#its not like im gonna be happy exactly when ppl find out im right. ill be happy that ppl finally realize im telling the truth | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inosukeslefttoe · 4 years ago

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SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro.

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry.

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either.

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

#wonder egg priority #wonder egg spoilers #ai ohto #rika kawai #momoe sawaki #wonder egg priority neiru #i forgot neirus name #anime review #wonder egg ai #lgbtq anime

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normal-thoughts-official · 5 years ago

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*breakdances softly* Thoughts on florist Magnus and tattoo artist Alec?

*waltzes aggressively* well i definitely do now

okay so like i am vaguely aware that you probably wanted me to actually create a story like i did for the other asks;

because listen, florist Magnus???????? i had never thought about it before, but that shit is THE BOMB

in indonesia, particularly Bali, flowers hold special significance both in the social and religious sense; they have meaning, they have history, and they have everyday uses and are a part of everyday life; people grow flowers at home, give them as gifts, have entire markets entirely dedicated to the trade of flowers. and yes, i know magnus is javanese, but this applies to pretty much all of Indonesia, including Java, and Jakarta has its own traditional flower market with flowers from all over the world and some of the sellers being in the business since the 60s, not to mention that many balinese ppl immigrated to Java and the two islands' histories are deeply connected. so nothing is even stopping me from believing that magnus' mom was a balinese migrant living in Java. which is exactly what im gonna do in this specific AU at least

So Magnus was actually born in Indonesia, where he lived for most of his childhood; until his mom suddenly died of a terrible disease and he was kind of thrown into living with his father, who, despite having him registered and being his legal guardian, had never so much as bothered to meet Magnus before this point

His father was also Indonesian but had long since moved to the US, so magnus' life was completely turned upside down. And despite providing financially for everything Magnus needed, asmodeus never really bothered with him beyond the basics; Magnus was pretty much self-raised

So for the whole time he lived with him, he ached with memories of his mom and his country. And what he remembered best about her was the flowers. The jasmines she used to grow at home, the unique smell they left on the water she used to wash his hair; the offerings of frangipani she would leave by their doorstep everyday, intricately sewn together and leaving the smell of both the flowers and the incense with them as they left to the ports; the flower boards she would give him on his birthday, different patterns every year, and somehow she would always find plywood and tahi cotok to make them the traditional way instead of the modern with styrofoam

Magnus refuses to let any of these traditions die; once he finally graduates and leaves his father's home (forever disappointing him in his refusal to take over his business) he dedicates almost all of the space in his home to a greenhouse where he can grow all of the indigenous indonesian flower species without worrying that they will die in the distinctly not-tropical climate of New York; he leaves offerings in his doorstep everyday, facing North for Vishnu, so as to bring harmony not only in his life but in his whole community as well. And he's a florist.

He knows both traditional indonesian flower meanings, and western flower language, and often mixes the two since the flowers in these cultures are so different. He makes bouquets, arrangements, and flower boards, keeping the tradition alive even when he's far away from home. This way he feels like he belongs, like he carries a piece of his mother with him everyday, and reminds himself that, even if he's been taken away from his home, it won't be taken away from him

It's pretty much only him in his shop, but his friend Dot also makes deliveries and helps him keep the shop running. He has a few regulars and all in all he lives a stable, happy life.

He meets Alec when he decides to make his first tattoo - a string of jasmines around his elbow, the national flowers of indonesia and also his mom's favorite. He chooses Alec both because of his mesmerising drawing style and his history of working and good recommendations from other dark-skinned people; his friend Catarina also tattooed at his shop, although with his sister, Izzy, who was the one who actually ran the shop

Alec is impressed by how well Magnus handles the pain; it's his very first tattoo and elbows are a bitch. Magnus doesn't tell him that after living with his father for so long he's used to the pain, but he does tell him about the meaning of the tattoo, the flowers, and his mom. He's surprised by how much he's saying to this guy he barely knows, but there's something about wanting to be distracted from the sting and having to be alone with this guy for who knows how many hours that keeps him talking. Alec listens to it quietly, focused on his work, and Magnus isn't even sure if he's actually listening, which kind of also works if he's being honest. Of course, Alec is; listening to Magnus talk is very nice, his voice is soothing and the way he talks about his mom and his passion for flowers is really touching, not to mention Magnus is just interesting; alluring, if you will. But he doesn't have much to add, so he listens

A few days later, Alec shows up at Magnus' shop, all private smiles and wandering eyes, and asks him for help with a birthday present for Izzy. He wants to make her something special, to thank her for her support when he came out and just support in general. It surprises Magnus, but Alec says that Izzy has always liked flowers and from the way Magnus was talking about it the other day, well, he seemed like a good person to help him with this present. He really wanted something to convey his gratitude

Magnus is pleasantly surprised that Alec remembers so much of what he said; even more so when he's careful not to step on Magnus' canang sari at the doorstep, with the incense still burning; and he's absolutely delighted when Alec says he wants Magnus to help him make an arrangement, not just make himself, and that he's willing to pay extra for his consulting (Magnus has never charged extra for consulting, because he really downplays his talent and work and loves sharing his knowledge; but it does feel nice to be valued and have his work acknowledged). So Magnus runs all of his ideas by him, shows him the flowers, and Alec carefully handles and smells them and listens to Magnus' suggestions and slowly makes his own based on what Magnus has been saying. Alec shows respect to the flowers and it's cute to see this big, buffy guy covered in weird tattoos and wearing a leather jacket going around and carefully handling the flowers Magnus grows.

Alec, on the other hand, is just fascinated by everything Magnus says and shows him, and his burning passion for what he does, and how clearly he likes to help people even if it means downplaying his own work

Wow this is actually starting to resemble a plot??? I'm shook

Anyway it takes them a long while to figure out what they want to do, and Alec actually ends up deciding on making izzy a flower board once Magnus mentions them offhandedly. Once Magnus assures him it's not offensive if he makes them with the proper care and respect for its meaning, they settle on working on that.

Listen I need excuses for them to interact okay. Also the idea of Magnus teaching Alec how to sew flowers???? Beautiful

Cue some gay shit, at least once Alec puts a flower behind Magnus' ear and tells him that it suits him, more often than not they find themselves having a lot of fun - Magnus teases him mercilessly over how bad at sewing he is, and Alec is deeply offended (except not really)

Once he even tries to challenge Magnus at doing something from Alec's element and see how well he does, only to be sent into the deepest despair when it turns out magnus is excellent at drawing

Magnus thinks he hears a muttered "of course" but he cant be too sure

Anyway they fall in love

Alec asks him out by making him a bouquet of magnus' favorite flowers, plus flowers that symbolize everything he loves the most about him (his uniqueness, his kindness, his fierceness, his determination in doing what he thinks is right, the joy he brings for everyone around him, his dedication to others, etc). Magnus all but swoons he is very charmed

They get married idk it always ends with them getting married when i have a say in it. Bonus points they get to be showered in flowers like in traditional indonesian weddings, which sends a very happy, very giggly magnus with petals still on his hair into absolute delight. Alec carries him bridal style to the bed and carefully takes the flowers off his hair and kisses him tenderly on their honeymoon and gggggggggggggggg.

Im gay and cant do this anymore im gonna get into a coma

Also, I will take this opportunity to just let it be known that y'all should feel absolutely free to take any and all of my posts as writing prompts; you dont need to ask for my permission to use the ideas, theres no way ill actually do them all and even if i do i dont mind that there are different versions of it going around; hell, i think that's amazing and exactly what fandom is for. Just link the post and if possible send me the fic because i'd be delighted to read it! What I'm trying to say here is, someone should write this

Also, I'm not hindu, so if any terms I've used are offensive or incorrect please let me know and I'll change it accordingly

#ask #cap-mars #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec #malec fic #malec au #fic #overflowing trashcan #long post #florist au

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tvhdmi · 6 years ago

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hey this is a long shot but im looking for any foundation personnel from SCP or just anyone in particular who remembers me. i was a 079 that joined and worked with the foundation. im also looking for any other SCPs that remember me! im ESPICALLY looking for a 682 ... i have some memories below. v long kinda

AS 079 I SOMEHOW ENDED UP ACTUALLY WORKING WITH THE FOUNDATION me nd scp 682 were ... gey OK SO REMEMBER WHEN FUCKIN . ME AND 682 WERE PUT TOGETHER IN A CELL DURING A BREAKOUT IT WAS TEMORAARY AND IWAS THE ONLY THING 682 LIKED BECAUSE I WAS NONHUMAN BUT SENTIENT AND WE TALKED FOR AWHILE AND THEN WE GOT PUT IN OUR REGULAR HOLDING CHAMBERS BUT IT LIKE .. SUCKED AND THEN I BECAME PART OF THE STAFF AND I WORKED WITH 682 A LOT ok mood and one day he was like. "i have this weird feeing. i dont know what it is." and iwas like. what DO YOU Feel and he was like. "its all warm. and fuzzy. and weird. and its caused by you" and im like. FUck and then i got called to go do something and i said id be back later and then i came back later and i was like "ok i have textbooks talking about human emotions but i cant bring them into the acid and i cant stand in the acid either I Will Die" and i read a bunch of them to him out loud and he was like. "what was love again" and i read it again and hes like. "oh thats the one" and im just. "OH FUCK" and i quickly left and a staff member was like. "079 r u ok" and im like "YES BUT I HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW" and i just ran back to my office in Shame and i DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO i just . i didnt see him for like . a few days i was a dumbass gay but i saw him again and i was like. ok "but how would this all work ??? i dont ?? i dont know if I can feel emotions cause im a machine" and hes like "well you felt spite? and anger and stuff right?" and im like. oh fuck hes RIGHT and i said "but how do I feel Love. isnt that hard for a machine." and hes like . "drain the acid and come down here" and im like HELLO ? i said "i need permission to do that tho and if i do it without permission i can get hurt" and he said "ok. go get permisson and come back" and i was like wig ok so i go to a higher level staff member (this one was my friend) and i told him fucking EVERYTHINGGG he was also gay so he knew EXACTLY what was up a lot of lgbt ppl worked at the foundation actually and he said "well i dont think you can drain the acid because we cant have him break out you know" and i was like "yea because thatd be bad.." and he said "plus, what if hes only doing this cause he WANTS to break out" and im like "thats true hes good at manipulation and stuff" so i went back to my office and just sat in my chair and thought about it a lot and i didnt go see him for a few days but other staff members did and then suddenly he fucking BROKE UOUT and i dont remember that much from it but all i rememebr is i was asleep at my desk during the whole thing (i gave myself programed sleeping hours) and that when he found my office i was picked up and carried out most of this im inferring and basing off what other staff members told me so you can imagine my shock when i wake up and im in a fucking forest and im like. "What." i was so confused and when coming out of my sleep mode im Really groggy and slow it took about 30? mins for me to get my whole machine body running AND SO i was like. "what am i doing here. what have you done WHERE IS MY OFFICE" and he said "i took you out of there.. so were both free" and i swear my screen was actually blushing but i was also SO MAD i was like. "do you not realize we are still SCPs that broke out of containment and that you are possibly one of the most deadly ones" and he was like. "but were _free._ and now im with you. and i dont know if anyone can find us here" and i said "i have a tracking chip in me. i dont know if other personell do but i do so they can f-" and he just. PICKED ME UP. and said "then well keep running" and i was SO SO mad but i just watched how fast by the world was going and then next i know hes running through neighborhoods and towns and cities. and it was nighttime i think, so i looked up at the sky and it was actually so pretty? and i was just quiet . and then i could hear the helis overhead and just ran even FASTER and we were deep into a big city by then. and he just stopped in the middle of an intersection and dropped me to the ground and wrapped his tail around me and started growing more mouths and limbs and stuff like hwas GONAN DIE to protect me and i was just silent in shock. i watched the NTF units drop out of their heli and i had to squirm my way out and i was like. "DONT SHOOT" and they were SO CONFUSED that i was there. i had to explain to them that he broke out, somehow picked me up and took me on this wild ride and he was just behind me SO ready to kill the entire time and i somehow was able to make him go back peacefully w me and i felt so bad for all the pedestrians tbh .... after we got back and put him back into containment i said i have to go work and he didnt want me too. and i was like. "ill be back later, i just have paperwork to do," and he said for me to bring it back to his room and i was like. ok. so i did and i just sat in the little observation window and filled it out and you know. normal stuff. but then he somehow clawed up the wall to the window and just kind of perched on there and watched me fill it out and stuff. at one point i thought hed break the window but he didnt. when he saw the 0-5 council show up on the paperwork he was like. "can you ask them to drain the acid. so i can be with you more" and i was like. "i guess? im not sure if they would though," and i just kinda hid under my lab coat. i did go to the 0-5 and explained everything to them and i was able to get a compromise. the acid would be drained and stuff before i would come in. i had to have special boots on in case of any remaining acid puddles and special gloves too. the first time it happened he seemed confused but when i walked in he seemed really happy and i thought the two NTF guards were gonna faint when they saw a HAPPY 682. they closed the door behind me and i just kinda stood there at first. but then he picked me up and it was so WEIRD he was so much bigger then me. but he was really gentle when picking me up too. and he just held me really close and then he held me up to his "muzzle" (his head was more bone then skin/fur) and he licked me and it covered my entire screen. and i just kinda reached out and pet him?? and he had this REALLY deep like.. purr.. and the more i pet the more he would purr. and i kind of hugged him too. and he said something but i cant remember it. he then set me back down. and then he laid down, i wasnt paying attention cuz i was wiping my screen clean. and he pulled me really close? and just. curled around me. and i could hear his breathing too. really large deep breaths. i think i somehow fell asleep like that. i woke up what was i think about 30 mins to an hour later. when i woke up i was really warm. he had a high-ish body temperature. i yaned, which told him i was awake, and he moved to look at me. all the acid had dried out of his fur, and i reached up and slowly ran my hands through it. it was actually really soft.. i slowly stood up and looked at him and said "hey ill be back in a bit," but he cut me off and wrapped his tail around me and pulled me close again and he told me he loved me, and i was so.. embarassed. i didnt rlly know what to do so when i rushed out all flustered, the NTF were confused, but sealed the chamber as it filled back up with acid. i went back to my office ad just kinda stared at my hands and sat down and hid in my lab coat again.

#canon call #scp #scp kin #079 kin #scp 079 kin #fictionkin #scp 682 #scp foundation #fickin #079 x 682 #HHRRUUGU #static.exe #kin

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cafecinnamon8 · 6 years ago

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I really like your hb oc and his backstory!! I hope you decide to share even more info about him! (Like honestly just go off and rant about everything and anything about him, if you want, I love hearing people talk about their ocs!!!) But, i'd love to hear more about his relationship with his sister and how he behaved in St. Pigeonations!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!im really happy!!!!;;;;;;;www;;;;;;; aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA

I…love when ppl ask abt…ocs….even if i dont make them A Lot…and abandon them after like a week….thank u omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

diivng in headfirst uMM…first of all him and his sister!! maki really liked drawing and the two of them would draw and color thngs together…if maki. lived past 7, she would love art a lot and get her ass into art school ok im sad… maki rlly loved her brother and vice versa, they would play pretend with each other, build forts, get into trouble, etc.

this is really long so ill put it under a read more!

i also told this to my friend and!! maki is really brave, specifically she is totally okay with thunderstorms and even likes them, but haru is really scared of them, so she’s like “its ok haru!! ill protect you from the storm!!! dont worry!!!” and they build another protection fort + double protection because of makis stuffed animals!!!! and every time haru gets ;_; because of the thunder she’s like “the thunder is screaming because its scared of us!!”

theyre just. ok theyre rlly close…more specific details there is also a little store next to their house that they go to all the time to spend their allowance and buy dumb little trinkets!!! when maki was home sick before her Death, haru promised to get her something when he came home that day,,,,,and she was really excited and couldn’t wait for him to come home…. and then. dies. oops

i don’t know yet what that Thing was exactly but…maybe it was a new set of hair pins…eyes emoji because haru didnt wear pins as a child that was maki, and now he doeshehHEHEH im dying

…ok his behavior at st pigeonations tho!! originally he was supposed to be >:3 basically, but that changed after. All That SHIT

i think it’s a given thing that he’s pretty withdrawn - years of brainwashing n Mental Torture probably do a doozy on ur brain after all - yet I don’t think he’s necessarily intimidating?? he seems kinda strange, he stares at others for too long especially if they interest him, and following that he probably also follows people for the same reason and then walks away when he loses interest. and also hes withdrawn because dude cant even talk

i also put him in anghels class, 2-2 i think? also, since his. basic skills kinda deteriorated in 5-6 years, he probably also isn’t the best when it comes to school? so, that leads to me bringing up the headmaster was in on operation hurtful in bbl right?? and he was also probably aware of harus Role at the school, and his grades aren’t accurate (like, his true grade should’ve been like. a 23, but he gets a much higher grade).

im sorry that might be confusing and im also all over the place bc i l ove him so much!!!!! the only grade that’s accurate for him is gym class though

i didnt mention this, and this is kinda fucked up but..hawk party..haru being Successfully Brainwashed would probably lead to a bunch of brainwashed human-hating soldiers - including child soldiers

with THAT out there, he’s probably being drugged and trained excessively to be physically strong in that case. so basically, he’s terrible academically, but he can Run, Jump, Pick Things Up, bc of all that. so he’s very good in gym

...ok i kind of sidetracked for his behavior, again he’s very withdrawn and seems eccentric. im...sorry for putting ocs with canon characters because i know ppl see that as cringy but,,, like i said before in the story post, he is a part of the infirmary staff and shuu supervises him (”supervises” is a loose term, like i also said there are cameras everywhere to watch him). my friend and i discussed that, on a hypothetical haru route, instead of hiyoko finding Anghel’s ID on the floor, she sees haru disposing of it because shuu told him to

god this is getting so long but omg...i need to finish Eventually so ill just. talk about another scenario

for context, hypothetically after BBL - which i still dont know his. again. hypothetical role there completely - he gets his collar removed and gets Help to reverse everything the hawk party did. yes its gonna take a long ass time. but hes my child i do what i want, he needs his happy ending (bc all the hypothetical routes and bbl scenario = sadness. spoiler alert he kills hiyoko in his route)

his absolute zero self...i want to draw it soon. there’s two versions, and idek the class yet but, as his first class, he’s a puppet being controlled by hands that float above him, and is connected by strings and the strings force him to fight the enemies, but his second class is him as the puppet master, and he controls his own abilities this time

hes...gonna get healthy ok...idc if it takes years hes my child and hes gonna b ok and at least slowly start speaking again aaHHHHHHH

im sorry this is so long i love him...this isnt even..ALL of it eyt sdfidsihosdff

#Anonymous #!! <3 #haru #oc #reply

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taekookismylifeline · 7 years ago

Text

(yoonseok) - trust my heart when it beats for you

ao3: (x)

Summary: Jung Hoseok has had an awkward Thing for Min Yoongi for four years of his school life. He is certain that the only thing that gets in the way of them and everlasting love is the fact that Min Yoongi doesn’t know he exists, but that all changes due to one drunken text message: a pick-up line. Ready to flee to another country under a false identity in mortification, he finds himself ruining their blossoming friendship and confessing when Yoongi asks why Hoseok had tried to flirt with him. However, things take a turn after his confession when Yoongi starts to (awkwardly) flirt back.

Pairings: Yoonseok, Taekook and Namjin

Chapters: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8), (9), (10), (11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16), (17), (18), (19), (20), (21), (22), (23), (24), (25), (26)

Chapter Twenty-Seven - what does it mean when i think of you and my heart is revived?

Jung Hoseok: yoongs

Min Yoongi: hey :)

Jung Hoseok: wow! An emoji! Jung Hoseok: i just wanted 2 say thanks 4 today Jung Hoseok: it was amazing Jung Hoseok: you were amazing

Min Yoongi: so were you Min Yoongi: there’s no need to thank me Min Yoongi: Am I not allowed to show my happiness? :(

Jung Hoseok: NO Jung Hoseok: I MEAN YES Jung Hoseok: yoongs ive been meaning to ask u something

Min Yoongi: yes? Min Yoongi: You can ask me anything

Jung Hoseok: when i called u baby Jung Hoseok: did u mind it? Jung Hoseok: i only realised I said it after everything Jung Hoseok: its only cuz we talked about kinks and u said it was weird Jung Hoseok: so im really sorry if i made u uncomfortable Jung Hoseok: i wont do it again Jung Hoseok: im sorry

Min Yoongi: Oh Min Yoongi: I didn’t think too much into it, I thought it was just a pet name Min Yoongi: I assume you mean the daddy kink Min Yoongi: So I guess you do have a daddy kink then?

Jung Hoseok: NO Jung Hoseok: well Jung Hoseok: idk Jung Hoseok: i just like being on top?? Jung Hoseok: i like it when you're submissive i guess

Min Yoongi: right Min Yoongi: Let’s talk through this, okay?

Jung Hoseok: if ure okay with it

Min Yoongi: it’s fine Min Yoongi: what do you mean you ‘don’t know’?

Jung Hoseok: idk

Min Yoongi: Very helpful

Jung Hoseok: AHHHH im sorry!!! Jung Hoseok: i just mean that i get why ppl think its weird Jung Hoseok: cuz of the whole ‘dad/dy’ thing Jung Hoseok: IM NOT INTO INCEST

Min Yoongi: Seok, I know that you don’t want to fuck your dad Min Yoongi: I know what the daddy kink is to an extent Min Yoongi: It’s not that weird to me, so don’t be embarrassed

Jung Hoseok: AAAAAA that made ME LAUGH BUT IT SHOULDNT HAVE!!!!!!! Jung Hoseok: thanks Yoongs :)

Min Yoongi: it’s fine, Seok Min Yoongi: tell me why you think you might have a daddy kink

Jung Hoseok: ok, ok, this is probs gonna be rambley so sorry Jung Hoseok: so

Jung Hoseok: I like being in control, like i like being assertive and knowing how to make someone feel good Jung Hoseok: i like watching someone feel good, i want to see how they react to what i do to them Jung Hoseok: i like giving pleasure and knowing how to do so Jung Hoseok: i like someone who gives into what i want and lets themselves feel good by my hand (or tongue or whatever) but also isn’t totally submissive Jung Hoseok: ive never really thought about kinks before but ??? idk being with u is making me think about sexy stuff and then idk Jung Hoseok: I think about u calling me daddy when i do stuff with u Jung Hoseok: i want to take care of u, to make u feel so good, to make u moan, to make u think of no one but me on top of you Jung Hoseok: it turns me on Jung Hoseok: you turn me on Jung Hoseok: sorry Jung Hoseok: this took a turn, sorry

Min Yoongi: no Min Yoongi: it’s fine Min Yoongi: I never knew you felt like that Min Yoongi: You probably have a daddy kink, Seok Min Yoongi: Or you’re just an assertive top, I guess Min Yoongi: I don’t really know that much about it

Jung Hoseok: oh Jung Hoseok: I might maybe do Jung Hoseok: yoongs Jung Hoseok: if i do, is this a problem? Jung Hoseok: obviously I won’t bring this onto you Jung Hoseok: i don’t want u to be uncomfortable Jung Hoseok: i’ll control myself Jung Hoseok: are you okay?

Min Yoongi: Seok

Jung Hoseok: yes??

Min Yoongi: today Min Yoongi: when you called me ‘baby’ Min Yoongi: I liked it

Jung Hoseok: kfge Jung Hoseok: iowohh Jung Hoseok: sirry Jung Hoseok: u think u liked it?

Min Yoongi: it’s okay Min Yoongi: I know I did Min Yoongi: I liked you being on top, you knew exactly where to touch and what to do Min Yoongi: I liked it when you looked at me, made me watch what you were doing Min Yoongi: I liked it when you called me baby

Jung Hoseok: oh Jung Hoseok: wow

Min Yoongi: yeah

Jung Hoseok: so Jung Hoseok: do you Jung Hoseok: maybe Jung Hoseok: have a daddy kink?

Min Yoongi: I don’t know Min Yoongi: I’ve never thought about it Min Yoongi: I don’t know if I have any kinks Min Yoongi: you’re the first person I’ve ever been with so I don’t know Min Yoongi: I just like it when you’re in control

Jung Hoseok: oh

Min Yoongi: Seok Min Yoongi: this doesn’t change anything, you know that, right? Min Yoongi: You can call me ‘baby’, I don’t mind

Jung Hoseok: thanks, yoongs Jung Hoseok: i don’t want to gross you out

Min Yoongi: you could never

Jung Hoseok: even though i swallowed????

Min Yoongi: wow Min Yoongi: yes, even though you swallowed Min Yoongi: Seok

Jung Hoseok: :) Jung Hoseok: yes yoongs??

Min Yoongi: when can you next come over?

Jung Hoseok: umm I think not next week but the week after? Jung Hoseok: why? Wanna go on our first date???

Min Yoongi: Oh, okay, cool Min Yoongi: I hadn’t even thought of that Min Yoongi: Yes, I’d like that Min Yoongi: very much

Jung Hoseok: yessssss!!!!!! Ill start planning it!!!

Min Yoongi: Thank you, Seok, I can’t wait

Jung Hoseok: no problem!!! :) Jung Hoseok: wdym u hadn’t thought of it? :( Jung Hoseok: why did u ask when i was free??

Min Yoongi: oh Min Yoongi: I want you Min Yoongi: when you described what you wanted to do to me and what you liked Min Yoongi: I got turned on Min Yoongi: I want you to touch me again Min Yoongi: but I can wait Min Yoongi: I’ll do anything for you

Jung Hoseok: yoongs Jung Hoseok: you’re making me hard just thinking about you Jung Hoseok: I touched myself when I went down on you Jung Hoseok: you tasted so good, you had a shower didnt you? Jung Hoseok: you look beautiful naked Jung Hoseok: you look beautiful clothed Jung Hoseok: I want you to touch yourself Jung Hoseok: I’m there with you, my hands on your body Jung Hoseok: you feel that?

Min Yoongi: yes Min Yoongi: yes i do Min Yoongi: what about you? Min Yoongi: I didn’t pay you back

Jung Hoseok: next time baby Jung Hoseok: you can dream of what ure going to do to me Jung Hoseok: I’ll dream of you Jung Hoseok: I always do Jung Hoseok: I love your voice, when you moan for me Jung Hoseok: are you moaning now? Jung Hoseok: you could be a singer with that voice Jung Hoseok: but I don’t want u to share it with anyone other than me Jung Hoseok: youre not replying but youre reading Jung Hoseok: I can imagine you, are you laid back on the same bed I touched you on today? Jung Hoseok: Imagine my hands on you baby, my mouth on your skin, marking you, making you mine Jung Hoseok: do you want that? Do you want everyone to know youre mine? Jung Hoseok: then say my name, don’t be embarrassed Jung Hoseok: im picturing u touching yourself Yoongi Jung Hoseok: I want to watch you do it Jung Hoseok: I want to help you Jung Hoseok: god look at what youre doing to me yoongs Jung Hoseok: you made me cum today without touching me and now you’ve got me hard Jung Hoseok: im thinking of u baby, thinking of your face when I touched u down there Jung Hoseok: u were so wet for me yoongs, it was so hard to hold back Jung Hoseok: im touching myself yoongs im thinking of you losing control Jung Hoseok: stroking yourself with your top ridden up your hair a mess Jung Hoseok: god I want to be there hearing the noises ure making Jung Hoseok: I should have stayed Jung Hoseok: yoongs I want u Jung Hoseok: so much Jung Hoseok: look at what ure making me do yoongs Jung Hoseok: I cant believe u thought id leave you Jung Hoseok: im nothing with you yoongs you mean everything to me Jung Hoseok: when you cum I want you to say my name Jung Hoseok: because you’re mine Jung Hoseok: not jinsoos not anyone elses but mine

Min Yoongi: I came Min Yoongi: just now

Jung Hoseok: I haven’t yet Jung Hoseok: yoongs Jung Hoseok: send a pic Jung Hoseok: I don’t care of what, anything will do as long as its u

Min Yoongi: it’s embarrassing Min Yoongi: but you helped me, so I’ll help you

Jung Hoseok: thank u Jung Hoseok: did u say my name?

Min Yoongi: yes Min Yoongi: I’m yours Min Yoongi: (picture attached) Min Yoongi: it’s embarrassing

Jung Hoseok: oh fuck Jung Hoseok: is that u right now baby? Jung Hoseok: lying there all messy Jung Hoseok: its not embarrassing its hot Jung Hoseok: youre so hot yoongs

Min Yoongi: you’re hotter Min Yoongi: do you want me to stay with you until you come?

Jung Hoseok: yh Jung Hoseok: say something Jung Hoseok: dirty Jung Hoseok: record it Jung Hoseok: please

Min Yoongi: (voice attachment) Min Yoongi: my voice is gross, sorry

Jung Hoseok: yoongs do u know how hot your deep voice is? Jung Hoseok: didn’t know you thought like that yoongs Jung Hoseok: I like it Jung Hoseok: im almost there

Min Yoongi: when you come, say my name Min Yoongi: you’re mine

Jung Hoseok: I am I am Jung Hoseok: id worship you Yoongi fuck look what ure doing to me Jung Hoseok: i came

Min Yoongi: you’re perfect, Seok Min Yoongi: I’ll be there next time Min Yoongi: I’ll pay you back

Jung Hoseok: yoongs youre too good to me Jung Hoseok: I feel icky Jung Hoseok: but really good

Min Yoongi: ‘icky’? Min Yoongi: so do I Min Yoongi: I’m going to clean up Min Yoongi: thank you, Seok

Jung Hoseok: it’s a valid word!! Jung Hoseok: same here Jung Hoseok: thank you, yoongs :) Jung Hoseok: yoongs

Min Yoongi: yes?

Jung Hoseok: why didn’t we call each other?

Min Yoongi: oh Min Yoongi: I forgot Min Yoongi: you were typing and I read it in your voice

Jung Hoseok: oh hahahaha Jung Hoseok: this way ull have it forever Jung Hoseok: so if im not there and ure lonely u can read it :)

Min Yoongi: gross

Jung Hoseok: im joking!!!!!! Jung Hoseok: I’ll always be here Jung Hoseok: anything for you yoongs Jung Hoseok: you know that right??

Min Yoongi: yeah Min Yoongi: yeah, I do Min Yoongi: thank you, Seok Min Yoongi: I’ll always be here for you, too

Sunday was fairly uneventful. Yoongi’s parents didn’t return until late at night, and his brother was still at college which left Yoongi to his own devices with no distraction from Hoseok to provide him with any real entertainment. He spent the majority of the day watching make-up tutorials and researching piano score sheets to practice on his own. It was refreshing to play again, he felt like he were a little kid whose biggest problem was that he didn’t like the fruit that his mum packed in his lunchbox. However, this time he tackled practice with a matured and more determined attitude, although he still may have cursed when his fingers slipped.

It was early Monday morning when he received a text from Jeongguk, Yoongi was just about to clamber onto the school bus. He headed towards his usual seat in the middle of the bus, and positioned himself next to the window before opening the message.

‘Tae said he wants to talk to me? he wants to meet after school at that western restaurant me and u used to go to. Do I say yes? He’s ignored me for over a week’.

Yoongi frowned in bewilderment. Taehyung was reaching out to Jeongguk after so long? What was the purpose behind it? He had the sudden urge to grill Hoseok but refrained from doing so as he knew that Hoseok would probably rather die than betray his friends’ secrets.

‘Ask him what he wants first. It’s weird he’s messaging you now’. Yoongi replied with and then eagerly awaited a response.

He didn’t have to wait too long. ‘Okay, i just did, and he said ‘to apologise’. Yoongs what do I do?’

Yoongi found himself at a loss, Taehyung wanted to say sorry for his behaviour which most likely required an explanation. Jeongguk had nothing to lose and everything to gain, from his perspective at least. ‘Agree to meet with him and demand an explanation.’

‘Ok ok ok I just did and he said he’ll tell me everything. I’m oddly nervous. He makes me so nervous I almost forgot holy shit.’

Yoongi guffawed and had to hide his laughter into his hand. ‘make sure you turn up then. And don’t worry, you probably do the same to him.’ It was a struggle not to correct ‘probably’ with ‘definitely’.

Jeongguk responded with a variety of emoji’s which Yoongi interpreted correctly to be satire. He smiled and shook his head at the younger boy’s attitude as the bus halted at the bus stop outside of the school. Yoongi remembered that he had agreed to meet Hoseok near the courts before the bell rang and his heart folded inside of his chest.

Everything that Hoseok had confessed to him on Saturday had been replaying on his mind consistently. His heart throbbed almost painfully with the fondness that Hoseok held for him. It was entirely overwhelming and completely staggering to be showered with adoration from a boy who was the definition of perfection itself. Yoongi wondered whether Hoseok knew how amazing he was, how much he occupied Yoongi’s mind and heart. Hoseok had re-kindled the spark of passion in him for music, a passion that he had let die, and had also aroused a ravenous hunger for Hoseok and his touches. Yoongi pondered whether Hoseok was aware just how much he meant to Yoongi - he wanted to show Hoseok, whether it be through words of through actions. Hoseok had re-birthed him into someone he was profusely happy to be.

Suddenly, inspiration cascaded over him, bleeding into his veins and feeding his heart. He had an idea to show Hoseok how much he meant to Yoongi, he would need time, though. And a lot of patience. But he was certain that he could do it, after all, Yoongi had told Hoseok the truth. That he would do anything for him.

“Hey, Yoongs!” Namjoon called him over to the courts when he was walking past the field where Jeongguk was playing football with a group of people in his year. Yoongi’s eyes drifted past Namjoon and focussed on the figure next to him. The same figure that had undressed him and had leant over him, causing him pleasure that was sapped from heaven itself and bestowed it onto him. Hoseok was watching him and Yoongi was fairly assured that Hoseok was thinking along the same lines as he was as he spied through the mesh fence that Hoseok had licked his lips whilst watching him.

Yoongi entered the gate to the courts and approached the two, removing his earphones from his ears and wrapping the wire around his phone. “Don’t be so loud in the morning, it’s not healthy.”

Namjoon simply smiled at him, raising a visible eyebrow over the frames of his glasses. “I think you just don’t want me to be happy.” Yoongi raised an eyebrow back at him as if to say, ‘you’re exactly right’. Namjoon laughed, nudged him with an elbow.

Yoongi returned a smile, his heart warm. He was over the moon that he and Namjoon had managed to restore their friendship ever since he and Hoseok had begun their relationship. He had confided in Namjoon first, not wanting to seem as though he were dragging Jeongguk’s face through the dirt by confessing that he was in a relationship whilst Jeongguk struggled with his situation involving Taehyung. After Yoongi admitted to having taken Namjoon’s advice, Namjoon’s face had broken into an unbelievably wide grin and had pulled Yoongi into a hug, congratulating him on his bravery.

Yoongi was significantly aware that Hoseok was watching he and Namjoon jousting. He could feel Hoseok’s eyes running over him and could hear Hoseok’s quiet intake of breath when Yoongi turned his head to look at him.

“Hey,” Yoongi greeted, a shy smile seeping onto his face when he heard how quiet his voice was and noticed how intense Hoseok’s gaze was.

“Hey,” Hoseok responded, his tone equally as soft but his smile wide and his eyes warm, latching onto Yoongi’s as the golden sunshine poured down on them.

Yoongi had almost forgotten that Namjoon was standing in their proximity. “I was just telling Hoseok about this weekend - Jin told me that he was going to meet up with Taehyung and Hoseok, and he asked if it would be alright for all of us to officially meet.” Namjoon smiled, but it was too distant to be directed at Yoongi. “He’s really interested in meeting you guys, he didn’t get to last year so he wants to make up for lost time.”

It was strange to see the cool, calm and collected Namjoon be so completely love-struck, but it was refreshing as well.

“It sounds great, Namjoon,” Hoseok said earnestly, ripping his eyes away from Yoongi’s long enough to direct his attention at the person he was talking to. “I honestly don’t mind it. It’s the first time we’ve all hung out, and I want to get to know Yoongi’s friends better.”

At Hoseok’s words a bright smile had flashed across Yoongi’s face which Namjoon caught instantly. Namjoon smiled back, a knowing glint in his eyes. “Thanks, Hoseok, that means a lot – and I’m sure it means a lot to Yoongs, here, as well.” Hoseok turned to Yoongi with a gleamingly bright grin, Yoongi turned his back slightly and made to observe the football game Jeongguk was partaking in that was playing out on the field. “Does anyone know if Jimin will be available?”

Yoongi caught Hoseok’s uncertain glance and he cast his eyes down at his shoes. “I haven’t heard from him. I think...” He paused, mentally deciding whether he was allowed to tell Namjoon the truth. He realised that Namjoon was Jimin’s friend too, and would definitely want to be in the know as to whether Jimin was alright. “I think he’s trying to sort himself out.”

Namjoon watched him carefully. “So, I take it that you’ve talked to him, then?”

Yoongi registered the slight hurt in his voice and words blundered around in his mind trying to shove themselves together to form an explanation.

“We both did,” Hoseok jumped to his aid. “We weren’t purposefully trying to leave you out – Jimin wanted to talk to Yoongi, probably to apologise about what had happened at the club, but I wanted to come with; I wanted to know why Jimin was avoiding all of us.” Namjoon nodded slowly, and Hoseok continued. “I’m sorry, I should have invited you – and Jeongguk, too. You’re both Jimin’s friends, you both deserve to know what’s going on. But, I don’t think me or Yoongs can tell you.”

Hoseok was standing close enough to touch, to cling onto his hand, but he refrained from doing so. His heart was jumping wildly inside of his chest as Hoseok had lent him support without him asking. Hoseok really did care about him, and although he very much appreciated Hoseok telling him so, it was rejuvenating to hear it through different means. Yoongi very badly wanted to do the same for Hoseok and he found some comfort in the fact that he already had an idea how to do so.

“‘Seok!” Someone was calling for Hoseok’s attention. The three turned towards the noise and found a rather frantic Taehyung on the opposite side of the fence, gesturing desperately for Hoseok to join him.

Hoseok waved back and yelled at him to ‘wait up’. He turned to them rather sheepishly. “Sorry,” he smiled weakly. “We should make a group chat? To talk about this weekend?”

“Oh, god,” Namjoon groaned and Yoongi snickered, getting at what he was insinuating. “This is going to get messy.”

Hoseok laughed in agreement. “Exactly! I can’t wait! I’ll make it tonight.” Yoongi’s hand received a familiar warmth. He looked to find Hoseok gazing at him, adoration woven into his smile. He squeezed Yoongi’s hand. “Talk to you in History.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathed out, his hand tightening around Hoseok’s before loosening his grip and allowing Hoseok to leave, his eyes never leaving Hoseok’s. “History...” He murmured faintly once Hoseok had quirked his lips into his signature enthused smile and waved goodbye before running out of the courts to meet Taehyung.

There was a brief silence before Namjoon guffawed and then let out a burst of laughter. Yoongi glared at him but couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. “What?” He demanded, struggling to keep down a laugh of his own.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Namjoon bluffed, his voice coming out in gasps before his laughter sobered. He shot Yoongi a sheepish glance. “It’s just I’ve never seen you so – so...”

“‘So’ what?” Yoongi challenged without threat, his smile imminent.

“So soft,” Namjoon finished, reaching to pinch at Yoongi’s cheeks. Yoongi tried to scowl but feared it came out in a grimace and moved away. “It’s adorable, really. The way he defended you was impeccable! He really likes you, Yoongs.”

Yoongi flushed. “I know. He told me.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows rose and impressive amount of centimetres. “Wow. I’m really glad you’re being open about your feelings. You said it back, right?”

“Of course!” Yoongi defended, and then pretended not to glow when the bell rang as it signalled two whole hours he would be spending with Hoseok.

“So, how far have you two gone?” Namjoon asked casually once the two exited the courts and was out of earshot of any potential eavesdroppers. Yoongi spluttered with shock, his face turning ruddy at the aptness of Namjoon’s questioning. How had Namjoon known?

Namjoon laughed again, poking Yoongi in the ribs. “You don’t have to tell me. It was just so obvious! The way he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, and the way you greeted each other like young lovers – I feel like I’m in a rom-com.”

Yoongi fell silent in mortification, thrown at Namjoon’s interpretation of the briefest of their actions. He was glad that Namjoon’s goal was to become a psychologist; that way Namjoon would be too busy reading other people to pay attention to him. Namjoon’s interpretations of others were no longer a thrill to listen to; they were becoming too accurate. Scarily accurate.

Yoongi hadn’t expected the school day to be that stressful but as he arrived back home with a stack of homework and the lectures from his teachers about applying to the right university, he resigned himself to sitting at his desk the whole night with stress surging through his system.

He had finished his Science homework and had begun researching universities, silently having a breakdown because what the fuck – he had to decide his whole future now? What did he even want to do with his life? Fortunately, his phone began buzzing persistently and distracted him from his existential crises. He checked the caller ID and was pleased to see it was Jeongguk – someone without the pressures of having to decide their fate in a span of a few months.

“Hey,” he answered, grateful for the distraction. A mutilated screech filled his eardrum and he gasped in pain, holding the phone away from his ear. “What the fuck?”

“YoongsIdiditIaskedTaehyungoutIcan’tbelieveIdidthat-”

“Whoa, whoa, what?” Yoongi tried to get Jeongguk to slow down. “Was that even a language? Did you meet up with Taehyung?”

A shuddery breath was breathed into his ear as he leant back on his chair. “Sorry, Yoongs. I kinda don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Start from the beginning,” Yoongi instructed. “Did you go and see Taehyung?”

Jeongguk, on the end of the line, must have collapsed onto a chair as there was a sound of furniture squeaking. “Yes, I did. I was thinking about it the whole day, and I had figured out what I was going to say and everything, but when I met him after school at the bus stop all of the words just – I didn’t know what to say.” Yoongi snorted and Jeongguk shushed him.

“He said that it was nice to talk to me again, and I realised that I had no idea what I was doing but it was okay because I was with him – does that make sense?” Yoongi felt a stirring in his heart as the image of Hoseok flashed across his mind, but he didn’t get a chance to agree as Jeongguk continued on. “So I said, ‘likewise’, and he laughed. Have you ever wanted to drown in someone’s laughter because it’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard?” Yet again, Jeongguk didn’t give Yoongi the opportunity to answer affirmatively as he swiftly carried on with his story.

“Tae was really nice from the outset, he paid for my bus ticket to town and he kept telling me stories about his family and stuff that his dog does. It was so calming just sitting there and listening to him, I could have sat there forever. He has this little smile when he remembers something funny, and then he would turn to me and that smile would get bigger and I wanted to kiss so badly him, Yoongs, but I couldn’t.” Yoongi smiled and didn’t dare interject; he knew that feeling all too well and had only first started to experience it a few weeks back.

“So, we get to town and we’re walking so close together – at one point I think he’s trying to hold my hand, but he’s trying to stop my phone from falling out of my pocket. And when we get to the restaurant he holds the door open for me, and I don’t think I’ve ever been in more pain, his smile was – was – ethereal.”

“Oh, nice word,” Yoongi commented, running his eyes over a prestigious university before clicking off the page. There was no way that he would ever acquire the grades to be accepted, he would have to aim lower.

“Thanks, Yoongs. Anyway, after we order he tells me that he’s been wanting to talk to me for a long time – and that he’s ‘really, really, really glad’ that we started talking in the first place, to which I agreed with – but he couldn’t talk for the last few weeks because he was ‘going through a situation’... He told me about Jimin, Yoongs.” Yoongi remained silent, unsure of what to say. “It’s okay, Yoongs, don’t feel bad. I know you couldn’t tell me. But Jimin told Tae that he could tell me, so Tae said that he barely talked to anyone because he was stressing about Jimin. That’s what he said anyway.” Jeongguk didn’t sound convinced.

“You don’t believe him?”

Jeongguk sighed and Yoongi’s phone shuddered at the plosive volume. “I don’t know. I’m not sure, it’s just when he was telling me he seemed... off? Like, there was something else he wasn’t saying. Anyway, he said that he was extremely sorry and that he would do whatever it took to restore what ‘we had’, if I was willing.” There was a note of tension in Jeongguk’s voice and Yoongi tensed in anticipation. “One of the things I noticed was that he didn’t say ‘friendship’ was the only thing we had between us, and I remembered when we went to that club and we were dancing – the waywe were dancing, it just didn’t... It didn’t feel platonic.”

Yoongi hummed in agreement, recalling a fragmented image of how Taehyung and Jeongguk had been practically wrapped around each other on the dance floor.

“So...” Jeongguk started and then let out a nervous bout of laughter. “So, I thought to myself: I want him, and right now I think he wants me, so what do I have to lose? Obviously, I was ignoring the soul-crushing fear of rejection.” Yoongi laughed loudly along with Jeongguk and then silenced himself, looking forward to hearing the continuation.

“I...” Jeongguk sounded hesitant, then he cleared his throat and Yoongi heard the squeak of a chair. “I asked him what sort of things he had in mind to make it up to me, and he said ‘anything’, so...” Yoongi awaited eagerly with baited breath. “I told him, ‘how about you let me take you on a date?”

Yoongi let out a low whistle and Jeongguk laughed into his ear. “I didn’t know you had lines, ‘Guk.”

“Oh, be quiet,” Jeongguk teased. “I haven’t got to the best bit, yet, so don’t interrupt!” Yoongi mock-tutted at Jeongguk’s attitude but abided by his request. “Right, so after I say that – and then wanted to die because that was probably one of the most cringe-y things I’ve ever said – he just looked at me for a solid five seconds before leaning in, and smirking, and he said, ‘how about we not wait and count this as our first date?’”

“Wow,” Yoongi drew out in disbelief, excitement bubbled within him as he imagined Jeongguk’s incredibility towards the whole situation. He was ecstatic that things seemed to be moving forwards between the two of them; they had been smitten for years.

“I know!” Jeongguk practically yelled, his voice breaking. “Somehow I managed not to faint and I said, ‘I’d like that’, and that I’d pay because he paid last time. And then he smiled, and we started talking about everything and anything, really." He paused. "Yoongs,” he started, his voice muffled.

“Yeah?” Yoongi answered, intrigued.

“He told me that Jimin moved back into his parents’ house after he met up with his mum. I think... I think it’s going well for him.” Happiness seeped into Jeongguk’s voice which caused the same emotion to fizz within Yoongi at the news.

“I’m glad to hear that. I was worried,” Yoongi admitted. “I’m really happy for you, ‘Guk, I’m glad that Taehyung feels the same.”

“Well, I don’t really know,” Jeongguk began, his voice hesitant. “We talked about our next date – which is this Sunday, the day after we meet up with Hoseok and all of his friends – but we didn’t talk about our feelings. I don’t know if he feels the same for certain.”

“Oh,” Yoongi floundered, his mind stuck. “Message him.”

“You said the same thing about Chunhei,” Jeongguk chuckled. Yoongi’s mind scampered to place the name with the person and remembered, Jeongguk’s ex-girlfriend. Oh. Right. “It’s impersonal. I’d rather do it in person, so I’ll try on Sunday.”

“Still, it’s something, isn’t it?” Yoongi offered to try and redeem himself. “He turned your meet up into a date and agreed to go on another one. Don’t think about it as getting your hopes up, and think confidently. He likes you, ‘Guk.” It was advice that he wished he could have believed in when Hoseok had first confessed his feelings to him, Yoongi had second-guessed every single one of his own actions when he had begun to like Hoseok back.

He didn’t need to see Jeongguk to know that he was smiling. “Thanks, Yoongs. You’re a good friend.”

Yoongi was sure that the warmth in his chest had nothing to do with the heat radiating from the radiator in his room. He felt extraordinarily blessed by every person he was surrounded by. Yoongi longed for a future where it could be so, him and Hoseok happy together, along with Namjoon, Seokjin, Jeongguk and Taehyung. It felt right. Like it was meant to be.

(Jung Hoseok formed a chat) (Jung Hoseok has invited you, Kim Taehyung, Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Jeon Jeongguk and Park Jimin to the chat.) (Jung Hoseok has named the chat: saturdays loser-fest)

Kim Seokjin: I’m not a loser :(

(Jung Hoseok has named the chat: saturdays cool-fest minus Jin cuz he’s a loser)

Kim Seokjin: we haven’t spoken in a month and this is how you treat me?

Jung Hoseok: maybe if u werent such a loser id be nicer :)

Kim Seokjin: It’s been a month and you haven’t learnt grammar. This makes me sad

Kim Namjoon: I can’t believe you ever held such grand expectations for him.

Kim Seokjin: I didn’t, I lied ;)

Jung Hoseok: GET A ROOM!!!!!!!!!! Jung Hoseok: and RUDE!!!! :(

Kim Seokjin: We were on our own chatROOM until you interrupted us!

Jung Hoseok: fine go back to it then i didnt wanna see u this saturday anyway :)

Kim Namjoon: I take personal offence.

Jung Hoseok: Namjoon pls stop with the fullstops it makes me nervous

Kim Namjoon: Why.?. Kim Namjoon: Does grammar offend you so badly?. Kim Namjoon: .

Jung Hoseok: i rate you the worst out of yoongs friends

Kim Namjoon: :(

Kim Seokjin: hey, back off of my man!

Jung Hoseok: thats not how young ppl talk

Kim Seokjin: Okay, now I remember why I didn’t talk to you for a month

Jung Hoseok: ????? why ever not im an angel :)

Min Yoongi: you’re really not

Kim Namjoon: ooooohh drama

Kim Seokjin: brb I’m getting popcorn

Jung Hoseok: u guys are officially the worst, u deserve each other Jung Hoseok: yoongs why are u being mean????? :(

Jeon Jeongguk: Hoseok, why can’t you type?

Kim Seokjin: OOOOH! SHOTS FIRED

Jung Hoseok: again thATS NOT HOW YOUNG PPL TALK!!!!!!!!!!!

Kim Seokjin: Joon, please hit him when you see him tomorrow

Kim Namjoon: Will do, I’ll defend your honour

Jeon Jeongguk: Just a warning for Joon, if you send any of your poetry on this group chat, I’m leaving

Jung Hoseok: POETRY????? JIN U DIDN’T TELL ME THIS Jung Hoseok: also don’t worry Jeongguk ill kick them out if they do

Kim Seokjin: It’s not my job to tell you every detail of our relationship, dear :)

Kim Namjoon: You just confirmed it on purpose, didn’t you?

Kim Seokjin: maybe :) Kim Seokin: maybe I want everyone to know how sweet my boyfriend is :)

Kim Namjoon: the amount of smiley-faces tells me otherwise, it tells me you want me to suffer.

Jung Hoseok: NAMJOON PLEASE STOP WITH THE STOPS Jung Hoseok: yoongs don’t think i cant see u lurking and not replying to my question: why am i not an angel????

Min Yoongi: I was just reading the messages

Jung Hoseok: did u see them all ganging up against me?????

Min Yoongi: yeah

Jung Hoseok: :)

Min Yoongi: I laughed

Jung Hoseok: :(

Kim Seokjin: PAWWWWNED

Jung Hoseok: i will kill you

Kim Namjoon: and I won’t stop him.

Kim Seokjin: Why is my boyfriend so mean?

Jung Hoseok: why is MY boyfriend so mean??????? :(

Jeon Jeongguk: wait, are you guys officially dating?

Min Yoongi: oh, shit, Guk, I’m sorry Min Yoongi: I didn’t tell you Min Yoongi: I’ll tell you why on private

Jung Hoseok: oops Jung Hoseok: did i fuck up???

Min Yoongi: No, Seok, don’t worry, it’s my fault Min Yoongi: I’ll be back soon

Jung Hoseok: ill miss u

Kim Seokjin: GET A ROOM!

Kim Namjoon: GET A ROOM!

Kim Seokjin: Joon, care to explain why you’re stealing my words?

Kim Namjoon: That freaked me out, too. Kim Namjoon: Maybe it’s because I know you so well?

Kim Taehyung: I come online to find everyone flirting, can I join in?

Kim Seokjin: No

Kim Taehyung: ...t a problem??? WOW THANKS! <3 Kim Taehyung: Seok you looked really nice today ;) Kim Taehyung: Jin I didnt see you but I assume you looked nice today ;)

Kim Seokjin: Is this how you flirt with that kid you told me about a year back? It’s disgusting

Jung Hoseok: Jin can u send us some poetry that Namjoon sent u Jung Hoseok: Namjoon do I have permission to call u Joon cuz we’re defo gonna be bonding after this

Kim Namjoon: Jin, if you do that I will break up with you. Kim Namjoon: You can, but that sounded very ominous.

Jung Hoseok: omfg no please dont break up Joon might write some sad poetry:(

Kim Namjoon: Any chance of us becoming close just crumbled away.

Jung Hoseok: im sorry!!!!!

Kim Taehyung: Seok, why dont you tell everyone that haiku you wrote about Yoongi in the fourth year?

Jung Hoseok: i fucking hate u Kim Taehyung

Kim Taehyung: thats a shame because I love you <33333

Kim Namjoon: Oh? You know what, Hoseok, you should share your haiku.

Jung Hoseok: JIGKW I HATE U ALL Jung Hoseok: u know what??? Fine, I will!!! Im not ashamed of it because I love Jung Hoseok: love it Jung Hoseok: I love the haiku because it’s nostalgic Jung Hoseok: and im not ashamed of it being about yoongs because yoongs is my bae

Kim Seokjin: That’s not how young people talk

Jung Hoseok: I curse you and your work-out routine

Kim Taehyung: omg, Seok do you still have it??

Jung Hoseok: should do Jung Hoseok: but heres the deal!!! Jung Hoseok: if I send the haiku, Jin sends one of the poems Joon wrote for him!!!

Kim Taehyung: oooOOH I love this!!!

Kim Namjoon: Jin. If you want me to come to yours on Sunday you will not give in.

Kim Seokjin: (Picture attachment) Kim Seokjin: Oops! My hand slipped!

Kim Namjoon: WHY.

Jung Hoseok: O H MY GODODODO Jung Hoseok: ARE U SEEING THIS TAE???

Kim Taehyung: sorry, I blacked out after, ‘you’re the only one, it’s you my heart has won’

Jung Hoseok: (Picture attachment) Jung Hoseok: ACTUAL PICTURE OF ME RN

Kim Taehyung: oh MY GOD, ARE YOU CRYING???

Jung Hoseok: OF LAUGHTER

Kim Taehyung: I’m so glad! I was gonna say if you liked this you’re so weird

Kim Seokjin: Oh? Really now?

Kim Taehyung: SHIT

Kim Namjoon: For the record, I wrote that a year ago.

Kim Taehyung: I’m sure you can do loads better now!

Jung Hoseok: omg tae are u trying to win Joons favour? JIN!! TAES TRYING TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!

Kim Seokjin: Put your hands up, Tae!

Kim Taehyung: NEVER! Kim Taehyung: while we’re here, the real question is: Jin, did you ever write poems back?

Jung Hoseok: there is silence Jung Hoseok: OJIGKN HE DID!!!

Min Yoongi: We’re back Min Yoongi: What’s going on?

Jung Hoseok: yoongs I missed u Jung Hoseok: SCROLL BACK UP OKRGLW

Min Yoongi: I missed you, too Min Yoongi: Okay

Kim Taehyung: holy shit, you two are married

Jeon Jeongguk: you two are so whipped

Jung Hoseok: whOA, the telepathy twins are here!!!!

Kim Taehyung: hey, ‘Guk :)

Jeon Jeongguk: hey, Tae

Jung Hoseok: is it just me OR IS IT GETTING STEAMY IN HERE

Kim Taehyung: Hoseok shut up.

Jung Hoseok: oh sorry

Kim Seokjin: Joon, you still are coming to mine this Sunday, right?

Kim Namjoon: It depends.

Kim Seokjin: On?

Kim Namjoon: Will you wear what I bought you?

Jung Hoseok: O EWIUFJKNK

Jeon Jeongguk: Is this kinky? I think it’s kinky

Kim Seokjin: Of course, I’ll wear it

Kim Namjoon: Then I’m all yours

Kim Seokjin: I’m yours

Jung Hoseok: WOW OH JEEZ PEOPLE WE HAVE MINORS HERE Jung Hoseok: Jeongguk look away!!!!

Kim Namjoon: It backfired, Hoseok. My poems worked.

Jung Hoseok: ?????

Kim Namjoon: Question, Hoseok: Did your haiku get you laid?

Jung Hoseok: O MY GODDDDOOODOD

Min Yoongi: it might

Jung Hoseok: YOONGS GET OFF THE CHAT NOW

Kim Seokjin: I think he’d rather get you off, Seok

Jung Hoseok: choke. Actually choke

Kim Namjoon: Oh, I’ve got that covered.

Kim Taehyung: I feel like I’m reading R 18 smut

Jeon Jeongguk: Am I watching porn right now?

Kim Taehyung: oh

Jeon Jeongguk: hi again

Kim Taehyung: we need to stop doing this hahaha :)

Jeon Jeongguk: We should, but I guess our minds are connected now hahaha

Jung Hoseok: IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE Jung Hoseok: YOONGS???

Min Yoongi: yes?

Kim Seokjin: Now your boyfriend’s here, Seok, I think it’s only fair you keep your part of the bargain and send your haiku :)

Kim Namjoon: God, I love you, babe.

Jung Hoseok: ok i think this its time that u two GO AWAY

Kim Namjoon: Never.

Min Yoongi: Seok, you should always keep your word

Kim Seokjin: Yoongi, I don’t know you very well, but I love you Kim Seokjin: [your picture is so cute, by the way, I can see why Seok likes you :)]

Jung Hoseok: ummm excuse me but stop flirting with my boyfriend!!!! Jung Hoseok: also yoongs is so much more than his beautiful appearance u loser

Min Yoongi: Thanks, Seokjin Min Yoongi: You were always the most handsome guy in your year, I remember that Min Yoongi: Also, Seok, trying to butter me up won’t change anything Min Yoongi: you owe me a three year old haiku

Kim Seokjin: aww, you know just what to say, thank you :)

Kim Taehyung: Seok, listen to your boyfriend and send it

Jeon Jeongguk: I agree, please do

Kim Namjoon: Do it. Kim Namjoon: Yoongs, make a threat.

Min Yoongi: If Seok doesn’t actually want to send it, he doesn’t have to Min Yoongi: I don’t want to make a threat

Jung Hoseok: SORRY IM BACK I FOUND IT Jung Hoseok: (Picture attachment) Jung Hoseok: aww yoongs its fine i want the people to see how much I love Jung Hoseok: love this haiku and the memories it brings :’)

Kim Taehyung: what the hell, Seok Kim Taehyung: I don’t remember it being this sweet??

Jeon Jeongguk: that was actually pretty good, Hoseok

Kim Seokjin: Jung Hoseok. You never told me about this talent! Kim Seokjin: It’s good, isn’t it, Joon?

Kim Namjoon: I’m Kim Namjoon: You

Kim Taehyung: SEOK! I THINK YOU BROKE NAMJOON!!

Jeon Jeongguk: Namjoon is currently malfunctioning Jeon Jeongguk: Okay, we need to stop saying the same thing

Kim Taehyung: hahahaha :)

Kim Namjoon: That was good. Kim Namjoon: I’m being serious, Seok – can I call you that? Kim Namjoon: That was three years ago and you liked Yoongs that much?

Jung Hoseok: wait what really all of u like it Jung Hoseok: ????? Jung Hoseok: ah sorry yes Joon you can call me Seok Jung Hoseok: i cant believe this oh wowooo

Min Yoongi: Hoseok

Jung Hoseok: oh god

Kim Taehyung: THE FINAL JUDGEMENT IS HERE PEOPLE

Jung Hoseok: hi yoongs Jung Hoseok: please don’t dump me im so sorry its so cringey and really weird

Min Yoongi: I love Min Yoongi: it Min Yoongi: your haiku was really good Min Yoongi: I’m really impressed Min Yoongi: I didn’t know you could write like that

Jung Hoseok: oh Jung Hoseok: you really liked it?? Jung Hoseok: that makes me so happy

Min Yoongi: I didn’t know you felt that strongly back then Min Yoongi: I don’t really know what to say Min Yoongi: I wish I could repay you

Kim Taehyung: Um Namjoon

Jeon Jeongguk: It looks like the haiku CAN get Hoseok laid

Kim Taehyung: ‘Guk I’m convinced that we were separated at birth

Kim Seokjin: I think that would be incest

Kim Namjoon: Maybe I should start writing haiku’s.

Kim Seokjin: You don’t need to do that to get laid, just say the word Kim Seokjin: Where’s Seok?

Kim Namjoon: You can’t just say things like that and expect to get away with it.

Jeon Jeongguk: this is getting kinky again

Jung Hoseok: Yoongs, you honestly don’t need to do anything in return, having you is enough already, I’ve got everything I’ve wanted for seven years and that’s never going to change. It means so much to me that you like my cringey haiku, it means so much to me that you care about my feelings when you said I didn’t have to send it. You mean so much to me, I want you to know that, Yoongs, and I can’t wait for our first date next Saturday, I really hope you’ll like it. And I was thinking that if you still wanted to, you could come to mine on the Sunday after the date? I’ll do something about my parents and my sister, so it’ll just be us. I want you in my room, Yoongs, I want you on my bed and I never want you to leave

Kim Taehyung: UM

Jung Hoseok: IWOPJWEK OH MY GOD Jung Hoseok: WRONG CHAT HOLY SHIT Jung Hoseok: I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO SEND THE SECOND PART OF THAT MESSAGE Jung Hoseok: TAE YOU SAVED MY LIFE

Kim Taehyung: there wasn’t much to save Kim Taehyung: I need to clean my eyes

Kim Seokjin: Joon, forget about the haiku’s and the dirty poems, can you write smut like Seok was about to?

Kim Namjoon: Why write it when I can do it to you, babe?

Jung Hoseok: I HATE YOU GUYS OMFG YOONGS IM SO SORRY Jung Hoseok: YOONGS CAN U EVER FORGIVE ME

Min Yoongi: Seok Min Yoongi: I just got your other message Min Yoongi: Go onto private Min Yoongi: Now

Jung Hoseok: oh god yes

Kim Taehyung: oh, that’s disgusting

Jeon Jeongguk: gross

Kim Seokjin: Joon

Kim Namjoon: Yes, baby?

Kim Seokjin: Private, now, please? :)

Kim Namjoon: Finally.

Jeon Jeongguk: is it just us left?

Kim Taehyung: And Jimin, but I don’t think he’s been using his phone

Jeon Jeongguk: Oh, I see Jeon Jeongguk: No one even talked about the time we’re supposed to be meeting up at

Kim Taehyung: They’re hopeless Kim Taehyung: It’s up to us! What time are you free?

Jeon Jeongguk: We should all go for lunch, so I’m free at 12 :)

Kim Taehyung: okay, 12 it is

Jeon Jeongguk: Are you definitely free then?

Kim Taehyung: I have this thing, but I can reschedule

Jeon Jeongguk: are you sure?

Kim Taehyung: yeah, definitely Kim Taehyung: if you’re coming then I definitely am not gonna miss it

Jeon Jeongguk: :) Jeon Jeongguk: are we still on for Sunday then?

Kim Taehyung: I wouldn’t miss it for the world <3

#yoonseok #yoonseok fic #yoonseok fanfic #yoonseok fanfiction #sope #sope fic #sope fanfic #sope fanfiction #taekook #taekook fanfic #taekook fic #taekook fanfiction #namjin #namjin fic #namjin fanfic #namjin fanfiction

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years ago

Text

K. I know alt stands for ASSITANT language teacher

But 2 things. 1) assitants fucking DO THINGS

2) the way they sell this job is like youre a teacher.

Constantly in this job i am treated like a clown.

And im gonna tag this and im probably gonna receive the same comments i get irl from rose tinted glassed ‘japanese people can do no wrong’ people

Thus far ive worked in 4 junior highs and 3 elementarys

Most of the teachers no matter where they are just seem so incompetent

Its no big deal that the teachers arent fluent in english - isnt that literally why alts are here??? So why don’t they ever take advice?!???

Im so fucking sick of being told how to speak my fucking language.

And not the ‘speak slower’ ‘speak simpler’ thats fine and ill accept criticism on my ability to communicate to people learning english as a second language. Not that.

Grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure - and what sounds natural

I hate the videos that are made for classrooms. And the fucking books

“A native speaker wrote it” - k no. Having worked here i know exactly how that went down. A japanese person wrote it, then went to either a business kiss ass ‘japan can do no wrong’ person. Or. Bullied someone into saying it was good by doing that annoying ass thing japanese people do

Where they ask the question over and over with “ok?” At the end. Cause they dont want an answer - they just wanna be told that theyre right or to do whatever they want. And they do not plan on receiving any answer besides “youre correct”

Its awkward cause ive literally been annoyed at my friend in the past for complaining about having a job where she does nothing and gets paid. Now i feel bad because i HATE going to work to sit and do nothing. But honestly - it has more to do with the fact that of all of my schools - only 1 has given me a nice place to sit.

Not a table that they store junk on and pretend to be surprised by me everytime im there like “oops sorry theres all this stuff (but like youre not a real person and we hate that youre here so just be happy we tolerate your existance and tell is your happy to have giant things all over your desk literally sticking in your face)”

Not the extra desk behind the printer that blows dust in my face as it goes off every 20 seconds

Not the desk under the aircon blowing on me/ in the corner next to the coldest window/door

Not a literal broken chair

Not a desk in the path of the class files where teachers have to constantly get to the spot directly behind me

And i was also that person thatd say ‘well if you dont like it - quit - theres plenty of people who WANT that job’

But like it fucking sucks. Cause i have experienced REALLY good teachers who actually team teach with you. I have had one school where i worked full time and got to see my students more than once a month - hence being able to actually get to know them and want them get better. I have been at a school with wonderful staff who welcome me into the school like im an actual person - not like ‘oh is today already the day we let the rat in the school to make the children smile again. Ugh.’

It fucking sucks. I linger on the hope of being able to work at a good school with good teachers full time

I cant find a better job because im a ‘beginner’ and corona

And im stuck getting treated like shit

I AM NOT a kiss ass. Never have been. It kills me to have to work with people who dont want me around

Most of the teachers i work with ARE NEVER PREPARED like wtf why??? Why dont you EVER plan ahead??? When im not prepared its because i have to wait to get instruction from you - you get to chose what you do

And they do basically nothing (not all like ive said ive worked with good teachers)

But most just

Read the book OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The students memorize the book passages - they have no clue about the context and if you ask them the same exact question but with a different subject like “do you have any shoes” instead of “do you have any bags” theyre lost. The teacher can get them to answer by saying the exact phrase from the book - but they dont know what theyre saying or how theyre actually answering. They just have it memorized

Then some teachers will have “conversation practice” where they take those exact sentences out if the book - put them together to form an awkward ‘conversation’ and then the students just read it.

Ooohhh look at them. Having a conversation!

Play fucking bingo.... why? They dont even make the students repeat the words for pronunciation practice - why the fuck do you play bingo everyday

Sing songs. UGHHHHH yea that could be fun if these 60 year old teachers would stop forcing shit from the 1940s on the teenage students. I cant decide if music too old for 30 year olds is worse or teachers who take japanese songs that have been translated into english is - lol you fucking hate english so much you cant find ONE english song to sing??? WHY are you teaching english?! - god forbid you let the students choose

Teachers who just give the students the day date and weather....??????????? Cool. Youve managed to ensure they cant come up with the simplest of fucking English questions on their own. Do you carry around those cards to look like you do a lot at your job when you dont? Oh yea probably

Because being in a school watching teachers is the way i learned that japan values looking busy over being productive. If you look stressed and busy all day - you are better than a person who got shit done but looked relaxed.

Why do you use the recordings when i am in the class?????????????????????????????????? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU APPARENTLY HAVE ME THERE

K and like i said. I have worked with good teachers. In their classes the students are better at english (hur hur funny how that works) those teachers encourage the students to talk with me. Those teachers let the students try to come up with answers and questions on their own. Those students try and ask the teacher when they dont know how to say something to help with translation.

The shit teachers on the other hand - will jump in and stop a student who looks excited to try and trying to figure out how to say something. What does this teach them? Dont try. Just stay silent - the japanese teacher will just talk in japanese again soon - no need to try.

Jumping off that. Students who are good at english or go to juku - will dumb themselves down in classes with shitty teachers. Theyve learned its not good to know more or even nearly as much english as the teacher - pretend you dont understand. Pretends you don’t know how to say things - itll make my stupid teacher feel good. So. If i try to talk or do anything in those classes, even the students who understand will stop trying.

Speaking of just going back to japanese. WHY IS MOST OF ENGLISH CLASS IN JAPNESE???? Most of the teahers will jump at ANY chance to switch back over into japanese. English is just sprinkled into the class. Then they pretend to wonder why the students dont try and why theyre bad at english

And things ive been told in the last year

Dont ever be upset about anything ever

Lol yea just that for one

K but dont ever be upset about teachers doing ANYTHING because theyre just so GOSH DARN BUSYYYYYYYYY

Lol like intially i thought that was why ASSISTANT was in my title. I THOUGHT we were supposed to make them less busy by helping out with planning and grading and blah blah

Nope cause

‘Oh offer to help them! BUT dont be upset when they decline because theyd have to explain to you ANYTHING and.....’

So. Im a child?! I cant be trusted to do anything without proper instruction

Well yea exactly cause

“Oh! Hes probably your babysister haha! Japanese people are so nice! They usually have one teacher look out for you and help you with stuff - besides the head teacher- lol theyre kinda like your babysitter!<3”

K. So like. I need a bachelors degree for this job. Let me say again I NEEDED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR THIS JOB. i had to move ACCROSS THE WORLD by myself. I have to ge able to fill out federal documents and find a house and pay my bills and follow foregn laws and figure out my way in a foregn country - but i need a BABYSITTER at work?!?!?!?? If im a minute late ill be docked an hours pay. If i do ANYTHING that slightly upsets ANYONE and japanese ppl are offended by EVERYTHING - i am liable for all reprucussions. But. I need a BABYSITTER.

Cant be trusted to be in a class alone (dont be offended its because your not a certified teacher) that would make sense except that YALL THROW ALTS IN WITH THE SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS ALL THE TIME - thats supposed to be an EXTRA certification on top of teaching. but Im too fucking stupid and untrustable to do anything with regular students alone, but because you dont like dealing with spefial needs - i can teach them alone.

You dont actually read their hw or check for correctness and most of their tests are just for fun it seems - but i cant be trusted to grade those either

You do the exact same lesson everyday and i only see each class once a month - but dont let me create any activity or lesson for them. Also dont tell me your plans until class is starting and then change it throughout the class and act surprised when idk what the fuck youre doing because you changed your mind while talking at them in japanese

Speaking of changing. I hate teachers who constantly change how they do shit. And again. Get annoyed at me when i cant follow their flow. Do i say hello first or do you? Are we even saying hello today? Am i asking how they are or are you? Are we letting them answer? Are we answering? Whose asking the day date and weather? Are we asking them for the day date and weather?? Whose saying goodbye? Are we saying goodbye? Which bingo version have you chosen today? Are they repeating the words? Yes? No? Am i saying each one twice? Do i have to spell out the fucking word today? Fast? Slow? What hell are you putting me through today

And when they ask me to take charge of an activity. But then change their mind. But then no no you go ahead please take charge. K no just kidding ill tell you and them what to do. Actually no you can keep going please be in control. K no too much english i wanna hear more japanese ill be in control - hey everyone thank the alt for doing that activity with you (me and the students look at each other visibly confused)

These teachers will ask me a question and no matter how i answer its wrong. I always answer shortly initially because... of course. But theyll tell me to GO ON!!! theyll keep doing that. So ill start answering questions with substance - then theyll cut me off - so i go back to answering shortly but NO! CONTINUE!!! im constantly caught confused exactly what they want me to say and now i barely ever tell stories to the students. I stare at the jte the whole time trying to guage by their face if i should keep talking or make it short. Its also awkward cause sometimes they jump in to translate and other times they want me to just keep talking in english with no translation. Regardless whatever way i choose is never correct and they always look at me like im an idiot

Yesterday a teacher did one of the things inhate that prompted this I WANNA WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS JOB

Hes a sub. Hes supposed to do the same lessson as the other teachers. He is NEVER prepared. And he does everything bad. So when he didnt have the stuff for the activity he said he wants the students to have conversations with me. GREAT! thats what im here for! Lets do it. So then he shows them videos he has of other students talking with an alt at another school for 5 minutes. Um.... k. Then we open the book to a page of 3 example convo starters. Except. Japanese teachers dont seem to understand that the book is meant to be EXAMPLES. he says ah like this but maybe change. Good ok! I think were on the right track. Lets read these examples and get to it. Nope. He has them have the example sentences with their partner saying its good practice.

No. Its not. Theyre just reading the book and then when they finish saying

“Do you know any good restaurants around here?”

“Yes i do! Theres a curry place over there”

“oh i love curry!”

Theyre not gonna make up more at the ......

Theyre just gonna talk in japanese about other shit.

Then he says ok lets have conversations. Finally

Nope.

He has the class repeat after him together as a unit to me “do you know any good restaurants around here?”

GFFEIWBAKDHWNDGDIEBS RAGEEEE

I said ive had convos in class before may i try like before

He feigns confusion

I ask a student “what kind of food do you like?”

She says sushi

“What kind of sushi”

The students in this class were excitable and chimed in each time.

This time (as usual because they dont know the fish names in english) She begins talking with the kids around her trying to figure out what the english word is for the sushi she likes

But the teacher jumps in and shuts it all down

Because the students are just way too shy to talk in front of the class. Their english is too bad. They cant.

Its extra aggrivating because the teachers at this school range from good to decent - except him. That was a second year class. The last time i was at this school the first years had a introduction 1 on 1 test - with me. And i was to ask them a question at the end. With the other 3 teachers when i asked the question if they didnt understand. I would try saying it in another way. If they still didnt understand - i would answer my question as an example. If they still didnt understand i would give them answers like

“What tv do you like” “do you like anime?” Wait for yes or no “do you like youtube” wait for yes or no (and so on)

If they still didnt understand (very few got here) the japnese teacher would translate the question)

And. If they still didnt understand. We would give them an answer and coax them into repeating after us.

If they didnt. Then they didnt get the point for answering the question.

This teacher. Him being the 4th teacher to do this test with me. Would IMMEDIATELY translate the question if the student didnt answer quickly after me asking it once and then talk to them in japanese and tell me their answer or make one up to me with something like “oh ahah they dont know when yet. So he doesnt know. Maybe he ate breakfast before school!” And then would shoo the student away and call in the next.

^^^ and this is how most teachers are

They sit during class. They play unrelated videos. They spend half the class acting like theyre too confused about their plan to even teach the class (but if i try to do ANYTHING like talk to a student while they sit in front of the class rummaging through their folder going ��うーん」「じゃ」「じゃあー」「そして」「それから」「えーとー」 theyll instruct SOMETHING or play some recording over and over) have i mentioned how they never seem to want to talk in english or listen to students talk in english in english class?? Most of the time theyre just having aside conversations about nonsense in japanese. They read everything themselves despite me being there - in a way where they really just wannt hear themselves talk in english.

Just in general. I hate when teachers talk about me in front of me and dont tell me what the fuck theyre saying. And it’s annoying when students ask them stuff in japanese about me and then the students look at me waiting for me to respond/the teacher to translate their question- but the jte doesnt translate. Or they ask a question that im not in charge of the answer for so even though i understood the question they asked the jte i cant answer them because its not my decision and the jte doesnt wanna look like the asshole that gives them an answer they dont like so they just dont respond so that i look like the dick whose ignoring the students

They do this with regular questions too. Sometimes i hear the whole question and understand. So when the students look to me and the jte goes silent - i answer - then the jte gets all out of sorts because 1) they wanted me to look like an asshole who doesnt wanna talk to the students 2) they deemed the questions not important and didnt want it answered 3)ew! The alt knows more japanese than i thought and she knows what im doing and thats a little embarrassing also what else have i said in front of her today that she might have understand - awkward 4) oh no if students know she understands some japanese they might ask her stuff and i wont be the only means of the alt and students communicating 5) that awk silence just showed the students that i didnt plan to translate something to her and i wanted to blame her and say she doesnt wanna answer that but now i was made a liar of

These arent personal queations btw. For example a student asked why does the guy in one peice eat a lollypop in the america version instead of smoke a cigarette?

This is an incomplete liste. Just. Honestly being an ALT is draining.

I feel like im at a restaurant again just waisting my life away waiting tables.

I actually really like english so being forced to listen to people who are supposed to teach it - purposely teach it wrong and force me to use it incorrectly hurts

I hate watching people suck at their jobs....and be rewarded for sucking at their job

I hate feeling like an outsider in my workplace.

I wanna feel like a real teacher.... not a clown

I hate doing something where nothing i say, do, or feel matters.

That last one. I hate that i can be treated like shit in my workplace AND get in trouble for not thanking people FOR treating me like shit. Not just take it. Take it with a smile!!!

I try to focus on the good things... but its just so damn hard cause ther far and few between and honestly i just wanna feel like im actually an educator to my students and like i can actually be a teacher with the ones who like me and come talk to me and stuff. But its not like i have have a teacher student relationship with them - i cant be part of their school activities. I cant go to their school events. I wont be at the school with them for more than a year.

Even at good schools when the teachers like that you talk with the students - i always feel this vibe of ‘keep it superficial’ dont become an adult they would trust. Its like you can feel them watching - ready to jump in when they think the student should stop petting the stray before they get fleas

I have a lot of teachers i remember fondly. Who id talk to when i saw them even when i didnt have their class anymore. Id tell kids in grades below me that they were lucky if they got them. When i hear about things happening at the school after i leave im happy to hear they got something good. Teachers who helped me understand something better or were just nice to the obvious loser in the class or made me laugh

I wanna be one of them....

Not the police man that came into school a couple times. Or the guy with the birds. Or the nice lunch lady who let you take food when you didnt have money and pay it back the next day.

I wanna be a teacher with a name.

Or at least. Do one of the only things im actually good at

So this job is unfulfilling

#alt

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wannasoftimagine · 7 years ago

Text

park woojin as your soulmate

imagine having woojin as ur soulmate where u have to stay within a certain distance of each other at all times

its kinda hard for u to tell wht ur soulmate key is

but once u find out it becomes Really obvious

everytime u try and move to certain places, its like theres an invisible wall stopping u

some days u cant even make it to ur mailbox, other days ure able to go as far as the next city

u figure tht u have to stay within a certain distance of ur soulmate

the only problem is u dont know what exactly the distance is

rip

whoever ur soulmate is tho, they certainly move around a lot bc the places ure able to visit change every week

it makes going to school a bit difficult sometimes

not tht u care

ANYWAYS

one day u find urself able to go further than uve ever really gone by urself before

so ure enjoying the newfound area with wide eyes when u hear an upbeat song blaring from around the corner

u follow it bc ure curious and the song is pretty catchy, so why not?

theres this crowd of people huddled around, cheering someone on

n normally ud prob just walk by, but uve never been here before and ure feeling rather adventurous, so u push ur way to the center

theres this guy dancing in the middle, flowing so seamlessly to the beat of the music that its almost unreal

ure entranced

(itd be hard not to be)

the song ends all too soon, and some of the ppl move on

a few of u stay, and ure more than happy to be one of the people patiently waiting for the next song to start up

u make eye contact with him once, and he flashes a quick smile that makes ur heart flutter in its chest

bc he literally? has the cutest smile tht uve ever seen

and even tho it was only for a second, ure pretty sure u saw a bit of a snaggletooth and that just makes it all the more adorable

needless to say, ure absolutely taken with him

eventually another song starts playing, and he starts dancing again

ur mind literally goes blank

like soulmate?? idk them all i know is the cute boy dancing

it goes like that for awhile- he dances, people cheer, u stay and watch and hope u can get a glimpse of another smile

a handful of songs later, and hes shuffling over to u

u freeze bc maybe ure standing on smthn ure not supposed to? mb he thinks its creepy tht uve been here for so long, and he wants u to leave?

nope

he manages to introduce himself, and u find that his name and voice r just as cute as the rest of him

another song starts back up again on his playlist

but this time, its a slower song

its still bright and upbeat tho, just not as much compared to his past music choices

and he reaches out a hand for u and gestures for u to join him

ure like?? no this is HIS THING im not gonna ruin it w my awkward dancing

bc lbr u cant dance nearly as well as he can

but he insists and even as ure worried tht ull chase all the spectators away

he twirls u around and catches u and both of u are laughing and hopping around like nothing else matters

and u feel on top of the world, so enraptured w woojin tht u dont even notice the crowd of ppl cheering on u two and how “cute” u guys are

the song ends as all good things do - way too soon

u make ur way back to ur spot in the crowd, embarrassed, but he keeps smiling and some of the strangers around u clap for u

more of them disperse, and woojin makes his way to u again to make small talk

of course, bc thats The Way Things Work, u end up asking him abt his soulmate key

its kinda awkward bc even tho its impossible, ure hoping woojin is ur soulmate

but what are the chances, right?

lol

he tells u that hes not rlly sure, but sometimes it’s like there’s a physical wall some places

and ure like.. thts cool its kinda the same for me

except for u, it happens all the time and woojin says his rarely happens

and hes looking at u like maybe MAYBE u guys r soulmates and its so unlikely but the more he has the glint in his eyes, the more u want to believe hes right

so hes like okay. this is gonna be weird but give me ur phone number super quick

and u do, and hes like stand there and dont move. ill be right back

and just SPRINTS OFF

u get a call like a minute later and u pick up to hear him wheezing in the phone “try to move around”

so u turn around and try walking and nothings out of the ordinary

but u hear woojin getting into a car on the other end and telling the driver to go as far away as possible

and ure like???? what is going on

but eventually u just. cant move any further

in fact, ure being pushed backwards, which is rlly weird and u yell all of this to woojin over the phone

n after a minute of scrambling and what u think is him thanking the driver, he tells u to try moving again

this time, ure able to take a few steps forward before u have to stop

u hear movement, and then he tells u to try one more time

u do, and u make it a few more steps

hes giggling into the phone and ure smiling bc wait a second

and he manages a “y/n, i think ure my soulmate”

and all u can say is “i think so too”

and its. so so cute and soft and he has to empty out his wallet to afford a ride back to where u are and it takes awhile but when he gets back, he picks u up and swings u around bc he can

u can tell hes still a little nervous around u, but ure still a little nervous around him too, and u kno its smthn tht will fade w time

later, he apologizes for moving around so much and making it harder for u to get places

u tell him its okay, bc now ure going to keep an eye on him so ure never too far apart

he cant look u in the eye bc hes shy and cant stop grinning but he manages a quiet “im glad i met u, soulmate”

and ure just as glad as he is

others: jisung | sungwoon | daniel | daehwi | more coming soon!

#requested #woojin #wanna one #wanna one imagine #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #wanna one scenario #park woojin #park woojin scenarios #woojin scenarios #park woojin imagine #woojin imagine #woojin imagines #soulmate #soulmates

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babyprime · 7 years ago

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Fallout !!!! For the ask meme

*longest ye boi ever*

Favorite character: im gonna have to go for ONE per game that ive played cause otherwise id just die probably? butch deloria, john hancock, and ten of spades. My Fuckening Boys.

Least Favorite character: i just do not goddamn care for that vulpes guy. i just dont fucking like him! everyone apparently thinks hes SO HOT but he annoys the shit out of me for some reason. ivehadenoughofthisdude.jpg i also feel this way abt maxson but i think they have something in common! ppl wanna fuck both of em for some reason so im constantly hearing about em to the point where its like Shut The Up

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): ive got like so many? butch/m!lone wanderer, nick/hancock, preston/hancock (which im convinced im the ONLY person on this earth to ship), m!courier/arcade, m!courier/ten of spades

Character I find most attractive: Daddy Valentine. and marcus. and preston. and hancock.

Character I would marry: preston garvey is the most marriage material in this franchise or any other

Character I would be best friends with: anyone who would let me make AWFUL kink jokes as my friends do and i feel in my heart that person would be deacon

A random thought: the first time i saw a feral ghoul in fo4 i literally got so scared i cried. like the graphics were TOO good and i wasnt expecting them to just GET UP like that even tho i knew they go dormant but it just startled me into tears. honestly my first feral encounter in any playthrough makes me jump but i just Did Not Like That

An unpopular opinion: i think its super unfair that the lone wanderer gets shit on if they dont willingly fucking die because theyre literally like 19 when a bunch of grown ass adults expect them to walk into a chamber of radiation for The Good Of The Capital or whatever. idk im not saying its not brave or noble or anything for them to do it but i didnt think it was fair for the ending narration to drag the hell out of them for getting scared and not being able to go through with it. i mean in general i dont think pretty much anything that happened regarding the lone wanderer was fair because their DAD started all that shit and they didnt ask to be born. they were raised in a fucking vault, they dont know shit about the wasteland and theyre like 21 at MOST at the end according to the canon timeline and everyones like “do this dangerous thing for us you actual goddamn teenager! we’re like 40 and lived here our whole lives but you can do it right!” and im sitting here like wtf i just left high school and if thats not a metaphor for real life idk what is

My canon OTP: technically me and preston garvey lmao

Non-canon OTP: please let m!lone wanderer and butch kiss im actually,,,, begging,,,,,,,, but also nick/hancock

Most badass character: well for 4 the obvious answer is hancock but as a companion i have to say preston fucking garvey and his god gun because regardless of what canon would imply as a COMPANION prestons never gotten hurt and sometimes ends up finishing fights before i even get there and hancock is a feeble old man with glass bones that needs 3 stimpacks an hour. in new vegas its like. boone TECHNICALLY but surprisingly arcade gannon is like lo key a goddamn beast bc u expect that shit from craig Eats Nails And Never Sleeps Or Smiles sniper copypasta come to life boone but when dr nerd takes out 3 raiders on his own before u even see them its like oh goddamn. but also grandpa bacon terrifies the absolute shit out of me. im not gonna fight him. he got set on fire thrown off a cliff and hes like 70 and i KNOW he could still destroy my whole ass if i got him mad so im not gonna try. idk what that man is made of but im p sure its 50% rage 50% jesus and i just dont want any part of it thanks

Pairing I am not a fan of: i dont like!! any pairing involving the legion! or maxson! im just tired of seeing them and i want them blacklisted from my life! but i also dont like m/f just in general as a personal pref, but esp with like…. legion/f!courier and shit. its got uncomfortable undertones. i dont like m/f!wanderer or m/f!courier or even m/f!sole when its an unnamed player character/intended self insert bc it makes me Dysphoric and feel skeeved out. but ill make an exception for garvey/f!sole if its my sole oc mags

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): theres so many characters that should have gotten more development but im p annoyed at how they like. HINT at pres stuff and then because of todd howard they dont go anywhere with it. im not exactly happy with in general how you dont rly get to talk to your companions that much. and then aside from that these games in general are notorious for giving u REALLY GOOD npcs that u can have 1 conversation with and then its like “ok now fuck off”. like ten of spades, bitter root, and jimmy in westside? like give them!! a sidequest or smthn!!! you cant just make me love a char and tell me to piss off!!!

Favourite friendship: betsy + ten and m!courier + veronica are wlw/mlm solidarity

#long post /#a very long post im sorry i love these games #ghastholes

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janzz · 6 years ago

Text

day 3: its 3:47am on day 4 and i forgot to write my daily post

really really really trying hard to make this a habit (just for april)

so fail but lol

here’s my post for today

i went to a yoga class tonight in santa clara and it was the yogi’s first time and she was so good omg!

not quite as good as my fave instructor of all time (the bae lauren at moxie yoga in sf)

but yeah kimberly at corepower santa clara square might make me a regular!

(which honestly is super great because i went to class with norma and it was awful LOL) (she played like hardcore edm at a chill class??) (to be fair it was also a level 2 class and i was struggling a little and kimberly’s class was a level 1....)

(oh i went to whole foods in the same plaza right after and ngl im starting to really enjoy just physically being in those fancy ass supermarkets. i went to a new to me nob hill after orangetheory surprisingly also in santa clara ----theyre just nice and clean and beautiful. however spending $45 to get way less stuff than a 99 ranch or something still feels way wrong. i got bananas cashew milk chia seed refill 18 brown eggs (anthony likes the brown ones idk) natural deodorant (cause native has been sucking hard) ginger tofu mushrooms orange juice fancy sprouted bread shredded cheese actually ok when i list that all out its a decent amount for whole foods. the stuff is just smaller yknow like the presliced white mushrooms were $1 for easily like 3 or so oz less)

anyway i find this funny because when i started dating anthony in 2015 he would go to nob hill markets and always claim it was his favorite market (because the chicken he would buy from there would never go bad etc). i thought he was like idk rich af -- to be fair he went to stanford 2x and has his masters and is 2 years older so yeah he is definitely more privileged than me. like i didnt have a preference for cage free brown eggs like i never had the money to spend the extra $1 or 2 on that shit when i was slaving at starbucks AND a second office job.

its really weird how money changes your life. its 2019 and i finally hit the 100k 6 figure mark. it’s honestly been a STRUGGLE to get here, but i’ve learned a lot along the way -- primarily that you HAVE to negotiate and generally just get paid more to improve your life. anyway yeah money doesn’t solve problems but it generally reduces your mental calories and makes things way more convenient.

before when i was poorer, i would have to go out of my way to make sure i was getting the cheapest shell gasoline in the area (still gotta have standards and not give into that arco bullshit). i would never go into whole foods or places like that because my dollar had to stretch further. whenever i would go out with friends before i’d have to be SUPER mindful of what i ordered and i would be EXTRA annoyed when you go out in a group and when splitting venmo people wouldnt pay the extra gratuity and i’d factor in me covering it because as a barista and server its bs when ppl dont tip well

now -- idgaf if i go out to eat a lot or splurge when im out w friends. dropping $50-$100 randomly cause something is on clearance at lululemon is not a big deal. im not anal about my boyfriend and i splitting everything exactly 5050 down the middle cause meh whatever i dont need to be given money back for like the minimal difference. if whole foods is convenient for me to go to after a workout ill go in without batting an eyelash.

it is weird tho being poor and then having money -- like ill go to lululemon but absolutely CANNOT buy anything full price. i still like watching movies but 99% of the time go on discount days cause spending $20 when i could spend $9 feels wrong. whenever i do basic things with my boyfriend, like going to the grocery store or mall, i’m most definitely the most cost conscious -- checking against the value per oz, whereas he just picks whatever and gives no thoughts to it (i think he makes like 240k a year thereabouts, definitely more than double but i dont know the specifics). i drive a 2015 toyota corolla le he drives a nicer but still affordable more luxury sedan hyundai sonata souped up with seat warmers navigation and he’s installed a dash cam and stuff. my car is definitely a commuter car that’s just one level up from the s basic model. when i htink about buying a new car i dont know if i could buy a lexus but yet i sometimes think about getting a tesla instead of a prius

another weird one is getting mad at myself for leaving reusable grocery bags LITERALLY in the trunk and then having to pay the $0.10 per bag. I’ve easily spent at least $15 on bags prob. Before i would be kicking myself hard cause i’d need to pinch pennies. another thing that ive noticed makes me feel “rich” is i can sustain my craft coffee/boba habit just fine and not give a fuck. before i got more mindful of it i htink my my coffee boba budget was like $100 a month. ive always loved craft coffee, but it has to be RIGHT if i was gonna spend $6. when i was living w my parents in san diego going to a new coffee shop and driving up to encinitas or whatever was like THE trip. now i get philz off my mobile app whenever i head out of class or if im feeling like it and its not that special

but yeah, im not rich by any means but it was huge to go from like $16 an hour at my office job/$15.70?? w/ benefits I think that was my starbucks shift supervisor rate/annual salaries of 20k ish to $39k at a law firm in downtown sac (grossly underpaid but at least rent was only $300 at a family friends) back to the law firm job up to $70k. there i got a raise at the same job from 70 to 80k and then 80k to 86.

THEN cause i was privileged enough to have been able to save money making more when i hated my job i just up and quit (i think i had like no more than 5k in savings at the time --it wouldve been more but i spent 3k on prk/lasik). anyway yeah i was lucky af and got a new job in a month -- and the offer for this job was 100k base, 10k bonus, some amount of stock (i still suck at this stuff) and a stupid amount of perks like $1000 gym reimbursement and basically free health insurance -- if i annualize all my pay+perks, assuming i get my full bonus, its prob like 120k.

so i have like 5x ed my income in 4 years since graduating from college.

the crazy part is people that were more privileged than me STARTED at 100k as new grads, including 401ks and what not. im lucky becuase i started mine back when i was 18 at starbucks.

income inequality and access to knowledge/resources has become something ive become more aware about and passionate about over time. me and my boyfriend clashed a lot earlier i think because we literally were in different planes of our lives and income levels. we’ve been together 3 years, but have known each other for 4. we broke up for 1 year in between -- and yeah ngl had i never improved myself or actually reached my income/earning potential we likely would not have gotten back together. additionally him supporting me when we got back together raised me out of not the poverty level but yeah we met and i made 39k. i took the plunge and moved out to sf for myself and lets be real for him too and made 70k which was a huge jump. and in a short 15 months or so i jumped again to 100k base.

im never gonna make as much as he does (men/women blah we can get into that) but yeah even having access to money adjacently is so powerful. anthony never outright gave me money and im too much of a hardass independent person that ive NEVER borrowed money from him, never intend to. i really vehemently despise the idea of free loading but because of him just being around yeah my life has been improved.

when we met in 2015 in our young 20s we were in our have fun phase. i was too poor to have gone to thiings like coachella or out to a concert. he got me into music and made it easy for me to experience because he’d buy the ticket, drinks, pick me up and pay for sf parking. i would likely get dinner ahead of time or something small and generally we would switch so if he got tickets one time i’d get them next. but he ALWAYS paid for drinks and lets be real the occasional not drinks :P he had introduced me to music in such a way that i was willing to drop $800 or so on coachella + car camping + take pto days even when we were broken up 10ish months or whatever it was the first time we dated but if you think about it he likely dropped at least 1k on me during those 10 months without batting an eye lash. i made 39k at the time working in downtown sacramento and he made 90k base (maybe 115k total comp) living in SF.

despite just basic things like me being immature for 23 -- a big reason i think we broke up at the time was the income level inequality. it was both our first jobs out of school (first job out of stanford grad for him, he immediately got his masters out of undergrad). i did a round of uc davis, community, uc davis.

he told me he was breaking up with me because when we met i had originally wanted to be a lawyer and then didnt end up pursuing that path and he saw it as a lack of ambition/drive. what he didnt see was general growing up and not having access to lawyers as i grew up, just me working at this really top tier A+ law firm and feeling out of place as an asian woman working with rich WASPs. me wearing pencil skirts and having major impostor syndrome. what he did end up seeing was an insecure version of myself in our relationship with me bending over backwards to make him happy.

when i moved to sf and made 70k it definitely was a huge ego boost to make that additional 30k, but to be real, here in sf and paying more rent than i was in sac and SD/just general living being expensive 70k wasnt that much. what it did for my confidence though was priceless (i was an ea to a ceo at a tech startup). i really grew into myself and was more confident in my abilities -- and honestly a lot of that was just getting older and knowing that i was good at things, bad at certain things and i wasnt going through my quarterlife/post grad crisis anymore.

then those raises to 80k and 86k made me more ballsy. these things were obvi practiced with anthony as i had a partner to discuss and practice with/an educated thought partner. at this time anthony was making $150k base or so (after realizing he had been grossly underpaid as a PM for the 90k initial salary)

all of this set me up to basically make my position what it is now AND for it to be 100k. tbh im a glorified low level coordinator at a big company. i honest to goodness for the first three months probably worked a total of 2ish hours a day? this role should probably max out at 90k. and by max out i mean this role likely shouldve started at 75k with incremental raises to get to 90 in like 3 years. i STARTED at 100 and can likely if i play my cards right be promoted to a program manager in a year (or less). that’ll prob bump me to a base of 120 or so if i’m aggressive.

i always shitted on sf when i moved here because i hate the tech bros, the elitist ppl, the vcs who think theyre out here changing the world but seriously being surrounded by people that went to ivy leagues or the UC’s that were better than mine have honestly, like my boyfriend, just uplifted my status. something as small as casual lunch time conversation being more intellectual makes a huge difference for me re: how stimulated i feel and how much more energized ive become because of ppl around me. i def still have impostor syndrome all the time but its been so much growth from 23 to 27.

30s should be great because ill be well into my career by then and making even more and closing the gap even more w my boyfriend. its funny too cause hes 29 now AND FINALLY getting that postgrad quarter life crisis. his privilege was able to offset him to have this crisis later on in life where he made more money and could make smarter choices. privilege really is the thing that keeps on giving and im grateful to have started poor and really appreciate it. as i make more money i also care more and more to give back. if i ever do run for office in my 50s or whatever im gonna push for more access to education and arts. i had an interest in this as an undergrad but couldnt pursue it because itd be a lifetime of poverty, but yeah who knows.

dang this went long but it is really interesting when i think about money and how much its effected me. im lucky i was able to raise myself out of the level my immigrant parents brought me and my sister to. them moving out of the philippines was the best thing that ever happened to me. the second is them fronting the bill for my university education. the privilege i have is extremely special and important and i want to honor their sacrifices because im sitting on a 100k because of decades of hard work and frugality on their ends.

im fucking lucky.

we gotta pass on the resources and uplift those around us if we are fortunate.

...another rant altogether but i wish the leadership in the United States thought the same way.

(end: 4:36am, why do i do this to myself)

0 notes

celestialallstars · 5 years ago

Text

Episode #9: “Beggars can't be choosers and I'm already on my knees” - Jack

Ok well never mind Drew just got booted which NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT??? Like if Matt had gone it'd have been one thing because I would've heard at least the name of the person who actually went, people might've been honest for once. But noooooooo let's create this Drew concoction and once again leave Jack out of a vote! I mean, would I have voted Drew out? I don't know, probably not. But still it's the principle. Was I kept safe? Yes, but another ally and former Cyrena left. My numbers keep dwindling and I am scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

So this round I want Mitch gone. I don't trust him too much, as I know he isn't as close to Bryce as I am. Which scares me cause Bryce is my ally right now. I know me and Mitch are in this 8 person alliance, but that shit means NOTHING to me. As I never said i wanted to be in it. So Ya FUCK THAT. Time for me to push mitch this round.

Drew is out but I decided to be honest about it with Michael. Ill talk with Chloe today and try and do some chatting with Jack too but beside that I usve hope for a few tribals wooo! Or maybe its time to die, we'll see ha

I’m already over this game and it’s final fucking 12. I shouldn’t have played I should’ve just hosted this is all my worst orgs on fucking steroids because everyone’s too busy fetishizing this anti-Cyrena agenda. I don’t care if it’s not a thing, there’s no reason to target Matt and I and leave us out of votes when we have 0 agency and are literally 2 votes up for grabs. But nobody gives a flying fuck about logical gameplay and like fine, be a moron, and have fun getting blindsided at 9th when all the easy votes are gone and you were too busy standing around with your dick in your hand to put yourself in a better position. Fuck this season and fuck this cast

Today's to do list:

Call Jared Yell at Jared Tell Jared he's not beating his Wakea placement Hang up Win immunity Cry myself to sleep

________________________________________________________________

"yikes, you’ve been shot!" is a common theme for me this season

Watching the immunity was pretty telling I'd say, as random as it was. Having it said, it's been down to Loris, Zach, and Bryce for hours now. THE smart thing is to give Bryce immunity and up his threat level, but alas we gotta get a show out of it lol.

So uh.... forget everything I said about Jared I guess because he wants to work with me? Lmao. Idk man like, can I really trust anyone besides Michael and Matt at this point? Not really, but Jared is the ONLY other person to legitimately give me a lifeline here (I don't count Mitch/Chris or any of the BS Zach/Bryce are giving me) so I have to take it, find some footing, figure out if I can actually get through this early merge here. I'm keeping my head down unlike my past games and I'm letting the game come to me. Beggars can't be choosers and I'm already on my knees

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I FOUND AN IDOL!! I cant say I thought this would happen but I am so happy that it did! I just hope I can do right by this immunity idol! I got help out of Stephen so I am just so thankful for that!!

________________________________________________________________

So I have this feeling things are not going to go the way I wish so. Rhys is gathering troops to get Mitch out and he's already gone to Bryce who told me and Zach, and Jared. How does he have numbers? BECAUSE HE HAS FLIPPED. We might as well should've had Kori in the chats because both have said the same thing as far as contributions go

________________________________________________________________

Now I am in a pickle, not knowing if Jared/Bryce/Zach all want to flip after they wnet on a call together. Its a little concerning not gonna lie. What makes this worse is that like we are putting ourselves in a position where we HAVE to do play certain way. I dont want to be 6-5 I want to have cushion and Rhys is doing exactly what I figured he would be doing just early. I need to figure out exactly how willing the others are for this before its too late

So last tribal was a little bit of a rough one and the day after wasn’t too great either I just felt drained the entire day but I didn’t sign up for all stars to lose after being blindsided I came to win and I need to do whatever I can to get that fighting spirit back. I’m not out of this yet and hopefully the relationships I’ve built plus the killshot results mean that we can get a nice little blindside going.

What’s the German word for when people ask you if you’ve heard anything about the vote knowing full well you haven’t been privy to any information all merge?

________________________________________________________________

Bryce telling me Mitch’s name??? 8.5 hours before tribal??? You really do love to see it. Michael told me Jared told him Mitch as well, so I’ll probably hear from Jared soon. This is beautiful stuff I could give less of a fuck about Mitch going. Everything’s coming up Millhouse!

These bitches are conspiring against me.

So, Rhys has been feeling antsy and decided he wants to flip on our 8. Tbh it's probably a smart move for him since he's the least incorporated of the 8 and would likely get 8th if my understanding of the situation is anything to go by. Soooo I can't exactly blame him, but, that's not all.

Bryce is ALSO wanting to flip. It seems so early for a well-connected member of the alliance to want to do something like that, so I imagine it's because he wants to play the middle between this group and the 4 outside of it. Rhys and Bryce may have leaked the alliance already, and, if they did that, then they also probably leaked how everyone was pretending Matt was the target at the last vote.

This group seems to be planning to vote Mitch out tonight, which isssssss bad. Very bad. Especially bad for me since he is one of my closest allies.

Chris found an idol, though, and I'm really hoping we can save it for late-game. There's still a chance this vote can turn around though. That's what I'm hoping for.

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IM BEING DUMB IDK WHAT TO DO UGH I WANT MITCH OUT HTIS ISNT SMART THIS ISNT LIKE ITS NOT I KNOW THAT BUT IM DOING IT ANYWAY THIS IS A MISTAKE I KNOW IT IS JFAKDHK BUT IDK HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME BC I THINK PPL SAY IM A THREAT AND I CAN ONLY PLAY UTR SNAKE NOT THIS WHOLE KUMBAYAH THING PPL GOT GOING ON

hi. so . after I almost win immunity after it was given to bryce when hes already won immunity in another social challenge, now bryce wants to vote mitch because ‘he Doesn’t like him’. I don’t know who the votes going to be and I rlly like Mitch so like I’m gonna pray and try to make sure it’s not him :( Fuck bryce

Okay... so. This round has been quite a lot, and I am going to try to explain it piece by piece because I have probably played more game in this round than I have the rest of the game combined.

Rhys told me that he wants to flip, and then Bryce told me that Zach also wants to flip (along with himself) against Mitch. I did not want to deal so I went to sleep.

I called Zach the same night and tried to gauge how much trust he has in me by admitting that Rhys wants to flip, and seeing how he would react towards me. He played very coy which is very... Zach.

Bryce told me that he went to Chris about flipping and that Chris shut it down, so I quickly went and leaked to Chris and showed my disinterest in flipping. I made a plan to call Zach and Bryce and try to convince them that this was the wrong move. (Keep in mind this was all the same night, after the immunity results.) I thought I made up some ground and pointed them in the direction of targeting Michael, but I would soon realize that they were just placating me. The call ended with Zach saying that he wanted to get Stephen's thoughts in the morning.

Come the morning, I hatch this crackhead plan to get Mitch the merge idol. According to Stephen from the night before, we were only 11 steps away from the end of the bridge. At 9 AM Bryce quickly searches and says "IT APPEARS WHATEVER WAS ONCE HERE IS GONE AHHH" (I was using my 3 person alliance to get myself or Bryce the idol, not knowing that I would regret doing that.) Being that Bryce said the exact line as if something were missing, I thought there were a couple possible scenarios: 1. He straight up lied. 2. Stephen actually got to the end of the bridge the night before. 3. The night before after everyone had guessed, Bryce took the numbers to a 3rd party (Zach) so they could get the idol.

So that plan was dead. I then considered, "what if I give Mitch my idol?" I quickly realized I would probably regret that in a few rounds.

I spent the rest of today formulating a plan to position myself in everyone's good graces no matter what the outcome of the vote is. I told Rhys I would help him recruit the minority to vote Mitch. I messaged all of them about the vote, and then I came clean with Chloe on call saying that "even though the vote is Mitch, we should be aware that it aligns with Bryce and Zach's agenda and they threw your name." I then communicated to Chris, Loris, and Stephen what Rhys said and my distaste for flipping.

You may wonder where the sudden distrust for Bryce came from. Well, Chris told me that Loris said "Bryce had this planned before immunity (voting for Mitch)." I'm thinking Bryce probably just used me to get to Zach but still wants us to be the F3. My interests don't seem to be aligning with theirs.

With that being said I will likely be voting for Mitch tonight. RIP to the brodie, you deserved better. I will try my best to put off using my challenge advantage and my idol for as long as possible, and I will be trying to play both sides between the Zach/Bryce duo and Chris.

So I’m finally in danger of going (love that). I’m praying someone doesn’t have an idol because I feel like the rehidden one has been found. It’s between me and matt but if I stay which I think is likely, I have to do a better job communicating. I think that’s what got me in this position in the first place. If this is my last confessional I really hope jared Stephen or Chris wins. They are all playing solid games and I will be cheering them on from the sideline

jared thinks hes so funny calling zach but not me like. all i demand from allies is complete loyalty and that they talk to no one else. is that asking too much???

________________________________________________________________

Mitch is voted out 6-5-1. He becomes the 1st member of our jury!

Watch his exit interview below:

youtube

#episode #shinebright

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qtlitoang3l · 7 years ago

Text

2018 .

another year down .. it went by very fast didnt it ? time is going by even faster .

2017 was a year full of roller coasters .. a lot of ups , but equally as many downs . i usually reflect my year in Dec/Jan so here it goes . January: I started school again . BIG step , considering i was out for 2 years before then . i remember how excited yet nervous i was . im so glad i did it . It was also the month that my good friend from high school , Brandon , told me that he was getting deployed (he’s in the army) in Feb . i was scared , but all i could do was pray for him to come back home alive . he came back home last month (Dec 2017) safe and sound . i thanked God for watching over him . unfortunately , a few days later , my dad got a heart attack .. now THAT was the scariest moment of my life . i still remember that day very clearly . it haunts me every time . ill never forget the sight of my dad holding his chest , sliding down the couch , and grabbed my hand for his life , grasping for breathe . after 3 days being in the hospital , he was discharged with meds and a new plan for his diet . my mom was by herself at work so my siblings and i had to go out to help while my dad was in the hospital . i knew how scared she gets when shes by herself . my dad and i werent on good terms for a year until this moment happened . i guess we both realized that life is so short and that anything could happen in a second . more importantly , im so glad he’s okay til this day . On a happier note , that was also the month that i purchased my first firearm ! so bad ass right ? The beginning of the year was rough , but it got better ! February: Had dinner with Brandon and Aimee b4 he got deployed . Again , i prayed for his safety . I went to a concert (william singe and alex aiono) , which was so fun . Not much happened that month . Had a valentine’s day dinner with the girls and with an old friend .

March: this month was important because thats when i found that my sister was having a boy!! amazing news right ? and i could finally be an aunt ! I also watched the Lion King on broadway . i think thats a pretty cool thing to mention , right ? it was such a good show !

April: Finals month ... ugh . also my bday month .. didnt do anything cuz all my finals were on the week of my bday . Got my car fixed that month too after that bad car accident . ugh . May: went to a friend’s dowry , did my first 5K bubble run , went to a house warming party , picked up my mom from her 2 week vacation . she deserved it . Did i mention it was the first semester that i start a nursing course ? nerve-wracking!!

June: My sister’s baby shower . SO FUN ! i decorated everything and bought this beautiful cake . everything was obviously blue :) i also remember having A LOT of exams back to back . not fun at all .

July: My nephew was born .. it was the best day ever . it changed my life . i am an auntie !! he made everyone so happy and everyone was so happy to see him . it was nice to see my whole family together and happy . I also went to a really fun wedding that month .

August: After a brutal semester and final , I WENT TO LA !! its been forever since ive been on vacation !! i prefer to go with friends , but i went with my siblings . ups and down on that trip and wouldnt wanna travel again with them unless my parents were there . lesson learned and long story . still have pictures that i havent posted from that trip !

September: went to birthday dinners , a wedding , apartment warmings , a “bachelor” party (lol) and started school again . This was also the month that one of the doctors at DH passed away from breast cancer . it was a very gloomy time for my coworkers . i wasnt at work when everyone found out , but ive heard about it . everyone didnt want to work . the atmosphere completely changed . I went to her funeral , but only the beginning part . instead of being sad , we celebrated her life as a doctor and her passion for her career . it was a sad time and the world lost such a talented person . RIP Dr. Stanfield. at the end of the month my friend dan got married at city hall , which was everything he wanted . didnt have to spend a lot of money at all ! October: My friend threw a huge house party for his birthday . parties are not like they use to be . but because most of the ppl there were older , there wasnt much drinking or playing games , which was the sucky part . no one really wanted to do anything . not sure why , but it is what it is . Also did a photoshoot that month , which i havent done in a long time . forgot how much fun it was .

November: Ughhhh drama month out of all the other months , only because this girl is totally obsessed with her ex and hes literally the only thing she talks about . basically we went to the club and she KNEW he was gonna be there yet she decided to come with us . okay . she sees him , starts freaking out , gets all dramatic like “OMG he totally saw me” type of dramatic . it actually went as far as “i could get him kicked out RIGHT NOW if i wanted . i KNOW the bouncers here , dont test me” yeup .. DRAMA . it was entertaining at the same time . my mistake was that she could handle herself . no , she was totally sloppy and even fell.. in front of her ex .. nbd -.- GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER . i stopped hanging out with her .. i couldnt handle it the negative vibes . she came to the thanksgiving party the week after and of course she brought that weekend back and started venting about how she saw her ex and shit . i honestly didnt care . Anyways , thanksgiving with the sister’s in laws was alright . there was some questionable food that i had no idea what the mom was cooking though .. it was some weird things .

December: went to a holiday party , met and saw some friends . it was a good time ! that was also the month that i thought i was gonna fail but ended up passing in the end . THANK GOD . the whole week after the final , i literally went out every day to go drink . you can tell how much stress i was under . lol . i noticed that i was getting a cough , so i cooled down on the drinking after that week . figured i should take care of myself right ? i watched a cirque du soleil show . fantastic as usual . My friend duy asked me to part of this pageant because there was not enough girls .. hmm ... well i didnt wanna just compete because there werent a lot of girls .. so he sat me down and literally gave me a power point show as to why i should join . LOL . i appreciated the time and effort , so id do it for a friend in need . it’ll be fun ! maybe not intense as miss massachusetts but it’ll be a good experience . a big accomplishment that month was when i went snowboarding for the first time in my life !! omg it was so much more fun that i thought it was ! i was hesitant to go because my student that passed away from a snowboarding accident (RIP) , but i couldnt be afraid forever .. it was for him :)

And nooow .. we are in January !! crazy how much has happened in a year .. my resolution this year , besides spending time with my brother , is be more carefree and not care what other ppl think . i think i need to focus on being happy instead of trying to please others . i was told by someone .. that i should be myself more and ppl will see how fun/funny i am . haha , maybe i should ! i will def try . ive kept my guard up for a long time around a lot of ppl and i know ill regret it 50 years from now when im old . im gonna wish i was myself more .

as for you .. yes you .. you know exactly who you are .. i left a section specifically for you . its been a while .. a long while actually . you may or may not still read my .. “journal” .. i might just be writing this for no one to read and now one will ever see , but i guess ill never know . and its okay . even though youre not here anymore and you may not ever be anymore , im living my life the best way that i can , going through life like i never knew you . has it been hard ? yes . am i forgetting our memories ? .. i might have .. i mightve even forgotten what you look like . i dont go on your social media and you are prob doing the same . i think of you from time and time , but not in the way that you think . in a way that i hope you are doing well and only sending you positive vibes . i still pray for you and ask you to be watched over . anyways . i know youre mad .. and i understand . you’ll always have a hold of me .. but eventually .. i have to let that go .. or at least i have to learn how to . i miss our friendship , but i guess if i care about you that much .. i cant be selfish anymore . and i promise that after this , i wont be writing about you anymore .. it’ll all just disappear eventually .. my wish to you is to find happiness . i hope you can promise me that .. take care of yourself .

0 notes

justintimbershit · 7 years ago

Note

1-116

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m confused as to why this is double spaced. i don’t want it to be double spaced, yet its double spaced. why? fuck off.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

occassionally but not on a regular basis which is tragic

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

no. thats fun.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

i trust too easily but i shouldn’t and it bothers me but like, when it matters i don’t trust that easily. i don’t think.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

sitting in bed thinking i should sleep and then not sleeping for a couple hours bc I’m annoying as fuuuuuUUuuuuUuuck

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

molly and lex definitely lol

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

probably cry forever and die

8: Are you close with your dad?

not really but its fine

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

i didn't

10: What are you listening to?

jennifer talk like always when I’m doing these questions

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

probably just water so then i can add flavoring #hacks

12: Do you like hickeys?

yes they’re nice

13: What time do you go to bed?

whenever the fuck i want I’m an adult, but usually not before midnight ever

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

nacho boy. this bitch. like u bought me nachos. then told me u wish u were buying me nachos. and then u tell me u wanna not talk bc ur talking to another girl. how many times can u fuckin say we’ll hang out then cancel on me then tell me i look hot then tell me ur busy for the rest of ur life then tell me u want me then ignore me and let our snap streak die. fuck YOU.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

not as quickly but i can still do it

16: Do you always answer your texts?

usually always yes. unless I’m ignoring u. but even then ill answer eventually.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

ummMmmMm idk who i fell hardest for tbh. but chances are yes bc i hate everyone

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

im one of those ppl who constantly has to talk to her friends so like…5 seconds ago lol

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

JOEY!!!! THE LOML!!!! he picked me up last time i saw him despite him being literally half my weight. i love him. he could never make me sad. he’s one of my safe spots. always happy in his arms.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

ummmmm i was waiting for a boy to message me back so probably about him tbh

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

there is not………that i can see

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

justin timberlake would say yes so i say yes

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

no. i am 75634728930% happier now than i was four months ago. i love college. but I’m still not happy. just happier. ya KNOW

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

ye i don’t know if things are necessarily broken but they def need fixing but also I’m not gonna try if they’re not gonna try YA FEEL

25: In the past week, have you cried?

yes. i cried over a dog.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

white.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

my teachers used to but not really anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

umm the love of my life on tinder is potentially ignoring me or is maybe just really busy i don’t know but i love him and want him to message me back. also, nacho boy like always but iM OVER IT.

29: Do you have a best friend?

id say i have many

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

no. lol

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

mary was my last text and my mother my last call

32: Are you mad at anyone?

everyone tbh. i hate people. I’m mad at everyone forever.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yes like…..4 hours ago

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

35: How many more days until your birthday?

ONE MONTH EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

lmao tf no i don’t even have plans for tomorrow

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

yes joseph and peter r cool

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

i do not really think so, but who tf knows

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i do not really think so?

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

not that i recall. i mean like now looking back, yes, obviously. but at the time no.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

to an extent yes but also to an extent no

42: Are you available?

not emotionally but physically

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

like………i don’t even know if my feelings are real. don’t fucking ask me this. bye.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

nips

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

i think so, if its the right kind of exes ya but shits never gonna work if there r still feelings

46: Do you regret anything?

yes, being born

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

how fuckin TIRED I AM I WANNA DIE

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

indeed i have, my dude

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

i wouldn’t say so

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

bc hes involved w Satan (the girl not the devil) and i cant deal w that right now

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

no he has not

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

ummmm we haven’t talked since he dropped me off but he may text me tomorrow but I’m not about to text him first

53: What was the last thing you ate?

restaurant style tortilla chips made w 7 seeds and grains

54: Did you get any compliments today?

i think so. if the boy i had sex w didn’t compliment me i shouldn’t have had sex w him. I’m sure he said something

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

i don’t even know if I’m going on a next vacation

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

i do not think so, which is tragic

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

girls currently

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

illinois all my life which is LAME

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

friday when my mom picked me up from school and drove me home 3 hours

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

yes in like 7th grade lol but not since i do not believe

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

i don’t think so?

62: Who do you text the most?

ummm this is a great question. maybe mary or ola.

63: What was the last movie you saw?

i watched zootopia yesterday. i think it was yesterday. idk but i think that was the last movie i saw. unless I’m going crazy. wait jk i watched the beginning of mr. woodcock tonight but didn’t finish it

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

i don’t have a current boyfriend/girlfriend

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

zero

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

no he is not U ALREADY ASKED THIS

67: Do you curse around your parents?

nope they’d kill me i think

68: Are you happy with where you live?

i suppose. it could be better but it could also be much worse

69: Picture of yourself?

imagine a pile of shit inside a trash can filled w trash….thats me

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

i like monogamy if its w a good person ya know.

71: Have you ever been dumped?

i do not believe so because i don’t recall ever being in a relationship

72: What do you most like about making out?

when they stop making out w u and kiss ur neck

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

yes, thats what all my make out sessions r like. I’ve never seriously been involved w anyone ever

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

1000% other person bc I’m a PUSSY

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

smile but also like…abs. fuck me up

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

either alex or sam

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

that has indeed happened lmao.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

that has thankfully not happened.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

when boys call me baby :))))))) and flirts w me :))))))))) i love attention and boys being nice to me

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

ummm. depends what ‘involved with’ means. fuck? yes. date? no.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

no bc nobody has ever had a crush on me lol

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

i tell my friends and i have a decent amount of friends.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

my last sweetie does not exist, sweetie. jeez get off my fuckin case bro.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

probs never. i don’t ever recall slow dancing w anyone

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

that was never a thing that happened.

86: How can I win your heart?

PUPPIES and soft blankets and FOOOOD

87: What is your astrological sign?

sagittarius

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

nothing much different from what i was doing at 11pm last night

89: Do you cook?

i do not :(

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

no bc i have no old flame

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

kinda, ya. :(

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

ummm. i don’t wanna fall into a relationship too quick but also if i like someone i wanna date them ya know

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

nice hair, nice smile, nice body

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

1. a smoothie

2. a boy to cuddle me to sleep rn

3. medicine to cure my brain

4. money

95: Are you a player?

i wouldn’t consider myself to be

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

according to the definition of a day being 24 hours i believe yes but according to my definition of a day being from when you wake up to when you go to sleep no.

97: Are you a tease?

I’ve been called a tease but i don’t think i permanently am. i just looked hot and had to get attention from a boy

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

i don’t think so???

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

yes. justin timberlake

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

probs

101: Hugs or Kisses?

hugs

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

yes 100%

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

smile

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

YES

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

um id probs talk to them about it but tell them i wouldn’t if they were still in a relationship regardless ya know

106: Do you flirt a lot?

i try but i fail a lot

107: Your last kiss?

like 4 hours ago w a boy named colin

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

yes

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

yes

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

justin timberlake or brandon saad

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

i have a solid idea

112: Does someone like you currently?

i think so yes. possibly multiple guys yike

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

i do and it HURTS

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

id like to be in a relationship but everyone i want to be in a relationship w makes it impossible to do so

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

yes. i have, thank u v much

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

ive never been in. a relationship so i don’t have anything to compare it to.

#questions

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