#im not ready to like anyone right now like i really have So Many issues that are pronounced by relationships bc i cant accept love at all b

[luvyeni]

GUYS MY AGE ,, 이민호

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ lee know x fem!reader wc. 6.2k+

genre. neighbors!au , smut

𓄷 includes ... cheating, unprotected sex, oral ( m. receiving ), literally the mother isn't the only sane person im sorry THIS IS PURE FICTION

「 authors note 𖹭 」 here it is the fic , i hope you like it 😅

❪ masterlist! ❫

guys your age never really appealed to you— you liked older men— blame it on your daddy issue, you didn't care; something about an older man just made your heart go crazy— and your panties wet.

“you need to find something to do this summer while you're home.” your mother said, you had made your return home from college for the summer, ready to soak up the sun by your pool in the backyard. “how about getting a job, the couple next door is looking for a babysitter for their three kids while they work.”

your mom watched your face scrunch up in disgust. “why would I want to babysit their sticky children?” you scoffed, picking at your freshly painted nails. “how do you plan on making money then?” you sighed, of course you already planned for this. “Mom, don't worry, I've got it all covered.” you smiled reassuringly; and you weren't lying, you did— but could you really tell your mother you planned on getting money from the many older men you managed to seduce during your time at college. “you better, don't just rot in your room all summer.”

“what if i go help the old lady across the street?” you asked standing up to put your dish in the sink. “Will that ease your worries, mother?” of course you didn't want to do it, but it would make your mother happy. “oh i didn't tell you?” she said, you shook your head, telling her to continue. “her children moved her to a nursing home.” you felt your lip curl up into a smirk. “good she was a bitch.” you said, the grumpy old lady could never stay out of your business. “I really would've hated doing that.”

“yeah she was wasn't she?” she chuckled. “Anyways, the couple who moved in there have only been here for about a month; I see the lady when I'm on my way to work.” she said. “The husband I'm pretty sure stays at home and work— you should introduce yourself, let them know who you are.” you really didn't want to; but the look in your mother's eyes, you could tell she wasn't asking you. “Fine, I'll do it later, happy?” your mother turned the water off, kissing your head. “ecstatic, im gonna get ready for work.”

“what are you doing?” jisung spoke through the phone; your bestest friend in the whole world— and your biggest enemy too. “well since you decided to flee the fucking country this summer; leaving me here.” you scoffed. “I'm stuck here rotting in my home.” you saw him smile; you scoffed before he spoke up. “Sorry, it was a last minute trip with felix.” Felix was his boyfriend; his very rich boyfriend. “yeah well while you're being wined and dined throughout europe, i’m stuck here.” you laid flat on your stomach, legs in the air.

“Remember when you left me in the dorms during spring break?” he asked. “And that business man took you to hawaii? consider this as pay back.” you rolled your eyes. “fuck you, that trip was horrible anyway, all he did was work and complain about how much he hated his hate wife— we had sex once the entire trip.” you scoffed. “You got a Gucci bag out of it though.” you hummed; he was right. “best thing to come out of it.”

“oh yeah.” you were now sitting up. “Remember the old lady across the street from me?” you asked. “yeah she was a bitch.” you nodded. “Her kids finally did everyone a favor and put her in a home.” he clapped. “good riddance, so did anyone move in that house?” you hummed. “yeah a married couple, mom wants me to introduce myself, let them know i'll be here for the summer.”

“yeah it would be confusing to see a girl in a skimpy ass bathing suit sunbathing in her front yard.” you shrugged; the sun just hit better in the front of your house. “Keep her husband on a leash, like the rest of the house wives on your street do when they see you coming, I wouldn't be too surprised if they already got to her.” you laughed, you never really cared what those women thought about you; you never really cared about their husbands, it was more so the other way around. “I really don't care about those housewives, their problem is their husbands and their wandering eyes, not me.” You defended.

“I should go introduce myself before my mom gets home.” you said. “Yeah, I have to go, Felix wants to go for food; call you later?” you nodded. “Yeah, if you aren't getting your back blown out.” his face turned red. “He's in the room.” he gritted through his teeth. “hi yn.” you heard his deep voiced boyfriend shout. “Hi Felix.” you laughed. “I hate you so much.” jisung said, you laughed. “Love you too!” You waved goodbye, hanging up the phone.

You didn't bother getting yourself together; throwing on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top— they're your neighbors, the next time you'd see them is when you're dragging your exhausted body back into your home from your morning run, and that's even worse.

you made your way out of your house; knocking on the door of the house, your phone buzzing— jisung sending you a photo of his french cuisine. “lucky bitch.” you typed into your phone. “Bring me back a souvenir from paris.” you didn't bother to look up from your phone, so you didn't hear the door open. “Excuse me?”

The deep voice made you look up from your device; and it was like a god was standing right in front of you. “How can I help you?” he asked , you shook every dirty thought that ran through your head at that moment; putting your phone away. “O-oh sorry.” you chuckled. “I didn't hear the door open.”

The man was clearly at least a decade older than you; you could see the few gray hairs in his head— that didn't matter to you though. “I said how can I help you?” he said, his voice deep and sexy. “I'm yn, I live across the street.” you pointed. “my mother thought it would be a good idea to introduce myself so there wouldn't be any confusion this summer.” you said. “I just got home from college for summer break.”

“College?” He said, you nodded. “yup, my second year is done!” You chirped, this corner of his mouth curling into a smirk. “You won't be a problem right?” You were taken aback by the question, he chuckled. “Parties love, pretty girl like you; surely you're popular.” he said, but you stopped at him calling you pretty; smiling widely at him. “I won't have to worry about loud music and young adults passing out in your front yard right?” you could see his eyes wandering down; stopping right at your chest. “My wife hates the music you kids listen to.”

Right, his wife; he was married, the way he was practically trying to look through your shirt made you forget. “Oh no sir, most of my friends are on vacation.” he nodded. “im minho.” he held his hand out. “Well it's nice to meet you, yn.” he said, you nodded; your eyes scaling his body, much like he did to you; he was pretty fit for someone his age. “How old are you sir?” he raised his eyebrows; what an odd question. “34.” just around your age range. “and since we're asking those kinds of questions,” he said. “May I ask how old you are?” maybe it was a delusion, or maybe he actually was flirting with you— whatever it was, you liked it. “I'm 23 sir.”

“You're still pretty young,” he said; you tilted your head to the side, folding your arm with a frown. “but I am an adult.” you challenged; he nodded, clicking his tongue almost in an annoyed state; it made you smirked; you could read him like a book; he hated being challenged. “still a young girl in my eyes.” you wanted to roll your eyes, and he could see that; he could read you as much as you could him. “I have to get back to work now.” He said, you stepped back. “I'm sure you have things as well, whatever you little girls do these days.” he said, watching your jaw clench. “Remember, no loud crazy parties.”

“Can't promise that sir, it is summer.” was the last thing you said, before turning away; crossing the street, leaving him standing there, watching you go into the house; also getting a peek of your ass. He smirked, walking back into his house, closing the door. “Who was that?” He was quickly brought back to reality by his wife's voice. “at the door, who was it?”

“Oh the woman across the street.” he said walking straight past her into the kitchen. “What did she bring this time?” She followed behind him. “She's sent over 3 plates of cookies in the past month we've been here.” she said. “they aren't even that good; mines are way better.” minho rolled his eyes, they actually weren't, he knew the lady ran her own bakery and his wife barely knew the difference between melted and softened butter. “Of course they are honey.”

“So where are they?” she asked, searching for a plate. “The cookies.” She said, “Oh, you didn't let me finish.” Yeah he was being condescending, but his wife never noticed. “It wasn't her, it was her daughter,” he said, opening the fridge for water. “She's home from college.” He went to walk away, but his wife stood in front of him, her face in a frown. “how may I help you? I need to get back to work.”

“You are to stay away from that girl.” She said, he stared at her confused. “I mean it's not like I'm gonna ask her to come out and get beers with me, she's 23; we have nothing in common.” he said, trudging past his wife, making his way up the stairs. “She's a college student.” he said; very attractive but a college student nonetheless.

he made it back to his office, about to close the door and get back to work; when his wife burst in. “What is now?” He said sitting down. “The other wives.” she started. “They told me things about that girl.” She said, “like what?” He said; what could you have done to offend the housewives of the block. “Back talked to them in an argument; she's a young girl, they all do that.” he laughed, he could believe it; he witnessed it only a few minutes ago — except it turned him on.

he watched his wife scoff, he adjusted himself in his pants as she closed her eyes letting out a big sigh; he felt a rant coming on. “No, they told me she's been seducing their husbands since the day she turned 18.” He looked at his wife. “what?” he said. “Yeah, wearing tiny tiny clothes; flirting with their husbands, and her mother is none the wiser.” he shook his head. “Is she really seducing them, or is she a young pretty girl and they're just bitter miserable wives who can't control their husbands' wandering eyes?”

“Are you defending her?” he sighed, rubbing his temples; he didn't really want to have this conversation. “no I'm not honey, I'm just saying don't believe everything these housewives say.” He said. “yeah well I don't trust her, so stay away from her.” she said, he nodded; just ready to get her out of the room, he was busy; and not to mention his cock was hardening at the thought of you in one of those tiny tiny outfits the desperate housewives told his wife about. “yeah fine, I'll stay away from her.”

“Thank you.” she bent down kissing his forehead. “I love when you actually listen to me.” She said smugly as she walked out closing the door; it pissed him off, not like his banter with you— no that turned him on. “fuck.” he sighed doubling over , his cock throbbing in his pants, you were already driving him crazy.

You hadn't seen him much after that; only glimpses of him walking into his house with groceries, or getting into his car, and even then he looked good; making the spot in between your legs tingle — sure he was married, but it wasn't like you were doing anything wrong; what's wrong with a little fantasy inside your head, something to think about late at night when you had your hand down your sleep shorts, pretending it was him in between your legs, his hands instead of yours.

you did see his wife though, even though it was against your will every single time; and you hated it every single time, she ran the same route as you in the morning but at a later time; so when you were finishing your walk; she was just starting hers.

“Goodmorning.” Her smile was so fake as you slowed down , stopping in front of your mailbox. “How are you?” she yelled from across the street. “I’m fine.” You smiled , so desperate to get into the house; you were sweating and hungry— and you really didn't want to talk to this lady. “I'm good.” You said. “No plans this summer?” she asked. “Not really; most of my friends are back where I go to college.”

She then went on a rant of all the different jobs you could be doing. “Baby sitting, have you ever thought about that; of course you'd have to change your wardrobe a bit , it would be a bit inappropriate to wear some of the things you wear around kids wouldn't it?” this bitch was really working on your nerves. “If you have any kids , then I would be happy to watch them.”

“God no.” There he was again, walking out of the door. “No kids here,” he said. “We have our three cats and that's it.” his eyes scanning your outfit; your skin still glistening with sweat; he was seriously checking you out in front of his wife. “Well I love cats!” you jumped a bit; tits bouncing at the impact. “So cute.”

You knew what you were doing; and so did minho— his wife was quick to end the conversation between you too. “Well I'm sure you're busy, and it's time for my run.” she said. “And don't you have to feed the cats honey?” she said, turning to him, grabbing his arm. “what? oh yeah the cats.” He said. “yeah the cats , go feed them.” she said. “Okay baby.” he said; she turned to you smugly. “Well I better get going.” She said before she started down the street catching up with the other wives she ran with.

“Your wife doesn't like me very much.” He stopped; turning where you stood across the street, in a sports bra that held your tits perfectly; leggings that made your ass pop; and a smirk on your face— he so desperately wanted to fuck off. “I don't know she seemed to like you very much.” you knew he was joking. “it would be inappropriate to wear some of the things you wear, she basically called me a whore in housewives language.” You chuckled , folding your arms under your tits , forcefully pushing your boobs up. “don't worry, I don't care; the housewives on this block have said worse.”

“yeah like what?” he said , stuffing his hands into his pockets. “that I'm just a whore put on earth to seduce their husbands.” you said , a laugh following. “I'm not worried about their husbands, but I can't say the same for their husbands.” You shrugged. “oh really?” He said, you nodded. “but hey it's not my problem, they like to stare.” you shrugged, he did that sexy eyebrow raise again. “They do, don't they?”

Fuck you knew what you were doing; and not only did it piss him off, it fucking turned him on. “I can't say I don't like the attention though.” you said, watching him shift from side to side. “who wouldn't?” he had to get away before he came across the street and dragged you into his house; then he heard it, the meow of the cats. “oh shit.” he said, making you laugh. “time to feed the cats sir.” You waved. “Have a nice day.” you made your way into the house, making sure to sway your hips, giving him a good view of your ass.

“I'm telling you sung he wants to fuck me.” you said; your friend shook his head. “Wow, that took you not only a week.” He said. “He's married, no?” You shrugged. “and that's my problem?” You said. “I said he wants to fuck me, he knows he married.” Morally yes it was fucked up, but you didn't really care. “yeah but the wife already hates you, she finds out you want to fuck her husband.” he said. “you've never seen an episode of snapped? deadly women?” you shook your head. “i’d rather start the semester with you and not the memory of you.”

“How hot is he exactly?” you sent him a photo that you stole from his social media— yes you stalked him. “Oh wow.” he said. “yah.” You heard felix in the background. “Hey lix.” you said. “yn don't die trying to fuck a married man.” The blonde said. “I won't lix don't worry, don't kill my friend in milan.” you responded. “i can't promise you that if he doesn't stop looking at that fucking photo.” you laughed as he slapped the phone. “hey! let me talk to my friend in peace.”

“you want to fuck him too huh?” you heard him say. “no you know I only want to fuck you.” you shook your head. “i'm hanging up before I witness a live amateur porn.” you said. “Call me later.” You hung up. “Now what?” you said.

You decided to go sunbathing; finding your favorite bikini, grabbing your towel and sunscreen and favorite book. “Where's my daughter off now?” your mom said. “sunbathing.” you said grabbing some snacks. “In the front yard?” You nodded. “Have fun, I have work today.” you hummed, making your way outside, you set up your things right in front; taking your shirt off laying down on the towel , feeling the sun beaming down on you.

“Are you kidding me?” minho heard his wife's voice. “Is she serious right now?” He stood up from his office chair , making his way to their shared room, where his wife was standing in front of the window. “What's wrong now?” He said. “she's out there in a bikini and shorts; laying in the sun.”

“Okay?” He said, she scoffed. “Everyone can see her , what kind of slut wears that in front of her house.” she said, he made his way over to the window. “There's no one out there.” He said, she glared at him. “Move, I'm going to the grocery store.” she pushed past him. “You already went to the grocery store.” he said following behind. “this is for the barbeque.” she said. “What barbeque?” he said , they both made their way outside to the car. “I told you we're hosting the barbeque at our house.”

“seriously; we just moved here,” he said. “even more reason for us to do it.” she picked his lips. “Who's gonna be there?” he asked. “Everyone on the block.” he did not feel comfortable having all those people running in and out of his house, but his wife was dead set, so it was already set and stone. “Hello!” The couple turned their heads to the voice.

“I'm off.” your mom came out of the house. “Okay!” you said looking up from the book. “Oh there go the Lee's.” she said , you sat up watching the couple walk out of the house. “Hello!” your mom waved brightly at them. “Oh hello!” You covered your eyes from the sun. “Yn don't be rude, say hello.” Your mom said. “Hi.” you waved, his wife didn't say anything. “Hello yn.” he said, you smiled at the way he said your name. “Where are you two off to today?” your mom asked. “Oh just to get some things for the barbeque we're throwing for the block.”

“Oh that sounds fun!” your mom said. “you're welcome to come.” she turned to you; her smile was different towards you than your mother. “You to yn, you're both welcomed.” she said, the invitation mostly towards your mom. “Oh thank you, we'll be there.” the other woman nodded. “Great!” you and minho made eye contact , you smiled. “can't wait.”

It was finally the day of the barbeque; your mother forcing you across the street with the cookies in her hand. “You're not gonna rot in the bed today.” You groaned. “i don't want to be here with these people.” she ignored you, knocking on the door. “It's only for an hour.” she said. “you know that cute boy down the street, he'll be here.” she winked , you cringed. “Why do you keep trying to marry me off to him?” you said. “because you can't spend all your time with jisung, even he has a boyfriend.”

the door opened , minho stood there. “hello.” your mom held out the plate of cookies. “mhm , my favorite.” he smiled. “thank you.” he stood to the side. “Everyone is in the back,” he said. “Thank you for inviting us.” your mother said. “No problem, you've been so nice to us with these cookies ever since we moved here,” he said. “Me and my wife really enjoy them,” he said. “I'm glad , come by the shop and I'll give you some free cupcakes.” she said. “Thank you ma’am.”

You two made it to the back where everyone was. “There's seungmin over there.” your mom pointed. “go talk to him.” Minho watched you stomp over to the boy, your mom making her way over to a group of women; his eyes scanning your outfit, your mini skirt sitting right below your ass, the shirt you wore barely covering your plush boobs; fuck he just wanted to stick his cock in between them. “fuck.” he cursed.

“you okay man?” Chan, another neighbor, came up to him. “yeah I'm fine.” he said , not taking his eyes off of you. “I see you've met yn.” the older guy chuckled. “yeah I guess.” He said. “Listen, let me give you some advice.” Chan said. “fuck your wife.” Minho turned to him. “What?” he said, the Australian laughed. “I know what you're thinking; wife being a bit of a bitch, barely having sex.” He chuckled, that was exactly his story. “Here comes this young girl with a nice ass and a good pair of tits , batting her eyelashes, a bit of a brat?”

“You seem to know a lot.” He said. “because I was you, man.” Chris said, wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “But you know what I did? i went home and fucked my wife.” he said. “forgot all about it.” he said. “I'm telling you it's not worth it.” he said. “Fuck your wife.”

He knew Chan was right, but that didn't stop him from looking at you; his eyes meeting yours. you tilted your head to the side, your sultry smile as you say your goodbyes to seungmin, making your way over to him, he looked around making sure your mom or his wife wasn't paying attention , as you finally were standing in front of him. “Can I use your bathroom?”

He didn't have to follow you; he could've just given you the directions— but he really wasn't thinking; and he wished he would have been. “You have a nice home.” You said. “Thank you.” He said watching you purposely sway your hips side to side. “fuck.” he says to himself. “huh?” you asked , but you can hear him , he could see you smirking teasing him. “fucking brat.”

you definitely heard him this time, you laughed. “sir what's wrong?” you went to touch his shoulder in fake concern. He grabbed your wrist, pushing you against the wall. “fuck why couldn't you just stay away?” he growled. “Am I really to blame?” you took your other hand , traveling down to his waist. “Yn.” He weakly warned. “You can stop me if you want.” you said , your hand inching further— right to his cock, giving it a little squeeze. “fuck.” He groaned. “but I don't think you want me to.”

this was it; you finally were gonna get what you've wanted all this time; married or not you wanted his cock inside of you. “your wife doesn't have to know.” that's what set him off , grabbing the back of your head. “fuck shut up.” He said. “Get on your knees.” he said , roughly pushing you down. “you thought you were gonna get fucked didn't you?” you hissed as he yanked your hair. “too bad I'm just gonna stuff my cock down your throat and you're gonna take it like the little slut you are.”

he used his other hand to pull down his pants , freeing his cock from his underwear; his stock almost hitting you in your face. “you're so big” he hissed as you gave the tip of his cock a kiss. “yeah, want my cock down your throat.” He stroked his length in front of your face. “Fuck.” he slapped his cock on your lips. “open up.” he his tip against your lips. “fuck.”

He slowly pushed his cock into your mouth , holding your head still as he forced his cock down your throat. “shit your little throat taking my cock so good.” he hissed. “go-gonna fuck your face.” he moved his hips , holding the wall above your head, his balls slapping against your chin as he fucked your face in the middle of the hallway of the house he shared with his wife. “fuck I'm gonna cum.” he moaned. “fuck fuck fuck.” he thrusted a few more time , pulling out of your mouth , stroking his cock vigorously. “shit I'm cumming!” he shouted , his warm sticky cum shooting from his cock hitting your face. “Fuck.”

He looked down at your smiling cum covered face. “You tasted good.” you said wiping some off your cheek , putting your fingers to your mouth. You stood up , holding his cock in your hand, stroking it. “You came so much , it must've been a while.” he hissed. “sh-shit.” He said. “dont you want to fuck me?” He did, fuck he really did. “m-my wife.” he groaned. “outside.” you sighed, you forgot about the party. “I guess we'll have to wait.” you let his throbbing cock go. “Fuck I'm still hard.” he groaned.

You chuckled, wiping the rest of his cum off face. “thats too bad, I know you had a bunch of more cum for me.” he wanted to drag you up to his room and fuck you into the mattress, damned everyone in the back. “fucking brat.” he hissed, you kissed the corner of his mouth with a smile. “When does your wife leave for work?”

“11.” he said , you nodded. “I'll be here at one.” That's all you said before leaving him standing in the hall, guilt building in his stomach, not only did he just cheat on his wife— he knew he was gonna do it again.

he cleaned himself up; going back to the party. “Hey minho.” your mother came up to him. “Have you seen yn, she seemed to have escaped.” of he did. “um she said she wasn't feeling good so she headed home,” he said. “that girl, always something.” she shook his head. “What's wrong?” his wife came over. “oh nothing yn got sick and had to go home.” he could see his wife's smile, luckily your mom didn't see it. “Awe too bad.” she said. “I guess I better go see if she's okay, I had a nice time.” your mother said, before excusing herself.

“don't worry i didn't poison her.” she said, he stared at her. “laugh minho it's funny.” she kissed his lips before walking away, he made eye contact with Chan who gave him a nod— if only he knew it was too late for him.

He did completely ignore chris's word , as soon as the last person was gone, and the house was quiet and clean again; he brought his wife up to their room. “fuck minho!” his wife shouted as he fucked into her. “fuck faster.” he held her hips down as he plowed into her , wishing it was you that was under. “minho fuck!” his wife shouted into his ear. “Wait, don't go so fast.” she moaned, but all he could he do was imagine it was you , yelling for him to go faster , fuck you harder and faster. “Minho I'm cumming.” his wife shrieked. “fuck wait I'm not there yet.” he groaned, he knew once she was finished he wouldn't be able to continue. “fuck I'm cumming.” she shouted. “fuck I came Minho , pull out.”

he sighed, pulling out , laying on his back cock still hard. “fuck.” He cursed. “That was so good.” his wife laid breathless next to him. “But you were a bit too rough , next time don't go so hard.” He wasn't worried about that, he was too focused on his throbbing cock. “Hey, can you help me with this?” he said. “I can't tonight, I'm too tired and I have work in the morning.” she kissed his cheek. “I'm sure you can handle yourself.”

he watched her turn on her side, turning the light off leaving him in the dark , unable to sleep due to his cock. “fuck.” he cursed as he wrapped his hands around his length, thinking about how tight your throat felt around his cock , the way you gagged around his length; spit coming from your mouth, so messy. “fuck.” he moaned , cumming all over his hand to the thought of you.

he grabbed a tissue off the nightstand; wiping himself clean , throwing the tissue into the trash. He climbed back into the bed, pulling the covers over his body; his wife snoring beside him, he turned the light on his side off— he really tried to listen to what chan said, but he was far too gone.

he knew he was gonna fuck you when you came over tomorrow.

“Wait girl, did you really think this through?” jisung said. “I thought we were joking about this,” he said. “did you already fuck him?” he questioned. “not exactly.” you said. “what does that mean?” Felix said both of them invested now in their hotel room in Belgium. “I may or may not have given him head yesterday at the barbeque.” Both of their mouths dropped. “Are you kidding?” you shook your head. “oh my god yn you're insane.” jisung said. “How didn't his wife catch you?” you shrugged. “I don't know.”

“It's 11:30 now , are you gonna go?” felix asked, you looked at the clock. “maybe.” you said. “I know I really shouldn't support this.” jisung said. “but you're gonna do it anyway aren't you?” he asked. “i think his wife is leaving now , you got up looking out the window, sure enough she was walking to her car. “yeah it's her she's leaving now.” you spoke into the phone— fuck it. “I'm going.” you said. “Please don't get caught in his bed by his wife.” jisung said. “and don't get pregnant.” you hung up , getting dressed.

your mom had already left so you didn't have to explain to her why you suddenly were leaving; in the shortest skirt possible you might add, slipping on your shoes , opening the door to your house. you kept an eye for nosey housewives as you made your way across the street , knocking on the door; still keeping an eye out for people. the door opened up, revealing the man himself. “hi.”

before you could say something; he was dragging you into the house, closing the door, slamming you against it. “Jesus you're really eager aren't you?” you teased , he growled pressing you against the door. “I'm so fucking hard right now.” he said. “I can feel your cock throbbing , you're still thinking about my throat aren't you?” you squeezed his cock. “Is your wife not giving you head?” You pouted , “poor you.”

he was ready to take you against the door , but instead he forced himself away. “upstairs,” he said. “now.” you heard his commanding tone, he guided you to his room , slapping your ass, pushing the door open. “short fucking skirt , what's the point of it?” he growled , pulling you by the waist of the skirt, unbuttoning the button, pulling it down , leaving you in your panties. “take your shirt off.” you obeyed him , pulling the shirt over your head , he palmed his cock watching you undress.

“fuck get on the bed.” this was the bed he shared with his wife , but you could care less at this moment , spreading your legs for the older man , your wet cunt on display. “so fucking messy.” he pulled his pants down , revealing his underwear. “gonna use that cunt.”

he got on the bed , rubbing your clothed cunt. “fuck s-sir.” he smirked. “You like calling me sir.” he pulled your panties to the side, rubbing his cock along your folds. “You love cock that bad that you'd fuck anyone.” he groaned as he slid the tip of his cock in. “fuck a married man?” You moaned feeling his cock stretching you out. “pl-please fuck me.”

he fully bottomed out inside you. “fuck your pussy is so tight.” he groaned. “you-you're so big.” you moaned. “Please move.” you begged , he pulled out, before slamming back into you. “oh fuck!” you shrieked , clutching the bed sheets below you as he began to plow into you. “fuck I want you to cum all over my cock.” he hissed as you tightened around him. “fuck I'm gonna cum sir.” you moaned, your legs shaking. “fuck i'm cumming.”

a white ring formed around the base of his cock as he kept fucking into you. “gonna cover your pussy in my cum.” he hissed, his hand coming up to your boob to squeeze it. “fuck I'm gonna cum.” he cursed , pulling out cumming all over your cunt. “shit.” he tapped his cock on your cunt. “fuck, come here.”

he grabbed waist, flipping you over. “ass up.” he lifted your hips up; rubbing his cock along your folds. “You want my cock again?” you nodded. “Pl-please fuck me, want your cock sir.” he groaned. “yeah, want my cock?” he held the base of his cock coated with your juices, slapping your ass. “come on slut , fuck yourself on my cock.”

you pushed yourself back on his cock, both of you moaning out again. “that's it , stretch yourself out with my cock.” He groaned , grabbing your hip. “fuck i can't take it.” he pushed your head against the pillow , plowing into you. “fuck , that's it.” he groaned. “how does it feel being fucked past your limits by a married man?” he groaned. “so-so good.” your words barely audible due to your face being pushed against the pillow. “My wife lays her head right where you're drooling like a brain dead slut.”

you felt the knot in your stomach forming again. “You gonna cum again?” he said , his cock twitching. “ye-yes , please let me cum.” you begged. “no need to beg , I'm gonna let you cum slut.” he slapped your ass. “go ahead cum all over my cock.” your legs gave out as you cum , but he didn't stop , and you didn't want him to either. “fu-fuck I'm gonna cum.” he whimpered. “fuck.”

“i-inside.” You moaned. “fu-fuck I can't.” he groaned. “pl-please , cum inside me.” his hips twtiched as you tightened around him. “of fuck I'm cumming, gonna give you what you want.” he whispered in your ear , biting down on it as he came inside you. “fuck.” he drawed out as he came , his cum flooding your abused cunt. “shit.” he cursed, pulling , watching his cum leak out of you, it was probably the best thing he'd seen in a long time , he slapped your ass. “such a good pussy.”

“you don't feel guilty?” you asked , laying in his arms , it has been a while and it finally hit you while you laid in his arms , naked— in the bed he shared with his wife. “I guess,” he said. “what if we get caught?” you asked. “We won't.” he said. “She leaves everyday except for Sundays at 11.” he said. “she leaves; you come over and I take you on different surfaces of the house.” he bit your neck before kissing where he bit at. “she’ll be none the wiser.”

“And when I go back to school?” you didn't live far , but it was still a drive. “We'll figure it out , I'll drive the 2 hours if I have to.” he said. “you'd drive two hours there and back every weekend just to fuck me?”

he flipped you over , you yelp; feeling his cock against your folds. “fuck.” he cursed. “for this pussy?” he pushed his tip in. “fu-fuck yeah , I'd drive for it.”

“Now we still have 4 hours left and I want to spend as much time as I can inside this pretty cunt.”

©️LUVYENI

[m4yasnotthatcool]

Can we have Andrew and Reader have a life after the events of the game (In the Bulletless Decay route)?

Reader would be an exchange student who would have gone to stay with the Graves family, but in the end she ended up being another 'victim' of the game's circumstances.

She would be a type of person who was indifferent to almost everything, cold-blooded, with somewhat sociopathic tendencies but with a kind heart.

Okay, let's do this, after Ashley's murder, Andrew and Reader finally got fake teeth and moved somewhere far away, but with all the recent traumas and along with the fear of being abandoned.

Andrew started to have possessive tendencies, a little clingy, toxic, manipulative towards our 'poor thing' Reader and that would result in them having children in the future, to keep her trapped in the coffin with him.

ANDREW GRAVES X F!READER

(a/n: okay so i think i understand what u mean, sorry if its not what you expected, im a little(very) rusty rn at writing) NOT PROOF READ!

okay so first of all, Ashley never liked you, and thats part of the reason Andrew liked you sm

like, yea, he always does whatever his sister wants him to, and he hated himself for falling for you

but there was just something about how you were so indifferent under almost any circumstances (oh how he enjoyed seeing you crack under the pressure when you ate the cultist!)

your cold blooded outer shell was something intriguing to him

he wanted to study you

he wanted to get to know you.

did he care about you from the begining? ha, no.

of course he didnt

his sister hated you, so he hated you too

she was afraid you'd steal him from her so he didnt give you the chance

a couple of days into the quarantine is when he'll finally give in and start talking to you

and low and behold, he loved you from the first interaction

you were just so interesting!

he, of course, felt guilty for going against his sisters wishes, but he still would spend mre and more time just talking to you

after killing ashley i think he would just be in denial

for a really (REALLY) long time he would just wait for her to come back, even tough he knows shes not going to

after somehow getting away and finding a permanent place to stay, you two got in a relationship

both of you had abandonment issues you should treat, but neither of you felt it was necesary

from the start he didnt let you talk to anyone else but him

at first it was something you despited about him, feeling it was too clingy. you needed space, you needed privacy

but at one point those needs started fading away

he would tell you "you dont need anyone else but me. im the only one who is capable of understanding what you went trough! and you're the only one who can understand what I went trough. but its alright! dont worry about me! just worry about yourself and what you want. its not like you care about me anyway."

so you belived him

you didnt need anyone else but him

you told him you didnt want kids

thats one of the many topics you talked about when you met

you didnt feel they fufiled any particular need of yours and you didnt want to have them if you were just going to regret them after

he managed to change your mind

after having your 2nd child with him, you were so far gone that you remained just and empty shell of the person you used to be

the lines between you two started bleeding into eachother and so he absorbed your presence

you were no longer yourself

you were just who he wanted you to be all along

he still loved you of course

also i feel like he would get a lot of his manipulation skills from his sister

or whatever is the feeling he gets thats closest to love

he just needed you to stay

and whenever it seemed like you were ready to fly away, he would cut your wings

________________________________________

final a/n

i know its bad dude, im sorry 😭

if you were to ask me right now what i just wrote i couldnt tell you (like im fr rn)

if you want me to try to re-do it just ask (if u didnt like this one that is)

so uh

thx for asking

and sorry its bad lmao

here are the other fandoms i write for!

have a nice rest of ur day/night!

[changbinsboobs]

Changbin as husband is next I'm curious for his and hyunjinss

This is the longest fucking reading I've ever had so i just HAD to split it in 2 parts so bear with me. I love him but i hate him right now😩 (no im not)

Husband Series: Changbin pt. 1

Ugh...that guy🫠 i bet you if i let him use up my whole deck he would. The amount of "ok last card" i had to say...and yet there was still so much gushing put...and ugh, i just can't stress enough how much into details he is and how much he wants to stress on them and make sure they don't go unnoticed or get misunderstood or overlooked. Reminds me so much of my audhd friend😭. Anyways back on track - tho i don't even know where to begin from, i really think he used up half my deck. I just counted 23 cards😳 i do indeed draw a lot for the others too but thats just next level. Not on topic but i think he's a really chatty drunk😂 now i wanna read on them when drunk🙌🏻😂

Ok soooo since i have so many cards ill try to combine them as much as i can and keep the messages as concise as possible so this post doesn't become a novel - the overall energy i noticed here is not so much emphasis on him as a husband but overall him as a partner in a committed relationship. Which leads me to believe he himself doesn't view marriage with such dread as the others did (there wasn't really any dread with felix bust still a certain anxiety around responsibilities, meanwhile that with changbin is absolutely nonexistent). I would say he seems himself as capable and even ready to take on that responsibility and role if the opportunity presents itself and i think he believes he'll do a good job. He's responsible, capable and can take care of it. I actually sense a feeling of pride in him about that.

Another MAJOR theme is him being a "simp" for his partner (he insists on wife). There are many cards that im trying to sum up:

He's very protective over her and doesn't let anyone say shit about her, he's giving me guard dog vibes. Also a big bodyguardy. I can see him when being out with her eyeing people and being on alert and just idk, looking scary as to scare of any weirdos before they even think about trying something. And to clear any misunderstandings up, im really not getting this coming from jealousy (not that its not there, it is😂, but its just 10% reason, out of 100), but rather because he wants the woman he loves to feel safe and protected around him. He wants her to be able to relax and trust that he will always have her back and keep her safe. He wants her pretty little witty head not to be bothered by ANYTHING!

More from the simpy train - looks up to her a lot and kinda puts her a bit on a pedestal. This is not a very debilitating energy but feels rather like something he has made peace with and accepts - which is that she is indeed better than him and he can never be able to reach her, which means he is incredibly lucky and appreciative of the fact a woman like that has chosen him and he tries whatever he can to live up to her standard and continue to give her reasons to stay with him and continue to love him. Although she can never love him as much as he does (thats his thought🥲). But as i said this doesn't feel victimy to me at all but rather just seems realistic to him and he's a big boy and can accept reality for what it is and choose to feel lucky instead of beating himself up for not being good enough and self sabotage. Im actually really shocked looking at his energy because i can really feel the strength of his mind and ughh just how innovative and flexible he is. His will is just astounding and making me really happy, despite him obviously having some issues he doesn't let himself be defined by it and chooses to spin them to him favor. What an amazing guy💗

Back to the reading - so he spends a lot of time in his head, doing A LOT of 2 things. One is being thinking of his girl and what he can do to make her happy, analyzing previous conversations to see if he missed something or if he has remembered everything. Contemplating if she maybe gave him a hint about something, or if she maybe looked hesitant with something. Maybe her body language was off? He notes that. If there was any difference in her behaviour today, if she looked different. He's really putting LOTS of energy thinking about her and analyzing her and her behaviour. Again this doesn't seem to come from distrust (although he thinks of that as well, its just not his motivator, he just considers everything, thats why) but rather for his own feeling of safety. I think he is a very thoughtful and analyzing and sensitive person in nature so this may be something he always does, except when its something very important to him, and a relationship at that - he does it even more intensely. He doesn't only think about and analyze her tho. He does that to him too, to their relationship as well. He just wants to have a good understanding and overview of everything that is happening in the relationship so he has a sense of control and safety. You can always fix something if you know its broken. Or beginning to bend. You can fix the problem before the branch brakes i think is what he wants to say. And he wants things to run as smoothly as possible with them, and once again he has taken on the responsibility to make his girls life as easy and carefree as possible and how can that happen if he leaves the whole relationship in her hands?! He can't, so he doesn't his part very diligently and tries to keep up on the same level as her, emotional-intelligence-wise.

He also doesn't to just thinking but planing & organizing. So i think he takes lots of care for other stuff too like planing and booking fun dates. If he cant attend then books fun stuff for her. Provide her with the needed tools/means for her to be able to create, to indulge in her hobbies. He really loves that feminine creator energy and really wants to do his best to encourage and provide an encouraging environment for his wife to get in her feminine creator energy and bring him joy with it. Also thats really random but he's always ready and loves giving her massages😂💗(after her long day of crafting). He just loves hearing about it, seeing the excitement in her voice and face. It charges him.

He also spends lots of time fantasizing about her. Reminiscing wonderful dates, imagining potential future ones, creating scenarios etc. He's just A LOT in his head, his mind is really really active, and its very occupied with his love. Also another random message, commitment and love are tied with him somehow. Im seeing he cant commit if he doesn't love but he also cant love if he can't commit. So i would say he's very extreme-y. Like he's either all in or all out. No middle ground. What i mean is he HAS to be this intense in a relationship because for him thats commitment, THATS expressing love. And if he's not able to do that, then his love and interest and enthusiasm begin to fade away. He HAS to be able to be like that in a relationship and i think often he has been labeled (or was) just WAYYY TOO MUCH for the girls he has been in a relationship with. Im seeing he can get very overwhelming and overbearing if the person he's with just isn't the person to enjoy that kind of commitment and effort. But to go back to the cards, he also fantasizes about physical stuff too, for example he's riding in the car, and for the whole ride he's imagining and giggling and wiggling his feet and twirling his hairs because he plays over and over how that one time while they were still just dating she looked him in the eyes with that wet sexy look, and how his whole body got shivers and his stomach dropped and his heart skipped and his palms got sweaty and he swears some saliva started dripping out the corner of his mouth and his knees got weak and he almost felt like he was gonna black out and by the time he came back to his senses she was already sooo close to his lips and them BAM. Fireworks everywhere. He can never forget how that wonderful kiss felt and how sweet the sexual tension and anticipation before it was. He plays stuff like that OVER AND OVER again the whole damn day.

While being on physical stuff, he is pretty horny ill say. But not in a bunny way,m where he wants to fuck 5 times a day, but rather when around his girl he's always half way up, always ready to rise for the occasion iykwim. I think he gets *excited*👀 very easily and is just really weak when it comes to his girl. He's always ready to deliver whenever she ask, whatever she asks. Als im seeing once again he's a giver (and despite him loving head so much) he's focused on her pleasure and he can off just from watching her enjoy...whatever it is. So yeah thats that😂

Bro im so tired im thinking about doing this in 2 parts😭 im just halfway. Ok yk what im splitting it.

[justastraymoa]

ADVENTURES WITH CHEESE EXTENDED EDITION PT 5

The first time another member of the Chan Clan it was quite a wakeup call. Literally.

I was peacefully sleeping when suddenly I had a blonde jumping on me and landing heavily. Not the most pleasant way to be woken up.

Rightly so, I screamed bloody murder and shoved the man off of me. There was a hiss in the room behind me as I opened the door and I turned just long enough to snatch Cheese from his spot on the bed, fur raised and teeth bared in warning before running out again. Right into Bins chest with a oof.

“Y/n, what happened?” He asked still half asleep and with some kind of blunt object I couldn’t make out in his hand.

I moved to hide behind Bin as the other 3 came out of their rooms as well, looks of confusion and wariness on their faces. “A man just jumped on me while I was sleeping.” I whisper yelled.

My entire body was shaking and my heart raced in fear and anxiety. Even my voice shook when I spoke. Bin shoved me gently over to Hyune while Lino stood in front of both of us and Bin and Chan started toward my bedroom, chosen weapons ready to go.

Hyune rubbed his hand up and down my arm in comfort as we waited in silence. Cheese was growling lowly in my arms, entire attention on the door of our room.

“Felix! Fucking A man!” Chan said loudly a minute later.

The atmosphere immediately changed around me as everyone relaxed. “Felix, what are you doing?” Hyune asked abandoning me to go into the bedroom.

From my spot I could see the blonde man I vaguely recognized now from pictures standing sheepishly by the bed where I shoved him off me. He rubbed a hip in pain and looked properly embarrassed by what happened.

“Im sorry! I forgot that you moved to a new room, I wanted to surprise you!” He almost pouted.

Lino wacked Felix gently in the back of the head. “By giving our girl a heart attack?”

I ignored ‘the our’ girl comment, used to their possessiveness by now. It even secretly made me happy and warm on the inside. But I will never tell them that and if they ever found out I would deny it to my grave.

Felix waved his hands. “I thought it was Jinnie!”

I the end Felix apologized to me many, many times before I finally claimed my room back to change into clothes for the day and start on breakfast for everyone. Plus a guest apparently.

Yes, I was annoyed. And crabby. Being woken up the way I was would do that to anyone. That feeling seemed to transfer over to Cheese as well, who refused to let anyone really pet him all morning and wouldn’t even cuddle on the couch when I curled up to read a book. He stalked around the apartment mewing lowly in his throat.

“I thought you guys said he was friendly.” Felix mentioned after having to snatch his hand back when Cheese snapped at him for daring to touch him.

I looked up from my book. “Being woken up so rudely by someone he doesn’t know makes him crabby.” I murmured.

Felixs eyes got wide and a little sad. “Aww! I’m sorry, Cheese. I didn’t mean to scare you either.”

I smirked at how Felix knew immediately that he needed to apologize to Cheese like he would another human. Cheese was smart and used to being treated like he was. He would understand the apology. It was whether he would accept it, that was the issue.

Hyune and Felix took up the living room for most of the day, playing some game that went right over my head even as they tried to politely explain it to me when I asked questions. I gave up quickly and just enjoyed watching them play when I wanted to take a break from reading.

We had a growing problem. And it was constantly all over the floor in the apartment. Cheese had too many toys. And he loved pulling them out and leaving them in places that someone would step on them or trip on them. I felt like I was constantly picking up after him.

I started to sneak some into the trash without telling the boys. Lino would give me a look of betrayal just for suggesting I toss some of the toys Cheese didn’t seem to enjoy all that much. He was the number one spoiler of Cheese, so it made sense.

I didn’t harp on him too much about it though, remembering that he had his own babies he was probably missing terribly. If Cheese helped him then I wouldn’t deny him Cheese or the spoiling of Cheese. I would sneak some toys into the trash instead.

Cheese, however, caught on to me quickly and was not happy. I started catching him in or near the trash can after I had thrown a toy away, yowling loudly.

“You don’t even play with it, bub. Leave it be you have plenty of other toys.” I left the kitchen, determined to ignore his bratty behavior until he was distracted or lost interest.

So that was what was going on! They were literally competing on who could get Cheese to like them more!

Well, they lose. Cheese loves me the most. I’m his mama and he is a mama’s boy through and through!

A/N: This is a short one, kind of a filler, but I got to introduce Felix a bit. Hopefully with the extended edition I’ll be able to introduce the rest of the Stray Kids, and they can all love on Cheese. (don’t worry Cheese does forgive Felix eventually)

Thank you for reading and interacting! One both or all is all amazing! I hope you enjoyed it and also, if you have anything you would like to see the Chan Clan do with y/n and Cheese drop me an ask. I’ll see what I can do 😊

Masterlist

Skz + pets masterlist

Taglist: @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor

[actualbird]

do you think marius has ever fainted or passed out from the sheer workload and stress he deals with on a daily basis? they always talk about how he has this fatigue and tiredness but honestly im surprised he’s never had a breakdown or anything

OH ABSOLUTELY YES YESSSS

i very much think hes passed out due to sheer fatigue probably many times, but that he just....got really good at making sure nobody notices. like, the moment marius feels his balance failing or feels the telltale lightheadedness of unconsciousness ready to ram into him, he tried to either find an empty room or some place to sit down and ride it out. and then when hes conscious again, if anybody saw him he just goes like "just needed to rest my eyes, hehe"

people who arent close to him cant tell hes lying. hes a fantastic actor, and it is very important for marius to appear invincible and invulnerable within pax, so he makes sure of this. hes passed out plenty, but nobody notices

the few people who do notice and know are probably:

1 ) vincent

oh the things vincent has seen....this one is definitely the most worrying one, and whenever he catches it happening he does his best to try and shift schedules to somehow lighten marius' workload. i figure maybe one time he garnered up the courage to suggest marius rest, but...it's not that marius is disrespectful or anything, but the suggestion just slides straight past him

"i appreciate the concern, vincent, but it's really no problem," marius says easily. just a few minutes ago, he'd fainted the moment he got into his office and it sent such a shock of adrenaline into vincent's system. "after all, nobody else can do this work right now, so i just...gotta keep going."

and the worst part was that marius was right. not about this being a non-issue, but that nobody else can be pax ceo right now. it all falls to marius, and vincent can try his best to help, but moments like these remind him how isolated marius really is all the way there at the top.

2 ) the nxx team

the team see marius at a special level of fatigue: where he always pushes it past it for the newest case, to investigate the latest lead, to keep on going. given how perceptive the team is and how theyve worked with marius for a While, marius can never hide it from them

but it's also really hard to bring it up sometimes, because theres usually always something more important, high-stakes, and pressing at hand when theyre all together

"don't worry about me," marius would say. he might even make a joke like "you should go check on vyn, i know he gets cranky when he's up past 10pm"

deflection is one of marius' skills, so oftentimes during cases, none of the team can really confront him on his overwork

but while marius might like to pretend that this isnt a problem, none of the others have to do the same and can show their support in little ways: a very soft blanket from artem placed on the nxx hq couch for anyone to use for a nap, relaxing sleepytime teas from vyn stocked in the pantry for anyone to have a drink of, a suddenly and inexplicably overhauled digital file system luke made to make some of the tinier clerical nxx tasks a bit faster to sift through.

and mc's learned some of marius' tricks now by this point and is totally fine using them against him. she'll sit down next to him on the couch with a yawn and lean on marius' shoulder. "be my pillow for 10 minutes, i need a nap" and whats marius gonna do, say NO to that? he would never. and he'd end up drifting off for a little nap too.

conclusion: marius von hagen go to bed challenge! pls, before u just DROP FROM THE EXHAUSTION!!!

[kittyit]

hi!! wanted an opinion. since about the time i finished puberty and started being perceived as a young woman, i have found it literally impossible to be friends with men without them developing feelings for me (with the exception of homosexual men).

i don't wear makeup, i cut my hair off, i don't shave, im loud and openly feminist. i've done what i can to be unappealing to men because i don't want to date anymore, and i thought it would be easier to just be unattractive because i have a difficult time turning men down or rejecting them. in the past this has led to many first dates, which led to sex which led to relationships because i get stuck in this cycle so easily.

but despite my efforts, guys i think are just friends i can play video games with or guys i think are nice classmates i can study with, every single one of them ends up wanting to date me. it's frustrating bc i do genuinely enjoy hanging out with some of them but i wish i wouldn't have to be so scared they'll try and take things further. any advice that isn't just "never interact with men socially"?

so i think this is a fairly funny question to ask a separatist but i don't mind answering anyway :) when i hear you say that you have difficulty turning men down or rejecting them, that is the crux of the issue. i would say working really hard on socially scripting yourself to be able to turn down guys and/or making sure you have friends who support you in doing so is essential. having things ready to say like "i really am just enjoying being friends right now" or "i'm flattered, but i like just hanging out", or even "let me think about that and get back to you" so you have some time to prepare a response. if this is happening over and over again and you're not finding it easier to deal with, you need to set yourself up for success with practiced responses, a plan to avoid going on dates you don't want to go on and the rest of the cycle.

if a guy is going to be a good and normal friend to you, he will be able to take a no. that is the baseline of what a respectful friendship should be (with anyone - it needs to be okay to say no!)

acknowledging this is an issue that you need support on and that you have trouble getting stuck in a cycle is a great step to figuring out a plan to stop it from happening. you might even try leading with the fact that you don't want to date - saying that you find it really awkward when guys you want to be friends with ask you out on a date and explaining that it ruins friendships and you just want to hang out and chill. yes, that can be a difficult conversation and might be taken poorly, but again, that's a measure of a baseline of respectful friendship. a reasonable guy would be like, yeah, i get it, that's chill, let's be friends

i know many women on the autism spectrum or who have other social difficulties who have trouble navigating saying no to men and it's really important to take that seriously and make a plan for yourself. it's ok to need support in this also - glad you reached out! i hope this helps :)

[kairithemang0]

wait, so ur saying she's been actively ignoring ur 504 and belittling and insulting you in every interaction you have and on OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS????? AND UR ADMINISTRATION IS JUST LETTING IT SLIDE BRO????????????????? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W UR SCHOOL???????? that geniunely sounds so bad im sending you every single virtual hug ever

yeahhhhhhhhhhhh

it's funny because im literally incapable of switching out of that class, obviously now i cant but in the first 2 weeks of school so many people switched out of her class that they weren't letting anyone else switch out

she actively puts me in the back of the classroom (another thing in my 504, for focus reasons and also i can't see well im meant to be in the front), ignores me when my i try to ask for help and she does this thing where she aggressively taps on my desk and it makes me want to wrip her fingers off. my class is also just generally loud with people making really obnoxious noises and i sometimes just can't handle it and it makes me want to break down and cry because i get overwhelmed really easily. i have her class right after lunch sometimes and i was overwhelmed then (i have too many people who sit with my friends at lunch, none of them are my friends) and so i came into her class and put my head down on the desk and she comes over and bangs on it like she's knocking on some door and told me to go to the nurse if i'm going to "be disrespectful in her class". satan, stfu. just like don't. and apparently i still need to apologize to her for being rude despite being incredibly stressed. anyways i took a nap in the nurses office after that and it was great i couldn't feel my arm :)

it's her first year here, i wouldn't be surprised if she didn't last. the school knows about my issues with her specifically, my guidance counselor has done all she can to help me but honestly im ready to be done. i get out in late june, im stuck with her for another month and i swear after that last day im never talking to her again. also never gonna take spanish again i really can't stand spanish

SORRY FOR THE VENTS ABOUT MY SHITTY TEACHER GUYS- i finished my homework now so unless yall send more asks i hopefully won't be mentioning her again

[lindszeppelin]

Hi, I wanted to say I really enjoy your blog. I've been reading a lot of your past asks, and this feels like a place I can vent about things I've noticed in this fandom the last month.

I've had to unfollow so many Austin accounts on twitter in the last month. I've been following them for a long time and never really had an issue. But lately, in the last month especially, majority of them have been bringing up Kaia all the time. Anytime Austin talks about something or does something quote on quote 'sexy' they also quote it with 'Kaia I hope you can fight' or "Kaia's boyfriend"...that one really irks me. I'm a fan of Austin. I really don't care about Kaia. I've unfollowed most of the Austin stans on Twitter b/c it's too much of this. I really only followed because they have some good updates about Austin's projects or provide pics and videos of his press stuff. But they bring up Kaia all the damn time now. For no reason. I didn't think because we love Austin we have to love Kaia to? No thank you.

I came across your blog recently and it's been rather eye opening. I've been hot and cold about Austin and Kaia since I joined the fandom about a year ago. Sometimes they could be cute. But at the same time something about them has always been off. They just seem like they don't like each other most of the time? I understand couples want privacy, but this is far beyond that.

I've been looking through your blog, and a lot of what I'm reading here makes a lot of sense. I think what really made me question things was that People Magazine article that came out back in May. It came so out of left field. Because was anyone asking about their status as a couple? I didn't think they got press like that. Austin seems to not talk about her, ever. Usually if you really are in love and happy, you don't need to put a statement out there like that. To me that comes off like deflection and you're trying to hide something. It sounded like it came from Kaia's side. We were talking about it on reddit, and a lot of people agreed it seemed weird. Because they did look miserable together in NYC right before that.

Then a couple days later another article came out and it talked about how Austin and Kaia have nothing in common. I don't know how these things work but I immediately assumed that was coming from Austin's side of things. Especially reading some of the language used. The source said Austin's hopes and dreams are finally coming true. Austin has said that so many times recently. But it's a detail I feel like only fans would pick up on. Not the media. So it couldn't just be a fluff, gossip peice. It's actually legit from Austin's PR. I was like, "Oh wow. He really is not in love with this girl". The timing of all this felt very weird. I have a feeling they are headed for splitsville but again, I don't know how this stuff works. It's just been something I noticed.

Until I saw Kaia show up at the Bikeriders premiere in LA. Then I thought, "Oh maybe this is just gossip or something". Because the way that source wrote out that article and Austin seemed like he was ready to break up. But then he kisses her on the red carpet. Maybe he is happy? It's all so confusing lol.

Anyways, I know this is ridiculously long lol. I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your blog and the view points a lot of people seem to have. It's been hard to find a place in the fandom that doesn't bring up Kaia all the time. I couldn't care less about that girl. She is a model, nothing really else to say about her. Not enough to stan her. I mean people can do as they please. But it comes off very fake. I doubt Austin cares if you stan his girlfriend or not.

hi! im so glad that you have a safe space in my blog to look over things and vent freely. we as fans are not obligated to blindly like everybody that austin is around/is with. liking every single person he's with doesn't make you a good fan either. it just makes you a bit of an overachieving simp that blindly likes who austin likes just for brownie points. like who YOU like because YOU like them. we are fans of the person, not their entourage. so enjoy the person you're a fan of first and foremost. don't let anybody tell you anything else.

[atinyniki]

Not to be rude or anything, but where have you been? I feel like you only talk occasionally now and you don’t interact with any of your moots anymore. You’re basically turning into Kylei at this point :/

i don’t know how to explain it, but i’m aware i have changed. i’ve hit an all time low, i guess is the best way to explain it. i try my best to talk to people and get involved in conversation again but i don’t know how to reach out anymore, if that makes sense. its caused me to lose connections with a lot of people and im no longer as active because i have trouble with the interacting part. the only time ive really been able to respond is with tags and such, but even then i am very low energy. i’m aware im not the same anymore, and for that im sorry. there’s been people coming back into my life that i didn’t need, ive been having a lot of family issues, ive been grieving, and on top of that ive been severely injured and had yet another incident this morning. ive been so down that by the time i wake up half the people i wanted to talk to are already getting ready for bed. thats not really meant to be an excuse, but it does set up the fact that im going through a shit ton right now and i’ve been focusing less on people and more on getting my own life in check. i’d rather not harm anyone right now, ive done enough damage and i know that im only going to cause more if i talk to others in this state right now. by the time i get back to the person who i was, many friendships will most likely not exist anymore, but just know im trying my best to get back to that point. if you have any more questions feel free to ask whenever 🫶

and again, i cannot stress this enough, i am so sorry to all of you i have hurt while being this way. i love you all and im here if you ever want to talk, vent, or just to say what you need to say.

[fruitybashir]

Perhaps I missed it but I havent seen anyone mention it before: I love the way you weave casual domesticity into smut! The filthy bits are super delicious but there is always these small moments that just make it so much more ...real? I just reread "I's appreciate your Input" (so good!!!!🥵����) and I noticed how much I love these domestic moments:

• "He makes Bojan sit up higher so he can reach down between his spread legs and close his fingers around Nace’s cock, making the other gasp in surprise.“Christ, Jan, give a man a warning,” Nace bites out (...) “But it’s funnier if I don’t,” "

• "Nace kneels up and worms an arm under Bojan’s back, pulling the other up with him so Jan can finally free his legs and stretch them out, barely suppressing a wince as his joints pop. (...) Jan smiles at them fondly as he slowly rotates his ankles, wiggling his toes to get the blood flow back."

• everything about Jans issues with medication side effects (I feel very seen)

• "there’s a shuffle as they all rearrange themselves on the bed, Nace having to lean over the edge of it to fish for the bottle of lube when he accidentally kicks it off the bed."

• everything about the aftercare, it was some of the nicest endings to a smut Oneshot I have ever seen, it was so domestic!!!

These are just some moments I noticed right now but there are many in your other works as well and I always enjoy them so much!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷 it makes the way they have sex feel so ....real is the best word I can think of?? It's so realistic and I feel like I am actually in the room with them! Nothing feels staged or fake it feels like they would really have sex this way!! 🩷 (Sorry this becaem so long I just read IAYP again and it gave me so many feelings 🫣🫣🤭)

omg??? hi?????? 🥺🥺 hold on give me a minute--- i need to process all this for a second 😭💖💖

i dont really know what to say but thank you so much 🥺🫶🏻💖💖💖💖

and honestly! i agree! i loveeeeee domestic bits in smut, not just mine but any smut, i love when it reads like not just hm. idk. not like youre just reading the transcript of a classic scripted porn movie where all they do is fuck and then thats it? but a liiiiittle more like people actually have sex you know? obv still a bit played up for the sake of it but you get what i mean right actually idk if any of what im saying makes sense but i agree with your sentiment so ill assume you get it 🫱🏻‍🫲🏼

i also love when characters are being a little goofy during sex in fics like in this one it was the "im goo" in holidate it was "ready to rock my world, cowboy?" sorry i dont care if it breaks the mood for some people or whatever i need them to be silly goofy 🫶🏻💖💖

[sassykinzonline]

just gonna fill this up at this point(I’ll stop if u need me to lol) anyways. Ok so, Sakura right, if for amazing reasons, boruto didn’t exist, would you see Sakura being with anyone else? Or would she still be with Sasuke(in another universe) Another one, thoughts on Naruto being the villain in shippuden(or however u spell it I can’t spell) ? Like he would either take your place, or villain duo or smt, so like technically him leaving the village and stuff. On another note, if you were to pick from the children in boruto to mentor/teach that wasn’t boruto, would there be anyone else? Or would you still choose him? Is that boruto in general sucks..Like they did Naruto’s hair so wrong in many ways man😪

dont stop - megan thee stallion

if sakura actually wanted to be happy she would get with lee or just some other guy who cares about her, respects her, but also forces her to be more positive and less shallow. thats entirely dependent on whether or not she wants to let go of that obsession or not though. some people never do.

i am really into "evil" naruto AUs but i wonder how his relationship with kurama would go in that case? if the naruto manga was written by someone else, and naruto had a better mentor, i think the idea that naruto would also desert the village after being disillusioned a lot more. from what i know, one of the reasons he was so ready to travel was because he didnt feel at home in konoha anymore without yours truly. if someone else had gotten to naruto before jiraiya and that person was as manipulative as orochimaru or more loyal to naruto than any village, i think he wouldve straight up deserted. i read an AU where nagato picks him up off the street and treats him like a son, and thats kind of what im envisioning. theres a reality in which that also couldve happened if nagato fought harder to maintain his leadership in the akatsuki instead of letting obito call the shots. but i dont think its necessarily the better choice for him to "go bad". its just a "what if" kind of scenario?

uh....if everything in boruto is exactly as it is right now and i had to choose to join the universe...i would probably still pick boruto because its the only way naruto and i can stay connected in perpetuity. boruto would end up being the proof of our bond. i also do kind of understand boruto's issue so because i relate to him a bit, i think he just needs a good older figure to "hold his hand" so to speak. that being said, if there was no baggage and i could just pick any of the kids, i would pick inojin or cho cho. inojin because his skillset is really interesting but he doesnt seem to have the same innate analytical talents as his parents, so that needs to be fostered. cho cho because i like her attitude, she kind of reminds me of how i feel about ino as an adult.

[sysmedsaresexist]

i don't want to publically share it on our account, but we also had an experience with being convinced by others that we could have RAMCOA trauma. im not sure how relevant it is to the discord drama, but heres that!

the biggest thing i saw so much was '(x symptom) can only happen to ramcoa systems'. it was no one talking about their traumas or experiences, but saying that different symptoms could only happen in ramcoa.

we went digging into our trauma when we weren't ready to, and were absolutely terrified of what we wouldn't. we weren't able to trust anyone, who knows who could have done that to us?

it wasn't until our psych told us that we don't have signs of hidden memories, just dissociation caused amnesia, that we finally were able to relax.

its not that there is a problem with ramcoa systems or them discussing their experiences, not any more than any other system talking about ours. but the way that the symptoms are talked about

there's no problem with, say, a ramcoa system explaining their symptoms as a system. that includes the ones that that trauma caused. but there's a pretty big problem, in my opinion, with claiming that those systems are only possible with ramcoa

like with hc-did, we had the vast majority of them. and when we were being told that other symptoms of ours are signs of programming, we were just so scared

i don't really get what the discourse is about right now. but i i have seen quite a few ramcoa systems claim that certain symptoms can only happen from ramcoa, and that it's misinfo and harmful to ramcoa systems to say otherwise. and seen them be really attacking of others who have those symptoms or even similar ones.

like i had an ex-friend who was programmed by an ex. i saw evidence, explicit evidence of this being the case and it was confirmed by their psychologist. but i also saw people claim that if it was just one ex it wasn't able to be ramcoa, it needs to involve multiple highly skilled abusers. also, they couldn't have the symptoms they were having without it.

but they did. if not programming because that's ramcoa specific, then something indistinguishable from it according even to their psych. something caused by the exact same methods used against ramcoa systems.

so yeah. bit of my experience. sad to see it seems pretty common. i mean, if it werent for our psych, it would have probably ruined our life.

once again this is not an issue at all with ramcoa systems or them talking about their experiences. that ex-friend of mine told us all about theirs. they were under the impression it did count as ramcoa, i dont care to discourse abt if thats right or not, and they were telling us about their experiences.

they were telling us about specific symptoms that we both had that were very similar, but theirs was a symptom of ramcoa and ours weren't. and we never had a single problem with that. when we first started talking about their experiences, they told us to be mindful that it is not a good idea to question if we may have ramcoa trauma we dont remember. specifically BECAUSE its easy to trick yourself into thinking you might.

theres no issues at all with ramcoa survivors talking about their experiences. there just is an issue, a pretty big one in my opinion, where ramcoa systems decide certain symptoms of DID are exclusive to ramcoa. i have never seen any evidence to ever back up any of these claims ive seen. but i have seen that so many of them are things we as a system experience. and if it weren't for our psych, being told that must mean we have ramcoa would have probably ruined our life

Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ I'm so sorry you've gone through that.

I really appreciate the way you've worded this.

I really want to remind people that talking about the validity of one thing (in this case, triggering anxiety) is not downplaying the validity and severity of another thing (in this case, extreme and severe abuse).

They're two separate conversations, and they're equally important and real in their own right and context.

[femmesandhoney]

no one in my family growing up would cook bc my dad and brothers refused to ever do it and my mom was the only one expected to but worked full time on top of looking after us kids and also hated it. She would try to get me to do it but never asked my older brothers so i refused out of spite. And so we all ate individually and lived off microwave meals and snacks.

As an adult i learnt to cook and love making things that are actually nutritious from scratch. I do get somewhat neurotic about not eating frozen meals/junk food but growing up on that has given me lifelong health issues. When people who grew up on homecooked meals for dinner every night call me snobby for avoiding overly processed food my eye starts twitching lmao.

I do wonder tho how many women have a weird relationship with cooking due to it being on one hand, a life skill everyone should have that has a huge impact on general health but on the other hand is something most girls were expected to do for their families and to be a *good wife* for future husbands, and so refusing to learn is almost a rebellion against that. Even now, i love cooking for myself but cooking for other people... nope cant do it :/. Especially not for a man, but ive had female roommates i was cooking for who would joke about me being their wife and start making demands about what i should make, get annoyed if i was too busy to cook, and expect me to cook for anyone they brought over. Its like any women who's doing the cooking is looked down on (even if the food itself is praised) and everyone forgets shes doing them a favor, while men who cook are fawned over.

And i kinda hate how, especially on tumblr cooking for someone is considered an act of love. On one hand i agree, cooking for someone *can* be loving and intimate, but on the other its just like... its almost exclusively women who are expected to cook routinely and its not some fun, loving activity, it's an exhausting chore and if she doesn't do it no one else will.

Sorry for the long rant on cooking, but i cant talk about these things in my real life without everyone thinking im being crazy and over thinking things lol.

"When people who grew up on homecooked meals for dinner every night call me snobby for avoiding overly processed food my eye starts twitching lmao" no i understand this completely anon! as my mom was a single mom, most of the meals i had when i was really little were frozen or microwaveable, it wasn't until i was older my mom started cooking more or at least buying hot meals/ready made fresh food from the grocery store that we were actually eating less processed food for once. my grandma, though, was an amazing cook, so i know my mom grew up with good food every day, that was just expected of moms back then too like you said. so whenever i cook, i love love love just cooking stuff from scratch as much as possible.

and while i get what you're saying overall, and you're right lots of women don't learn to cook as a fuck you to gender roles, i was thinking of my friend and her sister and mom. there's no man in that household lol, so there's not any form of "you should cook while your father/brother sits around". i think probably her mom rebelled against it as a kid and never learned and just never taught her kids then, which is sad af.

i'm sorry your roommates are expecting shit from you though. that's very unfair on you. and i think cooking definitely is a form of love, but it's more actually romantic and sweet when both partners know how to cook and can reciprocate all that effort in an equal way. i think like chef couples are sweet af because you can see both of them equally can balance those acts and that when they cook together there's no stress because you know the other knows what they're doing. people who are like "let's cook/bake" as a fun date idea with their partner but only one knows what they're doing is not fun lmao. you're just micromanaging the other the entire time. sooo romantic and loving.

[hypergamygimme]

So I just went to see this guy I've been talking to for over a year now long distance. I went alone, payed for everything the hotel, and flight and all and it didn't go well at all. The guy and I have been having communication issues, I have felt that being long distance that we are he should call, face time me more but he kept telling me to go visit him and how he would not put in effort to talk to me if I was not coming or booked a flight. So I booked a flight to see him feeling pressured because he told me he wasnt ever going to see or talk to me again and that he would block me....I expressed many times how anxious I was and overwhelmed with all of this but he assured me it would be okay and that we wouldnt just hookup, we would do other things and not just drink...so when i got there he was working and told me to continue to message him so that he knew i wasnt going out and meeting other guys so I did but still had a dating app downloaded on my phone as I am keeping my options open because the situaton with him has been hard and hes not my boyfriend...anyway so while hes at work he tells me to get dressed up and ready to go out because we were going to go out for drinks and dinner. So I got all ready he came and brought the alcohol which I was confused about because I thought we were going out, he then said we were going to drink first then get dinner and i suggested sushi which we was down for so we drank the hotel tequila with a chaser and I ended up getting pretty drunk fast...All I remember after that was walking to get sushi and in the restaurant he asks me to pay and i was like ok..so then they try charging my card and it declines so then he pays but then asks if i can cash app him...the rest of the night was a blur and woke up with throw up all over the bed, he had left and I tried reaching out to him to discover I had been blocked. I was so anxious because he told me how he wouldnt leave me, how i didnt want to drink alot especially not get blacked out but did...i tried calling him from private number and he finally unblocks me and messages me and goes "listen. I blocked you because you were talking to other men, thats so dirty, you were even trying to meet someone down here, i saw the dating app, the messages, i cant trust you, you really came here to hoe out, bye for good" then blocks me...im just so hurt he not only looked though my phone when i was drunk but sent himself money for the sushi while i payed for everything to go see him and waking up naked not remembering anything....The very reason I even had a dating app and was talking to other guys is because he doesnt treat me right and so i especially dont trust him...i could have died being blacked out

Sorry that happened to you but you girls are have to grow up and take accountability for your poor actions.

I honestly wasn’t even going to respond but you ladies have to be more careful! Stop spending your own money to go see guys. Stop communication once someone disrespects you. Keep your guard up until he proves he’s worthy. Stop drinking so damn much! Don’t fall under pressure! Don’t go with anyone you don’t feel completely safe with. Let family /friends know where you are and who you’re with. SAY NO! One guy should not rule your world, YOU rule your world. Stop being so nice to these assholes. Be mean!! Guys come and go, stop acting so desperate. Don’t do something like this again , this could have gone so much worse.

He had no good intentions for you in the beginning and he played you. It’s that simple. Stop dating and focus on your self esteem.

Stop putting your life in jeopardy for people who don’t care about you.. actually NEVER put your life in jeopardy for ANYBODY!

[boyfhee]

GET TO KNOW ME GAME !

tagged by · @dearhee

tagging · @koishua @yujipg @amakumos literally don't have anyone to tag 🤣 just do this even if ur name isn't here

birthday: 25th may, i wish i shared it w someone

favourite colour: rose gold, gray rose / gray lavender, ice blue

do you have pets? no, but i do have a stray cat i feed and she basically lives in my backyard

how tall are you? no

how many pairs of shoes do you own? 😵‍💫 around 20

favourite song: sherlock ( oceanfromtheblue ) 긴밤 ( seori ft GIRIBOY ) mimi ( youra ) by my side ( junny ) i have so many help

favourite movie: interstellar, literally the best thing ever directed. also, these are not movies but 2521 ( kor. ) first love ( jap. ) threads our tapestry of love ( jap. )

who would be your ideal partner? lee heeseung yeah, he is the standard. but fr i like people who i can communicate with easily, without much issues ( i mean, we can understand each other ) the main thing i look for is probably, how they are under pressure or how they deal with things / serious things. this is very important to me because i need that person to be there when we're going through something so it's really important that they don't avoid problems ( besides, people like that annoy me help ) also someone who's fun but is also smart ? like, we can joke around and also discuss about something academic, it's fun. i mean i love to talk about interests and how things work, everything logical. i also like pretty ppl and heeseung is very, very pretty.

do you want children? ok i'm gonna be honest. like a few years ago, i was so against it, but now, i can consider. i mean, i'm not saying i will have kids in future, but i can consider. i can at least adopt one so yeah, can consider.

have you gotten in trouble with the law? no

what colour socks are you wearing? i don't wear socks off season ( no one here does )

favourite type of music: classical, but most recently added is krnb

how many pillows do you sleep with? one

what position do you sleep in? straight ?? it's good for posture

what don’t you like when you’re sleeping: noise. loud music, or talking too much. u want to talk, go do it somewhere i am not sleeping

what do you have for breakfast: fruits / fruit juice, milk ( with toast, optional ) on school days. when i'm home, i usually have a bowl of fruits with coffee ( odd choice, i know, but it really gets me through next 5-6 hours that are very crucial )

have you ever tried archery? except in amusement parks, no

favourite fruit: guavas, grapes, kiwis, bananas

are you a good liar? very, very good liar

what’s your personality type? intj, i like being smart fr

innie or outie? former

left handed or right handed? ambidextrous hehe i can write + draw with both hands ( love me for that )

favourite food: we have these dishes called pav bhaji & idli sambhar, honestly heaven

favourite foreign food: pasta ( creme cheese one especially )

am i clean or messy? both, more on the clean side

most used phrase: innit, "just like me fr," at the most random times, "help me" as a way to express delight "sweetheart," to call my friends help does that count?

how long does it take for you to get ready: 20 minutes, at most. i don't use makeup except eyeliner & gloss but even if i opt for anything more like blush or eyeshadow, it takes 30, at most

do you talk to yourself? it's a coping mechanism

do you sing to yourself? all the time

are you a good singer? i think? i mean, i passed 2 rounds of sm global auditions so that says something

biggest fear? yk deep water? where you aren't able to see anything except pure darkness? the eerie feeling it carries? that. it's not a phobia, but it's to the point that i get scared even by looking at it in pictures so i avoid those

are you a gossip? we all are, to an extent

do you like long or short hair? medium to long

favourite school subject: science, biology specifically ( zoology, in that ) and that's why im pursuing med lolol, also i love english, engineering graphics and math minus commercial mathematics and trig

extrovert or introvert: introvert but i talk quite a lot when i'm with family or with close friends ( the classic, yk )

what makes you nervous: doing something for the first time, going to a place i've never been, MAKING SPECIMEN SLIDES i swear i've spent my highschool years making microscope slides but it never fails to make me nervous like what !! if !! there's !! an !! air bubble !! v good at it but i still have tendencies to mess up

who was your first real crush? this guy from tenth grade, we went to a competition together from school and got lost in the city so ig that's where my feelings originated from

how many piercings? 2

how many tattoos? none

how fast can you run? idk bro but it's pretty decent

what colour is your hair? black

what colour are your eyes? black

what makes you angry: when i can't do something that i know i can do ( like when i mess up a painting, or some questions ) people who think they're entitled to everything, people who talk shit behind others ( i mean we all do that, but like, i dislike ppl who use others and then talk behind their back ) people who avoid responsibilities, PEOPLE WHO ARE CRUEL WITH ANIMALS i swear if u dont treat animals nicely you will have a miserable life

do you like your name? definitely

do you want a boy or a girl as a child? can't pick

what are your strengths? i am very, very calculative so i make decisions i do not regret ( slay ) my determination is through the roof, i've been told that i'm eloquent & clear with agenda which is such a plus point for me, i have experience with tons of things ( science, math, art & painting, music, dance, basketball, volleyball, swimming, cricket, badminton, chess, baking, finance, coding & computer science, writing, tutoring, public speaking, basically everything that my parents ever made me learn plus it's v fun tbh ) i can adapt quickly, i am amazing memorizing skills, quick learner

what are your weaknesses? i know i sound like im bragging in prev question, but i have so many weaknesses to cover my strengths up . major one being finding it hard to concentrate and staying motivated, getting things done on time, my laziness god i am so lazy. it's super hard for me to build a habit and ever harder to get rid of one, i can't cook for the life in me and i have so much trouble trying to mix up with new people

what is the colour of your bedspread? teal

colour of your room: one wall is pink while rest 3 are off white

[unluckyhoneybee]

I need to rant and get this out.

My experience right now on the route to self dx, self discovery and looking for support:

(English is not my first language, maybe there are some terms written wrong or something, I don't plan to offend anyone, I just literally translate a lot of stuff. If it's the case, tell me and I'll correct it)

I think it was around November when I started seeing these tiktoks about adhd. My first thought was to think that it was bullshit and those weren't symptoms, everyone taps their foot when nervous or stims a bit. Right?

Well, it started bugging me a bit when instead of this "cute and quirky" videos, more serious stuff started to shoe up on my time line. It talked about attention and focus issues, about adhd paralysis, sensory issues, executive disfunction, hyperfocus, etc. I related too much to all of this.

I decided to start researching about this. I literally hyperfocused on Adhd. I could only think about it, watch videos, read, follow people, etc. I discovered that no, some of those symptoms I thought were common for everyone were not. I discovered that yes, everyone can tap their foot when they are nervous, but it's something truly common for adhd people. It's a common trait.

Well, I reached the point in which I needed to start talking to someone. My friend as adhd. She is literally my best friend. I wasn't expecting a reaction like this. I told her I believed I had adhd and she said: No you don't, you are really intelligent. You probably have really high IQ. Cool. I felt like shit and tried to explain to her that I had been reading about certain symptoms and that it made sense. She made me list some of them and then told me that it wasn't adhd, it was probably just something else. "I am very sensitive to noises and crouds and going to bars makes me anxious" "You are really introverted" that shit hurt and for a couple of days I felt lost. At that point I was so sure I had adhd and many things had started to make sense.

Then I talked to my sister and she said, it's alright. What do you plan to do now? I don't know. I still don't know. But she stayed with me, she let me rant and understood, she asked questions and listened to me. Also, she had just made a friend who is working on her diagnosis and I'm so thankful because we are always exchanging experiences.

Coming back to my best friend. When the idea that I have sdhd settled back, I realized that it made her insecure. She is really insecure. She is not the best in the class, she had a hard time studying and passing exams. She always said it's the adhd and she truly believes that it makes you stupid or something (no blame to her, her mental health is on the floor and has too many problems to deal with and fix). I get better grades, I know a lot of stuff about nature, animals, etc so for her, if I have adhd and can pass some exams it means that she is a failure and could do better.

Then, after admitting that I have adhd I started talking to my mum and dad because I'm sure it comes from my dad's side of the family and there are many (dad included) that have adhd in there. Okay. My mum has her doubts. Again, I'm intelligent. How am I going to have an attention deficit?

My cousin (5yo) probably has autism. Everyone in the family is worried because he needs to be "fixed". Bullshit. Yeah. But I have felt very misunderstood for my whole life and I'm not going to play that game. I started researching because I read about Audhd and because Im 90% sure that the kid is autistic. I want to be ready if someone brings it up in my family because I know that they won't do it in a good way.

During this austism research, I started doubting. What if? Again the same process. This time I only told my sister. Watching how my best friend reacted and how my family talks about my cousin's "problem" I don't feel ready.

At this point, I'm almost sure I'm autistic. I ve read about masking, about how adhd and austism can hide each other when they come together, late diagnosis, how girls get less diagnosed, more and more symtoms... I've done countless of test for both, autism and adhd, and they all come out as positive.

The thing is I don't feel ready to reach for Profesional help:

I have always known I'm different from the people around me. I wasn't like the other kids, like my friends. I preferred to stay at home than going to the park. I had a room full of Playmobil where I loved to spend time playing, preferably alone because other kids didn't "play well" (they didn't play the way I thought it should be played). This feeling of being different has always been there, it's like feeling misunderstood. It doesn't matter how much you try to explain, they never fully understand.

My dad just thinks it funny. Jajaja, my kid says I have adhd. My mum still doesn't see it. So you have that too? The only person that supports me is my sister.

For ages i have been trying to tell them that I need boundaries, I don't like physical touch, I need a lot of alone time, I have meltdowns and shutdowns and sometimes can't manage my feelings well. Every time I try to stop them they say I'm rude or have the worst moods. Lili is so rude probably the sentence I have been told the most in my whole life.

I've read some stuff about how sometimes an asd dx can close many doors and don't have many benefits for some people.

I don't want to face my family and have to explain but I really want to because of my cousin. I don't want him to grow this confused because now I look back and many things would have been so different if I knew what was going on. I've felt like shit so many times because I couldn't work out stuff and function it like others wanted me to. If I only had an answer...

I fear negative results. If they tell me I don't have any of this disorders, I know I'm gonna break. Plus, I don't have that much money to go from therapist to therapist.

I really fear rejection and people doubting my words. I don't want to have to prove anything to anyone but I know that it can happen.

I'm in a place in which I have settled for this. My personal experience plus what I have learnt, tell me this is true. I have adhd and asd. I'm not in a good place to look for a proper diagnosis yet, so the self dx is the only option. I'm starting to open up and understand many things about myself and how my brain works but still it is so scary to have to tell people. My symptoms are there, they are just masked. But I also fesr that if I start unmasking people will tell me I'm making it up. So stay "hidden" is the only way right now and it's so frustrating and scary. I wanna feel better and I'm slowly working on it. I'm accomodating my whole life to this new view and it feels good. I don't fear noise canceling earplugs now, or staying at home or just moving away if I need alone time. The rest will slowly come as I learn more and more.

If you have reached this, thank you for taking some time. I needed to get all of this out. Another day, I'll talk about my symptoms and traits, I'm still ordering those and trying to see where everything comes from.