#its just that sometimes im so tired mentally i dont even have the energy to put tags on people's art.... including yours

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

[deadsh33p]

sheep ( is that okay?), I need you to know everytime I see your penguin I feel like I want to put him in my pocket and sneak him some food from time to time

-Nahla

like this?

[jiatiful]

.

[enden-k]

btw sry to the ppl who came for fanart and get blasted w all the oc stuff LMAOOO

its nothing new but i fell out of a few fandoms, gnshn mainly. due to all the ongoing drama w hoyogames caused by the fandom over the stupidest things (im not involved or get involved in any of that but it always happened i saw stuff here and there on my tl and its just wow), then all the stupid shit hyv pulled in the past months and get away with constantly, then how extremely time consuming and demanding and repetitive everything became etcetcetc i kinda have issues with playing their games. theres jsut no energy or interest left bc all this above is kinda outweighing anything that made me enjoy it before?

(i still adore a bunch of characters and might draw some again but i really am not sure if i will get into the game itself again. im just tired and nothing keeps me there anymore tbh)

zzz is enjoyable as its v chill on time and the team behind it is a new one so the game is sm more different it rlly doesnt feel like a hoyo game anymore. hsr is also ok tho i dont always keep track w it lately, sometimes i just get a bit bored of it when theres nothing interesting baiting me into finishing story stuff lol

whaaat i mean to say is thats kinda why im not rlly doing much fanart lately??? since there was no major thing that had my constant attention and kept me drawing 1000 things at a time lately. i jump from interest to interest rn when it comes to fandom stuff and draw whenever inspo strikes i guess

rn im going back to old fandoms again and rewatching/rereading/replaying all my most favorite things for some happiness. im currently hyperfixating real bad on my fav animanga once again so i might post some doodles of that or other shows i rlly enjoyed and rewatched, maybe even fate or FF stuff again

i rlly have to say since i stopped actively playing gnshn/spending so much time with keeping up with hoyogames and do all my stuff there every single day, i feel mentally SO MUCH better and suddenly have sm good time to use for other things (also ngl i feel like having to keep up daily w those type of games/playing sm gacha turned me really stupid and impatient over the years)

i even got back to draw OCs and create a new comic again after almost 6 YEARSSSSS of not working on my own stories. im feeling really happy rn, drawing stuff that is not gnshn/hyv related be it my OCs or other things i rlly enjoy like alnst etc (its prolly also another reason why im going back to old, favorite things rn bc i wanna create for everything that is dear to me and i didnt do before bc i didnt have my artblog back then yet)

anw sorry for rambling sm LMAO i guess you can consider this some kind of an update/explanation!! OC art and mixture of hyperfixations, favorite things and whatever im into atm, NOT a gnshn only artist

[kuni-is-daddy]

WORKING OUT WITH GOJO SATORU. X GN READER.

Ft: Teasing, grinding.

1.1k words of gojo thirsting for u.

Gojo x Female reader smut

WARNING: NSFW CONTENT.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

At first gojo would ask you to come along just so you can watch him dead lift 200+lbs(pounds) or even be his "spotter" so he 'wouldnt get hurt', the spotter part was your idea. But just the thought of watching gojo sweat and breathe heavy gave you butterflies in your stomach. If you two would go to a public gym gojo would 100% FLEX HIS ASS OFF. Lift 200lbs? Nah gojo's going to 400lb. It doesnt matter if these other 'people' look more 'ripped' then him. He'll show them up without a problem. "Yeah you like that baby?" He'd grunt mid lift. "F-fuck..Its all for you love~" You'd scold him for pushing himself too hard but he'd suck his teeth, pick you up without warning and carry you bridal style out the gym. Laughing as you'd punch at him to put you down because it was 'embarrassing'

Gojo who would also send you pictures and videos of him lifting. Captioning how he can't wait to show you his progress. Up close. He'd sometimes even wear more revealing. Clothes during missions you two got paired up in. Turning off his infinity just so the wind can blow through his shirt and reveal his abs. Only for Utahime and Nobara to scold him.

If he's deadlifting sometimes gojo would joke around and act like the weight was too heavy for him or he got gradually tired, it could even be considered as a test of trust the first couple of times he invites you over. He'd smile and blush at how you tried so hard to hold it up for him after he made 'pained grunts.' even using cursed energy slightly because it was too heavy for you. (Gojo was completely fine holding up that much btw). He'd yank the weight off of him. trying to 'catch his breath' only to see you running around the gym that you've never been too before, asking people where you can buy water and cold towels for him. And that was another moment when gojo truly fell in love with you

One day Gojo finds you in the gym before he is. Wearing clothes lighter/thinner then your average attire as you sat on your phone waiting for him to arrive. "Hm? I see you got here before me baby~" He'd walk up to you with his gym bag. Wearing a black tank top, shorts and his iconic shades. Gojo is so tall~ (around 6'3) so even when his body isnt flexed out he towers over you so easily. "Well..I was thinking of joining you this time toru~" you smirk while looking him up and down, watching as he takes off his shades and his beautiful blue eyes glow, Now looking at you with an intimate gaze.

Gojo didnt have a problem with whatever you we're trying to achieve at the gym for any reason. Be it for your mental health, For him, Or just for the sake of being fit or trying something new. He loved the idea of you even doing something as far as exercise because it meant you we're getting stronger. Just.. 'Not as strong as him' he'd chuckle to himself while watching you do warm ups...Specifically squats.

He'd count out how much your doing, constantly telling you to push yourself and keep going 'just f' me' Until eventually it looks like gojo is enjoying himself a little TOO much. He's paying so much attention to your ass and how you'd recklessly bounce up and down from how tired you we're getting. Imagining how you'd bounce on his cock while pleading for him to let you cum "T-toru! oh fuck toru~ please..im so close daddy.." "Hah..Your so fucking good for me, Milking my cock just like that.. Dont stop.." Gojo gets caught out of his hard daze when you stop exercising and just stare at him with your hands on your hips because he somehow went from the number 14 to 69- while counting.

Gojo would pout and tug at your arm for you to keep exercising because you look so fucking hot. "Cmon baby..I promise i wont look...so much.. kay? You just..Do what your doing over there and ill be over here lifting-" he'd smile and give you a thumbs up while scooting over to the weights. "okay toru~ if you say so..." You'd constantly stop mid set to take a peek behind you to see if gojo was being a pervert, But everytime you would he'd just look 'normal'. When in reality gojo was talking glances at you, lifting with one hand and rubbing against his clothed length with the other. Mumbling how good you looked for him, How your sweat coated your body so well, watching as you perked up your lips when taking a sip of your water. "Yeah baby..thats what im talkin about' Dont stop.. your doin so well... fuck yeah..sweat for me~" You'd look at him dumfounded and ask if he was alright. "Yeah baby im great~ you keep exercising for me alright? get that heart healthy f' me~ you and that good form of yours. So fucking good" He'd take off his shirt, his chest glistening and pumping out through his sweaty body. You'd choke on your water while examining his body. "heh..Like what you see baby? Didnt get these over night~" he'd place the weight down and begin walking towards you, Flicking his hands through his hair. "How about I give you a treat baby? You've been so good f' me, working so fucking hard~ how about i help you out.."

You would shyly look away, calling gojo distracting because you we're trying to 'focus' but he loved that even more~ how dedicated you we're..how persisent you we're..All for him. He'd pull you into a sloppy kiss, picking you up and sitting on the bench. Your hands would begin to trail along his chest, Feeling his hot body against your own. "You can touch this body all you want baby~ its all yours." he pulled away from the kiss, trailing his mouth along the side of your neck, sending you chills down your body. "T-toru..we shouldnt do it here..What if someone comes in and see's.." You'd tug at his sweaty warm body. "mmm good then baby, let them see. Want everyone to be fucking jealous. So dam lucky to have you in my life, love you so dam much~" Gojo began to bite at your shoulder, tugging at your top. "shit..Wanna take you on right fucking now y/n. Cmon~ let daddy touch you, let me reward you~"

Your shivered at how touch gojo began to get, Not even trying to hide it anymore as he shifted his hands down to your waist, Moving your body over so you'd grind right against him. "T-toru...Toru.." youd moan out his name. holding onto his built arms while the intense heat of the gym ambushed your body as you could feel gojo's pent up length now grinding on your. "fuck...Yes baby?" "T-touch me..please..i want it~" "oh yeah baby~ know' you wanted more. Addicted to this cock yeah? say how much you want it~" he laid his head back against the bench, slapping your ass while you grinded against his length. "G-Gojo~ please...oh shit..please~ I cant, I wanna cum~ I wanna cum for you gojo~ I want you so bad daddy~" "Fuck yeah..thats what i wanted to hear baby~ beg for me more like a slut while daddy rewards you~"

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen, i just followed you and this is really random but ive seen some of your posts helping younger people and it really struck a cord and i need to just let the words fall out of me.

ive been having issues with my girlfriend she cheated on me but this situation is very complicated and we're both fucked up people but i know she still loves me and i really love her. but my anxiety and our lack of communication is really bad right now and im so worried she might not love me the same anymore

ontop of this im 18 and for the past id say 5ish years my mental health and family life has been getting worse, getting diagnosis is hard especially with mentally ill and just overall bad parents that somehow dont understand or believe. i know im deppresed and have been i have anxiety, sever paranoia maybe bpd and bipolar and autism and everything is just so much. now the one person i had is something thats making everything hurt more and i just don't know where to go, im trying to get help but its so slow in this country and i feel so lost and tired i barely eat now and when i do its ether rare or unhealthy and everything is so much i want to collapse.

i hope this isn't to much to randomly send anonymously but you just seem really kind and helpful. thank u for your reply if you do

HI and please accept my apologies for the delay on answering this. I am sorry you are going through so much. My kids are adopted from foster care and I had many kids in my home for up to 5 years who eventually went back home. That is to say I have a lot of experience with mental illness, the systems that treat them, trauma and kids who came from unstable home lives.

At the ripe old age of 18 you have plenty of time to find love and contentment but right now might not be the time. I understand there might be odd circumstances that caused your girlfriend to cheat on you. If you feel betrayed and lost trust that is a feeling that is next to impossible to overcome for people with no comorbidities let alone a teen trying to figure herself out and deal with navigating the broken mental health/care system.

It is actually quite normal for young love to change and get redefined into friendship even when the circumstance are the best. Her cheating on you might very well be a sign that your relationship is in flux and not what you thought it was. A romance that has run its course is not a failure, relationships do not have to last forever to be important and real and worth having had.

It might be scary to think of not being with her, of not having your "one" person that you can count on but I do believe you can get farther working on yourself if you put time and energy into you and not dividing it up between you and her.

There is a lot of precedent set for women to set aside their romance and intimacy in order to be just friends while one or both does some work on herself. Sometimes it is necessary to stay involved for emotional support or financial support, that is just the reality of our world. Living single can be very difficult.

Please consider letting go of the relationship in its current form and putting your energy of yourself. Letting go of the stress of trying to repair what you had with her will remove so much pressure from you and from her that you will feel much more ready to tackle your mental state.

I promise. You are not a failure, she is not "the bad guy" in this story. Take all the wonderful things you shared with her keep those with you when you want a reminder that it loving her was worth your time even if it didn't end like you planned.

Seek mental health help but starting small. A therapist can help you begin to talk through things and often she can help you find additional resources like a medical Dr, public subsidies for insurance or free clinics to assist you in getting medication and mental health support. Most counties have a social services office and those employees are a wealth of information.

[imustbenuts]

How do you handle how low key racist toward Japan a lot of fandom is in favor of shoving only American cultural viewpoints into things? I'm so tired...

hm.... a loaded question. short answer for how i handle this:

I don't.

i just. don't. i don't even try to process what i know for sure is a bad take at all, and i make it a point to curate my online spaces as much as possible.

(or at least, i do on very very rare occasions if i feel arsed enough to hop on my keyboard to smashing out a more educated post about it based on my own understanding. more on this in a bit.)

if i go into a fandom tag and i see rampant nonsense, such as during the 1st two months of fire emblem engage's release or some incredible pumpkin spice latte takes, and i feel like it's just too much bc im getting angry, i just disengage. i might read if i feel like it, but if its too hostile i don't add to the conversation. i leave. i don't pass go bc i have waaaay better things to do than potentially engage in a conversation im already not happy to have.

in some occasions i even block. if i feel like someone is being a dipshit in the posts i make with their tags even, i block.

and i suspect im not the only one. how often do you see asians who reside outside of the west actively partake in fandom discussions? its such a drain of energy when it goes bad. most asians are working faaaaar longer hours than the average westerner in the average office setting. i mean, fuck, man. if i want to have fun, im not coming to a place i know i wont be having much. (ofc we are all having it bad. the point is: limited energy is a big factor for why going against the general set consensus is a bad idea)

i've been dealing with this for the past 10 years. minimum. it has always been like this. it has ever always been like this everywhere.

soooome fandoms are chiller than others for sure. but i dont actively participate in fandoms bc: im tired and my attention hops all over the place.

im ALSO gonna drag proship antis DNI into this ramble bc i believe strongly this culture is an evolution of the old 'your fave is problematic' culture mixed with puritanism culture and i hate it. i hate it bc it gets applied to everywhere, even in a japanese/asian culture space where people in fandoms are generally more "you stay in your lane i stay in mine, we're all freaks, just dont break any laws or be terrible". understand that east asian society in general is collective compared to western's more individualistic one, which reinforces that lane thinking. so all these high moral showing-off is just a big pissing contest to me.

in fact its such a pissing contest i actively refuse to follow people who have DNIs in their profiles. id have more respect for those who can say 'i dont like xyz, its not my cup of tea'. its a normal response, i think.

and im done ranting about my personal feelings :v. some practical advice from my dumb of ass:

a person knows what they know

a person doesnt know what they dont know (ignorance)

a person cannot be taught what they dont want to know (willful ignorance)

a willfully ignorant person is not anyone's job to directly fix. only they can check themselves.

hostility begets more hostility. anger is an addictive emotion. block and move on if someone is consistently being annoying/a pos online, its not worth the mental bandwidth

a person wants to know what they know they don't know (curiosity)

if theres something educational worth sharing that can be communicated in a digestible way, it is sometimes worth it. people like reading, but more importantly, communicating. be that with the OP or their own group.

and also, im not immune to any of the behaviors i dont like above myself. there are also limits in what i know. :v hypocritical of me lmao

[swimmingclass1978]

About me (it pretty late but what ever) :

- so my name is Ariel / Ane 😃

-im a minor if i ever follow your page and you have some nsfw content then dw it was either an accident or i followed you bc of some regular looking post

-your honor im just a silly guy when it comes to the ghostface mask on women (or particualarly hot men)

-im so desperate for a girlfriend its not even funny

-loyal to one mutal and the other one is low key just there lol

- james/remus/barty kinnes im waiting please notice me

-this is basically a call for help lol

-a hellenic pagan but its new so let me be, no convering christians allowed

-Lady Hecate devotee❤️

-slytherin/ravenclaw but if i like you then im giving kinda griffindor energy? Tho i get tired easily and my social battery is lasting max of an hour, in the end of the day im a slytherin bro all the creepy shit i know is proving it

-I'm fine with any pronouns really but mostly he/she, they is also great but she has a special place in my heart even tho i hate it sometimes and he makes me want to scream and giggle

-so im a girl kisser and ace but i don't think i would date amab people. Its nothing personal just my preference but it also depends. (Idk why i put it here its kind of personal need for me to say)

-my favourite colour is green, but like deep green or like dead green not neon green and i also love deep red and black OH AND PURPLE BECAUSE I SAW A DORCAS FANART IN PURPLR AND OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

-im a yapper here but irl i don't talk much

-i love love LOVE true crime, canibalism and necrophilia like if you ever gonna ask me how bodies decompose and then listen to me yap im gonna marry you without questions,

-my natice language is polish but i also speak english tho its not as good as i wish it would be. Im also learning spanish (DO NOT ASK ME ANYTHING IN SPANISH ITS SHIT) and im learning latin on duolingo (i blame donna tartt)

-im obsessed with collecting little animal figures/plushies and giving them names????

-i love reading and all the crafty things like painting, drawing and diy and id love to learn book binding one day even if my printer doesn't agree with me (update: i've binded my own fic it went at least bad)

-im also a poet and a writer so i suffer from creativity more times then id like to but i unfortunatelly love it all too much 😔 i don't publish my poems bc i fear they are not very good but i wish to be a published book author one day

-if you are a hater or use any of these tags: anti <character/ship name> or pro <character/ship name> or you are a canon fanatic who can't stand people having fun then dni bcz i dont want any of your toxic bs on my blog or in my dms/asks thank you very much

- if you want to share you homo/transphobic bs then get out and never come back

-adhd

-im a sucker for good no voldy hogwarts jegulus aus tbh, amd anything that contains slytherin skittles or black brothers/sisters, i love them

-i'm an attention seeking whore when it comes to comments under my ao3 fics im not joking when i say this

-classic literature enthusiastist and Balladyna lover literalnie to moja zona wdym ze ona nie zyje? Zyje w moim sercu

Fandoms:

-marauders - ao3 hates to see me coming

-greek mythology

- percy jackson

-good omens, i love them but considering things that have been happening then i dont think we will be getting seson 3 anytime soon :((( (update: nail count your fucking days and pray i won't finf out where you live)

-the poppy war thrilogy (started reading age 9 and kinda reggret it but happily it didn't caused me as much of my mental health as i thought) (dont repeat my mistake tho) (i'm weird now)

- bsd but i cant remember all the names yet I know whats going on so its fine

-TPN in every daydreaming sesion i gotta do an au someone as the main 3 its an addiction to amgst at this point. Also im making a petition on recreating season 2 so it will follow the manga

-The secret history and dps my friends hate me in atumn because of those two

FAVE MUSIC ARTISTS/BANDS: Mitski, Radiohead, Gigi Perez, billie eilish, tv girl, i fear that a bit tyler the creator and chldlish gambino since its winter again (i only listen to him in winter???), the hazbin hotel soumdtrack....?, CZAPEL ROAWR 🗣🗣🗣🦅🦅🦅🦖🦖🦖

FAVE FILMS/BOOKS/BOOK SERIES': Dead Poets Society (book and the movie), 10 things i hate about you, Chłopi (movie and the book), song of the achilles, illiad, lapvona, seven hisbands of evelyn hugo, balladyna kochana moja, prolly more idk its late now,

Current body count: seven kids in my basement, three burried in my garden (i do not have a garden)

I can be very funny believe me 🙏🙏🙏

Im also a charlie kirk hater and a feminist

I do not know math but my esseys and creative writing works are amazing

Kins: Regulus; Sirius low key but its pretty minor (i wanna be him); Pandora; sometimes Barty?; dorcas AND marlene (i dunno how bro it just happened) (pick your favourite gay)

Im happily married to jegulus twilight au with reg as bella that got abandoned in february 2024 (UPDATE: one chapter was added a month ago we are so back) and to a demon james/human regulus au that is still ongoing but id let it tear me appart and i would apologise to the author( im talking about The Devil Tastes Devine by TheBiButterfly on ao3 (it has me in a chokehold tbh))

Ships: jeggy, wolfstar, dorlene, pandlily, marlily, emmary, rosekiller, bartylus, pancas, marylane, lilylane, any marauder lesbians, nobleflower, quillkiller, teddromeda, poppy x minnie (i forgot their ship name), evanreg, jarty, kinda rosekiller + lily, rosestarkillerchaser(any variant of them really), moonwater, percybeth(is that their ship name?), solangelo, (shin)soukoku, any legal lesbian ship thb, i also liked jily in the past but the toxic shippers ruined it for me :( i still love her tho thats my wifey

My ao3 fanfic:

there is a light, i feel it in me: COMPLETE, black brothers angst, jegulus, wolfstar +more, trauma healing, angst/fluff, everything pandora and barty are doing is great i do not make the rules

teaching myself how to die: WIP, jegulus twilight-fix-it-look-alike Au, disabled regulus, vampire james, black brothers angst, slytherin skittles, marauders, angst with happy ending, THE BLACK SISTERS ARE MOTHERING, they are witches fr fr.

Face reveal (bros gonna be blinded by the face card frfr):

Im also a proud owner of this justin biber ahh haircut I thought it was a wonderfull idea few months back and i do feel the best in my skin i've ever felt since my dysphoria went almost 2lvl down but no one want to talk to me at school now i think its not very nice of them tbh im a great person sometimes

Thats all lol have a good time or whatever

[fallen-faerie]

hi do you mind if I ask you what symptoms of bipolar you have experienced before/are currently experiencing right now? if this is too heavy for you to answer then that’s alright it’s just that I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and I wanted to hear about the experience from another person.. thank you 

well i have bipolar 1 rapid cycling which is more severe than just having bipolar 1. and bipolar 1 by itself is more severe than bipolar 2, so definitely don't compare yourself to me too much. also everyone is different. not every person with bipolar of any type has the same symptoms. i also have anxiety, ptsd, and im seeing a psychiatrist in november to be tested for a neurological disorder that my therapist thinks i may have but she can't diagnose me. so sometimes those symptoms from other things overlap into what i experience. some things might be caused by my anxiety or ptsd. for example i've had hallucinations plenty of times which can be a symptom of bipolar but also could be from ptsd too. i have manic episodes all the time. and when im not having mania im basically in a constant state of depression. its awful. i do have impulses but ive spent years learning how to control them. they used to be uncontrollable and it ruined my life for many years. my sleep and appetite changes constantly. sometimes i dont need sleep at all and other times all i do is sleep. and most of them time i can't eat a lot. and when i am able to eat i end up binge eating to make up for barely eating most of the time. im extremely indecisive and its hard to focus on one task. i usually have like 10 different tasks going at a time which makes it hard to complete anything. but i also become obsessed with my interests. it actually annoys ppl because i will talk about the same few things over and over. i have suicidal thought all the time. only thoughts tho. i would never act on them. but before i could control my impulses i had multiple attempts to end my life. i also have constant racing thoughts or my mind feels blank and i'll be completely silent for days sometimes because i have nothing to say. except when it comes to my children. obviously i speak to them when they are around, but i won't start a conversation when my mind feels blank or i won't CHOOSE to say anything for days. yeah it really fucking sucks. life with bipolar is mainly living in extremes. [for me anyway]. im either exteremely happy or extremely sad. same goes with being confident or not confident, hungry or not hungry, etc. one of the hardest things is having so much energy when im manic and feeling constantly tired and drained when im depressive. because i have children and i HAVE to be productive on daily basis. i can't just NOT clean or do dishes or laundry etc. so when im depressive i have to mentally and physically force myself to do anything. its honestly absolute hell. and im so sorry you have it too. i wish i had more positive things to tell you about it, but im not going to sugarcoat it or lie to you.

as long as you put in effort to work on yourself and try to be aware of the way you react to things or what things affect your mood, it will get easier. i know that i NEED therapy. every time i left therapy i relapsed on drugs or i mentally deteriorated. so i highly recommend finding a good therapist if you start to struggle badly. or just have one just to help you even if you don't think you need one. they help sooo much with helping u understand yourself and your thoughts and actions. i wish you nothing but the best✨💜 bipolar disorder can be so crippling. it can even be a disability for some ppl. for me it is. i am getting disability soon because its pretty impossible to find a job that works with what im able and unable to do. it lowered my confidence a lot when i realized i needed the extra help but now im more okay with it because i know its just the hand i've been dealt. i didnt ask for bipolar disorder. just like i didn't ask for it to prevent me from working. its just what happened to me. and thats okay. 🖤💜 i hope you are well🥰

[emotionallyrin]

i feel like im in a hole

its almost the end of this college year, my second year too. i feel trapped though. i have two assignments i have to do in the next 24 hours and all i can feel for motivation is that i dont wanna be homeless lol. bare minimum motivation i guess and even then my depression is overwriting all motivation i gain.

anything about wanting to get a good education to get a job and be independent is all just gone when i feel so much despair that i just feel like im drowning constantly. im having dreams about drowning, very infrequent but they happen. usually its a lake, not a very deep one but enough that water would be up to your shoulders. i'm too weak to do anything but fall head first in and just dive, my body is tired and cold unable to help myself. sometimes my dad is there and he pulls me out , it doesn't feel like he's doing it to save me though - more like to keep me trapped in this family.

my family is a mess. i'll infrequently talk about it but just for this post all you need to know is they hate me and everything i stand for. i've heard it from their mouth, this isn't an insecurity.

my depression recently has been consuming me, like a bottomless pit. all i can think about is how i need to do this or that, obligations normal people could do with a push of grunting after all. for me, i just cant build any energy to move. my arms feel weaker by the day, my legs grow numb, my ribs feel like they're collapsing in, and my brain hates it. it's starting to feel like an excuse, i cant do the things i need to because im too depressed to move. i know i need help but my family doesnt accept i do, mental health isnt real to them, so i just wait and suffer.

i've been depressed most of my life to some extent but this is the worst its ever been due to various reasons, things i need to move forward from and get over but all i think about is how i wanna just die in my bed and sleep. its why i feel like im in a hole. im trying to do an essay right now, been trying for a few hours i guess but every time i start writing i feel dead. no motivation just feelings of wanting to cry. it's already overdue so i cant ask for an extension anymore, no help either because if my teachers knew my situation my parents would find out and every time i ask for help they just make something up so i cant get help. i dont know what to do anymore. i cant do this but i need to. i have to or else i cant break free from the prison they created for me.

this isnt a cry for help, just a vent for myself. if you want to give advice or speak about it then go ahead but seriously as much as im not ok just take this "im ok" and dont worry as much as you want to.

... also im sick for like the 4th time this year lol

[storybookprincess]

i hope its okay for me to write to you, but i feel like… im slowing losing my passion in writing? not really. i know thats not true because i still have so much fun with writing but sometimes i just feel like nothing i write matters and i’ll never be as good as other people because my first language isnt english. and i know, i know - comparison is a thief of joy and i usually dont compare, i swear (i even hide my stats on ao3 so i dont have to measure myself with numbers). its just that.. sometimes its tough. i dont know what i want. i dont want to quit but this just drives me crazy sometimes haha anyway.. have you ever feel that way? any tips on overcoming it? (if you dont want to answer, thats fine - thanks anyway for giving me a space to rant)

i’m going to keep it 100% real with you—i’m actually dealing with the exact same thing right now

i just feel……… tired as soon as even i think about writing. i wonder what happened to the person who could bang out 2k words within an afternoon & still feel that irrepressible itch to write more. big projects don’t seem invigorating & exciting anymore; they just sound exhausting. and it terrifies me, because being a writer is so central to who i am. if i lose that, then what??

anyway, all of that is to say that the following advice is as much for myself as it is for you, and that you’re not alone in this struggle:

1. first, take a deep breath. it’s okay. it’s okay for your passion to wax & wane. it’s okay if you take a little hiatus from writing or posting anything. its okay if you take a big one. it’s okay if things about your writing routine change. you are a writer, and you always will be a writer, even if you don’t put another word on paper for the next decade. you’re a writer not because of your word count, or your current wip, or the time you dedicate to writing today, but because of how writing has shaped who you are. because if you went back in time & erased writing from your life thus far, you would no longer be you. you’re a writer, now & forever, and nothing can change that

2. with all that being said, i hope you can understand that it’s okay to take a break. in fact, it might be necessary. i’m actually taking a break for the month of january, because i know that if i keep pushing myself when i’m creatively running on empty, i’m only going to further deplete my resources, not restore them. when i was younger, i used to think of decisions as all or nothing. you either keep writing or your quit. but that’s not true at all. you can take a break, even an indefinite break, and pick right back up where you left off. taking a break isn’t quitting, and while i know every creative person online is currently suffering from Content Machine Disease, you are allowed to go weeks or months or even years without sharing your work. breaks are okay. breaks are necessary

3. think about the bigger picture. first, what life stressors are you dealing with right now? these can often be hard to spot, but they lurk in the background, sapping your creative energy. you can’t run a marathon on a broken leg, and you can’t create when your mental energy is being drained. have grace & patience with yourself as you sort out the big stuff or just weather the storm. life obstacles to writing are very real

and second, try to think back to when you were most passionate about writing. when writing was thrilling and exciting and invigorating. what was it about that time that was different? did you have close writing friends who have since drifted away? were you writing about certain topics, or in certain formats? how has your mindset towards yourself & your creativity changed? for me, i’ve realized that i probably need to start replying to comments again, because that was a huge part of my excitement & joy when my love for writing was at its peak. how can you recreate those past circumstances in your life right now?

as always, i’ve gotten way too long winded 😅 if you got through this whole reply, thank you. i am wishing you all the best in rediscovering your passion, and please know that we’re walking that road together

[enden-k]

You mention that you're quite a sleepy person. Is it an energy expenditure thing, a medicine thing, or a I-have-no-fucking-clue-why issue?

Sending love over ♡.

more of the third. im a really really sleepy person in general (unless im having an episode) and i can usually tell what kind of sleepiness im experiencing, like when its of mental nature (depression etc) or physical nature (sunlight and warmth, after intense physical activity, pollen allergy puffing up my eyes etc)

but theres this kind of sleepiness (the one thats bothering me sm) i really dont know where its from; i get the hours of sleep i need to function but i wake up like i havent slept at all. then im wide awake and energized for a few hours until im suddenly so sleepy, i often doze off right where i am (often unfortunately at my desk, in class, even the train or bus) i need naps in the afternoon and still feel tired. i can still sleep at night despite naps but i wake up often. caffeine doesnt rlly hit anymore. i have chronic migraines in general and often my headaches are triggered by too much sleep (too much sleep!!! imagine) some days (like today) my sense of balance is off and i cant even walk properly, im swaying to one side like one part of my brain is heavier. probably the one filled with thoughts about kvthm or smth smh

whats bothering me the most is that sometimes im so sleepy, i can feel my brain is not working properly and i have trouble forming a thought or just focusing. im non speaking but im pretty sure if i would try now, i would probably be even worse at communication than usual bc i usually have to focus hard and rn i dont have that focus. it really troubles me

anw i doubt its caused by mental health issues as i dont feel the usual signs my body sends, and its not bc of allergy or any of the meds i take. and its confusing as hell bc im a healthy boy!!!!!!! i only drink water, my meals are balanced, i love the sunlight and fresh air, i dont smoke and i only drink on occasions ughhhhhhhh ppl actually think im lazy and comfy jsut lazing around all day and happily napping away when im home. id rather use the time im wasting on naps for smth more useful, it really sucks

anw this got super long sry, just proof how much it annoys me that i complain this much ig 😩

[ashtraysystem]

um, just warning you the following post is kinda a lot emotionally and mentally so uh. yeah. 🤷🏻 skip it if you dont wanna read i wont be offended or anything obviously its just me rambling about fears and stuff ive had on my chest.

do you ever just sit there being afraid of what the future holds? right now im so uncertain about a lot of things and dont know how to get through it.

i dont know how to advocate for myself when it comes to my health. i dont know how to show my doctor how desperate i am for some form of relief from the hell i have to life through sometimes. the days when i have bad pain flare ups are /bad/. and i don't understand why they happen. i dont understand whats wrong with me to make me so tired and in pain. why is it that every rush of adrenaline through my body when im anxious /hurts/.

how will i go about the school year? i will have to do my thesis (that might be the wrong word i dont remember) project this year and that means planning, funding, and organizing a whole event to show the world what i'm capable of. how am i supposed to decide on something like that when i'm barely capable of deciding what to have for breakfast??

many of my friends will be away. and not just the ones im close with, many of the friends ive made throughout this past school year have moved on with their lives. graduated or dropped out. im. im afraid of being alone. of forgetting who i am. of losing myself in my attempts at success. i like spending time with people, even if its just "hey wanna work on projects adjacent to each other for a while?". but people dont exactly like me or seem to see me as a person they can just "hang" with. i always have to tune my personality to match theirs. match their energy, match their needs, but never my own.

i want to get a tattoo as a reminder. a reminder to be me. to "keep it real". That i'm not alone. that there are people in my corner. people who care. people who want to know /the real me/ and not the fake personality i put on to please everyone. even in a professional sense. i want to be me, forever and always. true to myself with everyone i meet. because if they cant take me as i am then they dont deserve me at all.

im weird. i know that. ive always been the outcast, the quiet kid, the weirdo.

i cant shut this all out forever. i'll have to face these things eventually. and i wont be ready when i do. its hard to think about because my brain starts to shut it all down. it lays a fog over me that gets me to forget any critical thinking about the world around me and the changes i could make in my life. the revelations i have about myself are so quickly forgotten. it tells me to just delete this whole post. put it back away, never let it see the light of day, but its important. important that it does. important that i dont just sit with this stuff in my head for forever. it'll just get worse if i do.

[tv-gh0st]

Damnit i made a new au

guess what time it is

time for

✨My own Links meet au!✨

and the zeldas meet up to!

ive got an idea for story but jts a little bit to much like Lu for my liking so i am currently editing it and will be posted hopefully soon!!

zeldas will also get designs to ima be focusing on this whole au to actually cas aprently my hiatus is over ill be working on other aus from time to time but theres alot to do for this and i am bery exited!! ill be making a master post once i post some more stuff im really exited!!

bellow the cut is my current designs for Links(no full body drawings yet cas there are 14 links ad 15 zeldas i need to draw and i am not dealinf with that shit today)

Before the split

Sky

skyward sword Link

20 years old

first chosen hero

forged the master sword

dating Sun(his zelda)

always looks like hes gonna fall asleep

very expressive

Minish

Minish cap

17 years old

can be small like minish

the smith kf the group

Social anxiety

lets the minish do his hair!

Fallen hero Timeline

Four

four swords

Four swords adventure

18 years old

the colors sre very separated

others only think hes a little crazy talking to himself

Oracal

Ages

Seasons

Links awakening

"Collector"

17 years old

keeps a flower in memory of Marin

learned how to braid his hair from her to and keeps it like that

has alot of shit

Worlds

A link to the past

a link between worlds

triforce heros

princy

technicly a prince cas of fabel(Zelda and his sister)

bunn boi

his colors blended much easier

Hyrule

the legends of zelda

links adventures

travler

16 years old

also alot of items

gets lost easily especially with the weird geographical part of the merge

very curious

Child timeline

Twilight

twilight princess

Farmer/Wolfie

19 yo

has a wolf tail and wont explain why or how he got it

can control when he comes wolfie usually but sometimes when they move around he just is wolfie and cant become hylian

big brother energy

Babys litterly any one whos younger then him even if its just by a year(Wild and Time do count cas of there weird ages)

Warriors

Hyrule Warriors

captin

23 years old

did cry over his scarf once

big brother energy aswell but in a funner "you were supposed to watch over the,! But no one was put to watch over me!" Kinda vibe

knew wind and mask before but they didnt know him its weirddddddd

mentioned minda and marin and others lost thrre shit

Age

Age of calamity

champion

17 years old

gravitates twords Warriors

Might have acidently been the start of a new split in the timeline no one actually knows where age sits exept hes on the child timeline

Wild

Breath of the wild

Tears of the kingdom

Archerer

Wonderer

keeps the arm and the sages idc how totk ends

physically hes like 20 ish chronologically hes 121 mentally hes like 17 years old

can cook wonderfully

eats randome shit for fun

is a lik shit

is very loyal but definitely took alot to get that loyal

is extremely weirded out bt Age

Adult timeline

Wind

Wind waker

Phantome Hourglass

Sailor

14 years old

has tetras bandanna

thinks the green heros tunic is dorky as fuck snd hates the hat

has tried to shoot every link out of a cannon that hes had the opportunity to with wavering success

is gonna fo bat shit crazy/ good way

Spirit

Spirit tracks

Conductor

15 years old

very done with ur shit at all times

i dont think he knows what color is(wears alot of fucking grey)

Likes wind tolerates the others

is gonna go bat shit crazy/ bad way

And ofcourse Time and Mask

Time

Ocarina of time

18 years old

mentally 9-10 years old

doesnt actually know how to read

from adult timeline

friends with Malon

socially akward mess

Mask

Ocarina of Time

Majoras Mask

11 years old

tired of everyones shit

in denial of all this timeline merging stuff

Thats all the Links!

Master post here!(coming soon) Zeldas prt 1 here! Zeldas prt 2(Coming soon)

[ezyran]

today i cleaned the floor in my room. it was fucking filthy in the way that i was surprised i didnt have a rotting small animal in the corner. thats the kind of stuff that tells me im not faking a mental illness, or at least thats theres something wrong with my head because who in their right mind would live like that?

i fear all the time that im faking my depression and anxiety, which i am diagnosed for. but then they manifest and i kinda feel glad. even though noone is watching me i cry and ache and get physically ill because of my mental anguish. hurting means its real, it means im not a liar and im not just seeking attention because i have no audience.

but then i get the feeling i am actually being watched sometimes. like i perform for heaven or some imaginary audience. its kind of dumb but i perceive myself outside of me and it makes me nervous. like today, i had a whole conversation with myself and it followed the writing style of a show or movie. a heart to heart scene.

person A calls out person B for their lack of responsibility and self victimhood, person B tries to defend and justify their actions and asks what they should do and - since person A cares and wants person B to become better - they tell them in a "get it through your head" way, that they have to put effort into becoming better. that they make excuses and go nowhere because they overwhelm themselves with drastic measures that are unachievable.

"so start small," person A says. "pick yourself up and clean your space. you dont even have to distinguish your trash from your belongings, you are not attached to these things anyway. you dont even touch half of the stuff in your room. they sit there and rot. your material need is so fleeting and you need to let yourself not be kept by these things."

so person B takes a look around and starts picking stuff up and sweeping the floor; wrappers, socks, fast food bags, dog shit and old drawings all go in the trash bag.

it was putrid really, the sight of it all, and the stench even more so. i didnt have an audience. it was good that i didnt. yet i performed all of that like a weird stage play only i got to see.

it was weird. it was embarrasing. it was enjoyable. i self soothed as the shame crept up. of course i was embarrased; this was clearly not something i should be happy with myself for, but as i swept and mopped i told myself, youre changing.

change is guilty. change is exposing. change is hard and uncomfortable. you always aimed to change in one day and thats not how that works. the world didnt appear one day. nothing is instant. you cannot will change without effort. people fight for change. people die for change.

and thats what i did today. i took a step forward in my marathon to becoming a better person.

i still need help, i think, but being the gentle parent i never had for myself is actually extremely therapeutic.

maybe i dont need therapy, maybe i am all i need. but then i sighed. you are tired, you dont have the energy to cry or have a violent episode, thats the only reason we could talk.

i might be losing it to be honest, but that the least of my concerns.

[fictivesprite]

wish i worked more than one day a week at our new job. 🌻 doesnt think we can handle it and maybe he's right but getting out of the house regularly for once has been so good for my mental health and i need more. i hate being stuck doing nothing all day and i hate feeling like a financial burden to my boyfriend. i want independance so bad. i want to be equals.

and its just like, i hate it when people say we're just freeloading or are lazy and taking advantage of him. thats so fucking mean. we love him. we want to help and support him. we are doing literally everything we can to try and help even to our detriment. every year we use our birthday and christmas money to get him presents and food he wants and send him money for rent and utilities instead of getting ourselves things, and thats our only income (outside this new job, which is giving us one short shift a week that cant even pay for the ubers there and back). and we do it because we want to and love him so if he sees this, babe please dont take that in a bad way, and i only want to do more. i want to learn to drive so i can take him places and pick up his friends so he can see them more often. but to get a car i need to be able to make steady payments and make car insurance. 🌻 is trying to get us in disability, which might let me do that at least, but i dont even want to be on disability i just want to be fucking normal and have a full time job and be able to function like a normal person in society. i want to pay rent and utilities i want to pay for the storage unit he wants and get us a better place to live. i want to get my ged and go to college or trades school so maybe i can even land something that pays well and get us both the surgeries we want and need. i want to make enough to be able to treat him to a date night every now and then. god. fuck. and then people just assume im being a burden for fun? assuming i dont have any dreams or aspirations just because im disabled? assuming im just pretending to be as disabled as i am to get out of doing real work, because im just livin the high life over here in a dirty apartment i cant manage to clean often enough, stuck in bed until even laying down hurts, eating barely one meal a day if we eat at all because it takes too much energy to cook and we cant afford takeout, no hobbies because it takes too much brainpower i dont have to spend. the american fucking dream. why would anyone want to work when you could have this life right?

fuck. i work one day a week and the day after i sleep all day because im so tired and in so much pain and i just need to recover. sometimes it takes multiple days. and then i still have like, household responsibilities to take care of through the week. and if we want us or our boyfriend to eat, we have to be the one to cook (no shame to him though, he works harder than us and deserves the break), and doing household tasks plus making dinner takes like all our energy for the day. if we worked more than one day a week, i doubt we could do anything for the house and it would be even worse than it is now. and we couldnt work more than one day in a row, itd have to be like every other day and that still might be too much for us. 🌻 is probably right. but i still want it. i want to be useful. i want to have a fulfilling life worth living that ive worked for myself. its not fair. its not fair.