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haemosexuality · 1 year ago

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insanely long analysis of the ep promise of she-ra <3

(first a bit of S1e10- the beacon)

[Adora is talking to the woods as she-ra.] Just let me fix this, please! I-I can’t let anyone else get hurt. [she transforms back into adora and sits down] Fine. You win. You want me to be weak? Well. I am. And I’m afraid. Because, I-I’m no good at any of this.

God doesn’t that hurt immediately off the bat. “just let me fix this, please” is a perfect summary of adoras entire character. She is so, so desperate to be useful- she needs to help other people, she needs to fix everything and save everyone. She cant let herself be a person, shes a vessel (HRUAHHRAGHHH season 5) to help others, shes a tool and a means to an end. Shes the hero. But shes bad at that, because no matter how much she represses herself, she feels and wants things so strongly all the time. She hopes and begs for direction and destiny but shes terrified of not having control. She will desperately try again and again to be the perfect hero-sacrifice that will heal the world and keep her friends safe but she doesn’t want that, not really, what she wants is to go to parties and hang out with her friends and catra, but she feels she doesn’t deserve that. She cant let herself have anything she wants. But she still does. Shes afraid and shes weak and shes too young for this. Her wanting things so strongly is what ruins everyones plans, shadow weaver’s and light hope’s and horde prime’s. its what saves everyone. This doesn’t have anything to do w the scene I was talking about anymore oops. “I’m no good at any of this” just confirms that, shes bad at being your standard self sacrificing selfless hero in the same way catra was bad at being an unfeeling purely evil villain. She just cant stop being a person

Ok now onto Promise: the ep starts immediately after that scene, with adora going inside the crystal castle looking for answers on how to heal glimmer, and catra following after her looking for tech that she can use (and also to spy on adora bc that might not have been her primary objective but shes not gonna pass up on that chance lol)

“You are not ready yet. You must let go.” “let go of what?” [camera pans to catra] will always be so. Ugh poetic cinema

How did anyone ever trust light hope lmao immediately from the first time she shows up shes all like “free yourself of all of your earthly attachments and join my hero training course”. Also, again, adora’s attachment to catra (and glimmer and bow) has always been the main thing saving her from falling head first into self sacrificial bullshit. She cant let go of her. She will never fully let go of her.

Catra: What's going on? Why are those things trying to kill us?

She-Ra: They're trying to kill you. This place sees you as an invader.

Catra: Well, can't you tell them to stop?

She-Ra: [incredulously, frustrated] No, I can't tell them to stop! Clearly nothing in here is listening to me!

Oh I just realized something. The crystal castle is a place that was made for adora and caters to her, and it sees catra as an invader. Much like how in the Horde, adora was favoritized and shadow weaver’s center of attention while catra was mistreated and discarded. Seen as an invasion, a corrupting force in Adora’s life. The one thing adora cant control in the crystal castle is how it reacts to catra, it activates security protocol no matter what she does, like how adora could never fully protect catra from shadow weaver and the others. Even throughout the episode and at the end, we see catra fighting tooth and nail to survive everything the castle throws at her while adora undermines her (“I had it.” “Sure you did.”), and by the end all her fighting pays off and she comes out victorious, like how she goes up in the horde until shes effectively its lord. The crystal castle (im just gonna call it CC) literally becomes the fright zone throught the simulation too I cant believe I didn’t get this before

Catra: Anyway, what are you doing here? [angrily, sarcastically] Where are your new best friends? I thought you guys did eVeRyThInG together.

The similarity between this and the flashback scene where we see a child catra say “go eat with your new best friend lonnie! I know you like her better than me. Youre supposed to me my friend” really shows how immature they still are I think. Not as a like, inherent character flaw or smth, they just weren’t raised in a place where emotional maturity is a thing you learn. They were never taught how to deal with their emotions in any way, other than “repress it really hard, hit someone and blow up a civilian”. Of course theyre emotionally stunted. This probably also contributes to both of them’s very black and white way of thinking. Also theyre still in the 17-18 range so like literally theyre teens. Just goes to show that them being separated for a while was necessary, bc they needed to break off their codependency to be able to grow as people and mature emotionally, that would never happen if they stayed together and just enabling each others toxic traits, instead of being able to have a healthy relationship like they do after the end.

Something I also never considered before is why the CC showed them the memories it did? Like. Was it light hope that chose those? I assume so since she not only has shown she can do that but also watched adora her entire life so she knows all her memories. Did she specifically pick out painful memories that she thought would tear them further apart? It seems obvious now but I just never thought ab this before. The first memory shown does go against that tho, its just baby adora and catra being cute. Maybe she wanted to show them how much their relationship had deteriorated?

↑ gay

Ooooouough this is when it starts to hurt pray for my emotional stability

Adora: ...Can I ask you something?

Catra: Can I stop you?

Adora: ...Why did you help me escape after Shadow Weaver captured us?

Catra: Not this again.

Adora: It's the one thing I can't figure out. You didn't have to do that. You could've gotten caught...why risk it? [Rock on the edge crumbles beneath her; yelps] Whoa, whoa, whoa--!

Catra: Did you really think I'd just let Shadow Weaver erase your memory like that?

Adora: I dunno. Probably.

[Adora grunts as Catra pulls her up]

Catra: Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me.

Adora: Can you blame me?

Catra: Not really.

This is so. Ugh. I love adora but especially in the first season shes so.. girl what are you doing!!!! How can she be so ignorant. Obviously I know how but. Augh so much of catra’s hurt stems from this… when I say that adora was fully, totally brainwashed by the horde, I don’t mean just that she believed their propaganda about the war, or whatever bullshit shadow weaver ingrained in her about her purpose. She also believed what they all said about catra. To a lesser extend, obviously, and she loved catra with all of herself- but she did still believe catra was a bit lazy, kinda disrespectful, uncaring, etc. and I cant even totally blame her, because catra actively tried to make herself seem all those things. Catra didn’t want to let anyone know how hard she tried, how much she hurt, so she played up the “aloof, lazy student/soldier who doesn’t care about anything” role as much as she could. But still, god, the way adora treated her must have hurt so much. “you never did have too much faith in me” absolutely breaks my heart. Catra cared about adora so much. She cared about adora more than anything in her life. Obviously she would do anything to prove herself once she can, look at how even the person who loved her the most thought about her. Im gonna talk more ab this later there are better scenes for that. But also I CANNOT BELIEVE ADORA IN THIS!!! GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!! WDYM CAN U BLAME ME YES I CAN (ignore the part where I said I couldn’t) DON’T JUST SAY THAT SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE. OH MY GOD ok. Being a catra, an adora, and a catradora stan means sometimes u really want to slap s1 adora in the face. For multiple reasons. and the fact catra agrees too…. Catra hates herself so much. She truly honestly believes shes a bad person and it breaks my heart. And unfortunately for everyone, catra has shown that she'll always play a role that shes assigned to the max. everyone believed that shes a villain, she believed that shes a villain, so by fucking god shes gonna be a villain.

putting the rest of this under a readmore bc its longggg

her tail touching adoras hand i am on the floor

Catra: It wasn't all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right? (dont trust the subtitles in the pics theyre wrong)

THIS scene destroys me. Catra’s so- she always knew the horde was evil, ok, she always knew their childhood was bad. But she endured it for adora. To catra, all the happy memories they made growing up were worth it- all for adora. It didn’t matter what they did. Only to see adora throw all these moments away the moment she realized the rest of it was bad? God, catra mustve felt like she was garbage to adora. Something that wasn’t even worth thinking about once she had the opportunity of something better. Shes very aloof here, as always, but she probably feels a bit desperate- was it worth it for you too? Did any of it matter to you? Where you just miserable the entire time?

Adora: Of course I do. But it doesn't change the fact that the Horde is evil. I had no choice. I couldn't go back.

This is adora’s biggest problem tho. She had no choice, she couldn’t go back. She never feels like she can choose anything based on what she actually wants. Shes always, always driven by this need to do good, the right thing. And this is where theyre most incompatible at first, because while catra only cares about adora and that’s her priority, adora has Morals and puts the greater good over her personal relationships, which to catra makes it seem like she doesn’t care about her. Her happy memories were absolutely worth it to adora, but theyre not more important than the good of the entire world. (I don’t think adora having a sense of morality and not wanting to side with a military empire is a bad thing, catra was the villain of the show for a reason and the reason is that obviously working for something that wants to take over the world is bad. Im just explaining how this is what drove them apart, how catras mind works, and to an extend why you can understand her side and emphatize with her even if she was in the wrong. That trait of adora’s does get bad when she starts acting like she needs to kill herself for that greater good tho.)

them taking a moment to play-fight in the middle of all of that makes me want to sobbbbb 😭😭😭

TINY LITTLE BABIESSSSSSSSSSS Young Catra: What was that? Way to gang up on me!

Young Lonnie: You were fighting dirty. I was just leveling the field.

[Catra shakes and growls in anger as Adora walks up and places a hand on Catra's shoulder]

Young Adora: Hey, you were awesome! Did I hurt you?

Young Catra: No, I'm fine. You're just lucky I let you win.

Young Adora: Riiiiiiiight.

Young Catra: I'm serious! [scoffs] If I came in first, people might expect me to actually start doing stuff around here. Trust me, second place suits me just fine.

Young Adora: Yeah, okay.

EVERYTHING I SAID BEFORE. you can see catra was obviously extremely upset that she didn’t win, but admitting that would be admitting defeat. She shrinks herself to fit into this “no im fine, im chill, im not even trying in fact. I don’t care” attitude, because that hurts less than admitting that shes trying so, so hard but no one believes in her and she keeps losing to adora (mostly bc the other cadets and staff favoritize adora over her, and discriminate against her, making it harder for her to succeed in anything). And adora believes her. “second place suits me just fine” was the mantra catra kept telling herself through her entire life to try and feel less hurt about living in adoras shadow.

though it wasn’t working, and her resentment towards adora kept growing more and more.

oh this scene could be ab so many things. Catra literally slipping through her fingers. A parallel to earlier, when catra held onto adora and helped her up, while here theyre torn apart by a force stronger than them. How adora tried but couldn’t save catra. Aughh

and here, we see how capable catra is. Shes both extremely strong (able to rip herself out of… whatever that is) and extremely smart, even under pressure (in seconds she figures out where she has damage this thing shes never seen before so it stops working)

only for adora to come in, “save the day” after she had already saved herself, and act all. “sure you did” about it. Again, making absolutely clear catra knows she doesn’t believe in her.

Adora: What is your problem? I was just trying to save you.

Catra: For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you.

That says everything on its own. Adora doesn’t understand why catra is hurt/angry, she doesn’t even understand how what she said undermines catra. And catra is extremely bitter that adora keeps acting like That. Also, something I haven’t touched on is that adora leaving the horde put catra in so much danger. She was the only thing providing catra with even the slightest bit of protection, which catra -hated- but absolutely depended on, since shadow weaver had made clear that catra was -only ever kept alive because of adora-. Adora defecting put catra in danger not only of the other cadets targeting her, but of death. Catra was left all alone to survive in those conditions, and she did, and now adora keeps acting like catra needs her to save her.

Adora: Catra, wait. ...I'm sorry for leaving. I couldn't go back to the Fright Zone, not after I saw what the Horde was really doing. something that must have stung too is the idea that adora saw innocent people suffering, and that led her to realize that the horde was bad. But she had seen catra being abused by the horde their whole life, and yet still thought the horde was good. What does that say about how adora saw catra? Did she think catra deserve it, wasn’t innocent enough for that violence to be unwarranted? Was her suffering not enough for adora to realize how fucked up that was? (again, we’re able to know that it wasn’t that, adora was just as abused as catra, watching someone be physically abused is also extremely traumatized and kids will learn to justify the abuse theyre experiencing to themselves or others and might not realize its wrong u cant expect a kid to know how to act in a situation like that she was in as much survival mode as catra was and her trying to keep herself in shadow weaver’s good side was just her desperately trying to keep herself safe etc etc this is from catras perspective) I never wanted to leave you. ...You could come with me! You-you-you could join the rebellion! I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this hurts so much. Adora might have internalized some of what the horde said ab catra and catra might have felt that 10 times as strong than it actually was but adora never actually believed catra was a bad person. Shes probably the only one (before scorpia and entrapta) that Didn’t think catra was destined to be a disgrace, to be bad. And its so sad bc even with all their flaws she loves catra so so much and she wants catra to come with her so much. Adora now has access to a life where she has the opportunity to be happy and she so desperately wants to give catra that same life. She knows catra deserves better and she can see that now more clearly than ever. But its too late, catra is too hurt and too angry to follow her and even if at this point adoras words might have some effect on her, its about to get so much worse. :(

Fuck this next part is going to hurt. Ok

Shadow Weaver: [screams angrily] Get out!

[Young Adora cries out in alarm as dark magic encloses the exit]

Shadow Weaver: Catra... [young Adora turns to see young Catra's form enveloped in a paralyzing, zapping magic] ...you stay.

[Young Catra grunts as she is forced to stand]

Shadow Weaver: What do you think you're doing in here?

[Shadow Weaver makes young Catra turn, feet squeaking on the floor as she does so without picking up her feet; Shadow Weaver clicks her mask back in place]

Catra: [fearfully] We were just playing.

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully] Insolent child. I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you. But I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well.

Adora: [pleading] Shadow Weaver, it wasn't her fault, it was my idea, too!

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully, still talking to Catra] You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. [slowly, enunciating] Do you understand?

Adora: [runs between them, throwing her arms out to protect young Catra; pleading] Please stop!

[The dark magic dissipates back into Shadow Weaver's cloak as she groans and moves back toward the Garnet; Young Adora and young Catra share a look before young Adora runs over to Shadow Weaver]

Adora: She didn't mean to!

Shadow Weaver: [placidly, attempting to soothe] Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. [Shadow Weaver finally lets young Catra out of the paralyzing magic and she grunts as she falls to the ground] Do not let something like this happen again. [she pats young Adora's head as young Catra looks on]

Transcripts and screenshots cannot properly convey the dread of this scene. In a flashback, catra and adora are caught by shadow weaver playing in a place they weren’t supposed to be in, and shadow weaver paralyzes catra with electric magic we know is extremely painful to be caught in, and threatens her life. Catra and adora look to be like, between 6-7 years old in this scene. Theres so much happening here. This lays the foundation to basically everything that happens in the show.

First off, shadow weaver singles out, physically hurts catra, and blames her for something that adora initiated. then, she makes it clear that she sees catra and someone that is bad, and she doesn’t expect anything else from her. And, she says catra is a bad influence in adora’s life, tainting whats perfect, and that tells her that every time after this that adora “acts out”, will be catra’s fault.

she tells catra that, if she ever feels like catra is “ruining” adora, she will get killed. From now on, adora’s friendship is literally what is keeping catra alive. This will, understandably, fuck their relationship up a little bit and also make catra incredibly dependent on adora. She will do anything to keep being adora’s friend and she will have to make sure that shadow weaver doesn’t feel like she is making adora behave out of line or that she isn’t becoming better than adora, isn’t taking her number 1 spot away from her.

she goes on to tell adora, who has been watching all of this, that its her job to make sure catra is kept in line. She’s seen what happens when she doesn’t. this will make adora feel incredibly responsible for catras well being, and like she has to constantly save catra and beg for catra to act right, otherwise catra will get hurt and itll be her fault. On the other hand, adora is a child who just saw someone get tortured, and subconsciously shes gonna make sure to always stay in shadow weavers good side, not only bc if she doesn’t then catra gets punished but because she does not want that to happen to her too.

catra, who was frozen and electrocuted and berated, saw adora get gently talked to, “reassured”, and receive physical affection.

that results in catra growing up both extremely attached and extremely bitter of adora, for “having it easy” and always acting like shes her savior, while she has to constantly walk on eggshells (on a minefield, honestly) so she doesn’t get physically abused. She starts resenting adora as anything she does gets blamed on her, and shes forced to live as her shadow, her bad influence, the devil to adora’s angel. And in adora having a major savior/messiah complex, she feels like shes responsible for saving everyone, and every time someone gets hurt its her fault. She will live the rest of her life trying fix and save everything, because if she can’t then what good is she?

understanding that this is where all of their motivations, flaws, traumas and personalities come from will help u understand the entire show better tbh. It all comes down to shadow weaver. [Young Adora and Catra are walking down a hall in the Fright Zone, just after this incident; they walk past a pillar and become Present Adora and Catra again]

Catra: You always need to play the hero, don't you?

Adora: I was only trying to protect you.

Catra: You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side.

[Scene transitions to Young Adora and Catra in the same place]

Young Catra: Admit it. You love being her favorite!

Young Adora: That's not true!

Young Catra: Oh, yeah? [glitches back to Present Catra (and Adora)] When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then?

Adora: You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore. You can leave--[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]--just like I did!

Young Catra: Oh, because I need to follow you everywhere you go?!

Young Adora: I didn't mean it that way.

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra]

Catra: I don't. Want. To leave. What don't you understand about that? I'm not afraid of Shadow Weaver anymore, and I'm a better Force Captain than you would've ever been.

[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]

Young Adora: You always said you didn't care about things like that...

Young Catra: [crying] Well, I was lying, obviously!

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra; Catra begins to walk away]

Adora: Catra, just wait!

Catra: Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the Fright Zone? I didn't want you to come back, Adora!

That scene lays out everything I said so perfectly I don’t even have anything to add.

This scene where catra is running through a simulation of all her most painful memories and desperately screams LET! ME! OUT OF HERE!! perfectly represents what spiraling like that feels like

[a younger Catra, maybe 5 or younger, is crying and hiding her face in a blanket on their bunk in the Fright Zone]

Young Adora: [peers from around a doorway] ...Catra?

[Young Catra continues to sob as Young Adora walks to her; Young Adora peels back the cover from Young Catra's face, and Young Catra hisses]

Young Adora: Catra, it's okay, it's just me. It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.

Young Catra and Present Catra: You promise?

Young Adora: I promise.

And then the promise. Everything catra went through, all the abuse and bullying, she put up with all of it because of this. She held onto their promise until the end. But the moment adora decided to leave the horde, she broke their promise.

as the memory-simulation ends, young catra gives a look to present catra. One that probably said, remember this. Remember how much you mean for each other. Don’t break your part of the promise. But this isn’t how catra takes it at all. all this tells catra, all that this entire day has told catra, is how terrible adora is. Adora ruined her life. Adora lied to her, said they’d be together forever only to abandon her. Adora forced her to be in her shadow. Adora is the reason shadow weaver never treated her right. She looks at her younger self and thinks, I'll avenge you. Im never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again. Im going to show all of them how strong I can be, ill rise to the top and ill be unstoppable. Im never letting anybody put me down ever again.

(and then is season 5, seeing a younger version of herself is also what makes her realize how wrong she was, how this isn’t the path she wants to take. Its what motivates her to get better, be better. Thinking about herself as a child kickstarted both her descent into being a villain and her redemption arc/recovery.) [Adora is holding onto dear life to some ropes or smth that are keeping her from falling off a cliff. Catra shows up]

Adora: [hopeful] Catra?

Catra: [holding the sword, rubs a finger along its side] Hey, Adora.

Adora: [pleading] Catra, help me, please...

Catra: [contemplatively unhurried] This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you. Then again, you're special. That's what Shadow Weaver always said.

Adora: Catra...what are you doing?

Catra: Ah, you know? It all makes sense now. You've always been the one holding me back. You wanted me to think I needed you. You wanted me to feel weak. Every hero needs a sidekick, right?

Adora: [desperately] Catra, no, that's not how it was...

Catra: [laughs humorlessly] The sad thing is, I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde, when really you leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so much stronger than anyone ever thought.

I wonder what I could've been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner...

[Catra cuts the last of the rope holding Adora up; Adora shrieks as she falls, catching a rock handhold on the way down]

Adora: I-I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best! Please don't do this!

[Catra looks at the sword, then tosses it into the chasm; it clangs on the way down, Adora gasps lightly]

Catra: Bye, Adora. I really am going to miss you.

And then she fucking lion kings adora. The fucking episode ever number 1 villain origin story of the century catra you will always be everything to me. Writing this took 6 hours im so tired. And then the episode ends with light hope once more telling adora she needs to let go AUGH so good. I need to go to sleep. if you read all of this i love u i hope u liked it <3 also u might like this post also

#writing this was exhausting omg #its 5:30am i begun writing this before midnight #sorry ab the quality of some of the pics i had to make sure this fit the 30 pics limit #also i am not a writer! i apologize for how messy this is!#theyre literally everything to me..#she ra #catra #adora #catradora

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grntaire · 1 year ago

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oversharing on the internet again lol

i kinda think i should break up w my partner and im super sad and confused abt it bc like. i love him very much and he is an incredibly kind person and is rly funny and attractive and all of these things and yet. i still feel like something is missing. like i never felt a magnetism to him or butterflies or anything like that? i would get excited when he'd text me and i would look forward to seeing him but i think i just need someone who matches my energy more? i'm definitely more outgoing than he is which is ironic bc i'm really not extroverted in the traditional sense. like i can talk to ppl plenty once i'm comfortable but it takes me a bit to get there. and truthfully being the more outgoing one in a relationship is not really a pressure i can handle. i'm also like, the only one who ever suggests we go out and do stuff. i genuinely can't remember the last time or if he's ever suggested we go out on a date, ever, and ik he doesn't mostly because of money which i get, and also bc he's very much the type of person who any quality time is good quality time and doesn't need to go out on dates to know that but it's really important to me and i've told him that and he's never done anything abt it. also when we do go out i usually end up paying for the both of us bc he's a full time student rn and i was working full time for a while and could kind of afford it but also like, no i couldn't lol. that's not to say he doesn't do anything for me ever, quite the opposite, really. like i don't drive bc Trauma so he has to drive an hour just to see me and he does it gladly, he's also given me so many rides to work before too. not to say we've been too transactional bc for the most part we've been okay about it but at the end of the day i think i just feel love on like, a bigger scale than he does, or i want a love that feels bigger than this. i am definitely more of a romantic than i let myself admit and idk i am so scared that i would be settling if i stayed with him.

but also generally i'm in an odd place w my life. i'm living at home again and i'm putting off my student teaching again so i can save up money and get my breast reduction and all that and i went through a whole career crisis bc graduating college in 2020 and starting grad school immediately that fall fucking sucked and i had wicked bad burn out that i'm still recovering from and i really struggled with whether or not with my love for music and if i still wanted to teach it. im finally in a place where i know its what i love and it's what i want to do, though, which is nice. i also need to restart therapy (doing so at the end of the month) and work thru my trauma so i can get my license bc oh man is it catching up to me and dealing w the guilt of ppl having to drive me places is slowly driving me nuts. so part of me is like idk maybe its not him maybe its everything else. or maybe its all of it. but it just feel like my life right now is so crowded and i just cant handle it all and my gut is saying i need space from him. but i'll miss him so much, too. fuck this fucking sucks lmao

#personal

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fossys · 1 year ago

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i wish i was anyone but me i want to be someone else i want to have money so i can do things i dont want to be a syste i dont want to be autistic i dont want to bbe disabled i just. i cant fucking do ANYTHIGN without money even if i was still me sure still disabled still a system still autisitc if i was RICH i could do so much,,,, even if i was limited by everything about me at least i could have my hobbies!!! i could spend money when i need without breaking down over being told indulging in my interests is a waste!!! i could afford to spend money to practice on hings i want to get better at them so i could be skilled i just i cant do anything unless its a guarentee i cant afford the risk of it failing because then its all a FUCKING WASTE he always tells me im wasting money whats the point of seeing that movie again yovue seen it its a waste of money why do you keep buying albums its a waste you can listen to the songs online why do you keep buying keychains you dont need more why do you buy toys you dont need them they just sit on your shelf why do you waste money on food we have stuff in the house why do you pay for that subscription you could jjust pirate it why do you do ANYTHING it all fucking COSTS MONEY i think he wants to be supportive ihe always tells me i need to save more that i need to be more responsible im a teenager why am i supposed to be saving for my future im not even gonna have a future . he thinks hes helping. i think he does. hes not i just. i impulse buy things ayways and its a WATSE and then he gets annoyed n now i canted buy anything without regretting it forever am i even worth the money why does he buy my foods when we have other ones why does he even give me money when im just wasting it why does he even listen when i tell him thing its not like doctors are ever gonna find whats wrong with me so why does he keep wasting money on appointments im just. i wish i wasnt me i really do maybe in another life im not such a fuking waste

#vent #please reply #personal

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himeakitsune · 3 months ago

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and heres me, not even slightly fucking suprised, so many people over in places like the states are amazed by the fact we have "free" healthcare here (even thought we pay for it in taxes, and still pay for prescriptions, and any form of surgey which isnt considered a life saving treatment by the health service) but in reality, its dog shit.

Trans people in this country who ive known in the past have many times all debated on simply moving to another country and paying exotrionate prices for decent gender affirming care because of how awful it is to try and get approved by the fucking cunts running that service.

Not to mention the fact we have to PROVE we're trans like we're being fucking interrogated to even just be ALLOWED to buy hormone treatments from the same cunts telling us that for any number of reasons we might "not really be trans" and all this without even a single therapist in sight by the way.

When i was putting myself on the fucking TWO YEAR waitlist to put myself through the war of proving i am indeed trans to a person who has no damn idea what it even is to be trans I was literally basically cut from the service because i still liked women and the cunts running healthcare in this country assumed that me being a transwoman who still liked girls DIDNT MAKE SENSE AND WASNT POSSIBLE!

I had to re-apply for the wait list, and it was like a year in, and NO ONE EVEN TOLD ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED they just said my referrals got "lost" and then when i finally get it i have to travel across the entire fucking country just to go to a 10 min appointment which is basically just proving to the people there which are paid to judge me that im "feminine" enough for them to consider me trans still.

The NHS will do EVERYTHING in its power to dissueade people in need from going through gender affirming care and then they have the fucking gall to cover up what awful results come from them doing it! So many poor souls left in the dark, feeling isolated and alone, told their not allowed to exsist, and everyone just nods and says it didnt happen basically, fuck, i wish i could do something, fix something, help out the poor brothers and sisters out there not as lucky as me to be allowed even the sub-par treatment im on, it actually kills me knowing this stuff, but we cant do anything about it, ever no matter how hard we seem to fight, the health service, and this country as a whole, doesnt even consider us worthy of the same human rights it gives evertone else.

This was published weeks ago, yet I haven't seen a single mainstream news source covering this massive scandal. Read the full article here: https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/trans-youth-suicides-covered-up-by

#lgbtq #trans #transgender #nhs #nhs england #fuck the nhs

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cripple-cat · 7 months ago

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screaming into the void about my personal issues for a moment

i know how to be independent

i am repeatedly prevented from being independent

i love my mom but her love for me is still tied to me being unable to live without her, which hasnt been true since i was nine. her boyfriend thinks i dont know anything about the world and cant think or do anything for myself because im disabled and his girlfriends kid. when i lived with my dad before he threw me away like fucking garbage, i was almost entirely supporting myself and my pets because he absolutely refused to support me. i paid that man rent. i am an adult man.

i am repeatedly prevented from being independent, and then villified for not being independent.

i am grateful that my mom is supporting me while i get my degree, but i never asked her to. she has always wanted me to get a college education and now i am, and it makes me dependent on her, therefore she loves me. shes not even paying my tuition or anything actually college related, she made me take on student loans, and i will be saddled with that debt for the rest of my life because she was unwilling to let me work for a couple years while letting her foot the bill for me for everything else so i could save up. i have a life-long debt that i will never pay off because of her need to make me dependent on her.

i didnt learn to drive from either of my parents. my dad is a shitbag, so i obviously didnt learn from him. my mom screamed and panicked and struck me in the chest because she was so afraid of me driving. i only drove with her three times before i just couldnt safely do it anymore. the only other time i drove with her was the first time i drove on the road. it was in a fucked up that couldnt accelerate past 45mph, could not hard brake, had no rear view mirror, and had a steering wheel that had to make two full turns before the tires would even think about turning. she was spasming and possibly having a stroke in the passenger seat. we were moving to a new place. it was traumatizing. i learned to drive through trial by fire with one person who doesnt know how to drive and isnt licensed and another person who was drunk 90% of the time. i didnt need my mom. she was the reason it took me so long to learn to drive and is still the reason im afraid to drive on the interstate.

she doesnt take care of my pets unless im not home for whatever reason, which is almost never, because she has made me dependent upon her for transport. i have to take care of her dogs a lot because she and her boyfriend keep forgetting to feed and water them at the right times. i clean up after them, i feed and water them, i take them outside. the only thing i dont do with them is play because i fucking hate dogs! i have to take care of dogs when i hate dogs!

her goddamn boyfriend keeps acting like im incapable of doing things until the moment he thinks something should already be done and im clearly the only one who can do it, even if im busy with something else. this is a man who did not know you have to use hot water to wash dishes, so clearly he just cant understand the concept of "im busy right now, ill either get to it tonight or tomorrow." he gets flustered and frustrated and starts yelling in the kitchen and slamming doors and doing things with excess aggression the moment i specifically inconvenience him. if its my mom it doesnt matter, but if its me he throws a tantrum. im the problem in all situations.

i have not been allowed to heal from any of my trauma because im held resoonsible for the feelings and trauma of others. when my mom has issues, i have to fix them and keeo her distracted and help her process and make her feel better. when her boyfriend has issues, im expected to suck it up and be gentle and understanding with him. when i have issues, im met with "weve all got problems, its not getting you out of this" or "youre not the only one with problems, im having a hard day, too" or even "no, youre gaslighting me." have you ever been gaslit by being accused of gaslighting? it is a bad fucking feeling.

im exhausted. im a disabled person, yes, in many ways, but i would not be dependent on anyone if i were allowed to be independent. i dont want to live like this. i cant fucking live like this. im so, so tired. this is the most coherent ive been in days.

sorry to anyone who reads this.

#vent post #long post

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thoughtcock · 8 months ago

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self manifestations for 2023/24 (progress)

[X] rent an better actual apartment, by myself or with someone else: I am currently here now :) sitting by myself in the comfort of my living room, while listening to lofi music on youtube as background. And boy, what an amazing feeling it is. it is merely just over 400 sq ft, a small size by most standards. yet its just enough for me and the bf who comes over.

I used to feel like I don't do well in the ordinary, life had to always be happening or I have to be on some unconventional route (i mean it kinda is but still) to be happy or whatever. But lately, I really do appreciate the peace and the ordinaryness. I now romanticise the chill/hiding away to my safe space. I love doing my silly little home decorating and just feeling present at this apartment. my safe space.

I gradually became a much more neater and organised person. seriously, i started making my own bed more regularly and you could point a gun at me and i would find it so pointless to do it. its just going tog et messy again so who cares? but now.... i see why people do it.

i thought me being messy was just a personality trait of mine and i hoped people around me will accept it. but i dont know... i guess there's this new-found form of respect i have for my space now, and keeping it tidy just makes it so much more pleasant for me. the only issue with that is i spend significantly more time tidying, and my boyfriend still hasnt caught up to speed yet.

But still... I finally get ikea catalogues and how they are always selling this idea of a beautiful home enriching your life. because its true. and i get why people buy picture frames and decorative tissue boxes and carpets and all. to make a space much cozier, which in turn makes u happier and more at peace. And I get why people buy extra practical things like a water filter, storage space for your appliances, a speaker, a standing desk. because why wouldnt you? it boosts your quality of life in different ways.

Yes, its not cheap to rent, but damn I would rather pay with money than with my mental health. for seven years i've lived with the bare minimum. mostly stuck to buying necessary stuff for my home, or barely buying anything at all for fear it will eat up the little space i was allocated to. and now to have the space(!!) and options to buy something just for the aesthetics is suddenly new to me again. for 8 years i've been living in cramped dorms/subdivided rooms/flat share. i am so grateful and i cant wait to make more and get an even bigger space maybe (i still wish for a bigger kitchen, and an actual designated to hang clothes without taking over the living room space).

In the meantime maybe i can start thinking about owning a home. though i still dont feel ready, need to save more haha

[ ] get my first tattoo: still in the works. all the artists i like are either based far away, or i am still undecided and frankly procrastinating. slighly worrying about the fallout with the mother. also there is a bit of inertia to just fuck it and out trust in an artist for a tattoo that im not sure of yet.

[ ] adopt a cat: unlike getting a tattoo, i dont think i can just bite the bullet and bring an animal to my life full-time. since having a family dog, i realised how important it is to consider how I really have to be responsible for a pet. And making space for said pet in your life. my family dog came to us in a "yolo" way of sorts, and while he is amazingggggg, i know if it were up to me i'll do so much more to give him a better life. and so, i would like to carefully consider everything before fostering one. and also because my new apartment is so great as it is, how can an animal live in it well without destroying the space i worked so hard for?

[X] adapt well in new job: giving this an X because so far i've performed better than how i did in my first year. but there's a lot of self-pressure and probably managerial pressure to step up and do even more, learn even more etc. tbh sometimes it feels like my brain is swimming from all these new things i've learnt or am expected to learn. i dont want to disappoint people, but i am also trying to give myself the space/patience to improve and be better. after all im paid much better to live in this nice apartment.

[X] buy fancy decorative stuff for said new apartment (eg. plates, candles, artsy fartsy stuff)

[ ] be reading more: definitely falling back on reading... sometimes its hard to get the attention span to do so. i've been told i should get back on self-help books. so far i've read more autobiographies. there are some books i own that take me back to chaotic times (Eg. 2019) and i'm sure if i even want to touch them for fear of bringing up not so great memories and how this city is quietly turning to shits. well at least i have my nice place as it turns to shit... privilege much?

[ ] continue to choose myself: i feel like its a half-half on this...

[X] be okay with change: something i read recently is how because nothing last forever, its best to appreciate things are they are now before they are gone. the glass is already broken. impermanence makes things more beautiful.

[ ] have more reflective alone times: unfortunately not doing as much of that, but i hope that will change!!!! sometimes i live life on autopilot mode, and i could feel myself living in that mode for months since i've stopped going to therapy. autopilot mode isnt bad, but yeah i know i dont truly reflect on my feelings much if that is so. and i find my thoughts so muddled and messy at times. its like what the fuck do i want sometimes, why am i overthinking this and that, am i doing enough of this and that bla bla,,, but i dont know WHY im thinking like that. sometimes writing this in word vomit mode helps to rationalise and write out all the things in my head which is great... although i feel like a terrible writer because everything is so messy and word vomity

[X] solo travel (either a beach getaway or city gal holiday, or both): my first solo trip coming up soon! a beach getaway is something i always want to do. im not going to plan much or keep everything to a schedule, just see where this trip takes me. im hoping to just chill and be rejuvenated, and yes try to be more reflective

[ X] turn off my brain when work is over: a WIP but i would say i've gone heaps and bounds since leaving my last job. work stops at 6 and i try not to open my emails/messages, but i guess with more responsibilities sometimes i cant help it. but i can safely say i do have more time for other things without feeling like some manager will find me to settle a story or whatever. it feels nice to have no one bug u after work hours!!

[X] maintain close relationships with the people who matter: not sure whether to tick this since i've become a lot more introverted this year. i no longer do big parties or try to organise one anymore. in that sense i do feel more distant from people now, sometimes i dont even know who matters and who doesnt. but this time, i feel perfectly okay with it. i think its the new house effect, i just want to stay home all the time. maybe the person who matters most in my life is me, after all.

[X] restart seriously saving and investing again: getting paid more helps. though i do need to re-evaluate my investing choices. i jsut need to be careful about lifestyle inflation and balance things properly. i started budgeting again this months so hopefully i can stick to it.

[X] stay away from people with bad energy: its actually easier to do that when u have a significant other and u are okay to be alone. no longer interested in clubs or gettign fucked up, or getting on dating apps anymore.

-[X?] feel valued in a workplace/relationship: yes for work, thanks to great managers and great benefits. relationship, i would like to think my friends value me, and as for my boyfriend? i guess he does in his own ways, though i would like to feel more of it.

New goals:

learn diving

solo travel/travel to more unconventional places

romanticising life more

take a chill hobby like coloring

exercise at least 1x a week

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capmerthur · 3 months ago

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@destinyandcoins #ok ok ok so these are all devastating. for a variety of reasons #special shout out to my boy ''i swear i will protect you or die at your side'' #not ONLY because it's my otp tag for them (from before the finale actually aired 🙃) #but also!! he didn't!! he swore he would protect him OR die at his side! and he did neither!!! #hahah isn't that funny. isn't that grand #isn't that g r e a t #but also. oh my god. i'm sorry but i have to go with ''i know arthur better than i know myself'' #because. it's TRUE #EVERYTHING about merlin is about arthur. everything he does is for him #to the point that merlin is tying himself into knots to keep arthur happy and safe as a priority above even bringing magic back to camelot #he doesn't know who he is or what his purpose is without arthur #he hasn't had a chance to know himself fully #but he can filter things through the lens of what arthur would do or expect or need or want #because That's Who He Is #and THAT is the wildest thing he's ever said. #not the heartfelt declarations of what arthur means to him or what he'd do for him. not even when those come so early in their friendship #but the fact that he says he knows arthur better than he knows himself. and he MEANS IT #goddddddd #(also. i want you to imagine for a moment the agony i felt typing that tag for the 1st time after the finale aired. ok. just imagine my pai #do you know what that did to me? to have picked that quote as meaningful enough to represent their relationship. #and then sit through that finale. and grieve. and process. and then go to type that tag again and realize merlin broke that promise #ok. thank you. i just needed someone else to know what i went through in that moment. to understand the agony i'm in every time i use it) @agapantoblu #Okay but it's ''I know Arthur better than I know myself'' #Like all the others are cold facts honestly but this one? What do you mean babe! #You've been staring so obsessively you could paint every detail to the smallest of wrinkles blindfolded #And in the process of looking at him you lost sight of yourself as anything other than a tool of prophecy #Also unbelievably ironic because Merlin knows Arthur better than himself and Arthur also does know himself better than he knows Merlin #On account of the fact that he knows so very little about Merlin and most of it are lies #Delicious. 100% most insane thing to say #And it's not even in context of a deep confession to Arthur or anything! My man really dropped this line in a casual conversation! Absurd @followtheechoes #honestly its probably 'i know arthur better than i know myself' #because merlin knows himself very well when he first arrives #maybe he doesnt know his limits yet but he knows he hasnt tested them and he knows he's eager to try #and he knows what hes willing to stand up and stop #he doesnt know himself anymore!! but he knows arthur!!! @retro-wallflower #i almost chose i was born to serve u coz come on saying u live for them wow #but had to go with his life is worth a hundred of mine 😭😭 #merlin and his crippling lack of self worth will be the death of me @adhd-merlin WAIT A SECOND WHERE IS "I HAVE MAGIC. AND I USE IT FOR YOU ARTHUR. ONLY FOR YOU" CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE #merlin telling lancelot magic isn't part of him. he IS magic. #do you get it!!!!!!! #oh i almost missed this!! thank you ellie <3 #torn between n.6 and n.7 #but i went with 6 because i remember thinking “wild thing to say” as i watched #i mean not that “I was born to serve you” is any less wild but you know. the prophecy and stuff #there is some plausible deniability in there #also “i'm sorry I had to leave you. I didn't want to. I hope one day you'll understand why” (ep 5x12) #hit me hard like #he's pressed for time. literally in a life or death situation. needs to convey an urgent message to save arthur's life #first thing out of his mouth: “I'm sorry I had to leave you I didn't want to” #baby 🥺!!!!! #for all he knew that was the last time he got the chance to speak to arthur #and he needed him to know he didn't want to leave him

#bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #merlin bbc #arthur #concept #they make me clinically insane

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literaphobe · 2 years ago

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I know we talked about it but. Fucking. Glaciator

ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THIS OOPS SORRY IM LATE i just finished my s3 rewatch (i now think its rather slay. i like dragonbug and um well snake noir could have a better design but i love it when they combine miraculouses and its just two of them against the world <3) anyway rewatching glaciator now! (this got long. putting it under a cut for those who care <3)

thoughts before rewatch: i love the ice cream episodes. andre sucks but his villain episodes are so good and for what. i cant wait to see the rooftop scenes again

i love scenes that have nothing to do w the regular episode formula. ladynoir randomly saving some bus from crashing is so cute. but also wtf is up w this city. like OKAY so these 14/15 year olds have superpowers and u dont so they have to fight supervillains. whatever. but they gotta help you uphold the integrity of your public transport system too?? get a grip paris

i find it so funny whenever adrien does an unexpected pussy slay transformation sequence and plagg is like woAoOAoaoOAHH i would love to see tikki act this way. also obsessed w how kwamis r like ur secret best friend who judge ur every move and laugh at ur L love life

how the fuck does andre just KNOW marinettes in love w someone w green eyes. and hes fucked up for exposing her :/ i agree w her freaking out man i wouldn't want my classmates knowing i like someone like. im mysterious ok.

also he doesn't charge for his ice cream right?? like ive never seen anyone paying this dude. what a baby... like ok big deal some teen girl doesn't want to eat. no need to cry over it loser...

tikki and marinette r like. neurotypical therapist talks to adhd girl. shes rsding rn tikki she thinks all her friends will hate her for ruining everything n that she'll never be happy. i also believe theres a universe where ladybug would've went to meet chat noir if she had time to. but she got upset so she forgot. again, she has adhd

also marinette realizing chat is in love w ladybug for real is so funny. like what did u think he wanted. what did u think he was. she straight up thought he was just balling or like some kind of player who flirts w anything that moves. i find it incredibly relatable that she had no fucking clue <3

'im... so sorry' 'why? its not your fault' i also always apologize even when its not my fault. anyway this scene is awesome. its her fault but its also not her fault. i love drama

'whats that? another supervillain in love with you?' i want this to be like a pattern. like imagine if there were multiple akumatized villains in love w marinette. obsessed w her unbeatable rizz

the sensitive side of chat noir... like it or not. this is when she started slowly falling for him

i love it when one of them is mad at one of the other's alter egos but totally chill w the other. like oh hi marinette :) -> fuck you ladybug >:(

ladynoir arguing... maybe its the broken family divorced kid in me but i love it when they do that

this episode gains points for ladybug's idea being kinda weird girl strange. it gains more for chat's cataclysm being part of the plan and not just to like break the akuma <3

obsessed w rejection scenes that r like. very romantically charged. this is how i feel about the little women 2019 jo/laurie scene. like they had more chemistry in a rejection scene than literally every amy/laurie scene. im right. im also right that the moon looming behind ladynoir as she sadly turned him down only to blush when he kissed her cheek goodbye was romantic. she FELT something. so awesome. obsessed w push pull dynamics. obsessed w repression and denial

one of my fave things about this episode is that chat wasn't mad when she rejected him, only upset when she didn't turn up at first. he wasn't mad that he 'failed' to get her or that she loved someone else. he just wanted to get a chance to tell her how he felt and be with her. he was happy even to be her friend. to be important to her... he was happy just to have spent time with her :(

For The Ending,,,,,,, personally i think it would have been a tad bit more interesting to get some adrienette interaction? like i like the idea of them just barely missing each other and having ice cream on opposite sides of the bridge to an extent, but it would have been interesting if adrien walked up right as andre was scooping marinettes ice cream and theyre like oh hi haha and marinette sees adrien get his very obviously ladybug themed cone and be like ??? about it and have one of them or maybe even andre suggest they get a cone together someday......

overall! ive decided 8.7/10. def a good episode with a lot of important moments, but there's def other episodes and stuff that outshine it. B+!

#ask #mlbposting #miraculous ladybug #suggest another episode for another insane review like this one!#feel free to discuss this review w me...

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readandwritesilver · 3 years ago

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im not remotely at a point yet where i can articulate anything remotely coherent but like. guillermo putting on nandor's seatbelt for him. and you dont even register it when he does it its just like oh well nandor's brainwashed yknow of course hes not going to put his own seatbelt on but guillermo is going to do it because theyre running for their lives and beyond that guillermo knows he needs to get nandor the fuck OUT of there but he still takes that spare ten or so seconds to buckle him in even though nandor is fucking immortal and i didnt really think about this before i started typing but nandor is immortal he would have been ultimately fine if something had happened and anyway guillermo is driving pretty carefully plus its four am in some random industrial area GUILLERMO HE DOES NOT NEED THE SEATBELT and yet he still does it because hes his body guard hes his heart guard nandor is in crisis and im already saving his life by doing something very dangerous to have done alone but guillermo just. he loves him its the and i you its the cover your face but not only is it the cover your face its nandor covering his face because hes brainwashed but he still trusts guillermo at his core and jan broke pretty much everything else but she didnt break that and so he covers his face and he lets guillermo take his hand and he doesnt stop him from hurting the cult at any point even though he probably could or could at least try but he doesnt because he trusts guillermo and then they get to the car and while guillermo is chewing him out he buckles him in. and its the seatbelt that guillermo went out and got lined with silver however long ago and it's nandor burning himself on the band than guillermo clicked into place to keep him safe in a way that he didnt even technically need because guillermo wasnt thinking what is the absolute most practical way we can get out of here he was thinking how do i keep nandor safe because thats what he was thinking the whole fucking time and they fight and nandor strains against the holds of guillermo's love and they burn him and guillermo knows that those burns mean that hes safe but he still cant look at nandor as he explains when he got silver installed and its when nandor explains to him calmly that he is going to leave and he is never going to come back and guillermo doesnt argue because he knows that the second he touches the belt its going to burn him but also his voice has sounded like it's going to break from the moment on the porch that he realized nandor is leaving and the seatbelt is i'm sorry and the seatbelt is it's for your own good and the seatbelt is i love you, i love you, i love you. let me keep you safe. hate me if you're going to, but let me keep you safe. FX pay for my therapy.

#this is a mess lol. writing a fic rn but these are just my baseline feelings #ill prob add to it tommorow after i rewatch the ep with my sister (and pretend ive never seen it before oops) because i think thatll hel #me get my thoughts in order #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits tv #wwdits s3 #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #nandermo #ben talks #meta #hall of fame

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kim-hao-han · 2 years ago

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A Leap Of Faith // Five Hargreeves X Reader (Pt.3)

Some info: Just an inspo from Demon Slayer (totally irrelevant), “Below the Surface” FNAF(also irrelevant) and of course “The Umbrella Academy” show and comics. Reader and Five are 20 for the sake of being mature content (no smut but violence, alcohol and such). I kinda follow the real plot but also not???? There may be multiple endings so be warned. I’m not new to fanfiction but its been a few years so excuse any mistake or not well written parts. Also, English is not my first language so bear with me for any grammar mistakes. Please enjoy the story!! <3

Words: 1.7k

TRIGGERS: Below story has some harsh language and plot. Read on your own account

/Part 1/

/Part 2/

5 days until the end

2 days had already passed by so quickly. They had wasted 2 days looking for the owner of that fake eyeball and saving Delores. Y/n was a bit annoyed by it. Annoyed yes, totally not jealous like Klaus said. Why would she be jealous? Because Five was so caring to that doll? The way his eyes sparkled when he looked at her? How he held her? How he spoke to her and about her? There was no way Y/N was jealous. What annoyed her was Fives behavior. Since they got back to their younger bodies he totally ignored her.

“Five you need to eat-“ “I can’t right now. I’m working cant you see?”

“Five, Vanya behaves weird maybe we shou-“ “Not now Y/n…Delores and I are trying to save the world. Not play around with Vanya”

“Five…hey em…Cha-Cha and Hazel killed Diego’s cop friend. We sh-“ “FOR GOD’S SAKE Y/N. Leave me alone! I don’t need you anymore okay? You did your part. Now screw off”

That hit her hard. She knew him. Working 20 plus years with him she knew he was short tempered and a workaholic but this was pushing it. “Fine, if you don’t need me, I’ll handle it on my own.” She only said that but for him it meant nothing. He didn’t even spare her a glance or a thought. He didn’t really believe her. He believed she would be back rubbing his back and offering him a cup of coffee. The next morning came and he didn’t see her or hear anything from her but he didn’t pay too much mind into it. “I guess she’ll finally let me work in peace.”

Meanwhile y/n was looking around with Diego and following the two assassins. Driving an ice cream track was never a good idea but Klaus, who tagged along for some drug money, didn’t really get his hands on anything else. What they didn’t expect is to pass by Five and Luther and the Commissions assassins. Y/N stopped the car and immediately ran to their side. “Y/n where have you been?” Five asked her and grabbed her wrist. She just pulled away not even sparing a glance at him.

An eye for an eye.

Five sighed and looked at Cha-cha as she shot towards Luther but before he could move or do anything everything stopped. He knew what this was or….who it was. He immediately turned to y/n whose face became like a ghost’s. He pulled her behind him when the Handler walked to them. “I’m pretty impressed by your little trick. This body switching really threw the commission off your tracks. You two certainly make great assassins.” She said and clapped her hands. “Too bad it has to end” Five said and took out his gun pointing it straight to her head. “Oh fivey, you never learn. I’m not here to fight you. I’m here to make a deal with you.” She looked at y/n and smirked.” Both of you….I offer you a chance. Work for us again. Not assassins but as management. Great pension, good money and a life of peacefulness and no more killing.” Five squinted his eyes looking at her. “What’s in it for you? Why are you willing to strike a deal with us?” he asked and held y/n close. Her breathing was uneven as she looked at the Handler. Yes, she was like her mother figure but that didn’t erase what she put her through. “My two exceptionally good assassins are out of work. Of course, that makes me worry.” She said and lit up her smoke. “So? Do we have a deal?” she asked and looked at the two of them.

Right at that moment Five turned and looked at y/n. He gave her a small smile. “You have to promise me to things. You’ll do everything you can so that my family survives the apocalypse…and y/n will stay here with them-“ “Five no!” y/n automatically said but the Handler bit her to it “Deal!” she said and shook fives hand immediately disappearing. Time starting moving again and y/n fell to her knees. “You little fucker….” She said and clenched her fist. “I’ll show you what I can do” She said and stood up. She looked around at Cha-Cha and Hazel. “Your fucking suitcase is in your motel room. Go get it. Boys lets go” She looked at Five’s brothers and nodded her head. She helped Diego up since he had hurt his arm and walked to the car.

3 days before the end

A couple days had passed since Five left them in the soon to be destroyed world in order to work for the commission. Y/N as confused. They had gone through so much together and in only a few days he had declared she was useless to him now and he had left her off to die in the apocalypse. The siblings were downstairs trying to find a way to save the world. Luther obsessed with his father and his moon research. Allison debating whether to leave Luther lone or go see her daughter before the end. Klaus close to a relapse and Diego dedicated to lead and try to save the world. A whole mess she didn’t want anything to do with. Y/N left them talk and headed to five’s room. Maybe there she would be able to find an answer. Any answer would do. She didn’t doubt his brain. She knew she wasn’t smart or a great leader or anything worth fighting for but she had to at least try and not disappoint him again. Searching through his walls her brain started to became lost. She was close to giving up. She was debating doing so. “In the end…I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help five” she thought to herself and sat down at the bed. It was dark in the room as five never liked the daylight. She brought her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. Before she could realize, she drifted to an old place she didn’t want to remember.

“Come on y/n. Don’t disappoint me or you will end up in the chamber again.” The Handler said at the microphone as she looked at y/n through the glass. This was a typical daily training for y/n. Herself locked in a room with a small rabbit. “B-But mother I don’t like killing.” She said as she cried and rubbed her eyes. Her 6 year old self couldn’t handle killing a sweet looking bunny. “I wont repeat myself y/n. Get inside that bunny’s head and kill it!” She said and y/n let out a whimper. She felt herself doze off. Next thing she saw was the poor bunny smashed against the wall. She fell to her knees crying when the Handler walked inside and rubbed her back. “Good job my daughter. I know its hard but you will get better at it.” She said as she looked at the little girl. “M-Mom my heart hurts…I’m in pain” y/n managed to say between her sobs. The handler just smiled. “It’s from the shock my dear. It’ll get better.” One small detail? It didn’t…

As Y/N was growing up so did the animals. The rabbit became a cat, the cat a dog and so on. Until Y/N was 16, that’s when The Handler presented the first human victim to her. Y/N was exhausted. Black circles under her eyes, bony like structure, nightmares every night. “Miss I can’t.” She had stopped calling her mom a long time ago. She had figured that a mother figure or someone who loved you wouldn’t never do this to you. “Y/N! We talked about this. You are ready. Now I don’t think you like the chamber that much do you?” The handler said through the microphone once again. “The chamber….” y/n whispered and swallowed hard. The dark small chamber which scared her for life. She took a deep breath too calm her trembling body. The cries and begs of the man opposite of her annoying her to the point she couldn’t focus. “He needs to shut up” she whispered and closed her eyes dozing off. Her mind wandered away. To a place where her and her sister Lila were innocent. A place where they fell in love, played, danced and had fun. A smile came to her face despite what was actually happening in the room. The man’s face got the exact same smile as her only for him to be crying and begging to be spared. Slowly his hands reached for the knife next to him and he forcefully opened his mouth cutting off his tongue. Y/N’s face turned into a painful one as The Handler looked at the result satisfied. Next thing she knew the man broke his neck falling down before y/n snapped out of it. She put her hand on her chest in pain breathing heavily. “We need to work on your control my little y/n. You need to be aware of what you do to them. I know every death is like a suicide to you but you have to snap out of it and realize you are not the one dying” The Handler said as she unlocked the door. “You are free to rest. Gloria will bring you some food later.” Y/N weakly stood up looking anywhere but the man in front of her.

This had become her new everyday routine. Humans was the main goal of the Handler and she managed to create or should we say cultivate y/n into a controlled killer. The Handler thought she was successful on creating a legacy, two strong killers…until they found five. That’s when she saw y/n slowly drifting away and falling. A leap of faith that no one in the commission should do.

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raggaraddy · 4 years ago

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Sugar Daddy turned sour

Request: Hi!!!! read all of ur works its all amazing cant believe ur new.. can i request for a yan sugar daddy taehyung x reader x yan sugar daddy jungkook. they found out that that y/n have 2 sugar daddies and they lost their sanity(as if they even have that)...Thank u and YOU GOOD,KEEP GOING💜💞💞💞💞😘😁

A/N: I don't know how to post a reply to a personal message yet because I am new and Tumblr deficient 😅 But I hope you like the scenario ^-^ thanks for the request 💜

Here for Part 2

Summary: Juggling two guys and getting everything you want from them has always been easy for you, and Taehyung and Jungkook are no exception. Or so you thought.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of non-con, assault, cheating, violence.

Yandere! Taehyung

Yandere! Jungkook

Sunday. Taehyungs day.

You open your webcam, checking your eyeliner quickly in the startup view as you wait for the Tae to pick up on the other side. He pops up quickly a beaming smile filling his face.

“Y/n! Baby, I’ve missed you.” He’s radiant. As happy and as bubbly he always is.

You go along listening to him excitedly run through his past few days, telling you everything in excruciating detail as he jumps from one half-finished thought to another. He may be an adult but he certainly has a young soul. The whole while you feign attention, your fingers continually fidgeting with the diamond necklace or the matching bracelet he had sent you a few weeks back.

“How was your weekend?” He finally gets around to asking.

“Not so good. I always have to work so much," You complain, batting your eyes at the camera.

“You could always quit and come live with me.” He jokes-but not really. It’s a topic he has raised 3 times already. And you have the same answer ready as always.

“Daddy, you know I’m a strong and independent woman. I could never let someone else pay for me.” You pout, running your tongue over your lower lip while pushing your chest up a little to draw attention. “It’s just my rent is so expensive. I feel like I work just to pay the bills.”

In truth, your rent is already being covered by someone else. But he doesn’t need to know that.

While you continue to run through the fabricated details of your weekend, Taehyung is distracted, looking down at his phone. You know what's happening. It’s like a game. And you’re winning. Your banking app sends a notification, letting you know that K. Taehyung has just sent you a payment.

You open it up. Yep. That's rent for the month. Or more, money for that new TV you wanted.

“Oh! Daddy, noo.” You whine down the camera. “You can’t. I am okay. Really. Please don’t spend your money on me.” You frown if only to stop the smile that is fighting to fill your face.

“I want to baby. I have the money, and I just want you to be happy. Don’t stress about bills okay. I’m here.”

Sometimes, it’s almost too easy.

“Okay Daddy, if you insist.”

Tuesday. Jungkooks day.

With Jungkook it’s a much more straightforward transaction. He has said he wants to pay for you and he hates the back and forth pretences. He just wants you to say thank you, smile pretty, and give him all your attention.

“Do you need anything more for the week?” He asks through the camera.

“No Daddy, you take such good care of me. Thank you.” You smile.

“You still have the weekend of the 14th off?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively. Off-screen you quickly scan through your calendar.

14th, 15th and 16th: Jk weekend.

Hmm, that came up quicker than you expected. You try to keep your booty calls with them as far apart as possible.

“Of course, I’m so excited! I haven’t seen you in weeks.” You say, it been less than 100% truthful.

“Months.” He corrects with a surreptitious undertone.

“Where are we staying this time?”

You always insist to stay in hotels. Because ‘your apartment feels too busy and mundane, and you want the time you spend with him to be magical and undistracted’. Honestly, you just don’t want him, either of them, in your personal space. You purposefully chose boys who live a few hours away. It’s hard enough to keep them separated in your everyday life with them being far away. It could only get messy for them to know where you live and how to reach you in person.

You’ve certainly gotten smart at this. Arranging the two men into different days of the week, scheduling them into your calendar to keep them apart and unaware of the other. Both had specifically said very early on that they do not want to share you with anyone else. And that you were all theirs. And while both of them seemed to trust you, you knew their reactions would be unpleasant, to say the least, if they found out about the other.

Sugar Daddies can be so possessive.

But while both these men are very handsome, money is better and more reliable than boys. And if they are stupid enough to spend it all on you, why should you care.

The week passes quickly and it’s the 14th. Once more you find yourself in the lobby of a 5-star hotel. Jungkook arrived in town early and sent you a message with the room number.

Time to actually work for your money.

You knock on the door only to find it slightly open. Entering there is a trail of rose petals lining the floor leading into the suite. All the lights are dimmed with a warmth of candlelight filling the room. This is so typically Jungkook. Pulling out all the stops to try to impress.

Dropping your bag at the entrance, you close the door behind you and explore inwards.

“Daddy?” You call out in a singsong voice. Your heels clack on the tiled floor as you round the corner into the living room. Jungkook is sitting on the lounge, one leg crossed over the other, arms rested up over the back. You smile at seeing him. You always seem to forget just how stunning he is in person.

“Which one of us are you referring to?” A deep voice startles you from behind. You jolt, spinning to see Taehyung standing behind you leaning against the wall.

Holy fuck.

Your mind starts to jumble through what is happening. Thinking about what it was that might have given you away. Evaluating how much they may know. And planning your next move.

Damn it. You doubt you’ll be able to smooth talk your way out of this with Jungkook. He’s too direct and absolute. So you’ll just have to accept that that relationship is over. However, you might be able to salvage this situation with Taehyung if you play your cards right. Being defensive should do the trick.

“What is this?” You snap, keeping focused on Taehyung. “This is such a violation of my privacy! You keep smothering me Taehyung! See this is why I tried to find someone else to hang out with.” You stomp your foot. He would always wrap around your finger so quickly with the little girl act.

“Ha!” He blurts out a short laugh in contradiction to how you expected him to react. “Wow. No, go on. I want to see where this is going.”

“Do you think we only just found out about each other?” Jungkook pipes up, coming from the couch.

You sigh. You had almost saved enough for a holiday to the Maldives too. But they seem to know too much. Fine. You can burn both relationships. They were starting to get too clingy anyway. “Whatever.” You roll your eyes. You got all you could from them. Time to move on to the next.

As you shrug them off, Taehyung steps into the path of the front door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Both he and Jungkook start to close in tighter. There is a cold tone to his words. Something far too close to a threat for your comfort. Even in heels, both men naturally stand taller than you which usually wouldn’t bother you. But with an unsteadiness to your footing and a very short dress on, in a dark room with two men you have used and spurned, you are feeling even more vulnerable than you feel you should.

“Move.” You order.

A smirk on his lips, Taehyung lifts his hand up and backhands you, knocking you back a few stumbled steps. You gasp, your hand clinging to your cheek, eyes wide in shock. He starts forward, Jungkook intervening, standing between the two of you.

You can not believe he just hit you! He has never done anything like that before.

“No, don’t do that.” He stops Taehyung as he starts to swing again. Shaking all over, you’re relieved that one of them is seeing sense. You take the outstretched hand of Jungkook, lip trembling from the burn on your cheek. He draws you closer and you wrap into him for protection. In the same motion, his free hand swings down punching you in the stomach, doubling you over, dropping you to the floor. “If you hit her head, she might get spaced out. I want her to feel this.”

His words send a chill down your spine. This can not be happening.

“Are you crazy!” You gape, trying to speak while gulping down air. Your head is dizzy, your lungs burning. Kicking off your heels for better movement, you climb back up to your feet not wanting to engage either man. Eyes focused you look past Taehyung to the door, storming forward. “I’m leaving. We’ll forget all of this, okay.” You bargain through short, panicked breath.

Taehyungs large hand slams you into the wall, pressing his palm against your shoulder. He follows Jungkooks lead, pounding his fist into your gut. And then again. And again. His hold removes letting you free and you plummet to the ground, crying within broken huffs while cradling your battered torso.

“You’re right. That is better.” He laughs at Jungkook.

“Stop!” You beg, unable to raise your voice above a soft yelp.

“What's wrong baby? You wanted two men. Now you have them.” Taehyungs bright smile returns to his face. This time with an entirely different meaning than it had ever had until it shifts into a straight, harsh look that you have never seen from him. “Didn't you always say you wished there was some way you could repay me?”

“You said that to me too.” Jungkook joins his side, both hovering above you, trapping you between them, the wall, and the floor.

Leaning down Jungkooks hand follows you as you squirm away from him. His fingers wrapped around your throat and lift you up, keeping you against the wall. He takes advantage of you being stuck, leaning into you pressing his lips to yours as you resist as much as you can.

“Baby, you’re going to pay us back for every dollar we spent on you.” He snarls.

Taehyung turns your face to him, also forcing a kiss on you. “Don’t worry, Y/n, you’ll see that we know how to share.”

Part 2

#yandere bts #yandere jungkook #yandere taehyung #sugadaddy #cheating #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts #yandere #yandere bangtan #taekook #bts reactions #bangtan reactions #jungkook #taehyung

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symphonicmetal101 · 3 years ago

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Over-Tired OM Boys HCs

Here's the initial thing that got me started thinkin bout the boys, but here ya go-

Lucifer

- this man, once he hits overtired, is extremely gullible, which is why he locks himself in his office until hes done what needs to be done

- also cannot keep a train of thought for more than 20 seconds and it drives him nuts

- and then he loses his focus even more because he's upset

- you tried knocking on the door once, and told him when you closed your eyes, you couldnt see and needed to go to the doctor

- man went from frustrated to concerned in a heartbeat, only after opening the door realizing how foolish he had just come across

- but now the door was open and you had access to him, and reluctantly he let you drag him to bed

- Will deny it ever happened, and if you bring it up, expect a punishment.

- Though he is grateful you made him rest so he would not become the laughingstock of his brothers

Mammon

- over tired bby will ramble until he forgot what he was talking about and space out for a solid ten seconds before snapping back

- it doesnt matter if you're listening intently or only half listening, he makes no sense what so ever.

- If you can record him without him noticing you (which is easy to do in this state) and play it back once he's rested he's either facepalming and blushy for the nonsense he spewed or he managed to pick out what he may have been trying to say and gets super excited, going off on another more understandable tangent.

- Gaming is a priority

Levi

- Sleeping is not

- Levi usually ends up just tired, not wired but dear lord when he does-

- All that energy and passion he pours into the way he speaks about anime and manga?

- Its physical now...oh and hes slightly more extroverted

- Though its a rare sight, over tired Levi works out and rambles about whatever it was that made him stay up that long, and hes doing it all in your room

Satan

- Over tired Satan is a rare sight, though it happens often, as he holes up in his room

- He gets an impulse to clean, and will tidy and clean and organize his books, though it never lasts

- and theres no escape, he will start crying if he feels you arent paying attention or if you're about to leave

- Depending on who you are, he either becomes 10000000% testier, or hes a giggly mess, there is no in between

Asmo

- Finds everything funny, but will get pouty if it came from someone he doesnt really like

- Over tired Asmo is rare, likely the rarest of all the boys to see, save for Barbatos

- but he is a chaotic little fucker

- dear god

- He will raid the fridge and pantry worse than Beel, specifically when hes on a diet-

- Then MC you're either in for one hell of a story from Asmo, most of them his not-so-proud drunk moments that he never talks about for that reason but he cant stop himself-

-his laugh sounds even more high pitched than normal, and a little maniacal, and he finds everything he says hilarious

- you will go on an adventure probably

Beel

- spaces out randomly, and also cries easily, dont point this put to him and say yes to his adventures, he'll change his mind a thousand times on the way- just go with it

- overtired Beel happens quite a bit, usually after the victory of a game and the adrenaline starts to wear off- and then he still has stuff to do

- but instead of "oh" and maybe a small laugh when he realizes what happened its more ".....oh" and then he looks like he's having an existential crisis

- you will have to physically lead him to bed after that, he's too busy thinking and slowly eating whatever is in his hand

- he snacks to keep himself awake, and poor himbo man is even more gullible than usual

- will want to cuddle, but wont ask when hes like this

Belphie

- out like a bulb immediately

- The Avatar of Sloth? Over tired? yes it happens unfortunately-

- He gets even grumpier than usual because he can’t sleep

- Then at night its just restless tossing and turning

- yes even the seemingly flawless butler gets overtired, but opposite of Asmo, he is far better at concealing it

- Usually happens when he intentionally sleeps through important meetings and days for Lucifer back to back to back

- It’s another excuse to hold you though, so he might make himself over tired more often

Barbatos

- You will see him stifle yawns

- And when given instructions, his eyes widen slightly with concentration as he whispers the instructions over and over under his breath so nobody can hear, but its clear his lips are moving

- he cannot be bribed

- he can be intimidated though, and how you ask?

- “threaten” to go tell Beel or Dia because you know full well if they were asked, they would carry Barb back to his quarters if you can’t do so on your own-

- no he will not sleep

- Usually that’s enough to convince him, but you have to stay near to make sure he doesn’t leave until he’s well-rested, otherwise he’ll leave as soon as possible and try to get back to work

- buuuut if you’re “on guard” or in bed with him- well he might have a few extra minutes or hours to spend with you

Diavolo

- overtired Diavolo is rather rare, as Barbatos is very strict with the prince's schedule

- Still though if Diavolo truly wants to keep going...all Barb can do is prepare for the future

- Which uh...just means being able to drag the prince to his quarters

- If you thought he was lively before, being overtired is kinda like giving caffiene to a squirrel for him

- Until he suddenly crashes....which, depending on how you like his company, can be unfortunate as his kick can last for hours

Simeon

- Simeon goes into zombie mode when he's overtired

- He hates to admit it, but it tales every oumce of strength to not fall asleep in the middle of classes

- Not that Luke would let him

- He's a little dazy, a little slow, but even just a power nap gets the angel going again

Luke

- Babie boy, don't stay up with the big kids-

- an overtired ten year old follows a certain progression

- grumpy, denial in need of sleep, chatterbox, chatterbox, chatterbox, chatt- oh he fell asleep in the middle of his sentence

- will not acknowledge anything in the morning, even as he walks out of his bedroom instead of the random place he slept, instead carrying on the conversation he left half finished the night before

Solomon

- hah

- he has spells

- who needs sleep?

- bastard also pushes himself too far, but disguises it with more ease than anyone else, at least until its just the two of you

- He tends to run his hand through his hair more often, fidgets more

- hes a little jumpy too, so continue with caution if you dont want to be turned into a frog-

Anyways, I know its been a hot minute since I posted anything really uh...substantial? I guess this will have to do?? I'm going to be travelling for a bit, so I apologize for slow updates, also dont have the patience to make a queue

Thank y'all for supporting me anyways, it means a lot!! Keep an eye out for the next OC Hunger Games~

Love ya!!

Masterlist

#obey me #obey me shall we date #v talks #obey me! shall we date?#obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me luke #obey me scenarios #obey me thoughts

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dantelionwishes · 3 years ago

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life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs!

MIDDLE SCHOOL

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED–

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad)

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless)

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha oc comeback #mha #bnha oc #mha oc #lionhe(art)#I know I havent exactly written stuff from meeting toshinori onwards #but thats for another day!!#I only ever wrote Sato's backstory pre meeting all might #yet all I drew as a teen was them as a couple lMAOOO #idk if anyone would wanna read that but honestly iM SURE THE STUDENTS WANT THAT SPICY RELATIONSHIP INFO JHSDJGHAJHJK #my 17-year old self would have been happy in my place ;;3;; !!!!!#i finally got to share his lore!! that was a lot so if you seriously read it all thank you so much aaaaaaaaaaaa #Osamu sato-sensei

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