#its still very stressful though and thats why i was talking about it

[hecksupremechips]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

[h0neybane]

EVLEO FANKIDS!!

leona's dna is so strong. damn 😭😭😭😭 im gonna do more detailed refs later, but you can have these headshots for now!!

these are Maya and Obuya Kingscholar! they're 18 years old and twins! both are in savanaclaw as third years.

more utc (personalities, interests, etc)

(hi taru if ur reading this... im snatching this straight from our dms LMFAO)

maya's an extrovert who's very confident and she makes a great leader! she's loves talking to people and is always up and running about. shes very caring towards others and isn't afraid to show it (most of the time...) shes very sharp and witty, though her downfall is that she can get REALLY competitive. its ok she has rizz...

she loooves science, particularly biology (though she loves potionology and alchemy too). she likes to hang out in the botanical gardens a lot because she likes nature! she can rattle off a bunch of animal facts off the top of her head. sometimes when shes talking to other beastmen or mermen she'll complete a sentence and they're just like "...why do you know that." in addition to that she is very athletic and plays spelldrive like her dad! sometimes when shes stressed she'll run a mile and then go back to whatever she was doing HAHA. she also sings sometimes except shes super shy about it n' doesn't like doing it in front of anyone

now, remember when i said she's not afraid to show how much she cares for others most of the time? when this girl REALLY falls in love she becomes the most cringefail girlloser EVEERRR. shes like a textbook tsundere!!!! shes stuttering and fumbling and lord help her..... luckily for her she takes a while to fall for someone genuinely. she prefers to show her love through physical affection, gifts, and quality time.

moving onto obuya!

obuya's an introvert! he was shyer as a kid, but he's more confident in himself now. he's chill and very lax! kind of like a sleepy kitty... i just know this mf is singlehandedly perpetuating cat beastman stereotypes. he's super sleepy all the time, constantly taking naps, he probably drinks a warm glass of milk b4 he goes to bed 😭. he's basically a gentle giant! though his strength is definitely not to be underestimated. he's competitive as well, just not as much as his sister. he can get a little wild when he's excited though, DJAOSDAS.

he's very much a history nerd. u ask him how often he thinks of the roman empire and his answer is just "Yes." hes a language arts nerd too!!!! ! he loves to read..... also, he has a guilty pleasure for romance HAHADUJISAOK. he has a big stash of romance novels in his room!! he likes most arts in general, going from movies, fashion, and visual art, which he does! he paints and does digital occasionally; a friend dragged him into fandom and now he cant escape... on the outside he looks like this cool suave chill guy but hes really just. a nerd. he has his hair pushed back with a dumb headband and his glasses on and hes laying down on his stomach kicking his feet while reading MASODSAJMKALSM. he also has a big soft spot for animals! as for when he's in love, there isnt a big noticable difference from the outside. he's already a very affectionate person, so nothing may seem out of place... until you find him writing his crush's name with his surname in a little notebook aDJSIADJOAKND. obuya, like his mother, loves love, and WILL be thinking about his crush AALLLLL the time. he shows his love through physical affection, quality time, and acts of service.

maya and obuya are very close!! they prefer to stick by each other's side and have mostly the same friends. i think actually they got invitations to both nrc AND rsa; both chose nrc together. additionally, they both cook with eachother and just do daily chores and vibe at ramshackle; someones gotta maintain it after all!! they both enjoy not really having to think abt stuff, which is why they don't just do it with magic.

thats all i have finished for now!! theres still more for me to decide, and a bunch of doodles 2do, but i want people to see my twins!

tagging: @taruruchi @honeyedpearcrushh @teighveepao @boopshoops @scint1llat3

@h2llish @viperbunnies @buttholesparkles @oya-oya-okay @cheerleaderman

@qsoap @angelwishess @gimmeurmoneyagh

plus (because fankids): @moonyasnow @skibidibabygirl @justm3di0cr3 @blood-red-bumblebee @beneathsakurashade @screamintoad @babyghoul138

[brights-place]

OH MY GOD I LOVED THE VELVET ONE! UHM CAN YOU PLEASE DO VENEER NEXT IF YOU CAN??!?

Dating Veneer Headcannons

Pairings: Veneer X Reader

Warnings: Fluff

A/N: Dating veneer headcannons! Yipee sorry this came one late I've been busy with work and my personal its like so much right now that it's worrying rn but I hope you like these!

- Veneer was close to you well cause you were Velvet and his manager - He befriended you very quickly and would smile at you everytime he see's you but after awhile he realized that he always got nervous when you were around, never truly understanding his own feelings.

- He asked velvet for help and she pointed out that he liked you in an romantic way which made him shocked - He soon starts to flirt with you which always ends up with you giggling at how bad they where but you still accepted when he asked to take you on an date - 3-5 dates later you two started to date and it was amazing he loves you so much and would cling onto you - He lovess giving you small gifts he'd just straight up walk to you and hand you the gift with an huge grin on his face "(Name) I bough you an gift its matching bracelets for you, and I"

- Veneer tried so hard not to tell you they were using an troll for their talent and had slipped up many times velvet and covered his mouth glaring at him and speaking for Veneer - Veener would make sure you you get an good amount of breaks mainly because veneer likes to make sure when your on an break he could gossip with you and talk about the most random things - He finds it easier to open up to people, compared to Velvet. You specifically being someone he holds very close which was you! So thats why he gossips with you - Also loves when you get him little gifts or if you make him something he'd tear up and squeal - Loves showing of his show outfits for you - In general, he loves being around you and can’t get enough of you. You make him feel so grateful.

- He can sometimes struggle with communication he loves you and trusts you enough to speak his mind  - if he sees your sad or in a bad mood he will drop everything he’s doing just to help you even if that's rehearsals and velvet would yell at him later he wants to focus on you

- he’ll spoil you rotten the got that famous people moneyyyy! probably gets more gifts for you than he does himself

- cant stand up to his sister for himself or anyone else but when it comes to you? HE DOSEN'T GIVE AN SHIT! HE WILL FIGHT SOMEONE

- Veneer is SOOOO clingy - Clings onto you when he's tired like wraps himself around you two times (Cause he can do that bro's an spaghetti doll) - He is 100% the little spoon. Even if hes taller then you, he will make it work. - However he will never pass up an opportunity to be the big spoon. He honestly doesn't mind at all! just as long as your in his arms or he's in yours he'd be happy

- any chance he gets to hug you or kiss your face he will with no mercy…

- whenever he’s stressed he’ll just sit down in front of you and lay his head on your thighs as he looks up at you lovingly - He would literally call you all sorts of cute nicknames or just some mebarssing nicknames just not because he usually does this with alot of people but for you it would be constant and intentional while he wiggles his eyebrows - Makes stupid expressions while your sad as you giggle kissing his lips - I would say Veneers love languages are gifts and physical touch cause this man would 100% do that - likes doing your hair his hair styling skills are amazing he does it for fun like how velvet does so it always comes out great not as good as velvets though Sometimes he allows velvet to use you to test out styles she might do on herself and veneer for fun

- It breaks his heart when you’re upset, so he uses everything in his power to make you happy again. He’ll talk to you, telling you that everything’s gonna be okay. - Within a few minutes, you won’t even remember what you were sad about. - When you heard they where frauds you stared at Veneer who looked at you quickly as your voice that was in an whisper "veneer..." veneer stared at you before hopping into the car with velvet - They used an troll which was ILLEGAL AND COULD MAKE THEM GO TO JAIL! you couldn't help but stare at veneer with betrayal and sadness in your eyes - you made sure that the small troll was alright and apologized that you didn't know at all this was going on - You also scolded crimp about how she was helping them and made sure to tell the authorities crimp was also apart of it ... You ain't letting crimp slide she helped the two - Even though that happened you still visited him in prison you wouldn't lie to yourself he looks great in orange but even though you cried when seeing the Veneer hang his head in shame you wanted to hug him but the glass between you couldn't allow that

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact

[marunalu]

Hey guys

I need to make a quick update of my whereabouts and why I havent answered any asks or messages lately. But first, I want to apologiese to everyone who worried about me. It wasnt my intention to make you worry, the last few weeks (months actually) were just quite stressfull for me and Im barely online anymore. I want you to know that you guys dont need to worry and Im really sorry if you did. Life is just quite difficult for me in the moment. I bother with some health issus right now (its NOT life threatening though!) both physical and mental and I have to take a few meds every day. These meds make me very tired and unmotivated to do anything Im not forced to do. I also had a lot of doctor appointments in the last few weeks and need to visit my doctor regulary. Again, its nothing life threatening but it tires me out and I dont feel very well in the moment. Most of the time I just want to be left alone so I can rest. Plus my private life is also quite messy right now and that doesnt help to increase my health. Since my health issues also have mental consequences I decided to stay away from any social media as much as possible, because the internet can be a toxic and stressful enviroment and I have realized that I feel worse if I lure to much on social media sites. I even try to avoid world news because they make me feel depressed. Even writing this short post is difficult for me, because I dont want to think or talk about my problems.

So again, Im very VERY sorry that I worried you guys, but it also warms my heart to see how many of you asked about my whereabouts and if Im okay! Thats so very sweet of you all! ❤️ And just a quick comment about mha. Im not lying to you, but right now Im not really invested in it anymore. The manga turned into a big dissapointment for me and I pretty much lost all my interest in it. I will still check out the last chapter and Im still positive about dfo to be revealed in the last chapter. But I already mentioned in the past that I dont think anymore that dfo will have an satisfying conclusion. It would be hilarious if it turns out the afo clone theory is indeed true though, because I was JOKING when I came up with it! I think its possible that hori will not confirm the theory right out, but just give very strong clues and hints like giving us a glimpse of the holes in hisashis hands. I heard, in a recent interview hori mentioned that he likes to leave things vague so people can come up with their own interpretations and conclusions, which I cant say is a smart move. Still, Im positive about dfo. I will eventually drop a post about the last chapter and talk about dfo if it turns out canon!

You are still welcome to send me asks but it will take me time to answer them. Im also not sure what I will do with this blog when mha is done, since its a mha/dfo centered blog. Eventually I just start a new one at one point.

A lot of hugs to you guys and see ya 🥰

[natsmagi]

some more natsume gender posting but i do admittedly get very annoyed when i see people claim natsume hates things related to femininity because thats just. Blatantly not true. i did make a post a little while back talking about natsumes gender generally (might be a lil dated by now but eh), but there are some additional points id like to make

first thing being natsume very much enjoys more feminine things!! particularly things related to baking/gardening because thats what he would do with his mom when he was little!!!! (plus his newly added skill being cooking!)

with this and his undying love for his mom in mind, does it not make sense for natsume to hold feminine activities fondly? not only is he quite good at it, but it reminds him of his childhood spent with his mom!! he looks up to her alot!! and hes also thankful for the childhood he had because it makes him feel more unique. literally how does any of this read as a hatred towards femininity or his upbringing??? his mom is literally his number 1 inspiration and shes the reason he had this upbringing to begin with. Frankly the assumption that he hates feminine things just flat out does not make sense

and he doesnt even necessarily mind things like "-chan" either. though this one depends entirely on the person. for example kanata is allowed to call natsume nacchan but if tsumugi calls him natsume-chan blood will be spilt. to re-emphasize the point made in my previous post; natsumes biggest concern is being viewed as weak. he hates being infantilized more than anything. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" thats not tsumugi feminizing natsume, thats tsumugi reminiscing on the child natsume he used to know. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" it feels like hes not being taken seriously, that hes still viewed as a child, that he hasnt matured (which is also why he doesnt like being called "cute" bc. yknow. kids r cute). and this is a REALLY big insecurity of his. he hates being viewed as naive. In the same vein though, natsume is insecure about not being manly enough too (such as him viewing his inability to swim as "not manly"). Which is also a really interesting point of discussion when it comes to natsumes character! but its important to note that his insecurity in his masculinity does NOT translate to a hatred of femininity. natsumes relationship with gender is an incredibly nuanced one and its so frustrating when people dont even bother trying to read into it and just completely generalize his character

with that said natsume DOES have some internalized misogyny though. But this ones kinda hard to navigate as. well. Almost the entire cast has had some to a certain extent at some point. esp in the early stories. which could all just be bad writing. But it adds to the complexities of femininity and womanhood, how the two are often associated despite being distinct from one another. and with this distinction between the two it adds ANOTHER interesting layer to natsume and his own relationship with gender, because we know he didnt mind being raised as a girl (its just incredibly fucking embarrassing that people know about it), yet his views on gender seem kind of........ Conservative. with him assuming anzu is bad at games bc shes a girl, claiming arashis lying to kids by calling herself a princess, worried that people will view him as less of a man for being unable to swim, etc etc. Like you truly cannot just read ONE story and think you now have a full grasp on natsume and his relationship with his gender. i cannot stress enough how complex it is. but this complexity is exactly what makes it resonate. if you're insecure, it makes sense for you to develop a toxic habit of punching down in order to get higher, esp since we know natsume doesnt handle his emotions super well

this section will be very speculatory and is just my own personal analyzis, so dont take it as gospel. But from my understanding it seems like natsume does genuinely enjoy more feminine things, but hes caught up in gender expectations (potentially due to him knowing both what its like to be a girl and a guy?) that this can cause him to say admittedly quite bigoted things due to his insecurities. natsume is a character that wants to be perceived a certain way; he wants to be cool, mysterious, alluring, but as we should all know by now This is a front he puts on. he very often puts on fronts and lies about his true nature and intentions. which all reads like a fear of authenticity. i dont think natsume genuinely holds those beliefs previously listed, he is just afraid of being vulnerable and, once again, having weak points exposed. he was told to be a girl when he was little and now hes basically told to be a guy without having the Common Guy Upbringing, which can easily turn into developing beliefs of toxic masculinity if you're the type who "plays the part" rather than being your authentic self. hes being told what a man is by the world around him so he tried to shape himself into it to play the part. He can be very blunt and cruel in his words to others, but i personally just see it as a projection from his end. its an attempt at making himself seem better and manlier than he actually is by using his words where hes lacking in action. You can pull off alot of mind games with a simple sentence alone. words can paint a deceiving picture if used correctly, and natsume is a fortune teller; if anyone knows how to say the right thing to get a certain impression from someone its him

i do also think its important to note that as time goes on natsume is starting to express himself genuinely more. Just like the rest of the enstars cast; his story is one of growth and bettering yourself as a person. coming to terms with who you are and learning to let others in

either way. im not one to gatekeep but i need ppl who dont read switch stories to stop speaking so definitively on natsumes relationship with his gender or im gonna start throwing rocks at people

TLDR this shit is NUANCED and to say its 100% this or 100% that does it a disservice to me

[supermaks]

Do you maybe have like max x fernando lore? Love them and love ur blog!! <33

Max is Nandos favorite nephew and also his psychosexual angel of death in this essay i will

ok so before we get into max and nando lore we need to establish some CRUCIAL Nando Alonso historical context. When max got called up to f1 Nando had already been racing f1 cars for 14 years which first of all.😐 And like I think its fair to say the last .. umm lets be kind and say, 6 he was literally going thru like the 7 circles of hell. Ferrari had just finished doing their ✨thang✨ ((completely obliterating a drivers soul)) to the point Nando was like 'remember that team that kickstarted my descent into madness and, aha, coincidentally, the unstoppable success of the kid who beat me his rookie year and that I literally tried to snitch on and had like a spanish spy stay wid me in the garage because I was SO normal about it and hinged and not at all very um , racially threatened. Yuh ok lets try that again. Oh and its their first year wid Honda too thats PERFECT yes thats exactly what I need I'm a GENIUS'. So in 2015 he signs wid Mclaren and literally during TESTING gets fucking zapped by his own car, allegedly, c0nks the f out and swerves that mf right into the wall. We're talking testing.

Listen. Im trying to establish that by the time our fav anti christ gets to the big show Nando has been going thru it for a minute. His teams consistently fail to deliver, nothing ever goes his way, his car is trying to kill him, and like, cannot stress this enough, lewis hamilton is very successful. Lew hammy is so successful he might become thee most successful. Nando is normal about that.

So here comes the babbiest of all evil babies and nobody knows what his deal is, he talks funny and hes weird and has no regards for his public image. But he's promising. So promising in fact that he could threaten afore mentioned most successful random individual who beat Nando his rookie year. And Nando is like. vengeful adoption. Vengeful child care. Nando's imprint on baby Max is both a long term evil plan and also just like. Immediate realization that Max is different like he's different. ((Not like Lewis is different but lets not get into that rn lmfao)) Max isn't gonna be a media darling. Max isn't gonna be a celebrity. Max is gonna be an f1 champion. And Nando has spent 14 years subjecting himself to cars far below his skill so he can keep being an f1 champion. So while somebody like Seb vettel is like 'why that baby aint got no coat on' ((for two minutes before the baby bites him and hes like no fuck this baby)), Nando is like, somebody give that baby a gun. Nando gets asked about Max's readiness for f1 and says, 'I think before we say anything we should wait to c what he does'. And then when 'what Max does' turns out to be like, borderline crime, in many occasions, actual crime, Nando is still like see, he's perfect ☺️

Like for example spa 2016, Max pulls a defensive move on kimi that has people calling for his teenage head for like the 3948th time that season and Nando straight up says no he didnt do anything wrong. And bro pulls out receipts he explains that shit wid the usual Nando rulebook rizz. For max. A teenage war criminal.

Lets talk Spain 2016 tho. Spain 2016 is actually super important for max/nando lore. Max's first race wid red bull-- and his first win. Start of something new. Inevitable. He absolutely packs Seb on turn 3, same exact way Nando had 3 years before. In 2016, though, Nando's far away from Ferrari and a race winning car. Honda PU gives up and he DNFs. Still hauls ass to congratulate the kid

Its very sweet and kinda tragic and a perfect reflection of their careers at that point. Max bursting on the scene wid the potential of a thousand suns, Nando basking in the sunlight from his place on the sidelines. Its not enough but its still good because its Max and Max is his guy.

They also play soccer together once for that charity match thing in Monaco and Nando kinda stunts and yk frustrated soccer drop out max must've felt some type of way about that.

These are from hungary 2017 and I have no idea whats happening or why they're in a bean bag enclosure but I think they're important

On Max's side of things, I think Nando's camaraderie must've caught him off guard. Getting into f1 at 17 ur not really expecting to make any friends lmfao. But Nando had his back from day one, and loudly, too, and I think for somebody like Max, who was raised on loyalty and commitment and respect from an overwhelming paternal figure that gave him everything except stability, that must've meant a lot to him. Especially because it was Nando like. Max oozes respect for that pensioner bro, in a way that I dont think he does for anybody else in the game. His rookie year Max said Alonso was his biggest inspiration because he kept at it despite not having the car. Yk Max didnt have the car for a few years either. He sees Nando as somebody whos been to battle, just like Nando saw a lil soldier coming into f1.

When Nando had his nicki minaj brb moment in 2018 Max said he regretted never having the chance to race against him. He'd raced against Lewis and Seb, but never Nando and Nando was the one he used to watch on tv racing those two. Meanwhile old man is giving interviews telling people Max is the the best driver in f1 and the only reason he bothers put on f1 those days is to watch Max. ((😐))

2021 is the apogee of many things and one of them is definitely max/nando lore. Nando is back. Max has the car. And Nando will be seated. And he will watch. And when Max does win, Nando calls it 'justice'. Its so fucking intense and deranged but rn we're just focusing on the narrative and appreciating it for what it is: Nando couldnt do it, but he knew Max could, and Max did. His guy did.

I swear they've been honeymooning for almost 2 years now. Nando stopped giving a fuck a long time ago but lately hes literally like this is a Max ONLY event fuck the rest of yall. First Max's 2 titles are worth more than Lewis' 7 because something something deranged pensioner noises. Then Max has talent that you cant teach and hes always been like that since go karts and he's going to be one of the all time greats. Also we're both villains and we're not politically correct ((white men are insane)). And then Max is like yes Nando is my good friend and he talks to me and I like to ask him about stuff and I take him on my plane to races and we get on well despite our age difference because age doesnt matter. 🙂police.

Also literally one of the most important gifs of all time from last year when Max won the wdc shut the fuck up thajnk you

Which brings me to one of the most important podiums of all time. Like the lyrical poetry of this shit are u joking

This gonna be the longest season ever and who knows if it’ll happen again already in Baku or whatvr maybe it won’t but like. We’ll always have Australia 2023.

Also in the post race presser there was such a quintessential max/lando moment I need to break it down to finish this and like go jump off a building lol

So here u have classic old heads + verstappen post race presser where they get to gentle bully sweet boy until he blushes. This time it’s like Nando talking some shit about how he has to leave because he’s annoying and lewis kinda joins in like ‘he’s still talking’ and Max is all squinty and ekfkwmdk it’s fucking cute ok whatvr. But what I really love about it is that Nando interrupts Max and gives him shit but then makes sure to put his arm behind Maxs back like. Don’t get it twisted. Hes my boy. He literally does the ‘this is a pro max post’ banner irl

Anyway here’s a cute compilation bye

[newfeeling77]

my least favorite urge as a mentally ill individual is the “making people see im struggling” urge… like when i would cut myself that was in fact 90% of the reason… ik its not narcissism and the reason i think it is well thats the illness itself talking. but why do i feel like everyone needs to see and know when im going through extreme pain. ive gotten a lot better at this over the years, just from natural emotional maturation and intervening from close friends who had to tell me please stop telling me you’re going to kill yourself once a week its a bit stressful… anyway i suppose thats normal we’re social creatures and for some of us suffering in silence is not an option… unfortunately im also very vain n caught up in making sure i look good every day so even at my most depressed and burnt out i cant let myself go out in sweatpants and greasy hair. but sometimes i WANT to bc i dont want anyone to get the impression i have it easy. its a combination of wanting to compete in the suffering olympics even though i know ive got the gold already and like, i guess i get insecure abt my lack of productivity and progress (which is unfounded because i get praise in nearly every aspect of my life from my school and work performance down to just surviving this long) and i feel like i need some kind of justification i guess… like oh thats why she messed up that one thing one time, bc shes fucking insane and extremely depressed. and tired. and i have no money. or maybe it’s because im just really scared of the fact that im genuinely mentally unwell and i will be forever, like i can be doing well n smiling but i still have compulsions and bad behaviors and suffer from depression regardless of how my life is going… and i worry that in the future as i get more established and live a real adult life with a career i wont be able to like, just stew in my bullshit anymore. like i wont have TIME to be in crisis. but sometimes i just want to grab an authority figure in my life by the shoulders n say listen to me i think about committing suicide nearly every night and i have for over a decade. n then we dont talk about it

[aarmaudiaries]

ya’ll i just had the most humbling experience of my life today so i’m gonna talk about it. for context i am in a school that is 6-12th grade, and there’s like a total of like 24 kids in the whole building (this is because it’s specifically a setting for students with mental disabilities and disorders- and is small on purpose to reduce stress levels) so some of my classes are mixed with little 7th grade boys. specifically my gym/health class because i am the “teachers assistant” for some reason (i did not sign up for this somebody save me /j) and basically i was just minding my business with my aarmau meemeows on my desk because a lot of people carry around plushies as like a support item, so i carry around my aaron and aphmau ones on days where i’m having a hard time and stuff. and this little 4 foot boy taps me on the shoulder and goes “those are from aphmau” and i had a fucking HEART ATTACK. i just stared at him and went “yea. you watch her?” and he got all excited. it was very cute. so we started chatting about it and i was like “oh who’s your favorite character of hers?” and he said ein and i was like interesting choice but ok- and we started talking about aarmau since we both knew a decent amount about them n’ stuff- or at least i thought we did. i was fully convinced we were on the same page but then he started talking about what videos he watches and it hit me like a truck. he watches jess’ CURRENT content. he watches COCOMAU. WHICH MAKES SENSE SINCE HES LIKE A SMALL CHILD BUT FOR SOME REASON I DIDNT REALIZE THATS WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT UNTIL HE MENTIONED LIKE A RECENT VIDEO. so i was just sitting there hiding my absolute whiplash while he asked me if i’d seen any of the videos he was talking about- and i confessed to him that i only like her older stuff from like 2016 and he was like “oh. okay.” HE DIDNT LOOK UPSET OR ANYTHING BUT I STILL FELT A BIT BAD. nothing was worse then when i felt like i was aging rapidly though. like oh my god i am an out of touch elderly woman. pleaseeeee someone put me out of my misery or something because that was so depressing.

but the worst part was when class was almost over and i took out my wallet so i could go buy some oreos from the school store once the period ended or something- and i forgot that i have my mcd aaron keychain hooked onto my damn wallet- so i half expected this kid to like notice it and bring it up in front of everyone. which would’ve been kinda embarrassing if i had to explain to everyone in my gym class who mcd aaron was. but alas he didn’t say anything. and it took me a second to realize the reasons he didn’t recognize the damn keychain was because mcd aaron’s design is DRASTICALLY different from cocomau aaron’s design- SO THE LITTLE BOY HAD NO IDEA WHO IT WAS. WHICH WAS SOMEHOW WORSE THAN HIM BRINGING IT UP CAUSE IT MADE ME FEEL EVEN OLDER. GOOD GOD 😭😭😭 IM CRYING LAUGHING WRITING THIS TOO BECAUSE ITS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME AND I DONT REALLY KNOW WHY?? I was just humbled so bad tbh it was very silly.

ANYWAYS YEA THATS MY STORY HOPE YA’LL HAVE FUN WITH THAT LMFAOOO

[our-aplatonic-experience]

Aroace, afamilial, asensual, frayemotional(??) folk here.

Can I be aplatonic if I love my current friends? I made most of them either because of feeling obliged to or they initiated friendship themselves. I made a few out of possibly platonic attraction long, long ago as a child.

Can I be aplatonic if I don't mind people make friends with me in future? Like, I might not be platonically attracted to them, but anyone who needs help or wants to talk about interests is welcomed. If they want to call me their friend and they're not someone who I hate or have any meh feelings about, then I'll let them call me whatever as long as they're happy

Why I suspect myself being apl:

My platonic attraction lowered towards my friends. Could be burn out, though. Or could be me being frayplatonic??

Friend activities are either an obligation or a way to pass time to me. Or I just want my friends to be happy.

I don't seek friendships.

I haven't been platonically attracted to anyone for a very long time. Maybe I felt platonic attraction less than 5 times during my whole life.

I don't mind having no friends.

I prefer solitude and my hobbies most of the time.

I don't miss my friends when we're apart for a long time.

I never initiate hanging out.

I don't miss my past friendships and have no problem ending toxic connections.

I have problems with maintaining friendships, it doesn't come naturally to me and I'm stressed easily. I'm also shy.

So. Will me saying "hello I'm apl aroace I love my friends feel free to text/approach me" be incorrect/offensive/create a false and harmful stereotype/be annoying to aplatonic people? I feel like it might be frayplatonic plato-favorable, but I'm curious about other labels I don't know. Or am I alloplatonic..?

P.S. I know labels aren't that strict and are used to just help people and it's up to me to choose my labels but I still want to make sure if I'm being TOO OBVIOUSLY INCORRECT about calling myself aplatonic or not

sounds like maybe demiplatonic (also that wouldnt be offensive or anything at all) but in the end its up to you but thats what i think

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

Just general Arthur headcannons cause I can't sleep and I'm stressed

WARNINGS!: Fluff, female reader, maybe some smut knowing me so 18+ general feel good things

Tags: @kieropal @mrsarthurmorgan7 @photo1030 @cantchoosejust1 @6kaja9

My gif I made that looks like shit lmaooooo the quality dropped EMMINSELY

Arthur loves cuddles almost more than his s/o

He is very touch starved so when he finally gets someone to be with he loves to be close to them all the time

As close as physically possible

Granted he does like his alone time still and occasionally takes a few days out of camp or will sit with you but not quite all the way up your ass

When he is in a cuddling mood though he will crawl into the cot with you and place his head on your chest with his full weight, as long as you can take it anyway

He loves his hair being played with

He will fall asleep to it almost instantly

He absolutely adores the feeling of your fingers threading through it

Sometimes though he likes to hold you rather than you holding him

He likes to feel like hes protecting you, and he likes the feeling of your ass pressed against his crotch

He loves to pull you into his lap when he's sitting around the fire at camp

His favorite thing to do is embaress you, if your face is red he's happy and feels as though his job is completed.

He also loves it when after he's fucked you and he steps outside to smoke for a bit before coming to bed

If you come out in one of his shirts, and just his shirt (or his shirt and your knickers if you're a little bigger in the tummy and taller in the legs)

And you beg him to come back and cuddle you

He can't say no to your face he just can't

You're too sweet

And he loves you too much

Sometimes he comes back to camp with animals

Like a kitten or some shit

And you can't tell him no

Dutch however has no problem telling him to get it out of camp

Arthur is really hot when he cleans guns

You ask him to show you sometime

And hes so passionate about the weapons he uses

Its just so cute to watch him talk for hours about the guns he likes the best and why he likes them the ones he doesnt

But it's also incredibly difficult for you to focus on anything he says

Because he continues to clean as he explains and all you can focus on is his forearms and how they flexed with each movement of his arms

He tries to get you to do it, and he sits behind you and takes your hands in his to show you

The motion is...uh...

Familiar

To say the least

And you def give him a handy later

He has a love hate relationship with dominos

They can be really fun

But hes also more of a poker guy?

So dominos is calm and fun but poker gets people mad and thats more fun than calmly winning dominos

Speaking of poker

You are his good luck charm

And he hardly will play unless you can sit on his thigh

If you're subtle enough you can ride his thigh whilw he plays, just don't do it with Abigail at the table she can tell what you're doing even if you're as subtle as physically possible

He loves kissing you too

Like

A peck

A deep kiss

A regular one

Make out sessions

Slamming his lips against yours

He lovesssss

Any kind of kiss with you

Its his absolute guilty pleasure

(That and getting back scratches from you)

Which if you scratch hid back just right

He will literally

Just

"Oooohhhh yeah...mhm....right there, keep fuckin' scratchin'...Yessssss...."

He literally makes you wanna fuck him

All the time

On accident

He likes to hold your stomach the most

Just cause he can kinda hug you rather than just squeeze something

But if hes in a squeezing mood your thighs are the go to target

He loves the feeling of them and loves being trapped between them more

(He loves seeing his cum splattered against them the most but he's a gentlemen he won't tell you that in broad daylight....he will when he's trying to get you in bed tho)

If you put flowers in his hair he pretends to be grumpy because hes supposed to be a big grumpy outlaw but

He loves it

Lets be honest

He just loves how you always find something to do for him, regardless as to whether its something perminant or not

(Like putting flowers in his hair to help destress)

He also loves laying in your lap, awake rather than sleeping, having you play with his hair while he draws you

His horse loves you more than him

And it makes him angry

Because his horse is supposed to be his horse

Not yours

He brings you gifts

But not like

The typical ones

Like drinks for the two of you, like amazing Wine thats like EXPENSIVE

Its so he can take you out on a date out past Strawberry and get you to relax

He'll get you anything he sees that reminds him of you

Anything

I mean

Anything

The dumbest things

He'll hand you like a little tiny piece of candy

Because the wrapper matched one of your shirts

Of course he gives typical gifts too

Like flowers

And jewelry (usually stolen but sometimes purchased)

He buys you dresses too that he likes

(Lingere too, if he sees it in the window, of course he's nervous to give it to you at first but he will)

He loves it when you wear it

He loves it when you love what he picks out

And when you wear it?

Ohhhhh

It does not stay on very long

I mean

I unless theres a slit where there needs to be one

Then it stays on

But

Otherwise its doesnt last long

Sometimes it does if he's too eager cause he'll just pull the fabric to the side instead of taking the whole thing off.

He hates wearing suits

But if you convince him to

He will

Its the same with nicer shirts and vests, and ties too

But you can persuade him to put on a nice tie and long sleeve button down easy

Especially if you tell him that you think he looks extrodinarily handsome in them

He is a prankster

If you watch him carefully in camp

He causes more mayhem than Lenny or John, or Javier anyone, but he's sneaky about it

So hardly anyone ever realizes its him

But if you watch closely enough

You'll see him do the most hilarous things

Some pranks are smaller than others

Some are bigger

Like theres differences

Sometimes he tosses herbs into the camp pot that'll make the stew spicy

And then he'll sit back and watch everyone panic and rush around for drinks to quell the fire

Or he'll wait until camp is practically empty and unscrew one of the chair legs (usually the ones that Dutch likes to use)

And wait until he can catch Dutch taking a seat

He acts like he doesnt see it

But you can see him holding back kaughter to the point where he almost cries.

He didnt have a pillow before you moved in with him

And you made him get one

You also made him get a bigger and comfier cot because he's been sleeping on pretty much a sheet of plywood for like 15 years

If he cuts himself while shaving you make fun of him but kiss the spot (even though you know thst won't heal it and he does too, but he likes the idea of you healing his ailments)

He makes you get a professional photo done so he can put it on his nightstand and you only agree if he's willing to take a picture with you

He doesnt want to at first

But he's fine after you convince him

By telling him he could fuck you anyway he likes that night

(which I mean usually he does anyway, but the idea of you with your back arched and hands tied behind your back with your face in the pillow does things to him)

He takes the picture with you

Jack likes Arthur more than you

He doesnt say that

But he always asks for Uncle Arthur's help rather than Aunt Y/N

Arthur picks you up from behind and kisses your neck sometimes before dropping you, smacking your ass, and running away

Usually he hopes that you'll chase him

He loves it if you catch him and push him to the ground to kiss him

Massge him

If you though scratch his back did a lot?

Massage it

He'll lose it

"O h...Darlin'...jesus....fuck...yesss...do that....yeahhhh jus'....jus like that girl"

He literally just melts

He'll probably fall asleep if you massage him though

He'll get sleepier and eventually stop speaking but rather his words will be replaced with groggy grunts and groans

That is all for now, brain will allow the sleep now lmaooooo

Hopefully these are fun though!!!!

[cicad4s]

toma headcanons because im crazy (cw for stuff on his route + some nsfw):

he smoked in highschool:

in his concept art, he's shown with a cigarette in his mouth (in fact thats one of the only things that was changed from his final design lol). i headcanon that while he was in highschool and very emotionally silly over the heroine / his feelings towards her, he'd kind of avoid her and hang around the "wrong crowds", eventually getting into smoking. he used it as stress relief but its also had the opposite effect bc heroine would KILL him if he ever smoked.. so ? he just kind of sat there feeling guilty and depressed (as toma tends to do).

anyways he quit cold turkey at one point because he got caught by shin. shin was PISSED. he made toma swear that he'd quit immediately otherwise he'd tell the heroine what he was doing (tbh the only threat that would actually work; especially when hes still a teenager and less hateful towards shin). i think he lectured him sooo hard and called him an idiot 5 morbillion times

i feel like i need to clarify that toma was probably the lamest rebellious kid out there. like yeah he smoked but he was doing it bc it was a group expectation, not because he really wanted to.

not entirely inexperienced:

going back to toma in highschool; its canon that he dated a bunch of girls who asked him out, though i don't think he ever got really far with them. i think he's kissed like one girl out of obligation / because he felt like he needed to keep up the act or at least Try to get over the heroine; though i think he probably broke up with that girl soon after. i doubt that any girl he ever dated wouldnt notice his goo goo eyes for the heroine LOL so maybe they knew what they were getting into.

soo i dont think heroine is his first kiss (tho i do think she's his first in other aspects)

sexuality in general:

i think toma is honest to god super repressed in terms of his own sexuality and that's where most of his issues come from. this man does not see ANY (LITERALLY ANY. even nonsexual) of his desires as being normal. that's why he really was so okay with just being onii-chan... it was a safe space for him where he could live in his "wholesome ideals" of a relationship. i feel like most of his talk abt "im a man!!! im a man i could take advantage of you!!" was out of legitimate fear that his sexual side was some beast that he had to keep caged (haha) and that he might hurt the very person he cares abt most in the world. so w that in mind i really can't see this guy being super overtly horny LOL. cage ending aside while i think hes a freak in the sheets or whatever he would be so shy and demure about it all... ahhh heroine... u can't just look at me like that... kyaaa... hes the kind of guy to freeze like a deer in headlights when anything romantic or sexual happens (i like it... but i shouldn't... but i should pull away.. but i don't want to....)

i think hes a soft dom w service top tendencies tee be aich... though id love to go down on him (Who said that ?! )

he totally has a maid fetish imo. it's basically canon so like... that being said it's funny as fuck that he's like Tch... I don't want you to be a maid for other people... you'll just be a maid for me 😈 (in his bad end). like cmon man.

silly:

- i like to imagine that toma learned how to drive purely because he wanted to be able to help shin and the heroine out ... he is the reliable older brother chauffeur of your dreams. I also like to think that he really sucked ass at first though and he got pulled over for running a stop sign once.

- this is just me but i hc him with Poland syndrome 👍👍

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

i'm sure One Million Kazillion people have asked you this but if not Perpep for the ask game?

Just one more! This is specifically for Beforan Perpep. Not Bard's Collage or Alternia. Perpep

favorite thing about them Playing her is so fun. She's just a little guy. She is just a little guy, yknow? I also love how she talks. Its not the best transcribed on my part but its just cute. Her intonation is cute.

least favorite thing about them Probably just my... like. Inability to keep up with her timescale... I decided all my ocs have some time distortion shit going on with them because of my executive dysfunction. There are. several things in her drafts that are there because i wanted to draw a picture for it and never did. There are... so many...

favorite line Ok so if youve been here for a while, she once was really mad at Raveri, the other Raveri, and wrote a whole rant about him. That was funny I liked that. I also liked the time she was talking about the horrorterrors and drew one of them with her text.

brOTP Uhhhhhh I still dont really get this im ngl. An otp but platonic, so either a qppr or like... just being good friends? buddies? Well that'd've probably also been old Raveri. They were sopor chess buddies. They did sopor slime and played chess.

OTP Uh... Hm... Yknow, again, I don't really ship Perpep. I guess her alt!self Oftcas has an 'otp' with (B!)Detheo. Their wierd fuckin biuniversal asses. Postgame she has a pitch thing going on with Somati, but her whole situation makes it kind of... I think her intimacy is pretty heavily wounded. Yknow... from being a human pet. Being without a relationship after so long of it being the default is hard though. Something that happens during the game that makes this part easier, but she does feel it really intensely. It's why she gets with Somati actually. Its technically pitch and she thinks of it that way even if it resembles a pale relationship a little more because of how Perpep is. It's not entirely NOT pale on somati's part, but it is pitch. Not the angry kind of pitch though, the like... theyre two individually really chill people who start fucking with shit to compete when theyre together. Mentos and coke ship.

nOTP Shrugs. You'd probably think I'd say Perpep and her culler, but thats narratively interesting to me. Uhhh I guess she would be really bad with Alpha Detheo. Like they wouldn't mix at all and their preconceptions about the other would clash so bad i think they might just kind of avoid eachother a little bit. Curiosity on both sides, with fear twinging Perpep's and logical guilt on Detheo's. Logical guilt being like... not guilt guilt but like. Ah a version of me hurt this person in a very sick way. This has added a level of morality to my self image that is troubling and I will have to consider deeply what went wrong in my other life to ensure something like that does not happen in this one. Also I should stay away from Perpep because she definitely doesn't want any more Detheo in her life. (Not entirely wrong on that last count but not right either)

random headcanon Perpep is the cuddliest motherfucker on the planet. During her session, about from the Entering when she loses track of Cinimon to her death during the Among Us conference between her, Miyers, Respit, and Sphinx, she's really fucking nervous and crabby because of touch starvation. Thats actually part of why she throws so much shade during that little meeting. She's not got a lot of emotional skill, so when she feels negatively, those emotions leech into her other emotions like dye in water. She has a hard time distinguishing between different stressors almost. Like if her emotional state was a body, and her stress was caused by a horsefly biting her on one side, she would project the same anger in every direction. She's new to this, yk.

unpopular opinion uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh My unpopular opinion is you should go on her blog and look at the posts under #captures and appreciate those drawings :-)

song i associate with them Ohoho. Hold on let me get the Perpeplaylist Taroko by August Greenwood Death by Melanie Martinez New Normal by Jack Stauber Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown I Can Talk by Two Door Cinema Club Otherside by the Red Hot Chilipeppers Sports by Beach Bunny (Voiceclaim also) Wreckingball specifically the cover by The Orion Experience In that order. LMK if you have any guesses on how her timeline fits to those. I feel like its pretty obvious but I am also the writer so yk.

favorite picture of them

This is stil the funniest thing ive ever drawn i think. She flashbanged herself poor fishie.

This one which is still way detailed. Im kinda sad no one ever asked about the collar, to get a closer look at the picture, the bullet, the rook, the tiny grub hons, the necklaces, the bident, or . any of that. I also planned to have it be more obvious that those are *somati's* clothes. If you look in captures you'll see his dad's dead body. Thats where she got the sgrub disks. College and Exec disorder got in the way of the pictures of Snapdad i planned for Somati to post... I might end up redoing that though. Shrug.

And obviously this picture from her postgame band on Continua. LOOK At her. she is such a sweetie.

[vanana-r0tat3]

some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

[art-the-f-up]

Hi, its the anon who talk about writing your Palestinian Hero AU. First, i wanna say thank you for your answer. I was really unsure about writing it bcs its a very serious topic. But like you said, we have our way to show solidarity, and i wanna show it through this fic based on your AU.

So id like to ask a few questions about the AU first for me to implement into the fic (since this is your AU after all, and id like to get it as close as possible to what you envision):

1. Does Laaiqa and Ahsan know each other as civilian, and do they know their identity.

2. What do they do as civilian. You dont have to answer this one if you feel like its sensitive or painful to answer

3. Do you mind if i add extra heroes? Don't worry, i won't use all the miracle box 😂 maybe just one or two. Im also gonna change how miraculous holder got chosen work so it will make sense why only so few miraculous were active during the G word.

Thank you for your time and words. I'll see to it that this fic get finished and may it brings Miraculers to also help stop this G word.

Hello! Best of luck to you, it's no pressure okay? I don't want you writing a fic thats got you all stressed instead of motivated or excited haha. The point of fanwork is representation and entertainment.

Laaiqa and Ahsan do know each other's identities, but they did not know each other as civilians before meeting as superheroes. They are mostly vigilant, so they don't come out in public as much. Which is why the public has, on their own, created the names Ladybird and Black Cat (in Arabic) for them. They call each other by their first names.

Laaiqa still lives with her mother in a small apartment in Jenin, and rarely gets to hear about how her father is doing in prison. Ahsan lives with one of his family friends in Gaza, working part time with his friend's dad in his shop after he lost his family and home. (I took this one simply out of one of our own tribal cultures. I realized many Palestinian values match that of our tribe and in our case when a single family member is left one of the families of the tribe take them in as their own. Most cases the child then tries to help in some chores/job even though he is not forced to but it is just a form of gratitude on his part. Pity on any individual is forbidden and is considered dishonorable but that's just me and I'd love to find out from a Palestinian if this is okay.)

Of course you can use whatever heroes you'd like haha. I didn't set this AU up in a specific timeline, I just took it out of what Palestinian life has been like these part 75 years. But yeah the basic message is just their resilience and strength no matter the situation.

[juni-ravenhall]

do any of you guys have adhd and specifically experience having like, a lot of negative feelings (anxiety, guilt, stress, fear, anger, sadness, etc) that you feel like you have to distract yourself from because youre so overwhelmed that you cant cope with your everyday life and your long-term goals and commitments? like, almost every single day the brain is chewing away at stress / negativity to the point that you cant do anything, cant stay on top of responsibilities, but try to find relief with outside distractions like shopping/partying or alcohol/drugs?

(this is how im imagining it as a non-adhd-haver. im trying to understand to help someone.)

most of the things that i see about adhd are for a type of personality who have a lot of fun ideas, fun thoughts, curiousity, "ooh shiny" about new ideas and new information. not about experiencing constant stress and negative emotions churning and bothering your peace of mind, and fun distractions only being in the external world (going shopping, partying, etc).

i have asked them many times to try to get diagnosed and to get mental health care and therapy but so far they havent gone, which im assuming is a symptom of feeling so overwhelmed and negative that they just dont handle their everyday tasks like booking appointments or paying bills etc. which is obviously a problem. im just at a loss if there is anything else i can do than keep push them to get healthcare.

i understood today that there is a thing with adhd and feeling "misunderstood" - feeling like the things you say are taken the wrong way or that you dont get why something was hurtful until later after youve already said it. which feels uncaring for the other person - why didnt you bother thinking whether or not this was hurtful before you said it? dont my feelings mean anything? - but for the person with adhd it can just be hard to have the foresight and control before you say something even though you didnt want to be hurtful. and i mean, its normal to sometimes make mistakes and say sorry, but what im talking about here is more a pattern of behaviour that comes across as hurtful and disregarding of others' feelings in a really unfair way.

and im understanding now that this constant feeling of being misunderstood or taken the wrong way in itself is also overwhelming? trying to "do the right thing" when your brain is kind of a cloud of either "ooh shiny" or negativity and youre not really calm enough to think before you talk or to make the best decisions and actions? so there is a combination of the brain activity itself being overwhelming and distracting (in this case with negativity rather than fun thoughts), and then being overwhelmed by the results of the behaviour (hurt person on accident again, was misunderstood again, facing consequences of not paying bills, etc) and trying to "be normal".

it helped me to get a new perspective on it to understand this "overwhelming to be misunderstood" thing. i mean, i also get misunderstood a lot and i hate it, but im still in control of my actions and my words and will learn from what happened. i will remember what happened last time to adjust what i do next time. my plans for today are relevant to what i want to happen tomorrow. and if you have stuff in your brain spinning around and chewing and chatting and cant clear your mind enough to take care of your responsibilities and make smart choices and say good things, then yeah, thats difficult and i can understand that.

but i also feel very helpless in what i can do besides ordering them to go get diagnosed and get therapy and treatment but they havent gone so far. (and again, personal assistant or friends and family that hold their hand and help them handle responsibilities and make good choices would be great but its not realistic right now.)

[webginz]

i had the worst shower ever. i was like, tripping out. reminded me of my "episodes" i had in middle school. just like voices and not knowing where i am. and not being able to get back to reality.

well now im on my way to the dentist, theres no way in hell they wont be able to notice i was just crying. (from fear of going to the dentist, not from the shower thing lol)

im so scared :(

[took out a part here but it was just about stress and disordered eating things from this morning]

then i got to the dentist and it sucked. long dentist story ahead

okay dentist. everything that couldve gone wrong, went wrong.. i tried acting normal, and we had small talk or whatever like normal dentist x ray stuff, but she could instantly tell something was wrong with me, i guess.

she gave me a health form to fill out. i was still chill and this point and was like oh yeah i have blood pressure problems but its only if im up moving around!! so not doing that at the desntist hehe amirite?! i also checked anxiety and i think thats what she wanted. just personal confirmation everything was gonna go wrong.

after she learned i had anxiety, she was nice, too nice imo... like i was a child. im okay with that though i guess. (i mean.. she could definitely tell i was just done crying)

she was like "the xray blanket is heavy and could help with ur anxiety" BUT I WANTED IT OFF AND COULD BARELY TALK SO I JUST NODDED. it made me feel so overwhelmed immediately. THIS IS WHERE EVERYTHING STARTED GOING BAD

im also just constantly aware of my hair and when you lean back on the stupid dentist seat my hat falls off. its like LOOK THE FREAK WHOS SCARED OF THE DENTIST AND PULLS OUT ALL HER HAIR!!

whatever. so there i am on the dentist chair. bald spots for the world to see. xray blanket sensory overload. sunglasses on top of my regular glasses. but im pushing through.

she starts using the tool on my teeth. a metal vibrating thing that sounds like a drill. my worst most awful fear is high pitched drilling noises. if im in a good mood i can put up with them for a bit, but obviously todays not that day. i try not to freak out, but she notices and asks if im okay and im like "yah" (with tears)

but then my mom comes in and shes like "can you not do it a different way?!?!" "shes freaking out" and just making everything WORSE. (used the chaos here to get rid of the dumb xray thing)

ive been on and off hyperventilating through all of this btw... i heard one of the dentist ladies say "shes crying and breathing really fast..." which was like. kill me now please god.

so back to my mom asking "can you not just do it a different way?" they do have a different way btw. without the scary machine! but then dentist lady says "she used this machine the last 2 times she was here? we dont have enough time to do it manually." (proof i was just having a bad day and i totally can be normal!!! but hearing this made me feel awful like i could feel all the dentists were thinking "she did it fine last time why is she carzy today?!?")

she then asked to step away to find the MAIN dentist lady.

at this point i was crying shaking hyperventilating and felt like i was gonna throw up from nervous energy. also my mom is pestering me a bunch (shes concerned but making everything worse, her hearts in the right place tho ily mom)

so big boss dentist lady is here. she says she looked at the xrays (from the beginning, remember?) and i have A GAZILLION CAVITIESSSSSS!!!!!

she says for my dental things from now on i should go to a SEDATION DENTIST!!!!

i was so out of it i didnt even know what to say. well now i do!!!

im not usually that scared. i was having a VERY BAD morning.

the dentist i go to now is all women. the sedation dentist is a MAN, that none of the women there had ever met. I HAVE TO GO MEET A MAN TO SEDATE ME SO I CAN BE ALONE WITH HIM? SO HE CAN DO MY TEETH? i might have a silly joking tone to this post but with this im being so serious. im scared as hell that thats just gonna end with me being raped.

i dont like male doctors/dentists/anything and always have my mom with me when i have to. there was a female assistant when i had my endoscopy and female nurses when i had my surgery. i dont want to be alone, asleep, in a room with a man i dont know. JUST BECAUSE IM SCARED OF THE DENTIST???

god i keep seeing stuff in the corner of my eye as im writing this. i think my psychosis is coming back for some reason.

every things going wrong today and forever

pls like/reply this post if you read it all im sorry for my ranting