#ive cried every day since Friday of last week

[greenhousethree]

Good Enough

100-Word Drabbles for Arthur and Ginny Weasley

Fifteen drabbles written for @thethreebroomsticksfic Weasley Week, Oct 16th: Arthur Weasley. Read below or on AO3.

i.

“You’re joking.”

Molly chews back her smile, shakes her head coyly. The house isn’t quiet, per say, but in a rare stroke of luck the twins and Ronnie’s naps have aligned.

And he’s wedged around the bathroom sink with his wife, giggling like children over a potion that’s just changed color.

“A girl…”

The day she’s born, Fabian is there. Peers over the bassinet for so long, Arthur wonders if he too is counting ten perfect pink toes.

“Shit,” he says to Arthur over a cigar that night, after talking war, “this world will never be good enough for her.”

ii.

It’s his turn tonight, when they hear little feet across the kitchen floor. He’s not surprised it’s her, face still blotchy, hair sticking up everywhere from this afternoon’s tantrum that left her knackered.

She whips around in the pantry doorway, eyes like saucers. “I’m hungry.”

After leftover stew from her yellow paisley bowl, he lays in bed with her. Grants her request for a story on the condition she doesn’t suck her thumb.

“Once upon a time, there was a witch named Ginny who lived in a deep, dark wood…”

“No, Daddy,” she whispers, eyes nearly closed. “I’m a dragon.”

iii.

Molly tells him she cried the whole way home from King’s Cross. By early afternoon, he can still tell— the aftershocks seem to surprise her, those gasping little breaths. 

“You know the best part of being the last one left,” he divulges over homemade strawberry ice cream that has yet to do the trick, “is that no one’s here to fight you for your pick of broomstick.”

The rest of her bowl melts on the porch swing. She’s out until it gets dark in the orchard, comes in for supper with leaves in her hair and the biggest jack-o-lantern grin. 

iv.

The day they bring her back home, he carries her trunk upstairs and sits beside her on the bed. Apologizes for ever blaming her, even for a second. 

She counters by saying something lifeless and self-loathing and broken. Eleven-year-old fingers pick at bruised nail beds— tiny, perfect hands. He still can’t fathom it.

That night, Molly brings her dinner and doesn’t come back down. When he heads up to bed, he sees they’ve clearly emptied all her shelves, stacked every novel and journal and textbook outside her door where they can’t hurt her. 

He’s never been angrier in his life.

v.

Since this morning, he’s meant to tell her he’s sorry— sorry they couldn’t offer her anything better on her birthday than this condemnable house-turned-war room. Sorry for the second-hand leather satchel wrapped in faded Christmas paper, even though she wanted a broom; sorry everyone’s thoughts are on tomorrow’s hearing.

After dinner he finally says it, out of Molly’s earshot. Sitting on the stairs leading from the kitchen, plates of fudgy cake in hand. 

“Don’t apologize.” She’s still smiling huge, bumps his shoulder. The Flatulence Fez the twins crowned her with slips down over one eye. “I really love the bag.”

vi.

It should’ve been the day that made them proudest as parents, marrying off their firstborn. It wasn’t. 

This morning, they boxed up centerpieces and charger plates in the shed, repaired all the furniture, met with the Order. His ears still ring. The house is eerie without those three. 

He finds them in her room. His wife is clutching their daughter as she sobs harder than he’s ever seen, inconsolable, wracking herself hoarse. He feels it like a sword to the chest.

In bed later, Molly shakes her head with that look he earns sometimes when he’s being thick. “She’s heartbroken.”

vii.

Friday before Easter, he changes from work robes into something Muggle and tweed and itchy. Platform 9¾ is packed with people avoiding eye contact, and the Express is late. It was late in December, too— arrived without Luna. He waits, terror tightening his throat.

He’s numb with relief when he sees her, one of the only kids lugging a trunk like he advised. She’s swimming in a jumper he’s sure is Ron’s, and that twinges a bit. There’s something different, he notices, walking to the entrance. Colder. Quiet. He doesn’t ask… can’t quite bear to.

Four days later, they flee.

viii.

She’s fighting him. Kicking, clawing.

He holds on with everything he has, arms clasped around her chest, and it’s like he can feel her breaking inside. But if he lets go, he’ll lose her, too. Like Fred. 

Like the body they’re all staring at, lifeless at Hagrid’s feet.

Weeks later, when the Boy Who Lived finds him in the shed one night, hedging, guiltier than anyone he’s ever seen, he already knows. For a moment he considers letting the kid squirm, like the father ought to do.

But then he remembers her first year, and wordlessly hands over a screwdriver. 

ix.

“One more,” she tells their waitress, pointing at a coaster she’s put in the middle. “For my sixth brother.”

The table falls quiet. But then George chuckles and they all take his cue, except Molly.

Snow collects on the windows as the bangers and pies and chips are served. She laments early-morning practices to them all, pretends she’s already bored of all the travel.

“Knock it off,” Charlie snickers, grinning. “Rookies can’t complain. We know you’re having a blast.”

At the end of the night she beats everyone to the bar, pays their tab. Arthur suspects it’s her whole paycheck.

x.

“I definitely saw you cry,” she accuses. She’s graceful even in smugness, grinning something wicked over her lipstick-stained champagne flute.

He pretends to grumble, but he knows she knows. “Hard not to, with the bloody groom getting all choked up.”

The band calls them up soon after, and he pulls her close. “It’s okay,” she murmurs as her face starts to blur again, inches away. “Just admit you’ve gone soft, Dad. I won’t tell.” He tugs on her hand to spin her, chuckling.

They cut cake, and Harry whispers something that makes her laugh, and she lights up the room.

xi.

Predictably, the stadium loses it when she flies out with a new surname on her kit. Ron rolls his eyes as she lands on the pitch with a bit of swagger.

She flies well today, but he reckons she could miss every shot and the commentators would still talk of nothing else. In the stands, Harry laughs when Arthur leans over to ask how it feels to play second fiddle. 

“I’ll never be good enough for her,” he snorts over the rim of his pint. “But I’m sure you knew that.”

She scores twelve goals, and the Harpies clinch playoffs.

xii.

“I’d kill for a drink about now,” she mutters, leaning against the railing. He knows better than to say she probably shouldn’t be out here, either— the venue’s porch, serving as refuge for men who normally never smoke.

He takes a long drag as they watch her boys toddle after their dad on the lawn. “Nearly there, sweetheart.” Treading lightly with his words, lest he incur any of what Muriel’s other well-intended mourners did with their attempts at small talk (“Like a fucking whale, thanks for asking”).

“Hey,” she smirks, “maybe you and Mum can buy a beach cottage now.”

xiii.

The mug Molly poured when they arrived is tepid now, sitting on the table. Shadows lengthen like ghosts beneath his daughter’s eyes; he suspects they’re five days old.

The kids are all asleep, Molly updates them.

Her jaw tightens. At her temple, he notices a couple of gray strands. “I can’t—” she whispers. Squeezes her eyes shut; nothing else comes out. “They need their dad. I’m not good enough on my own.”

“He’ll come home safe, darling. Always does.” And he makes her promise to never say that again. 

He takes both of her hands in his, and they’re cold.

xiv.

They’re celebrating Ted and Vic beneath a canopy of fairy lights. Bill’s weepy toast prompts Fleur to frisk his brothers till she finds George’s flask.

She never realizes Ginny’s stowing the bottle. 

His children outlast their kids and spouses. It’s one of those nights he can’t let himself miss, tired as he is. 

His daughter points a wobbly finger. “Lils has a boyfriend, by the way. Doesn’t think we know. Harry’s going spare.”

He chuckles. “Now he gets it. Imagine trying to justify hating the Chosen One.”

She laughs, nearly tips her chair. “You should tell him that. Might help.”

xv.

It comes in waves. Feels like a lifetime has passed since yesterday; another before that. Molly— bless her— tried to prepare him for it. Tried to comfort him. Imagine.

It feels too big now, their little house on the beach. Perfect for two lives, cavernous with just one. 

She finds him in the garden before sunset. Small, warm hands enclose his. 

“Look, Dad.” 

It’s a delicate, fluttering thing with blue wings, bobbing on the wind. Molly’s favorite. 

“She’s found us again.”

He smiles and tucks a silver lock behind her ear, meeting her gaze— precisely the same shade of brown.

[matttsbaby]

Little again | M.S.

warnings: crying, fluff, not proofread

2006-2009 were the best years of my life. those three years consisted of the best childhood memories i could ever ask for. i miss it. i miss them.

about 8 years ago, me and matt had separated because mom said we were moving back home to new jersey, so we had to leave matt and his brothers behind. i couldn’t stop crying. i cried for days, sobbing matt’s name and wishing i was still with him. i was only 13, and my mom had separated me from my best friend.

now’s it 2024, it’s been 8 years since ive seen matt and his brothers. we kept in contact, but it has never been the same as being with each other in real life. i remember in 2016, that last day we had together we spent crying, hugging each other and acting as if we’d never see each other again. i hoped that was never true. thankfully, it wasn’t. in about a month, i’ll be seeing matt again. finally reuniting with my childhood best friend that i grew up with for the first 13 years of my life.

A week later.

i have about one more week until i fly back to boston to see the boys. i love all three equally, but ive always been more close with matt out of all three. words can’t explain my excitement. my heart races every time i think about it. what if it’s awkward? or, it could go perfectly fine, and we’ll be happy again. the possibilities are endless. it’s fine. i’m just overthinking again.

…

i’m starting to pack now. i only have three days until i fly back to boston. i miss him. i’m ready to see my bestfriend again. these last few days have been torture. knowing that i’ll see matt again in just a few days, it’s like life is teasing me. it’s went by so slow, but now it’s here.

5:32am, Friday

it’s so early. i hate waking up early, but im only doing this so i can see matt. spend the whole day with him catching up and revisiting the places we always went to as a kid. thankfully the flight is only about an hour long, so i won’t have to wait long until i see them. matt says he woke up early so he could drive to the airport and meet me there when i get off my flight.

6:25am

i just boarded my flight. i’m so nervous, but so excited. like i said before, the flight is only about an hour, so i won’t have to worry or panic about anything. ding— matt texted me. he said he’s on the way to the boston international airport.

…

we took off about 45 minutes ago. i’m just about 30 minutes away from seeing matt, and i couldn’t be more excited. our plane landed and we’re getting off. 5 minutes. i grab my bags from the overhead compartment and i go inside the airport to collect my suitcase. i take a deep breath in. wow. how is it possible that an airport can smell nostalgic? it all hits me at once. i’m about to see matt for the first time in 8 years. 8 years, i repeat that in my head multiple times, still in shock, and before i know it, im walking through the giant hallways of the airport, trying to locate matt.

i’m lost in thought. excited, but nervous. i’m scrolling on my phone as i walk, my suitcase rolling on its wheels by my side. crash. i bumped into someone. “i’m so sorry,” im quick to speak, standing up form the carpeted floor. i look up at the person who i bumped into and, matt. the matt sturniolo.

“N/n?” he asks quietly, tears brimming in his waterline. “M-matty?” i throw off my headphones and drop my bags, tears streaming down my cheeks unknowingly. i throw myself into his arms and he grabs me, hugging me oh so tightly.

“i missed you so much, n/n,” matt murmurs into my hair, tears streaming down his cheeks. i pull back to look at him, my eyes searching his face. he’s grown so much. he has stubble on his cheeks, and his hair is parting in the middle naturally. “you grew up,” i whisper. “yeah, you too,” he says, sniffling. “take me home please.” i plead quietly, matt nods and takes me out of the airport and to the same van we used to ride in years ago.

a/n — i really like this and i’m gonna make a port two when i get the time😛 if ur reading this thank you for reading allat. i know im not the best.

thank you 🤍

[rk-ceres]

Neglected PT.2

George Weasley x reader

George makes an effort to fix things between you two

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It was now late in the day you havent moved Ron and George busied themselves making reservations setting up the bedroom and planning he glanced up to the clock and sighed out 2pm. “thanks for your help today Ron” George sighed out obviously still having an off day “anything for you George. Wish Y/n a happy birthday for me” he gave George a smile hurt hit him square in the gut he quickly shooed Ron out of the house finishing the rest of the house and made dinner, once the clock hit 5:30 he washed the rest of the dishes and rushed back to the guest room where you havent left all day he softly knocked on the door “Love?” He called out opening the Guest bedroom seeing you still in tears “ive got a surprise for you” he whispered “can we talk baby? Can we try and fix this? I was wrong” he sighed out walking into the room “im so sorry” he whispered “i dont want to talk to you. Im hurt, and I am so angry at you…but mostly hurt and I dont know how we can fix this you really hurt me last night and i need time” you said turning to the wall “I know Y/n, you don’t need to talk to me yet. just listen” he sighed out “i dont have an excuse. Im so sorry i forgot, but it stops today.” He walks around the bed to where you was laying crouching to meet your eyes “Everything it stops ive made arrangements and youve got me. We’ll work on us. Ive given us a week. things just got away from me. I want to make this right, and i want you to know that i took off the rest of the week and part of next, tomorrow at seven in the morning i drop you off at madame cordelia’s spa, youve got an all day session shes going to do your hair and make up im getting your nails and toes done, seaweed wrap and mud bath. Massages and steam rooms. your outfit is in the closet for the evening, we’ve got reservations at six for the new restaurant on fifth, the one youve been talking non stop about after that we’re going to see the new Keanu Reeves movie first showing. Thursday is going to be us going to the arcade, icecream shop in muggle london and a fairy boat ride, Friday is me taking you to the carnival. We’ll ride the ferris wheel and we’ll play all the games i’ll let you beat me in bumpercars too, Saturday we’ll be in Paris, i booked us a hotel there til Tuesday morning. We’ll explore France and it’ll be just me and you, ive got everything planned i packed your suitcase with everything youll need for our week baby. if i didnt muck this up too badly. Please come back to our room. Im really, really sorry Y/n/n. I know that ive been neglecting you and your needs and youve been taking care of me making my lunches waking me up with kisses keeping our house clean bringing me dinners and loving me when i havent been treating you the best.” “You havent” you cried harder “it feels like youve checked out and didnt want to tell me youre breaking up with me. You forgot my birthday. I know youre busy and I love that youre living your dream and that you take care of the both of us but im important too one night was all I wanted and you yelled at me. Seven months of me supporting you every way I know how to support you and I get yelled at” “I know love and im so sorry i didnt mean to forget” he whispered cupping your cheek

k “im not asking this to hurt you im not trying to start a fight but you got defensive and i need to know. I’m are you seeing somebody else?” Your voice broke his eye’s dropped “no. Love. Its just been work. Theres no one else for me. Its just you.” He cupped your face in his hands “trust me. Its just you baby” he cooed softer “today? All i wanted? Was you to notice me. I just wanted you to spend time with me just flirting and harmless fun. i wanted you to touch me. Its been seven months since we’ve had sex since youve touched me. am i not enough anymore? am i not pretty enough? did i let myself go after hogwarts? Am i not what you want or is it just you being busy because i cant do this anymore i cant keep feeling like im being replaced” you cried more “i can live with” you hiccuped “i can live with being a part time lover but its killing me George” you cried “you not being here? Its killing me” tears made its way down his face while letting your words sink in “im sorry, youre not a part time lover. I want you Y/n/n just you. Youre it for me” he wiped your tears away tears in his own “its just work i swear. ‘Ve hired an accountant and another person to run the shop while we have our week. Then i have to go back and train. But i’ll be home with you. Every day at five.” He pointed to the ground “every day at five i’ll be home and in your arms telling you how much i love and need you, I’ll have weekends off.. and Saturday will be our day. I promise you” he looked into your eyes filled with hope as he brushed the tears from your face “am i still the one? Are you still going to marry me one day?” You asked softly insecurity written all over your face George’s eyes softened as you leaned more into George’s touch he smiled at you “yes baby.. youre still my only one. im sorry for yelling at you. Im sorry for not making the time before it was too late, im sorry for being an idiot, im sorry for making you feel like you arent enough… is it okay for me to show you how i feel? Let me make it up to you?” He asked looking into your eyes “are you finally going to make love to me?” You asked tears still streaming down your face again “not in here. But yes. We can have sex tonight. Just not in our guest bedroom love. If we’re having sex. Its going to be in our shared bedroom” He said straightening out his back as you sat up “im sorry i yelled at you. I shouldnt have yelled back” you looked back “we can talk about that after” he said handing you a small package Ron picked up for him on his way here to set up “put this on love” he smiled softly as you sat up “give me ten minutes.. then come to the dining room.” He said still looking at you you nodded to him biting your lip you opened the package and gasped he had bought you the dress that you pointed out at already Boux’s it was a 1300 galleon dress that you dreamed of wearing it was a 1920’s style red dress with a slit that came up to mid thigh you smiled and put it on he had bought the matching make up palette and accessories for you

you slipped on the gloves and finished the red lipstick walking out into the dining room, he had transfigured a wall into a big movie screen smiling when he saw you “you look exquisite love” “not so bad yourself handsome” you ran your hands over his black suit “thank you..” You say softly “this isnt a fraction of what I have planned. I spent all night last night working on it, Happy Birthday my love… youre the best thing thats ever happened to me and im sorry that i dont show it enough. If you left i wouldnt know what to do or how to breathe without you” he smiled “i heard you.. talking to Hermione… I was outside the door. I came back to check on you, and i did talk to your brother. We went out and got coffee at that new Cafe. It didnt make things worse. Ive worked things out with Harry, and he was really kind, and threatening. But its all worked out and better. He actually helped with the reservations and called in a few favors for our Paris vacation. Gabby’s picking us up from the airport and to our hotel.” “He didnt seek you out did he?” You asked softly “no baby. I called him.” George said looking into your eyes “im so sorry baby, id notice… i noticed your face when i yelled at you.” He sighed out “thatll never happen again. Ever. I didnt like it. I didnt like any part of it it made me feel like shit, youre not my annoying clingy girlfriend Y/n/n. Youre my everything darling i love you even if ive done a crappy job at showing you. Please dont leave me… please i can change ive already changed some things i really do want to fix us, im serious about you and i want you too feel that i am too and i do want to spend time with you on your birthday. I made your favorite” he pulled out her chair and played the movie “im not leaving. Im sorry” you looked down “i thought that i was alone and needed to get it out” tears started to come your eyes “No baby this is my fault and my fault alone you dont apologize” he cupped her cheek “thank you… for making dinner” you said softly “its the least i can do, baby. Id like to talk more about what was said during our fight. But i want to be clear that im not mad at you, im not mad that we fought, my anger and outburst wasnt because of you, it was because i had a really tough day, and i took it out on you. It was wrong and i shouldnt have done that. Is that okay if we talk about this? Theres three major things i want to revisit if possible” He asked looking into your eyes as he dished out the food you gave him a slight nod “i.. i dont know where to start to be honest with you. So im just going to dive in with what you accused me of. It was definitely warranted and i dont blame you for thinking it. I didnt realize how little ive been home, and how it could look like ive been entertaining another woman” he cleared his throat “id never, ever, ever. Do that to you baby. Theres no one else other than you Y/n. Youre the only one i’ll ever want and need” “im sorry that i jumped to conclusions i…. I was insecure” you said softly his mouth pulled into a straight line

“no baby. Dont do that. Dont apologize. Your feelings were and are valid. I wasnt home. You didnt know where i was. I havent reassured you or anything like that, you accusing me like that you werent yelling. Your voice wasnt angry when you asked about it and i wasnt hearing you. You communicated right. You calmed yourself down calmly asked me a question and i got defensive and i could see where you’d think i was hiding something baby. Im not hiding anything from you. You told me what was an honest fear. It wasnt you being insecure i hadnt been home. Which brings me to my next point on this topic youre right. Ive not touched you… or said i loved you since the baby got here and it wasnt because i was punishing you. It was because i… i thought that i could handle this myself. Both branches of triple W and keeping up with the paperwork. The products. But as things progressed it…. It got out of hand if it were you i wouldve done worse than just asking a simple question you were communicating how you felt and your fears and i wasn’t listen ing how i should have been. I was fighting when i should have been comforting and open to talking about it” he sighed taking a bite of food “i believe you. I believe that you werent you last night and you arent seeing anyone else.” You said softly “i just want you to make a point to love me the right way i know things have been tough on you and im trying but” “but you’re neglected and im an arse” he joked you both smiled at each other. “next most important thing i want to discuss is i want to address what i said about money. its not just my money. My success. My empire baby its ours. I shouldnt have thrown that in your face that i make more. It was below the belt and im sorry.” He sighed “ive only ever wanted to share my life with you. Since that day my mum helped you and Harry into that platform i knew that you’d be my entire life. And everything that was and is mine would be yours too” he looked up into your eyes “ive only ever saw the money as ours George. All of this is ours.” You smiled at him taking his hand in yours he chuckled “i know you didnt mean it. Because i know you George Weasley.” “howd i get so lucky?” He asked “I also do. I remember, and see it all. Everything that you gave up for our relationship and us but most of all what you gave up for me..” He spoke again after a few moments of silence “everything that you’ve sacrificed for me since the war, the… the wall that almost took you and Fred…” tears sprung to his eyes as he talked he quickly wiped them away “im sorry. That you had to sacrifice it.” He said you looked up from your food “you sacrificed a lot for me too, you rescued me and Harry second year, you fell out of the car breaking my fall when Vernon pulled me out you bruised three ribs and a broken arm for me…. You stayed up all night studying with me you do just as much for me as i do for you dont apologize for that, you dont have to apologize anymore George; i forgive you, and we can work on us. I dont want to leave” you said softly “third most important thing i want to tell you is that im still the George that promised you a wedding and kids if you want them Y/n/n. I want to marry you, i want you to know that i do have something planned so its coming okay? You dont have to worry about where you stand with me. In my heart. Cause of one fight. Im here. Your George is still here. Even if he was being a prat. Ive planned your proposal and its coming okay baby? Its coming.” George finished his meal “anything else you want to talk about before we kiss and make up?” He asked “i…. I want to say that im sorry even if you dont want me too. I was wrong for yelling. I didnt like it. And I think that when we get to that point again we should take a break and come back to talk when we can rationalize better” you looked down “i think thats a great idea, we okay now?” He asked you softly “we’re okay” you breathed out “i want to have sex… is that still on the table tonight or are we waiting til we work this out more?” You asked softly

“baby. We’ve worked it all out. We talked through everything. Its better now isnt it?” He asked with brows furrowed in confusion you nodded your head “yes. We can have sex tonight. Im ready for that if you are” he offered a small smile the movie was done he stood up flicked his wand the dishes clean themselves pulling her waist closer to him he led you into the bedroom he stopped in front of the door letting you open it “go get in the tub” he whispered in your ear his fingers dragging down your zipper you turned the handle and pushed open the door your eyes widened the entire bedroom was covered in red roses teddy bears rose petals the room was lit by enchanted candles hanging from every corner of the room George brought his nose to the crook of your neck “the bath is ready for us” he said pushing the dress off your shoulders dropping it to the ground his fingers digging into your hips spinning you to face him noses close together and for the first time tonight. George kissed you sweetly bringing his hands up to unclip your bra your hands slowly undid his tie and worked on the buttons of his shirt and trousers you took your own knickers off “lets go take our bath” he whispered into your lips “please master i need you” you whispered

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Next part contains smut

[mydetheturk]

it has been something like. eight or so hours. and i am still trying to figure out how the fuck my eye doctor lost my glasses frames???

like. ive been going to the same eye doctor every year for the last like, six years or something like that. they have never once fucked up this badly.

timeline of events, from my pov under the cut because it got way longer than i thought it would when i first started this.

i go to the eye doctor, having set up an appointment like normal (late because its been a weird summer)

everything goes well until the very end, at which point the computer crashes and loses the data.

annoying, but its fine, i just have to go back in the next day and do it all over again on a saturday while they're busy.

go in again the next day. they're busy as hell, so i am there significantly longer than planned, because i'd set up for a late timeslot on friday for a reason (nobody wants to go to the eye doctor at 6:15 on a friday. trust me. it's great its so dead then.)

go through everything over again, i get a huge discount because i had to go through the inconvenience of coming back to the eye doctor. this is the best news, actually, because i hadn't totally been sold on getting new glasses, but i needed them because my old pair literally make my migraines worse.

the first indication that something was wrong was the fact that they didn't have any trial pairs of the contacts i wear.

This would not cross my mind until i picked up the new contacts a week later when they came in.

I try the contacts. Nothing is properly in focus, and i just think to myself, "oh its just cause i have a new scrip, it's fine, I'll get used to them."

i did not, in fact, get used to them.

About a week later, when my glasses come in, i make a mention to the guy fitting them that the contacts don't seem to be right. he tells me i've got plenty of time to bring them back in, they've got policies for stuff like "wrong prescription"

y'all i went to a friend's house on the other side of town two days later and came home via the bypass in the dark and i couldn't read the highway signs.

that's how badly they fucked this up.

i give it to the end of the week to be sure. End of the first pair of contacts, since i wear biweekly ones.

i go in on friday like "hey. this does not work, when can you get me in?"

and the lady at the front desk was like "well we've got a slot open right now if you've got time"

"nope, i only have until the end of the hour because I'm on lunch from work and i don't have either the contacts or the glasses with me right now. got anything for after (time i got off work that day)?"

"the doctor leaves at (time i got off work), will one of these slots tomorrow work?"

set up the appointment for the next day; i've got my glasses and my contacts and the eye doctor put me through a series of eye tests i'd never actually done before, which was kind of cool.

he was like "if you could shift your bangs back that'd be great, actually, i can't tell if you're squinting or not."

and i was like "well i'm doing my best not to but no problem."

appointment went fantastic, he even had trial contacts for me to put in. i almost cried the difference was so stark between the old scrip and the new one. (turns out the old scrip was just off enough it was giving me low-level headaches constantly. fun! not.)

so i leave the old contacts and the glasses with them to get the lenses replaced and for my new contacts to be ordered. (i looked at the eye chart they sent home with me cause i wanted to see the difference in the prescriptions. there should not be a discrepancy of over a whole number between the two. per eye.)

i picked up the contacts last week.

and now.

today.

this morning, i get two (2) texts saying my orders are in and ready to be picked up. sweet, i think to myself. i'll go pick them up later, get myself a treat while i'm out. grab something for dinner, etc.

i get there and its dead because its been raining all day. fantastic! it shouldn't take long.

i go in.

they're dead.

i let them know i'm here to pick up my order.

here comes today's first confusion: the guy at the desk is having trouble finding my order. which. okay. not a problem (yet).

so i sit and wait and fiddle around on my phone for several minutes while the guy hunts for my glasses.

I am slowly growing more and more confused.

another guy starts helping him out.

the first guy finds a couple of doctor-style ziplock bags and asks me if i have my frames with me.

"Nnnnno. I left them with you guys two weeks ago. I was assuming when I came in, my frames would have new lenses."

I am very confused now.

the gentlemen go on the hunt for my frames.

several more minutes go by, and i am increasingly incredulous and more confused.

i think to myself "did they lose my fucking frames????"

the first guy is sent to the racks of frames to grab a pair of frames that look almost, but not quite, like one of the frames i left with them. blue instead of brown.

the guy goes back in with the frames and i am fully invested.

because.

it sure as hell looks like they lost my fucking frames.

y'all.

they lost my fucking frames.

they got ahold of the lady who's been so helpful basically every time i've seen her and they let me know the situation.

tomorrow, she's going to look into the situation for me. see if she can't find my frames, and if she can't, replace them. gonna call and let me know tomorrow what the deal is.

they offered to give me the blue frames until they could find the frames i'd gotten originally - from THERE, mind you - and i was like

"i don't need the glasses to see. i wear contacts most of the time. my glasses are backups."

so i wasted a solid 45 minutes at the eye doctor today and i'm sure i'll still have to go in tomorrow to talk to someone because they mentioned potentially having to re-order the glasses frames from another store if they couldn't find my glasses.

this was at like. 2:45 this afternoon.

i'm still just like how in the hell did you lose them????

spoke to my roommates earlier about it and they were BOTH like "you are having a shit time with your eyes this year huh?"

and its just like

YEAH. YEAH I AM, ACTUALLY. CAN I GET OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER NOW

just.

crhist alive

[iliveinprocrasti-nation]

yknow those study days when the question of crying isn’t an “if” it’s a “when”

[maybe-sabaton-things]

@stxrlx tagged me to make an aesthetic based off of my personality :^) Basically, you take pictures from only your gallery (no downloading beforehand, either) and you put them into an aesthetic collage describing your personality. I tag @cheerismilesmostofthetime, @flyinghetfield, @asylumsammet and whoever else wants to

[let-me-luve-you]

Cancer Battle

Tom Holland x Sister (with the whole Holland clan)

Summary: The reader is diagnosed with cancer, but decides to keep it from her brothers. 

Warnings: angst, cancer treatment, cancer diagnosis, brothers being rude, somewhat of a fluff ending

A/N: I did research on this. I hope I did the correct research. So I apologize if I’m wrong.

MASTERLIST

This has been the toughest two months of your life. Right when you were due to go over to America with your brothers to visit Tom, you noticed swelling in your neck. So did your mum. She set you up a doctors appointment, and two days later, you found out you had Hodgkin Lymphoma.

After talking with your doctor, you found you were in the early stages. It was still treatable and your chances of beating the cancer were very high. That helped you relax a little, but you were still in shock at hearing the words, “you have cancer.”

You wanted to start treatment right away so you told your brothers to go without you. They weren’t happy with you since you wouldn’t give them the real reason as to why you were staying behind. Every Wednesday morning for the next month, you would go with your mum or dad to the doctors office to do your antibody therapy treatment. You really didn’t want to do chemo or radiation unless it got worse, so you decided this was the next best option.

After four weeks of treatment, all of your brothers came home. Tom was disappointed you didn’t come see him, but he knew you probably had a good reason. He decided to come over to your parents house to hangout with you today. Except today wasn’t a good day. You were sick due to the side effects of the treatment. To those who didn’t know about your treatment, they would just think you had the flu. So when you walked back into your room from the bathroom, you groaned when you saw Tom sitting on the end of your bed.

“Good to see you too, Y/N.” Tom said with an eye roll.

“Hi Tom. Sorry. You might want to leave, I’m sick.” You said trying to keep your distance but you were wanting to lie down so bad.

“Mum told me. Can I get you anything?” He asked sweetly.

“I’m okay for now. Dad went to the store this morning.” You replied and motioned with your finger for him to move. He understood and moved toward your door as you went to lie down. You sighed, content when your body hit the mattress.

“I’m going to go downstairs. Text me if you need anything.” You smiled at him. “Get better soon.”

The next few days, you started feeling better. This is how it was every week. Stuck in bed on Thursday and Friday. Moving around more on Saturday and fully back to your normal self on Sunday. Then you would repeat the process again.

This Wednesday though, you weren’t feeling good. It felt like you couldn’t catch your breath. You had a fever and you could tell you had lost at least twenty pounds since your diagnosis. You got up earlier than normal to talk to your mum. When you walked into the living room, you found all four brothers.

“Hey Y/N. You okay?” Sam asked.

Ignoring his question, you looked around the room. “Where’s mum and dad?”

“Dad has a meeting at ten and mum ran to the store really quick. Said she would be back soon.” Paddy said not looking up from his phone. You nodded and turned to go back to your room to lay down until you had to go to your appointment.

“It’s a good thing you're up though. I have a press tour coming up and we are going to Bali. The three of them are going and I wanted to see if you wanted to come. You didn’t get to go last time so I thought you would enjoy it.” Tom said.

“I would but uh..” You looked around trying to think of an excuse as to why you can’t go. “I’m still getting over this sickness. Wouldn’t be good for me to go.”

“Well good thing it isn’t until next month then.” Harry said with a laugh before he turned serious. “Why are you always bailing on us? You missed the last Bali trip. You skipped last minute to go to America. Now you’re trying to get out of going to Bali again. What’s up with that?”

“I just have a lot going on. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t.” You said.

“Harry has a point though Y/N. It’s like you don’t like us or something. You never go out with us when we are in town either and you won’t let us post photos of you.” Paddy said.

You stood shocked. You didn’t know how to respond, but it didn’t matter since it didn’t seem that your brothers were done.

“Can you tell us if we did something to you so we can fix it?” Tom said trying to be the nice brother like always.

“Come on mate. We didn’t do anything and she knows it. She just hates us.” Harry said with a snarl.

“Must be embarrassed by us. I don’t know why. People love us.” Paddy said. Sam agreed with Paddy and Harry. Tom just didn’t know what to do so he just stayed quiet. He wasn’t trying to make you feel bad, but he did feel rejected by you lately.

“I love you guys and I would never be embarrassed of you. I just have a lot going on.” You said. You were getting worked up and it was making it harder to breathe. You turned and started to leave the room. “Tell mum to come to my room when she gets home.” You started to walk up the stairs and ignored the hateful comments your brothers were whispering about you.

An hour later. Your mum came into the room and saw you laying there asleep. She went to push your hair out of your face and felt how hot you were. She immediately started to panic and tried to wake you up. Thankfully you opened your eyes halfway and saw your mum.

“Mum, somethings not right. I don’t feel good.” You whispered.

“Get up honey. We are going to the doctor.” Nikki said in a rush. She went to help you stand when you fell on the ground. Nikki was worried because you couldn’t hold yourself up. “DOM!” She yelled. “DOM HURRY UP! COME HERE!”

Tom thought he heard his mum call for him and he heard the worry in her voice so he sprinted to where he heard her trying to talk to Y/N. He was shocked when he saw you on the floor.

“Tom I need your help. We have to get her to the hospital now. Help me get her to the car.” Nikki said. Tom stayed staring at your almost lifeless body “TOM!” Nikki snapped to get his attention. Tom immediately went into protective brother mode and ran to you and easily picked you up bridal style and carried you down to Nikki’s car. He laid you in the backseat and then he joined you by putting your head into his lap. Nikki ran to the driver's seat and rushed to the hospital.

“Mum, what’s wrong with her?” He asked.

“I’m not sure.” Nikki answered honestly. If it hadn't been for the swollen glands, Nikki would have thought you were healthy as a horse. Now with the treatments, it always pained her to see her only daughter struggling with the illness. Once they got to the emergency room, Nikki started telling the ER doctor everything. Tom paled when he heard the word cancer. He looked up at his mum to see if what she said was true. When the doctors took you in the back to run test, Nikki finally turned to her oldest and saw him shaking.

“Cancer?” He whispered. If Nikki hadn’t been standing so close, she wouldn’t have heard him. She gently wrapped an arm around Tom and guided him to sit in a chair. Tom stayed latched to his mum as he cried for his little sister. “Wha- how- when? When did she find out?” Tom asked many minutes later once he stopped crying.

“Before the America trip.” Nikki said. “She’s been doing treatments once a week since. The treatments make her sick. That’s why you found her like she was last Thursday.”

“I had no idea.” Tom said more to himself. “That’s why she didn’t want to go to Bali.”

“Yeah. She wants to stay home until the cancer’s gone. She has a high survival rate, Tom. She didn’t want any of you to worry. That’s why she didn’t tell you.”

As Tom went to say something a doctor interrupted. “Mrs. Holland, Y/N is in a room now. You can go sit with her while we wait for the results. Since Dr. Hammon is the one treating her, she will be here to overlook her during her stay.” Nikki nodded and grabbed Tom’s hand. They followed the doctor to Y/n's room where she looked so tiny on her bed. She had an IV in and was sleeping soundly.

“We gave her some medicine to bring her fever down. She should wake up soon.”

“Thank you doctor.” Nikki said as he walked away. She turned to Tom, “I’m going to go call your father. Sit with her please.”

“Of course.” Tom said before grabbing your hand and sitting in the chair next to your bed. Tom grabbed his phone with his other hand. He quickly added Harry, Sam, and Paddy to a group text.

T: Hospital. Room 135. Waiting on the results for Y/N. We need to talk.

H: WTF?! Is she okay? Is that where you went. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.

T: Yeah. Had to help mum. Just hurry. She should have everyone here for her.

S: Called into work and got the day off. Will be there soon.

P: Harry and I are on our way too. Be there shortly.

By the time all the brothers arrived, Dom was walking into the room as well. Nikki had already spoken with Dr. Hammon and got the news of why Y/N reacted that way. Nikki decided now was the time to tell everyone the severity of it.

“Okay guys. Y/N wanted to keep this a secret, but I no longer can. She has Hodgkin Lymphoma. Her and I noticed swelling in her neck before she was going to the states so I took her to the doctor. She was diagnosed a couple days later. That’s why she didn’t go with you boys on the trip. She’s been undergoing treatment every week to help kill the cancer.” Nikki said looking at all of her sons. “I just talked with the doctor. The bad news is she doesn’t think the antibody therapy is working. She thinks it would be best to try chemotherapy next so the cancer doesn’t spread. The good news is, the cancer hasn’t spread.”

Dom visibly relaxed at hearing that news. He was thankful you were as okay as you could be. “Did she say why she reacted this way. Why did she almost pass out?” Dom asked.

“She said her body was working in overdrive to kill the cancer cells.  Her fever got too high. Now that her fever is down, she’ll be back to her old self.”

“Old self?” Tom scoffed. “Mum she’s been sick more times than she’s been feeling okay. There’s no old self in that.”

“This is her new normal for a bit. Until she defeats the cancer, this is her old self.” Nikki responded.

You groaned and tried to open your eyes. Nikki and Dom rushed to one side as Tom rushed to your other. Tom ran his hand over your head. You turned and slowly opened your eyes and met Tom’s brown ones.

“What happened? Where am I?” You asked, confused.

“Your fever got too high. Me and mum rushed you here. You’re okay now.” Tom said. You turned to see your mum next to you with your dad.

“They know sweety.” She said. You closed your eyes for a second and turned to look at Tom again.

“I’m sorry for keeping this from you.” You said.

“Don’t be. I’m just glad you’re okay now. And I’ll be here every step of the way to help you fight.” He kissed your forehead. The rest of your brothers came up to you.

“I’m sorry Y/N/N for saying you hated us.” Harry said.

“I’m sorry too.” Sam said.

“I’m sorry as well.” Paddy said.

“It’s okay you guys. I’m sorry for not telling you. Just didn’t want you to worry. You guys have a lot going on in your life. Didn’t need to add this to the list of things you were stressing over.”

“We will always worry about you, healthy or not. You’re my baby sister. I never want you to think you have to go through something like this alone.” Tom said.

“I’ll sit with you at treatments.” Harry said.

“I’ll hangout with you when you don’t feel well at home.” Paddy said.

“I’ll make all of your favorites and I’ll make you soup.” Sam said.

You smiled at your brothers and thanked them. You were glad you had such an amazing support group to back you in this fight.

[losingitinjersey]

Happy due date, Aug! 

As you can see from the pictures, Erp and Aug met each other for the first time at the hospital!  My mom brought Erp over with her (you can tell she was dressed by her with the huge bow and fancy shoes) and it was SO GREAT to see my girl again!!  I’ve never had this much time away from her and I couldn’t get enough of her hugs and cuddles.  She was curious but cautious of her sister but continued to share her toys and books with her!  Although, every time Aug cried, Erp would shrink into herself and start crying as well, crawling into my arms for comfort.  My heart!  

On Friday at noon, 53 hours of being in the hospital and sitting in that increasingly uncomfortable bed, we were all packed up, dressed and ready to be discharged only to learn that Aug didn’t pass her hearing test on her left ear.  We were told we had to stay for four more hours for her to retake the test.  Defeated, disappointed and worried, we tucked in, napped and waited out those hours only to have her not pass a third time.  The hospital pediatrician wasn’t worried and said we’d just need to follow up with an audiologist in 4 to 6 weeks to see what’s going on.  By 6 p.m. that night, 59 hours in total at the hospital, we were finally on our way back home.  

We’ve now had over 24 hours at home with all five of us (my mom, Kevin, Erp, Aug and myself) and, I gotta say, I’m SO happy to be out of the hospital and adjusting to life at home.  

The first night at home (Friday the 13th) was rough.  I was emotionally and physically exhausted, desperate to create and cling to a routine that made sense.  But since Aug needs to feed every three hours (from the start of the feeding, and each feeding takes at least 30 minutes), there’s not much time in-between each session.  Kevin asked me if we could supplement with formula to give myself time to rest and not being responsible for each feeding but I refused.  Sure, my milk hasn’t come in yet but I wanted to do it all myself and work hard at feeding and getting my supply going through all the feedings.  I got maybe two hours sleep the first night.  

On Saturday morning, Kevin, Aug and I drove the hour and a half to our pediatrician in Norfolk to have her check out the babe.  She was very concerned about her weight loss and told us we need to immediately start supplementing with formula.  Like, had to do a bottle right there in the office in front of her and to give her 2oz of formula every three hours on top of breastfeeding. We have a follow-up appointment on Monday and Wednesday for weight-checks.  While I was disappointed to hear my girl, who was already a better at breastfeeding than Erp, wasn’t getting enough food.  Since this information was told to me by the pediatrician and not by my husband, I had no qualms about it and just want to make my girl healthy.  

The rest of the day went well.  I was able to nap AND shower!  First time in four days!  I was a new woman!  My mom asked me what she could buy me as a small gift of celebration - if I wanted a cake or ice cream or something.  Hands down, totally asked for a big dinner from Jersey Mike’s sub sandwiches.  Best decision ever.  That night my hormones got the best of me when my mom and Kevin decided to prioritize my sleep over everything else and basically sent me to bed at 9:30 p.m. telling me not to get back up until my shift at 6 a.m.  Oh, and also, that Kevin wanted Aug to try to sleep in her crib in the nursery with Erp (in her own crib) that night.  That decision was something I wasn’t ready to process and I tail-spinned from there.  I knew my hormones and lack of sleep were getting the best of me as I desperately tried to explain my feelings and try to help out more. Eventually, I just went to bed and hoped for the best, trusting my husband and mom were capable and just trying to do the best thing for me (even though *I* thought the best thing for me was to help out more, not sleep). (Also, the room sharing only lasted maybe five minutes before Aug started crying and needed to be removed from the room).  

Day three at home, Sunday/today, has been amazing so far.  Even though I was awake for two hours during the night, I did get a total of six hours and had a really great morning solo with Aug.  This was probably the most time she and I have spent one-on-one with each other and it was so needed.  I woke up at 6, by 6:30 I was breastfeeding her, by 7 I was feeding her a bottle.  By 7:30 she was down for a nap and I was pumping.  By 8 I got Erp up and loved having a solo morning with her, it was so good for us both!  By 8:30 I was finally able to make myself a delicious breakfast of avocado toast, fried eggs and french pressed coffee.  My mom was up at the same time so she was entertaining Erp while I got to eat in peace.  It was just the morning I needed.  Having that time with both girls one-on-one, but also at times together and having everything go well was so healing. 

Oh, and on top of everything else mentioned above, my feet have become horribly swollen thanks to the 3L of IV fluid pushed through my body and my face is incredibly puffy.  The breastfeeding cramps are brutal this time around and my nipples hate me. Desperately looking forward to a few weeks from now when, hopefully, my body has recovered more.  

Looking forward to continuing to find peace in structure and creating a routine that works well for us all.  While my free time is few and far between (especially when you throw in a very needy/grouchy cat into the mix who’s horribly being neglected despite my best efforts), I continue to find bright moments of joy in this new world of parenthood.  

[badwolf-winchester]

Ancient Bloodlines

Pairing: Loki x Emy Nightstar (OC)

OC Summary: Emy is the newest Avenger. She specializes in Magic and close range attacks/ weapons. Her heritage is unknown to her as she was left at an orphanage door step when she was a young girl with only the memory of her name. She goes by her nickname Emy but has never told anyone her full name as its a reminder of her being abandoned. Emy can see through any illusion and Magic no matter how powerful they are or how strong the magic is and is unaware of this. Her powers include Telekinesis, Elemental Control, True Sight (as stated above) Enhanced healing and Shifting (she wont discover this till much later in the story). She loves to read, listen to music, play violin, sing, and draw.

Story Info: Takes place after infinity wars. Tony and Natasha are alive Steven comes back from the future after giving back the infinity stones. Vision is alive and living with Wanda in the tower. Thor and Loki live in the tower with the rest of the Avengers and for the sake of the story Himedall is alive and living with the rest of the Asgardians on earth in New Asgard (you will find out why later)

One last thing: Please do not repost my work on any other site or social media, however reblogging on here is fine. I work hard on all of my fanfics and it’s disappointing when people take my work as their own. I am the creater of all my OCs such as Sora Nightstar, Emy Nightstar, and Lithium Nightstar. My inbox is open for any and all requests as i am a multi fandom writer. Let me know how you like the story and i will do my best to answer any and all questions. As always i encourage any and all feedback as it helps with my writing. I hope you all like it!

The Beginning

They say that your parents are there to teach you the rules of the world, but what happens when you have no parents? Who will teach you then? The world is cruel but people are crueler. Ive learned this first hand when the person i trusted most in this world left me on the door step of the St. Trinity’s Orphanage. I was 9 when my mother told me she didn’t want me anymore and i guess I couldn’t really blame her. I mean who could love someone who couldn’t control the powers that grew with each passing year. Someone who started fires out of thin air when they had nightmares, conjured whirlwinds when startled, unfurled earthquakes when angered, spring forth rain showers when sad, and levitate objects when riddled with anxiety. I will never forget that day for its seared into my mind like its own person brand echoing with every beat of my heart. A monster thats what she called me, her own flesh and blood was a monster in her eyes, and i could see the relief when she ran from the solid oak door finally rid of the burden she had to put up with throughout the years. An abomination she cried as she reached the cobblestone sidewalk eager to be rid of me and by the pace she was going at i could tell she had more spring in her step than on the walk over from the bus we exited from. Unnatural she bellowed as she disappeared around the corner a ghost of a smile springing from her lips as she disappeared. These where the last words i would ever hear from my mother, if thats what you would call her.

Emy’s POV

Tonight was just like any other. Crisp cold air submerged the city in a blanket of dark and silence while it settled into your bones. I never minded the cold in fact I welcomed it, it reminded me of the cabin i found one year after running away from one of the many abusive foster homes i was forced to stay with. I’ll admit it was one of the times I was able to avoid the social workers for longer than a week and the happiest I had ever been in my life up until i was captured by Hydra. When I had a flair up with my powers, which usually ended up being fire, i would immediately get sent back to St. Trinity’s but this time i ran before they had the chance to toss me aside. The staff there used to place bets on how long i would stay with a family, they would joke saying i was cursed or jinxed but i knew the truth, no one wanted me. Once the parents found out about my abilities I was sent packing. I was labeled as a flight risk and a danger to others which only deepened my anti socialism.

Walking through the streets of New York i pull my dark purple jacket on and my dark brown hair in a pony tail as I get closer to my destination. Because i don’t feel the effects of the cold weather Tony, being such the dad figure he is, has made it his priority to make sure i still wear one just incase so here i was walking home in black ripped up jeans, a black v neck T-shirt, black and purple checkered vans and a light weight dark purple jacket. With my headphones in my ears and “I like it heavy” by Halestorm blasting I make my way to the place i call home, Stark Tower. Walking through the front doors i make my way past the receptionist who always greets me with a bright smile. As I walk towards the elevator I give her a small smile back and a head nod. After entering the elevator and pressing the button for the penthouse I start to reflect on how i got here.

By the time i was 15 Hydra found me in that cabin and took me away. I went from hopping from family to family to being used as a science experiment, constantly being poked and prodded just so they could get a reaction out of me. As a child my powers where very unstable mostly flaring up with my emotions, its no wonder that Hydra caught wind of me its not like i was hiding it very well or more so that i couldn’t hide it. They tried to wipe my memory to gain control of me “a blank slate” is what they wanted, but for some reason, they failed as I wasn’t susceptible to their conditioning methods no matter how much time i spent in the chair. However, I could tell they were scared of me I could see it in their eyes. This didn’t last long though as they used what they called their perfect weapon code name Winter Soldier to beat me into submission. After that first meeting that left me with a broken arm and a fractured ankle i started to obey, since then Ive met the Soldier a couple of times but if he remembers me he dosent let on and I dont blame him, he has been in that chair so many times Im genuinely surprised he can even remember how to walk. He is stronger than the others as most of the other test subjects had turned to vegetables after the 4th mind wipe, he was on his 10th the last time i saw him with Hydra.

Another test was done on me and this one was different. They used a teseract? If thats what they called it I can’t be sure nor did I care all I could feel was pain like as if someone injected lava in my veins. After they injected me I started screaming after a while I couldn’t even hear myself anymore, my throat was so sore and horse from the constant roar of my agony I just wanted it to end. How long was I out for? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Years? They didn’t keep clocks there or at least not in the dungeon like cell they had me in. When the fire faded i was left with this numbness and after further tests I realized that I was immune to fire. I can literally stick my hand in fire and i will be left untouched and unscorched. They did the same test with freezing temperatures to see if they could subdue me at least in some way. I must have been out longer than just a couple of days as during the tests i didn’t recognize any of the Doctors. In that moment I realized something, if they were trying to contain me then something must have happened to the soldier. It was time to plan my escape.

Back in my cell i could hear footsteps approaching me and then stop short. One of the scientists frantically trying to talk some sense into someone just out of my line of sight. “She is immune to anything we throw at her sir. We have done every test we could there is nothing left for us to do.” One of the goons in a lab coat stated to what i assumed is a higher up. “Bolden If her powers keep growing at the rate they are it could be days in which she will be unstoppable and with the soldier gone we dont have anything that can keep her in line. She broke Mandy and Rays arms the last time we tested her. She is getting too strong.” Brining a hand up to his chin the higher up Bolden stepped out of the shadows and looked at me with deep interest before he turned to looked at the man and scoffed. As he walked away i felt a cold chill ran down my back as I anticipated what was to become of me; I knew it was nothing good i had already broken their rules. His next words only confirmed what I feared. “ Its simple. Break her spirit or kill her Doctor. And when i say break her i mean in anyway means necessary.” His sadistic laugh is the last thing i remember before everything went black.

Its been 2 years since i have escaped and now I’m living in the avengers tower. I don’t remember what happened after that night in my cell its all a blur of red, screams, and gunshots. When i woke up next i was in a 6ft crater where I was being held captive without a scratch on me. Trees were uprooted and fallen over as if a bomb went off. Luckily the Avengers showed up not long after me waking up and took me to their base where i met Directer Fury. With his permission and 24/7 surveillance provided by Tony Stark via FRIDAY and training sessions to get my powers under control i was allowed to join the Avengers and fight for good. Little did i know that by agreeing to this I would end up in the path of a certain God or Gods who were also taking residence at the tower.

With the sound of a *ding* the elevator shook me out of my mind and back to the present. As i exited the elevator I pulled my head phones out of my ears and was instantly met with the sound of Tony losing his mind. “Where did she go? She knows she can’t be out this late. She could be taken again! Its 5 minutes past her curfew!” Rolling my eyes I roll my headphones up and shove them in my pocket and round the corner. “Tony it takes 5 minutes to get from the lobby to the penthouse calm down. I bet she will walk through that door anytime now.” Came the sweet voice of reason of none other than Pepper Potts. “I’m Home.” I said in a deadpan voice as i walked by the couple only for Tony to stand up and intercept me by placing a hand on my upper arm. “Where did you go and why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow pushing his hand off me. “Tony its Wednesday. I have training with Strange on Wednesdays and I had Friday alert you as I was leaving but you were in the lab with Bruce.” Not sure what to say next Tony mumbled a small apology. “Sorry I was just worried about you. I know you are grown enough to make your own choices as you are 25 but I just want to make sure you are safe. How was the training with The Wizard?” Sighing and shaking my head just wanting to go the library and read I decided to just let it go. “Strange is a hard ass that much you already know. It wasnt bad actually I think I’m warming up to him. I didn’t spontaneously throw him to the wall when he snuck up behind me as i was going over the ancient texts so i call that improvement.” I said sheepishly while side stepping around him. “I’m gonna go to the library now and grab some light reading before bed you guys have a good night.” With out waiting for a response I quickly made my way towards my new destination only to have Tony saying something about guests in the house but I ignored him.

Pushing open the library door I make my way to the poetry section to grab my usual copy of Edgar Allen Poe that I read before bed. As my had reached for the spot i knew i put the book in i find that its not there. “Wait what? Where is my book? I know I put it back here before I left for training so where did it go?” Frustrated I stomp back over to the entrance and rip open the door ready to go on a murder spree while shouting down the hallway. “CLINT! You better give me back my night time book or I’m breaking all your arrows again! No one reads in this tower but me! How stupid do you think I am!?” Straining my ears I listen for any type of movement but was met with dead silence. After a minute I finally hear movement through the vents coming from the west part of the tower and I take off sprinting. Sliding around a corner I barely miss colliding with Steve and Bucky who look like they were on their way back from a mission. Offering a quick apology before I continue my pursuit I hear Steve yell “Hey! No running in the tower!” Not faltering in my hot pursuit of the Hawk thief I continue to zip through the tower ignoring the Captains words until i was almost to the vent that lead to the 2 level family room. Using the railing for the steps leading down to the family area to give me more height i jumped as close to the vent as possible and conjured my signature Scythe to slice through it while twisting in the air kicking the vent free and off its track. A shocked and terrified scream resonates from the vent as the culprit falls to the ground with a thud and a grunt. I landed in a crouched position and slowly straightened to my full hight. “What the hell Emy?! When did you learn to do that?!” Clint yells as he sits up rubbing his left shoulder that he landed on. I started stalking towards him with the blade of my scythe scrapping across the ground as i went while giving him a death glare. “Give me back my book Barton.” At the mention of his last name his head snapped up to me fear replacing the pain from his fall. “Oh shit last name not good.” Scrambling up on his feet he turns and runs towards the common room that connects to the elevator with me hot on his tail and my scythe trailing behind me in my right hand.

“Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!!” He yells as he makes it fully to the room only to fling forward as i jump and kick his back tired of all the running. Twirling my weapon around I place it at his neck sneering at him. “I will not ask you again.” I said placing pressure on his neck with my blade. Sensing a fast moving object coming from my left from the kitchen I move my head back 3 inches as what looked like a hammer flew by me embedding itself in the wall. Turning my head slowly in the direction of the flying object, I confirmed it was indeed a hammer that was thrown at me. Irritation flared through me as i released Clint from the end of my scythe and turned fully to the kitchen to face my attacker. There stood 2 men that i did not recognize, one tall oak of a man with blond short hair, blue eyes and tan skin in blue jeans, a red T-shirt ,and grey jacket. the other shorter man made me stare at him and faultier for a second as he was so different from anyone i have ever seen, dark blue skin covered his entire body with darker almost black symbols and piercing red eyes, long black hair with black jeans, a green dress shirt and black jacket. Tearing my gaze away from his own curious one i looked between both men before i clenched my jaw letting my irritation settle back in. “Which one of you threw that hammer.” I said venom dripping with every word. “Whoa its ok Emy thats just Thor and Loki they are the asgardian Gods that live here in the tower part time when they are not in Norway.” Clint said standing up quickly. Not moving from my position i narrowed my eyes and flicked them over in Clint’s direction. The ground started to shake as my irritation and annoyance grew to anger remembering what i was doing before being interrupted by the Gods. Throwing his hands up in surrender he then quickly reached into his back pocket and retrieved my book. “Ok ok dont blow a fuse Em.” He said while tossing me my possession stopping me from causing an earthquake. Catching it in the air with my left had I inspected the book to make sure it wasn’t damaged before I let go of my scythe, with a wave of my hand it disappeared back to the pocket dimension I keep it in then looked back at Clint as the tremors stopped. “Touch my things again and i will be wearing your guts like my mom’s pashmina.” I said to the thief before walking out of the room and disappeared down the hallway not giving the Gods a second glance. As I entered my room i could hear a silky voice ring out from the kitchen. “Well isnt she interesting.”

Part 2 coming soon

@nickkie1129

[cafedanslanuit]

summary: be it by want or instinct, people will always end up hurting you. and the only thing you can do is not give them the chance to do so.

pairing: nishinoya x reader

warnings: mentions of depression

words: 1.2k

notes: i really loved writing this one c: thank you @tmkki​ for reading this and giving your opinion <333

i.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I see her. My mom sitting on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably as she rips apart photographs where my dad appears. Loud music is playing and now I think maybe that’s why I don’t like harsh noise. I approach her and she yells at me to leave her alone. She tells me I look like him and I wonder if I still do. It’s been twelve years since then, but every time I look at the mirror I wonder if I have the face of the first man that hurt me.

“Don’t trust men,” she cries, as I bring her a painkiller and a glass of water. “They will rip your heart apart.”

“I won’t,” I promise, and I spent the next years doing just that. Whenever someone would smile at me, I always closed my eyes and went back to that moment. The nauseating ring on my ears from the loud music, the ripped photographs scattered on the floor and the image of my mother crawling into bed every day with a bottle of wine and a lost look in her eyes.

Be it by want or instinct, people will always end up hurting you. And the only thing you can do is not give them the chance to do so.

ii.

His existence was like the sun. 

Every morning he entered the classroom, he shared his warmth and brought light from within his eyes. It was almost terrifying how much he shone, to the point that I thought he could burn me if I dared to touch him with my cold hands. Nishinoya always laughed with his mouth wide open and his eyes closed, never caring if anyone was watching, just basking in his own happiness and glee. I believed he truly never questioned himself, always talking as if he wasn’t afraid of saying something wrong, as if he was so sure of himself no one could bring him down.

Just like the sun, I settled with watching him from afar, hoping his warmth would reach me. I searched for his light on my dark days, chuckling as I saw him prank his friends and listening intently when he spoke passionately about volleyball.

I had always thought he was good on the eyes but never expected him to look as beautiful as he did the first time I contemplated him talking about serving. The way his cheeks were flushed and his words tumbled with each other, I could have stared for hours. His grin became wider, his brown eyes became golden and for those few moments, I forgot about the dark clouds hanging over my head.

I wondered what loving as intensely as he did felt.

iii.

Nishinoya barged in front of my desk on a Tuesday morning of our first high school year, trying to catch his breath as he explained he was about to be banned from the volleyball team if he didn’t ace the exam we had on Friday. He claimed his friend had told him I was smart, and a vague memory of me handing out my notes to said friend came to my mind.

He continued rambling for several more minutes, stressing the importance of the match was and how he didn’t know what else to do. It took him to stare at me arching his right eyebrow for me to register I had been quiet the whole time. I nodded and tried to smile, hating how unfamiliar it felt on my face. Thankfully, Nishinoya’s smile outshone mine and before I knew it, he was making arrangements for us to meet after his volleyball practice.

And for a moment, I forgot. I forgot about the eviction notices, I forgot about the sleepless nights and the constant headaches. As I swam into his chocolate eyes, my mind was only filled with the sound of an unknown tune that filled my heart with peace. He thanked me once again for agreeing to help him with the exam, as if I ever had the chance to deny his warmth.

He left with a smile and I felt hungry for the first time in the week. 

iv.

If he ever saw the empty wine bottles near the trash bin, he never commented on it. He also made his case to never question why my room always looked like I had just cleaned it, a sharp contrast with the dull mess of the rest of the house. Not once did he ask about the bags under my eyes or the days I missed school. When getting out of bed was more than I could handle, getting notified with a text message from him wishing me to get better soon always brought a smile to my face.

All I knew was that every time I leaned on the opened gym’s door frame during one of his practice matches, he always kept his unspoken promise of walking me home after he was done. I can still remember his stories, one after the other without a pause, never failing in making me look at him in awe. He would always make convincing arguments to take detours to get some food, my mood improving after having my first meal of the day. No matter what we did during those walks, the one thing that never wavered was the huge smile on his face as he said goodbye.

I always asked myself if he somehow knew. If, by any chance, he could tell it was raining on me on those days. He must have known he couldn’t stop it, but always did his best to make sure I danced a little in the rain, even if it was just for the short while it took us to get to my house.

v.

The night came and the sun had to set.

It had been three years since we had met, but time always feels so short when someone has to say goodbye. Nishinoya had mentioned his desire to discover the world and experience everything life had to offer, so it was natural for him to set on a long trip just after graduation. He was so enthusiastic about it I couldn’t help but find solace in my own turmoil of emotions. For a usually impulsive person, he had his bag packed for a week before he actually had to leave. I still remember how he bounced up and down as he told me about it the last afternoon we spent together, and I wished he would keep his smile forever.

Was it selfish of me to not want the sun to be taken away? Was it delusional to even call him that? I touched my arms seeking the warmth he left after his last hug but it was long gone. He had promised to send a postcard, and even if I knew I would treasure it, I also understood I shouldn’t cling to it. My heart knew that was the last time I would ever see him. And it was okay. Some people aren’t meant to stay.

Be it by want or instinct, people will always end up hurting you. But, if you got to be truly happy by their side, you will always be thankful you gave them the chance to do so.

[royaltee98]

The worst sickle cell crisis

September 25-October 3.2021

Saturday September 25.2021

This was Sunday 2:00 in the morning mom just finished changing my foot and I was watching the golden girls.I fell asleep for a few minutes feeling this awful pain in my lower back I called my dad to tell him that I was having pain and to tell mom but instead I called her. She came over and laid with me rubbing my back and gave me some Motrin, until the next morning…. to be continued

Sunday September 26.2021

This was Saturday afternoon I told my dad I was going to shower while in the shower I wasn’t feeling so good I had to rush and wrap myself in a towel and go sat under the ac because I was feeling very tired and shaking. My mom came in my room and said I didn’t so good, still in awful pain I had a nail appointment that I made last week so I went with mom feeling ok, it took like 30 minutes to do. I got back in the car feeling very tired again, I walked into my house put my stuff down I crawled into bed and continued to watched golden girls I fell asleep again and mom was still rubbing my back. I just couldn’t get comfortable I was moving all my bed.

My mom said do you want to go hospital I immediately said yes it was so hard to get dress my mom helped me while getting the hospital bag ready. I was in so pain it was very difficult to walk so my dad swung me over his shoulders and put me in my mom cars. While driving to the hospital I felt every single stop, bump, and turn in the road. I was crying”. I need relief, I need fast” for me to say that means the pain was sky high. Couldn’t get comfortable always turning and sitting still was so hard in the car.

I got to the emergency room at this point the pain was beyond a 10 more like 10,000 I felt like drawing out of my skin and curling up into a ball until the pain was 100% gone. Once I got in the back and the nurses started an IV for fluids I got strong *pain medication. I would sleep for 10 minutes and right back up balling crying, turning, asking for more relief.

I was being transferred to the 3 floor which was orthopedic floor with a clean hospital bed. I was going in and out of pain in between trying to sleep to the prior medication I was given back at home. My mom was always rubbing my back, hips, and legs. Getting up to use the restroom felt like my legs were set on fire and about to break at any moment. I spent that night and half the that next morning in so much pain and agony.

Monday September 27. 2021

It was the next morning still in was much pain. I did a chest X-ray and take and *nebulizer breathing treatment. This sweet nurse told my mom and I, I needed to be *I.C.U because my oxygen level was at a 45 and had pneumonia, no one on this planet earth should be at a 45. SIDE-NOTE: I cried but I remember when my auntie I wasn’t allowed in the ICU to say my goodbyes because I was to young I was 14 when she pass away from cancer. My body was asking for help and I was transferred to the I.C.U. Once I got into the ICU the nurses put me on the this *high flow oxygen machine. It felt like I was growing in my air the oxygen was going so fast up my nose and the taste was horrible.

I really didn’t have an appetite but I knew I eat something so I won’t have another on my hands. I took a few bites for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Still coughing, in an *active sickle cell crisis , pain was going on. I was in misery I just wanted home to see my sister.

Tuesday September 28. 2021

This morning I did so much such as go get a *CAT scan, do a *echocardiography and I need to use the restroom today. The nurse get a wheelchair for me, it felt so good to come out of ICU. I did a CAT scan before so I was use to it. I got to my room I made a thumbs up gesture to my mom. A few hours went then the echocardiogram technician came to my room, I was pretty nosey she allowed me to look. I asked questions because I was curious the way my heart sounded when she put on the audio gave me more power to fight my way out of the ICU.

The pain management doctor came to ask how is my pain and have went yet. I said my pain is ok and no I haven’t went he said ok and said that he would make a medical mixture for me. I was ok with that.

For rest of the day doctors and different labs techincan came in my room.

Wednesday September 29. 2021

I sat up the chair cause the bed was staring to get uncomfortable and by this time I haven’t went to bathroom and it was kind of getting painful by I still needed eat still taking a few bites of breakfast and I said to my mom that my stomach was hurting. In the ICU there is a little separator dividing the room in the corner was a toilet. ⚠️ TMI ⚠️ Ever since I was born I suffered and still suffer from constipation. That morning I took the mixture pill with my other medication. Let me tell you when I sat on that toilet it was like WW3 I could destroy the whole of Afghanistan the smell that came out my body could have taken me out. It went on for some time back to back ever for the next few days.

After I went I was so hungry any time a nurse came in and ask me if I wanted anything I said yes I usually got ginger ale and chocolate pudding, I love me some snack pack chocolate pudding.

I want to shoutout to my mom because I had so many wires on me, she did everything for me if you know what I mean 😉

Every hour my nurse came to check on me and my mom and ever 4 hours to me my iv medication and if I needed any pain medication. I started to wean off the pain medication because I didn’t want to get addicted to them but if I needed I would ask politely.

I had to sleep on my left side because I had the pneumonia was in my right lung. So I facing the door to my room I prayed to God basically saying: Dear God, please heal my lung so I can get out of ICU and to be able to see my sister and dad. I know that you can do it I believe in you.

Thursday September 30. 2021

Still in the ICU feeling much still can’t take a deep breath but I was working on the *breathing spirometer that is mess felt like hell. More doctors came in to update me and my mom, they said I looked perfectly fine but my CAT scan and X-ray was showing that I had fluid overload, a small amount of fluid around of heart, and pneumonia.

In my head I was like I need to get out of here. Still working on the breathing barometer trying to cleat my lung coughing like a maniac and sitting up off my lungs.

That night the new season of station 19 and grey anatomy came on so my mom and I watched while I ate my hospital dinner and mom had her dinner. After that I FaceTime my sister as I did ever night in hospital saying goodnight and making jokes I say goodnight and can’t wait to get home to her.

Ever other night my mom changes my wound I had of 10 years now; she was coming to the end of wrapping the rolled gauze around my foot. Around the same time the I got a new night shift nurse she would so sweet and her charge nurse pass her a piece of paper. She read it and wrote on my room board 2258 and said that I was switching floors. At that moment I knew God heard my prayer for the night before I was so excited that I was moving rooms.

My mom stared to packed our belongs and checking the room to see if we had left anything in the cabinet.

Friday October 1 2021

It was barley 1:00 in the morning on our way to the new floor. This floor was called *PCU entering our new room 2258 where we spent the next three days in. I told my mom one day closer to seeing my sister; the nurses slid me over to my new bed which was super uncomfortable. Now on this new floor between 12 and 4 they you sleep which was very comforting to hear.

I really didn’t sleep cause cause there was lab technicians taking my blood and nurses taking vitals sign. Once the sun came up my mom and I started to get up. I had such an appetite I ate all of my breakfast and was still hungry but my mom kept a sash of little snack from previous breakfast, Lunch, and dinner trays that I didn’t eat prior to being backed up so I had my favorite combo ginger ale and snack pack chocolate pudding.

The same doctor from the ICU came up was updated my mom and I still looked fine on the outside but the inside was still acting up. After they left I did so research why are keeping it is because I had a low grade fever due to pneumonia that’s all.

The physical therapist came in to work with me and my limp due to the wound I had and still have for 10 years. I walked the entire PCU floor, basic excise like in and out kicks, stepping in place, hip opener, and muscle resistance.

The more I felt better the more food was on my hospital food tray that night for dinner I had pasta and meatball with ice tea, and chocolate pudding. For the rest of night my mom and I watched tv and was heading to bed.

Saturday October 2. 2021

That morning my mom and I had a mission I was to freshen up, take my meds, let the nurses give me my Iv antibiotic and we were going for a walk on the PCU floor. After all that I decided to sit up in the chair again. The doctors came in and still I was feeling better but the x-rays were getting clearer still had pneumonia but I since couching and using my breathing barometer is was getting better. They wanted to still keep me over night to watch me for any fever spikes.

The fever spikes will only happened at 12:00 in the night so they still concerned about that. Physical therapist came to walked me and this time I didn’t even realized that I walked the over floor I was going my speed like yesterday but it seemed faster.

My dad stopped by to give me some really pretty flowers and to relieve my mom so she can go home and freshen up and checked on to my sister. My dad and I went for a walk and by the time we finished she was on her back to the hospital. She brought Popeyes and we watched the movie Selena I almost cried because I heard how she died by never got to watch it, it was the older one with Jennifer Lopez.

We continue to watch tv as we went to bed.

Sunday October 3 .2021

This was the morning I felt that I was going to be discharged form the hospital and on our way home. For breakfast I had some pancakes and sausage to drink I had some orange juice and the nurse gave me my medication and I was just chilling. The doctors came in by now it was just the fever spikes at night was reason they kept me an extra night. The nurse I had was trying to discharge me I really appreciated that.

Lunch time had just begun at the same time the nurse had came into my room to tell me I had been discharged in mid bite of my pasta and meatball I just felt it I was so happy to see my sister and dad. She said do you want to finish your lunch or just want to be discharge I said I wanted to be discharged so she was took off my heart monitor, pulse oximeter, and the IV I had.

She read me my discharge papers that I had to sign after that she went to go get a wheelchair and my mom went ahead down to get the car. For a moment I was left in the room by myself I turned on some gospel music and was praising God and thanking him for bringing me out of this one.

I told my mom to not to tell my dad I was being discharged cause I wanted to surprise him. He even called me I said the I using the bathroom the truth was I was sitting sign my discharge papers. While being rolled down to the lobby I kept thanking God for all his had done.

Pulling up to my house I got out of the car rang the doorbell and my dad opened the door and was so surprised and my sister was still sleeping so I waited until she had gotten up to tell her that I was in the ICU she just was surprised.

Now it has been four days I been home feeling much better still keeping up on my water intake and taking my temperature, oxygen levels and working on my breathing spirometer. God has and will forever been by my family and I side in times of needs he is just so good, caring, loving, merciful. Thank you God.

*pain medication: Dilaudid: treat moderate to severe pain

*nebulizer: A device for producing a fine spray of liquid, used for example for inhaling a medicinal drug

*I.C.U: a unit in a hospital providing intensive care for critically ill or injured patients that is staffed by specially trained medical personnel and has equipment that allows for continuous monitoring and life support

*high flow oxygen machine: Only offered if traditional oxygen therapy isn't helping, high flow oxygen therapy helps reduce the effort your body needs to put into breathing. By decreasing the effort of breathing and creating a small amount of positive pressure in the upper airways, this therapy helps improve oxygen delivery.

*active sickle cell crisis (in my opinion): is the pain the starts you feel it as the bad cells dies off

*CAT scan: n X-ray image made using a form of tomography in which a computer controls the motion of the X-ray source and detectors, processes the data, and produces the image.

*echocardiogram:a test of the action of the heart using ultrasound waves to produce a visual display, used for the diagnosis or monitoring of heart disease.

*breathing Spirometer:a common office test used to assess how well your lungs work by measuring how much air you inhale, how much you exhale and how quickly you exhale.

*PCU: The Progressive Care Unit or PCU is a telemetry (vital signs) monitored unit that provides care for adult patients requiring continuous cardiac monitoring

Love T.B.❤️

[zoxiqwritesstuff]

This fic is dedicated to the amazingly talented @elisaphoenix13 and her aeesome Mama bear AU that inspired this fic. Go check out her work on here and AO3!!

========

Looped Nightmare

Chapter 1: Was it all a dream?

Tony woke up as he jolted up from his slumber, panting lightly. His forehead was damp with a cold sweat as he ran a hand down his face, trying to calm himself from the nightmare he had just woken up from. He grabbed his glasses on the table next to the bed, sliding them on as the iv tube hit his face. Tony batted the tube away before his chocolate eyes went wide at his surroundings. 

"What the hell…" Tony questioned as he saw he was in the medical bay. " Friday, tell mama bear this is a little extreme for falling out of bed."

Friday was silent for once. 

"Friday? Oh don't tell me he's still mad about the bath bomb…  i said i was sorr…" Tony rambled as he tried to get out of bed, his legs failing him as he crumbled to the floor.

Steve had been passing by just asTony had collapsed to the floor, the super soldier rushing forward and helping the billionaire into a nearby wheelchair. Tony's face grew even more confused at his weakness. He had felt fine just last night when he had crawled into bed with Stephen. He hadn't felt like this since he was rescued from space after…

"You've been out for a week Tony." Steve stated softly. 

"Where are the girls? Stephen? The boys? Is everyone ok?!" Tony asked hurriedly as he looked up at the super soldier. 

"Cassie and Diana are fine… but I'm sorry Tony…" Steve sighed sadly as he walked behind the engineer, pushing the wheelchair. "Stephen, Harley, and Peter were…"

"Were what?! Where's Val? You forgot her! Were we attacked while i was asleep?!" Tony was letting the panic fill him completely at what he was hearing. 

Then things started to click. Space, everyone missing… It was just like after the snap. Was everything he remembered just a dream during his comatose state? 

No.

It couldn't be. This had to still be some sick dream he was stuck in. They defeated Thanos… he snapped again. The engineer was wheeled over to a table with the few remaining Avengers, the pictures of those lost to the snap projected up from the holotable.

Chocolate eyes widen when he sees Peter and Stephen's pictures flash across the screen. He grabbed what he thought was his damaged arm,  his brows furrowing when there was no charred flesh under his touch. 

Had him snapping all been a dream in his coma? 

His eyes focused off into the distance as the other's talked in the background.  Something was wrong.  He could feel it in his gut and would try to prove it.  

*****

Tony sat in the living room of the lake house, staring at the Starkpad in his hand. It was getting harder and harder to tell if what was happening around him was real. He got hungry and needed sleep, which meant it wasn't a dream. Maybe it was an alternate dimension? Or some spatial anomaly?

Either way, he knew he would get his family back. 

Cassie watched from the kitchen where she was feeding Diana some baby food from a jar. The billionaire had her worried. Maybe he was still in shock from the snap? She knew that she hadn't quite gotten a grip on what had happened. At least she didn't have it as bad as Tony, who actually had both Stephen and Peter turn to dust in his arms.  

She finished feeding Diana, wiping her face with a diaper wipe to remove any blueberries that had decided to stay on her cheeks before carrying her back to the living room.  The child set the baby in the swing before climbing up onto the couch next to Tony. 

"Uncle Tony? Can we watch cartoons?" Cassie asked softly, looking up at the distracted man. 

"Huh? Oh yeah… FRI? Put on whatever Miss Sass wants." Tony muttered as he kept scrolling through the articles that littered the screen. 

Each and every one of them was dated 2018, part of Tony wanting to believe that were true even though there was a much louder voice in his head yelling at him to wake up. Even his conscience sounded like his last husband.  He rubs his eyes and sighs as he sets the device in the coffee table before him. Cassie pats his leg gently. 

"It's ok Uncle Tony." Cassie said softly, the billionaire not missing the sorrow that laced her young voice. "I miss my daddy too." 

Tony pulled Cassie into a hug, hoping to soothe the still grieving girl beside him. "Me too Cass… me...too.."

Tony's brain began whirling with ideas.  

Scott. 

Scott…

"SCOTT!" Tony hadn't realized he yelled the man's name as his hands darted for the Starkpad again. 

Scott had solved the answer in how to get everyone back before. If Tony could find him again and bring him back,  maybe then he could prove he wasn't crazy.  Maybe he could get his family back. 

Cassie turned her attention away from the cartoons on the television to watch Tony. She knew the last time she saw her father, he was helping Mr. Pym and Hope to collect some particles or something like that. 

He was one of the victims of the snap.  

"Uncle Tony… daddy is gone too." She muttered softly as she reached to pull his hand away from the Starkpad. 

"Cassie. I promise I'm not crazy but… I've already been through this before. " Tony explained. "Your dad wasn't snapped.  He's trapped in the quantum realm and if I can find him, then he can help get everyone else ba…" 

The man turned and saw the tears filling large hazel eyes just before Cassie got up. The child ran to her room and shut her door behind her.  Tony sighs softly as he holds his head in his hands, looking over at his baby daughter in her swing.  

"I promise daddy isn't crazy." The billionaire mutters to her as he moves to put her pacifier back into her mouth.  "Maybe I should let time take its course. I know Stephen would say it's wrong to mess with a time stream."

He could wait. He had done it before and he could do it again. Tony knew exactly how to fix this,  but he needed everything to happen in the exact order as it did last time. 

That night, Tony lied awake in his bed as he stared at the ceiling with his tired chocolate eyes. He thought it was hard to sleep when Stephen was dimension hopping, but now it was nearly impossible. The billionaire sighed as he rolled over onto his side and stared at the spot where his husband would have been, his heart aching as his fingers reached over and clutched the sheets. 

"I'll get you back tesoro." Tony promised softly. "You and our whole family."

After a few more hours of tossing and turning, the billionaire finally fell asleep. If only it were a peaceful sleep. Tony was caught in a dream. 

Tony looked around the sandy terrain littered with the ruins of the alien civilization that used to occupy Titan. He slowly stood from where he had been seated in the sand, his hand instinctively reaching to tap the nanotech housing unit.  Two weights shot out and attached themselves to his wrist, drawing Tony's immediate attention to what was attacking him. 

He couldn't believe his eyes.  

Stephen and Peter were hanging on his wrists, their fingers clawing at his sleeves. Tony couldn't take his eyes off of the betrayed expression they had on their face. 

"You failed." Stephen's voice rang out as he suddenly vanished. 

"I...I tried… i…" Tony stuttered as he saw Peter vanish as well. 

"You didn't try hard enough." Peter's voice bit out as wind began to whip around Tony.  

He tried to push on through the brewing sandstorm. He had to get to his family. 

"I tried everything!" Tony shouted over the howling wind. 

"You can't… we had one chance… and you ruined it." Stephen's voice hissed in his hair. "You let us die." 

"NO! I DIDN'T!" The billionaire exclaims. 

"I told you to run. We would have been safe on earth." The ghostly form of Stephen and Peter appear before Tony.  "If you had listened to us instead of your ego,our family would be whole. We wouldn't have turned to dust!"

Tony fell to his knees as tears welled up in his eyes,  his hands trembling as he gripped the sand beneath him. He had tried everything to save his family that day. After having Thanos in his head since the Chitauri invasion, he thought the only way to stop Thanos was to take the battle to him. He wished he could undo everything from that dreadful day. 

"...ony...Tony…" Stephen's voice called softly. 

Tony went to answer the gentle voice, but he couldn't as a sudden pain coursed through his chest. He cried out in pain as he fell to the sand, clutching his chest. He tried to breathe, to catch his breath but another pain coursed through his chest. It was like he was being electrocuted by invisible lightning. 

"Tony! Wake up!" Stephen's voice cried out as the ghostly versions of him and Peter faded. "Tony!!" 

Tony jolted awake with a startled gasp, clutching his chest as he panted heavily.  His hair was drenched from sweat as he pushed it away from his forehead.  

What the actual hell was that?

[ontochristine]

02.01.21

Two weeks since EK’s birthdate. I had hoped to write this sooner, while things were still fresh, but I’m learning that newborn care takes a lot of attention!

To recap my labor & delivery...

My EDD was 1/29. Up until January’s Kaiser appointments, EK had been measuring a little larger so we all thought he’d come sooner. Then Jan’s appointments showed he was back on track. It was both good and disappointing news. Work picked up after the holidays and my coordinator just started, so I needed the time to catch her up and get things in order. On the flip side, at 37 going on 38 weeks, I was really uncomfortable; sleeping horribly, back hurting, eating endlessly, etc. In other words, I was ready for baby to come out asap. By mid-Jan, DK & I figured baby would come closer to his EDD, whereas before DK figured he’d come around 2 weeks early and I thought he’d come 1 week early.

Fridays became my favorite days of the week while pregnant because 1) end of work week, 2) our takeout day and 3) sleep aid night (sleeping was awful during pregnancy and the sleep aid helped me get one full night of rest). So Friday, I wound down and went to bed between 9-10pm, while DK played DOTA in the second bedroom per usual. Sat am, I woke up with a spreading warmth waist down. I thought at first maybe I had like triple the layer of blankets in that area until I felt the wetness with my hands. Then thought to myself, “Is this my water breaking?” So I started to yell for DK but he was knocked out. I waddled my way to the bathroom, stripped, washed off my body & my PJ pants. At this point, I figured, “Well who knows how urgent this is. I’ll wake up DK after I’ve called Kaiser.” So I call, they advise to come to hospital as soon as possible - but no crazy rush - and I wake up DK, who doesn’t leap to his feet but more annoyed/groggy haha. This man doesn’t like to be woken up anyway. Knowing we have time, I put on makeup (I admit it! I’m vain!), try to figure out how to stop the leaking with the limited pads I have, and start packing last few things into the hospital bag. Then I eat an apple and write Janice’s bday card (whyyy do I irrelevant things during times like this). We finally head out and because of COVID, only I walk into the hospital where I’m seen in the triage area. Since it’s so early (before 8a), the hospital is really quiet and a Korean nurse comes to see me. I count both these things as God’s hand over me :) She chatters on and on about this and that and tells me that DK should definitely bring up snacks and it’ll be a while. So I send DK to Costco and he ends up coming to the hospital around 1p, after I’ve moved to the L&D unit.

The medical staff administered pitocin around 11a (?) and from 11a-4p, we just waited for the contractions to build up. Started a new show called Cobra Kai and ate the popsicles from the hospital. ALSO important to note that I sent DK to buy snacks in the am and then we later found out once Pitocin is in my system, I can’t eat solids until baby is out. I had like 8 popsicles over the course of waiting. Anyway, come 4p, the contractions were painful enough to request the epidural and by then, I started crying from the pain. It was just like the miscarriage contractions. I think the reminder of that mc coupled with the new pain made it an emotional experience for me again. The tears wet my mask, I muffled my gasps bc of the nurses and I was embarrassed, and my mind was just blank from the pain. I don’t know how women deliver without the epidural!! With the epidural hooked up and several tubes and devices on me, the pain subsided but around 6-7p, a bunch of nurses and doctors stormed into our room saying “baby is a little grumpy so we’re gonna do XYZ”. One staff member started reading off C-section risks to me to get my verbal consent, others tried to get me into an all-fours position, while another put an oxygen mask on me. I think the oxygen mask really freaked me out. Meanwhile DK was off to the side just watching and I didn’t say anything. Eventually things calmed down, we didn’t need the C-section and DK & I agreed that some calmer context would have helped haha. We waited overnight to dilate fully and by 5am on Sunday, we were ready to go! After pushing for 5 minutes, EK was born (cone-shaped and blue) and my first words were, “What the heck!” Once we cleaned up, it hit me how freaking adorable he was. DK sent photos and messages to both families and that was that!

As the epidural wore off and the catheter removed , I was introduced to the wonderful & embarrassing world of urinary incontinence. Almost immediately, I wet myself (a lot!) and the nurses had to tend to me. Thankfully, I heard, read or watched YT videos about this so I was pretty shameless about it. Like, what can I do? I have no control! We got moved to the post partum unit before Sunday noon which was slightly smaller and there, we had a nurse or doctor check on us or EK every other hour. Going to the bathroom every three hours to prevent serious leaking was annoying and the IV became super painful, since I started to move around and hold EK. I was on email for about an hour, canceling & consolidating meetings, and crafting my final week at work message. I decided I needed one more week (even while EK was here) to transition everything smoothly and feel at peace, which is another way of saying “I know it’s unconventional but this is how I want to do things!” I finally checked my phone - not sure why, but I hated the thought of texting or holding conversations during the L&B/pp time. I think I was just exhausted. I slept so poorly with the nurses coming to check on me every hour from the night before and I was just mentally and physically off. 

Come Monday am and with the prospects of going home soon, I felt better and Facetimed umma & appa. When I got wheeled Covid with EK in my arms, the nurse covered his face with the swaddle...covid things to recall years from now. Finally, we got home! And as we lifted EK out from the carseat, DK & I were both kind of amazed. “It’s like we went shopping and came back with a baby!” And the first few nights, of just me and DK, were so special. Just figuring it out. Powered by adrenaline and burning desire to do things right for our baby.

On night 2, EK’s circumcision bandaid had come undone and hung onto his skin by a thread. We didn’t know what to do, since we were told this & that about the circumcision healing process. Anyway, we decided to pull it off and EK’s cries broke me - and I’m pretty sure it tore at DK too. We knew it was already painful for EK but the sight of the swelling, bright red part + his crying was too much for these two new parents. I cried and cried and cried haha. But to conclude the whole circumcision story, after about 1 week of careful tending, he is fully and perfectly healed :)

[itsreallylaterightnow]

Let’s Just Order Take Out From Now On for @blondsak

Aunt May’s always been a pretty bad cook, but never before had she poisoned her nephew

It was just going to be a simple weekend together. It was a long weekend for Peter with school, so he, May, and Happy decided to take a trip up to the compound. They had driven up on Friday as soon as Peter got out of decathlon practice. Peter and Tony had spent hours working in the lab until Pepper had called them up for a movie night.

Saturday had been a day filled with sparring and lab work. Tony and Peter had been eating a late breakfast when Peter had - looking at his waffles - said, “I wonder if I could stick to a non-stick pan?” And it had turned into a four-hour evening of seeing if there was anything Peter couldn’t stick to. The answer had been, so far, nothing.

May had walked into Tony’s lab at 4:30 to find Peter and Tony sitting crisscross on the floor, Peter’s hand in a bowl of water.

“What on earth is happening?” she asked, furrowing her brows as neither of the boys looked at her. She cleared her throat.

“Testing out… to see if I can stick,” Peter had responded, eyes glued to the bowl of water in concentration.

“Stick to what, exactly?”

“Water,” Peter had responded.

“Wow. Alright well. when that fails, you two come on up to the family floor. Dinner is almost ready.” And, watching them with genuine interest as to why they were both considered genius’, she stepped out of the hall.

Peter and Tony turned up in the kitchen not much later, looking disappointed.

“I can’t believe that I don’t stick to water,” came a grumble from Peter.

“But you do stick to wet things. I don’t really understand why you can’t stick to water.” Suddenly Peter perked up, whipping his head around to look at Tony.

“Do you think I could walk on water? Like those water spiders do?”

“I think that since the spider that bit you wasn’t a water spider… then probably not.” Peter just hummed, shrugging his shoulders. He turned to see May and Happy standing at the kitchen island chopping up pickles.

“Are those the- “

“Pickles I made myself last year? Yes, yes, they are,” she had said, a proud smile crossing her face. Peter had smiled before laying across the island to reach into the jar. She swatted at his hand, but he came away from the jar with a pickle, nonetheless.

“You’re going to ruin your dinner!” she jabbed as she resumed chopping. Peter took a big, crunchy bite before leaning forward and grabbing the rest of the jar.

“To be fair, I’m pretty sure I could eat every jar of these pickles and then some and still be hungry enough for dinner. Enhanced metabolism and all,” he had joked. May just set aside the few pickles she had chopped and continued on with cooking.

Peter ended up eating the whole jar, and he could attest to the fact that pickles were one of the few foods his aunt could make well.

They were halfway through dinner, Peter thoroughly enjoying the potato salad when May gasped and buried her face into her hands.

“I’m so dumb! I knew the potato salad was missing something!” Peter looked down where his fork was digging in.

“What’s it missing? It tastes great.” May just gave him a look.

“I chopped up the pickles for it but never put them in.” She went to stand, but Happy grabbed her arm.

“Sit and enjoy your dinner, it tastes just fine without the pickles,” he said, smiling.

“Are you sure? Because it’ll just take a sec- “

“I’m sure. Come on, this is great.” And just like that, it was forgotten.

After dinner, the crew migrated to the living room to watch another movie. Peter had ended up on the corner of the couch, feet tucked under Tony’s legs for warmth as the group watched Good Will Hunting. Peter smacked his lips; his mouth was uncannily dry. He reached down for his water and took a sip. It didn’t help very much, but he really didn’t think anything of it.

As the night progressed, Peter let out a yawn. He moved his mouth around, his face feeling a bit strange. All of the work with Tony had really taken it out of him. By the time the movie was finished Peter was exhausted. His eyelids weighed him down.

“I’m going to head to bed guys,” he muttered, pushing himself to his feet.

“Spider-baby’s already sleeping? You’re getting old on me Pete,” Tony joked as he put his arm around Pepper.

“Yeah well, during all of our – tests, who’s the one doing all the work?” Tony had just chuckled before saying a goodnight.

Peter brushed his teeth quickly before slipping into his pajamas. His stomach felt a bit tight, and he guessed he must have been much more tired than he had thought. He climbed into his bed with a groan, going to scrunch his eyes closed. His face felt oddly… weak? Like he couldn’t move the muscles like he normally could. But the pull of sleep drowned out any thoughts he may have had about the strange feeling.

*****

Waking up to his spider-sense going haywire was never something Peter enjoyed. He would jerk awake with a gasp, looking around frantically to find the problem. But this time when the creeping sense of danger spiked and Peter woke up, he could hardly move.

God, he felt terrible. His throat and mouth felt like they were stuffed with cotton, he could barely breathe, and within a second, he realized he was about to throw up. Peter went to turn over and found himself flailing awkwardly. It was as though his arms and legs were weighed down by ten tons. He could hardly get them to move. He grunted, turning himself on his side, and puked off the side of the bed.

“Fri-," his voice cracked like he hadn’t drunk water for a week. “Lights… Tony…” He tried to stand, needed water. He didn’t even make it to a semi-standing position before he ended up on his face – thanking God that he hadn’t fallen in the vomit. He couldn’t move, and he couldn’t breathe, and he had no clue what was happening.

The lights flickered on in the room, but it didn’t matter because he was just staring at the wall opposite him, dragging in ragged breaths.

He heard pounding footsteps coming down the hall. Tony. Tony would make this better.

“Peter! Pete!” Someone fell on their knees beside him, and hands were rolling Peter over. He stared up at Mr. Stark’s face. The man looked about three seconds away from passing out himself. “FRIDAY, call Helen. Have her meet me in the Med bay. What’s wrong with him? Is he safe to move?” Peter’s spinning brain couldn’t keep up with everything Tony said.

“Dr. Cho is on her way, I am unable to get a read on the reaction Mr. Parker is having, although it looks to be some kind of poisoning. He is safe to move; I would recommend immediate medical treatment.” By the time FRIDAY was saying ‘treatment’ Tony had already lifted a completely limp Peter into the air. The man grunted at the deadweight but took off down the hall.

“Open the elevator, take us to floor three.”  

The events were swirling around Peter. His chest felt like it had when Toomes had dropped the building on him, and he couldn’t move anything. He wanted to throw up, but it seemed as though his stomach was paralyzed as well. He was seeing double Tony’s staring at him.

“You’re alright. Just breathe, okay? Helen’s going to meet us in the Med bay. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to be fine.” Tony was staring down at him looking frazzled, his eyes wide with anxiety. Peter wanted to respond, to tell Tony he was sorry for freaking him out so bad, but his vision was getting darker and darker as the cracking wheezes rattled from his throat. He wanted to explain that he had no idea why he was feeling like this, that he hadn’t done anything reckless to get sick. He felt them moving again, then there were new voices.

“Get him on the bed! FRIDAY, run-down on symptoms. Stark, grab the oxygen mask from behind you.” Peter could hear FRIDAY’s voice, but things were making less and less sense. Something was put over his face, a cool rush of oxygen pulsed into his mouth. He would have sighed with relief if he could have. Then a hand was on his eyes, and something so bright was being shone in them. He grunted again.

A hand slipped into Peter’s loose one, and he felt it squeeze.

“Peter, can you squeeze my hand back?” Helen’s voice came from… somewhere. She was asking him to do something. He liked Helen. Wanted to do what she asked – but he couldn’t remember what it was anymore. “Peter can you hear me?” Who was Peter? Why was he hearing someone? He didn’t know.

He got one last glimpse of a worried face – felt a sharp pain in his stomach – inability to move – couldn’t breathe – it was getting dark again.

*****

Peter woke up to a quiet beeping beside his head. The first thing he felt was the oxygen mask over his mouth, pushing cool air into his lungs. He could feel an IV in his arm, and a soft hand in his. He heard quiet sniffles beside him.

With a mammoth effort he peeled his eyes open, looking down to see May, face buried in the mattress with his hand gripped in hers. He could see her shoulders shaking as she cried. Peter licked his lips as he squeezed her hand.

She shot up suddenly, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Hey baby, oh God it’s good to see you awake,” her voice shook as she raked her free hand through his hair. Peter blinked heavily.

“Wh’re y’o cryin’?” he muttered, and he had no clue how she understood him, but she did. “Am I dyin’?”Her face visibly paled at that, and Peter caught movement from a chair behind her. Mr. Stark looked exhausted, his eyes dark and his hair was a mess as he stepped beside May.

“You’re not dying. Well, not anymore. You’ll be fine,” Tony said, his voice firm. “Your aunt took a page out of my ‘self-deprecation’ hand-book,” Tony said, as May flashed him a dirty look.

“Wha’ happened?” he asked, reaching a clumsy hand up to the mask. Tony caught him before he made it and pushed his hand back onto the mattress.

“Let’s leave that there until Helen says otherwise.”

           May sniffled and looked down. “I poisoned you. I- the pickles… it was Botulinum poisoning in the pickles. I- I’m so sorry, Peter. I can’t believe – I don’t…” She broke off, looking down as more tears trailed down her face.

           “You didn’t mean to. Plus, ‘m fine,” Peter said, but he felt his eyelids growing heavier again, the exhaustion of the … well, he didn’t know how long this whole ordeal had been, but the exhaustion was prevalent anyways. “It’s a good thing you didn’t put them in the potato salad,” he muttered. That would’ve been bad since they didn’t have spider-healing. Peter felt his chest tightening as he thought of May, Happy, Tony, or Pepper having gone through the same thing he had.

           “Hey, bud – you alright?” Tony asked, and Peter noticed the heart monitor was steadily increasing its pace as he forced a few deep breaths.

           “I’m fine. I’m fine.” He muttered, noticing how neither adult in the room believed him.

           “Yeah, well – it’s hard not to blame yourself when you poison your nephew,” she said. She wouldn’t look at him. He hated that she wouldn’t look at him, so he squeezed her hand harder.

           “May, it’s not your fault. Please don’t – don’t feel guilty. It happens,” he had said, stifling a yawn.

           “It does not happen, Peter. I’ve never heard of anyone else poisoning their-” He squeezed her hand again.

           “Don’t. ‘m fine. Plus, I’m really tired, and I won’t be able to sleep if you’re crying by my bed,” he teased, blinking heavily.

           “Oh, sorry. Did I wake you?” she said, but Peter smiled softly as he heard the guilt leaving her voice.

           “Eh, that’s okay.” He closed his eyes, sighing at the feeling of her hands in his hair once more. “Let’s just order takeout from now on.”

[calumance]

LA Devotee - Part VIII

Warnings: much cussing, this part is pretty angsty, ends happily though!

Word count: 3k

Summary: With the guilt of Calum’s kindness eating away at Emily, she figures if he won’t accept payment, there’s only one way to repay him.

A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and sending me lovely messages. There are not enough words in the English language to explain how much I appreciate all of you. ❤️❤️ Happy reading!! Feedback and requests always welcomed!!! (Want to be notified when I post writing? Let me know, and I’ll tag you!)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII

           When my alarm went off I felt like I could barely open my eyes, almost as if they were glued shut from the tears. Being that I cried myself to sleep, I woke up feeling tired and absolutely drained, like sleeping did almost nothing for me. A voice in the back of my head told me to call in and sleep the entire day, but a girl needs to eat. As I sat up on my bed, the crushing weight in my chest coming back made it hard to find the motivation to pull myself to my feet. Barely being able to keep my eyes open, I fumbled my way through my apartment to find the most lazy business casual outfit I could manage. Flats, leggings, an oversized sweater and a messy bun. As per my usual morning routine, I made my coffee and then left, except I didn’t think there was enough coffee in the world to help me get through this day.

           Under the crushing weight of the boulder sitting on my chest, I could still feel a prick of light when I walked up to the car that is causing the pain. I stopped and stood back from the car for a minute, trying to decide if I actually deserved it or not. My head started to spin as I pulled my phone out and sent Calum a text:“I know I’ve thanked you a million times, I just don’t have any words to explain how I feel right now. Please let me know if there is a way I can repay you. Have a great day, Calum. Xx” As I dropped my phone into my bag, I shook the thoughts out of my head and walked to the car. The engine roared to life and I drove my drained self to work. It was different finding my way to the parking garage and walking into the building a different way than I normally do. I sat at my desk, Mikayla already sitting at hers eating her breakfast. “You look like shit, Emily.” She said with a mouth full of the muffin she was eating.

           Although I wanted to be angry at her, not only did I not have the energy to be mad, but I also knew she was right. A sigh left my chest and I shook my head, “I feel like shit.” My eyes connected to Mikayla’s for a second and then I looked around to see if our boss was in yet. “Come with me real fast.” She nodded and I walked her out into the parking garage. We stood in front of my new car and she looked at me confused. When I pressed the unlock button on the keys, she raised her eyebrows. “He bought me a car, in full, and every time I ask him how he wants me to repay him, he says he doesn’t want to be repaid. I should be fucking ecstatic, right?” She nodded, a large smile stretched across her face, “I fucking cried myself to sleep last night. What the hell is wrong with me?” I squatted down to the point where my butt was hovering over the ground. My arms wrapped around my legs as the tears started to form in my eyes. My head shook as I tried to not let the tears spring free. “I feel so fucking guilty, Mikayla.”

           She placed a hand on my back and told me to go back inside with her. I locked the car and we turned to go back inside, her arm linking with mine. She thought about her words for a minute before taking a breath and starting, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, feeling guilty about something like that is totally normal. Especially because you’ve only really gone on one real date with him. It is weird for him to buy you a brand new car after one date. But, maybe that’s just the kind of guy he is?” She shrugged and let go of my arm as we reached our desks. “I also think that you’re feeling things you haven’t felt in a really long time. Like, from what you’ve told me, I don’t think your ex would’ve bought you a car even after being together for thirty years.” She smoothed down the back of her dress as she sat in her desk chair, “Mostly, I think you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed. You never really get a chance to sit down and talk to him, do you?” I shook my head, the only time we actually see each other is on the weekend, and when he shows up at my apartment at three in the morning. Mikayla shrugged as she pulled herself closer to her desk. “I still stand by the fact that you should tell him.” She wasn’t wrong, I just still didn’t want to.

           Around noon, my phone went off, scaring the crap out of me since the ding of the ringtone always seems to be a hundred times louder than the music playing. Calum’s name popped up on my screen and my heart skipped a beat. “Good afternoon, Emily. For the millionth time, it’s not a problem. Come over on Friday and we’ll call it even. I hope you have a great day, talk to you later. Xx Cal.” My eyebrows pulled together and I dropped my phone onto my desk, placing my face in my palms. I looked over my computer at Mikayla who was deeply concentrated in what she was doing. I grab one of the headphones out of my ear, “He texts me telling me that if I go over to his house on Friday, he’ll call it even, but I still feel like shit.”

           She stopped what she was doing and sat straight up to look at me, “So, stop worrying about it. If all he wants is to hang out with you and ‘date’ you, then date him.” She raised her eyebrows and twisted off the top of her water bottle to take a drink.

           I ran my hands down my face and shook my head, “I just don’t want him, or anyone, to think I’m taking advantage of him. Because it’s not like I asked him to buy me the car, he just did it, but I can almost promise you people will see it as me taking advantage of him.” My hands dropped to my desk, causing some knick-knacks to clank and fall over. A few eyes looking at me in confusion. I made and apologetic face to everyone and his my face again.

           Mikayla laughed, “I don’t think you’re taking advantage of him, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think you’re taking advantage of him, stop over thinking everything.” She stood and started grabbing her wallet from her bag. “Are you ready for lunch?” With a hasty nod, I grabbed my wallet and followed her to the elevator.

           Mikayla sat next to me with her food as I read the message for the sixth time. I set my phone down and looked at Mikayla, “What even are we, Mikayla? Like, we’ve hung out multiple times, but we’ve only been on one date, and he buys me a fucking car.”

           After taking a bite, Mikayla shrugged. “Maybe he considers you more.” She raised her eyebrows and chewed for a minute. “Maybe he considers you his girlfriend.”

         My eyebrows stitched together as I stabbed my fork into my food a little harsher than normal, “Don’t you think it’s a little soon for that?” I looked at her without lifting my head and continued to assault my salad.

         She shrugged and swallowed down her food, “Trevor told me he considered us boyfriend and girlfriend after two dates, from the day we met, two dates was two weeks. So, I guess it depends on the couple. However, I believe that you can be dating, and be boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time.” She took another bite and looked at me, “It’s just something you guys have to sit down and talk about.” I clenched my jaw and Mikayla rolled her eyes, “Listen, I know you like him, I’m actually pretty sure you like him more than you think. You are so scared of your past that you’re expecting this to fail. You need to relax, open up to him, and talk to him. Stop trying to hide who you are.”

           I said nothing, she was right. I needed to stop hiding, and running from everything. That’s what I did when I moved here, I ran. In my defense, I had every reason to run from everything that I was running from, but I had almost no reason to run from Calum. With a bit more internal thinking, I finally decided to text him back, “Hi, Cal. The day’s going alright. I have a pretty busy week ahead of me, I would love to come over on Friday, is there anything you would like me to bring? Talk to you later. P.S. I’m afraid of the ocean.”

           It didn’t take very long for him to reply. “No need to bring anything other than your beautiful self, also I think you’re crazy, but google says it’s a popular fear. Does that mean you won’t go to the beach? Xx” A smile stretched across my lips as my cheeks flushed a light pink.

           My fingers danced across the screen as I responded to him, “Can’t wait until Friday. I’ll go to the beach, I just won’t swim. Xx” After the message sent, I locked my phone and smiled to myself, wanting the week to go as quickly as possible.

           When Friday finally did come, I had gotten a little bit more sleep, but the weight that sat on my chest continued to make it hard to breathe. I pulled into Calum’s drive way and parked my car, gripping the steering wheel for half a second before shutting off the car. As I climbed out, I adjusted my blazer and threw my bag over my shoulder. Just as I approached the door, the weight fell from my chest and into my stomach, making me feel as if I was about the throw up on his doorstep. I grabbed my stomach and started to turn around and run away, but Calum opened the door before I could move. “Hey, I heard you pull in.” His eyes ran over me and a smile crept onto his lips. “You look really nice today.” He moved out of the way from the door to give me space to walk in. Before moving, I looked down at myself and thanked him, then sheepishly made my way past him into his house. “Do you want something to drink? I still have a bunch of those drinks I bought for you?”

           “Sure, I’ll take one of those.” He walked into the kitchen and I put my bag on the table by the door. As I followed him into the kitchen, I looked out into his backyard and noticed the ground around his pool was wet. When I looked at him, his hair was wet, but he was wearing fresh clothes. He must’ve been swimming when I pulled up. I scratched the back of my head trying to not think about what his skin looks like wet.

           His hand reaching toward me with a bottle in his hand pulled me out of my thoughts. As I twisted the cap off the bottle, he cracked open a beer for himself and looked at me, “How was your day?” He smiled as he pursed his lips, pressing the bottle against them to take a drink. I just nodded, which caused his eyebrows to pull together. “Is everything alright?” He asked lowering his arm so the bottle was hovering by his stomach.

           “Can we go sit outside?” He nodded and we walked together out into his backyard. After I sat down in one of his wicker chairs, he sat in the one next to me. I continued to wander around in my thoughts until he asked me a second time if everything was alright, this time being a little more concerned. After licking my lips, I finally connected my eyes with his. His brown eyes coated in concern, making my stomach turn slightly. “I know you have told me a million times that I don’t owe you anything for the car, but I also know that I have been holding back on you. I wasn’t wanting to tell you about me for a while, but I finally decided that I am going to repay you by telling you everything there is to know about me.” He raised his eyebrows, but didn’t move a muscle. My voice suddenly became shaky, “But, I feel like once I do tell you everything that you’re not going to want to hang around with me anymore. Which, if that’s how you feel, I’ll respect that and go on my way.” I looked at him and waited for him to respond.

         Calum’s eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but they closed as he continued to stay silent. I sighed as I gathered the strength to tell him everything. My eyes closed as I thought about where to start. Instead of starting slow, a tsunami of word vomit fell from my mouth. “Three months ago, I moved here for a job, which you knew, but what you didn’t know was three months ago was when I signed all of the papers declaring my divorce.” I kept my eyes shut, squeezing them tighter, holding back my tears, “It was a shitty marriage, he was a shitty person, and it only lasted two years. He literally took everything I owned, including my car. The day I met you I got the finalized papers in the mail.” A wave of nausea washed over me and I wrapped my arms around my stomach, my eyes springing open to make sure if I did suddenly vomit, I knew where it was going to land. “I’m so traumatized by everything that happened to me, that I’m terrified that it’s going to happen to me again.” The tears fell down my cheeks, burning on the way down. As I wiped a tear off my face with my pointer finger, I looked at Calum whose eyes were still locked on me. “I’m not even sure if I should be afraid, though, because I don’t even know what we are. I just,” I couldn’t finish, tears began pouring down my cheeks like a waterfall.

           Calum hurriedly put his drink on the table then grabbed either side of my face, brushing the tears away. “Hey,” He cooed, dropping himself so that was he at eye level with me, “Why would you think that would make it so that I didn’t want to hang out with you?”

           My chin quivered trying to hold back more tears. “I didn’t want you to think less of me because I was married, and got a divorce. It was just a shitty relationship and I had to get out of it. I’m actually pretty sure it was an abusive relationship, but I’ve never been to therapy so that’s not exactly conclusive.”

           My eyes fell away from his, and he moved his hands from my face to my shoulders, tugging on me slightly. “Oh, darling, come here.” As I pushed myself away from the chair, he fell backwards onto the ground, sitting do that I could find a place in his lap. He kissed my forehead then wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. My head fell onto his shoulder, and my face nuzzled into the crook of his neck, the tears pouring out again. I was tired, tired of holding this inside, tired of not being able to sleep, tired of fighting all of my demons. A wave of absolute hysterics washed over me as I sobbed into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his torso. He put his hand on the back of my head and tried to calm me. I couldn’t calm down, everything was washing over me all at once, everything I had been feeling for the past three months finally overflowing.

           Calum held onto me, waiting patiently for me to stop crying. It took a while, but I was finally able to compose myself. I apologized and he shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, everything you’re feeling is completely normal. I don’t have a great romantic past either. The last break up I went through was really ugly, and for a long time I wanted nothing to do with relationships.” He paused and I felt a lump in my throat. “But then I met you.” I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. His hand gently resting on the side of my face, “I don’t care that you got divorced, it doesn’t make you any less of a person. It more makes my heart hurt that someone hurt you like that.” His eyes flickered between mine and he ran his thumb up and down on my cheek, “I can promise you that I will never hurt you, ever.” He paused, and a smile returning to his face, “And if it’s alright with you, I’ve been referring to you as my girlfriend for a few days now. I can stop if you’re not comfortable with that.”

           The feeling of wanting to cry washed over me again, but this time it was happy tears. Instead of crying, I grabbed his face and planted my lips on his. This kiss was different though, it was different knowing that I could kiss him whenever I wanted to. It was different knowing that I could refer to him as my boyfriend. Everything just felt different, but it also felt right. It finally felt like everything was right.

[katehuntington]

Title: Ride With Me (part six) Fandom: Supernatural AU Characters series: Reader, Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, Ellen Singer-Harvelle, Jo Singer (Harvelle), Benny Lafitte, Ash Miles, Garth Fitzgerald IV, Castiel Novek, and many more. Timeline: 2008 Pairing: Dean x Reader (eventually) Word count: ±1900 words Summary series: Y/N is a talented horse rider who is on her way to become a professional. In order to convince her father that she deserves the loan needed to start her own farm, she goes to Arizona for six months, to intern at a ranch owned by Bobby and Ellen Singer. Her future is set out, but then she meets a handsome horseman, who goes by the name of Dean Winchester. A heartwarming series about a cowboy who falls for the girl, letting go of the past and the importance of family.  Summary part six: Y/N is getting lost in the feelings that she’s developing for Dean, and it doesn’t take long before Jo takes notice. Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fluff, angst, eventually smut. Swearing, smoking, alcohol intoxication, alcohol abuse. Mutual pining, heartbreak. Crying, nightmares, childhood trauma. Description of animal abuse, domestic violence, mentions of addiction. Financial problems, stress, mental breakdown. Description of blood and injury, hospital scenes, character death, grief. Music: Check out ‘Kate Huntington’s Ride With Me playlist’ on Spotify! Author’s note: Thank you @kittenofdoomage and @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish for helping me. You girls are awesome betas.

Ride With Me Masterlist

     Okay, maybe the tequila last night wasn’t such a good idea. Neither was that margarita the previous night, or the drinking game the night before that one. Or was it the other way around? Y/N cannot seem to recall, but today is Friday, so at least tomorrow she can sleep her way through the headache. Never ever did she drink as much as she did this week. Normally that would bother her, especially considering she’s not here on Spring break. But when the drinks are offered in a time when she needs a little something to stop thinking about that damned Dean Winchester, she couldn't care less about the increase of alcohol consumption.

     She found the balance quite quickly, too. Intoxicated enough to let go of the complexity that comes with growing fondness of the head wrangler, but sober enough to stop herself from doing anything stupid. The consequence is, however, that on this morning ride, her brain feels like it’s trying to expand beyond the size of her head. Thank God her stomach isn't acting up, because Joplin is trotting under her nervously. Seems like Y/N is having trouble finding the ‘walk’ button this early. The hot-blooded mare fails to respond when her rider asks her to slow down by saying ‘ho’ with a calm voice, but when Y/N breathes out, relaxes her legs, and shifts deeper in the saddle only by a fraction of an inch, the black horse transitions to walk.

     “Good girl,” Y/N compliments her.

     Three days without riding were more than she could handle. Meadow needed some time to recover from the long journey and to get used to her new home, but Y/N needed to restrain herself from climbing on the mare’s back anyway. She imagined this was a glimpse of what it would be like to kick an addiction cold turkey, going into withdrawal from the lack of her drug. As if not being able to train her own horse wasn't enough, it took another extra day before Y/N got onto any horse at all. It wasn't until yesterday morning that the supervisor decided that she deserved a shot at proving herself as a wrangler. She had to earn that by mucking, shit scooping, cleaning tack, and turning horses in and out. Which she gets, of course. Dean and Bobby wanted to see what she is made of before they let her ride one of their animals. But boy, was she frustrated. She even got to the point that Garth almost caught her muttering a promise to herself that if she had to clean up some horse’s massive dump one more time without a reward, she would be out of here.

     Yesterday she finally got to accompany a few guests on a trail. It was amazing to feel the horse move under the saddle again, the experience of the communication that she established within a second, and how the perfect fit on his back felt like home. Apparently, she did well, because on this morning ride, she is allowed to come along too.

     Content, she looks ahead at the large group of inexperienced riders, who find their way down the hill with some difficulty. The respect Y/N holds for the trail horses has grown, because their patience and ability to keep their clumsy passengers in the saddle hasn't ceased to amaze her. Bruce, a draft horse mix, has halted several times already, waiting motionless until his overweight German load has pulled himself back into the saddle after slowly tipping to one side. It's quite entertaining to watch.

     As she smiles at what’s playing out in front of her, the sound of hoofsteps close by on the rocky surface reaches her hearing. When she glances over her shoulder, a beautiful buckskin is just about to transition to an easy walk after catching up. Her eyes glide up until they meet his rider.

     “So, how are you this morning?” Dean wonders, a playful smile on his face.      It takes a short moment for her to answer, taken aback by her body’s response to the sight of the wrangler. A whirlwind starts to twist in her stomach, yet the headache suddenly doesn't seem as tormenting as it was a minute ago.      “I'm okay,” she claims.      He grins. “Sure about that? You had quite a few drinks last night.”      “I can handle myself,” she returns defensively, narrowing her eyes at him a little.      “Oh, I’m sure you can.”

     He chuckles, the warm and low sound rumbling deep in his throat triggering Y/N to peek at him from the corner of her eye. Was that a nervousness she detected? Did she just make him uneasy? He looks down, his lips drawn in a small smile. The sun from the east outlines the sharp lines of his jaw, edged by a scruff; apparently he didn't take the time to shave this morning. Boy, is she glad he didn’t.

     “Okay, I'll admit,” she says, trying to take away his insecurities. “My stomach might be a little… unsettled.”      Y/N isn’t lying, although alcohol has nothing to do with the butterflies that came to life inside of her. He doesn't know that, thankfully, yet he keeps a hold of his intern’s gaze for a little while longer, reading her. As if Dean’s horse wants to help love a little, the Quarter sways closer to her horse Joplin, the two of them now riding stirrup to stirrup. His knee slightly brushes against hers every other step and despite that it's barely a touch, she’s highly aware of the physical contact.

     “Don't throw up on your horse if you want to leave a good impression with me. Believe me, it ain't pretty,” Dean half jokes, half flirts.      She throws her head back in a laugh. “Don't worry, I won't. But please don't tell me you have seen that happen.”      “More than once, I'm afraid,” he remembers, turning in his saddle to face his younger cousin. “Ey, Jo?”      The blonde cowgirl, who is about thirty yards behind them, throws him a confused look, since she hasn't picked up a word of their conversation. Puzzled, she watches, inducing the riders further up to laughter.      “No way!” Y/N cries out.      “I ain’t kiddin’,” Dean sniggers. “I'll save that story for another time. Y’know, when your stomach isn't ‘unsettled’ by the same tequila that started Jo’s tale.”

     He spurs his horse, who canters forward to meet the group of guests up ahead. She observes Dean as the morning sun portrays the cowboy and his horse in a romantic light. Out here, away from the city, the Arizona landscape would have anyone believe that they traveled back to the time, when the Wild West was still the real deal. Cacti surround them, peculiar mountain peaks shaped by ten thousand years of wind erosion obstruct the far edge of the world. And in this perfect portrait rides a handsome cowboy, one with his horse, clouds of dust in their wake. An amused smile allows a glimpse of Y/N’s true feelings to shine through. There it is again, that tingly sensation in her belly. Sure, Dean. Blame it on the tequila, she thinks to yourself.

     “What the hell was that?”      Now that Dean left his spot next to her, Jo has caught up, gently pulling the reins as she sits back to bring her horse’s pace down.      Feeling caught, Y/N looks at her, brought off balance by the spite in the cowgirl’s voice. “What do you mean?”      “Oh, c’mon, Yankee. I wasn’t born yesterday, and neither were you. You just completed your master in business, don't act like you're stupid,” Jo counters. “You and Dean, what’s going on?”      The cowgirl eyes her in shock, her jaw dropping unpleasantly surprised. Was it really that obvious? How is she going to talk herself out of this one?      “I - I don't--” she stutters, blood rushing to her face. “There - there's nothing--”      She’s not sure if it’s her shameful expression or the fact that she lost her tongue, but Jo knows enough. She closes her eyes and sighs deeply.      “Y/N…” her friend starts, a mixture of disappointment and pity present in her voice. “Please don't go down that road. He will hurt you so bad you're gonna wish you never gone on that flight that got you here.”      Now the intern sighs too. Denying will not do her any good. Jo is smart enough to see right through it.      “Listen, I really like having you around. You're good company, you're a hard worker, you're great with the horses, and I don’t wanna lose my sis,” the ranch owner’s daughter says genuinely. “I would hate to see you leave because of my heartbreaker of a cousin. I've seen this play out so many times already, don't walk into that trap.”      “I think that ship has sailed,” her friend admits out loud.

     The words startle the woman who speaks them just as much as they stun Jo; she didn't intend to share that with her new friend already. But now that the comment is hovering between them without a way to take it back, a part of her is glad it’s out there. Dean has been about the only thing on her mind since she first saw him. Not being able to talk about that with anyone was driving her mad. She needs to vent to someone, someone she can trust.

     Shocked by the bombshell that Y/N just dropped, Jo turns her head to orient her big eyes towards the man in question. That son of a bitch..      “Well, that didn't take long…” The cowgirl shakes her head, then looks her in the eye after her confession. It's clear she feels sorry for her friend. “I'll talk to him.”      “No! Jo, please don't. Look, I didn't forget about your warning and I’m surely not going to act on these... feelings,” she guarantees, barely able to get out the word. “But I can't shut this off. It caught me by surprise as well.”      “He tends to have that effect on women,” Jo mutters.      “I won't do anything stupid,” Y/N assures her.      Jo glances at the intern from under her hat. “Promise?”

     She looks backs at her new friend. Honestly, she isn’t sure if she’s strong enough to resist Dean, but this agreement might help her stick to the plan. The plan to complete her internship successfully and return home to start her own ranch. It's all she ever wanted, it has been her life goal for as long as she can remember. Is she really going to let some cowboy stop her from fulfilling that dream? A very handsome, sweet, and utterly irresistible cowboy, but nonetheless. She will reach for the stars and she will have her wish, nothing will stand in her way, not even him. And so a reassuring smile forms on her lips.

     “I promise.”

Well, the cat’s out of the bag. Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).

Read part seven here