#its just the Most heterosexual relationship and if i want to enjoy her wearing a backwards baseball cap and a

[milfygerard]

tayvis is so funny to me as a lesbian bc i find travis so visually unappealing as a man and i find heterosexual relationships generally unappealing so the whole affair has me floating between a "he seems nice good for her" sort of neutrality and a vague bodily disgust whenever anyone implies they have sex or might get married and unfortunately for me 75% of the fandom has become travis sideblogs. Like the implication that theyre a hot couple is mindblowing to me bc every white man with a short cut fade looks like a thumb man from spy kids to me so the hotness of the couple is in my eyes being held up on her shoulders like the noble atlas holding up the sky. No conclusion to this post its not even hate this is just such a strange situation to be in since im primarily swiftblogging rn but have no interest in the second-biggest fandom wide discussion topic currently happening

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of the Best Paired Endings in 3H (Part 2: Dimitri/Byleth)

Despite the popularity of some of Dimitri's M/M ships, he seemed to be a typical heterosexual man to me. However, his straightness was actually part of what made his character so interesting, ironically. He spent his youth absorbed in masculine activities like hunting, training, and practicing with the sword.

He was willing to TRY and take Sylvain's advice to pick up girls. But he was very inexperienced with women. Chivalry definitely promotes homoromantic social bonding among men. And perhaps because of that very male-dominated culture he grew up in, he deeply yearned for a relationship with a woman.

The tagline for the game was, "Sweet memories twisted by time's cruel hand". Dimitri's feelings for his stepsister may have been only puppy love, but it was his first time emotionally connecting with a girl. It was one of his sweetest memories. That was why Edelgard's betrayal hurt him so deeply. The emotional core of AM is Byleth taking the spot in Dimitri's heart that Edelgard once held.

The developers did not want to write an entirely different script just to accommodate male Byleth. So, they just took out the Goddess Tower scene, S-Support, and paired ending. The loss of which are a huge detriment to the integrity of the story. Dimileth is just as "canon" as its counterpart Edeleth. I don't even think AM's story or Dimitri's redemption make sense unless there was a romantic connection between those two. Dimitri's Goddess Tower event even foreshadows that specific scene, proving that the moment Byleth reached out her hand was written with romantic undertones.

Byleth being female is an integral part of the story of AM. If Byleth represented the divine masculine in CF, then it follows that she represented the divine feminine in AM. She was a vessel for the soul of the goddess, but more importantly she was a human who could directly intervene in the world and support people with her own flesh and blood.

Dimileth is often criticized for being a simple "fixing the bad boy" straight girl fantasy. But it's less cliche than people give it credit for. Byleth and Dimitri are an interesting blend of masculine and feminine qualities. Byleth is a silent protagonist, but I could tell that Dimitri enjoyed her dry sarcastic sense of humor. She was not a typical healer or pegasus knight like most FE love interests, but a deadly mercenary. She was meant to be similar to Glenn, which is why Felix sees her as his rival.

She serves the role of being Dimitri's sword and shield and stood at his side and protected him during the final battle, filling the knightly role Glenn would have if he had survived (and the role Felix serves in Hopes). She was the Seiros to his Wilhelm. Dimitri is one of the very few male characters that Byleth will give her mother's ring to when she proposes. Yes, it is a woman's ring that Dimitri wears. In fact, Dimitri's whole character arc is about rediscovering and embracing the softer feminine qualities he had as a young boy.

The Professor taught Dimitri how to live. In AG, Dimitri told Shez that from the moment he was born, he never felt like his life belonged to himself. He overworked himself because it was the only way he knew how to live. After Duscur he lost everyone, including his best friend, and his life belonged to their ghosts. The only time he could imagine being happy was upon his death, having devoted his life to forming a peaceful kingdom full of joyful citizens. He yearned for someone to stand by his side and give him a reason to live for himself.

I've seen many people online criticize Dimileth because they say Dimitri already had plenty of people that he was close to in his life and his non-Byleth relationships should have played the biggest role in his redemption. But I disagree. The story made it quite clear that Dimitri's support system was totally inadequate for his emotional needs and could not have pulled him from the abyss.

He was not actually all that close to his childhood friends, even before the Tragedy of Duscur, and he did not confide in them about what he was feeling. He said Rodrigue was the only person outside the castle he was close to. Rodrigue obviously cared for him, but he had not seen Dimitri in two years prior to the academy. Dimitri and Dedue shared a very powerful bond. Losing Dedue was the cause of Dimitri’s initial descent into savagery. But Dedue still insisted on being his vassal instead of his friend and equal.

Felix was obligated to fill the role due to his bloodline, but he did not WANT to be the person Dimitri unburdened his heart to. He was constantly irritable and losing his patience in Azure Gleam. Glenn was one of the ghosts who shadowed Dimitri's every move. And Felix said that since Glenn's death, "his memory has followed me around like a shadow." He hated acting as his brother's replacement. In their AG A-Support, it seemed like he was pretending to like the idea of being the right-hand man because of how dependent Dimitri was on him. We see a direct parallel of that scene in AM where Dimitri is hallucinating in the chapel. While Felix certainly felt compassion for him, he was very eager to foist the role of confidant onto Byleth.

Without anyone to lean on, Dimitri acts pretty monstrous. For five years, he tortured and killed people brutally, as if they were not even human. He threatened to kill Randolph's friends and remove his eyeballs before killing him and we can probably assume that he actually did that sort of thing to his other victims. I related so well with Felix because I felt the exact same mix of disgust and pity towards him.

I didn't ship Dimileth because I self-inserted onto Byleth and I wanted to marry him. I just wanted Byleth to accept him. And I don't find it difficult to believe that she would. Because before she was the stand-in for the goddess, she was the Ashen Demon who cut people down with no emotion. She only began to smile when she started teaching his class. He offered his shoulder to lean on when she lost Jeralt, something the other two house leaders didn't do.

The main ideological conflict between Edelgard and Dimitri was how much they are willing to compromise and accept the unacceptable. Dimitri seemed to understand that Edelgard had legitimate issues with the Church of Seiros as well as the existing world order. But he thought that total destruction of that system would require too much sacrifice. It was an interesting moral quandary.

And honestly, there was no easy answer. In an ideal world, there would be no false religion and no such thing as nobility, period. Even most of the nobles in the cast would have been happier to just be regular people. AM certainly doesn't end in a utopia or anything (although it's less status quo than AG). It was about the characters compromising and making concessions with an inherently unjust system because perhaps taking innocent human life is wrong even if it's for a just cause.

The Crest of Blaiddyd is associated with Strength. The Strength Tarot card is the Major Arcana of inner strength. It represents mastering raw emotions in order to bring calm to yourself or a situation. Dimitri was born on the winter solstice making him a Sagittarius, which is a masculine fire sign symbolized by a centaur. The horse portion of the Sagittarius symbol is unruly, relentless, beastly, and strong. The human portion is wisdom-seeking and rational. Dimitri's character arc was about overcoming his anger and hatred and becoming the wise "Savior King" who could reach out his hand to his mortal enemy.

Byleth & Dimitri The marriage of the newly appointed Archbishop, Byleth, and Dimitri, who officially ascended to the throne of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, further delighted the people amidst the celebrations of the end of the war. Continuously seeking a better future for Fódlan, they pursued their ideals, gradually reforming the traditional political systems and the structure of the Church. They upheld their roles as leaders of the Church and the state, engaging in intense debates at times. However, when they went on long rides or hunting trips alone together, they wore not the faces of the Archbishop and the King, but those of an ordinary, loving couple.

JRPGs are known for "killing god". AM ends not with you destroying the church but becoming its leader. The people of Fódlan paid lip service to the goddess, but they actually revered Nemesis and the 10 Elites. So much so that Rhea had no choice but to refer to them as heroes and Crests as gifts from the goddess. Fódlan is a patriarchal land. Faerghus especially so.

With Fódlan unified under Faerghus, Byleth acts as the divine feminine force who will change that society from the inside out, just as she did her husband. Is rulership by a benevolent monarch and a matriarchal pope a good enough ending? Well, that's for the player to decide. But I found it to be the best ending, both for Fódlan and for Dimitri and Byleth themselves.

[lurafita]

Piece of dialoge that I would put in a reverse Malec au

As the title states, this is basically me writing down a kinda scene that's swimming around in my head.

it is definitely a story I want to write, but I'm not sure about my ability to write it. However, this one scene, though not fleshed out and pretty much just dialoge at the moment, made me want to type it up and share it with people who might enjoy it. Pairing: Magnus/Alec Lots of friendships and some background pairings that aren't depicted in this scene. Reverse!verse with Shadowhunter!Magnus and Warlock!Alec (as well as other known downworlders being shadowhunters and shadowhunters being downworlders.) I don't think any content warnings apply, as it is really just a scene with dialoge between Alec and Magnus, in which Magnus does most of the talking. Its main purpose is to portray the type of Shadowhunter I believe Magnus would be.

Alec: “You confuse me.”

Magnus, flirting: “In a good way, I hope.”

Alec, agitated: “You say you want to work your way up to a position of power in Idris. Become Inquisitor or Consul one day. Yet you act uncaring about the risk to your life that every new mission poses, and spit in the face of almost all of the Clave’s rules and regulations. I have lived for centuries, and in that time I have met many of your kind. You are… you confuse me.”

Magnus, smiling but contemplative: “I like being a Shadowhunter. Fighting against the forces of evil, protecting those that can’t protect themselves, helping those who need it. Working and training with Raphael and Catharina and Dot and Ragnor. Teaching Simon and watching him grow into his talents, though if you tell him I said that I will deny it. I truly, honestly, love these parts of my life. But I’m not blind to the Clave’s - and Shadowhunters’ as a whole, I guess - many shortcomings and failings. The Clave, our teachings and philosophies are far from perfect, and some are downright unjust. They are so very stuck in their ways and stagnant about the law, they carry prejudice and bigotry at their very center.

"Even after the circle, even after the uprising and the many little and big changes this whole world has gone through, Shadowhunters appear almost allergic to change. Non-heterosexual relationships still are discouraged and looked down upon by many, especially those of higher standings. Relationships with downworlders that aren’t purely professional are just one step above being forbidden, and if it weren’t for the accords, I have no doubt that the Clave would try to imprison anyone who engages in those. "I want to change this. As much as I can. But I won’t do it by playing by the very rules I wish to overthrow. I’m the son of a traitor, but I’m loyal to our mission. I’m openly bisexual, but I’m the best of my generation. I’m friends with more downworlders than most members of the Clave have met in their lifetime and have even dated some of them, and me and my team are still the ones other institutes call upon when they need back up.

"I don’t care about the obstacles the Clave will try to put into my way, or how much they turn up their noses. I will rise up the ranks one day and earn a position that enables me to make things better for the next generation, both Shadowhunters and Downworlders. And I will do it wearing fancy clothes and glittery make-up, proudly proclaiming any relationships I may have as loudly as I need to. I will prove to them that our world needs to change, and that it won’t collapse because a woman is leading an institute without a husband by her side, or because a male Shadowhunter is in a relationship with a male Downworlder. And while I may act a bit blasé about the dangers of my job, I’m not naive to the reason as to why many Shadowhunters die young. "But by the angel, as long as I live, I will walk this path towards change, and I won’t compromise who I am as I walk it.”

Then Alec looking at Magnus a little starstruck and awed.

And Magnus suddenly being a little uncomfortable going: “Phew, that was a lot of far too serious talk. What say you we go out for a drink? I know a great club in the city!”

[sjw-publishings]

A Le’Silver Lining

Based on a story from Midas Touch, by @dumb-and-jocked

“Finish up pronto, or you’re fired.”

Aden sighed, he really wanted to get that promotion, the next step up the corporate ladder, but because of some desperate plea of a ‘millennial-life crisis’, he ended up revealing to his incredibly hot Boss...hoping he had been closeted this entire time.

He was wrong.

Recalling the many words and verbal insults from the strict CEO, it was far from a ‘privilege’ throughout these past few years.

And to be paid a similar wage while handling this douchebag’s laundry is just the icing on the cake.

All he wanted to do was to head towards the top with a faithful partner, but instead his arrogant boss reduced him to some laundry ‘boy’. He was in his mid 20s and treated like some joke.

“This is humiliating!”

Stuffing in the last few piles of clothes, he grumbled, but not too loud just in case his boss spied on him. Turning on the laundry machine as it whirled, done for the day...though not for long knowing how unreasonable that homophobe was.

Folding his arms, pocketing the white gloves he had to wear. As the douche puts it, ‘so he won’t catch the gay’. He rubbed his palms all over his youthful face, trying to contain himself from tearing over his demotion a couple of hours ago, hoping there will be a way to get some power back.

*Shone*

From the corner of his eye came a glint of something shiny, alone at the corner of the clothes basket was a singular watch, which was without a doubt very costly.

Not like his boss’s that shone gold, but rather one of silver. ‘A promising shine...yet dull’. One of the many insults that alpha would arrogantly scoff at him.

“Better polish this before he starts complaining about it.”

As he said that, he grabbed a cloth that appeared to his side and began polishing the accessory. Not realising how the watch voluntarily attached itself to his wrist as his eyes were laser focused on polishing the silver lining.

Le Silver Lining.

His fingernails began trimming themselves short, hands were bigger and more worn...yet eloquent. The changes trailed down his arms, tightening his biceps with lean muscle of a servant who had been tasked with numerous duties beyond laundry.

The boss eventually demanded more from him after all, as the shirt he wore had split into two, the lower layer ironing itself to his chest, sculpting his abdominals to six stones as two modest arches formed the front side of his chest, tightening as the solid foundation gets filled with pectoral muscle.

Starch blue Sleeves rolling down to his wrists, regaining the familiarity of a buttoned down as the upper layer rested over him like a navy suit jacket. He had to look presentable always, even if he was Mr. Conrad’s servant, especially when he had visitors.

Of course, his snobbish boss was always in control, living under his roof meant a rigid schedule with tons of tasks always needing to be done. Buttocks tightening...ensuring there will be no time for any poking from behind.

“He did give me some leeway though.”

Connecting his legs, as the stress pitched a tent beneath his trousers, which shifted to a more expensive quality that he missed, tightening on those knees in dark blue like his suit jacket, as he stood tall over 6ft, slightly shorter than his boss...but definitely the height of a man who was in charge of many things.

The man in the older twenties nodded, as with every swipe, the new reality of his situation became clearer and clearer.

His pouch rested comfortably in those briefs, which came with the uniform ‘to set ‘boys’ straight’ as so he proclaims. Being dedicated to his boss meant he had no time for a long term relationship, seeing men less and being forced to chat with women.

Though with the amount of ladies chatting with him....

“He has been exceptionally generous.”

Huffing out an arrogant flair, starting to appreciate his employer. Yes, he was bi-curious, nothing too serious though, at least with the men.

Plus the watch was, after all, a symbol of gratitude and position from the older male. Despite the consistent banter during his first few years, he really grew on him despite the excessive homophobia.

Because, it was as his boss said, working under him was a privilege.

Both things, he too had inherited from his long time boss. He did serve under him over 16 years, and while Conrad was demanding, he was absolutely generous, as long as one fits into his mould.

Which its something he slid on in perfectly.

“Still, not really my type, no?”

The age gap was less than a decade, but he was not interested in such acts with the man. Putting his foot down, shoes being polished into a prim and proper wing-tip, strictly professional like their relationship.

The strictness was something he did admire in a superior, alongside the pompous arrogance, he probably wouldn’t date the man even if he were gay! Despite it being so arou-

“Non non...what am I thinking?!”

His voice deepened, darkened. His nose wrinkled in disgust, disapproval to his more...’immature’ ways. Aging out to a matured thirty eight, as his skin took on a more elegant and healthy glow. Raised in the life of the wealthy, but with the humility of a servant.

They were simply, Sir and b...Monsieur. A Boss and his trusted butler, a respectable relationship between gentlemen.

Standing up straight, a posture he maintained throughout his years at the CEO’s house, shoulders filling up nicely on his uniform, buttocks being disciplined shut as though he vehemently made a decision to stay far from those kind of acts.

And of course, this choice was made solely on his own.

“Unacceptable, no?”

Smirking to himself, recalling the many rants from Sir Conrad about ‘faguettes’ and how disrespectful youths nowadays were, and the many nights they had fine women over as a result.

Giving a few combs to his hair, tight and thorough hairspray glued his slicked back cut to his scalp, maintaining it since he started as one of the servants in the mansion, the prim and proper look for someone who belonged underneath his employer, yet dashing enough to stand out for the ladies.

And of course, he had a level of authority unlike the supervisors of his boss’s company. Bringing his palm to his face, brushing against the dark brown bristles, stubbles, beard on his chin down to a more concentrated ‘chin strap’ as the locals call it.

Jaw sharpening itself to a cleft, moustache dressing above his upper lip, trimmed and twirled to the ideas from the CEO, with a modest patch of fuzz below his lower lip, mirroring his superior’s well groomed moustache.

Like a shadow, he would do as his employer says, and behave like him...with a Parisian twist.

The experienced servant giving a few final swipes to the watch with ease as the polished beam shone into his eyes, lenses. A pair of rectangular spectacles framed his new perspective, with utmost appreciation to his employer.

Brows arching downward, trimming away any resistance to the loyal affluence of the frenchman’s dark brown eyes. Pocketing away his hankerchief, he turned on the washing machine and made his way to the living room with a pre-prepared cart of treats.

Knowing, according to his watch, its tea time.

“As expected as always, Monsieur.”

Antoine bowed down to his waist, proud of his accomplishment of being second in command to the CEO of C.O.N. Corporations. And while he may not have a title like the fine gentlemen sitting at the boardroom, the Butler had more say in who stays than any of them ever could.

That enough was of satisfaction to the eloquent Parisian.

“Now if you would excuse us, we would like to have the rest of the afternoon undisturbed until a quarter past nine...”

As his boss said that, a fancy looking Madame climbed on top of him, and initiated an intense make out session like every other evening after a special occasion.

“Understood sir, enjoy your session.”

The french butler walked on auto pilot out of the room, leaving them to their heterosexual pursuits. Of course, while he was a fellow ladies man, he wasn’t going to steal the spotlight from his boss. He wasn’t a ‘boy’, but a ‘Monsieur’, and besides...

“Heehee~”

There was someone far more interesting on the staircase...

A french maid, dressed loosely in that typical frilly attire, winked at him. That cheeky vixen...she was literally asking to be painted, pulling his attention from his multitude of assignments to be done, and onto her.

Alas, the ladies do come first, his boss always encouraged his many trysts with women across the mansion, as long as he did a clean job.

And this blonde was no exception, most definitely another generous reward from Sir Conrad, something his eyes savoured by examining those pillows on her mattress.

Removing his glasses, he gave a dashing look at the lady, and daringly spoke.

“Bonjour Mademoiselle, Coffee, Tea, or me?”

[woman-loving]

Islam, heteronormativity, and lesbian lives in Indonesia

Selections from Heteronormativity, Passionate Aesthetics and Symbolic Subversion in Asia by Saskia Wieringa, 2015.

These passages discuss some general social developments related to sexuality and gender in Indonesia, and then describe stories from different (mostly lesbian) narrators. They also touch on the creation of a religious school for waria (trans women), and include two trans men narrators, one of whom talks about his struggle to get sex reassignment surgery in the 70s. I also included a story from a divorced woman whose sexuality was questioned when her husband complained that she couldn’t sexually please him. Accusations of lesbianism can be directed toward any woman as a method for managing her sexuality/gender and prodding her into compliance with expectations of sexual availability.

In spite of protests by religious right-wing leaders, Islam does not have a single source of its so-called 'Islamic tradition'. There are many different interpretations and, apart from the Quran, many sources are contested. Even the Quran has abundant interpretations. Feminist Muslim writers, such as Fatima Mernissi (1985), Riffat Hassan (1987), and Musdah Mulia (2004 and 2012), locate their interpretations in the primary source of Islam--the Quran. According to those readings, sexuality is seen in an affirmative, positive light, being generally described as a sign of God's mercy and generosity toward humanity, characterised by such valued qualities as tranquillity, love, and beauty. The California-based Muslim scholar Amina Wadud (1999) describes the jalal (masculine) and jamal (feminine) attributes of Allah as a manifestation of sacred unity. She maintains that Allah's jamal qualities are associated with beauty that, although originally evaluated as being at the same level as Allah's masculine qualities that are associated with majesty, have en subsumed in the 14 centuries since the Quran was revealed.

The Quran gives rise to multiple interpretations. Verse 30:21 is one of my favorites:

“And among Allah's signs is this. That Allah created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity whit them, and Allah has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that there are signs for those who reflect.”[2]

The verse is commonly used in marriage celebrations, and I also used it in my same-sex marriage ritual. It mentions the gender-neutral term 'spouse,' which leaves room for the interpretation that same-sex partners are included.

Indonesian waria (transwomen) derive hope from such texts. In 2008, Maryani, a well-respected waria, opened a pesantren (traditional Islamic religious school) for waria, named Al-Fatah, at her house in Yogyakarta. After her death in March 2014, it was temporarily closed, but fortunately soon reopened in nearby Kotagede. A sexual-rights activist, Shinta Ratri, opened her house to waria santri (santri are strict believers, linked to religious schools) so they could continue to receive religious education. At the official opening, Muslim scholar Abdul Muhaimin of the Faithful People Brotherhood Forum reminded the audience that, as everyone was made by God: "Everyone has the right to observe their religion in their own way...", and added: "I hoped the students here are strong, as they must face stigma in society."[3]

Prior to her death (after she had made the haj),[4] Maryani herself, a deeply-religious person, said: "Here we teach our friends to worship God. People who worship are seeking paradise, this is not limited to our sex or our clothing..."[5] So far, hers is the only waria pesantren in Indonesia, perhaps even globally, and may be due to the fact that Maryani was an exceptionally strong person who spoke at many human-rights meetings. In October 2010, I also interviewed her and was struck by her warm personality, courage, and clear views.

In spite of those progressive readings of the Quran, women's sexuality is interpreted in light of their servility to men in practice, and has been linked to men's honour rather than women's pleasure. Although marriage is not viewed as too sacred to be broken in Indonesia, it is regarded as a religious obligation by all. An unmarried woman over the age of 20 is considered to be a perawan tua ('old virgin'), and is confronted by a continuous barrage of questions as to when she will marry.

Muslim (and Christian) conservative leaders consider homosexuality to be a sin. Women in same-sex relations find themselves in a difficult corner, as exclusion from their religion is a heavy burden. Some simply pray at home, privately hoping that their God will forgive them and trusting in the compassion taught by their holy books. However, outside their private space, religious teachers and society at large denounce their lives as sinful and accuse them of having no religion.

Recent Indonesia legislation strengthens the conservative, heteronormative interpretations of Islam. Apart from the 2008 anti-pornography law (discussed below), a new health law was adopted that further tightened conservative Islam's grip on women's reproductive rights and marginalised non-heteronormative women. That 2009 health bill replaced the law of 1992, which had no chapter on reproductive health. The new law states that a healthy, reproductive, and sexual life may only be enjoyed with a 'lawful partner' and only without 'violating religious values'--which means that all of our narrators would be banned from enjoying healthy, sexual, and reproductive lives.[6]

Conservative statements are also made by women themselves; for example, members of the hard-line Islamic group Hizbut Tahrir, who not only want to restrict reproductive services (such as family planning) to lawfully-wedded heterosexual couples but also see population control as a 'weapon of the West' to weaken the country.[7] They propose to save Indonesia by the imposition of sharia laws. Hard-line Islamic interpretations are widely propagated and creep into the legal system, thus strengthening heteronormativity and further expelling non-normative others.

Yet strong feminist voices are also heard in Indonesia's Muslim circles. Even in a relation to one of the most controversial issues in Islam--homosexuality--a positive, feminist interpretation is possible. Indonesia's prominent feminist Muslim scholar, Siti Musdah Mulia, explains that homosexuality is a natural phenomenon as it was created by Allah, and thus allowed by Islam. The prohibition, however, is the work of fallible interpretations by religion scholars.[8] In her 2011 paper on sexual rights, Mulia bases herself on certain Indonesian traditions that honour transgender people, referring to bissu in south Sulawesi, and warok[9] in the reog dance form in Ponorogo. In those cases, transgender is linked to sacred powers and fertility. She stresses that the story of Lot, always cited as evidence of Quranic condemnation of homosexuality, is actually concerned with sexual violence--the people of Sodom were not the only ones faced with God's wrath, as the people of Gomorrah were also severely chastised even though there is no indication that they engaged in same-sex behaviour. Nor is there any hint of same-sex behaviour in relationship to Lot's poor wife, who was transformed into a pillar of salt. Mulia advances a humanistic interpretation of the Quran that stresses the principles of justice, equity, human dignity, love, and compassion (2011: 7). Her conclusion is that not Islam itself but rather its heterosexist and patriarchal interpretation leads to discrimination.

After the political liberalisation (Reformasi) of 1998, conservative religious groups (which had been banned at the height of the repressive New-Order regime) increased their influence. The dakwah ('spreading of Islam') movement, which grew from small Islamist usroh (cell, family) groups and aimed to turn Indonesia into a Muslim state, gathered momentum.[10] Islamist parties, such as the Partai Kesejahteraan Sosial (PKS), or Social Justice Party, gained wide popularity, although that was not translated into a large number of seats in the national parliament (Hefner 2012; Katjasungkana 2012). In the early Reformasi years, official discourse on women was based on women's rights, taking the 1995 Beijing Platform for Action as its guide, but recent discourse on an Islamic-family model--the so-called keluarga sakinah ('the happy family')--has become dominant in government circles (Wieringa 2015, forthcoming). The growing Islamist emphasis on a heteronormative family model, coupled with homophobia, is spreading in society. During KAN's [Kartini Asia Network for Gender and Women's Studies in Asia] September 2006 TOT [Training of Trainers] course in Jakarta, the following conversation was recorded:

“Farida: Religious teachers go on and on about homosexuality. They keep shouting that it is a very grave sin and that people will go straight to hell. My daughter is in the fifth form of primary school. She has a best friend and the two were inseparable. But the teachers managed to set them apart, as they were considered to be too close. The mother of my daughter's friend came to me crying; she was warned that she had to be careful with her child, or else she might get a daughter who was different. And now the new school regulations stress that a woman must wear the jilbab [headscarf].[11] This has put a lot of stress on tomboyish girls. They cannot wear the clothes they are comfortable with any more. Zeinab: When we were taught fiqih [Islamic law], we never discussed homosexuality. When we studied the issue of zinah [adultery], one of our group asked: "But how about a woman committing zinah with another woman, or a man with another man?" Our teacher just shook is head and muttered that that was not a good thing. The only story we learnt was about the prophet Luth [Lot]. But when we went to study the hadith [Islamic oral law], we found the prophet had a very close friend, Abu Harairah, who never married, while all men were always showing off their wives. There were some indications that he might have had a male lover. Yet the prophet is not known to have warned him. So, while the mainstream interpretation of Islam is that they condemn homosexuality, there are also other traditions that seem to be more tolerant, even from the life of the prophet himself.”

The above fragment shows how fundamentalist practices creep into every nook and cranny of Indonesian people's lives--the growing suspicion toward tomboys, forcible separation of close school friends, and enforcement of Muslim dress codes. But we also see a counter-protest arising. At the TOT training course, the women activists realised that patriarchal interpretations of religion had severely undermined women's space, and started looking for alternative interpretations, such as the story of the prophet's unmarried friend.

However, for many of our narrators, religion is a troubling issue. Putri, for instance, does not even want to discuss the rights of gays and lesbians in Indonesia; she thinks the future looks gloomy, with religious fundamentalism on the rise, and her dream of equal rights is buried by the increasing militancy of religious fanatics. [...]

Women-loving women

Religion is a sensitive aspect of the lives of our women-loving-women narrators, who are from world religions that, although propagating love and compassion in their distinct ways, interpret same-sex love negatively. In some cases, our narrators are able to look beyond the patriarchal interpretations of their religions, which preach hatred for what are emotions of great beauty and satisfaction to them, while others are devastated by guilt and shame. [...]

Indonesian male-identified Lee wonders why "people cannot see us as God's creatures?" but fears that Islam will never accept homosexuality. He knows the story of the prophet Lot, and how the city of Sodom was destroyed by God as a warning so others would not commit the sin of sodomy. Lee was raised as a good Muslim, and tries to follow what he has been taught are God's orders. For some time, he wore a man's outfit for praying.[16] At that time, he thought that religious duties--if conducted sincerely--were more important than his appearance but, after listening to some religious preachers, he felt that it was not right to wear men's clothing: "Sometimes I think it is not right, lying to myself, pretending to be someone else. We cannot lie to God, right? Even if I try to hide it, definitely God knows." So, after attending religious classes, he decided to wear the woman's outfit--the mukena--when praying at home.

Lia grew up in a strict Muslim family. When she pronounced herself to be a lesbian, it came as a shock to her relatives, who invoked the power of religion to cure her. When her mother went on the haj, she brought 'Zamzam water' from Mecca. The miraculous healing powers of the liquid from Mecca's Zamzam well were supposed to bring Lia back to the normal path. Dutifully, Lia drank from it and jokingly exclaimed: "Ah, my God, only now I realise how handsome Delon is!"[17] Yet she found succor in her religion when she went through a crisis in her relationship with Santi:

"When Santi hated me very much and avoided me, I prayed: "God, if it is true that you give me a guiding light, please give me a sign. But if it is a sin...please help me..." Was my relationship with Santi blessed or not? If it wasn't, surely God would have blocked the way, and if it way, would God broaden my path? As, after praying so hard, Santi and I became closer, God must have endorsed it. Does God listen to my prayer, or does God test me?"

So, even though she got together again with Santi after that fervent bout of praying, uncertainty gnaws at Lia, who realises that mainstream Islamic preachers prohibit homosexuality. Ideally, she feels that a person's religion must support people, but Islam does not do that because she is made to feel like a sinner. But, she says, the basic principle that Islam teaches is to love others. As long as she does that, Lia sees nothing wrong in herself as one of God's creatures. She realises that, particularly in the interpretation of the hadith (Islamic oral tradition), all manner of distortions have entered Islamic values, and wonders what was originally taught about homosexuality in Islam. She is aware that many Quranic texts about the status of women were manipulated in order to marginalise them, and avidly follows debates on feminist interpretations that stress that the real message of the Quran does not preach women's subordination.

Lia knows that there are lesbians in the pesantren who carry out religious obligations, such as praying and doing good deeds. If someone has been a lesbian for so long that it feels like natural character, and has been praying and fasting for many years, they cannot change into a heterosexual, she decided.

Religious values are also deeply inculcated in Sandy, who is tortured by guilt and shame about her lesbian desires. Although masculine in appearance and behaviour, she wears the mukena while praying both at home and at the mushola (small mosque) that she frequents. Since she was 23, when her mother died, she realised that what she did with her lover, Mira, was a sin and started reading religious books to discover what they said about people like her. She accepted the traditional interpretation of the story of Lot and the destruction of Sodom. When she was 25 years old, Mira left her to marry a man. Sandy was broken hearted and considered suicide. In that period of great distress, she realised that God prohibits suicide and just wanted her to give up her sinful life. She struggled hard against her desires for women and the masculinity in her:

"If I walk with women, I feel like a man; that I have to protect them. I feel that I am stronger than other women. But I also feel that I am a woman, I am sure that I am a woman, that is why I feel that I am different from others. I accept my own condition as an illness, not as my destiny. ... Yes, an illness, because we follow our lust. It we try to contain our lust, as religion teaches us, we would never be like this. So I try to stay close to God. I do my prayers, and a lot of zikir.[18] I even try to do tahajjud.[19]"

Sandy believes in the hereafter and does not want to spoil her chances of eternal bliss by engaging in something so clearly disproved of by religion, although she has not found any clear prohibitions against lesbianism in either the Quran or hadith.

Bhima, who considers himself to be a secular person, was brought up in a Muslim family. His identity card states that he is a Muslim, which got him into serious trouble when he went for his first sex-change operation at the end of the 1970s. He went through the necessary tests but the doctors hesitated when they looked at his ID, fearing the wrath of conservative clerics. Bhima was desperate:

"Listen, I have come this far! I have saved up for this, sold my car, relatives have contributed, how can you do this to me? Tell me what other religion I should take up and I will immediately get my identity card changed. I have never even been inside a mosque. I don't care about any institutionalised religion!"

The doctors did not heed his plea, instead advising him to get a letter of recommendation from a noted Muslim scholar. Undaunted, Bhima made an appointment with a progressive female psychologist who had been trained in Egypt and often gave liberal advice on Muslim issues on the radio. He managed to persuade her to write a letter of introduction to the well-known Muslim scholar Professor Hamka. Letter in hand, Bhima presented himself at the gate of Hamka's house, and was let in by the great scholar himself. Bhima pleaded his case, upon which Hamka opened the Quran and pointed to a passage that read "when you are ill, you must make all attempts to heal yourself":

"Are you ill?" Hamka asked. Bhima nodded vehemently. "Fine, so then tell them that the Quran advises to heal your illness." "It is better, sir," Bhima suggested, "that you write that down for them."

With that letter, Bhima had no problem to be accepted for the first operation, in which his breasts were removed.

Widows [...] In Eliana's case religion played an important role in her marriage--and subsequent divorce. While still at school, she had joined an usroh group (created to teach students about religious and social issues in the days of the Suharto dictatorship). Proper sexual behaviour played an important role in their teachings. According to usroh, a wife must be sexually subservient to her husband and accept all his wishes, even if they involve him taking a second wife. Eliana felt close to her spiritual leader and tried to sexually behave as a good Muslim wife would. She forced herself to give in to all her husband's sexual wishes, including blow jobs and watching pornography with him. Yet the leader blamed Eliana for not doing enough to please her husband, saying that is why he needed a second wife. Her teacher even asked if she was a lesbian, because she could not satisfy her husband. As both her spiritual leader and husband agreed that it was not nice for a man to have an intellectually-superior woman, she played down her intelligence. Eventually she divorced her husband.

Internalised lesbophobia and conservative-religious (in this case, Muslim) norms prevented Jenar for enjoying the short lesbian relationship that she had between her two marriages. It is interesting how she phrases the conversation, starting on the topic by emphasising how much she distrusted men after her divorce (because her husband did not financially provide for their family). The relationship with her woman lover was not long underway, and had not advanced beyond kissing, but she immediately felt that, according to religion, what she did was laknat (cursed). Anyway, she added, she was a 'normal,' heterosexual woman and did not feel much aroused when they were touching. A middle-aged, male friend added to her feeling of discomfort by emphasising that she would be cursed by God if it would continue. He then took her to a dukun (shaman), where she was bathed with flowers at midnight in order to cure her. That was apparently successful, for she gave the relationship up. However, even though she had stressed that she was 'normal' and did not respond sexually to her lover's advances, she ended the conversation by saying that she felt lesbianism was a 'contagious disease'. That remark stresses her own internalised homophobia but also emphasises her helplessness and lack of agency--contagion is something that cannot be avoided. It also hints at the strength of the pull she felt for a contagion that apparently could not be easily ignored. The important role of the dukun indicates that she follows the syncretist stream of Islam, mixed with elements of the pre-Islamic Javanese religion--Kejawen. [...]

Women in same-sex relationships [...]

As in India, the human-women's-lesbian-rights discourse is gaining momentum in Indonesia. It could only develop after 1998, when the country's dictator was finally forced to resign and a new climate of political openness was created. The new sexual-rights organisations not only opened a public space to discuss women's and sexual rights but also impacted on the behaviour of individuals within their organisations (as discussed in more detail in chapter 9). Before Lee joined a lesbian-rights group, he had decided to undergo sex-reassignment therapy (SRT) to physically become a man as much as possible. Activists warned him of the operations' health risks and asked whether he really needed such a change in order to live with his spouse. Lee feels secure within the group, and is happy to find like-minded people with whom he can share many of his concerns. Lee actively sought them out after reading a newspaper article about a gay male activist: he tracked him down at his workplace and obtained the address of the lesbian group. Lee is less afraid of what will happen when their neighborhood find out that Lee's body is female--as he says: "I have done nothing wrong, I haven't disturbed anyone, I have never asked anyone for food." However, Lee is worried about the media, where gay men and lesbian women are often represented as the sources of disease and disaster.

Lia had no idea what a lesbian was when she first fell in love with a woman. There were many tomboys like her playing in the school's softball team, and she once spotted a female couple in another school's softball team. Her relationship with Santi developed without, as Lia says, any guidance of previous information. Only at college in Yogyakarta did she start reading about homosexuality on the internet. Through the Suara Srikandi portal (one of the first lesbian groups in Jakarta), she came to know of other Indonesian lesbians. Another website that she frequently visited was the Indonesian Lesbian Forum, and one of her lecturers introduced her to the gay and lesbian movement in her city. In 2004, she publicly came out at a press conference. She first joined the KPI, which has an interest group of sexual minorities, but found the attitude of her feminist friends to be unsupportive and decided to join a lesbian-only group. The women activists only wanted to discuss the public role of women and domestic violence, and told her that lesbianism was a disease and a sin.

Lia wants to broaden the lesbian movement. She feels the movement is good in theory but lacking in practice--particularly in creating alliances with other suppressed groups, such as farmers and labourers. In focusing only on lesbians, not on discrimination and marginalisation itself, she asserts that it has become too exclusive. By socialising with other movements, she argues, they will better understand lesbian issues, and, in turn, that will help the lesbian movement. It is true, she concedes, that lesbians are stigmatised by all groups in society but, since 1998 (the fall of General Suharto), the country has seen a process of democratisation. "We must take up that opportunity and not be scared of stigma," she exhorts her friends in the lesbian movement. Lia herself joined a small, radical political party, the PRD,[33] and faced stigma ("we have a lesbian comrade; that's a sin, isn't it?"), but feels that she has ultimately been welcomed. Now, her major problem is to find the finances to conduct her activism. At the time of the interview, she had lost her job and could not find the means to print handouts for her PRD comrades.

Lia is a brave forerunner. At the time of the interview, her lesbian friends were too scared to follow in her footsteps and told her that she was only dreaming. However, her heterosexual friends (in the labour movement) said that they were bored with her, and found her insistence of a connection between the struggle for sexual and labour rights to be too pushy.

Lia dreams of equal rights for lesbians. First, she would like to see a gay-marriage law implemented in Indonesia, which would ensure that the property rights of surviving spouses are protected in case one passes away. She also would like to set up a shelter for lesbians, as she knows many young lesbians who have been thrown out of their family homes and are in need of support.

Sandy is rather hesitant about the rights she would like to see introduced to Indonesian society. Most of all, she wants to be accepted as a normal human being, where no one says bad things about or harasses lesbians like her. What women do in the privacy of their bedrooms is one thing. Women should have the right to have sex, for it comes straight from the heart--it is pure love. But, in public, their behavior should be impeccable: no kissing, no hugging, no holding of hands. However, Sandy thinks that marriage rights for lesbians will not happen in Indonesia, and are only possible in Christian countries. But, minimally, she hopes to lead a life without discrimination or violence:

"If they see us as normal, they won't bother us. We are human, but if we act provocatively then it is ok for them to even hang us ... [I just hope they] won't harass us, or humiliate us. That is all I ask, that if we are being humiliated there is a law to prevent it. That a person like me is protected. To be laughed at is okay, but it is too much if they throw stones at us and if we are not allowed to work."

Sex workers want the right to work without being harassed, and women in same-sex relationships want to be treated like 'normal' human beings and enjoy socio-sexual rights, such as health benefits or the right to buy joint property. Yet the state does not provide those rights and does not protect its citizens in equal measure. As a major agent of heteronormativity, it restricts its benefits and protection to those within its margins. Couples with social stigma and conservative-religious interpretations, some of our narrators have reached deep levels of depression.

[everything-laito]

Hypersexuality and Laito Sakamaki (UPDATED)

Hiya guys! Been a long ass time since I’ve made a post like this, I’ve been getting so much ask box activity + had school so I haven’t had the time to make an original post! This has been something I wanted to write for a while, and not only was I busy with school, but this one hits home hard to me personally, so I was going back and forth for a bit writing it. But I think I’m ready :)

I know there’s kind of a general consensus that anything DL related comes along with a trigger warning whether stated or not, but just a TW considering I’ll be talking about some real life experiences; not in depth or detail of course, but just mentions of it :) Not only is this a Laito analysis but it’s also an educational tool to help other people know about this!

So, without further ado, rant under the cut! 

Hypersexuality is something that many sexual assault/harassment and rape survivors experience after the abuse. People associate asexuality or sexual repulsion as the only (or common) psychological affect after experiencing those situations. However, there is another affect that can happen, and it is more common than people think, and aforementioned, it’s hypersexuality. It’s basically having more sexual feeling and urges after the experience, in order to cope with the nonconsensual one. And it’s exactly what Laito experienced after Cordelia’s abuse.

I’ve also experienced something like this. I don’t believe I’ve experienced it in full swing, but definitely something like it. I haven’t been raped thankfully, but I have been sexually harassed/assaulted before a handful of times. I know I’ve briefly mentioned that in other analyses, but I’m just explicitly stating it here.

I first learned about hypersexuality this year actually, and my Laito nerd brain was like “holy shit that’s the name of what Laito is going through.” Then I was like “oh fuck I’ve gone through that a little bit too.” I thought going along with  would help me “heal” myself, and it really was doing the opposite. (UPDATE: realized that what I thought was a lot of sexual trauma/hypersexuality was mostly compulsory heterosexuality (but still with those dabbled in too—quite a terrible combo) because last month I realized I’m not attracted to men! Although those experiences I mentioned did mess me up a bit, realizing this is a huge step in the right direction for my own mental well being. Just had to make this correction on my part, since the original post had more emotional investment than I would have liked it to :)) 

Like I have said in my little update, I realized I was going through mostly compulsory heterosexuality while also going through some minor sexual trauma/hypersexuality. Although again, I have not had it as bad as Laito has or other sexual assault survivors (which I am grateful for that), I still have a personal grasp of coping mechanisms with traumatic experiences or experiences I did not particularly enjoy. (If you are interested in learning more about compulsory heterosexuality, feel free to send me an ask! I just don’t feel that it’s appropriate to talk about it in regards to Laito or make a post about it, since it doesn’t relate to him)

And that’s probably also why I can resonate with Laito so much, at least on that scale, and even if I experienced a grain of what he’s going through. I know he’s fictional but these are definitely real experiences and real feelings. 

Laito’s case is a bit different than just feeling overtly sexual. Although he’s trying to heal himself through sex and other intimate actions, he’s also doing it as a type of revenge. He doesn’t like purity, and in fact, he’s quite jealous of it. I’ve heard this is also a pretty human way of coping with this type of abuse, and it is why I love Yui as a character. She’s incredibly strong and sets an example for Laito. This makes Laito jealous yet entertained by her, and that’s also a reason why he probably keeps her around. He also attempts to use Yui as a vessel to avenge his own feelings (even not knowing about Cordelia being in her at first). I  personally wasn’t like that, but given the circumstances, there’s definitely people who are. Laito’s character can be so human to me sometimes, its astonishing, despite him being a character, a vampire, and just generally does some wacky or terrible shit. 

You could say his hypersexuality could also be similar to typical Pavlovian Conditioning. You’ve probably heard of the whole experiment of training (conditioning) a dog to expect food when they hear a certain sound and thus, his mouth waters. We’re conditioned by a lot of things in our lives, from triggering a “flight or fight” response from this specific ringtone or high school bell. It’s just a built in “routine” our minds utilize to process pattern recognition. I know I say this a lot, but we don’t know how vampire brains in the DL universe compare to human brains (and quite frank, I don’t think we will), so I will just do my typical human brain picking. 

In Laito’s case, he was conditioned to “love” Cordelia in a fashion that was incredibly gross. No, I won’t sugar coat it. In my Cordelia/Laito analysis, I talk about how Laito was probably groomed. Grooming is another type of conditioning. Although I don’t believe his grooming was sexual, it definitely “prepares” the victim to be exploited in that fashion later on. It’s to build a false sense of trust to be betrayed. Later on, when Cordelia started having sex with Laito, he became used to it in a “conditioned” fashion. When someone said that Cordelia was calling him, he knew what it was. He also thought it’s what he wanted, even though he knew that he didn’t. I believe I have referenced his MB Dark Prologue monologue before, but not this part of it. Here’s the monologue: 

――Who is it that I give my love to? Throwing myself away, I caught the sight of someone Someone I didn’t recognize, Suddenly, I realized I was looking into a mirror. The mirror reflected myself within it. I couldn’t see anything else. I am disgraceful for this greed. I was wearing a visage. What I wanted, certainly was love. It’s not that easy. Because of these words, I suffer. No matter how many times love is said, The only thing that will be important to me, Is only the physical contact and body.

I know I've said it in the Laito/Cordelia analysis, but Laito is visibly confused in his flashbacks. He’s trying to grasp what love is, but then convinces himself that love is physical contact, and not emotional connection, especially near the end. He knows he’s suffering but he is still conditioned to think like this. Same case for people who suffer from hypersexuality. 

Although many people do not know why it occurs, it can be a symptom or “side effect” from disorders, medication, and the like. In the sexual trauma case, I believe a main reason is that the person utilizes sex to cope with trauma, or because they are used to sexual acts being forced upon them. That’s where conditioning still comes in. He’s treated as one of her suitors, lovers, or the like. Even as a stand-in for Richter and Karlheinz. He doesn’t consider Cordelia to be his mom until the DF Vampire ending. On top of him not receiving emotional gratification which leads to all sorts of just awful stuff for him, sexual attention is the only type that he receives until Yui comes along. He is used to not having emotional support or connections, which is why physical contact is what he is more “comfortable” with, while at the end of the day it still does not satisfy him.  

It creates a positive feedback loop of him being unsatisfied, while being confused about where he’s unsatisfied in, leading to him trying to “fix” himself or avoid his own personal, emotional problems through lust and sex, but then still finding himself not “healing.” Then the cycle continues, enthusing his hyper sexual behavior even more.

I was sent some great articles from @souchiika on the DL discord (thank you so much!) and one of the articles stood out to me, since I did not talk about this type of topic on this blog yet. Here’s the link to the article, and here’s the quote that stood out to me!

Furthermore, indirect effects were also statistically significant, providing support to the hypothesis that depression and guilt would be serial mediators of trauma-hypersexual behavior relations. The paths through depression and guilt have been found to be the most significant with moderate and high indirect effects on hypersexuality. Moreover, male gender, as covariate variable, is a relevant risk factor for hypersexual behavior.

Hypersexuality is something that is still being researched like I mentioned earlier, but since these findings came out, it definitely makes sense in Laito’s case (and in general). Like I said, Laito does feel unsatisfied and even shameful of his actions, which is more apparent in the beginning of his and Cordelia’s “relationship.” In those flashbacks, he asks himself if this is what he really wants, and although he attempts to force himself to like these actions as a coping mechanism, there is still a relative degree of shame and guilt he has. It is also apparent nearing his DF Ecstacy ending when he finds out that Karlheinz foresaw Cordelia having sex with him, and even wanted it to happen. All that shame and guilt came bellowing out while he was in a fit of distress. In initial attempts to mediate this guilt and shame, he projected his feelings onto other women through sexual acts, leading to more of this hypersexual loop. I know I talk about Laito projecting a lot, but it is frequent in his character. Like I’ve always said, it’s typical “bully” power dynamic manipulation. If Laito can bring a victim of his down to his level, then he feels better about himself (but it satisfies him for only a short while, until Yui in MB+). 

Also, note that this is no excuse or justification for him to rape or sexually assault others. It is merely an explanation as to why he does it (as for my posts in general, it’s not a justification, it’s an explanation). 

Another reminder that rape and sexual assault isn’t about the sexual urges, but about power. That’s why anybody with any background can do it, given the circumstances. 

This post was a bit hard for me to write, so I apologize if I got too overtly personal for your liking. Like I’ve said in the past, I’m not writing this to gain sympathy too, and sure that sounds superficial of me to say now (although I truly mean it), I just want to use my platform as an educational tool. Sorry about the change in my typical tone :) 

Sorry if this was too much of a doozy, I really wanted to talk about it and to educate people, despite it being a bit personal. I just felt like the most effective way was to convey how real this topic is, despite this fandom knowing about it in a fictional setting. 

I hope you have a great day! -Corn

[hexalt]

CW for discussion of suicide

- She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - What? No, I'm not. - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - That's a sexist term! - She's the crazy ex-girlfriend - Can you guys stop singing for just a second? - She's so broken insiiiiiide! - The situation's a lot more nuanced than that!

There’s the essay! You get it now. JK.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the culmination of Rachel Bloom’s YouTube channel (and the song “Fuck Me, Ray Bradbury” in particular where she combined her lifelong obsession with musical theatre and sketch comedy and Aline Brosh McKenna stumbling onto Bloom’s channel one night while having an idea for a television show that subverted the tropes in scripts she’d been writing like The Devil Wears Prada and 27 Dresses.

The show begins with a flashback to teenage Rebecca Bunch (played by Bloom) at summer camp performing in South Pacific. She leaves summer camp gushing about the performance, holding hands with the guy she spent all summer with, Josh Chan. He says it was fun for the time, but it’s time to get back to real life. We flash forward to the present in New York, Rebecca’s world muted in greys and blues with clothing as conservative as her hair.

She’s become a top tier lawyer, a career that she doesn’t enjoy but was pushed into by her overprotective, controlling mother. She’s just found out she’s being promoted to junior partner, and that’s just objectively, on paper fantastic, right?! ...So why isn’t she happy? She goes out onto the streets in the midst of a panic attack, spilling her pills all over the ground, and suddenly sees an ad for butter asking, “When was the last time you were truly happy?” A literal arrow and beam of sunlight then point to none other than Josh Chan. She strikes up a conversation with him where he tells her he’s been trying to make it in New York but doesn’t like it, so he’s moving back to his hometown, West Covina, California, where everyone is just...happy.

The word echoes in her mind, and she absorbs it like a pill. She decides to break free of the hold others have had over her life and turns down the promotion of her mother’s dreams. I didn’t realize the show was a musical when I started it, and it’s at this point that Rebecca is breaking out into its first song, “West Covina”. It’s a parody of the extravagant, classic Broadway numbers filled with a children’s marching band whose funding gets cut, locals joining Rebecca in synchronized song and dance, and finishing with her being lifted into the sky while sitting on a giant pretzel. This was the moment I realized there was something special here.

With this introduction, the stage has been set for the premise of the show. Each season was planned with an overall theme. Season one is all about denial, season two is about being obsessed with love and losing yourself in it, season three is about the spiral and hitting rock bottom, and season four is about renewal and starting from scratch. You can see this from how the theme songs change every year, each being the musical thesis for that season.

We start the show with a bunch of cliché characters: the crazy ex-girlfriend; her quirky sidekick; the hot love interest; his bitchy girlfriend; and his sarcastic best friend who’s clearly a much better match for the heroine. The magic of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is that no one in West Covina is the sum of their tropes. As Rachel says herself, “People aren’t badly written, people are made of specificities.”

The show is revolutionary for the authenticity with which it explores various topics but for the sake of this piece, we’ll discuss mental health, gender, Jewish identity, and sexuality. All topics that Bloom has dug into in her previous works but none better than here.

Simply from the title, many may be put off, but this is a story that has always been about deconstructing stereotypes. Rather than being called The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, where the story would be from an outsider’s perspective, this story is from that woman’s point of view because the point isn’t to demonize Rebecca, it’s to understand her. Even if you hate her for all the awful things she’s doing.

The musical numbers are shown to be in Rebecca’s imagination, and she tells us they’re how she processes the world, but as she starts healing in the final season, she isn’t the lead singer so often anymore and other characters get to have their own problems and starring roles. When she does have a song, it’s because she’s backsliding into her former patterns.

While a lot of media will have characters that seem to have some sort of vague disorder, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend goes a step further and actually diagnoses Rebecca with Borderline Personality Disorder, while giving her an earnest, soaring anthem. She’s excited and relieved to finally have words for what’s plagued her whole life.

When diagnosing Rebecca, the show’s team consulted with doctors and psychiatrists to give her a proper diagnosis that ended up resonating with many who share it. BPD is a demonized and misunderstood disorder, and I’ve heard that for many, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the first honest and kind depiction they’ve seen of it in media. Where the taboo of mental illness often leads people to not get any help, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend says there is freedom and healing in identifying and sharing these parts of yourself with others.

Media often uses suicide for comedy or romanticizes it, but Crazy Ex-Girlfriend explored what’s going through someone’s mind to reach that bottomless pit. Its climactic episode is written by Jack Dolgen (Bloom’s long-time musical collaborator, co-songwriter and writer for the show) who’s dealt with suicidal ideation. Many misunderstood suicide as the person simply wanting to die for no reason, but Rebecca tells her best friend, “I didn’t even want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. It’s like I was out of stories to tell myself that things would be okay.”

Bloom has never shied away from heavy topics. The show discusses in song the horrors of what women do to their bodies and self-esteem to conform to beauty standards, the contradiction of girl power songs that tell you to “Put Yourself First” but make sure you look good for men while doing it, and the importance of women bonding over how terrible straight men are are near and dear to her heart. This is a show that centers marginalized women, pokes fun at the misogyny they go through, and ultimately tells us the love story we thought was going to happen wasn’t between a woman and some guy but between her and her best friend.

I probably haven’t watched enough Jewish TV or film, but to me, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the most unapologetic and relatable Jewish portrayal I’ve seen overall. From Rebecca’s relationship with her toxic, controlling mother (if anyone ever wants to know what my mother’s like, I send them “Where’s the Bathroom”) to Patti Lupone’s Rabbi Shari answering a Rebecca that doesn’t believe in God, “Always questioning! That is the true spirit of the Jewish people,” the Jewish voices behind the show are clear.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend continues to challenge our perceptions when a middle-aged man with an ex-wife and daughter realizes he’s bisexual and comes out in a Huey Lewis saxophone reverie. The hyper-feminine mean girl breaks up with her boyfriend and realizes the reason she was so obsessed with getting him to commit to her is the same reason she’s so scared to have female friends. She was suffering under the weight of compulsory heterosexuality, but thanks to Rebecca, she eventually finds love and friendship with women.

This thread is woven throughout the show. Many of the characters tell Rebecca when she’s at her lowest of how their lives would’ve never changed for the better if it wasn’t for her. She was a tornado that blew through West Covina, but instead of leaving destruction in her wake, she blew apart their façades, forcing true introspection into what made them happy too.

Rebecca’s story is that of a woman who felt hopeless, who felt no love or happiness in her life, when that’s all she’s ever wanted. She tried desperately to fill that void through validation from her parents and random men, things romantic comedies had taught her matter most but came up empty. She tried on a multitude of identities through the musical numbers in her mind, seeing herself as the hero and villain of the story, and eventually realized she’s neither because life doesn’t make narrative sense.

It takes her a long time but eventually she sees that all the things she thought would solve her problems can’t actually bring her happiness. What does is the real family she finds in West Covina, the town she moved to on a whim, and finally having agency over herself to use her own voice and tell her story through music.

The first words spoken by Rebecca are, “When I sang my solo, I felt, like, a really palpable connection with the audience.” Her last words are, “This is a song I wrote.” This connection with the audience that brought her such joy is something she finally gets when she gets to perform her story not to us, the TV audience, but to her loved ones in West Covina. Rebecca (and Rachel) always felt like an outcast, West Covina (and creating the show) showed her how cathartic it is to find others who understand you.

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is the prologue to Rebecca’s life and the radical story of someone getting better. She didn’t need to change her entire being to find acceptance and happiness, she needed to embrace herself and accept love and help from others who truly cared for her. Community is what she always needed and community is what ultimately saved her.

*

P.S. If you have Spotify... I also process life through music, so I made some playlists related to the show because what better way to express my deep affection for it than through song?

CXG parodies, references, and is inspired by a lot of music from all kinds of genres, musicals, and musicians. Same goes for the videos themselves. I gathered all of them into one giant playlist along with the show’s songs.

A Rebecca Bunch mix that goes through her character arc from season 1 to 4.

I’m shamelessly a fan of Greg x Rebecca, so this is a mega mix of themselves and their relationship throughout the show.

*

I’m in a TV group where we wrote essays on our favorite shows of the 2010s, so here is mine on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, I realized I forgot to ever post it. Also wrote one for Schitt’s Creek.

[turinn]

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

[indigobackfire]

HPHM OC Profile ✧

Phoenix Nobleworth

" You're like a poisonous flower, Phoenix. Beautiful and inviting with all your colors and aromas and deadly force. "

Full Name: Phoenix Lazar Nobleworth Silverwood

Nicknames: Pheny. Birdy (by some of his Hufflepuff friends). Nobleworth. Silverwood (by Snape out of spite).

Gender: Male.

Birthday: 12th of May, 1973.

Born: Deva, Transylvania, Romania.

Mother: Biological: Antonia Lazar, full Veela. Adoptive: Clarin (née Tramer) Silverwood.

Father: Biological: Emilian Nobleworth, Scottish, Half-Veela, Gryffindor. Adoptive: Palmer Silverwood.

Siblings: Jacob Silverwood (b. 1968), Indigo Silverwood (b. 1973).

Ethnicity: Romanian, Scottish.

Species: Veela.

Sexuality: Heterosexual.

MBTI Type: IN(TorF)P-T (I can't decide, so he's both).

Blood Status: Half-blood (I think.)

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff.

Appearance

Eyes: His eyes are a shade between green and blue with very light tones of lilac depending on the light. But due to his Veela powers he can change them into an shape or color he likes.

Hair: A light shade of golden blonde, wavy, usually grown below his chin. (At some point, he dyed a strand turquoise to impress his crush, I know, wild.)

Height: He's reasonably tall usually towering by little other boys, with long legs.

• He's got those handsome looks expected from a full Veela, structural face but round features give him a soft look. He's very strong despite his slim figure. His skin is pretty fair but he has a myriad of scars from past transformations.

• He's told he's a perfect mixture of his parents which gives him a friendly and suave look that easily turns authoritative and seductive when he uses his Veela powers of seduction.

Veela Form: Different from what's described in canon, I like to imagine Veelas having feathers that differ from people to people. Phoenix's feathers are fair golden with the inner side of his wing in shades of red, the feathers go up to the knees and elbows while hands and feet become bird-like with long black talons. His features and ears become sharper, and his teeth, fangs. His eyes turn silver-white when he turns by his will and bright yellow when forced to turn.

Transformation is hardly ever painless and he often hurts himself and takes longer to heal because of the Veela blood. Both spells and potions don't work as effectively, which is why he fights to control his temper, beyond the fact he can end up hurting somebody else.

Transformation occurs when he's either angry, instigated or when someone pulls out a string of his hair. Unless for the latter, he has partial control over his transformation/consciousness (nevertheless requiring practice and focus).

Magical Aspects

Wand: Pearwood with Veela hair core and an amber stone for stability, 14'' and flexibility. "Pearwood produces wands of splendid magical powers, which give of their best in the hands of the warm-hearted, the generous, and the wise, also among the most resilient." Veela's hair core is known to be temperamental — which is why Olivander had trouble making Phoenix's wand, having to insert molten amber to the torn wand for stability. The hair came from one shed by his mother which they used to keep stored for such use.

Patronus: Thunderbird. The Thunderbird is a large, magical avian beast native to North America. A close relative of the Phoenix. They can create storms as it flies and is highly sensitive to danger. They possess three pairs of powerful wings and have feathers that shimmer with cloud-like patterns.

Patronus memory: The day his wizard powers started presenting themselves — he stopped a sculpture from falling on his dad's head within a beat of his heart — and they had a real feast that night.

Veela Abilities: Beyond the popular ability to seduce - which really began when he turned 14 -, Veelas can also dwell and create fire from their hands in human form but requires training to control.

Boggart:

Penny (in specific because he hates to see her cry) holding his dead sister, hurt and bleeding, and hearing Penny say how could he have done that, because he's terribly afraid of losing his control and hurting Indigo.

Riddikulus: Penny tuns into Tonks and Indigo wakes up saying it was ketchup and makeup all along.

Amortentia: Regular burning candles, purple passionfruit, the smell of the house/apartment he lives in with his family, Peppermint tea, and the smell of fresh clay.

Once he gets over the fear of losing control somewhere around the end of his 4th year, his boggart in year 5 turns into Inferius versions of his parents after he learns about them in DADA, but even worse than described in the textbooks, with bugs crawling out of their mouths, a half-rotten dragon head on their lap and clothes stained with nearly black blood.

He has a hard time using Riddikulus on that one.

Miscellaneous

Pets: A Flama Squirrel (I made up from a real one), a magical squirrel that sets itself on fire when threatened, mostly predated by smaller breeds of dragons and Chimeras. The Flama's liver is commonly used in Erumpent potion with the intention of increasing its property but its lack doesn't spoil the potion, and their glands used to be common in perfumes for aphrodisiac fragrances until they started going extinct from excessive hunting.

Things he always carries with him: His wand, a chocolate bar, his favorite quill, a flask of water, and his class schedule cause he forgets them very often.

Lucky Amulets: A feather from his mom and another from his dad that he can wear on his hair and does on special occasions.

Best Friends

His sister, but as I did for her, I want to write their relationship in another post.

Aspen: Not only his cousin but also one of his best friends. Their personalities clash, her being outspoken and feral, and him being softer and more collected, yet they can't live without each other. He considers himself her protector, but from how savvy she is, it's her who ends up protecting him most times.

Boy!Rowan: His first Hufflepuff friend having met at the Hogwarts Express on their first ride. Rowan is his best friend and partner in crime. They usually spend time reading, walking open fields, and helping his sister with her plans of finding the cursed vault. Rowan supports him with tests and homework when his personal life gets overwhelming.

Chiara: They easily bond after he finds out her secret about being a werewolf, and they share support and help in times of instability. They like going out on picnics and to watch the creatures in the reserve. They actually enjoy dueling each other for fun, it's cute.

Penny: His first crush while still a boy in Hogwarts, he enjoys her company from her confidence and overall bright personality. Despite growing out of his affection for her, they're still good friends and enjoy each other's company. He offers a comforting shoulder when her relationship with her sister gets tricky.

Diego: He and Diego take a long time until they officially hit it off. Diego's personality being too grandiose and extroverted for Phoenix's taste. But as soon as he discovers that Aspen has a mad crush on him, goes out of his way to find out more about him, not trusting him to be a proper suitor for her. Despite his opinions, with time, their relationship evolves into a sincere friendship from Diego's good humor and adventurous heart.

Badeea: The one person he never thought he'd be friends with considering her intellectual (Ravenclaw-like) demeanor and collected attitude. But one day, when she gathers the courage to call him to pose for one of her paintings, he finds out she shared the exact same thoughts about him. Their friendship is quiet-like and profound, they share their thoughts about recent reads and go stargazing.

Orion: He first interacts with Orion when his sister joins the Gryffindor quidditch team and never he would've guessed how much Orion would mean to him. But with time he learns that Orion's presence is a suave and soothing one, and when he confronts Orion about how he can be that way, he decides to guide him into spiritual and mental balance. They meditate, chill and bond over shared experiences -- both being orphans, cool-headed, and deeply compassionate people.

Dormmates: It's him, Rowan, Diego, and two muggle-born boys, Lance and Edward, through which they learn a lot from the muggle world.

Academics

Favorite Classes:

History of Magic (when his friends are teaching)

Herbology

Ancient Runes*

Divination

Least Favorite:

Potions

Arithmancy

Favorite Professor: Minerva McGonagall. She's just so thoughtful and poise, the coolest animagus and the most powerful witch he knows.

Least Favorite: Snape for obvious reasons. He doesn't hate Snape but he also rather not be in his presence in potions class.

Quidditch: He cheers for Gryffindor when his sister is playing against the other houses, but his allegiance is to Hufflepuff. Imagine his excitement when Cedric Diggory joined the team and came down slaying with his abilities.

Yum,yum my Hufflepuffy boy, I love him. Can't wait to get into more detail about his past and romantic relationships.

[starlingsrps]

poppy allen character development.

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME:  poppy lieke allen

NICKNAME(S): nope.

PREFERRED NAME(S): poppy

BIRTH DATE: october 25

AGE: twenty seven

GENDER: cis female

PRONOUNS: feminine

ROMANTIC/SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual

NATIONALITY: american

ETHNICITY: american-dutch

CURRENT LOCATION: los angeles, ca

LIVING CONDITIONS: neat and tidy, well decorated. she's definitely in laurel canyon, purposefully kind of a bitch to drive to.

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: santa barbara, ca

HOMETOWN: montecito, ca

PLACES LIVED: montecito, new york, london - wherever the hell she's filming tbh. los angeles is home.

SOCIAL CLASS: upper upper. when your eighteenth birthday is a people magazine cover, you don't pretend.

EDUCATION LEVEL: high school

FATHER: bryce hawthorne, 57, movie star

MOTHER: saskia werhoff, 52, model turned lifestyle guru

SIBLING(S): marieke allen, 25; matthias allen, 20

BIRTH ORDER: poppy, marieke, matthias

CHILDREN: absolutely no.

PET(S): nope; allergic to most things with fur.

OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: her mother's family in the netherlands, her father's in nebraska.

PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: legion and documented online.

ARRESTS?: nope.

PRISON TIME?: nope.

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: actress

SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: spokesperson

TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME: trust fund

CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: like why wouldn't she be

PAST JOB(S): does she look like she's ever done intensive work?

SPENDING HABITS: poppy's version of reasonable is absolutely not the same as a normal persons. she thinks she's reasonable but that's just because she doesn't own a diamond encrusted birkin. she buys things that are high quality and doesn't really have experience with things that aren't.

MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: real estate portfolio. she owns her house and a condo in new york. both are points of pride for her.

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: B-

OFFENSE: B

DEFENSE: B

SPEED: B

INTELLIGENCE: B

ACCURACY: B+

AGILITY: B

STAMINA: B

TEAMWORK: C+

TALENTS: poppy has an incredible work ethic and sense of loyalty. she knows she's lucky to be where she is in life but she's going to show up the same as anyone else on set and give her best every time. she knows her self worth and she does not compromise on it one single bit.

SHORTCOMINGS: that can come off as.....abrasive.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english and dutch

DRIVE?: yes

JUMP-STAR A CAR?: she was definitely taught by her father but it did not stick.

CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: see above.

RIDE A BICYCLE?: yes

SWIM?: yes

PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: no

PLAY CHESS?: no

BRAID HAIR?: yes

TIE A TIE?: yes

PICK A LOCK?: no.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: abigail cowen

EYE COLOR: blue

HAIR COLOR: red; boosted from strawberry blonde to red-red.

HAIR TYPE/STYLE: long and swishy. it's a signature at this point. that pantene hair deal did not just materialize on it's own.

GLASSES/CONTACTS?: both - a bitch is Nearsighted.

DOMINANT HAND: right

HEIGHT: 5'7

BUILD: willowy and toned, great ass.

EXERCISE HABITS: daily - she looks at it as part of her job description and between her father's biceps and her mother's devotion to yoga, she wasn't really raised with much of a choice but to use the gym.

SKIN TONE: fair, little freckled. a lot freckled if the sun has gotten to her.

TATTOOS: none

PEIRCINGS: ears

MARKS/SCARS: none

NOTABLE FEATURES: the Hair, upturned nose

USUAL EXPRESSION: attentive

CLOTHING STYLE: carefully curated. god i miss polyvore this would be so much easier. hold for pinterest board.

JEWELRY: whatever suits/is loaned for the occasion. she has a lot of small pieces that she owns for daily wear and a few really nice bits that she got from her parents as gifts.

ALLERGIES: dander, almonds.

DIET: nothing super weird/out of the ordinary, definitely erring on the trendy and consciously healthy end of things.

PHYSICAL AILMENTS: nah.

PSYCHOLOGY

ENNEAGRAM TYPE: type eight

MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic neutral

TEMPERAMENT: choleric

ELEMENT: water

SOCIABILITY: A - poppy is incredibly charming and social.

EMOTIONAL STABILITY: ehhhh i'll give her a B-. like she's not bad but when her temper gets triggered, hell will reign.

OBSESSION(S): nah

COMPULSION(S): nah

PHOBIA(S): failure

ADDICTION(S): nah

DRUG USE: she does smoke, she does know, she doesn't care.

ALCOHOL USE: social drinker.

PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: no (yet i think a certain someone might get something thrown at him)

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: even and cultivated. she has a pretty feminine voice and has done a little voiceover work.

ACCENT: nope.

QUIRKS: she squints a lot, even if she does have her glasses on or contacts in. this bitch is Blind.

HOBBIES: she does read a lot and she does enjoy trying new things. nothing crafty but she's pretty down for new activities.

HABITS: daily workout, twice weekly call with her Team, grooming, work. she likes to stay busy and likes to stay organized - her planner is sacred.

NERVOUS TICKS: don't fucking touch her planner.

DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: personal success. she was well known before she jumped into acting and modeling on her own by virtue of her parents but she absolutely wants to be her own person. she doesn't use her father's SAG name (legally, they're all allens rather than hawthorne but SAG), she doesn't do any mommy and me/daddy and me projects and she steers any interviews away from heavy talk about her family.

FEARS: personal failure. she knows she'll be okay no matter what - she's got the cushion of wealth and privilege - but she does not want to ever fail on her own merits.

POSITIVE TRAITS: loyal, generous, hard working, passionate, driven, fearless.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: bossy, stubborn, abrasive, no sense of limitations, single minded.

SENSE OF HUMOR: good! kind of dorky, prone to dragging the shit out of people.

DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: ehhhhh what is often

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: sex working, being alone. she spends so much time surrounded by people that being alone to relax is a luxury.

ANIMAL: she thinks dogs are awesome but she can't be around them without a shitload of benadryl so like, bears?

BEVERAGE: the iced coffee IS surgically attached to her hand, thanks!

BOOK:

CELEBRITY: her parents, corny as that is. least favorite is her brother, who's big on tiktok and habitually trying to use her pool for shenanigans.

COLOR: red

DESIGNER: she's a valentino bitch.

FOOD: a really, really good steak.

FLOWER: gardenias

GEM: pearls

HOLIDAY: christmas

MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: flying

MOVIE: father of the bride

MUSICAL ARTIST: kacey musgraves

SCENERY: the ocean. she's a coastal california girl and she does not like to be far from the water.

SCENT: ocean, gardenias, coffee.

SPORT: baseball

SPORTS TEAM: dodgers

TELEVISION SHOW: nothing specific but she will watch food network competition shows for hours.

WEATHER: bright and sunny

VACATION DESTINATION: exotic and warm.

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: having her career measured on its own merits; oscar. she doesn't not want a family and such outside of that but her career is her focus. she's in a good place and she doesn't want to put anything on pause.

GREATEST FEAR: poppy is alarmingly fearless. the only thing she truly fears is failing herself. nothing else really matters.

MOST AT EASE WHEN: with her family on the ranch in montecito to hang out and relax. she likes being around her sister - marieke is a classics student and has been bouncing about europe for the past seven years and they don't get to see each other very often. marieke is calm and completely removed from hollywood and she's basically the human equivelent of going to a spa.

LEAST AT EASE WHEN: not....no. poppy may be slightly uncomfortable but she is never going to let that show or acknowledge it.

WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: a scandal she can't recover from.

BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: her career, the first time she wasn't mentioned in conjuction with her parents in a magazine article in the first paragraph.

BIGGEST REGRET: nope.

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: she's sure there have been but they're all pretty buried.

BIGGEST SECRET: keiran, 100%.

TOP PRIORITIES: her career. it's a thing she can control.

[juleshq]

*  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎 family  𝟐.𝟑 𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧  net  worth  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  her  fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  her  return  .  you  know  ,  she  was  known  around  town  as  the  𝐂𝐎𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄 and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  pronouns  was  crowned  as  𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐕𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐒 & 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃 .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐘 and  study  𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  she  is  still  very  𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 , 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃 , 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐅𝐔𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄  . hopefully  this  time  next  year  the  plans  to  𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  her  blast  𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫 (𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐄) 𝖇𝖞 𝐤𝐚𝐥𝐢 𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐬  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

i  don’t  think  i’ve  EVER  been  this  excited  to  plot  and interact with a group of people ,  u  all  seem  like  such  beaut  ppl  &  i’m  in  love  already  but   i’m  a  little  . . .  intimidated  ADFJH .  anyways  ,  i’m  not  going  to  ramble  bc  i’m  ready  to  get  down  to  business  ,  i’m  sammie  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  under  the  cut  is  a  long  bio  on  jules !  i  will  GLADLY  give  you  a  synopsis  on  this  chaotic  mess  pls  just  ask  ,  HERE  is  her  pinterest  board  please  ignore  the  sudden  amount  of  pins  of  just  her  , also  i’m  down  to  plot  here  or  on  discord  ,  my  discord  is  @ᵘ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵃ ᵈᵒˡˡᵃʳ ?#3246  

* / BASICS

full name: juliana kaia dicaprio

nicknames: jules , julie / juli 

age & dob: twenty-one , august 14th , 1998

place of birth: long island , new york .

sexuality: heterosexual ( that she knows off )

bender: cisfemale

* /  MORE BASIC INFO

languages: english, french, some spanish.

religion: catholic

education: high school , majoring in biology at stanford

occupation: unemployed

drinks, smokes, & drugs: all of the above

* / PERSONALITY

zodiac sign: leo

likes: dark chocolate , tea in the morning , white roses , instigating bad situations , wine , black coffee , the smell of freshly brewed coffee , talking with strangers , long travels , adventures , being called “ angel ” , popcorn , quick tex responders , products made with silk , athletes , crime shows / films , crowded rooms , glitter .

dislikes: fake designer bags , people who don’t know how to lie , f , people who wear pearls regularly , long text messages , voicemails , men who are cheap , people who chew with their mouth open , humming ,  thrift shops , water-poof mascara , the smell of grass , extensive planning , and arrogance & stupidity combined .

bad habits: breaking promises to herself & others , not thinking before doing , fixating with her hair when nervous .

secret talent: juggling

fears: aging terribly , being widowed , drowning , being buried alive .

positive traits: alluring , convincing , affectionate , ambitious / devoted , systematic .

negative traits: manipulative , conniving , deceitful , dishonest , subjective .

* / APPEARANCE

tattoos: dagger on right index finger , “ devil ” on left index finger .

piercings: three in each ear , cartilage .

* / FAMILY INFO.

parent names: claire boucher & david dicaprio .

parent relationship: divorced .

sibling names: annalise , ashton , keller , & wade .

sibling relationship: step siblings & half .

children: none .

pets: 2 family dogs on her moms side.

* / BIOGRAPHY

i’m sorry it got long

             𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑’s entire childhood was spent in the spotlight -- her father was a huge rockstar in the 70's & 80's, and her mother a model . Claire spent her childhood between Florida , California , and New York , attending red carpets , premieres , etc. Claire attended Stanford to obtain a bachelor in science but was in and out of modeling in her teens and early twenties .

            𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐃 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐎  lived an affluent life more under the radar . His grandfather is CEO of JD banking , one of the four largest banks in the world . He attended Princeton as the rest of his family did . He got involved in the company business at a very young age as did his brothers , but went on to become the new CEO after his fathers unfortunate passing in 2002 .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 was and will forever be her parents pride & joy . her parents were high school sweethearts & got married young -- at a twenty-two / twenty-three . they had been trying for two years to start their own family but jules’ mother struggled . thanksgiving in the hamptons , a dicaprio family tradition the day is engraved in her mothers memory , in 1997 , they announced to their family that after years of trying , they were pregnant .

            𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 grew up completely pampered ; bi-weekly trips to the nail salon with her mother and annual father-daughter trips . her mother was her best friend until she began morphing jules into what she thought was perfect . making sure she spoke at least one other language , was active in school , extracurriculars , how she presented herself . her mother cared about image due to her own childhood of growing up in the spotlight . besides the near brainwash to fit her mother’s image of perfect , everything was ideal &  ‘ normal ’ up until the summer before her freshman year of high school . her mother discovered the affair her father had been having for months with a woman he did business with . he claimed it was due to the fact that jules’ mother had returned to some normalcy and wanted to work again , modeling and doing some traveling , therefore he ‘ just missed her around ’ . jules was aware of everything going on  , heard the countless nights they spent arguing in the opposite wing of the house , she picked up on her father being late to family dinner because “ he had work to do ” . her parents tried their best to keep her in the dark for the sake of her sanity , innocence , and view on her father . jules went along with it all , the daddy’s girl in her was in denial for all of the months leading up to their divorce . at the end , her mother got full custody of her .

             𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐄 came two “ yes ” parents . everything became a competition between the two , trying to one up the other ; who took jules on the better summer vacation , had the most over the top christmas morning , etc . it  was insanely manipulative & jules there wasn’t a time period where jules felt more alone ; not having a sibling to relate to , she was embarassed to tell her peers the real reason why her parents split , it was so cliché . both parents didn’t take too long to remarry , her father found another stay-at-home wife and her mother lucked out with a lawyer ten years older than she . her step-father had two daughtes & son with whom jules hated in the beginning – it  was a lot to take in and she was used to being the only child . her father went on to have a child with his new wife two years after their marriage . it was all an immense amount of change within seven years .

              𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 for jules had been constantly changing since the news of her father’s affair , she’d spend her summers & holiday’s going back & forth between each parents in the hamptons until her father moved to calabasas to be closer to his wife’s family as soon as the baby was born . jules had always been a wild , reckless child at heart and the divorce between her parents only allowed her to push her limits even more . the two-three years her parents spent processing their divorce were her golden years -- she could not get in trouble with her parents and they never got upset with her . she took advantage of it all and abused drinking , hanging out with boys , you name it . she loved the attention she received from any male figure -- it made up for the lack of attention she was getting from her father once he got the boot .

              𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 was where jules found her safe space ; she could be her wild self , far away from home and only a five hour drive from her father that she still rarely sees . she joined a sorority , joined the exec board , was forced to join french club by her mother , all while maintaining a 4.08 gpa .

           *  ` 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐄 jules has always been a wild child . she’s always had a desire for attention , all eyes & attention on her , though the B I R T H of her uncontrollable desire for attention from males stemmed after her parents divorce . the lack of attention from her father allowed her to realize her dad wasn’t the only one who could spoil her & every man was basically the same . she’s not super close with either of her dads at the moment and sees her father about three times a year , two of which are holidays & every now and then the spontaneous visit from him in cali .  

          𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 is a h u g e  cry baby in the sense that she hates not getting what she wants . its not on purpose most of the time , it’s the way she was raised and the nature of her parents . she’s never had to ask for anything twice & hates doing so . though she’s a huge cry baby , she will try her best to mask her actual tears . she does a good job of seeming innocent , she’s that one friend that is super sus & lies a lot & keeps secrets but somehow is so good at convincing people other wise ? she’s a huge flirt , even when she’s not doing it on purpose , it’s sort of a weird practice or habit she’s grown into ? she feels empowered in the weirdest way of owning men and being able to form their opinion of her for them , this stems from her newly founded daddy issues  it’s more so due to the fact that her relationship with her father began to diminish once he moved out . she is & has been on her “ fuck love ” rampage .

       𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 do whatever she wants and will hide her bad intentions . she lives for chaos , loves enjoys pushing limits & boundaries . she loves a game of cat & mouse / teasing just knowing she has someone in her grip is what helps her sleep at night . she is a bit crazy . . .  the type to watch someone’s snap score go up . def that type to block and unblock someone 238473 timES . she has an underlying need of approval from others and she almost needs to be liked by everyone she meets .

     𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 she wants to model & be a playboy bunny BUT her dad would literally disown her if she didn’t follow her family legacy and attend stanford or yale to use her brains for good . she’s in school to be a pediatrician because at the end of the day she loves children and always wanted to seek a job in the healthcare field . she has plans to attend yale’s medical school after her senior year is complete at stanford .

i really based her off of american beauty & angela in the movie ( if you’ve seen it omg ily ) g

[oliverpdaniel]

Let’s talk about casual homophobia.

I wanted to share a transcript of a TikTok video by a minor celebrity (I won't do them the honour of identifying them, but suffice it to say that this individual thrives mostly on controversy and poor publicity), to demonstrate what day-to-day homophobic language looks like. Many of these questions have been asked to me, or tell of real things that I've experienced, due to a generally callous view of queer folks. The quoted parts are the actual video, the unquoted responses mine.

Note in advance that some of these questions are clearly oriented towards gay men, but I am responding from the perspective of a bisexual man. Anyway...

"Okay, these are my questions for the gays – sorry, I was on Straight TikTok for a minute; what?"

Or, as you might like to call it, TikTok. For those unfamiliar, "Gay TikTok" is a small subset of the TikTok community that makes videos primarily revolving around in-jokes and shared experiences of the queer community. Thus, "Straight TikTok" is only extant in contrast, a joking reference to certain, overwhelmingly heteronormative parts of the TikTok community. While I'm not a big fan of the idea of 'ownership' or deciding who's allowed to say what, this (obnoxiously straight, in every sense of the word 'obnoxious') celebrity is trying somewhat unceremoniously to insert themselves into a narrative not their own here. Not off to a great start.

(1) "Would you care if your partner was bisexual?"

Whelp, this is one I can't really answer, can I? But, this still does lean into the old "gold-star" ideology of homosexuality, which makes it off-putting from the jump. For those unfamiliar, a "gold star" gay/lesbian is one who has never had sex with the opposite gender. This is a completely silly distinction, that fails to take into account personal circumstances, as well as – y'know – the fluid nature of human sexuality. TL;DR, even if you're exclusively into one gender, you shouldn't care about your partner's sexual orientation (other than, y'know, making sure it includes your gender) because, leaving aside the absolutely rad underworld of polyamory, they're only going to be into you while they're with you.

(2) "Have you ever been with someone of the opposite gender?"

Ah, more gold-starring! A great way to start. "You're trans? What's your deadname?"

(3) "Do you take offence when a girl calls you her Gay Best Friend?"

The Gay Best Friend is an expendable, non-threatening fount of femininity in masculine form, someone to go clothes-shopping with and who will give you sassy advice on boys. God forbid, however, that the Gay Best Friend try to be vulnerable with you about the difficulties of LGBTQIA+ life; they're only there for sashaying and making out with at parties, right? The Gay Best Friend is an incredibly harmful notion to men on both sides of the sexuality spectrum. Gay (and ESPECIALLY bi/pan/poly) men already know to fear the label, because of the dismissive treatment and expectation of performative homosexuality that comes along with it. Straight men should fight against it, too, because it's a symptom of the present hegemony of heterosexual relationships, which revolves around sexual transactionalism and a healthy dose of gender-role-fuelled intimidation[1]. (If you've never heard any of those words, you're probably the target audience here.)

(4) "Be honest – how many times has a straight person tried to hook you up with a gay person based solely on the fact that they're gay and no other compatibility requirements?" (with a devilish smile, into full blown "oh guuuuuurl" laughter)

This is a real thing that happens to people, myself included, all too frequently. It tells us that when you look at me, you don't think "Oliver", you think "Gay", and next time you meet another gay guy, that's the word ringing through your head. It's not funny. It's hurtful. If you're going to recommend a partner to me, make sure you actually have faith in a connection forming. As someone who ended up in an abusive relationship as a result of overzealous matchmaking, it's not something to be taken lightly; relationships, especially gay relationships and all the societal friction they inevitably entail, are not here for your endearment.

(5) "Are you down to hook up with someone who's 'just curious'?"

MORE gold-starring! God, could you imagine the uproar if a lesbian approached a straight person and said that they "missed dick" and/or wanted to experiment!? Oh, wait, that's already common in straight porn to the point of cliché. Gag; and not the good kind of gag.

(6) "Do you proudly wear the rainbow flag, or are you kinda against it because it kinda segregates?"

...what? When I first found this video, it was being duetted (TikTok's side-by-side video response) by a queer person, and at this point they took the opportunity to say, "I don't like you." I echo the sentiment.

(7) "Are you a 'yaaaaaas kweeeeen' gay or are you, like, 'fuck that shit what the fuck?'"

WE ARE NOT HERE TO PERFORM QUEERNESS FOR YOU. Leaving aside the sociolinguistic aspects of queer language and its intersection with (read: theft from) African-American Vernacular English, if people want to act flamboyantly gay, THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. If people want to act "normal" (read: heteronormatively!!!), that's NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS. Queer people are fucking people, they act differently in different scenarios, and it's not for you to fetishize or to find "too much sometimes". When you accept a queer person into your life, you're accepting every facet of them into your life, for them to live and love unapologetically – not just the parts you find entertaining.

(8) "This might be a dealbreaker for me: do you like musical theatre?"

Yes. But even if I didn't – if I liked drinking beer and watching Nascar (sorry dad), but wish I had a boyfriend to do that with, guess what? That's my own fucking business. And, again, if your idea of a "dealbreaker" when engaging with a gay person is whether or not they like musical theatre – probably one of the most tired stereotypes about gay folks – and not, I dunno, if they're fun to be around and respect your boundaries and opinions, then maybe you're not looking for a gay friend for the right reason.

(9) "Be honest – do you still go through the Chick-Fil-A drivethrough and get that spicy chicken sandwich or those nuggies?" (big, face-scrunching smile.)

This is the one that REALLY got me. This displays just how tone-deaf this person is and how deeply they've objectified the concept of homosexuality for themselves. Chick-Fil-A is a massively homophobic organization from the top down, and they donate millions to organizations that want to bring into question my very right to exist, morally and legally.

As a straight person not affected by these issues, it's easy to say "well, I know I /shouldn't/ go to Chick-Fil-A because of the 'gay stuff', but oh IT'S SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!". It's easy to momentarily forget one's morality because hey, it's not like you're directly hurting anyone, right? But, as a queer person who has to walk by the brand-new Chick-Fil-A at Yonge and Bloor every day on my walk to class, seeing the lines wrapping around the block lets me take direct measure of who, and how many, are willing to forget about me for just long enough to enjoy a fucking chicken sandwich. Go literally anywhere else. Eating at Chick-Fil-A is a choice, and it's a choice that informs me that you care less about my right to live than your own personal enjoyment.

(10) "Do you get upset when they have straight actors portray gay characters?"

This is a whole other debate, so I'm not going to get into the actual subject matter of this question. But hey – maybe, in an industry literally overrun with queer people, maybe we can stop converting a significant and pernicious problem in entertainment into a cutesy debate topic? Something really tells me that this person isn't going to start whipping out the intersectional feminist literature to explain their argument here. In all likelihood, it'll sound more along the lines of "but Eddie Redmayne looked so GOOD in that dress!"

(11) "And what's the GAYEST thing about you?'

Nope. Shut up and choke. I hate you.

Never tell me for a second that homophobia is "over" in Canada/the West/wherever. Never tell me that it's a distant issue, remaining only in far-off religious backwaters. This is what it can look like. Fetishization; dismissal; turning struggles for human dignity into pseudo-intellectual debates.

I'm not here to be your Gay Best Friend.

I'm not here to date your new gay acquaintance.

I'm not here to repeatedly explain to you my need to have rights.

I'm here for the same reasons you are.

I want to live and love, not to be treated like a toy.

Footnotes

[1] Okay, I'm obviously not saying that all straight relationships are built around sexual transactionalism and intimidation, nor am I saying that non-comphet relationships are not. But, in my experience as a reformed Gay Best Friend who has had to provide counsel to cishet friends over some INFURIATINGLY stupid relationship/courting issues, I would argue that a full ninety percent of them could be resolved if the experiencer simply viewed their partner/interlocutor/'tyng' as another human being, rather than being from the mysterious species that is The Opposite Gender.

[diningpageantry]

Guess I’m Clueless

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18320510

Word Count: 1906

Summary: Baz wakes up in the most horrendously terrifying world imaginable--one where he's somehow straight. Or, at least, that's what Penny and Simon try to convince him.

Note: happy april fools everyone!!! thank you to everyone who did my survey, and i hope you enjoy this silly lil fic!

“Good morning, sweet pea.”

My first thought as I wake up is “Why is it so cold in here?”, followed by “Wait, is that Bunce's voice?”, with a close third of “Why the ever living fuck is Bunce calling me sweet pea?!” This, of course, lasts the course of a few seconds before my eyes flick open to see none other than Penelope Bunce lounging in bed beside me. She's in full pajamas, and so am I, but I don't recall a slumber party.

“Where's Snow?” I demand, borderline pouting.

“Why would Simon be in our bed, silly?”

Automatically, I snort in her face. “Okay. Really funny, truly is. I'm in hysterics. Now, tell me where'd he go?”

She looks exaggeratedly stunned, jaw falling open as her hair falls into her face. “Baz… are you okay?” Her hand falls onto my cheek, and it takes all the impulse control in my body to not smack it off. Instead, I wrap my index and thumb around her wrist and pluck it away from my skin, watching it drop back onto the bed.

“He must think he's a goddamn trickster,” I grumble, throwing off the sheets and standing myself up. Replacing his picture frames of us is various pictures of Bunce. Well, all but the one of me at graduation. That one's still in its frame, sat up on the dresser.

Bunce doesn't follow me as I stalk into the hall, partially half asleep but still not in the mood for whatever this prank is. To my relief, Simon's stood up against the stove, shoveling spoonfuls of half-soggy frosted corn flakes into his mouth. He barely acknowledges me, just jutting his chin up to my general direction.

“Okay, fine. Haha. It's hilarious, dear. Now drop the act.”

He turns to me, eyebrows narrowed as he frowns. “What the fuck are you going on about?”

“Bunce? In the bed?”

He blinks at me slowly, and I swear I could slap the bowl out of his hands, then kiss his smug look goodbye. “You mean, you and Penny in your shared bed?”

Reeling at the possibility of me being heterosexual, I look back at the hallway then at him. “You can't be serious, Snow. Really? It isn't even clever.”

He does that I'm-Mocking-Your-Eyebrow-Lift-But-I-Can't-Do-It-Right-So-It-Looks-Like-I'm-Having-A-Stroke thing before lifting the milk to his lips, sipping it away. “Look, mate, I don't know what's going on in your relationship, and I support Penny or whatever, but leave me out of it.”

At this point, I don't even know what's a joke or not. Did I hit my head and imagine my entire life? Or wake up in a different dimension?

Or, better yet, is this the absolute worst nightmare possible--one where I'm straight?

I'm too stunned to move, even when Bunce walks into the kitchen and runs her hand over my forearm. “Shouldn't you be getting ready?” She hums cheerfully. Where the fuck is Micah?! “You have classes in half an hour, babe.”

I swear to Merlin, if this is how Bunce genuinely is in relationships, then I give my condolences to the American. “I… yes. I do.” This is fucking weird.

They both stare at me, looking a bit crosseyed in confusion as I must look equally as so, shaking my head and stomping back to the bedroom--Simon's bedroom.

Searching through the drawers, I see that my clothes are where I left them, but all of Snow's wears are replaced by Bunce's. Whatever I'm missing here is absolutely bloody baffling.

As I'm buttoning up my shirt, I take closer notice to my surroundings. Perfume bottles next to my cologne. An actual hairbrush (Snow likes to say that his fingers work just fine, “Thank you very much”). The bedside that Snow usually sleeps on is occupied by an actual book now, instead of the usual gag coffee table flip through.

Dare I say it's neater too. I'll need to give Snow a mouthful of how easy it would be to pick up after himself--wait what the ever living fuck is going on?

I still look the same in the mirror, and everyone else seems visually equal to how I last saw them. Even Snow's wings are to their usual state, as well as the tail that brushes the floor.

When I'm back in the hallway, messenger bag over my shoulder, I take a second to look around the flat. It's all the same, except Snow's belongings are strewn about what was Bunce's room haphazardly. It's not unexpected to see them so jumbled, yet still a tad excessive.

They're both sitting in the living room as I step in, glancing up at me together as I squint at them. “Okay…” I say slowly, testing their reactions. “Bye… love?”

Bunce smiles at me, her eyes closing as she sing-speaks back. “See you for lunch, darling.” I want to gag.

I look at Snow one last time, squinting more aggressively and waving a hand slightly. He doesn't react--like I'm barely there. I sigh exasperatedly before heading off, walking to class with my earbuds in. This… is awful.

On the walk, I try to think of the catalyst to this. It was a typical evening last night. End of March, but relatively nice. Actually, so nice that Snow and I went on a walk, and stopped for ice cream on the way back. We shared a strawberry scoop.

I grab my wallet from my bag, pulling out the receipt and there it is--strawberry ice cream. Which would be strange, given Bunce loathes strawberry ice cream.

Or maybe she doesn't in this alternate universe? Oh Crowley, I'm giving myself a headache. I hope ibuprofen still exists in this world.

What else happened? We got home, then we went to bed. That's all. That is all. Nothing that would warrant a life change--no sacrificial ceremony (neither of us are virgins now, anyway), no killing our headmaster. Just us sharing a bed.

Strange.

Nothing seems out of the ordinary when I get to class either. It's the usual lecture, and I'm out by 11. I suppose it's time to get lunch with Bunce, now. In fact, I don't even have to check my mobile, as she's standing outside the building waiting for me beside a seemingly unamused Snow. Whatever act this is, it proves neither of them should try out for the theatre.

Bunce wraps her arm around mine, and I impulsively jerk away. She frowns until I feel too guilty to not let her, keeping a good distance while she holds. “How was class, sweetheart?”

Fucking hell. “Erm… okay…” I say slowly, trying to get a good eyeful of Snow. He's face-forward, locked ahead as we stroll towards the usual sandwich shop. “As it is everyday, I suppose.”

Bunce's other hand rests on my arm as well, making my face go sour. Dear Merlin, I'm sorry for what I've done to deserve this hell on Earth.

She thankfully breaks away at the shop, leaving enough room for me to slide in next to Snow. He gives me an odd once over, then straightens his shoulders and looks back ahead. That bastard.

After we order and sit, an awkward silence washes over us. I sort of stare down at my meal, hand resting casually over my face.

“Afternoon plans for you two?” Snow asks gruffly, picking at his chips. Maybe I'll fuck with him.

Oh, I’ll definitely fuck with him. “Perhaps I'll get a tramp stamp in the shape of Sweden,” I shrug. “Or maybe I'll just go drain the Queen.”

He doesn't bat an eye, which sends me pouting.

Bunce shrugs her shoulders. “Whatever Bazzy wants, I want too.”

“Oh for Merlin's sake!” I snap, hands flying up as I gawk forward at the empty space in front of me.

They both turn to me, Bunce frowning and Snow looking a tad amused before he wipes it off with an almost confusion.

“What's gotten into you, mate?” He asks.

“Are you okay, love?” Bunce adds.

For a full few seconds, I just stare forward, blinking blankly as I wear a distressed-bordering shock on my face. “Aleister Crowley, what the fuck is going on,” I mumble, exhaling slowly. I don't even pay attention to them, closing my eyes as I breathe.

I swear I hear snickering, but as my eyes flutter back open, they're silent.

I pick at my food, then wrap it back up in the bag I got it in. That's it. Not hungry anymore. “I'm going to class,” I mumble, picking up and going without another word. This day is a nightmare come alive.

I get there about 20 minutes early, sitting in my seat and staring blankly at the wall. I just want someone to tell me I don't have to snog Bunce.

Okay, I want that and to have my boyfriend back, but the former is at the forefront of my mind.

I space out for most of class, and the walk back isn't much better. I plug back into my music and check my phone for what feels like the first time today.

Actually, I think it is the first time today, given I'm just seeing the date now. “Oh those little pricks,” I say aloud, sliding my mobile back into my pocket and taking the walk at twice my usual speed.

After climbing the stairs two at a time, I practically slam the front door open, making Snow jump in his spot on the couch. “You little…”

He looks innocent, a tiny smile creeping onto his cheeks. “Morgana, what's got you in a huff?” He says, raising his hands up. I take off my bag, tossing it onto the armchair as I cross my arms.

“Really? April fucking fools?”

He starts grinning, then laughing, staring up at me as I fume.

“Oh fuck you, you spineless little bastard. Wasn't even funny.”

“You should've seen yourself today!” He wheezes, face in full smile as he scoots over to let me beside him. “Fucking hell, your face at lunch!”

“That was awful,” I grumble, aggressively flopping down beside him while immediately latching onto him, circling his waist with my arms as I tug him close. I just need a proper hug.

“In our defense,” he add, starting to come down from his amusement, “we thought you'd see the date much earlier. When you didn't say anything this morning, Penn and I figured we'd let it go on for as long as we could.”

My face buries into his shoulder, nose scrunching as I feel his arms loop around me, holding me closer. I should be pissed, and deep down I am, but Crowley, I don't want to let go. “You're a little prick and I hope you know that.” I inhale slowly, squeezing my eyes shut. “You really are awful, and I hate you with every fiber of my being.”

“Oh yeah?” He teases, smiling. “Prove it.”

I pull back carefully, wrinkling my nose at him before quickly pressing a kiss to his lips. His hands slide down, holding my hips even as I pull back.

“You're the worst human I've ever met,” I continue. He leans back in for a kiss. I let him, pouting against his lips and speaking once we break again. “Absolute travesty that I have to put up with you.”

“Oh yeah, baby, talk dirty to me,” he teases, smirking as I grab his face and go to snog him breathless.

[scphixs-blog]

♡   ——   CHARACTER CHALLENGE !!

𝖈𝖗𝖔𝖜𝖓𝖘 𝖍𝖖𝖘 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖓𝖌𝖊 // 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖙𝖚𝖉𝖞 word count : 2.8 k // points : 30.

001.  describe  your  characters’  relationship  with  their  mother  or  father,  or  both.  minimum  word  count:  150.

Dismissive and deceptively distant. While Sophia is the embodiment of a teen who can’t stand her parents, this is massively untrue. Especially in regards to her mother. She perceives herself as emotionally detached from all persons but this couldn’t be further from the true disposition of her character. As a child, she ached for her mother’s affection that was distributed between three children. Being the middle of those three, it was seemingly difficult to be noticed which manifested into an unrelenting rage towards the only person she could project her anger onto; her little brother. As for her father, her connection to him was not as steadfast as the bond she upheld with her mother. Her relationship with her father was always more formal with brief moments of fatherly companionship. But her love for him was always viable and grounded.

002.  what  are  your  characters’  most  prominent  physical  features?  what  is  a  feature  that  they  are  most  insecure  about?  what  are  they  proudest  of?

Her most commonly attributed traits throughout her life were her blonde hair and green eyes. A very peculiar combination to many that invoked the bewitchment of many suitors in the french court. However, her height always made her feel relatively insecure but not so much as the moles located on her neck. She has heard such markings are the work of the antichrist and commonly associated with witchcraft. To avert attention from them, she prefers to wear bedazzling garnishments around her neck with a headpiece that cascades down her shoulders. Her proudest feature is awkwardly her nose. This feature appears particularly Austrian and Sophia is known to be incredibly prideful of her homeland.

003.  how  vain  is  your  character?  do  they  find  themselves  attractive?  what  is  their  worst  flaw,  and  are  they  aware  of  it?

Sophia doesn’t weight her value on her appearance nor is it something that commonly afflicts her. Growing up in the french court, she was known as an Austrian beauty. The French were besotted with her for her appearance and many suitors attempted to vie for her hand in marriage since she was 15. Her perception of beauty is more weighted on the characteristics of a person rather than their outwardly visage. In that respect, she does find herself attractive. But in consideration of her semblance, she thinks herself plain. Not ugly but not outrageously pulchritudinous. Her greatest flaw, in her own eyes, are the moles on her neck. She also has some sparse freckles around her nose she feels as though she could do without.

004.  what  is  your  character’s  ranking  on  the  kinsey  scale?

She scored a 2. I regard Sophia as being pansexual but favoring being heterosexual for the rate at which it’s accepted. She has had sexual fantasies involving women and her curiosity for it is wild. Mostly, her attraction is not weighted on gender, but the disposition of one’s character. She holds very high standards, but appearances and sex is not a defining factor in her attraction to anyone.

005.  describe  your  character’s  happiest  memory.  minimum  word  count:  150.

Sadly, Sophia’s happiest memory also entwines with her saddest. On the day of her husband’s death, she attended mass with the people of Luxembourg as it was a Sunday. Her bravery and composition was astounding enough to move several others to tears in mourning for both her and her deceased husband. The people of Luxembourg accumulated outside of the cathedral once the service was over to honor and praise her. As she made way from the cathedral to her carriage, a path was created for her where many stood to the side to bless her as she walked by during snowfall. Some were shivering and still awaited the moment of their opportunity to admire her. While she maintained her composure for the better half of the excursion, she broke into tears upon seating herself within her carriage, overwhelmed by the conflicting feelings of both love and grief. In her life, she had never felt so loved by a people. It was an intoxicating sentiment of reverence and something she desired even more after experiencing it.

006.  is  there  one  event  in  your  characters’  life  that  they  would  like  to  erase  from  their  past?  why?  minimum  word  count:  200.

So I hate to be this person, but there aren’t any regrets Sophia holds onto as everything does seem to happen for a reason; the continuity of fate and cause and effect. Even the death of her husband is not something she would take back for she would be taking back the sacred vibes of their memories together that i think she would be thankless for had his death not occurred. As well as her drive to strive for more for herself and her future kin. if she were to take back anything, it would be something as minute as a poor fashion taste when she was 12. Something that wouldn’t affect her timeline but perhaps spare her some embarrassment for sake of image. For all that she is and hopes to be, Sophia gives thanks to her past and every bad moment of that past no matter the circumstances. All of it was meant to be apart of her story no matter how sad or without justice it was. I also believe this ideal shows how much she has matured in the last few years as if you asked her this when she was little, she probably would like to erase a lot of things to spare her of her grief.

007.  let’s  talk  favourites!  what  is  their  favourite  colour,  food,  and  season?   what,  in  a  modern  setting,  would  be  your  character’s  favourite  song?  

Sophia likes delicate colors, specifically whites and yellows. She definitely has a sweet tooth and adores dark chocolate but also enjoys fruits like peaches and grapes. Her favorite season is winter as she loves snow but she also greatly admires autumn for its colors. Her favorite song in a modern era would be All I Do Is Cry by Kim Petras. Honestly, she would be a huge Kim Petras and Slayyyter fan. She would have been so into Britney Spears as a child and would definitely need that modern Britney vibe in music she likes.

008.  can  you  define  a  turning  point  in  your  character’s  life?

i think the pivotal point in Sophia’s timeline of events was her being sent to France. It really did end up paving the way for who she would become and also aided in the union to Luxembourg that would ultimately show her a taste of leadership and power.

009.  is  your  character  an  early  morning  bird  or  a  night  owl?  at  what  time  do  they  get  most  of  their  work  done?

Both. Sophia doesn’t sleep very much and never has been a well sleeper which was a nightmare when she was a toddler. She suffers from insomnia, though this is not yet diagnosable so it’s just safe to say she’s terrible at sleeping and averages maybe 5 hours of sleep a night. In my head, she does wear very light makeup to cover dark circles from her lack of sleep but sometimes they can be particularly dark and difficult to conceal. 

010  a.  what  other  character,  a  npc  or  someone  apart  of  the  rp,  is  your  character  completely  real  with?  who  knows  them  best,  has  seen  them  at  their  most  vulnerable,  knows  their  innermost  and  basest  fears?   Sophia was incredibly reserved in the beginning of her marriage to Guillaume. She disliked him, being still young and naive when they first married as she trusted rumors he was ugly and disabled and his disposition matched his countenance. However, he was quite the opposite. His disfigurement was one leg was an inch shorter than the other which caused a limp and required him to use a cane to walk but he was otherwise handsome and kind. He was a solemn man, yet very humorous in her presence and considerate of her feelings. Even when he barely knew her, he prioritized her comfort. Slowly, Sophia eased up to him and became very open, sharing many of her secrets, desires and fears with him. She was most vulnerable to him, knowing he would never take advantage of this information. All in all, he was not only her husband, but her closest friend and confidant. His death made her a lot more reserved to opening herself up to others with the idea instilled that everyone goes away in the end and their love can only go so far.

011.  is  your  character  a  neat  or  messy  person?

She is very neat without question. Her organization skills are astounding as she believes organization is part of being a good leader. That and I do believe messes give her a great deal of anxiety for a lack of a better term. She already has a hard enough time sleeping, but trying to sleep when she knows there is a mess somewhere in her chambers? Absolutely not happening.

012.  does  your  character  have  any  irrational  fears  or  phobias?

A fear of becoming irrelevant in history. She wants to make her mark. She wants to be remembered for her accomplishments and contributions to the advancement of history. She’s very into philosophy and considers often the insignificance of life which frightens her. She can only prevent it the best way she knows how which is through her ambitions.

013.  does  your  character  have  an  underlying  passion  or  trait  that  influences  all  aspects  of  their  life?

I wouldn’t say it’s underlying considering it defines her existence. But her passion for leadership; for the advancement of humanity. She believes ideas and theories are constantly evolving and that they will one day live in a world so advanced beyond her recognition. Her duty to the world is to be a stepping stone in that advancement. To prevent sickness, cure and abolish poverty; these are all things she thinks the future holds and it’s important to her to be apart of that in her contribution. She absolutely strives for power but I think in a good way. Not for the purpose of unfound riches and praise but to propel her successors into a better, more viable future.

014.  what  might  your  character’s  ideal  romantic  person  be?

Someone who she can trust. Someone that respects her ideals and is capable of listening to her opinions. As well as a person she can share laughs with. I think she’s prepared to deal with the likelihood of infidelity given that she’s likely to marry into high status. I can’t say she would particularly like it, but it’s definitely expected in these circumstances. If things were more simple, I think she could easily have everything she dreams of in a companion. But because of the cards she was dealt and the life she continues to accept and even want, her standards for whats acceptable are relatively low. But for falling in love, she does have particularly high standards. I just don’t think she believes she will find true love in the same way she was fortunate enough to find it with Guillaume.

015.  describe  your  character’s  hands.  are  they  small,  long,  calloused,  smooth,  stubby,  dexterous  or  clumsy?  do  they  wear  any  jewelry  and  would  they  wear  polish  in  a  modern  setting?

She has elongated fingers with nails filed into an oval shape that slightly extend over her nailbed. Her knuckles and fingertips are red and both her middle fingers are crooked. She wears several rings on her hands but switches the specific rings out according to what she wears that day. So it’s often different. Jewelry and overall fashion is her way of displaying her wealth and I don’t think she’s afraid to go over the top. In a modern setting, she would be getting manicures every two weeks. The coffin shaped nails with rings stacked. I think she would primarily go for singular colors with an accent nail, but sometimes she will feel festive like during halloween or christmas and get specific designs done on her nails.

016.  how  does  your  character  smell?  what  is  their  favourite  scent?

Sophia is particular about smells but doesn’t like them to be overpowering. She prefers subtle hints. She likes to burn incense within the confinements of her chambers both for the pleasant smell and the calming effect they provide. She also keeps a bowl of rosewater in her chambers at all times to wash her hands and face. Most predominantly, she smells of lavender from the lavender oil she spreads on her wrists, neck and chest. Her favorite scent however is the smell of rain incoming. She also enjoys the scents of fruits and sweets which is perhaps why she likes them so much.

017.  how  would  your  muse  describe  their  religious  beliefs?

She is a devout Catholic but not extremely religious. She goes to mass like most others and prays often. But I don’t think it extends beyond that. She already trusts she has been accepted into God’s kingdom and will be rewarded for the things she will come to make of herself in the future. She is very confident in her future tenure and what she has already accomplished.

018.  what  rules  does  your  muse  live  by,  if  any?

Don’t trust anyone. Always have a purpose and direction. Never feel satisfied with your work as there is always room for improvement. I think these are her main principles that really guide her through life.

019.  does  your  muse  overshare,  or  are  they  more  private?

Definitely private. She has a tendency to not speak unless spoken to. However, she gives much voice to her opinions on significant matters. But as far as her feelings go, I think anyone is more likely to get struck by lightning than see the day Sophia opens up and overshares. And if she did, I think she would be absolutely mortified upon realizing she may have said too much. She is very cautious of what she says, giving consideration to her future prospects.

020.  is  your  muse  a  gossiper?  are  they  more  likely  to  argue  with  their  fists  or  tongue?  what  does  their  voice  sound  like?

Sophia is a listener. She does not engage in gossip by contributing, but she does encourage others to speak it to her through manipulative tactics. It keeps her a step ahead to know. She is definitely more likely to use her tongue as her primary weapon due to her sharp wit and power being Her Imperial Highness of Austria. Her voice is very soft and melodic. Despite Austrian German being her first language, she puts a profound effort in correct annunciation and even accents of other languages she knows. She is very fluid with her speech, though her accent will show through from time to time.

021.  is  your  muse  a …  pessimist  or  optimist …  lover  or  fighter … believer  in  happy  endings …  believer  in  love  at  first  sight?

She is more a realist than anything. If a situation is plausible, she’s definitely more on the optimistic side and does believe good things come to those with good intentions. But she can also tell when something is looking grim and doesn’t desire to get her hopes compromised. So she remains fairly neutral. I can’t say she believes in happy endings because everyone eventually dies and that’s not quite so happy but she does believe in accomplishing the things you want in a lifetime and departing of this world satisfied with what you’ve made of your time. She does not believe in love at first sight as she is not one to fall in love with looks. It takes time for her to fall for someone.

022.  what  sense  of  humour  does  your  character  have?

She can be a little vicious with her humor but this humorous side only comes out when she feels comfortable with someone so it’s still a good sign. Otherwise, I wouldn’t say she has much of a sense of humor. Just quick wit.

023.  what  bad  habits  does  your  character  have?

Nothing terrible like gambling or excessive drinking. Her bad habits are rather silly but her mother would always scold her for them. Like nail biting or rubbing her nose. For some reason, she likes her hands near her face as some sort of comfort mechanism.

024.  how  does  your  character  feel  about  growing  old?

She’s okay with it as long as she does something with herself. Elderly women are often regarded with much prestige and recognition as significant figures in politics. However, it does bother her she’s considered to be at a point where she should have two children by now. She fears her biological clock is ticking as a woman. Which is funny to me considering 23 is still a baby honestly.

025.  does  your  character  prefer  adventure  to  safety  and  security?

She doesn’t strike me as being super adventurous because she’s definitely more focused on other things like sovereignty. She loves being outdoors, especially in the winter, but I don’t see her venturing beyond confinements she’s familiar with. So I would say she prefers safety and security.

[alexandercfengland]

challenge  iii (  character  study. )

001.  describe  your  characters’  relationship  with  their  mother  or  father,  or  both.  

in regard to alexander’s relationship, he is extremely close and fond of his mother. she has always been the world to him and his number one support. he has relied on her for advice and followed her by example, seeing only the best in her despite what anyone else says. in contrast, his relationship with his father is far less intimate as there are unspoken boundaries. alexander doesn’t have any issues with his father but does not really share the same closeness as he does with his mother. while he may be indifferent generally to his father, he does care and love him. both of his parents share such love and happiness that he is happy. 

002.  what  are  your  characters’  most  prominent  physical  features?  what  is  a  feature  that  they  are  most  insecure  about?  what  are  they  proudest  of?

he has a very nicely chiseled jawline and a very charming and cheeky smile. he likes his wavy chestnut hair and honey colored eyes - all traits and genetics inherited by his lovely mother. in general, alexander wouldn’t say he has any features that he’s insecure about. in fact, he’s rather proud of his face and believes himself to be very attractive. perhaps the closest things he could say that he would wish he could fix would be the angle at which his ears tilt but it’s severely minor that it wouldn’t really count. 

003.  how  vain  is  your  character?  do  they  find  themselves  attractive?  what  is  their  worst  flaw,  and  are  they  aware  of  it?

alexander is extremely shallow and certainly believes himself to be very handsome. he matches his elder brother in height, standing at 6′3 so he’s massive. his proportions are also appealing as his legs are long and his body toned from the outdoor activities in participates in. in terms of flaws, well, he doesn’t really think about it. most of the time he dismisses any critiques as he thinks himself above it. 

004.  what  is  your  character’s  ranking  on  the  kinsey  scale?

3  so   bisexual,  equally  heterosexual  and  homosexual.

005.  describe  your  character’s  happiest  memory.  minimum  word  count:  

there are many good memories in alexander’s childhood which is to say that his mother had given him many opportunities to be carefree. perhaps one of his happiest memories is tied to the time when he was allowed to received and rode his first horse with the help of his father and under the watchful eye of his mother. in that moment alexander felt special. there was no one else around to criticize the trio and it was also a chance to feel like he belonged. it also then and there that he is told by his father that his royal birthright shall be acknowledged and brought to light. he shall be a prince. 

006.  is  there  one  event  in  your  characters’  life  that  they  would  like  to  erase  from  their  past?  why?  minimum  word  count:  200.

there aren’t too many things that alexander finds the need to erase from the past. if anything, he would wish that his mother had been made the rightful queen earlier and that his siblings were legitimized as he was. he would’ve wished that his mother been spared of the rumors of being a seductress and a whore - wishing that she was loved by the people instead. he’d even go as far to say that he would prefer it better if his elder siblings had been spared the anguish of losing their mother by just erasing the fact that their mother was even wed to england in the first place. it would’ve solved far more of the problems (needless to say) much of this is ingrained in the fact that alexander is neither fond of his elder sister or the crown prince. but truthfully, much more of his annoyance is targeted at the latter. such sentiments wouldn’t exist if harry had chosen to utilize alexander as an ally rather than an enemy. and much of this is rooted in bitterness that the crown prince intends on disposing queen isabel and all of her children in favor of starting a new reign. 

007.  let’s  talk  favourites!  what  is  their  favourite  colour,  food,  and  season?   what,  in  a  modern  setting,  would  be  your  character’s  favourite  song?  

alexander’s favorite color would be navy which is usually paired with hints of silver or dark forest green - shades usually bright in color like emerald which compliment both his complexion and his visage. with food, he loves anything with meat, preferring eating pork the most. alexander has always been fond of the summer weather seeing that it’s warmer and brighter. plus its an excuse for him to escape into the outdoors to strengthen his physique and flaunt his body as well. in a modern au, he’d be the type to listen to panic at the disco (specifically) saturday night. 

008.  can  you  define  a  turning  point  in  your  character’s  life?

when alexander was legitimized, it changed everything. it gave him opportunities he would’ve never been open to. it also made him feel more inclined to devote his livelihood to protect and accomplish great things for his mother. 

009.  is  your  character  an  early  morning  bird  or  a  night  owl?  at  what  time  do  they  get  most  of  their  work  done?

generally I would say alexander is a night owl, he has always preferred staying up late and enjoying the stars. but if needed, he is also capable of being an early riser though this occurs often with a groan and a complaint. he likes to do his work in the morning so he can have the clearest mind and spend the rest of the day doing whatever he pleases. 

010  a.  what  other  character,  a  npc  or  someone  apart  of  the  rp,  is  your  character  completely  real  with?  who  knows  them  best,  has  seen  them  at  their  most  vulnerable,  knows  their  innermost  and  basest  fears?  

this would easily be his mother. alexander has always been comfortable with his mother and has no shame in sharing his vulnerabilities. she knows his heart well and has always cared for him and so in return, he shares the same mutual affection. while he is close with his full blooded siblings, he isn’t keen on showing them any weaknesses lest they worry for him. 

011.  is  your  character  a  neat  or  messy  person?

alexander is a messy person. he doesn’t care for organization and tends to leave a mess for other people to clean up behind him. he cares about his own hygiene but other than that, the way in which he rolls out of bed unmade is a habit he has long been accustomed to. while he doesn’t bother with doing these tasks, he’s always mindful of thanking the servants who tend to his area so that his space shall be well kept. 

012.  does  your  character  have  any  irrational  fears  or  phobias?

alexander’s fear would always been with any threats regarding his immediate family. perhaps the one he worries for the most would be his mother seeing as she is his world. 

he is also afraid of becoming incompetent or useless - tainting a legacy that he intends to build for the neville lineage. he shoulders the weight of the expectations and does the best of what he can do. but if were to die without achieving the success on the behalf of his family, he would live with unforgotten regret and self loathing. 

013.  does  your  character  have  an  underlying  passion  or  trait  that  influences  all  aspects  of  their  life?

most of what he does is on the behalf of his mother - his sheer and utter devotion to make her proud is how his world revolves. he definetly considers her opinions and takes her advice seriously. his neville uncles and aunts play an important role in shaping alexander’s childhood as well and their influence still reside in him. 

014.  what  might  your  character’s  ideal  romantic  person  be?

well first and foremost, alexander is very shallow - usually finding appeal in pretty and beautiful things. he is still immature in the field of love and prefers to fool around instead of the pursuit of something longterm and serious. 

but i think the type of person that would suit alexander would be older and somewhat reminiscent of his mother (he’s got a big mother complex), someone who he can say nothing and they’ll understand him. a person who will be patient with him when he is confused, angry and conflicted is also a big factor. he needs someone who can humor him and keep his attention span, perhaps give him a run for his money. whoever is able to romantically lock down alexander - well, he’d fall hard. 

at the moment he has no interest in commitment and refuses to sire any bastard children so has been in more intimate relationships with men than women. to be honest, his relationship with males are much easier to navigate with women. in a woman, alexander would want to pursue a romance as strong as his father’s and mothers. 

015.  describe  your  character’s  hands.  are  they  small,  long,  calloused,  smooth,  stubby,  dexterous  or  clumsy?  do  they  wear  any  jewelry  and  would  they  wear  polish  in  a  modern  setting?

alexander has nimble long fingers and large palms that are softer in nature than typical which demonstrate his privilege as a noble for he never had to do any manual labor. he has a scar running down his left hand from a jousting incident. he does have some callouses from participating in athletics but they aren’t evidently noticeable. in general his hands are rather unmarred and he wears only one ring which was a heirloom from his neville grandparents. 

016.  how  does  your  character  smell?  what  is  their  favourite  scent?

alexander is very keen on keeping up his hygiene (revolutionary at the time, ain’t it) and making sure he looks well groomed. he likes to bathe with rosewater so usually there’s always a scent of flowers wafting from him. otherwise, he spends a good deal of time outdoors participating in a variety of sports. and so he will have a hint of cedar and pine. 

in terms of the scent of other people, he has always liked flowers, particularly roses, sweet peas and lilies. he also enjoys the smell of sweet honey and on occasion a sharper scent like cinnamon. 

017.  how  would  your  muse  describe  their  religious  beliefs?

alexander is catholic by birth and by status but his religious stance is nowhere as devoted as his brother’s edmund. he takes much of what the church says with a grain of salt. he understands that when he is expected to wed, his wife shall be properly catholic and together they shall uphold the traditions of the court. but personally, alexander doesn’t think much of religion. though he does have a fear of God so he’d rather abide instead of fight. 

018.  what  rules  does  your  muse  live  by,  if  any?

anything his mother says he shall keep an open ear to. he often grits his teeth at the protocol expected of him by his elder siblings, he follows as decorum instructs. however he gladly disposes of rules in times of favor when he can use his status as prince to do what he pleases (so long as no scandal were to arise). 

019.  does  your  muse  overshare,  or  are  they  more  private?

alexander generally is a private person despite his seemingly more extroverted personality. he only truly overshares with those he fully believes he can trust or else he maintains a barrier to outsiders. 

020.  is  your  muse  a  gossiper?  are  they  more  likely  to  argue  with  their  fists  or  tongue?  what  does  their  voice  sound  like?

i would say alexander is more inclined to hear about gossip to stay informed of the schemes at court but he wouldn’t dare spout nonsense lest it fall into the wrong ears. alexander has both brains and brawns and usually has an even temper so he prefers to spar with his tongue. however if pushed to his limits, he has no qualms in using his fists to fight. 

021.  is  your  muse  a …  pessimist  or  optimist …  lover  or  fighter … believer  in  happy  endings …  believer  in  love  at  first  sight?

generally, alexander is fairly fifty fifty. he’s pessimistic with the future of his brother taking reign over the throne but optimist that his mother and the rest of his fully related siblings shall secure their places and be unmoved from their positions. alexander would like to believe in happy endings but has no desire to achieve them if such things didn’t occur naturally. i believe alexander would be a bigger advocate for lust at first sight. his concept of loving outside of family is little to none so i do not think he has any care for it. 

022.  what  sense  of  humour  does  your  character  have?

alexander is still rather immature and at times, idiotic. his sense of humor can be vulgar but that usually occurs if he’s intoxicated. otherwise, to those who he finds to be good company, he is rather teasing in nature. 

023.  what  bad  habits  does  your  character  have?

sleeping around with both married and unwed characters would probably be the worst he’s done. drinking is another vice and has a natural inclination to be a hoarder. he likes to collect useless things especially when they’re gifts. 

024.  how  does  your  character  feel  about  growing  old?

alexander doesn’t mind aging however, he is concerned that when more time passes, his end with his mother shall come nearer. otherwise, he does look upon growing older with an optimism. he knows that he can secure his place as he matures as his relations with most people are well received. he also awaits for a day where he may have a chance at seizing the throne, perhaps proving his brothers incompetence and taking the power swiftly from his hands. 

025.  does  your  character  prefer  adventure  to  safety  and  security?

in his childhood, alexander was a curious child who would try almost anything and everything - perhaps panicking the servants and his mother alike. but now that he is older, alexander prizes security first and foremost because of his line in succession as well as others. 

[hanculs-blog]

♔‘ﾟ‣ { TASK 001 } — ❝ haneul’s profile ❞

                                 I’m not too gone to be                                                           healed, am I ?                                        I’m not                                                       too gone                                                                             am i ?

tw: mention of alcohol, death & murder.

GENERAL INFO

full name: park haneul nicknames: hani, han, oney gender & pronouns: cis-female, she/her sexual & romantic orientation: heterosexual and heteroromantic age & dob: 22, 1996/07/15 birthplace: daegu parent & siblings: park jongin (father), kang gahyeon (mother) & park hanjun, (older brother, deceased) pets: dal (mixed samoyed dog) & bam (stray cat) astrological sign: cancer dominant hand: left handwriting style: a bit unreadable, almost kind of cursive, not terrible. languages known: native korean, medium english & basic japanese. religion: agnostic atheist current living arrangements: her brother’s apartment. it has one room, one bathroom, a small kitchen, a nice living room and a small balcony; it still looks almost the same way he left it. not on the best area but could be worse. certainty an improvement from her old shared apartment. occupation: dancer, occasional bartender, influencer

PHYSICAL

picture reference: click blood type: O nationality: korean skin tone: light birthmarks & scars: a very distinguishing beauty spot on her nose, probably some small scars here and there. height: 1.66 m build: slender, athletic, kind of petite. hair color: naturally medium brown, sometimes tinted black or light brown. hair length: usually long. eye color: dark brown, sometimes wears colored lenses. diet: very diverse, sometimes a bit meat-heavy, she really enjoys food and actually doesn’t restrict her eating that much. exercise & level of fitness: compensates her lack of a strict diet with exercise. visits regularly the gym and, of course, as a dancer, goes to long practice routines that could count as a full work out. how’s their posture?: quite a good posture due to her dancing background, mostly straight and proper but not stuck up, a bit relaxed. may slouch veeery occasionally. typical style of dress: red and black are her go-to colors. there’s almost always some leather, her jacket, or her skirt, or her shoes. sexy with a bit of glam. tends to show a bit of skin but not too much actually. skinny jeans and a crop-top, a high waist skirt with a silk blouse. and, although not dress-related, really enjoys glittery eye make-up and red lips. body modifications: multiple ear piercings (one on the left lobe and two left helixes, three on the right lobe and one right helix) and some small tattoos (yet to be described).

MANNERISMS

how does your muse walk?: like the dancer she is, there’s a natural cadence in the way she moves and a lot of confidence. how does your muse talk?: kind of smooth and mellowly but not overtly sweet, controlled one could say. the speed varies with her emotions or intentions a lot. it can become harsh and cutting very easily though. hat accent does your muse talk with?: usually in the typical daegu satoori with lots of slang very much associated to the peripheral poor neighborhoods, basically you can tell where she’s from in one or two sentences. but she can switch to a more neutral tone since she sometimes works directly with the public. how would you describe the tone of their voice? are they loud or quiet?: it’s actually kinda deep for a girl, at least definitely not high pitched. not loud but neither quiet, she basically can get herself listen. what does their laugh sound like?: she actually has a silent laughter, almost no sound coming out of her mouth, but if she’s laughing very very heavily then she can be quite loud. how does your muse typically smell?: there’s almost no occasion she won’t use at least a bit of perfume before going out, but she doesn’t go for strong ones and prefers light refreshing scents. what kind of air do they carry?: like she already owns your soul. do they have any catchphrases?: probably some curses. what are their nervous ticks?: movement, that being her fingers tapping the table or playing with her hair, pacing, swinging her feet. basically it’s difficult for her to get completely still.

PSYCHOLOGY

what makes your muse happiest?: doing what she loves, enjoying herself with engaging people, being with her brother, spending time with @myvngok​, exercising, causing mayhem in the streets. what upsets them the most?: judgmental people mostly, feeling caged, being out of control, people badmouthing those she cares about. does your muse have any quirks?: she flirts as she speaks. what are their hobbies? how frequent do they do them?: dancing, clubbing/partying, going out with people, drinking, cooking (not the best cook but she has fun), watching horror or crappy comedic movies. she does them when she pleases. do they have any guilty pleasures?: perhaps kpop, she’s very into it, even obscure survival & variety shows. but she doesn’t consider it an actually guilty pleasure. is your muse an extrovert or an introvert? neither?: socially extroverted, emotionally introverted. do they have high or low self-esteem? what about confidence?: at first instance, she has very high confidence but more than anything it’s an attitude. she tells herself she’s great and is sure of everything hoping it’d come true. are they easily stressed and how do they normally respond to it?: usually not, she’s very laid-back and chill for most of the time. but certain very specific situations, when they get out of her control, can stress her very much and completely freak her out. she doesn’t externalize that panic, though, instead goes deep into her thoughts, where for sure everything will mess her up even more and produce a big emotional outburst. what is your muses worst fear?: loneliness & lack of love. what is your muses biggest dream?: safety, she want’s to feel safe and loved and cherished and at ease with herself and the world. is your muse a morning person or a night dragon?: for sure a night dragon, almost the majority of her daily activities occur at night or late in the day. how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it?: average? she’s not the brightest bulb out there but for sure she’s neither stupid. she doesn’t have the greatest academic knowledge but is well versed in practical stuff and street-wits. describe their sense of humor: ironic, witty, deadpan snarker.

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES

are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships?: yes to the first, no to the second. what is their experience with relationships?: complicated, troubled, turbulent. how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one?: amazing concept, and yes she has had more than one. how important is sex to your muse?: very important. what are their biggest turn on and turn offs?: that would require a whole questionnaire itself. let’s just say there are plenty things she’ll go with and that she’s quite experimental, but if we had to point some, that be: praising, dirty-talk & teasing. she also has some deal-breakers, for example, she’s not into daddy-kinks or derogatory language. does your muse find it easy to make friends?: it’s easy for her to make friends since she has a very entrancing personality, but usually “friends” are simply people she enjoys spending some time together and that’s all. close friends, those she confides with, are more difficult to make. how important is friendship to them?: good/close friends are very important but she may not show it that much. quantity or quality of friends?: quality for sure. how important is family?: more important that what it may seem at first sight. hanjun was literally the most important person in her life. and she does care a lot about her mother, even though she gets on her nerves constantly and usually doesn’t shows it. are they close to their family?: see above for her relationship with her brother and her mother, hanjun was the closest person in haneul’s life up until his death. as for her father, he left them when she was six and there’s been no contact between them. she has little memory of the man besides him cursing at her mother.

FAVORITES

activity: sex dancing. animal: cat. beverage: alcohol, coffee. color: red & black. designer: @arxum​ ? she’s really not much into designer clothes since she can’t barely afford them. food: pork meat. flower: rose. gem: red quartz, black opal & bloodstone. holiday: doesn’t care, just give her free days. mode of transportation: her motorcycle, there’s also her brother’s car but she never uses it. quote: keep going forward. scenery: the city at night, silent, with its lights vibrating, far away echoes of music and a clear sky. scent: coffee, fire, wood, cleanness & vanille. weather: stormy or cloudy.

ATTITUDES

greatest dream: get an actual real serious job as a dancer, establish herself as a person, find her path, have a family one day. greatest fear: loneliness & failure. most at ease when: dancing or wandering the street with nice company. least as ease when: she’s alone with her thoughts, in a hospital or out of control of a situation. worst possible thing that could happen: any other person she cares dying or getting very ill probably, or getting an injury that would affect her mobility drastically. biggest achievement: being still alive and kicking and functional? i mean i guess we could discuss the functional part but, still, that’s an achievement if you consider the circumstances. biggest regret: she tends to not have any regrets because she can’t change the past or undo what’s been done (but one of the things that haunts her the most is not having been able to do some stuff with her brother...). most embarrassing moment: embarrassment is for babies. biggest secret: she desperately wants to be loved and also is a bit (lot) scared about finding who killed her brother and having to face that truth. top priorities: finding her brother’s murderer? :D