#ive been thinking about experimenting with some pink while im at it

[failedcoinflip]

Daan and Elise's wedding day. I'm literally begging you

hi!! i know this one's been stewing in my inbox for a bit but ive finally gotten around to it.. hope you like this little sketchbook doodle! i don't do traditional often.. (day 15)

[bmpmp3]

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[drchucktingle]

Hello Dr Tingle! I wanted to ask you about that re: your post about how all your books are serious literature (hell yeah Love is real). How do you personally deal with the whole traditional publishing institution? It attracts a whole different level of coverage and it seems that they're very quick to try and box you and like turn you into a brand. Is it stiffling? Is it freeing? Does the attention help more people understand your trot? I don't know I've never been published but since you have experience in both traditional and self publishing I'm interested in knowing how that's feeling for you

well this is a pretty complex question with lots of different trots but i will try my best to answer. lets start with WHO I AM as buckaroo name of chuck

what i create has a very strong voice and my way is pretty recognizable. while buckaroos do not know what most authors look like, i REALLY stand out in a dang crowd with a big pink bag on my head. if you see 50 random author photos and mine is mixed in and then you ask 'which photo do you remember the most?' it is probably gonna be chuck. i also have a VERY UNIQUE STORY with what i create and my artistic sensibilities, not a lot of buds are out there making trans mothman erotica along with their big five traditional publishing bestsellers (SIDENOTE preorder BURY YOUR GAYS)

now if you were going to take 'CHUCK TINGLE' to a marketing department they would FALL OVER BACKWARDS IN THEIR DANG CHAIR with excitement. it is hard to think of an author with a stronger BRAND than i already have in the sense of 'instantly recognizable trot and specific unique style'. even in answering this you can tell that i dont even TALK like other dang authors.

what i am getting at is this: i am VERY VERY LUCKY because my existence just so happens to equate to what a company would see as GOOD BRANDING. it is not intentional on my part, it is just the hand of fate i guess. im out here expressing myself in a FULL ON WAY that is PRETTY DANG STRANGE TO SOME and it just so happens to work as mainstream branding too

on paper you might think 'what the heck no way chuck tingle will fly as a mainstream trot' but honestly the main thread of this timeline can be surprising sometimes. ive been saying the key ingredient for years and i will say it again: LOVE AND SINCERITY RESONATE. when you make art with this fuel, the timeline will feel it. when you stand up tall and shout with your whole chest THIS IS MY WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF. I AM THE WORLDS GREATEST AUTHOR TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, the timeline will listen

so all that said, i do not mind the idea of myself as 'brand' because i am not CHANGING myself to create this effect. what some might see as 'brand' i just see as another part of my art. i have always believed that art is THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE not just the painting but what is outside of the frame. WHO I AM is just as important as the books i write, and interacting with my way is a whole MULTIMEDIA experience that INCLUDES YOU TOO. it is the feeling when your friend shows you your first tingler cover, or the feeling when you realize that i am not playing a character. this is ALL a part of the tingleverse and it is all a part of my honest raw expression as a queer and neurodivergent buckaroo.

YOU ARE PART OF THIS ART TOO

it is my nature of have a PUNK ROCK trot. always has been. but to me that does not mean just angrily going against everything for the sake of going against everything. for me, this punk rock trot means fighting to EXPRESS MYSELF IN THE MOST HONEST AND PURE FORM POSSIBLE and to create the art that i want to make without any boundaries

somehow i have threaded the needle in this really interesting once-in-a-dang-lifetime kind of way. my pure punk rock self as an OUTERSIDER ARTIST just so happens to resonate with this larger system of brand and traditional publishing and popular culture. i COULD reject this, but rejecting it would be LESS HONEST.

this is just who i am. i LIKE pop culture. i LIKE joy. i LIKE dressing in all pink and wearing my custom suits. I LIKE PROVING LOVE IS REAL WHAT THE HECK ELSE EVEN IS THERE? i love being a queer outsider artist and using my small voice to shout at the big bad devils and i like that every time i shout a few more of you buckaroos join the chorus and together we are just getting louder and louder and louder and WHO KNOWS what comes next for us all trotting together.

when i post something like 'WHAT A GREAT DAY TO PROVE LOVE' it is not me sitting here in a bad mood thinkin 'well i gotta make todays post to keep up with my brand'. i am ACTUALLY FEELING THAT FEELING and i actually believe it with every fiber of my being. honestly, half the time i post about the beauty of this timeline i am probably over here literally crying tears of joy (chuck is an emotional bud i get riled over the joy of existence A LOT)

and heres the best part of this trot: because i really have this punk rock way it makes me very powerful. others can pretend not to care about success and brand and all that but I REALLY DO NO CARE. i would write tinglers whether buds were reading them or not, this is just my natural state, and that makes me incredibly strong. if some big corporation says 'YOU MUST DO THIS' and i dont want to do it i just say 'no thanks'. it is not some big debate about my career or anything like that because I REALLY DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. i care about the art

because of this, my relationship with my GIANT TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING MACHINE is great. we trot like equals and we get along really well. i tell them exactly what i want to do and they let me do it. i really do not have to answer to anyone and they deserve a huge amount of credit for respecting me in this way.

and heres the thing, THEY ALSO HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS

SPECIFICALLY my imprint of NIGHTFIRE is very dang cool. yes, they are the head of a giant hydra of a BIG FIVE PUBLISHER, but nightfire is SO DANG ART-FOCUSED

there is no right or wrong way to be an artist, and my path is not the only one, but i can tell you what WORKS FOR ME. this is the advice i would give myself, and buckaroos can take it or leave it

here it is: never beg the big book publisher, or record label, or movie studio to pay attention to you

do not let it become a lotto ticket in your brain. do not think that you are some weak little creature and maybe if you trot just right they will scoop you up and take care of you. do not go to their door begging to be let in

LET THEM COME TO YOUR DOOR

create something so incredible and beautiful and honest and powerful and unique and important that they would be foolish to miss out. create a community or a system or a timeline or a world of imagination that thrives on its own and THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BE A PART OF IT

then when you sit down at that board meeting it is not 'please brand me, ill do whatever you want'. instead, it is 'lets make a deal and see how much love we can prove together.'

now lets trot buckaroos

[gorgeouslypink]

hey pink!

i was hoping you could offer some encouragement and advice to me. basically the entire luckyvoidgirl thing yesterday, i acctually liked her success story, it made sense to me and i even listened to cee's subliminal and my parents ended up saying i don't have to go to this dumb event i was dreading so im even seeing successes with it

the thing was she said something that i can't stop thinking about. she said that a lot of tumblr is just misinformation and that the original blog that brought the void to tumblr was divineangelbee and she was exposed for lying about the void. everyone just copied whatever she said and kept spreading the same stuff she put out but her own experience was all a lie. it really got me thinking about how educated this community is about loa, like the void state and loa is so intertwined. luckyvoidgirl never said she used loa and she did something different but she got so much flack bc the void community on tumblr is so deeprooted in loa, possibly bc of angel. but anyways for a community that is so deeprooted in loa, so many people haven't entered and even worse, so many bloggers have been exposed for lying about their success story. the crazy thing is its so easy to lie on tumblr so the fact that so many have gotten caught makes me wonder how many we haven't even caught and really how does a community that knows loa struggle like this.

idk i just can't stop thinking about this and was hoping for some guidance.

hey love! im technically on break but you're not the only one spiraling so i rlly wanted to answer this.

first of all, i want to say she's just lying and this community is great but i can't. the truth of the matter is she is right. the person who brought the void to tumblr was @divineangelbee and she was the one who went around saying it was super easy and anyone can do it and she was and is still pretty much the blueprint for how a lot of voidstate tumblr thinks, but she was exposed for harassing her friends to enter the void for her. since then, many other bloggers who basically parrot the same thing as her have been exposed as well.

however i want to highlight something here. just because someone preaches something and it doesn't work out for them doesn't mean it's false. this is a super old argument, like back when bloggers like cleo and raven were super popular but people were arguing abt Sammy Ingram. basically she was a big affirm and persist girlie and people were going at her for saying this but never losing any weight (her main goal with manifestation was to lose weight but she never did and just gaslighted anyone who pointed it out, saying they were bodyshaming her). while something was off for sammy (maybe she didn't persist or maybe she just didn't bother doing her method at all), her method worked for so many people. there's boatloads and boatloads of success stories from her videos and methods. so someone can be lying about the void and still be giving legit advice.

however, the void state community on tumblr DOES have a lot of misinformation. ive seen people claim the void state is just SATS, just alpha state, theta state, delta state, it's acc just a placebo for you to guarantee manifestations, and all sorts of nonsense. now there's a new addition, people who tell you to pay money and they'll get you into the void state. it's honestly crazy how hard the community went against the luckyvoidgirl but not some of the other stuff i see here.

but anyways, what do you do?

you need to realize that you entering the void has nothing to do with the state of the void community on tumblr. people lying abt entering the void doesnt make the void a lie, it makes them a liar.

ive been in that position where i hailed bloggers and felt attached to this community so drama here messed with me internally. you shouldn't be doing that. please read my Doubts post where i talk about overcoming this and also provide many sources of proof that the void is real so that you don't need to rely on tumblr to know that:

also it helps to find a few reputable sources. i just wanted to give a shout out to someone rn: @voidprincessblog

her page is the page i would recommend to everyone. you can tell the amount of research and effort she puts into every post and you can trust her to be a reputable source on info.

im going to attach this other post of mine for you as well:

i wish you the best of luck on your void journey and hope this helps! 💟

[gogomatthew]

You’re mine

KINKTOBER DAY 2: Mutual masturbation

PAIRING: SPENCER REID X READER

KINKTOBER MASTERLIST HERE🎃💗

warnings: stalking • mutual masturbation • semi public sex • humiliation • phone sex • paranoia? • mentions of violence • let me know if I missed any •

A/N: sorry about the KTOBER delay.. this ones a little dark but ill make up with a sweet one next week! reminder english isnt my first language but feel to correct any grammar mistakes

summary: Spencer fears he is being stalked after receiving gifts from a secret admirer only to fall for her • MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI 18+

“Hey whats wrong?” Morgan stops Spencer as he rushes into the BAU frantic with an orange envelope at hand “Gather everyone in the conference room please” he gets out of morgans grip and makes his way there. “Whats this about?” Hotch walks in confused on the whole situation, raising a questioning eyebrow at Spencer “Ive been on edge the past month and yesterday I received this..” he hands the envelope to Hotch. Inside theres a handwritten letter with the words “I know you were thinking about me” and multiple photographs of Spencer jacking off in his room.

Truthfully he didn’t want to show anyone but this was getting out of hand. In the photograph his room was illuminated by warm toned lamp, his mouth hung open and anyone with half a brain could assume he was letting out sounds of pleasure, his head was thrown back and his eyes were shut tightly, while his hand wrapped around his leaking dick as he lazily sat on his desk chair with his trousers hanging around his ankles. Hotch’s eyes go wide for a second as he quickly puts the pictures away only making his subordinates blush grow a burning pink. The team share a few glances and connect the dots in an instant. “Morgan you have experience in obsession crimes.. what do you think this is?” Hotch asks after analyzing the letter he spoke up “Are these the only “gifts” you’ve gotten? any other notes we should know about?” morgan glances up at him making sure to put emphasis on the word “gifts”

“I-I mean theres always a lingering feeling im being watched and I got a bouquet of flowers last monday along with a letter every other day from a “secret admirer” but I didn’t think much of it.. I just assumed some neighborhood boy was playing a prank on me..” he says running his fingers through his silky brunette hair, clearly stressed out “looks like you’ve got a groupie” spencer looks back down to morgan “HUH?” morgan hands the letter back to spencer “The writing is clearly written by a female, its dainty and not aggressive.. almost as if to show her love and devotion to you instead of threatening you. That isnt to say she wont get violent later on.. it may trigger her to see you with another woman around her age maybe something set her off and decided to finally make her move.” hotch lets out a breath “Morgan, Reid, you stay here and find a motive, Prentiss and I will go to the scene and try to get more geographical information on how they even managed to take these photos.. wheels up in 30” and with that everyone’s getting to work.

They made a geographic profile, retraced steps, came up with a profile and even a plan on how to catch the unsub. “We think our unsub is a female in her mid 20s, if you were to cross her path shed blend right in, shes not very confident or careful but she is smart, if you bumped into her she’d apologize even if it wasnt her fault, she has an obsessive personality though she probably doesn’t even realize it odds are if she were to go through a psychotic break she would only go after Spencer or people close to him so we don’t have to worry about civilian safety” after notifying the local PD they develop a plan.. Emily was going to pretend to be Spencers girlfriend, holding hands on the subway, walking him home, spending time in his apartment ect, to get a rise out of the unsub, it was a long shot that youd even buy it if youve been stalking spencer but it was worth a try “you sure you got this?” she looks up at Hotch as he adjust her mic pack and silently nods as Spencer copies her movement.

That afternoon he and Emily walk out of the subway station hand in hand making their way to his apartment, god Spencer wasn’t lying.. Emily could feel eyes on her but couldn’t pin point where they came from but they managed to make goosebumps arise from her. That night there was no love letter at his door. This was either the start of a psychotic break or you backing down. Morgan was stationed at the location they assumed the photographs were taken, assuming you’d come back. Emily spent the night at spencers place and left during the early hours of the morning to make it all the more convincing. After she left Spencer did his morning routine like usual, a shower, setting the coffee pot, changing, grabbing his satchel and heading out but he was stopped by a piece of paper that was stuck between the front door and the frame, falling onto the ground. The note was different, it seemed messy and rushed. It read “Im still here” a shiver ran down his spine. His gut told him to just get on the subway and go to work and develop his highly intelligent team but his brain told him to take matters into his own hands. He stormed out of his building and made his way onto the sidewalk hoping to be able catch you before you got too far. He had the profile now all he needed to do was find you and he knew just how to do that. He stormed into the subway station proceeding to walk a little faster than usual. He felt eyes on him and immediately he turned around and met your eyes by sheer luck. He kept his eyes on you and you stayed frozen in place looking away from his gaze but not moving an inch.. could it be you? He knew morgan always trusted his gut and maybe it was time he did the same. As he started approaching you your eyes went wide and you sped walked away. You fit the profile, the only thing they didn’t mention was how attractive you were. He caught up to you quickly having the advantage of long legs “hey” he puts a hand on your shoulder giving you goosebumps “im meeting my girlfriend for coffee but I dont know which track to take.. do you think you could help me?” he give you a nice smile that you return but he notices your demeanor going cold at the word girlfriend.

“yeah totally! where are you meeting?” your fists are clenched at your sides, this was almost too easy “Virginia coffee house” he says simply “you’re gonna want to take the 53, it should get here in about 10 minutes.. that’s actually where im heading too” he smiles a little wider “I don’t suppose you mind waiting with me then?” you nod “not at all!…” you fidget with your fingers “actually im gonna go to the restroom” you turn to rush off with him hot on your heels, he wont forgive himself if he lets you get away.. he has to trust his gut when it’s screaming right at him he needs to know more. He follows you into the bathroom at the station which is thankfully empty and locks the door behind him “Spencer what are you doing?” you say and quickly realize your mistake as his expression falters “I never said my name was spencer..” your eyes widen as you start to back up into the sink “sorry I- my brains all scattered” you try to play it off with a laugh but hes not laughing. He starts to get closer and closer to you as you continue to step back “heres what I think and feel free to correct me if im wrong, but just know ill know if you’re lying, I study human behavior for living but of course you already knew that” your backed up completely into the sink and have nowhere to run as he continues to get closer until he finally towers over you face inches apart “I think you’re my little groupie.. I think you watched me get off and took pictures to touch yourself too.. I think you leave love letters at my door.. I think you’re jealous of my fake girlfriend and I think..” he whisper the next words right into your ear “you’re desperate for me” he hates to admit it but some animalistic part of him just wants to take you right there in the bathroom and make you scream his name to humiliate you just as you did to him. You’d proudfully admit that his accusations made your panties soaking wet, having to squeeze your thighs together for any friction.

Just then a loud knock at the door interrupts you both breaking away “whys the door locked?” you hear through the door “you’re right” you say before speeding off and disappearing into the crowd as soon as the lady at the door gets it open. Spencer rushes out ignoring the strange looks he gets but ultimately looses you. He lets out an exasperated sigh and with that hes on his way to work.

Coming back to an empty apartment was never fun but he couldn’t shake his head off with what happened just a few hours prior in that bathroom. He starts palming himself through his trousers and groans wishing it was you. He unbuttons his jeans and pull out his dick, stroking it as it fill the room with the wet sounds of his precum smearing all over his shaft “fuck” he sits at his desk and there he sees you. You’re on the balcony of the building across the street. The complex next to the one morgan was previously situated at the day prior. Camara leaning next to you, phone in one hand as your other hand starts to glide down your abdomen between your thighs successfully getting a whimper out of Spencer.. hes never been this exposed. He hears his phone ring and you mouth at him to answer it and he obeys. You let out breathy whines as you start to circle your clit matching the pace of the hand wrapped around his dick. His eyes are open staring straight at you, he dosent want to miss a single second of this. His own morality not even bothering him anymore, not when he feels this good and has this view. “Fuck” He stands up from his seat and walk closer to the window, he starts to glide his hand faster even teasing himself by running his finger through his slit “mmm” he knows you can hear him but he cant hold back his sounds god hes never felt this good under his own touch, he thinks it’s pathetic he has to imagine its your even though you’re only a few feet away. “faster” he demands. His ty is loosened but his shirt is still on and how you wish you could just see all of him, you insert 2 fingers into yourself struggling because theyre not long enough to give you as much pleasure as you need, you lean over the edge and hold on to the railing of the balcony giving spencer a better peek at your tits “you’re fucking c- crazy” he says with heavy pants inbetween every word “me? im not the one stroking my dick to my “stalker” god you hated that word but you heard him refer to you as that before, he lets out a deep growl “yeah well im not the stalker” the call is filled with whines and moans from both ends, you start nearing your climax “im gonna- hah-“ your words are cut off by your loud whimpers “aww cmon baby- you can write someone whos never even seen you heartfelt love letters but cant- ah finish- mm your own sentence” hes teasing but in reality hes in the same position as you “fuck- you” his open mouth turns into a smirk “bet youd like that” thats it, something in you snaps and your practically screaming and writhing in place as Spencer delivers his final pumps to his cock before he’s leaking cum onto his own chest with heavy whines as he tries to catch his breath with his eyes closed.

When he finally opens them to see you shock is evident in his face when you’re already gone and the line is left ringing. He buttons his pants and runs to his front door trying to catch you but instead his eyes land on another envelope. He opens it expecting it to be another love letter and pictures of him jacking it only to be met with photographs of YOU touching yourself, your mouth dropped open, hand on your pussy, only showing the bottom half of your face, the note attached reads “you have my phone number now.. id appreciate going on a date with you before you turn me in - your dearest Y/N” god this was going to be fun.

[iforgotwhaticalledthis]

Ender Prince Rae AU

Realising that ive never talked about my Ender Prince rae au so here:

in this au, Rae would split off from Icarus a while before the resets started. Probably because he realised Icarus was trying to lead them to the Gilded Kingdom, when he wanted to go to the End(because he believed that was where he could find info on his mom i think?) Rae would make it to the end, Enderian would realise that Rae is her son.

I think she would be very distant at first, but slowly they would have a good relationship and she would speedrun her in canon redemption arc. During this time Icarus would mayhaps come to the realisation "oh fuck im completly alone and i have no idea what happened to my baby brother" and tries to find them. Unfortunately the resets would start, because fable is very much trapped and very much needs to get icarus to focus on releasing him and not focusing on his goddamn brother hes not even important icarus .

This would lead to Fable deleting memories of icarus and rae from each others childhood, leading Rae (and all other related parties) to believe hes always been in the end, and Enderian has always been his mother. While he is in the end, he works on restoring it after the war with Fable- which he pretty much knows all about because Enderian would tell him. He also remembers Isla, because Enderian would tell him. All in all, he knows a lot more about himself and the world then he does in the original canon.

Meanwhile Sherbet, very alone, dealing with quixis, no memory of who they were, only knowing that they have to find their brother. They do not remember anything else about their brother, just that they have one, and they lost him. This leads them to finding everone else in the Original Lodestar Grove, before it even had a name. Everyone who was there in the start of canon, is there.

Back to Rae- hes become close friends with a prisoner that Perix has been 'looking after' (meaning she has to stop her experiments, cause Rae would take notice and tell Enderian giving her another reason to absolutely hate Rae, which she does) -Oh also at some point he has an eye of ender in his head because he realised it would help him see the auras better.- Anyway, hes hangs out with Ghosty a lot(since he cant properly remember his name) Ghosty doesn't really trust him in the beginning, but like they grow closer over time.

This all takes place in the s1 reset, so Rae is unaware of resets as the only person who knows is Perix, and if the world did reset while he was building his friendship with Ghosty, Ghosty would remember so their friendshp only develops in the S1 reset.

Then one day, a new prisoner magivally appears. A certain, pink haired nether hybrid, who, once Rae tells Enderian about, she becomes very interested in.

Theres a lot more to this au, this covers all of the pre-lore bits I believe- i honestly meant to make this a bullet point type list about this au but ended up just kind of narrarating the story, oh well. ANYWAY Enderprince!Rae my beloved, he has been cooking in my head for so long. if you read this far, thank you?? i qrote so much more than i intended.

[wormeyeballs]

layton mario kart headcanons

ive been playing way too much mk8d lately and i started thinking about how some layton characters would play so heres my headcanons on what character/kart combo theyd use and how good theyd be

these are entirely based on vibes im just getting a little silly

layton:

i dont think he would be very interested in the game and therefore go with basic options for his build

however, he would probably be very good. if he can drive on a collapsing mobile fortress he can play mario kart. probably uses tilt controls to make it feel more like actual driving

luke:

obviously hes gotta go for the teddy buggy and he gives me either yoshi or shy guy vibes

hed be pretty good but he might get a little butthurt when he loses

flora:

i was gonna make her peach but pink gold peach is on brand for the golden apple

i dont think she would be very good but she would just have fun playing :3

emmy:

she definitely gives daisy vibes and the city tripper reminds me of her bike

she would be SO good at mario kart and very competitive. her and luke get way too into it and start fighting like siblings

katrielle:

this is actually just my build, i felt like itd work well for her

shes a good player but gets extremely competitive when someone beats her or is better than her

ernest:

silly and plant themed need i say more

i can see kat and ernest playing together on slow days at the agency but ernest probably doesnt play much otherwise and isnt very good

alfendi:

hes kind of an edgelord. sorry /hj

he probably played more when he was younger, especially with katrielle who would probably pester him to play with her (the older sibling experience) also he gets VERY aggressive when playing

lucy:

i cant explain it but she gives me koopa vibes

i think she'd be good and maybe a bit of a tryhard. also talks a lot while playing. typa girl to jump up and yell "YES!!!!" when she wins

feel free to suggest more characters im having fun with this lmao

[angel---eater]

im so curious what u mean by the vriskafication of jegbert? /genq

ive been watching the hs fandom from afar since the epilogues were dropped.

this is a rlly good question- i have a lot of thoughts and feelings abt june and how the fandom has taken to her her and is now portraying her in popular fanon. im so sorry this has gotten so long. im also sorry if i say smth you or anyone reading this disagrees with, but in my experience this is kind of inevitable when it comes to the topic of june egbert, trans characters who havent come out in canon yet, and trans headcanons as a whole. this shits personal to all of us and we all have different perspectives on transness, and oftentimes how we view transness in fiction is very much coloured by our own gendered experience.

it boils down to: can we please fucking let trans girls live. we are so fuckin weird about transfem folks and trans girls/women, even in fiction. sometimes especially in fiction, actually. especially on this gd website. if i have to see one more person defending june (and tgirl roxy) as a concept, and through that, defending real life transfems existences by talking about girldick or being a sweet docile sugary femme babygirlie kittycat, i will turn everyone into a fucking goldfish and flush you all one by one down my toilet. this, again, also extends to how a lot of the fandom handles trans headcanons in general, regardless of gender. all of what im about to say is from watching the homestuck fandom and fanon grow and change over 10+ years, basically since the beginning on this site specifically

some disclaimers for my trans resume i guess: i am intersex. i am plural. we as a system identify systemwide as transfemasuline or transneutral in an attempt to both honor and not speak over each other in terms of gender expression and individuality, while also trying to condense our existence for singlets to understand better, faster. we dont have time to explain all our shit all the time lol. we have transfems and transmascs in our system and everyone getting a fair, even chance at their preferred presentation is how we roll. we have lived a transfemasculine life. you cant put us in a single blue or pink corner, it wont work we are immune to that bullshit.

the vriskafication of june egbert is basically me trying to short-hand describe the way that ive seen some fans portray june post-transition by turning her into a mean girl[tm] type of person. there's also the roxyfication of june egbert, where other people make her a ditzy bimbo who can do no wrong because 'shes a girl now' and thats apparently how ppl still think girls should behave?? jegbert's canon personality traits need not apply anymore, apparently, bc that was icky boy behaviour. ghostbusters who? she likes shopping now. fanon june is sometimes eerily similar or exactly like vriska (fanon, woobified vriska, mind you, bc we still cant get a grasp on vriska as a fandom either) while also dressing very high femme and only high femme. because she has to perform someone elses femininity (spoiler: our own concept of what girls 'should look like' to be considered girls) instead of her dads masculinity now. shes either mean like vriska, or dumbed down like fanon roxy, who again has been watered down into a ditzy dumb girly girl who has done nothing wrong ever, bc shes 'just a girl', and bc people get Uncomfy when fictional tgirls do bad things. and oh boy has canon roxy done some bad things

as a counterpoint to my aesthetic based grievances, which are entirely personal- you can portray june egbert however you want. i personally invision her as very butch, but i could be totally wrong! im not even trying to make guesses here! this is my personal make-believe! she is not a real person and has never actually appeared as herself in canon. we dont know what junathan would/will be like during and post-transition. we dont know what an egg crack event will do to them. but some of the ways ive seen june portrayed feels........ off, personality wise. very off. and thats what i care about. it feels like malgendering in way too many cases, with the ditzy girliepop/catty girlbully thing. its straying too close to the tgirl brand of madonna/whore that tfems have to face in real life constantly. this is especially bad for tgirl roxy but i'll get to how fanon vs canon roxy is handled later

i use the word 'vriskafication' bc like vriska, june egbert (meaning tgirl jegbert, previously known as john in fandom and currently as john in canon, just to hammer it home that june and john are the same person, because some fans do seem to forget that john is living life believing shes a boy and a man right now and i dont think that should be erased) is still a pretty polarizing concept. fans either love her and disregard jegbert as ever having been john, or they disregard her as a concept in favour of how john is right now in canon. or theyre just straight up transmisogynistic about it bc they want their yaoi or their het ships. and BOY are some of the fandom not shy about that. which actually leads me into my next disclaimer:

im not including tboy/tmasc john headcanons in the above statement. i do not care about fighting over trans headcanons. i think that shit is just disrespectful and pointless and juvenial. you are fighting for nothing. june/john will not thank you for fighting for their trans rights bc they are not real and have no rights. june is not canon (yet) because she has not had that realization yet, and we dont know if/when she will. and genderbend aus have been a thing since the dawn of fandom anyway. more than one type of headcanon can exist at the same time. we are playing pretend. headcanons will never be proper representation. we are fans, not corporate entities or big directors or production teams churning out content for mass audiences. john has been considered a cis boy for FAR longer than june has been a popular concept, and you dont know how long someone has had or how close to someones heart their trans headcanon is, regardless of what flavour of trans headcanon it is. its rude. some of yall are so fucking mean for no reason other than 'you cant sit with us. on wednesdays we wear pink' rules. very intentional reference there

and i mean okay, roxy. big pink elephant in the room. no one respects or even acknowledges the fact that roxy in the Meat timeline is transmasc and currently only uses he/him, and when they do they're bullied fuckin relentlessly and ostracised from fandom spaces. ive seen entire hate campagns specifically for badmouthing transmasc roxy fans to try to get them to stop posting tmasc roxy stuff, or to see it as transmisogynistic violence akin to shooting a real trans girl live on tv. i have seen these comparisons be made on this site. ive seen others get actually violently transphobic about it back in 2019-2022, and even now. ive talked to fans who were mass dogpiled and harrassed off tumblr for liking meat!roxy's direction, or even just not publicly condemning him while having a neutral stance. i myself have been instablocked from servers and off of ppls blogs for thinking tmasc roxy is cool and a good plot point for his overall personal arc, especially in juxtaposition with roxy's pregnancy in candy, and how that affected her rship with her body and her gender. ive been called horrible things for even considering roxy to be anything but DMAB. that chapter in candy where we get a glimpse inside roxy's head about gender was beautifuly written with a lot of tact for trans people who can be or have been pregnant and enjoyed it, something that is INSANELY RARE. UNHEARD OF, EVEN, IN MEDIA. so this really isnt about trans rights or representation from my perspective. its just gendered bullying and a whole lotta white knighting from people who are majoratively not even fucking transfem.

the same notes of trans coding for roxy that fans deem only as transfem could be seen as coding for transmasculinity too. yes, including the XY thing. does anyone remember what foreshadowing is. and all of this even depends, hinges, on whether hussie intentionally wrote ANY of the human kids as trans initially or had it planned from the very beginning, which i really really really dont think she did!!! in 2009??? yeah fucking right!!!! the entire thing about roxy and jane pressuring dirk and jake into relationships is about cis girls feeling posessive of and entitled to queer boy's bodies and attention, because its something they cant have, and cis girls are seen as a group of people physically incapable of harm, which is misogyny that directly effects cis girls/womens victims. its a direct mirroring to cis boys doing the same to queer girls. and as much as i love all flavour of trans reads for the alpha kids in fandom, i dont think i wouldve appreciated it in canon. i wouldve hated it, actually. it waters down the message and makes everything far too messy and open to bad faith interpretation. we need more trans characters doing bad things in media, but the era the alpha kids section of HS1 was being published was NOT the time. an inarguably canon tgirl character preying on an inarguably queer tboy in 2011-2012? there would have been blood in the streets. i VASTLY prefer fanon interpretations when it comes to the alpha kids being trans. i trust fans way more, but i obviously still have reservations about that which is why im here writing all this

to further back this up- hussie has also openly discussed having her eyes opened to queer issues BY queer fans WHILE HS1 was still being updated!!! THATS why you can see a gradual influx of genuine queerness in homestuck as you read it!!! the vagueness of the trans coding we percieve in the text is why tboy john is still so popular!!! WAY more trans experiences, especially in childhood, are more similar than The Current Discourse bad actors will try to have you believe. please dont believe them, they're not right in the head and the ppl trying to convince you that someone has it The Absolute Worst are lying to you. we all have it bad, thats how oppressive systems work. its just in different patterns for indiviuduals. a middle class trans persons oppression can and often will look VASTLY different to a poor trans persons oppression bc different axis of oppression are at work. it depends on the type of person our oppressors label us as, they dgaf if anyone identifies as TME or TMA. thats a little beside the point but its absolutely contributed to how fans treat fictional trans characters, especially in the last few years

i hate hate hate the ideology in this fandom that one trans interpretation or headcanon is more valuable, or hits harder, or is more idk narratively transcendient or powerful than The Other, so The Other is deemed boring/bland/sauceless/whatever and deserves all the hate and takedowns and dismantling and nitpicking it gets. the fans of this Other Trans Headcanon deserve their hate and calls to kill themselves because theyre just Wrong About It. but thats not true. none of that is true. you just dont vibe with other flavours of fanmade trans narrative. and thats completely fine actually. its literally like preferring carrot cake to raspberry pie. it is on that level outside of transphobic biases, and i sincerely believe that a lot of fans start out on that level, but dip into transphobic biases because of the constant fucking weird moral panic about trans girls, and by extension, young trans people as a whole. which is not fine. whats also not fine is attacking fans of trans characters over said trans characters gender, canon or interpreted!!!

to tie this tf up bc i dont want this to go on for any longer than it has, im so so SO SO SO tired of fanon june and roxy being trans girls first and foremost over their actual characterization. and im even MORE tired of the word 'girl' being taken in fiction to mean dumb, sweet, (white)feminine, wouldnt hurt a fly, so so cuddlysoft, girlboss it up girlfriend, you cant sit with us, im such a cool bitch, im cooler than you dumb gross boy because im a girl, what personality i dont have one i dont need one because im a girl.

so much of fandom has forgotten that roxy is fucking mean and WILL ignore whatever doesnt fit her whims/wants and will plow through her closest friends and loved ones regardless of the situation at hand because of what she wants. she canonically admitted to harrassing dirk on the daily because she wanted him, because she was lonely and couldnt see past her own hurt to see that she was also hurting her friend. and oh my god, mom lalonde, worlds first abscent mother who swears up and down that she loves you really, rosie posie, its just that mommy's real hungover again and also very busy. that is BRILLIANT characterization for a female character, and its been forgotten behind the big pink bedazzled neon ITS A GIRL sign. and the same has been happening with june!!! and it sucks!!!! us transfems are just people we are JUST people. i dont want trans girl characters only point of characterization to be trans and girls!!!! i dont want talking heads and perfect cardboard cutouts in lipstick!!!! when june happens i want her to be exactly the same as when she was john because thats who i became enamoured with in HS1 and thats who i watched grow up in the epilogues and THATS who i want to see finally find their place in paradox space as herself. i want her personality intact, and i dont want to see her forget or turn her back on her childhood and teen and young adult years. i dont want june to be fanon vriskafied

[taniushka12]

tagged by @autisticwriterblog!!! thank you, 🤗🤗💞💞

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on ao3 just 79! been posting there since 2015 but im a busy bee u_u

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

177103 😌

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The most I've written for in the past decade are Haikyuu -> Wolf359 -> Tma -> Alwake

4. Top five fics by kudos

Antropofagia (147) the one and only jon/martin ive ever written where web!martin eats a guy and then ponders about his humanity w/ his boyfriend

Lipstick Stains (143) Jon/Tim/Sasha fluff ♥

The dance of the spider and the flame (126) web!martin/desolation!tim fluff (pseudo fluff? its fluffy to Me) w/ a side of meta

Ridiculous monster man (118) Jon/Tim angst 😔

Un hombro en el cual dormir (86) Tsukki/Yama fluff ♥

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! sometimes it takes me a Considerate amount of time but I always leave them unread until I get to do it ;o;

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

sticking to remedy (for this and the next question) id say Clouds of pink and storm, where Alice experiences the final reunion w/ Alan in aw:an but then wakes up, assuming it was merely a dream and that he's still dead ;_;

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hypothermia where Alan gets out of the dark place and can finally sleep in peace surrounded by the people he loves ♥♥♥

8. Do you get hate on fics?

one (1) time in my first tma fic, but I just deleted it and moved on ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (joke on them bc that Is my most popular fic lmfao)

9. Do you write smut?

sometimes. I hate writing it almost as much as I like thinking abt it, which puts me on a difficult position 😔

10. Craziest crossover?

😶 do not have one..

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i translated many of my hq and w359 fics from spanish to english, if that counts!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! im pretty protective of my stories... although I lowkey wanna try it sometime, making aus and stories with people is Fun ;o;

14. All time favourite ship?

ALL TIME FAVORITE is hard, but as of Right Now its alan/alice/barry and any permutation of those three ♥ i love them ;o;

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the hannibalesque au... a martin/elias fic that was supposed to be my tma magnus opus, last time i opened it it was pushing 20k and quite literally only needed two scenes to be complete, but also thinking abt tma always puts me on such a sour mood and, while i love the ship, i couldn't care less about elias himself,,, still love the fic but god getting into the mindset to write it is hard to say the least Q_Q

16. What are your writing strengths?

id like to think characterization! and dialogue 🥰

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

larger plot...? thinking around specific scenes i wanna write sometimes gets tedious so i prefer writing snippets of stuff :/ also staying motivated on the thing 😔

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

if done right it can add flavor to the story! but its a hit or miss and when it misses it can be soooooo so bad Q_Q i dont believe you Need beta reads for fics but in this case you Gotta have someone that speaks the language available, and Please dont just translate words at random

19. First fandom you wrote in?

phineas & ferb :') still got some one shots printed somewhere in my room lmao

20. Favorite fic you've written?

oof. hard to say. but I'll go with:

Desperately Safe (tma, peter/salesa) what if a charismatic yet highly paranoid man and the misanthropic heir of the lonely found refuge in each other? and they were both sailors?

Recognition Through Fear (tma, martin/annabelle) in which the resident "spider monster" lady who was formerly arachnophobic shows signs that she never Actually stopped being scared of them, and the resident "fear buffet" guy who hates her guts (yet loves spiders) tries to make her life just a little bit easier by carefully picking the spiders integrated to her skull. a small moment of kindness in an otherwise unkind world u_u

Hypothermia (alwake, alan/alice/barry) you know that one 😉

tagging: @lostinthewoodsomewhere, @wolf-three-fifty-nine, @florallychaotic and @ilkkawhat 🤗

[bambirosedoll]

Hmmmm today. Definitely feeling more exhibitionist today. Like really sort of driven? Idk. Head wise... okay. Maybe a little floaty some. Definitely had a moment were bambis programming took hold?

CW: bs trigger discussion

Was getting ready to take off bambis collar and so far had been really good about honoring bambis uniform programming when going to remove it. Well today i was like thinking of like not doing that and resisting the programming?

Gd it tumblr why didnt u save?

Anyway was thinking of restiting the uniform program compulsion and just sort of ended up petting the collar. And when i pressed it i sort of collapsed on the bed. Like part of me wanted to play along witj the programming? It migjt have been the most distinct bambi has ever felt? Like almost imagining her voice?

Laid like limp and droopy like a doll for a while until i mentally sort of agreed to suck bambis cock (one of her dildos) before i could sort of move again. Tried unbuckling without the thing and dropped again and did finally suck on a dildo.to take off her collar.

Idk part of me.just was like was i just experimenting? I havent even listened to that file in ages. I know ive listen to it as part of the 20 day. Plus maybe a few others?

Neway im not.evdn sure if anyone is reading this.

The rest of the day was bland and mostly boring. Checked in with my dr today. Levels are doing well (oh yeah, did bambi mention she was back on hormones? For a little while now). Dr is going to send some otc recommendations for maybe inducing lactation. My dr woukd make such a good bambi 😋 and she is super hot.

Chatted with some guys. I definitely still have my hangups about my age and this bambi thing. Like im still surprised anyone finds me hot. But ty to those who do 💖

Worked on dm stuff. Yes nerd girl. Had fun coming up with campaign hooks for a new campaign im starting this weekend?

Mmmm is this sexy? Or just weird. Idk

Today's look

On Wednesdays we wear pink

Last night listened to this playlist

And up to level 14 on bambi cloud

[gobstoppr]

Okay but in all seriousness the way you use color just shifts something in my brain whenever I see it, ESPECIALLY when you choose vibrant colors for the entire piece or only add one vibrant color because just AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH the way I'm SOBBING every time because it's so damn good

Also when you opt for more pastel colors????? It's been a while but back during ✨️our Kirby days✨️ you posted an art piece of Meta Knight sitting in the moonlight and just. The lines, the moon popping out thanks to the limited color pallet, the pastels, the way you made him So Fucking Shaped. It's literally the first thing that comes to my mind whenever I think of Meta. It's just such a stunning artwork like hhhhnnnnggggggGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO GOOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE IT

AAGHHHHH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH

this made me smile sm

im rlly proud of that meta knight ur talking about.. it was originally a physical sketch but i liked it sm i turned it digital and then i got silly with the colors

ive always been proud of my colors, but in the past (like idk 7 years ago) i had a weird limited approach to things. i figured out the trick of like,, taking something whose base color is pink and shading with purple. and then that was all i would do, because it pretty consistently made stuff that was pleasing to look at

and i developed a bit on that sorta style for years until my spamton era happened. i started using mspaint a TON and it radically changed my approach to coloring. having to both go into a seperate menu to select colors AND having the black/white slider be required to color pick Made it so that i had to experiment a lot more. mess around, maybe try a lower saturation. and after a while i started getting obsessed with grey tones.

my old old art was all super colorful, but in a sorta predictable way. its nice but didnt leave much of an impression

but in like my current era i use a lot of toned down colors. desaturated, greyish in betweens, playing with warm greys v cool greys, actually appreciating complementary colors

butyeah thats all to say. uh. i like colors a lot and i think about them alot

there r always new ways to approach coloring something and u can make some crazy stuff

ill admit that i feel like alot of my doodles n stuff look a little samey atm. u can tell what colors i default to when im feelin lazy lmao (cream, teal, green, warm pink, etc. all desaturated of course) but then again i havent been drawing much lately, the sample size isnt super big

i wanna make more shit i just never have the ideas or motivation.. i jsut end up doodling fish furries lol

uh i got distracted. anyways. thank u sm.....

[haloburns]

had some free time to think today and i just. got really sad about the life i used to think i was going to have before i became disabled

(whoops this turned into a Journal Entry, so im putting it beneath a read more sry lmao)

like. i had plans to travel europe and work in cafes and stay out too late in clubs with my new friends and then stumble in to open the cafe with my clothes from the night before and smeared makeup. and like, maybe thats a weird dream to have, but id spent so long in this tiny little box in my hometown (kinda. its complicated bc ive lived where i am now longer than the place i was born, but my birthplace will always be my hometown, to me.) so i was reaching for experiences so drastically different from the life id known.

but then i went to college out of state. 10h from home, almost in canada. and i did spend a good chunk of my first two years partying exactly like i described: work until 8/9, go home eat something fatty and greasy, change into smth slutty and cool, and go out with my friends and stay out until the wee hours, making out and dancing with whoever asked. two one night stands came of it, both embarrassing for different reasons (thats a whole different post lmao but i dont regret either, actually) but i had so much fun. i felt free. like i could truly be myself for the first time in my life

and then i became disabled.

(caveat: ive probably been disabled my whole life, but i simply. never noticed. i didnt know it wasnt normal to be in pain, because i didnt know what 'pain-free' meant. it wasnt until i started making diasbled and crippled friends that they made me realize that living at a 4/5 on the pain scale All The Time is in fact not normal)

i got a terrible cold my first thanksgiving. spent the entire break on the couch in the lounge sniffling and coughing, trash can, tissues, hand sanitizer, and lotion all right next to me because i was DETERMINED not to get anyone sick (context: this was pre covid. wearing masks was like. not a thought.) despite everyone having gone home/away for the break. i got my first (and only) case of viral pink eye. i had bronchitis until april. that same january, while i still had bronchitis, my knees suddenly swelled up so badly i couldnt move for two days. my knees have ached almost daily since then.

from there, it was simply a cascade failure of things. fingers and wrist hurt constantly, no matter what i did or what brace i wore. (hint: i ended up having de quervaines tenosynovitis and had to have surgery bc it went untreated for 5+ years) back was constantly cramping. feet hurt after only a four hour shift. stairs became impossible. i was constantly exhausted, no matter what i did.

then, in december 2020, i was home like everyone else, and i was working in my mom's office full time while also attending classes full time remotely (like everyone else). my mom took a week off. finals week. she left me in charge, since i was the second most senior person in the office with my roughly two years experience. my half sister was demanding to know why our other sister wouldnt talk to her after she borrowed our car to go see our estranged father. again. (we gave her permission to borrow the car, but it still hurt). the exhaustion was getting worse and worse until thursday of that week. my coworker was threatening to call my mom to come pick me up because i couldnt think, could barely talk, and i was nodding off at my desk. and then my half sister called out of nowhere and wanted to talk. and i was so tired, so done with EVERYTHING, i let her have it. that took the last bit of my energy and i told my coworker to call my mom.

i spent a week in bed with the worst pain in my life. my entire body ACHED. my cat couldnt lay on me because it felt like i was being crushed to death my a bed of needles. my elbow swelled up so badly i could hardly move it. i could barely sit up to eat or stand to go pee. i slept SO MUCH.

i returned to work maybe a week or two after. i maybe finished my classes but i hoenstly dont remember. i moved back up to school in jan/feb with covid restrictions so i could finish my senior year on campus. i couldnt walk to the mail room and back without needing a nap. i couldnt go to starbucks and bring back two coffees without needing a break in the middle of my walk. i went to the health services because something wasnt right.

after some tests and lots of arguing with some shitty doctors and PTs, the light of my life, dr k diagnosed me with chronic fatigue. i finally had an answer for all my issues.

i thought that was it.

that summer, june/july 2021, i developed postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome and fought to get it taken seriously. two er trips with elevated heart rate, brain fog, and high bp, and it took the second trip to have them take me SERIOUSLY and get a referral. the cardiologist told me i was fat and just needed to exercise more, the three heart monitors don't show stereotypical tachycardic events, so im just experiencing elevated heart rates. i was fine. finally convince him to put me on propranolol, the "as needed" dose, and fuck off when he says he wants to work me off them and get me exercising.

i found a doctor who took me seriously and listened when i said "i have x problem. i would like a solution." and gave me referral after referral after referral, chasing more and more diagnoses. she never once made me feel insane for my symptoms, never made me feel unheard, and she never failed to make me cry in relief every time i went to see her and didnt have to fight for just an ounce of care.

since then, ive been diagnosed with moderate asthma, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, and potentially (almost assuredly) hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome. (for those of you keeping track, thats six diagnoses in four years) dr m, my savior, retired this year, and ive found a new doctor im hoping i can teach to treat me with the same care and respect. shes already given me a second referral to gastroenterology for my stomach issues (which... might just be from too much ibuprofen... :) rip me) and neurology bc my migraines that have crippled me for upwards of a month before are no longer being managed by my meds and i need something more specific before i start new meds. she said shed find me a doctor to dx heds, bc shes still new and wasnt comfortable with the tests required and didnt want to do it wrong, which endears her to me just a little more

but all of ^^^ that is just a big winding way to say that my life has changed a LOT since i graduated high school. i can no longer stand for long periods of time. i cant lift more than maybe 5-10lbs, and i certainly cant carry it for any significant length of time. i get migraines so easily. my joints slip out of place if i step wrong. i cant go out one night and expect to be up and at'em early the next day. i have to weigh my energy vs what i want to get done vs what needs to get done, and most days, nothing gets done at all.

and sometimes, usually when i get a new diagnosis and a new complication to my life, i mourn the life i used to dream about for myself. i mourn the things ive had to lose out on because my reality has changed so drastically. i cant go to amusement parks anymore. i cant go to standing-room-only concerts. i cant go to the grocery by myself. and you can forget doing things like wandering through the mall to kill time or going for a leisurely walk around the park.

being disabled is not the worst thing to happen to me, and i dont think im damaged or broken or anything like that. despite all the pain and complications and accomodations i have and need, i love myself the way i am. after all, i am now the funniest fucking person in ANY room. i dont think i want it back, because i love the life i have now (meaningful volunteer work, a dnd group i love, and a partner i thank the stars for regularly). but sometimes, its hard not to mourn the life i thought id have

[fraener]

2/7/24

had very hard week just now...h got sick and it freaked me out so bad that i made myself sicker than him with worry. my anxiety absolutely consumed me, it began last weekend with a series of small anxiety attacks that i managed just fine with and then a terrible multi day panic attack from h getting sick. my ibs was the worst its ever been and i felt so awful i couldnt calm down no matter what i did. i kept having recurring dreams of evading getting sick and then just having to accept it was goin to happen to me...i wanted to believe it was a dream drought and they werent premonitory but in the end i got sick too! it was such a cathartic experience i still cant fully believe it happened...it was physically unpleasant for sure but h took such good care of me i honestly had an amazing time. i didnt get even as sick as he did with it but i was sick for a bit longer like usual, somehow i get through things low and slow these days whereas he gets through then fast and hard. i think today my stomach is finally all the way back to normal. im glad i didnt actually throw up but at the same time theres a lot of parts of me that are really disappointed it didnt happen because it would have been extra cathartic if it had. from this ive managed to get a little bit of peace. im still feeling bothered from my ibs episode, therapist says i have to go to the doctor about it and im sort of frightened to do that. not only because im scared theyll find something, but also because the imaging procedures are often unpleasant and scary...still struggling with pttm and d/m trying to override everything. but i had a flash of wanting to draw something for the first time in over a year which was huge, and while i was sick i felt full of excitement and freedom, and yesterday evening i walked for a long time to the northernmost point in the twin bays and the sky felt so broad and i felt so calm like i did in the field behind the radio station on the island or home at my grandmas in co... big sense of peace right around the corner. im changing little by little and coming back to myself after a long time. i saw white salal and pink hazel flowers and the osoberry and snowdrops and witch hazel and red flowering currant are all blooming now. the chorus frogs are croaking. spring is frighteningly early this year but for some reason i feel ok about it. im really nervous itll be terribly terribly hot this summer, like the first summer i lived in this apartment. i suppose all i have to do is wait and see. it would be poetic for the last summer to be like the first one. im graduating this summer, i dont know what to do with myself next. im trying not to think of it being so big and empty on the other side of that. somehow i still never got to do all of the things i wouldve liked to here, not like in high school where i managed everything i wanted and more. ive been having dreams about r again recently, i suppose hes on my mind. i saw him from afar a couple of times in the last week or so. the runes and cards say we have some kind of unknown relationship that isnt approachable yet but is bubbling and forming under the surface in a big way, but undetermined in its gestation because neither of us know what we want from one another. another thing to wait and see about. i want to let go and paint again.

[aphrodict]

Good day Prince Ari! I had recently gotten the thought of going to Lantern Rite with a few of our anemo friends, (Xiao, Sucrose, Kazuha) with the prompt “Id fall inlove again every summertime” based on my favorite song Summertime - NIKI. Thank you once again, and apologies for suddenly appearing in your inbox. How are things with you? I do hope you are doing well. Id also like to announce a friend of mine has appeared on your inbox as well! Please treat them well. <3 - 🍀

“ a lantern rite date “

tws // none! pure fluff fluff fluff

pairing // xiao, sucrose, kazuha x gn!reader (seperate)

genre // try to guess

authors note // OMG HI 🍀ANON!! i havent seen u in a while, im doing fine ty for asking! i got carried away with this ask cause its so cute 😭😭 also i gave summertime a listen and ur music taste?? SO GOOD!! you arent disturbing me its fine!! enjoy <3 wc: 1.7k (WOHOO)

xiao was hesitant going to lantern rite with you. hes not fond of large crowds and loud spaces, but the fact you offered to show him the best area made him interested at least. as you described, the area you two were going to had a nice breeze, soft grass and almost no one was there. another bonus was the fact you saw the entire harbor by just sitting there. the location was empty so he was afraid of any danger living in the corners waiting for the right time to jump out and attack, but you managed to convince him anyway. “fine, ill go.” you smile, “great! shall we get going then, mr. adeptus?”. the night was cold already, so you wonder if it'll be colder on the hill. xiao seemed unbothered by the weather and kept walking. he was shyly offering his hand to which you take happily, intertwining your fingers together. xiao looked away blushing, you chuckle at his actions. archons, hes too adorable to resist! “oh, its this place.” the thoughts in his mind finally goes away once xiao realizes it was safe. he had been here before, infact he had some friends with him. “you’ve been here?” he hums.

“yes, i have. the other.. adeptus, went here with me at some point. forget about it- its nothing worth mentioning.” he sat down on the grass, breathing deeply and relaxing, letting his shoulders drop and rest. you do the same, but theres not much of a difference since you’ve been fine the entire day. the chattering in the harbor was heard all the way from here. the setting of the lanterns slowly lit up the sky, you smiled- tapping his shoulder to make him look up with you. the lanterns colored the night with a bright orange and yellow. you stared at awe, while xiao was staring at something else. you looked so, beautiful, so surreal. the way the lanterns lit up behind you, the light scattering around your figure. he wanted this to last forever, xiao wanted to be with you forever. just when you think the show was over, the sky was bright with colorful fireworks. a blue one exploding in the air, while a pink and orange one follow after. you saw the fireworks turn into the shape of mora, animals, and other everyday symbols. “f/n-“ you looked over at the adeptus, it really seemed like you had a permanent smile on your face. “mhm?” you respond, he looks down at the qingxing flower he picked up from god knows where. “thank you for, bringing me here.” his lips curve slightly. he wanted to stop the moment and stay like this. xiao whispered a small “i love you” and hugged your waist from behind, while you two continue watching the fireworks in awe.

“sucrose, have you been to liyue?” you ask the alchemist. she has been fixing the things she messed up from her last experiment, “liyue? i think ive been there with timaeus once, but i havent been there personally.” you looked over at her in shock, “oh, is that so..” your gaze on her hasnt left, turning your body towards the alchemist and putting your head on her shoulder. “then ill invite you to lantern rite, just you and me!” the alchemist couldve sworn she almost dropped something. “im not sure if mr. albedo would allow me, plus! i dont think i have the free time either.” you pouted, playfully tapping her back “we’ll make free time then, ill pick you up at 5, sounds good? great!” without giving her the time to make a proper response, unless you count silent mumbling, you left the laboratory and gave her a goodbye wave. a few hours of waiting, thats it right? im sure you’re patient enough for that. im just kidding- you went around mondstadt, you know sucrose loved something like “modifying life”. eventually going out towards the gates and finding a flower on your way to windrise. thinking this would be good enough, you walked back to mondstadt, flower in hand. “f/n! you actually came- i thought your invite was just a joke but then i thought ‘why would you joke about that?’ and started questioning you even more like, why would you even want to invite me? out of all people? you could've gotten mr. albedo or even kaeya!“ when she started mumbling, fiddling with her fingers. you put the flower behind her ear, tucking it in, some of her hair following. her ears twitched a little and she had this small blush on her face. “you look cute, sucrose.” you realize she looks even more amazing with the flower you got her! “lets go, shall we?” reaching your arm out to her, she wraps hers with yours in response. the journey was quite long, you two went on a boat to get to liyue faster- all thanks to a captain friend of yours. “well well, you better get going you lovebirds! the show starts in exactly 20 minutes, you still have time to go shopping. or if you have nothing else to get, go to your location. unless you need me to get there, again.” the purple haired captain teased, turning her back against you two. you thank her and bowed your head slightly while she raised her hand as a ‘no problem’. you go around the harbor’s shops. sucrose just stared at awe in how nicely decorated it is. “you hungry? i can get some food for us if you want” you asked, offering to go to this specific restaurant as it served good food for quite a cheap price. you went on and on with the. shop names and what they offered, “im fine with whatever you pick.” she said, her mind too occupied with some other thoughts. “wanmin restaurant it is then!”, you held her hand, swaying it as you walked. sucrose spotted a shop she had interest in. once you realized she stopped walking, you went over to her and buying what she found. “here, let me help you wear it.” putting the scarf around her. “thank you, f/n. i really liked the design! look! it has small flowers on it, oh oh and this too!” she pointed around the designs, you let out a light chuckle as she smiled at you with excitement. right after greeting xiangling, seeing chongyun and xingqiu hanging out together with her, you and sucrose went near the docks to watch the lanterns. the sky was bright, it felt as if the sun was still there, setting with a vibrant orange. sucrose looked so amazed, the voices of everyones reactions were drowned with the sound of fireworks setting off and the person infront of you speaking. “thank you for letting me go here with you, f/n.” her amber eyes looking at yours, squeezing your hand tightly- not enough to hurt you. “yeah, we should.. do this yearly.” you suggested, sucrose looked back at the sky, enjoying the view

you and kazuha we’re just returning back to liyue after having the traveler meet up with thoma once more in ritou. you two said your goodbye’s and stay safe’s. “man, that traveler, really set to find her brother huh?” the captain spoke. “it is her mission after all. wouldn't you go look for a lost loved one as well, beidou?” kazuha replied, coming back from the edge of the boat. “huh, you’re right. are they both really that close?” she asked. you didnt bother joining in the conversation, busy with something else. “its safe to assume that, ive heard her mention something about her and her brother visiting world after world together. it was until a few months ago when they got seperated.” kazuha made his way to you, his fingers brushing over your palm and kissing your knuckles. “yeah yeah ive heard of the story- oh?” beidou shouted, voice lowering when she saw a lantern float out to the sea with letters saying “reunite”. three figures were drawn, two siblings and a smaller figure. “its that time of the year again for liyue harbor. say, dove, would you like to see the lanterns with me?” his voice rather low and raspy. “id love to, kazuha.” you smile back. your little moment ruined with beidou telling one of the crewmates to set the anchor down, it was when you realized you were nearing guyun stone forest. once you all settle near the mountain, kazuha grabs your hand as you two drop down to the land. you make your way to the harbor, seeing that familiar red gate and rich brown bridge. the inazuman stopped his tracks, heading to a different direction. you quickly follow him so you wouldnt get lost- as he leads you to one of his favorite spots. the way there is steep, but it was worth it, you sat down the grass and waited for the lanterns. “you know the lantern we saw earlier at the ship?” nodding, kazuha moves closer to you, taking and holding your hand. “i realized that it was probably from the traveler.” he looks down at your fingers, moving it around before bringing it close to his lips. “how so? the traveler is in inazuma right now, and we saw it coming from liyue’s direction…” kazuha kisses your knuckles one by one, they were soft, you could barely feel the warmth. as if it was ghosting over it. the lanterns slowly set off in the sky, your attention from your lover switched to the bright paper floating. it started with 6 lanterns, then 30, then every single one. it looked like the sunset, pretty and vibrant. “its beautiful as always, just like you.” you fluster at his words, about to speak when the fireworks had interrupted you. “that was, unexpected.” you whisper, he nods and uses his hand to cup your cheeks. “it really is, i dont remember there being fireworks during lantern rite.” he kisses you, on your cheeks then to your lips. your gaze never leaving the show infront of you. hearing the words “i love you” for so many times during the day, you felt as this one was more special than the rest..

[zapsoda]

i think ive had a very different experience with religion compared to other people who went through a similar experience with it to me.

religion and belief fascinate me. in a good way. i support everyones right to their own faith. ive always been forced to see it from somewhat of an outsiders perspective though despite being raised pretty religiously in the deep south.

maybe its because my parents themselves werent very religious, but i was never able to truly believe. it never got through to me. i tried witchcraft and wiccan spirituality when i was over and while i felt i was getting closer to this faith, it still never stuck.

growing up, believing in god was the default.

i had this thing where, based on what other people around me did and how they treated me, i would think that it was actually true of myself. i convinced myself that my favorite color was pink, like it was a rule. everything i owned or wore should have been pink or else something was wrong. whenever asked, i would say my favorite color was pink. not once did i ever really think about whether or not i really liked the color pink. it was just my favorite color and therefore having things in it was good! it made me happy.

in the same way, i thought i believed in god. i didnt think about it much when i was very very little. i went to church. we played games and had snacks and heard bible stories.

when i got a little older things got a little more serious. we learned about the rules to get to heaven. the three things you needed to do, your abcs. and one of them was to believe. to believe that god was real, that jesus was his son, and that jesus died on the cross for our sins. and i thought, well of course i believe this. and for a while, i didnt think about this much more. if i said i believed, it must have been true. why wouldnt it have been true? it was a long while.

looking back, i dont think i ever truly believed. i think it was like the color pink. one had to believe, and so i did.

i remember many anecdotes where i questioned the little things religious teachers and media told me. the story of the rainbow perplexed me. if god made it than why did my teacher say it was made by sunlight shining through rain or something those lines. i didnt understand that what they meant was that god made that the result of sunlight and rain.

another example, i believe this was before the previous one chronologically, i was sitting in class. im not sure what made me think of it but i had the concept of jesus being is ones heart and listening to ones heart, and i didnt get it. i didnt hear anything in there. i didnt feel anything in there. was jesus not in my heart? i decided that he was there and i could feel it despite the evidence otherwise and moved on.

my final example: sitting in the car with my aunt and cousins on my mothers side, who were, in fact, very religious. we were close growing up, and i think they played a significant part in my religious journey. we were listening to some kids christian music album, i remember "big apple" being in the title, and i dont remember how it sounded at all but i do remember it saying, in shockingly literal words, that one should love god more than their parents. this was always implied, of course, god was the most important. but to really hear it spelled out like this shook me to my core. i remember hearing it and looking at my aunt thinking, could she really believe this? i waited for her to tell us that it was wrong. i dont remember if this really happened or not but i have this vision in my head of my cousins asking her about it and her affirming that it was true.

i didnt think i could love god more than my parents. i didnt put this into words at the time but god felt so far away from me, compared to my parents who felt so real. my parents raised me, loved me, and cared for me. god was this far off being, who i was told was all knowing, all powerful, and all loving, impossible to comprehend for a kid my age.

i found out my parents werent religious when i came home from sunday school the day i learned about the abcs and i, of course, had to make sure my parents had done those things so that they could go to heaven.

my dad said he wasnt interested. he was an atheist, and wasnt interested in being converted. my mother said she was more agnostic but that she had probably done those things earlier in her life when she was religious. and naturally, this horrified me.

i didnt want to go to heaven without my parents. i used to kiss all of my stuffed animals goodnight before bed so that they knew i loved them. if i ever forgot to say "goodnight, i love you, sleep well" to my parents before bed i would whisper it in the dark with tears streaming down my cheeks, hoping that they would know on the off chance that they died in their sleep last night. i didnt want to go to heaven without my parents.

of course, this all culminated in me "officially" losing my religion. soon after that incident, i decided that if my parents werent to believe, i wouldnt either. it was as simple as that. it was as simple to "not believe" as it was for me to "believe" in the first place. like turning off a light switch.

of course it wasnt so easy for me being in the deep south with such a religious family. it was hard and the thought of religion still distressed me. it was scary not being able to say "oh yeah i believe that" anymore. i dont even remember when i stopped going to church. its harder to remember the things i didnt do. i do remember one kid who went to my church asking me why i stopped going.

in an event that i feel permanently scarred the relationship between me and my cousin, as we had always been very close, he had initially put on some christian song while we were hanging out. it was by owl city. i didnt like it and i expressed that to him. he said oh you dont like this song? well its about god, so youre saying you dont like god? he had caught me in his elementary school logic. i was done for. i got upset and defensive and ran to another room, locked the door, and hid until, if i remember correctly, he and his family left. we never spoke of this again.

in a more positive experience of "coming out" as an atheist, i told my best friend at the time, and for a while she chanted "[my name]s going to die" in a lighthearted tone which was a little annoying but didnt really bother me, surprisingly, and then she moved on and our relationship remained the same until the last time i saw her.

later on in life, though still at an extremely young age to be doing this, i discovered feminism, politics, and youtube atheism. i realized i was "gay," began experiencing gender dysphoria and anxiety, and i became a massive nihilist. the middle two were unrelated to the politics and youtube atheism or skepticism. i was anti-religion and i was angry. i was upset at how id been raised, the beliefs many people around me almost certainly held, the idea that they would stop loving me had they known certain things about me, and all of the pain and confusion it had caused me at an even younger age. my anxiety around being preached to existed ever since my initial realization, and this staunch disliking lessened it. there were other people like me.

i dont believe that anymore of course. long since, ive realized that religion is not inherently evil, nor those who engage with it, and that, in fact, religion can bring good and helps a lot of people. i think everyone has the right to believe whatever they want so long as it doesnt harm anyone.

this brings me to my point about being fascinated with religion a. its something that has been a massive presence throughout time, across societies. my anxiety around religion has almost entirely dissipated by this point in my life, and now i kind of want to know. how do they do it? how are people able to believe in a higher power, or force, or presence? how does it feel? ive long since concluded that im not capable of it, trying many times with different spiritualities to really connect but i feel so much like an outsider no matter what. im almost jealous of even those who no longer believe but once did. its not something that eats me up inside, and i dont even think about it, but still i wonder. maybe thats something ill never get to experience. realistically, maybe im glad its not. nonetheless, i have massive respect for those who do and can. thank you.

[jeo9n]

Majesty Pt 7 || JJK

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre : Slow burn,Angst,fluff,virgin reader,King JK,futur smut.

Warnings : jungkook and y/n get in a little fight.

Wordcount : 4.8k

previous | next

You woke up the next day in the same position you fell asleep in. It was honestly really comfortable, cuddling with him like this, you didn’t want to get up. But you had to pee really bad, so you slowly started to remove his arms from your waist, hoping he doesn’t wake up.

You sat up once your were free from his grasp, removing the blanket from your legs and slowly getting out of bed. Both of your feet were already touching the carpet when you tried to get up. "Where are you going?" The King asked you in his raspy morning voice, while grabbing your wrist.

He looked so cute like this. Sleepy eyes, his hair all over the place, with a slightly puffy face. He had a small pout on his lips as he looked at you. You wanted to kiss the pout of off his face.

Wait! What’s wrong with you, why are you thinking like this, Y/n.

He squeezed your wrist, interrupting your thoughts. Catching you staring at him. "Uh I have to use to toilet." You answer awkwardly, cheeks turning red. He smirked, letting go of your wrist.

"Alright."

You quickly went to the bathroom. Getting yourself ready for the day and got dressed. Deciding for a light pink dress for today.

As you headed back in the bedroom, the King was sitting at the end of the bed, already dressed and looking at you. You walked past him to get to your side of the bed, to quickly tidy it up a bit. But he stopped you before you even gotten the chance to walk past him, he grabbed your hand on pulled you towards him, making you gasp. You were standing in front of him awkwardly. "What are your plans for today?" He asked you, putting his hands your hips and pulling you even closer so you would stand in between his legs.

"I don’t have any plans for today, your highness." You tell him, picking at your nails nervously. You could feel the heat of his palms burning trough your dress, making your head spin.

He looks up at you, removing his hands from your hips and putting them on your hands instead. "Spend some time with me today." He says, caressing your hands softly.

"Okay." You nod. Spending some time with him again might won’t be that bad. I mean, he’s your husband. You should spend time with him, right?

You were on walk trough the castle with the King. He showed you all kinds of rooms that the castle had to offer, but one stood out to you the most. It was the library. You always loved books. They made you feel safe, they made you feel like you could escape reality, even just for a short while.

So, that’s where you found both of you right now. You’re walking around, admiring all the beautiful and old books that were standing on the dark wood shelves. The library was huge, you’ve never seen a library this big. You loved it here. The King was standing behind you, just looking at you, loving the way your face lights up whenever you see a book you like.

"You love it here, don’t you?" He asks you with smile on his face, leaning against one of the tables that stand in the middle of the room, with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Yes!" You turn around quickly with a big smile on your face. Before turning around again to look at the shelves full of books once again. "You should’ve showed me this place sooner." You say, making him laugh. "I would’ve, if I knew you loved books this much." He answers, walking towards you.

You can feel the warmth of his body against your back. You turn around, already knowing he’s standing behind you. "I can’t believe you’ve kept this beautiful place hidden from me - what else do you keep hidden from me, your highness?" You tell him jokingly.

He laughs, showing you his cute bunny smile that you haven’t seen before. He looks cute this way, nose scrunching up while he laughs, showing you his beautiful smile. You feel your heart beating faster at the sight.

"Nothing." He says as he stopped laughing. "Come on, let’s sit down for a bit." Grabbing your hand, and leading you both to one of the tables.

You both sit down. The King sitting in front of you, never looking away from you. You can feel your cheeks staring to blush, so you look away. You can’t handle eye contact very well.

"You know." He starts, making you look back at him again. "Back at the competition, you said you’ve never been with a man before, right?" He asks you and you nod. "What do you mean by that?" He asks you once again. You look away again.

He knows exactly what that means, judging by look on his face. "I think.. you know what that means, your highness." You tell him, without looking at him.

"No, I don’t. Tell me, Y/n, tell me what you mean." He tells you with a smirk on his face.

You bite your lip nervously. You don’t know how you should tell him. I mean, this is nothing to be ashamed of, don’t get me wrong. But he obviously knows, so why is he asking you to explain? "It means," you huff. "It means that I’ve never done something with a man, your highness. The only thing I’ve ever done, was holding hands with a boy once! And that was when I was like 5 or something." You tell him, avoiding eye contact once again.

"Not even Kissing?" He asks you and you shake your head. "How come?"

This time you look at him. "Ive always wanted my first kiss to be with someone I love. Not with just anyone." You shrug. "A kiss for me is more than just kissing, it’s being intimate with another person, it’s sharing your feelings for one another. Sharing it with just anyone wouldn’t be as special as with the person you love, you know?"

He nods. "Would you kiss me?" He asks, tilting his head to the side.

Your eyes widen. Your face suddenly turning red. "Uh I don’t know." You laugh awkwardly.

"Have you ever had any sexual thoughts before?" He asks you suddenly with a serious face. Completely ignoring his other question. "I mean, your not a little girl anymore. You had to have some thoughts about sex at one point." If your face was red before that, than your face must be on fire right now. His question startled you, not expecting him to ask you something like this.

Of course you thought about sex before, everyone does. That was a stupid question.

But why is he suddenly asking you all of this.

"Uh, yeah... sometimes. But don’t worry! Im not a pervert or something." You chuckle awkwardly. Embarrassed that you even told him this. He looks you straight in the eyes, his eyes holding something you cannot read.

He smirks at you once again. "Oh, I’m sure you’re not the perverted one here, Y/n." You furrow your eyebrows at that, not knowing what he means. "Have you ever touched yourself before?" He continues.

You almost choke on your own spit. You weren’t expecting him to ask you someone like this - Why does he keep asking you all these sexual questions? You really don’t want to answer this question. You try to come up with something different, to ask him something different instead. But you see that he’s still waiting for your answer, arching his perfect eyebrow at you. "Have you?" He asks again.

"Uh- I... i haven’t, your highness." Lying him straight in the face. You have touched yourself before, yes. But that’s something you don’t like to talk about, you never talked with anyone about this kind of stuff. That’s something too intimate for you. You’re sure he wouldn’t want to talk about wether he touches himself or not either.

He hums, obviously not believing your lie. "Does that bother you, your highness? That i don’t have any experiences?" You ask him worriedly. Your question makes him furrow his eyebrows at you. "Why would that bother me? Because your a virgin?" He shakes his head. "I like that you’re a virgin - I like that you’re untouched, Y/n. I like it more than I like to admit." He tells you, seeing something shift in his eyes again.

His words Relief you. You thought, maybe he wanted a experienced girl, someone that knows what to do in bed. But he chose you. So, it clearly doesn’t bother him. "Okay."

"Do you have any questions for me?" He asks you this time. You don’t really have any questions to ask him right now - no, wait! You do.

"I noticed that your parents weren’t at our wedding, were they busy?" You ask. You wanted to ask him this right after the wedding, but you forgot about it.

"Ah no, they weren’t busy, Y/n. They’re dead." He says, looking at you. You feel your heart shutter at his words. You did not know this! If you knew, then you wouldn’t have brought this up. "My parents died in an accident when I was very young."

This breaks your heart. You feel so sorry for him, knowing that he lost his parents at a young age. That must’ve been so hard for him. You wouldn’t know what you would do if you lost your mother, and he lost both of his parents at once, that’s so sad. "I am so sorry for you loss, your highness! I shouldn’t have brought this up. Please forgive me." You quickly apologize.

"It’s okay. It’s not your fault, You don’t have to apologize." He tells you honestly, which makes you relax. "Also, stop calling me your highness. We’re married, Y/n. You don’t have to keep calling me that."

"Oh, then what should I call you?" You ask him.

"Jungkook, You can call me Jungkook. Or what ever you prefer." He says, while reaching out and grabbing your hand. "What I prefer? What would you like me, to call you?" You ask him as he caresses your hand.

He grabs your hand a little tighter, making you look down at both of your hands. "We’ll talk about another time." He smirks. "For now, you can call me Jungkook."

You smile. "Okay... Jungkook." You tell him, and he smiles back at you, showing his pretty bunny smile again.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

It’s been a few days since the day at the library. Ever since then, Jungkook has been really nice to you. Always asking how your day was, if you ate enough or if you got enough sleep. He also tries to spend as much time with you as possible whenever he wasn’t busy.

Right now your having breakfast with him. Maria baked some delicious food for you both to eat. You were eating your food slowly, trying t enjoy the food as much as you can. Jungkook seemed to be in a hurry tho. He ate his food quite fast, you were scared he was going to choke on it. "Slow down. Why are you eating so fast?"

His fork was inches away from his opened mouth, about to shove his last piece of food into it. But he stopped, once he heard you speak. He removed the fork from his mouth and looked at you. "I need to hurry up. I have some important things to do today!" He tells, shoving his fork right into his mouth.

His cheeks were stuffed with food. The sight reminded you of a bunny once again, cute. His wide doe eyes sparkled under the chandelier that was hanging above you two. He looked so innocent, he looked like an eager child that tried to eat all their candy before they get caught by their mother, not like a King.

"What kind of important things?" You ask him, putting down your glass of orange juice.

"I have to get some things done, things that I should’ve done a lot sooner." He answers you, while he wipes his mouth with a napkin.

"Oh, okay." You murmur. "Can I come with you? - You said I wasn’t allowed to leave the castle alone again. And... I don’t really have anything to do here. Can I please come along with you?" You ask carefully. He shakes his head right away before he speaks up. "No. Those are things that I have to do alone!"

You huff, letting your shoulders fall. Disappointed with his answers. "But why? I’m fine with just coming along. I won’t talk, I promise! I won’t do anything to bother you. Please let me come with you. Im so bored here all the time." You pout, and he smiles at your reaction. "No, Y/n. You stay home! I’m sure you wouldn’t want to see those things that are gonna happen today."

His answer confuses you. It’s just work. What does he mean you don’t want to see it? "What do you mean?" You ask him, confused look on your face.

He looks at you amused. Not understand why you want to come along so bad. "Hmm how should I explain." He says, tapping his finger against his chin. "These things... they’re a little dangerous, you see. I don’t want my beautiful wife to get hurt during those things. That’s why you should stay home!" He explains to you, saying those last words a little more clearer. But your still confused. But you don’t question him any further, accepting that he doesn’t want you there with him.

"I understand." You nodd. "I’m sorry for asking, your highness." He raises his eyebrows at you. "Hey! I told you to stop calling me that." He tells you in a serious tone, but still having a smile on his lips.

"Right! Im sorry, Jungkook." You laugh.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Jungkook left for work 30 minutes after you both were done with breakfast. He said, he wouldn’t be out for long, telling you not to miss him too much when he left. You rolled your eyes at, which earned you a laugh from him.

You literally had nothing to do today. You were in your room most of the time, waiting for Jungkook to come home. You even took a nap, hoping the time would go by faster. But he still wasn’t home when you woke up. You decided to get out of bed, not wanting to fall asleep again. You walked towards the library, wanting to read a book that you saw there a few days ago, when you were in there with Jungkook. But you found out the doors were locked when you tried to open them. Weird.

Since the library was locked, you decided to walk down, smelling something delicious coming from the kitchen. "What Are you cooking?" You asked Maria when you reached the kitchen. She jumped a little when she heard you coming from behind her. "Dear, you almost gave me a heart attack." She says, rubbing her hand over her chest.

You felt sorry, it wasn’t your intention to startle her. But you couldn’t help a little laugh to come out of your mouth. "I’m sorry, Maria. I thought you heard me coming down." You laugh, giving her a small hug to apologize. She glanced at you jokingly. "I didn’t. I was focused on cooking, my dear." She explains. "But, to answer your question. Im cooking kimchi stew, it’s the King’s favorite." She says with a smile on her face, showing you the food she just made.

Your mouth started to water, once she took the lid off the pot. It looked as amazing as it smelled. It probably tasted amazing as well. "That looks so good!" You tell her, before she quickly put the lid back on. "Does that mean the King will be home soon? I mean, since your preparing the food already."

She looks at you and smiles, nodding her head. "Yes! He should be home soon - Why? Are you missing him already?" She jokes, and you laugh, shaking your head at her. "No, it’s not that. It’s just really boring without him here." You quickly explain. "Doesn’t it ever get boring for you?"

She points her finger at her chest. "For me? No, no. I have a lot of stuff to do everyday. It never gets boring for me. If it ever gets boring for me, it just means I’m doing my job right." She shrugs. She’s right. Of course it doesn’t get boring for her. If you worked here, it probably wouldn’t get boring for you either.

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You went out into garden, wanting to get some fresh air to wake you up a bit, since you were still a little tired from your nap. You sat on the bench, the one were you had to sleep on a few weeks ago.

You were enjoying slight breeze against your skin, while the sun was shining down on you. A perfect mixture of both, hot and cold. You heard some rustling behind you, making you turn your head around to look where it came from. Your eyes scanned around the garden, before they landed on a bush. There you saw some movement, and then the rustling. You got from the bench and walked towards it, curious about what could be hiding in the bush. Crouching down, once you were in front of it. You reached out your hand to push back back the branches that were blocking your sight. The movement stopped right always, once you touched one of the branches. Whatever it was, probably scared of you. You kept pushing back a few branches, until you found what you were looking for.

There was a small grey bunny with floppy ears, in a corner far away from you, hiding from you. You gasped in excitement, you weren’t expecting it to be a bunny. It looked so cute, so small with its floppy ears that were a little too big for their head. You reached out your hands trying to pick the bunny up. But it pushed itself deeper in the corner once you did. Poor bunny, it was probably scared to death. You didn’t want to harm it. You reached out your hands again, trying to pick it up before it could run away from you.

You tried to comfort the bunny, once it was in your arms. Patting it, trying to calm it down. You could feel their heart beating really fast, you felt sorry. You didn’t want to scare it. The bunny looked really small, it was probably still a baby. You wonder how it got here. It should be with their mother, not alone in some garden.

You walked back inside with the bunny still in your arms, not wanting to let it down so it could run away again. You grabbed some carrots and some water for it, once you were inside. You went to your room to feed the bunny, without having to fear it will run away from you. You put the bunny down and held the carrot out for it, checking if it was hungry. The bunny took a few sniffs of the carrot immediately started eating away. "Aw poor you. You were probably looking for something to eat." You say when you saw how eagerly it ate. It almost ate the whole thing, before finally taking a sip of the water you had put into a bowl for it.

You suddenly panicked. Not wanting the bunny to pee or poo on the carpet. Not wanting to get in trouble with Jungkook. You quickly took it and brought it to the bathroom. It wouldn’t be too bad if he peed on the tiles, you could clean those easier. You left the bunny alone for a bit, to get some more carrots and other vegetables for it.

You noticed Jungkook was already home when you walked down the stairs. You did not hear him coming home. Probably because you were too focused on the bunny.

"Hi." He greeted you when you got to the last steps of the stairs. He looked exhausted and out of breath. "Hey!" You greeted him back. "Did you run all the way home, or why are you so out of breath?"

He shakes his head and let’s out a little chuckle. "No. I just brought something heavy up here, that’s why I’m out of breath." He explains himself.

"Okay. Where is it?" You ask him, and he looks at you confused. "The thing that you brought up here." You say. His eyebrows are furrowed, before understanding what you mean. "Ah, I’ll show you later. Let’s have dinner first." He says, grabbing your hand and leading you to the dining room.

I guess the bunny has to wait for his food a little bit.

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After dinner, you were curious about what the King would show you.

You were both walking down a hallway one that you haven’t seen before, one that you didn’t even know existed. It was a little darker than the other ones in the castle, but it didn’t look too different. You stopped in front of an old heavy looking door. Jungkook took the keys, that he was holding in his left hand to his right. Looking trough the many keys before eventually finding the one he was looking for. He pushed the key and unlocked it. Turning his head to look at you once again before opening it. A strange smile on his face.

He opened the door, and you were immediately met with coldness. Pure coldness, it made you shiver instantly. They were stairs that led you down. You saw nothing but darkness. You looked at him confusingly. "What is this, Jungkook?" You ask him a little worried.

He smirks. "You’ll see." Was all he said. Before he started waking down. Dragging you with him. Nothing was heard expect for Jungkook‘s your yours footsteps. That’s how quiet it was down there. It got colder and colder, as you got deeper down. You saw some light, once you were all the way down. Illuminating the dungeon just a little bit. You heard some whining and grunts coming from somewhere. You were about to ask Jungkook what was going on, but he dragged you somewhere before you had the chance to. You stopped, once you reached what Jungkook wanted to show you. You looked around you, trying to see what this place was. And your eyes widened at what you saw in front of you. You saw cells all around you, most of them had people in them, only a few of them being empty. The people in the cells were mostly man. They had no clothes on expect for their underwear, they looked like they hadn’t eaten or slept in days. Their skin was pale, dirty and full of bruises. Their bones were showing. They had no food or water, neither had they a blanket or a bed to warm them. Most of them were laying down, sitting, or either hugging themselves, trying to give themselves some warmth.

You were shocked. You would’ve never expected a place like this in to exist in the castle. Right under you, right under where you lived, right under where you lived happily. You couldn’t believe this. You had expected anything, but not this! Your body starts to shake, either from the cold or from what your seeing in front of you. How could someone to this? This is horrible. "Y/n, look." Jungkook shakes your hand, interrupts your thoughts. You turn your head to look away from these poor people, instead you look at jungkook in shock. "Look who we have here." He tells you, evil smirk on his face. Pointing towards two another’s cells.

You gasp and your eyes widen even more, if that’s even possible. Right in front of you are two man you recognize immediately. How could you not? These two were people you grew up with. They were around you all the time. They even were your neighbors once. "Jungkook, what is this? What is going on?" You ask him in a shaky voice, trying to take your hand out of his grasp, but instead he grabs your hand tighter and pulls you closer to him. "Those are the two man that touched you without consent,right?" He asks you, not taking his eyes off of them.

How did he find them? You never told him their names. "Yes. But why are they here? Let them go!" You tell him, hearing them whine in pain. "I told you not to worry about it! Why did you bring them here?" And he laughs, he actually laughs at you. You furrow your brows, not finding this funny at all! "What? Did you really think I would just forget about it? Forget what you told me about them? Forget what they did to you?" He says, almost yelling at you. "These man deserve nothing but punishment, Y/n! Why did you try protect them? Huh?" He ask you, now looking at you. "I will personally make sure, that they will never touch another woman against her will again! Never!" He yells angrily.

You jump at his tone, not expecting him lash out like this. You take your hand away this time, surprising both you, and him at your strength. "How did you find them? I never told you their names?" You ask him, raising your voice. He has the audacity to laugh again. "Y/n, I’m the King. It’s not hard for me to find out who you were talking about, it wasn’t hard to find them at all." You cannot believe this. Yes, these man touched your without your consent, but what gives him the right to punish them for it? It should’ve been you, not him!

You take one last look at them, before you walk away. You were so mad at him. You did not want to see his face anymore.

Jungkook called out for you but you didn’t care. You quickly walked out of the dungeon, leaving him down there alone.

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You quickly went back to your bedroom. After grabbing some vegetables, remembering why you came down in the first place.

You immediately went to the bathroom when you got back to your bedroom, checking on the bunny right away. You saw that it had peed a little so you quickly clean that up. After that you gave it the veggies that you had grabbed and sat down next to him. You were still in shock at what you saw a few minutes ago. Never in your life would you have thought, that the King would so something like this. Having people down there and torturing them. How is that even allowed? And your still mad at him for getting those man and locking them up down there. You two got along so well these last few days, and he had to fuck it up. And the fact that he looked so proud when he showed them to you, makes even more mad. What did he even think was going to happen, did he think you would jump in his arms and thank him? For that? Ugh you can’t believe him.

You heard him entering the room, calling out for you. You got up and the left the bunny behind, you hope he doesn’t freak out when he sees it. You opened the bathroom door, and there he was, sitting on the bed. Probably already knowing that you were in the bathroom. "Are you serious, why did you leave?" He asks you, when you got out of the bathroom and closing the door behind you. "Are you not even going to thank me, for what I’ve done for you?" Omg you can’t believe him!

You furrow your eyebrows at him. "Are you serious, Jungkook?" You say pointing at him, voice irritated. "I should thank you? For torturing someone?- I did not tell you their names for a reason! If I wanted you know their names, then I would’ve told you!" You tell him, walking towards your side of the bed. "You better let them go."

And he laughs again. His stupid laugh, it’s starting to annoy you. "Let them go? Oh, baby I will. But let me have some fun with them first." He says, the pet name throwing you off guard.

"Ugh I don’t wanna talk with you anymore." You say, rolling your eyes and getting into bed. Just wanting to fall asleep so the day could end. "Are you serious?" He asks you, but you don’t answer him. Instead you turn around and close your eyes. You hear him letting out a annoyed chuckle, before he starts to undress. Judging by the sounds of it. A few minutes later you feel the bed dip behind you, before he lays down.

You two did not cuddle that night.

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