#its weird coming to terms with something that happened to u. its not the worst that could have happened

[nonranghaes]

heads up: reader has a past with SA. vent fic for writer.

there's reasons why you hate coming back to your hometown, and one of them is the guy you can't tear your eyes away from now that you've recognized him. you genuinely, truly hope that he gets his order before they finish yours. it's the only thing that can save you from the tightness in your chest. maybe you should have put this order in minho's name.

he looks up from his phone, already smiling a little. "hm? should i go fight him?" he teases you just a little, head resting in his hand. "is he an ex?"

you shake your head, not meeting minho's gaze. he knows. you've told him before about the one run-in you had (something you keep measuring up to people who have faced so, so much worse, just to diminish your own experience further). the way you question if you were leading him on, or if you were just the one person who didn't understand the joke. the girls around you laughed. maybe you missed it, and--

minho's hand squeezes your own. "do you want to go sit in the car? i can grab the order for you instead." he's already pulling off his own baseball cap and fitting it onto your head with the tiniest smile to try and reassure you. but there's no playful lilt to his voice, nothing but genuine concern. he picks up on your mood quickly, even if you don't know if he's realized it yet. but judging by the way he glances up when he hears the scraping of a chair, just to make sure it's not him coming toward you... you think he's got a pretty good idea.

"is that okay?" you ask in a small voice, almost afraid to raise it any further. all it takes is minho's quick nod for you to get up, planting a quick peck against his cheek before you keep your head down and head back outside.

and when he finally returns to you, he just wordlessly offers up his hand for you to intertwine fingers with. the guy is long gone by the time minho comes to you, but the tightness in your chest hasn't gone away quite yet.

"it's okay." minho says quietly. "i won't let him near you now that i know his face." he draws the back of your hand to his lips so that he can press a gentle kiss against your skin. "you're safe now. okay?"

you just squeeze his hand tighter. it's gonna be okay.

[tojiscrack]

since j cannot stop thinking and DREADINGGG the angst, i have theories on how the rest of the storys gonna play out (sorry if this is incoherent i am on my deathbed, and my thoughts are all scrambled so um)

OKAY SO. i think.. k*mo and mermaid will get together. (😐) cuz we know he likes her, and like how IIIII interpreted the tutoring scene and how fast they clicked, is shes gonna develop feelingd for him as well (EVENTUALLY) BUT!!! this is gonna cause distance in mercupines friendship BECASYEEE

i think he has SOME sort of idea about his feelings for her?? maybe not fully come to terms w it? but i think he recognizes that he feels differently towards her then like, he feels towards nobara (and not that shes his childhood friend) but its also the little things, like when they had that movie night, and he was FIGHTINGGG nobara to sit next to mermaid, and in one of the recent chapters w his football helmet.

LIKE theyre both definitely huge idiots but i like to imagine that hes a BITT more in terms w his feelings

(i also think hes BEEN aware of his feelings for her since the middle school chapter i rhink??? whenever it was when he was acting “weird” towards her. BCWUASEE we never found out what was wrong w him, so im just imagining it to be he has like an “OH FUCK I LIKE HER” moment.)

back to y/n, i think she LIKES megumi, but like doesnt really know it?? shes not aware of it, shes CLUELESS!! i just reread the scene w tsumiki and kamo, snd from my understanding, pretty much everyone knows they like each other (💀)

adding on to the “kamo x mermaid” (WHAT is their ship name) i think when theyre together, kamo is gonna get jealous of megs and hers friendship (maybe not JEALOUSSS but i feel like hes gonna be like “can u distance urself he obviously fucking likes you” (perhaps even beinf like “do u like me or him??” 👀)), but idk how she’ll react?? like i could see her being like “no hes my BEST FRIEND and he does not like me like what r u talkinf about” OR “hm okay but im not COMPLETELY cutting him off..”

i also think kamo x mermaid wont be like.. a “serious” relationship?? IDK maybe it will be but they are NOT endgame (mercupine 🤞)

okay this is off topic, but you follow the jjk storyline as close as you possibly can in a “everyone lives/nobody dies au” (WHICH IS RLY GOOD its one of many things i love about this fic and ur writing) but will anything happen to tsumiki?? like (jjk idk what chapter spoilers!!) ik she dies (or her body does at least) but BEFOREEE that she was in a coma (i think thats what it was i need to rewatch jjk). ik shes a huge part of megumis canon character, and im just wondering if itll play a part in this fic

one last thing becayse this was WAYYY longer then intended (i apologize), but i think itll be interesting to see how mermaid is gonna take the angst seriously?? regardless if my theories are close or way off, the only way to resolve angst is by handling it seriously, or by dying but i HIGHLY doubt that will happen, and weve never seen y/n in like a serious situation. the only one off the top of my head is when megs was acting weird, AND EVEN THEN she did NAWT like beinf serious. im just waiting to see her step outside of her comfort zone to resolve this becahse weve never really seen that side of her. IM JUST INTERESTED IN WHICH DIRECTION YOU TAKE WHEN WRITINF HER LIKE THAT

(i also lowk cant wait for the angst so i can assign sad songs to their scenarios 😶)

ooh a prediction? gimme more 😋👍🏽

(on a separate note, gET WELL SOON, I WAS SICK LIKE 3 OR 4 WEEKS AGO AND IT WAS HELL, I WOULD NOT WISH IT ON MY WORST ENEMY 😭)

‘i think… kamo and mermaid will get together (😐)’ — at least TRY to hide ur distaste, damn 😭🤚🏽

but interesting, very interesting. i cannot confirm nor deny, ‘cause you will CONTINUE to go into this story blindfolded (even if i wanna spill the beans so badly) 😋

‘and this is gonna cause some distance in mercupine’s friendship’ — well… it wouldn’t be angst if something didn’t go wrong 🌝 i just won’t say if that’s how it’ll play out or not 🙂‍↕️

‘i think he has SOME sort of idea about his feelings for her??’ — if i speak rn— 🙂‍↕️ all my plans would go to shit so i’m just silently smiling to myself LOOOL 😭 i also like the comparison between nobara and y/n, i think mercupine’s relationship is quite different to their relationships with anyone else in this story, and for a variety of reasons than what you might think

‘i also think he’s BEEN aware of her feelings since the middle school chapter i think??’ — sure! 👀

yeah the scene with tsumiki and kamo was to showcase how other people view y/n and megumi’s relationship 🌝 idk if everyone has thought of them as an item, but yeah, quite a few people have considered it, and they might be lowkey shipping them internally. the only person who’d try his best to do smth about it would be satoru, the instigator 🫣

i propose mermotionless their ship name unless something better comes along lol 😭 but interesting take. quite interesting, for several reasons i cannot reveal (ofc) but we shall see how everything plays out 👀

okay now to answer ur questionnnn:

JJK219 MANGA SPOILERS IN BOLD AND RED: when i put in the tag ‘everyone lives/nobody dies’, it is VERY much factual. like, i understand her character in canon had a major influence on megumi’s own character, but in my story, i’ve changed it slightly so that while what she believes matters quite a lot to him (he has a super small inner circle that she’s a part of, really) not everything he does is for the sole purpose of her living a good life (i mean, it’d be pretty dramatic seeing as it’s a highschool au where curses don’t exist — like i introduced sukuna as a demon LMAOO). that being said, yorozu will NEVER be intertwined with tsumiki like it happened in canon, and by extension, tsumiki will never die — long live our elegant queen! 🥳 the only grief these characters will go through is the grief of more-than-a-decade-long-friendship 👀 which might be sorted out… who knows…? (me, muahahahaha).

DON’T APOLOGISE FOR A JUICY LONG MESSAGE HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT 😐🤨 i live for them!!!

i think one thing that everyone as a collective has truly enjoyed so far was the whole ‘serious y/n moment’ (you partypoopers, i love her more when she’s a goof 🤨). all i can say is that you guys win (🙄) you’ll get more of her serious side with the angst (why wouldn’t you? do you expect her to slap megumi’s bum in joy when the angst is at its height? 😭). girlypop is gonna HAVE to be serious then, there’s basically a gun to her head loool

I HAVE TO STUDY FOR MY SOCIOLOGY EXAM IN 3 HOURS SO I CAN’T REALLY ADD MY THANKS AND APPRECIATION FOR YOUR KIND AND SWEET MESSAGES AND HOW MUCH I ENJOYED READING AND ANSWERING THIS LONG JUICY ASK ML <333 SO PLS TAKE THIS AS THE RANDOM TAGS I USUALLY ALWAYS ATTACH TO THE BOTTOM WHEN I’M NOT BUSY 😔💜

your final sentence will be addressed ‘cause there’s a playlist i’ve already begun making that takes you through all the stages in liar, liar

[stewyhosseini-bf]

do u think it’s strange that there was almost no mention of kendalls drug addiction/him using in this season? we got that one line in the first episode which implies he might be clean? maybe? and its never brought up again. i just cant help but find it weird bc kendalls drug use and addiction was such a big part of his character and really used to reflect what hes going through. but then again this season wasn’t very long in-universe and he was focused on a lot of other things so maybe there wasnt any necessity for him to do drugs? i might have answered my own question.

Okay that's a really good question. So in terms of why they didn't bring it up again, I literally just listened to a podcast ep where Jesse essentially answered this exact question so I'll just write down his answer here real quick:

Podcast Host #1: I don't think I've ever seen an addict on television without relapse being part of the story.

Jesse Armstrong: Yeah, yeah, and it was part of our story, but I wasn't especially intrigued by that dynamic.

Podcast Host #2: Why did you do it if you weren't that intrigued by it?

JA: It just felt right. It's that episode in the desert, it came after episode 6 of the first season. And it just felt like he was in a tough place and so we did it cause it felt right. But the episode isn't really about that. I don't want to be glib about addiction, but I think it's quite heavily covered in the culture. It's well covered in the culture. We've got some stuff to say about power and also I guess about the way that money can insulate you from some of the worst things that can happen to you if you don't have money and find yourself addicted.

I don't necessarily think the show (or Jesse for that matter) is saying he didn't relapse, but that, as with many things in this show, they just don't bring it back up again because there's no plot-related reason to. Like you know how there's a lot of those jokes about how 'x was true, it just wasn't relevant to [characters]'s journey so we never saw it' - I feel like if there's any show that this joke really works well on it's Succession lmao. Stuff will come up and then be dropped quite easily again later on, and they're not necessarily trying to make a statement by doing that. So them not mentioning it doesn't imply anything about whether Kendall is using again, it really just tells you that whatever the case may be, it's not really relevant to the plot and/or doesn't reveal anything we don't already know about the character, so there's no reason to mention it.

With Kendall, drugs are also mostly brought up either by Logan or Kendall's siblings, to point out his 'weaknesses' (just revisited this post on how the show conflates Kendall's drug abuse, him performing in a business-sense and his sexuality). I don't think there was necessarily anything new to be said about that. Kendall's also flying pretty high for most of the season, and those topics and Kendall's drug use mostly comes up when he's depressed and more hopeless, which he simply didn't really have time to be, with everything that was going on this season and with how little time passed.

This doesn't mean, though, that I think they don't put thought into whether he is sober or not or don't put in certain 'clues' (for lack of a better word) that point to that. At the start of the season Kendall kind of implies that The Hundred is keeping him occupied enough to keep him from drugs ('I need something super fucking absorbing in my life', which tells me he is trying to stay away from drugs and is asking them straight up to tell him if it's not gonna be this, so he can look for a different substitute). And I'm pretty sure the drink he orders in 4x2 is non-alcoholic (though I could be wrong, I'm going off what I've seen others say here) but as the season progresses we do see him drink, like in Norway and then also at the Tailgate Party and in the finale. Whether that means that he's using drugs again as well, I don't know, but he's clearly not staying sober. We also know he uses drugs when he's under a lot of pressure to perform, in the business-sense, which he obviously is this season, so there is that as well

[theloveinc]

CAITIE.. i require sage wisdom..

so basically there’s this really cute guy i have a crush on and he just got the linebacker of the year award and basically im just asking if would i look weird if i brought him a batch of homemade brownies (his favorite) under the pretense that i’m just happy he won the award-

I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF HE LIKES GUYS.. I’M PRETTY SURE HE DOES..?

i followed him at night about a week ago and he followed me back at like 6am so probably right when he woke up.. i saw that he had a girl in his highlights so i basically gave up and put a sad lil note on my instagram and i’m pretty sure he thought it was about him and now she isn’t in his highlights anymore? (i feel like a piece of shit cause of that.)

also whenever i post on my story.. he only likes them if my face is in them or if its some corny lil romantic musings.. just last night i posted a story talking about how ‘he’ could be the apollo to my hyacinth.. i posted a lil story after that which said “sunlight gleams off his skin in such a mesmerizing way.. thats why’d he’d be a good apollo, that plus he has good music taste.”

AND THIS COCKY FUCKER LIKED IT GRAHHHH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 😡🤬😍😡😍😡😍😍

so sorry to ramble but all of my friends think he likes me and i need an outside perspective.. love u caitie!

(P.S.. i had my friend ask him what his favorite dessert is.. IM SO SCARED THAT HE’S GONNA CONNECT THE DOTS.)

SAGE WISDOM???? you speak so highly of me!🥺👉🏻👈🏻 absolutely you need to make brownies for this boy!!! i don't want to sound FOR CERTAIN bc i'm the most nervous and unwilling person when it comes to confessions + dating, but i definitely think like there's some positive signs of reciprocation being sent your way🥰🥰🥰

putting your foot in the door but still giving him freedom of response as well as more time for everything to develop naturally is best way to go about things. it's never, EVER wrong to do something nice for somebody even if the outcome doesn't specifically meet your goal. Best case scenario he catches the signs, and worst, you can play it off by simply being the sweetie peetie pie you are for even wanting to celebrate him in the first place for the achievement!! i honestly see berry few downsides to this in general :) ... even if he ends up catching on, maybe that will help long term? (it makes sense to me tho bc if someone were to bake me something i'd enjoy it even more if it were my favorite, right?)

the crush phase is absolutely THEE worst thing ever tho, esp. the thinking of what could be-part.....so i'm wishing you all the luck in the world and am supporting you throughout the entire thing!! def keep doing what you're doing if the hinting is WORKING hehehe but also, don't be too down if things end up different somehow!!

i'll always love u (too) no matter what happens, even if there will be fireworks if/when you nab him!!❤️‍🔥thank you for trusting me with this🫶🏻

[islesnucks]

hi bae can i request a barzy blurb based on dress by taylor swift? ty 🥺

a taylor swift song inspired barzy fic? hell yeah that’s like my two favorite things in the word together

requests are open so go send something if you feel like 

also this turned out a bit longer than I expected

I DON'T WANT YOU LIKE A BEST FRIEND - MAT BARZAL X READER

Word Count: 1.9 k

Warning: none

Summary: after Mat introduces you as his best friend and it affects you more than it should, you end up confessing your feelings for him 

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His words hadn’t left your mind the whole night, they were on loop, replaying over and over in your brain. ‘This is Y/N, one of my best friends.’ That’s how Mat had introduced you when you arrived at his family’s friend’s wedding, to which he had invited you as he’s plus one.

You knew you and Mat were just friends, you have been for a long time, and it surely wasn’t the first time he introduced you like that. Maybe this time hit differently because you had just come to terms with the undeniable fact that you had fallen for your best friend, no matter how cliché that sounded.

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when it happened. It just happened slowly without you even realizing. Suddenly seeing him hit on random girls at the bar made you feel sick. Suddenly his hand on your lower back guiding you through a crowded room felt different. Suddenly your name coming from his lips made the world stop. You didn’t know what turned the switch in your brain from platonic to romantic love and made you look at him with new eyes, but once you realized it there was no going back and the thought of Mat and you becoming something more was always there painfully present in the back of your head.

“Y/N?” you heard Mat call you, bringing you back to reality. You looked at him still a bit lost in your thoughts. ”Are you okay?” he asked with his eyes stuck on the windshield as he drove you home after the wedding had ended.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“I don’t know. You’ve been a little off all night.” He noticed, he obviously did. Because he’s Mat, he’s your best friend, he’s one of the most attentive guys you know and he knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. So he obviously noticed, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t keep on pretending.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you replied failing to sound as confident as you wanted to. Mat didn’t say anything and the car fell back into silence. 

You looked outside the window, trying to distract yourself and calm down. You weren’t far away from your place, in just a few minutes you’d be in your apartment. Mat had noticed something but he didn’t know what it was, so you could send him a text explaining you had a headache or something to get him off your back and just move on.

At least that was the plan but then Mat turned off the car and got out of it with you. You thought he was walking you to the building door like he had done many times, nothing strange. However he walked into the building with you and got into the elevator.

That’s when you started to suspect something was happening. You looked over at him confused and he just smiled at you, like nothing was going on. So maybe he was just walking you to the door. You decided not to think too much into it because if you did your heart would start racing and would notice your nerves, the last thing you needed was to give him more reasons to believe something was going on.

As you opened the door Mat was quick to walk into your apartment and you watched him with furrowed brows as he took a seat on your couch, casually like there was nothing weird with it.

“Excuse me? Can I help you with something?” you asked, stepping in front of him.

“I know something’s up Y/N. You barely talked today and you didn’t cry, I’ve seen you cry at stupid commercials and you didn’t cry at a wedding.”

You rolled your eyes walking away from him because you knew you couldn’t lie to his face, he’d notice. “I’m fine Mat I promised I just had a headache.”

“No you didn’t. When you have a headache you massage your head and you get sleepy, that’s not what happened today. It’s more like you were gone.” You hated how much he knew you, it would be harder to convince him but that didn’t mean you wouldn’t try.

“Well I’m sorry I don’t always have the same gestures Sherlock.” you replied, irritation was clear in your tone. Mat let out a deep sigh and got up. It wasn’t his intention to argue and he could see you were getting mad, he just wanted to know what was going on.

“Y/N I know you-” he started to say as he approached you but you were tired of hearing that speech.

“Can we not do this right now? I’m tired Mat, I just wanna go to bed.” you said with a defeated look, lowering your town. He looked at you for a minute and decided to push his stubbornness aside. He knew he was right, he’d bet a million dollars on it, but he also knew you were exhausted, he could see it in your face.

Mat walked till he was in front of you, inches away, and suddenly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. He held you tight as one hand went up to your hair to stroke it. You were surprised at first but then he felt you relax in his embrace. He placed a kiss on top of your head as he balanced slightly from one side to the other, keeping his face buried in your hair.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on okay? Because I know something happened, don’t even try to pretend it didn’t. I just wanna know if it’s something I did, that’s all I need to know because I can’t leave you here alone knowing I may have done something to upset you.”

His voice was soft as he spoke against you. Tears started to build up in your eyes and you tried to push them away as you debated what your next move would be.

If you told him it wasn’t about him he'd leave and you could move on pretending nothing happened and dealing with your unresolved feelings. If you told him the truth you didn’t know what would happen. However you knew that regardless of how he felt about you he’d be nice to you. The man was hugging you tight about his chest, refusing you to leave until you told him it wasn’t his fault because he wouldn’t be able to live with himself knowing he did anything to hurt you.

Maybe it was the wine you had drank. Maybe it was because you were emotionally exhausted and unable to think clearly. Or maybe because you were tired of pretending. You didn’t know the reason why you decided to be honest and tell him how you truly felt, but you did that.

“You introduced me as your best friend today, that’s why I was off the whole day, I just kept thinking about it.” you mumbled against his chest, breaking the silence.

“Did you want me to introduce you differently?” He pulled away a little to be able to look you in the face, but his arms were still around you.

“Yes- I mean no. I-” You stumbled on your words, trying to find the right way to explain everything. “What you did was fine, I am your best friend, that’s right.”

“Then why did it upset you?” You rested your head face against his chest again, not having the courage to look him in the face as you confessed what you were about to confess.

“Cause I don't want you like a best friend Mat. I haven’t for a while now and I just don’t know how to deal with this. It’s not your fault, I don’t know what happened or when or how. I have these feelings for you and I guessed it hurt a bit to hear you calling me your best friend, even though that’s exactly what I am.”

After you spoke the room went silent again and you started panicking. You looked up at Mat who was already looking down at you and all you could see was shock. Suddenly your worst fear was real, you had screwed up your friendship with him. It was over. You felt the familiar knot in your throat and tears blurred your vision.

“Sorry ignore everything I said. Just forget it okay?” you said as you freed yourself from his embrace. Still no reaction whatsoever from him. “Shit. Shit. Shit. I feel so stupid.”

“Y/N.” he said, but you were too distracted pacing around the room and rambling to hear him.

“You know I even spent hours shopping for the perfect dress that would magically make you see me as more than your friend, do you know how stupid that sound? What am I? 15 years old?”

“Y/N listen-” he tried again but there was no getting to you, you were too lost in your own jabber. It was like once you started you couldn’t stop and you’d surely later regret all you were confessing.

“I’m an idiot. I really thought you could maybe by some miracle feel the same and-”

“Y/N!” he said now in a much louder tone so you would hear him and place his hands on your sides to stop you. You were surprised, not even realizing he had approached you at some point.

“Please stop.” he added now on a lower more tender tone, it almost sounded like a plea.

Now that you looked at him the initial shock had been replaced by something you couldn’t make out. His face was unreadable as he stated leaning in and before you could even question what was going on his lips were on yours.

You were surprised at first, eyes wide open not being to process what was going on. But once the initial shock was over you kissed him back. It’s embarrassing how many times you had thought what kissing him would be like, but it turned out to be even better than you could have imagined. His lips caressed yours gently, even a bit shily. Your hands met on the back of his neck and his slid down your sides to your waist, pulling you closer. 

Then a thought found its way into your brain.

“Wait.” you mumbled against his lips and he instantly pulled away. “I need to know you’re not doing this out of pity.”

He chuckled letting his head fall back before answering. “I’m doing this because I also don’t want you like a best friend. Because you do look amazing in that dress. Because I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long now. Because-” 

Your smile grew wider with every word and your cheeks turned red. You could tell he planned to keep on going, and you were surely going to ask him to tell you the rest later, but now there was only one thing you wanted.

“Ok, ok. I get it. We can go back to kissing now.” you said making him laugh, already tugging him closer by his neck and his laughs died in your lips.

-

hope you liked it! likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

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[weebsinstash]

I’m new to this blog a bit but I came across this blog from your Valentino x readers, idk if anyone has asked u this and I’m sorry if they did 😅 but do u plan on continuing them or any other Val x reader fic?

Honestly I've been having tons of ideas for him and other things I want to write, it's just become a big, motivation and depression issue. I keep having days and weekends off where I just sleep or smoke and do nothing and then I have anxiety that I didn't get anything accomplished and it's become a negative loop of "do nothing bc im stressed or unmotivated>feel bad for doing nothing>do nothing bc I feed bad about doing nothing>wash rinse repeat>live in constant disappointment and self hatred"

Honestly I've been trying to encourage the mindset of "dont force it! You aren't obligated! You're ok to take it easy" but I actually think I've been taking it easy for so long its just becoming easier to. Not write at all, so, im thinking it might actually do some good if I DID try to sit down and force it on my next day off. Just to get the ball rolling a little more

But uh... I still feel really stressed and messed up over stuff that's happened to my sister and unfortunately a lot of the ideas involving Valentino usually have to deal with.... you know, being taken advantage of while under a substance or things that are similar enough to her story i just. Feel bad.

But anyways I gotta tell myself what happened to her is none of my responsibility and honestly she even weaponized it to make me feel horrible so, I dunno, maybe I've recognized thst the entire reason she even told me came from a manipulative mindset and I'm coming to terms with... enjoying my own stuff again, if that makes sense. Kinda had to absolve myself of the guilt, even though it has nothing to do with me

Kinda everything above has to do with me writing in general but anyways, to get back to like, this big fluffy asshole specifically

99% of why I haven't written more for him is that I feel like I have to do more research to get his character down, and specifically? His manner of speech, since I found out a lot of fics I want to write usually deal with him making a lot of threats and being very dialogue heavy. He's only verbally spoken in the Angel Dust comic, and his Instagram can only be found through archived tumblr posts (because antis reported the account for misogyny, because that's the level of nuance and understanding adults have on the internet now I guess) and like, what if that's not reflective of his personality, what if that's just his online persona. What if I create some sort of weird cringe offshoot that isn't very canon correct.

Like. From my perspective Val is usually very, sassy and flamboyant in a very "fuck you, im being myself, im the boss, eat my shit, fuck with me and I'll cut you" kind of way, but he's also basically a mafioso and deals with drug deals and the mob and shit like that and can obviously be very threatening and serious. So I guess it's finding that balance? Like what's the ratio of Mean Pimp vs Sassy GNC partying slut, kwim. I guess that's an idea in of itself I keep having for a Reader x Val fic; Reader having so much fun partying and indulging in the worst parts of themselves with Val that they forget who he is and where they are until some sort of horrible epiphany or consequence is staring you right in the face

Like. Im definitely reading too much into it. Its 100% I dont want to write something and then the show comes out and my stuff seems like, cringe. I mean, even more cringe than me writing yandere content in general but 😅

TLDR: yes, I have a lot of ideas, im just an easily embarrassed little cringey baby who's reading too much into it and wants it to be enjoyable but accurate and im also having motivation issues

[scrawnytreedemon]

Shit I’ve Been Winding Up For A Long Time Now But Am Very Aware Will Probably Hold No Relevance Should I Actually Go Into This More--

This is about Bhunivelze.

I.

You know, when I was chilling out, on my bed, that evening on that half term in early June, deciding to check up on ClementJ64′s FF retrospective because-- Hey! It’s been awhile, I wonder if he’s got around to doing the final bit of the FFXIII saga --You know, I was there, chilling, just for a laff. Just a laff.

The rest of that week was spent spiralling into a hyperfixation I absolutely did not anticipate in any way, shape, or form, because the way they introduced that character was “wwhdhfjjhHJDFJKHKJHW H A T??”

That retrospective and a good amount of wiki-scrounging is all I have as a basis for this. This is not a coherent character analysis-- Though I might tag it as that for ease of access. This is not, by any means, the thoughts of someone deeply familiar with FFXIII on the whole beyond plot synopses and overarching themes.

I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.

Reading the vast yet surface-deep lore on those wiki pages on my birthday while in a delirious state of mind was enough to make me somewhat nauseous.

Do you think I’m going to go through all of that in real time?

(Someday, someday.)

Ugh, I don’t know how to begin, but let us, I guess. I’d recommend you read this church-mime-demiurge’s FF Wiki page if you want the same level of base-knowledge I had, and maybe the aformentioned retrospective if you want the experience, because I don’t think I have the wherewithal to get into all of that from the bottom-up.

I am also, so, so fucking sorry for any remaining FFXIII fans in advance. There is like, a good chance I may be butchering the characterisation completely, so bear with me here.

With that... we begin?

Where do we even start with this guy?

How on earth to you begin to explain the absolute monolith you’ve constructed from crumbs of a Guy, some material no doubt spliced in from the Pale King, Sephiroth, y o u r  o w n  G o d  O C and other characters, and the mountains of religious trauma you carry around at all times that is probably the only reason you’ve been able to latch on as hard as you did?

I’m going to try.

What gets me, in summary, about Bhunivelze is how he’s a prime example of how love and concern can become deadly forces if in the wrong hands. His first acquainting with human emotion was by deceiving and possessing Hope, reverting his body to a teenage state, and planning to live among humanity through him. He sees human sorrow and suffering, and decides that, to End This(because it must be ended, you see) he’s going to destroy all the souls of the deceased that make up the Chaos that’s been eating this world for the past five-hundred years so they all forget and Are Happy. :).

Capital G God here hasn’t been present for the vast part of human history because he’s hidden himself away from Everything due to paranoia from killing his own mother and throwing her body into the Cosmic Basement, THEN creating the beings that would come to create humanity and OTHER beings because he didn’t have the keys to the cosmic basement. And also he believes death is a thing because she’d’ve somehow cursed all things to pass(including him) out of Spite.

Which explains why he’s so fucking averse to it and anything to do with it.

Bhunivelze, to put it lightly, is Shit at stepping into others’ shoes and Getting their experiences-- All the FalCie in FFXIII are, but him especially. It’s clear(again, in the f u c k i n g JP--) that he makes attempts to sympathise with them and does what he can to help, but it’s with such a loftiness and a complete inability to Understand why anyone would want grief, The Worst Fucking Experience In Existence, and even less why they’d be willing to Go Up Against Him And HisThe New Perfect World just for it-- And what would it matter, anyway, forgetting their loved ones. It’s not like you can grieve lost memories, right?

Right.

It reminds me of when at the end of the story of Job in the Bible, where, after putting this man through hell on earth, God rewards Job by giving him ten new children to make up for the ones that he lost. I. And that’s fucked! Nothing can replace the sheer uniqueness of each individual person you loved so dearly! But if you were a nigh-omnipotent deity high and mighty, with a cursory, almost mechanical knowledge on the functionings of the human psyche, that would seem adequete; enough.

Bhunivelze is doing that on a cosmic level.

I now want to get onto the romance: that being, his affections for Lightning. I don’t know how much I’m going to say, but it’ll probably be alot. It’s something that hits very close to home.

There is this... thing, within certain branches of Christianity, perhaps even in those of various Abrahamic faiths, where God’s love is posited to be the love-- The ultimate, most-fulfilling, all-encompassing love you could ever imagine --Because, well, he is love, so the story goes, and so often the best way to convey that is through the imagery of...

Marriage.

Giving up yourself so completely, to serve, to be the Bride; to be bound by him for all eternity; and for there to be no higher bliss than this.

This angle is pushed on young girls and women the most; from the mere parallels to the woman’s role in marriage, all the way down to downright-horrifying ultra-Evangelical purity pacts. With men, God is your dad, your best bud and confidant, your boss, your king, your this, your that, and the ‘marriage‘ as it were is relegated to a sort of half-thought; a metaphor.

For me, God was an attempt at all that, and my arranged groom.

(It was almost incestuous; was incestuous, that my own Divine Father would reach for my hand in marriage.)

Bhunivelze experiences Emotions™ for the first time through Hope, experiences Hope’s sheer overwhelming admiration for Lighting(whether there were any baby-crush feelings mixed in, I can’t say), and promptly falls into a nigh-romantic obsession with Lightning, deciding that she will be Etro(his all-but daughter)’s replacement, will be his Goddess of Death to-be-- He even calls her as such, before the final boss-battle--

...In the JP.

What happened in localisation, probably due to a number of factors, all the way back in early 2014, was that everything emotionally challenging about Bhunivelze was scraped off, like it was extra fat, and tossed aside, leaving us with the bland, clichéd shell of a foe-god we’ve seen time and time again. And I mean everything. I mean his very love for humanity; the fact his ploy was, in his eyes, to save them. Because if they’d left that all on, then it would raise the question of even if there was such a seemingly pure, all-knowing, loving being hell-bent on setting things “straight,“ would they truly be unquestionable? Would we have the right to fight for our humanity in the face of the Creator of the Universe?

To reject a love so personal?

That’s what gets me about FFXIII’s tackling of God, no matter how hackneyed and poorly-executed. It’s personal.

It’s from a feminine experience.

I know that terming is... vague, and problematic, but the way Christianity and much of the video game industry handle femininity itself is weird and problematic, so as it stands, I’ll have to simplify it. Apologies.

What sets FFXIII’s Let’s Kill God™ plot aside from most JRPG Let’s Kill God™ plots is that with our protagonist being a woman, and one who is very in touch with her femininity alongside her sheer strength; often, in these stories, God is reduced to Yet Another Foe, expected or unexpected, and you are tasked with taking him down unquestioningly for the Good of Mankind-- You will fight God, because you are right to, and you will go man-to-man-to-however-many-men you decide to bring along for the bloodbath.

And that just, doesn’t speak to me.

Even as an Extian.

Especially as an Extian. And an AFAB one with a deeply complicated experience with my gender, at that.

Leaving Christianity was painful. Questioning God was painful. Coming to terms with the fact that I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually traumatised under the guise of All-Encompassing Love was so, so fucking painful. I had been taught since I was five years old to devote myself to him, spent my life desperate to feel something, anything, to stay connected because I just, I never could Feel It on a deeper level, never could Give Up Myself, all I was, couldn’t Die A Spiritual Death And Be Reborn As His Eager Vessel, thus deeming myself to be worthless and a broken vessel for years and years on end... And for all that to have been... Nothing.

Lightning is hollowed out, the shards of her dead sister ripped from her in-stasis, leaving her emotionally numb for the majority of the game, Bhunivelze sweeps it under the rug, pretends he’ll perform a miracle and return Serah to life in exchange for her compliance, then sends her on her way to do his work, all the while knowing he’s going to pull said-rug from under her and elevate her such dizzying heights in the aftermath--

That he’ll deny her humanity.

Sand down all the rough edges that make her her, and polish her up afterwards, gild her as he is gilded, make her a Goddess.

And he’ll do it all because he loves her.

You can’t fight God like you can everything else. To fight It is the fight Existence Itself; FFXIII even conveys that by making Bhunivelze’s model part of the arena; it’s baked into the fabric of the game, no matter how minute.

While Lightning Returns is far from perfect in its execution of this concept, and that in itself makes me wince, not even taking into account the horribly botched excuse for a localisation Bhunivelze endured, it speaks to me more than anything else I’ve seen so far.

And it’s helped uncover some things within me. Helped me untangle them, just a little more.

So, yeah. I have alot of Thoughts on Bhunivelze, I want to share them, and I’m kinda really sad I have no one but my currently-absent friend Vee to share them with. I could get into alot more, like his very Fucked relationship with familial bonds, and how Lightning’s role as saviour so deeply parallels the overwhelming panic and never-ending guilt of Evangelical proselytisation, but I think I’ll leave those for another time.

In short, Bhunivelze is the epitome of Divine Love gone deeply wrong; on all fronts.

And if all of that isn’t enough to intrigue you, then, in Vee’s words, Lightning and Velze are literally canon endgame Sefikura lmaOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

[watermelonlipstick]

Dreams, Chapter 5

If you haven’t read this series before, you might want to start on Chapter 1, or check out the Dreams Masterlist! Here’s the series description:

When Dean dies for good leaving Sam and his girlfriend (the reader) behind, they must figure out how to carry on without him. Alone, reeling, and unsure what to do next, trying to honor Dean’s memory and follow their hearts gets even more complicated when their nightmares become dreams that feel a little too real.

GET. READY. This is a bigger chunk but I really think it’s worth it. 

Title: Dreams, Chapter 5

Pairing: (past) Dean Winchester x Reader, (eventual) Sam Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 5343

Summary: Dean’s birthday proves easier than expected in some ways and harder in others. 

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, alcohol, s l o w  b u r n

           Sam pulled back from you, opening one eye drowsily. “Are you okay?” he says, voice gritty with sleep.

           “Yeah, I…he didn’t die,” you breathed, confused.

           He cleared his throat. “What?”

           “He always dies. He fell off of Bobby’s roof, but he just broke his ankle, he, he didn’t die.”

           Sam rubbed his face with his free arm, trying to wake up more in earnest. It was still dark, so it couldn’t have been later than 7:30. You hadn’t been asleep for more than a few hours but suddenly felt beyond alert. “That’s good, right?”

           “I—yeah, it’s good. Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.”

           “Do you want to talk about it?”

           The reflex was to say no, usher Sam back to sleep. But your reflexes had already been wrong once today. “Can we?”

           The way Sam kept the surprise off his face was admirable. It was the first time you’d agreed to talk about the nightmares that plagued you since losing Dean. He propped himself up on his elbows and flicked on the small lamp beside the bed. “What happened?”

           You told Sam all about the dream, sparing only the details you couldn’t really remember or only made dream-sense, like the way you knew it was 4th of July weekend without having been told. He listened thoughtfully, the focus obvious in his expression. He waited a long beat when you were done, sure not to step on your moment of vulnerability.

           “What do you think it means?” he asked gently.

           You thunked back onto your pillow to gaze up at the popcorn ceiling. “I don’t care, to be honest.” The almost-dark made fuzzy static pulse in your vision. “I think I’m going to write about it, actually,” you said, and startled yourself.

           “Oh, uh, okay,” Sam said encouragingly. “Do you want me to—” he asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder.

           “No, no. I’ll be back in a little bit, see if you can go back to sleep.”

           Sam nodded with more than a little concern and you climbed over him, yanking an old sweatshirt out to throw over your wilted tee and scampering off to the kitchen table.

           The house was ice cold and dark aside from the ever-present Christmas lights and you could feel the needles that had begun to drop from the tree under your bare feet, rapidly cooling on the cheap flooring. You picked up the notebook and pens Sam had gotten you and sat down at the kitchen counter to write.

           In the days that followed, the constant and varied nightmares of Dean’s deaths returned. When you woke up, more and more often making it to the morning, you kept writing to Dean about them and sometimes your day as a way of processing. You never ‘told him’ about exactly what happened and tried to focus on the sweet things you remembered that made the worst dreams a tease, moving them to your daytime memory and trying to wash away the despair the nightmares left you clawing through.

            By the middle of January, you and Sam had fallen mostly back into old patterns. The Christmas lights were still up, a sort of night light against the long Midwestern nights, and you couldn’t help feeling a small sense of despair sweeping up loose pine needles when Sam was in the shower every day. You didn’t want the winter to end, as weird as that sounded with the ice and chill and fingertips that never warmed all the way. It felt like if you moved into spring that you were leaving the time-out that you’d created and would have to figure out a longer-term solution than this rented cabin, all thin drywall and poorly insulated ceilings. Even your jobs didn’t feel permanent, the summer vacationers sure to come back and reclaim their spots in the town as it came back to life with the plants.

           The ‘mostly’ was that the boundary you broke with Sam never truly came uncrossed. When you were washing dishes he would come stand behind you, the heat of his lips seeping into the shoulder of your old sweatshirts. You’d intertwine your fingers with his while he drove, realizing only when you went to open the car door and found yourself tangled, or running your hands through his hair while he read next to you on the sofa. You never met Sam’s eyes in these moments—somehow it felt like a secret, private thing that would collapse into dust if gazed upon, some sweet, small creature you were protecting. Neither one of you talked about it in the time since that tequila-soaked night.

           As much as you’d needed to be close to him before, you began craving Sam in a way that scared you. You’d always found him beautiful in the way you admire someone you love, but you caught yourself taking notice of the pillars of muscles along his back when he broke down stock boxes and the dark swoop of his eyelashes. The comments about how lucky you were to have him that used to make you nervous your cover was about to be blown started to make you ache a little with fear and something you couldn’t place. You felt a bizarre flick of jealousy when some twenty somethings drinking White Claw dragged their eyes over him at the bar before leaving on their snowmobiles, like he really was yours to claim. It seemed like a manifestation of your fierce attachment and unresolved grief not only for Dean but your old life with the Winchesters, when they sort of were: your teammates and no one else’s. You resolved it had to be and explained it away without inspection, even when these ‘isolated’ moments became less and less isolated.

           Before you knew it, you were hurtling toward Dean’s birthday.

           “What should we do on Sunday?” you asked early on a Thursday afternoon, trying to keep your voice light and easy while you and Sam got ready for your last day of work for the week.

           “I don’t, uh, I don’t know.”

           “Did you guys ever do anything when you were little?”

           “I mean, not really. Sometimes like a cake or whatever I guess, but Dean was always better at that stuff. By the time we were in our 20s, he only wanted to go meet girls and play up the ‘kiss for the birthday boy’ schtick.” Sam grinned sheepishly as though you didn’t know who Dean had been.

           You couldn’t help but smile, remembering the cocksure half-boy you’d met all those years ago. “Okay, well, if you didn’t have anything in mind, I have a couple ideas.”

           “Oh, yeah, I had only really come up with a cherry pie and a bottle of whiskey.”

           You stood up from the kitchen table and grabbed Sam’s empty plate, leaning into his drying hair for long enough to inhale the minty earthiness of his shampoo. “I mean, that’s a given.”

           In Sunday’s late morning you slipped out of the house while Sam was in the shower, leaving a note behind that said you’d be back in a few minutes. You careened down the road to the quaint main street, running through the list in your head. The grocery store was first for the only bottle of scotch they kept in a tiny plastic container and the fixings for bacon cheeseburgers, then the coffee shop had a cherry pie that looked better to you than whatever pseudo-Entemann’s they had in the limited grocery bakery section. The hardware store had everything else you needed and some extras; you praised the cold climate necessity of having multiple places in town to get gloves and thick woolen socks as you threw a couple on the checkout with the rest of the haul. It was awkward to get everything in the trunk, and you were thankful in this moment that you weren’t trying to drive the little sedan you’d had years ago when it was just you, even as annoying as it was to park the Impala sometimes.

           Back at the cabin Sam was solemnly cleaning up, his eyes red as he wrung out a mop. You took the pie and whiskey out of the bag and put the other groceries away without removing your coat. In truth you only took off the boots you were wearing as a concession to Sam’s mopping, feeling itchy to get back outside and let the complexity of your emotions explode into fresh air unencumbered.

           You tossed a pair of new woolen socks to Sam, who caught them against his chest. “You’re going to want these.”

           “What? Where are we going?”

           “Somewhere I think Dean would’ve liked. Put on some layers, too.”

           Sam obeyed with a crooked eyebrow, coming out of the bedroom a few minutes later looking like a lumberjack catalogue model. You didn’t say anything when you realized the hoodie he was wearing used to be his brother’s.

           “Ready?”

           “I’m not sure, I don’t know where we’re going,” Sam answered honestly.

           You gestured toward the door and he followed you out to the car. Thankfully it had snowed that morning, and tiny billows of powdery snowflakes blew up around each car that you passed on the way.

           The hill was massive. It was a little surprising considering the flatness of the majority of the Midwest, and you’d had to remind yourself that there were some small skiing outfits in the upper half of the state when you’d found it, sure that it was a garbage dump that had been covered lazily in grass seed and left to its own devices. Less impressive surrounding slopes reassured you when you’d scoped it out a few days earlier, and the fresh glittering snow made it look even more spectacular now than you’d remembered. You decided not to push it taking the Impala onto the snow, instead parking at the dead-end you thought was closest.

           “We’re here?” Sam asked, obviously still confused.

           “Yep. Come on,” you said, enjoying the surprise more than you’d thought you would.

           Popping the trunk made it obvious when the bright plastic sleds were wedged in alongside the miscellaneous weapons whose permanent home it was. You watched Sam’s face as recognition dawned, closely followed by a smirk you knew was in large part to humor you. Yanking them out in one big pull, you handed Sam the green one and one of the pair of gloves you’d gotten that morning.

           “These are huge, where did you even find them?” he chuckled, popping the plastic tie between the gloves and sliding his hands into them.

           “You’re huge, it’s not like I can put you on a kid’s one. Besides they must be pretty serious about their sledding up here, these were just from the hardware store.”

           Sam shook his head and waited for you to put your gloves on. They were comically big on you, but you knew you’d regret not wearing any and tried your best to grip the sides of the plastic sled through them as you took off toward the hill. After a few steps, Sam took the sled from you without a word, able to hold it easily with both his well-fitting gloves and the many extra inches between his arms and the ground.

           The walk up the hill was somewhat of a trudge but the way the crisp air sliced through your lungs was a welcome distraction. Snow dampened the ambient noise so all you could hear was Sam’s rhythmic breathing like a mantra, and with one foot in front of the other, by the time you got to the top you felt like you’d been meditating. The view was amazing from the top, a painting or old illustration with its tiny homes and cottages over meandering fields, the snow washing everything out as if you were watching someone else’s dream.

           “Should we race?” Sam asked, the swirled pigment of his irises lit up by the reflection off the snow.

           The next thing you heard was Sam’s laugh behind you as you took a few big strides and jumped onto the sled. Careening down the hill, your hair snapped around, tiny whips cracking into your wind-tenderized cheeks as you tried in vain to steer the sled in slices across the straight pass. Sam’s cackle was distant but comforting over your shoulder. You closed your eyes to feel the speed underneath you and the wind across your face; listen to that laugh that you’d heard so little recently, an old favorite song to be put on repeat. On January 24th of all days it felt like you were being baptized in the clear crystal sound of it.

           When you came to a stop, Sam was only a half second behind you. You fell over in a fit of giggles listening to him play-whine about cheating and “Totally not fair, after I carry your sled all the way up for you!”

           “I’ll beat you again with no head start! Unless you’re chicken,” you taunted, brushing snow off your legs to start back up the hill again. Sam scrambled to his feet, passing you up quickly with his huge strides as you started to run after him. Gasping with laughter and exertion, you and Sam half-wrestled and chased each other to the top, collapsing to your backs like snow angels. After catching your breath, you propped yourself up on your elbows to look over at him.

           “Rematch?”

           Sam’s smile, all straight pearl teeth and cold-flushed cheeks, was as breathtaking as the icy wind as you tore down the run, this time on your stomach with your head low like a bullet, trying in earnest to win again. The front lip of the sled in your fingertips rumbled against little imperfections in the snow. You glanced to check how much of a lead you had on Sam and had barely turned your head before you realized you were also dipping your shoulder, tilting the sled on its greased-lightning path and therefore you with it. Sam was right on your tail and narrowly missed crushing you when you fell off the sled by bailing out of his, your legs tangling together with misplaced velocity. You tried to hold still so you wouldn’t catch his face with a flailing limb, only moving after a beat when it seemed like the collision was over. Sam’s fall seemed to have been more graceful than yours, as he still had a hand on his sled and only a left arm and hair full of snow that he shook loose like a puppy.

           “Are you okay?” he said, getting to his knees to reach out to you.

           You could feel the scrape on your cheek before you got up, but Sam’s wince was only minor when he saw it which was reassuring. He snatched off his glove and brushed snow off your face gently, barely grazing the broken skin. The warmth felt so nice and you would’ve curled up in his palm like Thumbelina if you could. “What’s the damage?” you asked, trying to think about the way your breath puffed up in clouds around you rather than the snowflakes caught in Sam’s eyelashes.

           He was analytical as he took it in, tilting your head carefully in the light. “Doesn’t look too bad. Does it hurt?”

           “Nah. Did you think I’d get soft that fast? I used to get stabbed like once a month.”

           Sam chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Do you want to go home?”

           It didn’t feel as odd as it should’ve, knowing exactly what home meant in this context. “And let you think I only won by cheating? Fat chance!”

           “You don’t even have a sled anymore!”

           You glanced around you and saw your sled sitting smugly an easy 30 yards past the base of the hill. “Gimme a ride?”

           It was a little awkward until Sam sat down on the sled with each heel straddled and digging into the snow, allowing you to crawl between his legs without unintentionally sliding down the rest of the slope. He seemed unsure of himself as he wrapped his arms around your torso, and you hooked your hands around each of his legs to do your part to hang onto him. “Ready?” he asked, his breath warm on your neck.

           When you nodded, he unstuck his heels and you shot like a racehorse down the hill. Sam’s chest was solid as a rock behind you, cushioned with his layers and fastened with his seatbelt arms. You could feel the muscles in his legs moving against your hands, trying to balance the weight of the two of you on the flimsy material. Despite your fall only moments ago, it was safe in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time. The ride came to a stop only a few steps away from your cast off sled.

           You turned into Sam to get to your knees before standing up and slipped on a wet patch on the plastic, the melted snow turning the surface impossibly slick. It made you fall forward into Sam, his seated position not giving him enough stability to stay on balance—the sled shifted back underneath the both of you and brushed your lips across his as you ended up with your scraped cheek against the rough canvas of his jacket.

           “I—oh my god I’m sorry,” you stammered, springing back gracelessly.

           Sam looked somewhat like a little kid or a doll, sitting wide eyed with his legs still spread out around you. You stayed back on your knees feeling like you should move slowly, that maybe you could back away unscathed yet. Sam reached his hands out and you thought it was okay, he understood you wouldn’t cross yet another line with him, that it was a simple mistake and he was going to move past it or ask for your help up, and then his heavily gloved hand slid into your hair and he was leaning toward you, the breath that had felt so comforting on the back of your neck as you flew down the hill now on your bottom lip. Your needle-sharp inhale drew that air from him, and you started to feel dizzy. He waited for a moment, searching between your eyes for you to pull back, to turn it into a joke, but you couldn’t. Something in the light pressure of his hand was an anchor and you found yourself glancing at Sam’s lips and slowly, agonizingly, Sam closed the distance between you.

           His lips were so soft and gentle that it made you feel like you were going to cry and then you were crying, just one hot salty tear that stung the fresh abrasion on your cheek as you moved against him, this foreign and scary part of the person you knew the best on this earth. Somehow kissing Sam was exactly how you would’ve guessed it would be—tender and sweet and reverent. The sound dampening of the snow amplified your other senses: the feeling of the cheap Gore-Tex catching one or two hairs as Sam supported your weight, the small brush of Sam’s breath through his nose, the tight flick of the wind against your coats. It was over as quickly as it started, leaving you and Sam staring at each other bewildered while your hair tangled around you.

           You could feel that your eyes were as wide as Sam’s. Completely unable to formulate a thought or feeling, much less something to say, you silently extricated yourself from the sled. Sam did too, staring at it like it was some complicated spell, even turning away from you as you crossed over to your own store-bought chariot. You could read his tension even in his back, the tight stretch of his shoulders as he clutched at the scruff of his neck, and just wanted to make it better.

           “Okay, rematch for real this time? I would say I won’t fall again but, no promises.”

           Sam looked scared when he turned back to you, his voice gruff when he choked out a halfhearted, “yeah, sure” and followed you up the hill. He was far enough behind you that you couldn’t hear his breathing anymore and it took him a little bit to reach you at the peak. His body seemed like it was cracking around him, aging in moments as he shakily got into his sled beside yours. You wanted so badly to tell him it’s okay, it’s just some dumb mistake, we were just goofing off but you knew it wasn’t true and you didn’t want to lie.

           The only thing you could fix your mouth to say was, “Count us down so you can’t say I’m cheating again,” and hope he heard the apology and forgiveness in it.

           Sam obeyed dutifully and you kicked off down the hill, trying to use the speed you gathered and the clarity in the way it split open your lungs to try to understand what had just happened. The same trip that had felt like glorious ages before was over in a second and you were up out of your sled before you remembered you were supposed to be measuring whether you or Sam had gotten down faster.

           “Tie, we’re going again!” you yelled over your shoulder as you did your best to bound through the deep snow up the side of the hill, not waiting to see if he was following you.

           Once again at the top, ragged and out of breath and only a few steps ahead of him, you took a second to collect yourself before putting your sled back in the snow and holding it in place with one foot.

           “I’m sor—” Sam started before you cut him off.

           “Okay, third time’s the charm!” you said with panicked cheerfulness that you knew instantly was too much, but Sam stopped talking and dejectedly sat on his sled next to you.

           You and Sam spent probably an hour more sledding, your legs turning to jello underneath you as you ran up the hill over and over again and your cheeks getting more and more wind chapped, before Sam finally smiled, exasperated at some joke about still beating him up the hill with legs that were half as long. It was all the fuel you needed to keep chipping away at him until the sun started dropping and the chill broke through all your layers.

           The two of you plodded through the snow back to the car together. Gloves and sleds in the trunk, you flopped into the passenger seat with that sudden too-hot feeling of getting out of the wind and tore at your coat to desperately strip some layers. Sam threw his own jacket in the back. Without giving him a chance to protest or hook up his phone, you turned on the tape deck and Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here pounded out like rocky silk.

           “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you murmured. You looked over at Sam, who burst into a kind of frantic laughter that you completely understood. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing either, because of course this was playing during the tense peace on Dean’s birthday in Dean’s car, and then you and Sam were cry-laughing in the rapidly humidifying air of the Impala while Syd Barrett waxed poetic. By the time the second chunks of Shine On You Crazy Diamond started, you were gasping for air and clutching at your sides.

           You drove home after that in relative silence, the fatigue of fresh air and running all afternoon catching up with you. Sam took a shower while you put together burgers, switching spots with you to cook them while you washed up. They were pretty good due in large part to how seriously Wisconsinites take their cheese, bacon, and beef, and you wolfed yours long before your hair had stopped dripping onto the collar of the threadbare sweatshirt you’d changed into.

           The first shot of scotch burned like it always did, offsetting the sweet tang of the cherry pie and reminding you of the way Dean used to taste when you kissed him at the end of a long night. You looked out the window at the last purple glow of the sunset as it turned the evening into deep, endless inky blue.

           “I’ve gotta—I’m so sorry,” Sam spat out like the words were beating their way out of his mouth.

           “You don’t have to be sorry,” you murmured, unable to immediately meet his gaze and looking down at your pie.

           “I just—I can’t—I don’t know what the fuck is going on,” he stammered.

           You couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity of the whole thing. “Join the club.”

           Sam smirked but it was mirthless. “No, I know, but it’s just…I don’t know. I’m sorry.” He stabbed a deflated cherry with pursed lips, and you watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. The fork clattered to his plate. “It’s not getting any easier. Every day I wake up and I’m so mad. It’s so fucking unfair that I have to stay here without him because I know that’s what he fucking wanted, and I feel like there’s no point in trying to have anything like good or normal because I’m just running out the clock. And then today’s Dean’s fucking birthday and I kiss his girlfriend—what is wrong with me?”

           The outburst hung in the air, a toxic smoke that excluded everything else. You slammed the rest of your glass of scotch, relishing the way it scalded. “So I’m just Dean’s girlfriend?”

           “No, that’s not what I—I mean I guess—it’s not like you aren’t—I don’t know, it just seems like you’ll always be his girlfriend.”

           “Are you still Jess’s boyfriend?”

           It was the absolute most cruel and wrong thing to say and you regretted the words as soon as they left your tongue and crashed into Sam, not even really knowing why you’d thought them. They distorted his face in incredulity and betrayal but you didn’t back down, maintaining eye contact until he snatched the bottle and refilled both glasses. When he spoke again his voice was gravelly and broken.

           “I guess I deserved that.”

           “Sam, this is fucking weird. It always has been, us being alive without Dean, and if you’re just now getting that then you’re not as smart as I thought you were. I don’t—I don’t really know what’s going on either, but I know that you’re the only thing that’s keeping me from ending up with a bullet in my skull or in a locked ward, so if you’re waiting for me to forgive you for something, for anything you’ve ever said or done, it’s already forgiven. But we’re too tied up together for every tiny redrawing of the boundaries to send us over the edge. Please.”

           “Tiny redrawing of boundaries? I kissed you!”

           “And I kissed you back, Sam! What do you want to do about it? What’s the absolution here? If you want to leave, I’m not going to stop you. Take the Impala and I’ll find some other car, I’ll borrow the Kaisers’ other one or something. Or maybe you want me to go and I’ll go; I’ll do anything you want me to. I’ll leave right now, you never have to see me again if that’s what you want but I know Dean loved you and loved me and I don’t think he would’ve wanted you to torture yourself all the time so what is it that you want?”

           “I want us to be fucking normal and I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating with my brother’s girlfriend! I don’t want to have a cover story and I don’t want to keep running away!”

           “Then fucking stop! Stop feeling guilty and talk to me about this stuff!”

           Sam laughed, hard and bitter and choked off.

           “I’m serious. We can’t keep doing this shit, at least I can’t. We need to start talking—about Dean, about everything. It’s like this lump of decay and we’re just spraying Febreze and not dealing with it.”

           Sam’s mouth popped open as he tongued his molars. He bit his lip in frustration before crumpling up his napkin and threw it on top of his half-eaten pie. “Okay. Let’s talk.”

           You weren’t expecting that. For all the ways it had seemed like Dean had been the more emotionally closed off, he was always much easier for you to read than Sam, who managed somehow to talk about things without actually communicating how he felt. It was good if you needed to be supported but made it extremely hard to be there for him. Refilling your glasses a bit more conservatively, you offered up an open palm to let Sam go first. His jaw tensed and he swallowed hard.

           “No bullshit?” he asked.

           “No bullshit. What’s the point of bullshitting anymore? After everything?”

-

Continue to Dreams, Chapter 6

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[writingsbychlo]

I really wanna know your opinion on Steve Rogers cause you have like really good and strong opinions that I like to read and I dont know if I like him or not, its kinda like a love/hate relationship yk

well that is a hard question. lets unpack it.

I think the endgame situation was fucking shitty. like, I get that chris had a contract that was ending, or whatever, but yikes it really through his character into a bad light. so, lets put aside the logistics and talk about steve as a character.

okay but also these are my personal opinions and if anyone comes for me over them I'm gonna spiritually dick punch them.

tfa. he's noble and his heart is in the right place but fuuuuuck something about him pisses me off. I do like his development, though. he has to come to terms with himself, it's a war, I get it. but, he very clearly has something to prove to the world. I don't hate him, but it's not my favourite steve.

aa; steve is a nightmare in this fucking movie. like, okay, we get the excellent progress of him actually becoming captain, seeing some weird shit, and having to come to terms with the modern world. however, despite the struggles that were really good, he was a wee bit too big for his boots. he definitely tried too hard to be the best man at the table. just chill, steve, everybody is coming to terms with some stuff, you're doin a little too much.

ws; okay, steve hit his peak so far in this movie. we love some good strong morals paired with crime. fuck the government. love that for him. also, he is actually in the headspace to sacrifice himself for bucky, it creates some real good storyline which obviously gets fucking abandoned by endgame. I like steve in this movie. he's not too bad, he makes a good speech and a new friend, it's calm.

aou; I mean he's back to being a bit of a wet-wipe in the beginning but I will allow it. the struggle comes and they pull together, I think he's getting a better handle on the 'captain' part of it, and actually being a part of a modern team. I don't have many complaints about this steve. at least, nothing that immediately comes to mind.

cw; immediate what comes to mind is the words 'get in the fucking bin' but I will explain. now, I try not to focus too much on the actual situation because I have always been a little undecided on which side I would take. I wanna' say tony, because like the mess they continually make? I mean, wow. but at the same time, fuck the government they don't tell me what to do. however, it all got a bit dramatic, steve knew what happened to tony and didn't tell him, tony most likely would have forgiven it if steve hadn't lied by omission. so, yeah, there's liar steve and the dramatics and their airport fight I mean, yikes. I love bucky too but let's just stop and think things through, steve. fuck.

iw; I will allow it. the beard makes me slightly feral. I would probably fuck rogue steve or whatever everyone calls him after a drunk night in a bar so there's that. also he fistfights thanos with his bare hands so I gotta respect it, plus he's getting about in the stolen flying thing I forgot the word but you know what I'm talking about. he just gives off all kinds of good vibes. I can rock with it.

e; tony dies so I don't have a single thought about anyone else except for him in this movie but bucky in the jacket does look good? no, I'm kidding I have strong fucking opinions. lol, got u. anyway, steve can get fucked like for real he's just gonna fucking dip like that? he's just gonna fuck off for peggy and ruin her life? WE KNOW SHE FOUND A HUSBAND AND HAD KIDS AND WAS HAPPY. he fucked that right up. also, he shaved the beard so I have no sexual attraction to him, which really takes from the 'I'll forgive you because you're hot' thing. I don't know. I just don't like endgame steve.

conc; steve is ok. he's not the worst character but like he's far from the best and the ending suuuuucked.

[sinslasherfics]

Henlo!! Just gonna ask for general relationship headcannons for the boi™ Michael Myers? How do you think he would act in a relationship, and more importantly if youre okay writing (I know its a bit of a big request) what differences do you think there are between RZ and OG Michael?

ahhh thank u so much for requesting!! let’s get right into it 😊 i’m sorry if i don’t get it right!! pls let me know if i got it wrong, i can always rewrite!

general relationship headcannons | RZ+OG Michael Myers

RZ Michael

• whew so i think there is a big difference between OG and RZ michael!

• For starters, RZ michael would be much more i guess you can say “affectionate” than OG myers

• now, this doesn’t mean he’ll smother you in attention however

• you didn’t even know you were dating the man at first

• he just had it in his mind that since you HADN’T called the cops on him or ran away screaming when he came into your home on several occasions amd simply stared at you that this was it and that you and him were a thing

• michael baby that’s not how it works

• you just kinda got the clue when he just wouldnt leave

• “guess this is my life now”

• back to present times

• he won’t openly seek your affection or give you any

• he’s still having trouble coming to terms with his feelings for you and if it’s “love”

• you’d usually have to be careful with showing him any affection

• you cant be very sudden with your movements

•you tried to cup his cheek once and almost ended up with a broken hand

• but again this doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you

• he does, but he’ll show it in weird ways

• the only ways he can really show love is during uh “sexy times”

• again that’s not to say he won’t show it any other ways than that!

• would probably gift you an amputated body part of your worst enemy

• your probably mortified to find it casually resting on your dresser

• he simply tilts his head, a silent question asking if you like the gift

• just nod along please

• is possessive. any man who he thinks might have the slightest interest in you you will never hear from again

• possessiveness brings out the affection in him

• will probably throw you over his shoulder, let you fall onto the couch, then hold your firmly against him

• it doesn’t feel like a hug, more like him squeezing you.

• he doesn’t know his own strength he’s trying his best

• he’d probably, with time, take his mask off around you

• do not ask for him to do it though, it’ll only make him wanna keep it on for longer

• when he does take it off don’t stare too much

•because right back on it’ll go

• probably will say a few words around you

•never a full on conversation

• the first time these two things happen they happen at the same time and your shocked

• hes just come home from a murder spree

• you sigh at the blood now on the carpeted floor as you walk over to him

• “can you take this off for me?” you gesture to his coveralls

• he stares at you for a moment

• you worry that was the wrong thing to say

• he nods before heading into the bathroom

• you take his coverall and wash them, set them outside the bathroom he’s currently in

• then you head back to doing whatever you were doing

• you hear him approaching and turn around

• you don’t recognize him for a bit

• his mask is off

• you almost say something but bite your tongue

• it’s better not to, don’t wanna make him go back to hiding his face

• he notices your shock but doesn’t think too much of it as you stop staring

• you ask him if he’s hungry to which he quietly grunts out a yes

• once again you almost jump

• you didn’t expect it

• but you smile, making sure it goes unnoticed

• he was finally opening up to you

• rz mikey has my heart

• sorry this was so long

onto og michael...

• i’m gonna make this one a little quicker, considering the fact that i don’t write too much for og since quite frankly he is terrifying

• very emotionless

• his cold eyes are uneasing, he’s almost constantly staring into your soul

• he doesn’t like to think of what you have as a relationship

• really i think he uses you as entertainment

• he hasn’t killed you

• yet

• so that’s something?

• expect no affection from this man

• like none

• don’t try to give him affection either

• he’ll snap your hand off

• the most he’ll let you do is breathe in his presence

• probably stand next to him

• it feels very one-sided

[cryingcow]

Character Story - Nishikiyama (Junior High Student) [RGGO]

Wow, 3 stories in 1 week, I’m on a roll! But I’m slowing down now, cuz the Daigo one’s pretty long, and I need to get back to studying to make up for the oral revalida I bombed XD

Anyway now it’s time for Baby Koi Boi, the partner card to Baby Dragon! I’ve always loved Nishiki, but I think I love him even more now because of this, he’s just so much more emotional and passionate than anyone else in the series <3

Also! According to this, Junior High spans from 13 to 16 years of age (cuz its 1984). Sooo it’s slightly less weird to imagine 16-year-old-pornstached Kazama buying a porn mag in Kiryu’s story XD

Story: Yuko, who STILL doesn’t get a character sprite even in RGGO, tells her big brother that she has a boyfriend. Nishiki freaks out.

Nishiki, beating up a poor civilian: “That’s for dating my sister!!!!”

Innocent civilian, getting beaten up by an angry teen: “I don’t even know who you are!!!!”

Note: In Chapter 3, the term “jealous of jealousy” or ヤキモチを妬く is used. Based on this article that took me ages to search, it means something along the lines of “gaining a crush on someone you’re jealous of” (kinda like tsunderes in anime I think) or “having a crush on someone who has a crush on someone else” or “wanting someone all to yourself”, with a hint of “love is blind”. But all of those are phrases MUCH too loaded for me to be including in here on the shaky basis of one google-translated article, so I’m leaving it as is. (But if someone who knows Japanese can confirm or deny it, please tell me so I can edit and put in the right term!)

.

CHAPTER 1

.

|One day in 1984. When Nishikiyama Akira and Kiryu Kazuma were still in junior high school . . . |

[Theater Square]

Junior high school girl A: “Ah, Nishikiyama-kun! Yoo-hoo!”

Nishikiyama: “Hey.”

Junior high school girl B: “We’re all heading to the arcade. Come join us, Nishikiyama-kun!”

Nishikiyama: “No, I can’t. I have somewhere to go today.”

Junior high school girl B: “Ehh~! . . . Oh, that’s right. Sorry for disturbing you.”

Nishikiyama: “I’m sorry, please invite me again some other time.”

Junior high school girl A: “Yeah, see you next time!”

{Nishiki leaves.}

Junior high school girl B: “. . . That’s right, Nishikiyama-kun is visiting his younger sister today.”

Junior high school girl A: “Nishikiyama-kun really cares about his sister. I’m a little jealous~.”

----

[Hospital]

Nishikiyama: “Yo.”

Yuko: “Onii-chan.”

Nishikiyama: “How are you doing?”

Yuko: “Same as usual. Onii-chan, won’t you be in trouble with Kazama-san?”

Nishikiyama: “That’s nothing to concern yourself about.”

Yuko: “Is that so. Good luck-”

Nishikiyama: “Easy, easy. Just lie down.”

Yuko: “But . . .”

Nishikiyama: “I just dropped by to see you. I’ll go home soon.”

Yuko: “. . . I really worry for my Onii-chan.”

Nishikiyama: “Shut up, it’s not like that.  . . . Hm? Yuko, what’s with those live flowers?”

Yuko: “Oh, these? They’re called Phalaenopsis orchids. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Nishikiyama: “Yeah, they look really extravagant.”

Yuko: “Yup.  . . . Y-You know what?”

Nishikiyama: “Hm?”

Yuko: “Th-This is . . . a gift from my lover.”

Nishikiyama: “. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”

Yuko: “A-Ahaha. What do you think, Onii-chan-”

Nishikiyama: “. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”

Yuko: “. . . Onii-chan? You’re suddenly quiet, is everything okay?”

Nishikiyama: “. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”

Nishikiyama: “. . . Ha! Y-Yeah. I was spacing out a little. Okay, okay. I’m perfectly fine. 100 percent. Perfect. Yup. Everything’s fine. There’s no problem at all. Onii-chan’s not going home yet, I just remembered a little errand I have to do.”

{Nishiki runs out.}

Yuko: “Eh?! A little- Onii-chan!”

----

[Pink Street]

Nishikiyama: (A lover? To Yuko? Yuko and a lover? A lover and Yuko? Lover? Lover? Lover? She has a lover???? She’s still a kid? But she has a lover? A lover? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it . . .)

High school girl: “Kyaa! Please stop!”

Hooligan A: “You want me to do something good to you, don’t you?”

Hooligan B: “Yeah yeah, come feel good with us!”

High school girl: “I hate you! Let go!”

Nishikiyama: “A lover . . . to Yuko . . . mumble.”

{Nishiki distractedly walks into the hooligans.}

Hooligan A: “Hey! Watch where you’re going!!”

Nishikiyama: “mumble . . . mumble . . .”

Hooligan B: “Hey, bro. You can’t just bump into someone and then ignore them-“

{Nishiki swings around to throw his fist into the guy’s face.}

Hooligan B: “Hgugh?!“

Nishikiyama: “Shut up!!!! I’m dealing with something right now!!!!”

Hooligan A: “Huh?! Th-Th-This bastard . . . don’t think you’ll scare us off by yelling!!”

Hooligan B: “Punching me out of nowhere . . . I’ll kill you!!”

{Nishiki beats the crap out of the hooligans and sends them running.}

High school girl: “U-Um, thank you very much!”

Nishikiyama: “. . . mumble.”

High school girl: “U-um . . . ?”

Nishikiyama: “No but, Yuko with a lover . . . she never said anything about it and then suddenly . . .”

{Nishiki wanders off, still mumbling to himself.}

High school girl: “I-I wonder what’s up with that person . . .”

----

Nishikiyama: “. . . Damn it. I can’t get my head straight. Calm down. I need to calm down . . . ! Inhale~. Exhale~. Inhale~. Exhale~. Okay, taking a deep breath to calm down. I’m perfectly calm now. Now that I’m thinking with a calm head, I can clearly see what I must do. Yuko’s lover . . .”

Nishikiyama: “I’m going to find that guy and kick his ass!!!!”

.

-END-

.

CHAPTER 2

.

Nishikiyama: (Yuko’s lover . . . what an arrogant bastard with a bouquet . . . Well, it was Phalaenopsis orchids. The flowers look expensive. Maybe he’s a criminal whose modus is a bouquet of flowers! Wait, I can use the bouquet as a clue-)

Drunk A: “So? What happened to the woman in question?”

Drunk B: “It’s perfect! Women are simple after all . . . it was easy!”

Drunk A: “Seriously? But I feel sorry for the woman though. Doesn’t she know you have a second?”

Drunk B: “Idiot, it’s not just two, I have five! It’s my technique so I can drop a woman anytime!”

Drunk A: “Five?! You’re the worst! Gyahahaha!”

Drunk B: “Hehe, I even gave one of the women a bouquet! That’s right-“

{Nishiki suddenly punches the five-timing drunk.}

Drunk B: “Bgyagh?!“

Nishikiyama: “You gave the bouquet . . . ? So you’re the culprit!!!!”

Drunk A: “Eh? Eh . . . ?”

Nishikiyama: “Playing with Yuko’s heart is a sin . . . I’ll make you regret it!!!!”

{Nishiki beats up the drunks.}

Drunk A: “O-Oi! Of your five women, are any of them this guy’s little sister?”

Drunk B: “No way! All five of them are older than me . . . !!”

Nishikiyama: “Oi . . .”

Drunks: “Yes?!”

Nishikiyama: “Didn’t you deliver that bouquet to Yuko’s hospital room?”

Drunk B: “W-W-W-W-Wrong! I gave that bouquet to Machiko, a cabaret girl!!”

Nishikiyama: “. . . I see. Don’t be so misleading next time. Jeez.”

Drunks: “We’re sorry!!!!”

Nishikiyama: (Damn it. If I don’t do anything, the culprit won’t be revealed. How do I figure out the criminal . . . )

Nishikiyama: “No, wait a minute. There IS a clue . . . !”

Drunks: “Yes?”

Nishikiyama: “You bought a luxurious bouquet to give to a woman, where did you buy it?”

----

[West Shichifuku Street]

Nishikiyama: “It should be in this area. Here . . .”

Nishikiyama: (According to the drunkard, there’s a flower shop in this place. I have no idea who Yuko’s lover is, but maybe if I find out where he bought the bouquet that he gave her . . .)

Nishikiyama: “What was the flower again . . . a Phalaenopsis orchid? I suppose I should ask who bought them.”

Flower Seller: “Welcome! Oh? . . . I have a lot of cute customers today.”

Nishikiyama: “. . . Do you mean me?”

Flower Seller: “Ah, sorry for saying that out of nowhere. Earlier today a boy in a school uniform around your age came to the store.”

Nishikiyama: “Hey . . . is that unusual? A customer of my age . . .”

Flower Seller: “Yeah. Unless it’s Mother’s Day, a child your age has no reason to come to a flower shop, isn’t that right?”

Nishikiyama: “Definitely . . . if you ask me, then yeah. I wanted to know, did anyone come by today to buy Phalaenopsis orchids?”

Flower Seller: “Phalaenopsis orchids? I think that boy I mentioned just now bought some?”

Nishikiyama: “! I-Is that true?! What kind of guy is he?! Do you remember his name or what he looked like?!”

Flower Seller: “He’s just like you, a strong-looking kid who seems like he gets into fights. His name was . . . ah, right.”

Flower Seller: “It was Kiryu-san.”

Nishikiyama: “. . . ha?”

.

-END-

.

CHAPTER 3

.

[Champion District - Empty Lot]

Nishikiyama: “Yo, Kiryu. I’ve been waiting for you.”

Kiryu: “Nishiki . . . why did you call me out here all of a sudden?”

Nishikiyama: “Kiryu . . . do you have something to tell me?”

Kiryu: “Something to tell you . . . ? No, nothing in particular . . .”

Nishikiyama: “Is that right . . .”

Kiryu: “What are you angry about? Does it have something to do with what you want me to say?”

Nishikiyama: “Kiryu . . . earlier today, did you deliver a bouquet to Yuko?”

Kiryu: “!”

Nishikiyama: “. . . the look on your face tells me I’m right. Since when did you start sneaking around?”

Kiryu: “I wasn’t sneaking around . . . it started the day before yesterday.”

Nishikiyama: “What, that’s quite recent.”

Kiryu: “Yeah.”

Nishikiyama: “. . . Was it your idea?”

Kiryu: “No, it was originally Oyassan’s idea.”

Nishikiyama: “O-Oyassan?!”

Kiryu: “Yeah. He said he was sure it’ll make you and Yuko happy.”

Nishikiyama: “Why . . . did you keep quiet about this?”

Kiryu: “I was . . . going to surprise you.”

Nishikiyama: “I see . . . certainly, I was surprised to death . . .”

Kiryu: “Then what are you angry about? Did Yuko not like the bouquet?”

Nishikiyama: “No, she was very happy with it. Did you choose those flowers yourself?”

Kiryu: “That was also Oyassan’s idea. Phalaenopsis orchids mean ‘happiness soars’, apparently.”

Nishikiyama: “Tch! You keep saying Oyassan this, Oyassan that . . . Kiryu, what are YOUR feelings on this matter? You aren’t saying that’s ‘Oyassan’s idea’ too, are you?”

Kiryu: “It’s not like that. I followed Oyassan’s suggestion because it aligned with my feelings.”

Nishikiyama: “Is that right . . . so it really was you . . . to think I thought you were a good guy . . . damn you . . .”

Kiryu: “Nishiki, what on earth are you so angry about?”

Nishikiyama: “. . . Don’t you know?”

Kiryu: “I don’t know, I’m drawing a blank.  . . . Could it be? Are you jealous of your jealousy for me?”

Nishikiyama: “Yeah, that’s right. I’m jealous. I’m burning you with my jealousy, Kiryu!”

Kiryu: “So you’re jealous . . . because the other party is your sister?”

Nishikiyama: “Yes because she’s my sister! And my sister is important to me, so that’s why I’m angry with you!”

Kiryu: “I see . . . I get it now. Yuko is your dear sister, so I should have consulted you properly about this. My bad . . . the line is different in matters like this, and I crossed it. How can I make it up to you?”

Nishikiyama: “Duel with me, Kiryu . . . !! A no-holds-barred, one-on-one battle!! I’ll use my fists to make you pay for this . . . !!”

Kiryu: “Okay, I understand. If this will make you feel better, then I’ll accept your challenge with my whole power!!”

Nishikiyama: “Let’s go! Kiryu!!!!”

{Nishiki and Kiryu duke it out in the lot.}

Nishikiyama: “Jeez, as usual you’re still stupidly strong . . . Oww . . .”

Kiryu: “Haa . . . haa . . . So, are you done . . . Nishiki?”

Nishikiyama: “Yeah . . . thanks. It’s regrettable, but I have to admit . . . you being Yuko’s guy, she really does have a discerning eye for people!! To be her lover . . . no one would be more suitable than you!”

Nishikiyama: “I’ll accept it!! You and Yuko . . . dating!! . . . I’ll have to ask Yuko about this matter . . . kyoudai? From now on, call me Onii-san.”

Kiryu: “. . . Nishiki. What are you talking about?”

Nishikiyama: “Huh? Oi, oi. Yuko’s bouquet of flowers in the hospital room, that was given by you. Isn’t that true?”

Kiryu: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Nishikiyama: “So that means you’re Yuko’s boyfriend.  . . . Am I wrong?”

Kiryu: “Why would that make it so?”

Nishikiyama: “Aren’t you Yuko’s lover?”

Kiryu: “L-Lover . . . ?! Oi, what are you saying?!”

Nishikiyama: “. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”

Nishikiyama: “. . . I’m sorry, could you give me a minute, Kiryu? I’m going to make a phone call.”

Kiryu: “Y-Yeah. Go ahead.”

----

[Phone Booth]

Yuko: “Hello, Onii-chan?”

Nishikiyama: “Hey, Yuko. About that lover you mentioned earlier-“

Yuko: “. . . I’m sorry. Onii-chan, that was all a lie.”

Nishikiyama: “! S-So that’s all it was . . . But- But why did you . . .”

Yuko: “I’m really sorry.  . . . I was reading a book.”

Nishikiyama: “A book . . . ?”

Yuko: “Yup. A story of a sick girl like me getting a bouquet from a dreamy boy and falling in love with them . . . When I read that, I got jealous . . . I’m a fool. There’s no way something like that will happen to me. I lied so that even for a brief moment, I could be like that girl in the book. You were so shocked. I’m really sorry . . .”

Nishikiyama: “. . . So it was all a lie?”

Yuko: “Um-hm . . .”

Nishikiyama: “. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .”

Nishikiyama: “Haaaaaaa~~~!! I’m so relieved~~~~~~~~!!!!”

Yuko: “Eh?!”

Nishikiyama: “My hair was turning white already . . . No, what you did was bad and it’s good that you told me, but . . . Anyway, can you make things clearer next time? And if you do meet a really good guy . . . tell me first, okay?”

Yuko: “Okay . . . Onii-chan, thank you.”

Nishikiyama: “Oh! I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

Yuko: “Okay, see you tomorrow.”

Nishikiyama: (Haa~. I got absolutely played by my sister’s cute lie . . . )

Kiryu: “Nishiki, you’ve been gone for a long time. Are you alright?”

Nishikiyama: “. . . K-Kiryu.”

Kiryu: “Hm?”

Nishikiyama: “Kill me~~~~!!!! I’m sooo embarrassed~~!!!!”

Kiryu: “???? What is it, Nishiki . . . ? Ah, no, I mean Onii-san . . .”

.

-END-

 Masterlist

[life-rewritten]

WHAT I WANT FROM BLS IN 2021 AKA A LOOK AND DISCUSSION ABOUT HOW TO IMPROVE THE BL GENRE

Hi, Hello; Bls have become incredibly saturated and growing each day, every single day we hear about new projects, new ideas, latest trailers, and it's been so great to see how BL has changed from 2015 to now. It's been a positive upward trajectory; however, again, we have to mention that it's being overfilled and not always with good shows. From the six or more countries that fight to get our energy and time to watch their shows, movies and animations, to the low budget, lazy plots that don't need to be written, Bl can sometimes be a phenomenal experience and incredible stories that make us cry and feel and learn or it can be this flop with no message, no structured plot, stiff acting and more. Am I being harsh? Should we just be okay with the fact there are more BL shows now to binge and to watch? Should we just settle for these bad stories just because there's nothing else available? I don't think so, I think with shows like ITSAY, Cherry Magic, GAYA SA, Bls have the potential to be so prominent, so unique and even beat out other heterosexual shows. So I am here to make a list of what I would like to see in 2021 with these new BL shows. Because it's quality, not quantity we want, we want better stories, better characters, better developments, just better. If we can be better, we can take over a lot of media, and there'd be more representation, education and more for the voices that want to be represented through BLs. Okay so without further or do let's get into it; 

The problem with Skinship

Now I hate to be the one that has to mention this issue, because sometimes in BLs this is not an issue; in fact sometimes some shows have too many kisses/skin ship, that end up making fans bored and frustrated with how much screen time is not being used to tell a great plot. But for me, since I started this journey into this genre, kissing has always been an issue with forced censorship that makes no sense, and stiff actors that clearly aren't comfortable with doing that. To couples that are meant to be so devoted and in love they resort to acting like buddies who can't touch each other to cut scenes and weird camera angles for a scene. Skinship isn't always needed but when a couple is meant to be obsessed with each other or addicted to thinking about touching the other, or there's a build-up of longing, and they're a long term relationship,  passionate couples kissing makes it more believable to me. What's up with this pattern of BLS avoiding kisses; please stop it's irksome I know I sound like a fujoshi but those couples that do this make me want to throw something because they're not believable no matter how much they scream from the top of their lungs,  that they love being with each other, or are attracted to each other, the lack of skinship just makes me get annoyed by it all. I also love shows like Cherry Magic where it's a softer relationship but teasing kisses and then like hiding behind an elevator for the main couple, not cool.

 I'm not going to make it a big deal, but I did feel somehow cheated at the finale of the show because one, in the manga this is not a problem, there is a lot of kisses with Adachi and Kurosawa, two, why would the second lead couple get a kiss scene but then when it comes to the main it's hidden behind an elevator, it's such a cheap way to censor it in my opinion especially since we've been teased about these two's kiss since episode 2/3. I don't need to see Adachi losing his virginity or whatnot, but I was disappointed when the elevator scene happened I was like but why it could have just been a cute kiss scene on the roof. It didn't need to be so covered and hidden. Make it make sense.  

So I don't particularly appreciate being teased by stuff like this, because it's not a sin for two people to show they care about each other like an average couple and kiss. It doesn't make the show not tasteful, or too crass, it just means that the couple are attracted to each other. I don't know, maybe it's just me, perhaps I am a fujoshi, and this is bothering me. But it's seriously to me more than that; there are some shows where this isn't a problem, where we don't need kisses and all that, but there are some where it feels so hypocritical and odd to censor a kiss like it's a sin or something. And with these shows (2gether for example)  it doesn't sit well with me, it really doesn't.  Just my opinion

The Issue With Side couples. 

Side couples need to add something to the show's plot or be balanced: there's the saying too much or too little. And with BLs I have found that the screen time of side couples can ruin or elevate a show. If you can't write a well thought out plot for extra couples, then don't add them. Normally some side couples are written powerfully and interesting as the central couple like Tin and Can from LBC or KingRam from My engineer etc., other times side couples just steal screen time for no reason, we could be using that time to make the other main couple stronger and it would be fine. Not in every BL show, that every single person have to turn out gay in the show, it's not by force. What side couples should do in a show, is add to the structured plot, give information/exposition about the world of the show, the ideas of the show, the themes of the show, they should be just as 3dimensional, just as important and fleshed out as the other characters are otherwise there's no need for them. 

Why R U, for example, had great bases for every side couple but failed due to rushed editing, lazy directing and more to make use of them. At the end of the day, the confusion with the side couples ruined the show and made everyone feel frustrated and tired by how the show was done because it felt unsatisfactory for the other plots of the side couples. An example where a side couple was done right in terms of plot but also didn't have enough coverage was TharnType season 1 with Tum and Tar, their plot was fantastic, essential and necessary to the storyline and it made sense. However, it still left a weird empty feeling because their relationship was still confusing, in LBC 2 we were meant to sort that out and Love by Chance 2 was one of the worst ways side couples are done. 

They used them for product placement (same as TharnType 7 years). Their stories were just repeating the same things we've already seen before, with no effort, no energy, and no direction given to the actors who were working hard to portray these roles. It's frustrating when side couples could be just as great in the show, but they're ruined by bad writing. 

Either have side couples with depth and storytelling that is good or don't add them at all. An example of a show without a side couple is Gaya Sa Pelikula and ITSAY. And you didn't see us moaning or crying about the lack of side couples instead it was praised because every side character had a purpose, a story of their own to tell, and depth to their characters that was needed to get us to the rest of the plot. Everyone had their own important role in the plot, and it was brilliant. So you don't need a show with many couples, you can just focus on one, or if you do have many storylines for couples, please just make it worthwhile. Please? 2021? I'm begging

More unique BLS: 

When we think about plot lines for BLs, we tend to especially in Thailand have one thing in mind which is engineering, medical students, university angst and guys in white t-shirts playing the same role over and over and over again. Don't forget the sotus gear being a symbol of their heart. I find it funny because I don't have a problem with this; if the storyline is unique/addicting enough for me to not focus on the fact it's a university plot. For example, Theory of love, but it is funny that for a very long time BLs have been focused on one type of setting; the university. We had other BLs that came from China, and Taiwan and others that weren't always based on this setting, especially China which has fantasy and more but those ended up being sad, censored or ruined. 

This is the problem. Luckily in 2020/2019, Bls started to want to be different, with new stories based on mafia-like worlds like Trapped, with supernatural storylines like He's coming to me, with the introduction of Korean BLs and Philippine BLs, we're starting to see different tropes soulmate aus, paranormal, fantasy, action, adventure etc. And 2021 already has a line up where most of the storylines veer from this engineering university plot. It's exciting. To think every country is trying to move away from student/ university storylines or give them more depth and change the normal tropes and ideas with them is so exciting and needed. I still love these tropes, but less is more, and a unique plot is even more because it shows BL can be more than just stories, can have depth, can have different versions, and can reach out to a new audience, to other tastes etc. It's been changing, and in 2021 I can't wait to see these new stories come to life. 

It’s Quality not Quantity : 

This is so important, bls are becoming saturated as happy as this makes me; it also suffocated me with bad shows not worth the praise of effort and energy and these aren't put into some shows. In 2020 we got shows like ITSAY where the producers, actors and directors fought and worked so hard to make it happen, they went through obstacles, struggled with days, they pushed through just to make sure ITSAY was created to the best of its ability. This was so incredible, and it made me almost tear up each time I watched the documentaries about how ITSAY came to life.  

Shows like ITSAY and Gaya Sa again that have directors and producers with fixed goals of trying to make a BL show more than just a typical low budget show, putting all their effort, time and ideas to make this mean something is so incredible, so excellent, words can't explain the masterpieces that are created from people who take what they're doing with this genre seriously. And for a long time, we've struggled for people to take this genre seriously, to put in effort and energy to ensure that the story they're telling makes sense, and is done well. 

I'm always harsh because you know sometimes the things needed to make something high quality isn't always available. Some people are genuinely putting everything they can into shows. However I feel like you can tell which shows do that, you can tell when a show is doing all it can to be as great as it possibly could be, for example, the History series; it's a low budget, but it's brilliant, some shows like Love By chance season 2 yes I'm going to keep on calling out this mess, you can tell did not try at all with what they were given, it was a lazy attempt just to feed fan girls and make money. And the thing about things like that is that it's just insulting, to the fans who waited with anticipation only to see the sequel come to life, to the actors who put in the effort and tried to make it be something, it's just disappointing.

 I'm sorry, but like in 2021, we don't want a repeat of that. If you don't want to put in the effort and make something that is high quality despite the low funds or whatever then don't make a show. Other shows are being made and you won't be missed.  Luckily 2021 seems like we will be getting shows of better quality, GMMTV appears like they've invested a lot this year into making BLs be more, we have the incredible Filmania KinnPorsche that is just outstanding for just a 10-minute pilot teaser, we have new channels with budgets and research ready to make new shows like Channel 3, and we have China with new directors wanting to make more danmei donghuas (with incredible quality like TGCF, with excellent live actions like the Untamed) and we have more countries just making good stories and good productions with all they have. So yeah I'm excited to see what shows will be created with this type of energy in 2021.

Let’s make it more risky

So already discussed about unique plotlines and better quality. But one thing as well in the same category as all of these suggestions is BLs being riskier. There are times where BLs try and go overboard and take risks to do new stories that make people uncomfortable, or agitated like Friendzone but the thing is I live for these storylines because it's not just fluffy or tropey stories that are based on novels that need to be told. BL can be so much more. Sometimes bls are stale, and sometimes they try to do riskier messier stories with more depth. And for example, with a company like GMMTV where they have sources and sources of stories they can tell that can be riskier and be different to the pattern they usually follow, we can get such great plots and tales based on new ideas.  I want to see a show like the gifted with bl plotline, the shipper season 2, focused on WayKim,  things without using a book adaptation and without basic plots we needed to settle for. GMMTV is trying to do that now with Not Me coming soon and shows like Friendzone, Baker Boys etc. But I want more riskier stories. Again so that BLs are more than just what they're known for, the same tropes all over and over again, the same ideas and plotlines, but new screenwriters, unique stories not based on books or what's already been made, just new ideas. That's one thing that will pave new ways for BL. Like Give us a historical Thai BL, give us a sageuk Korean show, give us time travelling. I don't know just new ideas, sci-fi, new genres, more psychological thrillers. It could be anything, and it would be so fantastic. Let's see what 2021 offers. 

Let's keep with the PC Energy; 

Shows are being called out for unnecessary toxicity, sexism, bad females that don't get the point that they're beards, problems with non-consent; these need to stop in 2021. I'm not saying we can't have shows that talk about the results and consequences of these kinds of issues, because I find it fascinating when shows take a risk and mention that, like TharnType, but it is 2021 , a new decade, we really need to stop having shows that romanticise topics that aren't okay, emotionally abusive relationships should be seen as emotionally abusive and not praised, character toxicity needs to be called out and shown as that, not as a typical bad boy who needs to be saved trope etc. I don't want to get rid of angsty haters to lovers or flawed characters that need to grow; because those stories are so exciting to watch, and analyse, but don't just add trauma for no reason and not take it seriously, don't just make characters do things without making sure the audience knows this isn't okay. We're getting better, and we're getting more healthier relationships, tropes and conversations, but there's more work to be done in some shows in 2021. Some shows like the shipper in 2020 that had predatory behaviour, incest  (not dealt with properly) which felt like a flashback to the past. 

Longer BLS:

Looking at you Korea, don't mess around you literally can have this genre in your hand,s if you make a worthy production like a typical kdrama it doesn't have to be 16 episodes. Ten is fine, even just 30 minute per episode is okay with us. If you just add more minutes and more depth to the stories, so there are more character flesh outs and more chances for your stories to be developed and not rushed. Then Korean BL will literally take over everything.  There's nothing else to really say, Korea has fantastic plot lines, intriguing characters, fun storylines that make you addicted. Yet, it always feels unsatisfactory and annoying because it's just 10-15 minutes per episode. Make it make sense. I mean there are reasons for it because of budget, and lack of mainstream support but I still think we can just focus on one show, with all the money and effort from the other shows add it to one show, make it long, make it big and create a masterpiece and it will explode. The potential is there, plus with Channels like Channel 3 in Thailand, Bls are really starting to be one hour long and have like 16 or more episodes. That's been a fun journey. But Korea, please join this energy and make more shows that are longer and better. Please??

China it's enough: 

I'm being serious; I don't know how we'll ever pass this problem, but TGCF tried to, and I can see many companies are trying to find a way to overcome this. I know with China it's not fair to demand this it's not a full representation of the Chinese culture or whatever,  but it's irksome; there's a lot of shows that can take our breaths all away in China, so many great shows so please stop ruining that. I'm tired of the PTSD of the shows potentials we lost (The guardian)  because of censorship and other issues, sad forced endings, cutting scenes and deleting episodes like it needs to stop in 2021. Because now, don't pretend that the success of BLs isn't making money and causing the Chinese industry to make more shows like these. But this is my wishful thinking like I said I don't fault writers for trying to be careful with laws, but it is incredibly frustrating when you have a country with the best creativity, storylines, acting etc., and it's ruined by censorship. Let's hope 2021 finds a way to get around this. 

Let the BL animation rain; 2020 saw a remarkable rise to danmei donguas! I'm talking MXTX universe with scum villain, TGCF, Mo dao zu shi and more, so let's keep that energy; what I love about danmei is how unique the plots are we can have transmigration, fantasy, supernatural, mafia etc. it never ends, these stories are incredible, the quality of the animations are so excellent, and the love of the characters always get me. We just need to see more come to life. 

The Brilliance of Meta; 

With ITSAY and Gaya SA and Cherry Magic taking over 2020, meta in BLS have been delicious to watch and analyse, and I want more. This is such a selfish ask, but what can I say, I live for shows filled with meta, with depth, with analysis, with characters that are not just one way on the surface but they tell a different story in subtext. I live for clues, and evidence, and production choices, hidden facial gestures, and objects with meanings;  more symbolisms, more foreshadowings, more dramatic ironies, more character dynamics, more use or other literature/media as bases for the story (like Theory of Love with Flipped and movies). I live for this. It makes a show so much more special and exciting when we're part of the journey; it gives something to do other than just watch the story unfold, we can predict, we can guess, we can analyse, we can just be part of the world of the story and fully understand the message that the writer is trying to tell us. Give us something to look for; clues to watch for, to see where the story is going. Change my mind.  For example with Cherry Magic, the fact that it was already precious and made us smile, was even more enhanced by how relatable it was with the meta, the pain, and the struggles the characters went through was so fascinating to analyse and read into and relate to. That's what I want from more BLs, like it's incredible when any kind of show has meta. I think it's one of the best signs of a great writer and production team. 

More Dimensional Characters; 

Especially villains, we don't want ��stale girlfriends who know they're a beard but refuses to let go, we don't want the stale homophobic parent all the time, we don't want the bullies that always try to out people. Give me villains with revenge that makes me question who's in the wrong, reformed villains who become love interests, powerful villains we can't help but hate, but we also love, shocking villains with plot twists we can't see coming (like Lhong from TharnType). Give me depth give me angst, give me plot.

 Villains can make or break a show, they can make the show so exciting and thrilling to watch like we want to see them be discovered or end up where they deserve to go, we like feeling bad for people, and getting to see another side of a villain, we enjoy seeing villains that are different from what we initially thought about them. We like deep villains; we don't always need the same villain, like give us unique ones, give us interesting, weird ones, give us conflicting ones that make us side with them. I want that. Example of a show where there's no actual villain, but they all act like it, is Friendzone and it's so incredible to watch and see how these characters behave, grow, regress etc. I want more characters like this, real, human and makes mistakes. I want more flawed characters with deeper reasons for why they're the way they are. It makes a show very addicting to watch. Maybe that's just me.

The problem with streaming services, YouTube and international fans;

  It's weird international fans need to be taken seriously,  international fans are part of your shows rise to fame, more fame, more success , more projects can be made, and more bls can be seen. Some shows in 2020 lost their chance to shine because of the streaming issues (My engineer), subtitle issues and more. Please stop, please take this into account; try harder, there is always someone internationally willing to help translate or help. Just let us know. Putting shows on Aisplay without subs when you can find a contract that enables you to do so, is a bad move. It's just making you lose because international fans will always find an alternative source to spite you. Like it makes no sense to me, if in 2021 we're still struggling with subs, and where to watch a BL show. It makes no sense because 2020 showed that international fans could break or make a show (2gether) and as much it's privileged for me to say this, international fans should be respected and taken seriously. Luckily Channel 3, GMMTV and others are starting to put more effort into recognising international fans. Finally thank you. Let's see if we improve in 2021. 

This has been a fun rant and discussion to write. I sound so spoilt, and annoying complaining about each of these minor issues, but it really does mean a lot when a BL show tries hard to make their show worth it. Like it might seem like a small issue, with like the skinship, censorship, meta, saturated stories etc., but if BLs just stop focusing on the genre and what other people think this genre should be if people stop focusing on BLs as just BLs and see it as stories of love and representation and more, BLs can be incredible, they can be better than other dramas out there with better budgets, and mainstream support, they can have meaning, and create incredible, incredible one a kind stories. I just want that so badly for this genre. Like I don't want BLs to be seen as just the same tropes, and same issues, and same ideas that we had about them in 2015, we want growth and improvement and effort, this is not just for weird rabid fangirls only, this can be more, it can be for representation, education, for entertainment, and it can be for more people and cause a shift in the media in the world. It really can one day become just as big as many other versions of media like the world of kpop, kdramas etc. in the world.  I don't know, that's what I've always thought it could be. And if that happens, it'll be just a great thing. Anyway Let's defeat 2020, we need to keep this upwards trajectory going, and from the shows coming in 2021, I think it's possible. 

[obwjam]

Ok so I loved your ‘Anakin gets shrunk’ thing but now I’m also imagining a scenario in which the tiny is suddenly as tall as their giant friends.

AH THANK U i’m glad you liked it 🥺🥺 but also yes i think about this all the time too..... mayhaps it would go something like this

————

It happened suddenly, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment where only a few people were paying attention because nobody thought it was going to work. They had finally made significant progress on their mission to reverse engineer the Separatist weapon that shrunk Anakin Skywalker to just a few inches tall, and a few members of the Jedi Council were eager to see if the nonstop work had paid off. Standing near him was Jayla, his lifelong tiny friend who had helped keep Anakin sane during the worst month of his life. There was a non-zero chance this antidote wasn’t going to work, so she was on standby in case something went wrong.

It worked, though. Maybe a little too well.

There was a blinding light that filled the medical bay as the growth ray was activated. Anakin felt like his body was being torn apart before the pain melted and his eyes adjusted to the room. Wow, everything is so much brighter.

“Anakin!” came the excited and relieved voice of Obi-Wan.

“Did... did it work?” Anakin asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Yes, thank the Force, it did— oh my...”

Sitting on the table to Anakin, there was a new person in the room. It was Jayla, who was no longer four inches tall and instead seemed to be taller than even the five-and-a-half-foot Ahsoka. A splitting headache was all that was left after the fire in her body subsided. No matter how many times she blinked, she couldn’t see clearly.

Anakin turned, following Obi-Wan’s gaze. His jaw just about hit the floor. “What the...”

“Ugh, why do I feel so—woah...” Jayla slurred through her words, and her voice suddenly sounded like she was screaming. It felt like the words were traveling from her brain to her mouth in slow motion. Through the pain in her head, she strained her eyes to try and make out the figures in front of her. She took a shortened breath. Why did everything feel so closed in?

A concerned Jayla? was the only thing she heard before her eyes rolled back and she passed out right on the table.

Anakin and Obi-Wan rushed to help her as Ahsoka, Yoda, Plo Koon and Mace Windu watched in subdued shock.

Ahsoka was the one to break the silence. “Uhm... what just happened?”

Nobody really had an answer. They threw out speculations as Anakin stood at Jayla’s bedside, making sure she was okay. It didn’t take long for her eyes to start fluttering.

Anakin waved his hand and shushed the group as Jayla stirred awake. At first, her eyelids remained heavy and she could barely make out what she was seeing. But suddenly, the face in front of her took shape. Anakin was shockingly close to her, and yet, he didn’t look big at all. It must not have worked.

“Anakin...” she muttered, finding her voice. “What happened? I got the worst headache... oh kriff, that thing didn’t work, did it?”

“Jay,” Anakin cut her off. “It... it did work.”

Jayla blinked, thoroughly confused. “Um, are you joking? You’re still tiny.”

“No, he’s not.”

“Then why—“ she started, but once she looked over to where Obi-Wan’s voice was coming from, she nearly swallowed her tongue. Obi-Wan was eye-level, but he wasn’t bending down, and his face didn’t take up her entire view. In fact, he was several feet away, but it felt like he was right next to her. She tried to reach into the Force to figure out what was going on, but she flinched away when a thousand different sensations flooded her mind. It hurt almost as bad as the headache.

“Take it easy!” Anakin cautioned as Jayla shot up, her eyes wide. Stars flashed briefly in her vision. Her limbs felt like jelly. “You don’t look so good.”

“Stop, stop...” Jayla squeezed her eyes shut as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. “You’re talking too loud.”

Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, a look of concern passing between them. The Jedi in the corner stayed put, partially so they didn’t startle Jayla and partially because they were still in shock.

Jayla stared at her feet and took a few deep breaths as she allowed the world around her to normalize in her brain. Even though the floor was so far away from her now, she could still see it in excruciating detail. She swung her legs a few times, gasping when the tips of her toes brushed against the cool tile. When she remembered the Jedi standing in the corner of the room, she glanced up, only able to hold eye contact for just a few uncomfortable seconds before moving her head back down. The Force confirmed what seemed too impossible to be true — not only did the antidote grow Anakin back, but it grew her, too.

“I’m... uh. Wow. I’m really... wow,” Jayla breathed, eyes still trained downward. “This is... really weird.”

“How do you feel?” Obi-Wan was now standing next to the bed. His mind was racing to find a potential explanation for what was in front of him.

“Um. Confused,” she said, still getting used to the projection of her voice. She was too afraid to look Obi-Wan in the eye. “Everything feels loud.”

“How can something feel loud?” Anakin questioned.

“I dunno! It’s... it’s like my senses have been dialed up to 100. Like something is bound to happen at any moment.”

“Sounds like you’re just a bit anxious,” Obi-Wan said. “I don’t blame you.”

“No no, it’s more than that. Like... like I can hear what’s going on outside the door. All the people walking by, how their footsteps sound. And how Rex is standing in the hallway and trying to act like he’s not nervous but he’s really freaking out ‘cause he doesn’t know why it’s taking so long and he’s assuming it didn’t work. And the medical droid — the one over there, across the room — it’s making some sedative. Mixing bacta with... something green. It smells awful in here, too, and it’s really distracting.”

Obi-Wan and Anakin stared at her in stunned silence for a moment. Neither of them had sensed Rex outside the room, much less what he was feeling, and the medical droid was too far away to make out the labels of what it was mixing. They certainly couldn’t hear anything going on outside of their little huddle. And the room didn’t even have a smell.

“Hmm.” Obi-Wan calmly rubbed his chin, casting a sideways glance at the other Jedi masters in the room. They seemed to all be thinking the same thing. “We can discuss this later, Jayla. Right now, we need to make sure both of your vitals are stable.”

Jayla nodded, again closing her eyes in an attempt to reduce her bubble of perception. She couldn’t take all the noise.

“Ahsoka, please keep Anakin and Jayla company and let me know if there are any anomalies in their readings. Masters, if you don’t mind?” Obi-Wan jerked his head to the door. Yoda, Plo Koon and Mace Windu, who had stayed surprisingly silent through the whole ordeal, followed Obi-Wan into the hall. They were a little astounded to see Rex as described: leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his fingers gripped tightly around his armor. He perked up when he saw the group of Jedi, but didn’t say anything as they moved off to the side. If they didn’t know any better, they would have just assumed he was tense about being in the Jedi Temple.

“I don’t know what to make of this,” Obi-Wan started. “What went wrong?”

“Too close, she was standing, when we fired our antidote,” Yoda said with confidence. “Caught in its range, she was.”

“I agree,” Mace chimed in. “Though that doesn’t explain why it has the exact same effect on her when it was only intended to reverse what had been done to Skywalker.”

“Maybe the effect wasn’t the same. She seems to have this... heightened connection to the Force,” Obi-Wan offered. “I knew she was strong with it before, but now...”

“It seems that the strength of her abilities grew with her physical body,” Plo finished.

“But Skywalker’s connection to the Force was never diminished,” Mace said. “Besides, that’s not how the Force works.”

“Possible, it may be, that this is not a matter concerning the Force,” Yoda said, drawing the attention of the other matters. “Hyper-attentive, her species is. Always like this, she could have been.”

The four Jedi considered that possibility. It made sense on the surface — she had always been quick and perceptive, and seemed to sense things coming before they happened. Now that she was their size, she was just interpreting her surroundings like normal, but on a much bigger scale, which allowed for picking up on things that humans or togrutas or anyone else would miss.

“If that is the case, then I’m afraid our little Jayla is going to be very overwhelmed by her new world,” Obi-Wan posited. “It’s going to take some getting used to.”

“We don’t even know how long she’ll be like this,” Mace stressed. “The truth of the matter is we have no idea how either of them will react to this antidote in the long-term. We need to keep a close eye on both of them, at all times.”

“Leave that to me,” Obi-Wan said. He was growing increasingly worried about how Jayla was taking all of this. He wanted to be there for her.

“Master Yoda and I can analyze the readings to see if we can find anything helpful,” Plo looked down to Yoda, who nodded in acknowledgment. “It will take some time, but as long as their vitals are stable, I see no reason to keep them cooped up in the temple.”

“We still have this war to deal with,” Mace grumbled. 

“We can’t send them back out there. Especially Jayla. Not yet,” Obi-Wan protested. “We need to run more tests first.”

“With all due respect, Master Kenobi, there’s only so much a medical droid can tell us,” Plo responded. “We may have to see them in action to get a better sense of their boundaries.”

Obi-Wan considered this. “For Anakin, I suppose I agree with that. But we don’t know what our antidote did to Jayla, or what it will do. We should keep her here for a while.”

“She won’t like that,” Plo said.

“It doesn’t matter what she likes or not. We have a responsibility to keep her safe.”

Mace turned to Yoda, who had stayed silent in the debate. “Master Yoda, do you feel comfortable letting Jayla go out on the battlefield with Skywalker and Padawan Tano once she settles down? If she’s really as perceptive as you think, she could be a huge asset.”

Yoda hummed. While the idea of throwing Jayla back into battle like nothing happened felt odd to him and he was concerned with putting too much on her plate, he also agreed with Mace’s reasoning. The situation in the galaxy was dire, and they needed all the Jedi they could get to fight off the growing influence of the dark side. Plus, he knew his former padawan would adamantly refuse to stay in the temple.

“She may go. But careful, we must be. Know not how she will react to such a chaotic environment.”

“Very well, Master Yoda,” Obi-Wan said. If Yoda thought it was okay, he supposed he could go along with it. “She’ll have me, Anakin, Ahsoka and Rex with her. She’ll be well protected.”

The Jedi all nodded, feeling slightly better about the situation. Obi-Wan watched as the other three filed back into the medbay. He made his way over to Rex, whose anxiety was easily sensible now. He sure had a lot of explaining to do.

————-

“You’re being dramatic.”

“Am I? I don’t think you understand how weird this is for me right now.”

“No, no, I think I understand perfectly. Did you forget the last month?”

“That was different!”

“Please! I wasn’t going around touching everything like I just woke up from stasis.”

“I’ve never held a book before, okay? I had to see what it was like!”

Anakin and Ahsoka were taking Jayla on a grand re-tour of the Jedi Temple. The place was almost unrecognizable at Jayla’s new height of five feet and eight inches. She didn’t understand how she was still so much shorter than Anakin.

“Come on, master,” Ahsoka dared to interject. “Don’t you think you’re being just a little unfair?”

“Psh, no way. Suddenly being tall is way less awkward than suddenly being small.”

“Is it, though?” Jayla said, finding a windowsill to lean against. She wasn’t used to this much walking. “I feel so... exposed. Everyone can see me now.”

“Isn’t that nice, though?” Ahsoka asked. “I mean, don’t you want people to notice you?”

“I guess...” Jayla trailed off, tracing her finger along her wrist. “It’s just really overwhelming. It feels like everyone’s staring at me.”

“I think they are,” Anakin muttered. Word traveled fast in the walls of the temple.

“I never realized you had a tattoo,” Ahsoka said, noticing for the first time the intricate symbol on Jayla’s wrist.

“Yeah. It’s, uh, it’s something everyone in my village gets. Or, got. Here.” She held her wrist out, still getting used to the fact that it was the same size as everyone else’s. “These symbols here, that’s a language. I never actually got to learn it fully, and I’ve forgotten almost all of it, but it means al’hora dessili. Clan of Al. The animal-looking thing is a corano. It’s part of ancient legend. It symbolizes intuition, which I guess was the trait that was most prevalent in me when I was young.”

“How could they have known?” Ahsoka asked. “I mean, didn’t the council come and find you when you were an infant?” 

Jayla sniffed a laugh. “I think I was almost 10 when they found me.”  She exchanged a knowing glance with Anakin. “And I think it was entirely by accident.” 

Ahsoka blushed. “Oh. I had no idea.”

“That’s by design,” Jayla smirked. “Master Windu was the one who discovered me. Hah, out of all the things I’ve seen, that might have been the scariest day of my life. Even now, when we’re almost the same height, I’m still kinda freaked out by him.” 

A gust of wind caught Jayla’s hair and she lost her words. Something like that used to knock her off her feet, or at the very least, push her back a bit. But now, that breeze was like a kiss on her cheek as she gazed out in wonder at the busy world below. The towers still towered, but in a majestic way instead of an imposing one. Everything seemed within reach.

“Excuse me, sirs.”

The three whipped their heads around to find Rex standing with his helmet resting between his arm and his side. Obi-Wan was deep in conversation with someone else across the way, answering many of the same questions that Rex had posited on the way over.

“Rex,” Anakin smiled. 

“General Skywalker. It’s so good to see you back to normal.”

“That makes two of us.”

“Are you feeling alright? 

“Yeah. A little sore, actually. And just a bit tired. But if that’s what it takes, then I don’t care, because I’m just glad to be me again…”

Anakin trailed off when he realized Rex was no longer listening to him. Once he had locked eyes with Jayla, neither of them could tear their gaze away from the other. They both felt like they were looking at an entirely different person. Jayla’s stomach kept turning.

“Hey, Rex…” Jayla said slowly, as if she had just learned those words and was trying them out for the first time. “You’re, uh. You’re taller than I expected.”

Rex blinked. “I could say the same for you, sir.”

Jayla bit back a smile. “Yeah.”

Several beats of silence followed.

“Well.” Ahsoka could barely take it. “This is awkward.”

Anakin tapped Jayla’s shoulder. “I think she short circuited.”

“I think you should stop poking me,” Jayla retorted, playfully punching Anakin in the shoulder. Well. She thought it was playful.

“Ow! Kriff,” Anakin reeled back. “That hurt, yknow.”

“What? Really? M’sorry,” Jayla stammered, staring at her hand. I didn’t hit him that hard.

“If this is how strong you’re gonna be, then you’ll have to take it easy on the punches,” Anakin jested. “Save it for the Separatists.”

“If that’s how strong I’m gonna be...” Jayla repeated anxiously. “I don’t know how much I like that.”

Rex gave the two Jedi next to him a concerned look. They didn’t need words to know that it was time for one of them to change the subject.

Ahsoka spoke first. “Hey, why don’t we go to the dining hall and get some grub? I don’t know about you all, but I’m starving.”

“Uhm, I don’t really think I should,” Jayla said tentatively, rubbing her neck. “I have no idea what eating food could do to me. Or Anakin, really.”

“I didn’t even think of that,” Anakin muttered. “Well, what about the gardens? We still need to finish our grand tour. Rex, why don’t you join us?”

Rex’s face flushed red. “Oh, I--I shouldn’t, sir.”

“Come on, it’ll be nice! How often are you in the Jedi Temple?”

“This is my first time, sir.”

“See? Now you have to come. Jayla thinks it’s her first time in the temple too. You can touch the plants together.”

“Okay, listen--” she started, but stopped when she realized how exhausted she was. Getting angry took up a lot of energy. “Ugh. Can we take it slow? We’ve done so much walking already.”

“We’ve been out of the medbay for an hour!”

“Well, when you suddenly grow 15 times the height you’ve been all your life, you tell me how you feel!” Anakin wanted to keep poking fun, but nothing about that sentence was funny. Jayla sighed. “Sorry. I’m just… really tired.”

“Fresh air will help,” Rex interjected, daring to enter the conversation. “Trust me.”

Jayla gave him a small smile. The butterflies in her stomach were still there, but not as bad as before. “Okay. Let’s go.” She turned to Anakin. “Oh, and I will be touching all the plants.”

Anakin snickered. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Hey, if this is gonna be a long-term thing, then I’m gonna have fun with it. And half the fun comes from annoying you.”

“I wish I could get away with that,” Ahsoka muttered under her breath. 

“Come on, kids! The tour continues!” Anakin waved the group forward. Jayla chuckled and even Rex cracked a smile.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[barnesbabee]

I said I wasn’t going to be problematic this year, HOWEVER...

I need to say this because you all, here on tumblr, are the target audience.

You CANNOT say you’re trans-something and justify it with a random dismorphia. LET ME EXPLAIN put the pitchfork back in your drawer thank you

You can’t be transracial. And you certainly can’t fucking be transabled.

And some of you might be wondering, ‘what is that’? Well they’re made up terms for the priviledged people

transracial is when someone changes their race because they feel like they don’t belong in their race

transabled  is when someone feels like they should have a disability. Or if you want a posh definition ‘the desire or the need for a person identified as able-bodied by other people to transform his or her body to obtain a physical impairment ‘  This is the best way I can describe it, some people go around on wheelchairs and shit because in their heads they should be disabled. Some people want to chop off their limbs so they can actually be who they feel they should be 

I don’t think I need to tell you why this is messed up, but I will, nevertheless, because some of you like to say that dismorphia justifies everything

it doesn’t. And I’m tired of having to watch my mouth because of snowflakes. 

There are people who can’t walk on their own anymore, there are people who can’t write anymore, can’t cook on their own, can’t bathe on their own, there are people who had to readjust their whole fucking lives because they lost body parts, or because they were born with it. There’s people who have never known what it is to have 2 arms and 2 legs. There’s people who had to learn to live a different way after losing body parts to a war, to diabetes, to car crashes, work incidedents... And the fact that some people want to sit in a wheelchair because they feel like it’s their identity.... I’m sorry, what? It shows the priviledge. And this is something thaat should be treated. And if you don’t see any wrong with this it just shows that you have never had to deal with someone who’s disabled physically, or a physically impaired person’s family. It’s hard. You showed so much rage against Sia’s movie because she didn’t choose an autistic (mentally desabled) person to play an autistic character, it’s the same thing. Mental and physical disabilities affect people’s lives differently, but they still affect people’s lives. And to pretend you are disabled, wether it is mentally or physically, it’s wrong, and messed up, no matter what dismorphia you feel. 

If you truly feel like this, you need to seek help before something bad happens. 

And maybe I’m the asshole for saying this, but I’l take one for the team, I know I’m right on this one. This isn’t gender, this is people who live with difficulties and have to face so many hardships in their lives so others can play pretend with their reality.

transracial says enough on its own name, you know why this is wrong its not even a thing but if you still have questions on why it’s wrong feel free to hate me on my inbox I’ll be more than happy to explain why pretending to be a race you’re not is messed up and wrong

onto the next one and this one is J U I C Y

W h a t   t h e   f u c k   a r e   t h e s e

Now obviously I’ve cut the person’s @ cause I don’t want any degenerate sending them hate (they’re a minor) 

but no, this isn’t a parody

and this is why people make a mockery out of gay people. And not only that! This is the reason why people make fun of sexualities that aren’t straigt or gay, ‘cause we are just ‘making up stuff’ and ‘adding stuff’ that wasn’t there before, like our sexual and romantic attractions aren’t valid 

AND THIS IS WHY

because people are genuinely identifying as animesexual nowadays. 

I mean, come on. Incestsexual? These weren’t even the worst, there was one that was (tw here skip to next sentence if youre sensitive to sexual abuse) the attraction to sexual abusers, something along those lines. People are abused every day for others to think that an attraction to that is a genuine sexuality.

Are you insane. Are you actually stupid. 

A PREFERENCE IS NOT A SEXUALITY. I don’t know how many times I need to say this. I am attracted to dad bods. I am still bisexual. Because a man with a dad bod falls into the men category. I am not dadbodsexual????????? 

These things are one of the biggest reasons why people take homossexiality, bissexuality, assexuality, etc... as a joke. Because they think anything is a sexuality nowadays when it’s not true.

If you’re attracted to an anime character, first of all, I feel you, my heart is still with danny phanton (not an anime I know) but it’s not a sexual orientation. Not to mention that you can’t actually have sex or a relationship with an anime character because it’s not real (?). I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.

The LGBTQ+ isn’t a joke, this isn’t some shit that you can make up a new thing and add it because there’s a ‘+’ in there. You can’t piggyback ride off of people’s gender dismorphia, body dismorphia, and sexuality to justify some weird kink or preference you have. It’s not fair for the people that actually have to come out, for the people that suffered and still suffer to this day to be who they are.

I know some of you will probably disagree with me, please tell me why, to the ones who are currently fuming because you don’t like what I wrote save your hate, I can assure you I will tell you to suck my left nut. I genuinely want to see the arguments of people who defend any of these, from the top to the bottom. Not only the sexuality ones cause thats easy to defend with ‘people like what they like 🌸✨’, yes, but don’t make it a sexuality and claim it to be part of the lgbt thanks have a good day 

love you all, except the ones I hate 

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[chanquill]

⋉ aмor odιѕѕe ⋊

aмor odιѕѕe; тнe love тo нaтe

A/N: yes. we’re PG in this household so no swears, only creative insults. those, and those only.

Pairing: Chan x Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: none, but creative insults???

Rating: PG

Genre: Fluff, Angst

──── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────

Everyone on campus always thought that you and Chan would make the cutest couple; the King and Queen of Clé University, but they also knew that you two weren’t on the best terms. The smug-faced rat in question was always right behind you, whether it be handing in assignments, test scores or even standing in queue. Whenever you turned around you felt those condescending eyes searing into your skin. “Ugh!” you exclaimed, ”JESUS CHRIST I WISH THAT COCKY LITTLE SWINE WOULD STOP IT. HE’S SO ANNOYING!”

Your best friend Jisung patted your shoulder and tried to reassure you, telling you that it was going to be okay and that it’ll all get better. “‘Sung, I swear there are a couple of screws that aren’t put in right in your head. What the hell are you on about I-“ Before you could finish your sentence, a hand cupped around your mouth from the back and muffled your cries. “WHAT THE- JISUNG, THIS ISN’T FUNNY!” you protested, peeling the hand off your face. As you turned around, you began to realise that the hand that cupped your face didn’t belong to Jisung, much to your dismay. It was the one person you really, really didn’t want to see at that moment. It was Chan, his trademark smirk plastered across his infuriatingly perfect face. You rolled your eyes in disgust and asked, “What?! What do you want now? Do you want me to fall at your feet and grovel? You want me to give you my notes?”

His smirk faltered a little, but returned to its original state as quickly as you had seen it waver. “Well, you see, I wanted to ask you something, but I can see that I’m not welcome right now (or at any other time actually) so...I’ll just...leave? Bye.” Sighing, you grabbed onto his hand with both of yours, pulling him back towards you and Jisung, who was still staring at you and Chan with his mouth open in disbelief. “Fine...FINE. Okay, fine I’ll hear you out. Just don’t pull another kidnapper move like that and you’ll be fine, okay?”

He took a deep breath and slipped his long, slender fingers out of yours, overworked and covered in plasters. “Um, so... basically...I uh... c-can we study together? I’m having t-trouble with this particular part of code and i’m not sure what’s wr-wrong with it. Can y-you help? Please?” The stuttering mess stood in front of you wasn’t the Chan you knew. The one you knew was the arrogant little son of a seahorse-faced cashew, fricking little- You sighed and stroked his hand. “Okay buddy, what’s up? Is this your idea of a joke? Why are you shaking; what happened? Talk to me.” This wasn’t usually you; you never cared about him, and you thought you never would, yet here you were, putting your arm around Chan’s shoulders, guiding him to the nearest bench. After sitting him down and ruffling his hair, you took your water bottle out of your bad and handed it to him. “Here, drink some water.” He grimaced and looked at you weird. “Really? A Bokémon waterbottle? We both know that Migimon is better, right?”

“Are you going to drink the water or not, huh?” you snapped, aware that he was right. Turning your head to face Jisung, you mouthed, “Go! I’ll find you later! GO!!” and shooed him away. “Um so...What did you need help with then?” you asked Chan, “Also did you write the code in Javascript or Python?” You looked back at Chan, not expecting his deep brown eyes, now filled with worry and warmth. He inched closer to you, returning your water bottle to your bag and sighed in relief. “T-thank you, y/n, and uh, I wrote the code in Python,” he mumbled, still occasionally stuttering and stumbling on his words. “Hm okay. Meet me at the library in an hour. I’m just going to drop my bags off at my place and I’ll be back, okay?” You were just getting up to leave when Chan grabbed your hand and pulled you back down, turning your head with one hand, while holding you down with the other. You knew he went to the gym regularly (unfortunately, you had encountered him enough times at the on-site gym to know), BUT BOY WAS HE STRONG. “Uhhhh...Chan?” you asked, unpleasantly surprised, “You need something?” With a puppy-like glint in his eye, he said, “Let me drop you off! Where do you live?” You were puzzled but...something felt wrong about turning him down, and as much as you wanted to refuse, your body somehow urged you to accept. “Fine, I guess...,” you trailed off, unaware of the events that were about to unfold.

————————————————————

As he drove up to the house, you slowly took off your seatbelt and slung your bag over your shoulder. “Give me 20...actually no, you can come in. You wanna come in?,” you asked, not too sure of what to expect. Chan nodded and grinned, a sight you were startled to see.

“Is he usually like this? Am I the one being mean? Oh my god. What if I’m the one being mean. Oh frick oh frick oh frick oh frick. Wait, hang on, AM I IMAGINING THINGS?! Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. C a l m. I am CALM. Wait but-“ you thought to yourself, trudging up the stairs to your apartment. You pulled a key out of your pocket and jammed it into the keyhole. “I- Wait, wait, I swear this was the right key. Hang on-“ This was not going well. Welp. Chan couldn’t hate you any more than he did already so... oh well. After jiggling the key around for a while, Chan offered to open door for you. With a strange mastery, Chan jammed the key into the hole and turned it while pushing it in. Click. “HANG ON A DAMN MINUTE- I’VE BEEN LIVING HERE FOR WHAT? OVER 8 MONTHS NOW? AND I CAN’T EVEN OPEN MY OWN DOOR??? BUT THIS GUY- FRICKING ALMOST 6 FOOT WORM- HE JUST MANAGED TO CLICK IT OPEN???” you wondered to yourself, trying to suppress a scream inside of you. He cracked a smile. “There, the door’s open now, just had to give it a little strength,” he proclaimed, “I’m happy to help any time.” With a humoured look on your face, you pushed Chan into the apartment and locked the door behind you. You threw yourself on the couch and sighed, you didn’t usually invite people in, especially not people you hated.

One of your roommates, Ryujin, walked in, drinking yet another bubble tea. You turned to face her and gave her a long, hard stare. “I swear you run on bubble tea and that’s not healthy, you know? I swear if you get diabetes from the amount of sugar you consume, I’m not coming to funeral because I warned you,” you sighed, massaging your temples. Ryujin stopped sipping on her tea and sauntered up to you, “Sir, whether I’m addicted to boba or not, I’m still the crazy (but cool) kid that you picked up in middle school. You’re never getting rid of me. Ever. And anyway, who’s this guy?” she asked, gesturing to Chan, “Your boyfriend? If so, damn girl, you have TASTE.” You and Chan blushed in unison and started muttering excuses. You stood up, still embarrassed, and stuttered put something along the lines of, “Y-yeah I’m going to go ch-change and I’ll be b-back, okay? Chan, you can sit down, ‘Jin, get him s-some water or juice or w-whatever.” You ran into your room, and quietly slammed the door behind you. “FKSJKDS SHIN RYUJIN YOU’VE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME I- GAHHHH I CAN’T EVEN DENY THAT HE’S PRETTY- GOD FRICKING DAMN IT!” you thought to yourself, throwing on the closest set of comfortable clothes you could find.

Opening your door ever so slightly, you made eye contact with Ryujin and hissed at her to come over. From across the living room, she shrugged and made her way to you in the least inconspicuous way possible; ‘accidentally’ knocking over a lamp, tripping over Chan and almost spilling her tea. “Ryujin why would you- BRUH THAT’S NOT COOL! YOU DON’T JUST ASK US IF WE’RE TOGETHER! HE’S CHAN. AS IN THE GUY I HATE. YES, THAT GUY!” you exclaimed with an air of exasperation. “U-uh huh. Keep going, you aren’t fooling anyone. This. This is peak whipped behaviour. Face it, y/n, you have a lil pash. oOoOohHh THINK OF THE BLACKMAIL MATERIAL; THERE’S TEA TO LAST ME MONTHS, LITERALLY!” Ryujin made kissy faces and walked back into the kitchen after announcing that she was the official third wheel and no one, not even Lord Changbin himself, could stop her. And the worst part was that you knew deep, down inside, that you really had taken a liking to that raw salmon. Well, it was more of a pash. A strong pash.

You waved your hand and choked. “pSh, ‘Jin’s got nothing on me, I don’t have a small crush on THAT guy; hell, I don’t even like him as an acquaintance...maybe-“ You were confused but nonetheless walked out of your room with fake confidence.

————————————————————

Sitting down next to Chan, you pulled out your laptop from your bag, a pretty new Macbook, plastered with stickers of Stray Kids, a new and upcoming group that hadn’t debuted yet. Chan had a slight bewildered-but-shocked-but-proud expression on his face that was quickly wiped off as you told him to show you his code so far.

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Both you and Chan had spent hours and hours finishing the project, and it seemed as if it would never end, but at long last came a sigh of drained relief from Chan. He threw his laptop onto the cherry wood coffee table. And leant back into the sofa, a soft murmur of fatigue muttered. You stood up and glanced at the clock by the door, rubbing your eyes to make sure you hadn’t read it wrong; it was one in the morning. That’s right, you and your not-so-much-enemy-anymore had spent all night working on some code. Some stupid code. “Chan? It’s uh...it’s one am. And I’m pretty sure the dorms won’t be open now, and even if they were, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t let you in, considering the grisly state you’re in, at the moment. I really would let you crash this one time, but uh, where would you sleep??? CHAN GET UPPPPPP!” you urged, a small part of begging him to stay. Brushing those thoughts away, you started stepping over Chan to get to your room, when he grabbed your hand pulled you back down. But not back to where you were sitting, oh no no no, he pulled you down to his lap. Wrapping his arm around you, he begged to stay the night. “We can stay like this forever, if you want to. Do you want you?” you joked. “Absolutely,” replied Chan, a slight beam coming across his face, “Good Night.”

──── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────

END.

A/N: hM yeah okay, i could’ve done better but y’know. i’m satisfied. thank you for reading!