#its so funny i love it so much ive spent like a week just looking at these

[umblrspectrum]

i love this brand of image so much

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

Re: the zan post and her projection, i'd love to hear abt that one👀👀👀👀👀q

YEAH IVE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABT THIS

so basically smth that becomes v notable looking through the in character tweets by zan regarding the other dream friends, is shes v competitive n has quite the ego abt herself:she can recognize n acknowledge others skills rly well but her conclusion is either "well im better (angry)" or "well im better (excited to beat them)", this gets taken to a new absurd when introducing adeleine, where she immediately starts talking abt how shes hiding behind her canvas like a child n therefore does not know ~the path of strength~ n can never beat a ~battle-hardened warrior like herself~, n then she proceeds to keep downplaying adeleine even when shes showing new skills n seems excited to fight her after noting ado n ribbon were dancing around like its showing her some kind of lesson.generally she seems to take anything she perceives as weak or cowardly rly personally

so i was thinking like.i feel theres smth to be said regarding her strength fixation? when you take her backstory of having attempted suicide at a young age into account? suicidal ppl often feel helpless n weak, specially when theyre again, v young, so i could def see this all started from her trying to cope w that through just becoming the strongest n most confident, specially when her role in the cult was hyness' choice, so hed likely be giving her a lot of positive attention from succeeding in combat, smth she seems to rly want (from one of her playable screens) bc she absolutely adores him n would consider his opinion n approval like holy words (kanji used in jp straight up implies she idolizes him n generally anything regarding her feelings on him is so extreme in the original text lol)

so her issue w adeleine is just.ados a weak child who hides a lot, which feels like looking at a mirror to her bc thats her spitting image of when she was like that, which zan absolutely despises bc she spent so long "fixing herself" from that n the only way she can rly process this is by projecting n thinking theres smth inherently wrong w adeleine so she keeps bringing it up n up n how much better she is until she.i dont know honestly i doubt shes going anywhere w this beyond trying to make herself feel better by deciding to fight her lol.iirc adeleine has a splash effect w some of her attacks which zan is extremely weak to bc shes literally kept alive by electricity so i doubt ados in any real danger of getting beaten up

which brings me to smth i wanted to bring up bc as always extremely amusing zan has this huge ego shes a super strong warrior when her boss fight is designed to have multiple oversights regarding safe spots or spots where shes vulnerable to attacks n in the jp pause screen its said she uses her speed to "toy" w her foes like shes so sure shes got this shes messing around for her own amusement n she throws a huge fit when she loses n blows up the station w the cults own allies inside n laughs at your face abt it.thats just so funny oh my god.shes not even as good as she claims n shes a violent sore loser abt it

oh n ig this makes her weakly calling to hyness for help when she loses the second fight hit even worse since shes so confident shes so strong but at this state shes resorting to believing hell save her again.thats lovely

tl dr zan partizanne wants to beat up a child bc like most kirby characters she has a weird ego but shes getting mentally ill abt it.idk sorry ado but hyness hasnt complimented her in like a week n shes getting unstable

[suffarustuffaru]

Out of all the fanfiction you've ever written which one is your favorite

ooh good question anon :o mwuahaha probably self-l - *gets shot*

but anyway jokes aside i thinkkk my favorite fic out of the ones ive written probably changes to be like. the most recent one usually, just bc thats like what i wrote in the present and i usually try to really look over my writing before i post HAH.

but i do like a good number of my fics in different ways - im super fond of every collab ive ever done, they were super fun and i love working with pals, i also think ashes ashes (that one pride if subaru fic i made about his first 82 ish loops) was an important milestone for me bc it was the first time i wrote That much and really tried to extrapolate stuff from rezero canon so it's a big accomplishment for me!! kite academy also took a looot of work and juggling different stuff and it May be only one ch1 finished but its a really great piecee of work - and genuinely fics like self love i spent a looot of time on doing research and trying to figure out how to write. Everything. in it for my parts of it (you dont wanna know the heinous things i researched while writing that LMFAO). also genuinely people tell me they still like a lot of my older stuff too which always warms my heart.

i think my current top favorite would probably be Natsuki Subaru and the Tale of the Lost Names though :> it is like. 32k words of pure chaos with one of my favorite richard siken poems in it as like an excerpt and it was really Really hard to write for a variety of reasons and bc there was so many different things to tackle and handle with actual nuance but the end result i feel is pretty complex with a lot to look into!! i heard a lot of feedback on that fic bc i turned it in for a fic contest so a bunch of different people gave their thoughts on it so!! i thiiiink it got the intended effect i wanted :3 i remember rereading it a few weeks ago with a fresh mind bc i havent looked at it in so long and i was like GODDAMN HOW THE HELL DID I DO ALL OF THAT - bc its superrr funny to me most of my writing process was the messiest notes ever paired with me writing about 10k or so words in a whole week while high on dr. pepper specifically <3

also ig shoutout to hot potatoes. its my most popular fic still (i totally get it, its an rbd reveal fic HAH) but also like it's spread through my friends in this fandom like a virus. same with self love. except self love was like mostly my fault but like one of the funniest things thats happened to me in this fandom was definitely MULTIPLE MUTUALS QUOTING MY OWN FICS BACK AT ME...... this is like the stop posting about amogus rezero meme video all over again (i say this with love). but other than that i do appreciate how much people seem to like hot potatoes and a lot of my other fics!! and i definitely really enjoy the art my cowriters have made with our collabs <3

and shoutout to satellite. one of my proudest achievements (writing emilia content that i Like <3).

thanks for the ask anon hope you didnt mind my yapping :3

[xamaxenta]

More soft marcoace stuff bc I love themmmm

Ace notices after a while of them being together that Marco tends to spend more time than usual in his Phoenix form whenever hes stressed/anxious/overwhelmed/overworked/just having a bad day- it's easier to avoid small talk when you're a bird, and easier for marco to defend himself or those he loves if they fall under attack, or if someone is just annoying him the Phoenix has much less qualms about just squawking angrily in someone's face. Ace notices that Marco's spent the majority of the day in bird form, and when its finally time for them to turn in for the night, ace makes his way to Marco's room and softly knocks on the door. Marco's perched on the edge of the bed, still in his bird form, feathers ruffled, talons fidgeting with pent up stress. Ace brought a peace offering snack, just a bowl of seeds and nuts and berries, things he knows the Phoenix likes, and he sits patiently on the bed next to him as Marco pecks away, and when hes finished Ace motions for him to come closer so they can snuggle. Marco eyes him hesitantly, gives a questioning little shake of his wings- silently asking if it's ok for him to stay transformed like this. It's okay, ace tells him, just be yourself, whatever that feels like right now- and the next thing he knows hes got a lap full of very happy bird. Marco sprawls over him, cooing contentedly, resting his beak against aces neck to feel his pulse. Ace gently strokes his feathers, straightening them out, and marco melts under the attention. Marco drifts off, finally calm after a hectic day, and Ace can't help but conk out shortly after. When he wakes marco is curled around him, feathers nowhere to be seen, snoring softly with his head pillowed on aces chest and looking more relaxed than he has all week <3 (I'm sorry this is so long and rambly I'm just insane about them and I have no one to share with 😅😭)

THIS IS SO ADORABLE WH

Thank you for being insane about them and for sharing with ME bc i love them too much

Ace would never turn Marco away if he wants to remain in phoenix form, if that’s what makes him comfortable and keeps him sane and decompresses him then why not? The part about being a phoenix and having an excuse to be nonverbal is so cute but also has a potential to be super funny considering Marco can project his voice normally when fully transformed

But i like to think it takes conscious effort to do that, so its why no one has questioned it, besides its always uncanny to see a gorgeous bird hanging out and then its beak opens and this dudes voice comes out no lip sync nothing like thats probably wild af to see and experience

Also Ace LOVES how soft n light Marco is in phoenix form, NOW HE can put his arms around him all the way

Not that Marco doesnt try with his magnificent wingspan but Ace takes feathers to the facr and merges through the flames by becoming fire himself

Lidsten… lissen… listen… the way that Ace can actually merge physically with Marco is legitimately the most romantic thing ive ever encountered for a pairing ive enjoyed it consumes my thoughts constantly its so intimate yet can be platonic and purely emotional and personal to them

I loveeeee

[myopicry]

I've already sent you an ask (more like a ramble on aesthetics and its relation to women) around a week ago, you're probably inactive atm (which isnt a bad thing btw!) but i'm gonna send another thing in (something unrelated to my last ramble lol).

now that i've spent time both in radfem/"terf" spaces and trans positive/inclusive(?) ones, i've noticed how scared the latter are of being even *slightly* associated to the former. it's oddly funny and kind of silly when you think about it. ppl have talked about this before but i'm referring to stuff like "op is a terf" and "terfs dni". the latter has been especially poignant to me recently for some reason: a trend ive seen is that ppl often write that in their bio after having created a post which some radfems or GCs reblogged/engaged with and they've used the classic "so terfs have come across this and i just wanted to let it be know that i dont like you guys" (altho worded much less kindly). it's like they're *terrified* of being perceived by ppl who share their views as even just somewhat affiliated to the "other" in any way, shape or form. or they're terrified of the other following them and interacting with their content. it feels very defensive and overly "loud" to me, idk?... the "op is a terf" has been talked about a lot in the radfem/GC spaces, so this might be a shorter section (update: it's not, lmao), but as that one post said: "it's a thought terminating cycle". I think that's one of the reasons i haven't checked out what the hell these "terfs" were actually saying and arguing (apart from screenshots of JKR tweets) for so long. it rlly proved to me how engaging with media from other "sides" is crucuial, even if you probably wont agree most of the time. if anything, i think i just wanted to be a good ally: i love debating and i wanted to know how to respond to "terf rhetoric" better. i remember feeling surprised by what i saw, not feeling the immediate "this is illogical and bad" feeling, and having trouble arguing against certain points. i couldn't even find good counter arguments from other ppl. and then there was a domino effect (altho i havent adopted all radfem and GC POVs and dont consider myself as a radfem or rad leaning/GC). even some trans friends of mine were surprised when i reported my findings to them. i'll stop here even though i can talk about this for much longer, but those "terfs/radfems dni" bios rlly stick out to me now and made me think lol. hope to see you back soon! ~🪼

hi hi! apologies for the delay! I did in fact spend some personal time offline, it was quite nice and it is probably a much healthier thing than spending most of my day on tumblr lmao but I can't deny I did miss speaking openly about my opinions on things, especially certain observations that I absolutely would not be able to discuss with my irls unless I wanted to sit them down for a multi-hour lecture just to make sure I wasn't misunderstood ^_^|||

anyway I just saw both your asks (eloquently written as ever!) and will respond to this first just because I saw it first lmao. not much to add other than maybe rambling myself about some of my own similar experiences and what not. you've put it into words great though! there is almost this "mystical" denouncement of terfs/radfems/gender criticals who are mislabled as just radfems etc. within trans spaces, and as I've looked more and more into "terf" ideology this kind of hatred really does go back far, to a point where it's basically impossible to even mention radical feminism or gender critical feminism without immediate hostility. like a sort of legend or custom, being wary/outwardly hateful of the demonic terf. maybe this is why when I heard gender ideology being likened to a religion, the analogy really clicked with me, because on some level trans-inclusive spaces really do make terfs feel like "the devil", some root of all evil, the parallel to the "divine" that they liken themselves to. I'm fairly atheistic myself in regards to just religion in general, so understanding being gender critical as essentially "gender atheism" helped me realize how logically flawed and slightly harmful a vehement belief in trans ideology could be, just as a non-critical perspective on any religious ideology can be.

I definitely relate to the point of basically falling into the radfem rabbit hole accidentally. I don't really feel like I'm properly a radfem or especially an activist (I do just write what's on my mind and that I can't really get engagement from my pre-existing social circles lol) and I honestly got into the ideas not through radblr but imageboards and forums through my bad habit of looking for material to "invalidate" me as some kind of "doom-scrolling" practice, but instead of finding blind hatred (even in the most niche of internet corners, where the ideology does get radical indeed) I found logical, cogent arguments and reasoning for why these people were so against gender ideology. I mean, yes, there was still hatred, but there's hatred on every corner of every internet space, and it also made me realize how my belief in not committing "thought crimes" by even entertaining "terf" rhetoric was simultaneously making me blind to the genuine flaws and ickier aspects of the trans + queer community that I was just sort of ignoring with cognitive dissonance. as a woman and someone with really god awful people-pleasing habits, I was unfortunately quite good at ignoring things that made me uncomfortable in order to maintain social acceptance and a good reputation in the eyes of others, and even if I don't share every radfem or gc belief, I can't deny being exposed to them all was absolutely integral to unraveling some of that unhealthy behavior.

based on my personal experiences, it is really actually quite disheartening to see that "radfem/terf dni" thing happen so much online. you really can't expect to never challenge your own thinking. in fact, challenging your preconceived notions is the only way you can grow as a person in your personal philosophy and conception of the world. I get it though, it is probably scary to engage with the "forbidden fruit" if your whole self-proclaimed all-accepting community says that this is one thing that is absolutely intolerable and will get you kicked from this welcoming "club". I will say, having opened this proverbial pandora's box of theory, I get a bit more angry and cynical at the state of the world (how did I never notice the staggering affects of misogyny before?), and I get a bit more sad that I'll never be able to have that unquestioning community with people who are supposed to understand me. I wonder if there are more people who would honestly be able to understand the nuances in critiquing gender ideology out there, but they fear that ostracization too. if by some random chance anyone like that ever reads this exact post (lol what are the odds) I always like to remind people that a burner email and account on something like tumblr is incredibly easy to set up!

alright, lemme get to your other ask because it is really interesting and thanks again for visiting!! I genuinely missed engaging with this kinda stuff offline, and I also get tired being the one to drip feed new ideas to people in person. it's really nice to just get a nice well written insight to engage with unfiltered (well, as unfiltered as a tumblr post under a pseudonym can be lmao)

[aryanightshade]

IV.

This Episode of Stranger Things is Called: Floor Is Lava

-

{you have four new messages}

“Hey, Eddie. It’s Wayne. Your Uncle Wayne. I was surprised to hear from you. It’s been a while. I, uh, you didn’t leave a number to call back, so I asked around town about you. Heard you’re renting a place from the old sheriff. Thought that was a little funny. You know, with how much you gave me the runaround as youngster. … I hope you’re doing okay, son. If you wanna talk, you know where to find me.”

- - - -

Eddie doesn’t puke from nerves, but it’s a near thing.

It’s Wayne.

Checking in.

It’s an immediate upset to the already delicate emotional equilibrium he’s managed to achieve after freaking out Steve’s porch, and it makes him spin in circles, frothing with panic, like an animal with its leg caught in a steel trap, drawing blood from his own panicked movements.

Wayne.

Wayne found him. After Eddie had made it so goddamned difficult, too. After he gave Wayne a virtual middle finger when he vanished into the night without a word with nothing but big dreams and his own teenage arrogance.

Damn that stubborn old man.

Eddie steps out onto the porch, hovering under palter shelter offered by the eaves from the summer rain, and sucks down cigarette after cigarette until his fingers are frozen and shaking and his pack is empty.

I hope you’re doing okay, son.

Wayne found him. He called.

Down across the yard, the Harrington house is still and lightless. They must be out and about, playing in the water. Eddie flicks his last butt away, watching it spin in lackadaisical circles in a puddle before vanishing between the boards of the porch. Why did Wayne call him back? He doesn’t owe Eddie anything. Anything at all. Eddie was only ever a nuisance, dumped on Wayne’s porch by Indiana CPS when his dad got arrested for his umpteenth DUI or whatever other shit he was involved in that week. Growing up, Eddie spent more time in Wayne’s trailer than not, and those months not being ping-ponged between shitty apartments in Indianapolis were definitely the most stable stretches of his life by a long shot.

Until now.

He sort of owes Wayne a response, doesn’t he?

That being said, Wayne and Eddie are two people astonishingly ill-equipped to have an emotionally probing conversation about anything.

Oddly, Eddie finds his conversation with Steve ratting around the inside of his brain, clattering like loose change in a dryer. About staying here. In Hawkins. About toughing it out. About this being worth it.

He makes toast for El, then a piece for himself, turning the nauseating idea over in his mind. If they stay here, in Hawkins, for longer than a few months, and that’s a big fucking if, then Eddie has to deal with this. He can’t just keep pretending Wayne doesn’t exist.

Eddie knows Wayne cares about him, deep down, under all the tough love and gruffness. He’s not stupid, but a little part of him, the part that’s a total fucking coward always looking for the easy way out, was sort of hoping that maybe Wayne had given up on him completely and they would never have to have this conversation. The whole sorry I disappeared and got a girl pregnant even though I’m a flaming queer and got then got addicted to heroin after she died because I didn’t know how else to get it to stop hurting conversation.

Yeah.

That.

Right.

Eddie shoves the rest of his toast into his mouth. It tastes like glue.

Read on Ao3

[chryblossomjjk]

hi kiki !!! im pretty new here and this is the first ask i’ve sent but i just wanted to pop in and say how much i adore not only ur writing but just u in general !! both practice and imagine are incredible n i could go on and on about how much comfort ive found in ur writing and ur characters but we’d be here for DAYS… weeks even 🫣 idk how to explain this exactly but u do such a wonderful job at making the story and the characters so beautifully human… like ofc most stories keep it as realistic as possible but when i read urs i literally feel like im living the experience or watching the ppl i love from the sidelines yk?? its just so REAL and RAW and i cant get enough. when i tell u practice couple have me by the NECK like ive reread it so many times already and i find something new to love about it every single time !!! i hope everyone finds a love like theirs, truly.

and as for u, U ARE SOOO PRECIOUS. ive spent the last few days catching up on kiki lore just bc i wanted to get to know u better aside from ur works and u have stolen my heart actually !! ur so funny and down to earth and i can tell just how much u love writing and interacting with everyone and something about u and ur page is so warm and cozy and refreshing 🥺 i hope ur taking care and that u always find things that bring u joy in every day, even if it’s something little!! u deserve all the good things this world has to offer and as a new follower i cant wait to see what the future has in store for u and im so happy to experience this little journey!! and i hope u never forget how loved n valued u are, u have a beautiful heart and dont let anyone ever tell u otherwise!!

ill wrap this up bc ive already made this so long but thank u for all that u do 🥺🫂🫶🏻 u work so hard to create these amazing stories for us and i hope u know we will never take that for granted ! always remember to rest and put ur health first, i know life can get crazy so it’s important that u look after urself !!!

p.s. - so excited for the weekend i could pee my pants. u have no idea.

not sure what emoji i should go by in ur asks… hmm… maybe ⭐️? or is that taken already?

lots of love to u!!

ummm soooooo

idk what tf i've done to be deserving of such a sweet message but im literally tearing up while writing smut what have u do to me friend akejndajdnsajn

first of all, thank you so much for being here and sending in such a sweet fucking ask. i hope you're enjoying your time on here so far my love!!

and this is probably one of the biggest compliments ive ever recieved about my writing. its so reassuring so thank you so so so so much ugh! its so incredibly difficult to make things feel/sound realistic. i often mull over the same scene and dialogue over and over and over again, wondering if the conversations feel normal, or if the dialogue feels right for that specific character, so your comment literally means everything to me!! and it makes me so happy that you care about the characters like im literally fucking gushing!!

AND EXCUSE U NO YOU YOU'RE PRECIOUS AND YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD NO STFU YOU NOT ME YOUUUUUU!!!!

I LOVE YOU SO DEARLY!!!

i generally feel like i am a very annoying n extra human being lol so thank you for sticking through n reading my posts and yeah :'(( i do really love interacting with people on here and i try my best to make this blog feel as safe and inviting as possible so im it makes me saur soft that you feel that way and ugh i cant i dont even know what to say other than i love u sm my lil star friend :'))

[blissfullybloomed]

Letting Go

October 2024, Ohio - The leaves are in peak season. In case you haven't been outside in a minute. 

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening, whatever time you seem to find yourself reading this blog. 

I haven't written in a while here, life has been lifing. 

If you’re just tuning in…lol, I watch too many Youtube Videos with my boyfriend, you'll love to know that this blog is about my journey, your journey, our journey together but separate through this little game they call life. 

I think my last blog entry was almost a year ago, December 2023. 

2023 was wild, and the previous 5 years were wilder…(hmm, is that a word)

It's funny, I keep saying that 2023 was the year I transformed into some sort of “better” being…but man, I feel like I could say that about 2024 as well. I think that's a lesson I had to learn quite recently actually…being better has no end date. We constantly strive to be better, even on the less productive days…we're still learning(being still isn't our strong suit). Did you catch that? Being better or improving has no end date…nada. The only way it does have an end date is when we stop trying to be better. We all know what happens when we stop trying. It's not a good look. Temporary pleasure for long term pain….Ehh, I'd rather not. So…we take a real deep breathe and blow it out, maybe take another one…and take a step forward. 

Okay, enough preaching…lets chat about so many things…you know I like to talk. 

First topic, lets talk about letting go. I'm pretty sure Ive spoke about letting go before, but I know I havent talked about it in this light. So buckle up…its going to be bumpy. 

We, as humans, are social creatures. Some of us are on different levels than others, but inadvertently we are all social to some extent. Example: Gaming Online with friends(introverted activity/social concept). Another example: The obvious social butterfly who goes home alone. We all have different versions of what social looks like. 

I almost forgot where I was going with that, but here it is…our social interactions are NEEDED to let go. We have to do something different to let go. We have to put ourselves outside of ourselves to let go. 

It doesn't matter what or who it is that you are trying to let go. You can't negate your human nature. It's impossible. No one can sit in a room by themselves for an extended amount of time, and not go insane from lack of socializing. It doesn't even have to be vocal …just another person's presence brings your serotonin up. 

Being social is in our roots as a species. So with that in mind, I want you to ask yourself this question: “ How can socializing help me move past Xcompany, Xspouse, Xhouse…etc.” Well youd get a job, you might meet someone new, and your house may get an upgrade….BUT, all of those things require you to let go of what or who once was. 

You get the point. 

Here's my “bloomed” story. The short one. 

I have faced 2 big hurdles in my healing journey. 

I have reconnected with my mother, we spent a week together, and were cool. As you know, that's huge for both of us. Wild ride getting there…like years long….but we did it, and I think we're in it for the long haul. Weve both done different things that we had never done to make sure our relationship stayed in tact. Even when we both wanted to walk away. I think the biggest thing that really showed me that she wasnt full of shit was the fact that her actions were bigger and louder than her words. She helped a friend of a family member that I NEVER thought she wouldve done….thats dope. She flew back for my birthday with like 3 days notice(I have a flair for the dramatics)...that was dope. She met Zach, and slept on our couch! YEAH! That right there gave me hellllllllla anxiety…but it was dope too. 

So, in all seriousness, momma…I love ya. Life is hard, but without you it would be so much harder. I mean that. 

Second thing, It took almost three years…but I went back to Myrtle Beach. Yeah thats different. So many reasons that y'all already know of why I couldn't go there…I just needed more time or something. OR so I thought.�� 

Listen, the drive was about 10/11 hours, but my favorite part was the last hour. I drove through a city I hadn't seen in over 5 years, and the funniest part….when I saw it…I just started laughing. 

I couldnt tell if it was my anxiety making me laugh or the fact that I was a better human fucking being entering this city now 5 years later. I think it was a combo of both honestly. I cant begin to describe what that felt like…I'm trying... .I can't find the words. Speechless. Hmm, maybe profound is a word that could describe it. 

Anyway, I knew at that very moment that I could do this trip with no problems at all. I forgot how much I loved the south. All of it, even the heat…to a point. 

What a relief. I let go. I had let go before I even knew I had let go, because I refused to test myself . I was so scared of things I had built up in my mind that would definitely , not probably, happen. I knew I'd run into my ex husband somewhere, in a town full of tourists, and millions of people…that was an irrational thought that dictated a decision I made. I knew, without a doubt, that I would remember the pain of losing my sister as soon as I entered South Carolina. That didn't happen either. I saw shiny roads, pine trees, and the ocean….as she got to experience those things too. Mom was so good at making sure she was included. 

Irrational thoughts and manic actions had in one way form or another prevented me from letting go. Letting go of the what if’s, and just being present. Remembering that I had loved the ocean before I got married or divorced. South Carolina wasn't a failure…it made me grow. I literally wouldn't be who I am today….without South Carolina. So my mom inadvertently helped me discover one of the biggest hurdles I've dealt with since my divorce.  Kinda dope she did that too. 

HA! I said it was short, I lied. My bad. 

Alright, what else is there to update? Zach and I are doing great. I could probably write a whole page about that man…but I won't embarrass him like that. Just know, he is still IT. I knew it the moment we met. Funny…I can't remember what I ate for dinner last night, but I can remember what we both were wearing the day we met over a year ago. Damn, I love this man. 

We've taken some trips recently that were pretty dope. We do so much together…I'm truly happy about that, as we've both said work gets in the way of hanging out. Das love right there. Like actual love. The kind where you both put effort in to make it work. I feel we are extremely lucky , we understand each other in a way no one has ever understood me ... .sorry family…but not even you guys. He just gets it. All of it. I get him too. Our lives intertwined at the perfect moment for both of us. We needed each other, and still need each other. 

Okay, okay…Ill stop gushing. I tend to do that often. 

Moving forward…the thing I want you to take away from all of this- learn to let go better. Learn to let go permanently. Do it for yourself. Think of all the time you're wasting not doing something different to overcome whatever IT is. Be selfish. Choose YOU. You're the only one that can do the work …and honey, its work. Every day. Every decision. Damn near every thought has to be pushing you towards your goal of letting go. 

I want to end with this poem by Stefanie Briar, “ Surrender” 

One of the hardest lessons

Is learning the difference 

Between when to hold on

And when to let go. 

At some point, 

We have to trust

That souls know their way home. 

What is meant for you will find you ….

And stay. 

I think that sums up pretty well how to view letting go. This was good today. I appreciate you taking the time to read…and hopefully youll think of something you can just let go.

[1d1195]

sam you are the sweetest person in the world actually, thank you so much🫶

STEAL MY GIRL MUSIC VIDEO IS SUCH A NICHE THING I FEEL LIKE ITS ALMOST AN INSIDE JOKE it’s sooooo funny every time i watch it i’m just laughing SO REAL WITH LOUIS AND THE CHIMP i remember watching it for the first time and seeing harry in the fucking trench coat and genuinely getting worried like “hmmm it’s too hot for that, hope he’s okay😕” BABHSHAHAHAHAHA zayn and the sumo wrestlers ALWAYS gets me

IM ACTUALLY LAUGHING SOOOO HARD AT THE "SAMANTHA -🎶" YOU GET ME😭😭 i think i read all dolcezza like the same week you posted the last part, and it’s a good thing i did cause ooooo girl….😮‍💨😮‍💨you woulda drove me crazy

I THINK I SAID THIS ONCE BUT IM NOT SURE AND IF I DID IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO BUTTTT THE SERIES THAT BROUGHT ME TO YOUR PAGE WAS ACTUALLY MADE TO BE🥹🥹🥹🥹 and i came from PART 1 !!!!! (ironic considering my aversion to waiting lol) i tuned in every week to read the new part and back then you were updating on sundays and i stg i would get soooo giddy (i was in SHAMBLESSS between chapters having to wait a week😭) and yea…after that series ive been stuck here like a leech LMAO

on the topic of waiting on chapters i started traditional like right after you’d posted the second to last chapter and O.M.G. AHAHAHAH ITS SO FUNNY LOOKING BACK BUT I WAS ACTUALLY GLUEDDD TO MY PHONE👀👀 WAITING FOR THE NEXT PART CAUSE THEY HAD GOT IN THAT FIGHT AND I WAS SOOO HOOKED and then i woke up one morning and it was out, guess how i spent my breakfast & coffee time😭

i’m just rambling at this point BUT YES !!! YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW APPRECIATED YOU ARE !!! i remember back then i wasn’t doing the best and lots of things were changing but i always looked forward to reading the newest chapter. i read in one of your recent asks about how you decide what you write based on engagement (which makes total sense) but you feel like you get a lot of non-interacting readers. this is true and it really sucks but i guess it’s the reality of posting on a website like this. however, i will gladly take the time to say what they won’t and AHHHH SAM YOURE AN AMAZING WRITER I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR FEEDING US YOU MATTER SOOOO MUCH MORE THAN YOU KNOW 💕💕💕💕💘💘💘💘💘💝💝💝💝💝💖💖💖💖💖💖💗💗💗💗💗💗

i cried while finished “Love & Other Words” 😪omg i didn’t see that coming but it was SOOOO. GOOD. like….i sat and stared at the book with a small smile after i finished it kind of good. i will DEF been rereading that I LOVE THEM😭😭 THAT SCENE WHERE HE SAID “I’ll take anything you give me. Is that pathetic?” I SCREAMED they’re so precious and i looooveddd the way it was written!!! i just sped through it and i love when books feel like that

it has also been storming here, like so bad the electricity went out a few weeks ago and if u go out when it’s sunny you will melt. not a fan of summer right now🙄 SO happy to hear you’re feeling more relaxed, hopefully that stays till at least the end of summer. pasta is yummy !! i like my pasta dishes w a lotttttaaaa cheese :)) ive been boring too, dw. just a lotta reading on my end cause i am notttt in the mood to talk to anyone lately, vry antisocial (i also started my period last night ??? maybe that why lmfao😭)

sorry for this behemoth of an ask, thank you for chatting HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY LOVE YOU <33333333

~🎶

I DREAM about Harry in that trench coat. A fashion icon. I love him so much in that (and everything). I totally forgot all about the sumo wrestler piece of it I was so focused on the chimp and Louis. Louis' smile in that is my FAVORITE thing in the world. It was SO pure.

hehehehehe well, I'm happy to report that Part II of Most will be up tomorrow afternoon. She's longer than I thought I could do but here we are. After writing it, I think Part 1 and Part 2 would be a good read. I don't think it will drive you crazy the way Dolcezza would have drove you crazy.

OMG. I apologize if you DID say it, but I feel like this is new information to me. I'm so so sorry if I forgot. BUT STILL. I haven't thought about Made to Be in a REALLY long time 😭 I loved it for so long after I finished writing it. It was a huge part of my life. You've been here for a while, that's so cute and nice to hear 💕 I'm so glad you liked it

You are so so sweet. I am so grateful for you compliments.

IS THAT PATHETIC made me want to SCREAM too. I love Elliot so goddamn much I could CRY. He is my ideal man. My new story is Love & Other Words coded for sure 🙈 I didn't mean for it to happen but then I think I told you I got it back from letting my sister borrow it and I couldn't stop rereading the whole "I'm pathetic part" like OMG I'm 😭😭 so distraught about it STILL. Everything about that book is perfect.

I am summer's least favorite fan. The heat makes me so sticky and gross feeling. Also, I don't look good in summer clothes (or I feel gross about myself, whatever) ANYWAY. I love a good antisocial mood tbh. I feel so obligated to be on and around everyone all the time. And what's worse is I let myself be available. I JUST started getting better at not checking my work email outside of work hours. My sister and mom need me LITERALLY all the time. My bf and I are home at the same time so I just never get a MINUTE to myself. I have to like hide in my own apartment to get any alone time. So yeah. I can't get my brain to shut off lately to read but I've been doing some hard work on the writing here so I'm hoping that will help--also been doing a GREAT job binging TV. I think I just want to keep reading romance stuff and not all the like "interesting" books I've bought and haven't read 😭 It's the only way I'm going to get through this bookshelf of mine 😂

I love the chatting and the long asks so no need to apologize or thank me. I hope you have a fantastic Monday! LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💕

xoxo

[dustvoid]

05.07.24

thought I would not write in journal for a change. feeling so flat and defeated at the moment. so lost and frustrated and overwhelmed. underestimated how hard it would be here. still can't find a job and think I just chose a bad time with the election and it being summer and the market is slow. I just don't want to waste anymore time any money being here without a job but I don't want to go home and have it all be for nothing. I don't want to have come here for nothing. I'm really making a dent in my savings and it's starting to stress me out. I hate worrying about money but ive only been here 6 weeks and ive spent so much already. I know majority has been on rent which is astronomically expensive, but I had hope id maybe have some money coming in by now. I know I can't call it yet, but if I don't have a job by the time this sublease ends I will have to. I can't just spend all of my savings living here but sitting around and doing nothing. waiting. I hope it doesn't come to that because at this point id probably do anything. funny how a few weeks ago I was the opposite. but desperate times. its rainy and gloomy. a rainy summer. which I think is not really helping my mood, but at least I don't have to feel bad about staying in.

I thought that back home a lot of the gay community held themselves to high standards but over here it is something else. back home you can have an average to fit body but here I feel like you can't be gay if you aren't fit. I havent felt this low about myself in a long time. you never really notice it until you start looking back and reflecting. I know that bodies change and that's inevitable and the pandemic didn't help either. before it all happened I was stick. I was probably too skinny. a couple years in I was still quite slim, and then the last few years my body has changed a lot. I'm glad in some part because I do want to be stronger, and I have filled out a bit, but I only really noticed how bad body dysmorphia can be. I know I'm not big or overweight but I have too much body fat for my bmi. I know it probably happened in the pandemic because naturally we werent moving as much and lots of people were in the same boat. but I think my metabolism is shot. my diet has not helped either. I am a bored eater. I love to snack when I'm bored and it's a terrible habit. I don't really eat when I'm sad or for comfort, but I will eat anytime when I need something to do. and now I just feel like I'm paying for it and I feel even less comfortable in my skin. I have never been that confident but now it feels worse. I am trying to change it. I have signed up for personal training and I just had my first week but I have no idea how im going to afford it, especially if I don't get a job soon. realistically I shouldn't have done it because of my financial situation, but when I saw I was at risk because of my body fat I felt like it needed to be done. I want to look good and I'll admit that openly. I do want to feel good as well. I'm trying to change my diet and snack less. I think I have been walking at least 10k steps a day so it's a bit disappointing that I dont feel or look any different. which could be from my diet before I changed it. diet is so important and I wish I could have just changed that earlier. but I am starting now. its sad but I feel like ill have more of a chance meeting someone in better shape. its just how the world works. its not like I can't meet guys now, but you are treated better when you are fit and you attract more guys, its how it is. at the moment I feel like the guys that like me I'm not interested in and the guys I like are not interested in me. but who knows why really. its just that pretty much every gay guy here has a decently fit body and I feel like I need to change to at least have some chance. ive always wanted to improve my fitness anyway. if I can improve my diet and follow the training then I should be on track to lose a good percentage of body fat in 4-5 months. which at this rate is not long at all. time is moving so fast, soon it will be my birthday and June will be over. I will probably spend my birthday alone but it's only my 28th birthday. maybe I can take myself out to somewhere nice. if it was on the same day as my netball game I could've at least asked some of them out for a drink after, but sadly its the next night and I don't know if I will feel close enough to any of them by then to ask. I was hoping id at least have someone by now, a flatmate or friend to hang out with. it's just another day, kind of how ive always felt about them anyway. I think my plan is to return home before my and all my friends 30th birthdays in 2 years. which is wild to think about. of course this could change and I have no idea what will happen until then, but I think 2 years is a reasonable amount of time. a lot can happen in 2 years.

-H.

[starrystar]

Transcript:

29

Purple speckle background

Also, I could just not look at social media if I wasn’t in the mood.

SB: Not today, Satan! …unless you have cat videos.

Caption: What was actually exhausting were all the people who wanted to badly to help. But I hadn’t even started chemo yet! I didn’t need anything, but I didn’t want them to feel I was rejecting the fact they cared about me. This was a minefield for someone who always felt like emotions were messy and a lot of (frequently unnecessary) work. When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I had wanted to be a vulcan. 

Some days it felt like people were being supportive at me. 

30

Gray background with gold veins

My husband got hit with it too

MR: It’s really exhausting being constantly cheerful and upbeat and appreciative in public.

SB: Tell me about it. 

MR: Like, I really do appreciate it, but I feel like I’m always on. 

SB: Yep.

MR: …wanna watch cartoons and not talk for three hours? 

SB: I love you so much right now. 

31

Yellow and orange

But none of those people were wrong! A lot of stuff was very useful!

Caption: It was just that we couldn’t ever get away from the bit where I had cancer. Eventually I overcame my reluctance and put up an Amazon wishlist of chemo supplies so that people could help. It was gone in five minutes. I cried a little bit about that. 

Ironically Bob had stopped hurting. If I’d procrastinated a few weeks longer, I might never have caught it. 

SB: Bob, you poor dumb lump, if you’d just been patient, you coulda made stage four and had all these lymph nodes for yourself …

Ursula, stop pitying the murder ball. 

32

Pink bubbles. The pink is like Pepto Bismol pink. Or maybe pink ribbon pink, coincidentally! 

I didn’t actually pity Bob, but I also didn’t really hate him. (I still wanted him gone, obviously.)

SB: We’re comin’ for you, Bob. 

There are a bunch of mental health resources online for people with breast cancer. They all appeared to be for people who were not me. 

Note: There is certainly no reason I selected this color for this panel what are you implying how dare

33

Purple swirly

Quotation: You may feel as if your body has betrayed you.

SB: No, I feel like I’ve got a squirrel living in the attic and I’m waiting on the exterminator.

Quotation: You’re a warrior! You’ll kick its ass! 

SB: Again, squirrel.

Quotation: You may feel like cancer has taken away your dreams. 

Wiggly speech bubble: For fuck’s sake, people, it’s a fucking boob squirrel! 

34

Green with veiny lines like leaves

There was also a really complicated one about how breasts were sources of food and comfort and nurturing and the deep, fundamental betrayal of having them become a source of death instead. 

SB: Is there a way to simultaneously acknowledge that some people have this experience and it is valid, while also chopping my own nipples off in horror?

MR: Pretty sure that’s a breastfeeding thing. Don’t worry about it. Please give me back the butter knife. 

Meanwhile there were still more tests.

MD: This particular chemotherapy is very hard on your heart. Fortunately yours is in great shape!

SB: Woo!

35

Red and kind of fleshy, veiny background

I started mining the techs for novel material

SB: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen?

Tech: Oh, I couldn’t say…

SB: I’m a horror author. 

Tech: Okay, so we get IV drug users in who get infections in the heart. It looks like giant boogers. 

SB: Whoa.

Tech: And when the valves open, they whip around like snakes!

Note: The second I said “horror author” she came out with this. Techs are great. 

36

Light blue and swirly with some gold 

Every ultrasound tech I talked to hated doing fetal ultrasounds

Tech: It’s always “is it a boy or a girl? Is it a boy or a girl?” Lady, I’m trying to make sure it has a brain!

Every RN is Rutger Hauer saying “I’ve seen things you people can’t imagine.” 

RN: Ask me again after you’ve had chemo. 

SB: Aww…

But as I spent more and more time getting poked and prodded and scanned, a funny thing started to happen…

37

Yellow and shining

I started to feel healthy

Every trip to the doctor was always “lose weight, get this number down, lose more weight, exercise more, change your diet…”

Caption: But the oncologists were used to seeing very sick people, so they thought all my numbers were spectacular. 

“You’re so young and healthy!”

“Thank goodness you’ve got some padding for the port!”

“Everything’s in great shape!”

“Have you ever been sick?!” 

38

Teal and swirly

I started to forget I was flabby and middle-aged and remember that I climbed the 300 steps of Potala Palace and didn’t drop dead*

SB: It would be nice to experience this without the damn boob squirrel. 

Then the thyroid ultrasound came back and brought me back to earth. 

MD: You’ve got a 2.2 cm nodule on your thyroid. 

SB: What? That’s almost an inch! Where has my neck been keeping it?!

MD: We recommend a biopsy. 

*A fact which still amazes me

end

The Saga of Bob, Part Four: Feelings Are Weird

Part I

Part II

Part III

(I kinda suggest starting at #1 for Very Important Context, but hey, you do you.)

Transcribers, you continue to rock on toast.

There is certainly no reason I selected this color for this panel what are you implying how dare

The second I said “horror author” she came out with this. Techs are great.

Potala Palace is 12,300 feet (3750 meters) above sea level.

I realize this last feels like a cliffhanger, but it’s one for me, too. The thyroid people are short-handed and it’s still another two weeks, at the time of posting, until they take a look at it. (I have been told that thyroids sprout nodules like whoa, that thyroid cancers are super treatable, and that it probably is nothing to worry about. Me, I just wonder if my body is collecting these like Pokemon.)

Tune in next time for Part 5, same crab time, same crab channel!

[starryemeralds]

HIHI ME AGAIN RWBY ANON

ive watched episodes 2 - 4 so i wouldnt spam your inbox with a bunch of asks dhdh

ANYWAY they were such fun and cute little episodes. I JUST LOVE IT WHEN RUBY AND YANG FIGHT AND IT JUST. LOOKS SO CARTOONISH AND 2D I LOVE THAT A LOTTTT

also PLEASE come on i think i wrote the same thing in the same last ask but why does ruby seem like she has adhd. that or. she has the energy of four 13 year old girls inside her body and every second she just. EXPLODES IT AND IS SO ENERGETIC DHDHDH yk

OH OH AND.

VOMIT BOY 💕💕💕

SHE ACTUALLY CALLED HIM VOMIT BOY I CANT DHDHDH I LITERALLY POINTED MY FINGER AT MY PHONE AND REANACTED THE LEONADRO DICAPRIO MEME HHDHDHDHD

im so glad rooster teeth gave me a shout out this is so unbelievable 🙏 /j

"i dont need people to help me grow up.. ! i drink MILK !!"

every episode, ruby becomes more and more like me fr fr <3

oh and. blake and weiss <33 I DIDNT HAVE WEISS TO HAVE RHAT PERSONALITY DHDHDHDH i thought she would be more like. THE POLITE AND RESPECTED ONE DHDH but it seems that her family business isnt. VERY RESPECTED

anyway theyre being sent off into the sky and have to use their "landing strategy" to not die so. uhh lets see how that goes shdhd WELL you already know but. yeah you get what i mean

OH WELL IM SO INTERESTED TO SEE WHO RUBY GETS PAIRED UP WITH I FEEL LIKE ITS VOMIT BOY BUT AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL LIKE ROOSTER TEETH MIGHT GO hmmm no captain america referance i dont think i will

oh one other thing. this show has. so far made me laugh so much every episode and i congratulate it for that its so easy to make me laugh but i wasnt expecting to laugh THIS much dhdhdh

BYEEE TY FOR INTERACTING WITH ME

HELLO RWBY ANON!!! my apologies for the late response, i just spent the last week finishing my semester - BUT FREEDOM NOW!!!

BUT YES! THE BEACON DAYS ARE SO MUCH AND SO SILLY,,, I miss them :((( and ruby ABSOLUTELY has adhd,, she told me herself LMAO. she's just so energetic and excitable, a literal ray of light -- she is everything to me. hold onto her, cherish this while you can LSDKFJGHSDFG

AND VOMIT BOY, JAUNE!!!!! TALL LANKY SILLY BOY. HE IS ALSO EVERYTHING (there's a pattern here, just assume that everyone in the main cast is everything to me because they are)

AND YEAH, WEISS IS,,, A LOT AT FIRST. SHE'S SUCH A BRAT, BUT IT DOES MAE ME CHUCKLE A LOT. ITS BEEN YEARS, BUT I STILL CONTINUE TO QUOTE HER V1 LINES ("it's 8:55 you dunce!!!!!!). SHE REALLY IS THE ICE QUEEN, AND WE LOVE HER FOR IT. she does get development later on though!

im also laughing at myself about your thoughts about who ruby is gonna get paired with.... hehehehehe

AND YEAH, LIKE I SAID EARLIER, THE FIRST THREE VOLUMES ARE MOSTLY JUST SILLY GOOFY TIMES AND I MISS IT SO MUCH. I'VE RECENTLY BEEN REWATCHING THE EARLY VOLUMES AND THEY LITERALLY HAVE ME CACKLING OUT LOUD, ITS SO FUNNY. i also forgot how quick the episodes are in v1, ITS CRAZY. i can't imagine being in the fandom during this and having to wait a week for a 5 minute episode HAHAHA

my apologies that my thoughts are everywhere in this response, bUT I HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO ENJOY! :D

[notjohnlegere]

HI!!! I loveeee your lil fics so much! I was just wondering if you could do one where the reader is in a relatively new-ish relationship with Timothee and he’s staying over and the reader puts on an old tour tshirt of like a hot male singer to go to bed and Timothee is like, “Damn do I have some competition?” And its super fluffy. THANKS XXX

Hi! Thank you so much and thanks for your request! Now, let me preface this by saying I know you said conventionally attractive male singer but when the thought of Ed Sheeran popped into my head it was too cute and funny to let go. I think this turned out adorable though! I was laughing to myself the whole time while writing it!

———————————————————————

Competition?

———————————————————————

Competition?

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

soooo fluffy my heart almost couldn’t contain itself. this is one of the cutest and funniest things ive written in my opinion.

*obligatory mobile formatting apology*

———————————————————————

You were so excited you felt like you couldn’t contain it. Finally, finally, Timothée had a day off. You were still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, getting used to one another, adoring every little quirk. You had been together for 3 months, but due to the nature of his job it felt more like 3 weeks. You had many sweet FaceTime moments with him, he made sure of it, but it just wasn’t the same as being face to face. Holding him in your arms was an entirely different experience than blowing kisses to a phone screen.

He had come home two days ago. He had an interview to do yesterday, but today he was all yours. When he had told you that he was yours tomorrow, too? Your heart nearly leapt out of your chest. Two days in a row you were going to have his full attention, you couldn’t believe it. It felt like heaven.

You had spent the most wonderful day together in your apartment. Doing nothing, talking about everything. You held him, he held you, and that’s all you needed. All you could desire in the world was staring into his gorgeous eyes. So that’s what you did. You cooked dinner together that evening. It felt so domestic to cook with him. You might’ve been stepping way too far way too soon, but you couldn’t help but imagine your future. I would love to cook with you for the rest of my life.

After dinner, you felt the evening drawing to a close, but you didn’t want it to end. You fumbled with the idea while you washed dishes, before you finally gathered the courage to say it while you were putting them away.

“It’s getting late. Do you want to stay over tonight?” You felt so shy. What would he think about your idea? Was it too soon? All your thoughts, though, were shattered when he smiled at you and spoke up.

“Sure.”

Now here you were, doing some last minute preparations in the bathroom. He was in your room. He was in your bed. You felt like you could vomit at the thought. Your heart raced as you imagined him under your favorite blanket.

Brushing out your hair, putting on some extra deodorant, and brushing your teeth, you finally felt prepared. Well, as prepared as you would ever be. You tugged on your panties and your favorite oversized tee shirt. You wanted to be as comfortable as possible, but still look cute. This is really happening. I am about to spend the night with my boyfriend. Your thoughts raced. You had so many questions. Did he snore? What were his sleeping patterns like? Would you spoon? Would he mind if you lied on his chest? You brushed these thoughts aside, though. They would be answered soon enough.

Shyly, you made your way out of the bathroom and into your bedroom. You felt your heart stop. There was your boy, just in his favorite sweatpants, lying on top of your bed on his back. His phone was in his hands as he shuffled through different songs, made evident by the fact he was connected to your Bluetooth speaker. Of course his sweats were tucked into his socks.

You crawled into bed next to him and lied down, leaning your head against his shoulder. You took a peek at his phone and your face visibly flushed. He was going through a playlist that was titled with your name and a shooting star emoji. He must’ve taken notice to your gaze because he glanced at you and spoke up.

“Whenever you hear a song and say I love this song! I add it to this playlist.” He admitted. “Or if you just start randomly dancing to a song? It goes in here too.”

You only blushed harder. Fuck you, Timothée Chalamet, you perfect creature.

“I didn’t know you paid that much attention to the music I like.” You said. He smiled.

“I am well aware of your obsession with Mr. Sheeran.” He said with a snicker. His eyes glanced down at your tee, which just happened to be a divide tour tee. You gasped.

“I am not obsessed with him!” You shrieked, lying straight through your teeth. “I don’t like all that gushy romance stuff.”

“Riiiiiight.” Timothée said, playfully rolling his eyes at you. “He and I aren’t gonna have a problem, are we? Do I need to ask him myself?” In an instant, he was opening the Instagram app. He pulled up the all-too-familiar teddysphotos account and opened a chat.

“Don’t you dare, Chalamet!” You yelped, jumping onto him and reaching for his phone with embarrassment and desperation. His phone slipped out of his hand, and with a crash, the both of you were on the floor. Your face was red and he was a giggling mess.

“I gotta scope out the competition!” He shouted through a fit of giggles. You wanted to slap him. And kiss him. And love him.

“He is not, I repeat not, your competition.” You fussed.

“Okay, okay.” He said, putting his hands up in defense. He was still giggling like a child.

“Thank you.” You huffed.

A moment of silence was shared in between the two of you when his giggles calmed down.

“Harry Styles?”

Timothée let out a yelp when you slapped him on the back of the head.

———————————————————————

ao3 is johnlegere, find my fics there too. requests are open, send one in my ask box! hope you enjoyed :)!

[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 5

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: implied smut, angst is back

--

The next 2 weeks were amazing. Bucky really turned everything around and showed you that he was committed to you. It made you feel so much better. While you felt bad that he now completely avoided Dot, because she is still out of place, you didn’t feel that bad because you knew she was bad news. Whenever she saw you and Bucky together she would scoff and glare at you. It made you uncomfortable.

One day the whole Avengers team was called into a meeting to discuss an upcoming mission. Per Steve and Tony, everyone, except you, were needed. You didn’t like the thought of staying behind with Dot in the compound, but you were a team player, and wouldn’t argue. Bucky on the other hand let Steve have it with both barrels.

“Steve you know the situation with Dot. Can’t someone else stay behind?” he said to Steve.

Steve sighed, “Yes, I know this will be difficult, but everyone else is needed for their skill. Y/N’s skills aren’t needed on this mission. She agreed, so why are you fighting me on this?” Steve argued back.

“Of course Y/N won’t fight this, but I am trying to protect her from Dot. You remember how vicious Dot can be, and I don’t want her to upset Y/N when we just started to get back on track,” Bucky said.

“Look Buck, I get it. I do. But this is how it is. The compound is big enough that Y/N won’t need to be anywhere near Dot. By the way, when are you going to tell her that she needs to start looking for employment and another living situation. She makes everyone uncomfortable. Even Tony is starting to get annoyed at all her questions about FRIDAY, and he loves showing people how smart he is,” Steve asked.

“I-I don’t know. I mean I know I have to do it, especially after what she’s pulled, but I still feel bad for her. I mean she didn’t ask for this to happen, and doesn’t deserve to be thrown out on her ass, but I know it’s the right thing to do. I’ll talk to Y/N about it and see if she has any ideas. Maybe if we help setting her up I will feel better about it,” Bucky said.

“Yea, I know. Let me know if you need help. But we gotta get packed and head to the quinjet. And please don’t worry about Y/N. Your girl is strong, and she knows how Dot is. She will be fine. Besides, we are only gone for like 24 hours, what could happen?” Steve asked.

Bucky didn’t respond and watched as Steve walked out of the meeting room. He ran his hands through his hair, what could happen? He hoped nothing, but he didn’t trust Dot. It’s funny the way she is acting now didn’t bother him when he was in the 40s, but now, because of you, he sees that she is not as great as he thought.

Bucky sighs and heads to your shared room to find you packing his bag for him. He smiles as he walks in, “Hey baby,” he says.

You look up at him and give him a bashful smile, “Figured I would help you out,” you said.

Bucky walks up to you and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace. He looks into your eyes, and all you see is love and admiration in them. He leans in and connects his soft lips with yours. After a moment he deepens the kiss and you feel his tongue on your lower lip. You open you mouth in response, allowing him full access. When the need to breath becomes too great you pull away, panting.

“You’re only going to be gone a day,” you say with a chuckle.

Bucky also laughs, “Will you be ok? Here? With... her?” he asks.

You brush your hand through his soft hair, “Yea. I’ll stay clear of her as much as I can. But I’ll be ok,” you say.

Bucky pecks your lips again. “When I come home, I was wondering if you could help me with something,” he asks.

You look at him with confusion, “Like what?” you ask.

“I think it’s time for Dot to go off on her own, but I don’t want to just kick her out and make her fend for herself. I was thinking you could help me find her a job and a place to live? I would just feel better if I know I wasn’t kicking her out with nowhere to go,” he asks.

You smile and nod, “Sure. I’ll be glad to help. I’ll start while you’re gone,” you say. 

Bucky kisses you one more time, “I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you, Doll,” he says.

“I love you too, Buck.”

--

You have to say you are surprised when you find yourself not running into Dot at all. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to be near you either, which is fine. She has spent most of the last 24 hours in the lab, while you stayed in your room looking up possible jobs and apartment for her. 

You thought it was nice of Bucky to at least help set her up and not throw her to the wolves. It was something you admired about Bucky, his big heart. You both have been texting before the mission, but since then you haven’t heard from him. You hope everything is ok. 

“FRIDAY, any update on the team?” you ask the AI.

“No agent, I’m sorry,” she responds.

You decide to take a nap in hopes that when you wake up your boyfriend will be home. You want your family home safe and sound.

--

You woke up to the sounds of the team in the hallway. You walk out and see Nat and Wanda and hug them hello. You head toward the common room hoping to see the guys, but don’t. You walk back toward the elevator and heard something from Dot’s room.

“Oh Dot, I’ve missed you so much, Doll,” you hear Bucky moan.

You gasp in horror as you continue listening to Dot moan and beg for Bucky to go harder. You can’t help the tears that begin to fall as you hear your boyfriend and his ex having sex.

“So good baby, you’re so good. Taking me so well, you feel amazing. No one is like you, I love you so much,” Bucky moaned.

You’ve heard enough and turn, running back to your shared room. You can’t be near him when he comes in pretending he didn’t just fuck his ex. Your heart is in a million pieces as his voice continues to play in your head. All you hear is her and his moans and his words. He loves her. It will always be her. Maybe you just need to learn to accept that.

--

“Buck, I think you should have told Y/N you got hurt. She is going to be worried about you,” Steve scolded.

“Look, I know my girl. She will be mad at first, but then she will nurse me back to health. I will have to convince her to ride me later, but it will be so worth it,” Bucky says with a smirk as the doctor continues to pull out shards of shrapnel from his side.

“Seriously man? TMI!” Sam complained before leaving Medbay.

Bucky laughed and then hissed as the doctor pulled another shard out. “How much longer? I don’t want Y/N to think I’m dead if she knows we are back,” Bucky asked the doctor.

“One more piece... and....” she pulls the large piece out, “There! Now I will quickly clean and bandage. no stitches cause you will heal fast, but please no sex tonight. You might bleed all over her,” the doctor said with a glare.

Bucky and Steve laugh. “Oh I talked to Y/N about helping me out with Dot and she agreed. I figured it was best to have her involved with that situation from now on,” Bucky says to Steve as the doctor cleans and bandages his side.

“Good idea, less messy that way. I hope everything went well here with the 2 of them,” Steve says.

“I’ll find out,” Bucky says as he puts his shirt on. 

Both men walk to the elevator and head to their floor. They say their goodbyes in the hall as Bucky opens the door to your shared apartment. You aren’t in there, which confuses him, but he figures maybe you went to the kitchen.

When he walks into the bathroom he senses something is wrong. None of your toiletries are there. It was different from when you cleaned, plus his was still there. He walks back out to your room and sees that everything on your nightstand is gone too. Now he starts to panic as he goes to the closet and sees that all your clothes are gone. He tries to not have a panic attack because that will slow him down. He goes to head to the door and sees a piece of paper on the floor:

Bucky,

I guess I’m the stupid one. I’m stupid to think that everything you said to me was true. I was stupid to think that I could compete with your one true love. I was stupid to think that you really loved me. Well I won’t be stupid anymore. No need to lie and say what I heard isn’t true. I hope you and Dot are very happy together in your new apartment, but I’m done. Have a nice life.

Bucky dropped the letter and fell to his knees as tears pool down his cheeks. What the hell happened that you up and left him? You are angry with him, and he doesn’t understand why. He allows himself to cry for a moment before rereading it.

Dot.

--

Chapter 4 / Chapter 6

Oh Dot you dirty bitch! Feedback is appreciated.

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PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I FORGOT ANYONE!

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VII

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1864.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

________

You wanted to slap yourself. What the hell was wrong with you today? Why did you tell Peter that?!

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...” Completely baffled with you behavior, you were deeply ashamed, unable to look the guy in the eyes and wanting nothing but fall into the earth.

“Ah, I got it. It’s Steve, isn’t it?” All of a sudden, Peter let out an irritated sigh, rolling his eyes skywards and rubbing his neck. “Of course, who else would say such nonsense. Blackmail, really? Funny he didn’t call me a stalker or anything.”

“Listen, I didn’t mean it, I’m really-”

“It’s ok.” He closed the locker, slamming its door loudly and making you jump. “It’s not your fault. If I heard that from somebody, I’d be scared too.”

He spent a couple of seconds staring into the wall until he rubbed his neck again tiredly and huffed. It took him less than a minute to regain his composure, and you heard him murmuring, “What a freak.”

He didn't return to the corridor, heading to the sports hall for his PE class, instead moving to the bench in the locker room and motioning you to sit. Feeling terribly awkward, you hoped he wasn't going to do anything out of anger, even though he had every right to be upset at your stupid behavior.

"About what he said," Peter took a deep breath, "it's nothing like that. I don't dig up some nasty stuff in the web to blackmail people. I've never done it. The reason why Mr. I-am-better-than-you said that is because I've made him take me into his little bodyguard group when I heard him talking to Loki. You're nice, and I wanted to help. Of course, Steve started acting like I was some creep, so he refused, and I had to remind him that, technically, he had to report your issue to the administration, not play a hero. I said that if I go and tell the whole story to the dean, Steve's gonna be in trouble because he knew who thieves were and didn't report them."

It was a loud off your mind. Goodness. Rogers called this a blackmail? Really? Just because Peter pushed Steve into taking him into their group?

You were less and less sure Rogers was sane. You definitely had to be careful around him.

"I can't believe he called it a blackmail." You admitted quietly, and the guy sent you a tired smile. "Peter, I'm so, so sorry. It was so stupid of me."

"Nah, don't worry. I'd freak out too if I didn't know the whole story."

You knew your apologies weren't enough, but you hoped Peter didn't take it to heart - if you can take such an accusation easily, that is. Shit, shit, shit, why did you believe everything these guys were saying? You didn't even know them in the first place! Why on Earth did you go asking them their opinions on others if all of them were biased, and every guy could twist the truth the way he liked? You shouldn't have let their words affect you that much.

"Whatever. At least now you know what Rogers is like." Peter sent you a grim smile and got up, picking his bright yellow sackpack from the floor. "Shit, I gotta go if I don't wanna be late. Let's meet in a library later, alright?"

"O-of course." You hurriedly stood up and left the lockers room after him, turning to the library: your Lit class was cancelled, so you decided to go study right away. At this time, the library was usually full, and you felt safe there.

Your thoughts were all about the guys again even when you were staring at your laptop, trying to focus on Excel numbers. Why did you feel like the atmosphere between them was so dense? If they were at such terms with each other, why did they group together to help you? What, because all of them loved you so much? It was ridiculous. There was something else to it, and you didn't know. You had a feeling no one was going to tell you the truth until you figured it all out by yourself.

Weird. It was all so weird. Steve's plan, their behavior, the relationships between them, and your nagging feeling they all were hiding something. Was it them who were actually following you?

The thought scared you to the point you started shivering. Oh shit.

"Hi there," the guy appeared behind your back so suddenly you almost jumped, looking at him wide-eyed, "sorry, did I startle you?"

"H-hi Jake! No, it's ok, I was just... studying." Both of you were talking in hushed voices, knowing the librarian would kick you out immediately if she heard some noise. "How are you?"

"I'm great, how're you?" You could hear concern in his voice: he was one of Thor's friends you met yesterday, and although you spoke briefly, Thor definitely told him more about you. "You look a bit worried."

"Oh, it's Math, I didn't really understand the topic, and we're having an exam on Monday... guess I'll be studying the whole weekend." You gave him your best smile to reassure you were totally ok, and the guy relaxed a little, smiling at you, too.

"I'm sure you'll pass. Thor said you're very smart."

What, he said that to all of them? Was he simply boasting about his girlfriend to his friends or was there something more to it?

"You're too kind. Thank you."

His smile grew wider, and he landed on the next seat to yours, resting his hands on the table. Apparently, there was something he wanted to talk to you about, and you grew uneasy.

"Listen, about these incidents... Thor told us all about it, so if you see any freaks following you around, you can message any of us, and we'll come right away." Looking at his serious expression, his bushy brows furrowed, you hoped he eas being sincere with you: you had enough with people you could no longer trust. "And also... that kid, if he's giving you troubles or anything, just let me know, and I'll tell him to keep his hands to himself"

Oh, he was talking about Peter, wasn't he? He had probably seen that silly photo. Wow, you though, Peter was totally right about Instagram: it was the best news source in the academy.

Thanking him for his concern, you laughed a little, convincing him there was nothing serious except for the theft and promising to tell him if anything weird would be going on. While it should have made you feel safer, in fact, you only grew more frustrated with this situation. You wanted to forget about these freaks and just spend you day like any normal student would, but everywhere you went people were staring at you as if you had a horn; one boyfriend or the other was always close to protect you from some unknown danger, and although you believed they tried to help, you hated the feeling they were hiding something from you. Why did you have to be going through all this? Wasn't it really better to drop off school, spend a year working and then apply to a better place?

Thinking of the faces your parents would make once you returned home, you realized it wasn't. This school with all those creeps wasn't worse than home that never felt like a safe place you wanted to come back to. Besides, all money you saved up until now were only good for buying food and things like that: you'd never afford to rent a decent place unless you found a well-paid job. It meant staying with your parents, and it wouldn't be much better than here, just different. If you wanted to drop off, you had to find a good place to stay.

Well, you could at least try, right?

When Peter met you in the library, the two of you no longer talked about anything important, simply studying together to prepare for the exams next week. It didn't feel off: from time to time you met his gaze, and the both of you smiled. You were thankful he didn’t talk about Steve or other guys or that weirdo in the lockers room.

Once you returned home, you went straight to bed, completely exhausted. Luckily, you did much more than yesterday, so you could rest now, but then you thought of Thor kissing you and bit down the pillow, angry at yourself. Why did you keep thinking of him right now?

______________

When you woke up the next morning, you felt like something was off: your body ached, your throat hurt, and your headache was only making it worse. Dammit, you caught a cold, probably. And that’s when it was finally the day to meet Steve, the guy you thought was a mastermind behind all these manipulations that were making you sick to the core. 

Anyway, it’s not like a mere cold would prevent you from doing everything you had planned. You left your bed and went to the bathroom, moving the dresser before again. 

Honestly, it felt terrible. It was definitely because of that flimsy dress you wore to school yesterday when the weather was becoming chilly. Argh. Watching your puffy eyes and swollen nose, you sneezed. Today you had to apply way more makeup to look decently.

Steve showed up earlier than either Thor or Peter: you had to skip your breakfast, hoping to buy something cheap in the cafeteria.

“Good morning.” He said with his everyday polite expression that soon shifted into a concerned one. “Are you alright?”

What, was it that bad? You did your absolute best to apply enough makeup and do your hair. Did you still look so sick?

“Good morning. Yes, I’m ok, just feeling a little sleepy.” You yawned on purpose, covering your mouth with your hand, and Steve’s face softened.

“Did you study all night?”

“Yep, exams are driving me a little crazy.”

“I understand. I also stayed late last night.”

Of course, the student council president studying all days long to be number one student in the academy. If you didn’t know of his twisted nature, you’d think he was the most typical nerd.

You spent most of the time either in silence or talking about studies, the academy, and everything related to it. Steve acted like a gentleman and a scholar, albeit a little too demonstratively. Walking with you as if he were a king of the place, he constantly replied to greetings of others, waved to his acquaintances and smiled. You felt so off you wanted to find Loki and walk with him: unlike Steve, he was considered unpleasant by the prevailing majority of students.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” America golden boy asked you for the last time, and you forced yourself to smile.

“Of course. Thanks for coming, see you later, Steve.”

As he finally left you in peace, you almost fell down into your chair, your fever only getting worse despite the fact you took some painkillers. It was going to be a long day.

_________

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[biolizardboils]

its been 10 days since the movieversary but my CU hyperfixation's still going so heres another one of those Scattered Thoughts posts (minor movie spoilers!)

So i updated the playlist at treehouseblogsinc this week! Idek if Wikplayer still works for most people, but this streak’s five years long and i aint quittin yet! (Usually i just replace song links when they break, but this time i removed a song too cus the guy it references has been Bitch lately)

Speaking of, i did my semi-annual reread of the whole blog too and... man :’’’) Its still mind-blowing how many people played along (and got pissed at Melvin when he took over lmaooo). All the silly, sweet, and angry asks i got there still warm my heart to this day

You know what else i still do to this day? Draw things Pilkey-style! Sometimes i try to follow a rigid anatomy when i draw and feel stuck when it doesnt look right. When that happens, i step back and make a quick Pilk-ish sketch as a reminder to keep things loose. Works every time :)

Something i still love about the movie and the months leading up to it is how much of it felt like a grand... I dont wanna say joke, cus that kinda implies they didnt care when its obvious they truly did. Lets go with prank — it all felt like a grand prank! Like the decisions they made worked in the end, but were also super funny to read and hear about. Like oh my god, they rented Abbey Road Studios to record a choir playing kazoos and singing the word “underpants!” They got the biggest up-and-coming horror director to voice white-ass Melvin Sneedly. (Tho i guess now it can be argued that he’s white-passing in movie!verse, so thats cool)

My fave example of this is how they got Lil Yachty for the album. On one hand, whatever chunk of the limited budget they spent to get him probably could’ve been put to better use, like actually animating the Turbo Toilet fight or something? (While moving the Flip-O-Rama to another scene of course.) On the other hand, its hilarious that they got him to rap the word “cool” 15 times to a cover of Oh Yeah, and then didnt even put it in the movie. Its like George and Harold themselves wrote the stupidest lyrics possible just to see if he’d agree to them, and he did?? Thats comedy gold???

Why didnt i bookmark all the production stuff posted to Instagram. There was so much cool stuff i wanna see again but the search function there is still garbage and uuuughh

So i dont remember if it was production art or fanart but theres this one Instagram post i saw once thats lived in my head ever since. it looked like the cover of Action Comics #1, but with Captain carrying a school bus. If by some miracle somebody has it saved, please send it to me ill be forever in your debt

Im still scared of getting what’s coming to me when the Dog Man movie drops, but now im also wondering if theyll still have George and Harold as a framing device. Ngl i havent caught up with the new books in a hot minute, but ive heard that the boys have stopped appearing in them? if that’s true, that’s Dav’s choice and i have to respect that. ....but also i really wanna see them in CG again. pretty please dreamworks, i miss my sons so much

It mustve been a while since i last watched the movie, cus when i did on the 2nd, the Origin Issue sequence like... broke me all over again. i wrote about why its so great once for a thing that never got made actually, lemme dig that up and paste it in here

The score begins with chiptune and kazoos, two common motifs for childhood whimsy, and already a great fit for this sequence’s simple, handdrawn look. 

But it doesn’t stop there! It goes from what sounds like just two or three people playing kazoos… to a whole chorus of them… which gives way to a full-fledged orchestra. It’s as dramatic a transition as… oh, say, a one-man children’s book to an animated movie by one of the top studios in the industry.

And in turn, as the comic continues, we’re brought closer and closer to the panels until the white gutter between them vanishes, and they engulf the screen. The medium through which this story’s being told has faded from awareness; all that exists now is the story itself. 

But just as suddenly, we’re brought back to our true surroundings. The orchestral music ends, the chiptune returns for one last gentle sting, and we remember this epic tale’s humble origins: a comic book, written and drawn by two 4th graders. *sniff*

Another Score thing i love: you know how Captain is one big Superman parody? I think Shapiro mightve had that in mind when he composed his theme tune, because it starts with a triumphant first three notes (the “Underpaaaaants” part) — just like some of Superman’s! I dont know the right musical terms but cmon, theres a pattern there! And its so touching that they found Captain worthy of a song of that caliber!! Like yes, he IS a true superhero!! heres the epic theme song to prove it!!

Oh wow okay. So to dig up that Writing Thing, i had to open some folders i havent touched in years. And there were outlines for 10 different fanfics in there. I remember not really meaning to finish them ever, just writing them down cus the ideas wouldnt leave me alone. Hell i still dont have time to finish them now

But. Man now i feel bad for never doing anything with them. I have half a mind to post the outlines at least?? Cus someone out there might get a kick out of them?? You know what, if this hyperfixation doesnt peter out in another few days ill probably do it

Speaking of things i havent looked at in years, i listened to this song while typing all this and im tearing up now send post