#ive been taking them every day like a good cow

[mooifyourecows]

Got a cardiologist appointment today 🥲 hope I get a good grade in high blood pressure

[hedgehog-moss]

Last Sunday in October, a story in five parts :)

i. The guy who owns the pasture next to mine took his cows back to their winter lodgings the other day, and told me I could let my llamas eat what was left of the grass if I wanted. That was sweet of him but his pasture's fence is cow-proof, not llama-proof, so I had to wait for a sunny day, so I could sit with a book nearby and keep an eye on the llamas Pampe. Today was the day!

Pampy looked happy about this unexpected change of scenery and started grazing peacefully, meanwhile Pampe started with exploring the whole pasture, including the patch of woods at the back, hoping to find a flaw in the fence.

(Note Poldine below, desperately running after her mum so she won't be left behind if Pampe does find an opportunity to escape)

ii. I found some impressive coulemelles in this new pasture (I don't know any mushroom names in English sorry.) I cut one to take to the pharmacy and ask if they're the good kind (here with my hand for scale)

They're also known as nez de chat, cat's nose mushrooms, in some regions...

I found some girolles nearby last year, but not this time. The llamas seemed to be on their best behaviour so I thought after lunch I'd go look for mushrooms farther away in the woods, down by the torrent, instead of watching them all day.

Poldine, watch your mother.

I asked Merricat if she was volunteering her services as a llama-sitter (it looked like it)

—but she suspected I was going home where the fire is, so she followed me. (I don't make a fire on sunny afternoons, though... she had to nap in my cardigan instead. Not as good, but a tolerated second-best option.)

iii. I took Pan with me after lunch so he wouldn't encourage Pampe in mischief, and he was uncharacteristically audacious in his frolicking! He doesn't like water and he's usually quite prudent when we're near the torrent, even scolding me if I climb on mossy rocks, but today he was jumping from one slippery rock to the other very boldly.

As I was taking this nice waterfall photo, I heard a very dramatic high-pitched squeal followed by a dramatic splashing sound, and when I turned around Pandolf was dragging himself out of the torrent, looking, as we say in french, honteux et confus.

I'm sorry that his bout of audacious frolicking had to end this way :( Back to frolicking gingerly for at least a couple of years... (His fur is magical though, he looks like a drowned rat at first but then shakes himself twice and is immediately back to a normal volume of floof. So his dignity doesn't suffer for long, at least.)

iv. I found no mushrooms but something even better!

I love chestnuts so much, I've been hoping to find chestnut trees for years but was starting to think they just don't grow at this altitude... But I suck at identifying trees so it's very possible I walked past them dozens of times and never recognised them when it wasn't chestnut season.

You really have to earn every chestnut, even with the crushing-under-your-boot method to squeeze them out you still have to extricate them from their burr going ow ow ow the whole time. The worst thing is when you kill your fingers opening a reticent burr and it resentfully spits out a bunch of sad deflated worthless chestnuts.

Still, I ended up going home with chestnuts in every single one of my pockets. When we got out of the woods and back on the road Pandolf and I ran into a woman we don't know (so, not a close neighbour) and we started talking about foraging and I wondered if I should tell her about the nearby chestnut spot. But those things are private. No one told me about the chestnut spot even after I made increasingly heavy casual hints about how much I love chestnuts. After a while though I started suspecting this lady knew about the spot and was on her way there. Or on her way back, through a different path. She looked shifty. So did I. It's very possible that we were both standing there in the middle of the road with our coat pockets crammed with chestnuts, making pointedly non-chestnut-related small talk.

v. I went home and started making chestnut-pumpkin soup while dodging constant coordinated chicken attacks. At first they act like they're napping on a conveniently-nearby chair, or looking the other way, and as soon as you stop distrusting their intentions, they pounce, often from two different directions.

Side plot: Pandolf spent this whole time desperately trying to catch a cat, to restore his self-confidence after falling in the torrent.

Morille went from strolling casually on top of the fence to lounging casually in the hazel tree above my head, making it look like she hadn't even noticed she was being chased, which was very frustrating for Pandolf. Nothing wounds a dog like going unnoticed.

I told Morille it would make him happy if she let him catch her, and she was like eh, fine, and elegantly jumped from the hazel tree to the top of the stone wall.

Pandolf immediately followed, poked her a bit brutally with his big nose, and then he didn't know what else to do with her once he caught her so he just wagged his tail like "Well played, cat!! It was nice chasing you" and left.

v. bis (or ter) I want to reassure Pirlouit fans (who might have noticed that he wasn't allowed to graze in the neighbour's pasture with the llamas) that he knows he's entitled to fair compensation as a donkey, and he stood behind the fence the whole time I was preparing my soup, patiently waiting for his pumpkin benefits. Which he did get.

I found some leftover chestnuts in my trouser pocket tonight, that I'd forgotten about, so I'm having stove-roasted chestnuts for dessert after the chestnut soup! Chestnuts were 90% of my dinner and were also the reason Pandolf got dinner. I ran out of dog kibble and I was thinking of giving him a hard-boiled egg and some rice tonight, and go buy kibble tomorrow, but on our way back this afternoon we stopped by our closest neighbour's house and I humbly offered a handful of chestnuts in exchange for one serving of kibble. The neighbour's dog didn't look enchanted with our offer but his human agreed. I usually trade with my chicken's eggs but this woman has hens so I'm glad chestnuts are also accepted as valid currency.

[legally-allowed-to-slime]

I think gem's just reacting to pearl the same way pearl reacts to scott/cleo. Pearl doesnt trust scott / cleo at all (for good reasons!) and brings up previous seasons around the same amount as they do to her. Gem, likewise, was betrayed by Pearl during SL from a very pivotal moment that has constantly haunted her since (the 2v1 constantly hangs around her lol) and now holds a bit of a grudge towards her. while pearl has only ever done this once to gem, it was also gem's Only season and also is probably her biggest betrayal. however, yes, pearl does not realize how far this grudge goes and to her, gem is still her ride or die. This unfortunately leads her to choose gem for the poison wall bit which only cements the idea in gem's head that she Cannot trust pearl (and also misunderstands pearl's "everyone else is my ally"). gem also does constantly say that people are antagonizing her, which i think is also a remnant from SL where she thinks people coming over to their base is equivalent to an attack (which it isnt, but she's just being paranoid). (also for the skin discussion, i think people's reactions to her skin being red is valid. to everyone else, the last time pearl did something like that it was just to mess with people and be a menace. so even to gem, seeing the red on her is a big warning sign that things might get dangerous around her. of course, to pearl, its just a transition and a really cool concept! ) as for why she's favoring scott, well he's scott and he's good at pandering to people. in session 1 he's the one that defended joel and gem and reinforced that they were not the ones to steal impulse's cows. because impulse kept pushing it, gem got even more frustrated and put impulse on her hit list. for session 2 he just happened to walk by as pearl left and simply nodded along to what gem was ranting about (i also dont think he said anything relevant here to poison the waters between them. if anything, he's Also a bit confused as to why gem's so mad at pearl because he knows theyre supposed to be close, and just took it in stride).

now for the twitter interactions, pearl is basically signaling that she's going to ally with impulse above all. being number 1 on gem's hit list (especially since he came back in session 2 to steal things), they're both now equally terrible in her eyes. anyway thats how ive been interpreting things at least!! its very interesting reading everyone's opinions on this. i think everyone's reacting in a pretty valid way if you're standing in their shoes and forget the little aspects that we know from watching multiple povs

oh wow it’s rare that i get an anon that i 100% agree with, but i think you said everything so much better than i could have (not a dig at other anons i love every single ask i get and in fact if i could just get one anon disagreeing with me on everything it would make my day)

let me be clear, i can entirely understand why gem did what she did. i don’t want it to seem like i’m hating on her excessively, especially when she’s in my top 2 (top 1 if pearl hasn’t uploaded in two weeks). i absolutely agree with the gem/pearl and pearl/scott+cleo parallels, with scott+cleo not taking double life seriously and pearl regarding SL as irrelevant when gem is hurt by it. something something her own feelings over betrayal are dismissed in her own alliance so she finds it fair to ignore gem’s

and you’re very right for the bit about gem not understanding pearl’s harmless intentions. she’s very paranoid for whatever reason, when everyone’s been nice to her except for impulse, who is having a terrible horrible no good very bad day. she tells joel they have a target on their backs but afaik no one has been nasty to them. BUT this also makes sense, because in SL she was explicitly targeted for being too powerful (eg grian’s TNT ambush), so her paranoia is understandable.

as for pearl, she is loyal to a fault, including to gem. in SL gem kills her twice and pearl barely minds, so there was the faulty assumption that this time, the cobblestone wall isn’t enough to make gem distrust her, because if gem had done the same to her she wouldn’t have cared. again, pearl having extraordinarily high tolerance for her allies but not realising that, obviously, it would not be reciprocated. unfortunate clash of girl with high standards (gem) and girl with no standards (pearl)

red skin thing is just your stereotypical misunderstanding. pearl literally gets cut off before she can explain to gem what it actually means, so gem thinks that pearl decided to go half-crazy unprovoked, when that’s not the truth. so. if they could just talk 1 on 1 and not get interrupted by three other people in the span of twenty seconds that would be great (for me. not for either of them probably seeing the train wreck they are now). but i did think the reason for the red skin thing was an unusually sensible decision for traffic!pearl, considering she throws on the red skin for lesser things. so. just really bad luck that scott started talking there, no one could possibly be at fault for that

as for scott. well. scott. i guess i misspoke there because i’ve gotten like three asks and five tags pinpointing that bit. ok, yeah, gem was already mad at pearl, but like i said, scott reinforcing this belief and making it into an objective fact and not personal grudges is pretty significant to me.

but anon you’re so correct for saying that scott knows how to pander to people. that’s the word for it. he constantly brags about how good he is at making friends, but well! if you’re making friends solely to have more strategic power then that’s not really sincere is it. but he’s good at putting on this inoffensive, just charismatic enough persona to slip under the radar and end up on the side of general approval. to say what people want to hear, basically

and i might be hallucinating but he also becomes much friendlier to gem after he realises that she isn’t weird about pearl anymore. remember, he views her and pearl’s alliance in SL as a near betrayal — so from his pov, gem has had character growth and become a Good Ally TM, and not “rogue” like jimmy or pearl. and it’s always about perspectives. scott is acting perfectly normally from his own pov, and since he wasn’t there for what actually happened. so if gem comes up to him and complains about pearl, an ally he already has tensions with, he’s going to think that pearl must have done something to deserve it. and is he wrong? no. any other person in his position would think that too

also omg the twitter thing makes perfect sense now. pearl aligns herself with impulse, and impulse is gem’s no. 1 enemy, so pearl is now gem’s no. 2 enemy. that sucks for pearl because at the rate impulse is going he’s going to be an outcast in 2 sessions, and with pearl’s already shaky reputation, allying with someone who would be rightfully ostracised, and doesn’t seem to have much morals at all (i fully support him for that btw), is not going to help her image, or her relationship with scott/cleo/gem/rest of the server. gritting my teeth like yes i do want her to be happy but she can’t even act unhinged because all of her exes will pounce on that. she hasn’t even acted unhinged and they’re already saying she is. like oh man just wait

uhh but yeah. toxic yuri for gempearl at least pearl’s kinda happy with impulse?? i guess?? i’m so embarrassed i didn’t even consider that gem would remember the SL betrayal but breakup in ep 2 goes hard. alexa play i love you i’m sorry

ETA: also not sure how to feel about pearl being a legitimate underdog this time. gem and joel are both a powerful and popular alliance, and i don’t think pearl realises that it’s really really bad if she allies with their enemy. but she doesn’t really care about placing high anyway so shrug emoji?

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

[strangerhands]

10 fandoms/10 characters/10 tags

waaaaaa omg thank you for the tag em 🫶 @runa-falls!! its been 800 years since i got to do a tag game (and make my own post for once..) so thanks! this actually made me happy but also a little "oh shit. people know i exist..?" i also made this post unnecessarily long but its me so whats new

ummm its all. only. oscar. not sorry (a little sorry)

1. marc spector + steven grant + jake lockley, moon knight-my absolute beloveds. moon knight is so special to me. the boys are so special to me. theres really nowhere near enough i could say here about them but if you get it, you get it. its also what got me into oscar (even though i discovered immediately that he was in annihilation and x-men: apocalypse WHICH I WATCHED YEARS AGO GODDAMMIT)

2. robbie paulson, law and order: criminal intent-listen. hes my girlfriend. my babygirl. my love. my sweet boy. the one plaguing damn near every Thot. most niche character here. wish he was real. wish there was more content of him out there but good god if fran (@/midgardian-witch, who also made that gif) hasnt been holding it downnnnnnn. bless.

3. poe dameron, star wars sequel trilogy-beautiful brave sweet husband who would maybe drive me a bit insane irl but in a good way (mostly) i wanna protect him. (also the only star wars films ive seen sorryyyyy sorry. yes it was for him. and adam driver.)

4. miguel o'hara, spider-man: into the spider-verse + spider-man: across the spider-verse-ohhh you beeg grumpy beautiful man. he would not like me. bite me pls (also still my two favourite movies oat.) craving some milk and cake suddenly... (his hair wings..<3)

5. cecil dennis, revenge for jolly!-pathetic little dirty alley cat man my beloved. my little princess. also my babygirl girlfriend little guy loser boy. (AND THE CURLSSSSSSS. AND SAD COW EYES.)

6. nathan bateman, ex machina-asshole who i unfortunately love. we would not get along irl but thats what fics are for!!!! he would make me cry. (but what if i could fix him..) i have a soft spot for him...

7. llewyn davis, inside llewyn davis-sad beautiful talented man. you can crash at my place any day. i would let him leech off of me idec lemme help you baby. i could show you what love is. (the curls and outfits...... i Crave.)

8. santiago garcia, triple frontier-woof. this guy. damn. yeah. sorry santi but i wanna bite your knees

9. blue jones, sucker punch-literally. asshole piece of shit but good god. whore. so slutty and beautiful and PATHETIC. i would let him be mean to me and then cry in private. but also put him in his place. its complicated. (whoever did his eyeliner and club wardrobe in that movie... i owe you my life. thank you. thank you. you deserve everything. thank you.)

10. mikael boghosian, the promise-oh. sweet beautiful intimate lover man. THAT scene... absolutely killed me. THAT SHOULDVE BEEN MEEEEE. i need him. (i am taking this moment to remind yall of the titty bite. yea. not sorry. youre welcome.)

honestly i couldve put nearly all of oscars characters but alas.

no pressure tags, hope none of you mind! i know this is very sudden and unexpected from me. only tagged some mutuals so its not 10 :p sorryy (sorry if youve been tagged already)

@my-secret-shame @saturn-rings-writes @spacecowboyhotch @villainsoftheweek @f4nrir @kouichijo @mugensword

again, no pressure to do this. hope everyone tagged is doing well! i havent interacted with some of yall in a long time<3

all gif credits go to their respective creators! i have no idea if tumblr automatically shows who made them or not, so sorry if it doesnt.

[sylvie-fics]

do another arcane as texts

Arcane Characters As Texts From My Friends (3)

Jinx

What’s the rules on the woodshed? Can we be in there without a more adult adult?

i have that cow skull, i want to find some use for it as a whole BUT it has a bunch of teeth which are loose like i could get pliers and take them all out

I understand there are reasons I got bullied throughout my entire school career, and this is definitely one of many contributing factors.

Are you volunteering to put me down like a horse with an injured leg 

Vi

Ive been informed that if I apply for the “best buddies” club, I receive my own personal sorority girl

And my bed wasn’t like, actively on fire? 

You masturbate every day and commit adultry all the time 

I thought he was asking out of competitiveness, but he said he was asking because he’d heard about tourists having heat strokes and such while visiting because they aren’t used to the heat. Then he got upset when I said I don’t wear sunscreen

Ekko

I am not hitting anyone with my car… intentionally.

Bitch doesn’t know how to use a phone so suddenly I’ve forgotten too

I’m like a year into this and just now looking at the instructions. Apparently there are many unsafe things I’m doing? It’s not gonna stop me from doing it tho

And I was like— yeah— very league of legends of me

Silco

Mr horse bones isn’t a monster he just autistic

Have you ever heard of the Hindenburg disaster?

He’ll watch a horror movie but not interior design?

im pretty damn sure something wrongs going on in there

People think Satan is powerful or whatever but they’ve never met me

Caitlyn

Damn y’all gonna mess around and get an American girl doll movie made about you

Don’t you dare use my coping mechanisms against me woman

I’ve decided to become a slutty nun 

You have such good energy so much ugh and just kindness radiates from you like orb. You’re my best orb.

Viktor

I totally scorched a little bit of my hair welding today 😞

Resin will outlive me, My immortality pact having fallen through.

I eat symbols for breakfast, and my body has amalgamated them into something much more horrifying. 

I want you all to know that I love each and every one of you dearly. But If I don’t stop coughing soon I’m about to start sacrificing you all off one by one as an offering to whatever god controls health

Jayce

A wise philosopher of ages past once spoke, “we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl.” 

what role does Skeletor play in the history of our world, then, if He-Man, his greatest enemy, was a collective of unspoken heroes?

According to TikTok because I’m not going to fact check it, blue whales are so loud they can kill us if we’re too close

I blink my eyes real loud and get what I want

[curious-l1ght]

A-120 has heart problems. Y'all probably know that at this point. If ya don't, here ya go.

(Yes, this is in third person. I asked Kris if it should be in first or third and he said third.)

The name of their heart problems is TGA - Transposition of the great arteries. Quite the mouthful, isn't it?

Well, it's also quite rare. Not joking.

Now, it don't live in the US, but that's not a lot of people.

This is also CCTGA which is different but GOOGLE WONT FUCKING SHOW NORMAL TGA ISTFG

A-120's heart problems don't run in the family. They were born with them, and no one knows why. They just were, and this kind of pisses them off because there isn't a proper reason.

Okay, on to how this actually affects A-120.

After A-120 got heart surgery back in May of 2023, it's slowly gotten better. IT CANNOT BE CURED. IT HAS TO LIVE WITH HEART PROBLEMS FOREVER.

A-120 still has a heightened chance of having a heart attack. Something that happened recently is that it was having a short-lived panic attack and it's heart actually skipped a beat, which scared the fuck out of it. This could've have gone completely downhill if it didn't take a break from what it was doing.

Other than that, A-120's stamina is terrible. They cannot run even if it meant escaping imminent danger. After a good 20 seconds of running, they will get puffed out and struggle to breathe.

This isn't overly dangerous, as they have ran a good while before and gotten exhausted. The only time this got dangerous is when they were at risk of having a heart attack due to their affected ventricle starting to close up. Their stents couldn't have been blown up more than they already had been, so they had to get an open heart surgery, same as when they were born.

This surgery included cutting open the ventricle and replacing part of the stent (or the ventricle itself, they can't remember properly) and replacing it with part of a cows heart. They had to stay in the hospital for 5 days. This was originally supposed to be 7 to 10 days, but they managed to heal pretty fast and they could go home.

It was unable to go in public without a wheelchair and it was forced to stay in its house. This affected their mental state since it wasn't allowed to go see its friends or socialise in general. This is also what caused it to progressively stay in its room more and more, and it now rarely even leaves its room.

When it was actually in public, it was wheelchair bound. Its daily routine consisted of doing a lap or two around its street for exercise and to heal and going home and staying inside for the rest of the day. They weren't allowed to go to school for an entire term.

They go in for appointments yearly (this used to be every half a year). If they get the news in a month or two that their heart surgery was successful, they won't need another surgery, if anything, one more smaller surgery. If it fails, they need another open heart surgery.

It's 'smaller surgeries' are procedures to inflate its stents. It's just a simple procedure where something is inserted into the groin (or wrist, but it hasn't had it in the wrist). It's some balloon thing that gets inflated in order to increase the size of the stents so A-120 can actually breathe properly.

They have quite a few scars. This includes the main scar down their chest, the drain scars which have caused small indents, the very small IV drips scars on my wrist, arm and neck and some scars on the groin area WHICH THEY ARE NOT SHOWING.

It has plenty of proof (mostly photos) of its scar and even its heart surgery from when it was a baby. It's not scared to share its story.

They cannot; drink too much of an energy drink, smoke (even/especially) when they're older), go on any sort of thrill ride like a roller-coaster, and basically everything that causes someone's heart rate to spike. Even having a panic attack can get dangerous.

That's basically everything important.

[candiedapplez]

I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j

Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!

1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!

2.lighter. Ive never used a match before

3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!

4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-

5. A really dark brown!!

6. Oops i did that again???

7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!

8. Six. I have six.

9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!

10. Ofc!!

11. Does drawing count?

12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-

13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)

14. HELL YEAH!!!

15. Nope and i never want to be 😗

16. NoooooOoOoO-

17. Nope i have perfect vision muah

18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)

19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…

20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….

21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-

22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?

23. Love it!!!!!

24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)

25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?

26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh

27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!

28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.

29. Hot????

30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!

31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵‍💫

32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??

33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)

34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)

35. Pst!!

36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)

37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(

38. All…?

39. Sometimes!

40. Ice cream!!!

41. Empty. Coffee is gross

42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!

43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!

44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕

45. NO ☺️

46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢

47. | v

this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!

48. Never and i dont plan on ever!

49. Never tried

50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!

omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!

[devantesmithpelly]

rules: tag 9 people you want to get to know better. i was tagged by @msmargaretmurry

last song: well ive been on taylor swift lockdown for the last week but the last song i listened to is whatever was playing when i left the bar i was at last night... i dont remember what it was but the playlist slayed and i know i heard me and my husband by mitski near the end so lets just go with that

last show: im choosing to go podcast for this one. ive been marathoning paul f tompkins's old podcast spontaneanation over the last couple months so as a little birthday treat yesterday i relistened to my favorite episode for the.... 8th time at this point? it starts with an interview with ira glass and then afterwards theres a narrative improv about jury deliberations and its 4 people playing like 15 characters trying to keep track of it all and it makes me laugh out loud every time

currently watching: YELLOWJACKETS!!!!!!! i was sick last week and marathoned the entire show and its SO CRAZY!!!!! WHATTTTT A SHOW!!!!!! im not the hugest tv show watcher especially not... prestige tv? im either watching the reality dating show of the month with my bachelor watch group (we are actually off the bachelor these days but we havent found a better name yet) OR im rewatching the same 3 shows i already like. so its exciting to be invested in a new good tv show that im watching all by myself without anyones help!!! cant wait to see whatever fucked up shit those girlies do next

currently reading: i just finished reading (an incredibly overdue library book called) Harvard's Secret Court: The Savage 1920 Purge of Campus Homosexuals and now im starting (a less overdue library book called) Death in the Mudlick: A Coal Country Fight against the Drug Companies That Delivered the Opioid Epidemic. as you can see i went to the library in january planning to go on a nonfiction kick which has now turned into a finish all my library books so i can return them before i have to pay to have them replaced kick!

current obsession: i cannot stop watching sheep shearing videos on youtube. it started with cow hoof cleaning which became horse shoe replacing and i cant imagine where the algorithm will take me next but im keeping fingers crossed its yarn spinning!!! other obsessions include like... everything ive already mentioned of course. and also the improv class im taking right now which i cant shut up about because its one of THE funnest things ive ever done. AND ALSO im obsessed with actively pursuing closer friendships with the people i think are super cool. so its very exciting that you tagged me in this!!!! thanks!!!!!

im tagging: anyone who wants to play the game! if youre seeing this consider yourself tagged

[lightasaghost]

made this at the beginning of the month, idk if it’s accurate still.

day 1: started at 54.5 and am currently 49.0 kg !

day 2: im 5’2, my heights okay, somtimes i wish i was smaller

day 3:

when i first stared looking at 3d cont3nt, this was my first goal, and still is :3 i love how tiny their legs are and how small they look scrunched up

day 4: teeth rotting, hair loss, memory loss

day 5: i do it for me i think. i want to be pretty but i also want to look scary ? i want to have control.

day 6: i used to be more b3d than an4, i binged every single day but now i dont.

day 7: i dont think they know but my siblings do and no one really takes it seriously.

day 8: i usually walk 10k if i have things to do but i never actively go out of my way to try and exercise

day 9: ive never been bullied for it ever, but i think it contributed to why i was bullied in the first place

day 10: my favorite foods and spending time with family. ive been mean to my friends so also that maybe.

day 11: (fill out later)

day 12: i normally try to eat nothing and if i do its under 200 cal, averagely id say i eat abt 80 cal

day 13: unhealthy, i like to not eat good and f4st half the time. i want this as fast as possible.

day 14: my goal is to be 39.6 kg or bmi 15-14 ^^

day 15: i was veget for a while and it really made me faint more often than loose weight. this was during an era of being normal so idk.

day 16: from my rel4pse, sept 27~ but from the very beginning ? id say jan of 23

day 17: id say i have an4 as a couple therapists have said so but i have no idea

day 18: sweets and junk, so addictive i always have to c/s something ( im trying to get rid of that habit )

day 19: i think 3 months ago before i rel4psed again

day 20: jesus diet <3

day 21: xs ( means nothing to americans though. )

day 22: 42.7 kg. i was eating only apples, nuts, chocolate, and oatmeal for couple months. i didnt even realize i weighed so little at the time. i gained after by binging everyday though

day 23: not really, only locals on twt or insta talking abt 3dtwt made me check it out.

day 24: im personally not for promoting 3ds as it krills people and its wrong to think others are below you just because they are bigger.

day 25: yes, its really gross and i hate the taste if some foods coming up, especially noodles because they comeout the same as they go in :/ i still think of doing it often.

day 26: being able to wear my lw clothes and being able to dress as i like !! i hope people will treat me better and worry abt me more.

day 27: i c/s if im trying to make people think i eat but i just stare at it sometimes with sadness.

day 28: i hate how big my thighs are and the only reason im gross is because i dont have them. what body i think is the prettiest is super lw ones and i wish to be them !!

day 29: for everyone ? being a kind person. for me ? being small and kind.

day 30: i like alt music, i love cats and cows, i love to collect bug pets, i wish to be a kinder person once im smaller, my fav colour is black, my hair is orange for the season 🍁, my birthday is in september, i love to draw !, i dont have any friends irl, i sorta collect squishmallows !

stats at the end are..: 48.6 ( while eating 😭 )

[salaciousslut]

R&B is one of my top genre's as of lately 🤭 i would love any R&B recs you have<3 I'm better with change now but i struggled for a while!

You really are such a good friend sweetheart<3 also wtf!! Its so cool that yall live in the same apartment complex as one another! Im a lil jealous they get to hang out with you so easily</3 🫣 I ended up drinking two bottles of soju with my friends since we bought a fee bottles and then decided to hang out at someone's house rather than actually go out. I think it wouldve been so nice to have you in my lap tonight. I know you wouldve taken any and every shot i gave you<3 i barely managed to get away from my friends all night

For reals, I hope we both get better with expressing ourselves this year!<3 and i low key call it that too 🫣 but ive been able to cry a little more and actually talk to people how i feel a bit better these past few months :)

Maybe one day when im less shy i'll send you my discord and we can call and talk for a bit?<3🥺 i know you sound pretty, like its just obvious to me like of course a pretty princess also has a cute voice<3 like i know you make pretty little sounds<3 also my stitch impression is a little out of practice so lemme work on that a little more<3 hehe

Lemme know if you like it, i could use some constructive criticism on how i smell since sometimes i think its a little strong. But i know saving up a little would be nice to just spring for some polo red🤭

Im jealous!! Ive been wanting to get myself a candle warmer!! Ive just been so broke lately i havent been able to :( and im also guilty of that!! But trimming the wick also reduces the amount of soot accumulation so im on top of that with my candles 🫣 i dont burn them a lot though! Also that guy was fucking stupid, the person's supposed to like it otherwise whats the damn point?? I'd feel honored if you were moaning cause it felt nice, but then again i was taught to love women<3

I'd love to cuddle with you!! Some ppl do find me intimidating though im not gonna lie. I got like dead eyes until you show interest in my existence, but i think its cute that my height wont intimidate<3 i would love to cuddle with you and your lil blue cow devil stuffed animal ☺️❤�� and im 22, so basically an exact year give a few weeks 🤭

i get soo nervous rec'ing songs so maybe later hehe!!

omg i love soju so much!! i typically have 2 bottles before im drunk tho hehe so keep them coming! but i hope you had a fun and safe night last night!! wish i could come and take care of u this morning too. so i can have a bit of a lazy day

yes discord someday! dont be a stranger okay? youre always welcome into my dms whenever you feel comfy! plus i love calls and stuff! i just love listening to people so i send voice messages all the time too.

hehe yes i love my candle warmer!! i wanna spoil i and buy u one now!!! and yes i love wax play! it just makes me sooo happy and giggly and i think its so pretty!! especially on my tits and stuff. he was stupid anyways. really a low point in my life when i was talk to him.

noooo i also have a bit of a resting bitch face so i understand. plus! ill let u be lil spoon if u want too! i like both big and lil spoon so we can take turns! and cuddle with your shark too!!! cant leave him out of this!! hehe 22 thats perfect! come here and lemme spoil u

[one-boring-person]

You forced this upon yourself😂 you forced this rambo simp.(and i dont mind)

Okay this may not be as good! But! Im giving you the liberty to take it where you want!(because i love your little details and how you express the feeling in your writing i- AH! Its great. I cant say it enough, it’s great. I mean it.)

How about Rambo finally getting enough courage to show The rancher around the tunnels, in a date sort of way!(they don’t know thats actually where he lives. Aka that photo i showed you before.) i really saw how the rancher was so happy to have him at their house, I’d love to see rambos side of scheduling a house tour and date type deal!! Maybe him even sitting and showing the rancher through all his old photos, and them just in awe because wow. He’s so much cooler than they even thought! He just so nervous and surprised seeing them so interested in him after all this time alone, and them just- in awe of him.

( i also really think it would be funny seeing rambo go through his friends house and seeing-“why the hell you have so many plants???” And just. Adorable assassin living with a wholesome and loving hardworking s/o)

Ah! Im sorry if that’s not as good!! But hey, you feel free to describe their antics and relationship as you will!!

I think I may have run a bit with this, but I hope you like it regardless!😊💛

I've Got Your Back, You've Got Mine.

John Rambo (Rambo IV/V) x reader

Warnings: mention of death, mention of war, mention of injury, mention of PTSD, mention of violence, (possible flash warning for gif?)

Masterlist

The heavy knock on the door surprises me where I'm sitting, the sharp sound snapping me from my thoughts. Looking over at it from my position at the table, I frown and set down my spoon, standing to go answer, unsure of who it is: I'm not expecting anyone today. Colt looks up from his place on the floor, the dog just as curious as I am as to whom it may be, though he doesn't bark, so it must be someone we know. He watches me as I cross the room, going straight to the door.

Opening it, I'm somewhat surprised to see my neighbour, John, standing there, a tentative smile on his face as he looks me over appreciatively, his gaze drawing a blush to my face. 

"Mornin' (Y/n)." He greets, rough voice friendly as he waits for me to let him in.

"Morning John." I smile back, delighted to see him, "What can I do for you?"

I step back, waiting for him to enter, which he does so with a nod of thanks.

"Since when have I needed a reason to see you?" The veteran chuckles, the sound reverberating within me, my brain subconsciously storing the action away for later recall. Gently, John moves into my space, one hand coming to lightly rest on my hips as the other cups my face, drawing me in for a slow kiss. 

Kissing back, I feel a glow of happiness flare up in me at this contact: he's never really one to initiate touch like this, so it's a whole lot more intimate when he does. Relaxed, I loosely wrap my arms around his neck, languidly caressing his dark hair as our lips move together. 

Being the killjoy he often loves to be, Colt pushes in between us, nosing at John's leg, tail wagging enthusiastically as he recognises the familiar man, the dog as fond of his company as I am. Chuckling, John and I pull apart, looking down at the large canine between us, the dark eyes staring up at us imploring us to pay attention to him. Still smiling, John lowers a hand to scratch Colt's head, ruffling his floppy ears a little as the dog instantly allows his mouth to hang open, tongue lolling in content.

"Hey, Colt." The veteran greets, biting back a laugh as the dog pushes me out of the way, nudging at John's stomach.

"He never gets that excited to see me." I complain jokingly, standing back to watch the two interact, a smile playing at my lips.

"Sure he does." John replies, eyes fixing on mine with an expression of fondness, one that had me weak at the knees.

"He really doesn't, he just sits in the corner and whines at me until I feed him. Isn't that right?" I address the dog himself, giving him a light slap on the rear, his ridiculous height meaning I can quite easily reach it, "Anyhow, did you need something? Or did you just come here to kiss me? I can't say I'll complain if that's the case."

Cheekily, I wink at the veteran, leaning back against a nearby counter.

"As nice as that sounds, it's not the reason I came by." He chuckles, blushing lightly, "Though that does sound good."

Grinning, I nod my agreement, only now taking in his body language: he's nervous. His hands fidget, rubbing his fingers over scars and lines on his palms, and he shifts from foot to foot every now and then, small tells he's never quite managed to hide from me.

"Is something up?" I ask him, slightly more serious this time, unnerved by his discomfort.

"No, no, not at all. I, err, well, I just wanted to ask you something." He rubs the back of his neck, head tilted to the side as he regards me, dark eyes fixed on mine.

"Ok, go for it." I prompt him, curiosity sparking my interest.

"Well, do you wanna come to mine? I mean properly, like in the house." John cocks his head to the side, lowering his arm again.

Blinking, I feel shock flood my system, before it turns to unbelievable happiness that he's trusting me enough to come into his private space. Initially, I can't find the right words, somehow struggling to respond, until I find my tongue again.

"I would love to, John." I agree, features lighting up as my mood brightens, "There's nothing I've really got to do today except train up one of the younger horses, so I've got as long as you want after that."

"Great. Is four o'clock alright?" The veteran smiles broadly, though he still looks somewhat nervous.

"Yeah, should be. I'll be there." I promise him, taking up my Stetson from the table as I briefly turn away to put away the plate I was using, having lost my appetite in my sudden excitement.

"I'll get it tidy." He says, looking around the room again, "I'll never understand why you have so many plants in your house. It's like a damn jungle."

At his comment, I laugh loudly, glancing around at the variety of different houseplants I have placed on various shelves, the greenery practically covering every available surface. 

"Because it's way too dry to grow anything like this outside all the time. Anyway, they look nice." I shrug, calling Colt to my side as I follow John from the house, grabbing my jacket from the hook as I pass.

"But why so many?" 

Once again, I shrug, following him over to a nearby post, where he's hitched Bandit, the horse I gave him a few months ago. The buckskin stallion paws at the ground, his pale coat looking as clean as ever even as he noses at the dust, the dark colouring around his eyes (the reason for his name) and legs standing out much more in the bright sun. As we approach, he looks up, snorting in greeting.

"He's looking good." I acknowledge, admiring the strong stallion appreciatively - I had reared Bandit from a foal, before I had given him to the veteran as a gift four months ago, hoping it will help him to grow his own ranch. My plan had worked, and John now has four horses, including Bandit, as well as a couple of other animals, such as a cow, a pig and five chickens. I'd sold him a couple of goats as well, but we soon found out that John and goats just didn't get along. At all.

"Yeah, he's doing well, too. Takes the training very well, too." John runs a hand through the stallion's dark mane, untying the reins.

"That's good. Reckon he'll be ready for a competition soon?" 

"Should be." 

Snorting again, Bandit pulls at the reins, clearly eager to get going, especially as Colt moves up to sniff at the horse's back legs. I quickly whistle him over, knowing Bandit has always been shifty around the dog.

"I'll see you at four then." I finally say, unwilling to say goodbye, even if it is only for a few hours.

"Yeah, see you then." John smiles, leaning in to kiss me again, keeping it brief this time, leaving me wishing for more, as he always does.

"See ya." I grin, watching him climb into the saddle, still somehow fluid in doing so despite his age. 

Gathering the reins in hand, John adjusts himself in the saddle, before he smiles down at me again as he gently urges Bandit into motion. Obediently, the stallion moves into a swift trot, which turns into a faster canter as the two move off down the driveway, heading towards the split in the fence separating our land. I watch as they go, still finding myself enraptured by the sight of the muscular man sat astride the horse, Colt eventually snapping me from my mind as he barks at me. Shaking my head, I follow him towards the stable.

Hours later, having showered and cleaned up, I feel a sense of relief go through me as I hoist myself into the saddle secured into place on Leo's back. It's relaxing, the stallion beneath me more relaxed than the youngster I've been trying to train all day: she never gave me a break. Seemingly sensing this, as he always does, Leo flicks his ears back and nickers softly, very lightly pawing the ground as I give him a pat on the neck, glad to have a more reliable horse taking me where I need to be.

Tilting back my Stetson, I take the reins in hand and ease the stallion into a trot, intending to let him pick up his own pace, my trust in this horse far greater than in the mare from before. Obediently, Leo moves into the correct gait, the two of us moving as if as one, years of riding together having made it easy for us to become in tune with each other. Together, we start off down the road towards John's ranch, the new path we've created beaten and well-used, allowing for relatively easy riding. Leo's hooves pound the dry ground rhythmically, my hips moving in time with his every stride, the relaxing movement helping to calm the nerves that have sprung up inside me.

A part of me is still unconvinced about going into John's home. Yes, I had helped him rebuild it and had seen very little of the inside rooms, but it still feels as if I'm intruding upon the veteran's safe space, his reprieve from the cruelty of the world he lives in. Something about that doesn't sit right with me, but I tell myself it's John's decision to make, not mine, so I should trust him, which I do, wholeheartedly. 

I'm still torn by the time I reach the main house, where John is already sat waiting for me in his rocking chair, dark eyes fixed on me as I approach. Lifting a hand to him, I smile and slow Leo to a halt, praising the horse as I climb down, the gray stallion nosing affectionately at me. Swiftly, I tie him to a nearby post, only to stop when John calls out to me.

"Put him in the stable for the night." He instructs me, gesturing for me to follow him as I try to fight back the sudden onslaught of racing thoughts at his implications: he wants me to stay the night?

"Sure, thanks." I smile back at him, walking after him with Leo in tow.

"Don't worry about it. It's not fair on him if he has to stay out all night." John waves me off with a short grin, "How'd training go?"

I groan.

"Not great. That horse has it in for me, I swear." I complain, rubbing at my arm, remembering the moment I got the new bruise forming there.

"Oh yeah?" He muses, looking amused.

"Yeah. She threw me off eight times!"

"Eight times? Wow, must be a new record." The veteran jokes, something that stirs up the familiar fondness inside me at his more personable behaviour.

"I reckon so. Painful one to set, though, I'll tell you." I remark, smiling broadly as we enter the stable, where I quickly house Leo next to Bandit, removing his tack and other gear.

"Must be." John watches me work, leaning against the door to the large building, muscular arms crossed over an equally muscular chest. Turning back to him, I have to stop and admire the bulging of his biceps as his hands grip his forearms, the veins I've come to love laying out a pattern on the tanned limbs. Everytime I see them, I imagine his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me safe and secure against his solid body, wishing I could feel his hands splayed against me more often.

"Like what you see?" John interrupts my thoughts, voice teasing as he lifts an eyebrow at me, almost smirking at me.

Blushing furiously, I avert my gaze, lifting a hand to gently tap the brim of my Stetson out of my vision.

"You know I do." I laugh nervously, before I look back up at him, "Anyway, since when do you use pickup lines?"

"Since I figured out they get you all flustered." His playful tone is new to me, though it's gone almost as soon as I see it, his guarded expression falling back into place as he returns within himself, probably thinking he overstepped some invisible boundary.

I still can't help stammering for a response, his gruff tone awakening something within me.

"Heh, I guess you're right." I stutter, going over to him.

Nodding, he keeps his expression straight, leading me out back to the house, where he quickly welcomes me inside.

"I tried to tidy it as much as possible, but it's still a bit messy." The veteran apologises, observing the interior of his home critically, even as I do so in awe.

The rooms, from what I can see, are mostly filled with sparse furniture, a few chairs here and there, an old sofa, a couple of vanities and dressers, with a mantlepiece in most, if not all, of them. He hasn't used much colour, but what he has used is tasteful and works well with the overall appearance. The walls, however, are what really draw me into the place.

They are littered with photographs and memorabilia, frames and objects cleaned and polished so they shine brightly in the afternoon sun, many smiling faces visible in them. Curious, I go over to one wall, looking over the array of pictures, which I now recognise to be images of John and his friends from the years he spent here. Amongst them is a creased black and white photo of a young John sat astride a horse not unlike Bandit, a broad grin on the boy's face as he stares at the camera from under a mop of thick black hair. I can feel a small smile creep onto my face at the sight of the veteran looking so happy and carefree, something I've not seen very much of at all in my time around him.

"That was my first horse, Hector. I had him until I left for the army." John says from behind me, sounding somewhat quiet, eyes softened from nostalgia as he stares at the picture along with me, "I loved him a lot, but my father always said he wasn't good enough."

His words hang in the air as I stay speechless, listening intently to what he's saying to me: it's the first I'm hearing about his life before he came here again.

"What happened to him? Hector, I mean." I ask him quietly, tearing my eyes away to look up at John.

The veteran shrugs, appearing somewhat remorseful.

"I'll never know, but I reckon my father sold him as soon as I was gone."

"Oh." I frown, glancing back at the photograph.

"The horse was getting old by that time, though. He probably wasn't much use." John chuckles wryly, moving away towards the stairs nearby, "Do you want to see upstairs?"

"Yeah, sure." I nod, following him as he ascends to the second floor, which I now see consists of three different rooms.

He takes me to the farthest, opening the door to reveal an old study, which looks as if it hasn't been used in a good few years.

"This was my father's study, where he did all his business. I was never allowed in here as a kid." John sweeps his arm around the room, staying by the threshold, as if abiding by a rule that no longer exists, "Not that I go in here that much as an adult."

I look around, finding the neat area interesting: images of a young John hovering by the door, waiting for his father to finish business entering my head.

"It's nice, I like it." I remark, turning to find him smiling very slightly at me.

"It's the only room in the house that's exactly as it used to be. I haven't had time to do up the others properly." John says, leaving the study and going back down the hall, where he opens the other two doors to reveal a bathroom and an empty room.

A dull curiosity flares up within me as I realise one thing about the top floor, but I easily find a solution to it, following John back down the stairs. As we go, however, I realise that my assumption is wrong, as the only other rooms down here are missing the one thing I'd expect in any house.

"Where do you sleep? I haven't seen a bed or anything anywhere." I ask him, cocking my head to the side as he takes me to one final door.

"I'm gonna show you." He smiles at me, before he opens the door.

I blink as I see the dark steps descending into the ground, unease biting at my throat as I flash John a hesitant look. A cool draft wafts up from the black depth, but John only chuckles and moves down into the space below, gesturing for me to follow.

"It's perfectly safe, don't worry." He calls to me, a light flickering on as he reaches the bottom of the steps, illuminating the path to me.

Swallowing, I gingerly step down the stairs, emerging into a tunnel of sorts, my curiosity piqued as I take in the chiselled walls around me, the rock cast in an odd light from the naked bulbs positioned along the length of the cavern. Struts of wood hold the ceiling steady, wiring hanging off of them in places where he's had to hastily put it all together. John watches as I take in the passage, a thoughtful look in place on his face.

"What is this place?" I wonder aloud, still taken aback by the oddity of having a tunnel beneath the house that stretches off in both directions.

"This is my safe space." The veteran informs me, urging me along with him as we go further into the tunnel, walking together for a minute before we emerge out into a larger room of sorts, which is well lit. 

My eyes widen as I realise exactly what he means.

The room acts as his bedroom and bathroom, and also has space to sit and relax, the whole area having a homely feel to it. What was missing in the rooms in the house can be found down here, including more photographs, though these ones seem different to the others. They adorn the walls, all except one, which is decorated with a variety of weapons, both guns and knives. Going over to it, I look over the rifles and shotguns hooked onto the wall, struck speechless as I then turn my attention to a machete, the blade honed but chipped from use, seemingly out of place as it hangs beside another, smaller hunting knife. 

Moving on, I regard the photographs, only now realising that they're military pictures, many of them containing images of a youthful John in fatigues and uniform. A smile creeps back onto my lips as I feel my eyes land on a particular image of a group of men, where I can see John standing amongst them, a triumphant grin on his face, long locks of dark hair held back by a strip of fabric around his head. The others also smile, though there's something bittersweet about the inscription at the corner of the photo: Baker Team, Vietnam. As I look past the other pictures, I notice that the team slowly dwindles, beaming faces becoming drawn and solemn, eventually just leaving two people behind. Beneath this image is another inscription: Baker Team Survivors.

"That was my team in 'Nam." John says suddenly, voice husky as he remembers the friends he had, "None of them made it back. Not really."

Eyes wide, I look back at him, taking in the distant look in his own eyes, the barely concealed grief still raw in his expression as he stares at the photographs. Noticing my gaze, John gestures for me to come sit on the edge of his bed with him, the veteran pulling another photograph from it's place on his bedside table. Doing so, I make sure I'm not touching him, but am close enough to reassure him, waiting patiently for him to start talking of his own accord, knowing that this is a sensitive subject for him.

After a moment, he starts, his voice low as he pulls me into his stories, taking me through suffocating jungles and blistering heats, through recon and rescue missions, through bloody gunfights and hellfire,  through hours spent in torturous situations. He puts me in his shoes as he loses every single member of his team to the gruesome fight he should never have fought, the harrowing grief and pain of letting go of a comrade, someone who's supposed to be by your side for as long as the two of you can stay alive, laid bare for me to see and experience. And even as he moves on, back to familiar territory in the States, the fight never leaves him.

Facing harassment in what should be his safety and security, I can feel every bit of betrayal, of anger and grief that he felt as he is let down by his own country time after time, used again and again by the authorities to do their dirty work, only to be cast aside when it doesn't go their way, the old catchphrase he once lived by, "I've got your back, you've got mine" completely meaningless in this hollow life. His disgust in humanity is plain to me as he outlines his most recent forays into warfare, where the rage he felt is once again transferred to me, and I experience the violent need to take out the parasites in the world that destroy anything good that he did. It's as if I'm there with him, through everything, his description and memories so vivid they chill me to the core, keeping me hooked on his every word.

After a long while, he eventually trails off, and I realise there's a tear rolling down his cheek, his body shaking a little as he holds himself back. My heart breaking, I have to fight the urge to reach out and pull him into an embrace, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. I place my hand on his shoulder instead, rubbing the tight muscles soothingly until he looks up at me with the most heart-rending gaze I've ever seen in my life. At that point, my resolve breaks.

Carefully, I lean in and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling the veteran towards me. He goes willingly, sobs wracking his body as he wraps his own hands around me, burying his face into my neck, tears flowing freely now as he lets himself go, each pained sound agonising to hear. Tightening my grip, I lay back onto the bed, allowing him to press his body around me, holding me against his muscular form as I rub his back, whispering soothing things to him as his breathing starts to calm a little. It takes time, but eventually he starts to relax, body going limp as he lays in my arms, his larger form awkwardly wrapped around mine as he depresses his face into the crook of my neck.

I barely hear his broken voice as he whispers to me.

"Thank you." 

Breathing in his familiar scent, I just mould myself closer, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead as he does the same to my neck.

"I'm here for you, John. I'm here, and I'll never leave. Not as long as I live, I promise."

[and--you-are-weightless]

8/19/22

okay. i gotta get serious abt losing weight again. like its getting back to the point i feel uncomfortable in some of my clothes again, especially my bras. so im gonna start doing nightly journal entries taking abt what i ate today, any exercise i did, how i felt, and what my plans for the next day are. if i count calories or purge ill put that here too.

ill start them all w the date and tag them all "#shellys day" so u can black list that if u want. i know i havent reblogged pics in a while but ive just been in such an awful binging cycle and also getting most of my th1nspo from insta lately

anyway

today was really bad. i went to work decided on panda express for lunch. i always get kung pao chicken (290), chow mein (510), and some crab rangoons (190), so for lunch i had about 1,000 calories. it wasnt even very good and even tho i was full half way through i ate the whole thing anyway cuz im a disgusting pig. i spend the rest of my shift at work wishing i had got some poke instead so naturally even tho i wasnt hungry i stopped and got poke after work. i have no idea how many calories are in it, i at least get the poke salad option so theres just lettuce instead of rice but it was still way too much and again even tho i was full half way thru i made myself eat the rest. i also got some fried rice balls cuz im a fucking cow and decided to really make myself feel worse than i already did. after i ate i just laid down and kept feeling worse and worse til i went to throw up like maybe an hour or an hour and a half after eating. i still have two rice balls left i really want before i go to bed. i dont have any more easy high calorie foods left in the house other than the cookies my dad made but hopefully hell give those away to friends before i binge on them. im gonna try to do better tomorrow. im gonna go to the gym with my dad in the morning if i can make myself get up in time. im also supposed to see one of my partners tomorrow evening and he always orders taco bell super later at night so i know ill end up eating something there but if i can have a little discipline itll be the only thing i eat tomorrow. then starting saturday night after whatever i eat w my partner im gonna start a 36 hour fast. im gonna allow liquid calories but nothing crazy, just its ok to put a little creamer in my coffee or a spoon of sugar in my tea i mean. if i mess up im gonna restart til i make it thru the fast. once i make it thru im gonna go back on a low-carb diet and focus on protein and veggies again. carbs are always my downfall. once i start on pasta and potatos and bread and sugar i always ruin my diet and start binging on everything. maybe ill make more balerina soup again. idk but im gonna fix this. my current achievable goal is to lose 20 lbs by december. if i can lose about 2 lbs a week i can do that. i just gotta focus and stop binging. i can let myself have a cheat day every now and then when im w my friends or a partner but i have to stop rewarding myself with food and overeating when im depressed.

[rocorambles]

Reminiscent

Pairing: Daichi x Reader

Genre: SFW, 5+1, Soulmate/Reincarnation AU, Angst (there is technically a character death, BUT THERE’S AN ULTIMATELY HAPPY ENDING, I SWEAR), Fluff 

Prompt: You woke me up at 3 in the morning for this?

Summary: 5 lifetimes Daichi and you just weren’t meant to be and the 1 lifetime you finally found your happy ending together.

Author’s Note: This is my contribution for my HQ Discord Server’s SFW collaboration. There are so many talented writers on the server and I highly encourage you to check out the collaboration masterlist here to see how everyone decided to run with this spicy prompt. (Masterlist goes live December 1st!)  

Tagging @sawamooora  since I accidentally scarred her by making her read only the section where there was a character death without the heads up...OOPS, so I guess you can have your happy ending now~

I.

When Daichi meets you in this first lifetime, he can’t help but notice just how different you are from him and he stares at the luxurious fabrics beautifully accentuating your figure, wishing he could wipe off the meticulously and elegantly layered on makeup and see more of your bare face, wanting more than anything to know who you are beneath the graceful and well-mannered smiles and bows you grace the court with. But when he looks down at himself and sees the memories of crimson blood splattered all over his skin and robes, hears the sound of his sword piercing flesh, remembers the way your father enthusiastically thanks him for another job well done as a flash of fear races across your eyes at the corpse of proof he drags in, it’s all too apparent just how different the worlds you live in are. 

And really, that should have been it, he should have stopped himself right then and there, stopped thinking about you, stopped his gaze from trailing after you when he sees you roaming around the clan property. But his heart has different plans and here he is, a well respected samurai who works underneath your father, pining after you, a clan leader’s daughter, someone already betrothed to the son of a neighboring clan, someone much too pure and innocent for his blood soaked hands. 

He smiles when he sees your posture relax, your body slouch in relief when you think no one is watching you, no pretenses and facades to keep up when it’s just you, unaware of the brown eyes watching you. He clenches his fists so hard his nails threaten to break skin when he hears your secret anguished sobs as he guards your bedroom the night after you meet your fiance for the first time and realize you’ve been doomed to a life with a man who’ll never love you, a man who doesn’t see you as anything more than a political tool. He dreams of a life where he can whisk you away, a life where there would be no consequences if the two of you ran off to live a peaceful, happy life together far far far away from the cruel and cold world of money and power you’re both entangled in. 

But there are consequences and he lives with the constant shattering of his heart as he watches the light dim in your eyes as you continue courting your fiance, the cool indifferent look you wear on your face throughout your own wedding ceremony, the way you seem like just a shell of the vibrant young woman he once knew and fell in love with. And yet, he doesn’t do a thing, remaining faithfully by your father’s side and serving your clan for the remainder of his days.  

II.

Something jolts inside of Daichi when he sees you in the second lifetime and he can’t help but feel like there’s something familiar about you, something nostalgic about the situation you’re both in as you humbly bow before helping him dress and get ready for the busy day of meetings he has. And you watch in awe as you dutifully trail after him, making sure all his needs are attended to, amazed by just how hardworking, intelligent, and kind the young lord is, so different than the stories you had heard of royals. Not once does he ever treat you as anything less than an equal, not once does he ever lay an unwanted gaze on you, let alone a finger and you find yourself jumping to please him and aid him out of something more than just a sense of responsibility as your heart flutters from just his presence. 

You feel honored by how much he entrusts you with when it’s just the two of you in his room and you patiently listen when he throws his disciplined manners out the window, grumbling and ranting about the power-hungry ploys of his fellow royals, the way greed and privilege have corrupted them, how he can’t trust anyone anymore. But when he wonders if he needs to change, to adapt in order to thrive, you surprise the both of you with your vehement outburst as you blather on about how he’s perfect the way he is. And then there’s silence as the two of you look away, both your faces heating up at the hidden message in your words, a message so incredibly inappropriate considering both your positions and the time you live in. But before you can open your mouth and stutter out an apology, you freeze at the warm smile Daichi sends your way, heart racing at the heartfelt, but quiet thank you he utters in response. 

Of course nothing happens after that. This is real life after all and Daichi is far too respectful of his family and their reputation, far too noble to smear his clan’s name with taboo affairs, far too kind to hurt his future bride despite the fact that he’s never even met her yet, doesn’t know the first thing about her other than her name, to pursue something just for his own pleasure, his own satisfaction, something that could potentially harm so many others. And you understand. After all, these are the reasons you fell in love with him, and you’re just happy to be able to remain by his side for the rest of your days despite the lancing pain in your chest every time you see him with his wife, with his future children, living a life where you just exist on the sidelines, watching and longing for something you know you’ll never have. 

III. 

In the third lifetime Daichi meets you in, he can’t understand the regrets of a missed opportunity he feels when you introduce yourself to him, welcoming him to the neighborhood with a basket of freshly baked goods. He knows he should smile, graciously accept your kind (and delicious smelling) gifts and he does, but as he bites into the still warm cookies after you leave, the image of the gold wedding band around your finger is branded in his mind. 

In a small rural community like yours, you’re bound to run into each other, especially since your farms are right next to each other and he thinks you look ethereal each morning with the sun rising behind you, a soft golden glow framing you as you gather eggs, milk the cows, and water the crops. But there’s a sense of bitterness he can’t explain when your husband joins you, a hulking stoic figure besides you as he helps you on the fields, and he turns his back on the two of you to tend to his own chores. 

There’s nothing “wrong” with your spouse, nothing Daichi can truly fault him for and if he’s honest, if Ushijima wasn’t your husband, he’d have only respect and admiration for the man. He certainly can’t complain about how he treats you and something bittersweet churns inside of him when he sees Ushijima’s usually stern face soften whenever you’re around, when he sees the way Ushijima’s broad shoulders relax whenever you affectionately hold his hand. And although he internally chides himself at night in private when he dreams of what it would be like to be in Ushijima’s shoes, he can’t help but feel relieved, glad that you’ve found someone who loves and treats you well. 

But he laughs the silly thought away. Of course you had found someone who loved you. Why wouldn’t you have? And yet that night he dreams of your face, dressed in a beautiful silk robe better suited for the historicals eras of Japan, seated next to someone he somehow knows is your husband, but there’s only loneliness in your eyes and he wakes up with tears in his eyes, unsure why he’s crying, why he’s hoping you never feel alone ever again. 

IV. 

Daichi should be scared of you when he meets you in the fourth lifetime, but although he’s certainly wary of you, staring at you with his beady eyes from the branches high above your head, he can’t help the curiosity he feels when he sees your small furry body try to leap and paw at him despite how far the distance between the two of you is. And despite all his natural instincts, he feels himself relaxing, cawing teasingly at you as you tire yourself out, fluttering down a few branches closer to you when you give up and just sprawl out on the floor, tail flickering back and forth in interest as you watch him draw nearer. But before he can get any closer, he hears a human voice calling for you and the two of you lock eyes before you rush back to your owner and even after your body squeezes through the little cat door that had been built in the front door, he can’t help but watch your home closely, wondering if he’ll see you again. 

To his delight he does see you again, every single day as a matter of fact. On sunny days, he spreads out his wings and swoops down to meet you when you lazily curl up at the base of his tree and sometimes the two of you just lay there together, basking in the warmth of the beautiful day, sometimes the two of you take a stroll together, you trotting down the sidewalk as he flits from tree to tree beside you. He’s learned that rain and water in general don’t sit well with you and on gloomier days he glides over to the outside of your favorite window, peering through the glass and cawing warmly when you jump up and curl up on the windowsill, his beak and your nose pressing against the glass across from each other. 

But time is limited, especially for a crow like himself, and as you grow bigger and stronger, he begins to lose his appetite, begins to struggle flying for as long or as well as he used to. And although neither of you can speak to each other, there’s an intuitive understanding as you tone down your playing and spend his last remaining days just laying side by side, his feathered body curled up in the warm plush of your fur, your body and tail wrapped protectively around him until he passes away peacefully. 

V. 

Daichi only has himself to blame for the fifth lifetime being a complete loss. You had caught his eye in a way no girl ever had before when he saw you skillfully racing across the court at the Tokyo training camp. He can’t explain exactly what draws him to you. Sure, you’re attractive, but he’s been around other beautiful girls before, hell Shimizu is the manager of his team and even she’s never captivated him like this. Maybe it’s the fact that he hasn’t seen many talented female volleyball players up close before? But that can’t be it. No other female player in the room even remotely peaks his interest. No...it’s something deeper than that and he swears it feels like there’s an invisible thread tying the two of you together. 

He watches and watches until a lanky arm is thrown over his shoulder, a sly voice purring in his ears. 

“Sa’amura. My, my, my. I thought a country bumpkin crow like you would have better manners than to gawk at our pretty Tokyo girls like a creep.” 

Daichi scowls at the messy haired Nekoma captain, but his face heats up when he realizes how strange he probably looked just staring at a gym full of female athletes. But before he can spout any excuses, Kuroo hums in interest as he follows Daichi’s gaze to see who he had been looking at so intently. 

“Well well well. I guess birds do attract each other. You have some good taste, Sa’amura. She’s a great player, although I personally think she would have been a better fit at Nekoma than Fukurodani. She moves a lot like a cat, doesn’t she? But if you want to get closer to her, try talking to Bokuto. They’re both pretty close.” 

A cat? Daichi wordlessly waves goodbye to Kuroo who’s strolling away before turning his attention back to you. And he’s surprised to see that there’s something eerily correct about Kuroo’s observation, something about your feline movements that nags at a deep unconscious thread inside of him, and it’s unnervingly easy to imagine you with a tail swishing back and forth behind you, to imagine you with soft ears and claws. But when he blinks, there you are, completely human once again, celebrating a point your team had scored, no cat appendages anywhere in sight. 

He doesn’t take Kuroo’s advice, never approaches Bokuto to learn more about you, and he leaves training camp without even exchanging one word with you. But from time to time for the rest of his life, he’ll dream of you, dream of a friendly cat he feels like he used to know and he’ll wake up with a pang of regret, wondering what would have happened if he had the courage to talk to you all those years ago. 

VI. 

Daichi groans, nursing a hangover as he groggily sits up in bed and turns off the ear splitting alarm. Thank God for humans and their habits, his brain not needing to work at all as he methodically brushes his teeth and throws on his uniform. But as he makes his way to the precinct, he pauses at the corner of the street, intrigued by the sight of a newly opened cafe. There’s technically coffee at work and the smarter and financially responsible choice would be to just wait and drink the free caffeinated liquid, but something draws him into the quaint storefront and before his mind can even catch up to his body, he’s already pushing open the door and walking towards the counter. 

He hears your voice ring throughout the small store, telling him you’d be with him in just a moment and he takes his time to peruse the menu, the soothing scent of coffee whetting his appetite and making the pastries in the glass case look even more appealing. He’s narrowed down his options to either the chocolate frosted donut or the coffee cake when he sees you approaching from the corner of his eyes and he smiles only to freeze when he sees your face.

“Do I know you-”

“You look familiar-”

Both of you start and stop talking at the same time and there’s an awkward silence before you both burst out laughing. As you prepare his order, both of you throw out possibilities of where you may have met before, but nothing pans out, and you both shrug your shoulders as you hand over the paper wrapped pastry and piping hot coffee. It’s a big world with tons of people. Perhaps both of you had met someone who looked similar to the other. But as Daichi sips his coffee and as you wait in the cafe for your next customer, neither of you can stop thinking of the other, wondering if you really hadn’t met before. 

And maybe it’s that curiosity that leads Daichi to regularly return to your cafe on a daily basis, that leads you to always perk and brighten up when he walks through your door. Daily morning coffee runs before work is how it all starts, but pretty soon you’re seeing him at all times of the day. Sometimes he pops in to order a sandwich and some chips for lunch. Sometimes he’ll plop down at one of your small tables, plugging his laptop into an outlet as he works for hours on end even on the weekends. And sometimes, when there’s no one else in the store, when you’re technically closed, you’ll join him, sharing a new dessert you’re testing for the menu with him and chatting away into the wee hours of the night. 

So really, it shouldn’t be a surprise when Daichi nervously enters the cafe right before closing one day, making sure no other customers are around before asking you out on an official first date. And even though you knew that the day where you two would discuss what your relationship exactly was would come soon, your face still heats up. But you eagerly nod, fingers instinctively interweaving with his when he hesitantly reaches to hold your hand and as the two of you walk hand in hand to the restaurant he’s chosen for dinner, you both can’t help but feel like your hands fit perfectly together, like you were made to be with each other. 

Romantic candlelit dinners become more frequent casual affairs after a while and the two of you find yourself cuddled up on a couch in comfortable clothing, eating a meal the two of you had cooked together more often than not. You make fun of Daichi’s bachelor closet, dragging him to go shopping and ignoring his squawking when you pay for all his new clothes while he’s still changing in the fitting room. He teases you for how flustered you get when you see him in his cop uniform, purposefully striking a cheesy pose in the doorway only to bend over in a belly bursting laugh when you just wordlessly gape and stutter at the sight. 

But the change that both of you love the most is never having to sleep alone again and your bodies slot together perfectly like two puzzle pieces when you curl up with each other in bed, letting sleep, body warmth, and rhythmic breathing lull you both into the best nights of sleep you’ve ever had. 

Well, usually that would be the case.

Daichi grumbles as you insistently shove his body until he begrudgingly sits up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and batting away your hands that keep on nudging him awake. He looks at you in confusion and maybe the slightest hint of irritation at being woken up at such an ungodly hour of the night, but the bright smile you flash his way softens him and he internally groans about how weak he is for you as he stumbles out of bed, sleepily accepting the bundle of clothes you throw at him and haphazardly throwing them on. 

He lets you drag him out the door, shivering a bit as the cold night air wakes him up and he holds you close to him, his cop instincts keeping him alert as he continuously scans the area. You live in a safe neighborhood, but it is the middle of the night and he’d be a hypocrite to not be aware of his surroundings when he’s always warning people not to be out by themselves late at night. But the two of you make it to what he assumes is your final destination unscathed and his jaw drops in disbelief when he sees that you’ve brought them to the neighborhood park. 

“You woke me up at 3 in the morning for this?” 

You giggle at his outburst, slapping his arm in mock anger as you pull him to sit beside you on one of the benches. 

“I checked the weather and tonight’s supposed to have the clearest skies for stargazing! And you and I both have off tomorrow, so it seemed like perfect timing. Don’t be such a grumpy old man.” 

And how can Daichi possibly be angry when you’re practically radiant, the soft glow of the stars illuminating your features as you stare up in awe, holding his hand and snuggling into his side as your free hand points at the different constellations you recognize. But the two of you freeze when you hear rustling nearby, letting out a sigh of relief when only a stray cat stalks out from behind a bush and you both watch in amusement as it regally walks towards your bench before plopping down with its stomach bared right at your feet. 

But just as Daichi is about to reach down and accept the invitation to pet the furry creature, a loud squawk echoes throughout the area and suddenly the cat is leaping to its feet as a crow swoops down and hops around on the ground just a few feet away. And the two of you watch in amazement as the two creatures play with each other, paws lazily batting at the bird while wings spread wide and teasingly brush against a whiskered face in a practiced friendly dance. 

It should be just a light hearted scene, maybe heartwarming at most, but to the two of you it’s more than that and your hearts ache, tears streaming down both your faces in a strange combination of soul crushing sorrow and gratitude for the present. But why is it so sad? Why are you both crying? The two of you shakily laugh, apologizing for your strange behavior as you hurriedly try to wipe the salty streaks away, but they don’t stop, only growing worse and turning into body wracking sobs as pain, loss, regret, and unrequited love built over what feels like multiple lifetimes slam into both of you all at once. 

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. 

But like magic it all instantly fades away when the two of you find yourselves tightly wrapped in each other’s arms, your body somehow now in Daichi’s lap as you bury your tear stained face in his chest, his arms wrapped around you in a bone crushing hold as he buries his face in the top of your head. And the two of you just stay like that for a bit as the calming breeze swirls past you, as the creatures and sounds of the night begin to fade away, as the morning sun begins its ascent into the sky, all the while exchanging words of love with each other, words of gratitude for finding each other. 

And when the tears have finally all been wiped away and the sun is shining brightly down on both of you, the two of you share a smile before Daichi is ushering both of you back home, jokingly whining about immediately going back to sleep once you both return home, both of you animatedly bantering as you walk away, ignorant of the way the cat and crow lay curled up beside each other, both their eyes never straying from your retreating figures until you’re out of sight. 

Neither of you ever discuss that night again. Neither of you ever try to understand and explain the chaotic overwhelming mess of emotions that had bombarded both of you. But every now and then, even after the two of you exchange vows, even after your shared home is filled with children’s laughters and voices, the echoes of that night follow both of you in your dreams and you wake up with tears in your eyes and a lingering ache in your hearts. 

But all it takes is a quick glance to your side, the reassurance that both of you are together, right where you belong, to completely snuff out any negative emotions and you let the comforting warmth of love lull you back into slumber, smiles gracing both your lips as Daichi holds you just a bit closer and tighter to him, as you snuggle just a bit more until you’re firmly tucked underneath his chin.  

[pigstepmp3-moved]

holy hell, gamers, i finally reached one whole thousand followers! how bonkers is that! when i first made this blog in december 2018, i was just trying to start over in a new fandom. ive been active on tumblr for a looong time (since i was like 11, which is. not great, but we wont get into that). i cant remember quite why i decided to remake, but i never imagined getting a higher following than i did before, but i did! 1000 followers is bonkers, i’ve never had a thousand of anything! i seriously cant thank each and every one of you enough, whether you followed me for 911 or for mcyt or for whatever!

now, since ive reached this absolutely bonkers milestone, im feeling particularly sappy! so under the cut, i have some friends and mutuals tagged who are super great n who are always an absolute pleasure to see on my dash! <3 again, thank you all so much! (ps, if we’re mutuals and i didnt tag u in this, that doesnt mean i dont love and appreciate you!! i mostly am just picking people to tag based off how often i see them on my dash! i love all of u so much <3)

♡ 911 FRIENDS ♡

(aka the ogs, aka the fire fam)

♡ @lovelessmotel ♡ emily!! god, where do i even begin with how much i love and adore you!! i know youre one of my big sisters, but wow i am so proud of how much youve discovered yourself since we’ve met!! like wow, look at this epic, gorgeous person whos one of MY close friends! im so lucky to be friends with you! thank you so much for being my friend, i appreciate you and all the sisterly advice you’ve given me more than i can ever put into words!

♡ @eddiediaz-buckley ♡ sav!! mom!! i love u so unbelievably much!! i am so unbelievably grateful for you and everything youve done for me! all the advice youve given me and all the times youve let me vent to you have been so important to me and i cannot thank you enough for all that. im soso appreciative of you and im so glad that i have someone as amazing as you as my mom/big sister (we’ll never really figure out our fams family dynamics, will we?) (ps, whenever i go outside and have my keys with me, its always so comforting to feel the keychain you got me! its like my moms with me everywhere i go!)

♡ @liesoverthec ♡ bonbonbonbon!!! i love you so much, you wouldnt BELIEVE how much i love you!!! im so glad we met bc you are so unbelievably kind!! there is a very good reason a nickname for u is bonbon bc you are just as sweet as candy!! maybe even more so!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, you give such wonderful advice and talking to you always makes me feel a million times better!! i love you and i am soso glad i get to call you my friend!

♡ @marauder-girl ♡ sabsabsab!! i love u so much, u funky lil future lawyer!! im so proud of u and i can hardly believe ur gonna be my Lawyer big sister!!! thats so awesome!! i cant believe such a rad person is one of MY friends!! how lucky am i!! i love having you as one of my big sisters, youre so kind and funny and talented and your advice has always been so helpful to me too! thank you so much for being my friend and for always being there for me!!

♡ @nighting-gale17 ♡ cait, my love, my wifey!!! wowowow i love u so much!!! im so glad we’re friends, you are so unbelievably lovely!! youre also so unbelievably talented like??? hey queen wanna hand some of ur writing ability over to the unfortunate (like me). i’m so glad we’re friends, youre so sweet and even tho we dont talk as much as we used to, i still have SO much love for you in my heart

♡ @africaneuropean ♡ rae, my father!! i love u so much!! i know we havent talked at all in. who knows how long. but i still have so much love for u in my heart!! you are so iconic and cool and funny, im so glad i met you n became friends with you!! ur one of the coolest people i know, i hope i can be as cool and mysterious and wonderful as you one day

♡ @evaneddie ♡ DHYL!!! dhyl pickle i love u so much!!! whenever u pop into my inbox with random nice messages, every part of me lights up!!! u are so kind to me and for what!! i miss talking to u as much as we used to, you are so sweet and you are such a good friend!! i love u n im SO proud of how far youve come with gif making, i still remember when u first started n youve gotten SO amazing at gifs lately!! i love u soso much n im so glad we’re friends, youre so awesome!!!

♡ @basil-the-writer ♡ des!!! i love u so much!!! i know we’ve never rly talked all that much but im glad we have interacted in the ways that we have!! u are so sweet n so talented!! like the fact that u have the patience for those lil video edits u do?? that is so cool!! all ur edits are so cool, i cannot imagine being able to make stuff like that without dying every single time. u are so cool n i love being able to call u my friend!!

♡ GRIFF ♡

(aka griff)

♡ @yawnralphio ♡ u get ur own section bc u are my only 911 friend who isnt an og, but thats ok bc u are so swaggy!! i love being friends with u griff, u are so cool and funny and i am so glad that u still want to be friends with me despite all of the horrifying things u’ve learned about mcyt from me jdhfajkdhfa. i love u so much n i am so excited to get to know u more n get closer to u!!

♡ FRUITBLR ♡

(aka mcyt friends)

♡ @fear-epidemic ♡ atlas u are so swaggy and funny!! tumblr funny man!! im so glad we’re mutuals, i love u a whole lot. that one time u me n wilby played bed wars together was so fun even if we’re really bad! n that one time we played on the fruitblr server while on vc was so fun, i loved talking to u n playing with u so much, we gotta do that again sometime. i love u so much chapin n im so glad we’re friends!!

♡ @netheritedream ♡ hari my beloved... i love u so much. like literally so much that its really embarassing. i am so glad u tagged me in that one follow forever post n put the offer on the table to let me join the server. i love being ur dumb lil husband!!! jus like actual fundy, i would risk it all to watch treasure planet with u. i love u sososo much, i wish i could live closer to u so i could actually talk to u more often </333 im going through severe withdrawal, pray for me. im gonna stop talking for now bc if i kept going on, this post would be several miles along n nobody has time for that </3 just know that i love u so much and i love having matching icons n i love being ur husband, i love u so much

♡ @sootswilbur ♡ tommy... i care you so much. little bromther!!! im sososo glad we’re friends bc u are so kind to me all the time n u are so easy to talk to!! ur also so talented, ur writing n ur gifs are so amazing n im so proud of all the awesome stuff u make!! seeing u experiment more with ur gif sets n trying new things is so awesome n inspiring and i love seeing ur experiments work out!! i love u soso much n im so happy to be ur big brother!! (or one of them at least)

♡ @fruitbur ♡ virgil my Other beloved... i love u so much!! u are one of the kindest people ive ever met n im so glad i met u!! i know ive already told u this before but ur tagging system is so sweet n i love seeing u reblog my posts bc im like “yay alastair is gonna tell me that he loves me in the tags :D” i also lovelovelove ur theme, i love the soft pink and the lil aesthetic board that u have pinned, its so nice to look at!!! ily sososo much <333

♡ @theartofmining ♡ hey fruit ily. like genuinely, u are so unbelievably funny that u make my ribs hurt so much. i know we’re like never rly that serious but i love u so much. as much as i joke about hating u, i really am glad we’re friends n i really look forward to becoming better friends with u. i love u a whole lot rain, i love seeing u on my dash bc ur full of good takes n funny posts

♡ @sapnaplive ♡ dream.... bonks our foreheads together... i care u so much. my other half!!! i love u with my whole little heart. u are soso cool and im so lucky to be able to call u my friend!! ur themes are always so cool, i wish i could be half as cool as them!!! ur art is also so epic like??? u are a triple threat: good at art, tumblr themes, AND minecraft building. and ur also so kind!!! u are one of the sweetest people i know, i love u so much and im so glad im friends with u!!

♡ @dreams-little-kitten ♡ corn u are so weird and i mean that in the kindest way possible. u are so cryptic n i love that so much about u. ur like the wilbur to my philza sometimes and i think thats so awesome. that one time u came into my inbox to talk shit about that one cuphead boss was so funny and absurd, i loved that so much. i love You so much. i love how ur just so effortlessly funny, n im so glad i can be friends with u

♡ @dreamsmp ♡  JEL!!!! i love u so much holy cow. u are so sweet!! all the time!!! ur also so talented, ur gifs always look so good!!! i love being friends with u, ur always so nice to me n u always leave rly nice tags when u reblog my gif sets that make me so happy!!! i think about that one time u rbed my fundy gif set n said “FUNDY GIFS” and “GIFS BY FUNDY” it made me so happy!!! i love u a whole lot, im so glad we’re friends :)

♡ @leaguelol ♡ damien!! i love u so much u funky little cryptid!! i love when u pop into the gc just to share cryptic thoughts, u are so strange but i think thats so cool of u!!! i honestly see u kinda like a lil sibling, im always so proud of u when i see ur art on my dash!! u are so talented at art!! i love u so much n i love being ur friend, ur rly sweet n i love seeing u on my dash and in the gc!!

♡ @its5undy ♡ idk why im putting u on this, ur my mortal enemy. jkjk, i actually love u a lot clay! i love joking around with u, ur so funny and for what. im so glad u joined the gc bc i love talking to you so much!! i still love that one time u reblogged that fwt gif set n tagged me in it moments after I reblogged it. i love that u thought about me, that rly warms my heart! i love being friends with u sososo much

♡ @cavalreee ♡ oh hey, another great big fruit!! i dont think we talk all that often, which is a shame, bc ur so sweet!! and also so fucking funny, why is everyone in this friend group so fucking funny, its not fair. i love seeing u on my dash talking with ur other friends, u always have the funniest convos ever. also? ur desktop theme is SO epic, it threw me off the first time i saw it but its so swaggy, just like u!! i love u soso much azzie, n i hope we can talk more in the future bc ur so cool

♡ @technosoot ♡ i love u even tho ur a br*t /j /j /j. jannat u are so unbelievably sweet. im so glad u joined the gc bc u are such a kind presence both in there and on my dash! u radiate very Warm, Friend energy. ur friend shaped. i love u so much n i love being friends with u!! im very eager to become closer friends with u bc u seem like a really amazing friend to have

♡ @sortasortaspicy ♡ les where are u in the gc i miss u </3 i love u so much, u fit in so well from the very beginning n brought so much more fun and laughter into the gc. i dont know u all that well n i dont think we’ve talked one on one like. at all. but id love to get closer to u bc ur so rad and ur so sweet!!

♡ EPIC PEOPLE  ♡

(aka mutuals who are so cool n id love to be friends with u pls talk to me)

@eurytherm ♡ @vampkings ♡ @weelbur ♡ @wilburtheesoot ♡ @quackityskarl ♡ @wimblrscoot ♡ @technofarmer ♡ @wooteena ♡ @bloodforblood ♡ @smpsapnap ♡ @literallynotfound ♡ @hearty-an0n ♡ @enderanboo ♡ @springbonniecpu ♡ @pandascanpvp ♡ @tommylnnits ♡ @strawberrygogy ♡ @timedeo ♡ @nymika-arts ♡ @h-isforhome ♡ @eboykarl ♡ @joe-alkaysani ♡ @betwecouldmakesome ♡ @squirrelstone ♡ @maddieandchimney

[wayward-mikaelson]

I Still Want You, I Still Need You-IV. The Snap

Word Count: 3816

About: A fight is brought to Wakanda leaving you and many others devastated.

Characters: Bucky, Steve, T’Challa, Shuri, Natasha, Bruce, Rhodey, Thor, Thanos, Vision, Wanda, Okoye, and Sam 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings/Trigger Warnings: Language, Sexual Content (Unprotected-wrap it before you tap it kids and Implied rough sex), Playful Teasing, Fighting, Injuries, Death, Heartbreak

A/N: These last few days I have been having internet trouble but I am back up and running. Also, this ripped my heart as I wrote this so have a tissue or tissue box at hand. I also tried to keep a few of the big IW events in this part.

*This contains content made for 18 and up crowd. Read at your own disrection

**Please do not copy and paste my work anywhere. Reblogs and sharing the link are okay.

***This work is also posted on Wattpad and Archive of our Own. Links can be found in the pinned post on my profile

****Go follow my other accounts. Links can be found in the pinned post on my profile

*****Currently NOT taking request

******Feedback is Welcomed!! 

Forever Tags: @hobby27 @donnaintx @myinconnelly1 @elansaidaris @magssteenkamp @440mxs-wife

Marvel Tags: Open

Story Tags: @cspr-2 @mysticalfestivalkoala @tanyaherondale @lilithknight1111 @lpzallana @snlsamantha @tomisagod @gloriouspersonbanditrascal @buckysgirl101

Bucky/Sebastian Tags: Open

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III. Fresh Air (NSFW)

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The walk wasn’t long and the weather was perfect. It gave your time to think about what you were going to say to Bucky. Steve had called with his monthly check in, it had surprised you due to the hour he called. He knew the time here in Wakanda and he always enjoyed talking to the both of you. So when he called, you had wondered why.

You entered the clearing and got a good view of yours and Bucky’s home. The view of the tree covered mountain always put a smile on your face. No matter what kind of mood you were in. Movement from the corner of your eye caught your attention.

Bucky was playing with two kids from the Border Tribe. You knew these kids pretty well, their parents were hard workers. These boys must have gotten it from their parents because, they would help Bucky with just about anything. Bucky loved it and it made you fall in love all over again with him whenever you saw him with kids.

You continued to walk towards the house with that smile on your face. The days where you saw Bucky messing around and just being himself, God it made you want to give him a child right away. Even you wanted a kid, but in you one year of marriage, it was still you and Bucky. Then again, with how busy the two of you were, you guys never had that conversation.

“Ah, there she is,” Bucky sat up from the ground. “My beautiful and most gorgeous wife.” He stood up and made his way towards you. Soon, you were wrapped in his arm with your lips pressed to his. “I got a lot done today with the twins help,” He mumbled into your lips. “All there’s left is dinner and dessert.” Bucky’s hand slid down from to cup your right ass cheek making you squeal.

“Well,” you pulled back to stare into his blue eyes. The longer he stared at you the darker they got. “Why don’t we send the boys home with some food and we get to work on the rest of the evening.” You motioned the boys to follow you into the house. Soon, they were off with a basket of fruit, bread, cookies and soup.

“Thank you Mister and Missus Barnes!” They called over their shoulders as they walked away. Your cheeks tingled as they called your by Bucky’s last name. You still never got over that people called you Missus Barnes.

You and Bucky had a short ceremony a week after he proposed. Tony would have had a cow if he found out the you weren’t going to have a huge and ravishing wedding. You didn’t care, all that mattered was you and Bucky. Given the circumstances, the ceremony had to be small. T’Challa officiated the wedding, making legal in every binding way. Shuri and Okoye were the witnesses. You had worn a small, simple Wakandan gown while Bucky wore a button up shirt and pants.

While you watched the boys disappear over the hills, Bucky snaked his arm around your waist and pressed his lips to your neck. You closed your eyes, “Steve called earlier,” you said cutting off whatever Bucky was doing.

“Really? Why so early?” He had the same tone of confusion and wonder you had. Bucky had always loved talking with his friend.

You turned in his arm and stared up at him. “He wants us to meet him in Berlin tomorrow evening. He says he may have found a way to clear everyone’s names.”

Bucky took a step back. You immediately knew where his thoughts were going. “He want’s to run it by all off us and we have to let him know in the morning.” You closed the space between the two of you. You reached up to grab the collar of his shirt, “I did tell him that we made Wakanda our home so if his plan works we will be still be living here.”

Bucky smiled. “Good,” he slowly started to back you into the wall. “We can call him tomorrow and tell him we’ll be there. How we skip right to dessert?” Bucky’s chest gently pinned you to the wall and he trailed a slow kiss from the base of your neck to your lips and down again. It sent a shiver down your spine.

“Do you want kids?” You blurted out.

Bucky pulled away, the lust disappearing from his eyes. “Yes, why? Are you…?”

You shook your head. “No. I just see how well you are with the kids that pass by through here. You’re so great with them and I just know that if we have a few of our own, you’ll make the perfect father.”

Bucky cupped your chin with his hand. “Are you wanting to try? Starting tonight?” There was small smile forming on his lips.

A smile plays on the corner of your lips as well.

Moments later, You laying on your back while Bucky hovers over you. You reach between your naked bodies and take hold of Bucky’s hardened cock. A small and almost silent moan slips from Bucky’s mouth. You give his cock two slow pumps before lining him up with your aching entrance.

Bucky slowly pushed into you, causing your eye to close and roll back. “Open those gorgeous eyes, Doll,” Bucky stated to thrust in and out of you at a decent pace. You opened your eyes and see Bucky staring down at you. “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

“You tell me everyday, love,” You lifted your hips up to meet Bucky half way. Each time the two of your met, a soft groan escaped your lips. “Do you know how lucky I am to have you?”

Bucky chuckled. “Only when we’re having sex.”

You playfully smack his chest. “I was being serious.”

“I know,” Bucky laughed and dipped down to press his lips to yours. While pushing himself further into you, causing you to moan into his mouth.

“You know what,” you pushed Bucky onto his back and straddled him. “Screw the slow and sensual crap. I’m going to make tonight feel like this is going to be the last time we ever do this.”

Bucky’s eyes darkened. “In that case, Doll, get on all fours.”

***

The next morning you and Bucky are doing some work, when Bucky purposefully bumped into you spilling some water from the bucket he was carrying. You turned to him to see him laughing as he continued to walk away. You shook your head as you thought up your move.

You walked over to where he stood next to the compost pile. As you walked by, you bumped his hips with yours, causing Bucky to lose his balance and fall into the compost. You covered your mouth to fight the laughter.

Bucky sat up in the pile and stared at you. You dropped your hand while the smile was still on your lips. “Next time you’ll think twice about splashing me with water.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Bucky lunged forward. You tried to move away but Bucky managed to his hand on you and pull you back into the compost with him. “Now, I think we’re even,” Bucky’s hand trailed down to your thigh and gave it a small, little squeeze.

“I love you,” you pressed your lips to his before standing up. “I have to go help Shuri and make that call to Steve.”

The moment you stood on your feet and turned around, you wished you hadn’t. There, entering the clearing and walking towards you and Bucky was T’Challa and some of his guards. It wasn’t the guards that followed the King of Wakanda that bothered you, it was the big, narrow case that accompanied them.

You knew that case all too well. If the case was being brought, you knew something was going to happen.

You looked back at your husband, all smiles and playful behavior no longer painted his face. The look of dread and sadness had taken it’s place. It was almost similar to the look he had before going back on ice. It ripped your heart out to see that look on his face.

“I’m sorry to break up such a fun moment,” T’Challa sounded like he was talking to someone of a higher power than him.

He gestured to the guards to bring the case up. You held your breath as they opened it. There sat the black and gold metal arm you helped Shuri design. You watched as Bucky slowly approached the case to get a better look at the arm. You could see that part of him is excited about the arm, for you had told him all about it and what it could do. The other part is that he knows that he will have to put it on. Both of you knew it.

Bucky Barnes may have been tired to fight, but he would fight to protect the world. And you, you were his entire world. The one thing keeping him going and not just flat out giving up. He would do just about anything, even if it meant dying, to make sure you lived to see another day.

“Where’s the fight?” he asked in a hollow voice.

T’Challa looked between the two of you. He hated this just as much as you did. “On it’s way.”

***

You stood looking through the window and watched as your husband got his arm on. It looked painful in your opinion, but Bucky’s face made no indication that it hurt him. He just stared at the ceiling until the procedure was finished.

There wasn’t much said about why you guys were needed. Just that Steve was on his way here and would fill you all in when he arrived. You knew it must have been urgent if Steve wouldn’t give the full story.

“Hey,” Bucky’s voice pulled your back from your thoughts. You turned around and immediately stared at the metal arm on your husband. Suddenly, you were having some very impure thoughts about it. Maybe you should have convinced Bucky to have the arm sooner. All you wanted was to feel those cool, metal fingers on your bare skin. Gripping every part of your body.

“Hi,” you breathed out. You had to shake your head to distract you from the dirty thoughts about that arm.

“How do I look?” Bucky held out both arms and did a small little spin.

You rose an eyebrow with a smile on your face, “Do you want the clean answer or dirty answer to that?” Bucky closed the space between the two of you. His metal hand gripped your hip and pulled your closer to him. He was on to your thoughts.

“That depends,” his voice was right against your ear. It sent instant shivers down your spine. Yep, he was one hundred on to you. “Do you want the clean answer or dirty answer to how you look? Cause this tight outfit you’re wearing is already doing something to me. Where has this been the whole time?” Bucky’s metal hand snaked to your ass and gave it a small squeeze before backing you to a wall.

“Packed away with that arm of yours,” You slowly wrap your arms around his waist.

Bucky nuzzled your neck, sending more shivers down your back. “How come? We could have had loads of fun with this.”

“The last time I wore this, I fell a good story out of a helicopter,” you answered.

Bucky pulled back and stared at you. “What?” his eyebrows furrowed. “How? What were you doing? How come I never heard about that?”

You dropped your arms, “Because it happened while you were still on ice and I was doing something on the side for T’Challa. Gathering information.”

“Were you hurt?”

You took a deep breath. “Yes and Shuri made some upgrades so if I were to fall a good distance, the suit would take most of the impact.” The look on your husbands face tugged at your heart. He looked hurt that he didn’t know about those few months where you went out and did small missions. “Look,” you took his face in your hands. “I wasn’t intentionally keeping it from you and I’m sorry I never said anything about it. Let’s talk more about this later.”

Bucky pushed your back against the wall. “Only if you wear this,” he said before pressing his lips firmly to yours. His tongue slipped passed your lips and explored your mouth.

“And only if you keep that arm for a while,” you smile against his lips.

The sound of an air craft was heard, making both you and Bucky pull apart and look out the window. A smile formed on your face when you recognized the air craft. Spinning on your heel you raced out to the front, with Bucky following after you.

You waited impatiently for the Quinjet to land. When the loading hatch opened you watched as not only Steve walk out, but more of your friends. They approached T’Challa and you saw only one of them bow. Idiot, you thought. Then you realized who that idiot was.

“Oh my god, Bruce!” You whispered. You hadn’t seen since Sokovia and a lot of your had long sense thought he had died.

Then you locked eyes with Steve. You and Bucky approached him and he gave the both of you the biggest hug ever. It was two years worth of hugs.

“How are you guys doing?” He asked as he pulled away from Bucky.

“We’re good,” Bucky looked at you and smiled.

“What’s going on?” You asked.

Steve looked around him and then placed his hands on his hips. “Bruce, wanna tell them?”

You looked at Bruce, who walked slowly towards you. There as look on his face that instantly made you worried for some reason. “Someone called Thanos, he’s after what’s called the Infinity Stones. Vision was almost killed for the Mind Stone. We’re seeing if it can be taken off and destroyed without killing him before Thanos get’s it.”

“What does he want with them?” Bucky asked.

“He wants to wipe out half of the worlds population,” Bruce looked towards Bucky. “Who are you?”

“Bucky,” Bucky answered. “Barnes. I’m also Y/Ns husband.”

Bruce looked back at you. “You got married? Does Tony know? Wait speaking of Tony.”

Your heart skipped a beat when Bruce said Tony’s name like it was some sort of taboo thing. Bucky noticed the change in your posture. He took a step towards you and placed his hand in yours. “What about Tony?” Your voice was hard.

***

You stood in the lab as you processed what was said about your brother. You didn’t want to believe it but then again it was Tony. He did just about anything. You were so lost in thought you didn’t know what was being said about Vision or the stone on his head. You walked to the window and looked out into the distance.

“You doing okay?” Natasha was standing beside you.

“As good as I can be,” You looked over to her. She had cute and died her hair blonde. You weren’t going to lie, you liked it a lot. “I just hope he’s okay.”

“We all do,” Natasha rubbed your arm. “Does Tony know you married the man that killed your father?” You shook your head. “You know he might not take it well, when or if he finds out.”

“Tony will just have to suck it up, Bucky’s fixed now and isn’t who he was when he worked with HYDRA.” You were aware of the ear piece in your ear linking you to the rest of the team. Bucky had one too. You knew he heard all that was said and you knew what was going on through his head.

Howard and Maria Stark were the biggest contribution to his nightmares.

“Hey guys,” Sam’s voice rang in your ears. “Um, somethings trying to get in.”

“They won’t be able to,” Okoye said.

“Are you sure about that?” You watch as something hit the barrier that surrounds Wakanda. Then another one and soon you’re able to see the barrier itself.

You turned to see everyone staring out the window. Poor Vision was laying on the table looking helpless. Wanda was hovering over him and staying close to him. You could read her body language well. Wanda loved him.

T’Challa and Steve exchanged a few words and it appeared they agreed on something. “How much time do you need, Shuri?”

“As much as you can give me,” Shuri didn’t looked up from her spot. She was too engrossed with what she saw.

“Y/N,’ Steve was approaching you. “It’s best if you stay up here and protect Vision with Wanda.”

“I agree, Doll,” Bucky’s voice was in your ear. “Whatever’s coming sounds nasty and I want you as far from it as possible.”

“And if the fight comes towards me?”

“Then kick their asses and show them some hell,” Natasha smiled.

***

Hell is what you gave when three creatures broke into the lab. You were quick on your feet but not too quick. One had thrown you off a landing right next to Vision. You got up and did the only thing you thought of.

“Get out of here Vision!” You helped Vision off the table until something crashed into the two of you sending the two of you through the window.

You slid the slanted roof trying to find something to grab onto. You called out for help only to not get a response back. The edge of the roof was quickly approaching and your hand missed the edge by centimeters. You were then falling three stories down to the ground. Even though your suit could take the impact, you weren’t so sure about your head. Then something grabbed you midair before setting your down. You looked up and saw Rhodey flying away back towards the fight. You made a mental note to try and thank him later.

“Guys, we got ourselves a Vision situation,” Sam said.

“Somebody get to Vision,” Steve yelled.

“Already on it,” You replied. You started to weave in and out of the threes looking for Vision. From a distance you heard a clap of thunder and soon saw a flash of lighting and you knew who just entered the fight.

Something crashed into you and sent you flying to a nearby three. Your head smacked against the trunk. You cried out and landed face first into the ground. Whatever threw you, picked you up by gripping a chunk of your hair. They were disgusting looking and part of you felt like that moment was it. You were a goner. Then they dropped you as they fell to their knees.

“You alright, Doll,” Bucky helped you up and looked you over.

“I think so,” you were breathing hard. “Not my finest hour.”

Suddenly there was gust of wind. Something was changing and it raised goosebumps on every part of your body. You looked around to see a cloud of blue burst and a purple looking thing walked out. One hand was covered in a gold glove with gems on it. Thanos, you thought.

“That’s him,” you heard Bruce say.

Then everyone was racing towards him. Anyone who got close to him was thrown back. Bruce was thrown into boulder. Natasha was pinned under earth that rose from the ground. Bucky was thrown into a three. You and Steve were the only ones who got close.

You slid in between Thanos’s legs and jumped onto his shoulders. You pulled the knife from your thigh holster. Before you could stab the knife into him, Thanos pulled on your leg and then gripped your neck with one of his giant hands. With each second it was tightening and you barely able to breath. You clawed at the giant hand but failed. The look on his face has a faint smile. He was taking pleasure in killing you.

“No!” Bucky’s voice was heard from someone.

The grip on your neck loosened some, giving you some breathing air. Thanos looked towards the sound and back at you. He looked you over and then flung you into a tree. You landed on the ground, the wind being knocked out of you.

You rolled over onto you knees to watch what happened next.

It all happened in slow motion. Wanda was holding off Thanos while destroying the stone on Visions head. You saw the heartbroken look on her face. She didn’t want to do it but she knew she needed to. Vision had closed his eyes and you knew that he made peace with what was happening.

Then Vision and the stone were gone.

But that isn’t what surprised you.

Thanos did something on that glove of his hand. All the while, he spoke quietly to Wanda. Green surrounded that area and suddenly, Vision was back. Wanda realized what was going to happen, so she jumped up and was thrown back by Thanos. Then Thanos had Vision by the neck and ripped the stone right off his head.

Vision was gone again.

Everything started to change when you saw and axe fly passed your head. Thor was then attacking Thanos and digging his axe deep into his opponents chest when Thor stopped. His head turned when he saw Thanos raise his hand up and snap the fingers that were in the gloved hand.

Everything, everywhere was silent and it sent chills down your spine. Something happened and you knew that something was bad and going to leave you heart broken.

“What did you do?” Thor yelled but Thanos disappeared leaving the group to stare at one of another.

You walked up to Steve who was a few feet from you and helped him up. He walked over to Wanda who was next to Visions body. The look on her face was pure brokenness.

Little did you know…

“Y/N? Steve?”

You turned and froze. Bucky had been making his way towards you when he started to turn to dust. You quickly ran over to him and right when you got within grabbing range he fell to the ground. Dust at your feet.

“No,” you whispered as your knees gave out beneath you. Your hand ran through what was left of your husband. You felt your entire world grow cold. You felt pressure on your chest as you covered your mouth to suppress the sob that took over your body. The of you were happy and talking about having kids and now, not even twenty four hours later, you were left alone looking at the literal ashes of your husband.

You let out a scream you didn’t know your body or vocal cords were capable of.