#ive been trying to get this imaging for a long time but now the self doubt and bodily anxiety comes in.

[nevermindtheblood]

ive had total apathy and general dysphoria lately. everyone and everything in my life feels like layers of cling wrap and i cant breathe despite the fact these things are peaceful and genuine. i cannot stay in my body long enough to ever feel like i belong on earth or in someone's arms.

also i skipped my night meds because i have moderate sedation for a procedure tomorrow morning and i get paranoid of interactions. ive now been up twitching itching and in pain and not tired ar all for two fucking hours and i ALREADY went to bed late. little pricks and needles all over my skin and it's sensory HELL. i have such bad stomach cramps and heartburn too that wont STOP. it hurts so bad.

my alarm is in five hours. fuck me. i guess ill play hexa sort and other phone games

[sillyjpeg]

BOOK OF BILL WEBSITE CHANGE

this contains MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE WEBSITE CHANGE. if you want to find shit urself, dont read this!!!

also this is part one of probably many bc i cant fit everything in here. curse you image limit

i wont be going over alot of the not as important stuff, but still go explore the website for it because i got alot of good laughs!

RIGHT OFF THE BAT. In the top right corner of the screen when the lightning flashes, there are words revealed carved in the wall. it reads: VALLIS CINERIS. when this is typed into the computer it gives this video:

haunting. really giving me analog horror vibes. wasnt sure what else to do with this though.

I also noticed that on the candle in the right side of the desk, there is a code

this is decoded used the rune code, and translates into CURSED. when put into the computer, this is what is given back:

interesting.

One of the first things me and my friends did was go through the main characters names. the most interesting one of these for me is definitely Stanley, but i want to go over Pacifica first because Stanleys is LONG.

When you type in Pacifica you get this:

I love her signature btw. BUT if you type in Platinum Paz, you get somethin very, very interesting.

This may not be in the right order so forgive me, but at the end of that code, if you use a shift decoder (im so smart sue me)

it says: "STAY AWAY FROM HER CIPHER. SHE HAS THE PROTECTION OF THE LUMBERFOLKS SPIRITS"

pacificas character development has always been special to me, and this was honestly chilling. in the book of bill we see that she has nightmares about the lumberjack, and this shows how much guilt she carries. her finally finding her peace with what happened made me smile :)

but as nice and heartwarming as this is, were moving on to STANLEY PINES! and oh BOY are the stanley lovers having a field day. so first of all, if you type in Stanley, it will take you to a few different links. including gold chains, brass knuckles, an 8 ball cane, a fez, and a colonel neck tie. funny right? if you keep entering his name, this pops up:

Below this is a bunch of things with the label of being shameful. one of them is very interesting but im gonna put some lighter stuff first for the sillies.

i need alex to show us the photos from the hunky drifters catalogue alex can you hear me please i mean WHO SAID THATTTT WHO SAID THATTTTTT

ALSO NO ONE COMING TO HIS FAKE FUNERAL EXCEPT HIS MOM :( she loved her little free spirit stanley

ALSO- him stripping for flour in Tijuana, again, i need photographic evidence.

his ex wives list also made me giggle. he was MARRIED TO OLD GOLDIE????? also Marilyn being Eda made me giggle, i love the fact that they got married at some point. get them back together please. also stan having smaller hands than ford and being self-conscious about it stan i love you mwah mwah mwah

ALSO FILBRICK TRYING TO SELL STAN FOR GETTIN AN F- PLEASE

anyways now onto the section at the bottom of the Wheel of Shame page!

Its titled : HOW HE BEAT ME. im not adding a photo bc ur guy is running out of room :(

you have to click on this repeatedly to get anything good out of it, so i took the liberty of milking it for all it had!!! i didnt take screenshots of everything because some of it was redundant, but here are the interesting and or funny bits:

just reiterating, this is not all thats in there, im just putting parts that stood out to me. please take the time to go through all this urself bc its a TREAT.

now into the crazier stuff

hes obviously having some sort of breakdown, just like we see at the end of the book of bill. the last page i decoded myself, and i got this using all the different decoders:

"THROUGH LQS SFSE CN EVERYONE IVE EVER"

for "LQS SFSE CN" i used the original bill cipher code, and im not sure why it gave me this. a smarter, better decoder probably has the answer.

i can theorize a few different things on what this could possibly mean even with it not being all decoded. the one that comes to mind is "I can still see through everyone ive ever met" maybe knowing too much? but without the middle part decoded i cant say much. if you have the solution for this please leave a comment as any help would be greatly appreciated. this all did drop a few hours ago so i doubt many people are working on decoding all this.

UPDATE!! I TRANSLATED IT WRONG.

IT SAYS “THROUGH THE EYES OF EVERYONE IVE EVER”

this makes alot more sense. bill can see through others eyes so it most likely is refering too how he possesses people and sees through their eyes. In the book of bill he shows how angry he is having to watch the Pines family be happy.

It says that when he closes his eye, he can still see through the eyes of everyone hes ever…possesed? probably. So can Bill still see through Ford, or maybe Dipper, and he cant turn it off. Whenever he closes his eyes he is haunted by the happy life he failed to destroy. To see through their eyes.

This poem using gambling as a way to describe Stan's life choices really struck me. the more i thought on it the more it made sense. he gambled that Ford's project would probably still work, gambled with all of his sham products. His entire life has been a betting game. The most interesting thing about all this is the end of the poem. It reads

"IM STILL ON YOUR MIND"

this has been a theory for awhile in the gravity falls community that if stan got back all his memories, including ones about bill, wouldnt bill come back? for me this confirms the theory, and opens up a whole new can of worms which i will talk about later.

I have reached my image and video limit, but expect more posts!

stay weird yall :)

[thecynthh]

a little ink - C.S

summery - y/n is journaling in bed but chris gets bored of his phone and begins to play around with y/n's stationary.

notes - fluff <33333, chris is so boyfriend, i thought the fandom needed more fluff, short

a/n - hey yall, this is an apology gift because ive been bad on being active and writing so enjoy this lil thing i whipped up.

——————————————————————————

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i stationed myself on my side of the large bed with a little tray table on top of my bare legs. my shorts barely covered up to my mid thigh so the vent near me was absolutely chilling. i begin to go slowly when i'm trying to write a title for my next page, i began to journal when my boyfriends brother and my therapist recommended it to me, despite how simple matt’s was, I thought i could take it up a notch and make it a little cutesy. 

my pencil case was jam packed with highlighters, colourful pens and high quality markers, my concentration stays strict on the page in front of me, i tried to keep my penmanship neat while i'm trying to write something in cursive. a warm hand wraps around my ankles as i look down beside me seeing chris look at me with want in his eyes. “hi chris,” i simply say looking at the boy while i put the cap back onto my brush tip marker. 

“hi baby,” he looks up at me with a beaming bright smile, he just radiates good energy and love. he drops his phone beside him now playing a song instead of the various audios from tiktok. 

his hand sneaks up into my pencil case grabbing a yellow marker from it. he uncaps it and i feel the light pressure of it press down onto my skin, the yellow marker glides along my scar, he continues to draw past it to make a star out of the previously hurt skin. chris knew i was self conscious about my scars, it was a permanent reminder of the pain i went through in highschool. 

he didn’t care though. he continued to draw random doodles on my leg, moving on to my arms where more scars lay hurt, he switched out his marker for a different colour the more he explored. little hearts, stars and chris’ signature riddle my legs and arms, i feel his writing getting a bit faster. It looks like a sentence but i couldn’t quite read it.

 i stopped what i was doing a long time ago, now just admiring what he was doing. he was so focused on writing his signature on the larger line of a scar i had on my arm using the line from my body to represent the line through the dollar sign he always made whenever he wrote his name. 

he does a very magnificent heart beside his name, filling it in still trying to be very soft on  my skin as the ink seeps in. he plants a fulfilling kiss onto the scar now covered in orange ink, he looks up at me with a little bit of a knowing look painted on his face. “im sorry, it was only meant to be a little ink but your scars are beautiful, as is the rest of you.” his finger underlines the sentence imprinted on my skin as he reads it out. 

“chris i'm gonna cry oh my gosh. you are so cute, you know that?” i saw trying to hold back a sob. 

a chuckle escapes his smiley lips “i love you so much y/n” his lips make contact with the star that started the rest of the pseudo tattoos. i wish i could keep this image in my head forever, because this was a moment too precious to let go of.

taglist - @westwiing13 @comet235 @mayhem73

[thecherrytarot]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐜 𝐝𝐞𝐛𝐭.

pick a hiromi higuruma to know about your karmic debt.

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!!

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐣𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞:

this pile is confusing me cause one, there are multiple messages and two, im not exactly sure what is the 'debt' that you owe but im seeing more of what is happening to you as a result.

you feel like you have lost all the structure in your well-balanced life due to some sort of authority figure taking control of you and your decisions, you have this feeling of helplessness and you keep thinking that "if i had control i would have achieved so much by now but things aren't aligning and i keep delaying my plans due to XYZ not making better decisions and life choices and i have to suffer the consequences of their actions while they get to live life easily while i settle" or something along the lines of that, (I was getting an even bigger message because i felt like you finally got a chance to communicate) you have bigger plans that you want to achieve and you know there is more to your life than what is in front of you but this feeling of not accomplishing your goals or what if you don't is eating you alive. for some of you, this may be due to you putting "minimal" effort in it and hoping that it everything magically works out but that is not the case sometimes. you let outside influence set you back and lose your will to progress in other areas as well. (i believe that it is okay to "fail" in certain things cause to me rejection is redirection and there is no harm in trying again) the advice here is simple; create and follow your path and put effort in, motivation will help you but only for a few days, what you need is discipline. do not let fear and your negative self-image hold you back from taking the direction that will take you in your desired direction. i don't know why but Santigo's journey from the book Alchemist came to my so if you haven't read that book please read it cause it might help you. learn to be patient with your decisions doesn't matter if they are long-term or short-term because regardless of that, they have consequences (our Karam) and it is important for you to not be impulsive to feel some sort of control over the decisions in your life. find a healthier attitude in your life and watch things change for the better, it is a slow process but it is worth it.

overall, the message is asking you to self-evaluate yourself and see if your actions have led to these consequences and what is that you are not learning. you always have a choice to make and it is a bitter pill to swallow but you can not blame others for it. i keep thinking about this dialogue said by King Baldwin IV, "When you stand before God, you cannot say, "But I was told by others to do this." Or that, "Virtue was not convenient at the time." This will not suffice. Remember that.”

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞:

the message is similar to some parts of pile 1 so if you felt drawn to it, do check it out.

some of you could have been knowingly or unknowingly avoiding the accountability of your actions. life feels unjust and cruel cause of outside forces but remember to maintain balance and stay true to your higher self because the way you will react to these situations is gonna create your karma. im seeing that you will have a chance to fix your negative karma into a more positive one. heal yourself and realize that nothing outside of you has power over you, you are the one who decides how you accept, feel, think and do the things in your life. learn from your lessons and grow through the experience instead of refusing to accept anything. this will set you free. the more you neglect it the bigger it will get. it may feel as if you are trapped but remember that sometimes it is an illusion that we create in our heads out of fear of both, failing (the 'now what will i do?' feeling) and succeeding (the 'then what will i do?' feeling) detachment with the results might help you with this. i keep thinking of this saying in Quaran, "kun faya kun" which means "be, and it is!" life is not simple for anyone and hardships are also a part of our journey. it may feel like it is easy to avoid it and run but for how long will you do that? you have the free will; either to repeat those same mistakes and hold on to the things that are no longer helping you or find something new for yourself. i don't know how to write this in a way that will make sense but the message im getting is that the karmic debt that you owe to the universe is just rising above this and making peace with yourself and your surroundings. put your energy into things that you know will help you instead of being manipulated by outside influence remember that you are your own person before you are anyone to someone else.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭.:

this pile feels a little heavy cause this includes past life karma (for some it could also be generational) and im pretty sure many of you are already seeing or sensing a pattern of past mistakes happening again and again and you feel like regardless of what you will do the outcome will be the same. the message here is that it is not entirely true but rather an illusion that you have created. you have your free will to continue it or change it. it is a slow and long process with lots of ups and downs as it is a cycle of multiple lives and not something that can fixed magically overnight. taking the shorter and easier route won't help you. it is important to heal, connect with yourself and trust your instincts. you may feel like the outside guidance is confusing you more rather than giving you clarity. the answer to this is simple; it is within you, catered to you since it is YOUR life and YOUR karma. you are becoming aware of the things that make you feel so restricted and some are even working on limiting the control others have on you, for others, the motivation is rising (if not use this as a sign) learn from the previous mistakes and avoid them. cause you do have a big purpose in your current life regarding this karmic cycle and you are being called out to make the necessary decisions to bring the change. You are not being punished for your past or someone else's mistakes, you are meant to learn a few life lessons to grow. for some reason, i felt picking out separate cards as a guidance message for this pile; your self-doubt is creating an illusion in you and you are letting it win. things get hard now and then but we shouldn't give in to our negative energy and insecurities. show determination and willpower, there is a strong desire in you to succeed and you need to execute it and it will be yours.

thank you so much for reading !!!

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Butterfly IV

a/n I hope y'all are still enjoying this! Do let me know if you want me to continue to write this or should we have one more lovely chapter to end this with.

summary: When Joel thinks that his life is over his little butterfly sends him a new reason to stay alive. The only problem is that he doesn't know how to love but when you are the meaning of love itself how can he not fall.

Previous chapters are on my blog cause tumblr ain't letting me add links.

warnings: mention of past trauma, forced starvation, fainting spells.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Your eyes snapped open in a frantic attempt to search for the body that was laying pressed right beside you all night long. Ellie wasn't there. You sat up quickly, your hand instantly coming to hold your head as a wave of pain shot through it. The sleep seemed restless at best. You tried to first fall asleep in the bed you and Joel shared, but the sheer size of the emptiness that surrounded you only made your heart hurt more. So you made your way to Ellie, wrapping your hands around her as you focused your mind on her presence.

Yet your dreams were still filled with images of Joel. Of the times you two were utterly, truly, fully emotionally naked in front of one another, when the knives you two held for self-defense were long forgotten. Pushed to the side. And you two just were. Fingers laced together as you started at one another. No words were needed at moments like that. Eyes said it all. Truly the window to one's soul.

If only loving and staying true to yourself was that easy. Writing it all off as the consequence of the outbreak felt lame after twenty-plus years. Surely by now, people would have adapted. Moved on from the past. Well, if not moved on, at least make peace with it. You hated the fact that all you wanted to do now was cuddle closer to Joel, hiding your face from the morning sun in the crook of his neck just like most mornings. He had been your shelter. He still was. Nothing besides death could truly keep you apart. If that scared you, it sure as fuck scared him. With that, you fell back onto the bed. Eyes staring at the ceiling.

"So what is this?", Ellie had slipped out of bed to the sound of Joel walking downstairs. The sight of you asleep, even if your eyebrows were slightly crunched up, made Ellie choose against waking you up. So she made the best of the situation and followed Joel. Now, about an hour later, she was inspecting the car that was supposed to take you to three places. Joel looked up from the side of the garage, "A wing mirror." Ellie looked around, "Where's the wing?" She questioned, truly invested in breaking down every part of the spaceship in front of her. "Have you never seen a car before?", Joel asked, and Ellie quickly shook her head.

Joel was not expecting Ellie to follow him out to the garage. When he heard someone stepping in, he hoped it was you. He needed to clear the water. The tension and the lack of your presence in the past 24 hours had been torture for him. "Sorry for pointing a knife at you," Ellie had first croaked out, and Joel had shifted in his seat. He cared for the girl. Even if he was constantly telling himself that he didn't. He had started to care for her the moment he bashed her into a wall. Joel wasn't expecting to do that to a kid. He could have given her a concussion.

"You defended Y/N; good to know you have some serious balls," Joel said, turning away from Ellie as he looked over the wall of guns. Ellie snickered, "You said balls", "You're a kid if it still makes you laugh", Ellie went into a defensive monologue after that. Trying to prove Joel wrong, but his face stayed blank. She offered to help him do whatever Joel was doing, but that mostly resulted in her getting star-struck by the car as she circled it.

"You want to sit in it?", Ellie's eyes grew big at that suggestion, a light smile tugging at her lips. "Get in then", Joel stood up to approach her. The worrier inside was afraid that if he was too far away and Ellie somehow got the car started, he wouldn't be fast enough to stop it. He watched as Ellie looked around the inside. Fingers grazing over different buttons, "Don't press anything", Joel said firmly, yet deep down he was enjoying seeing her like this.

"Dude, it's a spaceship," Ellie said as her hands clasped the steering wheel. Until she moved to turn it slightly, at which point it yielded to her motion. Ellie's hands instantly came off the wheel as it did, eyes snapping to Joel. "If you'll let go of it like that in the middle of the road, you will be dead", Ellie could swear she heard a light snort before Joel said it. Her eyes fell to the side mirror, catching a figure in it. She turned behind her but was met with the seat instead of the view of the garage. Quickly leaving out of the door, she turned to look back again. "Look, I'm in the car wroom, wroom," Ellie chirped happily.

Joel turned to the side as well. He met your gaze as you stood there leaning onto the door frame, hands crossed over your chest. For the first time, Joel found it hard to read your face. He couldn't make out if it was anger or just pure nothingness that lingered in your features. Was this how you felt looking at him? When he had one of his masks on. Or have you learned to read through them as well?

"Looks like you two have been busy," you said, taking a step closer. Joel debated whether he should speak up. More importantly, he didn't know if he could take being ignored by you. "Morning," you muttered to him as you passed, strolling closer to Ellie. A breath got caught in Joel's throat, and all he managed to do was nod his head your way.

"Missy, your things are still unpacked. If we want to leave today you better get going", you pointed your finger Ellie's way, and she copied your actions. Pressing her finger against yours. "Are we leaving today, though?" Ellie questioned, turning to Joel. "Yes, it's best if we do that and as soon as possible", Ellie hopped out of the car before embracing you in the side hug. Head resting right below your chest. You ran your hands up and down her side as you smiled down at her.

You couldn't and didn't blame her for making up with Joel. She probably needed him more than she needed you. And they had been secretly wanting to grow closer. Just instead, they constantly stepped on each other's toes. You moved to drag her with you. Her hands did not leave your torso as you pulled her through the garage. Ellie's laughter echoed throughout the place. "Could we possibly talk?", Joel's fingers skimmed over your skin, making you stop in your tracks. Ellie quickly looked between the two of you before muttering something about how she preferred to pack alone anyway as she stepped out of the garage.

You only stood there. Keeping your gaze fixed on the man in front of you. A male with whom you had been through a lot of shit. You two always made it. No matter how darn hard it was. You always clawed through. You could see it in Joel's eyes that this whole tension was suffocating him as much as it was suffocating you. "I didn't…I," Joel stuttered, quickly running his fingers through his beard, "I overstepped a line." You let out a bitter laugh, eyes coming up to look at him. "Ain't the first time, now that we think about it, huh", you wanted to be sweet and let him off. But you had done that for too long. Joel's jaw clenched, yet he didn't say anything in return.

"I'm trying to see eye to eye with you," "Joel, come on, your eye to eye seems backward", you pulled out a chair for yourself, sitting right in front of him. Joel's arms came to rest over his knees as he looked at the floor. "Well, forgive me that I want this. I want calmness, a touch of normality. I'm tired of running," you rasped. You knew those things you both envisioned differently. Or, more accurately, Joel had never discussed his vision for the future. If he even saw one. Sometimes his carelessness led him on suicide missions. Once again proving to you that he didn't want to live. And there was only so much you could do for a drowning man.

Joel shook his head, "Don't you apologize, I don't blame you for it", you let out a sigh, fingers twisting the strand of the hair between them as you contemplated the next step. "You can be angry all you want, but all I ask of you is human decency. You can want the whole world to get fucked because of what happened, because of the things that got taken from you, but there is a line in Joel". He opened his mouth to speak up, but you quickly lifted your hand. "I'm not asking you to become a ray of sunshine. In all honesty, that wouldn't suit you", you reached for his hand, and to Joel, it felt surreal to once again feel the warmth of your skin. He felt like an addict. Who through the years had formed a serious dependence on you. "Just try to be more human. Emotions are a natural thing, you know", you whispered the last part. Your eyes glossed over with tears once again. Joel pulled you closer by the hand. Instantly wrapping you up in his embrace. Finally being able to breathe. Finally being able to think. You were here. You were with him. You two were going to make it through. Yet the hug didn't last long as you pushed against his chest and stepped away from Joel.

"I'm not ready to forgive you." Those words cut deeper than Joel could have imagined. But he nodded his head anyway. "It'll take more than one nice conversation with Ellie," "I know. I�� I will try", Joel spoke out with not that much confidence but he was willing to. Mostly for you. But he was willing to. You nodded. Just like the evening on the terrace, your fingers grazed over his chest as you stood to leave. "Meet you down here in twenty?", you asked softly. Joel's hand moved up to catch your palm, letting his fingers linger on your skin just a little longer. "Okay," he rasped out as you walked out.

Your hand was pushed out through the open window as you drove through the empty highway. The breeze was nice and cool. Ellie was passed out in the front seat. Like a true kid after too many stimulations. Joel barely allowed you to drive. Most of your attempts were met with him saying that you needed to rest or that he wasn't as tired yet, so after a while, you dropped your attempts. The last couple of days felt repetitive. Stops at every potential gas station or by any left-out car in the open. Sleeping somewhere deep down in the woods or further down the main road. Then repeat. Repeat. And repeat.

Ellie had slipped into the abandoned station as you and Joel walked around the cars checking for petrol. You stumbled slightly, bracing yourself against the broken-down car. Black dots start to cloud your vision. You let out a sharp breath. "Not now," you whispered under your breath as you slowly lowered yourself to the ground.

Your food supply was good, but knowing your overthinking brain, you had opted for lowering your portions and making sure that the two of them ate more instead. In situations like that, you were familiar with Joel and his habits. Bad habits. Habits of not sleeping. So if his body wasn't getting sleep, he at least needed to make up for it with food. And Ellie was always hungry. Like a true little puppy. As long as there was food in front of her, no one was going to stop her from eating.

You heard Joel's voice, "Y/N." Cursing under your breath, you tried to get back up but failed miserably. Hands slip down the side of the car as your bum hit the ground. "Love," Joel put the fuel tank down as he walked towards you, "You okay?" You nodded your head. Nonetheless, your eyes rolled to the back of your head, as your consciousness started to slip. The ringing in your ears became increasingly loud. It seemed like there was just not enough oxygen left in the air.

"Did you fucking eat today?", Joel was kneeling right in front of you now. He cupped your cheek with his hand as he snapped his fingers in front of you, trying to keep you alert. "Ellie!", Joel shouts, turning back. Ellie quickly turned her head towards the two of you. The sight of you on the ground forewarned her instantly. "Fucking fuck", your head limped into Joel's palm as he held you up from falling over. "Hand me your jacket", Joel reaches for Ellie, and she quickly shrugged it off her shoulders. Worried eyes watching Joel. He carefully lowered you to the ground so you would be lying on your back before moving to lift your legs slightly, rubbing his palms alongside your thighs, "Come on, now love, come on".

You had your fair share of fainting spells when you two had just met. You were severely underweight then. The fuckers who had you under their control had run you down to the last drop. Joel had visited them after he got you to a somewhat stable state. That was the moment he realized he was ready to burn down the world for you. QZ was painfully quick to realize that you were Miller's girl. And sure as hell, only brainless people dared to cross your path after that.

"Joel," Ellie's worried voice jolted Joel out of his reverie. Making him remember the first time he saw this happening. Genuinely thinking the worse. "It's okay. She just fainted. The front pocket of my bag, grab a packet or two", he had never seen Ellie move so quickly before. She took off like a bullet, coming back with handfuls of tiny glucose packets that Joel always carries with him. "Hold this up", he motioned for Ellie to replace him by your legs. Joel quickly opened the packet, pouring some of it into his fingers. Ellie frowned as she watched Joel rub the white powder on the inside of your cheek before his fingers moved to rest over your pulse points. "Joel…", she whispered again. Ellie had never seen people faint. It looked too close to death for her liking, and you couldn't die. Not now. Not ever.

Joel only got to glance at Ellie as your eyes twitched, and you started to blink frantically. "Here you are, here you are, easy", Joel's fingers ran down the side of your face as he looked at you. "You didn't eat," he said firmly, "You two needed to eat", you rasped out. Hating the bright sun that found its way into your eyes despite Joel's shadow. "Y/N," Joel said in a warning tone, yet you were quick to copy him, "Joel."

"Should have told me at least", now came in a worried tone. It always slipped out. "Our communication is complicated at the moment," you sassed back as, he slowly helped you sit up. "It's not funny", "Who's laughing?", Joel only rolled his eyes. He was glad you were okay. That's all that matters now. He reached for the water that Ellie must have brought with her, handing it to you, "Drink this, and then we'll try to stand up." You downed the water as if you hadn't drunk in days. Your body still felt strange, but that little rush of sweetness seemed to have been enough to kickstart your system.

"Y/N," your gaze shifted to the side, where a concerned Ellie stood. You reached your hand towards her, and she was quick to sink next to you. "I'm a fine baby," you muttered, kissing the side of her head. "You should have listened to Joel," you snorted, "Oh, nice, you two are now ganging up," making Ellie giggle as well. "But he does know best. Sometimes…," you raised your eyes to Joel, giving him a small smile that he returned.

"Okay, let's get going", Joel helped Ellie up as she picked up the fuel tank that was closest to her. Joel's arms sneaked under your legs, "I can walk", you fought back as he carefully lifted you up, "Yeah, and I can carry you", in any other way, you would have argued back, but you still didn't have it in you to do so. So you let him. Wrapping your arms around Joel's neck, you cling closer to him. Joel hoped the walk to the car would have lasted forever. He missed your touch. Even if you were in speaking condition, it was clear that you had drawn a line. You were just business partners now. The affection you two once shared was nowhere to be found.

You were sat by Joel now. Ellie said she wanted to sleep in the back, but you knew the real reason, and so did Ellie. Joel still wanted to keep an eye on you. It was quiet for some time until Ellie pulled something out of her back. The ruffling of pages caught your attention, making you turn around to look at her. "There's not much reading here, but the pictures are quite something," she said, as Joel's eyes looked up to the rearview mirror.

His eyes grew big as he turned to her, "Throw that away now", his voice had a warning tone but the sense of panic was way more visible. "No way, dude, I want to see what the fuss is about!", Ellie shifted the magazine in her hands, flipping through the pages, "How do you walk with that thing between your legs?", "Let me see", you curved towards her, and Ellie was quiet to turn the picture to you. "Y/N, don't encourage it", Joel growled from beside you, but you only let out a laugh, "Oh, this is average. I've seen bigger and better".

You clapped Joel's lap a couple of times as you turned back around. A smirk spread over your face as you bit your lip, trying hard not to laugh. Joel shook his head in disbelief before glaring at you, "I will throw you both out of the car." You lifted your hands defensively, "Only speaking facts." A gasp left Ellie's mouth once she finally clocked in on your words, "Oh gross, you've seen his… no, don't answer that", she pulled a disgusted face as she lead closer to the window to get rid of the magazine. "Seen? Girl, I've…", "No!", Ellie clapped her hands over her ears and hummed a loud melody to herself to muffle the noise. You let out a laugh. Eyes meeting Joel's as he turned to you breathily, shaking his head, "You are losing it", you let out another giggle, "For you? Always".

The camp for the night was set, and Ellie was already fast asleep. Clenching your hand in hers. You looked at the ever-so-slowly approaching darkness. How it slowly seeped through the trees. The suspense of what was still ahead of you was unsettling. Were you doing the right thing? What if you were willingly bringing Ellie into even more danger? What if you didn't even make it? What was Joel thinking? Was he thinking of you?

You felt someone nudging your shoulder, and moments later Joel slipped to sit right beside you. You two seemed okay the past couple of days. But were you? "You're thinking loudly again," Joel said, handing you another cup. You couldn't help but roll your eyes. He kept a close watch on you tonight during dinner. Joel knew you hated when he counted your bites, but it was for precaution. There wasn't much medication on hand. If your conditions were to go bad again. Well, Joel would have gained a whole head of white hair trying to find the right medication and help for you.

"You know I will be pissing all night if you'll keep this up", you growled, only making Joel smile a little, "I see plenty of bushes that could be utilized," he said and you hit his chest playfully. "How are you feeling?" Joel asked you, bringing his own cup closer to his lips. "About us or in general?", your words took Joel by surprise. Of course, first and foremost, he was referring to your health. That was the most important thing in Joel's eyes now. "I want to give you space. I don't want you rushing into a relationship, especially when I'm like this," Joel blurred out, hands gripping the cup tightly. "Well, it's ten years too late, Joel," you said, moving to rest your head on his shoulders.

"You should give up on me," Joel said, the darkness making it easier for him to speak. He felt like he could almost hide behind it. Like it somehow shielded his fears, "Here you are wrong. Plus, we made a promise to each other." You lifted your left hand. The hand with the butterflies. The hand Joel had slipped a makeshift ring on a couple of years into your being together. He had sat down every night for over a week, trying to make a ring for you out of all the little things he found around the place. Joel had no idea why, but he had to do it.

"We had a little too much to drink and…", "Excuses, excuses. Unless you want me to take it off," you said, lifting the hand that was playing with Ellie's hair and moving it toward the ring as Joel caught both of your hands in his. "You promised to never take it off," Joel said firmly, "And I ain't planning to. That should be an answer in itself." Your hand reached for the side of Joel's face as you once again rested your hand on his shoulder. He gently kissed your palm before kissing the side of your head. Watching over the dark forest in front of him. That's why a man like you and I are here.

[cows-wearing-my-sweater]

nothing wrong with a little self-indulgence

word count: 851 warnings: none !! this is pure fluff notes: shorter post for tonight :) ive had this written for awhile and it's up on my ao3 but i wanted to put it here as well,

Sun shines down on you through the tall bedroom window, gently warming your shoulders. Though the beams feel nice, they’re unwelcome. Barely able to open your eyes in the battle against falling back asleep, you struggle to pull the comforter further up in order to shield yourself from the responsibilities of the morning. Your shifting in bed causes a groan from beside you.

“Don’t tell me you want to get up early today, darling,” Matty whines, eyes still closed. “I was just having the most wonderful dream about my beautiful girlfriend.”

You manage to blink your eyes fully open at this, catching sight of the sly smile on Matty’s face. You push yourself a little closer to him and nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck. “I would rather stay here, but…”

“No ‘but’s.” Matty wraps his arm tightly around you, replacing the warmth of the sun that had been on your back with the heat of his own body. You’re pressed against his chest now, just as he knows you like to be. You take in the feeling of his chest rising and falling gently, the familiar rhythm of his heartbeat. The idea of getting out of bed and getting on with the day feels like a lost cause now.

Matty tilts his head down to press a soft kiss to the top of your head. His lips linger there, allowing himself to take in everything about you; the softness of your hair, the way you smell, the way your legs are tangled with his. 

There’s silence for a while, save for the sound of each of you breathing. You’ve fallen in sync with Matty; inhale, hold for a beat, exhale. You move in unison, two halves of one whole. You’re not sure if Matty is still awake at this point. His grip keeping you close to him has loosened slightly, and you take the opportunity to pull back from him ever so slowly as not to disturb his rest. You do this so you can properly admire him in his vulnerable state. You want to envelop his soul in calm and quiet, protect him in the bubble of peace he rests in now.

Your eyes begin to wander all around him, trying to capture every single detail as it is. The corners of his mouth are pointed upwards in an almost imperceptible smile. His lips are parted so slightly; you’ve kissed those soft lips countless times, yet your craving for them never ceases. A few stray, messy curls lie haphazardly on his forehead. His chest is bare, almost beckoning for you to come back to your place against it. And you do. You bring yourself back to his warmth, and when you close your eyes you attempt to burn the image of a sleeping Matty into your mind, keeping it somewhere tucked away and safe.

For the next hour or so, you fall in and out of sleep, yet each time you wake you’re never out of arm’s reach from Matty. His fingers brush against your arm while he sleeps. You mimic his movements, bringing your fingertips to the tattoos littering his arms, tracing the designs. His skin is soft. It’s familiar.

 Finally, Matty begins to stir once more. His eyes flutter open and immediately land on you. He follows your gaze out the window; the sun has now undeniably risen. You can’t kick the notion that a responsible adult would have started their day long before now, and Matty seems to sense this within you.

He sighs gently before saying, “We can put off work for today, my love. I know how stressed you’ve been. You can’t hide that from me.” You don’t say anything in response, so he adds, “Let me take care of you today.”

You prop yourself up in bed and look at him. “I have so much to get done, Matty,” you groan and rub your temples.

Matty sits up next to you. He frowns and intertwines his fingers with yours. “You’ve earned this day off, [Y/N]. We can take it slow today. I’ll run you a bath, I’ll take care of all the cooking. You won’t lift a finger today.”

You sink back into the pillows. Matty pulls you to him again, fingers running through your hair. His hands wander down to your neck and shoulders, gently massaging. You sigh happily.

“Just lay here with me,” he whispers.

You concede to this, knowing Matty would never change his mind. And you’re happy to comply. This is safety. This is comfort. Matty presses a kiss to the back of your neck, then turns you so he can leave his mark on your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your jaw. His kisses are lazy as he reaches your lips. You can feel him smile against you. You can tell as he pulls away from you that he wants to deepen the kiss, to grace your neck with his lips, but he decides not to. That could be saved for another day. Today he holds you, and that’s enough. It always has been.

[nevraeldarya]

So I know this is random, but I just I realized that Jason is a Pokémon Rival!

My Evidence to this is:

They just declared rivalry with the strongest person in the room/town

their declared rival is someone who, at best doesn't care about them or at worst sees them as a nuisance

Everytime they challenge them, they think they are better than their rival, but get beaten really easily (ie. jason getting tired from the storm but rhea isnt)

They think they are (or at least one of) the best trainer/demigod of their generation

They try to prove themselves at random times (ie. Jason getting annoyed at rhea correcting his stance)

Thats all ive got so far 😅. Also, Just to be clear, I'm not hating how you wrote Jason, I actually love how you wrote him. I just find him funny and pathetic in a 'wet cat' sorta way. Like, everything he does just makes me go 'OK sweetie' in a condescending way, like a parent would when a kid says something😅

I wanted to give Jason more depth, because, honestly, he felt a bit too flat in the original story. He’s always been portrayed as the golden boy, the natural-born leader, the son of Jupiter—so much of his identity is tied to that. His whole life at Camp Jupiter, people told him he was meant to lead, to be the one everyone looked up to. That’s all he’s ever known.

Jason Grace’s character has always revolved around being a leader—it's not just what he does; it's WHO he is.

At Camp Jupiter, he was the son of Jupiter, the chosen one of the Romans, and everyone’s expectations reinforced this image. His identity was built on the idea that he was born to lead, and for as long as he can remember, being the person others relied on gave him purpose. It wasn’t just a role to him, it was the very core of his EXISTENCE . Every decision, every mission, every victory was a reminder that leadership was his path, his destiny.

So, when someone like Rhea steps in and naturally takes over the role that he’s supposed to fill, it messes with him. Suddenly, he doesn’t know what to do. It’s like his entire purpose, the one thing that gave his life meaning, is GONE !

Jason feeling exposed. Where he had always been told he was the best—strong, capable, and destined for greatness—Rhea simply embodied those traits without effort. She was a better leader, more confident, more effective, and it gnawed at him. His sense of self, once so certain, began to crumble. If he wasn't the leader, if he wasn’t the person everyone turned to, then what was he? What else was there? WHO IS HE ??

This isn't just a blow to his ego—it's a deep, existential crisis. Jason doesn’t know how to be anything else.

The angst comes from this deeply rooted fear that, without being a leader, he has no purpose NO worth. He can’t see a future where he’s anything other than what everyone has always expected of him.

He can’t imagine a life where he isn’t the one people look up to, and now, with Rhea taking that position, he’s left questioning his worth.

What is he supposed to do if not lead ? What is he supposed to be ?

It’s a question that consumes him, leaving him feeling hollow and lost, as if his entire existence has been shattered by this one, undeniable truth—he’s not irreplaceable.

In a way, Jason's inner turmoil mirrors Rhea’s. Just as she can’t see a future beyond following in Percy’s footsteps and then fading away.

Jason can’t see a future where he isn’t defined by the role others have imposed on him.

It's not just about being a rival to Rhea; it's about the existential crisis of losing his identity, his place in the world. And that’s what makes his struggle so heartbreaking—it’s not just about competition; it’s about losing the only thing he’s ever known.

He is scared of being abandonned by the people he swore to look after once he loses the position and title of Leader.

[abimee]

was trying to write a post but it just wasnt coming out how i liked it or conveying what i was thinking about the jist of it was that i was thinking about how i used my art as my only tool in isolation to think about things that people tried to teach me was ''wrong'' like being trans or having acne but of which i never understood why it was ''wrong'' as a kid, so i ran off to my secluded corner to draw up what i was thinking about and how i really struggled wanting to show what i was seeing because there was no tutorial or online tips or refferences on how to do things, i didnt have any icons i was looking up to because they were isolated and hidden from me for the exact same reason, so for a long time my art felt like it was me trying to ''call out'' into the darkness to an idea i could just barely see on the horizon but couldnt get to through the murky depths of isolation and being told that art has to be a certain way and people need to look a certain way in it

to finally getting to a point where i seemingly managed to grasp that idea and shine a light onto it and have the depths disappear and everyones voices fade out until all i could see was the image clear in my head, and i was able to draw what i wanted because i finally ''understood it'' --- and this is about a lot of things in my art, like discovering i was trans or letting go of my fear of having self harm scars or acne scars or gaining weight, or even just random bullshit like having red cheeks or crooked teeth or weird looking knees. like i grew up rooted in so much self hatred and around people who were so mean and judgemental and i felt like i couldnt even fit myself into the little box of expectation placed before me and my friends that even when i ran away to my art i felt like i was trapped by the will of the world around me with nowhere to go and no way to communicate my sadness, because above all else i really do think all i wanted when i was younger was for people to be happy and to be happy myself, but i felt like i was being strangled by the thoughts and ideals of those around me to even the smallest degree, like a passing judgemental remark about someones self harm scars or crooked teeth

so now that i can draw that and communicate a positive love for people, that everyone is amazing and that nobody is ''wrong'', that love ive had since i was a kid for the world around me and everyone i met, it feels really good!! i cannot explain how much it means to me that people let me draw this way and respond psoitively to it and are moved by it because it feels like ive been locked in a box all my life not knowing what to do or what i was thinking about, and someone finally opened up the box and let me out and showed me what it all means. does that make sense? i feel like my art was a gateway to recognizing my own identity and who i am and to tell me that its not Wrong to be a certain way, that the people i was raised around were not telling the truth, that i wasnt a failure or doing something wrong when my teeth yellowed beyond my control or acne started showing up on my skin, that it wasnt wrong to have mobility aids or be suicidal or gain weight

like when i look back at my old art i see younger me who was struggling with a lot and just wanting to understand what it all meant, and as i grew up and put my art out there i was shown that the world wasnt a mean and cruel place, that it didnt have to be, and it really allowed me to open up and draw more. this post makes about as much sense as my draft but i just wanted to say all of this to say THANK YOU to everyone who has supported me because it really does mean more than you will ever know in so many ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if youve been here for a while you may have even seen how much happier i am now and how my art has developed as i got happier and its all because i know now that the world doesnt have to be cruel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you !!!!!! (^ old art i drew as a 15 year old as a thsank you)

[artnerd1123]

YESSSS DICE QUESTIONS TIME <3

okay so question 1 - for all dice; do they have a favorite dessert/sweet-adjacent food (ex. fruit!)?

question 2 - beast specific; ive been seeing you reblog a lot of werewolf related things and tagging it was beast, which makes me wonder what her favorite time of day is? :0

WEEEEEEEE DICE TIME!!!!!!!!!!

For 1, absolutely they do!!! Let’s get us a bullet list so I don’t make this post 5378204882 miles long rambling :wheeze:

Warrior: honestly he loves any sweet ever. But nothing beats his momma’s homemade brownies <3

Thief: he is one picky mfer, there’s def some hyper specific dessert type dish he loves and only eats one specific way. Something with lemon meringue on it perhaps, since it’s very difficult to get that just right. Or macarons! Also very hard to make. Tbh the culinary/bakery skill payoff is honestly more of a reward than the sweetness for him :]

Robot: they’re not huge on sweets, but there’s never a bad time for a nice big bar of dark chocolate :3 they LOVE fruits tho, they make snacks of them regularly! Pre dungeons they were particularly fond of apples. Post dungeons they reach for pears.

Inventor: she’d live off chocolate milk if she could HDJJDK, honestly she’d love to make a monstrous ice cream sundae!!! Or whatever tf u wanna call the spaghetti sugar gingerbread sprinkles candy befuckery dish they make from the movie elf. She’d eat that gladly

Witch: she is a SUCKER for shakes!!! Cake too! Many cute things to decorate em with, and many cute designs of cakes to make! She likes strawberry flavors the best :>

Beast: now this one is a bit tricky… she hasn’t gotten to try a lot of different desserts… maybe chocolate ice cream nd cookie and/or brownie batter cuz those r my favorites!!! Or just lucky charms. I know those don’t technically count but the image of her absolutely RABIDLY fucking up a box of cereal is too funny not to share HDJJKS

Jester: Baja blast /jjjjj ok but fr they LOVE liquorice and really spicy/sour candy. The stronger the flavor the better!!!

For 2!!! Beast is just very werewolfcore to me :wheeze: comes with the territory of being a self indulgent insert of sorts of mine >:3

Her favorite time of day would be dawn/dusk, though. Peaceful. Everything is either waking up or going to bed. The sun makes the sky pretty colors. The air tastes different, but good. She could choose to go back to bed or get up and start doing whatever she wants to do. But mostly? She can just sit nd Enjoy The Moment :]

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can I get Centipedes x Ragatha? (it’s a joke)

Ragatha and centipedes

jokes on you im going to entertain this because im feeling a little silly. going to be all over the place since its just a bunch of random stuff tying in with the general centipede idea future admin here VV did not think i would need to put a cw on this but this genuinely made me feel bluuuuuugh and yucky so uh. CW on talk about bugs and vague talk of infestations because the admin tried to make a hc on why ragatha is scared of centipedes in particular (admin realizes their phobia of bugs is worse than they thought by the end of writing it they just thought they had arachnophobia LMAO) not even going to bother to tag this

i think its centipedes specifically that ragatha doesnt like. shes okay with spiders, shes fine with flies, hell shes okay witih silverfish (which arguably are just as gross if not grosser than centipedes). its something about centipedes in specific she hates. maybe its the legs. its gotta be the legs

or maybe theres something else? honestly i can see her getting her little fear of the things from a prank by jax gone terribly wrong, or perhaps even an in house adventure

or maybe she experienced something with them in her real life that, despite her losing her memories, she fears the bug down to her very core. something that shook her so deeply, engraining itself into her psyche, enough to carry on even after losing everything that once made her her when she put on the headset

okay jokes aside, originally i was going to go on a tangent about how that maybe her fear came from a really bad IHA.. but now that i think about it, the idea of her going through something in her real life makes more sense. plus as much as i write about jax putting centipedes in her room i dont think he actually did... but what i have cooking in my brain far exceeds the cruelty jax would dare dish out

i dont know about you but infestations can quickly instill a fear in you. i would know personally because when i was younger roaches and silverfish were common in my house hold, especially during wetter times of the year. also crickets. and woop the admin hates all three of those bugs, deeply. can you imagine going into the bathroom as a small child, only to get up and see a roach as big as your hand just chilling in the toilet bowl. do you know what that does to a person

cue that one post where op said they were taking a dump and they poked a weird spot on their wall only to watch in horror as a hoard of silverfish started spilling out of it

genuine fear of mine i hate silverfish kid me used to avoid the bathroom because of them

so anyways with the power of my self projection, im going to apply the same idea to ragatha. maybe she lived somewhere where centipedes were common. sure they might not have been the huge gnarly ones that we all think of when we hear about these things, but i think even the smaller ones would do her in after enough time. could be a large amount of house centipedes but as stated above, it would probably drive you insane after you see enough of them for long enough

shrugs

okay psychological torment aside i dont think theres really any curing her fear if we're following this hc, like maybe you can help her build a tolerance to having them around but to actually get rid of it fully? yeah no thats going to take a lot more than you can give her in the digital circus

will NOT pick up a centipede you try to get her to hold, you could have the best intensions and it can be the cutest one ever in existence

i was going to add a lot more to this post and make this comically long but my skin is crawling (pun intended) at the images ive just put into my head. genuinely feel yucky inside

[soullessjack]

Happy Friday! Discuss a fun trait of Jack’s, maybe his smoldering hubris during AU earth war? -shal

hi shal!!!!!!! 😙😙😙😙😙😙 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

so i think it’s very interesting how jack has that angelic trademark tendency for hubris in spite of their humanness canonically being the “dominant gene,” or so to speak, because despite having that tendency for hubris, jack still isn’t downright egotistical like chuck or lucifer or anyone else on that side of the family. he’s just overly confident sometimes.

ive found that a lot of his hubris tends to be expressed the most in situations where he’s trying to fulfill a certain role or purpose or gain acceptance/validation from other people; trying to be a protective leader in Apocalypse World, showing the sheriff how he can tamper with the vending machines, teaching the Lebanon Kids how to throw angel blades, etc.

He loves to show off and impress people, and positive feedback pretty much reinforces a positive self image for him, because jack basically throws his entire identity into what he’s most useful for in the current situation, and once he’s made up his mind about a plan to enact for that purpose, he won’t let anyone stop him—even if it’s his own friends or family.

I’ve already said it, but hear it again anyways. Jack is entirely fully aware of his powers and threat level. They’ve been aware of it since the moment with Sam in the motel alley where he tells them “We need to protect you, but we might also need to protect other people from you.” It’s an extremely clashing and confusing dichotomy to stick an even more confused teenager into, because now Jack has to balance out being useful with being safe, too. He has to balance the idea that while he isn’t inherently evil, he’s still extremely potentially harmful to the world around him (which is an additionally confusing idea to balance bc Jack has only ever felt a genuine curiosity about the world more than anything).

I think the core difference between Jack’s hubris and the hubris of other celestial beings is that Jack is more human than they are, both biologically and socially. Jack knows the incredible power and danger he poses, and even further down he knows it comes from an inherently evil place, but their determination to make the best out of the absolute worst drives them to use that potential for good; for protection, for defense, for healing, etc.

He places immense value on a plethora of human things (“I’m getting that life isn’t about all these big things / it’s time together that matters” ) due to Kelly’s initial influence, and then TFW’s later on. So unlike Chuck and Lucifer and Michael and the other cosmic Kardashians, who see no value in humanity altogether (or in Chuck’s case, see no value when it can’t be attributed to themselves), Jack places all of the value of his powers on how much he can protect all of the things/people he’s come to value and love, which then falls in line to how his hubris is driven.

This post is getting too long but as a final tack on, it also helps that the cosmic family’s displays of power and confidence are to invoke fear, respect and blind loyalty, whereas Jack’s is to invoke acceptance, trust and prove his worth

:3

[official-darkforest]

Hey, I was looking through some of your older comments. Did you ever try to speak with Maltose during the entire ordeal?

ok this has been sitting here for a few weeks bcuz i didn't think it was worth answering, but i only just now found there was an update to that whole situation so I'm sorry it took me a while to say anything

i will admit i have not spoken to her personally, and for good reason at the time - i did not want to directly involve myself with someone i thought was a zoophile and thought the evidence provided at the time was substantial enough. i was only really trying to spread the word and moved on when things died down because i did not know her personally and it was already getting a little stressful to keep talking abt it due to my own experiences with weird people in that vein.

i also dont recall if i was aware of how old she was when she posted some of those images but that could just be poor memory given how long ago it was when the accusations happened. i will note i didn't really have much of a problem with the self-shipping with her own oc, though, even if i wasn't that keen on the age difference (if I'm remembering it correctly, anyways), i was more concerned about feral nsfw

i doubt she even knows i exist or that i will ever get into contact with her personally but i still want to apologize for spreading misinformation about her, even if i didn't realize it wasn't true or missing so much context. she was abused and groomed and that's where the inappropriate drawings even came from, which now puts things into a clearer perspective.

below is her doc on that situation, as well as other past trauma she's chosen to share. i will be deleting everything i can find relating to the false accusations on my blog. once again, i am sorry i did not try to get her side of the story and that i jumped on it so fast

edit: ive left an apology on her video where she included the doc as well

[credulouscanidae]

ive been wanting to disappear into nothingness for so long now, that it feels foreign that i actually have. excitement? i get a haircut tomorrow, and my eyebrows dyed. i cant immediately fix the weight ive packed on but i can at least. idk. change features that make me dysphoric.

i havent been sure on how to get better or even get to a point where i believe thats possible.

but theres clearly that little inkling there, and it's figured out that it's a good idea to start with self image, and putting more effort into hygiene and feeling good in the clothes i wear.

it's the only place i can think to start. to get better.

i can. try to make irl friends. but i need to not look like pre-transition me first.

ironically it's whats keeping me from leaving this world; my heart does not match the ugliness on the outside anymore. and i cringe at the idea of my vessel being left in its current state.

there will always be a choice between life and death, there will always be that fork in the road. its something ive had to tell myself for years. if i am alive, i might as well do my best to live.

i have to trust i will pull through.

i will wake up. i will see another day. as i have done for the past 27 years. every bad thing thats ever happened to me has been something ive survived. even when i thought i wouldnt.

recovery is one weak step at a time.

i have to trust i will pull through.

[seamsterslocal]

PINNED POST

who am i?

someone who’s been sewing since being voluntold into the puppet factory at age 7. (yes i did grow up in a circus.) a legal adult for decades now but immature enough to get away with calling myself a boy until i die. trans man who dresses like an off duty drag queen. undiagnosed autistic with sensory intolerance for synthetic fibers. proud of my weight gain and not shy to block fatphobic bigots. too arthritic to give a shit about typos or capitalizing. former professional alterations-er. white usamerican who believes strongly in class solidarity across all lines. faggot.

what will you find here?

ive never been good at keeping my tumblr self organized but i’m really going to try to keep this one focused. at first i’ll be posting project round ups and picture tutorials as i work through the immense backlog of my stash, but i’d like to answer questions and help folks troubleshoot their own sewing, fitting, and mending problems. theoretically i’d like to do video tutorials but i dont have the time or equipment. certainly some anti-oppression based political analysis and references to the leather community will filter through, and probably some garden and pet pictures. i’m going to be coaching my life and business partner through making their first clothes pretty soon here so that will be posted in some form as well. tips for adapting clothes for sensory issues and physical mobility based disabilities. me fixating on pattern matching to a truly asinine degree. all black projects covered in cat and dog hair that are really hard to photograph well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what do i make?

ive made everything from thirty foot puppet costumes to these-jncos-arent-wide-enough industrial high fashion jeans to back support corsets and more but currently my own projects are all about providing me with a wardrobe that a) keeps me warm b) doesnt trigger any sensory issues c) makes me look like hot shit. you could call what i’m working on a capsule wardrobe but really i’d just call myself broke. my idea of looking like hot shit involves seamlessly blending the fashions of a sixty year old redneck who goes to town twice a year, and the hardest fem at goth night.

what am i interested in?

i really like historical fashion, especially viking and pre-viking era scandinavian, medieval british isles, and irish/scottish/english/american from about 1800-1960. (NOT saying that other places dont have incredible clothes and fashion traditions, but sewing is pretty much the backbone of my ancestor work—not nec. reverence bc not all of my ancestors deserve it frankly (though some do) but connection and understanding—so i focus my research and construction where my own ancestors were (if you call yourself folkish you can fuck off and die in a dumpster fire right now and if you dont, dont bother googling they dont deserve your attention)). i often take historical undergarments and adapt them for contemporary outerwear, or blend methods of fit or construction that were traditionally used exclusively for either mens or womens fashion in a single garment. somehow i ended up specializing in flattening out princess seams.

perks

follow me and maybe i’ll get someone to video me using the treadle machine which has belonged to my great grandma, my gay great uncle, my gay great uncle’s widower, my mom, and myself

new build project masterlist

alterations project masterlist

tags masterlist

“you’re really into anti-oppression, why aren’t you adding image descriptions?”

a couple reasons. as i mentioned i have a host of disabilities (physical and otherwise). my dayjob involves a lot of computer work, sewing is really hard on my hands and body, i cant always look at screen for very long, and if i made myself wait to post until i could do image descriptions, i would never post at all. i don’t think requiring disabled folks to do things they can’t is the best approach to radical hospitality. if anyone feels moved to add image descriptions to anything i do, i will reblog their post with the tag ‘image descriptions added.’ my main aim in starting this blog is to share my knowledge with trans/disabled folks and other people that experience gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, sensory issues, or physical difficulties getting clothes on and off without pain. the typed writeup that will accompany each picture tutorial is my best attempt at sharing my knowledge and processes with anyone who uses a screen reader

[geometricalien]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

awww thank you for including me. this has just been sitting in my box for the past couple of days but HERE I AM- in no particular order:

This doesn't really have a name... It's just called Merman AU

and it's not a 'fanfic' it's half a collection of headcannons for this AU and half snippets from this idea that I posted on tumblr at @haikyuu-aus-cuz-i-cant-write (oops look who has actually written now jfdksalf) basically this is a cross between the little mermaid and the monkey's paw. I really liked this but it was wayyy too big of an idea for me to write and you can see that I stopped after writing Suga's wish which is reallly funny considering this whole idea spawned from wanting a mermaid/human bokuaka AU and i was not near to getting to the meat of the story at all

Things That Hold Us Together: Steel Bolts and Tender Hearts

yes i just recently posted this, yes i've had this in my folders for like 3 years. this one... this was spawned from an old friend - who i don't speak with anymore - offhand comment that a fanart looked like akashi was an android. four hours after they said that i had half of this fic, and they said it was the best writing i ever shared with them. they encouraged me to expand it but i kept hitting a wall and then we had a falling out and through out the years ive been coming back to this trying to add and edit and i decided to reclaim it as my own and publish it. the idea is that it's an introduction to a lighthearted sitcom/romcom between decommissioned war android akashi and engineer who fixed him up furihata

Language Barriers

i cyclically get star trek brainrot and this time it had a dash of akafuri, i really like how i described things in this one since furihata doesn't think in words but emotions and images instead, idk it was a good writing exercise

Horror wip

ive been hemming and hawing at it for literal months now because i have one central driving image behind my eyelids that i want to get to. its just been... harder than usual to get to it. i've rewritten like 3 times trying to get it write. i've currently landed on 2nd person narration with some thrown in spices of 1st person to signify that we are in the being- akashi's- point of view haunting furihata (the you) and its giving me an opportunity to make the reader feel akashi's destroying love from the front seat. my other goal with this is to write some surrealistic imagery soooo yeP

I Will Follow You Down Through The Gates of Hell

i cant not include this. this damn fic/series/idea has been brewing in the back of my mind for so damn long if it was a human child it could hold a fucking conversation. the imagery. the themes. the depth of emotion- AND WE ARE BARELY GETTING INTO THE WAR!? ITS BEEN 50K+ WORDS AND ITS JUST GETTING STARTED (or ending, if you wanna look at it that way) idk its... its been so long since i wrote part 1 that that fic doesn't feel like "mine" anymore? idk but it always makes me smile seeing an email saying that someone else liked the fics too.

[floorpancakes]

can you post what all the results to the quiz are & what charas they have? im just curious to see the answers to what i didn't get!

ok so ill probably add to this slowly but time for some stats and answers and stuff! obviously dont check this out if you dont wanna be spoiled (thread)

first, here's the actual amounts of each results people have been getting:

when i say i had NO IDEA we'd get so many chuunis....watching the numbers go up the first few days felt like a fever dream haha

but its comforting to know that everyone is cringe and free! i for one welcome our new gothy overlords!

i was also really surprised that gimmick idols got some of the lowest scores 😭 the space that spans is so wide so i was expecting way more people to get that result since i figured it'd catch a lot of people, but i guess you guys are rare!

---

now its time to look at the archetype list:

this was pretty tricky, especially cause i was working on the quiz for funsies at silly o clock in the morning for two nights while i was dealing with some sickness induced exhaustion lol. i wanted to include more (a few like the princely type nearly made the cut), but I found there was

1. a lot of crossover between archetypes (this even happened with some of the idols i chose for the results image!!! hanayo being average idoltwt user AND a harapeko type or minori being average idoltwt user AND fake it til you make it for example)

2. some archetypes that were only based on visuals or not on personality at all

3. kind of lowkey paradoxical (eg. someone might really fit the princely type, but often in idol shows they make it so that trait is pushed on them, but they secretly wanted to be feminine all along, which like, ok but then if someone actually fits the princely vibe I'd be slightly struggling for examples and we'd get all tied in knots unfortunately)

4. the amount of answers was already getting so long that if i added any more it'd start getting difficult to come up with more answers for some of the more concrete questions (like what you'd do post graduation etc)

...so I had to kind of draw the line somewhere. especially cause i thought like 3 of my idoltwt mutuals would take it and that's it 😭 maybe I'll make a part 2 or a more extensive quiz later who knows (guess who just remembered the 'rock is life' type idols and screamed into a pillow for only just remembering...)

---

so the idol archetype categories themselves are DEFINITELY things I've picked up on in multiple series, altho they may require a lil bit of explaining so I'll quickly summarise each one when we go thru the characters. i should probably mention that some of these (like the chuunibyou) are word for word archetypes that people use all the time, while some were just me trying to put words to the character types so the wording was just a descriptor (fake it til you make it queen), altho i hope they were useful! ive seen a few people online using these terms after taking the quiz which is super cute...🙇 let's take a look at these categories shall we?

(note: i have varying levels of familiarity w these characters, i wanted to make it reasonably varied and recognisable but some of them i kind of just knew what category they fit and that's it)

---

THE CHUUNIBYOU

to those who don't know, the chuunibyou is a pretty popular archetype beyond just idols, and tends to refer to people who are stuck in or going through their 'edgy phase'; chuu-ni being short for second year of middle school syndrome (think like, 13 or 14 year olds), but the general vibe tends to be associated with emo or goth phases, claiming to have an evil eye, being or being a servant of Satan, hiding a secret shy or self conscious side with edge, yaknow. average tween behaviour. it's not limited by age tho especially in anime media! one of the examples i used is a 26 year old grown man with a job. never too late!

Like with a lot of the other categories it was really hard to narrow down the results page characters, but from left to right:

1. Todo Yurika from Aikatsu!

Yurika takes being a lifestyle lolita to the next level, being a gothic lolita and punk idol with the chuuni character of a vicious vampire, which she desperately tries to keep up as part of her career, only letting people see her quiet nerdy self once in a blue moon. She has a secret soft spot for garlic ramen and sings some of the best songs in the entire series (which is an achievement cause aikatsus songs are god tier).

music rec (won't do this for everyone, only ones i know well, but pls feel free to fill in the blanks in the comments/reblogs!): check out Glass Doll, Onegai Venus and Eternally Flickering Flame! She has two singing voices over the series, both of which are incredible.

2. Asselin BB II (Asselin Beelzebub the Second) from The Idolm@ster SideM!

Asselin is a genius chef in his mid-twenties that ended up on the streets being kicked from countless jobs because of his ....quirks. He's a chuuni through and through, and its something a lot of the people around him didn't know how to handle, but when he gets taken in by Cafe Parade (both an idol group AND a real life dining establishment) to be their chef, he finally finds a place where he belongs. He's goofy and crazy while simultaneously being an introverted and nervous personality, and claims to be a servant of Satan, which just happens to be an adorable plushie that he carries around for comfort and finds difficult to be without, who gets painstakingly dressed up in matching outfits whenever he's included in a card! Don't be fooled by his softness though, this servant of satan has PIPES. You may recognise his voice, as he's played by well-known seiyuu Furukawa Makoto.

music rec: check out Waga Konton no Sabbath Marriage to immediately ascend, or Reversed Masquerade for a taste of the full CafePa experience.

3. Tsushima Yohane from Love Live Sunshine!!

Probably the most famous on the list so I'll keep it brief! She's been at this chuuni business since she was a little girl, so she encountered a lot of loneliness before joining Aqours, but she's got a cute and clumsy personality and has a tendency to yell about being a fallen angel. She's an absolute sweetheart, despite claiming that she's angered God himself, and is always there at the scene to deliver an edgy pose or stunning vocals.

music rec: check out Kowareyasuki and Strawberry Trapper for peak Yohane vocals, honestly Guilty Kiss in general should be mandatory listening homework