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ghastlybin · 2 years ago

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Im deprived of sweet jiu, any fic youd wanna write?🫠 maybeeeee hmmm… ive always though a fic about a soldier and a nurse would be cute!

Hiya, first off, I'd like to apologize for being so slow with this and ily also OKAY let's gooooooo

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▾ Soldier! GN Reader ▾ Nurse! Minji ▾ World War 2 setting ▾ gunfire, explosions, yk… War stuff. ▾ Gunshot related injury ▾ Reader and Minji are already a couple btw ▾ stitches mentions ▾ Fluff ▾ some angst but that’s cause it’s the war ▾ Reader has plot armor. ▾ So does Minji. This is not that kind of fic lolol ▾ I tried to make it cute, considering ▾

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W.C▾ 1.8k

“War has not been kind to you.”

What a strange phrase, how it seemed to personify the war.

Speaking on technicalities, the war was a person. One mass of people, dead or alive.

Whether they were fighting back or running to cover.

The innocent and the guilty.

Even the planes over head, the guns blazing through at every hour of the day, and the explosions that cost many lives— All made up war.

If war was a person, it for sure isn’t kind. It takes what it wants, no matter the cost, and leaves the stench of death and decay in its wake.

War was a monster and taming it claimed billions of lives.

You have always been a fighter. A great one, at that. You were well respected among the other soldiers. But there was only one person you cared to impress.

Minji.

She helped out as a field nurse, who had volunteered to help the wounded soldiers during the war. You had met her before you left for the front lines, and both of you had quickly fallen in love.

“I will return to you. Please do the same.”

“I promise.”

Her words echoed in your mind every time you were out in active duty, hoping to make it through alive and uninjured so that you could keep your promise. But the bullets and explosions made your chances of getting out alive very slim.

You worried Minji would be out on the field at the wrong time and end up getting hurt before you could see each other again.

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, you began to wonder if the last time you last saw Minji, was really the last time.

Another day out in action, only this time it was worse — Somehow. It happened while moving through a village when your unit was ambushed.

Everyone fought back fiercely, not accepting defeat. You dodged bullets running from cover to cover and hoping that this would end.

Many of your fellow soldiers had fallen in battle, and it was only a matter of time before you were struck by a bullet too. It happened when you went to help your fallen ally.

The force knocked you down and within seconds of being on the ground, you could feel the stinging, burning sensation growing more intense while the chaos ensued around you.

You could feel yourself being dragged behind cover, grateful to whoever it was, but there was only one person on your mind.

Minji. You hoped you hadn’t completely broken your promise to her. There was one way to keep your promise though; Don’t die.

You closed your eyes despite your allies telling you not to. But it was the only way for you to focus and drown everything out. Eventually, the gunfire ceased, and it didn’t take long for you to realize that your unit had successfully pushed back the enemy.

“Medic! We need a medic over here!”

You were bleeding too much to still be conscious, but you had to hold on just a little longer. When you opened your eyes again, you could see the familiar figure of a woman running towards you.

"Y/N, stay with me. You can’t give up now," Minji said, her voice trembling. "We need to get you to a field hospital."

Minji began to bandage your wound and applied pressure to stop the bleeding for the time being. You watched her work through blurry vision, amazed by how gentle she handled you while still being quick, knowing you were hanging on by a thread.

“Minji…” You weakly mumbled, feeling your eyes heavy with exhaustion as the pain spiked throughout your body in pulsating rhythms.

“Yes? What is it?” You could hear the panic in her voice, and you wanted to tell her that you trust her with your life. That you felt calmer now that she was there to help you.

You looked into her eyes and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too, Y/N," she said. It was only seconds after she tightened the bandage that she noticed you were now unconscious.

―

“You’re healing pretty quickly.” Minji entered the room with a tray of food. You sat up, still sore where you had been shot.

“I don’t feel like I am.” You smiled to her as she set the tray down on your lap.

Minji took the liberty of sitting at the foot of your bed while you ate. She pondered to herself about the past few weeks you’ve been in the hospital.

“I thought I lost you.” Minji spoke up. She looked over at you and you could see tears brimming her eyes. You’ve known her since before the war and you’ve loved her ever since. There was no way you’d let the war tear you two away from each other.

“I thought I was lost too.”

Minji wiped away a tear that rolled down her cheek. “Ah. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry… Not in front of you. Not now.”

You set your tray aside and inched closer to her without ripping out the stitches holding your skin together.

"It's okay to cry. Sometimes we just need to let it all out." You assured her, slinging an arm around her shoulders. Minji burst into tears upon your initiation. You wrapped both of your arms around her as she turned into a sobbing mess on the end of your hospital bed.

It lasted about a few minutes, but you held her for the entire duration.

She sniffled, leaning into your hold. “I’m sorry, I’m acting like I was the one that got shot.”

“Oh yeah, our bullet wound is healing quickly.”

Minji cracked a smile, pulling away from you grasp and nudging you. “Shut up.”

You laughed, hovering your hand over your sutured, feeling a stinging pain when you laughed. Minji noticed and lifted your shirt just enough to check the sutures on your abdomen.

After a quick examination of your sutures, she stood up to gather her supplies.

“Your stitches must’ve pulled when you laughed. But we can actually remove them now— Luckily, you aren’t bleeding.” Minji disclosed as she set up a tray in preparation of removing you’re stitches.

You looked down at your stomach, seeing your wound that would surely leave a scar. A permanent reminder that you almost died.

Or a permanent reminder that you survived what most don’t.

You watched Minji sterilize the surgical scissors and tweezers in one of the containers of boiling water that had been prepared and preserved to be at the ready for easy access for the nurses throughout the day.

“Am I really getting these out?”

Minji took the scissors and tweezers out, drying them with a clean paper towel. She glanced at you while simultaneously opening the pack of cotton swabs.

“Disappointed?”

“Nope. Just seems early.”

“It’s been five weeks.” Minji chuckled, pouring a bit of rubbing alcohol onto a cotton swab to wipe down the tips of the scissors and tweezers.

“Time sure did fly, huh…”

Minji used a ladle to scoop a small amount of the boiling water into a cup, where she placed a few ice cubes inside to cool down the water. While the water cooled to a warm temperature, she set a bottle of antibacterial soap beside it as she used a spoon to scoop out the ice cubes.

“Are you ready? I’m about to clean it.” She warned, mixing a bit of the soap into the water, waiting for your ‘okay’.

“By all means.”

Minji smiled, pouring the soapy water onto a rag, careful not to spill everywhere. She pressed the warmed, soapy rag against your stitches, cleaning the area. You admired her concentrated expression as she grabbed a dry rag, drying the area.

“Again, are you ready?”

“Is it going to hurt?” You asked, to which Minji shook her head.

“It’s not supposed to. But please tell me if it does.” Minji met your eyes, sternly.

“Yes ma’am.”

She smirked, stifling back a laugh as she poured rubbing alcohol onto a new cotton swab, wiping down the area next.

Minji began to snip and pull up the sutures with the tweezers, followed by snipping each loop with the scissors. Minji carefully pulled each stitch out and surprisingly enough, it didn’t hurt as much as you thought. A slight stinging, but nothing painful.

After each stitch was removed, Minji used yet another rubbing alcohol-soaked cotton swab to clean the area again before dabbing antibiotic ointment over the wound area.

“And these,” she began to apply adhesive strips over where the stitches once were, “are just in case.”

“Thank you… That relieved some of the stinging.”

Minji smiled in relief, “good. Just try to be careful when you move. Getting them is more painful than taking them out.”

“Oh yeah. I will remember this next time I’m about to get shot.” You joked. Luckily, Minji knew you and your joke was able to land.

"You're safe now. I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."

“You’re my hero.” You smiled at her.

Minji let out at small laugh, nudging you. Judging by her reaction, she must’ve thought you were joking. Maybe you sounded sarcastic in your speech.

But you meant it.

If she hadn’t gotten to you as fast as she did after you were shot, you wouldn’t be alive to witness her taking your stitches out or even talk to her after so long of active duty during the war.

No. You were sure you wouldn’t be alive without her.

“I was serious,” you watched her clean up her supplies. “You saved me.”

Minji looked over at you, her eyes glistening in the sunlight that peeked through into the room.

She let out a soft sigh, walking back over to you, pressing her lips against your forehead.

“It wasn’t just me.”

“But it was just you who stopped the bleeding back at the ambush site. That saved my life just in time for me to undergo surgery.” You wanted her to give herself some credit. Even if she wasn’t the surgeon that removed the bullet fragments from your abdomen, she was the nurse that got you to the hospital and helped you recover after surgery.

“You were there for me when I couldn’t move around.” You added. She sat beside you, listening to you praise her.

“I love you, Y/N. Of course I was going to stay by your side.”

You smiled, feeling a sense of peace wash over you as you leaned forward, pressing your lips against hers. As you melted against her lips, you were grateful you survived.

Grateful that she never left your side.

"I love you, Minji," you said, your voice barely above a whisper when you pulled away, ending the kiss.

"I love you too, Y/N," Minji replied, smiling at you sweetly. "Always have."

#dreamcatcher imagines #dreamcatcher au #dreamcatcher fanfic #dreamcatcher #dreamcatcher jiu x reader #dreamcatcher jiu imagines #dreamcatcher jiu #I am hella jittery rn because i'm a dumbass so if you see typos- no you don't <3

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webslingingslasher · 8 months ago

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girl theres so many things happening in my life rn.. rmr my old crush that i ghosted and said sorry to, then told me we're all good and now we're still friends?

guess what, i saw him today!! i had an event coverage and i saw him there, we just exchanged hellos bc i was busy taking photos and he was with someone (who later on i found out was a professor and not a friend lmfao he looked like a student😭)

but yea after the event, he msged me and then we caught up with each other!! we talked for so long lolol but man.. he said me misses me 😭😭 he told me that after the time we spent back then, he didnt rly have anyone to talk to bc i was rly his only friend that time.. and then i ghosted him?? I FEEL SO BADDD i never knew he felt that way 😭 and i never knew that i was his only friend that time, i mean he does have friends yes but his closest ones are in diff campuses so :︎’( but yeah like.. wow.. 💔

it couldve been us against the world fr esp when i broke up with my ex bffs (which i also told him abt today bc he met them before).. 😞

i always knew this but it just sinked in to me that im always the person who leaves.. ive always had my reasons and i can still justify them except for when it comes to him bc that was just rly bad :( and then the thing w my ex bffs (for very valid reasons).. i'm just hoping that'll be the last time i leave someone behind..

ahaha it'd be ironic if the next thing to happen to me is someone leaving me instead lol.. im not trying to manifest it but i think it's bound to happen at one point lol thats life i guess

also.. lowkey i had a feeling he'd be there at the event LMAO we didnt even talk weeks prior but i guess i was right 🤷‍♀️ kinda crazy tho like.. whats this reconnection for @ universe haha i didnt do anything..

also also.. rmr my friend had a crush on him too? and i was very sure he liked her back haha. well im not sure, idk what happened w them but she stopped posting abt him. i think they're just friends now bc my friend's mom told her not to do anything w the guys asking her out 🙁 ig it's bc it's been 4 months since her breakup w her bf of 3 years.. she seems happy tho hahaha

and then this happened.. idk life's so crazy rn what is this lmao this all happened in a Week..

-🧚🏼‍♀️

yay!!!! the way this has come full circle and you’ve grown so much!!! i’m glad he has a friend again and so do you!

#🧚‍♀️ anon

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tc-stickerz · 1 year ago

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Dear Amberlynne.

Amber. Misstall even. "Monarch" of her own life lolol. Bet ure surprised to see this aren't you? After all I put it really out of the way. There is a method yknow? I need a way to send a letter. But i don't want you to see it. I need you to have even the smallest chance of seeing it eventually. For my heart to have enough hope to manage. But i can't actually send it to you. The small amount of dignity I've scrounged together these last few years couldn't take it. So this is the solution I've come up with. You won't ever read this thank goodness. But the chance is literally greater then 0. So here we are lol

Another reason I don't want to send this to you is because I lied to you in my last message. At the time I was telling the truth mind you. But as you know, I can fall to arrogance on occasion. Even now. The majority of it is still true. But doesn't work that way. Resolving to do better and be better is good and all. But some days you have to acknowledge that it's going to be worse too. If that makes sense. That's what encouraged me to write this. I had a bad day

I used to write these alot more in the past. But not to you. Sometimes the feelings get to much and I need the outlet and I would write to a loved one that I miss the most. It was once islandmai. But once his email account started sending errors I stopped. I'm not sure if he is alive. If he blocked me. If his account is deleted. I admit I love the idea of him more then the memory. Because there isn't much of it left. That was 18 years ago when I fucked that one up.

Then I wrote them to Sam for a short while. But I remember even left. My poor grape. I can't remember if you are a figment of my imagination or not. But ive grown to love the image of you in my head regardless.

Then the whole Dave thing happened. I wrote him for a while. Up until I got news that he had killed himself. I'm going to be writing him a letter eventually. For all times sake. For the feelings that need out. But for now I hope you can read this in hell. And know that even now I can't stop loving you either. You utter piece of garbage.

And then I stopped. Kinda. I pursued different outlets. Went to therapy. I started having my own support structure. It was built on lies. And hatred. And most of all envy. But it was the path I chose. And I deserve the consequences. I don't argue that amber. But today was a bad day. And more then anyone else, I missed you. So I wrote you a letter. I hope you blocked my emails. But im not sending this one directly to you regardless. So it doesnt matter.

Remember when I promised to be there when dog died. I think about it sometimes. I wasn't there because you wouldn't have let me. But it was my fault for ending up in that situation anyways. I wish I was there for you at that time. And all the other times you needed support but I wasn't. Whether it was due to envy. Or hatred. Or cowardice. I wasn't there. And even worse, I was sometimes the person you needed support to deal with yourself. Instead of being the support for more important things.

Do you remember the abuse I handed down on you? Thankfully never physical or sexual abuse. But the emotional abuse is sometimes the worst of it all. And you put up with it from me. For years. Long enough to make me depend on it atleast. Why was I so angry? So hateful? I know the answer now. Through alot of reflection and therapy. But I doubt you care. Regardless of the reasons, they aren't valid excuses.

I'm not sure if you were aware. That week I stayed there with you. Inflicting my presence on you in person for a while. Neglecting you in person for a while. To change up the pace I guess. One morning your father pulled me to the side. And he said something to the effect of "I know you've been sneaking into my daughter's room at night. Don't lie to me. I'm not going to do anything about it yet. But stop" now this terrified me. And even more, I felt guilt. Because the truth of the matter is, I didn't once sneak in your room at night. Should I have? Even as teenagers I knew I was sexually neglecting you. Mostly because we weren't compatible in that context. I was to hateful and unstable to be attracted to you romantically. I still tried regardless. But it wasn't until that confrontation with your father came to pass that I saw it. And then I still pretended after that anyways. For a few different reasons. But again, reasons. Not excuses. They don't fucking matter. I think your father assumed and accused me. But I was to far out of his context I think. That makes sense right? Lol

I loved you. I love you still. Platonically. Not in a romantic sense. You were my best friend. Through some of my roughest times. We pivoted it into something romantic. But we were stupid unaware teenagers. Lessons learned right? You were my support for some of the roughest parts of my life. And I betrayed that. Did you feel guilty when you heard I attempted suicide? I genuinely don't remember the order of events of that Era that well. But I hope you didn't even hear about it. I hope you grew to hate me for the lesser stuff. I accept that I probably traumatized you with that if you did hear about it. Who knows how you feel about it now but I figured I would atleast say that it wasn't your fault. You weren't even the largest factor. I had been pretending to go to college for a while. I got away with one semester. But at the end of the second semester that was coming up I had completely skipped every class. And every assignment. Every quiz, test, homework assignment. Etc. The grades were going to be released soon. And I had hard labor that I was obligated to do the next morning. And I was to depressed. So I swallowed all the pills. And my fat ass survived as you can see. Genuinely, you were a contributing factor. But even if your support was there instead of gone, the result was probably going to be the same.

I resented you at first. The arrogance was still manifesting. I hate that past me so much. You weren't the only relationship I threw away. Amber is a name in a long list of others. People I've betrayed. Neglected. Abused. Till they turned away from me. All my fault of course. And it isn't until many years later that I could see the burnt bridges behind for miles and miles. Some worse then others. Yours being amongst the worst atrocities I committed. Maybe not morally. But it was one of the worst crimes I committed against myself. I've desperately missed you and your company for years now. Amongst others. I don't think you could compare to the memory of island. Or the trauma of David. But you are the most real. Because your still actually alive. I could message your grandparents, or your father, or even you right now.

But you made it clear. You want me to fuck off. And genuinely, good on you. It hurts. A whole lot. But you don't deserve my bullshit to be inflicted on you again. The strength required is enormous. But I do have enough dignity to not stalk you on the internet. And fall deeper into my own feelings on the matter. Which brings us to today.

You won't believe who I met today. You remember Matt? I'm actually still friends with the guy. And I was traveling to Atlanta to see a concert lol. And I had the opportunity to meet the guy irl for the first time. Weve been friends since 2008 lol! It was a cool opportunity. We sat around and chatted. Family to family. I got to handle his pet snakes. So adorable. And then we went to the concert. Carr (I'm a new fan). Royal the serpent (was kinda meh but I really appreciated her song about inclusion). Bring me the horizon (was the reason I wanted to go and was absolutely amazing to see). And fallout boy (the performance was amazing but I liked their music less the more I hear it. And I've heard them alot).

Now the concert was was in the plans for months. We got tickets as soon as I heard about. I went with mom, falon, and falons boyfriend. We were first going to take some psychedelics. Some shrooms to enjoy the experience. But we decided a couple of weeks ago that we were going to experiment with X instead. Ecstacy. Basically my first "hardcore" drug. I was looking forward to it. The other 3 reacted fine. Had fun. I had a bad reaction. And it caused me to backtrack for a while. Not terribly mind you. I maintained. But ill describe what I felt.

It started cool. The colors and sounds was a bit intense and I was enjoying that. Soon I was really enjoying breathing for a while. Idk why. Drugs are like that. Then it felt like I mentally regressed back to those years. Where I was playing pretend with you. Me before the therapy. And the medication management. And years of positive changes and adulthood. I was 18 again before I made any of the progress i made this last decade. I was dragged back to my youth in the worst way possible. I was hyper aware of anything and everything that triggered bad shit in me. Usually im fine. I internalize it and take it with me to therapy later that week. It was to intense this time. My coping skills were stripped away. And there was so much around me that triggered this evil shit in me again.

If I was still christian, I would think im the manifestation of envy on this planet. I look around and I can only see things I want. Aspects of people I am desperate for myself. Because I could never be happy with just myself. Everyone else always had it better. I outgrew alot of that with age. Making it to nearly 30 teaches you some things. Just because that's how time and consciousness works. (Sorry I'm still a little high. And very tired. I doubt any of this is coherent. And fuck proofreading) but at this moment when I looked around me and saw all the things I could want but never have. Everywhere. Times 100. The heartache returned. I could wax poetic for a while about the nature and feeling of heartache but I suspect it's either something you have felt before or haven't.

I couldn't talk. If I did I would sob. And ruining my families time was the last thing I wanted. They were already worried. But luckily they didn't understand the depth of the issues I was dealing with. But I maintained. I'm good at locking down like that. I can freeze with the best. Not show anything on my face. And just be quiet. Suffering quietly is a specialty of mine. Painstakingly earned. But another skill I learned more recently is to acknowledge when you need help and have a support structure in place if needed. My go to being my best friend (my mom and sister) were out of bounds. I couldn't talk at the time. And it was to important to not ruin their night. This crippling pain was temporary. My support system came to the rescue. Brittany distracted me with tales of her new mop. Naomi assured me of my validity and reminded me of my humanity. Matt assured me I wasn't alone. And trey stuck with me for a while and let me incoherently rant via text about how broken I was. The mvp. More then any of them tho I missed you Amber.

This crippling moment of weakness brought about by reckless drug experimentation and being in an environment with nothing but triggers. The friends I still have. The ones I managed to save from myself lol. They kept me grounded. And I recovered. Tired. Inspired. Self hatred at the highest its been in years. I wanted nothing more but for you to be supporting me again with them. I didn't deserve it at all. But its what I wanted. And so im here writing my first letter in many years. I hope you find it. And come back into my life. In this moment of weakness, its my greatest wish. And its not even one that I have the strength to voice. A display of how weak I am. I've always been. I'll be better in the morning. Emotionally. It'll be a new day. And I'll continue my march. As I'm forced to. I'll still hope for you. Just enough to protect myself. But thank goodness, realistically, you will be spared of my bullshit. Because how would you find this?

Remember when I mocked you for the control scheme you used in wow? I thought myself superior because I was an elite pvm player. Raiding nights with other friends never compared to the times you and I just chatted. I know why I acted like that. Therapy and self reflection. I know myself. But it doesn't matter anymore. Reasons can't be excuses in this context.

Remember how I mocked you for your music taste? I wish I had gotten to know it better. I listen to alot of different things these days. Alot of genres. But mostly still emo like I did back then. I wish I had the opportunity to discuss these things with you now. A friendly chat where we debate the pros and cons of our mutual playlists. I want to see what you listen to now so that I can learn more about you.

Remember how I mocked you for liking Shakespeare? I still don't like his stories. But I can't say I'm actually that familiar with him anyways. But why would a difference in opinion so minor lead to me mocking you? Why was I so angry and arrogant? I know those things about myself now. More then anything I wish we were close enough that you could ask me about it. And you genuinely cared. And we could talk about it. Discussions on psychology and philosophy. But that was a timeline carelessly dashed by a very unstable brat. The worst person on the planet. For me atleast. And I sincerely hope that I wasn't a large enough figure in your life for you to feel the same. Even if I deserve it.

Remember when we were in bed together that one night? In the hotel room? You put my arm around you. A clear invitation to cuddle. Which I was never good at during that period of time. In retrospect, you were obviously insecure. As was I. At the time tho, it was a bright enough message for me to even understand. I just valued my comfort over your ego. I knew there was nothing sexual about it. Human contact was something you craved. And was reasonably expected at that stage in our relationship. I still turned away. Why? If you read this far, you will know how ill respond to that.

One time during a Skype call we were discussing why I didn't make more of an effort to sexually pursue you. I don't remember alot of the conversation. I remember being severely annoyed at it. I pretended it was ignorance and insecurities that stopped me. Because even if it was ignorance and insecurity, it was of a completely different nature then you would think. Or maybe you would. You were always smart. But I doubt you would have guessed. I asked for you to take your clothes off on camera for me. It was something neither of us wanted but both of us assumed we were supposed to at that point. But im glad you had the maturity to say no. I was a good actor during those days. Just not good at playing the very long con. I lost my silver tongue since tho. Apathy gets in the way. Something I struggle with regularly. I only used it as a weapon for harm tho. So good riddance.

I bet if we walked past each other in public, we wouldn't recognize each other. It's been a decade after all. Hard to imagine. Atleast for me. A decade. And I still am capable of loving you so deeply. I know I look massively different these days though. I've left hints in the story above. But I doubt it's even comprehensible. I've worked on summing up my experiences to a short tldr: trans child (due to nature or nurture who knows? But both definitely contribute) struggles with growing up in a southern baptist community and a string of abusive masculine figures. Resorting to anger and privilege I actively worked to harm other peoples egos. Alot of it was motivated by envy. I knew that part. It wasn't until 25 when I started accepting those aspects of myself that I would even hear about things like gender dysphoria. Or that sexuality could be something more then straight, gay, or bi. And that all of it is valid despite the religious indoctrination I was raised in.

I did alot of evil shit. Some of it to you. Amber. And I regret it. Even more, I actively resent that portion of my life. And I miss you. Alot. And tbh that probably isn't even you now. It's the you of 2010. The you preserved in my memories. But the idea of you is still so fucking beautiful and tragic.

Do you remember the day you messaged me? Randomly? I was flying over deepwind gorge. I had no clue at the time that we would have such a tragic adventure together. I was in the air over deepwind gorge on the day we met. I was in the air flying to the timeless isle when you broke up with me. So many years apart.

Fml I hope you are doing well. You sounded resentful when you told me to fuck off in that email. I sincerely hope that it was aimed at me. I hope life has been kind to you. I hope you made it this far without being as broken and jaded as me. I hope you have a new dog that you love a whole lot and I hope they love you too. I hope your scary father and you still get along. I hope you still listen to old 70s music. And still play spore on occasion. Or other rpgs. I hope you are happy the majority of the time. I hope you found someone and you fell in love if thats what you want. I hope you are successful in your career. I hope you haven't experienced any pain since we talked last. I hope I get to talk to you again one day. I hope you will never have to deal with the bullshit or the memories I inflicted on you ever again. I hope that I was a much smaller part of your life then you ended up being in mine. I hope you read this and get in touch. I hope you never read this and it all stops here. I hope this monster of a letter is an incomprehensible mess to anyone who tries to read it. A drugged up speech on trauma and human nature that no one gets. I hope someone reads it and gets some sort of value from it, the distorted ramblings of an occasionally broken human.

Maybe ill write again to you here. But I hope the cracks don't grow enough for me want to. Regardless what the future holds though:

Love,

Stickerz

#transgender #platonic #love #resentment #depressing shit #envy #ramblings #incomprehensible #hope #regret

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oatmealcrisp-freak · 3 years ago

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Bestie the last thing we need is for you to irreparably damage your hand drawing Saiki K fanart. I’m sure it will still give slay and yass and all those other words the kids use in a few days when your hand is better

its ok bestie I aint gonna irreparably damage my hand doin saiki fanart, thanks so much for thinking of and worrying for me <3 I've been taking lots of breaks and only using my mouse, which has a larger surface area than a pen for easier gripping, with my limbs as supported as possible for max ergonomic relaxation, which is much easier on my situation than a pen right now, and I've been treating this body as right as it'll let me, the overprotective fucker LOL

mapping in those colours wasn't any worse than taking all those screen shots earlier or typing out this reply.

repetitive motion is absolutely a killer for arthritis, which is why I've been taking pains to do as little of that as possible, but i felt up to spending about 10 minutes to get some shit out. I aint in that kinda mood to do permadamage to my already lackluster abilities, trust you me!

but to be honest i also need to take pains for my mental health right now also, and ime pent up creative energy contributes to a bad time. i don't need my brain making up more shit for me to deal with.

when i sense that my body can handle it, i'll go as long as it lets me. it might be saiki k fanart to you, but to me colours and lines are how i release and express and buddy.

i been mad pent the hell up LOL and i know my patterns by now.

this psuedo nearly word salad whatchacallit i couldnt evn say that im talking to you with, is in itself just one such sign that if i dont hit a balance where i can, its not only gonna arthritis fucking w/me.

not to sound absolutely fucking tragic but ive been feeling like a brain in a cage that is my own body, a lovely loving too tight iron maiden hugging me too hard. i will take any leniency it gives me just to move. physically speaking today is the best ive felt in weeks.

sedation keeps me pliant for a time but when i wake up i am awake enough to feel sizzling with the fervor of an addiction for some method of getting me out of me. anything i manage to release after this bizarre sense of captivity is a celebration for me, and im gonna be smug and brag about finding those tricks that let me when slim and smooth things like pens evade me.

if that came across as self destruction, my bad, the last thing i want to do on this blog is promote self harm. we do our best to love our bodies and minds here as much as we can. i want to encourage that as much as possible!!

that the proxy for popping my massive fkn brain zit is a pretty anime boy, well, tale as old as time for me LOLOL i like pretty things. i like creating things i think are pretty. they soothe me immeasurably.

absolutely fucking slim and frustrating as they are, i do have some idea of my limits, and uh. pain sucks. if i can avoid triggering more of that, imma do it. so thank you again, i do appreciate it, and i am doing my best <3 sending you good luck and good health and many soft things

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feifood · 4 years ago

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hello ive been going through your works and i absolutely love them🥺 could i request hcs for chrollo who sees his s/o after they got a haircut? Do you think he'll like it? thank you very much

haha thank you love !! You’re so cute pls omg,, I think he will like it -- ALSO I cut my own hair last night it was very therapeutic and it actually turned out very nice I am proud of myself lolol

But anyways, thanks for sending in a request anon, I hope you like this and have a great rest of the day <33

Chrollo after his S/o Gets a Haircut:

OF COURSE HE WOULD LIKE IT THERES NO QUESTION

Chrollo thinks his s/o looks good with any kind of hair, any style, any colour, he’s not a picky man

Even if it turns out bad this man is so entranced by you he can’t even tell that your hair looks like it was accidentally burned off

I think you’d surprise him with the news rather than tell him, because what would bet the fun in that ??

And when he sees you after the haircut oh boy

Oh my he is jumpin the man is jumpin

He’s VErY VERY surprised but he’s not complaining at all

He honestly would never change anything about you so he’s never expected change to look this god

SOMEHOW YOU LOOK BETTER THAN YOU DID BEFORE AND HE JUST DOESN’T KNOW HOW THAT IS POSSIBLE

He gonna start playing with it

He’s going to drop everything and drag you to the couch so you can sit on his lap while he plays with your hair

I think Chrollo knows how to style hair to some degree, not much of an actual hair stylist but enough to impress a few people at a part

So he’s going to spend the rest of the week figuring out his new favourite hairstyle on you now that you’ve gotten this haircut hehe

#fei.requests #fei.chrollo #chrollo x reader #hxh chrollo #chrollo hxh #chrollo hcs #chrollo headcanons #chrollo fluff #chrollo lucilfer #chrollo

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peachiikawa · 5 years ago

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Hello!!! It’s gamer anon again! I was wondering if I request basically the same thing as last time just switched lolol so what would happen if Dabi, Shinso, and Bakugou were gamers, and their s/o got jealous?? Thanks so much for all your hard work!! I really hope I’m not bothering you lolol

omg no!!! youre literally not a bother request anything u want 🥺

Bakugo Katsuki

when he plays a game he gets really into it

he can literally be heard down the hall of the dorms yelling “die” into his headset

you hate it when he gets like this when youre trying to hang out with him

you two had decided to hang out together but katsuki seems to have forgotten the together aspect of it

“katsuki hang out with me”

you threw yourself on his back while aggressively pushed the buttons on his controller

“get the fuck off me y/n cant you see im in an intense game”

he then pushed you off and you fell to the ground

“fine katsuki if youre going to be like that then im going to go find midoriya. he’ll hang out with me”

you dusted yourself off and turned to leave his room

but before you could leave he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into his lap with his head on top of yours

“if youre gonna get jealous of a game you should have just said so”

he continued playing but at least he wasnt ignoring you now

i mean its kind of hard to ignore your s/o when theyre sitting in your lap

Shinso Hitoshi

oh i see this man as a big gamer

gives me big gamer vibes

and you knew that going into a relationship with him meant being in a relationship with his games

usually he was really good about making time for you and his games

but lately hes been playing even around you

something about an event going on in the game?

but its been making you feel a bit neglected

“shinso are you sure you cant just spare five minutes? maybe just a short walk?”

he just grunted back at you

desperate times call for desperate measures

“shinso im going to count to three. if you dont get off your xbox in those three seconds im unplugging it”

“what? y/n why would yo-”

“One.”

“on GOD y/n i swear if you unplug-”

“Two.”

now he was getting frantic

“please y/n stop”

“Three!”

you went to grab the plug but then you froze

shinso then went up behind you and hugged you

“y/n please i know ive been ignoring you lately but ill make up for it. i promise.”

you turned around in his arms to face him

“fine. im still mad though”

he laughed at you

“you know, youre really cute when you get jealous”

you rolled your eyes

“i am NOT jealous”

Dabi

tbh i dont see him as a big gamer guy

takes a good ass game for him to get really into it

so when he discovered animal crossing it was game over

“i have to pay off my mortgage”

he was completely addicted

he got his league stuff done faster than usual just so he would be able to get back to the game faster

and that started to hurt you

seemed like you were just a second thought now a days

“dabi can i play too?”

maybe if you could play as well it wouldnt be so bad

“no this is a one player game”

you sat next to him on the couch and put you head on his shoulder

maybe thatll get his attention

“y/n your head is kind of heavy its messing up my game”

you frowned at him

“dabi please do something with me i feel like you care more about that game than me”

he stopped pushing buttons at your words and looked up at you

“doll, you bring so much joy into my life and i honestly dont know what id do without you in it. ill probably be over this game in a week but you? ill never be over you”

you looked at him with a scrunched nose and pretended to throw up

“that was so disgustingly cheesy dabi”

“shut up i was trying to be nice. at least im not jealous over a game”

#bakugou x reader #dabi x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bnha imagines #bnha #bakugou katsuki x reader #shinso x reader #shinsou x reader #shinso hitoshi x reader #bakugo x reader

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bigskydreaming · 4 years ago

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Just a quick driveby post here to thank people for their continuing messages of support and donations despite the current theme of my blog being Welcome to Dullsville, Population: Me.. Not to put too fine a point on it, but its literally all that’s kept me alive, fed and with a roof over my head the past week lol, while I spend pretty much every single minute of every single hour I actually spend awake like, doing the Super Sexy Shuffle all about town as I continue hunting for a stable apartment/room to rent. Just, y’know, like, while disabled and broke and also like, during a literal pandemic because lololol, no, see, that’s what makes it FUN!

But like, yeah. So unfortunately, until I find SOMEWHERE stable to just like....exist in, until the surgery, like, my entire waking existence revolves around Addressing That. As lolol I simply can not afford to spend any of what little time I can stay upright/mobile at the moment on anything that isn’t productive towards like....tackling my one singular and obnoxiously pressing Need to fill/take care of.

Like, the good news is absolutely every single other thing needed to make the surgery even possible and get me ready for it, after an extremely long and drawn out three years, is finally and completely done and crossed off my list and officially Out of My Hands now. All scans have been done from every possible angle for the people making the prosthetic joint, insurance company has pre-approved and authorized every step and aspect of the actual surgery and hospital stay, and all of that is ready to go, I freaking got all my teeth extracted at age 35 just so as to as cheaply as possible get two straight and even rows dentures that even actually COULD be used to set a whole new bite from scratch, and that they could actually work with and use to align and position the new jaw/jaw angle at properly.....etc etc etc blah blah blah whatever.

Point is, all of that which feels so taxing and tedious even just rattling off in paragraph form, let alone LIVING it and that basically being the entirety of my whole life all day every day for three years.......like at least now its officially all done and out of my hands and at this point there is absolutely nothing left for me to do on my end or that I even CAN do on my end, other than wait fpr tje prosthetic to be finished, at which point they’ll book the surgery ASAP and at long last Make It So.

So like, I’m done done, according to every single one of the people I’ve extensively quizzed on that and then re-quizzed on that because its not like I haven’t heard that before and was told around this time LAST summer that I was at that stage only then get wallopped by the Plot Twist where they were like lol wait no scratch that, we lied.

But as far as I can tell, and accounting for every angle and possible late-stage obstacle that could still come up that I could even think of, everyone seems agreed that no This Time Its For REAL For Real Though, and like, pinky swore on it and everything, albeit in a socially distant way, of course.

*Shrugs* So they’re like, from here out its totally out of your hands and just a waiting game, so all that’s left for you to even do now is just.....keep existing until the prosthetic’s done and its surgery time. So just rest up as much as you possibly can and try to minimize your stress and pain-from-movement so as not to aggravate the issues your body is having any further than they already are.

Which totally makes sense as a plan and I am ALL for that gameplan and like, even found some cheap-o dictation software to experiment with and see if I can use it to just type-talk while lying down resting. Like, Ive gotten really good at talking while barely moving my mouth/jaw much at all, lol, so that’s likely to still take WAY less of a toll on me than it does, having to sit up and type while gravity makes like an asshole and just stands on my jaw and makes everything worse all the ding-dong day long

So anyway, that’s the plan at this point, and I’m totally on board and moooooore than ready to give the whole “bed-ridden” thing a try, lol. Just like. As soon as I first find a bed to be bed-ridden in, that’s at least even just a little more “actually something I can call my own bed” than the ones that I basically just rent by the day in motels that at their cheapest right now still cost like, a hundred bucks a day and lololol no that’s not sustainable and hasn’t been for a long while now but I just couldnt really do much about before while I still had to shuttle back and forth regularly between cities for different parts/stages of pre-surgery treatment.

Anyway, that’s the super exciting update on where I’ve ben and what I’ve been up to all week, and why Im not around much at the moment until I land somewhere stable, and like, preferably MUCH sooner rather than alter. But speaking of beds, now Im gonna go crash and crash HARD because Ive been up for a couple days straight now trying to Make Things Happen as much and as quickly as I can until my body force-quits on me and demands I plug back into bed for a recharging session or whatever. Ugh.

Yeah, and tbh I have no idea if what Im saying even makes sense at this point and given how obnoxiously long it took me to get even this fairly-short-by-my-standards ramble out and onto the page, like.....this is me declaring myself officially Useless at this point and gonna go collapse now, kthxbai.

But also, seriously, seriously SO much thanks for everything everyone has done to help me this past week in particular. Legends only, each and every one of you. And like, your combined and continued goodwill is making it hard for me to even have a villain origin story so if anything that’s what’s gonna be my ultimate villain origin story so jot that down. And like. Make it make sense though.

Anyway. Thanks again! Or still, or always. And also like....goodnight! Or good morning, or good afternoon or ugh shut the fuck up and go the fuck to sleep, me.

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lord-explosion-baku · 5 years ago

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i love your writing style SO much. i love your ideas and how you pack a story that sits with the reader long after they’re finished😾❤️ ive been following you from what I think is the beginning of your blog and i still go back to most of your stories because of sheer nostalgia! will you ever be willing to open your requests back up again?👉🏽👈🏽

A story that sticks with the reader? This is high praise, friend!! And hhhh idk. I kinda let myself and probably some of the other people who made requests down for October last year. Idk. Maybe if I take a break from working on Thorns after like a major following milestone. I do love taking requests, it’s just the getting them out there that’s the hard part :”) especially when work is all consuming.

Honestly, I’d just have to find a nice equilibrium. Shooting requests out used to be easy when I wasn’t obsessing over details and only worked four days of the week lolol. For now I can only hope that you enjoy the original ideas I’ll occasionally wring out! Thanks for the ask!

#tbh i shouldve opened requests up during big time quarantine but a bitch was DEPRESSED #hhhhh i WANT to now #but a bitch is still depressed ngl lol #ucieufjejicie #asks #anonymous

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rfadaydreaming · 4 years ago

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Hi hi yes I am the same 417!! ^-^

Ur response was just- udbridjid PERFECTO i love it. Although lets be real here, for that "1 kiss per spare minute" thing, if i finished an hour early, I'D be the one thats wide-eyed and red in the face-- before anything even happens. Sev might get a little flustered but i think he's sadistic side/confidence would kick in at the sight of my already very flustered self lmaoooo

Physical contact as the reward- Hhh yes pls!! Honestly lolol i feel affection starved sometimes even though i have a great mom... i mean i dont do a lot of physical affection with her aside from a quick hug every night, although ive recently been hugging the crap out of my friends whenever i see them (ik ik, pandemic and all that, but i srsly get help it, quarantine is draining me drying of all the attention and (verbal) affection i used to get lolol. But, hey, it made me realize how much i crave affection in the first place :'D)

Also yes yes yes!! The clinking of rings against bottles and door handles and just about anything metal! I seem to be pretty affected by touch and sound -- clinky metal, soft things, crunchy leaves, biting something-- dude i hate that emergency/amber alert/flash flood/etc alert sound. It legit starred in a nightmare last week and l was literally left paranoid all day :(

Okay one lasst thing i swear lolol-- my energy??? U like my energy??? I give off good vibes?? TTTTTTTT no UR sweet

[417]

(Its 1:30 a.m. dont mind the ~ramble~)

YES starving for affection rn is normal i feel like... the world is soo weird we’re all little petri dishes so it’s easy to start to feel disconnected :(( BUT at least we have fics n shows n characters to make things a little more easier though hehe that’s literally getting me through this pandemic rn omg my comfort characters <33

dude the emergency sound is actually vile i HATE IT !! i want it to be revoked for good it always scares me on such a core level it’s a Deep Uncomfy like. smth is so wrong with it i want it deleted off this earth so bad

n yes omg no UR da sweetest you have rlly sweet n warm vibes so u get... the <3 tag right off the bat! tadaaa <3

#i’m finishing up on some writing rn so it’s fun chatting in between as a lil breather !! ur fun !! dwdw #touch starvation cannot get to you as long as the mystic messenger boys are around #they would never allow it omg imagine all the snuggles they’d give u #them <3 they <3 #also f that sound the alert sound i wanna crawl into a hole and never come out whenever it happens #it’s so uncomfy #417 <3

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nomchonks · 4 years ago

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so well. yesterday was my first day of training. the new gm who hired me wasn’t there so i had to deal with the old gm (i think she got promoted or transferred or something) whose first name is Ashley and her last name is also similar to my last name lolol. i get my online shopping delivered to the store and she said they keep trying to give it to her... omg...

i put labels on boxes the whole time. they all said i was very good at it, and that i picked it up very fast.

anyway ive been trying to clean the house again because surprise it’s awful. im going to try cleaning it first thing every day i get up. cleaning at the beginning of the day seems very backwards but it’s very distracting to have a mess, and so i dont commit to working on anything until i get the place cleaned up so i just mess around until i feel like cleaning, then i clean for a bit and then im like well i dont have enough time left to do anything today. but for like a week or two ive had a lot of difficulty getting out of bed. i dont know what that’s about.

i told matt that now i have a job he has to step up and start playing with rowsdower, and he better do it. im not asking him to clean the litter box or anything. but it gets on my nerves when he just sits on the couch and wont even wave the wand around.

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humankoalaa · 5 years ago

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Black Lightning 3X08

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

krondons eyes are so pretty.

anissas in flannel cause she misses grace. it is law.

lolol gambi told anissa pierce her powers are back then told her she should rest 🤡

and well nissa said exactly what everyone thought.... PLEASE.

everytime they bring up jeff was an olympian a track star at that it kills me 😂 everytime he runs in an episode im like wayment.... sumn don’t add up 😩 IM SORRY.

anissa you bet not go ask jamila 🙄

tobias.... are you flirting with and insulting this woman? 😂

this clown 🤣🤣🤣🤣 he stays with the earth wind and fire jokes.

lynn tawm bout she aint naiive 🤣 GIRL.

lynn.... you’re too smart to be THIS stupid. im tiyerd y’all.

tobias like that little kid at the park you know ain’t shit but you like listen to his bullshit cause he might be woke when really he’s just using you to see just how stupid you are and you’re too stupid to realize it cause well.... math.

“pantene commercial looking ass” 🤣🤣 okay auntie.

jenns wig 😩 i can’t. CANNOT.

jamila ass damn near wet herself when she saw blackbird sis licking her chops and everything 🤣🤣 if she only knew what we know 🙂 you hads dem cakes already sis .... how you don’t know them eyebrows jamila?!! howwww 🥴

jeff and this damn shoulder towel in the kitchen 🤣🤦🏾‍♀️

“what i do now?” 😩😂 jeff is TIYERD y’all.

jenn and all these parties she blames for everything 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

jace need to die.

there go ex trackstar jefferson pierce looking like he just learned to run at breakfast but i digress. and don’t even blame him being up in age. that form y’all 😩 SORRY.

mrs. shepard chilling in the crib growing selling her weed and sis even got a lil gun 😭 a queen i stan.

man ain’t nobody take more L’s and disappointment speeches than Jeff 😩 leave my grandad alone man.

i know dass right pawpaw. LFG!!!!

black lightning got the littist soundtrack ever. black moses is zat funk!

battery ram that! sunny with a chance of meatballs looking mother fu... 😴

yes uncle gambi! so do WE!

nissa looking at the thunder suit like she BETTER look at Grace when she comes back.

“sir... we really doing this?.... lil old lady just wants to stay in her apartment” - EVERYONE and the ASA agent who ain’t tryna get barbecued ❤️

them orders gon get you fried big dawg.

WAIT! thunder said hold my beer came in stomped dat ass. ive missed that lil inhale so much 😭

LMAO timeout! so they just gon disrespect jeff whilst he holding shit down? agent beret said fall back soon as thunder came in 🤣🤣🤣🤣 they got to stop doing jeff dirty on HIS own show 😩🤦🏾‍♀️ that just tickled me to pieces.

awwwww jeff when he sees anissa as thunder 😭 a reunion i stan. their smiles y’all ima cry. ive missed them fighting ALONGSIDE 😩

oh no... no no ... what in the hell i know they got black lightning and thunder... but henderson and friends really bout to rise up against the ASA with shotguns?! like are y’all gonna ask for a timeout to reload while these fools got automatic everything?! a ninja dat goes by painkiller and he got venom and whatever else he got in the usb? you know what... ima leave it alone for the story 🤦🏾‍♀️ i can’t 😂🥴

gambi... you posed to be dead 😩

soon as gambi said “show yourself” i started singing the song from frozen 2. 🎶 SHOW YOURSELF. IM READY TO LEAARRRNNN AAAHHH AAA AAAAHH AAAHHH 🎶 😩

awwww gambi forever winning allllsss the trust.

lynn you can’t be this stupid 😂 tobias is literally not even trying and she’s just like say no more bae i mean friend? ugh just a mess.

im just mad that jenns wig is the way it is 🤦🏾‍♀️ but at least hair makes her feel less like a freak.... if SHE only knew what WE know bout her ex 👀

barron... i mean TC... you wanna come talk to my bank account and all the ATM’s within a 20 mile radius of my crib?

i need TC and gambi to become besties.

ooooooo painkiller and thunder let’s go!

lmao “cute suit” ...THIS painkiller is my favorite version of khalil.

Lmao he sized her up like “shit... this might’ve been a bad idea” she hit his ass so hard that brain chip looked like it shorted out 😩

oh shit i forgot she didn’t use her powers last time they fought... ruh roh. OMG she’s beating his ass 🤣🤣🤣🤣 he sized her up again 😭 shit thunder look like she got stronger 🤤

yeah that chip fried oh shit she beat his ass back to reality and now she knows hes khalil 🤭

no khalil. put the glasses back on and just leave. you don’t wants no smoke 😩 AYYYYYY thunderclap dat ass.

lmao i love how painkiller goes down and agent beret just asks “how” 😩😂 like really dude?! how you don’t know real metas vs makeshift metas only ends well for the real ones?

TC telling gambi move is a whole mood. PLEASE tell me they become pals 😭

it’s starting to look like they bout to get into the outsiders arc. i am spongebob ready! hear me?!

lynn said i need to get the cure and grabbed all the nearest green light 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 mannnnnn why they do my nana like this 😩

ion know who that ASA dude is but he a real one.

she screaming for her bag im 💀💀💀💀 yes cold turkey her ass!

lmao down goes agent beret!

🤣🤣🤣🤣 mrs. sheppard said she gotta check on her plants 💀

another great episode! see y’all next week before the drought 😭

#black lighting spoilers #black lightning #anissa pierce #jennifer pierce #jefferson pierce

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