#its personal. i dont WANT to tell anyone. but literally everyone else on the internet does

[ev1lde4d]

aaggghfhdh

[ravewing]

cambrian period dashboard simulator

redlichiida-realdeactivated0455414

petition to ban anomalocarises from the local sandbar. theyre so fucking big and it's freaking everyone out and me personally ion want a trilobite muncher looming over me when im trying to have a drink.

🪲 trillybite17 Follow

they dont call them the ABNORMAL shrimp for nothing, they're fucking weird

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

No, you know what petition needs to be started? One to get rid of ignorant bigots like you. Have you ever SEEN an Anomalocaris ever eat– let alone ATTACK– a trilobite? No, you haven't. Because they DON'T EAT TRILOBITES. Do some fucking research before you say shit like this.

⚜️ splendidmarrella Follow

fyi if you get rid of anomalocarises from public spaces then you will quite literally starve. you know those dead soft-bodied organisms yall scavenge and eat? yeah anomalocaris is the one providing those for you. as a scavenger myself i have been personally impacted by loss of food due to unfair treatment of anomalocarises that have forced them to leave the shallows that i live in and let me tell you eating detritus and nothing else is literally awful. please think twice before you post something prejudiced like this.

🩶 pleurae71 Follow

common hallucigenia + marrella W

ignore the OP, i promise most of us trilobites aren't like them- i don't even know why this is a debate. i guarantee they've never stepped outside of their little rock cave in their life

🌀 xcorynexospikesx Follow

LMFAOO they deactivated☠️

32,354 notes

🫧 cambripuns Follow

What do you call a Hurdiidae without any eyes? A Hurddae!

♟️vampeytoia Follow

actually you'd call it 'uncle maximilien' because my uncle maximilien was hatched with no eyes

💼 stanley-shrimp Follow

Valerie, you and I both know damn well that you do not have an "Uncle Maximilien," let alone one with no eyes. Stop lying on the internet and stop leaving your soft-bodied organism carcasses on my front sandbed. It smells putrid.

♟️ vampeytoia Follow

wow ok mr fun police. just go and piss on my parade like that

51,039 notes

👾 fiveeyedcoolguy Follow

giys i.m tripping bals rn lol. shuld not hv eaten tge 'detritus " browni e from the hallucigna.. i saw thr magic anomllcrais

🪱 pinkpikaiapage Follow

What?? Elaborate

👾 fiveeyedcoolguy Follow

He told me a prophecy

6,211 notes

🦐 apexshrimpy Follow

she cambrian on my period till i explosion

#anomalo talks #misc tag #is this hash tag funny or no?

211 notes

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

thinking about dying my spikes again. what color should i get?

🍢 leancho852 Follow

Do magenta to match your skateboard!!

🎸 punkrock-halluci Follow

ohh that's actually really smart thanks🙏

17 notes

🪨 shalesifters Follow

🧽 the-odontogriphus767 Follow

yo wtf. none of these fuck the landmasses. we're all in the ocean for a REASON

🦪 biofilmer08 Follow

Hey, actually, a few other molluscs and I browse on the microbial biofilm :)

♟️ vampeytoia Follow

🤓

9,761 notes

🕸️ arthropodstemz Follow

reblog if u get around by undulating ur lateral lobes

21,006 notes

📜 g-wiwaxia Follow

Did anyone else happen to see @shalesifters poll on the landmasses (followed by the reblog of the mollusc)? I'd like to think that I was born in the wrong generation. I should have been able to experience the joys of being a land-dweller. I may just have grown tired of being in the ocean every day; quite frankly I just want some sort of change or reform (especially considering the incredulous prices of jellyfish nowadays...)

#Rant #I hope you guys get the idea. I expect some (likely a copious amount of, actually) hate for this one, but regardless I thought that I'd share my thoughts here #I'd like to move to Laurentia

74 notes

📸 daily-cambrian-pics Follow

⚜️ splendidmarrella Follow

omg thats me on the bottom in the middle! @romip51212 @kookykootenia look its us from earlier today

🫑 kookykootenia Follow

Woah whatt this is actually crazy

🍤 romip51212 Follow

yo i look rad in that.. changing my header immediately

8,121 notes

🦂 radiodont-radiostatic Follow

DNI if you support any of the anti-anomalocaris propaganda that's circling around. Sick and tired of the twisted lies that are being spread on here. I won't stand for the slandering of my brethren.

#static speaks #dni #will not hesitate to block and report any of you bigoted assholes

93 notes

🪼 jlyfsgh224256 Follow

q

79,343 notes

🍌 nectocarisking69420 Follow

I FUCKING LOVE DETRITUS

🍌 nectocarisking69420 Follow

Yo wtf was i on last night

🍢 leancho852 Follow

You were speaking your truth king. Don't hold back

755 notes

🪸 see-you-lagerstatte Follow

thought too long about the big white orb beyond the surface and broke down crying. What to do about this?

#why is it there?????? what is it???? #please im going insane over this

23 notes

🐾 catboycanadaspis Follow

born to say "nya!" and meow. forced to consume the coarse particles found on the sediment surface

886 notes

🌊 tidal-trilobite Follow

hey has anyone else noticed that it's been harder to breathe lately or is it just me? can't afford to go to the doctor for an exam rn

🦀 clackyappendages Follow

I thought that it was just me! I might sound crazy but have there been less archaeocyathids lately??

🐚 sand-muncher-757 Follow

i've had TWO neighbors pass away from hypoxia in the past month, definitely have noticed the breathing issues too. also i havent seen an archaeocyathid in so long either. so weird😬😬

682 notes

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Is there a ship you DON’t like? From what I've seen you seem to like many, even J x N from what I understood!

hmm. good question uhhh XD k here we go uh.

i dont usually like to talk about ships i DONT like because i dont wanna ruin anyone elses experience- its just unnecessary and unless somone asks me specifically i wouldnt share.

[also under cut cuz i ramble alot lmao]

can you tell im very enthusiastic about shipping and character dynamics? 🥺👉👈

now codegold and Jenvy and fullcompany or Luzi or Vhad even are all crackships, hell even Jessa is almost in the crackship area because some of the characters involved are either not fully developed or did not have any significant screentime and its up to the fan/consumer/writer to make their own assumptions and character developments.

i vibe with almost... most crackships? lol, because the fact that they are between characters who have very little canonical and/or meaningful interactions, therefore as a writer i get to think and develop my own interactions where... things yknow... "DEVELOP" XD like how some ppl take backgeound characters from mlp and give them and entire lore and backstory XD

like J and Tessa and even Thad who were very one dimensional and barely there. we cant even talk about J cuz liam straight up assasinated her entire poor fucking character. she has no rhyme or reason or purpose for doing any of the things she did thats why its not easy to like her for the sake of liking her.

meanwhile everyone likes villains like azula, idk catra, bill cypher, invader zim- not necessarily cuz they "have backstories" but because they made SENSE in their respective settings and what people KNEW of them. J.... J makes no sense 😭 Liam essentially didnt give us anything on her for us to connect any dots about her- especially not after somewhat hyping the character up to be AS important as the other cast but then she was just... literally tossed in the scrap dump of the planet. also Thad and a bit of Lizzy and Doll- ive been trying to develop them for a few weeks now for my MD re-writing plans and it has been HARDDD they make no sense in a setting where everything is just for gags and jokes.

but i digress- what i mean to say is- i like crackships cuz i get to MAKE the characters as i enjoy them >:"3 i love writing and doing character studies!

this all being said... i dont blame people for disliking a ship. for some reason shipping characters from shows fucking takes away years of your life- esp when you see one you dislike and your brain cant even bring a goddamn reason for why you hate the ship in the first place- so i genuinely advise people who dislike a ship to just avoid it- breathe XD maybe block the tags- dont interact so the algorythm doesnt try to bother you- tell your friends to not talk about it with you maybe- and overall internet hygiene- you dont need to try and convince yourself to like it unless you want to- but dont bother others about it.

and with all this being said now the ships "I" personally dislike are...

Vizzy, Noll, and Khori....

.....yep.

i wont elaborate on WHY i dislike them so much to the point that i had to unfollow some people just to maintain my sanity, but the thing is sometimes brain isnt convinced with "logic" so big whoop 🤷‍♀️ such is life. hope people who enjoy them have fun tho<3

hope this was helpful 👌

[myymi]

my blog is a safe space for neo&xeno genders&pronouns.

i saw a post bitching about it so i wanna make this clear. i will never judge someone for the gender they identify as or the pronouns they choose to use.

for anyone who thinks that neo&xeno pronouns give the community a bad name i need you to get the fuck off the internet for five minutes and go interact with someone in person. people who use neos&xenos are not expecting anyone to use them. they fully understand that people most likely won't, which is why the first pronoun(s) they'll introduce is he, she, and/or them. then the rest follows. "its selfish to want people to use random words as pronouns. yeah. guess what? it's also selfish to want people to use your own preferred pronouns. it's selfish to want people to call you your name. it's selfish to want people to address you in any specific way. you know why that is? because your identity is something you get to be selfish about.

YOU get to decide how people address you. YOU get to decide your pronouns, your choice of identity, your name, your appearance, etc. you get to be selfish about who you are as a person. it is YOUR LIFE. BE SELFISH ABOUT HOW YOU EXIST. THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT. "you can't expect people to use those pronouns" you can. and you should. it's called basic fucking manners. you address people how they ask to be addressed and they address you how you want to be addressed. what you can't expect is for someone to use your preferred pronouns when you refuse to use theirs.

i don't use any explicit neopronouns now (unless ny/nym counts, but i see them as xenopronouns? i dont fully know the difference though), but i used to. and you know what? i didn't give two shits when everyone used they/them. my neopronoun wasn't there for people to use, it was for me to have. because it was fun and i liked it. only my close friends used my neopronoun and it was one of my favorite things. because i knew strangers who were never intending to stay in my life were never going to use them. and at times i found i didn't want strangers to use it because it felt personal. like it was a nickname that only friends could say. i obviously don't speak for the entire community, but im sharing my experience with using neos to show that the chances of finding anyone who expects strangers to use their neopronouns are slim to nothing. they truly don't expect it.

neo&xeno pronouns and genders dont give the community a bad name, and most people truly do not care if they exist. "people aren't going to take you seriously" literally who the fuck cares? because i don't. and i guarantee those who use neos&xenos dont give a shit either. the whole point of pride is be proud of who you are regardless of who you love and what you identify as. neos&xenos have been around for a long ass time, and there are several people who used neos&xenos of their own that fought for people to be able to express them as freely as any other sexuality or gender. you don't get to exclude that community just because you don't like it. that's not your call to make.

i dont care if you're queer, trans, a poc, mentally ill, or disabled. i don't care what cringey fandom you're in or what kids' game/show you still watch/play or what fan media you create or what ocs/sonas/self inserts you have. i dont care what religion you follow or if you dont follow one at all. as long as you are a good person this is a safe space for you. and you can go through life knowing that someone out there loves you with no conditions attached, even if i dont know you. the way that you identify is valid. don't ever change yourself because someone, especially a stranger who knows nothing about you, tells you that you need to. you are perfect as you are. your identity is yours. don't let anyone else control it. because the only one who you can ever guarantee will be by your side until the very end is yourself. keep you happy.

[artcommunityvent]

heres my rant for today: (sorry in advance for long post)

i hate how modern art communities have to “fandom-ify” every single new trendy thing literally DAYS (and sometimes even hours) after it drops. i know this is a lot of the same sentiment as those people that just go “popular thing bad” but honestly it really puts me off some medias because i dont want to associate with anyone else who likes it

do we really need a million different fan ocs and aus for EVERYTHING? and like, i know its nothing new, obviously we have the onceler and undertale aus to look back on, but its exhausting at this point because while those communities were presumably genuine, in the present day it just feels like the fandom equivalent to an industry plant. and most people dont even stick with the thing they decide to make their entire personality!!

remember when spiderverse came out and everyone made spidersonas? who can you name thats actually drawn their spidersona more than once? it feels like everyone just trend hops, and yes i know thats how the internet is but its just exhausting especially when it brings down otherwise creative and inspired works

fnaf security breach: everyone makes fnaf aus and glamrock animatronics, then spiderverse as previously mentioned, then welcome home dropped and thats becoming a shitshow with how yall are fandomizing what is essentially a small creator telling their ocs lore in a creative way, and now its happening with digital circus. im so tired of seeing projects that are cool and visually appealing becoming a cesspit of bland, unoriginal aus and piles of fanart only to get dropped when the new shiny comes out

and i wanna elaborate on welcome home for a second because i know damn well if one of these people who makes “daddy dom priest wally is actually the devil” aus had an oc they loved, and someone came along and made their own aus of it in the same way, that person would bitch and cry oc theft. some people dont even change up the characters design, like how entitled do you have to be to essentially just steal someones oc and call it your own? it disgusts me how people are treating clown and honestly i wish they would put the series on indefinite hiatus or complete their story privately to teach these people a lesson

another thing that puts me off is how every piece of media has to have the “fandom daddy” for lack of a better term. glamrock freddy, hobie brown, wally darling, or jax, its all the same thing repackaged; someones gotta be the tumblr sexyman. its so tiring—ESPECIALLY as a lesbian who doesnt really wanna center men in my life at all—to wanna see fanart of the media you like and its only: “heres the one character everyones horny for drawn in a totally different and more sexualized body type” with everyone in the comments salivating over them. i really like digital circus! but all i see are people who would walk across a mile of broken glass just to suck a fart out of jax’ ass. what about the other interesting characters? why does EVERY conversation with popular media have to be about “which guy is the most fuckable” (guy specifically because come on, when has a female character been the highlight of attention; using the previous example have you seen ONE person talking about digital circus that even remembers zooble exists)

it feels like nobody can appreciate work anymore without having to claim some form of ownership over it, to say “hey this thing is so popular and important that it is now a part of my identity!! look at my millions of ocs that i will draw one time and never again!” im just tired of people being unable to passively interact with media they enjoy and everyone seeming to fight over and prove some connection to the things they like

tldr: im tired of everyone in the art community making heaps of fanart, aus, and fan ocs for stuff the second it gets popular and then totally forgetting about it the next time something else gets popular

(and before yall bring up hyperfixations: i am autistic; i understand having so much love for a piece of media for a short while and then dropping it for no reason and its heart shattering; BUT AT THE SAME TIME this pattern is on oxford to me and its on such a large scale that it infects the greater art community as a whole)

That is indeed the nature of media consumer at its finest. I do feel like it is more appearent now due to the way most social media algorithm works. They only show what is trending at the moment, so naturally, we are exposed only to this specific thing until another trend eventually takes over.

Even artists who never create fan content can be influenced to do so by looking at the other artists, be it to dive in along the hype for the popularity of it, for the geniune fun, for the sense of community, and many more reasons.

- ☁️

[sugar-omi]

Idk if it’s jealousy but I kind of think cove dater is lying, if not it’s lowkey weird to compare your real life boyfriend this much to a fictional character and share y’all’s texts 🤷‍♀️

i... well. i mean. i don't think cove's behaviors are uncommon. a lot of people are shy, tall n intimidating, have separated parents (correct me if im wrong, just my understanding from when oomf said he visited his dad), or to be stubborn, and doting.

fuck, thats literally me!!! i have characteristics of every Our Life love interest! so i'm not surprised if someone is genuinely like cove and if someone who is in this fandom, is with someone who is very similar to him!!

and the texts, its not nothing someone wouldn't say their partner??? and i also thought about the sharing texts thing, because i know some people dont want their chats shared and some things should be private right. but the things oomf has shared, is so tame to me. so common...

and if they're sharing the texts, who am i, or anyone, to scold them for doing that? it's their business, their life, relationship, texts, and if they wanna share, and it's cool than sweet!!

and again, who am i to be like "huhhh is this okay to share?" or "you shouldnt share your texts with your partner!!" because again, idk anything more than what oomf shares, and who is to say she hasn't talked to their boyfriend about it?

tbh, i kinda think we shouldn't so readily assume, tell or say someone shouldn't do something. there's more that we don't see, and even if things we see on the internet are fake, or could be fake, why get worked up over them?

idk, i kinda view this as like, girl talk!!! just like when you talk to your friends about stuff, especially this kinda thing. again, i'm not gonna question oomf, n if her boyfriend knows/finds out n doesn't like it, i'm happy to delete the posts if needed! n i'm happy if they don't share anything else! it's their business, n if oomf comes and says "okay, can't talk about XYZ/share XYZ sorry" then that's okay!

n about comparing. from our talks alone, and i'm looking back at them right now. i don't see a lot of comparison after the first couple times n those times were quite tame to me. like when the first comment was "i just realized how similar my boyfriend is to cove.." n shared some similarities. and the next was "he's visiting his dad, i miss him/hate that he's gone just like MC and cove" (paraphrasing and all that stuff to simplify/summarize)

idk. personally, from previous messages, i don't see so much comparison that it'd be weird.

n if they're lying, which i never thought n personally, don't see. i really don't care, i have fun chatting with everyone. and i'm not gonna stress myself out over could be lies and faux pretenses, or if it's right for someone else to share their text messges.

i dont believe that she's lying, this just seems like a normal, real, relationship to me n i'm very happy for oomf. and no offense to you anon, i understand where you're coming from, but i do hope oomf doesn't take this message personally.

[angelicyouth]

bro i just realized that most of my happinest comes from imagining myself in fictional scenarios with fictional characters because in the real world i dont really have anyone i feel i can truly trust, so really at this point one of my only sources of happiness is just being somewhat delusional thinking fictional people care about me when in reality i dont know if anyone will truly even care about me in that extent, i dont even think i could even love myself the way i want people to love me because i just see myself as a generally displeasing person to be around because im too much too bear or too confusing or too angry and people dont wanna put up with me and ive just been realizng that for the past months and it makes me wish i was someone else who could be better than whoever i am, i dont even know at this point who i really am and i wish i was better and funnier and not someone who is the embodiment of a dissapointment.i cant even bring myself to talk about my problems to people irl no matter how much id like to because im too scared to be a burden or just seem overexaggrerating so its eating me from the inside and i cant bring myself to be someone i want to be, all i do is just stay in my room all day because i dont have the energy to do anything anymore. thing that i used to like dont seem the same anymore and i just wanna be held by someone and to be told that its okay to not be okay but if someone actually did it would feel like just a big lie because i dont have that much of an excuse to not be okay so really im putting down other people's problems and looking for attention and i feel so guilty for even feeling this way but at the same time i dont wanna let go of these feelings because it feels like if i have them people will actually care about me and ill have someone by my side and if i dont feel sad then nobody would have any reason to pity me and nobody would really wanna hangout with me anymore and it feels so comflicting and it makes me wanna shut myself away from everyone and continue to pretend everything is okay even if nothing feels okay. i wish i was someone else, maybe then nothing like this would happen.

that one relatable moment where you have nobody 2 vent 2 so you vent as an anon 2 a random blog ran by the literal nicest person ever

-mango anon

mango bby :(

first of all—i’m proud of you for being honest with your feelings! i’m sure it took a lot of courage to come forward and to talk about this with someone else so please give yourself some self care in my place for taking that monumental step!

i know that it may not mean much if i say this because of how overused this line is but truly, don’t ever feel bad about what you’re feeling. always remember that the need for attention is normal and common to all humans. it’s not only limited to that but the need for comfort is also normal and common, the need for physical touch is normal, the need for validation, for acknowledgment, for a positive reaction to yourself, a need to express yourself, to talk about yourself, to voice your pain, to feel valued and important—it’s all normal and a part of just being a human being.

so please, don’t beat yourself up over having those. if you’re struggling with some of them particularly, it doesn’t mean you’re “needy”. anyone who doesn’t get those things would go to deprivation mode and end up craving them severely, eventually. those needs should be met at default and as your friend, i always want to ensure that i can readily provide those for you! so don’t feel ashamed for voicing those thoughts to me because i appreciate that you trust me enough to tell me as i genuinely want to help you. i know i may seem like a random blog run by someone you don’t know from the internet but that doesn’t mean my friendship for you is less valid. so please, if you ever need to talk to someone or just need me to listen then always remember that i’m here for you. because how else would i know what to help you with if it’s not said?

and i know that you feel delusional for seeking comfort from fictional characters but that’s simply not true. because personally, through my own writing, what these people say or do are essentially extensions of the authors who use them in their literature. so whenever craig and kenny talk to reader in youth, they’re not just baseless things that are said just cause for the plot. they’re actual words with real meaning and intent to whoever is reading their dialogue. so with that in mind, what they both have said is their words of affirmation and reassurance to you:

feelings aren’t illogical. they aren’t wrong nor are they here for no reason. they aren’t a failure of self control, they aren’t a burden, and they are not an inconvenience. emotions are generated from actual things that happened, they are normal reactions to things that actually happened!! if you feel sad, anxious, hurt, overwhelmed, mad, frustrated—even if it seems illogical, there’s a very good reason you feel this way. you aren’t supposed to control how you feel, you aren’t supposed to doubt your emotions. they are always just a reaction, they do not come from you!! they’re not your failure, feeling all this is normal and logical under unbearable circumstances of anything that’s happened.

i hope you will be kinder to yourself babe, you deserve it :< it makes me so, so upset when you can’t see how amazing you are in my eyes and i bet everyone else’s just because of some mistakes you made along the way or any ill feelings you harbor for yourself. i really wish you didn’t beat yourself up so much over them, those mistakes or whatever negative things that have happened don’t define you.

and remember: you’re not stuck the way you are now. every day you have the potential to grow and to learn, and you do grow and learn, all the time! it may not feel like it because it’s so subtle, but you do. the universe won’t let you get stuck, there is so much more to discover and i’ll always be here with you along the way! it’s inevitable to make mistakes, it’s human nature and wouldn’t make sense to be perfect on the get-go. no one is like that. just remember, progress can’t be compared. progress is still progress and slow + steady will still win the race! as long as you’re not changing yourself to cater to someone else’s needs or society’s standards then i will always support your desire to strive for the best version of yourself!!♡

[jennyyyeeettt]

stuff i learned more on the internet than irl

get a drink

you are unique, you are a part of the universe.

don't change, unless it's for the better and it makes you feel good

real friends care about you

what you need is more important than what you want

you write your own story, don't let others decide for you

there's no shame in being who you truely are, whoever doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time

be proud of the little things you did bec. 5% is better than 0%

nothing lasts forever, so choose to "seize the day"//carpe diem boys//

if you are not where you are try to get there with plans and imaginatioins

imagine ur best self and show up as them

nothing is wrong with you, you are loved. bec there are many people in the world u didn't meet. and there's no way you are not someone's type

you are not ugly, u r just bored of ur face bec u see it everyday since you've been born and u hearedthe comments on it

stay nice or quiet, everyone has their battles

no mattar how much u think you are fucked up rn, months later things will change and u will forget about it

grief doesnt go away with time, time just teaches us to "deal with it"

just bec it doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't mean it's ok

karma is real, she just takes time and sometimes works secretly

romantic love isn't more important than platonic love

just bec someone is doing it, does't mean you HAVE to

if the story doesn't fit you, change something about it

being "private" is not the same as being "secretive" in relationships

before jumping to conclusions, ask and discuss, -with a good, none threatening tone-

love changes a person, even if it's not quickly

not being productive doesn't mean being worthless

being in a slump is not being lazy

everyone is an addict to something

treat yourself like you would a child every now and then and be a better parent to yourself

you are gorgeous anyways, so don't care what others say

if you fail, try again! it does't define you, it's not a part of u, it's like a game.. when a game says "game over" you just reply it

labels are so overrated, don't stress about it.. u do u

distance is a bitch, unless its distancing from toxic ppl and behaviours

love is not selfish love is understanding and comprimizing

saying i love you is not dangerous when its used with the right people

words of affermation ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT

a "hopeless case" is never "hopeless"

the person they called "useless", made someone's day and helped them through a tough life

life is short, take risks, tell the people that you love how much they mean to you. no time for being fake.

idk if i already said that but fake it till u make it fr fr bro

push yourself bec no one else will, but also be kind to yourself -very difficult balance- IF you read all that, i hope you at least saw a thing that was helpful, I learned them literally from the internet (friends and communities and all) and I've been doing that for the past 2 years and they work with me, i didnt realize them at first but being a bit of a self critic i realized these stuff, even people now started to point it out. me and one of my fav internet bsff realized how we changed over the years and talking to their mom she also noticed it and its just so great to see how we both affected eachother and encouraged eachother to be better ... nothing is better than to find a home in yourslef .. doesnt mean it doesnt get tough sometimes, doesnt mean that i dont struggle with anything, but we are all humans, overall all we do is change and grow and its either to the best or not, it gets hard, but good relationships fixes the broken parts over time .. im so grateful for my family aka my internet besties :3 its 5 30 am and i need to sleep .. got a bit emotional lol :') hope yall have a good day/night take care

[ultimateloserboy]

jesus christ bro!! calling me vile is crazy!! im sorry if i was mean in my first post, i know i was being a bit immature but damn dude. let me explain why you misread my first post:

first of all, this is ironic, because your entire post is about the character they gave him AFTER the original game. my first post was specifically about the original game. before anything else dropped.

In the og game he attacked EVERYTHING. alice was terrified of him, so was everything else. because he didnt aim for henry AT ALL. he aimed for ANYTHING around him. they may have retconned this, but in the og game he was never a sentient person and i know this because i loved the game since its alpha. you can pretend he was always a certain way all you want but the truth is that og bendy, maybe not now, was just attacking anything.

also yes! you can not be fully sentient and still feel things like rage and stuff!! thats not me being contradicting, its just complexity!

also im genuinely sorry if you think i was insulting random people, but that post was about people who sexualize everything for the sake of it. and again, let me reiterate, i went out of my way to say nobody who has a crush on him or whatever is a zoo or something because i agree, thats insane. i was saying how he fell victim to an internet-wide sexualization that made people blind to his og character. NOT his tdr one. thats the whole point man. JUST his og one. THE ORIGINAL BEFORE THE OTHER GAMES CAME OUT.

i also said that it makes me upset how the va and other things have said he is “flirty” or something because hey! what! how was that ever apart of his character? at all?

also, im kind of sickened at the idea i implied that people who cant speak are infants or something?? THATS vile, i never said that. and tom cant talk and hes perfectly sentient, so why the fuck does bendy act nothing like him? and dont say personality because.. guess what.. og bendy has no distinct human personality!! let me say it again. ORIGINAL… BENDY.. NOT TDR!!!!!!!!

“no canon says this!” dude!!!! literally watch the first game and only the first game!!!!!! without thinking about anything that came after!!! because i played the og game before anything else was developed and hes COMPLETELY different! you have hindsight bias!

all the insults in my first post were made specifically for people who sexualize everything and make everyone around them uncomfortable, you can literally see in my replies that there are people who “crush” on him and i didnt say anything bad to them because they arent hurting anyone as long as they arent ACTUALLY weird!! and by weird i meant, again, sexualizing everything!

YOUR insults are directed specifically at me, so tell me again that you hate when people are insulted randomly..

and telling me to get out of the fandom is hilarious considering i just said im not in it anymore because as i minor i was driven out by constant nsfw!

also telling me to talk about actual sexual predators is ridiculous considering i wasnt trying to call anyone out or spread awareness, i was just venting the frustrations i had as a child! also I WASNT CALLING ANYONE A FUCKING PREDATOR?!!?

Keep in mind this is all about bendy, from bendy and the fucking ink machine! and rethink why youre implying im “vile” and downright ableist because i hate the retconning of his ORIGINAL character i grew up with!! this wasnt about you man idk why you got so offended, genuinely!

and PS, as an abuse victim, you trying to say im downplaying the abuse of fucking BENDY is insane! which, by the way, he wasnt abused in the og game! WHICH MY POST WAS ABOUT!

ok you know what im gonna say it with my full chest. literally nobody talks about bendy (the character) like who he actually is and ive been tired of it since the old game ended. i think hes genuinely one of the most incorrectly fanonized characters like ever at this point. and i genuinely believe it changed the actual canon and it bothers me a lot.

as for the physical version of him/ the ink demon— in the original batim game there was literally a whole plot point about bendy being non-human and how he came out of the machine physically and mentally sloppy compared to the other creations. hes not a fully fledged-out person and that’s LITERALLY an entire section of the original game. he has no human soul or mind, hes sentient but about as much as a gorilla. he attacks like a zombie or an animal with instinct and not like an angry human being. he cant speak because his mouth is fake and he cant walk properly because his limbs are liquid sludge— hes literally an abomination— a mockery of actual human life. its crazy to even call him the “villain” of the story because he doesnt have the thinking ability to genuinely be malicious. its like calling zombies the villains of zombie movies, they cant be because they dont have the brain function to be.

a lot of people ignored the obvious fact that he isnt human-like so they could sexualize him, which isnt as bad as sexualizing an actual animal— im not claiming that— but what bothers me is how the creators made him MORE HUMAN to lean towards these people and ill never think otherwise. yall can argue with me or call me chronically online, but bendy WASNT able to speak or was human-like at all until the dark revival, which was so obviously fan service its not even funny.

im not claiming that people who sexualize bendy are zoos or something— thats too far. what im claiming tho is that this genuinely interesting character was given consciousness and the ability to speak after previously not ever having those things JUST so booktok ass teenagers could swoon over him like they do venom, taking away the interest of his original character. he wasnt fully sentient until it made money for the creators and then suddenly hes speaking poetry in a deep sexy man voice with a fucking 8 pack. how does that not bother anyone? im not even trying to say its morally weird— im just saying its bad writing in general!!! like why do yall let these games ruin characters for fan service and not even give a fuck, and then have the balls to ask why newer ones are so poorly written?? no fucking shot EVERY one of yall was ok with them retconning his entire existence like HES THE MAIN CHARACTER???? DO YALL REALLY WANNA SEXUALIZE EVERYTHING //THAT// BAD TO THE POINT ITS OK TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE MAIN CHARACTER AS LONG AS IT MEANS YOU CAN FINALLY SEXUALIZE HIM CANONICALLY??????

and before people say anything— no i dont think its wrong for bendy to develop a voice or to become more human over time— BUT COME ON DUDE ARE YALL DENSE?? IVE SEEN LESS FAN-SERVICE STARING AT MY GOD DAMN AIR CONDITIONER!!!! they didnt “develop” bendy more— they retconned him to please freaks online!!! surely ONE of yall had to have noticed like… when tdr dropped the sexualization was so bad i genuinely didnt have fun with the series anymore. and I CANT because its justified now! the creators retconned him to be more sexyman so now you cant even argue against it!! literally why cant we have ONE thing online without people wanting to pound every single fucking character??

im sorry if this sounds mean but ive been upset about this for YEARS!! bendy was my favorite character as a kid and NOBODY gives him justice NOT EVEN HIS OWN CREATORS. it would be one thing if there was just a small portion that treated him like this but now its literally everyone and the games lean into it and i just want to explode and die at this point fr.

it genuinely makes me a little ill knowing he was once just a confused, soulless being fighting and killing out of the confusion, rage and fear that his cruel existence caused him to feel, but now hes just a deep voiced venom-ripoff villain whose just a big meanie and hunts you for sport or some stupid shit.

[ox1-lovesick]

I feel like i've embarrased myself enough around you, but sorry if it feels like a spam in your box I'm really bored and, I just saw what that anon said 😶 being rude to you for no reason like bffr? like yes we get what mel is going through we can feel sorry for her cause their alot going on, but for an anon to blame you and putting you as "rude" for blocking someone because they make you uncomfy and really just rude on there side like Mel acc is more seen a as vent acc (to me) I can get that,but what do y'all (you little ppl) not see venting isnt always comfortable to some people as it may seem, when you think of venting as something everyone will say yes to you rlly need to get back into reality, venting if for people you trust, and someone you feel like will care for and help with a situation you're going through. but just bcus someone blocks a person for making them uncomfy isnt need for you to play the "see what there going through" card like "awaring" sav of what their going through like they dont already know is rlly dumb if you ask me 😳 but you see me personally I wouldnt try to stand a ground when you didnt even try to but like thats just me personally (talking to you anon.) 😂🤘🔥, but anyways hru sav? Hope you're doing good 🥰✨. (LITERALLY SORRY FOR THIS WHOLE ASS FANFIC LIKE PARA 😭) , also you dont have tk reply to it, u can delete or just simply private ask but its up to you. have a greatday/night 😜

MY EYES ARE SWEATING THIS IS SO SWEET ☹️ wdym embarrassed i've been wanting to interact with you for the longest time you're so cool 😭 i always see you on ej's (I'm pretty sure it's ej???💀) blog and you're so funny 😭

i was gonna make a post last night saying the exact same thing because?? i literally could not care less how you think of her, i'm not responsible for her mental state and neither is anyone else. i shouldn't even have to explain why i blocked her cause that's no one's business 💀 some friend of hers sent an ask to my other moot telling her about this whole situation saying melli was crying and everything because of me and i'm just like ???? what did she even have to do with this she hasn't been active on tumblr in a week 💀 the casual guilt-tripping too like it's not my fault melli is going through things and while i give her my condolences i have nothing to do with that 💀 i don't get why people can't understand that,, i never had a problem with melli venting to me but i'm a stranger on the internet you met a week ago, i don't know why you'd trust me with those things and why my presence in your life mattered so much that you'd cry over it but it is what it is ig 💀 and literally??? i know that melli is going through a lot but you don't get to use that as an excuse to call me a shitty person, just like your mental health isn't a bypass to do and say whatever you want 💀

thank you for this ask alayna, it was really sweet 🙁 my cat just peed on my bed so i don't feel the greatest but i'm good! how are you 🫶🫶

[no-no-no-ahhhh]

The doll community be like woah we dont support racists . So they cap on people who have done racists shit in the doll community. Then when the person has the courage to apologize yall "criticize" (not even criticism at this point) the apology

BUT THEN

When people who make the dolls do rasict shit yall say NOTHING.

Where are yall now

Where where yall then

Oh I know buying all their dolls

The creator of rainbow high is literally doing rasict as shit

Mga creators dont even recognize dark skinned people in their toy lines .Without poc pledding at their feet

Still na na na surprise has no dark skinned person.

You guys buy these toys with no problem and know this shit too

I honestly thought yall people would do shit to stop rasict. But you guys don't do the things that will stop rasict. I know this might come as a shocker to yall but we can't eliminate rasict by yelling at them. You have to help them understand. You can't cap on people and expect them to not be rasict no more. You have to empathize with this person and help teach them.

(Side note if your a poc especially a women pls dont bend your back trying to change a rasict mind. Especially in real life when it starts effecting you mentally and your own time. I know people expect a lot from woc to act like everyone's mom. Also the internet exist so you can just direct them to some articles and if they still don't understand, leave you tried )

The thing with dollightful is that she already recognized her mistake, so their was barely any teaching to recognize.

You guys yelling at dollightful for not showing her face is not ending racism at all and she genuinely recognized her mistake. She brought the attention of her mistake to her whole audience. If there was anyone who did not know why it was offensive they could have read all the links in the description.

You people dont actually care about racism if you did you would not have brought these dolls in the first place( rainbow high and nanana surprise)

I know half of yall are gonna be like well what do you expect me to do not buy these dolls. Like umm yeah I expect yall to make a change in what you do not just talk about it, because you guys can't even do that right. You have to be an understanding person if want to try to talk people out of racism. When you bring a new idea to someone especially with hate the brain starts acting defensive, and shuts down the understanding part. There is this thing called the cingulate In the brain for some people it hates change, so you have to be understanding when talking about new ideas to these people if you genuinely wish to make a change in rasict peoples mind

Some one had the audacity to tell me that I should stop defending this person cuz they don't pay my rent you say that when you pay these racist ass company's rents. Yall aren't even being critical yall are SHAMING her. There is a difference your shaming isn't stopping rasict.

I only defended that women for just showing a doll instead of her face. Nothing else that she has done in her past. NADA

Im honestly starting to believe that you guys don't generally care about racism, and that you guys think yall look so cool on Twitter and that your woke for capping on a rasict. Like thats barely doing anything at the end of the day.

Pls i beg that you guys become empathetic people and genuinely start doing shit that will help stagnate racism. Make these companies be the ones on their knees begging YOU to buy their dolls. Boycott these companies till you ain't see a rascit in sight. If you guys want to yell at anyone it should be companies that have actually PR that you support with your own wallet.

(My only opinion on dollightful is that its okay for not showing her face. Her not showing her face is not a act of racism and you guys are focusing on the wrong fucking thing. PLS I beg actually try to help poc. We don't need this childish nonsense. Yall attacking her for no real reason might shy away other people who have done racists things to not apologize.)

I'm sorry to group mga shady stuff with dollightful but all these things together just makes it seem like yall don't actually give a shit about racism and i needed to get all this off my chest

[hetaliashitpostingftw]

Hetalia Zoom Masterpost

Tag yourself, who are you most like these days? 

ALLIES

America: Dresses up as superman for literally every single meeting. Canada: Actually makes sure his place looks nice and might be the only normal person on this platform except sometimes he forgets video so they forget he’s there :(( China: Accidently screen shares and its revealed that hE uSeS iNtErNeT eXpLoReR France: Is using the direct message function to flirt with England and company. England: Trying to be all British and proper without having his face go scarlet. Russia: He put the camera too close so all you can see is a creepy smile.

AXIS

Germany: SHUT UP EVERYONE OR I WILL MUTE YOU!! (he likes being able to actually shut everyone up smh) Italy: Is constantly singing while on mute or eating elaborate spreads of food. Japan: He pinned someone’s video so he can  s t a r e   into their soul (and draw it ofc).

BALTICS

Estonia: Playing tetris on another tab like a BOSS Lithuania: Keeping his camera turned off so Russia can’t stare at him because its creepier over the computer Latvia: Trying to pay attention but winds up falling asleep.

EASTERN EUROPE

Romania: Doing some magic b/c it’s not like the can stop him, damnit! Bulgaria: Whittling his stick underneath the camera so he can have it look ✨ 𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂✨ Ukraine: Taking notes but also angled her camera wrong so it’s only the top of her head Belarus: *cutely sharpening knife* Oh, you called? Moldova: Playing outside, Romania told him that he could update when the meeting was done

MEDITERRANEAN EUROPE

Spain: Dancing in the other room and not on the call yet because AYYYYY MACARENA!!! Romano: "SPAIN YOU BASTARD GET ON THE MEETING I WONT TELL YOU ANYTHING IF YOU DONT!” Greece: Calmly staring into the camera and has his pet cat sitting next to him, which is becoming a significant distraction. Turkey: Keeps unmuting himself and adding points because he can Cyprus: Direct messaging Greece: s h o w    m o r e    ✨ c a t✨ Vatican City: Muted and with his video off b/c he’s also on another meeting for a service. Monaco: Keeps turning her camera off every three seconds to fix her make-up

NORDIC EUROPE

Denmark: Texting Norway about what he wants to do after the meeting is done ;) Sweden: Drawing a little sketch of Finland which he’ll probably hide after. Finland: He unmutes by mistake halfway through and the only thing anyone can hear is the sound of heavy metal bLaStInG. He just sits there smiling. Norway: Not responding to Denmark, yelling at Iceland to get back on the call, and studying his magic books Iceland: uUuUghhhH I dont see why we have to do this its soooo lAmE... *aggressive scrolling on tumblr*

LOW COUNTRIES

Belgium: Keeps direct messaging people compliments after they stop speaking Netherlands: At beginning of meeting: venmo me money and I will supply you with 𝓯𝓲𝓼𝓱 Luxembourg: Sitting there and looking pretty, as well as taking notes like any normal person

CENTRAL EUROPE

Austria: Set his computer on top of the piano so he can play without anyone seeing. Also direct messaging people what they did wrong after they stop speaking Slovakia: Messing around with the cool backgrounds Czechia: Reading. She doesn’t care about the meeting that much. Hungary: Sitting beside Austria on his bench and trying to get him to stop playing for the like, three hours for the meeting Switzerland: Makes a reminder that no one is to bother him, then says nothing. Liechtenstein: Didn’t have to go to the meeting, Swiss is looking out for her. Poland: Painting his nails. Nails are prettier than the meeting anyway. Prussia: Constantly jumping in with his ideas, since he likes to talk anyway and Germany has less of a heart to mute him.

ASIA

Hong Kong: Has his camera off and is texting his South Korea and Iceland.  Macau: Taking notes and preparing his rant at Hong Kong later because he isn’t dOiNg WhAt HeS sUpPoSeD tO South Korea: Messing around on snapchat even tho his camera’s still on. Taiwan: Enjoying bubble tea peacefully. Thailand: His camera is on but he’s not there. Vietnam: Keeps asking for help from the host because she can’t figure out how it works. India: Playing with the little figurines of elephants on his desk. He pretends different ones are different countries when they talk.

AFRICA

Egypt: Drawing calligraphy on the whiteboard which may or may not be visible to everyone in the meeting Seychelles: Daydreaming of playing volleyball once she’s able to get outside Cameroon: Shooting rubber bands at the camera and waiting for one to actually hit.

OCEANIA + CARIBBEAN

Australia: Feeding a baby kangaroo. He doesn’t care that it’s a meeting. Kangaroos are important and need love! New Zealand: Didn’t come because he was “busy” (jkjk, he’s sleeping in) Cuba: In constant debate whether or not he should go teleport over to someone else and scare the bejeezus out of them.

[skyofblackstars]

think my favourite thing about Terminal Online Discourse is that its always mired in just the absolute inability for people to realise that no one on the field has the same stance as anyone else

its like. pro shipper bad bc child porn defender and anti shipper bad bc baseless pedophilia accusations that always end up targeting trans women for some reason and its like these are both true. these are both true things that happen because the argument is over something that no one can agree on completely bc its a personal opinion based matter so you always get shit like

someone can go "i think its bad when people post about minors fucking in fics and ao3 shouldn't have that shit on there" and ppl will go yeah that sounds abt right but person a is talking about any mention of a teenaged character doing sexual exploration and person b is talking about like. fictional underaged characters fucking and person C is thinking the line is set at it being bad when people write porn or UNDERAGE MINECRAFT YOUTUBERS FUCKING AND ALL OF THEM THINK THE OTHER PERSON AGREES WITH THEM

literally every single Online Discourse thing is like this so its impossible to tell if the op of the post talking about how despicable it is that anyone could hate ao3s practices is like. a normal blogger having a normal take about how internet censorship sucks ass and ao3 is the best we got rn or someone who writes about. i dont even know the name of a minecraft youtuber thats not an adult. like. any of those guys. ive seen it. its on there. people write that stuff. it is impossible to know if person writing post about how ao3 should maybe implement something about the minecraft youtuber stuff is like. someone who thinks its bad when people write porn of real people or like. a conservative who thinks gay sex is evil and just wants ao3 to have good wholesome straight stuff on there

sorry i kept bringing up the minecraft youtuber stuff its 5am i cant think of anything else to use as examples but like i think its pretty obvious by now my opinion on this stuff is like. both sides are full of (but not necessarily saturated with) peoplefighting a war on the strawmen of the other side but i dont want to have to explain the complexities of my opinion on the matter to every person because I can't trust them to have the same definition of "anti" as the last person i talked to because everyone has their own definition of that word or whatever the fuck.

please be nice on this post if you cant think of a nice way to engage then just vague abt me on ur blog i know i used a lot of swear words but i promise im not mad at anyone i just think its all very silly peace and love on planet earth be kind to eachother i understand its annoying having to communicate ur opinion on stuff over and over to faceless blogs but i promise you you dont have to fall into the pit trap of using the word anti ever just go look at dogs or cats on the internet. maybe some birds

god i hope this is at least comprehensible

[artaengel]

(very long rant warning lol) this is something that i wanted to get off my chest for forever. why do people feel the need to adhere to an internet aesthetic then get sad when that aesthetic goes out of style. like they will buy an entire new wardrobe, completely change their hair/makeup, and rearrange their rooms to fit an aesthetic thats popular at the moment but it LITERALLY takes one person to say that the aesthetic is ugly or "cringe" for everyone else to hate it then move onto the next trend and the cycle just fucking continues. why is it so difficult for these people to find some clothes that they actually like instead of what they see on tiktok or pinterest. they scramble to find any current internet aesthetic in order to not seem basic and it literally just backfires and makes them seem more like a sheep lol. and another thing, u can like an aesthetic and think its visually interesting without have to fit into it... u can literally just appreciate and thats it. this happened with the "fairy grunge" thing. like ppl thought it was cool then started buying up ripped brown and green clothing only to hate it the next week like.. its just so weird to me. just be urself like what u like dont let anyone tell u shit and stop adhering to dumbass tiktok fashion trends that eveyone will hate in a couple of months plsss

[artificialqueens]

Girl I Met On The Internet, 1/? (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: it’s me, the anon who was talking about writing a crygi stan twitter au. and as someone who has spent many hours on social media, i really enjoy reading social media aus so i decided to write one. my writing skills are rusty and i’m not sure how long this will end up being, but i hope you guys enjoy it regardless and stay for the (not really) wild ride! :-) 

Crystal was very active on stan Twitter. Being an outcast at school with only friendly acquaintances, she used it to fill her need for the social interaction she was not getting in person. 

That being said, she didn’t have a set group of Twitter friends yet. She was very friendly with all of her mutuals, having conversations on the timeline with a handful of them, but she had yet to make a deeper connection with anyone.

She had thought about joining a group chat, but they made her feel anxious. A lot of them have forty members! That seemed extremely overwhelming to her.

The poor girl had spent an hour one night weighing the pros and cons, and in the end, her desire for friendship beat her anxiety. She promised herself she would go out of her comfort zone and would rt the next group chat tweet she saw. Possibly. Maybe.  

-

She had made that promise to herself on Tuesday. It was now Saturday, and Crystal had woken up pretty early, determined to finish writing a story for her creative writing class. It was unusual for her to be up before noon, but today just felt different. Once she finished it, she opened up a new tab and went to Twitter, curious to see if anyone was awake. Jan was.

jan! • @.arisjantasy

rt to be in a random group chat!! 

requirements: 

just be nice! :)

adding the first 10 people who rt!

There were 6 rts already, so Crystal hit rt as fast as she could to reserve her spot. Jan was very nice, possibly the nicest mutual Crystal had ever made; if Crystal was forcing herself to join a group chat, one made by Jan would be ideal. 

Nervous, Crystal switched tabs, going to YouTube. Because it was so early, none of her favorite creators had uploaded anything new. She ends up clicking on an older video she had watched dozens of times. Halfway through the video, she gets a Twitter notification.

jan! has added you to a group.

jan!: hey guys!! :) 

Crystal quickly types out an introduction and sends it.

crystal: hi! thank you so much for adding me. im crystal! 

jaida: the queen of the gc has arrived. hi

crystal: hi jaida!

jan!: no problem, crystal. you seem very nice! 

nicky: bonjour ;)

gigi: good morning everyone

gigi: nicky we get it ur french

Gigi was here? Crystal saw her on her timeline a lot, despite not following her. She was Jan’s best friend, but seemed very intimidating. She reminded Crystal of the girls at school who would call her not so nice names, but she hoped Gigi wasn’t like that since she was close with sweet Jan who didn’t have a mean bone in her body. 

gigi: omg crystal hi

gigi: i don’t like 1d but u seem very nice it’s nice to meet u

Yes, it was 2020 and Crystal was still a One Direction stan account. She had lost hope that they would get back together ages ago, but she still supported all five of them. They were the only men she would ever love. 

crystal: i can change that just give me a week SKSGFDS

jaida: i love zayn does that count

crystal: yes ma’am!

heidi: HEY! sorry i’m late!

jaida: oh, miss heidi made the cut?

heidi: 9th rt, bitch.

jan!: jaida be nice :((

jaida: No <3

gigi: dont play fight yet ur scaring crystal!!! 

heidi: well. in that case.

heidi: crystal, tell us about yourself

jaida: pls.. i’m sick of these other hoes.. i’m a crystal stan now

jan!: :(( 

jan!: but yes crystal pls!

crystal: let’s see.. im crystal, im 16, a lesbian. i stan 1d, poppy, and i really like painting!! and thrifting!! 

Crystal wasn’t expecting to feel included since they definitely had an established group already. Them being interested in hearing about her made her feel like she fit right in.

She really hoped they would end up liking her.

-

A week later, the group chat was going strong. Crystal, Jan, Jaida, Heidi, Gigi and Nicky were the only ones who ended up talking in the group, so they decided to kick everyone else out. Jaida had the pleasure of renaming their chat to “Elites Only” after that, which everyone approved of.

They opened Crystal into their friend group with open arms, which Crystal was incredibly thankful for.

Crystal loved them all, but Gigi had to be her favorite. They had all shared fun facts about each other after Crystal did, and Gigi had revealed that she was also a lesbian, but was only out online. She was a cheerleader also who loved fashion and design. her account was very put together, filled with pictures of girls Crystal would later find out are from America’s Next Top Model.

Gigi fascinated Crystal.  

The other girls were also pretty cool. Jan was also a cheerleader who had high energy constantly. Jaida competed in beauty pageants, also had the pleasure of being the funniest person in the group. Heidi jokingly referred to herself as a ‘gamer girl’, but really only played the Sims 4. Nicky lived in France and had an odd obsession with sheep. Nicky also flirted with Gigi a lot and Crystal couldn’t tell if they were a thing or not. she didn’t know if Nicky was gay, but the thought that they were a thing made her feel sick to her stomach.

Crystal opened up her Twitter app on her way to school, seeing the last message to be sent was from Nicky, at nearly three in the morning.

nicky: i think you’re asleep for once due to the lack of noise.. weird and boring!

nicky: but anyway i hope you hoes have a good day <3 

Crystal smiled and hearted the message. 

crystal: someone wake up im boreeedddd 

jan!: hey im in bio!! its boring :(

crystal: im walking to school lol 

gigi: good morning jan and crystal bbs <3

Crystal knew she didn’t mean it like that, but it still made her soul leave her body. Naturally, she exited Twitter. This was far too much for eight in the morning. Far too early to address any of her feelings.

She had managed to go most of the morning without checking Twitter but eventually, after a bad encounter with one of the cheerleaders in her history class, Crystal gave in to her urges and checked her phone to try to cheer herself up.

Definitely a bad idea.

nicky: i want to post selfies before i go to bed

nicky: you all will support yes?

gigi: YES BABE!!!

Babe? Crystal wants to cry. 

jaida: i need your beauty on my tl now

crystal: yeah i wanna see what you look like

Crystal feels stupid. She’s known Gigi for a week; she doesn’t even know what Gigi, let alone the rest of them look like. Crystal thinks it’s far too early to catch feelings for someone on Twitter.

Nicky posts her selfies, and Crystal quickly confirms that she’s one of the most gorgeous women on the planet. No wonder Gigi was probably dating her. 

She goes back onto the timeline, only for it to be filled with nothing but Gigi hyping up Nicky.

gigi • @.jennerbitch

NICKY OH MY FUCJKING GO D??

gigi • @.jennerbitch

MY LITERAL WIFE WTF

gigi • @.jennerbitch

IM GAY!!!!!!

Well, that confirmed what she had suspected. 

Once Crystal got home from school, she types out a tweet before throwing her phone on her bed, distracting herself with homework.

crystal • @.mitamcrystal

sad girl hours :(

She checked her phone first thing in the morning out of habit. There were tons of messages from the group chat, as usual, but also a message outside of the group chat.

From Gigi. 

[babyloniastreasure]

right so i just got done crying on and off for the first three hours of my day and i think i deserve a bit of unloading into the internet about it

dont mind me i just,,,dont have a support system anymore lol and i need some kind of fuckin release. feel free to ignore

so the last week in particular has been extremely rough and today I almost asked to go to the hospital in the hopes of like, idk. getting some sort of help. I have never been this depressed or hopeless before in my life and I’ve never had so much nothing as I do now. I lost all of my friends and my only support. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I look at my projects and my art and I can’t stand them because everything has memories attached to people who hate me and want nothing to do with me. People who have ignored me for five fucking weeks after telling me “We want to fix this.”

i’m hardly sleeping. im constantly exhausted. im physically nauseous because i cant eat from the stress and anxiety, granted i remember to eat at all or have the energy to get up to get anything in the first place. emotionally im an absolute wreck. I can’t focus. nothing is enjoyable. there’s nothing TO enjoy, because everything i had before was everything they took away. I’ve been left in the dust after they told me they still cared. so clearly that was a lie. if they cared they wouldnt have left at the drop of a hat like that

Even my family has noticed that i’m not okay and they’re starting to ask questions. i feel bad every time i brush them off but I cant let them know how bad things really are. i cant tell them that every hour i have to fight the urge to hurt myself again. that every time i have a second of free thought i think, hey, wouldn’t it be so satisfying to make yourself bleed again? and yes! it would be satisfying! but that’s not a pit i want to fall into again. it had me for years and it took even more years to break. and even though I have the awareness to not go through with it and can recognize it’s not actually going to help in the long run, it’s so exhausting when that’s my first go-to solution. And like yeah I usually have those thoughts anyway but I’ve had such a great system of friends and people I love who love me also that it was easier to get past. There were people there for me  who cared and because I knew they cared I could get through the rough patches. But now I don’t have those people. I don’t have any support. There’s nobody who cares about me. So then my loneliness gets to me and i get even more depressed and anxious and I keep spiraling, and those thoughts get worse and harder to fight off. it was those thoughts of intense “lets hurt ourselves really badly :D” that made me want to go to the hospital. I literally had the thought of “If I go to the hospital and they say I’m not severe enough to be admitted, I’ll just grab a pen and stab my leg to prove to them I need help.” Which is neither good nor healthy, but it would be so easy

instead i ended up crying for three hours and started thinking the circumstances that lead me here

and like. i will admit, and i have admitted dozens of times, hundreds of times to myself, that I made a mistake. I know that. I told them that. That was the first fucking thing I said. all i can think about is that singular, one, individual, tiny little blunder. and how despite me acknowledging it and coming clean with it and trying to talk about it, it was blown up and out of proportion and thrown in my face. they took my misstep and every single one of them twisted it and manipulated it into something far from the truth, something that painted me as a terrible person, as a secret asshole, as a huge toxic influence, as a deceitful and unappreciative person. They all threw out everything about our friendship in favor of ignoring what I’d said and assuming something far from the truth, the truth I laid out for them no less.

and then when i asked if i could clarify and communicate, they told me no. then blamed me for not communicating!!

thats all i ever tried to do! was communicate

From day one the group said hey if there’s a problem, be open with it and we’ll talk about it. we communicate to solve problems because we’re all friends and cherish each other.

what a load of shit.

i tried to communicate. I laid out my problem and then everybody else got involved, said I wasn’t allowed to talk about that with them, then they called me back like some kind of court and judge and jury and told me because I didn’t communicate, I was being kicked out. That’s not fair. I wasn’t treated fairly. I wasn’t even allowed to clarify whatever the hell they thought. They straight up told me no, you can’t talk about this with us. That’s not communication. That’s hypocritically shutting me down.

“Communicate with us Jask!”

“Okay I will send communication”

“Op! You’re not allowed :) We agreed you can’t talk to us :) You’re being kicked out :) Oh But Don’t Feel Unwelcome We Want To Fix This.” Then they all fuckin. moved into a space without me in it. That’s not welcoming. That’s exclusionary. That’s not communicating either. I’ve been handed a double standard that I can’t do anything about because I’m not allowed to even say hello to these people

How does anyone expect things to get better if I’m not being given the chance I was promised? its been. five. weeks. I’m ? so fucking tired and sad and alone, waiting every fucking day in the hopes that someone is going to actually talk to me again. then I finally pass out in near tears at 3am because another day has passed with none of them caring enough to even ask if im okay

and like. i desperately want to talk to them. i dont know what id say but. i dont know. i dont know. im not allowed to, for one. they made that crystal fucking clear. but again what would i even say?

do i say im sorry? i apologized dozens of times and it never made a difference, they ignored my apologies from the start and im certain they ignored the ones at the end too. and im terrified of saying sorry to the only person who really matters in this situation because im certain she’s going to cut me off if i even breathe in her direction

do I say that i miss them? what’s that going to do? it feels manipulative to say that. like hey pity me into talking to me again? i cant do that. im sure none of them miss me anyway so why would i put myself on the spot like that

do i admit im afraid to talk to them? again that also feels, bad, because the last time i admitted a feeling it drove them all away in an instant. and like also that feels like im backing them into a corner where they have to respond. and i dont want to force that. so it feels like talking is making the same mistake that made them kick me out. and like. what if...talking really does make it worse? what if talking is what ruins it even though talking is what they told me they want?

again there’s the double standard. be honest and communicate, but if you’re honest and communicate you’re rejected outright and made into the bad guy.

at this point its been so long

and i’ve deteriorated so much

i dont know if like. i just. i dont know...if more deterioration, if more waiting, and more dashed hope is worth it ?

i dont even know if they still want to repair things. what if they dont? what if they never did? what if they lied? what if they sit in their little group and talk poorly about me? what if they made bets about how long it’ll take me to leave or unfriend them like my isolation was some sort of game? what if they think i hate them? what if they really DO hate me? what if they moved on and want to forget about me? what if they regret knowing me at all? what if they wish they never knew me? what if they’re happy without me? what if 

oh boy i started crying again

what if this entire month of waiting and crying and wishing and grieving and hoping and loneliness was a waste of time? what if this was all for nothing? what if i never get to talk to them again? i. man. i just. i really really really miss everyone. i miss them so much. i miss them so fucking much. i dont know what to do. I m. fuck. im miserable. i wish i hadn’t said anything i wish i had kept my mouth shut i wish i never tried i wish i never did any of that i wish i had my friends i wish i could go back i wish i could talk to them

if i didnt say anything at least i’d be happy and id have everything and i would have my best friends in the whole world and id, fuck man thats really it, id be happy. im  so fucking awul

im so. i. i cant see the scvreen i need to go wash up and stop