#its literally fine ill still pass if i get every singe thing wrong.

[autism-corner]

cause baby... youve got teeth down there!!

[sanstropfremir]

it’s the episode 8 review!!! how many episodes is this show supposed to even be?

the stages from the episode feel like such a grab bag.... i still don’t understand why they didn’t put all the skill stages together, and then did the normal two episodes of the third round. i guess it makes sense that they didn’t want to have six stages in one episode and then three in the other two, but eh. 

feeling kinda average on these as a whole, there’s a lot of good elements going on here but probably because of my own preferences (i don’t listen to ballads or blackpink) none of them really hit all the buttons. hopefully this will be a shorter review because i'm only going to do a quick rundown of the vocal stages; i dont really have that much to say about them because they are (intentionally) not very stage picture focused. i'll do the normal stage breakdowns for the other two though, even though i won’t rank them because we still need to see the other four!

vocal stages

sf9 + tbz + ikon

not much to say here other than wow, that’s RED. glad to see some more specific use of spotlighting and i always love when they light things on fire. i do wish they had fill lit with a brighter amber so we could actually get a bit more detail on their faces, especially because there’s six of them. i appreciated the simple blocking and only using one of the ‘stages,’ this stage didn’t need to be anything complicated and it wasn’t. i don’t love spinning camera shots because they make me a bit ill, and i'll forgive the constant cutting because it's a vocal stage and there isn’t any other real movement that we should be paying attention to. not my favourite of the two, i found it visually a bit too repetitive and complex at the same time. always love a crushed velvet suit though, so bonus points for that.

atz + skz + btob

i was braced for the worst and i dont know what kind of miracle happened but it was listenable! like i said, not a ballad fan but i could listen to eunkwang all day. i love a good plinth for a ballad stage, they’re one of my favourite devices in kpop design and i especially love it with a good groundlevel fog. glad they kept it black and white for the first half of the stage, it was in line with the blooming flower projections, and it made a very clear colour arc. they kept the visuals clean and simple with very little blocking at all, a very smart choice for this stage. not sure why they decided it would be the chanel time stage, which i disapprove of because i don’t like chanel, but i do love eunkwang’s shirt with the cameo buttons and the massive turnback cuffs, very 17th and also 19th century. i know they never do it because they dont read on stage normally but yes absolutely more thin chain pendant chokers on men, thank you! i also liked that there was emphasis on a more traditional lighting scheme, there weren't any crazy concert effects, just some good directional beam spotlights and the rear stacks in the climax. 

third round stages

ikon

costume

the first look for them is definitely my fabourite of theirs so far. there’s enough variation in the jackets that the base layer of tshirt and jeans don’t look too repetitive. and i do love a good statement jacket. my favourite is probably donghyuk’s because i'm a sucker for fringe always.

i don’t like the backup dancers costumes, but given the way i’ve reacted to every other all black outfit for this entire show i don’t think anyone was surprised about that. these ones particularly irk me because they’re very matte; there's pretty much no texture or pattern differentials to define the shape of the limb, which makes them disappear when theyre all grouped together (mostly on the women). i think they probably were intending to make a statement/emphasis on the hands because of the sleeve cutoff point, but there were so many arm movements that were just totally missed because the costumes were just black voids. most egregious parts are here, with the female dancers up center. i can barely tell what the movements are unless i’m paying specific attention to them because there's so many black shapes. maybe it was the point for it to be an indiscernable writhing mass, but it wasn’t my vibe.

don’t love this styling on lisa. i hate peeptoe shoes in general but peeptoe boots are the worst offenders. they make you look like you have duck feet, no matter who you are. especially with a flat cutout like that. a universally unflattering shoe, and i would know, i worked in a shoe store for two years. this whole look is just pg-13 rihanna cfda awards 2014 and really nobody should try to run up against rihanna.

also i have to mention this because it’s actually really bothering me, but lisa’s backup dancers are serving very allgemeine ss looks and i do not like it. generally when we see ‘military’ uniforms in kpop theyre usually modelled off older styles (pre wwii) of western uniforms that usually aren’t in circulation, and they’re usually non-matching and embellished in ways that are deliberately not military. i know logically that it's a budget constraint+they’re backup dancers+current trend thing but the clean lines with only button detailing and the all black and that specific harness shape? it hit my brain the wrong way. i mean, technically those uniforms are designer because hugo boss did them, but the uh..... girlboss move didn’t land for me.

this is my PERSONAL OPINION please for the love of all that is holy do not come yelling at me about this. it’s all under a cut, you chose to read the post.

set

very glad to see some busy kitschy sets! this is a massive build, since there’s essentially three full sets here: the temple, the jungle, and the first tiny room. and all of them are very heavily decorated. 

the starting room is just five walls on casters (wheels), that have been set into place with the cameraman and ikon inside at the start, and then once they exit the walls can be easily struck and rolled off set. simple, smart, and convenient!

i missed it the first couple times around but glitching out the projections in the temple for a split second was a neat little trick.

the silver and polygonal nature of the tiger/panther/cat(?) head is a bit disconnected from the gold and the aesthetic of the rest of the stage for me. the difference between the original room set and the jungle tracks, but the cat head isnt able to make the same leap for me. i'm also not a fan of mixing metals so maybe that’s why.

the tiger/panther/cat(?) head is a fun physical transitional device; i'm a big fan of tunnels and small transitory spaces like that and if they’re well dressed like this one they do so much for establishing place and mood.

i'm very sure i’ve seen this style of polygonal animal head with laser eyes before....i cannot for the life of me remember where or for what. i know wang yibo did a panther stage for sdc3 that had a human formation panther with green laser eyes, i wonder if i'm just crossing wires.

OH nevermind it’s because it looks like the witcher medallion. wires were definitely crossed.

lighting

using purple/teal lighting for the jungle was a smart choice because purple is the direct compliment to the gold and also is much more flattering on humans than green. green is one of the colours that humans can see the most variations in, so when something is green when it's not supposed to be (like human skin), we register that very quickly and associate it with unease and sickness. you know how old fluorescent lights have that greenish tinge that kinda makes you feel ill? it's your cone cells and your brain recognizing that you’re looking at things that are not supposed to be green.

very clean colour arc, i love to see it.

sound

it’s.....fine? i don’t listen to blackpink and have no opinions on their music other than it's not my type. i dont really know what the thematic connection to the visuals is, which is not strictly necessary in a lot of cases, but i don’t particularly care for the conflation of ‘savage’ and a (presumably) precolonial religion that’s assembled from stereotypes of real colonized cultures. you can come at me about how ‘it's not that deep’ all you want but i am here specifically doing an in depth analysis, and i gotta point it out. i'm not here to pass judgement on you if you didn’t realize or don’t care or whatever, i'm just saying that it's important to consume content with a critical eye. what you do with that information is your own personal choice, but you should be aware of it at least. 

staging

they took a big risk eating popcorn right before singing, and we definitely got some residual mouth noises of them trying to clean out their teeth. eating on stage is difficult in general because you have to make sure it's not going to dry out the performers mouths, because they dont have access to water and it takes WAY longer to chew and swallow something than you would expect. there’s a LOT of testing that goes into making stage food and guaranteed it’s not made out of what it looks like or what its supposed to be; i worked on a production of amadeus were we did literal weeks of testing amalgams of different desserts to make sure that salieri could actually eat the ones onstage without totally drying him out, because fun fact about that show, salieri doesnt leave stage like, at all, so there was no way to get him water. poor bloke.

i thought the blocking of this was really smart. the long take from the ‘normal’ room and transition into the jungle was super slick, even if that weird circle the camera did while pointed up at the ceiling was unnecessary and pointless.

bobby’s ‘acting’ was extremely funny and that’s the only way people are allowed to act surprised now. edvard munsch scream style only.

the pacing is a bit off and this time it wasn’t mnet’s editing that fucked it up. as fun as it is to have a feature, clearly she wasn’t allowed within proximity of the rest of them for covid or other yg related reasons, but it made for some extremely long transitions, especially the one out of her verse. it kills the momentum of the stage in that beat, even though they manage to pick it up after.

this is a very simple little narrative arc that’s easy to follow and doesn’t require any extra explaining. which is exactly the kind of arc that groups should be doing at this stage in the game. this is a good formic step up for ikon!

i thought the turning off of the monitor at the end was fun and a good callback to them watching the videos at the beginning of the stage. a nice clean way to make it circular.

skz

costume

FINALLY something different on the skz boys! these were mostly fun eboy looks for them, and i like it on the basis that it's not the same as the last set of costumes.

bang chan out there with his thigh OUT and a (fake) bridge piercing? LOVE to see it. great work.

(copy-paste every thing i’ve said about backup dancers wearing all black)

the backup dancers that were dressed as bystanders/extras were great! they should have kept that with all of them because it would have given a little more shape to the choreography and establishing what function the backup dancers were supposed to have.

set

that is meant to be a giant rice cooker on stage, right? i think so because it's a god’s menu mashup? if that's not a rice cooker i have NO idea what its supposed to be

there’s only two large setpieces here, which was a smart way to go. i LOVE the subway car doubling as the truck, even if the truck itself makes no narrative sense. what a fun way to double the use of a single big piece. you’ll be able to see the way it moves in the full cam but it splits down the centre and there entrance doors at the back with attached stairs that bang chan and the dancers use to climb up.

lighting

not a whole lot happening here. i like the cool white leds in the subway car and the contrast with the more warm tones of the outside, which is good atmospheric establishment, but i can't discern a visible arc. 

not a fan of these projections; they’re in line with what we’ve seen from skz so far, which is: extremely literal. i dont think they’re that distracting, but they’re not to my personal taste. they really should have kept the comic panel theme that they did for changbin’s first verse, because that was inventive and fun to watch! and a great atmospheric indicator! i would love to see a bit more experimental projection use but it's hard when they don’t have a lot of time to build these stages and the lighting team is definitely working remotely.

sound

i love that they made the choice to do some actual talking, it’s a good gimmick and it works for the deadpool/comic book/fourth wall break theme, but australian accents take me the fuck out i am so sorry i cannot listen to either felix or bang chan speak english without laughing uncontrollably. 

i don’t like this arrangement but i'm not surprised about that, given my predilections. i'm also tired of skz shouting STRAY KIDS in every performance they do. i know on music shows it's probably more relevant and yea producers tags are a thing but we’ve been watching this show for nearly two months at this point. we know who you are, you can stop yelling. be more creative with it!

staging

my biggest issue with this stage is that it doesn’t have a payoff. there is an arc here: they’re stealing the truck, but why are they stealing the truck? who are they stealing it from? who are they fighting against? it's kind of important in a stage where the theme is stealing and fighting someone that you tell us who that is. in both of ateez’s previous stages were they were both stealing (rhythm ta) and fighting (wonderland), they made sure to show us who the villain was. there needs to be tension for a big blowup climax to actually pay off. whether it be against a a balloon arm kraken or a fascist government. this stage could have reached that next step if they’d just done a little bit more exposition. 

there were a lot of fun choreo moments here, and this is probably my favourite choreo of theirs so far. i thought the whole first bit in the subway car was excellent and a very fun play on those viral videos that we used to see roll around every so often of dancers doing routines in subway cars.

did it need the guns? not in the slightest. more on this point later. i could talk more about weapons and weight here, but i’ve done that several times already.

like with the tbz game of thrones stages, theyre relying a little too much on the audience's preconceptions of the source material in order to carry the theme. the guns are there because deadpool likes guns, but they don’t actually use the guns for anything? the most we get of the stealing segment is felix and the safe, which admittedly is a great bit with him leaping over and under the ‘laser’ lines (theyre likely led strips). because comic books are by nature procedural and deeply tied to narrative, it's unsatisfying when there’s no tension and no payoff.

HOW did we manage to get two stages that are blackpink covers with remote/tv static gimmick and durags? i know the slot machine of kpop tropes is not very big but surely the probability of hitting triple sevens on this one was pretty low. i’m pretty meh on both of these stages overall. skz was unsatisfying but i loved the choreo in the subway bit so that bumped it up a little ahead of ikon’s in my personal preferences, but i'm reserving my actual rankings for next week. assuming we get the other four stages next week and they dont do something stupid and only show two. which they very well might. i’ve stopped trying to understand why mnet does things the way that they do. 

as always the ask box is open, drop your comments/questions/personal opinions, i love to hear ‘em! but don’t be rude just because some of this is touchier subject material.

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 5

LAST TIME ON SINGY WINGY

ANGRY GREMLIN BEAT UP GOOD BY SUICIDE MOVE SURVIVE BLUE BIRD YES. BLUE BIRD GO TO HOSPITAL FOR WATER METAPHOR WITH AFTERLIFE GIRLFRIEND. TINY BIRD SAD, BUT THEN NOT GET SAD! JACKIE CHAN TIME AFTER MUCH THINKING. WIFE WORRIED ABOUT THINGS. SOMETHING SOMETHING PUNCH GOOD NOW.

Let us continue.

Miku wakes up to see her wife has run off yet again. This is the part of the Sam Reimi’s Spiderman franchise phase where the Mary Jane (not weed) begins having a rockier relationship with Peter Parker (not slang for penis) due to lack of availability.

It’s contrived.

It’s almost impressive that she left a note and had time to draw a tiny Hibiki saying something in a bubble. Glad to see you have your priorities straight, Hibiki.

“you know she might have had a better time in the local art school that doodle aint half bad”

Hibiki is motherfucking Rocky all up in this.

She’s going to kick some ass and nobody’s getting in the way.

“YOU’RE GONNA EAT LIGHTING AND YOU’RE GONNA CRRRRRAP THUNDER TACHIBANAAAAA”

“THAT’S A DIET I CAN GET BEHIND”

I wasn’t joking when I said she’s not fucking around anymore. Did you think I was joking? I can see how you can get the impression given the first few episodes, but I really can’t emphasize the thoroughness of the ass kicking she is going to be capable of.

“MY FATHERLY ENERGIES ARE WORKING! ADOPTERS ANONYMOUS WAS WRONG AFTER ALL!”

That’s totally not ominous in the slightest.

Meanwhile, in the middle of an unnamed McMansion in the middle of who knows where...

Gratuitously spoken English is heard. To be fair, it’s actually really impressive pronunciation coming from people whose native language are systemically different to ours. Most shows would just settle for “this dude is actually speaking english but everything is said in japanese for better interpretation” but not Symphogear! No siree!

Relic business is afoot.

We have a random blonde lady shooting random Noise from the thing The Gremlin had in her hands.

She’s really trying her best with her accent. She’s also casually shooting Noise because let’s face it, would we not do the same if it were in our hands?

“i do whatever i want with my big stiff rod pal”

Also, she’s a nudist. To also be fair, if you lived in a fuckoff rich McMansion with weapons beyond your comprehension, you likely couldn’t help but walk around naked doing whatever the fuck you want.

The people she’s talking to are the Americans, which we explained before are portrayed strictly in an antagonistic light. They want some relics, and this lady clearly deals them like like some sort of glorified drug dealer.

Suffice it to say, she’s not a very nice person.

Also, the subs don’t match what they’re saying in English in the slightest.

The name of this woman... is Fine (pronounced fi-neh). And she is the main antagonist of this series.

Fucking identical.

And here is the most unpleasant scene in the entire season.

The person we’ve repeatedly alluded to as The Gremlin is called Yukine Chris. She serves Fine in whatever the hell they’re up to right now. In this case, it’s using the Nehushtan armor to run around with Solomon’s Cane to throw Noise around the city.

“shits gonna get real abusive, pal”

Fine is a narcissistic sociopath. She’s manipulated Chris into servitude by believing she is the only one that can pave humanity into salvation.

“i dont like that smile”

Chris thinks Fine can secure her deepest wish. Ironically? It’s world peace.

“yeah! yeah yeah, world peace, yeah, totally. just treat me like jesus and we’re gucci”

Anyway, she proceeds to thoroughly shock Chris.

The lore behind this is that this is helping her resistance with dealing with the physical demands of the Nehushtan armor, as well as deal with the pieces of Nehushtan that may be still inside. Let’s be real, though. Fine’s a sadist, and just likes hurting people willy nilly.

“fuck... that hurt like shit... hey wait... wouldnt some of the electrical arcs hit you and shock you too, given you’re so naked and close to all this...?”

“ya nevermind that food looks real nice and i want a piece of that fuckin turkey”

It’s a real creepy scene, and it cements Fine’s horribleness really well. One of the most pivotal things to take note is that Fine says that people can only communicate with each other universally through pain. Strong, terrible BDSM overtones notwithstanding, this will be a common (though varying in quality) motif of the entire series.

“BITCH YOU THOUGHT WE WAS GUNNA EAT AFTER THAT FUCKIN’ WISECRACK ABOUT GETTING SHOCKED LIKE YOU’RE EVEN FUCKIN’ NIKOLAI TESLA ALL UP IN HERE WE’RE GONNA ELECTRIC SLIDE YOUR ASS TO NEXT WEEK”

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK”

“WHERE THE FUUUUUUUCK IS HIBIKI?!”

“i was gonna invite her to the circus with the rest of the class ‘cause i felt bad about how i treated her but i guess she’s not here”

“the only clown im interested in is hibiki, in the carnival tent of my own bedroom”

“isn’t being a part of /fit/ great, hibiki? can you just feel the gains?”

“yeah who needs doting wife based significant others when you have your gym bros, right newly acquired father figure?”

Hibiki, having acquired a new brain cell during her training, asks the million dollar question:

“Why the fuck are we relying on schoolgirls to deal with all this stuff?”

“anime just be that way, hibiki. i’m just the wrong protagonist in the wrong show.”

Japan is super big on keeping the Symphogear a secret because they are strong and the world really, really wants a slice of the Symphogear pie. These people are basically walking super-weapons. Tsubasa literally dropped a sword the size of a skyscraper. It’s like the premise of the series of Iron Man films.

“do i get like a superhero name too or”

Something to wrap your head around. This was released around 2012, and while the setting seems to be slightly more futuristic, the world it was made in at the time had not been through the era of social media/smartphones we have right now. It was on the cusp of doing so, which means the idea of decent (yet vertical) amateur footage of things happening wasn’t something in the mainstream yet. Why do I say this?

Because in Symphogear, the fact that Symphogear exist is the biggest open secret in this unidentified city ever. NDAs are passed like hotcakes to keep people’s mouths shut on seeing monster-fighting singing superheroes. And they sing, too! Symphogears as an entity are the most high-profile fighting agents out there. Bright colors, no masks, constant singing, fighting in broad daylight in populated areas. Everybody knows, but no one says a word.

Which means every politician on the face of Japan hates these idiots, but they’re stuck with them out of sheer necessity.

“i swear to god if you bring up sam reimi’s spiderman one more goddamned time”

“look it’s the truth, all anime comes back to sam reimi’s spiderman. fate zero did it. uhhh, fucking...baccano, probably? now us. face it. its pretty much the bible.”

It’s also pointed out that the very concept of a Symphogear is born from a science that didn’t exist, and it probably contributes to political frustration as well.

“im going to microwave all your sam reimi spiderman dvds. im gonna do it. you try me, motherfucker. i didnt go into acting and get into this position to hear lectures about a decades old film franchise nobody cares about anymore.”

“can we stop fighting about the validity of sam reimi’s spiderman for five seconds and get back to helping me thing of a dope as hell superhero name? now, lemme lay one on you: Mister Fister”

Hibiki asks where Code Ryoko is.

“any answer besides Not Here works”

“oh, she left to talk to the americans, why?”

“huh, shes sorta late, actually”

“WHY A BAD BITCH LIKE ME GOTTA GET STUCK IN TRAFFIC LIKE THIS”

In the mother of all Mom Vans, no less.

MEANWHILE... IN METAPHOR LIMBO...

Tsubasa has reached the sea floor of the water metaphor dimension surrounded by water, which is her feelings, which are very gay. Imagine the Mariana Trench but like, deeper. Way deeper. That’s where Tsubasa is.

Leave it to Kazanari “I am literally a sword” Tsubasa to successfully spin the very act of surviving a suicidal move during combat as a failure. That’s a special kind of self loathing right there.

“the sheer force of my love for big ladies is keeping me alive”

Tsubasa asks about the point of Kanade’s sacrifice. Why’d she do it? Why was she so hungry at the end?

She personally shows up to answer that question, because that’s Kanade for you.

“being badass is cool, but you know whats cooler? caring.”

“sharing the sauce... you... you shared the sauce...”

“thats right, tsubasa. i wanted to protect the sauce, but... ultimately... sharing it was better. it wasn’t my sauce, tsubasa. it was everyone’s...”

“im gonna suck on a ketchup packet in your memory, tsubasa”

Kanade’s spirit pulls her out of the dimension of water metaphors as she is slowly undrowning from her emotions.

Tsubasa, like Kanade, was lost in the sauce. But now, after Kanade’s touching peptalk, Tsubasa is lost no longer.

“will i ever see you again in my dreams, kanade...?”

“where there’s a sauce. i’ll be there.”

“ill eat taco bell every day just to see you again kanade”

“and i dont even like taco bell... im more of a chipotle girl...”

After accepting Taco Bell as her lord and savior, she is immediately pulled out of the metaphor zone.

And wakes the fuck up.

“b..... b..... b............”

“Baja Blast....”

[one-of-us-must-be-crazy]

Fire Hazzard - Ripuels Fireman AU

Ripley/Samuels Fireman Rescue AU for @rosy-station

By, @ripuels

Word Count: 1505

Ruthless. In a word. Was the most humble way he could describe this woman tearing literal shreds off the garage employee, from the “superintendent” badge right off his chest to a hole in his pride. Absolute demolition mode.

Despite the countering weight of authority, he’s allowing himself, as if he had a choice, to be chastised by the younger woman.

“You’ve been here for two fucking days! Two days and you nearly burn my workshop to the ground?”

Two days. Samuels hears. Rough deal.

One of his sooty comrades, perhaps a littler cleaner than himself, begins his approach to quell the woman. Being human and vastly superior, he withholds his advice and continues rolling up the fire hose. But frankly, this woman is a few nosey human fire-fighters- who’s job description begins and ends in watching synthetics do all the work- away from being hostile and/or a threat. Axel’s pride and confidence is, if not immediately, but almost pre-emptively smothered in the same blanket of expletives spewing from the woman. It doesn’t take five seconds for his surrender against the slew of ‘and what did you even do’, ‘you just stood there’, ‘what do you even get paid for’, and the attending officer, hastily unattends.

Christopher scrubs the goggle-mark of soot from his forehead.

“Did you take any damage?” A voice behind is registered.

Samuel shakes his head ever so slightly. He is good at his job, and being a newer model than his approaching 'friend’, has far more stamina and strength. That and the fact he doesn’t get out much. Isn’t allowed out much.

He looks up and considers the woman again, alone now, and still obviously fuming, as Bishop comes to his side. “You are not going to talk to her are you?“

“Someone has to, she is a sliver away from being a threat.”

Bishop nods.

“I feel a little pity for the man. He never stood a chance.”

“Be careful.”

Samuels nods once. He knows the caution in his friend’s voice is not towards him approaching the mechanic, knuckles barely an inch from a wrench with high probability of brandishing it, but instead it is in conceiving emotion. They have this job, of which they received because of their inability to do so. Their unattachment. Lack of sentiment. Inability to feel. To dare and do so was a very dangerous, and very confusing thing.

Emotions, lack thereof or not, he still feels, even as a machine, it is better by millions facing this absolutely ropeable woman than a charred cadaver, which the superintended is still possibly clueless about their very narrow escape from becoming.

The woman however, is not. And is, in Samuels non-existent and impossible opinion, acting accordingly with all things considered.

“Pardon me. Ripley?” Samuels gets her attention immediately, a glance of recognition, of calm. Of course she would see no point in abusing him- she is pissed, not irrational. “My name is Samuels, I work for the Company.”

“You, again? You know you don’t have to do that every single time, I know who you are.” She almost looks to regret her tone, but carries on. “What took you so damn long?”

The fire department had acted immediately upon receiving the distress alarm, what took them 'so long’ was the distance between the hangar bay workshop and the other side of the station. Which is one of the worst, most ill-considered places to be enjoying a cigar on duty, second only to sitting in, or on the actual vats… Yet again, Samuels is morbidly impressed by human ingenuity and tendency towards destruction.

Grace in their failures, he reminds himself.

“Apologies for the delay, we acted as fast as we could. Though, you seemed to have everything under control when we got here. As per usual.”

“Oh no, not this time. Not by a long-fucking-shot. And hangar one would agree. I vented it, shot a weeks worth of irresponsibly sealed fuel out and smothered the rest in pure unadultered space where it has now possibly floated out of its containers and is coating every godless surface in that entire workshop.” Ripley puffs and rubs her shoulder blade where a singed flap of denim is falling away from her white tee. “Lost a cargo loader too- thing was worth more than my life a thousand times. If the company-” she considers Samuels for a moment, remembering, knowing his abilities and inabilities, “when the company find out, I’m gonna wish it was me floating out there.”

Samuels doesn’t reply, but takes a peek at Amanda’s shoulder. The skin is hot and red, not blistering but very obviously burned. “You’re burned, Ripley. You must to run that under cold water immediately, as your tending physician-”

“I’m fine.”

“Humour me.”

“Never thought I’d hear something like that out of you. But I am fine, really.” Ripley watches her feet begin to trail after the synthetic anyway, a little defused. He turns from the tanker with a cold pack in hand and offers her a place on its tow bar to sit and they both fall silent.

Amanda knows she’s being monitored, for shock or trauma, knows its nothing more than a scan, but the silence and the stare being the longest personal contact she has had in years is making her fidget.

“So, I’ve always meant to ask, why are you in the fire and emergency services department?” She holds the cold pack to her shoulder with a cough to mask her wince. “Thought you were an executive first time I saw you.”

Samuels has been in this exact position at least once annually, no situation as dramatic as this scene though, having to pull people from a burning room. Sometimes it was soldering fires, untrained apprentices, lazy supervisors, things Occupational Health and Safety would consider a field day. But never before has he come to think that maybe this time was it, that he would be recovering bodies. Amanda’s being a very near miss.

Arm slung over his shoulder, he was only able to dump her by a table at a safe distance and leave again for one last sweep. Everyone accounted for, this time. But imagining coming upon the alternative scene made him experience discomfort, and anxiety. The error within him still alive and well.

He shrugs. Shrugs. Never having done that before. “I was- there were faults.”

“Fuck, hey?”

“Pardon?”

Amanda laughs, it’s short, sarcastic, and disbelieving, but genuine and musical to Samuels. “I just mean fuck, they put a faulty synthetic in fire and evac? They really don’t care about us down the food chain.” She seems intrigued.

“I don’t believe the state of myself is proven unfit for work entirely.” Is he actually offended?

Amanda waves him off and nudges his arm. “I am kidding. Its almost like giving a mechanic with overwhelming mental issues unlimited access to fuel and explosives.”

Samuels pauses, “Ripley-”

“Kidding, again.” She pats down the alarm in his voice, “it’s just these far off stations, y'know? So what is it anyway, hardware? Software? Structural?”

“No, I’m fine, structurally. I once behaved sentimentally with no reason to do so, and no explanation or evidence even from myself. It was not my job nor my place to act as such, so I was reordered to serve in the fire department. Which, in a sense keeps me inactive for roughly three-fifty days of the year. It’s convenient.”

“Ah, it keeps you in a cage.”

Samuels doesn’t respond, feeling no need to verbally agree at least. Keeping him in stasis until his services are required keeps him package new and up to date, it’s only practical. But she is not entirely wrong.

“So I take it you don’t get out much? Not within the five years I’ve known you?”

“No need, Ms Ripley. I am happy to be of service and ready to be called upon, which is far more important.”

She frowns deeply, “you used to get out when you were in legal though, right?”

He nods assuredly, what looks to be nostalgia, whimsy, crosses his face.

“So hypothetically, would you… enjoy,” she fishes through her words, “a day off? To monitor a burn victim.”

Samuels watches as Amanda squeezes the cold pack to rearrange the heat it’s absorbed. Her stare cuts through him like she sees every thought he’s ever had, every inkling of free will, every dream. And finally smiles.

“It would be… refreshing.” He nods. “Very.”

“Well, Samuels of the company, considering this is the longest conversation I’ve had with another person in fuck knows how long, I must be in a good mood against all odds, and am in need of someone to make sure I don’t pass out and drown in my well deserved beer this afternoon.” She smiles and offers him back the coldpack which he replaces with another one against her protesting brow. “How about it?”

Samuels nods and let’s himself smile ever so slightly. This time, he truly does feel happy to be of service.

(Big thank you to annabellioncourt for doing this, the real MVP of the Alien fandom! Thank you for keeping this little tug boat alive~)

[renewingagain]

sunday 27th june 2021 // 4:18pm

everything hurts atm

my anxiety is getting really bad Papa and i really don't know why there is this constant pit of 'eurgh' in my stomach

there are so many issues that i need to work out in my life, as mae says in feel good my brain feels like 'empty mismatched boxes of tupperware and their lids just tumbling around in my head like a tumble dryer' or something like that. RELATE !!!!!

what is it that is supposedly wrong in my life? because:

i have a job. granted its not great, but i have one

i'm (currently) living for very cheap with people who are looking after me

i have some friends. not many, but some

but there are people who love me and care about me

i'm physically in good health. i have no disease, no ailments. i'm not physically disabled, i don't have cancer or anything (sorry i'm just watching Clouds and the guy has cancer in it)

but mentally, im in such a bad place i feel

these are the things i am always worrying about:

- work, i get scared that i'll do the wrong thing or when customers shout at me / complain, i can never find a good resolution for them. plus the hours ARE so long

- sex. i worry that im not desirable enough, that i don't have a great body. i worry because i didn't sleep around enough. because i had phimosis it was something to work through but now i have performance anxiety. even though i find (whoever) attractive it just won't really work but i don't know why. do i really want to fuck them?

whenever i hear of guys having a lot of sex, or talk about how they had a lot of sex in the past because they could, or that they can even fuck someone, i get really jealous and also feel loser-ish because i can't seem to do that right now. it feels really embarassing, but i don't always just wanna bottom! don't get me wrong, i love it but i know how good it feels and wanna give that to other guys. especially if i end up in a relationship.

relationship - how on god's green earth is this going to work when this time comes. who do i even want? how will this work with my family (namely mum) and things like church? people that i know? even though some of my family are fine with it, it would still be weird introducing them to my cousins or whatever. i don't truly know how they all feel about it and i don't want to be looked at differently.

what about when it comes to marrying a guy? i don't want that day to be filled with dread and anxiety, what if my mum or my bibi or people don't want to come because they don't support it? like that is so hurtful isn't it. this cruel divide between sexuality and some religions. but maybe it will be filled with this feeling. although mum doesn't really treat me bad for it, i can't ever see her warming up to the idea of me marrying a man as she is quite religious. and i absolutely do not want whoever i'm seeing to feel like they can't be a part of my family, or feel as though some people in my family see them as evil. i couldn't bring that to the person i love.

insecurity - we have mentioned bodily insecurity and feeling undesirable, but i feel like this sort of applies in every day life too with just anyone that i meet. sometimes i just feel really lame? and i've literally forgotten how to socialise too. i never know what to talk about with people, i feel like i've always ran out of things to say. i'm not entirely into most things that people are into like general TV or movies. i always feel really awkward and socially stunted. i never used to be this way so i don't know where this has come from. anxiety really comes into play here, but i honest to God (u lol) don't know why and i can't pinpoint it.

MUSIC - this sucks atm. i can't sing the way i used to, and it's not like im doing dreamflower anymore as that kinda no longer exists. i can't songwrite or anything, and i know things can be done about this and it just takes a lot of trying. but i'm so wiped out. from dealing with mental health issues i just don't have the energy to pursue this anymore, which is such a shame as it really brought me such joy, but i don't know what to do with this anymore. i'm not even singing in church either

church - i'm not going to church anymore, i really don't like it. it feels so superficial and same-y, it feels like people in church are just wrapped up in their emotions, a good feeling. hype. church used to be such a big part of my life, but i can't bear it anymore. it doesn't help with the gay stuff either. but i don't want to go to a church where it's just worship and a cute sunday message, that doesn't help me in my walk as a christian or my relationship with God at all, it's just a nice feeling that then just passes by and that's it. it's pointless for me at this point.

God - where are u man? i don't even know who you are or if you are real or how to approach you. i guess maybe this is the biggest thing? but it's also the most underlying so i don't know how to deal with this. i don't know where to begin. it feels like such a chore to strike this relationship up again or to just approach you. i don't know what to do if you are not real. i need you but i need you to reveal yourself to me.

what am i to do with all of this? it's all so much for my heavy heart to bear. i feel emotion so deeply within me, and i don't know what to do with all this. where do i start? who can i process this with? do i need to see a counsellor? i'm scared to share how i truly feel with people as they will probably think i am weird.

but at the same time, i know what i kinda want to do in life.

"Your purpose is to help others and love" is what my current phone background says, and it's very true. i just have to love people because people deserve love, and i do not need to get anything from it. as zach said in clouds "I just wanna make people happy" like that is literally me. people deserve joy and love.

having said this, why am i not applying this to myself? why don't i love myself? i think i am a very special person and rejection shouldn't phase me, but it does. annoyingly i have periods where i do feel this way and everything feels a bit clearer, but then these are fleeting and i soon feel bad again.

the worst is when i wake up in the morning. i have a brief few seconds of feeling normal, and then, just dread and anxiety. "oh it's just another day of nothingness and sans-meaning" i tell myself, and i just have to get through. what is the point, truly?

furthermore, i don't understand why when i have a drink or smoke some weed, i then just feel normal? i don't feel my problems or anything in my head, i feel still. why must i rely on that to make me feel better? why can't i just feel normal? i don't want to become a weed addict, as smoking is not good for you. i don't understand. am i really ill or something? am i NOT right in the head? do i have an anxiety disorder that i've never been made aware of before or is a recent development?

maybe i should see a doctor or call the employee assistance program. but my god i am so sad. i simply do not know what to do.

G (me and u) we need a game plan. we need to fix this. i should not be living like this.

i really need to love myself and just take it easy. but please help me god, if you are there, otherwise i don't know what to do.

g, you have to understand that you are dealing with so much that i guess not many people deal with (well, there probably are, but who wants to be vocal about all this hey?) but i know i need to be the strong one.

going back to the church and LGBT, i say this so many times but there must be so many LGBT+ kids like myself who share these expereiences to an extent, and to be shut off from the church where they should supposedly find comfort? unacceptable. this is something that I must change as it's really not fair. maybe my whole life will become a research project into this. LGBT people deserve far better than what they have had.

God, i literally cannot do this without you. i guess it all revolves around you at the end of the day.

help.

note to self: start drafting a game plan. use sticky notes by your bed to remind yourself like you used to. but also don't always be so deep, take it easy and enjoy your life man.

- G

[gohyuck]

Sleepovers with NCT Dream

anon asked: Am I allowed to request sleepover/slumber parties with NCT Dream? Just somethin cute n fluffy

okay so i’m not sure if this is like each individual member or with the group as a whole so i did...both? 

uh for each of them the other members aren’t present because just...assume that the specific member kicked them out for the night or they dont wanna bother member/reader haha

under the cut

mark

“fight me mark lee”

you regret the words like...as soon as they leave you because the moment you finish your sentence you get a face full of pillow

youd forgotten your clothes in the excitement of being able to sleepover at your boyfriend’s so long story short you’re decked out in one of his thinner t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants

moments before disaster (aka The Pillow) struck you’d been chilling out on the couch and you both were pigging out just watching tv or something 

then mark decided to s t e a l a c h i p f r o m y o u r b o w l 

you couldn’t just TAKE THAT 

so yeah you mouth off and then get pillowed in the face and after the initial shock wears off you kinda just calmly get up and walk slowly towards the kitchen counter to put your food away so it doesnt spill

all the while mark is shaking in his boots the fear is BUILDING

because hes going over the scenarios of what you might do next in his head he doesnt notice you discretely picking up a pillow

he does feel it tho when you hit him upside the head with it

W A R ensues its like... Armageddon 

until you pin mark down because hes laughing way too hard to fight back

“cry uncle” “NEVER” tickles him once “uNCLE”

he calls for a truce and you give him one with a warning about stealing food and hes like ok fine ill get my own chips next time and you guys resume watching the movie

his arms around you and youre just using him as a headrest/backrest and its overall a really soft time tbh

mark is really comfortable tbh

and you guys have been dating for a while (dream’s parents) so it’s just like a normal date, practically

its just really chill like you guys dont do much other than marathon movies and pillow fight and pig out 

and make small talk 

and steal kisses

playing random games like ispy or something just seems like a mark thing

planning future hang outs and dates lol

“hey on our next date im taking you out to dinner” “and a movie” “you bet” “mark i was kiddi-” “its my treat”

it gets late fast though (time flies when you’re having fun) and you notice this and look over to say that maybe you guys should sleep only to find your bf knocked out on the other side of the couch

again

you cant help but smile at the sight

he’s so overworked, you don’t have the heart to wake him up

instead you turn off the tv, put up all the foodstuffs and clean the area quickly, put the pillows up and lay a pillow out on the ground by the couch and find a blanket and then turn off the lights before lying down

when mark wakes up the next morning he wakes up before you and sighs before stepping over you lightly to brush and stuff and to pour cereal for the two of you (hes not even going to TRY to cook)

once you wake up hes like “why didnt you wake me i wouldve taken the floor” and youre just like “yeah thats why i didnt wake you” and he just shakes his head because he cant argue with you and honestly hes

kinda touched, just a little

you have to leave all too soon but you dont go before getting a goodbye kiss and a promise to have another sleepover very soon

just....soft..soft times

renjun

board game central

hes just 

head in the game lolol (dont kill me for that joke)

monopoly? clue? sorry? you name it he’s got it like...this boy doesn’t play when it comes to board games

no pun intended

the first half of the night is just you guys playing random board games as best you can with just two people

and then he brings out the chess board

that’s when it gets bumpin tbh

by bumpin i mean you and your boyfriend nearly wring each others throats during the match...but with your minds...because neither of you are speaking you’re THAT concentrated

it’s.....2 hours long

and in the end you guys have to call a draw and like you sit back and just stare at each other blinking and eventually renjun speaks

and his voice is hoarse because neither of you have spoken in a while and the first thing he says (very matter-of-factly, too) is “i’m going to flip the board now”

and you just go “go ahead” hoarsely as well because you’re just in mild shock that nobody won that intense ass match

he flips the board and looks up and stares at you and you stare back and suddenly the two of you are crying of laughter like

majorly uncontrollable you’re just rolling on the floor wheezing 

after you both calm down renjun goes to the kitchen to find something to eat and he’s like “it’s 1 in the morning oh my god we haven’t even eaten dinner what the heck” and that sends you into another fit of laughter

“wait but we still have to have like a pillow fight and watch dumb romcoms and horrors and stuff we have so much to do and so little time” “renjun we don’t have to do all the cliche sleepover stuff” “ok but consider this: itll be fun” “its like ass thirty in the morning though/??” “are you saying we cant do it because if so now we HAVE to do it” “...you get the pillows i’ll get the popcorn put the worst movie you can find into the dvd player”

after a few movies its like 5: 30 am and the two of you are still awake

“are you still up” “no are you” “no”

neither of you wants to be the first to fall asleep

competitive couple af

you guys start a two person game of truth or dare and it ends up getting mushy because for a truth renjun asks you like how you knew you wanted to date him

and you get serious and stuff (which he didn’t foresee he expected an answer like “well you look like moomin and like....i love moomin”) and you come at him with like “when i started noticing that your eyes sparkle when you sing and just how happy you make other people and how you love what you do and how-”

he attacks you with a massive hug because oh my god you’re so sweet he’s getting a cavity 

“i like you a lot, you know”  “i’d hope so i just ate like 90% of your snack stash renjun”  “i take that back”

you guys are still awake when mark comes back to the dorm

when he gets out of the shower, however, is a different story - you and renjun are dead asleep while sitting on the couch, awkwardly wrapped around each other

a photoshoot courtesy of mark’s phone camera ensues

(mark goes to sleep to ice cubes in his pillow that night, courtesy of you and renjun)

jeno

king of planning 

like he mentally knows everything that can and will go wrong and stuff and knows where the extra pillows and blankets are and is aware of what you’re gonna wanna do and just...he Knows

the first thing you guys do when you get to the dorm is bake brownies 

he makes sure to take videos of the whole process and send them to the other members

jeno: guess what yall are missing out on ;) jisung: i hate this family

the kind of bf to try to feed you the brownies and get the food literally everywhere but your mouth

for as put together as he is you guys end up having brownies and ice cream for dinner lol neither of you can be bothered to cook dinner

“babe should we order out” “i mean you can if you want to” “...but jenoooo that means getting up and getting to my phone” “that’s what i thought”

has a cache of games and movies and shows 

“take your pick”

you guys end up playing random card games like ERS or blackjack for a while 

it honestly is never boring tho because you and jeno are just so comfortable with each other every moment is great no matter what you’re doing

i feel like jeno’s the kind of guy to call his SO a bunch of cute nicknames like he just wants you to know how cute he thinks you are and he does that thru nicknames

“love...” “babe...” “sweetheart...”

after a while though you run out of card games to play and jeno’s about to suggest watching something on tv when he sees your expression

“...what’s on your mind” “...we could mess with your members a little...” “prank calls?” “you know me so well”

within an hour the two of you have convinced yuta that aliens are real and can use cellphones and gotten taeyong to believe that “swag” is a polish swear word and that donghyuck needs to be punished whenever he says it

and jaemin thinks he’s being relentlessly contacted by clowns from a circus in the next town over who think that he’s stolen their tiny car

you guys pass more time just talking and stuff 

and putting on songs and dancing to them it’s Good Fun

he makes you take his bed and sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag 

you feel awful about it though so when you’re sure he asleep you go find the other sleeping bag and take your pillow and sleep beside him on the floor

he’s super shook when he wakes up but when he realizes that you didn’t want him to be lonely on the floor his smile is as bright as the sun

texts his friends for help on how to cook a nice breakfast

jeno: yo does anyone know how to make breakfast haechan: yeah jeno: cool what are the directions haechan: i didn’t say i’d give them to you

by this time you’re awake and just like “ok let me handle breakfast” 

the two of you just end up eating plain rice and eggs (because you aren’t confident in your kitchen skills) and giggling over the crappy pictures you’re taking of each other eating 

all in all the perfect date/sleepover

haechan

the moment you walk in the first thing that happens is that haechan pulls you into a hug

the second thing that happens is he holds you at an arm’s length, looks you straight in the eyes, and goes “we have to make a pillow fort”

you 100% agree it’s a necessity 

after putting your bag down on the kitchen he basically drags you to the living room 

the couch gets pushed back against the wall, the coffee table is moved to the side and chairs are moved back so there’s just a big floorspace directly in front of the tv 

“let’s use four chairs as like pillars to hold up the blankets and bring all our food, phones, everything in so we don’t have to leave the fort the whole night” “i like the way you think.. we should go out some time, get to know each other better” “hyuck we’re dating”

i feel like haechan’s the type to be reserved with pda and stick to handholding (only sometimes, even then) because he’s embarrassed around the other members because they like teasing y’all

BUT when you guys are alone he’s totally different 

like after the fort is finished and there are blankets above your heads and you’re both changed into makeshift pjs (just shorts and shirts tbh) and theres pillows around the fort’s perimeter and the tv is on he’ll like

grab whatever you’re currently eating and hold it up and whenever you lean over to reach it he’ll just lean back or move it just out of your reach again

“give it backkkk” “only if you kiss me” “...honestly i was going to do that anyways but now that you’re asking i don’t want to”

leaning into him and him closing his eyes because he expects a kiss and his arm naturally lowering lolol you grab the food and move back without even a peck on the cheek

a pouty haechan emerges

he wont talk to you again unless you kiss him and youre like ugh this big baby

but you dont wanna spend the whole night conversationless so you comply and he pulls you in

suddenly yall are rolling around in the fort laughing and having a play fight just cute af tbh

“hey hyuck we have approximately 9 hours before the other guys come back and i have to go and we have to sleep sometime so we basically have 3 hours to pull some amazing prank” “not to worry, sweetheart - i already have an idea”

and thats when you two set about to turn literally everything upside down in everyone’s rooms 

it takes forever because he puts music on while you guys are working and you both end up ballroom dancing to michael jackson

once its done neither of you can breathe from laughing so hard 

he makes a really quick dinner and the two of you eat it in the fort

while trading stories from the past couple weeks

“so you’re telling me she just...drank the entire cup of coffee after pouring two monster energies into it” “yeah she straight up chugged it i was in AWE”

all of this is done facing each other while holding hands on one side and eating with the other

“hey is that my shirt” “might be? i just found it in my drawers” “it’s definitely mine” “no wonder it’s so soft”

you guys fall asleep really late (or early, depending on how you look at it) because you spend so much time just TALKING

there’s 80s movies playing on the tv in the background

you fall asleep on your pillow but wake up like sideways using haechan’s chest as a footrest or something just...weird sleep position couple

the two of you wake up to confused exclamations from the other members

“hey maybe we should eat breakfast somewhere else so they don’t kill us for the upside downness” “get your keys i’ll grab money” 

jaemin

buys a telescope just for your sleepover

“what’s the point of having a roof if you can’t climb on top of it and stargaze”

has you go up the stairs to the roof first so he can keep a steady hand on your back since the stairs are narrow

you guys have to make like three trips up and down from the roof before settling down

the first trip you guys set the telescope and blankets up and you go down because you need to go back and bring the food up

the second time is because you have to bring pillows up

the third time is because jaemin forgets his phone oops

its still kind of light out when you guys get up on the roof so you pass time by taking selfies and talking and stuff

its cold af outside and youre freezing despite your jacket so jaemin bundles the both of you up in a blanket (or 4) 

“so the best time to watch the meteor shower is between midnight and dawn but we can just look at other cool spacey stuff before then” “why would i look at other stars when the brightest star is right in front of me” “that’s the cheesiest thing i’ve ever heard i’m breaking up with you” “aw jaemin you know you love me”

you have to stop him from trying to eat what is essentially just a whole bunch of tomatoes in rice paper in one bite

jaemin forgets to bring games up to the roof and hes too lazy to go downstairs and get anything

youre not bored anyways tho

once it gets darker you guys start pointing out some cool stars and constellations

“babe it’s orion’s belt” “nana look at that star, it looks so bright!” “almost as bright as you” “i already said that about you earlier, try again”

play fighting over the telescope

he lets you look first though

when the meteor shower starts you’re both in serious awe

“can you believe that we’re so small and just..tiny and pliable and insignificant in this universe and there are huge things like meteors just streaking through this vast space of nothingness and just wow” “i’m just glad i exist at the same time as you” “jaemin that’s...that’s not even corny or anything that’s just super cute i can’t even make fun of you for it” “it’s true, though”

both of you forget to take videos of the shower

because you’re just enthralled with the fact that the literal sky is like...on fire and shit

jaemin the type to press chaste kisses to your cheek and pull you ever closer to him at random intervals

Soft BF Alert

eating dinner while watching

he points at like every meteor and is like “look at it goooo”

“gotta go fast” “jae if it was possible to literally delete somebody i’d do that right now...blocked” “you love me”

sings under his breath and you record a vid of him doing it without him knowing because its so cute and just...hes so good at singing youre shook

once it starts getting really late and youre yawning and stuff hes like ok maybe we should go downstairs and sleep

it takes two trips to get everything back down to the dorm rip 

at least jaemin doesnt forget his phone this time

once you guys get back neither of you can decide who gets the bed

“you can have it babe i sleep here everyday” “no way i cant do that to you, ill take the floor i practically live here its like home”

its wayyy too late to argue tho you both end up sharing the bed

overall an amazing date like???? meteor shower AND a sleepover with your bf in one night?

thats one successful night

chenle 

theres an unspoken meme war between the two of you

like nobody really mentions it its there...looming...constantly...

meme war as in you guys constantly taken ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS pictures of each other and use them as reaction images

throughout the night each of you take/send pics of each other to the other dream members 

“we should cuddle” “ok how do i know youre not gonna like...lick me or something for a picture of my expression” “you...well you dont but-”

you convince him to watch the ouija movies that are out

he makes it through them but like...

chenle’s either screaming throughout the whole movie or totally shell shocked and you’re just lol @ him

“this isn’t even that scary” “speak for yourself” “i am - come out from under the blanket babe i swear it’s not that scary”

after the movies he’s like “im never letting you choose what to do ever again ever” and you get him saying it on video for the Jokes

its his turn to choose

his immediate response is karaoke

chenle sets everything up for it while you order in dinner because lbr neither of you are looking up the directions to anything with cooking 

he screams directly into the mic while youre on the phone to test it

(and takes a pic of your eyes going wide and you jumping a little bit)

“is everything alright on your side” “yeah just ...make that three orders of chicken im gonna be eating my woes away tonight”

chenle gets out the hoverboard and tries to teach you the dance moves to chewing gum

that quickly stops because you fall onto him

twice

within a span of four and a half minutes

nobodys there to roast though so you guys laugh as hard as you want

a lot of screaming

you love his laugh its so bright and happy just!!! wow

ngl since you started dating him his laugh kind of influenced yours so you laugh a lot louder than you did before chenle

when your food comes in youre too busy screaming lyrics to a song to get the door so chenle grabs the food

and tips the deliveryboy even more than he usually would 

“you’re going to scare away the neighbors with that singing” “i’m surprised people still live here after you moved in chenle, dolphin sounding little-”

eating on the floor while facing each other

“close your mouth while chewing” “ok hon but to tell me that you spoke while eating” “listen, zhong chenle-”

having a staring contest 

loser has to wash dishes

spoiler alert: you lose because he starts smiling and you cant stare straight at him when he smiles without smiling back and blinking really hard its like looking straight at the actual sun

hes super loving and cuddly so while youre washing dishes chenle backhugs you instead of cleaning up the karaoke equipment

“yah you’re sidetracking me” “we should dance instead of being boring and washing dishes like an old married couple” “you can dance while i’m being productive”

he does just that - tries to sidetrack you EVEN MORE by dancing ridiculously while you try to wash dishes 

ends up in a soap and water fight 

i feel like chenle would sleep a little earlier than the other guys so when youre done cleaning up your (late) dinner and hes done mopping the floor of the remnants of soap hes like maybe we should sleep

you agree because its almost like 1 am and youre tired too

pulling out a big family size sleeping bag in the middle of the living room floor and finding pillows

putting on light instrumental sleep music

waking up to chenle taking like a million pictures of your terrible bedhead and sending them to all of his friends

chenle’s just so fun to be around alfskjdk

jisung

ngl i feel like the night would start off just a little bit awk with jisung

like not awkward to where no conversation is being made awkward just more like small talk while sitting a good foot away from each other on the couch and friends is running on the tv in the background awkward 

you get tired of that really fast tho

bc you and jisung have been best friends for a g e s it shouldnt be like this

so you bean him with a throw pillow

straight upside the head like hes an alarm clock that wont shut up

it takes him a second to react but once he does its chaos 

he hits you back with like twice as much speed and power

suddenly both of you are on the floor fending for yourselves while trying to attack the other

you fight valiantly but hes just

so dang tall that eventually he grabs the weaponized pillow right out of your hand and holds it way high above your head

“checkmate” “...oh shut up :/”

after that though its a lot more comfortable like you settle into your usual pattern of relentlessly teasing each other

“lets put on mickey mouse cartoons jisung you’ll be able to relate” “are you even tall enough to see the tv” “not everyone can be a beansprout”

jisung pops popcorn for the movies and instead of eating it while watching the movie the two of you just throw kernels at each other and laugh at how dumb the other looks with popcorn in their hair

after a while jisung’s like “we should go out back there’s like... a singular tree and some grass and we can just chill” and you’re like well that’s new in the city so it’s a good opportunity so you agree

bringing a needle and thread outside so you can sew together flower crowns of leaves, grass, and dandelions

jisung leans against the tree while watching you make a mildly lopsided crown 

he cant help but laugh when you put it on his head

“hold on im gonna take a picture” “do i look like a beautiful princess” “like a model, jisung, the prettiest princess ever” “will you be the frog to my princess?” “that’s the worst pick up line i’ve ever heard i’m considering taking back my flower crown”

you almost go inside after that but jisung’s like wait what about a flower crown for you

and you’re like oh i forgot i wasn’t really focusing on making one for myself haha

so jisung takes the needle and thread and makes you one

it’s not as pretty as the one that’s on his head but itll do

taking like 20 selfies together with the flower crowns before going back inside

after that he teaches you some of the nct dances

including stuff from the other subunits

“can you teach me taeil-ssi’s cheerleader dance from paju” “...this lesson is over”

jisung making rice and meat for dinner

you fry vegetables and try your hardest not to make anything explode

afterwards you’re lying down on the couch and he’s on the floor below you

the lights are out and its been a while since theyve been off

youre halfway asleep when

“i know youre my best friend but i think i want to date you”

aaaaand youre wide awake again

“wait, jisung, what?” “i thouGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP OH NO” “did i hear you correctly???” “im so sorry i’ll-” “i like you too you absolute idiot oh my god i cant believe neither of us said anything i-” “-move to cuba and change my name you’ll never have to hear from me again-” “-we are SO DUMB wow okay well we have to get together now its the next logical step-” “-and i’ll cut all connection off and. wait. wait, you like me back?” “-and. dude wait have you not been listening to me at all?? yes??”

and that kids is how you and jisung end up together

jisung texts all of his members before you both really do go to sleep (after an awkward hug and a massive bout of embarrassed laughter) that he finally confessed

you wake up to 89 texts and 2 missed calls 

“taeyong says i have to keep you safe and make sure you eat three square meals a day” “is it disrespectful if i block my hyung and surrogate mother”

!! youre dating park jisung congr a t s

ALL OF NCT DREAM

you open the door immediately to hug bombardment by chenle and jaemin

mark closes it behind you (and shrugs apologetically) considering you cant because youre sandwiched in between the two other members

the first thing all of you do is eat because haechan’s made dinner (with, as jeno keeps reminding everyone, jeno’s help)

hc: all he did was heat the water jn: but it was necessary and helpful, wasn’t it

the second order of business is to push everything out of the way in the living room so the floorspace is entirely open

there are, after all, eight people there and its getting tight on the chairs 

everyones just like eliminate the seating options and thats best - then everyone will just have to sit on the floor 

you: so whats next rj: lets play monopoly everyone, collectively: NO mk: i still have nightmares from last time

jisung suggests twister and everyone (foolishly) agrees

jaemin calls out the colors and limbs and soon you find your left arm reaching over chenle’s right leg and your legs trapped under jisung’s torso

hc, monotonously but muffled as his face is somewhere under renjun’s right armpit: wow this is so wild

after that ends badly (mark nearly suffocates from jeno’s left foot being literally in his mouth) everyone agrees on never taking a suggestion from jisung again (including jisung) 

you suggest a movie marathon and everyone throws pillows at you because that’s “basic”

jm: what about truth or dare jn: wow nana that’s actually a good idea jm: im going to ignore your tone and take it as a compliment anyways

truth or dare quickly causes everyone to become absolute messes because stuff like this happens -

you: renjun, truth or dare rj: truth you: so if you had to gently caress anyone here’s bellybutton, whose bellybutton would it be rj: i

mark and haechan and chenle can each barely breathe because theyre laughing too hard

meanwhile renjun’s mentally going through his brain files of everyone’s bellybuttons and ruing the day he was born, not necessarily in that order

jeno’s videotaping the entire game for future blackmail

hc: jisung if everyone here was a redwood tree who would you set on fire js: you hc: you..you couldnt have hesitated? for even just a secon d

jn: chenle go out in the street and yodel cl: you didnt even ask me truth or d- jn: do it

by the time truth or dare ends its pretty late but youre all way too hopped up on each others embarrassment and general having fun with friends to sleep

cl: karaoke? hc: karaoke. you: maybe karaoke will be our always

the noise level grows like exponentially once karaoke comes on

and it was already pretty freaking loud to start out with

mark’s halfway through a particularly soulful rendition of eminem’s lose yourself when you take a look at the clock

you: guys its almost 3 in the morning jm: sleep is for the WEAK js: chenle’s been knocked out for at least a half hour jm: exactly

mark and jeno move chenle onto the couch and put a blanket over him while you, haechan, and renjun set up sleeping bags and pillow and blankets on the living room floor 

jaemin and jisung turn the music off and make sure the kitchen and everything is clean (and twister is put away)

you turn off the lights and lie down in the bag between mark and renjun

you: we should do this another time jm: minus the twister everyone: minus the twister

jeno wakes you up by stepping on your stomach the next morning while trying to escape renjun and his Pillow of Wrath

the pillow fight’s a little late but hey

8 am is better late than never

a quick breakfast is had while everyone takes turns brushing/showering/changing and it hits 10 am quicker than expected

everyones sad when you have to go back home but!! you all had fun and thats what counts

youre not surprised when mark texts the group chat later about hanging out again soon

[aliceellablog]

CBT 1 - Alice 0

16/11/2017

So I'm fucking miserable and I'm gonna write about it. If you don't wanna hear it (don't blame ya!) don't read! And if you do, well…. Misery loves company eh!!

So last blog I explained how rubbish things had been and that I’d made the decision to really be positive (LOL) and be really dedicated to doing CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and GET (graded exercise therapy) to try and get a bit better and have more consistency.

Well I fucked that right up didn’t I!

I've really been trying and have made no progress. I guess I haven't got any worse at least... but you're meant to do your baseline amount every day (in my case a 25min walk) and NO more and then build very slowly from there each week-

I messed it up so many times all for various reasons - some of them unavoidable like being in hospital and them making you walk around 5 different bloody floors giving in different blood samples and forms etc, some like being stuck in a queue in the supermarket (should I just leave the trolley there and then go home with no food?) and then days when I felt so ill I didn’t make it out the house... man it's tricky.

So anyway, a month in and I am still trying to have 4 good days in a row where I do 25 mins walk so that I can then increase! -

However, now I'm in bed with a throat infection / coldy thing and it'll prob be a while before I get back to it. Balls!

I've been reading lots about other methods of getting better from this thang (M.E./C.F.S), and a lot of them include positive thinking so that you don't get worse or aggravate your symptoms by releasing the bad chemicals when you're stressed or upset... I agree with this but I am just finding it too hard to be positive at the moment…and like, I know I have a proper actual illness so is thinking positively actually going to make me better??

It's like I am constantly TRYING to be in denial because whenever I allow myself to actually think about the reality of what my life is right now I feel genuinely heart broken.

When someone says to me 'how are you today?' How am I meant to reply to that?? Most of the time I ask them how they are instead or skip the question and that seems to always work... but it's really weird like, if I say 'I'm ok thanks, you?' It's like I don't want them to think I'm fine because I am so NOT ok!!! And I want them to understand obvs…. but then I can't say the truth every day? Cos I'm sure it's not fun to be my friend and deal with this all the time #awks -

But then why do I have a NEED for people to understand?? Why do I care so much what people think about me? - I think that’s why I find it hard to do the positive thinking / lightning process thing as you have to literally lie to people - reply to the how are you’s with ‘Yea I’m great thanks’ and hide it all. AH! My head is such a mess... I’m sure I sound genuinely mental right now... but I kinda just feel like giving up. 

I literally have friends who I have reached out to and told just how bad I am feeling - even cried down the phone to them and they are obviously as nice and as caring as they can be at the time, but once they hang up of course they are back into their own world (as I am mine) and I don’t hear from them again. 

I think it’s a really tough position to be in, because its like, the more often you are unwell / stuck at home etc, the more you need people to be there for you, but the more wearing it is on them. 

I don’t blame them - it’s like the friend who keeps getting back with her ex even though you are there for her through every breakup and keep telling them not to - (by the way I have SO never done that.....) LOL... where was I... yea so it’s like ‘not again!’ in peoples heads, but I’m not doing this on purpose!!! 

Thing is, I know I have SO much - family, friends, a roof over my head - (although to be honest not necessarily for long as I have no income and... well...rent!) - food, water, I can most days look after myself - (shower and cook for myself etc) - but I just don't feel fulfilled, or happy.

I feel so fucking miserable. There I said it. I hate it - I can't do the one thing I want to (my career) and it's because I'm not well enough!

Like, it's just so frustrating. And then when I have little good patches I'm so bloody desperate that I start booking in sessions or gigs and then having to cancel them or doing one and then being so tired after (I'm talking weeks in bed) that I wish I'd never have done it!!!

It's been a few weeks now since I did a really cool nail-art job, and even that has completely messed me up. So even though I’ve had to put the singing and songwriting on hold and try and focus on being a nail technician and working from home, I'm starting to face the same problems- like getting awesome opportunities with THAT career and then being frustrated that I can't do them either!!! UGH!!!

I wish I had like, just normal problems… does that sound weird?? Like I wanna be upset because a boy I like isn’t texting me or because my boss is being a bit of a dick, or I twisted my ankle playing tennis (RANDOM) But instead I’ll listen to my friends (rightly so) complain about all that kinda stuff while my head wants to explode. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m the only one with real problems, and I am only comparing myself to the friends and family I see or speak to like all the time, or to the classic ‘instagram life’ I trawl through every day... I’m just venting, and that’s whats on my mind- which is kinda the point of this right?? 

Is everything relative though? Its so shit because I think I should feel lucky for all the great things I DO have in my life, but then when you feel so unwell all day every day, its really hard to do that.

Even the smaller things have been harder more recently too, like the one time my friends and I all booked in to go to the cinema together, guess what?? I wasn’t well enough to go. The one time it's something I should be able to - it's a bus straight there and back, and then being sat down the whole time, and I just didn't feel up to it at all. Fuck sake. Although…. They did say the film was shit lol.

Anyway, I do want to ask y’all some questions while I have you here!! - Has anyone reading this had M.E. and got better? Or know anyone who has?

And if you have a chronic illness, how do you cope?? How do you learn to accept it and be ‘happy’?

Oh, I’ve got a good one… how the hell do ya pay rent when you’re not well enough to work but too ‘well’ to pass that bloody PIP benefits health test thing - (bloody wankers think that because I can lift my arms above my head I am obviously well enough to work a full time job..yep… that’s how it works!)

Ugh, anyway… is it weird that I feel better for writing all that?! I'm not sure, all I hope is that anyone reading this that really can relate feels less alone. That's another thing. It's so lonely and you are the only person who truly knows how much you are struggling and the only one who can find that inner strength to carry on. But we HAVE to. I think of the people who truly love me and how much love and support they give me - I carry on for them, and in the hope that life will turn around some time soon...

So for now I will carry on with CBT / GET every day - once I get over this stupid coldy thing, and maybe 2018 will be my year eh? ... ok I say that every year and look what happens 😂🙈 

PLEASE message me if you’ve read this and wanna chat :) It makes me so happy to hear from ya and kinda gives this whole thing a bit of purpose :) x 

My website: www.aliceella.com

Instagram: @aliceellagram

Nail art instagram (accepting bookings now!): @aliceellanailart

[saskiavalentineapologist]

Can you tell me more about Jubilee and DeLune? Jubilee is your character, right? They both sound like great characters!

ANON YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE

hooo ok. ok so. ok so listen. listen.

we gotta get something out of the way realquick: whenever i talk about DeLune and Jubilee–or really just DeLune–i getso incoherent and flail-y i just. i love DeLune so much, she’s been in mythoughts every day for the past month+ no lie

ok so. @fatalcookies​ createdDeLune as an npc for a campaign she’s going to run, in which I’m going to be aplayer, playing as Jubilee Waters, the gayest tiefling you’ll ever meet (as ofyet, there has not been a single game. I’m obsessing over a character i haventplayed as and her girlfriend. i know. I’m ridiculous)

..let’s introduce Jubilee, then DeLune, theni’ll talk a little about their relationship and maaaaybe go into the au’s I’vecooked up for them. that sounds good, yeah let’s do that

Jubilee Waters. she’s from a small mountaincommunity where tieflings are more accepted than in other places. This mountaincommunity is also known for its arts

Jubilee was abandoned on the church ofPelor’s doorstep at birth, and was taken in by one of the people whoworked in the church, a laborer/cook/whatever they needed her to be named MariaWaters.

Jubilee grew up healthy and strong, and wasquick to pick up the ways of both a cleric and an artist; shaping her own hornsinto works of art and also taking up painting as a hobby, all while training tobe a holy warrior who fought in the name of Pelor, god of the sun. She excelledat the healing arts, and it was only because of her desire to help peopleoutweighing her need for glory that she went down the cleric path instead ofthe paladin path. (that and i reallllly wanted to play a cleric, because ihavent yet)

except her mom didn’t want her to go out andadventure, because it was too dangerous. That was a point of contention for along time between them. Jubilee wanted to go out and help people, and hermother wanted her home and safe.

Eventually, Jubilee’s mother passed. Jubileestayed, mourned, and before too long had passed, she was out on the road,heading to destinations unknown in a quest with a single goal: help peoplewherever help is needed. 

Eventually, she meets the group she’ll betraveling with in-game, and she goes on her merry way, eventually meetingDeLune

(I’ve been informed that DeLune probably won’tshow up until about halfway through the campaign, which on one hand makes me :(but on the other hand has built up the Hype of meeting her so much that i thinkwhen Jennie says “and in walks a half elven businesswoman” or somethingalong those lines I’m literally going to burst into tears of joy)

DeLune Candor…im trying to decide how much ican talk about.

you know what? i don’t think any of the otherplayers follow me, so the chances of them seeing this post are slim to none.I’m going in guns a’ blazin’

Her full name, I’ve found out, is Claire DeLuneCandor (which “Claire DeLune” means moonlight so they’ve already got thisgreat sun and moon dynamic going on which makes me Weak)

DeLune Candor is a ~55 year old (or theequivalent in half-elven terms) inventor turned businesswoman who is currentlythe head of a large family business that specializes in trading. The businessis booming, and it’s exclusively due to DeLune being at the head of thebusiness. She tries her best to run an ethical business, she’s a pointy-earedcapitalist, and i love her with my whole heart oh my god

She’s a workaholic, she is Fancy to the extremeand has quite the refined taste. She doesn’t like mincing words, she’svery direct and to the point, and she’s…i was going to say she’s perfectbut she’s not, she has flaws, but she’s so My Type that it hurts me and as suchi tend to gloss over her flaws.  I love her with my entire heart, flawsand all tho?? I say i would die for a lot of characters but i would live forDeLune.

OH HOW COULD I FORGET!!!!the song that inspired this character is this song and the woman singing? Shirley Bassey?? is the voice andface claim for DeLune so you Know I’m all about this song, i’ve probablylistened to it a hundred times. i love that song

DeLune…..DeLune actually has a daughter namedCeleste who is around Jubilee’s age which makes things sorta awkward sometimesbut shh shh its perfectly fine shh it can be funny sometimes, ill get into that in a minute

she’s a huge lover of the arts and thesciences, having been an inventor at one point. the love of the arts manifestsitself in her giving patronage to many different artists and commissioningworks and stuff like that Its Good

hrrmm what else is there about DeLune that ican rant about. god i just. ok i just love her. i love her so much?? and shehurts me sometimes for reasons I’m not sure i can disclose at this point. to besafe I’m not going to go too much into it but…she gave up a lot for thefamily business. and i just want her to be happy and relaxed and without toomuch stress

Their relationship…hoogh

ok so they meet, right. and DeLune isimmediately interested in Jubilee’s horns, because they’re works of art andshe’s intrigued with how they came to be. And when Jubilee tells her that she’sbeen working on her horns since she was ten, and that they still require upkeepand management….DeLune has this “holy shit” moment. bc?? here let mefind a direct quote:

“–these are the work of a literallifetime and peoples’ /lives/ are the work of a lifetime and they can’tmaintain as much focus as this 90% of the time.”

so yes, DeLune takes notice in Jubilee becauseof her horns. And Jubilee like. she saw DeLune and she just got this momentof “holy moly I’m so gay” so like?? They both were somewhat interestedfrom the start, and it just evolved from there.

i imagine Jubilee tried to beat around the bushand be subtle about trying to get DeLune to date her but DeLune saw rightthrough it and was just like “…do you want to date me? is that whatyou’re getting at?” and jubilee was like “yes. yes yes yes please godyes"

and so?? they date??

and things go well!! they click reallynaturally and they enjoy each other’s company. They go to a variety offancy places and Jubilee is terrified each time because she doesn’t want to sayor do the wrong thing and end up embarrassing DeLune, but DeLune teaches herthe basics of fancy etiquette and that puts her at ease

…jennie and i have had a conversation abouthow DeLune just completely roasts someone who dared to make a comment aboutJubilee being a tiefling and honestly i saved that whole conversation and iread it when i get sad bc DeLune utterly destroying someone is just So Good

They have their arguments and theirdisagreements because Something (I don’t know what it is) happens around thesame time they meet each other that puts DeLune on edge and so there’sdefinitely conflict regarding this thing. I don’t know what it is but I know inmy soul that its going to hurt me whenever i find out

Hrmmm what else is there. I mean. they fuck. alot. like a lot a lot. god i love them. i just. god i love them.

and this is a thing that makes Celeste and Jubilee’s relationship kind of tense like?? Celeste doesn’t blame Jubilee for getting involved with DeLune, but she DOES blame DeLune for getting involved with Jubilee. and so

ok we’ve had this scene thought out where Celeste comes into the kitchen one morning to see Jubilee dressed in just a silk robe, hair a mess and out of it’s usual braid, leaning against the counter and drinking coffee. and they make eye contact and then that’s how Celeste gets confirmation that yes, her friend is banging her mom and I’m just over here like god fucking bless. 

honestly I’ve saved that conversation too and it makes me giggle because Jubilee just. she sees celeste and she’s like “hi!! good morning!! do you want some coffee??” and celeste is just. no nonsense like. “Jubilee. were you sleeping with someone tonight?” and jubilee makes this face and it cracks me up every time. 

and jubilee just makes the smallest “yeah” ever and celeste just. “and it was my mother, wasn’t it.” not even a question. she knows. but jubilee answers anyway, with another tiny “…yeah.” and then she just “please don’t be cross with her”

and then celeste breaks out the whiskey despite it being like. you know. breakfast. and god i love this family theyre so dysfunctional but god i love them

what else is there. they may or may not go to a small house in the countryside after everything is said and done, somewhere DeLune can make things and somewhere Jubilee can have a quiet life again. just the two of them, after DeLune gives up the reigns on the family business and god i love them. if there’s anything about them that has almost made me cry it’s this idea of them living a quiet life together, somewhere with a small workshop for DeLune and space for Jubilee and her god.

like. jennie killed me with this line:

a small little workshop, pen and paper, and a lover in her bed

…beautiful things they made together

artisan rugs are left back at a different home that she visits,sometimes, when she needs to–and besides it’s not half so beautiful as thesmile on Jubilee’s face when DeLune hand-feeds her a grape and catches atrickle of juice from the corner of her mouth with her thumb

AND OH!!!! THE PAINTING!!!!

ok so you know how jubilee paints?? she did a portrait of DeLune that she purposely left unfinished to represent that all things are a work in progress and GOD can you tell how much i love them yet they’re so good

but god, all i want is for them to be happy together. that’s all i want. i love them so much it hurts me

ok let’s get into those AUs

ok so. the aus. i made a list here of those aus but on one of them we’ve gotten real deep man

ok so. we havent gotten too deep into vampire/vampire hunter au but?? there’s some choice symbolism

i initially thought of DeLune as the vampire and Jubilee as theperson sent to kill her but they fall in love and run away together. the symbolism would be pretty choice here, DeLune representing the night (as her name means moonlight) and Jubilee with her divine connection to the sun, right

but I’vethought about it some more and the other way is also pretty choice like.

Jubilee as a prominent religious figure who had a fall from grace when shewas turned into a vampire. she fled, disgraced and outcast by the religion she had known for her whole life. and DeLune is theperson sent to hunt her down because in this au she’s probably like a goodwizard or something who knows. and so she finds this vampire and DeLune isgoing to bring her back alive, but they fall in love and run away together. but the SYMBOLISM

….Jubilee’s still a cleric of pelor, right. but now the sun burnsher and she can’t find solace in her god. but you know what light doesn’t hurt vampires?

MOONLIGHT

DeLune, symbolically the moon, giving her light and hope in a way thatdoesn’t hurt her. god i love the symbolism with these two its Good

and. then. the au we got deep in right.

crime boss au

an au where Jubilee is the new cop investigating this mob family, and falls in love with DeLune in the process.

one problem.

DeLune, unbeknownst to Jubilee, is the mob boss. she’s the leader of this crime family. she’s the head of the syndicate, and she knows that Jubilee is investigating her.

She, to her credit, tries to dissuade jubilee, tries to turn her away from her path because she knows that whatever happens, the outcome will hurt her. but Jubilee is bound and determined to make a difference, and she doesn’t heed DeLune’s advice

and Celeste shows up?? and she wants to tear this business apart to get her mom out, and her and jubilee team up because even tho jubilee doesn’t know that DeLune is the head of the mob or that Celeste is DeLune’s daughter, they have similar goals

and how does celeste find her, you ask? well. Jubilee lives in kind of a rough neighborhood, and has had her fair share of shitty things thrown at her, right. after Jubilee and DeLune started dating, all that stops.

so celeste tracks where things aren’t happening to determine where her mother has influence, and finds out that this cop is a link.

and then one day they’re working on something and Jubilee just like. stands up and starts getting ready and she’s apologizing and saying she’s late, and Celeste is like “?? late to what??” and Jubilee replies “I have a date with my girlfriend DeLune”

…and that’s how Celeste finds out just how Jubilee is linked to her mother. and god its so good bc she’s just. shocked. like. no. no this. what. 

and so eventually, in this au, Jubilee goes into somewhere undercover to try and find out more about the mob, and gets caught. she’s cornered, on the ground, surrounded by people with guns, and then there’s the clicking of heels on linoleum and there’s DeLune. and all these people who were being threatening just stop

and DeLune kind of helps her up, dusts her off, and leads her out, all in silence, with only a biting retort to one of the henchmen who protests about Jubilee knowing too much. 

and then. hoo this kills me. when theyre out of there and in the car, DeLune just says kind of quietly “Idid ask you not to dig too deep, darling.”

hooo boy that hurts me

so then DeLune takes jubilee back to her house and celeste is there so there’s a mother daughter reunion, and they go inside and jubilee almost just completely fucking loses it and she’s like “you know? if you were just a part of the syndicate i think i could’vedealt with that. but the boss?!” and then she gets real quiet for a moment and just. “how much of it was real? how much of it was you trying toget another cop in your pocket?“

and so celeste just nopes out of there and DeLune and jubilee have a long conversation where Jubilee is passive aggressive and petty to the extreme. 

like DeLune basically tells her it’s easier to deal with when Jubilee’s angry in response to Jubilee losing some of her anger and getting kind of soft over the course of the conversation. so Jubilee’s like. “she wants me to be angry? fine. i can do that”

so she kicks her out of her house

and then soon after that she goes and she takes all of her things out of DeLune’s house. and DeLune has this heartbreaking line of “If you wish very much to be so utterly removedfrom me, only say the word. I will make certain you never see me again.”

and jubilee doesn’t respond. she just leaves. because she knows in her heart she wants to mend things, but at the moment she needs to process everything that’s happening. she isn’t processing it well bc she doesn’t deal with negative emotions well but she’s trying bless her

and so Celeste and DeLune and Jubilee tear down this mafia right, and then. god i love them. so DeLune and Jubilee agree to give it another shot after another long conversation, and that they’ll meet for lunch sometime and see where it goes

and. like in canon DeLune and Celeste’s relationship is strained at best, and so this au reflects that. but in this au i get confirmation that they definitely 100% make up and that gives me Life

so yes, that’s DeLune and Jubilee. god i love them. thank you so much for asking about them, you have no idea how hard i was laughing when i got this message bc i was like “I ACTUALLY TRICKED SOMEONE INTO CARING ABOUT THESE TWO OH MY GOD” and honestly? writing this up was a delight, thank you again for asking this anon!!!

[iamapoopmuffin]

Michael’s Week At Work So Far

[To be updated if anything else horrible happens this week]

So, it’s a show week this week. Opening night Wednesday, performing the next few days (though I'm not in on the Friday since because medical issues) and since we’re now approaching heatwave territory, the heat has been getting to us. So some nice, nasty things that have happened.

Monday

During a run, someone leaned on a fire escape door and it opened. Fire alarm went off as a result. We had to stop rehearsals for over an hour.

One man went to hospital with severe chest pains and vomiting. An ambulance had to be called.

Best friend collapsed. Was fully conscious and refused medical attention because he deals really badly with heat, and collapses a lot in summer, and has done for a long long time, and because it happens a lot he insisted he was fine. Friend Archie sat by him while he recovered and sprayed him with water.

I collapsed (well, my legs gave out) once from medical condition caused fatigue, and fell asleep twice due to the same thing. Luckily never while I was needed (and nobody noticed my legs give out, if they had it would’ve been embarrassing)

There were a lot of water fights and people randomly dousing themselves with water. We got shouted at.

We were told not to practice the dance on the upper rig because it was where the lights made things even more hot than anywhere else in the room. We were told this after waiting in the increased heat level for a good 20 minutes while they got things ready below. We were all pissed off.

All fans were broken. Director asked for fans from I don’t know who, some higher up of some kind. Request was refused.

One of the leads smashed into me as I was bent over (I was meant to be straight standing by this point, but I had to go up third of eight because it was in canon, and person 1 had not yet gone up and never did). I got a bruised arse and he ended up sprawled on the ground. A true professional, he never stopped singing.

My costume tore across the knee when I sat down.

Tuesday

During a run, a woman playing a principle role passed out and had a heatstroke-induced seizure. As she fell, she fell against a fire escape door, setting off the alarm. I was in the green room with Best Friend at the time, but we both went down when we heard the alarm. An ambulance had to be called. Tech peeps said everything was fine and it was just a brief blackout about 5 seconds before panic-running to call for the ambulance.

Best friend left his asthma inhaler in the wings. Best friend had an asthma attack. We were not allowed into the theatre/backstage to retrieve the inhaler (even though he was obviously struggling) because that was where principle role lady had had her seizure, and she was still there, though she was sitting up and saying she felt better. Best friend ended up going to hospital and seizure girl stayed at work. Both are fine now.

Fire alarm went off again when someone closed the fire escape door.

Somebody fell off the rigging, which was scripted, but he was supposed to be caught. He almost wasn’t because one of the people supposed to catch him went to hospital the day before with severe chest pains and vomiting. Somebody ran in at the last minute. Not sure guy on rigging even noticed.

A girl started feeling too nauseous to continue, partially because she hadn’t eaten all day. She claimed it was because she didn’t have a chance to eat.

We got fans from whoever refused them before because of principle’s collapse.

Nobody could concentrate fully on the rehearsal after all this shit. Except principle girl who was hella rad throughout.

Wednesday

All people who were hospitalised previously returned to work today.

A piece of small moving set lost a wheel while people were on it. No injuries were sustained. This was at the beginning of a run. Rest of run was done without it, improvising travelling wherever it was used before.

Fire exit doors were opened. Alarm did not go off.

We got a fucktonne of fans.

Someone left while still mic’d up. We can only assume she took mic 3 on an epic adventure filled with dragons and giants who are also tree people.

My costume tore again. I think it’s too small.

I purposely dehydrated myself so I wouldn’t be desperate for the toilet during song 5. I say dehydrated, I usually don’t drink much (it takes me hours to finish one drink unless I’m really thirsty) and it had no adverse affects...

A principle singer and a lead actor both decided they didn’t want to take part after all. Principle singer was because she was feeling extremely ill. Neither said anything to anyone other than fellow actors and both went on anyway.

1 minute before the curtain was due to go up, mic 6 broke. It was repaired in a quick botch job and the arrangement was made that when the main person who needed it for his main song needed it, if it broke agai, someone else would have to sacrifice their mic to him.

Immediately after botch job, every odd-numbered mic broke. Some never came back.

Not drinking did not work and I needed to go during song 7. Luckily I was not in song 7.

Mics kept failing mid-song.

During one dance, literally only one person remembered an entire chorus worth of choreography. Everyone else in that section held a position they weren’t meant to hold. Girl that remembered everything looked like an idiot.

A piece of backdrop fell. A sliver of backstage was visible to the audience. We honestly failed to notice for a while.

A principle singer started vomiting profusely outside the fire exit.

Towards the end of the interval, someone asked me to pass some props from the prop table. Or rather, they asked if someone would, and everyone looked at me because I was closest to the table, though someone else was stood in the way so I couldn’t move to the part of the table the wanted props were on and had to awkwardly lean (good thing I’m tall af). Because of this and my dyspraxia, I misjudged my grip and position of my hands and did not pick everything up in one go. Girl who asked for props was okay with that. Girl stood in the way flipped her shit. Started shouting at me for not picking everything up in one go despite knowing damn well I’m dyspraxic, and knowing I have severe and untreated anxiety and PTSD. She was just looking for someone to take her shitty mood out on. I had a panic attack (but not a hyperventilation one which is a new experience for me) and could still dance but could not sing or change my facial expression and probably looked super terrified and like I was about to cry. It hit its worst after we were backstage after the curtain call. TL;DR, I spent the entire second half of the show having a panic attack.

Turned out mics were failing because of mobile phone interference within the theatre.

People, supposed professionals, were shouting backstage.

There was supposed to be a runner for people going to the green room to free up space backstage for those who needed to be onstage soon. The runner was to go up and tell those waiting in the GM what numbers were coming up. Runner sat in one place for the entirety of the play and did not do their job.

Thursday

Staging repaired, Lead that didn’t want to go on yesterday got over his anxiety attack, weather was a lot cooler...All was well. Until the fire nation attacked.

Best friend’s voice had gone hoarse. He got so stressed by this that he threw a water bottle at the rig that formed some of the set.

Overbooking happened. Admin error.

Mic 5 failed.

People kept walking through the one piece of curtain we were specifically told not to walk through.

Something fell off the onstage rig. Twice.

Best friend’s voice started to go during song 7 (his first solo of the play). Dewey plays main villain. He has several solos in several songs in this rock opera musical. He was so obviously hoarse and struggling in the later songs. I felt so bad for him.

Two people had to duck out due to feeling very ill.

Two people burst into tears after a song. Dewey and I were in the green room at the time and so have no idea what happened. We at first thought a lead actress had been injured because the moment she came off someone was with her, sitting her down and giving her water, but she was fine. All we heard was ‘something went wrong’, but it was a small enough something that other actors and actresses were complaining about the crying actresses. I assume the stress just got to them.

Mic 3 failed.

Person who remembered the dance everyone else forgot yesterday did not do the dance section everyone forgot. Nobody else did that section either. Everyone held the position they were not supposed to hold.

Dewey’s voice is now completely blown out. Understudy will have to take villain role tomorrow.

I will not be at work on Friday.