#its not easy if one of the ingredients is oil???? what the fuck

[catfishofoldin99colours]

'easy chocolate cake recipe!' and the ingredients list is more than 10 things

[spooniechef]

Gluten-Free Chocolate Mug Cake (0 Spoons)

I've been quiet here for awhile, at least in part because it's been a long month or two. There's been overtime at work, which I should not have been doing but because we're understaffed and half the office got sick, I had little choice. Also I went to what will probably be my last convention a couple of weeks ago, which was objectively hellacious but I got autographs from the entire cast of Critical Role so I regret nothing. But of course I came out of that with a serious pain flare and what might have been con crud but was also quite possibly the flu, so that kind of murdered any chance of my being productive the last couple of weeks. But I have this week off and I have some plans. Mostly because I got cookbooks and very much intend to use them.

Side note - I've been contemplating doing a thing to raise money for Fibromyalgia Action UK, and weirdly, my main thought about something sponsored has been "cook through an entire cookbook in 12 months", like The Julie / Julia Project. I came up with that idea least partly because Julie Powell died a couple of weeks ago, which ... I mean, she was barely older than me, what the fuck? But also because cookbooks don't exactly give a chronic pain-friendly rating to its recipes, and part of it would involve doing an adjunct-document with spoon ratings like I do on the recipes here. Still toying with the idea, at least partly because butter and eggs are expensive as fuck. Don't even get me started on the pecans I need for a recipe I got my mother to bring me Jell-O pudding from North America especially to make. Also there's too much that needs buttermilk and that's not so much a thing over here.

Which brings me to today's bit of cookery notes. See, I have new cookbooks, and I've been trying to decide what I want to make from them. I'm having serious executive dysfunction about so much of it, so for the most part I've been sticking with chocolate chip cookies. But I didn't want to do that this time, but there are so many cookies to try. Eventually I got tired of indecision and just really wanted a sweet treat, and one of my cookbooks (Quick + Easy Gluten Free by Becky Excell, which I heartily recommend) had recipes for mug cakes. I'd never tried one, so I figured, why not? I went for the chocolate one instead of the jam doughnut one because I didn't want to use an egg for just the yolk until I found something to do with the white. (Which probably means the next recipe you'll see here is gluten-free cinnamon roll sugar cookies, but anyway.)

So! Chocolate mug cakes! Here's what you'll need:

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

4 tablespoons milk

2 tablespoons caster sugar

1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

3 tablespoons gluten-free all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon gluten-free baking powder

1 tablespoon chocolate chips

I imagine you could replace both the all-purpose flour and the baking powder with gluten-containing versions and have it be fine. But note - no xanthan gum, no egg. You could probably add the tiniest drop of vanilla extract, though.

Here's what you do:

Put all the ingredients in a microwaveable mug; mix well

Cover the mug with plastic wrap; poke a few holes in the plastic

Microwave on high for 60-70 seconds

Let cool for a couple of minutes (the mug will be really hot)

FEAST (they recommend topping it with ice cream and / or chocolate syrup, so maybe do that and then FEAST)

There is no earthly way I could make this any easier. You could probably add various bits of additional flavour - replace the chocolate chips with fudge chips, a drop of vanilla or orange or mint extract, maybe a pinch of cinnamon - but it's pretty well fine on its own. The only thing I can add is that the cookbook says microwave on high in a 900W microwave, but mine is 800W so I just put it in for 70 seconds and it was fine, so maybe add an extra 5-10 seconds if your microwave is lower wattage than that.

So yeah, this is the perfect spoonie dessert, really. If you're having a bad day and are tired and you just want something nice that requires no effort and isn't a £3 brownie? This is the way to go.

[zillanovikov]

Cooking with the Big Sad

Most advice for dealing with depression makes depressed people feel worse.

Fish oil supplements, running, and meditation help some people. Maybe they even help you. But for the rest of us, they deliver a simple message. Your depression is your own damn fault because of your bad lifestyle. If you ate better, exercised more, and changed your negative attitude, you wouldn't have this problem. 

If you, like we did, look online for depression-friendly recipes, you will find almond-crusted barramundi and walnut-crusted maple salmon, promising Omega-3s to fight brain fog and B vitamins to boost mood. If you happen to be an inland-dwelling vegan, such personal lifestyle tweaks are inaccessible to the point of satire. This is a feature, not a bug. The thing these recipes have in common is that the cost of ingredients, difficulty of preparation, and incompatibility with numerous dietary restrictions mean they are inaccessible to most mentally ill people. If only you would do this, they promise, and then it becomes your fault because you do not, and so you must not really want to be well.

If capitalism is driving your employer to exploit you and the rich to destroy the planet, the solution is not to do Pilates about it. No amount of chia seeds are going to fix how you feel. You need some empathy and some survival strategies. Surviving means you have to eat, even if you don't want to, even if there's no food in the world worth the effort of lifting a spoon to your mouth. 

Many of us also have stigmas and taboos when it comes to food. Maybe someone has told you to avoid “bad” foods, or questioned if you really needed a second cookie. Maybe for you, the concept of eating is complicated by feelings of guilt or shame. But judgment doesn’t help. It’s better to eat than not, and we are not the sum of our worst days.

My depression is not my fault. My brain chemistry is fucked and I need medication to function. I tried lifestyle changes for years, delaying as long as I could before I acknowledged what felt like a moral failing. Before I accepted my inability to will myself cured. Diet advice gave me one more thing to try before taking that step. But crushed flax seeds weren't what I needed. What I needed was a hug, and guidance to get through day by day until I was ready to admit my truth.

Depression cooking for me is low-effort, cheap, easy foods, with minimal ingredients that I probably already have in the house. It’s carb- and spice-heavy. It’s eating popcorn out of a bag or boiling instant noodles. It’s food that’s tasty enough to be appealing even when the thought of eating seems exhausting.

Of course, this isn’t the same for everyone! Some people have to avoid carbs or gluten, others find high levels of spice challenging at the best of times. Contrary to the advice you’ll find online and in diet books, there's no silver bullet for our problems, individually or societally. But we can do our best to make things better for each other as a community. 

Collective change starts at a local level, and for us, dealing with the social problem of depression begins with acts of mutual aid. Whether it’s reminding folks that they’re not alone or sharing the coping strategies that have worked for us and our friends, we’re here with each other as we battle not just the Big Sad, but the environmental, political, and economic context that enables it at its worst.

--------------------------------

I wrote a rant (see above) but I also—with my community—wrote a cookbook to share our coping strategies. The Sad Bastard Cookbook is funny, realistic, and kind. Also the e-book is free. We gotcha.

[tloujm]

Part XXXIV: Prenatal II

Author’s Notes: Another installment as promised. I hope I’m doing these characters justice with their feelings. Whoever reads, I hope you like it! I’ll try to get another one queued up for next week. 

Genre: Heavy Angst with a side of Fluff

Summary: Joel takes his brother’s advice and finds an activity for the two of you to do together. At first, its going well, then the atmosphere turns sour. You finally reveal what’s been bothering you. Joel tries to sympathize with and process your emotions. 

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Joel unloaded the contents of his brown satchel onto the kitchen counter. First, it was the flour, then the sugar and eggs. Lastly, he took out the most important ingredient, a king size chocolate bar. He continued to move around the kitchen to prep the utensils when, as if on cue, you walked through the front door. It didn’t take long for you to follow the noise and find Joel. He turned to face you. An encouraging smile grew on his lips. For once, you didn’t look any more drained than you did when you first left the house. Maybe you were beginning to listen to him and take it easy. Still not at the point he wanted, but baby steps were better than nothing.

Silently, you asked what he was doing. “We’re going to make a cake together.” Joel simply uttered.

“Why?” You replied even more simply.

Joel shrugged. “Why not? I figured it’d be fun.”

“Mr. Texas finds baking fun?” You chuckled. It was dry but he noticed a bit of genuine humor.

“Mr. Texas was craving something sweet,” He tried to give you a subtly lustful look.

“Something sweet, huh?” You raised a brow while supporting your back.

“Mmhmm. And guess what flavor?” You hummed in question. Swiftly, he slid the chocolate bar off the counter and placed it in your hand. He stayed just as close to you and lowered his voice. “I know chocolate is your favorite, plus I heard it was something of an aphrodisiac.”

“Maybe another time, Joel, my back hurts.” You began to move out of the kitchen when he spoke up.

“I can massage it.” He stepped forward, about to ask where exactly it hurt.

“No.” You curtly responded. “Thank you though.”

Joel tried to mask a feeling of defeat until a new idea popped into his head. “Hold on.” He lifted a single finger before running to the living room to get a couple of couch pillows. “Try this.” He positioned them on the wooden kitchen chair before gesturing for you to take a seat. “I figured it would go nicely with the dinner I picked up for us, but there won’t be any cake until we put all of this together. Now, are you comfortable?”

You nodded but knew that he needed to hear it. “Yes.”

“Good. I'll bring the stuff over to you.”

Most of the work was done in silence. You were hard to read. It was not necessarily awkward, but he took the time to observe you regardless. Your brows furrowed ever so slightly in concentration as you read the recipe. Your eyes however looked bored, like you didn’t want to be there. Was it the act of baking or was it him? Joel questioned this over and over again as he continued his attempt to read your mind. He knew it was a fruitless venture and because of this, he was also searching for the right words to break the silence. 

Before that could even happen, he accidentally stubbed his toe against the island which caused him to drop the measuring cup of oil all over your shirt. He grunted in pain for a moment before realizing the mess he made. The stain was atop your heavy bump. His eyes raked your body from your middle to your eyes. In that moment, he knew he fucked up. Your eyes turned hard. With a tone of annoyance, you mumbled that it was your favorite shirt and that the stain would never come out. Before he could apologize, you grasped for whatever was closest to you, which was the cup of water and splashed it on his shirt. “Now we’re even.” He looked at you in disbelief. That night could have ended one of two ways: laughing about the accident, or letting it wedge the two of you even further away.

Joel inconspicuously pinched some flour and flicked it on your hair. He knew that was sensitive territory, but wanted to avoid your eyes as well as making the stain worse. “My hair, Joel?” You matched his look of disbelief. If that’s how he wanted it, that’s how he can have it, you thought to yourself. He wasn’t sure what he’d gotten himself into, so he turned to grab a towel to clean you off with. You got up, one hand cradling your belly and the other reaching out for the carton of eggs. Approaching him from behind, you stood on your tip-toes and smashed the egg on top of his head. His eyes darted upward as he felt the slimy yolk run down his face. He scooped most of it off and threw it in the sink before focusing his attention on you.

The two of you stared at each other, both faces blank until Joel allowed a devious smirk to appear. Your eyes finally moved away from him and he took that moment to retaliate. Just as quickly, you moved around the island to distance yourself from him. Joel knew he could catch you if he really wanted to, pregnancy or not. Still, he enjoyed the game of cat and mouse that the two of you found yourselves in. You grabbed the empty measuring cup and sprinted the best you could to the sink to refill it. Before it even filled half way, Joel reached you with some more flour in his hand. Before he could wind his arm back, you threw the water in his face. The flour littered the floor as his hands pulled his shirt up over his face to dry off. In that time, you went back to the eggs to keep the upper hand. His eyes never left yours. You watched him scramble for items he could use that were within his view. Showing no mercy, you threw another egg at him, but with impressive agility, he managed to dodge it. The two of you watched as it slid down the backsplash. 

The two of you continued like this for about a half hour. Almost all of the ingredients that he traded for earlier that day were wasted. Instead of in the form of batter, everything was either on the walls, floor or your bodies. The mess that he knew he’d have to clean up was all worth it because he got to see the biggest smile and hear the hardiest laughter he’s witnessed from you in several weeks. The way your eyes crinkled and your gums showed because of how big your smile grew was an amazing feeling to both you and him. At some point, the two of you mutually agreed to call it quits.

“I think it’s time to get cleaned up.”

“I agree.” You huffed.

“How about a nice hot shower. Or a bath if you want to get off your feet.”

“That sounds nice. I think a shower will be better; I don’t want to sit in a pool of flour and egg residue. If you don’t mind, I’ll go first. I promise I won’t take up all of the hot water this time.” Her eyes didn’t meet yours but she offered up a small, genuine grin.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that if we take it together, darlin’.” He moved closer to you which caused your body to go rigid. “How does that sound? We can have dinner afterwards and the chocolate bar was left untouched, so we can have that for, uh, dessert.” He raised a brow with a lustful yet loving gaze with the hopes of softening your stance.

“Oh, um, now that I think of it, I think a bath will sooth my back. I’ll go up and draw it up, ok?”

“You sure? You can rest and I can—” Joel began to suggest.

“I’m sure.” You turned on your heel and leaned against the railing as you walked up stairs.

Joel took a moment to watch, fighting the urge to help you steady yourself. “I’ll tidy up the kitchen while you do that.”

He let you take your time by cleaning up the entire kitchen. It’d been a while since the two of you shared a bath or shower, but one would always shout for the other that they were ready. After all was done in the kitchen, he’d still not heard from you. He jogged up the stairs to check on you. Pushing the bathroom door open a little bit wider, he found you already in the tub. No waiting for him to undress you or help you into the tub. “Already comfortable?” He really wanted to ask why you didn’t wait for him. You nodded in response. His eyes stayed on you. He noticed that your skin and hair were already clean and came to the conclusion that you even made the time to take a quick shower first.

Not thinking too much of it, he began to undress in front of you just like he’d done plenty of times before. It was never an easy task, ripping your eyes away from your favorite body parts of his. You let them linger while the shirt was over his head, but reverted back to looking down at the bubbles when he was done. His eyes laid back onto you when he was completely done. Without words, you scooched forward to give him room. You watched the water flow back and forth as he settled down behind you with a deep sigh. He noticed how your gaze was fixated on something in front of you. 

With a lack of physical intimacy, Joel’s body was excited to be so close to yours. He never pushed you to do anything you didn’t want to, but has made several advances since the last time the two of you made love during your first trimester. He understood that sometimes you just weren’t in the mood from exhaustion or hormonal changes, but couldn’t understand why he was rejected every single time. He was spoiled from years of often being in sync with you physically.

It took a blow to Joel’s ego when he felt the awkward response to his hard on pressing against your lower back. If he could control it, he would, but his body craved you so much. He breathed through the pressure, hoping to slow the continuing flow of blood to his cock. Gingerly, he reached out to graze your shoulders when you swiftly stood up to wrap a towel around yourself.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Joel said almost in a whisper. He didn’t look up until you responded.

“It’s ok.” You finally turned to face him.

“Is it?” Joel asked, holding your gaze. That was a first for him, apologizing for just wanting his wife. It made him feel inadequate. You said nothing before breaking eye contact and leaving him alone in the bathroom. 

The persistent pressure from his groin pulled his thoughts away from the fact that you just left him there. He kneaded himself out only to find release as he knew this time the commonly adjoining pleasure would not be there. Now limp, Joel was left feeling defeated again and he was tired of it. Quickly, he cleaned himself up and hopped out the tub. In nothing but a towel wrapped low around his waist, he entered your shared bedroom.

You were found sitting on your side of the bed fully clothed. “I miss you.” Joel stated simply. You looked up at him with an air of disappointment. He waited for a response that never came. “Do you miss me?”

“I do…” It sounded like you were going to add a ‘but’. Instead, you struggled to find your next words.

“What did I do?” Joel asked.

“You’ve done everything right.” You began to look down at your hands.

“Everything right?” Joel scoffed. “Which part of those right things made you hate me then, (Y/N)? I repulse you now, so what changed?” His eyes were glassy from thinking about how this conversation was beginning to parallel with the one he had with Sarah’s mom before she left them. This time, his tone was more firm. He didn’t want to intimidate you, but he desperately needed answers or else he truly didn’t know what he was going to do next. 

“I hate me! I’m repulsed by me!” You shouted abruptly, pointing at yourself. “I mean look at you,” Your eyes refused to meet Joel’s but settled on his imperfectly perfect toned physique still wet from the bath. “But I don’t even fucking recognize myself anymore.” Joel was admittedly confused by your confession. There was never a point where he stopped thinking of you in the same way, so he couldn’t wrap his mind around why your thoughts were different. Your body was changing to create his child. He couldn’t be more in love with you because of that, but instead you hated yourself? He made a move to step closer. “Don’t!” You stopped him in his tracks with bass in your voice. “I don’t need your pity. You wanted to know, so there it is.” You sniffled. “And also so you know, I miss you desperately and I never wanted you to think otherwise, but how was I supposed to express that I couldn’t possibly fathom so much as standing next to you without feeling bad because I was so disgusted with myself. It hurt me every single time I pushed you away, but…I didn’t want you to get too close and risk seeing what I see. I just wanted to keep it that way until,” You shrugged. “everything was back to normal again.” The sniffles became a stream of tears and whimpers. 

Joel’s heart broke right in front of you. “Oh, baby girl…” He didn’t know what else to do other than follow his instinct and reach out again. It was subtle, but he saw how you shifted further away from him and closer to the headboard. He settled for sitting at the foot of the bed. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’ve apologized enough. You never did anything wrong.”

“I was focused on my needs.”

“No you weren’t. You were always focused on mine.” 

“And still I didn’t realize.”

You began to whisper. “I should be the sorry one. I’ve treated you so horribly! I don’t deserve you, Joel.”

Joel got up and repositioned the towel before walking up to you. He didn’t care if you moved away; he needed to shut this shit down. The way Joel saw it, he was forever indebted to you for forgiving and loving him despite his lies and other actions. He crouched down and positioned himself between your legs so you would be forced to face him. “You’re breaking my heart, darlin’. I need you to not say things like that, ok?”

You could only imagine how you looked to him from that angle. Probably like a stuffed pig, you thought. “Stop, please.” Turning your head, you recoiled at the thought. Tears flowed out at a faster rate. It left a burning feeling in Joel’s chest as he watched. 

“Baby, your body is not meant to be the same. If it was, our baby wouldn’t be able to grow and be healthy. I need you to understand that what is happening is important for them to thrive. I also need you to understand that with every stage of this pregnancy, I’ve loved you even more.”

“I get that but I still hate this. I feel like there’s nothing I can do to change that.  Even after I give birth, It’ll never be the same.”

“What won’t?”

“Everything!” Tears began to stream down again. He reached up and you only allowed him to wipe away one before you batted his hand away. On top of all of your emotions, you felt embarrassed for being so shallow despite knowing what your body needed to go through.

He nodded while biting back his own tears. “You’re right; nothing will be exactly the same. There will be big changes in our lives soon, but it’s only going to be for the better; I promise you.” He squeezed your thigh. It took everything in you not to jerk it away. At this point, it was almost instinctual. “There will be things that won’t change though. I’ll find you just as sexy as I do now. Shoot, I might just even more.” He forced a chuckle to see if it’d lighten the mood. It didn’t. After a few beats of silence, he spoke up again. “Baby, I need you to believe me. Please.” His eyes pleaded as they beckoned you to look at him again.

You began crying harder. Immediately, Joel stood up and sat next to you so he could pull you into his embrace. To his surprise, you didn’t resist. You truly missed him. You were tired of pushing him away and just wanted his comfort. “I’m so scared, Joel.”

“It’s ok to feel scared sometimes. Remember I was too. Still am, truth be told.”

“This is different.” You choked on your cries and began to hiccup. “Please don’t hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?” He gripped your chin and tilted it up so you could see the honesty in his eyes. “That will never happen, ok?”

You sat there crying into his shoulder for a solid minute before you finally spoke up. “I don’t feel anything for the baby anymore.” Joel was taken aback. He’s tried to rationalize your words thus far, but now he’s struggling. “I was excited. To create something with you in this way was something I fantasized about for a long time, but sometimes I wonder if it was worth it.”

“Of course it was worth it.” He replied, without missing a beat.

“I’m not ready for this.” You began shaking your head fervently before your words exploded out. “I feel the kicks, but I don’t feel excited anymore. I only rub my belly to ease the pain, not to feel some sort of connection. I feel miserable everyday. I eat like a fucking pig when you’re not around because I’m always starving, but most times I can barely keep any of it down. The fucking nausea was supposed to end months ago! I still work to give myself purpose, but it’s mostly to stay active. I can’t hold shit down yet I look like I’m carrying triplets. I mean, I don’t know what else to do! I can’t go ten minutes without wanting to fucking piss myself! And I haven’t gone without some sort of ache or pain in months. I know all of this whining is nothing compared to what I have to look forward to in a few weeks. Sometimes I wonder what if something happens to the baby and it was all for nothing; my body did all of this for nothing? I’m trying so hard, but...” You hesitated. ”What if I resent the baby when I see them for the first time? We shouldn’t have done this, Joel.”

“Don’t say that, baby. Don’t say that.” Joel held you tight as he gently rocked you back and forth. “I promise you it won’t be like that, you hear me?” He waited a beat longer than he usually did before asking again with a slightly more firm tone. “(Y/N)?”

“I hear you.” You replied. You couldn’t recognize your own voice either as a huge lump was stuck in your throat. 

Joel sat there with you for several minutes and during that time, you worked on getting reacquainted with your husband’s touch. Very gently, he maneuvered your body to lay back on your side of the bed. You felt the heat of his body disappear as he got up to turn off all of the lights in the room. With only a new moon out, the room suddenly became pitch black. You felt the bed dip on his side. The indentation deepened as he slid closer to you. Joel ghosted his hand over your belly, an action you have not allowed him to remotely do in months. Because of this, Joel had not been able to bond with his child as much as he wanted. The closest he would get was catching rare glimpses of subtle movement under your baggy shirts. He saw your pregnancy as a second chance; a chance to do things differently. With Sarah’s mom, he was more timid as he was just a teen. Still, he took responsibility and did things like buying his first car so he could drive her to doctor appointments. He was supportive, but was too nervous to initiate any sort of connection with his daughter until she was born. 

Little by little, his hand lowered until it reached your taught skin. The feel of his warmth was familiar but something of a shock to the system. He rubbed in one direction under the bump until he felt a kick. It took everything in him to avoid any sudden reactions so as to not harm the progress he made with you. He couldn’t help, however, wanting to experience more; it was almost addicting. Many questions came to the forefront of his mind, some familiar, some new. For a moment, he pretended that it was Sarah. He knew it was a weird notion, one that he would never speak of, but it gave him an immense amount of comfort. 

[pasta-is-magnificent]

Simple as fuck recipe for bad bitches who don't know how to cook too well for themselves but want something fukkin yummy:

Cubed ham and onion samwiches-

-ingredients:

Buns of choice

Slab of cheap ham steak

Yellow or white onion

Amounts vary by preference.

Step one: CUBE DAT MEAT! Cut the steak until its in chunks about the size of the end of your finger of choice (i prefer pinky size) Set aside for later

Step two: DICE ONION! I tend to skin them and cut the ends, then cut em in half hamburger style, then cut both halves till i get 8 wedges, then work with those wedges to size. Set em aside for later.

Step three: FIRE THAT SUMBITCH UP! Grab a pan that is appropriately sized for what you have, you're gonna want one that'll fit most of both of your ingredients in one layer more or less. Lube the pan with a dollop of butter or your oil of choice, not much though. Pre heat the pan for your ham, then throw the pork in to sear/simmer in itself for about 5 minutes or until you feel it's warm enough for the onions, stir occasionally and salt that hog to your taste preference.

Throw in the onions to soften, generally wanting medium heat, your ham should still sizzle, but shouldn't burn too quick. Once the onions have softened you're pretty much good to go. The ham should still be tender and moist by then but if it dried a bit it shouldn't be too bad.

Step 4: EAT. Now that the main event is done prepping set up your buns for the meal, condiments of choice for me are savory mayonnaise and dijon mustard. You're pretty much good now and it literally is ready to slonk down.

You have now achieved cooking!

It FAST

It EASY

It TASTEY

NOW GO OUT AND KILL THE DAY WITH YOUR COOKING ACHIEVEMENT YOU BEAUTIFUL PERSON 💋💋💋🔪

[jackdaw-kraai]

May i ask how did you made the bread? Pretty please?

-🌺

Sure! It's from a cookbook, but I'm more than happy to uhh... liberate it for you.

Ingredients:

3/4 cups of warm water

1 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp brown sugar

1/2 - 1 tsp salt

1 tsp instant dry yeast

1 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp dried marjoram

1 tsp dried basil

3 large cloves of minced garlic

2 cups of plain flour

Got that? Good. Now on to cooking.

Step 1: Dump all ingredients aside from the flour into a bowl and mix. Let it sit for ehhhh... ten minutes, yeah, that sounds good.

Step 2: Dump flour into a bowl, and make a little dip in the middle. Pour in the liquid mess of other ingredients. Do not start mixing yet.

Step 3: Make a little bowl of separate flour and put it in easy reach. Trust me, this'll make sense in a second.

Step 4: Start kneading and mixing the ingredients until it makes a nice, flexible dough. If it clings to your fingers, grab a little flour from the bowl you prepped and rub it between your hands like you're washing your hands. It'll help clump up the dough and rub it right off, ensuring little waste. Keep kneading the dough until it's elastic, and when you press your finger into it, the indent bounces back.

Step 5: Time to let that baby chillax and vibe. Put it back in the bowl, drape a damp dish towel over it, and let it sit for an hour or so to let the yeast do its happy little thing. Go outside, touch some grass, remember what the sky looks like and shit.

Step 6: Fuck that. Get back inside, there's bugs out there. Besides, now we get to make bread. Grab the bowl, be amazed at the fact that it's now twice as big, and partition the dough into six equal parts. None of that privileged shit here, if your freeloaders start whining that they way a bigger part, straighten that shit out.

Step 7: Flatten those pieces however you want. You can use a rolling pin, but fuck that, the dough will stick to it, you'll use so much flour, and it's difficult as shit. Instead, put down a piece of parchment paper and go full caveman by using your bare hands to flatten it out. Do it until you get about pancake thickness. Maybe a little thicker if you like, but it'll puff up in the pan so keep that in mind. Rub the little pancakes on both sides in with a thin but complete coating of flour, yes, this is mandatory, you'll find out why soon enough.

Step 8: Heat up a skillet or frying pan on medium heat and do not grease it. This is why you coated the little pancakes in flour, it'll act as a non-stick layer and make sure that you can flip those babies just fine without having to worry about burning any grease.

Step 9: Place in the pancake breads and leave them for about, eh, 2-3 minutes on either side, until golden brown. Or dark brown, this is one of those recipes where that's not the end of the world. They puff up nicely, and you'll be able to flip 'em with ease.

Step 10: Let cool for literally about a minute or two and serve with whatever you want. Food, dip, cheese, anything. Sky's the limit. This recipe yields six (duh) so use that to guestimate how many you'll need.

[misasimagines]

cooking with the jjk characters!

included characters: Yuji, Megumi, Nobara, Maki, Gojo, Nanami rating: sfw warnings: food focused hcs, mentions of minor injuries but nothing graphic

Yuji: He can cook! He’s been taking care of himself for a while, so he can definitely cook enough to get by. It may not be fancy, his omelet may come out looking a little ugly, but it tastes good. He will bring you a lunchbox if he’s already making one for himself, and he does put the sauce on in a little smiley face or something but it’s still a little lopsided. He’s used to more routine, easy to put together, cheap ingredient meals, but if you wanted to try to cook something fancier with him, he’d agree to try! He would cut veggies Super Fast but they would not be consistently sized or shaped. He’s also the type to accidentally cut or burn himself because he he got distracted talking to you or trying to read the recipe at the same time and ouch! You put a bandage on his finger and he’s just heart eyes at you because aw, you care. But if you got hurt?? Nope, you’re now on couch duty reading the recipe to him from afar. He doesn’t care if it’s just a little burn from hot oil jumping from the pan, you’re basically on death’s door. You can fight him on this and he’ll put oven mitts on your hands for the rest of the cooking “for protection.” The meal comes out good, but visually...Well, it’s endearing that you both tried so hard.

Megumi: He can cook a few practical things, meals that don’t take long to put together and ideally can use substitute ingredients based on what he has. They’re also all Healthy. Nothing is fried or breaded or covered in a calorie filled sauce. He probably doesn’t love cooking. He doesn’t hate doing it, but he doesn’t dream of spending hours in the kitchen standing over a hot stove caramelizing onions. He’s also not so into garnishing and plating things, claims its a waste of time, but then he brings you lunch one day for the first time and it’s very obvious he tried to make it look appealing without going overboard. Cooking with you, he kind of ends up wanting to do everything himself so you’re gonna have to snatch the recipe out of his hands or sneak a peak at his phone when he sets it down so you can figure out what to do. The more you try to force your way into helping, the funnier he thinks it is, so there will be an unspoken game of him trying to keep you from helping and you trying very hard to help. He’s not likely to hurt himself while cooking because, surprise! he’s not a complete spaz, he’s pretty aware of what he’s doing. If you get hurt, he takes care of you and he’s very gentle but he says something like, you really can’t do anything without me, can you? while running your burned fingers under cold water. He might admit to liking something more because you made it together than he would if he had to buy it or make it himself, and that’s very cute of him, but if you bring it up around anyone else, he’s like I Never Said That. It Was Gross. >:(

Nobara: She prefers takeout or going to a restaurant or even just sitting on the counter in the middle of everything while someone else cooks for her. She will agree to cook with you but she’s picking an incredibly complicated and fancy dish because it can’t be THAT hard. Yes, it can. And you guys are going to fuck it up because she is a whirlwind in the kitchen and not in a good way. It’s hard to keep up with the ten tasks she’s trying to complete at the same time. She’ll cut half a carrot before giving up and burning sauteing the garlic, she forgot to preheat the oven but a pot is boiling over on the stove, she’s snacking on tortilla chips the entire time and about 5 minutes before you’re ready to plate the food, she’s like hmm... I’m full... Even so, by the end she wants to make it look as nice and gourmet as possible, even if something is burned or overcooked and you had to substitute an ingredient or two so it doesn’t look anything like the picture on the recipe. She’s a little disappointed when she sees how it came together but will cheer up if you tell her it’s a great first attempt, better than either of you could do alone, and you just liked spending time with her! She’s not super likely to get hurt when cooking, but if she does she’s either like it’s fine it’s just a little blood it’ll add Flavor or she’s like this is it for me. I’m not gonna make it. If you get hurt she’s like lmao couldn’t be me but she’s already kissing you on the cheek and putting a bandage on your hand.

Maki: Like Megumi, she’s practical and has a small list of things she can cook well. Unlike him, she does have more comfort food type dishes that take a little more effort or are a little less healthy than her normal meals. Shes also very efficient and consistent, she cleans as she goes, she uses as few dishes as possible, and she’s kind of annoyed by having someone else in the kitchen with her disrupting her flow. If you’re in the way, she will just pick you up around the waist and move you so she can get to where she needs to go (um maki call me) and she’s silently smug about it (um maki hello call me please). She isn’t big on garnishing and plating and making things look good, but they turn out okay anyway. If you want to make something a little fancier, she’s pleased! She thinks its cute and does fall to the idea of it tasting better because it looks better. She might consider being more open to the idea in the future. She’s not one to get hurt in the kitchen, just don’t really expect it to happen. She probably could grab a hot sheet pan from the oven with her bare hands and be fine though honestly. If you get hurt, she’ll take care of you, but you’re not getting coddled for a teeny burn. If you ask for a kiss to make it better, she sighs but she’ll do it.

Gojo: People go to culinary school for this, shouldn’t we pay them to cook for us? <3 He doesn’t really want to because he’s spoiled and he’s used to just buying food. He’s a man-child who pretends that he can’t boil water without causing a mass inferno but also his ego is so large that he would claim to be able to make a souffle on the first try with no assistance, so take this how you will. Mostly though, he’s not much help. He’s snacking on the ingredients and suggesting additions or substitutions that would be disgusting. Oh, I ate all the cucumber, I guess we could put lime peel in for the same effect. No! You Freak! He also waits until after something is burned to be like hmm? Should this be black? He’ll set the timer for 2hrs instead of 20 minutes. Get ready for a 6′2 man to be twirling and dancing around your kitchen like the living embodiment of those dancing tube guys outside of car dealerships. He doesn’t get hurt because of his infinity thing, but he might pretend he got hurt so you’ll feel compelled to give him kisses. Then he takes it a step further by being like oh, god, I’m so weak, I have to rest from this wound, you have to cuddle me, or I’ll die- If you get hurt, he’s carrying you out of the kitchen and pulling out the entire first aid kid like you cut off an entire limb and didn’t just let lemon juice touch a scratch on your hand. Even with all of this chaos, it manages to come out edible! He pretends to be incompetent at this and he can’t stop messing around, but he didn’t want you to be upset about a wasted effort.

Nanami: Canonical foodie, so he does like being able to go out and try things, but he also is good at cooking and tries to recreate things he’s had at restaurants (and improve on them if possible). If you’re not interested in cooking, he doesn’t mind cooking for you as long as you sit nearby and keep him company and maybe be a taste tester along the way. He makes fancy and unusual things and plates them so they look appealing. If you do want to cook with him, he’s not overbearing about what you do. If you cut something into cubes when it should be slices, he’s not going to be bothered in the slightest. He doesn’t mind taking the less favorable jobs in the kitchen like dropping things into hot oil or cutting sweet potatoes and maybe I’m just too weak and think that sweet potatoes are impossible to cut through but whatever I’m writing these hcs <3. He pretty much never gets hurt in the kitchen, and even if he does, he barely reacts and just deals with it without you even really realizing. If you get hurt, he won’t overreact, he just tells you to clean it and then grabs a bandage for you. He will put it on you and kiss the top of your head in consolation for your war injury, though. Whatever you end up cooking with Nanami always ends up tasting amazing and looking like it comes straight from a foodie’s instagram.

[clatterbane]

Original plan: to just throw together some extra-easy beans and rice. Mr. C is gone this evening for his work summer party, and I decided I was tired of sandwiches.

Much more involved attempt at a low spoons meal for myself tonight than expected! But, it turned out pretty good anyway.

The plan: throw something like this together in the Instant Pot with what we had on hand.

(Mostly using that recipe for the rough ingredient proportions. I went with some Turkish basically paella-type medium grain rice we had, sauteed first in the oil for the texture and taste. Played around with the seasoning some, and added like a cup's worth of cooked kidney beans we had.)

That all went fine--until after the lid went on for the main cooking. So, then the float valve in the lid got stuck open, and the pot refused to pressure up. 😑 Meanwhile, the rice concoction is merrily bubbling away and venting its moisture out.

After several minutes of repeatedly fiddling with the damned lid valves and trying to see if it would work now? I finally just said "fuck it, I'm really hungry and maybe it's salvageable", and transferred the half-cooked looking rice over to a pan on the stove. Added a wild-ass guestimation of extra water to make up for all the evaporation, and just finished cooking the stuff on the stove.

Could have used a little more water, but it thankfully did turn out much more edible than I was expecting tbqh! 😁 Especially with a little grated very Swedish "Tex-Mex" cheese on top.

While that was sitting to finish steaming itself, I fried up one of the basically Balkan burger patties I'd spotted in the freezer earlier to have on the side. (There has apparently been a lot of immigration from that general region here, and you do see a good bit of yummy foods from there.)

These have some cheese mixed in, which I could see more than taste. From the label, I was expecting cheese stuffed, but it's more just crumbled up in there. Very tasty, though by that point I didn't even feel like figuring out any condiments for it besides a sprinkle of handy Knorr grill seasoning because why not.

I also just pulled out the little bit of leftover salad from last night, well marinated by now but still pretty crispy with the romaine.

Not nearly as quick or low-effort as I was hoping, going in. But, still feeling vaguely proud of myself for turning out a somewhat balanced meal for myself, when I'm the only human here. Rather than just giving up, maybe on supper entirely.

[jungkookiebus]

Grain of Sand | jjk

Genre: smut x fluff x established relationship x slice of life Pairing: blind!jjk x reader Rating: 18+ Word Count: 4.2k Warnings: cunnilingus, (light) ass play, fingering, jungkook fucks you against the kitchen sink so i guess that can be a warning, creampie Summary: Blind since the age of 18 from a genetic disorder, Jungkook walked through life as if he never lost it, but on one fateful day seven years ago he literally almost runs into you. He fell in love nearly immediately. Fast forward to the present and it’s just another day in your quiet life with him by your side.

Bright, warm sunshine filled the hallway of your home from the windows that lined the wall. It was one of the reasons you picked this house. You imagined hanging pictures up on the wall for the morning sun to rise upon and, at night, you could still easily see them in the light of the moon. And that’s exactly what you did when you moved in two years ago. Jungkook walked ahead of you, fingers delicately skimming the wall right beneath the pictures. The wall there looked more worn than the rest, a little oily sheen to it from his fingertips. Walls all over your home had these trails. They were like highways for him, directing him to the living room, kitchen, and every room in between. Sometimes, like now, you’d run your fingers along his path lovingly, grazing your fingers underneath your wedding photo.

“What would you like for breakfast?” he asked, and you saw as he tilted his head a little, knowing you were following quietly behind him.

You hummed in thought. You never really were that hungry as soon as you woke up, but the smell of breakfast always made your stomach growl.

“What about…eggs and bacon?”

“Toast?”

“Oh, yes, Taehyung gave us some fresh strawberry jam he made.”

He hummed in a content agreement, turning the corner ahead of you, two fingers brushing the dull edge as he continued down the hallway. The light overhead was still off, and the early morning sun had yet to reach this part of the house, but Jungkook moved by memory and his worn wall path before moving into the kitchen. As he walked into the room, you reached for the light switch and flicked it on.

“What would you like me to do?” you asked. You leaned against the counter as you watched his hands skim the cabinets, and you knew he was counting in his head, until he got to the one he wanted. He pulled out a pan as his other hand reached for the stove, hand finding the burner, before moving it to sit the pan down.

“Uh, if you want to grab the ingredients, that will help.”

“Sure thing, sweet pea.”

Jungkook laughed as he reached for the oil that sat by the stove.

“I should be calling you pet names.”

“You do all the time and you’re just too cute not to.”

Opening the refrigerator, you pulled out the necessary amount of eggs and bacon as not to cause confusion with a clutter of items.

Jungkook lost his sight at the ripe, but terrible age of 18. Retinitis pigmentosa was the cause of his progressive vision loss. Around 10, he started showing signs when he complained about not being able to see outside when he played later in the afternoon, even when the sun was still bright on the horizon. His parents’ worst fears were confirmed with his diagnosis and the heartache of explaining to their son that he would lose his vision completely was devastating. But Jungkook proved strong and focused on studying Braille and doing whatever he could to prepare himself. Over the years, his vision worsened, he didn’t get to get his driver’s license with his friends, and he missed out on many things, but that didn’t stop him from pursuing his passion in music. He felt a connection when he made music because without his vision, it made him that much more acute in his studies. You met Jungkook in college, both music majors, and the reason you had met was because he had accidentally thwacked you with his white cane.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry,” he had said reaching in your direction.

You had laughed and at first his face was set into a confused expression until you spoke.

“Oh, that little thing couldn’t even leave a mark if you had done it intentionally.”

His face screwed up as he tried to hold in a laugh but was unable to do so at your incessant giggling. When you spoke again was when he thinks he fell in love with you, but there were too many moments to count for him.

You nudged the end of his completely white cane with your foot, no red or other markings. “Completely blind, huh?”

You hadn’t said it with any disdain or judgement; you had said it as if you were just having curious, casual conversation. Most of the time Jungkook felt as if his blindness made him invisible to people as if it were some curse to have and if they accidentally came close to him, they’d hurt him or themselves. Of course, he had his close friends and family that didn’t even remember he was blind half the time, but society always kind of sucked that way.

But you, you were the first girl he had ever met that so blatantly astonished him within the first few minutes and his heart flipped in his chest. He didn’t even need to see you to know that you were perfect, and he would end up with you one day. And, sure enough, five years later you were married and looking for a new home.

“How does this one sound?” you asked one night over your tub of chocolate ice cream.

You both sat at your small kitchen table in your small apartment. Jungkook had one headphone in listening to an audiobook, head resting in his hand as his other played absently on yours. You were scrolling through houses on your phone, trying to find the both of you the perfect one. Jungkook hit pause on his book and looked in your direction. Despite his blindness, nothing about his eyes had really changed; they were still a beautiful brown and they were your favorite to see in the evening light, sunset set his eyes aflame.

“Babe, as long as the layout is easy to memorize and it’s what you want, it’s perfect for me.”

“I love you,” you whispered. Tears filled your eyes at the content look on his face, a slight smile played on his lips. You were truly happy with him, sharing every moment together, and to the fullest, but parts of you did feel sad that he couldn’t see it.

“My god,” he whispered somewhat dramatically and suddenly your tears became a small laugh because you knew where this was going. “If your love were a grain of sand…”

“Mine would be a universe of beaches,” you whispered back.

Now, here you were, in your home with its innocuous fingertip paths lining your walls in an intimate artwork that was priceless to you.  

With your back to the counter you leaned and watched as he moved. You only offered help occasionally and when he asked for it, but you were content to watch. His hands always moved lithely, so smooth, as he reached for objects. He cracked the eggs easily into the hot pan as he began to hum. He’d sometimes hum, sometimes sing, but he’d always choose a song about the same length each time and that was how he timed his cooking. The bacon popped loudly.

“Oops, fire’s too high.” He turned the knob to lower the flame before carefully putting his hand back on the handle of his pan. He picked his song up a few seconds after where he left off. The eggs were frying perfectly in the pan, not that you expected any less.

You pushed away from the counter to start grabbing plates as he neared the end of his song. Before long, he had both plates perfectly set with eggs and bacon as you carried the toast to the table. You buttered and spread the strawberry jam on two pieces, dropping one on his plate as you brought them over. He followed behind you, hand on your waist lightly before sitting down at the table.

“What are we gonna do today?” you asked as you bit into the toast. “Holy shit Taehyung knows what he’s doing with this stuff.”

His smile was bright as he cut into his eggs. “What do you feel like doing?”

The sun was now up over the horizon, spilling into the windows and across your kitchen. You had hung various glass artwork throughout the house and right now the stained glass flower you had hung above the kitchen sink cast an array of colors into the room. Jungkook looked like moving artwork across from you. The colors shifted and changed as he moved, leaning back in his chair then forward again, elbow on the table, moving for a napkin, and each time he did splashes of red, green, blue, and yellow painted his skin.

You hadn’t realized you had fallen silent until Jungkook cleared his throat. “Babe?”

“Sorry, I was thinking.”

“About what?”

“The stained glass is casting a lot of pretty colors on you right now and I got distracted.”

“I bet it looks wonderful.”

He smiled softly as he reached for his glass of milk.

“Describe it to me?” He pushed his plate to the middle of the table as he finished. Placing his head in his hands, he looked in your direction, his eyes averted just down from your eyes and somewhere near the apples of your cheeks. Even if he rarely ever made eye contact, your soft voice always lulled him in and pointed him in the right direction.

“Remember when we’d get those cheap plastic kaleidoscopes as kids?” You pulled his plate towards you and stacked it on your own.

He laughed softly at the memory. “I used to think they were so cool, but the pieces inside were just as cheap as the outside.”

“Well think of that…just prettier.” His smile grew wider as his eyes closed and you knew he was thinking back on a memory. Probably a summer day down by the shore, the salty sea air, and the sun on his face. His mom is with him and everything is so bright. He sees the water and the way it stretches to the horizon, but in his peripheral it’s a little darker. For now, he’ll enjoy the waves.

You stood up and took the plates to the sink and began pulling the pots off the stove and putting them under the water with the rest. The sun still shone through the stained glass in front of you. You got lost in thought, hand still under the water waiting for it to heat up as you stared unblinking and the slightly swaying piece of glass. You jumped when a pair of hands softly caressed your hips.

“Shit,” you whispered. You were snapped out of your daydream and you shakily grabbed the sponge before pouring soap over it.

His lips came down on your neck. “Did I scare you?”

“Yea that was real dickish of you.”

He laughed against your neck as he snaked his arms fully around you and held you close. You began scrubbing at a pan as he hummed lightly, placing yet another kiss to your skin. He inhaled deeply and let his warm breath out slowly.

“You smell good,” he murmured.

“Well, I did take a shower last night….” You put the pan in the drying rack before reaching for another one.

His arms tightened around you and he brought himself a little more flush with your body. He hummed again as he moved his lips along the top of your exposed shoulder.  

“What, pray tell, are you doing?” you asked in a mock accent as your hands dove blindly into the water as you searched for more dishes.

“Kissing you,” he said between small pecks.

“Okay.” You pulled a spoon from the filthy depths of the dish water when Jungkook’s hands moved back to your hips and his fingers dug lightly into them.

“Don’t move,” he whispered before dropping to his knees behind you.

Folding his fingers under the waistband of your shorts, he slowly began to pull them past your hips.

“What are you-“ You tried to turn around but keep your hands over the sink at the same time and you could only swivel so far at the hip.

“Shhh.” He kissed the small of your back and then the swell of your ass as he began to palm your ass cheeks. Slowly, he spread them further and further as he placed kisses along your skin. Your body had gotten whiplash; one second you were washing dishes and the next Jungkook was on his knees behind you. You shook slightly and your internal temperature began to rise. Suddenly, having your hands in the warm water became overbearing. You pulled them out and then clung desperately to a dish towel, but there was no way you were drying your hands right now. You felt his lips again and they were on the underside of your ass this time. You clutched the edge of the sink as you stared into the intricate flower in the glass.

Behind you, Jungkook spread your ass and dipped his head, tongue finding your cunt immediately. He hummed into you and you clenched. He spread them further as he licked at your center before he moved to your ass.

“A-ah,” you stuttered as you leaned more into the counter. His face was buried in your ass eating you out until he almost had your thighs shaking before he moved back to your now embarrassingly wet cunt. His moan was deeper this time as you dripped deliciously onto his tongue. Your mind seemed to exit the room as he shook his head, deepening this lewd kiss. He pushed himself up more on his knees, wanting to get as deep into you as he could. Your cries rose in pitch as your thighs began to shake. Your palms dug into the edges of the counters but all you could think about was him. He moaned the more you clenched, getting closer and closer to the release he wanted to give you. You could barely breathe now, and you were nearly on your tiptoes. All the while, Jungkook had his hands firmly on your thighs now with his face anchoring him to your body. You rocked back into his face and his moans began to pitch now, hands almost kneading at your thighs as he wrapped his hands around the front of them, pulling you harder into his face. Your mind felt as if it were on the brink of shutting down as your whole body began to shake. Every muscle in your stomach tensed as you felt yourself tumbling forward.

Different variations of his name fell from your lips in rapid succession as you crested the hill of your release. You fell over it when a large breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Your body shuddered and it felt as if all the blood inside rushed to your cunt. Jungkook was still eating you out as you came on his face, nearly crying into the kitchen sink. His grip on your thighs loosened first and then his tongue slowed. Your body shuddered every now and then from the aftershock. He kissed the underside of your ass again before standing. He pulled you into him again and held you close as you caught your breath. He kissed the side of your neck as his cheek rested against your skin.

“You taste good, too,” he mumbled.

You let out a shaky laugh. He had said it so nonchalantly as if he weren’t on his knees, face nowhere to be seen, just minutes before.

“Now, my kaleidoscope eyes,” he reached for the back of your knee and brought your leg upwards, “I need you to rest this here.”

He had your leg up on the counter comfortably and then he dipped his hand back between them. Your hips jerked involuntarily as he played with your painfully swollen clit. He circled the tips of his fingers on it softly. He kissed your skin delicately, reverently. The sun rose higher in the sky and from behind your eyelids you could see various colors of orange, blue, and red.

“You always describe the world so beautifully to me,” he whispered.

“I-I don’t want you t-to miss out.” You were a mess and he was making you an even bigger mess.

“Your vision of the world is far better than anything I could dream up.”

His fingers pressed a little harder and you wanted to clench around something only to be met with air. You whined a little as his breath picked up against your skin and he rutted into you. You felt his cock through his sweats and your mouth instantly watered. He hummed again as you began to drip on his fingers as he dipped them before pushing inside of you. He let out a shuddering breath as you swallowed his fingers fully, clenching hard around him. He pushed into you again, cock hard against your ass and he leaned into you as you pressed further into the counter.

“Tell me what you want,” he said gruffly as he pumped his fingers inside of you.

Your toes curled against the countertop, knee hitting a mug across the marble surface but neither of you bothered to acknowledge it. Jungkook was rutting into you now and breathing hotly into your ear. His other hand was on your breast kneading it roughly.

“God, Jungkook, just fuck me already.” You were doubled over with him hot on your back. His fingers pumped faster and faster and you were on your tiptoe again. You pushed your hips into him as he gave two more hard thrusts into you before pulling his fingers away.

His hands were only gone for what seemed like seconds before he had one on your hip and the other rubbing his cock between your folds. You moaned as you anticipated him. You didn’t have to wait long before he was sliding inside of you easily. His body was hot against yours and his skin against your ass was even hotter. His hand was at your breast again kneading as his heavy cock slid in and out of you slowly as if he were trying to make this moment last forever.

“What colors do you see now?” he whispered. His voice sounded strained like he was holding back. How were you supposed to concentrate?

You squinted when you were finally able to open your eyes; the sun was higher and brighter in the sky since you last looked. All you could think about was his cock softly nudging against the nerves inside of you, but he wasn’t going fast enough to really stimulate anything. You pushed your hips back into him again, but he didn’t take the bait as he pinched your nipple through your shirt. His other hand was anchoring your leg to the counter so you couldn’t move it from where he placed it. Plentiful soap suds were all over the sink and slowly popping but there was enough for the colors to be cast in a strange refracted way. The angle of the light caused more rainbows to shine from the hundreds of tiny bubbles. You reached out and braced yourself on the windowsill above the sink before you spoke.

“All of t-them. They’re shining on the soap now.” You were no stranger to describing things to Jungkook, but during sex was a new one.

He seemed satisfied as his pace quickened. His lips were on your neck, wet, and travelling upwards until he bit your earlobe between his teeth. Once again, you were pushing your hips into him as much as he’d let you. He was much too strong pushing you against the counter and his hand on your leg limited your movements.

“Jungkook, please.” You were breathless now, travelling up to that peak again but you needed more than this. He didn’t need to ask to hear your underlying question. He pressed against you harder while at the same time quickening his pace. The hand on your breast splayed across your chest before he moved it slowly down your stomach. Your breath caught in your throat as your stomach tightened. He was dipping his fingers between your legs again and pressed two fingers to your clit. Your chest came flush with the edge of the counter now and you felt Jungkook’s cheek on your shoulder blade. You reached for anything to brace yourself after your sweaty palm slid from the windowsill. You knocked soap and various other items down, sending some splashing into the water and others into the empty side of the steel sink. Jungkook ignored the clattering of items as he began to snap his hips harder. The pressure he had on your clit was barely there but enough to have you straining and willing your body to fall, but you just whimpered as you cried into the sink. He controlled your orgasm and all you could do was fall into the delectable pleasure he was giving you because you knew he always delivered. There was no way he was letting you physically walk away from this.  

The room grew hotter the higher the sun climbed as it cast its menagerie of colors onto your face. The ends of your hair gathered the water droplets collected in the sink as your body shifted with each thrust. Without his sight, Jungkook was acutely more aware to other parts of your body. Like the way your cunt would flutter and tighten like a vice the closer you got your orgasm. He could practically feel the muscles in your back tense up as you focused all your attention to the burning in your abdomen. He pressed his fingers a little harder before moving them faster on your clit. The nerve endings inside were lit on fire, sending the hot flames licking in your core and up into your chest as every hair on your body stood on end as your skin flushed with goosebumps. You began to tremble, thighs cramping as you brought yourself fully up on your toes, other leg sweating against the marble counter. Jungkook’s large hand was still firm on the back of your thigh, keeping your leg up on the edge as he fucked into you faster and harder. You were crying loudly now, not holding anything back as he led you towards the end. Your orgasm hit with an explosion of colors behind your eyelids, aided by the stained glass. Jungkook’s fingers abandoned your clit in favor of bringing you more upright to turn your face enough for a searing kiss; his lips skated across your cheek before he found yours and you moaned into his mouth. He still thrust, ready to follow you down the other side and you clenched harder around him almost making it impossible for him to stay inside, but he had his hips hard against yours and into the counter in front of you. He braced himself against your thigh, his other hand on the counter now, and his lips still on yours as he spilled inside of you. Hot cum began to leak immediately around him and onto the floor. Usually you had your closed legs to keep it contained but now he was dripping all over the kitchen floor. Not that you minded. His moans dropped in pitch as he continued to thrust, overwhelmed by the feeling of you and his cum filling you up and then spilling out. With hips stuttering a few more times, he stilled. Without his movements you could now feel the slip of his cum as it came out of you. Slowly, he let go of your thigh and eased it to the floor. You winced as your cramped muscles begged for relief, but he was gentle in his movements, letting you adjust. He kissed your temple and the side of your face while you tried to regain your breath. Your legs felt as if they’d give out at any moment as they wobbled dangerously, but his steadfast grasp around your waist kept you upright.

The early morning sun still climbed in the sky, now out of view of the stained glass. The kitchen was yet again cast in the muted glow as it hid behind the trees, a display of leaves now covered the room in a strange dance. Jungkook was silent behind you, but still holding you close as he waited for your legs to regain their strength. The dishes sat scattered and forgotten in the sink and on the counter. The last of the soap bubbles were popping away and any hint of the colorful display was gone except for the stained glass now hanging somewhat plainly in the window.

He pulled you impossibly closer, face nuzzled into your neck as he hummed a nonsensical tune.

“Thank you,” he whispered. You were silent, knowing he had more to say. “Thank you for bringing color into my world.”

You squeezed his hand that was around your waist. You didn’t have to say much for him to understand, but what he didn’t know was how much he had brought into yours.

“If your love were a grain of sand…” you began.

“Mine,” he said with a whisper and a kiss to your exposed shoulder, “would be a universe of beaches.”

[ancharan]

you dont deserve this

you’ve probably had a terrible year. you’ve been beaten down by the pandemic, the economy, the jobs, Politics.... you’ve probably had a hard time even feeding yourself. you’ve done good for making it this far, you really have!

that said.

you don’t deserve the Ancient Secrets im about to bestow on you.

normally you’d have to climb a mountain and swim up a water fall and join an ancient temple and defeat your shifu in single combat before you’d be entrusted with these kinds of secrets. im breaking protocol by letting you all in on this. out of pity. its 2022. its been a hard couple of years.

(if you’re already chinese or asian in general you can skip this post its for other Whyte People you probably already know the Ancient Knowledge)

you’re welcome in advance.

i am going to give you a list of components - reagents, if you will - that, when combined, will give you a kind of Healing Broth that will rejuven8 not only your mind and body, but also your soul. pay close attention.

you’re going to go to your Local Grocery Store. You’re going to buy yourself a shitty 25c packet of maruchan ramen. you’re going to get a Chicken Egg. you might be saying, sure, sure, i know about ramenegg, who doesnt know about ramenegg, its 2022, everyone knows about this - shut up. shut the fuck up. you’re going to get kale. chopped kale is better. you can sub out the kale for another Hardy Green Leaf - or just use seaweed like a filthy trad poster, i dont give a shit. i only vouch for the effectiveness of kale in this recipe.

then, once uve got ur Basic Ingredients, ur gonna go to your Local Chinese Store, because getting the rest of these at ur Average Grocery Store is gonna be 1. expensive and 2. will give u shitty brand options

put ramen in boiling water. add spice packet. crack the egg into it and stir it around. add fistful of kale.

then, in moderation and according to ~taste~, add these:

1. lee kum kee chili oil. choose the oil, not the paste. it tastes better.

2. pearl river bridge light soy sauce. the light determiner here is just to differenti8 it from dark soy sauce its not actually light its normal soy sauce

3. kong yen black chinese vinegar. just like a healthy dollop of this

4. white pepper. yes its different than black pepper i recommend u go easy on the quantity until u know what ur doing with this one

5. sesame oil. pungent. sesame. delicious. use like half a teaspoon of this

and then thats it. just cook ur ramen. thank me later. real bonus is that u can use these in all kinds of other sauces, soups, stir fries, and stews. literally even just like... scrambled eggs. throw some sesame oil on those mother fuckers who gives a shit lmao

really beef up ur kitchen by getting some shaoxing wine too just a Hot Tip

[knullanon]

maybe yandad vandal savage with a naive innocent reader?

ooooooo anon havent thought about this one gotta say gotta say

you??? his daughter??? innocent??? hes gonna be thinking, "damn bro, how did i get this sweetheart of a daughter?" anytime he sees you trying to do something in a "un-safe" space, he will send your ass back home and make sure that the "un-safe" space is now safe. this is usually with school, or public places in general.

also, he has a list of "safe" spaces that you can go to, with his permission, which include: the light's meeting places, some houses around the world that he owns, wherever the fuck klarion lives, ra's al ghuls place (he may not be a part of the light anymore, but he sure as hell is still a good candidate for a babysitter), and literally anyone else he trusts

mf will make you stay in whatever place you choose (or that he choose) for months. its like moving a lot, you can stay there for 2 months or up to 10. the longest one you've ever stayed at was 2 days, and that was the "i wanted toast and klarion decided to make it for me" incident

anyway, no friends. ever. he hasn't had that many behavioral problems with his own children, but he knows how angsty they can get at an early age, so he doesn't want other kids influencing you.

this becomes a problem when you start making friends with other villains kids. cheshire will straight up show you a nightclub, while vandal is angrily calling up sportsmaster like "YOU SON OF A BITCH-"

also, he might a good villain, and a good father, but damn he sucks at predicting when other potential father figures try to take you away. fr once darkseid was just pretending to be there on a mission and he was obviously there to get you and ra's was just like "dude hes gonna steal your daughter" and while you were being taken out a window he said, "no he aint"

also, hes really busy sometimes so its kind of easy to escape him. of course, if hes going to be gone longer than 2 weeks he will just bring you with him and say fuck everyone else. once while killing a starro, you were just sitting on the other side of the room eating ice cream like, "bruh i wanna go home"

klarion once gave you a phone and was like "yo get like every social media app you can think of" and then you caused chaos. there was a fight in the cafeteria at ra's al ghul's place? you be your ass you aired it. two villains roasting each other for their tactics? snap it and put it on your story. anything that happens thats batshit crazy or its meme material you have it.

eventually he did find out and was like "why did you give her a phone" and klarion was just "idk man, shes recording darkseid and mongal fighting" and true to his word, they were beating the shit out of each other and you were recording

BONUS:

the "i wanted toast and klarion decided to make it for me" incident happened earlier on almost right after vandal had gotten you. basically, you had found some ingredients for french toast, and being a dumbass, you decided to try and make some to make yourself feel better. so klarion was in the building and saw you trying to make some and he was like "oh yeah, big brother time" and offered to help you. of course, he wanted to try and impress you and all, so he tried to make some fire to toast the bread instead of... putting it in a toaster. he did it, and he started a fire. a grease fire, because he thought that putting oil in a pan would help. so he forgot the one rule of grease fires (btw, if u do have a grease fire, never ever use water to put it out.) and used water. which made the fire bigger obviously. so there you were, sitting at a bar stool, trying to figure out what to do while klarion tried to put it out. so you also had the bright idea of putting water on it, because klarion knows what hes doing, hes not dumb, right? which then made the fire bigger. vandal, at this point, wondering what the noise was, saw you and klarion just trying to put out the fire by blowing on it, or by smacking it with a towel. he got the fire out by putting something over the flames and turning off the heat. of course, damage had been done and the kitchen was halfway burnt, and he banned you from the kitchen without supervision.

yeah, fun times.

[helenazbmrskai]

Not Alone

Title Not Alone

Pairing Yoongi x OC

Summary University is kicking your ass so you always make sure to dedicate a day for yourself and take time to pamper your body and soul. However, you’re cautious around Yoongi your roommate and double-check the d-day to prevent accidents. You're not a fan of revealing any skin because of your insecurities but it’s just happening to be the day when you are - not so alone.

Genre university au, roommate au, romance and fluff, smut

Warning(s) smut (body worshipping, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, messy sex, first time, virgin reader, dirty talk, vanilla sex, yoongi has a virgin kink but not explicitly mentioned) implication of insecure reader, shy and curvy reader

Word count: 9k

Masterlist

This universe is related to my other fic I wrote recently ’one time boy space friend’ you can read that one here.

Washing the excess shaving cream off of my hand I grab my phone I previously placed on the toilet’s folded lid lightly humming the outline of the song currently playing. The new playlist Yoongi recommended is full of bangers as always I have no doubt his fate was eventually to end up as a music major. I take a glance at my reflection when I was able to secure the new position for my phone on the laundry basket with the top slightly open reminding me that I need to do laundry if I want to have clothes to wear.

I take a glance at my reflection removing the fog that made the lines of my face blurry with a towel hanging next to the sink on a hook realising later that I used Yoongi’s looking back at the sheepish smile that greets me in the mirror I placed the fabric back hoping that Yoongi won’t mind.

An unknown rap song’s first beats suddenly interrupted by an incoming call that the familiar piano version of my favourite song signalled. I smile seeing the callers ID, placing the toner back to its dust-filled spot next to Yoongi’s shaving cream I make sure to use the right towel this time to dry my hands with before swiping right on the call.

”Hey, What’s the matter?” I answer it with a huge grin plastered on my face making my cheeks ride up into a chipmunk-like smile.

Our class was cancelled at the last minute so I wasn’t expecting a call from her she told me while we were waiting for the instructor to arrive that she has plans with his boyfriend Jimin. Only having calculus that day after an exchanged heated curses for our lazy professor for not e-mailing about the reschedule I happily took a sweet nap and made an easy breakfast I normally don’t have time to consume or even make in the morning I was able to get my relaxing time to start earlier so it meant more time for me since Yoongi supposedly took the afternoon shift.

This piece of information I remembered while chewing on my sandwich as I thanked the gods that I overheard his conversation about the shift change last night when I went to get my late-night snack but seeing the date expired on the comfort food I had to engage in a yoghurt instead.

”Y/N. Are you home?” She asked matching my good mood in the background I heard clinking noises of a pan she must be cooking. I insert my head through the large black t-shirt’s hole as I started to freeze standing here only in my undergarments the effect of the hot shower faded leaving me in the significantly colder bathroom.

”Of course. I started my pamper routine. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be hairless. If only my hair would grow this fast.” She chuckles hearing my banter the faint sounds of crepitation usually the hot oil makes overpowering her giggle for a few seconds. I remember the sandwich I ate this morning around ten-ish that did not prove to be enough. I get sidetracked with what should I make for lunch.

”Oh, so Yoongi is working?” Knowing about my only one rule regarding this d-day I like to call it is that no man should be around when I’m wearing this revealing clothing. He only saw me wearing jeans and yoga pants before these jelly-like legs cannot make a debut in front of eyes outside of mine.

”Yep.” I confirm. I take a look at the time I still have lots of time to relax before I should start that assignment I postponed.

I have everything planned out since Yoongi usually comes home from work in a grumpy state he likes to shower first and then he retreats into his room to do his assignments and sometimes he writes a song or the song even could be the assignment itself I honestly don’t know how’s everyday life as a music major. Yoongi is not exactly the talkative type.

My silent activity is helping his concentration and the best thing is that I have the apartment by myself to do what I please and leave the comfort of my room wearing what I please without worrying.

The best would be if I could rent out my own apartment but I know I wouldn’t be able to pay it by myself and the fact that Yoongi and I share the expenses of the bill makes things so much more easier.

”Why did you call though? I’m sure it’s not because you already miss me.” Tired of holding the phone up I place it back where it was before leaving the call on speakers so I can rub the cocoa scented lotion into the skin on my legs.

”Right. I almost forgot. Jin taught you that Mexican dish that I don’t know how to pronounce its name, right?” Her voice fades a little mid-sentence probably changed ears hearing the cooking noises seeping through the background she seemed very busy.

”What about it?” I question closing the lid of the lotion after I rub the remaining cream on my hand onto my neck so nothing goes to waste.

”I need the recipe.” She demands. I laugh how desperate she sounds through the phone. I make my way out of the bathroom I need my notebook since I didn’t memorise the dish I only made it once and as it was previously stated with the help of Jin.

”Hold on I don’t remember where I left the notes.” I arrive at the kitchen area placing the phone on the counter I begin rummaging through the drawers bending down to peek at the content of each. Spoons and forks. The second one where Yoongi placed the aprons and towels my notebook must be in the last one. ”So, what are the plans for today?” I ask while still searching for the black shiny cover of my notebook.

”Well, I wanted to cook something Italian since Jimin told me once he wanted to try it out but a crucial ingredient is missing so I thought about making that one you told me about a few weeks ago at Jin’s birthday party. After I’m finally done with this shit I’m going to sneak into his room to give him the blowjob of his life while he’s playing some shit games boys do and tell him lunch is ready.” The huge breath she took before starting the word vomiting makes me praise her lung capacity.

Finally. The book was under the aprons what a hassle. I straighten up turning the pages when I hear the front door opening and shut soon after. I turn to see the face of the intruder as I’m still standing in the middle of the kitchen with my hair evidently wet from the shower I took earlier only in my panties and a huge ass shirt to cover myself with.

Yoongi drops his coffee-stained shirt by the foot of the couch the angle is letting me see the living room area without a problem but he can’t clearly see the kitchen from there but my relief is not long-lasting as my friend decides to choose that moment to speak drawing Yoongi’s attention to where I’m standing.

”Y/N are you still there? Shit. I burnt my finger.” Grabbing the phone off the counter I switch off the speaker option and push the device against my ear.

”Yeah, um, I’ll send you the recipe via message. Good luck. Bye.” I aggressively push the red phone button at the bottom left side of the screen until the call ends. Hearing my voice Yoongi walks through the door separating the living room and the kitchen to halt his steps when he takes the image in.

It’s not one of those best times to ponder over how good looking he’s after finishing work and how he always smells like freshly brewed coffee which is not a surprise knowing the fact that he works at a coffee shop near our rented place.

He doesn’t wear the shirt uniform it must be the one he got rid of because of the stains today he wears a simple white t-shirt with washed-out blue jeans. Focusing on his face again I see that his eyes no longer studying my face instead his gaze dipped lower and I swear he's not so subtle about ogling at my exposed legs. My legs!

”You’re … early.” I talk first considering my options. A, I can still make a run for it but the damage is already done. He saw me. Or B, I can try to make small talk pretending that nothing is embarrassing at all just to later enter my room and dig a hole with all of my self-pity and scream into my pillow.

”Um, there was a shift change but I finished 2 hours early in return.” He explains this time his gaze was on my face the entire time no more strayed glimpses. Fuck. I should have paid attention to the whole conversation. ”Don’t you .. have class normally this time around?” He trails off a faint trace of blush appears on his porcelain skin. I use the notebook to hide my panty line that peeks out of the shirt.

”Class cancelled.” I’m horrified how my voice sounds so high pitched the embarrassment paints my cheeks bright red. ”Um, I have something to do in my room so I’ll be there.” I use the lame excuse to escape from Yoongi when I close the door behind me I close my eyes as well because of the extreme humiliation I had to go through.

My phone buzzes in hand I suddenly remember the recipe I promised. I write a quick message to her attaching the picture of the ingredients and notes to help her with the preparations. Now since I’m done with the responsibilities I can swim in my tears for the time being.

I can’t believe after months of caution fate decided to take away from me the deserved me time days. Yoongi is probably weirded out by me too I don’t know how to look him in the eye from now on and it’s a serious problem. For lords heaven, we live together! There’s no way I can avoid him without being obvious about it.

I mean maybe I’m just overreacting. It’s Yoongi we are talking about. He most of the time doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything he certainly won’t mention it and for obvious reasons I won’t either so I can just leave things like that. Just acting as usual like he didn’t saw my legs and my black underwear not to mention he is the very first one to see it I mean outside of my family of course. He’s a boy. No. A man. And he saw me underdressed like that.

It’s okay Y/N, let’s see the bright side at least he saw me when I was shaved. Well, that doesn’t help. Not at all.

”Shit. I’m hungry.”

I waited an hour and forty minutes to be exact despite the rumble of my stomach I sat down to start the book one of my friends lent me to read and I’m over a quarter of the pages when I decided enough is enough.

I waited long enough so he must be cooped up in his room slash studio for the rest of the day. But to be extra cautious I peeked out before fully leaving the safety of my room. I stop once I step into the corridor listening for any noises that might indicate Yoongi has indeed occupied his nest the soft sounds of the synthesizer helps me to relax I leisurely make my way then in the direction of the kitchen.

As I flip the switch the room is enveloped in light. My favourite mug is sitting on top of the counter even though I don’t remember leaving it there. I walk to take a closer look the mug is filled with coffee it’s in a light brown colour so it must a latte. It smells like latte indeed.

My favourite drink. There’s a note glued to the bottom of the mug it’s a messy handwriting and I don’t have to guess to know to whom this belongs to. How did he know my favourite coffee order?

”Sorry for startling you earlier. - myg”

The simple worded note even had his initials at the end. Realising that I never tried out his coffee made me curious about the taste. He works as a barista so It cannot be bad. I’m always late for class so I never had the chance before going into the shop when he’s on duty and order a drink from him.

Most of the time I’m saving on it and just use the shared coffee machine. Don’t blame me I’m just a broke university student.

But if I drink this I won’t be able to sleep it’s pretty late. Fuck it. I’m going to drink it. Not that the unholy time for coffee consumption deterred me before and picked up on some of Yoongi’s personal characteristics I think I can confidently say he doesn’t care either.

I bite into my lip while carefully straightening the lines out on the sticky note. After I was convinced the note won’t come off of his door I leave to go to bed.

”Thanks for the coffee. I liked it. – Y/N.”

***

”Can you guys stop shovelling food into your mouths for a millisecond. I’m serious!” Hitting the table for further emphasis.

Rori and F/N digging through a pile of food before our morning class is something I got used to first as I befriended them and it doesn’t bother me any other time but I wanted some serious advice for once and they don’t even stop digging to say well that’s was awkward. Or shit that sucks.

Not that I don’t know that without them telling me. I appreciated the note and the subtle apology he didn’t phrase it like hey dummy I’m sorry for seeing your sausage legs my bad. Also, it would be unlikely, too wordy for him he’s tight-lipped even in messages. I don’t remember he ever told me like a two full sentence in one go.

”Serious for what Y/N? He saw your underwear and legs. Tell us if you display your boobs or something. Now, I would be interested.” Rolling my eyes at the sarcastic remark I steal one of her favourite apple pie sticks for good measures.

”Hey! I was going to eat that.” She pouts but I take another big bite out of it. It’s too sweet for my liking but everything for the even sweeter revenge. If there’s one thing I learned about these two throughout the years of knowing them is that they take their food very seriously. ”Look. We love you, that’s why I’m going to tell you this. It’s not a big deal.” She pats my cheek before picking up her fork again.

”So what happened F/N. Did you gave Jimin the blowjob of his life?” I used a quote mark at the end of the sentence just how she phrased it yesterday. Rori is more interested in that, of course, there’s nothing more important than sex.

”Let me say the food was cold once we were finished.” She chuckled bashfully. Do I have the right set of friends? Maybe I should be pickier about who I call as a friend.

”So he’s big?” Rori asked with a smirk and I almost spitted out the diet coke onto the dining table. We are in a fucking coffee shop for god damn good. Thankfully not the one Yoongi works for but I think he has morning class so he won’t be working either way.

”Please don’t go into details.” I plea and Rori presents me with a devilish grin while picking the chicken breasts out of my salad.

”It’s fine Y/N. I was a virgin too before Jimin. Your time will come, not that it’s a choice.” F/N tries to console me.

”It’s a choice just not mine.” I murmur it under my nose stabbing my salad with the fork before chewing on it without the meat it’s quite sour.

”Yeah. It’s because you and F/N are both have big sticks up your asses.” Used to her blunt remarks I’m not even hurt or surprised for that matter. The busy cafe drowns out the voices of their inappropriate talk at least.

”It’s not our fault that you fuck every man with a pulse.” F/N retorts back with a giggle satisfied with the remark we exchange high fives.

”How do you know it’s a requirement?” Rori lifts one of her brows making us do gagging motions.

”Ugh, That’s disgusting.” I abandon the food on my plate that was a bit too much and we are in the middle of breakfast.

”A person cannot even joke here? I wasn’t serious. Duh.” I should really search for those new friends.

”That’s something I can believe.” The insult wasn’t even spoken out too loud but she heard me all the same and it earned a kick under the table from Rori with his high heels, I returned the glare she sent my way.

***

”Oh, hi.” I step aside to let Yoongi enter, he furrows his brows in concentration if I wasn’t running late I would ponder over the fact how he measures my body by centimetres. I fidget with my earrings but without a mirror, it’s a difficult task to carry out.

”I thought we’re going to meet with the guys at 8.” Realising the motive behind his stare I nod furiously.

”Yeah. But Rori accepted that guy’s offer to taste wines and she’s afraid she’s going to be abducted so me and F/N will accompany her.” I tell him and he doesn’t seem pleased I wasn’t either at first but I hope he won’t do anything with three girls there.

”Be careful. Anyone else knows about this?” He asks with evident worry lacing his voice he steps closer helping to finally get that chape snap into place.

”Jimin knows and I think Jungkook knows too.” Once he’s done he restores the distance between the two of us. ”Also you know F/N she’s apt to be violent.” Yoongi nods.

”Fuck. I’m late.” I swear as I look at the time. With hurried steps, I pick up my boots and size up my keys ready to leave.

”See you later.” Hearing his voice calling out to me I look back smiling a little managing to whisper back a ’see you later’ of my own. I think this was the longest conversation I held with him so far, what a shame I couldn’t stay to talk more.

The wine tasting went better than I expected. That guy is filthy rich he gave us a little tour around the house before letting us each pick out 5 wines of our liking. We learned that he’s a sports major he’s a swimmer and he told us stories about his practises with the swimming team and talked awfully long about his wins and trophies. To be honest he seemed like a bit eccentric and pompous for me but Rori liked him.

We were late because our taxi on its way to the bar got into a little traffic jam. I got a text from Yoongi at the same time F/N got one from Jimin they were curious about where we are and how we are. We wrote back a short text that we’re almost there.

”So? Whose’s the guy?” Jin asked once we are seated down. F/N took her place next to Jimin and Rori beside her leaving me with the only option of sitting down next to Yoongi at the other side of the table.

Once I’m comfortably seated I look around the table I catch in the corner of my eye Namjoon and Jungkook taking shots. Yoongi grabs his alcoholic beverage before him from the table our shoulders brush against each other due to the motion. I bite the inside of my cheeks don’t want to fidget in place.  

”He’s a sports major.” Rori told Jin she told him about our little tour but she conveniently left out the offer about a threesome that I politely declined.

”Oh Y/N you remember that guy who wanted to get your phone number?” Scrunching my nose as the scene flashed before my eyes, of course, I remember. That was one of my most awkward moments and believe me when I say there’s a lot of option to choose from on my list and it’s still the worst. As far as I know, that guy was a sports major too and he was very persistent.

”Yes, what about him?” I nod. I try to shoo the pictures out of head but a forming blush creeping up my neck quicker than I realise.

”Well he’s here. And he’s coming this way.” F/N tells without looking my way her eyes trained behind my form probably to report back his every move. I physically have to hold myself back from whimpering and its not the good kind.

”Shit.” I bite my lower lip don’t want to make things more obvious I don’t turn around to confirm it.

”Oh. I remember. You gave him Rori’s number, don’t you?” Jungkook, you traitor. He was with me when it happened I was flustered enough that he asked Jungkook is my boyfriend or not that I didn’t want to expand my suffering so I gave him my friend's number. She told me if someone I don’t want tries to get into my pants and bothers me I can use her number as a bait knowing her even though my pants were not on the line I still did that. Well, she did more than that after.

”Then what’s the problem?” Jin asks so invested in our conversation that I want to smack him on the neck.

”I was sexting with him and we fucked.” She shrugs. That was what I tried to say. I really don’t want to face that guy.

I stand up with so much vehemency that I almost knock down a glass from the table it’s Yoongi’s empty glass at the bottom of it there’s a thin line of whiskey left. Yoongi grabs my thighs to stabilise me. Looking over his shoulder I saw that said guy indeed walking into this direction.

”Uh, please dance with me?” I grab Yoongi’s hand surprising him for a moment or two but lets me pull him up.

”You have a habit of running away, huh?” I look back to get a grip at the situation. I led Yoongi into the dance floor even though I don’t even know how to dance. He sees the panic settling in my face so he starts guiding me with his hand flat against my lower back. There’s a lot of bodies to avoid so Yoongi is extremely close.

”I don’t like confrontation.” I subtly hide behind his broad shoulders I can see it on him how he tries to stop himself from laughing. I like the sound of his laugh.

”I’m aware.” He purrs into my ear pulling me closer by a hand wrapped around my waist the sweet scent of his cologne hits me like a tone of bricks. I’m painfully aware how his body touches mine my breast pushed against his flat ribcage I can feel him inhaling and exhaling the used oxygen.

”Y-your hand Yoongi.” His hand is dangerously low on my back I’m sure he feels the curve of my ass under his fingers. The bar is dimly lit so my blush remains subtle in a certain extent seeing me blush so many times I wouldn’t be surprised if he would recognise it before it fully blooms on my face.

”What about it?” He clearly wants me to say it but there’s no way I’m going to bluntly say that his hand touches my ass. Rather die.

”What are you doing? Are you drunk?” I defensively ask answering the question with my own questions. He openly finds my antics amusing because this time he laughs. That gummy smile makes my knees weak for him he strengthens his hold on my waist like he knows it.

”My car is here. I’m as sober as I can be.” The hand I placed on his chest when he suddenly pulled me closer itched. He’s touching me and he’s sober. Heaving a sigh he replaces them around his neck I can’t relish in the feeling as his hand on my ass beyond doubt gone since he places it back soon after even lower. The grin he shows me makes me want to give him my fist instead of my virginity.

”Then why are you touching me?” My confidence wavered significantly as he lowered his head his lips closer than ever but instead of kissing me, he blows air into my ear riling me up with the gesture.

”This makes you uncomfortable?” I wanted to say yes, but the full truth would be it’s undeniably uncomfortable and exciting it makes my blood boil under my skin and it scares me how much I want him to touch me tossing aside my insecurities just to feel him like this. At least he knows his boundaries. I don’t know what would I do if his hand suddenly moved.

”No. I’m just embarrassed.” I nervously twist a hair at the nape of his neck didn’t realise the act just when I did it.

”You ran away because you were embarrassed yesterday too?” I stop toying with his hair once the words register in my head. Is he talking about the kitchen incident? And here I thought that there’s nothing more that could make the situation more awkward.

”Y-yes.” The confidence I felt before left me I shy away from his eyes the way he sized me up that day still vivid in my head.

”Why?” A perfect arch of his eyebrows indicating that he wants his answer this time and I am about to give him.

”Because you were staring at me.” I tell him oh so matter of factly. He practically beams at the offered answer the glint in his eyes telling me that’s the answer he seeks in the first place and he has his own set of words in return.

”Wanna know what I thought about while staring at you?” His eyes pinning me to my spot I wouldn’t dare to move away even if I wanted to he seemed determined to get under my skin and maybe under my clothes too.

”No.” I challenge drunk by the boldness maybe the gin tonic I consumed earlier and the wines finally appearing be to be the liquid courage I needed. Reading between the lines Yoongi tells me despite the answer.

”I imagined how you would look like wearing my shirt. It would cover you below your knees since you are tiny. Tell me you’re wearing one of those black panties I saw before?” I don’t answer but I let him pat my knee I can feel his warm palm under the fabric of my jeans he continues with more words even bolder than the first.

”I imagined how you would look like under me on my bed wrapping those long legs around my waist.” Affected by his words I mirror his hungry expression. He’s normally not a man of so many words and hearing him talk this much makes me feel special that he’s talking to me because he feels the need to let me know what’s plaguing his mind. I entertain the idea that maybe he wasn’t sure how to convey the message since I’m so shy he didn’t have a lot of opportunity cornering me before the kitchen incident. Perhaps it was the undo he needed.

”Tell me Y/N. Do you find me attractive?” His fingers stroke the flesh of my jaw he’s getting confident as I don’t push him away.

”You are attractive.” I tell him honestly and he grins but not in a malice kind of way his grin more like a boyish grin that boys wear after hearing that their high school crush likes them back. The happy kind of grin.

”Have you thought about me too? Like I did.” The next question hits differently it’s not so innocent and I wasn’t in the illusion he is.

”Yes.” Holding onto the boldness I agree.

”Tell me.” He urges. He’s sober I remember. Avoiding his stare I let my shyness getting to the best of me he brushes a strand of hair behind my ears coaxing out the reply. It feels nice to be touched by him.

”It’s embarrassing.”

”I told you mine. You have to tell me your fantasies so I can make them come true.” He trails a finger following the line of my collarbone my outfit leaves literally everything to the imagination the only skin he can feel is on my arms.

”You’re unfair.” I whine the words out Yoongi stops his movements to see the emotions behind my eyes. He seems confused by my conflicted expression. His eyes were always expressive and I loved staring at them. Those rare moments shared, eating together at the weekends letting me hear one of his song he proudly introduces.

”How so?”

I take a deep breath cupping his cheeks. ”You look good with dyed hair but I prefer it black. You look the best when you come home from work all sweaty because the air conditioner still not gotten repaired in your workplace so you always take a shower before doing anything else.” There’s glint catching the light in his orbs watching me closely while I tell him the things I locked away in my memories. He caresses my wrist with a raised hand the other directly resting upon mine as it's his face still trapped between the heels of my palms.

”I like your voice.” I let the words flow out like a river caught up in a thunderstorm. ”I always wanted to know how it would sound like moaning my name. I like your hands too.”

”What about them?” A big smile stretches his face knowing too well he won. I don’t feel the frustration of losing I’d gladly accept this fate again and again if it will give me the same results at the end of this.

”Yoongi.” I whine.

”Did you imagined this? Or this?” His hands leaving their position fondling the flesh on my hip hiding me behind his body he walks a hand up my decolletage.

”Stop, we are in public.” I hiss.

”No one pays attention Y/N. But I’ll gladly take this to the bedroom.” The offer temps me but I remember the boys.

”We can’t. You are the only sober one and the guys need their ride home.” I reason and Yoongi groans in frustration. He forgot about them already. He looks at the booth the others are drinking and laughing.

”If I tell Namjoon to stop drinking he would be sober enough to drive them back.”

I shake my head it would be too dangerous and considering he competed with Jungkook about who can take more shots I bet he’s drunk like a donkey alongside with the younger boy. ”I’m drunk too.” I tell him when he tries to come up with more solution.

”Fine.” Yoongi hugs me close probably to hide his displeased face doesn’t want to sound so desperate maybe he’s embarrassed.

”Don’t be like that. I promise if in the morning when I sobered up you still want to do it I’ll let you.”

He perks up gently pushing me away to look into my eyes. ”Let me do what?”

”Let you take me.”

 ***

I feel something warm tickling my sides a sudden wave of cold air hits my stomach but the cold soon replaced with a warm and wet feel against my skin. My eyes narrowly open I try to fidget away wrapping my fingers around the comforter when I feel that wet and warm feeling on my thighs.

Hands and tongue. The fog in front of my eyes clears I don’t remember when did I fell asleep or how did I end up here. Where am I? I spot the synthesizer in the corner Yoongi’s synthesizer. Yoongi’s room.

”Yoongi, what .. ah” My voice raspy from sleep the way he rubbed his nose into my neck just to deliver a long kiss to it after halted my question before I was able to voice it out.

”Did I wake you up. My bad.” He smiled into my skin loving the way my heart beats erratically with his every touch, his hand above my breast feeling the movements of it.

”You don’t sound so sorry about it.”

”Do you have a headache?” He caresses the side of my face helping to curl the locks behind my ear that interfered with my vision. The thoughtful gesture made me smile up at his face mirroring his expression of tenderness.

”No I’m good. I didn’t drink that much.” My fingers itch to touch his face maybe it’s because of the dreamy state I’m currently in that I have the confidence in doing so. I brush my hands through his bangs his eyes closing the caress urges a smile he grabs my hands once I’m about to pull away to move it against his mouth giving a small kiss onto my palm before intertwining them with his much larger ones.

I could get used to this. The image of him looking so raw and so vulnerable his eyes puffy with sleep lazy motions of his fingertip exploring my body under the duvet. My shirt is rolled up just below my breasts the shirt’s neck hangs around my shoulder in a loose coverage it smells like Yoongi just like the covers. Looking down I realise it’s not my shirt. It’s his.

”Glad to hear that. I want you to repeat your promise to me.” Yoongi burrows his face into my neck again his hair brushing against my bare skin the hand that’s not holding mine drops under the covers finding my hip guiding me to drape my right leg over his waist facing each other sideways.

”Promise? Can you be more specific?” I boldly move my hand caressing with feather-light touches his side I can feel his bare torso and hips under my fingers he shivers and not because of the cold. He’s shivering because I touched him and he’s not wearing a shirt. The thought crosses my mind that the shirt I’m wearing is the one he did wear the whole day but not now. Every other day I would be embarrassed but I quite liked the idea of wearing his clothes in his bed.

”A tease I see.” He recovered quicker than I would like he gave a quick peck onto my shoulder where his shirt didn’t cover that much skin. He cupped my breast above the fabric of my bra the sudden feel of him squeezing me there I whined a little bit too loudly. I pulled my hand away shielding my face due to embarrassment.

”Yoongi.” I shyly call his name. He let his hand stay there but he remained motionless giving my hands each a kiss just where my eyes would be if I didn’t hide behind my limbs. His hand felt warm against me where my bra wasn’t covering his two fingers rested directly on the skin of my breast.

”Do I have your consent baby?” I gulp my shy personality says no but my body says yes for me.

”You can have anything.” I place my palm against his that lays on my body my eyes still closed but I don’t shield my face anymore. The words came out as whispers even though I wanted him to hear me say it. I wanted him to go on.

”Love. Answer me.” I open my eyes again when I feel his hand leave my boobs to cup my face with it instead.

”You can have me. You can fuck me. Did it answer your question or should I be more specific?” I wet my lips poking my tongue against the inside of my cheeks trying to calm down the rapid movement of my heart my hands shook as I grip his hair moving my mouth against his to not just say but show my consent. I want this. I want him.

”No. I think it was explicit enough, I like seeing you blush.” Hearing him say that makes me blush harder and he gifts me with a gummy smile basking in the responsive reactions. I would be more embarrassed if I wouldn’t feel the sticky substance dampening my underwear.

”Do you have something in mind? A preference? Or can I surprise you.” The way he explicitly asks about my sexual preferences makes him appear hotter a new wave of arousal hits me making me grind my thighs together forgetting that Yoongi’s leg is between them. I know he felt the wetness but doesn’t comment on it he instead pushes his knees further up parting my legs.

”You d-decide.” I moan when his knee brushes against my crotch. He hummed delighted by my answer. Placing back his hand once more squeezing my breasts before undoing the clasps behind my back. He slowly lets the material fall he strictly looks into my eyes not wandering downwards seeking out my every reaction. I gave him a little nod he takes it as the permission he needed he moves the cover so he can take a look.

”So pretty.” He sighs into my skin he turns my body to be flat against the bed the cold sheets meeting with my back goosebumps travelling up my spine. ”So soft.” He mumbles the endless of praises dragging his fingers over a nipple before licking it with his tongue a choked moan leaves my parted lips his hair gently caressing the skin. He circles the nipple with his poked out tongue kneading the other neglected one with his free hand. Mewls and sighs, in turn, filling the room trying to keep my voice quiet but it’s hard since the only thing I can concentrate on is his mouth on me and his hands those long fingers as he drags them down on my body a finger slides under the waistband of my panty he stretches the material out before letting it snap back into place. The uncomfortable feeling of it sticking to my folds gets frustrating by every passing minute.

”You smell good.” His raspy voice helps me return from my sudden astonishment I scrape his scalp with my long nails as I weave my fingers through his hair he lets out a low growl my skin covering up the noise the vibration he sends up my body by it makes me tighten my legs around his waist my underwear covered cunt pressed against his firm chest forces a not so silent whine out.

”It’s m-my lotion.” I reply absentmindedly. He hums into my collarbone not sure my answer registered truly in his brain I feel him taking a big inhale before pulling away he pushes himself up with the help of his hands planted beside my head looking with heavily lidded eyes taking in my hazed eyes and swollen lips before connecting our mouths. I almost forgot how good of a kisser Yoongi is.  

The light touch against my inner thigh makes my hip jolt up in surprise Yoongi’s eager mouth swallows all the sounds and whimpers. ”Relax.” He purrs aiming for my hips soothing circles into my skin. I take a few deep breaths Yoongi waits patiently for me to calm down a little the way his eyes sizing me up like I’m some kind of goddess eases some of my nerves. Once he’s positive I’m not going to run away he lets his palm touch me the barrier that’s my underwear stays in place as he drags his fingers directly onto my heat. I feel it throb under his ministrations having confidence after a few moans I let out he gets bolder using more pressure to dip between my folds the underwear’s silky touch lets him move smoothly. ”Can I feel it? I want to make sure you’re wet enough before I do anything else.” Nodding even before the question was fully out I anticipate a laugh or something to tease me about my eagerness. I don’t think I wanted someone this bad before to touch me. But he doesn’t laugh he seems as eager as I feel. He slides a finger under the damp material but he retreats too soon. ”Please, can I take it off?” To persuade me further if his plea wasn’t enough he rubs his fingers where my clit is over my panty. The plea was enough but I’m not complaining. I manage to signal him with a breathy yes. Don’t have to tell him twice he slides the ruined material down my legs his big warm hands gripping my inner thighs preventing my legs from closing before he can take a look.

”Look at that. So pink and swollen for me.” Previously he was careful with every move waiting for approval before doing anything bold but like he’s lost all the continence in him Yoongi drags two fingers up my folds coating his fingers with my arousal letting just the tip of his fingers penetrating just to pull back. I let out the loudest moan blushing as I realise just how loud I sounded but Yoongi doesn’t seem to mind, not at all. He wanted to coax more of those sounds as he bent down parting the lips with his tongue letting out his own moans while tasting me and if it’s even possible at this point I feel more turned on than ever.

”Warm too. Sorry, my love, my hands are a little cold but I hope you don’t mind.” He finally slips a finger in my eyes slightly open he watches me with a grin loving the way I squirm wanting it chuckles deep and I don’t mind at all. The stretch his one digit means feels familiar reminding me when I was chasing relief on my own but his fingers are so so much better longer and thicker. I can’t wait to feel the second one.

”I want to make you cum on my tongue.” Delivering a kittenish lick sucking on my clit for the demonstration before he goes on. ”Just to bring you another orgasm with my fingers.” Yoongi curls the one finger in me rubbing it into my throbbing walls ”Lastly let you cum around my cock.” He throws his head back moaning sinfully just thinking he’s about to make everything he said come true. ”You deserve at least three orgasms but I shouldn’t be greedy your virgin cunt can’t handle three.” He eases another finger in this time the stretch is a bit more uncomfortable.

”Let’s start with two.” He says settled with the idea he places a wet kiss onto my hip before finding my abused clit again sucking and rolling it around his tongue my walls contacts around his two digits I feel the sticky substance coating my inner thighs and dripping onto the sheets the mess, the way Yoongi’s hair tickle my thighs, the way he moves his fingers inside me, the pleasure gets overwhelming something starts to build up promising a relief I never had the chance of feeling before.

”Yoongi fuck, Yoongi” His name spills from my mouth and it seems to encourage him to be faster.

”It’s fine.” He tells before sucking harshly on my clit. ”Cum for me.” The proud grin he forms still buried between my legs and the vibration of his hum makes my legs shake I let my head fall back into the pillows closing my eyes until I see literal stars.

He stops lapping my juices once I’m finished the proud smile still plastered on his face licking his lips capturing the remaining of my pleasure. He looks so hot. I never knew I’m capable of coming this hard.

”Good?” Placing a kiss onto my nose he caresses my arms I didn’t realise I was grabbing onto the sheets this tight I let Yoongi place my hands onto his shoulder blades he moves to get between my legs once more.

Instead of answering, I can’t help but impatiently point out. ”You’re still wearing clothes.” I grab his hips pulling on his sweatpants playfully.

”Wanna take it off?” He asks smirking. I roll my eyes at his cockiness not that he’s all talk when it comes to his skills but he has more ego than he can manage and I’m not going to increase it for him.

”So what? Don’t tell me you are not eager even more than me to bury your dick into my virgin pussy.” His eyes grow bigger for a split second before it regains its original state, so he can be startled too. I’m surprised by my boldness, but god, it’s worth it seeing him so fucked up by those words.

”You’re playing a dangerous game Y/N. I need my self-control right now.” Something shifted in his eyes he looks like he’s about to devour me. Yoongi shifts onto his knees to get rid of the final barriers between us. I close my eyes my shyness returns too soon but Yoongi doesn’t mind it I open my eyes again as he positions myself above me placing a firm kiss onto my lips he senses I’m anxious.

”Do you trust me?” Seeing the open vulnerability in his shiny orbs, not entirely clouded by lust makes my head swim with a lot of suppressed emotion. I feel the urge to smile lifting my head from the pillows beneath me I give him a peck.

”Of course I am.” I kinda like you. I bite into my lips before the next sentence could slip through we’ll talk about this another time. Right, the only thing I want to focus on is Yoongi. Only Yoongi. His tip brushes against my stomach, shit, I haven’t seen how big he is. His lip pressed to mine swallows the tiny moan leaving my lips as he pushes the first inch inside parting my walls in a painful stretch. Fuck. He’s big.

”Tight.” Yoongi moans, more in pleasure than I am currently in but it’s ok. He made me cum I want to see him cum too. ”Relax for me angel I won’t hurt you I promise.” Relishing in the way he caresses my side I try to relax my body he pushes another inch in slowly his tip must be fully buried by now.

”That’s right. You’re doing so well.” He praises his eyebrows knit together in concentration he’s holding himself back because of me. Touched by the gesture I move my hip to meet his advances he slips in deeper than he intended his groan significantly louder by the sudden pleasure.

”Does it hurt?” He pulls himself together to keep the eye contact he caresses the skin under my eye I nod before answering.

”A little.”

”Let’s try a few more thrusts if it still hurts after that I’ll stop and eat you out again. Shit. Maybe I should have made you cum again for the extra lubrication.” Yoongi regretfully gazes at my face.

”It’s fine. Just go slow.” I say the burning is bearable I’m getting used to the feeling slowly but not sure if I can cum again.

”My baby is so tight.” I’m definitely a sucker for those pet names. It helps me focus on his words instead of his slow thrusts. ”I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel. Feeling you wrapped around me a dream come true.” I experimentally squeeze around him and he lets out a loud moan his head nestled into my neck groaning and moaning between filthy words his pace got quicker but I don’t stop him even though it’s not feeling as good as him eating me out. I want to please him though and by the sounds, he seems very pleased.

”Are you alright?” He stops after hearing a louder whiny moan on my part but I don’t let him I circle my hips in place dragging out moans from him but he forces himself to reset his previous slower pace. I’m not having any of it. I want him to cum and want it soon.

”Yoongi” I whine out his name an idea foggily forming at the back of my head. ”Yoongi, I wanna ride you.”

”Are y-you sure?” He stills inside of me waiting for the confirmation and I nod inviting him into a kiss that turns slopy by time. I feel his hands grabbing at my waist to change position this way he sinks in deeper.

Holy shit it feels so much better.

”Fuck. Do you like this?” He grips my hips dragging his cock touching every sensitive part in me as my walls swallow his shaft he pulls me up just to let me sink down with a needy moan I’m starting to feel the appeal.

”Yes. I-ah-think.” I can almost picture the way my eyes roll back behind my skull right now. What was I saying? ”Go faster.” I choke out and Yoongi with a following set of groans obligates I’m too far gone to pay attention to how Yoongi watches with hungry eyes that I ruin the bedsheets.

”I like that you are so messy.” He places a stray hair behind my ears our chests pressed together so he can thrust up faster and harder. Yoongi holds me in place taking control the way his eyes shuts involuntarily and his member twitching inside of me signals that he’s close.

He’s breathtakingly beautiful as he reaches his high he’s so lost in the pleasure my walls provide so tight around him that he doesn’t have the mind to kiss me back so I just press them together for a minute longer. My legs ache because of the exercise but I let him use me to ride out his high the pretty sounds and satisfied look he gives me once seated firmly inside me with our mixed cum spilling out he looks down where our body connects rubbing the skin of my hip lovingly while watching me ruin his sheets. He likes that I’m messy.

”I hope you like me back because I don’t think I could fuck anyone else from now on.” I end up in a pit of laughter leaning my head on his shoulder he feels my body shake with the motion Yoongi whines in overstimulation when I accidentally squeeze his spent member. I peck the skin where my head previously rested before searching for Yoongi’s eyes.

”I do like you back.” I admit it shyly even though there’s nothing to be shy about his dick is still inside for fuck’s sake.

”Glad to hear that.” His grin returns faster than the speed of light. ”I thought I fucked your brains out when you suddenly started laughing. I was concerned for a minute.” I try to hit his shoulder but he’s faster grabbing my hand by the wrist and gives the flesh an attentive kiss the gesture is sweet and melts my heart.

”How are you feeling?” It’s cute how he seeks my reassurance. He lets me move away careful when pulling out so I can finally take the previous position lying down.

”Hm, sore but good. I just need .. some time. I don’t think I can stand up just yet.” I offer my honest reply burying my nose into the duvet that got tossed aside. He leaves the room making me confused but once he’s back with a towel in hand I pierce two and two together. It’s his towel. The thought is enough to make me blush furiously.

”Spread your legs for me.” I take the request as an order shyly spreading my legs so he can clean me up. ”There. All cleaned up.” The bed squeaks under the weight of his one knee pushing me further into the sheets. Yoongi bows down to kiss me his tongue teases my lips as we kiss asking for permission that I eagerly permit.

[jupitertherevolution]

its 230 but ive done tha writin check it out

“food as a love language”, johndave, 1k, slow burn but just barely the sparks

It’s 7pm on a Tuesday, and you and your boy are exhausted. Your boy being one Dave Strider, and you being one John Egbert. Though you’re not really thinking much about identity right now. In fact, the vague, nebulous concept of identity is the furthest thing from your mind right now. At the forefront of your mind right is a different vague, nebulous concept, one that has plagued humanity since the dawn of time: being fucking hungry.

Yes, you and Dave are incredibly hungry. It’s been a long day at work, you at the gas station and him at the Marshall’s, it’s storming like one sunuvabitch outside, and neither of you want to cook.

… But you will. Why? Because for one you’re the better cook out of you two, and you know that Dave wants you to cook even if he’s not saying it yet. The other reason is that if you don’t you’ll both just eat a few slices of cheese. And that’s not gonna cut it.

So while Dave sits his ass down on a barstool and leans on the counter, you consult the fridge. There’s not much in terms of raw ingredients.

“Man, we didn’t get to grab any groceries…” you complain aloud.

“We could reheat those wings?” Dave suggests from his slump on the counter. But you’re struck with an idea. You grab the wings, some shredded cheese, and a packet of tortillas. You snag some vegetable oil from the cabinet and set a frying pan onto the stove. You don’t turn on the burner just yet.

“Dude, what are you even cooking over there? The fridge is a barren-ass desert right now. A cold desert. A tundra. Gonna find a minecraft igloo with some jankass basement in there,” Dave says.

You smile as you start deboning the wings. You put the meat in a bowl and pop it in the microwave for 45 seconds. “I’m making leftovers quesadillas,” you tell him.

You turn on the burner and pour a little oil onto the pan. Just about the size of a quarter. You used to make these all the time when your dad couldn’t make it home by dinner time. You’ve got it down to a science. “They’re just quesadillas with whatever meat you have around the house.”

He snorts a bit at ‘meat you have around the house’. “Dude, you are a blessing,” he says.

You bat your hand as you swirl the oil around in the pan. “Nah, it’s easy. Besides, we gotta eat something, right?”

“No but like… you didn’t have to cook a wholeass meal.” The microwave beeps and you take the chicken out of the microwave. You lay a tortilla on the pan and it sizzles. “Cooking isn’t that hard, Dave. You just,” you start. You grab the cheese and sprinkle a generous amount. “…Add the cheese…” Next you lay a bit of chicken. “…and the chicken…” You grab a spatula and scoop under one side of the tortilla, folding it in half on itself. “…and then you just flatten it like this!”

He giggles. “Like my own personal cooking youtuber.”

“Oh, uh, whoops.” You say, a bit flushed.

“Nah, nah, it’s cool. I like it. It’s like I’m right there with you cooking, except not actually because that would be a disaster, I can’t cook for shit.”

You make a little pout as you flip the tortilla off of the pan and start making another one. “I’m sure you could cook fine if you learned to,” you say.

You can hear him smiling as he says, “Yeah but why would I need to? I’ve got you here as my personal chef!”

You laugh a bit at that. “Yeah, yeah. Anyways, can you grab some plates or some drinks? I’m almost done.”

“O-kay,” he says and makes the most demonic noise while stretching before sliding off of his seat and heading to the minifridge at the other side of the apartment. “You want a mountain dew or a pepsi?”

“Pepsi!” you answer and flip the second quesadilla off. One would think that’d be the end of it, but no! You always make two folded ones per person. Basic leftovers quesadillas rule. You put another tortilla on. “Man, I can’t believe you always buy pepsi… I want coke sometimes, man!” Dave gripes.

“Sorry Dave, but I just don’t like the hostile red. I need my soothing blues.” You’re on the verge of bursting into laughter just from saying it.

“What are you, a bull?” he says.

“Yes,” you say and hold a straight face for about a second before cracking up. It’s not that funny, but it’s become a running joke that you like pepsi better purely because of its ‘soothing blue packaging’.

You flip the third quesadilla off and get started on the last one. Tortilla, cheese, and chicken, in a nice rhythm. “Plates?” you say.

“Right, right,” Dave says and opens up the cabinet. “I’m still surprised you did all this. You didn’t have to.”

“Dave, I told you, it’s easy! Plus it tastes really good, and I didn’t really feel like eating shitty food tonight,” you say.

He sets the plates down on the counter across from you. “No but like dude, anything you cook is like, insanely good. I wake up every day and thank god I get to have a roomie who cooks like a goddamn michelin-approved restaurant chef.”

Your face warms a bit, but you flip the last quesadilla off and turn off the burner. “…Thanks Dave,” you finally manage to stammer out.

Finished with the cooking, you grab the pizza cutter and slice the quesadillas into quarters. You two grab your plates and drinks and sit next to each other. It’s as good as you thought it would be.

“Man, maybe you should teach me to cook. This is godly,” Dave says in between bites. “I’d be happy to teach you whenever you want, Dave,” you say.

The quesadillas are quickly demolished, and after putting the dishes in the dishwasher, you two are satisfied. “You down to just chill on the couch? Watch a movie?” he says.

You stand up and head to the living room corner. “Yeah, but I get to pick.” He complains as he gets up, “Nooo, you’re gonna pick something unironically shitty…”

“Hey, chef’s priveleges.”

[deathonyourtongue]

Sanguine Nocturnus | 2

Summary: Even after 2000 years, the world can still surprise you. Pairing: AU!Henry Cavill x OFC Word Count: 3K Warnings: It’s a vampire fic. Death. Blood. Gore. Sex. Horror. Not for the kiddies or the squeamish. I mean it. A/N : Couldn’t leave y’all hanging a week without meeting our main character, now could I?

It was rare that he woke to an empty bed. Rarer still that he woke feeling as though every cell in his body was vibrating. Checking the time on his phone, he sat upright and looked around, keen eyes searching the pitch-black room for any sign of his previous night’s companion. His two dobermans, Phobos and Deimos, marked the spot, the dogs framing the corpse of last night’s entertainment. She’d been a pretty thing, fresh into her 20’s, and still so naive that she’d hung on every word he’d whispered in her ear. 

At least she didn’t die a virgin.

Bending down, he picked her up easily, slinging her over one shoulder as he made his way to the cold room. Too restless to take care of her immediately, he slipped her into one of the five drawers built into the wall and locked the room behind him. By the time he made it back upstairs to shower and dress, her face was already a half-forgotten memory in his mind.

Deciding on an all-black ensemble with a ruby-toned, velvet brocade waistcoat, he showered, dressed and stepped onto the wet cobbles of Rome’s quiet streets, still feeling as though electricity was coursing through him. The moon hung over the Pantheon, looming and casting a reddish glow on all below it.

Feeling none of the restless energy dissipate despite the fresh air, he turned in the direction of the Vatican, needing to take the edge off.

He’d been a customer of the club for years; ever since it opened in fact. Over the thirty years Romulus had been serving the public, the staff had come and gone, but thankfully the owner had stayed the same. Nodding to the man as he came in, the owner automatically motioned for the bartender to set up his drink, knowing his most loyal patron only ever drank one thing; Sanguinem. A blend of wine and other, more secretive ingredients, it was the oldest drink the owner ever kept in stock. The owner had tried it once or twice, always wincing when the metallic taste hit his tongue, always confused by the popularity of the drink among many of his patrons. 

 He sighed as he took a seat at the bar, his blue eyes gazing up at the artwork that adorned the walls. Seldom seen when the club was in full swing, the paintings were recreations of those who had encountered a brutal end. Everyone from Marie Antoinette to Kurt Cobain lined the walls, their images altered to show them post-mortem. Sometimes gruesome and always detailed, each painting was a one-of-one, and if times ever got tough, an easy sell to a discerning collector. 

As the name suggested, Romulus’ atmosphere evoked the age and bloody history of the city it called home. Dim lights, chaise lounges, and arched stone ceilings all lent to the feeling like one were in the catacombs beneath the city. Most nights, the place was flooded with red neon, the gleam of the lights off the dance floor emanating to every other corner of the establishment.

For a Saturday night, the place was oddly vacant, until he remembered that tonight was All Souls’ Day and most of Italy was either in church or in their homes, celebrating the holiday. He had never had much respect for religion, especially Catholicism; as far back as he could remember, the church had been the instigator of more deaths than any other group in the world.

“They can all go fuck themselves,” the patron muttered under his breath before taking his first swig, the bartender giving him a look as though the drinker had just murdered his mother. The owner smiled, knowing the man was referring not to the employees of the club, but to the religious fanatics that kept most of the country in church on a night like this.

“Non è cattolico.” The owner told the bartender, explaining the man’s religious views to the slightly offended man, who nodded in understanding as he connected the cussing to the holiday.

“Non cattolico a tutto.” The patron agreed, his tone low and sharp, his accent different than that of his fellow countrymen.

“Thank you for the drink, old friend.” The man said as he took his final sip, standing to his full height before extending his hand to the owner who shook it happily, his smile filled with the usual wonder that came across his face whenever he observed his patron up close. Although years went by and the world changed, his loyal customer never seemed to age a day. 

No money was ever exchanged, the owner having long ago gifted his patron with a lifetime supply of Sanguinem in exchange for a certain…favor he’d needed done. 

Herminius Calvisius, Henry as he was known these days, had indeed done a few favours for a select few in Italy over the years. Personally, he adored when said favours had to do with the Vatican, for he loved the food there; if you could call it that. 

Food for Henry was not exactly appetizing fare for most others he resembled. Henry's idea of a meal usually consisted of a glass of Merlot followed by a pretty young thing looking for a good time around one of the dark alleys surrounding Vatican City at midnight. He never failed to get a laugh out of the shock that came from the Swiss Guard when they would find the woman the next morning, pale as St. Peter's Basilica, with the exception of two gentle circles in her throat.

 Yes, he was un vampiro, as they liked to call him; a vampire.

Tonight however, the meals would be scarce, and since he was quite selective of his dinner—despite favouring the occasional streetwalker—Henry found his feet guiding him towards one of the few places where blood was a commodity.

Located just outside the Porta Settimiana, the old villa was vast, and most found it disturbing, in a way they simply couldn’t define. It made the hairs on their arms stand, and quickened their step, but if one were to ask, not a single soul could say why they avoided the piece of history. 

To Henry, it was like gazing on the picture of heaven. 

It was the first place he had deemed worthy enough to call home after he became immortal, and it had yet to lose its value in his eyes. Prying open the gate, which badly needed oiling, Henry smiled as he saw Brutus stand from the front door to greet him.

“Hello, boy. It’s been ages, has it not?” He greeted as he pet the mastiff that eagerly sniffed him for bones.

“None today, boy, my apologies.” Henry’s lips turned downwards at the same time as the dog’s, both spending a few more silent moments together before the large black door of the Italianate house was opened.

Had a human have witnessed the action, their blood would have run cold, for like many of the other houses of the period, the front door of this one was unbelievably heavy, usually taking the strength of two men to open. The hand that gripped it however, was delicate, manicured and thin; precisely the hand belonging to the woman he had come to see.

“Lucrezia, my love, hello.” Truly, being in her presence over the years had provided Henry with a great many memories, and fond ones at that, something which was scant for one such as himself.

“Hello, my little hermit.” She smiled. Others in the Roman coven had always called her grin wicked, but to him, it was beautiful and warm; one of the few smiles that had ever pervaded his dreams, turning nightmares into impish fairy tales.

Lucrezia, as her name would suggest, was also Italian, and although younger than him, she had seen the days when Rome ruled the earth—or what was known of it at the time. She had seen several Caesars come and go, and had been just outside the senate when Julius himself had met his end at the tip of Brutus’ blade.

Her hematite locks descended past her shoulders in loose waves, only serving to accentuate impeccable bone structure, a creamy complexion, and burgundy lips she methodically painted every time she awoke. Henry could tell she was feeling dramatic today, as she was wearing an old Roman gown, given to her by a courtier during the reign of Octavian.

“What’s the occasion, Lucy?” Smiling at the intended reaction he got at the nickname, he did not hesitate to kiss her cheek in pardon.

“I do hate it when you call me that, Henry; Makes me sound like a child.”

Indeed to any onlooker, she might be confused for one, Lucrezia having been made an immortal at the tender age of twenty. He did not know her then, but news of her beauty spread quickly among the covens of the Empire, her likeness drawn on both papyrus and walls alike, so that any who felt the need could gaze upon her visage. Henry smiled, remembering how the portraits did her little justice when he finally gazed upon her in the flesh.

“If you must know however, I had company over just an hour ago, and there’s some very exciting news coming from the coven.”

“Will I have to be there?” Henry rolled his eyes, knowing that any news from the coven could only be one of two things; either there was to be a new celebration, or one of the elders had gone to ground and a new one had been chosen to take his place.

“Hush. I haven’t even told you the news yet. Marius was lovely enough to come and keep me company tonight on such a dreadful holiday, and since he had just been to the house, he was brimming with new gossip that I just had to hear. Apparently, Cassius has decided to sleep, and a new elder will be taking his place. According to Marius, this one is…different.”

“Different how?” Henry asked, his interest piqued despite his detestation for any and all gossip to come out of the coven he had so long ago abandoned in favour of a life less formal.

“Well, first off he’s apparently quite…awe striking, fear-inducing, etcetera. A real Roman sculpture is how Marius described him. And secondly, he’s of the…Greek persuasion, if you will.”

Her grin became even more deviant as the two headed inside towards the parlor, Lucrezia immediately pulling a decanter off a small flame and pouring two glasses of blood so good, the scent alone was enough to make Henry’s head spin.

“A boy lover?” He asked, looking curiously at his companion. It was not uncommon for those of his kind to frolic with their own sex, but among the elders and those next in line, it was a rarity, simply because it was a public imbalance among the sexes of the coven and their kind liked nothing more than to appear egalitarian.

“MAN lover, actually. If Marius was looking at the right man, then apparently our next elder has already found a companion in Fares.” Henry raised his eyebrows, indifferent to the news.

“Where do you find them?” He asked, tipping his glass in reference to the fine liquid he soon after began pouring down his throat.

“Oh, you know…The old money, the papacy, the brothels, the usual.” They shared a laugh, both knowing that no matter what a person’s station in life, their blood did little to hide their history.

“Well, my dear, for someone as young as you, you have fine taste.” And with that, he took a full drink, feeling his body reconstitute in seconds.

“Back to this fledgling, my love, and pay attention. The ceremony is taking place two nights from now, at the house, and yes, you must attend.”

Henry tried to hide his annoyance at the fact that despite severing ties to the house, he was still required to go to such frivolous functions, for the sake of tradition alone. For all he knew, the fledgling was already in power, probably getting the youngest members of the house to do his dirty work for him. 

Above all though, he felt bitter that despite his lack of connection, he had yet again been passed over as elder of the coven. It was not as if he were the youngest of vampires. Over 2,000 years old and plenty educated in the ways of the coven, Henry found it an insult to be passed over time after time; it was one of the many reasons he’d separated himself from their ancient ways. 

“How old is this boy lover and what’s his name?” Henry asked, feigning interest for Lucrezia’s sake, only mildly interested in knowing whether this new elder was an acquaintance or not.

“He is a 26, and his name is...Gab-No! Gregory, from what Marius could gather. Do you know him?”

“Is he Italian?” Henry asked, knowing that the chances of this man being familiar to him would increase tenfold if he was of Roman descent.

“When have you known the elders to ever pick a foreigner as the next in line? Of course he’s Italian.” Lucrezia laughed, thinking Henry foolish for even entertaining the notion.

“Well, there was the time when we put in a Frenchman, temporarily. That didn’t go over too well though.” He reminded her, every member of the coven all too eager to forget that one particular mistake in their history.

“And you said he was my 26? As in, older than me?”

“No. 26, as in he was born yesterday,” Lucrezia’s eyes went wide, her gaze speaking volumes to Henry as she took a sip from her chalice. He, like her, was scandalized that they’d pick someone so young to their ways to be the next leading elder.  

Licking his lips, he tried to remember all the faces he had come across in the last three decades, linking each to a name and finding that none of them matched the one he’d been given.

“Unless my memory deceives me, or he has changed his name, I do not know him.”

“Pity, for I was hoping you’d introduce me.” Lucrezia grinned, a single line of blood falling from the corner of her lips, making her indeed look like a celluloid vampire.

Finishing off her chalice, Lucrezia’s blue-green eyes turned to the night beyond her window, Henry smiling as he sensed where the night would go.

“Everyone’s tripping over themselves, naturally; either in love with his youth and beauty, or wanting to maim Cassius for choosing a fledgling who hasn’t even weaned yet, as far as Marius could tell.”

“It’s little wonder Cassius decreed you--” Lucrezia stopped short, her eyes traveling up and over the lip of her chalice, a devilish smirk exposing her fangs as she waited for Henry’s reaction.

“Decreed me to what, Lucy?” Henry asked with a warning tone, one eyebrow raising as he waited for her to spill the rest of the gossip she’d received second-hand.

“Decreed that you will be his tutor in all things...Vampiric.” Her delicate fingers slipped through the air, creating a ballet all their own and momentarily distracting Henry from his own ire.

“He has no power to do so! Lucrezia, tell me this is another one of your humorless jests!” He finally barked, teeth bared as he stood and began to pace around the room.

“I’m afraid not, my darling. If Marius was correct, the decree came with an ultimatum as well. Come to heel, or…” 

“That pompous bastard. He knows full well what he does. I knew it would be another century of trouble once he rose. Had to get one last kick to the teeth in. I swear, if this is still because I told him his mother was a beautiful as a donkey’s prick, I will have his head while he SLEEPS!”

“Easy, Centurion. It’s generally frowned upon to decapitate an elder nowadays. Come, let us slake your lust elsewhere. I ordered in.” Her smile turned even more secretive as she rang a bell next to the snifter, Lucrezia’s gentle hands pressing Henry towards the area of the parlor that she’d long ago turned into something more closely resembling an Andaruni. 

Slipping her hands into the collar of his jacket, Lucrezia helped Henry undress before allowing him to do the same to her, the sweet tone of her giggle as she spun out of her dress completely dissipating any of the lingering anger Henry felt. When they were both nude and relaxed among the many cushions that separated them from the floor, Lucrezia’s day man sent in a feast. 

“Twins! Lucy, you’ve outdone yourself.” Henry’s eyebrow raised for a very different reason as both he and Lucrezia opened their arms for the two young blondes who had been ushered in, bare, and more than a little tipsy if their footsteps were anything to go by. 

“What did you give them tonight?” Henry questioned with a chuckle, reaching up and catching one of the girls before she could crash headlong into the low table that held a variety of accoutrements for pre and post-dinner. Undeterred, the woman found her way easily into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck as she did a sloppy grind of her hips against his hardening shaft.

“Just the usual. Bit of Absinthe, touch of Laudanum for the nerves.”

“I owe you dinner.” Henry smiled as he sank into the girl in his arms, watching as she arched back instinctively against the exquisite pleasure he provided.

Moans filled the air before a deathly silence blanketed the villa, two more souls joining the countless others being prayed for on that sacred night.

[stinkrascal]

Hey jaiden! This might be a weird question, but I recently started living by myself, and one of my biggest struggles lately has been figuring out what to eat everyday, cause I have to find cheap and easy stuff since I’ve never been a really good cook lol. For some reason I thought you might know of some recipes that might work for me? You don’t have to answer this, but thank you so much if you do ❤️ hugs

i'm not a very good cook tbh, and my taste in food is especially bland, but i can share the few things i do know! i'll put it under the cut bc ik i'll ramble lol

i stock up on sandwich ingredients since it's cheap and easy to make and u can make a bunch of them!!! if u have money for a frying pan u can make sandwiches soooo good. i make a lot of grilled cheese in the frying pan!!! i just put 4 slices of turkey w a slice of american cheese in the middle and top it with white bread, then coat the pan in butter and fry the grilled cheese on either side for about 1-2 mins on low temp, until the bread turns golden brown, n that's it!!! u can add other stuff im just rlly bland w my food yk. i also make a lot of tuna fish sandwiches lol, i just mix tuna with mustard and mayonnaise (you can guess how much you need of either tbh) and put that between two pieces of toasted white bread, u can add seasonings to it but again im bland lol

SALAD STUFF is a huge one for me, i always try to have salad ingredients at the house bc its such a good snack!!!! the way i make salads is really easy, i get spinach and spring mix salad, cut up 2-3 strawberries depending on their size, then throw in blueberries, purple and/or green grapes, a can of mandarin oranges, and top it off with a FUCK TON of feta cheese, and that's it!!! u can top it off whatever dressings u like, idrk what dressings would go good w this so use your own discretion ig but yeah its super easy to make, this is one of my go-to meals!!!!

if you have a frying pan, tilapia is really easy to make and it's cheap too!!! you literally just brush the top of the tilapia with olive oil, season it with whatever seasonings you like (i usually only put a little salt, pepper, and a light dusting of tony's chachere's) then fry it on both sides and then you're done!!

i make a lottttttttttt of smoothies, which you do need a blender for, but if you do have one they're really filling for meals!! my favorites are strawberry banana and peanut butter banana smoothies. i just put a cup full of crushed ice, a single banana, 3-5 strawberries depending on their size, a tablespoon of sugar, guess the amount of milk needed, then blend that all together!!!!! the peanut butter banana recipe is the same, except instead of 3-5 strawberries i put in a tablespoon of peanut butter!! theyre both soooooo good and filling and easy to make, definitely would recommend!!

generally a lot of small grocery stores will have weekly sales papers at the front of their store that are free for customers to take, it's good to get in the habit of getting those papers and basing ur meal preps off that!!! some stores will have better deals than others for the same thing, the sales papers helps to keep track of it all :') maybe that's basic info to some of u but i literally didn't know this until i met my bf's mom and it has changed my life lol

otherwise most of the food i eat is canned/refrigerated meals or store bought pizza tbh it's embarrassing how little i know how to cook lmao, but there are tons of recipes on the internet! i find a lot of helpful tutorials on youtube, instagram, and tiktok!!

[dumpsterd1va]

people who have really bad sweet tooths will understand this hc: andrew likes (and is good at) baking

we all know andrew gets hit with c r a v i n g s

like yes ice cream is his go to but sometimes he wants a warm cookie with his ice cream at 2 AM

so his freezer is also stocked with cookie dough in a tub and he’ll scoop it out and bake one when he feels like it

or eat it out the tub half defrosted, don’t act like you haven’t

but at some point it’s not really exactly what he wants like now hes craving a brownie sundae but gas station brownies don’t cut it he wants gooey chocolate

so mug cakes become his friend its like midnight and andrew is scooping cocoa powder, sugar, flour, vegetable oil, and way too many chocolate chips into a mug and tossing it in the microwave

then neil gets tired of them running out of mugs because andrew keeps making lava cakes at ass o clock in the morning

he goes out and buys pans, cooling racks, measuring cups, mixing bowls, whisks, and even a stupid pair of orange oven mitts and dumps them all on andrew who’s lounging on the couch

“mugs are for coffee and tea asshole”

he starts off with box mix but that shit gets expensive and recipes online are easy enough to follow

he makes pound cake and its not bad?

he eats the whole thing in one sitting and neil almost throws him out

“you allowed this to happen”

“shut up. go to the gym and eat a vegetable”

but it only gets worse from there

one day neil gets back and the apartment smells like a bakery cause andrews gone through two boxes of butter and a whole bag of sugar and flour each and made 6 different batches of chocolate chip cookies cause he’s experimenting with combinations of ingredients

“there’s less brown sugar in that one so it spreads more in the oven”

“who are you”

honestly andrew finds baking therapeutic. when he has a bad day he has a task he can focus on and he can forget about everything else (the man can whisk for hours he makes a dope meringue without an electric mixer and doesn’t even break a sweat)

but now their place has way too many baked goods and not enough mouths (neil forbids andrew from eating everything he’s made) so he has to get rid of them any way he can

neil dropping off a whole blueberry pie at matt and dan’s place: “i’ve created a monster”

“oh so now that he hobby bakes hes a monster but not when he threatened to stab me”

“you deserved that now take the pie its the 3rd one he’s made this week”

but when neil comes home to andrew’s hair smelling like vanilla and his cheeks streaked with flour, he can’t be even a little mad

there’s a yes or no followed by a tangled embrace on the couch and neil drowns in the heat radiating off andrew from being near the oven all evening, the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg in the crook of his neck, and kisses that taste more like caramel than cigarettes

when the oven timer goes off andrew busies himself in the kitchen before coming back with a few slices of something

“pumpkin bread?”

“its a vegetable”

“oh fuck you”