#ive got 4 pages done so far

[playbackspeed]

i read through some awesome useful writing tips and say "oh im definitely gonna use these in my book" and then i open the document and go to the part of my book where i left off and forget literally everything

[activesplooger]

Progress Update on some WIPS! + teasers! :) | Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT | Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader | His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox

a few days ago i posted a screenshot of some WIPS, and i thought I’d give a progress update! + teasers! i promise im working on everything guys i just want everything to be quality :) ive also been quite busy so, yeah!

Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT 1/2 DONE

About halfway done! Maybe a lil less than halfway? So far I’ve gotten a lot of the exposition out of the way and im starting to get onto the dirty little smutty part ;) its taking awhile bc ive been busy ALSOO smut is hard asf to write and writing deer themed smut is even harder! lmao guys the amount of deer mating season research ive done is crazy im definitely on some type of watch list now bc of my weird search history lol. I’ve gotten a lot done though! Should be out soon, I’ll let you guys know when itll be out when I get more of it done! A teaser is on my page if u wanna see it!

Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader

i dont rlly have an exact fraction amount for how much is done lol. i promise i didnt forget about it guys 🙏 i have the whole story pretty much planned out! all the scenes and stuff i want to include (+ the ending duh) are all written down! perchance ill do a bigger teaser tmrw idk sometime this wknd maybeee. I have all the scenes planned out and ik how the whole story is gonna go i just have to articulate it into words and spice it up! :) stay tuned!!

teaser!:

“The Vee's empire grew exponentially and are now the three top overlords in hell. You still worked for Vox, however, your job description changed over the next few years. A lot changed over the next few years…. You went from being introduced as “This is Y/N, my friend and assistant!” to “This is an employee of mine, she won’t be a bother.”.”

this whole paragraph is subject to change, i wouldve done a bigger teaser but im just so unsure about the other paragraphs i might literally delete it all and redo them and i dont wanna edge u guys like that lol.

His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox

OK THIS ONES SO RANDOM BUT LEMME COOK LMAO. this one has SO MUCH BUT ITS NOT EVEN CLOSE LOL. its gonna be like pretty smutty i think like toxic sweater electrocute my fukin pussy type smut. its gonna be a big one bc im trying not to make it into different parts but that might change. its gonna be a fat minute till it comes out im just chipping away at it every once in awhile 4 fun! :))

teaser!:

“Yes, dear,” Vox gestures to Papermint standing idly in a corner, “This one over here will also be my assistant. You’ll handle the more personal needs of mine while Papermint handles more business related needs.”

“I see…”

Vox, completely entranced by you, puts your resume down and extends a hand out to you across the desk, “Well, that’s all I really need! Congratulations! You got the job!”. Winning sound effects could be heard from Vox’s speakers as he congratulates you.

“Oh! I-Is that it..? No questions..?”

“Nope, I’ve seen enough- Actually, what size are you?”

“Uh… Why?”

“For your uniform, of course!”

(this is also subject to change btw! im slowly doing it its just kind of a fun lil random thing i like to do when i need a break or just feel like it)

—

stay tuned folks! if u wanna be tagged for any of these lmk in the replies!

[bookishwithathought]

ACOSF Bonus Chapter Breakdown Part VII - Azriel

Part I - Azriel and Elain

Part II - Azriel and Elain

Part III - Azriel and Rhys

Part IV - Azriel and Rhys

Part V - Azriel and Gwyn

Part VI - Azriel and Gwyn

**This is just me, analyzing the life out of the bonus chapter and all the possibilities. My thoughts and no one else's. If you agree, great. If you disagree, love it. If you want to share why you disagree, love it even more. If you are disrespectful while disagreeing, I kindly request that you move along and if you insist you will be left to argue with yourself**

Possible reasons Elain returned the necklace:

She feels rejected by Azriel and has returned the necklace

She believes what they were doing was wrong and wanted to have a total severing of the moment

She knows there are feelings attached to the gift and this is her way of rejecting his advances

{Normally, a couple returns gifts only when there's a break-up. A romantic detachment.}

It's worth noting that, just as Elain initiated their physical contact in the beginning of the bonus chapter, she is the one officially ending it with returning the necklace.

Azriel returning the necklace:

It's likely Azriel saw Elain's return of the necklace as a signal that whatever the moment was leading up to is over, which is why he opted to return to the store from where he purchased it. The alternative could've been to insist Elain keep it, but he didn't. Further confirms what he himself expressed, that it had all been wrong.

I would've loved to have a glimpse into Azriel's thoughts here, to know for sure why instead of returning the necklace to the store as he had spent all day intending to do, he opted to go to the library where the priestesses reside.

What led him to think to go there instead? For what purpose?

Why choose to give the necklace to Gwyn specifically? Why gift it to anyone at all, for that matter? He could've returned it to the Palace of Thread and Jewels as he originally intended. He could've even just thrown it into the river and be done with it. Yet something led him to think of Gwyn instead.

Possibilities:

Azriel wanted to avoid potential embarassment returning the necklace could bring

He was tired and wanted to return home but wanted to get rid of the necklace, so giving the necklace to someone in the library was most convenient

He wanted someone to have the necklace regardless and when he considered who to give it to, Gwyn came to mind

Clotho is angling her had in curiosity. Azriel probably has never asked for someone in the library by name, or brought a gift for someone for that matter. As far as we know Azriel doesn't have direct connections with the priestesses in the library aside from Gwyn.

Possibilities as to why Azriel doesn't want Gwyn to know it's from him:

Since Elain and Gwyn's lives don't intersect, Azriel maintaining anonymity will prevent them from finding out the truth about the necklace. Elain will move on thinking Azriel got rid of the necklace (likely returning it) and Gwyn can just think it's someone from the library, and Azriel can go scot-free

2. Azriel doesn't want Gwyn to think the gift is an aftertought out of guilt or pity based on their interaction

3. Azriel doesn't want Gwyn to think the necklace means anything important

4. Azriel doesn't want to have his gift possibly rejected

Clotho is pushing for truth behind Azriel's actions. For Gwyn's sake or his own? Trying to get him to be honest with himself?

Azriel is uncomfortable with Gwyn knowing the gift is from him but ok with her thinking it's from Rhys. This is Rhys' last on-page interaction with Gwyn (ACOSF):

Gwyn, however, stilled, those large teal eyes looking even more unearthly as they widened. No fear tinged her scent, but rather something like surprise—awe. Rhys threw her an easy smile, one Nesta would have bet was crafted to put people at ease in his oh-so-magnificent presence. The casual smile of a male used to people either fleeing in terror or falling to their knees in worship. “Hello, Gwyn,” he said warmly. “Good to see you again.” Gwyn blushed, shaking herself out of her stupor, and bowed low. “My lord.”

Gwyn thinks positively of Rhys, so it's possible Az knows Gwyn would receive the gift well if she thought it was from him. This would bring about complications, however, because we know Gwyn is an inquisitive person and would likely want to thank Rhys for the gift, leading Rhys to finding out the truth behind the gift. Az would get into more trouble with Rhys.

Azriel is considerate of others, not only because he is innately so but also due to a lifetime of witnessing the abuse his mother suffered at the hands of his father. He wants to be better and do better for others, even if he cannot see he is worthy of being and doing better for himself.

There's a hint of embarrassment and desperation. He really wants to do away with the necklace without any more complications. He probably thought he was just going to show up, get Clotho's agreement to give the necklace to Gwyn without all the questioning and walk away. Instead he is being challenged to face himself when he doesn't want to.

Clotho knows there's more to the necklace than Azriel is letting on. It could be that she is naturally perceptive or she has seen much with the priestesses that have come to the library through the years, or both.

Grim: depressing, gloomy, worrying

The eyes are the window to the soul. Azriel feels deep sadness and yet he tries to bring the conversation back to surface level by bringing up the snowball fight, as he did previously with Gwyn. Always keeping things at surface level, as he has also done with Elain.

Does anyone truly, deeply know him? I think Rhysand is the only one who's come the closest to that.

Clotho has seen and known too much to be easily fooled

I don't think Clotho has ever seen Azriel interact with Gwyn, but I think she sees Az coming into the library to give Gwyn a gift as an act of friendship, even if he doesn't.

"He wouldn't go so far as to call Gwyn a friend, but..."

Azriel hadn't taken the time to consider what his and Gwyn's relationship is prior to this, BUT now he is thinking about it.

By ending the sentence this way, the author has left Az and Gwyn's relationship undefined or open ended. Undefined can become friend, allies, work partners and lovers or even more and it's possible the author will explore this in a future book.

Azriel concedes to Clotho labeling them as friends. So if and when Gwyn discovers who gave her the necklace she will consider him as such if she doesn't already.

Gwyn has suffered and sacrificed much in her short life. She deserves beauty and joy amidst the tragedies that shadow her.

Why did something spark in Azriel's chest at the mention of the joy this gift will bring Gwyn? Possibilties:

Azriel likes to serve others and knowing this gift will make Gwyn happy makes his feel good about himself

This is a hint of the mating bond awakening in him

He is beginning to think of Gwyn as a friend and he's glad she'll have joy

He is fond of Gwyn and wants her to have joy

It's very similar to mate language found in the Maasverse across all three series (Throne of Glass, A Court of Thornes and Roses, Crescent City)

There is a sense of permanence in this section. Gwyn lingers in Azriel's thoughts and that's important to note, especially since the chapter began with Azriel's mind occupied by one female, yet now another lingers in it.

"For whatever reason": This section seems to be an opening for a future story to be explored.

The author could've written Azriel erase the thought, ignore it, reject it or even respond with disgust, yet she chose to have him tuck it away. Based on the definition of the term, this information will be useful in the future.

He pictured Gwyn's joy and the light in her eyes, and that brought out his own joy, causing him to react positively with a slight smile, meaning he liked picturing Gwyn that way. Implies affection or the beginnings of affection, whether platonic or romantic. It remains to be seen where the author will take this.

"Buried the image down deep": again, the author chose to have Azriel save the image of Gwyn's joy and light in her eyes. Like a precious jewel in a safety box for safekeeping. Or a seed buried in the soil, primed to grow and take root in due time if properly nurtured.

"where it glowed quietly": Azriel is keeping it alive and sustained. He chose to hold onto the image instead of letting it go. It is quiet, perhaps waiting for its time.

A contrast to when this exact description appeared earlier in the chapter. Where before it was used to describe the necklace Azriel offered Elain, it is now used to describe the image of Gwyn's joy and the light in her teal eyes. Where before it was used to describe an inanimate object, it is now used to describe a person's specific facial feature and positive emotion. Implies the latter has more substance and more value.

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

Wild’s Wolf: Febuwhump Day 4 -- Obedience (Modern AU)

“Tell me about him,” Time said as he walked down the dim research facility’s hallway, flipping through the binder in his hands. He’d already scanned through its pages at the dinner table that morning over his coffee, and again as Malon, his lovely wife, drove him to work for this impromptu… assignment. The boy’s picture sat taped in the back of the binder. He glared up at the taker of the picture viciously, his too-sharp teeth bared in a snarl and those odd long ears of his pinned back against his head. His blue eyes were pale, his skin nearly translucent against the white wall behind him. “He doesn’t look very happy with you people.”

A dry laugh. “He’s not. Appears to be male, approximately twelve years old, assuming that his species ages similarly to humans,” said the researcher walking alongside him. “Has blond hair, blue eyes, and heavy scarring along his left side. Hasn’t spoken a word we could understand since we caught him out near the city a few days ago. He’s been obstinate, aggressive—”

“I’ve read all of that in the reports you’ve given me. I want to hear your impression of him.”

They thought for a while. They stopped in the hallway, then led him into a room. Many other researchers in lab coats sat at computers or peered through the window taking up the far wall of the room. Beyond it was the room in which they held the… subject. It appeared to be empty.

“... he’s just a scared kid, I think,” they said at last. Time furrowed his brow, opening his mouth to ask just where he was, but they pointed towards the bed in the corner of the room. The covers of the single bed had been dragged down to form a sort of wall around the bed frame, but Time thought he saw glinting eyes in the shadow behind it. “He’s in there, hiding. Has been since the first day we got him. We had to drag him out kicking and screaming to run his labs yesterday, it wasn't pretty. Hasn’t eaten or drunk a thing we haven’t given him through an IV, so far.”

Time sighed, thumbing back through the folder. “And you have me here for the linguistic issue?” he confirmed, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes. He’s shouted at some of us a few times, but his language is unlike any we’ve ever heard. Figured that we’d give you a call since you’re the great professor, see if you could figure out what we’re dealing with.”

“Of course, of course.” Time dropped his hand to his pocket, checking whether the pouch that held his jabbernuts was still there. Magic made it surprisingly easy to make a living as a linguistics professor with a knack for quickly learning any language he encountered. It wasn’t like he was expected to teach anyways, and captive audiences were the best ones, after all. Of course, if anyone found out about that magic… he was already cutting it too close, having government agencies contacting him for his abilities. Time returned his attention to the room across from the glass. “What are your plans for… him?”

“Confidential information, I’m afraid,” they replied smoothly. “All we need from you today is a confirmation of whether or not he speaks a human language. We may bring you back if we need to set up a mode of communication with him, but for now we’re just wondering about his capabilities for communication at all—level of intelligence and all that.”

“I understand,” Time answered, gazing through the window. “What… what is he? He’s not human, I believe you insinuated?”

“Will you be needing anything else?” they asked brightly, stepping between him and the pane of glass. “We’d like to get this done quickly, if at all possible.”

Time knew by their tone that it was time to stop asking questions. “No, no, I don’t need anything but an hour or two with him.” He swallowed thickly. “Thank you. Show me to him, please?”

“Gladly. Follow me.” They led him out into the hallway, then to an adjacent door. “Just be careful, he’s a biter. But I’m sure you’ll be fine.” They tapped at the keypad, then spoke into the little microphone mounted to the wall. “Open the door!”

It swung open with an eerie creak. Time took a deep breath, then stepped into the room.

First Chapter >> Next Chapter

[shititsarobyn]

I’ve finished my like 8th sketchbook!! In honour of that imma make a self indulgent lil thing where I show off my favourite pages ((:

1. Was one of my bigger projects I did early on in the sketchbook of the miss peregrines home for peculiar children main cast for inktober

2.black and white sharpie thing I did after watching Angel hare on YouTube

3.the sicker page where I kept my silly lil stickers I used to decorate some pages(I’ll have to save those for the next book)

4.doodles I did in class of me and an online friends oc

5. Picrew patches I did years ago of my most loved OCs when they were first worming thier way into my brain

6.some magpie wings (: they’re my fav bird

7. MY FAVOURITE FUCKING BACKGROUND IVE EVER DONE

8.red and blue perspective attempt at my old rooms layout

9. Alma and Isobel from mphfpc bc I got inspired from and old photo ((((:

So yeah I started this one in September 2023 and finished it February 2024 and it’s probably my favourite one so far (hopefully that should be the same for the next one lol)

[thunder-shadow]

ive got many!!! 1, 4, 5, 8, 17, 21, 27, 28, 37?!

Thank uuu <333333

Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

Oh boy, yeah I daydream a lot haha - usually I get an idea and write down the bare info for it (like the ship and maybe one or two scene ideas) and then I just let it marinate for a bit, usually listening to music or reading! Then ideas usually pop in from there XD I'm a daydreamer all the way

4. How do you choose which fics to write?

Usually it's just whichever one I feel needs attention at the moment? Or whatever my brain latches onto haha

Like yesterday I meant to edit the GHE chapter so it could be posted, but instead I wrote the Earthcury one-shot turned multi-chap (which I wanna finish b4 I post it)

It's very wishy-washy is what I'm saying LOL

5. How many wips do you have?  What fandoms/pairings are they for?

All of WIPs are for SolarBalls haha I can only write for one fandom at a time XD

Okay, so obviously I have the GHE fic, the Jupixturnus fic, the Vercury fic, and now the Earthcury fic (those are all multi-chaps); then I have my oneshots, of which I plan to write Vars, Vearth, another UraEarth, a fluffy Jupiturnus one, a Poly Rocky planets one, and I still have a Sol & Nemesis one with snippets, as well as the post-paranoia Luna fic that still needs its chapter two LOL (and then I have a titanearth smut + jupixturnus smut that i'm thinking abt but shhhhhh)

That doesn't even count the random ideas I've just jotted down in my notes app LOL

8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

Oh gee, lemme find one I feel like posting!! I don't have any spoilers to be honest, bc i haven't written since i posted the ghe one or i would've used that 😭 so just have a snippet from my latest wip

I actually posted this the other day but deleted it like immediately LOL but here! from my earthcury college AU

‘Okay,’ Earth thought, narrowing his eyes. ‘First midterm is in 7 days. One week. You’ve got this,’ and he pumped his fist, ignoring the weird looks a couple of people threw at him. ‘Just need to study. Actually study for once.’ Then he looked down at the multitude of papers spread out in front of him, his laptop propped open to a chemistry video from a Youtuber he’d found on line, and groaned, letting his face fall onto the table. Across from him, Mars let out a laugh, flipping another page in his book. “Earth, I don’t know what your definition of studying is, but putting your head on the table and giving up is not studying as far I’m aware.” Earth looked up at him through his lashes, sending him as much of an annoyed look as he could muster before groaning again. “Organic Chemistry is going to kill me! Why did I decide to become a biology major?” “I don’t know. Why did I decide to become an Astronomy major?” “Because you’re weirdly obsessed with aliens?” “Wha-” Mars spluttered, putting his book down and looking at Earth. “No!” “Because you weirdly like math?” “No, Earth, because I enjoy astronomy! I like learning about it!” Mars rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his water bottle after a second. “And I know you’re the same way about biology because we’ve been roommates since freshman year!” “Ughh,” Earth whined in response. “Just let me melt into a puddle and evaporate away so I don’t have to take these midterms.” “You could just study for them, you know.” “That was my plan! But that involves studying…” “Oh, wow,” Mars said, throwing him a stare that just dripped with disdain. “Studying involves studying, I really didn’t know that, Earth.” “Fine!” Earth stood up, shoving his stuff haphazardly into his backpack. “I’ll go to the library! And this time, I’m going to actually study!”

17. Do you have a writing routine?

Nope! I literally just sit down and start writing oop

21. Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

I prefer writing one-shots just bc it feels simpler, like a one-and-done LOL but multi-chaps can be fun too!!

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

Being able to write a lot 😓 and body language, I feel quite confident in body language LOL

Also my grammar and language use, despite my copious use of em-dashes, semicolons, and ellipses I otherwise really just innately understand most grammar bc of how much I read when I was younger ‼️

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in?

DIALOGUE 😭😭😭

37. What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

The GHE fic hands down, it just feels so complicated 😭😭 I'm slowly chugging a lot, we're nearing the last few chapters :D

[his-tamine]

i'm workin on a second part of the sick forrest comic where eden catches forrest's cold,, BUT art block + depression + autistic burnout are all absolutely beating my ass so I've not been able to work on any more latelyyy </3

I'm like this close to just releasing the 4 pages ive got done so far and callin it a day lmao,, but at the same time i wanna keep trying

[exocynraku]

thoughts on a starless clan so far

i don't know if anything i said here has any definitive spoilers in it but i'll put it all under a cut for safety

short answer: it's ok. frostpaw's plot & the stuff with riverclan, riverstar & the COTP, splashtail & curlfeather are all REALLY COOL. I liked sunbeam in the beginning and have grown to dislike where her story has gone. I like the concepts surrounding nightheart's plot but dislike the execution & the reaction from the community. I am still excited for star. long answer:

frostpaw and splashtail's plot is really really good and ive been enjoying it a lot (probably because it reminds me of tpb). i liked sunbeam's plot with blazefire and lightleap and berryheart in the beginning but have gotten bored of her & her plot since nightheart showed up in her life & she moved to thunderclan. nightheart's plot has good concepts behind it but i don't like the execution & i don't like the 2 cross clan relationship plot in a row. i think it could've been better if they focused less on cross clan relationships and more on clan prejudice & xenophobia & the corruptness of the code system as a whole (though i know it's incredibly unlikely the writers would do that i still want To Hope) instead of just the romance part since we did that last arc (though i don't think it really got us anywhere as i personally dislike the 'trials' thing that was developed & don't think it's particularly useful). especially because it was specifically a cross CLAN relationship in a row. i'd be a bit more lenient if it was a clancat x kittypet/loner relationship as that hasn't been done in a bit (like if nightheart fell in love with a COTP cat or something). 

i like the pacing per-book but i think the pacing overall could be improved upon as it feels both sunbeam and nightheart's plots have been too separate from & slow compared to frostpaw's plot and haven't really been meshing well in the later books as the erins try to tie them all together. i also don't know if this is just my bad memory but i dislike the change of sunbeam and nightheart's personalities over time. they both feel like they are becoming cardboard cut out main characters to me. i liked sunbeam's relationship with lightleap blazefire & her family and thought it all was really realistic and especially in the lightleap/blazefire department was a surprising change of pace. i dislike what has become of both her plot and her personality as i feel they totally abandoned the lightleap/blazefire plot and turned her into a flat love interest. i do think it makes sense for her as a character to yearn for love but i think it'd make even MORE sense if she had a much more complicated relationship with love

i'm not going to speak further on nightheart because i know no matter what i say someone WILL be telling me to kill myself in one way or another so i'll keep in brief: no matter what you think of him, you at Need To Acknowledge & Be Conscious Of The Fact That Very Bad Things Have Been Said About & To Both Women And Disabled People Because Of His Plot In This Community. yes some very good & well-thought out conversations have been said in response, yes the majority of these things were said months and months ago when asc first was starting, But That Does Not Mean You Can Ignore That They Happened. If you want the community you are apart of to not be perceived as jackasses you cannot Ignore The Hatred Towards Women And Disabled People That Festers Inside Of It. you don't need to write a 9000 page essay about it, that's not what i'm asking, you just need to be CONCIOUS of it okay that's it. also while thinking about this i thought of how i'd rewrite sunbeam and the third pov (which i'd give to sparkpelt) so if anyone wants to hear about that send me an ask i'll make another 4 paragraph post about it

[premium-value]

this is not goodbye by Premium Value

i started making vaporwave in 2020 because ive loved vaporwave for a long time and it occurred to me that it seemed easy to get into just for fun. it was an easy creative outlet during the worst of covid, and it kept being satisfying. looking back a lot of the stuff i made early on was crap but it was still fun. in late 2021 i got reached out to for an opportunity to have one of my albums featured on this new digital label along with a release on cassette which id get a cut of. i had to make some adjustments which resulted in it eventually being a double-album feature to make it feel substantial enough, but i was really excited. essentially over the course of the next year and a half barely any progress was made on their end, id get very little communication, and while that was happening they were still releasing other albums from other artists. this sucked big time. i eventually got fed up and told them i was out, to which they responded seemingly in earnest, but it felt hollow and like they were trying to make amends far too late to save face. this year and a half led to me making probably some of my best stuff, but it was also the beginning of the end. i was running out of ideas. it wasnt until this year when i really started losing steam, both running out of ideas and motivation. again the stuff i have made this year is among my favorite releases, but lets be real including this i only released 4 completely original albums, 1 expanded re-release and one triple album re-release with just a handful of new songs. it feels like every new release i really have to strain to come up with stuff, let alone try and put it all in a cohesive album concept. when i started, up until early 2022, i was releasing an album every month. i was throwing everything i could at it, and then with the label deal sitting around and me burning through my ideas i finally slowed down to an album every other month. this year there were more and more gaps as i allowed myself some room to breathe and come up with stuff. and it was around the middle of the year when i finally cut my ties with that group and that label. if youre a part of that label and you see this and you figure out this is about you, just keep it to yourself. no drama, not necessarily any bad blood, it just sucked and im done with that part of my life. im now officially giving up on any official obligation to regularly make vaporwave. it served me as a huge passion while it lasted, and it is still fun to make stuff when it comes out good, but its just so much harder now. so maybe ill make another album next month, or the month after. maybe ill make another album in 3 months. maybe 6. maybe a year. maybe 5 years. maybe never. i dunno, i leave that up to future me. i still love vaporwave and id love to have more ideas. maybe i need to explore more rabbit holes of music to inspire me. maybe i need to explore making original music more. who knows. to sum up, this is not goodbye. it's "ill see you when i see you." so ill see you. love you. 

track list:

feeling - 6:46

Say You Love Me - 4:02

Talk to Me - 2:30

does he know - 6:34

感情 - 5:27

this is not goodbye - 3:26

released december 4th, 2023

all sample credits included on bandcamp page

[shininguponthestars]

🍠 🍙 🍘 for the writer asks!

oh lord ok

🍠 How long does it take you to write one of your fics or a chapter/part?

let me check. sun falls was written in a day or two i think but that was years ago so i can’t remember. ummm. i think each entry for taking care of was written in like, a few days up to a week? ive lost my record of harrys bc apparently i reused an old doc, but jakes took 3 days apparently & rogers took 5 or 6. & the walt oneshot was done in a night or two because it was mostly a character study fueled by my godawful flareup. as for what im working on currently uh.

well its been rough. ive had other projects to work on. (+ writing ppl inebriated is HARD) as for active days ive worked on it id say ive spent like 4 or 5 days so far

🍙 Is there a fic you wish had gotten more attention?

honestly the jake one mostly bc i rlly like jake and think it works well as a character study. were ignoring everything else about it rn im in it for the CHARACTERIZATION. but jakes an unpopular character unless ur in The Bubble of ppl who like jake so. shrugs!

im pretty preemptively scared for how my next one will do? because its walt. nobody cares or thinks about walt. but im doing this shit myself ok. ppl will think about that guy by hook or by crook

also not necessarily fic but i wish a few of the phoney related asks on lotd got more eyes on them. guuuys the foreshadowiiiing dont we love roger and jake :( come ooonnnnn lets think abt someone other than dave <- so very silly. i love to think about dave

in general though i am astounded when my shit gets ANY attention whatsoever like i keep finding ppl talking abt my work in the wild and it ASTONISHES me each and every goddamn time. so im happy w anything

🍘 Is there a fic or idea for a fic that you've abandoned?

lets go look at a wonderful place i have dubbed my fic graveyard: my notes app!

most of these go here to die because i write them at 1am and they are illegible. this does not make sense because i also write my fics at 1am but whatever! that first one also may be familiar because it is copy paste smth i said in phonecord.

as for ones i actually started / made it past the drawing board, i had a few for miscellaneous fandoms that i just kind of got performance anxiety on. shoutout my npmd time loop fic you wouldve been so cool. sad im never revisiting that! heres an excerpt from a ypwd one

thanx for the qs ^_^ i loooove 2 ramble. heres my rogersport fics cover page which was bestowed upon me via my darling partner

[squidsandthings]

top 5 manga/anime series :D

Sailor moon

My First love, my magical girl awakening, the reason i like women /hj (Haruka and Michiru the characters ever). I will always love sailor moon deeply. It genuinely saved my life and it will always be something which brings me lots of comfort. In the name of the moon, I'll love this series forever.

2. Bungo Stray Dogs

Okay wow was anyone surprised? I know this is a big shocker. To be honest going into bsd I never expected to latch onto it the way I did. I started bsd halfway through Moriarty the Patriot looking for something to watch in-between since I didn't want to finish Moriarty yet. Off-hand I happened to remember one of my irls (you know who you are) bringing up bsd so I watched all of s1 and s2 in one night. Bsd is one of those stories that's insane to explain but once it gets it's grips on your brain it's never coming out. The characters are just endless wells of potential and I never get tired of reading new analysis about the show and manga. I've made so many friends thanks to bsd. I can't not be grateful to it for being what really brought my blog any attention but also for all the connections ive made in this fandom and all the amazing fanworks Ive seen and creators i've engaged with. Bsd is absurd, its tragic, its funny, it's making me sob after work with BUBBLES???, but it's also one of the best things to happen to me, even if I'm going to push asagiri down some stairs.

3. One Piece

*looks at tab* hey! I made it to episode 250 of one piece thats like...22% finished. Yipeee....

Ok I know one piece is long, and @bubblingacid and I will gladly give you a 10 page essay about its writing and design flaws. but..GOD. For all the sexism, the pacing, for everything one piece can be. The things it's able to do keep me hooked. One piece has given me I think osme of the widest range in emotions ive experienced watching an anime. Water 7 so far is some of the best anime I've watched, in general. Arlong park, made me cry at 3am. And even if I want to chop skypeia into bits with a meat cleaver I will say it was worth it for the g8 filler arc. I was intimidated by the scaled of one piece when I started it. Finishing one piece felt like this unachiveable goal shinign off in the distance, a legend, something I could never do. But I'm here. Not done, not even halfway done, but I've made it this far. One piece fills me with hope. A stupid reckless hope, a freedom to chase a silly, impossible dream, with all my heart no matter where it takes me. And I know one day I'll finish one piece, just like I know one day Luffy will be king of the pirates, and I just have to see it.

4. Moriarty the Patriot

One of the first anime I got into! I love this show dearly. I'm not as obsessed with it as somehting like bsd. But it has alot of fond memories for me, watching it before marching band practices and such. Sherlock is my favorite ever <3 And I do say catch me if you can sherlock holmes to myself on a regular basis.

5. Pokémon Indigo & Orange Leagues

MY CHILDHOOD!! I have so many memories watching this show as a little kid with my mom. She would tell all bout watching it with her brothers and sisters as a kid and it was a real bonding experience for me with her. I did watch the dub as a kid so I did think onigiri were jelly donuts for a good amount of my life (ive learned now I promise). One of the first songs I taught myself on horn was the original pokemon opening. It's a show I'll always have nostalgia for and one which inspired me to collect way too many pokemon cards. I love it alot and always will.

ty for the ask!

[cruelsister-moved2]

Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….

And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 

Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(

hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.

the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.

and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?

and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.

one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.

the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀

9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly

[wizisbored]

🤔👖 (fanfic ask game!)

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

writing fics that are specifically meant to be funny as the primary goal is hard. like parent-creature conferences, or my old tgwdlm fic teachers pet. hard to know if things are as funny as i think i am

more generally to my writing, though, sometimes characterisations can be a little hard to keep straight. its not something id say i really struggle with, but its a thing. beetlejuice in particular, i feel the general fandom portrayal is a bit off from the source so i gotta run through scenes from the show in my head to kinda double-check him sometimes. especially when im twisting him to be a nicer (bugebroph) or meaner (snake oil). and in a similar vein to that, it can be interesting trying to balance characterisation in aus where ive changed a character's (usually lydia's) upbringing (bugebroph, netherborne, dragon au, etc). because obviously they're going to be different because of that, but you gotta keep them them. bug is more of a brat, netherborne lydia was taught not to trust and is deeply traumatised, dragon lydia is kinda naieve, but theyre all still lydia. hopefully.

also im not great at describing settings. does not help that i like cluttered rooms and the maximalist aesthetic, so if i design a place theres gonna be a lot of stuff to describe but also i have to avoid making it into a page of just stuff that is in a room. netherborne is currently being held up by such a dilema.

👖 Are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? Is it consistent?

eh its kinda somewhere in the middle? a couple times ive written the first chapter or so completely off the top of my head with maybe a couple notes and then properly outline the rest (netherborne was like that, ive started infernal children without outlining.) general mo tho is i start with one of these:

(thats netherborne, you can see it starts at 4 because i didnt plan up to 3. green boxes are unique to this one, theyre the flashback sections)

every idea i have goes in a box. sometimes its a major plot point, sometimes its just a little dialogue idea. if i know it comes before/after/around the same time as something else i join them up. and then i arrange them into chapters, alternating colours to distinguish them. sometimes i plan a few ahead, sometimes i finish a chapter and then open this to see what the hell i can put into the next one. so like, i know roughly where the plot is going and things that are going to happen, but not really when or in what order most of the time.

(here have another one. thats snakeoil. sure hope these are small enough to be illegible)

from there i write an outline in bullet points. these used to be far more loose but ive been writing more and more detailed ones lately. sometimes they approach being their own rough draft tbh. but i find it really makes writing easier to get down roughly what happens before i think about anything like scene transitions or exact wording or anything.

(thats some bugebroph)

sometimes i note down my ideas in this format too if ive got a really clear idea i dont want to forget and thats a bit long for a box

and then from there its first draft, edit, proof read, and done :)

[iantimony]

tuezdai

i was thinking about crossposting this to dreamwidth and THEN i remembered that ive been looking for an excuse to make. a neocities website. so. :3 i am going to make a neocities page for weekly roundup hehe

relatedly look at this bizarre captcha i got when i went to make an account. like. any of these fools could be robots.

listening: not a lot of music this week but ive been listening to rangedtouch's just king things podcast! i'm listening in order from the beginning and im at about halfway through ep 8 (the dead zone). i really enjoyed their homestuck reread podcast so when that finished i was like. well. i want to listen to these clowns (appreciative) hang out more. time to peruse their back catalog. and ive been enjoying it so far! i wouldn't call myself a huge king-head, i've read carrie, salem's lot, the shining...pet sematary? cujo? a few other misc king stories. there's a short story about a cat that crawls its way down someone's throat i think was stephen king and that one lives in my head rent-free. so definitely a lot of books ive never even heard of in here, and i definitely haven't read the Big King books (the stand and dark tower, mainly) but it doesn't matter too much for podcasting :)

sidebar, i told my roommate about the podcast and she misunderstood the premise and thought it was like. audiobook style. like they were reading the books out loud. i was like babe the stand episode is less than 4 hours long. do you think it's on like 10x speed. lololol

music-wise, @delta-orionis has some DELICIOUS synthwave playlists that ive been working out and studying to. it's like 40 hours long. go nuts

reading: i went to the library with the intention of wandering the nonfiction section until i found something that looked fun but they're remodeling soon so a ton of the stacks aren't open for wandering rn...i can reserve stuff and pick it up but they're not accessible to the public :( the fiction section is though so i grabbed "the birthday of the world", a short story collection by ursula le guin! i thought short stories would be nice because of my lack of time to properly get engaged in a Book and i was right, it rules. i read the first three or so last weekend when i took myself to brunch at a new tea place on main street (3/5 for the brunch, the restaurant is brand new so there are definitely some things that went wrong - food took forever to come out, i was frequently forgotten, after i was seated i waited for like 10 minutes to be noticed by waitstaff, when i finally got my food the rice was crunchy, etc. i would go back to eat there but not any time soon, maybe in a few months after theyve been open for a while. the tea RULED though. their gimmick is like...travel? airplane? so all the staff introduce themselves as flight attendants, and their rewards card is formatted like a passport book where once you get a row of stamps for a certain continent you get a free tea, and once you fill out the whole book you get another free tea........it's so cute.......) actually now im not sure if it's the location the tea came from or the Type of tea? because that top column goes from japan to england which is not exactly a Region. eurasia????? idfk. still cute

anyways. the short stories. i read the first three ("Coming of Age in Karhide", "The Matter of Seggri", and "Unchosen Love") and really enjoyed them! i never finished Left Hand of Darkness (i will return to her one day i promise) but it definitely wasn't required reading even though the first story was set on that same planet. the next story is "Mountain Ways" which is actually available online for those interested :)

watching: more evangelion, and my roommate put on "cunk on earth" for me and it rules it's so funny. obsessed with her.

making: embroidery progress! about halfway done filling in the headphone cord.

as a self reminder, the task list for finishing this is:

fill in headphone cord

words along the side

fill stitch for hair

color in eyes

add misc hair flyaways

misc: quantum midterm thursday......it's open note so im not as frantic as last semester's exams but still. ah. ahhhh. :(

[maxxklaire]

marathon

truthfully i don’t think i’d be alive right now if i didn’t have music. especially my own music, im more alone & sad & depressed & shit than i’ve ever felt. & i’ve been running & avoiding & trying to be okay for so long, i cant escape though. it catches up to me no matter how much i think i’ve healed, how okay i think i am. it’s exhausting & i’m tired. i don’t want to kill myseld, that’s corny & i’ve done nothing significant to me yet. idc about significant to others, i hope i can be someone ppl use like i use music. to feel. to express. not that i have any fans anyways, im only doing it for me. my own gf i watxh her skip my songs whenever they come on in her playlist so. do i kepe going? is that the choice i want? i jus want less, less pain, less melancholy & more life exploding from me. all i feel exploding is my head in my imagination when i’m splattering it onto the new canvas i bought, yes Van Gogh my fav artist. i’m jus idk. to the point i know my life has to change & i know i have too but i don’t have the people around me , i don’t have the resources, i don’t even have a car, a bed, i sleep on a couch for the last 4 years. i haven’t had a job since i was 19 & im 21 now. my family always telling me i need to get this & that but never want to help me, but they help my siblings so i guess they aren’t complete assholes. i’ve always felt cast aside in my own home , childhood was terrible for me bc it was the worst years of our live collectively and i was rhe oldest of my siblings so im the only one who really remembwes and was affexted by it all. being 13-18 during it all, and watxhing and experiencing it all and having it completelly change & create who i am now. & i’m still dealing with it all bc i supressed so much. it comes out in bursts & moods i jus want it to come out in art. my music. my drawings. eveyrthing bleeding from me is agony onto the pages & beats but none of it is me. it’s all made up , all what i envision happiness to be. i create chatacter & settings for songs & then abandon them bc i cant create in real time what i see in my mind. i lack the confidence & im aware of tha. i think too much about being perceived & i can feel something coming that’s gonna change that, i hope. i care to much about eveyrthing & everyone & how ill be seen bc of what i might say on a song or in a tweet or wear on my body. i hate it. i love music & it’s the only outlet i have , i have few friends & no friends who are in music like me. i’ve met ppl online far away who are as passionate as me but they also are in horrible positions. i’ve met people i wnat to reach out too & ask to help me with my music & work wit them. Fatmowf, Modure , G Smoove , amongst others but my fear of rejection & being seen as not able to even make music good is the issue. i don’t care about making good music i like making what i like, but then i start trying to hard & start thinking “oh this isn’t good no one will like this i have to make it be good” & then it jus gets worse. i hate every song i’ve written bc they’re all so try hard & imitating the ppl i like. which is fine i guess. everything i make sound so simple & uninteresting , my voice sounds shitty on every song, i cant write a song with a clear point theme or topic. ive thought of giving up but i never will bc this is what i wanna be. what i wanna do. i’m putting all i have of me into music & if it doesn’t pay off by 27 or sum i might kill myself. bc depressed but also like i’m not going thru life working mediocre jobs & bullshit for others. eveyrday working the same job for $10 hr hating life. i cant do that. i’m writing this from my gmas bathroom bc i came to see her & she asked what’s wrong & i said i’m depressed & she told me i need to get out & do stuff & get a job. i had my life taken from me by her & my family bc they took all the support i could’ve had away. they sold my car before i even got my license. they never took me to get it i didn’t get it till i was 19. they never talked to me growing up abt my feelings etc & never came to

[crmsnmth-journal]

4/29/2024 9:16 PM

My day started with excruciating pain in my stomach at 4:30 in the morning. I slept on the bathroon floor and woke up in so much pain, I thought something had ripped inside of me. This meant fuck the cost, I'm going to the ER. So I called my grandmother and asked her to drive me. If I would've waited an hour, I could've made it to Urgent Care. Does not matter. The pain I felt this morning was some of the worst cramping I've ever felt.

My town's hospital is…well, not good. There's only like two or three actual doctors, and the one I got today just solidified the my opinion of it. After getting me in a room, the nurse did the usual. Immediately got me on IV fluids because I guess I was extremely dehydrated. It took four pokes to get it in. That doesn't phase me. It happens alot. Side effect of the bad days. The doctor came in, explained they wanted to do a CT scan of my stomach and intestines. So that means I get to drink the worst tasting contrast fluid. I've had a lot of contrast fluid, but this was by far the nastiest stuff I've had. Either way, that takes an hour then before I can get in the CT. An hour passes and we get the CT done. I'm told I'll have results in twenty to thirty minutes. IT WAS AN HOUR AND A HALF BEFORE ANYBODY EVEN CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM. I couldn't even lay on the bed. I was curled up on the floor and rocking back and forth. The nurse saw this. The doctor saw this. And nothing. When asked to rate my pain, I put it at an eight. Doesn't that say something? I wasn't offered anything for pain until I left, which is fine. I can't allow opiates, so they had some other one I've never heard of that they gave me. I got sent home with a bottle of Magnesium Citrate and a good luck. I've spent the rest of the day yelling at god in the bathroom. It's going to be a long night. And I've got to play a gamble at some point. I have to take my meds…I'm holding it off for as long as I can, as the real show didn't start until a few hours ago. I feel a million times better in my stomach, thankfully. But getting there, and finishing this is not an enjoyable experience. And my doctor wants me to take a dose of miralax tomorrow. Flush the whole system I guess.

My laptop is being stupid again. It won't load most websites. Tumblr still works, bing's home page works, and spotify works. It's with all browser's too. Edge, Firefox, Chrome. Not one of them works right and I don't know what that's about. I tried looking up some fixes but not one of then works except for restarting my laptop, and that only lasts for about an hour. I have hardwired into the net. But this isn't the only problem with this laptop as it grows in age. Sometimes the wifi adapter just stops working. I have to do a full battery drain to get it to work again, and I'm sick of losing my wallpaper.