#ive been waiting for therapy all my life

[nature-played-a-trick-on-me]

.

[littlecutiexox]

Got to hang out with my best friend from high school today after not seeing them for 5 years and I’m so emotional and happy

[aspynnwoofs]

hey, anyone else want to slam their head into a wall any time they have a slightly less good thought?

or anything else really

i just constantly want to destroy my head ig

also bite things (my hand)

[todayisafridaynight]

Hey so Snap this is going to be so fucking weird, but honestly don’t care. So I was watching a clip of Drag Race Philippines and it was the make over episode and I think they were making over family members and this father was all about getting into drag. So, I just wanted to tell you never forget how much of a lovely loving kind and caring father you have, who loves you and protects you and makes you feel heard. That’s all.

i'd have to die before i forget how great my dad is thank you for the opportunity to brag about him again anon

[celestial-sapphicss]

.

[kookslastbutton]

Too Late to Dream ༓ jjk (m) || ch. III

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 3,375

Warnings: 8-year age gap, big flashback of bromance between Tae and JK, slight drunkenness, family drama in-laws, imperfect relationship with parents, pent-up issues/desires, jk has daddy issues, mentions of therapy, kookie trying to be a good husband, needy kook 😶

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: chapter 3 is here! I know its so short 😩 but I promise it sets up the next chapters really well! Also, I wanted to get into jk's background a little this time, his undergrad days, and Taehyung of course. It's a big leap but they're older now so...meh. Tysm for everyone's patience! 💞

<< ch. II ༓ ch. IV >> | series masterlist

There weren’t many people Jungkook envied in his life. He was 34 years old, had top-notch experience as an economist within the business and legal sphere, and taught at one of the finest universities in South Korea. He also earned his Ph.D by the time he hit 30, which was undoubtedly the cherry on top.

But if there was one person who could shake the ground from under his feet it would be Kim Taehyung.

The pair met during undergrad through mutual friends. Jungkook had been invited to an off-campus party his first year and Taehyung was an unexpected third party. The man was so put together that it was as if Michelangelo himself reached down and sculpted him from the clay.

16 years ago

“Hi,” a low, baritone voice rumbles. “I’m Taehyung.” He sticks his hand out, waiting for a shake. He’s a little timid but mostly stands upright with a few pieces of his caramel hair falling over his eyes.

Jungkook chuckles at Taehyung’s stark formality. “What’s up, man!” He slaps Taehyung’s hand casually. “Jeon Jungkook.”

Taehyung reeks of sophistication and has the most annoyingly gorgeous face. His boxy grin could charm the pants off anyone who was two feet from him. Hell, even Jungkook feels a little starstruck by him.

Though barely acquaintances, it doesn’t take long for Jungkook to realize they are on opposite ends of the same stick.

Taehyung comes from a wealthy upper-class family. They have four mansions plus a beach house. Every Christmas, he goes to Italy to visit his aunt and uncle. For his 18th birthday, Taehyung got a brand-new Corvette, red with black rims. Everyone wants to be him…everyone wants a piece of Kim Taehyung.

But underneath the surface of his flashy lifestyle is something oddly endearing. Jungkook can’t quite put his finger on it but as the night goes on, he enjoys the man’s company. Taehyung seems to latch onto him as well which shocks both of them to the core.

“Seriously hyung,” Jungkook slurrs. “I don’t know why you’re hanging around me this whole night when you could be getting off with one of the fifty girls who’ve come up to you. Are you playing it cool are you really a loner or something?”

Taehyung snatches the beer bottle from the younger’s hand. “That’s enough drinking for one night Jungkook. You’re about to pass out, I can tell.”

“I’ll decide when I’ve had enough.” Jungkook grabs the bottle back, taking a big slug before wiping his mouth off with his arm. “Something to know about me Taetae. I live by the work hard, play hard kinda philosophy.”

Taehyung cringes at the pet name but chalks it up to Jungkook being off his rocker. “That’s the type of philosophy that’s gotten my family to spend millions on useless crap. It’s fun for a while but it never lasts. I don’t recommend it Jungkook.”

Jungkook snorts. “So you are a loner huh? Because my parents have been stuck in the same loop for years. All work, no play. It’s caused them both to lose every hair on their head. Do you wanna lose your hair by the time you’re 45 Tae? I wouldn’t think so with those luscious locks of yours. Bet some chick would love to yank on them while–”

“I’m not a loner.” Taehyung interrupts, feeling a surge of embarrassment creep up his cheeks. He knows the looks people shot at him and while he didn’t entirely hate it, it always took more than it gave. All he wanted in those moments was to retreat into himself with his paints. Taehyung loved art and like many, found it therapeutic. “I’m not a loner,” he repeats. “I’m just not interested.”

“Sure you’re not buddy.” Jungkook gives a nod but remains largely unconvinced. “But you didn’t answer my question. Why you hanging around me? I’m not that cool ‘cause if I weren’t here, I’d be at the library right now with my nose in the books. Economics doesn’t slap all the time you know.”

Taehyung is silent for a moment before answering.

“I feel like a normal person with you," he starts. "Everyone looks at me like I’m some spoiled golden boy who they can get a free ticket of off if they talk sweet. And yeah, I’m aware of the advantages I’ve had…the struggles most people have that I don’t. But I’m still a real person that wants what most people do...purpose, belonging, someone that just gets them.”

Taehyung takes a breath before continuing.

"I really fucking love painting. It’s my heartbeat honest to god and I’m tired of being looked at as merely an object of someone’s unfulfilled wishes and desires. I like that I don’t need to worry about that with you. I think...we come from different backgrounds but we’re cut from the same cloth Jungkookie. Oh, are you-are you crying?”

“Fucking beautiful Taetae. You’re straight out of Vanity Fair you know that? I’m more of a Forbes magazine guy myself though.”

Taehyung throws Jungkook a puzzled look. Is he being condescending or is this just the booze talking?

“‘Cause I’m a small-town boy with great ambition, intelligence, and gall? We covered this earlier man, keep up!” Jungkook emphasizes his words, hands flying about.

“Right,” Taehyung joins in, recalling the conversation. “You’re father is an analyst for the city and your mom’s an accountant. They want you to get a job nearby after graduation but you don’t want to because–“

“Because it’s too small, boring, set in its traditional ways, and I for one am not fucking with it.” Jungkook sends Taehyung a lopsided grin. “You got a pretty good memory man. Maybe we can be friends after all.”

“I’m so glad,” Taehyung drawls, a slight trace of sarcasm. Jungkook doesn’t notice, however, too busy staring at the strobe lights dancing across the ceiling.

“Hey!” he suddenly pipes up, eyes wider than before. "What are you doing next Friday?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Why?”

“I got this boring family reunion to go to. Happens every year. I don’t wanna go but my parents force me to. You wanna come?”

Taehyung hesitates. “A family reunion? I know I said we’re cut from the same cloth, but we’re not…related Jungkook.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll ask my parents if I can bring a friend. They won’t give a shit as long as I’m there. Also, I heard from my brother that Ha-Yun’s gonna be there.”

“And Ha-Yun is…?”

“Some girl that my parents want to set me up with. Family friend’s daughter. I went to high school with her.”

“So you think that if I’m there I can be your right-hand man or something? Make you look good in front of your future wife?”

“Fuck no. I’m hoping she’ll go to you instead.” Jungkook laughs when he sees the color draining from Taehyung’s face. “It’s nothing against her bro. She isn’t weird or anything. I say this lightly but, I just don’t wanna go out with her and she’s not my type.”

“I’ll think about clearing my schedule for this but I’m not being your meat on a stick,” Taehyung seethes. “But since we’re on this topic, what is your type?”

“Mm, not sure.” Jungkook shrugs. “Someone who’s unexpecting I guess. Like you shouldn’t be together because it's outside of the usual. But you can’t help it. You gotta have this person or it’s over. What about you?”

“Easy,” Taehyung mutters. “I like artists.”

“Artists huh? Like you? Well, I guess I can understand.” Jungkook smirks before leaning his head back against the couch. “One day, I’ll find an artist for you Tae. I promise.”

Oh, the irony.

present

“Jungkook, stop! I need to get up.” You struggle in his arms, biting back a grin. Jungkook has you in a locked position. His hard chest presses close against your back and his leg hugs your body.

“Mm,” he groans. “It’s not time yet.”

“Yes, it is. Also, you’re nearly suffocating me.”You wiggle your body but to no avail. Your husband always tends to get needier as the school year approaches.

"I just don't want you out of my arms yet. Is that a crime now?"

No. No it's not, you sigh to yourself. By this time next week, you’ll be waking up to an empty bed. "Okay." You glance at the alarm clock. "Ten minutes and then I really need to get ready for work."

"Fifteen," Jungkook mumbles.

"Twelve."

"Thirteen."

"No. It's twelve or I'm going now." Jungkook gives a cute grunt and tightens his grip. He really doesn't want you to leave this morning.

"Fine," he says. "Twelve. But we're snuggling again tonight."

"Jungkook. Can't. Breathe." Being spooned by your husband is nice but this isn't spooning anymore. He's completely cacooning himself over you. As soon you feel him shift his weight off you, hand loosening from your waist, your ribs hum in relief.

After what seems like three minutes of complete silence you decide to bite the bullet and ask the question that's been on your mind for the last couple of days.

"Um Jungkook?"

"Yeah?"

"When we went to get ice cream the other night. There was something that happened...to you." You're uneasy bringing it up but you can't shake your concern. When Jungkook saw the little girl with her dad, he went into a bit of a trance. He didn't talk, didn't move, and was pretty numb to your presence all together.

"Oh god," Jungkook groans. "I was hoping you didn't notice but you're my wife so I guess it's fine."

Crap. Was this a sore subject for him? You twist your head over your shoulder, just enough for your ear to be near his lips. You're in high alert now. "Why weren't you hoping I noticed?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's embarrassing." Jungkook smacks his lips before continuing. "But do we really have to talk about it? Spilling ice cream on my shirt at 34 isn't something I really wanna relive through early morning conversations."

Oh he thinks....of course he thinks that's what you're refering to.

"I'm not talking about you being clumsy Jungkook. I'm talking about the little girl with the ribbons. When she was with her dad, you kinda went a little frozen."

Jungkook doesn't reply immediately so you prod him a little. "I just wanna know if everything was alright. I suppose with our current situation I get it if it hit you in a sort of way. Good or bad, whatever the feeling was, you can tell–"

"They seemed happy is all," he croaks, voice dropping an octave. "The kind of happy that makes someone's entire soul stop, I guess. Like they had something special that no one else could. Does that make sense?"

If you look down you think you'll see goosebumps. The words coming from your husband's mouth are, at most, mumbles but they aren't coming from a place of unease or hesitation. Instead they allude to something warm, wholesome, and new.

"Yeah of course, it makes perfect sense. I had a similar experience when I met Si-woo. The way his face light up when he saw his mom comforted me but I felt envious too. Is that wrong of me?"

"Not at all. I think it's a natural response when you see something you want but don't currently have. You know, there was one thing that popped in my thoughts while I watched that father and his daughter..."

"Hm?"

"I thought, maybe I'll be happy too. If we actually have a kid, we'll be happy together like them or something." Yawning, he continues. "I dunno, honey. Kinda sleepy still so if I fall asleep I love you and I hope work goes well. But we can keep talking if you want."

You untuck your hand from under your head and close it over your husband's arm; the one draped around your waist.

Hope. Real hope.

"Dammit why won't you open?!" Jungkook bangs the jar on the side of the kitchen counter. He's been trying to get it open for the last five minutes. With you at work, it's his turn to prepare dinner.

"Take a breath kid," Yoongi says from the other line of the phone.

Jungkook ignores him of course, continuing beat the shit out of the jar in his hand. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. You stupid jar!"

"Kid!" Yoongi tries again, this time grumbling. "Stop doing that and go get a butter knife or something to hit the side of the lid with. It'll pop right off and I won't sue you for making me go deaf."

"Hyung–"

"Oh I thought you didn't call anyone that anymore. Now that you're a real boy and all. With big boy things." Jungkook shakes his head, hearing the older man snort through the speaker.

"You been talking to Taehyung?" That big mouth, he's become as bad as Jimin. What happened to the more reserved Tae he met in undergrad. He likes him better than this new, cocky mf.

"He may have slipped out a thing or two. But I'm glad to see you're still scared shitless of me that you'll keep calling me hyung."

Jungkook slams the jar on the counter, having enough. "Why the fuck did you call hyung? Can't you tell I'm a little busy right now."

Yoongi chuckles. "Alright I'll stop picking on you. I need a favor. The wife and I want to go out just the two of this weekend. I know you got your professor duties starting but would you and __ be willing to look after our gremlins for a couple hours Saturday?"

"Uh–I'm gonna have to talk to __ about this but maybe?" You and him have babysat for Yoongi's twins a handful of times before. They get a little rowdy but it's been mostly fine. Jungkook's not sure if either of you have the energy or time this weekend though. "I thought you usually got a babysitter."

"Yeah, usually but they're unable to this weekend. I'm hoping this time the babysitter will be you and __. We won't be long but we'd really appreciate it if you guys could do this for us. Could you maybe let me know by Thursday if you can?" Yoongi waits for an answer.

"Yeah alright," Jungkook finally responds. "I'll talk to __ about it when she gets home. No promises though." Jungkook wipes the sweat from his brow. It was a little hot in the kitchen. "Listen Yoongi, I gotta get back to prepping dinner but thanks for that tip about opening the–"

"Jungkook! Hello?" A familiar but muffled voice hollers from the front door. "Are you home?" The door bell is pressed continually without rest.

"Uh my ears," Yoongi pipes. "Who the hell is at your door?"

Jungkook walks towards the front of the house, peaking out the window. What the fuck are those two doing here? "Damn it, I gotta go hyung. My parents have decided to pay an unexpected visit." Before Yoongi has time to reply, Jungkook ends the call.

fuckfuckfuckfuck, he repeats under his breath. Could they not have called beforehand? It's a friggen' ten hour drive. Did someone die or something? Why are they here?

"We can hear you Kookie," Jungkook's mother coos in a sing-songy tone. "No one died. We just wanted to see you and __."

Jungkook opens the front door, not even caring if his face shows he's pissed off. "Mother it'd be nicer if you, I don't know. Planned these things?!"

"I told you," Jungkook's father grippes. "I told you woman, didn't I? We should have called. You never listen to me!"

"Oh shut up you goat," Jungkook's mother pushes her way through the door and into the house. "My son loves me and he's happy to see me." She wraps her arms around Jungkook's waist and presses her cheek against his arm.

"Yeah," his father steps in the house. "He's just jumping with joy with that silly apron on. C'mon, he was obviously in the middle of something. Ugh I'm sorry son. Your mother is, well, you know how she is." He slips out of his shoes and shuffles to the kitchen. "Whatcha cooking anyway? Something good I bet."

Jungkook rubs his face in agitation. __ is not gonna like coming home to his parents running around the house.

"You're not mad at me are you?" His mother lifts her chin, big doe eyes just like his own. "We just missed you and we figured you'll be busy with teaching soon so...we just decided to drive down last night."

Trying to smile, Jungkook brings his arm around her. "No, no I'm not mad. I'm glad to see you and __ will be too."

"Jungkook, why the hell are your parents here?" You force yourself to keep a low voice. Your in-laws were steps away and they had the sharpest pair of ears you knew. You didn't want them to hear a single beat.

Your husband pulls at his hair, pacing small circles around the bedroom. "Trust me, I didn't invite them. They just showed up. I don't even know why they're here besides they just wanted to. I'm really sorry."

You yank your silk blouse over your head, tossing it in the hamper. "I love your parents but you're gonna need to tell them this can't be happening." You change into a basic t-shirt and jeans. "I know they're probably a little lonely with you and your brother so far away but I'd be a far better host with some pre-warnings."

"I know. Mom's just so-" Jungkook pauses, scratching his head. "Persistant...and dad will do whatever she wants."

"Look I get it. Saying no is hard when they just want to see us. But what if we had something going on tonight?"

"You're right, you're right," he sighs. "I'll try bringing it up to them."

"Anything else new happen while I was gone?" You mean it as a joke. You really do. Jungkook gives you a look that says yes though. Excellent.

"Well, uh...Yoongi hyung asked if we could babysit Saturday. Him and the Mrs want to go out but thier regular babysitter isn't available that night."

Groaning, your shoulders slope down. "Wha–uh at this rate why the hell not? I was just looking for more things to do."

"Honey," Jungkook makes his way over to you. "We don't have to if–"

"You guys still in there?!" Jungkook's mother intrudes, pounding on the door. "You better not be having coitus! Though grandchildren would be nice if that were to ever be in the cards."

"Coitus?" You mouth silently. Jungkook's parents were a little old fashioned sure but who the heck still says coitus?

"We'll be out in a second. Can you and dad set the table?" Jungkook responds, girmacing at his mothers word choice.

"Okay but wrap it up in there. I'm only here for two days. I wanna see my beautiful daughter in-law!"

You and Jungkook immediately exchange a slack-jawed expression. "What?" With the door thrown open, your husband's eyeborws furrow. "Mom you can't be serious."

"Oh don't look so worried!" The older woman lets out a restrained chuckle. "We're not gonna stay in the house with you or anything. We got a hotel. But ten hours is a long drive and I really wanted to see you. Your father and I don't hear from you often and you didn't come to the last family reunion. What do you expect us to do? Just not see our son?"

"Please don't say it like that Mom," Jungkook combs his fingers through his hair, teeth grinding together. "You know that __ and I are–"

"Always happy to see you!" You rush next to your husband who's startled by your sudden change in demeanor. "Jungkook's just been a little anxious about returning to the university. But we'd love to spend a couple to days with you and dad. Let's start with dinner!"

You usher everyone down the hall and towards the dining room. Jungkook's mother is filled to the brim with joy while your husband slightly, actually very, concerned.

A/N: Apologies for any editing errors! Also close to adding some spicy stuff but we gonna wait on that a little longer 😉 Lmk what you think and if you wanna join taglist comment or send an ask. Thanks!! 😙💗

Masterlist

Taglist:

@frieschan @oldermenluverrr @tatamicc @kookswifesblog @llallaaa @sunnybyeol @namtaeh @exactlygreatcoffee @whipwhoops @yoongisducky @ktnj91 @junecat18 @thvlover7 @yoongiworshiper @ellesalazar @monbebe234-blog @parkinglot-nights @borahaexoxo @hobiswhore @kimseokjinbangtan @jjk97091 @mk-id @blueberry711 @givemethemaknaes16 @iammartian07 @jjkluver7 @jiminshi20

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

NEW FIC

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

YEAH!

129 for ❄️:

---

“Oh,” Buck blinks. “I thought therapy was Mondays.”

“It is,” Eddie confirms. “There are other kinds of appointments, you know.”

Buck waits for Eddie to elaborate, but it doesn’t come. 

“Ah,” Buck eventually nods. “That kind of massage.”

“Ugh,” Eddie groans, rolling his eyes. “Fuck off.”

Buck smirks.

“Sunday, okay?” Eddie says. “Can we hang out Sunday?” 

Something flickers across Buck’s expression. Too quickly for Eddie to read it.

“Absolutely,” Buck smiles eventually. “Sunday it is.”

iv.

“It was a tragedy, really, that did it,” Charlie explains. 

He’s the first person to volunteer to answer Jodie’s question. Eddie thinks he’s sort of brave. Jodie’s question isn’t easy. Eddie’s not sure where he’d even start. What was the thing - the event or decision - that made you want to make this change? 

That’s trickier than it sounds, right? She’s not asking, when did you know you were gay, exactly. This isn’t as cut and dry as it was for Buck. No, well one day a guy came up and kissed me and I thought, yep, liked that, too. Though, he’s sure it is more complicated for Buck. Just, sometimes Eddie envies that Buck went from not knowing to knowing, like a light switch. There was no knowing and then trying desperately not to know. 

Jodie isn’t asking, when did you know? She’s asking, when did you stop trying not to know? When did you stop ignoring it? Why have you quit trying to shove it down, lock it away, and look in the opposite direction? And that’s a more complicated question. 

“A series of tragedies, actually,” Charlie continues. “My mother died. Ovarian cancer. Two years later, I lost my brother and his family. He was an addict and… Well, it was bad. Really bad. I was lost. I didn’t understand him. Hated him, really. Had for a long time, and I felt guilt for hating him. My wife - uh, my ex now - she’s the one who suggested I go to Al-Anon.”

Eddie understands guilt and anger and the endless spiral they can create. Not that it’s ever been related to addiction in his own life. But he thinks he can understand how a space for that might have been healthy. Might have kept him out of other spaces. Like cage fights, for example. 

“It all kind of spiraled from there, I guess. In figuring out a way to have empathy for everything my brother had been trying to drink away, I guess I sort of opened a can of worms. All the things I’d forced myself not to look at. Couldn’t put the lid back on it.”

Eddie can’t put a lid back on it either. That’s why he’s here, right? His attempts have failed. Badly. His attempts to put a lid on it sent his son packing for another state. Even he didn’t exactly recognize them for what they were, at the time.

“Six months after starting Al-Anon, I asked my wife for a divorce. She thought I’d lost my mind,” Charlie says. “It didn’t go well. Broke the kids’ hearts. I never explained it to them. That’s still… A problem. It’s been almost ten years.”

Panic grips Eddie’s chest. Ten years? Charlie’s relationship with his kids has been fractured for ten years? Eddie can’t do that. He can’t let that be him. Christopher has been gone not even a full month at this point and he feels like he’s dying a little bit every day. What would a decade do to him? Chris, almost twenty-four and still hating Eddie? Eddie would die. He would wither and die. 

“Eddie,” Jodie says. Eddie flinches at being perceived. “You just had quite a reaction to what Charlie said. Why is that?”

“Sorry,” Eddie mumbles. “It’s nothing.”

Charlie’s face tightens, and Eddie realizes he must think he’s being judged. That Eddie thinks he’s a bad dad or something. Shit. 

“I just…” Eddie starts again, trying to repair any unintentional damage. “My son isn’t talking to me either, right now. So I… Uh, empathize. That’s all.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Charlie replies. A little stiff, but Eddie can hear the relief in his voice. 

Eddie nods. 

“Eddie, would you like to go next?” Jodie asks.

Fuck. Why couldn’t Eddie just keep his damn face still?

“No,” Eddie admits, earning himself a chuckle from the other participants. “But, uh, I guess I will.”

“Thank you,” Jodie replies patiently. 

Eddie takes a deep breath. He doesn’t really want to tell this story. It makes him seem deranged. Unhinged. Like a bad person, even. He doesn’t think he’s a bad person. But what if they all hear his story and think that he is?

“Uh…” Eddie starts, trailing off. 

Charlie gives him a little nod. Encouraging him forward. Eddie feels a little surge of reassurance. Right. Charlie shared his story and probably thought the same way. Because, on the surface, it looks sort of similar, doesn’t it? A guy blowing up his life. Hurting a woman who loved him. Hurting his children. They aren’t that different. And Eddie doesn’t think Charlie is a bad person at all.

“So…” Eddie takes a deep breath. 

He’s not sure where to start, actually. Does he start with thoughts he tried to shove away and pray away as a teenager? Does he start with getting Shannon pregnant? Does he start with her dying?

[louisferrignojr]

i cant watch the tsunami eps 😭 ive only watched it once and then skipped one or both eps on the 2nd rewatch. it was so stressful!!!! i knew christopher was gonna be ok - the joys of watching the whole show years after the air dates - but it was still so fucking stressful!

however in revisiting the source material (3x01):

i literally *just* realised bobby was lying through his teeth telling buck that "chief alonso" and "the department" are concerned about "liability issues" - not that he was wrong to be worried because buck was cleared and recertified and then he coughed up blood and passed out and what he said that the doctors don't know what's causing the clots + buck being on blood thinners = yeah, you shouldn't be putting yourself in risky situations. which. is the whole job.

and i also just realised buck quit because bobby said he would only ever be cleared for light duty. i honestly thought buck was wrong to quit instead of waiting until his health issues got sorted. even if it had already been 5 months since has was on medical leave. see aforementioned coughing up blood and passing out. but bobby wanting to bench him FOREVER? because of *his* own personal issues? real "i made a mistake so im putting my kid under lock and key so they dont make the mistake" energy of overprotective parents.

and you know what you could do if you believe your subordinate and/or "son" is putting too much focus on his job and not enough on outside-of-work life? send him to ✨ counselling ✨ (hey, he has the authority to issue department mandated therapy like he did for eddie in s5, no?) go learn all about work life balance, buck. so. big L for bobby, tbh. maybe he should go to some self-mandated counselling too, huh?

AND THEN. BUCK SURVIVES A WHOLE ASS TSUNAMI. SAVES HIMSELF + KEEPS CHRISTOPHER SAFE (before the second wave hits iirc?) + SAVES A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE. and bobby sees all that and still doesn't budge? like. he's clearly alright.

speaking of people too lost in their own issues to sympathise with buck who's going through a fucking rough period: *side eyes eddie* (even though dragging buck out of bed and sending him off with christopher is one of the most genius moves. need me a freak like that when im in the depression pit 😔) (but then saying "[christopher] never feels sorry for himself" eddie im gonna bonk you on the head with a newspaper)

i don't understand how i missed a lot of these little details. i feel like i definitely sympathise with buck a lot more now. he was basically told that his options are desk duty or nothing? instead of "desk duty until you are cleared by the doctors" which is obviously necessary for new symptoms. and the fact that someone he trusts so much was responsible for the fact that he lost his job. that would have hurt.

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt. 60)

(sneek peak)(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: Life changes come in many many forms; courting gifts, leaving jobs, and...Murder

Tags: Slow burn getting warmer, Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, Trans! Tae, Transphobia, gender thoughts, workplace discrimination, flashbacks, murder, graphic violence blood, suicidal actions

W/c: 11.5k

A/n: ah i'm hoping i'll finish this in time! if not T-T i'll be attending my cousins wedding at the time this is posted so! give me lots of love when you read it cuz i'm so nervous~ i've never been around so many fancy people before. also that photo of hobi? in the moodboard? tell me why it makes my heart FLUTTER!!!

Previous part ~ Masterlist

~-~

Chapter 60: Glass Slippers

Your breath goes just a little bit rapid, just a little, hitching when you think of it.

“Did Jin tell you anything?”

“He didn’t. Although my secretary did inform me that he filled out the paperwork for you.” The air in the therapist’s office is cold. Cold enough that it has you wrapping your sweater sleeves over your knuckles.

Your cheeks heat “My pack they- get a bit- protective.” Your fingers circle your wrist. You’re glad that Hobi convinced you to take one of his sweatshirts. He'd had a strange look on his face while he zipped it up, and you'd had to worry and wonder about it the whole morning. You'd worried more once he texted, just after he must have gotten to work.

“I have kind of a history of self-destructive behavior and I- I kind fell into bad habits a few days ago and blew up. It was all kind of triggered by this like- thing that happened with me and my other packmate.” It’s surprisingly easy to tell the truth.

You’re a right side better than you have been the last few weeks, now. A little bit more present, less foggy. The doctor just looks at her screen and not at you. What is it with her asking questions that make you not want to lie? Why does it feel like you should anyway?

Dr. Rima reads between the lines, what you're trying to say without saying it. “Is there a possibility of you hurting yourself again?” She clicks at the screen a little rapidly.

“No.”

The truth is you have no idea. It seems best to lie in this situation. But you consider it; one of your packmates making the call that you are too much to handle, that you need more help than they can offer. You imagine what it would be like to be in inpatient care. Grippy socks and group therapy and probably observed mealtimes. Maybe Iv's and feeding tubes if it came to that. Away from the pack and away from Yoongi.

He’s just downstairs, but that feels too far. There was no way that he was going to let you do this alone, you wouldn't be surprised if he never left the waiting room.

It’s just a therapy session. The very thing that you once refused. But now that you're here you might as well heal, you might as well work to stop this endless train of brief highs and endless lows. you'll give it a go, why not? What do you have to lose?

And yet, the texts from Hobi remain unanswered:

Ho-🐝 (9:48): Hey, I’m really proud of you.

Ho-🐝 (9:48): I’m really happy I get to be your packmate. In case you ever worry.

Ho-🐝 (9:49): And your best friend too <3

Ho-🐝 (9:51): Just so you knowwww

Coming Saturday September 23rd at 5pm EST (Time Zone Adjustment Below)

[thechthonicherbalist]

A belated Hiatus Post

I have been rather inactive for the past 3 months & received a lot of notifs about it. I won't be able to answer all of them, sorry for that. Here's my attempt to try & lay open a little why I've been gone and what the coming months will bring. I have pondered long how to write this in the least hurtful way, while also expressing my own emotions & experiences.

Those of you, who have followed my journey on pretty much any other page, probably know that I'm chronically ill with autoimmune disease, homebound since over a decade, that I got cardiovascular damage as a side effect & that since 2021/22 my condition severely worsened & often leaves me mostly bedridden for weeks at a time. I shared about the numerous surgeries & medical treatments I had in the past year, how I've slowly lost the ability to digest food before & require parenteral nutrition via an IV port since September '23. As well as how I tested positive for GI cancer in March. I've been waiting for an appointment to remove growths, cauterize multiple ulcers & take tissue samples to test for malignant cells since & been gone for a 6 week long hospital stay with a number of surgeries after September 16th & was taking time to recover from that since. My mental health has gone really bad in the past year as well, for a number of other reasons but also this. I've experienced the biggest cptsd relapse I've had in the past 20 years in the past 14 months. I went from stable & happy, despite my illness and a low-contact situation with family, after almost 2 decades of therapy & inner child healing to escape and recover from an abusive childhood home; keeping my cortisol low and my nervous system calm to prevent further autoimmune flares & to be able to cope with my fatigue enough to do my work and happily make art and write... ...to the point where since about a year I'm in the middle of a full blown relapse of complex PTSD, severe depression and anxiety that has little to do with my offline life. Despite numerous attempts to resolve or remove myself from the underlying situation in order to preserve my well-being and safety, requesting acute intense psychiatric care during hospital stays more than 8 times, as well as consulting regular therapy sessions in social psychiatric help centres since January and ultimately return to therapy since June, I've only started to experience relief more recently.

🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐

And this is where the good news start!

🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐🌟⭐

In the past 2 months, I have finally been able to take care of myself, my work, household and hobbies & properly rest again, without constant exposure to anxiety inducing situations. And while the time in which I had surgery was still horrendous for a number of situations related to this, I have at least started chemotherapy now, without having to constantly fear that something terrible will happen again when I'm most vulnerable right before, during or right after my treatments or other crisis in my private life. So far the treatment is effective, even though I have all the unpleasant side effects that come with it. Overall my life is much calmer now and I don't live in constant anxiety anymore, which is a huge win for me. Moving forward, I want to return to doing things that are good for me & were originally intended for this blog, now that I can finally rest, heal, take care of my health and actually thrive & be productive at my own pace in peace.

So despite the fact that I won't be super active, here are my plans for the future:

Make more original art and art dedicated to my own passions and projects again and actually post them. I had started a series on learning to do folkloric art as well as a series on intrudcing MBTI personalities, glimpses into their lives, lots of research, writing small articles and doing my own art for this, in 2022.

Return to my passion projects from 2022/2023 (all NSFW): - My 9-pieced fanfiction series "Lestat's Lovers" and Art for it - My 8-pieced fanfic series "Things I didn't tell Thetis" - My 4-pieced series "To love a thing Death can touch" I have wanted to continue writing for a long time. The plot for the first one has been with me for 17 years & is deeply intertwined with my internal universe. I've always hungered to write & share it with the world with the art I used to make for it, but never finished or even started. It was devastating to be unable to do that for so long.

Post about my journey as a native practitioner of Bohémien Romani Culture, Slavo-Celtic Shaman-/Druidism and Kabbalistic Judaism, as well as the taught believes of Hellenism, Christianity and Christian Satanism in the past 20+ years, present and future.

Translate & publish the vast knowledge I've assembled about herbs & other natural substances, their uses in historic and folk medicine, magic, alchemy, spirituality, etc, their historic significance and much more. It's been a big interest since my childhood, I was taken on hikes to collect herbs & materials for homemade remedies and other things and taught how to make them from scratch, since I could be taken out in a baby sling.

Make blog posts about my culture, including its folklore, mythology, rites, magic etc. and post them here. (I borrowed books about this from the library, so I can give reading recommendations and cite interesting sources! :D)

Create a side blog about my music recommendations, as I'm very passionate about a lot of genres and want to keep things more sorted. <3

Stop being scared to make posts for my mental health & healing journey again, even if they might still get misinterpreted. I can't take the responsibility to manage others' perception & emotions or literally anything else they should work out themselves.

[mvrtaiswriting]

Hello! I have a request. It's a reader X Ace from One Piece story. It shows the aftermath of Ace defeating Blackbeard and the reader caring for him as he recovers from his injuries. Ace didn't fight alone. The reader was at his side, and it changed history. The reader has the Crew Crew fruit, which has similarities with Bolo Betty's Kobu Kobu no Mi. They're empowered by, and empower others, by the depth and quality of their bonds. The connection they had with Ace pushed them both through to victory. The reader truly believes Ace can become pirate king, and is thankful to have the opportunity to save him, as he saved them in the past. Here's the song.

The Great War x Portgas D. Ace ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :

First of all, I just want to thank you for requesting this and trusting me with this beautiful idea. I apologise if it took a while - I literally got so lost in it. This was such a wonderful idea, so kudos to you! I hope this meets your expectations - I loved writing it and I love the idea of Ace being alive and well, loved and surrounded by people who cherish him. This felt like therapy, this boy deserves the world and I love him so very dearly. Enjoy!

1.6k words | gender neutral | usual one piece violence | mention of IVs and hospital stuff.

feel free to reblog, like, and leave a comment. i would very much appreciate it. if you enjoy my works, click here to read more or buy me a coffee.

Running your fingers through his raven locks, you watched as Ace rested by your side. If it wasn't for all the patches and bandages covering his body, it almost seemed like one of his usual peaceful naps. Yet, in the cold of Marco's hospital room, Ace continued his battle and this time, the only help you could give him was sleeping next to him in an uncomfortable chair waiting for him to wake up.

The battle with Blackbeard was one of the most atrocious battles the world had ever witnessed: for Ace, it meant everything. He would have either avenged his dear Pops or died trying - and no one could convince him otherwise. Blackbeard was the living representation of his failures - if only he had been a better son, a better commander, a stronger pirate.. things would have been different. Defeating him meant more than simple revenge: it was Ace's way to honour Whitebeard's legacy, it was Ace's way to remember all the friends and comrades who lost their lives to protect his. For this exact reason, Ace wanted to it alone; he didn't want to lose anyone else - not Marco, not you.

"This is not your fight."

He muttered in response when you and Marco explained your plan to him - you had meticulously studied Blackbeard's devil's fruit and history, you had traced his past routes and the most likely route his ship would have taken to reach the next poneglyph. But Ace didn't want to listen, he didn't want to put your lives at risk - he couldn't tolerate the mere idea of losing you, he didn't want you anywhere near the battlefield regardless of how strong you were.

The months that preceded the battle were intense. Ace trained relentlessly under Rayleigh's careful supervision, pushing his body to its limits and doing his best to awaken his devil fruit's power. When he wasn't training and his body ached from the strain it had to endure, Ace wanted nothing else that spending time with you. His rest days were his excuse to kidnap you from the rest of the crew - he wanted you all for himself, savouring every second he got to spend with you. Despite his confidence and training, he knew his enemy wouldn't be an easy one to face - Blackbeard had the blood of many on his hands, and Ace feared his could only add up to the list. When he wasn't training, blinded by rage and determination, a small part of Ace couldn't help but be afraid.

What if this fight was the big fiasco of his life? What if he wasn't able to defeat Blackbeard, wasting the life his loved ones have protected and traded with theirs? These questions pounded Ace's head constantly, they haunted his sleep and hammered his mind during the day. Ace could only feel peace when he was around you. With you around, Ace felt as if he could conquer the world. The first time he felt like this, you were drunkenly opening your hearts to one another.

"You'll be the king of pirates one day, Fire Fist. And I'll be there, first row."

You slurred, raising your beer to cheer it against his hat, as if it was his crown. That night, the blood in your veins was probably being replaced by the booze you and Ace had chucked down - yet, he knew your words were sincere. He knew you meant every word because as you pronounced them, it felt as if they were being directly engraved onto his heart. This was partly the reason why he decided to get Blackbeard's head - seeing the way you believed in him, the rush of adrenaline he felt every time you reminded him of the immense potential he had.

Drunken talks became slow afternoons in which you just enjoyed each others' company, casually lying in each other's arms and falling asleep in a bed that was way too small to hold two people. Waking up to you peacefully resting on his chest, sharing kisses behind the closed door of his room - these were all things Ace wasn't willing to risk.

"If I make it out alive, I swear I'll marry you."

He whispered in your ear as you softly snored the morning away, lying against his warm body.

Despite Ace's reprimands, you and Marco trained just as much as he did. Your help could have been decisive in battle, and regardless of Ace's approval, you would have done everything in your power to fight by his side - after all, your help could have been decisive. Up until then, you always believed that your devil fruit was useless - it didn't give you any special powers nor any type of supernatural strength. It was hard to really grasp the utility of a devil fruit that strengthened others and not its main user. Your devil fruit wasn't one you could really rely on - you had noticed how its effects were not linear or equal, the boost you were able to give was always spread unevenly among your fellow comrades.

As with any other devil fruit, you had to learn by doing - uncovering any underlying functionality of your peculiar power and eventually awaken the devil fruit. So when the day of the battle finally arrived, you weren't exactly ready - of course, your skills on the battle ground were impeccable, but you weren't sure that would be enough.

"We'll have your back, whether you like it or not." Marco said to Ace, shrugging his shoulders. Before Ace could argue against it, you and Marco had already jumped off the ship, making your way into the island.

The horrors witnessed during the battle between Ace and Blackbeard were for the history books - their fight was intense, infinite, and had immense repercussion on everything and everyone around them. No type of training could have prepared Ace's body to the pain and strain he had to endure, punch after punch, every low sweep and unfair move after the other. The fate of the battle seemed to be decided when Ace's fire became weaker and weaker, the powers of his dear devil fruit slipping out of his control and not responding to him anymore - allowing every blow to land exactly where it was meant to, slowing his movements and nullifying his attacks.

Something shifted inside him when he finally heard your voice, screaming his name at the top of your lungs. Ace's back was now against the floor, his throat giving up under Blackbeard's heavy boot pressing against his neck.

"ACE! PLEASE!" You screamed again, your voice breaking as you watched him helplessly laying on the floor, air leaving his lungs as Blackbeard pressed his whole weight against his airways. A shiver run down your spine as your felt your devil fruit powers rushing through you - a shot of adrenaline running all over your body. Marco quickly glared at you in amusement, immediately regaining his strengths and jumping into the battle once again - even his phoenix looked brighter.

What happened afterwards felt like a blur - Ace's flames responding to him once again, flickering and roaring against Blackbeard. In moments that felt like an eternity, a new age of piracy began.

Winning didn't come without a price, and after the sudden rush of adrenaline and strength that allowed Ace to defeat Blackbeard, he fell to his knees, letting his body crash against the cold soil underneath him. The state of his wounds was more critical than imagined, so when you and Marco finally reached him, you feared there wouldn't be nothing you could do to save him. Despite the temporary recovery of powers, even Marco was now feeling dreaded, exhausted from the battle - and his healing abilities were simply not enough.

"That was you." Marco finally spoke, lifting Ace's body and carrying it on his shoulders.

"Don't tell Ace, but this is your win."

Marco giggled, making his way towards the ship.

"That sudden rush of energy.. I've never seen Ace fight like that - a man in his state could never bounce back the way he did. Even I regained a lot of energy, and that scream wasn't definitely for me.. sounds like something your devil fruit could do."

Marco continued, noticing the confused look on his face.

Ace's recovery was slow - he had been asleep for more than a week now, always under the careful eyes of his trusted doctor and friend. His entire body was wrapped in bandages, IVs and all sorts of tubes coming out of his arms to keep him stable - and he was. Marco kept repeating that his vitals looked fine, but Ace just didn't wake up. So you stayed by his side, spending each day next to his hospital bed, waiting for him to come back to you.

"Hey.." Ace whispered, his words quickly being interrupted by a cough. Hearing Ace's voice almost made you jump from your seat, the biggest smile forming on your lips as your eyes quickly scanned over his face.

"Hi."

Was all you managed to say, trying to fight back the tears that were already clouding your vision. Taking his hands into yours, you left a soft kiss on his knuckles.

"How's my pirate king doing?"

You teased, causing Ace to giggle in response. Freeing his hand from yours, he quickly reached for your face, leaving a gentle caress on your cheek. A shiver ran down your spine as you leaned into Ace's touch, melting against the palm of his hand.

"I gotta ask you something." Ace smirked, the slyest of smiles painted on his lips as flashback of that morning ran just before his eyes. Proposing on an hospital bed wasn't ideal nor romantic, but to Ace, it felt right. He vowed he would always be yours if he survived the war against Blackbeard - and now that he did, there was only one thing left to do.

[th3-ann0unc3r]

***********MAJOR ARCANE SPOILERS PLS DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT TI BE SPOILED**********

*****YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED********

*****GO WATCH IT ITS REALLY GOOD I CRIED VERY HARD****

THEY REALLY KILLED JINX OFF LIKE THAT??!?!!?!? SHE WAS TOLD HER WHOLE LIFE YOU DO EVERYTHING WRONG AND THE ONLY FUCKING 2 PEOPLE WHO DIDNT BELIEVE THAT SHE DIED FOR UGHHHHHHHHH I LOVE IT BUT DAMN I WISH SHE GOT A BETTER REDEMPTION ARC!!!!

also isha DIDNT need to die at all. SHE DIED THE EXACT WAY JINX DID PROTECTING PEOPLE SHE CARED ABOUT FROM THE SAME FUCKING MONSTER.

ALSO FUCJ JAYCE HE CAN GO TI HELL. IF HE WOULD HAVE JUST LEFT HIS OWN SHIT ALONE AND SAID WAIT MAYBE I DONT NEED TO KILL VIKTOR NOBODY ELSE WOULD HAVE DIED. THEY ALL DIED BECAUSE OF THE STUPID FACT HE “WASNT GOING TO FAIL” I HATE THAT MAN. LIKE WE GET IT YOUR JELOUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS LITERALLY EXTENDING HIS POWER TO THE UNIVERSE BUT GOD DAMN MAN.

i would also like to thank the wonderful writers for cativi BUT YOU WILL BE GETTING MY THERAPY BILL FOR KILLING ISHA!!!!

THEM GIVING MEL POWERS WAS THE BEST TJING EVER LIKE SHE WAS ONE IF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT FUCKJNG CITY AND SHE HAD LITERALLY NOTHING BUT SOME WAR SKILLS???? i kiss the ground of the writer who thought to give her powers!!!!

I also hate that vi literally went against every moral she had becoming an enforcer but idk it just felt wrong watching vi track down her sister after saying her whole life she cared so much about her and her well being

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤤🤤🤤🤤eye patch Caitlyn 😝😝😝😝😼😼😼😼

IM ADDING ON AFTER IVE ALREADY POSTED THIS EKKO MY BELOVED HE WAS ON OF THE BEST WRITTEN CHARACTERS AND HE GENUINELY IS A GOOD PERSON I LOVE THAT FACT HE LITERALLY HATED JINX AND THEN SAW HER IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT WHEN HE REALIZED SHE WAS A SCARED KID IN A MANIC WOMENS BODY!!!!

ALSO THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE EPISODE IS ONE OF THE BEST PEICES OF MEDIA TO EVER EXISTS THANK YOU!!!!

ADDING MORE AGAIN the way vi saw humanity in jinx after she slapped isha and the first thing jinx did was check on isha HURTS MW SO MUCH IT WAS SO BUTIFUEL UGHHHHHHH.

also maddie hate club

Thank you all for listening to my rant!

[nordidia]

Regardless of how much attention they got, what are three things you've written or drawn that you're most proud of?

oh i love this question...

so i think what i get most proud of are my long comics,, despite the drawings being simple, i think i put alot more effort into just finishing them than i do like. coloured pieces etc... doing full pieces is more leisure than struggling to finish a long ass comic yknow. especially if its mental health related, i put alot of effort into them

so i think the one im most proud of is the sunset duo comic about PTSD flashbacks the way i experience them.,. i never really saw people talk about how they are for me so i decided to do it myself

alot of people find comfort in it because they also have been longing for someone to talk about those kinds of flashbacks, where its not really pictures or specific memories, but more the feelings you felt during it. alot of people who have repressed memories have flashbacks this way it was very... cathargic. its the first thing that pops into my head when people ask about my emotion-comics. i think its my favorite

another one i really like is this one.

its my first deep comic like that, and it kinda kicked off something in me, knowing what i wanted to create. its kinda old now, and my art has evolved somewhat, ive been thinking of re-doing it sometime

alot of my comics that are like this are based on my own struggles, and i make them to deal with my own, hoping that posting them will make others feel less alone. i also base leo on my irl bff like 98% of the time, and this was one of them.

i think that it marks kind of "the first" of stuff that i've gotten feedback on that it has helped others, and looking back on it gives me alot of motivation to continue doing art

hmm third one i really love is this one, with april

i had this huge idea of going into detail about things, my own take on things. and i held that idea until i started drawing, and as i got to the end i realised: "wait.. i dont want to think about this. i dont want to have a take on someone's pointless suffering. i dont want him to have to remember it either. why do all comics have to elaborate on the struggling and then everything being okay? thats not how it works" and ended up completely re-writing it. i think it made it alot more in character too

at the time, i was in therapy. and we would often talk about what i do in my daily life and i would talk about the comics i make. and this was one she really liked hearing about, and she had a lot of praise for the way i ended it when i told her about my trail of thought

i hope this is comprehensible jdajkgfdsjk !!

i thinik. i like my art that includes leo .. is some of my favorite... i like writing him. he's very kind. he loves and respects raph alot, and i think he understands raph on a deeper level in some way. i cant explain it but. yueah!!! if i could have a fourth favorite it would be this one

[itsaspectrumcomic]

hi im really sorry to bother you, and obvs you dont need to answer this at all im just some internet guy lol but do you think i could get some advice?

so ive been diagnosed with autism for like, 5 years (was diagnosed p late, in comparison to others) and im beginning to have some real goddamn big suspicions that i Also have adhd (because. yaknow. the gift that keeps on giving yk? lol). i have a lot of really major issues with executive dysfunction that is directly impacting schoolwork and also a lot of stuff in my life, generally. ive also got a lot of memory issues nd junk

and the thing is; ive got a therapist, but due to a whole slew of things im really scared to like, bring this up with her yk? and, like, im a minor so i cant exactly just seek it out myself yk? and i cant really talk to my parents about it because my mom is a very specific kind of vaguely ableist and my dad generally just isnt involved with that whole section of my being, yk? like, he doesnt manage any of my therapy, aside from bringing me to appointments when my mother isnt available.

and like, ive brought certain things UP to my therapist before and it went mostly ok, aside from one pretty distressing misunderstanding but it feels different for this one because i really do need medication for this, i feel. and thats a whole thing with my mother specifically, since at the start of the whole diagnosis process she outright refused the idea of medication and like. idk man, im so super sorry to write a whole bullshit essay when you're literally just vibing but yk. idk who else to ask lol, and you seem like you know what youre doing i guess?

real sorry. thanks in advance. insert other applicable signoff message here

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Your therapist should be someone you can talk to about things like this but I understand being anxious about it. Are you afraid to bring it up because she's said ableist/anti-adhd stuff in the past or you have reason to suspect she won't help? If that's the case I really recommend trying to get a different therapist if you can. You deserve a therapist you feel safe sharing things like this with.

If it's impacting schoolwork it might be worth talking to your teachers to see if there's any additional support you can get from them. You don't have to tell them you suspect ADHD if you don't want to, you can just tell them you've been struggling with certain aspects of school and hopefully they can help. School is hard for lots of people so know you're not alone.

It might be different where you live, but in the UK you're able to make your own doctors appointments if you're over 16 so asking a doctor about getting a referral for a diagnosis/medication could be an option as well. Although waiting lists for that are incredibly long at the moment - I've personally been waiting nearly a year just to get an appointment 🙃

In the meantime, have you heard of How to ADHD on YouTube? Her channel has lots of videos with advice and various discussions about living with ADHD which you might find helpful.

Sorry I don't know if that helped much but I hope you're able to get support soon!

[radioactive-dazey]

My thoughts on Thomas Sanders (criticism but more of me complaining)

Something I don't see people talk about nearly enough (read: not at all) is the fact that, we are still analyzing videos that came out 4+ years ago.

It's not the "analyzing old videos" that's the problem. It's the fact there hasn't been any new content since then. It really feels like (at least to me) the fandom (once again, could be just me) is desperately picking at episodes like POF or SVS for any scraps left behind.

I started one of my fics about a year after POF came out and I remember being nervous because "This takes place immediately after putting others first, this could become really dated really fast"

Turns out I had nothing to worry about.

Lack of plot relevant content is one thing. Everything else that has resurfaced rubs salt in the wound.

Oh, and now to address the fandom itself: some of yall have an insane perspective on everything. I'm all for trying to be objective about the criticism (bc lets be real, one or two things ive seen circulating makes me scratch my head,) but blatantly defending Thomas with "he doesn't owe you anything" is so fucking WILD to me.

He's a content creator. It's his job to make content. Ofc nobody expects him to pump it out like a factory machine, and there's mental health to consider, but it is still his job to make content.

I don't even know where this ideology came from. Who sent you all down that path. Was it Thomas complaining setting a boundary over someone demanding content?

For clarification I don't think anyone should be messaging Thomas to demand content but like... come on dude.

Scalding take, Thomas SHOULD thank us for supporting him.

If he's getting burned out from creating TSS content, we as his fandom are entitled to know instead of sitting and waiting. Did you guys know we are closer to the 10 year aniversarry than we are the 5 year one?

It all sucks horribly. I still want to support him. I still want to wait and see what he does next. I still love Sanders Sides and Cartoon Therapy and My Roommate is Hades. But I feel so hypocritical to still support and follow him when all this shit is piling up. I know nobody is forcing me to stick around, but without Sanders Sides, I have nothing going on in my life. This is my only community, and I somehow managed to tie it down with two of my only hobbies with it.

Does he know a chunk of the fandom is angry and now watching his every move? He should.

Edit: oh and I saw spoilers from the patreon of what the new ep is going to be. It's not worth the wait for me personally. Lowkey I think the premise alone is weak asf but I don't know the thing they're referencing super well. Doesn't add much to this post but I wanted to bitch about that too.

[vampryn]

im doing my first cosplay everrrrr 😭

im going to see evil dead the musical and of course, im dressing up as Ash 🥰 its insanely difficult to find a teal dress shirt though.. but i got the pants today! they're not corduroy (shame on me for not being film-accurate), but they have a very 70s vibe and cut like the ones in the movies. all of the chainsaws were sold from spirit halloween when terrifier 3 came out, so im going to bring an axe instead. now i have to decide if im going to distress the outfit, or if im going to wait to get it fucked up in the splatter zone 🤔 i was going to make a chainsaw harness, but since i don't have time to make the whole chainsaw im vito-ing that.

i also got a really sick vintage Santa outfit, so on Christmas im going to dress up as Art the Clown. im excited, i haven't made any props or prosthetics in such a long time. im not sure if im going to get around to making Art's full prosthetics (no access to the resources for foam-latex), but i definitely will be making the skin-beard.

ive also asked my old schoolmate to try to get me back into the FX shop i interned at, im trying to go back to doing actual work instead of slaving away at my shitty retail job. its almost been 10 years, and after a fuckload of therapy, maybe it's time to be brave and try to actually do something that i want to do. doing makeup for free at the haunted house just isn't cutting the mustard in my sad, sad heart-sandwich.

im getting a tattoo today as well! from my friend who has done all of my leg tattoos 😊 im excited, its going to be an evil dead tattoo, and she said she's gonna make it super sick (she's a G anyway– no doubt there).

ontop of all of that, i was offered a really awesome brand opportunity this morning. i don't know if i believe in spirits or guardians, but sometimes it feels like my dad and grandpa's energy are looking after me. i had a really awful week.. a really awful 3 weeks actually, and it feels like maybe things are going to start looking up for me again. i really really hope so.

i was recently put on a medication that seems to be helping me a lot as well, i have barely smoked any weed since i started it. im also considering trying to go to the gym for the first time in my life (im kind of scared lol). im also motivated to make youtube content, which is very nice because ive been in a creative block for the last few months. hopefully i'll be able to maintain this momentum, because i have a really busy few weeks coming up.. id way rather that than being bored and crying in my bed..

THE ONLY WAY OUT, IS UP.