#ive actually been sitting on these for like a month
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EVER SEEMS LIKE THINGS MIGHT BREAK APART IT WILL BE OKAY I'LL SEND YOU A CHEER WILL YOU LISTEN YEAH YEAH OH THERE'S ONLY ONE STORY AND ONLY YOU CAN DRAW IT RISE AND SHINE STARLIGHT WITH THIS FIRST STEP WALK ON FURTHER EVEN IF YOU CRY MANY TIMES YOU'LL BE OKAY BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU
#bwark#hz lb#im so pissed off i wrote out a bunch of tags for this post but tumblr didnt save them for whatever reason. so i have to write them out again#god i just had to fucking. sit there and contemplate after that episode aired#i knew what was coming ive seen it before. but holy shit. goddamn chills#even though it was obvious they blew most of the budget on hz088 those last few scenes still got me#also i kinda wish that the poster for mega voltage didn't get shown like a month earlier#because the preview for hz089 indicated NOTHING about friede or the timeskip#like the poster dropping was already crazy but can you imagine how crazy it would've been if we were left completely in the dark about that#stuff when the episode actually aired
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always kind of was, j.b.
chapter two, poncho punch
— jacob black x f. reader
a/n: i realized writing this i abuse em dashes so…oops… anyway here is more cute fluffy jake that is hopefully not ooc! (i feel like ive been doing a p good job so far)
prev. series masterlist! next.
The first few mornings of May in Forks arrived slowly, like the sun was still shy about showing its face. Contrary to popular belief, summers in Washington do come—and when they do, the clouds finally pull back and the sun becomes a welcomed guest after months of gray. Today is one of those quietly golden days. You wake to soft light filtering through your window blinds and the gentle tap of birds on the roof. Rolling onto your back, your eyes trace the knotty wood ceiling above you. It smelled faintly of old books and damp earth from the rain earlier in the week–and part of you liked that the house hasn’t tried to be anything other than what it was. Forks never changed much.
But Jacob did. And you still haven’t quite figured that out.
You see him most days now, which you don’t mind—actually, you kind of like it. You never had that many friends in Forks to begin with, and the few you did have moved away, just like you had. Jake would show up with that lopsided grin and some excuse to get you out of the house—down to First Beach, out by Sol Duc, or just cruising around in his rebuilt Rabbit, pointing out every small thing that has changed since you were last here. He makes it feel easy, like old times, but there’s always something unsaid in the air between you. Like every sentence hangs with an ellipsis.
This afternoon, he came by again. You’re both on the porch swing, spending one of those perfect slow afternoons doing absolutely nothing. Your parents are out for the day—visiting friends, maybe, but you didn’t ask. You’re busy…with Jake. Your knees are hugged to your chest, one earbud in, and Jake’s got the other. He’s nodding along to the playlist you made—Beyoncé, Nelly Furtado, and his now not-so-secret favorite: Avril Lavigne.
“It’s getting kinda hot,” he says suddenly, tugging the earbud out. “Otter Pop?”
You grin. “Yes, please. Can you get me—”
“Poncho Punch. Yeah, I know.” He’s already standing, smirking. “Be right back.”
You laugh as he jogs inside like it’s a mission. A few minutes later, he returns with two hilariously oversized Otter Pops. The kind your parents bought in bulk just because they were cheaper than the regular ones.
He tosses you the orange one, keeping the red one for himself.
“You still eat the red ones first, huh?”
“This one’s got a bite,” he says, tearing the plastic with his teeth. “Kinda like me. Fiery. Intense. Unapologetically cool.”
You snort. “Please stop psychoanalyzing your artificially dyed sugar water, weirdo.”
He grumbles but sits down beside you anyway, unwrapping his pop fiercely. You do the same. The earbuds go back in, and you both fall into that easy rhythm again—breeze in the trees, tires on gravel in the distance, his arm warm where it brushes yours.
For a while, it’s like no time passed at all. But you still can’t quite believe the shift in him. The height. The new muscles. The serious way he carries himself sometimes, like he’s older than he should be. When you asked, he’d just muttered something about a growth spurt, but you didn’t buy it. You didn’t change that much, not really. But Jake always insisted you had.
His phone buzzes in his pocket, and he tenses slightly as he pulls it out. One glance and his jaw tightens.
“Everything okay?” you ask, still eating your popsicle.
“Yeah,” he says too fast, shoving the phone back into his jeans. “Just Sam.”
You tilt your head, eyebrows furrowed. “Sam Uley?”
“Mhm.” He hesitates, then shrugs like it’s no big deal, “The guys are hanging out tonight. You should come.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah. Bonfire at the beach. Everyone’ll be there.”
Everyone. You bite your lip. You’d been looking forward to a quiet night settling in, but the idea of seeing Embry and Quil again makes your chest lift a little. You alway loved tagging along with the three of them, even if they were total chaos. Quil and Embry never treated you like you couldn’t keep up–and Jake never loved that. He was always protective over you for some reason.
“Okay,” you say after a moment. “Yeah, I’ll go.” Then you pause. “But I thought you didn’t like Sam?”
Jake rolls his eyes slightly, like he expected this question.
“Things change,” he pauses. “I got over it. We’re… cool now.”
You give him a look. “That’s it?”
He shrugs again, but his smile is a little crooked. “I dunno. Sometimes you realize you were wrong about people.”
You decide not to press. Not today, at least.
Your Otter Pop drips a bright orange line down your wrist and you fumble for the hem of your shirt–but Jake’s faster. Without a word, he leans in, catching the melting trail with his thumb, wiping it gently from your skin. His touch lingers, warm and a little too careful. You glance up and for a second–just one second–he’s looking at you like he’s seeing something new. Like he’s remembering something old.
The moment passes. He leans back with a grin that’s too casual and shoves his finished Otter Pop wrapping into his other pocket.
“I’ll pick you up at eight.”
And just like that, he stands, heading down the porch steps like nothing happened–like his fingers didn’t just leave a burning line on your skin.
You spend the next few hours cleaning up, texting your parents (who are, predictably, still out), and trying not to overthink the way Jacob had looked at you earlier.
Because it had been different than anything you were used to.
You’d known Jacob Black since you were kids and had seen every version of him–from the scrawny eight-year old who challenged you to races on the beach (and won every time) to the sulky fourteen-year-old who pretended not to care when you told him you were moving. You don’t remember the exact moment when you met Jacob. He was just there–holding your hand when you jumped off the jungle gym, pushing you on the swing, playing tag. Somewhere along the way, he just stuck.
But the way he’d stared at you today–like he was seeing you for the first time–that was new. You shake your head. You’re probably just imagining things.
At exactly 8:00 PM, the roar of Jacob’s motorcycle cuts through the quiet of the evening. You grab your jacket and head outside where he’s waiting, helmet in hand.
“You sure you’re okay on this thing?” you question, eyeing the bike.
He smirks. “Scared?”
“No,” you lie.
He laughs and tosses you the helmet. “Relax. I’ve got you.”
Something about the way he says it makes your stomach flip, but you climb on behind him anyway, gripping the sides of his jacket as the engine rumbles to life beneath you.
“Hold on tighter than that,” he says over his shoulder. “Unless you wanna eat pavement for dinner.”
You roll your eyes but slide your arms around his waist, pressing closer. His breath hitches, barely, before he revs the engine and takes off. The wind rushes past as you speed down the road, the trees blurring into one long streak. Jacob’s warmth seeps into you, even as the cool air nips at your cheeks, his back solid against your chest and despite your earlier nerves, you find yourself relaxing.
Because this is Jacob–with him, you’ve always been safe.
First Beach is just as you remember it. Smoke and salt in the air, the crash of waves blending with the snap of logs in the bonfire. The group’s already gathered–Embry, Quil, Sam, and a few others you barely recognize. You remember their faces from around La Push, though you’d never known them well. The ones you can’t quite recall the name of sit slightly apart from the rest, arms crossed but with a faint smile when they catch your eye.
You didn’t expect to be greeted like someone returning home, but Embry jumps up first, nearly tackling you with a hug.
“No way it’s you!”
Quil follows right behind him, shaking his head. “City life didn’t ruin you after all.”
“Shut up,” you retort, hugging him too. “Barely a city, even.”
Sam offers a polite nod and a small smile. “Good to see you.”
“You too,” you reply tight-lipped, still taking it all in.
Jacob stays close to your side as you find a spot around the fire. You catch Quil nudging Embry and whispering something that sounds like, “She’s basically part of the–” before Sam shoots them both a look that shuts them up. You raise an eyebrow but don’t question it.
Despite the unfamiliar faces, the night settles into a rhythm. The heat of the fire, the low rumble of conversation, the occasional laugh from Paul that always seems louder than it needs to be. You talk with Leah for a while, glad for the presence of another girl. She's blunt, dryly funny, and easy to talk to once she warms up. It's nice—not being the only one. Someone mentions the old Quileute stories, and a few of the guys start joking about them, but you catch the shift in their expressions. Something passes between them.
You smile faintly. “I remember Billy used to tell us those stories,” you say quietly. “You never believed any of them, Jake.”
Jacob doesn’t laugh. Instead, he looks at the fire, then at you. “Maybe I was wrong.”
There’s a silence there, brief but thick.
It’s only your second full day back, but you’ve caught Jacob staring more than once—longer than before, longer than friends should. You catch him doing it again now, the firelight reflected in his eyes, something unreadable behind them. He looks away when you meet his gaze. Eventually, the others begin to drift off, pairing up or heading home. Quil tosses another log into the fire with a lazy salute before he disappears with Embry into the dark.
“Bonfires aren’t the same without your terrible ghost stories,” you say.
Jacob smirks. “You were always the one who got scared, not me.”
You both laugh softly.
When it’s just the two of you left, the sounds of the ocean fills the quiet, waves crashing in rhythm with your pulse. Jacob stands and offers you a hand. You take it, letting him pull you to your feet–but when you go to let go, his fingers linger, just a second longer than they need to.
The ride back is quieter. The wind bites a little more than before, but Jacob’s presence keeps you grounded. When he pulls up in front of your house, he doesn’t cut the engine right away. The night hangs suspended between you, thick with something unspoken.
“Thanks for tonight,” you murmur, voice nearly swallowed by the hum of the bike.
Jacob finally turns to look at you, his dark, brown eyes reflecting off the porch light. “Anytime,” he says, low and earnest, like he means it in every possible way.
You hand him his helmet, and your fingers brush against his, sending a jolt up your arm.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” he asks, uncharacteristically hesitant, like a kid waiting for reassurance.
You smile and nod. “Obviously.”
On the porch as you fumble for the keys, your heart still thuds from the ride–or maybe from the way his hands lingered or the way his voice dipped when he said “anytime.” All these little moments of extra long touches and the loaded glances are building up, and as you close the door behind you, something settles heavy in your chest: something is changing. You don’t have a name for it yet, but it’s there, undeniable as the tide.
#jacob black#jacob black x reader#jacob black fanfic#jacob black x y/n#jacob black x you#jacob black x female reader#twilight x reader#x reader#twilight
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Knock knock, Valentines from the slasher guys 💌

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

idk i think they like u or smth ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) they just show it kinda weird ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
last one’s a touch suggestive 🫠

#ive actually been sitting on these for like a month#its super fun to rehash older art like this would recommend#they are poisoned with cymk tho#if it wasn’t clear i was going for the viewer hiding in bushes or a tree with moon’s first one#graphic design is my passion 🐸#dca slasher au#valentines#art#slasher dca#slasher sun#slasher moon#fnaf dca#fnaf#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#human dca#suggestive#suggestive content
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life advice from the mountain goats:
- lie to the cops
- watch for the signs and learn how to read
- let all the lights blaze, keep your heart light, play really loud music all hours of the night
- do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive, do every stupid thing to try to drive the dark away
- life is too short to refrain from eating jam out of the jar
- steal what you need
- bring back some blurry pictures to remember all your darker moments by
- read all about it on the wikipedia page
- don't hurt anybody on your way up to the light, and stay alive, just stay alive
- make it through this year
#txt#transmissions from lyric#the mountain goats#tmg#a version of this one has been sitting in my discord notes for like two months#yes these are all actual lines from songs and im sure theres more but. thats what ive got
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actually so funny how ive made so many stardew save files for rp reasons but i have not once recreated the flower valley in it
#SICK AND TWISTED!!!! i literally have flower crops mod on lol....#personally i think making my jimmy and scott would be sooo doable because i know theres an elven ears mod#maybe this will be a future project..... scardew valley has got to be put on hold bc the pixel work amount is insane lol#and last time i did scar's portrait sprite in one sitting my chronic aches acted up help#that being said i have GOT to finish that FH sketch ive got sitting around... its based off real life and its like a month now skull emoji#actually i have 5 billion wips but all i do is just be anxious and play video games so ok#<- has been playing star wars games and stardew valley#<-<- has been making aus of these games because brainrot#<-<-<- has been word-vomiting about said aus on priv like a normal person#烤鱼
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finally back to lifting after a neck tumor removal surgery!!! possibly a bad move to start off this ambitious... but im feeling pretty cool to have done 10 unassisted pull-ups right off the bat! B) im a ways off of my past leg press weight but i'll work back up to it in time! (the bakery cant go out of business like this, i wont let her)
#my left arm feels d e a d though lmao#it straight up wont relax all the way#thats ok tho <3 she'll heal#god ive missed actually using muscles :')#'you cant lift more than 20 pounds for the next 2 weeks and no more than 40 for the next 6' ... WELL ITS BEEN 7 AND A HALF...#i did start to feel some pain at the surgery site :/ so i stopped and we'll try again later this week#but still!!!!!!!#glad to be back ive missed using my body#its been miserable just sitting on the internet and loafing for the last 2 months#and prior to that i couldnt workout for like 3 months before the surgery bc id feel the tumor pushing against my neck tendons lol#and exercise strained it#so all in all i havent worked out like this in 5? almost 6 months?#and i wasnt that consistent even before that#so its been a g e s since i really worked out my arms#so grateful to get to move my body again :')
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ive been so productive today everybody clap
#got most of the code done in lab today met with a professor re grad school finally bought the notebook ive been meaning to get for 2 weeks#finally put together the tv stand and set up the tv that have both just been sitting in the living room for like a month. and showered 🙂↕️#chesschats#in my defense abt the tv/stand i haven’t actually been here much the past month i keep going home
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fuck my baka life
#whta the fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#feeling really freaking bad again actually.#i am privileged i am not going to go homeless or hungry#but i can't get fucking hired and it's makign me insane#what the fuck !!!!!!#i'm not good enough huh !!!!!!!.#fuck okay damn !#arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i don't have money to pay for stuff !!!!!!!!!!!#i have to buy car insurance next month and pay for dog food#fuckk !!!! just sitting here spiralling#it';ll be fine because i have support in my life but holy shit it's mental torture i'm not built for this#i just want a fucking job#i was really holding out for a specific application to be shortlisted but they rejected me the other day and ive just been trying to be#normal about it#i keep getting passed up on jobs that are so up my alley and that i’m capable of doing and its like what the fuck else am i supposed to do!!
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two conversations i want to have about "dead dove do not eat"
it's annoying how people treat it as a genre or descriptor in and of itself when it hypothetically should have no ties to "problematic" or "dark", it literally just means "what you see is what you get with these tags" - which is a concept that can encompass any kind of writing. in an ideal world dead dove is not a Type of fic, it is literally just a neutral descriptor, and i think it's very annoying how it got largely co-opted by proshippers who think it's shorthand for Dark And Twisted Porn™ and treat it as some kind of genre in and of itself
it just sounds incredibly lame. what's wrong with just saying "yeah heed the tags this is serious" instead of assuming everyone knows about a nonsense vaguely-artsy meme phrase. can we not just use our words
#babbles#all my love to this commenter (WHO WAS VERY SWEET) someone once recommended we tag tttaac as dead dove which#1) no sorry. i dont like the phrase.#2) i already said in the description and the tags of that fic... to heed the tags... and i warned people... thats what dead dove means#for all intents and purposes that does the same thing as actually tagging it dead dove would...? what difference would it make. no.#i said a million times in the tags and summary 'this is dark and heed the tags' if youre surprised by it at that point idk what to tell you#do you need a dead dove tag so you know its DARK™ when its already tagged as dark and gore and horror and tragedy???#all my love to that commenter i am not genuinely mad they were a very lovely commenter i just have picked a very particular#niche fanfiction terminology hill to die on and iv been sitting on this rant for months XD#times someone has called tttaac dead dove: 2. which like. huh? why???? do you think dead dove just means Dark...?#SORRY. IM SORRY THIS IS UP THERE IN SOME OF THE PETTIEST IV BEEN ON THIS BLOG
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Where's that one Ford art post thats like I'm in the best years of my life clutching a hot pink thermos thingy with hot gurl juice when he's clearly not. cause damn . Yeah
#ive got it actually downloaded on my phone. so dont actually need it forwarded to me. but also#christ man what day. what a life. what am i doing man. im so exhausted. trying to figure out my masters. which like. UGH first pushed to#do things and then im like oh okay yeah makes sense ill do it and then suddenly people are like a YEAR LATER wait what do u actually want.#like. idk man i do enjoy what im doing and enjoying myself. but also fuck im tired. but also i would be excited to do further work on what#im doing. like. i get my aunt dying recently has suddenly all my other aunts reassesing their lives but its just like. yeah and now suddenly#youre reluctant about the shit youve pushed on me huh#and CHRIST the stress of figuring how the dynamics work since everythings changed up here and ive gotta move AGAIN#and the oma needing to be medivac'd out today like fuck man. and then i fucking went to craft night and started weavibg a basket#like. what the fuck man. and then finished two typesets.#ughhhhhh. and was like damn i needed to make those hours for work today but whatever i guess. tomorrow it is#me w my sad little micky of liquor and my laptop for typesetting and antique roadshow on in the background trying to relax#omas probably fine but CHRIST last i was in they were like shes fucking dying. okay wait shes a little better no one else is in can u#look after her. horribly stressful#yeah. sure. prime of my life. to stress out about everything.#hugin personal#had a breif moment sitting on my bed where everything dropped away and i was like damn what the fuck am i doing. what is going on.#how am i still moving. anyways. i think i need a vacation#its fine its just been a long few months and things keep piling up and im supposed to be making importnat life decisions and i feel like an#impaled beastie on a fork writhing around. AND im not home so i dont got my snuggly boy to cuddle. i just need some sleep i think#the prof i was thinking of supervising me seemed super nice... and talking to stydent this week also where nice and only had nice things#to say. idk man also been thinking this week about growing up and never having your work being acknowledged. its just why havent you not#done that. like. damn. dont think i can recall my dad every saying im proud of you. ughhh some ways good to be out of the house since dads#stressful af to be around and the parents still arent sure about maybe getting a divorce but its also awkward af dynamics here#the rents seem fine for the most part but yeesh. the fall was not good. also i miss my boyyyyyy#anyways. yeah classic NDN thing of your life being fucking run by your aunties somehow work wise#also being asked point blank what i want was like fuck man. what do i want. can u just leave me alone to do hobbies actually...#jk i do enjoy my job. i love research tbh. coordinating stuff less so but it do be a part of it#ok well. whoops rambles on here wayyy more then was expecting
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They’re all like that you know.
#j’s crying and listening to music#I actually have no idea what the real lyric is.#Mutant - Shimon &/ Gero#this is probably inaccurate but oh well!#UPDATE; apparently its “theyre all scumbags”#either at one point the shimon wiki was wrong or im just stupid and both are possible and likely!#(it wouldve been around 2022 ish like when it came out so its not far fetched that i read an old inaccurate translation but idk!)#(ive been in the shimon fandom like 3 months after noro came out 💀 /srs)#(i was cringe but i was free. and now im freerr!)#(i had/still have this ball of red yearn that i tied some mismatchbutton eyes onto and called it ‘noro jr’ and they still sit beside my bed#(CHAT I FUCKING LOVE SHIMON HELP ME ITS CONSUMING ME AGAIN)#(i have up until muri on cd. ive listened to everything he has on yt. planning to on bilibili. and gonna listen to 97kids and whats left of#yullie echo. i fucking LOVE aster. i will FIGHT someone on this.)#(ikitai is lyrics from aster. tho idk who sings it there??? in the comments ¿? linked aster to his selfcover implying that isnt him ig?#maybe maiki-p?? shrugs idk. i dont have yt on my phone rn!#im not a fake fan i swear i just constantly forget to actually look i swear i swear)#J refuses to shut up about ¿?-Shimon
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i think banking apps should have a warning/confirmation that pops up when you're checking your account that asks ARE YOU THINKING OF MAKING AN IMPULSIVE PURCHASE? and makes you hit no 35 times before finally going away
#💬nia.rambles#did i need tbat. no probably not. why didnt you ask me 25 times#getting a little thing that i will have no place for or buying something for something i probably will not care about in a week#yeah. AND YOU JUST WONT STOP ME? childproof this. teenage girlproof this. whats wringeihtyofjdn#for something i enjoyed for a bit. like the high is gone WHAT DO I DO NOW oh misersble worldld#im sitting there the day after like i didnt actually like it that much or oh yeah that THING ive been WANTING for MONTHS#its fine. i enjoy little things and supporting creatives. i Will need an income soon. i need to open comms#< says i need to open comms every week then does not do anything about it Oh miserable World#never ever let me speak or hear about or look at anything ever again imso seriohs
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menou….
#hi sorry. please read executioner and her way of life#ive been rereading it lately my bad#volume 7 come out in like two months and im more excited about that than i should be#sorry rejuv people but this has all been a ploy to get maybe at least one person to give it a shot#thisll end soon though im sure and ill go back to melia posting probably#actually id probably still been posting about executioner things but. well. rejuv#im not gonna tag this cause theres nothing to it but im still posting it on its own#mostly because i dont really wanna draw rn and i hate sitting on things and not posting them#. even though i. dont really post things on their own here very much anymore. my bad ill do that more with not rejuv things
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#“hi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forum”#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you 🥰#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like “well you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right meds“ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#“being on too many medications killed my grandma”#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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I want to go to a dance party at the only gay bar in town tonight but I'm supposed to work.
I could easily call out, and I have plenty of sick time available. But with this being a smaller city that has only one gay bar, I'm much more likely to get caught and get written up for improper use of sick leave. Plus, my first job that I worked enough to actually have called out, the manager just wouldn't let me call out. Like, I'd try, and she'd just say no, I need you to come in anyway, and then yell at me for trying to call out when I know theres no one to cover for me. So, even though that was years ago and an entirely different job, I'm still really paranoid that I'm not going to be allowed to call out or that I'll get in trouble for it.
#like#ive been at this store for 6 months#4 and a half years with the company#and this would be the first time since i transferred here that I'd be calling out#and like weve got a guy who either calls out or just doesnt show up way more often than he actually works#and hes been doing thag for 9 months and hasnt gotten so much as a write up#so i know I'd be fine#but i cant shake the fear of getting in trouble#and i hate that im genuinely considering skipping out on celebrating pride month because of it#but also it might not be worth going because even though ive been going to this bar on my nights off pretty regularly#i still dont know anyone#and ive got that vampire autism where i cant join a conversation or activity without being invited#and its not super fun to go to a bar and sit at a table alone#so maybe i should just go to work and at least make a bit more money than id get from using sick time
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also. this trip has been making me fully realize how much my hypermobility affects my life lmao and like. i guess just how connected my issues are it’s almost like my body is a whole interconnected unit
#but not by my shitty connective tissues ba dum tss! anyway.#this has actually been several months in the making. and then years if you really think about it. but mostly this year ive been really#sitting with it. like yeah this causes chronic pain for me. it affects me day to day like every moment. trying to figure out how to#reduce pain my body has been compensating for so long i have to reteach it how to function. u know#and also i really would love to get some mobility aids for myself for rougher days at least but lol. money#maybe i will at some point or ill try to diy#ive been using a tip from tiktok it said to use a scarf and tie it at night. dont have a scarf so ive been using pants#and it helps sooo much with keeping my shoulders in place it's so nice#abby talks#and then i have to specifically try to position pillows to support my knees. what i really need is one of the like#big triangle pillow things. my mom has one and i would use it at pt. gave my knees and hips such a break ugh#i will say this is an instance where tiktok is really helpful bc having people who also have these conditions and#relating it to neurodivergence and talking abt the way it all interacts and genuine ways to help yourself#is so nice. bc you know a google search is just gonna be like You might have loose joints if your joints are loose. like ok i’ll go fuck#myself i guess
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