#ive been experimenting w my art a lot lately so this has been helping

[jils-things]

first week of attacks for art fight so far!!!! (content warning for slight horror imagery)

@/4rachnophilia | @/artistlara | @/wisp-herr | @/beeholyshit | @/ttimecode | @/anemoflower | @/banbanswife |@/AudiieArt

[aroace-poly-show]

also a thing for you if you ever want to ramble about hw- what's emu's story for this? how did she get into illustration, and how did she meet the troupe?

RAUGH I ALWAYS WANT TO RAMBLE AND IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS TY FOR ASKING!!!! also took a while this time my bad man. the route my bus takes has very very shit internet so i couldn’t continue my draft during my ride 💔

anywayyy. good lord this is fucking long. im sorry.

for emu, i’m still figuring stuff out with her, but i’ve been thinking about her a lot more recently, and so far what i’ve got is that she has a little bundle of issues including grief over her grandpa, toxic positivity and not letting herself feel negative emotions properly, some internalized hatred of herself and how childish she is following an argument w shosuke, and generally feeling kinda lost, like the rest of hw, after wonder stage closed bc she doesn’t know what to do w/o shows. yknow.

so like. she still has her whole thing w/ her grandpa. and she while she wasn’t doing the *best* she wasn’t doing that bad in the mental health department. still wasn’t letting herself like. grieve properly. but she wasn’t the worst. she performed a lot on wonder stage and knew that the stage was in danger of being closed down, so she tried really hard to keep it from happening. but the actors for wonder stage began to leave as time went on and the ones who stayed didn’t really get why she was so persistent in keeping this stage open when the others in the park were better and shit. and she didn’t have much help. so unfortunately despite her best efforts wonder stage was kinda doomed for closure. butttt she’s not giving up yet. so she tries to convince her brothers to not close it, or at least to just give her some more time. which Does Not Go Well. shosuke gets real frustrated with her and starts yelling and shit. and while keisuke shuts him down once he gets too heated. well. it’s kinda too late. with what he said about her being childish and demanding that she just grow up already and stuff like that, my girl takes that to heart. and then with the official closure of wonder stage…yeah…she’s not doing the best…

emu’s grief here is made worse w/ the wonder stage closure. cause like. that was her and her grandpa’s favorite stage. girl feels like she failed him. she loved that stage. she loved doing shows there. it was something she had to remind her of her grandpa. and now it’s closed. :(

since then she’s been. different. like it’s just barely noticeable to a lot of people but she’s definitely changed. she smiles and acts cheery and seems like her usual self but like. her smile isn’t quite the same. she’s not quite as talkative. she avoids her brothers a lot more. and her brothers have noticed btw and they both feel AWFUL. especially shosuke. they done fucked up and they know it.

also like technically she could keep doing shows, after all theres the other stages in pheonix wonderland, and she has experience in doing shows + is related to the people who literally own the place so it wouldn’t be hard for her to join one of those stages. but she doesn’t bc after all that, she thinks her goal of just wanting to bring smiles to people is childish. shows make her so so happy but she thinks it’s immature and naive of her to still want to pursue that, especially considering she failed last time. it’s a silly and childish path to pursue, and she needs to pull her head out of the clouds and grow up already, like her brother says. so despite loving shows with all her heart, she gives up on doing them. but since shows are so important to her, she doesn’t rlly know what to do without them, so that’s where that feeling lost stuff comes in. yknow.

for her art, i just think she enjoyed art in general, and with her grief and the wonder stage closure it helped her cope. i have a very specific idea in my head of her style. but i cant remember the artist here on tumblr that i think she does art like. if i can remember their name i will though. i might actually do a post dedicated to what i think her art style is like….

not set in stone just yet, but what i’m thinking for the original meet up is that she meets nene first. nene does music and emu finds it, and it gives her some inspiration for some art. she posts it and credits nene’s music as what inspired her, and nene is so fucking honored. through some light encouragement from rui nene gets the courage to dm emu to tell her thank you, and they start chatting!! they get along pretty well and emu starts making art for nene’s music. eventually rui has the idea to start animating them, so they can make music videos for the songs, and boom hw gets its beginnings online.

this happens before wonder stage closure btw. when it does close, emu disappears from their group chat for a bit. she comes back like nothing happens and while she doesn’t tell them what happened, they both notice she doesn’t talk about what shows shes doing anymore, or shows in general. nene and rui are both very sad at this btw. seeing emu have so much love for shows and be able to talk about them like she did was really nice, so to see her stop with that and seemingly not enjoying shows anymore after something happened, just like they did, it sucks. :(

anyway i think my timeline is like. during nene’s last year of middle school when she transfers to home schooling, she starts doing music -> everything i just mentioned here happens -> eventually they meet tsukasa, and he joins the group -> hollow ☆ wonderland does its thing as a group for a while -> main story shit happens. yeah. 👍

uhhhh. dear god i’m so bad at explaining my thoughst. augh. i hope this made some amount of sense. and that i wasn’t too repetitive lsajdkhfgyfdhsj. anyway miscellaneous emu thingies now.

like i mentioned, wonder stage hasn’t been replaced yet, it’s just closed down and sectioned off. so emu still visits it all the time. there is nothing being done to maintain it. so it is absolutely unsafe. but does emu care. no. girlie wants to disappear and while she’s not *planning* on dying, if she had to die anywhere she wouldn’t mind if it was at wonder stage. she draws there a lot.

a lot of her drawings are traditional!! with lots of bright colors and crayons and colored pencils. she has lots of fun drawing.

this applies to non-au emu as well but she has gifted stickers to all her friends. nene’s synthesizer is covered in them.

wonder stage was closed off at sunset. btw. just to give her another reason to hate sunsets.

[rubyfists]

hello!!! is there an info post about elora?? their tag is super sick and id love to know more about em!

hello there!!! i do, but it mostly serves as an art gallery rn. here is the page anyways tho! it is on toyhouse, and has just basic info, but It Exists. ive been wanting to make a more detailed page but alas i am Grad Student. EVENTUALLY ill make an actual info page tho. eventually.

ill ramble a lil bit to compensate

(art by @/inksycat)

this is miss elora lavain!!!! she lives a life on the run, so she goes by a few other names as well such as maris starseeker & nerine rubystar. she is a moon elf :3 she's also a bisexual trans woman (she/her)! as for class, she is a swashbuckler rogue w/ the pirate background

elora is a dnd character i made for a faerun campaign i played back in 2018... not as my pc, but as a major npc. i played that campaign as my other oc, arahana rubyfist. elora was her girlfriend that disappeared under ~*mysterious circumstances and served as arahana's motivation to adventure. there was other stuff going on as well, but the crux of arahanas story involved chasing elora thru her past & discovering the Truth of who she rly was

cause u see elora lavain was a persona made to conceal her past as the Infamous Pirate Captain Maris Starseeker (tm). yeah she got a pretty big bounty on her head from Pirate Crimes and so after her crew was destroyed, she decided to retire. despite losing her crew she had quite a lot of treasure hidden away and decided to Retire in Luxury, posing as nobility. she relocated to waterdeep and the plan was to lay low there as long as she could until Whoops. she fell in love. she was pretty torn btwn not wanting arahana 2 find out who she rly was & her Impeding capture (she had a lot of bounty hunters after her)... and so when she left it was Already too late.

she was captured & sentenced to death, awaiting her execution in a high security prison known as the dreadvault. arahana DID manage to bust her out with the help of her friends though. and they were able to reunite!!! and reaffirm their love for eachother!!! and swear to be honest with eachother from that point on!!! and it still kills me!!!

busting someone out of a high security prison garners a lot of heat tho and so arahana & elora hid away in a cozy lil mountain cabin. during that time they worked on their relationship and eventually got married!!! they're still married and i love them to death. they are my Favorites. that's where her story ends for now!

more on the personality side of things... so ill first of all say, that eloras personality is pretty Fragmented. shes got bits of herself split up among her various identities. usually each identity is based on one facet of herself, or a fantasy, and it develops into a Character thru that. for instance, maris starseeker is Definitely a power fantasy and is a pirate queen thru and thru... while elora lavain fits more of the Princess Role. her ability to Fully immerse herself in these roles helps her evade capture cause she is able to present herself as a Totally different person to most ppl. however, if you know her well enough, there Are consistencies. for example, elora is generally pretty extroverted. she's the kind of person that draws attention, and is a Born Leader. she is confident, bold, fun, flirtatious, ambitious, competitive, and adventurous. she is pretty charismatic as well! she is also a compulsive liar, as she's so use to having to Lie about everything that she is that its just Natural to her at this point. she's also crafted a life where she doesnt rly have to deal w/ hard emotions, so she's able to give an air that she is Above it all when really shes just bad at dealing w/ emotions LOL. she is the embodiment of this

only walking out means completely leaving the area and creating a new identity. #girl

anyways this is. a lot im so bad at summarizing shit but i think this serves well enough as a primer into the Elora Lavain experience. she is by far my favorite oc and is my Everything girl. and thank you so much for asking about her!!! :)

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

i almost never see art w the pigtails and its like damn. i feel like kind of look.. bald without them lol?? but maube thats just because im so used to seeing myself with them that anything else feels kind of weird. im used to it now since i almost never see anything else (opposite problems fr..) but i still cant help but feel i look TOO similar to my brother without them..! which.. i actually dont mind too much, i guess. i talk a lot about him negatively but in all honesty im actually very attached to him (as a character, rather than the guy who fucked up my life.)

i like reminding myself that everyone is their own person and will never be exactly like me because i tend to forget about it, especially with .. some stalking issues ive been facing lately where my ex has been stealing vital parts of my identity just to be petty and fuck with me. but when its not malicious, i find shared attributes quite interesting.. i still think the differences are more interesting though, because everyone is so different in even the slightest things.. like even if there are shared experiences, it affects the people differently, and i think tjats cool..

i lean very heavily into .. a lot of different things, itd take forevr to list everything too since i consider all of my traits to be significant and major aspects of me so i wouldnt want to leave anything out, but i guess to oversimplify, i really like being 'cute' and silly and shit like that. i do like more "serious" and dark aesthetics too, i think its kind of a given with me considering the majority of my sources are focused around those, but i focus much more on the lighter ones most of the time. ive made a lot of jokes about my sources vs the music i listen to because theyre a good representation of the interesting part of what im trying to get at and i find them funny. eh.. i couod put a lot of words into this but i feel like i wont be able to properly .. say the thing im trying to say, so i guess im done with this specifically for now .

🪷

Ithaqua isn't at the front at the moment but I didn't want to leave you waiting. He's fronted less and less after the drama we mentioned before but I did ask and he gave me the go ahead to reply. (Though these asks have intrigued him and he'd love to attempt fronting a little more)

I explained the contents of this ask and he trusts me understanding him well enough to know how he is.

One thing a vast majority of our system finds fascinating is exactly that. The idea of how everyone is their own person living their own lives doing the best they can to thrive and survive and even if it means that they are raised to be hostile or gentle. That everyone has experiences that shape them.

It's always been such a fascinating concept. He'd understand you wanting to separate from your brother so much, for very obvious reasons

One of the things we enjoy talking about is realism. The very reality of life even the dark topics most people find themselves uncomfortable talking about. It's amazing to us that they are even so uncomfortable with the dark truths of life. But we can't judge, there are still some topics that genuinely disturb us but they are far and few between.

- ☁️ (apologies if you'd have preferred his direct response. He needed time with Alva but he too didn't wish to leave you hanging)

[thoriffix]

Can you rec some media with canon queer characters 😌

ofc!! thisll by no means be an exhaustive list but idk what youre looking for specifically so ill break it into categories

my current favs!! if u follow me u know these already lol

the umbrella academy: netflix show abt dysfunctional superpowered siblings reuniting to stop the apocalypse. canon mlm character (pansexual according to his actor) w mlm romance, canon wlw character (lesbian according to someone on the show dont rmr who) w het romance in s1, wlw romance in s2 - this is one of my absolute fav shows at the minute in general its brilliant

the magnus archives: horror podcast abt the head archivist of an institute researching experiences w the supernatural. protagonist is canonically biromantic asexual, in a mlm relationship in s5, and there is another canon bisexual character, as well as (iirc) a canon wlw couple - yall know ive been so into tma lately its so so good, obviously if you dont like horror its not for you but if you do.. 👀

sanders sides: youtube series abt a gay dude working out his emotional problems via personified aspects of his personality. all the characters are gay cuz thas what thomas is baby! - i was hesitant abt putting this cuz thomas is a person not a character lol but if u haven't seen sasi i recommend it its like free therapy but theres songs sometimes

shows!

julie and the phantoms (netflix remake): musical show abt a teen girl rediscovering music after her mothers death w the help of three ghosts who were in a 90s band. canon gay character w a slow burn romance (not yet canon bfs but s2 lets go) - its very cheesy and the musical segments can drag on a bit but its p good overall

lucifer: detective show abt lucifer abandoning his rule of hell to buy a nightclub and beginning to solve murders w the lapd. lucifer is canonically bi/pan, as is his demon pal mazikeen, but queerness rly isnt a focus of the show its more casual rep - that being said its a good show overall, if a little predictable now n then (s1-3 on amazon prime, 4+5 on netflix)

kipo and the age of wonderbeasts: fantasy cartoon set in a future filled w mutant intelligent animals, kipo finds herself lost and has to get home w the help of her friends. canon gay character as one of the mains, canon nb side character - its a rly good cartoon! lots of fun, excellent soundtrack, and the main characters are all poc which is rly nice to see

the dragon prince: cartoon abt two princes and an elf assassin returning a dragon egg to its mother. canon mlm couple, several canon wlw characters, canon nb character - i havent seen the show myself but ive heard very good things abt it!

i am not okay with this: netflix show abt a teen girl discovering she has superpowers and hating it. protag is canon wlw (i THINK shes a lesbian but i havent watched it in a hot sec), developing wlw relationship - ianowt slaps! sad that s2 got cancelled but s1 is real good its a touch spooky and theres a bit of gore/blood so watch out lol

schitt's creek: sitcom abt a rich family who lose all their money and have to move into the motel of a town they bought as a joke. canon pansexual character and canon gay character w one of the sweetest mlm relationships - a rly good witty show w excellent character development for every character!

good omens: show abt a demon and an angel trying to stop the end of the world. every celestial character in it is nonbinary, + crowley and aziraphale have a nonexplicit (ie no on screen pda lol) romance - good omens is such a good queer show none of the characters care abt gender in the slightest lmao, plus the show in general is fantastic (the book is also very good)

movies!

the old guard: a group of immortals fight an organisation that wants to capitalise off their immortality. canon mlm couple - another one i havent seen yet (i will!) but apparently very good

it chapter 2: horror sequel to It, w the main characters returning to derry to defeat pennywise for good. canon gay character in unrequited love - i only say chapter 2 because his queerness isnt referenced at all in the first film, again its big horror and theres no gay romance just gay tragedy but its a good film

love, simon: romcom about a closeted gay teen falling in love w someone over emails. do i even need to state the rep? - honestly if u haven't seen love simon yet what are you even DOING its so good proper fluffy queer romcom, the book (simon vs the homosapiens agenda) is also really good!! so is the sequel (leah on the offbeat) where the protag is a bi girl + it focuses on a wlw romance

the way he looks: brazilian coming of age film abt a blind teen boy falling for the new kid at his school. canon mlm relationship - this doesnt seem to be on (british) netflix anymore so idk where youd find it with subtitles but i rmr liking it a lot!

games!

night in the woods: 2d platformer abt a young woman (well. cat) dropping out of college and coming home to live w her parents + discovering spooky happenings in her hometown. canon mlm couple and i believe the protag is canonically bi? - i will recommend nitw to literally anyone who will listen its one of my all time favourite games, deals w a lot of mental health issues and its absolutely gorgeous w a brilliant soundtrack and rly good dialogue thats witty and serious and realistic (its on steam + switch for sure dk abt other platforms, abt 15 quid i think?)

tell me why: adventure game abt twins returning to their childhood home + findin Secrets. canon trans male character - i havent got around to buying + playing this yet but it looks really good! (its in three chapters + on steam, not sure on price)

other media!

the art of being normal: slice of life novel abt a young trans girl discovering herself. main characters are a trans man and a trans woman. - a good novel! trigger warning for transphobic actions including descriptions of a transphobic attack on the guy, and its certainly not without its faults otherwise, but i thought it was pretty good

the adventure zone: dungeons and dragons podcast by the mcelroy brothers. idk specifics but theres a lot of canon queer characters in it! - i havent listened to taz yet but i know a lot abt it, inc that its good and funny and has plenty of queer rep

theres several more i like that arent listed here but to keep this from getting just ridiculously long ill leave it there :] tried to get a range of genres and medias, hopefully theres something for you in there!

[stuckylibrary]

Group Ask 179

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Anon 1 said: (dubcon, maybe noncon?)

hi, do you know of a fic where post-ws, bucky comes in from the cold and finds steve, & they start a relationship. but towards the end it's revealed that (the big plot twist), bucky doesn't actually feel anything for steve and is only in the relationship because he thinks he has to be like steve's bucky from before the war/feels as though he has to play the role of bucky barnes and thinks that's what that entails/or similar icr exactly. steve, who thought bucky meant it, is really hurt. thankyou

Anon sent in Out of the Dead Land by orphan_account (complete | 62,707 | E)

opaline-pixie said:

Hello. I’m looking for a story that I read years back. All I remember about it was that Bucky liked being bound up. Steve took them to a cabin and instead of bondage tape he bought vet tape because it was cheaper. That and I remember a game where he blindfolded bound Bucky and surrounded him with sex toys and Bucky had to guess what they were.

Anon 2 said:

I read this fic a while back; I remember that the summary was part of a book that Bucky had written about the accident that lost him his arm (he had a Stark prosthetic, and was touchy about people liking it)? It was an AU where Bucky and Steve were both college professors, with Steve possibly an art teacher? I think Bucky and Steve didn't get on at first? There's a scene where Steve does a painting lesson for some of the professors, and a faculty event/party towards the end? Thank you!

Anon 3 said: (sex work, polyamory)

i’ve been looking for the fic where steve or bucky experiments in sex work and does a porny photoshoot that turns into a threesome w peggy on set for like an hour now and can’t find it. any idea?

buckycuddlebuddy and somesortofitalianroast sent in Push It by thepinupchemist (oneshot | 8,982 | E)

eclipseofparis said:

Hi! I hope you’re all doing well. I’d like to ask if you know or are familiar with this fic. It’s a time travel au (??) where Bucky as The Winter Soldier was accidentally or purposefully sent by Hydra to the 1930s? or 1940s? to kill pre-war Steve Rogers. Before Bucky went back, he told Steve abt Pierce. TFA timeline still happens and when Steve woke up to the new century, he acts all oblivious but in actuality he was plotting his revenge on Pierce. He did killed Pierce in the end I think?

Anon sent in Savage God by LenneWithMilkAndHoney, PottersPink (restricted, complete | 36,127 | M)

Anon 4 said:

i’m looking for a fic I read before, what I remember is bucky works at a company where steve is like the boss/ceo and steve is an ass and fires him one day, then later steve asks bucky if he wants to be in a D/s relationship with him and Bucky moves in to steve’s apartment? that’s all I remember, I hope it’s enough!

buckycuddlebuddy, miraishu, Anon, keepyourelectriceyeonme, wayward-lives, its-a-harlequinade and time-lord-no-more sent in Collar Full of Chemistry by 2bestfriends (complete | 188,111 | E)

Anon 5 said:

hi, I’m looking for a doc that I’m pretty sure is from Buckys pov and it has a recurring motif of a story about a woman going into a river. very literary, it’s like the type of story that has an all lowercase title. Hope that helps

Anon 6 said:

Hi! I’m looking for a WIP fic where both Bucky and Steve are princes. Steve comes to live with Bucky because Steve’s dad thinks it will help Steve learn how to be a better prince. I remember Thor working as the stables guy too. Peggy and Becca are also Bucky’s older sisters in this fic. Thanks!

Anon, emzy2 and possibleplatypus sent in Amaryllis by paperstorm (complete | 70,386 | E)

Anon 7 said:

I'm looking for a fic(probs 1 chap) that basically takes place in a nightclub or somewhere similar, and Bucky sees a girl with a pixie cut and black sparkly dress at the bar, goes to talk to her, and realizes that she is, in fact, a dude(Steve) pretty sure hes not trans,,, the do the dirty,,, pretty sure there's fanart in it too

Anon 8 said:

Hi, what’s that fic where Steve has to teach Bucky how to masturbate or at least just had to be in the same room as him? I stopped reading it a while ago and there’s a lot of works in my ao3 bookmarks that say deleted and I’m scared that’s one of them! Thank you

possibleplatypus sent in Need A Hand? by TeamDamon (complete | 14,555 | E)

keepyourelectriceyeonme sent in both fics mentioned in this post as possible answers

sleeplingsupernova said: (HTP)

We can't find this story anywhere anymore. It was an HTP where the Winter Soldier just got through a mind wipe and was still in the chair and a doctor was trying to give him a blow job and kept getting mad at him because he couldn't get hard. I remember reading it on AO3 but no matter what I try to search up I can't find it. Thank you so much!

Anon 9 said:

There was a story I read once where Bucky worked at planned parenthood and would escort women from their cars into the clinic, protecting them from the protesters? I can't find it and I was wondering if you guys know what I'm talking about? Thanks!

Anon 10 said:

im so sorry this is vague but im looking for a book with the cap quartet in sams house i believe? all i can remember is that bucky drags steve under a dining room table because hes trying to protect him when something makes a loud noise in the house, im pretty sure it was sam dropping a pan. thank you if you can think of it!

Anon 11 said:

Hey, im looking for a fic where steve is buckys neighbor and he has a little kid. Bucky also a kid, but he's older, maybe a teen. Bucky has a crush on steve and starts helping him out like driving him to work and shoveling his snow because he's struggling and always seems to be late to work. Ive tried hard to find it but i cant, please help!

Anon 12 said: (sex work)

looking for this fic: steve find bucky in an alley (?) and because they used to know each other he offers bucky a place to stay, but bucky thinks thinks steve wants some sexual favour in return because he’s been doing that for a while (i think he was homeless?). steve doesn’t want any of that and takes bucky to his place, i think i remember that he was rich or that it was a penthouse or smth? anyways bucky starts trusting steve again and eventually they get together. i’m worried it’s deleted 😭

cafelesbian and its-a-harlequinade sent in tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt* by Cafelesbian (complete | 198,037 | M) *rape/noncon

[videostak]

i really wanna be a different more grown adult person by new year. im not setting any goals that ill disappoint myself by not achieving or anything but def have a few things that i wanna be consistently doing by then like i wanna have my license by then or atleast just be comfortable behind the wheel. and then i wanna try to get a job for real but thats alot more in the air obviously.  and then i wanna get up early and eat breakfast more often and start the day on a good note as opposed to crawling out of bed at 1 and doing whatever it is i have to do for the day and then sleeping at 3 am lol. obv exercising is on the list too i wanna be more in shape and more consistently exercising day to day cause my stomach is really sticking out compared to the rest of me but i think im more interested in just being like fit and not getting exhausted quickly as opposed to being interested in losing fat or anything. i just wanna feel active and alive really lol. and also really this past month has made me realize that my family really is like difficult and they have alot of problems being helpful and actually helping one another. like they jump to very individualistic modes of thought when im doing smthn and ask for a small favor and i really have to get my shit all together cause it can be v stressful doing all their dishes and always having to do small chores that they could easily help w/ or that we could take turns doing its insane how much they just make no effort to be kind human beings when work has to be done. but ya theyre like that and im gonna have to be in top shape to do all the housework that they could help with but wont and if im in top shape it rly wont mean much to me and will make me feel good to do work for myself. theyre also v liek idk what the word is but they sorta make it hard for me to grow as a person so i have to push myself twice as hard i think. anyways ive been really happy lately really identifying where and how i want my life to go cause i really feel like iWasted the shit out of these past 3 years in college. i had nice experiences and met my closest friend there which was great and am grateful to have been to a community college but i had no business being there w/ the disorganized state my life was i was just kinda going cause it was expected of me. Covid obv made this more apparent but also made college way more difficult for me. Im an adult and i am happy to make decisions about my life and i hope i grow more within the coming years. theres alot of love in my heart and i have a lot of interests and passions mainly in the realm of art and i hope i can grow and become more efficient at the things i love and can enjoy everything more because of it. <3

[t0sshii]

ginhiji hospital au??

I needed to get this off of my brain and I can’t draw or write so here it goes... Ginhiji but Hijikata is a nurse working in a hospital and Gintoki is the new resident who comes off as lazy but is actually a really good doctor (which surprises our boy Toushi)

More thoughts under the cut? (I have more thoughts about hijikata because.... i have more experience there LOL)

I’ve been a working nurse for more than half a year now so I kind of know what I’m talking about? (but not really because i’m definitely still a baby nurse that’s still learning OTL) but really im a baby don’t ask me specifics

I got into Gintama super late and I have so many regrets because it’s taken over my life. 

hijikata working in either medsurg, ICU, or emergency because it’s not slow, needs great time management skills and working under pressure /but i have a bias for medsurg because that’s where i am right now... but i feel like he would definitely be the same kind of intense that some ICU nurses i know are... 

he’s definitely the type to not take a proper break at work... would probably eat saltines from the nutrition room 

reason 1: he’s too busy

reason 2: hates to go on break if he has to leave hella shit for the person covering him (so he give all his meds, clean his patients, give pain meds...make sure they NEVER call the person covering him on break) but that also means when things don’t calm down he feels like there’s never an opening for one

meanwhile he will give meds, clean patients, and do everything for whoever he covers for break 

when this happens kondo sends yamazaki to cover him for breaks because you can’t tell patients to eat their food when you haven’t eaten toushi 

is really good at putting in IVs, nobody on the unit even tries to put them in when he’s working they’ll just ask him to do it for them

a charting superuser lol

his brain... impeccable. a work of art. a pinnacle of organization. made his own because the hospital issued one doesn’t work for him

probably looks something like this

note: allows you do just quickly circle things during shift change instead of writing it all down...i would probably make past medical history section bigger though (do i use a sheet like this? no because i am... organized chaos and writing it down helps ME--but toushi probably wants to take as little time possible writing shit down) 

reads his work e-mail, even the newsletters from the hospital

kondo is nurse manager and is a very supportive one (the potlucks!!! tries his best to make sure everyone feels supported at work ; w ;) hired hijikata..

when hijikata is charge, the work is distributed evenly thank god 

also “it’s an hour until shift change and if this patient doesn’t come up in 10 minutes they’re not coming until after shift change” 

everyone asks him for help because he knows all the hospital policies

what nurse isn’t frustrated with doctors lets be real 

exhibit A: “my patient is in TEARS with 10/10 pain and the doctors have the audacity to ask if THEY TRIED TO DISTRACT THEMSELVES WITH ART?” (this is a literal conversation I’ve had with a resident before) 

hates talking to interns because he ends up having to teach them how to do their job 

hates talking to jaded attendings

only attending he likes is shouyo

used to have long hair in nursing school but cut it after his ponytail got into some shit during a bed bath 

still smokes.. kondo hates it because we’ve all seen what it’s done to our patients and you still smoke?

has tried to quit but never works out

gintoki also gets on his case about it

just imagine hijikata in those black figs joggers scrubs UGH 

in this universe they’re called digs because copyright and this is still gintama we’re talking about

these scrubs are unnecessarily expensive so he didn’t actually buy them himself ( “why the fuck would i buy expensive scrubs if i am going to get literal shit on it”).. if left to his own devices he will wear those ugly ass hospital issued scrubs

Kondo and his other friends split the price for the black joggers and a 3 pocket scrub top -- because we all know hijikata puts ALL his supplies in his pockets. he NEEDS pockets

Gintoki thinks his ass looks good in those joggers UGH 

Hijikata won’t admit it but the digs are his favorite pair they are so comfortable. still won’t buy them with his own money though

student nurses are scared of him because he’s intense and asks hard questions, really strict... doesn’t bully but pushes students and orientees really hard

but also any one who can survive being trained by him becomes an excellent nurse

that nurse that’s on top of their shit and THINKS instead of just following orders

“saw his potassium is high. can we do something about that?”

“there wasn’t continuous oxygen monitoring ordered but i put them on because it doesn’t look good. can we get an order for that” 

all the doctors trust him because he’s just so goOD

gets on gintoki’s case about looking like a bum at the hospital all the time

if he EVER catches wind of doctors talking down to his nurses or older nurses bullying the newer ones (which never really happens because kondo is a great manager who fosters a very nontoxic work culture) they will...FEEL. HIS. WRATH. 

also will not tolerate patients treating him (or his coworkers) like shit. will be more professional dealing with patients tho than with the MDs. but if it’s an MD berating a nurse, they better be ready to get their ass KICKED

Gintoki is the new resident along with katsura and takasugi in.... internal medicine? surgery? idk? 

i mostly just wanted write this one: hijikata has a patient in a pain crisis 10/10 pain, given all available pain meds, tried everything possible but still no relief. paged the new resident working with this patient 

hijikata fully expects either a call saying “sorry i can’t order any more pain medicine for this patient” or just another IV medicine ordered with no communication at all 

but gintoki comes into the patient’s room (first thing hijikata notices is unprofessional hair, wrinkled jacket, mismatching socks and thinks this doctor is going to be lazy AF), speaks to the patient with great bedside manner, talks to the patient about pain management strategies and WORKS WITH THEM for a better plan for medication. walks with the patient in the hall and even takes them to the bathroom 

hijikata is FLOORED. because this never happens with MDs.

(this has actually happened and me and all my coworkers were SO PLEASANTLY SURPRISED)

hijikata once sent gintoki a message asking if he wanted to lower the dose for a medication because the lab for it was high 

gintoki thought he was the pharmacist because hijikata is just that good

likes the sound of hijikata’s voice on the phone so he always returns his pages even if it’s just to say “ok i’ll put the order in” 

secretly gets excited when he sees hijikata’s name on the chart under the care team 

one because he’s hot

two because he’s a good nurse

actually learns a lot from hijikata

gets to know hijikata’s bad break habits and gives him a coffee whenever he notices he’s working (but is absolutely disgusted when he brings out the mayonnaise)

“how can you tell your patients to be healthy when you put that shit in everything you eat?” 

hijikata counters with “you can’t tell me what to eat when you’re on your way to diabetes asshole” 

tries to be the kind of MD shouyo is 

being in healthcare is hard so the two of them do drink together if their days off line up to vent....

hijikata complains about dumb MDs (gintoki makes mental notes on how to not be an annoying MD), how busy his days are, and why are we always understaffed... how can we run out of IVs? 

gintoki complains about all the calls he gets, how stressful residency is, why are rounds so early, that midget takasugi, the long ass working hours, being on call fuckin sucks

both bond over sharing crazy stories about patients or how their day went....also hospital complaints because what healthcare worker doesn’t complain about their hospital 

get into “who’s job is more stressful” arguments a lot

on particularly hard (emotionally, physically, mentally) days the other would show up with a bag of food and drinks? 

when the two start dating, it’s usually just... hanging out at work? 

if somehow by some miracle, they get their breaks together (if at all) they eat together

if they do have days off together they usually spend it sleeping (literally you guys) or relaxing at one of their apartments

sleep deprived healthcare workers lead to many....petty...arguments but they make up by the end 

it’s late and i have more thoughts? but i have work tomorrow. but i needed to get this OUT OF MY BRAIN.

also feel free to message me about any of this!! :) asks are always open hehe

[fairycosmos]

hey whats good!! i see that ur very friendly and give such wholesome advice on here and mine is pretty basic and repetitive but whew. my mental illness has been preventing me from thinking positively about the friends that i have. like i'll get a text or a snap from a certain person and my brain will just be like "here are reasons why you should hate this person" for no reason and its like. so annoying ALSO you have any advice in finding friends to hang out w? ive been so lonely this summer

hey GOD you're so lovely aaaaa!! so sorry for the late reply to this but i'm a bit stuck because i,,, literally don't have any friends anymore?? so i'm not really sure how to advise you on that front bc meeting new people and stuff........ idk how to do it myself. feel like we're just in the same boat. bouts of loneliness are normal to an extent and can be utilised to result in self growth and reliance. don't worry too much, there's always a way to find a genuine connection again, even if it's not immediately apparent. i've heard taking classes (art, writing, sports, music, language, whatever you want) in your community is a good way to get in touch with a lot of people who have similar interests to you. which makes the initial conversations a lot less awkward. seems like sort of a weird/sudden idea but putting yourself out there n allowing vulnerability is vital. and always remain open to the idea of meeting friends of friends and interacting with bigger groups of people. it's rare to really click w someone instantly but it does happen and just cause it's not right now doesn't mean the experience isn't out there waiting for you! as far as the initial problem goes though....... gosh, i'm sorry you're dealing w it my love, i know how hard it is. i think you just have to always remember that your mentally ill brain is constantly spinning you a false narrative bc it WANTS you to isolate yourself so you're easier to control. it's a part of the self destructive pattern, not something you should trust. these random discouraging thoughts are a tactic your mind is using to give you an incentive to engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms :/ it's really hard to actually see it when it's happening but just working on going against those harmful urges and increasing your self awareness could do wonders! for example next time you think 'here are the reasons why you should hate this person' acknowledge the thought, but then try to ground yourself in reality and look at all the logical reasons as to why you actually appreciate their friendship and presence in your life. or if you get invited out, and that part of you tries to convince you to stay home, push yourself to socialize anyway even just for an hour or so. of course overcoming this sort of thing is sort of a grueling process and it's alright if you get confused or frustrated at times, that's to be expected. but there's no rush and searching for real friends is a lifelong process for everyone. as long as you know that carefully navigating interpersonal relationships, while difficult, is always worth it in the long run. bc friends are a priority and a great addition to our lives if they are genuine. look, essentially rewiring your belief system and letting love into your life is a lot easier said than done but it's not impossible bro. i promise that where you're at right now isn't where you'll always be and you are going to get through it one step at a time. also this is obvious but if you're currently not getting help for your mental illnesses and it's an option i'd really encourage you to do so. cause talking to a professional on a consistent basis could cause you to realise why you're so averse to your friends, which is the first step towards leaving the habit behind. so even if you just talk to your parents or someone you trust about possibly reaching out for additional support, that's still a step forward and you won't regret it. no matter how afraid you feel in the moment. ANYWAY i hope you're alright and that you know that you're deserving of love and companionship!! i swear. no matter what your brain tells you, people are lucky to know yy!! sending a lot of love to you, let me know if you want to talk more about it. i'll be here 💘

[bfknj]

tags masterpost (?)

I was tagged in a few tag games over the past few days and instead of posting them all separately I decided to just put them all on one! If I tagged you feel free to do any or all of these (including people who tagged me!!) As always, don’t feel any pressure to do any, I just think these are fun and wanted to share :)

- - - - 11 questions tag - - - -

Rules: 1. Make sure to post the rules!! 2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. Write 11 questions of your own. 4. Tag 11 people

these questions are from @moonmyun !! michaela you had me stRUGGLIN OKAY YOUR QUESTIONS WERE HARD but ily still bless you for the tag you angel :”)

1 who is your bias group? why?

BANGTAN SONYEONDAN AKA MEME SQUAD !!!!!!! honestly they just make me so beyond happy wow holly nobody ever says that about their favs ur original a LOOOT of music is centered around love these days and not to say bts doesn’t do that with a lot of their music but they also tackle a lot of societal issues and I really respect them for that. From 21st century girls w politics, spring day mv and the ferry sinking, suicide in the I need u mv and many other things I feel like they take risks for the sake of portraying what they hold true to their hearts/morals not necessarily what will sell best and I can’t name many other groups who do that as well :( also my boys cute af I love those dweebs IM SO WHIPPED HAH

2 which kpop video do you find the most aesthetically pleasing?

this is hard :(( idk my number one but I really like seventeen hip hop unit’s check in, red velvet’s one of these nights, ladies code’s galaxy, kim lip of loona’s eclipse and crush’s fall ! they don't all match my aesthetic but I feel like they match the songs really well!!! watch them okay 3/5 of them are hELLA UNDERRATED bye

3 if you could instantly learn one choreography, what would you pick?

something by either gfriend or bts?? love whisper or not today or blood sweat tears?? OOOH or red flavor by rv!! tbh though I’m really skinny so my limbs look weird af with a lot of dances rip

4 who do you look up to as a role model (in the kpop community or not)?

there’s no person in particular that really sticks out but I will say I’ve always admired jungkook, and really all trainees for that matter, who leave their families to start training really young because its a process thats hard physically, emotionally and mentally for late teen/early twenties trainees but there’s sO many kids who enter in their pre-teens and idk how they survive also I realized this doesn’t answer your question at all I'm sorry its 1:28 AM I’m just waiting for the DNA mv to drop

5 whose concert would you go to if you could and why?

DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 DAY6 !!!!! THEY INVENTED LIVE SHOWS DONT FIGHT ME ON THIS or shoot maybe dean or crush or heize?? I LOVE TOO MANY TALENTED PEOPLE also I would say bts but although there are countless amazing beautiful armys there are def some crazy scary ones that are known to be horrible at concerts so

6 if you could pick one idol to be best friends with, who would it be and why?

OK YALL IVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT IN MY DAILY LIFE SO S/H TO MICHAELA FOR ASKING ILY either boo seungkwan or ahn heeyeon!! I feel like hani would be so fun to have girl time with bc I feel like we’re really similar in some ways ?? IDK I LOVE HER bUT overall I’d say boo seungkwan because istg we are 100000000% the same person only he has a weenie ok just trust me I am boo and boo is me

7 would you want to be a part of a kpop group if you had the opportunity to be?

I’d absolutely love to be in the entertainment industry and I think the staging, costuming, group dynamics and publicity (variety shows, fan service/interations) in the kpop industry are all really cool but I honestly don't think I have the mental strength to do it lmao idols go through so much and I don’t think I could handle it regardless of how much I enjoy singing/dancing/performing etc.

8 what languages do you speak, and which do you want to learn?

english and some spanish??? I understand a lot because quite a bit of my family speaks it but my conversational skills have gone downhill recently because I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to practice :( with that said, I’d like to be fluent in spanish and - BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME READ IT ALL OK - I’d like to learn korean BECAUSE!!!!! when I was little before I moved I would go to a farmers market by my house and a lot of the older ladies there spoke korean and little holly though it sounded so pretty and I always wanted to chat w them ok THATS WHY I’m not a creepy koreaboo this has been a thing since before I even knew what a kpop was ok bye 

9 what song cheers you up when you’re sad?

fire by bts bc I get hella turnt to that song its a pROBLEM also jackpot by block b, baby/puss in boots by astro, chained up by vixx, not today/bst by bts, knock knock by twice, i think I love you by sonamoo THE LIST GOES ON I HAVE A WHOLE PLAYLIST OK

10 what things do you associate with your bias?

dimples!! pretty hands, closing one eye in selcas, ootds, happiness so cheesy ik sORRY, ryan, studying, awkward dancing, open mouth laughs, second hand embarrassment, sentimental rants

11 what’s your favourite thing to do in your free time?

cry over namjoon tbh I’m one of those people who is constantly listening to music so I’m always doing that and singing along regardless of if its free time or not HAH then I really like reading and catching up on my youtube subscriptions

my questions!

what is your dream job?

favorite book of all time?

what is your current fashion like and what is your dream fashion?

if your best friend was cloned, how would you know which one of the two was your best friend?

what song got you into kpop?

which idol do you think is most similar to you?

favorite kpop lyrics?

if given the opportunity to collaborate with any group/soloist of your choice, who would you choose and why?

what is your favorite physical and character trait of your ult?

which underrated groups/soloists do you believe deserve more recognition? any song recs?

do you read fanfics? if so, what are your favorites?

- - - - song title game - - - -

I was tagged by @kihani, your song choices were 12/10 

rules: spell you your url with kpop songs and tag ten people! (all of these happen to by song recs too so listen nd be happy friends)

mysterious - hello venus

i think i love you? - sonamoo (a fav ok listen pls)

life in color - beenzino

knock - knk 

jelly - hotshot

only u - daze

out of sorts - vixx

night rather than day - exid

she’s a baby - zico

- - - - get to know me tag! - - - -

1ST RULE: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true. tagged by @sleepysugarmoon, thank you friend!! APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses (or contact lenses) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people  People tell me that I’m funny   Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument  I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month Fandoms are my #1 passion  I do or have done martial arts EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I have had a teacher with the last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year

tagging some mutuals bc ily and why do you even follow me I'm a wreck tbh OK i tag: @kihani, @21jd, @lapatronakim, @94seulqi, @gayoongi, @springdqy, @medina-kim, @15minss, @je0n, @cottontae, @taebaeul, @booty-baekery, @lalisl, @babekhyun, @voidpjm and anyone else who wants to try any or all of these!! 

[mrsashketchum]

To the people calling you out for not posting that much lately: don't listen to them and don't let this affect your happiness Mak!! ;o; This is awful and toxic and every sane person knows that you also have a life beside your blog, in which you don't have time to draw - this is totally normal! Other things might get in the way, art blocks hit you like everyone else or just a busy schedule, this is perfectly alright and normal. I think it's uncalled for that people give you shit for that

“I also think that you post pretty regularly, when I take myself in comparision, you really put out one piece after another out there and that’s amazing! You do so fine with your work, people shouldn’t get their pants in a twist when you happen to not upload something in 2 weeks because school and test and exams are happening and you have friends and family that probably also want attention and you just doing other things.

It annoys me that people don’t give you the respect you deserve for all your hard work, let me tell you that you’re a bright sunshine on my dashboard whenever I see your art and I’m so proud of you how far you came already! Don’t let this drag you down, block these people who says mean things that puts you into a terrible place feeling-wise, it usually don’t get better from here on out, that’s my experience at least. :( Love you and your hard work! ♥

Also please take care of yourself and don’t rush head first into a bunch of work, do it all in your own pace and never forget to have fun. ♥ It’s something you do in your free time after all and when it all feels like a chore, you will be discouraged and what’s left then anymore? :c”

((i dont know how you look like recently?? but i saw a few of your posts of your face a while back so i based it off of that?))

a huuuuge chunk of replies for @eisschirmchen in the keep reading, but basically: I will definitely come back with arts, but not too regularly, of course. 

And guys. Follow Eis​. She’s the purest being. Love her art and her posts. I hope you guys take care!!!

Eis,

In response to your many asks though— just… Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I’m in literal tears.

I didn’t even expect to hear from you in a while since I had noticed you’ve been busy as well! And I do hope you’re doing well ;w; 

For your first ask, I was very disappointed with the people who called me out, even if it was not their intention, or if they did it subtly (‘you got amazing art, you should post more often! i would love to see more’ is way different than ‘where’s your new artworks?’ and i guess ive just stopped drawing for a while to stop the toxicity of it all? Like i know a lot of you love my art and mean well, but sometimes I just gotta rest. (and to all of you who supported me and commented and replied on my post- you’re all angels. i love yall.)

For your second ask, I guess i do post regularly? But it’s not like other artists either- there are a lot that post way more content than us both (but I dont want to compare right now, it’s a different story). But even if i have to wait a year for your content, I’d still appreciate your effort, Eis, and I always welcome you and your beautiful and stunning arts when they come :) I’m just glad you understand too- maybe you’ve had similar problems? I just hate to see other artists go through the same stuff. Everyone has a life outside of tumblr, whether it be work or school, relationships or family– a lot of things can happen that can hinder uploads (this took me so much time to realize– that it’s not my fault that people want to see more content too regularly, thanks to a lot of you guys for opening my eyes)

For your third ask, I will definitely take your advice! I do block some users who contain some questionable feed and toxic language/behavior. And thank you for those kind words.. ;A; coming from my senpai, this is truly news to my ears that is practically godsent. (Love you too and your hard work as well! Hope everything will be well for you!!♥)

Lastly, yes, I am taking care of myself now and taking my time- I’ve learned from my past mistakes about the crash and burn of things (e.g. my art raffle- but i might still continue it when i have the time and energy of course). I really just can’t thank you enough for your kind words… You don’t know how much they help me, especially in these times where I’m already struggling between school and tumblr/art in general.

Thank you, dear!! hope we can talk some more when we gots da time. :) bless your soul ♥♥♥

[bluinary]

Tagged by @annieleonhardt

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

me phone

wallet

Keys

fidget cube

notebook and pen

Five Things In My Bedroom:

posters of shows ive been in

lots of books

clothes, everywhere

assorted half-filled notebooks

bottles filled with positive notes from others

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

Become 100% fluent in Japanese

Learn to play the guitar

Finish a multi-chapter story (almost there!)

Be a mother

Become a teacher

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

My friends. You all know who you are. <3

Acting/ performing

Working out

Pokemon (and, of course, assorted anime. Armin Arlert, specifically.)

Expensive coffee

Five Things On My To-Do List:

Get a new job

Become semi-fluent in Spanish

Finish Icarus & I

Pack for college/ clear out my room for storage

Shift my life across the state of Texas bc school

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

I’ve been in theatre for two years (Varsity class for one year), and have been in 6 shows, four mini acting gigs for the public, and led one musical (Cinderella. A crazy show, that one.)

I have bipolar disorder and ADHD, and have lived a large chunk of my life in a large, incredibly dysfunctional family. Living with it and them has been a work in progress. I think college will do me some good.

I was in Varsity high school choir these past four years, and was the President the last two years. Got perfect scores in our annual competition, as well as regional and state Solo & Ensemble competition! Should get my varsity jacket in a month or so.

I may come off as intelligent, but I can be exceptionally airheaded IRL. I’m not nearly as knowledgeable as I make myself out to be.

I write songs, and half of them are raps. Performed one, recently, at a showcase, and it got great reception, which I’m really proud of.

Name?: Julianna

Nicknames?: Juli (what I go by), JuNANA, Jul, Jewel, Julia, Julio, Julius, Buli

Zodiac?: Virgo

Sexual Orientation?: Bi

Ethnicity?: Black, white, an insignificant percentage of Choctaw

Favorite Fruit?: Apple

Favorite Season?: Fall

Favorite Flower?: Either carnations or roses (basic, I know)

Favorite Scent?: Vanilla/brown sugar

Favorite Animal?: Orca whales. they’re so cool

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: Coffee, def. Tea, if I feel like treating myself.

Cat or dog?: WHY NOT BOTH

Dream Trip?: hOOOO BOI do i wanna live in Japan. The culture seems so parallel to ours (U.S.); I think it’d be good for me to experience it. On top of that, I’d love to live in a place where you can just walk everywhere.

Number of Followers?: 424

What do I post about?: LOTS of snk, good chunk of Miraculous and Gorillaz, plenty of memes, and, mostly and specifically, Eremika, Armin Arlert, and Aruani

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: Not really. People have been messaging me about my writing, occasionally, though, so that always makes my day.

Favorite Band?: Gorillaz.

Aesthetic?: Old books and classic plays, tea/coffee, bodies of water and forests of trees, sunshine OR rain (either is great), sketches among poetry, laughing so hard your stomach hurts, singing in the shower after an hour-long workout, 90′s anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion, lofi hip hop, vaporwave (its all over the place, I know)

Fictional Character I’d Date?: Hoo boy. Eren Jaeger got me thirsty, but honestly? Personality-wise, Avatar Aang (in his late teen years, of course). I feel like we would click.

Hogwarts House?: Gryffindor w a capital G

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else (used to be, anyway)

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi (does Uber count?)

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone (technically, now, I do)

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone 

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

I tag @gg-swiggity @swinsword @thecrowsare-watching @psychedelic-memes @fulloffckingsins @spoilerarlert @forthedying @ceruleena @lyssala @wonderinghopingdreaming @allysonarro

[transphormers]

please tell us about your ocs! i love hearing about others ocs!

Ok so under readmore cause its....quite long fdasdasf: 

Nightflare:Not a noble/towers mech but almost tbh. Has a fancy car-like alt. Very educatedand cultured and very interested in justice but he used to saw things in a veryblack&white way. Wanted to become the Cybertronian equivalent of a lawyer/judgeif such thing existed (which? Im pretty sure it did but anyway) Never reallygot around to do it for various reasons (mostly peer pressure cause most of hisfriends where the kind of rich asshole who thinks working is below ‘people likethem’ but also cause he’s a very one-track mind kind of person and he just? Alwaysfound other things he felt he needed to focus on :/) 

He met his(future) conjux, Sonicboom, when one of his friends began to act as a patronfor him and started bringing him over to their apartment complex for musiclessons and the like. He began to learn about the terrible living conditions ofother Cybertronians by listening to Sonicboom talk about his life andexperiences as well as those of people he knew. He was deeply disgusted withwhat he learnt and became quickly involved with the Decepticon movement once itbegan.

Heconsidered becoming a neutral and leaving the planet with Sonicboom once thewar started but he was way too committed to the original ideals of themovement. As the war progressed and things got more crude he began to regrethis choice but it was too late to try to become a neutral so instead he did hisbest to keep both Sonicboom and himself alive.

Once thewar ended and they returned to Cybertron he kind of wanted to try to be alawyer or a judge for real this time but at the same time he’s not sure if hestill wants that and just feels like its no longer his thing so he’s just kindof working on w/e he can find both to be able to live + also to feel usefulwhile he sorts out his own head.

 Sonicboom: Idkwhat alt I want him to have but I can imagine him as a radio tbh. Has a veryactive mind but tends to get lost in his own head (this got worse during andafter the war) Also very interested in culture both Cybertronian and alien,especially the arts (and especially among the arts: music) He’s Nightflare’sconjux. A really good singer and composer.

He wasquite poor in the earlier years of his life but things changed when ahigh-class mech heard him singing and decided to sponsor him and help himbecome a singer and composer (its around this time when he met Nightflare thothey took a long time to become conjux). He hates talking about that part ofhis past and he has opened to very little people about it. He became quitefamous in pre-war Cybertron but that obviously didn’t matter when the warstarted.

He wantedto stay a neutral but ended up joining the Decepticons to keep an eye onNightflare when he refused to become a neutral too. Managed to survive the warand now that there’s peace again he wants to go back to being a musician butall he has been able to compose lately are either very melancholic & pessimisticsongs about a time and dreams long gone or upbeat but actually quite depressingsongs about the war and he’s pretty sure people wouldn’t like those, so he’smostly letting time go by like and avoiding all conversations about his future andmusic like ‘haha yeah. Im working on my music. Happy music. Youll hear it soon.Haha. Yeah :) but lets now talk about me what are You doing?’.

 Mishmash:  (I came up with this Oc after having spentthe whole night reading fics so that should give you an idea of how terrible he’sgonna be. Anyway)

Some ‘backstory’ofhis creation: idk if you know but there’s this idea in fandom that bots can mergetheir sparks and that’s seen as smth very intimate to do with yourconjux/bestest of friends and its like?? The Ultimate Form of Connection™between 2 mechs and while they are at it they can like? Share memories &feelings & communicate without barriers or w/e and idk ive always liked theidea tbh and I wanted to use it somewhere in a fic but since im an awful littlegoblin who loves angst too much for her own good I had to make it sad.

Problem is,I couldn’t think of any Canon characters I could fit in the already very clearand sad scenario I had in mind so I decided to just use two nameless ocs (All Iknow of them:One was a flyer the other a grounder. They were amica. Almostbecame conjux but someone else came along. Never really regretted not becomingconjux tbh). 

Anyway, the scene I had in mind was, in a few words:

These 2 robots are fucking around investigatingsome place far from the city when smth goes awfully wrong and they both getreally hurt. One of them takes the worst damage on their frames and the otheron their sparks and knowing that they are most likely end up dead they decideto merge sparks one last time, to both comfort the other and themselves inthose final moments u kno?. (And here’s where things get weird(er)) While beingmerged and as their sparks die smth happens and?? Somehow?? Both sparks fullymerge creating a ‘new’ one, which gets into the frame that’s less damaged one(the flier) managing to survive. A while later some other bots find these 2bots and quickly take them back to the city where they focus on fixing the onethat still has a spark.

And oncethey are done said bot wakes up, problem is: he desnt?? recognize the name he’sbeing called? Or rather he recognizes it but he doesn’t feel like its his? Andhis head is a mess cause he is remembering some events from two different povs?+ there’s smth wrong with his frame cause he?? Doesn’t feel like it’s the rightframe but it isn’t the right one either? Basically everything is very confusingand the poor bot ends up running away from the medical bay he’s in causeeverything is too much. Everyone else is quite freaked out too cause they knowthis bot and its obvious that smth isn’t right with him??cause not even hisvoice sounds the same???

And to make things even more complicated one ofthe original bots conjux comes to see wtf has happened with his conjux and hisconjuxs amica only to find this one bot who looks like one of them but…. Isn’t oneof them? Not really? It’s such a capital M Messy situation. 

So, inshort: Mishmash is a very confused and stressed pretty much new-builtcybertronian who’s just trying to find his place in the universe and, mostimportantly, find out who he is which, it’s quite hard because sometimes hefeels like himself but other times he feels more like one of the bots whosesparks made his and sometimes he feels like they are with him? Or he suddenly remembersthings from their lives and so on. + lots of bots who knew those other two botsare?? Quite pushy with him, trying to get him to be more like one of the botsthey knew and its……….. awful.

(surprisinglyenough the most accepting and helpful person is The Conjux??? Like, sure, thereare moments where he also fucks up but he’s the only one who apologizes for nottreating Mishmash like his own person and who tries to help him organize hisnew/old memories and navigate his new life the most)  

[sundrenched-smilez]

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch? 

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like   

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online. 

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future? 

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it. 

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt 

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone 

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there. 

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good. 

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay. 

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit. 

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them 

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one. 

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying. 

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet. 

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are. 

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls. 

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped. 

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit. 

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a 

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl 

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

[lipkits]

I was wondering how you're doing? I hope you're doing better I know you were going through stuff with that girl

hey thank u so much for this message, it actually made me feel really good (i feel like my blog has been dead lately :///, and i never get asks anymore). i am doing better :’)) the girl and i no longer talk and she’s blocked on like all social media platforms (number too) and i havent gotten up to deleting the pics of us together yet but hopefully i can get there soon. we ended on a rlly sour note but sometimes u just have to do what u gotta do ig :/ i took a 29 day trip to africa, europe, and the middle east w my family and learned so many things about other cultures and the world,,,, i had a lot of crazy experiences and took gr8 photos—it was incredible. im a lil sad to be back but i started taking this portfolio intensive art course to prep me for applying to schools in the fall, and its been helping me so much :) and ive met some rlly nice girls !!thank u for checking in on me and srry if i overshared omfg