#its not like ill need to write much actual content for that beyond a couple references but

[floorpancakes]

had some thoughts about my semi-oc ideas for the in universe parody of xxxholic (and a few other series) that one of the heart render protagonists will be into and i went back and forth on the hair situation w the doumeki expy (the douwata equivalent r yuri for funsies) and despite being a huge fan of mirroring imagery and giving every character from fictional media or OCs that one bob style i was like nah. yasuho would still have super short hair i can't imagine a super feminine doumeki expy even if the character would be a girl i also considered a himecut ojou type but i just wasn't feeling ANY resemblance at all and the whole point is i can riff and meme on some of that so why would i divert so far and yeah my tired brain was just like no 💛

[colourful-void]

alright closing umineko for the night!! i had a great time with it so far!! i really like the writing style, and for the most part its actually a lot less dense than i was expecting. I thought it might be some house of leaves stuff but no this is pretty easy to read, at least so far! im rlly glad for that like it doesn't feel too simple, not too complicated, its good!

current character thoughts run down, though i've barely started so i dont know much yet: ginzo: he sucks he totally sucks and im convinced that he made some kidna deal w/ beatrice in order to take advantage of the earthquake and war and such. not entirely convinced hes not about to just murder the whole family bcs he seems like he would do that. krauss: also sucks. just a real dick, but in like. he's a standard asshole really. natsuhi: much in the same vien, but she's got that matriach of the family thing going on i hope will b explored more <3 jessica: she's neat i like her! looking forward to more on her. Eva: i was digging for her a while and then i saw how she treated shannon and it went out the window hideyoshi: ive yet to expirence a thought on this man George: he's very tropey in a good way and i enjoy he's friendly guy swag. looking forward to it inevitably falling to pieces rudolf: DICK!! kyrie: girl leave your husband. i can treat u better <3, im glad she has some decency but my mind aint set on her yet battler: HES SO CRINGEEEE <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 sometimes he does genuinely offput me but mostly he's just stupid <3 rosa: be a bit nicer to ur daughter, but beyond that shes chill i think. no big thoughts here. i do like her dynamic in relation to the rest of the siblings so far maria: MARIA MY DARLING MY DEAREST SHES SO SWEET AND SILLY AND CLEARLY OMINOUS I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT DARK MAGICS OVERTAKE HER OR WHATEVER <333 maria for whatever the fuck she wants 2024 love her so much no crazy thoughts on the head butler or doctor but i think in a different world the butler and ginzo had crazy gay sex shannon: shes soooo sweetie <3 suspiciously so this game wants me to like her so bad and i do <3. i am aware of one key spoilery fact about shannon uncovered in some content warnings i recieved, but its kinda fun seeing the set up for that! everyone be nicer to my girl kanon: hes suspcious but overly so and i wonder what his deal is. i also think all the servants need to be treated better this fucking furnature stuff <3 its awful i love it narratively gohda: i think he would kill someone with very little hesitation. i wanna try that panna cotta. kumasawa: shes like a grandma to me <333 i like her!!

i havent met beatrice yet but im looking forward to it she looks super neat.

i also apperciate how slow burn this is, a few hours in and very little has happened yet it's nice. there's already a lot building but like. nothing big yet it's nice. i like it. it feels like it's moving at exactly the pace it wants to and i enjoy it a lot. the sound design is also rlly good. the music is really nice a couple times i got distracted and just listened to it in the bg. the sfx r nice too.

i do not regret my sprite choice i like these designs they're fun, but i do think maria looks a little off for her alleged age of 9, but it's easy to ignore after a min or two.ironically when i was loading the game and saw her on the steam page it def aligned better, but at the cost battler to my eyes is now yassified. he cant be a pretty boy to me he's too lame.

voice acting is great everyones putting fucking everyting into it and i enjoy that. fully commited to the enviroment and its great.

where i left off: everyone just finished having lunch! kumasawa covered for shannon not knowing the red sauce's ingredients. that's all for now! not sure when ill paly more, probably tomorrow, but its been good!! good game so far i like this setg up!! im also eagar to get more into the murder and violence and witch stuff but like, it does a good joib of setting up the characters so i dont feel impatient, and unlike a lot of games w/ murder n mystery that get right into it i kinda find it refreshing how slow this one is to start its like we all know itll get there so the tension of everyone being relatively calm is great.

anyway, umineko day 1: it was good =D

[steelycunt]

ridi ridi hiiii !!! how are youuu how was yr dayyy i started mine off by rereading yr otiofad ficc did you know every sentence in it is a masterpiece did you know every word is like worthy of an auditoriumesque applause now yk i wanted to ask you to talk about that particular bit tho (if you wouldn't mind ofc !!) where sirius slams the book shut on an insect bc it's sooo like it's sooo !! it reads like premonition and also like r can't help but be wary of s and s can't help but be just like capable of harm regardless of intention & carelessly and i think it's sooo genius I think yr soooo genius for that and if you have more to say abt what that bit meant to youu + process of writing it + foreshadowing you wanted to get across w it etc. etc. i would be vv interested to hear <333 mwah love you loads xx

hello my lovely omg!!! my day was GOOD actually surprisingly good i am recovering from my illnesses and i played badminton and ate tangerines it was a very content day!! how was yours!! also warning you now in advance i wrote way too long a reply to this. like WAY too long NOBODY needed this im so sorry!! the very final paragraph provides like a little tl;dr you DO NOT need to read the essay that is under the cut!! im so sorry!!

okay firstly the idea that someone would not only read one of my little stories but read it more than once?? crazy actually!! insane!! so glad that it could be a part of ur morning n i would love to talk abt it!! hang on opening it in a new tab rn let me remember what it was i actually wrote huh lol

firstly with the flashback scenes in otiofad in general they had to serve two different purposes. they obviously needed to show the intense love and intimacy between the boys prior to The Incident, in order to juxtapose the post-prank scenes and serve as a marker for measuring the size of the rift in their relationship that its caused (which is why theres lots of kissing and cuddling and cloying monologues in the flashback scenes), but at the same time they had to demonstrate the little parts of their relationship which are a little bit fucked! a little bit unhealthy and obsessive. and they had to portray sirius as a person who has the capacity to do what he ends up doing. i didnt want to accidentally work against myself by over-idealizing their relationship to the point where it became difficult to believe sirius could be so thoughtless as to do what he does. like if ive just made you read fifteen hundred words of him being the Best Boyfriend Ever and then switch to him begging forgiveness for an attempted murder, his character becomes a little disjointed, and i really wanted it to feel like you're consistently reading the same people, just in very different circumstances. so the flashbacks very much needed to stress their intensity rather than their health as a couple.

im definitely roaming beyond the parameters of your question (but i promise it all circles back xx) but some of the sort of. i dont want to say red flag as much as cause for concern moments that i tried to include especially in the flashbacks include for instance: [Sirius says that sort of thing often, and with a confidence that Remus cannot ever fathom. Good god, how he would like to ask Sirius, them or me, that or me, and never fear the answer.] in the first scene, because i think remus' low self-esteem and his insecurity definitely affects their relationship + how he perceives it, which isn't anyone's fault as much as it is just them being young and imperfect like. theyre like sixteen here nobody had it together when they were sixteen right :-/ you have sirius utterly utterly obsessed with being in love with remus declaring that he doesnt want anything else from life and he's. sixteen years old. he's got no idea. like its that sort of rashness and impulsivity when he's speaking and acting which ends up fucking him over :-/

TO GET BACK to the bit you actually asked about (im so sorry for how long this is <3) the part where he closes the book on the spider. i mean honestly ur interpretation in the ask is pretty spot on!! its another one of the little stitches in the flashback scenes that sort of...slightly changes/sobers/brings the tone back down the reality a little, after theyve spent most of the scene cuddling and kissing etc. i'd already sort of tried (and i want to emphasise try at every point in this answer sfdghsh because i am not necessarily claiming that any of this was necessarily successful lol) to show sirius' capacity for being rash and obsessive, and the spider moment was just this tiny act of unnecessary, arguably cruel? violence that was meant to be jarring against the very over-sweet and gentle affection he's just shown remus. and although theyre acts of violence on such different scales, he gives just as much thought to sending snape to the willow as he does to squashing the spider. one of the things about sirius that i love soooo much is his relationship with violence and the way his anger translates into violence and cruelty (which remus mentions in the final scene when he says “You’ve got to stop being the kind of person who hurts people when they’re angry.”). its why hes SO fun to write angry because his anger is so distinctive lol. so the spider moment is just meant to serve as a little reminder of this random, mindless aggression that sirius carries around with him and that exists in tandem with all the affection we've seen him show remus, who starts in surprise when sirius slams the book shut. (i'll let u in on a super little fun (or not) fact that in my head when i was writing it i always drew a little parallel between the twitching insect leg thats left on the page and the similarly uncomfortable sensation of the eyelash that remus feels scratching his own eye immediately afterwards. thats not necessarily meant to come across n i expect it doesnt because i didnt develope the idea...at all...but in my head they were always a little linked teehee like even sirius' smallest acts of violence still have an effect on remus somehow xx)

but yeah!! apologies i didnt think this would be such a long explanation for a simple question fbhsdfhs im very embarrassed by this but like!! in short the spider was another little jarring moment designed to tether the version of sirius you get in the flashback to the version you get in the post-prank scenes, because ultimately he's the same guy with the same flaws both before and after the prank!! there was no reason for him to kill the spider like that and thats why hes so fucked. it was just his instinctive response to seeing it there.

[shijiujun]

Time for some BL/Danmei novel recs! 

You guys have probably (maybe) seen my novels list here - [X] - but it’s more for my own tracking than anything else, so here’s a brief list (I’ll probably do full ones of the ones I really love in another post, probably on Minmo).

The ones elaborated on below with the asterisks are the novels I’ve actually finished reading.

*since everyone more or less knows MXTX’s works - TGCF, MDZS and SVSSS, I’ll skip those!

1. SCI 迷案集 | SCI Mystery Series by 耳雅*

Summary: Bai Yutang and Zhan Zhao are childhood friends and rivals that end up working together under the newly established SCI unit as co-leads, with Bai Yutang providing the brawn as Captain and Zhan Zhao the brains as Vice Captain and the team’s resident genius psychologist. They solve cases together and slowly unravel a wider conspiracy that involves their parents’ generation and beyond. At the same time they also realize that they’re meant for each other!

Other CPs: Bai Jintang (Bai Yutang’s older brother) & the medical examiner, Gongsun Ce, Bai Chi (Bai Yutang’s younger cousin) & magician Zhao Zhen, and at least three other gay pairings, one of which is considered another main couple of sorts from Vol. 2 onwards

Status: Incomplete (Began in 2010, author is still going on strong with one chapter every one or two months, we’re halfway through Vol. 5 right now and it’s been 10 years ;-; Love that the author is going on strong!! Everyone on JJWXC are like “please author it’s okay if you go slow as long as you keep going we’re here for you” and jfc I understand the fear of this not completing, also when will Vol. 5 be completed and printed?!! I need to complete the collection)

Translations: Unfortunately, only the first volume has been translated well so far on novel updates. The one on Wattpad seems to have caught up, but I would not recommend that one.

Drama/Live-Action: Season 1 was filmed and released in 2018 under the same name with slightly changed names for the characters. Season 2 was supposed to start filming this month but... oh well. First season basically covered Vol. 1 novel from start to end.

*I love this one only because it was my very first danmei and so it’ll forever have a special place in my heart, and also because it’s still ongoing so ya know, I relive how much I love this every month

2. 成化十四年 | Cheng Hua’s Fourteenth Year (The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty) by 梦溪石*

Summary: Tang Fan, a prefectural judge, and Sui Zhou, a high ranking officer in the Embroidered Uniform Guards, meet while trying to solve a murder case. Both of them end up partnering very well together, Sui Zhou ends up inviting Tang Fan to live with him, and the rest is history. Through their days living together and solving cases + a larger conspiracy involving the royal palace, they fall in love. Adding to this mix is also Wang Zhi, a powerful, young eunuch who befriends the pair, and the three of them basically help the crown prince to overcome challenges and his enemies to become the next Emperor

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: Ongoing on several websites. I’m only translating relationship highlights, but here’s an introduction post I did for it, if you guys would like somewhere to start without getting too invested - [X]

Drama/Live-Action: The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty was released earlier this year, directed by Jackie Chan and starring Darren Chen and Paul Fu, but cases are a little different and there are new characters in the show that weren’t from the novel etc.

3. 杀破狼 | Shapolang by Priest*

Summary: Set in a steampunk universe where flying boats named ‘kites’ and flying armour exist. Young teenager Chang Geng lives with his mother and stepfather - the former abuses him and the latter neglects him, and the only person that he cares about (and cares about him) is Shen Shiliu, his (very young) godfather. He realizes his identity as a royal prince when the Man tribe invades his city and Shen Shiliu, whose real name is Gu Yun, turns out to be an army general whose duty was to protect Chang Geng in secret (among other things). 

Chang Geng has been critically poisoned by his mother (who’s not actually his birth mother, if I recall she’s an aunt) which leads to him getting terrible dreams frequently with the end result of him being driven into insanity, while Gu Yun is half blind, half deaf due to poisoning + injury when he was much younger, and he can only regain his hearing and sight fully when he takes a medicine that is slowly losing its effectiveness with every dosage he has.

The both of them navigate learning about each other again, falling in love a few years later when Chang Geng is all grown up and also unravel conspiracies and fight bad guys (both external threats and internal as in the current Emperor and other parties) XD

*Note: The age old debate is that Gu Yun ‘preyed’ on and also ‘groomed’ Chang Geng, but I disagree and stand by the fact that Gu Yun was 90% of the time not around while Chang Geng grew from a teenager to a young adult as he was fighting wars elsewhere, while Chang Geng refused to stay at the Gu manor and insisted on running around, travelling on his own and seeing the world for a few years before they met again. And it was Chang Geng who’d always loved Gu Yun and devoted himself to caring about him, making advances on him etc. when he became an adult

Other CPs: Shen Yi (Gu Yun’s second-in-command) & Chen Qingxu (a renowned physician who ends up healing both Chang Geng and Gu Yun of their ailments) 

Status: Complete!

Translations: Fully translated the last I heard, it’s up there in the list of holy grail BL/danmei novels, so I’m sure it’s done hahaha.

Drama/Live-Action: Filming in progress!

*This is up there in the hall of fame for danmei novels for more than just the amazing content and writing - It’s also famous for being one of the most complex novels ever. I don’t know how the translations team did it because DAMN it was complex and I read all my novels in Chinese without much issues but I was honestly STRUGGLING WITH this one and I went through some existential crisis while reading because I was like ‘did I ever learn Chinese, am I even Chinese’ XD

4. 默读 | Silent Reading by Priest*

Summary: Luo Wenzhou, a police captain, and his team including best friend and partner Tao Ran, face a few challenging cases that end up being small parts of a larger conspiracy, and end up having to consult with Fei Du, a flamboyant, charming and flirty, young and rich CEO, who Luo Wenzhou describes as someone who is an expert at ‘crimes’. Not deduction, not solving crimes, but someone who is familiar with how the murderer or culprits would commit crimes. Both Luo Wenzhou and Tao Ran know Fei Du well, because they first met when Fei Du was in high school, when he called the police because his mother had hanged herself in the house, and since then Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou look out for him, spending holidays with him, giving him presents here and there. Luo Wenzhou and Fei Du overcome their misunderstandings of each other and fall in love while solving all the cases and the larger conspiracy behind it.

Other CPs: Tao Ran and someone he knew first from his school days or was a neighbour when he was younger, I can’t remember, but they meet again at a blind date and end up living in the same building on different floors XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: Complete!! There’s a huge post floating around on Tumblr with all the links (I can’t find it right now) and on Twitter you can also find the collated, epub versions etc.

Drama/Live-Action: Rights for a live-action was signed, no casting confirmation or set dates yet

5. 犯罪心理 | Criminal Psychology by 长洱*

Summary: Police captain Xing Conglian drags psychologist Lin Chen out of seclusion/hiding to solve a case that is indirectly tied to him. Lin Chen was involved in a case a few years ago that led to four deaths - these four victims were the sons/daughters of four of the five huge old-money (super rich) families in the country and these family members sought to make Lin Chen’s life very difficult for him afterwards by making him lose all the jobs he can find, by surveilling his every move and ensuring that he���s not happy etc. Because of that, he backed out of the police force as well and quietly lived as a school dorm administrator, which is where Xing Conglian finds him a few years later. Lin Chen fakes his death after the first case (not deliberately but kind of a by-the-way thing), but as fate would have it, he ends up meeting Xing Conglian on another case, and he decides that he’ll move in with him and also involve himself again, consequences be damned, and they fall in love!

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet.

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of.

6. 死亡万花筒 | Kaleidoscope of Death by 西子绪* (MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE)

Summary: Supernatural setting where people who are about to die get a second chance to live. These individuals are either in the midst of a dangerous situation (for e.g. a shootout or a deadly mugging incident) or are about to get into accidents (for e.g. an entire bus going off a bridge or a chandelier dropping from above and crushing the person underneath) or are ill (recently diagnosed with cancer or are terminally ill with a condition for e.g.) - The list is endless, and in the situation between life and death, 12 doors will appear before them. 

It is said that once these individuals finish all 12 doors, they will truly get a second chance at life and survive whatever cause of death they were imminently facing. 

Each door represents a creepy, supernatural mystery, and Lin Qiushi finds himself in a strange place after opening a door when he was trying to enter his apartment one day. He meets Ruan Baijie, a beautiful, tall woman who he happens to meet, and they realize that in this strange world, he and other individuals who came through the door have to complete a given task, find a key and an exit door, and make it out alive. The others in the team (some of which have already gone through several doors) explain to Lin Qiushi, who is a first-timer, what the doors are about. 

The catch is, if they die inside the door, in the real world, they’ll die immediately, by accident, throwing themselves off a building, or just throwing up blood until they die (just to name a few)

On the first night, however, three people are slaughtered and eaten by a long-haired ghost/creature. The good news is, Ruan Baijie isn’t all that she seems to be (for one, she’s not exactly a woman) and she takes a liking to Lin Qiushi immediately.

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet!

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of, but honestly, this novel would be fricking EPIC as a live-action, and really creepy, but this is my all-time favourite novel, I kid you not!!!!

*I’m definitely doing a longer and more detailed to-read for KOD on my translation account, gosh you guys have no idea how much I love this.

7. 当年万里觅封侯 | Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by 漫漫何其多

Summary: Yu She and Gu Wan were close friends for a short period of time when they were younger, but unfortunately their identities and positions meant that they were opponents. Yu She’s family was for the Second Prince and Gu Wan was taken in by the Sixth Prince’s family, but in the end it was the Second Prince who ended up getting to the throne, while the Sixth Prince was accused of treason and died somewhere far away at war after being captured. Gu Wan’s only wish was to keep the Fifth Prince’s children - Xuan Rui and a pair of twins, Xuan Yu and Xuan Congxin safe, and so he moves them to another province and asks the Emperor (the Second Prince) to demote Xuan Rui’s status to prove that they are no threat to the Emperor, if only to stay alive for another day.

However, their days of hardship have only just begun, and Gu Wan decides to namedrop Yu She, whose family is so powerful now, and claims that Yu She loves him and that he was wooing Gu Wan back in the days they knew each other so that officials and others would treat the children under his care better. A few years pass and Yu She doesn’t expose Gu Wan. Gu Wan thinks they can go on like this forever, until the Emperor asks Xuan Rui and the twins to head back to the palace for a visit.

Gu Wan meets Yu She again, but the boy he knew, who was gentle, a stickler for rules and a proper, well-mannered person, has changed almost completely. Cue palace conspiracies again, brothers fighting for the throne, scheming consorts etc. XD 

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet but I’m not super sure on this

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of!

*They came out with a new reprint edition three days ago and it’s gorgeous! And comes with amazing freebies, and I am a sucker and read it on the day of the printed novel release because I saw the art and loved it, wanted to see if the story was any good, and damn after chapter 2 I WAS GONE and then I checked out two copies from different stores for the two different sets of freebies 

--

A list of those I haven’t read but I see are highly raved about:

1. 二哈和他的白猫师尊 | The Husky & His White Cat Shizun by Meatbun

- I’ve already been spoiled and I know what goes on mostly, and there are a lot of warnings for a reason, but I’m still a fan, and let’s not get into the debate on the content, I know I have to read this but the angst level is apparently ridiculous, so I need like some mental preparation before I sit down for it.

2. 千秋 | A Thousand Autumns by 梦溪石

3. 烈火浇愁 | Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest

4. 将进酒 | Qiang Jing Jiu by 唐酒卿

- A really good group of translators picked this up initially on Twitter, but then assholes were complaining that they were being too slow and insisting that machine translation (MTL) did an equally good and faster job, so the OG dropped it, and then another nice team picked it up, but MTL team is still being an asshole XD I’ve heard really good things about this one, it’s apparently quite complex as well, I’d liken it to Shapolang level? But it might be even more complex (with a lot of politics and stuff), so much so that apparently the printed novel comes with a relationship/character chart so readers are at any point in time clear on the characters which is like amazing XD

[mandos-lightningbeforethunder]

Start Again - Chapter Nine (Din Djarin x Reader)

SUMMARY: On their trek through the canyon to find their bounty, Din learns more about the girl than he had previously known and contemplates how she managed to survive everything she's been through. Of course, as he's learned from his time with her, they can never have peace in their search for the truth. 

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Discussion of sterilization, a brief discussion of forced pregnancy, discussion of childbirth, and blood loss mention. 

Author’s Note: Wow, long time no see. Life's been busy so I apologize for the severe lack of updates, I've been focusing on getting back into the workforce as well as the school semester starting up. I've also hit a major roadblock with writing and in the meantime, I've taken a step back so I'm not forcing myself or producing lackluster content. However, I'm excited to give you all this chapter! I hope you all enjoy it! 

CHAPTER NINE - A STRANGER ARRIVES

Ka’rta. Mando’a for heart. The girl had a lot of heart.

Din hadn’t let it show, but the news of her diagnosis had hit him hard. The Empire had tortured her beyond belief, if her nightmares weren’t evidence enough, the scars he saw when she was sedated had told him enough. They took her son away, wiped her mind in the process, and then left her for dead. If that wasn’t enough, they forcibly sterilized her.

“They sterilized her not long after they discovered she wasn’t the one with force-sensitive capabilities.” Dr. Orn informed him. Underneath his helmet, Din frowned at the doctor’s words. A part of him grew angry, angry at the idea that since the girl was no longer of use to them, they’d toss her away. Din was disgusted.

“What you’re saying is…is that they removed her ability to have any future children because she couldn’t produce a child with abilities?” Din’s mouth tasted like bile.

“It was their belief that the child’s father was the one who passed the traits onto his son, not her.” Dr. Orn frowned at him, possibly having the same thoughts of how vile the Empire was. “Although, had they decided to—” Din held up his hand and stopped Dr. Orn’s words.

It was enough. Basic genetics explained that even if the mother didn’t carry the trait, as long as the father did, there was a chance a child with the Force would be born. Din couldn’t even comprehend the idea of the Empire forcibly impregnating her like some breeding farm.

Instead, they remained ignorant of actual genetics and because they couldn’t breed her like a kriffing animal, they removed any ability to ever have her own children. If she couldn’t produce more force-sensitives, then why let her have any more children at all.

Deep down, Din knew of the atrocities committed by the Empire but what they did to her, made him feel physically ill.

He had felt numb hearing the news. How she managed to carry herself afterward Din didn’t know. How she even managed to put up a fight in their training session he didn’t know. It made him question everything he had known about the universe. To endure that pain and continue on, Din had hardly met anyone stronger than that.

The strength she had displayed, wielding the sticks as if they were true weapons, coming at him with all her might, even if it meant she’d meet the ground again. Briefly, he had taken pleasure in sweeping her off her feet, just to see her get annoyed. He wanted to see what her reactions would be. He hadn’t expected much out of her, especially considering the news she had received earlier. After the second time, he could tell she was vibrating with anger, ready to come at him. It was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Followed by a few successful hits and a near kick and Din found himself almost proud of her. With time, she’d come into fighting naturally.

“I know the view is pretty, Mando, but I think we have a bounty we need to find,” Her voice makes the memories of last night fade and he chuckles.

“Patience,” He murmurs, putting the last of the supplies together in his pack. He knew she was eager to get moving, the motivation to find a possible clue in her past driving her.

An ex-Imperial, trying to lay low in a post-Empire universe. The New Republic had been searching for him but after months with no news or record of him being alive, they presumed he must’ve been killed at the end of the war. The New Republic had bigger things to worry about. Orus, still running off its own government, didn’t believe any Imperial to be dead. The droid had made it clear that no Imperial was believed to be dead unless you killed them yourself.  

Opseg law enforcement pushed out the supposed ‘dead’ bounties like clockwork, and apparently, it wasn’t too hard to find them. Din had seen the holoprojectors displaying successful hunts, it was safe to say that the Opseg agency expected the same from him and the girl. It seemed clear from the data that plenty of ex-Imperials or sympathizers found themselves on Orus, hoping that the planets bustling city life would offer a decent cover to start a new life.  

Din pulled a vibroblade out of his boot, testing the weight in his fingers before he hands it to the girl. Her eyes widen in shock but she carefully takes it into her hands. The blade was one of Din’s firsts when he had first started with the Guild. Before he had found himself more comfortable with blasters and pulse rifles, Din had been more into close combat and the use of knives. After their brief training session last night, it was clearer that while he was a long-distance fighter, the girl was suited for close combat.

“You trust me?” She asks, glancing at it as she studies the hilt and the blade itself. Din had managed to keep it in decent condition even throughout these years, maintaining it despite its lack of use.

“I do,” Din says, watching as her eyes light up. “I think you’ll be able to handle yourself out there and if not, I’ll be there to catch you.”

“It’s beautiful,” she murmurs, admiring the build of the vibroblade. Holding the hilt in the palm of her hand, she takes a few practice swings with it, moving with precision. The rays from the suns beam onto the blade, glittering off her face.  

“It’s also dangerous, so be careful.” Din reminds her and she nods, tucking the blade away.

“So,” she sighs, “What’s so special about this bounty other than being an ex-Imp? Seems to me that everyone was working for the Empire at some point in their life.”

“He’s an ex-Imperial officer. Higher up, not indoctrinated like Stormtroopers, so he was well aware of what the Empire was doing.” Din responds, tossing his bag over his shoulder.

“And you said he might know about what happened to me?” She asks, her voice tilting towards a hopeful tone. He doesn’t want to get her hopes up, but the research he had done on the bounty told him enough.

No identifying information on the ship he worked on, but with the blanks in his information, it was safe to say that whatever he did work on, the Empire didn’t want it getting out. After the war, most of it had been erased and all that was left was bits and pieces. An officer, overseeing prisoners of the war. Din had concluded that he had to at least know about what happened to the girl. She wasn’t just someone captured to rot in a cell for the rest of her life. She had some importance to them; they stole her son from her and wiped her memories. All the more reasons to find out the truth from this bounty.

“It’s a possibility. He oversaw a lot of the prisoners. There’s a chance he knew about you. Or your case, at the very least.” He replies, watching as she takes in the information.

“How soon do we have to bring him in once we find him?” She says. She’s quiet now, looking to the horizon of Opseg.

“A day or so, maybe. They incentivize you to bring the bounty in early for more credits.” He answers and she merely hums. A conflict of emotions washes over her face. There’s a question she’s too afraid to ask, unsure if she would receive the answer she was seeking.

“Will he give us information?” Right on target. Din’s not sure what to give her. Could they torture him for information? Sure, maybe the Opseg law enforcement wouldn’t question it. Would he even have any information? Again, Din did not know for sure. He wouldn’t mind getting his hands a little dirtier for the sake of information the bounty may have on the girl.

“I don’t know,” he answers instead, watching as she frowns. Not exactly the answer she was looking for then.

Displaying the map of the canyons on Orus, Din pinpoints the bounty’s last known location. He had hidden in the deepest parts of the canyon. It was likely that he had a camp set up and an array of weapons to protect himself. Din wouldn’t be surprised if he and the girl came across a couple of dead bounty hunters in various stages of decay. An Imperial was already a formidable opponent, but an Imperial officer who held a lot of information on the Empire was not a force to reckon with.

Veteran bounty hunters knew better and had expectations. If a bounty were on edge, they’d do anything to protect themselves and their assets. An amateur hunter gets too cocky and the bounty quickly puts them down and moves elsewhere, losing the trail. It was all a matter of survival.

“It’s a bit of a hike,” Din informs the girl, watching her eyes as she scans the projected image. “The droid says he’s been hiding out here for the past few weeks. He moves around after a new set of hunters come after him.”

A blinking dot displays the bounty’s last known position. The girl hums, her mouth set in a hard line as she scans the map once more, seeming to put it to memory.

“He’s getting comfortable. No new bounty hunters in a good month, maybe he thinks they’ve forgotten him,” The girl says, looking to him for confirmation.

“That, or he’s expecting a full force, so we need to be prepared for both. He’s already managed to figure out the schedule of bounty hunter arrivals. Supposedly barricades himself by the time they arrive at his camp. Takes them out and moves locations before a new round of hunters come along.” Din states, clicking through the projector to detail the number of hunters this bounty has killed off.

It’s numbers he hasn’t seen since he had taken the bounty of Fennec Shand with that hotshot bounty hunter, Toro Calican. With Shand “dead” and Calican kidnapping Grogu in the hopes of making a name for himself, Din never wanted to experience anything similar again. This bounty he and the girl had taken up would not come easily.

“He would be smarter if he moved during the downtime of hunters. That way we wouldn’t know his last whereabouts.” The girl says. The light of the holoprojector flickers off her face as Din shuts it off.

“His ignorance will play to our advantage,” Din says, placing the holoprojector in his bag, “it wouldn’t be any easier if he did decide to move during the downtime.”

Din’s not expecting much, the ex-Imperial has most likely grown comfortable living out in the canyon. Their arrival might come as a surprise, but deep down, Din knows that the bounty will be prepared for a fight. Even if it means toeing with a Mandalorian.

Beginning their trek through the canyon, Din takes the lead for the first hour into the journey. The canyons on Orus are difficult terrain. The course he had set for them was not smooth at all, it was rocky and there were several instances of Din having to pull himself up over a ledge, then pulling the girl up as well.

The faint cry of animals keeps them close to one another, not trusting that the creatures will be welcoming of their presence. Din had already learned the hard way of a welcoming presence. He should’ve expected as much, given that the planet shared a system with Nevarro. The girl, however, keeps the mood light by humming songs native to Puvo. The soft thrum of her voice keeps the hike from being filled with a painful silence, which Din is grateful for.

The hike is peaceful and with the soft hum of the girl, Din relaxes through their trek, allowing himself to admire the planet and the way the vegetation grows despite the lack of sunlight. He still scans his surroundings, keeping an eye out for any potential danger. He studies the shade of the canyon walls that cut off the sunlight even as the planets still grow, fruits hanging off the branches of trees and the leaves of planets greener than he had ever seen before.

The sounds of a running creek pause them in their journey, the girl’s humming coming to a stop as they gather at the edge of the bank. This time the girl’s singing doesn’t fill the silence, just them filling their canteens with the water. Din even watches as the girl leans over and washes the sweat from her face, running her hands down her neck in order to cool herself.  

“I think it’s deep enough to swim.” The girl says, leaning back into the sand after her last drink of the water.

“You think?” Din asks her, watching her as she nods.

“Maybe,” she says, “The creeks on Puvo were shallow, meant for work. Finding an actual source of water that wasn’t meant for work or consumption was difficult, but when I did find one, I managed to get Valara to go with me.” She smiles as she seems to look back on the memories.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been swimming,” Din tells her and she chuckles.

“Not even when you were a boy?” She turns, looking at him. In truth, he can’t remember a time when he was that young, not since before he swore the Creed. When he finds himself trying to look back, the only thing he finds himself remembering is the destruction of his home and the death of his parents.

“No,” he finally says, pulling himself out of his head.

“Castin loved to swim. He wanted to swim before he could even walk. The village thought I was crazy to give him that chance, but he proved them wrong.” She smiles, but he can see the pain in her eyes as she struggles to look back at that particular memory. He knows it’s a painful reminder of what was stolen from her.

“Do you remember them? Your village,” Din supplies. The girl blinks, slowly nodding.

“Parts of them. Faces are a blur but their voices are clear to me. We were a small but tight-knit community. Everyone helped everyone.” The girl glances up at him and smiles. “I can’t remember exact details like friends or family, just Castin and maybe the midwife who helped deliver him.”

“But you don’t remember if you ever had a husband?”

“All children were loved regardless of if their parents were married or not. But, no, I don’t remember him if he were to exist at all.”

Din feels peace when she answers that she doesn’t remember. A part of him hopes that there wasn’t any partner involved, that way she could only focus her attention on Castin. She didn’t need another heartbreak if she were to ever find out the truth of what may have happened to her village. If there had been a husband, would he have been killed off by the Empire? Was he still alive?

“I do remember the pain of bringing him into the world. It was a difficult birth.” The girl interrupts his thoughts. “The healer had monitored me throughout the entire pregnancy, I knew going in it was high-risk.”

“High-risk…” Din pauses, “Like, dying?”

“Yes,” she sounds calm when she answers. He supposes that the discussion is no longer painful since she survived the ordeal and is here now. “I was in labor for several hours. I nearly died. The midwife said there had been a lot of blood…they couldn’t stop it. I remember telling her his name, but truthfully, I wasn’t sure if he had died. It was chaos.”

Din watches her as she examines the flow of the water, tracing her fingertips above the surface. In the time they had spent together, he found himself learning more about the number of times she had faced death even before the Empire had its grasp on her. Even before her son had been born, it seemed fated that one of them would die.

“State your business.”

Dank farrik. Din was tired of being snuck upon.

He and the girl turn, facing the source of the voice. A masked man with a rifle stands in front of them. The upper half of his face remains covered, only the lower half displaying his displeasure with seeing them here. He’s also wearing armor, but it’s not like beskar. The barrel of the man’s weapon points at the girl and at this close of range, she would not survive the shot.

“The public is not barred from traveling within the canyons.” Din responds, watching as the man shifts his stance, the barrel of the rifle moving to point at his chest plate.

“The public population knows not to travel these canyons. Only outsiders take that chance, so I’ll say again, state your business.” The man snarls, the barrel of his rifle swiveling to focus on him. The blast wouldn’t pierce the beskar, but Din wasn’t about to take that chance.

It’s not a blaster rifle, the closer Din studies it. It’s a stun gun, meant to temporarily incapacitate rather than go for the kill. Why this rifleman, clearly upset, didn’t have his rifle set to kill, Din didn’t know.

“Bounty work. Sent by the Opseg law enforcement.” Din states, his hand settling on his hip just above the blaster in his hip holster.

The sky is a soft shade of blue with light cloud coverage. Din doesn’t remember looking up at the sky but as he struggles to move his limbs, he understands why. The rifleman had shot him. Someone’s screaming. It’s the girl.

“Relax, sweetheart. He’s not dead.” He can hear voices, muffled as his vision blurs.

[ofmythsandmadness]

stop moving | d.h

you do diego’s eyeliner. 2k words.

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NOTES: gender neutral. long haired diego. i don’t know why i’m writing this and i kinda hate it lol, i rarely write this sort of thing but y’know. i’m going to check all messages, notifs & messed gems in the morning, i’m really only posting this and ghosting again, bc i know otherwise i’ll never do it. and y’know, i want to feel productive about something. take care folks <3

BUY ME A COFFEE HERE. | CHECK OUT MY OTHER WRITINGS HERE.

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"CAN YOU PLEASE STOP MOVING?!”

Hot breath stings your trembling fingers as Diego huffs a laugh; it’s barely a sound, a mumble of a chuckle, but you feel it vibrate through your body and hit your hand and it almost does you in. You almost just give up and confess your undying attraction, right then and there. And as though you need more contact, even more of him pressing against you, egging you closer to the precipice that will surely be your infatuated doom. 

“You’re the one who asked to do this, you don’t get to complain.”

“Well, you wanted it. You agreed to this!”

“I--” another exhale against your hand, another peal of laughter following shortly. You've half a mind to clamp his mouth shut with it, if it wouldn’t ignite yet another ill-thought fantasy of yours. “This was still your idea.”

Your smile buds and blooms despite your brain begging your lips to be still. You can’t help it; he’s too good at weaseling into the cracks of your composure. One look, one soft chuckle and you’re set for life. It doesn’t help that you’re basically on his lap, cradling his face in your hands like he’s a baby, and his own fingers tap-tap-tap away on your hips, creating a rhythm no one else but you can make out. Honestly, you’re surprised you haven’t totally cracked yet, this close and this personal.

“Shut your eyes.”

“They are shut.”

“No they’re not!” you poke lightly at the fluttering lids. Your lip snags on your bottom lip; a poor attempt to hide a giggle. “I can’t do this with your eyes open.”

“D'aww…” his lids shut as he groans. “So I’m just supposed to sit here? Let you draw on my face in total darkness?”

You click your tongue, half in disapproval in his exaggeration, and half because you’ve won yet again against his stubbornness. “I won’t be long. Suck it up.”

“Sure. Y’know, I have siblings; I know how long it takes them to do makeup, and-”

“-stop moving, asshole!” Your free hand tugs ever lightly on a strand of hair, one of the many that’s slipped out of his ponytail. Repressed thoughts flash in sultry red across your thoughts and you swallow, quickly letting the hair go. “I-I need you to stay still, or this will take forever.”

Diego sighs and his grip tightens around your hips. Before you know it, he’s moving you. “Then stop wriggling,” he grumbles, flattening you against his legs. You’re basically straddling him, at that point, and your mind goes absolutely blank at how much more intimate this feels. Does he notice? Or is this just another friendly motion you’re yet again reading into?

Your mouth tastes of cotton balls and it’s dry as an Arizona summer. Still, you manage an ‘okay’ before readying your pen again. All you can hope for is a steady hand, though by the way he still holds your waist, and how your mouth lingers mere inches from his lips -- well, you’re coming undone.

It’s just eyeliner, you tell yourself. Your hand rises and swipes; black begins to pool its deep colour against his lashes, low and thin. The line builds taller, thicker as you work, extending out to the corner of his eye. As he breathes, and you try to remind yourself how to, the eyeliner pen works its shaky magic and draws the slightest tinge of a wing against his skin. 

“How’s it going?”

At least he’s kind enough to mumble it, though his face still shifts under your hold. Once more your tongue clicks. 

“It goes better when you don’t speak.”

He swallows his laugh; you know, because you feel his throat work as you hold his head steady. It’s strange and exhilarating, to be so close and still so far away. You want to cradle his cheeks gentler, to hold his face with the heart of a lover, but you’re terrified he’ll recognise your touch and realise your feelings. So you barely touch him and remind yourself to be professional about this.

It’s eyeliner, not a rom-com.

“I’m bored,” he whisper whines. 

“Shh.”

“It’s too quiet.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, patting his cheek gently. “M’working.”

“Y/N...”

You pull away and sit back on his thighs. His left eye doesn’t look half bad, but if he keeps talking… “You can’t talk, ‘else it’s gonna look bad!”

“Then you talk!”

You baulk. “What?”

“I’ll be quiet,” he swears, pouting up to you with eyes still shut, “but please, say something before I lose my mind.”

“Well, I-I-what about?”

“I don’t know. Anything.” He smiles softly. “I like hearing you talk. Don’t care what about.”

You could die right then and there. It’s a simple compliment, it’s really the bare minimum, but you’re already head over heels. And just a couple of soft spoken works are all you need to do you in and nearly keel you over, still straddling his muscular thighs.

“Uh…” you cough, forcing out the giddy tremble that threatens to take your voice. No lovesick teen voice today, thank you very much. “Okay. I don’t have much to...well, the other day, I saw my coworker totally wipe out leaving work.” You pause, expecting some reply, but he stays silent. “And he... he ate so much shit, he might as well dunked his head in a gas station toilet. And - and you know, normally I’d try to sympathise, but when you always make a point to park in my parking spot, I don’t care. Brett’s such an ass. And I don’t blame him, cause he’s got an asshole name -- Brett can’t be anything else but an asshole. So it's his parents fault probably but still, I…”

You continue on, slipping from the topic of your coworker to the free muffin you got with your coffee last week, to the prospects of buying a pet to keep your apartment less lonely, and to what probably felt like a thousand and one things ranted at him. All the while your hands continue, making neat work of a task that had just felt impossible.

And miraculously, aside from a chuckle thrown now and then, Diego stays silent. Maybe he actually means it. Maybe he does like your voice -- or he’s so bored he’s falling asleep, you don’t know. But it’s okay, you don’t let yourself linger on that, too content with taking in his relaxed features and the gentleness of the afternoon sun on the two of you.

“Aaaand….there!” With a triumphant shout, you throw the eyeliner to the side and your hands plunge towards the sky, fist-pumping like you’d just won the lottery. Your body bounces up and down on his lap like a child meeting Santa; in your excitement, you barely notice. “You’re done!”

“That’s it?”

“Yup.” You grabble for a mirror, looking away from him for a moment as you reach for the handle. Wiping it off, you’re focused solely on making sure the glass is clean enough for him to see himself in, and your brain is distracted enough to totally forget what you’ve even done, enough so when you look up, all you have is,

“Oh.”

Look, you know Diego is an attractive man. You’ve known since the day you met; he’s a beautiful guy, a handsome asshole who wormed his way into your befuddled heart before you could even learn his name. He’s pretty enough that if he wasn’t so set on his weird vigilante career, he could probably shoot for being a damn supermodel. He’s a catch! But all those years of knowing that and feeling like that could not prepare you for the sight in front of you.

Diego squints at you, cocking his head. “Is it okay?”

“I…” Delicate black lines his upper lash line, making his deep brown eyes stand out even more. He’s smiling still, full lips curving up to only make your heart pound faster. A strand of his hand falls across his face, painting the gentlest of shadows but it doesn’t bother his pretty face. “I...no, no, yea-ah…”

“Wow,” he laughs, jabbing a finger into your side. “Eloquent.”

“I-I-shut up,” you stammer. You force the mirror into his hands and look away. You’re still on his lap, still straddling his lap and the logical part of your brain begs you to get it together and fall off, already. But the stupid, foolish, absolutely idiotic part leaves you paralysed. “Just look for yourself.”

You squeeze your eyes shut and wait for him in the silence. There’s nothing, though, for achingly painful seconds, until the mirror shifts down. “Huh.”

“Huh, good? Or bad?” 

“I wasn’t expecting this.”

“Really? What’s wrong?”

“It’s not bad,” he assures you, his smile evident in his tone. “Just different. Don’t know how to feel about it.”

“O-oh...well, if it makes you feel better, I think it looks great.”

“You do?”

Oh, dammit. That came out with way too much enthusiasm, didn’t it? Your legs are concrete as you shift, face angled towards the floor. Hopefully he’s strong enough to push you off him when your body literally catches flame from humiliation. 

“You look good man,” he mocked back to you. But he’s grinning, egging you on like a child who knows he’s got you twisted around his pinky finger. “Come on, say it like you don’t have a gun to your head!”

And maybe you do, maybe you’re holding the revolver to your temple, just asking to get screwed if you dare speak beyond the most stilted compliment you’ve ever extended to someone. He’s a friend, you remind yourself; friends are allowed to compliment the other. They’re allowed to say they look good and not make it a thing, even if they wish it was a thing, and--

“--hey? You in there?”

“Sorry,” you say to the floor. You swear a thousand curses before looking back to Diego. And, yeah -- he still looks impossibly good. The ageing afternoon sun falls just perfectly against his skin, flushing him into the being of a god, standing in your apartment while you, a mere mortal, remains stuck to his thick thighs.

You gulp in air desperately, trying to catch your gaze on something, anything else -- but nothing sticks. He’s still there, inches from you, desperately aching for you to stare at.

“No, uh, yeah. You look - you look hot.”

Wait.

That wasn’t--

“-I look hot?”

That isn’t what you were supposed to say.

“I,” you have literally nothing to save yourself. This is the end! You’re young Leo and Rose is shoving you off the door and into the icy waters, and you’ve just got one last look at pretty Diego to satiate the freezing burn before you succumb to it. “I...wasn’t...that wasn’t what I meant.”

He has no right to look so smug. But he does it anyway. He leans away from your hands as they flutter through the air on their own accord, looking at you through half-lidded pools of caramel. “You don’t think I look hot?”

“Don’t,” you warn, with little strength behind it. “Don’t twist my words.”

“I’m just asking.”

He leans back in. You’re almost touching again. 

Is this weird? This is definitely weird.

You swallow back the lump in your throat and stare back at him. This all feels like fifth grade all over again -- awkward, sticky and like every move is the wrong move. But you can’t stop yourself from playing into his hands, because that sly, shameful part of you wants this more than will ever be admitted. You want him to look at you like this, like you could hang the stars if he asked you to...and you want him to pull you closer, as he does, and mean it.

Could he?

“Would you hate me? If I thought you looked hot?”

Diego head cocks to the side as he seemingly contemplates your words. A nudge meets your side; you look down to see his hands once again reaching for you. Though it's on their own accord this time, gently landing on your left hip, then the right. You shiver.

“That depends,” he says slowly. His eyes narrow, black wings just barely crinkling in. “D’you mean it like, ‘oH, that’s so-oo hot, woW-’”

Your laugh is hardly a whisper. It cracks even before your lips. “Come on.”

“Or, do you…” his fingers dig in a little more. They nudge at the fabric of your top, daring it to move enough so they could cradle the flesh hidden underneath. “You mean it the other way?”

Heart in throat, all the courage you can possibly muster with it, you mutter, “the...other way, probably.” Then a second later, “is that okay?”

“Mm…” His fingers finally reach your skin. You shiver under his touch, warm and unflinching as they brush against the soft curves. Diego’s face comes towards your own and you force yourself not to move. But he doesn’t stop, instead he goes past you, brushing his plush lips against your earlobe. “I would say...that if all this took was making you do my eyeliner, I shoulda asked years ago.”

“I, okay...don’t play with me, here--”

“--I’m serious,” he protests lowly. His lips leave your ear but they don’t run far. Instead, you find them a brush away from your own, just as you were minutes before. Only this time, you don’t try to clamp your mouth shut and skirt away from the touch. You nudge your nose against his own, exhaling softly as more skin meets the heat of his own. “You think I just let anyone sit on my lap like this, without thinkin’ it could be more?”

You shrug like this is normal. Like you’re perfectly at peace with the universe and the way you’re wondering how his tongue would taste, pushing back against your own. “I mean...do you?”

“No,” he chuckles low. “No, I’m...not into friendly lap dances, actually.”

“O-oh. Mm.”

He pulls you closer. He wants you closer.

“Diego…” You’re unravelling. You’re fucking unravelling, unnerved by his voice and his hands and you’re putty in them, all inhibitions sliding away like you’re three drinks in. His hands by your sides leave their marks against your skin; you can feel the pads of his fingers, burning into your skin like they were molten iron and not just mere brushes. “I...”

“Tell me.” He sounds cocky. He has a right to be, even if you’re damned to admit it. “Tell me what you think.”

Your hands shiver up his forearms, clinging to his bare shoulders as he pulls you impossibly closer. Your mind’s going a mile a minute and you refuse to listen to a single thought. You’re only feeling him.

“Y/N…”

“Fine,” you huff, with a smile. Your noses brush again; your eyes flutter shut with his image imprinted against their lids. “I think you look...hot as hell, Diego.”

“Yeah.” He’s grinning; you can hear it in his voice, that smirk that makes your gut flip like a damn rollercoaster ride. “S’what I thought, baby.”

And then he kisses you.

A/N: i normally hate writing oblivious characters but this wasn’t even intentional really. every time i try to write something remotely sexual i just lead the reader into ‘oH tHiS iS jUsT wHaT fRiEnDs Do’ and ‘iT’S wEiRd rIgHt’. to my defense...i doubt you’re on this page reading this expecting good sexual tension. i’m not the tua writer for that; let me know if you want recommendations for that because trust me, there are better authors for that. for now, you get this. <3

[border-spam]

Does troy really have a split jaw or is that fanon?

It's total fanon!

The design of the split lines across his cheekbones and chin coupled with the cheek clips and v shaped hinge outline next to his ears lead to a lot of people coming to that same outcome, that there is something up with his mouth from a prosthetic/mod standpoint.

So much of his design is never mentioned once or referenced in any way (hightech spinal rig with tattoos under it, neuro connector, mech arm that's much older and doesn't seem related to the spine and neuroport, implants on bicep, face mod etc) that like Tyreen's scars and possible lower body Siren markings, fandom took over when it came to coming up with logical explanations for 'em.

This actually touches ground with some Ao3 comments I wanted to share as they are all Leech Lord compliant, so I'll list them here alongside links to the fics they were related to (note warnings!)

You leave no avenue for characterization unexplored. Troy's facial prostheses finally receiving backstory is amazing

- Maw (Gore/Bodyhorror)

I LOVE the idea of it being not just decorative shit on his face, but my MO for any content I make is always based around asking why, over and over, and trying to make sense of what material I'm using in the first place. The modded mouth is a popular piece of fanon but you know... why? Why would he do that shit to himself. WHY would he want to be grotesque, why would he be chasing the reaction people would have to it when canonically he seems to really not be interested in fan attention the same way Tyreen is, what's the difference to him between being adored as his persona or being lusted after as a monster, etc. I just love deep-diving into the logic behind character and world building? It's what adds meat to the bone for me.

Big 'ol character and worldbuilding / lore responses list under the cut -

He could afford better robots but these ones UNDERSTAND Ty, don't you get it?

- Good night in (tooth rotting fluff)

Hey just because it's mangled and broken, and can't perform its intended function to a degree expected of it by everyone around it... and it's got rusty sharp bits it accidentally hurts you with sometimes... and it's cranky but it doesn't mean it... and sometimes it errors out in a way that's mildly disturbing in a way you can't place.. uh.. doesn't mean you should just GIVE UP ON IT you know? He can fix them :) They will be fine :) No one should just throw away something that's trying so hard just because it's damaged... haha... :')

It's so hard seeing how much they tear each other down when they're the only thing they have left. And what a poor self-image Tyreen has beyond all that glitter and bluster...

- Wolf in sheep's clothing

The twins function well enough as a unit till tensions rise, and I was trying to seed in The Leech's influence on them in earlier work like this too - towards anyone else Ty would become MORE aggressively confident, more assured in her complete and utter dominance of the situation, her flawlessness, but against Troy who see's her for what she is, it turns inwards and eats at her instead of lashing outwards. He switches from relatively submissive around her to almost surgical levels of dissection, he knows exactly how to go for the jugular with words, and doesn't hold back. She's The Leech's mouth but he's its eyes and it's only when they lose control emotionally enough for it to claw to the surface of their psyches that you get an idea of how much it really affects them individually. GB had an absolute goldmine on their hands here of cosmic/body horror and the concept of toxic family when all you have is each other, there's so much to work with, and I figure it's a factor in why some people still really enjoy messing around with Calypso content.

I like how you allow Troy to be a disabled character, how his congenital defects and prosthetics colour his outlook and appear in ways big and small in all these vignettes. It's easy, I think, to see him as largely untroubled by his health apart from when he needs a charge from Tyreen in the game, but you allow him to struggle with his weakness.

- Chronic (Drug use)

I'm really glad to hear that's coming through in the writing because it's something I noticed a lot too. Very often when Troy, or other characters canonically disabled / chronically unwell are written it's "told" and not "shown". Chronic pain, illness, it's not something that is just a little tickbox in a life or some descriptive terms added to a character synopsis, it's something you live and deal with. There are bad days. There are times it is a negative that has to be worked around or faced in ways that aren't pleasant. It doesn't make you lesser or weak to have times where illness does leave you unable to function to a level you want to, it's not a failure for you to be unable to perform tasks when a disability or flair up means it's not viable. I feel personally that by showing scenes like this where his health and body issues do have a very visceral and impossible to ignore the effect on his ability to function, and going through his mental processes of dealing with and managing them, it brings the character across as stronger than if he never seemed to be shown dealing with symptoms or weaknesses. People are more than their disabilities and conditions, those aren't just kinda taglines to add onto a character's description and then never address. I feel like doing that in a way undermines what people deal with who manage chronic illness, pain, and who have disabilities that affect their daily lives negatively. Appreciating the effort it takes to manage them is important.

What I really like about these is that you can really understand as a reader how their dynamic must have evolved. How even before Leda's death Tyreen would have felt demonized while Troy got the attention because of his condition, because he was less willful.

- Starlight, Moonbright

Ah man, absolutely - and that shit stayed with them. It wasn't his fault and he never wanted it, but of course their parents would have had their extremely ill child at the forefront of their thoughts, especially during weeks when he was.. bad. Tyreen by nature even without The Leech's influence is a little attention seeker, she'd be the life of any party and she BLOSSOMS if she's got the spotlight, but as a little kid who's got literally no one but her parents and her brother, and who all three of which can't give her nearly as much time as she deserved? That's rough. That's really unfair. That coupled with The Leech's warping effect on their egos as they grew up and the bitterness and resentment they harbored in different ways created a reverse dynamic. She'd never be out of the Galaxy's attention again, and he'd have no choice but to take his rightful place in her shadow.

I love how you illustrate both how much more, and yet how much less Troy is now. How the blameless child, full of potential, is inextricably linked to the brutal, larger-than-life avatar he fashions.

- DeLeon ( Graphic Violence / Gore / Hallucinations)

He's molded the monster he is now out of the bones of the man he should have been - there's no going back really. There's nothing left to go back to. He broke Troy DeLeon apart to build the persona that acts like an iron lung now, suffocating him breath by breath while forcing him to still take them. That life is over, he killed it before it had a chance, but the idea of it is still there in his subconscious. Somewhere in the absolute trainwreck of Troy's brain is the tiny, flickering belief that maaaaaybe one day this will all be over and he can shuck off the bracer and spines, peel off all the shit he's covered his skin with, and just go back to not being Calypso. DeLeon here isn't some aspect of his mental state or his sins haunting him - it's The Leech, spitting venom at a host it loathes in something that's not sound or comprehensible language. His subconscious has just translated it into something it can understand - his greatest regret.

On if Borderlands Humans originated on Earth -

There's a really tenuous link between BL verse and rEarth, but it's there and can't be ignored. The cultures, accents, terminologies, so many are Earth specific despite these people being spread across galaxies, so hell yes - Earth as an emergence point makes total sense. The next question then, is why is it never mentioned - and you can cover for that with a lot of things like say, tt was so long ago that it's not relevant to anything that would ever be discussed, or it could be a mass evacuation from a catastrophe there is little record of now. I like to go with something along those lines, that the first human Siren host emergence on earth just absolutely decimated the planet. Like, we were doing fine till this random woman somewhere in the ass-end of nowhere develops weird markings overnight, then goes apocalyptic. The first Leech maybe, not understanding her powers and having them rip across continents in a spread of crackling electric death that only left husked shells of plants and animals in its wake, or the first Firehawk who went nuclear and burned the sky, or the first Voidgrasp who lost control and began to collapse the planet's core - some extreme shit that had humans fleeing en masse with barely any preparation and HUGE swathes of history and knowledge left behind. That would cover so many social things surviving into the BL verse, cultures, accents, cooking, that shit comes with us regardless of what we were able to throw into escape ships. Like so much data would be stored on any tech and data arrays within the vessels people would use to leave a dying planet even in an insane rush, but that shit waters down over time - if you're farming barely edible plants on some planet that smells like farts, are you really gonna be that stressed about teaching your kids history from a lost planet when your current concerns are not being eaten by something with 19 legs and 4 buttholes? Don't think so.

On if the other Siren entities are as influential to their hosts as The Leech -

I touch on it a wee bit throughout LL, but the others are FAR more passive and meld more to their host's whims. The Firehawk Siren wouldn't.. like.. care? If the host was burning down a planet or fighting off an evil corporation? They are removed from any nonsense happening on this side, they might not even really be able to tell, it's like asking an amoeba or a collection of sentient atomic particles what its opinion is on Brexit. That's not really its priority. The Leech is so aggressive in its control of the twins and desperation to drive them towards an outcome it desires only cause it's split, broken, removed from the song, and completely lost. We're talking a caged, half-mad animal removed from its natural environment and left totally isolated from its own kind for millennia. It's in pain, it's confused, it wants to find its way back to the song and the others and where it belongs, but it's stopped by a barrier it can't comprehend ( the twins and being ripped between them), so in its impotent rage it feeds back that hatred onto them. It's not really sentient in the way we would describe functional intelligence, but it wants, and craves, and FEELS. And it feels very, very angry.

Big thanks to @undergoingcalibrations for talking through so much of this with me!

Asks are Open!

[dirthavarens]

so i’m sick and that means i’m thinking about my warden, champion, and inquisitor when they’re sick and how their LI’s react

Warden Ghilana Surana: 

What sickness? This woman could have the actual plague and still be going. She feels like she’s going to pass out? Lmao guess again. She’s downing a lyrium potion and getting right back to business. During the Blight, she caught a cold and Alistair was severely worried because she lost her voice, thus incantations were out of the question. However, in her discomfort, she found great strength, especially as an Arcane Warrior. What she could not use through incantations, she used through her blade, through wards scribed, through sheer intent. She conjures ice to keep her fevers down and when that isn’t enough, detonates the heat as flames around her.

After the Blight (and Alistair leaving her lmao), she spends a great deal of her time adventuring and recruiting with Nathaniel Howe. This means exposure to the elements that is far less than kind. A rogue doesn’t know healing as a mage does, but that doesn’t stop Nathaniel from trying to help. 

He’s tender in his care of her, despite her abject protestations. She’s fine. She’s always been fine. She always will be fine. Such resolve can play into her downfall at times. 

Just a year before the Breach formed, she took ill while she and Nathaniel were far, far to the North, closer to Tevinter than she’d ever ventured. They had to take shelter in a small, abandoned hut and Ghilana had no energy to do much of anything. She had been staving off the illness for nearly a two weeks through magic alone when it finally caught up with her. She collapsed during a hunt and Nathaniel took her to the nearest shelter he could find. 

She slept for days, waking only when he begged her to drink, eat, and down concoctions. The ratios of his potions were almost right, leading her to sleep for too long or have too vivid of dreams. 

After all of that, she got out of bed, cleaned herself, and carried on as though nothing had happened. Nathaniel was very, very unhappy, but he knows better than to argue with his angry elvhen wife.

All in All: Very Capable of Handling Herself. Will fight and throw fire as her temperature rises. Will do anything to keep others from worrying, laughs it off when she has to. 12/10

Amelia Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall:

Her boyfriend is Anders. Her symptoms are never allowed to go beyond a stuffy nose. 

Just Kidding. There are times she tries to hide it from him. Having Eldest Sister syndrome, taking care of herself usually isn’t high on her priorities. Making sure that her friends stay out of trouble and that her mother is alright are her top priorities. She’s the Mom Friend and her own ailments can wait. When she’s sick, she does her best to mask her symptoms. A light cough can pass as dust from the Lowtown streets. Her stuffy noses can be attributed to allergies.

Oh? That pale, clammy appearance with her glassy eyes? Probably ate something bad and didn’t she say it was allergy season?

Even at her worst, she makes sure to get her rounds in, often collapsing in bed the moment she gets home. Her mother, Bodahn, and Sandal are the only ones who ever see her sweat with fever. On those nights, her mabari stays close. It isn’t often she sees Carver since he left for the Templars but she still sends a care package when Cullen makes mention that he’s ill. Even if her brother hates her, she does what she can. 

Over the years, Anders would notice how she would change when she slept. What had been a minor cough turned into a deep rattling in her chest that roused him from sleep. Most times when he heard such a rattle, the outcome was unfavorable. Winter fever was a hard case to cure, but luckily he had the fortune of catching hers early and was able to treat it. Her mabari acted almost like a nurse hound instead of a warhound. For once, Anders was grateful for the dog’s presence. 

From that moment on, he made her swear to tell him when she was ill. With great reluctance, she agreed. 

All in All: What Sickness? Eldest Sibling Syndrome to the max. She even still takes care of Carver, despite him being a shitty Templar. Big Heart 10/10 

Inquisitor Mirani Lavellan:

She sleeps heavily and often when she’s ill. The Fade has always been a comfort to her, even when demons encroach on her weakened body. Naturally, this causes some concern within the Inquisition for the Inquisitor to “sleep on the job” so to speak. But she’s there when she needs to be. Potions, herbal teas, sweaters, and thick pants abound, but she’s there. 

Solas is more than happy to comfort her and keep the demons at bay while she rests. He fills her dreams with small secrets and memories of a time long since passed. He knows he shouldn’t but the contented sigh she lets out is worth it, even if it’s through wheezing snores or a stuffed nose. 

Mirani is more emotional when sick. She is an Empath with deep connections to the Fade and the forgotten feelings that dwell there. Being ill makes her no small victim to strong emotions, either. Battle is where she feels the strongest, where her magic is purest and most powerful. 

Being a Rift Mage gives her access to powers untapped by nearly everyone, save her Trainer and Solas. But calling on the Fade takes a great deal from her when she’s ill, as she has to be wary of manifesting her intentions as energy and not invitations to demons. Her focus and emotional state causes her mana to drain quickly between powerful spells. So much does she expel from herself that Solas stands at the ready to catch her should she fall and sound the retreat.  

During the times she had exhausted herself and had to be carried back to camp, she would protest vehemently, saying that she was okay. This gained her nothing but stiff-lips and furrowed brows from her companions. Except for Cole, whose panic was palpable. 

She’s naturally freckled and has a great deal of color to her light olive skin. This color increases tenfold when she’s sick. The tips of her nose and ears turn red and her cheeks nearly glow from fever. When sickly and nauseous, her olive hue turns closer to that of pallid elfroot. This doesn’t happen often, though, and she’s thankful.

Mirani never stays sick for long. Only a couple days at most. The longest she was ill was after the fall of Corypheus. 

She was down for two weeks, doubtlessly in-part to her fatigued heart and melancholy. Even so, she would find herself dreaming in a place unfamiliar but comforting, like a forgotten lullaby from one’s childhood. A melody she can recall, but never remembers the lyrics. During the days, she’d drag herself from bed and do her best to ignore the ache in her lungs and the incessant pounding in her head. Varric often told her she looked like shit, Bull and Sera were not much kinder. Still, she had paperwork to fill out, memoirs to write, requisitions to approve and deny. The work of the Inquisitor was never done.

With the Anchor growing worse in the two years that pass, she notices her immunities starting to fail. Dorian sends special teas and potions of his own making for her that serve to invigorate her. They work for a while and when they stop being as effective Cole is more than content to keep her company, popping in and out of the Fade when he feels her hurt. It’s harder to help her, knowing that the Anchor is the infection eating away at her. 

IF AU HAPPENS: Despite having only one arm, she still holds tightly to her words to Solas and follows him into the Eluvian. Now weaker than before, she knows she has to find a way to restore herself without explicitly asking Solas to mend her. She’s gone two years without his help, despite what she feels for him, and she will continue to find her way. She taps into the natural magic of the Crossroads. Its energy is much like that of the Fade, but purer; its intents are whatever ones wish is and she channels it to build herself back to strength. Solas marvels at her tenacity. She controls old magic so freely, so easily, as though she had always known how to wield it. She feels better than before, healthier than she thought she could after dealing with the instability of the Anchor for two years. 

IF AU DOESN’T HAPPEN: After disbanding the Inquisition, Mirani is exhausted and finds that she just wants to be left alone. Now with only one arm, no Inquisition, and no Clan, she ventures deep into the Arlathan Forest. The old magic here feels familiar and she is content to feel it wisp around her like leaves being kicked up by an autumn breeze. Through careful practice and occasional mishaps, she’s able to rehabilitate herself. On her worst nights, however, she would be lulled back into sleep with dreams of foreign memories. The visions were clearer there and the tender emotion encasing her quieted her disturbed soul. The spirits there often seek to help her when she’s in need of aid and Cole occasionally appeared to keep her company, even if he was not explicitly needed. 

All in All: Naps, warm clothes, give her tea and a blankie. Very emotional but does what needs doing. Overall, very soft. 7/10 (but 100/10 in my heart)

[johnlock-hell-resident]

OTP Game

as used by @mercheswan

1. Johnlock (Sherlock)

2. Snowbaz (Carry On)

3. BrewerRose, aka David Rose x Patrick Brewer (Schitt's Creek)

4. Tedlexis (Schitt's Creek)

5. Hophie (The School for Good and Evil)

6. Tiana x Naveen (Disney's The Princess and the Frog)

7. Peraltiago (Brooklyn 99)

8. Sci-Set (Equestria Girls)

9. Tagatha (The School for Good and Evil)

10. Raymond Holt x Kevin Cosner (Brooklyn 99)

If any of these otps are part of fandoms you have not finished, TURN BACK THERE ARE SPOILERS

1. Do you remember the first episode/scene/chapter when you first started shipping 6?

Well, it was before I transformed into my fandom self so I didnt have the good sense to remember the occasion lol

2. Have you ever read fanfic for #2?

Yes! Not as much as I'd like, but YES! My favorite of the few is Lonely in London by banjjakbanjjak

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/phone background?

Nope, that honor goes to Johnlock~

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

I would retire the show full-stop 😭

5. Why is 1 so important?

Honestly, I have no idea. I have no idea why this ship of all ships is my chosen one but here we are. I think its just that the writing and thematic experience of BBC Sherlock is unlike any I've seen before. It has literally everything I could ever want in a love story and John and Sherlock, even if it's platonic, have an unconditional, soulmate bond. And let's not forget what I need for every ship: MUTUAL PINING AND TENSION

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Very serious. 😑 this is my serious face

7. Out of all the ships, which one has the most chemistry?

Snowbaz I think

8. Out of all the ships, which one has the strongest bond?

Johnlock, without a doubt

9. How many times have you read/watched 10's fandom?

I'm actually still not done watching B99...

ILL GET TO IT OKAY

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

I dont know if this means in fandom history??? Or the relationship in real time? Or for me personally??

Me personally? Johnlock, would you believe

11. How many times, if ever, have 6 broken up?

If you count the brief misunderstanding with Tiana witnessing "Naveen" and Charlotte's wedding, 1

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, who would survive? 2 or 8?

Snowbaz absolutely! In one corner we've got magickal teenage warriors and in the other corner we've got... magical teenage warriors ok but this one is limited in the confinements of PG

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship?

I cant remember the specifics but they had to keep their blooming relationship a secret bc their nasty boss threatened to fire them unless they broke up

14. Is 4 still together?

15. Is 10 canon?

Now and forever!!

16. If all 10 couples were entered into a couple's Hunger Games, which couple would win?

By far my favorite question. Johnlock would get pretty far I think bc Sherlock could outthink all of them and John can repair any of his injuries (having a doctor on your team is such an op advantage). Snowbaz has the power of magick and flight on their side BUT Baz is incredibly flammable. BrewerRose and Tedlexis would be the first ones to die. Naveen and Tiana go next. Hophie is the sinnamon roll couple so I think they're combined ruthlessness would carry them to the top. Peraltiago and #10 both have experience as cops so they would at least know how to adapt to the ever changing situation. Sci-Set have magic but they wouldn't have the ethical flexibility to commit any kind of harm. Tagatha have magic as well, but they cant stop arguing literally to save their life

In conclusion, Hophie seems like the obvious winner. They are trained villains after all

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5's relationship?

Fucking Nicola

18. Which ship would you defend to death and beyond?

Johnlock till I die

19. Do you spend hours a day on 3's tumblr page?

I would if there was any fan content!!!!

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the 10 ships to break up forever or else she'd break them all up forever, which ship would you sink?

I mean #4 is already sunk so 😔

BUT if I could sacrifice another ship in return for #4's relationship it would be Sci-Set

[fmdtaeyong]

restructuring update prompts

a prologue to officially re-introducing ash kwon // aka i decided to re-do this because i changed some parts of ash’s backstory and established career claims after i did this the first time and half of this wasn’t really true anymore rip

also there’s nowhere for me to put this in the answers anymore so i’ll put it here: circles is ash’s best song

content warning: mentions of alcohol abuse and drug use / abuse, but none of it is in-depth

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different?

for the most part, ash’s general personality and character has stayed the same. he’s the same angsty, creative, romantic dude at heart, but he’s a little more jaded in some ways.

ash moved around before he became a trainee now. he lived in san francisco, sydney, and seattle. when he lived in sydney, it was just him and his mom and he grew really close to her during that time. he doesn’t really feel like he has a home at all since seoul is the longest he’s ever lived somewhere, but he’s less happy so that’s not home either.

ash is a better technical singer now ig, being a main vocal. he focused more on singing as a trainee now instead of dancing. his ankle injury in 2018 was a little more serious now, which is why he doesn’t dance much in his solo music anymore. it’s also why he’s less interested in dance, but, at the same time, i think it leaves more potential for him to re-develop some love for it again.

he’s also now the maknae, although it’s a common joke in the fandom that he doesn’t act like it. he debuted a year and three months younger than before and he feels a lot more beholden to the industry now. has even less of an idea of what he’d be outside of it at this point, even though he got closer to actually leaving it than previous ash ever did.

he’s still had a couple of minor attitude controversies in titan’s early days caused by cultural differences. he was in public relationships in 2016 and 2019. neither were received well for their own reasons. his clubbing habit has gotten him into some controversy, though bc has never issued a statement on it beyond that one time they had to confirm the woman in a picture of him clubbing was his girlfriend because people were trying to accuse him of cheating. he has a passionate anti gallery and obsessive sasaengs that make his life a living hell.

since renewing his contract, ash has also had a few hiatuses of varying lengths due to his physical or mental health. this was true before with how he naturally developed, but it’s more tied together now as a result of generally poor physical and mental health he’s been experiencing for a few years now after his dating scandals and his ankle injury in 2018.

his image is more streamlined now too! he never really had the era of being pushed as a cleancut boyfriend that old ash had around 2018. he’s been marketed as a musical genius / sexy bad boy rockstar / artist with a tortured soul for as long as he’s been majorly pushed individually. this means he’s still very sexualized, but he hates his image a little less because he can be a little more himself as far as personal style and self-expression through tattoos and piercings goes.

what does your muse think of their company and their group?

this hasn’t really changed. ash has no real love for bc entertainment and wouldn’t really care if titan disbanded tomorrow. some of their music is good and some isn’t (though he considers less of it terrible without wolf and gorilla in the mix lmao), but he feels he’s mostly outgrown it as an artist. not that it’s below him, but it’s not what he connects with creatively, which is far more important to him now than it had been when he’d first debuted. he doesn’t hold ill will toward his groupmates unless he feels they’ve given him an individual reason to, and actually feels more guilty toward them for getting involved in scandals and taking hiatuses more than anything, but they’re also not his best friends. he views titan as a purely work endeavor and he doesn’t feel bad about the fact he got about as close as possible to leaving them without actually doing so that he could back during contract renewals. after all, they’d be fine without him. he’s a main vocal, but they’ve got two others. he’s a dancer, but they’ve got two others. he can write music, but titan has never been his main priority there and others are more than capable of doing it. he wants out of both the group and the company but is starkly aware of the fact that he did this to himself when he re-signed out of what he now perceives to have been impulse and greed.

since titan is the seniormost active group under bc, ash tries to be a good senior to his company juniors in general, but there are certainly more welcoming alternatives than him. he worries about them from a distance more than anything else.

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract?

he’s on his second contract and he definitely regrets renewing. he hadn’t planned to renew for the longest time the lack of privacy and the public criticism and the hate he’d received were just too much, and he had plans that would require him to stop being an active idol, namely marrying his girlfriend of two and a half years at the time. their relationship wasn’t stable enough at the time for that to be a good idea and that was proven when they broke up shortly before final negotiations for contract renewals, but ash wanted an excuse to escape and the idea of a happy, normal life more than he wanted to be rational.

spite after the (very brief lmao) break up was part of his decision to renew, but bc entertainment also offered to support him as a songwriter and producer in addition to allowing him to regularly release solo music. he still really loved music and his first taste of promoting as a solo artist had been right before renewals as a proposal to sway him into re-signing, so he was swayed to sign on for seven more years. they followed through on their promises, but he struggles to weigh the recognition he’s earned as a solo artist and songwriter-producer against signing his life away again and doing a number on his physicla and mental health. most of his health issues and his hiatuses have happened during his second contract, as well as several behind-the-scenes situations that could have become scandals if they’d had any less luck, mostly stemming from ash drinking too much and his occasional recreational drug use, so he’s not sure bc even really feels the contract renewal was entirely worth it.

what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

if you asked ash this, he wouldn’t know what to answer. he doesn’t feel very motivated these days and pretty much feels like he only does anything because he’s contractually obligated to. making music as a form of expression has long been his main drive, and beyond that, the desire to make a mark on the world he can be remembered by through his music, but he often oscillates now between feeling like there’s not much more he can realistically achieve and the sense of hopelessness that he can try as hard as he wants, but his music’s never going to be what he’s defined by when he’s a public figure with an image.

he also feels a duty to make his parents proud. though i could argue that might be less now than it was in the previous iteration of ash, it’s still very much there. they let him come to seoul when he’d just turned thirteen to follow a dream that many never get to follow all the way through to the end and they believed in him fully. they express how proud they are of him when they do talk, but he doesn’t know that he believes them. he doesn’t feel that anything he’s done has been deserving of paying them back for everything they’ve given to him.

right now, he wants to be able to feel excited about his life and what he’s making again. he’s trying to better himself internally in regards to the way he views himself and his mental health, although he’s more prone to still taking steps backwards there than he was at this point previously. a lot of the ways ash has found to feel that excitement and creativity he wants (such as recreational drugs and excessive alcohol consumption and fleeting, sometimes toxic, relationships) do damage to his mental wellbeing, so it’s a balancing act at the moment.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

i covered this partially with the last one, but one major conflict remains his internal conflict about his passion for music. this was very much where ash was before as well, but now that i’m really pushing songwriting and producing as his main career path, it presents a more equal professional and personal challenge for him.

more than having truly lost joy in making music, he’s burnt out. his latest album lovesick was emotionally exhausting because it was a partially rushed, deeply personal and vulnerable album exclusively based on an unhealthy relationship that had stretched its hold on him out over for almost six years, and then he went into making music that he couldn’t relate to at all and didn’t really fit his image all because bc thought it would sell well.

the burn out in his personal life has affected the burn out in his professional life he would be feeling anyway and made it ten times worse. it feels more hopeless because he doesn’t have much else going for him. in the past few months, his relationship with alcohol and drugs also reverted back to unhealthy after he was doing better with it for a while, not helped by a really bad stint with his mental health. all of this was at its worse in june before he went on hiatus, and in this universe, his behavior was more of a factor in his hiatus than him practically begging to leave the group because ash is more resigned to the fact that he chose to sign back on with bc and that that’s on him. instead, there was more of a push by his manager, who knew that ash was on the road to a major scandal if action wasn’t taken.

almost all of his conflicts are internal right now. he’s become successful enough that external factors other than the large umbrella of having to remain in titan can be negotiated, but he’s too tired to do so because of everything going on inside of him. there’s a lot of negative feelings going on inside of him, and he’s trying to deal with them one by one, but it’s hard to see the weight of them easing that way.

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

ash has been able to establish himself a little more as a songwriter and producer outside of his solo music. he wrote “universe” for titan in 2017, and after that, as promised, bc hooking him up with the right opportunities and connections to establish himself more. since then, in addition to his heavy involvement in his solo music (his 2020 album lovesick was entirely written/composed/produced by him alone), he’s worked on calypso’s “rollin’” in 2018, polaris’s “fake love” (a korean music awards song of the year!) and “the truth untold” in 2019, and lily’s “i’m so sick” this year. i’m planning on more being added there with these extra ecp and maybe some refunded since i think i’m going to drop some of his points claims to streamline his career better.

his canon discography creative claims reflect his progression as a songwriter, from very earnest and romantic to more sensual to very uhhh angsty and personal to developing a more polished and professional sound as he grew in experience as a songwriter and producer.

ash is praised for having several representative works as a songwriter that all speak to his individual style, and ash is happy with what he’s gotten to do since he does genuinely enjoy working as a songwriter and producer.

he’s planning to continue branching out in this direction, so look for quite a lot of ash dabbling in canon discographies in the future. before, i’d say ash’s primary push was solo music, but my plan for him is for songwriting and producing to be his main career path from now on with solo music as a close secondary.

[uncommoncold]

Cowardice

Summary: In the aftermath of sharing a bed with Seonghwa, Yeosang struggles to find his feet and the truth in himself.

Word Count: 3.3k

Content Warning: Soul Mate!AU, Dom Park Seonghwa, Sub Kang Yeosang, Rough Kissing, Angst, Fluff, Drama

Yeosang had decided that he was a coward.

It had been three days since he had slept with Seonghwa and today he had to go to his parents for the weekend. In that time, he had spent all of his time out of the house, only coming home once he was sure that Seonghwa would be asleep and only coming out of his room after he was gone. He left a note telling him that he was busy before the holidays. He knew that Seonghwa would be going home for the holidays as well. He always did.

The truth of it was, he didn’t know how to face him after what he had done. Surely Seonghwa was going to ask him to leave when he finally saw him. He had been doing his best to try to find another place to live but he was in the same place he was before. He didn’t have a deposit and he still needed something cheap that would allow him access to public transport and the school. In essence, he was homeless again. 

How could he have done something so impossibly stupid? He knew he was only half awake and he knew that whatever he had been dreaming was responsible for his actions. His dreams had never caused him problems before, why were they now? Was it somehow happening because of the impending meeting of his soul mark? How could someone who he had never met possibly be the person he was destined to be with. He understood how it worked but logically, he couldn’t wrap his brain around it.

After talking to his father, he understood his mother’s insistence. His mother … Yoo Dan-ah liked money and it seemed as though this person who was supposedly his destiny was very rich. Never mind that his parents already lived quite comfortably and that his grandmother was extremely rich, she was willing to send her son off into misery for the prospect of more money. His family had never been close but he had never had anything really against his mother until now. He was her son. His father, Kang Dohyun asked him not to think ill of his mother as they had resigned themselves to his fate long ago and that his mother thought that it was unavoidable.

Unavoidable or not, there was no need to rush it. This woman, Bo Seulhee was a chaebol heir and that wasn’t the kind of money his parents had. His mother coveted it. What did it matter if her son was miserable now or in ten years? Every time he thought about it, it made him angry. He wanted to talk to Seonghwa about it, being his best friend he knew his situation but … He just couldn’t. Why did he have to do something so stupid?

The front door opened and closed. Yeosang rolled over and looked at the clock, he had an hour before he needed to get up technically. He could smell the food that Seonghwa had left for him. He was such a coward. He didn’t want to see the accusation and disgust in his best friend’s eyes. He didn’t want to hear him say those words banishing him from the house and his life. He heaved a heavy sigh and sat up.

At that moment, he hated himself and the life that he believed fate had laid out for him. Why couldn’t a man write his own fate? Why did he have to be destined for something other than what his own will dictated? He climbed out of bed and pulled out his bag and packed a couple of changes of clothes. He didn’t need to pack toiletries, he was going home after all. He zipped up his bag and checked the train times again and the ticket he had purchased. He had time to eat before he left. He could grab something on the way but he wasn’t about to pass up the food that Seonghwa had left for him. He liked his homestyle cooking and he liked that someone cared enough about him to get up early to make him breakfast.

Both of his parents worked and he had always been on his own in the mornings when it came to breakfast and often on his own when it came to dinner unless he went to his grandmother’s house after school, which he’d done frequently.

He finished dressing and picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, taking a look at his room. He really did love this house. For all of its structural failings and its diminutive size, he had been so happy here. No matter what happened, he had a feeling his time here was coming to an end. He took a deep breath and opened his door and walked out into the living room.

Much to his great surprise, Seonghwa was sitting at the kitchen table nursing a cup of tea. His stomach dropped.

Seonghwa looked up at him, his expression unreadable.

Not really sure what to do, he stared back at him for a few seconds before remembering how words worked. “I’m heading to my parents house for the weekend. I’ll be back Sunday night.”

Seonghwa stood up and walked over to him. “Are you angry with me?”

“What?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I haven-”

“Then what do you call it? There hasn’t been a time in all the months we’ve lived together that I haven’t seen you for a whole day. This house just isn’t big enough for that and our schedules don’t clash that much.” Seonghwa didn’t look angry, he just looked hurt.

That was worse than being angry. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt him. This was not a conversation he wanted to have right now. He was dreading this weekend more than words could say and the last thing in the world he wanted was to be homeless and without his friend while he had it. At least if he could put off this conversation then he could pretend he still had a home and his best friend. “I-” he heaved a sigh and tried again. “I’m sorry.”

“Is it because of what happened between us?” Seonghwa asked.

Yeosang looked startled then lowered his head.

Seonghwa’s heart clenched. So that was what it was. He knew it but had been hoping that he was wrong, that it was just the stress of meeting the person who was supposed to be his life partner or any one of a dozen other things. “Are you just planning on avoiding me forever then?”

“I’m sorry. You’re so nice.” Yeosang said again. “I’ll move out Monday. I didn’t mean for things to get like this. You’re so kind and giving and just so nice, I couldn’t impose on you anymore.”

Unable to look up, he kept his eyes trained on the floor and walked past Seonghwa toward the door, their shoulders brushing as he passed. He hadn’t gotten more than a couple of steps when a hand closed on his arm and he found himself flung backward with some velocity, his back colliding with the wall. The wind was temporarily knocked from his lungs. A hand found its way into his hair, forcefully pulling his head back as Seonghwa’s lips crushed down against his own. He heard the sound of his bag clattering to the floor as he reached for Seonghwa, returning his kiss desperately. Seonghwa’s body pressed against him, his cock instantly swelling in answer.

“I’m not always so nice…” The words came in a breathless whisper and they slithered their way in a shiver down Yeosang’s spine and straight to his cock.

He shivered and leaned back into the heat of that kiss. But this time he was not half asleep, he realized what he was doing and pulled away in abject shock. He tried to find the words but nothing came out. He pushed Seonghwa away, grabbed his bag and coat before running out the front door.

Seonghwa stood watching the closed door for a moment, “Fuck!” He whipped around and swept an arm across the nearby shelf knocking myriad items to the ground. He turned and leaned against the wall he had recently pinned Yeosang to, sliding down to the ground and burying his head in his hands.

He understood now. Yeosang wanted him but he was afraid. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was afraid of but he was terrified. It was a toss up as to whether he was more afraid of what he felt with Seonghwa or what he faced with his possible soul mark. He licked his lips, remembering the desperation and rabid hunger in Yeosang’s kiss. If he could keep him from going, then he could take all of the time that Yeosang needed, he could wait a lifetime for him. If… There was still that woman. If she truly was his soul mark then where did that put him? He didn’t know if Yeosang loved him but he wanted him and that, for now, was enough. He just needed time that he might not have. Was he scared enough that it might drive him to do something rash? He should have just let him go and talked to him when he came back. He had crushes before but he had never been in love before and it was true what they said, it did make you crazy. If he had been in his right mind, he wouldn’t have done that.

All he could hope for now was that Yeosang would actually come back. He looked over at the things he had knocked to the ground and sighed before moving to clean up.

***

Yeosang ran all of the way to the station, only stopping when he reached the platform. He hadn’t grabbed his hat or his scarf and hadn’t even stopped to put his coat on. He did that before slumping down onto a very cold bench. He shifted to put the tail of his coat between him and the cold surface. No one had ever kissed him like that before. He had never felt anything like that before. It wasn’t just passion, it was beyond that. He had been completely consumed by flames he hadn’t even known existed.

Just thinking about it made him instantly hard.

If he hadn’t come to his senses… What would have happened? What did he want to happen? There was no question that Seonghwa desired him. But that just opened a whole other can of worms he wasn’t sure he was ready to open. He knew now that he just had to get through this weekend. He would just put it out of his mind now and deal with the problems at hand.

God he really didn’t want to go home right now. He wished that he could just go to his grandfather’s old cabin in the woods. His grandmother would get mad at his grandfather and send him off to fish. His grandfather had always credited that place with saving his marriage and maybe his life. His grandmother was always sweet to him but she had a temper on her, just like his mother did. He wanted time to be away and just think or better yet, not think anything at all. His life was suddenly going a lot faster than he wanted it to in a direction he wasn’t sure he liked.

He hadn’t even been able to eat breakfast.

Yeosang sighed.

The train ride to his parents house was a long one, made even longer on an empty stomach. He tried to sleep but everytime he closed his eyes, he felt the heat of Seonghwa’s body, the urgency of his kiss, the burning need that seared them both. Was it need? Could it have been called anything else? No, no, he wasn’t going to think about that now. He picked up his phone, half hoping to see a message from Seonghwa. There was nothing.

He opened his phone and looked at the picture of Bo Seulhee his mother sent him. She was a beautiful woman and if things were different, he might have been interested or at least feeling something other than dread. However, if things were different, then she wouldn’t have been interested in him. A chaebol heir would not be interested in the son of an office manager and a banking executive. Sure his parents were well to do but they weren’t crazy rich. His grandmother was rich but she still wasn’t chaebol heir rich.  

Maybe she wasn’t sure about this whole thing either. That would be a relief, if she thought the whole idea was as stupid as he did. He didn’t know her and all he could summon up was a feeling of resentment. He couldn’t conceive of dating her let alone marrying her.

He really didn’t want to go home. Instead he took a cab to his grandmother’s house. He crept into the sitting room where his grandmother was reading and put his hands over her eyes, “Guess who.”

“I’d know my little puppy anywhere.” His grandmother caught his hand and drew him around from behind her chair. “But why are you here? I thought you were going home to meet your soulmate.”

“I still am, I just missed you.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek before turning and grabbing a chair to pull up beside her.

“Are you hungry? I can have cook make something for you.” Before he could even answer, she called for her assistant to tell the kitchen to make something for Yeosang. Within fifteen minutes, he had a giant meal in front of him with his grandmother sitting beside him. Since she had already eaten lunch, she sipped a cup of coffee and told him about what all of his old friends were up to. How she happened to know, he couldn’t say. It always seemed like she knew everything about everyone.

“Now, tell me the reason you’re really here.” His grandmother said, giving him a knowing look over the top of her stylish glasses.

He sighed. “I can never keep anything from you.”

“No you can’t, so let’s hear it.” She smiled and squeezed his hand warmly.

“I-” He had always told his grandmother everything. She was the only person in his family he was close with. He just wasn’t sure how to broach this particular subject.

“Is it about your soul mark?” she asked.

“Yes- I mean no. I mean… It’s part of it but not all of it.” He fixed her with a steady gaze and asked, “Do you think I’m weird? That there’s something wrong with me?”

She looked taken aback, “Why in the world would you ask me that? You know I think you’re perfect.” Out of the whole family, she was sure he was the only one that had a heart, he was the only one she was proud of. She had always been disappointed in her own children and most of her grandchildren. Her daughter had chosen a decent man and she could only attribute Yeosang’s goodness to him. Her daughter was and had always been a cold woman who cared little for anything outside of money and appearances. Some of that was her fault but there was little she could do about it at this point.

He smiled but quickly grew solemn again, “I think… I think I like someone.”

“And it’s not this girl you’re meeting?”

Yeosang shook his head.

“You’re not sure you like her?”

Yeosang opened and closed his mouth before reaching to have a sip of the water on the table in front of him. “I don’t- No, I do know. I like him . ”

His grandmother was a shrewd woman, he knew he didn’t need to say anything more. He had said enough. If there was anyone in his family who wouldn’t shun him, it was her. If she shunned him then …

His grandmother’s eyes grew wide and she took a long drink of her coffee, draining it before setting it back down. She cleared her throat and studied Yeosang for a long moment. “Pup…” she began carefully. “Does he like you?”

Yeosang let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He almost felt faint with relief. “I think he does but … I’m scared.” he looked down at the table, “I’m a coward.”

His grandmother reached up and cupped her soft, warm hand against his cheek, “It’s not being a coward when you’ve got something you’re genuinely afraid you’ll lose. It’s not my place to say what you should or shouldn’t do. If you really like this young man then you’re going to have to decide whether pursuing that relationship is worth it to you. No matter what you decide though, you’ll always be my favorite little puppy and if you bring this young man to meet me, I’ll welcome him into my home… No matter what.”

“Grandma…” Yeosang drew a shuddering breath and a tear trickled down his cheek. The one person in the world he could count on to love him without bounds and without question had accepted in him what he hadn’t accepted in himself. His grandmother wiped away his tears and raised her other hand to squish his cheeks and force him into a kissy face. He rolled his eyes and she laughed in genuine merriment.

When she released him, she fished a tissue out of her pocket and handed it to him to wipe his face.

“What about my soul mark?” He asked.

“What about her?”

“Mom wants me to meet her this weekend.” He really didn’t want to.

“Yeosang, is your mother marrying her?”

“Well… no.”

“Then don’t you worry about Yoo Dan-ah. If it’s true that she really is your soul mark and you’re destined to be together, then it’ll happen whether you meet her this weekend or not. I will say though, that if you meet her now and don’t like her, it will be much easier to tell your mother no. She’ll just keep bothering you.” His grandmother stood up and waited for him to do so as well.

She was right. If he avoided meeting Bo Seulhee now, his mother would just call him and harass him daily and might even bring her to his school or something equally annoying. He stood up and she linked her arm through his as they walked back toward the sitting room.

“Now, before you go, tell me all about this young man of yours. Is he a good boy?”

He looked at her in surprise as she asked about Seonghwa. He chuckled, “Yes, he’s one of the kindest, most generous people I’ve ever met. Do you want to see a picture of him?”

Yeosang stayed with his grandmother until dinner time, when his mother called to ask where he was. He was hoping his grandmother would go with him for moral support but it was a rare day that his mother and grandmother were in the same room that it was comfortable. Knowing that, he didn’t ask and merely bid her adieu with a promise to call her once he got home. Of course there was the whole problem of the fact that he had told Seonghwa he was moving out and had been avoiding him for days. He would be well within his rights to just let him go. Now that he knew and acknowledged he liked him, he felt even worse about the whole thing. He had taken his fear and self loathing out on Seonghwa and that hadn’t been fair to him.

God... He liked Seonghwa. He would deal with that after the next impending nightmare, meeting his soul mark. How were you supposed to greet someone who was supposed to be responsible for making your life hell?

Other stories can be found on my Master List.

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2020

it’s that time of year again! *saddest toot from the party horn*

for those of you just joining us: it’s a “consume a different content every week for 48 weeks of the year” challenge. for a longer explanation, check out last year’s write-up here, and as always, feel free to pop in and ask questions about any and all of this content.

(same disclaimer as last year too: content for this project ONLY here, and not certain...*looks at my billion Sad Cop Lady posts*...hyperfixations.)

(man remember when i was big into X-Men comics earlier this year? better times than these, if only because no one's discoursing about Emma Frost’s woobie/war criminal ratio anymore--her w/w, if you will)

(...i swear at one point i didn’t exclusively like platinum blondes but alas)

Bitter Root (comic, 1 issue finished 1/1/2020): still very cool on a basic concept level, but runs into the Image Comics problem of just not having enough content to keep my interest beyond that. part of that is on me, for picking it up again BEFORE the second arc rolled out, but the first five issues didn’t really follow (or resolve) any cohesive story either, so...meh.

Immortal Hulk (comic, 3 trades finished 1/17/2020): still not gonna be something i care deeply about (maybe one of Bruce’s Hulksonas dyed his hair???), but i do want to give kudos to Al Ewing for sheer consistency in terms of sustaining this level of quality storytelling month by month for more than two years now. working with the dense archive of the Hulk mythos and managing to make it interesting and thoughtful is impressive even if i personally would not expend the same effort.

Disco Elysium (game, finished 1/18/2020): honestly i should have twigged onto what this year was gonna be like when the third thing i drew from the barrel was pure uncut Eastern European flavored depression. i faintly recall people ragging on it for being pretentiously cynical, but i actually thought its core slid more towards idealism than people give it credit for. also gratified that i haven’t heard anything about Robert Kurvitz using slave labor to finish it, which is a thing we have to say about our video games now!!! fun.

Watchmen (TV, 7 episodes finished 1/27/2020): i am a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof and I WAS RIGHT!!! honestly still cannot believe that he pulled off this highwire act with such deft aplomb. might be my favorite TV this year, which is a pretty high bar given how much TV i ended up watching.

On a Sunbeam (comic, finished 2/1/2020): Tillie Walden rightly deserves all the praise for inventive queer storytelling, but i will say that on reread--since i first read this as a webcomic--there ARE some issues with pacing here that clearly come from the foibles of its original intended medium. still just excellent, even if after some plot significant haircuts i was having trouble telling a few folks apart.

Lazarus (comic, 1 trade finished 2/8/2020): it’s so good and i want moooooorrrreee--though obviously Rucka and Lark have the right to take all the time they need. the newer longer issues work really well with the epic prestige drama vibes of the story! i’m into it.

The Good Place (TV, 4 seasons finished 2/18/2020): i’m gonna be super honest: i actually wasn’t a big fan of the finale, nor the last season as a whole. it felt like all of Eleanor’s flaws vanished for a majority of the season, and the Chidi-centric episode where they tried to give a legible justification for why he’s Like This was...i didn’t care for it. still, it’s so good and unique on the WHOLE that we’ll literally never get anything like this ever again, and that counts for a lot.

The Old Republic (game, finished 2/21/2020): it’s an MMO so it will never actually Be Finished so long as the servers aren’t shut down, but i caught up on the content i’d missed in the intervening months. Onslaught thus far has mostly been...kinda bland tbh; going back to Imps vs. Rebs after all the shakeups in the previous expansions feels like a waste.

High Road (album, finished 2/22/2020): someone should tell Kesha not to say that word!! otherwise i was very happy with this album, and happy FOR her even though we don’t know each other. being able to find joy again in the same genre of music you made while you were being horrifically exploited is very cool.

Young Justice (TV, 13 episodes finished 2/28/2020): given how much the middle stuff dragged--STOP KILLING YOUR HIJABI CHARACTER IN HORRIFIC WAYS--i was...actually kinda mad by how the end managed to stick the landing anyway. the day being saved by Vic’s self-acceptance and Violet’s sublime compassion was A+, and even the Brion/Tara switchup was a pleasant surprise, though it relied on me caring about Brion MUCH MORE than i actually did.

Manic (album, finished 2/29/2020): do people still care for/about Halsey? i feel like even That One Song that was on every tumblr gifset ever has kinda faded into obscurity at this point. this album was...okay. i feel like people give Halsey a pass for extremely obvious lyrical turns that they wouldn’t for other folks because of her subject material--which is fine. not really my cup of tea, but i also listened to lots of Relient K this year, so that’s probably a good thing.

Jade Empire (game, 3/10/2020): the only 3D-era Bioware game that didn’t franchise out, and for good fucking reason!!! the Orientalism and appropriation really haven’t aged well, and even beyond that the story was...standard Bioware faire. even my usual “my wife’s a bitch i love her” Bioware type didn’t do it for me, and i just ended up romancing no one. it did make me think a lot about what level of cultural borrowing is accepted nowadays, and why: people still look fondly at Avatar and talk about how ~accurate and respectful it was, for example, despite it being staffed almost entirely by white folks, and the Orientalism ALL OVER the monk class in DND is still fine for some reason.

Alif the Unseen (book, finished 3/31/2020): interesting to have read this AFTER reading The Bird King last year, because it highlights how the intervening years have shifted G. Willow Wilson’s thematic interest and improved her craft. i’m actually quite fond of how her characterization work is rougher here--Alif is extremely flawed to the point of being insufferable, but it makes his development by the end more satisfying. Dina is also just good and i love her

Baldur’s Gate (2 games, finished 5/31/2020): well, having finally finished the series i’m happy to say that it...still doesn’t really do it for me, sorry. any awesome story moments were overshadowed by the EXCRUCIATING inventory management system and the combat (i still don’t know what a THAC0 is and at this point i’m afraid to find out). these games crucially lack the Home Base that later Bioware games were so good about, and that (coupled with the huge cast of characters you can drop off and never see again) really hurts the intimacy for me. by the time we finally did get one it was the Hell Dimension in Throne of Bhaal, and i was just...trying to get through it. (yes, i did just say that about one of the most beloved expansions ever to one of the most beloved games ever.) THIS particular iteration of “my wife’s a bitch i love her” was very good, but the game wouldn’t let me romance her :(

The Underground Railroad (book, finished 6/19/2020): honestly what is there even left to say at this point! it was exactly as good as every critic on the planet said it was, even with my usual aversion to hype. draining and horrifying in turns but still insistent upon a future for Black folks.

Steven Universe (6 seasons and a mooooooviiieeee, finished 7/11/2020): yes, i DID finish the show and almost immediately begin a rewatch. this series is now one of my top five most formative things, and the amount of love and respect i have for it is incalculable. that said: i once again did not love how the central conflict of Future was resolved (just the resolution--i loved the finale just fine). for all of Steven’s breakdown was built up, resolving it with “EVERYONE HUG HIM UNTIL HE CRIES” felt...cheap, especially since up until this point the show had been so good about treating trauma and mental illness with the respect and nuance it deserves. it made me wish some of the earlier, less substantial episodes had been cut so we could spend more time at the end.

What It Is (comic, finished 8/19/2020): y’all i love Lynda Barry SO MUCH. for the longest time i was worried that One Hundred Demons was more a lightning in a bottle situation but every book of hers i pick up makes me feel obscure emotions i didn’t even realize existed. the compassionate way she’s able to describe her child self and how weird and fucked up she was (and still is) is honestly aspirational.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (TV, 5 seasons finished 9/26/2020): so here’s a reversal of what i’ve been complaining about with other shows: i was mostly lukewarm-to-warm about She-Ra, but the later seasons and the finale made me much more into it as a whole. more shows should improve in stakes and overall quality as they age tbh!! i still don’t actively love Catradora (my sole quibble with season 5 actually has to do with the way Adora kept backsliding as a character to make certain Plot/Relationship things happen), but i’m very happy for them nonetheless. i can certainly appreciate a show that will go for High Feeling over tight plot. dark horse standout moments: trees growing everywhere proving that Perfuma Was Right, and Hordak and Adora seeing each other--that weirdly intimate moment of recognition.

Fetch the Bolt Cutters (album, finished 10/7/2020): again i find myself not having much to say that no one else has said. it’s good! once again love it when an artist reclaims something they’d attached with negative affect (anxiety, depression, disordered eating) for better and brighter things.

Solutions and Other Problems (comic, finished 10/25/2020): i was very into Allie Brosh’s ambition with this book, which feels weird to say but i stand by it. it’s cool to see an artist try to make a new medium work for them instead of just sticking to what already works. not all the experimentation was 100% effective, but it was still delightful and occasionally devastating to read, so.

Legend of Zelda (3 games: Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Link Between Worlds, finished 11/1/2020): this was the third time i’d played Ocarina of Time, which made it the nice, comforting groove i settled into before Majora’s Mask blatted me in the face. i’m not usually a completionist Zelda person because...the gameplay in Zelda is bad, do not at me it just is, but i really felt like i HAD to be one for Majora’s Mask since the whole point is to get attached to the banalities of the town. i’m sure nobody’s surprised that i loved it, even if it gave me an existential crisis about how life goes on in the game for NPCs when you’re not there to save them from it, and there’s not enough time to save them all all the time (also not a surprise to anyone: Romani and Cremia gave Personal Feelings). Link Between Worlds...bad. not like in a “this is a bad story by every measurable gauge” way, but i was already struggling with the 2D playstyle shift enough that for the whole story to end with some “yes it’s v sad that Lorule is Like This but trying to steal Hyrule’s privilege is Even Worse Actually” noblesse oblige bullshit left a VERY poor taste in my mouth, this year of all years. i did audibly gasp when Ravio took off his mask, though. i’m currently playing Breath of the Wild in cautious increments; it’s the first time i’ve enjoyed early Zelda gameplay, but if they wanted fully voiced cutscenes i wish they got voice actors who...knew what words sound like.

folklore (album, finished 11/6/2020): my belief that Taylor Swift is Just Fine continues, i’m afraid. i LIKED this album, don’t get me wrong, and respect her constant drive to innovate, but i didn’t love it substantially more or less than any other Taylor Swift album. mostly i’m just tickled by how she thinks leaning into the indie aesthetic means borrowing Vita Sackville-West’s entire wardrobe, though i will admit to feeling Something when she swore in a song. i think it was like. savage vindication?? you go ahead and swear, Taylor Swift. you deserve it.

Shore (album, finished 11/19/2020): do people still care about the Fleet Foxes? i think there was some Drama with Josh Tillman a while back but i don’t remember where the discourse landed with who was being more problematic. it was nostalgic for me to listen to their new album--made me remember being an undergrad who exclusively listened to men who mumbled and played acoustic guitar all over again.

Star Wars (3 movies: original trilogy, finished 11/27/2020): there is So Much bad Star Wars these days that every time i rewatch the original trilogy i’m afraid that they will suddenly be bad, but guess what! they’re not. i love these children and their hot mess stories, i love that Lando doesn’t know how to say his best friend’s name. what stood out to me this time was the way Obi-Wan described the Force in A New Hope, which strongly implied that ANYONE can be Force Sensitive; that obviously faded with each subsequent movie, but part of me does wish they’d kept it.

X of Swords (comics, 22 issues finished 12/5/2020): i am enjoying Hickman’s X-lines!!! not so much here for the Grand Conspiracy or whatever, but the character work and highkey weirdness is fabulous--they FEEL like X-Men, despite all the shakeups in-universe. this crossover is a nice microcosm of all that: grandiloquently all over the place, but still full of cool standout moments and genuine hilarity. ILLYANA DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL MAGIC.

Fire Emblem (4 games: Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Awakening, finished 12/14/2020): this was the thing that i was closest to giving up early on, but i ended up hyperfixating on it instead. that’s a credit to what the gameplay does to my lizard brain more than anything else, because the story and character writing is...insipid. it was very bizarre to witness this franchise blunder around with its animal-people racism allegory around the same time i was getting back into RWBY, and ITS animal-people racism allegory blunders. Awakening was the first time i felt anything for the franchise beyond “teehee red units disappear make exp bar go up and brain go ding,” so i’m excited for more mature storytelling in subsequent games (they MUST get better. they MUST). the child husbandry thing is...very bad tho, and Apotheosis being “challenging” entirely through the game changing all the rules is also bad.

once again no vidya games that came out this year--i’ll probably pick up Spiritfarer or Hades after the New Year, though (or maybe TLOU II! but probably not. sry Laura and Ashley). more TV and franchises this year, which made me feel In Touch with the Children but was also kinda exhausting. nothing was so egregiously terrible i dropped it without finishing! in a year like this that feels almost like an accomplishment

[psychicanchortimemachine]

A Time To Transition: Hybrid Apps And React Native?

Like musicians, all professionals must often question their methodologies and spot what other options exist. If one method become previously the pleasant, that doesn't suggest it stays the first-rate. Then again, many established strategies had been the exceptional for many years and might by no means be surpassed. The critical aspect is that one is willing to don't forget opportunity techniques and isn't too heavily biased toward the one they may be most familiar with. This evaluation is frequently more hard in software improvement because new frameworks and technology emerge nearly as quickly as they die off.

This article will observe this analysis to hybrid cell apps and present why I without a doubt agree with that React Native is in many ways a advanced solution for apps developed in 2017, although it introduces some temporary pains even as you’re getting acclimated. To do this, we are able to revisit why hybrid apps have been created initially and discover how we got to this point. Then, inside this context, we’ll talk how React Native stacks up and provide an explanation for why it is the better technique in maximum cases.

An Origin Story

It’s 2010. Your business enterprise has a pretty awesome net utility that uses jQuery (or, if you’re hip, some sort of

AngularJS

and React precursor like Mustache). You have a team of builders in a position in HTML, CSS and JavaScript. All of a sudden, cell apps are taking over. Everyone has one. Mobile apps are the new Tickle Me Elmo! You frantically studies a way to make your own mobile app and right away run into a host of issues. Your team is ill-prepared for the task. You don’t have Java or Objective-C developers. You can’t have the funds for to develop, check and deploy two separate apps! Not to worry. The

hybrid

cellular app is your silver bullet. This brilliant new technology lets in you to quick and (in theory) easily reuse what you have (code and builders) on your lustrous new cell app. So, you choose a framework (Cordova, PhoneGap, etc.) and get to work building or porting your first cellular app! For many organizations and builders, their troubles have been solved. They should now make their very own cellular apps.

Problems Arise

Ever due to the fact that 2010, developer forums, blogs and message boards were complete of arguments approximately the efficacy of hybrid apps. Despite the excellent promise and flexibility described within the preceding paragraphs, hybrid apps have had and maintain to face a completely actual collection of challenges and shortcomings. Here are a few of the maximum outstanding problems

USER-EXPERIENCE SHORTCOMINGS

Over the beyond couple of years, the bar for UX in cellular apps has risen dramatically. Most smartphone proprietors spend the majority in their time using most effective a handful of premiere apps. They, perhaps unfairly, count on any new app they try to be as polished as Facebook, MLB TV, YouTube and Uber. With this very high bar, it is quite difficult for hybrid apps to measure up. Issues such as sluggish or restrained animations, keyboard misbehavior and frequent lack of platform-precise gesture recognition all add as much as a clunkier experience, which makes hybrid apps second-magnificence citizens. Compounding this issue is hybrid apps’ reliance at the open-source community to write wrappers for local functionality. Here is a screenshot from an app that highlights all of these issues. This app was decided on from Ionic’s show off and was created with the aid of Morgan Stanley.

A few things ought to be at once apparent. This app has a totally low rating (2.5 stars). It does not look like a cell app and is simply a port of a cell internet app. Clear giveaways are the non-native segmented control, font size, textual content density and non-native tab bar. The app does no longer support features which can be greater effortlessly implemented when constructing natively. Most importantly, customers are noticing all of these troubles and are summarizing their feelings as “feels outdated.”

USER INTERFACE CHALLENGES

The majority of users are very short to uninstall or forget new apps. It is vital that your app makes a wonderful first impact and is without problems understood with the aid of customers. A large part of this is about looking sharp and being familiar. Hybrid apps can look awesome, but they do have a tendency to be greater platform-agnostic in their UI (if they appear to be a web app) or foreign (if they appear like an iOS app on Android or vice versa). Before even installing an app, many would-be clients will review photos within the app store. If those screenshots are unappealing or off-putting, the app won't be downloaded at all. Here is an instance app observed at the Ionic showcase. This app changed into created by Nationwide, and, as you could tell, each apps look just like a mobile-pleasant website, instead of a cellular app.

It is obvious from the app save reviews (3 stars on both platforms) that this app has numerous issues, however it is not likely that any app with this UI might attract new customers. It is clearly best used by existing customers who think they might as well strive it out.

PERFORMANCE ISSUES

The most not unusual complaints approximately hybrid apps cite terrible performance, insects and crashes. Of course, any app could have these troubles, however performance issues have long plagued hybrid apps. Additionally, hybrid apps frequently have less offline support, can take longer to open and perform worse in negative network conditions. Any developer has heard any of the above called a “bug” and has had their app publicly penalized as a result.

OVERALL LACK OF PREMIER APPS

All of these troubles have added up to the great majority of most useful apps being written natively. A quick have a look at each PhoneGap’s and Ionic’s showcases exhibit a considerable shortcoming in greatest apps. One of the most relatively touted hybrid apps is Untappd, which notwithstanding being a pretty brilliant platform, has fewer than 5 million downloads. This might appear like a massive number, however it puts it pretty a long way down the list of maximum used apps. Additionally, there may be a lengthy list of apps that have migrated from hybrid to local. That list includes Facebook, TripAdvisor, Uber, Instagram and many others. It would be quite challenging to find a listing of high-cease apps which have moved from local to hybrid.

FINAL DEFENCE OF HYBRID APPS

The point of this section isn't to be overly essential of hybrid apps, however to show that there's room for an alternative method. Hybrid apps were a very vital technology and have been used successfully in lots of cases. Returning to the Ionic showcase, there are numerous apps that look higher than those above. Baskin Robbins, Pacifica and Sworkit are three recent examples. For the past four years, hybrid app builders and frameworks were working tough to enhance their apps, and they have completed an admirable job. However, underlying troubles and foundational shortcomings remain, and ultimately better options can be determined if you’re constructing a new app in 2017.

Another Approach

Although it is clear that hybrid apps do no longer quite stack up towards native apps, their benefits and achievement can’t be ignored. They assist resolve very real resource, time and talents issues. If there was another method that solved these equal troubles, while additionally eliminating the shortcomings of hybrid apps, that could be extraordinarily appealing. React Native might just be the answer.

OVERVIEW AND ADVANTAGES

React Native is a cross-platform mobile application development framework that builds at the popular React web development framework. Like React, React Native is an open-source assignment maintained largely by builders at Facebook and Instagram. This framework is used to create Android and iOS applications with a shared JavaScript code base. When growing React Native apps, all of your commercial enterprise good judgment, API calls and kingdom management live in JavaScript. The UI elements and their styling are genericized to your code however are rendered because the native views. This allows you to get a high diploma of code reuse and now have a UI that follows each platform’s style guide and quality practices. React Native additionally permits you to write platform-particular code, common sense and styling as needed. This could be as easy as having platform-precise React components or as superior as using a platform-specific C library on your React Native app.

SIMILARITIES TO HYBRID APPS

Like hybrid app frameworks, React Native allows actual cross-platform development. Instagram has shared that it is seeing between eighty five and 99% code reuse for its React Native projects. Additionally, React Native is built using technologies (JavaScript and React) that many web developers will be acquainted with. In the event that a developer is not familiar with React, it's far a dramatically less complicated to analyze if they're acquainted with AngularJS, jQuery or vanilla JavaScript than it would be to examine Objective-C or Java. Additionally, debugging React Native apps need to additionally be a acquainted manner for web developers. This is because it's far exceptionally clean to use Chrome’s debugging gear to monitor a code’s behavior. Chrome tools can be used whilst viewing apps in an emulator or on actual devices. As an brought bonus, developers also can use more native debuggers as needed. The major takeaway here is that React Native solves the equal core issues that hybrid app frameworks set out to remedy.

FURTHER IMPROVEMENTS OVER HYBRID APPS

Unlike hybrid apps, React Native apps run natively, instead of within a web view. This means they are no longer confined to web-based UI factors, which may be slow when paired with a poor JavaScript interpreter. Because React Native renders local UI factors, apps right now feel more at home on the platform and make the user greater snug on first use. Additionally, developer fine of life can be progressed with React Native through more whole use of local tooling and profiling utilities. Below is screenshots of a recently launched React Native app. These pictures highlight the platform-unique interface that may be achieved the usage of this framework. As you may see, each app uses its local map and has callouts that follow every platform’s design guidelines. On Android, the callout is a card that rises from the lowest of the map. On iOS, the callout connects to the selected detail on the map. The equal actions may be completed in both apps, and most of the code is shared, but that extra bit of platform-particular polish definitely enables with standard usability.  HOW Would YOU DO?

Below is a sample feature called React Native. It displays some specific elements that make up React Native apps and highlights areas web developers may already learn about. The code snippet is followed by a description of what each section does.

Much of the code above ought to be acquainted to maximum web developers. The massive majority of the code is simply JavaScript. Much of the rendering logic will be new, but the migration from HTML to the React Native views is quite straightforward. Additionally, the style attributes are quite similar to CSS. Let’s stroll through some of this code: kingdom

State is an object that carries the various values that our issue MovieList needs to function. When nation properties are changed (the usage of this.SetState()), the entire aspect is re-rendered to reflect the ones changes.

ComponentWillMount

ComponentWillMount is a lifestyle characteristic that is known as prior to the thing being rendered. Initial network requests often belong in this function.

_fetchMovies

This feature makes a community request that returns an array of film objects. After it successfully completes, it updates country with the listing and sets loading to false. Note that it also units the preliminary filteredMovies to the returned list.

_applyFilter

This function is referred to as by our imported SearchBar element. For simplicity’s sake, assume that this function is known as (probable with some debounce) every time the value typed into the SearchBar factor is changed. This feature just carries some JavaScript that filters the filteredMovies listing to the applicable titles.

_renderTitleRow

This function outputs the view for a unmarried movie. It incorporates a few good judgment to make sure our output is uniform and renders a basic text thing.

Render()

This function outputs the view for the factor. It conditionally renders the listing of movies or a loading animation, relying at the loading fee stored inside the kingdom object.

WHO IS DOING THIS?

When deciding a way to build your personal application, it is crucial to learn from enterprise leaders. Other companies and developers would possibly have wasted years and millions of dollars building applications, and in minutes you may research from their errors and experiences. Here is a quick list of some huge businesses which can be using React Native in their apps: Facebook, Instagram, Airbnb, Baidu, Discord, Tencent, Uber and Twitter. Many of those apps were at the beginning written using other approaches however have transitioned fully to React Native or are now the use of React Native to enhance their present local applications. There is a extraordinary fashion of many most appropriate apps being moved to React Native as a cross-platform solution, whereas, previously, most generation shifts amongst this magnificence of apps were from cross-platform to platform-specific. This change genuinely can’t be ignored.

What Should You Do Now?

Just just like the musician who has to rethink their method to progress, so too must cell app developers reconsider their technologies. It is vital that we make decisions based at the high-quality options to be had and no longer rely totally on our familiarities. Even if the transition is uncomfortable initially, our industry and the app marketplace are highly competitive and demand that we preserve to progress. React Native is a highly attractive generation that mixes the reusability and cost-effectiveness of hybrid apps with the polish and performance of local apps. It is seeing fast adoption and must be considered as an alternative technique for any upcoming would-be hybrid apps.  As a reputed Software Solutions Developer we have expertise in providing dedicated remote and outsourced technical resources for software services at very nominal cost. Besides experts in full stacks We also build web solutions, mobile apps and work on system integration, performance enhancement, cloud migrations and big data analytics. Don’t hesitate to

get in touch with us!

[v-thinks-on]

Six Feet Apart

Note: Now for something a little bit different. I didn’t expect to write quarantine fic, but I was thinking about how Jeeves and Wooster usually keep a little bit of physical distance between them, and was wondering if actually being forced to keep that distance might change things, and so this happened.

There was no way around it; old Bertram had fallen ill. I went to bed a little early the night before, a little scratchy, perhaps, but no worse for the wear, and woke up feeling like I’d been bowled over by a freight train. I shivered and ached and felt like I was made of lead - all together not a pleasant picture by any means. Now, I’m a usually healthy fellow, but I’d heard from Jeeves - and you know how he keeps up on everything - that the flu wasn’t just in Spain, and it was only a matter of time before it came around to our neck of the woods. I’d already known a couple fellows who fell ill, but they were just some distant acquaintances - uncle of a friend of a cousin sort of thing - I never thought it would come knocking at my door.

But there I was, pilled up under every blanket in the house - Jeeves tells me I had a fever of a hundred and three - hacking up a storm. The doctor was called in post-haste, of course, medicine was doled out, and orders were given that no one was to approach my person unless absolutely necessary for fear of contagion. I would like to hope that Jeeves put up at least a bit of a fight in the old feudal spirit, but in the end, the doctor’s wisdom won out and I was consigned to languish on my lonesome.

To tell the truth, the better part of a week passed in hazy delirium, and even now I only recall a few passing moments and couldn’t tell you if they were real or just dreamed up. But eventually, one morning - or rather late afternoon - I managed to sit up on my own, rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and had the wherewithal to wonder when Jeeves would come in with the oolong.

To my rather indignant surprise, Jeeves did not appear shortly with the oolong. I was eventually greeted by a nurse, who examined me from a distance like I was a pregnant rhinoceros. Her mouth and nose were covered so we didn’t even have to breathe the same air. It was she, I believe, who informed me that, despite my recovery, I was to remain under quarantine for the foreseeable future - at least what felt like the foreseeable future, and a little while beyond it - and that no, Jeeves would not be coming with my morning tea.

I don’t mind a little peace and quiet, but by the time they finally let me out of that flat I had just about gone bad. I never realized just how small it was and it’s never felt quite so miniscule since. That first breath of fresh, unfiltered air, as I stepped out onto the street at long last, was like a breath of life. I strode along, cane in hand, feeling like a new man, beaming and waving at everyone I passed - maybe I had gone a bit barmy, but at the time I didn’t have it in me to care.

My luck had turned, and it wasn’t over yet, because I was just strolling down the way, not a care in the world, when I nearly ran straight into the man I most wanted to see. Of course, Jeeves shimmered out of the way just in time, but I caught him round the shoulder before he had made too much distance between us. Now, I’m generally not a clingy sort. I can entertain myself well enough, and Jeeves and I are usually content to exist with a comfortable distance between us, but after a few weeks of being tip-toed around like Aunt Agatha when she’s on a roll, a fellow can get a little lonely.

“Sir?” he asked in a most disapproving way, but he must not have minded too much, because he didn’t move away.

“They’ve set me free at last!” I proclaimed, steering him toward the park.

“Yes, I am aware,” Jeeves answered drily. “It was my intention to return to the flat and return it to a habitable state.”

I waved it off. “Oh pish! It’s too nice a day to waste inside! You’ve got to tell me about everything I’ve missed while I was locked away.”

“Very well, sir,” Jeeves said, and resigned himself to the perfect weather and my gregarious company.

Eventually we meandered back to the flat, and Jeeves set about tidying up in his usual fashion. I was content to just sit back and watch him work for a while, relishing the sight of everything back in its place. I glanced at the latest paper that Jeeves had been kind enough to fetch for me in town, but it only held my attention for so long. Jeeves had moved on to the kitchen by the time I tossed the paper aside, so I ambled in to join him. I wasn’t a common visitor to Jeeves’s lair, and he seemed a little surprised to see me as I stepped through the doorway that separated his domain from mine.

“Sir?” he said, his attention torn between me and the food cooking on the stove.

“Don’t mind me,” I insisted, “Just wondering what’s for dinner.” I took in a deep breath and it really did smell delish, especially after what felt like ages of living off of whatever I managed to scrounge up. I’d almost forgotten what a real meal tasted like.

“I hope it’s to your liking, sir,” Jeeves said, but he was smiling a little, like he did whenever I finally noticed his latest feat.

“Absolutely!” I exclaimed, drifting a little closer to take it in. I leaned over Jeeves’s shoulder until I nearly bumped up against him and I had a sudden desire to press closer still, but I knew better than to encroach.

As it was, Jeeves glanced my way, but he didn’t seem to mind.

So, I lingered, watching him put the finishing touches on my dinner with well practiced ease. I didn’t dare go near the stove myself; we’d had one early disagreement and that had been the end of that.

At last, Jeeves jarred me back into the present - “Sir, if you would wait in the dining room, I will be out momentarily.”

“Right ho!” I exclaimed, never one to argue, and did as I was bid.

I didn’t have long to wait before Jeeves shimmered out with the daily bread. He laid it all out on the table and asked, “Is there anything else you require, sir?”

“No,” I said, but as he began to fade out just as quietly as he appeared, the whole room started to feel a little sparse and empty - a little less lively without his presence to fill it up, if you see what I mean. So, on a bit of a rummy impulse, I called out, “Jeeves, you could join me, if you wanted to. For dinner, I mean.”

He turned sharply to face me, and for a moment I could have sworn he was going to say yes, but that feeling was gone like a flash. He only said, “Thank you, that’s very generous of you, sir,” before receding into his lair.

Dinner was fine, but after that, I sort of gulped it down. While Jeeves cleared up the table, I meandered over the piano. I had played around a little while I had the place to myself, but it just wasn’t the same.

Now, I started with gusto on one of the old favorites:

“In the land of San Domingo,

“Lived a girl called Oh! by Jingo,

“Ja da Ja da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a...”

Sure enough, Jeeves came drifting in, looking a little less than pleased.

I finished up the chorus before calling it a wrap. Instead, I asked, “Jeeves, what was that clever song you picked up?” I tried humming a snatch of it, though the old cranium was a little foggy on what it sounded like.

But, of course, Jeeves was undaunted by garbled melodies. With a polite, “If I may?” he sat down beside me at the piano and had it in no time. It was all I could do to keep up with the harmony - though I may have first taken a moment to inch a little closer on the bench.

Jeeves finished with a flourish and I burst into applause. “Brilliant!”

“That’s very kind, sir,” he said with a little bow. He looked rather pleased with himself.

We paused for a little while before the next set. Jeeves looked as fresh as ever, of course, but after all that exertion, I was feeling a little winded - perhaps I wasn’t quite back to my old self after all. I tipped over a little and my head found Jeeves’s shoulder; a nice comfortable place to rest for a moment or so.

For a while, Jeeves didn’t say anything, content as we were, I suppose. I think I may have dozed, because I started a little when he asked, “Sir, is everything alright.”

I forced myself upright, feeling rather top-heavy. “I’d say so,” I attempted. “Just a little tired all of a sudden, but I’ll be right as rain in a jiffy.” At least, that was what I tried to say, but the last word was interrupted by a large yawn.

“I see,” Jeeves said rather dubiously. “I can demonstrate another piece tomorrow, if that would be to your liking.”

I brightened immediately. “I’d say!”

“Very good, sir.” Jeeves pushed back the piano bench a little and got to his feet, but he remained hovering by the piano. “Do you require any assistance?”

I shook my head and braced my hands against the piano bench, readying them to push me to my feet. “I think I’ll be alright. Thank you, Jeeves.”

He wasn’t fooled. But, with a tremendous shove, I managed to get myself upright, and I walked confidently toward the master bedroom with hardly a totter, though my legs felt rather laden. Jeeves drifted after all the while.

I got as far as the tall mirror in the bedroom and began fumbling with my cufflinks, cursing all the many layers of my raiment.

“Might I be of assistance?”

I had nearly forgotten he was there, he’d been so quiet, and jumped a little at the interjection. My wardrobe wasn’t usually so complicated that I needed help with it, but my arms had gone all stiff and heavy, and there was something that seemed rather pleasant about the whole idea after being without Jeeves for so long, so I answered with an enthusiastic, “Righto!”

I held up my wrists and Jeeves efficiently undid the cuffs before taking a step closer and moving on to my waistcoat. Each movement was quick and precise, like everything else Jeeves does. I’ve often thought he could have done a zillion things with that brain of his, and maybe I’d spent too much time surrounded by doctors, but all I could think was that he’d make an incredible surgeon with hands like those, but there he was helping me instead. A thing like that warms a fellows heart. After spending a few long weeks feeling like I was alone in the world, here was Jeeves to remind me I wasn’t alone at all.

He was done in a jiffy and then it was off to bed. I could hardly keep my eyes open as Jeeves covered me in blankets to keep out the chill.

“Good night, sir,” he said, before turning off the light.

“G’night Jeeves.” I fought off the tendrils of Morpheus long enough to say, “It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back, sir.”

Before he could drift into the other room, I reached out and somehow my hand found his. I just gave it a quick squeeze of a reassuring sort, maybe to assure myself he was there, and then at last, I surrendered to sleep.

[sunevial]

Directors commentary: What it’s like writing the various forms of inhumanity among the followers

For this, I’m going to be completely neglecting how I write Young Priest, because he’s still basically human for the purposes of the Follower’s universe. He thinks, acts, and behaves with human qualities, even if he’s really not human anymore from a physical standpoint. That being said, there are some things I have hinted on that I’ll touch on later. 

I’ll break this up into two parts

Those Who Were Never Human, aka the Old Guard (Old Priestess, Lieutenant, Advisor)

Old Priestess is probably the most difficult character for me to write in general. She is complicated and layered, probably moreso than any other character I have to write for this universe. Compassionate yet oh so cruel, manipulative yet still somewhat caring, vain and self assured yet a little fragile, never wanting to be vulnerable yet still wanting to keep her own close to her chest. She is a scorned immortal, fallen from grace and power, and it shows in her actions and her words and the very way she carries herself. Her hatred of humanity runs deep, and no amount of revenge will satisfy it, but she is so incredibly lonely and so incredibly wounded and so incredibly filled with a sorrow even she won’t admit. 

When I write her, I write her knowing she is old, she is bitter, and that she values nature and the natural world more than anything. She is always in control of every situation she is present in, and she makes her presence known. She never uses contractions, has certain words she calls certain people, and she can flip between being terrifying to sweet on a dime. You should never feel completely safe when she’s in the room, even when she’s not using magic, and every other character knows that.

Unlike Priestess, who knows humanity inside and out, Lieutenant knew nothing of humanity before his time with the Followers. He barely registers all five senses (sight and hearing being the easiest, followed by touch, with taste and smell being the most complex), and at the very start, he only really had a grasp of one emotion: fear. By the ‘present’ day, he has collected a couple more, including anger, a sense of contentment, and possibly a sense of displeasure (and that’s pushing it). That being said, he is not a creature that knows malice, and despite his cold words, he never acts out of spite or with ill intent.

Combined with that is him being someone that is barely used to having physical presence. He never walks when he can just teleport, though he might to humor his colleagues. Physical matter confuses him, so anything that isn’t a void construct is difficult for him to properly use (his aim is terrible with anything that isn’t his knife). He rarely relies on his shell to perceive the world around him, as only a very small portion of his actual self is contained within that body. Above all, through, he is a curious individual, wanting to better understand this world he now lives in. He asks questions that most mortals wouldn’t think to ask, and even if he doesn’t feel emotions, he has learned how to perceive them well.

Advisor splits the difference between the two immortals, having less direct experience with mortals than Priestess and having a better understanding of them than Lieutenant. In many respects, he seems the most human out of them, always cordial and polite and professional in his manner. He is genuinely kind when he wants to be, always open to teach others or give a helping hand because he is a researcher and he wants to see results. 

This also makes him the most unnerving at times, because his oddness is treated so casually. He makes remarks that are eerie in their simplicity, uses reality warping magic with the same care we take to breathe, and he can read emotions and minds and the future with no effort at all. I never write his magic the same way twice, because much of his powers are based in the fact that he is chaos incarnate and does not hide that. Advisor is not scary because of what he can directly do, though that’s scary in of itself, but he’s scary because you quite simply don’t know how much he can do on the sidelines. There’s a reason why I write him with a sort of surprising upbeat flair; he doesn’t have a reason to be anything but. 

Those Who Were Once Human (Witch, Bookkeeper, Huntress, Part Timer)

As we’ve seen throughout the story of the Followers, Witch used to be a perfectly normal and perfectly sane person, someone capable of truly loving and fearing the world like a mortal. She’s no longer that person. Margaret was broken and battered, reshaped and reformed into the image of the people who trained her. Her empathy and compassion were beaten out of her, replaced with a sadistic cheerfulness that rarely drops. They bound her loyalty with string and thread, made her scream until she could scream no more, and so she was stripped of fear and sorrow. She takes deals and sells to all who come to her door. 

I write Witch to be emotive but not emotional, because while you can always tell what she’s feeling or thinking based on her expression, she doesn’t feel those emotions much at all. Her words are always just a little too empty, and that’s by design. The only time that it comes through is when she’s actively trying to care, because some small parts of her still remember what it means to be human. She shows those around her daughter, and that’s why she sounds more complete when they’re talking, because it’s the only time she is allowed such a luxury. 

Bookkeeper, in many respects, is the exact opposite of Witch. Knowing she sold her soul and life for something so trivial weighs on Bookkeeper heavily, but she does her work and she does it well. She has put up walls, walls to mimic the cold exterior of an indifferent immortal while she internally suppresses all of the emotions she still maintains. Because she feels, even if she denies that she does, because that is the only way she remains herself. She has willingly remade herself before, and she’ll do it again, becoming petty, selfish, and a master of the passive aggressive arts.

There is not a word that leaves Bookkeeper’s mouth that isn’t at least partially an insult, though she may drop that streak for Witch. She will never admit to anything willingly, but she will answer at least in half truths if directly asked. Her opinions are strong and firm, unbending and unyielding because she has read enough to win just about any argument thrown her way. She hates getting her hands dirty, but she makes no secret that she will do the work that keeps her out of the line of fire because she is deadly efficient. And deep inside her, she occasionally allows herself to pity, to care, to allow herself to care.

Huntress is stubborn, stubborn beyond belief because while being mortal, no amount of physical or mental abuse could ever make her break. She is strong, she is angry, she is flawed, but she owns every aspect of herself she likes and every aspect of herself she despises. Because of that, Huntress will always be just that, herself and there is nothing the other Followers could ever do to change that. If Huntress wishes to change, that’s on her own terms and no one else’s. That doesn’t mean she is mortal, though, because she was always just a bit more than that even in life. 

Knowing this, writing Huntress becomes a balance of making her not wanting to play nice with the other Followers but more than willing to play along. Her heart is hard and cold, and she has no sympathy for the pain of the people she loves. She laughs loudly and brashly, her emotions and actions always a little more feral. Her first resort is violence and she relishes in it, because there’s only one Follower who has a true bloodlust. She is impatient, unyielding, always up to play and to hunt and to hurt. Her compassion is rough, but it is there, and she makes sure not to lose it. It keeps her grounded.

Of the mortals, Part Timer has retained his humanity the most, and that’s saying something. Each of his personalities retain thought processes are still incredibly human, each very distinct in how they act and how they feel. Some are more caring, some are more angry, some are more scattered, and some are more logical, but all still retain a fair bit of humanity when everything is boiled down. That being said, all but one of his personalities has accepted that they can’t retain that humanity forever, and the good doctor is fighting to keep what little sanity he remains.

Taken together with his condition, Part Timer’s inhumanity is written in a man who can never be whole. He has little control of who’s in charge. His actions are consistent within the personalities, but they switch so rapidly and so violently that it’s hard to predict. While he tries to keep things light and polite, he still fears his colleagues more than he trusts them, and so he refuses to let his guard down even for a second around most of them. He resists learning magic, resists accepting its use by both the people around him and himself, because the more he leans into the use of magic, the more he loses his grip on his sense of self.

Now, for Young Priest, the challenge is to write him in a way where the hints of inhumanity are starting to creep in. He’s an artist, first and foremost, and already he’s starting to get a little lost in that world. His transformation is fueled by a desire to save his sister, so he needs the ability to do magic well. Something I’ve been trying to show how much magic tempts him, how much learning tugs at his morals and at his sense of humanity. His discomfort keeps him grounded for now, but it’s starting to lessen with every step he takes. It won’t break for a long time yet, but Priestess chose him well.

She knows that the temptation will someday outweigh his humanity, and she intends to make sure that as it happens, he stays loyal and true.

[kinktae]

hi babe !!! i’m starting on my journey through the whole bitchin’ series today !!! and i just wanted to say that it really reminds me of that 70’s show (even if i know urs is set in the 80’s lmao) !!! and i want to congratulate u on the job well done !!!

All the bitchin’ asks I didn’t get to answer in time uwu. Spoilers ahead:

prince-jjk said: just read your beyond the story for bitchin’ and i literally cried twice 🥺 especially in the 10yrs later when, for the wedding gift, jk gives y/n the contract they wrote all the way back when they barely knew eachother, that part just made me be like skfkskckskfkd on the inside, that was adorable.

Anonymous said: bitchin is so soft 🥺 it was love at first chapter for me, i loved watching y/n and jk grow throughout the story both together and on their own and i love all the soft lil moments and reading every chapter warmed my heart so damn much 🥺 thank you 💕

Anonymous said: okay so i finally read bitchin’ all in one day and 🥺🥺🥺🥺 they are both idiots i love them sm,, thank u for writing such an incredible story!!💕💗💕💘💗

Anonymous said: MISS ROSE?!?!?!?! BITCHIN' IS BACK AND WITH YOUR BEHIND THE SCENES COMMENTARY?!?! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED MA'AM!! AND WELCOME BACK QUEEN WE'VE MISSED YOU AND THESE LOVABLE DORKS!!!!💛💓💙💕💜💖💚💞❤💘💗

Anonymous said: I LOVED WHAT YOU POSTED FOR BITCHIN OMGGG i actually LOVE seeing behind the scenes of writing so i really enjoyed reading about the details of bitchin. nOT TO MENTION HOW CUTE THE EPILOGUE WAS PLEASE I DONT THINK ILL EVER GET OVER THEM but overall i really liked it and thank you so so so so so so so much for this

Anonymous said: i swear Yara and Taehyung do be the cutest couple :(

beifong-bitch said: So im new around here and just started reading bitchin and oh god- I KEEP IMAGINING TAES VOICE SOUNDING LIKE THAT ONE SURFER DUDE FROM TOTAL DRAMA.

Anonymous said: beyond the story: bitchin’ got me so emotional like??? i think i can’t live without them:( thank you for this beautiful story🤧 you’re so talented

sapphireprinces5 said: can I just say that the fact you called it Behind The Story as BTS is so genius and the best chef’s kiss of the century. reading this made me tear up like I miss the two so much and to see them happy forever was just 🤧 it was so cool to see how the stories developed and your thoughts as you wrote them. thank you for giving this to us - probably one of the best gifts i’ve ever received as a reader. amazing, you’re amazing

mochiieberry said: JUST READ THE UPDATE FOR BITCHIN AND FINALLY I CAN START MY DAY(ignore the fact it’s 3 am :) ). But honestly after reading BITCHIN I questioned what happened afterwards and thank you for writing the behind the scenes and giving us 10 year update!!

ggukcangetit said: oh my gosh i was missing bitchin' and you posted the most incredible companion piece. also love how its called beyond the story (BTS) so sneaky rose (¬‿¬) you really spoilt us with the connect i am sad and happy so thanks for that. lastly, just wanna appreciate how much effort, hard work, and care you devote to your stories, characters, and readers. since you are a LOT younger than me imma go ahead and say this- uWu rose is the best liddol bean in the world. okay bye.

Anonymous said: I just wanted to say thank you for the extra bitchin' content! It's one of my favorite fics ever (mainly bc I am a woman in stem who takes shit from no man and I hardcore identify with yn) and to see how much you love the fic and genuinely get excited about the little details you slip in to make it more enjoyable for you to write just makes my heart !!! bc i love nothing more than hearing writers talk about their works with pride. love you lots and thank you for always putting out great content!

Anonymous said: Yara refusing to put a label on her relationship after 10 years sends me. For one thing, as an independent woman who is terrified of commitment, I can 100% relate lol. The titles she gives him instead killed me as well. Her outrage at the crustaceans was also so something I’d do. Like “no ma’am my best friend ain’t sign up for this and as far as I’m concerned she’s gonna get exactly what she wants”. Yara is my spirit animal.

Anonymous said: I have a lot of questions. #1- How dare you? Bitch I am sobbing. I love those Bitchin fools and I ain’t ever gonna stop loving them!

lee-u-ne12 said: I may have giggled one too many times during my "beyond the story: bitchin'" reading. Dammit it's just so cute! I found it charming how instead of just giving us an update on the characters you included some commentery on each chapter! Ngl i was rlly sad earlier but this made me smile :)

Anonymous said: I definitely noticed the sock thing and thought it was stupidly cute (like this entire fic tbh) and djjdjdjdjjd I wish I had commented on it when I first read it! I loved the behind the stuff and loved all the reasoning as to why you didn't want y/n to be a 'popular guy gave me confidence' type of character 👏 honestly loved it all thank you!!!!

Anonymous said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING BITCHIN’!! ITS A WORK OF ART AND SO AMAZING QND I LOVE U SO MUCH MISS ROSE 😭😭😭💕💓💖💕💗💞❣️💖💝

Anonymous said: AHAHJAJAJAJJA THIS MADE ME SOOOOO HAPPY AND I HAVEN’T FELT THIS HAPPY AND SAPPY IN SUCJ A LONG TIMEEE!! i absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE READING THE BACKSTORY AND BEHIND THE SCENES OF WRITING THIS FIC AND THE 10 YEARS LATER AND WEDDING MADE ME SO FUCKING HAPPY AHAHAHJAHA I ALSO LOVE TAE AND YARA SO MUCH AND I LOVE THAT THEYRE SO HAPPY BRO AND LIKE THEY DIDN’T NEED A LABEL LIKE yES PERIODT!UGHUGHYGHI I LOVE YOU SO MCUH MISS ROSE AJHSJS I HAVE SO MUCG LOVE FOR YOUU 😭😭😭💖💓💕

Anonymous said: ROSE YOU SON OF A BITCH I LOVE YOU

cheeky-kookie said: ROSE, I am so happy this is the best birthday present wowza ily thank you bitchin' update I cry

Anonymous said: oh my gosh yara and tae are gonna get married someday and she's still gonna be like what? husband? you meaN my matChing riGg wEareR.

Anonymous said: Just wanted to let you know, I just read BITCHIN' AND IT'S THE BEST STORY I'VE READ IN A WHILE AND NOW ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITES. I would totally read it again in the future . Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us and you're awesome!

Anonymous said: Bitchin' was amazing. I cried. Thank you for writing it 🖤

Anonymous said: I think I've read bitchin like 3 times now but in never fails to put a smile on my face. The 80s slang kills me every time. Just wanted to say it's one of my favourite fics I've ever read :)

Anonymous said: i just finished bitchin’ AND IT WAS SO GOOD i cried at the end when it came full circle about the paper 😭❤️

Anonymous said: Hi I just binge read bitchin I’ve always ran into it but I hesitate Bc I knew it wasn’t completed I’m the worst but,,, ow. Ow. My heart physically melted you developed two characters so well and there’s no way I’m not going to reread again and again because of how good and genuine their relationship was. Uhh that’s it sorry I just wanted to let you know I’ll need money Bc my heart is unfunctional because of how full it is

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that you made me feel so 🥺🥺🥺🥺!!!! with bitchin', that it is one of my favorite stories ever and that it's just so amazing and well written i just- don't stop doing what you're doing please !!!!!

Anonymous said: hi sorry this is random but im a huge fan of your work! i havent checked in with tumblr too much lately but last night i binge read camellia, groovy, and bitchin and oh my goodness i was so enthralled !! you have such a wonderful ability to engage readers with such relatable and dynamic characters! like wowowow i cant wait to read more of your writing! thanks so much for putting in the time and effort you do to create your work, its great and im glad you get to share it with the world! 🌟

Anonymous said: hi so i may or may not have read all of bitchin in one night BUT I LOVED IT AND IM AMAZED BY YOU 🥺♥️

Anonymous said: hiii! bitchin’ has been the best thing i have ever read and im so sad that its over, but im so happy you wrote it! u are an incredible writer❤️❤️❤️

emdancing said: Hi! I’d just like to say I binged bitchin and i absolutely loved it! It just might be my favorite koo fic 💕 your writing is awesome and so are you!!

Anonymous said: i binge read bitchin this weekend and i don’t even like fanfics but kept seeing it get recommended so decided to check it out and i loved it 😭 jungkook in that fic is so perfect and cute (except for his mess up with kiri) and that note at the end got me emotional 🥺 your story and writing was too too good, i skipped all the smut but still loved it 💗 thank you for sharing one of the most heartwarming and lovely stories i have ever read! 🤧

lowlifeoeuvre said: Hi i just read bitchin and i only have one thing to say about it... A WHOLE MASTERPIECE MAN!! literally almost cried and actually made a very inhuman happy noise at the end. I will for sure be reading anything else you write or have written.

babeewiththepowerr said: I just finished reading Bitchin and now I’m crying 😢 it was soooo pretty and well written 💜