#ive fallen off the deep end

[nyaskitten]

Guy who wants to start 3D modelling: Man I really wanna try Blender

Guy who only has smoothies: Dude you SO should it's so good for you

Lloyd from Lego Ninjago: The Blood Moon is coming!!!

[calliecopper]

Ian Gallagher Being His Own Person, and Why That's Controversial

A meta about Ian's story during his time away from Mickey, and the hate his character receives for it. Inspired by @dazzle02 :)

How many times have you heard somebody say that they skipped season 8 of Shameless because Mickey wasn't in it? How many times have you heard somebody say that season 7 is only good during Mickey's episodes, or that the story is boring without Mickey in it, or that Ian's S6-8 arc was boring without Mickey? How many times have you heard somebody proclaim that Ian wasn't a good partner to Mickey?

Mickey is undeniably THE fan favorite character of the show, and with that comes a tendency for fans to defend him tooth and nail, even when he is in the wrong, and refuse to see any other points of view. Characters who go against Mickey in any way receive a harsh amount of criticism that sometimes is not fully justified. This applies even to Mickey's main connection to the story: Ian.

During season 5 and onward, some fans hold Ian's actions against him very harshly when I feel he deserves a bit more empathy. Of these, there are three main things people criticize his character for during seasons 5, 6, and 7 that I feel are not given proper analysis and thought by fandom.

Disclaimer before we get in because people feel very passionately about these two: Every interpretation of a character is entirely unique to each individual viewer, and these are just my opinions. This is in no way an anti-Mickey post, so as you read, keep in mind that any criticism toward him is not meant to make him out to be a bad character. Don't bite me.

Season Five: The Breakup of All Time

I think a large part of why people get so upset with Ian for the breakup is because of the growth Mickey experienced in seasons 4-5 leading up to it.

Mickey in seasons 1-3 is in extreme denial of being gay, and when he grows feelings for Ian, he lashes out and treats Ian like shit. Seeing Mickey's slow growth starting in season 3 brought interest to his character, and in season 4 with his major growth during his coming out, he becomes very compelling to a viewer. After all the angst that it took to get Mickey to finally open up, there's a natural desire to see that positive growth and relationship development continue. When Ian throws a wrench in that by breaking up with Mickey in season 5, people get upset, and they're going to direct that toward Ian because he is the easiest to blame.

There's the sentiment of, "Mickey came out for Ian, took care of Ian, and supported Ian when he needed him most despite his faults. Why is Ian leaving Mickey in the dust when he now needs him most?"

This is honestly not an unreasonable thing to feel when looking at things from Mickey's perspective.

But, when you take a look at Ian's character, and you really think of his motivations in that moment, his decision to break up is actually very understandable. Ian didn't break up with Mickey because he thinks Mickey is a bad partner or because he doesn't love Mickey enough. He broke up with Mickey because he thought that's what was best FOR Mickey.

I think comparing the breakup to their fight over marriage in season 10 to be an effective way to understand Ian better.

In season 10:

"How do you know you love me? Huh? How do you really know? I'm bipolar, right? I don't know who I am from one day to the next, and I can't guarantee shit. So why do you wanna spend the rest of your life with me?"

- Ian to Mickey, S10E9

Compare this to this conversation during the breakup:

"You used to love me. Now you don't even know who I am. Shit, I don't know who I am half the time... You don't owe me anything."

"I love you."

"The Hell does that even mean?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12

I feel that Ian's mindset is pretty similar in these two moments. In season 5, he is still grappling with his diagnosis, and he has no frame of reference of how a healthy life with bipolar can look. Everybody has been comparing him to Monica, and he himself seems to oscillate between thinking he is like her and not like her, so in his mind, he has nothing to offer anymore.

Then, in season 10, in his mind he proved himself right. He tried to get his shit in order, lived happily and found peace with his diagnosis, and then he fucked it up. He had an episode, and he lost everything he fought so hard to have. He has practically ruined his life because he DID what he FEARED he would:

"I hate the meds. You gonna make me take 'em?"

"You get fucking nuts when you don't."

"Are you gonna want to be with me even if I don't?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12

That conversation isn't Ian saying he isn't going to take his meds, given how in season six, he IS taking his meds. I interpret his above statement to be a warning to Mickey. Because Monica has tried to get on her meds before, has tried to get better, and has failed many times. IAN has gone off his meds willingly twice now. This is him telling Mickey, straightforward, "I do not like the meds, and there will always be a risk of me deciding not to take them."

And in seasons 8-9, he does exactly that. He goes off his meds, and he destroys everything he built for himself. That's part of the reason why he hesitates to marry Mickey in season 10, and part of the reason he breaks up with Mickey in season 5.

Ian views himself and his disorder to be a burden on the people he loves. He believes that Mickey will be better off without him.

"I don't want you sitting around, worrying, watching me, waiting for me to do my next crazy shit."

- Ian to Mickey, S5E12

Because Mickey HAS been doing that. Ever since he was diagnosed, Mickey has been watching Ian like a hawk, acting like a nurse, which frustrates Ian.

"Fuckin' nurse now?"

[...]

"I'm sick of your whiny, pussy crap. I don't need a fucking caretaker, alright? I need the shit-talking, bitch-slapping piece of Southside trash I fell for. Where is he? The fuck is he, Mickey?"

- Ian to Mickey, S5E10

But, of course, Mickey doesn't see it that way. To Mickey, Ian is anything but a burden he wants to unload.

"It means we take care of each other. [...] It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit."

- Mickey to Ian, S5E12.

Mickey would do anything for Ian. He confronted his worst fear by coming out, stayed with Ian even after the infidelity, defended Ian after he kidnapped his son, and tried his best to understand a mental illness he had no prior knowledge about. Yet, Ian still won't commit to him. After everything, he still isn't good enough.

"I'm not saying never!"

"No, you're just saying you don't love me enough now."

- Ian and Mickey, S10E9

And Ian, meanwhile, thinks that HE isn't good enough for MICKEY. He has been diagnosed with a lifelong condition, one that he has seen ruin lives firsthand, something that will be a part of him for the rest of his life, and he doesn't wanna tie Mickey down to that life.

It's all one massive miscommunication.

Finally, I think the part that is the most confusing to fans regarding Ian's mindset during the breakup stems from his moments with Monica in S5E11 and S5E12.

Specifically, the parallels between these two conversations.

"Ian, there's always gonna be people that are gonna try and fix us. And you can never make those people happy. Like it breaks their heart just to look at you."

"Yeah, um, even Mickey now."

"He's your boyfriend, right? [...] I'm sure he means well, but you need to be with people who accept you for who you are. And they're out there. You should never apologize for being you."

- Monica and Ian, S5E11.

Vs.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Too much! Too much is wrong with me. That's the problem, isn't it? Too much is wrong with me, and you can't do anything about that. You can't change it. You can't fix me, 'cause I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, okay? I'm me!"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E12.

Monica's interpretation of the relationship seems to paint Mickey in a negative light. "He means well, but he doesn't get it," or something along those lines. Based on her previous experiences with the diagnosis, she has come to the conclusion that people like Mickey or Fiona, who try to get them to take medication and are saddened by the diagnosis, are being controlling, and do not love them for who they really are. That's why she always went back to Frank; he actively tried to get her to NOT take her meds or get better, and did not encourage her when she DID try to get better. So, to her, being off her meds IS the TRUE version of herself, and the people who can not accept that do not accept her.

But I think, while Ian's lines parallel Monica's, that he does not think the same way that she does.

Toward the end of season 5, Ian seems to do a complete 180 from his previous statements on his similarities with Monica.

"You flushed your pills? You get thats a full-on Monica move, right?"

"I'm not Monica."

- Ian and Fiona, S5E8

Vs.

" [...] Cause they all say how alike we are."

"That's probably not a compliment."

"Uh... No, I think it is."

- Ian and Monica, S5E11

This happens in the wake of his arrest, after Ian's siblings talk about him to the military police. Many of their comments seem to hit Ian in a way that makes him feel misunderstood or like a burden.

Debbie: But he's been acting crazier for longer than that.

Lip: Yeah, at least this past year.

Officer: How would you characterize his behavior?

Debbie: Compared to how he used to be... He's different.

Lip: He'll go back and forth from, you know, being depressed, to, you know, incredibly wound up. I mean, he ran off with a baby for no reason.

Debbie: He almost hit me in the head with a baseball bat.

Fiona: Our mother was bipolar, so we know what it looks like. She put us through Hell, and- I'm not saying you put us through Hell, but when they're manic they can be destructive.

Officer: In your opinion, does he require medication?

Fiona: Yes.

Officer: Is he unable to care for himself?

Fiona: Sometimes, yes.

So, when Ian talks to Monica when they reconnect, Ian expresses loneliness and a feeling of isolation.

"I'm really glad you came, yknow? I just... I needed someone to talk to who... gets it."

- Ian to Monica, S5E11

When Monica tells Ian to not be ashamed and that she loves him for him, she is kind of acting like his Frank. The meds have been taking a toll, and recovery is so difficult that running with her and getting validation from the only other person who could "get it" is an easy choice to make. I think the combined factors of Mickey treating him so delicately, his siblings laying out his flaws so plainly, and his mother's open acceptance creates a feeling of bitterness or shame, and Ian is hoping to find comfort in his mother.

But it doesn't go the way he expects it to.

At the diner, he thinks that Monica is going to prostitute herself for money, and is relieved when she doesn't. It's likely he was thinking of his own stint at the Fairytale in this moment.

Then, he recalls a moment from his childhood that he does not look upon fondly, only for Monica to refer to it as "good times."

He meets Monica's partner and discovers he is an aggressive teenage meth dealer that she is helping to sell the meth.

I think Ian has a true moment of clarity during this. He had thought that he was vindicated, that everybody else was wrong, that they didn't understand, that Monica was right, and that he was perfectly fine just the way he was. But then he sees what Monica considers to be "a happy life."

"Ian, I'm finally happy. People like us, we can be happy. I love him, and that's the most important thing, to find somebody to love, right? Who loves you back for who you are. I want that for you. I love you. We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

- Monica to Ian, S5E12.

Monica's perception of life is warped. What she considers a good life is living in a trailer selling meth. Good memories are traumatic memories for those around her. True love and support is an aggressive teenage dealer, or Frank Gallagher.

A simple drive to Ian was a horrifying kidnapping to Svetlana. Doing a porn that was no big deal to Ian was a betrayal of trust to Mickey. Joining Monica and ignoring the calls of his well-meaning but ignorant family to Ian was a painful and worrisome disappearance to them. Ian's perception HAS been warped, and he's crashing back to reality, realizing that he has run off with MONICA, realizing that he can't continue down the same path as her, and needs to go home.

He's come to accept that he is bipolar. He's internalized what his family has kept repeating, that he is just like Monica, and looking at her living like this, believing that she is living well, is terrifying to him.

So he goes home, believing that he is just like his mother, and he's doomed to be a piece of shit. He goes back, and he breaks up with Mickey. Because he doesn't think that people like him can be happy, and he doesn't think he'll be okay. And that isn't something that Mickey can change. Too much is wrong with him, and Mickey can't do anything about it.

Really, it's just a matter of Ian operating under the "if you love them, let them go" mindset, and Mickey interpreting it as a rejection. It's the two of them both believing they are not good enough for the other and internalizing it instead of properly communicating.

TL;DR: Ian's breakup with Mickey in S5E12 is not done in a healthy OR selfish mindset. To him, he will do nothing but drag Mickey down, and in his unmedicated and clearly altered state of mind, he thinks the best thing is to let him go.

Season Six: Dating Caleb and Other Blasphemy

The first time we see Mickey in season six, it's behind a pane of glass in an orange jumpsuit.

Mickey had tried to murder Sammi, Ian's half-sister, and had been sentenced to prison for 15 years. It's established that Ian has not been to visit Mickey much and is trying to move on past that time in his life. But, upon being bribed by Svetlana, Ian visits, and during this visit Mickey asks Ian a question:

"You gonna wait for me?" - Mickey to Ian, S6E1.

And when Ian shows hesitation:

"Fuckin' lie if you have to, man, eight years is a long time." - Mickey to Ian, S6E1.

So, Ian replies:

"Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I'll wait." - Ian to Mickey, S6E1.

Before even meeting Caleb, fans absolutely tear into Ian for his decision to not commit to Mickey in this moment. They call it selfish, or out of character, or unfair to ice Mickey out when he is going through this difficult time.

But, let's look at it from Ian's position.

Ian has dealt with abandonment issues his entire life, with both Monica and Frank being unstable and infrequent providers during his adolescence. Throughout his relationship with Mickey, they had been separated on three separate occasions, one of which was entirely voluntary on Mickey's part. Now, due to committing a major crime, Mickey has been sent away for up to fifteen years. They would both be in their thirties by the time Mickey would be released, or close to it if he got out early, and that's not even considering that he was actively taking part in jobs / activities that could extend his sentence, like stabbing people.

Ian has dealt with recurring disappointment and abandonment his entire life, and throughout their time together, Mickey hasn't really established himself as stable.

Now, before you bring out the pitchforks;

"But Mickey was there for Ian and supported him through seasons 4-5. He grew as a person and proved he IS reliable."

Yes, that's true. He did undergo massive development that allowed him to be a better partner and more reliable person to Ian. But, canonically that period of time only takes place over a few months.

Mickey, for the better part of 2-3 years, was NOT a good partner to Ian. Multiple years of an unsteady situationship is not so easily forgotten. Yes, Mickey 1000% had valid reasons for acting the way he did. It's made very clear in S3E6 and S4E11 why Mickey hides his sexuality and lashes out when forced to confront it. But that isn't an excuse. His reasons for acting in a negative way towards Ian the first three seasons is understandable, but he went about it in a bad way.

Not to mention that, despite his growth, Mickey has just been sent to PRISON. No matter how you spin it, his decision to go after Sammi was NOT justified and does not necessarily bring forth confidence in his reliability and stability.

It's not unreasonable for Ian to not want to wait for over a decade for a man who has not always been the best for him. It sucks as a viewer who is invested in them, but Ian was not in the wrong.

Beyond (justifiably) selfish reasons, Ian also already thought that he was bad for Mickey, was worried that he would ruin his life, and with Mickey's justification for his torture attempt being that he did it FOR Ian, that Sammi had it coming because of what she did TO Ian, Ian probably felt responsible for that as well. There was probably a level of guilt in Ian from the whole situation, both for Mickey being in prison and for leaving him there.

But from his point of view, it's better for everybody to try and move on.

What really bothers me about this criticism toward Ian is the sense that he OWED Mickey his time and loyalty. Because Mickey had given and sacrificed so much for Ian during seasons 4-5, it's like people think Ian is then obligated to return that for Mickey, no matter what Mickey did. It's a very transactional way to view the situation, and it just leaves me with an icky taste in my mouth. Nobody owes anybody anything in that situation. Ian does not owe Mickey companionship, and Mickey did not owe Ian support when he got put in prison in season 9. Returning to Ian was Mickey's decision to make, and not a decision Ian was obligated to make in season 6.

Now, onto the actual "dating other people" part of the conversation.

For months, Ian has done nothing but get his meds on track while working at Patsy's, then at the janitors job on Lip's campus. During this time, Ian expresses having a very low sense of self-worth.

"He as smart as you?"

"No."

"Yeah, he's smart."

"Lip is the genuis of the family."

"So that gives you an excuse for not finishing [high school]? You seem plenty smart, and Dav's uniform doesn't really suit you."

- Ian, Lip, and Professor Youens, S6E3

And:

"This is it for me, Lip. This job. This is where I land."

- Ian to Lip, S6E3

Which Lip comments on in a very concise way:

"Yknow, he thinks... Being bipolar means he's doomed to be a piece of shit like our mother."

- Lip about Ian, S6E3

Ian feels no sense of purpose during these months. He feels he has no worth and that he is doomed to work a dead-end job and have no happiness. He thinks he is just like Monica.

That only changes when he witnesses an accident on the highway, and he saves a woman's life by pulling her out of a burning car.

This leads us to Caleb.

Now I'll admit, this is where I take issue with the storytelling, because this would've been a PERFECT way to segue into Ian's EMT arc, but regardless of what I personally think would've been better, the way it plays out in canon does actually still make sense for Ian's character.

After saving the woman from the burning car, Ian collapses due to smoke inhalation and exhaustion. A firefighter on the scene provides Ian with oxygen, thus saving his life. Ian immediately fixates on this particular firefighter.

Now, Ian has a very complicated relationship with feeling his emotions post his diagnosis. In season five, when he is numbed by his meds, the only way for him to feel again is through pain, via self-harm or starting physical fights, and sex. In fact, sex plays a major part in many aspects of Ian's life.

From the age of fifteen, Ian had been consistently subject to sexual abuse. He's been used for his body by countless men throughout his teenage years and has been oftentimes reduced merely to his sexuality and what he can provide to his partner. Even Mickey, in season 2, tells Ian as such in a panicked rage.

"You think we're boyfriend and girlfriend here? You're nothing but a warm mouth to me."

- Mickey to Ian, S2E8.

(No, I'm not saying Mickey sexually abused Ian. But he did contribute to the way we see Ian default so heavily to objectifying and sexualizing himself.)

So, due to this recurring trauma, Ian has a tendency to default to sex as the primary way of getting satisfaction, be it emotional or physical.

So, when Ian gets a rush of adrenaline from the crash, after months of that numbness, he chases the emotions in the most effective way he knows how.

Ian goes to the firehouse with cookies to give as thanks to the firefighter who saved him, but with a clear ulterior motive of getting laid. When he finds out that the particular firefighter (who happens to be part of the "gay shift" which is an odd writing choice) he saw on the highway is married, Ian meets Caleb. In this scene, they speak all of one line to each other when Caleb invites Ian to a firehouse softball game. The next time we see them on screen together, Ian acts very flirtatious toward Caleb, which sets forth their relationship.

"You ever pitch?"

"... Usually, but I'm open depending on what you're into. Where we doing this?"

"Follow me."

[...]

"Wait, we're actually playing softball?"

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5

I think Ian receives hate for this simply because he's expressing interest in a guy that isn't Mickey. Fans get the impression that Ian is moving on too fast or that his interest in Caleb is sudden or rushed. However, I think the rushed nature actually works to show Ian's intentions. In this moment, Ian is not really looking for a full-on relationship. Given how little they interacted thus far, the fact that Caleb wasn't even who Ian was originally interested in, and how Ian's comments consistently err on the side of sexual, its safe to say Ian was just looking for a hookup. In fact, it's Caleb who pushes so hard FOR the relationship.

Mickey, in a deleted scene, hooks up with an inmate right after talking with Ian. If Ian's relationship with Caleb had only been a fling or hookup, I don't think Ian would've been as heavily criticized. As it is, fans get upset at this relationship because it IS a relationship. They go on dates, Ian starts staying with Caleb, and really they seem to be very domestic.

But I don't think Ian was as dedicated to the relationship with Caleb as fans make him out to be.

From the jump, Ian seems uncomfortable with the quick-moving pace of it. At first he only seems interested in sex with Caleb, but upon the negative reaction that provokes, Ian conceded to going on a date with Caleb (which is a bit of a slap in the face to Mickey fans after Gallavich's ruined date.)

"[...] I was hoping to get my hands on your hose."

"Is that what this is to you? A fuck?"

"You say it like it's a bad thing. Come on, let's get out of here."

"No. I knew you were younger than me, but I thought you were a grown-up."

"Fuck. Okay. Okay. Hey, I'm into you, alright? I thought you were into me."

"I am."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't stick my dick in just any guy."

"What do you want, then?"

"Seriously? Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Yeah."

"A date."

"With, like, flowers and chocolate and shit?"

"No, we could skip the flowers."

"Okay. You're on."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5

(Side note, pulling a "is that all this is to you" after two non-romantic interactions is not just quick in terms of hookup culture, which Ian is more attuned to, but is quick in any terms. More on that later.)

During this date, Ian is visibly very uncomfortable. Some would chalk this up to him having never been on a date before, and the writing even seems to imply that,

"Okay, look, I have no idea what I'm doing. My last boyfriend wasn't much of a talker, his idea of a conversation was to insult me a bunch and then punch me right before we banged."

- Ian to Caleb, S6E6

but that's actually not true, DESPITE the writers forgetting that.

"You know, Mickey and I never went out on dates. Ned never took me out, Kash and I fucked in the back of a convenience store, and I don't think jerking off strangers in a nightclub counts, so..."

- Ian to Lip, S6E6.

He actually HAD gone out on a "date" with Ned in season three, where he was visibly less uncomfortable than on his date with Caleb. He also went to many loft parties during his time dancing at the club, wherein he blended in very well and was able to sorta chameleon himself with the northside crowd. I think the show wants us to believe his discomfort is from him "never having been on a date before" or being unfamiliar with a "slower" pace, but I think his discomfort actually would stem from him just genuinely not being interested in Caleb in a romantic way, and thus feeling awkward on a date that's in a more romantic setting (compared to his one with Ned, which was undoubtedly more sexual.)

I also think his discomfort stems from being completely out of his element. Ian has taken a massive hit to his confidence since his diagnosis, so his Southside roots bring about a bit more hesitancy in him than it might have before, and he may be less confident in his ability to chameleon. That's why, during the date, Ian shows discomfort with Caleb when he shows more "class" than Ian.

"Usually, I get a bunch of apps to share. You good with that?"

"[Uncertain hum] ... Appetizers! Sure, yeah, big- big fan of apps."

[...]

"You seem like a very pensive kinda guy. You an only child?"

"Uh, no."

"Brothers and sisters?"

"A bunch, yeah."

"Older or younger?"

"Both."

"What about your parents? Both still alive?"

"... Yeah."

"... Fantastic. I'm learning so much."

[...]

"Where I'm from, people communicate with their fists."

"Where's that?"

"Southside."

"Mmm. Hands of steel. Okay, so you're a street rat. A brawler."

"Is that a problem?"

"Only if you make it one."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6.

Then, beyond their first date, we have the actual relationship to dive into.

Throughout his scenes with Caleb, Ian seems to oscillate between neutrality, discomfort, or mild enjoyment in the situations he finds himself in.

There's this interaction, for example, where Ian lets Caleb take charge in defining their relationship:

"So what are we doing?"

"Whatever you want, I guess."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E7.

Or this moment:

"What are you smiling at?"

"I like having you over here. What are you smiling at?"

"I like having a purpose."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E8.

Or when Caleb invites Ian out with his friends, and we see Ian slip into his chameleon persona, mirroring the petty mannerisms of the most vocal participant of the conversation, as well as avoiding diving too much into his personal history.

"You haven't told me which one is your ex."

"Guess."

"Old guy, pink sweater."

"How'd you know?"

"Ooh, a redhead, Caleb? Does his carpet match his drapes?"

"You're a good sport."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E8.

[...]

"If we had known you were bringing a middle school student, Caleb, we wouldn't have come to a place that cards."

"Oh, no, it's cool, I don't drink. I hear it makes your skin old and leathery."

"That's-that's how we're playing this?"

"Hey, you threw down first."

"Where you from, kid?"

"Back of the Yards."

"Local boy. What's your story?"

"Story?"

"Who you are, what you do, how did you meet this chocolate bundt cake?"

"Met him at the firehouse."

- Ian and Gregory, S6E8

[...]

"We like this one, Caleb. Don't we, Gregory?"

"I mean, If young, beautiful, and kind of a smartass is something to like, sure, fine, I guess we do."

- Caleb's friends about Ian, S6E8.

OR, in a deleted scene where Caleb expresses frustration at Ian keeping the distance between him and Ian's family, as well as Ian's lack of communication, while Ian seems unbothered or even perplexed by Caleb's frustration.

"So, where'd you sleep last night?"

"Home. Got done at three, told you I'd be late."

"Yeah, like nighttime late, not next day late."

"Well, I didn't wanna wake you, and I had to go back there to grab some stuff: clothes, towels..."

"Where's there?"

"Home, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Back of the Yards."

"Right. You did mention that once. I still don't know where it is or who I'd call if there was an emergency?"

"Uh... my brother, I guess? Or my sister."

"Brother or sister. Okay. I'll just track down Ian Gallagher's brother or sister on the internet."

"I'll... put their numbers in your phone."

"Great."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E11 deleted scene.

OR any of the follwing:

When they go to get Ian tested for STDs, he is visibly uncomfortable having Caleb in the room with him.

He is only comfortable revealing his bipolar disorder if it is done in exchange for another secret from Caleb.

He isn't very comfortable sharing his past, only references his previous relationship in a lighthearted manner, and he only reveals his sexual history upon feeling pressured to do so, which he purposefully presents in a callous way.

To me, the entirety of Ian and Caleb's relationship reads as Ian's desperation for validation through sex, which leads to him putting up with a relationship he isn't entirely comfortable in or commited to or ready for. To me, it seems like he's truly just looking for companionship in any way he can get it.

Out of everything, though, I think what really gets to fans most about this storyline is the constant comparison of Caleb to Mickey as a means of demonizing Mickey.

Throughout the entirety of Ian and Caleb's relationship, there is a constant comparison between the two relationships, seemingly with the intent of painting Mickey as a horrible partner.

When Ian tells Lip about his upcoming date with Caleb, he remarks that he never went on dates with Mickey, which comes off as an unnecessary jab.

During his date with Caleb, Ian talks about his lack of effective communication skills, which reflects negatively on Mickey, to the point Caleb brings forward the idea of domestic abuse.

During the wedding that Ian attends with Caleb, Ian mentions Mickey's marriage to Svetlana, and he uses a tone that comes off as belittling the situation and how difficult it was for Mickey.

There's this line, when Caleb asks Ian to kiss for the first time:

"Can I kiss you?"

"I thought kissing comes after you've had sex a bunch of times."

"Ian, kissing comes whenever you want it to. Even now."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6.

Then, there's Mandy stating that Caleb was better than Mickey.

"A hot black fireman. Also an artist."

"Upgrade from my brother."

"I miss Mickey, but uh... This new guy's nice."

- Ian and Mandy, S6E9

These near constant comparisons to Mickey are frustrating to fans, because it can often feel like Ian, or even just the writers and the narrative, are trying to belittle Mickey's character and reduce him to a one-note toxic ex, which completely spits in the face of the development that he went through. THAT is what is most frustrating to fans.

Because it's true that Mickey was not always the best partner. In real life, Mickey would be a walking red flag, and Gallavich would be undeniably toxic. But that applies to EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in Shameless. That is the entire point of the show. None of them are particularly good people. They all do shitty things, but they all have compelling reasons for doing it. That's why we can look at these characters and feel connected to them instead of just absolutely hating them.

It's a really odd writing choice for a show that focuses on morally gray characters, or the idea that nobody in the show is really a good person, to decide to play moral high ground in this particular instance, and have Ian suddenly turn his nose up at Mickey's behaviors.

But is this really how Ian feels?

Because, as established, Ian is VERY good at playing chameleon. He is good at shaping himself into whatever a partner wants him to be. He mirrors his partners mannerisms, beliefs, and attitudes.

And Caleb, for all that the story wants to make us believe he's better than Mickey, is actually not the best partner either. Not just for cheating on Ian in season seven and then gaslighting Ian about it; he shows some toxic behaviors in season six as well, including being lowkey judgmental about Ian's Southside roots.

Take, for example, Caleb implying that the Southside is trash, but that he can see the beauty in Ian despite being from the Southside:

"That's my latest. I love to find the treasure inside the trash. Trying to find the secret life in things. What it wants to be instead of what it is."

"Is that what you're doing with me?"

"Good question. Can I kiss you?"

- Ian and Caleb, S6E6

(Which, funnily enough, this line from Caleb goes pretty against the sentiment that Monica had in season five, of Ian finding somebody who loves Ian for who he already is, as Mickey did.)

Or, for another example, Caleb judging Ian pretty heavily during the softball game for being "not grown-up." Simply because Ian expresses sexual interest in him above romantic.

"Cmon, let's get out of here."

"No. I knew you were younger than me, but I thought you were a grown-up."

- Ian and Caleb, S6E5.

Which, as I pointed out before, is really strange behavior. Participating in hookup culture isn't something that Ian needs to be shamed over. There's a sentiment of "Hooking up is beneath me, it's immature," to Caleb's tone, which is unfair. Now, he has reasons for this, that being his experience with getting HIV from a hookup who lied to him, which draws a pretty interesting parallel to Ian.

"Don't worry, guy I did the scene with said he was clean."

"He didn't use a rubber? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

- Ian and Mickey, S5E5.

Vs.

"Guy in college. He lied to me."

- Caleb to Ian, S6E8.

(Which I actually find to be a very interesting plot point and is actually a pretty good scene.)

So, while Caleb was not wrong to put forth a boundary by not hooking up, he was wrong for acting as if IAN was the problem in the situation. Not to mention, his behavior at the game is very strange when taken into account how little they've interacted thus far. He had understandable reasons for his negative reaction, but he went about it the wrong way. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Anyways, I could talk about the relationship between Ian and Caleb more, but that's not what the point of this is.

The point I'm trying to make is that Caleb, however covertly, expresses a negative or biased view toward the Southside lifestyle. And Ian, being the type to mimic his partners, follows along in that.

Ian already fears that he is going to be left. He is afraid that showing Caleb who he really is and not being the idealized version of himself will lead to Caleb breaking up with him.

"I'm enjoying it while it lasts."

"You think he'll dump you?"

"Well, I've told him I'm bipolar, and my family's screwed up, and he took it pretty well. But it's one thing to hear it and another to live it, so... We shall see."

- Ian and Mandy, S6E9

So, he chameleons. He makes himself the treasure in the trash. He distances himself from the image of a brooding, Southside street rat.

Because, after so long of constant pain and numbness during and post his diagnosis, Caleb is the first good thing he's found.

"I haven't been this happy in a long time."

- Ian to Caleb, S6E8.

And really, everything that I just talked about doesn't matter when you think about it that way.

No matter how dedicated or invested Ian was in his relationship with Caleb, it still provided him with companionship and validation, which as we know, is something that Ian has an unhealthy dependence on to find self-worth.

And I don't think Ian was wrong in searching for that connection simply because that connection wasn't with Mickey. He could've been well and truly in love with Caleb, and he wouldn't deserve some of the hate he receives for his canon actions.

It's easy to look at Ian's relationship with Caleb and get frustrated because of all the time that was put into Ian and Mickey's relationship. But beyond the instinctual negative feeling that comes with seeing Ian with anybody other than Mickey, his relationships outside of Mickey deserve to be analyzed and observed for what they actually do for HIS character, and not just immediately cast aside as unnecessary or ooc.

So, to summarize:

Firstly, Ian wasn't selfish for not waiting 15 years for somebody in prison. Whether he was serious about Caleb or not, Ian was under no obligation to dedicate himself to Mickey. Ian did not owe Mickey anything simply because Mickey was there for Ian when shit got tough. If they had been together, sure, Ian would've been a lot shittier for leaving Mickey alone. But as it was, they were broken up, and even if they hadn't been, Ian would've had every right to not want to continue seeing Mickey after his decision to harm Sammi, just as Lip was justified in not wanting to be with Mandy anymore after she ran over Karen.

Secondly, Ian dating Caleb wasn't bad for his character. In fact, I think their relationship in season six was actually a very interesting way to progress Ian's character and get more insight into his mind and how he operates.

Thirdly, Ian and Caleb's relationship deserves to be analyzed for what it is, rather than what it isn't. Just because Ian is not with Mickey doesn't mean that he doesn't undergo some huge development in this season, both in and outside his relationship with Caleb. Furthermore, Ian entering a new relationship gives us the opportunity to see more sides of his character, and as such the relationship should be analyzed as it's own separate entity, and not just as a hurdle in the way of Gallavich.

Fourth, Ian was not just waiting to cast Mickey aside to jump on the next dick possible. I've seen this criticism before, and when looking at his actual arc at the beginning of S6 and analyzing his general character, that's just simply not true. Entering a new relationship is not equal to immediately disregarding Mickey.

TL;DR: The hate Ian gets from this season mainly stems from "Ian date somebody aside from Mickey, bad Ian" without any further thought behind why he enters the relationship and what the relationship actually means to him. There is no separation in the minds of fans between Ian and Mickey, and therefore, Ian having experiences and an identity outside of Mickey is negatively perceived.

Season Seven: Putting His Own Wellbeing First

This one will be less long winded than the previous one, because I have less to say on it, honestly.

During the entirety of Ian's bipolar arc, it is pretty clearly shown that to maintain mental wellness, Ian needs stability.

When Mickey shows up and asks Ian to run away with him to Mexico, that's threatening to uproot every amount of stability Ian has managed to secure the past two seasons of the show.

I honestly don't see as much hate directed toward Ian for his decision to leave Mickey at the border as I see for his previous decisions. I'd say the main thing I actually see directed toward this season is just that Ian's story is boring without Mickey in it. Mostly because he enters another new relationship with Trevor after his relationship with Caleb, which really just follows the cyclical Shameless cycle of, "Don't know what to do with a character? Give them a new love interest!" But because I talked about the judgement for non-Gallavich Ian relationships above, I don't particularly feel like doing a deep dive into the Ian and Trevor relationship in this meta.

What I want to talk about relates to the Mickey Mexico storyline, though, and that's the hate other characters recieve for trying to dissuade Ian from going.

After finding out that Mickey escaped from prison, Fiona and Ian have the following conversation:

"What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. You ever, uh, think about about what would've happened if you'd run off with Jimmy-Steve?"

"Lying sociopath Jimmy-Steve? My life would be a nonstop psycho-thriller. I definitely dodged a bullet with that one."

"What if nothing ever gives you that same thrill again? Still feel like you dodged a bullet?"

"I don't know. Probably. Where's this coming from?"

"Things have been weird between me and Trevor since Mickey got out."

"You mean since Mickey busted out of prison and has got half the Chicago Police Department circling the Southside looking for him."

"Can't get him out of my head. Just trying to stop myself from doing something I shouldn't."

"You turned your life around. Mickey would set a match to it. You've done really great without him, and I'm really fucking proud of you."

- Ian and Fiona, S7E10.

I've seen this conversation criticized many times because of how "unfairly" Mickey is treated in this scene. But I truly think that nothing said in this scene was wrong, and Fiona was 100% right.

In the past, Fiona has definitely shown a prejudice against the Milkovich family before. Specifically with Mandy, Fiona seems to look down upon her and disapproves of the relationship between her and Lip. This on its own is unfair treatment and is annoying to witness.

But in this particular case, absolutely nothing she is saying is wrong or biased simply because Mickey is a Milkovich.

People take the line, "Mickey would set a match to it," and compare it to his behavior in late Season 4 through season 5, where Mickey is taking care of Ian, and say that Fiona is being untruthful or hypocritical. If Mickey had never been sent to prison, or even if he had just been released legally, and Ian was simply thinking about cheating on Trevor and getting back with Mickey instead of running away with him, then the criticism toward Fiona would be more justified. But as it is, Mickey is a wanted fugitive, and Ian running away with him would make Ian a fugitive as well, and WOULD effectively set a match to the life Ian had spent the past two seasons working toward. He would be giving up a career he worked hard for and fought to have, he'd be living in stressful conditions on the run, he'd have no support system, and he would have less ease of access to his medication. Running with Mickey would have been the wrong decision for Ian's wellbeing, and honestly, Mickey should never have asked Ian to go with him.

I think that many people have rose colored glasses on when it comes to Gallavich, specifically with Mickey, and that makes it harder to view these moments unbiased. But, looking at it objectively, Mickey was so wrong for asking Ian to come with him to Mexico. He KNOWS that Ian needs stability with his bipolar diagnosis, and he KNOWS that this would be a stressful life he'd be forcing Ian into.

Simply put, he's acting selfishly in that moment. Having your own interests in mind is not always a bad thing, but in this specific case, Mickey would have thrown a huge wrench into Ian's life is Ian hadn't made decisions in HIS best interest.

Again, I have less to say on this as I did other subjects, because to me it feels much more cut and dry. Mickey was in the wrong here 100%, Fiona was not being wrongfully judgmental toward Mickey, and Ian was not in the wrong for not going with Mickey.

After so long of seeing them apart, it makes sense to want to see them together again. So when Ian, again, is the one making the decision to end their relationship, fans are going to lash out at him and those around him.

But it's important to put aside biases and allow your favorite character to be in the wrong occasionally. Mickey is not perfect, and criticism against him, both from characters in the show and fans, is not unfounded nor unjustified.

TL;DR: Mickey was wrong for asking Ian to uproot his life and run to Mexico, and calling that out isn't defamation of his character.

To End This Yap Session:

Ian is by no means a faultless character, and he is not exempt from criticism both inside and outside of his relationship with Mickey. However, I often feel that the criticism he faces is for the wrong reasons, and not much contemplation or exploration is done on him as much as it is for Mickey.

I love Mickey. He's an amazingly complex character, and his relationship with Ian is one of my favorite parts of the show. But in being a complex character, he is also an imperfect character.

I feel that many fans get very protective over their favorite characters, to the point that anything that goes against that character's interests is labeled as bad, and any criticism toward his character is disregarded immediately.

In this particular case of Gallavich, I feel that post season three, fans often see things from Mickey's point of view without looking at Ian's as much. This meta was simply to give my own thoughts on Ian's most "controversial" moments among fans. Obviously this is mostly condensed to season six and his relationship with Caleb, which I feel is the biggest example of jumping to conclusions and only seeing the surface level of his character.

However, I would like to acknowledge that Ian is also an insanely popular character in the Shameless fandom. While he is misunderstood in many instances, he is given much more sympathy and understanding than many other characters in the show, especially many of the female characters. This long-winded meta is only focused on the concerning tendency for fans to link Ian's identity to Mickey entirely without allowing him to be an individual, but a majority of the time he is still a beloved character who is treated favorably by fans. Compared to a character like Debbie, Ian sees much more support, and I feel that the energy I put toward this meta and trying to understand Ian should also be applied to (almost) EVERY character in the show.

Anyways feel free to leave thoughts.

[thegreatyin]

this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail

sorry got in character for a second

Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though

congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)

[dusty-pistol]

I dont think Ive heard you talk about Cogsworth and fallout flavored Deerbot and random curiosity is random

With absolutely zero ultieror motives :)

CODSWORTH MENTIONED!! MY ROBOT HUSBAND MENTIONED YIPPEE!!! Teeheee I'm sooo normal about him... thank you for the random chance to talk about him =]

I know I don't talk about him all too much, but I'm literally typin this while huggin my Codsworth plush (originally Snip-Snip from the Fallout TV show, but I've projected Codsworth onto this specific plush cuz theres no official plush of him. It's Codsworth. I'm gettin him a lil bowler hat and everythin nobody can stop me. He WILL be dapper.) And everyone who knows me KNOWS I hug him every night. He's very cared for and loved

Aahhh I love him so muchhh... I know I don't talk about him nearly as much as I talk about Cal, but trust I love them both equally!! When I have free time, I hop on Fallout 4 and just hang out with Codsworth cuz it's like I'm actually spendin time with him! Buildin up Sanctuary, helpin settlers, random weapon and armor upgrades, everythin I do with him by my side! I know it sounds silly, but oftentimes, I just talk to him while we adventure. I'll talk about my day and ideas and just casual conversation.

I love the way he looks at my avatar even when he's not facin me, too. I mean, cmon, just look at this! Is that not cute?? Even while facin away, he's still lookin at me. We're literally in love, your honor. (Literally in game, I gave him the matchin weddin ring to mine, and he always has it in his inventory. We're MARRIED BRO!!! We're canon to official Fallout lore trust)

I need to draw us more uuhghgggggggggffffvvv

[murderedbythoughts]

the way both of my parents walked in on me cooking and said my music sounded like something from Broadway (ive had the death note musical soundtrack on repeat)

[charpim]

finished trigun 98. feeling quite normal and rational about it! (LYING)

[tyxoxo]

I mean...would you eat jeno's ass? 🤨

yes…

[ilovechuuy4]

Hey! Idrk if ur active but I would like to request sub!Kunikida x m!reader smut :)

I have not been able to find smut BSD writers that will do m!reader and I'm desperate lol-

And when I'm taking your innocence I'll be corrupting your mind.

Sub!Kunikida x m!reader

warnings; sub!kuni, m!reader, !AMAB, s3xual intercourse, intense descriptions of the male sex, mlm intercourse, rimjob, n1ppleplay, pure smut small hints of angst, possibly OOC, aftercare wasn't wrote but was indeed given, unprotected intercourse, Cumming inside, etc etc.

A/N: Im so so so so sorry this was so delayed, nothing haz been going my way man Ive been feeling so sick lately and no motivation but I hope you enjoy😣(I'LL REQUEST SOME MLM BSD WRITERS AT THE END!! ) p.s e/c = eyecolor

"Can I top you?" The question ran through Kunikida's mind ever since his boyfriend asked. You had been talking with some friend recently about how uptight Kunikida was and maybe if he wasn't so focused on his ideals he'd be less tense. So of course, that's what led you to asking the question. But that's also what led him to be under you right now in the bed y'all shared together. Your hands slidding up and under the other man's shirt cause him to let out a soft gasp.

This was all so new to him he didn't really know how to react this wasn't "apart of his ideals" he wasn't supposed to be with another of the same gender. He'd always imagine himself with a beautiful woman and yet, here he stares up at a handsome man. One that he'd knew he'd marry one day. "Are you sure.? You know, about this?" Kunikida asked in a hushed tone which made you pause everything you were doing before looking at him, your deep e/c eyes looking lovingly into his moss green ones.

"Of course I am, Kuni. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't sure. Just relax and I'll do all the work, okay?" You reassured, hand gently cupping the blonde man's face your thumb rubbing his cheek. "Alright, I believe you." Kunikida hummed before he leaned in, kissing the man that sit on top of him. The kiss was slow and gentle, you smiled into it kissing him back. Your hands trailed down, fingers unbuttoning the tight pants that cover the other's pale legs. This was the first time that the ideal striken man ever went against those ideals that literally dictatated his life so you could completely understand why he was so nervous.

You slowly slip off his pants, pushing them down all the way until they were throw into a small pile on the hardwood flooring of the bedroom. You then allow a finger to hook under the waistband of Kunikida's boxers slowly pulling them down before his smooth cock springs to life leaving the man to gasp softly as the cold air touching his now exposed lower half. He looks at you from were he lay on the bed, his face painted with lust. "Are you alright?" You ask, you yourself wanted to continue but you wanted to make sure the other party wanted to as well.

"I'm sure, I'm just you know. Nervous." He said under his breath. You nod softly, grabbing the hem of your shirt before slipping it over your head. It was regarded before going down, taking one of the blonde's nipples into your mouth nipping at it slightly with your teeth before sucking on it. Soft whimpers were coming from deep within Kunikida's throat. Noises he wasn't sure how he made but here he was, squirming under your pleasurable acts of love.

"Be.. mhm~ be careful." Whined Kunikida, his breath coming in soft labored pants as you pull away. You swiftly pull off your shorts leaving you in only your boxers now. "Would if be fine if I were to..give you a rim job? I don't want you to be uncomfortable with anything I do." You asked, you wanted to make sure he wanted to do this. It was about his pleasure and comfort too. The room had fallen silent for a moment as you looked at your love, his face riddled with embarrassment yet he nodded. His entire trust in you was now as he slowly turned over and lay on his stomach.

A sly smirk played on your face, you lived how much trust he put into your though you've only did this once or twice in past relationships. You reach over, grabbing a pillow before slipping it right under his hips before diving down. Your hand gently squeezing one of the others asscheeks before spreading it. Dipping in your tongue pressed softly against his entrance, tasting him. You watch as he squirmed, back dipping into the mattress. You reach up, allowing your hand to trail along his pale skin that his spin pokes out of. Fingers slowly rubbing along his spine.

You allow yourself to lap at his hole, feeling as your lover slowly relaxed and let the pleasure take control. Moans from the opposing side filled the room as ever so slowly, you slipped your tongue inside him causing him to gasp, his back arching. "Wait, hold on a minute.." He gasped out, his legs trembling he wasn't sure how to react to this it was an odd feeling of tightness in him. You allowed yourself to wait for a moment before slowly pumping your tongue in and out of him before you slowly press a finger in as well, stretching him slowly.

"Relax for me, kuni. It feels weird but relax, your really tight." You said, pulling your tongue away allowing your finger to pump in and out of him slowly before adding another digit. "Fuck.." Kunikida cursed before speaking once more. "My mind is like a blur. Like you just scrambled my very last thought." He groaned, the two digits inside him still thrusting, stretching him open for you. "We don't have any condoms." You abruptly say which caused the blonde to choke on his spit before swallowing it down. "It's.. That's fine." He hummed with a nod soft whimpers escaping his mouth.

You couldn't help but worry for him, what if when yoy do penetrate he hurts. Well of course it will hurt, it's his first time but, you're just scared. You shake your head, swallowing down the uneasiness before withdrawing your fingers. You help kunikida turn over and you couldn't help but smile at his beet red face. You plaster feather light kisses all up his neck and to his jaw line before kissing him slowly. You felt the heaviness over the others arms wrapped around your shoulders as your tongue slips inside his mouth, exploring his sweetness.

You take this time to lube your member up and apply some to Kunikida's hole. You slowly position your cock to his entrance before rolling your hips slowly. Your tip pushes past the tight ring of muscle cause the other to moan into your mouth. Your free hand, which wasn't gripping the blonde's hips was softly wrapped around his cock, pumping it slowly so he didn't pay much mind to the slight pain of you entering him. Finally, you were have way in before the pain was gone as Kunikida was moaning, his back arched like a cat.

You can't handle it anymore, soft grunts escaping your throat before you swiftly push all the way in with a deep groan. You could feel how he tightly he squeezed around your cock which made you want to take him roughly. But you knew you shouldn't. You keep your pace steady, slowly thrusting in and out. Kunikida's moans were surprisingly loud as they filled the room. His short nails digging into your shoulders as your pace picked up. Your eyes widen a bit as you heard the other gasp, you thought you hurt him which made you stop.

"Are you okay?" You said, gently cupping your lover's face. He was panting heavily, his cock leaking pre before he spoke, his voice trembling. "It was just that spot you hit..it felt like no other." Kunikida mutters to him, his face red with embarrassment. You laugh softly before you press a kiss to his forehead, slowly rolling your hips back into motion as you pump your cock in and out of him. "Your prostate. That's what it was." You said reassuringly, letting him know it was totally normal.

You increase the pace, the tip of your member constantly hitting his prostate, causing his eyes to roll back in ecstasy. His loud moans echo off the wall, they were truely music to your ears. Kunikida's thoughts were jumbled and clouded he could only souly focus on how amazing this felt and how he'd never thought of reversing the rules like this with you. "Ahh~ fuck.. Wait!~ honey, keep hitting right there..~" He groaned, his eyes closing shut as he felt his orgasm build inside of him and bubble up.

"You're close, aren't you?" You asked, thrusting deeply inside him, hitting all the right places. You watch as he moans, his being trembling under yours. Pre was oozing from the tip of his cock as he whined and whimperer uncontrollably. He felt it all building up at once before he came,his eyes shut tightly as he rode out his orgasm. The way he tightened around you made you spill. Your seed shooting deep within his core.

You collapse onto him, panting heavily. "God, I love you. So so much." You say to him, pulling him on top of you when you turn on your back. You held him close, not wanting to leave him for a while. "I love you too. I adore you actually." He said, head rested on your chest. "Though, I could say you took more than my will to think. You took my ideals." He said softly, he was spent. His sentence made your heart swell up. You knew how much his ideals were to him and it was amazing how he'd give it up just for you.

A/N; Recommended BSD MLM writers; @melonn-soda @prettyrainsstuff @zzprompto @sleep-0-deprived @queer-n-here @kissatoru @kisakis-boyfriend @hunn1e-bunn1e @nishikiace

[caitlinclarkluver22]

~Tell Ur Girlfriend ~ C.C ( nsfw mdi)

warnings: light smut, a little bit angst, master baiting , cussing, anger love confession, w/w, consent was given throughout this fic btw, idk i think that’s it

pov: caitlin clark is with her boyfriend, but she just can’t get you off her mind

“ should i tell my boyfriend what ive been doing? been thinking of you. everytime i screw him.”

( btw this is my first ever one shot or wtvv sooo yeaaa 😭 also i js love this song with all of my heart I WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF IT!! i also don’t really know the word count…so please tell me how to do that im kinda dumb, and also don’t mind the switching in point of views, this was kinda a mess!💕)

also blue means flashback, pink are lyrics from the song!

“ fuck caitlin…yea you like that don’t you?”

Caitlin, in fact, did not like that. Her boyfriend had had a difficult and stress filled game tonight, and he needed something to help relieve his anger a bit. Caitlin, being his girlfriend, offered to help.

As caitlin stared longingly at the clock propped up on the bed side table, she awaited for when this was going to end.

“ oh yes- mm such a good girl for me hm?”

Ew. Caitlin didn’t like being called that…unless it was by someone else….no she can’t be thinking of her, that was long ago….right?

“ should i tell my boyfriend what i been doing? been thinking of you, every-time i screw him.”

Her boyfriend, after finishing, was now fast asleep and snoring in bed beside her. But caitlin couldn’t sleep, she could only think of you. She remembered the intimate moment as if it was yesterday….

…the team was having a sleepover, all the girls from the basketball team were there. They all were watching a movie, the fragrance of melted butter popcorn in the air, and the laughter that could be heard even if miles away taking over the atmosphere . You and caitlin had been best friends since high-school, you guys were inseparable.

Although you guys were best friends, everyone knew that you had a severe, but secret, crush on caitlin. and caitlin reciprocated those feelings too.

it was so bad, that even some of the fans had theories about the two of them, wether it’d be that they were secretly dating or even that they were just hooking up. therefore, when caitlin revealed her 3 month secret relationship with her boyfriend…the fans weren’t the only ones who were disappointed.

at the sleepover, everyone had fallen asleep, except for caitlin.

and you of course.

as you attempted to fall asleep, you felt a gentle tap on your back. you turn around to see caitlin with a small mischievous grin plastered on her face.

“ hey, you awake? psst…psst…hey wake up..” , caitlin whispers to you.

“ caitlin im not even asleep, i physically cant. and..what do you want?” , you say slightly irritable since you were so close to dozing off.

“ i don’t know..i just can’t fall asleep. can you?”

“ well not anymore thanks to you” you silently grumbled, sitting up criss crossing your legs.

you and caitlin had chosen the second couch, it was slightly small but they fit just fine. the other girls were on the seats they had chosen while in pairs , sound asleep.

caitlin was already in a sitting position, her legs criss crossed like yours.

“ so why’d you wake me up…?”

“ um just wanted to um-…..okay fine you got me. i don’t know im just bored out of my mind. plus isn’t this a sleepover..? like why is everyone asleep so early?” caitlin rambled .

you couldn’t help but chuckle at this, caitlin always rambled to you about nonsense. i mean of course she did, overall she was your best friend.

but when she rambled, it could also mean that she’s nervous…stressed even.

“ don’t worry cait, it’s okay i’ll stay up a little longer to talk to you if you want “ , you laugh.

caitlin did the cutest grin ever , her deep dimples showing immediately.

“ omg okay thank you so much- i just…idk needed someone to talk to.” she said, her smile fading out into a tiny but noticeable frown.

you sat there, worried.

“ hey you okay cait..?”

“ yea im fine..its just..” , she muttered while looking at her phone, her eyes slightly watering. she turned the phone and showed you what she was stressed about.

on the phone, it was on iMessage , she was texting her boyfriend. he was basically mad at her for “ not telling him” that she was going to the sleepover since he “ needed” her because of his incredible loss. he then proceeded to break up with her, definitely impulsively making decisions due to his anger.

as she continued reading the series of messages, she got more shocked with each message sent. her eyes scanning the screen, getting more angry yet sympathetic the more she read.

“ why would he say that? are you okay?”

are you okay?

those were the three words that made caitlin break. the guard she put up finally shattered as she started uncontrollably sobbing, hugging her best friend tightly.

“ i don’t know, i didn’t do anything wrong. what’s wrong with me…what did i do?” , caitlin sobbed incoherently, tears spilling from her beautiful brown eyes.

all her best friend could do was rub on her back slowly, comforting the athlete.

“ shhh…it’s okay caitlin. i’m here okay? i’m here.”

as those words left your lips, caitlin looked up at the girl, her eyes swollen and glossy.

“ maybe i just need to pay more attention to him, or maybe i just need to dress prettier or-“, she cried, her head hung in her hands now, slightly tugging on her hair due to the amount of stress placed on her.

“ no caitlin. look at me.”

caitlin brought her gaze from her hands to her friends face, gosh she was beautiful.

“ your the best girlfriend he could ask for, if he doesn’t want you to hang out with your friends, then honestly fuck him. he doesn’t deserve you and you deserve better. and i know that might be mean or harsh to say, but it’s true and someone has to finally say it. he’s always controlling your every move and everyone sees it. you don’t look happy anymore. if anything u look drained all the time. i don’t want to see you like that anymore baby. i love you too much to see you suffer like this.”

baby. ugh the pet name she loved to be called by you.

wait. did you say you…loved her? she stared at you, the question threatening to spill from her lips.

“ you love me?”

“ ugh of course i do caitlin! how could you be so blind? i’ve loved you ever since we first met in freshman year. ever since we saw eachother at basketball tryouts. i’ve loved you for so long, and you just keep letting this asshole break your heart over and over again. and i just have to comfort you and myself with the reality of everything. you know how much that hurts? having to live with the realization that you will most likely never love me back? and to think that-“, you were cut off by lips being pressed to hers.

caitlin pressed her lips against yours, hungrily grabbing your hair and pulling you closer, her hot breath mixed with yours.

you kissed back, grabbing onto her lovely hips, pushing her back against the arm of the couch. you straddled her, both of your hands on her face.

with one hand, you slightly pulled on her hair, causing her head to go back, revealing her neck to you. you kissed on her neck, searching for not only the sweet spot , but for the noises you dreamt that she’d make for you.

caitlin then moaned softly as you found the spot that made both you and her weak. after you heard the noise caitlin made, you made sure to concentrate on that one spot, sucking and biting on the place that mattered.

this action had caitlin a mess, her moans and whimpers slowly getting louder by the minute, both of their cores getting hotter and needier for eachother with every kiss they shared.

“ fuck i-i need you…”, caitlin whimpered, her hands grabbing onto your hair, pushing you closer to her exposed neck that was now full of purple hickeys.

“ shh don’t wanna be to loud…hm? be a good girl and stay quiet..”

…..as caitlin remembers the intimate moment, she didn’t take the time to notice her long fingers down her pajama pants, under her panties, slowly rubbing circles onto her now aching clit.

fuck she was close.

as she continued masterbating, she stuck three fingers in herself, moaning at the pleasure. she couldn’t help it. she moaned more at the combination she was feeling, the pleasure of three fingers up her core, while circling her clit at the same time.

as she was caught up in the moment, she moaned your name, a little louder than expected. she didn’t mean to.

as she finally finished on her slender fingers, she opened her eyes, only to see her boyfriend fast asleep and snoring.

it wasn’t until then that she realized how much she really wanted you. no….needed you. all she could do was sigh, lay down, close her eyes and dream about you, her dreams being the only place where her fantasies came true.

“ and if you want me, you gotta put the word in. go tell ur girlfriend, that im ur girlfriend.”

it was now the morning, she woke up with a little stretch looking beside her. right next to her was an empty spot that her boyfriend should’ve been in. then again, he always did this. after sex there was no aftercare or quality time spent together. it was just..well…sex.

she sighed with her head in her hands.

what has she got herself into?

“ cuz i don’t wanna live a lie, lie, lie.”

damn did she miss you. she missed the feeling of you against her neck, your kisses and ur sloppy hickeys. she missed the smell of that damn cherry chapstick, and she missed the sound of your moans that made her go insane.

she had to go see you.

there caitlin was, knocking at your dorm door, room 422, just like she had remembered.

“ coming!”

‘yea you will be coming very soon’, she thought.

you opened the door to see caitlin, she was dressed in a white nike jacket, black shirt under, and matching joggers that replicated the jacket, her hair was pin straight.

“ hey cait, what’s u-“, you got cut off when caitlin pushed her back into the dorm, pinning you against the front door, hands holding your wrists down, definitely going to be bruised later, as caitlin hungrily kissed you.

you moaned at the sudden action, moaning into caitlin’s mouth, only driving her to continue.

“ ugh i’ve missed you…” , caitlin grunted, as she moved her lips against yours, you kissing back even harder than she was.

“ caitlin…ugh…mm…caitilin what about y-your boyfriend..?”

“ ugh i can’t anymore with him, been thinking of you everytime i screw him, i swear.”

“ but what if he finds out? what if he catches us then-“

“ what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“ we were just friends, but then came in cupid. the tension was buildin, we had to pursuit it.”

caitlin was now on top of you, fingers circling your clit. both of you were partly unclothed, the only clothing intact being your panties.

“ fuck caitlin i’m almost there, please.”

“ please what?” , caitlin asked almost teasingly.

“ please just fuck-“, she was saying as there was a knock on the door, a shout coming right after.

“ caitlin! i know your here, your location says so!”

you and caitlin could recognize that voice from anywhere.

it was caitlin’s boyfriend.

well fuck.

“ go tell your girlfriend, that im ur girlfriend”

—————————————————————————————————————

OMGGGG I FINISHED IT!! i had literally the hardest time writing this like i legit forgot about it but then i came to a restaurant for a couple hours and my writers block sorta just vanished and i started writing sm.

IF YOU WANT A PART TWO JUST SAY ITTT!! idk if people willl actually like this, it is my first so please don’t judge too much, i tried my best! anyways i hope you caitlin clark fans enjoyed this! have a good day and remember to watch indiana fever tonight at 6:30!

[crappymixtape]

among the stars • part one

PART I • PART II • PART III • PART IV • PART V • PART VI ❝ summer ended and everyone went back to school or to indianapolis for ‘real’ jobs – steve’s friends practically begged him to come to the city with them at the end of the summer, couch surf in their apartment until he finds work, but he decides to stay until one rainy night in october something happens – someone happens – and it changes the course of his life forever • 18+ | ( 1.3k, strangers to lovers, angst, fluff, smut, extraterrestrials, steve x reader )

B U R N I N G I N T H E D A R K 🎶 oneonta, the album leaf

Rain was coming down in sheets, gathering in the street drains clogged with leaves and filling with water, the yellow quilt-striped center lines drowned out and leaving the road black. A clap of thunder shook the picture frames on the walls of Steve’s apartment, the glass window panes flexing creakily, pulling him up from his spot on the couch as his lamp flickered.

The worst storm Hawkins had seen in years, and of course it hit on Halloween night, scattering any hopes of trick-or-treating into the howling wind.

Pressing a hand to his window, Steve watched the stand of trees at the property line bend like rubber. “Christ…” he murmured, his breath fogging the glass as his eyes narrowed, struggling to see anything out there in the thick, black night.

Ring, ring, ring!

“Shit–”

Steve jumped at the landline jingling from the kitchen wall, heart hammering against his ribcage as he grabbed it off the base, “Hello?”

“Steve? Why do you sound like you just shit yourself?” Robin’s voice crackled through static from the storm.

“I didn’t just shit myself–”

“Do you see this outside?? It’s insane!”

“Yeah, yeah. I see it.”

“On Halloween too! Do you think it’s a curse or something? A witch coming back from the dead to wipe our sorry asses off the planet for burning her at the stake?”

“Robin.”

“Oh! Or that weird guy that lives in the creepy house over by the park? Maybe he’s been like…haunted by a poltergeist or something and it’s telling him to possess our bodies and–”

“Robin.”

“What?”

“It’s just a storm,” Steve said, trying to sound unbothered and completely unaffected by her farfetched theories, but something in the way the wind howled around the corner of his apartment made his skin crawl.

“O-kayyy,” Robin teased in her sing-songy voice, “But when your door gets busted down by some slimy green swamp thing don’t come crying to me.”

“Swamp thing? Robin, you gotta stop watching–”

CRACK!

Lightning split the sky in two, a perfectly blinding fracture, and made it look like the daylight for a second before plunging everything into dark.

“Ste-eve, are-are you st-still th-ere?” Robin’s voice crackled over the line, cutting out as another flash spidered across the horizon.

“What? Robin, you’re cutting out–”

“Can’t-can’t he-ear yo-ou, Ste-e-ve, Ste–”

BOOM!

Another blinding flash of light lit up the dark like the other two, but this one was different. Just as the phone line cut out, a crash sounded followed by an explosion – a bright, orange, burning glow in the trees out Steve’s window.

“What the hell–”

Shielding his eyes with his arm, he could feel the heat coming from the fire that was catching in the dead leaves on the ground, licking up the bare tree trunks. His eyes slowly adjusted against the harsh contrast and the longer he looked the more he realized it hadn’t been a normal lightning strike.

There, at the end of a deep groove cut into the dirt, was a small aircraft of some kind. The windshield was busted out and just a couple feet away from the fire was a body.

And they were moving.

“Oh, shit. Oh, god. Shit, shit, shit–I’m coming! I’m coming!” Steve yelled into his apartment, scrambling to shove his feet into his beat up Blazers, jacket only half-on as he grabbed a flashlight from the kitchen and barreled down the stairs out into the trees.

“Hey! Can you hear me? Hang on! I’m coming! I’m coming!”

Stumbling over fallen branches and overgrown blackberries, Steve felt the thorns ripping at his jacket, one particularly nasty one smarting across his cheek, but he couldn’t stop, he was almost there. He could see the person struggling to pull themselves up against a tree trunk, trying to get to safety.

The fire was huge now, engulfing the aircraft in angry, white-hot flames, and the heat was overwhelming, suffocating and pressing in on every part of him. If there was any gas left, there’d be another, bigger, explosion, and soon based on when it’d crashed. He had to get whoever it was to safety.

Tripping on a root, Steve caught himself just as he reached the crash site.

“Shit–how’d you make it out of there? There’s hardly anything left of it–Jesus–this is bad, this is really bad–” he rambled, the words spilling from his mouth as he watched the flames, panic surging through him like a livewire.

A whimper of pain pulled his attention back to the survivor and he shook himself into action, this was not the time for overthinking.

Scrambling over to the tree, Steve crouched down next to the stranger, holding his flashlight overhead to get a better look at their wounds, and he nearly dropped it at the sight before him.

Long turquoise hair, like seaglass and the glittering water down at the quarry, skin tinged purple, shimmering and soft like moths wings in the beam of light, and ears that tapered into points at the ends. They were wearing what looked like a space suit of sorts, but it was like nothing he’d ever seen before. Made from fabric darker than ink and covered in tiny grids of light, blinking in reds and yellows, error, caution, alert.

Leaning in closer, Steve gently pushed stray locks of hair aside and suddenly it felt like the fire had made its way under his skin, but softer. Warmer. Glowing. Strange and curious and he couldn’t help reaching out a hand, his fingertips ghosting over cheeks dotted in indigo freckles, tiny constellations he felt an overwhelming urge to discover.

“Who are you…” he whispered, eyes catching the fragile flutter of a heartbeat at their neck, “…where did you come from?”

And the low, warmth of his voice slowly lifted your eyes open.

Someone, a someone not like you, was close.

Too close.

Danger.

Danger.

Your brain told your arm to move, grab the pod from your thigh pocket, but when your shoulder flexed, pain shot through your arm, sharp and stabbing as little pinpoints of light clouded your vision. Someone was screaming, and when the being hovering over you started to panic, you realized it was you.

You were screaming.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa–okay, Jesus, okay. I’m here to help, I’m Steve. Did you break your shoulder? Is it your arm maybe? Can you move your fingers? Shit–what would Nancy do? Dammit–”

A loud pop! sounded from the pile of wreckage and you both flinched, as this ‘Steve’ shielded you from the angry embers with his body.

“We gotta get out of here, can you walk?” Steve asked, but another crack! from the flames pushed him to stop asking questions and just move. “I’m so sorry, you can hit me for this later,” he apologized, shoving the light from his hand into his pocket and scooping you up into his arms, holding you tight to his chest.

Another earsplitting scream cut the air in two as your whole body cried out in pain and the last thing you heard before losing consciousness was Steve.

I’m so sorry. It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna get help. It’ll be okay. I promise. I promise.

[ NOTE: THIS IS PART ONE OF A ??? PART SERIES – MORE TO COME SOON ]

crappymixtape™ • steve harrington masterlist // stranger things masterlist♥️ reblogs and comments keep me going, friends! ily! ♥️

[zombiigrll]

LONELY ⋆｡°✩ carl grimes x reader .ᐟ WORD COUNT .ᐟ ⭑ 1061 ꩜ .ᐟ WARNINGS ⭑ angst to fluff, swearing, depressed/traumatized reader, reader is glenn and maggies adoptive child, intended lowercase, the walking dead 7x1 spoilers, death mentions, lack of eating, suicidal thoughts, use of y/n .ᐟ A/N .ᐟ ⭑ hi! this is my first time writing and posting anything on tumblr so im sorry if its not the best </3 ive never really done oneshots before either so i dont really know what im doing LMAO hope you still enjoy!

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── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────────────────────────────────────

it was supposed to be an easy run. get maggie to the hilltop and get her help, that's all it was supposed to be. but, of course, nothing could ever be that easy. not for you. the last thing you expected to see, however, was your father-figure getting his skull beaten in, and almost having to witness your boyfriend getting his arm chopped off. you were distressed. you couldn't function properly. you had already lost your family once before at the beginning of the outbreak, and all of those same feelings came back after losing glenn. he had been there for you since the start, saving you from dying with your family. and now he was gone and there was nothing you could do.

you had fallen into a deep depression, similar to the one you had before. you locked yourself in your room, not eating, not drinking, occasionally getting up to use the restroom, but other than that, you were bedridden. you hadn't even changed your clothes from that night. the clothes that were stained in glenns blood. hell, even his blood remained dried across your face. you felt as lonely as ever, but at the same time, you knew you weren't. because every single day you heard knocks at your door. it was carl.

"y/n, please. just open the door. i can help you." he desperately spoke from the other side of the door.

you felt like shit for making him continue to come to your door everyday just for you to stubbornly remain in your room, but it felt like nothing mattered anyways. eventually, he'd give up, right? that's what you thought. "go away." you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. "just open the door. please." he begged again. he understood your struggles. he was aware of why you were acting this way, and he couldn't blame you. he knew how it felt to lose family members and people close to him. unfortunately enough for him, you stayed where you were, not opening the door for him yet again. but after almost a week had passed, he began getting more worried. he begged at your door for you to open it, he tried opening it himself but you had locked the door, blocking it as well so no one could enter. you didn't care. you were isolating yourself, barely sleeping. the only times you slept were when you cried so hard you fell asleep. you felt miserable. you were giving up on everything, hoping one day it'd all just end and you wouldn't have to worry anymore. you wouldn't have to worry about anyone else dying, because you'd be with them. no more funerals, no more fighting for your life... you laid awake on your bed, tears silently falling from your eyes as you stared blankly at your ceiling, those terrible thoughts swirling through your brain. but this night was different. you had opened your window, which carl took as the perfect opportunity. he was tired of not being able to help you due to your stubbornness, so he decided to crawl through your window. *thump!*

you quickly jolted up at the sound, staring at carl who was slowly sitting back up after not-so-gracefully falling into your room. he grabbed his hat and placed it back on top of his head before looking over at you. you stared at him with tears glazing over your eyes, your face scrunching up as you brought a hand to your mouth. "i..." you were speechless. your emotions got the better of you and you began sobbing. he quickly walked over to you, cupping your face with his hands as he looked down at you sympathetically. "don't cry..." he softly spoke, but his eyes quickly noticed the dried blood that was still on your face. "y/n..." "i-i'm s.. sorry." you sobbed, averting your eyes as you crossed your arms around your waist. he shook his head as he softly acknowledged your beat-up appearance, moving your arms from covering your waist as he pulled you in for a big hug. "don't be sorry."

you quickly returned the hug, squeezing him tightly as you sobbed into his chest. he broke from the hug, looking back down at you and your bloodstained clothes. "let's go get you cleaned up, yeah?"

you silently nodded. he helped you stand up and you almost fell over, but he quickly caught you. "...let's get you something to eat, too." ... the two of your were now in the bathroom. he helped you sit down on the seat of the toilet before grabbing a rag, getting it wet before walking back over to you. "this is gonna be really cold." he smiled warmly, slowly bringing the rag up to your face and wiping the blood off. you flinched slightly at the touch. as he's cleaning your face, his face turns a bit perplexed. "why... why didn't you open the door?"

you avert your eyes to the ground as you begin messing with your hands. "i just wanted to be alone, i don't know." carl looks at you with a bit of a somber gaze before continuing to clean you up. "i'm sorry for breaking in. i was worried about you. just... please, don't do that again. if you ever need help, i'm here. you know that, right?" "i know..." you looked up at him. "i didn't want you to see me like this. i..." you began tearing up again as you spoke. he quickly sets the rag down and puts both his hands on your cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears. "i know, i know. it's okay." shortly after, he pulled you in for a quick kiss, his hands remaining on your face as he pulled away. he uses one of his hands to wipe away the stray strands of hair over your face, tucking them behind your ear. "you're so pretty. you know that, right?" he smiled warmly. "i love you." you laughed with a smile, a tear rolling down your cheek. "i love you, too." "let's go get you some new clothes, okay? and some food. i'll make you whatever you want." carl asks, grabbing both your hands. you nod, standing up in sync with him as you followed him back to the room. god, you were so lucky to have him. ─────────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────────────────

[coffeecat1983]

Stobotnik mini fic AU. "Brown eyes, Broken Heart."

Warning: Fic contains a brief moment of body mutilation that isn't very graphic, but could be distressing.

An assassination attempt. Something that wasn't unusual for the scientist to have to deal with. They were simple fools, these mindless peons of tech companies and foreign powers that wanted his secrets for their very own. Stone had taken over the job of dealing with them with, Robotnik noted, an aura of joy at the thought of defending the life of his dear doctor. Robotnik had to admit hearing the scuffles, the eventual firing of Stone's weapon, the silence afterwards, it was thrilling and gave him a rush unlike any other.

Except today.

He had been elbows deep in the chassis of his new prototype. A bang from the attached break room, a crash of glass, the deafening sound of a gun going off, and a pained groan. He waited for Stone to call all clear but the usual cheerful voice never came. "Stone?" Staying out of the potential line of fire, he opened the door to the break room and peered in. There was a body on the floor, the blood from the bullet wound in their head pooling on the floor and soaking into the rugs that had been put down. "Stone!" he called out, striding in. Another groan and something beside the body moved. Stone crawled out from behind the counter with a hand clasped over his eyes. "D-Doc…Doctor…." Robotnik had gotten him onto the couch and pulling away the other man's hand, felt his stomach lurch. The vial of acid the assassin had been carrying had been broken across Stone's face.

Those gentle, brown eyes that Robotnik secretly loved, had burst.

That had been an hour ago. Now Robotnik was ignoring the pounding on the lab door and the yelling of Walters. He had secretly installed a full lockdown mode in the lab, sealing off everything behind thick covers of steel. He could faintly make out Walters yelling 'He needs a hospital, a doctor!' He turned away, his scowl made the nearby Badnik float back in alarm. "I am a doctor." he snarled, checking the flow of the IV tube as it led into Stone's arm. The tabletop was no surgery, but it would do. He turned to the holo-screen and tapped a few things. It was time to test his nano-technology.

Three weeks later… "Your latte, doctor." The saucer clinked softly on the table. The doctor was silent for a moment. "Stone, how are you feeling?" The agent smiled, his hand reaching up to lightly touch at his face. "I'm all right, doctor. The discomfort around the scarring is going down, thanks to your care." "Good. Remember I need to check calibrations before we're done here tonight." "Yes, sir." With that, the agent returned to his desk, his new robotic eyes whirring softly as they 'blinked'. While proud of his work, Robotnik silently mourned the loss of the brown eyes he had fallen for.

END. By "CC"

[thegreatyin]

What, precisely, is fallen London, and how can I play it? Ive been told it's a browser game, will it work on my phones browser or only my computer's?

SWEEPS EVERYTHING OFF MY DESK. SLAMS MY HANDS ON THE COUNTER. you're in luck because advertising this game is apparently my specialty.

fallen london is a free browser game that works on anything with an internet connection!! laptops, phones, tablets, the decade old 3ds you have stashed in the back of your closet- if you can open a web browser, you can run fallen london. the UI obviously differs between desktop and mobile, and desktop has the benefit of extensions that can make your life marginally easier, but that's all a strictly optional affair.

as for the game's actual contents; fallen london is a text-based horror game closely reminiscent of classic "choose your own adventure" books. you play as a new arrival to an alternate history version of victorian london that now flourishes in a deep, dark, marvelous (and more than slightly eldritch!) cavern known as "the neath", with the goal of making your name and ultimately pursuing one of the four possible ambitions that brought you here to begin with. along the way you encounter a wide variety of strange and inexplicable things, including but not limited to;

men with the faces of squid (who are not truly men)

actual real soul-stealing devils (who originate from Actual Real Hell, which is also london's next door neighbor)

snakes that are eternally bound to the realm beyond mirrors (who have an infamous feud with sapient talking cats)

treacheries of time, law, and all that which the gods hold dear (including the ability to bypass death itself)

sirens who are convinced they're dead (in a place where, as stated, death is easily bypassed)

sentient landmasses that get REALLY annoyed if you don't pay your taxes on time (and are also single and ready to mingle)

fabric that is not fabric (which is held in quite high value by certain giant bat monsters)

spiders that eat eyeballs (but are, fortunately, easily distracted by shakespeare)

genres of colors you didn't think possible (in seven fantastical flavors!)

batkissing (not canonically, but in our hearts)

batfucking (this is, somehow, marginally more canon than the above thing)

batmarriage (no.)

batdivorce (in comically large spades)

The Hat Man (who's in love with and yearns to become like a sentient island)

gay people (a lot of them)

trans people (also a lot of them)

doomed love, in all possible forms (as well as those who try and collect it)

this thing (this thing)

and last- but certainly not least-

a pitiful hope that perhaps, just perhaps, all shall one day be well. (even when you know it won't be.)

it's a game with lore as deep as the ocean, and a staggering wordcount (4.5 million!) to boot. it's not perfect, but it's something i've grown to love deeply, and in my experience? if it doesn't click for you, that's understandable. but if it clicks for you, it really does click for you. i recommend it to anyone and everyone who so much as looks its way. who knows! it may just surprise you 🦇☀️🦀🌃

as a further incentive, here are some out-of-context items and excerpts:

as stated, you can play it right now for free at fallen london dot com. there is a subscription and a small bounty of microtransactions on offer if you want to support the development team, but at no point is this ever required, and you will be playing for years before you reach the end of stuff to accomplish. all major content updates are free and available to all players, and FOMO to this day remains virtually non-existent. as once again stated, the browser specs are non-existent. if you can run google, you can run fallen london.

so head on down!! give the neath a try!! follow admiralty orders and dump a bunch of bombs directly into the zee (underground sea) whilst accidentally waking up a giant grieving sea urchin that screams fire and violently pursues your demise!! (that's what we're all doing right now, anyway.)

if the browser game isn't for you, there's also other outlets with which to explore the universe. you can find the spinoff games Sunless Seas, Sunless Skies, and Mask of The Rose available to purchase right now on steam, and there's recently been a very successful kickstarter to adapt the game into a TTRPG. it looks very cool so far. im very very very excited for it :)

in lieu of having to come up with a conclusion for this ask, im instead going to direct you to the MoTR stupendium song (which you'll find linked below). it says far more and advertises far better than i could ever dream of. also, it's a straight bop, and "all ends/swords pens" has lived rent-free in my brain for months.

welcome to the neath, delicious friend. we hope you enjoy your stay ❤️

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Unlucky Kevin

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

“Who’s that?”

Jib looked up from his lunch platter and followed the direction of Tiy’s nod to the lone human sitting at alone in the cafeteria.

“Ah, that’s right,” Jib remarked as he returned his attention to his food, “I forgot you just transferred in so you wouldn’t know the most famous human on the ship.”

“You need to stay away from them at all costs.” Jib finished as he took a bite of the Tunga sticks.

“Why? I heard humans are friendly.” Tiy remarked as her interest was now peaked. “They do not look like they are dangerous.”

Jib shook his head. “You don’t get it; that’s “Unlucky Kevin”.”

“What?”

Tiy snickered at the name but stopped when Jib’s expression did not soften. “You can’t be serious?”

“I am.” He replied coldly.

“What makes them unlucky?”

“Everyone around him dies.”

Tiy leaned over to look at this Kevin but Jib moved himself into her line of sight blocking her.

“Don’t even look in his direction.” He cautioned. “You don’t want to be caught in his death field.”

The look of confusion must have chipped away some of Jib’s nonresponse as he set down his fork and decided to explain further.

“That human is called Kevin Donger. He originally served in the 113th tactical terran  legion when the campaign started.”

“The 113th?” Tiy replied, “But I thought they all died during the failed drop on Morgus III?”

Jib shook his head. “Everyone but Kevin did. He was the only survivor and was then transferred to the 43rd mechanized terran legion.”

Tiy’s eyes widened at this news. “Didn’t they-“

“-get wiped out during the Springs Offensive on Hape Prime; all of them but him at which point he was transferred to the 800thdrop force.”

“Who-“

“-got annihilated at the final siege of Ogmar Fortress on Ceptus IV.” Jib cut in yet again.

Tiy sat in silence as Jib rattled off several more distinguished terran formations that this Kevin had been transferred to, and each having fallen to a terrible fate on the battlefield. At the end Tiy sat in silence and only now began averting her gaze from the human as the circumstances finally seemed to catch up to her.

“If this is true,” Tiy spoke softly, “why is he still at the frontlines and on our ship?”

Jib shrugged. “Word was he is being sent to his new assignment on Keff V and we were the only ship heading there.”

“Does that not mean we are in danger of dying as well?” Tiy remarked as from the corner of her eye see saw the human getting up and begin to leave the cafeteria.

“I pray to the gods that we are-“ -------------------------------------

“This is Captain Morris; we’ve found the wreckage of the Temen Song and are beginning our search for survivors.”

Looking out from the bridge view screens Morris was not hopeful of the last part. Strewn across the empty void of space before his ship was the blasted remains of a Terengi transport ship. Its hull was breached in several dozen places and it looked as if its engine components had violently torn themselves free from the vessels superstructure like rockets fired from a launcher.

“Any idea what could have done this?”

Morris nodded sadly at his second in command’s question.

“Judging by the layout of damage I would wager a jump drive failure while they were in transit.” He pointed to the deep gouges that ran along the hull of the vessel. “The engines overloaded and traveled faster than the vessel was capable of keeping up and as a result the engines dislodged themselves from the ship and pulled several power conduits out along with them like removing veins from a body.”

His second nodded. “The sudden exit from jump transition coupled with unstable power fluctuations would trigger a critical overload of the power core.” She remarked as the pieces finally fell into place. “If that is the case I’m surprised even this much of the ship is left intact.”

“I’ve got a life sign reading.”

The pair turned from their command platform and looked over at the scanning officer. “I’m reading one life pod at coordinates 237-954 by 716-719.”

With a nod from Morris the screens of the command deck shifted to focus on the new location. Drifting amongst the wreckage was indeed a lone life pod, battered but fully intact.

“How many onboard?” Morris asked.

The scanning officer took a few moments to confirm his readings before replying “Only one sir; and they’re human.”

[celestialsoyeon]

I would like to order a Woozi sickfic.Maybe there was a virus in the company and as he usually stays late working he got infected because of his low defenses and when he comes home he feels sick but he ignores it and the next day when he gets up he has a fever and an upset stomach but he decides to hide it during the day. But as the day progresses he feels worse and dehydrated because of how much he has vomited so he ends up asking one of the boys for help and they take care of him and take good care of him.

Hiiii! Here's the headcannon you asked for! I'm not sure whether it's good or not, but I did my best! Happy reading, I hope the person who asked this will like it! Love y'all!

Summary: Woozi always works until late at night at his studio at the company. One night, he feels sick while getting back home. He doesn't think much of it and just tries to sleep it off. The next morning, it's even worse, but he tries to hide it until he can't anymore.

word count: 1,72k

content warnings: sickness, obviously, vomiting, fever, dehydration, kinda delirious/half-conscious, needles/IV

Sickie: Woozi

Caretaker: All the other members, especially Mingyu

Jihoon had been staying late basically every single day since the beginning of this week. He had to. If he didn't who would? And he had a lot of work to do, with the upcoming album release coming up at the end of the month. He had no time to waste chilling or sleeping.

He knew he was pushing himself too hard and that he would end up collapsing, but he didn't care. Not when the group's career could be at jeopardy if he decided to be lazy. He couldn't afford to fall back on his work right now, and he kept working until his eyes were drooping.

When he noticed that, he got up and gathered his things, intending to go back home, deciding that it was enough. He raised his head, glancing at the clock. It was 3 A.M.

He was lucky that Seungcheol had fallen asleep as soon as he got back to the dorms, too tired to even keep his eyes open for five more minutes. He hadn't been sleeping a lot lately, too busy taking care of Seungkwan and his recurring nightmares. Otherwise he would've gotten scolded, as every single time Seungcheol saw him coming back so late at night.

He let out a sigh and walked back to the dorm, putting on his jacket. As he was walking back to the dorm, the only place he would be able to sleep peacefully and get some well-deserved rest, he started feeling uneasy. His stomach was hurting him a bit and he felt a bit sick.

He decided to ignore it. There was no way he'd wake up Seungcheol neither Soonyoung just because he had an upset stomach. Maybe sleeping it off would work and tomorrow would be better?

He just went to bed, careful not to wake Soonyoung up. The dancer was fast asleep and waking him up was really the last thing he wanted. Soonyoung wasn't sleeping a lot either, and although it had always been like that since predebut, Jihoon still didn't want to disturb his sleep. He'd rather throw up all night alone in the bathroom than wake up any of the asleep members.

He laid down in bed, looking at the ceiling, struggling to fall asleep. The pain in his stomach grew stronger. "I'll be fine.. I'll be just fine.. no need to worry them.." He whispered. Soonyoung was too deeply asleep to hear him. And Jihoon ended up falling asleep too. He was too exhausted to even think he'd be able to stay awake for much longer anyway. He hugged tightly the plushie Seungkwan gifted him for his birthday last year, and fell into a deep slumber.

A few hours passed before it was time to get up. When the alarm of his phone rang, Jihoon couldn't help but let out a small whimper. His head was killing him after hearing that sound first thing in the morning. And as if it wasn't enough, his stomach was feeling worse than last night, if it was even possible.

He still got up and acted fine when seeing the other members, despite feeling his stomach churning. Seokmin and Mingyu tried to get him to eat something, but Jihoon just said he wasn't hungry and got ready for work. They had vocal practice in the morning, dance practice in the afternoon, it should be fine, right? He would feel better already.

No. No he didn't feel better. If anything, it got worse.

He still tried to hide it and focus on his work throughout the day, but some of the members were already starting to understand that something was wrong with him. Seungcheol came to check on him, but Jihoon still acted as if everything was fine.

Ten minutes later, he was in the bathroom, throwing up his guts out.

He went back to the others, still acting as if everything was fine.

As they practiced the choreography Soonyoung was teaching them, Jihoon felt even worse and went to the bathroom again. He threw up again, and more than once, at that.

He felt feverish and couldn't even drink. This time, he knew he couldn't hide that anymore. He had to tell them. He had to call for someone. But when he tried to get up, he was too weak to do so. He fumbled in his pockets for a moment, looking for his phone, finding it upon seconds.

But another wave of nausea hit him as he was going to dial Seungcheol's number. He threw up again, and after five other excruciating minutes of throwing up, he could finally call for help.

Seungcheol answered at the first ring.

" 'Hoon? Where are you? Are you alright?"

Given the tone of his voice, he was obviously worried. Very worried. Jihoon answered as best as he could.

"I.. Hyung.. I think I'm sick.. I'm not feeling good.."

"Where are you? I'll get you back home okay?"

"Y..yeah.. I'm.. in the bathroom.."

"I'm coming right away, I'll be with Mingyu, we're getting you back home."

The leader addressed the other members.

"Guys, can someone get Jihoon's belongings and call a doctor to come at the dorm. Tell them we'll be there in around... maybe half an hour? If Hoon doesn't get any worse?"

There was some approving responses from everyone, but Jihoon could barely hear them. He felt more and more tired, that was most likely because of the fever, Jihoon knew it was anything but a good sign. He heard the other members' voices but couldn't understand what they were saying.

Mingyu and Seungcheol both ran to the bathroom, arriving soon at Jihoon's side. Mingyu quickly assessed the situation.

"Uh-oh.. that's not good.. We need to lower his body temperature as soon as we can before he gets delirious or even worse, starts having fever-induced seizures. Believe me, you don't want to have to deal with that shit."

Seungcheol nodded, and held Jihoon's body bridal style, getting him to the van. The motion of the car made Jihoon's sickness even worse and they had to pull over twice so he could throw up again. But after what felt like an eternity, they were back home.

Mingyu carefully laid Jihoon in his bed, and checked on him again. He looked dazed and mumbled incoherently when Mingyu was asking him questions, trying to assess how conscious he actually was.

The answer was that he was out of it. His eyes were open, but he paid no attention to what was happening around him. He didn't mind the cold and wet towels put on his neck and on his forehead. He didn't pay attention to Mingyu shaking his shoulders and call his name. He was there, but barely.

The other members were acting swiftly to take care of Jihoon, preparing soup, water, medications, pillows, plushies. Seungcheol had stayed there, sitting down at Jihoon's bedside, a bucket on the ready in case JIhoon was to throw up again.

He didn't. But he was still very feverish. And that got Seungcheol worried to death. He ended up getting up, pacing nervously in the room. Jeonghan and Seokmin even had to get him out of the room, because he was too stressed out.

They didn't want Jihoon to get anxious or anguished on top of being sick. He was already badly sick, that was enough.

The doctor soon arrived, and just as the members, he looked alarmed by Jihoon's condition.

"We really need to lower his body temperature before he ends up having a seizure. And he needs fluids too, and nutrients."

"He can't eat though", Joshua said in a worried voice. "And even the medications would not stay down."

"We'll have to insert an IV line then. If we don't that might endanger him. But you don't have to worry, we can do it here and he will for sure get better as soon as he receives medication and the appropriate care. His condition doesn't require hospitalization. However, I want that guy at full rest for at least a week. He'll need a lot of rest to recover properly. And if he doesn't get better within the next few days, I want him to get checked properly." The doctor said, looking at them with a gentle but firm stare.

Joshua nodded, reassured by the doctor's words. Seungkwan looked horrified to be told that his hyung would need a goddamn needle into his arms, but the other members reassured him that it wasn't that much of a big deal.

Jihoon would be okay. They all were sure of it. After the doctor administered the necessary care, he left, and all the members relayed at Jihoon's bedside. As the hours ticked by, Jihoon got more lucid, he wasn't that out of it anymore. And that soothed a bit Mingyu who, among the members, was by far the most worried.

He had nearly panicked when the doctor said that Jihoon needed an IV, and Wonwoo had to explain to him, just as Joshua had done for Seungkwan, that it wasn't a big deal and that Jihoon would be just fine.

The first night was the hardest one. At first, Jihoon kept throwing up. But when the medications kicked in, it stopped and soon enough, Jihoon could eat a bit of food. Nothing much, but better than nothing.

Mingyu stayed the whole night with Jihoon, refusing to leave his side, too worried. But he hadn't anything to worry about. Not anymore.

The next day, Jihoon started to get better, though he needed a lot of rest. But he didn't have anything to worry about. His friends, no, his family was by his side to help him through it.

Mingyu was cooking for him, Wonwoo and Jeonghan most of the time keeping silent vigil by his side, the BooSeokSoon trio was usually coming to help him not get bored, and he could get Seokmin's hugs as much as he wanted. He usually didn't like physical touch, but when he was sick, he was basically asking hugs from his brothers. And Seokmin was more than happy to give him.

Little by little, he got better, and as he got better, his bond with his fellow members strenghtened even more than it already was. They would be able to return soon, and in good shape, to their not-so-peaceful but happiness-filled life.

[nathanbatemanfucker]

Give Me More

summary: part of life is heartbreak and suffering; at least Javi is worthy of it.

pairing: sex worker!f!reader x javier peña

contents: 18+/NSFW/MINORS DNI, mentions of sex work, pwp, oral (f!receiving), feelings, internal angst, perceived unrequited love

wc: 1,995

an: i woke up one morning with this idea on my mind, my fingers were itching to write, especially since it’s been so long since ive written for javier. might come back to give these two a happy ending, might not. thank you to @jennaispunk for the beta! hope y’all enjoy <3

pedro pascal characters masterlist

Javier is your favorite. It’s hard for him not to be. With him nothing is a performance, every moment— every kiss and touch feels real even if it isn’t. You know that it’s going nowhere, that one of these days he will catch each and every drug lord, trickling down all the way to those hardly involved and then he will leave. But it’s hard not to get caught up in him. It’s hot and electric, there’s passion. There’s real pleasure.

He comes to you. Every single time he comes to you. Maybe that makes it worse, these fantasies in your head where you get to keep him. It’s easier to picture him sipping coffee in your kitchen or lounging on your couch reading a paper. Some things he has done, like sleeping in your bed or taking a shower. Sometimes when you curl up in bed at the end of the night, you let yourself drift into those memories, building on them as you go. It’s unhealthy and unfair to yourself.

But, you’re not sure what alternative you have. Falling in love with Javier Peña was not what you’d expected. You’d never fallen in love with a client before, but that’s Javi for you. Beating the odds and changing the game, one kiss and fleeting glance at a time. How are you meant to resist those chocolate brown eyes, big and expressive? How are you to deny how deep and exploring his kiss feels?

You tried. You really had. As soon as you realized what was happening you pulled away. Stopped answering his calls and started frequenting other places, places you were most likely not to see him. But, Javi’s persistent and DEA— he could find you if he wanted to and he had. Slowly but surely you fell right back into his clutches. Eventually you stopped fighting it. You had to be honest with yourself, the part of you that wanted to is small at best. This will be the only thing you ever have with him and you might as well hold on to it while you can. Part of life is heartbreak and suffering; at least Javi is worthy of it.

He called yesterday, asking if he could come over tonight. Of course you had said yes. Today is one of the only days during the week that you have completely to yourself, but you don’t mind. Being with Javier never feels like work…it isn’t in your mind, not that you’ve ever mentioned that to him.

His knock on the door is crisp and succinct as always, no mistaking him for anyone else. And when you open the door for him, he slips in easily, shutting the door so that he can pin you against it with his soft but insistent kisses. He tastes like bourbon and tobacco, his warm spicy scent invading all of your senses. You kiss him back easily— eagerly, hands rising to card through his soft hair.

God he smells so good. He feels so good. You could live and die here happily.

He’s always needy when he comes to you, but something feels different. Off.

You pull away slightly, running a hand over his cheek so that he opens his eyes to look at you. “Estas bien?”

“Muy bien, querida. So good, now that I’m here,” He murmurs into your mouth.

“Tienes hambre?” You ask, nipping gently at his bottom lip.

“Mhmm,” He hugs, starting a path of kisses down your neck, biting and sucking at your flesh as if to prove his point.

“For food, Javi,” You scold playfully even as you let your head lull to the side, giving him free reign.

“Food can come later. Let me take care of you, baby,” He croons.

That’s all it takes for you to abandon your line of questioning and give into him. You nod, shivering against him when he continues to bite at your skin, humming softly at your taste.

Javier moves with ease through your apartment, like its his. The two of you take a pitstop in the kitchen where he pours a glass of water. He must plan to keep you in bed all night. You have no complaints, not when the focus for once will be on you. Then he’s guiding you to your bedroom, shutting the door softly. He shrugs out of his jacket and boots before returning to you where you stand at the edge of the bed.

“Eres preciosa,” He mutters under his breath, allowing his hands to run all over you.

Sure you picked out your favorite silk sleeping dress, the one that’s reserved for him or high paying clients— though lately, it’s been just for him. He’s seen you in this time and time again. And yet the way he’s looking at you…the way he’s speaking of you has your face hot.

“Stop it, Javi,” You murmur shyly. He’s the only one who can get you like this, easily worked up and bashful. You like it that way.

“I mean it, querida, you’re so beautiful,” He lets his hands move up, trailing over your breasts until one of his hands teases your nipple through the delicate fabric causing your breath to catch. He grins, satisfied with the sound. “So beautiful.”

“Javier, please,” You whine, your hands clutching at the fabric of his shirt.

The way you look at him, with wide, desperate eyes. He doesn’t stand a chance. “Alright, let’s get you out of this baby. See how wet you are for me,” He teases as he works you out of the slip dress.

Javier gently pushes you back until you can sit on the edge of the bed, and once you’re settled he drops to his knees, spreading you open so that you’re on full display for him. He lets out a loud, depraved groan, the sound shooting straight to your pussy. You’re so wet for him already, your sex glistening in the soft moonlight that spills through the curtains. He can’t wait to ravish you, to worship you. He’s lucky enough to get you like this and he will show his gratitude one stroke of his tongue at a time. On nights like tonight, Javier likes to pretend just as much as you do. You’re completely his and he’ll speak of you no other way.

“All this for me. All mine, look at you baby. So fucking wet just from my kisses?”

Your head is already spinning, every inch of your skin feels as if it’s on fire and he hasn’t even really touched you yet. You nod softly, spreading your legs a little wider for him, beckoning him in. Who is he to deny you?

Slowly, he kisses his way up your thighs, sucking and biting the way he had on your neck but with more pressure this time. Here he can mark you— it’s likely to go unnoticed. He sucks until a mark blooms on your thigh, the bruise contrasting with your skin. The sight of it has him wanting to rut against the end of the bed. To drop his pants and bury his cock in you until you both find your pleasure. But, this is just for you. He’s here to take care of you, it’s what he likes doing.

His eyes are hooded as they look up at you, watching for your reaction when he blows cool air over your clit. He loves the way you twitch, how your hips buck up ready to feel him. He can tell by the way you bite your lower lip that you’re about to open your mouth and beg— he gives you no time too. Javier leans forward, letting his tongue slide through your folds with no urgency.

It’s the start of bliss for the both of you. His tongue feels like heaven, even with the tentative, patient licks he’s giving you. He’s so warm, sending hot shocks of pleasure throughout your entire body.

Your heady taste in his mouth, Javi can hardly contain his hunger, smiling against you when he remembers that he doesn’t have to. He sinks further into you, nuzzling his nose against your clit, letting his tongue dip into your center.

“Oh, fuck— Javier,” You moan, arching into him, your legs falling open even wider until they can spread no more. You want him to see and devour every inch of you. Your hand raises to card through his hair, and when your gaze meets his, it’s just as heated, just as lustful.

“I know, querida. I know, feels so good doesn’t it, baby?” He murmurs knowingly against you, his tongue flicking your clit between each word.

“Mhmm,” You hum, letting your head fall back as you give in.

Javier takes his time. He winds you up tight with attentive licks to your clit before giving you a break, letting his tongue grow messy and lax with no direction. He’s teasing you, you both know that, but this you don’t mind. It’s not to be unkind, not to deprive you of anything but to draw out the limited time you two get to spend together like this.

Javi wants to be here with you as badly as you want to be here with him. The difference between you is that he doesn’t let himself dream.

This is what it is. This is what it will be. He’s accepted that.

“Javi,” You breathe, after the pleasure swells up inside you for a third time, only to be deflated.

Javi looks up at you, raising a hand to cup your jaw and bring your gaze to his. His stare is so intense, eyes so dark that they’re nearly black with desire. “You ready for it? You want me to make you cum? Just tell me.”

“Yeah, I’m ready. Please, Javi.”

“I’ll make you cum, baby, don’t worry. Relax, lay back. Let me take care of you,” He repeats his words from earlier.

As soon as you oblige, laying your back flat against the bed, Javier’s on the hunt for your orgasm, like predator chases prey. While his mouth focuses on your clit, suckling and flicking, he presses two of his fingers deep into your pussy, taking no time to find that sensitive spot. Despite the intentionality of his movements, he is gentle while coaxing your pleasure out of you. It’s erotic and sweet, it makes your heart ache. You fall over the edge in no time at all and Javier drinks endlessly, lapping up all of your slick with happy little moans.

You relax further into the mattress, your chest rising and falling harshly as you ride out your release. He’s moved away from your overstimulated center, kissing at your thighs and tummy while you return to earth.

“More, querida? Quieres más?”

“Yes,” You whisper— to him, to the darkness of the night like it’s some sort of confession. Javi doesn’t understand the double meaning, and you wouldn’t want him to, not when you know how it’ll end.

Yes, you want more. You want all of him, every day for the rest of your days. You want his declarations about being his to be true. You want him to be yours. Instead of voicing any of your internal turmoil, you sit up, cupping his face in your hands as you bend to kiss him for a taste of yourself on his tongue. He hums into your mouth, smiling against your lips as he rises carefully to his feet.

You make quick work of the buttons on his shirt as his hands take care of his belt and the zipper of his jeans, his boxers. Once bared to you, Javier slots himself between your thighs, thrusting so his cock glides teasingly through your folds.

You feel the head of his cock nudging at where you need him most. Pulling back to look him intensely in the eyes, you whisper, “Dame más.”

Yes, you want more, but you’ll take whatever he can give you.

javi taglist: @lesbianhotch, @bubblybubbubs, @sheresh0y, @jxvipike, @campingwiththecharmings