#ive been stuck on 60 for weeks

[royposting]

100kg leg press fuckin WHOOOOP

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for “not being able to keep issues in servers separate”

🌻🌷🌹🥀 (to find later)

this all happened a couple months ago now in mid november-ish so i’m sending this late, but i didn’t want to while the situation was ongoing. for the record me and everyone affected have collectively since left both servers mentioned. so. wee

i (23mtf) do a long of long form roleplay, specifically in public oc-based discord servers. these are servers where people will create a setting and then people can join and insert their ocs into the world, and they’re tons of fun! this is a hobby ive had for years now. it’s really important to me as it’s my main creative outlet and i know a good number of people in the community. i’ll often join servers and recognize at least a handful of people there already

around may last year, i joined a new server and things were great, for a while, but then not long after i joined someone new did, i’ll call her X (34nb) for this. when she first joined the interactions we had were fine, but - and i’m still really not sure why this is, i’m not trying to absolve myself if i did do something but i have no idea what i did to warrant this shift even to this day - a few weeks later she just got… extremely passive aggressive and contrary with me, over silly things. most of it was “in character” but it really stuck out to me. i’d have a character say something marginally unconventional and she’d always, without fail, have one of her characters come in to scold them, even if her characters hadn’t been part of the conversation prior. her characters constantly talked down to or insulted mine. she was always talking ooc about how strange her characters found mine. when i tried to get involved in overarching plots, she would often push me out of them, or insist that my characters were only getting in the way, or would insert her characters to do things i’d stated to the group i wanted mine to do, so i didn’t end up able to do anything. it seemed targeted to me because the main character she was doing this with was known to be very kind to everyone else, but for some reason never had anything nice to say about mine. i know none of this is outright bullying but it wore on me greatly. i tried to confront her on this multiple times to tell her it was making me uncomfortable and to please knock it off, and i tried to get the server mods involved when that failed, but the behavior never really stopped and eventually i was content to just… not interact with her

but then a while later i noticed her treating someone else the same way. i reached out to him about it, and he told me that she had done basically everything she’d done to me to him, and he wasn’t the only one. after snooping around a little more i realized that a lot of people in the server had had this problem with her, totaling 7 of us. 7 of us in the group at the time. some people had dropped characters or outright left the group because of her, so 7 isn’t even everyone because it doesn’t include people she’d already driven out that i couldn’t contact. for reference, this server only had roughly 30 people. even if the number of total members was bigger, 7+ still feels like a lot

i tried to take this to the mods of the server again, but (and this is where i’m unsure if i misstepped) i thought it would be right to bring it up to the mods of a separate, larger server that all of us were in together as well. this server had closed to 50-60 members. in my head, if this person has harassed over half a dozen people like this it’d be silly to assume its only a problem in one group, and even if it wasn’t a problem in this larger server it would be better to make them aware of it so they could keep an eye out

the mods in both servers weren’t happy with me, through. even when all 7 people tried to give testimony, both teams claimed there wasn’t enough evidence to support harassment and that they’d talk to her about it, but this didn’t warrant any further action. keep in mind again i’d already had to go to the mods about this same person before, so they weren’t unaware that this happened to me and they had tried talking to her already. then they told me that it was inappropriate of me to bring this up in a server that wasn’t necessarily involved, and that the 7 of us were ganging up against her and bullying her. and i, especially, had been unfairly targeting her

this confused me greatly! i will admit, it’s likely i’ve been snippier with X than i intended. thats on me, i struggle with tone and i have trouble masking my frustration, but i have never once gone out of my way to make her feel bad. she has a generalized anxiety disorder or some such, and before i realized how many people had this issue with her i had been avoiding her for months. i have no idea what i could have said to her that was taken as bullying, because i haven’t been talking to her, period. when i see her in channels i just mute the channel until it’s passed, ive seriously done everything i could to minimize contact because i figured it was a personal issue. i asked both the mods and her directly, in dms, for examples or screenshots of what i said or did so i could adjust my behavior, and i never got shown any. i still as of typing this don’t know what i did to warrant that being said

the mods said they would give her a warning, but they gave me a warning as well, that if i continued like this i would be booted from both servers. they insisted to me again that i’d been clearly bullying her (did not provide examples) and i never should have brought it up to the other server and gotten them involved. i admit i think they might be right on that last point, but i am iffy. i had (honestly still have) justifiable reason to think X is an unsafe person to be around. she pushes people out of the community and cries and gets meek if she’s ever confronted on it in a way that’s distinctly guilt trippy and makes it hard to communicate. i have previously tried to resolve my issues with her in private and she was never receptive nor did she ever accept accountability, or change her actions. if her target calls her out she just starts doing it to someone else. it’s not like her being in a different server suddenly means she’s a different person. if someone like that is in your server, even if you don’t have “proof” that it’s happened in your group, wouldn’t you want to know about it? they kept insisting it had nothing to do with them and it was wrong of me to get them involved. i kind of think this is a cowardly policy to have, that you won’t act on or acknowledge harassment from your members unless it happens right in front of you and is blindingly obvious, but i don’t know

to be clear, i think X is an asshole, so that’s not what i’m asking about. anxiety disorder or not, she is frankly too old and has done this too many times for me to believe it’s unintentional. even if it is unintentional, she’s still hurting people and makes no effort to change. but i’m wondering if i’m an asshole for bringing it into another server. should i have just kept it in the first group?

What are these acronyms?

[squided]

Has anyone else experienced their parents getting progressively more rude, intrusive, and hypocritical as they got older? Like my mom had me pretty late in life (she was 37) so I recognize I have an older mom than most. And yeah during my teenage years and stuff I thought she was annoying but she was genuinely a good and caring mom. But honestly I've noticed since she's hit her 60s and went through a bad second marriage, she lashes out a lot, expects me to be productive 7 days a week, essentially work all day long, spend 1 hour of relaxation, and then sleep. Anytime this gets me agitated, she goes on about how she needs to work two jobs and 7 days a week and SHE never gets rest and I don't see HER complaining (she is literally complaining about it all the time). Essentially since ive had to live with her again temporarily I've put up with it and have taken on the same workload as her and I've discovered.... there's no way to please her. Every day I should be studying so I can get certifications, I should be looking at new jobs because she doesn't approve of how my managers treat me at my minimum wage job (every job I've had so far), I need to clean the house and my room, I need to go to work, I need to look at universities, I need to make 10 phone calls that will keep me on hold for an hour at a time, I need to pull the weeds in the yard. If I fail a single task, it's met with disappointment and talking about how much work she does and how little I do. If I do all the tasks, then come a list of questions: how's my money doing? Have I been saving it or spending it recklessly? Have I tried quitting smoking yet? Have I cleaned some obscure thing she mentioned a month ago and I forgot about? This keeps going until I give an answer she doesn't like and then we are back at my generation being so lazy, how the younger people just don't work as well as her generation did.

And the thing is... she never used to talk like this. She was always far left, full equality, against classism and ageism. But then the "unbiased" news changed. It stopped covering certain things the US didn't want covered. Suddenly I'm explaining to her that in Israel, people will have parties while watching the bombs drop, there are "settlers" going into Gaza and just claiming other people's land. And she says that's not true, she didn't see it on the news, she looked it up online and the major news sites never covered it once since 2014. Every time I bring up some horrible thing that's definitely happening, she just says I've become a conspiracy theorist and MY thinking is really dangerous and she's worried about me (at which point I snapped a bit and told her that actually her willful ignorance is extremely dangerous and what leads to all these atrocities getting swept under the rug. She threatened to kick me out for being so incredibly disrespectful to her).

I don't know what the point of this post is anymore. Maybe I just wanna ramble about someone I truly respected slowly becoming someone I can barely stand to hold a conversation with. Maybe it has something to do with how people are told to only trust big news organizations for real news and then they censor it so all real news looks like conspiracy theorist trash. Or maybe it just has something to do with age, some sort of thing that naturally occurs as you approach a certain age, and the only way to prevent it is to be aware it's occurring and reject its falsehoods. Or I don't know dude... I've been stuck inside for a month... I think I just needed to fucking vent to the Great Void. If you're listening, hey there Great Void, I hope you're doing better than I am.

[thefluxqueen]

HIIII :) here to ask about the abyss tell me about it please please please love this sort of thing :3

HAIIII welcome :) to preface this im normal i swear. anyway The Abyss is what i like ta call my Horrible Horrible Maze, i made it w/ the goal of making the worst possible experience in minecraft to torment my friends ^_^

I enjoy putting people in situations and studying them :D 

On that note! everyone who runs the abyss (24 people at current count) I time and write a couple notes on them! the abyss is honestly half maze half personality test LMAO. at current moment the quickest time goes to @ghostpajamas with a baffling 03:24 (wild that he got out so quick, i win tho cause i haunt his dreams), and longest goes to the beloved @rendogdomesticated with 1:35:54 <3 special shout out ta my dearest @theoctagon tho wolff ur insane i love u. guy goes inta the abyss for fun and has like 10 pages and counting of insane person phsyical notes tryna map it out (hes reported that hes gone through the first one 60 times and the 2nd one 5 jesus chriiiistttt). the abyss is fond of Pilot :) also if wolff is the favourite than @potionofinstantdamage is the Least favourite, rude ass set the place on fire when he got stuck in there :( oof ouchie

Highlights from my notes include @quack-city running backwards and upon me asking Why, simply replied “what if there’s slenderman :(‘ ... cant argue w/ that! he also hadda stop mid run so we decided its funnier if he’s just stuck in there forever. @newtbeetle was in there for like an hour and would NOT shut up about Paul Dano the whole time which was a time (love u beebs. ur isnane). my two test runners are @kishdoodles and @officialgleamstar and they had about the same time but like Opposite reactions it was very funny, kish treated it like they were a streamer n kept a like constant chatter, and travvy was like DEAD silent the whole time n Intensely focused akjewkjr tbh outta all 24 runners trav’s been prob the most like, methotical bout it? LIKE I SAID personality test. i Love studying people. 

In regards to its origins I came up w/ the idea back in like feb/march ish of this year and from start to finish it took me like 2 weeks ish i was on the Grind. u dont understnad how much black concrete this thing took. hell on earth,,, darkwoods has an economy/shopping district and i bought out like All the sand/gravel available akjwekjr the rest i hadda gather myself n God gravel sucks. also ive killed So Many Squids. the 2nd abyss was much easier ta gather supplies for cause i could ask for help w/ supplies n i kept the first one a Complete secret minus my test runners (i hadda bitch at SOMEONE while makin it or i wouldve died i think. speakin of the first abyss has a death count of 13 and the 2nd one has like, 5 or somefin? rlly shouldve writen that down akjwerjk those are Entirely me dying in the process of buildin them btw. its not a true Spain Build unless its mildly dangerous <3) The 2nd one also made me learn redstone, notably i specifically studied Tango’s decked out process vids from s7, tho i really only stole like two aspects of it n i couldnt even get one ta work properly LMAO

The second abyss took me like, wayy longer ta make, bout two months ish (i finished it like mid july). not necessarily in actual like, time spent building but cause in the process of makin it i had Two month long events i was in (Voiceteam in may and Art fight in july) so that distracted me a bit wkwnekeneie Im a bit more secretive bout the second abyss in general since not That many people have actually ran it compared ta the first n theres actually like, Things that can be spoiled in there <3 i like seein peep’s initial reactions its much more satisfying.

This didnt happen w/ everyone but i think a like, Core part of running the abyss is getting emotionally attached ta weird things. i wouldve said just torches until a few days ago when Tac (onea the rat server mods) ran it and claimed the stack of pumpkin pies i gave her as family. But Prior Ta That several people have had very intense emotions bout the redstone torches, whether love or hate or both, key example ft dog: 

Also not everyone ive mentioned on this post is in darkwoods! ive got a server i world editted the abyss inta so non-server members can run it for fun and profit (more data for me) :) on that note ive been slowly infecting the rat gang server cause my friend’s in there alot n another friend of mine’s a mod so peeps in there’ve been runnin it lately :) shout out ta TalonMC for lettin me subject him ta the Horrors literally our first conversation, onea my more fun first impressions i’d say

In regards to lore the abyss is a parasitic entity that infects anyone who gets stuck in there n slowly compells them ta go build their own lmao. note that ive only called the second abyss the Second one and not Abyss 2, because its technically just The Abyss as well cause theres many of them i just made it second wowjdkenejd (a real example of this is Wolff gettin obsessed w/ the abyss n then goin n buildin his own build called the Tower :) very excited bout that) The Abyss has a weird like fucked up warlock bond w/ my goddess oc The Overseer :D Her design’s vaugely based off my irl friend @hotcollectionoftubs cause her creation The Hole on a creative world her n some other friends of mine are on was onea the main insperations for certain aspects of the abyss’ lore :D mainly the teal in the colour palette and the whole ‘the [hole/abyss] provides’ thing. 

(my reference images for her and 3rd pic's art i commissioned from the Lovely @opuntie):

my darkwoods chara, Snake, is a whole nother bag entirely (basic gist is they’re a dimension traveler not by choice and darkwoods is the 3rd world theyve been in, their deal’s worth a whole post of its own lmao) i built the first abyss entirely unrelated ta my chara just as like, fun weird build ta torment my friends w/o yaknow? but then as i was buildin the 2nd one i was like hmmmmmm. alotta things could make sense if i made this one built by Snake. so their retirement arc on darkwoods turned inta even MORE trauma! wahoo! poor guy deserves a break,,, (he will not be getting one). 

(pre abyss + post abyss. i gotta properly draw pre-darkwoods Snake at some point but this dudes changed Alot ill say that lmao. both crops from bigger pieces on my art blog @fluxydrawings)

Anyway thats basically it! ive got more details and things locked in my brain ill probably remember in like 2 days after postin this so theres a chance ill reblog this w/ extra shit later lmao, sides that tho the abyss is my babygirl n thank yall for showin interest ^_^

Memes n shit to end us off:

[thepunkmuppet]

so i have been writing my ideal version of season 14 in my head laying awake at night for weeks now and someone else needs to hear about it before i go insane. so.

concepts that would make miss ruby sunday ✨interesting and spicy✨ without going against the evidence we already have:

she is from the near future (2046 possibly?? i heard that year floating around in relation to robert ap gwillam)

she is from the further future, potentially WAY further, but was sent back in time by weeping angels hence her seemingly modern clothing. also this makes way for a weeping angels episode. you’re welcome.

she either has splinters like clara or there is a spatial genetic multiplicity thing going on (like with gwen cooper and gwyneth), and she exists in multiple time periods (eg, 60s and regency like we have seen in promo photos)

she is some kind of creation of jinkx monsoon’s character or “the duchess”. we don’t know anything about these characters but they are described as “the doctors most powerful enemy yet” and “beware the duchess”. i think creating a companion would be a pretty cool thing for a villain to do (and would probably end in utter tragedy, in the interest of fucking the doctor up, which is always fun)

she is a zygon, other alien or even a time lord who thinks she is human living on earth. i have thought about this and it’s my absolute favourite. there is potential for a queer / outsider allegory which is always great (i don’t belong here, i feel like i’m hiding, etc). she can still be from the modern era, but would have a unique perspective and presence on the show due to actually not being from earth. if a zygon, she would be able to shapeshift, a helpful and never-before-seen skill to have on adventures with loads of fun possibilities. and it would just make the whoniverse feel interconnected, not just retconning important world events with “time can be rewritten” but actually acknowledging that yeah, there are zygons living on earth! remember that? now that ive thought about it, i really want this option…

she is actually from the 1960s or the regency era, and we are seeing it out of sync and/or assuming based on promo stuff that her modern clothing is her everyday clothing and the historical stuff is just for funsies. i would love a 60s companion because a character from the time of the shows creation next to a black doctor?? what a fucking boss move it would be so awesome

she is mia tyler. im adding this because it’s popular, but people are really grasping at straws here in my opinion and i just… don’t like this idea? if mia tyler ever appears i want them to make it damn well clear, at least with foreshadowing and stuff. i’m going into season 14 wanting new and fresh and original. not supernatural nostalgia-bait soap opera shit. “I’M YOUR DAUGHTER FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE” gimme a break i don’t like this one

she’s a unit or torchwood agent. this could actually be real! i like this one it’s fun, we know there’s gonna be a unit episode including kate stewart, why not have her be involved? love me a badass spy lady, plus it could open up martha jones and spin-off opportunities so….

she’s a secret villain. very broad and vague i know, but it’s never happened before and the shock horror twist of it all would just be so awesome, especially because millie has a background in soap operas lmao

her timeline is funky in some way. maybe she’s like river song, maybe she’s like clara, maybe she’s stuck in a time loop or is from an alternate universe or there’s something very wrong about the events of her life that means timey wimey stuff ensues

she’s a time lord / gallifreyan and possibly a relative of the doctor. possibly linked to susan in some way, or an otherwise relative of the doctor’s. a secret sibling (again, millie gibson’s soap opera background!!), his child / susan’s parent, someone linked to the doctors daughter jenny, etc etc

she’s a time agent. the idea of time agents is really cool but woefully unexplored, we only ever meet jack and john and sure you can’t beat the wives but i want to see the full potential of them, there’s so much you could do

if you can think of any more, please do share in tags and comments i wanna know other ways i can get my hopes up way too high!! :))

[fyodior]

Please tell me anything about patient care that you know!! I love that your passionate about it and I’d love to hear what you have to say!

this is so sweet i can't believe ur actually asking abt this 🥺

i think what a lot of people don't realize is that most direct patient care jobs are like. 60% actual medical practice and 40% just caring for them as people. like yes you're taking blood and giving baths and taking vitals and starting IV's blah blah blah but you're also (at the very least) being patient with the person who's been stuck in the hospital for weeks and is taking it out on you, and showing them compassion anyway. talking very kindly and explaining everything you're doing to the patient with a brain injury who can't communicate and could very well not understand a word you're saying - and being confident in your kindness!! because weathered and jaded people will try to take it from you. bc patients deserve not only thorough medical care but they also deserve kindness.

you also kinda have to be a quick learner or dedicated to trying to be one bc you'll get fucking whiplash with all the new medical terms, abbreviations, supplies, procedures, and practices you'll at the very least need to know the name/understand the concept of 💀 but if its something you're genuinely passionate about or have a desire to do it's all so worth it and it feels so good to actually practice medicine and make at least the tiniest bit of a difference in a person's life

[azumasoroshi]

going fucking insane over one of my wips because it's for a really small subgroup of a really small fandom of a really small fandom of a really big fandom that everyone fucking hates because people are cancelled like every other week and basically i cant talk about it with anyone without needing to explain like 60 pages worth of story that I wrote PLUS no one wants to talk about me because it's one of the cringiest ships in existence that sounds HORRENDOUSLY heteronormative on paper and like half the fandom calls them siblings even though they have been confirmed multiple times not to be and the other half is like oh the girl would never be in love with the guy because she's in love with the player!! as if being in love with her ideal of the player is healthy for her all and can't change or she can't fall out of love with someone whose interactions were limited to basically just looking at her, clicking through her text and DELETING HER

yeah so is about monipai as in monika from ddlc and senpai from friday fucking night funkin (i know. im sorry) im so down horrendous im on like seventeen doses of copium and counting and there's 11 total monipai works on ao3

one of them is mine and the other ones are either written by a 10 year old (because it's fucking fnf, what sane adult would write unironic fnf fanfiction) or unfinished (because fnf fics get no traction and unless you're fucking insane like me and have 60 pages of pure brainrot there is NOTHING keeping you going for such a nonexistent audience) and oh my god why am i here

the other fandoms ive been in recently are vashwood and shizaya and those are great!! those are normal!! vashwood has been getting boatloads of content that i cant stop looking at/reading and im getting fun ideas for aus and there's so many people in the community rn to interact with

and shizaya is a bit of struggle because the fandom is smaller but there's so much older content to go through/reread that it's fine and my posts about them get some traction and in some places you can actually talk to people who have been in the fandom from the beginning of time and overall it's a good fun time

AND THEN THERE'S MONIPAI. the ONE straight (bi4bi according to me and im always right) ship in fnf that no one likes because they're "sibling coded" for some god forsaken reason (and im usually all for sibling headcanons/prefer them over romantic ones but NOT THIS ONE SENPAI LITERALLY CONFESSED HIS LOVE FOR HER IN THE MOD) and it'll only make sense to people who like DDTO enough to not forget about it after playing like 19832529 other mods and even THEN like half of them ship it in the really cringe heteronormative way that dudebros ship them like GOD FUCKING HELL GET ME OUT OF HERE

ive never been madder about anything ive shipped ever. i LOVE getting comments on my fic and im surprised ive gotten any at all but holy shit

you know that one person who made like 3000 fics for their honeyworks throuple. honey i feel you cuz what the fuck is this

and with my usual ships i can send them to my friends who know what to expect and be like ok so these are the gayasses you're obsessed with this week but with this one. like the very premise is so ridiculous id be laughed out of their dms but this is literally like the most in-depth and serious ive gotten about any of my fanfiction plots ever (there's like themes and callbacks and motifs and everything, thats how you know it's bad). this is probably better written than my book drafts and it makes me SO MAD

ive even considered like. what if i just made them my ocs, since i've developed them so much and the plot is entirely my own creation. that might even be easier but the fic is so heavily based off of canon content that it just wouldntd make SENSE how am i supposed to rewrite all that canon lore when i take them out of it. i cant. im stuck tying them to ddtoverse

back to what i was originally talking about: basically i got this really nice comment on ao3 on my monipai fic and i was smiling really hard and spinning in my chair and i was inspired to try and write again so i update my. oh it's 71 pages. 71 page document to try and update chapter 3 and i end up going to my other ideas and workshopping them and suddenly ive penned down ideas for 4 DIFFERENT CLIMAXES?????????? AND THEY ALL HAVE THEIR PROS AND CONS AND THEY ALL BASICALLY LEAD TO THE SAME ENDNIG AND I DONT KNOW WHICH ONE TO CHOOSE AND I CANT ASK ANYONE BECAUSE IF THEY'RE INTERESTED ENOUGH TO READ IT I WANT THEM TO READ THE FIC AS IT'S BEING UPDATED BUT NO ONE'S INTERESTED ANYWAY

and trying to ask about which one i should choose while removing all incriminating details (read: monika and senpai's names) is so hard because there's SO much i have to explain as backstory and no one even responds to it anyway so there's no point :sob:

anyway i love monipai and specifically my version of monipai and it's legitmately ruining my life how's your day going

[and-but-so]

Console and protect and crack open and weep

Nursing often feels like a string of individual insane tasks and pieces that are cumulatively slammed together with outrageous force, resulting more entropy than one person can possibly comprehend. No one added task or step can be truly felt unless it happens to careen into the others just right and grip the divided attention of the person navigating the experience.

I took care of a woman today who has been through a lot in less than 60 years of life. She had a stroke, she had cancer, she lost her husband, and today she ended up in the hallway of TJUH ED around 1 pm in need of an especially painful packing of the structures inside her nose, because she was choking on clots of blood that poured down continuously. She had already been shuffled from New Jersey to Philadelphia, stuck in the hallway among some other deeply unhappy people. Eventually, as patients began to be moved to their inpatient areas I was able to bring her into one of my open rooms. In the room, we were able to give her some rest, some privacy, some relief.

She told me that she was familiar with hospitals because she had had a job in labor and delivery for years before her stroke put her out of work. She also revealed that her husband had passed away about a year ago of a sudden heart attack. Since then she had trapped herself in her room, suffering to the point where her family literally and physically dragged her out there to get her to try and re-enter the world. She resented that they did it, but acknowledged it was also for the best. She remembered how her husband made her laugh, how he held her close with his strong arms. She said that one of the last things they got to do together was take a cruise aboard the Spirit of Philadelphia, a riverboat on the Delaware, for dinner and dancing. He was never a dancer as far as she knew, and to her surprise, when he brought her to the floor to dance she found he had been taking lessons. She was so bowled over and she fawned over how such a seemingly ungraceful man could manage to surprise her this way. Recalling this memory brought her to tears. It was no wonder to me why and how she trapped herself in her room. I put my hand on her shoulder and offered consoling words I felt so dearly that I thought I would cry.

I administered some pain medication to ease her discomfort of being repeatedly prodded with instruments in both nostrils (so painful her resting heart rate shot to the 130s), tucked her in with a warm blanket and closed the door. She later told me that it was the first rest she had gotten in two days. At about 6:30 p.m., after she had weathered the four waves of visits from ENT residents jamming things in her nose without anesthesia, her bleeding had slowed and she felt safe going home with close follow-up next week. I removed her IV, reviewed the precautions she should come back to the ED for, and asked if she needed anything else. She thanked me so earnestly for the special care I had given her and I accepted this as gracefully as I've ever been able to. She said her nephews were on the way from New Jersey to pick her up and she needed clothing -- she had been transferred from the hospital where she had initially presented after bleeding through her shirt. I went rummaging in the closet for her requested 2XL t-shirt, knowing we rarely had what people were looking for. The article I pulled out of the bin was one of only two that we had: a soft gray t-shirt with an imagine of Snoopy with sunglasses on doing a really cocky lean. The caption next to him said: SO AWESOME IT HURTS. I couldn't think of a more appropriate item to offer to her.

When I handed her the shirt, she laughed. She found it just as fitting as I did. I made my way out of the room with "it was really my pleasure to care for you...". I find that I throw around "hope you feel better" so frequently it sometimes feels like it has lost meaning, but this time I truly meant it.

[1d1195]

I am in California! Specifically southern California so yeah it's always warm lol but that's the problem, it's been cold (cold for me which is 50-60sih) and it's very confusing since this isn't our usual weather! Plus it's also been really windy and the wind is cold lol And yeah sadly the timing was THE WORST!!!

It's okay that you chose to not go! like you knew your limit, you knew that it was something that wasn't going to be too enjoyable for you. especially if you had other things on your mind. It's not right that she made you feel bad about that even if you expressed that you were busy/didn't feel up for it. and even if you didn't say something about feeling off, respecting your choice is a MUST and knowing you, you probably declined in a nice way! So being upset that she couldn't respect that is valid! And being an independent person is good! like the fact that you can do things by yourself is something that a lot of people struggle with! there's nothing wrong about that.

I swear I listen to other artists and not just Paramore/ Paramore adjacent music HAHA like aside from that lyric, Ive had Good Luck Babe! by Chappell roan, Lejos de Ti(away from you) and Run Your mouth by The Marias and Bewitched by Laufey and like many more stuck in my head and I just cant seem to get it to stop lol

I kinda liked that they didn't have sex right away! I think her mentioning that "he ruined it" showed how sometimes the healing process is tricky and never linear! either way I always trust you and the process so Im excited!

I try so hard understand it like i have taken those quizzes, read articles and even watched videos! But I simply cant lol Nad you are very sweet!!! also sort of off topic but do you think Belle was disappointed once she saw the Beast in his human form?

Im glad your week was better! I hope that you rest this weekend my love!! thank you so much! ILY!!!-💜

Okay, it's coming back to me, when we talked about ideal temps a while back and I mentioned that 50/60 is my ideal temp 🤣 DEF the worst timing though :( I'm sorry!

She didn't make me feel that way per se, but I can read between the lines of course. Idk it's frustrating. I never say no and then I feel extremely guilty when I don't (have I mentioned Dolcezza before?) I even suggested she go herself and she was like "well, no. I won't go alone." Which I think is really tragic. It's freeing to do things by yourself, in my opinion. I don't mean to sound like 'she should just do it' but you kind of have to start somewhere with it. I'm an early bird so I used to get breakfast by myself in college, go for walks/runs, and honestly I had a whole day by myself in the mornings when no one else was awake. It was either eat breakfast on my own or I wasn't eating until like noon when everyone else woke up and that wasn't what I wanted. Anyway...

That's so cute! I'll have to give them a listen :)

They will definitely be sexual in the next part hahahahahaha

I've seen a lot of memes and tik toks about Belle and her disappointment of Beast HAHAHAHA I'm not sure, honestly! I had to google before and after images to remember what I thought at the time. Not sure if we're talking animated or live-action too, but either way, he's pretty cute in human form. I'm sure it was probably an adjustment for her, regardless. I personally don't like long hair on guys all that much (except Harry obviously because he can do no wrong, ever) so I struggle with that in general but it was a reflection of the time, I suppose. I want to know why they didn't call him Adam. Like it already sucks he's a transformed monster and hates himself already. like why are they calling him The Beast? ESPECIALLY when they know he's a d-bag to begin with? Like why make him MADDER? That would certainly make me mad and I would probs throw Lumiere and Cogsworth out a window (sorry I'm apparently really passionate about Beauty and The Beast).

Hope this week starts off easier for you 💕

xoxo

[thegreatclowncat]

The results of a Fast

for the last 20ish days I picked something to fast, and so i took the opportunity to stop consuming entertainment: I could only create to keep busy. for the past three years, ive had so much trouble getting myself to do things i wanted to do! i could barely get myself to draw or to craft or to make anything. so i made it my only option.

No videos, unless they were tutorials on something i was currently making or instrumental music. No movies, no tumblr, no pinterest, no video games. The exception to this was that I could engage in all of these when I was hanging out at my bf's house twice per week.

I could only create to keep myself entertained, and let me say, I've never been so entertained in my life.

consumable entertainment was almost impossible to wean myself from before, but apparently dropping everything cold Worked. You know, with the extra backup that i am being watched with omniscience to keep me on track.

it was hard for the first two days. every time i was bored (every 30-60 minutes), instead of going to youtube to see what interesting thing there was, i was forced to pick which activity i would have the most fun with. So far I have started developing an app, learning how to use Godot, and composing creepy chiptune music. i made titanium jewelry. ive been dancing or at least exercising each day. I forgot about youtube and tumblr by day 3 (thank you, non-habit-forming-ness).

one thing that has helped infinitely much is that I got an app to ring a bell and tell me the time every 30 minutes, like the clock tower I used to live by. i no longer lose hours of my day because i cant tell that time is passing.

one thing i wasnt expecting: i usually have a hard time waiting for things. eg if i have to leave in 30 minutes, i find a video to watch or scroll until i leave. or if i have something in 2 hours, i wont try a task that might take too long. now, when i have class in an hour, im like "great i will compose music" or "time to experiment with this makeup powder" until the second i have to go

because im bored! im so bored all the time and theres too much time in a day, but i have many things i can do with my hands and thats the best

the hardest thing to stay away from was video games. towards the end of my fast, i broke it and played spiritfarer for a few days, but i stopped again. and now im logging back in to tumblr send my friends memes.

what's most important is now, when i do these "consumed entertainment" things, my brain asks to go back to creating. I had such a mental high and a giant dopamine return that these consuming-things leave me unsatisfied. which is good! they werent satisfying to begin with, but i was still stuck on them because i didnt know what other options i had.

I will take efforts to restrict my time with consuming entertainment. i will probably let myself look at tumblr like. once per week, maybe even less. I will play video games for 2 hours on non-school days. I dont think i will watch youtube outside of when I am sewing clothes. I tasted freedom and i dont want to lose it again. it was great, and now i am going to make a tune on JummBox

[paxtonbirthstory]

August 11th -- Happy birthday, Paxton

I woke up around 3AM feeling a little crampy. Not anything too bad, but enough to wake me up. I fell back asleep but still had the feeling when I woke up that morning. I also had a little bit of blood on the toilet paper, so I started to get a little concerned. (Ok, a lot concerned.)

I called the OBGYN department and told them what was going on to see if I should go to Labor & Delivery instead of my normal NST appointment that morning. The nurse went to talk to a doctor and came back on the phone to say I should probably get checked out, but the L&D unit is really full today, so I should probably go to the Woodland Hills Kaiser instead of my normal Sunset location -- just in case. They wouldn't want me to be stuck waiting in a hallway on the unlikely chance I was going into labor.

I said ok, hung up, and immediately started crying. I do not want to have this baby away from my doctors who know all the shit this kid and I have been through. Frank calms me down and says we're just getting checked out, it will be fine.

So I drove myself up to a foreign hospital.

When I got to the area, I navigated my way through the parking garage -- circling up to the top floor. How was I ever going to remember where I parked over here? I took a picture and tried to figure out where Labor & Delivery was.

I went through an outdoor Covid line and was pointed in the direction of L&D.

I kept thinking everyone probably thought I was just visiting because I still wasn't hugely pregnant. I was only 35 weeks along with a small baby. I haven't even taken bump pictures!

When I got to the front desk, I told them I was cramping and spotting and gave them the quick rundown. I really just wanted an NST and to be told all was good and it's time to go home.

They set me up in a room and had me change into a gown -- I think. I can't remember when I was given a gown since I'm usually in my normal clothes for the NST. And not thinking about it, I was already in my own room which is different from normal too. Hmm... I sent Frank a picture of me in the gown with a "sigh" at 11AM.

Anyway -- they hooked baby up to the monitors and two nurses kept coming in to check on me. At one point, the newer nurse couldn't find the heartbeat, which isn't uncommon because babies move. She called in another nurse who had me flip from one side to the other and before I knew it, they had pushed a button on the wall, put an oxygen mask on me and another nurse was coming at me with an IV. I start crying immediately thinking this was the moment I lose my baby.

Next thing I know, I'm on all fours waiting to hear a sound on the monitors, nothing. So they start to flip me again and a nurse is yelling "needle! needle!" The nurse with the IV backs up as they untangle all the monitor wires wrapped around me and then we get a heartbeat. It strengthens and some of the nurses leave. They tell me dad should try to get here soon because we don't want that to happen again. The heartbeat is there, but it had dipped to 60 when it should be around 140+.

Frank gets stuck in the Covid line trying to park and I tell him we're just waiting on him and they will be delivering the baby. This was not the plan! Frank can't wrap his head around the fact that the baby is actually coming...now.

When he gets to the room, there is confusion about my blood thinner shot I took that morning. There is a young doctor telling us I'm going to have to be put all the way under -- which I definitely don't want, so I argue that the other doctor said I was fine, so now everyone is double checking everything.

Turns out, they are going to knock me out completely and Frank can't come in for the birth of our son anymore.

Being put to sleep and never waking up to see Quinley again has been one of my worst nightmares since hearing about thei baby's complications. I am terrified as I'm being wheeled into the operating room. They start taking all my jewelry off and one of my nurses -- I will never forget -- holds my head in her hands, looking at me upside down and says, "We've got you. You are going to be ok." This calms me a little bit and they put the mask on my face to go to sleep. I can still hear all the chaos around me as I lose consciousness.

***

When I open my eyes, I'm lost and can't really remember where I was, but they hand me a baby and I just grab him and start crying. I can't believe he's actually here. No tubes, no wires, just so so tiny. 4 lbs tiny.

I just keep asking if he can stay with us and "is he ok?" His breathing is a little labored, but he's great.

Once we get to our room, our nurse says she's a little concerned about his breathing and wants to take him to the NICU to get checked. Of course, we are fine with this -- I'm almost relieved because I still don't believe he's totally fine after the pregnancy we've had.

So of course he gets admitted up there and they want to give him some oxygen to help him breath easier. I am told to sleep and Frank has to check on Quinley -- who, by the way, had to be picked up from school early because the school had Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease all over and they closed early. They will stay closed the next day. While I was in surgery, Frank had to arrange for our neighbor, Amy, to pick her up. Insanity!

The next 3 days were spent healing, pumping, and visiting the little guy in the NICU. It is so hard to see him on a feeding tube with a tiny little oxygen tube in his nose and wires all over his body. But he is so strong -- each day he progresses.

First day, he's regulating his body temp....next, he's breathing Room Air...then finally, they can take the feeding tube out. I was actually pumping and starting to get some milk to give to him...we were looking pretty good on the Paxton front.

Me on the other hand....

[zahhaxx]

im stuck in genshin impact again and i need to grind ascension materials to get everyone to 60 and i hate grinding and i really wanna continue the story but the bosses are scary and too strong and i wanna be overleveled so i have a chance against them. i also really wanna pull for hu tao for the thunder manifestation because amber sucks ass. im not using amber if i don't have to her ability is useless and her charge is so fucking slow. diona would be fucking awesome too or literally any fire or cryo ranged user bc i only have diluc, kaeya, and layla. i also have bennet and thoma but idk how to use them and they're not ranged so they're useless for the thunder manifestation. i don't have enough primogems to pull for hu tao!!! i'm doing as many quests as i can and unlocking stuff i just can't get enough!! i think i only have like 500 rn...so that's why i decided that grinding is probably the best thing for me to do bc it'll get everyone leveled and i'll earn some pg at the same time. i wish tighnari was more useful for the thunder manifestation! i know quicken and spread are pretty good i just don't know how to capitalize on it. also dont get me STARTED on tatara tales i'm stuck on the stupid activate the mechanism part and i HATE FIGHTING THE FATUI they're so annoying and im not fast enough to beat all of them before they destroy the mechanism and also tatara has that STUPID ELECTRO FIELD that damages you constantly and i know that the electrograna stops that but it doesn't last long enough when you're busy fighting!!! i can't think about all that all at once!!! i also still haven't fought raiden shogun and idk if i'm ever gonna be ready for that she terrifies me!!! ive been avoiding her and i don't even know how to prepare for her

but anyway this has really occupied my entire brain for the past week and even lost interest in ts4 bc this is all i can think about and its honestly exhausting!! genshin is still so much fun i just can't focus on any other game. scrolling through tumblr is making me feel really weird bc i see all your sims stuff and new cc and i feel left out but also i can't be bothered with it but that scares me because now i think i'm losing interest???? i don't wanna lose interest i still feel really satisfied when i make a good sim!! i wish i could spread myself thinner or i wish there were more hours in a day so i can do all the happy things!!!

[intergrader]

wow I really said I would post this summer but school starts in a week whoop de doo

[proserpine-in-phases]

Man today was a fuckin day

[gh-0st-y]

LETS GO BABY ANOTHER FIC YIPPEE

— Top Of Our School

summary : you and riddle have always been at eachothers neck, aiming to have a higher score than the other in any test. but when a project worth 60% of your grade shows up and you and riddle are paired together, you have to put your hatred aside.

cw : nothin much, swearing, gn!reader

a/n : riddle x reader academic rivals to lovers is the best trope, change my mind - theres also a change from 1st person to 2nd randomly so

riddle was annoying. acting like he knows whats right and whats wrong, all high and mighty with his crown and scepter, collaring anyone who dare disobey. what a prick.

every time we had a test, i could see his stupid face, how his lips were practically stuck in a smug way, then he would look at me with that smug look. fucking bastard. i always gave him a tight lipped smile.

we'd been at eachothers neck for seven knows how long - one test hes above my mark and the next ive beaten him by a mark or two. back and forth like a swing. i despise him.

i hate him with his big pretty grey eyes that stare at my mark with a hateful look, knowing ive beaten him once again. i hate his perfect lips that quirk into a smile when he sees ive lost. i hate the way his eyebrows furrow everytime hes lost. i hate his guts.

"alright. you have a project due in four weeks. you must work in pairs, which i have chosen for this," crewel spoke as he began to pair people together. you could only hope youd be paired with someone good.

"riddle and..[name]." crewels voice rang through your ears, and you stopped breathing. what? riddle? that must be a mistake, theres no way.

after the lesson finished, you walked up to crewel, an angelic smile on your face to persuade, "crewel, sir - is there any chance i could swap partners? im not sure me and..riddle will work together very well," you asked as politely as you could muster in this situation.

"sorry pup, but i cant. even still, you two have the highest grades - what makes you think you wont work well together?" way to crush a persons hope

"well, sir - we just dont..communicate very well." you chuckled nervously, clenching your teeth together.

"well this project is worth 60% of your grade so..you best start learning to communicate better." crewel chuckled. you could feel your pride shatter.

walking out of the classroom, you groaned. until a voice spoke

"so we're paired together." riddles annoying obnoxious voice spoke up.

"WHY ARE-" you breathed, "why are you here?!"

"because we need to work together. let us head to the library." he walked off, and you stood there, eye twitching. the next two weeks were going to be hell.

or thats what you thought. but after two weeks, it wasnt as bad as you thought. though hes ever so headstrong about the million and one rules up his ass, its surprisingly not as hard to talk to him.

"–that is it for today. we will continue this tomorrow, as per usual." riddle stood up from his seat in ramshackle, gathering all of his belongings.

"wait, why do you always have to end it at-" you looked at the time on your phone, reading 4:00, "- four?"

"because rule—"

"oh my seven, stop with the rules for once," you groanes, standing up. riddle looked shocked, staring at your figure

"pardon? what did you say?" he spoke, his eyes blown with anger.

"i said stop with the rules for once. take a break or something, or stay here and get more of this project done," you walked over to him, trapping him against the wall, looking down at him. you moved your face closer to his, using you hand to holding chin, almost studying him. you could feel riddles face heat up beneath your fingers, and his breath hitching as your lips came scarily close.

chuckling, you stepped back, "or dont. you can leave, i dont care," you shrugged, tidying up your stuff.

"w-well–..i suppose i can stay a bit..longer," riddles voice spoke shakily. you turned back around to face him, raising a brow at his sudden change of decision. but instead of looking at your eyes, he looked between your lips and the floor.

"eyes up here, rids." you pointed to your eyes, watching how his face exploded in red

"i-i know-!"

he was cut off with your lips against his, "you seemed so enthralled by me, i thought id let you have a taste."

riddle felt like he was going to faint, no words escaping him. but he wasnt mad, infact, he was very happy.

maybe being paired together was fate.

a/n : grinning like the cheshire cat ASF 😝😝😝

[epikhightechnology]

I really wanna draw Build and Bible and also Apo but im stuck on this San drawing that i cant finish for the life of me

I dont think it even looks like him anymore cause ive been staring at it for weeks and i also started another bang yongguk drawing thats turning out horribly.. anyways not that anyone cares but i will draw my vegaspete boys at some point 👍 we may all be like 60 by then but i'll do it