#its made us understanding of each other
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Rant below
I'm sorry the fuck did WE do???
Like I think this whole thing started mainly with crows being mad ab the fucking eyeball lore rp, and some of them literally overstepping tubbos boundaries, being borderline ableist, and then accusing him of spreading homophobic rhetoric (and I'm not just referring to that ONE person, that post had like 15 reblogs with people agreeing with them and a lot more likes)
And when we rightfully called them out, they all doubled down until their OWN streamer called them out (bc tubbo addressing it did nothing)
And then sunny happened. Sunny had been expecting good things from phil and tallulah and chayanne bc tubbo spoke very highly of them. And even if it wasn't for tallulah s distrust, which I can write a thesis about tbh(since I think it's unfair to expect sunny to be ok with people disliking her for where she was from) Phil's language was insensitive towards a very traumatized kid that he had not build a stable relationship with. That's a fact. He didn't talk to empanada like that, so why did he towards sunny?
Yes, he did not mean to do that. But the Tubblings used it as an opportunity to have an angst moment. And crows fucking LOST IT. Like no we do not hate Phil guys.We love that old man. We can still make angsty theories with his interactions with sunny.
ALSO, when it was PHILS turn to take lore srsl, he acted the same way he did always due to not realising the gravity of tubbos' death. And that is not a bad thing. But when the Tubblings, instead of getting upset ab him not participating seriously in the lore,we chose to add it into the story, crows were all over it with meta reasons for why we shouldn't do that.
Like do you want serious lore or not? Pick one
I'm not here to pick a fight. Many tubblings have also gone to crows blogs and have sent hate and death threats which are NOT acceptable no matter what.
I'm just trying to point out that the pure hypocrisy that some crows have shown has made tubblings be fed up with this bs. Cause we expect the hate now.
Again we love phil. I was a crow first and i know thats the same for many of us.
However, EVERY time that he interacts with tubbo or when bolas are mentioned, I just feel the exhaustion of preparing for the disaster that my feed will be, due to like 3 crows starting shit, and then tubblings defending themselves.
I'm not kidding. Every tubbling was ready for war on twt when they did the prank, and we were relieved that at least we had the doozers with, so we wouldn't face this shit again on our own.
I am tired of this shit. I love hanging around in Phil's chat when he's playing qsmp. But when I read chat messages like these, I'm just angry? Disappointed that this is still happening? Like you can claim that we are toxic all you want, but so far, every time our communities have been at each others throats its been the crows picking the fights(and no making angsty hc ab the possible perception of a characters behavior does not count, it's normal fandom behavior)
Even while writing this, I had to check my language like 10 times to make sure I didn't piss people off for no reason.
Whether you like it or not, the toxicity didn't start with us
#qsmp discourse#tubblings#crows#qsmp fandom neg#crows neg#i guess?#its more of a criticism#yknow considering im a crow as well#although i am considering ditching this sh and going to the ghosties#it prob gonna be better over there#its the soulfire trauma ig#its made us understanding of each other
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listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.
yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?
maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".
get a better joke
#toy txt post#god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones#let it flop..........pls#internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop#i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having#1 million bajillion disclaimers#virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word#disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word#grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used#to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023#and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like#im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild#i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you#but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay#god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil#but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful#and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like#hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine#and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr#and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like#and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay#its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat#? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty?#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right#stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny#whatever#if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll#i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.
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im just saying that some of the people on this godforsaken webbed site would probably not survive watching siblings/young children interact irl
#do yall realize how little boundaries a five year old has bro#especially since they literally do not even understand the conCEPt of romance or sexuality????#fun fact me and my actual real life twin brother used to kiss each other on the mouth in preschool#coz it made all the other kids laugh and they'd dare us#and omg guess what? that was... wait for it... fuCKING NORMAL AND NOT AN ISSUE#yes i am rolling my eyes at the stupid bettertwin thing lmao#i hate the extent to which internet culture tries to make everything sanitized and adhere to RULES#that... dont even apply or make sense in the real world#“their tongues touched its TCEST--”#lmao they literally burst into tears five seconds later first of all#so if it is tcest then damn theyve got some relationship issues to work out i fucking guess#and also more importantly#holy shit touch grass#vent
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And You and I
#inspired by Yes's “And You and I” of course!#this is not necessarily ship art but it can and should be interpreted as affection of any form as long as its intense#what if we were both espers and had a fundamental trait that made both of us lonely and insecure#because we were afraid that without our powers we weren't worth much and nobody would care about us#but we had very different experiences and traumas that shaped us into opposites and made us hurt each other#which shatters one of us's worldview and makes them obsessed over the other in a unhealthy way in order to cope#but then they have to leave this behind too and start to see the other as an equal and a flawed human being#and we have to start this relationship all over again and learn about ourselves and each other in a positive more vulnerable way#promising to not do harm again like we did on the past while developing a real and more sincere bond#for the reason we are the ones who truly understands the other the most?#its not enough for me for them to like each other it needs to be insane and have a weirdly complicated transition between stages#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 fanart#teruki hanazawa#shigeo kageyama#terumob#lalarts
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the internet has made some of you approach every human interaction like it's pvp and you're so not fun to talk to because of it
#/nobody here#oh my god they used their instead of there its the fucking end of the world. we should make them feel really bad about themselves#oh my god shut up i miss when people could just make up whatever spellings they want#imo if people can understand the point youre getting across youre doing it right and thats all that matters#'but the rules' the rules are made UPPPPPPP#how about we treat people nicely and not every conversation is a pissing contest. how about that#whyyyyy do we put each other under microscopes like this. chill the fuck out
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THE ORDER OF PALMS An order of holy folk that serve The Helm, working to create powerful Aasimar Paladins for the purpose of protecting any who hire their help. [BACKSTORY UNDER CUT]
One day, Gjör and her peers were lead by their mentor Opheria, to a mission far from their home. On the peak of that mountain village, they saw upon the horizon, the castle of their home go up in flames. Horrified and scared, the apprentices sought to follow their mentors guidance, and followed her lead into a small barn. It was there, that Opheria proceeded to slaughter each and everyone of the apprentices. It seemed she somehow had a hand in this sudden attack on the Order of Palms. Gjör D'annevual survived a sword through the 'heart', on account of a rare condition, that places her heart on the other side of her chest. When she finally managed to bring herself back home, the Order was insulted by her survival. She had so many better peers, why couldn't any of them have survived? This runt was seriously the only thing that survived Opherias wrath? It was better to just wash their hands clean of this. Thus the Order decided to banish Gjör from their ranks. She now travels the land in search of a purpose.
#luckys original content#dungeons and dragons#MY OCSSSS MY WONDERFUL OCSSS ITS BEEN SO LONGGGG!!this is a fairly old character that i made foreeeever ago#i was trying to go full on into DND LORE ONLY instead of makin up my own stuff. so when i was lookin around i learned abt THE HELM#the god of protection or watever it was. i also like playing paladin bc i love to hit things w my sword. i also like aasimars bc theyrprett#im sure i ahd other Min Maxy reasons for her but i dont have her sheet n ive forgotten everything. never got a chance to play her but yknow#maybe someday. I LIKE HER ALOT TOO. big and strong and well meaning but a lil dumb. justa lil dense n stupid. but she tries!!#I LIKE CHARACTERS THAT HAVE JUST SMALL THINGS DIFERENT ABT THEM. i knew some1 who had that condition. where everythings just flipped#aint that fucked up? that ur organs can just be flipped? and inever see it in fiction. its so neat. imagine finding out like THIS too#she had blacked out from the sword through the heart. the last thing she heard from her mentor was;#'you were a great student. that is why you above all else must die. i hope you understand' spoken through a gentle voice and a gentle smile#the very same that had guided Gjör so far through her journey.A BETRAYAL LIKE NO OTHER! she awoke utop a pile of comrades#each bloodied and dead and cold. she used her own magic to heal herself. to catch herself from the precipice of bleeding out#when she stepped out of the barn she had found that the village was burned to the ground#she was shellshocked!! it took her weeks to limp all the way back down that mountain. all the way back to the place she called home#only to be spit on and kicked back out. being a Paladin of the Palms was her entire life. what was she to do now?#OH SO THE ART. I RLY LIKE HER DESIGN.heavily based off of THE BABY SITTER from HALO LEGENDS. i fuckin love halo so much guys.....#i just love that trope of Big Strong Person in Armor that we all thought wasa fullgrown MAN takes off the helmet to revel shesa PRETTY GIRL#my favorite in the WORLD!! i also like the silly frilly pretty dress sorta motif in gjors armor. it hides all the stuff i dont wanna draw#thats all the ramble i got in me for now. PLEASE ENJOY. and ask me abt my ocs
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Well written characters have a core conflict that consists of a goal that the character wants/needs to achieve, and an obstacle that gets in the way of that goal. For Damon, that core conflict is Love vs. Fear. His goal is love - to be loved, to have love. The obstacle that gets in the way of that goal is his own fear - fear of being abandoned/betrayed/rejected, fear of not being enough, fear of letting people down, fear of losing his loved ones... in short, fear of losing love. Every majorly bad decision that Damon makes, he makes either in reaction to or in anticipation of that fear being realized. When he kills Jeremy in S2, and Aaron in S5? He does it because he’s just been abandoned and rejected by Elena/Katherine. When he hides the cure from Elena in S6? He does it because he’s afraid that if she becomes human he’ll lose her. When he feeds Elena his blood in S2? He does it because he’s afraid he’ll lose her in the sacrifice. These seeds are planted throughout the entire show. In 4x15 when Damon sires Elena to turn off her humanity (another thing he does out of fear), Stefan tells him that it was a mistake because despite Elena losing her brother, she still has Damon. Damon’s reply? “I’m not enough.”
There's a conversation that Stefan and Damon have in 7x22 that lays it all out neatly:
Stefan: You really think I did the right thing by taking Caroline against her will?
Damon: One hundred percent.
Stefan: You said that's how you know you love someone. And for a second there, I actually believed you. I thought that my love for Caroline was so strong that I would do anything to protect it. But then I realized, that's not love, Damon. That's fear. That night that you put yourself down, it wasn't because you love Elena. It was because you were afraid if you didn't, you would do something terrible, and you would lose her forever. And that fear was so powerful that it overrode any love that you felt for me, or Bonnie, or anybody else. I refuse to be ruled by fear. I refuse to be you.
In 7x10 when Damon is forced to face the truth while in the Phoenix Stone, he tells his mother, “Give me a chance to let you love me.” This is representative of Damon’s entire journey throughout the show. Damon doesn’t let people love him because he’s scared that they won’t. That’s why he tells Elena in 3x19 that he doesn’t want to have to live up to anyone’s expectations, and he tells Bonnie the same thing in 8x10 when he reads her his letter. Damon’s self sabotage and his insistence on pushing everyone away is a product of the fear of what will happen if he lets people love him - but by giving into that fear, he ensures that he’ll never get what he wants most.
In order for Damon to have a successful, satisfying ending, he has to 1) overcome his fears. He does this in 8x16 when he attempts to self-sacrifice for the right reasons, in direct contrast to his self sacrifice in 7x22 for the wrong reasons - a sacrifice he makes out of fear:
“There is a girl waiting outside for you, and if you go in there with me and get all screwed up, you're gonna have problems with her, and you're gonna blame me.” - Damon to Stefan, 7x22 (S7 is written to be a tragedy but that’s another post)
And 2) he gets the chance to let himself be loved. That’s why Delena has to be endgame. Damon finally getting a chance to let himself be loved is central to his character in a way that makes any other ending a tragedy for him.
So what about Stefan? Stefan’s goal is Choice. The same way that Damon has lost in love, Stefan has repeatedly had his choices taken from him. Katherine takes Stefan’s choice away when she compels him, bloodlust takes Stefan’s choice away when he becomes a ripper, Klaus takes Stefan’s choice away when he enslaves him. This is why Stefan is so protective of Elena’s ability to choose, and it’s also why narratively, Stefan’s worst crime is taking Damon’s choice away when he forced him to become a vampire. Morally, it’s far from the worst thing Stefan has done, but thematically it’s the misdeed that matters the most. That’s why it’s brought up again and again.
The obstacle that’s getting in the way of Stefan’s Choice is Vampirism. Whether it’s his own or someone else’s, Stefan can’t choose the life he wants to have or the person he wants to be without vampirism getting in the way. For Stefan to have a successful, satisfying ending, he has to 1) reconcile his relationship with vampirism. He does this by escaping his vampirism when he’s cured. And 2) he has to have the opportunity to choose. That’s why human Stefan is immediately on vervain, and that’s why he maintains the ability to choose to sacrifice himself even after Damon attempts to compel him in 8x16. Is it the best way to have Stefan accomplish his goal? Personally, I don’t think so. I would’ve preferred to see him accept his vampirism rather than escape it, and I would’ve preferred for him not to die. But in a finale where one brother makes a choice to sacrifice himself and the other brother gets the girl, it’s clear which has to be which for their arcs to resolve in a thematically satisfying way.
#delena#damon salvatore#stefan salvatore#meta#text#lala talks#apparently kevin williamson swapped the deaths at the last minute? and ppl said it's because he's petty#it's not because he's petty it's because he understands thematic storytelling better than anyone else on that team#anyway speaking of#S7#the way that damon manipulates stefan into letting him go in the finale by using his own rhetoric against him#because he's STILL so damn scared#after stefan spent the entire season fighting against the stone that was trying to get him to do that very thing??#chills#remember liberation by phoenix stone is not a good thing lol#it liberated damon and he wanted to die#the entire point of S7 is that stefan and damon need each other!!!#stefan even says it before damon convinces him to let go#also lol at caroline saying damon finally made the selfless choice#she didn't hear his reasons “you're gonna blame me” nope its still very much about him and his fear don't get it twisted#damon was NOT supposed to go in there by himself#but he did... and look what happened#honestly brilliant writing i didn't want to like it but there it is
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SCIENCE HOMEWORK I HATE YOU WHY😭😭💔💔💔
#im doing everything BUT NOT MY FUCKING SCIENCE HOMEWORK#i hate my science teacher#she said shed be moving some people next lesson WHILE LOOKING AT ME AND MY FRIENDS DEAD IN THE EYES#AND GUESS WHAT???#WE WERE MOVED TO THE 4 CORNERS OF THE CLASSROOM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK#i predicted that btw i believe i am genius#me and my friend are now doing made up sign language to communicate from across the classroom#what our teacher didnt account for was that me and my friend can see each other PERFECTLY and no one is in the way so slay#ALSO SHE GAVE US SO MUCH HW#ITS DUE TMR BUT HONESTLY ILL TAKE THE DETENTION MY GOD I HATE THIS#i understand like HALF of the things on this fucking booklet😭😭#im too lazy to actually write the shit i know though💔💔#sighhhh#jorge rivera herrans save me💔💔#epic is my newest hyperfixation btw :3#ANYWAYS!#i have science EVERY FUCKING DAY I HATE IT SO MUCH💔💔#my teacher is out for MY BLOOD#but i fear i cooked last lesson so who cares anymore (i don't remember shit anymore) (bad memory)#this is just pure yap st this point#im stalling chat💔💔#OKAY ILL GO DO MY SCIENCE HW (i wont🫶)#kadens yap session
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Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )
#And Kouyou!!!!#Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀#King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen”#I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years–#but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like#“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the–#protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb#But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you.#Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime.#I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?”#I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green.#Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to–#engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color–#that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white.#What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws–#because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil”#Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before–#and will probably keep happening?#I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk.#This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about–#how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive–#their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment#I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes–#that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize.#Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol#random rambles#This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late
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Oh god.
This summer you sent our mutual friend a package, to get to me. An heirloom, a bit of camp history. Passed down to me.
And on that package, your phone number and address. Your phone number, that I had long deleted from my phone because the urge to call you was always too strong.
When I last saw you in person, you said that when you finally moved to the city it would be with your girlfriend. You would move in together. And surely, she would become your fiancee and then your wife.
There it is. On the package. Your new address, in the city.
I have to keep myself from calling you right now. You probably have my number blocked, and I truly don't know what I'd do if you answered. But I would give anything to hear your voice again.
Even if it's just you saying, "Hello? Who is this?" While her voice is in the background, asking you what you want for dinner.
At this point, I don't even need to be the voice in the background asking what you want for dinner.
I just wish I could be the voice on the other end of your phone call.
#idk if this made sense. its 4am#but storytime i guess#years ago. like four now. i had a best friend#i loved her so much. truly i was in love with her. which was the problem#she had a girlfriend. im sure you can guess where this is going#she cheated on her gf with me. i felt guilty and made her tell her gf. months later but better late than never i guess#her gf made her choose between us. understandable. she chose her gf. understandable#so i got a call one night from her. where she said we could never speak again. we couldnt be in each others lives. and i deserved that#it still killed me though. it still kills me. i havent recovered#but this past summer she sent a package to our mutual friend. for me#just something from the camp we both work at. and there on the package was her phone number and address#two years after she left me she volunteered at the camp i worked at and she used to woek at#we ended up talking. and being friends for that one last week. and she mentioned that she wanted to marry her gf#and move in with her. in the city. so when i saw her city address... yeah#i took a picture of her number and address before throwing away the package. something i remembered tonight#its just sitting in my camera roll. her number and address#and i could never call her. never send her a letter#idk what the point of this storytime was#but this is some half decent writing for 4am#i hope you enjoyed
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i absolutely cannot let myself get started on another fic until im at least onto chapter 5 of caecilian but the temptation to write something of aaravi taking miranda monster hunting and describing the entire EVERYTHING there is real
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#mostly in the duality that is#what aaravi actually does as a monster slayer and the context that it exists within both in her own life and within the world#and with the fact that miranda doesnt actually sincerely identify as a monster nor care about that divide#to her this is landfolk on landfolk problems that merfolk have absolutely no involvement in#she only gets labelled a monster by landfolk who care about this and using criteria that wasnt made with merfolk in mind#and goes with it because really shes trying to do her job and serve an ambassador role and Whatever#its the same as her picking a gender basically at random. there wasnt a none of the above option that was offered nor applied#to her aaravi is basically a mercenary and thus her feelings are the same as a mercenary#shes not meaningfully different than anyone miranda already knows through bellanda#and aaravi has. complicated feelings about it.#aaravi has complicated feelings about all of this#miranda occupies a role like aaravi herself where she fails to fit into either side of a duality#but aaravi also has a rising guilt about her involvement that she has to explain to miranda in the first place#and all of this parallels miranda's role as princess too#about how little aaravi knows about her atrocities and what shes done and what it MEANS for her to be what she is#as someone who was never subjected to it and has no context for how bad it really is#theyre very much two sides of the same coin tbh#very alike each other but in opposite contexts#which tbh is part of why they work so well#its the combination of understanding and support and yet just enough challenge to stop them from buckling down harder#theyre able to call each other out because they know personally exactly whats happening in the others mind#which is also why i dont like ships that just wholeheartedly encourage aaravis whole everything without understanding whats going on#the same as why i hate ships and endings that have the other person just joining miranda as royalty#like. no. no these are not neutral endings here. you do not get to absolve anyones involvement here.
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Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
#diary#god I could rant about about this forever#tw mentions of assault in the tags dont read if that makes u uncomfortable#im kinda getting tired of people asking why i dont date 🤩 it sends me into a mental spiral hahahaaaaa#i just tell people im not looking for anything serious rn but its a big fat fucking lie because i DO want to date#but i think my nervous system is so shot from living with my dad still and he can be so emotionally abusive it's insane#it makes me not trust my judgement because shitty behavior is so normalized and i KNOW whats Right and Wrong but im so used to keeping the–#–peace because its a survival tactic for me and always has been#like when people like me i think one of two things usually:#1) they're genuinely interested in me and i hate myself so much i cant understand why anyone would like me#or 2) theyre interested in me for my body which is both easier to understand and terrifying because people in the past have hurt me because–#–they wanted to be with me. read between the lines for that one#because of how i grew up and what I've experienced i genuinely do not trust people. i trust no one fully and it kills me#i feel so fucking guilty all the time bc most people arent out to get you but that wasn't the case for me#i feel like i cant grow as a person because im stuck in a survival mindset. i KNOW why I people please and i hate it#i genuinely do love people and i want the best for them but its also ingrained into my head that if something is wrong it's My Fault#and there will be Consequences#back to dating though#there are so many reasons I do and dont want to date#i call myself a Helpless Romantic because there's no way I'll be dating in the near future. i cant just go on dates I have to know you for–#–a while and build trust. but what if it ends badly and im the idiot who cant take a goddamn hint and realise love isnt meant for someone–#–like me?#i grew up knowing my parents hated each other and “stayed together for the kids” whatever thet means. like that fucks with your mind#seeing my mom being mistreated by my dad made me snap out of the disney movie princess x prince charming daze everyone else was in as a kid#i realised very early on that relationships won't save you and can actually be the worst thing to ever happen to someone#theres more to this but ive already said enough lol. anyway
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Controversial opinion (maybe?) but if your article/video/wtvr about a positive vision of the future where humanity lives in harmony wih nature uses AI art to visualise said future I automatically loose all respect for you
#doing research about solarpunk rn and its so baaad#'I imagine the utopian future were humans stop exploiting each other and nature to look something like this':#*non-sensical image made from stolen art that drained an entire lake*#I understand that not everybody can afford commissioned art or a graphic designer on staff#but then use stock footage? use existing art and credit the artist?#Like we did before????
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hey guys my FW conservation teacher is saying the bison cullings from the 1800 by colonizers was for fucking commercial profit with no word about colonizing and killing tribes that depended on them and also says "Indigenous perspectives and traditions are acknowledged in this course but the majority of the work presented here is Western science seen through a Western European lens. This is the structural bias of natural resource management in the US and that recognition should be front and center in your mind as we proceed through this material." am I fucking crazy for thinking it might be a tad bit fucked up to be like yeah we know we're biased against indigenous knowledge on all levels so we're gonna just continue looking at biased science because thats the only important thing in the US. what
#self#like this feels very 'thanksgiving was the europeans and indians made friends with each other and split the US fairly and peacefully ❤️'#I understand looking at biased sources to show the bias and critically looking at it to see where the bias comes from and how it affects us#but this is like yeah its biased but so is the US soooo we cant do anything else:(((
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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the person behind me is having a whispered conversation with someone and their desk and my brain keeps trying to go down the path “oh no it’s because they’re talking about how much they hate me!” and i keep having to drag it back to the extremely obvious and fully rational “oh they’re trying not to disrupt anyone’s work, super appreciate them for that”.
like human brains are for real the dumbest, most terrified little animals in existence. calm the fuck down my dude our colleagues aren’t going to kick us out of the cave to fend for ourselves against the cold and sabre-tooth tigers.
#i don’t usually have that brand of anxiety anymore#and i’m not even feeling anxious now#it’s just my brain’s instinctive reaction#and i’m stopping it in its tracks going ‘girl…….’#that being said i’ve never understood people’s brains concluding that people speaking in a foreign language = they’re talking about you#maybe it’s because i spent most of my childhood as an immigrant speaking a foreign language#albeit one that is well understood by much of the local population#or maybe it’s because i’ve spent many many hours in the company of family members speaking languages i don’t understand#and attending 3 hour church services held in languages i don’t understand#but yeah#i always find it more comforting than anything#comforting in the way i find hearing children playing comforting#anyway the only time i’ve actually heard people talking about me in another language#is when local dutch kids would be talking shit about me and my friends speaking english together#we were all of us bilingual so we understood them of course#and always made sure to throw something out in dutch to each other as we left#so that the shit talkers knew that we had understood them#and knew just how dumb they sounded for it#(obvsly people could have in fact been talking about me in a foreign language at other times#and not understanding that language i wouldn’t have known about it#but i know from experience of having been the foreign language speaker that the odds are simply much higher#that people are in fact talking about chores or shopping lists or cousin x’s second child’s graduation or whatever)
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