#its like. this is all neutral to me idc!!!!!
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mothbeasts · 3 months ago
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sometimes complaining to my mom feels like walking on eggshells to not use a word she finds "offensive" towards myself it's awful
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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scummrevisited · 9 months ago
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im surpised he/she pronoun pins are so hard to find since ive seen a lotta people using he/she pronouns. though i could just be running in a VERY particular circle
yeah im thinkin something like that, it seems like he/she on its own isnt often seen as a common set, and a lot of ppl seem to think 'they' is always attached to it bc surely any not binary person uses some form of they or gender neutral pronouns which like. no not all of us do
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hwanswerland · 10 months ago
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I was tagged by fellow hwa enthusiast @seonghwacore, thank you Ann! 😊
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I've not been around so idk who's already done it. Sooo not tagging anyone but do feel free to interpret that as me tagging you if you wish to shsgsgs
idk if im supposed to share my screens here now ahsgsg. my lockscreen is my horse looking dramatically into the distance, and homescreen is this cool sunrise I saw on my holiday in Jan
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actually have some more pics bc I thought it was so pretty (even though I had to get up at like 5am for this)
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etherealkissed88 · 1 year ago
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“ive been persisting for a year and my 3d still hasnt conformed!” 𓆩✧𓆪
stop TRYING to get shit in the 3d! trying will not get you anywhere but experiencing more trying! remember the 3d reflects self! if you are assuming/being the one who is trying and waiting for shit to conform then what do u expect? more of that will reflect…
𓆩���𓆪 if you have been “persisting for a year,” i can assure you two things:
thing 1: you were persisting in what you dont want/fears/doubts & identifying w them
thing 2: you were not being the version of you who already has it / you were not being in the state of the wish fulfilled
thing 1: persisting in what you dont want/fears/doubts: you can have all the doubts you want, but when you identify w them / persist in them, then you flop. when u assume/do techniques, you are choosing to identify as another version of you. key word = identify ->
if i identify as the version of me who is living my dream life, does it make sense to look at a doubt and identify w it? or assume the doubt has bad meaning? no. it makes sense that i move on from it bc i already identified as the one who has it. the doubt is just there, neutral.
continuing to identify w the version of you who has it regardless of the 3d
= persisting
= applying the law
persisting = continuing to hold an idea or identity as true even when you manifest it, you will still be persisting in it because you will continue to hold it as fact. you are always persisting in something.
𓆩★𓆪 “how to not identify w a doubt?”
1) move on from it. focus on something else. ur only job is to assume it in the 4d only. if you feel lack, dont panic, feel the doubt & when ur ready, change self/states theres no need to push urself into anxiety. ur desire isnt going anywhere. relax.
2) identify as the one who has it. when u truly identify as the one who has it, any doubt would seem worthless.
𓆩★𓆪 “how to identify w it?”
assume that is ur identity already in imagination. its a simple decision. techniques are there to help to so use them to satisfy yourself in imagination, not to see 3d change. i say this because you need to get out of this 3d trap ->
3d trap = you assume you have something & feel good and then when you look at the 3d, you let that make you feel like shit
solution: know the 3d is always neutral and only you add meaning to it + know the 3d literally reflects imagination + focus on satisfying ur inner self only
sweet gentle reminder: STOP TRYING AND START BEING! YOU DUMBASS CUNT
thing 2: not being the version of you who already has it / not being in the state of the wish fulfilled. state of wish fulfilled = you know you have it already (in imagination); nothing in the 3d can change that
there are infinite versions of you (rich you, broke you, sexy you, business woman you, 100k followers you, annoying you). your job (or should i call it privilege) is to choose one version of you and identify with it in imagination and boom its done.
1. choose the version of you that you want to be
2. identify w it in imagination (via techniques to satisfy your inner self)
3. know its a fact because you just experienced it in the real reality (imagination aka inner self)
4. know any fake illusions of reality (3d) are neutral
𓆩★𓆪 in summary, if you are aware of it not reflecting after persisting for 100 years, you are saying that your senses & 3d mean more than inner self (even tho the 3d is a reflection of inner self). stop forgetting that it is all neutral. it is all inner self reflecting! CHANGE SELF!
𓆩★𓆪 the 3d is a form of inner self so it makes common sense to go to the source and change self (imagination). idc about how long youve been persisting bc if you were rly doing ur job and assuming it in imagination, you would know you are god who has whatever she claims in an instant.
from my sexy twitter thread (click da rainy cloud): 🌨️
kisses, jani 𓆩★𓆪
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3rachaslut · 1 year ago
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Hi! I was wondering if you could write something about Felix being all cute and soft during the day but then the opposite during the night? basically sub in the streets dom in the sheets Lix :>
a/n: thinking about day and night felix has my mind in SHAMBLES GDAFWV
felix x gender neutral reader
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warning: fluff and and SMUT MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!!! pet names, choking, slapping, gagging, crying, spitting in mouth, marking. i think that’s it
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day
tickles up and down your thigh in front of the members just so they know that you're all his.
writes you little letters for after he leaves the house each morning because he doesn't want to wake his angel up from their sleep. "Good morning my love, i hope you have a great day! I've headed to work but i will text you as much as i can. See you tonight darling. I love you"
sings you to sleep each night and rub your head until you fall asleep, kissing your forehead softly to not wake you.
runs a bath for you both with so many bubbles and would definitely blow bubbles all over you. you would both be laughing until the water turns cold "You look like a cute santa with a bubble beard" *cute laugh*
bakes for you when you've had a bad day and you two spend the nigh cuddling and watching your favourite series.
idc what anyone says- felix loves eskimo kisses so much!!
indoor picnics when its raining with your favourite playlist on, the sound of rain bouncing on the windows as he feeds you brownies aww.
would laugh and tease the members for even looking at you "I know they're beautiful but get your own partner, they're MINE!"
compliments you every! single! time! he sees you no matter what you're wearing "lix, you've seen me in this outfit before love" "you must just be getting prettier and prettier then"
sends you the cutest pictures of him looking sad and captions them "I MISS YOU :("
night
shoves your head so far down on his cock that you're gagging on it, blow bubbles around his dick and heaving "Such a good slut for me aren't you?"
yanks your hair each time you moan as he kisses and bites up and down your neck, leaving marks all over you.
grabs your throat so tight as he shoves his dick into you so slowly. you'd be begging so so much for him to just fuck you and he'd tell you to shut the fuck up- "Patient sluts get rewarded so stop being so desperate and i'll give you what you fucking want"
spanks your ass so hard as he's drilling into you until you're crying and begging him to go slower so you can adjust. "I thought this is what you wanted baby hm? Stop being so fucking ungrateful"
leaves finger print marks all over you to claim you as his own omg
spits in your mouth. and demands you to swallow it, slapping you once you comply.
bends you over the edge of the bed so you are facing the mirror in your shared room and yanks your hair back, forcing you to look at yourself. "Look at yourself or I stop"
DEGRADES YOU SO MUCH OMG (just thinking about it makes me wet)
makes you beg for him to cum inside you like a cum slut "say it baby.. say 'please felix, breed me' "
grabs your neck and forces you to look into his eyes as you cum around his cock.
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spiderlilypetals · 5 days ago
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pairing: caleb x you/reader, gender neutral terms, no use of y/n or pronouns
a/n: hello another self indulgent because that's how we roll on here, idc idc. just thinking about shotgunning with caleb gets me melting and well, i'm always a sucker for reassurances, especially when getting to give it.
cw: recreational drug use (marijuana)
word count: ~1.2k (AO3 link)
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it was time for the clear daytime skies to dip down and welcome the darkness of the night, dripping with stars marginally visible by the naked eye. still, the notion that they are still there was enough to blanket you with a sense of comfort. it was like playing hide and seek, with the stars peeking in every now and then.
your legs outstretched over the arm of the couch as your eyes focus on the ceiling as the darkness continues to enshroud the entirety of linkon city and before you know it, your entire living room is clouded in darkness, save for the dim light of the moon rays shining through the window.
you ease up into a sitting position, swinging your legs over to rest your feet on the softness of your carpet and lean forward, gathering the ground indica into the paper to roll up a blunt, your tongue swiping across the material of paper to seal it and your lighter finishing the job by drying it as the flames run across it to dry it before lighting up the end, taking a long drag from it.
inhale. 
exhale.
you ease up from your couch, opening the door to the balcony and step out, letting the light breeze of the air brush against your skin, welcoming you into the breath of fresh air. you take another hit, then another, soon your mind eases into a chill state of mind and you exhale a breath you didn't realize you were holding prior to all of this.
with you having been so deep into your thoughts, you don't notice another presence behind you, stepping slowly before his arms wrap around your waist, his chin finding its spot to nestle right on top of your shoulder. you can feel his body relax immediately, all tension from the day's work melting away by just your presence. 
"i'm home, pipsqueak..." he announces with a soft, but tired tone in his voice. 
and yes, he is home as he gives your waist a gentle squeeze, as if reassuring himself that he is in fact home with you in his arms.
his head no longer up in the clouds or filled with the fleet's words.
just you and him, with the night sky coupled with the moon as your witness.
you instantly melt in his arms, leaning back to rest your head against his shoulder as you close your eyes, your free hand not holding the blunt rests over his arms, giving them a gentle squeeze.
"welcome home, caleb... i missed you," you whisper just as he cups your chin to turn your head, letting his lips capture yours in a sweet kiss as smoke escapes between both your tiers.
he smiles against your lips. soft, warm, and inviting before he plucks the blunt from your hold and takes a drag of his own, letting the smoke fill his lungs as his free hand moves to the back of your head, fingers tangled in your soft hair as he holds your head in place, blowing out the smoke slowly.
your lips part to welcoming the substance, inhaling it just as caleb crashes his lips against yours once more. the two of your sharing a passionate kiss in between smoke before he's guiding you back into your apartment, and refusing to break from the shared kisses. 
eventually the back of his legs touch against the couch and he's falling back with you following suit, the only time the two of you break the passionate kiss was to grab some needed air, and this allow yourself to settle properly on his lap, both knees resting on either side of him as your arms wrap around his neck, resuming the kiss. 
and this. this is all he truly needed, and what you needed. the presence of one another, lost in the haze of marijuana coursing through both your systems, the shared kisses, the tango of your tongues against one another like practiced choreography and your hands running along each other's bodies, mapping out the curvatures and dips, committing everything of each other's by memory.
he wants to sear everything about you into his memories. over and over again. so the moment he closes his eyes, you're there. because you are the one who keeps him grounded. you're the one that pulls him when he gets too high up in the clouds, inching closer to the sun. you're the one that keeps him on the path he needs to be on in order to get back home to you.
he pulls back for much needed air, your breaths mingling as he cups your cheek, his thumb gently stroking the soft skin as his purple hues gaze up into yours. dazed, tenderness and a sense of never-ending yearning. and it's that simple and complicated at the same time, a perfect balance only the two of you have accomplished.
you take his right hand into yours, lifting it up as his eyes widen and there's hurt in the gaze he gives, a torturing reminder that he can't feel you fully like he did before, thoughts in his mind swirl like a storm and when he tries to pull that arm away, you hold onto it tighter and guide his left hand to rest on your hips.
"pipsqueak, what are you doing? you know i can't feel you—" 
but before you can allow him to complete that sentence, you press your finger against his lips, easing it away for a moment just to dip your head down to kiss him softly. you lean back and brush your fingers along his arm and caleb simply waters with confusion in his eyes, his brow knitting ever-so-slightly.
"and you hate it, right? and i thought i did too, but..." you whisper as you take both his hands and hold them in front of you. "you see, that would mean i hate parts of you." you state, your eyes then locking onto his before you kiss the back of both of his hands. 
"and well, that's not true. because no matter what, caleb... i will always love every part of you, even the ones you can't feel me with anymore, and i hope..." you continue with a soft sight, a smile so tender it makes caleb's do backflips as he leans in, as if wanting to hear more. 
these words he knew he needed to hear, but didn't know how to ask for or didn't feel he could ever ask for. 
"i hope that knowing that much is enough for you to feel the warmth even without the physical aspect of it."
your voice is tender and sweet, his eyes shining against the brush of the moon's light through the window. you cup his face and brush your thumb against his cheek and he's melting. 
mentally, physically, and emotionally.
a connection he thought was severed had always remained right where it was before. in your heart and his. 
caleb chuckles and shakes his head as he tilts his head down momentarily. you reach to cup his chin and tilt it back up, only love and pure devotion spells in his purple eyes, all just for you. 
"you always knew what to say to me to get my head out of the stormy clouds, huh?" he whispers and simply gazes at the beauty that is simply you.
and you nod, placing a chaste kiss upon his lips before whispering against them. "of course, how else would i make sure you're right where you belong? with me."
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roseghoul26 · 10 months ago
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Charles Smith x gn!Reader
"Keeping your hand on his cheek, your lips brushed the shell of his ear. 'Although, I do think you looked rather beautiful.' He practically shuddered, a pleased smile on your mouth as you leaned back again. Keeping only a few inches between your faces, you watched as his eyes flicked down to your lips before returning up. 'Yeah?' You don’t think you’ve ever heard his voice so low." Synopsis: A brush with hypothermia forces you and Charles to camp out in an abandoned cabin. Having to resort to some more intimate means of survival, will you be able to keep your feelings in check for the hunter, or will the proximity force you to confess?
Tags: Fluff, Smut, Friends to Lovers, Hypothermia, Huddling for Warmth, yes this is a cuddle for warmth fic, idc if its cheesy, Oral Sex, Gender-Neutral Reader, Fem Anatomy for Reader, Face-Sitting, Love Confessions, but in a twist its not the reader who gets frozen, surprise!
Author's Note: listened to chappell roan the entire time while writing this (hence the title). i also got so distracted by stardew valley my addiction has returned also, there’s a moment where the reader touches charles’ hair. as a non-indigenous person, i’m not fully educated when it comes to hair and the importance it holds in native american culture. i did research, but i could still be wrong. if i have made any errors, please let me know, and i will change it. 
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If you never had to see snow again, you’d die happy. 
Tightening the fur coat around your body, you tried to preserve what heat you had left in you. The cold air of Colter was like a leech, sucking you dry of any warmth and joy. And it wasn’t just affecting you, you noticed. Glancing around the room, everyone seemed to be in a similar situation, with as many furs and clothes on their bodies as they huddled around the laughably small fire. 
The gang had been in Colter for about a week, hiding away from the law after the disaster that was Blackwater. You don’t remember much from that day, most of it a blur in your memories, but you remember the bloodshed. Pointless, ruthless bloodshed. You hoped you’d never see something like that again. 
Shivering, you almost regretted giving your extra jacket to Abigail, who had wrapped it around Jack. You were only feet from the fire, but it might as well have been hundreds of miles away with the way it was doing nothing to warm you. With a huff, you rubbed your fingers together, simply sitting and passing the time until someone asked you to do something or you had to go back on guard duty. That was all you could do, really, the snow and remote location making it impossible for you to do your normal robbing and thieving. 
There were many times during this week that you’d debated leaving the gang after you all made it out of Colter. You’d only joined about a year and a half ago, Dutch personally inviting you to his group after hearing about your notoriety across the states. Sure, it was nice to have a group like this, but this wasn’t what you signed up for, especially the events at Blackwater. You were promised opportunity and freedom, not brutality and hiding and cold-blooded murder. You wondered, would it be easy to slip away?
Sighing, you slumped forward, and your  legs were numb from sitting on the hard floor. You were on the precipice of coming to a decision, but there were still some things preventing you from taking the leap. You’d become somewhat close with the members of the gang, your lone wolf attitude dissipating as you created bonds with the others. It was easy to get along with Arthur, the two of you becoming fast friends, frequently doing jobs together. You spent most nights chatting with the girls in camp, chatting until late in the night. You respected Hosea, and even Dutch for some time, the recent events shattering that respect for him. To some degree you’d created a connection with each member of the camp, keeping you tethered to one place. 
There was one person in particular, however, that kept pushing those thoughts of leaving out of your mind. Charles Smith, the taciturn hunter that you’d become weirdly fond of these past few months. You’re not sure what you’d call your relationship with the man. The two of you were friendly, maybe even friends. When Dutch sent you out on jobs together, it always ended well, working together quite decently, if you’d say so yourself. 
Still, you wished you were closer with him, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. You found it hard to try and initiate conversation with him, never quite knowing what to say that wouldn’t make you seem like a fool. And when you would talk to him, it felt like you were just talking at him, but if he was annoyed by you, he never showed. He’d just politely nod along, adding a few words here and there. 
But you knew he didn’t dislike you, finding him frequently looking at you around camp, just silently observing. Whenever you’d catch him, he’d just give you a polite smile, before turning away to do something else. Every time he did it, you found yourself grow bashful, your heart skipping in your chest. His starting was certainly not helping the infatuation you had with him.
Yes, your stupid heart had fallen for him, making it hurt to even entertain the idea of leaving. It was ridiculous and irresponsible to have feelings for him, and you knew that. They’d been there since he joined, and you figured that they would’ve gone away by now, but that was months ago. You’d never met a man like him before, someone so strong and fearsome, yet honorable and kind at the exact same time, and you figured that’s why you were so drawn to him.
Arthur knew about your feelings for the man, drunkley telling him during a night out at the bar in Blackwater a few months ago. He almost said something to Charles, who was somewhere in the same bar that night, claiming that ‘this life is unpredictable’ and ‘you gotta do somethin’ before it’s too late’, but you quickly shut that down with a swift kick to the shins. But that didn’t mean he stopped asking you if you’d done anything yet, and each time you’d respond with ‘no’. 
You knew that Charles didn’t think of you that way. You’re unpredictable, reckless, fiery, everything opposite of what Charles is. Where you were chaos, he was calm. Fire, water. And you didn’t want to ruin what relationship you had with him, so you kept your mouth shut (and never got too drunk around him).
A gust of sharp cold wind and the creak of a door broke you from your thoughts, a shiver wracking your body as you turned to see who just entered the cabin. In some cruel timing from the universe, the man who had just been haunting your mind walked in, a fresh dusting of snow hitting the ground as he shook out his jacket. A chorus of greetings came from the group collected around the fire, a gentle smile coming from you before you turned back to face the fire. Charles calling out your name had you slowly turning to him again. 
“Will you go hunting with me? The deer me and Arthur caught didn’t last as long as we’d hoped.” You now noticed the bow in his hand, along with a small quiver of arrows.
“I mean, sure,” you stood up, your cold muscles aching as you stretched, “but I ain’t much of a hunter, ya know. I usually end up scarin’ away animals instead of catchin’ ‘em. The others might be more well-suited for this.”
“But I’m asking you. And I can’t exactly do it myself.” Charles held the bow and arrows out for you to grab. “Is that a yes?”
“Yes.” Not like I could ever say no to you, you thought as you took the weapon and slung it over your shoulder, and secured the quiver on your hip. “Let’s go.”
With a nod, Charles opened the door, holding it open to let you step outside into the harsh Colter weather. Wincing at the bright light bouncing off the white snow, you were temporarily blinded as you made your way to where your horses were, Charles not far behind you. A light snowfall came down around you as you walked, not terrible visibility wise, but enough to be obvious. You just hoped that it wouldn’t pick up later. 
There was probably a good foot-and-a-half of snow on the ground, making your movement sluggish and awkward. From what little you knew about tracking, though, it meant that it would be easy to pick up an animal's track, so for that you were somewhat grateful. 
It didn’t take long for you to reach your horses, and you went to mount up, only to notice that your horse just wasn’t there. Spinning around, you looked to see if maybe she got unhitched and wandered somewhere nearby, but there was nothing. Whistling, you waited a few moments, seeing if you’d hear the sound of hoofbeats and winnings, but there was nothing. She was just gone.
As Charles mounted, looking equally as confused as you were, you turned and  looked to see who was currently on guard duty, thinking maybe they had seen something. “Javier!” You called out, the poor man nearly jumping out of his skin at the sudden loud noise. “Where’s Hera?”
“Arthur took her!” He shouted back, and you couldn’t help groaning in annoyance. I’m gonna kill you, Arthur Morgan. 
“And you let him?” Javier had made his way over to you now, and you saw him open his mouth to respond, but you stopped him with a wave. “Nevermind, it’s not your fault or your responsibility. I’m just… frustrated.” You took a deep breath, and a cloud left your lips as you exhaled.  “Where’d Arthur go?” You heard the ground crunch behind you as Charles approached on Taima. 
“I dunno,” Javier shrugged. “Him, Dutch, Micah, and Bill went out a few minutes ago, he’s been borrowing everyone else’s horse since his died. Guess it was Hera’s turn.”
“Well, shit,” you sighed, crossing your arms. “You don’t reckon they’ll be back soon, right? Maybe they forgot somethin’?” You missed the way Charles let out an amused huff, your back facing him as you conversed with Javier. 
Javier lightly chuckled. “Look, if you need to go, I’ll let you use Boaz for a bit. It’s not like I’ll be needing him for a bit,” he gestured to the repeater currently in his hands. “If anything happens to him though…” he threatened, gesturing again to the weapon in his hands.
You were about to respond, but Charles beat you to it. “Or you could ride with me. If you’d like.”
You tried to keep your face neutral as you turned to respond, but you had to stop and glare at Javier who was sniggering. Apparently your facial expressions weren’t as subtle as you believed. Thank God you had your back turned, then. 
You turned again, and when you weren't so rudely interrupted by Javier’s childish antics, you responded to Charles. “Are you sure?”
He extended his non-injured hand to you as he nodded. “We gotta get moving though. Only a few hours of sunlight left.”
“Alright.” You linked your hand with his, letting him help you on to the back of his horse with ease. Javier had long since left, already halfway back to his guard post, not before giving you a knowing smile. As you wrapped your hands around his waist, you tried and failed to keep your breathing even, your heartrate picking up substantially. 
Sighing, you refrained from resting your head against his back. This was pure torture, but you knew you were going to enjoy it.
Thank you, Arthur Morgan… I’m still gonna kill you, though. 
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
He wasn’t quite sure why he offered to let you ride with him on Taima; he was just making it harder for himself to stay away from you. He scolded himself, because someone else had your heart, and he would just end up hurting his own if he kept doing things like this. 
The two of you had sped out of Colter, Charles setting a brisk pace that made the air bite at his skin. The pain was good, as it distracted him from thinking of you. You, who subconsciously shifted closer to him to shield yourself from the air. He felt you adjust behind him until his larger frame was shielding you entirely. 
He expected you to have started talking by now, making some comment about the weather or cursing Arthur out. When you didn’t he felt himself start to grow a bit panicked. Did I make you uncomfortable? Is this too much?
He kept his voice steady, and he gently called out your name. “You’re awfully quiet.”
“I figure that must come as a relief.” 
I could listen to you for hours, he thought. I don’t ever want to stop hearing your voice. “Are you alright?”
He felt you shift behind him, your hands tightening where they sat on his waist. Your touch wasn’t even improper, yet he still found his breath hitching in his throat. Charles just prayed that the howling winds around the two of you drowned it out. “I think so. It just… this place is really terrible.” When he nodded in agreement, you continued. “And I’ve got a lot on my mind. Blackwater, the gang, my future… It's a little bit overwhelming.”
“Do you…  want to talk about it?” He offered, and you sighed. 
“I… I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout Blackwater, ‘bout everything we did wrong, what we should’ve done differently, the choices we made. But I especially can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout that girl that Dutch murdered. The way he killed her, no mercy or falter, I ain’t even seen nothin’ like that from him before. Or maybe I chose to look away before…” you trailed off.
“You’re not the one who pulled the trigger. Dutch is the only person guilty of that.”
“Maybe I didn’t pull the trigger, but I’m sure as hell ain’t innocent. I could’ve- should’ve done somethin’. There was plenty of time for me to.”
“Don’t go beating yourself up about the past. The only thing we can hope to do is learn from it and continue on towards the future.”
“But the future is just as terrifying as the past! I’m scared for the gang, for its future. We’ve become so bloodthirsty, and now all Dutch talks about is revenge.” Your voice was becoming more and more distressed. “Is that what we’ve turned into? A bunch of no-good killers who think with their guns? I ain’t- I don’t wanna be that. That ain’t what I joined up for.”
Charles didn’t know how to respond to that. He’d noticed that shift in the gang over the last few weeks, the members become quicker to jump to violence and bloodshed. He wasn’t a saint, the blood on his hands equal to yours, but he was even becoming disturbed by the amount of unnecessary killings happening. 
“I’m thinkin’ ‘bout leaving.” Your voice was barely a whisper, like you were ashamed to say it. Charles stilled, shock running through his system. “Once we get out of here. This… this isn’t what I wanna do. I don’t wanna be associated with the Van Der Linde gang if it’s gonna continue heaidn’ in the direction it’s goin’. And I don’t wanna find myself at the end of a lawman’s barrel, noose ‘round my neck.”
“Oh.” Charles found himself at an impasse; did he just keep his mouth shut, or say something that might reveal too much? If you truly wanted to leave, then he didn’t want to guilt you into staying by revealing his true feelings. He understood why you wanted to leave, those same thoughts frequenting his mind as well, but he’d found a reason to stay: you. He hadn't told Arthur that when he asked why Charles was still hanging around a few days ago. His conversation with the other man when they hunted had solidified his stay with the gang, for better or for worse.
Did you feel the same way? You fool, Charles chastised himself. They don’t want you that way.
“Does anyone else know?” 
“No,” you sighed. “You’re the only one.”
A selfish part of him was glad that he was the only one that knew, but he quickly pushed those thoughts away. “Well,” he began, “the only thing I can say is to not do something that you’ll regret… and just know that there’s a lot of people here that will really miss you if you decide to leave.” I will miss you so much that it hurts.
He felt your head connect with his back as you slumped forward, and he jolted at the contact. “Why can’t you just make the decision for me, Charles? I trust your judgment.”
Stay. Please, stay, he screamed in his head. “I can’t tell you what to do, how to live your life. Unfortunately, the decision comes to you,” was his reply. 
“You’re right. You’re always right, Charles,” you laughed half-heartedly. “I haven’t made up my mind yet. Still got a ways until I have to.”
“Whatever decision you come to, I’ll support you.” Liar. “Just… don’t leave without saying goodbye, you hear?”
“I promise. Now,” your usual chipperness returned to your voice, “where are we headin’?”
He explained that he was taking the two of you to Lake Isabella, following the Spider Gorge down. The lake had started to melt, meaning animals were more likely to start coming out as the weather warmed. As the two of you rode, you kept close to him, significantly closer than you were when you left. 
Charles pretended not to notice.
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
There wasn’t much to look at on the ride down. Everything was white, splashes of black rock breaking up the monotonous landscape, and the occasional tree made itself known. There weren’t any animals, not even a rabbit. It was like you and Charles were the only living souls in the area.
You only spotted a couple of buildings, two of them a small cabin that could house one or two people. One was absolutely destroyed, time and weather causing the ceiling to collapse in, only a skeleton remaining. The other still stood, smoke coming out of the chimney, but you had no idea if the occupants were home or not. 
Taking a mental note of the building, before returning your attention back forward. Charles seemed to be content with just riding in silence, so you settled against him, your head nearly resting on his shoulder. You hadn’t meant to spill so much to Charles, and you certainly hadn’t meant to tell him that you thought about leaving. It’s just that you felt so comfortable with him that you couldn’t help the words from coming out, and you felt ten pounds lighter because of it. 
You didn’t want to drag another person into your troubles, especially over something so trivial in comparison to what the rest of the gang was going through. A part of you wanted this to be the moment in all those cheesy romances you read where the love interest confesses their feelings in order to make the main character stay. But this was real life, and this was Charles you were talking about, the man who would put everyone’s needs before his, even if it hurt. And besides, Charles had never done or said anything that gave you the impression that he had feelings for you. From what you could tell, he saw you as a friend, and nothing else.
Right?
God, you were so desperate for the man you held on to. 
He made no comment when you did actually rest your head on his shoulder. If he did ask why, you’d just say you were cold. You knew you just wanted to pretend that he was yours. 
Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. It did little to calm your erratic heart. 
Eventually, the partially frozen Lake Isabella came into view. This area wasn’t too unfamiliar to either you or Charles, having been there a few days prior to dispatch a group of O’Driscolls. Having opened your eyes a few moments prior, you were able to make out a few deer drinking from the newly exposed lake water. You gestured to them, but Charles had already seen them, bringing Taima to a halt behind a large bush.
By this time, the snow had begun to pick up, the sheets coming down obscuring your view ever so slightly. But it wasn’t enough to force you indoors. 
Dismounting as quietly as you could, you readied the bow in your hands, letting Charles lead the way as he snuck closer to them. It was almost supernatural, the way he was able to move so silently. For someone of his stature, you’d never expect him to be able to move so quietly and with such ease, yet here he was. You tried your best to move like him, taking a bit longer as you followed in his footsteps. Charles led you around the edge of the lake, the shore edge mere inches from your feet, occasionally splashing against your shoes. 
Luckily, the deer hadn’t noticed either you or Charles, still drinking without a care in the world. He had stopped by now, moving to the side to let you move ahead. The deer were in range by now, and you only needed to move a few feet closer, making you halt underneath a large tree. The branches drooped under the weight of the snow, a few globs falling off and hitting the ground around you. 
Weirdly enough, you felt at peace. Not because of the hunting, but because of the man who stood a few yards behind you. You felt safe under his gaze, like nothing could hurt you. As you drew the arrow back, you let out a confused noise as the deer suddenly scattered, spooked by something you couldn’t see. 
You turned to look back at Charles, but you realized then that you probably shouldn't've had your guard down so much. A large weight dropped on you from the tree, too heavy and too warm to be just snow. You let out a startled cry, blocking out Charles shouting out your name, panic seeping into his voice. 
Whatever fell on you landed on your back, your face pressed in the snow as you lay on your stomach. It clicked now that there was someone on you, a hand yanking your head back by your hair, warm breath assaulting your face as your attacker spoke. You couldn’t quite make out what exactly he was saying, snow and shock causing your hearing to be spotty. All you were able to make out were a few curses, the word “kill” multiple times, and some racist phrases aimed toward Charles.
Even before the initial shock had worn off, you were fighting back, squirming and moving desperately against the man’s grip. He just laughed, then you heard the unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked. He rested the barrel against the back of your neck, the cold metal pressing against the exposed skin. Dread washed over you, numbing your senses far beyond what the cold could do. With the way the man gripped your head, you couldn’t move it, and you strained your eyes as you looked around, desperate to find Charles. Is he alright? Please, let him be alright. 
You saw a flash of movement out of the corner of your eye, and as soon as the weight was on you, it was gone. An alarmed yell left your attacker as he was tackled off of you, being pushed a fair distance before falling onto the frozen Lake Isabella. Rolling over, your hand fell into the cold water, and you quickly pulled it back.
Standing as quickly as you could, the world spun for a moment, your body confused with the many different orientations you were just in. Pressing your back against the tree for stability, you watched as Charles and your attacker rolled far across the ice. You saw the distinct green handkerchief around his neck, and you couldn’t help the exasperated groan that left you. No matter where you went or what you did, you couldn’t escape the O’Driscolls. 
Shouts from behind you had you spinning around, quickly drawing your revolver, the bow long since discarded on the ground. Three more O’Driscolls came running from the woods, only a few yards away from you now, their cries of alarm coming from the two bodies of their members lying in the snow, which you had just noticed. Keeping your aim steady, you took three shots, the gunshots cracking through the still air. The first one hit right in the heart, the second one finding a home between his eyes, and the third one hit the final O’Driscoll right above the shoulder, merely grazing the skin, and the only non-fatal shot. Still, it caused all three of them to hit the snow.
With the final man falling relatively close to you, you ran over to him. Pulling him up by the scruff of his shirt, you held your revolver right below his chin, the hot metal burning his skin. He could not have been more than eighteen years old, a sliver of childhood innocence still left in his eyes as he stared up at you, fear and pain rendering him mute. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You snarled, pressing the barrel harder into his skin. “Gimme one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right here, boy?”
Your words seemed to go in one ear and out the other, a few tears leaving him as he stared at you blankly. He was shaking, and you wondered how long he’d run with the O’Driscolls for. He was obviously young, and if this was his reaction to being held at gunpoint, you gathered that he didn’t have a whole lot of outlaw experience under his belt. Against every instinct in your body telling you otherwise, you felt yourself loosen your grip on the boy, a pang of sympathy running through you. 
Sighing in exasperation, you holster your gun, a relieved noise leaving him as you did. Glancing forward, you saw two horses hitched to the trees, seemingly the rides that they came in on. “Go,” you waved. “You ain’t even grown.”
“Th-thank you!” He nearly wept, getting to his feet shakily. 
“But if I ever see ya again, especially as a damn O’Driscoll,” your hand hovered above your weapon. “I’ll not hesitate to put a bullet in your head. You hear me?”
“Y-yes.” He clutched at his shoulder. 
“Now go!” you shouted. “Get outta here! Before I change my mind.” As soon as he sped off toward the horses, you turned back toward the lake. Charles stood above your attacker, beating the life out of the man, his face pure crimson. He was using his injured hand, but he paid it no mind. Blow after blow, Charles’s strikes hit true, the thuds echoing across the water.
You really should not have found it as attractive as you did. 
You let yourself watch for a few moments longer, before you were snapping out of it. “Charles!” You called out. Immediately, he was looking up at you, the man below him no longer even on his mind. Wiping away a smear of blood on his cheek, he slowly made his way toward you, his steps slow across the ice. 
Concern etched across his features as his eyes raked over your body, looking for any injury or hurt on you. “Are you alright?” You asked, trying your best to push down the flush of your cheeks as he stalked towards you. He had an almost murderous glint in his eye, his movement predatory; you especially should not have found that attractive. 
“Did he hurt you?” He completely brushed off your question, his eyes wide with panic. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this disheveled and worried before. 
“Only my pride.” You sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Charles opened his mouth to respond, but was promptly cut off when the ground beneath him gave way, the weakened ice no longer strong enough to hold him. Immediately, he was submerged under the water, but luckily he was close enough to the shore that it wasn’t too deep. He reemerged seconds later, sputtering and coughing. 
As soon as you heard the crack of the ice, you were running toward the edge, stepping precariously on the ice. In retrospect, it wasn’t the smartest idea, especially when you started walking towards where Charles fell through, but at the time you didn’t care. All that mattered was getting him out. 
Scanning around, you quickly assessed the best way to save him. The hole that was created was way big enough so he could get his arm up, but as soon as he pressed at the ice it shattered, unable to hold anything. As you stepped closer, you felt it begin to break as well, and you quickly moved back to the shore. 
“Fuck…” your hands went to you head, your gloved fingers pulling at your hair. A large stick from the tree you assaulted jumped down from sparked an idea. Grabbing it, you started chipping away at the ice, smashing and breaking it until a path big enough for Charles to go through was created. Standing at the shore, however, you realized  that neither your arms or the stick was long enough to reach the man, who was starting to get dragged down from the weight of the water in his clothes. 
Quickly unhooking your lasso from your belt, you created a loop for him to grab on to, throwing it at him with an accuracy from years and years of practice. It landed right in front of him, and he grabbed on to it as quickly as he could, his movement sluggish. Wrapping it around your hands, you began to pull him to shore. “Hold on!” you shouted at him, and he let out a noise in response. You’d take that over nothing.
It wasn’t incredibly hard to pull him closer, the water helping carry him over. But once he got to the shore, and you discarded the rope, pulling him up onto the land proved to be almost impossible. Grabbing underneath his arms, you pulled with all the strength you had, the muscles in your back and shoulders crying out in pain, but you paid them no mind. It took an incredible amount of effort, but eventually he was fully out of the water, laying splayed out in the cold snow. 
You didn’t let yourself get a moment to recover, instantly running over to his side. Turning his head toward you, you let out a sigh of relief when you say his eyes flutter open. He was absolutely drenched, his heavy winter gear made even heavier with water, and you watched him begin to shake and his teeth begin to shatter. And, if your luck wasn’t already terrible enough, a full on snowstorm had started, causing cold blasts of snow and wind to pelt your bodies. Chalres shivered even harder, and you let out helped sit him upright. “We gotta get you indoors, and soon. You ain’t gonna-” a lump formed in your throat at the thought. “It ain’t gonna be good for you if you stay out here. I’ll need your help, though. I can’t lift you on my own. Just… just find what energy you can to get up. Please.” You couldn’t help the panic in your voice. To say you were scared would be an understatement. 
You’re not quite sure he fully comprehended what you said, but he started to get up, and you forced him to lean a bit of his body weight against you as he did so. When he was up, you slung his arm over your shoulder, nearly sagging under his weight as he nearly collapsed. You called for Taima, whistlin the same pattern you’d heard Charles use for her. 
Within seconds, the sound of neighing and hoofbeats filled your ears, his loyal steed coming to a halt right in front of the two of you. She let out a worried snort, and you reassured her with some soothing noises. “Alright, Charles. Here comes the worst part.” It took quite a bit of maneuvering and effort, but after a minute Charles sat where you did on the ride there. 
His eyes, which were onced unfocused and confused, had regained some clarity to them, and you heard him mutter out your name. You smiled as reassuringly as you could, before you were mounting up on Taima, sitting in the saddle and the reins in your hands. “Hold on, darlin’.” You were too panicked to notice the name slip out, and you took the gasp from Charles as being from the cold. 
With little urging, Taima moved forward, almost immediately breaking into a gallop. You led her back up the trail, heading toward the cabin you saw on the way down. It would take too long to return back to Colter, and with the way the storm raged around you, you doubted either of you would be able to make it. 
As you rode, you felt Charles slump against you, exhaustion taking over his body. You reached behind with one hand, grabbing his knee and shaking him awake. “I know you hate me right now, but I need you to stay awake for me… please.”
He grumbled something in reply, his speech slurred and indecipherable. 
“I’m gonna talk at you, like I always do,” you tried to joke. “And you’re gonna do what you do, which is nod along and pretend you care. Just… just stay awake. You hear me?”
“I care…” you heard him protest, and you just shook your head.
“Uh-huh.” The wind was biting into your cheeks, and your eyes were watering, but you didn’t dare slow. You filled the couple minute ride with your voice, telling stories of your childhood, or random anecdotes you’d picked up from your travels, to recounting the bar fight you’d gotten into a few weeks prior. Charles, despite being exhausted, kept alert, giving one-word responses from time to time. 
He shivered the entire time, and you couldn’t tell if that was worrying or comforting. Panic was steadily bubbling in your chest, finding it hard to keep focus on your stories. Halfway through the ride, much like you did, he rested his head on your shoulder, burrowing his face into the crook of your neck. You suppressed a surprised noise as you felt the freezing skin against your own, his nose and lips unnervingly cold. 
“Stay with me, Charles.”
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
It was cold. 
Everything was cold.
Could hair get cold? It sure felt like it. Charles had never felt such coldness in his life before, and he never wanted to experience it again.
He should’ve never gone on to the ice, his brain was screaming at him.
But he had led with his heart, shoving the man off you and following him on to the ice. As soon as he had seen you go down, the other man on top of you, it was like time had slowed down. He had seen red, the two men attempting to hold him down quickly meeting their ends at the hands of his fury. 
He prided himself on being able to keep calm in situations, his anger rarely ever taking a hold of him, and it had never happened since he joined the gang. Guess that streak was broken now. Not that he had any regrets.
Well, he had a few.
He should’ve registered the footprints in the snow leading up to the base of the tree. He should’ve noticed something was wrong, should’ve not been so distracted by you. He should’ve said something.
Maybe none of this would’ve happened then.
But he’s just a man, and man is selfish. He was glad this happened.
Without this happening, he wouldn’t have his arms wrapped around your body, his face buried into your neck breathing you in. Without this, you wouldn’t have called him darling, causing his heart to thump erratically in his chest. Without this, he wouldn’t have been able to pretend right now that you and him were more than friends, a fantasy that he had played out a million times in his dreams.
You were talking to him, but he couldn’t make the words out. A shiver wracked his body, and he burrowed deeper. God, he was so cold. And so tired.It would be so easy to just close his eyes, to let unconsciousness wash over him… 
He was jolted awake by a hearty shake of his knee, and he heard your voice break through the fog of his brain. 
You had such a lovely voice. He hated how worried it sounded, and all because of him. Or maybe he was happy you were worried about him. He couldn’t tell. Everything was unclear. The only thing he was certain about was the fuzzy feeling in his chest that grew with each glance and each soft word from you.
He was in love with you.
Stupidly in love, in fact. 
He couldn’t stop himself, the words tumbling from his lips like a freefall. But it came out as gibberish, and he felt you shake your head, unable to comprehend him.
That’s alright. He’d repeat it as many times as you needed. 
And as another shiver tore through him, he felt you rub his thigh reassuringly. Despite the thick material of your gloves, he could feel the warmth of your skin, practically burning against his frosty skin. The butterflies in his chest bubbled to life, and he couldn’t stop the small laugh he let out. 
He was infatuated.
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
The short ride felt like forever, the monotonous landscape that had once been soothing now tormenting you as you searched for the cabin you saw prior. The smoke trail was impossible to spot out in the snowstorm, so you used what limited navigation skills you had to get you there. 
Eventually, the frame of the cabin broke through the sheet of snow, and you nearly cried in relief. You were starting to freeze, and you couldn’t even begin to imagine how Charles was feeling. Taima huffed as you brought her alongside the entrance, the steam from her snout dissipating instantly. Quickly dismounting, Charles nearly fell off when you moved, slowly slipping into unconsciousness. 
“Oh, no you don’t,” you snarled, roughly shaking him awake. Yes, you were threatening the hypothermic man. No, you did not care. You were almost inside, and you were not going to lose him. “Do not pass out on me, Charles Smith. Now, let’s get you off Taima.”
Charles muttered out an apology, his eyes reopening as he struggled to get off. His clothes were starting to solidify, clumps of ice forming across his jacket. You helped as best you could, catching him when his feet made contact with the ground, nearly sending you both to the snow. Again, you slung his arm over your shoulder, your other arm holding your gun as you entered the cabin, ready to clear out any homeowners. 
A blast of heat hit both of you as you creaked the door open slowly, and you heard Charles sigh with relief. A quick scan around proved that it was empty, and you gently set Chalres in front of the still burning fire. You realized now that the occupants were probably some of the O’Driscolls that just jumped you, and the cabin now stood empty for you and Charles. Relaxing slightly, you put away your gun, then added a few more logs to the fire pit, the flames lapping at the wood eagerly. 
To call the cabin small would be an understatement. It was large enough to fit both you and Charles comfortably, but you can’t imagine that the few O’Driscolls camping here temporarily had a lot of legroom . A single twin sized bed was lined up against the wall, cloth and other materials covering the windows beside it. There was a fireplace, a small stewpot, a nightstand, and a chair. Extra sleeping bags and rugs adorned the floor, a few cans of fruits and vegetables scattered across the floor. You saw the occasional empty bottle of alcohol, and you even found a pack of cigarettes. 
Charles seemed to wake some, the warmth of the fire breathing some life back into him. You saw him look around, body still shaking. He looked even worse than you thought, his normally warm-toned skin devoid of any color, and his hair was plastered to his face. As you crouched down in front of him, you went to push back a few strands, your gloves long since discarded, but you refrained. 
“A-Are you alright?” You heard him ask again through chattering teeth, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Even though he saw freezing, likely suffering from hypothermia, he was more worried about your well being.
“I’m not the one who fell into the freezing lake. What were you thinking?” You weren’t angry, your words surprisingly gentle despite the fear in your heart. 
“I-I wasn’t… I-” his body cut him off, shivers wracking his body. 
“We gotta get these clothes off of you,” you picked at the offending garment, the material barely budging. You started to work the heavy coat off his shoulders, the roaring wind outside the only noise.
Suddenly, Charles was grabbing at your wrist, stalling your movement. You were halfway done with taking it off, the water melting off of it coating your hands. “Taima…” you heard him say.
“I’ll go make sure she’s secure,” you quickly rose to your feet. “Just get undressed. We need to get you warmed up.”
Stepping outside, the gusts hitting your body caused you to let out a curse. Taima was  still where you left her, stomping impatiently in the ground, shaking out her coat as she tried to keep warm. When you clicked your tongue, she came prancing over, ready to get out of the wind. 
You led her to the attached stall, which was in pretty decent condition. It blocked out a lot of the wind, and it shared a wall with the fireplace, letting some of the warmth to the horses as well. There was some hay left scattered on the ground, and you took off her saddle, setting it on the stand. You left the horse blanket on, giving her some extra protection. 
When you were done, you moved to leave, and you felt Taima brush affectionately against your head, nuzzling her snout into your shoulder. Laughing, you pet her neck affectionately before she removed herself to continue eating at the hay. Making sure the gate was secure, you headed back into the cabin. 
Charles was still undressing when you entered, his back to you. Even his undershirt was soaked through, the material clinging to his body like a second skin. It was at that point it clicked that the man you were infatuated with was going to be bare before you soon. You found yourself turning away, uncharacteristically embarrassed, shrugging off your own jacket and laying across the back of the chair. If it was any other person, you’d’ve not reacted this way, your lifestyle not allowing for much privacy. But of course it had to be Charles getting undressed in front of you, and you found yourself growing quite warm. 
Taking the lasso from your belt, you strung it across the room, making a makeshift clothesline to hopefully dry his clothes faster. His jacket, which was a wet pile of fur, was the first to be hung up, the rope creaking precariously under the weight. Luckily, it held, and you added each new item as he took it off. 
You made sure not to look directly at Charles, and you saw in your peripheral vision as he worked off his shirt. Your throat was suddenly dry, hands shaky as you continued to hang items up. Why, out of all people, did it have to be Charles? It was like God was tormenting you, giving you what, but keeping it just out of reach. 
You must’ve made a noise, because Charles was turning toward you, concerned. You finally let yourself look at him. He was partially done unbuttoning his shirt, the collar open, but you saw that he was struggling with the small buttons, his fingers barely working. “May I?” you asked, gesturing toward his shirt. The sooner he was out of the wet garment, the better.
He paused for a second, contemplating. “Yes,” he consented, lowering his hand at his side. Stepping forward, your hands resumed his work, quickly undoing the rest of it. Do not make a big deal of this, you repeated in your mind. You were simply helping a friend not die from hypothermia, not unbuttoning the shirt of the person you were hopelessly in love with. He shrugged it off, practically peeling it from his body. You were especially careful to only look him in the eye now, not daring to look at his newly exposed chest. 
Turning your back to him to hang up the shirt, the unmistakable clang of his belt hitting the floor had you stilling. Exhaling shakily, you heard him take off the remainder of his clothes, all making themselves comfortable on the floor. You didn’t dare turn around to grab them. Instead, you headed towards the bed, pulling off the heavy duvet. Walking backwards, you held it out to him behind you. You heard him murmur out a small thanks, taking the blanket from your outstretched arms. 
You gave him a few moments. “Are you… decent?” you asked, keeping your gaze up even with your back turned. When he gave a noise of confirmation, you finally turned back around. After situating his discarded clothing, you gathered some of the canned goods strewn about before setting your boots next to Charles’ beside the fire. You sat down next to him on the various furs and bedrolls. Charles had the blanket wrapped around his body, and you tried really hard to not concentrate on the fact that he was completely bare under the duvet. 
You opened one of the cans with your knife, tossing the lid of it behind you and handing it to the man beside you. “Eat. You need to get your strength up.” You saw him open his mouth to protest, but you cut him off before he could. “There’s plenty of food for the both of us. Now, eat.” You pushed the can of what looked to be sweetcorn in his hand, and he finally took it, tipping it back into his mouth and eating slowly. 
He was still shivering, but he was slowly becoming more and more alert, and his teeth had ceased their chattering. Quickly finishing the can of food, he placed the empty can beside him, rubbing his hands together beneath the blanket. You were looking into the fire, and you could feel his eyes on you. He didn’t say anything, just observing you like he normally did. 
This time, however, it felt like his eyes were picking you apart, like he could see every secret beneath your skin. Clearing your throat, you stood up, gathering up the remainder of his clothing and hanging them up. You were scared that the longer you sat by him, the likelihood of you having to confront your secrets would increase tenfold. “You need anythin’? More food? Water? Coffee?” You asked, drying your hands on your pants. 
“I’m g-good,” he responded. 
“Have you warmed up at all?” He shrugged in response, the action barely noticeable with the heavy blanket around his shoulders. You didn’t bother to hide the concerned frown on your lips as you crouched beside him. Running the back of your hand, you winced when you were met with deathly cold skin. “Shit…” you cursed, pulling your hand away, and you failed to notice Charles chasing after your warmth.
Standing up, you began to pace the room, trying to keep the dread you felt at bay. Your mind was running wild with thoughts, all ending in worse case scenarios. Taking a deep breath, you tried your best to keep calm, just for Charles’ sake. You wouldn’t do him any good if you were freaking out. You tried to think back on the basic first aid you’d learned through the years. Most of the things you’d already done, like getting him out of wet clothing, getting him food, getting him in front of a fire. Was there anything else you could do? Or did you just have to sit and wait and pray that what you did was enough.
You knew Charles was watching you pace, doing nothing to calm your racing heart. You ran your fingers through your hair, a gasp leaving your lips when you finally remembered. Body heat, which means… oh. 
Goddamn it all. 
You hoped you didn’t look too alarmed. It’s not that you were opposed to the idea, but it would make it significantly harder to bottle up your feelings. In fact, doing this might just smash the bottle all together, causing you to spill your heart to him. “So…” you began nervously. How the hell were you supposed to ask this?
“So…?” Charles repeated, raising a brow. 
“I-I… well…” you ran your hand over your face. The wall was looking quite interesting right now. “I was wondering if you’d like… I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anythin’... if you’d like for me to share my warmth?” That sounds so weird. “It’s just, you’re not gettin’ any better… and I don’t want anythin’ to happen to you. I couldn’t bear it.” The last part you whispered, and you doubted he even heard it. 
Something flickered across Charles’ face, too quick for you to recognize. He looked conflicted, and you chewed nervously on your lips. Did I cross a line? Oh God, did I make this weird? He’s gonna hate me-
“I’d like that,” his voice cut off your minds’ rambling. 
Letting out a breath of relief, you gave him a small smile, which he returned. Okay, this is happening. Again, do not make a big deal of this. This means nothing. Your hands, which weren’t steady, began to work at your button up. Charles slowly looked away, his eyes darkening slightly. “I’m not gonna take everythin’ off,” you reassured, taking the look in his eye as concern. Taking your gun belt off and setting it on the bed, your pants and socks were off next, joining the belt, leaving you in only your undergarments. 
Slowly, you approached him, your steps uncertain across the bedrolls and furs. You tried to keep calm, but the reality of what was going to happen quite soon was causing your heart to pound against your ribs. He watched you approach, head turned back around. You couldn't imagine it was comfortable for his neck, but he didn’t seem to mind. 
Finally, you stood in front of him, partially blocking the fire, which caused your shadow to cast over Charles. Without breaking eye contact with you, he pulled the blanket back, inviting you in. Your shadow, thankfully, blocked out any newly revealed skin, but you still found a blush creeping up your neck. 
Without giving yourself a chance to back out, you sat yourself on his lap. With your legs wrapping around his hips, your ankles were barely able to interlock. His following sigh sounded pleased, and you found yourself smiling as he wrapped the blanket around the two of you, creating something akin to a cocoon. He kept his hands braced on the ground beside him, refraining from touching you.
Charles was indeed freezing, and you let out a discontent noise at the contact. “Sorry,” you more felt than heard him say, your faces mere inches apart. 
“I should be the one who’s sayin’ that…” you sighed, and you rested your hands on his shoulders, beginning the process of warming his body back to a normal temperature. “I should’ve been payin’ better attention, then we would’ve never ended up in this mess.” Not that I’m complaining too much. 
The two of you sat together for a few minutes, letting Charles simply enjoy your body heat. “I don’t think either of us were expecting an O’Driscoll to come falling out of a tree.” You heard him say.
“It certainly wasn’t on my list of things to happen today,” you laughed, your hands moving down his shoulders to his biceps. Having him under your touch like this really put into perspective his sheer size. “And neither is this. Any of this. I’m sure you weren’t plannin’ on takin’ a bath in Lake Isabella today.”
“Can’t say I was. But, you-” Charles cut himself off, his eyes widening the tiniest bit. If you weren’t so close, you probably wouldn’t have noticed. You gave him a confused look, and he just shook his head. “It’s nothing. I almost said something foolish,” he tried to dismiss, embarrassment evident on his face.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say somethin’ foolish the entire time I’ve known you.” You tugged at one of his arms, bringing it between your bodies after he shifted his weight on to the other arm. You clasp his uninjured hand between yours, blowing hot air and trying your best to return some life back to the ice cubes that were his fingers. “You know I ain’t gonna tease you for what you say, right?”
“I know,” Charles sighed, but he didn’t elaborate further. You didn’t push, not wanting to wreck this moment between the two of you. You felt him flex his fingers between yours, a relieved noise leaving him as more feeling returned to them. Eventually, you let go of his hand, but it seemed like he didn’t quite know where to put it, hovering a few inches above your waist before returning back to the ground. “You can touch me, Charles.”
You held back a content noise when you finally felt him grasp your waist, his fingers resting on the waistband of your undergarments. Occasionally, his fingers would brush your bare skin, your undershirt having rid up when you had sat down, and you felt goosebumps erupt across your skin. 
Moving to his injured hand, you eyed the now wrecked bandage, blood and water causing the material to practically dissolve. You tsked disapprovingly, and began to peel off the old wrapping, discarding them across the cabin. You were expecting to see the wound completely reopened, especially because of the punches he threw at the O’Driscoll, but were pleasantly surprised to find a pretty much healed injury. It was slightly irritated, sure, but it must’ve been healed for at least a day or two.
“And here I was scared that we’d have to chop off your hand,” you joked, flipping his arm over as you examined the now scar. “This has been healed for a day or two now. You’re probably only gonna have a light scar from this.” Realization dawned on you, and you chuckled. “Charles, you could’ve gone huntin’ on your own today.”
“I could’ve.” He didn’t even bother trying to deny it. “Still, I did want to do it with you, but I could’t just ask. I needed an excuse.”
“You never need an excuse, Charles. I’ll gladly go huntin’ with you, injured hand or not.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
You felt him squeeze your hip gently, a playful grin on his face. It had your stomach doing somersaults, and you tore your eyes away to begin warming up his other hand. It was strange, seeing him so carefree like this. It was a look you’d never really seen on him, but you rather enjoyed it. “Only hunting?” he asked.
“Maybe,” you teased, drawing out the syllables. “Whatcha have in mind?”
“Not quite sure yet. But it’ll just be us.”
“Like a date?” You joked, trying not to sound too hopeful. 
“Sure. Like a date.”
A giddy smile cracked across your lips, and you gingerly kissed the back of Charles’ hand before letting it go, where it immediately joined his other by settling on your waist. Your ears were burning, a flustered blush growing across your body. Here you were, sitting on a naked Charles’ lap, only the thin material of your undergarments separating the two of you, but the thing that made you bashful was him asking you on a date. 
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you rested your head on his shoulder. You felt him chuckle, the hands on your waist moving up your back, keeping your body pressed close to him. The digits were still a bit chilled, but you didn’t mind. The blanket around the two of you was barely hanging on at this point, and you tried your best to keep it around him. Like he did on the horse, you felt him bury his face in the crook where your neck and shoulders connected. 
Although it was significantly less cold than the last time, you still shivered at the contact. You felt his lips brush against the skin, and you could barely feel the light kiss he pressed there, gone in an instant. So many thoughts and emotions were running through your mind at that moment. You mostly felt relieved, your feelings for the man no longer feeling so one-sided. Your mind was so loud, in fact, that you barely heard him mumble something against your skin. You realized that he was thanking you, and you responded with a confused noise.
“You saved my life today. Twice. I haven’t thanked you yet.”
“I wouldn’t’ve just left you, Charles. I couldn’t. I…” you trailed off, a confession ready to leave your lips. The bottle had cracked, its contents spilling out as you tried to damndest to keep it all contained. “If I remember correctly, you also saved me today. Nothin’ good would’ve happened if you weren’t there today.”
You felt him tense, an almost pained sound leaving him. “When I saw you like that… I don’t ever want to see that again.”
You moved back so that you could see him again, and you cupped the side of his face with your hand, relieved to find the skin significantly warmer than it was moments ago. “I’m alright. Thanks to you, I’m safe.” 
He relaxed slightly, but his eyes were filled with so much sadness that it had you frowning. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared before,” he whispered, resting his own hand atop yours. “The best thing in my life, and I almost lost it today.” Both of you seemed surprised by his words, but you didn’t let him backtrack.
“But you didn’t. You are the one who got that man off me, and showed him the error of his ways.”
He chuckled at that, but then another frown adorned his lips. “I didn’t… unsettle you, right? I… I saw your eyes widen after you called me off him. You’re not-”
“Never. I know you’d never hurt me.”
Relieved, you felt him go fully lax under your touch. His whole body had returned to a normal temperature, you noted, the heat under the blanket beginning to become sweltering. With your thumb, you stroked his cheek, feeling the raised skin of the scar across his cheek. He let go of your hand, moving it back to the ground to keep the two of you propped up as you leaned forward. The duvet fell slightly, exposing his shoulder to the air, but he didn’t seem to mind.
Keeping your hand on his cheek, your lips brushed the shell of his ear. “Although, I do think you looked rather beautiful.”
He practically shuddered, a pleased smile on your mouth as you leaned back again. Keeping only a few inches between your faces, you watched as his eyes flicked down to your lips before returning up. “Yeah?” You don’t think you’ve ever heard his voice so low.
You nodded, the fingers on his cheek moving to brush a few strands away from his face. His eyes were dark, pupils blown out but not because of the low light. “I always think you look beautiful,” you murmured. 
He hummed in response, and you felt the hand on your back creek up, resting at the nape of your neck. He didn’t pull you forward, he just held you. “Next to you, however, I imagine I look quite plain.”
“Oh, hush,” you chided while smiling. 
“I’m serious.” You felt him play with the hair at your neck, fingers running lightly through the strands. “It’s distracting, how beautiful you are. Whenever I walk into a room and you’re in there, you’re the first thing I look at, and I can never bring myself to look away. At night at camp, you look so at ease, the fire illuminates your face in a way that makes you look ethereal. I can do nothing but watch you, too stunned to speak. You plague every waking thought, and you haunt my dreams. You’ve unknowingly burrowed yourself into my heart, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
You were at a loss for words, your mouth moving but no words actually came out. Choosing to ignore the way your heart celebrated, you let out an airy chuckle. “I think that’s the longest I’ve ever heard you talk.” 
He laughed. “I can keep it short, if you’d like?”
“I didn’t mean that,” you scoffed. “What could possibly condense all that?”
Charles gave you a look, like he couldn’t believe you hadn’t caught on by now. A part of you knew what he was going to say, but you wouldn't believe it. You needed to hear it from his lips. The hand playing with your hair stilled, the only sound being the crackling fire behind you. 
“I’m in love with you.” 
He said it like it was the simplest thing ever, like it hadn’t just completely flipped your world upside down. He had taken your bottled up feelings and opened it himself. Taking your responding silence as a negative thing, you felt his hand fall slightly, a worried look crossing his face. You didn’t give him much time to worry, pulling him closer with the hand still cupping his face. Your foreheads connected, and your lips were almost brushing. “You mean it?” 
“Of course.”
“Well… for how long?”
“How long have I been with the gang?”
Surprised, you laughed lightly, and he visibly looked confused. “So this entire time, you felt the same way?”
It took a second for him to process your words, a wide grin appearing when he did. “I guess so.” He paused for a moment, and you felt him take a deep breath. “You love me?” He asked, his voice small and uncertain. 
You moved your face back an inch, giving you room to nod. “I do. For the same amount of time, too. I was too scared to say anythin’, I didn’t wanna ruin what we had. And I kinda thought I annoyed you to death,” you chuckled. “But if today reminded me of anythin’, it’s that this life is too unpredictable to have regrets.”
“Arthur gave you that lecture too?”
You rolled your eyes. Of course he didn't heed your warning about not playing matchmaker with you and Charles. But still, you might have to thank him later. “Despite what he claims, he’s a nosy bastard.”
He hummed in agreement, and a silence hung over the room, anticipation heavy in the air. With the lightest touch, you felt him bring you forward with the hand on the back of your head. “I wanna hear you say it,” you heard him ask. 
“I love you, darlin’.” Both hands now cupped his cheeks, and you hovered your lips above his. “Kiss me?”
“Gladly.” You felt his hand move to cradle your head, pulling you in the final distance until your lips were colliding. There was only a hint of chill left on his skin, easily melting away against your warm mouth.  His lips were soft, softer than you imagined, and you let out a pleased sigh. It was a surprisingly quick kiss, and you sucked in a breath when you felt him pull away, his eyes blown out. 
He was also panting, and his fingers wove into your hair, like he was grounding himself. Moving forward, you tried to reconnect your lips, but he moved his head so that your lips collided with his cheek instead. A jolt of panic shot through your body, thinking you horribly misread the situation. “I want… I want this,” he reassured. “But I want to make sure you want this. That you want… me.”
You’d never met a man like Charles Smith, and you’re sure you’d never meet another like him. Never, ever had you heard of or met a man explicitly asking for consent like this, and it got you more excited than you thought it would. “I’ve wanted this for a while now,” you admitted, resting your touch on the junction where his shoulders and neck met. “I’ve dreamed of a moment like this more times than I can count. I want you, Charles. I need-”
In a complete switch up, he crashed his lips against yours, muffling your words. If the first kiss had been gentle and hesitant, this one was hungry and confident, lips eagerly moving against yours. He was practically devouring you, like he couldn’t get enough of you. With every small noise that left you, he seemed to grow more bold, and you felt the fingers in your hair tug slightly. It didn’t hurt, but it caused your lips to part. Within seconds his tongue swept into your mouth, eager to explore you. 
The blanket had long since fallen off, bunched up on the ground surrounding the two of you. Pushing him lightly on his shoulders, you eased him on his back. Your hands planted on his chest when he made contact with the furs, your lips not separating for a moment. He was a pleasant temperature under your fingers, his skin surprisingly soft, just like his lips. You were straddling his waist now, your hands barely keeping you from laying your entire weight on the man. 
He had let go of your head, his hands moving to your waist to keep you secure. His grip was strong, but not enough to leave a mark. A part of you wanted him to, but you didn’t say anything. If he wanted you like you wanted him, then there would be a next time.
Rocking your hips, you felt a growing hardness barely separated by your thin undergarments. You felt him groan when you did so, and he tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth. When he moved his head away to suck in some air, your hands snaked back up his neck, nearly covering his ears. You’d thought your attempts at warming him up were fruitful, but when you felt how cold his ears were, you made a concerned noise, your lust temporarily forgotten. “Your ears are freezing…”
He looked like he couldn’t care less, but then a mischievous smile crossed his face. “You gonna warm them up, then?”
“What do you think I’m tryin’ to do?” You giggled, and you made sure that your hands fully covered them. You had easy access to his lips, and you gave him a quick kiss. 
“Not with your hands, my love.”
You smiled at the endearment, but his statement confused you. Cocking your head to the side, you moved your hands off his face, settling them back on his chest. “What-?”
You didn’t get to finish your question, the hands on your hips effortlessly pulling your up toward his face. Your knees now straddled the sides of his head, your thighs practically where your hands were, covering his ears. You looked down at him with wide eyes, a flush creeping up your neck at the implications. Surely he doesn't want that, right?
Charles let out a satisfied noise, and with his hands now on your thighs he eased you on to him. You let him, but you kept a few inches between his mouth and your body. He genuinely seemed upset by that, and you felt him press a quick kiss to the inside of your thigh, causing a shiver to run through your body.
“Please, let me taste you,” he pressed another kiss to the inside of your legs, this one closer to your aching center. If he moved any closer, he was bound to feel your wetness through the fabric. “I want you to fall apart on my face.”
You exhaled shakily. “You want to?” You asked, almost in disbelief. This man was unreal.
He nodded, the action causing his chin to brush against your center. “Let me make you feel good, my love.” When he pulled you down again, you didn’t keep any distance between the two of you. You felt him press a kiss to your clothed center, a smug grin on his face when he felt your arousal. He didn’t say anything, just pulling you down closer to his face until your legs were fully wrapped around his head, no space between the two of you. 
You felt his tongue flick out, simply tasting you through the damp fabric. He did it again, and again, and his hands tightened on your thighs. He was indirect with his tongue, but each swipe had you letting out small moans. A mix of his saliva and your arousal was causing the fabric to become even more wet; they were most certainly going to be wrecked. 
The small kitten-licks were nice, but you needed more. Charles knew this too, and you felt him work his fingers under the material of your undergarments, pulling them down your ass and thighs. It took some awkward maneuvering, but eventually the garment was off, being tossed somewhere to the side by you, leaving you in only your undershirt.
He wasted no time, pulling you back down onto his face with a growl. Parting you with a pass of his tongue, he let out a pleased noise, the vibrations shooting straight to your core. Charles was insatiable now, lapping and drinking you like you were the best goddamn meal he’s ever had. His eyes were hooded, drunk on you. When his broad strokes turned into concentrated flicks on your clit, you moaned loudly, your thighs turning vice-like around his head. 
It spurred him on, working your clit with markman’s accuracy, bringing you closer and closer to your climax in record time. You heard him groan something under you, and you let out a breathy sigh when you realized he was groaning your name over and over again.  
This entire time, you had kept your hands to yourself, but you were growing more and more desperate to touch him. Reaching down, your hands tangled in his hair, and then almost immediately releasing it like it burned you. For a second, you panicked, thinking yet again you crossed a line, which seemed to be a repeating event this evening. You knew his hair was an important part of his culture, and you would never forgive yourself if you did something to upset him.
Without even slowing down a beat, you felt him grab your hand, leading your back towards his head. He closed his eyes when he felt you weave your fingers through the locks, his hips bucking when you tugged slightly. 
You were getting close now, and you felt yourself moving against his face in time with his tongue. “Charles,” you whined, and he hummed in response. “I’m- I’m gettin’ close, darlin’,”
As you neared your release, you heard the sound of skin-on-skin from behind you. Turning around, you saw Charles stroking himself, getting off to eating you out. “Oh my God… Charles…” you breathed out, barely able to tear your eyes away from the beautiful sight behind you.
His eyes were hazy with lust as he peered up at you from between your legs, and you could feel yourself begin to tip over the edge. Sighing out his name, you felt him grin. Before you could even process it, he sucked on your clit, pushing you over that edge as you came hard on his face. You were crying out his name, but your voice sounded distant to your ears, temporarily out of your body as you orgasmed. Charles kept his tongue moving as you came, drawing out every bit of pleasure from your body.
It took you a few moments to recover, and the first thing you were able to hear was the obscene noise leaving Charles’ mouth as he drank in your release. Secondly, you realized you had a death-grip on Charles’ hair, and you quickly let go, and you tried to apologize, but your words were jumbled. He continued to lap at you, but it quickly became too much, your body beginning to feel overstimulated. You rolled off of him, being mindful of the fireplace even in your post-orgasmic haze.
Glancing over at Charles, you found him already watching you, just like he would do in camp. With a soft smile, you scooted closer until you were pressed into his side. He gave you his arm to la on, and you felt him kiss the top of your head. It was silent between the two of you, simply taking the moment to catch your breaths and recover. 
You couldn’t help looking down, though, having to stifle a gasp when you saw how big he actually was, having only gotten a glimpse of him early. He was going to feel good, but you knew you would be sore for a few days after. Not that you cared. 
Looking back up at him, you let your fingers trail up his chest, resting right above his heart. It was beating erratically, just like yours, and you heard him let out a noise when your fingers “accidently” brushed over his nipple. You heard him whine out your name, and you slowly sat up. You were able to see him clearer now, and he looked like a mess. His face was covered in your slick, glistening in the firelight, and his hair was all tousled from your fingers. But the best part was the pure bliss on his features.
It was almost comical, the way his eyes snapped open when you pulled off your shirt, exposing your chest to him. “You’ve got somethin’ on your face,” you tried to joke, but your voice was quite hoarse. You tossed your shirt at him, giving him something to wipe his mouth with. He merely set it to the side, unbothered with the mess. Propping himself up with an arm, he offered you his free hand, pulling you forward when you took it in yours.
You nearly fell right on top of him, your muscles pure jelly. Laughing, you were just able to get upright before he was kissing you. It was weird, tasting yourself on him, but you found you didn’t mind. You didn’t keep your lips on his for too long, moving down his jaw, then down his neck. You weren’t straddling his hips, so the positioning was a tad bit uncomfortable, but you didn’t care. 
Moving down further, you trailed kissed across his collarbones, then down his sternum, his breathing growing uneven as you went lower and lower. A hand now rested on the back of your head as you continued downward, reaching a patch of hair that started at his belly button. It surprised you, the rest of his body being relatively hairless, but you weren't complaining. In fact, you were imagining seeing it peek out from under his shirt as he stretched, his clothing riding up with his arms. Even though it was relatively innocent in the light of everything else the two of you were doing, it had you pressing your thighs together, trying to relieve the returning ache between them.
Following the happy trail, you ran your fingers through the hair as you adjusted closer to his member. His was achingly hard at this point, and his breathing stilled when you ghost your lips over the tip. Leaning over him, you flicked your tongue out, licking up the bead of precum. The hand and your head tightened into a ball, and you could tell he was fighting every urge to buck himself down your throat. Next time, you thought. 
Moving down further so that you sat between his legs, you spit into your hand before you grasped him. He was velvety soft as you slowly began to stroke him, a mix of your name and a moan leaving his lips as you did so. With heavy eyes and part lips, he watched you pleasure him. “You feel so good in my hand,” you murmured, “butI think you’ll feel even better in me, no?”
His response was slightly incoherent, but you could tell he was agreeing with you. “In a second, darlin’. I wanna taste you, too.”
“You don’t need to do that.” Charles found his voice again, although it sounded very strained.
“But I want to. Don’t make me beg for it.” You weren’t really intended to suggest anything, but the look on Charles’ face at your comment had you grinning. “Unless you want me to?”
“I-” he was stunned, but you could tell he was imagining it, and liking it. 
“Please, darlin’, let me suck your cock,” you fluttered your lashes at him. “I bet you taste so good… just let me taste you, please. I need it so bad, darlin’. I need your cock-”
“Fuck, you’re gonna be the death of me.” Charles cursed, which was more arousing than you thought it would be. “Yeah, go ahead, my love.”
Pressing one last kiss to the tip, you flattened your tongue and ran it up his length, and you heard him moan. You did it a few times, receiving a similar reaction each time. Eventually, you slowly took the tip of him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around while doing so. Taking more and more of him into your mouth, you were only able to take him halfway before he was pressing against the back of your throat, and you relaxed as best you could, not wanting to trigger your gag reflex.
Taking the rest of him in your hand, you began to bob your head up and down. Hollowing your cheeks until you reached the tip of him, you then ran your tongue across the slit, before moving back down his length, keeping your tongue flat. You repeated this action for a while, falling into an easy rhythm. You felt him buck up a few times, but other than that he kept his hips relatively still, letting you have your way with him. His hand didn’t push you further down him, he just simply held you, moving back the hairs that tried to fall in your face. 
You heard him moan out your name, and you groaned. “You feel so good, my love,” he praised. His words turned into a surprised moan, whe, with your free hand, started moving slowly up his thigh, moving inward until you brushed against his balls. He nearly jumped with the contact, causing his cock to go further down your throat than you'd like, causing you to rear back coughing. 
Immediately, he was apologizing. His hand was now on your cheek, wiping away the spit around your mouth as you recovered. “Are you alright?” He asked, and you nodded, not trusting your voice at that second. You could tell that he still felt bad, and you pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist. 
“I’m alright,” you managed to get out, and you cleared your throat some more. “Just caught me off guard, that’s all.”
“So did you, touching me like that” he teased, his earlier concerns dissipating when he saw that you truly were okay. “I wasn’t gonna last long even before you did that.” Pulling you up to him, he kissed you, and you finally straddled his waist, his cock resting between your bodies. 
You weren’t given much time to savor his lips before your world was quite literally turning as he flipped you on to your back. The furs nestled nicely against your skin, and you locked your legs around Charles’ waist, grinding yourself against his member. His head fell against your chest, and you felt him brush feather-light kisses across your skin, much like you did. But a new eagerness had overtaken you, and you grinded again against him, and you felt him chuckle. “Patience, my love.”
“I’ve waited long enough, Charles. I need you in me.”
“You think you’re ready for me?” If those words came out of any other man, you would’ve laughed at the arrogance those words held. But you knew it came out of a place of genuine concern for your wellbeing, scared of hurting you. He was large, and you knew that it was probably going to hurt when he entered you, but your lust fueled brain did not care. You need him in you now, consequences be damned.
“Please,” you whispered, and he adjusted so that his face was level with yours. 
“Alright, but if at any point-”
Kissing him quickly, you smiled at him, brushing back a long strand of hair that fell in his face. “I will. I trust you. Now,” you kissed him again, “fuck me.”
He didn’t respond, pressing a kiss against the tip of your nose before you felt him press into you. He kept his eyes on your face, gauging your reaction as he slowly entered you. The initial breach was always the worst part, and you couldn’t help the slight grimace that crossed your features as he breached your entrance. He halted, but you urged him further by pressing your heels into his back. 
The stretch was unlike anything else you’d ever felt, satiating a need you didn’t know you had. Tangling your hands in his hair, you pulled your face against yours, resting your foreheads together. “God, you feel so good,” you panted as he pressed himself deeper into you. You were certain that he was going to ruin you for any other man. 
Hearing him chuckle made you realize you said that last part aloud. “After this, you’re stuck with me, my love.”
Because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut, and you were curious to see how deep his possessive side went, you pushed further. “Am I now?” Yes. 
For a second, it seemed like Charles couldn’t tell that you were teasing, but when he saw the playful glint in your eye he played along. “Do you think anyone else could make you feel like this?”
He was nearly fully sheathed in you, and you fought the urge to just pull him the rest of the way into you “I dunno. If I remember right, I asked you to fuck me. It sure don’t feel like you’re doin’ that.”
Finally, he was fully in you, your hips flushed together. You both let out content moans, and Charles gave you a moment to adjust. “You want me to fuck you?” He confirmed, and the words sounded even filthier coming from his mouth. 
“If you don’t, I’ll find someone who will.” 
Letting out something akin to a growl, he pulled out of you quickly, leaving only the tip in before he was slamming back into you, hands gripping your hips tightly. He set a brutal pace, and your head rolled back, your moans and cries filling the air. With the way your head was, it caused your back to arch, meaning your breasts were right in his face. With zero hesitation, he took one into his mouth, sucking and toying with the nipple in his mouth. Releasing it, he switched to the other one, making sure to give both apt attention. 
Tugging at his hair, you brought his attention upwards. Smashing your lips against his, your kiss was open-mouth and messy, more tongue and teeth than anything. His hips were snapping against yours, incessant as he pounded into you. 
“Yes! Charles,” you wailed, tearing your lips away from his to do so. He kept his lips busy, nipping and kissing the skin at your jaw and neck. A particularly hard bite had you gasping, and you felt him smirk against your skin. Your senses were completely overwhelmed in the best way; all that you could register was him, the way he felt, the way he tasted, the way he looked. 
He leaned over you now, broad arms caging your head in. His dark hair fell in waves around him, blocking out any other visual in the room. All you could do was look at him, and he was a sight for sore eyes. Color had long since returned to his cheeks, the skin there darkening with exertion. His eyes were locked on to you, dancing around your face and chest like he couldn’t quite figure out what he wanted to look at. His plush lips were parted, soft gasps of air leaving him with each thrust.
Another snap of his hips had you grasping at his back and shoulders, pleasuring washing over you as another orgasm began to build up. Your nails dug into his skin, no doubt leaving marks, but it didn’t seem to deter him. In fact, he let out a low moan, and it had your cunt clenching around his cock. 
Babbling his name, your nails ran down his back, leaving in its wake angry red lines. “You feel so good… like you were made for me.”
“My love…” he sighed, and one of the hands at the side of your head cupped your face,  bringing you right to his lips. His length was reaching places in you that you didn’t know existed, filling you deep and hard, just like you wanted. You were going to become addicted to him. 
“I’m so close, Charles…” Releasing one of his shoulders, you snaked your hand between your bodies, moving to start touching yourself. You weren’t expecting him to quickly grasp your wrist, bringing it out of the way and replacing your hand with his much larger one. He began to rub at your clit, slow circular movements that juxtaposed the fast in-and-out of his cock. His ministrations had you seeing stars, and you felt yourself reaching completion again that night. 
“Charles, I-”
“I know. Let me feel you fall apart.” He pressed a quick kiss to your lips.
His slow movements turned rapid, groaning when he felt you clench around him. With a cry of his name, you came, pleasure rolling over you in waves. This one was stronger than the first, feeling like every nerve in your body had been set aflame. Your eyes rolled back, the world temporarily turning dark as your eyelids shut. He kept his eyes on you the entire time, a reverent look in his gaze. With the way your walls were fluttering around him, and the quickened pace of his hips, you knew that he wasn’t going to last much longer either.
His arms went back around your head, continuing to move as he chased his own release. You heard him gasp out, quickly pulling out of you, and you let out a discontent noise as he no longer filled you. He stroked himself a few times, hand moving fervently up and down his length. If you weren’t so fucked out of your mind, you would’ve had taken him in your hand yourself, wanting to feel him as well. Moaning your name, you watched as he came, his release spilling over your stomach. His hips canted forward a few times as he worked through the aftershocks of his orgasm.
You loosened your legs that were wrapped around his waist, and silence hung over the two of you as you both processed what just happened. A small laugh left you, breaking the trance, and you saw him smile back at you, mirroring his laughter with his own. You watched him grab the blanket that was still bundled up on the floor, and he tore off a section of it, the sound of fabric ripping startling you slightly. 
Wiping his release from your skin, he tossed the soiled cloth to some corner of the room. It’s not like this was your place, anyways. Opening your arms, you invited him to lay with you, and he gladly accepted. He was careful to keep his full weight off of you, but he still lay partially on top of you, his head resting on your chest. It was comforting, and you felt yourself begin to grow a bit sleepy. “Are you warm yet?” You teased, running your fingers soothingly through his hair, and you felt his chest rumble with laughter.
“I think so,” he responded, bringing the blanket around your bodies. The fire was starting to die down, but neither of you moved to add fuel to it. He murmured something, and you gave an inquisitive sound. “I love you,” he repeated, his brown eyes filled with emotion as he stared up at you.
“I love you, too.”
He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but he quickly shut it. “What is it?” You asked, and he sighed, his warm breath tickling you.
“Does that mean you’ll stay?”
In all honesty, you had completely forgotten about your earlier conversation. The vulnerability in his voice had your eyes watering, and it didn’t take much thinking to reach your answer. Sure, you were scared for the future of the gang, and you were scared that with each passing day you’d find yourself closer and closer to finding your end at a rope or a barrel, but none of those fears mattered, not anymore. Not when you finally had all that you wanted in your arms. And who knows, maybe you’d end up leaving in time, but you knew you wouldn’t be leaving alone.
“Yeah, I’ll stay. Besides, you still owe me a date.”
His responding smile solidified that you had made the right decision. Whatever the future held, you knew it would be easier with Charles by your side.
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kkl1nch0r · 6 months ago
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title: chase of lies (blade x fbi gender neutral reader PART 1)
notes: im back (idc i just wanted to write one day after over maybe a year of abandoning this shitty account) and I was like WAIT WHAT IF BLADE FBI AND YOU so I did my best. I'm rusty because of school on my ass. this is multiple parts and this is part 1 of blade and you getting down freaky. (NOT THAT FREAKY) NOT FREAKY NOT FREAKY MY BAD
---
“Fu Xuan, just—”
“Are you trying to work yourself to death, Y/n?!” the girl cries, throwing up a pile of papers in the air for dramatic effect as you sigh, shaking your head in denial.
The Xianzhou Investigation Unit— Division Six, Violent Crimes and Major Offenders, the office barely filled with its agents— was rarely this rowdy in the morning.
You reach out a hand to place a consoling hand on Fu Xuan’s shoulder, to tell her it would be all right, but you knock your mug of coffee along the way.
The drink spreads steadfast over the pile of unsigned papers, and Fu Xuan sighs, taking the mug, fetching tissues from her pocket almost magically. “Y/n, you shouldn’t just give your life away like that. We have enough to do as it is, and you’re still injured—”
“Which gives me more of a reason to help you guys out!” you interjected, grabbing the soaked papers, and turn around to face the broken-down printer. It was out of ink, and you sighed. “I can’t just let you guys work to death without me. That’s just unfair.”
Fu Xuan crosses her arms, facing you with her trademark steely glare. You wince.
You twisted your stiff ankle uncomfortably, still trying to get used to walking again. From the last mission, the chase for the Stellaron Hunters had caused you to unfortunately fall and twist your ankle, aside from the several broken ribs and fractured wrist that had taken months to heal.
Returning to the office was a great slap of reality to the face. No more herbal tea, no more reading by the fire, no more relaxation. Not that you were complaining.
And here you were, looking up at Miss Number One Workaholic of Division Six. The girl was absolutely against you taking up another case that had just “intrigued” you.
“I need to help around a little,” you tried, and Fu Xuan raised a skeptic eyebrow.
“Yeah, right,” she countered, and you braced yourself for the running tangent she was about to go on. “You just want to take this case up because you know it involves the Stellaron Hunters, and nothing stops you from persecuting them. From what I know, not one– not one! Of your cases contain something unrelated from that faction. You’re going to get yourself hurt like last time… not to mention you could actually die.”
She hit every nail right on the head.
“Gosh, Fu Xuan,” you gushed, batting your eyelashes, cupping the side of your face with a hand. “You just know me so well.”
“Thank the Aeons I do,” Fu Xuan snapped. She was having none of it this morning, it seemed. “Because who else would know when you’ll throw yourself into a pit of lava or something?”
“Fu Xuan!”
“You know I’m right!” she called, walking from your desk. “I’m talking to Jing Yuan about this. He’ll probably slap some sense into you.”
“Come on!”
The agent had disappeared behind the heaping piles of paper on the desks. You groaned, slumping back into your seat as the chair creaked— at least Division Six had chairs on the more comfortable side. If it weren’t for the cushioning your back might have just torn in half.
“Thank the Aeons for those,” you mumbled to yourself, looking at the clock ahead hopelessly. You looked back at the case, nonchalantly tossed onto your desk. File X. The file name stared right back at you, like a tantalizing treat in front of a hungry child.
Focus, Y/n.
You scowled, picking up the inkless pen, scribbling over the notepad before groaning again, hauling the pen across the room.
“Stupid pen.”
—-
When lunch rolls around, you’re ready to grab the pile of papers and fling them at the Investigation director. 
But instead of confronting Jing Yuan in his office, you head downstairs and out of the office. Sunlight blasts in your eyes, but you make a break for the cafe across the street, opening the door with a pleasant chime.
“Good morning,” says the staff at the counter, and you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose in exasperation. Okay, you take that previous note back– the cushioning does next to nothing about your back. It’s been hours since you’ve got up and stretched.
“Good afternoon,” you reply, smiling, and place your order. 
The staff fumbles the tablet— and your entire order. He nervously giggles, sporting his neck awkwardly.
You’re not amused. You arch an eyebrow.
“Sorry, I’m not really familiar with all these flavors,” he says, and you bristle at his voice. He looks familiar.
“Your green eyes,” you say, and the staff jumps. “Have we met before?”
Come to think of it, you have. Striking green eyes and indigo hair. Stocky build.
Sampo swallows nervously, holding up two hands in surrender. “Okay, uh. We’re getting ahead of ourselves here. What’s the difference between French vanilla and Vanilla?”
Your eyes narrow.
“You would’ve fooled me better with a fake mustache and glasses,” you reply, completely ignoring his previous question. “What are you doing here working at a cafe right across the Xianzhou Investigation unit, Sampo?”
“...That’s a great question.”
“Can’t you catch a break?” Fu Xuan sighs back in the office. “You’re out for a break in the cafe and suddenly a wanted man turns up on your radar.”
“You can’t blame me, Fu Xuan,” you reply. “Anyways, Gepard’s going to be furious. A wanted man he’s spent eternity tracking down just strolls into the cafe right across the street. What a day.”
You pause as Fu Xuan organizes her papers on her desk. “Okay… you know what would be a day? If you talk with Jing Yuan about File–”
“No more Stellaron Hunters,” Fu Xuan snaps, and looks up at you from her desk. “No more File X. You’re supposed to work here until further notice.”
“Fu Xuan,” you plead, and the girl closes her eyes in frustration. The papers she’s dealing with sit abandoned at her desk, and she sighs. You sigh. It’s about to turn into a sighing competition when she raises her hand. 
“Can we just— talk about how dangerous it is?”
You sense hope. She’s going to talk to Jing Yuan. You’re sure of it. It’s just so close! Fu Xuan just needs a push.
Fu Xuan’s lips turn down, her eyebrows knit together in concern. She looks disappointed, worried, and sad at the same time. “Do you know how you’re disregarding your life in search of a case impossible to solve right now?”
“That’s my job, Fu Xuan.” and it's true. Nobody devotes their life to the Xianzhou Investigation unit without knowing what they’re getting into.
“There’s a line between going into a mission and having an idea of what’s going to happen. That’s called being prepared. But you’re being reckless, Y/n. You’re rushing into something head-on without thinking what it could do to you.” Fu Xuan is throwing objection after objection after you, but you shake your head in reply.
“It’s what I’m choosing to do. This is my life, Fu Xuan. Not yours.”
The girl throws her hands up in exasperation. “Does it pain you to just think about the consequences for once?!” you bite your lip at her outburst. Fu Xuan looks like she’s about to cry out of frustration, her eyes rimmed with red. “I just don’t want the only other investigator here to just d– disappear along with the others.”
I just don’t want the only other investigation here to just die, is what she’s saying. You understand. You understand her so well it hurts. 
The girl puts her head in her hands, looking utterly distraught. “There’s only so much I can do, Y/n. You know– the last time when I saw you come back I thought–” Fu Xuan’s breath hitches. “You were on the verge of death. I don’t want to see you like that ever again.”
“You can’t protect me like that forever,” you reply softly, and Fu Xuan sighs. She knows that well too. “I can take care of myself. I know it sounds stupid saying it like this right now when I have no idea what’s going to happen, but…”
You trail off, and Fu Xuan looks up at you, looking defeated.
Finally, the girl nods grimly, standing up from her chair and heading towards the director’s office. “I’ll talk to him.”
What seems like hours later File X is approved, and you’re getting ready to go on an undercover mission to stalk the Stellaron Hunters and capture one of them, learn their motives, and the usual yada yada you can’t help but ignore.
The whole team– Jing Yuan, Fu Xuan, Yanqing (an Investigation unit under training), and Sushang had gathered to see you off.
Jing Yuan looked just as grim as Fu Xuan. His eyebrows were knit together in worry but he managed a warm smile nonetheless, hands behind his back in thought. “Best of luck, Y/n.”
Fu Xuan, with her arms crossed, looked upset, but as you managed a sad smile towards the girl, she huffed, nodding. Both Jing Yuan and Fu Xuan had tensed shoulders, but there was no convincing you otherwise. “Be careful. And make sure you look out for yourself; you never seem to register that.”
You laughed. “Will do, Fu Xuan.”
Yanqing looked enthusiastic, tugging on Jing Yuan’s sleeve. He looked up at you with bright eyes. “I wanna be just like you, Y/n!” he said with admiration. “Going on an undercover mission!”
Fu Xuan rolled her eyes, but was almost toppled over when Sushang let out a cry, rushing forward from the group— she was still in training as well— and embraced you, sniffling.
“You’ll be back, right?” she asked tearfully, looking up at you with tear-stained cheeks. “It gets so lonely here… and Yanqing’s not really good company anyway.”
Yanqing bristled at her words. “Hey!”
You smiled, patting the girl’s back reassuringly. “Make sure to work hard and behave,” you said. It looked like a meeting before your funeral, but it was sweet nonetheless.
“Be super careful!” Sushang called the team following you to the lobby and out of the building. It was dark out, but you nodded in return, waving like it was your final farewell.
What if it was?
You pushed that thought down. Sushang elbowed Yanqing to do the same, and he grumbled, raising a hand to wave. “Be careful!” he repeated.
“I will, I promise!” you called back, stepping out.
“You better, Y/n! I still need to beat you up to death after this!” Fu Xuan yelled across the street.
You sighed. There was no stopping her, was there?
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smoshyourheadin · 6 months ago
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omg heyyy! Could I request a yumi from the group chat just like cuddling head cannons with him or just like a slow night in where him and reader/ his gf are all lovey and just watching a movie?? Idc if it’s gender neutral or fem reader 🤷‍♀️ BTW YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD!!
any other way
pairing: yumi x f! reader
a/n: hello is this whataburger? requests open <3
warnings: sub yumi if you squint i think?
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the soft glow of the living room lamps casts a warm light across the room, creating a cocoon of comfort as you and yumi settle in for the evening. the gentle hum of the rain outside adds to it all, making the world beyond the window feel like a distant dream.
you two are nestled on the couch, a large, fluffy blanket draped over both of you. the scent of freshly popped popcorn fills the air, mingling with the faint hint of vanilla from the candle flickering on the coffee table. yumi’s head rests lightly on your shoulder, his hair tickling your cheek every now and then. he shifts slightly, snuggling closer to you, his body warm and reassuring against yours.
“is this okay?” he murmurs, voice soft and filled with contentment.
“perfect,” you reply, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. you reach for the remote and press play, the movie starting with a soft jingle that signals the beginning of a familiar story.
as the movie progresses, you laugh and whisper, just being comforted by his presence. yumi’s laughter is infectious, and you find yourself smiling more than you have all day. his happiness is like a balm, soothing away the stress and worries that had been clinging to you.
after a while, his hand finds yours under the blanket, fingers intertwining with yours. he gives your hand a light squeeze, and you turn to see him looking at you with a gentle smile. “i’m so glad we’re doing this,” he says, eyes reflecting the soft glow of the screen.
“me too,” you reply, your heart swelling with affection. you lean in and he presses a tender kiss to your forehead, feeling the calm and love radiate between you.
as the movie continues, you both drift into a comfortable silence, simply enjoying the presence of each other once again. the rain outside continues its gentle patter, and the warmth of the blanket and yumi’s embrace makes you feel like you’re wrapped in a bubble of peace.
by the time the movie ends, you’re both drowsy, your eyelids heavy. yumi lets out a contented sigh and leans closer, breath soft and even against your neck.
“let’s just stay like this,” he says, voice sleepy.
you nod, pulling the blanket tighter around both of you. “i wouldn’t have it any other way,” you reply, feeling a deep sense of warmth wash over you.
with the movie credits rolling and the rain continuing its soothing melody, you and yumi drift off to sleep, wrapped in each other’s warmth and love. you hear his breathing steady, and his snores become louder. as much as it bugs you, it reminds you he’s there, which you love either way.
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the-evil-lgbtq-foundation · 1 month ago
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Hello cishetallos and pottential allies and eggs, we are the lgbt foundation, we are the pinnacle of queer®
mods are:
Naminé: trans disaster bi idiot- SHOULD SPEAK IN BOLD ORANGE. Pronouns are She/They/It/Chaos/Chao. tag: Naminé's Idioty back again
Ash: abrosexual genderfluid they/them idk what else to put,
Aspen: Tboy enby mess of gender(agenderfaun with some xenogender spice). Uranic orieanted aroace and demisensual. Romance repulsed and sex repulsed. They/xe/it/he with a slight preference for it/its. AuDHD and OCD. Host of a system. Eldritch void deity. Respect romance repulsed individuals or die by my teeth and claws.
Pendoline: Call me penny or Petra, Pansexual panromantic Polyamorus Obgectum with autism and 5 girlfriends, 1 QPR and one boyfriend, Autism, Dyslexia and Dumbassery, Umnghj I was just invited so idk what else to put, also Daily reminder to tw Tag romance Sex and All that other stuff! System
Uses the tag pendoline's twirl
Bug: agender neutrois kingender creature. Apothisexual apothiroflux aroace. It/its and any gender neutral neopronouns. I'll use purple :]
Eco: demiaroace, enby, xe/them (our pronouns fluctuate depending on who's fronting), system! [aka the eco system]. we don't have autism and the amount of us agreeing with that statement depletes daily. diagnosed ocd, and almost diagnosed (in the process still) adhd. also we'll probably tag who's speaking,,,. you may recognize us from maryland-officially!. uh yeah that's it! im taking non-bold yellow
Onyx: I AM NOT NAMED LIKE A POKEMON!! any prns cuz idc tbh. I'll type in white/black italics! i autism and am otherwise currently in diagnosis or something idk and uhh yeah! i like maths. like. very much so. i usually read or learn stuff so don't expect me to be online here 24/7 lmao. I am german but please speak to me in english or alternatively spanish (or french, but im bad) as im currently learning!
Rii: They/he polyamorous bisexual gendernonconforming transmasc :3 Autism, ADHD, and misophonia. Only adult on the blog so far (and only one to use multiple colors so far!) Always happy to answer questions about almost anything :D
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if-mirrormine · 2 months ago
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im another person who thinks Jesse did nothing wrong and that you should write whatever drabble you want. i was planning on lurking quietly with that opinion, but you seemed to appreciate it when Jesse-neutrals and Jesse-defenders spoke up so here i am
i do also want to say that think it'd be very funny if you leaned into the hate in the sense that "oh yeah? guess what, Jesse would hate all of you too" lol but you dont have to, obviously. i just have a soft spot for pouty unpopulars (who are pouty to begin with BECAUSE they are unpopular) bc they make me laugh
sometimes i think about how, in the i.f. named "Infamous", i was one of the VERY few Day 1 Blake fans. i thought their sub-romance from premise alone was interesting, but they got hated on a LOT (and it was p deserved, Blake has a shit personality when Blake decides they do not like someone). and then one romantic bit later on patreon where Blake is sweet on the MC for a Valentines Day extra, and bam, became one of the most popular ROs of the game overnight, like arguably is sitting pretty at the #2 spot to this day, i think. my point is: people are fickle. (and also kind of dont want to break up a relationship that isnt actually a relationship, like its fwb with Jesse having feelings right?? sucks to suck, fam, hate unrequited myself, wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy lol) now, Jesse isn't an RO, so this is different, yeah, of course, but just do whatever
maybe people will see Jesse being romantic with Alex in this hypothetical drabble and will go "Jesse route when?? 👀" and "can you drop a AU-Jesse POV where Jesse also has feelings for the MC? please?? 👉👈🥺" and so on and so forth and then youll have a new pest of a problem lol
anyway, regardless, i say go do it, write the drabble, why not lmao #JesseDidNothingWrong #YourHonorJesseIsInnocent
the thing is jesse WOULDNT hate anyone. he really is the nicest guy, like he's passionate about his job, he's friendly with everyone and he just wants alex to be happy. and if that means letting them go to be with mc, so be it.
im the number one jesse apologist and idc that i created him, it's true!!
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lightfeltmemories · 4 months ago
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GECKO MORIA: SFW & NSFW HEADCANONS
note: one of my worse "hear me outs" since i've started watching One Piece, i'm a bit shameless about it nowadays, and i know some of you guys out there would like it (trust me, i'm not the only one to have ever wrote for this guy) i'm new to one piece but i got a good chunk of the lore down so if anything is wrong please let me know. (i can also take requests for any other one piece character.)
tags and warnings: obvious spoilers, reader is gender neutral, very brief mentions of absalom's perverted tendencies, intended for both smaller and bigger readers.
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due to him losing his entire crew, the people he loved, he'll be hesitant to be your friend let alone be in a relationship with you at first.
i imagine moria not caring much for romantic relationships, sure when he was young he had some crushes, flings and intimate experience, but as he grew older, it was put to the side and almost abandoned entirely.
things change when you come along, and when he realizes he's starting to have these feelings for you, he'll be distant just so he can keep himself from falling deeper for you, even though it takes a while for him to fully come to terms about taking things to the next level, it happens.
and once he falls, he falls hard.
you are his world, his everything, and he'll go to hell and back just to keep you safe, you're now the most important person in his life.
he's not the most physically affectionate and isn't the biggest fan of PDA, its near impossible for him to be if you're much, much smaller than him, but if you aren't, any display of physical affection such as hand holding or kissing is either minimal, or privately.
if you prefer to be smaller than him, i like the idea of you just.. laying on top of him like a massive bed, and he'll let you, just not in front of the mysterious four since they'll tease the dog shit out of him.
your relationship with the others means a lot to him, especially his adoptive daughter, perona, it's not enforced, but he finds it absolutely adorable if you acted like a second parental figure towards her.
absalom knows better not to spy on you, he knows what'll happen to him if he does.
"darling" and "my love" are his favorite pet names for you.
due to his past of losing everyone he loves, he's very protective of you, not in an insecure jealous way (he can be that, too, sometimes, just very rarely since there's not many people around to protect you from), but he's always thinking about the possibility of losing you, and it breaks his heart.
if you're smaller than him, he does get a bit insecure about the height difference, he can't hug or kiss you like any normal couple, he doesn't even let his shadows "do the work for him" because he actually wants to make an effort to be there for you, but at the same time he can't and it's really stressful to think about, and even if you try to convince him that it's all okay, he still hesitates or flat out declines, not wanting to hurt you.
the zombies follow your commands like they do for moria.
but overall, the love he has for you is strong, and he'll do anything for you (himself, of course.)
nsfw under the cut, you have been warned.
now when it comes to doing the deed with this man.. oh boy.
i mentioned before that he has experience but as the years went by the concept of sex was put to the side, but he hasn't forgotten anything he's learned from all those years ago.
when its your first time doing it together, he's very gentle, he doesn't want to hurt you especially since his teeth are razor sharp and he's got some sharp ass claws on him (he's also got a massive fucking dick even for someone his size idc idc idc.)
it takes a lot of convincing to do anything remotely sexual with him even teasing if you're smaller, if you're that desperate for him, he'll use his shadows (as an exception this time).
however, when do you use his shadows, he has to watch, he's a fan of mutual masturbation because of this.
his horns are surprisingly sensitive, do with this what you will.
when he gets more comfortable with having sex with you, you start to realize he's big on dirty talk:
when he's pushing himself inside you slowly, watching your reaction to his dick disappearing inside: "you can do it, take it all."
when you're sucking him off, you're gagging, moaning, and choking, pushing his fat dick as far as you can deep inside your throat. "my, you're a greedy one, aren't you?" he'll grab the back of your head and push you further if he's close.
"you like when i hit that spot, don't you?" when he touches your g-spot, making you squeak.
he's got a praise kink, both giving and receiving.
he loves it when you moan his name and tell him how good he's fucking you.
he's not a fan of impact play or degradation, maybe on himself but not on you.
he's not good on PDA but finds it hot if your loud moans echo throughout the place and people nearby can hear.
has an affinity for cumming inside, and may or may not have a breeding kink (ayo breeding kink moria is something interesting).
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29121996 · 5 months ago
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#i keep thinking abt amth my therapust said#i was talkibg abt my continuing-to-develop-feelings for my irl . vs the weird clusterfuck of emotions i have for my ex#n the wrirdness i have abt it#anyway she was trying ti help n whatnot. but one thing she asked me was#'what if this with [Dacted] is enough for fuckass mcgee to come foreward' n om kinda . i hope not .#bc i may b a libra venus but if theres one thinf i dont like: its romance decisions. n ive alwys hated the idea of a being in a love triangl#just bc . someones going to get hurt. always . n i dpnt like tje idwa od two ppl being Inro me.#i mean i get it. its not from a place of low swlf worth bc i know ppl are into me and do like me#bur i Hatw the idwa of haing tk choose between tso ppl???#and its all hypothetical#but i do have a mini gut feeling tbat ill have to decide or make a decisio in regards to this anyway#terrified of the idea of being happy so keeping everything n rveryone at this weird middle ground#as if i can keep rhis up much longer bc i have a feeling if i dont budge ill b forced to budge#anyway .#shits fucked fuckass mcgee still on my ass abt my decisions#except hes not egen taljibg to me abt them. hes bitchibg to our mutual friends like. dawg fucling talk to me#im shitty w u bc u dont talk yo me. u shat over my olive branch n basically pretwnd i dont exist. why wouls i wanna ask u to hang out#ofc im gonna ask [dacted] bc were actually friends. u arw not my friwnd. i xan b civil but u made it clear thats Not smth u wany#for qwtv reason idc ? but im literally just followibg the code o was given . its laced w my own weird bitternnmess#that is slowly dippibg the more days pass actually byt . eh its whatwver#i dont hate being around him and i dont get mad when i have to be around him. its a mwh neutral feeling now.#ujless its just us teo n then i wanna bolt for the hills bc What is this energy between us here . im Incomfortable and idk if#its my own projection so slay ig
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one-strugling-bean · 3 months ago
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So.
I finished the 4th season (MAG #160)
......I'm unwell
(part 3 of my Magnus Archives experience)
Ahhhhh where do i even start???? Ok, ok I think I'll start with the lesser things
First off, right off the bat, RIP Tim. More than ever, now I know he didn't have to die and I am so so sad he did..... Flirty boi deserved so much better u^u
Martin collected many moments of badassery throughout the 3rd and 4th seasons. Im so proud of his growth. Not him burning statements and snipping back at Elias - ahhhhhh he was so coooool, I wish someone else was there so that they could tell him! And when he made Fairchild sit back down to finish answering Martin's questions, I swear I got chills!!
Anyway. I continue being a fierce Martin fan, nothing new there
What is new is my newfound adoration for Daisy. Seriously. She's my baby now. Idc what happens or who dies, she needs to end this story okay :'))))
No, im 200% serious, if Daisy doesn't survive to the end, im def going to cry. Because i can totally see her being the "sacrifice herself so that everyone else will have a chance" type.
I swear she was the only one holding the brain cell power this season –  and FINALLY, someone who's not Martin is not being a bitch to Jon!!!
I wasn’t even expecting Jon to be able to bring her back. Much less for them to become supportive avatar besties! I’m so glad the writer decided to take that turn with her. It’s really satisfying from a narrative standpoint to have Daisy of all people do a whole 180 on her standpoint with Jon.
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Idk, i just really liked her this season. She deserves all the hugs. So she gets a meme :)
Basira, on the other hand, fell a bit for me, but i think that was kind of the point. She was fierce and stony and nearly zero compassionate, – very Gertrude-ish of her –  but after everything that’s happened, i can't really blame her :/
Im just here praying to everything that the cop ladies can get a modicum of a happy ending
And just so I round up the gang, im scared for Melanie... She is now blind and also has (had?) a monster as a therapist. And Georgie doesn't feel fear which makes them even less likely to sense danger if it comes for them. I hope they're able to push through whatever season 5 throws at them
Okay. So only Jon is lef now. What can i say about him tho?? I mean, i can say he's been going through it.
Like, I spent my whole time hearing this podcast lowkey making fun of him for collecting beatdowns from pretty much every character - AND IT TURNS OUT IT WASN’T EXACTLY JOKING MATTER AND WAS ACTUALLY PLOT RELEVANT??
WHAT IS THIS SORCERY AND WHY IS IT MAKING ME FEEL BAD FOR VOICES ON MY PHONE??
I just feel so bad for Jon. The guy did not deserve all of this. He really was a lamb to the slaughter—a poor wet cat, an eternal damsel in distress, the Antichrist…?
That last statement from Elias/Jonah is so good tho. Like, objectively. I love it. Not only does it take the listener in a nice little trip down memory lane - nostalgia is always fun - but its also just. So evil.
They really gave us such a sweet start – Martin and Jon bunking together in a cabin in Scotland(?) seemingly happy and it's all "uwu, they sho cute, yada yada- and then BAM!! APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN!"
(i could literally be here for hours coming up with titles for Jon. he makes it too easy.)
Elias though...... I was spoiled that he was Jonah Magnus halfway through season 2 or so, so the reveal wasn't a big deal for me. I wonder how shattering it was for listeners when it first dropped though... At least he upped his villainy cred this season. Suits him better than the "unbothered neutral/evil stand-by" vibe he gave before.
And one last character thing, I fell in love with Peter so quickly. His lines were all gold and his delivery even more so. He just had that unflappable vibe to him. Like he didnt have a care in the world.
Oh, and him and Elias totally had ex-wives who spent the last 10 years fighting about who gets what in the divorce energy.
No, i will not elaborate.
Uhhhhh yeah. I grew to appreciate Helen more and more every time they showed up. Simon Fairchild was surprisingly fun for an old man, Gerry deserved the freaking world (thank you so much Jon for burning that page) and i think that’s kinda it on my favorite “creatures and associates”
Im super excited for this last stretch. i wonder if TMA will stick the landing. I sure hope it does, and honestly trust it will.
Anywayyyyyy, off i go for those last 40 episodes. Wish me luck!
Finish testimony, or whatever
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starsofang · 4 months ago
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Now that’s a chapter I ate up!!!! Gobbled and everything. I want to make more synonyms but wtv. I’ve come to speak to her majesty, once again.
Your writing skills are just UGHHHH. I love them and I can’t even explain. I dont know if you’re putting some type of drugs in them but I’m addicted and it’s your fault. LIKE WHAT?? This was definitely a more laid back chapter, and I soooooo appreciated it. After yk, you tried to kill me and pull out my heart and stomp on it last chapter.
Okay! Okay. Back to the fic. I already knewww their reactions to the dress were going to be amazing. I don’t think I want to know why Soap got up and left. But them drooling is so real. These dogs probably haven’t seen a women that their close to wear such a beautiful dress. One that, even modest, they most definitely loved seeing on her.
Soap and Ghost. Are we really surprised 😐 like raise your hand if you didn’t see this coming. Jokes aside, their absolutely beautiful I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love seeing them together. Also WE GOT TO SEE HIS FACE?!?!? I don’t know how I feel about that😭 Like oh my god, yay. But I hate that we saw it in a way that he didn’t want. If that makes any sense. Like he might’ve wanted to shield her from any scars and truth of what he’s been through and her seeing it without his knowledge is heartbreaking.
And, of course. As a John Price girlie I cant skip him. His teasing has me kicking my feet and giggling. Maybe it’s the daddy issues i dont know but I love older men (in fics) who act like John Price😔✊🏻
One of these days I’ll gain the courage to slide in dm’s and show you my google doc of my theories.
this is one of my favorite chapters only because the banter is finally bantering and my dialogue is improving and i think this chapter was so cute 😭 don’t get used to it <3
also, apologies for the last chapter. again. love u.
pls i have an image in my head of the dress but i like keeping my descriptions as neutral as possible since its. yknow. reader self insert. but i wanna know what you imagined it go be 😫 i’m a black clothes girly since im #emo to the core.
soap and ghost are so gay but that’s not where it ends i fear. this is a poly x reader after all. i’ve never written poly before but i hope i’m doing a decent job at the build up so far 😫 AND YES GHOST’S FACE UGHHHH i just had to show him off at least once i had to it hurts me knowing hes hiding. she definitely stressing now that she saw it tho 😭
john price is my king idc what anybody had to say about him in the first ten chapters, nobody trusted me with him istg. even the way i write him sometimes makes me a little hot i’m like oh ok 😭 (i also have daddy issues #hesdead so i absolutely understand that bc all my fav characters are older)
what if i slid in ur dms first (i’m a horrible texter)
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