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yikes-aemond · 4 months ago

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I love you. It's ruining my life. (Part IV)

pairing: Benjicot Blackwood x Bracken!fem!reader (no descriptions of reader except that she wears dresses and has long hair)

warnings: canon typical violence, cursing, death

summary: You and Benjicot Blackwood plan for the future. Things don’t quite go as planned.

word count: 5.1k

author note: Thank you all so much for your patience! I will not lie—this part was a struggle to write. I think I rewrote it at least three times, and I am still not sure if I’m absolutely satisfied. Fair warning, I’m putting our lovebirds through the ringer, but do not worry—I’m a girl who loves a happily ever after. Also, no smut in this part, but stick around for part five. Happy reading!

part i can be found here, part ii here, and part iii here.

“Have you lost your mind?”

You could not have heard him correctly. Surely Benjicot Blackwood had not just asked you to marry him, while you were half naked.

You hurried to adjust your dress and cover yourself in a desperate attempt to establish some sense of dignity and propriety in this moment. Had you not been overwhelmed by the day, had you not been so taken off guard, you might have responded a little more kindly to a proposal from your beloved.

Benjicot laughed as he watched you try to gather your wits about you. He followed your direction, adjusting his breaches so that everything was tucked back into its proper place.

Once you were both decent, Benjicot reiterated, “I am quite serious. We should marry this evening.”

You shook your head, mind racing as you tried to comprehend what he was saying, what he was asking. For years, you had watched Benjicot from afar. Watched the way he grew into a man, into someone that people feared and respected in equal measure. Being with Benjicot was always your dream. The one you had tucked away in your heart for years, never to see the light of day should you dare to do the most dangerous thing in all of Westeros—hope.

And now he was asking you to marry him. You felt unbalanced, unsteady. Your head and your heart were at war.

You managed to get off the bed. Needing a moment to collect yourself, you put some distance between you and Benjicot and moved back across the room to the fireplace.

When you turned back to Benjicot, you saw that he had not moved. His eyes were fixed on you, that predatory gaze locked onto your form, waiting for your response.

That look in his eyes never failed to make you squirm. The weight of that stare made you think he could hear every thought in your head, all your secrets and dreams.

You sighed, breaking eye contact and said, “You know that our families will never allow it.”

Benjicot stood then, and slowly stalked toward you. With each step, you felt your heartbeat pound louder against your chest. You had thought that the longer you spent in his presence, the more you would become used to him. But you could not deny the effect Benjicot had on you, on your body.

Benjicot took your hands in his, and pulled you against him. Placing your hands on his chest, he rubbed his thumbs over the scrapes you had gotten earlier in the woods. Had that only been this morning? Time seemed to hold no meaning in this room. A prison that now felt like a sanctuary.

“That is why we must marry tonight.” Benjicot smiled, and then placed a kiss on your brow. “By the time they find out, it will be too late.”

You pulled back, just enough so that you could look at his face. “And do your really expect your father and Black Aly to welcome me into the family with open arms?”

Benjicot was still smiling, still so sure of his plan. “They will once they see how happy we are. How much we love each other.” He shrugged before continuing, “And we would not be the first Blackwoods and Brackens to marry. Others have done it in the name of peace.”

“But our families do not seek peace now!” You practically shouted, frustration coloring your tone. “We are on the brink of war, and our families stand on opposite sides.”

You tried pulling away, but Benjicot tightened his arms around you, stilling your struggle. Whatever good humor Benjicot had was slowly leaching from his features. “You know as well as I do that Queen Rhaenyra is the rightful ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.”

You closed your eyes and took a steadying breath.“Of course I agree with you, but that does not change the fact that my father will disown me if we do this. I will never be able to return home.”

Benjicot pressed another kiss to your temple and whispered against your skin,“Would that be such an awful thing?”

You felt your heart jerk at his question. The idea of never seeing your family again, of never being welcomed home, of never eating your cook’s fruit pies or riding through the moorlands outside of Stone Hedge on a misty morning, or gods never visiting your mother’s gravestone, was enough to send a wave of nausea through you.

You hid your face against his chest. “My father was not always the most loving, but he is my father. For all the faults you may find with him, he has never been cruel to me.”

Benjicot felt the shift in your mood, could practically feel the sadness and desperation radiate from the points where you touched. He knew the sacrifice he was asking you to make was no small thing. He rubbed his hands up and down your arms, trying to comfort the turmoil within you.

You could not stop the tears even if you wanted to. You did not wail, did not scream at the unfairness of your situation, did not rail against the old gods and the new for cursing your families and subjecting them to an endless blood feud. For what else could this ancient, hateful grudge between the Blackwoods and Brackens be except for a curse?

Even if you could convince your father to bless a marriage between you and Benjicot, any children between you would be enlisted to the war. Generations of prejudice had proven that. It was no matter that the Bracken or Blackwood on the other side would be a cousin. No matter that no one could remember how the hatred between your two families even began. No matter how senseless the bloodshed would be.

This was your and Benjicot’s world. You could not run from the truth of your situation, could not hide from your fates. Not if you wanted your love to withstand.

And even though the thought of never going back to Stone Hedge was devastating, the thought of never seeing Benjicot again was unthinkable. Never hearing his voice or his laugh. Never seeing his smiles. Never having him hold you in his arms. You could not bear the separation, not after having a taste of what your life could be like together.

Your tears slowed and your breathing evened out. Whatever doubts that had plagued your mind were banished. Resolution steeled your spine. You took a fortifying breath and lifted your head from Benjicot’s chest. With a watery smile on your face, you said, “I accept your proposal, Benjicot Blackwood.”

Benjicot’s joy was infectious. Smiling wide and bright, he lifted you into his arms and kissed you with such a reverence that left your breathless. Gods, you loved this man. Wanted him again and could not imagine ever being parted from him. The very thought of being separated was enough to send a panic through you.

You wrapped your arms around Benjicot’s neck and tangled your hands in his hair, your tongue in his mouth. You felt his joy in that kiss. And you let that joy into your heart. Let it fill and warm you. In this moment, you allowed yourself to be happy.

The impossible dream was becoming a reality.

When Benjicot had proposed, he did not have an actual plan. He did not have any rings or a marriage cloak. As a Blackwood, he preferred to have a ceremony before the old gods in front of the ancient, colossal weirwood tree in the godswood.

Because there were no clergy associated with the old gods, the current Lord Blackwood usually performed marriage ceremonies at Raventree Hall. But seeing as his father would likely oppose the marriage, that left Benjicot with few options. With a little convincing, or in Benjicot’s case, a little threat of bodily harm, the maester finally agreed to perform the ceremony.

You could not stop smiling as Benjicot snuck you out of your rooms. With each passing hallway and corridor, you felt your excitement grow. You could barely contain your glee as you clung to each other, arms linked and hands intertwined, as you made your way into the godswood.

The maester stood before the weirwood tree, with only the moonlight and a few lanterns to light the way. Hundreds of ravens were to be your witnesses. On any other night, feeling the weight of all those eyes watching you might have felt unsettling. But nothing could spoil this moment, nothing could come between you and Benjicot—

“What in the Seven Hells do you think you’re doing?”

Every muscle in your body tensed. Panic settled in your chest, and you felt your stomach drop.

Black Aly stood at the edge of the godswood, her bow and arrow knocked and poised to strike.

You felt the world shift. One moment you were standing beside Benjicot, and the next, Benjicot stood in between you and Aly, putting himself in the way of the arrow that had been aimed at your chest.

“Lower the bow, Aly.” Benjicot’s voice was hard and low. You watched as he moved his hand to the hilt of his dagger, ready to draw the blade at any moment.

Even from a distance, you could see Aly roll her eyes at Benjicot’s actions, but she did not lower her bow. “Do not overwork yourself, nephew.”

You grabbed the back of Benjicot’s cloak, pulling slightly as if to hold him back. You glanced wearily back and forth between the Blackwoods. Two warriors preparing to battle. The last thing you wanted was for there to be violence. For surely a duel between Bloody Ben and Black Aly would be a fight for the ages.

Benjicot’s body was tense as yours. He did not truly believe that Aly would hurt you. Aly was tough but fair, and underneath her brash attitude and hostility, she had a gentle heart. But he would not risk you. Would not allow anyone to threaten or harm you. Not when he had the ability to protect you.

Benjicot pulled out his dagger. “Put the bow away, Aly. I will not ask again.”

You wanted to step in between them like you had done in the fight with Aeron. But this situation was different. This was two Blackwood who were taking the measure of each other, testing how far the other was willing to go. You could not intervene, even if the sight of an arrow pointed at Benjicot was enough to send your blood running cold.

After what felt like hours, Aly lowered her bow. Sighing, she returned the arrow to her quiver. Only then did Benjicot sheath his dagger.

“You sure have a flare for the dramatics, nephew.”

Now it was Benjicot’s turn to roll his eyes. “Says the woman who had an arrow aimed at my betrothed.”

Your heart fluttered at the word.

Aly huffed out a laugh. “Is that what she is to you? Your betrothed? I do not recall your father agreeing to any such arrangement.”

Benjicot remained in front of you, a barrier between you and Aly. “I asked for her hand, and she accepted.”

Aly stood with her hands on her hips, eyes directed toward the heavens. She looked as if she were searching for patience amongst the stars. When she cut her gaze back to Benjicot, you could not miss the look of pity that flashed across her face.

“Benji, you know that you cannot marry her.”

You reached for Benjicot’s hand, needing his touch and warmth to ground you in this moment. Whatever happiness you had felt, whatever joy that you had shared, was now slowly falling through your grasp.

Black Aly would never allow you two to marry. Not like this.

But Benjicot’s stubbornness was no light thing. “I love her, Aly. I will marry her, and you cannot stop me.”

Just as Aly was about to respond, you saw her face pale and expression grow uneasy. And when you heard the voice behind you, you understood why.

“You would be wise to reconsider that position, son.”

If you had thought you felt panic before, that was nothing to the sickening feeling that plagued you now.

Because standing on the opposite side of the godswood, directly across from Aly, was Lord Samwell Blackwood. Benjicot’s father, and your own father’s sworn enemy. And with him stood a dozen Blackwood guards, each looking between you and Benjicot with expressions that ranged from disbelief to disgust.

You had never been formally introduced to Lord Blackwood. He was a rather tall man, with hair as black as a raven’s wing. His close-cropped beard was the same. Like Benjicot, his gaze was enough to send a lesser man cowering. And right now that gaze was cold and enraged and fixed on you and Benjicot.

If Benjicot had not been holding your hand, you would have been trembling. The two of you were trapped.

“Are you so eager to start a war, Benjicot?” Lord Blackwood asked, his tone was like ice. “For some Bracken wench?”

You felt Benjicot’s hand tighten around yours, almost to the point of pain. One glance at Benjicot told you that he was furious. His glare held that feral edge, and he was close to snarling. Bloody Ben was backed into a corner, and he looked itching for a fight. Even if that fight was against his own father.

“You will mind how you speak about my lady, father.” Had you not been so fearful for your life and his, you would have thought that declaration rather romantic.

Lord Blackwood did not look impressed. “Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you and your lady have brought to our door, Benjicot?”

“We wish to marry, father.” Benjicot glanced at you as he said, “We love each other.”

A long suffering sigh escaped from Lord Blackwood as he motioned for his men to stand down. “That does not change the fact that she is a Bracken. You cannot simply marry her without expecting there to be consequences.”

“I am prepared to accept any consequence if it means we can be together.” The surety in Benjicot’s tone was enough to ease the fear that had gripped you since you had been discovered. You could help but give him a small smile.

A smile that Lord Blackwood did not miss. “And you, Lady Bracken?” Lord Blackwood sneered. “Are you prepared to face the consequences of this marriage? Your father will seek retribution for this little act of rebellion. Are you prepared to have blood on your hands?”

Now you were the one who squeezed Benjicot’s hand. Lord Blackwood terrified you, and so did his words. You did not wish to be the cause of another fight between the Blackwoods and the Brackens, did not want to send anyone to their death because you fell in love with someone who was never meant to be yours.

Benjicot nudged his shoulder against yours, offering you what strength he could. With him standing at your side, you found the courage to meet Lord Blackwood’s gaze. “Whatever trials and tribulations may come our way, Lord Blackwood, I am prepared to meet them with Benjicot as my lord husband.”

Even without looking at him, you could feel Benjicot’s eyes on you as you held your own against his father. Could feel how proud he was of you for defending your future together.

Taking another breathe, you could not help but add, “You speak of my hands becoming bloody, but I could not think of anything more fitting for a woman betrothed to Bloody Ben Blackwood.”

The silence in the godswood was deafening.

Every person and creature seemed to be holding their breath for Lord Blackwood’s response. You did not dare break eye contact with him, determined to hold your ground and prove yourself worthy of being Benjicot’s wife.

Lord Blackwood finally moved his gaze from you and back to Benjicot. “We will treat with Lord Bracken tomorrow. Offer him a parley. You will ask his permission to marry his daughter. You will accept his decision, no matter what he says.”

“Father! You know he will not—”

But Lord Blackwood had heard enough. Holding up his hand, he demanded silence. “Those are my terms, Benjicot. Be grateful I am allowing this much.”

A weariness had settled over Lord Blackwood’s features. Although he was still a man in his prime, in that moment, he looked aged and tired. As he turned to leave the godswood, he said, “We stand on the brink of war. The Targaryens are at each other’s throats since King Viserys passed. Soon House Blackwood will be asked to choose a side, and you have allowed your foolish heart to guide your choices.”

You could tell Benjicot wanted to protest, wanted to push back on his father’s orders. He knew as well as you did that convincing your father to allow the two of you to marry was going to take an act of the gods.

And even though Benjicot knew when to pick his battles, knew when he had lost a fight, he could not help but have the last word. “There are worse things to be guided by than one’s heart, father.”

Benjicot’s words gave Lord Blackwood pause. For a moment, you thought he might respond, might reprimand Benjicot for his lack of respect. Only when Lord Blackwood continued walking out of the godswood did you feel like you could breathe again.

The Blackwood guards followed their ledge lord, leaving you, Benjicot, and Aly in the presence of the ravens. You could have collapsed from exhaustion. You felt wrung out from the day. Too much had happened in such a short period of time, and your body was protesting.

Aly approached and stopped just short of you and Benjicot. “Well, that did not quite go as I expected.”

Benjicot rounded on Aly, and with animosity in his voice, he asked, “Why did you stop us?”

Aly stared at Benjicot like he had grown a second head. “We’re trying to prevent a war, Benji. Had the two of you married, Bracken would have shown up here with a thousand men seeking your head. You might love each other, but is that love really worth the lives of hundreds? Thousands?”

“You are overreacting—”

Aly shoved at Benjicot’s chest. “And you are being an idiot! Use your head, Benji. If you had married in secret, the Brackens would have stopped at nothing to avenge that insult. You know that, even if you are too blind to see it.”

With a softer tone, Aly continued, “Be grateful your father is supporting you in this. He could have just as easily returned her to Stone Hedge. You have a chance.”

Benjicot scoffed. “A chance? Do you really believe—”

“Enough.” You cut Benjicot off before he could say another word. You took his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. “My father may hate Blackwoods, but he is not unreasonable. We will convince him.”

You could tell that Benjicot was struggling to control his temper. He was still running hot from the confrontation with Aly and his father. Bloody Ben was lingering too close to the surface. You pulled his face toward yours and pressed a kiss to his lips. Nothing more than a gentle peck, but enough to distract him.

When you pulled back, you could see that some of the edge had worn off. Benjicot’s face was calmer, less hostile. “I love you, Benjicot Blackwood. I do not plan to give you up without a fight.”

Benjicot smiled at your words, the soft smile he reserved just for you. He wrapped his arms around you, tucking you under his chin. “My brave girl. I pity any man who would dare cross you.”

You held each other for a moment before Aly cleared her throat. “If you two are finished, I’m going to escort little Bracken back to her rooms.”

With a quick kiss to your head, Benjicot released you and said, “Sleep well, my lady.”

You did not want to leave Benjicot, but you knew there was no way Aly was going to let you stay with each other. As you followed her out of the godswood, you could not help but take one last look at Benjicot.

You nearly stumbled when you saw him. Beneath the ancient weirwood tree, bathed in moonlight and surrounded by ravens, stood Benjicot. His head bowed as if in prayer.

You did not have to guess what he was praying about. You only hoped that the old gods were listening.

The only neutral territory acceptable to both the Blackwoods and the Brackens were the boundary stones near the old windmill. The day was overcast and cold, with the wind tearing through the cloak Aly had lent you.

Aly had not left your side since collecting you from your rooms that morning. You and Benjicot had been kept separated for the entire journey. You had asked for him, begged Aly to allow you two a moment alone, but she had refused. Lord Blackwood was keeping both she and Benjicot on a tight leash until this matter was settled.

To say you were nervous was an understatement. You had tossed and turned the entire night, too anxious to close your eyes for fear of what your dreams may hold. You might have been confident with Benjicot the night before, but in truth, you had no idea how to convince your father to allow you to marry.

The Brackens had arrived first.

A host of about fifty men had gathered on their side of the boundary stones. A sea of red and gold with a few horses scattered in the mix. You did not miss how all the men were armed with swords at the ready.

And in the front, seated atop his favorite war horse and adorned in battle leathers, was Amos Bracken. Your father.

Amos Bracken was not as tall or built as Samwell Blackwood, but you knew your father to be a proficient swordsmen and respected fighter in his own right. You had no doubt that should this come to blows, he would hold his own.

Aeron stood beside him. A united front against their perceived enemies. And while your father’s face was blank of all emotions, calm and controlled, Aeron’s disdain for the Blackwoods was clear for all to see.

The Blackwood host equalled that of the Brackens’. You had ridden to the neutral ground on the back of Aly’s horse. You had tried to spot Benjicot all morning, but there were too many men, too much chaos. The closer you got to the boundary stones, the more you felt Aly tense in front of you.

When you finally stopped, Aly directed you to the front of the vanguard. She had drawn her bow the moment your feet hit the ground.

Your first sight of Benjicot sent your heart thumping. His dark hair was mussed, as if he had run his hand through it multiple times. But that was the only sign that Benjicot felt uneasy. His posture was relaxed, and his mouth was fixed in a smirk, like this meeting was an every day occurrence. He showed no fear.

Aly stopped you slightly behind and to the right of Benjicot. You saw the moment when your father and Aeron spotted you. Your father’s eyes narrowed slightly, and Aeron’s face twisted into a mix of shock and disbelief.

You swallowed down the fear and anxiety. Swallowed down the nausea that threatened to upend your breakfast. Swallowed down any uncertainty you felt. You had to present a strong front to your father and his men. Otherwise, they would pounce on any hesitation and demand that you be returned home.

Lord Blackwood broke the silence first. “Amos. A pleasure as always.”

“Cut the shit, Blackwood,” Lord Bracken snarled, “and return my daughter to me.”

The words were not unexpected. You tensed as Aeron shifted his hand to the sword at his side, stomach twisting as he gripped the hilt.

You exhaled a long breath and fixed your gaze on your father. “I am well, father. The Blackwoods have treated me kindly.”

Lord Bracken’s face darkened, and you instantly regretted speaking. “I do not want to hear a single word from you.”

Your cheeks flamed at the dismissal, but you refused to lower your eyes. Refused to cower before your family. “Then I am sorry to disappoint you, father.”

“You insubordinate, ungrateful—”

“Lord Bracken,” Benjicot interjected, stopping your father from insulting you further. “I am here to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”

You did not so much as breathe as you waited for your father to respond.

And waited.

The longer you waited, the more panic seeped into your veins. But when your father finally responded, you wished that he had not.

With a sneer on his face, your father glared at Benjicot when he said, “I would sooner feed my daughter to one of those Targaryen dragons before marrying her to some Blackwood cunt.”

You had felt like someone had knocked the air from your lungs. You had never seen such hatred on your father’s face. Had never heard his voice sound so cold and cruel. You knew that he hated the Blackwoods, but to sentence you to death rather than let you marry?

You looked at your father like he was a stranger.

You heard angry shouts and curses behind you from the Blackwood host. Felt that the bloodlust in the air had upped a notch.

Lord Blackwood held up a hand to silence his men. “Careful, Bracken.”

“My daughter was taken by your son. Subjected to gods knows what. I will not be careful, Blackwood.”

“That’s not true, father!” You shouted, launching yourself to stand before your father. You had to find some way to convince him, some way to get him to listen. “Benjicot and I are in love. Please, just listen to us.”

Your father scoffed. “Love? Between a Bracken and a Blackwood? Do not make me laugh.”

The Bracken host jeered at your father’s word, laughing and snickering at the very idea of you and Benjicot being together. You even heard a man call out, “Blackwood whore!”

You did not see Benjicot move. Did not see him reach for the dagger at his hip. Did not see him launch the blade into the air.

But you could not miss the dagger embedding itself into the man’s throat. Could not miss the splattering of blood or the final wheeze of breath the man took before falling to the ground. Dead in the blink of an eye.

A scream tore from your throat. You whipped around to look at Benjicot and found Bloody Ben instead. His eyes held that crazed, feral look, but there was no smirk.

Every Blackwood and Bracken standing in that field un-sheathed their weapons.

“You may insult me all you wish, Bracken!” Benjicot called out, moving forward. “Call me a cunt. Call me craven. I do not care.” He stopped next to you and took your hand. "But I will cut down any man who dares to say such vile insults to my lady. Of that, I promise you.”

Your father did not look pleased by that declaration. If anything, he looked more enraged than before. “You violate the terms of this parley, Blackwood. You have spilled Bracken blood. I have the right to demand your head. But I will settle for the return of my daughter. Now.”

You were close to tears. Nothing you or Benjicot said moved your father. He was determined to hold onto his hatred, to see the Blackwoods in the worst possible light. But you could not give up—you had to try.

“Father, please,” your voice broke at the words, “I know that the feud between our families has lasted for a millennium. I know that the thought of a Blackwood and Bracken being together, of loving one another, is inconceivable to you. I know that this is not the life you wished for me. But I have lovedBenjicot since I was a girl.” You took a quick glance at Benjicot to give you strength. “And he loves me. I humbly ask you to grant our union.”

Your father refused to look at you. Refused to acknowledge your words or pleas. You clutched Benjicot’s hand tighter. For you knew what was coming. Knew that your father was about to crush whatever hope you still held onto.

Ignoring you and Benjicot as if you were insignificant, he directed his words to Lord Blackwood, “I do not give my blessing to this marriage. Return my daughter to me or we will have war.”

Your vision swam and your ears began ringing. Somewhere in the distance you heard Lord Blackwood sigh and give the command. Your hand was ripped from Benjicot’s, by whom you did not know. You felt as if the entire world had spun off its axis. How had everything gone so wrong?

One moment, you were standing next to Benjicot, his warm hand against yours, and then in the blink of an eye, you were on the other side of the boundary stones, with Aeron leading you away.

You felt as if you were disconnected from your body. Aeron’s arms were around you, guiding you. You were vaguely aware that he was trying to say something, speak to you about what had happened. But you felt nothing. Heard nothing. A numbness had settled over you.

Only when you heard Benjicot call out your name did you snap.

You shoved against Aeron, tried to run back across the boundary stones to Blackwood land, back to your love, but Aeron held firm. You struggled against him, screaming and hitting and kicking, but your strength was no match for his.

You looked across the field to see Benjicot being held back by three men. He was snarling and raging, but the men held firm and forced him to his knees. You watched as Aly tried to speak to him, tried to calm him down.

But there was no calming Bloody Ben. Not now. Not when his lady had been taken from him.

When Benjicot saw that you were watching him, saw that you were struggling against your own constraints, he stopped. His eyes were wild and fierce and held the promise of retribution. With laboring breaths Benjicot shouted across the field, “I will come you for you, my lady!” He vowed. “I will always come for you!”

You sobbed at his words. Sobbed for the happiness and hope that you had felt only hours before. Sobbed for the future you might have shared together.

For the second time, you were forced to leave Benjicot behind in this accursed field. Only this time, the heartbreak was so much worse. You had gotten a taste of the impossible dream, gotten so close to getting everything you wanted.

Your dream had become a nightmare.

final author note: I know! I know! We have to suffer before things get better. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Love you babes xx

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jetblack4realz · 4 months ago

Text

lake days i - jake "hangman" seresin x reader

summary - when you and jake get stationed in your hometown, you decide to drag him with you to a lake day with your family - it taking a much different turn than expected.

!split into parts & takes place years and years before the uranium mission!

pt ii , pt iii , pt iv , pt v

warnings - none

word count - 5.7k

______________________________________________________________

the hawaii mission wasn't the first time you'd met jake seresin, but it was certainly the first time he caught your attention.

you both had been put in a position to compete for the mission, but in a surprise turn of events they just threw you both in. jake led, which he never let you forget, but your captain had decided that he needed you as a wingman, which you never let him forget. you knew his reputation and you'd seen it firsthand, but he was a surprisingly good partner to you. the mission was a success, of course, and you both finished out the last four months of assignment together. as your six months finished out, you found yourself hoping to be stationed with him again.

and you were.

admiral hensley called you both to his office when giving you new orders for the next 18 months and you couldn't help the small smile pulling at your lips. when you exited, hangman pulled you into his side with a laugh.

"excited to be my wingman again, sweetheart?" he asked.

"i think this time you'll find it's the other way around," you answered, winking as you laughed and pulled out of his grasp.

"we'll see about that," he said, smirking.

you both arrived in fort worth, texas with wide grins on your mouths.

"home sweet home," jake said. you hauled your bags onto your shoulders, striding off the runway and towards base. you began to walk towards the office, phone in your hand as you began typing in a local number.

"bronco," the man called with furrowed brows. "you not going to the bunks?"

"this is my home base," you replied. "i've got a place just a half hour out of here."

"how are you getting there?" he asked, quirking a brow with a simple smirk. "your boyfriend picking you up?"

you laughed, shaking your head. "don't got one. don't have time for one. my dad and brothers are coming, i haven't seen some of 'em in almost two years."

"glad you get to now," he told you with a surprisingly genuine smile. you nodded, smiling back.

"yeah, me too," you said. he nodded once before turning again, presumably to his room on base. "hey, hangman."

he turned, eyebrow raised in question.

"aren't you from texas too? anywhere around here?"

"odessa," he answered. he breathed a laugh. "so, no."

you watched each other for a few moments as you very openly debated something in your head. you breathed out slowly before finally just throwing it out there. "you like boating?"

your question caught him off guard. "boating?"

"yeah," you nodded. you quirked a brow, smirking slightly. "you ever been?"

"well, yeah," he nodded slowly. "like, twice."

"twice?" you exclaimed, shaking your head. "that's no good hangman. you should come with us this weekend. my family's property is just 45 minutes off of eagle mountain lake and we were gonna head over saturday. if you don't already have plans, we'd love to have you."

it was memorial day weekend, and your family always spent it on the lake. in light of your fresh transfer, your new admiral had granted you and jake both the monday off and you were definitely taking advantage of the three day weekend.

"you sure?" he asked, raising a brow. "i don't want to intrude. you haven't seen them in so long and i-"

"hangman, if you don't get to see your family, at least come see mine," you answered with a small smile. "they're very welcoming."

he debated for a few moments before huffing a breath. "you're very kind, bronco."

"so, that's a yes?" you asked, grinning. before he could answer, you began walking backwards to enter the office. "i'll take you back with me after shift friday! see you tomorrow!"

you mock-saluted him before turning on your heel and throwing open the door, slipping through it with an excited blush on your cheeks. hangman laughed to himself, shaking his head as he turned to make his way to the bunks. he couldn't believe you'd just invited him back to your family's house - but he couldn't say he wasn't glad you did.

"ready?" you asked, hand on your hip with a grin as jake approached you with his small dufflebag thrown over his shoulder. he nodded.

"as i'll ever be," he answered. "where you parked?"

you led him outside to a beat up brown subaru, pulling the driver's side door open. he quirked a brow as he examined the car, fingers running over the chipping paint.

"didn't imagine you a subaru gal, bronco," he mused, restraining a laugh. you rolled your eyes, shaking your head.

"i'm not. it's my mom's, she's letting me borrow it while i'm here," you answered.

"we gotta get you something better than that," he laughed. "for one, your mom outta want her car back and for two, i can't be seen in a - what year is it?"

"2005," you muttered.

"in a 2005, brown subaru outback," he said, clicking his tongue against his teeth thrice.

"oh, you can't be seen in it? i have to drive this thing to a naval airbase every day of my life," you laughed.

"we'll find you something better. with all this driving you're doing, you definitely need it," he told you. you rolled your eyes again.

"just get in the car, hangman," you said, slipping into the driver's side.

he laughed, tossing his bag in the backseat. "alright, alright."

the drive went smoothly, conversation with jake was never real difficult. as you pulled down a dirt road, passing under a large metal overhead sign announcing that it was the l/n residence jake watched it, a smile pulling at his lips.

"now before we get there, i've gotta warn you," you started, glancing at the man next to you. "all my brothers are in town for this and so are their wives and kids. it'll be a mad house, but it's all love i promise you. just, be prepared for a barrage of questions and kids wanting your attention."

"how many brothers do you have?" he asked.

"three older brothers - logan who's married to brynlee, barrett who's married to alice, and gideon who's thriving single, and two younger brothers - joshua who's married to kyrie, and darren who's 17 so he's single. and all in all, i think i have four, no five nieces and nephews. oh, but alice is pregnant with their first, so like five and a half," you answered, breathing in deeply after the long-winded explanation. you glanced at him with a nervous chuckle. "i told you, it's a lot."

he was smiling widely, shaking his head. "it sounds wonderful. really. i've got a big family too, just all sisters and brother-in-laws. i'm excited to have all those people around again."

your nervous smile softened and you nodded, pulling into the driveway. "i'm glad."

you both climbed out of the car, jake moving to grab his duffle from the back but you shook your head. "leave it, we'll take it back to mine after dinner."

"oh, right," he answered, forgetting entirely that you had your own place and that he was staying there, with you, alone. he trailed after you as you approached the beautiful oak front door.

you turned to him with a grin, hand gripping the door handle. "brace yourself, hangman."

with that, you threw the door open with a yell of, "honey, i'm home!" jake laughed as he watched three kids instantly attach themselves to your legs, the oldest little boy looking about five.

"oh my gosh, you guys are hug!" you exclaimed.

the little boy looked up at jake, his head cocked to the side in evident interest.

"auntie y/n, who's that?" he asked. just as you opened your mouth to answer, a teenager walked in with a teasing grin and answered for her.

"that's her boyfriend," he said in a sing-song tone. you rolled your eyes, whacking him in the shoulder.

"shut up, darren," you said. you picked up the five year old, turning to jake with a smile. "finn, this is jake. jake, this is logan's oldest, finn. he's five."

jake smiled, offering him a little wave. "hey, finn."

you gestured to a little girl at your feet. "and this is leila, finn's little sister. she's three." there was another girl next to leila. "and everleigh, also three. but, she's josh's." you whacked your little brother in the shoulder again, a wry smile on your lips as you tried to not laugh at his dramatic outburst of pain. "and my little brother, darren."

"hi," jake laughed. darren stretched a hand forward, grinning widely.

"welcome to the family," he teased as jake shook the boy's hand. jake laughed heartily.

"thanks, glad to be here."

introductions with the rest of the family continued in the dining room, the remaining two nephews sitting in their dad's lap.

"y/n!" the family chorused.

"hey guys," you grinned. you turned to let jake step forward, your brothers smirking at you as he did so. "everybody, this is jake seresin, my wingman on my last mission." he looked at you with raised brows and a breathy laugh, shaking his head slightly. you concealed your laughing with a slim grin, continuing. "he's gonna be spending the weekend with us."

your mother approached with a sweet smile on her face. "jake, how wonderful to meet you. y/n's told us so much."

"oh has she?" jake asked with a grin in your direction. he shook her hand gently, a small smile directed at the older woman.

"enough for us to be glad to have you," your dad chimed in. "we hear you're competitive. you good at water sports?"

"can't say i've tried any," jake laughed sheepishly. you exchanged grins with your brothers. you patted his arm.

"don't worry, we'll change that," you told him. you turned your attention back to your family. you took your time to point out each brother and sister-in-law, and your remaining two twin one year old nephews, brigham and beckham, who were josh's.

everyone was very welcoming towards him and he found his heart swelling at the experience of being with so much family. as they all conversed and ate, he began to realize where you had gotten all of your snark and sarcasm - he supposed that's what growing up with five brothers got you. but, as he watched the way your mother treated everyone and how your father ensured the teasing never reached a tipping point, he also began to understand how you tended to know the balances of things and always be cordial to others. it was a talent that slipped his mind some of the time, but in the presence of such kind people he made sure to do.

darren had taken an extreme liking to the 30-year-old, asking him all sorts of questions about what he flew, how he flew, what missions he'd been on (which he obviously couldn't tell him), and everything about the navy. this got finn excited too, the little one climbing on your lap just to lean over to jake to catch his attention.

"you do realize that i'm in the navy too, right?" you asked darren with a raised brow, pulling finn back to keep him from slipping off your knee as he held onto jake's arm. "everything he's done, i've done. you've never asked me before."

"you're not as cool, y/n," gideon teased you in response, darren laughing and nodding in agreement.

"i'd have to agree," jake said, winking at you as your brothers laughed.

"so, where are you from, jake?" your mom asked with a smile.

"odessa," he answered, matching her smile. "born and raised texan."

"good," your dad nodded. "your family still back there?"

"yes sir," jake said. "mom and sisters at least. dad died a few years back."

"sorry to hear that, son," your dad said, giving him a small nod.

"odessa," your mom hummed. "what did you say your last name was again, honey?"

"seresin," jake answered politely.

"your mom's maiden name?" she furthered. jake laughed, glancing at you momentarily.

"sorry, mom grew up in odessa," you told him with a short laugh, shooting your mom a look to stop interrogating him. "sure she's just trying to make connections."

"oh, it's fine," jake said. it was a common occurrence in texas. "she was a gilbert."

"gilbert," she repeated again. her eyes lit up. "alyssa gilbert?"

"yeah," he laughed. "you know her?"

"we went to high school together!" she cheered. "how about that? we're friends on facebook but haven't talked in years. i'll have to tell her i've got you over here, maybe they can come over sometime! have a barbeque, go to the lake. you got a lot of siblings, jake?"

"four sisters," he nodded, smiling at her enthusiasm.

"oh, wonderful! that would be so fun, wouldn't that be so wonderful y/n?" she asked, turning to you. from next to her alice and kyrie were about to burst into laughter, barrett winking at you. you pulled a thin smile, trying to avoid estranging jake because of your overly-enthusiastic mother.

"yeah, that'd be something, ma," you answered, returning your attention to the potato salad on your plate.

"i'm sure they'd love that," jake said, appeasing your mom.

after a few hours and several slices of pie, you were leading jake back out to your car. darren followed you to the door, grinning widely.

"drive safe!" he called as you threw yourself into your seat. "no fun allowed tonight! i mean it!"

you slammed your door shut, flipping him off through the window, though he could barely see it with the dim light in the car. jake laughed loudly, getting in his seat as darren returned inside. as soon as his door was shut you let out a breathy laugh.

"well, that was fun," you said. "i think they like you."

"i think they do too," he said with a small smile. "i really like them, y/n."

"i'm glad. they're my favorite people," you told him.

you reached around to buckle and he followed your lead as you backed out of the driveway.

"so, where's your place at?" he asked as you turned onto the dirt road, continuing further into the property.

"just a few minutes down the road," you answered. "my parents promised each of us some land if we wanted to build on it. the only one who doesn't have a place out here is gideon, he lives in houston. says he doesn't need it because he isn't planning on getting married and having a family anytime soon."

"oh," jake said, looking at you intently. "but, you've got a place out here."

"yeah, so what?"

"are you planning on a family anytime soon?"

you glanced at him, furrowing your brows slightly. "i was. saved up for my place since high school, got some of my dad's buddies to give me discounts, designed it, helped build it when i could while going to college. then, well, my plans changed. i dropped out of college and went into the navy, got shipped out two years later. my house was finished though, so i kept it."

he thought on your answer for a few moments. "you didn't answer my question."

"the answer is i don't know," you sighed, pulling into your garage. "would i like to have a family? sure. is it gonna happen for me? probably not. and hey, i have things to do, i love my job... life's okay for me."

you laughed shortly, looking back at your fellow aviator.

"what?" he asked.

"wasn't expecting to talk to you about that today. don't really tell people things like that."

"then why'd you tell me?"

"why'd you ask?"

you both paused, a small smile pulling at your lips before you turned away, pulling your door open. he followed suit, grabbing his bag and following you into the two-story farmhouse. it was beautiful, he had to admit.

"you designed this?" he asked, looking up at it while you turned the key.

"yep," you answered. "my pride and joy."

"that's such a texas thing," he laughed, following you inside. "you built your own house? if a girl i met at the bar said she built her own house i might just marry her right then and there."

"that's a weird thing to admit, seresin," you laughed, gesturing for him to follow you upstairs.

"what? i like a blue collar woman," he shrugged. he grinned widely. "they're usually way sexier too."

you rolled your eyes, sighing, "there's the hangman i know."

you approached the first door to your right, pushing it open. "this is you. there's a bathroom attached and you can keep your things in the dresser if you'd like. i'm just down the hall here."

he entered the room, tossing his bag on the white comforter. he looked around with a nod. "thanks bronco. i owe you one."

"you don't owe me anything," you said with a shake of your head. "well, except for a promise to try everything i tell you to tomorrow."

he laughed. "deal."

"you're in for it," you promised. "we need to meet at mom and dad's at 7, so be up by 6:30. i'll come and knock to make sure you're up."

"sounds good," he answered.

you smiled, nodding slowly as you stayed leaning in the doorway for a few moments. "i'll, uh, i'll see you in the morning. goodnight, jake."

"goodnight, y/n," he said. "thanks again. i'm excited."

"me too." you disappeared from his sight, the man leaning to watch you walk back to your room. he smiled slightly before turning back to his bag, beginning to unpack the few contents into the dresser next to the bed.

it was 6:35 when you finally rolled out of bed, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. you knew you had to get up, you just desperately didn't want to.

you pulled yourself out from under the covers, walking slowly to your closet. you grabbed the navy blue swimsuit you'd set out the night before: a longline bikini top that you knew would stay secure during water sports and matching high-waisted bottoms. you pulled a pair of denim shorts over, not bothering with a shirt.

you pulled open your door and then walked into the extremely bright hallway. with a hand blocking the light from your eyes, you approached jake's door, knocking slowly.

it was swung open quickly to reveal an all ready hangman, clad in dark blue swim shorts and a white tee shirt you were sure would be coming off as soon as water was in sight. that's how he was anytime you and the crew would lounge the beaches of hawaii and you were confident it wouldn't be any different here.

he eyed your swimsuit and you eyed his, both letting out short laughs.

"looks like we'll be twinning out there, darlin'," he teased. you shrugged.

"makes for cuter pictures," you answered, smirking. "grab your things, i'll be down in a sec."

he nodded and you turned back to grab your sunscreen, sunglasses, and hat before jogging down the stairs to find jake sitting on your counter.

"ready?" you asked. he nodded, hopping down and following you out the door and to your car.

when you pulled up to the house, darren was quick to comment on the swimsuit situation.

"and you say you aren't a couple," he said with a smirk.

"well, we're not. it's just a coincidence," you said with a roll of your eyes, pushing past him to get to where your dad was loading up the jetski and canopies.

"ouch," darren said with a laugh, turning his attention to jake. "she's in a bad mood."

jake shrugged. "it was just a coincidence."

he followed your lead and took some camping chairs from your mother, smiling graciously as he loaded them into the back of the truck. as you finished strapping down the jetski, logan pulled up with a beautiful white and blue surfboat.

you were shaken out of whatever mood darren's comment had put you in as you shook jake's arm and ran to where logan parked, jake following you with furrowed brows.

"jake," you said with a grandiose expression. "this is my pride and joy, my beautiful bluey."

"bluey?" he laughed. "you named your boat?"

"technically, it's our boat," logan corrected.

"right, but still," you shrugged. "a beautiful, 2014 cobalt surf boat, one of the first they've ever made. way better than the crappy mastercraft we used to have."

"what's wrong with a mastercraft?" jake asked, realizing very quickly that he was incredibly out of his element. logan laughed, shrugging.

"it's the honda of boats," he answered.

"ah," jake said, understanding as he nodded his head.

"alright everyone, pack it up!" your mom yelled.

as everyone piled into the two trucks and one ford explorer, jake looked at you, wondering where to go.

"there's some more seats in josh's," your mom told you, but you shrugged.

"too cramped," you answered, instead stepping onto logan's back tire and sitting down in the bed of the truck. jake grinned, following quickly and plopping down next to you.

"we got some nice privacy back here," he mused, winking at you jokingly.

you laughed, rolling your eyes. "oh yeah, take advantage of it, seresin."

"i might just," he said.

when you all pulled up to the lake, you and jake hopped out of the back.

"i'm gonna drive the boat out," you told him, "as logan backs it into the water. do you wanna just get in with me?"

"sure," he agreed, walking with you a few steps until you were at the back. "need a hand?"

you were, in fact, slightly too short to be able to get on it while it was still on the trailer. you nodded. "that'd be great, actually."

he held his hands down and boosted you up as you stepped on them, the man quickly following.

"shoes off," you instructed, slipping off your sandals and throwing them under one of the seats, jake following your lead. as you stood in front of the seat, you slid the key in and gestured for logan to back it up into the water fully.

jake watched in awe as you worked the boat expertly, yelling instructions and giving hand signals to direct your brother as far back as you needed, eventually having jake jump out to unstrap the sides and give you a little push off until you were able to turn the boat and blower on and push it out yourself. as he pulled himself back in and came up behind you, he watched the way your hands worked the steering and throttle.

"impressed, hangman?" you laughed, glancing back at him. "i'm surprised - i fly planes for a living, you think i can't drive my own boat?"

"no, i'd be disappointed if you couldn't," he laughed, sitting in the passenger seat as you pulled off the ramp and started towards your previously decided beach spot. darren was on the jetski, following you from a distance.

"just wait until we really get going," you told him with a grin. "you can be impressed then."

"counting on it, darlin'," he said.

when you found your family you let logan grab the larger anchor and tie the boat to the beach as you and jake exited the boat, your shorts and his shirt coming off before you dropped in the water.

you glanced at him before slipping into the water, refusing to blush at your friend's abs. you knew he was attractive and you knew he was toned - you'd been to the beach with him before. but still, you couldn't deny that jake seresin was a sight to see.

on the flip side, he couldn't deny that you looked good. like, really good. he'd seen you in a swimsuit before too, but he always found it difficult to keep his eyes off. you were drop dead gorgeous, he'd admit that to anyone, any day of the week - except for your family, right this moment.

not that they needed to ask. they could tell. or at least, a few of them could.

"how do you spend time with him and not just fall in love?" kyrie asked you in a hushed whisper as you dropped into a camp chair next to her. you laughed.

"he's... hangman. he's just hangman. we're friends," you shrugged.

"any chance you want to be more?" brynlee asked, wiggling her brows as alice and kyrie giggled.

"oh, keep to your own lives," you said, leaning back in your chair.

"our lives are boring, we've already got our men - you're still working on yours," kyrie said.

"i think you've already found him," alice said with a small smile. she nodded to where darren was punching around with jake, jake finally shoving him into the water where the boy tripped back and soaked himself. jake laughed loudly before getting attacked from behind by finn, turning to pretend fight the boy off.

"aw, he's so sweet y/n," brynlee said, grabbing your arm with a smile, effectively shaking you out of your trance. he had been so good with your family so far, you wondered if this was how he was normally - without all the bravado required for aviation.

"yeah, i guess he is," you mumbled. you cleared your throat, looking back at your sister-in-laws. "he's usually a lot louder and cockier than this. you'll see later while we're playing around. he's a tease."

"i think you're the tease right now," kyrie laughed. "you didn't see the way he was looking at you when you were walking up to the beach. you looked hot and he knew it honey."

"no way," you said with a shake of your head. "we're just friends."

"you might've started the weekend that way," brynlee said, standing up with a teasing smile. "but you won't end it that way."

your mouth fell open in shock as she walked to logan, scooping leila up in her arms and laughing as the three year old did. you shook your head, turning your attention to the other girls.

"she's right, you know," alice said. "don't look behind you."

and so you didn't, instead watching as the grins on their faces grew and grew until someone had grabbed your chair, lifting it from behind and making you stand. you landed on your feet, turning quickly to find jake with a grin.

"what?" you asked.

"come one, your dad's decided that me and you are going first," he told you.

"on what?" you asked. he paused.

"don't know. just, come on," he said, grabbing your hand and dragging you over to where your brothers and dad had made a group.

"what am i doing?" you asked with a laugh as you approached them.

"kneeboarding," josh answered. "easy."

and "easy" is what you told jake when you were in the middle of the lake, life jackets on, with kneeboards in your hands, just finished with giving him instructions.

"yeah," he nodded. "i got this. easy."

"you got this," you agreed with a laugh.

"but, when do i pull up on it?" he asked.

"after the boat starts going but before it gets up to speed. just - i'll tell you when," you told him, earning a nod in return.

the look on jake's face as you yelled "ready!" to logan was priceless. he was focused - so focused. maybe even more focused than you'd seen him in a jet. and as logan began moving, his face only hardened that much more.

"okay, pull yourself up!" you yelled, sliding your knees onto the back of the board and shimmying your way all the way up. you strapped the velcro strap over your thighs, settling in as the boat pulled you along before looking over at jake.

his entire board was shaking as he tried to move his knees up, his hands clutching the side desperately. eventually, he managed to get up, leaning back with a sigh and finagling with the strap.

"got it?" you called.

"yeah!" he called back as he secured it. you leaned forward, hands gripping the wide handle. before you pulled it off its knob that kept you attached to the boat, you looked at jake for affirmation. he nodded, grabbing his own and watching you as you pulled yours off, leaving just your hands on the rope keeping you to the boat.

"lean back! relax!" you said over the sound of the water, laughing as he leaned back, causing his board to twist a little and his eyes to widen as he regained balance. "good!"

he looked at you with a grin, holding his hand up in the 'hell yeah' sign, or really just 'aloha' surfer sign. you laughed and did it back. you leaned to the side, skidding up next to him.

"wanna try some tricks?" you asked.

"yeah, you go first," he said, nodding at you. you grinned.

"alright, first we'll get you to go out of the wake," you told him. "you just gotta get some momentum and lean hard. don't twist your board, just lean. watch, and if i wipe out just let go, k?"

you leaned back to your side, your board catching speed and exiting the wake. you did his little hand signal back to him with a laugh, hanging out of the wake for a while. the waves were a bit choppy that day, but you decided to still attempt what you've been wanting to since you knew you were going kneeboarding.

"watch!" you yelled, but jake's eyes had been on you the whole time anyways. you moved one hand to the side of the handle before quickly leaning, flipping around and reaching around the back to grab the handle again.

your brothers whooped in the boat as you grinned, leaning back in to enter the wake.

"pretty cool, huh?" you asked.

"i bet i could do that," he said with a shrug. "easy."

"alright then, go for it," you said teasingly. you were sure he wasn't gonna get it.

but, as he leaned out and successfully got out of the wake, which was a struggle for first-timers normally, your confidence faltered. he slid his hands to the side like you did and turned sharply, then again, and suddenly he had accomplished the goal it took you three summers as a kid to achieve.

"screw you," you laughed as he came back in next to you.

"got anything else?" he asked with a smirk.

"jump the wake," you said, nodding to the side. "get some height, seresin."

"do it at the same time," he replied.

you agreed and you both broke for opposite directions. you tried to get as much speed as you could, but just as you reached the break of the wake, your board caught and you were down.

you found the surface with a cough, glaring at the boat as it turned around to come get you. a little ways away jake was holding his board, a cocky grin on his lips as he waved at you. you rolled your eyes, grabbing your board and trying to not let him see your smile as it formed.

"what was that y/n?" josh laughed as they pulled up next to you, grabbing your board.

"i'm out of practice, okay?" you answered, pulling yourself up onto the surf deck on the back. gideon grabbed jake's board as he swam over to you.

"yeah, well he's had no practice and he still got it," your brother laughed as he set the board next to yours. jake pulled himself up next to you, grinning at you.

"you okay, sweetheart?" he asked.

"you got it?" you asked with raised brows.

"i thought you said it was hard?" he asked. your eyes widened and you searched for words, causing the man next to you to bust up laughing, as well as gideon.

"who's next?" your dad asked.

"me!" darren cheered as he jumped into the water. josh laughed and followed him in. you laughed at the boys before standing, pulling off your lifejacket and hanging the dripping wet thing off the side of the boat, gesturing for jake to give you his own. when you had buckled them to the side, you offered jake a hand which he took, letting you drag him up and to the bow of the boat. you sat back on the front, facing jake as he took the seat opposite to where brynlee was laying out with full intention of tanning. you tucked your legs by his to keep out of her way, but the man didn't look bothered.

you grabbed a towel from the compartment behind you, wiping your arms and hair before tossing it to jake. he dried his chest before balling it up and leaning on it like a pillow, laying out like brynlee.

you sat there for a few moments before standing and approaching the glove box, grabbing yours and jake's hats and glasses. you walked back up, dropping his glasses in his lap and pulling his hat down backwards on his head.

he grinned at you as you sat back down, tucking your legs to the side of him again. you pulled your hat on backwards too with a teasing grin his way.

"twins, right?" you asked. he laughed as you leaned back, settling your glasses on the bridge of your nose.

afterwards, you stared at him, eyebrows furrowing after several moments. he quirked a brow at you, finally asking, "what?"

"your glasses are cooler than mine are," you told him, jokingly pouting like finn whenever you didn't give him his goldfish crackers. you both had basic black glasses on, but his were cool, classy aviators that he definitely spent more that $15 on as opposed to your walmart ones.

this caused him to smile and he leaned forward. "here, sweetheart."

he pulled your glasses off your nose as he pulled his own off, dropping yours in his lap for a moment so he could situate his 'cool' sunglasses on your face. he pulled yours on and leaned back again, patting your leg. "better?"

"much," you laughed. out of the corner of your eye, brynlee was smirking at you both, turning back to grin at her husband when neither of you would look at her.

she pulled her phone from the cupholder next to her, flipping to the camera. she waved her hand at you guys. "scoot in, i wanna get the glasses."

you rolled your eyes with a smile, scooting from your position at the front to be perpendicular to where jake was laying, the man moving to the side to let you in before leaning towards you, an arm wrapping around your torso so as to give you more room. you looked at him briefly, his wide grin with your slightly girly glasses on his face making you laugh, your smile more legitimate than it had been before as you looked at brynlee. he rested his cheek on your head after a moment, your smile unintentionally widening again.

when she lowered her phone, you leaned over to see the picture - and it actually was really cute. the only pictures you had with jake were in your flight suits or decently drunk at a pool table, so you were kinda glad to have one normal, decently cute one now. even though you were just friends, of course.

"send that to me," you told her with a smile. you slid back to your original place, pushing jake's legs out of the way to give yourself space. he rolled his eyes at you, scoffing, but you knew he was just teasing.

you pretended not to notice how jake's hand fell back onto your leg, instead just letting the wind blow your hair around with a smile as you watched your brothers get on the kneeboards. you also pretended not to notice how the entire time they did so, jake's eyes never once travelled back to them, instead resting on you.

this was gonna be one fun trip.

#top gun maverick #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin #top gun imagine #top gun maverick one shot #top gun fanfic #glen powell #glen powell x reader #glen powell x y/n

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the-one-who-lambs · 6 months ago

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hi hey holy fuck i'm done with this. I tried to render for the first time following a "15 minute" tutorial and my noob ass turned it into a 3 hour learning experience. But now I have Narinder's reference for The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God! Rambles under readmore

SO I BARELY DRAW because I started learning how to draw like... May of last year, and then went bonkers over the summer making lots of progress and once the school year started in august I dropped it to focus on writing... and have drawn basically 1 thing in between then and now. Anyway. Last week I remembered, oh yeah, I used to draw sometimes. And suddenly had an all consuming urge to practice again.

And you know what? I forgot how fucking FUN drawing is. I take it much less seriously than I do my writing so my technique for now is pretty much "go ham and try a bunch of shit because you're getting practice and having fun with it anyway". and it IS fun until I try to do a specific thing and can't figure out how so thanks to those who tuned in to my stream tonight to see me push through the frustrating part of finishing this LMAO. uh according to the krita file this took me 13 and a half hours

If you didn't catch it a while back, the one thing I drew during my kinda-art-hiatus was my Lambert reference! Normal outfit, casual outfit (that they sometimes wear while off-duty, usually when visiting Ratau or just hanging out alone), and wedding outfit ^^

...Which means now that I have my narilamb references I can commission my friends. i have a few people who i already plan to open my wallet for.

"Ive already drawn you fanart for ur fic and now the outfits are very slightly wrong :<" ITS FINE I AM CHERISHING IT FOREVER PLS DONT CHANGE IT ITS PERFECT

"is it okay if i draw your designs" Why do yall think i would be mad about this i will eat that shit UP i would fucking LOVE that and I'm already foaming at the mouth because i'd been asked that a couple times while i was drawing narinder's reference lol

I'm still a beginner and constructive criticism is welcome! Will probably make less intensive references for the OCs in Risen/Fallen or at least draw them, Thenana and Juno for sure

#hannah's rambles #cult of the lamb #narilamb #narinder #cotl #Hannah draws #digital art #idk how else to tag this

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jolalibrary · 1 year ago

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stockings and stars

javier peña x f!reader

summary: Still need the star putting on the top of the tree. ive got other plans for you Because I’m the star? yeah you're my star and youre not going anywhere but on your back

from the late night texts world - but can still be enjoyed on its own. chapter warnings: allusion to/mentions of smut. no actual smut. javi undresses you, though. flirting. fluff. reader wears red lingerie and a dressing gown. javi flirting. sexy talk, romcom vibes ofc ✨ wordcount: 3k

an: to @goodwithcheese merry christmas from me, to you. thank you for everything, for the tuesday fun we have - i wanted nothing more than to have this out sooner, but life, you know? but, i adore you. and I'm so glad we found one another. ahuge thanks to @thetriumphantpanda who cheerleaded for me throughout.

text key: bold is you/reader | italics is javi

Will I be seeing Santa Javi today? I want to decorate my tree.

one time I come to yours in a red shirt

You also had the tree under your arm and a bag of baubles, I’d class those as gifts.

keep talking baby and you can decorate your tree alone

Think I’m gonna wear that shirt you left here while I do it. Make sure I have to get up on my tip toes. Hope it doesn't rise up...

you don’t play fair

I think I’ll be in stockings too…

youre killing me

Maybe they’re white and red, and…

baby if i wasn’t putting this thing up for Pop, i’d be driving over right now

Hope you hurry up, I need someone tall to put the star on top of the tree.

how am I gonna eat you out when youre perched on the tree baby

The last thing on his to-do list from his Pop is to hang the front porch garland.

He had learnt there had been a huge difference in the front and the back porch garlands. A fifteen-minute-long difference when he'd timed the response given to his sarcastic answer.

Javi learnt there was not only one for the back porch and the front, but one which sat across the fireplace and one on the staircase.

He learnt that after he'd made a joke about mixing them up—earning himself a very pointed glare, and the task of the front porch.

Now, it’s a battle he’s losing.

Tremendously so.

While he’d never want his Pop to do the more challenging tasks, he did rather hate he hadn’t thought to trade this one in for the back porch at the very least—because that had looked fucking easy.

Holding the garland in hand, he’s suddenly hit with a second wave of nostalgia, the first having arrived when he'd pulled down the box and peered into it.

It did the same thing as it had done then, all but rushed over him, layering itself on his shoulders, sitting, nothing short of a comfortable weight on him. Letting his gaze fall out over it, he smiles at the tuffs of fabric, all the bows tied by hand, all in an array of sizes and shades.

Over time, he can see how they've become sun-dyed, remembering the first year they'd been sewn into the faux greenery by his mamá, memories of her all hunched over, humming carols.

Smiling, he rolls his lips, letting out a heavier sigh than he intended as he drags it to the post he’d begin at.

But, all he wonders is whether in the years he wasn’t here, whether it was occasionally hung—or if this year is just that special.

The mere hint that he was going to ask if you wished to spend Christmas at the ranch had sent his Pop into overdrive. Practically yanked him out of his chair like he’d been electrified, a bunch of orders being flung from under his white, wiry moustache that they needed to get ready.

He wasn't sure he'd get the image of his Pop suddenly scrambling around like a man half his age, to drag the decorations out from the cupboard, would ever be erased from his mind. Least of all the sound you'd made aww'ing down the phone when he'd given you a condensed version of the story.

Because he hasn't asked you yet, not properly.

Even though he's spent the last two days at the back of barns and spending a ridiculous amount of time at the hardware store—because we need to make sure the lights stay up, Jav.

He just hasn't found the right time to ask you. A promise each time he goes to see you left in the air. Not that his Pop remembers that, instead he's just busy thinking up ways to make it special: one of which includes decorating the trees at the entrance to the ranch.

An idea having sprouted with the newest ranch hand—one which, if Javi overheard correctly, involves rope acting like tinsel and a cowboy hat being the star on the top of the trees.

Feeling his phone vibrate, he temporarily ignores it as he begins to weave the beginning of the garland around the wood—already knowing, before he tries to move it around the spindles, that it isn’t going to be easy.

Because nothing ever fucking is.

Least of all when you’re waiting for him.

His mind begins to concoct images of you in bows and sheer material, lips painted, sat waiting, smelling nothing short of heavenly as you call out for—

“Fuck,” he shouts, dropping the garland to the ground.

It had pricked him, stabbed him right in the skin—hand shaking the pain out, face likely all scrunched. And, if it didn't have sentimental value, he's sure he'd have kicked its protesting ass with everything he had. Instead, he just narrows his eyes more than he had done moments ago as he begins again.

He feels his nostrils flare when it begins to undo itself. The sound of faux bristles on wood grates him before it will even attempt to do what he needs it to.

And it makes him want to quit, to throw it back into the box and tell his Pop it isn’t worth it. But he knows it is. Knows that his mama didn’t spend hours bent over under flickering light for it not to be seen.

Javi also strongly suspects you’d love it. Likely run your fingers over several bows asking who made it. He can even imagine the look of joy on your face when he tells you.

It’s why, if he didn’t already suspect it anyway, he’s pretty sure his Pop loves you more than him. Because even the first Christmas he was back, there weren’t this many decorations; not nearly as much need to have them all out, either.

Not that Javi really minds—or blames him.

There’s a notable shift in energy when you stay over. Even more so in him. He can see there’s a cheer and a glow to the place—one Javi hates watching vanish when he takes you back to your place.

It's why, when—and where—he can, he fights for you to be here. Practically finds convincing ways to do so, including, crossword puzzles, dinner, and two-person showers. But, at some stage, your clothing dwindles, underwear runs low, and he has to make the painful drive into town to return you to your place.

Your fingers in his hair, practically clambered into his lap as you whisper that you’ll be back before he knows it. His fingers on your chin, thumb stroking out the words he says right back—that he’ll miss you all the same.

Javier Peña. Texan softie—what will the world think?

He only thinks one thing when he drives back—a response which had been there on his lips. Guess they’ll see just how much I love you. A thing you know, comment on, say back to him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. An array of promises there, sometimes spoken at a normal level and sometimes whispered.

You always keep them, just like the one that you are always back before he knows it.

He likes it when you are. Enjoys it when you’re nestled beside him, arm across his chest, hand close to his ribs—strumming them, tracing lines and words he tries to understand before sleep takes him.

He still always sleeps better when you’re beside him. When his breathing can mirror yours, when he can feel for you in the night when he’s awoken with nightmares and things he knows won’t ever come true.

Now, he’s fighting a different battle. One to get to you.

Halted in his path to freedom by the garland which refused to be hung, and could be labelled as giving him more grief than the horses which had banded together. A phrase he never thought he’d admit out loud, never mind think.

You still fighting with the garland?

baby its torturing me on purpose

Do you want me to come and help?

will you come in the stockings

No!! Your dad is there.

then stay there actually lie down, but do not begin without me

Still need the star putting on the top of the tree.

ive got other plans for you

Because I’m the star?

yeah you're my star and youre not going anywhere but on your back

Hurry then.

i’m hurrying

He does hurry—practically scratched up by the time he’s parking his truck outside your place.

As he takes the step up to your door, Javi realises how much he misses it here when he doesn’t visit. A place less frequent and often spent time in, even under your insistence of renting it.

It is always usually a stopping point, him parking up, letting you go in and grab what you need before you're back in his truck, heading back to his.

He does like your place though, likes how small it is, how cosy. Plus, it has all the things which make you, you. A thing his place is currently missing.

Although, as he steps through the door, and calls your name, he does have to admit it currently looks fucking ridiculous.

On a good day, he’d describe your place as crowded, but right now, it’s claustrophobic.

The tree you’d forced him to get is shoved into a corner, branches fluffed out, surrounded by the piles of unpacked boxes you’ve tried to discreetly hide. Your remaining floorspace is overtaken by a bit of rug, several piles of books (you have no room for, but continue to buy) and odd bits of furniture you find and attempt to restore.

For the most part, you’ve decorated. A thing you did inform him of.

You’ll be pleased to know when you get here your only job is the star. managed it all yourself, did you I’m a very competent woman, Javi. oh i know baby ive seen you with a crossword Does that do it for you? Me finishing a crossword. does something to me Get over here. im leaving now

There’s a warm, comforting glow spread out across the place from the fairy lights you’ve hung and the array of mismatched decorations—both bought and handmade—hanging from branches.

He breathes in the scent of orange which hangs in the air, his eyes finding the culprit on your fireplace, a garland—one not dissimilar to the one he’d been battled with—places there, mocking him due to the ease of which had been laid, with oranges and little beads all entwined within it.

Snorting, he glances back at your tree, spotting the things he's been with you when you've bought. And, as promised—and informed him through text—there’s nothing at the top of your tree.

“You finally made it!”

Spinning on his heel, he comes face to face with you, and fuck if the sight of you doesn’t make it all worth it.

Dressed in a red, silky dressing gown, all tied in the middle, you're a vision. Then, there's the fact your lips are painted a shade he’d now famously dub Christmas red, a colour he wants nothing more than to be stained with. A path of it from his mouth down to the space where his jeans meet his hips. A thought which seems to only make how tight his jeans are even more uncomfortable.

“Cariño, you’re…”

You sway a little, letting the fabric move—allowing his gaze to land on the stockings. The ones he’s been thinking about all afternoon. The ones he can’t wait to feel under his palm and know whether they’ll create friction when wrapped around his waist.

“Fuck me.”

“I’m kinda banking on it,” you say, biting your red-painted lip. “But first…”

His hand crawls around your waist, feeling the smooth, soft texture under his hand—swallowing, dragging his eyes up and down you, unsure how he could ever be so lucky—how something so good could ever be here for him to unwrap.

“I need you to hang the star,” you continue.

“Right now?”

Nodding, you ghost your lips over his. “I’ve been so good waiting for you.”

“You're never good. You, baby, are a menace.”

“I’m your menace.”

Snorting, he presses a kiss to your lips. “Damn right, you are.”

Moving from you, reluctantly, only to pick up the gold star he assumes you want to hang, getting a nod from you that he’s right.

“Need to ask you something too.”

And even though he’s only taken a mere short step from you, he’s floored all over again about what a picture you look like when he glances back. That you’re standing all for him, dressed in nothing but cheer and ribbons all for him.

“Go on.”

Turning to your tree, he flattens his hand to the wall for stability. “I wanted…”

His concentration slides in—suddenly aware he doesn’t want to knock anything from the branches. Doesn’t want to force things to be misplaced from where they were expertly hung.

He’s also sure he’s wanting to swallow the question. A part of him, all the way deep inside of him, having been bracing—and waiting—to hear you’d be apart for the holidays. A thing the two of you have rarely been since you moved here, not a day going by he hasn’t seen you for at least an hour.

“Wanted to know if you—shit—” the star almost sitting atop, before at the last minute protesting. “I wanted to know if you wanted to spend Christmas with me—with us, me and Pop. At the ranch.”

The star slides into place, sitting more comfortably with another shove, more branch supporting it.

But he doesn’t turn, not immediately. Not as the question hums around him, swirls in the silence of you not immediately saying yes. So much so, that it takes him a second to move on his heels, to face you—to read the answer before it’s delivered.

What he sees is something his heart couldn’t have ever prepared for.

You, grinning—a silly, almost goofy, smile spreading out as you bite down on your lip, forehead slightly crinkled.

“You… you want me to spend the holidays with you?”

“Of course—cariño, I want nothing more than for you to be with me.”

It all quick to leave his mouth, mirroring the movement to be back in front of you, fingers under your chin, lifting your eyes—those beautiful, fucking eyes—to his.

“Do… do you—wanna spend it with me?”

You pull a different face before you’re nodding. One more excited, one which begins to expel out over a smile and a bunch of escaping phrases such as I can’t believe you want me with you and of course.

“Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”

Shrugging, you scrunch your nose—an act he finds just as cute as the first time he saw it. “Guess it’s a big deal. It’s… a thing people do with families.”

Pulling you close by your hips, your hand lands flat on his chest. “You are my family.”

“Javi,” you whisper, making each letter feel so individual the way you say it, that it makes his heart double.

“It’s true. You’re it for me, cariño. All I’ve wished for.”

Eyes widening, your eyes shimmer under the lights—more so than normal. Taking a deep breath, you lift your chin before pressing a kiss to his mouth. One which turns hungry, desperate—your mouth searing, a thing he’s craved since he woke up before the sun even rose.

“Baby,” you whisper.

And he hums.

It vibrates out, able to feel it from the way his fingers cup your cheek.

“Undo me.”

Releasing your lips with a pop, he opens his eyes, studying your eyes, moving from one to the other.

“Go on,” you urge in a whisper, more breathless, more tinged with something that makes his skin hot.

Sliding his fingers over the knot, he barely has to tug before it comes undone—unveiling you, like a curtain which wishes to part. If he’d thought you’d looked good before, he’s sure every bit of you is a sin now—a Christmas sin.

Red and lace. It’s all he sees. It sitting there, against you, hugging your breasts—sitting on your hips. His mouth is suddenly dry at the thought of running his tongue over the place it meets your skin before pulling it down.

Your fingers follow his eyes, sliding between the valley to land on the bow in the centre, twisting the edge of the tie around your index finger—palm skating over your stomach, allowing him more chance to take in how you’re stood before him in see-through fabric and promises.

“How’d I get so lucky?” he asks, more to no one, than to you.

His fingers teasing the fabric sat on your hip—marvelling, unsure how to think straight until you clear your throat, forcing his eyes to meet yours.

“Hey,” you whisper, tightening your hold on his hands, bringing his arms more around your waist, pressing your front to him, feeling the heat from your skin through your clothes. “You’re all I wished for too.”

Smiling, he looks at your tree, before landing back on you. “You look so good.”

“I know. Could look better though?” His brow arches as you slowly begin to smile, the tip of your tongue sliding over your upper lip. “Everything is held in place by bows.”

Groaning, he closes his eyes, letting his hand slide down your lower back, over sheer material before his fingers find the ribbon on your hip.

“All for you.”

“Mine,” he answers, slotting his mouth over yours—staining the four letters to your lips.

His fingers slide around, brushing over soft skin, until he finds the first bow. Undoing it with ease, licking into your mouth, only to grunt against you when you whimper as the fabric falls to your feet.

“Yours,” you say back, your own hands beginning to undo him.

an: merry christmas, love you

#javier peña x f!reader #javier peña x reader #javier peña #javier peña narcos #javi peña x reader #javi peña x you #javi pena #javier peña x you #narcos x reader #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javi pena x reader #narcos javier x reader #narcos javier #pedro pascal x reader #narcos fanfiction

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christinesficrecs · 1 year ago

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Author Spotlight is a Saturday thing now **checks to make sure it really is Saturday** 😋 Enjoy these gems. They are all amazing!!

pretty in tents by kellifer_fic | 7.6K

Even though he’s making fun of it, Stiles thinks the whole thing sounds awesome and, like most stuff these days, the experience is going to be totally wasted on Scott.

By Moon And Stars by kellifer_fic | 15.9K | Mature

“Have you heard of this Alpha?” Stiles asks, shuffling up his pallet so Scott has room to sit. Scott does with a grateful little twist of his mouth. Stefan forces him into the Stilinski ceremonial armor when they travel and Stiles can see that it’s heavy and doesn’t sit well on Scott. He can’t shift encased in metal and Stefan knows it.

“I know of him, mostly stories that seem a little fantastical. Shifters exaggerate just like common people. They like their war stories.”

“Tell me of him. Tell me a war story.”

Relationship Status: It’s complicated by kellifer_fic | 4K | Mature

Okay, I know this is a huge stretch for you, but can you please pretend you’re like, into me?

the ring of the ancestors is not a euphemism by kellifer_fic | 10.6K

Stiles hadn’t noticed the way the entire commissary had gone silent when the guy had approached his table, or the two military escorts that had been flanking him, looking at each other like maybe they should be intervening but weren’t sure how. All he saw was someone stealing the last dessert from him and Stiles didn’t think about it, he just reached across the table and snatched it back with a, “What the hell, dude?”

tumescent by kellifer_fic (9k)

“I would have to want to date Derek for your plan to work,” Stiles points out, secure in the knowledge that his logic is infallible and yes, he’s had a pointless and soul-destroying crush on Derek for as long as he can remember but nobody knows that.

powerful in-scent-ive by kellifer_fic | 14.5K

Stiles holds up a hand, because he really can’t listen to the bites-are-all-right speech that Derek has given Scott dozens of times. “Dude, don’t.”

insert camping pun here by kellifer_fic | 12.5K

“I’m going to be different,” Stiles clarified. “I’m going to go to parties and make friends and,” Stiles leaned closer into the computer and whispered conspiratorially, “Get laid.”

Dude, what’s a bulwark? by kellifer_fic | 12.1K

Beacon Hills is the kind of small town where everybody knows everybody, and what everybody knows is that surly diner owner Derek Hale and free spirited single dad Stiles Stilinski have been in love with each other for years. If only they knew it too.

has time re-written every line by kellifer_fic | 14.6K

No, dad. Listen to what I'm saying. Yesterday, I was eighteen. I'm not speaking metaphorically, or about the way I feel or whatever. I was eighteen, we lived in the house on Maple, the last conversation we had was about how fries didn't count as a vegetable and I, uh, wasn't married.

Vampires, man. Not to be trusted by kellifer_fic | 9.6K

Stiles appreciates Derek worrying about him being overwhelmed but he really could have used a few overenthusiastic werewolves and impatient humans for his homecoming. He’s felt disconnected because of his forced isolation and would have at least liked to have had Scott on his doorstep when he got there.

monster at the end of the book by kellifer_fic, maichan808 (maichan) | 16.7K

It's not like he forgets about the scar. Just, sometimes it takes him off guard when he's half asleep or run down. It's there, a new companion that reminds him of the world he now lives in, how it's changed and what it's cost. Still, sometimes he'll blink at it owlishly in the mirror like he's doing now, at the way it runs alongside his collar bone and down. It even separates a mole into two neat halves.

i love you a latte [Fic & Podfic] by kellifer_fic, RsCreighton | 6.6K

"You... want me to come to your family reunion?"

"Yes."

"And you'll come to my best friend's wedding as...my... date?" Stiles thinks the whole proposition bears repeating.

"Yes," Derek says again, brows furrowing like he's starting to regret asking.

it's free (and always will be) by kellifer_fic, maichan808 (maichan) | 31.6K | Explicit

Stiles starts looking around, like there's someone who'll rescue him from this painfully awkward situation and Derek can't blame him. All he can think is this is some kind of elaborate prank Laura is playing on him after she'd found his pile of Fangboy back copies last month.

Or, the one where Derek has to marry a human to save Clawbook and it turns out to be Stiles. He's completely doomed.

#sterek #sterek fics #ficrecs #author spotlight #writer appreciation #sterek fandom #kellifer_fic #fanfic writers

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sanjisleggy · 11 days ago

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no more hiding (smoker x reader)

req: Hi!!! Could you maybe do a Smoker x pirate reader. Like trying to hide the relationship and stuff from the other Marines and her pirate crew. (Whichever crew you want) idk I just want cute pirate x Marine stuff maybe little angsty if you want but need cute things

a/n: omg i’ve been thinking about this request for the past three (3) days and i might have gotten very carried away with the angst at the start, istg i couldn’t help myself ajskdhjakshja i hope the subsequent fluff in the flashbacks and ending was enough to make up for it!! ;;0;; i legit had a lot more angst planned but i cut it out bc the request asked for more fluffy stuff :’D

contents: suggestive themes (nothing explicit though, idk why i wrote Smoker and reader so h0rny for each other but alas it is what is), angst to fluff, mentions of wounds and stitching of said wounds

wc. 2.3k

Smoker can’t help the tinge of bitterness that gathers at the back of his throat, the taste so strong that not even his usual nightly cigars can chase away the smell. it’s a rather rare occurrence, only really happening when he gets anxious and it’s been a long time since anxiety overrode every other emotion in his body in such a way.

though the experience is slightly uncomfortable, he supposes it can’t really be helped since it involves you; his childhood friend (the only one, in fact), his closest companion and the love of his life.

the Vice Admiral wonders what’s taking you so long. you always show up at his doorstep roughly half an hour after he’s sent out a trail of smoke to go look for you—the signal you’ve used since you were kids. back then it was for innocent hangouts beyond curfew and now it’s for late night meetings that often end with either one of you on top of the other, tangled in his bedsheets.

as much as Smoker would like to think about your latest escapade, his nerves are starting to get the better of him and his mind begins to race.

ii.

“you joined Tomohana’s crew?! what’s the matter with you?” his voice cracked slightly near the end of his sentence. you normally would’ve made fun of him for it but the air between him and you was a bit too tense for jokes like that.

“ i know you know they’re not like normal pirates,” you replied as calmly as you could considering your best friend was yelling at you. “everyone in Loguetown loves him and his crew, they’re always fighting off rowdy pirates to protect the neighbouring islands.”

”that should be the Marines’ job.”

”exactly! but they don’t really do that a lot, do they?” you could tell you’d made a point so good even Smoker couldn’t rebut. “with Vice Admiral Gokiburi around, all they do is make our lives miserable.”

”it won’t be that way for long and you know that.”

“oh please, you just got promoted a month ago and you’ve been with the Marines for how many years now?” he glared down at you but even his deep scowl wasn’t enough to hide the redness in his cheeks. “we’ll be in our mid-thirties before you take his place.”

”so?” Smoker snapped, fists clenched at his sides as hints of white smoke trailed out of the corners of his mouth. “at least i’ll be makin’ an actual difference! unlike you.” the tone of his voice dropped to an eerily calm albeit deep one.

“what about me?” you challenged before you could help it. you knew from experience that adding fuel to the fire was not gonna end pretty but in that moment, you needed to know what he meant.

iii.

why now? why am i remembering this now?

Smoker finds himself outside your door at midnight. the radio silence from you had been too much to bear and he just needs to know if you’re okay; and yet there he stands, fist halfway to making contact with your door when the bitter memory of your most painful fight decides it’s time to claw its way into the forefront of his mind.

after that incident,

after i called you all those awful things

you stopped talking to him for five years.

iv.

it had been Tomohana of all people who’d told you about Smoker that day. he didn’t provide many details but it was enough for you to show up at his front door after years of no contact. after knocking, you could hear the sound of furniture being toppled over and heavy, unstable footsteps before the door swung open.

Smoker’s eyes widened upon seeing your face and he became so still that one of his cigars slipped out from between his teeth, hitting the ground unceremoniously between your feet and his. without saying a word, he stepped aside to let you in.

amidst the countless empty bottles of varying types of alcohol and a handful of presents you presumed were from his subordinates, the two of you sat in silence.

“i heard you got promoted,” you said suddenly, after almost ten minutes of nothing. “congrats.” as though surprised at hearing your voice, Smoker cleared his throat before responding.

”thanks.” he paused for a few seconds. “i’m Vice Admiral now.”

”i know.” you offered him a small smile. “you don’t seem very happy about achieving your childhood dream though.”

”i…” he clenched his teeth, his already flushed face turning even redder from something other than alcohol. “i wish i could’ve celebrated with you, is all.” his eyes turned down to stare at his feet. for a man so huge, he looked awfully small. “i miss you. i’m sorry i said those things all those years ago. i didn’t mean any of it.”

hot tears began to stream down your face before you could even fully process what he was saying.

“why’d it take you so long then?” you replied with a sniffle—the sound seemingly triggering something in the man as his head snapped back up to look at you. “all this time—” you had to pause to take in a deep, shaky breath “—i thought you hated me.”

upon your admission, the one and only Smoker, a Vice Admiral of the mighty Marines, slid off his seat to kneel before you. although he was drunk, at that moment he was the most sober he’d ever been in his life.

”i could never hate you, doll.” he grabbed your hands in an uncharacteristically soft manner before bringing them up to his lips. your heart pounded so violently within the confines of your chest, you wondered if he could hear it. “i’ve loved you ever since we were kids.”

speechless, all you could really do was stare at him with your mouth parted.

”please let me make it up to you, (Y/N),” Smoker pleaded with a pitiful look in his usually hardened eyes. you briefly wondered what his subordinates would think if they saw him like that, especially the girl with the spectacles who seemed to admire him so much. he looked so little like the aggressive, no-nonsense Marine the locals now knew him as and so much like the Smoker from when you were just children.

you realised, in that moment, how much you’d missed him, too.

it’s taking all he’s got not to show his anger and fear as the Vice Admiral watches you stitch yourself back together in quite the literal sense. he’s clenching his fists so hard he can feel his nails dig into the meat of his palms, he won’t be surprised if he draws blood.

the white-haired man isn’t quite sure what exactly he’s angry at: you? your crew and Tomohana for letting you go home wounded to patch yourself up? even maybe himself?

before Smoker can make his decision, he’s torn away from his own thoughts by the sound of a pained whine being forced through your gritted teeth. wordlessly, he closes the gap between him and you and kneels by your feet. carefully, he finishes up the final stitches as your hand grips his shoulder tightly to cope with the pain.

unknowingly, his Devil Fruit power kicks in, causing a whisp of white smoke to curl itself around your face and body. the familiar cooling sensation of his smoke caressing your skin soothes the stinging pain of your open wounds and the aches in your tired joints.

you already know he’s mad, not just at you for getting hurt once again but at everything else, as well. it’s just the kind of guy Smoker is: always angry or uptight over something. and yet, he ties off the final stitch so carefully and when he’s done, he simply sighs before resting his cheek atop your thigh as he tenderly runs his palm up and down your bare leg, as if trying to remind himself that you’re still there.

from the way he exhales his following breath, you can tell he wants to say something.

vi.

“leave the crew,” he said suddenly, breaking through the comfortable silence that had befallen the two of you after an evening of post-dinner cuddling. his hand reaching up to rub the back of your neck as you rested your head on his bare chest. the night was hot and humid but neither of you cared how sticky your skin felt pressed against his, you’d both grown up in this weather after all. “i make more than enough berry for us to live comfortably.”

”you know that’s not what i’m worried about, love,” you replied with a chuckle as you adjusted your position by Smoker’s side to bury your face into the crook of his neck. the Vice Admiral’s chest rumbled in a way not unlike a cat’s purring as he pulled you closer, pressing his lips to the crown of your head. “the crew helps to protect a lot of the locals from the neighbouring islands and i wanna make sure there’s enough manpower before i consider quitting.”

“can’t believe i’m sayin’ this but i hope a hundred of new recruits show up at that bastard Tomohana’s doorstop first thing tomorrow,” the man beside you sighed, only half-joking, before he rolled his body over yours without warning.

”hey!” you protested, wiggling under his weight. he chuckled as he trapped you beneath him, pressing kisses all over your face.

”tell him to hurry up and gather more crewmates already, doll,” Smoker murmured against your skin, “it’s not like they’re doin’ anything illegal anyway so why the secrecy, hmm? tryin’ to keep my girl away from me?”

”it’s not like that and you know it.” you hugged his head to your chest with both arms, smile growing even wider when you felt his muscles relax from your touch. “besides, they’d have to know about us to begin with.”

“i’m tired of sneakin’ around,” he mumbled into your chest, muffling his words ever so slightly. “the cadets can get so nosy sometimes, it pisses me off.” Smoker admitted whilst rubbing your sides tenderly. “‘sides, all this hiding makes it feel like you’re some dirty secret.”

vii.

before he can say anything, you speak your mind first.

”i’m done hiding. i quit the crew earlier today.” Smoker’s head snaps up from your lap for his widened eyes to meet yours. staring back down at him with a small smile on your face, you cup his face with your right hand, feeling the stubble on his skin when he nuzzles into your touch. “some cocky new recruit challenged me for my position afterward. he was a pretty good fighter but i beat the shit out of him.”

”that’s my girl.” Smoker says with a chuckle, his hand giving your calf a light squeeze as he stares at you for a good few seconds. “so you’re finally free?” he asks with a glimmer in his eye.

”you say that as if i was held hostage or something.”

”can’t help it, doll. that’s pretty much what it felt like for the past three years.” he presses yet another kiss to your bare thigh. “so… move in with me?”

”tomorrow,” you reply simply but definitively, much to his pleasure. “but first,” you gesture for him to stand up before holding out your arms in his direction, “carry me to bed.”

Smoker raises an eyebrow at your request though he can’t help the smile on his face. he wonders how ridiculous he must look, like some lovesick fool.

”please?” you pout and within seconds, you’re swept into his arms bridal style. you let out a soft yelp of surprise despite how carefully he’d picked you up. “i’m okay, you didn’t hurt me.” you’re quick to reassure him when a look of worry washed over his face from the sound you just made. you can feel his shoulders relax in response.

“bath first, then bed.” he states simply, already walking towards your bathroom.

”together?” you grin up at him, tracing a finger down his chest. a redness blooms across Smoker’s rugged face as he shoots you a frown that looks more silly than intimidating. he doesn’t even grace you with a verbal answer, deeming it too ridiculous to even acknowledge fully.

of course he’s going to join you. the day he says no to such a request is the day hell freezes over.

viii.

the night air feels more cooling than usual, you realise as you snuggle closer to your beloved, trying to steal as much of his body heat as you possibly can. using his bicep as a pillow with your head nuzzled into the crook of his neck, you hug him like a koala to a tree: your arms around his middle and your legs locked around his right thigh. admittedly it’s not the most comfortable position for Smoker but he’ll die before he complains about it.

for the first time he’ll be able to sleep the night at your place and wake up by your side under the morning sun. no longer will either of you have to rise before dawn breaks to sneak back home, pretend the other has nothing to do with you until the moon takes the sun’s place and his smoke trail guides you back to him.

Smoker is careful not to touch your stitches as he turns towards you slightly to pull you closer. he runs his hands over all the bare skin of yours he can reach, leaving goose bumps in his fingers’ wake, his heart fluttering when you giggle and wriggle your body in response.

i can’t wait to come home to you every night and see you every morning.

although it’s been a long day, neither of you get much sleep that night.

#one piece x reader #one piece #one piece x yn #one piece x you #smoker x reader #smoker #angst #fluff #imagine #fanfic

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wooziorgans · 1 month ago

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mental health talk warning

um. hi again. ive been gone for the better part of nearly two months. at least I haven’t posted a fic since the beginning of October.

I wanted to give a little update on how im doing. and when I’ll be back (roughly) for good? maybe?

im definitely a lot more stable now. uh. it’s been an interesting few weeks. I think i was super deep in burn out n it made it a lot harder to focus on writing when i was almost forcing myself to post or be active. while id rather keep the details of how im doing or what was going on im definitely feeling more stable.

ive been spending a lot more time w friends and ive just been taking some time to do nothing outside of work so its been nice. laundry has been piling up tho so ill have to get to that soon lol.

as for my unofficial official return. soon. hopefully. i need to crack out smn for uji day n i have a rough plan for that but nothing solid.

ive been writing just to write and i think it’s been soooo good for me. to go back to that instead of having to worry about posting things. ive made such good progress on the band fic. and im thinking about posting the full warnings list (bcs this thing is so fucking long n im not even half way done part one) soon so people know what to expect. im hoping to post that in the new year.

titmh part three has been on the back burner. it’s taking a much more positive turn in the story line, especially readers internal shit is getting figured out. but i had to put it on hold bcs it was, funnily enough, almost too positive for me to write. the band fic has been a good way to vent out things and im very very excited to post it.

anyways. see y’all soon ig :)

#☼wo talks

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sitp-recs · 19 days ago

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Hi! I love kingsman and i saw your kingsman recs and ive read all of the fics you've recommended! I dont know if this is okay, but do you perhaps have more kingsman recs? Its completely okay if you won't/can't give recs. Love your recommendations (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡

Hello friend! I’m so happy you enjoyed that little list. I checked my old bookmarks for additional recs, but please keep in mind that I haven’t read Kingsman in a loooong time so none of these are recent. Hope that’s ok :)

Feel a Little Warmer by blacktofade (E, 3k)

Eggsy has never been much good at coping around Christmas time. Harry helps take his mind off it.

The New Age by DivineProjectZero (T, 3k)

It starts with being cursed. No, scratch that. It starts with a garden and a serpent. And no, it goes a little differently from what you’d think.

Considerably Less Cannibalism by lizard_witch (E, 6k)

It is a real, physical struggle to not stare like a dogger while Harry shrugs off his jacket and undoes his collar, sets his signet ring aside. He has detailed, minutely detailed, fantasies about unbuttoning that fucking collar. At least he’s not wearing the holster right now, or Eggsy’d be sprung already. “It’s time you learned the fine art of the straight razor shave.”

the things we steal (it was only a kiss) by DivineProjectZero (E, 6k)

Eggsy whips around to find Harry Hart standing right behind him, holding a martini glass and just as gorgeous as Eggsy last saw him, three years and two months ago.

into the wails of your windfight by fideliant (E, 8k)

It takes a mission gone wrong for Eggsy to find out that even in real life, the dead don't always stay dead. Sometimes the movies get that part right, it would seem.

Handler by Galahard (E, 12k)

It seemed obvious to Eggsy that he'd be the next Galahad after he successfully offed Valentine. When an agent forces Merlin to stick to the test and refuses to let go of the fact that Eggsy didn't pass, Eggsy finds himself in a different position at Kingsman than he'd originally planned.

A Gentleman's Guide to Popping One's Cherry by callay (E, 12k)

Eggsy squirms under Harry's hands. “Stop being a gentleman and fuck me.” “Eggsy,” says Harry in a low voice. “I’m going to be a gentleman and fuck you.”

our vintage misery by fideliant (E, 23k)

On a difficulty scale of one to saving the world, love shouldn't be this far off the charts.

down dark tides the glory slides by fideliant (E, 24k)

You only ever truly hurt the ones you love.

dig in your fingers by kirkaut (E, 43k)

The lack of a silver suppository has set Eggsy upon a certain path. The way that Eggsy looks, dripping wet and half naked, sets Harry on another.

Patience and Sheer Determination by blacktofade (E, 47k)

Harry goes undercover to infiltrate the circle of a corrupt overlord and is given Eggsy, a young prostitute, as a token of goodwill. Harry has to live with Eggsy and keep him safe, while maintaining his cover.

Legends & Legatees by Fahye (E, 52k)

"You want to make sure I jump when I'm told?" he demands. "It'd better be you doing the telling, Harry."

#asks #anon #kingsman recs #hartwin

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nadianova · 4 months ago

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How much time do you spend planning some of your visual novels? At least going by some of them being jam submissions, it feels like you go from pre-production to a finished build very quickly, and it's amazing how you can manage that while still having an awesome story and so many assets.

Also, what is like, the process of planning a story out for you, if there's any vague or concrete similarities that you've noticed?

i think the important context here is that if i get bored/have nothing to do i jhust immediately get really suicidal its like ridiculous how bad it gets(ITS FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT IT IVE HAD 5 YEARS OF THERAPY). so i hate being bored and want to occupy my time wit something fun whatever that is. if i have a project to focus on but especially if I'm working for a game jam i have a deadline and i just decide to myself okay i will release a game now.

because ive made a decent amount of games i roughly have an idea on my capabilities, i can estimate how long it takes for me to write a story so and so long and how long it takes for me to draw stuff i need and how long it takes for me to throw stuff in renpy. these are estimates like as in I'm not accurate with it but still enough that i generally know where to start cutting ideas since the most important part is just having something to submit. i also know to plan around my brain wanting to slam my head into a wall an my hands suddenly giving up on being able to draw.

i think thats the beauty of game jams it forces you to just go for it and release something. releasing a 'bad' game is better than no game at all. experience only comes over time and i think just going for it is the best approach there is. like its literally 2 weeks 1 month whatever of your life. if you have the time and motivation go for it. make it work or fuck it up it wont matter in the grand scheme of things

im not sure what is the motivation behind the question but i do want to point out that this is just my method (if you can even call it a method) and the only way to figure out what works for you is to just try until you find something that actually works for you

idk not everyone will find it doable/fun to plan around spending two weeks gamedev 10 hours a day just cause i wanted to fit in 100 cgs for a jam game but apparently i can do that when i cheat my stupid adhd brain into hyperfocus with adhd meds

READMORE BECAUSE I CANT STOP RAMBLING

as for planning tho i think ideas on their own are worthless and its always about execution in the end. a great idea or a meh idea are the same for me but i do still enjoy the planning process so i keep notes

like i see a great tumblr post or i see some art or visual novel has some scene that inspires me: i save that shit for myself

having a big collection of random floating ideas like that helps me easily pick from especially during a jam type duration. right now i have like 4-5 half-baked project skeletons, some are literally like 3 pictures and some like naomida are a hundred hours worth of me writing world building about how the toilets work in a city with no plumbing cause its -30celcius(i love bringing this up)=

i dont normally plan that much, i tend to just wing it. like for malmaid i seriously just had some rough ideas and just went along as i wrote

same thing for dddeviance i had a handful of scenes that i really wanted to make and knew what kind of start and end it was meant to have and just figured out how to fill the in between. a lot of plot points changed vastly like halfway through i realised my devil + angel combination was stupid and i should just go for fallen angel + angel.

i think there really is no simple answer tho (as evident from the long as hell post) i don't really have a 'process' because every single game has been worked on has come with different type of planning since I'm always trying new stuff to try and distract me from boredom. like I've been using obsidian for naomida while previously I've just used a empty discord serve as my notes app for malmaid and dddeviance

and tbh with naomida I'm running to a new problem where I'm definitely planning too much. like I'm spending too much time fidgeting with details in chapter 4 even when i haven't finished writing chapter 1 just cause its so easy to get in the loop of "oh ill just change this one line" and boom 20 mins spent playing with my notes that didn't really progress my game since by the time i reach this point the whole scene might have shifted to something else

but if i had to squeeze an answer itd be something like everything related to my art or writing or games is just like "oooooo that seems fun i should remember this for later" and then i just string 10-100 of those into a story

i tend to write my stories in a format of

character A does this and that

this happens here

puppy play ryona piss orgasm

new day and then this happens here

sad thing happens

more piss orgasm

the end

and just like start filling in more details and working on my story in a nonlinear fashion until i feel like i have a strong enough skeleton that i can start writing my scenes. i hop around a lot, often preferring to write the fun scenes first like ero stuff or the ones I'm the most interested in and then the rest is just filling the blanks and stringing the cool scenes together

#idk #dev rambling i guessssssssssssssssssssssssss #asked

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basil-does-arttt · 4 months ago

Text

hold on wait a second i had a thought

in the DLC prolouge cutscene for DMC 5, when Vergil is in that stone passageway area, he says "its nearly time" (in reference to him splitting himself in half).

We know what day it happens, april 30th. The date is shown in Nero's flashback scene. This is of course assuming Vergil did all that on the same day, which i think is what happened. (He could open a portal to his house to travel, and why would he wait any longer and risk dying first?)

Anyway. Thats not my point, my point is: did he choose to do it on this day on purpose? Is this date special?

Im overanalyzing here so this may be a stretch, but: Could that be the day Eva died? Think about it. Him splitting himself was a "rebirth" of sorts: discarding his humanity to become a full demon in search of ultimate power.

Vergil being stabbed by those demons the day Eva died could also be counted as a kind of rebirthing for him: In the span of a few hours, he lost everything. His family, his life. And maybe even, his full humanity, as he gained his DT form in that moment too (shown by him having the same triggered-style eyes Dante uses when threatening V toward the start, also (half)triggered.) No longer was he a mere human boy, but now half a devil - the things that killed his family - too.

Knowing Vergil, it could make sense. In DMC 3 he's quite proper and a bit sentimental, much more so than Dante and i can see him caring more for these kinds of niche details in his life a lot more than Dante too. I also think he may have still been in that mindset when coming out of the Nelo Angelo body (however that happened), in a way that he hasnt really grown or matured while he was Nelo Angelo due to all the mind-fuckery performed thanks to Mundus.

(Could also be clarification for the reason Vergil still looks so young, quote "because of how much time he's spent in the underworld compared to Dante". He didnt live there, certainly not by choice. But he was captured and tortured by Mundus for 10 years. My thoughts is that he's technically still in his teenage body, as becoming Nelo Angelo and being in the underworld for so long thanks to Mundus halted (or at least very significantly slowed) the aging process. Time could move slower in hell but thats a rant for another time, ive gone off track.)

As such, him choosing such a special (traumatic) date to essential commit suicide on doesnt seem like much of a reach to me. Vergil has always been methodic. He doesn't do things hap-hazardly and never has, even as Nelo Angelo when he invites Dante outside to set up a proper fight rather than just taking the opportunity and attacking in the bedroom.

Of course you can argue it was coincidence, and he just stumbled across Nero by chance and decided to do it right then and there. He had to have found Nero first of all, figured out his plan of attack (probably so he wouldnt draw unwanted attention and possibly be stopped), then actually put it into motion. He couldnt exactly control the date Nero happened to be in the right place at the right time and gave him an opening. Im not trying to convince or anything, just sharing ideas, But wouldn't it just be so in character for april 30th to be a special date for him??

Overall i at least think the reason he chose to do it at the house was intentional for reasons stated above. If it wasnt, then why didn't he just... idk, find an alleyway or something and split himself there?

Those are my thoughts. Id love to hear other people's theories and such on this too.

(EDIT: I REALIZED THE MOMENT HE SPLITS HIMSELF ALSO PROBABLY HAPPENS AT A SPECIFIC TIME AS WELL, NAMELY 6:00 PM.

It mustve taken him some time to get back to the house. Not hours, but not seconds. 15 minutes seems like a good amount of travel time for someone who can teleport using portals alongside a bit of walking. If he got there early he could've just waited too.

A specific date, april 30th, and at (likely) exactly 6:00pm. In VOV while it is black and white, i assume the attack happened late into the evening, since the sky is dark when he gets back to the house a bit later. Idk how he would've known that it was exactly 6:00 but... anyway, Mundus also seems like the type of guy to plan shit, especially an attack like he did to Eva and the twins, if that whole "eva died on april 30th" thing was true.)

#and also apologies if this makes zero sense or is incomprehensible #i wrote this while stoned off my ass and replaying dmc 5 #i may go back and edit it later or ill find any mistakes funny and keep them who knows #devil may cry #dmc #vergil devil may cry #dante devil may cry #dmc 5

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sun-stricken · 1 year ago

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Gray, Lyon and Ultear family ideas? I like to imagine Gray tells them about one of fairy tail’s exploits and they get concerned about his well-being. Mandatory family trips thatGray definitely doesn’t try to avoid (Lyon and Ultear have learnt to alert the guild when they’re coming so Gray can’t escape).

And if you don’t mind, Gray and Loke being BFFs?

Thanks! This blog makes me happy

im so happy you enjoy my blog!! i enjoy it too ;D

i’ve actually made a post similar to this before, but heres more

ty for the ask and sorry this took a while, ive been busy

Once a month (at least) family trip are a must, It started with Ultear dragging Lyon places during the 7 year gap but it started being a more regular thing when Gray turned back up

the first couple time they tried to do things together, it was a disaster

they werent familiar with each other and were hella awkward

Also, when Lyon & Ultear would mention to Gray they were coming into town, he would try to convince the team to go on an impromptu job

they’ve since learned to warn Erza of their arrival so he cant leave

‘abt to come into town, do not let that mf leave’

‘Guarding the doors & windows rn’

Grays probably walked into the guild to see one or both of them and turned right back around

The first time the showed up when Gray wasnt around they got a shovel-esque talk

it was terrifying and also confusing considering they think of themselves as his siblings so shouldnt they be giving those talks?

Ultear really embraces her oldest sibling role and pays for practically everything they do together

While Gray will try to avoid in person outings, he will blow up their phones (lacrima devices, whatever) at all hours of the night

Lyon probably has a 16 step skin care routine that he tries to nag the other two into trying it

its a fools quest tbh

They argue. so much. cannot do anything together without a disagreement. they probably have fist fought each other too

They are fiercely protective of one another, they can be pretty subtle about it but its clear as day to anyone who even slightly crosses them

They as a whole have a gambling/betting problem

They have run their pockets dry with it

They have been kicked out of multiple restaurants for being too loud

Gray tells them off-handedly abt the jobs and events he went through while growing up in Fairy Tail and they just sit back and listen in horrified fascination

they have absolutely no planned photos of them, they just never got around to it (*coughcough* grayrefusedtobeinone *coughcough*)

however! they have soooo many candid ones, Gray glared and complained when he found out (but he has half of them framed or saved on his phone)

Ultear and Lyon got pretty close duriny the 7 year gap and while Gray swears hes not jealous of it he totally is

Ultear, Lyon, & Gray; Guilt Complex Extraordinaires

Loke & Gray things :D

Nobody knows if Loke had a house, he always crashed on Grays couch

They are the reason for the sassy man apocalypse

When Lucy lets him have a day off his first stop tends to be Gray

Loke taught Gray how to cook

If Gray gets mad at him, Loke will attempt to deescalate it by flirting

Grayll be scolding him and Loke will stare at him and say smth like “are we about to kiss right now🥰”

it only serves to make Gray more angry

Orange cat friend + Black cat friend

Theyre the type to know in detail each others existential crisis’s but not each others favorite color

they do not have blackmail on each other. none. because they know if they ever did and actually released it the other would post absolutely every single humiliating thing they’ve done ever

There is no such thing as a judgement free zone with them

Their tastes are so different that when they have to get gifts for each other that if they look at smth and think “wow this is so ugly” they know its the right one

they probably hooked up at some point but thats neither here nor there

Loke, Gray and Cana were kinda like the mean girls of young fairy tail

They had a dont ask dont tell policy on their pasts, however every other personal detail abt each other was free reign

A lot of their conversations have left them with a sense of dread, confusion and hysteria

Lokes the type to walk into ppls houses like its his own, his most common victim is Gray

Loke, pulling the shower curtain back: Were out of ch— stop screaming

Gray, still screaming: HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE???

Loke, nonplussed: You left the kitchen window unlocked, also we’re out of chips

SORRY ITS SHORT!!

#fairy tail #gray fullbuster #ultear milkovich #lyon vastia #ft loke #loke fairy tail #sun strickens ft #fairy tail headcanons #sun stricken answers #im having writers block with my foc and apparently that extends to hcs #so sorry

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emberfrostlovesloki · 1 year ago

Text

Now You're Everything [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@unheartbreakable) Center (@milla984) Right (@poseidonsarmoury)

Prompt: It’s been a long time coming and after an emotion-heavy year, Aaron finally shows the BAU-reader how much he wants them.

Pairing: Aaron x fem!reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns.

Category: fluff/comfort/minor whump.

Word Count: 9.9K

Content Warnings: Light swearing and drinking, mention of kidnapping and torture [Hotch], Hospitals and IVs, Minor unwanted advances [reader]. If I missed any, please let me know.

A/N: Hi, loves! Happy New Year's Eve! This is for my love @silk-spun. It is the second fic I’ve written based on my December Prompt List (linked) Dialog prompt #6: “Let’s skip the office party and go out on the town instead!” I changed the wording a bit, but this is basically all the times Aaron and the reader don’t have the right words to confess, and the one time they don’t need them to get their message across. There is one short mention of Aaron being tortured on a case, and I plan on turning that into a full fic soon. So look forward to that (?). I hope you have a great evening and stay safe. If you like this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! Love Levi - ❤️

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_y/n_ = your name

_y/l/n_ = your last name

_y/f/c_ = your favorite color

_y/f/c/b_ = your favorite caffeinated beverage (i.e. coffee/tea/energy drinks)

_y/l/f/d_ = your least favorite designer

_y/f/d_ = your favorite drink

Aaron looked around the room which was shockingly full for it being 9:30 p.m. He scanned the groups of people clustered around tables and sitting in chairs talking. Some had plates of food, others glasses of alcohol or sparkling soda. The person whom the supervisory special agent was looking for wasn’t there. He wondered if she was using the lady's room. The last time he’d seen _y/n_ she was being cornered by Freddy from finance. Aaron hadn’t attempted to listen in on the conversation because it was mostly Fred talking to _y/n_. It seemed the pox-faced man wasn’t letting _y/n_ get a word in edge-wise. That sounded like a personal hell that he would avoid at all costs. He had to do enough wine-ing and small talk at the annual Winter Holiday party as it was. He’d talked to Strauss, the Director of the Pentagon, and all the other heads of teams that had made it to Quantico for the party. He’d heard about so many cases that they started to blend together, but for Aaron, nothing would top his team or the crimes they solved. Hotch listened to Bernard Shaw, head agent for the Tax Fraud department, as the white-haired man droned on about a new loophole for the Cayman Islands and how much of a pain it had been that year. Aaron looked over his team with a soft appreciation for how hard they all worked, how they had gelled to feel more like a family than just profilers doing a difficult, dangerous job. There was Derek, who could always be called on to help with anything. The built agent was talking to Spencer. The genius had been so young when he joined the team. Aaron had taken on a fatherly role with Spencer without even thinking about it. Before Jack had ever been born. Rossi had just taken Aaron’s place with Strauss, and they were talking about some half-shared hobby or new bureau policy. Both of those conversations looked the same. Hotch caught Dave’s eye and the older man gave a small shrug, indicating, “This is what the holiday party is for. Making nice one last time before we get a break.” Aaron gave a small nod of agreement before turning his attention back to Shaw. The man hadn’t noticed as Aaron’s attention had waned and then returned to him. Hotch cleared his throat and said, “I’m going to refresh my drink, but it was good to catch up, Bernard, and good luck in dealing with the fallout of S.B. 103b.” Bernard nodded, and the two men shook hands before Aaron walked back to the table with the alcohol on offer. As Hotch poured himself a glass of white. He guessed at how much the liquor alone for this party cost. His guess was around 2,000 dollars. The FBI didn’t ever recommend frivolous spending, but even they realized that sticking a hundred agents and department heads together required the good stuff.

As Aaron sipped on the cool chablis, he swirled the liquid in his glass slightly. The rare sound of mirth at this dull and quiet frankly depressing party was coming from his team. It was Emily, JJ, Garcia, and _y/n_.” As he looked at _y/n_ in her semi-formal _y/f/c_ dress that was just long enough to be appropriate, Hotch assumed it was some cocktail dress _y/n_ had pulled from the back of a closet behind all of _y/n_ business formal and work attire. The black tights made the outfit work in a fashion way that Aaron didn’t have the right words for. He had to tear his eyes away because if he kept looking at _y/l/n_ much longer, the butterflies in his stomach would soon unfurl their wings and move into his ribcage in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Aaron moved to Rossi, who was free now for support. Dave grounded him, which he needed right now. His feelings for _y/n_ had been coming to a head for months now and somehow, Aaron didn’t feel the bureau holiday party was the place for a confession. Even if _y/n_ was receptive to his advances, he worried. His role as her superior and the age gap had him wondering if they had enough in common to sustain a relationship. They’d grown up in different decades, and y/n_ seemed to have the youth and energy he lacked as he neared late middle age. The part of Aaron that longed for _y/n_ in unexplored ways knew that Hotch’s concerns were self-imposed. That _y/n_ had been sending him small signs of affection and care that didn’t even think he deserved. But Aaron’s fear was real and steeped in policy and power dynamics that would come with having a committed relationship with _y/n_. Hotch moved next to Rossi and asked his friend about his New Year's plan. If he was currently seeing anyone. The basic life and catching up questions that they rarely had time for during work. As Dave answered, Hotch’s eye kept flicking back to _y/n_, as she laughed at some comment of Penelope’s. Rossi noticed and stopped talking about himself. Instead, he said, “She’s not going to wait forever you know, Aaron. _y/n_’s a patient person, but I think she deserves to know how you feel about her.” This comment had Hotch flush and take a breath in. Aaron had tried very hard to keep any of his feelings for _y/n_ hidden beneath a cloak of professionalism and feigned disinterest in the team's personal life as a whole. After all, he was their boss foremost, but it was hard to tune out when the team spoke of their weekends. It was doubly so when it was _y/n_. He’d overhear her complaints about bad dates and rent, and how her dryer was broken in her unit. Hotch had wanted to offer to fix it himself but stopped himself before the words could slip from his mouth. He’d also heard her when she talked about the good things like a new cafe she had found, or getting tickets for a band she adored. If _y/n_ was talking and Aaron was around, he listened but tried to look very hard to not look like he was listening. He wondered if he had played into that a little too hard. Hotch looked at Rossi and asked, “Is it that obvious? And what if _y/n_ doesn’t feel the same way? Her feelings could just be due to proximity, or that I’m her boss or something.” Rossi scoffed and said, “You’re deflecting, Aaron. This isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey. A young woman is allowed to have feelings for a guy, who in my opinion is a pretty good catch.” Dave’s complement had Aaron scoff, but that didn’t stop Rossi from continuing. “Listen, Hotch. I knew you liked her and that she liked you ever since you were in the hospital after the case in Indianapolis. I think what happened in that hospital room told me that there was more than just a feeling of friendship between you and _y/n_. As for whether her feelings are the same way for you and you do for her, I can’t tell you. I’m no love expert. But you’re never going to know how she feels about you unless you ask. And I think you both deserve to know the answer, Hotch.”

With those words of advice, Dave gave Aaron a pat on the arm and excused himself for the night. The older profiler had done the rounds with the higher-ups and was excited to head home, nurse a whiskey, and watch an episode of The Suprano’s. Aaron on the other hand still had about five people to speak to before he could excuse himself. The added discussion about _y/n_ wasn’t going to make small talk any easier. So, with wine still in hand, he steeled himself for another hour of conversation. Hotch had almost made it through the last of his people. He needed to “catch up with.” The room had cleared significantly since his talk with Rossi. Derek, Spencer, and Em had all left, waving or saying a quick goodbye to him as they exited. Garcia was talking to a tech friend of hers from the third floor, and JJ was speaking in hushed tones to Will. But _y/n_ was nowhere to be found. Hotch watched as Arnold, the last person he should talk to approached him. Aaron didn’t think he could take any more small talk, and because Arnold was in Legal, he always asked Aaron loads of questions. Although Hotch didn’t mind flexing his JD now and again, he preferred to do it in a courtroom, not at parties, and not with Arnold Shortes nearly taking notes over their conversation. Aaron turned on his heel and walked quickly to the elevator before Arnold could catch him. Even after a few minutes _y/n_ still hadn’t come back into the second-floor conference room which had been cleared and rearranged for the party. He considered that _y/n_ might have dipped out with Emily, but he was sure she would have told him goodbye before she had left. She always told him goodbye unless he was in a meeting or seemed overly absorbed in his paperwork. _y/n_ introducing her comings and goings had become so routine that he used it as an informal clock now. _y/n_ would always enter the bullpen at 7:45 a.m. sharp unless there was something amiss. And then in the evenings at 5:10 p.m., she’d knock on his office door and wave before skipping down the stairs and to a life that Aaron assumed was filled with much more interesting things than his own. In fact, Hotch had become so accustomed to using _y/n_’s timeliness that he had almost missed a meeting with Strauss because of it.

Hotch had been sitting in his office looking over a case report, waiting to hear _y/n_’s chipper, “Hey guys,” down in the bullpen. He knew once he heard that he’d have just enough time to grab a coffee, wave to the team, and then make it to Strauss’s office. But it seemed to be taking longer than usual. Concerned, Aaron looked at his watch and was startled when he realized it was already 7:55 a.m. Aaron had to run to the elevator and just barely made it to the meeting on time. After the hour with Strauss, he had found JJ and asked, “Where’s _y/l/n_?” A tinge of concern laced his voice. The media liaison had replied, “She caught a bad cold last night. She just called Emily to let her know that she’s taking the day off with PTO.” Aaron nodded, absorbing the information. He was glad to know that _y/n_ wasn’t in any trouble, or stuck in traffic, but being sick didn’t sound great either. Aaron had spent the rest of that day fiddling around anxiously. Hotch knew it was because of _y/n_ but refused to admit it. Finally, when 5:10 came around, he pulled out his cell and called _y/n_. She’d picked up on the third ring and sounded terrible as she said, “Hey, Hotch. What is it?” Aaron let out a breath and said, “Sorry to disturb you, _y/n_. I just wanted to see how you were doing?” There was a muffled cough on the line, and Aaron cringed as _y/n_ hoarsely replied, “I’m still feeling pretty bad, but the fever is down at least. Hopefully, I’ll be back in a day or two.” Hotch nodded and replied a little too quickly, “Take all the time you need, _y/n_. When you feel better, come back.” There was an awkward pause because Aaron didn’t know what else to say, and _y/n_ hadn’t expected to hear such genuine concern coming from her normally very composed superior. At least not over a little cold. Eventually, _y/n_ who was feeling sleepy again said, “Thanks for checking on me, Hotch. I’ll be alright, just need some sleep.” Again, Aaron nodded. He replied, “Okay. Rest well, _y/n_. See you in a few days.” After that, he hung up and put his head in his hands in desperation. He knew he shouldn’t be having the feelings he was for _y/n_ It was inappropriate. His inner voice reminded him, “She’s sick goddamn it. She probably doesn’t want you around right now.” Aaron did justify his line of thinking slightly because he was just picturing making her some tea to smooth her throat and tucking the blankets around her more tightly. It’s not like he was having sex with her… though he’d had those thoughts before too. In his waking mind, he could stop those images with ease, but in his dreams when he made love to her, it was always overpowering. A time or two, he’d even waken mid-dream to find his body aroused and tense. On these occasions, he’d had to go to the bathroom and find release below a steaming shower. The guilt of doing this weighed on him heavily. One of the times he had done this was during a case, and he hadn’t been able to look at _y/n_ most of the day without flushing and internally reprimanding his body and mind like a teenager. But a majority of Aaron’s thoughts about _y/n_ centered around mundane things like waking up beside her, or cooking dinner together. Aaron knew he was boring, and led a boring life, but if it was possible, he’d like to lead it with _y/n_ beside him. Aaron sighed as the elevator reached his team’s floor. He wished he didn’t sound so melancholic, so lovesick. It wasn’t like him. But _y/n_ pulled the emotions from him like the moon pulled the tides. If nothing else, Aaron had learned something valuable tonight; as Rossi had said, _y/n_ wouldn’t wait for him forever, and they both deserved to know how the other felt about the other.

The bullpen was mostly dark with a few lamps on some desks still on, plus the lamps in Aaron’s office burned down on the rest of the space with their soft halogen glow. Hotch didn’t want to seem like a creep, but he wondered where _y/n_ had wandered off to, or if she had just left without telling him. The latter sounded unlikely. Hotch moved to her desk and noticed that _y/n_’s chair was pulled out with her bulky coat draped over the back, and her sneakers and socks sitting underneath the desk. This indicated to Aaron that _y/n_ was still around. Aaron leaned against the desk, much like Morgan did every day when _y/n_ got into the office. Hotch flushed at the idea of _y/n_ sitting in the empty chair. Being so close and causal like Derek or Garcia were with her. Hotch rarely found himself jealous of Morgan for many reasons, but in this case, he was. He couldn’t afford to be too casual with anyone on the team, especially not with _y/n_. If he was, he knew he’d fall head over heels for her. It was hard enough thinking and dreaming about her. He didn’t need more fuel for that fire. Thinking about this sparked a memory from earlier in the year, and suddenly, Aaron had a sense of where _y/n_ was. It had been after a long day in October. The time change had meant that it was dark outside before anyone left the office. The whole team was still around filling out some reports, except _y/n_ seemed to be missing. Hotch approached Emily and asked, “Where’s _y/n_?” Prenitess chuckled at his question and said, “Licking her wounds up on the roof. Freddy Hareld from Finance just made a big deal about “Just how keen _y/n_ looked. And how she must just be dying to get to know the city better now that she’s part of the BAU, and wouldn’t she let him show her around on Sunday.” Hotch’s eyes grew wide at the story. He was rarely privy to office gossip, even though he knew stuff like this happened around him all the time. However, his co-workers kept him out of the loop, which he didn’t mind until now. Aaron cleared his throat and asked, “Did she seem alright?” He wasn’t one to notice or judge men much, he knew he wasn’t perfect either, but Freddy didn’t seem like _y/n_’s type. Hotch was surprised the man had mustered up the courage to ask. Emily nodded and said, “She just looked annoyed. Apparently, Fred talked, loudly, for about five minutes before she had to shut him down and tell him that she wasn’t interested.” Even though Aaron trusted Prentiss, he wanted to make sure that _y/n_ was okay for himself. Office drama could be uncomfortable. Hotch had spent a good bit of time on the roof himself when he was new to the team. It seemed to be one of the only places in the building where you wouldn’t be disturbed, but now that Aaron had his own office, he didn’t need to find an escape from the team or his own thoughts anymore Much like the first time he had found _y/n_ on the roof seeking an escape, _y/n_ was leaning against the railing, looking out onto the canopy of trees that surrounded the Quantico office and the highway beyond them. Hotch cleared his throat, as he stepped closer to _y/n_. She turned around and felt a blush paint across her face when she saw it was him.

_y/n_ had just been thinking about him, and there he was. _y/n_ had been considering how they had both been dancing around the other's feelings all year. And two things _y/n_ knew for sure, she wasn’t great at dancing, and her feet were fucking tired. _y/n_ had hoped that there would be a way for her to tell him how she felt without it being awkward or jeopardizing her job. She hoped that she’d at least shown Aaron her care with her actions if not her words. Unfortunately, the few times that had seemed perfect had been cut off by Haley and Jack. The first time had happened in June. A terrorist group was planning on poisoning the largest high school in the region. It had all been a test run for a bigger operation that would take place in D.C. The team had caught on the terrorist’s trail first. But not before Hotch had been taken and tortured for information. The few seconds of audio that Aaron’s captors had shared were so sickening to _y/n_ that she crumpled in on herself and almost vomited. She couldn’t hide how much hearing Hotch in pain was hurting her. When the cell had been caught, the other half of the team moved to Aaron’s location. _y/n_ had shot and then subdued three men before she, Rossi, and Spencer found Hotch black and blue and tied to a chair. He was barely conscious with his mouth gagged. The wad of cloth in his mouth was soaked with sweat and blood that had dripped down the side of Aaron’s face from a large gash on his eyebrow. _y/n_ helped free his mouth while Spencer cut off the zip ties around his battered arms and legs. Rossi was on the phone with the paramedics who were already en route. Once Aaron’s limbs had been freed, he slumped heavily into _y/n_, who supported his weight. She and Spencer helped him to the ground, and he groaned in pain at being shifted. _y/n_ quickly took off her outer jacket and covered his waist. His kidnappers had stripped him of everything but his briefs, and _y/n_ was certain he didn’t want to be so exposed. The paramedics came shortly after and took Aaron to the nearest hospital._y/n_ was grateful that she didn’t have much time to see or think about all the cuts and burns littering Hotch’s prone form. Seeing him like this felt so wrong that it twisted her insides.

Later, when the doctor had methodically detailed Aaron’s injuries, _y/n_ burned with a fit of anger even _y/n_ didn’t know that she possessed. When he was cleared for it, the team had all gone and saw Aaron in his room. He was surrounded and attached to multiple medical devices keeping him medicated and stable. Even though everyone appreciated Aaron and what he had gone through, no one particularly wanted to stay with him long after wishing him a good night’s rest. No one except _y/n._. Aaron knew it was his fault. He hated hospitals. He would gripe and groan and generally be in a foul mood until he was released as quickly as possible, so he was surprised in his pain-induced state to see _y/n_ pull up a chair close to his bed and just plant herself there. Aaron shifted on the bed to look at her better. That was a bad idea as a sharp pain moved up his side. Hotch muttered, “Fuck” under his breath. He moved his left hand which was attached to an IV toward his stomach to apply some pressure where the pain was radiating from. _y/n_ watched as Aaron moved around. He was straining the line of his IV, and _y/n_ jumped up softly saying, “Hey, hey. Take it easy there Hotch. Just stay calm if you can.” Aaron grunted, but acquiesced as _y/n_ took his left arm and rested it back by his side. She looked at him, concern etched on her face as she asked, “Where does it hurt, Hotch?” Aaron swallowed and almost said everywhere. But his stomach was especially tender and he said, “My, my stomach, but you don’t have to do anything _y/n_. You don’t need to stay here. I’m a pain in the ass when I’m like this.” _y/n_ nodded in understanding as she gently applied a bit of pressure to where he had been trying to reach earlier. He closed his eyes as _y/n_ gently rubbed circles over the inflamed flesh of his torso. Any words about protocol or regulations left him as soon as _y/n_’s hands met his clothed skin. He let out a breath and _y/n_ asked, “Is this okay? I can get a nurse for you?” Aaron shook his head no. He was sick of being poked at. Having three IVs was already putting him on edge. The possibility of more medical equipment was too much to bear. And whatever _y/n_ was doing was soothing him. Hotch softly said, “No nurse. Please. This is good.” Even saying those words seemed to exhaust him. _y/n_ just nodded and kept gently running her hand over his stomach. She didn’t want to think about how this was probably breaking ten rules, or how Aaron’s body looked under the flimsy hospital gown. She just kept moving her hands and watched as Hotch seemed to still and then finally sleep. When his breathing had evened out, _y/n_ pulled the covers over him again and took her seat once more. She didn’t care if he was in a mood or snapped at her. _y/n_ just didn’t think he should be alone right now. So she was going to sit with him until either he told her to leave or someone in the hospital kicked her out. It was at that moment that all of her disparate feelings for him coalesced into one of love. Not a fling or a passing fancy, but the kind of love that lasts through illness and grief and every other part of life. _y/n_ sighed and thought, “What a time to have a revelation like this,” as she kept watch over her boss, unable to leave his side.

Aaron had shown interest in her too. _y/n_ felt a bit better that she wasn’t the only one falling in love. He was more subtle about it, or at least he was trying to be. But that hadn’t stopped her from noticing how he looked at her, how his gaze lingered just a second too long in meetings. He’d pull his eyes away quickly as if he’d been caught doing something improper. Then there was the time he’d called her when she was sick and how he’d seemed a little too excited to have her back after a short four days of illness. And he looked out for her on cases. Not that Aaron didn’t look out for everyone, but he seemed to take her comfort more seriously than he needed to. He held the door for her and let her sit in the passenger seat so they could throw ideas back and forth. At first _y/n_ had thought it was just because she was the newest member of the team. But the behavior from Hotch continued, and just one time on a case, he’d pulled her out of a line of fire and rolled on top of her even though he probably didn’t need to go that far. As Aaron let out a breath of excitement over the case and the woman below him, _y/n_ caught the tells of desire on his face. It didn’t help that they were in what could be an intimate position. His pupils were wide and his breath came in little gasps. _y/n_ didn’t need to see his groin to know that he was excited down there too. After a second, Hotch quickly got up and helped _y/n_ stand too. Aaron nervously straightened his shirt and tie and after quickly asking _y/n_ if she was okay, and her response of “yes,” he moved away from her to gather some semblance of composure. The fact that Aaron was flushed and couldn’t look at her for the rest of the day told _y/n_ all she needed to know about Hotch’s thoughts about her. Or at least the uncontrollable whims of his strong body. _y/n_ didn’t let herself get carried away. Aaron was still her boss, and she was his agent. And because of this neither had said anything or acted like they were falling in love with the other because it didn’t feel like it could happen. Not to them. But now as _y/n_ sat by his hospital bed, she wondered what it would be like with Aaron. To peek behind his well-kept facade and just be close to him. _y/n_ assumed this was the nearest she’d ever come to that, so she settled in for a long night and decided if this was all she was getting, then she would accept it. Fate had never been so kind to give her something as lovely as Aaron, Hotchner, and she accepted it.

It was a long night. Hotch woke almost every hour in pain or needing to adjust for his comfort. _y/n_ moved his pillows and blankets for him, helped him drink a glass of water, and called a nurse when he needed to relieve himself. The next morning she was tired, but when Aaron woke, he seemed much improved. He softly said, “_y/n_, thanks for last night. For being here. You made being here, comfortable for me.” _y/n_ took his hand softly and rubbed over his knuckles with her thumb. Gently she said, “It was nothing, Aaron. I’m just glad you’re okay.” _y/n_ was so tired that she was about to speak transparently and say, “I’d do this all the time if you needed me to. I don’t mind staying up all night with you whether you’re sick or not.” That was the closest thing to a confession that _y/n_ could think of. But she had been interrupted when a nurse knocked on the door and said, “Mr. Hotchner, your son, and Ms. Brooks are here to see you. Should I let them in?” Hearing this, _y/n_ dropped his hand and her head a tiny bit. She stood and said, “I’ll give ya’ll some space, Hotch.” Aaron nodded yes to the nurse, and watched as _y/n_ left the room. He felt like he’d just missed something big, but didn’t know what. _y/n_ passed Haley and Jack in the hall. _y/n_ gave the pair a small smile and nod, and she made her way to the hospital lounge to get some much-needed coffee. The Hotchner-Brooks divorce was still very new, and _y/n_ wondered where things had fallen apart between the two of them. She also wondered if there was any chance at all for her and Aaro. It didn’t feel like it at the moment.

_y/n_ snapped back to the present when Aaron said her name more loudly. He was holding out his suit jacket for her and saying, “You look a little cold.” Hotch was right, she was cold. _y/n_ had wished she’d brought her coat up to the roof almost as soon as she had stepped outside. However, she was too lazy to want to go back in. She’d escaped Freddy’s boring conversation and looked at Aaron right before she moved to the roof for some fresh air. _y/n_ was pondering if she should just give up her dreams about Hotch. Neither of them seemed to be making any moves out of fear that they might say no to the other or that they might ruin the strong friendship they had now. _y/n_ was getting tired of it though. But then there was Aaron as always being a gentleman and looking out for her. _y/n_ nodded and Aaron slipped behind her, placing the jacket over her shoulders. His hands brushed over her exposed skin, and _y/n_ felt that familiar spark burn through her anytime she felt Aaron’s hands on her. Those times were few and far between. She looked over at Aaron and decided that tonight she was going to give him a line and see if he took it. If she didn’t seem interested, she’d let her infatuation go and move on. She could be happy not loving Aaron. At least she hoped she could. Hotch moved to her side next to the railing and he asked, “Was Fred trying to ask you out again?” _y/n_ flushed because it was so rare for him to ask her about her personal life. She remembered the first time it had happened she’d nearly dropped her _y/f/c/b_. That first time had been Freddy-related too. That time they both seemed embarrassed to be talking about it. Now _y/n_ was much more comfortable being open with Aaron. She looked at him and replied, “No. Not this time thankfully. I think the third time actually did it. No today he was just asking about the cases the team has been on recently, and then, inexplicably, he started talking about his pet lizard.” Hearing this, Aaron couldn’t help but cringe. _y/n_ chuckled and said, “You know he’s not a bad guy, just not the guy for me. But bless him, he needs to learn to read a room.” Aaron hummed and said, “Well I’m glad he’s ended his crusade.” _y/n_ laughed at his commentary and replied, “You know he’s right about one thing. I still don’t know this city at all. The cases keep me tired enough to not want to explore on my days off. What do you say we skip the party and you show me something worth seeing?” And here was _y/n_’s line. All Aaron had to do was give it a tug. Hotch looked at her with some surprise, like he had when he was half-dazed in the hospital bed. He cleared his throat and said, “Are you sure it’s me you want? Garcia, or even JJ could show you a better time. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind…” _y/n_ could sense that he was deflecting, and said, “No. I want you. You’ve lived here longer and you’ve gotta know the places that aren’t tourist traps. Plus, Garcia is flirting up a storm with that tech down there and JJ only has eyes for Will. I wouldn’t dare break up either of those conversations right now.” After a pause, _y/n_ added, “Come on Hotch. You looked miserable in there. You’re honestly telling me that you want to go back?”

Aaron let out a warm laugh and said, “Alright, I wasn’t particularly enjoying myself. Too much small talk makes me feel like a dog that’s been bred for show. And I never understood why they held this thing after Christmas and between New Year's. That time feels sacred in some unspeakable way.” _y/n_ was grinning and said, “Totally. I know the director said there was some sort of conflict, but that just read like bad code for, ‘Let me take my ski vacation with my family first.’ And don’t mention the playlist in there. Nobody was enjoying that, I swear to god.” Hotch had to stifle a harsh laugh to not sound unbecoming. That was another thing about _y/n_, they synced with each other’s humor. Sometimes he had to look away from her in meetings to avoid bursting out laughing. The fact was a joy and a pain in equal measure. Aaron looked over to her again, and he realized that she was still waiting for an answer. He took a breath to steel himself. Aaron left like it was now or never, and he didn’t want to let _y/n_ go. Not after all they’d been through this year. He did, however, need a moment to think about where exactly to take _y/n_. He hadn’t exactly been on the town himself since the divorce. Hotch slowly said, “I’d be happy to show you around, _y/n_, but would you give me a minute to think about where exactly to take you? I’m, um, particular about places.” _y/n_ nodded and relaxed into the railing. Aaron looked her over again. She looked ravishing in that dress, and it didn’t hurt that she had his jacket on too. He rested his hands on the cool metal and looked out onto the highway. Gently he asked, “What do you think about when you come up here? I used to spend a good deal of time up here too. When I was new to the BAU at least.” _y/n_ looked over him. Pondering the question. Trying to picture him as a green agent under Gideon. Trying to imagine him in his early thirties instead of his late forties. That all felt like a different time. She hadn’t been there then. _y/n_ moved her gaze to the highway and said, “Well most of my time up here is spent far less productively than yours was. I’m sure. In fact, three of the seven times on this roof have been an escape from Freddy. The other four times, I’m sure I was just annoyed, at myself or someone else. It’s a good place to cool off. Shake the cares of the day away.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. Most of his time up here had been spent sitting against the wall and questioning his life choices, but he didn’t verbalize that thought. He didn’t need to as _y/n_ continued, “But sometimes I like to close my eyes and pretend I can see D.C. from the rooftop. The capital or Washinton Mall. I know it’s silly, and I’ve explored that city even less than this one, but that’s why we’re here, aren’t we? To keep people safe. To keep the dream alive for everyone who doesn’t have to see the dark underbelly of this country. It gives me comfort.” Hearing this, Hotch stepped forward and placed a hand on _y/n_’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure why. He replied, “I don’t think that’s silly at all, _y/n_.” Something _y/l/n_ had said had sparked an idea in Hotch. There was a place on the border between D.C. and Virginia that he’d liked a long time ago. Politicians from either side of the aisle would meet there to make deals and broker favors. As a younger man, he had thought it was cool. Aaron looked at _y/n_ and said, “How do you feel about jazz?” _y/n_ nodded yes and said, “I don’t mind it. Improvisation is good for the soul. Gets you out there. Is there dancing?” Aaron tried to remember the intimate club and eventually nodded yes, saying, “I think so. But I wouldn’t trust me with that. I’ve got two left feet.” _y/n_’s laughter cut through the cold night and she said, “It’s alright. Me too most of the time.” Aaron shifted his hand to her lower back as he asked, “This place is too far to walk. Did you drive here?” _y/n_ replied, “No. Em took me. I was planning on taking an Uber back when I was done with my private roof party.” Aaron noticed her eyes slowly blowing out and her breath coming in faster in her chest. Aaron nodded and said, “Okay. Well, we’ll take my car if you're comfortable with it. I can drop you off at your place after?” _y/n_ agreed and said, “Sounds like a plan.”

The pair made a quick stop by Aaron’s office and _y/n_’s desk to grab their things before heading out. Neither made any formal goodbye at the party. Hotch felt oddly free as he stepped out of the field office with _y/n_ by his side. On the drive to the jazz club, he pointed out different areas of the town to _y/n_. He knew he sounded like a dad, but _y/n_ seemed interested in learning more about the area and asked follow-up questions as they cruised down the dark streets. There was no parking in front of the club, so Aaron found some down the road. The club was unassumingly nestled into the facade of a street full of high-end stores. Now it was _y/n_’s turn to point out interesting trends in the window and designers she despised. Aaron got a small tirade about _y/l/f/d_ when they passed that storefront. _y/n_ was sure Hotch had lost interest at that point, but when she looked at him, he seemed engrossed. He looked over at her and said, “Well, I’d have never known that unless you’d told me. Now I’ll have something smart to say when there’s more small talk to be made at parties.” _y/n_ smiled at Aaron. She knew she had her eccentricities, but he took them with such grace and she wondered what she’d done to earn even an hour of this man's time. _y/n_ spared him any other commentary. When they stepped into the small, dark space of the club, Aaron told the matre de that it was just two, and the man led the two toward the back of the space. The head waiter graciously motioned to a small couch near the live band playing soft jazz in the back corner of the room. Aaron let _y/n_ take a seat first, and he followed after her. Shortly after being seated a waiter came and took their orders. Aaron got an old-fashioned, and _y/n_ ordered _y/f/d_. As they waited for their drinks to arrive, _y/n_ asked Aaron, “So, how did you find this place?” Hotch did his best to summarize his first year in the BAU. How unsure he was about the shift in jobs. How Haley had been the one to get him out of the house and office. As Aaron recounted his story, _y/n_ didn’t pull away or, cringe at the mention of the former Mrs. Hotcher. _y/n_ realized as much as anyone how important Haley was to Aaron. He’d loved her for a long time before things had fallen apart. And she’d loved him too. _y/n_ was far less insecure about this fact now. She was ashamed about how she’d felt about Haley at the hospital that one time. Not only was Haley important, but _y/n_ realized that Jack was the zenith of Aaron’s life. And she respected that. Fatherhood seemed far from easy, and add being head of the BAU on top of that? Hell, Aaron made it look easy. So she listened to him open up in a way that he never had in front of her before, and _y/n_ got her small peak behind his work facade. She realized that he was just a man doing his best. Trying to juggle all of the plates at his feet, and somehow that was the most attractive thing possible about Aaron Hotchner that she hadn’t ever noticed before that instant.

Hotch looked at _y/n_ after his long-winded story and expected to see boredom there. Or disappointment at how often he’d brought up Haley or Jack. But he didn’t find it. Only a look of admiration that he couldn’t quite place. And suddenly Hotch wanted to say everything that he’d bottled up over the year and wanted to lean down and kiss _y/n_ on the lips like he had in his dreams. And _y/n_ watched as Aaron shifted in his demeanor. How his eyes were wide again and he seemed to be building to something new. Something yet said or explored between them. The sudden and insistent beeping of Hotch’s phone cut off that moment in an instant. Aaron pulled back from _y/n_ a bit and murmured, “Sorry,” as he accepted the call. After a second, Hotch’s mood changed again, as he replied to the other end of the line. “Is he alright? What’s the matter?” _y/n_ pulled back a bit more, realizing this was a private conversation and she was a bit too close to Aaron for it to be happening like one. His frown and worry lines increased, as he listened to the dialog she couldn’t hear. After a minute he replied, “Yes, I’ll head over right away. You said the doctor was on his way too?... Yeah, yeah. I’ll just be twenty minutes or so… Okay. Tell Jack I’m on my way… Yeah. Bye.” Aaron dropped his hand with this cell in it and looked at _y/n_ with sad eyes. She looked back and him and said, “Is it Jack?” Aaron nodded and replied, “Haley said he has a bad fever, and it’s getting worse. She called a doctor and she thinks I should come over. _y/n_, I’m sorry.” _y/n_ gave him a pat on the arm and said, “Go be with your son, Aaron. There are more important things than me in the world. At least in your world.” Hotch nodded with the same sad eyes. He realized how much of a sacrifice _y/n_ was making for him, how life in the BAU was a whole big load of sacrifice. Aaron stood, and just to show a fraction of how grateful he was for _y/n_’s presence in his life, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. It was chaste, and he pulled away before he could get ahead of himself.

Aaron was gone before _y/n_ could even fully register what had happened. The bell at the door told of Hotch’s departure, and _y/n_ could have screamed out of desire or despair at how the night had come to a quick conclusion. But she didn’t. _y/n_ knew how important Jack was to Hotch. Everything else but his son was at the periphery of Aaron’s life, and Jack was at the center. As _y/n_ settled back into the loveseat, now alone, she contemplated how yet again any plans or revelations of their feelings had been dashed. But _y/n wasn’t mad about it. _y/n_ had to remind herself that for the half hour, they had been together that night, Aaron had allowed her to see more of himself. And he was, as _y/n_ expected, as good a man as they came. _y/n_ thought, “How often does a girl really get to see a good man?” It was a pleasure, even if it was for just an evening.

The final few days of December passed in a wave of the hand. _y/n_ had asked Aaron if Jack was alright the morning after their night on the town, and he’d said that the fever had broken in the night and that his son was on the mend. Aaron had asked _y/n_ in the same text exchange if she’d gotten home okay after his sudden departure. She had told him that she’d called a Lyft soon after he’d left to get home. And then, before _y/n_ knew it, she was packing her bags for a long weekend at one of Derek’s properties on a lake outside the city limits. She was carpooling with Emily and Garcia. _y/n_ had heard that Morgan’s New Year’s Eve parties were times to remember and she was finally going to experience one for herself. _y/n_ was already excited to be spending time with her friends, but when Emily said, “You know Aaron’s coming too? He apparently called Morgan last minute and asked if there was still an empty bed, _y/n_’s jaw dropped. _y/n_ quickly composed herself and said, “Well the more the merrier.” Em rolled her eyes and said, “The more the merrier my ass, _y/n_. You know he’s just going there for you. When are you going to catch on that he’s in love with you?” Penelope agreed from the backstreet and said, “Honestly. _y/n_. He’s been making googly eyes at you all year. And what was that with him taking you out after the Holiday Party? Do you see Hotchy doing that with anyone else?” _y/n_ sighed exasperated with her friend's encouragement. She half-heartedly said, “Well, he could have been.” this had Garcia and Prentiss cackling and Penelope said, “This is the time, _y/n_. I swear. If it’s not, I’ll pull Hotch aside myself and give him a piece of my mind.” Despite _y/n_’s friends banter, _y/n_ felt reluctant. None of the other times seemed to work out, and she didn’t see how this was going to be any different.

As Morgan’s lake house came into view, _y/n_ tried to let everything go. Whatever happened would happen, and she planned on having fun no matter how the next day and a half went. The trio of women were the second to last to arrive. Spencer joined them a half-hour later. Derek quickly showed everyone to their rooms. It felt like an adult sleepover and an energy charged the air. For the first hour or so the team just relaxed and unpacked. Derek, Rossi, Spencer, and Aaron sat on the leather couches and talked about the year. Their highs and lows. They also debated which case was the most interesting from the year. As the men talked, Emily, _y/n_, JJ, and Garcia all tried on the dresses they had brought for the end of the night. As they were helping with the zippers and hemlines, _y/n_ said, “I’m sorry Will couldn’t come tonight, J.” JJ smiled and said, “Yeah. But I think it’s fine. We’ll be married soon enough and we’ll have the rest of our lives to be together. Tonight feels like the gang is back together in a nostalgic sort of way. You know what I mean?” The other nodded alone and Emily said, “I feel ‘ya JJ. What a year it’s been. But we’re all happy for you know. I think you got the last good guy on the market with Will.” JJ grinned and helped _y/n_ slip into her ‘dress.” The media liaison seemed to glow with a pre-marriage, I’ve-found-the-love-of-my-life aura even four months before her wedding day. And suddenly all the women were dressed, and they all looked at each other and complimented each other. Emily was in a sleek purple pants suit. JJ was in a fitted black dress. Garcia, as always, was wearing a bright orange tulle skirt with a pink top, plus white fingerless gloves. The tech noted, “And I’ve got about ten million little things to put in my hair too!” Lastly, _y/n_ was wearing something far slinkier than her friends. It essentially amounted to a lot of large, shimmery _y/f/v_ sequins held together with tiny metal rings. _y/n_ hadn’t worn it since before turning twenty and she couldn’t remember why she’d bought it. “Maybe for a rave?” She thought. Because the garment was so sheer, she was wearing sensible black underwear and a matching bra underneath, but _y/n_ flushed at the one time she’d gone clubbing without the undergarments beneath. That had been a fun evening.

The compliments made the rounds, and Garcia told _y/n_, “You look drop-dead good in that, _y/n_. The boys won’t know what hit them.” At the mention of “the boys,” _y/n_ looked at the ground and said, “You know I would have picked a different outfit if I’d known Hotch was coming.” The others snickered, and _y/n_ laughed too, saying, “I’m being serious. I’m not trying to look like a slut in front of him. The brief said ‘Fun New Year's attire and this is the funniest, New Years-ist dress I’ve got.” Emily moved forward and gave _y/n_’s shoulder a pat saying, “You’ll be fine, _y/n_. You look glorious. Plus you’re the youngest one here. That means you can get away with wearing something more risque. I’m just shocked you can wear something from that long ago. I’m lucky if I could pull off something from two years ago and it look good, I can’t even think about five or ten.” Prentiss shuddered at the thought, and that got a good laugh out of all of them.

A knock at the closed door, had them all look away from each other. It was Derek saying that he, Aaron, and Rossi were going to take a walk along the path that went around the lake nearby. And if any of them wanted to join them? _y/n_and Em jumped at the chance. The pair quickly changed back into their casual clothes and headed out with the guys. The walk was pleasant and they all just took in the fresh air and saw the trees surrounding the water. Aaron was walking a few steps behind _y/n_ and he contemplated his feelings about her once more. Even he was getting annoyed with himself. He blamed it on being indecisive in the worst possible area of his life, partnership. But he’d decided today was going to be the day. He was going to bite the bullet and ask _y/n_ how he felt about her. Even though he couldn’t picture the words leaving his mouth, he swore to himself that it was going to happen. The walk concluded, and then everyone got some drinks which Aaron happily and skillfully mixed. Then Derek and Rossi made dinner and everyone ate outside around the fire. And by that time it was already ten and the first fireworks were dotting the sky. Aaron and _y/n_ were sitting next to each other. Close enough that he could move his arm just an inch and he would be touching hers. Hotch’s eyes stayed on the sky as he asked, “Do you have any plans for the New Year?” It was too cliched to ask about resolutions, but he did wonder what someone like _y/n_ thought about the future. _y/n_ turned her gaze to him, and replied, “I don’t know. I want my apartment to feel more homey. It’s still giving college vibes if I’m being honest. I’d like to buy some better furniture, like the opposite of the stuff from IKEA. And then there’s helping JJ with the wedding, and then just going out more. Seeing the city like we did after the party.” _y/n_ felt like saying, “I’d like doing that with you,” and also, “Does this make me sound boring?” But _y/n_ couldn’t vocalize either of those thoughts as Gacia stepped out onto the patio and proclaimed, “It’s dress-up time, baby girl!” _y/n_ shook her head and chuckled. Aaron gave her a hand up and watched as she disappeared into the house. _y/n_’s list sounded just up his alley, and he wondered why he’d been putting off his feelings for so long. Why he couldn’t just man up and tell her he loved her? That he was mad about _y/n_. Aaron sighed and walked inside after _y/n_.

It was 11:15 when the girls were all dolled up with their outfits, heels, and makeup. Derek had the TV playing with the countdown to the ball drop on as ambient noise. The champagne was ready to be popped, and the new year was rung in with friends and laughter. Garcia and Derek were both oddly big about watching the ball drop. _y/n_ had interrogated Penelope about this on the way up to Morgan’s house. Garcia had just said, “It’s tradition, and you don’t mess with tradition.” Just as the group of women stepped into the light to be seen for the first time, the power went out. There was a moment of silence and then Derek said, “Really house. You do this to me now?’ That got everyone laughing, and Aaron asked, “Where’s the breaker Morgan? I’ll give it a look.” Derek told him and Hotch stood outside for a second. While Aaron was gone, Penelope and Morgan talked about what they would do about a countdown. Nobody wanted to just look at the clock. That, Morgan had said, “Wasn’t festive at all.” Aaron came back and said, “It’s not good news, the main fuse is fried.” That had Derek thinking and he announced, “Alright, change of plans. There’s a dive bar down the road. If we book it, we can make it there before midnight.” There was little complaint from the group as Morgan and Penelope hustled everyone into two cars and down the street. There was so much excitement that nobody got to see the women’s outfits until they were standing outside the bar. The space was a dive and it was packed with partiers. The walkway up wasn’t paved, so Aaron took _y/n_’s hand with his left, and even though he didn’t need to, he placed his right on her lower back. Again he felt that spark shoot through him. The cool sequins juxtaposed to _y/n_’s warm skin were doing things to him that he didn’t want to think about right now. Or maybe it was the dress that didn’t leave much to the imagination. Either of those was a good option. Inside, the team found a spot to stand and watch as the time ticked down from 11:55 to midnight. Derek joked and said, “Alright, who’s kissing who when it’s time?” Emily raised a hand and teasingly said, “I volunteer for you, Morgan.” The team laughed and then started counting down. Everyone except Hotch, who was standing a bit farther back. _y/n_ sighed, knowing he was never a big fan of crowds. She stepped close to him. Even as Aaron sought a moment of reprieve, both _y/n_ still had to stand almost body to body to avoid bumping into anyone. As “THREE, TWO, ONE” were unanimously chanted in the tight space, _y/n_ was going to try and pick up where their conversation had stopped earlier in the night. To see if Aaron had any plans going into the New Year. But she didn’t get the chance to as the call of “Happy New Year!” Hotch bent down and pressed his lips to hers.

Aaron had meant for it to be a little peck. Just something to ring in the new year with. But _y/n_ only stood in shock for a moment before she realized what was happening, and she’d waited so god damn long for this very moment that she quickly leaned into it, pressing her body to Aaron’s as her arms wrapped around him. Aaron reciprocated in kind and placed one of his hands on her hip and the other on the crown of _y/n_’s head. Holding them together like he might fall apart if he let her go. Aaron's lips were slightly chapped and his cologne, which _y/n_ knew well, crept over her like a sunray. As soon, as they’d started, they didn’t want to stop. Then it dawned on both of them, like they hadn’t been yearning for the other for over a year, that they didn’t have to stop. So they didn’t. Not until they had to pull away panting for air. And once they’d gotten breath back in them, they came together again. This time it was more cautious. More subdued as Aaron began to memorize the shape of _y/n_’s soft mouth pressed against his own, _y/n_ made a small contented sound that only he could hear and smiled as she placed her hands on his chest. _y/n_ his body in a way that indicated an intimacy that had always been there between them. The rest of the team watched them with Garcia saying, “About time. My god, I thought I was going to have to lock them in a closet together later tonight.” Rossi joked and said, “Well, there’s still time to do that later,” as he came back with a handful of champagne flutes. Dave handed one to each member of the team and then walked a pace over to _y/n_ and Aaron. Hotch was looking into _y/n_’s eyes but stopped when he noticed his friend. Rossi smiled and said, “Alright you kids. How about you take a moment and join us for a toast?” _y/n_ flushed, but nodded taking a glass from Rossi. Aaron chuckled and got a glass himself. He never let his hand lose contact with _y/n_’s side as all three walked back to the table. Rossi gave Aaron a strong pat on the shoulder as they moved to the group and winked at _y/n_, which only made her flush further. Hotch didn’t even care as the whole team's little “oohs and ahhs” sounded at their return. Aaron realized that scrutiny or affection didn’t feel so bad with _y/n_’s hand in his. He realized with full clarity that she’d been there all along, and he’d just not moved his hand to meet hers. He’d tell her he was sorry for that later. For stringing her on so long. He’d tell her he loved her more times than he could count too. But for now, as everyone lifted their glasses saying “Happy New Year!” The future never looked brighter.

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