#ive been up for like an hour making this post please let it get notes

[starfreak]

I'm gonna talk Elder Scrolls 6 and fantasy politics here for a second. Maybe a long post, who knows.

I think that the Elder Scrolls 6, which is all but confirmed to be set in Hammerfell, is going to be about politics. Like, full stop, it has to be. The overwhelming presence of the Empire as of TES 5 is undeniable, with the territories of Cyrodiil, High Rock, and half of Skyrim being under Imperial control.

If the civil war in Skyrim canonically goes to the Empire, then their coverage will cover the entirety of 3 provinces out of the 9 on Tamriel. They will control a THIRD of the continent.

But that's not all, because the Empire is backed (some might even say controlled) by the Aldmeri Dominion. The Dominion's geopolitical grasp is comprised of the Summerset Isles, Valenwood, and Elsweyr. That's another third of Tamriel. With the Dominion and the Empire's forces combined, they will be in control of 2/3 of all of Tamriel. Let's see who remains:

Morrowind: After the eruption of Red Mountain in the early 4th Era, this region is almost completely uninhabitable, with even its ashen-skinned residents (the Dunmer) choosing to leave their home in search of refuge in Skyrim, Cyrodiil, and even Black Marsh, two out of the three of which absolutely despise the dark elves. They are a shattered people, and have virtually no presence in the continental war besides what they lend to their respective places of refuge.

Black Marsh: Inhabitable by pretty much only Argonians, who could have even spread their control to Morrowind due to their hardy biology. Though, I wouldn't count on it due to the Hist's control over their every action. I've never heard of a Hist tree growing in ash, so the likelihood of the Argonians taking Morrowind is slim. However, Black Marsh will probably be the last territory that the Dominion/Empire take, due to the inhospitable nature of it. Previous attempts to invade Black Marsh have proved ineffectual, and notably the only battles the Argonians seem to win are those involving the defense of their home. They are not an offensive people. I suspect that the Dominion would sooner burn the marshes to the ground than attempt to colonize them.

And last but not least Hammerfell: Supposedly the setting for TES 6, and surrounded on all sides by Dominion and Empire alike, with the Imperial territories of High Rock, Western Skyrim, AND Cyrodiil surrounding them, and the Aldmeri territories of the Isles and Valenwood to the south. Hammerfell is basically fucked. It's gonna take a whole lot of divine intervention to—...what's that you say? There's an Elder Scrolls protagonist on the way...and Hammerfell's history recounts tales of people who can summon magic swords? Well I think the Dominion may find some resistance in Hammerfell after all.

The Dominion is basically guaranteed a victory over Hammerfell, especially if what the Alik'r from Skyrim's "In My Time of Need" quest are to be believed, and that Saadia's betrayal meant that the Dominion (whom most if not all people in Hammerfell hate) was able to take the city of Taneth in the war. Now if we look at a map like this:

If the Dominion's forces are coming from the south, it means they have a strong enough navy to oppose Hammerfell's, which is notably a province known for their pirate activity (see the Elder Scrolls: Redguard). And if they took a city as far north as Taneth, not only did they have to probably take Rihad to get there unopposed, but they also had to make it through that bay unscathed, meaning they either have strong enough outposts on that peninsula to oppose forces from Gilane OR they took Gilane too.

And if they took that whole south central and eastern part of the coast, and are coming from the sea, who's to say they haven't taken Stros M'kai and Helgathe as well?

The north stands basically no chance against the Empire, and the south has probably already been taken by the Dominion. All that leaves is...the huge fucking Alik'r Desert in the middle.

The game will probably start in Dragonstar or Elinhir, my bet goes to Elinhir because it's more on the Skyrim side, but Dragonstar is also almost equidistant from Elinhir and Skaven, with a straight shot to the Alik'r Desert. Plus, starting in Dragonstar after playing a game about literal dragons would be a nice little poke. Like, "hey, remember the dragons?" I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few dragons in the mountains that the Dragonborn missed. They could also have them be infinitely respawning, since they don't truly die unless their souls are absorbed by the Dragonborn. So there's your dragon tie-in, Bethesda, you freaks.

The story is likely going to be about the political struggle between the cultural identity of Hammerfell and the forces that seek to swallow it whole and reshape it in their image. There'll be some references to the Swordsingers of Yokudan legend, but whether or not we will be able to actually learn the technique is uncertain. And there will be a HEAVY Dwemer presence. In previous games we were given access to none other than the hammer of Malacath, Volendrung, which was once a Dwemer weapon corrupted into the image of the Orsimer god-daedra Malacath. The hammer, according to legend, was thrown from Morrowind all the way to the desert that we now call Hammerfell (guess why they call it that) and the dwarves made their new home there, founding the city of Volenfell. Not only am I certain that we will see Volendrung in TES 6, but there will likely be heavy Dwemer presence (metaphorically speaking, they are extinct after all) and Orsimer presence. We could potentially even see some dead Dwemer, in the form of ghosts, time travel visions, sentient automatons, or even some sort of lich. If so, we might get to see a struggle between the Dwemer and Orsimer over the control of Volendrung. The dwarves and orcs do seem to have a bit of shared history.

Overall, this game is gonna be huge, and i can't wait to play it when im 80.

Lemme know if I made any mistakes in the replies, and feel free to argue about fictional politics with me in reblogs :> may your road lead you to warm sands.

[https-papaya]

soft — max v.

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( masterlist | guidelines | drop a request )

PAIRINGS: max verstappen x reader

SUMMARY: max can never quite resist his girlfriend, even when she has a bit of a habit of collecting strays.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: firstly, thank you so much for the amazing response to tangerine summer!!! i was really nervous to post it, so all of the love its received so far has been incredible. please enjoy, and feel free to come say hi!

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yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, danielricciardo and others

yourusername welcome to the family, little marie <3

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maxverstappen1 is that my side of the bed?

yourusername shes already fast asleep i cant move her now

maxverstappen1 ive only been gone an HOUR

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maxverstappen1 fine.

user3 cat dad!max is everything i ever wanted omg

user5 He's really out here complaining like we don't know he's the biggest cat dad on the planet

danielricciardo so how exactly did you convince max to let you get another one???

yourusername what makes you think this was because of me?

maxverstappen1 it is.

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landonorris im gonna steal her and take her home with me

maxverstappen1 dont you dare, norris

landonorris damn fine i see how it is

maxverstappen1

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maxverstappen1 menace from day 1

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yourusername shut up you love her 😍😍😍😍

maxverstappen1 only because i love you

yourusername omg

landonorris if i fits i sits!

yourusername shes just like her uncle, little lando norris

charles_leclerc she's never done anything wrong in her life

user1 box box!

user3 what is it with cats and boxes fr

user2 Thank god for Max and Marie content

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© https-papaya || do NOT rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[softpascalito]

Dulcissima I Marcus Acacius x Vestal!Reader I Chapter IV

! This Fic contains major spoilers for Gladiator II ! Proceed with caution !

Spoiler-Free Summary: Set before and during Gladiator II. General Acacius finds himself entranced by a highly valued priestess of Rome – A Vestal Virgin. Both have taken vows that make sure their paths may never cross. Until they do.

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x Vestal Virgin Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 12k+ Tags: Secret Relationship, Vestal Virgins, Religious Guilt, Gladiator fights, Gladiator II compliant (more or less), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Ancient Rome, Age Difference, Slow Burn (ish), Injury, Kissing, Historical Inaccuracy, (Attempted) Sexual Harassment, More tags to be added

AO3 // Series Masterlist // Masterlist // Fic Playlist

notes: ! last major spoiler warning for gladiator II below the cut !

we are back! i really love where this is going, i hope you guys do too! feedback is very welcome as always (just don't be mean, i cry easily in case you can't tell from my writing). i have been to (the ruins) of the temple and the house of the vestals and have learned a lot about them so i hope i can strike the balance between making the fic intersting and adding some historic context, please let me know if this is working! also if you read this the day i post (december 3rd) happy bona dea hehe ♡

Mola Salsa – Ointment used during religious sacrifices Vale – Goodbye Salve – Hello Sacrosant – Untouchable (by law)

Chapter IV

“Have they assigned you for Bona Dea yet?” Severa is walking beside you, carrying a jug filled with fresh water from the sacred spring. Her step is light, even after the many hours she has spent at the temple today. The upcoming festival has been the talk of all of Rome, as it frequently is during the season where the air becomes colder and the occasional summer breeze turns into full-on storms. On the third of the last month, women in Rome celebrate the night of Bona Dea, the goddess that symbolizes chastity and fertility. A rare occasion where attendance is forbidden to men rather than women.

You nod softly in response to her question, turning the last corner before you reach the round temple of Vesta. “Yes. I am to help prepare the mola salsa. And I have been allowed to aid in carrying–” You pause, recalling that you are still in public. “Carrying the items to the place.”

Severa gives a nod, understanding the almost cryptic words. No one outside the circle, especially no man, is allowed to know which rituals you and the other priestesses undertake during the December night. At the mention of the assigned tasks, she falls into a one-sided but comfortable conversation, telling you her plans of preparation, though always being careful not to get too detailed. When you reach the steps that lead up toward the temple, she hands you the jug of water and bids you goodbye before heading the other direction. With her shift ended, she may retire to her quarters or spend her time however she likes. For you, the day has just begun–despite the sun already being halfway across the sky.

The smell of smoke and herbs greets you as you slip into the building, the only temple in the entire empire that holds no statue of its god or goddess. The flame is the only representation Vesta requires.

You start by collecting the rags you keep in a small cupboard off to the side of the large room, soaking them with the sacred water before kneeling down to begin cleansing the floor. Purity is more important for Vesta than anything, meaning that every day, the temple is cleaned, usually towards the evening when there aren't as many citizens coming to pray.

You work in silence, ignoring the way the cold stone hurts under your knees. It is a shift that requires much physical labor, but you are content to have the room to yourself today, the only company the shadows dancing on the stone walls beside you. You watch as they change, creating pictures and silhouettes that are gone before you can quite figure out what they resemble.

Your drifting thoughts are interrupted by the gentle thud of the oak door, followed by a small gust of air blowing through the room. You look up from where you are kneeling beside the flame, expecting one of the women that frequently come to pray with you. Instead, you feel your breath hitch in your throat.

Acacius looks a little lost, his broad frame dressed in his shiny golden armour, one that does not quite fit the space. He gives no indication of recognizing you, instead heading straight for one of the benches set out for the citizens. With an almost quiet grunt, he lowers himself into a sitting position and bows his head, his lips moving without producing any sound. He is praying.

You're not sure why you are so surprised. Maybe because you cannot recall ever seeing a General in the temple of Vesta or because his comments a few weeks ago did not make him sound like someone who prays much.

I prefer to put my trust in people.

You don't quite realize how openly you are staring at him until he raises his head just enough to glance your way. You bow your head so fast that you feel your muscles protest, the noises of the cackling fire joined by the one of you hurriedly wiping the floor.

You do not allow yourself another second of looking at him. Not a single one. Even when you stand and return the rag and jug to their respective places. Even when you gather a few pieces of wood in your arms and carefully add them to the flame.

It is not until you are standing with your back to the hearth, sorting some of the smaller twigs, that you hear him move. His voice is low when he speaks, like he is trying not to disturb the place around you and what it holds inside its walls. “Am I disturbing you?”

You are almost tempted to keep your back to him and give your response to the firewood below rather than him. But even the high status of a Vestal Virgin will not save you from punishment for disrespecting the General of the Roman army.

“No, of course not,” you respond politely as you turn around. “But I am afraid I do not have your will here. If you'd like to make further adjustments, I can locate it tomorrow and–”

“I did not come for the will,” Acacius says quietly, his brown eyes flying over your face. Once again, you feel like he can read you, like there is an inscription carved into your features the way it is below statues or over doors. Names, places, entire stories told in stone. It’s like yours is spelled out in a language only he can understand.

You pause, a moment of near silence passing between you. You are close enough to see the shadows dancing on his face now, the flame reflecting in his eyes.

“Then what did you come for, my General?” Addressing him sends a shiver through you again, the same way it did the last time you said goodbye. Calling him yours when he is so far from it.

“To pray.” A tiny smirk appears on his face and he looks almost … satisfied with himself. “It is what one does in a temple, is it not?”

You feel your cheeks heat slightly, despite the fact that you try and will them not to. “It is.” The next sentence tumbles out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. “You took my advice then.”

Acacius raises a brow and you involuntarily hold your breath, awaiting what you expect to be a rather unfavorable reaction–when he laughs. Filling the temple that holds the most important hearth of the roman empire with a soft and gentle laugh. It feels wrong. It feels shameful and unfitting and yet, you feel like something stir inside of you at the sound. Slowly, his laugh dies down until you are left with a mere, gentle smile on his face as he looks down at you. “You are not as timid as you seem, are you now?”

Your blush deepens at that but a shy smile creeps onto your face nevertheless. “I was just–observing.”

“Yes. And do you do that often?” At your confused face, he adds: “Do you observe people often?”

“I did not say I observed people,” you half-whisper, suddenly realizing where this conversation is heading.

Does he know?

You have never considered that the conveniently short distance between your homes works both ways. Mainly because you can't imagine a man as important as Acacius interested in what the Vestals do. Maybe because you also can't imagine him as a man who simply observes–no doubt he finds what he longs for and demands for it. He is well known for his conquering of the southern areas.

“It is an imposing atrium,” he mutters quietly, his eyes carefully tracing your face. Waiting for a reaction. He’s about to speak again when you feel it.

The movement in your chest that felt comfortable until a moment ago, turns to ice. A shiver runs over your body and you step back so violently that your back hits the wooden cupboard and the jug that Severa had carried earlier, begins to sway. You feel Acacius brush past you, attempting to catch it but he is too late. His empty hand closes around air as the jug hits the floor and bursts into small pieces.

For a moment, you stay exactly where you are, your heart thumping as you fight against the cold dread that still fills your body. Acacius shifts beside you and you can feel his brown eyes on you. “I am sorry, I did not mean to scare you. Let me help–”

But you do not let him finish the offer. Instead, you whip around and lean down, beginning to gather the shards off the floor. “It is late,” you press out without looking up at him.

Now it’s the Generals turn to look confused. He pauses, blinking a few times. Before he can ask the question already forming in his throat, you motion toward the oak doors. “The sun will go down soon. Men are not allowed in the temple at night.” 

It takes a few moments before Acacius nods, sending you a polite smile that feels very different from the one that decorated his face mere moments ago. “Of course. I do not wish to keep you.”

He turns swiftly, his uniform moving gracefully around him as he crosses the small room and slips out of the temple. The door falls shut with a thud, signifying once more how very alone you are.

You try to hold back tears as you fold your dress in your lap and begin to collect the shards in it. The salt water so dangerously close to high tide. It blurs your vision enough to grasp one of the larger shards the wrong way, a sharp pain searing through your hand as it cuts into your skin.

He probably only meant to pray.

He has a wife, a home. An army, soldiers and their families. A responsibility like that could make anyone turn to the gods, that much you know. And you scared him off, simply because your body had started acting of its own accord.

Almost as if in a trance, you fully sink to your knees in front of the flame, bowing your head so low that you can feel the coolness of the tiles below. Whispered words fall from your lips. But they are not merely just prayers. They are pleas for forgiveness. You cannot name what it is Vesta shall forgive you. You have done your duty, have not acted in any way that would not honor your vows. And yet, you feel that there is something you should seek forgiveness for.

When you stand again, you tread quietly, almost like you are tiptoeing around something. Balancing your weight on the edge of a bridge, trying desperately to stay still. The wind may not carry you away, no matter how tempting. You do not have wings. You will not fly. The only way off the ledge is the fall. One that you would not survive.

You shudder at the thought as you finish your duties as quietly and quickly as you can. You finish gathering the broken jug, wipe the floor once more and replace the wood. A small sigh of relief leaves your throat when you finally hear the door being opened again–and the eldest of the Vestals steps inside. She surveys the room, pausing as she spots the cupboard. “What happened?”

“I fell,” you answer quickly. “The water jug broke, I was carrying it. My apologies.” You bow your head, sending another silent prayer to Vesta to forgive you the lie. “I will arrange for a new one.”

She looks at you for a moment before nodding her head. “Very well. You may head back to the house. Walk by the potter and give word that we are in need of a new jug. I will stay until morning and have one of the girls pick it up in a few days time.”

“Of course. Vale.” Leaving a small bow and more whispered apologies at her feet, you step out of the temple, glad to put distance between you and the hearth.

It is by no means a far walk to the house of the potter that you task with everything the Vestals need. And yet, you'd much prefer to tread it while it is light. The city changes during the night, even in these safer parts of town. The streets are filled with those who wander the night and despite the fact that your palla demands immediate respect from those that cross your way, it is not a comfortable journey.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot a few soldiers that seem to tail you and exhale a small breath, thanking the gods for sending men to protect you. You lose sight of them when you slip into the small alley that opens to the workshop of the potter. But the light inside is extinguished.

“Salve?” You give the door a gentle knock, waiting for a reaction from inside. But none comes.

With a resigned shrug, you turn to make your way back to the main road. It isn't until you have taken a few steps that you look up–and find your way blocked. The three soldiers have their eyes trained on you, their bodies wide enough that they cut off any chance of escape.

You feel your heart beginning to pound again but you force yourself to stay calm, giving a polite nod. They are soldiers. They are here to protect you. Then, the one in the middle opens his mouth.

“What business does a priestess have to be out at night all by herself?” He asks, cocking his head as his gaze shamelessly wanders over your body. The soldier to his right laughs in a way that sends a shiver down your spine. Even standing feet away, you can smell the strong aroma of wine on his breath. There has not been any battle. Nothing has been won.

There is no reason for soldiers to celebrate.

“Why do they always pick pretty girls for Vesta?” The one with the foul breath complains. “True shame no one can touch them.” The other one laughs at the comment, taking a step toward you. You feel your back hit the wall. “Oh, you can touch them. You just have to demand for them to keep their mouth shut about it. I would really like to–”

You are spared the details of what this drunk man would like to do to you. Because in that moment, a voice booms out behind the soldiers, echoing slightly in the small alley.

“Soldiers. Step back.”

They whirl around and you think you see one of them ready himself to fight–that is, until the man the voice belongs to steps into the light. They may not respect a priestess. But they will respect Rome's General.

Yet, when they don’t move immediately, he barks out: “That is an order!” Their reactions are surprisingly fast for the state they’re in, the one on the right practically crashing into the wall in his hurry to obey.

“What is the meaning of this?” He asks, his voice so much lower and demanding than it was earlier at the temple. Any hint of the gentle, soft man you talked to is gone.

“We were worried for her safety,” one of the soldiers blurts out. What a way to spin it, you think to yourself. The only threat of your safety tonight has been them.

Acacius's eyes briefly meet yours and his face hardens slightly. He continues moving toward you, forcing the man next to you to step away hurriedly. “Move. And get back to your barracks, straight away.” They are halfway across the alley when he yells after them. “If I catch you bothering her again, I will make the battlefield seem merciful!”

Your knees quiver as you watch the soldiers turn the corner and a choked sound leaves your throat as you stumble. Being sacrosanct does not save you from being a woman. Nothing does.

“Hey, careful now.”

Acacius is by your side in an instant, his voice back to the gentle one you have gotten so used to. He bows down slightly and, without thinking and at seeing you sway, he gently places his arm around your waist, steadying you.

You do not move away this time. Heat radiates from his bare arms through the linen of your dress, igniting your skin below in a way that makes you feel like you are burning. But it is not uncomfortable. In fact, you find yourself leaning into the touch slightly as you catch your breath.

“Did they hurt you?” He asks quietly, a hint of anger still present in his voice.

You respond with a small shake of your head while Acacius carefully watches your every move. “No. No, they did not get a chance to.”

“They are damn fools,” he breathes, shaking his head in disbelief, rubbing small circles into your side with his thumb. “To even think about bothering you like that. A priestess doing her duty–” He turns enough to let his gaze wander over the abandoned street around you again. “This is not a way you should be walking alone at night.”

“The jug,” you whisper quietly. “I was to ask the potter to provide a new jug.”

A sigh leaves the General's lips at that, his grip tightening absent-mindedly. “A piece of clay is certainly not worth risking your safety, my lady.”

You bow your head, unsure how to respond. His fingers are still placed on your waist, still drawing invisible shapes into your stola. “I am sorry about–”

“You do not have anything to apologize for.” He mumbles, soft eyes gazing down at you. “If anything, I owe you an apology. Clearly, the gods are more trustworthy than men.”

Except, the gods did not save you. For the second time, you have a feeling that the person answering your silent prayers is not an ethereal being but rather a man made of flesh and bone. You shift slightly at the thought–and feel Acacius tense beside you.

“They did hurt you,” he whispers, not once hesitating as he lets go of your waist to kneel down and reache for your hand, his gaze focused on the red line that runs across your palm. “Let me see, please.”

“Oh–” You hold your hand up for him but you shake your head. “It was not them. I cut myself on one of the shards earlier, in the temple.” But his focus rests entirely on your hand. You feel a blush creep up your neck as he turns your palm slightly, running his index finger over the freshly scabbed line.

“You should have wrapped it. It may get infected,” he adds quietly and before you can so much as protest, he has reached down and ripped a shred of fabric from his undercloth. His calloused hands are careful and gentle as he begins to wrap it around your palm, tightening it slightly. “Does this hurt?”

You feel like your entire body is vibrating under his touch. His skin on yours, no matter how little, no matter how briefly. It has a fire burning in your chest, threatening to spill out from between your ribs or travel through your throat. The smoke of it blocks your airways and your attempt to speak fails. Instead, you just shake your head and watch as Acacius, at your signal, continues.

“There. Much better.” Your hand is still resting in his palms and he bows down slightly, as if to kiss your fingers. But just before he does, he stiffens slightly and quickly pulls back.

One does not kiss a Vestal's hand. One does not even touch a Vestal. And yet, you can so clearly feel the fire burn on every inch of your skin where his body has met yours.

Acacius clears his throat and nods toward the main road. “I will escort you home. I may not offer the protection of the gods but I can offer that of my sword.”

“Thank you, General Acacius,” you whisper, bringing your freshly bandaged hand back down. You walk beside him as you slowly make your way through the night air, avoiding the busy roads slightly more than you have on the way here. He knows his way around.

You have already reached the Forum when you finally speak, watching as the smoke from the temple rises to your left as you turn onto Via Nova. “I would like to apologize, for before.”

Acacius cocks a brow. “Before?”

“Before. When I sent you out of the temple. You are welcome to come and pray of course. I was–” You shake your head softly. “I was merely surprised.”

You watch as his face twists into a small smile at that and he nods. However, you both stay silent as he leads you toward the house of the Vestals. When you reach the columns that line the front of it, he stills, leaning forward in a hint of a bow. “Thank you for allowing me to see you back safely.”

“I have to thank you.” You respond quietly, turning to face him. You feel like you want to add something else but the words get stuck in your throat. His hand hovers again, the same way it did the time he welcomed you at his home. Always careful to keep a small, appropriate distance between the two of you. What happened in a dark, secluded alley suddenly seems miles and miles away.

“Good night, my lady.”

With that, Acacius turns and continues up the road.

“Good night, my General,” you whisper only for the cicadas to hear.

notes: thank you for reading. feedback, reblog and comments all very, very welcome ♡

[shalomniscient]

woah…..that zoya post…………now make them kiss (pretty please 🙏)

this took centuries. im so sorry

breaking point || zoya x reader [NSFT][MDNI]

cw. medical talk (or attempts at), kind of graphic descriptions of injuries (?), power bottom reader and service top zoya, unsafe sex in the sense reader wants to be dicked down so bad they diss condoms (practice safe sex gamers), fingering, creampie

notes. i dunno i just think zoya would like a partner with a little fire to them yk?? reader is just internally very horny for zoya but would not admit it even upon threat of death. also head in hands this is so disjointed im so sorry

taglist. @sinsmockingbird for when you awaken my liege

As an ER doctor, being able to keep a cool head even in intense situations is a priceless skill. You clarity and calmness could be the difference between a life saved and a life lost. Thankfully, you and your sister have always been good at being clinically cold—but even you both have your limits. For Iron, it was when she was forced to amputate her arm.

For you, it's watching a few legionnaires haul their Commander into the ER, barely conscious and looking half-dead.

"Trauma room 2, now," you snap, tossing your clipboard aside and pulling your coat tighter around yourself. Of course this had to happen on the one day Iron was in Eastside picking up supplies. Your mind races as you march alongside the legionnaires as they drag Zoya—hardly responsive, head hanging low, pallor to her skin—onto a cot. Your nurses swarm you like a well trained unit, moths to a light, awaiting your orders. You suck in a breath, let each molecule of air settle in your cells, before you dive headfirst into action.

"Four units of O-negative, and two large bore IVs," you command, your voice even as you move to stand next to the cot. The wound on her abdomen is substantial, and for once you're grateful for her frankly ridiculous fashion choices since it lets you save time on cutting her clothes off. Your gloved hands reach up to cup Zoya's pale face, your eyes cold as you look down at her. "Get the OR prepped and call anesthesia now."

"Zoya," you say firmly, gently shaking her head. "Oi, brute. Can you hear me?"

The commander remains silent, and you frown. Perhaps the situation is worse than you thought. One of the legionnaires, just a girl, shifts anxiously next to the bed. "Boss got hit by a Mania weapon," she explains, her voice trembling as if she's near tears. "It was supposed to be for me, but—"

"Do you know what kind?" you cut her off, and internally you flinch at the way she recedes from the iciness of your gaze. But she shakes her head, and you bite your tongue. The pieces of the diagnosis align in your mind's eye—Mania weapon, unknown effect, caused severe lacerations and subsequent hemorrhaging. High possibility of additional Mania contamination within her bloodstream, although as a Sinner risk of further complication on that avenue is reduced.

You draw in another breath. Okay. You can do this.

"You owe me for this, brute," you mutter, before you kick the locks off the cot wheels and start pushing her to the OR. The double doors greet you like the gateway to purgatory, and you push everything beyond your clinical expertise to the furthest recesses of your mind.

Under the bright OR lights, your form casts a long shadow over Zoya's still one. You exhale.

"Let's begin."

You only finish six hours later.

Your scrubs are stained red up to your elbows, and you can barely feel your feet after being on them for so long. But the heart monitor beeps steadily, and it is the only sound you want to hear now. You thank your nurses and tell them to get some rest. Once they're out of sight, you stumble back and lean against the wall, your eyes slipping shut.

Your hands are shaking.

You exhale. You're barely aware of the fact that you're sliding down the wall until you end up on the floor, the coldness of the tile seeping through your scrubs. The surgery hadn't been easy. Fishing remnants of Mania crystals out of flesh equally as red is always a challenge—often, the patient doesn't survive. Corruption sets in quickly, and all you can do is hand them over to Iron to nip the bud before it blooms.

But you saved her. She's alive, breathing, stable, so why does your heart tremble in your chest? Why does the sight of her blood on your arms make you sick?

Deep down, you know why. But the words knot on your tongue and catch against your teeth every time you try to say them. So instead, you settle for something else. A different emotion, but no less potent. And you pretend that the rush you felt that other day was nothing more than loathing. And whatever it is you're feeling now is just irritation that you had to spend 6 hours stitching her abdomen back together.

"Stupid fucking brute," you mutter to yourself, resting your head on your knees, pulled close to your chest. "Going out and getting yourself hurt like that. Aren't you supposed to be strong?"

You sit on the cold tile for a while, before forcing yourself back onto your feet. Your eyes roam impassively over Zoya's sleeping face, and you can't help but think how... soft she looks, peacefully asleep like this thanks to the anesthesia. It almost makes you want to reach out and stroke her cheek—but you don't, and instead turn on your heel and walk right out of the room.

After all, there’s no point lingering on pipe dreams.

"Doctor!"

You sigh, feeling a headache build between your temples. You turn to the nurse, scowling. "Yes?"

"The, um... the patient in trauma room two is awake," she answers nervously. "And she's trying to—"

Whatever your poor nurse is trying to say is cut off by none other than said patient striding down the hallway, unbothered, even as five of the other strongest nurses you have try to hold her back. She simply drags them along with each confident step. Also, she somehow managed to get her clothes back? You mentally add another thing to your to-do list—you'll have to have a stern talk with whoever manages patient belongings. Zoya stops in front of the front desk and eyes you up and down, and you shoot an unimpressed glare right back at her.

"What do you think you're doing?" you ask flatly, and Zoya shrugs.

"I'm here to say thanks," she responds, and you blink. That... wasn't what you were expecting.

"Oh."

"I'm also going to leave," she adds, and then you scoff, feeling the moment crumble in an instant.

"In your dreams. You're not due to be discharged for three more days." You round the counter to stand defiantly in front of her, and she raises a brow. Around you, your staff shift nervously. If Zoya decides to force her way out, there really is no one who can stop her.

"I'm perfectly fine," she counters, placing a hand on her hip. Your eyes flick down to it, and yes—the glaring wound in her side is healed up, almost beautifully. Such are the 'benefits' of being a Sinner. But you shake your head nonetheless, stubbornly digging your heels in. If Zoya is an unstoppable force, then by God will you be the immovable object.

"You're fine when I say you're fine," you roll your eyes. "Now do I have to put you on a leash or are you going to go back to your room on your own?"

Something flickers in Zoya's eyes, and she makes a derisive noise that has your brow twitching. You can feel your blood starting to simmer just beneath your skin. Really, one of these days she's probably going to give you an aneurysm.

“Hmm, how about this, then? You check me over, and if anything isn’t in already healthy condition, I’ll stay,” Zoya offers, and you cross your arms.

“And if not?”

“Then I’ll leave,” she answers coolly. “Deal?”

Your head throbs. “Fine. Just get in the triage room, I’ll make this quick.”

You stalk your way to the room, Zoya following on your heels like an obedient dog. Like this, it is she who casts a shadow on you, with her once again ridiculous height. It makes you want to see her on her knees.

You banish the though away as quickly as it came and sit Zoya down on the cot. She leans back on both her palms, relaxed as ever, watching as you flit about, pulling on gloves and putting on your stethoscope.

“Breathe in,” you order, and she does. Her lungs sound clear, which is good. You don’t hear the light chime of embedded Mania crystals, which is a relief. Your hand trails down her back before moving to her front, ghosting over her abs.

The injury that had left her bleeding all over your floors is practically gone now—only a thin white line proof it was ever there. You brush your thumb against the scar, and you feel the way her muscles tense beneath your touch.

You do your due diligence, pressing along her abdomen as part of a standard checkup. It’s a perfectly normal procedure to check for organ size, pain and abnormalities, but the thought that this is Zoya you’re touching almost makes your hands tremble. And the way she’s reacting—tense and breathing deep with each inhale—is certainly not helping.

Once you finally finish the exam, there’s a distinct charged feeling in the air. You glance up at Zoya, and her eyes are dark; just like the way they were back then. It makes you swallow reflexively, your blood feeling almost unbearably warm beneath your skin.

You’re still close to her. Your hands are still on her abdomen. You should pull away, but you don’t really want to. A part of you doesn’t even think it can.

“Did I pass, princess?” Zoya breathes, her warm breath fanning across your face. Your eyes narrow, and you look directly into her dark ones like a challenge.

“It’s doctor.”

She smirks. You want to kiss it off her. “Whatever you say, princess.”

“Fuck you,” you snarl, ready to pull away, irritation overtaking the lust in your system before Zoya grabs both your wrists and keeps you close.

“Fuck me yourself,” she whispers, dangerously close to your lips, both an invitation and a challenge.

A better doctor would’ve stepped away. Good thing, then, that you never were the best, because you meet Zoya’s challenge in a kiss that’s more teeth and tongue than anything else. Zoya grins against you, slipping off the cot to tower over you. Her hands move your arms around her neck as she walks you backwards, all while her tongue plunders your mouth.

Zoya pushes you against a wall with enough force to make you gasp, air rushing from your lungs. Her lips and teeth descend on your neck as her hands travel down to your ass, squeezing once before they find your thighs, guiding them to wrap your legs around her waist. You sigh in pleasure at the kisses she presses against the skin of your neck, one of your hands winding in her silvery hair while the other digs into her shoulder to steady yourself.

You’re now completely held up by her, but the fear of falling doesn’t cross your mind even once. You’re pretty sure Zoya can keep you in place by just pinning you to the wall with her hips. You grind your front against her pelvis, and you both groan at the friction against her growing bulge. Zoya’s fingers find the waistband of your scrubs, and she tugs them down roughly.

You tighten your grip in her hair at that, and she hisses in both slight pain and pleasure. “Careful,” you mutter to her, “you’re not allowed to rip them.”

Zoya scoffs against your neck but nonetheless obeys, and you sigh when you feel her knuckles rub against your clothed clit. Zoya exhales as she feels your wetness seep through your panties and onto her skin.

“So fucking wet, princess,” she coos into your ear, dragging a finger along your slit. She presses lightly on the ruined cloth, delighting in the way it sticks to your drenched lower lips. You nip at her jaw, a scrape of your teeth along the defined bone, and Zoya takes the hint.

Her fingers push your panties to the side, and then sinks knuckle deep into your cunt.

You bite down on her shoulder to muffle your moans, your pussy fluttering around the intrusion. Fuck, her fingers are so thick—she’s hardly done anything and you’re already so close to your peak it’s embarassing. Your legs tighten around her waist as she starts pumping her fingers in and out of you, the wet sounds of her working your cunt open echoing in the room. Her thumb presses against your stiff clit and you squirm, burying your face in her neck and panting for breath.

“Gonna cum, princess?” Zoya asks, a breathless edge to her voice. “You’re—fuck—getting tighter, baby.”

“Keep going,” you snap, somewhere between a snarl and a sob. Your entire body is trembling. You seriously might kill her if she does. “Don’t you dare stop.”

Zoya growls, and pistons her fingers even faster all while her thumb draws harsh circles against your clit. You babble whispered praise into her neck before one final, perfect stroke against that spongy spot inside of you had you creaming all over her fingers. The gang leader grunts as she feels your tightness bear down on her, and wetness seep into her palm.

You pant against her neck as you come down from your high, legs twitching. Zoya withdraws her fingers with a wet squelch, and you shudder. But she doesn’t set you down, not just yet, and you know why—or rather, you can feel why. You pull back, leaning your head against the wall, and all while keeping your eyes locked with hers, let your hand brush against the tent in her pants.

Her hips jerk at the sensation, and you smirk. She’s just as pathetically desperate as you are. You brush your hand up and down the clothed length once, then twice, before finally tugging the zipper and her boxers down just enough for her cock to spring free.

Shit, you feel yourself get wetter at just the sight. Her cock slaps against her stomach, painfully hard and big enough that you’re glad she had the control to finger you open first. Zoya growls again when you pump your hand along her length, gathering sticky pre-cum from her drooling tip and laving it down her hardness.

“Wouldn’t happen to keep condoms in here, would you?” she asks, her voice deeper than usual. You roll your eyes at the question.

“No, we don’t keep condoms in the triage room,” you answer, shifting your hips so her cock now rests against your soaked lower lips. “But we do stock morning after pills.”

Zoya’s eyes flicker dangerously, and she grips your hips tight enough to bruise. “You’re playing with fire, princess.”

“Shut up and fuck me,” you retort, moving your hips up and down and letting her cock slide between your pussy lips and bump deliciously against your clit. “I’m on the pill anyway.”

Zoya buries her face in your neck and growls, then angles her cock with your entrance and slowly pushes in. You have to bite your tongue as she enters because fuck, she’s so fucking big. You can feel the way you cunt stretches to accomodate her size, more than it ever has for anyone else and you whimper reflexively.

Zoya squeezes your hips apologetically, kissing your neck as she keeps going. “Gotta relax, princess, c’mon, just relax for me…”

You do your best, and the moment she bottoms out it feels like all the breath has been forced from your lungs. Gravity ensures you have a particularly deep seat on her cock, and it leaves both of you breathless. Zoya meets your eyes, and slowy, she starts to thrust, drawing back before snaping forward in a smooth rhythm that soon has you seeing stars.

She fucks you against the wall with as much force as she can muster without being too loud—the rest of the hospital is just outside the door anyway. She smothers your moans with a kiss, hungry and demanding, her tongue tangling against yours. With each rut of her hips her cock bullies your g-spot and you can feel the knot in your stomach tighten once more.

“‘m going to cum,” you gasp out, eyes fluttering shut from pleasure, “‘m gonna cum, Zoya, please—“

“Go on, then, princess,” she encourages, her thumb starting to work your clit again. “Cum all over this cock like I know you want to.”

You writhe against her, your cunt squeezing her length like a vise. Zoya grunts at the sensation, her thrusts starting to get choppy as she rockets to her own high. Her lips travel from your own then down to your neck, her teeth ghosting the skin there. With one last drive of her hips she buries herself deep inside you and spills her hot cum into your eager cunt, while her teeth sink into the junction between your shoulder and your neck.

Your eyes roll back into your head at the feeling of being filled by and of her, your insides being painted white as she dumps rope after rope of cum into you. Fuck, you’re going to be dripping into your panties for a while after this, but you can’t bring yourself to care as nothing but sheer pleasure courses through your veins.

You don’t know how long it takes before both of you wind down from the high, but Zoya’s still hilted inside you, and a part of you doesn’t want her to leave. You’re both a panting mess, and Zoya draws away from your neck with a breathless sigh.

“So…” she begins, and you can barely manage a noise in response. “I take it I’m clear to be discharged, doctor?”

You only answer her with a quick smack to her shoulder that has her chuckling.

(But you agree, on the condition she comes back for regular check-ups. Zoya has no problems with this arrangement.)

[vanishingcherry]

Hello !! I hope you're having a good day!

Can I please request a Daniel Ricciardo X Reader Instagram thing, but can it be platonic??

Like just imagine being childhood besties with him, and now you work with him as his Assisstant or something, getting to travel all over the world together!! And the chaos that the friendship would have too :D

Also the face claim can be the one requested from the Lando thing? I don't remember her @, but the face claim was so so pretty 💕💕

Tysm :)))

here you go! its set in 2022, and there is slight romantic lando x reader. hope thats okay with you!

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo, landonorris and 94,857 others.

daniel3.jpg Smileys

view all 1,295 comments

f1fan isnt that the girl that lando is dating?

↳ dannyfan yess! shes childhood best friends with daniel, and is his assistant, thats how her and lando met

↳ f1fan ohh okk thanks!

landonorris whose the girl in the fourth picture?

↳ yourusername idk shes kinda hot

↳ danielricciardo @.landonorris stay away from my bestie

mclaren 🧡

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo, yourbff and 39,857 others

yourusername te amo sao paulo

view all 987 comments

prettyyn SAO PAULO IS LUCKY TO HAVE Y/N

danielricciardo you're supposed to be assisting me. not posting on instagram

↳ yourusername you're supposed to be driving. not commenting on my instagram

yourfan oh to be y/n

danielismylove its the way she was best friends with daniel and now this is her life. why wasn't i best friends with a f1 driver

landonorris pretty girl

↳ liked by yourusername

liked by yourusername, mclaren and 143,587 others

danielricciardo when @.yourusername gets lost in london and you have to spend 3 hours searching for her

comments on this post are limited

yourusername i didnt get lost. i was just exploring

↳ danielricciardo why did i get multiple calls from you explaining that your gps wasnt working and that i had to come find you

↳ yourusername i wanted you to join me and be the boots to my dora

yourbff you promised you wouldnt lose her. next time this happens im taking her back

↳ danielricciardo HOW IS THIS MY FAULT

↳ yourusername @.yourbff is right. this is all your fault how could you let me go exploring on my own

↳ landonorris YOU LET HER GET LOST?

↳ danielricciardo i give up

liked by f1, mclaren, lando norris and 823,475 others

yourusername a series of events that occurred the day daniel found out that lando and i were dating. he claims it was an accident.

view all 4,756 comments

danielricciardo i don't like what youre insinuating

↳ yourusername its not my fault im right

↳ danielricciardo YOU CANT BE MY ASSISTANT AND HIS GIRLFRIEND AT THE SAME TIME

↳ yourusername watch me

ynfan I DIDNT REALISE THAT THATS WHEN DANIEL FOUND OUT THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

ilovedaniel im obsessed

landonorris my nose hurt so much that day mate

↳ danielricciardo you deserved it

landofan1 OH MY GOD LANDO'S FACE LMAO

liked by danielricciardo, f1, mclaren and 208,159 others

yourusername ive known you for as long as i can remember, and you've always been the best friend anyone could ask for. from the moment you let me try out your go kart till the moment you won your first grand prix, its been an honour to support you. the opportunity to travel the world with your best friend doesn't come along everyday, and ive never been more grateful.

i'm not very good at being sentimental, but for what its worth, you have all the love in my heart. happy birthday danny.

on a more serious note, he wet the bed till he was 10, pass it on.

comments on this post are limited

danielricciardo thank you ❤️

danielricciardo you were gonna make me cry until i saw that that last line. for everyone reading this, y/n had (has) the biggest crush on seb.

↳ yourusername dammit. and thats a lie, do not believe him.

↳ landonorris babe... seb? really?

[semisolidmind]

I’m sorry if this was already asked but is MK in the twice as bad au? Since Peaches is immortal, she would probably find MK first or she finds him while her husbands are looking for her outside the palace. They find her outside playing with a little boy. Wukong didn’t think twice about adopting him, especially when he saw MK lift his staff, and Macaque loves telling him stories.

(it was, but ive been thinking about TAB mk lately so ill talk a lil more about him

so I think the last time i talked about mk in the context of this au, it was in the version where reader is killed while she and the boys are on the journey, and the boys go into a violent depression slump for the next thousand years. in that timeline, wukong finds mk as a toddler and raises him like his son (with macaque standing by for uncle duty). mk becomes an unstoppable force of nature under the monkey bros tutelage; enough so that any of the foes that posed a problem for him in the show are child's play in this au.

reader being present for mk's upbringing is one of the better timelines for him mentally. he gets to have a mom, for one. and instead of having just the brutal philosophy of the monkey warlords taught to him, he's also taught to have empathy and compassion. instead of just killing his enemies, he tries to show them mercy. it's a better outcome for everyone involved, honestly.

there's a few posts of mine that explain this modern iteration and reader's place in it, but let's talk about your scenario.)

reader goes on a morning walk. a rare occurrence, given her husband's love of sleeping in and their usual refusal to let her out of the pillow nest. but, they had an early appointment today, so reader took the opportunity to shirk her queenly duties and go visit some of the scenic mountain locals. whilst on her walk—

she finds a little monkey demon boy. just wandering the jungle, seemingly in awe at everything around him. reader isn't sure what to make of him. she takes notice of his unkempt state.

reader doesn't want to believe any of the monkeys would willingly neglect or abandon one of their children, but the boy is covered in dirt, his fur somewhat matted, and he has no clothes to speak of. perhaps he's just lost? he is very little. maybe his parents just lost track of him...regardless, reader feels the need to take him back to the cave to ask around and see if anyone can identify him.

when she calls out to him, he looks over at her, but doesn't respond. when she approaches him, he just...looks up at her, following her movements when she kneels to be closer to his height. reader asks for his name, and the boy doesn't respond. but he does step closer, his little tail twitching curiously.

reader cautiously reaches out to brush some of the matted dirt from his fur, moving the overgrown mess away from his face. he has amber-gold eyes, not dissimilar to what wukong said his looked like before the furnace. while reader ponders the similarities, the boy suddenly climbs into her arms. she instantly embraces him back, surprised but knowing that baby monkeys like to be held nigh constantly. poor lil guy, she thinks. probably missing his mama. the way his tiny hands grip her robes breaks her heart a little.

reader decides that she'll take care of him for now; he needs a bath, some food, and proper clothes, at least. reader takes off her overcoat and wraps it around the lil guy before hefting him up into her arms; he's pretty heavy for someone so small.

reader turns and heads back to water curtain cave. the little boy settles against her, tiny hands curled against her chest and his head in the crook of her neck. reader holds him close. she reassures him that they'll find his family.

after politely waving away a few embarrassing questions from some well-meaning monkeys along the way (no, he isn't her baby, she didn't leave for an hour or two just to have a baby, please stop saying that—on that note, do you know who his parents are), reader makes her way back to the cave.

she supposes she can see why they'd think that the child in her arms might be related to her; the boys' fur is a similar shade to her hair, though slightly darker (and the likelihood of her children being demons like their fathers is very high, should they ever have any).

as they get further into the cave, and closer to the palace, reader is stopped by a group of servants wondering about the child. reader explains as the monkeys (a small group comprised of aunties) look the child over, mulling over who's baby he could be. maybe this family? no, none of them have that fur color, and the face shape is different. perhaps he's from this village, on the east side of the mountain? no, none of them have had any babies yet this season, and the children they do have are all older than this one. they go back and forth like this for a while.

while reader talks, the boy suddenly perks up. he sits up and his eyes focus on something in the distance. reader turns to glance at what's gotten his attention.

ah, she sees.

her husbands have just finished their meeting, and one of them is now headed this way.

that's the king, she tells the boy. the boy says nothing, and stares at the approaching monarch.

reader understands why. the king is wearing his armor today, the gold plating glinting off refracted light coming from the waterfall. his cape and vestaments flow behind him as he makes his way toward them. he's the very picture of a noble ruler.

riiiiiight up until he notices that reader is carrying a child that looks suspiciously like her. his entire expression morphs into surprise, then gentle curiosity.

the king stops short in front of them. reader can almost see the gears turning in his head. he sees the gold eyes, the fur color...perhaps he's having a similar thought as his many subjects about the child's origins.

wukong steps into reader's space, a hand on her arm. his eyes are searching, a question on his face. where did this child come from? reader explains how she found him, and how she has yet to find any of his family or anybody who recognizes him. wukong assures her that if he has someone looking for him, they'll eventually turn up at the palace.

in the meantime, he may stay here, the king decrees. he can see that reader's gotten attached, and doesn't think separating the child from her would be a good idea. the little boy clings to reader like she really is his blood.

reader takes the child inside, getting him a bath and clean clothes, then takes him to kitchens to get him something to eat. wukong joins them, and attempts to get the boy to speak. reader feels her heart soften just a tad every time she sees her husband interact with the mountains' children.

---

no one ever claims the boy.

so, wukong and reader formally adopt the child, and give him the name xiaotian. he is soon accepted as first prince of flower fruit mountain.

wukong begins to train xiaotian to become a warrior as soon as he sees the boy lift his staff with suspicious ease. once he's old enough, he takes xioatian with him to the dragon palace. wukong won't give up his signature weapon, but he will steal another pillar for his son to weild. he trains the child to be as much of a threat as he is. despite his rigorous training regime, wukong is a very caring and playful father.

macaque becomes another guiding figure, and finds that the child loves to listen to stories. every night before xioatian settles next to reader's side to sleep, the darker-furred demon regales him with tales of his and wukong's exploits. reader chimes in occasionally, calling him out whenever he embellishes.

reader remains a comforting figure for xiaotian. he goes to her when he feels lost or upset, knowing that she could give him a gentler perspective on his problems. she's his rock whenever he's unsure. he knows that if he gets caught up in the politics of demon-dom, she'll be there to be a calming presence. he's very cuddly with her when he's small, and goes to her for hugs once he's bigger. he's very glad to have her around to help him.

xiaotian becomes a very cautious person as he grows, the ideals of his adopted sires pushing him to believe that most immortals, demons, and mortals are not to be trusted. however, reader teaches him that not every problem needs to be solved with violence.

his life is very different than what it could have been.

[honeyhotteoks]

do you have any advice on like getting better with writing?

hey! i definitely do!! i’ve talked about this before but i have a lot of new readers, so ill start off by saying i’ve been writing for my entire life, and im 30 so thats a lot of years. if you’re a new writer, trust me i used to be there and good god if you guys could see the stuff i published in old fandoms 💀 really, really bad haha

i only say that because i by no means consider myself a great writer, there are fic writers in this space alone that i’m always so floored by and look up to…. but people have been very kind about my writing style and it’s something that took time to develop it’s not something i just “had”. outside of fic, i was a literature and creative writing major, and got very used to writing and workshopping pieces.

now! onto some actual advice —

1. read a lot and read more, but read stuff you actually like and not stuff you feel pressured to read. i love high brow litfic as much as the next pretentious english major, but i started writing a ton after reading a bunch of kindle unlimited romance because it was fun and it got me inspired

2. watch well written television for dialogue and pacing. people do not talk in proper english, they don’t say things eloquently, and there’s a lot of filler and fluff. that’s good! that’s real, so i love well written tv to show me how it’s done

3. get comfortable writing in weird ways. for years i used to sit down and be like “ah okay so chapter one” and then i was stuck, stalled out, and just felt bad about the process. when i started writing both aurora and tnt, i started in the middle. i had an image of a scene in my mind (for tnt it was actually the claim attempt) and i just wrote it out and then bounced around later

4. outlines are your friend! sometimes i’ll get a random line of dialogue in my head or an image but that doesn’t mean i’m ready to write it. i throw it in one big outline so i don’t lose it.

5. if you’re wanting to write really good smut i have two suggestions but please only do this to your personal comfort level. this is what works for me but do not make yourself uncomfortable— for good smut, i watch porn for reference and for good dirty talk, i listen to nsfw audio. i like to really write the visuals for smut and make it immersive but lol i haven’t experienced everything ive written about and logistics of the body are hard!! i usually find a video or an audio and let that help guide the imagery im writing.

6. be comfortable with the editing process. i know the temptation to post something the minute you finish it is there, but sleep on it. come back and edit it, read the dialogue out loud if you have to. i swear you’ll make the piece better just by leaving it and coming back.

7. don’t be afraid to post. most people are kind, and the worst thing that will happen is you don’t get a lot of notes. that’s okay, it’s a process.

8. research! as i’m writing anything, even a silly little oneshot, im doing research on something. i am hyper aware that im not korean and have never spoken korean or lived in korea, so for my fic i try my hardest to ground elements of that in reality. i truly cannot tell you how many hours ive spent reading like korean case law on revenge porn just for like 3 lines of dialogue. and you don’t have to go that crazy, i’m arguably too intense, but i do think some of that helps the story and the dialogue feel real.

9. describe something real- every place in my writing is based on something real. every apartment, hotel, cafe, venue, etc., they’re all either something i’ve found online or drawn from my life and use that to my advantage. i use apartment listings and save photographs, i do google map walks to see what neighborhoods look like, anything to get the feel of a place or an experience. for the christmas chapters of aurora, i watched hours of gwangju walking tour videos on youtube while i was writing just to understand how to describe their walk in the snow. it really helps me to have a visual that i can put words to.

10. find your weak points and see what other writers do differently. if you want to improve, you should find a small place to start. is it dialogue? overall plot? smut? etc. - i’ll never forget being on a creative writing retreat, and a very important writing professor said to me “everything you write is very pretty but you haven’t said anything. you have to decide to say something.” that feedback hurt, but sent me down a much better writing path when i realized where i was falling short and not challenging myself.

okay i hope some of this was helpful and if it’s a mess im sorry im on mobile. i really just love writing so deeply and will always talk about it, so i hope this was helpful 💗

[writersblocksucksbutisuckmore]

woah, check out that banner. pretty sick I know, too bad the gifs come to a sudden stop. come in come in, check out my stuff, real intro is down there anyways

(be warned I intentionally made the pics and decor dogshit)↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓

woah bro, you made it, whatta a travel you had to thru from that gamzee image border thing, alr done fucking around, welcome to the blog.

quick summary, I'm a fanfic writer who had hardcore writers block and have now accepted my fate to quit being such a perfectionist. now I'm just gonna kinda chill and lay back, I've been wanting to write fics but life has been getting in the way. this account is just relaxing. plus I get to write and feel good abt it, just pop in and out.

listen this part is gonna be important, I have a thing for character accuracy. I don't like writing a well known wimpy character to suddenly be a dominant sex god. If you're into more out of character things then I'm not for you. love you bro but I'm not gonna do it, </3.

im gonna be lazy when it comes to this account, so know I'll write your fic and do it with the reminder of character accuracy at hand. I'm also thinking of doing other things too, but once I've got a hang of this I'll get to those plans.

RULES

Not Allowed.

nsfw on minors is a nono.

no aging up minors for nsfw

nothing illegal bro

Allowed!

fluff

nsfw

angst

headcanons (dating types, character hcs whatever hcs)

ill do whatever

So-So Zone

canon x canon, Ive never been a fan of it I'm mostly been an x reader type of person. however I'll give some canon x canons a try.

character match ups, basically tell me about yourself and I'll give you a character you match with. tell me the fandoms you want your characters from.

some yanderes I can let slide, the stalker types I'm fine with but those murder gore types is a nonooo.

x reader (nsfw/sfw) : OPEN

be specific, just know it will be like a oneshot

hcs (nsfw/sfw/whatever) : OPEN

nothing of note

be specific if u want it to be gn reader or not or if you want hcs or a oneshot ectect. I had this issue where ppl just said "reader x wibsisbw fluff" and I didnt know what they wanted so I just did both. if you want a oneshot or hcs say it, if you want both please lmk (and obvi if u want anything else lmk)

everything is open right now, I will update this post whenever something is closed.

this post will hold all the requests that have been accepted for those who wanna know.

gravity falls

cookie run

creepypasta

madness combat

mha

spooky month

homestuck (won't do homestuck for long tho)

small fandom list for now, just to keep a steady start.

watch me forget I made this account in like a couple hours, y did I even make this gamzee themed

anyways send your requests, if you want an idea of my writing style check out my other acc that I disappeared from for reference. but again remember this acc ain't gonna be like that one @paperdice

[angelismmm]

Hello. This is my first time using an askbox(?) So please forgive any mistakes

How would you see Jing Yuan react with a tired/stressed out female s/o who just started to let go of self care and has been too critical with herself (Physically and Mentally). And also been more recluse even with him?

Can I ask both sfw/nsfw head canon (if this is the right term hehe)

And umm I don't know if I saw correctly in hour masterlist that you have indications of anons. If so can I be ☕Anon?

Thank you so much!

synopsis. taking care of his stressed female s/o!

warnings. uhh smut at the end i guess cuz nsfw hcs are included!!

author's note. YEAH OFC U CAN BE ☕ ANON!!! oh my god no more writers' block guys guess whos ready to rumblewrite!?!?!?!

pairings: jing yuan x fem!reader

sfw hcs first whipeee!!!

he won't let that shit slide tbh, like he always tells you to give the best, you should be at your best, and that isn't what you're going through rn.

and if it's srsly to the point you even stop coming to bed, which is usually the case very sadly, he will take matters into his own hands. even if it means he has to take work away from you

like he knows you work hard, and you love your job and stuff, but when you start to prioritize work over yourself? that crosses the line.

and whenever he sees or hears you continuously critiquing yourself, he will tell you you're doing great in 50 different ways.

and while yes, he likes to laze around more rather than working cuz he probably gives all the paperwork to his assistants, he would help you out with your job if you really won't budge

is especially mad when the deadline is weeks away too, like damn calm down its deadline is in 2 weeks

nsfw hcs AAAA

ok so ive mentioned before he'd be a lowkey bully in bed BUT. but. he would be all about your pleasure if it means you'll stop stressing out, or stop with doing work thats in 2 weeks cuz cmon.. 2 weeks is alot.

or atleast he tries to be somewhat 'gentle', can't help being so big that your tight pussy can't handle yk? just loses himself when he's inside

like whenever he's like fucking you to make you feel good he has to remind himself that he shouldn't be like just doing for his pleasure and sake alone

ANYWAYS. likes to eat you out the most honestly, and especially when you are stressed cuz he KNOWS you love it when he eats you out

and knows you like it when he praises the HELLL out of you

oh and any position where he can see your pretty face reacting to how deep he's inside is just fine w him, just as long as he gets the chance to see you and your cute pussy sure

probably would sit you on his cock while he does your work for you :D!!

probably grunts and groans more than whine and moan, like he's just that kind of man when you stressed as hell yk?!?!!?

just wants to focus on you the entire time of having sex, and always asks if you want more rounds cuz like he doesn't wanna break you like he'd usually do haha

no but srsly he'll try his best to be gentle, every little sound you make counts!!

quick post again to keep up with my upload sched on here!!!

[cosmicdream222]

It’s been a while since I made a Master Shifter Vanilla post. I came across this one and it went along with some asks and discussions I’ve been posting lately. This one is for my Scorpio anon 🌝

As always, the author of the original post is a master shifter called Vanilla/Love who was active on amino several years ago. I have edited her posts for grammar and clarity, but all credit belongs to her. The original post.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Vanilla explains: Past Lives, Death & Afterlives

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

TW - Mention of death

Table of Contents

i. Intro

ii. Note

iii. Death

- What Happens

- Where Do I Go

- What Is There

iv. Past Lives

v. Outro

i. Intro

In this post, I’ll delve into some topics that are pretty unknown around here - death and afterlives in the multiverse. What is it? What happens? Please make sure to read the note and enjoy!

ii. Note

Please keep in mind that all these things are experiences from me and several other multiverse explorers. I've already died around 50-100 times and visited way over 200+ afterlives in all kinds of reality concepts. Of course, it always differs in realities, but some basic things are always the same, such as the root of an afterlife and its purpose in a reality concept. This post is here to take away worries so you can be sure: death is nothing scary and never an end.

iii. Death

Let's talk about death - the end of a life. But really, no, it’s actually not. A lot of things happen, but even they are not ultimate. Death itself is not ultimate. There are as many realities where death exists as there are some where it doesn't. In fact, the topic of "death" around the multiverse is a heated debate.

Negative things like anger, worries, doubts, fear, pain, jealousy, and all these things are not natural. They are mostly (in this reality concept) a product of being human, and our subconscious mind always tries its best to keep them away from us. But still, they are part of some reality concepts, often the ones that the mainstream of awarenesses avoids.

It's the same with death. An awareness is not made to be gone. So, there are people saying that death is a terrible part of the multiverse, and there are people saying that death is, like the concept of "identity," a nice extra in some realities. Whatever party you choose, it's completely valid.

What Happens

Now, let's address the most important question: what happens when we die? What does that mean? We die, or at least our "life body" does. The body that breathes, drinks, eats, moves during our lifetime. It can die in many ways, because we get too old, have an injury, accidents, you know what I mean. The most common way is this one:

You die at some point, there is a moment where you 100% will no longer live.

This moment can be triggered by many causes, but whatever it is, the same thing happens.

Before your life body dies, you automatically spawn in an afterlife.*

*depending on the individual

That means you don't feel it, you do not suffer. When you reach the point where you won't live anymore, you'll just pop up there in your "afterlife body." The rest depends on the reality concept and the afterlife itself. This way, it's possible for you to experience life, death, and afterlife without worrying about such stuff.

When you get hit by a car would you suffer for the next 4 hours? No, you are already in an afterlife - gone before the car even touches you. When you are really, really sick and would definitely die at some point? Individual - some want to experience it (because of, for example, loved ones) till a few hours before they die, some do not want that, and some do without actually "being in their physical body" - that means that you can talk, think, feel, interact with everything but the sick, physical body cannot affect you. It will happen exactly how you want. Remember: your reality, your rules. But what happens after it?

Where Do I Go?

That is really individual. There is no "ultimate" afterlife and no "ultimate" even after you die. It basically happens however you want. Many here are afraid of "not being able to shift" in an afterlife. But do you know what? Theoretically, it is even easier than here in this reality, in this life, because there is nothing that can influence you. No physical circumstances, nothing. You'll shift from there exactly like in the rest of the multiverse, 100% instantly. So now that we've cleared this up, what are your options?

1. You die and just shift to the reality of your desire (NOT respawning). You don't have to spawn in an afterlife; you can also just spawn in your DR or wherever you want. There are no limits. You can also say you want to leave the 3D, also known as entering the void. Completely possible.

2. You spawn in an afterlife. Do not worry about stuff you don't want there. I'll talk more about this point later, but when you don't want specific creatures or circumstances there, they will not be there.

But what kinds of afterlives can you spawn in? The most common in this reality are religious ones (only when you are religious, so you won't be there unintended) or the astral plane (I do know that it is more complex, but that's it - the astral plane is just a bigger afterlife, nothing more).

Besides these two options, you can always choose anything else. You just want to be in a pretty paradise? You'll be there. You want certain circumstances removed from things you already know, for example, "heaven-hell," but everyone is super nice, of course, you can have it! There are no limits.

What Is There

But what is there now? A lot. Whatever you want. The most popular things here are probably gods, demons, angels, dragons, and spirits. But none of these creatures are something to worry about. Remember when I said, "as we know, negative things like anger, worries, doubts, fear, pain, jealousy, and all these things are not natural." This also applies there. No species is naturally evil or negative. No demon is naturally evil or negative. When I, for example, talk about gods, I like to use this example: They are just a species, like dogs and bees are animals. Very different but still the same in the root.

So yes, of course, a demon and a human are very different, but they are just species, like gods, like angels, like unicorns. Nothing special at all. Totally equal. If you want them to be evil (NOT assuming, genuinely wanting), they are. If you don't want it, they won't. That is a very easy rule for everything. You want heaven but only with Greek gods? This is exactly as valid and totally equal to everything else. An afterlife is as customizable as the reality itself, that means 100%. You don't have to plan everything in great detail; let it surprise you. There will never ever be something you don't want around.

iv. Past Lives

Let's have a last talk about past lives. Will you remember them? What can you find out? What if there's something you don't want? What if you are a completely different person? That is really, really easy to answer: you don’t have a specific "past life."

Reality is 100% customizable. Past, present, future. You control it all. There is simply no truth, no beginning, no ending in the multiverse.

It is exactly the same as having a comfort version of your identity. Yes, there can be something you like the most or feel the most connected to, but it is still never the "truth" because no ultimate truth exists.

Or let's put it the other way: EVERYTHING is the truth. If you want your past life to be in Hogwarts, it is TRUE, 100%. If you spawn in an afterlife and want to remember every single one of your "past lives," then you'll remember your life in Hogwarts.

You can fully customize your past, even this one. For example, you want to remember this life differently, certain things, everything, no matter what. And you spawn in the afterlife, or you shift, or whatever you want to, then you'll exactly remember that version of this life that you want to remember. This is then 100% real, 100% happened like this.

There are no limits. Absolutely none, never.

v. Outro

That was the post! I hope you liked it and it cleared up some worries and misconceptions. Remember two things from here:

1. Everything is customizable and

2. Death is never the end. Never ever.

[elkkiel]

Sorry friends, this is gonna be a long one. I feel like speaking in a space where someone may see and perceive what I'm saying is helpful to personal accountability. Please feel free to skip, it's more of a thought dump than anything (I am midway through writing now and I think I lost the plot a while ago lol)

Topics covered: grind culture, mental health, self-care, and learning when to manually sound the alarm for yourself as an audhd-er in the deep end of life.

Here's some tags that I left on the the grind culture reblog before this. I just wanted to share some thoughts and didn't want them to get lost; I feel like making a proper post really solidifies the situation (sorta like getting those abstract thoughts from your head onto paper, and realizing just how bad it is when it's all laid out before you.) And I want to make a change when I can finally get my head above water.

I think it can be especially difficult for us AuDHDers, since we don't necessarily have alarm bells installed that neurotypicals in similar situations may have but "choose" (consciously or not) to ignore. Things can really spiral into a bad place quickly if you don't have the cues or signs to alert you. We need to be diligent in doing those manual checks ourselves, KNOWING that we have struggles that make life just that much more difficult.

Take inventory of your life. Do you allocate time to self-care activities, and/or are those the right activities for you? Turns out for me that building a complex skin care routine (as suggested by mainstream self-care culture) only stresses me out more. Especially when I never have the energy to do it, making me feel bad when I only manage to do the basics *sometimes* (and the stress acne persists smh my head). My therapist recommended productive activities that involve both current hyperfixes and that ADHD Motor™. I want to learn basic carpentry over the summer, since I love working with my hands! For now, drawing masked men as cats will suffice (though I will not complain about the kittenification of my faves)

Choose a moment to consciously feel how your body is feeling. Check in with yourself! This is important for my alexithymia bitches. Are you more fatigued than usual? Are your muscles tense for some reason? Have you been hungry with no appetite? If you notice anything, let's make some connections—really dig into it. The instance I mentioned in the tags above was a really clear one for me. I took like 12 hours on the IV in the Ivy art instead of coursework, and that weekend I slept almost 22 hours. A few days later, I'm still in a cycle of horrible fatigue and excessive sleep. Connecting the trigger event (taking the time to create "unnecessary" art) to current sensations (extreme fatigue) is giving me insight into how stressed I actually am that I wouldn't have really seen otherwise.

I'm also feeling more and more aware of how activities and things become a bit of a crutch to avoid expending energy on social activities. Idk how many other people deal with this particular problem, but I have almost zero social drive. Like I legitimately don't feel the need to meet people and see friends. Almost 100% of my social needs are covered by talking to my parents, chatting with the girls at work (while at work) and passively absorbing interactions from complete strangers within earshot. It's one of the big things I'm continually documenting for when I can finally afford to get evaluated for autism (babygirl I don't even have enough for the ADHD assessment yet and that's more crucial for disability stuff lol) and it makes life real tough.

Not having the time nor the drive to invest in relationships really stunts you as a person in my experience. I don't know how to actually quantify what makes a friend (e.g. are we friends because we are Tumblr mutuals who haven't had an actual conversation but hype each other up in notes?) and I don't have any time to learn. I can't participate in leisure activities that may take some of the pressure off since I haven't been able to practice initiating interactions. It baffles me how some of the girls at work just casually meet up outside of work, or make plans out of the blue in a conversation (how tf do you gauge when/if to propose something????)

Like, it's bad. I haven't seen my best friend in a year and a half, and even the term "best friend" almost definitely isn't accurate in this scenario anymore. It's just another stressor that could potentially be avoided by lifting one's nose from the grindstone, but it's so intimidating to even try at this point. I don't feel the drive to be friends, but something tells me it's healthier than being alone with my work and thoughts.

Idk I think that's all I have for now. I definitely went on a tangent or two that don't connect back to the original idea so apologies for the letter-based vomit.

ty if you read any of this, if you have any thoughts or input I'm always open for replies or asks. The world is big and fast and horrible and confusing a lot of the time, but I think sharing experiences helps to keep things in perspective.

maybe I'll ask more targeted questions for community input some other time because I'm genuinely curious how to navigate around social deficits (the "who is a Friend and why?" thing especially because I genuinely have zero clue)

anyways have a good day, drink some water, take ur meds, and be kind to yourself

[ateriblewriter]

Ducky Gets Sick

Baby Ducky AU

Baby Ducky Masterlist

Enjoy!

“Oh Kins, let it out.” Y/N rubbed the child’s back. She started getting sick when Jamie was three days into the roadie. At first it was a small fever and a cough, nothing too crazy. Y/N had still kept her home from preschool. Now the fever got higher and she couldn’t keep anything solid down.

“I want my daddy.” The small child heaved again into the bucket that had been placed next to her bed. Kinsley had never really been sick like this before, she didn't really understand it, all she knew was she wanted it to stop and for her daddy to be there.

“I know, I know.” The nanny checked the time again, noting that the boys were still currently in the middle of a game somewhere in the Midwest. She had talked to Jamie earlier that day when the bug Kins had caught wasn’t that bad. But now it was worse and Y/N couldn’t get a hold of anyone.

“Jamie. This is my fifth message I’ve left you in like the past hour and I can’t get a hold of anyone else. I know you’re in the middle of a game, but you need to come home. Ducky is very sick. Her temp’s gone up and she’s throwing up is bad. I'm going to take her to the hospital as soon as I get off the phone. All she’s asking for is her daddy and when is he going to come home. Please. Please come home soon.”

Jamie got the message after the first period and decided to call her back immediately after listening. He hated being states away when baby girl was so sick like this. He was usually the only one to make her feel better when she was like this.

“How is she?” He bit the inside of his lip trying to contain how worried he was. His heart sank when he heard her howling and screaming in the background. She must have just gotten sick again.

“The doctors think it’s just a bad bug, but they’re going to do a couple more tests. She’s dehydrated. They’ve got an IV in her. If everything comes back good, she can go home tomorrow morning.” Y/N tells him. She wants him home, maybe even more than Kinsley did.

“Daddy! Daddy!” The little duck cried loudly. Jamie could hear her through the phone crying out for him as she threw up again.

“Look Jamie, I gotta go. Right now isn’t a good time. Just get home as soon as possible.” Y/N said hanging up on the single father. Normally she’d feel bad about hanging up the phone like that but right now Y/N needed to get the child she watched to calm down.

“It’s not good is it?” Trevor asked his friend who had his eyes closed. “You are her only parent. They’ll understand if you need to get back. Just go.” He put a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you Z.” Jamie got changed as fast as he could. It was still going to be another five hours until he was able to get to his child. In his mind that was still too long, but there was nothing he could do about the time difference.

“Keep me posted on how she is.” Trevor reached into one of his bags, producing a new stuffed animal he got for the kid to add to the collection. “Give her this. Tell her I had to fight someone for it, it’ll probably make her laugh.”

Jamie got home just after two thirty in the morning, rushing straight to the hospital and up to the room where his child was. He placed the stuffed sloth plush from Trevor on the side table, before taking Y/N place in holding Kinsley as she slept. He kissed the top of her head as she stirred slightly after being moved around.

"Daddy?" The young child rubbed the sleep from her eyes with the bandaged hand that contained the iv. "I don't feel good."

"I know baby. Try going back to sleep." Jamie rubbed circles into her back lulling her back to sleep. She looked so peaceful like that but he know it would only be a matter of time before she would probably get sick again.

“Have they said anything different after those tests you mentioned?” He asked as she proceeded to give him the rundown of everything they had done.

“They ruled out meningitis, and pneumonia.” Simply put it was a bad case of the stomach bug, and after her temp went down a bit more and the nausea stopped, he would be able to bring her home to recover there.

Jamie was relieved that his baby would be just fine. He didn’t know how he would be able to survive if his baby duck met the same cruel fate as her mother. Thankfully he would never have to find out anytime soon as he held her close to his heart.

If you have any suggestions or comments I’d love to hear them!

[vamptastic]

spoilers ahead if you haven't listened to wolf 359 and you like scifi and/or story podcasts (or if you don't wanna read a long analysis post) PLEASE go watch it and ignore the rest of the post. its so so so good i promise.

so ive been re-listening to wolf 359 for probably the fifth time on my weird old outdated patched version of spotify. and spotify does this weird thing where if you play something else, then come back to a podcast ep you're not finished with it goes back a minute or so, presumably to help you remember what was going on. and i usually skip the last few minutes of each ep when the barrage of ads starts. which means that as i go back and listen to it for the nth time, if i forget to manually skip to the next episode, each episode starts by playing the last minute or so of the ep until i find my phone and rewind.

and its actually been a shockingly fun way to relisten, especially as the show goes further and further from silly goofy space hijinks to serious suspenseful drama (with occasional hijinks). i'm just struck by how purposeful each episode is later on in the show (and earlier, but the episodes get more...purposeful as the plot starts reaching its climax). there's exceptions, obviously, but the general structure is half the characters doing something silly, while the other half do something important and serious, and the two contrast each other. and even though the two situations seem disparate and tonally opposite at first, they always end up being more of a parallel than a foil by the end. usually, this kind of dawns me in an "oh, that's what the point of this episode was" moment brought on by the last few minutes of the episode.

one of my favorite episodes, ep 34 "a matter of perspective" is a great example. half the crew is trying to restore the signal for alien transmissions, the other half is playing a terrible board game. this is also in the pivotal part of the show before our evil corporate overlords show up where we're getting to know jacobi, maxwell, and keppler in a relatively short period of time compared to the rest of the cast, and i'm always impressed by how fleshed out they were when they got a lot less screentime.

anyway the contrast here is really interesting. keppler is demanding the impossible from eiffel, and the rest of the crew sans jacobi are trying to win an impossible game (the accursed funzo). at the end of the episode, jacobi explains why keppler is doing what he's doing (side note: the whole military "demand the impossible from your subordinates" thing is so insane), and keppler remembers the end to his joke: the pig, despite its usefulness, despite the fact that it does fucking taxes, is still being eaten. slowly but surely. it's such good insight into kepplers character its such good writing! he is a corporate slave who doesn't realize it, he is a deeply talented man who is letting his entire life be consumed by people who do not care about him and his wants and needs and happiness for a cause he will eventually learn is abjectly evil. meanwhile, maxwell, hera, lovelace, and minkowski finish their game of funzo by collectively losing after playing for 10 hours. they are also pouring time and energy into something pointless! everybody loses!

anyway the reason i even mention the whole spotify rewinding thing is that i never really noticed the point of this episode until i listened to the end of the pig joke first. which is probably on me, the metaphor is really obvious in hindsight, but up until now i just thought of the funzo part of the episode as haha silly board game time. having the thesis of the episode presented first is making me realize how genius the writing was in episodes i previously didn't get. i think the entire show is kinda like this, i could listen to it an endless number of times because each and every episode has some kind of double meaning that isn't always initially obvious, especially when you go in blind not knowing that things are getting serious.

the only other work i've read so far that does something similar is probably house of leaves, which is designed to make you read it over and over and search for meaning and has 3+ plots occurring at any given moment. i'm just really struck by how masterful the writing in wolf 359 is that it can achieve a similar feat without the meta elements, nebulous plot, and multiple narrators that house of leaves has.

short version: i think it's really fucking cool how the end of each wolf 359 episode presents the thesis of the episode in a non-obvious way, and listening to the series while having the last few minutes presented first is helping me understand what episodes i didn't previously appreciate were trying to get across. wolf 359 is really fucking good, basically.

[orchidyoonkook]

personal

Hi, need to scream. Tumblr seems to listen best. can and please feel free to ignore.

okay so essentially my job has removed all of the things I use and need in order to be able to do my job with my mental disorder. my mental DISABILTY. that i was honest with them and told them about at my freaking trial shift. that i told them i needed certain things in order to do well. nothing drastic. but things that helped me significantly with my performace.

SOOOOOOOOO i am now severely struggling at my job because they've taken those away cuz they were 'annoying' or 'in the way' or 'clutter'. like. im not even leaving shit every where. It's like, maybe at most 3 sticky notes? (for example) and they're written just for me, like just so i can have a list of things i can do and know to go back and look on when i need a task because ive finished the one i was doing. but then my boss reads them and critiques them as if they're for everyone. or says 'okay yeah but we do that every day so i dont see why you have to write it down. you should know to do it by now' LIKE BRO. I forget to put deodorant on some days because of said mental disability. it's something i do and have done every day since i was 12 or 13. thats 12 years. and i still forget some days just cuz my brain wasn't working properly.

AND now due to this they have put me, one of the staff currently with more seniority than 3 other staff, down to one shift a week, while every one else is full time or heavily part time.

In march i was full time and kicking ass, I was the fastest employee on my tasks, i was doing great, the customers loved me and now that all of my things that i need in order to function have been removed for everyone else's aesthetic preferences, I'm suffering, and most likely being silently fired.

like... what do i do with that. I can do my job, with my accomadations - that arent that many btw - i dont expect them to move mountains for me. But dude. I hate this feeling so much because i'm capable, theyve seen me be capable. i was for 1.5 years. like i want to be good at my job. I like and enjoy being good at my job. i've told them that. I want to do good but my ability to be good is being derailed, and i just get told to try harder, just work harder, impress your boss with how hard you work -> for minimum wage, i might add.

and everyone is like "just get a new job, just apply for more jobs you're not applying for enough, literally just apply for everything, even if youre not qualified" and i cant just do that, due to said disability. there are jobs i am unable to do. so i have to be a lil picky otherwise i'll be right back where i am now. and ive been looking for months and applying for months with no luck - no one ever responds. why list jobs if you dont respond?????

it's getting to the point where im debating opening up drawing commissions or writing commissions, or something that i can make to earn a little extra cash here and there while i get over this transition period. And that's a big deal for me because i don't do commissions. I do my art for myself or for when i want to share something i've made already, like the UTWT books. Hell, I did a tattoo design for a friend on here that i put easily 40 hours into, and i felt guilty that they wanted to pay me for it because i'd asked them for the idea. Like, i don't do commissions. so for me to be considering it is really telling for me.

anyways. this is a bajillion words long now, but i already feel better. and I'm posting it in the middle of the night in hopes that the void just consumes it and never lets it see the light of day.

If you read this, thanks and sorry for the bummer of a post. This isnt a pity party or a poor yoon thing. I'm not looking for comfort or any of that. this is a 'i don't have a therapist and my friends and partner and family are sick of hearing me bitch, when i havent been able to fix it in months despite trying my best too' thing. so yeah..

i hope the new year brings me something good.

[spookfished]

media roundup march-jul

this is my review backlog from when i was like getting ground into the ground working at a summercamp lol. ..if my thoughts are really short i probably just wrote it

NOTE FROM WHEN I STARTED THIS IN LIKE JULY: hey guys whats up! i was like "during spring break im going to read so much!" then i had to 'apply' for 'jobs' :( also i was playing so many games (not umineko though. sorry rokkenjima-ers). then like 5 months passed! woops. now i am a college graduate and unemployed 👍so now i have plenty of time to do things like this lol. making a post for these and then for everything in august. skipping the music section also bc i dont feel like it. some things really worth spotlighting were small victories, wrath goddess sing, and honk for jesus.

books:

what feasts at night by t kingfisher: horror novella (?) about a scary house and an ex-soldier. i liked reading ursula vernons reading as always, but this was a bit too short for me to really get a feeling for anything… it also didnt have the same visceral horror as their previous book (what moves the dead) so i was a bit disappointed :(

cathay by ezra pound: a book of tang dynasty poetry translated by notable contemporary poet (and infamous fascist) ezra pound. ts eliot once said that cathay "invented" chinese poetry in the mind of the western reader, which is weird bc he didnt speak a lick of chinese at the time. umm tldr i didnt like this book but i did write 750 words of review including a translation of my own (NOTE FROM TODAY IN OCTOBER: I WROTE THIS LONG ENOUGH AGO FOR CLASS THAT ITS ACTUALLY KINDA EMARRASSING NOW SO PLS BE NICE) if youre interested in that kind of thing lol

wrath goddess sing by maya deane: retelling of achilles where she is a trans woman. dathomira's review of this book can speak more for it than i ever could (and also its been a couple months..) but i really really enjoyed this book. go check it out!

a clear and muddy loss of love by please don't laugh: f/f webnovel. qiyan agula, female prince of the grass plains, has sworn her revenge on the nangong emperor after his reign killed her family and annexed her country. she ends up engaged to the emperor's daughter, nangong jingnu--but their bond makes it harder and harder for qiyan to enact her promised vengance. vibes wise, its kinda like baru cormorant but tilted way farther towards romance than political intrigue. i really loved this!! the way their relationship grows together…. qiyans gender fuckery…. the length of a webnovel really lets you sink into jingnus character development--its such a turnaround that i think it would be hard to do somewhere else. yay i love baihe

year of rice and salt by kim stanley robinson: what if instead of 30% of europe dying from the black plague, 99% of europe died? how would that shape the centuries to come? also, buddhism is here. this book is really well done and really well researched. the audiobook is reaaally good to listen to while travelling--the narrator, uh, doesnt pronounce everything the best but has this really velvety voice that i loved. i had a good time listening to this while driving cross-country (i only did a little of the driving lol) but fell off a little bit after that. also, if anyone knows any books that are more just like the first part let me know!

videogames:

ultrakill: YEAHHH ULTRAKILL HELL IS FULL BLOOD IS FUEL ETC. ok if youre involved in like the trans indie gaming community at all, youve probably? at least heard a teeny bit about ultrakill, which is a fast-paced mega-violent retro FPS about being a robot descending throug hell and KILLING!! i was really unsure about if id like this personally (jumpy, didnt like ovewatch or most fps ive played) but like. dude. ive sunk so many hours into ultrakill this month. im literally on the last layer rn (the game is currently in early access, but theres plenty to do). people call this game overwhelming, but i guess ive felt that since its a single player game its way Less overwhelming than something like um, ovewatch again lol. ultrakill's blood-to-heal mechanic encourages the player to get close and dirty, and there are tons of mechanics that sound as cool as they feel--punching bullets back at the enemy, ricocheting coins into weak points, etc. also gabriel is here!!! i like him a lot :3 theres a free demo here if it seems like its up your alley

yakuza 0: a brawler game set in glitzy 80's japan, following kazuma kiryus rise to power within the yakuza--at least i think thats whats going on? after all, hes the protagonist of like 5 other games also called "yakuza." this game glories in violence and materialism (you use money instead of xp to upgrade your abilities) and it has a gritty story full of sad-eyed men smoking, backstabbing, and losing everything. yakuzas one of those series that kinda hangs around in the background with a couple people Absolutely Obsessed with it, so its nice to see it live up to the hype. im only on chapter 3 (out of 16?) so far, but im really enjoying it :3 of course, yakuza is famous for having lots of minigames but ive only sampled a couple of them so i dont feel like i can really comment on that yet. some of the cutscenes are kinda long but the voice acting is really good…. i usually do stuff like make my bed or fold laundry while im watching lol. id recommend it so far :3

neon white: scratches the ultrakill speedrunning itch but if the only part of ultrakill was speedrunning and the gritty visual element was replaced by like, smooth apple-style celestial gloss (theres no ground pound even!). in ultrakill you get a beautiful array of tools (guns) to solve the same problem (killing a guy) in multiple ways but with neon white theres essentially one perfectly bite sized (most missions are 30 seconds or less) solution and you just have to get as close to it as you can. brought down of course by the extremely corny writing and voice acting, which at least has the decency to be sincere--it grew on me, but not by much. having cutscenes interrupt the mission sets was also deeply frustrating. IT FUCKS THE FLOW, MAN. anyways still a really really good game with an amazing soundtrack that i would recommend for any first person platform likers or speedrunners

rabbit and steel: just a really fun mmo-type (GCD-based) game! for like, wow/ffxiv raiders who wish those games had fewer cutscenes to sit through haha or potential raiders who dont want to put together a static…

ghost trick: afaik, shu takumi's only standalone mystery game. a ghost detective investigates the mystery behind his death by possessing objects and tricking on them, ghost style. um the ghost trick fandom is very strident about playing spoilerless, and i do think that was definitely good! some of the twists here are pretty crazy. but, like, i think that insistence made me think that ghost trick was going to be "lifechangingly good" instead of just "very good" -- which it is! the puzzles are very clever and fun and the writing is, of course, really funny, charming, and heartfelt. but i couldnt help but be just a little bit disappointed? still a good game though.

balatro: poker game where all the rules are malleable--for the right price. dude balatro made it so much harder for me to pass my finals. really good game if u are a numbers type of person (or maybe really bad) i think i would have sunk a LOT more time into this if pikmin hadnt come around

tv/movies:

dear ex (rewatch): i already talked about this on one of my [other posts] but rewatching it was good :3 i cried again

brave bang bravern: bravern is like… a pastiche of the mecha genre? that mixes like, gritty war mecha shows with fluffy sentai-like shows that ultimately ends up having a lot of heart and sincerity. and also gay people?? idk i really liked it but i think u kinda have to be mecha-pilled at least a little bit already for sure

shogun: woops i forgot to finish watching this. well its a drama about this british sailor who shipwrecks on japan in the middle of a power grab (by tokugawa) really fun! unfortunately i frequently do not have the attention span for hour long episodes unless someone makes me do it

honk for jesus: drama? about the wife of a megachurch pastor who is trying to stage his big return. about what she gets from staying with him, what she endures and what she inflicts on others as a result. (also, image!) really interesting to watch as someone who knows very little about megachurches, with some fantastic acting

life is short girl walk on: sort of an anti-romcom? about one girls wild night out. soo so so pretty it really captures when youre like out really late with your more adventurous friends and youre like wow literally anything could happen rn. definitely worth a watch 👍

challengers: bro all the filmheads saw challengers its the tennis threesome movie. its really good enough said

i saw the tv glow: i watched this movie on a shitty tv interrupted by gambling ads like three times and it still ripped my dick off. man. not a lot to say about this one bc i already talked about it a bunch with other people but i think everyone should watch it

marcel the shell with shoes on: slice of life movie about, well, a living shell. with shoes on. actually really really good?? i was so surprised (the trailer is like accurate but at the same time makes it seem kinda hallmark twee) and like it is a little bit cutesy but not in a way that diminishes the movie itself or its messaging.. i think it being pretty offbeat and also the internet elements (?) also helped balance this. has the pikmin element of "wow being small really helps you to marvel at the world's beauty in a new way" while also being about connection and grief.

the bad guys: animal heist movie. its pretty good even if i don't like akwafina very much at all. fun and soothingly predictable with nice art

podcasts:

small victories: small victories is a slice of life/drama podcast about marisol, a recovering drug addict trying to put her life back together--and it's really going to happen this time, for sure! marisol has such a clear and engaging voice (and her voice actor is so great!) that you can't help but root for her no matter what, even when she messes up horrendously. it made me go like this o_o 🫢 alone in my room like i was eavesdropping on a breaking up couple at a party

thanks for reading if you did! or even if you didnt? anyways this has been stewing in my notes for multiple months. be free

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post

but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp

also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol

(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapped" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)

(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)

this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp

but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol

and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)

everything in my queue is now 2 post per 24 hours (as of: 20 April 2024)

ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this nth new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol

tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)

#me - me posting something

#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post

#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao

#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them

#nutty nutcrackers / #the nutcracker - another Special Interest tag. pretty self-explanatory, i like The Nutcracker a lot lmao

#betty boop - you would think this belongs with fandom tags, but no. part of why i am obsessed with her (and have been since i was, like, 14) is because she was the popularization of the very next tag's trend

#infantalization in animation - it's when you apply baby facial proportions to an adult bodied character, it's most often done in female characters. i'll be using this tag outside of animated stuff btw. but yeah, anything that examines that visual design choice i am all 👀 over lmao

#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)

↳ #animal art

↳ #background art

↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type

↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)

#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use

#art tips

#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice

#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice

#[insert fandom here]

#[insert fandom here] analysis

(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags. this is not all of my fandom tags)

● #studio ghibli, #[insert studio ghibli title here] (i tag both the movie itself and studio. because sometimes i want something from the original movie, so i go into those tags; and i also go to the studio to look at overarching things since the studio has such a strong overall aesthetic/visual brand)

● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)

● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)

● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)

● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)

● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")

● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)

● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)