles to go away once he’d join the military, for he would be constantly busy with other things and the money he earned would go straight home. He would have people surrounding him who he could cope with and who understood the space someone like him needed.

It’s the military, after all. No one wants to sit in a circle with a cup of tea to talk about their feelings.

He’d really thought it would be easy like that.

Unfortunately, it was quite the opposite.

His paycheck did go home and his sister was fine, thank god. But Steve? He hadn’t heard from Steve in weeks. He was getting worried, he’d written to him enough times to the point where he had managed to piss off the mailman who had to sort all of it. He’d plainly informed Bucky that he already had enough trouble making sure the letters wouldn’t be intercepted by spies, and that he wasn’t making it any easier on him. So Bucky had decided that enough was enough and cut off the attempt to contact his best pal.

The other soldiers appeared to be a merry bunch, who tried to cling to him as much as possible. He couldn’t blame them really, he had a hard time giving off a ‘don’t talk to me’ appearance when everyone was very brotherly towards him in his camp. Eventually, they all started sharing stories about home, of girls, siblings or parents waiting for them or of the comfort of not being yelled at every single day. Of course, they had known what consequences came with joining the army, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t miss their families. As for Bucky, he felt the same way. However, he did not have a lot of pleasant stories from home to share except for the times when his parents were still with him, and those seemed like ages ago. So he tried to stay in the background and merely listen to the others.

Ultimately, that feeling of homesickness started to get to him too. Late night talks with Rebecca, lunch with Steve and even just seeing the man in the apothecary he missed.

They might be training as much as possible, but during all that, you have too much time to think.

“Barnes! Are you even listening to me?!”

Bucky snapped his head up to meet Colonel Phillips’ glare. The entire brigade had their attention upon him, contributing to the fully aware feeling of what a fool he was making of himself.

“S-Sorry sir, you were saying?” he blubbered finally.

The colonel breathed out through his nose and shook his head marginally. “I was wondering how our troops were doing but it appears that some of them would rather spend their time daydreaming about kissing the Germans instead of fighting them.”

A low set of chuckles emerged from the group of men surrounding them.

“No- No, sir. Sorry, I got distracted for a moment. It won’t happen again, I promise you,” Bucky replied and closed his eyes in embarrassment.

Phillips took a good look at him, and in his orbs flashed this emotion Bucky nearly recognized to be understanding before the colonel cleared his throat. “It better not soldier, otherwise I won’t be able to send you to the front lines.”

A lump formed in Bucky’s throat. He wanted to hide somewhere in a dark corner, anywhere, and be left to rot so his colonel and his parents wouldn’t have to look down upon him anymore with such disappointment. He waited for Phillips to continue, to tell him he should just pack his bags and go home for what use was he, really?

“I think you and your troops should take another lap around the perimeter, let’s see if my warning catches your attention then.”

He let out a relieved sigh and nodded. “Sir, yes sir.”

#Marvel #Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #Bucky x oc #Steve x oc #Bucky x reader #Steve x reader #Fanfiction #Slang #1940 #World War 2 #Romance #Fluff #Steve x Bucky #Stucky #Winter Soldier #Captain America

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neo-shitty · 3 years

Note

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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flyswhumpcenter · 7 years

Text

It’s Never Too Late to Call Quit

This sickfic is heavily inspired by @swiggity-swump’s amazing fic Late Work, based on an also really cool prompt by @taylor-tut ! I just felt like I had to credit them both because they’re Sickfic Goals TM. For once, the fic is on Tumblr, but I’ll probably still post it on AO3 later anyway.

Summary: It’s a peaceful Monday evening, and Richard has had a nice day until then. What could possibly wrong, when he has a training oral with the best student of the class on a text he personally loves? Well... It doesn’t depend on Richard.

Fandom: PDV (original work, zero need for additional material)

Word count: 2.3K words

Note: “Ulm” refers to the fanciest college one can enter. “Khâgne” and “hypokhâgne” refer to a special cursus to allow students to enter this prestigious school, which correspond to the two first years of college (but it’s literature).

Now available on AO3!

Richard is quite happy today. All his orals have been good so far, or at least decent, and he hasn’t given a single bad grade all week. This is a rare occasion, even among his fellow Ancient Literature specialists. This is the last oral he has on the list to give, and unfortunately for him, he has no oral to go through while his last student prepares his translation and commentary.

He already reads again the text he is about to give. A very short extract he loves from Aeschylus’s The Persians, a fragment of the Messenger’s address to the Queen of Persia after the defeat of Salamis. He isn’t sure about the historical accuracy of the text: he just knows he loves this play and is, deep inside, glad to give it the top student of this class.

He has a filled grid in front of him, with all the students’ names. On this Monday evening of February, he is feeling pretty good. This is rare enough for him to smile about it. He muses over a name sloppily written in blue ink, facing the hour of the oral’s preparation and start: François Bannaire.

Despite his common name, common-sounding surname and his sloppy writing, he is by far the top student of his class. Good in everything but philosophy, brilliant in literature despite clearly disliking his teacher (who could blame him, she is quite the old hag), good enough at his secondary language to already be trilingual in English and Italian. Richard can’t lie to himself: he really likes this kid.

“Kid” is the way he would describe François Bannaire, at least. He is fairly young, maybe too young for all he knows and is capable of doing. It’s as if he was condemned to study like a monk before joining Henri IV for his khâgne year. Nobody even knew about the school he had made his hypokhâgne year in, but his personal file was good no one even dared refusing one more student in a slightly overstuffed class. He was just this miraculous. The kind of student who had his free pass for Ulm. On this field, he has yet to disappoint anyone but the philosophy teacher, who is still a bit pissed at the boy for having just given back an introduction to an essay out of lack of inspiration for passions and war.

“Kid” is more about how François is. He is barely eighteen, discovering the joys and cons of adulthood one head at a time (he still hasn’t agreed to a single drop of alcohol, “my mom told me to be careful” has become a joke in the class, but he laughs at it too), isn’t too rushed about growing up as if he is in a daydream. He isn’t, but nobody dares telling the kind and naïve François life is harsh and will spit in his face more than once. That’s what happens when you’re one college year ahead of your age and attend an abstract cursus, Richard guesses.

A knock on the door breaks the teacher from his thoughts and he walks to the door, already expecting his star student to rock his Bailly dictionary to success. He did so the first time around, so why would he not on the second? This is exciting, when he thinks about it. It’s always exciting when he’s certain this is going to be marvellous.

He opens the door and faces the boy, except his excitement falls flat on its face as soon as he does so. François looks… more than odd. When he would be a bit stressed, and showing so, but still make his greatest grin to his teachers, he was sporting a pained look, as if his stress had taken over. He can see his legs are shaking, and the way he holds his Greek-to-French dictionary is feeble at best.

“H-hello s-sir… Sorry, I’m a tad late…” he rasps, breathless.

It must be anxiety. The boy has the pressure of everyone’s hopes, after all.

“Hello, François. Please take a seat in the room. I will get you the text” the teacher replies as he walks to the desk.

The student installed himself in the back of the room, so he has to walk a little bit to reach him, but it doesn’t take long and soon enough, he’s all ready to translate the short extract. Richard goes back to his seat, at the desk, and plunges himself inside his novel. He’s corrected enough tests for the day, he can allow himself a small hour of reading, can’t he? He’s the boss of himself, duh.

The sound of a pencil scratching paper is nice, he thinks. It helps him focus, for a reason he can’t ever get out of his brain. However, the occasional muffled cough noise isn’t. It’s grating, and since he doesn’t come from him, it must come from the only other person in the room. It may just be some regular cough his mind makes up to be stronger, muffled by his student’s scarf. He shrugs it away. It’s February, of course the boy is going to be a bit sick, who isn’t?

After a while, there is a complete silence. No pencil, no cough. He doesn’t think of it a lot at first: François must be reading his paper again to see if he made some translation error, or is thinking about what to say for the commentary on the text. Nothing big, nothing out of the ordinary. He lays back into his chair, still deep into his crime story (he’ll never admit to his workmates his love for crime novels, it’s not real literature).

“Time’s up,” Richard tells him while looking at his watch, “come to the desk now, please.”

There is no reply. No sound. Nothing.

Feeling like he’s being kidded with, the Greek teacher gets up from his chair, clutching on his red pen in a hope to exhort his anger out of the words he is about to throw at the boy’s face. When he arrives in front of the table, he has to admit to himself something: that wretched student is fast asleep on his sheets, and the dictionary is still opened to the Ν pages. Honestly, Richard is more than a little pissed about this.

“Mr Bannaire, it is time to wake up. You have an oral to take. I do not want this to require me waking you up.”

He doesn’t even begin to stir. This is going to frustrate him to anger far quicker than he ever expected it to.

At his feet, Richard notices a pencil whose point got broken and a tissue. That’s when he notices how unnaturally his student is slumped, left hand limply hanging out of the table while his right arm is still on the open dictionary. It’s as if he fell asleep so suddenly he didn’t have time to see it coming. This is quite an impressive fatigue, Richard thought, and a small sigh escaped his mouth. If he was this tired, maybe he should be a bit kinder today.

He puts a hand on his student’s shoulder, only to take it off a second later. Did he just put his hand on a heater instead? Doubting, he shakes him, still feeling this heat on his palms, until a cough is heard, and François finally stirs, slowly, almost numbly.

His eyes eventually lock into his teachers’. His face is instantly washed with fear and panic, and his hands retrieve all his needed papers, including a full draft for a translation.

“I-I’m sorry sir… I didn’t mean to fall asleep…!” he grogs out before retaining a cough. “Sorry for that, let me… let me just get my stuff together for it…”

“François.”

Upon hearing his name, the boy stops and looks at him. Richard slips his hand under the thick, chocolate brown bangs of the younger man, only to grit his teeth.

“You’re not taking that oral tonight, on my career’s sake. You’re going home right now.”

“B-but why…? It’s because I slept…?”

Richard can barely believe he just said that.

“Okay, François, listen. You’re burning up. You’re clearly ill beyond reason. You should be in bed right now, not translating some Greek. We’ll just postpone it, okay? This isn’t as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be.”

Red, puffed eyes look away as he attempts to wipe them by wiping his glasses.

“It’s just a tiny fever… I can do it, sir, please…”

“No is no, Mr Bannaire. You are officially discharged and going back home.”

Oh wait.

“No, that’s right, you live in the dorms… I’ll bring you to Edith then. She’ll be able to call your parents so you can go back home.”

As if it was possible, François’s face loses even more colour, to the point he looks like a corpse with a huge tint of red all over his face and cheeks. He suddenly gets up from his chair and, from the other side of the table, throws himself at Richard.

“Please don’t send me home! I don’t wanna explain to my dad why I’m sick again! Just send me back to dorm, I’ll find a way to get better by tomorrow! Don’t… don’t send me home…”

“François. How long have you been sick?”

“It’s just today… I don’t know why I feel so ba… I mean why I have a fever all of a sudden. It’s just a fever.”

“I can’t let you remain on school grounds in such a condition. We’re going to the nurse’s office immediately.”

Then, Richard realizes what’s wrong with his student.

“Did you sleep a lot lately?”

“S-sir, if it doesn’t bother you, can we do that translation now…? I still have Latin and history stuff to do…”

The man had to retain the boy from falling over.

“You’re about to pass out, François. This isn’t the time to insist on taking an oral. Your hubris isn’t going to help at the moment.”

A small smile creeps on the student’s face.

“I get it… It’s like Xerxes’s failure at Salamis…”

He sits down as Richard decides to tide his stuff up, grabbing the backpack sloppily bleeding sheets on the table.

“S-sir… Can you walk me there…? I don’t think I’m seeing very clearly anymore…”

“Of course, if it means you can get the bed you deserve.”

A few minutes later, Richard has two backpacks on his back and a boy on his shoulder, whose ragged breathing tells better than anything else how unwell he is. This wasn’t stress, after all, but maybe he should had seen that coming.

“I think you overworked yourself, François. It’s not natural to have such a fever from a day to the other. Did you sleep lately?”

“Huh… I slept two hours last night, I think so at least…? I can’t tell, my roommates were sleeping when I went to bed and when I woke up…”

“You have some deep dark rings under you-”

“Fuck I forgot to take my medicine… That’s why my chest feels so squeezy today…”

“What medicine?”

“Asthma treatment… Mine’s pretty bad apparently… That’s what Mom kept telling me…”

Once at the nurse’s office, Richard finally remembers something. Edith’s shift ended an hour ago, and the night time nurse doesn’t come until another hour. However, he has a key of the room, kindly given to him by Edith in case anything happened to any of his students… But the single fact she wrote “François” on the keychain tells him she had a precise goal in mind.

Once the door is unlocked, he hurries to put his student on the closest bed he can find. He gets his phone out, calls for a doctor, who tells him to call for an ambulance if the fever is higher than forty and a half, so he shoves a thermometer down the boy’s mouth, and it reads “only” forty, so they just decide to wait for the other nurse.

“Sir, I… I can sta-”

“I’ve heard you were easily ill, is that true?” Richard asks, interrupting his sentence on purpose.

“I do… But usually it’s just colds, or at worst anginas… I’m not used to harsh fevers yet…”

“Yet?”

“I haven’t had strong fevers before a few years. I guess that’s linked to overwork, that’s what everyone keeps telling me… I hate those, I feel really bad when they happen…”

“Why not sleep more to avoid it? You look exhausted.”

“Don’t have time… I have to get to Ulm… Or else I’ll have even more depths towards my father… And I don’t want that…”

“You do now letting yourself get this sick is more counterproductive than anything, right? You’re making things even harder for yourself.”

“Y-yeah, I wish I would stop doing that, but I always feel like I’m running out of time…”

Richard sighs. He feels bad for that boy, dammit.

“That may be because we put a lot of pressure on you and your peers, but you may feel it more easily than the others… Did you feel that way last year?”

“Not really… They weren’t as competitive as here… The pressure was on whether or not I’d get my ancient lit speciality here… Is it me or is it cold in here…”

He’s shaking like a leaf in the middle of a blizzard.

“It’s your fever. I sadly have to leave you so I can get home before half past eight, but I don’t want to see you before you’re all better, ok? I’m sure you can get the lessons from your friends. Take care, François.”

“Thanks sir… Sorry for that…”

“It’s all fine. See you when you’re better.”

“G’bye…”

Richard exits the room, closes the door and wipes up a sheet from his bag, writing down a small note for the incoming nurse. Once it’s done, he gets some transparent tape from his pencil case, tapes the paper to the door and makes his way to the exit of the school. It’s been a while since he genuinely hoped someone would get better soon.

#whump #sickfic #original work #pdv #PDV 0 L #richard marquier #françois bannaire #i have something with fran whump lately for some reason #oh well #sorry fran

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barack-obama-jpg · 7 years

Note

All of the get in my business asks (i read like the first two, so i have no idea all the shit you'll be typing i just know it's gon be a lot sooo have fun)

wow all 100... so...

1. Meaning behind my url: N/A, just randomly thought of it

2. Picture of me: y'all already saw it tonight just scroll down a bit

3. Tattoos? How many and where: None

4. Last time I cried and why: Earlier today because of existentiality

5. Piercings: Nope

6. Favorite band: Well idk if Frederic Chopin counts as a band... either him or Xtrullor for that electronic/dubstep

7. Biggest turn offs: Being rude to the waiter!!!

8. Top 5 (movies): Star Wars Episode V, Episode IV, Episode VI, Ratatouille, Forrest Gump (I cried)

9. Tattoos I want: Honestly like a lightsaber just anywhere would be cool

10. Biggest turn ons: (this might be a bit weird) Moaning/sounds of pleasure

11. Age: 16

12. Perfect date: We sit around in out pajamas all day reading books and just talking then order a pizza for dinner and watch movies under a blanket until we fall asleep in each other’s arms. The next morning I get up early and make breakfast for both of us. (thats just the abbreviated version)

13. Life goal: Become a successful deep space astrophysicist

14. Piercings I want: Nah

15. Relationship status: Painfully single

16. Favorite movie: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

17: Fact about my life: I am Jewish

18. Phobia: All types of bugs

19. Middle name: William

20. Height: 6′1′’

21. Virgin: Yep

22. Shoe size: 10.5

23. Sexual orientation: Bisexual

24. Smoke, drink, drugs: I have done drugs a few times with my friends but thats it (alcohol tastes too bad)

25. Someone you miss: SHOMBER @madnessprophet

26. One thing you regret: Having a crush

27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: ....Ben Mendelsohn....

28. Favorite ice cream: ooooohhhh so by my grandparent’s place in Connecticut there’s this one creamery that sells Twix ice cream and its so good

29. One insecurity: My entire face

30. What my last text message says: Last message I sent: an image accompanied by the word “mhm”. Last message I received: “same”

31. Have you ever taken a picture naked: Almost, I had only underwear on

32. Have you ever panted your room: No

33. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex: Not yet

34. Have you ever slept naked: Yes

35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror: More than I’d like to admit

36. Have you ever had a crush: Don't remind me

37. Have you ever been dumbed: You have to have a significant other before you can get dumped

38. Have you ever stole money from a friend: Yep ._.

39. Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met: Not that I can recall

40. Have you ever been in a fistfight: No, but I say I’ll fight a lot of people

41. Have you ever snuck out of your house: Nope

42. Have you ever had feeling for someone who didn't have them back: Thats basically my life dude

43. Have you ever been arrested: No

44. Have you ever made out with a stranger: Nah

45. Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere: Yeah but not in a questionable way, ya feel

46. Have you ever left your house without telling your parents: Nah they'd kill me

47. Have you ever had a crush on a neighbor: No

48. Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun: Unfortunately no

49. Have you ever slept in a bed with someone of the same sex: Nope

50. Have you ever seen someone die: No

51. Have you ever been on a plane: Basically at least once per year

52. Have you ever kissed a picture: I don't remember but probably honestly

53. Have you ever slept in until 3: All summer

54. Do you love/miss someone right now: hahahahahahahahahhahahaahahah yeah

55. Have you ever laid on your back and watch clouds go by: Yeah

56. Have you ever made a snow angel: Yes

57. Have you ever played dress up: No

58. Have you ever cheated while playing a game: Do video games count because yeah

59. Have you ever been lonely: My entire 16 years of existence has been loneliness wtf

60. Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school: Briefly

61. Have you ever been to a club: Nope

62. Have you ever felt and earthquake: Yeah, but nothing major

63. Have you ever touched a snake: No, but I almost ran over a rattlesnake with a mountain bike once

64. Have you ever ran a red light: I don't even have my permit yet

65. Have you ever been suspended from school: No

66. Have you ever had detention: Yes

67. Have you ever been in a car accident: No

68. Have you ever hated the way you look: Too often

69. Have you ever witnessed a crime: Yep

70. Have you ever pole danced: No

71. Have you ever been lost: Not by myself

72. Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country: Yes

73. Have you ever felt like dying: Unfortunately

74. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep: See answer 73

75. Have you ever sang karaoke: Yes

76: Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't: Yes

77. Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose: Yes and it was HILARIOUS

78. Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger: Never even slept with anyone

79. Have you ever kissed in the rain: Nor have I kissed anyone

80. Have you ever sang in the shower: MAMA, OOOOOOOO, DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE YOU CRY (yes)

81. Have you ever made out in a park: See answer 79

82. Have you ever had a dream that you married someone: Yes

83. Have you ever glued your hand to something: Probably, but I can't remember so no

84. Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole: No

85. Have you ever gone to school partially naked: wtf? No

86. Have you ever been a cheerleader: No

87. Have you ever sat on a rooftop: Yes

88. Have you ever brushed your teeth(?): Yes... who wouldn't?

89. Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone: All the time

90. Have you ever played chicken: No

91. Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on: No

92. Have you ever been told you're hot by a complete stranger: Yes but they're not a stranger anymore so

93. Have you ever broken a bone: No

94. Have you ever been easily amused: Yes

95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried: Too much

96. Have you ever mooned/flashed someone: No

97. Have you ever cheated on a test: How do you think I made the Dean’s List?

98. Have you ever forgotten someones name: Yes

99. Have you ever met someone who didn't seem real: Yes

100. One thing about you that no one knows: I tend to fall in love with more than one person at a time

Alright @wafflenull are you happy. I realize now that I am actually pretty boring but here ya go

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hangonimevolving · 5 years

Text

The Happiest Place on Earth, and New Year 2020 Adventures

Dear readers - I have a really convoluted update for you all today, but (I think) it has a happy ending!

First of all. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020! Hope the new year brings us all peace, fulfillment, and most of all.... GOOD HEALTH.

The family and I kicked off the holiday season in a veritable flurry of activity. The kids celebrated their school holiday show with great fanfare...

And then I had a personal high, as I completed my second-ever Jingle Bell Jog 5K race successfully!

This was the first event of my race series and fundraiser for the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. so I was extra happy at having ticked this item off my to-do list.

That same day, just hours after I crossed the finish line, Dr. Spouse, the kids and I packed up the car and headed north to the Orlando area, for a 6 day vacation. The week was planned to include a four-day stint visiting the parks at Walt Disney World along with my parents, who would be flying directly from New Orleans to join us.

We had a blast on this trip! After a few rough months, it was so much fun to make new memories with Ajima and Thatha, especially since taking the grandkids to Disney has long been an item on Thatha’s bucket list. We were delighted to help him work on this one!

The trip was *almost* perfect. Almost. There was just one hiccup.... and fortunately/unfortunately, it mainly involved me.

I woke up on the final day of our Disney parks adventures - Thursday, December 26 - ready to tackle Epcot, which is my favorite of the four parks. But the minute my eyes popped open, I just knew something wasn’t 100% right with me. I felt like I’d been hit by a BUS. I had horrible body ache all over, my head was pounding, and my chest felt heavy, as if someone had poured a gallon of wallpaper paste into my lungs. I groaned to myself, knowing what this meant - I was probably coming down with a cold - but I still forced myself up and to get ready, since it was our last day of the trip and there was no way I was missing it!

By the time we loaded into the car and headed out, the leaky faucet nose had started. I definitely sneezed a LOTTTTTTT through the entire day - huge, rib-cracking sneezes, that had my entire rib cage and back hurting well before lunchtime and through the evening. But I pressed forward, tried not to make a big deal. As I had been throughout the trip, I was even more militant in insisting the family use hand sanitizer and antibacterial hand wipes all day long than I already had been (which was a lot). But yeah, it was a very long and difficult day.

I put myself to bed in isolation that night - I didn’t want anyone else catching my germs! The good side of my isolation is, I didn’t disturb anyone else’s sleep that night, and I managed to abstain from infecting anyone. One down side is, I suppose it meant that no one in the house saw how sick I actually was, and by the transitive property, perhaps even I didn't register how sick I was. That night, I ran a very high fever, yet was having teeth-chattering chills for hours. I couldn’t breathe through my nose, and coughed nonstop. I got awful, fitful sleep, with weird, violent, vivid dreams all night.

The next day, I started suspecting that maybe I didn’t just have a cold - maybe it was the flu? We tried to locate an urgent care clinic where I could get a rapid flu test, but it proved hard to find anywhere with a <6 hour wait, and I was absolutely determined not to get anyone else sick (least of all my post-CABG father or my two young kids). So I insisted Dr. Spouse just call in a Tamiflu prescription for the entire household - it would be therapeutic for me, and prophylactic for all of them. He dutifully obliged, and we were all on Tamiflu by 2:30 pm Friday. We said goodbye to my parents this evening - they flew out of Orlando directly to New Orleans - and Dr. Spouse, the kids and I would drive back to Miami the next day.

That night’s sleep was worse than the previous, and featured the worst fever sweats I’ve ever had in my life, soaking through all my clothes, all the bedsheets, down to the mattress cover. It seriously looked like someone had dumped the Gatorade bucket on me after winning the Super Bowl. And again, I had violent, bloody dreams of war imagery all night....

The next day was every bit as painful as the last, and perhaps more so - my entire head and chest were clogged with sludge, the body ache was debilitating, and worst was that I felt like I couldn’t really think straight or make good decisions. In a nutshell, we weren’t packed up at all, and I woke up from fitful sleep about 9:30 that day and to my horror realized we had to check out of the rental cottage by 11 - - I was trying to run around and pack, but my body and brain were literally not working properly together. It was brutal - and we were definitely an hour late vacating the property. I ended up falling asleep within minutes as we started our drive home, and slept 3.5 hours of the 4 hour drive, which SHOCKED me and Dr. Spouse - I never sleep on road trips! Should have known this was a bad sign that something was really wrong.

Sunday and Monday, things started looking up. I still had terrible sinus congestion, but the cough and fevers were improving, and my energy level was slowly returning! Hurray! Time to get back to normal..... except, weirdly, some new weird symptoms popped up. I was blowing my nose a LOT, admittedly - but I developed a nosebleed sometime early Monday morning, and it just... didn’t stop. For well over 24 hours. Then I noticed a few weird red spots on my face and neck - I assumed maybe I’d scratched in my sleep when I was sweaty at night? But by Tuesday, there were more red spots in more places. Everywhere. On my back, stomach, chest, arms, legs, feet... my sinus symptoms were better, but these spots were weird. It hit a head on Tuesday morning when Dr. Spouse and I sat down to breakfast. I definitely had more spots than I’d had an hour before. I poured myself a bowl of cereal and began to eat, but then I noticed my mouth felt funny. I realized, to my horror (sorry, TMI) - I had big spots in my mouth too, and they looked like these blood-filled blisters all over the insides of my cheeks and the back of my throat. They looked like dark purple jellybeans, stuck everywhere on my oral mucosa - and some of them were doubling and tripling in size before my very eyes. One burst, right there at the table, and suddenly a trickle of blood oozed our the corner of my mouth. Dracula Mommy, yikes - Dey was at once amazed and horrified. And all the while, my nose was still bleeding.

Dr. Spouse looked grave and got panicky. He had three patients to see in clinic, but he wanted me to get medical attention ASAP. I initially felt like maybe this was a bit of an overreaction, I didn’t think it warranted an ER trip, and I was feeling rather sheepish to bother a lot of people, and bewildered at the childcare logistics - especially considering it was New Year’s Eve. Besides, my sinus congestion and energy level were feeling better - so how sick could I really be?

Well, turns out I was wrong. It turns out there was actually something seriously wrong with me.

Blood tests revealed I had developed a very serious condition called thrombocytopenia. This is a condition where a person’s blood platelets levels drop dangerously low, making it difficult or impossible for them to clot. It makes any sort of wound or injury or weakness in any vessel or the body a potential site for deadly hemhorrage. In my case, it happened to be very severe. The normal lab ranges for blood platelets are between 150,000-400,000. At my ER admission, my labs came in at 1,000, with a little downward arrow next to them! It was a dire situation - basically, I could have hemhorraged from anywhere, from my head to my toes, from my brain to my entire GI tract. I could have died.

Very quickly after the issue was diagnosed, I was administered a transfusion of IV steroids, followed by two units of donor platelets.

After the platelets, I had to receive something called IVIG, or IV immunoglobulins. I believe these are to boost my immune system and help it stop accidentally nuking itself in the course of fighting the flu virus, or whatever pathogen started me down this insane road. The IVIG infusion, as it would turn out, would take like HOURS - maybe 8 hours total - and it was determined that I’d have to be admitted to the hospital (to the ICU, no less!) for a whopping FOUR DAYS, to receive further IVIG treatments until my platelet levels came back to an acceptable range. I was FLOORED and overwhelmed at this news, of course - again is really thought perhaps Dr. Spouse was being overly cautious initially. But I soon realized the gravity of the situation and promised to comply with all the healthcare professionals’ advice.

Although I cringed to do it, knowing a) what they’ve gone through recently, and b) the fact that we’d JUST spent the week with them in Orlando and sent them peacefully home, I found myself with no choice but to phone Ajima and Thatha from the ER and explain what was going on. True to form, they mobilized within minutes, and had plane tickets booked in no time. They arrived right around midnight on New Years Eve to relieve our wonderful friend/former Nanny S, who graciously pinch-hit and babysat the kids at home so Dr. Spouse could come be with me. I’d been in the ER from about 1 pm till maybe 5:30 or 6 pm, and eventually been transferred to an intermediary ICU room, where I’d spend the next 4 days.

Do you see my purple spots?? Hard to visualize in these pics, but they’re there.

I spent the next 4 days mostly in bed - I wasn’t permitted to walk around unattended, use the bathroom on my own, shower without supervision, etc. because even though I felt fine and am ordinarily physically able, I was considered a bleed risk if I accidentally stumbled or took a fall. So in bed I stayed. And for about 10-12 hours each day, I received IV infusions through both arms of steroids and IVIG. It was a surreal experience, but also an incredibly fortuitous one, in that I didn’t really feel all that sick! Dr. Spouse would come visit me for a few hours each afternoon through the nights, and my parents would bring the kids for about an hour each evening. I had a wonderful crew of nurses who looked after me, talked with me, made sure I was comfortable and well-fed. And my medical team was also very good, especially my hematologist, who was careful, methodical, and very even-keel about everything, explaining what had likely happened to me, what the next steps were, and what I should look out for in the future.

I have A LOT more to say about this experience, especially all that has now happened afterwards, and all the follow-up care I must now receive. It is going to be a journey for awhile longer. But for now, a few thoughts in closing out this post....

It’s weird. Obviously, I wish NONE of this had happened - but I also felt so incredibly lucky. Because:

1). I’m so glad my post-heart surgery dad, senior citizen mom, and young kids didn’t get this virus, and that it was only me. I’m also glad Dr. Spouse, our primary breadwinner, care provider for hundreds of people, and our beloved daddice of our family didn’t get it.

2). If this absolutely had to happen to me, I consider myself lucky that in recent years, I’ve put my fitness first, and especially these last few weeks, I’ve been training for a race series, which means I’ve been eating right, training rigorously, attending to my cardiovascular health as well as my lean muscle composition, taking lots of multivitamins, and even pursuing yoga for restorative, rehabilitative, and emotional/mental health. Basically, I was AS HEALTHY as I could have been going into this, and I think that saved my life. I didn’t have a fatal vascular weakness that gave way to hemorrhage, because I’ve had the blessing of the opportunity to take good care of myself.

3). I have an ANGEL on my side. My uncle Marley was definitely looking out for me. Aside from being a huge source of love and support - it so happens that Marley suffered for many years from a platelet disorder which was constantly being managed. He was of course the first person who came to mind when I got diagnosed with this issue - - and I swear he was looking out for me. I even have evidence to that effect. Will share in a followup post.

4). Last but not least - - this one is overwhelming and wonderful.

I met my husband when we were about 18 years old. I had no idea at the time what the future held for us - but this person has evolved into many things, including a WONDERFUL, sensitive, intelligent, and proactive physician. He is REALLY, REALLY good at what he does for a living - and I think that’s because he would do it even if he didn't make a living doing it. He LOVES his particular field of medicine. And it so happens that he is a stroke neurologist, who sees patients with brain bleeds and emergency events related to bleeding/clotting every single day. So it was my incredible fortune that the man I’m married to, saw what was happening with me, wasted ZERO time, and insisted I get care.

My husband saved my life. He is my hero.

Alright. I think I’ll end this one here. In upcoming posts, I’ll be discussing several things, including:

- the aftermath of my great Flu Adventure - the types of follow-up care and remaining question marks about my health (and hopefully I’ll be getting some reassuring data to share here!)

- an update about my Race Series! Obviously (and heartbreakingly) I’m going to have to rejigger some things here. I am working on my emotions with this. But I’ll share it all with you.

In conclusion - - I want to wish you all a happy new year. May it be a year of good health and fortune for everyone! Big hugs and big love :)

#illness #ITP #thrombocytopenia #flu #Disney #travel #family #Dr. Spouse #marriage

0 notes

chimcharstar · 5 years

Note

I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY

COMING RIGHT UP

♡ cute asks ♡

angel; do you have a nickname?

awe; how old are you?

baby; favorite color?

purple

bloop; spirit animal?

i know what youre trying to do bug

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

YEAH

buttercup; showers or baths?

showers

butterfly; dream destination?

maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM

calm; favorite scent?

this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes... overrated

cozy; eye/hair color?

red hair green eyes

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

people saying small nice things

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think...

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite

daylight; favorite album of all time?

idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that

dear; zodiac sign?

sagittarius

delightful; concerts or museums?

?????? N/A unfortunately

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil

dobby; dream job?

writer of , books or screenplays or something

doll; how do you like to dress?

behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

the demigirl reading this

fairy; do you have a pet?

no :(

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.

garden; how many languages do you know?

one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that.

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do.

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me

kinky; do you blush easily?

no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit

love; what is your favorite season and why?

autumn, because pretty, haloween

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good

magic; what are five flaws you have?

overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

emotional labour, similar energy level

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

i have not read a book

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

realizing im trans

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing

shine; art or music?

MUSIC

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

yes

smitten; do you collect anything?

bonsais??

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

chocolate, any,

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset, that is the beautifulest

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me...

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital? what is this about?

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyal, honest

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

niGHT OWL

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

shapeshifting

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time

#zee5starbug #chatty tag #HOLY SHIT #88 MORE TO GO LOL #ILU

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d-s-winchester · 8 years

Text

Boston General

(gif credit to the creator)

Part Three - Emergency

Master List

Pairing: Misha x Reader Word Count: 2,003 Warnings: language, medical stuff A/N: My writing schedule got completely thrown off and due to that you guys are getting part 3 early! I am still so overwhelmed by all the positive feedback I’m getting from this. I’m so glad you all like it. Title comes from Emergency by Paramore. Huge thanks to Nicole (@iwantthedean) for help with the medical stuff. If you’d like to be tagged let me know! Hope you guys like it! Anyway, feedback for this is awesome! :)

As you walked into the hospital the next morning you were more than determined to make that day better than the previous two. Remembering that you and Selene were being forced to work on separate services put a slight damper on your mood but you decided not to let it bother you. After rounds Dr. Padalecki put you in Dr. Collins’ service, yet again, and you forced yourself not to groan and roll your eyes.

The last thing you wanted was to be put in his service yet again. Unfortunately there was nothing you could do about it. Selene was placed with Dr. Ackles and the pair went their separate ways to check on their patients.

“Amanda Presley, eight year old female with mitral valve regurgitation. She is here for a valve replacement after presenting with fatigue, palpitations, and chronic cough. We are optimistic that these symptoms will resolve after the valve is replaced,” you summed up.

“She’s scheduled for surgery later today,” Dr. Collins added, addressing the other interns, “Dr. Ackles will be performing the surgery.”

The interns were all scribbling furiously in notebooks, trying to take down as much information as they could while Dr. Collins continued to talk. You watched as he explained to the patient and her parents what the surgery would entail and it amazed you that one person could be so kind and gentle with his patients and their families but so rude and harsh to his interns.

You pushed the thoughts from your mind as he finished his conversation with Amanda’s parents and walked with the rest of the interns out of the room. Everyone dispersed to take care of running labs and you were about to do the same when Dr. Collins stopped you.

“You’re off the case,” he stated once he was sure the other interns were all gone.

“I’m sorry? What?” you questioned, your blood beginning to boil.

It was like he had something against you. One screw up on your first day and all of a sudden it was like you were blacklisted. The entire point of being an intern was to learn and now you were being robbed of that chance.

“Do you need your hearing checked?” he asked, an amused smirk on his face, “I’m sure you heard me, Dr. Y/L/N. You’re off the case.”

“Why?” you asked, knowing he didn’t have to give you an answer.

“Dr. Hill is on Dr. Ackles’ service,” he stated, “and from “what I’ve heard the two of you have been split up so you can get your shit together. I’m not going to undermine Dr. Padalecki’s decision to keep the two of you apart.”

The smug look on his face made you want to punch him. You obviously knew you couldn’t do that, however. With your hands balled into fists at your sides your turned on your heel and stormed off. You needed to get as far away from him as possible if you were going to collect yourself enough to get through your shift.

It astounded you how angry the man could make you, but as he was an attending, you figured that was something you would just have to reconcile yourself to. You would just have to find a way to deal with the back and forth nature of his personality whether you liked it or not. Perhaps that's what surprised you so much that when he followed you into the stairwell and grabbed you by the arm, you jumped back a bit.

“Do you just follow all of your interns around?” you spat at him.

You thought you’d managed to get at least most of your anger out as you walked toward the stairwell but seeing his face just brought it all surging forward. He laughed at your statement, taking you by surprise.

“Clearly you have some sort of issue with the decision of your attending physician, Dr. Y/L/N,” Misha replied, somewhere between pissed off and amused. “Might I suggest you work that out on your own time, and in a more professional manner?”

“Professional?” you sputtered out. “I'm perfectly capable of being professional, Dr. Collins, when my attending physician isn't being a self-righteous ass! I'm an intern, I get that, but I'm not sure what in the hell I did to deserve such horrible treatment from you. Yes, I froze in the OR under a tremendous amount of pressure on my first day, having never operated on a live body before. I don't think that warrants being treated like an idiot!”

“Self-righteous ass, that’s a new one,” he chuckled, “and you’re right, you froze, forgive me for not wanting that to happen again, especially on a case as serious as this. It doesn’t make you an idiot, I’m just trying to cover my ass. Last thing I want is a kid dying on the table because you’re not on top of your game. Don’t take it personally, Dr. Y/L/N, people get kicked off of cases all the time.”

Despite still being furious with him you bit your tongue, deciding you had expelled enough of your energy on fighting with him today, and nodded.

“Are you going to reassign me then?” you asked, as politely as possible, “or should I go see Dr. Padalecki about that?”

“Talk to Dr. Padalecki,” he answered before turning around and walking out of the stairwell.

You let out a frustrated groan and ran your fingers through your hair as you jogged up the stairs, intent on finding Genevieve as quickly as possible. She wasn’t hard to locate and once you found her and explained your situation to her she sighed.

“I’m not reassigning you,” she stated, “he may not want you in his OR but I’ve got nowhere else to put you so you’re stuck with him.”

“But he kicked me off the case,” you pointed out.

“He did,” she nodded, “but I’m reinstating you. Just stay out of the OR and you’ll be fine. Monitor his pre- and post-op patients, stay on your best behavior.”

You sighed and made your way back to the pediatrics ward. If Misha caught you around there and gave you shit for it you would just have to explain to him that Genevieve had nowhere else to put you and hope for the best.

After you checked on all of Misha’s pre- and post-op patients you stood at the nurses’ station talking with one of the nurses. You was about to leave and take your lunch when all the alarms in Amanda’s room started going off. Without even thinking you told the nurse to page Dr. Collins and Dr. Ackles and sprinted into the room.

“Load her up with epinephrine, get me a crash cart!” you called, pushing the code button. “Starting compressions!”

The nurse administered the medication via Amanda’s IV while you worked to get her heart pumping again. The code team came in and began to ventilate Amanda while you waited for the paddles to charge.

“Clear!” you called out, and the word was echoed by everyone in the room. Amanda’s heart rhythm showed no pulse on the monitor, but after checking her carotid, you could feel a faint pulse. “Heart’s trying. Beginning compressions again.”

After another five rounds of compressions, you decided it was time to shock her again. The nurse charged the paddles, you made sure everyone was clear of your patient, and shocked her again.

Just as Misha and Jensen walked into the room, Amanda’s rhythm came back. As you stared at the monitor to make sure her stable vitals remained at a good level, the nurse continued to ventilate Amanda. Realizing that the nurse had it under control and the patient was stable you stepped out of the room, past Misha and Jensen, keeping your eyes trained on the ground -- too afraid to see the look on Misha’s face.

“Good work in there, Dr. Y/L/N,” you heard Misha say behind you.

You turned to face him, his comment taking you by surprise, you were sure he would be more than pissed at you for dealing with his patient after he kicked you off the case. He was standing there, arms crossed over his chest, a small smile on his face.

“Thank you,” you replied.

“Why don’t you scrub in on the surgery,” he offered, and your face lit up, “just to observe. Just because you saved Amanda in there doesn’t mean I fully trust you in the OR yet.”

“Of course,” you said, “I completely understand.”

“Her surgery is scheduled for an hour from now,” he stated, “go do whatever it was you were about to do before this happened.”

You nodded and started to walk away.

“Oh, and Dr. Y/L/N,” he said and you turned to face him once more, “don’t overthink it this time.”

He smiled at you before walking off to check on his patients. You tried to suppress the smile that was spreading on your lips but it was useless, you were grinning the entire way to the cafeteria. You ate as quickly as possible, not wanting to be late for surgery, and made your way to the OR.

As soon as you set foot in the OR you felt your nerves taking over again. You took a few deep breaths and reminded yourself that you were just observing, you weren’t going to be directly involved. You caught Selene’s eye from across the room and she winked at you. Even though you weren’t supposed to be working with her being able to be in the room with your best friend set your nerves at ease.

Why couldn’t it have been like this the last time? You thought to yourself as the rest of the doctors filed into the room. Dr. Ackles took his place, with Dr. Collins next to him ready to assist, and as soon as Amanda was completely under from the anesthesia, the surgery began.

As soon as you walked out of the OR you were stopped in your tracks by Dr. Padalecki. She looked more than furious and you could feel yourself turning red from embarrassment. You had deliberately gone against her orders and worked with Selene and you knew you were about to pay for it.

“And what the hell do you think you were doing in that OR with Dr. Hill?” she said.

“I...uh...Dr. Collins...he...” you stammered.

“Dr. Padalecki,” Dr. Collins said, coming to your rescue.

You hadn’t even noticed that he’d come up behind you.

“Any reason why Dr. Y/L/N was in your OR, Misha,” she said, clearly more than pissed off.

“I asked Dr Y/L/N to scrub in, and told her I would vouch for her with you,” Misha explained, “It's because of her that my patient made it to the OR and I felt it would do her good to be able to observe the surgery closer than in the gallery.”

Genevieve looked like she was at a loss for words. Her eyes flitted between you and Misha for a few seconds before she finally said anything.

“Fine,” she huffed, “but this is the only time you’re off the hook for this, Dr. Y/L/N. No more working with Dr. Hill. Understand?”

“Absolutely,” you nodded.

Genevieve nodded at you, happy that you were at least agreeing with her, and walked off to no doubt check on her patients. Misha turned to look at you, clearly about to say something, when Jensen called him over to go talk to Amanda’s parents and inform them that the surgery had gone well. He placed his hand on your shoulder, gave it a squeeze and smiled at you. You returned the smile as he let go of your shoulder and you watched him walk away.

You weren’t sure what surprised you more -- what had just happened between the two of you or the fact that you immediately missed the feeling of his hand on your shoulder.

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twoscoopsofrecovery · 8 years

Text

re·cov·er·y  a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.  I wouldn't say I'm in recovery, but I also wouldn't say I'm fully in my ed or addiction at this point. I feel like I'm re entering recovery. But this time fully and honest, and I think that is why it is taking a little longer to surrender. When I do surrender I am doing It fully and completely. Two months back in treatment. Three months since I last wrote, so as assigned I'm writing again. An assignment I actually don't mind, I get to do what I love. A lot has happened. I've found myself kicked out of my parents house, yet again, jobless, broke, living with friends. Seems to be the norm. My mood has been extremely unstable and my behaviors are out of control. Well, sort of. I stopped purging. Since December 20th, when I finally came back to rosewood, I've only purged once. Which, is crazy because before I came in I was purging everything I ate. So major improvement there. Readmitting myself was this whole process. Due to health reasons it took longer then expected. My doctor found I had pancreatitis, which freaked me out to no end and back and motivated me to start eating a little bit before I even got back into treatment. Which, was insanely hard. My first two to three weeks back, I couldn't finish a single meal. It was humiliating to some extent, I felt completely incapable. With restricting, I haven't really been. There's this grey area in my brain where if I don't have the means to eat and if I don't have money, I don't have to eat. Which, was a bit of a problem maybe a week or two ago but I've seemed to improve with that one. So I guess my behaviors aren't out of control; I haven't purged, meal plan compliant, I don't binge, I don't use laxatives/diuretics/diet pills, I don't over exercise. Where does the problem stand then? Easy: my drinking. I'm in a constant debate with myself lately. Do I have an alcohol problem? A year ago I would've instinctively answered yes, I am an alcoholic. Today, well, I am not sure how to answer that question. I've drank a couple times now since being back. I'm supposed to be sober, everyone is supposed to be sober while in a program like this. My rational is: if I don't have a problem, I shouldn't have a problem staying sober for the duration of my stay at rosewood. But I find myself trying to sneak around the rules to drink. Is it a problem? I'm not too sure. When I drink I don't do so excessively, just enough to get decently drunk. Which, if you know me, you'd know its pretty easy for me because I basically have zero tolerance. So, again, I ask, where is the problem? The problem that I am encountering is not the actual alcohol it's self, or any drugs, or anything tangible for that matter. I do not think I am physically addicted to any substance currently as it stands. What I am addicted to, is escaping. And that's where the problem lays. I can't handle my reality, I want to get plastered, and forget about the shit show I call my life. I'm still terribly depressed and it keeps coming and going in waves and I can't really take it anymore. My life is currently rotating between, I want to kill myself and I'm writing a suicide note, to, my life is amazing and I love everyone so much and I'm so grateful for what I do have and people are inherently good. Which, is exhausting. A wave of sadness hit me the other day. Partially due to concerns, partially because of no reason. The other night I spent most of the evening with my boyfriend. I almost went into a flash back and started disassociating but was able to pull myself out of it before it had happened. He was extremely supportive and understanding, which was extremely comforting while I was in a more vulnerable place. When I got back to my friends place that I'm staying at, I was texting him, and something had come up. I've found myself scared to think about what things would be like with out him. Which, is insane because I haven't thought that about someone since my ex who I dated for almost two years. I don't find myself pushing him away, if anything I'm scared because I know I'm becoming attached, and commitment is scary, but I want it so badly. So, relationship wise, I'm extremely happy with where it's going. I'm very grateful I met someone who gets me and is there for me. It's going on the right direction, I'm in love, I'm happy, communication is there, things are good. So abnormal for me, but hey I'll take it. It's good and exciting. But, i miss my mom. My sisters, my brother. I know I have family, they're there, just not there right now. I have other family, family of choice vs. family of origin. I have people around me that help me out and are there for me. But I still miss them. So much. Before I readmitted me and my mom had probably the best mother daughter relationship I could of ever asked for. We had very real conversations about life; the good the bad, the nitty gritty details of addictions and my eating disorder. My mom confided in me and I the same. I miss my mother terribly. I miss my sisters and their beautiful sun-filled smiles. Sophia and her innocence. Audrey, who finally felt comfortable enough telling me her deep 5th grade coming of age secrets. Leo, who was just beginning to trust in me once more. I miss them. I miss them so much it hurts and I try not to think of it. So I won't talk about it anymore. I guess over all everything has improved and become more complicated. Still Canadian though, that's a major stress for me. But, I think I have figured out a way around it. I can get an F-1 visa, which is a student visa. Of course I'd have to take out loans to be able to go to school, and probably be in debt for the rest of my life, and after I'm done with school my visa is up and I cannot switch visas to something more permanent. So, it would just be delaying the process of going back to Canada. Which, at this point, I don't mind too much. Who knows where I'll be in four years. Four years ago I definitely didn't think I'd be back in treatment for a second time. Nor did I think I'd be alive at 20. At 16 I thought by time I was 18 I'd be dead. And "If I make it to twenty I'll have dentures" which didn't exactly happen. So yeah, maybe things have improved. I don't have much to complain about right now. Well, I have tons to complain about, I'm just choosing not to, because I'm not so sure how that'd serve me at this point. Wallowing in my own self pity doesn't help much anymore. I realize I need to get up, and move forward. I need to take action. It is my life and I do want it to be better then it has been. Ive recently reconnected with an old friend. I'm extremely grateful for her, as she has been there through the most depressive points in my life, and still has stuck by. She is family, and I love her dearly. Talking to her more recently I've realized how much I have changed, although I feel as though I haven't. We used to be a little group, me, her, my ex who is her step brother, her best friend, and her boyfriend who is now her husband. We used to do everything together. Before I had initially started treatment I lived with her because, well, my parents kicked me out. She had taken me in and for about two months we were this happy little family, until my suicide attempt. Which I regret so terribly and hate myself for putting them all through. When I was 18 I had an episode where I slit my wrists and hoped to die. Instead, my ex came into the bathroom where I was attempting to do so, and then a few minutes later, the rest of everyone. They rushed me to the ER and I was admitted to the psych hospital about twelve hours later, where I had never felt so alone. I spent five days in the hospital and then went to reasons inpatient for my ed because like my friend had said "be honest about your eating disorder". They had stayed with me while I was in the ER and the entire time she had been saying to be honest. And honestly if I didn't listen to her I probably never would have gone to treatment. So ash, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you so much for everything you've ever done for me. I love you and you're a huge part of why I ever decided to change and learn to live. My parents always told me growing up that friends never last and family is forever. I'm upset, I'm hurt, I'm angry. Where the fuck are my parents now? If family is forever where are they? All I have is friends at this point. Which, again, I am so insanely grateful for. I don't know what I would be doing with out any of you. The people I choose to surround myself around are the people who actually stick around. Who knew, if you surround yourself by good people, good things happen. In my relapse this last time around, someone had asked me why I was killing myself over making my parents happy. At that time I wasn't exactly too sure what they meant and why they would say something like that. I was upset and hurt by it. But looking back just three months I completely understand that statement. Unfortunately, if I want to recover and live my life, I have to be separated from my parents. I love them so much. I love them to the moon and back. I have so much respect for them and would never do anything to hurt them. I think they are amazing people, but right now as it stands I have to love them from afar. And I'm coming to a place of acceptance with this. I think this is manageable at the point. As far as my visa goes, I've decided to get my F1. A student visa. I'll take out a loan and pay for school. I'll probably be in debt for the rest of my life but at this point, I do not care. All I'm doing is going to school for cosmetology and honestly, that's not that much money. So I need to finish high school. Which is on my list of things to do. This week I'm going to figure out how/where to go to get my transcripts. Or if I'm just going to take my GED. Also this week I'm going to meet up with a friend on Sunday and see if I can get a job anywhere. I'm excited honestly things feel like they're moving forward finally. And that's because of me. Because I finally decided to stop crying and wallowing in my self pity and actually get up and do something. The good news is, everyone else's voice is out of my head. I'm a lot more clear on what to do and how to do it.

#ed recovery #ed treatment #adulting

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