#its just [last 3 of year][day][month] as far as im aware | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jayspire · 3 months ago

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Hi! Im a new person here on tumblr. This blog is to show you my journey, and to help others if I can. Today Im going to list things I’m going to manifest, how, and I will recount as we go I will also post my results. I’m very familiar with the LOA so if you have any questions you can ask and I’ll respond as soon as I can. But this works two ways. If I ever say something u don’t agree with feel free to correct me I might also occasionally ask questions as well. Now I’m going to share a success story I had in 7th grade.

At this time I heard of manifesting. It was December and I was just sick of school. So utterly sick I wanted to never come back. And I don’t know what made me do this but I would literally go “you know what I’m not going to school. For a whole MONTH!” And I kept saying this to everyone. I didn’t know what I was doing like I still went to school everyday but I didn’t think about it I think I was joking around but I was so sour it seemed real. Anyway i got appendicitis 💀. And I stayed home for a month 💀. I didn’t connect this to manifesting bc it seemed like a coincidence and I had been having stomach pain + frequent hospital trips for a few months so it was like it already happened. Anyway I went back to school and my home room teacher was my English teacher. And in English we had this thing where we wrote a book entry everyday and after two weeks we turned them in. Now I was always on time with this but since I was sick I didn’t do mine and procrastinated on it even when I went back to school. So the Friday I woke up and figured she’d check them I was so scared it was the due date. But again idk what possessed me but I woke up somehow knowing she wouldn’t come to school that even though she never skips Fridays. I told my mom, my cousin, my friend up until I reached her door I literally said “she’s not here today see”, I wasn’t even at the door how did I know.

I turned out she fell down some stairs and didn’t return for the rest of the year. The guilt ate me up. I confessed 😭. I told my friends it was me. She was already over weight and I was so worried. I did this with my math teacher when I didn’t do the hw but she always came back. From that day manifesting scared me. I didn’t use subs, meditations or anything I just knew in a disregarding way?? Xx

Now I want to post about my journey bc I’ve grown since then. I want to manifest waking up in the void every night completely aware. As soon as I become unaware of my 3d reality I become aware of the void. Technically we are the void. Idk if I want to do this how I did before because when manifesting appendicitis it took a month, but when manifesting my teacher not being there it took one morning. All I know is the common factor is the feeling of know. Actually it was more of an attitude. So what I’m going to do is :

1. Pick an aff or a few I’ll list them. I don’t like robotic affirmations bc why I affirm if I already have it. I’ll only use robotic affirmation when I’m in doubt otherwise I’ll just remind myself occasionally how I already go into the void every night and how it’s so great. Even in doubt b4 resorting to that I’ll listen to subs or meditation.

2. Know it’s going to happen because why wouldn’t it. Know it happened.

3. I like meditation so I’m going to use that. It makes my body buzz. There’s this creator on her who makes affirmation tapes @adambja and she has this tape the peaked my curiosity its on her page you don’t have to dm her it’s called just another tape. It’s so cool I only tried it three times so far. The last two I got interrupted by my family tapping me awake I try so hard to do this in private 😭. But don’t worry if you can’t like me meditating normally also helps I thought it was a waste of time the first week but after a while I loved it made me so detached.

So just to clear this up if in doubt I will use subs or meditate, I know I go into the void every night, I will also meditate normally bc it’s so great and strengthens you before you go into doubt, and here are affs I will use:

“I wake up in the void every night aware”

“I become aware of the void every night”

“I’ve mastered the void”

OMG BEFORE I FORGET

There’s a creator on here I think Maya or Mara I’ll double check who introduced me to morphia energy fields. I don’t know much about this but she made a challenge of using them and I will at her in the comments bc I want to try this for more information on what this is you can go to her blog to see. That’s all again I will post my results 👋

#void state #self concept #manifesting #loa tumblr #loassumption #loa success #loablr #loa blog #meditation

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scariercnidaria · 2 years ago

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another kerapin modern au where lapin is a medieval history professor at a uni and keradin is a financial lawyer who took one of his classes because he was interested in the crusades and he needed a history credit 8 years ago. he ended up dropping the class after a semester and a half at his therapist (pastor) (who just so happened to be a friend of the police officer assigned to the case) polite "suggestion" (restraining order threat), after developing a bit of a psychosexual obsession with lapin and doing a little trolling (targetted harrassment/stalking). in the interim keradin got another therapist (real one) (court mandated) and is on mood stabilisers now but still has not stopped seething about professor cadburys evil woke cultural marxist agenda.

lapin in this scenario is living with amethar in theos Eternal Bachelor Pad. he was living with amethar and caramellina (with reduced rent in exchange for tutoring jet and ruby who are probably like 14 in this scenario [so sorry for de aging them all a little bit i know im committing old men yaoi crimes it just makes slightly more sense this way. itd still be like. lapin 56+, keradin 31, amethar 44, theo ~46, caramellina 49]) until The Divorce (over finanicial disputes - amethars business is crumbling and is bringing caramellindas down with it as she just cant keep funnelling profits from her business into amethars in order to keep it afloat any longer; amethars purported unfaithfulness is not really an issue here because um This is just politics).

theo is trying to find an excuse to kick lapin out without making amethar feel worse about the situation but the only thing he has on him is that hes a bitch and smokes weed outside the laundry room sometimes but its been legalised and anyway lapin is never late on rent cause he has like 700 jobs (on top of being a history professor, lapin also has a side hustle leading bdsm/consent workshops at the library and also moonlights as a professional dom at a local sex club) (he also is still tutoring jet and ruby (for money this time) and has a positive relationship with caramellinda (they bitch about amethar) but she wont let him move back in because she "needs space"). theo thinks they have a weird gay thing going on (and hates it) and lapin is aware that theo thinks this and plays into it (because its funny) (and also hates it)

meanwhile in the keradinosphere, he has been consistently working ~60 hour weeks at his one (1) job at the same law firm for the last 5 years with no (0) promotion. his life is literally: work (10 hours), gym (2 hours), commute (2 hours each way), doomscroll on The App (5 hours), sleep (3 hours) every day forever.

on saturdays he works from home and on sundays he has church and then spends 3 hours sitting on a bench at the park "chilling out" (staring into the distance) (he doesnt own any books) before going to his court mandated weekly therapy session. his apartment is a textbook r/malelivingspace populated with an absolutely obscene collection of anime posters, lifting equipment, nerd shit replica medieval weapons or something and also an ever-rotating cast of Windowsill Plants Of The Month because he cant stop accidentally killing them and bursting into tears. his therapist tells him this is progress and that his drywall & security deposit will thank him

at some point some disaster hits keradin or something and they make him take sometime off work, and strangely without spending 10 hours under high stress bullshit every day + some melatonin he is actually for once in his life able to get more than 3 hours of sleep per night. at the same time, keradins The App experience starts being psy-op'ed by a memepage called xXsugarPlvmF4IRY_ who has infiltrated his niche internet tradbulb /fit/ microculture and begun flooding it with """ironic""" grecian gay sex "RETVRN" propaganda. this is a big hit as far as engagement among terminally online perpetually enraged historypilled incel-adjacent men such as keradin, and 6 hours of seething at ancient femboys combined with 8 hours of sleep and his brain unshrivelling somewhat results in him starting to have Gay Sex Dreams, which metastatises into him having Regular Gay Thoughts in the conscious world. he is too mortified to tell his pastor (because it is a liberal church and hes worried hell be supported) so he tells his therapist instead in hopes that they will recommend conversion therapy.

spoiler alert they dont. they encourage him to test the waters at his own pace by passing him a flyer for a consent workshop at the library later in the week in hopes that it will help him Get Comfortable With Sex As A Concept. keradin shoves the flyer in his sock drawer hoping to ignore it but is so haunted that he stays up all night doing some inspired googling and eventually learns about bdsm and is like woah! just like bulbo from my self-flagellation! he tries his best to resist the urge but he cant stop thinking about it and hes found he quite likes getting 8 hours of sleep and this New Stress is compromising that. eventually he looks up the number for a local sex club and books an hour and a half-- the following day, so he doesnt have time to chicken out-- with "father candi" (priest roleplay) ($120 out of pocket) (he tries not to think about having to face his actual pastor after this).

keradin goes there and surprise surprise its lapin.

keradin thinks he seems a little bit familiar but he cant quite put his finger on from where... so he discards the thought, and lapin straight up doesnt recognise him either so it all goes ahead.

lapin asks about boundaries and keradin is like "what are boundaries" so lapin spends the first hour and 15 minutes explaining boundaries and trying to get keradin to come up with something, anything dear bulb please. eventually they settle on a very rudimentary list and lapins like. ok that took ages we have 15 minutes left if you want to try and scene and keradin made it this far he isnt going to leave without at least trying gay sex It Would Kill Him. so they do an incredibly light d/s scene involving a confession booth or something and keradin comes within 2 minutes and then hits lapin with the old "if by my life or death i can protect you i shall". and lapin is like. um ok. thats nice. your time is up tho do u want a warm wet towel and a glass of water. ok. cool (<- his ass is clocking out immediately)

keradin immediately goes home and books another time slot precisely one month to the hour after the last one. during that month he goes back to work, is assigned to do some donkey work noone else wanna do on some fraud investigation around some local failing businesses, replaces his windowsill plant again, spends marginally less time on The App and somehow manages to look his pastor in the eye. he doesnt tell his therapist about the experience but they do ask how the consent workshop went and keradin lies and said it was good it was interesting and they ask like is that it so he badly paraphrases something lapin said about boundaries to get them off his back. they give him a flyer for the next one and keradin still doesnt go.

the month passes and he goes back and has another epic gay sex moment with father candi. and it becomes a regular occurance. every month, on the dot, like clockwork. for a while keradin is fucking crushed under the pressure of trying to come up with a non-gaysex reason for why he has to leave work before 7pm for once every month on the exact same day but nobody actually cares enough to ask him. and hes relaxed. hes not on The App. his windowsill plant lives for 2 months this time. so its just. like. good. its just a good situation.

...maybe too good.

[EXTREMELY LOUD BULBIAN GUILT SFX]

lapin, largely unaware of this, thinks the whole thing is pretty amusing. he knows that keradin works some stuffy office job and has some major religious hangups but he mostly just wants to be beat up a little and then praised and he always walks out 5gorillion % less stressed than he came in and its like ok. lapin can do that. its literally the least weird thing anyones ever asked him to do in a scene. yeah keradin is hot but mostly lapin wants to put him under a microscope and study him like a bug. its like having a favourite customer. he doesnt really think about it outside of when he knows its coming up its literally not that deep.

besides, he has other things to worry about like more pressingly: that amethar is being investigated by the IRS for being bad at running a business and if he goes to prison then theres no way theo will let him keep staying at his flat (the novelty of playing along with theos "weird gay thing" suspicions wore off, like, so fucking quick). he could go stay with his old scene partner "sugar plum mommy" but her whole place looks like serial experiments lain and he will not be able to grade papers over the sound of her bumping grindcore out a subwoofer she stole from a nightclub 4 years ago for 13 hours straight while she joshua citarellas the target audience for europa universalis into getting gayer than they already were.

meanwhile keradin literally cannot stop thinking about hot gay sex gay religious old man sex in your area click here right now and he feels crazy wazy and conflicted and awful about it and on the verge of getting psychosexually obsessed again. he decides to bring it up with his therapist finally because what are they gonna do? court mandate that he gets More Therapy? they end up being like ok yknow what would be really good for this actually is if you Went to the consent workshop ive been telling you about all this time. it would definitely help. its at the library its free. theres one in 30 minutes. ill drive you there (maybe not precisely).

either way. keradin goes. and guess whose fucking running it.

keradin stays but sits in the back and only feels slightly awkward but for once its like. no this is. it would be a good thing if father candi saw that i was here. i am listening and learning.

and he sits there.

in the back of the library.

set out like a lecture hall.

listening and learning.

and it slowly dawns on him exactly why "father candi" seemed so familiar.

#kerapin #keradin deeproot #lapin cadbury #acoc #a crown of candy #d20 #dimension 20 #nsft #this might be my fucking masterpiece jesus. this took me 4 hours #keradinposting

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caffstrink · 2 years ago

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what do you use to animate & how long have you been animating? i like the.. gif(?) of your magical girl oc! it’s so cool & inspiring.

What gif of my magical girl oc? 😭genuinely asking bc ive never posted a gif of cupid as far as I'm aware

But if you mean the video of cupid in the train it's not really an animation, it's just two pictures being alternated with a black frame and i just used inshot for that.

As for the other animated stuff i have here it depends a lot bc most of them were either done manually on csp and them compiled into a gif in any free website that does so, minus the ones that are in video format which were made in flipaclip (and the last 2 ones i made were using the toon boom harmony 21 day free trial lol)

As for how long ive been animating its like uhh... a few years very loosely? Which i wouldn't consider as real experience bc all i did were some silly gifs and not real animated clips. But ive been working in an actual animation studio for the past 3 months but i cant show anythjng bc im under contract lol

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fictionfixations · 8 months ago

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star rogue

book 6 and wish upon a star event spoilers

so like you know the game idia is a HUGE fan of

and its like. i think i understand why some people dont view events as canon?

cause so in book 6 he mentions the game, and hoping for a sequel. and vil's just like 'dont just hope, actually do something, because zero is always zero, but even 0.001 can turn into 100' or something like that

which inspires ortho. to do. something im not sure i havent continued yet (but i have been spoiled bits and pieces of this book so i have a vague idea..)

but. in wish upon a star, THE DEVS CAME TOGETHER AND WERE GOING TO MAKE A SEQUEL CAUSE THEY SAW THE METEOR SHOWER (that ortho made) AND GOT INSPIRED

(i cant believe i remembered too..)

but the conversation never wouldve happened if the sequel was planned

and while it could be replaced, probably doesnt have as much meaning (or would have to be changed entirely)

but its also like. i mean, im not sure where wish upon a star takes place. from what i remember of it, id probably place it before winter break-ish.. but thats . so early.

maybe they cancelled the sequel again but thatd kind of be sad.. (although then maybe the conversation still happens?)

if its later tho.. i dont feel like it can..?

winter break lasts past new year could it be early january-ish? maybe. because while there were a bunch of timeskips like '3 days into the bet..' 'a few days after practicing' etc etc, theres still a lot of room for the training camp to be a part of that month (the lower half at least) and continue on to reach mid-february. and vdc/sdc itself is 2 days or something. i think. still though. hh. but that doesnt actually change the problem, unless there were to be some changing around to fit wish upon a star, like, after book 6? (although it might ruin the message of 'take things into your own hands')

but idk when book 7 takes place so. shrug.

\/ also quote from crewel, "I trust you're all aware that the National Arcane Academy Culture Fair is coming up in mid-February."

vdc training camp thingy was 4 weeks so like february. wait is it vdc or sdc? is this a translation thing where its different name, like magishift and spelldrive?? idk i think ive seen both..?

and then right AFTER is book 6

i know its probably like this so for people who havent gone too far in the main story can enjoy events, or people who havent played the events can still understand the story without references to things they dont know when the events are limited. but it makes it really hard to figure out where things are and what to do with them.

i feel like im losing track of what im trying to do... *blink blink*

#500 posts #tumblr milestone #twst spoilers #twisted wonderland spoilers #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #thoughts

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bigmoneypastelhalloween · 2 years ago

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youtube

0 hr: this is vorw, hello everyone, its after xmas now, hope you had a good holiday

1 min: "it is what it is" the show is "purposeless"

2 mins: its an uodate show done in segments, this is the month of December show

3 mins: shoutout for the fanart

4 mins: verofactum.com artist credit

5 mins: explaining the meme

6 mins: the freq in the fanart of the meme is voa

7 mins: he missed the broadcast he was expecting, thats the moment

7 mins 47: 2nd piece of fanart shout out to dawn reynolds in Tennessee

8 mins: call for fanart submissions

9 mins: ecocentrik ad!

10 mins 49: you could always paypal donate to vorw

11 mins 33: 2nd time he's said piecemeal so far. We're getting into the meat of the show now. 2022 is ending.

11 mins 42: in just a few days 2023 will begin {happy gregorian new year🍾🍾🍾}

12 mins: its the predictions show debrief; 2 shows in january, listener predictions show and a normal show

14 mins 30: email call for predictions

16 mins 35: political predictions a-ok, bilateral space

18 mins 30: talking about the 2020 prediction show

20 mins: winter storm news

21 mins 55: there were 37 deaths because of the cold weather "isnt that something"

22 mins 30: speaking of disaster deaths, genie use

23 mins: use the generator outside

23 mins 30: someone who cant stop stealing things might take it if its outside

24 mins: solemn pledge to always be raising awareness about generator safety

25 mins: first things first, last show mic issues came up

26 mins: analog sound hound; some crackling is good

27 mins: he cant just get the replacement part he needs by itself

28 mins: lets start with the bad news

28 mins 30: online coin toss deciding what to talk about first

29 mins: on dec 2nd he got wendys and it food poisoned him

30 mins: the sandwich was "horrid", "horrible"

30 mins 47: might never review another fast food Italian sando; "it disgusts me"

31 mins: there was a time in 2014 when he got a stomach virus

31 mins 49: negative association with hotdogs because he ate them while sick

32 mins: hotdog barf memory tour

33 mins: it wasnt the hotdogs fault, but it WAS the wendys's fault

33 mins 30: 2nd delightfully particular occurrence of saying manifesting

34 mins: discussing salt overload

36 mins: some people are questioning how he can know it was the wendys

36 mins 45: he eats one meal a day

37 mins 47: "manifested"

38 mins: if you eat a bunch of meals in a day its harder to know what it was that made you sick

38 mins 57: "manifests"

39 mins: sensitive to temperature, used to having cold extremities

40 mins: getting sick reminded him of having covid last year, temp rang in at 102

41 mins: the sandy sucks but it probably won't make others sick

42 mins: shaming the local wendys

44 mins: never going to that wendys again, "it is what it is"

44 mins 45: 2nd issue at hand, came up while he was sick, related to the shortwave show

45 mins: radio is freeing because theres no content moderation

46 mins: cost of energy increase for 2023

47 mins: he's put tens of thousands of dollars into the shortwave broadcast over the years; "its another reason to wake up each day. Yknow, thats how it is, sometimes"

47 mins 30: the patreon pays for it, mostly

48 mins: airtime to europe is already the most expensive rate, they said prepare for an increase and he did

50 mins: he messages the provider back saying the increase is workable and tries to book airtime thru february

51 mins: the station is under new management

51 mins 30: "what happens when management changes? Everything goes to sh[it]"

53 mins: they say ok we'll work with you but now we only accept payment some byzantine new way

56 mins: he cant abide by this payment method

57 mins: finances is "serious business," "im not willing to be all care-free about it"

58 mins: dec 30 is the last broadcast out of that station

58 mins 55: been doing the show 8 years now

59 mins: so far in vorw history he's only cut certain stations because of cost or signal quality

1 hr: it was a good thing but ive got to walk away from it; this frees up resources

Part 2

#vorw #reviewbrah #Youtube

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victoria1676 · 2 years ago

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Okay I just remembered that the reader had decided not to destroy sumeru and snezhnaya but the real reason they didn't destroy sumeru is because they saw how their archon looked like a child and you can't tell me they thought 'This child's canna be the true reason this nations gonna downfall so there no point lmao' but it could also be because they never really attacked them and maybe assisted the reader because their are healer there but also their archon represents wisdom lol so they wouldn't be as blind anyway I'll be back to give you more art and just chat lol anyway see ya.

-Anon Crow ✌️

Notice: This is all for fun and mostly something you dont need to take serious in the game as these are just my opinions and thoughts that I try my besg to make people understand despite it might not be able to understand properly the way I try to show it TwT

Actually the reason why I picked Sumeru and Snezhnaya is that:

Sumeru:

Since its coming out next month I will be busy exploring and reading the lore alot so that I can understand the plot of that region and trying to understand all the Sumeru characters properly without butuchering or making the character OOC. The dendro archon is like so far obviously the god of wisdom and despite their small form they are very much someone we do not underestimate if people like read or why the Dendro archon is a small child XD

But anyways back to the topic.

Like i mentioned the Dendro Archon despite being youngest of the seven being 500 years old if I am correct remembering Ganyu's dialogue where she mentioned about the dendro archon and yes again they are the God of Wisdom so for me I am sure they would be aware something is wrong with the creator that suddenly appeared and acting like a tyrant. Espeically like despite they are mentioned to be a kid we cant underestimate them XD

Hopefully around 3.0 we can get more lore of her and lore of Sumeru because im dying to know their lore including Fontaine!! 😭💕👌

Snezhnaya:

I find like considering that is basically where all the Fatui are gonna be appearing a lot and the Tsaritsa so far me is like someone who worship the creator in her own way but never a harder core type like Zhongli, Venti and Ei. She feels like someone who cares about the creator but is more focused on her plan.

(Yeah so far im still trying to get the right description of Tsaritsa without making her OOC TwT forgive meeee)

But like both she and her harbingers have their own goals and I think some harbingers i find would not be a worshipping type unlike Childe who already is exposed being a vessel and someone who will do anything be the creator's side.

Meanwhile I still have to search more info of the harbingers as majority some of their lores were mentioned by charas, books and artifacts of them.

La Signora for me is the one who would despise the creator but always like questions them on why didnt they save her beloved and why is her body (and possibly her soul) now confined into a daily torture of boss fighting domain.

Scaramouche for me feels like someone who hates the creator for making him go through a hard and harsh life especially taking away his friend away. It would take time for him to like get around okay with reader.

But honestly these are just my thoughts since I havent done much re-reading lores since I am still waiting for Sumeru and also trying to get more primos to get Kazuha since i only have 4 or 3 days left to get him along with Heizou DX

These two inazuman anemo boys better come home cause i legit had to multitask my last summer assignments and farm more primos to get them before the banner ends. I could have also get Klee if my luck as a F2P is not very bad and cursed TwT

#anon crow #genshin impact self aware #genshin sagau #genshin self aware #sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact #genshin self aware au #self aware au #sagau dsmp reader #genshin impact x dream smp crossover #sagau impostor au #sagau villain au #la signora #scaramouche #childe

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angstysebfan · 3 years ago

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The Past Can Break You - 2

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: Smut 18+ only please

When Bucky made it up to your shared room he slowly and silently opened the door. You were sitting on your bed, your back facing the door, but he could tell you were crying by the shaking of your shoulders. It broke his heart to see you so upset.

He closed the door behind him and walked over to sit next to you. He wrapped his metal arm around your waist and pulled you into his embrace. You then openly sobbed into his chest. Bucky caressed your back and kissed you on the head, allowing you to cry.

When you started to calm down you sighed deeply, sniffed, and said, “Are you going to break up with me now?”

Bucky’s heart completely broke. He put his finger under your chin, forcing you to look at him. “No, baby. Of course not. I love you. I love you so much! Why would you think that?” He asks.

“Because before we started dating you told me about Dot and how much she meant to you. You were going to propose when you got home from the war. Well here is your chance to live the life you wanted with the girl you wanted,” you say as tears again start to leak from your eyes.

“Baby, I’m not the same man I was then. Yes, I still have love for Dot, but I’m so madly in love with you. I promise,” he said, kissing your forehead, nose, and then lips.

“I’m going to help Dot become acclimated to the world now, and help her settle. But I promise I will always be here for you, ok?” He asks.

You nod, feeling slightly better. “I love you,” you say.

“I love you too. I’ve gotta get down to the lab. I promised Dot I would be down there with her. But I won’t be long,” he says before kissing you again and then leaving.

You sit and wait for him, hoping it wouldn’t take too long. But after 4 hours you give up on him and go to sleep. You hope that he will keep his word on still loving you. You don’t want to lose him. You love him too much.

- -

1 month later

Over the last several weeks, you’ve only seen Bucky’s about a handful of times. He’s always off with Dot, helping her learn the ways of today, and helping her deal with her “trauma”. Every time he tries to give you a little time she always calls for him saying how upset she is or that she’s about to have a panic attack. You try and be understanding but at the same time it’s really starting to annoy you.

One of the worst things is that he barely even sleeps with you anymore. This morning you woke up to an empty bed, yet again, and head downstairs for breakfast. When you got down to the common room you heard the sound of Dot’s giggles and saw her sitting on the couch with Bucky, her feet on his lap. At that point you lost your appetite, so you went up to the roof instead.

After an hour you hear the door to the roof open as you’re staring off into the distance. You feel arms wrapped around your waist as a stubble chin rest on your shoulder. You decide to ignore him and continue staring off into the distance and several thoughts past of your mind.

“Was looking for you,” Bucky said as he kissed your shoulder. “Why you up here all alone?”

You sigh, “well I’m used to being alone a lot these days. And I guess I didn’t feel like sitting there watching you and Dot flirt in the common room,“ you say annoyed.

You hear him sigh behind you as he puts his forehead on your shoulder. “I know, and I’m so sorry that I haven’t been around much. I’m just trying to do my best to help her,” He said.

“I promise I’ll try and do better at managing my time so that I can spend more time with my girl,“ he says as he kisses the back of your head and trails kisses all the way down to your neck.

He turns you around in his arms and rests his forehead on yours. Before you know it you are both swaying to no music, until Bucky starts singing your song. You wrap your arms around his neck as you both slow dance to your song as Bucky sings. When he finishes you kiss him passionately.

“Tonight we will have date night. No Dot, no interruptions, just you, me, and that new lingerie you bought a few weeks ago,” he says as he continues to sway you.

You smile widely at the thought of spending a night alone with your boyfriend. “Oh Bucky, that sounds amazing! I’ve missed you so much, and I get what your doing, but it’s hard,” you say.

“I know. I’ve been neglecting you and it ends now. You are my priority, not Dot. And I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. Tonight,” he says.

You kiss him in reply.

- -

Later that night, after dinner and another bout of dancing, you come out of the bathroom with your new lingerie set. You stand in the doorway staring at your half naked boyfriend. Bucky’s eyes darken with lust as he starts to stalk towards you like a lion about to pounce.

“You look good enough to eat, baby,” he says huskily. He then pulls you into his arms with a searing kiss.

He leads you to the bed and throws you on it, before jumping on top, connecting your lips again. His hand travels down to your core and he moves your panties to the side, putting pressure on your clit. He starts rubbing at an intensely fast pace, making you lose your breath. Very quickly he pulls your first orgasm from you.

Before you come back to earth you feel your new panties being ripped from you, as well as the bra. Bucky loved to rip your underwear all the time. He kissed his way down your stomach to your wet core and dove in. Your back arched off the bed.

“Oh my god, Bucky!” You moaned as your hand pulled his hair.

He then stuck two metal fingers into you and started pumping. You knew it wouldn’t be long now. You couldn’t stand the amazing sensation of his fingers and tongue. You started to feel the build up of pressure in your belly.

“Bucky! I’m going to cum,” you cry as you again orgasm on his face.

After a moment Bucky kisses his way back up your lips. You taste yourself on his tongue, which makes you wetter, if that’s possible. “You are the best thing I have ever tasted, Doll. Truly exquisite,” he says.

He then pulls off his pants and boxers before lining up with you. He slowly starts to push in, which feels amazing. After a moment he completely bottoms out in you. He kissed you, and just as he is about to thrust, you are both interrupted by FRIDAY.

“Sergeant Barnes, Ms. Jones is requesting to see you sir,” she says.

Bucky groans into your neck, “Tell her I’m busy and we’ll talk in the morning,” he says.

“I’m sorry sir, but she appears to be having a panic attack and having trouble breathing,” FRIDAY says.

“Shit,” Bucky says as he pulls out of you and grabs his sweats. He looks at you guiltily, “I’m sorry. I’ll be back in 10 minutes tops, and then we can finish what we started,” he says before running out the door.

You stare at the door as it closes in shock. He just left you in the middle of sex for his ex. What the hell! You lay there and wait, but after 2 hours you decide to get dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. You take your ruined lingerie and throw it out. You lay back on your bed thinking about how you will have a stern discussion when he comes back.

Before you know it, another 2 hours go by and it’s the middle of the night. You’re more than angry, now you are hurt. You grab your pillow and your blanket and leave your shared room with Bucky, and head to your old room. After locking the door, you inform FRIDAY not to let anyone, especially Bucky in. You climb into bed and allow a few tears before falling asleep.

- -

Bucky woke up the next morning disoriented. When he realized he was still in Dot’s room he panicked. After he finally got Dot to calm down last night he went to leave but Dot begged him to stay until she fell asleep. He must have dozed off too. He quickly got out of the bed and quietly exited the room.

Steve was coming down the hall and saw Bucky’s coming out of Dot’s room. “ why are you in Dot‘s room?” Steve asked.

“She had a panic attack last night and I came to calm her down and fell asleep. Y/N is going to be so pissed at me,” Bucky said.

“Wasn’t last night date night?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded, “Yea and Dot interrupted right in the middle of sex. I left Y/N there naked on the bed like a jackass,” Bucky said angrily.

“You left her in the middle of sex to deal for your ex!? Why didn’t you ask me to deal with it?” Steve yelled.

“I don’t know. Dot says she only feel comfortable with me. I’m just trying to help her. But I’m going to lose my girl in the process. I’ll talk to Dot later about it, but things have to change. I can’t keep ignoring my girl,” Bucky said.

Steve nodded, “Yeah, we’ll good luck with talking to her after last night,” he said before slapping Bucky’s shoulder and leaving.

Bucky sighed and went to your shared room, only to see that you weren’t there. He checked the kitchen, common room, roof, gym, and lab but couldn’t find you. The last place he went was to your old bedroom. He found the door locked, which told him he found you.

“FRIDAY, can you please open the door?” He asked the AI.

“I’m sorry Sergeant Barnes. But I was requested by Agent Y/L/N to not let anyone, especially you in,” FRIDAY said.

Bucky’s heart dropped. He really messed up.

- -

Chapter 1 / Chapter 3

A lot happening in this chapter. Bucky being stupid, but at least he is aware. Now can he fix it? will the reader let him? And what else will Dot do? Feedback is appreciated!

Permanent Taglist: @hailmary-yramliah @tuiccim @comedictragedy @cap-n-stuff @thefridgeismybestie @swiftmind @aleaisntcreative @lookiamtrying @pinknerdpanda @morganclaire4 @iamvalentinaconstanza @verygraphicink @im-squished @joannie95 @peace-love-hobbitness @connie326 @amandamdiehl @harrysthiccthighss @its-izzys @roserose26 @rebekahdawkins @elegantobservationstudentsblog @broco8 @shinykoalacat @white-wolf1940 @jessyballet

Story Taglist: @afuckingshituniverse @wintrfld

#bucky #Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #Bucky angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x dot

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purkinje-effect · 3 years ago

Note

(im @qualtoth ) did i hear something about vermont fanon. eyes emoji

It took me a few days to get back to you, but hey hi hello again <3

Yep! I've craved for many years to extend the Fallout 4 map to include all of New England, not just Bar Harbor and about a third of Massachusetts. I've called the region between the Great Lakes and Maine "The Hinter," though I fluctuate whether that includes US-annexed Canada, or if that's its own entity. Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine are the particular focus for my worldbuilding efforts for The Hinter. (I really need to put in the effort to flesh out what survived of Montréal in the Underground City. Montréal, Ottawa, and Canada in general are a blind spot in the project at present. I don’t really have much of anything for Northern New York yet, either.)

A lot of my focus has been on meteorological and geological features. Settlements are scattered and, as I mentioned in the post about August, many of those are nomadic and don't stay put in any one place for more than a few months. Let's see if I can sort my thoughts a bit better than last time. Starting with an incredibly messy mostly traced map. Let me know if Tumblr shrinks it too much to be legible, and I’ll repost this reply as an image post. Not sure what it does with inline images these days...

Edit: Tumblr done screwed up these inline pics. I made a separate photo post here.

Let’s discuss... The Hinter.

Hinter Settlements

The region called The Hinter starts at the Northern border of Massachusetts. I typically demarcate it somewhere West of Montréal, and out East some way into Nova Scotia. Settlements are few and far between, but it’s not unheard of for individuals and single families to occupy houses “in the middle of nowhere.” There’s a lot of mountain life abound. Vault-Tec only built two proper vaults in New England outside Massachusetts--one in New Hampshire, and one in Bar Harbor, Maine. Most settlements consolidated survivors in locations ripe with prewar amenities.

The warhead that struck Montréal permanently obstructed the flow of the St. Lawrence River. Lake Champlain subsequently dried up and became a valley, no longer able to collect sufficient water from the Richelieu. Its sediment is rich in nuclear deposits washed in from the inundation of the tributary being blasted off course, and its lime in particular a major facet of the glassblowers’ artistry in Burlington, VT.

The Underground City (Montréal, Québec): Based on the location by the same name, much like in the Capital Wastes with its extensive subway tunnels, Montréal’s population largely took shelter beneath it. I haven’t fleshed it out, but it’s definitely still the largest Canadian settlement. It’s not very well known to outsiders, and the primary travelers are Children of Atom pilgrims on Valence track. (Eternal thanks to @mayihavethisdanse for cluing me into details for this area. You’ve contributed some really great insight for this region in general.)

Burlington, VT: A Children of Atom settlement. The Grand Mother Skwodovska of the Hinter Children resides in the Five Sisters monastery here, a sect dedicated to archival of holy knowledge. Much of the settlement overall is monastic glassblowers, who craft with a mixture of lime from the now-dry Champlain Basin and trinitite silicates that washed ashore from the Montréal blast. They make non-radioactive glassware as well, but only for commerce.

Montpelier Galleria, VT: A settlement with both pockets of Children and a sizable secular population. The federal district provides housing for a diverse mercantile settlement structured much like Bunker Hill in the Commonwealth.

Manchester, NH: [Redacted] live here, unknown to a majority of the region. Not even Children at The Ledge tend to be aware of their misanthropic hidden neighbors.

Ant Lane (Nashua, NH): Once the Pheasant Lane Mall, Ant Lane was erected as an experiment in above-ground vault design. It held fast on Great War Day, and now stands as one of the largest settlements in the entire Hinter. Many of the inhabitants of both the mall and the satellite strip are descendants of those shopping on October 23, 2077, but it is a major travel hub on the border of the Hinter. Ant Lane’s Concourse is a significant Granitic Mass site, lined with holy Barre granite, but for reasons unknown to a majority of Children, it does not whisper. Children have thus nicknamed the mall “the Quiet Granite.” Burlington Glassworks is the Children’s home within Ant Lane, and while living at the mall on their Valence pilgrimages, they spend the season diligently maintaining the Armillary Bulbs which illuminate an otherwise entirely dark shopping mall. The Aldermen and the Mayor have a generational dynamic. Also there are literal ants.

Far Harbor, ME

also, included to bridge my worldbuilding, these two aren’t in the Hinter proper, but are still important-ish:

Worcester, MA: CIT Worcester is overrun with Super Mutant activity hostile to outsiders. There are human settlements in the outskirts.

Lowell, MA: Largely a ghost town. There’s still signs of life on base at the Deenwood Compound in Chelmsford, but the largest settlement is in Voire in Centralville. The Furriers are heavily mutated social chem addicts who do travel to do trade with their meat and leather craft. Their leather is the zenith of Rad-Resistant gear, for one intending to live in the Hinter for any duration.

The Hinter Children

Hinter Children’s religious history goes back well before the Megaton caravan brought Cromwell’s Children into New England, but the religion found its direction and unity in their arrival. Much of the area saw Joual-style modification of Quebecois, and Children are frequently fluent in a “Church French” version of Quebecois called Keb, complete with the bleed of Catholic imagery. Many Children are bilingual, but it’s far less common for them to speak English in locations where its inhabitants are residents not travelers, such as Five Sisters, the Rock of Ages, or the Singing Stone District. As a whole, the Hinter speaks Keb, regardless of whether their spirituality follows the Church of Children.

Armillary Bulbs: Glassblowing has become a religious practice for the children of Burlington, approximating the ideology of Holy Atom as a World-Vessel. Their primary commerce by caravan with other settlements is their rich glass artistry, most notably their alchemical lights, armillary bulbs. Klein bottles with necks flourished to intimate an atomic diagram, these bulbs are filled with a fluid which fluoresces in reaction to the radiation present in the glass. (They’re in essence reverse uranium glass: the contents glow, not the glass.) They provide a long-lasting light source free of electrical necessity, a crucial utility for anyone living in The Hinter.

The Far Harbor Children got along on neutral terms with the nomadic Hinter Children for years, until Tektus took on the mantle of High Confessor and shut out the slightest hints of heresy. The lighting in the Nucleus is the only thing that remains now of the time during which Hinter Children could make pilgrimage to the hangar, albeit disguised as or transferred to other vessels to mask their origins. When pressed on the matter, the High Confessor will insist that the chemistry of the light source is a gift found in Atom’s Kingdom and available for the pious and humble, NOT those heathen Fog-Lost.

Atom As a Woman: Burlington Children in particular believe Atom is a World-Mother.

Granitic Mass: The greatest source of Tektus branding them heretics, the Hinter Children regard not just nuclear sites as holy but large granite and marble quarries also. Granitic intrusions have a tendency to “imprint” resonance, especially upon adopting its crystalline structure. All Children believe in Division: just as atoms split and spill forth Atomic Light, so to does the soul. For the Hinter Children, these Granitic Masses are evidence of entire worlds that underwent Division, the cosmic dust of which forged our current world. Certain quarry sites are settlements for higher orders of Hinter Children, most notably the Rock of Ages, home to the Daughters of Radon.

In addition to the quarries themselves, granite hewn from specific quarries to erect architecture and monuments are of particular holy significance to Hinter Children. The Hope Cemetery, the Singing Stone District, and Saint Gaudens Park are notable examples. Traveling Route 89 from Ant Lane to Burlington, Children frequent any major cemeteries rich with statues and headstones. The Singing Stone District in the ruins of downtown Montréal is one of the largest concentrations of both Barre and Stanstead granite, used for federal and financial district structures such as the Sun Life Building. It is a harrowing site to traverse, however, and observing here is often reserved for Hierosacristans.

Valence Pilgrimage: Just as atomic particles follow an orbit drawn in by Atom’s nucleus, Hinter Children travel extensively from Granitic Mass to Granitic Mass. Typical travel takes them clockwise from site to site at the changing seasons or more frequent. Only Sacristans, tasked with curating a Granitic Mass, stay longer. Pilgrims travel in troupes by caravan, doing commerce with non-Children along the way and spreading the good will of the World-Mother. Not all Children travel the same orbit: some cut wide and far, while others visit only a couple of Granitic Masses.

Hierosacristans and the Daughters of Radon: Most Hinter Children follow set travel routes on their Valence orbits. Within Barre’s Daughters of Radon are two groups. The first remains behind to worship the granite and listen to its whispers. The other travels off the well-traveled orbit, in search of documenting other Granitic Masses. The latter, Hierosacristans, are in essence the Hinter Children’s Zealots. They are a rare example of the pacifistic faction taking up armor and defensive weaponry. Sacristans act as scribes, archivists, and religious leaders. Hierosacristans act as trailblazing cartographers. Prior to their exile from the Nucleus, Hierosacristans were afforded access to procuring Marine Armor, but they have since been denied even that. Their armor in recent years is frequently a mix of salvaged metal and the fur and leather of CaRadBou, the fur of which absorbs all Atomic Glow and shines a brilliant white. Due to their sheer size, hunting CaRadBou is also an activity left to Daughters, who can travel as a pack to collect one to feed a settlement as needed.

Stone Tape Sites (Children Holy Sites)

Hinter Children worship not just nuclear sites, but also granite and marble quarries and architectural remains which used stone hewn from them. As stated above, under Granitic Mass, the material’s tendency to record information in its crystalline structure presents itself to Hinter Children as proof of the Worlds Before. (Granite can be very radioactive as well, depending on its composition.)

(A wip of the Ant Lane Concourse.)

The Singing Stone District (Montréal, QC): The federal and financial district in the ruins of what once was downtown Montréal. Barre and Stanstead granite were both used extensively during the city’s deco revival. It’s incredibly hazardous to travel at ground zero in Montréal, both due to failing buildings and the various wildlife that’s reclaimed the involuntary park, so travel here is typically reserved for pilgrims equipped for it. The most highly revered of the structures is the still standing Sun Life Building. Children just love that company logo...

Burlington, VT: The Hinter Children’s mecca. Some study at the Five Sisters monastery as Sacristans. Others observe glassblowing practices, crafting Armillaries. Though not a granitic site, the entire Champlain Basin is of particular significance as a nuclear site, due to the geological sequelae of the Montréal bomb during the Great Division.

Stanstead Quarry (Stanstead, QC): Prewar, this quarry was bored by the same company that owned Rock of Ages. Its makeup is largely the same as Rock of Ages, but it lay deeper in the Fog, and can be a difficult travel location on the Valence orbit. It’s socially acceptable for Hinter Children to season here for long stretches, as most Children are not versed in combat and wildlife this deep North into the Hinter can be harrowing. The granite here typically does not produce audible playback, but often yields breathtaking boreal effects.

The Nucleus (Mt. Desert, Bar Harbor, ME): Nucleus Children call pilgrims the “Fog-Lost” after the High Confessor’s pejorative. They’re forbidden from entering the hangar, but are known to wander the wilderness directly surrounding it. Hinter Children insist that Atom’s Spring is for all Atom’s Children, not only those Tektus will call his own. Every season the Zealots will elect a single “Fog-Lost” to drink from the Spring and report back their experience. If the Zealots believe the individual’s vision indicates the good favor of the Fog Mother, the entire group of pilgrims may partake in a Fog sabbatical together. They are not allowed to season anywhere on the island past this test and ritual. Harbormen no longer trust any Children, regardless of their allegiances. (Mt. Desert is additionally a granitic site, but it is not from a granitic intrusion with strong imprints.)

Maine State Prison (Thomaston, ME): Originally a penitentiary quarry abandoned long before the Great Division, the warden used prison labor for recreational excavation. This location has only just recently been discovered by Hierosacristans, and is not populated. Grand Mother Skwodovska has yet to declare it safe for pilgrimage. Despite its original imprint of the Worlds Before, due to the nature of the labor which carved it out of the Earth, it’s also picked up the essence of repetitive manual labor.

The Ledge (Derryfield Park, Manchester, NH): This granite lights up in a brilliant boreal tapestry under the right conditions. Before the Great Division, prewar Manchesterites were drawn to the water that fills this quarry. Many swimmers were once compelled to jump from the top of the quarry walls down into the water below, often to their deaths. Hinter Children do not venture any deeper West into the ruins of Manchester, content with the forested region surrounding The Ledge and Vault 140. Second only to the Rock of Ages, Children regard wintering at The Ledge to be the height of their religious experience. They will ice skate on the pond well to dance with the lights.

Ant Lane (Pheasant Lane Mall, Nashua, NH): Its Concourse is lined with holy Barre granite, but for reasons unknown to Children it no longer whispers. The Children call the mall “the Quiet Granite.” Children usually only stay for one season at a time, to share the task of maintaining the Armillary Bulbs which illuminate the settlement, before handing the task over to the next caravan of pilgrims coming in from The Ledge.

Saint Gaudens Park: Monument to one of the greatest sculptors of the modern world, and the designer of countless bronze monuments throughout the country, the grounds are filled with examples of his granite, marble, and bronze work. The park lay just off Route 89 on one’s way Northwest through the White Mountains. Many Children pass through here. It still functions as a sculptural school, and here many hone their grasp of three-dimensional space to heighten their glassblowing skills upon returning up the interstate home to Five Sisters. It’s said the artistic medium whispers to the artist, begging to be freed.

Dunwich Borers (Salem, MA): A site chiefly reserved for Hierosacristans, as traversing such a deep mine shaft requires skill and purpose... It’s also necessary for Children entering the mine to be able to remind feral ghouls of what they are, as the deeper one goes, the more one will find. The granite in this location is especially radioactive.

Kingsport Lighthouse (Kingsport, MA): a splinter sect of Children who worship a Glowing One. An example of a denomination of Children who regard ghouls, feral or not, as touched by Atom. They likely once studied at the Church of Eternal Light before traveling with the Megaton caravan that brought the Capital Wastes’ Children into New England. (included as an afterthought cause I forgot)

Thicket Excavations (Bedford, MA): I can’t remember off the top of my head what I had planned out for this site. I can’t even remember if I think the Children would have determined a way to drain it, or if they’d leave it flooded. It’s there. I guess.

Quincy Quarries (Quincy, MA): An abandoned quarry picked as a site for widespread improper nuclear waste disposal. Not a Valence site, but Hierosacristans do make occasional visits to the location in an attempt to convert the rational ghouls who have taken up residence in the quarry. Despite these ghouls’ resistance thus far to listen to religious fanatics, Hinter Children still regard them utmost as Atom’s Undying.

Crater of Atom (Providence, RI): When the Children traveled from Megaton to make pilgrimage to the Nucleus, the caravans eventually split into three directions. The then-Sister Skwodovska took one North, and founded Five Sisters and the Singing Stone District. The Then-Confessors Martin and Tektus led a second Northeast, and founded the Nucleus. Sister Isolde took the third East, and founded the Crater of Atom amidst the Glowing Sea. Now Mother Isolde, she cares deeply for all Atom’s pilgrims. The settlement will accept any of Atom’s Children, regardless of whether they are simply visiting, so long as they will not hesitate to protect the holy site without hesitation. (included in sentiment only cause I cropped to where it isn’t shown on the map)

Retreat Trail (Retreat, Brattleboro, VT): In a similar way that Maine State Prison prescribed prison labor as a mode of rehabilitation, so too did Brattleboro Retreat, the nation’s first asylum committed to recovery. Many of the stone formations in the area Currently only known to a single immodestly heretical Hinter Child, August, though Hierosacristan Fresnel will eventually cross paths with him and seek to study the site. The tower was erected in rough-hewn local granite, but the whispering stone lays below ground in a cistern where digging had allegedly continued past the point the project required. The nature trail which encircles the Tower is of particular caliber for meditative strolls for Hinter Children, a personal solipsistic Valence track of sorts. The asylum itself is a strong candidate for Children housing, should the Grand Mother ever declare it appropriate for Children to make pilgrimage.

Norcross-West Quarry (Dorset, VT): The oldest marble quarry in the country. Though not granite, the metamorphic rock contains some of the most potent Worlds Before imagery. Many of its subterranean inhabitants observe a hybridized religion between their wilderness beliefs and the ideologies the Children have brought with them on their Valence. Sacristans remain on site year-round to study the visions the granite yields, though many inhabitants consider the phenomena ordinary by their everyday standards, they’re so commonplace.

Hope Cemetery (Barre, VT): Mausoleums, monuments, and headstones here are all carved from holy Barre granite. Sacristans curate the monuments here year round, often traveling only a two-site Valence between it and the Rock of Ages. Its imprints are fragmented and scattered, but frequent in the open air.

The Rock of Ages Quarry (Barre, VT): The holiest Granitic Mass to the Hinter Children. Only Hierosacristans are permitted in its deepest caverns, but the vast deep dimension rock face of the site whisper so loudly and so continuously that even Children who are not Daughters of Radon can hear it. Rock of Ages was regarded as a Stone Tape site even before the Great Division, and pursuit of its secrets has been ongoing for centuries. Its history is the most well documented of any of the Children’s holy sites.

Weather

Weather in the Hinter still includes events commonplace before the Great Division, but two types of weather have since developed.

The Fog: Not isolated to Mt. Desert Island, a dense radioactive fog blankets a high ratio of the Hinter. Unless settlers are able to tolerate mountain life above the Fog, they must adjust their living conditions accordingly. It can yield a weak magnetic field at times that can cause the simplest technology to malfunction. Even a seasoned internal compass can be led astray. Without extensive Wasteland homoeopathy or sufficient Rad Resistance, it’s impossible to survive in the Fog for any extended duration.

Nor’easters: Before the war, they posed the risks of both a blizzard and a hurricane, but now the highly radioactive seawater they carry ashore has mutated them into an entirely different, more potent hazard. Once a storm cell hits the Fog front, they magnify one another, generating deeply disorienting magneto-acoustic fields and scattering upwards of ten feet of radioactive snow at a time. These magneto-acoustic fields “activate” the granite imprints and trigger replay events of the sensory input contained therein. Children consider such experiences deeply entheogenic, as only Daughters can experience the granite whispers without a storm to bring out the Worlds Before.

Hinter Children are especially winter-ready, and even pilgrims mid-transit rarely struggle in the face of heavy winter weather. They have to be ready, if they’re to witness for themselves every event time the eldritch arcane seems to bleed from one reality into the next.

_________________________________________

I’ve probably forgotten things here and there... but here she is. Gonna put a lampshade on my Lovecraft-grade spoiler dodging and call it a night.

#children of atom #let's have fun in new hampshire #the hinter #vt nh me #asks #replies #fallout #fallout 4 #hopefully i haven't shown ALL my cards for manchester impasse now #i want to include something doc benton flavored but you all will have to accept august as he is for now ROFL #fan lore #vermont #new hampshire #maine

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kyber-crystal · 4 years ago

Text

Unspoken Words

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 4.2k (I POPPED OFF LOLLLLL)

Summary: In which the night before being deployed on a covert black-ops mission overseas with Natasha, you write Steve a secret love letter that you never intended to give him. But, it still ends up falling into his hands.

Warnings: fluff, soft angst, cute steve hehe

A/N: once again, shamelessly stole this idea from the kdrama im watching adsfasdf

To Steve.

You always told me it was time I found someone who cared for me just as much as I cared about others. For the longest time, I had myself believing I was set for life since I already had the team. That I didn’t need to find a man to sweep me off my feet and take his last name, to have as my own, as every time I seemed to let my feelings wander astray, it’d end in tragedy.

After waiting for too long to say this, I guess I'm gonna come clean now, so brace yourself. I felt as if this would be easier for me if I was saying it on paper rather than in person, so here you go.

I realized I'm in love with you. You never leave my mind. You're always there, mentally, if not physically. It's hard for you to comprehend all at once, I know, it's hard for me to wrap my mind around, too. It still feels unreal that I'm actually admitting all this to you. I could've sworn I'd only acted this way in my dreams, but hey, reality can sometimes come up behind you and slap you in the face, you know?

In the middle of the storm, a war that rages on in my mind, you’re my safe haven. You’re the gentle center who keeps me steady and prevents me from teetering over the edge and losing my grip on reality. You keep me centered, and I don’t know what I’d do without you by my side. Steven Grant Rogers, I’m in love with you. I know, it doesn’t seem real. As crazy as it sounds, I’m hopelessly in love with you.

Steve, you are my one stability in a chaos-ridden world and I thank you endlessly for that. I so desperately needed something to hold onto, something to convince me I was still alive and breathing and somewhat sane. It's hard for me, it's hard that only today I've accepted the feelings I'd been harboring inside for years. But I've decided to admit defeat and admit I've officially fallen in love with you. Because what I'm beginning to feel now is far too strong for me to ignore; it's impossible to keep up this act when you're all I can seem to think about.

It's all strange, honestly. The feeling of butterflies flying around my stomach and tickling my insides makes me feel as if I'm up in the sky, my head in the clouds, but it also overwhelms me and makes me scared at the same time. The fact that I'm in so deeply in love scares me because I know when I'm really in love with someone, it's hard to escape once I've completed the act of falling for them.

Weird, right? Who knew the great Y/N was so capable of being a romantic sap?

It feels dangerous yet completely safe at the same time, as if someone's given me peace and my heart is dancing around in my chest because it's so happy, at the same time there is a Captain America-shaped hole there in the center that I was never aware was there in the beginning. My chest aches at the thought of having to leave you or you not reciprocating my feelings, but I know I might just suffer that fate, since the world as I know it, isn't kind whatsoever. I should know this better than anyone, after fighting countless battles.

It scares me more than excites me, how you can go from being really close friends to then being completely infatuated and in love with them and wondering how you were ever able to go on with your daily life without them, because I sure as hell can't imagine that now. In the beginning, I told myself it's not right, I still had so much of my life ahead of me, so much time to plan out what I'm going to end up like in the future but my brain is screaming no, no, it is right, it's meant to be.

The team tries convincing me to do something about it but I'm terrified. Terrified that I'll have to bring down the thick and heavy walls I spent so much time building up in the fears of being hurt and damaged and my heart shattered to a million jagged pieces.

I know most people would consider me to be foolish and naïve for spilling my feelings through a sappy love letter, but it's true when I say I love you so much more than I could ever love myself. You're my best friend, and as cheesy as it sounds, you are my everything. My anchor.

I fell for you all on my own. Not because I was pressured to or anything, but because I made the decision myself. I don't just give my heart to you by default as if there's no one else available for me to open up to. It's because I choose to. Every day that I wake up, every day we're fighting for our lives or fighting each other or going about a normal day or whatever, I'll keep choosing you over and over again, and I hope someday you'll do the same.

I love you more than you know. And if you don't feel the same way, then it's perfectly fine. I understand, and I'll wait for you as long as it takes, no matter what.

Whatever it takes.

Y/N

You let out a long sigh and set down your pen, folding the paper up into fourths and tucking it under your lamp before pushing yourself away from your desk and standing up, stretching your arms in the air. What even was the point of doing that, anyways? It’s not like Steve’s just going to come in here and read the letter.

The downside of living with the Avengers was that word got around very quickly, especially about your love life. There was no hiding anything from anyone, as they’d find out one way or another. If Tony didn’t find out first, it was Natasha, Sam, or Bucky who did.

“Hey, Nat,” you spoke without turning your head to look at who was behind you, knowing your red-headed best friend was leaning against the doorframe, observing you carefully.

“Y/N,” Natasha nodded and made her way inside, sitting at the edge of your bed and you took a seat next to her, as she rested her head on your shoulder. “You alright? I can tell something’s on your mind.”

You shook your head. “I’m fine.”

“Something tells me you’re not.”

“Did Wanda read my mind for you?” you raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

“No, she didn’t,” she replied honestly, “she’s busy baking cookies with Vis and Peter right now. You think you wanna tell me what’s up? As your best friend, I’m obligated to know what’s going on.”

You closed your eyes and let out a long sigh. "You know what it is."

"You mean who?"

"Why am I letting this happen to myself?"

"You can't control who you fall for,," she explained. "Your heart sometimes just has a mind of its' own."

“He’s Captain America,” you deadpanned.

“And you’re the badass Y/N!”

“I shouldn’t even have feelings in the first place. And I shouldn't have written that love letter that I won't even give him anyways, or...you know."

"You wrote him a letter?"

You got up and tugged the letter from underneath your lamp and gave it to her, watching as her eyes scanned over the paper with your tidy, typewriter-like handwriting filling the sheet from top to bottom.

"So..."

Natasha handed the paper back to you. "Why can't you just tell him?"

"Because he doesn’t like me back."

"You should tell him at some point. Keeping this all to yourself isn't healthy."

"You sound like Tony."

She chuckled lightly. "What?It's the truth."

"Fine," you threw your hands up in the air in defeat, "I’ll consider telling him after we get back from Kyiv. I’m only considering it. And if I do confess...will you take me out for shawarma? Bucky took me last time and I barely got to eat anything because he stole most of my food."

"Alright, I promise," she laughed. "You got a deal."

...

SHIELD was always taking advantage of your almost unparalleled skill in the art of covert espionage and hand to hand combat and sending you off. Normally, it would last no longer than a few days or weeks at a time, so to hear that you'd be gone for four whole months made Steve feel sick to his stomach. He was dreading having to watch you leave, because it would mean spending the next third of a year by himself, without being able to see your face or your smile or simply have you around for some good company.

You pulled him aside after dinner one night to tell him the news.

"Nat and I were called in by Fury early this morning. We're being deployed to eastern Europe to stop a nuclear missile launch."

"How long will you be gone?" He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible, but it was a dead giveaway that he didn't want you to go at all.

"Well...if things go right, 3-4 months."

"And if doesn't?"

"Six, maybe seven."

Steve felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach at your answer. "Why is it gonna take so long?"

"I don't know," you sighed, "just trying getting in and out isn't a very short process. We have to maintain low profile for a while before we infiltrate the base. If we're discovered too early on...then...well, we're basically screwed."

"Oh."

"Hey, I'm going to be fine, if that's what you're so worried about," you took his hand in yours and squeezed it tightly, "I know you're thinking I can't handle this, but I can. Nat and I are gonna look out for each other. I promise I'll be okay."

"When are you leaving?"

"First thing in the morning. We gotta go at four."

You didn't have to add on another sentence to tell him it meant you were unable to say goodbye to anyone. He nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat and trying to ignore that weird feeling in his chest as you kept holding his hand, not letting go even when you had the chance to.

Later that night, you were able to get five hours of sleep before Natasha came in to wake you up and you got ready. When she noticed how your eyes had lost the light to them and your shoulders slumped as you boarded the jet, she knew something was up.

Guilt clawed at your insides. You should’ve told him you loved him before you left, you idiot. What if you don’t make it back alive? Hm?

A set of footsteps echoing across the hangar bay suddenly made you turn around. You turned around to see Steve, jogging towards you and calling out your name. Knowing it was only a matter of minutes before you finished boarding and took off for a mission thousands of miles away, with very little ways of communication as you were supposed to be as discreet as possible when undercover, he didn't want you to leave without saying goodbye.

A mix of surprise and relief is on your face when you see him. You shake your head and give him a reassuring look, that everything was going to be okay and you'd be just fine.

"What are you doing here? You should be sleeping," your brows furrowed together in confusion as you unloaded your weapons, tying up your combat boots. "I thought you—"

Steve quickly comes forward and crushes you into a tight embrace that tells you he's going to miss you much more than he's letting on. You were quick to return the gesture, wrapping your arms around his torso and squeezing him back, resting your head against his broad chest.

"Stay safe out there," he murmured into your hair, pressing a light, fleeting kiss to the top of your hair.

You don't question his sudden act of sentiment, and just gave him a small smile in response. "Don't worry. I will."

With that, you turned around, stepping back up the ramp with Natasha. The gates to the hangar bay slid open, and within seconds you had taken off.

Steve stands there for a while even after the Quinjet is out of his sight, and it's only when Bucky pulls him back inside that he realizes he's been standing there for over an hour without moving at all.

The first few weeks pass by in a blur. He hardly eats, he hardly sleeps, he hardly even gets up for his morning runs or trains at all. After the first two months came and went, Tony grew rather concerned seeing him deteriorate and decided to ask him what was going on.

"Tony, I'm fine."

"Like hell you are. What's up with you? You haven't eaten a solid meal in over two months. You've lost some weight around your face, you almost look like a skeleton. When you haven't gone on your morning runs in forever, I should have a reason to be worried about you, Cap."

"It's been five weeks and she hasn't checked in with us yet," he stated plainly, gulping down his third cup of coffee of the day. "She should've called a week ago."

"God, I never thought you'd be the one to get so worked up over a girl," the billionaire let out a long sigh, pouring himself a cup of coffee as well at the kitchen counter before taking a seat at the island next to him, "but here we are now."

"What if she got injured?"

"Her and Nat are looking out for each other. I'm sure she's fine. She's going to be okay, so why don't you eat something solid for once? Tell me what you wanna order, I'll get it for you."

Thanks, Tony. I'll take Thai." (You and Steve often ate Thai takeout together.)

"Anytime."

Way over in Ukraine, you and Natasha were sitting on the bed in your hotel room watching the news on TV in silence because neither one of you felt like sleeping yet, until she decided to speak up.

"Why haven't you called Rogers yet?"

"I...don't know."

"He's gotta be missing you like hell, you know."

"I know. And I miss him too...a bit too much. That's why I can't call him. Because every time I hear his voice or see something that reminds me of him, it makes me fall even more in love with him and I can't afford having that. I don't want to risk getting hurt. Besides...I already summoned every last ounce of willpower to write that letter."

"You really should give him a call. It's not doing your heart any good to purposely drain yourself of him."

"Fine."

Steve had somehow allowed himself to get roped into a Mario Kart showdown with Bucky and Sam, when his phone suddenly lit up with a familiar number he could recognize anywhere. Your contact picture filled up the screen: you grinning wildly as his arms wrapped around you from behind, Pietro photobombing in the back as he made heart signs with his hands.

He picked up the phone and answered it after only one ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Steve," you spoke over the phone, "how's it going?"

"Hey," he couldn't help but break into a smile, "are you alright?"

"Yeah. We got the data files downloaded onto the flash drive and then destroyed it yesterday. So for now, we're just waiting around and maybe doing some tours of Kyiv while we have time."

"What time is it over there?"

"Half past midnight. You?"

"2:30."

"How are you holding up?"

Bucky and Sam looked over at that exact moment, wiggling their eyebrows up and down as they gestured for Steve to say something. "I'm doing fine. Got pulled into a Mario Kart deathmatch with the two idiots."

"Tell Bucky and Sam I send my regards and that I'm bringing back those baguettes I promised for when we stop over in Paris," you told him.

"I will. It's good to hear your voice, Y/N."

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter at those words. "It's good to hear your voice, too. Look, I'm sorry...but it's getting late, and my data on my phone is low, Fury didn't give me an unlimited plan so I gotta go now. See you soon."

"Okay. Try to get some good sleep, alright? I don't want you getting hurt because you didn't get a good night's rest the night before. See you."

"COME ON, MAN!" Sam yelled as soon as you hung up. "You didn't even have the decency to say 'I love you?'"

"I love her, but not like that."

"Sure you don't. I saw the way your face lit up when you picked up the phone."

"Two months," the super-soldier let out a sigh of disappointment, setting down the controller to watch him and Bucky tear each other apart on Rainbow Road, "two more months."

He picked up his phone again and clicked on his camera roll, mindlessly beginning to scroll through until one picture caught his eye. It was during summer break when you were vacationing in the Bahamas for two weeks along with several SHIELD agents, and Coulson had taken the team picture. Fury had somehow been convinced to come along as well.

As his eyes scanned all the faces in the picture, he came across himself and noticed that he wasn't smiling at the camera, but at you instead, and you were doing the same. Both of you, gazing into each others' eyes as if the two of you were the only people left on Earth.

He felt a pang in his chest as he realized, at that moment, that he was in love with you and hadn't gotten the chance to tell you so before you left. And now, it could be too late.

The letter ends up reaching Steve much faster than you'd anticipated it to. The next day, he went to drop off the sweatshirt you left in his room last time you’d had a movie night together and comes across a single sheet of paper lying out on your desk.

All the color quickly drains from his face when he realizes this wasn't actually meant for him to read. He knows what he'd just done was wrong, but the fact that he was so oblivious to how you felt about him makes him feel even worse.

...

The mission had gone extremely well. You and Natasha were in and out of that base probably faster than you could summon Tony after yelling out that one of his suits had been tampered with.

Natasha thought it'd be fun to surprise him by coming back a month early and could tell instantly that you loved the idea, judging by the way your eyes lit up when you boarded the Quinjet.

You decided to call him again on the flight back as she sat at the front piloting the jet.

"Steve?"

"Hey. What's up?"

"Uh...I'm afraid there's been a change of plans."

"What plans?" His voice quickly grew worried as he tried masking his disappointment at the fact that you weren't announcing your return.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you that, I'm sorry, but...I just wanted to call you to update you on what's happening. Signal's not very good up here, Nat and I are flying out again so I'll call you when we touch down."

"Okay. Talk to you in a bit."

After making a quick pit stop at a bakery in Paris, you were up in the skies again, zipping back towards the Avengers HQs where the rest of the team was waiting.

"You know, I think Rogers is in love with you," Natasha gave you a knowing look as you touched down.

"What makes you think that?"

"When you guys were going after Bucky...I think that's when it all happened."

"But that was several years ago?"

"Exactly."

You unbuckled your seatbelts and stood up, picking up your duffel bags as the opening gates dropped down and you stepped off the ramp to an awaiting Bucky, Sam, Clint and Peter.

"Y/N!" Peter rushed forward, squeezing you in a tight hug. "Hi! You're home early!"

"Yeah, I am," you grinned ruffling his hair as you pulled apart. "You make sure Bucky and Sam didn't misbehave?"

Sam shot you a glare as Peter replied. "Well, they were alright. Happy dropped me off here yesterday and I monitored their Mario Kart matches to make sure nobody killed someone, so yeah. Clint was good too."

You went over to Bucky as Natasha went to talk to Sam and Clint about mission details."

"Y/L/N."

"Barnes."

"How was the flight?" His hard expression softened slight as he gave you a quick hug. "I heard everything went pretty well."

"Yeah, it was okay. A bit jet-lagged, but other than that I'm fine. And speaking of flight! I got you guys something."

You motioned for Nat to bring the box of pastries from the jet, and as soon as she did everyone's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Dude, you're the best," Sam exclaimed as he bit into an eclair. "I love Parisian pastries."

"We don't wanna be here too long, now do we?" Clint spoke up. "Y/N, I think you have a special someone to surprise inside."

"Oh?" you raised an eyebrow at the archer before following him and the others inside the compound.

Steve was busy reading a news article on his phone at the kitchen island, sitting there in a plain grey T-shirt and dark jeans when he looked up and met your gaze.

"Hey, soldier," you greeted with a smirk, "miss me?"

His face broke into a grin as he set his phone down. "You're back early."

"Fury was a bit more lenient this time," you shrugged, taking your hands out of your jacket pockets, "so he let us go. Since we got the job done pretty fast."

He chuckled lightly, pulling you close in response and wrapping his strong arms around you. "I'm glad you're back."

"So I take it you really missed me, huh."

"You could put it that way."

"Like hell he missed you. You should've seen him while you were gone, Christ," Sam groaned. "He wouldn't eat anything solid for an entire week."

"Oh!" Wanda piped up, "I believe he has something to tell you? Right, Steve?"

"No, I don't?"

"Uh, we'll leave now, then," Clint awkwardly cleared his throat. "Let's give these two a minute."

With that, they calmly filed out of the kitchen, leaving the two of you to yourselves.

"You look tired," Steve raised an eyebrow at you as he noticed the dark circles under your eyes.

"You look worse," you joked, earning a small laugh from him as you circled your arms around his torso. "I'm just a bit jet-lagged. The ten hour time difference wasn't very kind to me."

"Well, I'm glad you're back," he breathed out, "I missed you."

"Ah, there it is," you mumbled into his chest. "But yeah, I missed you too. And here I was starting to think Captain America didn't have the heart to care for someone so much."

"Only for you, Y/N," he chuckled, pressing a light kiss to your forehead, "only for you."

“Wait a second,” you pulled away and saw a familiar piece of paper sticking out of his jacket pocket, “what’s that?”

Your eyes widened as you pulled it out and realized it was the letter you’d written him several months back. “Oh shit...”

“Was I not supposed to read this?’

“NO!”

“It was addressed to me, though...?”

“I never meant for you to read it!” you hissed, “Now give it back!”

“Ah ah ah! I don’t think so.”

You let out an annoyed groan, going up on your tiptoes to try and snatch the paper out of his hand. “Screw you, Rogers. Why do you have to be so damn tall?”

You jumped up and down in an attempt to get the letter back for several minutes until you finally gave up, arms growing sore. When he towered half a foot above you, it was hopeless.

Your hands landed against his chest as you let them fall and you just stood there for a few seconds, or minutes, maybe, in utter silence, with his warm breath falling against your neck and you hated yourself for wanting this moment to last longer.

The air was suddenly buzzing with anticipation, like the world was holding its breath to see what was to come next. Steve’s gaze lingered on your lips before he tilted his head downwards, placing a hand on the small of your back and pulling you in for a kiss.

His lips met your own so softly, so gently that you swore that you were dreaming for a split second, and you let out a sigh as your arms slid around his waist and tightened their grip around him.

“In case I haven’t made it obvious enough, either,” he hummed, “I’m in love with you too.”

You felt heat rise up your cheeks. “You weren’t supposed to read that!”

“Too bad,” he smirked, resting his chin on your head, “I read it already, three times. You bet I’ll be keeping this for myself.”

“I hate you so much.”

“That’s not what the letter says.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“No I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Fine! I love you.”

Steve laughed lightly. “I love you too, Y/N.”

#avengers imagines #steve rogers x reader #avengers x reader #captain america imagine #captain america x reader #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers one shot #captain america one shot #captain america fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction

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words-for-holland · 4 years ago

Text

Happier (3) | T.H.

Summary: Harrison is looking for answers. More unknown text messages and blackmail. A phone conversation takes place. Wait...who’s the new guy?

A/N: Don’t be shy let me know all your theories! Again, thank you for the support on Happier! The story continues!

Puzzle

This whole thing was just a giant puzzle that needed to be solved, but the closer one got to solving it, another complication comes around. The story wasn’t clear for anyone, but for Harrison it was a mess. He had so many questions that needed to be answered, so many clues he wish could have been solved at the snap of a finger.

Tom was too lost in himself to even comprehend the puzzling reality, Y/N while also lost in heartbreak had been awefully quiet since she left London, Kate was lying to Harrison, and Natalie had been too friendly with Tom.

Harrison replayed the conversation with Kate over and over again in his mind, trying to remember every little thing she said that night. He knew Kate was aware of something. Her tone said it all.

“Listen I dont know who you are, but if its the same person that sent my best friend a threatening message that she’s better off breaking up with her boyfriend”

“She received a few messages...from Tom.”

“Oh my god.” Harrison said to himself in realization. How could he have been so dim to not recognize what Kate had said in the first place? He paced around as he continued to think it through. But a threat message? Who would send a threat to Y/N? And what did they threaten her with? Tom and Y/N’s relationship has been secretly hidden from the public for as long as they’d been together. No one knew she even existed...right?

For a moment, Harrison stopped in his tracks, thinking of Natalie. Though he quickly shook the idea off. Natalie may have wanted Tom, but she wouldnt go as far as threatening Y/N. He had been friends with her since they went to primary school, and knew she wouldn’t go that far. “Maybe a stalker fan?” He questioned himself. Though he also quickly ruled it out, but something about it just didnt feel right.

In the kitchen, Harrison took out his laptop and started googling Y/N’s name. If her name didn’t show on the News or one of those Tom Holland fan accounts, it would at least answer one theory. As he scrolled through pages and pages, nothing showed up until...he found on account. He logged into the site and browsed the history, realizing it was all about Y/N and Toms life. Not as a couple but seperately. It all seemed too strange. Only very few accounts followed it and yet no other accounts in the world had mentioned Y/N. Harrison quickly shut his laptop when he saw Natalie enter the room.

“Oh don’t mind me just...grabbing a water.” She giggled, making her way to the fridge.

“Hey mate...uh..I guess everyone got hungry at the same time?” Harry asked, a bit surprised to see Harrison and Natalie in the kitchen.

“Yeah. I guess.” Harrison muttered.

“Well aren’t you a ray of sunshine. If i didn’t know I’d say you were the one more affected by the break up then Tom and Y/N themselves.” Natalie commented.

“No. It’s just that I dont think Y/N broke up with Tom just because of some rumors about you and him.” He explained rubbing his face from exhaustion. Natalie’s smile dropped, when she heard Harrison mention his potential theory.

“Well...did you talk to Y/N about it?” Harry asked him, also intrigued by the theory. “Now that I think about it she —“

“Oh come on. Just leave the poor girl alone. Im sure she knew what was best for the both of them. You’ll only make it worse.” Natalie interrupted, taking a sip from her water. “Well since you boys are all talk, Im gonna go find something more worth my while.”

Out of sight and out of mind, Natalie made a quick call about what she heard. “Harrison’s getting suspicious, and so is Harry.”

“Time to clean up then.” The unknown number spoke out before hanging up on Natalie completely.

Meanwhile, Kate had managed to get Y/N out of the apartment and walk the streets of the city. Her heart and spirits were still low, but she appreciated the efforts. Kate and Y/N went around stuffing their faces with crepes and ice cream. It was the cure to any bad days, but it wouldnt have been a Kate and Y/N date if they didn’t hang around the New York Aquarium. It was also the perfect time to crack out what Y/N really knew about the unknown text message, and who was harrassing the both of them. “Look, I know I promised you a stress free outing, but I saw a text from your phone the night you came back home.” Kate confessed.

Y/N’s face became pale almost as if she’d seen a ghost. She knew, and now there was no point in going back. “So you know then.” She says quietly looking at the fishes.

“I only know they threatened you.” Kate states, leaving out that she, herself, was also threatened. Y/N had enough on her plate to worry about, and it wouldn’t be the best time to being up how her message also threatened their friendship. “How long?” She continues.

“Weeks maybe. They started around the time I was fighting with Tom.” Y/N vents, she takes a deep breath before she continues. “Each message was worse than the last. They threatened that if I didnt leave, Tom would lose career, and I...I couldnt do that to him.” Tears were falling slowly, but Y/N was quick to pick them.

“Why didnt you tell him?”

“Yeah, Kate let me just tell him the truth of why I left him because the messages weren’t offensive nor threatening enough. And let’s just assume that the person texting wouldn’t blackmail either of us if they knew I said something. Anyways, maybe it was for the best...I could never fit in his world and those past few months just proved that.” Y/N’s words continue to spill out every fear and thought she had bottled up within her. It felt good..for a moment, but nothing can really erase a heartbreak of losing the one you loved.

As the pair walked through the shark tunnel, Y/N bumped into a tall figure. “Oh my god, Im so sorry...Matt?” she asked in confusion. The moment Y/N looked up into those familiar brown eyes hidden behind the thin glasses, she knew. How could she forget?

“Y/N? Wow, it’s been so long how are you?” Matt greeted as he wrapped her into a hug. “Kate, it’s good to see you again too.”

“Yeah, we’re great, just you know...navigating life.” Kate responded to him. “We haven’t seen you since what? High school?”

Matt smiled and nodded at Kate’s response, his focus remaining on Y/N. He didn’t remember much with Kate back in high school, but Y/N was a different story. They were good friends at the time, always competing in classes, but as junior year rolled by things got awkward. Y/N was falling for Matt while he didn’t return the favor at the time. Though he’d be lying if he didn’t say he may have felt the same at one point, but just never committed. Now all grown up, he didn’t realize how pretty she turned out, but her personality wasn't there. He must have figured something was wrong. After all, a girl with that kind of spunk back in the day, didn't seem like the one to lose hers so easily. “Yeah, look. I know it’s kind of a spur in the moment, but maybe we can all hang out sometime? I’d love to catch up.”

Kate was all for it, but Y/N felt a tension she wasn’t sure if she wanted to act upon. After all, breaking up with your boyfriend after 2 weeks, because of threatening messages and still loving him deeply, it wasn’t an easy thing to move on from. Then again it’s not like Matt was asking for a date, it was just to catch up after not seeing each other for 6 years. “Uh, maybe. I have to check my schedule, and see when Im free, but I can let you know” Y/N answers him.

“Great, well..here’s my number, and hopefully I hear from you guys. I gotta get back to my brother, so hope to see you around.” he quickly says as he walks away.

“Wow. Matt Brynne, who would have guessed?” Kate says, breaking the silence.

“I know...Funny I used to be so head over heels with him at the time, and now I barely feel a thing.”

“Well yeah, cause you still love...you-know-who.” she teases, though it probably wasn't the best time to be making that type of joke with everything going on.

“And I don't think I’ll ever stop.” Y/N mutters to herself. As Y/N and Kate make their way forward, Kate’s phone began to vibrate.

Unknown

Set up a date and take a picture of Y/N and that boy you posted on your insta story. Or Y/N finds out the truth about what you did. XOXO

Kate looked up as she cursed herself, realizing she forgot to keep her story private. It was supposed to be a harmless post of old friends reuniting and now the unknown number has used it as blackmail. It would have been easy to find the culprit, but her view count was up in the thousands with unfamiliar faces. It’s what she gets after gaining a decent following on TikTok. Kate couldn’t let Y/N know what she did, and she’d make sure she would hide that truth from her for as long as she can. “Hey, Y/N...I think we should hit up Matt.” she says, running after her best friend.

At the same time, another texted popped from Y/N’s phone. She picked up thinking it might have been a group chat with her close friends, but it was from the only person who could make her heart flutter and break simultaneously.

Tom

I can’t stop thinking about you. About us. I still love you.

Y/N almost called him..almost, but she knew better. She couldn’t...not unless she wanted to continue to hurt each other.

Meanwhile, back in London, Harrison was ready to come clean to Tom about what he’d found out. He watched as Tom finished typing on his phone, and throwing it on the side of the bed, rubbing his face. This was the new normal. Tom being alone in the dark, reflecting on his sadness and exhaustion. Only stepping out when needed and keeping up smiles for appearances.

It was then Harrison was ready to knock on the door, when his phone received a notification.

Unknown

Don’t even think about it. Or I’ll make sure you and your lads careers are over for good.

Harrison sighed deeply, as he put his phone down, and walked away. Until he came to a most probable conclusion. “Natalie.” he says anger. “I should have fucking known.” At this point he no longer cared, about who she was before and how they were friends. The timing of it all seemed too perfect. Her arrival, the eavesdropping, the flirting. It had to be her but with what proof other than unknown numbers and good timing? Another part of him feared...what if it wasn't her?

Meanwhile, Tom was still unaware of what was really happening behind his door, but he did know, he had to take a chance now and try to contact her instead of sending these useless messages. In the moment, he showed no signs of regret, only praying Y/N would pick up so he could hear her voice.

“Tom?” Y/N answers hesitantly.

Tom closes his eyes, as he takes in her soft and gently voice. “Y/N.” he speaks softly into the phone.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine

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pinkbutterfly84 · 4 years ago

Text

Conversation between Quintis following Pregnancy Announcement after 3.07

H - I’m Pregnant

Toby relaxed in Cabe’s hold and stared at Happy, not quite believing what she had just said, first he found out she is married to Walter and if that secret wasn’t enough now she was dropping the bombshell she was pregnant. Toby just stood there staring at her as she looked back at him he could read nervousness, apprehension, fear in her face but also a tiny flicker of excitement.

C - Lets give these kids sometime to talk things through, if i let you go Doc are you gonna launch yourself at Walter again?

Toby just looked at Cabe and very slowly shook his head, Cabe slowly released his hold on him and nodded to the others who were all stood staring at Happy and Toby. Paige went to start to speak but no words came out and Cabe shook his head at her telling her to leave it. The team gathered their belongings and left the garage, Walter was the last to leave and turned back looking like to he was going to speak but he just stared, he did then speak

W - I’ll stay with Cabe tonight guys so take as much time as you need to talk things through here if you want

Toby suddenly snapped out of staring at Happy

T - so very kind of you Walt, give us chance to fix the mess you made. Its the lease you could do

H - Doc!

Walter just nodded and left shutting the door behind him quietly.

Happy looked at Toby, she wasn’t sure what reaction she was expecting, she was still processing the news herself but she had expected something but Toby just stood there staring not saying anything.

H - Come on Toby say something

Toby opened his mouth and then shut it again, obviously at a loss of what to say

H - Come on Doc, lets sit on the sofa and I will fill you in and then maybe you could say some words you are usually full of them

Toby just nodded and walked over to the sofa and sat down crossing his leg over his knee and resting his one arm along the back of the sofa and then rubbed his other hand across his face. Happy came and sat on the sofa with both her legs crossed facing Toby just close enough her knees where touching his leg.

H - right, well i guess i’ll start. I’ve been feeling sick the last week or so and then the last few morning I have been sick a few times, coupled with my period being 3 weeks late i knew something was up and then I remembered that day a couple of months back you know after girl with the heart problem, when we were on the hike we went on to stay awake and well you remember what happened in that secluded beach and we thought we would be ok but i guess we weren’t

Toby looked at Happy with the small smile on his face

T - How could I forget that day sweetheart, it’s when I decided I would spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel as good as i did on that day

Happy smiled at him and continued

H - well i took a pregnancy test this morning before work and well you know the rest. I’m not going to lie and tell you it wasn’t a shock and it’s the right time or i’m ready but the more it thought about it today the more I realized that a baby would be pretty amazing and he fact that it is yours makes it so much more special.

Happy paused looking at Toby who had some colour back in his cheeks and wasn’t looking so spaced out anymore

H - I’m scared Toby I need to know we are ok and you are with me on this, I cant do this without you

Toby looked at Happy she looked so vulnerable a look he was not used to seeing on her, he was still so mad over the marriage with Walter but first of all he needed to reassure her he wasn’t going anywhere.

T - Listen Hap I love you, of course i’m with you 100%. It was such a shock especially after finding out about Walter. I just needed to few minutes to let it absorb. You will never be alone again even if we fight or i’m upset i would never leave you you don’t need to worry about that.

Happy leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Toby’s lips

H - Thanks Doc

T - Look we have a lot to talk about, i need to find the best pregnancy papers and books to read though. My Gynae rotation was only short so we need to research whats happening to your body and our little bun in your oven is going to needs lots of care and extra nourishment to make sure we give him or her the best brain development possible, oh I know I read a study that playing classical music enhances their brain development let me download some on your phone so you can put it on your belly when you go to sleep

H - Doc calm down we have plenty of time to sort all this out im sure one night without listening to the works of Bach won’t do the baby any harm. Now I know we are good and you are on bored with the baby business we do need to talk about Walter

Toby scowled

T - I suppose so, I can't believe you married Walter and kept it from me for years, how did I not pick up on this and how did Collins know

Happy sighed

H - look you know I love you and I will only say this once, I'm sorry I kept this from you but we couldn't risk it getting out and Walt losing his green card

T - I understand the risk Hap but when your in a relationship one which I thought was leading to marriage you don't keep secrets this big. It makes me worry what else your hiding or will hide especially as I couldn't read that you were keeping a secret. Maybe I'm not the world class behaviourist I think I am

H - first you know your an amazing Doctor you weren't looking for deception in me, my bad. Secondly I have no more big secrets and I promise you here and now there won't be any in the future. And thirdly Walter told Collins I wasn't aware he did until you mentioned it the other week trust me I ran him the riot act about that.

T - I need to know Happy is there any part of you that wants the marriage with Walt, I know you need a family but if you have any feelings like that towards him tell me now

H - are you freaking kidding me Doc, Walt is a mate nothing more, he's never seen me naked, never seen me cry, never seen how I doubt myself, doesn't know what it does to me when someone kisses me behind my ear, doesn't know what happened to me in the care home when I was 13 or what happened with my first boyfriend.... do you know who does or shall I go on

Toby held his hands up in defence

T - ok your right I'm sorry, I know Walts just a mate and nothing more. I'm still hurt though Hap howcelild you feel if you learnt I was already married

H - I episode be gutted but I would try to understand why

T - I am trying sweetie and I'm not pissed at you but Walt he knew how much it destroyed me the night I found out he was here and yet he never said anything

H - I asked him not too,I text him and told him it needed to come from me. How are we going to move on from this

T - We look at getting you divorced and we move on,cwe have our little bambino to think of now. I'm going to let this go my love for you is far stronger then any anger I felt.

H - Walters looked into it and is looking at his options. We haven't spent a night together all night since before you got kidnapped you always go home after we have sex, how do you feel about staying over tonight, doing some pregnancy research. I've missed waking up with you.

T - you are a softie really, I would love too and I'm sorry I've been distant lately its been a lot to process.

H - I get it but we need to move on so let's start now

Toby smiled at Happy and nodded, he then pulled her over to him running his hand through her hair and along her leg and pulled her in for a kiss.

Happy sighed into the kiss pulling Toby closer to her by grabbing his shirt and running her fingers along his stubble. She slowly pulled away and smiled she felt closer to him then she had for weeks.

H - come on Doc let's get out of here.

#team scorpion #happy quinn #toby curtis #scorpionedit #cbs scorpion #happy x toby #jadyn wong #toby x happy #quintis #eddie kaye thomas

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sagemoderocklee · 4 years ago

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Reiteration ❤️ A (but not GaaLee :p) P T

A - Your current OTP(s)/OT3(s)/OTX(s)

oof. okay so aside from GaaLee:

1) ShikaTema 2) NejiTen 3) Kakagai

i think these are the only like three ships i could say i feel strongly enough about that i’d classify them as OTPs. GaaLee honestly gets its own category anyways. im not really active in any other fandoms, and the only other ship I’ve ever felt as strongly about as i have gaalee was really Harry/Draco and well... ya know. Although if i were still super active in CLAMP fandom KuroFai and DouWata would 100000% be up there. And of course the forever and unbeatable Sakura/Shaoran but specifically CCS SakuShao because I think TRC isn’t quite as good with their romance

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

oh. that’s. okay we’re answering hard questions tonight i see.

something niche for you and me: new member of your MLM/communist/leftist reading group is Very Cute but very new to MLM/etc and needs extra help to understand the complicated history, theories, etc.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything).

oh god. this is really opening a can of worms lmao and also.... i may have to put this under a cut because god i have so fucking many and some of them may need elaboration.

1. Gaara doesn’t ever take up sleeping/napping post Shukaku

this is something that I know a lot of ppl don’t like/want because everyone wants Gaara to be happy and like big same! but i do think that Gaara’s physiology is entirely altered from Shukaku and the lack of sleep. I feel like having it ingrained in him that he couldn’t sleep, knowing the devastation it would cause, plus all the trauma he has--he’d be plagued by nightmares first of all, and no shinobi is gonna wanna take a sleep aid or something to help them sleep more easily because that would just be a huge opening for someone to attack you. but the other thing is i think it would genuinely make him feel sick. like i know that when i get too little sleep i feel sick because my body needs a certain amount. BUT i also know that those days where im too depressed and don’t get out of bed and sleep too much i ALSO feel like shit. Gaara has lived his entire life without sleep--barring specific instances of forced sleep to release Shukaku--and his body has to have adapted to that. fifteen years of not sleeping there’s no way his body would know what to do with that. his body is so used to subsisting (and this is my own like explanation for how Gaara survived pre and post Shukaku) off of massive quantities of food and by funneling his own chakra into his brain to act as rest, healing, etc. like i think at this point it’s so unconscious that he isn’t even aware he’s doing it anymore--like breathing. His chakra--which is already another physiological system in their bodies--is just taking up the job of the rest portion of his brain.

that all being said, i do still think this will have an overall affect on his lifespan, but not necessarily his physical or mental health in the immediate sense.

2. Kankuro is straight.

this goes for like all the characters i see as straight, and like i hate like putting this in the like “die defending” category, but there’s this sort of.... sense that when you’re LGBT in fandom you’re gonna see every character as gay and you’re sus/someone’s gonna side eye you if you don’t. like i get the whole ‘well obviously everything is straight and cis IRL, and im sick of it’ reasoning behind “everyone is gay/trans” but the thing is.... I wanna see cis and straight people who support their gay/trans friends and family. I don’t need to live in a world where no one is straight and cis. I need to live in a world where people who are straight and cis actually support and love LGBT people. i personally don’t get anything out of the fantasy of no straight cis people because what does that solve? and what does that say about the homophobia and transphobia within the series? It doesn’t solve or say anything. And quite frankly a series like Naruto is inherently homophobic and transphobic (especially trans misogynistic), and i think brushing that aside with an “everyone’s gay/trans” is more insulting than helpful because it’s not addressing the issue. I’m more invested in seeing the characters who aren’t LGBT supporting and loving and working to make the world better for their LGBT friends, family, and community.

like i know not everyone is writing/reading fanfiction or art or what have you in fandom for like realism or whatever, i get the whole escapism of it all, but i approach it this way because for me I just don’t get anything out of pretending that the -isms and -phobias within the series don’t exist.

also straight trans people exist?????

i could go on about this--like some characters are just... not good and i don’t wanna claim that as LGBT because of that--but like i think this is the biggest thing for me at the end of the day: seeing ppl who aren’t LGBT supporting LGBT ppl.

3. Gaara is a polyglot. Also, he’s self-taught in just about everything. He spent most of his youth in the Suna library for obvious reasons, so reading, writing, language, poetry, history, politics, arts, etc he learned there on his own.

4. Shikamaru and Temari live in Suna 6 months out of the year, and Konoha the other 6. Temari does NOT give up her job to be a nagging wife, and Shikamaru is 100% a wife man.

5. Lee is not originally from Konoha or Fire. He doesn’t remember his parents or how he wound up at a Konoha orphanage because trauma. Also his first language isn’t Japanese.

I have more specific HCs about who Lee’s parents are, where he came from, and what happened to his parents, but that’s like spoilers for a fic.

6. Tenten is not an outright orphan. She actually comes from a clan of weapons masters and smiths.

I think it’s fairly common for ppl to assume Tenten is an orphan because we obviously never see her family--granted we just don’t see much of her to begin with--but I personally fell in love with the idea of her having a clan with the focus being weapons. Her parents are still dead, but she lives with her grandmother, who’s renowned for her weapons.

7. Lee has a HUGE amount of chakra. Like obnoxiously huge stores of it that he just doesn’t know how to manipulate--not quite Kisame levels, but definitely a LOT. He gets as far as walking on water and walls, but he absolutely has to be focused to accomplish those feats and prefers just going really fast so he doesn’t fall in/off.

8. Sage mode!Rock Lee.

I have talked about this before(x, x), but you can absolutely pry this from my cold dead hands--actually, you couldn’t. I’d still hold on to this even in death.

9. Lee has like a photographic memory which is why he always writes things down that people tell him.

10. Gaara will be the last Kazekage--whoever comes after him (and i do have a HC for that) will be Kazekage only in the sense that they’re like the figurehead maybe, but ultimately Gaara is working to completely change the shinobi way of life and the Kage system will be dismantled starting with Suna/Gaara.

11. In a modern AU context, Lee is a HUGE fan of Queen and Bruce Lee.

12. Lee definitely grows his hair out later on in life and changes up his attire and becomes his own person.

13. The Kazekage Estate is a generation home--most households in Suna are, and in fact, it’s really fucking weird for someone not to live in a generational home--so Gaara lives there with his siblings. When Temari gets married, she and Shikamaru live there, and continue to do so when they have kids. If Kankuro has a kid (and a spouse), they’ll live there too. Lee eventually moves in. The house is always filled with love. When Gai visits with Kakashi, or when Tenten and Neji visit, they stay there too.

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lipstickbisous · 4 years ago

Text

the rei brown series (2/3)

OUR LOVE REMAINS.

notes: here’s the second part!! one more after this haha. not much of a plot to these just meant to put you in your feels. butttttt, i did write this from the experience my mom had in the icu when she was a nurse.

this one is your p.o.v. and is a little bit longer but not much

i DID NOT KNOW if anyone would get offended by “latino” or “hispanic” so i used both im sorry.

LISTEN for better understanding.

also u guys REALLY LIKED the din fic so i guess...more of those?

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: while rethinking all of the choices you’ve made in your life, memories of a certain person begin to flood in.

warnings: MORE ANGST ahahaha, childhood nostalgia, fluff ending

word count: 3.3k (these are not long chapters)

masterlist

you weren’t sure what time it was (you knew it wasn’t too late) and you hadn’t bothered to check as you stumbled through your doorway, one arm holding grocery bags and the other, your purse and papers from work. your hair had been stuck in the ponytail you threw it up in since the morning, but now, it was pulling at your scalp and giving you a headache.

managing to balance on one foot, you flipped the light switch in your entryway and watched as the first floor of your house illuminated in the night. the tiny dog you’d adopted a few months ago came padding out on the wood floors from the dining room, his tongue stuck out with loud pants to relieve himself of the texas summer heat.

with a small “hey, bub,” to your pet, you placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and slipped off your clogs, throwing them at the bottom of your stairs so that you could be reminded to take them to your room when you went upstairs. for now, you reached into the glass cabinet and grasped a dark bottle of wine. the label read a fancy word in french, but growing up in kingsville, you’d never bothered to learn the language of love. you grew up in that rich latino and hispanic culture.

this house had memories threatening to let it crumble, you knew that, but even after your parents had moved into a smaller apartment due to medical reasons and the fact that they couldn’t afford the house, you couldn’t bring yourself to move out of this town and just ditch them there--now the house was in your name. you didn’t know why it was so hard to leave--you’d been able to leave for university, but when you came back the summer after you’d graduated, something stuck. now, it had been twenty years and you had made no attempts to even leave kingsville.

you popped the cork of the wine bottle open and instantly met that musky historic smell of the red alcohol. you had seven wine glasses in your cupboards, but you never had any friends over. you might occasionally invite a few girls you knew in high school, but if you were to hang out with people, it would be at a bar on friday and saturday nights. you watched as the wine splashed around the glass and when it was filled to your satisfaction, you pushed the cork back into its place and left the bottle on the counter.

as you made your way into the living room and collapsed on the couch, the little dog you called yours jumped up onto the high furniture the best he could due to his tiny legs. you searched your couch for the remote, pulling over the cushions and pillows before finding it buried under the arm. you switched the tv on and and flipped through the channels before settling on fifty-one. your dog curled up next to your lap and closed his eyes to sleep.

you didn’t for what you were sure was the next two hours. the movie that had been playing before ended the beginning of a new one had started until you realized your glass was empty and dry and your eyelids were getting heavier. you leaned your head back before rethinking how the day had gone. you’d shown up to the hospital for work at the crack of dawn and spent the next twelve hours wheeling around patients, taking diagnostics, and carrying their dirty dishes.

it definitely had not been the job you imagined when you were ten. you’d played doctor with your stuffed animals and plushes before but in those scenarios, the patients had been obedient in kind. unfortunately, fate had not been so kind and, while sitting in front of the television with an empty wine glass in your hand, your fingers grazing over the sore spot on your wrist. it was sure to be bruised, the one on your calf had turned purple and yellow in the past few days. you hissed when you applied just a bit too much pressure.

i spent four years at a college i hated to have this. you’d put it all on the line to have this job. you thought that by being a nurse in the fucking icu, you’d be saving people everyday. instead, you were groped, spat out, and ignored by everyone there. you deserved a glass of wine every night.

you knew that this was not healthy at all and that you were intoxicating yourself with far too much alcohol but the way your back ached, your calf bruised, and your head pounded drowned out whatever warnings your brain sent you.

suddenly, you managed to catch sight of the atomic clock sitting on your kitchen counter. bright crimson letters read “1:30 am.”, and with a far too heavy sigh that awoke the small dog next to you, you set the glass on your coffee table (you’d grab it in the morning when you weren’t so sad) and flipped the tv off before sauntering up the stairs. even at your age, you had still been terrified of the dark--you could barely walk down to your basement without a flashlight and by yourself--but you found that you were perfectly fine walking in the pitch-black of your upstairs hallway. your dog was quick to follow behind you, jumping onto your bed and waiting for you as you emotionlessly entered your bathroom and looked at your reflection.

who the fuck were you? how much time had passed and yet here you were, in your fucking childhood home all alone? you’d found love with many men over the years, but you hadn’t expected them to last--and they hadn’t. what had you done? had you left some sort of imprint in the world at all? you were never one for kids, everyone you knew was well aware of that, but how were you supposed to live on even when you were dead? in reality, abandonment and loneliness was your worst fear along with--

oh god, you thought in a shriveled voice. you’re gonna be forgotten.

one part that hurt the most was the news. you’d gotten better at keeping up to date with pop culture and politics, and the pablo escobar situation had you worried for one reason and one reason only--javier peña. you’d seen him on the news, the DEA agent who had made it his responsibility and top priority to catch the famous drug lord. it was nice to see that he had gotten somewhere while the only time you’d ever really traveled was to paris for a christmas and then LA to see an old friend who you didn’t even talk to anymore.

this was your life now. mindlessly wandering around your house after work, eating microwaved leftovers and carry-out from the diner.

god, that diner. it had been one of your favorite locations in the shitty town you called home--had been. the first time you went, you were suspicious due to the fact that the actual building was a different restaurant owned by a criminal before it was a diner, but javier had practically begged you to have a late dinner with him after an afternoon spent skipping your last few periods and driving around the outskirts of town in his truck. the wind had been blowing through your hair and you hung your head out of his window, letting your arms wave around, and you could’ve sworn you had felt him looking at you.

that was the moment you were in love with javier peña.

you knew that you had been lying to yourself up until that moment because since the first day you met javier when driving past their ranch and stopping to look at the horses, you’d been in love. you couldn’t even think about how many days were spent writing poetry about him that now seemed stupid and childish. you’d told yourself it was an outlet for your feelings, but you had really written it because you were too much of a bitch to come out and tell javi. maybe that hadn’t been your fault--you’d witnessed, first hand, javier rejecting a girl in sixth grade. you watched her nod and tell him “oh, that’s okay” but then run away into the bathrooms. javier had continued on to tell you about a new foal on their farm.

you remembered the horses. you missed them too. if it hadn’t been them roaming about in the pastures, or the great stallion that caught your attention while on that family car ride, you would’ve never met javier. you weren’t sure if he judged you for it or not, but every time chucho needed help around the farm, and javier was too much of a brat and a teenager to do it, you had gladly offered. so, chucho peña had put you in charge of the foals. there was one in particular, a small one with a white coat, that had piqued your interest. there was a day, one in the middle of the summer if you could remember correctly, where you and javi had just run out to the fields while the rest of the horses stayed in their stables. javi had been excited since his father had gifted him with a new camera, and he had spent all day taking pictures of--and to this day, you still didn’t notice it--only you.

while brushing your teeth, carefully placing a small dot of paste on your toothbrush, you began to scrub in small circles. how long had it been since you and javi had last talked? even then, it had barely been a conversation. a simple exchanged of very few words, a goodbye that went misheard, and that was it. when you had called his home phone the next morning, instead of javi replying like he always did, it had been chucho’s voice instead, muffling an annoyed “hello?” but when he heard the exhaustion and lightness of your voice, he carefully explained that javi had already left.

you hadn’t felt heartbroken--not at first. in fact, there was barely any sadness in that tired head and upset stomach. you were infuriated. how could he? how dare he? he had been such a coward that he couldn’t even say goodbye and it angered you more than you thought it ever would--not that you had ever thought about javier leaving before because he said he wouldn’t even consider it. and now, he had left you alone your fucked up hometown that you’d always told him you hated so much. then, about three days alone without javier (which was something you weren’t used to) you’d realized that there was a large possibility this could’ve been your fault.

had you been a bad friend recent to his leaving? yes, you had been acting distant, but it was due to normal events, such as school and...the fact that you were hopelessly in love with him. it had been harder to talk with senior year ending and college coming up, but you hadn’t never thought he could just turn himself away like that. never.

and not once had javi tried to contact you. he, of course, knew your number by heart, but after all these years, he’d probably had hundreds of girls phone numbers--in fact, you were sure that if hadn’t been a DEA agent hooked with the most dangerous man on the earth, you would’ve expected him to be married already. you had gone to the wedding. you’d seen how the church was decorated, how each and every guest wore plastered smiles--just the idea of seeing javi made you giddy and you’d worn your best dress you could find. even after returning from university, javier didn’t visit or call. you also remembered hearing lorraine sobbing when her groom didn’t show.

javier was not the type of person to stand someone up. you didn’t know what he was like now, but as teenagers, if he ever had a date (which wasn’t often because even if you didn’t know it, he was hopelessly in love with you) he would arrive five minutes early.

the one time javi did have a date, you stayed home and watched one of his favorite movies while crying. you hated to admit that the next day, when he admitted to you he didn’t like the girl that much, you were excited.

suddenly, you remembered how this was completely your fault. you had always blamed javier for never calling or writing, but then you realized that you had never made the attempt either.

“fuckin’ hell,” you whispered and washed off your toothbrush. as a nurse, you didn’t normally cake yourself with makeup, but you did wear the average concealer, mascara, and lipstick or gloss. you took one look at your reflection and noticed that your mascara was currently running. when did i cry? you asked yourself and exited the bathroom, not bothering to remove your makeup.

your room was next door and when you walked inside, your dog was patiently waiting next to your nightstand and- god, did i leave the fucking light on again? you felt like slapping yourself until your head was straight because it wasn’t right to think about someone you haven’t seen in twenty years.

you slipped off your pants, leaving you in expensive panties you’d gotten for no reason at all. you threw off your scrubs, discarding them onto the floor with a light air sound and replacing your shirt with a tank-top. your bed had been so perfectly made that it almost annoyed you. you threw yourself onto your bed and began to rub your eyes. it wouldn’t matter if you messed up the mascara because there was nothing to mess up.

hoping the sleep would rid you of the horrible thoughts, you flipped the lamp next to your bed off and pressed a pillow to your cheek. the small dog at your feet curled up rested his eyes. you did the same.

it would’ve been physically best for your health if you had gone at least six hours of sleeping without any interruption, but one moment in the night, the phone on your nightstand began to blare its ringtone. your eyes shot open and began to burn slightly from a sudden awakening. the sound had scared your dog, who jumped to the ground in protection of whatever the source was until he realized it was the telephone. you groaned with heavy eyelids and looked to the clock. two-twenty five am. as soon as you went to answer the call, it went to dial tone.

more frustrated than before because you really just wanted to sleep, you groaned and flung yourself back into bed. of course, now you were awake.

but then, the phone began to ring again. it had seemed louder this time and your dog barked in the most un-intimidating way possible before you threw a pillow at the spot next to him to get him quiet. you held the phone close to your ear and spoke a tired, “hello?” the line was silent and at first, you were terrified because you could’ve sworn you heard someone breathing. another one of these. “hello?”

part of this was exciting to you. while it was extremely frustrating to be awoken a few hours before you normally rose to get ready for work, your mind was racing during the silent pause between you and this stranger. who could it be? perhaps it was chucho telling you that javier could be coming home, but you cursed yourself for thinking of that man and dismissed the idea. maybe it was your mom calling to tell you how your father had gotten better and, for now at least, the cancer was gone.

“(y/n)?”

―

while the reason behind it remained unclear, you had always loved airports. the cleaning-product smell, the diverse people, the small restaurants, even the feeling of the carpet--or the feeling of that when in an airport, you were going somewhere.

it had always been about going somewhere. javier knew this since fifth grade, that you had always wanted to just leave kingsville, texas. maybe you would move to new york, or philadelphia, or even go to london and paris. they had been silly daydreams due to reading too many of your mother’s travel books, but paris had always looked so nice. maybe even visit mexico--you’d already been well immersed in the culture.

but that wasn’t why you were here. you were here for something that was long overdue.

after the phone call that night, you javier had made sure to call each other every other day at ten o’clock pm. there had been some days where you had to stay late at the hospital or javi was chasing sicarios and didn’t get home until midnight--those nights, you would either fall asleep or just call the next day, but you both had made a good schedule. it definitely hadn’t been the same as when you were teenagers, and you didn’t expect it to be. his voice was much deeper and raspier (you knew it was because of the cigarettes, you could practically smell them through the phone) and his voice wasn’t as...lively anymore. you felt that you couldn’t say much, though, because the years had been rough to you as well.

he had told you everything. your thoughts on how he was living was wrong--he told you of the countless informants and prostitutes, how the colombian sun was definitely hotter than the texan sun and even to him it had made a difference. when you both had too much to drink and were passing back funny stories, his was that he had grown a mustache. you had laughed at that one because if you could imagine the clean-shaved, teenage boy that javier once was with a mustache, it was a hilarious thought.

all-in-all, it had still been painful to talk to someone you knew so well like they were a stranger. at first, you had asked yourself if he’d changed but you caught yourself in the stupid thought. of course, he had changed. it had been twenty fucking years and even you had noticed the faint lines starting to appear around your face.

it had taken almost half a year of phone calls, missed and attended, happy and sad to be where you were now.

the airport bustling had also been one of your favorite things too. the countless and various voices all coming together to make a white noise that was so distinct.

you were standing near the entrance, watching as families reunited, lovers embraced, and yet you stood alone. it had been over ten minutes since when javier was supposed to show. if you were being honest with yourself, what did you expect? he would just appear out of thin air in the middle of a crowd? you hoped the flight from bogotá had been peaceful and well. there hadn’t been any storms passing by, baggage loading problems, or anything that could possibly delay the plane, so there was no reason for javier not to be there.

unless...you began to think and it had been too late to stop yourself from completing the thought. maybe he just didn’t want to.

like when he rejected that girl in sixth grade. like when he left you alone in kingsville. like when abandoned his bride at their own fucking wedding.

suddenly, you felt angry. your blood was boiling, your hands felt hot, the hair on your neck became irritating, and the winter heat of texas began to scorch, even in air conditioning. you ran a hand down your face, feeling two beads of sweat trickle down a path to your chin. your foot, which had been tapping for the past now fifteen minutes turned on its heel as you made your way to the glass doors.

your car was just outside. you wouldn’t even have to walk that far, and then you could drive home, cry yourself to sleep, and call javier about this some other time.

“(y/n)!”

tags: @pascalisthepunkest @javierpenaspinkshirt @gummiishark @cyarikaaa @larakasser @pedropasscals @honeyedspace @talesfromtheguild @absurdthirst

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jmkitsune · 3 years ago

Note

All the red emoji asks 😝😝😝

💄 - do you wear makeup?

not anymore, used to in high school (eyliner/nail polish) would again but honestly I'd need someone to do it for me, I'm far too impatient

💋 - when was/have you had your first kiss?

I was 14/15

👠 - do you enjoy shopping?

eh I'm not a "shopper" I know what I want, I order/buy it then im done, I never was one of the perusing type

🧣 - do you consider yourself fashionable?

if I was in an anime sure then maybe I could afford the fashion I like

⛑ - has someone ever saved your life?

not that I can think of in relation to the way the question is asked

🎒 - what’s your favorite school subject?

literature/history/chorus/music theory

🐞 - are you a superstitious person?

hardly

🐙 - what’s your favorite animal?

*points to screen name* foxes

🍄 - what’s your favorite vegetable?

cucumber

🌹 - are you a romantic?

painfully

🍎 - what’s your favorite fruit?

uhhh oranges? green apples? I dunno- it may surprise people but I don't eat a lot of fruit XD

🍉 - what’s your favorite season?

spring/autumn

🍓 - what’s a memory that reminds you of your childhood?

I remember building lego model kits a LOT and like making all these elaborate stories for them all, my first (not remotely original idea) was "legos vs plastics" based on the plastic army men type toys vs lego type toys" ....yes I'm aware legos are plastic, I was like 10 and had an old laptop with word pad.

🍒 - what’s your favorite flower?

Sakura Blossoms

🍅 - do you consider tomatoes fruits or vegetables?

I consider them gross

🌶 - can you handle spicy foods?

I'm white sooooo no

🥩 - do you eat meat?

only two type and according to most the world one doesn't count lol (Mcdonalds double cheese burgers) the other is kosher hot dogs other than that- NOPE

🥫 - tomato soups with grilled cheese or by itself?

Grilled cheese and a side of sliced cucumbers w ketchup for dipping lightly salted

🍫 - dark or milk chocolate?

white chocolate or milk chocolate OR chocolate and mint

🥤 - what’s your favorite drink?

vanilla coke or rootbeer

�� - are you old enough to drink?

sadly I'm older than that

🏓 - what’s your favorite sport?

soccer or martial arts

🥊 - do you think fighting solves problems sometimes?

I dunno, you punch an asshole hard enough they stop being an asshole, break a nazi's arm they're 50% less likely to do stupid nazi shit

I'm a technical pacifist in that I do not seek violence, however if violence comes to my door I'll be sure to meet it in kind but only enough to

Disarm, disable, disengage

🥁 - do you play an instrument?

used to play guitar a lot, know a LITTLE ocarina, learned BASIC as fuck piano and some BASIC BASIC bass guitar, was in chorus sooo like BASIC singing knowledge (I'm not good though)

🎸 - what kinds of music do you like?

good music

🚗 - can you drive yet?/do you want to?

I'm old enough

but I hate driving and ideally I'll never do it

🚨 - have you ever gotten a ticket/pulled over?

not as a driver been in the car enough times during it though

☎️ - who was the last person you called?

uhhh I think I called about my vaccine back in like april

⏰ - are you an early bird or a night owl?

night owl

💉 - are you afraid of needles?

nah

🎈 - what was the wildest party you’ve ever thrown?

I don't throw parties

📮 - do you enjoy getting mail?

provided its not bills sure

📕 - what’s your favorite book?

ya know what- fuck it I'll be vain. my books I'm a damn good writer and people are missing out on what I write

📌 - do you enjoy school?

I enjoy learning for the sake of learning

not for the sake of being a cog in the capitalist machine

📍 - what’s your dream travel destination?

somewhere I can be at peace

❤️ - do you have a crush right now?

I mean if I did- they know I do thats all that matters

💔 - have you ever broken a heart/had your heart broken?

hahahahha yea its called being a romantic, it tends to happen

🉐 - do you speak another language?

Al Bhed (not fluently but well enough) Pig Latin (ifyay ouyay ancay understandyay igpay atinlay ootay , oodgay onyay ayay , utbay ifyay otnay , onay iggiebay itsyay ayay illysay anguagelay utbay ancay ebay unfay) Took 2 years of spanish and remember...like zilch sadly tried learning Japanese via subbed Anime over the years but nothing TRULY stuck languages are hard for me to coherently remember, if I do its subconscious

❌ - what’s an unpopular opinion you have?

fandoms are a mistake and should all be avoided at all costs

🛑 - what’s a turn off in a relationship for you?

being a conservative/old fashion/traditionalist/right winged/believing that the "old days were better and people today are the worst by comparison"

it screams internalized bigotry or unresolved bigotry that'll come to fights later over something

💯 - what’s something you are extremely proud of right now?

that in 1 year I've written 5 novels worth of a story project, that is a novel every 2-3 months

🚭 - do/have you smoked?

gods know and its a HUGE turn off, the smell and such just makes me very uncomfortable and triggers bad memories

❗️- what’s something unusual about you?

My view on how the world should I'm told

♦️ - what’s your favorite game?

final fantasy X, siege, star wars KOTOR, (ok any star wars game really)

🇨🇳 - what ethnicity are you?

Mother- Irish, Russian ancestry --Russian side fled during the revolution due to the red v white armies, Irish (supposedly) were kicked out as they were horse thieves Father- Irish, Scottish, British ancestry --I have zero idea on those because never talked to my dad about any of it so I'm whatever.

end of the day though I'm American. I don't cling to my ancestry as that was then, I am now. I am Terran/of Earth that's what matters to me, nothing else, especially not where I got to be born, as I had zero control over it.

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