#ive struggled with free creativity in the past too

[thegreatclowncat]

The results of a Fast

for the last 20ish days I picked something to fast, and so i took the opportunity to stop consuming entertainment: I could only create to keep busy. for the past three years, ive had so much trouble getting myself to do things i wanted to do! i could barely get myself to draw or to craft or to make anything. so i made it my only option.

No videos, unless they were tutorials on something i was currently making or instrumental music. No movies, no tumblr, no pinterest, no video games. The exception to this was that I could engage in all of these when I was hanging out at my bf's house twice per week.

I could only create to keep myself entertained, and let me say, I've never been so entertained in my life.

consumable entertainment was almost impossible to wean myself from before, but apparently dropping everything cold Worked. You know, with the extra backup that i am being watched with omniscience to keep me on track.

it was hard for the first two days. every time i was bored (every 30-60 minutes), instead of going to youtube to see what interesting thing there was, i was forced to pick which activity i would have the most fun with. So far I have started developing an app, learning how to use Godot, and composing creepy chiptune music. i made titanium jewelry. ive been dancing or at least exercising each day. I forgot about youtube and tumblr by day 3 (thank you, non-habit-forming-ness).

one thing that has helped infinitely much is that I got an app to ring a bell and tell me the time every 30 minutes, like the clock tower I used to live by. i no longer lose hours of my day because i cant tell that time is passing.

one thing i wasnt expecting: i usually have a hard time waiting for things. eg if i have to leave in 30 minutes, i find a video to watch or scroll until i leave. or if i have something in 2 hours, i wont try a task that might take too long. now, when i have class in an hour, im like "great i will compose music" or "time to experiment with this makeup powder" until the second i have to go

because im bored! im so bored all the time and theres too much time in a day, but i have many things i can do with my hands and thats the best

the hardest thing to stay away from was video games. towards the end of my fast, i broke it and played spiritfarer for a few days, but i stopped again. and now im logging back in to tumblr send my friends memes.

what's most important is now, when i do these "consumed entertainment" things, my brain asks to go back to creating. I had such a mental high and a giant dopamine return that these consuming-things leave me unsatisfied. which is good! they werent satisfying to begin with, but i was still stuck on them because i didnt know what other options i had.

I will take efforts to restrict my time with consuming entertainment. i will probably let myself look at tumblr like. once per week, maybe even less. I will play video games for 2 hours on non-school days. I dont think i will watch youtube outside of when I am sewing clothes. I tasted freedom and i dont want to lose it again. it was great, and now i am going to make a tune on JummBox

[bl00dh0rs3]

Its so wild to me sometimes just how like. Divorced from nature we are as a species. Like that's the exact word for it. I was just chilling on my back porch with my cats, smoking, the usual, and there was a heron hanging out on the fence with us. And i was whistling and giggling to myself and saying words and whatever, and he was lookin at me like 'wtf'--you know how animals do. And i reminded me of all the other times ive had encounters like this with animals in the past, and the stories we always hear other people talking about and i just. Man. Imagine how much more frequently stuff like that was happening in the past, before the industrial revolution at the VERY least, but even *farther* back then that ideally. Just.... that kind of reminder that WE are also animals, and we're all on this earth Together. As humans in the modern age, i feel like we have a habit of always. feeling as though we are outsiders looking in? We've becomes so attached to this idea of Controlling as MUCH as we can of our physical environment at all times. And while it has always been in the name of self preservation and a testimony to our intelligence and creativity as a species, i do also very much feel like we've taken it way too far, not just for the good of the animals and environment, but to ourselves, mentally. How sad is it that the average person would struggle to survive in the wild for more than, like, a week? We used to thrive there. WITH all the other animals. Animals with just as much free will as we do. Which sounds so obvious when i type it out but like!!!! All creatures can literally do just fuck all!!! All of us are just ballin' through life!!! That bird that flew over the square while you were headed to your class is also tired and hasn't had breakfast yet! That cat you're playing with is feeling just as excited and giddy as you are during the game!! The animals at the zoo are watching YOU too!!! We are all just Out Here!

Holy shit an even bigger heron just flew by and it sounded so fucking dinosaur. Jesus christ. Everything is connected always. What if our soul is just the first atom that took the path to become us

[summer-2024]

i will be a senior in high school in the fall and im very excited!

my main goals for this summer are:

1. apply for scholarships

2. learn to wake up with alarms and not my parents

3. be kinder to everyone (including myself)

4. (and the most unrealistic) get into a relationship again!

elaborating further:

1. the college i would like to go to is quite expensive but i fell in love with the campus and its only about an hour from my town, so i need to make up the change using scholarships. merit based scholarship through the collage covers most, and my parents will help with room and board, but there is still a good chunk i need to make up through other specialty scholarships. im doing a camp there soon to make sure i really love it so im just researching a bit right now. im planning on looking on wensites like bold.org etc

2. i need to learn how to do this asap. the camp i mentioned previously is in eleven days and breakfast starts at 7:30 and i struggle with alarms a lot. i just set one for 7:30 tomorrow morning so fingers crossed. its 11:25 now so quite late, but lights out at the camp is at 11 i think. im worried i wont get enough sleep

3. im really not a very kind person, im mean and its not good at all. im rude to myself and others and its not okay and it negatively impacts me and others. i want to be more kind, and that includes to my body. the gym has a free summer program so im planning on starting to work out as well so hopefully that will help improve my kindness as well. i need to find an exercise plan however. if i put in effort for myself thats like humility right? i got a gratitude journal as well so we will see.

4. my ex girlfriend broke up with me a little over a year ago, and ive had crushes since then but i havent even flirted with anyone i dont think. the guy i had a crush on last summer is dating another girl but the other guy i have a crush on (ironically they have the same name) just began following me on instagram so maybe theres something there. time will tell! i dont think we will have many classes together next year because i only plan to take one ap class, and this year most of our shared classes were aps (i took four this year and it was decidedly wayy too many.). regardless, im really hoping he will do this one class where they do writing for a book that my class puts together (im in graphic design) because he does creative writing and ive been fantasizing us working together on the book because the writing class this past year was all older than me and i wasnt close to many. nothing will likely come of attempting to date but we will see!

here is to hoping this summer is good!

also the reason i have so much time to do all of this is because my job isnt scheduling me but 6 hours a week so i have time to kill. i might get a second job though.

[callmethehunter]

I've read a few fics by different authors about Robert, and I'm kinda confused. They portray him in different ways, so what's his personality like in different aspects? I know that he's extroverted (I saw him getting typed as an ENFJ) and extra, and has a warm heart, but what about his flirtiness and apparent hedonism? How does his rural ideals contrast with touring? I know people are multifaceted and no one's flawless, but I still wanna know some things for certain.

Oh dear Anon, you have made my day! These are great questions about my favorite subject in the world: Robert Plant.:D And as far as that goes, I could (and will) go on and on about this forever, I’ve got so much to say!!

I’ve been obsessed with Robert’s music as well as with his personal life for years. I find him to be a multifaceted, highly talented and intelligent person who embodies traits that one would think were mutually exclusive, yet are somehow at home in him. He is without a doubt, totally outrageous and extroverted, he wants to be the center of attention, yet he is also reclusive, a deep thinker who is keenly aware of the world around him while also being introspective and self-aware. In his own words he has said

“It's part of me to get off on those moments where... well, what people would call attention. Obviously, that isn't the be-all and end-all of life, but at the states of creativity that I've reached, well, it helps the lyrics along a little bit.”

“ I’m pleased with how ridiculous I am. I like me. Though I’m not a huge fan. I know when to switch me off.”

I do think he has a very warm heart. He is genuinely interested in other people, in experiencing the most out of any given situation.

In my opinion, he loves the idea and the feeling of falling in love. He gets off more on that than on the longevity of it. It’s like he’s got ADHD in the aspect of love lol!! I say this because of the number of serious relationships (and not so serious relationships) that he has had in his life. I’m sure he was saddened when they ended, but then he’s moved on to the next great infatuation and adventure. He’s quite capable of starting again, as he has shown multiple times both in his personal and professional life. But I also think it’s a testimony to his heart that he’s been able to continue to be friends with his past loves. “There have been people I've warmed to over the years but, as the situation I'm in is so fleeting and transient, I've always known it's going to be over kind of real quick.”

I mean think about this: after having children with two sisters, Maureen (his exwife) and Shirley, they have been able to raise their children in what looks like a loving extended family. His sons, Logan (with Maureen) and Jesse (with Shirley), are half-brothers as well as first cousins. Just think on that for a moment. In a recent picture, there’s the entire family on vacation: Maureen, Shirley and their children with Robert, as well as Robert and a previous girlfriend, Jessica something or other (don’t remember her name). He’s not confined to societal conventions. He could give a flying fuck. I love that free spirit and he himself has said (and I paraphrase) that he may come across as being a good mate, but in reality he’s out to do whatever the fuck he wants. (And it shows!! )

He says, “...if you do what you think is right for the benefit of everybody and everything and you make decisions, then to go back and regret them afterwards - it's a futile experience and it's not worth thinking about. Because life just unfolds. Provided you do your best and you think you're on the right track, you can only be right or wrong. But to regret it - I don't think there are any huge errors or misdemeanors.”

In the area of friendship, however, he is fiercely loyal. He and Bonzo were like brothers till the end, and even still, Robert honors his dear friend. He’s also been able to maintain friendships with so many people from his hometown- people he knew before he was famous. He puts away the trappings of fame and fortune to be the good old Black Country boy, riding horses and playing with goats, walking around in the forests and enjoying nature.

“I think I could sing and shear a few sheep at the same time.” he says. He is the picture of the word “earthiness”. Able to be the rock god on stage as well as the humble farmer on the farm or at the local pub. He’s loyal to his soccer team and to the sport itself which has been a lifelong passion. I love that in him.

Is he a hedonist? Absolutely!! he has tasted every pleasure there is to taste. His every material wish could be a reality in an instant...He has done drugs, had hundreds of one night stands. He is a highly sensual man. IMO the sexiest man that’s ever walked the planet. His sizeable bulge perpetually stands as a symbol (no pun intended) of his virility and lust (and I like it!!) He exudes charisma and raw sexual energy. He’s done it all to the highest level, partied and cavorted around the globe. What a life he’s lived!!

But he is also soulful- in his lyrics there is also a deep spiritual side of him: I think he is a modern day troubadour and philosopher. His lyrics touch on that, “it is the springtime of my loving” ….“In the light you will find the road” “when all is one and one is all” “Then as it was, then again it will be, though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea” and I could go on and on with other examples. These are just what popped in my head. “I am a reflection of what I sing. Sometimes I have to get serious because the things Ive been through are serious” He’s experienced moments where he is the “golden god” as well as tragic moments such as the loss of his 5 year old son and the loss of his dear friend Bonzo. These are definitely reflected in his music.

And finally, in his own words:

“I'm like one of those firecrackers that goes off in your pocket occasionally. I'm not really struggling with it as much as the people around me. But at least I'm not doing too much damage to anybody or to myself. It's just the condition I'm aware of."

And he’s still got a twinkle in him and always will.

Thank you for letting me go and on about this man, he holds such a special place in my heart. He is a beautiful and joyous old hippie full of wisdom and talent. He has created a lasting legacy and I hold the deepest admiration for him, despite his human frailties or shortcomings.

If you have read this far, you deserve a kiss and a medal! Thanks so much for this ask!!

[crisps-craft]

Hello💕 hope you're having a wonderful day. If it's ok, can I please ask for a soul reading?

Initial - K

My big 3: ♐ sun, ♊ moon, ♒ rising

Take care and thank you sm for offering these readings💞

hello! here are the cards i pulled:

8 of wands, queen of cups, wheel of fortune, page of pentacles, 9 of swords, 7 of swords, world, high priestess and strength

something about your energy is very sensitive. i think that you are very perceptive into people- you can feel energy shifts, you can look at someone and read them very well. in a way, you are like an observer. sometimes you find yourself more on the sidelines, per say. while other people are more social and extroverted and contributing to noise, you like to dwell in your own energy and inner truth. you might like time alone for that reason- you like having time alone so you can search for higher meaning in life- i think you are also very curious! :) i think that you like to be more deliberate with your energy and you prefer more deep and contemplative conversations rather than superficial things. some people might find you sort of intense and almost feel like you can see straight through them (because, well, you can haha) you like spending time alone because you feel like you can get your creative juices flowing, you can reflect on your inner truths and what your soul is lead by, etc. also, you appreciate recharging your own energy. i feel like you listen to music a lot and your energy is more on the upbeat side !! like even with this intensity, your soul is still very bright and happy.

ive definitely seen souls who are lone wolves but have a much darker and dampened energy- but the really cool thing is that in alone time, your energy is very lively, happy, and kind of excited? u just really like to vibe alone its very healing for you :) you know how to be on your own and be okay with just your own company. you know how to take care of yourself and you can find a lot of inner self power in being independent and free! at the end of the day, you are learning and appreciating your worth and trying to keep your best interests in mind. even if you dont realize it, i feel like you have your shit together ! :)

you can get kind of insecure around your family- i feel like you might have a bit of an identity crisis / confusion thing going on around them. you know who you are, but you worry that they do not because they try to project what they want to see instead of what is actually there. you might have struggled with that in the past and you felt very lost in translation. however, i think that you have developed a sort of radical self-love approach to this- you are kinda like "i am who i am, screw conforming to anyone" mentality. you are very strong in who you are- i heard "i know who the fuck i am" haha. this doesnt have to be literal, it can just be figurative, but maybe you come from a more conservative family? or they arent as open to new ideas as you are. in this way, you kinda felt like a black sheep and like you had to raise yourself intellectually. your energy definitely has a fiery aspect to it (esp since u r a sag!) i think you can be very defiant and rebellious! its easier for you to get impatient or angry with close minded people who try to restrict you. you definitely have a fiery attitude ! :)

overall, i really enjoy your energy! i hope that this could help :) working with the element of fire could be good for you. candles, incense, etc. i think that those resources can sort of "warm" up your energy and they make you feel more balanced and in tune with yourself. you also like action and adventure- you like things that give you a rush. there's a sort of excitement in your soul, too. i think you like taking day adventures sort of thing, trying to new things, exploring. you like spending a day with friends with no plan but a car and the open road type vibe. very free and fun :)

[florenceisfalling]

YOU!!! HI THERE ITS ME FROM THE COMMENTS HI THERE

ive been roaming your blog for the past hour or so and dude like i said befote i adore your art!! you have such amazing anatomy skills bro- how in the world do you do it!?! gosh i am absolutely in love with your art its not even funny :']]

~krabs :]

YOOOO HEY WHATS UP

you're so sweet?? oh my god??? that's so nice aaaaaa thank you so so much! seriously! your art is wonderful too and im honored that you like mine!

i know this wasn't the point of ur ask entirely but i kinda went on a tangent so...

anatomy is tricky, i have such a hard time with it sometimes- but my best advice is to use lots of references! it's super helpful to work up from drawn references to photo references to studies straight from your brain! over time you learn to separate bodies down into separate building blocks instead of one big confusing thing (something i always struggle with) so that you can a.) make poses easier and b.) have fun and experiment with how they look in your style.

places i find drawn references:

kibbitzer has a million things. very helpful! they also have a whole book of references and studies you can buy!

snuffysbox has draw the squad/draw the ot3 poses in a more cartoonish style, but you gotta give credit & not use them for commercial purposes!!!! always check that kind of thing!!

kim_gilgyu has good refs but since its twitter you might have to do a lot of scrolling to find em :'D

just looking up "art reference" on google images and finding people's twitter & dA accounts through there is super helpful!

places i find photo refs:

adorkastock is a fucking treasure trove of poses, especially action poses and fun stuff. highly recommend!

unsplash is a free-use image site where the photographers don't require payment but appreciate credit or support! their stuff is also good for making moodboards & stuff :D

if you can't find what you need, use a timed camera and take some of your own photos! i have to do this for hand poses a lot...

you can also combine poses! that one antistein drawing i'm really proud of is like the first example that comes to mind, cause i wanted something specific, which meant taking photos of my own hands & knives and photoshopping them onto a photo of 2 people dancing.

another option if you can't find what you want or you wanna go creative: magic poser & justsketchme. some features are for paying or mobile users only, but a lot of it can be done in your browser for free :D it's super handy for making your own references!

tHANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR NICE WORDS AND SORRY FOR RAMBLING ABOUT REFERENCES ITS JUST SOMETHING I LOVE TO HELP WITH! PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT AND FIND WHAT YOU HAVE THE MOST FUN WITH!! THATS ALL THANK YOU AGAIN AAAAAAAAa

[imasimpforstevengrant]

Why do we like this clown so much?

Change the "we" for "I" and you get an usual tag I use whenever I post my content in Tumblr. And it sounds funny at first but whenever you start diving into that phrase, the deeper it becomes. So, I finally have decided to share my thoughts about this strange but wholesome attraction to this deeply flawed character. It's not something I usually do since I don't know how to write down my feelings properly and also in english so please forgive any typos (I'm from Chile so don't be surprised lol).

So...Why do we like this clown so much?

Why was it that a character precisely designed to scare and to disgust the fuck out of us ended up unchaining a series of feelings that shouldn't have taken place in a beginning?

Let's take a look at the background: Joaquin Phoenix was cast as Arthur Fleck/Joker in 2018. The first image of him as the aforementioned character revealed a deeply disturbed man. We knew the plot. A man driven to insanity after a brutal history of abuse, creating concern in people if the upcoming film would inspire real life violence. Incel violence and mass shootings, more specifically.

(the image in question)

As 2019 arrives, the two trailers generated so much hype that media needed to fuel its concern about it. Since it wasn't your typical comic book film, media basically bombed our minds making us believe this film was going to be a total disaster, an excuse to cause harm to others among other nonsense, as if the film would justify everything Arthur would do in the film, eventually. As the release date is closer, the film receives thunderous applause and unanimous praise from critics. At this, fans rejoiced and expressed impatience to watch the film.

October 5th.

People left the theaters amazed, shocked and genuinely moved by the inhuman treatment Arthur received in the film. The fear media tried so desperately to infuse in us with all the incel bullshit and such turned out to awake one of the most positive, best feelings in humans:

E M P A T H Y

The word that so gloriously cleared away any dark thoughts or actions not only proves media was wrong but it turned out to ridicule it in way nobody will forget: Hundreds of people advocating for mental illness, calling out to the kindness that could change a person's bad day and questioning how politicians and rich people are indifferent to social problems proved how much as a society we have changed in comparison with the one shown in the film.

However, since we are on Tumblr, I'll get straight to the point and try to explain why the fuck does this clown has us dying out of love and compassion (and lust).

I. Background.

As nurturing as we women are for a biological matter, we see a man deprived of a good job, is on seven different medications, working like a slave to sustain his ill mother, putting aside his own health and well-being to look for her, struggling to make his dream of being a comedian despite everyone stepping on him, underpaid and treated like a freak for a disorder he did not ask to suffer, which makes it impossible to be indifferent to all the horrible ordeal that eventually will reach the limit of what he can tolerate without going insane. It is impossible to not say or think, at least, that someone (even if it's just one person) should stand for him just as it is impossible not to feel the need to throw ourselves at him to shield him from people who hurt him or simply offer him our shoulder whenever he has had a bad day, specially when he learns he was sexually assaulted by his step father.

This horrid behaviour terrifies newer generations because they get a taste of what being a social outcast was like more than thirty years ago in comparison with today, where there's more acceptance and treatment for mentally ill people like Arthur. We see in him someone who could have been saved with a proper education and emotional support instead of descending into madness as a criminal. Others simply saw themselves being treated like him at some point in their lives and couldn't help but put themselves in his shoes.

II. Personality.

TRUTH BE TOLD:

There's something called "attraction by proximity". It is the explanation to the eventual love you feel whenever someone doesn't catch your eye at first terms of physical attraction but his/her personality does attract you. This happens to be the base of this situation. His shyness, introverted nature, tenderness and innocent desire to make people laugh and put on a happy face awake some kind of tenderness we cannot resist. This combined with the gloomy background increases our understanding (but not justifying) of the bad decisions he'll eventually take during the course of the film. This traces a line of harsh, almost hurtful contrast of the violence he shows later on the film. Once again, it is not justified in any way but it is certainly understandable.

III. Appearance.

Arthur Fleck is unconventionally attractive.

This happens to be a plus for most women. He is out of the male beauty standards (no abs, not too muscly or particularly tall), which makes him even more unique. It is precisely the fact that he's not a model one of the reasons women love him. He could easily be your man next door or your colleague or the guy you always see but never dare to talk for fear to bother him Because it's about proximity. Arthur looks like your common neighbour. He's not meant to be your typical desirable male protagonist at all.

... And yet.

Jesus Christ, he's so fucking hot I can't even---

It's not about how beautiful his green eyes are, his long slender fingers, his hair or his smile only. It's the charm behind it.

Another "magnet point" is the way he dresses. I know he's impoverished and his wardrobe tend to be repetitive but it is so unpretentious, so simple that is hard to not fall for. The modesty of the shirts, ironed trousers reminds us of a mature man deeply withdrawn into himself, love starved and longing to be seen and loved by others, like a war veteran who still fights the most important war: with himself. Is someone who needs to be listened and understood.

AND OF COURSE WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE ABOUT IT?

He's also brought back the old gentleman outfit, white shirts, red/yellow vest, red suit and elegant dancing moves and the retro style of the film boosts this attractiveness.

People keep comparing him with the previous interpretation of Joker (Leto's) whose costume appealed to young women with a tattooed, gangster, mumble rapper crazy-guy wannabe which didn't connect with the audiences (young people in general). This supposedly was to match or even have a sexy, tormented and desirable villain like Marvel's Loki. We all know how that story ended but it's the link for the next point below.

IV. Transformation

This is a particularly strong point considering how much we loved to watch the process of this weak, powerless, forgotten caterpillar into a beautiful and visible butterfly that will gracefully stir its wings for everyone to see its colours.

When Arthur transitions to the Joker, it's so cathartic to see taking revenge on those who wronged him (even when we're not supposed to root for him) like seeing his shyness fading away into a vivid confidence when dancing half naked in the bathroom, or witnessing him making way to make his name known to people in Murray Franklin's Show:

Adding to this newly gained confidence, there's another turn on: the way he walks.

At the beginning, his pace is hunched and limping, displaying his submission to violence, which makes the viewer more satisfied to see his broken yet beautiful soul turning the past pain of his existence into art: he lets music guide his moves as a way to tell the world he's a new man by cutting most of the sick, evil roots that harmed him, that he's invincible, that no one can stop him. Watching this cathartic display of euphoria was the most iconic scene in the film, following his speech at the TV and the inevitable meltdown that caused Murray's death.

Going to further appreciation, even his clown make up is beautiful. Why? Simple. The combination of colours, shapes and the intimidating glare just embellishes even more the character.

The dark blue triangles in his expressive eyes makes the light green colour to highlight, specially in dark backgrounds, giving the impression he's piercing your soul whenever he stares directly at the camera. Same can be said about the red smile and emerald green hair. They boost an already intimidating look.

The cold and warm colours paint a picture of a man full of intense emotions, mirroring it in a simple yet masterful artistic way.

Another interesting point is the way Joker dresses. Usually we had almost every single live adaption of this character in purple coat, hat, etc. But this particular version is not following any comic, which gives more freedom to creativity and once again, out of the standards of what we could have expected.

Red is a colour related to passion, action, love, strength, motivation and excitement. As for yellow, it indicates freshness, happiness and enlightenment and finally, green. Green is renewal, growth and regeneration. Colours that represent a new stage in his life, a mirthful chapter at last. We finally get to see our battered, always humiliated protagonist (or hero) descending into madness, but finally free from his repressed man who held his soul captive like a bird to fly away, to never come back. An insanity that despite being his downfall, turned out to be his ticket to freedom as he walks to the light in Arkham Asylum dancing at the end.

Ladies and gentlemen: behold the film nobody asked... But the film we fucking deserved.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

❤️💚💛

[olivieblake]

hi! sorry if this is something you already talked about, im not good at keeping up with posts, but ive seen you talk about writing sometimes and ive come to trust and appreciate your opinions so since ive been having trouble with something, ive come to you.

people always say that youll have the easiest time writing about things youve experienced/felt/seen since they're familiar, but i find myself unable to write about things i've been through well. for example, i've experienced family abuse but i don't really feel as if i can write about family abuse even though i know what it's like, or another example, i've struggled with depression but at the same time i have absolutely no idea how i would write about depression/a character experiencing depression even though i know what it feels like. even talking about happy experiences in my life, like receiving a really sweet present or falling in love, i find i can't really write about it despite the fact i've been through it/felt it.

is something wrong with me? am i the only one that's weird like this? i haven't ever seen anyone discuss this or talk about it so i'm not sure if i'm just not skilled enough or knowledgeable enough to pull it off yet or if this is something that happens more frequently, and i was wondering about your take/advice on it.

(sorry that this long, if youve already talked about this somewhere, feel free to ignore the ask, otherwise, thank you, love your blog :D)

hi anon! I don’t think it’s ever easy to write something you’ve been through that you wouldn’t also have an easy time talking about. the things you’ve brought up are traumas, not just experiences, for which a very difficult degree of acceptance would be necessary in order to turn them into art—and even with “happier” events, there are no rules saying you have to write things you’ve personally lived through. “write what you know” is an old rule compared to “know what you write,” and why should you write any particular experience if you don’t want to? if the part of creativity that brings you fulfillment or satisfaction or joy is something you’ve imagined rather than something you’ve felt, then write that. I usually say the best way to make something feel real is to root it in something you’ve actually felt, but that certainly doesn’t mean writing the experience as you experienced it. it means writing your characters’ ambition or pain or fear or love in a way that feels authentic because you have felt or witnessed it

it’s possible that the more you write—and the more you feel capable of putting your feelings into words in a way that captures something the way you’d like to—the more you may feel you want to engage with your past, or with yourself, but I think it’s very normal that the first things you’re drawn to creating aren’t that close to your personal experience. I wrote Clean and Ride or Die and all the many variants of highly unrealistic fiction multiple years before I could ever write Lethal Combination or Alone With You in the Ether or engage with my own traumas in writing; or, when I did, it was in a very distant way, like via the diaries in Modern Romance. writing means gradually accepting that despite your best efforts, despite whatever talents and skills you gain, your finished product will still never achieve perfection, and sometimes your own experiences are too big to chance suffering that familiar disappointment that things haven’t turned out quite as you planned, or they don’t feel as impactful as you lived them. but if I were you, my takeaway here would be: I’m a writer and I can write whatever I want, and for that matter, everyone else’s rules are stupid

( for future, if you’d like to check which topics I’ve already discussed, the index of all prior advice posts is here )

[kivainthedark]

Tarot References

The Major Arcana

0 - The fool

Upright: New beginnings, optimism, trust in life, open minded, innocence, spontaneity 

Reversed: Delays, Naivety, foolishness, recklessness, risk-taking

*Keep an eye out for the cards paired with this one.  I.e. if it's paired with the lovers, upright, it could mean a new lover.

I - The Magician 

Upright: Power, skill, concentration, action, resourcefulness, Will, personal power, intention, Actions, manifestations

Reversed: Misunderstandings, Manipulation, poor planning, latent talents

II - The High Priestess

Upright: Inaction, going within, the subconscious, Hidden knowledge, Secrets, Meditation, spirituality, Higher power 

Reversed: Manipulations, Hidden agendas, need to listen to inner voice

III - The Empress

Upright: Fertility, femininity, beauty, nature, abundance, Mother, creativity, nurturing, sensuality, Resources

Reversed: Creative block, dependence on others, Neglect 

IV - The Emperor

Upright: Authority, Father-figure, Structure, Solid Foundation, Power, Structure, Stability, Boundaries, Order

Reversed: Domination, Excessive control, Rigidity, Inflexibility, Chaos

V - Hierophant 

Upright: Institutions, Tradition, Society and its rules, Education, Lessons, Unity, Responsibility, Knowledge, Teacher, Belief system

Reversed: Hypocrisy, Restriction, Challenging the status quo

VI - Lovers

Upright: Love, Union, Relationships, Values Alignment, Choices, Sexuality, Cooperation 

Reversed: Disharmony, Imbalance, Misalignment of values, Separation

VII - Chariot 

Upright: Movement, progress, integration, Determination, Control, momentum, competence

Reversed: Defeat, Lack of control and direction, aggression

VIII - Strength

Upright: Strength, Courage, Patience, Control, Compassion, Survival

Reversed: Weakness, self-doubt, lack of self-discipline, Fear

IX  - Hermit

Upright: Meditation, solitude, consciousness, Searching, analysis, Guidance, wisdom, perspective

Reversed: Isolation, loneliness, withdrawal

X - Wheel Of Fortune 

Upright: Good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, a turning point, expansion, change, movement, Fate

Reversed: Bad luck, negative external forces, out of control, Stagnation

XI - Justice 

Upright: Fairness, equality, balance, Decisions Ethics, law, fairness, accountability

Reversed: Unfairness, lack of accountability, dishonesty, Lies 

XII - Hanged Man

Upright: Suspension, restriction, letting go, sacrifice, Release, waiting, surrender

Reversed: Stubbornness, Martyrdom, indecision, delay

XIII - Death

Upright: Endings, beginnings, change, transformation, transition, Regeneration, rebirth

Reversed: Resistance to change, unable to move on, Limbo

XIV - Temperance

Upright: Balance, moderation, patience, purpose, meaning, Experimenting, creating, combining, compromise, Negotiation

Reversed: Imbalance, excess, lack of long-term vision, Impatience

XV - Devil

Upright: Destructive patterns, addiction, giving away your power, Restrictions, Indulgence, Limitations, attachments, commitment

Reversed: Freedom, Detachment, breaking free, power reclaimed

XVI - Tower

Upright: Disaster, upheaval, sudden change, revelation, chaos, destruction, questioning beliefs, Unexpected failure, breakdowns

Reversed: Avoidance of disaster, fear of change, Freedom

XVII - Star

Upright: Hope, calm, a good omen, guidance, Renewal, peace, optimism, boundlessness, spirituality, renewal, inspiration, serenity

Reversed: Darkness, Lack of faith, despair, discouragement

XVIII - Moon

Upright: Mystery, the subconscious, dreams, deep emotions

Reversed: Paranoia, Anxiety, Unusual dreams, Mysteries Unveiled 

XIX - Sun 

Upright: Success, happiness, all will be well, Growth, Recovery

Reversed: Failure, Insecurity, Stagnation 

XX - Judgement 

Upright: Rebirth, a new phase, inner calling, The past, second chances

Reversed: Regrets, hasty judgement, self-doubt

XXI - World 

Upright: Completion, wholeness, attainment, celebration of life, completion

Reversed: Incomplete, delayed Success, Failed Plans 

The swords

Reflects thoughts and state of mind.

Element: Air

King of Swords 

Upright: Serious, controlling, rational and mind/intellect-focused, Mental clarity, intellectual power, authority, truth

Reversed: Foolish, Quiet power, inner truth, misuse of power, manipulation

Queen of Swords

Upright: Intelligent, writer, communicative yet cold, Independent, unbiased judgement, clear boundaries, direct communication

Reversed: Ineffective, Overly-emotional, easily influenced, bitchy, cold-hearted

Knight of Swords

Upright: Fierce, determined, aggressively pursues goals, Ambitious, action-oriented, driven to succeed, fast-thinking

Reversed: Boredom, Restless, unfocused, impulsive, burn-out

Page of Swords

Upright: mentally unstable or intellectually immature, acts without thinking, New ideas, curiosity, thirst for knowledge, new ways of communicating

 Reversed: Stupidity, Self-expression, all talk and no action, haphazard action, haste

Ace of Swords

Upright: A fresh start, a sudden opportunity or idea, Breakthroughs, new ideas, mental clarity, success

 Reversed: Inner clarity, re-thinking an idea, clouded judgement

2 of Swords

Upright: Indecision, Difficult decisions, weighing up options, an impasse, avoidance

Reversed: Conflicts, Indecision, confusion, information overload, stalemate

3 of Swords

Upright: Heartbreak, betrayal, emotional pain, sorrow, grief, hurt

Reversed: Torment, Negative self-talk, releasing pain, optimism, forgiveness

4 of Swords

Upright: Meditation, rest, retreat, contemplation, recuperation

Reversed: Disturbance, Exhaustion, burn-out, deep contemplation, stagnation

5 of Swords

Upright: Mind games, hostility, Conflict, disagreements, competition, defeat, winning at all costs

Reversed: Treachery, Reconciliation, making amends, past resentment

6 of Swords

Upright: Leaving, accepting help, going somewhere better, Transition, change, rite of passage, releasing baggage.

Reversed: Trouble, Personal transition, resistance to change, unfinished business

7 of Swords

Upright: Secret plans, abandoning ship, Betrayal, deception, getting away with something, acting strategically

Reversed: Clumsiness, Imposter syndrome, self-deceit, keeping secrets

8 of Swords

Upright: feeling powerless and stuck, Negative thoughts, self-imposed restriction, imprisonment, victim mentality

Reversed: Escaping, Self-limiting beliefs, inner critic, releasing negative thoughts, open to new perspectives

9 of Swords

Upright: Overactive mind, anxiety, worry, fear, depression, nightmares

 Reversed: Martyrdom, Inner turmoil, deep-seated fears, secrets, releasing worry

10 of Swords

Upright: Feeling defeated, self-sabotage, Painful endings, deep wounds, betrayal, loss, crisis

Reversed: Recovery, regeneration, resisting an inevitable end

The Wands

 Reflects your spirit, motion and action.

Element: Fire

King of Wands

 Upright: Career focused, mature, passionate, Natural-born leader, vision, entrepreneur, honour

 Reversed: Impostor, Impulsiveness, haste, ruthless, high expectations

Queen of Wands

Upright: Confidant, focused, has zest for life, Courage, confidence, independence, social butterfly, determination

Reversed: Fatigue, Self-respect, self-confidence, introverted, re-establish sense of self

Knight of Wands

Upright: Energy, passion, inspired action, adventure, impulsiveness

Reversed: Apathy, Passion project, haste, scattered energy, delays, frustration

Page of Wands

Upright: newly inspired, Inspiration, ideas, discovery, limitless potential, free spirit

Reversed: Passive, Newly-formed ideas, redirecting energy, self-limiting beliefs, a spiritual path

Ace of Wands

Upright: New beginnings, creative spark, fertile ideas, Inspiration, growth, potential

Reversed: Unpromising, An emerging idea, lack of direction, distractions, delays

2 of Wands

Upright: Contemplation, assessing one’s life direction, Future planning, progress, decisions, discovery 

Reversed: Dispute, Personal goals, inner alignment, fear of unknown, lack of planning

3 of Wands

Upright: Reaping the rewards of your efforts, Progress, expansion, foresight, overseas opportunities

Reversed: Idleness, Playing small, lack of foresight, unexpected delays

4 of Wands

Upright: Celebration, safety, the home, Celebration, joy, harmony, relaxation, homecoming

Reversed: Discord, Personal celebration, inner harmony, conflict with others, transition.

5 of Wands

Upright: Competition, minor struggles or disagreements, Conflict, disagreements, tension, diversity

Reversed: Timidness, Inner conflict, conflict avoidance, tension release

6 of Wands

Upright: Success, accolades and achievement,  public recognition, progress, self-confidence

Reversed: Private achievement, personal definition of success, fall from grace, egotism

7 of Wands

Upright: Feeling defensive and on guard, Challenge, competition, protection, perseverance

Reversed: Yielding, Exhaustion, giving up, overwhelmed

8 of Wands

Upright: Movement, fast paced change, action, alignment, air travel

Reversed: Stagnation, Delays, frustration, resisting change, internal alignment

9 of Wands

Upright: Pessimism, gearing up for the worst, Resilience, courage, persistence, test of faith, boundaries

Reversed: Weakness, Inner resources, struggle, overwhelm, defensive, paranoia

10 of Wands

Upright: oppressed, exhaustion, too many responsibilities, Burden, extra responsibility, hard work, completion

Reversed: Impractical, Doing it all, carrying the burden, delegation, release

The Cups

Reflects emotions and relationships.

Element: Water 

King of Cups

Upright Repression of deep feelings, Emotionally balanced, compassionate, diplomatic.

Reversed: Selfishness, Self-compassion, inner feelings, moodiness, emotionally manipulative.

Queen of Cups

Upright: Emotionally nurturing, intuitive, sensitive, Compassionate, caring, emotionally stable, intuitive, in flow

Reversed: Ignorance, Inner feelings, self-care, self-love, codependency. 

Knight of Cups

Upright: Romantic, adventurous, following one’s heart, Creativity, romance, charm, imagination, beauty.

 Reversed: Pessimism, Overactive imagination, unrealistic, jealous, moody.

Page of Cups

Upright: Creative, inspired, learning artistic skill, intuitive messages, curiosity, possibility.

Reversed: Gloomy, New ideas, doubting intuition, creative blocks, emotional immaturity.

Ace of Cups

Upright: emotional fulfillment, joy, Beginnings, Love, new relationships, compassion, creativity.

Reversed: Indifferent, Self-love, intuition, repressed emotions.

2 of Cups

Upright: Partnership, mutual attraction, compatibility, Unified love, partnership, mutual attraction

Reversed: Abandonment, Self-love, break-ups, disharmony, distrust.

3 of Cups

Upright: Celebration, fun with friends, laughter, friendship, creativity, collaborations.

Reversed: Jealousy, Independence, alone time, partying.

4 of Cups

Upright: Boredom, dissatisfaction with what is being offered, Longing, Meditation, contemplation, apathy, reevaluation.

Reversed: Avoidance, Retreat, withdrawal, checking in for alignment.

5 of Cups

Upright: Dwelling on the negative, self-pity, Loss, Regret, failure, disappointment, pessimism.

 Reversed: Personal setbacks, self-forgiveness, moving on.

6 of Cups

Upright: Sentimentality, kindness, help, Revisiting the past, childhood memories, innocence, joy.

Reversed: Discouraging, Living in the past, forgiveness, lacking playfulness.

7 of Cups

Upright: indecision, getting lost in fantasy, wishing and dreaming, Opportunities, choices, wishful thinking, illusion.

Reversed: Lethargic, Alignment, personal values, overwhelmed by choices.

8 of Cups

Upright: Abandoning something in search of something better, vision, Disappointment, abandonment, withdrawal, escapism.

Reversed: Sacrifice, Trying one more time, indecision, aimless drifting, walking away.

9 of Cups 

Upright: Indulgence, self-satisfaction, Contentment, satisfaction, gratitude, wish come true.

Reversed: Inner happiness, materialism, dissatisfaction, indulgence.

10 of Cups

 Emotional bliss, happiness, attainment, Divine love, blissful relationships, harmony, alignment.

 Reversed: Disruption, Disconnection, misaligned values, struggling relationships.

The Pentacles

Reflects the material world, body and wealth.

Element: Earth 

King of Pentacles

Upright: Enjoys the good life (food, drink and leisure), financially secure, Wealth, business, leadership, security, discipline, abundance.

Reversed: Hoarder, Financially inept, obsessed with wealth and status, stubborn

Queen of Pentacles

Upright: Healthy in body and finances, grounded and calm, Nurturing, practical, providing financially, a working parent.

Reversed: Financial independence, self-care, work-home conflict.

Knight of Pentacles

Upright: Cautious, sensible and slow to progress, Hard work, productivity, routine, conservatism.

Reversed: Inexperienced, Self-discipline, boredom, feeling ‘stuck’, perfectionism.

Page of Pentacles

Upright: Student, commitment to learning, Manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development.

Reversed: Rookie, Lack of progress, procrastination, learn from failure.

Ace of Pentacles

Upright: Financial reward, clarity of life purpose, goals, a new financial or career opportunity, manifestation, abundance. 

Reversed: Debt, Lost opportunity, lack of planning and foresight.

2 of Pentacles

Upright: Balance, multitasking, Multiple priorities, time management, prioritization, adaptability.

Reversed: Impractical, Over-committed, disorganization, reprioritization

3 of Pentacles

Upright: Meaningful work, enjoying one’s work, suitable career, Teamwork, collaboration, learning, implementation.

Reversed: Mediocrity, Disharmony, misalignment, working alone.

4 of Pentacles

Upright: Saving money, security, conservatism, scarcity, control.

Reversed: Greed, Overspending, self-protection.

5 of Pentacles

Upright: Minor money troubles, health problems, feeling like an outsider, Financial loss, poverty, lack of mindset, isolation, worry.

Reversed: Helplessness, Recovery from financial loss, spiritual poverty.

6 of Pentacles

Upright: Charity, accepting and giving help, Giving, receiving, sharing wealth, generosity

Reversed: Cruelty, Self-care, unpaid debts, one-sided charity.

7 of Pentacles

Upright: Patience, waiting for your plans to bear fruit, Long-term view, sustainable results, perseverance, investment.

Reversed: Unemployment, Shortsightedness, limited success or reward.

8 of Pentacles

Upright: Hard work, focused efforts, laying the groundwork, Apprenticeship, repetitive tasks, mastery, skill development.

Reversed: Skill-shortage, Self-development, perfectionism, misdirected activity.

9 of Pentacles

Upright: Luxury, rest, financial and material comforts, Abundance, self-sufficiency, financial independence.

Reversed: Dependency, Self-worth, over-investment in work, hustling. 

10 of Pentacles 

Upright Financial success, strong business relationships, Wealth, family, long-term success, contribution.

Reversed: Restrictions, The dark side of wealth, financial failure or loss.

The Elements  My grimoire 

[juni-ravenhall]

im gonna start this year actually watching the horse drawing tutorial series i bought some months ago but didnt have enough spoons (meaning energy) to study from!!!

i mean ill prob only get thru a part of the first vid but i want to try to get through the whole series over the next months and improve at drawing and modelling horses!!!!!!!

i will fill out my own horse art style meme too while i study, but it might take a while ofc. basically everything for me takes like 100 times more time and energy than it does for someone whos not sick, so when i say like “ill try doing x challenge” or “heres my to-do list” its with keeping in mind that even if i aim to do something in 1 month it might take 10 months.... but this is fine all that matters is that im alive!

all that matters is our health, at the end of the day thats all we have, so make sure to get enough sleep, water and nutrients in 2021. its ok to skip school or be late on work or whatever it may be if you need that break to protect your health. its ok to not reply to people if you feel like you cant and you need a social break. its not your fault if you feel exhausted or have anxiety. love and protect yourself this year!!!

also if all u rly care about is horses thats ok!!! i just want to put this here bc honestly it took me so long to fully realise that im still as much of a horsegirl (old man) as i was when i was 8 and in the past couple years ive been actively reading horse fiction books targeted to kids (and ofc most horse games r targeted to kids too) bc it makes me happy. u dont have to feel weird about being “childish” whether its about horses or any other interest. just enjoy urself and love what u love.

and if anyone set a new years resolution about things i happen to know about like drawing, animation, 3D, and other random creative stuff lol, feel free to write to me if u feel stuck or need help! i like talking about projects and im one of those ppl who watches a million tutorials and am good at finding information (bc high Te out of being intj dfkjhg) so i can help u find tutorials or other resources u need if u struggle with a creative interest ❤️

[duhragonball]

Nanwum IV toolboxkit

I have a love/hate relationship with the word “tool”.  On the one hand, tools are awesome.    I like holding a big screwdriver and thinking about all the screws I can loosen with it.    I ordered a thing at work yesterday and I can’t wait for it to arrive.   There’s a rush of power in knowing some object will solve a bunch of problems.   Look out, screws.

On the other hand, it annoys me how people use the term “tool” in a more abstract sense, like statistical “tools” or using a flow chart to figure out what to do.    I can’t hold any of that crap, so calling it a tool feels like a bait-and-switch.   But I can appreciate the power of the term.   If you can liken a thing to a power drill, then you have my attention.   

Anyway, this weekend is for making preparations for National Novel Writing Month, which starts next Sunday, so I thought it would be useful to go over the stuff that I use to get me through it.  

1) The NaNoWriMo website.

Back in 2017, I seriously considered not even bothering with the website, because I figured it had nothing to offer.    I’m the one doing all the work, right?   But tracking progress is an effective motivator, and I like being able to see a chart that shows how well I’m doing.    There’s some bugs in it.    For some reason it doesn’t show my Camp Nano April 2018 as being complete, and when I tried to fix it, it doubled the word count instead.  

It’s also useful for where I’m at today.    Now that I’ve done this thing a few times, I can measure current performance against past years.  November 2018 was my personal best, so I’m going to use that as a model for this year.    I don’t need to beat 2018-me, but I do need to remind myself that I’ve performed this well in the past.  

2) George R. R. Martin motivational desktop wallpaper.

I started doing this as a joke, but looking at this dude sitting at his computer, not writing is a much more powerful motivator than I ever thought possible.  The idea is that if I minimize the writing window to do something else, I have to look this dude in the eye before I can look up Robocop clips on YouTube.   I’ve had months where I was struggling to meet the goal, and then I went “Oh, yeah, I forgot to change my desktop pic, and it pushes me over the finish line.   It’s like Popeye eating spinach.   

Now the Tone Police will take issue with something like this, and call it arrogant.   “How dare you put down a highly successful fantasy author just to make yourself feel confident,” they’ll say as they wag their finger.   “Don’t you care that you might be making procrastinators feel bad?”  To that I say: fuck’em.  

See, I’m a world-class procrastinator in my own right.   I have to get hyped for this stuff every year, because that’s the only way I can build up enough momentum to see it through.    Like all Sith Lords, I have to call upon all of my emotions -- fear, anger, pride, fernweh -- to fuel the creative monster.  I don’t make a dime on this, so if I can’t take some bloody satisfaction out of it then what’s the point?   

I’m pretty sure George doesn’t even know I do this, but in case he’s reading this, let me address him specifically: George, I’ve cranked out three of these Nanwums and you still haven’t finished Winds of Winter, which is well on its way to becoming the Duke Nukem Forever of modern fantasy.   I don’t know if you got soft, like Rocky in Rocky IV, or maybe you’ve lost your confidence like Rocky in Rocky III, but you have to kindle a fire under your ass, even if it’s a silly fire, like fear of dying before the book goes to print, or getting it done just to spite assholes like me.   But find something and use it.  

3) Kenny Omega vs. Sonny Kiss, AEW Dynamite 10/21/2020

This was a first-round match in a tournament for the right to challenge for the AEW World title, and it was Kenny’s big return to singles action, so I guess the idea here was to make him look strong by having him crush Sonny Kiss in under 15 seconds.   I’ve seen blowouts in wrestling before, but this one speaks to me on a different level, and I’m sorely tempted to swap out my GRRM image with this shot of in-the-zone Kenny Omega.

Because I feel this right now.    This isn’t like last year or the year before, where I got behind working on stuff in October so I wasn’t fully prepared.   I got all caught up a few weeks ago, and I have eight days to get ready.    I haven’t written a thing in weeks, and I’m itching to get back to it.    I want a big Day One total to start the month off, and seeing this match makes me want to aim even higher than 7000 words.    Can I hit 10,000 in one day?    The Cleaner sure thinks so.  Clapclap-clap clap clap.   

4) Focus Writer

You can check it out for yourself at https://gottcode.org/focuswriter/

The main selling point for Focus Writer is that it can be used for “distraction free” writing, in that it’s default setting makes it tricky to minimize the window to do other stuff.   But I turned that off a while back.    For my purposes, I just need the word counter.  

One thing I learned while editing work instead of writing from scratch is that you can just set the word count goal to 100 words.    That way, the percentage displayed at the bottom of the screen will keep track of how many words you’ve written in that session.   So if you write 1275 new words, the counter will say 1275%.  

I used to set actual goals, like 3500 words for the day or whatever, but I found myself constantly trying to calculate what 53% of that is, and that ended up being a huge distraction in itself.    So now I just stick to the 100 word “goal” and use it to track my actual progress, rather than setting lofty goals that I may not need to actually hit.   The Nano website does that for me anyway.

5) The Adventures of Dumplin

I’m essentially adapting the events of Dragon Ball Xenoverse 1 into this story, so I could break out my PS3 and play it through again to remind me of all the stuff I wanted to use from 2015, but it’s a lot easier to just watch someone else play it instead.   Team FourStar’s playthrough of the Xenoverse games is some of their best material, as far as I’m concerned, and knowing this is one of my go-to references is going to make this November pretty awesome.   

I’m not sure I could, or should, work Dumplin into my fic.  If I did, he couldn’t be the same guy who saved the day in this LP series, because I’m having Luffa do all that.   Early on, I envisioned a scene where she wakes up one morning after a night of heavy drinking and finds Dumplin in bed with her, but that seemed a little too goofy to use.    But I want you to have that mental picture anyway, so I’m writing about it here.

6) Diet Pepsi

Straight Edge, Hard Core.    Stephen King’s a wuss for using cocaine to help him write.   

[donaeis]

Sims Traits Tag ✨

Rules: Imagine, if you were a Sim, what 6 traits and a lifetime wish would you have? Feel free to tag 5-10 (or even more!) fellow simmers to keep this community lively!

Tagged by both @silverspringsimmer​ and @wesunnysimmer​ so I finally guessed I get over my shyness and just do it, hehe. Thanks, guys!

1. Clumsy

thanks to my wonderful brain I can only see out of one eye at the same time so am legally half-blind... so I suck at anything requiring depth, and also regularly bump into things... it’s fun! LOL.

2. Creative

my creative spirit is one of the most important things about myself... like i can never NOT think of creating. i suck at arts, mind you, for me creation goes into writing and story and character creation. one of the reasons why i dont think id ever take adhd medicine is because of my fear that it’d inhibit my creative spirit and that’s the last thing id want!

3. Hot-headed

oh man, my temper... i couldn’t count on one hand the amount of time it’s gotten me in trouble. wish i could just stick to the positives but in describing myself i really dont think i could get away with NOT naming my temper. 

4. Non-committal

i’ve moved about... 6 times in the past 3 years, i’ve been to 4 different universities, lived in 4 different cities, 2 countries, am already making some plans to move to a 3rd different country, never cared about doing the whole relationship thing... im not sure id ever be fully happy just staying in one spot with the same people all my life. 

 5. Perfectionist

part of the reason why i struggle so hard in uni... and it’s not getting any easier. in fact, it’s only going worse and worse LOL. my bachelor perfectionism was nothing compared to my current master’s perfectionism.

6. Cat lover

i honestly want to say animal lover here because while i absolutely love cats i also more than adore other animals - ive ridden horses for more than a decade starting from when i was only 6, and i love dogs a whooole lot too, i love my rabbits... but if i had to choose between cats & dogs id still go for cats simply because i feel like they fit better with me personally. i love and appreciate my cat so, so much. ❤

Aspiration: Best-Selling Author

i feel like this one speaks for itself.

man, so i dont really know a whole lot of people here yet and i always hate to feel like a bother so im so sorry if im tagging you here and youre like ugh i dont want this lol. feel free to ignore it! @simscognito​ @chaosxsims​ @nyteroseshadowthorn​ @delta-simmer​ @whyhellosims​ @kinsasims​ @dandylion240​ @dollyllama108​

also thanks to @plumbobheroes​ for making my amazing simself. 

[arosnowflake]

So ive been questioning whether or not im aro. I used to ID as panro but ive been soul searching lately as well as entering the dating world a bit and i just dont know. I think i might be quiroromantic? Any advice for trying to figure this out? Thanks

Aaalright, so it’s been a while since I was questioning, so I’m a bit out of the loop on this front, but I’ll do my best to direct you to some resources.

@aromantic-official is pretty much aro central, and they have a resource page that includes resources for questioning aros and a glossary of aro terms, which should be a decent start. Their questioning tag also contains a variety of posts that are aimed at questioning aros; I haven’t gone through all of them, but it’s hard to imagine that there won’t be at least one that’s a little helpful.

@anagnori also has a very extensive resource page (although some may be out of date; I haven’t checked all of them), and also wrote this post aimed at questioning aros. 

AUREA is a fairly new website/organization dedicated to aromantics, and it has a resource page (again, haven’t checked all the links, but since the site is new, they should at least be up to date)

For quoiromanticism specifically, this post is a good 101 introduction (idk how relevant that is to you, but I feel contractually obligated to include it). The coiner of the term is @epochryphal, who has a quoi tag that is likely to include relevant info. @shades-of-grayro is a good blog for everyone on with a grayro identity (’grayromantic’ is both a specific identity and an umbrella term), and while they don’t seem to have a consistent quoi tag, the quoiromantic search on their blog yields good results. I don’t follow any quoiro blogs, but a quick search turns up @quoisitively-queer, who I’ve seen around (idk how active they are though), and although it’s not especially relevant, I remember @official-quoisexual from when I was questioning whether I was quoisexual, and although the blog is dedicated towards quoisexuality rather than quoiromanticism, and since the quoi community is small, ze might still be able to help you find more specific resources.

Some other aro blogs I recommend (note: I don’t follow everyone on this list, but they’re all good blogs as far as I know):

@aro-neir-o (lots of research)

@aroworlds​ and the creator’s other blog @alloaroworlds; the first is a blog centering around aro creativity, and the second is an allo aro community blog. 

@fandomshateaspecs (community blog, run by a variety of mods)

@biaroace (coiner of the ‘oriented aroace’ term)

@black-aros and the creator’s other aro blog @official-angledaroace; coined the term ‘angled aroace’, which the second is a community blog for, and the first is a blog centering around black aros.

@aro-soulmate-project (originally a blog for deconstructing the soulmate trope, still pretty vocal about this, but has turned into more of a general aro blog with good posts)

@aroarolibrary

@aroacepagans

and uuhh definitely a whole lot more but my brain is blanking at the moment, if you’re an aro blog feel free to like or reblog or reply to this post to make yourself known! I strongly recommend speaking to arospecs directly about your doubts/questions; often, personal conversation can help clear things up in a way that resource posts just can’t. Getting involved in the community can also help; while there’s no guarantee of this, personally, that’s what made me feel secure in my identity.

On a personal questioning note: I can only speak from personal experience as an aromantic with no romantic attraction whatsoever, as well as someone who was lucky enough to have a fairly stereotypical aro experience and get through questioning relatively easily (and with no internalized issues around the aromanticism), but the biggest issue that I found in my aro questioning journey was that the aro label felt so final and definitive, when the aro identity, by nature, is hard to figure out/’prove’ because you can’t prove a negative. I can’t prove that I will never experience romantic attraction; it’s entirely possible that I will, in the future. Hell, I can’t even really prove that I haven’t in the past; there were several instances where I very well might’ve gotten genuine crushes. 

But ultimately? Being aro made me happy. The idea of being aro was appealing in a way that being romantically attracted to people/dating never was. For me, at least, being aro is honestly more about making the choice to reject society’s planned romantic path than about the certainty that I will never experience romantic attraction; I feel no desire to ever experience it, the instances in the past that might’ve been romantic attraction annoyed me immensely, and the aro community and the aro label make me happy in a way that I never was when I didn’t have those. I might experience romantic attraction in the future. I might have experienced it in the past. But, ultimately, I cannot relate to the alloromantic experience at all, so either way, I’m somewhere on the aro spectrum, and the ‘aromantic’ identity makes me feel happy, so I’m using it and you physically cannot stop me.

(Obviously, this isn’t a universal experience: many aro people still have the desire to date/marry/have a romantic relationship, many aro people still experience some form of romantic attraction, many aro people may struggle with internalized self hate due to being aromantic or mourn the loss of their pre-planned romantic lifepath, or experience being aromantic in a completely different way. This is just my personal experience, and I wish I’d heard it when I was questioning, so I try to tell it to questioning aros now that I have the chance to do so.)

So, to close, I’ll repeat the same thing I always say to questioning people: ultimately, it’s more important that you’re happy with a label than that it fits. If identifying as aromantic, quoiromantic, or any other arospec identity makes you feel right, happy, or gives you the language to talk about your experiences in a way that you currently can’t, then you shouldn’t worry too much about whether or not the label technically fits, honestly. If IDing as panromantic makes you happy and accurately gives you language to talk about your experiences/describe your feelings, then there may be no need to ID as arospec, even if you fit the definitions. But if IDing as arospec makes you happy or helps you in any way, you can always start IDing as such, even if you’re not sure, don’t entirely fit the definitions, or if you later change your label. 

[chacha-tortuga]

Quarantine Survey

So i've been tagged by my dear super friend @saucehair , and even though this is supposed to be an art only account, i'll make one (1) exception (because the one person who tagged me is one of my fave ever).

Where are you isolated?

In my house, in my hometown.

What are you currently reading or watching?

Reading : thanks to the person who tagged me (<3) i read Metro 2033 in english and french, because some things in the eng version are lost in translation and all... otherwise i've started Roadside Picnic, and i still have to take a look at Two Soldiers, and i plan on rereading some books studied at school (La Chambre des Officiers, Lorsque j'étais une Oeuvre d'Art).

Watching : started Tales from the Loop, rewatched all of Love, Death & Robots, and i just started a brothers Cohen movies marathon (started with Fargo).

If you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time?

I can go outside, but i prefer not too. Never appreciated going for a walk, id much rather sit just outside my house or simply stay inside.

Any fascinating concept you’re studying?

Im trying to learn russian but i'm struggling, ive been studying a lot of art theory (especially shapes and colours), and overall i just follow my online classes.

What kind of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing?

I draw all day long. It's as simple as that.

A song that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?

Im bad at thinking of a song on the spot, but i guess Antidote by Stupeflip is one that i can relate to now.

Favourite impulsive/“bad” coping techniques?

I eat way less than i used to do (and my parents hid the balance so idk how much weigth ive lost), and i tend to avoid using casual clothes, and stay in pajama for days. Dysphoria also started again, so it's a bit hard those few past days.

Favourite healthy/“good” coping techniques?

Im much more productive in term of art, ive wrapped up in 2 days a comic ive spent months on finishing, and im filling my free time with fanart (now for @aaronthe8thdemon's fic) or studies.

And now, for the tagging part, if you like @cryptidchicken , but otherwise whoever wants to!

[lotusillustration]

i know there’s a hnk tarot deck which i own and ADORE but here’s my take

I tried to keep this based off the rider-waite deck, but I’ve used some interpretations from my personal favourite deck too.

mobile users: I’m so fucking sorry

0. The Fool - Phosphophyllite Upright, The Fool represents new beginnings and innocence. It’s numbered 0 as it’s the beginning of the journey through the Arcana. The Fool encourages a free spirit and diving into the unknown. Reversed, The Fool represents being unprepared, taking too many risks. “What am I getting myself into?” could be an interpretation if you draw this card, and that you should reign back the once carefree energy.

I. The Magician - Euclase Upright, The Magician represents power and resourcefulness. To draw this card may mean that your current plans are in order, and ready to be acted upon. It represents clarity and focus. Reversed, The Magician means you may be unsure how to act upon a situation. To draw it may mean the universe wants to to reign back, and you’re out of touch with yourself.

II. The High Priestess - Lapis Lazuli The High Priestess signifies one’s subconcious mind, which constrasts The Magician’s focus on the concious mind. She represents that the world is not all it seems, and can be a fascination with higher powers, and unseen events. She essentially represents enlightenment and psychic insights.Reversed, she represents withdrawal and silence. She can represent manipulation, secrecy and hidden agendas - even when that knowledge should be shared.

III. The Empress - Red Beryl The Empress is a difficult card to explain to non-tarot users, as the “base” for her is femininity. In this sense, femininity is not being a feminine person, but rather represents traits such as creativity and connecting with your senses. The Empress sees beauty in all things. Reversed, The Empress may show you’re throwing yourself into your work too much. You may be neglecting your own needs. Red Beryl is the only gem who creates clothing for the gems - that’s their only purpose in life. Rx, The Empress suggests you take time for self love, enjoying beauty for oneself rather than the world around you.

IV. The Emporer - Kongo The Emporer is the perfect card to describe Kongo-sensei. In a literal sense, The Emporer represents a father figure. The Emporer is a strong, powerful man, who status and respect come naturally to him. He also represents a social system, a strict way of living, and order. He also signifies knowledge and expertise. I don’t to go too far past these literal meanings of The Emporer, since he already reflects Kongo perfectly. Reversed, however, he can represent a system that has too many strict rules. To pull The Emporer rx, you may be struggling with a person in power over you, you could be struggling where you’re the person in power and don’t know how to act. It could mean unhealthy and unequal relationships that, over time, become toxic.

V. The Hierophant -  Yellow Diamond Upright, The Hierophant could show that oneself is seen as a mentor, the one who people look to for adivce, for teachings. He represents someone with strict family traditions, who will pass these traditions down generation to generation. The reversed Hierophant is a card that isn’t nessicarily bad, like many other rx cards. It may show you that you need to assess your own wants and needs, to teach yourself before others. It encourages one to really think about the world they live in, and challenge the status quo if deemed appropriate.

VI. The Lovers - Rutile Upright, The Lovers represent passion and how one chooses to interact with those around them. While it can represent a close one-on-one relationship, it can represent relationships in general. To go deeper, The Lovers represent one's personal values, and carrying out tasks that are most important, and making difficult descisions. To draw The Lovers, it is a sign that one should focus on self love first. Reversed is where this gets juicy. Reversed, the Lovers represents an imbalance in relationships, communication is difficult and ones values may change or no longer match. To pull The Lovers rx, you may be facing a difficult choice, perhaps with no perfect outcome. One may be having severe inner conflicts, unsure of current values, and disharmony within oneself. Interestingly, The Lovers rx are encouraged to seek out The Hierophant's advice.

VII. The Chariot - Cairngorm Upright, The Chariot shows determination and willpower, potentially for a specific project. Once one decides on their project, they will try, to no end, to complete it. Ignore those trying to block you, move forward. In an incredibly literal sense, The Chariot can represent moving from one place to another Inversed, however, The Chariot is a warning to stop. Your plan is failing, you may have lost motivation. You're focused too much on yourself, and ignoring your Higher Self and what the Universe wants for you. You may find yourself controlled by another person, or controlled by your own thoughts in a negative way.

VIII. Strength - Diamond & Bortz Strength is often depicted with an image of a ferocious lion, being tamed by a gentle woman (in my deck, it depicts the constellation Leo). Upright, Strength represents raw power, internally (this contrasts to the external powers of The Chariot). To draw Strengh, it shows that you have a lot of raw energy and, well, strength, However, you need to control, or “tame” this raw energy, which is why I’ve included Dia. Strength reversed may better depict Dia, to draw it means you’re full of self doubt, unsure of your power and overall lacking in self confidence. As a side note, Strength rx can also depict explosive anger.

IX. - The Hermit - Cinnabar I'll start with the inverse Hermit for this one. Inverse, The Hermit represents taking too much time to yourself, hiding away, and ignoring the Higher Self. In a relationship sense, one might be withdrawing aggressively, despite the reaching out of another. Upright, The Hermit is representative of a more healthy self reflection - stepping back from "real life" to focus on yourself for a little. Upright, The Hermit appears at a pivotal point in one's life, an important changing point. At this point, one may need to stop withdrawing in order for personal growth. Priorities and understanding of the Higher Self may be deeply improved, and one may move away from an unhelpful society.

X. The Wheel of Fortune - Ventricosus The main reason I selected an Admirabilis for the Wheel of Fortune is that this card can represent the fleetingness of life. Upright, the Wheel of Fortune represents rapid change and the cycle of life. The Admirabilis are the only species in the series with a “regular” lifespan, and their society behaves as such. The Wheel of Fortune can also relate to karma and lovingness. For the Gems and Lunarians - the world is not in a state of constant change, while the Admirabilis live and die.  To draw the Wheel of Fortune, one may have a difficult choice on their plate and urgency to change. The Wheel of Fortune urges one to believe in the Universe’s plan, and may represent critical turning points in life. To draw the Wheel of Fortune reversed asks you to step back from taking matters you shouldn’t into your own hands, and can flip the balance of your Higher Self. In order for good karma to come back to you, you must accept responsibilty for your wrongdoings.

XI. Justice - Jade Justice, of course, represents justice. Digging deeper, though, it represents one's alignment with the Higher Self and how one interacts with others. Justice tried to keep others in order, possibly even trying to distract from the negative in the world. Justice is a search for the truth, despite adversity. Reversed, Justice can reflect your inner self, and not believing in a choice you've made, or been forced to make. One may be at conflict with themself due to actions they've taken, or even unwilling to take accountability for the poor choices one has made. Justice rx can also represent a severe inner critic, or, again, facing a descision with no truly "good" outcome.

XII. The Hanged Man - Benito The Hanged Man represents taking a break, a step back to assess your situation. Thing is: these pauses may be voluntary or involuntary. The Universe may be at play, allowing you time to take a break, reassess yourself and your life. He can also represent feeling "stuck" with oneself.  Reversed, The Hanged Man can show a resistance to change, filling your life with distraction, ignoring the real issues. Inversely, The Hanged Man rx could mean your life is already on pause, and has been for a long time. One could be frustrated by this, wanting to live again. Benito feels “boring” or “normal”, but this is one of the most positive traits a gem can have.

XIII. Death - Morganite & Goshenite (both old and new) Death upright can mean sudden, unexpected change, and as a whole the card represents death, rebirth, transformation and transition. The deaths of the original Morga and Goshe were sudden, unexpected - but needed. To throw in a headcanon, I believe they chose to die together - opening death with open arms - which is a very literal interpretation of the card. The birth of new Morga and Goshe also came as a shock, restarting the cycle of the beryl-class gems. Inversed, Death represents a need for change, a need for a restart and a need for deeply meaningful change. To draw Death rx, the card offers one a chance to restart, be reborn, on their own terms. The card can often also mean one is going through a massive personal transformation, and often requires a follow up card to be drawn for context.

XIV. Temperance - Red Diamond To draw Temperance (upright) enourages one to bring more balance to your life, and take the middle road. Red Diamond was the first Gem, the one who started it all, and the one who gave Kongo a new purpose in “life”. Temperance is all about changing, combining and mixing one’s life - Kongo and Red had to mix their traits to create a space for themselves and the future Gems to live.  Temperance inverse isn’t quite the opposite, and rather signifies the end of a time period - to keep the balance in order, To draw Temperance rx one should evaluate themself and the life they’ve lived, and try to restore the balance. Perhaps, Red Diamond’s death was all part of the balance.

XV. The Devil - Aechmea I did initially want to not be generic and not assign The Devil to Aechmea, but it really fits him more than anyone. The Devil is deeply representitive of the Shadow Self, and could certainly be related to the cardinal sins. To draw The Devil it may represent that you’re controlled by your impulses; greed, lust, etc. It represents addiction and obsession, as well as close personal bonds that are still in the “honeymoon phase” To draw The Devil reversed, it urges you to let go of unhealthy obsessions, addictions, and sins in order to reach the Higher Self. Obviously, this can be taken quite literally for Aechmea.

XVI. The Tower - Alexandrite The Tower is representative of change and disaster. In most cards, it’s depicted as a tower - a stable structure - built on the top of a small clifface, indicating that it’s fall is near. One bolt of lightning hits the tower, and it falls. The Tower is another card that represents change, however it’s change is one of chaos and violence. You might pull The Tower if you’re experiencing trauma or massive, chaotic change. The best way to cope with The Tower’s symbolism is simply to let it fall, so you can rebuild and start anew. To pull The Tower inverse, the chaotic energy is caused by an internal trigger, rather than external. You may also be resisting change, which makes the inevitable change even worse.

XVII. The Star - Ghost Quartz Again, I’ll start with the reversed meaning. The Star reversed is a symbol of loss of hope, overwhelmingness and may test your faith in the Universe. It represents one who was once full of hope, and had it all crashing down upon you. Upright, The Star follows The Tower, and is the glimmer of hope in the aftermath. The Star upright symbolises coming to terms with yourself and the future. The main symbol of The Star is hope, and rediscovering your sense of meaning (such as Ghost gaining more purpose upon being paired with Phos)   XVIII. The Moon - Zircon The Moon represents fear and illusion, which I think fits Zircon well, being tossed around between partners and feeling inadequete. Fears from the past become projected into the future, and descision making becomes hard. The Moon should ask for advice from The Empress, as they may be losing touch with their “femininity”. Interestingly, The Moon is often depicted with two towers in the image, still coping from the stress of The Tower. Reversed, The Moon often means these insecurities are beginning to fade, and one is able to put their fears aside. One may also be recieving messages from the Universe, but unable to quite comprehend them. XIX. The Sun - Watermelon Tourmaline The upright and reversed meanings of The Sun are quite similar. Upright, it is indicative of success and happiness, while inverse it can indicate one’s inner child. We know that Melon is a younger Gem, and with recent parts of the manga we can see how their “inner child” has been warped and manipulated. The Sun can represent a longing for an easier time, a time in one’s life where they felt more carefree and happy.

XX. Judgement - Diamond, Yellow Diamond, Alexandrite, Amethyst 84, New Goshenite (think I got them all - the Gems currently on the moon) Judgement can definitely tell a bit of a story about the Gems on the moon. Upright, the card is indicative of new hopes and life-changing descisions. To draw Judgement upright, a pivotal life event could be on the horizon. Reversed Judgement, however, indicates self doubt, fear, and regrets. When one pulls judgement, they may be ignoring a descision that needs to be made. Getting too comfortable in putting off the descision can become dangerous. (side note: I just noticed some lotus root symbolism in my personal card)

XXI. The World - Phosphophyllite, Euclase I didn’t particularly want to reuse characters so much, but these two fit in for The World perfectly. For Phos, the story started with them, and should end with them. For Euclase - the figure depicted in The Magician is the same as the figure depicted in The World, The Magician has reached their enlightenment. To draw The World, upright, is to show that one’s journey is near completion. Euclase is the last character Gem to be worried about Phos, to even remember them. For Phos, their determination to finish what they started may be nearing it’s end. Reversed, The World is about seeking closure. Perhaps one is seeking out shortcuts rather than completing the task.  It represents nearing closure, but some sort of barrier being in the way.

anyway thanks 4 coming 2 my ted talk if u actually read it

[weabbynormalblog]

Keep strong...

I've had this message on my board all week. So I must of looked at it more than a dozen times since then. What does it mean, what am I trying to say? I stare at it, percrasting not putting laundry away, but washing the floor instead. I struggled with it, the grammar and text of the sign. Should it "be strong" or "stay strong"? Why did I decided in "keep strong" versus "be strong"? Strong can refer to physical and mental strength. Staying with the program that's the "keep" part and the "strong" part is not giving it up for good.

At my worst, it was tempting to end it all. I also wrestle with cutting behavior and body numbness. It isn't easy being me. I know I can change and heal; I've done it before. I am strong. I overcame my dyslexia by the time I was 25. I have over came back injuries, 4 times now in my life and still healing from the last time. I was in a wheel chair for a year due to a frozen sciatica. Ive had successful shoulder surgery too. I gave up smoking over 20 some odd years now. I've survived and recovered from a nasty divorce, lost business and financial ruin. I've also lost 200lbs and avoided diabeties. I thought I had seen it and done it all.

Now I'm a brain injury survivor with chronic pain and fatigue. I'll get through this and so will you!

Can you keep strong and have the ability to ask for help when needed? If you're an over achiever like myself, your pride takes a bit of a dip in having to ask. I know, it's hard to be the one needing help. Especially if it was the other way around before. Now it's time to get past it! It's ok that we need help with some tasks, and that there are things we don't know how to communicate. Then there's things that I can do that others can't. One of my best gifts is my creativity. I can make something out of nothing. Whatever a sweater boom there it is, a minion pinayta for a party, a desk organizer, a bird feeder; some people can't even visualize it, never mind create it. Even Greta Nuremburg speaks of her handicap as a gift. It let her cut through the bullshit to form a direct line to help climate change. There's a certain stubbornness that seems to develop with learning disabilities/brain injury/mental illness etc. For me I'm sure its a coping mechanism. Its my brain working out how to make sense out of all this data. It gets overloaded at the strangest times, it seems. Still lots of mystery in my head. As a person that has difficulties decoding, speaking and hearing, sometimes adapting means putting myself in the middle of everything. I need to arrange things so that I can understand and communicate better, which isn't always possible. I'm fortunate to have a person to help when I need to get groceries or run errans. I'm still too limited with my mobility to drive most days. For everything else I do more with less. I can't hear on the phone. Add accents of any kind to conversations like West Indian, British, French or German... It's the worst for me and then we play a game show called What did you say? I'll take M as in Michael please. I dont do phone calls on days that I'm not up to the task. Forget everything if I have a migraine or my pain is past 6 and I had a rough night. Phone calls, get them out and done first thing in the am. I don't play telephone tag either. When leaving a message state a day and time that works better for them to reach you. I do everything I can possibly do with text messages and email. I process information best like this, the written word. Yeah, I'm not much of a conversationalist these days in person, unless its 1 on 1 or maybe you need a monologue or speech delivered? While writing offers some communication relief theres still grammar errors and spelling mistakes, but more or less writing is stress free for me, even enjoyable opposed to trying to follow a conversation between 3 or 4 people and remember names.

On bad brain days all my disabilities can be too much; then with the chronic pain and fatigue on top of that? Just kill me now? Or maybe now? Screw going anywhere! Ever! It's a head in a jar rough day, my body doesn't respond well to anything. Walking and talking is over ratted at this point; all I can do is rest. I feel defeated by my own body. See you have to "Keep Strong" even when your body can't. So no deal, less urgent tasks fall to the wayside. Sorry I got to bail out on that date again. In the moment I just want to give way, let it all go and become a gelatinous mass that can ooze up and down the stairway, absorb nutrients by oozing on them and Ah...don't move just emit blob like behavior.

Recently I joined the local Chronic pain and fatigue organization, there is no brain rehabilitation in my area, so much for Medicare. I'm so grateful that this .org exists. It's great when I can get out to the activities. The Yoga, it was great! Low impact just what I needed. I was in bed for 2 days after that. This Thursday Yoga came and went with my sadness. I did my at home version instead. Today again is not one of those going out days. That's perfectly fine with me. I know when I'm not good with other people or getting around. There's no point in being angry, tired, frustrated and in pain.

So when faced with "keep strong" laying in my bed. I know that caring for myself is not giving in to limitating beliefs but allowing myself to becoming stronger in the long term by understanding and treating my physical limitations today instead of making like the other regular sheep. I still meet my short term goals on stretching, hydrating and eating well. The basic chores still gets done. You need to remind your self that resting is a part of the healing process. This part is about concentrating on my health and supporting my own recovery. No one can do that for you. Understanding our limitations is not a weakness! Adaptation by trial and error. What works, what doesn't and concentrate on what does work for you. Forgive yourself for not being up to task. I know it's hard to believe that it's is a gift. It is a strength and a gift to be able to face the tough stuff. We get to see the world we live in another way opposed to those entrenched in the rat race. It's not about fitting in society. It's about taking your space, finding your power and place; just as you are. I no longer feel that I'm missing out in life. I'm working on healing myself. I haven't lost the war, I'm just taking a breather. So go on ahead, I'll catch up eventually. This dang boulder won't stop rolling down the hill. Hold on, I'll go get another boulder to stop this one...