#ive been feeling so off lately
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Consoling cinnamon roll 🥐
Shop, Patreon, Commissions: linktr.ee/mezzy
#klance#voltron legendary defender#klance fanart#lance mcclain#voltron#keith kogane#laith#ive been feeling so off lately#might be just burn out like you are working and creating trying to put out so much but it's never enough?#my regular inner call to fall off the side of the universe is back#ill catch up tho#at least it motivated me to finish this sketch from 2022#have an awesome week tumblrs
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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I’ve been so busy with other stuff but I really want to get back to drawing WHF art so I went and cleaned up a wip. Not sure how I feel with some of the angles but I just needed to get this out of my system
Based off of this clip
Click for better quality
Check my pinned post to see links on how you can help the people in Palestine
#mcart#we happy few#whf#uncle jack#jack worthing#whf uncle jack#nick lightbearer#norbert pickles#whf nick lightbearer#is this lightfog?#yeah it is ngl so#lightfog#listen any ship art I make usually nine times out of ten it’s nothing romantic it’s usually shitposts like this#but the subtext is there#and this is toxic yaoi anyway ain’t no way they’d have a proper romantic relationship#their dynamic compels me though#it would work more in his foggy jack form but also I think it would be funny if this is how jack acts to him in his uncle jack form#just slightly unhinged#anyway uhhh if you’re still reading the tags uhh mayhaps you’d like to send me a request for a whf art idea?#gonna be honest I only have so many ideas I want to do but I feel like I need to be motivated so#it would be so awesome. it would be so cool#read my pinned post though and take into consideration for that cause there’s just some things I won’t do so I may end up rejecting an idea#would like to draw something with uncle jack cause like lately ive been trying to draw him but been having the hardest time idk why#he just looks off in my artstyle rn so maybe if i get a request id be able to lock in#anyway uhhh thats it
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lately i’ve been feeling like this a lot,
i don’t want to make the art people followed me for. i want to turn hockey players into furries.
#incoherent turtle noises#its so nice ive been so creatively fulfilled lately. feeling like im the most powerful girl in the world <3#this is like. very typical though. you can track these cycles throughout my whole life. the high will wear off same as everything else#but ill ride it through and have fun :3 if you’ve followed me for long enough you should know the drill by now lol ✌️#anyway. lunch break over </3 but hockey tonight ‼️
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can tell the pain induced lack of sleep is getting to me because i just got emotional over the somber feeling of a heating pad losing its warmth
#like the sensation is sad idk how else to say it#also side note that ive been going to doctors and being medicated for this pain since i was a teenager#and like there are things i struggle to do or avoid because of it#and like times it wakes me up and such etc etc#but it was only after my last doctors appointment that it sort of occurred to me and i had to check with my mom#like straight had to ask ‘wait do I have chronic pain??’#she looked at me like i was crazy💀💀#the answer is apparently yes btw#which - rude no one even told me😒#like how was i supposed to know????#i thought it was like idk bad normal pain#but my family keeps trying to tell me ‘normal pain’ isn’t a thing#which like??? surely not?? everyone gets aches and pain and. the like??#really been coming to some health revelations this year#and heating pads are with me through it all😌❤️#just wish it didn’t feel like they were passing away in my arms any time they shut off💔#sorry for the rambles againnnn#sleeps been weird lately and i just get so bored waiting on it😪
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#mavaniart#gravity falls#aromantic#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#this is meant to be entirely platonic btw. in case you were wondering#ive been feeling very strongly lately about aromanticism and luckily i had a guy to draw so. yea#uh. anyway. ignore the one million style changes n shit this took at least one full month#of me workong on it on and off. until i just ran out of juice lol. so yea#im glad people have their fun with shipping. in my mind this guy is so aromantic hes pulling pussy he doesnt even want
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playing around with brushes idk
#horribly off topic but whoever came up with fucking wingless pads i hope they suffer eternally they suck so bad it actually pisses me off#okay back to normal stuff i only ever use that fake ms paint brush which means im used to basically just pixel art but big all the time..#which. is basically what the one i used for bill ended up looking like cause when i resized it the lineart fucked up but the brush i was#using had a. chisel? is that the word idk#but idk ive been feeling more sketchy with shit lately so this was fun#also the shading brush i used for normal ted is really nice.#most of them are brushes i found on ibispaints featured list but uhh the evil ted ones just the default stylish brush#i need to go back to painting i love doing that….#doodles#bill and ted#bill s preston esquire#ted theodore logan#evil ted#sorry for flooding the bnt tag. again.#christ thats a lot of words. sorry also for talking too much in the tags
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#i just need to vent abt this ok pls don’t yell at me or tell me im being ungrateful#but tfw u have almost 500 asks sitting in ur inbox and u literally don’t know what to do with them😀#the guilt that eats away at me because im not getting to what people say to me gets so bad sometimes#like you guys all have such great things to say and i want to be able to respond but there’s just such a large volume i get overwhelmed#and ive been so busy lately they’ve piled up bad#and ive even been missing ones from mutuals which i feel so bad about#im so sorry guys i really am like pls don’t abandon me im sorry ANDJJJSJ#and i just like. esp my regular anons i feel bad because i don’t mean to ignore you but stuff just gets lost#and the worst part is that if im spending hours on asks then im not writing fic#and im so behind on fic too#so. im not excelling in anything currently msdnskdjskdjskdjskdksks#el oh el#sorry i just needed that off my chest#i love u guys i appreciate you all seriously#delete later#🙏🙏🙏
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me to my coworkers: when you request time off, you should not give the assistant dept head any additional info on why you're requesting it, it's none of her business and may be used against you
me requesting time off after my requests keep getting denied/overlooked the past few months: telling kelly explicitly that this one is an oncology appointment bc i want her to feel bad :)
#messages from the ouija board#sadies day job#to be clear it IS an oncology appointment im not lying i just want her to feel bad for me also#like yeah this is why ive been making so many requests lately :) i know u think im difficult & ur a dick about chronic illness to me & tim#but a mention of cancer WILL scare u into feeling bad about it :)#also i dont think i have cancer but i had to do a genetics screening for top surgery stuff bc of a family history of breast cancer#and the results came back and the geneticist was like 'hey so if ur already transitioning its a good idea to talk to a specialist about#a hysterectomy bc ur cancer risk down there is pretty big.' so now off to oncology we go!
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i have been condemned to work on christmas fucking eve despite working an office job and literally none of our clients being here can u guys send asks so i can be distracted out of seething about it all day
#frankly my job as a whole has been pissing me off lately#ppl are putting in 'complaints' abt me that are genuinely literally baseless#like as in someone complained abt me being 'not attentive' and when i asked for more details it turned out the guy#assumed i was going to do a bad job w smth and preemptively complained that i fucked it up. even tho i didnt and my boss agrees i didnt#but my boss just hates getting complaints abt me at all so i feel like hes gonna keep 'having talks' with me as long as this guy complains#which he will bc he's already decided he doesnt like me. clearly#i got tomorrow off and then im back to work the next day. i get the 1st off but not new years eve#id take time off but i cant bc im not a full time employee on a technicality so i dont get the same pto rates as everyone else#or any employee benefits at all. and ive tried to ask to become full time and gotten a firm no#so fuck me i guess . and fuck my job i guess#im ANNOYED. talk to me about robots im begging you its the only way#juno.txt
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Jitterbug
#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it#and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago#bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall#im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot#i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T#because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks#at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better#its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh#in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats#mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year#i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping#my art#myart#doodles#personal#diary
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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christmas eve ramble tags and some pictures of me and nice things from this year that i have randomly at 2:47am on christmas eve decided to post on tumblr. like why am I posting my face idek but I just felt reflective and i always just dump my rambles on whichever blog I'm using the most 🙈 i have not thought very hard about picking these. my motivation is that i want to force myself into acknowledging that for the majority of this year i felt good. I did good things for my health, and at work, and for my friends and family (even though I am desperate always to tell myself that i have never done anything good for anyone ever.) I found a new fun thing & lovely kind fun people to help me explore it. i got to sleep with my hand on/in Henry (cat not popstar) belly fur. yes i started having panic attacks about stuff to do w my dad, and money is tight (i mean i live in syd..) and i miss my mum and sara and i maybeee spent far too much time speaking to my ex fiance until he went on some rant about family law and I got the ick for once and for all lmao - but i was happy on many occasions.
#so we're doing Christmas tomorrow on Christmas Eve#well its 2.30am so we're doing Christmas today on Christmas Eve#ive been up late making Cypriot Grain Salad and freezing packs of scallops#no not a strange chrissie tradition just the fish place i ordered from listed them as $3.50 each so i ordered 12 just as a little two bite#mouthful each along w the oysters#and they sent 12 packs of 6#which do NOT cost 3.50 each#i actually feel a bit bad#anyway i froze most of them#we didn't do a tree this year#i think last year i did the tree and needed to needed the connection to mum#but this year when i mentioned it to Imi she sighed. and its no fun on your own#so i bought a lovely Christmas Bush and ive twisted those wire fairy lights around it and some little icicle tinsel#i need to sleep for a few hours and then get up and tidy the balcony and vacuum and clean the toilet and wrap presents#can you imagine if i had been able to have kids i am so last minute its awful#oh and a friwnd who had a horrid miscarriage#sorry they are all horrid#but shes pregnant and thats really great news#and my dad was nice to me today when we talked#also i took an extra week of leave off so now im having a month#which is so nice#im going to finish two fics#send cards and parcels to ao many people#i have replies from when my mum died ive still not done#im going to clean out the grarage#im going to swim everyday and try my harsest not to get burnt#okay maybe every second day#summer!#iveet stuff w my dad take away my happiness i had for the first half of the year - also mourning Sara#but i feel a bit more in control and im going to lean in to being proud of what i achieved this year and in finding new joy
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idk which of you needs to hear this rn but today is a fantastic day to do absolutely nothing at all like today is great for napping and procrastinating and catching up on your interests and laying around and ordering in and slacking off etc etc
#here’s ur permission now go sleep or whatever else#ive had five busy days in a row and felt awful so i’ve spent all day today in bed doing NOTHING#and it’s SO nice like i want to cry about it#BUT even if you HAVENT been busy you still get to slack if you see this btw#stop living guiltily and feeling like you have to constantly be busy or productive#idc anymore take my hand and be lazy and relaxed and calm with me#im kissing ur forehead and telling you it’s okay#and if it’s really late in the day for you right now this extends to tomorrow or whenever you need it#😤😤#this post is an Official™️ slacking off free pass yours to cash in whenever#😴😴😴
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3 year old messages cannot be having me giggling out loud it is three am. Sighs. I think more than anything I just miss having the energy to text as many people as often as I used to. I miss late night conversations while barely awake and memorizing timezones and inside jokes and well okay maybe I do miss specific people. I miss the groupchats and servers and communities i was a part of... especially now when I feel such a lack of community around me.... :/
#like i have friends! but i dont really go to events or have a community to be a part of and i barely participate in events online. and its#like i want to and know i should i just try to do things and its so exhausting and i never do what i need to or have the energy#like i try to do events like artfight and other things ive signed up for but i cant physically get myself to do my part because its taking#all my strength to like. be alive and im not even doing that well. ive been kinda active in this one hsr server which has been very nice but#ive been unable to keep up with it lately so all progress has been lost and i feel like in such a big group i missed the jokes and stuff and#im too far behind to ever catch up. which isnt true but its tiring and hard and god. everythings so hard. does it ahve to be??#i miss who i was a few years ago and miss the people i was around and i feel like theyre better off without me but god. god .#i hope theyre doing well and happy and their parents are nicer to them and theyre succeeding in all the ways that ive been failing#.ares
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