#its really sad what happened to this show... they clearly needed more time

[nyxchipz]

My opinion on Caitlyn Kiramman over the course of the series

I never went from loving a character to despising them so quickly

Bonus: my Discord pfp

[ottersandfandoms]

Full Analysis/breakdown of the asmodous crystal exchange because the episode broke me and this is how I cope. Warning: long

So the first shot we have is Stolas sitting on his bed in apprehension, then Blitz jumps up on the balcony. Blitz starts the night off like any other, bringing out his bag of sex toys and just speaking in an unworried manner. Yet we have the sad music playing in the background that lets us know this is temporary. It’s NOT a normal night. Stolas knows this too and he’s just quietly watching.

Stolas finally speaks and he stutters at the beginning. This is really happening. He disregards all the other things Blitz brought and instead just asks for the book.

This is when Blitz first starts noticing something is up. We see a quick shot of his smile dropping. He was all worried about Stolas getting bored of him earlier and wanting the book back and now he began to actually think those fears are being proven true. Even if he doesn’t admit it, Blitz has a big fear of not being wanted and just pushed aside, like he has been for most of his life. 

So when Stolas admits he needs the book back Blitz panics. His fears are true. He begins to hurriedly speak and makes excuses. This book is his livelihood and the reason for his jobs so it makes sense why he is scared of losing it. He leans in and tries to initiate sex. It works every time with Stolas so why wouldn’t it work now? Stolas begins to grow sad. He does want to have sex with Blitz. But he knows that would be unfair so he gets up.

Blitz is terrified. He desperately begs Stolas for the book. Blitz is being put in a vulnerable situation and he doesn’t like it. His whole life could be destroyed if he can’t keep his business afloat. He wouldn’t be able to support himself and couldn’t support Loona. He would “do anything” to keep it.

But then Stolas shows him the crystal. Stolas presents it to him in a happy tone. He tries to be happy and hopeful even though he is clearly still very worried. Maybe everything will be ok. Maybe Blitz will reciprocate Stolas’s feelings and everything will be great.

Blitz thinks Stolas is joking. He doesn’t understand why Stolas would do this. Now his job is safe but his relationship with Stolas is not. His deepest fears are being proven once more. 

He’s not good enough.

He goes into this state of wanting to please.

When Blitz was a child, his dad clearly saw Blitz as the weakling compared with Fizz. And no matter how much Blitz tried to prove himself, it was never enough. “I can do better” is almost juvenile in its phrasing. A desperate plea and promise that might diffuse the situation. Blitz reverts back to his childlike self where he was always last choice and flung aside like he didn’t matter. Imagine how many times he said that exact sentence to his father.

Stolas explains. Stolas actually does a good job of saying what he wants. He is clear and to the point, emphasizing asking what Blitz wants. During Stolas’s speech, Blitz glances back and forth at the crystal, trying to make sense of what’s happening  and then at Stolas. Because he does want to stay. He likes Stolas. If he didn’t care, he would've taken the crystal and left, but he didn’t and chose to stay. Stolas finally just finishes his speech by confessing his feelings. He says them in a frantic way; he is putting himself out there but there is hope there too. 

Blitz thinks he’s joking. Of course he would be. Why could Stolas actually seriously care for him? How could Stolas care for him? The only possible explanation has to be that Stolas is joking. So he puts on a roleplay because he thinks it’s what Stolas wants. He refuses to accept there may be something more.

Stolas takes this as a mocking rejection. His hope has been squashed. Stolas is so used to being mocked that he immediately takes Blitz’s ‘roleplay’ as Blitz making fun of him. Stolas has been mocked by the people, the other Goatia, Stella. Blitz is just another one to add to the list.

He accepts the supposed rejection and walks away. Blitz now realizes he wasn’t joking. He is legitimately surprised that Stolas would want anything true with him. Blitz has this worldview of nobody truly wanting him; finding him useful, sure, but actually wanting him…that would be impossible. Stolas’s confession is a stark blow to that worldview and it makes sense why Blitz needs time to accept this.

This is where Stolas makes his mistake, he doesn’t give Blitz time to think through this. He takes Blitz’s confusion as rejection, not stopping to consider that Blitz is just as scared as he is. His hope is now totally gone. Both Stolas and Blitz are eerily similar in their fears. They both just want to be wanted but where Stolas shrinks away in sadness, Blitz lashes out.

And that's exactly what Blitz does now. And he doesn’t stop.

He doesn’t want to deal with his own hurt feelings so he instead blames it all on Stolas, to hide the fact that he may be blaming it on himself. The thing is, most of what Blitz says is true. Stolas repetitively called him a plaything and ‘little imp’ so it makes sense why Blitz doesn’t fully believe him. Blitz has always been the inferior one in his relationships. With Fizz, With Verosika, with Stolas, with countless demons. This has caused him this inferiority complex that he can’t escape. 

Blitz has tears in his eyes and he is truly breaking down. He has spent so long trying to convince himself that Stolas doesn’t care and now suddenly he does? He still hasn’t actually accepted that Stolas cares for him. He can’t accept that and that makes it all more painful. It has to be some lie or game and he is begging Stolas to stop playing. To stop complicating things because that will force Blitz to think about how he feels.

"Let's go!"

Blitz fully expects Stolas to yell back. he is so used to being in arguments where the other person will lash back as well. And Blitz almost wants this. He believes he deserves it.

But Stolas doesn't...

Instead he takes Blitz sceaming the wrong way. You see this heartbreaking scene of Stolas starting to cry. Stolas has spent his whole life being told to be quieter, be more controlled, less emotional. Him crying in front of someone, rather than alone really emphasizes the hurt he is feeling. And then there is of course the most heartbreaking line: “I didn’t realize you think so low of me”.

Everyone thinks low of Stolas. He is the “pathetic” Goatia prince who is constantly scoffed at and bullied. Blitz was his escape from all of that, but now he believes Blitz thinks the same as everyone else.

But Blitz DOESN’T think low of Stolas. He thinks low of himself. 

Blitz realizes he fucked up. He went too far and hurt Stolas.

He realizes that Stolas misinterpreted what he said because Blitz was never really talking about Stolas, he was talking about his own feelings. We can see Blitz actually try to reach out to Stolas. He needs to let Stolas know that he doesn’t think that. You can hear him start to say “I’m sorry-” but as he’s saying that Stolas portals him away. 

Blitz “What the fuck” perfectly encapsulates his feelings. He doesn’t understand what happened but he knows that he messed up. Blitz needs to let Stolas know that he actually cares about him and apologize for what he said and Stolas needs to understand that Blitz needs some time.

Blitz never once said that he doesn’t care, only that he doesn’t believe Stolas can.  

[alexia11luvr]

I Put My Hand On A Star, To See If I Still Bleed

Alexia isn't playing well after returning from her injury and needs to feel something.

(AU where Arsenal and Barça are in the same group in the 2023/24 UWCL)

CW: smut, sub!alexia because there isn't enough of it in this world, strap-on, lil bit of blood

Back during the 2021/2022 season, you and Alexia would hook up all the time. She barely spoke English and you barely spoke Spanish, but during an Arsenal V Barça game, you both felt an attraction for the first time, a connection, and that connection turned into a hook up at a hotel after the game. This happened again after the teams' next meeting, and after that, whenever you were in Spain or she was in England for whatever reason, you two would meet up and hook up at some hotel, always in secret. This was never spoken about between the two of you, whenever you were at award shows, you'd see eachother, perhaps make casual conversation with as much of the other's language as you could, but almost always in the company of other players.

It'd been over a year since the two of you had hooked up, you'd seen eachother at the Euros, but her injury kept you two from doing you usual thing, and there was far too much going on at the World Cup for you two to do it either.

The next time you saw eachother was in a Champions League group stage match in Barcelona. She looked different, her hair was platinum blonde, she looked older, more mature, and the innocence that was in her eyes before was gone. It worried you a little, it made you sad to see her like that, clearly in emotional pain, but there was something about it that attracted you to her- that loss of innocence. She had always been older than you, a good ten years older than you, but you never really noticed it until now, her maturity was showing and you liked it. Everything about the way she looked had lost its innocence, had changed since you last saw her. You didn't know exactly why you liked it so much, why it turned you on so much, but it did.

She scored in the second half after a string of missed shots. It wasn't a brilliant goal, but it was a goal all the same. You watched her as she celebrated, no smile crossed her face like it used to, and as she turned away from the crowd you saw a look of deep contemplation in her eyes as she looked down-

She knew she wasn't in form, not that she could expect to be so soon, but it was still hurting her. She wanted a better goal, several goals. A better game.

Katie scored a few minutes later, bringing the scoreline level, until Aitana scored in the 68th minute, and the match ended like that, Barça 2-1 Arsenal.

You shook hands and hugged after the match, you asked her if she was okay, you hadn't seen her smile the entire time, not even after the final whistle. She hesitated before nodding, and then leaned in closer to you before whispering "What hotel are you in?"

You told her the name of your hotel, as well your room number, letting her know you could do it there. You were lucky that you were rooming alone on this trip, last time you'd had to fuck Alexia in another hotel a few miles away from the team's, and you barely made it back in time before they noticed you were gone.

"No roommate?" she asked.

"No, we have the room to ourselves, the whole night."

"Ten O'Clock." she said.

"I'll see you then."

She ran her hand across your waist as she walked away, the first touch of affection you'd gotten from her in a long time, and you needed it. You missed that feeling more than anything, it was like a drug- the strongest drug you'd ever had.

Ten O'Clock couldn't come soon enough. There was still half an hour to go. You were talking with the girls in Leah's room, and you couldn't stop glancing at your watch, lamenting how slowly the hands were moving.

"Why do you keep checking your watch?" Katie asked.

You looked up, like a deer caught in headlights.

"Um, I dunno," you were panicking, "I think it's broken, the hands aren't moving right, I'm gonna go get my digital one."

This was a lie of course, there was nothing wrong with your watch, but you did need to get out of the room for a moment and make sure everything was ready in yours.

You opened the door to find Alexia on the bed, who sat up quickly as the door opened.

"What are you doing here? It's not ten yet."

Alexia didn't say anything, instead she quickly lifted herself off the bed and walked towards you pulling you in for a kiss, her hands grabbing your shirt just below the collar. The kiss was eager and breathy, passionate, and it became clear to you why she was early. You pulled her body in closer, with your hands on the back of her waist. Her lips moved to your neck, making you lose your breath for a moment, her movements still eager and passionate. You toyed with the hem of her shirt, subtly asking for permission, before she took it off herself, tossing it aside. She quickly unbuttoned yours and pulled it off you by running her hands over your shoulders and underneath the fabric, admiring how muscular you were, more so than the last time you'd met. She wasn't the only one who looked more mature.

A slight pause in her movements led you to pick her up and place her on the desk at the side of the room, your hands roamed her thighs as you stood in-between them, and you began to tug at the fabric that was still covering them as you kissed her. As you did, her arms left the position of being wrapped around your neck and travelled down your torso, one landing on your waist and the other over your crotch. Her breath hitched and she pulled away from the kiss as she felt the bulge of what you were packing. It was big, bigger than anything she'd taken before, and she liked that, she needed that. Her eyes darkened sensually, and she gripped it tighter, causing a wave of pleasure to move through you. You backed away from the desk pulling her off of it so she could remove her trousers as you undid your belt and removed yours. She sat herself back on the desk and pulled you in towards her lips. You kissed down her neck and her chest, moving her to lean back slightly as you dipped a finger into her core- she was more than wet enough, it was beginning to coat the insides of her thighs so you knew she needed to be fucked more than anything.

"You ready?" you asked, your voice low.

"Yes." she said, breathlessly, needily. You loved when she spoke English, her strong accent made it so sensual.

You kissed her softly once more before looking down, you held her by the hips and slowly put your cock in her and she groaned at the pain as she wrapped her arms around you, pulling you right into her body. Her whimpers and moans turned you on more than anything, you loved how she sounded when you fucked her. The raw skin on skin contact felt incredible, you loved feeling this close to her, you needed it. With you inside her and her legs wrapped around your waist, you picked her up again and placed her down gently on the bed. You sped up and her whimpers turned into whines, echoing around the room. She bit her lip to try and stop herself, but it didn't help. You slowed down and increased the pressure and depth of your thrusts, which turned her whines into loud, open-mouthed moans. You kissed up her neck and her cheek as you fucked into her, knowing that she would appreciate the intimacy now, given what you were about to do.

You knew how she liked to be fucked, and how she wanted to be fucked, even if she hadn't said it, that was part of your connection, you just knew.

You pulled out of her slowly and whispered in her ear, "Turn over."

She did as she was told, turning over to lay on her stomach. You admired the view infront of you, her muscular back, her thighs, and the best ass you'd ever seen.

You slipped it back in her again, and she moaned, gripping the bedsheets as she did, her hands above her head.

You lowered yourself onto her back, getting that raw skin on skin contact as you rubbed together that you both loved so much.

The friction on her back made her seek friction on her front, desperate for some pressure on her clit, making her moans and whimpers grow louder with overstimulation.

"Shh sh sh." you whispered, stroking her hip, remembering that the other girls were in the room next door.

She quietened slightly, biting the bed sheets.

"That's it, you can take it, you're doing really well." You praised, and she really did deserve it.

"Get up on you knees for me." you said.

She always did as she was told when you had her like this.

She got up on her knees quickly, her back arching and her arms out infront of her, grasping the bed sheets.

"I'm sorry princesa, this is really going to hurt."

You took your cock out, noticing how it was glistening, covered in her arousal, and you slipped it in her ass. She was much tighter there, and you could feel it as you fucked into her. She cried out in both pain and pleasure, and she quickly propped herself up from her elbows onto her hands, unsure how to deal with the intensity of it all. Even between gasps and moans, her mouth remained open.

"You're okay, I've got you." you said, holding onto her hips and rubbing gently with your thumb.

She whimpered, nodding slightly, then dropping her head.

"Good girl."

You kissed up her spine and placed gentle, soft kisses on her hips. Her breathing was shaky and tears began to run down her cheeks, but she didn't want you to stop, not for one second. She hadn't felt this much in months, and she needed it.

You sped up, seeing her body rock back and forth, under your complete and total control, was beautiful. She was beginning to bleed, but she showed no signs of wanting to stop, and you found beauty in that too.

Blood and arousal were dripping onto the bedsheets, not that you cared, all that you cared about was pleasuring Alexia. Seeing her cry from pain and ecstasy was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen, she'd moved back to holding herself up on her elbows and had her hands clasped together, trying to cope with the pain and overstimulation. After a few minutes, you could tell she was getting used to that pain, as her whines and whimpers turned into moans.

You decided it was time to add to her pleasure by placing two fingers into her core. She gasped at their sudden presence, but she was soaked from the inside out and her dripping cunt welcomed you without any resistance.

She moaned in pure ecstasy at your movements inside her, as you were stroking gently with a steady pace matching the one you were fucking her ass with.

Her reactions were becoming more erratic and you knew she was close. She moved her arm from it's position of support and held onto your wrist and hand, pushing you further inside her slightly and giving her more pressure on her clit, as she let her forehead fall to the bed. She was purely in pursuit of pleasure. She looked so gorgeous this way, totally at the mercy of her own body.

You leant down onto her back again.

"You ready to come for me princesa?" you said, pressing open mouth kisses against her back, dragging your teeth across her skin, leaving red marks.

"Ye- yes, please." she said, breathlessly

"Such a good girl, aren't you Ale?" you said, smiling. The question was rhetorical, and she knew that, she knew it was just to remind her of what made her a good girl- being fucked bloody and teary-eyed, crying in pleasure on her knees, desperately holding your hand inside her with your palm against her clit.

She moaned one last time, her jaw slack, eyes closed, head thrown back then dropped forward as her back arched and her legs shook. You slapped her ass hard as she came, adding to her waves of pleasure as you came a moment later. Both yours and Alexia's movements continued through her orgasm as you let her ride it out.

"Look at you, you did so well." you smiled, you were so proud of her, she'd never taken it like that before.

You pulled out of her and discarded the strap, tossing it onto the chair.

She turned around to face you, sitting on the bed with you kneeling in front of her. She wiped tears from her eyes and noticed the bed sheets.

"Did I bleed?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"Yeah, you did." you replied, helping her wipe the tears away.

She was still shaking so you pulled her close to you, her head resting on your chest, and you began stroking her hair as she closed her eyes and a final few tears fell gently down her face.

You helped her off the bed as she winced and whimpered from the pain of moving.

"It's okay," you reassured her "it'll hurt less tomorrow."

She held onto you tightly as you helped her move. You pulled back the duvet and helped her lay down slowly. Her breathing was heavy and her whimpers didn't stop. You loved seeing her like this. You got into the bed yourself and pulled the duvet up to cover the pair of you. As soon as you did, she rolled over, seeking contact and comfort from you. She placed a long soft kiss on your lips before laying her head on your chest and placing her hand beside her face, her palm on your skin, right over your heart. She kept her legs closed, it being too painful to open them, and you placed one hand on her back, stroking up and down slowly, and letting the other just rest on her waist. You were both exhausted, and you fell asleep quickly after that.

You were awoken the next morning by the sound of the girls talking next door. You checked the time, it was half past ten, you'd slept for nearly twelve hours. It was then that Katie and Leah suddenly walked into your room, you quickly pulled the duvet over Alexia's head- it was still obvious that you had a woman in bed with you, but at least they wouldn't know who it was, or so you had thought until you remembered there was a jacket with a Barcelona logo on it slung over the chair, which you saw Leah notice as Katie was looking at you.

"So this is why you didn't come back to Leah's room last night- I shoulda known." Katie laughed.

"C'mon Katie, let's leave them be." Leah smiled. Always the more mature out of the pair.

You pulled the duvet back down, revealing Alexia's face, you ran a hand through her platinum blonde hair, and smiled.

[hannieehaee]

hello!!!

i would like to request possesive (lowkey toxic) bsf minghao like a short five or a drabble bcs i read your toxic mingyu one and it was sosososo good!!

tysm (i love your fics btw they’re so good)

18+ / mdi

content: toxicbsf!minghao, friends to lovers, he's toxic but its fine bc i have a crush on him so, manipulation, afab reader, smut, mentions of oral (f receiving), reader is a virgin, loss of virginity, penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 2064

a/n: thank uu!! im obsessed with toxicbsf!svt ive been wanting to write more of it since my mingyu fic tysm for requesting!!

masterlist

sometimes it stressed minghao out how sweet and innocent you were. how easy it was for a guy to catch your attention and for you to fall for anyone showed the barest amount of decency towards you.

well, it's not like minghao could really blame you. throughout the many years of being best friends, you had never really been in a serious relationship. there had been a quick fling here and there, but they never went far. not if minghao had anything to say bout it.

it wasn't that minghao wanted to get in the way of your relationships. he was simply protective. whether you realized it or not, he knew better. he knew the filthy ideas guys could get in their heads, specially when a pretty and sweet girl like you showed interest in them. which was why minghao always ran guys off one way or another before things bad a chance of going too far.

now, minghao wasn't dumb. he never made it known that he had been the one to somehow scare away (or sometimes frustrate away) possible suitors for you. he would simply speed up the inevitable. he knew they'd eventually use you and throw you away like most men tended to do to sweet girls like you.

despite your temporary sadness over the constant failed relationships, minghao knew that this was for the best. he wasn't about to allow some filthy man come in and sweep you off your feet just to defile your innocence when they could never love you in a pure and genuine way – in the same way that minghao did.

the task of keeping men off you got harder through the years. you were simply too beautiful to resist. that's how minghao first fell for you anyway (but, of course, he then fell for every other detail about you). you had men asking you out left and right, even ignoring his presence whenever he just so happened to be there. you were always shy and sheepish about it, accepting the compliments but always looking to minghao while seeking his approval of the guy in question (which he never gave, seeing as there was no man who deserved you).

however, there were occasions in which a guy would slip through the cracks, somehow charming you enough to concede to a date or to some flirtatious text messages without minghao's knowledge. the discovery of these instances would always lead to spats between the two of you, with minghao claiming that you clearly did not love him in the way he did you if you were so easily willing to hide things from him. these nights would usually end in you apologizing to him and telling him he was the only guy you needed.

but that did not happen every single time. currently, an anomaly had occurred, causing minghao to be disgusted by recent developments that had occurred in your relationship.

being as sweet and innocent as you were, it was clear to minghao that even a single second away from him would lead you to fall into the arms of some guy. which was what had happened a few weeks back, when you had enthusiastically agreed to a date with some boy you'd met at a party during the ten minutes in which minghao had left you unsupervised.

surprisingly, you had asked minghao to let you try things out with him. you were aware of minghao's protectiveness towards you (although not the full extent of it), but minghao was still surprised when you shyly asked him to let you see how things would go between you and this guy.

the two of you had been talking every day during those few weeks, even going on a few dates which minghao had to be made privy of as you came home overexcited after each one. he hated watching your temporary happiness with some loser who didnt deserve you. he knew it wouldn't last, but it still made him scowl at the thought.

the whole situation reached a crescendo the day you came back from yet another date with the guy, sheepishly telling minghao that you thought it was time for the next step in the relationship. this was, of course, something minghao was not willing to let you go through with.

since you had asked him to not get involved (not even allowing him to meet the guy thus far), he had left the situation alone with the hopes that it would crash and burn on its own, – after all, no man was good enough for you, nor did they compare to the way in which minghao treated you – but unfortunately for minghao, the past three weeks had gone well for the two of you. and now it was time for minghao to step in.

despite his initial anger at your revelation (anger which he kept hidden from you), he allowed you a safe space to talk to him about your 'relationship' and what you intended to do next, which then revealed a window of opportunity for minghao.

"i ... i'm nervous, hao."

"hmm? what makes you nervous, angel?", he was sitting beside you on your shared couch, with your legs basically intertwined.

"i dont know, i've just never ... you know ..."

he knew. you'd never outwardly spoken about it. but he knew you to be a virgin in every sense of the word.

"i dont know, angel. you're gonna have to be more specific."

"i've never had sex. i've never really done anything .."

as expected from his good and innocent girl. but the satisfaction of hearing you say those words died as soon as he remembered the context of the conversation. you were seeking advice in order to have sex with that guy whose name minghao had never even bothered to learn.

"that's okay. you don't have to if you're not ready," he assured you.

"no, but i am! i just ... i wont know what to do when it's time to ... you know, actually do it."

"oh?"

"what if i disappoint him? or what if he thinks im a freak for never having done anything?", you lamented, "am i? is it weird i've never done it? it's just ... it's never worked out between me and any other guy and– fuck you must be exhausted of hearing me lament myself every time i ultimately fuck things up before even leaving the talking stage," you chuckled at yourself in what seemed to be pity.

and minghao did somewhat pity you. despite being direct cause of many of those failed talking stages (something he would never let you find out), he still felt bad that you were feeling unseemly because of his doing.

"angel, no. stop. it's okay. you can always talk to me, you know that. and no. you're not weird for being a, a virgin, you're ... you're so special. no guy should ever make you feel pressured to do it. who is this guy anyway? is he making you– "

"no! hao. it really isnt that! it's me. i'm ... i just dont wanna embarrass myself. i dont ... i have no idea what i'm supposed to do. i ... i've wanted to, but i'm just scared," you pouted, looking down into your lap rather than at him.

he knew the perfect solution for this. it was the most obvious thing, but he needed to approach it in a way that worked out in his favor. he could not risk scaring you away. you were just vulnerable enough in this moment for minghao to finally rid himself of the nuance that had been in his way for these past weeks and finally have you for himself.

"well, i ... i cant help you? if you want. i could show you whatever you're curious about. and then you wont feel nervous anymore", he suggested, now having moved closer to you.

"isnt that cheating?"

he chuckled at the adorable confusion in your tone, reaching out to caress your cheek with his hand, "no, angel. id just be teaching you. as a friend, yeah?"

"oh ... a– are you sure? i dont wanna make you uncomfortable or anything ..."

"you could never make me uncomfortable, beautiful. so what do you say? hmm? let me help you?"

you silently nodded as you scoot even closer to him, giving him the green light to finally have you in the way he'd always wished.

"how about we start by kissing so you can ease into it, yeah?"

you nodded again, already too lightheaded to respond to him with words. minghao felt immense arousal at your innocent demeanor, adoring how your eyes fell directly to his lips the moment he mentioned kissing.

as gently as he could, he connected your lips, staring off with an innocent kiss before letting escalate further.

it was hard for him to control himself, so he didnt. he only gave you a few seconds of gentleness before beginning to kiss you with the fervor he had always wanted to, drinking in your adorable whines of arousal.

somehow your mewls became even prettier when his lips went south, now savoring the taste of your skin as he licked and nipped at your soft neck. his hands were not left unoccupied as they felt you up in ways that could not be defined as anything less than filthy. but you didnt seem to care. you seemed quite into it, actually, moaning endlessly in the way a girl deprived of pleasure would.

in this moment, minghao knew his wait had been worth it, as he now had you in his arms for his taking. and there was no way he would ever let you go after this.

~

it was only a short while later that minghao would finally reach his ruin.

minghao finally had you bare and willing under him as he hovered over you on his bed. after having eaten you out to completion, he was almost completely spent from just the view of your gorgeous body receiving such pleasure for the first time. and now he could finally have you in a way that only he ever would.

"angel ... are you ready?" he breathed as his lips pulled away from your own.

your gaze was completely empty, clearly gone to the pleasure that minghao had such given you and the pleasure you knew was yet to come.

"please ... need to feel you so bad ..."

"oh? but i thought this was about learning, angel? what happened?", he emphasized his words by grinding against your bare core, whispering his teasing words into your ear.

"n– no ... it's not ... just want you ... please."

that was enough for him to finally plunge in, groaning at the slight resistance you showed despite having prepared you beforehand.

your body arched against his as you cried out his name for the nth time that night.

"oh, angel ... feel so fucking good. is it good for you, beautiful? am i teaching you well?"

"y– yes, fuck ... h– hao! feel so fucking good ..."

he ground into you mercilessly, in a way that would make anyone think that this was not your first time together. except it was the first of many.

"does it always feel this good? will it always make me want it like this?"

"no, beautiful. it will never feel this good. you know why?", his hand went to play with the tiny pearl between your legs, making you cry in response, "because you're mine", he speed up in his thrusts, matching the pace of his hand, "and only i can give you this pleasure."

"hao! fuck ... gonna– "

"i know, angel. me too. gonna cum with my pretty angel, yeah? be good for me and cum with me, beautiful."

"love y– you!," your wet cries and stutters already had him gone, but your declaration was what truly did him in, causing him to bury himself as deep as possible as he released him inside you, groaning at the way you pulsed against him as your own orgasm took over you.

upon regaining your breaths and laying together, minghao turned to you, cradling you into his chest as he felt you breathe against him.

"you're mine now, aren't you angel?"

"always," you softly peck his chest, cuddling right back into him.

there was no longer need for minghao to worry about your nameless fling, nor any that would've come after. he had finally kept you all to himself.

[skzhua]

Episode five.

MASTERLIST

pairing: XO, Kitty's Min Ho x Female Reader

genre: Fluff, angst, enemies-to-lovers, slow burn, coming-of-age.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: Swearing, mentions of divorce, mentions of deceased parents, some cringey asf moments.

summary: Transferring to KISS was the last thing you had asked for and, yet, a certain tall boy made it seem both worse and better than you expected.

note: Bold - Korean, Italic - Over the phone

a/n: I am beyond overwhelmed by the amount of love this series is receiving. It means so much to me, you have no idea. Thank you <3

(let me know by filling the form in my bio if you want to be added to the taglist!)

There were bad days, and then there were bad days. And Min Ho was clearly having the second one. After you slammed the door in his face, he dropped on the couch next to Q. He might have hoped a little that his friend was going to be of any moral support but he couldn't be any far from the truth. Q was still pissed at him. In fact, almost everyone he knew was.

Dae came back to the dorm after Q left to go to bed. Seeing Min Ho alone, he greeted him kindly.

"You're here. How was your day?"

"It sucked." Dae gave him a sad look as Min Ho let out a sigh. "It sucked."

He went to sit across him and gave him a sad smile. "What happened earlier, I'm sorry... Things are crazy these days."

"I know, that's why I'm trying to help you." he said in frustration. "Why are you keeping secrets from me? You didn't even tell me you were dating Yuri all summer... And why did you tell Kitty about Poopy Baby?"

Dae gulped, not saying anything back.

"Are you really my friend?"

He let himself fall back on the seat in defeat. "I'm such garbage."

"Well, at least you know that."

"Hey. You still have feelings for her, right?" he was replied with a hum. "If I can be honest, I saw something today. On the Internet. Randomly! Accidentally!"

There was a pause before Dae hopped on his chair as he suggested they play Overwatch. After agreeing to order hot wings and do face masks, Kitty walked in and rushed to go see Q in his room. Dae's stare lingered to the door and Min Ho snapped him out of it.

Overhearing it all, you heard them call Kitty out of the room to show her something. Curiosity got the best of you, so you joined the others and walked up behind Q to watch what was going on. The sight horrified you. Why would someone stream their roommate in their sleep?

"What? My roommate put me on some weird website as I was sleeping." Kitty scoffed.

"I don't see the appeal." Min Ho sighed.

"And yet you somehow found the site."

He looked at you as you grabbed his attention but only received a death stare from your part. You definitely needed to work on your weird dynamic.

"Kitty, you should move." Dae said, more like an command than a suggestion. "You can't live with this girl anymore."

Q nodded. "Yeah, I agree with Dae. This is kind of sketchy."

She huffed. "I tried but there is no other room."

"Uh, how about a hotel? My driver could take you right now." Min Ho offered although he was well aware this wasn't an option.

"I can't afford that for an entire semester."

"I'm sure Dae can hook you up with a discount at Han Hotels."

"Shut up, Min Ho." you said, growing more annoyed with him by the second.

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Just trying to help."

"You helped enough today."

Before another argument broke, Q's face brightened as an idea popped in his mind. He offered to switch rooms with Dae for Kitty to come live with the rest of you again. In secret. Though unsure, she agreed because of how much she couldn't take her roommate anymore.

Chuseok used to be your favourite day of the year. You would have a delicious meal with your parents at home, free of worries and problems. Your mom's japchae was what truly kept the tradition living. Needless to say, their death definitely left its mark on you but it became easier with time. And tomorrow, you were going to enjoy it to the fullest. At least try to.

Kitty had spontaneously offered to organize a Chuseok for the expats of the school and begged you to help her out. You would have turned it down but her pleas were almost getting on your nerves that you gave in. She asked you about traditional meals you'd cook with your own family and you put together a list of ingredients she would need to buy. As the list only got longer, you opted to go grocery shopping together.

"Can you get soy sauce? I'll get the gochugaru."

You went to the end of the aisle as she called out for you to ask which kind of sauce she needed to get. Being already in front of the gochugaru, you assumed she could wait a second more for you to pick it up. You crouched down to get it off the shelf. Satisfied with the brand you chose, you got up and were greeted by Min Ho standing in front of you, a basket in hands. His shoulders dropped as you stared back at each other, you doing the same.

"You're seriously everywhere." he complained.

"It's not like I intend on seeing you everywhere."

Kitty came next to you with her cart, having picked out herself a random bottle of soy sauce. "Min Ho."

"And Kitty? You two are like my own sasaengs." he scoffed which Kitty seemed to not have understood.

"What's a sasaeng?" she asked, confirming your thoughts.

"Like a very obsessed fan." you explained. "But we're not."

"Yeah, sure." he smirked at you.

"What are you even doing in a grocery store?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah." you added. "Shouldn't you be on a yatch being rich and annoying?"

He faked a smile. "My dad is doing that with wife number three with her new fillers. I have decided to stay here as a favour to all women who want a piece of me this Chuseok."

He sent you a look before pulling a box of chocolates out of his basket. You could do nothing but roll your eyes at how pathetic it looked.

"Strawberries and chocolate? I'm going to be sick." Kitty said in a boring tone.

"I'm sure Lulu would appreciate it."

This caught your attention. "Lulu? The pop star? You got her to be one of your Min Hoes?"

He scoffed as his infamous smug look appeared. "That's cute, puppy. And she's only the fastest rising popstar in the country."

"And?" Kitty said, not sure what point he was trying to make.

He held up his phone to show you a picture of Lulu but you only frowned.

"We've been flirting since her trainee days." he justified.

"What a surprise." you said sarcastically.

Nonetheless, you couldn't ignore the feeling in the pit of your stomach. It felt like it was ripping apart and you only hoped it didn't mean what you thought it meant.

"She's on break from tour for the holiday. Even K-Pop stops for Chuseok." he continued.

"Okay." Kitty said, unimpressed.

Min Ho analyzed the content of your cart and frowned at you. Taking a pack that laid on top of the rest of your items, he showed it to you.

"Do you even know what to do with this?"

You snatched it back from him. "We're fine, thanks."

"I am admittedly entering new territory but with the help of TikTok, Y/N, and a positive attitude, I'll manage just fine." Kitty said and you facepalmed. "If not, I've won awards for my mashed potatoes."

She was about to push her cart forward and walk away but Min Ho stopped her. "No, no, no. As a Korean national, I cannot in good conscience let you desecrate my native cuisine like this."

"You do know I'll be doing most of the cooking, right?" you asked.

He acted as if he hadn't heard you and dropped his basket in your cart before removing Kitty from her spot to push it himself. "Do you want to poison your classmates or do you need my help?"

"Min Ho." you exhaled.

"This is me being kind right now."

Kitty sighed. "Fine. But I'm still making my mashed potatoes."

You and Min Ho groaned at her words and walked towards the next aisle. She followed behind in panic, telling you to not mess her system up.

While she was watching you two add products to the cart, you kept on bickering on anything really. Disagreeing on certains articles, disputing over a certain dish he wanted to cook, complaining about what you wanted to make...

You managed to go up to the cash register and he insisted on paying for it all. Having fought enough with him, you didn't protest and he helped you and Kitty with getting everything back to the dorm.

You got up from bed earlier than usual, wanting to focus on the side dishes you planned on making. It was going to take a while to get everything done so the sooner you started, the better.

What you didn't expect was to see Min Ho already standing in the kitchen as he dressed in a black tank top with a funny-looking apron over it. He didn't see you right away but he was quick to do so when you let a laugh slip out of your mouth.

"Well, well. Who's decided to be an early bird this morning?" he snickered, referring to your usual moody self when you wake up.

"Looks like we've had the same idea. I wanted to start cooking right away." you said as you went to stand next to him. "Need help?"

He shook his head. "I'm good. You can start on the budae jjigae, though."

Doing as told, you took the ingredients out of the refrigerator and Min Ho moved his own material to leave you space to work. It was silent but unlike normally, it felt nice. You almost dared to think that you liked being this comfortable with him.

"What's this?" you asked about the basket on the stool.

"My mom got it for me, my love language is gifts."

"I would have never guessed." you joked.

"She sent it from Los Angeles since she couldn't be here." He looked down. "We usually spend Chuseok together."

You smiled sadly. "It must suck, I get that. My parents and I never missed Chuseok together. Well, until... yeah."

"Right."

He cleared his throat to ease the tension and continued to chop his onions. You watched him go at it and were pleasantly surprised by his skills.

"I would have never guessed you knew how to cook. Nor would I have expected you to help Kitty. I suppose you can be nice."

He gave you a side eye. "I'm famously anti-Kitty, I'm only doing this to honour our traditional food properly."

"Try to convince me. You have a soft spot."

He chuckled while shaking his head. "Well, if you want me to be nice so badly, should I ask if you're okay?"

You cocked your head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"With your parents and all. I bet it's not easy."

You nodded. "Yeah, definitely a difficult holiday." you breathed out.

"I'm sorry but can I ask what happened?"

You looked at him and saw his eyes softened. "It's..." you hesitated. "They had a business trip and never came back." you kept it short

He rubbed your arm and you shivered at the contact. "That's awful. I'm sure they're looking after you. They must be proud."

Your breath hitched as you felt his head hover yours. You didn't dare to look up but you knew he was looking at you.

"Thank you, Min Ho."

You felt him breathe on the top of your head. It was unsteady and hot, you felt like you were about to melt.

"Good morning." Kitty yawned, coming to join the two of you.

You jumped away from each other and focused back on your tasks, attempting to forget what had just happened. "Hey, slept well?"

"I guess." she yawned again. "Oh, Pepero." she said excitedly and reached out to get it from Min Ho's gift from his mother.

He slapped her hand away. "Don't."

Hours of cooking went by and you were happy to have almost forgotten about your moment with Min Ho. Almost. Having finished with your budae jjigae, you sat at the stool and watched Kitty make her mashed potatoes. Growing bored, you connected your phone to the speakers and scrolled through your playlists to find something to add to the ambiance. After selecting one song, you heard a phone buzzing. Min Ho took his device out and smiled as he replied to a text.

"Confirmed Lulu will be at the premises at 8pm." he said with a smirk before putting his phone away.

Your stomach felt weird again.

"I'm sure she'll love the chocolate." Kitty smiled sarcastically.

"The chocolate was actually for," he began to say and moved his gaze to focus on you. "someone else."

Kitty eye-judged him as she kept mixing her potatoes.

"Hey, don't judge." he exclaimed. "Not all people need to be star-crossed lovers to be compatible. Like, hot people, for example." he pointed to himself. "We can, and want to play the field."

You mentally thanked him for saying that as it gave you a reminder that he was nothing but a jackass. That helped the weird tug in your belly go away.

"That's because you haven't found your perfect match." she looked at you for a second and you coughed in disapproval.

Min Ho grunted. "I've found many, many matches."

"I'm just saying, I've seen the magic when people find the one." she smiled to herself.

"That's sweet to think, Kitty." you said in a bored voice, not believing in what she was saying.

"Y/N's right. My parents both thought they found the one." Min Ho continued. "They were the 'it' couple. Beautiful, young starlet. Chaebol heir. The tabloids literally called them the perfect match. Look at them now."

Visibly, the divorce of his parents seemed to have impacted him more than he would admit. You kind of felt bad but, again, this was Min Ho. He didn't deserve your empathy.

"I'm sorry." you let yourself spill out unintentionally.

He shrugged. "Whatever."

Kitty coughed to clear the atmosphere and served him a bowl of her potatoes for him to taste. He took a spoonful of it and hummed as it was better than he thought.

"It must be weird to have people know all about your family." you continued on topic.

You were glad that he didn't mind keeping on telling you about it. "They think they know, they don't really. That's my point."

You nodded in agreement and he continued.

"There's really only one thing that matters at the end of the day."

"Which is what?" Kitty asked curiously.

"The truth." he responded as if it was obvious.

You helped Kitty with organizing the place. As more people came to her gathering, you welcomed everyone nicely by offering them drinks. You saw Q and Florian arrive and joined Kitty's side to say hello.

"Wow." Q breathed out in amazement. "People are calling this Chingu-seok."

"What?" Kitty asked and you were starting to wonder if she really was working on her Korean like she told you she was.

"It's a pun with chinggu, which means 'friends' and Chuseok." Florian explained. "You started a new tradition."

She was in awe but it was ruined when her eyes spotted Professor Lee. "Oh, no. Why is he here?"

"Because he's sad and lonely." Min Ho answered making you almost choke in your orange juice. "Mind helping me, Y/N?"

You followed him to the main table where you had placed the food dishes. He passed you a bowl of cold noodles and asked you to bring them to a table. As he was placing a plate himself, Madison appeared out of nowhere and waved at him.

"Min Ho, hi."

He shut his eyes closed, clearly not wanting to converse with her. "Hello, Madison."

"I wasn't expecting you to be here." she frowned but then noticed the plate he was holding. "Oh my God, you cooked."

"Yes, but I'm not staying long. Got a date tonight."

You had heard enough and moved to the entrance to invite people in. The weird knot in your belly came back and you absolutely hated it. You hated even more that Min Ho was seemingly the cause of it.

"Y/N!" he called out for you again.

With a lack of enthusiasm, you came to him and he asked you to put the plates away with him. Madison had left so you saw no problem in giving him a hand. Happy with the result, you went to Kitty's table together and stopped to look for which seat to take. You sat at the edge of the table, two seats away from your professor. Although awkward, Kitty was going to be in front of you anyway. Plus, you were only there to enjoy the food.

"Hey."

You raised an eyebrow at Min Ho. "You're sitting here? Willingly?"

He repositioned himself on the seat next to you and shook his head. "No. Yes? Just drop it."

"My bad."

Q insisted for Kitty to make a toast and she did a great job as she mentioned sweet thoughts such as gathering together and her mother. She ended her speech with a 'cheers' and you clang your drinks together. With Min Ho's first.

"Happy Chuseok, little pup." he nudged your shoulder. "Thank you for the food."

"Thank you to you too." you smiled.

You started to serve yourself and were, honestly, overwhelmed by how much food there was. You wanted to taste each one of them.

"Can you pass the japchae?" Min Ho asked Q.

Your head rose from the mention of this specific food. "You made japchae?"

He put it down in front of you two. "Yeah, first thing this morning. Didn't you see?"

You shook your head as a no. "I haven't eaten that in years."

Min Ho brought your plate closer and dumped some in it. "Dig in."

The last time you had actual good japchae was at your last Chuseok with your parents. None had own up to it so far and you were curious to see if his cooking skills were as good as he claimed them to be. You took a bite and chewed slowly. Your eyes grew bigger and you shook his shoulder.

"This tastes exactly like my mom's."

He chuckled. "Really? She might have sent you my way so you could taste it."

You rolled your eyes. "Don't ruin the moment."

He shrugged. "I'm just saying." he checked his phone quickly. "I'm off... to fulfill my destiny."

"Ah, Lulu?" you asked and he wiggled his eyebrows at you while getting up.

"Can't wait to read about it tomorrow." Q commented.

"Wait, you're leaving?" Kitty stopped him.

"Hello, hot date with popstar? Later, sasaeng." he tapped her head and walked away.

You felt disappointed he left. Of course, you would never admit it out loud. To suppress the annoying tingle that seemed to never go away from your chest, you focused on the japchae. Taking more and more bites of it, you reminisced your parents. You missed them terribly. But you were convinced they were watching you and you wanted to make them proud. Min Ho said they would be, after all.

And there it was again, Min Ho coming to your mind. You tried to shake it off but he simply wouldn't go away. And now you pictured him being with his date at this exact moment...

Ping.

You took out your phone from your pocket and read the messages you had just gotten.

Min Ho: Y/N!

Min Ho: Y/N, answer!

Min Ho: Help me!

Min Ho: I don't know who else to call, come help me!

He was definitely going to be the death of you. Putting your pride aside, you left the dinner to head to the school's entrance. You looked around but there was no one. You yelled out his name a few times but you were left unanswered. As you were about to give up and go back to the others, Min Ho's head popped out of the bushes.

"What the hell did Kitty put in those potatoes?"

You looked at him curiously. "What the- Weren't you going out just now?"

"Y/N, answer, please."

You shrugged. "Milk, cheese... I heard her mention it."

He squinted his eyes in shame. "Really, that little piece of-"

"Min Ho." you stopped him but he then groaned in pain and you heard his tummy rumble. "Awe, Poopy Baby. Are you okay? Do you need help with the potty?" you teased him.

"Real funny." he said while his face stayed still. "Lulu could come any minute now. You have to get rid of her. She can't see me like this. But keep her hooked on me."

You scoffed. "And why would I do that?"

"If her fans find out, I'm done for."

"Sounds like a you problem." you replied and started to walk away.

The sound of a car brought your attention back to where Min Ho was and you immediately connected that this was Lulu. Cursing at yourself, you turned back on your heels and greeted the idol with a forced smile.

"Hi." you bowed at her as she stepped out of the car. "Min Ho's running late."

"Who are you?" she asked in a bored voice.

"Min Ho's fanclub president, first in line for a date night with him."

You wanted to die just then and there. Fanclub president, what were you thinking?

"Uh?" she said, confused.

"My date with him just ended. I can't believe I even got to see him up close."

And more will to bury yourself ten thousand miles deep.

"That jerk double-booked me?"

You smiled, almost afraid of what you were going to say next. "He is the most handsome guy at school. I'm not going to lie, he ruined me for other guys. He's just so... well, you know."

"Intriguing... But I refuse to come second. You tell him I come back at 6pm tomorrow night. And that he better clear off the rest of his schedule."

"Oh." was all that you could say.

"When he has a night with me, he won't be seeing anyone else after."

She got back into the car, not leaving you time to say something back, and took off. Min Ho scoffed in disbelief.

"How did you do that?"

"Talent?" you answered, although it came out more like a question. "You owe me."

"I know, I know."

You stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do next. "Well, I'll go now."

"Y/N, wait."

Halting on your steps, you looked at him, confused, and waited for him to go on. He cleared his throat and looked anywhere but at you.

"The chocolate. It was for you. You can take them when you get home."

You froze. "For me?"

"Yeah." he affirmed and finally looked at you. "As an apology for the other day when I yelled."

You let out a small laugh. "Love language is gifts, uh?"

He rolled his eyes. "Say thank you and we move on?"

"Thank you, Min Ho." you smiled.

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[ellswritings]

Worse Things

Mentor!Haymitch x New Mentor!Reader

TW: Unspecified age gap, Hunger Games angst, reader won her Games, pre-Katniss and Peeta, angsty fluff, thoughts of suicide/self-hatred, mentions of death.

┏━━━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━━┓

There’s a certain lack of emotion one has to have when going into the Hunger Games. Getting rid of those feeling of guilt, empathy, sadness, anger, it’s hard. It’s the hardest thing Y/N had to do. She had to force herself to become and emotionless killing machine. Taking lives one at a time, sometimes multiple at a time. And she had to pretend it didn’t affect her.

Walking out of that arena, she knew her life would never be the same. She felt hollow, like any spirit she had died along with the first life she took. Her world started spinning out of control and there was no way to stop it.

Being from District Twelve, no one suspected she’d actually survive, let alone win. If anyone could call what happened to her “winning.” Everyday was like living through a nightmare. Things got to the point where she truthfully didn’t care if she woke up the next morning.

Her life was complete taken away from her, in more ways than one. No one really warned her about the dangers of being a Victor. Or maybe they did, and she just didn’t listen. So when President Snow tried to find a way to control her and she denied it, she didn’t realize what would follow suit.

Returning back home was a slap in the face. Her entire family had been slaughtered and she hadn’t been any the wiser. It felt like everything she sacrificed was for nothing. The guilt ate her alive like a soul sucking parasite. She got the only people who could ever love a monster like her killed.

Taking a swig of the whiskey bottle in front of her, she slouches down in her chair, an ever present frown on her face. Her body is numb and mind completely fuzzy. That’s the one thing she loves about alcohol. It distracts her, rids her of all the pain she feels on a day-to-day basis. Truthfully, it’s the only reprieve she can find.

She slowly turns her head towards the door, a sound resembling a knock echoing around in her head. A small huff leaves her barely parted lips as she stares blankly ahead at her fireplace. There’s no point in getting up. The only person who ever visits her in her secluded home is Haymitch Abernathy. Her old mentor. If she had a choice, she would only interact with him when they had two new Tributes to send off to the slaughter. But she could never be so lucky.

A hand on her shoulder pulls her out of her drunken gaze. Her head lulls back lazily as she meets a pair of familiar icy blue eyes. Even in her state she can feel his disappointment just by his gaze.

“What do you want?” Y/N grumpily greets, looking away from him to take another drink.

As the bottle is about to touch her lips, Haymitch snags it from her grasp. “I came to make sure you were sober enough to go into town. Clearly, my hopes were too high,” he says sarcastically, moving to put the bottle on a higher shelf.

“Why do you even care?” Y/N glares. “And who are you to judge me? You were drunk the entire time I was in the arena. What a mentor you were, huh?” She scoffs crudely. Her words cause a small pang to rush through his body, but he doesn’t show it. She’s right. Who is he to judge her when he spends his days just as drunk or even more.

“I care because we have to be at the Reaping in less than three hours,” he snaps back. “And I don’t want to deal with you embarrassing yourself and the rest of the District on live television.”

“Our District embarrasses itself enough on its own, it doesn’t need my help,” she grumbles and tries to smack Haymitch as he picks her up out of the chair and walks her over to her bathroom.

“My point,” he emphasizes by Turing the faucet on in the bathtub. He moves the flow of water to the shower head before sticking his hand underneath to make sure it was warm. He wants to sober her up. Not give her pneumonia.

A loud gasp, or scream ,as Haymitch would put it leaves Y/N’s mouth as he douses her with the shower head. It takes every ounce of willpower not to surge forward and sock him in the face. Her hair, now completely soaked, sticks to the side of her face. Her pajamas also sporting the same “wet dog” look the rest of her does.

“I’m gonna kill you,” she growls, her fists clenched tightly. But she does have to admit, the effects of the whiskey are wearing off rather quickly.

“Give it a go, sweetheart. You’d put both of us out of our misery,” he huffs, walking out of the bathroom and returning with a fresh set of clothes and a slice of bread. “Eat this,” he tosses the food towards her. “Should keep your stomach at bay til we get to the train.”

The relationship between the two of them has never been easy. Even when she was his Tribute. She was hard headed, crass, sarcastic, always spoke her mind even if it got her in trouble. In some ways, he admires that about her. That she doesn’t let anyone tell her what to think or how to act. But judging by what she’s turned into, she must regret possessing those qualities.

When he first met her, he had a feeling she would be the first Tribute in a long time that would actually have a chance. Normally, he doesn’t even bother giving his Tributes advice or helping them. He tried for the first ten or so years, give or take, but after watching them all die one after the other, his hope faded. There was no point in trying.

Until he met Y/N.

She was angry, a spitfire. She had that desire to get home. Watching her train and see how she was in the days leading up to her Games, it sparked that feeling of hope again. It was small, but it was there.

She likes to believe he was drunk for the majority of her Games, but truth be told, he was the most sober he had been since he won. He wasn’t completely mentally present, but he did put in effort to try to be. And that’s why he’s here now.

He never had a problem self-destructing. Going down this path seemed fitting for him, but it tore him up inside to see Y/N doing this to herself. He didn’t want this kind of life for her. Wallowing in self pity as she drunk her problems away. He can’t help but feel responsible for her in a way. Maybe if he had contained his alcoholism better, she would have never considered it a viable coping mechanism.

But as he waits outside her bathroom as she gets ready, he realizes that she probably would’ve resorted to liquor anyway. They had that in common.

He heads the lock on the door clock, signaling for him to move out of the way. The e/c eyed woman walks out, her hair pulled into a lazy half-up, half-down style. Her cargo pants are an olive green that compliments her complexion perfectly and a tight-fitted black sweater that falls off her shoulder slightly. It’s not the fanciest thing she could have worn, but it’s what he grabbed. He knows she hates being uncomfortable on the ride to the Capitol.

“What are you staring at?” She tries to mumble bitterly, but the soft look in his eyes removes some of the bite her icy tone usually has.

“Well, I was going to compliment you, but then you just had to get grouchy,” he shrugs satirically.

“Oh no, what ever will I do?” She shoots back with a fake gasp. “How will I ever get by without your empty compliments? I might just combust right here.” She rolls her eyes harshly before shoulder checking him and walking down the hallway to her room to gather the rest of her things.

“Are you always this much of an ass?” He calls out after her, walking down the hallway as well. “Or is it just to me?”

“Just to you,” she replies dryly, not looking at him as she lugs her minimal amount of items over her shoulder. They don’t need much when heading to the Capitol—there’s little point in dragging luxuries for a stay that promises more nightmares than comfort.

Haymitch smirks faintly, though the expression doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He knows her quip is an attempt to shield herself, to keep him—or anyone—from getting too close. That doesn’t stop him from muttering, “Lucky me,” as he trails after her.

The two make their way to the Reaping Square in tense silence. Y/N’s boots crunch against the dusty path leading to the stage as the weight of what’s to come settles on her chest. She knows the routine well enough. She’ll stand there with Haymitch, Effie will deliver her cheery speech, and two names will be drawn—two lives practically sentenced to death. It’s a show of power, a tradition designed to remind everyone of the Capitol’s control. And no matter how many times Y/N goes through it, it never gets easier.

The square is packed by the time they arrive, children standing in tightly formed lines with trembling hands and wide, fearful eyes. She stiffens at the sight of them, her chest tightening. Some of these kids are barely old enough to understand what’s happening, and yet they’re expected to stand tall, to accept the possibility of death with their heads held high.

Haymitch, standing beside her, senses her shift in demeanor. He doesn’t say anything—he knows better than to offer empty platitudes—but his eyes soften as he watches her gaze flicker across the sea of young faces. The vulnerability in her expression is fleeting, quickly replaced by the hardened mask she wears so well.

Effie Trinket’s bright, artificial voice snaps Y/N out of her thoughts as the Capitol representative prances onto the stage. Her garish outfit, all glitter and frills, stands in stark contrast to the muted tones of District Twelve. Effie’s smile is painted on, too wide and too perfect, and Y/N can’t help but resent her for it.

As the first name is drawn, Y/N braces herself. The voice announcing the girl’s name doesn’t register as Y/N stares at the small figure stepping forward. She looks no older than twelve, her pigtails bobbing with each shaky step. Y/N’s fists clench at her sides, her nails digging into her palms.

The boy’s name comes next—another child, barely a teenager. He stumbles as he makes his way to the stage, his eyes darting to his family in the crowd. Y/N forces herself to remain composed, but her stomach churns violently. She knows what awaits them. She knows the terror, the bloodshed, the inevitability of it all. And she hates the fact there’s nothing she can do to save them.

Haymitch notices her jaw tightening, the slight tremble in her hands. Without thinking, he places a hand on her arm, a brief gesture of solidarity. She doesn’t pull away, but she doesn’t acknowledge it either.

When the Reaping concludes, the group heads to the train station. Y/N walks ahead, her pace brisk as if putting distance between herself and the Reaping Square might also rid her of the memories. Haymitch lingers behind with Effie, who chatters about Capitol festivities and the importance of appearances. He tunes her out, his eyes fixed on Y/N’s retreating figure.

On the train, Y/N sits across from the Tributes in the dining car, her posture rigid. She studies them for a moment, her gaze unreadable. They’re too young for this��too small, too scared. She takes a breath before speaking, her tone measured but blunt. “Listen, I’m not gonna sugarcoat this for you. The odds aren’t in your favor. They never are for kids like us.” The boy flinches at her words, but she presses on. “But that doesn’t mean you give up. You fight. You use whatever skills you’ve got to stay alive.” The two of them stare at her with wide eyes, like they were expecting someone much warmer. “Tomorrow we’ll go over what you guys are good at, but for tonight just… find a way to relax.”

Haymitch watches her closely, noting the way she softens her voice ever so slightly as she speaks. She’s trying, in her own way, to prepare them, to give them something to cling to. It’s not hope—she’s too jaded for that—but it’s something.

After the Tributes retire to their quarters, Haymitch, Effie, and Y/N do the same. However, the younger out of the three doesn’t stay in her room long. She tries to sleep, she really does, but her mind never stops racing. It’s almost painful the way she tosses and turns, unable to stop picturing the gruesome ways these poor kids will die. It makes her feel the ungodly urge to vomit the very little she’s eaten over the past few days.

Unable to find a moment of peace, Y/N walks out of her room, mindlessly wandering around the train car until she ends up back in the dining room. Her sock clad feet carry her to the small cushioned bench in front of the window, the moon shining brightly through it.

She sits down, staring out the window as the scenery blurs by. She’s tired—bone-deep weary in a way that goes far beyond the physical. Her gaze is fixed out into the night, but Haymitch knows she’s not seeing any of it. She’s somewhere else entirely, likely replaying the Reaping over and over in her head.

He watches her silently for a moment from the doorway, his hand tightening around the neck of the bottle he hasn’t yet opened. Her profile is sharp against the dim light—jaw clenched, shoulders rigid. It’s a posture he knows too well, the one people wear when they’re trying not to break. He hesitates, almost turning away, but then she exhales shakily, and something about the sound pulls him forward.

Sliding into the seat across from her, he leans back lazily, the way he always does, feigning indifference. But his eyes don’t leave her face. She doesn’t acknowledge him at first, and he doesn’t push her to speak. Instead, he just watches, the silence between them heavy but not entirely unwelcome.

Eventually, he breaks it. “You look like you’re about to set the whole damn Capitol on fire.”

She scoffs softly, the corner of her mouth twitching upward in a ghost of a smile. “Not a bad idea,” she mutters, still staring out the window. “Might solve some of our problems.”

He chuckles, the sound dry but genuine. “You’d probably do it, too. Wouldn’t even think twice.”

“Why should I?” she snaps, finally turning to face him. Her eyes are sharp, but there’s something else there, just beneath the surface—something raw and fragile. “They’ve taken everything from us. What’s left to lose?”

He doesn’t respond immediately, his gaze flicking between her face and her clenched hands. The tension in her shoulders, the fire in her voice—it’s all so painfully familiar. He recognizes it because it’s the same anger that’s burned in him for years, a constant, smoldering rage that never quite goes out.

“You still have yourself,” he says quietly, his voice steadier than she expects. “That’s worth something.”

She lets out a bitter laugh, leaning back in her seat. “Is it? Look at me, Haymitch. I’m barely holding it together. And for what? So I can watch more kids die while I stand by, pretending I can help?”

The crack in her voice guts him, though he doesn’t let it show. He shifts forward, resting his elbows on the table as his eyes lock onto hers. “You think I don’t know what that’s like?” he says, his tone sharper now. “You think I haven’t spent every damn day since my Games asking myself the same thing?”

Her breath catches, and she looks away, her throat tightening. He leans in closer, his voice softening, but the intensity in his eyes remains. “It kills me to see you like this. Destroying yourself the same way I did. You’re better than that. You’re better than me.”

Her chest tightens at his words, the rawness in them catching her off guard. She swallows hard, her gaze flickering back to him. For the first time, she sees the exhaustion etched into his face—not just physical tiredness, but the kind of weariness that comes from years of fighting battles no one else can see. And for the first time, she realizes how deeply he cares.

She doesn’t know how to respond. The anger, the frustration, the self-loathing she’s been clinging to all this time feels like it’s slipping through her fingers, replaced by something much harder to face. Vulnerability.

“I’m not better than you,” she says finally, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m just...trying to survive, same as you.”

His eyes soften, and he leans back slightly, giving her space but never looking away. “Then stop tearing yourself apart,” he says simply. “Let me help.”

The words hang in the air between them, heavy and unspoken for far too long. She meets his gaze, her defenses crumbling under the weight of his sincerity. For a moment, neither of them moves, the silence stretching out like a taut wire, ready to snap.

Without thinking, he reaches out, his calloused fingers brushing against hers. The contact startles her, and she looks at him, her expression guarded.

“What are you doing?” she mutters, though her cheeks flush slightly.

“Trying to make a point,” he replies, his grip firm but gentle. “You’re not as far gone as you think. If you’d stop being so damn stubborn all the time and quit pushing people away, things wouldn’t be as hard.”

Her breath catches at his words, the rawness in his voice cutting through her defenses. She looks away, but she doesn’t pull her hand back.

“You’re being weird,” she mumbles, her tone lacking its usual sharpness. “And gross.”

He chuckles softly, a rare sound that surprises them both. “Yeah, well, you’re blushing, so who’s the weird one now?”

Her breath hitches, but she doesn’t pull away. Instead, she stares at him, her chest rising and falling unevenly as if she’s trying to hold herself together and failing miserably.

“I’m not good at this,” he admits, his voice rough but honest. “But I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Something in her breaks at his words. She doesn’t know if it’s the exhaustion, the grief, or the sheer weight of everything they’ve both endured, but suddenly, it’s too much. She shifts forward, gripping the front of his shirt tightly as if he’s the only thing keeping her grounded.

Her lips crash into his, hesitant at first but quickly growing more urgent, more desperate. He freezes for half a second, startled by the suddenness of it, but then his hands are on her, one cupping her cheek while the other grips her waist. The kiss deepens, and she clings to him like he’s her lifeline, her anchor in the storm.

When they finally break apart, she’s breathless, her forehead resting against his as she tries to steady herself. “You’re a creep, you know that?,” she mumbles, her voice shaky but teasing.

He chuckles softly, his thumb brushing against her cheek. “You started it.”

She pulls back just enough to look at him, her eyes searching his face. “Don’t make me regret this,” she murmurs, her voice quieter now, almost vulnerable.

“You won’t,” he says simply, his tone laced with a confidence that surprises even him.

As the train rumbles on, the space between them feels smaller than ever, and for the first time in what feels like forever, Y/N allows herself to feel something other than anger. Something that feels a little like hope.

[royal-confessions]

“The grand reveal of Hussein of Jordan newborn daughter excluding the baby mama has to be the biggest royal faux pas of the year.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“King Abdullah’s family not waiting for Rajwa to be in the mood to take a public pic before posting the new baby Princess is the royal version of my family placing boyfriends and girlfriends at the very end of the family portrait in case they need to crop them out later.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Why Is the first look of baby Iman just her and her dad? At least show a hand or the back of the woman who carried her for 9 months and birthed her 🙁 I apologize if it’s a cultural thing and maybe they will soon release a family picture but that’s the first peek at the baby and Princess Rajwa is absent.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Lovely to know Hussein and Rajwa had a healthy baby girl!!!!!!!!! But come on now, the family photoshoot should have been postponed for when the mother was camera ready, we are used to Rajwa making us wait for her appearances lol so the video of Hussein and her baby girl was more than enough for a good while, and this are not any pics BUT her daughters first pics and she is not there.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“The reluctance Rania and Abdullah display against factoring Rajwa and Jameel into the public equation of the JRF is unorthodox, do they want to keep their club exclusive only for those born with a title? It could be they want their privacy but to leave them out of the first published pictures of Princess Iman is rather disheartening, Rajwa is the babies mom and Jameel is her uncle.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“The coverage from the Hashemites of the birth of Hussein & Rajwa’s baby leaves me feeling bad for her. So many photos of the family with the baby, zero of her. I understand that perhaps she didn’t want to be photographed but there’s very little reference to her either. As though she’s birthed the child and put to one side. Queen Rania’s instagram feed puts her in prime position. There are a lot of reasons to side eye Rajwa (probably not all of them are her fault either) but becoming a mother is no small thing. In this moment she should have more respect shown to her than this.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“If I wasn't a royal fan, I would assume Hussein had a baby sister and not a newborn daughter. What was that photoshoot of Rania, Abdullah and all their sons and daughters with Rajwa and Hussein's baby without the mother there?Not even a blurry pic of Rajwa, who is the mother of Princess Iman. And DO NOT say its cultural because there are PLENTY of pics of Hashemite princesses with their newborns at the hospital.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“You guys WTH! There are photos of baby Princess Iman and no Rajwa in sight!! I can’t believe it, how rude of Hussein, I feel bad for Rajwa who clearly doesn’t want to be photographed because by marrying to that dork her baby now has to be exposed into the public without her mother. Honestly what a gross royal family, I’ve never seen this happening with any other house. They have no respect for Rajwa I really feel bad for calling her lazy all this time.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“My heart breaks for Princess Rajwa because in which universe would a Royal Family, or ANY Family disregard the new mother by posting photos of the baby without a trace of her. Heck there is a photo of Rania holding Princess Iman before one of Rajwa and her Baby. If there is someone that still wants to buy into the fairy tale wedding and ignore this disrespect for Rajwa? I truly feel sad for her.” - Submitted by Anonymous

“I’m torn at the photos released by the RHC to celebrate the birth of Princess Iman bint Hussein because is great they gave Princess Rajwa space to recover but also out of the ordinary not to see the mother at the first official portraits of a newborn royal baby, since she won’t be the heir I believe they had juggle opportunity to wait for Rajwa to feel herself again instead of rushing the images with no mommy in sight 🥺” - Submitted by Anonymous

“Okay so we don't know what's going on behind the close doors but when CP Hussain was born their were picture of him and Queen Rania and mind you King Abdullah wasn't even in the race of becoming king so Hussain wasn't the heir , there are pics of Queen Noor holding her baby Hamza but no pic of Rajwa with her baby daughter is VERY telling” - Submitted by queenempath007

[tumblingxelian]

Crossposting from SV:

https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/iwiw-rwby.125050/post-32676154

Regarding the expectation of perfection, yeah, I don't think the team expected it. The one who could be arguably said to have put the most "pressure" on Ruby is Blake as we saw in V8, but having faith in someone isn't the same as demanding perfection. & Blake showed she was fine stepping up and trying to help or support Ruby when she needed it.

The others applied even less pressure, at least knowingly, but none of them are aware of how Ruby had internalized Ozpin's lesson (& from what I know of Coco Second Semester does not make his lessons better)

But Ruby definitely took a lot of these things to heart in a way likely never intended. & more to the point that likely wouldn't be nearly as bad if not for the trauma conga-line the last volumes have been.

For instance in V8 Ruby does seem briefly hurt by Yang noting that following her lead hasn't worked out, but Yang's language is still rather casual, this isn't her trying to deliver some cutting barb to wound Ruby's pride. & given their reunion in V8 it didn't have a lasting impact... Up until V9 landed because with everything that went wrong, suddenly those words pack a lot more sting.

In regards to Yang & Ruby in particular, one thing I find interesting is that in early volumes, even after Ozpin's leader talk Ruby was more comfortable showing uncertainty, discomfort, fragility and the like.

Especially around Yang. She was sulking in V2 about Blake not coming to the dance and feeling overtly helpless, she was fine with being uncertain about her decision to reveal the WF's location to Ozpin & co, also in V2.

But more integrally, in Volume 3, after everything had gone to hell what is the first thing Ruby did once she could move under her own power?

Was it go to her dad for comfort? Seek Qrow for advice? nope, those two came to her, with Tai mostly being used for an intel update and Qrow being prodded for info, and only seeing a flash of vulnerability.

The person Ruby went to was Yang, Yang who she was surprised to find wasn't in a good head-space, and who when Ruby asked what to do couldn't answer her, seemingly leaving Ruby unsure of what to do. In essence, there have been periods where Ruby also expected others to be more sturdy than they could otherwise be expected to be. This isn't a jab, just an observation.

More integrally however, in V4 we see Ruby really hit hard on the repressing.

Oh she did it before, the fact she's modelled her entire persona after her missing mother and was raised by a girl two years her senior should already make it clear she's gonna have some issues. But it becomes a lot more overt with her being all smiles around JNPR but sad when unseen until she's hitting a breaking point. One that is... Sort of countered though of questionable help by being told she's inspiring.

The time we really see it break in in Volume 5 when Yang & Ruby reunited, she cries, she fumbles her words, she gets a damn hug.

But then, the next day, she sees that Yang is not nearly as recovered as she's trying to act. When Yang is upset & removes herself from the situation to calm down and mourn silently, its Weiss who has to help her out of it, because Ruby has no idea what to do.

That's not just her sister in there, its the girl who raised her, & this stuff is not Ruby's forte, but more integrally, Yang is the one who has always been 'all right', the one who Ruby could turn to whenever she needed and who she never had to worry about in combat.

But she's not OK the one person Ruby could always rely on is more fragile than Ruby ever realized, and so clearly, Ruby can't go to Yang with her problems either.

& thus closes her final person to really, properly, well and truly reach out to.

& the thing is Yang would have no idea this is happening!

She didn't hear Ozpin's speech, or Ruby re-phrasing it. She wasn't present when Ruby was really building her walls in V4, and any that existed before that will have been interwoven with Yang's own issues and thus be something she deemed as normal the same way Ruby deemed Yang's self sacrificing penchant as normal.

Put simply, Yang isn't aware that Ruby's mental image of her has shifted and so is not aware that Ruby no longer sees her as someone viable to reach out to.

None of which is helped by the fact Yang canonically admires Ruby and so is prone to see the best, strongest, most idealized side of her, and so like Ruby would need to be told Ruby needs help before keying into it.

Both these girls are very traumatized and damaged and they care about each other so god damn much, but also just cannot wholly see one another.

Its agony, I love it.

[jennaimmortal]

Musings on OFMD Season 2

I’m feeling a bit sad today for the OFMD writers. After rewatching S1 & 2 a couple times, it’s become blatantly clear to me that Izzy’s arc this season was a very obvious love letter to both Izzy fans & the great Con O’Neil. Izzy was very clearly written to be an obstacle to Ed’s healing & personal growth, a snare that Ed needed to be freed from, albeit with plenty of nuance hiding under the surface. It would have been much easier for them to kill Izzy off while he was still the toxic, abusive, sadomasochistic terror of S1E10.

Instead of taking the easy route, though, the writers flipped the trope on its head! They utilized every bit of the potential buried beneath Izzy’s super fucked up shell. This season Izzy got

• a fully fleshed out redemption complete with terrible consequences of his 1x10 actions

• a realization of the possibility of another way of thinking & existing that he’d spent all of S1 running from & trying to destroy,

• genuine love & support from his crew mates which he was actually able to accept,

• exploration of the long abandoned softer side of his nature,

• an apology from Ed w/o first offering one of his own,

• a powerful, devastatingly poignant speech that mentally demolished a new nemesis, and finally

• a beautiful, meaningful death in the arms of the man he’d dedicated so much of his life to, known that he was truly loved by him & completely accepting of the fact that Ed’s love was not in the form he’d always hoped for.

It was so much more than we could have hoped for, and was very obviously done in service to the MANY fans that had fallen in love with Izzy even after S1, as well as to give Con a storyline worthy of his immense talent. Considering the face that Izzy was never going to end up becoming the show’s third protagonist, it was more than we could have hoped for!

OFMD has two protagonists, Stede & Ed. All the secondary character narratives that haven’t directly involved Ed and/or Stede have been icing on the cake, but the cake has always been the Gentlebeard love story. I feel like some people forget this, expecting them to treat the secondary characters as if it were an ensemble show instead of a show with leads.

Izzy’s arc really was an amazing gift! The writers gave us this incredible journey for Izzy this season, and what did a disgraceful number of people do? They attacked David directly, insulted the entire show, the writers, & other characters, even wishing actual harm & misery to other characters or even to David himself!

While I know that comparatively speaking, the percentage of show fans who reacted this way was relatively small, it was still an astounding amount of hatred & vitriol thrown at the people who had obviously worked very hard to give Izzy fans something beautiful to hold on to after his inevitable death. Much of the discourse honestly shocked me, considering the fact that OFMD isn’t even an adaptation of another work.

When fans get angry at shows written as adaptations of books, it’s a bit more understandable for them to have extreme reactions. They’ve had certain ideas and headcanons about characters they’ve felt very strongly about for a long time. It can be really jarring & painful when expectations like that aren’t met, the characters or plots are taken in totally different directions, or even excluded entirely.

OFMD, however, is an original creation. This is David Jenkins’s story. These are David Jenkins’s characters. He knows his story, his plotlines, his characters far better than anyone else does because they came from HIS brain! So while we as fans can have our own interpretations & head canons, they are always going to be at risk of being proven totally wrong by the ACTUAL canon.

One of the worst aspects of fandoms, in my opinion, is the way people become so proprietary over the story & characters, insisting that their own interpretations & theories are the only correct ones, which is exactly what happened with Izzy. Fans’ individual & collective interpretations, theories, hopes, & other head canons became concrete & true in their minds. So much so that when the actual story didn’t meet those expectations, so many of them lashed out in some truly unpleasant, sometimes hateful ways.

My only hope is that the rest of the fandom’s love, appreciation, constructive criticism, heartbreak, pain, joy, & excitement has been enough to drown out the deluge of vitriolic comments directed at David & the other writers.

If you stuck with me through this unintentionally long diatribe, thank you! Maybe take a moment to give the writers some comments or replies on social media, showing your love! I know I will!

[batboyblog]

Interesting thing to consider regarding our situation from Magdi Jacobs. She’s been fairly levelheaded so far about all this. The Pandemic really did change us all and how we perceive things.

The constant stressful vigilance we all needed during the pandemic is still in effect from that era, and that’s why there’s such a disconnect between what we see and feel as true:

https://x.com/magi_jay/status/1812531377184653581?s=46&t=9ilK5pqP73XDblTtTbb4Qg

I don't disagree with her, and I know for a fact she also agrees with what I have to say here:

Covid is part of it, maybe it is its own thing, maybe it super charged something that had been happening in slow-mo before

but I think algorithmic social media is breaking all our brains and Covid locked SO many of us inside with it for a year and a half or so where our only "human" contact was through social media and that was NOT helpful

There's lots of studies about social media and anxiety and depression, we know algorithms intentionally put stories/posts that upset you into your feed, we know that social media causes negative polarization.

speaking just of my own experience on twitter over the last two weeks it really challenges your sense of reality, twitter very quickly forms a group think about a current event and it becomes overwhelming, also it destroys any sense of time and prospective, so nothing is allowed to just be bad it has to be THE WORST THING EVER! and from the debate and now Trump's fist pump after getting shot at everything is NOW! the election is not 4 months away with all the events that will take over the news, people are voting just this second and only based on this news story rn! AAHHHH!!! !

by its short form nature twitter makes it feel as if people are having a conversation with you, but your ability to reply and question their statements is limited and I think that makes for extreme anxiety if the group think challenges your understanding of events/reality. So Joe Biden had a bad debate night, sounded bad, looked bad, he was a sick, jet lagged, overworked, old man and looked and sounded like all of that. Oh well, but the group think quickly shifted to "this is the worst thing ever, he clearly has dementia!" and you were bombarded by that over and over, in more and more shrill and condescending tones. And it became very stress inducing because people were seeing something you didn't see and insisting "don't believe your eyes and ears! believe my hot takes!" and you felt like you were losing your mind.

This is one current event but this happens on social media all the time, twitter is bad, TikTok is worse.

I also think for "younger" (under 40?) people raised on reality TV, and more so instagram, Facebook, now TikTok picture and video based social media there's a, life as reality TV show quality, an unspoken performance and need to make our lives seem perfect for an unseen (and not real) audience, and also to be seen as having the right views, but living in quick sand where liking or using anything could become a problem at any point and having to keep up endlessly. I also think this is intensely anxiety producing and also just debilitating, I don't think you can DO anything good in the world with that mindset

final thought: I've said for awhile I think why you see so many people declaring the economy is bad, regularly saying its historically, Great Depression levels bad, when it is in fact really good, as near to full employment as we've ever had lots of great economic indicators is left over Covid trauma.

We all went through a scary, sad, upsetting time in our lives. But because we ALL did if nothing happened to you particularly, you didn't get hospitalized, don't have long Covid, no one you're close with died and you couldn't be there for them, it might feel like "nothing" happened. So people are reaching for a "logical" reason for that edgy, sad, nervous, upset, unhappy feeling they can't get rid of. Normally that comes from economic anxiety, fear of not having enough money, or losing a job etc. So many people are reporting that they think the national economy is terrible while saying they think they themselves are doing well, that their local or state economy (that they see an interact with) is doing good, while the nation is doing bad, somehow. People are spending like they're doing well as well, never had it so good, never felt so bad.

I suspect its because we're all still dealing with Covid feelings, and thanks to social media, the death of common spaces, political radicalization, we never really came together and drew a line under Covid, it just kinda sputtered out and we slowly went back to our lives like nothing happened.

[cluelessbees]

Mike's Anxiety in Season 2

OKAY, I really wanted to explore/discuss Mike's anxiety in season 2. Specifically around losing Will. Because the show really focuses a lot on Joyce's anxiety but rarely does it touch on Mike's (even tho its clearly hinted at).

You can see throughout the season that Mike is really protective over Will. Whenever Will gets a vision and Mike snaps him out of it. He always hugs him the exact same way. Like outside the arcade and on halloween.

It's the same huge. I don't thing it's just a sign of comfort. I feel like its also Mike's way to coping. He's ensuring himself like I got him. He's here. He's holding him close because he's afraid of letting go and losing him again.

And if you think about it. It really makes sense because Mike was one of the last people to see Will. He disappeared after leaving Mike's house. There is a sense of guilt from that. And if you remember the next day of school, he was the only party member who felt something off about not seeing Will.

Everyone else brushed it off and so he did too. And he went about his day as normal, only to find out his gut feeling was right and that Will was gone. And that stuck with him. He was right and he ignored his gut. And in season 2 you sort of get a parallel to that moment when Will goes to the doctors.

The same thing happens where Mike has a bad feeling and Lucas just tries to reassure him its nothing/downplay it. But this time Mike doesn't ignore the feeling. It sticks.

Because he knows that the last time he ignored it, he was wrong.

Along with all this you also see how much more Mike panics compared to everyone else when Will is sort of unaccounted for.

Like when he finds him in Halloween he's FRANTICALLY asking if Will was okay. He even mentioned how he couldn't find him and that scared him. He was terrified that something happened to Will again. Same thing happens when Mike notices Will wasn't there when they were looking for dart. You can see the rush of panic flood through him. He is terrified.

Like– you can't tell me that in those moments he wasn't experiencing flashbacks to when Will disappeared.

And the next day at school, when Will didn't show up . We see Mike notice and we see how much it affects him. And, unlike season 1, the first chance he gets he calls their home.

And when no one answer, he plans to immediately head to their house the second school is over.

And he doesn't just ask nicely/quietly. he keeps pushing to see Will.

Is Will here? Is he okay? Those were the first thoughts that came to his mind. He wasn't even listening to what Joyce was saying. He just needed to see Will and make sure he isn't hurt (You can literally see him try and peer through the door).

I don't know it's just so sad to see how scared Mike is of losing Will! Like the events of season 1 really affected him mentally and I just really wanted to explore it more in depth.

[lunajay33]

Jealous🤎

Summary:You have feelings for Daryl but you can’t help but be jealous of his relationship with Carol

•Masterlist•

You all had just got to the prison and we’re staying in the yard for the night until you cleared out the prison tomorrow

You were sitting around the fire eating when you looked over to see Daryl and Carol on top of the over turned bus

“Jealous?” I heard beside me to see Maggie and Glenn laughing at me

I exploded in a blush

“What no, what are you even talking about”

“We all see the way you look at him” Glenn smiled

“Doesn’t even matter he clearly likes Carol”

“Oh come on, they’re just friends” Maggie said

“Even if they are, Daryl’s too good for me, wouldn’t matter” I said picking at my food, that’s when Daryl and Carol walked over and Glenn and Maggie had a sad look

The next day~

We fought our way into the prison and everyone picked a cell to stay in, I picked the cell right next to the perch where Daryl then picked to stay on

It was late at night and Maggie came in

“Hey you doing okay” she asked sitting infront of me

“Maggie I’m fine, I’ll get over it”

“Sweetie, you have to tell him, it’ll eat you up inside, you have to get your feelings out”

“Easy for you to say, Glenn fell head over heels for you immediately”

“Come on i see you pinning over Daryl everyday, you have to get this off your chest”

The whole time I forgot Daryl slept right outside my cell and he heard all of this

“No Maggie I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, it’ll never happen, its a dream that’s all plus he has Carol so that’s the end of the conversation and I’m not good enough for him, please drop it” I said as my voice cracked looking away so she wouldn’t see me cry

“Im sorry, I’ll leave you be for tonight” she said as she left

I laid down and cried trying to be silent

I stayed up all night, not being able to sleep with my mind racing

I left my cell to see Daryl up too

“Hey what’re you doing up?” I asked

“Couldn’t sleep” he groaned

“You okay?” I asked worried

“ ‘m fine, you?”

“Im okay, glad we found this place” I said sitting next to him on the perch

“Ya, got lucky”

We sat in silence for a while

“Ya know me and Carol ain’t a thing right” he said

“Really? Sure seems like it” I said shocked

“Nah just a friend, trust me, no need to worry yer little head” he said picking at his fingers

“What do you mean?”

“I heard ya and Maggie earlier”

I was stunned, embarrassed really

“Just forget about all that” I said standing up to leave but he stopped me

“Wait…..I’ve had my eye on ya since Atlanta, and if anything I’m not good enough for you”

“Please Daryl, you’re handsome, you have a kind heart even though you don’t show others, I se the way you have your own way of showing love, how could I compete” I smiled seeing a blush on his cheeks

“I ain’t good at this emotion crap but, yer beautiful, in every way, and I’d like to show ya that everyday…..if ya let me”

“Id love that Daryl, very much” I smiled feeling like the luckiest girl in the world

~~~~~~~~

Hey everyone lmk how you liked it please and if you’d like to see more Daryl stories

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

👁️👁️🔂👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

cringe at myself.....,.....

im aa FOOOOOLLLLLLLL 🫥

Sometimes i think, im a real artist or something..

But whats even real about me? everything i do only exists online

majority of it being on TUNBLR of all places.

fragile fucking tumblr.

my entire life is my imagination and fantasies my entire life is a thoughtform. how can i be a real artist if im barely even a real person in "reality".

not even banishedgirl but intangible girl.

The other day, when i posted about how i want to use the inter net less but im too lonely to stop, i feel it came back to bite me today, in a way i didnt want at all, for the short time my blog was gone, and this brought to my attention, how truly deeply foolish i am

i could disappear so fast like nothing because its all just 👉🧠💭 up here

Even tho my blog is back now. i cant get that feeling off of me. Like yeah there no reason my blog would actually be deleted, unless you know like, tumblr just got discontinued as a website. Which is not an unlikely scenario. i often wonder how long they'll keep paying for these servers. We saw what happened with myspace...

if tumblr was gone, id really be GONE gone

like. i dont exist.

sick to my stomach all day. even if i export my blog and put it on a hard drive ... does it even matter? it literally is not even "matter" it is pixels it is thin air.

How do i be a real girl in the real world

in utena , the "real world" is actually all an illusion. and i believe that to be true for our world too. In a way ive always believed my fantasies and spirits are more real than my body

But i still do want to exist here. i almost have to live in denial about this to stay sane. But i want to exist forever. i want a normal life and friends. i want normal things.. its disgusting.. i feel sick!!!!! im so happy but im so miserable. i love myself but im so insecure. i dont understand anything. i resent fakeness but im fake too. im all just words and space and airy air air

How do i change my life how do i stop yearning to Prove that i exist..... Why do i want to prove it so bad

WHY DID I HAVE TO BE CONFRONTED W THIS TODAY WHAT AM I BEING CALLED TO DO

Like dude i am already going thru it lately. i didnt need any more crisisfuel.

IDK i have to believe its some kind of catalyst to save myself , lest i succumb to the void

it has to show me something i needed to see.

Stuff like this makes me want to disappear in a way that i have total agency over. (Not like in a killing my self way but just in a going away way.) Thats not practical though is it i know thats my evil side talking.

trapped in a sticky web trapped in this glue trap thats what gets me all defiant.

the book im reading rn is from the 70s. i wish i was writing books not posts... i wish i was meeting people in real life the way the author describes in the book. I know the vainly imagined past doesnt hold all the answers either. Good chance i wouldve been institutionalized for woman hysteria or st. But i dont like whats happening here i dont feel natural at all. And its not just me who feels it, clearly.

if only i could be the one who finds comfort in impermenance.

do i accept what im dissatisfied with, do i try to change, or both, or neither?

i am sad

i am existentially disturbed

and i am fucking arrogant 🥴

for wanting to be real.

FUCK!!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[brabblesblog]

Safety

Part 6 of the Goodnight Moon series

The confession has its repercussions.

More angst (happy ending at the end of the series) and more slow, slow burn.

Read on AO3.

Part 5

Part 7

Masterlist.

Astarion hears the words, but it doesn't really register. What? He blinks, taking a moment for it to sink in. He had heard those same words before, countless times from countless lips - lips soon to be screaming and crying as Cazador took them away. He instinctively flinches away from your grasp, taking a sharp breath. This isn't the same situation, he tries to remind himself, but is it not?

Did he not manipulate his way into your bed? Into your heart? Did he not do this to send you Cazador's way? To kill him this time, sure, but what difference did that make?

And shouldn't he be happy? Your devotion to him was clearly written on your face. You died for him. Surely you would go to the ends of the earth to rid him of Cazador. But all he feels is a mix of relief and a twisted pain in his chest where his heart was. Relief that you had finally come back to him, yes, but that pain - he refused to look too deeply into it.

He looks to your soft, sad eyes and slipped his mask back on. It takes seconds to do, seconds you would have normally seen but not right now in your current condition.

"That's even worse, darling," he hisses, trying to bring as much venom into his words. "Love is for the foolish, the unlucky, the damned. I-," he almost falters, but presses on, "I don't do love. Let's just keep this fun, alright?"

You look away. Of course. That explained those faraway eyes whenever you were together. You try not to cry, but it was hard. Not expecting anything in return was one thing, but having your feelings dismissed so nonchalantly was another. You nod curtly and lay back down, stretching your neck out. If this was the case, you can only really think of one reason he'd be here.

"I understand," you say, in a small whisper, eyes brimming with tears. He can see it, can almost taste your pain, but he cannot - will not - do anything about it. "Just feed, please, and then you can go. I need to rest."

He stares at you in confusion. "Why would I - you're -"

He stops himself, realizing why. Instead he shakes his head. "You don't really have much blood left inside you, so I shall abstain today. I just came by on the way to hunt to make sure my little snack was going to be alright. And it seems like you are." He pats your hand twice, awkwardly. "I shall go, then. Good night," he says a little too cheerily, turning to leave.

If he hears the soft muffled sounds of your sobbing as he does, he ignores it.

As the days pass you slowly recover, thanks to Shadowheart and Halsin's help. You have been staying with the druid more often of late, as he helped you walk and would carry you when your body finally gave up walking. Astarion seemed to be acting like nothing had happened between you that night. He was back to his usual flirty, sassy self, and you were all too happy to just let that happen. There were too many problems for you and everyone at camp, and you were all too happy to just push this one to the side for now.

You still asked him to come feed on you at night, and without fail he would show up. Your little conversations in your tent remained the same. The only thing that changed was that whenever he would reach out - to touch your hand, or to cup your cheek - you would flinch slightly, but let him do it anyway. It meant nothing to him, you knew, but you couldn't really resist these small morsels of affection he gave no matter how insincere it was.

As the group traveled the underdark and the shadow cursed lands, Astarion begins spending more time at your tent after he had fed. There was nothing to hunt here, the lands barren and desolate. Inevitably it brought you two closer, but you knew not to let hope into your heart.

"Tomorrow we have to look for last night inn," you say, yawning. He had fed a lot today, as the fights had taken a lot of his energy. He nods and takes your hand, lazily tracing your knuckles. "Mm. I shall scout ahead. Which direction was it again?"

You frown. "Why do you like being in front? You don't trust me to have your back anymore? We used to fight back to back and- ugh. Never mind." You worry you pushed too far, asked too many things and upset the delicate situation you two had.

He tilts his head to meet your eyes. His were oddly round and shiny, as though he was about to cry.

"To keep you safe," he says in such a small voice that it's almost inaudible. You notice that his hand gripped yours tightly now, terrified of letting go.

"I can keep myself safe, Astarion. If anything, I keep you safe," you say, joking a little bit. He does not find it the least amusing. His eyes narrow and he almost hisses. "No," he says, his voice low and rough. "You are incapable of that, darling. You did it once, and it killed you. No more."

You take a deep breath, trying not to react in a way that would push him away. "Thank you for your concern. I am well though. I have been training with Halsin as well. I have seen my errors and am improving in combat. You can ask him."

His grip in your hand is almost painful now. He wants to scream, to tell you how much fear he felt when you died, how he could never live through that again. He bites his lip hard, enough to draw blood.

"Be as it may, me leading in the front has been beneficial to the group," he says quickly. It was true, to a point. He knew though that he had to leave. Any more of this conversation, and he was afraid he'd open his mouth and his heart would come spilling out onto your hands.

"Thank you, yet again, for the blood," he says as he slaps on a well-practiced smirk. "I shall see your delicious self tomorrow."

You nod, closing your eyes and settling in for the night.

He gives you once last glance, and is unable to completely stop himself. He leans over you and you feel soft lips press against yours. You feel a soft gust of wind as the tent flap is opened and when you open your eyes, he is gone.

[lovebvni]

EGO; a callout.

unknowingly, for years now, i’ve been struggling with my own inner ego. what was that ego doing? basically telling me to never take no for an answer.

i want to preface by saying this doesn’t have to be a sign for you, you could be following me and have seen this and i’m a relatively large account here on tumblr, somehow. this also does not apply to all things. this, for the most part, does not apply to reality shifting. when you ask “i’m i going to shift at ‘x’ time and you get a ‘no’, that doesn’t mean give up! there’s a difference between PERSISTENCE (positively defying odds) and NEGATIVE DEFIANCE. i just so happen to negatively be defying what im told.

this post is to simply inform, help people with self concept, and for me to move forward. this will be me exposing myself negatively and some humiliation so i can move forwards. this is not negative self talk, this is putting down the ego that has controlled me for so long.

let me also say ego is something all of us have. how much of it you have determines if it’s good or bad.

since i was young, i was always pushy. i would force my friends to do things i didn’t personally want to do, persuade my parents (because they are divorced) to give me special things because i was sad… and because of that i didn’t like being told no. i still don’t. whenever the word “no” or “not this time” came out of someone’s mouth, i would get angry and throw tantrums. i would take it out on THEM because THEY didn’t see my best interest in mind.

to this day, i am like that. if my mother called me and i asked her to buy me something that i could buy myself, and she said no, i would probably really pissed off at her and shut her out. she’s providing for two kids and two dogs and I have the NERVE to ask her to take money out of HER paycheck from a job SHE just got to buy me something i can ACTIVELY afford myself? no, bitch. that’s fucking ego.

just recently, i had a show, and my mom told me glue eyelashes were harmful, so she didn’t want me getting them for a church show. i didn’t like that answer so i ARGUED with her in PUBLIC about getting FAKE EYELASHES WITH HER MONEY for a SHOW. not even for personal use or to go to school, for a show. a one time thing that would not be long term.

when i finally pushed her over the edge and she caved, i bought them, tried them, used them, and didn’t like them. i went back to the store a week and a half later to return them.

i thought I KNEW what was best for me, and even if i did, i still IGNORED my mothers guidance, went against her will, and did what I WANTED TO DO.

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ISNT ALWAYS THE RIGHT THING. YOU NEED TO HAVE DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES FOR A REASON! why do you think most shifters and manifestors only shift/manifest after being in a community and getting guidance? BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

this has happened a lot to me, with friends, advisors, teachers, and more. yet i’m going to be a cunt and decide only I know what’s best for me. that, inherently, is not true. the voice in your head or heart is not always telling you the truth, sometimes it’s making you delusional.

this can also be flipped on its head, as you can absolutely be right but you allow yourself to be walked all over. this is a lack of ego. you let everyone else’s words guide you and never ask your intuition or inner self for help until it’s too late.

you’re neglecting yourself, and i believe it’s a form of self hatred.

you need to find a balance, and a balance for you. don’t allow yourself to be stepped on, but allow yourself to be pushed in directions you don’t like all the time.

live in your truth, but without rose-coloured glasses or a log in your eye. Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye." Matthew 7:4-5.

from a place that was hiding in my heart,

the abyss

[agirlwithglam]

✨ GIRL TALK #2 💗

thoughts on hate & caring about what others think of you.

Regardless of what people think of you, you need to understand that it only matters/ means something if you decide it to. What i mean is that i know lots of people say “you should only care about your opinion. Others opinion of you dont matter” but that’s only true if YOU DECIDE IT TO BE TRUE. I will say this again: this is your life!!!!!

If you choose to accept and believe the nonsense that others will think/ say of you, then you are saying “i dont have the confidence and self love in myself to only accept my opinion, so im going to give you the power over my emotions and how i act :)” do you really want to do that? Because that’s what you’re doing when you start acting based on how you think others are gonna think of you and what their perception is.

Remember: what other people think of you is just THEIR PERCEPTION. Stop making your personality & yourself dependent on what another person thinks of you!!

And also, some people will literally just hate on anything because of how sad their life is. I mentioned this before, and im gonna mention it again: there could be a video of CATS PLAYING on YouTube and you’ll find someone criticising and hating on that. That’s how sad some of these people in life are. So stop trying to or thinking that since you love yourself and you’re “perfect” that everyone should/ would like you because THATS NOT TRUE.

I read this quote once: “you could be the most juiciest, yummiest apple in the world, yet there would still be someone out there who doesn’t like apples.”

“So then.. what do i do if I receive hate? It’s still mean and hurtful.”

WHY does it still hurt??? WHY are you giving that person ANY control over how you feel???? If this person is someone who’s your friend or close to you, when they do it, TELL THEM THAT YOU DONT LIKE IT!!! Without communication and understanding, you will only start to build resentment for the other person, creating a toxic relationship. Comunícate your boundaries clearly by telling them that firmly, NOT in a joking manner, that you don’t like it. Now ofc if they do it once more, remind them again. Most of the time, if this person really cares about you, they will respect your feelings and stop doing that. But if it happens more times, you’ve gotta stop giving your energy to them. Reserve that for something that actually matters.

You may or may not have noticed that i did not write “just cut them out” because i know how difficult that can be, especially if you’re a kid still living with your parents. Because at some times, you’re stuck in the situation you’re in for a while (for example: a workplace, living at home, in 1 class at school) so its not as easy to just “cut them out”. And that’s why i wrote “stop giving your energy to them”. Because THATS what the parasites are feeding on! Your energy and attention! Take that away from them and see what happens.

BUT….;

know that what I’m NOT saying is to be a stone-cold bitch who doesn’t care at all about others or their happiness. (Because honestly, doing that shows me that you’re a lot more insecure) A lot of people now would be like “but it’s not my responsibility to ensure they’re happy. They are their own person in charge of their own actions and feelings!” Sure, ok. But then don’t come whining to me about how you have no friends and how you feel so lonely and sad. ‘You’re your own person and in charge of your own feelings’, remember? So if someone decides to leave a relationship (whether it’s a friendship, or with romance) with you because you don’t make them feel happy, then don’t be surprised about that because ‘they are their own person.’

But look, i completely agree with the fact that you and every individual indeed are in charge of their own feelings and actions, but just stop and think about it for a sec; would YOU want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t give a hoot about your happiness? Yuck, no!!

So to put it in more simple/ plain terms: be KIND to people, bring smiles to peoples faces when you can (give them a compliment, help them out, listen to them, offer advice, etc.) but don’t something that compromises your own wellbeing and happiness. Cus like, how is complimenting someone’s hair or eyes gonna hurt you? If anything it would just make you happier. But also don’t live your life constantly on the edge, afraid of what he’s gonna think of you, what shes gonna say about you, etc. etc.

I guess that’s pretty much it. <3 anyyywayys i hope you enjoyed the 1st edition of the series! If you have requests, comment on this post of send an ask using the ‘tea’ button ☕️

Xoxo, Vanilla