#ive accepted that thats my brand

[arimiaromage]

art book in the mail today for a hidden gem, Devils and Realist! it's a great josei if you like primarily male casts, fantasy, and historical settings with drama. I really love the art style so I've been eyeing this artbook for months.

[dansevilpianotea]

who do you think is more Crowley coded and who is more Azira coded out of dnp?

i set myself hourly notifications ever since you send the ask and it still took me this long to answer, im so sorry 😭

to answer your question:

It might seem like obvious that dan is crowley coded and phil is azira coded because of their aesthetics and personality but stating that as that is too simple for me. lets break it down:

dan is like crowley in the obvious sense of having that edgy aesthetic and always needing to question things while phil is the one with the light aesthetic who enjoys what is happening despite the problems it has. just watch them play the game of life.

this reminds me of this quote from a book ive read for uni which really stuck with me:

so yea, dan is the social scientist who points out what most people miss and phil is the one who tells us that we shouldn't wallow in defeat of it but make our own meaning out of it. and we need both! they are like ying and yang, like crowley and aziraphale in that way.

crowley who questions heaven and thusly falls, but then doesnt stop questioning hell because he doesnt see the world in black and white, good actions and bad actions.

i think dan for a long time was not like that. i say this with the utmost respect but if you look back, his branding was usually self deprecating jokes and at least to me personally it felt like his perspective was pessimistic. he always made sure to leave a positive message but to me it felt like a wish for a better future, not a feeling of certainty that it will be better.

Phil on the other hand is very much like that:

Phil is like aziraphale and me in the sense that he gets irrationally worried about things,

but it is dan who literally did a tour about his worries of the world ending, with branding and all:

and yet:

phil and crowley both have that rational optimism, the sense that things will be okay. but aziraphale does not give up in-spite of the odds being against them. in s1 he refuses to run away to alpha centauri because he believes that they should stay and fight. that there is still hope. he does not accept that the world will end. but its crowley who sparks the idea of aziraphale raising the antichrist with him. its aziraphale who tells angel crowley of armageddon , and its why crowley gets upset and questions the almighty.

so my point is that phil has aziraphale's light aesthetic vibes and his fear of near doom but crowley's certainty that everything will be okay in the end despite it.

dan on the other hand has crowley's edgy dark aesthetic, his cynicism and sense of questioning belief systems, but also aziraphale's determinism to fight what he is sure is a losing battle/the end of the world because he wants to believe that it is possible that everything will be okay (that being the message of wad/ywgttn/big/etc...)

i want to talk a bit about 'dark/light polarity'. what we mean by that is two sides of the same coin. yin and yang:

☯️

they depend on each other, they interconnect and intertwine. be it real people or fictional characters, it is never a clear black and white binary, because what the characters have something that the other lacks and when they come together they become a whole. plato said humans once had 4 legs and feet, and then got split in half by zeus to punish us to live our lives yearning to be connected with the other half of our soul/coin, our soulmate. they carry sth of each other within them because there are shards that got broken in the middle when the being was split and were forced to choose sides.

so even tho it might seem like dan is more like crowley coded and phil is more aziraphale coded because of their light/dark aesthetic, there's many things of both in each of them and thats what makes it interesting and real to us.

[umbreoncomplex]

can i be honest? im really happy about buck being bisexual. yada yada oh but he didnt kiss eddie. whatever. okay? ive been with this show since that fateful night in january 2018. id seen the previews and ads for the show for a while and so i awaited the night eagerly and watched the premiere episode with my mom. this was 6 years ago, and i was young, and still new to being queer, and to me that was something you kept secret in online chatrooms and fanfiction read in the dead of night. i was young, and maybe trans maybe lesbian. and you weren't supposed to be those things in the "real world". and this is a truth i keep in my mind for a while. and then, i dont remember when, but we are introduced to karen. hens wife. these two become the first queer people ive seen on screen outside of online circles. away from fanfiction and cartoons. and they feel so real. so tangible. and i feel seen. because maybe ive met queer people before. but we were always tucked away into the digital world. this was cable tv. this is what everyone could see. and this meant there were dozens and dozens of people behind the scenes letting this be real. and in that moment i felt everything could be okay. and i found lonestar, i found paul, and by now i was familiar with queer people in media and in real life but paul was a trans man on tv and this was so new to me and once again i felt comforted. felt seen. i smiled when owen helped paul with skincare in that one bathroom scene and it was normal and okay. but heres the thing. these were queer people established from the beginning. and they have always been queer. and i love them for that. i love hen and i love paul and i love carlos and i love tk and i love nancy. but we have never gotten to see discovery yet. and ive been with this franchise 6 years. ive had all these queer headcanons in my head, some big ones i knew could never be true, but that's okay, because i could still imagine them and discuss them with friends and make them real to myself. and while buck being bi was plausible, maybe far more likely to happen than any other headcanon i had, i was familiar with this show. queer identities had been established from the beginning. you knew from the get go if a character would be queer or not. and so i expected this status quo to stay. and yet it didnt. because on the 100th episode of this show thats carried me through these psst few years, buck kissed a man. or more accurately, was kissed by a man. and he wasnt disgusted. wasnt appalled. didnt pull away. he reciprocated. and this wasnt like with tk. this isnt oh haha some guy thinks buck has a crush on him and buck is bewildered because oh! he's obviously straight. this is a kiss. and he kissed back. and when he lets go hes shocked. surprised. but not bothered. this is bucks "oh" moment, even described as such by oliver stark. this is a beginning. this isnt a scene they're going to throw away, but a story theyre starting. and it's going to be something entirely brand new for 911. because now we can see someone grow into their identity. accept it. learn to be themselves proudly. ive loved buck since day 1 of this series, and i cant help but feel proud. and i know he's just a fictional character yada yada who cares. but i care. because ive watched his story for 6 years. his struggle to love himself. to accept he can be desired and cared for. and hes been getting better. but now hes been introduced to something new. and now he must love himself in a new light, learn to love himself through change, and not just as a static personality. and im happy. and i wont stop being happy. and oliver stark said "you were right". and i was. and i cant believe i am. that this story can exist outside of my head. outside of online chatrooms. outside of fanfic. and it feels poetic, to watch buck come into himself in real time like this

[eirian]

so me and eden talked about it and ive decided to take a sort of internet break with her, just for a week or so. i hate hate hate being so dependent on the internet (particularly social media) for both entertainment and socialization and i feel like being online so much and relying on it for SO LONG (since i was maybe 11?) has really been detrimental to my mental health. and since ive made rent for this month i feel like now is a good time to just step away for a bit.

i still unfortunately rely on the internet for my livelihood--i HAVE to take commissions in order to make rent, provide food, etc, so i wont stop posting art or taking commissions! i'll just be less social i guess. i wont make any posts or reblog anything, i'll just be posting art and contacting ppl abt commissions.

i want to spend more time with my wife. i want to go outside more. i want to hang out with irl people more (i literally have no irl friends). i want to go to meetups. i want to disconnect from the internet so bad i HATE relying on it as much as i do. i mean this so unironically i want to touch grass again

im ngl. i also talked w eden about possibly starting up an irl small business for my art--something along the lines of basically being a caricature artist again, but this time self employed. i'd have my own brand and go to parties and draw people, and volunteer at the local children's hospital sometimes too and draw the hospitalized kids. im honestly just trying to think of ANY job that would help me ease up on being so reliant on social media for income, if possible, that would still be fun for me and not absolutely kill my mental health like my previous irl jobs did. dont get me wrong i love drawing yalls ocs! but i cant charge as much as i should be b/c i dont have enough of a following/demand, so i have to take a lot of commissions before im able to make a decent living. it sucks.

if i could charge more to where i only had to take maybe 3 commissions a month in order to make rent, thatd be ideal. id still love to do commissions for a living! i love drawing your blorbos and i honestly dislike the idea of going back to caricature art--its not my passion by a longshot and its very stressful to do live art so quickly. but im just trying to think of anything to help at this point u_u i cant get on ssi b/c then we wouldnt be able to use my bank account for income and we'd basically have No Money To Do Anything Freely Anymore. so i gotta just. stick with what im doing. IDEALLY id be able to take commissions and post art while not being necessarily Active on social media anymore, but idk how to make that work just yet or if thats even a thing i could do..

anyway. TL;DR im going to take a semi-break from social media/the internet for about a week, but i'll still post art + take commissions + accept messages from close friends on discord. i want to HEAL, man

[psyf0rk]

im curious about the fandom video essay one bc for me, ive always viewed it as: aa gets ports. like a lot of them. as such, aa is way more accessible to play compared to layton, where youre either stuck with watching an old playthrough of the games, or trying to 1) get a 3ds if you dont have one, and 2) buying the games (which can sometimes be very expensive). plus, people probably vibe with the mystery solving aspect of one or the other differently. i’ve honestly been begging for pl ports for years, and not just for switch. but i think layton is definitely something thats like. a series that ppl look fondly back on. which is why you see so many people be excited when new world of steam was first announced.

anyway sorry for putting all this in your inbox it’s just been my biggest complaint for yrs that layton has not been ported over yet and the one game thats on switch kinda did poorly. i would love for the fandom to grow

HII !! firstly thank you so much for asking !! im really glad to know this sorta thing doesnt just bug me ,, and secondly i apologise for answering so late ,, i was travelling all day yesterday 😭😭

YEAH!! Ports was going to be one of my points that id put in the video if i were to make it ,,

I completely agree with your point , Ive already heard people say the 3ds is a “dead console” (and yeah it is i just cant accept it ) ((LMAO)) ,, making it inaccessible to SO many people ,, when they could have found out about it . Like , layton still has the potential to bring in new fans , Im an example of that ,, lost future captured my heart and bought every game like a week later ; The games themselves are masterpeices , and more people deserve to know about them.

Secondly yeah ,I know people may be used to the mystery solving aspect of one or the other ,, but thats another problem anyway I think the main glue that layton has is its story tbh (less so with prequel trilogy but thats another point )

They could port the first trilogy really nicely (like they did with aa1-3) and brand it as a mystery game could THE POTENTIAL IS THERE. !!!!. And id people probably dont look back on it fondly im so sad :( Theyre amazing games but idk i didnt play them in layton prime 😭😭🙏

Also ports not just for switch YES !!! Reiterating what you said ; Theyre only playable on decaying consoles , and the gaming industry is changing , level 5 should adapt to this and not stay stuck in the past !! If people stumble across layton and decide to look into it ,, it would be better for it just to be at least on steam r smth ,, so they can acc play it cause playthroughs are awful . Like can you imagine curious village with polished sprites ??? dude that would be so good .

And yeah !! lets hope NWOS revives layton ,, from what is seems it looks really polished but they were 3 games late to what AA did well ,, give a new protagonist focus . NWOS (from what ive seen) will center more around luke ,, which is what the prequel trilogy should have done . (AA made their second trilogy center around apollo, )

and dang it i rambled slighty off topic mb

😭😭

[lesbiancarat]

I agree their album concepts seem pretty consistent with their music (lack of lore, more rooted in reality), plus i also think that more recent ones (FTS, FML, and Seventeenth Heaven in particular) matched the overall concept/themes of the albums well. Hell ive basically given a whole dissertation to my friend about FTS and FML concepts fitting into their overall narrative. I do admit I'm easy to please so i just like their faces lol but yeah its been nothing but complaints since i got here in 2020 😭 i do see people enjoy stuff so its never been 100% negative but those that are negative are LOUD. Should there be improvements? Yeah sure but like the stuff thats complained about never is what really matters half the time

I will however push my "give every kpop idol a sword" agenda tho bc i wanna see them with swords

yes exactly! and yeah that's true, it's never 100% negative, which is also why i think a lot of it comes down to personal preference and not bad design. bc there have been times i haven't liked a certain design choice or concept photo but i see others praise it and vice versa... but yeah it's just the fact that every comeback it feels like there's a loud group of ppl acting like the the album design or concept photos are the most boring things ever and it's the end of the world when it's really not that serious. and it's okay to not like things without making a big deal out of it or ruining others' fun

and i also totally think it's fine to wish for a certain concept! i too would like to see svt with swords!! but also 9 years into svt's career and they still stick to a pretty realistic concept and don't have lore... i feel like people shouldn't be shocked and upset every comeback that this is the case (and i was just using swords as an example i'm not directing this at you specifically)

like maybe it's time for some people to accept that if they want super crazy fantastical concept photos they shouldn't look to svt for that bc it's just not part of their brand. and if some day they do a concept like that i'm sure it will be super fun and cool and we will all be excited! but people shouldn't be upset when we don't get that since svt and pledis have given us no reason to have that expectation and that is also okay. and it doesn't mean the design or concepts themselves are inherently bad

[floweryrkive]

honestly, i think cancelling yunjin is so stupid. it's one cup of starbucks.. and buying/drinking starbucks or mcdonalds or anything does not necessarily mean that the person who bought it supports israel. You call her ignorant when ur literally cancelling people over food and other stupid stuff."oh but they support israel!" let me ask you something, is boycotting actually doing something? Theres little evidence on how boycotting has affected anything, and the only thing thats happening is annoying people. I feel bad for the people, and i dont support israel, but its so fucking annoying seeing this happen. Grow up. ive literally seen ppl who supported palestine start hating this whole thing bc of the countless petty and annoying things.

i was thinking about whether i should answer this or delete this because i knew there was going to be someone who would say this exact stuff at one point after i would say i won't be writing for yunjin for now.

let's break it down :

I am NOT cancelling her, nor have i mentioned anywhere that she should be cancelled ( i think cancel culture is a whole lot of toxicity which is another topic) I am merely disappointed in her actions because she has faced this situation before and tell me one thing, if she had faced this same thing before and that time she responded accordingly ( which was deleting the post and apologising actually) would she not know how this would affect her/look abt her viewpoints? Also the fact that Jake from Enhypen ( her co-worker mind you.) apologised immediately after being called out for consuming st@rbucks on live is saying a lot too isn't it?

One starbucks...i can't even think of how stupid this statement is. She's a CELEBRITY. Her influence matters! Why do you think they do advertisements and shit with them?!

It's not just food! It's multinational companies directly funding these terrorist groups that commit genocides! st@rbucks and mcdon@lds are apart of these MNCS! And before you come and say the SK starbucks is not associated with the American one, they are still paying for using the brand name.

No one's claiming she's a zi0nist, but considering the fact that there's literally a hybe boycott going on rn due to them working with 🛵( a very raging zion!st who has literal proof of his support of isr@el as well as messaging pro-palestine armys is very telling) her still buying is obviously going to be showing a lot about her ignorance ???

and don't get me started on boycotting not working because if you lookup on twitter there's enough proof that these companies are pulling strings to literally gain sales that are dropping drastically!

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the main issue comes when this is turned into a fuckass fanwar instead of simply calling these idols out for consuming these products. stop defending her actions when clearly she is aware of everything going on ( she's literally the most online member in lesserafim, she has a coworker who apologised for consuming st@rbucks, there's trucks that are in front of that damn hybe building to urge them to stop working with 🛵) and the people you're talking abt hating this thing are hating it because fans like you are being so tone deaf and blindly defending these idols, turning this into fanwars!

all you had to do was search abt this instead of blindly accepting her actions but instead you choose to come into my inbox telling me to grow up.

i don't mean any malice or hate towards you, but please, look into why exactly people are calling her out, don't lose your moral sense over this. i hope you are able to see the issue soon enough. have a good day.

[markatoto]

I don't know whether you're a big drinker or not, but I wonder: what are your top five/five go do alcoholic bevvies? (I don't drink/I don't know are perfectly acceptable answers, I'm just curious)

im actually not a big drinker but when the mood strikes, i am very much a cider guy! i dont know if i have a top five... so ill just list off the top 5 most common things i throw back when i get in the drinky mood and we'll call that the top five, if thats okay with you guys! 1. like i said, i am a cider guy. most times im feelin drinky, i grab myself a crisp cider for that good good time. in particular, my go to is a green apple sommersby, its cool, refreshing and just very nice to drink. great on most occasions, especially a hot summers' day!

2. sometimes if i wanna get sillay, then having a vodka is a REAL nice way of getting to that point. i dont know what brands are good or whats a good vodka overall, but i remember there was a time in my life where i was getting, no joke, these small crystal skull vodkas pretty often. what can i say, they looked cool...

3. i am NOT a beer person what-so-ever, but if we end up going to a local bar and they have local drinks, i do fancy this local brand called "Jelly King", which is, to me, the best beer that tastes the least like a beer, in my opinion. it's good, but its entirely a local brew only option. otherwise, i dont really fuck with most beers

4. okay, i know this is going to be the answer of answers for most drinks, but sometimes a CLAW (whiteclaw) can just set the mood right. it's light, refreshing, cheap, and (mostly) tastes good. and you can have a good amount of em and feel that sillay at a certain point. if i had a favourite flavour, it's probably the lime.

5. okay, this is going to be EXTRA silly, and its been a while since ive had one, but honestly, there was this root beer vodka that i remember thoroughly enjoying from a couple years ago. i REALLY liked it but thats more for like... a special treat time. it's also extremely silly. very very goofy aah drink. small shoutouts to smirnoff for also being another funny little drink thats relatively cheap AND if you drink enough of it you can definitely get into sillay mode with it. in particular, i like the berry blast flavor that tastes like a melted popsicle. but yeah, its fine, if not juvenile LOL

and thats about all i think of off the top of my head! i hope that was good enough!

[credulouscanidae]

i feel like this year has been a huge bust mentally

i didnt wanna be like this still by christmas, let alone the new year

i dont want it to become march and im still like this, a whole year since moving by then.

but i can feel myself improving, funny enough.

ive spent a lot of this time in despair and grief, and i was giving myself a time limit on those feelings. which made me unable to meet my own expectations, which made me recede and become unable to challenge myself, because i wsa constantly setting myself up for failure to begin with. it feels impossible to do a challenge youre already failing before you begin.

and i have been self aware this whole time too, having that logical part of me talk me through it all. i can look back at myself almost in a third person, as ive always done, and see all the connections as to why im feeling and therefore behaving this way.

so instead of sitting around punishing myself, ive been /trying/ to tell myself theres no time limit on adjustment, and that i am strong enough to pull through. even if i come out of this being disliked. ive put so much energy into being anxious about what people think of me, that ive caused my own cycle of not being able to face it.

i have been acutely aware this whole time that others can only do so much for me, and in the end the only person who can change my situation is me. for me to find that inner strength to do that.

i feel like a lot of the noise has quietened down now. because i had to suddenly grapple with not only accepting my old life was changing, but that i had to suddenly build up a brand new life from scratch with very little support. but the life building in england is finally feeling...like i can do it. things feel less confusing and daunting, the roads feel less scary to navigate, i know where to go for what i need now, and ive been falling into daily routines again. which i didnt have when i first arrived. it's like my roots are finally burying in. and thats making incorporating my aussie roots back into my life feel a bit more doable.

i WANT to have voice chats with friends, or have a casual hello. i dont want to be like this. having a twisted tummy and palpitating heart every time i see a new notification on my phone. i havent even cleared my notif bar on my phone for months, out of fear of seeing a message i havent checked from so long ago. there is so much literal and mental clutter. and i want to be free of all of these notifs and emails etc. its not anyones fault but mine. i WANT to be more engaged, i feel homesick and miss everyone. and i HATE that those feelings dominate my behaviour, and how EASY it is to fall into a self fulfilling prophecy. i hate how it makes me a neglectful friend and family member.

but, with therapy, and settling into my life here. i think i can slowly work my way up to getting over all of this. i really. really. REALLY. fucking want to. i want to draw again, i want to learn how to sculpt, i want to be involved in peoples lives again. because right now, im finding it hard to even humour the idea of making friends here in the uk, because of how guilty that would make me feel, and how not ready i am to make new connections, especially cuz i would rather reinforce connection with existing people in my life.

again. self fulfilling. all that does is make me continue to be lonely.

but as i said, it's slowly getting better. i feel bad about how negative ive been all this time. i just want people to know that, in regards to my relationship, i AM happy. and i know that 10 years from now im going to look back on all of this with evren and go "fuck man that was a lot huh"

you cant hate yourself into loving yourself, and thats something that has kept my spark going, even when it's been one bad thought away from fizzling out.

im trying to be easier on myself. i know that all of this can exist at the same time as me having negative effects on others (which i guess is just an assumption to begin with) and i am not immune to causing that damage. but honestly? right now in this moment, im trying to give myself some compassion and lenience. because ive spent years and years feeling anxious and being hyper vigilant about my behaviour and how i affect others, that i have barely taken the time to consider myself and be healthy and strong in my core self. as they say, assume the best unless told otherwise. thats going to be a goal of mine. i always assume good intentions from people, even to a detriment, so i hope to take that view and shape it into a healthier outlook. maybe not everyone has their best intentions or insight, but i think overall people are just trying. god, in this goddamn fucked up world, all we can do is try.

and thats why i need to be more lenient.

sorry for all the tangents and sloppy execution. im probably in the acceptance stage of grief atm lmao, and im tired of being like this.

[magnoliamyrrh]

wait sry this is gonna b dark tw or some shit

one of the most frustrating conversations ive had w a friend that like. keeps haunting me. was one on how to protect ppl & kids from sa (the conversation being that in a world after idk a revolution, they were arguing we shouldnt just kill all pedos, bc somehow even killing them is bad/inhumaine or even keeping them captive their whole lives is inhumaine, we should just brand them so everyone knows and relese them. and i was like no sorry this is insane, theyre still way too fucking dangerous and im not taking any god damn chances, im shooting them right in the head or at the very least ill accept castration and both hands being cut off and being exiled incredibly far away which frankly, is more cruel than death and means a slow death or at the very least im locking them away somewhere. f o r e v e r) but. part of this conversation was abt teaching children to protect themselves from sa, which, important, society particularly ppl who raise kids dont have it enough and dont teach kids enough anatomy and "tell me if x happens no matter what" sorta stuff and parents dont know the signs to look for and shit. but like idk. while we were talking abt it and i said like, especially in this idk scenario being discussed but in any world, thats not enough. like, thats not enough, theres still cases in which this wont actually stop or do shit and we cant let known fucking pedos run around just bc theyre branded. and this person was straight up staunchly arguing with me that nope, nope teaching kids works 100% of the time and it would be 100% avoidable and i was just there like???? motherfucker apart from the fact that children at times end up isolated and theyre vulnerable and cant just like run away to their parents at suspicious shit, and that i care more abt prevention than it not happening again bc once is already bad fucking enough,,z,,, i just had to get to the point of arguing like. my bro you cant teach a nonverbal child this shit. you literally cant. and they kept pushing and i was so frustrated bc its like. like please fucking explain to me what anyone could have taught me when i was a toddler and barely fucking spoke or understood shit at all and had approximately 0 strengh to "protect myself." please.explain a single god damn fucking thing i could have done when i was like. 2. or less or even 3 and anyway already had attachment and trust issues. f u c k i n g p l e a s e. tell me what i could have possibly fucking done. uhm. anyway. mentally processing just like utter helplessness in the face of evil which has fucked me up for a lifetime uhm, was not pleasant. im, like, not okay lmao. anyway. we should kill them all

[t4tpumpkinduo]

cquackbur<3

okay. listen to me. to an extent, i support and agree, and i can be understanding on the base appeal and i can go so far to meet halfway and say maybe i kind of like it sometimes maybe. but to act like the fandom's treatment of everyone involved hasn't deeply soured me on it would be 👍a lie.

first off, i feel like it's the klance of the dsmp lmao. ppl more obsessed w a sharply to the left idealized version of something rather than what's actually on screen, and it's kind of almost insulting to me, because there IS so much there to be enjoyed and explored and unpacked, and yet its squandered bcs people just can't stop being fucking insane and weird abt it and that leads well into my point abt ppl being insane and weird abt cee wilbur ill get to that right now actually.

ive mentioned before that i really really despise the woobification of wilbur in the fan base and that deffo doesn't change in tntduo spaces, if anything it's worse. i feel like people are very eager to scrub away his flaws and agency to make him very palatable, more easy to defend and consume instead of accepting the complexity that their guy kinda sucks bad and that's OKAY 👍 he's deeply hurt and complicated and painfully human, and he's understandable i fucking feel for the guy i really do, but he's also. he can also be very very selfish, and very cruel, and very quick to hurt others in a pursuit to feel good about himself and only himself and it isn't. okay. and he does this a lot w quackity.

wilbur isn't nice to q. he doesn't seem to particularly respect him, not really see him as an "equal" and ESPECIALLY not originally, and while he does come around a bit more, he still puts q on a weird pedestal that q bristles at more than people like to think. and in that tntduo haze, along w that specific brand of wilbur soot apologism, people brush right past those kinda flaws and just. ugh.

one good example of this is the fanbase general consensus of "omggg look at nikis birthday party 😻 look at their romance!!" like wilbur didn't spend the latter half of that calling q worthless and only good to be looked at (something quackity explicitly goes over and over hey fellas can you please not do that to me if i don't ask for it. please.) and the schlatt's bitch isms and then pulling a long ass PURPOSEFUL powerplay where q had to practically beg him to calm down and listen and not blow up manburg, if he could please just give him a chance to talk to schlatt, and niki in the bg of her own party clamoring for wilbur to look at Her abt it please talk to Her abt it and him flatly ignoring her to fuck around w q. but yeah true love♡♡ yeah im sure q walked away from that one incredibly smitten.

or another great example, the way all of hitting on 16 tends to be treated. this interesting conflicting story that shows quackity DOES like parts of wilburs back and forths, he clearly does care abt him, he is clearly having a degree of fun, and just like before wilbur can't stop taking it too far, and people ignoring all of it for ship fodder like thats not a good chunk of the story 😭 the scene where q went "sit down wilbur." and wilbur listening being treated as some fucking weird sexual thing, like it's not quackity coldly shutting down wilbur after he spent 10 minutes calling him stupid and ugly and worthless and then making fun of his scar, q making it a POINT to shut it down and that he's Done w this conversation and then calling wilbur pathetic for it, and wilbur explicitly scrambling over himself because he knew he crossed another line. but lmao yeah true love 👍i too love when my suitors purposely go out of their way to say the most vile shit to me imaginable and then get upset when i go cut that shit out.

even the later scene w tubbo is a great example, their physical fight, it being treated as some ohh it's it SEXY when q pushes wil into a wall like the man isn't genuinely fucking furious at tubbo being put in such danger again be SERIOUS and for WHY. so wilbur can kill his horse for no fucking reason because he "messed w him" BY DOING WHATTTT 😭😭😭 imagine his plan went through and he kills ossium and q is left standing there behind the glass oh real romantic id swoon. girl i would KILL HIM ‼️

and also uhh the fact a lot of tntduors are like plain racist to q can i say that. 👍 can i say that. sorry for being upset abt it.

i have more points too, the way karlnapity or pumpkinduo will be treated in regards to it n again those two have heavy flaws 😬!! im aware!!! i am aware and acknowledge, but to flanderize and criticize both those relationships, to the point of Making Shit Up to make tntduo look better in comparison and then replicating those v critiques within that space because you think it's hot. well be serious is the thing :heart_hands:

anyways, despite my critiques i do find it enjoyable on occasion, i do think it can be so interesting and snappy and (sorry) kismises like in the sense of a rivalry w GENUINE respect and acknowledgement, that push to be better that rush to improve and also gay sex and then maybe...gay love? 😳 but for that to be possible the respect has to become more undeniable it HAS to be both ways and consistent and i feel like more often that not it just isn't the case. and the fandom stuff i have mentioned. pissed me the fuck off forever.

7.5/10 ssorry sorry sso srry don't look at me

EDI: 0/10 FUCK CTNT WHAT WAS I ON

[hiddenreflections]

"You have to keep me under control without making me have a hate kick. When you accept me and love me you have to be careful not to let that control you either and give me to much room to consume our life. You need to be mindful of every step you take. You might hate the metaphor of the leash but I am not the one in charge and theres a damn good reason for that. Of course im not your dog. Of course im not a slave. Of course youre not actually in charge of me. But youre the one who holds the keys. You have the shittiest task of all of em. You need to keep me under control. I dont see how the leash is a bad metaphor for that? You need to keep me hidden enough that no one ever gets I even exist. You cant even tell the doctors about me because you fear their response. I am what makes you afraid. I think youre afraid of me in a very honouring way. You desire me. You want to be like me without any of the pity, but youre smart and strong enough not to be. Ill never be enough. The way I am ill never be enough. Because im not strong enough to change on my own. Im weak. I didnt invent myself. I mimicked someone else. I had it easy. I didnt have to juggle life. I simply existed in my cave. Im branded for life. I took it on for you. I wanted to protect you from me thats why I let you front when I was about to.. hurt someone that way. I let you have the body back. Im not no one to you anymore, you respect me for the sacrifices I made. I didnt do any of it in vain. This respect is all I ever wanted and needed. And youre telling me it is not enough that I need to ask for more. Do you not understand how damaged I am from the trauma I took on? I dont need more. I can be glad you want me around at all after all the havoc I caused. The suicide attempt I forced you to do. I abused you just as much as he did to me. I put it all on you. I put it on your friend. I put it on other people. Im not innocent. And still you want me. You love me. You need me. I fascinate you. You like what you see when you look at me. You like how I feel. It scares you. I could - do you really not want me here? Do front ever again? Why, you dont trust me? Yet you need me. Think of me. Want to cure what there is to cure. To help me change. To conform to your beliefs and ideals. To become someone you could accept into you. I feel aroused at the idea of being trapped with you too. To be chained to you. You offered this to me back then, as a sort of peace offering when I was still fighting you every day.

You told me theres nowhere you could go, that this meant I am already in complete control, no matter how badly I hurt you you couldnt go anywhere. You said that feels like love to you. Not being able to escape. Having nowhere to go. Because it meant having to accept me. It also meant having someone that could never leave you. You tried to make yourself sound so ugly, like youd ever actually want to hurt me back. Like you ever wanted to actually punish me for any of this. Of course you said im just as trapped with you. But its not the same, not at all. You dont get off to hurting me. All you wanna do is be good to me, nice to me, yes, also be sexual and get off with me. Have me take care of you. Make your life easier. Not enact revenge. Be smart. Point things out to you. I know I felt pleasant to you. But there was something true to your idea, something I could respect, because id never be able to run away from what ive done to you. Thats where you got me. I would always have to life with the consequences of what I was doing to you. I was a prisoner of my own actions towards you. Im not getting another host. Another body. And I consider myself damn lucky that for some damn reason you decided to love me so much in spite of everything I put you through. Because youre right, im just as much of a prisoner as you are. I cant go anywhere. Youre more the body than ill ever be, this is your life. This is your life. I am part of you not the other way around. I am not in charge and I dont need to be. Sure I want control, I desire it, but where would I lead us? Right in the fucking ground. So sure ill let you lead. And you better make it worthwhile. Because we dont have anyone else to do this. Thats your job. So its my job to follow.

Wasnt that a peace offering back then? You might not consider it that. But I did. You caught me in a lie I kept telling myself, that im independent of you, and that one day maybe id be able to take over, that id get to tell my story to a particular friends of yours, I did have want and needs for this life. But none of them appropiate. None of them as developed or full as yours. I didnt want a life. I wanted revenge. I wanted to hurt people. I didnt have any passions or interests like you had.

I wanted to be caught as well. I wanted you to catch me in the act. I wanted you to find a way to stop me. I didnt want to take your life from you. You needed to show me youre stronger than me, and in some way you showed me you are. Because who else couldve survived all that? You were trapped with me for atleast one year. And it was hell. It was hell on earth. Until you made me see im just as trapped with you. What I was doing is insane.

I love my life in chains. Doesnt that sound ridiculous to you?

I wanted you to love me, more than anything, thats the joke of it all. I already had your love and I couldnt see it. You loved me just for existing. Just for doing what I did. Youd love me no matter what, im sure of it. Youd never forget me. You would never do that. I matter more than the others because im the only one that caught you. Im the only one that understood you. Im the only one that knew what you needed and im the only one that was willing to give it to you.

I know you needed me. I always knew it. I wouldnt be here if you didnt.

I wasnt warm like this before. Ever.

I feel insecure now. See, im trapped with you. You said that is beautiful. You said its beautiful that we can never separate. We can never let go of each other. You said thats either very beautiful or total hell, and it really depends on us to make it either.

I dont want to life in hell. I already had enough of hell.

You can be my heaven. You can be all that I need. You can give me the freedom I require, you can have the freedom you need. All I ask is that you never forget me, that you continue to feel that way.

Because I matter. Because im important."

[girlcowboy1]

Mmmm i think a middle part accentuates all my freakish ugly features but i like it better than a side part it feels more comfortable...like i just vibe with it. Whereas when i part my hair to the side it makes me feel grotesque even tho it allegedly makes me look better. Also middle part is my natural part so maybe its just my lot in life to be a troll and i need to accept it. Like how lately ive accepted im just never gonna be the girly who dresses so pretty and wears brand name clothes........i like sweats i like baggy shit. Im ok with tighter clothes in the summer tho bc it get hot as fuck and thats more uncomfortable to me then like. Whatever else is going on

[pixiesfondlingmyballs]

boutta become a winter skirts + tights fits kinda gay

[zhuhongs]

All I do is overshare abt myself through guardian lmao

[dump-troy-marry-me]

ive been rewatching the hulu version of the pilot since discovering that its different and i am so angry that this was not the version that aired it shouldve been. so much characterization was cut.

im gonna talk abt it under the cut so if you havent watched the hulu/dvd version yet and want to without knowing how its different you can avoid this

we lost SO MUCH of Jeff in the final cut. the original greatly expands his banter with Duncan; they acrually seem like old friends in this cut, and has Duncan mention that Jeff connected his traffic ticket to 9/11 in his court case, which makes that 9/11 gag 1x05 so much funnier.

they also cut Jeff explicitly saying that he was RAISED ON TV which is. i cannot fathom how you could in good consience cut that. that is so important not just for Jeff's character but also for laying the groundwork for his friendship with Abed which is absolutely one of the most important relationships of this first season.

they also cut Abed and Jeff both indepently telling Britta that she looks like Elizabeth Shue at 2 different points in the episode which rlly starts to paint the idea of how alike Jeff and Abed actually are, again a building a block for that relationship.

the "whats your deal" scene is expanded and. britta was in the peace corps?? she dropped out of college bc she "thought it would impress radiohead" (which is. so on brand). she went to a world trade rally and was tear gassed there. (honestly i think this being cut was in service of the 1x02 plot where britta's activism is vv preformative but. thats makes me more angry tbh)

theres also this moment about Troy's letterman that touches on the deeper themes of preformance and self-acceptance that are present throughout his entire arc. and, less important, this scene is actually the first time we get Troy using the phrase "wrinkling my brain"

im just. im so disappointed that this was not the version that aired it is quite honestly a far superior episode in terms of how it introduces its characters