#its only because im at home relaxing that i start thinking about it and spiralling

[munch-mumbles]

grrghhhh i was doing really good for a few weeks but now the heart health anxiety has been getting really bad these last couple nights again

[bratkook]

come over. (m) jjk

pairing. jungkook x reader genre. smut, pwp,  warnings. jungkook is a self proclaimed pervert, smut in forms of: mutual masturbation, voyeurism through bedroom windows, rough sex, oral (m receiving), jungkook is a lil mean but just a little, dirty talk, use of vibrator, multiple orgasms, forced orgasm, overstimulation, unprotected sex word count. 7.2k summary. the guilt of being a dirty peeping tom eats Jungkook alive, not knowing this was all part of your elaborate plan to sleep with the new neighborhood eye candy. author’s note. #84 requested by @taestybae​ from this promp list! ty for sending this in bby 🖤 (requests now closed)

Jungkook knows it's wrong, god does he know it's wrong. Acting as if he didn’t mean to leave his blinds cracked open, tilted at just the right angle that allows him to still be able to see out, the view he’s granted being your own window a few feet away. 

It’s funny now, how when he had first purchased the town house he had hated how close his neighbors were to him, and now here he was, an absolute pervert who was thankful for the narrow distance between your buildings.

The self proclaimed pervert simply sits at his desk, mindlessly going through work emails while his eyes continue to drift up, staring through his blinds for any sign of movement. 

Jungkook’s chest feels tight as he waits, eyeing the ticking clock in the corner of his screen and seeing it was nearing nine at night. Maybe you had plans tonight, going out with your friends, mind too preoccupied to indulge the filthy fantasies Jungkook had swirling in his head. It had become his favorite daily activity, sneaking a peek at you, sometimes doing simple things like relaxing with a face mask, or having a dance party. 

Of course those moments were all adorable but his favorite moments were the ones where you would walk around topless or lather lotion on your body after a shower. Sometimes you’d take the teasing a step further, blinds fully opened with only the sheer curtain coming in between him and your shadowed silhouette, caught in the act of what he could only assume was you touching yourself. 

Jungkook used to think it was purely accidental, just a careless neighbor who had no idea his bedroom had the perfect view, but he swore you had made eye contact with him far too many times for this to not be intentional.

Before his mind can spiral further, there’s suddenly a flicker of light and like a magnet, Jungkook’s eyes lock in to their target, seeing you walking into your room with a small towel draped over your shoulder, sports bra and tiny workout shorts showing him how your body was glistening in sweat. 

Pushing off his desk, his chair rolls and squeaks along his floor so he could get a better view, completely invested in seeing the way you get comfortable after your trip to the gym. Call it creepy or call it attentive but Jungkook had grown to know your schedule, you were his neighbor who enjoyed giving him peep shows so it was sort of hard for him not to realize the usual routine you had. However, this was the first time he had seen you come back from the gym this late. 

Jungkook groans now at his realization, palm coming to rub down his face as he hears his own thoughts, behaving like a man who had a notebook where he jotted down your schedule. 

He didn’t, but still, he felt like a creep. A dirty fucking creep. 

With his eyes screwed shut he shuffles the chair back to its rightful spot like a child in time out, angling his body to prevent his wandering eyes from looking through his window once more, the shame once again eating away at him like it did every time. 

Did you really do this on purpose? 

Of course you did, you weren’t stupid. 

The second Jungkook moved into your neighborhood he became the talk of the street, suburban house moms, young teenage girls, even your elderly neighbor had begun to wonder who the cute boy who went jogging down the street was. He oozed sex appeal, not even realizing how swooned he had everyone with his morning workout, he just thought everyone waved and smiled at him out of pure friendliness. 

Although he had no idea how hot he looked, you were blessed with the gift of vision and common sense. It only took you one glance of him exiting his house, long hair partially tied back, running shorts hugging his thighs so beautifully and you were sold. 

The minute you realized he was your next door neighbor it was like a lightbulb went off above your head, it was a blessing in disguise and you were not about to pass up the opportunity to have this go in your favor. Giving him a front row seat to you and everything you had to offer was the cards you chose to play and so far it had been going well. 

That is until you exit the shower, excitement coursing through you, already wondering how you’re going to tease him tonight. With your towel loosely hanging around your chest, you’re ready for the small show, but as you get into your usual position you notice that his blinds are now tightly closed, no gap between the shutters to allow him a peak of you. 

It’s a sudden and very unexpected chain of events. With a small huff of disappointment you perch yourself onto the end of your bed, directly facing your window as you sit in thought, your saucy plans for the night being ruined. 

Wondering just what could have made Jungkook flip a switch like that kept you up at night so when you see him coming in from his run the following morning as you leave for work you don’t think twice about speaking up. 

Your neighbor flinches when you greet him in good morning, not expecting to hear your voice so close to him but he could thank your connected driveways for that. 

“Oh, good morning.” he smiles politely, pulling out his airpod and pausing his music entirely to give you his full attention. The small nerves of being called out bubble up inside of him, only having talked to you once prior he wasn’t really sure where this conversation would go, were you about to call him a disgusting pervert?

“Did you call it a night really early last night?” You bite instantly, soft smile not giving away your true intentions but he knows, the way his eyes widen slightly make it obvious. 

“Yeah,” he sputters out, wiping his sweaty palms on his black shorts, nerves already making his heart skip. You knew, there was absolutely no way you didn’t and this solidified it. He had assumed you did, his guilty conscience making him believe what you did was intentional in order for him not to feel like the peeping Tom he very clearly was, but hearing you sneakily admit to knowing he hadn’t watched you last night made him feel like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over him. 

“Haven’t been getting much sleep lately so..”

You simply nod along as he trails off in a lie, lips spreading out into a smirk as your eyes very obviously give him a once over, focusing on the deep cuts of his sleeves that expose his sides and art filled arm, how the shorts he wears hit above his knee and leave his glorious thighs out for you to see. He was truly blind to his good looks. 

“Sorry I haven’t really given you a proper neighborly welcome, can I have your number?” Already fishing your phone out of your pocket because you knew he wouldn’t say no, still you tack on a helpful lie to make your flirting a little more subtle. “The neighbors have a group chat, I’ll add you to it so you can get all the hot gossip.”

If he knows you're lying he doesn’t show it, instead he looks a tiny bit disappointed that you wanted his number to add him to a neighborhood group chat. Regardless he recites his number with a smile, his phone instantly vibrating in his palm with a text from you, a friendly ‘hi neighbor’ with a waving emoji at the end. 

As he starts to save your contact you open up your car door, grabbing his attention once more. “I’ll text you if I ever need sugar...or other neighborly things.”

The suggestive teasing in your tone isn’t lost on him now, his cheeks flushing at the implications behind your words. “Yeah, whatever you need.” 

He’s admittedly even more disappointed when your message thread runs dry, not even being added to the gossip group chat that he was sort of curious about. You hadn’t even given him a show since the night he shut his blinds but it was all part of your plan, expertly crafted to go in your favor. 

While you’re at work you get the email that sets everything in motion, a notification of your package being out for delivery. A very cute baby pink wand would be placed at your door step in discreet packaging and if things went the way you anticipated it would be making its proper debut tonight, hopefully with an audience of one. 

Jungkook is pulled away from his computer screen when his phone vibrates against his desk, your name illuminated on his homescreen. He pauses for a moment, wondering if this was simply a text initiating him into that damn group chat that he had no idea didn’t actually exist, but when he unlocks it and opens up the thread he sees it's just you. 

Y/N 3:48pm : hi jungkook, sorry to do this but im getting a suuuper important package delivered today could you please keep it safe until i get home later tonight? 🥺🖤

You wanted him to guard a package, just neighborly things, exactly what you said you would text him for. 

Jungkook 3:49pm : sure, what is it?

He feels stupid immediately after hitting send, fingers curling together into fists as his eyes glare at his screen. Why the hell would he ask what the package was? Being a peeping Tom was clearly not enough, no he had to know about your online purchases. 

Y/N 3:52pm : just something for sore muscles 😅

Just like a typical horny boy would, his mind wanders to what exactly could be in the box, quickly texting you an ‘okay!👍🏻’ before locking his phone altogether. He was going to lose his mind. 

All according to plan. 

Jungkook guards that package with his life, placed delicately on his kitchen counter, exactly where he left it the minute he saw the postman drop it off. He’s been glued to his couch since then, regularly looking over his shoulder to ensure the brown box wouldn’t spontaneously disappear. 

Just as he feels himself getting antsy the gentle knocking from his front door has him springing up from his couch, pausing a few feet away from the door as he eyes the knob before looking back at the package. Should he greet you with it in his hands, or would that seem like he was trying to rush you away?

When you knock a second time he opts for just opening the door, seeing you standing there with that friendly smile, a small tweed skirt and matching top showing him you had just got off work, his eyes focusing on your exposed legs for a moment too long until your voice snaps him out of it. 

“Hi Jungkook,” you greet him with that honey sweet voice, the tiny glimmer in your eyes betraying you but he doesn’t spot it. “Did you get my package?”

“Hey, yeah I did.” Leaving the door ajar, he steps further into his home, quickly retrieving the light box and bringing it to you, still patiently waiting with that polite smile as if you didn’t know what was packaged inside that box. 

“You’re a lifesaver!” you cheer, holding it close to your chest with a small sigh, “I don’t know what I would’ve done if this got stolen.”

Jungkook can feel his face warm up, not able to stop his mouth from running on autopilot, unintentionally outing himself as an extremely observant neighbor. “You must be really sore from going to the gym all the time huh?”

There's a silence that falls over you both as you eye him curiously, gaze flickering with the same mischief from earlier, something he can easily spot now and he desperately wants to shrink into himself. 

“Definitely,” you agree with a laugh, “thanks again, have a good night!”

And just like that you’re gone, leaving him with his forehead pressed against his front door as he feels like an idiot. “Really, you must be sore?” He mocks his own voice, rolling his eyes before standing up straight and retreating back into his room to finish the work he had neglected in favor of protecting your package. 

The same package that you were currently clutching onto as you bolted up your stairs with a pair of scissors in the opposite hand, debatably not the safest choice but it had to be done. You feel like a crazed woman as you stab into the clear tape to break the seal, peeling back the flaps and letting out a giddy laugh when you spot the sleek white box, a photo of the device printed on the front. 

With steady hands you pull out the prized toy, carelessly tossing the empty boxes to the side, hearing them land with a light thud. The soft silicone against your thumb fills you with anticipation, a silent click against the first button dulls down the excitement when it refuses to turn on. 

“Stupid fucking chargers.” you grunt, setting the device down and making your way back to the discarded boxes, pulling out the tiny white cable to plug it in. 

The provided pamphlet states a full charge in one hour, plenty of time for you to get a grip on yourself, the last thing you needed was to rip open your blinds and come face to face with your hot neighbor with the crazy eyes you’re sure you were sporting earlier, you really didn’t need to scare him off before the main event. 

Jungkook is none the wiser as he mindlessly scrolls through the endless data in front of him, eyes floating through the numbers in a dazed manner, his mind far too occupied with that stupid package. He knew exactly what it was, proudly deciphering the code of something for sore muscles to spell out vibrator for him in giant neon letters. 

Were you using it now, in your bedroom a good feet away from his own, laid out on your bed directly in his line of sight?

His mind continues to play out salacious scenarios as you finish applying your favorite lotion after the small body shower you took, the silk robe hanging off your shoulder as you bend forward. Your pink toy lays on your bed, the buttons now blinking to indicate a full charge, your plan was now back in motion. 

As you step back into your room and slowly crack open your blinds you realize Jungkook’s are still tightly shut. Looking up into the slowly darkening sky you notice the clouds beginning to loom overhead, a smile spreading on your lips as you think of a way to get Jungkook to open up his blinds for the show. 

Jungkook’s phone buzzes with a text a few seconds later, eyes widening slightly when he realizes it’s from you. 

Y/N 7:02pm : lol does it look like its gonna rain to you?

His head tilts in confusion at your question, nonetheless he stands from his desk, fully sliding up his blinds to stare up at the sky. When he notices the grey clouds he looks down at his phone to start to type, the small flash of movement from across the way making him freeze, looking directly through your window once more and seeing you innocently sitting on your bed, staring right at him with a smile. 

Jungkook can feel how wide his eyes get as he stares at you, leg crossed over the other as you rest back onto your palms, head tilted as you wave at him in greeting. Right where you want him. 

His hand raises up to wave back at you, the voice in his head screaming every obscenity he could think of as he attempts to smile, the grimace in his face making it hard for you not to laugh. 

You start slow, wanting to give him enough time to shut his blinds if he really wants no part in this, your hand coming up to begin pushing the robe off your shoulder further, the first sliver of skin being exposed to his eyes. Jungkook wants to scream, bang his head into the glass as he sees the way your skin glimmers, already knowing you had lathered on that damn lotion of yours. 

When he doesn’t move you let the other sleeve fall down, the swell of your breasts holding up the soft material, shielding them from his sight for another moment. Your eyes never leave his face, needing to see his reaction when you sit up straight and let the material pool around your hips, tits fully exposed for him to see. 

His reaction is well worth it, jaw dropping slightly as he spots the way your nipples harden in the exposed air, forehead nearly ramming into the window when you bring your hand up to pinch and twist at the pebbled buds. He feels his cock stirring in his pants when your head drops back, lips opening up to let out what he knows is the prettiest moan, head leveling out as you bite your lip and stare at him once more. 

Jungkook doesn’t know what to do as he watches you, champagne colored robe still hooked around your elbows as you reach behind your bed and pick up the pink toy you had bought today. The metallic capped bottom shines in the light and he feels like he’s caught in a trance as you showcase it. 

For a moment your attention drops down, landing on your phone as you quickly type out a message before setting it aside once more. His phone comes to life in his hand, nearly scaring him with its vibrations. 

Y/N 7:18pm : touch yourself please

He swears he’s gonna bust his load then and there, typing out a quick ‘okay’, a message you ignore entirely in favor of turning on your toy. The excited look in your eyes is clear as day when the device buzzes in your hand, Jungkook’s eager fingers unbuttoning his jeans as you start to trail the vibrating head along your body, passing over your nipples and gasping at the ticklish feeling. 

Looking across the way once more you see Jungkook’s gaze locked onto you, his body fully illuminated by his bedroom light, allowing you to see his hands start to push his pants down, taking his black briefs with them. Your teeth bite down onto your bottom lip as he raises his palm up to messily spit into it before coming back down to fist his slowly hardening cock. His covered chest rises and falls as he huffs out a breath, slowly squeezing his shaft as he glides up towards his head, coating his palm in the stray beads of precum that drip out of it. 

This further solidified that Jungkook was a pervert, at least in his own mind, who else would be so eager to jack off to the sight of their neighbor this easily. You didn’t think so though, knowing every one of your actions had a purpose, Jungkook wasn’t a pervert for being a predictable boy, he was doing exactly what you wanted him to do. 

As the head of your toy trails down your chest you take your time, circling your navel before reaching your hips, sliding down your thighs as you lean further back and begin to spread them apart. In a slow movement that Jungkook can’t look away from, you finally reveal yourself to him, folds glistening with your arousal, coating your inner thighs, allowing the toy to glide with ease. 

Jungkook groans loudly as you pass the buzzing toy over your clit, a featherlike touch that makes you twitch and moan, his hand tightening around his cock as he twists on the way up. You were absolutely sin personified, giving him a show as you tease yourself, mouth dropped open as you finally press the toy against your clit, fingers slipping into your entrance and pumping inside of you. He can only imagine the way you sound as you stretch yourself open, hips rolling up into your hand as the pleasure jolts through you. 

Fuck, what he would do to be able to touch you, hear your moans, be the one to hold that toy against you until you were writhing around. 

You can see it in his eyes, the want clouding them as he watches you, his hand steadily pumping his length, quickening up each time your body twitches. When you pull the toy away his brows furrow, releasing his cock as he places his sticky palm against the window, wondering just what you were planning now as you reach for your phone once more. 

It only takes you a few seconds to type out the message and hit send, looking up at him with that same predatory gaze you’ve been wearing all night. As he unlocks his phone again you stand up, letting the robe fully slide off your body, pooling around your feet as you step closer to your window, arms crossed under your chest to push your tits out further as you watch him. 

Y/N 7:32pm : come over

He rereads the message three times, cock still out for you to see as he contemplates his options, finally looking back up and nearly choking when he sees the way you’re almost pressed against your own window, a sweet smile on your lips as you wave him over. That helps him make his decision, locking his phone and groaning as he slips his cock back into his briefs and shimmies his pants back on. 

Your eyes gleam as he turns to exit his room, the light dimming off as he bolts down his stairs towards his front door. When he steps out onto his porch he sees the ground is damp, small droplets now falling from the sky, the chill creeping through his thin layers as he navigates across your connected driveways with his palms covering his extremely prominent bulge. 

“Please be unlocked,” he whispers under his breath when he gets to your door, turning the knob and sighing in relief when it unlocks. Jungkook doesn’t care about manners as he steps in, locking the door behind him and instantly climbing the stairs two at a time, already knowing where your room was since your house was a mirror copy of his own. 

When he finally pushes his door open he finds you perched on your bed, fully naked and waiting for him with that same toy trailing up and down your torso. The need for introductions are thrown out the window as he crosses the room, immediately settling beside you, his large hand cupping your cheek to pull you in for a kiss. 

It catches you by surprise, the normally shy neighbor who got nervous whenever you caught him staring, never expecting him to be the type to go after what he wanted like this but the way he takes control makes you lean into his touch. His lips are tender against yours, hand guiding your face closer as he slowly licks his way into your mouth, a moan of approval leaving you as his warm tongue tickles yours. 

You’d often fantasized about kissing him, wondering if he was the type to tease, to pull back and leave you wanting more but the desperation guides his movements, stops him from not fulfilling his own desires. Jungkook kisses you with passion, hunger leading him until he’s pushing you flat on your back, hands dropping down to gently hold onto your neck. 

The toy is cast to the side, your own hands sliding through his long hair as you sigh into his mouth, the wet smacks of each kiss filling your ears. 

“Take it off,” you mumble against his lips, trailing your hands down his back and tugging his shirt up, determined to rip it off of him to finally see the glorious body you know he has. Jungkook presses a quick kiss against you before kneeling up and pulling his shirt off by his neckline, each inch of exposed skin making your mouth water. 

The way his muscles rippled, pulled taut as he stretches out and tosses the black long sleeve aside, bulging out when he finally relaxes, you can’t help but let your fingers trace each ridge on his stomach. Jungkook lets you take him in, not opposed to the lust swirling in your eyes, your tongue licking over your lips as you admire him, following the lines of each tattoo up his arm until you reach his face. 

“Like what you see?” he murmurs, looking down at you with lidded eyes, letting them roam along your body, the swell of your tits that rise with each breath, how your hips can’t keep still, searching for any bit of friction you could find. 

“You’re fucking unreal.”

He holds his breath when you begin undoing his pants, in a hurry to see his cock without the distance between you. “This is what you wanted isn’t it?” he realizes, the completely unphased look on your face, the perfectly executed texts and package delivery, just knowing that he had done everything you wanted him to do. 

“It was fun though wasn’t it Jungkook, tell me–“ he helps you tug his jeans down, his briefs going with them and joining his shirt on the floor, “What did you like more, seeing me do everyday things or watching me play with myself?”

A choked groan slips past his lips as you wrap your hand around his cock, slowly sliding up his length as you question him, enjoying the way he struggles to respond. “God you’re filthy,” he grunts, jaw slack as you sit up, face now level with his cock as he rests on his knees. 

The sly smirk you give him shows that you know this, know exactly how filthy you are, using it to your advantage to get what you wanted. With bated breath he watches the way you inch forward, tongue sticking out to gently lick the swollen head of his cock, the salty bead of precum picked up by your tongue. 

“Can’t help it.” You sink onto him as the words leave your mouth, lips wrapping around him and he sighs at the warmth that envelops him, the wetness of your tongue circling his tip making his stomach tense up, muscles flexing to keep himself from thrusting into your throat. 

The small moan you let out as he fills your mouth makes his body rattle, the feeling of his dick heavy on your tongue as you slide further down, wrapping your hand around the base to steady yourself. This was much more satisfying than seeing him play with himself a few feet away, the sighs of appreciation that float in the air each time you pull back make you keep going, wanting to see him fall apart. 

Jungkook doesn’t know when his hands tangle themselves in your hair, taking it upon himself to guide you up and down his length, starting a filthy rhythm that lit his body up. He urges you down more, hands coaxing you, pushing you further onto him until you’re choking as he fills your throat. He doesn’t think you’ve ever looked prettier, eyes full of tears, nose pressed against his stomach as you hum around his cock. 

He pulls you off of him a few seconds later, the wet gasp you let out ripping through the air as you catch your breath but that sly smile remains on your face, eyeing his messy length, bobbing slightly as he moves around. 

Leaning over you once more his hands cup your face, thumb rubbing under your eyes where he spots the unshed tears threatening to spill over, collecting against your lower lashes. “Fuck, I bet you’re pretty when you cry.”

The rasp in his voice makes your stomach flip, more wetness coating your thighs and further ruining your sheets. “Make me,” you whisper, smiling when his eyebrows raise in question. “Make me cry Jungkook.”

His cock throbs at your response, wanting nothing more than to do what you want, turn you into a crying mess as you beg for him like he often thought about. “You sure?”

With a small nod you’re crawling backwards, flipping yourself over onto your hands and knees, arching your back for him as he eyes your exposed cunt, sodden folds shining when you wiggle your hips. “I’m sure.”

Jungkook fists his cock as he approaches you, slotting his knees between your thighs, inching forward until he’s circling your entrance in a teasing motion. Flashes of the way you had spread yourself open minutes prior play in his mind as he slowly breaches your entrance, the first feeling of you taking his breath away, eyes falling shut as you let out the first moan. 

Your hands fist the sheets as he stretches you open, his size filling you up so deliciously, inch by inch splitting you open. He can’t look away from it, mesmerized with the way you take him in, molding around him like he was meant to be there. 

A whimper leaves you as he presses his palms onto your ass, holding you still once he finally bottoms out, hips pressed flush against you, walls fluttering around him as he gives you time to adjust to his size. 

“This is–“ you groan when he slides back a little, “this is just how I pictured it.” The laughter laced in your voice piques his interest, leaning over your body to see you with your face pressed against your sheets, a teasing smile on your face. 

“Yeah?” Jungkook questions, tightening his grip on your ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh, no doubt marking them for you to see later. “You pictured getting fucked from behind by your neighbor?”

“Mhm,” you squeal out, giggling when he starts to fuck into you, pulling out nearly all the way before thrusting back in, the small smack of your skin mixing in with your laughter and moans. 

“I knew it,” he grunts, trailing his hand up your spine, around your neck until his palm was pressing your face into the mattress, holding you down as he ravished you, stretched you apart and turned your impure thoughts into mush. “Knew you did it on purpose, fuck, do you know how guilty I felt?”

Your walls tighten around him and he moans out at the feeling, the warmth sucking him back in each time he pulled out, the wet squelch of you soaking his cock getting louder each time. 

“S-sorry.” It's quiet, but he knows you don’t mean it, knows the words are lace with trouble as you start to rut back onto him, the playful smile felt against his palm spelling it out for him. 

“Oh you’re sorry?” Jungkook picks up his merciless pace, knowing he found the right rhythm when you let out a cry of surprise, arching further for him and keening as he nudges against your sweet spot, the first sparks of your orgasm flashing within you. The fact that you were getting what you want sending you closer to the edge faster than expected. 

“No, I’m not,” you admit, shamelessly moaning with each thrust. There was no way in hell you were sorry, if this was the outcome you’d do it all again the same exact way. Jungkook wouldn’t argue with that, the earlier guilt he felt long gone, replaced with pure hunger, only increasing when your moans start to get breathier, the panting felt against his hand, hot and heavy as you whimpered. 

“I know you’re not, you love putting on a show for me huh, knowing I was watching you from my window while you fucked with me.”

His words make your mind spin, the intoxicating roll of his hips dragging you under into the same state of desperation he was in, weeks of mindless torture fueling the both of you with more than enough sexual frustration. 

“I loved it,” you whine when he pushes your face harder into the sheets, the roughness he’s displaying making your stomach flip, thighs spreading out further for him and you let out a trembling moan when he sinks deeper into you. 

You were going to cum, he recognized the way your body tightened up, walls clamping around him, making him curse as he continues to rut into you. Jungkook smiles as you cry out, chest pushing into your mattress, hands pulling at your sheets in desperation until suddenly, you’re cumming with a shout of his name, the feeling taking you completely by surprise. “F-fuck, Jungkook.”

He gasps as you gush around him, dripping down your thighs, creaming his cock until it's slick with your arousal. Jungkook doesn’t waste any time pulling out of you, needing to see your face as he sank back into you, now on your back with a dazed out smile. 

A soft groan drips off your tongue, thick and needy when he bottoms out once more, arms wrapping around his shoulders as he starts to rock into you, forehead sweaty with his long hair falling around his face. It frames him perfectly, a simple curtain letting you see every expression he gives you, a private show just for you to witness. 

“Wanna make you cry,” he confesses, bending down and kissing your chest, his right hand mindlessly swatting at the bed until he finds exactly what he’s looking for, that damn vibrator he had guarded with his life earlier. 

The second the small vibrations meet your ears, your eyes go wide, catching the evil smirk on his lips as he holds the toy between you, fidgeting with the settings until it’s low enough to start. “Wait Jungkook, I’m sensitive.”

He leans back enough to trail the head down your stomach, taunting you as he circles your hips and reaches your mound. “You told me to make you cry though didn’t you baby?”

The excitement rushes through you once more, letting out shaky gasp as he just barely touches your sensitive clit, your body jolting and squeezing around his cock. Jungkook shuts his eyes at the feeling, bringing it back to rest against the tiny pearl, the low settings making a hum course through you, your fingers digging into his shoulders. 

“Ah, Jungkook,” you cry, chest heaving as he starts to fuck you again, hips swirling around, unsure if you want to retreat from the toy or press against it harder, the slight sting of pain morphing into pleasure the longer he keeps it up. 

“What?” he mocks, raising the settings until you’re shouting, a delirious laugh following suit as your thighs tighten around his waist in reflex. Jungkook knows you love this, your teeth biting down onto your bottom lip as you stare at him with glassy eyes full of tears, urging him to fuck you harder, begging him for more. 

He does what you ask, pistoning his hips into you with enough force to jostle your body, the head of his cock just shy of hitting your cervix, waves of pleasure mixing in with the vibrations against your clit. Jungkook can feel his own orgasm creeping up on him, crawling up his spine, goosebumps flaring out on his skin, each wet thrust and cry from you only pushing him closer. 

Jungkook watches you carefully, lost in his own pleasure but focused enough to see the way your eyes well up further, the needy sobs you release as he fucks you just right wrapping around him and urging him on, not wanting to hold back when this is what you’ve been wanting. 

The small inkling to be mean and actually see the tears fall spurs something inside of him. With a few more clicks the vibrator hits the highest setting, buzzing intensely against your clit and you nearly thrash at the sudden feeling, back arching up as you gasp. 

Jungkook chuckles, the low timbre making you whimper as he presses the head of the toy harder against you. “You gonna cum again, make a big mess around my cock?”

“Jungkook,” it’s a choked cry of his name, your arms seeking purchase around his frame, needing something to ground you as you start to float off. 

“C’mon, wanna see you cry.” He watches in awe as your body tenses of for a moment, the pleasure catching just right to push you over. 

“Fuck, fuck–“ you chant, words slurring together as a second orgasm is pulled out of you, eyes rolling back when the euphoric feeling crashes over you, tears finally spilling over and body turning limp as he continues to fuck you through it just like the last one. He feels like he won as the wetness pools under your eyes, brows furrowing together as you mewl at the feeling of your orgasm cresting, heartbeat slowing in your chest as you come down. 

“So good,” he mumbles at the high vibrations felt against his cock, the flutters from your velvety walls keeping him from turning it off, sliding it down a bit closer to your entrance until he’s gasping as well. 

“Too much,” you plead, eyes misty as you stare at him, mouth dropping open in a quiet moan when he ruts against you in search of his own release. His free hand reaches up to cup your cheek, wiping away the stray tears that had fallen against your skin. 

“I knew you’d look pretty when you cry.” He sighs, shutting his eyes when you pulse around his length. “I’m almost there, you okay?”

His concern makes you smile, nodding as you place your hand over his own on your face, dealing with the oversensitivity for him to get his own release. “Yeah, cum inside me please.”

Jungkook groans in response, sliding the vibrator further down until it rests against the base of his cock, gliding along his length with each of his thrusts, the buzzing making his body tingle. 

“Shit,” he grunts out, hips fucking you with more urgency, rutting against you sloppily, eyes opening up to stare directly at you and the lustfilled look you give him is what pushes him over. A choked groan dies in his throat when he sinks into you as deep as he can, spurts of his cum filling you up as his face twists in pleasure, mouth dropped open to release a soft moan that you swallow with a sweet kiss.  

You hum against his lips when he thrusts shallowly a few more times until finally coming to a halt, turning off the toy and chucking it aside with no care before collapsing on top of you in pure dramatics. Jungkook has no qualms about how much he weighs, making himself right at home as he nuzzles into your chest, sighing in content when you rake your fingers through his hair. 

“I feel sweaty, and I know I made a mess on your sheets.” Jungkook mumbles out, cheek pressed against your tits, eyes slipped shut with his slowly softening cock still inside of you. No doubt would your sheets be damp with an unholy mixture of the night's debauchery, something you would surely deal with later. 

“It’s okay, I like the mess.” Your words are meant to be joking but the way his cock twitches inside you shows he takes everything you say seriously, simply rolling your eyes with a smile as you tease him further. “You’re a pervert.”

Jungkook scoffs at this now, taking full offense as he pulls out of you with an accusatory glare, eyes zeroing in on your evil smile as you prop yourself up against your headboard. “I’m the pervert?” When you nod he laughs loudly, finger pointing at you in a less than threatening manner, “Says the one who gave me free shows every night!”

“It’s not my fault you’re easy to rope in, you were hooked the second you saw me have that dance party in here huh?”

He nods instantly, knowing exactly what night you were talking about, it was the night he had moved in, before you had even realized he was your neighbor, having a full on dance party to some top 40’s from the 2000’s playlist you found. That was the first night he ever saw you and ever since then he had left his blinds cracked just to see a glimpse of you, not knowing what lewd ideas you had planned. 

“Was it the facemask that did it for you?” You laugh, playfully nudging his side with your foot as he glares, the small smile on his face showing you he wasn’t taking this seriously. 

“No, it was those sexy ass boyshorts you had on, I think they were grey. They made your ass look nice.”

He laughs with you as you squeal, knowing exactly what pair of underwear you had on, the oversized shirt doing nothing to hide them as you danced around like a lunatic. 

“Is this gonna be a thing?” he wonders, taking it upon himself to enter your bathroom to grab a towel, the least he could do was clean up the mess he had caused between your thighs. 

“What?”

“Should I text you about the weather tomorrow, call you over to mine this time? I’ll let you choke me if you’re into that.” He says it so casually it catches you by surprise, a cackle leaving you as he finishes cleaning you up, handing you your robe to cover up as he slips back into his underwear. 

“Are you into that?”

“I could be,” he winks, flopping onto your bed beside you, letting his hand trail up your thigh until it reaches the hem of your robe, tracing the goosebumps that flare up because of it. 

That was definitely something you could work with, mind already planning out the next time you’d torture your neighbor, wondering just how your hands would look like wrapped around his thick neck. Maybe you could see if he looked pretty when he cried. 

He spots the mischief in your face instantly but before he could indulge you further, there was one thing absolutely eating away at his mind. “By the way, you never added me to that gossip group chat.”

Your lips purse into a tight smile as your fingers return to his hair, twirling each strand as you hold back a laugh, knowing it absolutely did not exist. You weren’t in the mood to crush his spirit, knowing he desperately wanted to know the ins of the neighborhood gossip so you simply shrug in faux apology, telling yet another white lie. “My bad, I’ll add you tomorrow.”

It’s good enough for Jungkook pressing a kiss against your thigh as he thinks of what the following night will bring, his mind also picturing just how cute your hands would look around his neck. 

[fleetwoodmak99]

Primed for Sin (2/10)

SUMMARY: This is Arthur's point of view of meeting Elena and the effect it has on him. Arthur doesn't really know what he's gonna do but he doesn't know that she's the one.

WARNING: Delusions, masturbation, smut, stalking, smoking weed and mental illness (Borderline Personality Disorder and PBA)

Please kindly do not read this if these offends or triggers anyone. Im always here to listen if someone needs it.

Hey again. This is part 2 of idk how many parts to the Primed for Sin story. Like I said before idk where I'm gonna go with this but this chapter is gonna be more dark when it talk about stalking and mental illness. I decided to have Elena too have stuggles with mental illness as well because I felt it better represent what I'm going through with my own mental health. So I apologize if I offend anyone or if anyone feels misrepresented.

Primed for Sin Part 1

Arthur could feel his whole body ache as he sat on the couch in the apartment he shared with his mother. His legs bounced as he sat back on the couch. One of his hands coming up to his mouth to take a drag of a cigarette while the other one held the boys toy train. He could feel another one of his laughing fits hit once again.

He couldn't help the raging fits of laughter that escaped him as he felt the sharp pain of anxiety shocking his body. He remembers the events that had happen earlier that day.

He tried to think of something else, anything else but he couldn't stop himself from thinking of how beautiful that girl was when she had smiled at him earlier. How she smelled of peppermint, it reminded him of Christmas. Even though he never really was able to really celebrate it, something about the season always brought him comfort.

He felt his pain starting to ease as the laughter once again started to die down for what seemed to be the millionth time today. Ever since this morning he's been having laughing attacks left and right. He squeezed the toy train even harder. His thoughts beginning to roam again. He didn't know anything about that girl but he knew he needed to know more. No, craved to know more. There was nothing that would keep him from her. He already knew this, he just didn't know how far he would take himself for it.

He imagined that she would be the perfect good girl for him. She's already seemed to be a mother figure which delighted Arthur. Maybe one day she would be round with his child.

No. Stop it Arthur, he thought to himself. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, he wanted to know more about the boy she was with. Who was he to her? Her son? Has she been with another man? Is she a virgin?

The thoughts ran rapid through his head as he started to spiral. Nothing made him more upset than thinking about another man's hands on her. So he did what his thoughts told him to do. He gathered information on her. Anything he could find. The easiest way to do this was to follow the woman as she goes about her day. He knew it was wrong, the small voice in his head told him so but there there even larger voices telling him to go through.

After a few days of this, he was able to find out more about the sweet girl. Her name was Elena Wheeler. She worked at a comedy club, one that Arthur had gone to often. She did singing gigs on the side while she bartended for the most part. Arthur noticed she like to cover 50s songs as well as write some of her own songs. Arthur would find himself relax while enjoying her voice each night. She would work this job most days while the boy would go to a behavioral center for children.

The boy on the other hand wasn't her son but her younger brother, yet she was the one who had custody over him. This was most likely so he too wouldn't end up in the system.

This gave Arthur some relief as his virgin theory might be true. He'd watch the two of them interact with one another. Almost being jealous of the way they played together. He wish he had that with someone. He will, soon.

It was obvious that the boy had some major abandonment issues. He would cry every time she would kiss him goodbye. Only calming down hours later when he's starts watching a cartoon or until she returns. But Arthur could also tell that Elena had some issues of her own. She too would be antsy every time she was away from the child. Never allowing herself to rest until she knew she was ok.

Arthur would watch her through the window of the complex building. One thing he did notice immediately was the constant hits from a bong. He was honestly surprised how much she could smoke. If she were drinking, he would actually be concerned for her. The girl was small and shouldn't take much to get a high yet there she was coughing up a storm from hitting it so much. Michael was in the other room watching his Thomas show. Arthur couldn't help but wonder why she did this so much. Maybe she was lonely too.

Arthur was able to keep track of her favorite things, what upset her, what made her happy. Everything and anything. He would notice her moods would change frequently. She would be happy one minute and crying the next especially when she was away from Michael. He could see her trying her best to hold it together for the little guy. He really did. His heart leaped just watching it. His heart leaped even more when he saw he watching the Murry Show being played most nights after putting Michael to bed. She's perfect.

Arthur started to understand her more when he was able to get his hands on some of her records. He won't say how but let's just say he has his ways aka breaking and entering. He was glad he did when he saw an entire file dedicated to her.

She had been diagnosed with Boderline personality disorder when she was 18. She herself had been in behavioral centers for having difficulty controlling her anger. She also lived in foster home for most of her childhood it seemed since both her parents abandoned her when she was around 4 years old. Even though her parents had started coming in and out of her life when she turned 18, she never really gained anything from it.

It saddened Arthur to see she had had to struggle so much but that just seems to be a common theme around here in Gotham.

_________________________________________

After a long day of clowning around at his extremely emotionally draining job. He had done his nightly routine of watching Murray and cooking for his mother. After what seemed like an eternity, his mother had finally drifted off into sleep. He felt himself finally relax and with this he let his mind wander.

He wanted to see her. Just see her face. That's all he needed. Even if it was through a window in the freezing cold in the ally way behind the building. Luckily she didn't live on a high floor. That was enough for him to take action.

Arthur quietly grabbed his coat and shoes as he slipped out the door and into the cold. He shivered as the coolness hit his body.

Finally making it to his usual spot for that last few days and set himself up, only looking up when he was finished. His eyes focused on Elenas apartment window. It was dark with the only light coming from the TV in one of the bedrooms. He figured she had put Michael to bed because he could see her all alone, he paused, in only a gray tank top and black panties.

His heart started to race and he could already feel his throat starting to react. The laughter was ready to pour out.

Maybe this isn't a good idea, he thought to himself as he started to reach down to grab his things.

Yet he still couldn't tear his eyes from what he was seeing. Her tangled in the covers with her short brown hair all messy from moving around. It certainly was a sight to see. His cock agreed as it immediately started becoming hard.

The small voice in his head told him to stop. He knew it was wrong to watch her but when her hand started to move up and down her bare leg he knew he couldn't turn away. It was like she knew he was there almost. Like she was putting on a show just for him.

He grew harder and harder the more he watched. Watching her eventually making her way down to her panties, slipping her hand just inside. It didn't take long for her face to start turning and her body to start squirming. It didn't take long before he became hard enough it started to hurt leaning against his pants. He wanted to relieve himself so bad. More importantly he wanted to relieve himself in her but knew that couldn't happen right now.

He couldn't take it anymore when she started to grab at the sheets of the bed. He pulled out his cock that was already leaking with precum. Arthur didn't get a lot of action so when he did he just couldn't contain himself.

Arthur placed his dick in his hand as he started to slowly pump himself. He tried to match the same movements as her, trying to think it was her hand instead. He imagined they would be gentle and soft. His were the total opposite.

He imagined her saying his name. Whispering as she cums or screaming it as he fucked her. He knew he wasn't gonna be able to last long with all these dirty thoughts roaming his head. To his delight she couldn't seem to either. Elenas back was arched as her hands started to tease her breasts underneath her tank top.

He was right as her body started to shake, her chest move up and down swiftly as she starts to come down from her high. This gave Arthur the silent ok for him to cum as well. And when this boy cums, he cums everywhere. He just can't hold himself back. Shamefully cumming in a nearby trashcan so no one would see.

He quickly cleaned himself up, looking up and down the ally to make sure no one is watching. He couldn't help the connection he felt with her. She was so sweet the first time they meet and she's perfect now weak against her mattress.

Ok its time to make a move.

[pinkykitten]

are you bored yet?

synopsis: with uncertainties in life you cant say for certain if you and fred being together is a good thing or bad thing. so many things are running through your mind as you spend watching the sunset with the love of your life, fred weasley. 

pairing: fred weasley x female! reader (i swear im like obsessed w him i need therapy fr) words: 1,503 genre: fluff omg so much, romance, song based, writing challenge, one-shot

a/n: so this is based on the song are you bored yet by wallows. and this is for the writing challenge of @lunalovecroft​. i had so much fun writing this and as u can tell im currently in a fred spiral and its out of control but idc tbh. he is so beautiful and yes he is invading my dreams every night. enjoy yall and hope u like also thnx for liking my recent fred drabble so much it means a lot to me and requests are open! ps i also tried to incorporate the words and meaning of the songs lyrics to the story hope that makes sense. 

The ocean waves crashed against the soft, cool sand. It would simmer and relax, but then the pent up frustration mixed with wind would allow it to meet and kiss the earth. 

The future always scared you. Somedays you looked forward to it and other days just the unknown was filled with anxiety. It was the feeling of not being able to control loss and love, happiness and sadness. You would find yourself some nights thinking about it, almost losing your mind. 

The sun was setting so peacefully and beautifully. It was something so simple yet something so divine and of such importance. You had faith in the sun and space. Yes, everything around you may be changing and things might be going wrong but one thing was for certain was that the sun was going to rise and set every day, when the sun rises that will be your new chance at starting anew. 

It was so peaceful. The smell of sea was so inviting and comforting. What was more comforting was how Fred let your head rest against his chest. The feeling of worn out cotton against your cheek, as you heard his heart beat almost at the same rhythm as yours. It was if you two were in perfect sync. The faint smell of cologne that Fred always used to try to impress you made you feel at home, along with a small smell of something unknown to you but only Fred had that smell. Maybe it was gingers own scent. 

You sighed, relaxing. 

“So, love, what do you think about the muggle world?” Fred asked, wiggling his brows like he was the man.

You looked up at his freckled face, from his chest, giggling, “You know I’ve been here before.”

Fred laid back down and enjoyed the moment with you. But something was eating you up inside. It was starting to bug you that everyone had a someone. Ron to Hermione. Harry to Ginny. You were starting to feel left behind in the crowd. Again with the uncertainty. Everyone was with their soulmate and you felt lonely. 

You didn’t realize Fred was eyeing you this whole time you had this battle in your head. He could tell something was off. “What’s wrong?”

You very much disliked confrontation so you pretended to fall asleep. 

“I saw you were awake Y/N,” Fred sat up. He was patiently, quietly waiting for your answer. 

You sat up, kicking your feet against the peak you two were sitting on. The warmness from the sun making you smile just a bit. “I wish we didn’t have to leave. That we could sit here for the rest of our lives.”

Fred chuckled, scooting closer to you and resting his head against your shoulder. Something sparked within you at the contact. You could feel his breath on your neck, feeling the hair stand up on its own. You leaned your head against his and sighed once again. 

“I wish I could sit here with you forever too sweetheart. But unfortunately we’re really not supposed to be here and I bet some muggles would find us and we’d be toast.” Fred kissed your knuckles. 

You distanced yourself away from him, worrying Fred with wide eyes. You couldn’t bear the physical connection you two had and not have something from it. Yes, you and Fred were friends but you were wanting more than that. You yearned for more than that. “There is just so much on my mind,” you said quietly. You can tell you hurt Fred’s feelings but you needed to know what Fred was doing to you. Why did he kiss your hands? Why did he want to be with you daily? You needed support, something stable in your life. 

“Feels like I've known you my whole life I can see right through your lies,” Fred was worried seeing you so distant. 

He was right. He knew you in and out. He knew when you were okay and when you were not. You leaned back, “I like this guy and I’m afraid he doesn’t like me.”

“That’s bonkers! Who wouldn’t like you Y/N?” Fred tried not to grit his teeth at his jealousy. This man was so lucky. 

“I’m afraid Fred. I don’t know if he’ll feel the same way and when we get older will he still feel the same way about me? There is so much to think about. What if something happens to him? I would fall apart, I would be living in fear and paranoia.” You clenched your fists. 

“Wow, you do really love this man?”

You huffed as you looked into Fred’s eyes for a split second, hoping he would get the hint. “I do, I really do.”

Fred was silent. He was playing with his fingers. He usually had always something to say, seeing him like this was odd. 

“If you could tell me how you're feeling,” you held Fred’s hand. 

“I don't know where we're going But I'd like to be by your side,” Fred blurted out. You gasped as you took your hands away and held onto to your skirt, holding in your breath. “I can’t go on living knowing I didn’t at least try to stop you from being with that other guy. I know you love him Y/N but I love you. I can’t do this anymore. Kiss only your cheek when I want to kiss your lips so bad. I can’t make believe that every time you hold my hand I don’t feel a spark. Or when you come to my room every time you have a nightmare. When we cuddle, how I carry you on my back. I can’t make believe that those things don’t affect me. I can’t keep putting this wall between us and making believe we’re not something worth fighting for. Tell you the truth baby, I’m smitten with you. I’m so madly in love with you.”

Your lips trembled as tears fell down your cheeks. Fred couldn’t help himself and also found himself emotional, wiping his tears with his jumper sleeve. Nobody knew what to do. “Why are you crying love?” Fred whispered. 

“Because the man that I was referring to and talking about was you Fred,” you said with tear soaked lips. The wind carried your tears away. “I love you Fred Weasley.”

You both were knew in this territory of love. Love that you would sacrifice everything and risk more. Love that was unconditional. It was awkward the air funnily. 

“So are we more than friends then? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” Fred was so shy. You both just confessed your loves for each other, nobody knew what to do. You both were just friends for so long. 

“When we get old, will we regret this?” You asked, bashfully. 

“I will never in my whole existence ever regret meeting you and being your love. No matter what tough trials come, I know I will always be by your side.”

“I will forever love you Fred. There is not one person on this world I love more than you. I’m so grateful I was sent to Hogwarts because you’re my favorite person.” You gave a small, genuine smile. “Maybe we'd get through this undefeated Holding on for so long.”

In one swift moment, Fred’s lips came crashing down against yours. It was with such passion and fire. Like Fred was preparing his whole life for this one spectacular moment. His lips moved against your and you couldn’t help but deepen the kiss by running your fingers through his orange locks and pushing him more towards you. You wanted everything he got. 

Fred pushed you back and wrapped his warm hands on the back of your neck. Your hands fell to his collar and you clutched onto it with all your might. You felt you might explode. Fred went from your lips to smothering you in kisses all over your face. You heard his laugh and saw his toothy smile but it was better because his freckled covered cheeks were such a cute pink. He was blushing the whole time. Fred kissed your nose and you and him laughed together, simply in love. He leaned his head against you for one moment and leaned back in his spot on the cliff. 

You were out of breath and stunned. Did that just happen? You were so happy it did. You sat there surprised by the amazing kiss, touching your lips and feeling them sting a little from the contact. It was incredible. The best sensation of your life. 

Fred saw you the whole time, smirking. He coughed to get your attention and your eyes traveled up to see the most amazing view. He was leaning back, his lean neck resting back against his shoulders as his adams apple bobbed. But what got you choked up was his lips were plump and wet from your twos make out session. His skin was flawless with his freckles and his eyes were bright and light from the sunsetting. The sun’s rays hit his face just perfectly to make him look like a prince. Like he came down from heaven. You were so dumbfounded at how a man could look this beautiful and handsome. 

Fred smirked as he bit his lip, winking, wanting to tease you, “I don’t know if you wanna get out of here or maybe go get a bite together as I’m your new boyfriend. I mean 'Cause we could stay at home and watch the sunset But I can't help from asking, Are you bored yet?"

a/n: ive been listening to this song on repeat and know its in my head and i just want to make an edit of fred for this song cuz he is so bf material. thnx for all the love and support stay safe guys and tysm. 

[irwinkitten]

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥  warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

-

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder. 

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded. 

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone. 

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid. 

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour. 

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.” 

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you. 

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently. 

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering. 

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple. 

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes. 

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening. 

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke. 

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile. 

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders. 

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why. 

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes. 

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you. 

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you. 

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably. 

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air. 

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips. 

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him. 

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly. 

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant. 

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings. 

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares. 

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy. 

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners. 

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.” 

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives. 

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject. 

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway. 

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there. 

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings. 

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged. 

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that. 

Michael came in next. 

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate. 

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning. 

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval. 

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed. 

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there. 

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you. 

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked. 

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks. 

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear. 

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down. 

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed. 

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you. 

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively. 

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank. 

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly. 

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath. 

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.” 

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long. 

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him. 

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you. 

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over. 

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm. 

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours. 

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life. 

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh. 

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring. 

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace. 

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head. 

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more. 

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his. 

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly. 

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear. 

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you. 

-

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[the-voltage-diaries]

I’m only one call away, I’ll be there to save the day - Daisuke Kambe x Haru Katou

AO3 link

This is the literal definition of self indulgence I’m not even kidding you.

And I totally did not write the last 1/3rd of it in a car because I didn’t have the patience to get home.

And this is unedited. So if you find errors please spare my humble life. I LITERALLY WROTE THIS ENTIRE THING TODAY. The inspiration istg.

Summary:

Daisuke Kambe doesn't get nervous. He doesn't overthink. He doesn't doubt anything he does, or any decision he makes. Except when he's in the dressing room, waiting for Hoshino to come and escort him to his soon-to-be husband. 'Cold feet' is the farthest term one would use to describe Daisuke, yet here he stands in front of the large mirror, wondering if he's good enough for the man whose eyes shine brighter than any star he's seen.

All it takes is one call.

And before he knows it, Haru right there in front of him.

He needs his hero, and Haru is there.

TW: Panic Word count: 3136 (woohoo)

Special tag: @akaiiro-yume​ for being my ultimate simp buddy. I told her this whole thing as just an idea and she said she felt like crying and I was like FUCK IT IM GONNA WRITE IT. So here we are. Thank you. 

“Daisuke Kambe,” Haru called his name, his voice so gentle it almost got drowned by the waves as he looked straight ahead at them with Kambe by his side. The serene way his lips curved into a peace smile hid with such grace the nervousness shooting up his spine. 

“Mm?” Daisuke glanced at his boyfriend, wondering why the inspector suddenly chose to call him by his full name instead of the usual ‘bastard’, ‘pain in the ass’, ‘idiot’, or just ‘Kambe’.

‘Am I doing the right thing? Are we ready for this?’

“What is it, Haru?”

“Marry me.”

Daisuke’s eyes widened, and he stared at Haru without blinking even once. “... What?”

“I said,” Haru turned to look at him, giving him an awkward little grin before grabbing Daisuke’s hands in his own and slowly going on one knee, “Marry me, ‘Suke.”

That was all it took. That nickname.

Daisuke felt every tense nerve in his body relax almost immediately as the answer came as naturally to him as breathing.

“Okay.”

Daisuke’s gloved hand wraps around the glass, his soft lips placing themselves on its rim to take another sip of water. It’s probably his tenth sip in the last two minutes (and counting).

“Lord Daisuke, you look incredible!” Suzue remarks, and he sees her smile at him through the mirror.

“Mm.”

“I can’t believe you and Katou-sama are finally getting married.” Suzue steps up behind Daisuke to smoothen the non-existent wrinkles on the thick piece of blue fabric covering his shoulders.

‘I can’t either.’

“It feels like just yesterday when you came back to Japan,” she continues, not noticing the way Daisuke’s nervous fingers fiddle with his cufflinks, “And now it’s already been six years… time passed by too quickly, didn’t it?”

“It has.”

Silence descends over them like a calm cloud while Suzue busies herself by fussing around with his three-piece suit, straightening it more than it already is, rubbing off any invisible lints, fixing his already perfect tie - a crisp, sophisticated taupe - and Daisuke lets his mind wander off once again.

He thinks about the six years he’s spent in Japan. But more specifically, he thinks about the time he spent by his side.

He thinks of all their firsts; their first meeting, their first argument, the first time he let Haru fall (not for him, but off the bridge), their first show of trust, first confessions, first kisses, first everything.

He thinks of their life after they decided to become more than just friends or colleagues. All of the small ways in which Haru reminded him, every day, just how much he adored him. Daisuke thinks of all those cuddles, all the nuzzles, all the intertwining of fingers.

And before he can stop it, a smile - albeit small but so full of love you could feel it radiating off of him - is gracing his lips.

‘Thank you.’ He finds himself thanking Haru in both his mind and heart… for just about everything. 

“Lord Daisuke, are you okay?” Suzue asks, snapping him out of his heartwarming walk down the memory lane.

“Yes, why?”

“Your eyes…” she trails off, and Daisuke’s gaze shifts from looking at her through the mirror to himself. A small gasp leaves his lips when he sees what’s got Suzue so worried about his eyes.

Tears.

A thin layer of unshed tears coats those calm eyes, and Daisuke feels his heart clench with absolute adoration when he realises the meaning behind such a blatant show of emotions.

These tears aren’t of pain. Or of agony. Or of suffering.

There are tears of gratitude. Of love. Of unrestrained joy at the mere thought of the wonderful man waiting for him at the same beach where he proposed.

“I’m fine, Suzue.” Daisuke says, his eyes never leaving the ones in the mirror. “I’m just… overwhelmed,” he admits, taking a deep breath in.

Suzue smiles. “I can understand. It IS a big day, after all.” She turns around, walking towards the door. “I’ll be outside.”

“Thank you,” he says, and he means it. He couldn’t be more grateful to have a sister who understood him so well that they didn’t need words to get their message across.

And with that, Suzue steps out of the room, closing the door behind her, leaving Daisuke alone with his thoughts.

His eyes travel to the clock on one of the walls of the gigantic room, and he sees that he’s still got some time before Hoshino would come by to escort him to his lover. And his fiance.

Daisuke feels another smile tugging at his lips at the word, and he briefly thinks about how he’s been smiling too much today before his mind again wanders off to the man responsible for making him smile so much.

‘He’s too good to me,’ Daisuke thinks, sighing fondly. ‘He makes me believe that it’s okay to feel this… that it’s okay to feel happy. Sometimes it feels like it’s too good to be true.’

And that’s when it strikes him. The one thought which makes his shoulders go stiff, and his lips press themselves together in a stiff line.

‘But… What if it IS too good to be true?’

Daisuke’s mind decides to take another walk down the memory lane, but this time the road isn’t filled with Haru’s smile, or his warmth. This time, the road is dark, cold, unwelcoming. It’s filled with every memory of each time things felt too good to be true… and they were.

‘What if… what if this doesn’t last?’ He thinks, the pictures of his own parents clouding every space they could find in his head.

Haru and him wouldn’t end the same way… right?

‘Would I be able to make Haru happy?’

… As happy as Haru made him?

‘Everything I ever cared for in my life was ripped away from me… Will Haru and I be the same way?’

He notices as his chest starts rising and falling at a faster pace, but he doesn’t pay it any mind.

‘Is it because I’ve been weak? I haven’t been able to protect the people important to me. I-I’ve never been good enough. What if… I still am not good enough?’ 

Daisuke’s eyes widen, terror seeping into them as his mind chooses to project a mental image of Haru walking, but not towards him. It’s an image of Haru having his back turned towards Daisuke, and he is walking away.

‘Am I even worthy of being loved?’

Daisuke thinks back on all the warm, loving moments that he thought of not even five minutes ago, but this time his mind focuses on his own actions instead of Haru’s

‘Haru has done so much to show me he loves me. How many times have I done the same?’

The back of his eyes burn so hard it feels like they’re on fire, and he finds it harder to breathe; he feels as if someone’s just wrapped their fingers around the base of his throat and is squeezing, hard. 

‘Is Haru happy with me? WILL he be happy with me?’

His own fingers come up to his throat, as if trying to replace the invisible ones.

‘Should we even be getting married? What if he realises I’m not worth it?’

‘Where are you, Haru?’ is what his heart screams instead, but he doesn’t hear it.

‘O-oh god, I cannot be forcing him to marry me.’

‘I need you, Haru. Find me. Please, find me.’

‘He doesn’t love me. He shouldn’t be marrying me.’

‘Haru, please. Save me.’

I’m only one call away.

He doesn’t even notice his fingers finding the surface of his phone and he is too busy letting himself fall down the dark spiral his mind lay out for him to bother seeing what his fingers are doing with the phone.

Daisuke feels his feet give away, and he slowly slides down to the floor. His body trembles, his breathing continues to quicken, and he feels something dark crawl up his spine.

It’s something he can’t describe, but it’s so dark and so… consuming. He feels like his mind is being ripped into shreds, as if someone is slowly claiming their control over it.

“H-Haru…” He whimpers and looks up, closing his eyes. He feels the thick layer of tears forming beyond his lids collapse as silent tears stream down his face. He opens his mouth to breathe, but the inhale turns into a choked sob.

He wasn’t good enough. He isn’t good enough. And he never will be good enough.

Daisuke bites his trembling lips and brings his knees closer to his body in an attempt to hide away from himself. 

Hah. What a pitiful sight. And Haru thought THIS weak little boy would be good enough for him? He should leave him while he still has time.

“Haru… please. I need you. Pl-Please don’t leave m-”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

I’ll be there to save the day.

Daisuke’s head snaps in the direction of the voice; a voice powerful enough to break the hold of what was slowly crawling through his mind, consuming him whole.

“Haru…” he whispers, blinking the tears away in an attempt to clear his vision.

The attempt is futile anyway, because the moment his sight comes into focus, he feels a pair of all too familiar arms pull him into a strong chest. “I’m right here,” Haru murmurs, pressing a kiss to his forehead before sitting down in front of him and pulling Daisuke between his legs.

“I-” Daisuke’s eyes widen, confusion slowly colouring over every other thought for the moment. “Wasn’t it Hoshino who was supposed to come?”

“You really expect me to ask Hoshino to check in on you when you call my number and then say my name the way you said it?”

‘I called him?’

“You sounded like someone was forcefully pulling every ounce of life out of you.”

“... I did?”

‘Yes, you bastard. You scared the living fucks out of me, y’know?’ Haru thinks, but instead of saying anything, he only pulls Daisuke closer to him.

He smiles when he feels Daisuke return the gesture.

Daisuke’s arms wrap around Haru’s neck and he places his face in the crook of his neck, taking a deep sniff of the latter’s scent. He feels his panic flow out of his body as the warmth of the man himself washes over his entire being.

“H-Haru-” the millionaire stutters, tears again filling his eyes, now that he’s had a moment for everything to catch up to him. Haru’s arms only pull him closer, as close as physically possible, and that’s when Daisuke notices some things he didn’t see earlier.

“You’re safe. I’m here. I’m with you. And I’m not going anywhere.” Haru speaks in between pants, his forehead covered with a thin, barely there layer of sweat.

‘He RAN all the way here?’ Daisuke thinks, taking in every bit of whatever Haru offered him; his love, his warmth, his confidence, his belief in them.

Superman got nothin’ on me.

“Haru.” Daisuke pulls his head back to look at the taupe-haired man.

“What?” Haru replies, his head still facing down. He doesn’t look up, and Daisuke can only wonder why.

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Haru.”

“No.” “I love you.”

Haru’s head snaps up at the speed of light, his eyes so wide Daisuke fears his eyeballs might pop out of their sockets.

But now that Haru’s finally looking at him, Daisuke takes the opportunity to find out for himself why the man absolutely refused to look up at him just moments ago.

He feels all the air drain out from his lungs at the findings of his inspection.

‘He’s trembling.’

“I was so scared, Kambe,” Haru whispers, his head dropping on Daisuke’s shoulder. “I was so scared when I heard you sound so… weak.” 

“I love you.” Daisuke repeats, and this time it’s him who places a kiss on the other man’s forehead.

“I love you too.”

Haru looks up, and their lips come together so naturally and so perfectly, one would think it was meant to be. And maybe it was. 

And just like that, they sit there for a few minutes, wrapped up in their own warm little bubble, the world forgotten.

“Oi, Kambe,” Haru murmurs into Daisuke’s shoulder, successfully catching the attention of the shorter man. “What really happened?”

Daisuke sucks in a sharp breath, knowing exactly what Haru was talking about. The fingers holding on to Haru tighten a little more as he opens his mouth, and begins explaining what actually went down.

Daisuke speaks, and speaks. He expresses every minute detail, because he knows Haru is listening. Haru always listens. And he doesn’t just listen, he makes sure the other knows that he is there for him no matter what.

I’m only one call away.

Once he is done telling Haru everything, he looks at him with baited breath, trying to gauge Haru’s reaction. The only answer he gets is utter confusion as Haru pulls back from their embrace and stands up, brushing the barely-there dust off his suit. He looks down at his lover and extends a hand out to him.

But instead of grabbing that hand, Daisuke’s eyes get lost in the very gorgeousness of sight Haru Katou presents. Haru’s dressed in a three-piece suit, just like Daisuke himself, but it’s taupe in colour. His tie is the same blue as Daisuke’s suit, and he looks downright ravishing.

“We haven’t got all day, idiot.”

Haru sighs, grabbing Daisuke by the hand and pulling him up. He quickly wipes Daisuke’s tears and makes him look presentable (as if he wasn’t already) before dragging him to the door.

Haru opens the door to the dressing room, but before they can step out, Daisuke stops him.

“What are you doing?” Daisuke asks, his brows furrowed and the usual disinterest back on his face.

“Walking down the aisle with my bride.”

“You do know that you’re not supposed to be the one escorting me.”

“Yeah, and what about it?”

“Katou Haru. Are you joking with me?”

Haru turns around to meet Daisuke’s eyes and pulls the shorter man to him with one tug on his arm. He bends his head, giving Daisuke a quick kiss before pulling back and whispering, “Why? Is there a problem?”

Daisuke isn’t even given the time to blush, because Haru is already turning on his feet and walking down the hallway, pulling the millionaire behind him. They keep walking for a short while, even after they leave the building and step onto the beach, before Haru finally comes to a stop.

“We’re here.” 

Daisuke pokes his head from behind Haru’s back to see where exactly they are. “Oh my sweet bleeding heart.”

“Of all things in the world, that’s the first thing you say, rascal?”

“Haru, I-” Daisuke is quite literally at a loss for words, because right now, in this very moment, in front of him is a low stage setup with curtains falling around it in a circular fashion, and tiny fairy lights giving it it’s very own magical glow. It’s like a world within a world. A world away from everyone, from everything - a world for just the two of them.

“Come on, you and make it anywhere. But for now… we can stay here for a while.” Haru mutters, glancing at Daisuke, “'Cause you know, I just wanna see you smile.”

“Very cheesy, I’ll give you that,” Daisuke chuckles, stepping on to the stage. “So…” he turns to look at Haru, “What now?”

“Dance with me.” Haru says, and then there is no going back.

All it takes is a nod from Daisuke and Haru steps closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist.

“What is it?” Haru asks, noticing the furrow of Daisuke’s brows.

“We have no music.”

“I got it covered,” is all Haru says before snapping his fingers, and almost immediately, music fills the space around them. 

“What song is this?” Daisuke asks, letting Haru pull him in by the waist and following his lead.

“Doesn’t matter. Focus on the lyrics. Oh, and me, of course.”

And so Daisuke does.

I'm only one call away I'll be there to save the day

Daisuke’s eyes stare into Haru’s as their feet move together, and he smiles at the lyrics, letting the other man know just how much he loves him. And this. Just how grateful he is for it all.

Superman got nothin' on me

And Daisuke can’t help but agree with that. His fingers gip Haru’s a little tighter as he sighs, his head coming to rest on the other’s shoulder.

I'm only one call away

Call me, baby, if you need a friend I just wanna give you love

“I love you,” Daisuke whispers at that, pressing a kiss to where his forehead rested just a moment ago. 

Come on, come on, come on Reachin' out to you, so take a chance

Daisuke pulls back a couple of steps, only to have Haru reach his arm out. He grabs it, doing a slow spin and falling into the arms of the man he loves more than his life could possibly define.

No matter where you go You know you're not alone

“I love you too.”

Silence soon falls between them and they both close their eyes, letting the music be their voice.

Come along with me and don't be scared I just wanna set you free

Come on, come on, come on You and me can make it anywhere

Realisation finally dawns on Daisuke as he realises where Haru’s words from earlier really came from. He smirks.

But for now, we can stay here for a while, ayy 'Cause you know, I just wanna see you smile

“You’re just a giant ball of sap, aren’t you?” He retorts, looking up at Haru. He might be smirking, but even he can’t hide the affection that swells up in his eyes as his hands reach up to wrap around Haru’s neck, allowing the latter to snake both his arms around Daisuke’s waist.

“Shut up.”

And when you're weak, I'll be strong I'm gonna keep holdin' on

“I’ll never let you go, Katou.”

Now don't you worry, it won't be long, darlin' And when you feel like hope is gone

Haru smiles, pulling Daisuke closer to him.

Just run into my arms

“Funny, because I don’t plan to let you go either, bastard.”

I'm only one call away I'll be there to save the day

“You really are a hero, you know, Haru?”

Superman got nothin' on me

“Just yours, ‘Suke. Just yours.” Haru murmurs, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Daisuke’s.

I'm only one, I'm only one call away

“Forever.” Daisuke replies, his own eyes slowly shutting.

“And ever.”

Fin.

DONTCHA WORRY THEY DID GET MARRIED IN THE END THEY DIDNT FORGET ABOUT IT

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

i got this idea because when am i not soft for chris? i’m a little shy typing this because it’s kind of nsfwish but here goes nothing, chris is tired and just wants to cuddle you, you are reading and he lets you continue but starts slipping his hands down your pjs (not in a sexual way, at least not for the time being) and then he starts undressing you because you are warm and craves the intimacy of having your naked bodies pressed against each other and just clingy but so soft?💕

A/N- Uhhh so it did turn into smut, gentle smut. Like need to relax smut. I cant help myself. 

8:54 PM

Chris groaned looking at the time, and rubbed a hand over his face. Finally he was done, he was heading up the front porch steps and FINALLY he was going through the front door into a semi dark house. Can we say long day? Yes, it was a long day, he had flown out this morning on the red eye for Washington DC at 3 AM. He left you looking all sleepy in bed, your hair spread over his pillow as you shifted into his warm spot, and watched with half closed eyes at him picking out his suit.

“You should wear the grey Handsome.” You softly say while plumping his pillow under your head and wriggling in his dip in the bed. The blankets now twisted around your legs, and your foot poked out to brush along his leg as he laid it out on the end of the bed.

“Grey it is babygirl, go back to sleep.” His hand rubbed against your foot and tucked it back under the blanket. You yawned just then and went to sit up but he was quicker and his hand pressed against your shoulder to lay you back down. “We have enough time if you wanna play in the shower.”

Chris groaned at the idea, but he held strong. “You have a meeting in a few hours, and we can tomorrow, when Im not in a rush and can love you properly.” You seemed to accept that answer and relaxed back in the pillow nodding. Letting his lips brush one last time against yours, you settled back in to sleep, and Chris finished getting ready, mentally going over his schedule. As he left, he whispered to Dodger who now laid claim to half the bed. “Watch over her Bubs”

Now it was dark, the downstairs was dark short of the light over the stove, in which he found a covered plate sitting with a note. Evening baby, not sure when you will be home, and sounded like you guys were to busy to eat. Wake me up if Im not up! Xo, you had written in that wispy way of yours when your in a rush, and he lifted the cover to see a bowl of still warm stew and crusts of french bread. He popped it in the microwave and gave it a quick heat. Hitting the button before it could ding, he ate it right at the counter with now mans best friend sitting at his feet. “You want a taste bub?” he questioned, and with a light wag of his tail and hopeful eyes, Chris chuckled, and sopped up the rest of the soup with the last bite of bread, tossing it to Dodger. With a snap of his jaws, he raced off with his prize to disappear somewhere in the house, the click of his nails fading away.

Picking up and heading up the stairs, there was a soft glow in the hallway, to show the bedroom door half open and the source of the light. Easing it open, you were laying across the top of the bed, your hair in a messy bun and glasses perched at the end of your nose, reading a book. But hearing him you looked up and grinned. “Welcome home Handsome”

“Welcome home indeed” He sat on the edge of the bed, loosening his tie. You moved across the bed and draped over his back to nuzzle his neck while he unbuttoned his shirt, purring against his neck as you went to brush kisses against his skin. His hand lifted and cupped your face, tilting to kiss those soft lips of yours. “It went well, I think were just about finished up, and ready to launch.” Your hands rubbed against his shoulders and his head dipped forward giving a soft groan. “Your hands are magic Y/N.”

“Yea, you need it, your tense.” You gently tug on his shirt and draw it off. Moving to a stand, he continued to undress and put away his suit, telling you about the rest of his day, then he withdrew into the bathroom to brush his teeth. You got comfy once more with your book, stretched out on your stomach, your feet loping over your lower back, swinging back and forth slowly. When he returned in the only way he ever sleeps, naked, he laid on his back, arm over his face to relax. You promptly slid over closer, and his arm went around to rub your lower back, turning to kiss your shoulder, cuddling you in closer. Your so warm, Chris thought while letting his hand smooth along the band of your boy shorts, and slide under, squeezing an ass cheek lightly.

You simply turn the page, knowing your man would tell you soon enough what he wanted. His beard brushed against the sensitive spot along your shoulder, making you wriggle and glance at him over your glasses. “You know that tickles Chris.” you shift in closer and his hand slides back up to dip into your waist, mlving up your tank to make it ride up. “Mmhhh your so warm and feel so good baby.” He mutters against your shoulder while tugging you closer.

“Oh are you cold Handsome?” you giggle while marking the place in your book, tossing it aside while he drew your shirt up and over your head, looking down at you with more then a warm look now in his eyes. You pressed in close to his bare chest and pushed him back to lay down. You slipped to straddle him, your thighs lightly grasping his waist while you pressed your breasts against his chest, placing a soft kiss on his lips. “Well I dont mind cuddling up to warm you back up.”

Of course he trailed your body, slipping his hands back under the band of your boy shorts, rubbing your cheeks and once more squeezed palm fulls, returning gentle nips to your lips. Brushing your hands through his hair till it spiked slightly, leaving it that messy bed head look you adored, you smiled down in his sleepy face. “Cuddling leads to other things, cause your fucking irresistible babygirl.” Chris confessed, letting his nose trail along yours and sighed softly. You could feel just how tense he still was underneath you, the ripple of his muscles tender to your touch, rocking your hips lightly against him as your hands rubbed up and down his side, those nips of kisses, soft and gentle turned more frequently shared. Deeper, and soft sighs led to a guttered moan and you give a soft bite while reaching down between you two, rubbing his erection that you can feel thick between you.

You were so warm, soft over him, it was impossible for him not to be turned on, and you arch up to move back enough to slide your bottoms off. “Cuddling does lead to other things, and you babe needs to relax. Let me do that for you.” You tell him while moving back up his body and now he could admire all of you. Soft supple curves glowing in the dim light, could see the slight glisten between your thighs. You nip lightly against his chest while pumping your hand around his cock and guide him to press into you, filling you when you press down. Ahhh, you were warm and welcoming, your hands taking his while rocking your hips.

“Mmmhhh you feel so good babygirl.” His hips taking slow thrusts, your rocking against him at the same speed, giving soft moans and moving your hands to his shoulders, panting at how good he feels filling you, hitting against your sweet spot at this angle, rotating your hips gently to grind against him. “So do you Chris, you make me feel so good, so full.” You shuddered lightly as his hands grasped your hips gently to move you faster, looking to reach that moment of release. You cup his face and kiss him fiercely, laying claim to his mouth, crying softly into it, as you shuddered in the beginning wave. “Oh god Chris... please im right there.”

“I know babygirl, I can feel it.” He grunts back, you were just warm before, but now your body sliding against his, hot, friction burning between you two, clasping around him and drawing him in deeper, making you moan out once more. “I need it...” loosening his grasp on your hip, to reach between your thighs and rolling his fingertips over your sensitive clit, your mouth hung open and your forehead pressed against his chest while grinding back. “fuck yes babe, oh god, oh god.” Your voice is soft whimpers and cries and his jaw clenches as he is right there, his thrusts ragged, stuttering. When you came, crying out his name, he to spiraled with you, pulling his arms around you and rocking through it, hissing out your name right back.

Your in bliss, milking him of the last of his seed, slowly loosening your hold around him, and settling more comfortably against his chest. He brushes your hair back and kisses your temple, holding there a moment and giving a sigh of relaxation. “Im not moving tonight.” you say while flexing heatedly around him once more and your head against his chest, which made you rise and sink slowly, could hear him chuckle softly. Chris reached for a blanket you frequently cuddled up with when you didnt want to get under all the covers and sheets.

“Dont, I rather like you right here, all soft and warm on me, and around me.” Draping the blanket over you and with a sharp clap above the two of you, the lights in the room turned off, leaving everything in only the soft glow of the street light across the street. “And its even better cause we can sleep in tomorrow and do this all over again.” He said sleepily, which you hummed softly back in agreement.

“Good things I dont have plans tomorrow.” You rubbed your hand over his shoulder and along his neck with gentle fingertips.

“Not true, you have plans with me Y/N” Chris informed you in a half sleep state and you rubbed your face in against his chest, chuckling.

“Im all yours tomorrow Handsome, Love you.” and when you looked up, his head was tipped back, and his breathing smoothed out, sound asleep and fully relaxed holding you, and you settled back in, not far behind.

[aldi-mikazuki]

Goodnignt

I remember the last time i had a good nights rest, the moon was full and my room had a pleasantly calm atmosphere.... I liked being alone in it, i was safe, and the dark was my blanket, i wasn't afraid. Although admittedly, even when im comfortable, it's not as if i always trust. I've had this love hate relationship with it, on and off just like the sky, and it's beautiful inconsistency. on one hand escaping the lights judgemental gaze is a wonderful thing, on the other im a blind fool in the arms of the gloom. And i suppose the fool never learns.

When was the first time i realized this? When was the first time i truly feared the dark? I mean- i suppose the fear of the dark stems not from the darkness itself, but because we fear what lies within its shadows. So let me rephrase... When was the first time i met him.

It had to have been when i first moved in to my new house, the old lady selling it to me told me to take good care of it, she said she hoped i would find my forever home in her "friend".

"I have many memories here, and i trust you Elaine, i trust you'll take care of my old friend." "Old friend ma'am? This house?" "Ah yes, the house..... Do please excuse me deary im fairly attached to this house"

At the time i had smiled awkwardly at her and told her not to worry! I would take care of it, but part of me felt unsettled, why was she so hesitant to call the house a friend? She couldn't have been referring to something else.... Right?

A week after i fully moved into the house i saw the old woman passing by, so i decided to go greet her. I went outside and yelled from my porch "Ma'am!! Hello, i wasn't expecting to see you again! How are you this fine afternoon?" "Oh im doing well deary how- AAAAH" the woman screeched and collapsed after turning to me, she screamed on the floor as she tried to crawl away. I ran to her aid. "Ma'am!!! Miss!?!? Are you alright?? Do you need my help?" I approached her but she started to sob and wail. "No!!! Stay away, take care of my friend!! I can't do this anymore, i can't be his anymore! You're his friend now, stay by his side!! Love him till the end of his days please!!! i can't live like this anymore, i can't be his friend anymore" "what...?" "LEAVE ME!!! HE'S BEHIND YOU!! I DON'T WANT HIM NEAR ME, GO BACK INSIDE BY HIS SIDE! LEAVE ME"

Startled and in a panic i looked around, there was no one...? Nevertheless i shook it off, she needed my help!! I went back inside and went for my phone, and i called 911.

"911 what's your emergency?" "Hello yes!! This old woman Collapsed in front of my house!! She's in hysterics and i don't know what to do, she's on the floor and wailing and scared, please i need help" "ok calm down, i need your location" "676 richardson avenue" "Emergency services are on their way, while you wait i need you to follow my instructions alright?" "Ok" "You told me the woman is in hysterics?" "Yes" "and she's on the ground?" "Yes" "i need you to try and sit her up, she needs to breathe deeply and you need to calm her down, ask questions and try to get her to clear her mind" "o-ok"

Keeping the emergency responders instructions in mind i ran back outside.

"M-miss? I was told i need to help you sit up, may i-" Before i could finish she started to sob "what part of leave me is so hard!?!? I just want him to go, he's had me long enough! He's by your side!! He's standing right there!! Lead him away .TAKE. HIM. AWAY."

I was so lost, who was this he?? Was it the house? Does she not like the house? "Ma'am i know you're scared but please i need to-" before i could say anymore the medics were here, they all got out the emergency vehicle and ran towards us " please step aside we're going to have to take her" hesitantly, i stepped back and let them take her away.

i watched as they put her on a stretcher and put a mask on her. She looked like she started hyperventilating, and before i could say anything to them they loaded her in and road off.

"What just happened...?" I looked dumbfounded after the truck "what should i do now?? Should i even do anything? What was she even referring to!?" My thoughts began to spiral as i went back to sit on my porch, i couldn't stop thinking about what she said... "He's had me long enough" "who is this he....? Is he in the house?" I looked back inside, the house no longer feeling like a home. I was peering in cautiously, But Before i could scare myself anymore i dismissed the thought, "she's an old woman, im sure she's just losing it! The house is fine" and with that i went back inside.

Later that night i found out that the woman had died from a heart attack, they said she was panicking to much all the way to the hospital and eventually her heart couldn't take the commotion, she was dead before they even arrived.

I had to head into bed after that, it was s bit much to handle. it felt like it was my fault. What if i had stayed inside all day? Would she have lived if i hadn't said hi? Did... Did he cause this? "Who is he...?" Before i could turn the question over something in the corner moved. the shadows were moving?? The shadows started to morph and the creature started to crawl off the walls, its lengthy claws outstretched towards me, he was crawling up the bed and i could feel his presence hovering over me. "What are you...!?" I trembled in fear as the creature opened its mouth, but there was no sound... Just my thoughts "im everything and nothing" it's raspy voice almost felt like nails on a chalk board, like there was a million awful screeches in one voice, and yet i wasn't hearing him.... He was just there. "What-" before i could speak again i could feel breath, even his breathing was shrill and high, i could hear him, he was breathing on me... He's so loud... Make it stop! "I don't know what you are... But stop! Please i don't know you, i- i don't know-" he screeched again and i trembled in fear, holding my hands on my ears, the blood curdling screeches only getting louder and louder, before he lunged at me, at just like that i was out.

My dreams were just as cruel as tonight's reality, the sounds of endless suffering filling my head, i fell into the pits of nothingness as the sound echoed around me, tonight felt like an eternity.

Every night since then was the same, an endless cacophony of mindless noise, my sounds of desperation joining the frey, and there was noting i could do.

I went to see a therapist for a while, i told her about the demons i had, and she said "we all have demons, we just need to treat them nicely! Treat them like a friend in need, be nice." "b-but he's real!! He's in my head, he's on the walls! I know he's real, he screams and crawls-" "all demons are real to us, we just need to learn to accept them, give him a name, become acquainted! Be 'his' friend" and with that she padded my head and smiled "don't let your imagination get a hold of you, you'll be fine" "o-ok"

Well that was a great help! I just LOVE therapy.

Regardless of how stupid i thought her advice felt, i tried it out that night, best i can do is stop fearing the stupid thing right? Ill give him a stupid name, perhaps that would help to! i laid in bed and called out in a relaxed tone "Goodnight gregory" i cuddled in my bed satisfied with my attempts before i froze, the darkness staring back as it reached out "goodnight.... Elaine"

[teacupfulofstarshine]

pattonella part 7: and y’all thought this au was dead

yes, it has been a year since i updated this. no, i do not care. 

part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // read on ao3!! 

tw: mild injury, minor blood mention, anxiety, nightmare mentions, mention of death

logan doesn’t regret his decisions. 

he doesn’t really have time for regret. he makes what he thinks is the most logical decision, and he rolls with the consequences. he can count exactly four times that he’s regretted a decision (and all of them involve either thomas or roman or both bursting into tears). now, curling into the fetal position to protect his head as a draft horse rears above him, hooves the side of his head about to crash through his fragile ribcage and even more fragile skull, he adds a fifth decision to his very short list of regrets. 

he can hear roman’s voice, high and frantic, and he knows he should probably get up but he’s pretty sure he hit his head. everything is slightly fuzzy around the edges, and then he hears virgil. he’s using that strange language again, the one logan doesn’t speak, and it seeps into the air, thick and liquid like honey. 

strange lights spiral up the horse’s rear legs, wrapping around its torso and tail and front legs and neck and it’s different from what logan has seen of virgil’s magic so far. it leaves a strange gray dust in its wake, spreading and cracking across the horse’s body. 

logan waits for the inevitable crash of hooves on flagstone (or hooves on bone), but it doesn’t come. when he finally manages to open his eyes, he sees virgil, standing above him, hands and eyes glowing a brilliant purple. his gaze shifts a few feet, and he sees the horse above him. 

he keeps waiting for the hooves to drop, but they never do. the big, black horse is now gray and unmoving. it’s been turned completely to stone. “are you okay?!” virgil asks, voice layered and thick with magic. 

“what . . . happened? what . . . what did you . . . ah, my head . . .” 

“logan?!” 

suddenly, roman appears, dropping to his knees and gently touching logan’s face. his fingertips are red when he pulls them away. why would they be red? logan doesn’t understand . . . 

“we gotta get you back to the palace,” roman decides firmly. logan feels the world spin and shift beneath him, and suddenly someone is holding him. he can hear his little brother’s voice, making some kind of big announcement. (he knows it’s a big announcement because roman’s voice has his Prince Tone, which he only pulls out for official declarations.) 

logan’s not conscious for much longer after that. 

*~*~*~*~* 

the second he sees virgil’s magic wrap around the horse, roman is running. he can hear patton’s footsteps following after him, but his eyes are locked firmly on his brother. he sinks to his knees next to logan, frantically calling his name and touching his head. his fingers come away wet with blood from a graze on logan’s temple. 

he sees patton touching virgil’s shoulder, bringing his arms down and murmuring calmly to him, but roman can only focus on his brother. “we gotta get you back to the palace,” roman says, shifting logan’s body carefully so that he can stand with his brother in his arms. the citizens are starting to gather around them, and that’s not good at all. 

“good citizens!” roman announces, pouring all his regality into his voice. “it appears there has been a mishap with a horse. my brother, prince logan, was not seriously injured, but we will take him to the court physician immediately, just to be safe.” 

a young man comes barrelling through the crowd, dropping to his knees in front of roman; he recognizes him as the castle blacksmith’s young son. “your highness! i am so sorry, please, please forgive me!” he sounds like he’s about to cry - looks it, too. “i - it was my fault! that’s father’s horse, i spooked him by dropping a bucket and he ran, please, i - i didn’t mean to hurt the prince, please!” 

“my brother is not seriously injured,” roman says, not unkindly. “i’m sure he will make a full recovery.” 

“you all might want to move out of the way,” virgil says, voice strained. “i can’t hold this stone spell forever!” roman, the young man, and patton quickly scramble away as virgil drops his glowing hands. the stone skin on the horse cracks and crumbles, dissolving into dust as the horse’s front hooves come crashing down. 

before he can rear up again, virgil grabs his bridle, pressing a hand to his chest and murmuring another spell. this one is slower, softer, and the horse calms a little, tossing his head and whinnying but no longer rearing. “shhhh, shhhh-shhhh-shhhh, there we go,” virgil murmurs, stroking the horse’s nose. “good boy.” 

“i - i’m so sorry,” the young man stammers again. roman shakes his head. 

“you don’t need to apologize, and i’m sure that logan would tell you the same thing. it wasn’t your fault that the horse was startled. go on, take him home now, and be a bit more careful that you tie him up next time, alright?” 

“of - of course! thank you, so much, prince roman, thank you so much -” the boy gasps. he takes the horse’s bridle and leads him back towards the shop. 

“patton, virgil, come with me,” roman says. they both press close behind him as he sweeps into the castle. out of the corner of his eye, he can see patton wrapping an arm around virgil to support him. 

roman tells the first servant he sees to inform thomas of what’s happened, and then he leads them to the southern wing of the palace. it’s a large, spacious suite full of windows to let the sun in, and it fences in a sheltered courtyard garden where all sorts of medicinal herbs and plants are grown. the castle doctor is draped lazily in the window seat, reading a massive leather book. “what’s happenin’, babes, you’re interruptin’ - prince roman?” 

“there was an incident, doctor picani, something’s happened to logan.” in an instant, the doctor’s manner changes. roman gently places logan on the bed, stretching him out and arranging him on his back as though he’s asleep. 

“what happened?” 

“there was a horse,” virgil says, voice whispery as he sits down hard on a chair next to the bed. “big, a draft horse. it grazed his head with its front hoof when it was spooked and rearing. he was conscious for a few minutes, if dazed, but now he - you - you have to help him, please.” doctor picani carefully cleans and bandages the cut on logan’s head. “he’s alright, prince roman. i’ll put ‘im through his paces when he wakes up, but i don’t think he’s seriously injured. now, are you gonna introduce me to these lovely little darlin’s you’ve brought with you?” 

“this is patton sanders, the rightful and newly reinstated lord of the sanders manor, and his brother, virgil. patton, virgil, this is doctor remy picani.” 

“a pleasure, your lordship,” remy hums, bowing with a flourish. 

“just - just patton is fine.”

“do you want somethin’ for that magical exhaustion, babes?” 

virgil startles. “for what?”

“the magical exhaustion. it’s plain as the freckles on your brother’s face, i’d be a damn fool of a doctor if i didn’t recognize it, and i wouldn’t be a very good husband, either.” 

“you’re married?” 

remy wiggles his left hand at them, where a gold ring gleams on his fourth finger. “my husband’s one of the castle gardeners. he tends my medicinal garden for me, and he also grows the most beautiful flowers. i took his last name, because mine’s garbage. he’s got a little plant magic, and i know what magical exhaustion looks like. you’ve got it bad.” 

“i . . . yeah, i guess i have been pushing myself . . .” remy goes into the courtyard looking for his husband, and only a few minutes later the doors burst open. the noise startles virgil, who jumps, but it’s thomas, running into the room. “roman?! where is he, where’s lo?!” 

“he’s here, thomas, he’s here, he’s okay,” roman says, hurrying towards his brother. thomas catches roman and pulls him into his arms, hugging him tightly, and roman finally lets himself relax and be afraid. he hides his face in his big brother’s shoulder and pretends he isn’t shaking. 

“it’s okay, ro,” thomas murmurs, gently stroking his back. “it’s all gonna be okay.” 

*~*~*~*~*

when the doctor comes back, there’s a shorter man with him, holding his hand. his hair is a wild nest of curls, his eyes are unnaturally green, and he reminds virgil of patton. he’s carrying a small handful of leaves, and he quickly lights a fire with a wave of his hand under a teakettle in the corner. 

“do you how do, everybody! my husband says you’ve got some magical exhaustion symptoms?” virgil nods, a little too stunned to react properly, and the man smiles. “well, this tea’ll get you fixed up right as rain! i know how much it sucks, but don’t worry. it’ll be alright!” 

“this is emile, my wonderful husband,” remy says. emile turns pink and goes up on his tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

“rem, you’re embarrassing me!” 

“oh, i haven’t even started embarrassin’ you, darlin’,” remy teases. emile squeaks and swats at his hand, but even though virgil is exhausted and feels as though he’s about to pass out he can tell that they love each other. the tea finishes far more quickly than it should, and emile pours him a nice warm cup. 

“drink it all up, you’ll feel loads better, i promise!” 

virgil is hesitant to sip at the tea, but emile is right. the second he swallows the first mouthful, he instantly feels revitalized. “this . . . is amazing.” 

“it is, isn’t it? you’ll still have to take it easy for a little while, no major spells for a day or so, but you’ll be alright. i hear you’re the one who saved our second prince, then?” 

“y - yeah, i - i turned the horse to stone, and then when logan was safe i dropped that spell and used a calming spell to stop the horse from freaking out more.” 

“and you put all those protection spells on me earlier,” roman adds. emile’s eyes widen, and virgil winces. 

“you did what? that’s so much magic, virgil! you’ll definitely need to take it easy after all that.” 

“virgil?” roman says softly. virgil looks up at him. “it - it’s almost like you knew that logan was gonna get attacked by that horse. you reacted so fast, it’s like you - like you knew.” 

virgil feels his heart sink. 

“d . . . did you know?” thomas asks. virgil stares guiltily at the ground. 

“i . . . i have . . . nightmares, sometimes. visions. they always come in sets of three - there’s something from the recent past, something from the present, and something from the near future. i had a nightmare, earlier. i - i saw something that happened during roman’s training match.” 

“past,” patton murmurs, taking his hand.

“i - i saw you two snuggling and laughing, just like you were when i burst into the room when i woke up.” “that was present then,” thomas says. 

“and - and then i - i saw logan, c - crumpled underneath a m-massive horse, and - and i knew that had to be the future. so i was - i was nervous that something might happen. so i was paying attention, but - but not enough attention to stop him from getting hurt -”

“virgil,” thomas says. virgil cuts himself off immediately. “you saved logan’s life.”

“i - wh - how -”

“if you hadn’t been here, if you hadn’t had that vision, if you hadn’t had your magic, logan would most certainly have been killed by that horse. but he wasn’t, because you saved him.” 

virgil nearly drops the teacup in shock when thomas, the king’s eldest son, the crown prince in all but name, the heir to the god damn throne, pulls away from roman and drops to one knee in front of him. roman stares in shock for only a moment longer before he’s following his brother’s lead. 

“wh - wha - y - your majesty, wh - what are you -”

“we owe you a great debt, virgil,” thomas says, voice formal and regal. you have the gratitude of the royal family for the service you have performed here today. this will not be forgotten.” 

“you - you don’t need to -”

“we would have lost logan without you, virgil,” roman says. he and thomas stay on one knee for a moment longer before standing up. thomas gently puts a hand on virgil’s shoulder and smiles at him, and he’s no longer the heir to the throne. he’s just a very worried, very relieved older brother. 

that puts virgil a little bit at ease. 

*~*~*~*~*

“roman, sweetheart?” 

patton reaches a hand toward the youngest prince. roman has his back to him, staring out the window and decidedly not looking at logan’s pale form in the bed. “ro?” 

roman turns to face him, and his eyes are watery. patton reaches toward his face, unsure if roman wants to be touched right now, but his question is answered when roman leans forward and rests his cheek against patton’s hand. patton gently sweeps his thumb over roman’s cheek and steps into his arms. 

“logan is okay,” he murmurs. “he’ll be alright.” roman is the taller of the two of them, and patton can’t stop himself from smiling as roman nuzzles into his hair. 

“i know,” he says, “but - but he’s my big brother. i’m supposed to be the fighter, the one who puts themself in danger and gets hurt protecting people, and - and he - he’s hurt now, and i can’t - if virgil hadn’t been there, i couldn’t have saved  him.”

“but virgil was there,” patton soothes. “and logan’s gonna be okay.”

“i’m supposed to leave,” roman says softly. “i - i have to go, tonight, but - but i don’t want to leave while logan is still like this.” 

“you don’t have to leave just yet,” patton murmurs. “you can stay here with us for now. you can wait for a while, and when he wakes up you’ll see that he’s okay.” 

“okay . . .”

“do you have to go?” patton asks. his voice is small, and he knows it’s stupid to ask this of roman but he can’t stop himself. “you - the bandits are dangerous, right? i don’t - i don’t want it to be you in that hospital bed.” 

“it is dangerous, love, but i have to go. that’s my job as the captain of the knights and prince of the kingdom. i’m sworn to protect the citizens in any way i can, no matter what happens.”

“i understand,” patton says, because he does understand, even if he doesn’t like it. 

“but,” roman says, moving one hand to carefully tip patton’s chin back. the sunlight strikes roman’s eyes and lights them up, making his irises appear to glow, and patton forgets how to breathe. 

“i’m also sworn to you, my darling. i promised that you wouldn’t have to worry ever again, that i would be here for you from now on. i’m hardly going to let some measly troop of bandits take me away from you, am i?” 

“you promise?” 

“may i kiss you, darling?”  “you may,” patton breathes, and roman kisses him. his hand slides up to twist his fingers through patton’s hair, and patton presses his entire body as close to roman as he can. roman’s other hand slides down to hold his waist, firm and protective. his thumb sweeps over patton’s hipbone, and patton is gone. 

they end up curled on the windowsill, snuggling in the warm sunlight. roman sits with his back braced against the wall, and patton slides up between his legs to lay against his chest. roman holds him tightly, gently stroking his back, chin resting on top of patton’s head. despite what’s happened, the sunlight is warm, and roman is warmer, and his heartbeat is strong and steady and soothing, and patton finds himself dozing off. 

he’s not sure how long he’s asleep, but he wakes up to someone gently shaking his shoulder. “lord sanders?” it’s the doctor, remy. 

“y’can call me patton,” he yawns, sitting up. roman stirs when he moves, rubbing at his eyes. 

“patton, prince roman, logan’s awake.” 

that wakes them both up almost instantly, and patton practically trips over himself as they hurry over to the bed. logan is sitting up, one hand pressed to his forehead and the other held tightly between both of virgil’s. thomas isn’t in the room, and patton watches the doctor call a servant to go and tell him the news. 

“lo!” 

logan turns to look at his brother and smiles. “hello, roman. how are you?”

“how am i?! how are you?! you got knocked in the head by a horse, logan, i -” 

“roman, i assure you that i am alright. i have a headache, and my memory of the event is a tad fuzzy, but i will survive, i promise.” 

roman makes a weird noise and leans down to hug logan tightly. “i was so worried for you, idiot brother.” 

logan hugs him back with his free hand, gently patting his shoulder. “and i care very much for you, too, roman.” 

when roman finally lets go of roman, he steps back and takes patton’s hand, lacing their fingers together. remy examines logan for a few minutes, looking at his eyes and asking him questions and taking the bandage off his head. there’s a cut on his forehead, a straight line that slices down past his temple. 

“you’re very lucky,” remy says. “a couple inches either side, and you’d’ve lost either your eye or your life. but as it stands, i think you’re alright. you’ve got a mild concussion, so you’re gonna need to take it easy for a couple days.” 

“i do not have the time for that, remy, i have work to do.” logan tries to stand up, wobbles, and immediately sits down. “oh, that - that was a poor decision.”

“yes, it was,” remy says snarkily. “you’re on bed rest for at least forty-eight hours. no reading, no writing, no walking around, no nothing. you will be sleeping and resting, do you hear me?” 

“yes, doctor,” logan mutters. remy cleans the cut and rewraps the bandage. “do i have to stay here?” 

“i suppose you can go back to your own bedroom, prince logan.” 

“i’ll go with you,” virgil says immediately. “i’ll - i can sit with you, and i’ll - i can read to you, if you want.”

“would you do that for me?” logan asks. “i - i think i would like that very much, virgil.” virgil smiles, cheeks faint pink, and patton smiles, too. it’s become clear to him that while virgil and logan are less physically affectionate than he and roman are, they’re no less loving. 

“prince roman?” 

there’s a guard in the doorway. “your highness, the knights are ready to depart. will you be joining them?” 

roman nods. “yes, yes of course. they need me. tell them i’ll be down shortly.”

“of course, sir.” 

the guard leaves, and roman turns to patton. “i’ll be back in a few days, my darling. i promise.”

“i believe you,” patton says, pushing up to press a gentle kiss to roman’s mouth. roman smiles and kisses him again, bending him backwards just slightly with a hand on the small of his back. “be safe, roman.” 

“i will, patton.” 

*~*~*~*~*

when logan finally heads back to his bedroom, virgil helps him. he carefully wraps an arm around logan’s waist, and logan drapes an arm over his shoulders. they walk slowly through the castle, logan murmuring directions as they turn through the halls. 

“i’m glad you’re not dead,” virgil says, pushing open the huge door that leads to logan’s bedroom. 

“yeah?” 

“of course i am! you - you’re one of the nicest people i’ve ever met, and - and you’re really funny, even though you’re not super obvious about it like pat and his puns, and - and you’re so smart, really, it scares me how smart you are sometimes and - and i just - i just really, really like you, logan.”

“i really, really like you too, virgil,” the prince says. he smiles fondly, and virgil feels his entire heart explode from joy. he carefully helps logan sit on the bed before rummaging around for the pajamas he’d borrowed from logan that first night. 

“here, you - can you get changed yourself?” 

“i think so,” he says. virgil puts his glasses on the night table and very deliberately does not stare at logan’s pale skin as he gets changed. “you can look now,” logan calls, sounding amused, and virgil is certain that he’s scarlet as he turns around. 

in so doing, however, he manages to catch a glimpse of logan’s pale collarbone as he slowly finishes buttoning up his shirt, and he almost passes out himself. logan smiles at him, slow and sweet, eyes just a little hazy from his head wound, and virgil clears his head. 

“my - my book, it’s over on the armchair.”

“i thought the doctor said you were supposed to be resting, lo?”

“he did, but - but you said you were gonna read to me, didn’t you?”

“oh! right, yeah, i - i did say that.” 

virgil grabs the thick, heavy book and heaves it onto the bed. logan pulls at the covers, and virgil carefully takes them from him. “what are you doing?” 

“i - uh - i’m tucking you in. if - if you want, that is.” 

logan blushes. “i . . . would like that, yes.” 

logan crawls into bed, positioning himself against the mountains of fluffy pillows as virgil tugs the feather-filled quilt and knit blankets up around him. “you’ll be alright, logan.”

“i know,” logan smiles. “oh - virgil?”

“yeah?”

“i - i don’t think i ever said this, so - so thank you.” 

“for what?”

“i understand that you were the one who saved my life.” 

virgil feels the blush return full force. “i - it was my pleasure, lo, really, i - i couldn’t just - i couldn’t let you die.” 

“and you didn’t. i’m still here, thanks to you.” 

virgil looks at the window, because he knows that if he spends a millisecond more looking at the earnest gratitude and care on logan’s face he’ll start crying. “that’s - y-you’re welcome, logan. really.”

“i think i’d like to take a nap now,” logan says. virgil looks at him. 

“lo?”

“yes?”

“can i - no, nevermind, it’s stupid.”

“virgil.” logan reaches out and takes his hand between both of his, squeezing it gently. “nothing that you need is stupid.”

“i didn’t need it, though, i - i just wanted -”

“and your wants are not stupid, either. you have had a hard life, but no more. if there is anything i can do to make your life easier, anything that i can give you or get for you, then i will. you are not an imposition on me. tell me, what was it?” 

“i - i just . . . wanted . . . to know if i could - if i could give you a goodnight kiss,” virgil mumbles. logan stares at him for a moment before breaking into a large, dopey smile. 

“oh, virgil. you never have to ask about something like that. of course you can kiss me goodnight.” 

virgil carefully brings his hands up to cup logan’s face. “i . . . i really, really like you, logan.”

“and i really, really like you,” logan says, amused. 

“i don’t - i can’t say i love you, yet, because i’ve only known you a little bit, but - but i think - i really think i could love you, logan. i really think i will love you. so - so all i can say right now is that i really, really like you, and hope that’s enough.”

“it is more than enough,” logan says, voice soft and sincere. “you are more than enough.”

virgil leans in to kiss him, and then he kisses him again, and again and again and again. 

logan doesn’t get to sleep for quite some time. 

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[jamlally]

Reindeer Games

This was written for the 25 days of Christmas Challenge that is hosted by  @panicfob .  The Day 15 Challenge prompt was Reindeer

Warnings: Fluff

Pairing: Tony Stark x OFC (Belle Porter), Loki

Summary: It can’t be Christmas without a Reindeer

The darkly handsome man that strode across the room had SHIELD Agents scrambling, had Nick Fury pilling a side arm that she hadn’t seen, and had Tony absolutely furious

“You think that I came here for this ….” The way he looked around was somewhat disdainful “party of yours.  You think too highly of yourself Stark, on Asguard this party would be put to shame.  A mere Childs entertainment, nothing more”. 

“Well don’t let me the one to stop you leaving” Tony was tense in a way Belle hadn’t seen before and looking around the room, it seemed that everyone else was as well.  It was he thought, understandable as where ever this man went trouble seemed to follow in his footsteps

“Ah the man out of time and his one armed friend.  I’’m afraid that I have no desire to stand too close you just now”. 

In just seconds Belle watched as Steve and Bucky tried to approach fro behind Loki, only to have the god of mischief simply disappear - the slight breeze by her shoulder gave her a moments pause before she pivoted slowly on her heel

“But this morsel is far more to my taste.  You even dressed her in my colors, a gift perhaps?”

“Move away NOW!” Tony’s voice left no room for debate “FRIDAY initiate lockdown”

Things were starting to spiral out of control but Belle didn’t move, there was something about the way the Asguardian looked at her that reminded her of a snake looking for dinner. He sotted there looking all pretty and relaxed, one elbow on the bar, but his eyes were fixed on her in such a way that she had the feeling that one wrong move and he would strike. Squaring her shoulders she gave the man a small tense smile

“I’m afraid that any matching in our outfits tonight is simply a coincidence, but seeing as you are here can I get you a drink Mr Odinson?”

“It’s Laufeyson actually”

“Ah my apologies Mr Laufeyson.  So a drink?” Belle may not have met the man before but she had read all about him in the files they held.  The one thing she had been able to pull from the files was that he didn’t respond well to aggression 

“Hmm that may help pass the time, why don’t you choose something Miss…” He smiled showing slightly too many teeth 

“It’s Agent actually - Agent Porter” Belle looked over at the bar tender “Please get Mr Laufeyson a glass of the best Scotch we have”  She heard Tony scoff a little but didn’t turn around - her brain was very clear that you didn’t turn your back on the predator in the room 

“Oh how disappointing you’re an Agent.  I didn’t know that they came as pretty as you.  You really waste your time with these people.  Someone as pretty as you could happily wait on Kings in Asguards halls”

Belle let out a snort “I think that I will need to pass, as much fun as I am sure it is to wait on Kings I’d much rather spend my time telling Hero’s what to do”

Her response had Loki raising an eyebrow and she was fairy sure she heard Natasha snort.  

“Now” she slid the drink over that the bartender had pushed her way “As much as we appreciate the dramatic entrance care to share with the class why you’re here?”

Loki sipped at the drink before taking a larger swallow and gesturing for more “I need to speak with my brother, and for some god awful Eason that only he understands he will insist on coming here and socializing with you mortals”. The disdaining tone was back “He goes ff galavanting promising wonderful new things to celebrate the Yule but thus far he has shown us nothing! “

“You know we have phones you could just have called “ Tony snarked at the God as he wrapped his arm around Belle’s waist,  He wasn’t happy that she stood so close to the lunatic 

“We don’t have such a reliance on your frail human technology in our halls.  Thor should be with his people ensuring the we can have a fruitful spring, not galavanting around with all this sparkle.  I don’t even understand what the sparkle is, but it seems to get on everything “  his nose wrinkled and Belle gave a small giggle before resting her hand on Tony’s forearm

“The glitter can be a little frustrating but it does make things shine so beautifully and I think sometimes that we like it because in the dark of the winter, when everything is fallow we look for something to bring us light”

Loki snorted “There is much to be afraid of in the dark, but darkness comes no matter the season Agent Porter.  Tricking yourself into believing that the darkness isn’t there doesn’t keep bad things away” he was, she thought, sounding melancholy “You are all so far removed from how life was you forget that the cold is needed to allow the earth time to heal from all it gave over the rest of the year to sustain you, to fill your bellies and give fuel for your fires”

Belle watched as Loki peered into his glass lost in what ever thoughts he had.

“So you celebrate Yule on Asguard then?”

“What, oh yes, there are many grand parties and we give thanks for the good year we have had.  It os a very grand thing,  We celebrate the season of the land being fallow as it builds its energy.  Usually the King would lead the celebrations but he is” Loki gestured widely with is arms “No where to be found, and that is somewhat problematic”

“What’s the  matter, not man enough to manage without your brother” Fury was obviously pissed off but antagonizing a God seemed like a bad idea 

“Don’t show your lack of vision so readily Director” Loki’s tone was scathing “My brother took on the mantle of King and as such he has duties to perform.  I would more than happily taken on the role but it was not mine to have, that has been made more than clear. That is not actually of import.  The start of the Yule celebrations requires my brother to be there to symbolize the spark of life that comes after Yule when the land starts to come back to life.  He is the only one who can perform the task and yet he isn’t there and the people become restless”

“Forgive me Mr Laufeyson but why does Thor need to be there for that?  He is the god of Thunder…. Oh is it because the lightening is the spark?”

Loki laughed “Close but not quite.  Yes my brother is God of Thunder but that is not his only title - of course he doesn’t like to shout so much about the other one.  My dear brother is also a god of fertility and the strike he brings down brings with it the power for a bountiful year.”

Belle heard the snickers of the others and felt Tony smile his lips hidden against her neck

“Ah I understand.  It makes sense then that you would be brothers, two sides of the same coin”

“I am nothing like my brother Agent Porter”

“Maybe not identical but without the pair of you there wouldn’t be life.  You are the winters bite and he is the first flash of life”

The hairs on the back of her neck rose as Loki brought all of his attention to her.  His eyes were dark and calculating and it seemed that he was assessing her in a new light

“Release the woman Stark.  If I wanted to take her from you I would have done so already.  Agent Porter come and share a drink with me.  Stark see if you can find my brother” 

Belle turned and kissed Tony gently leaning in to speak softly in his ear “It’s fine Tony, I will stay here - you see if FRIDAY can track down Thor”

She moved to take the seat next to Loki “Can you please refill Mr Laufeyson’s glass and I’ll have a Peppermint White Russian, thank you” She turned to Loki “So tell me more about your Yule celebrations”

Loki flirted and laughed with Belle and Tony felt his frustration rise.  The Asguardian was a perennial pain in his ass and now here he was ruining his plans for the night.  

“Care to tell me what the hell is happening “ Fury glared through his one eye at Tony

“Well right now Im trying to track down a large muscled God so that he can take his pain in the ass younger brother home because it turns out the God of Thunder is also the god of babies, who knew, and to add to the joy he’s currently drinking my best scotch with my girl.  Merry fucking Christmas to me.  Now I am pretty sure you don’t know where Thor is, so why don’t you let me get on with my work while you make sure that your Agents don’t do something stupid that results in people getting hurt”

“Agent Porter isn’t cleared for dealing with threats of Loki’s level”

Tony rolled his eyes in annoyance “Yet here she is dealing with precisely that threat.  She deals with God’s, Super soldiers, Spy’s and  my ass on a daily basis.  Reindeer games doesn’t stand a chance now if we’re done …” Tony walked away “FRIDAY, have the Hawk keep an eye on Fury - I don’t want him causing issues “

Loki was actually a lot of fun to hang out with.  Belle made sure to keep the drink following for him, while nursing along her own.  The Asguardian was in the middle of telling her a story about  the time he had changed into a snake to scare his brother when another booming voice broke the tense peace.

“Brother! What brings you here?  Is all well at home?”

Loki rolled his eyes before leading closer to Belle “The man has never  been capable of entering a room without making a fuss”. 

Belle laughed, It was true you always knew when Thor was in a room 

“Things progress as planned, but our people grow nervous that their King is not present.  They fear that the Yule rights will not be completed”

“Ah brother they worry for no reason.  I have learnt many things while here.  I have skated on blades and have partaken in many of the festive activities.  My Lady Belle, I thank you for keeping my brother company” Thor reached out and lifted Belle’s hand to his mouth for a kiss

“Of course Thor is was my pleasure.  Mr Laufeyson, thank you for your company”. She nodded to the Gods as she stood. 

Loki rose to his feet, copying his brother and kissing the back of her hand “Agent Porter, it was a pleasure.  Perhaps we will talk again in the future”

“That seems unlikely Reindeer Games. Thor - if you could make sure your brother gets home safely.  Agent Porter and I have things to be getting with”. Tony took Belle’s hand and lead her away 

“Well that was an unexpected turn of events.  Tell me what did you spend nearly 2 hours talking to the God of mischief about?”

“I’d like to know the answer to that too” Fury broke in heading over to the couple 

“We spoke about the traditions on Asguard and Loki told me stories from when he and Thor grew up.  It was actually very entertaining, you know I think he was lonely”

“Lonely?” Fury scoffed at the idea

“Yes lonely.  He feels out of place and when his brother isn’t there I think as much as they don’t get on he misses him.  If he meant to cause trouble then he could have done so without any problem.  He didn’t through - he just wanted to talk and spend time with someone”

Tony looked back at the brothers who both seemed pleased to be with each other.  Maybe Belle was right.  He knew that at his lowest people would have called him an asshole and he would have deserved it, was Loki in the same boat.

“Well I suppose it wouldn’t be Christmas without reindeer, now you and I have a plan to enact my lady and I think you’ve had your drink so now we can move onto other things”

Belle laughed, head thrown back as Tony pulled her from the room.

[ser-rctslcyer]

Better hold on tight cause here I go rambling hard:

"Fan? Like a regular fan? Psh, nah, I am your biggest mega-fan in the history of fans. Ever." Your finger is back, this time punctuating your words with an almost rough poke into his chest with every one. You tilt your head back to the quickly darkening sky, yelling out into the open air. "I am officially with the band."

A loud laugh shakes its way free from Eddie’s chest, hands on his knees as he doubles over to keep standing with the force of it. It’s a ground-shaking thunder kind of laugh and warm pride blooms in your chest at the sight of him. Eddie straightens up finally, pulling the lapels of his leather jacket that rests over your shoulders until you’re pressed into his chest and he can wrap his arms around you.

I am dying inside with how fucking cute this all is-- just chilling with Eddie before his concert is something that could be so personal to me.  Like all the cuteness in these first several paragraphs is just immaculate. Just the two of you being so relaxed and deeply caring of one another is so freaking sweet to read!!!

He pulls away to give you a once over, wearing his jacket and matching eyeliner that you’d insisted on doing for the both of you. You even have one of his rings hanging from a chain around your neck, along with the silver copy of his house key he’d given you. He’s content to live in this ocean you’ve built around him, every look at you raising the sea level until one day he’s sure it will finally drag him down for good

MATCHING EYELINER!!! MATCHING EYELINER!!! EZRA ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME BRO!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO MUDER ME!!! NOT ONLY AM I WEARING MATCHING EYELINER WITH HIM, I HAVE ONE OF HIS RINGS ON A NECKLACE AROUND MY NECK!!! IM IN HIS JACKET TOO!!!  AAAAAAAAAAA I CAN TOTALLY SEE EDDIE SHARING ANY BIT OF CLOTHING WITH YOU CAUSE HE’S JUST A PUPPY!!! LIKE YEAH HE LOVES SEEING YOU IN HIS CLOTHES (besides the horny reasons) BUT ALSO IT MAKES HE FEEL REALLY FUCKING GOOD!!! LIKE IT PROBABLY GIVES HIM MAYBE A DOMESTIC SORTA FEEL AND HES OF COURSE HES LIKE “my favorite person, in my favorite clothes” AND HE JUST MELTS!!! IT MAKES HIM EXCITED AND HES THE HAPPIEST BEAN SEEING YOU IN THEM!!!!

“This last one I wrote a couple months ago, Sleeping Siren.” 

Thought you could get me buddy but here I am overanalyzing... again. I absolute adore you coming up with this song title, as it captures everything about this fic. We all know the story of sirens, how they sing to lure their prey in-- similar to how Eddie has fallen for the reader who keeps falling asleep at his trailer. Every moment he gets to spend with them in his trailer, sleeping, he falls harder and harder; slipping deeper in love and voicing it through his actions mainly. And yet also, reader falls harder for Eddie because he is kind and understanding-- he doesn’t push them away, inviting them to also fall in love. I think either way, the siren analogy works for both of them because they draw each other in, mutually. 

In conclusion: this is on brand as fuck for eddie and i love that you included this. 

“Then go to sleep sweetheart, I’ll wake you up when we get home.” Home. It sounds so lovely when he says it like that. His home, your home, they have started to become synonymous. The sentiment is cozy enough to send you spiraling further into your tiredness, eyes closed as you drift off in the calm quiet of his van. Eddie keeps his promise, letting you sleep until you both get home and holding your hand the entire drive.

WHEN. WE. GET. HOME.  THIS LAST PARAGRAPH HAS MADE ME LOSE MY FUCKING MIND AAAAA LIKE TRULY THE TRAILER IS THEIR HOME AND ITS THEIR SPOT TO JUST BE FREE AND NOT WORRIED ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE OUTSIDE!!! ITS THEIR PLACE TO JUST BE THEM AND BE HAPPY AND I LOVE IT!!!!

This series has definitely been a big ultra feel good mood and I love it. The way Eddie and Reader interact makes me so damn happy!!!! I am excited to see the conclusion of this series because I know it’s about to be the cutest thing ever!!!

not if it's you || part five

eddie munson x gender neutral reader

summary: eddie takes you to one of his bands shows

words: 1.4k

warnings: mentions of alcohol and being in a bar, no gendered pronouns or description

ao3 link

series masterlist

gif credit: @stevesbipanic

this is our last reader falls asleep first in this 5 + 1 so without further ado

"Did you know," you wave your finger into his face to help make your point as he moves around you to load his gear into the back of his van. "That you are my all-time best friend and favorite person all wrapped up into one?"

You bounce back and forth on the snow covered ground beside him in excitement, which was apparently your new state of being since he had first invited you to his show late last week. Laying in his bed passing a joint back and forth, his hands had lingered on yours as he asked. The early morning sun glowing through the windows and onto your faces, lighting up the ever present twinkle in his eyes. He still remembers the way your face had lit up, your mouth dropping open and the excruciatingly cute way you’d gasped and said ‘Me?’ as if he could be talking to anyone else.

"I had an idea, but it's always nice to know a man's got fans." Eddie lifts his amp up, shoving it into the back of his van and turning to grab his guitar from where the case hangs off your shoulder. He finishes loading his gear, leaning over to strap it all in before turning back to see you. 

"Fan? Like a regular fan? Psh, nah, I am your biggest mega-fan in the history of fans. Ever." Your finger is back, this time punctuating your words with an almost rough poke into his chest with every one. You tilt your head back to the quickly darkening sky, yelling out into the open air. "I am officially with the band."

A loud laugh shakes its way free from Eddie’s chest, hands on his knees as he doubles over to keep standing with the force of it. It’s a ground-shaking thunder kind of laugh and warm pride blooms in your chest at the sight of him. Eddie straightens up finally, pulling the lapels of his leather jacket that rests over your shoulders until you’re pressed into his chest and he can wrap his arms around you. 

“Well mega-fan, I hope you're ready to do some mega-cheering and throw your imaginary mega-bra onto the stage.” He breathes the words into your hair, squeezing you tightly when your own arms wrap around his middle to keep him from pulling back too soon.

“Shit, I think I packed my imaginary mega-bra in my other jacket,” your words are muffled in his shirt, breathing in the scent of his cologne and the weed smell that never really goes away. Eddie laughs again, leaning his head down and squeezing you one more time before letting you go. 

He pulls away to give you a once over, wearing his jacket and matching eyeliner that you’d insisted on doing for the both of you. You even have one of his rings hanging from a chain around your neck, along with the silver copy of his house key he’d given you. He’s content to live in this ocean you’ve built around him, every look at you raising the sea level until one day he’s sure it will finally drag him down for good. 

Eddie grabs your door for you with a bow, hand sweeping out in the gesture. He passes a small box of tapes into your lap with a crooked grin. “You’re my best friend too, so I’ll even let you pick the music.”

His long fingers drum against the wheel as he drives, bobbing his head to the music. After a few songs you start to see along under your breath and Eddie turns, reaching out to grab your hand and loudly sing into it like it’s a microphone. It’s a long drive to the venue, even without stopping to pick up his bandmates for once you’re both in the car for over an hour listening to music with the windows down, screaming the lyrics while Eddie smoked. 

All your energy morphs into pre-concert jitters as you watch Eddie and his bandmates set the stage, the lights are all low except for the reds and blues that paint the stage. Eddie looks ethereal under them when he turns to glance at you, sending a grin across the stage to where you’re standing. A shiver runs down your spine that you’re pretty sure you aren’t able to blame on the alcohol in your cup, or the chill of the ice that runs condensation down the side. It’s all him, glowing in the lights and his smile. 

The general chatter of the room lulls as Eddie steps up to the mic, he brushes some of his hair out of his face and opens his mouth to speak. All of your nerves jump into your throat and for a moment you forget to breathe. Too caught up in Eddie to do anything but watch on in awe. 

“Thanks for coming out tonight. We are Corroded Coffin. We’ve got a bit of a special show tonight, our biggest mega-fan out in the crowd tonight, so this is for them.” Eddie locks eyes with you, throwing a wink in your direction before stepping back and playing his first chord. The sudden heat in your cheeks and the way your heart beats into your ribs are yet even more things that can’t be blamed on anything other than Eddie Munson. 

The concert blurs together, song after amazing song, Eddie’s playful grin and screaming the only real thing you remember by the end of the night. You were able to pick out a few songs from ones he’s played you in the past, even more ones that you’ve overheard him humming to himself or practicing in his room. And then there was one; completely new and entirely your favorite. Eddie had stepped back up, cheeks flushed and skin shining. His voice was low when he spoke.

“This last one I wrote a couple months ago, Sleeping Siren.” 

Eddie had looked everywhere but at you, but the implication was clear. It felt like the whole world had faded away, no longer in a sweaty seedy bar, no longer in a crowd; just you and him as he sang a song he had written for you. 

You’re not sure you’ve ever cheered louder, voice raspy in the aftermath despite the water bottle Eddie pushes into your hand once he hears you.

“That. Was. Amazing.” Your hands grab onto Eddie’s shoulders, yanking him into you. He’s covered in sweat, having discarded his vest halfway through the show when it got too hot with all of the packed bodies in the bar. “Color me impressed Munson.”

“I expect nothing less of a mega-fan,” Eddie laughs, arms wrapping around your waist. He tucks his nose into its usual spot in your hair, leaning further down until he can rest his entire face in the crook of your shoulder. 

You help him and his bandmates take down the set, sluggish as the late hour starts to catch up to you. Eddie bids his friends goodnight with a wave, arm slung around you as you both walk out into the cool night. There’s still a blanket of snow on almost everything you can see, less so now that it all has started to melt, spring slowly blooming all around you. 

The drive home is more muted, passing under streetlights every few hundred feet as you stare at Eddie. His face lights up under every one, his eyes focused on the road in front of him, sneaking glances at you when you aren’t looking. You’re filled with so much gratitude that he shared this with you, invited you to see this part of him. 

“So, did you have fun?” He finally asks twenty minutes into the ride. 

You hum thoughtfully, kicking your feet onto his dashboard and leaning back. You cover your mouth as you yawn before answering. “Yeah, Eddie that was fucking insane.”

Eddie turns to look at you again, catching the way your eyelids have already started to droop. You had mentioned not getting good sleep the night before– it being one of those nights that you actually spent at your own home. Though those seem to happen less and less as time goes on. 

“Tired sweetheart?” Eddie coos, one hand reaching out to grab onto yours. He pulls your hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles. Even half asleep your stomach swoops out from under you. You yawn again, this time even bigger and squeeze his hand. 

“Yeah, ‘m sleepy.” 

“Then go to sleep sweetheart, I’ll wake you up when we get home.”  Home. It sounds so lovely when he says it like that. His home, your home, they have started to become synonymous. The sentiment is cozy enough to send you spiraling further into your tiredness, eyes closed as you drift off in the calm quiet of his van. Eddie keeps his promise, letting you sleep until you both get home and holding your hand the entire drive.

-

i will be reblogging fics and writing onto @h-llfirelibrary so you can turn on post notifs for there to know when i'm posting!!

[train-whistles-at-night]

Okay so this is 3 drabbles in one post and they’re not in any sort of specific order aside from when I wrote them

-

“Come on,” Chartreuse says, patting her back, “go pick out a snack.” And he huffs out a laugh. Hope was certainly Different. So she wanders off, padding her way down the grocery aisles, seeing if there’s anything she wants. Chartreuse smiles, and turns to Aden. “She’s a good kid.” He says without thinking. Aden smiles. “Don’t I know it.. She’s a wonderful kid. Do you get her snacks often?” Chartreuse shrugs, grins. “Not often, just sometimes, when I’ve got the extra change in my wallet.” Aden nods, brushes a loose lock of hair back behind his ear. “Her hair looks better than it has in.. Well.. A while, to be quite honest. I’ve only ever seen it brushed a few times.” “Yeah?” “Mhm, and usually that was picture day. She’s brush it down but her face was always a little redder than it should have been..” “Oh..?” Aden frowns, brows furrowing. “Yeah.. Her parents aren’t.. Wonderful. She’d argue with them, especially her mother, a lot and it usually led to her crying on the way to school.” He huffs, clearly displeased. It was obvious Aden did not care much for Hope’s parents. “They’d.. Argue?” Chartreuse gently treads on the subject, realizing suddenly that he really.. Doesn’t know much of anything about Hope’s parents or her life before she moved except that she got expelled for fighting. Aden sighs. “Yeah, they’d argue a lot. ‘Bout just about anything, really. Whether Hope should brush her hair, whether to clean her room and what was for dinner and.. other things. And I know that don’t sound like much but, I’ve spoken with Hope’s parents and her mother has a bad habit of shutting you down and not letting you finish, assuming right away everything is some sort of personal attack against her.” He balled up his hands into fists and shoved them into his coat pockets. He sighs. “Point is, her mother made her upset a lot, especially about brushing her hair. She used to not brush it because of depression and just.. Not having the energy for it. And I think that’s still a big part of it, but I think there’s a part now where she doesn’t do it because of spite to her mother.” He looks up, seeing if Hope is coming yet. She’s still looking at some snacks, trying to decide between some things. “Im not fond of Hope’s mother, to say the least. Considering her, I’m.. I’m surprised Hope turned out as good as she did.. She really did turn out to be a wonderful kid.” He’s relaxed again. Voice soft again, not sharp and hard like when he was talking about her mother. Chartreuse nods, smiles in a somewhat sad way. He can’t help but feel bad for Hope.. He glances up and looks at her still trying to decide between two small snacks and smiles. “HOPE!” He calls and she looks up. He grins. “Can’t decide?” She shakes her head. “You want me to just get ya both?” He asks and she gives a shy smile and nods. He nods and waves her over to them. She happily grabs the snacks and almost prances back over to them. Chartreuse and Aden both smile when she’s back, and she laughs. “Whaaat?” She says. Aden shakes his head. “Nothin’, sweetheart. You just look happy, it’s good.” Chartreuse nods and Hope gives another shy smile. They walk to the checkout, Hope puts her things on the counter and stands back, holding onto Aden’s coat sleeve while Chartreuse pays. When she’s given her bag of things, she whispers a thank you to Chartreuse and he tells her it’s no problem, never has been, never will be.

-

Things had a system- They went a certain way and did not change once the rules were in place. Classes went as such: 1: Math (Geometry, specifically, with Andrew) 2: Science 3: Study Hall in the library 4: U.S. History 5: Art 6: Pre AP lit. With Mr. Kent (AKA the best class of the day) Boxing also had rules and regulations that you followed to an arguable T. Hands get bandaged, if you have long hair you put it up, put on gloves, listen to instructors, give it your all. Libraries do too, books get sorted by the genre, then authors. Sometimes titles. Even mental breakdowns have their own sort of chaotic order. Always starts with a thought that spirals out of control like a whirlwind hurricane. Scatters all over itself like a knocked over Jenga tower that leaves you tired and exhausted after picking up the pieces. Hope likes order, likes patterns and order and regulation and things going as planned. Moving all of a sudden because she couldn’t keep herself in check, was not orderly or a pattern. That was bad. Mental breakdowns where she couldn’t think straight and chopped off most her hair were not orderly. Also bad. Losing fights because of numerous reasons but mainly because she did not have order (or confidence) or her brain was too scattered. Also, also bad. But witnessing an out of nowhere proposal with people very near and dear to her? Good. Not planned, or at least, Hope hadn’t known the plan. But still good. And hearing them answer yes to the proposal? Really good.

-

He gets her up, begins to carry her off with him back to the car, humming a nonsensical tune as he did so. “They’re nice,,” she mumbles against his shoulder, voice slow and drawling, sleepy. He hums a questioning note, making her continue. “Your family. Your brother and sisters and mom and dad. They’re nice. They fit you..” He smiles. “Fit me?” He shifts her, holding her more securely. “Yeah, fit you,,” “Like a glove?” He jokes. Hope shook her head. “Naw, more- more like an old jacket. And-a And when you first got it, it was kinda too big, but now you’re bigger and grown, so it fits just right and you don’t gotta worry none 'bout getting too big for it or nothin’.. And its all warm and comfy and it’s got a bunch of little things in the pockets. They fit you like a jacket like that. Like the one you put on when you wanna feel like everything’s gonna be okay again..” She’s quiet for a moment, then shuffles her head, pushing her face into his shoulder again, muffling herself. “That probably didn’t make sense, ’m sorry..” He pets her hair as he carries her, soothing her. “Nah, sweetpea, I think that made sense just fine. Now get some rest, we’ll be home before you know it..”

[marinette-sky]

Cigarettes and Leather Ch. 4

Long time no see!! (Again)

School got crazy and im stressed to the Max atm. But I really wanted to finish this chapter before AP Exams sooo

;;;;;)

Anyways, Ladybug and Chat Noir finally make their appearance! Along with some other things, but you'll see later...

(also, if you're confused on some of the stuff in the chapter that has to do with the french school system, just see the end notes)

Summary: Chat Noir is adorable, and Ladybug more then agrees (and so does Marinette).  

Word Count: 4,000+ 

A week had gone by since Marinette had (albeit strangely) resolved to become friends with Adrien-freaking-Agreste.

A week had gone by since Marinette had (albeit strangely) resolved to become friends with Adrien-freaking-Agreste.

A whole week.

A week.

Only a week.

Ladybug paced back and forth on the gravel roof she occupied, hands clasped behind her back out of habit. Below her, cars honked, lights blurred, and soft music of all sorts overlaid the pressing silence in her conscience as she contemplated events from the past few days.

Life had been almost the same, except Adrien and she had been hanging around each other more often than all four of their years in college combined. For one, his presence had frequented their homeroom almost every day that week, including early morning roll-call (which he never used to attend). He had stopped sitting in the back, instead opting to sit in the front with Nino, even if all they did was mess around and get scolded by Mrs. Bustier (Alya griped that her boyfriend was being wooed away by Adrien more and more). He was even seen around the courtyard by many people during their lunch period, even though it was resoundingly known that he smoked cigarettes behind the school wall where the cameras couldn’t catch him during that time frame.

It would good to mention the eye contact they made throughout all this was embarrassingly excessive, as they were constantly stealing glances at each other in plain sight.

It would also be good to mention that the glances increased in number when they were alone together in detention.

And the blushing, a voice in her head chimed unhelpfully, lots of blushing!

Ladybug groaned out loud, practically stomping in place to expel the thought from her mind.

God, spare me from these weird emotions!

In the span of seven days, the relationship she had with Adrien had been accelerating at a fast rate, as well as the way she felt about him. She knew she needed to take their friendship at a slower pace, but chatting with him had recently become her favorite pastime. Adrien had a lot of hidden qualities she didn’t know about until now, and every interaction brought a new surprise for her to take delight in.

Except…

She still has yet to see that soft side of him she saw on the steps of their school, with his sunny smile and soft pink cheeks.

Of course, even with all his personality traits he had been hiding from her now up in the air, Adrien was still the flirtatious rebel who wore leather and cussed far more than a person who smoked three times a day should; his temper was still intact too, in addition to his show-off attitude. It is unfair to expect him to warm up to her enough to show her such a reserved part of him in the short time they’ve been getting to know each other; just as she had certain things she uncomfortable with opening up to him about, it was vice-versa for Adrien (she suspected).

Even so…

If it took as long as their last day on campus, Marinette was determined to coax that shining part of him from beneath all the storm clouds and smog. She didn’t know why, but that brief, brief interaction with the other Adrien felt so familiar and tangible, like she was looking at her favorite design or talking with Chat Noir.

At least, that’s how she felt but maybe she was mistaking the feeling for something it wasn’t.

It would just be nice to see Adrien relax and enjoy everyone’s company, because he is definitely on most of the class’s shit list as of late.

Then again, when is he not?

God, I should stop thinking about this now.

Ladybug stopped walking to look up at the night sky, pleased to find the stars winking down in greeting. She let her gaze wander from the stars to the streets, allowing her eyelids to crescent pleasantly. It was a cool, breezy October evening, the perfect weather for that period in the month. This was her absolute favorite time of year to patrol Paris, with the autumn season at its peak and the atmosphere of serenity overlaying their beautiful city (along with the multi-colored leaves!). Everything seemed so connected and harmonious it was hard for Marinette not to escape life for a little while and appreciate her surroundings for what they were worth.

That is, until Tikki scolds me for not doing my homework.

Chuckling at the memory, the female began scanning the Paris scape for a familiar figure, searching for any sign of her partner. Chat Noir always arrived at their meeting spot around this time, but tonight it was apparent he would be late.

As long as he isn’t too late, or else we’ll be out until two in the morning again…

“Ladybug!” A voice from behind shouted, and Marinette smiled.

Speak of the devil.

She turned to address the voice, extending an arm in the air as a hello.

“Chat Noir! Little late, aren’t we?” She teased as the male landed on the roof, earning a shy smile in return.

Cutie.

“I’m sorry, m’lady! I was so busy with my shoot-…I mean my civilian stuff that time just flew by, you know? Haha…” Chat Noir tittered, rubbing the back his neck. Ladybug just shook her head good naturedly and patted his shoulder in reassurance.

“I’m kidding, kitty. You were only a few minutes’ late, not a few hours…unlike last time.” She added, frowning slightly as she recalled a particularly nasty akuma that had cropped up the night that Chat just had to be absent for three hours. By the time he arrived at the scene, Ladybug had successfully stopped the akuma and handed over the victim to the police. He profusely apologized for a good fifteen minutes before Marinette felt bad and forgave him with her kindest smile. He really is too nice for his own good.

“Last time will never happen again, I purr-omise you! Besides, I now have an alarm on my phone that goes off whenever its patrol night!” Chat smiled proudly, revealing pearly white teeth for Ladybug to admire. His cheeks dimpled while a soft blush dusted his slightly-scrunched nose, and Ladybug forgot how to speak for a moment.

How can someone in a leather body suit manage to be so damn adorable?!?! This is unfair!

“R-Really? That’s smart, why haven’t I thought of it before…” She mumbled, looking away to hide her bashful expression. Chat cocked his head to the side in confusion at her reaction, but shrugged it off shortly after.

“Haha, dunno, sounds like a you problem. You know, I’m the brain and you’re the brawn?” Chat joked nudging her with his elbow and grinning like an idiot. Ladybug nudged him right back, adding a little more force to hers. He lost his footing for a split second, arms spiraling to regain balance.

“I’m the brawn alright, kitty.” She remarked, watching the sheepish blush return to his face.

He can be so shy sometimes, I worry.

Chat Noir coughed, shaking the banana locks from that were obscuring his vision out of his face. His emerald stare landed on her again, more serious, which caused butterflies to erupt in her stomach. Although they were surrounded by the jade of his retina, she could tell the shade would be absolutely stunning without the mask.

You can’t have thoughts like this Marinette you know the rules!

“I think we should start our patrol, now, m’lady. You know that I know that we both have homework to get home to before tomorrow.” Chat took on a slightly scolding tone, referencing to the fact that it was a Sunday night and they both procrastinated all weekend.

Well, I did at least, Marinette felt herself grimace as she thought of the tablet full of literature and art history homework waiting on her work desk in her room.

Chat Noir took out his vault, readying it for launch until Ladybug swiftly clasped his tail, causing him to yelp in surprise.

“Not so fast, mister! We need to discuss a little something-something!” Ladybug exclaimed brightly, her homework all but forgotten.

Chat gave her a cautionary glance, looking from the landscape beyond them to her face. He retracted his staff immediately and placed it on his back holster, ears perked in curiosity; his lips curled into a nervous smile.

“What do you mean, m’lady?” He batted his eyelashes out of habit, and Marinette had to hold back a tickled squeal. He was so good looking, even with the mask, it was hard to cope sometimes.

Really hard.

Marinette swallowed, clearing her throat and straightening her posture.

“Your birthday is coming up, right? Next week, I think?” Ladybug asked directly, cheeks reddening ever so subtly.

Chat blinked at her slowly.

“Yeah…next Monday, the 20th . Why do you ask?” He fiddled with his hands, tapping his claws on his wrists.

“Why do I ask? Isn’t it obvious, kitty! We should do something nice, like hang out. Whatever age you’re turning, I’m sure it’s worth celebrating.” Ladybug gave him a mega-watt smile, taking his hands into hers with excitement etched into her body language.

Chat broke into a grin, holding her hands back with more force then necessary. He looked breath taking like that while bathed by the moonlight and stars.

“Wait, really? Are you serious? I’d love to do something with my best friend!” The words ‘best friend’ fractured Ladybug’s heart, but she forced herself to get over it. Not now, dummy.

“That’s good to hear, kitty! We can discuss what the birthday boy agenda is on Tuesday’s patrol, but for now I think we need to start this one.” Marinette giggled happily, tugging her poor fingers from Chat’s iron-like grip. “You know, before we turn into pumpkins.” She winked.

Play it cool, LB, play it cool.

“Awesome! Purr-fect! I think I can manage to wait until Tuesday for this.” Chat once again took out his staff, this time with more finality. “Race you to the first lookout point. Last one there is a ball of yarn.”

Ladybug rolled her eyes at his cheesy parody, slipping her yoyo from her hip and readying the string.

“You’re such a cheese ball, Chat Noir.”

“Don’t you mean hairball?”

“Yeah, yeah, sooo funny. You’re on, kitty!”

They both took off running, and she could hear his laughter over the roar of the wind.

---

By the time Ladybug bid Chat Noir a ‘good night’ and ‘see you on Tuesday, or the next akuma attack’ (whichever comes first), it was already 10:30 PM. Ten minutes later, she had dropped through the trap door above her bed and already wanted to give up all responsibility and go to sleep. Unfortunately, her plan was foiled by Tikki, who was very insistent that Marinette stay up at least an hour and a half more ‘to get as much done as possible’.

‘As much done’ my ass, I’ll get a C on my work either way.

“But Tikki—” Marinette drawled out, already painstakingly making her way down the bed ladder, “My muscles are sore and I’m super tired—!” She made sure to drag out each word to show how unwilling she was to do a two-page report on the blind, French painter Claude Monet.

“I understand, Marinette, but you still need to keep your grades up too! Since we got home late, I can help you out a little.” Tikki patted her cheek sympathetically, and flew to her compartment on Marinette’s desk to fish out a cookie from her designated cookie jar.

The female whined, but nevertheless complied with her kwami’s wishes and dragged her exhausted body to her pink desk chair. Plopping down in a heavy manner on the cushioned seat, Marinette grabbed her touchscreen stylus and booted up her tablet. As soon as she typed in her password, the lass got to work first on her advanced literature homework (they were currently reading Oedipus, and she honestly could not be more disgusted with most of the characters). After scanning and finishing three mind-numbing acts, she began planning out the outline for her report on Claude Monet.

I think my hair is going to fall out at this rate.

Marinette stopped writing to gaze into oblivion at the countless pictures decorating her desk-top surface and wall, opting to tune Tikki’s brief explanation on the history of Monet’s The Japanese Footbridge oil canvas. She had tacked various newspaper clippings of Ladybug and Chat Noir’s accomplishments on the wall next to the computer, each scrap artfully arranged to circle a single framed photo of them.

This is still my favorite picture of Chat and I.

The photo had been taken by Alya, who caught them immediately after an akuma battle that took place in the park near the bakery. It had been a sunny, spring day with only a few clouds to be seen. Ladybug had been in mid-fist bump with Chat Noir when Alya had rushed over and begged for a picture of them in front of the park fountain, in which they agreed.

She made them stand on the edge of the fountain, arms hooked together while their legs were spread apart, like a super hero pose. They were told to smile big for the camera, and Ladybug did until Chat decided to crack a pun at the last second, which sent the two of them into hysterics by the time Alya snapped a shot of them on her phone. With the spray of the water and perfect natural lighting coupled with their genuine grins and stares cast to each other, the picture was perfect.

We hadn’t even been partners for a year, but we were so hopeful and full of laughter.

Those were the simpler days alright.

Marinette’s heart suddenly ached with longing for the past, when she was young and excitable for every akuma thrown at her. She missed getting to know Chat for the first time, and feeling the thrill of a new crush, when it didn’t hurt so much. She missed being chased around by Alya for the Ladyblog, when her bestfriend didn’t have a joint-partnership with the news channel so others could do that job for her.

Everything had changed so much since then, when Marinette was still learning what being Ladybug truly meant.

Now she was almost an adult, with a future to think about and priorities to straighten out.

Life moves on, whether we like it or not.

The sound of a phone chiming interrupted Marinette’s train of thought, subsequently ending her internal freak out for the night.  Tikki, being the saint she was, retrieved it from her school bag and set it down in front of her with an irritated expression.

I bet she knew I stopped listening…

“Who is it?” The kwami asked as Marinette unlocked her phone.

She scanned her notifications, startled to find that she had seven missed calls from Alya from earlier in the evening.

Strange, but it’s too late to call back now.

“I have seven missed calls from Alya, Tikki. I wonder what was so important.” She said feeling little more than perturbed as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“That doesn’t sound good. Was the new message from her, then?”

“No, it’s from-” Marinette began to say, tapping on the conversation.

Adrien: hey u still up?

“-Adrien.” From the corner of her eye, she saw Tikki scowl slightly and cross her tiny arm-like appendages in disfavor.  

“Oh.” The kwami curtly replied, settling on the edge of her shoulder to peer at the tiny screen of the phone. She could feel her judgmental gaze on her hands as Marinette responded to him.

Marinette: Yeah. Currently dying over an art history report atm.

Adrien: o? sucks to be u then lmao I finished all my hw

Marinette: Lucky you. Whats your stream btw?

Adrien: humanities. 4 hrs of French. Lit, then philosophy, English, geo, history, physics

Marinette: Same here, but ik I have lit and philosophy with you. For me, I have English, geo and art history is 2 hours.

Adrien: the fuck??? art history sounds boring asf

Marinette: Look whos talking, you take physics. How will that help you on le bac?

Adrien: stfu kim is in there bc nino and ivan were bastards an didn’t want a maths

Adrien: tho he always talks shit w/ Max so i hve to force myself 2 be interested in physics

Marinette: Whatever you say, nerd.

Adrien: stfu im getting a call so ttyt

Marinette: K bye.

Marinette’s soft smile that had formed when they started texting dissipated into a frown at Adrien’s abrupt exit. She set aside her phone slowly, hoping he would come back again but that was not the case.

Who would be calling him so late at night? Weird…

“He left so quickly even though he was the one that contacted you first, Marinette. Don’t you think that’s rude of him?” Tikki observed, huffing.

Marinette stretched her arms above her head, yawning.

“No, not really. I just think it’s weird that someone would be calling him so late at night. I wonder who it could be.” She stood up as she replied, being especially careful not to make noise with her office chair. Tikki watched her movement, eyes alight with curiosity.

“I see…wait, where are you going? Downstairs?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to get water.” Marinette padded across the room, as quiet as a mouse. Just when she opened her floor hatch an inch, voices from downstairs drifted into her room. Frozen in place, she listened cautiously to see who would be up so late at night (besides her and Tikki, of course).

What the hell?

The quiet buzz of the living room TV and the hushed voices of her parents registered in her brain, and Marinette immediately felt her shoulders relax. They were just watching the news—

Hold on a minute.

The female tensed again, more anxious then before. It was very unlike her parents to stay up so late on a weekday, especially since her father woke up at four every day to ready the bakery for early morning customers. In addition to this, her mother had always come up around ten o’clock to kiss her goodnight, but she had yet to do that. Something on the television was keeping them uncharacteristically occupied, or at least that is what she gathered from the grave mood downstairs.

But, what is it? Mama and Papa only whisper when they’re worried…

Marinette instinctively leaned forward, eager to find out what the newswoman was saying.

“…Gang violence…college student…unusual injury…” Nadja Chamack spoke professionally into what the girl assumed to be a microphone. Tikki landed on her shoulder, also listening closely.

Gang violence? What? It’s too hard to hear!

“Two students…badly hurt…Dupont…” She heard Tikki gasp when Nadja rattled off the names of the incident. Thoroughly perplexed, Marinette edged the door open even more, practically sticking her head down the stairs. Whatever Manon’s mother just said, it was enough to shock her kwami.

Instead of quietly keeping her perch, Tikki flew off her shoulder and pushed her tiny appendages against her cheek.

“Mari, no, don’t listen! It’s not something you want to hear!” She squeaked, and the heroine yelped.

“What do you-ack!”

Naturally, this action backfired and she lost balance of her feet and crashed to the carpet rather loudly while slamming the trapdoor shut.

“Oh, shit! Tikki, hide!” The female whispered frantically, scampering to her bed post and up the ladder. Tikki was close behind.

They both hid under the polka-dotted covers, with the kwami nestled into the crook of her elbow. Somehow, in her scramble and the excitement of that night, Marinette had lost on of her precious pig-tails, and now her frizzy hair was splayed all along the pillow like a raven halo of madness.

Goddammit, I hate when my hair is down! Where did my hair tie go…?

Just then, the door slammed open and Marinette heard the familiar patter of her father’s footsteps, her mother following in suit.

“Marinette, darling? Is something wrong?” Sabine spoke, an unusual edge to her voice.

Stay still, stay still!

Marinette dared not to respond, curling around Tikki to shield her from prying eyes. The bed rattled as the mother climbed up to check on her daughter, every tremor setting the female further on high alert. A thorn of anxiety wedged itself in her heart when she felt a small hand touch her ankle.

Don’t react!

“Sweetheart, is she awake?” Tom asked, walking closer to his wife.

“No, I don’t think so…but if she isn’t awake, then what was that noise?” Her mother worriedly curled her tiny fingers around Marinette’s ankle, and she had to fight from flinching.

“Sabine, I think you’re still on edge from the newscast. I doubt anyone could sneak into our daughter’s room without me hearing them.” Tom said confidently. Marinette smirked to herself, biting down a chuckle.

Oh, papa, if only you knew…

“But still, Tom…it happened those poor boys.” Sabine let go of her ankle and climbed down the ladder again, and Marinette peeked over her covers ever the slightest to look at her parents.

Tom had an arm slung around Sabine’s shoulders in a comforting manner, while Sabine looked deeply distressed.

Her mother pursed her lips.

“Imagine how devastated she’ll be when she finds out tomorrow, Tom. Should we even let her go to school?”

What the hell are they talking about?! I have a bad feeling about all of this.

“Nonsense, dear! Francois Dupont has a strict no strangers’ policy, plus the college is right next to the house. We can watch her go if it will make you feel better, but our little girl can handle her own as you know.” Both parents shared a knowing look and Marinette blushed in embarrassment.

Yeah…they would know after all these years, wouldn’t they?

Sabine nodded in agreement to her husband’s proposal, slipping an arm around his waist.

“I would like that. Now, let’s leave before we actually wake her up.” Marinette ducked hurriedly out of sight when her mother glanced at her bed, praying she didn’t notice her staring.

As soon the trap door shut, and the footsteps of her parents grew further away until the night was silent again, Marinette jerked from her fetal position on the mattress. She stared wide-eyed at Tikki, the both of them attempting to process the confusing information her parents had bestowed upon them by accident.

“Tikki, you don’t think…?” Marinette trailed off, the worst coming to mind.

What if an akuma attack happened without me knowing, and citizens were severely injured?

What if an akuma knocked over the Eiffel Tower and crushed a shopping strip?

What if Hawk Moth himself came out of hiding and is now wreaking havoc on Paris?

What if-

Tikki vigorously shook her head at Marinette’s implication, frowning deeply.

“We would have definitely known if there was an akuma attack, Marinette.” Tikki said bluntly, crossing her arms in a thoughtful manner. “This has to be something else and something very bad.”

Marinette did not miss the note of worry tinging her kwami’s voice, or the nervous twitch of her antenna. Judging by her demeanor, there was another force Tikki seemed to be apprehensive of.

But what?

“Should I transform and sweep the city again? Maybe I’ll find what Mama and Papa were talking about.” The girl questioned, dread pooling in the bottom of her stomach. Butterflies were twisting her insides around, and they felt much worse than the presence of any of Hawk Moth’s creations.

In the distance, the blades of a helicopter could be heard, sending goosebumps to dance along the edges of her spine. Car honked, and music played, but something felt very off about the night now.

Marinette stood up on her bedspread and curled a hand around the trapdoor handle leading to the room’s balcony, hesitant to open it. It was almost eleven o’clock at night, and she had school tomorrow; but, if she didn’t do this now, the anxiety would eat at her until sunrise. Tikki seemed to have sensed her indecision, and came to rest on her shoulder.

“Marinette, you don’t have to do this right now. We have all tomorrow to investigate, and I’m sure whatever happened will be the talk of Paris for a day. Get some rest tonight, and you’ll feel refreshed for tomorrow!” She spoke softly, nuzzling into the female’s cheek in a comforting manner.

Marinette let her hand drop from the door handle, suddenly exhausted.

She’s right. I can’t do much right now if I don’t know anything, especially in the condition I’m in.

She let herself fall back onto the bed once more, turning on her side and dipping her knees onto her abdomen. Faint light from the window below her loft illuminated the dark space of the room, casting flickering shadows on the soft pink walls. The muffled murmur of her monitor and tablet could be heard, filling her ears with a strangely familiar buzz.

It was eerie.

Hopefully the situation won’t escalate to something worse by tomorrow morning…

Happy? Surprised? Intrigued?

Can you guess what happened at the end of the chapter?? (im curious hah)

Also, I'm so happy that a lot of you like the story thus far!! I never expected such an out-pour of support, tbh, but it just really motivates me to write more and get better at my writing style.

Le Bacc** okay so in french education it is basically this big test seniors in high school take at the end of their high school career, where they had previously, for two years, been taking classes that were specifically aimed towards their career path, but they don't call it 'career path' they call it a 'stream' (I.E. students in the literary stream prepare for careers in the humanities such as education, linguistics, and public service. They also have interests in the arts. The most important subjects in the literary stream are Philosophy and French language & literature and other languages, usually English, German and Spanish.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baccalaur%C3%A9at link if you're interested in le bacc :)

[taeyongs-laugh]

Not Close Enough: Too Close Sequel (Angst/Fluff) || Park Jaehyung

Request(s):  OMG, it's perfect! I really like it! This's what I expected ❤ If you have a time can you make a part two? But with fluffy end? I'll be grateful ❤ @jaepark-soul​ ||  PART TWO PLEASE @briannatrbl​ || Too Close jae scenario part 2??? Angst, but a happy ending pleeeaaase. Your killing me😢😢😢 (Anon) || Hiii! I was too affected by your 'too close' scenario of jae, so im here to request if its okay with you to have a second part of that? Like where they make up? ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ (Anon) ||  oh my god, i love 'too close' so much! will you do a part 2 (pls pls pls)? my heart is racing for the couple, omg, love your blog! (Anon) ||

Genre: Angst-ish? I guess kinda in the beginning but there’s fluff this time and also drama because I am T R A S H

Warning: Swearing (can you believe it because I can’t)

Word Count: 1960ish

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who liked the first part of this scenario! I am so grateful for all of you and I hope you enjoy this one just as much, if not more than the last!! Also I altered the prompt a bit to make it a little messier and more dramatic oOPS! ENJOY!

Masterlist

           It had been 3 weeks since your fight with Jae. Therefore, it had also been 3 weeks since you two broke up and you stormed out of your shared apartment. Not seeing him was killing you, although sometimes there was a familiarity to it. It reminded you of a time before you had to stress over someone finding out about your relationship and spreading it to the public, successfully ruining his image and his career. But nonetheless, you felt a dull ache whenever you entertained the thought of his smiling face or his stupid, stupid jokes that never failed to make you laugh.

           You were living with Brian for the time being. You really didn’t have many friends who had their own place, and the ones that did had no clue about you and Jae in the first place, so he was more of a last resort than you wanted to admit. Mainly because he was so close with Jae and you didn’t want to be reminded of him any more than you were on your own just by looking at your camera roll—which you had also done more times than you wanted to admit, and it had gotten to the point where Brian had threatened to take your phone from you altogether.

           Needless to say, the past three weeks had been nothing short of hell. You had no idea where Jae was, what he was doing, who he was with, or how he even felt about the situation. You didn’t bother asking Brian, not wanting to make him feel like you didn’t care about him. Despite the shit that you had been going through, he had made the past 3 weeks more bearable. Talking you through things, comforting you, spending time with you, and overall being your rock. However, Jae was still the one thing plaguing your mind the other 75% of the time.

           You sat on Brian’s couch, tugging at your hair as you struggled to remind yourself for the third time that day that Jae is not your entire life, you can survive without him. Yes, he was your first meaningful relationship and yes, you still love him even though you’re the one who broke things off but you can be a functional human being without him! You felt sick to your stomach, your brain going to the worst possible places, feeling the couch sink next to you as you spiraled out of control. Brian sat down next to you, reassuringly wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you slowly began to look over at him.

           “He didn’t end up going out with Jamie that night, you know,” Brian muttered quietly, looking down at your tired eyes.

           “Really? I figured he’d want to leave the apartment, if not just for a little while,” you replied, equally as quiet as you rested your head on the taller boy’s shoulder, eyelids drooping. There was a slight pause, silence filling the room.

           “He did leave the apartment. Jae came over to the dorms not long after and just sat there with wide eyes, clutching one of your t-shirts for dear life for a while,” he began, relaxing slightly into the couch. “He was really shaken up about the whole thing, I don’t think he could really comprehend what had just gone down between you two. It took about 15 minutes before we could get him to talk to any of us. After he explained what had happened between you two, he asked if he could move back into the dorms. Jae was almost positive he couldn’t get out of the lease and didn’t want to just leave you to pay the rent on your own, but he just couldn’t stand being there without you. We let him stay at the dorms for a few days but thankfully managed to convince him to stay in your guys’ apartment.” Your eyes immediately widened at the new information; you couldn’t even fathom how this felt for him. It was a bit of a shock to learn that he cared so much, and you began to wonder if calling it quits was really the right decision.

           “Why’d you wait so long to tell me this?” you asked, knitting your eyebrows together. Brian sighed, tensing up slightly as he opened his mouth to speak.

           “Part of me wanted you two to get over each other, which was incredibly selfish on my end. I really care about you and I didn’t want you to just go running back to him blindly, especially after all the shit he put you through,” he replied, timidly. “But another part of me wanted to wait until you were ready to hear it. If I would’ve told you all this the next day when you were standing at my door, sobbing over how stupid you thought you were and how you had made the biggest mistake of your life, you wouldn’t have realized that you were right about everything you told him and that you deserve to be treated better. If you’d have just run back to Jae two days after your split, he would have just continued to neglect you and I couldn’t stand to see that happen, let alone be a part of it because I--” Brian cut himself off, inhaling sharply as you lifted your head off his shoulder.

           “What I’m trying to get at is, Jae misses you like crazy Y/N. He can’t continue like this without at least talking to you about what went wrong,” he explained. “I’m definitely not asking you to forgive him, I’m just asking you to talk to him. Whether you give him a second chance is totally up to you, Y/N.” Brian gently grabbed your hand, weaving his fingers between yours.

           “Why did you want to wait for Jae and I to get over each other?” you asked, your gaze glued to the floor. Brian let go of your hand, exhaling loudly. You could practically feel his heart beating out of his chest.

           “I—it’s because I’m in love with you. I really, truly am Y/N. But I realize that it’s not fair to you or to Jae for me to be selfish or act on it, especially right now,” he began. “I didn’t want to tell you because you need to go talk to Jae. He loves you, Y/N, and you love him. No matter how much I love you, I can’t deny the fact that you’re still hopelessly in love with him, more than you probably want to admit. You really don’t need any extra complications in your life, especially at a time like this, which is why I’ve kept it inside for as long as I have. It’s been killing me for so long but I couldn’t say anything a—and I thought this break you two were taking might be my only shot. But then I realized that you were still in love with him, and you don’t deserve to have that taken away from you, and I deserve someone who can truly love me in return.”

           “Brian--” you began, reaching for his hand as he stood from the couch. You pulled him back, standing up along with him. Brian whipped around as you quickly pulled him down, connecting your lips. He was shocked, but soon relaxed into the kiss as you loosened your grip on his hand. The kiss started off rushed and out of sync, but the two of you soon found your rhythm, Brian placing his free hand on your lower back as you wrapped your arm around his neck. He pulled away softly, slightly leaning his forehead onto yours.

           “Thank you,” Brian whispered, squeezing your hand lightly. “But you need to go talk to Jae.” You nodded in agreement, lightly burying your face into his neck before he broke away. The feeling of his fingers lingered on your lower back as he walked away, going into his bedroom.

           The next day, you collected all your things from Brian’s place and went back to your apartment. Jae was still at the studio and wouldn’t be home until late, so you had time to think. The whole altercation with Brian the night before had fucked you up a little bit, but you decided it was best not to focus on that while trying to get his best friend back. It was incredibly stressful nonetheless.

           You jumped when you heard the door open, eyes darting to the front of the flat. Jae stood in front of the door, staring at you like a deer in headlights. He looked paler than usual, his dark circles seemed to be embedded into his skin. You stood up slowly, terrified of what might happen next.

           Jae ran over to you, tightly wrapping his arms around your torso. You froze in shock, slowly returning his strong embrace.

           “Y/N, I’ve missed you so much,” he choked out, burying his face into your neck. “Please, please forgive me. I love you so much, I promise I’ll change, I don’t know what I’d do without you, please--”

           “Shhhhhh, Jae just calm down, I’m here,” you whispered, gripping onto his back. The two of you stood like that for a while, Jae heavily leaning onto you. Eventually, Jae collected himself enough for the two of you to sit on the couch, neither of you sure what to say.

           “I’m so sorry,” Jae spoke up. “You have no reason to forgive me, I know that, but please just hear me out.” The room grew silent, the tension thick.

           “I’m listening,” you began. Jae sighed, staring at the ground.

           “I have no excuses for neglecting you, and I realize that it was really shitty of me to try and blame it all on you,” he began, gradually starting to look up at you. “I was scared; I was scared of how much I cared about you and I tried to distance myself because I thought it would make it less scary, but I just lost you in the process. I haven’t been able to keep you out of my head for the past 3 weeks, I barely ate anything, I couldn’t sleep, I—I’ve just been a mess. And I understand how depressing that sounds, especially because I’m a grown man who should be able to take care of himself, but I need you. I love you more than I think I’ve loved anyone in my life and I was so terrified of it that I ended up doing what I feared the most; losing you. I understand if you don’t forgive me but I just wanted you to know that I love you and not having you in my life has made these past 3 weeks complete torture.” You looked up at his pleading eyes, your heart growing slightly weak at the sight. His words lingered in the air as you contemplated how to respond.

           “I forgive you,” you sighed, reaching out to grab his hand. “But the next time you feel like that, I need you to talk to me about it before this happens again.”

           “I will, I swear. I can’t risk losing you again,” Jae said, reaching to cup your cheek. He leaned in for a soft, slow kiss, both of you relaxing into the feeling. It was comfortable but electric, it reminded you of how much you truly loved him. A pang of guilt struck your heart as you recalled the feeling of Brian’s lips on yours—strange but comfortable—as you and Jae slowly pulled away from each other.

           “I love you,” you breathed out, wrapping your arms around his neck.

           “I love you more,” Jae replied, leaning in once again, the world around you suddenly completely irrelevant.

[solarpunksoftie]

additional fun facts about the Gene Pool

because i cant be stopped and oh hello new obsession

my sides

A - Adrienne   E - Ethan   L - Laura   P - Pandora   D - Daryl

Favourite Colour

A - Green

E - Red

L - Blue

P - Yellow

D - Purple

Favourite Music

A - The Struts, Major Lazer, Ariana Grande

E - Rise Against, Green Day, Paramore

L - Lindsey Stirling, Sleeping At Last, Ratatat

P - KONGOS, Arctic Monkeys, Bastille

D - Twenty One Pilots, The Neighborhood, The Front Bottoms

Favourite Foods/Bev

A - Popsicles, Bananas, Mussels / Dr. Pepper

E - Yogurt+Granola, Lamb, Bacon / Juice

L - Steak, Mushrooms, Ramen(its convenient!) / Tea

P - Berries, Spaghetti, Clif Bars (chocolatey ones) / Coffee

D - BBQ Chips, Goldfish, Cheesecake / Hot Cocoa

Favourite Movie

A - Avengers

E - The Sting

L - Cosmos: War of the Planets (they fuckin lov terrible movies)

P - Indiana Jones and the Lost Arc

D - Heathers

Favourite T.V. Show

A - Rick and Morty

E - Brooklyn Nine-Nine

L - Star Trek (tos)

P - The Walking Dead

D -  Cutthroat Kitchen

Favourite Fiction Genre / AO3 Tag

A - Action / Smut

E - Drama / Hurt Comfort

L - Sci-fi / College AU

P - Fantasy / Graphic Depictions of Violence

D - Slice of Life / Whump

Favourite Musical / Song from it

A - Catch Me If You Can / Live in Living Color

E - Les Miserables / Do You Hear The People Sing 

L - Hamilton / Non-Stop

P - Into The Woods / I Know Things Now

D -  Heathers / Lifeboat

Favourite Activity

A - sex, dancing, late night shenanigans with friends

E - attending protests, witchcraft, hiking

L - painting, research, watching movies

P - cooking, playing horror games, playing with animals

D - sleeping, listening to music, cuddling (but they’ll never admit it)

Favourite Affection

A - kisses. not necessarily romantic, forehead, cheek, hand, etc are all awesome

E - massages, especially shoulders

L - hair play

P - hand holding and casual touches

D - hugs, but so touch starved he’ll take anything

Favourite exercise

A - Dance!

E - Swimming

L - Climbing

P - Bicycle

D - pass…

If They Had A Super Power…

A - Flight

E - Pyrokinesis/Pyrogenesis

L - Time Stop

P - Invincibility

D - Invisibility

Weapon Of Choice

A - Falchion… specifically this one 

E - spiked bat

L - Pistol

P - Bowie Knife

D - Switchblade

Travel Destination

A - Amsterdam OR Cross Country Road Trip

E - International Relief Aid (they have no concept of relaxation)

L - Ireland

P - Hawaii

D - no thanks..

Element

A - Air

E - Fire

L - Earth

P - Water

D - Smoke

Theme Songs

A - Raise Your Glass, P!nk - Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time, P!atD

E - Architects, Rise Against - Uprising, Muse - Feeling Sorry, Paramore

L - Conquest of Spaces, Woodkid

P - Laugh Till I Cry, The Front Bottoms - Stressed Out, Twenty One Pilots

D - Trapdoor, Twenty One Pilots - Be Nice To Me, The Front Bottoms - The Draw, Bastille

Little Quirks

A - Happy Dances, Winks, Hair Fluffs

E - Impatient finger tapping, “Cool Kid” posing, Blowing hair out of face

L - clasped hands, Adjusting glasses, straitening tie

P - deforest kelley bounce, hands nervously in pockets, always ready to rabbit

D - Tired face rub, eye roll, lip biting

Zodiac Sign/Planet (all from my full chart)

A - Aries Moon

E - Scorpio Mars

L - Libra Mercury

P - Sagittarius Jupiter

D - Pisces Saturn

Shadow Emotion

A - Loneliness

E - Sadness

L - Confusion

P - Fear

D - Anger

Alignment

A - Chaotic Neutral - fuck it this looks fun

E - Chaotic Good - I will burn this city to the ground to save a child

L - Lawful Good - do the right thing the Right way and you get the best results

P - Lawful Neutral - follow the rules and you won’t get hurt

D - Neutral Evil - I’m tired just kill yourself

Hogwarts House

A - Gryffindor

E - Slytherin / Gryffindor

L - Ravenclaw / Slytherin

P - Gryffindor

D - Hufflepuff

D&D Class

A - Sorcerer

E - Druid

L - Wizard

P - Ranger

D - Rogue

MBTI / my function stack

A - ESFP / Se

E - ENFP / Fi

L - ENTJ / Te

P - ISTP / inferior Ni

D - INFP - none, hes a disorder

God Tier 

A - Maid of Breath

E - Knight of Space

L - Sylph of Mind

P - Mage of Rage

D - Page of Doom

High School Superlatives

A - Best Person to Travel With

E - Most Likely to Help Hide a Body

L - Most Likely to Succeed

P - Best Person to Get Stranded With

D - Worst Case of Senioritis

Vices/Virtues

A - Sex/Kindness

E - Rage/Courage

L - Overwork/Diligence 

P - Alcohol/Vigilance 

D - Drugs/Humility

When Stressed

A - loses all sense of direction and will jump onto the first suggestion someone makes to relieve the stress. Gets paranoid about appearance. Easily becomes overwhelmed/sensory overloaded and needs soft things, stim things, and fidgit toys to keep from becoming entirely incoherent.

E - Gets really impatient and short with people. If the stress escalates they will angry cry from frustration. Slams doors, yells unnecessarily.

L - Comes to a complete stop. They can’t complete a thought coherently and are easily confused. Prone to quitting from distress, coming to the conclusion that the most logical thing is to remove ones self from the stress while also stuck on the fact that it’s stressful because it’s too important to ignore. They basically experience blue screen of death by becoming a feedback loop of “oh no”.

P - The paranoia is in full bloom. they can get delusional and jumpy. Fears intensify. Outwardly, the only sign that somethings wrong is the occasional thousand yard stare or, contrastly, they get hyper vigilant. They’re just always ready.

D - Nap Time. If naps are not acquired they become crazy aggressive and verbally abusive. Every problem is a personal attack and it must be Gene’s fault. Craves death but will settle for a razor.

When They Like Someone

A - a smooth motherfucker. loves the seduction game. will wear lingerie under her clothes in case the opportunity arises to take it off ;)

E - Skittish. romance is the one emotional department they always fumble with. will compliment a lot and try to win them over, but takes a long time to act on anything for fear of misreading the other person’s intentions and making them uncomfortable.

L - Direct. knows the importance of presentation and is a good manipulator, so may implement their skills unintentionally. Really they just want the other person on the same page as them.

P - Suspicion. they normally aren’t attracted to someone unless the other person flirts first, and they are distrustful of others’ intentions. only once they feel safe with their crush will they act more directly and can actually be very charming.

D - Obsession and Despair. This person becomes their everything, which terrifies them, so they try and pull away to avoid getting hurt, and then get upset that the person isnt paying enough attention to them, and then the “im unlovable” spiral begins.

When Injured (with irl experiences oops)

A - powers through with force of will. will convince herself that its not a big deal. would probably try to finish a marathon with a broken leg. not stubborn if told to seek help, however, theyre just really bad at judging the severity/urgency of an injury. (went through their day without a care in the world after a head injury, legit didn’t think it was a big deal. the bump just looked nasty)

E - stubborn as a mule to keep up their badass image. will brush off most things even if they know its bad news. the only time the facade drops is when theyre alone, and then theyre a mess. (helped someone move despite the fact that they were seriously ill. hid it the whole time. collapsed when they got home)

L - reacts appropriately to the situation. has an objective enough knowledge of medicine and anatomy to assess the severity and urgency of an injury and will seek help if needed. 

P - Panic. has a slight inclination to hypochondria that only comes out when something is wrong. stubbed tow? its broken. stomach ache? it could be cancer or their appendix is gonna burst. weird symptoms they dont recognize? absolutely positive theyre gonna die. if they cant see whats wrong the panic is worse. is actually not bad dealing with flesh wounds, but still wont hesitate in seeking care. (full blown panic attack when a uti started exhibiting unfamiliar symptoms and couldn’t receive immediate care)

D - secrecy. wont tell anyone. 10/10 most likely to silently stitch up a wound themselves and no one would be the wiser. (suffering silently through a migraine without medication, cleaning up self harm cuts)

Negative Influences

A - Reckless behavior, abandoning obligations in favour of a fun activity, drug use

E - Being argumentative, “anyone who doesnt agree with me is the enemy” knee jerk reaction, grudges

L - Obsessive behavior, hyper focus, over rationalizing feelings away

P - Irrational fears, distrust of others, exhausting hyper vigilance

D - Depression my dudes, self worth issues, self harm in all forms

Positive Influences

A - Trying new things, Courage, enjoying the simple pleasures

E - Passion, Moral compass, Determination

L - keeping my life structured, love of learning, the designer

P - self preservation, observing others’ personal boundaries, being prepared

D - ?????, keeps me from becoming too powerful,, ???????

When To Worry About Them

A - would rather stay home than go out, reclusive behavior

E - either theyre constantly fuming or they become painfully apathetic

L - none of their ideas make sense, language issues

P - always v stressed

D - smiley mask, overly compliant, overly positive

How They Chill

A - Nature Walks

E - Low Key hangouts with friends

L - Coloring books

P - Music - will often chill and listen to music with Daryl

D - Sleep - falls asleep while listening to music with Pandora

ill probly add onto this when i think of more stuff, but here for now

Self Care

A - Dressing up, cuz looking good for your own sake does wonders for emotional wellbeing

E - Talking to people, it’s not fair to you or your friends to shut them out, and the attention makes Adrienne happy

L - Hot Shower. As well as being good hygiene, hot showers improve circulation and relax muscles and the mind

P - cooking a whole meal for yourself, because you have a penchant for denying yourself food, and its a creative, mentally stimulating activity that gets you moving and is satisfying

D - He’d say sleep, but he always wants to sleep so its mostly detrimental. So he’s with Laura on hot showers, but like, in the dark. They’re good for if you’re upset, or nauseous, or tired, or have a migraine, or need a cry. Don’t gotta put much thought into it, if somethings wrong it can probably be fixed with a shower. Also the warmth is super nice, and a locked dark bathroom is basically the most secure place you have access to. AND you can use nice smelling soaps and stuff, so Addy is happy too. Showers are just default best.

Which Sanders Sides theyre most like

A - Patton

E - Roman

L - Logan

P - Anxiety

D - get fucked

As My Friends… 

A - Kevin - big puppy dog, adventure/food/trouble friend

E - John - loud and proud and also my libra buddy

L - Owen - too smart jesus christ

P - Bri - anxiety ridden and prepared for everything

D - Jake - seriously hes the embodiment of depression anyway its horrifying

Physical Details

A - always wearing body glitter. nothing too Extra but just enough for a slight shimmer

E - has all the tattoos ive ever fantasized about. when i think up a new one it gets added to the collection. the buffest looking; when they work out they go for tone cuz they love the look

L - the only one who wears glasses. also wears a binder cuz theyre most comfortable flat-chested

P - carries any injuries i have at the time, including random bruises or cuts. actually the strongest even though they dont look it

D - has cuts all up their arms. they’re normally wrapped in bandages or hidden under hoodies. Deep under eye bags and the thinnest by far cuz they never heckin eat

Group Opinion

A - despite being the oldest everyone sees her as the little sister they need to protect. they love when shes happy and they all put in efforts to keep her out of too much trouble for the most part

E - they see them as a bit of an egomaniac, which isnt too far off. they are the judicial voice of the group, keeping everyone in line. those who deviate too far face their wrath.

L - the nerd. the others actually try to dismiss them a lot, since a lot of times they end up holding the group back. wildly unappreciated even though theyre normally right and helpful

P - doesn’t normally pop into group discussions, and is more of a casual observer, only participating when necessary. the others appreciate this about them, because for real if they contributed all the time id be a lot more stressed out

D - the villain. everyone always attacks everything they say (with good reason). despite this they still somehow end up winning a pretty good amount of decisions, cuz they are disgustingly good at twisting words and appealing to what at least one of the others wants. no one trusts them

[tamsalvation]

I went out yesterday to seek help with my anxiety

I went out yesterday to seek help with my anxiety, as it has become too overwhelming again, and making my depression spiral. I end up in the doctors office, therapists office, psych ward every few years looking for help. I can’t breathe, I can’t calm down, I’m not hungry. I want help to breathe, I need to calm down. That my body doesn’t listen to my brain, that my body is in a constant state of panic, and it doesn’t know how to be. Any little stress, that I know I can handle, but my body over-reacts. I want control of my body. I want my body to listen to my brain, I want my body to trust my brain that it will work out and I have a plan, and it can calm down, I want my body to understand that I am safe now, and stress is normal, and it doesn’t need to protect me anymore.

 I don’t know how to calm my body down, when it has built itself up to a point, where I am so stressed, every breathe I try to take is difficult.  One therapist explained it to me that I seem to be in a constant state of fight or flight, as my symptoms, are all what your body does when it is in that state. My muscles are tense, my stomach is empty which is ideal, I always have to go pee, every two – three hours or so, the more stressed I am the more often I have to go.

  http://www.youngdiggers.com.au/fight-or-flight

 What is fight or flight response?

This is the body’s response to perceived threat or danger. During this reaction, certain hormones like adrenalin and cortisol are released, speeding the heart rate, slowing digestion, shunting blood flow to major muscle groups, and changing various other autonomic nervous functions, giving the body a burst of energy and strength. Originally named for its ability to enable us to physically fight or run away when faced with danger, it’s now activated in situations where neither response is appropriate, like in traffic or during a stressful day at work. When the perceived threat is gone, systems are designed to return to normal function via the relaxation response, but in our times of chronic stress, this often doesn’t happen enough, causing damage to the body.

The fight-or-flight response, also known as the acute stress response, refers to a psychological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically. The fight-or-flight response was first described in the 1920s by American physiologist Walter Cannon. Cannon realised that a chain of rapidly occurring reactions inside the body help mobilise the body's resources to deal with threatening circumstances.

In response to acute stress, the body's sympathetic nervous system is activated due to the sudden release of hormones. The sympathetic nervous systems stimulates the adrenal glands triggering the release of catecholamines, which include adrenaline and noradrenaline. This results in an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate. After the threat is gone, it takes between 20 to 60 minutes for the body to return to its pre-arousal levels.

The fight-or-flight response is also known as the acute stress response. Essentially, the response prepares the body to either fight or flee the threat. It is also important to note that the response can be triggered due to both real and imaginary threats.

This is how I live everyday and every moment of my life, for as long as I can remember, I am in a constant state of fight or flight.  I am prone to getting more aggressive when my anxiety spikes.  I have to speak up, to calm my anxiety, I have to correct what is going wrong, I have to fix it and make it better, I have to educate. I have the strength, the knowledge, the wisdom, the empathy, the understanding, the caring, to help out and make things better. I like to come up with plans, I have all these great ideas. I need the ability to communicate, respectfully, without haste or panic, irritability. I need my voice to come from the good parts of me, and not be hindered and swallowed by the panic my body is going through. I need my body to trust my mind, and not overreact.  

 Every moment of my childhood was spent being panicked, that something would happen to upset my mother, I was always on guard to make sure everything went smoothly. I am a child of abuse, and my body is stuck in fight or flight. I don’t even remember the last time I was hungry. I eat because I know I have to, to survive. When my life gets a little stressful, and my body goes into anxiety hard core, just the smell of food makes me nauseous. I have to do breathing exercises to calm my body down, so I can eat. I want to eat without needing to take deep breathes before every bite, just so I can get some food into my body. Luckily, I love liquids, I am always thirsty, I drink a lot of liquid, I can get my vitamins, minerals and proteins from drinks, but food would be nice, I miss food so much, I miss wanting food. I’m sick of living, that it is that time of day for food so I should eat something, I enjoy the taste of food, I just want my body to want and enjoy it as much as my mind does. I’m sick of only feeling hunger pains, and not the want that should come before the pain.  I’m sick of not being able to eat too much when I do eat. That if I try to eat too much, my body throws it up. I just want to be able to eat an appetizer and dinner, but my body has decided that is too much food, and my stomach is not allowed to be that full up. Needs to be in prime position for fight or flight.

   I don’t know what it’s like not to have the muscles on top of my lungs being tense. The degree to which I cannot breathe always increasing and decreasing. Even when I am happy, my body is stressed, even at home all alone in my safe place, I am still tense. When I go to the doctors, when I cannot take my bodys reaction to my stresses anymore, when I cant handle it anymore, when I start to feed the anxiety as I cant handle my stress when I get taken over by this underlying issue. I go them telling them I cant breathe, for days now, I haven’t eaten for days, Im not hungry and food smells so nauseous to me. That my muscles are so tense, its causing muscle pains. That when I do get food into me, my body is so stressed, it cannot calmly process it, and my digestive system hurts, and I get diarrhea.  I eat all the healthy foods to make me happy, and it doesn’t matter, will come out stressed. My stomach will rumble and be in pain. I just want to eat, I just want to breathe. I want my body to calm down. I want my body to listen and trust my mind, to understand stress is normal, and it doesn’t need to overreact like this.

 My mind is in a good place, overall. I have casual existential despair. The depression will always be there, suicidal thoughts. I can tell you though whenever someone asks me if I am suicidal enough, if I think of actually killing myself do, I have a plan, I always tell them, I am not on psychiatric medicine right now, and the only time when it is that serious is what those pills do to me. I can guarantee part of my plan to kill myself, is that I have to be on the pills, as they cut me off from my emotions and everything, and they would give me the strength to harm myself in that way. I have been on and off psych meds all my life. The times when I have gotten past the terrors of the first few weeks of the psych meds, and stayed on them for 3,6,9 months or so. EVERY time I have come off them, as I got to the point where I was going to do, I was going to kill myself, I couldn’t take the feeling nothing at all anymore, as the only thing worse to me, then feeling sad and overwhelmed, is feeling nothing at all, no sadness, but no more happiness either, I feel NOTHING when I am on those drugs, I am in a waking coma, I am zombie, I am not attached to me. But EVERY time, when I stayed on them, when I got to the point where it was time to do it, time to put it all in action, I choose life every time. I choose that it was the drug, and not me making this decision. EVERY time, I stopped taking them cold turkey, and guess what, no withdrawal symptoms. I refused to take another pill as I choose LIFE. I want to make this world a better place, I don’t want people to suffer anymore, I want to help.  Psychiatric meds are some of the most addictive pills out there, if you go past the time you were supposed to take them, your body starts to go through the worst withdrawals ever.  The pain everywhere, uncontrollable shaking, the headache, the stomach ache.  You have to slowly ween yourself off, they strongly do not recommend just going off them.

 I have tried just taking anxiety pills, however those were at times when I was really depressed as well. When the anxiety was gone, there was nothing to panic and worry me about the dark thoughts, and the dark thoughts just took over, I never lasted more than 3 weeks on anxiety pills, most times I only last a few days. The doctors refuse to give me one time use, anti anxiety meds, just so I can breathe for a bit, to put my depression into a better place. The anxiety meds do something to my head and it makes me really sad. I don’t need my head in a better place, I can get that there myself, It is exhausting me having to fight my body every day.  I just want to breathe, I just want to eat, I just want my body to relax.

 The doctors keep trying to treat my mind, when its my body I have lost control of. I feel like my body has betrayed me, that I have no control over it.  I have been doing breathing, and sensory exercise since I was in the single digits. My head is full of self confidence, I believe in myself so much, I don’t care about others opinions of me, that is a reflection of them and their character and not of me. I am a good, caring, intelligent, brave, strong, independent woman. I am an example and role model of this, I am a leader. I need to be able to stand confidently in my body, and not have my body betray me, and be stressed out all the time, I need to calm and relax my body. I need to convince it, that it is ok, and it can calm down now, we are safe now. You don’t need to do this to me anymore.

 I can’t live with my body being stressed like this, it is so exhausting and takes such a toll on my mental health.  When do I get to be me. I want this to end, so yes I entertain dark thoughts, however most are me trying to be me, and this wonderful person I want to be.  Just because everyday I struggle with this, as its there everyday, my will to conquer this is stronger. I just don’t want to live like this my whole life, and wonder when will the pain stop, when will my body finally calm down and let me be.

 I go to the doctors as I cant breathe, when it gets so bad, I can hyperventilate for hours. When it gets to the point when it’s a few days in a row, of 4-8 hours a day, where I am hyperventilating it is stressful. I go about my life, as I hyperventilate, as I don’t let it stop me. Sure when its triggered, it’s a full on anxiety attack, crying cant breathe, usually a rant of some kind coming out of mouth. Then I calm my mind, and I wait for my body to catch up. I go back to what I was doing, and eventually I know I will stop hyperventilating, that my breathe will slow, and go back to that tense breathing standard, instead of the hyper breathing.  I want to not overreact when stressful situations occur, I want to be able to communicate, the well thought out words I have in my head. Sometimes my body panics and it takes my head with it, but I calm myself down, as my head has no tolerance for my own BS.  I don’t talk negatively to myself. Some outside stimulus, whether people,  technology, etc something out of my control, sets me off.  And my body overreacts before I can get the words together that I needed to fix the issue. I need my body to cooperate with me. I need to calm my body down. My mind can only do so much, I have lost control of my body, and I need to gain that control back. I need it to stop being in a constant state of fight or flight.

 I am constantly tired, its exhausting. I love sleep, my body gets to rest for a bit. I don’t like how the psych meds make you drowsy, I want to feel more alive not more tired. The sleep on them is not as restful either. I have so many alarms set already as I don’t like to wake, I sleep through some, turn some off in my sleep, and eventually they start to wake me, I hit snooze for awhile then get up, on the doctors drugs, I turn all the alarms off, or just straight up sleep through them, till they turn themselves off, I am so tired on them, when I am awake, I still feel like sleep always, hence the zombie feeling. I have constant dry mouth, I’m always thirsty, I don’t want a pill that will make it worse. The pills can make you not hungry.

 I want someone to treat my body and not my mind. If my mind could convince my body it is ok, and it can calm down now, I would have already. My anxiety was so bad as a child, at 5 years old, I was diagnosed with ADHD and insomnia, and was put on ADHD meds, and sleeping pills to sleep at night.  At 5 years old I couldn’t explain, that yes it can take me awhile to fall asleep but once I am out I am out, I love sleep, and can sleep 8-12 hours or more. That I don’t generally get tired till between 12-2, and prefer to wake between 9-11 am. When I go to bed between 12-2 and was ready for bed, it will take me 30 min to an hour to fall asleep. If I go to bed, when I am not tired yet, or way too early, I take 2-3 hours to fall asleep.  When I am tired I will go to sleep. The rest of my family put a stop to the ADHD and sleeping meds when I was 6 or 7, and I learned how to hide that I wasn’t sleeping, I also learned how when I realized I was tired, after being in bed for hours, how to get myself to sleep in less than 10 minutes.

 I saw all different therapists from age 5-18, the one I started to see when I was 5, I aged out of, as only dealt with young children, after that I bounced around with therapists. Also in and out of foster homes, so saw all kinds of workers and supports, took all kinds of classes to make me better.  My mother says she had measles as a baby, and it caused brain damage, and that is what is wrong with her, she was in a few psych wards as I was growing up. There is something just not right about her, there are disconnects, she can take things in her own way, and take things very badly. She doesn’t always know what’s truth and what’s made up.  She is the only one to talk to me and explain it. My family can confirm the measles, but I don’t know if the brain damage is a story she has made up in her head, to explain to herself, why she behaves like she does. Please vaccinate, measles can be eradicated, no baby should be in the hospital for measles.

  Never once in my life, did one of my mothers doctors sit me down and talk to me about my mother. No one explained to me what was wrong and how I can help her. I took lots of classes on leadership, I went to therapists to help me deal with how I can handle my mother, and not take her personally, to help me be strong enough to survive her and take care of her.  I have been taught so well, how to build myself up and not let any one tear me down. I believe in myself, and know how amazing I am. I was my mothers primary caregiver, support, friend as a child.  I have cut contact multiple times with my mother over my life, my mother is mean, she is jealous. I always have to worry about her harsh criticism of everything. My mother doesn’t criticize my knowledge she knows I am smart, she is very proud to have raised a smart, independent, strong woman. It was very important to her when I was growing up to have strong female role models, she tried her best, she wants me to succeed in life so badly. She doesn’t like my clothing or hair choices, I don’t exercise enough, sometimes I am fat. I am underweight, the most I have ever weighed in my life is 145lbs, I am 5 foot 6, that is a healthy weight for me. I reached my height at 12 years old, for every part but that one year I put on a bit of weight, I have weighed between 100-125lbs, most of the time I sit between 110-120. I am always trying to put on weight. I am trying to get my body healthy.  

 My mother stopped working when I was 7, and that’s when it went from bad at home to worse. Work gave her migraines. She is still on disability, still has migraines, other physical pains have manifested in her body. When my mother stayed home all day, she stopped cleaning and I took over cleaning the house. When I didn’t clean something well enough, it showed and proved to her, that I didn’t love her. I would have to convince her that I do love her, I just missed that part of cleaning. I was terrified of cleaning poorly, as it would set off my mother, she would cry, and insist that I hate her, that I did it on purpose to hurt her, she would take a missed spot of cleaning personal.  I always helped my mother clean, I remember being three and cleaning the bathroom, that was the room my mother hated cleaning the most, and one of the first responsibilities I had around the house.  If I missed a hair while cleaning the bathroom, I was grounded. As I wasn’t cleaning properly, I didn’t care about cleaning I didn’t care about her, I was a liar.

 I lived through so much stress,  I just want my body to understand it is ok, we are free, we are safe, it can relax, it can calm down. My body doesn’t know how to live another way, I don’t know how to teach it how to calm down, how to trust me, that I have it, and if not, its ok, as bad things happen, and its fine we always get over it. Pretty quickly actually, we are good at that. My body doesn’t understand, it doesn’t know how to live without being under constant stress, this is how my body is now always.

 I just want to breathe, I just want to eat, I just want to relax, and have control over my body.

  Please Help me

And not another psychiatric drug, not another therapist. My issues in my head are dealt with and handled, I need help with my body, not my mind.