#ive done a lot of writing to build to where im at now

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

THEY DONT LET YOU CHANGE THE VENUE TYPE OF THE PARK IN SAN MYSHUNO ANYMORE???????

SIMS TEAM YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS

[soularsss]

Drawing Likeness: with Tem!

okaay since a few people actually showed interest in me sharing a bit of what I've been doing to figure out how to really capture likeness, specifically Temuera Morrison, I figured id do my best to write it out

I am also going to entice you with some of my recent clone art! (oooh some of it is unreleaaasedd)

I am putting the whole thing under the cut because I have a feeling its going to be long:

Read more!!!

a couple disclaimers before we start

-This is not some definite post about how everyone should be drawing clones, nor is it in any way claiming that this is the right way. This is just my musings as I stare at a mans face for way too long and try to replicate it

-I am inexperienced. As kind as you all are to me, drawing real people is relatively new to me, capturing a persons identity through their features is difficult for anybody, and I am no different. I have watched many a video on likeness and had my share of classes, but If im being honest, i rarely put it into practice successfully. So there'll probably be errors in this post or things i will come back to in a few months and wish I had said/done differently

ANYWAYs you guys get my vibe im just here to ramble and today we are rambling about mr copy paste. I am doing this for Law, my clone boy, because I plan on delving further into oc fanart and I want to put effort into representing him correctly!

SO LETS BEGIN

Before even deciding what specific pose of a person I want to draw, I tend to grab a bunch of references and compile them like so

(all of these can be found on my pinterest)

Why so many? Well, we are about to delve into facial features, so when we are dealing with photos we have to take into account that there are an abundance of circumstances that will influence how a persons face will appear, some of these include:

focal length: All of these are taken on different devices, and focal length can play a big part in distorting faces

age will play a part, your face changes a bunch throughout your life!

lighting, while not as major, can muddy the waters and make it difficult to interpret facial planes and features

SO, to make sure we get a proper grasp of what's really going on, I like to make sure we have lots of options to compare and contrast with.

Next up! What I like to do is block out the main facial features with colour on different layers, the features I block out usually are the general face shape, eyebrows, eyes, nose and lips. But what you are looking for is the defining features of a person, so that could include other things! Maybe a scar, or some particularly prominent cheekbones.

I dont have any rhyme or reason when it comes to picking my colours, all that matters is you can see all the shapes clearly.

Now I may be biased, because Ive been staring at these for 4 hours, but notice how it still looks like Tem? :D

Anyways, now we can break these parts down, and you'll see what I mean about compare and contrast:

We'll start with isolating the facial shape, putting all these next to eachother you'll notice they arent exactly the same (partly because of my shoddy work) But the distinguishing features run through each shape! Namely the very soft rectangular shape I sketched out in the bottom right there. Along with his soft, wide jaw structure.

I did the same for the rest of his features!

You'll notice I highlight the prominent shapes and ratios,

When drawing anything, it is important to start from the very base shapes and build up.

When drawing something you want to look like someone, those shapes relative to other shapes is what makes it look like them.

I didnt use the same technique with his eyes and lips, but I wrote out some helpful info for them! More importantly for his eyes.

When drawing eyes, I find the most important part is where exactly I draw the creases, (along with the overall shape of the eye itself) it is important to understand where those will present themselves with hooded eyes.

NOW, with an understanding of his facial features in place, lets take a detour to colours:

before I start, a couple things to note:

-Temuera morrison versus the clone troopers in the animated shows:

While I love the animated shows they don't exactly stay close to their source material. Im going to link here to an excellent post discussing whitewashing specifically in relation to the clones.

Temuera is Māori, of Te Arawa (Ng��ti Whakaue) and Tainui (Ngāti Maniapoto, Ngāti Rarua) whakapapa, and also has Scottish and Irish ancestry.

The Māori people are the indigenous Polynesian people of mainland New Zealand (Aotearoa). Māori originated with settlers from East Polynesia. Māori people often vary in skin tone, Skin colour doesn't determine ethnicity. There's often a correlation but it's not a requirement.

But that is a tangent! What we are aiming for is to stay true to Temuera.

Bringing back my reference photos from before, Ive colour picked a buncha values and theyre all over the place. Why doesnt this work?

Similarly to earlier, you have to take into account the photos themselves. Many things like lighting, colour grading (when it comes to filmography) and makeup, can alter how a skin colour presents in photo.

You can attempt to get true to life by swatching from certain places on the face. Here I've tried to pick some photos with good lighting, and I've also tried to avoid overly lit/shaded areas.

Tem has a very warm, tan skin tone, Instead of colour picking I tend to try and replicate it myself, but I do often bring in references to make sure Im staying true to the source!

a brief intermission to talk about colour theory, something I myself struggle with alot. Often, when putting in flat colours without a background, I will forget to make sure the colours i intend to use will work with the skin tone i have picked! (something that is apparent in older works of mine, not just in relation to clones, but in general, the colours I end up with stray largely from their original sources and it is something I am doing my best to keep in mind and improve in! Although I don't think i am nearly experienced enough in the topic to say I have succeeded yet lol.)

anyways back to Tem :))

Now we can put all of that into practice! Things to keep in mind when drawing out a piece next to a reference like this:

the distance between the eyebrows? how far down his face does his nose go? Basically just, in relation to eachother, where do all those shapes we found earlier, sit?

The screenshot above is from before I did it myself, but instead of directly tracing from the reference, a handy trick I use it to complete your sketch first, and then overlay a traced version to see where your inconsistencies are! Alternatively, you could move your sketch over the image, but I didnt do it that way so!! uh!! im sure it works exactly the same!!!!

When it comes to a final illustration, or any sketch that isnt a direct study, of course you can push and pull and stylise! You'll see below that I'm not exactly 1:1 to my reference photo either.

The important thing with stylisation, or at least my own personal understanding of stylisation is that you need to thoroughly understand the thing you are stylizing! "You need to know the rules to break them" and all that. While shapes, lines and rendering can change, when it comes to drawing someone, and making it look like them, you have to make sure to keep their core features true to source. Caricature can capture a persons vibe whilst drastically exaggerating features, but it will only look like them if you KEEP THOSE FEATURES!!!! SHAPES!!! AHHH!!

But that is just my perspective on the discussion of style versus realism, please dont take is as Law, I dont know what Im on about half the time!!

anyways, after fixing your sketch, add local colours!

I rexified him because why tf not! But this is where you can go crazy with that clone personalization!

And then here is a very very barely rendered version (if you guys want me to explain how i RENDER that would need to be a completely different post, and I havent had anyone ask about it yet so who knows! maybe one day) But I digress, hopefully you learnt something new through my ramblings! It has certainly helped me organize my thoughts and I have also found some areas I would like to focus more on in the future to improve my own art!

TLDR: In order to understand an object, be it a face or a building or literally anything, you have to break it down to its simplest forms, understanding LARGER shapes will help you immensely in the long run

If you guys like this sorta content do let me know! I'd be down to do similar things for armor/anything really, I am very anti gatekeep so really anything at all you want to know! Send me an ask :))

also if you see a spelling mistake.. i don’t know how that got there

[junosmindpalace]

Im in love with your senku x reader writings

They are absolutely adorable🥺

Ive been sick for a whole week now and i still feel terrible

It made me wonder how Senku would act with reader being sick and bedridden?

And Senku is just near her side, watching over her?🥺

Maybe y/n collapses during all the hard work in the stone world, and turns out having a strong fever?

Watching her fall asleep, keeping her tucked in, handing her water etc

I think they would be the absolute cutest 🥺🥺

thank you so much for your request and patience! i hope you were able to recover quickly (me and my horrid timing…)!

--! warnings: sickness, anxiety(?)

--> wc: 1k

The shift from living in an advanced civilization to the stone age was massive and required a lot of adjusting. 

You were fortunate enough to exist in a time where everything you could ever want and need was easily accessible, from all the knowledge in the world at your fingertips to all sorts of items at your disposal. All your basic necessities could be easily met with a short walk to the supermarket. 

So when all of that turned upside down, it was a challenge to keep up.

The petrification took a large toll on you when you awoke from your lengthy slumber. You were powerless to save the people you loved and who brought you comfort. Most of your time was spent attempting to accommodate your new living circumstances, physically and mentally. 

Anxiety and panic was a constant in the back of your mind with so much unknown about the potential attack on mankind, and you were unable to soothe yourself with the hobbies you once enjoyed. Your physical health also suffered. Your diet had changed drastically, you were forced to take on a lot of labor in order to stay alive. 

But throughout it all, Senku made adjusting easier by helping you learn everything you needed to know to help you survive in your new environment. The two of you worked together to hunt, build shelter and tools and fashion clothing. Senku’s determination and upbeatness despite such a traumatic life altering event helped keep you sane. You didn’t need to strain yourself as much when Taiju and Yuzuriha later joined the group either, especially with Taiju’s endless stamina. 

When you and Senku split from your friends in order to establish alliances with other potential survivors, you came along a small village that also helped in terms of labor. You befriended and recruited many strong and resourceful people to help the both of you with your mission. Still, you were doing a lot. Your body didn’t have the time to gradually adjust to your new lifestyle. 

For a while, you were able to push through. For the sake of your survival, work took priority. But eventually, sometime after Ruri was cured, you couldn’t keep hitting ignore on your exhaustion, and eventually you felt the consequences of this action catch up to you.

It seemed that there was always something to do in Ishigami Village, which was unsurprising considering your circumstances. It was a particularly harsh sunny day, the sun beating down at the villagers who tried, futilely, to rid themselves of the discomfort the sun’s glare brought them.

“Particularly hot out today, huh, Senku?” Gen panted out from beside his scientist friend, the two both sharing uncomfortable looks on their faces. 

“It hasn’t been this hot in a while! We should make sure the children and elderly are alright.” Kohaku commented upon overhearing, putting a hand over her eyes to shield the sun’s rays and survey the villagers. Senku mimicked her not far away. 

“We won’t get much work done under these conditions. We should probably-” Senku had started, but a thud interrupted his train of thought. Everyone turned toward the sound to find you had collapsed and lied unconscious on the ground. 

Immediately your friends were at your side, the strongest villagers, Kohaku and Magma, carrying you into one of the huts in the village. After Senku assessed you, he realized to his horror that you had come down with a strong fever. In the modern world, a cold was nothing to stress over, especially at your age. But with the change in…everything, it was a lot more concerning, especially since Ruri had almost died of pneumonia.

Luckily, the Kingdom of Science’s sulfa drug was successful, but the downside was that it needed time to create again. In the meantime, your friends did everything they could to accommodate your sickness, Senku being at the forefront of it all.

Kohaku delivered spring water like she did in order to help with Ruri’s sickness, and Chrome, along with Suika and other villagers, would collect various supplies Senku advised him of to help with your recovery- food, materials for medical tools and the like. Senku stayed by your side throughout it all, making sure to assess you regularly and work to get the panacea done as soon as possible.

It was uncomfortable enough being sick in the modern world, but with the amount of pain you were in from your fever along with not being able to enjoy your old comforts, the fever took a higher toll on you than expected.

Senku stayed by your side to soothe you the best ways he knew how. He used his knowledge of science to create whatever forms of entertainment he could, and having another person from your time was also a comfort. He did his best to make you laugh and help keep you out of your panicked mindset.

At the peak of your illness, and when your anxiety was at its highest, Senku stayed by your side and watched over you until you fell asleep, sometimes lingering in the house or setting up his own sleeping bag beside. He convinced himself it was for your peace of mind, but deep down, being near you and able to quickly respond to anything alarming also helped put his heart and mind at ease.

“You’ll be okay, Y/N. You’ll recover from this, I’m ten billion percent certain of it. Get your rest.” He’d tell you with all the confidence in the world, and it was hard not to believe him when his words were so firm and full of certainty. 

Senku would lean over and tuck you in, insisting that it was important that you kept yourself warm. He helped you drink water when you were too weak to do so yourself, and encouraged you to sleep a lot in between meals.  

Your sickness put you out of commission for work for a while before the medicine was finished, and even after taking the medicine, your body still needed to adjust after having been used to more modern ones. 

Eventually your fever symptoms slowly started to lessen, and through the hot spring water, food and other things, along with Senku’s assessments of your condition, you were back on your feet feeling reborn. Senku made sure to continue monitoring you from time to time, and told you to come to him if you were ever feeling down again, both physically and mentally (because as much as you wanted to avoid worrying him, his attentive eye and big heart always manage to see through you).

[bapouro]

working at a badly funded and poorly run homeless hostel for over a year has taught me a lot but reassuringly solified my belief in compassion. we have some real dickheads here who have done terrible things (theyre in the minority) and witnessing that ive still never thought for a second that theyre undeserving of shelter, food, amneties and access to second chances. which is not anything someone should pat themselves on the back for but its really disappointing when some coworkers make comments like they dont.

the real problem seems to be that for our council, and society at large, as long as theyre not on the street and not in sight, thats as far as their issue with it seems to go. they want you off the street, but thats it. theres this insane cognitive dissonance where youre either a 'good' homeless person just in need of a leg up or a 'bad' homeless person who gets cycled around the system with little hope, as long as youre not in public view, as long as youre more or less kept alive. staffing is so important. ive worked two quite different places now but here the morale is so low. the turnaround is so high. support workers here are assigned about 20 clients per person when really you can only support around up to 5 responsibly. the building is full but we perpetually need staff in a place where nobody who genuinely wants to help without burning themselves out to do so will stay (not to mention they make £1 above minumum wage). you cant support people like that, and whats the point when these people feel set up to be put in stasis in this bad system. if you cant/dont work, you get housing benefits to pay the rent. if you do find work, your benefits are gone and all your money will go on the rent. the only ones who can seemingly successfully 'bootstrap' themselves out are the ones finding work in secret so nobody else can manipulate them and their new money, which has to be cash in hand to keep their benefits. youre going to feel stuck, if you feel stuck, you feel hopeless or lash out. lashing out at other people losing hope and staff losing the morale to properly help. we can tick off the boxes of basic rights and say theyve got what they need but beyond that, the support to a real quality of life does not feel like an objective in that system. some people will always be in this system, for whatever reason, they will have to have this proper support. they get treated as helpless and totally in a situation of their own making at the same time. its complex. its sad and infuriating. i wanted to write some of the thoughts ive experienced on it for a while. ive met all kinds of people. i wish there was more i could do but really its on structures a lot more powerful than me that are on the whole indifferent. but i guess thats the thing. i want to stay angry but im afforded that indifference. im lucky i dont have to be too anxious about falling into that system. it can be out of my sight, i dont want to let it out of mind. but for them, they cant have either.

[edenicsin]

spell write-up: money box

(this is a very messy description of my long-term money spell. enjoy!)

first of all – i decided to do a money box instead of a money bowl for two reasons: i dont have that much space (and thus need to be able to fit things on top of other things), and im quite clumsy and prone to knocking things over on accident.

i bought a silk(?) piece of clotch to line a small box. the primary ingredients were rice, cinnamon, a drawn solar symbol, a written prayer, and possibly more herbs though i dont really remember. over time i added a LOT more things – cedar oil, basil, a key, flower petals, vanilla… basically anything and everything i had in the cupboard, in small amounts. not all of it was money-specific; sometimes i add things to bring peace to my financial matters, for instance. indeed i consider the variety useful in symbolizing multiple income sources.

i work the box every thursday during the hour of jupiter, usually first thing in the morning, since i think about december? january? the couple of times i missed it i would do it after sunrise on sunday. the standard procedure is lighting the designated candles, ‘mixing’ the contents while thanking the involved spirits (oh yeah i involved a number of entities in this) and burning incense as offering, adding something (new or more), continuing the mixing while talking specifically about what im currently in need of, thanking the sun and jupiter another time, closing the box and blowing out the candles (so the smoke may carry my wishes to the entities in question).

i actually dont really do specific petitions atm, hoping to add that to the repertoire in the coming weeks, along with writing more prayers (rn i just have the one). this has been my longest term magical operation (so far!) and i really want to continue it… functionally indefinitely, so it may change over time, as it already has.

the major conclusions are thus:

1. people are not kidding when they recommend a money Bowl. the effects are definitely strongest on thursdays, to the point where it feels like the universe conspires to bring me money Only on those days (very rarely on wednesdays). im hoping to move my workings to a nice bowl as soon as i have the space – possibly also work it more often? not sure how achievable that is for me, though.

2. a big container is a must, not because of the amount of contents but because of the ease of interaction it offers. though also because of the amount yes.

3. basil is awesome for bursts of cash when necessary; however…

4. this is definitely more of a long-term project than an emergency solution. ive noticed a significant build-up effect, where at the beginning it wasnt very strong but now its, well, bending reality for real. however, with the ingredients and work ive used and done its less so about specific amounts and moreso because of the opportunities it seems to generate – at least from my unemployed perspective. possibly very detailed petitions could work around it?

5. leaving cash in the box is not only good magically, it also makes it smll very good. this is a very fun thing when youre giving people cash n u see them go Huh?

i think thats the bulk of it? i dont want to be too specific just in case, but im open to answering questions if anyones interested. in conclusion, i would highly recommend this spell type(?), as long as you give it ample time to kick in. i imagine it could be adapted to a lot of traditions and practices!

[sophieinwonderland]

Hey so idk if youll have an answer but ive been struggling a lot lately

So basically im frontstuck, i cant rlly interact w my headmates or headspace

And like, my headmates can front w me but afterwards + during its like a distant dream

Also my memory is horrible, like i cant remember half of my day.

Ive tried journaling, it didn't work, i forgot about it completely :/

So, yea.. Im just asking in case, yk, you might have advice or something

Hi there. Sorry that you're going through this right now. 💖

Regarding journaling, if your main problem is that you forget to journal, try setting alarms for certain times that you want to journal through the day.

Also, journal in whatever way is most convenient for you. I know that some people will insist on bringing a physical journal with them that they can write in with an actual pen, but if this is inconvenient then you don't need it. A lot of people's communication today is done by text, and if that's easiest, then journaling can be done the same way.

If talking is easier, then you can even use a voice to text app on your phone.

An alarm goes off on your phone, that lets you know that it's time to journal, then you can immediately open up a doc app that you have saved to your home screen.

You can try doing this daily, or if you can, maybe even twice a day. If you really want to exercise your memory to the max, add in a dream journal to that too. Do a dream journal in the morning, journal about your day at a scheduled halfway point, and then once more before bed.

This is obviously a lot of journaling to do but I think that it's best for building habits.

And I think that dream journaling might especially be helpful for overcoming dissociative barriers because dreams are sort of dissociative. That's why it feels so much like a dream when you try to recall what someone else did in front.

So in theory, remembering dreams should help train you to remember what happens in dissociative states as well.

You can also try out an app like habitica to help you build these habits.

Regarding access to the inner world, it's a little hard to know what to say without knowing what you want out of the inner world.

I believe the inner world comes in roughly two varieties. What I consider a deep and surface inner world. A deep inner world is where you would go whenever you aren't fronting. This is where headmates can live out elaborate and complex lives. This also may or may not actually happen, and could possibly just be confabulated memories that are created later by the brain to fill in the blanks.

We don't really experience a deep inner world, aside from maybe a vague sense of having been in the inner world all along whenever one of us fronts or becomes co-conscious for the first time in the while.

But we do experience the surface inner worlds. These are accessed voluntarily through the imagination.

Meditation isn't necessary for this. We've been able to enter surface inner worlds with our eyes wide open before. But meditation is probably best, especially using something to cut out external sound.

Try setting a timer for at least 10 minutes, imagining yourself in whatever place you want to be in, and imagining your headmate that you want to talk to there with you. Then just imagine talking to their form. It's possible that you might not get a response back, but you should stick with it anyways.

I would also advise not waiting until you are too tired before starting to meditate, as it wouldn't be helpful to fall asleep since the goal is to go into the inner world and talk to your headmates.

Hopefully this can be of some help. Best of luck to you!

[seeingivy]

method acting asks

an: I can't believe I still get these

this is literally so funny to me. taylor as gojo stan u always make me giggle it makes me so happy to see u in my inbox. im so glad u liked it, it makes me feel all types of ways!

@elliesbabygirl super random but im the president of the neuroscience society at my school and i gave an entire talk about parasocial relationships and the neuro basis of that recently and for some reason??? the crowd started asking me about fanfics HAHA. and while i admit some of the concerns i started like vehemently defending them because i think when they're done right they can really hit people and be really moving because it's personalized

(basically this ask is an affirmation that i'm right and even if im not i guess i just have a parasocial relationship with a 2d drawing and that's who i am)

hehe im so excited for the upcoming chapters of canary mate. i have to build things up but EEPPPPP im so excited for the reveal already (fun fact: ive been hinting at how its going to happen already!)

ahhh a masters in psychology is so exciting!!! I hope you are so so proud of all of your hardwork. it takes so much to do that and i can't wait for it to all feel full circle to you (im graduating from undergrad in the spring and im already in reflecting mode.

also is this how i realize i don't follow you im going to go like combust in a puddle now this is so embarrassing

@deusfoundry btw the other ask u sent also persuaded me to ignore the poll i made and attempt to answer your request bc I KNOW you've been asking for it since i wrote that chapter last year.

levi when he's dad but not dad. oh levi. and sorry they're ALL going to call her sweetheart. that's THEIR collective sweetheart actually i don't make the rules. (yes I do)

hi!!! i want to thank you for existing right back. and for sending me this ask when i needed it. at the time i was writing that chapter i wasn't at that point at all, but now i am, and it's severely meta to have something i wrote as advice to myself.

the transitionary period is hard. getting denied from things you worked for is hard. thinking about how people can leave whenever and you can't really control that AND you can't really take that pain away from someone else when someone important does leave is really hard. lots of thoughts going on in the ronnie verse and i am patiently waiting for the point that where i know im out of this and somehow glad that i went through it bc i learned something about myself and people and love and all that.

(wishing the same for you soon my friend)

the words of encouragement mean the world!!! i hope you have a lovely day/night/life.

@deusfoundry everything they do. the venice pics. the concerts. the blowing the kiss during the concert. yeah.

@stillnotherapy I love this video of him. I love them. I am manifesting the day that this will be me.

(it's the same video as the last one) and yeah.

[malii-the-bonehead]

The Other Woman pt5

heres part 5.. i know it took a while but honestly ive been slacking due to the rafe story im writing. i need to get more chapters of this done so that i dont have to stress about it as much as i have been.

Anyways enjoy part 5<3

Slow burn

Summary: Chris, a popular hockey player at school where Y/n went, found himself falling for the beautiful, shy girl. As time went on he found out who Y/n truly was as a person and ultimately, he had to make the choice, his girlfriend, or the other woman.

Part 5

I’m sitting in the parking lot of the cafe. Honestly, I didn’t want to be here. When I got home from the store, I found mom sprawled out on the floor, bottle in hand and puke next to her. I ended up having to drag her to bed and cleaning her mess. I wish I had the money to send her to a rehab place. She needs to get clean. I thought about texting dad and asking him, but I decided against it. I don’t want help from him. I didn’t need his help anyways.

Other than that mess, everything was fine. I ended up having spare time so I went to my plugs house and got a gram from him. Not for now, but whenever I felt like smoking. I had to restock in case, you know?

I sat in my car for about 15 minutes before receiving a text from Chris. 

You still coming? I checked the time. It was 5:34. I sent him a text back. 

I’m waiting on you, silly. I’ve been here for 15 minutes already. I put my phone down on the seat next to me. I reached into the backseat of my car and grabbed my old calculus textbook from last year. My phone rang.

I got here at 5 lol. I’ve been waiting for you since then. I’m already inside by the window. 

I quickly got out of my car. I didn’t know he was here. I rushed inside the small and homey feeling cafe. When I stepped into the building, the smell of apple pie and coffee filled my nose. I liked the smell of this place. I looked around, seeing Chris on his phone next to the window like he said he was. I walked over to him.

“I’m sorry you were waiting so long. I wish you told me you were already here,” I mumbled and sat down in the open seat across from him. He looked at me, placing his phone in his pocket. There were papers and two books scattered on the table, as well as a pastry, what looked to be a croissant. A chocolate croissant with a few bites taken out of it. I loved chocolate croissants.. 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I didn’t know you were here either. We probably should have texted each other, huh?” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking a little embarrassed. 

“Yeah, that would have been a good idea,” I giggled. “So, let's see what you’re working on.” I placed my book down, next to all the papers and books along the table. 

“Before we start, are you hungry? I’ll pay for it, just order what you want.” Chris smiled at me from across the table. I smiled back.

“No, no, I’ll pay for my food. Thank you though.” He rolled his eyes.

“Oh, come on. It’s the least I can do for making you come all the way here just to help me study.” I shook my head. 

“Fine, but only this once.” I gave him a stern face. I meant it. I didn’t want him paying for me. I’d probably feel bad later for making him pay for me today. 

Chris asked me what I wanted. 

“Hm, I think I’ll get a chocolate croissant as well. Yours looks really good. Also a hot coffee, add sugar and creamer.” He looked at me, taking in the things I asked for. He nodded his head standing up.

“Anything else?” He asked.

“No, thank you.”

“I’ll be back in a sec.” He turned around, walking to the counter to order my food and coffee. I looked at the papers on the table, trying to read the handwriting on each one. Chris didn’t have very readable handwriting…

After a few minutes of trying to figure out what the papers said, Chris came back. He placed my food and coffee down in front of me as well as a water bottle. 

“One croissant, hot coffee, and water for the pretty lady,” He said before sitting back down in his chair. My face started to get warm. 

“Thanks,” I mumbled and looked away towards the window. 

“So, did you find out what all this shit means,” Chris grabbed a paper from the small stack in front of me. 

“To be honest, I couldn’t read your notes. But I could read the typed questions.” He laughed a little. 

“Yeah, my handwriting was never the best.”

“As long as you can read it, right?”

“Right,” he chuckled. He placed the paper in front of me and started pointing out the things he was struggling with. Time to get to work, I internally sighed. 

– 

Helping Chris wasn’t hard at all. He was a fast learner and quick to keep the information in his head. 

Chris groaned and stretched his arms over his head. He leaned back slightly before speaking. “Man, I’m tired. I think we need a break. We’ve been doing this for an hour and a half and I think I got the concept down.”

“How about you do these last three problems,” I scribbled two easy equations and one hard one before sliding the paper in his direction. “Then, we can take a break.”

Chris did the first two problems easily. The last one took him longer than the others but he got the right answer in the end. 

“You’re catching on really fast, Sturniolo.” He smiled at me, a big grin on his face.

“Thank you, Miss L/n.” I felt my cheeks turn pink from that. “You know, it seems like everytime I say something, your face turns pink.”

I felt my face get even pinker, probably red at this point.

“No it doesn’t,” I denied. I knew it did. But would I agree with him on that? No.

“Yes, I think it does. I see it all the time when I talk to you.”

I rolled my eyes.

Chris’s pov

My stomach hurts. It felt like someone was twisting my guts around. She made me so nervous and honestly, I don’t think she notices how she makes me feel. Everything she says makes my heart melt. When she calls me by my name, or even the nicknames she's given me. It makes me want to go feral. If I didn’t have any self control, and wasn’t raised right, then I probably would have. She makes me crazy and I hate it. But God, I love it so much. The feelings she makes me experience are unreal. So unreal to the point that I have to pinch myself sometimes to make sure it isn’t all a dream. 

“When do you think we should wrap this up? Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed being here with you today, but don’t you have better things to do?” She looked at me with a dazed face. She looked so pretty.

I wish I could tell her. Just tell her everything. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right about cleaning up. I’m not busy for the rest of the day, but it is getting late. You probably have some things to do, too.”

She looked out the window. “Actually, there is something I need to do.”

My face dropped. I didn’t want her to go yet. Not that I’d admit that to her.

“Well, thank you for the help, Y/n. I really appreciate it.” She noticed the look on my face. 

“Hey, since you’re not busy, why don’t you come with me? I can drop you off at home after if you’d like,” she offered. My face lit up again. 

“Really? Ah, that would be awesome,” I started to pack up my things, standing from my chair after her. 

As we walked towards the door, I asked her, “Where is it you need to go?” 

“First we’ll go to my car so u can put your things in it, then I need to go get a few books I’ve been dying to read. Luckily, the library is just across the street.” She almost skipped along the sidewalk to her car. 

“That sounds perfect.”

–

We made it to her car. She unlocked the door for me and I placed my bag in the passenger seat. She ended up giving me her old calculus book so my bag was pretty much bursting at this point. 

After we had finished up there, we started walking to the library. There was something soothing about being around her. Even if we didn’t talk, just her presence made me feel tingly inside. 

We made it to the very large building, walking through the automatic doors in the front. I pretty much followed her like a lost puppy.

We had come to a stop in front of the romance section. She dragged her fingers along the spines of some of the books along the shelves. She grabbed one, a thick book with torn edges and yellowed pages. 

“You really like the thickest books out there, don’t you,” I snickered behind her. 

She turned around and looked at me, a smug smile on her face. 

“Yes, maybe you should try reading one? You might learn something from these.” She giggled. I placed my hand on my heart, letting out a fake, pained sigh. She giggled again. “I’m only joking, Chris.”

She faced the shelves again, browsing a little before grabbing two more books. After that, we walked around some more. We went to the educational section, fiction, non-fiction, mystery, you name it. She seemed to have grabbed at least one book from every section. 

We found ourselves in front of the poetry section. 

“Do you need some help with those,” I questioned. She had a stack of at least 8 books in her hands, most of them thick and probably heavy.

“Please,” she sighed, handing me 4 of the 8. After, she looked around the poetry area when she noticed a book on the top shelf. She tried to reach up, failing to grab the thing that caught her eye.

I noticed her struggle and went behind her, reaching up and grabbing the book she had been reaching for. She turned around, looking up at me with a pink face.

“Your face is pink again,” I whispered. We were very close. So close that I almost felt her breath on my face. God, I want to kiss her so bad right now. This was the perfect chance, but I couldn’t. I have a girlfriend. 

“Is it?” She whispered back. I felt my stomach start to flip, once again. It seems to do that a lot these days.

“Very,” I replied. Time seemed to move slowly, not that I minded. 

She stayed looking at me. 

If you keep looking at me like that I might go insane, I thought. Her phone began to ring.  I pulled myself from her eyes, stepping back from her and handing her the big, brown poetry book. She took it, also grabbing her phone from her back pocket. She turned it off, picking her phone back up in the safety of her jeans. 

“Who was that?” 

“My mom,” she replied. “We should probably get going now.” She walked past me, speedily walking to the front of the library to check out the books. I hope I didn’t freak her out or anything. I really hope I didn’t.

Y/n’s pov

Mom texted me a few times after I declined her call. She had asked where I was and when I was going to be home. I shut off my phone, placing it in my lap. The stack of books in the backseat of my car were almost to the top of the seat. Chris had helped me carry them to my car. 

Now, I was driving him home. He sat awkwardly in the passenger seat. I noticed he had fiddled his thumbs a few times. Something people do when they’re nervous.

“You okay?” I questioned him. I kept my gaze on the road ahead of me.

“Yeah, I’m fine.'' I glanced at him briefly. 

“Okay.. If I did something to upset you, you’d tell me right?” 

“You didn’t do anything, Y/n. I guess I’m just upset our little adventure is coming to an end.”

I giggled at his statement.

“Come on, silly. Don’t be upset over spilled milk. We can hang out another day if you want. I just need to get home to my mother. I need to make sure she’s doing alright. I hope you understand.”

He nodded his head knowingly towards me. We ended up not talking the rest of the ride to his house. The music playing from my speakers was barely noticeable, but it left a good atmosphere between us. 

Chris had told me every turn to take until it was the final one into his driveway. Chris had a nice, big house. One that his parents must have worked very hard for.

“Thank you for today, Y/n. I had fun.” He looked at me before grabbing his bag off the passenger floor. 

“Me too, Chris. Me too.”

He opened the door and before shutting it, he said, “Text me when you get home so I know you made it safe. And be careful, it’s late.”

It was now 9. We spent the whole evening together. A few hours at the cafe and library and about an hour drive to his house. 

“I will, have a good night, Chris.”

He smiled at me and shut the door. I waited for him to get to his front door before beginning to pull out of his driveway. Before I could though, I noticed him wave goodbye to me. I waved back, then headed home for the night.

–

When I got home, mom wasn’t there. She was probably at the bar again. I sighed and went to my room. I grabbed some clothes and went to my bathroom, getting ready for my shower. I picked up my phone off my bedside table and opened Chris’s messages. I sent him a quick text.

I’m home and I made it safely. Not even 10 seconds later, I heard my phone ding. 

Thank God. I was starting to think you got kidnapped or something. I smiled at his message. I walked into the bathroom once again, running the shower on warm water. That would have sucked, wouldn't it?

100%. Then who would I talk to in 3rd hour? Me, myself, and I? I don’t think so.

I put my phone down on the counter by my sink. I stripped out of my clothes before picking it back up. 

If I were you I’d love to talk to myself lol. I waited for a text back for a few minutes, but not one came. I’m going to take a shower. I’ll text you when I’m out.

I shut off my phone and stepped into the warm water. I needed this shower so bad. Today was very, very long. 

When I finished showering, I put on my clothes and grabbed my phone. I went to my bed, getting under the covers and shutting off my light. I checked my messages. He still hadn’t responded. 

It’s nothing, Y/n. Don’t get attached. Don’t wait for his messages. And definitely don’t be upset when he doesn’t text back. 

I wanted to send him another text message, but I didn’t want to seem desperate. I ended up sending him another one anyway. A simple, Goodnight, Chris. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. I internally cringed. Why did I send that?

I shut off my phone and flipped over onto my side. It was time to get some rest. I had work tomorrow and it was already 10. I shut my eyes but when I did, the memory of Chris leaning over me at the library replayed in my head. I thought about what could have happened if my mom hadn’t called me at that moment. What that would have led to. I ended up falling asleep thinking about that. 

[corviiids]

hi!! for the fic writing ask game please~ 🎀 and 🌅

thank you <3

🎀 how do you decide when something is done?

no joke it's usually when im too sick of looking at it to keep it any longer and that is a deliberate choice by me. my perfectionism is literally disabling so ive really been training myself to, like, once i hit a point with a work that i think of as 'saturation' where i realise im no longer making any meaningful changes to it and instead im just reading it over and over being dissatisfied, i just swallow the discomfort and force myself to put it out there. in this way the sharing becomes not even really the end goal, it's more like a tool i use to demarcate the end of a process that i know will only stretch into perpetuity and hurt me. im like, it's out there, to an extent it is finalised (i know i can edit it still but ykwim), it's done, i am both giving myself permission and forcing myself to stop turning it over now. the end. i will be at peace with my creation i have no choice

🌅 do you typically known the ending to something before you start writing it?

the short answer is no and the long answer is literally almost never. there have been some very rare occasions where i wrote something wanting to reach a particular point, but for the most part my writing experience is that a premise or even a single line flies directly into my skull and bounces around in there until i start fleshing it out. i tend to find my writing suffers or even just peters out if i try to outline... although this is something i am trying to get better at especially if i want to write more longform stuff for which structure is a lot more necessary... but for oneshots in particular i have recently been basically doing a thing (as part of my Writing For Fun, Remember Fun? campaign @ myself in my own brain) where i just start writing and just keep going and somewhere around the middle i conceive of what could potentially be an ending and then from that point i write towards it.

frankly even for longfic i rarely know the end. i started writing palacefic in 2019 and only really figured out how it was going to end like, last year or this year? that initial outline was super detailed for the first few chapters but it ended around what is now about chapter 7 or 8. i am really myopic when it comes to plotting. it's not that i didn't want to see the ending, i genuinely just can't see past a certain point. again this is something id like to get better at just for skill building because this is not an approach that would work for every project -- however i honestly do enjoy writing this way and i also like the work i have created this way... all my published death note fic for example is like this

fic asks <3

[lyrical-fics]

Can I request a fic inspired by kinda both I love you so (The Walters) OR/AND Francis Forever (mitski), Where the trailblazer has to leave Jarilo VI and Bronya or Seele or really any adult women are kinda sad Im asking for angst >:D

Feel free to ignore it if you don't vibe with this request! <3

I Miss You More Than Anything

Characters: Bronya, Seele, Serval

Song: Francis Forever

Synopsis: They knew you had to leave; you were a trailblazer, after all. However, they can’t just shake away the feeling of the feelings and memories the two of you shares together.

A/N: Yes, of course, anon!! I love Mitski very much, thank you for the request :D Also, a bit ooc Seele cause I have no idea how to write her, I’m so sorry. 😭 This is also probably a tad bit badly written, I’m using this to get out of my writer’s block and practically forced these words outta my brain 🥲

Serval

Serval knew of the consequences, she knew you would leave soon. After the incident that happened between her and the previous supreme guardian, she knew that she had to close off her heart. But here she was, in love with you; then you left. You left her and her heart that still ought to sing for you. But what can she do? You are a trailblazer, after all.

Serval didn’t cry when you left, knowing fully well what you do in your job as a trailblazer. But you can’t say she didn’t get hurt. She was hurt; so much to the point that as soon as she didn’t see your figure anymore, she ran to her workshop and cried the whole day; Gepard having to console her the whole duration of it.

She knows you wouldn’t come back and you couldn’t. So she faced the truth and tried to carry her life on normally.

Tried.

It’s 3am, she’s awake, looking at everything that reminded her of you. To the stuff that you left for her, unintentionally or not, to her very own workshop. You two spent a lot of time writing songs, talking and laughing together inside that building.

She wanted to sleep, but not when her mind is literally clouded by you. She needed something to pour all those thoughts out on. Now she’s writing a song about you again, only difference is— it’s no longer with you. She was used to this, composing music alone; until you arrived.

Oh, how she wishes she came with you instead and joined the trailblazers. But she couldn’t, she had a family here; a family that also loved her.

Serval’s stuck between her thoughts as she writes down lyrics for you. Lyrics you’ll never read. A song you’ll never hear. She can only chuckle softly as she feels her tears slowly drip down on the paper she’s writing on, writing one final lyric to finish the song for you.

“I’ve been trying to lay my head down, but I’m writing this at 3am.”

Bronya

Bronya wasn’t supposed to fall for you. She did her best to keep it all to herself, until you confessed your feelings for her. This was so wrong, she was aware you would leave that’s why she tried to avoid you. But how she wishes it didn’t end oh, so fast. Her mother dies by your hands, and you leave for another expedition. She should’ve expected it. So she’s left with a broken heart and a responsibility to shoulder.

She’s tired. So tired. Being the new supreme guardian gave her a lot of work to burden, more than she has ever handled before. Dark eye bags obviously appearing on her face. She hasn’t taken a rest in what, two days?

She didn’t cry when you left, that would destroy her reputation as the new supreme guardian, so she smiled softly and waved at you as she watched the train disappear.

Bronya would’ve finished her workload faster, if it weren’t for you lingering in her mind. They would have been by my side, encouraging me to finish this, she thought. They would have started helping me relax by now, she thought. Then she cried.

She didn’t need the whole world to know about what she has done for Jarilo-IV and the work she had to do. She needed your encouragement, your support, your praise. But you’re gone.

“I don’t need the world to see that I’ve been the best I can be, but I don’t think I can stand to be where you don’t see me.”

Seele

Seele was not worried a single bit when you left. You promised to return for her once you were done, after all. The first week of you leaving her was spent with numerous texts and calls with each other— until it stopped happening. She figured you were starting busy, so she waited. She waited, and waited, and waited. Numerous seasons passed by, but you never arrived.

Seele opens her phone and checks to see if there were any messages from you for the nth time that day, sighing as she sees an empty inbox. It’s been months since the two of you talked the last time, but she knows hopes you’d message her soon.

“Seele, don’t you think it’s time to move on? I don’t think she’s coming back sooner, she’s a trailblazer, remember that. They probably only said that to lessen your pain,” Oleg says, murmuring the last part, which didn’t go unnoticed by the girl.

“I’m working on it,” she replies blatantly, not even sparing him a glance.

“Look, Seele, if you don’t—”

“I’m going for a walk. Please don’t disturb me.”

She left with tears in her eyes. He was right. Maybe she should really think about moving on. You left and gave her empty promises, she should hate you.

And so, she gains a new goal. She straightens her back and continues walking around. Examining her surroundings, she notices that she ended up on a tree-lined path, the one that the two of you used to walk on. Looking up at the gaps of sunlight, she remembers your oh-so warm touch and smile.

Then she realizes.

“I miss you more than anything.”

[sporksaber]

While im on my naruto au bullshit, those genin exchange program fics, Id love to see one with a more political focus.

Ive seen a fair number of fics that go into the political power difference between sakura and the other genin in her year (usually its to find a watsonian answer from the doyalist perspective where sakura wasnt originally meant to be as important as a character). The general idea is that konoha's academy system sucks because it only really exists for clan kids to make connections and for the village to get canon fodder to keep the clan kids alive durring wartimes. The reason sakura is the only civilian is explained as she is literally the unlucky too competent (the most competent of the civilian borns who dont have any recources) canon fodder. Ive seen it used as character motivation and a tool to build team bonds as sakura realizes she's put there to drop out or die and panicks about it.

Anyway

The genin swap fics are something i see most often as a tool to allow rarepairs/crack ships. But because we dont see a lot of foreign shinobi who are genin, the character who goes to konoha is usually a really important person.

Applying the power difference idea, sakura is training in the foreign village and is told about the person she swapped with. She promptly freaks out and sees her life flash before her eyes because oh god, oh no, im not worth (this though popped up bc i just came across one using chojuro as her swap) a kekkai genkai/a sworsmen/a political figures kid. If they find out she's a nobody who was sent in place of a clan kid she and a lot of other people are going to die.

If i were to write it id have everyone already know, and there were either some other political reasons were the imbalance was done on purpose or the person who swapped with her wanted to go. But a genuine "my village set me up and now i have to learn to fake it or ill die," plotline would also be fun.

[star-on-a-beach]

Okay um. I really don't like doing this, like, ever

But

Tw for vent post, Bc idk, maybe it'll help if I talk about this where it'll be seen and not on a vent blog where I know no one sees it

So it's pretty obvious that pretty much everything right now is in kind of a shit state and I'm really at the end of my line trying to be optimistic about it. Presidential election, rp, guard, college, art, writing, all of this shit, even stuff I'm supposed to enjoy, makes me want to fucking shatter a rock because I don't want to do anything anymore other than scroll through social media on my phone which, I've probably developed an addiction, and of course that makes me feel even fucking worse bc I told myself I'd never get addicted and look at where I am now

So many things I'm unhappy with are really kind of tying back to me and I'm so angry at everything but especially myself now, but theres nothing I feel like I can do about it but try and break it all down I guess?

There's shit going on with color guard and, other than the friends I've made within it and the actual performances, I don't fucking enjoy it anymore because our coach is apparently super fucking shitty and a liar and unfair and argumentative and never sticks with the drill she writes and doesn't give us the resources to put it together correctly, WHEHN SHES LITERALLY OUR COACH AND THATS HER JOB, IVE TRIED SO HARD TO STAY KIND TO HER BUT WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME TALKING SHIT AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT A BAD PERSON SHE IS IM STARTING TO DO IT TOO AND I HATE IT

And then obviously there's the actual schoolwork that needs to get done, I thought I had not one, not two, but 3 FUCKING ESSAYS DUE ON THE 11TH, WHICH WERE ASSIGNED TO US ON WEDNESDAY, AND EACH HAD TO BE 700 WORDS LONG. Granted it doesn't actually have to be like that but teachers are talking about finals now and I'm going to have SO many essays for that and I have a whole debate too. I'm tired and sick of waking up at ridiculously different times for classes and not being able to have a goddamn nap bc I'm either working, procrastinating with the screens addiction again, or I don't have enough time because god knows I can't take power naps for SHIT, and I'm not fucking paying for coffee in this economy

I can't even relax how I normally want to because I'm so tired from everything, too. Writing big things for TAOCC or drawing feels like a chore, and then I feel obligated to draw others characters or I want to actually do so but I have no energy for it, and I can't get my art to look how I want it to perspective-wise, no matter how many tutorials I look at, and it never ends up the way I want and I haven't even finished TAOCCTOBER or Memoryquest, both of which I feel shitty for, because then they're both more things that I'm giving up on, and I give up on so much shit so easily unless I'm being pushed over and over and over and over, although rn I really wanna just say to hell with it and kill both of them entirely

And with taocc as a whole, I don't even know where to begin. I mentioned in my earlier post that I'm struggling to be assertive and actually say what I want with RP, which results in me feeling really unsatisfied with it a lot. I feel like people aren't interested in my characters and I need to be the one trying to build the characters' connections by asking questions, which. I love when other characters ask mine questions, because so much would be revealed if PEOPLE JUST ASKED. I know you guys don't mean it in this way but I feel like I'm trying to push all of this out, but I barely get anything back except for maybe one question or comment or smth, but it feels like the characters aren't interested in my characters' pasts, and that means the mods aren't either. Which, is really no fault of yours, whether you are or not, it's my fault because I can't bring myself to get off my high horse and actually say "hey, are you willing to have your characters ask about mine?" because I have the firm mentality of "if they wanted to, they would", and I'm trying to make other characters feel important while also craving mine to feel important, but the moment they do, I wonder if I'm taking the main-character roles too much and I need to even it out so I immediately divert the attention back to yours and feel shitty about it. Once again, this is no one's fault but mine, and this is partially why my relationship with my last rp partner, aka my ex bsf, ended, because I wasn't assertive enough and kept wondering if I was hogging the spotlight any time focus did switch to my characters which just isn't enjoyable for anyone. So I'm angry and terrified that these patterns which are repeating are going to lead to a similar outcome.

It isn't even just that though, I just really hate how I write as a whole rn. I used to be so poetic and good with words but now they read difficult unless I'm writing a great wall of text, and my characters aren't acting the way I want to, partially because I'm trying to morph them to get along more with other characters and diminish their flaws so they're liked by others, but it just takes away from who they were originally and I hate that as well. It's easy to get caught up in the heat of the rp but for fucks sake I expect myself to be a better writer than this.... and I haven't even gotten around to fixing the fucked-up-with-a-side-of-cheddar timelines, which have been NAGGING at my mind for FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG, but once again, I don't even want to do anything anymore and I get mad bc the only things I wanna do are just self indulgent shit and like hell I'm asking for that from anyone (see, that's part of the problem, right there.)

I think the only thing I hate more than not being assertive with rp is the fact that I'm an adult among you all. Yes, being 18 now while the majority of you are minors is a massive fucking deal to me, and I'm realizing why exactly adults generally avoid friendships like this, because I'm constantly worried about being a good example to you all. I have to have the good advice, I have to be available, I have to be good with assertiveness and boundaries, hell part of the reason I try and avoid venting so much is because you all do not fucking need to have that burden. Every time I do something like this post I immediately think "these are kids and I'm an adult, it's kids trying to help an adult who should not be saying this stuff or laying this burden on them", as if I'm some kind of weirdo. I really try my damndest to not be one of those adults who dumps all their problems on adolescents in order to feel better about their own shitty life, I don't want to be the adult who their younger friends are comforting all the time and have that burden on them (yes, I am completely aware this post contradicts that, and yes, I am very ashamed but I feel Im at rock bottom and you guys deserve to know (but don't deserve the burden of it)). I don't feel like the example I want to be to you guys, I'm incredibly dense, and half the time, I feel like an oblivious idiot for the simplest fucking things in rp even when no one says anything that implies any of you guys think that. I get so annoyed as well, and that's another part I especially hate, it's that I get annoyed with the smallest things so damn easily, whether it's someone saying something random in call and breaking silence, or someone talking about a subject after we've moved on, or a rant that's gone on for a really long time. All of those are ridiculous things to be annoyed by, and I'm completely aware of that. I'm not proud of it whatsoever. It might also be the weather, but I'm so, so, so annoyed by so many tiny, insignificant things nowadays that it's ridiculous, and I've snapped on call a few times which I feel horrible about. I'm trying so hard to be a good, strong role model for all of you, because that's what you deserve and I want to be like that for you. But, both here and in real life, my own idiocy and density and emotions make me feel like I'm never going to escape being a dense, emotional, spacy child who keeps trying to catch up. And as an adult, I'm really, really, really upset that I feel like this because once again, you guys are the minors, not me. I'm not saying you guys should feel like that (I really hope not, no one should feel like that), but it feels even worse since I'm trying to be the adult for you guys to look up to, but I'm looking up to all of you instead. And then, even worse, I get jealous. Not of the bad shit you guys go through, but like. Insignificant things. Art styles, friends, activities, actually having your family around. I really hate myself for being jealous of that and always comparing and trying to match it since it's completely hypocritical of me otherwise.

I'm closing up this vent, but tw for some darker themes in the next paragraph

I'm really just kind of sick of life as a whole. I'm done being an adult, to hell with this, just let me be the younger friend again so I don't have to see myself as an old baby. I'm tired of all of this and the dark jokes I make, they're horrible, but they're becoming more common and I think about the content of them a lot. I'm so tired of this shit and feeling like this and I'm mad and ashamed that I'm making this post because of everything I said above. I'm so done with everything. To hell with this country, to hell with my future, to hell with drawing and writing and trying to put stuff out. At the time of writing this I'm crying, because I'm really really missing my dad. I want to hug him and be with him. I want my family overall to be okay. I want to feel happy and content with myself and my life like back in summer. I'm so sorry for having to say all this but it's the truth and, again, this is my last resort for trying to feel better because hell knows I don't have the initiative to make an appointment and talk to a therapist on campus. Ik this will go away later but ffs i don't know if I can wait until later.

Ok, heavy vent part is over

I've said a lot so I'm ending it here. If you choose to ignore this, that's fine. I'd appreciate some kind of acknowlegement, tbh, whether it's a like or a comment or something, or just a kind word (whatever you do, please don't just put *hug* and leave it at that, hugs dont really feel like they have much more meaning at this point). It feels ridiculous to ask you for comfort especially after kinda dumping all of this here for you guys to see but I might as well try ig. Idk, I'm gonna just try and not delete this out of shame.

I hope you all know that I love you guys so, so, so, so much. This community has brought me so much joy and leaving is the last thing I'd ever dream of unless I had to. I hope you guys don't mind me doing this too much. Logically Ik you probably don't but, really, none of what I just vented about is based in logic regardless.

Thank you for reading, whether it was skimming or fully reading it. Kind words are appreciated but obviously not forced and I love you guys so much. Goodnight ❤️

[littleseasalt]

I'm so interested in the idea of q!jaiden and q!forever being parallels, ive never considered that much before! Would you mind elaborating on why you think that?? Especially cause im a big jaiden fan but i don't watch forever much!!

Oh, sure!

The main thing you need to get between q! forever and q!jaiden parallels is q!forever's reason for mistrusting q!jaiden. Basically the whole heated thing the fandom does between them and brings up every once in a while. And q!forever's reason has always been that he knew that if he was in q!jaiden's place, he would have done worse. Had it been Richas the one who died, q!forever knew he would be doing anything to have Richas back, or to avenge him somehow. And we do see he was true to his word when he got extremely angry and wanted to blow up the island and everyone. Forever mistrusted Jaiden (will be dropping the q! because honestly tiresome to type it out everytime on the cellphone) because he was projecting, he wouldn't trust himself if he was in her place.

Also a small note but something that I see people bring out often- Forever is the most motherly father of Richas. Like literally you could make a list of all the scenes where he acted exactly like a Brazilian mom would act.

Then we get to the happy pills arc, where Forever, drugged to a illusional state, sees a rock as his own son. He builds a secret place at his home, where he hides richarlystone for his drugged mind happy delusional state, gets a bunch of pictures of richas' family and puts up on the wall. Isn't it somewhat similar to jaiden's house at bobby fields?

Now, I personally don't like comparing much drugged forever to jaiden because. hey he was fucking drugged and not in the control of his mind, but I can't deny there is somewhat of a parallel here.

It gets more clear when Jaiden herself ends up seeing the house, and at first she gets weirded out, then proceeds to say something along the lines of understanding it and everyone grieves on a different way (I can't remember exactly her words sorry, can't really check her vod rn too), THEN, she finds a secret waystone on the place that is named "forevers weird place". Now compare that to Forever following Jaiden and Cucurucho to bobby fields and putting up a waystone "Jaiden secret house", finding the place filled with Bobby pictures weird, then proceeding to say he would do worse if he was at her place. Aren't those two situations extremely familiar?

Now, the reason I put the parallels as an answer is because of something I've seeing some people point out on twitter, although I personally don't agree with it fully.

Forever is happy that he got put on drugs by Cucurucho because otherwise he would have blown up the island. Despite how horrible being forcibly drugged was, he is somewhat glad that it happened. (now this is the part where I don't fully agree with what people are pointing out) Immediately after he woke up, Cucurucho goes and check on him, ask how he's been doing, ask if he needs more of the drugs. Yesterday, Cucurucho asked him again how he's doing, about his health. Cucurucho is somewhat being nice towards him. This would be similar to Cucurucho approaching a grieving Jaiden and manipulating her. So I've seen some people who are expecting Forever to end up more fed friendly today, like what happened to Jaiden. I personally don't fully agree with this analysis of Forever accepting that due to the friendliness being showed, but oh well.

I'm sure there's probably a lot more I could point out that I'm missing or forgetting- maybe other fellow Jaiden and Forever enjoyers could add on to this post, but currently I'm typing this while working on a college work to write with two friends, so sorry if something crucial slipped out of my mind LMAO. hope this post was somewhat helpful!

[sexymanxisuma]

not sure if this is something you can do but I thought I’d check here because you are The Xisuma Guy, could you list what you’d call the most notable personality traits / habits of xisuma and some common speech patterns of his? just for a characterisation thing I’m working on! no worries if not

first of all, i very much appreciate the complement ^-^ and hopefully i can be of some help ^-^

now i will preface this with the fact that i havent done much in way of writing xisuma so im mainly going off of what ive picked up in his videos/streams and in fics ive read that i think work really well ^-^

very important is that xisuma is a bit of a derp, he does silly things sometimes. he is very knowledgable in the game but sometimes he just does something very silly (see xisuma fully making a farm/smelter thing to make charcoal blocks just to realize that charcoal blocks are a modded thing) (also see xisuma getting way more obsidian than he would ever need, resulting in a double derp moment)

also very important to include some sassy coments or sarcastic comments in his dialogue. this can really be seen in some of the interations xisuma has with his chat during streams (a moment that immediatley comes to mind for me is the 'pearl's junk shop' moment)

i would definetly recommend watching some of his videos from the hermit x empires crossover or some HHH streams to get a good idea of his dynamic with other people. his episode where he spawned withers with cub etho and tango in the deep dark is also a good one for that ^-^

another trait i would include is that xisuma is very appreciative of the hermits builds/redstone machines. some great examples of this would be doc's TCG anvil cannon, beef's hermitcraft TCG, and pixlriff's copper aging machine

when talking xiusma does a lot of crouching and punching. and when he is listening to someone else he does a lot of crouching as well

i also found some posts that have common phrases and typing characteristics of xisuma in them ^-^

[narwhalandchill]

a bit more serious/negative note on childes characterization and fandom perception, saw a post where the tone upset me quite a bit

i did do a whole vent/rant/cathartic 2.4k words of writeup on this yesterday which like did help clear my thoughts a lot but in hindsight is way too long to just release by itself so i suppose ill just summarize my thinking now

so i would really appreciate it if a certain subset of childe fans reading his character a specific way (the trauma, identity crisis, dark abyss experiences, etc. - you know the one) could stop acting as if its this like. superior canon proven hoyo intended most real and intellectual way to look at his character and interpret his narrative. as opposed to just one reading of the canon material among others. and im sure most people are civil but ive seen this tone enough to just need to get this off my chest rn.

like im not "missing" something or being "tricked" (what?) by childe or the narrative. its not some naive ignorance about this reading being a thing and the ways people argue for it. ive read his lore. p much memorized it rly. and i simply did not find the arguments that compelling or feel that inserting this additional layer of subjective interpretation atop my understanding of the canon text did much to enhance childes narrative potential or characterization for me.

simply put. applying this super strict irl psychology logic (bc yes a real 14 yo going thru some irl version of ajax' backstory would get severe psychological disturbances as p much given. i know what the DSM-V is) to fantasy game characters isnt how i enjoy engaging with childe or any character really.

genshin is a fantasy game and fantasy as a genre has always readily sidestepped things like realistic psychological consequences of various heavy experiences in favor of building a compelling narrative whenever necessary. i dont find arguments relating to irl psychology particularly relevant at all on the subject really. if you enjoy this approach, go on, have fun! but please understand that its an interpretation that people can disagree without being "wrong" or failing some arbitrary reading comprehension test.

like the dismissive tone i see from people who simply cannot comprehend that like no, this take isnt some universal truth of hoyos that every person will glean from reading up on childes lore and appearances if theyre big brain and intellectual enough is just... really fucking rude? and alienating.

im not going to go on a like whole ramble on all the things that i personally see very much as hinting towards childes characterization going quite a different direction than this popular heavy self-doubt, psychological angle would suggest. its my interpretation after all, and could be proven wrong the way any interpretation can. but for now ive read his lore for years and looked into every single tidbit that involves him and so far hoyos writing of him hasnt given me any convinving case for changing my view drastically anytime soon. and id just like to be allowed to exist in this fandom space without being randomly jumpscared by posts alleging im reducing his character to this or that just bc i see his greatest narrative potential elsewhere.

theres enough insane shit and incredibly interesting lore relating to his overall role in the story and the cosmic scale of teyvat as a whole to be invested in already. like taking childes character as depicted to us and how in-game content characterizes him at a relative face value as opposed to seeking an implied internal struggle of sth hidden and repressed is me simply finding that take the most unique, fascinating, horrifying, compelling and exciting way to see him instead. thats what i love about him and his character. like im sorry, in my eyes the dark past corrupting innocence and trauma angle has just been done to death already in media. childe can have something actually different and breaking those tropes is what makes him stand out for me!

anyway. this whole situation is not sth i wanna start flaming ppl for or make into some drama, i try my best to stay on my lane and let ppl live even if i disagree w these sorta takes on childe. and i just wish for that grace to be extended towards myself too.

[iid-smile]

HIII SUNNY HOW R UUUU 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️ curiosity killed the cat so pls answer my qs ^.^

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? ( PLEASE TELL ME ITS THE SONF IID SMILE )

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

FAY !!! 🫂🫂🫂 this is literally like so perfect prepare for some yap 🤭 (foreshadowing how im gonna have to put a cut) (future sunny here yes i did put a cut yes i did talk a lot)

🕯️ — what editing are we referring to here? 🤔 if its writing editing i'll give it like a 6/10 because i skip over entire paragraphs to avoid cringing 😣 + my spelling is so bad its embarrassing. but like video editing? 1/10. i have suffered one too many times trying to figure out capcut and other apps like that.. i struggled for like an hour trying to put audio over a STILL IMAGE. wasnt a fun time......

🍄 — wowowowow theres so many to choose from um... ill go with hiori and rin because why not??? (i physically couldn't think of another one) i feel like rin is an absolute grandpa when it comes to all sorts of games (board games included, this guy doesnt know a thing about chess) and hiori would be so patient teaching him all of the right moves 💔 rin doesnt get any better but he puts in the effort. he probably has tried moving a pawn over half way across the board on the first move

🦷 — it's really not worth trying to peak in high school... big friend groups dont usually last after everyone separates so its better to keep in contact with those you trust the most. being popular or going to parties all the time really does nothing in life unless you build up those memories. trust me ive picked up some bad habits that ive only come clean from recently and ive found some much better friends (moots included 😘) even at my old age 😁 ok im only twenty but like little me wouldve never guessed i would be able to still make friends

🌿 — i actually dont have any... im a pro at procrastinating and random sparks of inspo so i just write whenever 😋 thats why series dont usually last for me because i have to continuously build on and write the same plot or idea over long periods of time. ig if you have a good idea, write it somewhere asap so you dont miss any key details or forget what it was completely (we lost cupid!rin over this). as for inspo i lovveeeee daydreaming and im literally just itching to be in a cutesy relationship so usually my works are based on that. i just think "what would this character do?" and a lil scenario pops up and i just roll with it? idek 😭

🍦 — No. jk we'll do it on mahito because i have a love hate relationship with him. first of all hes written like a true villain and seeing how everyone hate on him just means that he's done his job effectively 🙂‍↕️ chat hes kinda cute im not even gonna lie... in the few scenes where he actually looks pretty hes actually so fine?? WHO KEES MAKING HIM CROSS EYED AND GIVING HIM DORITOS FOR A NOSE? at least the fan art does him so much justice... I PROMISE U NOW if mahito wasnt given so many ugly scenes literally everybody would love him like sukuna. i stand by that.

🍅 — gosh my description needs a lot of work 😭 i dont understand how people can make their writing so abstract and creative while im stuck here using the basics. and some words and phrases that ive made up myself and are trademark mine if u get what i mean?? like you could read it and say "oh, sunny probably wrote this". and maybe expanding on emotions more to engage with the reader.

☁️ — YES IT IS BASED ON IDSMILE!! literally love that song sm!!! somewhere out there i believe i posted a video of me singing it when it first came out but it got like no views so i deleted it 🙄 my digital footprint is crazy

🧩 — overwhelmingly huge paragraphs are always a struggle for me. im very guilty for this rn but i have an excuse because this is just answering questions 😎 or even like not separating the speech and adding a space when different characters are talking because i just cant read it! like ive seen a fic that was literally a huge block of text throughout the entire thing (which was like 600 words) and i was just like "damn..." there was no way i was going to read without skipping over lines or getting them mixed up.