#its july its time to stop
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fellas is it gay to fall off a spot so you can be close to your soulmate in the fandometrics??
#its july its time to stop#dan and phil#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#phil lester#amazingphil#phan#fandometrics#fandom#gay
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totally haven't been hyperfixed on this game for the past two weeks ahaha
+ some sif portrait redraws under the cut
#isat siffrin#isat#orangetriestoart#i played the game for a whole weekend in the beginning of july and i havent stopped thinking about it since god its so gOOD#currently in the process of trying to get all of the achievements and taking emotional damage every time i get a new memory#i wanna make a full piece thing for it but i gotta learn how to use grayscale better ive been studying from the game screenshots#cause like all the art in the game is so cool and expressive and really really good at using limited values like mad respect#but for now slight color until i can figure out how to break up values better yipepeeeeeeee#anywasy gnightttt tumbly have a good one if ur reading this :D
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POV: Mark Webber is your house husband
#i wish you guys could have heard my squealing laughter from when i first saw the sandwich picture#actually losing my shit laughing#WHAT ARE THESE#WHY IS THERE A DOMESTIC MARK WEBBER PHOTOSHOOT#i understood the other pics from this same shoot of him biking and with his car but these are so insanely domestic its hilarious 😭#but like the awkward smile in the sandwich picture i cant stop laughing#ive joked abt how i dont understand 2000s f1 photoshoots but this is honestly peak in that aspect bcs seriously wth 😭#was this his audition for an f1 seat? like 'heres what ill do for you if you hire me 😘(@ flavio)'#(but fr i checked these were taken like right around the exact time he almost got to test his first f1 car so the timing is v funny to me)#all from july 2000 btw#mark webber#f1#formula 1#formula one
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so for like, a decade plus, i've been searching for a youtube video i remember seeing back in 2007, and i've finally managed to make some headway:
good news: i've found it
bad news: it's lost media
#it's been bugging me for so long honestly#ive talked about it in my tags before but its basically the video that introduced me to roblox#it's probably a bit silly to have been searching for this video. but part of the reason ive been looking is to see how good my memory is#specifically memories from when i was 9 years old. and how those memories have aged given im 26 now#like id say my memory is pretty good. specifically remembering specific details from memories long ago#like that isn't to say they're perfect. like i'll get some details wrong. but i know the general idea of what i saw#but basically#it's basically some old roblox bloopers video that had their character in a baseball cap and lugia t-shirt#now for a few years i wasn't sure i was correct on this person wearing a lugia t-shirt#and so at some point i figured i had to give up looking for that specific detail#since literally no video i could find had these two details combined. id find characters with baseball caps but never with a lugia t-shirt#and by that point i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find this video. or worse. my memory was wrong and it was something i watched in 2008#but i knew it had to be uploaded before december 12th. 2007. because thats when i made my account#and the way i found it was going through 11 pages of a youtube search for ''lego videos''#i was specifically looking for new lego videos to watch. or find something that seemed more interesting than lego mario stop motion#and there was one video that stood out. which was some random roblox bloopers video. mixed in with a bunch of random lego videos#anyway. just today i was scrolling through twitters ''for you'' tab and happened upon a thread showing off lost roblox youtube thumbnails#and i was like ''well. can't hurt to see if theres anything in here that i recognize.''#and lo and behold. a roblox dude in a blue baseball cap and a lugia t-shirt. labeled as ''ROBLOX Bloopers!''#i could feel the anvil of my doubt free itself from my brain because i finally had proof of a video that lines up with my memory#thats not to say this is the exact video but 99% certain it's uploaded by the same person. like it could be roblox bloopers part 2#but anyway. the channel and the video(s) are lost and while im sad i can't watch it to confirm my memory#im happy to see that there's evidence that lines up with my memory of what i saw back then#for reference. it was uploaded by someone named 'Furzniak' at the time. and it was uploaded on July 21st. 2007
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Ngl I'm getting really bored of seeing every character people dislike reduced to "flop" in every single edit ever. Also if I have to see one more fucking edit to Ayesha Erotica or some other girlboss cunt song, I'm gonna fucking lose it YOU'RE NOT THINKING CREA-TIV-LY
#how did i squeeze a DHMIS reference in here?? in 2024???#but seriously its so boring to see “biggie Julie” and “Flop Johnny” every fucking edit and then “I'm the doll 😌” STOP#you guys know you can use literally any music for your edits??? like#it doesnt have to be girlboss slay music#you could use ANYTHING#I'd take the Thomas the Tank Engine theme song over an edit of Thomas Hewitt at this point rather than see “final girl X ENDED flop Y”#same five fucking songs every time I'M SICK OF IT#also the fatphobia in the TCM fandom specifically on TikTok? y'all make me sick.#tcm game#tcsm game
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You’re welcome to explain your answer in the tags!
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#jatppolls#dont ask me why the number categories are like this!!! there is no rhyme or reason to them!!!#been thinking bout this for awhile now. cause it didnt occur to me that I havent watched it since i netflix party’d it with Rosie in Sept#2021… which has been… a very long time. considering in 2020 after it came out i probably watched it over 100 times in full.#there’s just something that stops me from clicking play on the show and i cant put it into words. its just this feeling i get every time my#mouse or finger hovers over the show. i also got rid of netflix this past year too but that was quite recent and i do have a copy of it on#my ipad sksjsj idk#guess im just curious if anyon else is in this weird limbo. dont get me wrong. i am still enamoured by this show but rewatching it is just#smthg i havent done in a hot minute. maybe i should make Rosie do another netflix party with me 👀#i feel like if i was more active in a discord or on tumblr i wouldve tried to watch it with mutuals but alas i am incapable of having free#time outside of work and life.#once again i am shocked that the answers are centred in the bubbles before u click on them and it bothers me?!?#alt option: i have rewatched the show aolely through gifsets 😌#sunset queue#<- queuing this for some reason. idk what the reason is.
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#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit#we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today#luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying#so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem#canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine#think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say#but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart#i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here?#what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this?#why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess#its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks.#idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad#it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl#like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this#i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away#i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster#unrelated
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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aaa shes so pretty <33 I keep getting reccomended really cute dresses on pinterest so i got inspired and voila xD
thank you hands for letting me actually make something today
(。T ω T。)
(((a bonus alternate version- i couldnt decide if i preferred the background coloured or not so here you go. have another one ig xD)))
#antsmakin art things#i keep using different tags for art#its that one#ill remember it eventually#anywhoo#time to tag this silly little post of mine#id like to mention that its raining outside#very nice#i hope all the little plants enjoy their drink#i was supposed to tag this oops#welcome home#julie joyful#there you go#and there *i* go back to my cave#later!#thanks for stopping by! :D
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oh my gosh the going back 2 uni/leaving home again anxiety is settling in with moreeee than a week until i have to leave whatt is wrong with me ENJOY THE MOMENT GIRL!!!!!!!!
#its. okay its always the worst in the june/july holidays bc i have 2 go back to a super cold city + like. honestly i think its moreso like#the anxiety of uni and life etc plus the sort of. sadness of leaving home again idk mixed together#oh my god this needs 2 stop i'm not even in a dangerous situation why is my body reacting like this. heart rate stupidly high and its 10am#in my garden. more than a week until i have to goooo like stopppp#anyways sorry guys xx dash is empty at this time anyway though so hehe
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of all the times for the "art feels like pulling teeth" feeling to rear its head again T_T
#its just burnout i think. i havent had a Deadline in . years?#unfortunately the only way ill be able to get some of this stuff done on time is . completely starting over#well not COMPLETELY. i can copypaste some elements i think. but ill need to redraw some poses and figures entirely#it just sucks that i had all these ambitions at the beginning of july and then i got pneumonia#and had to scale back to a bare minimum id be happy with and then had to scale back AGAIN from THAT#i guess nothings stopping me from drawing the pic ideas i had anyway. but#whag ever#art fun#this too shall pass
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I think I might have a conversation about getting engaged or at least having the thought of setting aside money for a wedding.
I don't want to rush my love and he can propose when he's ready, but I want to see if he'd be interested sooner than later so I can get some plans in place.
It'll be two years until I finish up with my master, but I am going to be busy and I'm not sure if I can plan a wedding while stressing about school.
I also can wait and see how grad school treats me.
I'd also like the clarity of plans for the future and something to work towards.
It would also be so much easier to explain that we're engaged instead of being in engagement limbo of "we're engaged, just not officially".
I might at least mention something to him when we have a three hour car ride to his extended family this weekend.
Any thoughts, friends?
#the earliest we could get married is December 2025 but its feel silly because i finish school May 2026#so realistically we are looking May 2026-July 2026#i also just want to marry the man and stop being apart all the time#and id like to start slowly getting things ready for that.#i also should trust him to propose when hes ready#i might just mention 'i know we are not engaged yet but i want to start setting funds aside for when we do get married#so that i don't have to struggle as much#i also need to put funds aside for a down payment of a car#but i also want to start saving for a wedding and trust me im going to be broke#thats why i want to go forward in that#also id love the clarity itd bring of 'yes we're engaged and planning on getting married may/june/july 2026#evening thoughts
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Honestly feeling afraid and quite stressed about the latest news:
For those who haven't heard: Russian rockets hit Poland kiling two. Regardless of whether Art. 5 of NATO is gonna be invoked or not, it's still an escalation. It's still scary. I'm afraid. I'm gonna stress-clean and hope tomorrow may bring less-bad-than-worst-case-scenario news.
#non sims#rl stuff#war#ukraine#poland#russia#europe news#fuck putin#you don't realize how close the war really is until things like this happen#I mean the Netherlands is not near the front lines in any way#we're not bordering a country intent on invading its neighbours (this time)#but like#things like these you feel on the entire continent really#i don't think anyone wants ww3#but putin is fucking insane#so look us europeans are just super fucking on edge rn#and just bc it's worth repeating#war does not stop when a treaty is signed#even now (live) ww2 explosives are still being found across europe#heck my train got delayed by one last july#scary times we're living in#but most importantly#support ukraine#and like try to stay somewhat calm#freaking out won't help#but it's okay and normal to be scared and on edge as long as you don't freak the f out
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finished the base game of hat in time. now what 💜
#the obvious answer is go play the dlc worlds but im pretty sure i would get burnt out on the game doing that#cause i got 40 time pcs :) i think thats literally the perfect stopping point#my backlog (slightly diminished because i spent a lot of july looking at games that turned out to be shit) is staring at me again#but im once again drawn to old favorites....#i keep thinking about how it would be absolutely hilarious if my 2023 game list will have not just one repeat from 2021#BUT TWO#like help me#anyway i think i will give ys 9 a shot next because i keep thinking about it. i miss falcom#but there's literally so many options and i dont feel particularly drawn to anything#sigh.#mayb its time to do that savant knife kz run i wanted#zero.txt
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(Still spamming for when you get back) (It’s time for quirky questions with Julie!) how long is now? Do you have a spirit animal? (if so what is it?) is time a real?
I'M BACK! For just a little while anyways
SO, when I was little, I used to think every single moment in time was happening always (does that make sense?) and we just happen to reside in this particular one, still, we travel through the so-called "4th dimension" (or just time) only in one direction 👀. Or just read Einstein's relativity theory, I guess. So, in terms of physics, "now" is really every single moment that has ever existed, exists and will ever exist, and, at the same time, it's only the short moment we're traveling forward to, if that makes sense. In philosophical terms, the now is relative, it could be this exact moment, it could be where you are physically, it could be where you are metaphorically in your life, its really up to you. In conclusion, the "now" is endless and also incredibly short, at the same time.
My sister says my spirit animal is a 50's socialite who may or may not have murdered her last two husbands. Don't know if I agree with that.
As I said before, time is fake and a fraud, but also very real indeed.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk!
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#had the worst day ever#last week things got a little better but today just destroyed all the progress i made#its so FRUSTRATING#how emotionally unstable i am 🫠#like idek if im just overly sensitive or ive really just been let down over and over again#and like bc of this i KNOW i shouldn’t expect ANYTHING at all not even human decency from others#but i still have hope unfortunately so i get crushed every time something goes wrong (all the time everyday)#today i woke up early to go run some errands and got home late at night#and the whole day i only had one piece of bread and iced tea#and like. i KNOW this is exactly why i feel awful and terrible and everything is shit#which is why its even more frustrating bc i can’t do anything about it when im this depressed rn…#and like . its really annoying that everything is just going so wrong that i give up on it all bc i just can’t deal with anything#i don’t even have my best friend anymore to complain to#i really really reallly can’t do this alone but ig this is how it’ll be for a long time#it’s been like this since early july… honestly i don’t even think things will get any better soon#seeing how even tho i made some progress last week i lost it all now and i will keep losing it over and over again#im going crazy really#and i wish my parents would stop making me feel guilty that im depressed#like genuinely what do you want me to do about it?????#you get annoyed at me when i don’t eat the food you make when u know im insane and paranoid and cannot eat this ive told u a million times#and the worst thing is that they KNOW what i like and eat but they don’t make it ever they keep making the food i can’t eat#like u can’t expect me to go inside the kitchen and make it myself bc i will literally pass out and die#im not kidding when i say this bc so many times i try and i really faint bc of the distress it makes me feel#i feel like this might sound extremely stupid to anyone who hasn’t experienced it but that’s just how it is here#anyway im gonna go to sleep now even tho im probably gonna die of frustration#i don’t think i’ll even wake tomorrow x_x my head feels like it might explode any second now#we have a family gathering tomorrow but im ditching them so ill probably just sleep until tuesday 😀 great#(i say this bc its 7am rn… by tomorrow i mean today but it’s tomorrow in my head bc im still up)
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