#its such a foreign experience they did SUCH a good job with it

[autumndragons]

i adore totk it skyrocketed to one of my favourite games very quickly and its the only thing thats been keeping me sane this last week but man that game is a full time job. like im sure when i played skyrim for the very first time i had a similar "my god, there is so many things to do" feeling but in totk it feels a lot more put together than skyrim? like you could skip half or more of the content in skyrim and not really lose much of the story/lore because its all pretty self contained for each part, but in totk a lot of stuff comes back to a central story in one way or another. like i took a break from the yiga clan stuff (theyre also gathering zonaite etc and have a bunch of lore in that area) after getting my fifth battery to very briefly do part of the 'main quest' (zoras) and then got distracted looking for the sky tablets (backstory on the old kingdom) and like. none of these things are completely self contained?? they all give lore for the grander setting and the main story! and im sure its designed that you can just go right through the main story, and maybe also get the tears, and be fine, but. i want the worldbuilding!! i LOVE the worldbuilding in botw/totk!

like dont get me wrong im having a great time flying my little bird plane from sky island to sky island hunting down the tablets now, but then im like. i need to finish the yiga thing. josha wanted me to find something around there too. sidon needs my help. i was supposed to get something from robbie's old lab. oh that typhlo ruins quest is probably updated now. oh theres a dragon tear- its not the next one i need and i should do these in order i'll come back later. i forgot i still have the last great faerie to unlock. ive used every single map pin and i dont remember what any of them are. is this one on the surface or in the sky? oh hey a new chasm-

idk. its just a lot. im having a great time but im like 58 hours in and ive done one (1) sage but i also have 14 hearts, an extra stamina wheel, and five batteries? lmao

totk is everything i couldve wanted and thats both a blessing and a curse

[reasonsforhope]

Kamala Harris just announced that her vice president will be Minnesota governor Tim Walz. Based on the coverage so far I'm really reassured by this decision.

The Washington Post did an obviously great job of making a prepared article for each option, considering how long an article they had up 7 minutes after the announcement.

((Okay technically it's not an official announcement yet it's "according to three people familiar with the pick, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss a decision that is not yet public." But listen. I am 99% sure this is a weather balloon. (Meaning: a deliberate leak to gauge reaction.) Because the sheer weakness or incompetence on the part of the Harris campaign that it would take for three people to all confirm that within a few hours hours of each other and the planned announcement it is massive.))

-via The Washington Post, August 6, 2024

Honestly this decision, from everything I've read and can tell, looks like it's brilliant politics.

Important Context: The vice president(ial candidates)'s job in an election is not to be similar to the president. The vice president's job on the ballot is very, very much specifically to be different from the president. Why? So they can cover each others' weaknesses. Especially regionally.

(Sidenote: I feel a bit ridiculous saying this. But genuinely if you want to get a stronger understanding of how US elections really work. Go watch seasons 6 and 7 of The West Wing. Genuinely, a lot of politicians have said - especially back in its day - that that was the most accurate depiction of an election they'd ever seen. Also specifically features an entire arc about a contested Democratic primary convention, so also very good if you're interested in understanding weird nominating convention shenanigans.)

From the article:

"Harris’s choice for a running mate was among the most closely watched decisions of her fledgling campaign, as she sought to bolster the ticket’s prospects for victory in November and rapidly find someone who could be a governing partner. In picking Walz, she has selected a seasoned politician with executive governing experience and signaled the importance of Midwestern battleground states such as Wisconsin and Michigan.

Walz’s foray into politics came later in life: He spent more than two decades as a public school teacher and football coach, and as a member of the Army National Guard, before running for Congress in his 40s. In 2006, he defeated a Republican to win Minnesota’s 1st Congressional District--a rural, conservative area--and won reelection five times before leaving Congress to run for governor.

Walz was first elected governor in 2018 and handily won reelection in 2022. Though little-known outside his state, Walz emerged publicly as one of the earliest names mentioned as a possible running mate for Harris, and in the ensuing days he made the rounds on television as an outspoken surrogate for the vice president...

“These are weird people on the other side. They want to take books away, they want to be in your exam room. … They are bad on foreign policy, they are bad on the environment, they certainly have no health care plan, and they keep talking about the middle-class,” Walz told MSNBC in July. “As I said, a robber baron real estate guy and a venture capitalist trying to tell us they understand who we are? They don’t know who we are.”

Walz also has faced criticism from Republicans that his policies as governor were too liberal, including legalizing recreational marijuana for adults, protecting abortion rights, expanding LGBTQ protections, implementing tuition-free college for low-income Minnesotans and providing free breakfast and lunch for schoolchildren in the state.

But many of those initiatives are broadly popular. Walz also signed an executive order removing the college-degree requirement for 75 percent of Minnesota’s state jobs, a move that garnered bipartisan support and that several other states have also adopted.

“What a monster. Kids are eating and having full bellies, so they can go learn, and women are making their own health-care decisions,” Walz said sarcastically in a July 28 interview with CNN when questioned whether such policies would be fodder for conservative attacks, later adding: “If that’s where they want to label me, I’m more than happy to take the [liberal] label.”

Walz also spoke at a kickoff event in St. Paul for a Democratic canvassing effort, casting Trump as a “bully.”

“Don’t lift these guys up like they’re some kind of heroes. Everybody in this room knows--I know it as a teacher--a bully has no self-confidence. A bully has no strength. They have nothing,” Walz said at the event, sporting a camouflage hunting hat and T-shirt.

Walz has explained that he felt some Democrats’ practice of calling Trump an existential threat to democracy was giving him too much credit, which prompted his decision to denounce the GOP nominee instead as being “weird.”

“I do believe all those things are a real possibility, but it gives him way too much power," Walz said on CNN’s “State of the Union” regarding the Democrats’ rhetoric. “Listen to the guy. He’s talking about Hannibal Lecter, shocking sharks, and just whatever crazy thing pops into his mind.”

If Walz is elected vice president, under state law, Minnesota Lt. Gov. Peggy Flanagan (D) would assume the governorship for the rest of his term. Minnesota Senate president Bobby Joe Champion, a Democrat, would become lieutenant governor."

-via The Washington Post, August 6, 2024

--

This guy. Sounds like. fucking Moderate swing-state/rural/Midwestern/southern/"heartland"/working class white voter catnip. He sounds like he's also a very smart politician and strong campaigner. And he's apparently genuinely a good guy with a good record, too.

He sounds like he's going to do a really good job of appealing to voters in several of the big deal swing states without being from any of them specifically. Which means it doesn't feel like pandering to one of the states involved (and thereby spurning the others), which is also great.

(Also he was the one who started "weird" @ conservatives and I think we should take that seriously as a very good political instinct/move. Judging in large part by how it has so clearly hit an actual nerve with conservatives like so little else. Also hugely relevant: that post going around about how part of why conservatives are so upset about "weird" is because in the Midwest, "weird" specifically also implies anti-social or harmful behavior.)

Officially feeling more optimistic about Trump not winning in November

[corphneux707]

Dr. Ratio x Child! Reader

Headcanons of child reader who he accidentally isekai'd due to an accident during an experiment. Written as platonic and gender neutral!

・┆✦ʚ♡ɞ✦ ┆・

First off, he'd actually feel bad for accidentally transporting you.

Like c'mon, you're literally a kid. So that means he'll take the responsibility of taking care of you for the meantime, until he finds a way to send you back.

Your opinion of him started to get better overtime. At first, he looked scary. Especially when the first hour of you being transported, he looked scary as he berated some poor soul working in the experiment.

He starts off slow in trying to get along with you, which wasn't THAT tough considering he's the only adult you could depend on.

But he's quite considerate of you.

You'll have your own room and your own stuff. It just took quite a bit of coaxing for you to show what you like without 'shying away'

Actually, you weren't shy at all. You were scared, as Ratio deduced.

It made more sense, everything in this world was new to you.

The toughest part that he had to handle with you is with your attachment to your family. The crying, tantrums, the constant "I miss them..."

It was hard to watch you get depressed

This is where Ratio steps in. He comforts and distracts you from your problems.

This is how he gets close to you overtime by being the adult you could lean on for comfort and overall for everything a child needs.

He'd wipe your tears.

Wipe a tissue on your runny nose. (Albeit, in his dismay).

He'd let you hug him as you cried yourself to sleep. His hugs weren't comfortable, but it was secure.

He even listens to you words, even when you choke on sobs between your garbled sentences.

Feed you after assuring that the foreign looking food is tasty and good for you.

Play games with you

Answers all your questions no matter how absurd they are

His face through all of this? Usually a straight face per usual.

Every once in a while, he'd smile when he manages to give you something that you like.

He's especially happy when you start to pick up some habits of his or manage to apply his teachings to you.

There's something about it that strokes his ego and makes him proud of you.

Speaking of teachings, in the early times where you started living with him, he couldn't just leave you alone at home.

Which is why, sometimes you'd be brought along into the guild.

You'd be sat in a corner where you could be easily seen playing with some kind of silent digital toy.

At first, it was surprising for you to watch a student get hit by a chalk because they weren't paying attention. Nowadays, its kind of expected.

Afterclass, you are SWAMPED by countless students fawning over you.

Aeon help them if you smile at them and show them what you like. You're way too precious for their hearts.

The difference between how he treats his students and you is outstanding. He's usually gentle with you, but still somewhat stern.

Your toys mostly have some underlying lesson that'll help you develop your brain. Like, puzzles or mazes.

Show him what you accomplished and you get a smug face from him after he says you did a good job.

Proud dad, really.

Would brag about it.... by incorporating it into his unsults.

"If your problem still hasn't been solved, is it possible that the problem is you? Even a my child could do better."

Or something like that.

On the other hand of your accomplishments is Ratio's dismay of your antics

You're a child, yes. But he finds himself always questioning what the hell goes on in your little head.

You learn all the types of sighs this man has

Theres the annoyed sigh. Bored sigh, and many more.

The most type of sigh you get is the 'What the hell? I'm too tired for this' with the 'What the actual fuck does that mean?' look

Imagine saying present slang like gyatt, fanun tax, rizz.

Like-

You'll see a student admiring Dr. Ratio while he's seated beside you during lunch and you'll say to him "Wow, you have a lot of rizz"

Or when you're trying on matching outfits and then you ask, "Do you feel bonita?"

He's ???? but picks up on it by context clues.

Eventually he'll be incorporating it when he talks to you.

It's like your silly little codes (to you atleast) between the two of you !!

Baths with him are really nice. You get pampered alot by getting a head massage as he shampoos your head, at the same time you get to play with the bubbles and his rubber duckies!

When its bed time, he tucks you in and makes sure that you are asleep.

Usually when he works late, he'll come into your room to check on you. He'll fix your blanket so it completely covers you and pats your head softly before going to sleep in his own room :3

That's all for now. I'm in the process of making a fic and adding more stuff. I didn't even think I'd go this far but oh well.

Thank you for reading one of my first few posts!!

[greywritesthings]

Too tired to make sense

Spencer Reid x Bilingual!Reader

Fluff

Warnings - None

A/N - I'm still learning so my French isn't perfect! Thanks to @itsleilabxtch for proofreading it <3

This may become a series!

Masterlist

SR Masterlist

You were like a breath of fresh air to the BAU. With Hotch, Reid, Morgan and Emily returning to the team and the newer agents leaving to other posts or retiring to spend time with their families the team looked the same as it had a decade a ago but far less bright eyed and hope filled, apart from you. You were added onto the team as a transfer from the Foreign counterintelligence unit due to your masters and in progress doctorate in forensic psychology and linguistics. You were considered young for the BAU but you had the intelligence and experience so Hotch took you on after a quick interview and a look over your paperwork and completed cases from FCI. He was happy to have a new agent that had a new skill set and didn't carry the same traumas the rest of the team did, he just hoped the job wouldn't break your spirit the same it did the rest of the team. 

You had just been introduced to the team when a case came in. “Crime fighters we are off to Amarillo Texas” Garcia announced as she walked back into the round table room, Causing you to take a seat and look up to the screen she was now standing in front of, you would get settled in later. 

You didn’t get time to get settled in for a week, the case itself was short but so was your sleep. You were doing twenty hour days for six days straight and by the time you reached your hotel, showered and did your other nightly routine items you had a total of two and a half hours of broken and unsettled sleep. It meant by the time you sat down on the jet your brain was running at 2 miles an hour on nothing but adrenaline and shitty police coffee. 

“So, how you feeling after your first case, sweetheart?” Derek asks as he settles in opposite you. “Bien, nous avons attrapé le gars et sauvé une victime, c'est donc une bonne chose, mais je suis tellement fatigué que ce n'est même pas drôle.” “Fine, well we caught the guy and saved a victim so that's good but I'm so tired it's not even funny.”  You smile at him, slurring your words together slightly, not registering the language change. 

You had grown up in England but you were raised by an American Father and French English Mother, it meant you had a mixed accent when you were speaking English if you were exhausted or drunk and that you often reverted back to French.

“What’d you say? I don’t speak that whole French, Italian, Spanish thing. Care to repeat for us English only speakers?” He responds to you jokingly, you still hadn't registered the switch so you were confused, thinking your accent was just coming on heavier than usual. You ask “Qu'entendez-vous par français, italien, espagnol ? Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?” “What do you mean by French, Italian, Spanish? What's wrong?” Derek continues looking at you in confusion before smiling at you and standing up.”You are clearly too tired to make sense, talk to you later honey” He ruffles your hair as he leaves, going to take up the seat opposite Spencer, whispering something to him as he sits down. Spencer then nods, finishing his page before standing up and making his way over to you. 

“y/n, vous parlez en français, pas en anglais, c'est pourquoi Morgan était confus.” “y/n, you're speaking French, not English, which is why Morgan was confused.” He says as he sits down where Derek just left. “Quoi? Mon dieu, Désolé, je n'avais pas remarqué” “What? God, sorry I hadn't noticed.” You give him a sheepish smile.

“C'est bon, Emily et moi le parlons de toute façon, donc vous pouvez nous parler en français aussi, et si vous voulez dormir, les lits sont libres, on peut y aller ensemble si vous voulez?” “Its okay, Emily and I speak it anyway so you can speak to us in French too, and if you want to sleep, the beds are free, we can go together if you want?” He asks quietly, nodding to the long empty bed behind you both. You smile at him and nod, shifting around to stand up, shivering slightly against the cooler air in comparison to the small cocoon of warmth you had built around yourself during the flight so far. 

You both make your way over to the sofa bed and Spencer sits down first. “Voulez-vous poser votre tête sur mes genoux ? Les coussins sont comme des pierres, croyez-moi.” “Would you like to put your head on my lap? The cushions are like rocks believe me.” He asks, folding up a blanket when you give him a nod and a smile, a small blush covering your features, thankfully not visible in the dim lighting of the plane given that mostly everyone was trying to sleep. 

Soon enough you were settled on the sofa, curled into a ball with your head on Spencer's lap. He had pulled out a book and began reading while you stared ahead or at the floor, at the point of exhaustion where you were unable to sleep. You were growing restless, your foot was tapping against the edge of the seat as you tried counting sheep as a last resort, knowing it wouldn't work when Spencer started talking again, lowering the book in front of you, you noticed he wasn’t just talking, rather reading to you. “Calmez-vous, ma chérie” “Calm down darling.” He whispers to you when he takes a pause in a paragraph. And with him reading the book and the low whirr of the engine you eventually fall asleep.

Taglist - @reidstheyfriend , @oosnapitskat, @lover-of-books-and-tea , @cultish-corner, @pleasantwitchgarden

Join my taglist here!

[heliads]

Ink Stains

Moving from Amity to Dauntless was quite the lifestyle change. Still, nothing rocks your boat more than meeting Eric Coulter for the first time, especially when he seems to like you more than he should.

masterlist

Creativity does not flourish much in Dauntless, nor art for that matter. It is strange, then, that you, so fully borne of both, would choose this bloody faction as opposed to any other. Your birth faction, Amity, is better suited to your temperament and interests, but you had hardly realized that when you underwent the Choosing Ceremony. All of us must leave our homes when we grow up, and only very few can return.

Dauntless seemed like the furthest place you could run, so of course that was the one you chose. You missed it later, only after loathing it, blaming it for your troubles, and finally admitting that it might have been a good home to you, but only after far too long.

Sometimes, you think that’s why the city decided to force its inhabitants to choose their home faction when they’re so young. At that age, all you want to do is escape, so you pick something strange and foreign, a faction that your family would hate so you could fight back against them. When the dust clears and you realize that the past was not so terrible after all, you are in the middle of a strange place with no way of returning, so you have no choice but to fight to stay there.

It would instill a truly fascinating sense of dedication in its transfers, to say the least. Or perhaps no one is like that at all, and it is just that you have made a mistake with no way to fix it. Maybe you should have stayed in Amity after all, been content with familiar nothingness and learned to fake your smiles at least as well as your mother, or save your anger for when no one can see it, like your father.

You don’t think you were meant for Amity, though, not really. It vexed you to no end, the simplicity of it all. You did enjoy the painting, the artists that sprung up in every corner, common as dandelions, but that wasn’t the end of it. The rules were chafing yet vague, the expectations ever-changing. It should have come as no surprise that you would leave.

Besides, you did well in Dauntless initiation, to the great surprise of just about everyone there. They saw your brightly colored clothes when you leapt from the roof, but soon enough you blended in with the lot of them and people would double take when you told them you hadn’t been born in Dauntless proper. The thought that you could be from Amity of all places was insane, and had it not been for the fact that you still remember the waving gold of the fields, the high flying birds that soared above your head, you would have believed it as little as your new friends.

Despite your best attempts to immediately separate yourself from your former faction, you couldn’t shake the memories completely. That’s why you didn’t shoot for one of the top jobs or security positions. Those were snapped up by the really good kids, the ones who aren’t just not carefree but genuinely heartless.

You ended up taking a position among the ranks of tattoo artists and quickly soared to the top. Amity had taught you clarity and control in your art, and soon you were known for your original designs. More often than not, Dauntless looking for a new pattern would ask you to draw something directly as opposed to just using one of the countless templates already printed out.

It gives them a sense of originality, for one thing. No one tattoo is ever the same when it comes to your works. It saves members of the faction from the embarrassing experience of showing off a new tattoo just to see the guy across from you roll up his sleeve to reveal the exact same thing.

Soon enough, your name has spread far and wide across Dauntless, and you get more and more customers by the day. That’s how you know that you ended up choosing the right faction and way of life after all, and it’s also how you meet Eric Coulter for the first time.

Eric is somewhat of a mixed bag. He only graduated from initiation a year or so before you, so he didn’t lead your training when you first joined the faction. You’ve heard he’s a total killer, both in the fighting ring and at every other moment of the day, so you were more than a little uneasy when he first darkened the door of your shop.

You’re not really sure what you expected when he showed up in the beginning. That he’d yell at you, maybe, like you’d heard in whispers. Apparently he’d go off on anyone if he felt the need– someone taking the wrong water glass in the mess hall, or an idiot trainee who didn’t get ready in time– or he could have just been there to complain about some failed regulation you didn’t know about.

Instead, he was nice, actually, which was somehow even more unsettling than if he’d just been the harsh training leader he is to everyone else. He’d spent a lot of time admiring your works, even offering up a rare compliment here and there. At last, he’d decided on an initial design, and taken a seat on your chair.

Most clients talk at least a little while you’re tattooing them. New initiates usually rattle off their difficulties, grateful for an ear that won’t judge them or try to use their weaknesses to gain a position or two in the rankings. Experienced Dauntless sometimes swap gossip or discuss various pieces of information they’ve heard from contacts in other factions. Others just stay silent the whole time, thinking through ideas they’ll barely even hint at to you.

One of your friends has tattooed Eric before, and they told you he’d been absolutely icy the whole appointment, hardly even saying a word except to point out which tattoo he wanted. Maybe he’d just had a bad day then, because you and Eric actually end up talking the entire time. 

He complains about the initiates being unable to so much as tie their shoes without needing his directions, and laughs when you counter his stories with what you’ve seen outside of the scheduled training hours. Eric asks you about how you started tattooing and seems genuinely stunned that you grew up in Amity.

“It doesn’t seem possible,” he tells you over the hum of the tattoo needle, “you’re, like, normal.”

You laugh at that. “The Amity are normal, Coulter.”

He narrows his eyes. “They’re weird. Happy-go-lucky strangers. Not you, though,” he adds quickly, “you’re tough. A real Dauntless.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t take offense if you insult the Amity,” you grin, “I left for a reason, believe me on that.”

Eric frowns. “What was the reason, if you don’t mind me asking?”

You sigh, staring at the design you’re working through for a moment before getting up the strength to continue. “I clashed with the higher-ups a lot. If you weren’t totally happy and living life all the time, you felt like you were disappointing them. Everyone there claims that they’re only ever nice to them, but the faction leaders told me I was a screwup more times than I could count. Even my own parents.”

When you risk a glance up, you notice that Eric’s expression has twisted down into something colder, something almost like rage. “They were wrong. They shouldn’t have said that.”

“I know,” you laugh to yourself, “I did well in initiation, obviously they should have guessed that.”

After a while, Eric is convinced to laugh a little alongside you, but the anger doesn’t erase itself from his features for some time. “Yes,” he mumbles almost to himself, “they should have.”

The rest of the session passes without incident. The next day, you find yourself waiting at your empty station. He was supposed to come back to finish the piece, but he’s a few minutes late, and you can’t help but wonder if it’s on purpose, that you said or did something to chase him off. It could be nothing, of course, but you never know.

He ends up hurrying in soon enough, the slightly quickened beat of his walk the only sign that something is on his mind. You look up when he arrives, allowing yourself a small smile. He did come back, then. You were not too much.

“Glad to see you,” you say, “I was worried I scared you off with my inherent Amity-ness. I’ve heard it’s bad for Dauntless. Ruins the whole stoic demeanor if we smile too much.”

His lips twitch upwards briefly, but whatever had been bothering him before tamps that forbidden emotion down soon enough. “No, not your fault in the slightest. Some initiate was using the wrong kind of gun during today’s drills, nearly put another kid’s eye out. I don’t even know where he got the thing, but it happened anyway.”

“Ah,” you say with a knowing look, “Initiates.”

“Always initiates,” Eric grumbles, but he allows his smile to stick this time, and you think that maybe he isn’t as bad as the rumors allow.

The rest of the session is just as good, if not better. Eric is kind to you, says things that grow increasingly apparent to be jokes. It’s funny, you’d always heard that he was this terribly cold guy, but everyone else must have gotten him at a bad time. Either that, or that’s the Amity in you seeing the best of everyone. Still, you’re certain that his good attitude whenever you’re around isn’t faked. It can’t be.

There’s silence from him for a while. You don’t take it personally, or you shouldn’t, anyway– Eric’s a busy guy, you know that from his words alone if not from always seeing him rush around the compound. He’s a Dauntless leader, he’s not going to be hanging around a tattoo shop unless he’s actively getting new ink.

Then, about a week or so later, he comes back in. Busies himself with looking at the patterns for a while even though you both know he’s not going to get something anyone else could have. This time, he talks to you, asks what you wish you got to draw more often. When you answer, he has you put that in his latest design. It makes your stomach tie itself in tight knots, more intense than even when you’d thrown yourself off the roof on your first day on Dauntless earth.

Confusingly, Eric stops you when you’re about halfway through, says that’s all the time he’s got and that he’d like to continue tomorrow, if that’s alright with you. You ask him if he minds having an incomplete tattoo on his arm and he just laughs, tells you he’ll pull his sleeves down or something. It’s a terrible excuse, but it’s what he wants and so that must be what you want, too. It’s good business. You can tell yourself that when you’re lying awake at night, wondering just what you’ve gotten yourself into.

Eric comes in almost every day, demanding increasing progress on his tattoos. You don’t know why he insists on doing them piecewise– it’s not pain tolerance, he’s got more of that than anyone around and it’s not like Dauntless Leader Eric Coulter would ever admit to something pathetic like pain. It must be something else, then. It must be.

The tattoos spiral and change as they spread across his skin. They’re a mess, to be honest, no cohesive pattern, like he’s picking the templates with his eyes closed and only the goal of covering as much flesh as possible. 

You tell him his tattoo sleeves aren’t as coherent as they could be; he laughs, asks you to use your Amity artistry to make some sense of them. He seems unruffled by your accusations of poor taste. Later that same day, Eric punches someone’s nose in because some drunk fellow stumbling out of a party made the mistake of questioning the inked patterns. The idiot said the same things you did, more or less. One of you received a rare smile, the other, a broken bone. It makes no sense.

At some point, he’s going to run out of skin to tattoo. You warn him of this and he grins, flashing dagger-sharp teeth at you. Says that’s why he’s asking you to go so slowly with it. Inch by inch, he cedes control to you. You want to question what that means, but some part of you is scared to ask, scared that he’ll change his mind and leave, or worse, ask someone else to do it.

The last day comes, and this time you know it’ll be the end with certainty. Eric asks you to ink his throat in thick stripes, almost like you can see the angles of his spine through the skin. You sit there, trying to focus on your needle, finishing the design, instead of anything foolish like his head in your hands, his eyes resting quietly on you. He can’t talk while you’re working on his neck like this, but the weight of his gaze says enough anyway.

You finish the last stroke and allow yourself to sit there for one final moment, waiting for it all to be over. Your fingers rest on the smooth expanse of his cheekbone, and Eric raises his hand to cover yours.

“Well,” you say at last, trying to keep your voice light, “it’s been an honor to tattoo you, Eric.”

He smiles. The brief, unwelcome thought that this might be the last time you see him do that flashes through your head, and you banish it just as quickly. That’s not something you want to think about right now, if ever.

“I’d say I’m the one who’s been honored,” he returns, “you’ve got the best work in the faction and everyone knows it.”

You feel some small surge of pride in your chest when he says it, hot and bright like the Dauntless flames. “Thank you.”

“You can thank me in a different way,” he offers, “Drinks tomorrow night, maybe? On me?”

You smile back at him. “I think I’d like that.”

“Good,” he grins, standing so he can look down at you. “I’ll pick you up then. It’ll be fun. Maybe you can teach me some of that Amity optimism.”

You can’t help but laugh at that. It would suit him, you think, smiling more, trusting you so he can let down his guard. Looking at him, at how his eyes brighten when he laughs, you think it already does.

divergent tag list: @dindjarinneedsahug, @poisonmenegan, @ozyynka, @rogueanschel, @with-inked-solace, @gods-fools-heroes, @23victoria, @manyfandomsfanvergent, @imwaysthelastchoice, @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed, @crazyhearttragedy, @alex-1967s-blog

[itsbubbleteataro]

The Radio Host and The Reporter (pt 2)

Parings; Human!Alastor x Human!fem reader

Warnings; Alastor being Alastor. Murder, gore, stalking, cannibalism, drinking, sexism

Dw yall end up in hell......eventually

Pt one Pt three

As you stepped out of the club into the swampy night air, you take a deep breath. Stretching your hands up to the moon with a soft groan you go ahead and step off into the night, walking towards your home.

Unknown to you however that you were being followed by two people. One being the very same politician she had written her very first story on. The second being Alastor, wanting to ensure that a fine woman such as yourself made it home safely.

With the occasional stumble you make your way down the street, turning right at the corner of where your home was. Alastor sucked in a breath, noticing the crude way the politician spoke about you under his breath. He had decided on his next victim.

*****

A few days later his voice rang through the airways,

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, it's me, Alastor yes it's a pleasure to be speaking to you all once again. Now onto today's news! About a year ago a story was written by this fella named "Roger" about how one of our own political figures was quite the abuser, leading to him losing his job. Well last night he has been reported missing! My what I wouldn't give to meet this Roger fella, he's got quite the talent."

Alastor could not help the smile that crossed his lips as he remembered the joy he had in slaying the poor sap. Watching the life leave his eyes after his blade had plunged into him. His mouth watered at just the mere thought of how wonderful a stew he had created with that man's heart.

As Alastor's show continued you sat at your table, notebook open as your pen dropped to your table with a soft clang.

Your story, your writing, your journalism had been brought up by THE Alastor. Your face split in half at the grin that crossed your features. Joy built up in your chest at the thought. A giggle breaking the steady sound of Alastor talking at the amusing thought that he had no idea it was even you who had done it. 

You stand up, knocking your chair over as you jump for joy, laughing as you take in all the praise. You then fix your chair and go back to working on your next story, a smile still across your face, deciding that in the evening you would go visit your favorite speakeasy again.

1922

You and Alastor had been meeting at Mimzy's speakeasy nightly for quite a few months now, each time leaving Alastor with more questions than answers.

Some foreign feeling had wormed its way into his heart, making it beat faster and faster whenever he was around you. To his dismay the feeling hung around even after he had sobered up. So he figured that on a fine autumn evening, to run himself an experiment.

He sauntered over to the table the two of you shared. Taking your hand in his he placed a gentle kiss upon your knuckles, raising his eyes to speak his greeting,

"Why good evening my dear (y/n) how are you doing on this evening?"

His advices made your cheeks burn with a blush. Alastor could have sworn his heart did a tumble seeing such a sight. Retracting your hand so Alastor could have a seat you give him a response,

"Oh right as rain Alastor. Truly. Although I have been quite bored at home. My pa won't even let me work at the family's company"

You respond with a sigh, taking a drink from your glass. As soon as you set your drink down, Alastor grabs your hand.

"Then let me take your mind off of things, come join me for a dance?"

Without a second thought you let him drag you to the dance floor. The two of you spin and dance for what seems like hours on end, the entire time, a smile never leaving your face.

While on the dance floor, Alastor pulled you close for a moment,

"Say Cher, you say you've nothing to do, so how about I take you out tomorrow afternoon?"

Laughing you give your response,

"Oh Alastor, I'd love to!"

Giggling like gossiping school children, the two of you take your seats again, finishing your drinks before paying, and finally letting Alastor walk you home.

Walking arm and arm, chatting the night away as Alastor walks you home. Well not exactly chatting, more of Alastor talking about who knows what, and you listening in gaining information on his likes and dislikes.

In turn, you shared that you quite enjoy Barbershop quintets and swing music. Before long, Alastor and you had arrived at door. Letting go of your arm you take your key out of your small bag and fumble with the lock for a moment before pushing open the door. You turn around to face Alastor,

"Thank you for walking me home Alastor. Please take care tonight, I hear all kinds of men are disappearing into thin air!" 

With that you walk into your home, closing the door behind you. You take your shoes off before placing your hands on your cheeks feeling them heat up with blush at the thought of going on a date with Alastor.

"Oh hush up your emotions girl, you ain't in love. He ain't either. You were the one who told the fib about you being stuck in the house all day, now you gotta follow through"

You shook your head as you head to your room to get yourself ready for bed.

Meanwhile Alastor chuckled to himself as he walked away from your door. He found it amusing that you worried for his safety, not knowing he was the one behind all the missing persons.

Wearing his signature smile (your never fully dressed without one) he made his way to his cabin on the edge of the bayou. He thought about his impromptu proposal of a date and found a familiar feeling start to warm his heart.

Walking into his cabin and taking off his coat and shoes he glared at nothing in particular. He wasn't sure if he liked the feeling or not. The way he felt as if his heart was lighter when you smiled at him. The way your laugh sounded like bells in the wind to him.

In his mind only one woman mattered, his mother, so why did he find his thoughts starting to become consumed by you?

He sighed running a hand through his hair that had already started to return to its naturally curly state. He needed a hunt. Nothing like a good hunt to clear his mind of any and all distractions.

He gained a sinister smile at the thought of a hunt, so that evening he went ahead and did just that, crossing another person off his list and ridding New Orleans of someone he thought to be inferior.

[whencyclopedia]

Thomas Wolsey

Thomas Wolsey, Cardinal Archbishop of York (l. c. 1473-1530 CE) served as Lord Chancellor to Henry VIII of England (r. 1509-1547 CE) from around 1513 CE to 1529 CE. Wolsey rose to become the most powerful man in England after the king, he created the Chancery court, worked with some success at England's foreign policy, and famously built Hampton Court Palace near London. Unable to secure from the Pope the annulment of Henry's first marriage to Catherine of Aragon (1485-1536 CE), Wolsey fell out of favour with his friend and monarch. Accused of treason, the cardinal was already seriously ill when he died on his way to imprisonment and trial in November 1530 CE.

Early Life & Rise in the Church

Thomas Wolsey was born c. 1473 CE in Ipswich, the son of a butcher. He studied at university and became the chaplain to Henry VII of England (r. 1485-1509 CE), gaining invaluable experience of Tudor politics from his sponsor, the councillor Bishop Richard Fox (1448-1528 CE). However, it was under Henry VIII that Wolsey's career really took off. Indeed, after being appointed the royal almoner (giver of alms) in 1509 CE and benefitting from the new king surrounding himself with his own advisors rather than his father's, Wolsey enjoyed a meteoric rise to power from 1514 CE. He became the bishop of Lincoln in March 1514 CE and just a few months later, in September, he was appointed archbishop of York and so became the second most powerful church official in England.

Eager to be the top man in England but realising the current Archbishop of Canterbury was secure in his position, Wolsey bypassed him by directly approaching the Pope. In 1515 CE Wolsey became a cardinal and so he now outranked even the archbishop; he was truly a 'prince of the Church.' In 1518 CE Wolsey went one step higher and became a papal legate (legatus a latere), that is a representative of the Pope himself and entitled to make decisions on his behalf. Usually, legates were given their authority for a limited time only and for a specific purpose such as an international conference. In 1524 CE, Cardinal Wolsey was given legate powers for life. Thomas could now really believe that one day, he might even be in a position to grab the very top job of Pope.

Even before these momentous ecclesiastical progressions, and much more importantly for history, Wolsey had become Lord Chancellor around 1513 CE (or perhaps 1515 CE, historians do not agree on the date). In this position, he was, in effect, Henry VIII's sole minister, the very apex of the pyramid of political power in England. Thanks to his administrative skills and good friendship with the king, Wolsey became a giant political spider with a web of subordinates that stretched into every part of the kingdom.

As the historian S. Brigden summarises, Wolsey developed a very special working relationship with his mercurial monarch:

The Council was still consulted, but only after Wolsey and the king, in a kind of partnership, had determined policy. Wolsey would first 'move' Henry towards some idea; the King 'dreamed of it more and more'; and only then would the council be informed. Wolsey's influence seemed supreme, and his household, in its magnificence, looked a rival to the royal court. So completely did he see himself as alter rex, it was alleged, that he would say: 'The King and I would ye should do thus: the King and I do give you our hearty thanks.' His pride and splendour were legendary: crosses, pillars and poleaxes, hated symbols of his authority, were carried before him; earls and lords served him. (106)

Continue reading...

[alans-snz]

Enjoy this C/el/ls A/t W/or/k drabble short fic inspired by @dsnzfb 's wonderful snzario from the other day. I initially wrote a bit of it and wanted to turn it into a drabble, but it turned instead into a mini fic, so here ya go!! Enjoy!! And I am going to bed now since it's after 4 am. But this man put in this scenario was living rent free in my brain so much I had to write this before going to sleep!!!

Snz'er: Wh/i/te Bl/o/od C/el/l U/-1/14/6 (my beloved, shown here)

Minor spoilers for C/el/ls A/t W/or/k season 1. Continued below the cut.

Giving a gentle sigh, U-1146 finished his usual patrol around the body. Although things had been peaceful lately, being a part of the first line of defense meant he always had to stay alert. Regardless of how "normal" things might seem, he could never be too wary of any antigens possibly invading the area, whether it was through a breakage in the vascular endothelial cells, a viral infection, or anything foreign that dared cross paths with him, for that matter.

Today, everything seemed almost...too peaceful. When he experiences such a quiet day like this, especially when it comes to such a sensitive place like the epidermis, he always is extra careful and pays more attention to his receptor. After all, its job is—

"Da-ding!"

46 spun on his heel and frantically looked around. Complete silence except for the occasional hustle and bustle of red blood cells. Hm...how odd...

Speaking of, as he searched for the culprit his receptor was detecting, he noticed AE3803 taking a break on a bench nearby to stock up on more glucose. She looked up from her ice cream, smiled, and waved to him, before slowly lowering her hand, looking confused at his sudden search. He decided it would be good to head over there while he tried to sort out the current situation. Besides, it's possible she may have seen something he missed. No harm in asking! On his way over to her, he subconsciously rubbed his nose lightly.

"Snf! Red Blood Cell. Good to see you again," he stated with a nod, carefully holding his hat as he softly nodded as a gentle greeting.

"White Blood Cell! Same to you!" 03 piped up and smiled once more, but it didn't last long, as her expression and tone turned concerned quite quickly. "You seemed to be searching for something, and I noticed your receptor is up. Is everything okay?"

46 carefully nodded and turned slightly. "It seems an antigen is hiding somewhere nearby. Actually, that's why I came over here." He turned back to her, his expression determined, yet still sweet and calm. "I wanted to ask you if you'd seen anything odd." He stood there patiently while Red Blood Cell thought for a moment. However, after a short silence, she only ended up slowly shaking her head. "I see," 46 continued simply. The two of them stood there quietly while 46 eyed the surrounding area once more.

Eventually, 03 narrowed her eyes and looked down at her ice cream as if in deep thought before eventually breaking the silence, "You know, I've been meaning to ask...How do you go searching for hidden antigens anyway?"

46 couldn't help but crack a smile. Seeing he always expressed interest in Red Blood Cell's job, it was always fun to explain his own tasks to her as well. "Well, it's all in this," he said simply, pointing at his receptor. "Any time something is hiding, it's often easier to detect by taking into account when it does and doesn't react." He paused and sniffled softly.

03 gently nodded. "That's so fascinating. I'd love to hear more about how it works!"

"Sure! So when it stops reacting, I...I..." Suddenly, 46's train of thought became occupied elsewhere. He could feel a prickling sensation swiftly building in his sinuses, feathering so quickly through them that he automatically scrunched his nose, his mouth fell slightly agape, and his brow furrowed.

"...You...?" 03 asked in confusion, seeming very intrigued on how this worked and very confused on why 46 suddenly stopped speaking. Little did she know, this reason would become obvious very quickly.

"...I...hh-have t-to...sne—hehh!—sneeze!" He quickly brought his wrist to his nose as his eyelids fluttered and he inhaled sharply. "Heehh...! Hiht'TSSschyuu! Hah'AS—shuu!" His shoulders shook with the force, and although they didn't sound too intense, he struggled to keep himself from bending forward slightly from the intensity. He paused, shook his head, opened his eyes, and sniffled harshly from behind his wrist, seeming to consider whether any more sneezes were lurking in his sinuses before daring to bring his wrist down from his face.

"Snrf! O-oh no, hhiih!..." That sniffle instantly riled his sinuses up even more, and he quickly found himself gasping behind his wrist and snapping his eyes shut yet again. "Haaah'YTsSchhyuu! Hih!...iht'KSSs—chuu!—uungh..." This time, both sneezes made his whole body quiver violently, and he let out a soft groan after the final one. He rubbed his nose vigorously with the back of his wrist before letting out another sniffle. "Snf! Urgh, 'scuse me."

"...Is that usually a part of your process?" Red Blood Cell asked in confusion. White Blood Cell chuckled in response and gently shook his head as he lowered his hand. He also took a mental note that his receptor had gone down afterwards, similarly to that other day when he first learned his receptor will react shortly before he sneezes.

"Not usually, but sometimes, yes." He disconnected his receptor and held it in his hand. "I always have to take my receptor's reactions very seriously and jump into action, regardless of what I'm doing at the time. Since it also tends to detect when something is bothering my nose though, it can be frustrating to start searching for an antigen, then find out I just had to sneeze." He couldn't help but laugh a bit at the idea. "Though silly, it's a welcome change of pace to realize everything is still peaceful in this body, and my receptor just wanted to alert me to my body's irritants too." He smiled softly.

While incredibly odd and unusual, it was in fact relieving for White Blood Cell to experience this situation again. While peace in the body is refreshing, having false alarms from his receptor being affected by his own body as well is one of the unusual trade-offs he would happily take if it meant he could keep this body and all his fellow cells safe!

[compacflt]

When it comes to historical research, do you research for things that DON'T exist? For example, foods that are common now but didn't exist in the average American restaurant or grocery in the '80s or '90's? Words, phrases, and entire concepts that are commonly accepted today but unheard of to the average American when Mav and Ice were at Top Gun?

Your writing is so unbelievably good.

not really because I don't care about food, I care about the literary device that is "taking communion." i.e. it doesn't matter what they eat, it only matters that they're eating together, for the plot.

And, okay, showing my little-kid bias, but was there actually stuff in grocery stores in the 80s/90s that wouldn't be there today/vice versa? brands might change, like okay Pringles might not exist but you still have potato chips; and obviously specialty stuff like what you find in your average Asian market might not be commonplace, but, like, were the 90s all that different from today, American-food-wise? its my assumption that they weren't, but I also wasn't alive in the 90s, so. Um, ectocooler Hi-C, maybe? that's the one 90s food I know.

attitudes of course are what change. today's concept of being so QUICK to publicly label sexual identities would be extremely foreign, for instance. obviously people did label their sexualities in the 80s & 90s, people were definitely calling themselves bisexual and such, but probably not the people ice & mav would be hanging out with, in the Reagan-era navy. which is what my fics are about. that's the whole point.

and, also, COMMUNICATION changes. I have never used a payphone in my whole life so I actually have no idea how they work. but they were ubiquitous "back then," and lend themselves to amazingly interesting conflict (omg I don't have enough change to call my boyfriend maverick who's mad at me!!!) which is why I lean on payphones so much in my writing. honestly, im gonna be real, the invention of the cell phone makes telling stories about miscommunication so much harder. instant-speed communication would make certain stories less interesting, which is why a lot of horror movies default to the "no cell service" trope to isolate their characters, or why some teen dramas have the characters reject cell phones on principle (Alyssa or James having a phone in 2017's "The End of the F***ing World" would solve most of their problems, which is why Alyssa smashes hers in the first five minutes and James basically says he views them as a cancer to society--if they had phones the story would be boring, so the writers took away their phones).

I also feel like people used to treat society differently "back then," i.e. Going Out was much more of a thing when there were 10 channels on TV and no one had cell phones, so you Went Out and had drinks & met strangers & interacted with general society to an extent im not sure we do anymore. So that experience is way more fun to write about in the 80s than today. (u can't see me but im seething with jealousy over ppl who were born in ~1965)

idk. im not sure I did a great job reproducing the zeitgeist of the 80s/90s in my fics, bc I wasn't there to have knowledge of what they were like. I got most of my presupposed knowledge about that time period from reading Calvin & Hobbes anthologies as a kid. oh well.

[jeffbiblesupremacy]

Chat with Bible Wichapas about his career as an actor - GQ Thailand Interview

Translation below ->

The success of KinnPorsche The Series has become a turning point in many people's lives. One of them is Bible-Witchapas Sumettikul, who plays the role of 'Vegas’, and he’s gone from being an ordinary 25 year old guy to become a promising newcomer in the entertainment industry, catching the attention of many. 

Bible is from Chiang Mai. He went to an international school and he’s fluent in English. Before moving to Bangkok, he was studying Mechanical Engineering with a major in English at the Faculty of Engineering, Thammasat University, which he mentioned that he only has a few courses left to complete his studies. 

Previously, Bible did commercials and modeling until he got the opportunity to act in “Kinnporsche the series”, which was a leap in his life that opened a new chapter for him. He learned about the art of acting and unlocked his potential, breaking free from self-doubt. Slightly introvert, he has become an actor with a portfolio in fashion shoots and more. 

For example, Bible came today to do a photoshoot with RADO, a Swiss watch brand known for being "Master of Materials". He's featured with the RADO CAPTAIN COOK Special Edition, which stands out with its exposed mechanical movement under the “Art of Skeletonisation” series (Art of Internal Structure).

GQ: Tell me about your childhood and what it was like.

Bible: I’ve been in the international school community since I was a child, which has led me to have a lot of foreign friends. For example, the school I attended had around 90% of foreign students and the other 1% were Thai. It felt like studying abroad with such diverse of nationalities. However, during breaks, the lifestyle and the activities were like a typical kid from Chiang Mai. I like riding motorcycles up the mountains, visiting waterfalls, and exploring nature’s tourist attractions. 

GQ: That's why you speak English so well.

Bible: You can say English is my main language. I speak it more fluently than Thai because I have so many foreign friends, and I also speak English at home. But when I started working as an actor, I had to practice speaking Thai more. At first, it was difficult because I could think in Thai, but expressing it verbally was difficult. However, the more I practiced, the more I get use to it, so I'm more confident speaking Thai now and I feel better using it.

GQ: Is it an advantage, Especially for new actors who want to go international and success in the entertainment industry?

Bible: I think it's an advantage. However, currently the Thai entertainment industry may still prioritize the importance of speaking Thai. But I believe that, in the near future, actor may need to speak more languages.

GQ: How did the nickname "Bible" come from?

Bible: My dad became a Christian around the time I was born, and he wanted to read the Bible more often, so he used it as a nickname as a reminder to read the Bible more every time whenever he saw me.

GQ: People know you from the role of "Vegas" in "Kinnporche the series", where you played a charismatic and villainous character. But in reality, what's your personality?

Bible: If you get to know me and become close, you'll realize that I'm quite a playful person, but I can look calm and composed because I'm shy. I have a natural introverted nature.

GQ: Before becoming an actor, what kind of works did you have?

Bible: I was in a modeling agency so I got cast for various jobs, including ads and modeling, but I didn't get many opportunities. Even doing 30-40 castings, I would only get 2-3 jobs at most. When the casting for "Kinnporsche the series" came along, I saw it as a good opportunity to try acting, even though I had very little on-camera experience.

GQ: So it was a turning point in your life

Bible: I remember a lot of commercial casting where I had to speak with confidence but I could never do it, might be due to the pronunciation, or the language usage. However, I could manage some commercial with fewer lines. So playing the character "Vegas" in "Kinnporsche the series" was like a transformative experience for me. Apart from the character's strength, I unlocked many things within myself that I didn't know existed.

GQ: For example?

Bible: I understand myself better than before, in the sense of knowing what kind of person I am. Learning to act helped me to figure out what suits me best and apply it to my work and my real life as well. It has helped me to improve and become a more complete human being. 

GQ: Once you entered the world of acting, what did you come to understand?

Bible: I came to understand more about being a human being. I began to empathize with others, understanding what ordinary people need or what drives them to act in certain ways. There are reasons and consequences within themselves.

GQ: Has your introversion lessened over time?

Bible: I think it's like adjusting a mode within myself. It's like I'm not afraid of meeting people, but I just have a lack of confidence in myself. Everything comes back to myself. So changing my perspective that meeting other people is like meeting friends has made my work smoother and brought me more happiness.

GQ: What do you like about being an actor?

Bible: I love being on set. I appreciate the fact that everyone has important roles and responsibilities, and we all have to communicate and work together. With passion, we all strive to give our best. It's inspiring to fight together and create the best possible outcome for our work.

GQ: How do you see your career path in the entertainment industry, both as an actor and in other roles?

Bible: Honetly, I haven't looked too far ahead. I never really thought or dreamed that I would come this far. When I got cast for "Kinnporsche the series", I thought it was a good opportunity to show my acting skills, and I did my best. It was a great experience, and the series turned out to be more successful that I could have imagined. Everything has exceeded my wildest dreams. From that point on, everything has been a bonus in my life. No matter what happens in the future, I feel that it's all worth it.

GQ: And lately you've been working more in the fashion industry.

Bible: I think it's very fun. When I get to do fashion shoots, I feel like I'm just expressing my true self, and seeing myself as part of the complete picture makes the photos much more perfect.

GQ: How do you feel about doing the photoshoot today with a RADO watch?

Bible: It's my first time shooting with a watch brand, and I feel extremely proud to have the opportunity to shoot with RADO, a Swiss brand known for its fascinating innovations, especially their high-tech ceramic that is lightweight and durable. I'm delighted to work with GQ and RADO. Thank you very much.

GQ: Which watch do you like most and why?

Bible: The Captain Cook model, named after the explorer (James Cook), is very special because it has everything - from high-tech ceramic material, plasma color dial, skeleton-style display showcasing the watch's internal mechanism, sapphire crystal, to being water-resistant up to 300 metres. It's ready to go through anything. I think it's a watch that suits me well. It has a subtle appearance but with intricate details, which align perfectly with my adventurous lifestyle.

[pleasepress1forfrontdesk]

OOC: Nimone and Nimone's military history/lore drop.

(Yall I finally named the foreign country that Levi and Ross came from. Totally did not just generate a random name and picked one. Anyways here's some lore for the world building.)

Government: It has it problems like every other government. Healthcare is free, but taxes are expensive. Presidents are hit or miss. The last president really screwed things over with the whole war and made poor decisions. The government doesn't hide its mistakes or bad decisions. This makes some of the people like the governor because of the honesty and not hiding anything from the general public. They have nothing to hide because they don't hide it.

Military/army: Has one of the most strongest and ruthless military in the world. Most funds go into military equipment. They have a strong military to intimidate other countries from attacking them. Though in the military, it requires brutal training in order to have unstoppable soliders.

Power: Over other nations, none. They want to stay in their little land and be left alone.

Agricultural: There isn't a lot of agriculture. Nimone has to rely on imports and trades for agricultural goods.

Location: Somewhat near the US and Cuba, but has no relations with them. More on the west side.

Language: English as the dominant language, but learning more languages is heavily influenced there.

Culture: There's a lot of national pride. Things are relatively peaceful, considering there are a lot of soliders around, so the crime rate is low.

Industrialization: Strong industrialization. Most jobs are industrial jobs and in 9nout of every 10 men have industrial jobs.

Facts:

Every year there's a nation wide festival for the people to celebrate and enjoy about their independence. These events host important/influential figures.

The nation was found in 1931.

Levi, Ross, and Ikari experience the great Nimone war which lasted for 9 years

The president at the time was horrible during the war.

Anyone above the age 10 and was proved useful enough for the military was drafted into the war.

[charmedreincarnation]

how did your parents react to winning that much money? didnt they go crazy lol

im overthinking the 3d stuff and people being nosy thinking we are money laundering cause mine was always on a budget with everything and its a huge lifestyle change

Loool, I haven’t had any experiences with that but I keep my circle small and have always been a private person anyways. I don’t have any social media so most people who aren’t in my life very closely have no idea what’s going on in my life, nor do they see the changes. For my friends, well they have been watching my manifestations come to fruition for a while now. I’m not sure if they know just how dramatic the changes are but they don’t care regardless and they’re just happy for me. Most of them were already pretty well off tbh, so they couldn’t care less. I was always the black sheep, so it doesn’t really affect them (I went to private school on a scholarship.)

But yes my parents were extremely happy. I’m pretty sure they almost immediately put their two weeks in for their retirement. When my mom called me she was in tears, I mean, exactly how you expect someone to act to news like that. My daddy was extremely giddy as well. My siblings started pre ordering so much shit, same with my mom. They kind of just began shopping and being material girls before the money even came. Regardless, even before this specific money manifestation, I just manifested they had good paying jobs, so being “affluent” wasn’t a foreign concept for the past year. but I guess it was kind of useless in the long run.

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Since you mentioned the North and South comic, I've been meaning to ask you how do you feel about pre-contact vs post-colonialism fiction about natives?

The one reason I like atla is because the mixture of fantasy with ancient cultures and seeing glimpses of how people lived in the past. The water tribes had little accurate representation and presence, so I was always up for more in-depth stuff about the tribes after the war.

But with this comic, the tribe faces foreign influences and loss of culture becomes the theme of the comic without really showing it (before the war). Sometimes, I'm left frustrated with a lot of post-colonialism fiction as it defines natives by their oppression and not how they live.

However, like you mentioned, the comic tried to tackle complex topics such as loss of culture, disagreements within the tribe, and exploitation of land and resources. I know that it's a reality for many native people today and that it's good to shed light on these issues from their perspective, not from an outsider's (which is typically what I've seen). Yet, I feel I would have a greater understanding of issues like the loss of culture, if I actually got to know it.

So specifically, I want to ask what comes to mind about these two approaches about natives in fiction? If there's some things you're drawn to, some you aren't, and what you'd like to be considered.

I think a post-colonialism take on Native stories isn't a bad thing, but, as with any story involving or inspired by a marginalized people, it requires an understanding of the culture it's trying to portray. Look at how avatar handles Water Tribe characters, now look at Smoke Signals, Reservation Dogs, Molly of Denali, even Anne with an E did a better job. It's the same as a pre-colonialsm take on stories. Look at Disney's Pocahontas and Brother Bear vs Prey or Atanarjuat: the Fast Runner.

You've framed this as pre-contact vs post-colonialism, but the problems of native fiction written by non-natives are not so neatly folded into a dichotemy like this. It all stems from writing what one doesn't know without questioning one's perception.

It's not controversal to say anti-native racists consider native cultures to be invalid as human cultures. We are not like the Ancient Greeks or Romans to them, but backwater savages. The Greeks and Romans had cultures suited to be aspirational, their philosophies solid, their religions fit for artistic depiction and study, and most compelling of all, their histories were recorded in the written word. Many who held them up as the pinnacle of civilization in the past, and many who still do today, considered our philosophies quaint and primitive, our religions savage and godless, and our histories mere stories for children. It may be a touch controversal to say the common perceptions of us still follow that belief, but that doesn't make it untrue. When writing about us, the non-native tends to consider our cultures too unimportant to "get right" or even try depicting. And when we point this out, they may get defensive and say their story is not a documentary and how could they possibly write characters meant to be one of us as belonging to a people with its own culture.

The thing is, there are many ways to show culture through setting up a scene or character actions, it's just hard to understand when you don't understand things like a cross on the wall or a pumpkin carved into a lantern or buying a sausage on white bread with tomato ketchup, yellow mustard, and occasionally sweet pickle rellish and onions from a vendor cart is a cultural experience and not a universal one. A character having football gear and a job at a burger joint at age 16 tells us about the culture they live in, not just about the character. One of the reasons i keep saying Legend of Korra was a step is that we actually see Water Tribe interiors with stuff.

Take, for example, the opening scene of Legend of Korra:

Look at the background! There's a line to hang things up to dry, a ladder that might be used to get into a cellar space, and what look to be storage containers everywhere. It's so clearly lived in.

And for another example, this shot of Tonraq discussing with the tribe

The walls are lined with tools, decorations, storage and possibly a stack of bedding? Tonraq and his family sitting close to the doorway is a nice cultural touch, though the implications of humility on their parts may have been unintended

Meanwhile, the closest the original series got to this with in terms of domestic Water Tribe spaces was the room Bato was staying it with decorative skins on the walls, shown below.

On that topic, i think it's more than fair to say this episode is more remembered for the introduction of June and Aang feeling like an outsider than Bato and how he tried to feel more at home. This wouldn't be bad in a vacuum. I don't fault anyone for finding a hot, snarky badass with a neat steed that is also her hound and a whip and skull hair accessory more memorable than the characters' dad's friend, and having an episode revolve around a character feeling insecure in their importance with their friends belonging to a culture and family that they've never really been a part of or have a history with is a good call for a children's cartoon, especially in the political climate it aired in. The problem lies in the fact that they don't get to meet anyone from the Water Tribes again until the North Pole, and at that point, culture is treated as an obstacle rather than a source of identity. When Zuko can succeed as a firebender, a leader, and a morally decent person it's because the Fire Nation was good before suddenly deciding to be an imperial power a century ago and can still be redeemed. When Katara succeeds as a waterbender and a warrior in her own right it's because she called out her own people for bullshit cultural standards that apparently no one before her questioned. That doesn't feel fair to the cultures the creative team took so much aesthetic influence from.

Alright, that's enough zeroing in on avatar and its meh approach to Water Tribe worldbuilding.

Even outside of material things, culture is displayed by living. A quiet smile and nod instead of a wave is a display of culture. Choosing not to whistle at night is a display of culture. Jokes like "as in the feather not the dot" are displays of culture. The act of cooking up frybread for the potlatch is a display of culture. If you can make less direct references to a character being queer, you can do it for characters being native too.

I think another thing non-native creators should keep in mind is why. Why is the character native or native coded? This isn't an attack, nor is it to say you need to justify having a native OC. Natives are a marginalized people and being perceived in odd and othering ways, even subconsciously and sometimes even by oneself, comes with the territory. For a fandom example of why you should probably ask why: I'm in the Homestuck fandom and I came upon a post about headcanon ethnicities for the characters and among them the only one the op considered could be Native American (and only "Native American" while others got to be French and German and the like) was Equius. Now, you can't make accurate assumptions and especially shouldn't circulate rumors based on subjective fandom contributions, but if you're making such a contribution to fandom, you really should ask yourself why the only character you can see as native is an uncomfortably sexual, controlling young man with long hair, a racist sense of superiority, a need to beat things up, and an affinity for archery and horses.

Is the character native just because you felt like having a native character, or do you perhaps feel obligated to fulfill a diversity quota without seeing the need to diversify charcters deeper than just in skintone? Is the character's identity as a native person important, or do you just need a character to be nigh fantastically part of the land they live on? Are you wanting to depict a rich, underrepresented culture with a lot of history behind it and love in the struggle to keep it alive when so many want to tear it from its people and destroy it, or is the outsider's understanding built on stereotypes and exotified to hell and back just too alluring to pass up? Basically, if you are a non-native creator with a native character, how much do they read like the observations of media made in Sherman Alexie's poem "How to Write the Great American Indian Novel"? And what are you, as a non-native creator with a native character, doing to understand why you may be writing them that way?

Stories about natives pre-assimilation can be good, but there's no use if the native characters are needlessly exotified and/or blatant racist caricatures, regardless of if they have a non-native (who isn't the assumed audience) to be compared to. Similarly, post-assimilation native stories don't have to be bad or even racist merely by virtue of having non-natives in a position of privilege. If people weren't so horny for our aesthetics, otherness, and sometimes frankly our bodies, and simultaneously so willing to give into the cultural conditioning to see us as lesser peoples, we wouldn't even need to have this conversation. Unfortunately that's not the world we live in. It really shouldn't be too much to ask writers do their due diligence in an era where most people of almost every imaginable walk of life has a device connected to the internet in their home or at their workplace or on their person. Sending an email or a dm or posting about asking for sources, academic or more personal, is not that fucking hard. With how wide the internet, hell even just tumblr, is you're bound to get at least three possible leads. When everyone understands that, maybe all native stories written by non-natives can be okay. I'd love to live to see that day.

[centrally-unplanned]

Here is my Comiket haul, for those who may care!

Arranged on the apartment chabudai for maximum weeb vibes. I won't go through all of them, just note a few to showcase the diversity of things that were on offer. If there is one someone wants a deep dive on, let me know, happy to take photos!

First up, the centerfold star - A Bocchi/Shimo-Kitazawa Fan Celebration doujin in the shape of a vinyl record:

Its extremely adorable, these guys went all in. It comes in an album case with "tracks", the vinyl-shaped doujin has an A side and a B side with totally different content when flipped, and when you are reading it the text slowly rotates page by page as if you are "playing" the disc.

Some of it is the circle's thoughts on Bocchi, but more is about their love for the part of Tokyo that Bocchi takes place in, Shimo-Kitazawa, with sections on show-accurate locations and favourite cafes and stores. They even included a map with all of the spots they recommend you visit in the area!

This one is to me the most "magic of doujin": we all have favourite parts of our cities, and if we sat down could maybe make a map like this. But why would we do that? Who would care? The joint power of a locally-set anime & Comiket, however, makes that personal map into a piece of art people want to own. This piece is pure creativity & passion, and its very special for that - a symbol of doujinshi.

Also one of their members spoke fluent English and aggressively upsold foreigners at the event ^_^ Successfully so! Good job.

For something a little less high concept, this tiny artbook of Rin from Laid-Back Camp as Ghibli characters is adorable:

A smol kiki, too cute. And look at her as Nausicaa! Full blue and ready to kick ass.

Its like 5 pages and each page is a gem, great buy.

This next one is a genre of book I really love - the photography/anime composite book focusing on scene locations, starring our girl Haruhi Suzumiya:

I appreciate how much fun this one has with its concept, lots of cute drawings on the margins; and the photographs are not all Haruhi related, instead it is just the author's own journey put through a Haruhi lens. This book is another great example of how "transformative" these works are, breaking the bounds of their source material.

"Hey, its me!"

Okay, now for some extreme Ash-brand doujin - Flowers for Yamada-san, a history doujin about Hiroyoshi Yamada, also known by the name Koji Kawamoto, a manga & magazine editor who played an instrumental part of the lolicon boom of the 1980's:

He passed away this year, and so this doujin is a memorial to him, an accounting of his influence and role in early manga, a wider discussion of the lolicon boom in general, and its own creative work; sandwiched between essays are comic depictions of moments of his career done in a mimicry the classic loli/bishoujo early 80's style:

This will of course take some time to read - I am excited to dig into it. As I have mentioned before, I am toying with the idea of a deeper research project on the "lolicon boom"; its, for understandable reasons, extremely neglected in western discourse of the history of anime & manga. But that moral aversion doesn't change how instrumental this period was, so I think a lot of good work could be done documenting and explaining its place. This book was an amazing find to stumble upon, and the creators are extremely well-researched on this period.

Anyway this is probably long enough lol. I did find some ero-doujin as well of course, though very few - as I mentioned, Comiket was a warzone, and I did not 'prep' for that side of things. I laughed at the idea of people doing days of research to prep of their porn buying adventure - I was the fool, they the wise, you absolutely need to do that if that is your goal. It wasn't really mine but I respect it now for sure - and I actually found the Comiket experience sort of liberating on that front, I "get it" now in a way I didn't before.

This is of course a tiny sliver of the book buys from Japan - hopefully I can make a few posts about the rest soon.

[tilbageidanmark]

MOVIES I WATCHED THIS WEEK (#192):

TRANCES (1981) is an infectious documentary about the influential Moroccan avant-pop band 'Nass El Ghiwane'. It's like 'The last Waltz' but in Casablanca. A must for fans of traditional Arabic music.

This was the first film that Martin Scorsese restored when he launched his "World Cinema Foundation" in 2007. My 4th Moroccan film. A transcendental experience [with one caveat: They gave amazing concerts to large, ecstatic crowds - and not a single woman in the audience!] This is the 9th film from the Scorsese's list that I've seen. I must remember to come back to it very soon.

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(Another concert, but of a completely different kind: Andrea Bochelli's LOVE IN PORTOFINO. This is for the folks who like to sit in the square by the water when the evening falls, dressed in white cottons, sip white wine while eating fried clams or seafood pizza, while listening to Bochelli's frothy, sentimental baritone.)

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POOL OF LONDON (1951), my 5th drama-Noir from mostly-forgotten master Basil Dearden. Sailors on leave and a jewel heist, as well as a sensitive interracial romance, the first white and Jamaican relationship in British cinema. Crisp on-location scenes and good character development.

Next: His 'The League of Gentlemen'.

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I've developed an interest in the emerging sub-genre of 'Domestic Workers’, mostly movies from South America and Southeast Asia. Many of these are fantastic; 'Àma Gloria', 'The second mother', 'Lina from Lima', 'Roma', 'The maid', 'Ilo Ilo', 'The chambermaid', Etc.

But I did not expect for the documentary YAYA (2018) to emerge as the most touching of this week's movies. A young filmmaker in Hong Kong, Justin Cheung, turned the camera on his own family, to explore their relationship with the woman who took care of him the first 22 years of his life.

Philippine Au-pairs in Hong Kong are some of the most exploited and abused workers in the world. And while his helper-maid was not mistreated, she gave up her own life to take care of somebody else's kids. Recommended! 8/10.

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FELLINI X 2:

🍿 (I have no idea why I never seen this masterpiece.) LA STRADA (1954), is the sad and poignant story of simple-minded Giulietta Masina, who was sold to 'brutish strongman' Anthony Quinn for 10,000 lire. She's a mythic, Chaplinesque 'Fool' who's being abused and mistreated as she joins him traveling round the countryside in their little freak-show. Until she dies of a heartbreak. Its tragedy is accented by Nino Rosi's sentimental score. 8/10.

🍿 THE MAGIC HOUR (2008), my second screwball comedy [After 'Welcome back, Mr. McDonald'] by Kōki Mitani, "The Best Japanese Filmmaker You've Never Heard Of". A failed bit actor gets a job to play a mysterious hit man, not realizing that the movie he's starring in is going to be 'real'. It's a lighthearted meta-film about making a movie, not unlike 'Day for night', but set in some seaport gangster-land. It's like 'Casablanca' but with a Nino Rosi like score. Includes a cameo of director Kon Ichikawa, the last before his death.

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3 MORE BY KEN LOACH:

🍿 THE OLD OAK, the latest (and probably his very last film) from the 88-year-old socialist Brit. A warm and 'humane' story full of small and heartfelt emotions, it kept me in tears from opening to the end. Ordinary people who suffer in so many ways. The inhabitants of a decaying ex-mining town can barely manage to hang on, and now they have to deal with a group of Syrian refugees - "Foreigners!" - who had lost it all in the war, and are being repatriated to their midst. Loach's films are usually about working-class Brits who's been getting the shaft for generations, and sometimes retain their humanity. And so is this one. 9/10.

🍿 “First they called you a terrorist, they they called you a hero”.

11′09″01 SEPTEMBER 11 is an anthology film from 2002. Eleven filmmakers contributed each a segment of 11 minutes and 9 seconds with different perspectives on the World Trade Center attacks. Some of the productions were better than others. Ken Loach had a Chilean exile in London write a letter to the families of the victims with the story of the Chilean September 11 attack of democracy (1973/CIA/Kissinger/Pinochet). In the Iranian segment, a teacher in a refugee camp was trying unsuccessfully to tell her young pupils about the attack. A poor boy in Burkina Faso imagined that he saw Osama bin Ladin in the market, and that he can use the $25M reward money to help his dying mom. Claude Lelouch told of a deaf French woman who sits next to the TV, but misses the news because she can't hear it. A Bosnian woman goes to the scheduled demonstration about the Srebrenica massacre. Etc. A mixed bag.

🍿 TIME TO GO is his 1989 documentary, pushing for British withdrawal from Northern Ireland. I actually don't know more than the average laymen about Irish history, so I need to take a reading course about the "Troubles" and what brought it.

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Another first watch: TRAINSPOTTING (1996). There were half a dozen films which I avoided until now, because I felt, rightly or wrongly, that they are too distressing: 'Requiem for a dream', Lars von Trier's 'Melancholia' (actually, all his movies), 'Salò', 'Funny Games' (both versions), 'A Serbian film', 'Kids', Etc. But now that I crossed 'Come and see' off this list, I also took a stab at this disgusting Scottish Heroin-chic shite-storm. Now I can say that I saw it too.

Well, I like Kelly Macdonald, and didn't expect her debut in an under-aged sex scene... Another plus, an appropriate use for Lou Reed's 'A perfect day'.

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TIME PIECE, a terrific experimental 9-minute short by Jim Hanson which was nominated for an Oscar in 1965. A rhythmic masterpiece: "Help!" 8/10.

Extra: ROBOT (1963), another prophetic Hanson short, precursor to 'HAL9000'. I'm sure that both these films will be mentioned in his new bio-pic.

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2 EARLY FILMS BY LINDSAY ANDERSON:

🍿 THE WHITE BUS (1967) told of a a taciturn young woman without a name who takes a double-Decker bus tour in a city without a future to experience some bizarre scenes without any rhyme or reason. It includes some surrealistic flourishes (A sudden tableaux of 'Le Dejeuner sur l'Herbe', a fantasy about suicide, a long tour in the library where the pompous major keeps complaining about filthy books...). But what is the point of it all?

It was edited by Kevin Brownlow, and filmed by Miroslav Ondříček, But it will mostly be remembered as the film debut of one 30-year-old Anthony Hopkins, as a German Thespian reciting Brecht. 2/10.

🍿 O DREAMLAND (1953) is a macabre documentary short about a loud amusement park in Margate, Kent, and the multitudes of middle class patrons (and their many children) who visit it without much amusement in their eyes. It's melancholy and miserable and dour. 7/10. A fun Fair without the fun. (Screenshot Above).

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"This guy is a one-man crime wave!"

FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE (1926), one of Harold Lloyd's most successful films. Including some great chase and slapstick gags.

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The first time I saw DEREK DELGAUDIO's IN & OF ITSELF, I was blown away. The next 2 or 3 times I thought it was great. There's something that compelled me to return to this Magician-"Mentlist" installation piece again and again. But after 4 or 5 times, i realize what he's doing, and his shtick is not as polished as f. ex. Derren Brown's. Yes, he has a few numbers that looks fantastic (A random audience member picks a random letter from a pile, and opens it to read a personal letter from her dying father... The final sketch where he "knows" what secret cards did each and every member of the audience had picked), but for the rest, he's mostly manipulates us with shaggy anecdotes and tall tales of personal pains. And really, they are not as profound as he wants us to believe they are.

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Hiroshi Teshigahara's HOKUSAI is a 1953 documentary about the woodblock artist, but a bit too old fashioned. I recently saw his 'The face of another', and should have watched 'Woman in the dunes' instead.

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THE SUITCASE was episode 7 of 4th season of 'Mad Men', the exact middle of the series (46/92). I've seen it numerous times, and it's still one of the most emotionally gripping. Jon Hamm will never be as perfect as he was as Don Draper. And it's pretty amazing that he and Peggy Olsen never even kissed, let alone sleep together. 10/10. Re-watch ♻️. [*Female Director*]

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"If there's one thing about me, it's repetition"...

My first by British comedian Steward Lee, his latest LIVE AT THE LOWRY came recommended by Hoots maguire, so here I am. Lee is a different kind of a stand-up: Dry, self-referential, erudite, and circular. His improvisations are jazzy. Recommended.

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2 ALTERNATIVE-QUEER ANIMATIONS:

🍿 THE FINAL EXIT OF THE DISCIPLES OF ASCENSIA (2019) is a strange - and weird - story made by one young Jonni Peppers. It is done very much in the aesthetics, and spirit, of Don Hertzfeldt's 'World of Tomorrow', although it's far from being that coherent. A confused young woman joins an all-women UFO-cult, which, like the Heaven's Gate dudes, eventually "ascends". It doesn't really have a clear message, but it has quiet a few moments of beauty. Peppers is working with Victoria Vincent, whose film 'A dog that smokes weed' I've admired. The two songs she plays are very pretty. [*Female Director*]

🍿 HOW TO FIND LOVE IN AN UNBECOMING AGE, a first film by a young lesbian about hot dating today. Could become a series. 7/10. [*Female Director*]

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3 MORE SHORTS BY FEMALE DIRECTORS:

🍿 3 MINUTOS (1999), a short Brazilian masterpiece. The phone rings in a kitchen, and the answering machine picks it up. A woman's voice is telling him that she decided to leave. Recommended. 9/10.

[This is actually the second film by Ana Luíza Azevedo I've seen. She co-directed 'Barbosa' with Jorge Furtado.]

🍿 LIKE TWENTY IMPOSSIBLES, my first by Palestinian Annemarie Jacir. A small Palestinian film crew is trying to cross a border checkpoint, and is subject to humiliating abuse by the Israeli soldiers. There were other films about the exact topic, the grinding brutality, the hopeless struggle just to stay human - "The cruelty is the point". And this was made in 2003, before the whole occupied territories turned into the big concentration camp it is today.

I promised myself that I will stop watching these traumatic films, and I will. But surprise! When the credits rolled, it appeared that this horrible true-to-life documentary was actually "Fiction"! The ugly film was so realistic, that it was a huge relief to discover it was "Only Art". 8/10.

🍿 THE INCREDIBLE THEFT OF CELINE'S BELOVED (2020), a cute French love letter to Wes Anderson. A 14 year old girl receives a surprise package in the mail. It's as if girl herself directed this story. 6/10. [*3 Female Directors*]

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2 EARLY SHORTS BY RIAN JOHNSON:

🍿 I started watching his heist story 'The Brothers Bloom', but couldn't finish it. Maybe I'll do it next week. Meanwhile I tried -

In BEN BOYER AND THE PHENOMENOLOGY OF AUTOMOBILE MARKETING, the voice of Carl Jung approaches a guy taking a shit with an archetypal explanation through the air-filter vent. The topic? The subconscious meaning of car brand logos. Made for $99 in 2001. With Pink Floyd 'Atom Heart Mother' score.

🍿 In THE PSYCHOLOGY OF DREAM ANALYSIS (2003) a young woman dreams somebody else's dreams. A student film that feels like one. 2/10.

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(ALL MY FILM REVIEWS - HERE).

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,