#its in expert mode too

[twotimefromforsaken]

oops

[gibbearish]

speaking of terraria ive spent the last few days grinding my way through it for the first time in i think like over two years and i forgot. so much but also im doing SO much better than before

[aria0fgold]

I FINALLY HAVE MY PHONE BACK AAYYYYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!! FREEDOM!!!! its lcd is so much better than the prev one am so happy!!!! gonna be babying my phone this time just to keep its lcd from breaking again

[lurkingshan]

Japanese BL Starter Pack

It’s been awhile since I dropped a rec list, so I am here today to share one that is very near and dear to my heart—a Japanese bl primer for those who are new to the jbl game. I created this for @neuroticbookworm to help her on her journey when she decided she wanted to start getting into Japanese works. The fandom (on Tumblr and generally) tends to focus primarily on Thai shows because they are the easiest to access for international fans, since Thailand is working its way toward world domination via ql media and wants us all to be able to watch. But there is a lot of great stuff to watch beyond the easy access Thai channels, and Japan is the country where this genre originated, so its shows are important for anyone who considers themselves a bl fan. Japan doesn’t cater nearly as much to the international audience so tracking down the shows sometimes takes some ingenuity and can-do spirit, but that’s part of the fun!

And so, the list! Bookworm is about halfway through it and having a ball, so I figured it was time to stop hoarding it and share it with anyone else who would like to dip their toes into jbl and isn’t quite sure where to start. A few notes: 

I am not here to teach you about the deep roots of the jbl genre or give you a primer on yaoi manga. I am by no means an expert and there are other places to find that information. Start here with this great post by @nieves-de-sugui and then maybe wander over to @absolutebl to read up more on the evolution of the genre.

This list is by no means an exhaustive accounting of every important Japanese bl ever made; it is simply a nice sampler platter of the cream of the crop among various styles you will find in jbl. Watching through this whole list will not only expose you to some fantastic shows, but also give you a sense of what makes jbl unique and how the country’s style differs from others, and point you toward the types of jbl you’ll like most (they tend to put shows in pretty specific style and tone lanes and once you find the ones you like there are lots more where that came from). 

If you’re coming to this post as a jbl lover and you don’t see your favorite here, I promise it’s not because I don’t love it very much; I simply had to make some choices to get this down to a reasonable shortlist. Feel free to leave extra recs for others to find! 

I’m putting these in a loose suggested watch order that will take you through the various jbl lanes in a kind of popcorn style, because I always think it’s good to change it up so you don’t get too stuck in one mode, and it works its way up to most of the extremely Japanese stuff (you will know what that means by the time you finish). But do what’s in your heart and change up the order if you want, friends, I am not the boss of you! 

Cherry Magic (Crunchyroll or grey)

gif by @liyazaki

I believe everyone on Tumblr is pretty familiar with this one, which is not a coincidence—this is one of the most accessible jbls. Not in terms of actual access to watch it, mind you (we’ve all jumped through shady internet hoops to watch it) but in terms of its content and style. Cherry Magic is a classic workplace romcom with a magical twist, and it is charming af. It’s a great exemplar of Japan’s light and zippy comedy lane for bl—a lane in which, importantly, the romances stay chaste even when the actual plot is about sex, or lack thereof. My friend @waitmyturtles would kill me if I didn’t make sure you know that Cherry Magic also has a lovely follow up film. And bonus: there is now a Thai remake airing so if you watch the original you can get in on the discussion about the different adaptations between countries. This is pretty easy to find these days in all the usual places, but I strongly recommend watching it here.

Old Fashion Cupcake (Viki)

gif by @liyazaki

Moving on to a slightly more mature workplace romcom. Old Fashion Cupcake, another Tumblr favorite, is an age gap boss-subordinate romance, and it’s both very adult and somehow wholesome af at the same time. Sure, there is a lot of carnal desire going on here, but there is also a lot of wooing via fluffy pancakes. It’s a tight five episodes and a fantastic example of what Japan, with its extreme technical precision in writing, directing, editing, pacing, and acting firing on all cylinders, can do in two hours. There’s not an ounce of flab on this thing and you’ll want to watch it over and over again.

Utsukushii Kare (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Time to get a little weird! Weird is a key feature of Japanese media, and lots of jbls explore unusual relationship dynamics rooted in complex psychology. This is the first show on the list that will likely feel very Japanese if you’re new around here—my advice is to lean into it and finish the show, even if you get uncomfortable along the way. In Japanese media, discomfort always serves a purpose. This is a high school story with a twisted relationship at its center, and I’m not saying any more than that. Don’t spoil yourself and go watch it! This one also comes with two sequels—one short second season and one movie—that continue from the original story. They are less essential but still excellent.

I Cannot Reach You (Netflix)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Next up, another high school tale, but with a totally different vibe. This show is kind of a revelation in its willingness to tell a story about overwhelming desire—including sexual desire—with young protagonists. It’s rooted in a classic but often misunderstood trope, friends to lovers, and takes the angst of it seriously, giving us a low stakes story that feels extremely high stakes to our leads. It’s also gorgeous and uses a classic Japanese visual style (bokeh) that you’ll be dying to learn more about. 

His (Viki)

gif by @gabrielokun

Time for a break from high school, and we’ll sprinkle in a movie for some added flavor. His is a jbl film featuring a second chance romance between a stoic, introverted man who moves to a remote town to start over, and his ex-boyfriend who follows him there unexpectedly, adorable child in tow. Importantly, this movie does not take place in what we often refer to as the “bl bubble” where homophobia doesn’t exist; the leads’ experiences of being gay men in a homophobic society are hugely important to the plot and themes of the story. It’s a beautiful film and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. @bengiyo would surely also like me to tell you that this film follows a brief prequel show called His: I Didn’t Mean to Fall in Love about the characters originally meeting in high school; I do not think it’s really necessary to watch it but completists can start there.

The Pornographer series (Gaga)

By now you should be ready to get into some classic Japanese fucked up psychosexual material, right? Right! The Pornographer series is told in five installments in this order:

The Novelist, a six episode miniseries

Mood Indigo, a six episode prequel series

Spring Life, a 15 minute short

Pornographer: Playback, a two hour film

Spring Life Continued, a 15 minute short

Confused by that distribution model? So say we all; sometimes Japan likes to make us work for it to make sure we really appreciate its many gifts to us. The story across these installments is about a very difficult to love protagonist, what makes him the way he is, and the also-unhinged-but-in-a-different-way man who finally gets through to him. It’s an extremely satisfying love story and one of the best character arcs I have ever seen, full stop. For this one, you’ll want to just pull the word problematic out of your pocket and store it in a drawer; nearly everything that happens in this story is problematic and that’s the point. Lean in! All of these installments except for the film are on Gaga, if you get that far hmu and I will supply you with the final puzzle piece.

Our Dining Table (Gaga)

You could probably use a break after those last two, so it’s time to shift over to a heart-tugging twofer: family trauma mixed with the cutest shit you’ve ever seen. ODT is an example of another classic type of Japanese show: the food drama (you will see the GOAT in this category at the end of this list). In Japanese culture, food is love, and the act of preparing food for your loved ones is a common path to romance. You’ll love this story about an isolated office worker who meets a pair of brothers, learns to cook as a way of connecting with them, and begins to heal from his own trauma as a result. The image above is a scan from the manga, which @troubled-mind curates to make extremely cool comparison sets like this one. Many jbls are faithful adaptations of yaoi manga source material, so it’s good to have a bit of familiarity with them.

Minato’s Laundromat (Gaga)

gif by @liyazaki

Japanese media loves to explore taboo, and often manages to do it in a way that is surprisingly light and chaste. This is an age gap romance between a teenager and his adult neighbor that explores internalized homophobia, emotional repression, and falling in love across seemingly impossible social chasms. It’s also a great example of old school yaoi seme-uke dynamics that still show up across the bl genre. Also, take my advice: end your journey with this one with the first season and just pretend season 2 doesn’t exist.

Eternal Yesterday (Viki)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Remember what I said about weird? Time to do that again, but with a heaping dose of grief and pain on top. It’s not a spoiler to tell you this show involves a major character death; a major character death is, in fact, the root of the entire story. This is a magic realist tale of first love turned tragic, and it will hurt and heal you. It is one of my favorite dramas of all time.

Restart After Come Back Home (Gaga)

And now for a break for your poor exhausted brain. This film is basically the jbl version of a Hallmark original movie, about a city boy who goes back home to the country and falls in love with a total sweetheart while working together on a farm. Enjoy it, bestie, you’ve earned it! 

Tokyo in April Is… (Gaga)

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

You’ve probably noticed by now that emotional repression and failed communication are big themes in Japanese works. This second chance romance has plenty of both, and it’s a great example of a kind of muted emotional style that Japan does so well, where the surface of the story seems almost placid and calm even as deep emotion roils underneath. This one (and Eternal Yesterday above) are part of a special line up of jbls on Japanese channel MBS called Tonku (Drama) Shower. The shows air one after another in the same time slot on Fridays (in Japan, perhaps Thursdays for you depending on where you live) and you truly never know what you’re gonna get, but they’re all interesting. Warnings on this one for sexual assault and trauma. 

The End of the World With You (Viki)

Time for sexy and weird again, but even more so! This has to be one of the most unique bls ever made; it goes to some truly divine and strange places, and it feels incredibly queer while doing it. Made by the same screenwriter/director of the Pornographer series with a lot of the same sensibilities, but in a more heightened apocalyptic setting. This one has existential angst, a road trip, a redemption tale, and a variety of interesting side characters in the mix.

What Did You Eat Yesterday? (Gaga)

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Congratulations, you’ve reached the end of the list and your reward is watching one of the best bls of all time, and a perfect slice of life food drama to boot. WDYEY now has two seasons (along with a couple specials and a movie that fall in between) because the universe clearly loves us. You can now get it on Gaga for easy access but I’m partial to the versions over at @kinounaniresource for better subs. Wherever you watch, settle in to get cozy with Shiro and Kenji and make sure to always eat before you hit play.

[kinnbig]

✨ Simple Gif Colouring for Beginners ✨

I wrote up my basic gif colouring process for a friend recently, but a couple of people here mentioned they'd also find it helpful! so, as requested, this is a beginner-friendly walkthrough of the way I colour my gifs :) it's aimed at brand new gif makers with no prior experience with photoshop or photo editing.

when I first started gif making I found colouring and photoshop in general suuuper daunting, so I've tried to simplify everything here as much as possible. hopefully this will be relatively easy to follow and not too intimidating!

a couple of things to begin with:

I'm only talking about colouring here - this is not a full gif making tutorial. I've linked to some of my favourites of those here!

I personally like to make bright, 'clean' looking gifs with vibrant but natural colours, so that is the style of colouring this tutorial is geared towards. most of gif colouring is subjective and about personal taste - the only thing that I'd say is possible to get wrong is skin tones, which I talk about a lot in this guide.

as I mostly gif Thai dramas, most of the advice is geared towards colouring for East Asian/South East Asian skin tones - but the techniques should be fairly universally applicable (and here are some tutorials that talk about gif colouring for other skin tones).

I'm not an expert! I'm not claiming this is the best or the only way to colour gifs - it's just how I do it.

this post is very image-heavy. if the images aren't loading (or the gifs are running slowly or cutting/looping weirdly), then try viewing the post in its own tab (rather than on the your dash or someone's blog) and refreshing the page.

okay, full walkthrough beneath the cut!

contents:

1. intro a. natural gif colouring goals b. very very basic colour theory 2. super simple colouring (the essentials) a. curves b. selective colour (and skin tone correction) c. hue/saturation d. saving and reusing colouring e. another simple colouring example 3. other adjustment layers a. brightness/contrast b. levels c. vibrance d. colour balance e. channel mixer 4. troubleshooting a. curves b. saturation 5. fin!

1. intro

the colouring part of gif making can be super overwhelming, especially if (like me when I first started!) you're completely new to photoshop and/or have no experience with colour theory or photo/video editing.

if you're opening photoshop and making gifs for the first time, I highly recommend getting used to making a few basic, uncoloured gifs to begin with. just to practice, rather than post anywhere (though you can always come back and colour them later if you want) - but it'll make the rest of the process much easier if you're already beginning to get used to working in timeline mode of photoshop. give yourself a bit of time to practice and get a feel for things like how many frames you tend to like in a gif, where you like to crop them for the best loop, what kind of aspect ratio you like etc* - so that you're not trying to navigate all of that for the first time on top of everything else!

* frames: for me between 60-90 frames is ideal, but 40-120 frames is the absolute min-max I'd personally use in a normal gifset loops: for the smoothest loops, try to avoid cutting someone off mid-movement or mid-word if possible. aspect ratio: for full-size (540px) gifs, I tend to go for either 8:5 (slightly 'skinnier' gifs), 7:5, or 5:4 (particularly big, thick gifs lmao)

✨ natural gif colouring goals

part of what can be so daunting about starting gif making is not knowing where to start or what you want to achieve. this is definitely something that gets easier with practice - the more gifs you make, the more you'll get a feel for what kind of look you like and the more instinctively you'll know how to get there. it also helps to see if any gif makers you like have made "before and after colouring" posts - these can help with getting a sense of the kinds of changes made through gif colouring. here's one I made!

in general, I like to make my gifs bright and 'clean' looking, with vibrant but natural colours. these are the things I'm usually hoping to achieve with colouring:

brighten dark scenes

remove muddy, yellowish lighting or filters

saturate colours

correct any skin lightening filters or overexposure

make lighting and colours as consistent as possible between gifs within a single gifset, especially gifsets featuring gifs from multiple scenes/episodes/videos

this guide is focusing on natural colouring, but of course there are many cool ways to make stylised/unnaturally coloured gifs. imo you'll need to master these basics first, but if you want to learn how to do things like change the background colour of gifs or use gradients or other cool effects, then @usergif's resource directory has loads of super helpful tutorials!

✨ very very basic colour theory

[disclaimer! I don't know shit about fuck. I do not study light or art. this is just an explanation that makes sense to me exclusively for the purposes of gif making.]

the primary colours for light/digital screens are red, blue, and green. having all three colours in equal measures neutralises them (represented by the white section in the middle of the diagram).

so to neutralise a colour within a gif, you need to add more of the colour(s) that are lacking.

in practice this usually means: the scene you want to gif is very yellow! yellow is made of red and green light, so to neutralise it you need to add more blue into your gif.

it can also mean the reverse: if you desaturate the yellow tones in a gif, it will look much more blue.

looking at the colour balance sliders on photoshop can make it easier to visualise:

so making a gif more red also means making it less cyan.

removing green from a gif means adding magenta.

taking yellow out of a gif will make it more blue.

tl;dr:

neutralise yellows by adding blue (and vice versa)

neutralise reds by adding cyan (and vice versa)

neutralise green by adding magenta (and vice versa)

2. super simple colouring (the essentials)

starting with a nice sharpened gif in photoshop in timeline mode. (these are the sharpening settings I use!)

some scenes are much harder to colour than others - it helps to start out practising with scenes that are bright/well-lit and that don't have harsh unnaturally coloured lights/filters on. scenes with a lot of brown/orange also tend to be harder.

I usually save a base copy of my gif before I start colouring just in case I end up hating it, or find out later that it doesn't quite fit right into a set and need to redo it etc.

so here is my base gif!

it's an okay gif, but it has a bit of a yellow tint to it that I want to reduce.

colouring is easiest to do in adjustment layers, which can be found under layer -> new adjustment layer - or for me they are here:

there are lots of different types of adjustment layers that do lots of different things - but for me the absolute essentials for colouring are curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation.

I also use brightness/contrast, levels, exposure, vibrance, colour balance, and channel mixer sometimes, depending on the gif - but I use curves, selective colour, and hue/saturation on every single gif.

✨ curves layer

the first thing I always do is a curves layer. when you first open one it will look like this:

first I usually click the ‘auto’ button, just to see what happens. sometimes it makes a big difference (it usually brightens the gif a lot) - but on this gif it didn’t do much.

if it had made the gif look nicer then I would have kept it and added a second curves layer on top to do the rest of these steps.

the next step is selecting the white and black points with the little eyedropper tools.

the bottom eyedropper lets you pick a white point for the gif. click somewhere super light on the gif to see what happens - for this gif, I clicked on the lampshade on the left. if it looks weird, I just undo it and try somewhere else - it usually takes a few goes to find something that looks good.

here's what that did to the gif:

then I pick the top eyedropper and use it to pick a black point by clicking somewhere really dark, again playing around until I find a black point that looks good.

here's what the gif looks like after picking the white and black points:

this can take some experimenting, but you can make super easy drastic changes to your gif just with this. in this case, the curves layer took out a lot of that yellowy tint.

and this is what the curves graph looks like now:

you can click and drag those lines to make further changes if you want - I usually leave them alone though. the colours of the lines indicate which colours have been changed in the gif - for example, you can see from that steep blue line on the graph that blue has been added to neutralise those yellows.

next I usually do another curves layer and just press the ‘auto’ button again to see what happens. usually it brightens the gif a bit more, which I like.

‼️if nothing is working: usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :( the troubleshooting section at the end goes over some options, including starting with a levels layer instead.

✨ selective colour (and skin tone correction)

skin tones are made up of a mixture of yellow and red.

removing yellow (or adding blue or red) to a gif will make the skin-tones too red - and removing red (or adding cyan or yellow) to a gif will make the skin-tones too yellow.

adding blue to this gif with the curves layer took out the yellowy tint, which I wanted - but it also took the yellows out of Kim's skin tone, which I don’t want. so I need to put yellow back into the skin tones specifically - without putting it back into the rest of the gif.

selective colour layers let you select an individual colour and adjust the levels of other colours within that colour. you can change how yellow the green shades are, or how much cyan is in the blues, for example.

I need to add yellow back into the red tones to correct the skin tones on this gif. this is the case for most gifs in my experience - the vast majority of the time, unless a scene is very heavily tinted in another colour, a curves layer will add blue/remove yellow.

in the 'colors' dropdown, select the 'reds' section and drag the 'yellow' slider higher - this will add more yellow into just the red shades within the gif.

the amount of yellow you need to add back into the reds depends on how much yellow was taken out of the gif initially - I just play around with the slider until it looks right. if you're not sure, it helps to have some neutrally-coloured (not white-washed!) reference photos of the people in your gif to compare to.

here's the result. Kim's skin is a lot less pink toned and much more natural looking:

✨ hue/saturation

this adjustment layer lets you adjust the hue and saturation of the gif as a whole, and also of each colour individually.

I don't use the hue or lightness sliders unless I'm trying to do something more complicated with the colouring.

clicking the dropdown menu that says 'master' lets you edit the saturation of each colour individually. this is useful if your gif is still super tinted in one colour.

I thought the yellows on this gif were still slightly too bright, so I switched to the yellow channel and desaturated them slightly. (remember if you do this then you need to go back to selective colour and add more yellow into the red skin tones to balance out the desaturation!)

then I increased the 'master' saturation of all the colours to +5:

I usually find the right amount of saturation is somewhere between +5 and +12, but it depends on the gif.

‼️if the gif feels undersaturated, but the saturation slider isn't helping/is making the colours worse, try a vibrance layer instead.

done!

✨ saving and reusing colouring

you can copy and paste adjustment layers between gifs to make your colouring even across each of your gifs for one scene - so if you're making a set of multiple gifs of the same scene, or you think you might want to gif the same scene again in the future, you can save it as a psd so you can reuse the colouring again later.

each gif's colouring will then still need tweaking - different cameras/angles/shots of the same scene can still start out with slightly different colouring.

I recommend uploading the gifs as a draft post on tumblr so you can see what they all look like next to each other and catch any inconsistencies.

✨ another one! (speedrun!)

HI KEN!

the white point for the curves layer was in the window behind them.

the curves layer removes the muddy yellow tint, but again it makes their skin tones (especially Ken's) very red toned, which is adjusted by the selective colour layer.

3. other adjustment layers

imo many many gifs can be coloured really nicely with just those three adjustment layers, but some need different adjustments.

✨ brightness/contrast

pretty self explanatory!

I personally usually avoid using the 'brightness' slider because I rarely like the effect - I only tend to use the 'contrast' one. 

the 'auto' button is sometimes useful though, especially if you’re struggling with the curves layer.

✨ levels

levels alters the white and black points of the gif, like curves - but unlike curves it doesn't also alter other colours.

use the sliders beneath the graph to alter how dark/light the gif is. you can slide the black slider further to the right to make the blacks darker, and the white slider to the left to make the whites lighter.

levels is a good place to start if your curves layer isn't working.

(I'm going to hit the image limit for this post lol so here are some screenshots of a table I made to demonstrate this rather than actual gifs. sorry!)

on both sides, I dragged the sliders up to where the big jumps are on the graph - this is usually a good place to start!

✨ vibrance

vibrance... makes the colours more vibrant. it's more subtle than saturation.

it's really helpful for gifs that feel grey. sometimes adjusting saturation just makes the greys kind of weirdly tinted, but a vibrance layer can fix that.

vibrance is much more subtle!

✨ colour balance

colour balance affects the overall balance of colours within a gif.

it's good for scenes with heavy tints.

I tend to stick to the 'midtones' dropdown, but you can also alter the colour balance within the shadows and highlights if you want.

✨ channel mixer

I avoided channel mixer for such a long time because it scared me. but it's great for scenes that are very heavily tinted in one colour.

basically, it works with the levels of red, green, and blue within a gif. you select an output colour and then play around with the levels of the colour you selected within each other colour.

kind of the reverse of selective colour?

so in the 'blue' channel, the levels of blue are at 100%, and the levels of red and green are at 0% - but you can impact how much blue is in the reds and greens and blues.

this tutorial explains it well - but imo the best way to get to grips with channel mixer is just to play around with it a bit (sorry)

(when I made this guide for my friend, I also made a slightly more complicated gif colouring walk-through that included using channel mixer. there isn't space to include it within this post, but if anyone is interested I could always upload it as an 'intermediate' gif colouring tutorial - lmk!)

4. troubleshooting

‼️curves

usually with a bit of fucking about a curves layer works well - but sometimes you can’t find a good white and black point anywhere, and instead your gif turns wacky colours and nothing looks good. this happens more often with very heavily colour tinted scenes :(

for example, with this base gif:

using many of the brightest points as a white point turn it wacky colours, like this:

yikes :(

some options for these cases:

try brightening the gif first with the 'auto' button on the curves layer or with a levels layer. having a brighter gif to start with can give you better options for picking a white point.

try finding an alternate, whiter/brighter white point. look for places the light reflects - on this gif, using the light on Porsche's cheekbone works well as the white point. it also helps to find places that would be white if the scene wasn't tinted - the lightest part of a white shirt is often a good place to start, for example.

skip the curves layer, and instead use a levels layer to alter your white/black points, and colour balance or channel mixer to balance the colours.

‼️over/undersaturation

if your gif (especially the skintones) is looking a little washed out or lifeless, it might be undersaturated. boost that saturation - or if that's not working, try a vibrance layer.

oversaturation is often easiest to spot in the mouths and ears of any people in a gif. if the mouths are looking unnaturally, vibrantly red, then you've gone too far with the saturation.

5. fin!

and done! I hope this was coherent helpful to somebody.

if there's anything that I've missed or that doesn't make sense pls feel free to shoot me an ask or a message and I'll do my best to help! I've also collated a bunch of additional reading/resources below.

happy gifmaking 🥰

✨ some links!

photoshop basics by @selenapastel

gifmaking for beginners by @hayaosmiyazaki

gifmaking guide for beginners by @saw-x

dreamy's gif tutorial by @scoupsy-remade (includes instructions on how to blur out burned-on subtitles or annoying video graphics)

beginner's guide to channel mixer by @aubrey-plaza

how to fix orange-washed characters by aubrey-plaza

colour correcting and fixing dark scenes by @kylos

does resampling matter? by usergif

how to put multiple gifs on one canvas by @fictionalheroine

watermarking using actions by @wonwooridul

resource directory by @usergif

[inbabylontheywept]

your life stories are always so interesting so i shall poke a stick into the cage and ask for more. do you have any fun stories of near death experiences? personally i choked on a lifesaver as a child and could not breathe

personally? not really. ive got a pretty decent hospital story though.

see, my grandpa was in charge of the easter pageant in my state. its a big mormon thing, a lot of other churches come because its just good easter worship. anyway, in part of the pageant, theres a pony for jesus and mary to ride around on. technically supposed to be a donkey, but ponys are just so much more photogenic. anyway this happened when my little sister was going through her little-girl-pony phase, so this was so major-league shit to her. so much so that my grandpa, who i still miss so much, brought this pony to our house so she could ride it.

my little brother? he also wanted to ride it. and i didnt really want to ride it, but they were both so small someone kind of needed to hold those two onboard, and i was the lighest person capable of doing so, (didnt want to overload the pony) so i went on the back too.

and it was a stellar time until the donkey went under a tree, then my little sister hit her head on a branch and fell left, and her fall took my little brother out because he was holding onto her, and both of them took me out, so we all fell off the pony, but me with 2 kids on my left arm.

god blessed me with a third elbow that day.

here are the things that followed after the Miracle of the Third Elbow

my autistic dad came outside to check on me. id broken my arm the year before, so i knew what it was, and i knew what it felt like, so i was able to pretty clearly go "yeah, dad, i broke my arm." and he was able to go "whew. yeah. thats like, harry potter broken." and i was able to say "yeah. yeah it hurts pretty bad." and he said "oh, yeah, definitely. that looks horrible." and then i basically said something like "hopital" and he was like "right" and then we left. my memory after that gets weird.

i can remember driving up main street, and seeing this guy dancing. like, full on dancing down the street. and i asked my dad about why that guy was dancing, and he said that man was a schizophrenic, and he was medicated, but the medication had just made it so that his voices told him to dance instead of hurt himself. now he danced all the time. i should clarify that my dad worked in the ER so he knew a lot of the local homeless on a life-story kind of level. my dads a good guy.

i can remember sitting in the waiting room with a magician that had sliced his right hand open pretty bad while cooking. he was trying his best to keep us entertained with his cards, but because he was doing all his tricks left handed, he'd mess them up sometimes and it was actually kind of more fun to watch than just him in expert mode. another good guy. very friendly, but visibly repulsed by my arm.

i can remember being in a bed, and a nurse coming up to me and saying that they could give me some painkillers, which i was super stoked about, but the IV from the painkillers basically required being stabbed with a needle as thick around as a pencil. she recomended saying the alphabet backwards when she put the needle in, and i said i didn't know how, and then she stuck in the needle in. over 4 seconds i was able to go from z to c, a feat i have never since been able to replicate.

after the painkillers, i watched a tv show called Jackie Chan Adventures, which was an animated cartoon with an animated Jackie Chan, voiced by the real Jackie Chan, solving mysteries. i actually assumed that whole thing was a hallucination until i was an adult, and i was describing it to my wife, and she was like "no, that actually happened." which was funny to happen to me, because when me and her started dating, she just kind of dropped how awesome it was that obama was the first muslim president, and i was like what, no hes an episcopalian, and it turns out that her dad, who sucks for many reasons, had told her that obama was a muslim, and she was sweet enough to believe that, and also to just be like oh, neat, our president is black and a muslim, we are truly moving forward as a counry." i love her so much.

no memories of it after that. not even sure when i got home. just a straight up weird time.

[nataliasquote]

Double the trouble [pt.1] | n romanoff

Double the trouble au: part 1, part 2

Summary: Natasha and Wanda’s teenage twin daughters are a lot to handle, but despite their differences and arguments, there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for each other

Age: 17

Warnings: none

Pairings: WandaNat

wc: 3.9k

note: my first time putting a one shot on tumblr. Here goes nothing

— ⧗ —

"Y/N! Mom told me to come wake you. You're gonna be late." Isla stood at the door, her arms folded with a cocky smirk plastered on her face.

Y/N groaned and turned over in her bed, flinging an arm over her face as she squinted into the light to see who was speaking. The familiar outline of her twin sister came into view and she rolled back over.

"Y/N. Get up. Or don't. It's not my fault if you're late." And with that, the girl was gone, the door swinging shut as a cloud of floral perfume was all that was left in her place.

"Good morning to you too." Y/N muttered under her breath as she pulled her phone off charge and checked the time. Her stomach dropped as 7:19 flashed up on her screen. School started at 8:00. They left at 7:45. She did not have long at all.

"Isla I'm gonna kill you!" The distressed teenager screamed out, running over to her closet to pull out the first half decent outfit she could find. Any feeling of tiredness evaporated from her body as she got dressed, which was probably the only positive to come out of this morning.

A knock sounded on her bedroom door as she pulled her shirt over her head. Wanda's head popped around before she saw it was safe for her to enter. She watched her daughter getting frustrated over her hair for a moment before walking over with a plate of freshly made toast and fruit. There wasn't much time to eat it but Wanda was the kind of mother who made sure all of her girls were fed. Even when Nat was feeling stubborn.

"Good morning sweetheart. I brought breakfast." It was an obvious thing to send but Y/N smiled gratefully at her in the mirror for a split second before a large tangle in her hair caused her to wince.

"Thanks Mom."

"Do you want me to send Mama up to help with your hair?" As a typical mom, Wanda collected a few spare cups from her daughter's desk and stacked them in her hand. Y/N attacked her hair with her hairbrush before setting it down on the table with a thud.

"No! I'm not 4! I can do my own hair!" She exclaimed. She didn't normally talk to Wanda that way, but the stress of being late was taking its toll so Wanda didn't take offence.

"Okay. Well, you've got 15 minutes."

Y/N groaned loudly and started on her make up, having given up on her hair. A ponytail would suffice for today. She did not have the patience.

"Isla, you know you can't leave without your sister. So I don't know what trick you're playing on her, but if she's late then you're late." Wanda went into stern mother mode as she entered the kitchen, where her eldest (by 11 minutes) was sat at the table drinking her breakfast smoothie.

The teenager looked up in offence at her mother, who just shot her a warning look. "I didn-" She was cut off by another glare from Wanda.

The mother tapped the side of her head. "Mind reader. Remember?"

"What's this about mind reading?" Nat questioned as she walked into the kitchen, going straight over to her wife to wrap her in a hug and a kiss. Isla turned back to her phone and the women looked over at their daughter. "And where's Y/N?"

"Well, someone turned her sister's alarm off so she's currently rushing around upstairs."

Nat sent her famous disappointed look to Isla, who cowered slightly. Wanda was easy to get around, often being far too soft with her girls. Natasha was the tough parent, but she still cared. Being a dance teacher and studio owner meant she was an expert in tough love. "Isla... why?"

The teenager shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought it was funny. I was gonna wake her up but I lost track of time." She pulled a lock of perfectly curled hair out of her face and Nat knew what had made her 'lose track of time'.

"You don't do that again, okay?" Isla nodded, not wanting to start an argument before 8am. She wasn't a bad person, but her ideas of teasing her sister and playing jokes weren't exactly the best.

"Hey my love," Wanda hummed as Nat passed her again with a kiss. "Can you go see if Y/N needs any help? She might benefit from your braiding skills today, even though she was okay."

Natasha smiled, nodding. She loved braiding her daughters' hair. Even at 17, when the twins claimed they were too old for it, they secretly loved Nat's braids. Especially Y/N, who found her mom doing her hair at lot during dance show season.

There was just over 5 minutes before they needed to leave so Nat tentatively entered Y/N's room, observing the girl before talking. The teenager was threading her earrings into her ears, the rest of her jewellery already in place. Make up was scattered across the desk and her hairbrush was on the other side of the room. Her hair hung down her back in a dark red curtain, the ends curling naturally slightly. It looked smooth but wasn't styled, and Nat smiled.

"Hey sweet girl. Can I help?" She sat on Y/N's bed slightly, picking up the backpack by the floor and slotting her daughter's laptop and charger into the right compartment. She didn't snoop around, but instead put it back on the floor by her feet.

"I just need to finish my make up. How long do I have?" Y/N took a bite of toast as Nat checked her watch.

"5 minutes. Do you want braids? I can do them in 2 minutes. And I won't be in your way." Y/N was hesitant as she applied her concealer, frantically blending it in. Wasn't her neatest job but she still wanted to be presentable.

"Okay but please make it quick."

Nat sprung into action, gathering up a small section of hair to begin braiding. The two worked in silence, with there being no time to walk. As Nat tied off the first braid, Y/N leaned forwards to curl her lashes before Nat started again on the other side. The braids were only small, taking the front sections of Y/N's hair to keep them out of her face during the day.

Being a dancer, she kept her hair long but there was so much of it that it got in the way a lot. So she rarely had it fully down, either claw clips or braids holding back. Isla rarely wore braids, wanting to differentiate herself from her sister at school. They got mixed up enough as it was.

"Okay. All done." Nat stepped back as Y/N applied her final coat of lipgloss. She smiled as she saw the braids but didn't have time to admire them before a jangle of keys was heard and a voice yelled up the stairs.

"Y/N! Let's go!"

"Always so polite." Nat said sarcastically with a smile to Y/N. She handed her daughter her backpack and gave her a quick hug before the girl rushed out of the room, Nat following behind more calmly.

"Love you Mama! Love you Mom!" Y/N shouted over her shoulder, running out of the house with a slice of her toast in her hand.

"Have a great day girls." The women called out, watching the car pull away from the driveway. Isla got her permit before Y/N so she was the designated taxi girl in the family now. Y/N hated it, but driving wasn't her strongest suit so she stuck out the irritating chatter of her sister until she was finally ready for her own permit.

"Everyday I'm still surprised at how similar yet so different they are." Wanda commented, her hands wrapped round her mug of tea. Nat mirrored her from her side, her mug containing coffee instead.

"They look like a carbon copy of each other and yet sometimes I feel it's like they're from different planets." This made Wanda laugh slightly, her breathy giggle never failing to put a smile on her wife's face.

"I mean, you wouldn't find Isla in a dance studio anymore. But then Y/N practically lives there. And you wouldn't find her on the athletics track either, unlike Isla. We must have done something right... right?"

Nat sidled up to her wife and wrapped her arms around her waist, mug now abandoned on the counter. "You, my dear, are the best mom those girls could ask for." She looked into the green eyes she knew far too well before pressing a kiss to the lips she had memorised and could draw in her sleep. "We've done everything we can do for them. And our girls are the toughest girls in the world."

"And they're ours."

"Our little babies." Nat said with a soft smile, her head leaning down to rest on Wanda's shoulder.

"Don't let Y/N hear you saying that. She was snappy about me thinking she was 4 earlier."

"That girl is a whirlwind. She's as wild as her hair sometimes." Wanda reached up and pushed a lock of Nat's red hair behind her ear, admiring the colour which matched the twins' almost perfectly.

"And I know just where she gets it from." The Sokovian said with a smile before kissing her wife. Nat tried to deepen it now it was just them, but Wanda pulled back. "I have work to do. As much as I'd love to stay here with you all day, those emails won't answer themselves." She left the room with an aura of grace surrounding her and Nat found herself staring at the door way long after she was gone.

— ⧗ —

The day went by quite fast. Wanda worked in her office until 4pm, whilst Nat left for her studio at 1pm to start preparing that evening's classes. Competition season was a stressful time but she handled herself well, staying on top of what she needed and when.

The final bell rang and the corridors were soon filled with hoards of teenagers, everyone racing to get home as quickly as possible. Y/N and Isla stopped by their lockers, chatting with friends as they exchanged the textbooks needed for tonight's homework.

Despite their quarrels and petty arguments, the twins shared the same group of friends at school. They were known by everyone, but Bucky, Maria, Clint, Kate and Steve made up their main group. They were pretty popular, partly due to the fact that there wasn't a single person who disliked their moms. Nat and Wanda were the favourite parents which somehow elevated the girls' social status in school. Maybe it was also because of the parties they were allowed to host.

Natasha and Wanda's main focus was to give their girls as normal of a life as they possible could. Which meant letting them live like teenagers. Going to football games, school dances, hosting house parties, trips to the mall with friends. Anything that normal teenagers did was allowed. Alcohol was monitored and smoking and drugs was a strict no. But the twins followed the rules, knowing they were a lot luckier than most.

"Shit. Mom needs me in the studio." Y/N read aloud as her locker slammed shut. Isla peered down at her sister's phone and sighed.

"Y/N I've got track practice in 15 minutes. I can't get you there and back in time." Her sports bag hung off her shoulder and she watched her sister grab the emergency dance bag from her locker that she kept purely for times like this. "Well, I suppo-"

"I can take you" Bucky spoke. He was leaning with his back against the lockers like he usually did, watching Y/N with a soft smile.

"No I-" Isla started to protest but stopped herself. She knew how much Bucky was crushing on her sister and she was in full support. "Actually, Bucky, that would be amazing." Everyone else was aware of his crush, all except Y/N. She was completely oblivious, which obviously Isla took full advantage of and teased her about it almost on a daily basis.

"Do you know where it is?" Y/N asked casually. She had been crouched down by her bags to swap her stuff over and so had missed the looks and glances that everyone shared as Bucky offered. So as she stood back up everyone was smiling wide which confused her. "What?"

"Yeah my little sister does ballet on saturdays there and I pick her up sometimes." Bucky had already fished his car keys out and was tossing them in his hand.

Y/N noticed her sister's smirk out of the corner of her eye as they all walked to the exit of the school. "Isla, what is it?"

"Nothing. You guys have fun. But not too much fun." And with a wink, she turned towards the track and ran off to join her friends who were already on their way over in the distance. Everyone else said goodbye and went their separate ways for the night, leaving Bucky and Y/N by his car.

Y/N was definitely the kindest out of the twins, so she could easily make conversation with anyone. She didn't think anything special of the car ride to her mom's studio, except maybe that Bucky was really nice to offer her a ride. It was only a 10 minute drive but she was still so grateful.

"Thanks a lot for this, by the way." Y/N said as she stared out of the window. She knew this route like the back of her hand but something about the sun shining through the trees made it extra special today.

Bucky shook his head. "It's no problem. Always happy to help."

Y/N looked over and smiled at him. "You're a really good friend. I'm glad I've got you."

Bucky's smile slipped but he fixed it quickly as they came to a red light. Once again he was pushed back into the friend zone, but it was his fault for not making his feelings known. As he looked over at her, the sun catching her red hair, making it look like fire, her body swaying slightly to the music of "You Make Loving Fun", he realised just how much he liked her. But Y/N was sweet to everyone, so it held him back. Maybe she didn't see him the way he saw her. Or maybe she liked someone else.

His thoughts had distracted him and the lights turned green, earning a soft poke in the arm from Y/N who gestured to the lights.

They both hummed along to the music and chatted the rest of the way, Y/N sending her mom a quick text as they caught the rush hour traffic.

"You really are amazing for doing this. I'll pay you back at some point, I promise!" Y/N gratefully thanked him as she grabbed her bags to climb out of the car. Bucky offered to get out and help but Y/N's stubborn nature refused any help.

"Don't worry about it. Enjoy yourself. You're an amazing dancer!" He leaned out of the window and waved as he drove off, sending a blush creeping across Y/N's face.

Maybe the feelings were reciprocated. Just a little...

"Hey angel," Nat called out as Y/N walked through the main entrance doors.

"Hi Mama."

"Who was that outside?" Nat asked after Y/N said hi to the receptionist. She made her way over to her mother, who was stood by the door to the main studio and cafe.

"Oh, Bucky gave me a lift here. Isla had track so she couldn't get back in time." Nat couldn't help the smirk that crept onto her face, identical to the one Isla wore just before they left school.

"Oh so that's Bucky? Nice." She turned around and walked down the hall, leaving Y/N to chase after her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The teenager called out, but Nat just shrugged and checked the windows outside studio 1b. "Mama. Please tell me. Isla had the same smirk. I'm not stupid so just tell me what's going on."

Y/N's huff and pout made Nat 'aw' and she pinched her daughter's cheek before her hand was quickly slapped away. "Nothing baby. I just expected to see Isla, that's all. Not Bucky."

Y/N folded her arms over her chest, careful not to let her backpack or sports bag slip off her shoulders. "I don't believe you."

Nat patted her on the head and unlocked the door to the studio. "Okay. Now come on. I want to work on your solo. We have that turns section to sort out so hurry up and get changed."

Y/N groaned and dropped her back off her shoulder, where it landed with a muffled thud ad her feet. "Mom give me a minute. I just got here."

"I have no minutes to give. It's comp season, you know that Y/N/N. No time to waste." Nat was already over in the speaker corner, connecting her laptop up so it was ready. "Why are you still standing there?"

"Can I just have 2 minutes to breathe?"

Natasha turned around and placed her hands on her hips, mirroring her daughter perfectly. "Do you want Yelena to take your private instead? She's free right now actually. I could be teaching junior tap instead."

Y/N's eyes went wide and she quickly grabbed her discarded bag. "No no! I'll hurry. I'll change and be back! Please don't sent Yelena in here!"

"Good. And I won't. She's taking your class for ballet later anyway. So you have that to enjoy."

The teenager was halfway to the changing room before she stopped dead in her tracks. That was her worst nightmare. "Mama! She's gonna be all 'Those feet are horrible. Point them. Why do your hands look like claws. Are you a crab? Are we doing Little Mermaid dance? Your posture is like potato couch. Why are none of you flexible?'" Her Russian accent sounded nothing like her aunt, which made Nat raise an eyebrow. She'd taught her daughters better than that. Or so she thought.

"Potato couch?"

"I think she meant couch potato. But yeah she said that to Becca last week. It helped though. Her posture was better last night."

"Then she's a good teacher." Such a know it all.  "Do you stretch every night?"

Y/N went to answer and Nat gave her a knowing look. "Well, not every night."

"Then everything Yelena says is true. So don't complain. She tells me everything."

"I don't see how you guys are sisters. You're so different. She makes you seem almost angelic." Y/N fiddled with the lock on the changing room door.

"Exactly what your mom and I say about you and Isla. Now stop being cheeky and go get changed. And I want the hi-cut black leotard because we're working on legs today. Oh, and Y/N, bring your half soles because I don't want to completely destroy your feet before the rest of your classes." Natasha was bossy but it's what made her one of the best teachers around. She knew what she wanted and what it took to get there. She could recognise the potential in her dancers but would only work with those who put the work in themselves.

There was something so special about working with your daughter. Nat loved it, even if she didn't get to do privates like this much. Yes, she went into dance teacher mode and Y/N was no exception, but the pride she felt when she watched her daughter dance was something she didn't feel as much with the other dancers. Just like when she watched Isla win her races, seeing Y/N dance made her heart swell so much it felt as though it would burst.

10 minutes later and Y/N emerged from the changing room, a hair tie between her teeth as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. Nat wasn't strict on hair with privates, only with normal class. So she just put on some calming music and started stretching with her daughter. Yes, it was weird seeing her mom effortlessly do the splits, but Y/N was used to it by now.

They gossiped the whole time, Y/N filling her in on any school drama that was of interest. As Y/N moved to the bar to stretch her leg holds, Nat couldn't hold back her questions anymore.

"What's going on with you and Bucky?" Nat asked and then burst out laughing as she turned to face her daughter. Y/N had her right leg pulled up to her head, but the most confused and shocked expression on her face. It truly was a hilarious sight.

"Uh- nothing? But I feel like you know something I don't? That's the second time you've asked me today."

Nat shrugged. "Well, he gave you a lift. I'm just curious."

"Well there's nothing to be curious about." She switched legs as she was talking. "He's just a friend. You know that. We've literally been friends since middle school!"

"Okay. I'll just ask Isla then." Nat smirked and walked over to her laptop.

"Mama, she will just tell you the same! And if she doesn't then she's just causing drama. Or making my life a living hell."

"She's your sister. That's what she's supposed to do. You do the exact same to her, even if you don't think so." Y/N rolled her eyes, moving to the centre of the room. "Okay, let's run it. You ready?"

"Is that why you and Aunt Yelena can't direct the same dance show? Because you argue?" Y/N smirked as her mom shook her head. "I'm right aren't I?"

"No you're not. And she's Miss Yelena to you. Just like I'm Miss Natasha. Now, dance."

"Yes Mama." Y/N wore a shit eating grin as she moved to her starting position, trying to get into the character of her dance so she didn't burst out laughing.

She was grateful for the relationship she had with both her moms and family meant the most to her. Even Isla had a special place in her heart, despite their quarrels and petty arguments. Those sisters would do anything for each other if it came down to it. Which was surprising to everyone except Wanda and Natasha. They saw the sisterly bond like no one else did. It was unbreakable.

[mariacallous]

FEMA now has an end date. President Donald Trump said yesterday that he intends to phase out the Federal Emergency Management Administration after this hurricane season, canceling it like an HBO series. States should lead their own disaster response, he said, suggesting he does not understand that states already do lead disaster response; they just can’t do it without an infusion of FEMA dollars and expertise when the disaster is too big. “The governor should be able to handle it,” Trump said. The buck has been passed.

The Atlantic hurricane season lasts from now until November. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is predicting an above-normal number of named storms this year. The weather doesn’t stop after that, of course. Fire season overlaps with hurricane season, another time of intense FEMA activity, and in recent years, fires have broken the bounds of any usual seasons; the devastating Los Angeles fires were in January. Even if this year’s disasters do quiet after November, hurricane season starts again next June. The administration will convene a council to eliminate FEMA “as it exists today,” Kristi Noem, the secretary of Homeland Security, said yesterday—but those few short months in between seasons are hardly enough time to dismantle the federal apparatus of disaster response and transfer full responsibility to the states without casualties. Literal casualties, potentially. (FEMA did not respond to a request for comment.)

But, fine, we get FEMA for this hurricane season. Already, it will be a test of what happens when FEMA is hobbled and anemic. Under the Trump administration, the agency has lost roughly a quarter of its core staff. One acting chief of FEMA was pushed out after saying that the agency should not be abolished; his replacement told staffers he wasn’t aware that the United States had a hurricane season. (The administration later said this was a joke.) Should any single storm—or, worse, multiple storms—turn into a major disaster this year, the responsibility that state governments might be expected to shoulder in a FEMA-less America could come as a shock to them, and to their constituents.

Many close watchers of FEMA do think the agency needs a dramatic shake-up and that states should be responsible for more of the financial burden of catastrophe. FEMA was originally intended to handle a relatively small number of catastrophic disasters a year, but now deals with many dozens annually, both because the rate of disasters is increasing and because the agency is being drafted into handling more of them. The ballooning costs of response and recovery regularly exceed FEMA’s main disaster budget, requiring emergency and ad hoc funding to bridge the gap.

Meanwhile, states have come to rely on federal funds to bail them out and, in the quiet moments between storms and fires, are free to make imprudent development decisions: Might as well let developers build those waterfront homes if FEMA will pick up the tab when they flood. “Our system creates some really perverse incentives that need to be addressed,” Andrew Rumbach, a senior fellow at the nonprofit Urban Institute, told me. More risk should be transferred to the states, he and others said.

But that would take time to do safely, and require a major infusion of cash to the states to bolster any FEMA-replacing infrastructure, according to the experts I spoke with. Ending FEMA, as Trump says he will, could easily result in a highly uneven landscape of disaster safety.

The logic for FEMA was all about efficiency: For many states, disasters are rare, and having 50 sets of personnel and resources on standby for those rare events is far more costly than having a centralized stockpile that can be deployed around the country as needed. Good disaster response also requires time spent in disaster mode. States with infrequent disasters naturally lack that. FEMA’s strength is that it deals with crises all the time.

That experience is part of what the agency is now losing. Many senior personnel, including those who coordinate responses during emergencies, have left since January, according to The New York Times. Those decades of experience aren’t easy to replace, Jeffrey Schlegelmilch, an associate professor at Columbia University who has worked in disaster planning, told me. “Emergency management isn’t something where you take a few courses and all of a sudden you can run a complex emergency.” And in states that don’t regularly handle floods or hurricanes, staff, “won’t have the muscle memory” of how to respond when a storm suddenly intensifies, North Carolina Governor Josh Stein said in a press conference last week. He said his state experienced this firsthand when Hurricane Helene hit western North Carolina last year: That part of the state had “a lot of new people in emergency-management positions,” he said. “We need the expertise that exists in FEMA.”

Wealthier states, such as California, and states that, like Florida, have extensive experience in response coordination may not be as hurt by changes at the federal level. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has said his state doesn’t need FEMA; just give Florida a chunk of money instead. (Trump’s intention to end FEMA does not yet clearly include major transfers of funds to states to run their own response and recovery programs; he said yesterday that future funds may come directly from the “president’s office,” rather than FEMA.) Rumbach says he heard that same desire from officials in Kentucky, when he taught an emergency-management training workshop there. “Their main argument was ‘We don’t need FEMA. Just give us the money; we know what to do with it.’”

Poorer states and states that rarely see disasters will inevitably be most vulnerable to FEMA’s total absence. Arizona, for example, has received among the fewest FEMA funds in recent years, in part because it isn’t in the path of hurricanes and recent wildfires have not burned as ferociously there as in other western states. But that means the state is ill-prepared for a low-probability but high-devastation event, as The Arizona Republic recently noted. If and when Arizona’s luck runs out, it may not have the infrastructure or the funds to manage the crisis alone.

“You’re going to see a lot of states not prepared. And a lot of people in harm’s way may not be fully capable of recovering if there is an event,” Carlos Martín, a vice president at Resources for the Future, an environmental think tank, told me. Plus, an every-state-for-itself approach comes with the obvious challenges of a free market: At present, FEMA stockpiles essential goods to distribute after emergencies. If that stockpile isn’t maintained, wealthier states could handily outcompete poorer states for supplies during multistate emergencies, according to the Atlantic Council, which found that red states are likely to be on the losing side most of the time.

This all means that more citizens may fall through the disaster-assistance cracks. FEMA has said, for instance, that it will stop its door-to-door outreach this season and rely instead on “more targeted venues”; when a federal disaster is declared, FEMA often goes around the area and knocks on every person’s door to let them know what programs they could apply to for assistance. Now, Rumbach worries, people living in the most rural places, as well as people who may not be mobile—the elderly and those with certain disabilities—may never know about those programs. “A lot of the stories about how badly things went are going to come out later,” he said.

Even in a state with personnel on the ground to capture the full scope of need, a lot of disaster response after that step is paperwork, Schlegelmilch said. Right now, an entire private-sector ecosystem of organizations helps states apply for FEMA funds, and helps FEMA direct its resources. Even if states are on their own, they will still need a system to do something similar. Remaking grant-application processes and managing the bureaucracy of distributing funds will be yet another growing pain of the transition. “That’s going to shock all of the states,” Schlegelmilch said.

If Trump were to decide that reforming FEMA were a more prudent choice than scrapping it, ideas abound. As FEMA’s administrator during Barack Obama’s presidency, Craig Fugate promoted the idea of a “disaster deductible” for states modeled off insurance deductibles; state officials might then be held more accountable for preparing for disasters (which right now tends to mean little to voters) rather than rewarded politically for acquiring disaster funding after the fact. The previous Trump administration created a fund (which Joe Biden expanded) meant to help states prevent the worst impact of disasters before they happen. That program moved billions in funds under local control, with the aim of fixing long-standing infrastructure problems that would have made future disasters more dangerous and expensive. But Trump already canceled it this term. “It’s hard to see how they’re not increasing risk,” Rumbach said. “We’re going to pay for it one way or another.”

For all these reasons, Rumbach is betting that “reality will set in,” and that the federal government will not radically shrink its share of disaster spending so quickly. But the loss of key personnel and the looming dissolution mean that major damage to national readiness has already been done. And the hasty budget changes mean some people will get hurt. The country’s emergency-management system “doesn’t have to be completely broken to have really bad impacts,” he said. If the national ability to respond to disasters falters at all, then “recovery is slower, more chaotic, less efficient,” Rumbach said. “When that happens, people are suffering for longer, they’re more traumatized, communities don’t recover as quickly.”

The United States has already seen what happens when a major weather catastrophe arrives shortly after a president hastily rearranges FEMA. After the newly formed Department of Homeland Security took over the agency in 2003, George W. Bush’s administration eliminated emergency managers and resources, particularly in regional offices. When Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005, the depleted agency badly botched the response. “We’ve read this story before,” Schlegelmilch said. There’s little reason to think it’ll end differently this time around.

[thatoneluckybee]

WEEEEEEEEEE OKAY THEN

i have seen like SIX videos on youtube recommended about YAMINABE and tumblr posts so I sucked it up and I’m trying it will update in a second

[yayasvalveplay]

Thinking of what kind of alt mode warframe op would take.

Was thinking of the Lockheed C-130 Hercules mainly because :

1. Hercules is in the name, who is a demigod and if you think about it, op is now (probably) considered one too.

2. Its versatile. While its main purpose is for troop,medivac and cargo transport, it found other roles like gunship, search and rescue maritime patrol, etc.

(basically as adaptable as op)

3. I think it looks cool (im not an expert in these things so take it with a grain on salt)

But if there's other aircraft that'll fit him better, I'd love to hear it :D

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_C-130_Hercules

oh? Maybe.

Though I was thinking more of a Jet since He's a Seeker

[cupcakewebkinz]

hellooo you finally get to find out why i asked for shelly and vees outfit descriptions lol

(also a little sidenote i tend to hyperfixate super hard on aus / media in general that i think are cool for a little while and im pretty sure thats whats goin on here lol. when tisms collide /j)

OKAY SO UHHHH i had this idea like. a week ago atp? of like. what if the caretaker shanon versions of shelly and vee were actually in the game. and they had their own unique abilities and stuff

SO HERE THEY ARE :D (several sidenotes here- 1. i dont ever really do traditional art so some things look a little jank lol, and 2. i meant to finish these a couple days ago but it took a weirdly long time for me to get the sticky notes lol. OKOK HERES THE ART-)

OK SO THERES A LOT GOING ON HERE !! first off i based these two (mostly) off the early au events, mostly cuz the ideas i had for their abilities are generally referencing that era, so i thought itd be fitting

okay i. i wanna explain all the references in these cuz i think its really neat..

i dont think vees active ability needs explaining lol but her passive is inspired by her whole plot of learning to let herself explore the world more (more specifically that one fic where she finds the guitar, its where the name comes from)

👆 this is also what her trinkets from !! its shanons old guitar !!

"space nerd" skin is referencing the outfit post and how shes, well, a space nerd. "anxious proposal" is referencing the fic where vee proposes, and "rain walk" is referencing, well, their walk in the rain from the very beginning. (ykw the skins are kinda self explanatory too lol)

this wasnt intentional when i was picking which outfits to use for the skins, but i think they also contribute to the general theme of vee coming out of her shell here- new interests she was never supposed to have, love she wasnt supposed to feel, and a world she was never supposed to experience for herself. idk i think its neat :]c fuck you delilah

okay shellys abilities are something im also rlly proud of- her active is based on the og post and how much of a spectacle shelly was, and then how everyone chilled tf out after a while

i also rlly wanted to emphasize how much of a team player she is, and how much she does for her friends. her active isnt rlly great for distracting- its main purpose is to pull twisteds off of someone if theyre about to die/lose health, and her passive is also mainly to help out her teammates.

her trinket is also from the fic where vee finds the guitar! i knew i wanted it to be a dino plushie of some sort (to emphasize the previous pint, but also to add in her love of sewing) and i eventually decided itd be fitting to make it the little pterodactyl she made for vee in that fic :]

"surprise party" skin is from the birthday fic, "mama's girl" is from the mothers day fic (fun fact i used that pose so i didnt have to design the sweater LOL), and "expert digger" is from the outfit post, again all pretty self explanetory

and i think thats it !! just wanted to share this little idea, hope you have a great rest of your day/night/whatever ^^

DUDE I WENT WET BEAST MODE AND SCREAMED LIKE A BANSHEE THEN STARTED COUGHING LIKE MAD AND I THINK I LOST MY VOICE LOL

THIS IS LIKE- SO FUCKING COOL OH MY GOD-

I LOVE HOW MUCH OF SHANON IS IMPRINTED ON THESE TWO TOO- LIKE HER GUITAR- THE VALIDATION THEY BOTH FEEL FROM HER GENUINELY CARING- VEES FUCKING ABILITY OH MY GOLF CARTS I'M SPIRALLING-

(In the best way ofc)

MAMA'S BABY GIRL AWWGHGHGHGH-

SHE IS MAMA'S GIRL OHHHH MY GOOOOOOD

I'M SHAKING SO HARD SOMEONE HOLD ME

PLEASE

THE WAY THE EVERYTHING WORKS AND FITS THEM BOTH SO WELL

THE SMALL DETAILS LIKE THE HEART LOCKET ON SHELLY AND GLISTEN'S BOW ON VEE-

THEIR RINGS-

THE REFERENCES TO THINGS I DIDN'T EVEN THINK PEOPLE NOTICED-

I'M GOING TO EXPLODE I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS OH MY GOLFBALLS

DUDE THIS IS SICK I NEVER THOUGHT

I

I AM SPEECHLESS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D EVER INSPIRE ANYTHING LIKE THIS-

NO AMOUNT OF WORDS COULD EXPRESS HOW GRATEFUL I AM OH MY WORMS, I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, I LOVE ALL THE DETAILS AND I LOVE JUST- EVERYTHING- OUGH I'M SO FERAL

THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER MAN THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH I'M SERIOUSLY SHAKING FROM HOW FLATTERED I AM SOMEONE WOULD MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR ME-

OH MY BABIESSSSS

I'M SO FERAL RN I'M GOING TO GO ZOOMIES UNTIL I EXPLODE!!! /pos

[burningcheese-merchant]

"Avatar of Ruin" - BurningCheese Short #3

Got inspired while playing through Beast Raid and watching the little story cutscenes. There's an implication that Burning Spice is keeping tabs on Golden Cheese as she traverses Beast-Yeast, so I figured that, with this in mind, it stands to reason that he would've witnessed this particular event as well.

Also, fuck Expert Mode. Expert Mode can go suck rotten eggs. Give me the goddamn axe accessory already

'So that's what it looks like...'

Staring back at Burning Spice from within the misty reflection of his mirror was... something. Some great and terrible creature. Some snarling, spitting, red-faced, hulking monstrosity. A bizarre amalgamation of body parts that had no business being anywhere near each other. Tiger teeth, tiger paws, bird and pig feet. Golden armor plating on those far-too-big arms haphazardly stitched to its sides. A plume of scarlet feathers sprouting from its neck and pouring down its golden breastplate. Three heads: a boar on its right, a bird on its left, a tiger in the center - all wild-eyed and practically foaming at every mouth. And a long, tough pangolin tail protruding from its backside, as a final hideous touch.

The Wild Spices of old created this thing in Burning Spice's image, eh? He had no choice but to commend such unique artistry - and the spice-fueled madness he knew drove them to sculpt it in the first place. Fear, dread, aimless fury; he could sense all of these and more rolling off of the creature in waves, even through his mirror. Even on his throne, within his palace, so many miles away. He cared nothing for gestures of worship anymore; all empty and meaningless, as all life was without a touch of destruction and chaos to alleviate its monotony. But he could grant his approval towards this one, however... inaccurate it was, with regards to his appearance (he was much more handsome, for one). It was entertaining to watch. Very entertaining, indeed.

More entertaining still were the reactions of the spice warriors in its path. One ear-splitting bellow (or he had to assume; the mirror offered no sound) from the mouth of the tiger and the warriors cowered and flinched. One stomp of its feet and they all scattered, scrambling for refuge behind the surrounding rocks, desperate to put as much distance between them and what would likely go on to haunt their dreams forever as possible. One of the saffron buffalo scouts tripped while he fled and fell face first into the dirt - and Burning Spice laughed at him, harder than he's laughed at anything in a long time. He ought to command the Wild Spices to create more of these living tributes to his greatness, just so he can wake them up and watch them terrorize them all some more.

But his eyes eventually drifted away from the fool squirming in the dirt and back towards the monster. To the person standing just before it. The cruel, mocking grin he wore softened, melting into a dreamy smile.

Most entertaining of all was the beautiful little bird standing her ground against the creature, raising her spear towards it in stone-faced defiance.

On one side of her was the elder kulfi, his eyes wide and dark with worry; on the other, her hooded subordinate, an eerie purple flame crackling within the eye of his staff. He seemed apprehensive, confused... but resolute nevertheless. Ready and willing to follow his queen's lead.

Burning Spice's smile faltered for a moment, but quickly returned when he saw Golden Cheese take a strong step forward and adopt a fighting stance. None of those fools mattered. They weren't worth a single blink of his eye. His true entertainment would come from this monster, this demon, this affront to creation itself, and its battle against the little bird who dared to challenge its power.

She fought beautifully. Gracefully. With such elegance and poise, and such precise brutality in perfect contrast, that it dazzled him. Her subordinate fought alongside her, casting spells and landing a hit or two of his own - but Burning Spice didn't care about that. Magic was a coward's tool. No, he cared about the way Golden Cheese flew all around the monster's head and body, weaving through the gaps and flapping her wings in such a way as to try to disorient it. Every hard swing of the flaming swords it brandished was met with either swift evasion or an expert parry. Stabs and thrusts would follow each and every time. Carving into its flesh. Tearing holes in its armor, dismantling it little by little. Blood and smoke gushed from each and every wound, its movements growing more erratic and easy to counter as it slowly succumbed to its injuries.

Eventually, it collapsed, crumpling to the ground with a thud that sent a light shockwave through the earth. The hooded man knelt a ways away, panting, using his staff to maintain his balance - and Golden Cheese stood atop the monster's corpse, digging her foot straight into a gash in its temple and raising her spear triumphantly.

Burning Spice chuckled. 'Woman after my own heart...'

The spice warriors - the ones that stuck around - slowly came out of hiding and gazed upon the mutilated remains of that dreaded beast in shock and awe. A cloud of smoke suddenly enveloped its body, shrouding both it and Golden Cheese; a moment later, it dissipated releasing her back into the world... and with her, in her hand, a single red pepper. And nothing else at all.

Had it been fashioned entirely from this one pepper? Was that all that lay waiting within the depths of its fractured soul? Disappointing.

Golden Cheese stood tall and proud, beaming at all those who now surrounded her. She raised the pepper high for them to see; what she said to them, he couldn't tell, but even so, he could sense her overwhelming confidence. She must be giving them a heroic speech of some sort, if the relaxing of their postures and the looks of cautious relief - and joy, if anyone of them dared to admit it - told him anything.

Was Burning Spice upset that this monument to his power had been destroyed so easily? Absolutely.

Was Burning Spice furious at the spice warriors, both those who threw down their weapons and fled, and those who stayed and cowered while their enemy dealt with their problems for them? Beyond the shadow of a doubt.

Was he still deeply impressed with Golden Cheese's effort? Did he still enjoy himself watching her smite this abomination? Did his heart skip a beat when she thrust her spear into its throat, strong and determined, dealing the killing blow?

Was Burning Spice still completely, utterly smitten with her? Even more so now, after bearing witness to the great battle prowess he'd always known she possessed?

Fuck yes.

He reached over and touched the mirror, lovingly tracing the outline of Golden Cheese's face with his finger. He kept lingering on her lips, on her smile. That gorgeous, radiant smile.

To the victor go the spoils... And a single little pepper simply wouldn't do, now would it? Burning Spice will happily rectify this, and soon. Very, very soon.

He'll give her a real showdown. Put her skills to a much more difficult test. Make her wish this little avatar had struck her down while the chance still existed.

And then he'll take her into his arms and kiss the ever-loving hell out of her, as another grand prize for her previous victory, and to finally satisfy his eons-old craving that only seized him harder as he watched her go.

[commodorez]

If the Commodore 64 is great, where is the Commodore 65?

It sits in the pile with the rest of history's pre-production computers that never made it. It's been awhile since I went on a Commodore 65 rant...

The successor to the C64 is the C128, arguably the pinnacle of 8-bit computers. It has 3 modes: native C128 mode with 2MHz 8502, backwards compatible C64 mode, and CP/M mode using a 4MHz Z80. Dual video output in 40-column mode with sprites plus a second output in 80-column mode. Feature-rich BASIC, built in ROM monitor, numpad, 128K of RAM, and of course a SID chip. For 1985, it was one of the last hurrahs of 8-bit computing that wasn't meant to be a budget/bargain bin option.

For the Amiga was taking center stage at Commodore -- the 16-bit age is here! And its initial market performance wasn't great, they were having a hard time selling its advanced capabilities. The Amiga platform took time to really build up momentum square in the face of the rising dominance of the IBM PC compatible. And the Amiga lost (don't tell the hardcore Amiga fanboys, they're still in denial).

However, before Commodore went bankrupt in '94, someone planned and designed another successor to the C64. It was supposed to be backwards compatible with C64, while also evolving on that lineage, moving to a CSG 4510 R3 at 3.54MHz (a fancy CMOS 6502 variant based on a subprocessor out of an Amiga serial port card). 128K of RAM (again) supposedly expandable to 1MB, 256X more colors, higher resolution, integrated 3½" floppy not unlike the 1581. Bitplane modes, DAT modes, Blitter modes -- all stuff that at one time was a big deal for rapid graphics operations, but nothing that an Amiga couldn't already do (if you're a C65 expert who isn't mad at me yet, feel free to correct me here).

The problem is that nobody wanted this.

Sure, Apple had released the IIgs in 1986, but that had both the backwards compatibility of an Apple II and a 16-bit 65C816 processor -- not some half-baked 6502 on gas station pills. Plus, by the time the C65 was in heavy development it was 1991. Way too late for the rapidly evolving landscape of the consumer computer market. It would be cancelled later that same year.

I realize that Commodore was also still selling the C64 well into 1994 when they closed up shop, but that was more of a desperation measure to keep cash flowing, even if it was way behind the curve by that point (remember, when the C64 was new it was a powerful, affordable machine for 1982). It was free money on an established product that was cheap to make, whereas the C65 would have been this new and expensive machine to produce and sell that would have been obsolete from the first day it hit store shelves. Never mind the dismal state of Commodore's marketing team post-Tramiel.

Internally, the guy working on the C65 was someone off in the corner who didn't work well with others while 3rd generation Amiga development was underway. The other engineers didn't have much faith in the idea.

The C65 has acquired a hype of "the machine that totally would have saved Commodore, guise!!!!1!11!!!111" -- saved nothing. If you want better what-if's from Commodore, you need to look to the C900 series UNIX machine, or the CLCD. Unlike those machines which only have a handful of surviving examples (like 3 or 4 CLCDs?), the C65 had several hundred, possibly as many as 2000 pre-production units made and sent out to software development houses. However many got out there, no software appears to have surfaced, and only a handful of complete examples of a C65 have entered the hands of collectors. Meaning if you have one, it's probably buggy and you have no software to run on it. Thus, what experience are you recapturing? Vaporware?

The myth of the C65 and what could have been persists nonetheless. I'm aware of 3 modern projects that have tried to take the throne from the Commodore 64, doing many things that sound similar to the Commodore 65.

The Foenix Retro Systems F256K:

The 8-Bit Guy's Commander X16

The MEGA65 (not my picture)

The last of which is an incredibly faithful open-source visual copy of the C65, where as the other projects are one-off's by dedicated individuals (and when referring to the X16, I don't mean David Murray as he's not the one doing the major design work).

I don't mean to belittle the effort people have put forth into such complicated projects, it's just not what I would have built. In 2019, I had the opportunity to meet the 8-Bit Guy and see the early X16 prototype. I didn't really see the appeal, and neither did David see the appeal of my homebrew, the Cactus.

Build your own computer, build a replica computer. I encourage you to build what you want, it can be a rewarding experience. Just remember that the C65 was probably never going to dig Commodore out of the financial hole they had dug for themselves.

[pizzaboat]

Eda Clawthorne and BPD

Eda is a character I never really associated with something like BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) until I’d done more research on the disorder myself. Initially, I’d had a one size fits all idea in my mind for what a manifestation of BPD could look like.

But after finishing the Owl House in its entirety, and dispelling some of my ignorance around the topic I’ve come to the headcanon that Eda has BPD.

So to start, what I understand about BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder) is that it’s a personality disorder belonging to the cluster B section in the DSM-5.

It’s generally described that people living with it, might engage in risky/self harming behaviour, have an intense fear of abandonment, struggle with addiction, and have unstable/turbulent relationships with others. People with BPD also struggle with an intense feeling of internalised shame and numbness.

BPD usually manifests after some sort of prolonged mental abuse/physical abuse/sexual abuse/ psychological abuse or trauma, and that usually happens in childhood.

Well, what does any of that have to do with Eda? How does her character link in any way to what I've described? Let’s go through it;

(I’m not an expert, this is just a headcanon that I use to look at Eda)

Addiction/Substance Abuse

Eda is implied to be an alcoholic in the show. Apple blood, her infamous favourite drink, is often used as a stand-in or a direct reference to the topic of intoxication or turning to the bottle to cope with big feelings.

Proof of apple blood being an alcohol signal can be when Luz mentions in early S2, that Eda was hard to get off the roof after she drank too much apple blood, implying she became irrational and unreasonable after drinking too much.

Another example is when Eda was seen in a tavern in Eda’s Requiem, she canonically has a large and unpaid tab in that tavern, and was drinking apple blood (from a juice box) while lamenting about the current events of her life.

A scene like that is a heavy reference to the trope of getting drunk and venting to your local bartender that can be seen in a lot of movies and tv-shows.

Eda is also potentially implied to have Depression during the show and is typically grumpy/unapproachable before her first drink, early in the morning.

I’ve headcanons before that Eda uses Apple Blood to self medicate her mood after the implications in season 2 that she is drinking more heavily (the joke about the roof, her chasing free appleblood, drinking in the tavern when she’s sad), and after season1, and during all of season 2 her mental health had taken a clear nose dive after traumatic events and perceived abandonments.

I also mentioned that people with BPD struggle with a feeling of emptiness and numbness, and Eda’s low and irritable mood could be interpreted as coming from a place of feeling hollow. (That’s my headcanon).

Addiction is also considered a risky/self harming behaviour, which leads me to my next point.

Risky/Self Harming behaviours

Eda is an impulsive and risk taking person, that usually contributes to a pretty popular ADHD headcanon for her character, but I’d also like to argue that her risk taking behaviour could also be a sign of BPD, as it typically leads her to dangerous or life threatening situations, often on purpose.

A small example of this is when searching for titan blood, she pushes herself in front of a laser beam and urges King to shoot her with it to trigger her harpy powers. In that episode she was struggling to go harpy mode;

And the episode before that, Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door, she was shown depriving herself of sleep and worrying about not being ready for the day of unity. Eda had proved she was anxious to be ready and willing to hurt herself to be so, stemming from an internal feeling of frustration and worthlessness because she didn’t have what she needed to be ready.

In the cave, I think her action to jump in front of the laser, disguising her actions as a childish and silly request of bone-headedness was her hiding her self-destructive instincts and inner frustration in plain sight.

Her risky behaviours are driven by a deep self hatred and that leads me to her most risky action of all…

Fear of Abandonment

When Eda overhears the kids talking about telling her something, she spirals and assumes the worst. She spends that episode devaluing herself, trying to self-soothe with apple blood, and distancing herself from the kids in response to her assumption that they only have the worst news for her.

Luz is leaving and King wants to live with his dad.

She spends the day living out what appears to be a fantasy with Raine, where she is ‘Mama Eda’ to the younger BATTs members and she and Raine are playfully dancing around each other with some not so subtle flirting. It resembles a family life, where her and Raine are married, or atleast happily together, and the BATTs are like her very own kids that need her.

(it’s key to point out that Raine did most of the heavy flirting and was active, while Eda just bathed herself in the situation. Likely because while it was what she wanted, she’d also expressed earlier in the episode that she felt everyone left her in the end and all good things ended).

When this fanasy/substition falls through and the rebellion is busted, her and Raine play a murder-suicide duet attempt together, where Raine then learns that there’s more to the story than Eda is letting on, and that she isn’t just being motivated to do the heroic thing because she has nothing to lose.

Raine clearly realises Eda is trying to die because she has something to lose, and she assumes she is losing it. Dying to Eda is less painful and scary than being abandoned again.

I mentioned that childhood trauma/abuse can cause BPD to develop, and I’d argue that having a curse that caused the people she loved to leave her because she pushed them away, or because it seemed like her curse made her too monstrous to love, is pretty traumatising.

And that fear of abandonment predates even the curse, as it was revealed in the flashback episode where her and Raine met, that Eda had no friends, was ostracised by her teachers/principle and that she was terrified of being separate from Lilith; her only friend. Eda didn't know what an expulsion would mean for their relationship, if Lilith would still be her best friend, or if Lilith progressed onwards without her, would she abandon Eda?

Well, that worry was validated when it was revealed their sister relationship fell apart sometime between their late teens and mid-forties, when Lilith is introduced as Eda’s rival and Eda’s expression is stormy when she first sees Lilith on screen, it’s laos important to note that Lilith attacked first at the convention with her words, and Eda, having some very stormy feelings about her sister, responds to the greeting by cutting Lilith down in front of young fans in a way she knows will rile up her sister.

She basically attacks Lilith’s mask by mentioning that Lilith peed herself at a convention as a kid, and then proceeds to act childish in Lilith’s presence to wind her up and prove to Lilith that she is no better than Eda and that she’s not changed a bit since they were kids where it counts, according to Lilith.

We don’t know what caused Eda and Lilith to feud like this, but it can be assumed that LIlith joining a coven that allows only two days off a year made Eda feel like she was abandoned by her sister in some of the worst years of her life, by the person she once called her best friend.

The breakdown of such an important relationship would be upsetting to anyone, but to Eda, in the situation she was in, that would have to be further traumatising.

To add to the familial issues, Eda has issues with Gwen.

The entirety of keeping up a-fear-ances was about how gwen had failed both her daughters, but for this post, it’s that Gwen treated the curse, something so integral to Eda and her life at this point, something that Eda cannot change or separate herself from, like something her mom needed to cure her of.

To eradicate. So much so that she disregarded Eda’s bodily autonomy and safety at multiple points in just one episode and caused Eda to snap. She scared Eda into running away as a teenager, and she had to apologise to Eda in that episode for making her daughter feel like she didn’t love her. “I love every part of you.” - to paraphrase what Gwen said.

It’s not hard to imagine that feeling like your own mother would rather risk your health and happiness, disregard your wishes and try to remove an unremovable part of your person, would make you feel more unlovable and broken than you already feel.

I’m sure that this contributed to Eda’s fear of abandonment and would help cultivate the already existing internal shame she feels just for existing next to her loved ones and feeling like she’s not good enough to be in their lives because all she does is hurt them.

Yup, this is setting up my next point…

Shame/Low Sense of Self-Worth

Proof that Eda’s self-worth is low and her inner shame is high comes from how she treats her kids and her father. Eda struggles to look at people she feels she’s let down. While some individuals with BPD might do everything to avoid abandonment, Eda tends to abandon people first and devalues herself in the process, convincing herself she doesn’t deserve to fight for them or be in their company.

Her inner shame mostly stems from how she handles her curse, its impact on her life, and her past relationships. With Luz and King, she initially keeps up a protective wall and avoids physical affection. When she believes they are leaving her, she justifies her suicidal thoughts to Raine by denying her role as their "mother," revealing her deep-seated belief that she's unworthy of such a title.

Despite considering them her children, Eda questions her ability to be a suitable mother figure, expressing doubts about her worthiness. It takes reassurance from Raine for Eda to begin to accept that she is needed and, consequently, good enough.

Her relationship with Dell, though mentioned sparingly, has left lasting scars. Eda blames herself for hurting him and struggles to forgive herself, even when her father asks her to move on from the past.

In Knock Knock-Knocking on Hooty’s Door, Eda implies that she is haunted by nightmares of her breakup with Raine, blaming herself entirely for their breakup. This implied consistent rumination suggests that she feels responsible for every abandonment and rejection she has experienced, exacerbating her inner shame.

Raine was likely the last stable influence in Eda’s life, and her breakup further solidified Eda’s belief that she is the cause of her own abandonment. This cycle of self-blame and perceived rejection has left lasting mental scars, reinforcing Eda’s sense of brokenness and perpetuating her feelings of endless abandonment.

By examining Eda’s behaviour and internal struggles, it becomes evident that her shame and low sense of self-worth are deeply ingrained, shaping her relationships and interactions throughout the series.

Splitting

I can’t really talk about a BPD headcanon without mentioning its most famous feature. Splitting, from what I understand, is when a person's mood, sense of self, or perception of others shifts dramatically in the other direction in response to a threat, stressor, or trigger.

It might not just look like, “I like this person.” “Now I hate this person.” It can manifest as more dynamic, extreme black-and-white thinking, where something is either all or nothing:

“She always does this.”

“He never does that.”

“Things always go wrong.”

“This always goes right.”

The black-and-white thinking can be either positive or negative and can even be about a person's own self. And this is where my headcanon goes a bit shaky, because all I really have to go off of is Eda’s initial attitude of “We weirdos stick together,” and then how she switches those ideals up when she’s devaluing herself and her importance within the relationships she has with friends and family.

This is particularly evident with the kids and her extreme and impulsive suicide attempt, where I get this feeling of “I’m not good enough, and I will never be good enough.” off of her.

She also changes her mood with Lilith very quickly during the season 1 finale. A few minutes ago, she was ready to kill her sister and saw her as the most vile person she’d ever met. The next minute, she is letting her sister back into her house and wanting a relationship with her again after she split the curse.

There is this kind of emotional impermanence where she forgives Lilith and goes straight back to wanting to be friends with her at a speed and level that isn’t common at all. No matter what is done to Eda, she seems to bounce back quickly, no matter how badly she’s hurt in the end.

That's all I've really got for that, to be honest. If I find more that explores this idea better, I will probably make a post about it.

Conclusion

I think that turbulent relationships, a massive fear of abandonment, risky and impulsive behaviours and high shame/low self esteem are key parts of Eda’s character and that’s why I headcanon her to have BPD(borderline personality disorder.)

[sonknuxadow]

MARIA ?????

ok i heard there was special dialogue in expert mode but i dont actually feel like playing expert mode right now so im just gonna look up what it is and listen to it

[yuuainnie]

I just read your Midnight Masquerade Ball, and loved that story. I was wondering if I could request an Ortho x Reader, kind of like the ghost Ortho in that story. Like maybe after the events of Chapter 6, Ortho’s ghost was able to follow the Reader back to Ramshackle? Romantic please if you don’t mind. 🙏🏻💖

Midnight Masquerade Ball

[ Ortho? route : Sequel unlocked ]

Time setting: Book 6

the event with the magic mirror have been months ago, and you barely remember that it happened. Beside you thought it's just idia updating new things to Ortho processor that's why he don't remember why under the safe mode and whatnot.

But after some event where you encounter over blot of almost all dorm leader. You who hangout with the shroud when deuce and ace are in their dorm suddenly look at the two brothers while eating chips.

"At this point I'm not surprised if you two overblot. Its trending for house warden after all."

"... Yuuchi can you not curse us like that?! Don't raise death flag! You don't understand how serious that matter of blot is! It's a rare occurrence too!" Somehow idia words made you wonder how come his sounding like someone who's quite expert with such topic.

"Ahaha. If that's the case, here yuu~" Ortho laugh as he think that your words seems quite interesting, but then give you an black ID card. "If that ever happened this would be useful then.".

" O-ortho... Is that... Why are you giving yuuchi that card?!"

"Is it the famous black credit card that can pay for anything."

"Nope."

"Boring. Not interested then." Even so your joking about the black credit card. Ortho still give you the card and you have no choice but take it and made it to a bookmark for the potion class, then proceed to forget about it. You don't really think much about it. Till one day, grim and every people that overblot have been kidnapped. It was something...

" MY HOUSE! MY HOUSE I WORK MY ASS OFF!!" You cried dramatically, with full tears as you look at your broken wall and broken roof. Those blood bastards can't just ask nicely and not destroy your place? Good things never last!! Fuel by the thought that you will get grim back as well get some money to pay for your house you went to look for the culprit and found yourself in the island of whore... Cough island of woe. Or land of grief.

When you arrive in the island, you were welcome by Ortho and idia. "Welcome yuu~ " Ortho wave at your direction and you wave back at him. But then remember that it's his family robots that cause your dorm to be destroyed again. You scoff, look at the two brothers with bombastic side eyes, criminals offensive side eyes and then look away. So dramatic, so perfect.

"Ahaha. Yuu is really funny nii-san." The robot android laugh at your reaction as he whisper this to his older brother, as idia sigh. Idia then ask Rook and Epel for their reason to be in the land of grief and it was for Vil skin routine. To be honest, it's very understandable as you live a few days with Vil because of event last time.

"What about you Yuu-chi why do you want to go here?" Idia stared at you, through he already have a small guess why you wanna go here. "Want to groom Grim? Or give him his car food? Ahaha."

"..." You don't reply and only give them a cold glare, you then proceed to take our your calculator and notebook. "According to my calculations, the rooftop would cause —" you start to count the billing amount that needed for be paid for the damage, he stared at you in shock as you went out of script.

"— then there's grim cat food that get destroyed. It's very expensive, you need to buy it for me, I need 10 of the amount cause you made me experience emotional damage. It's bad you know?" Obviously you will try to swindle em out of cat food money.

"Wait wait am I talking to Yuuchi or Azulchi?! Why you making me pay for things the organization don't even destroyed? Swindle in board daylight!? And here I thought those things only happens in anime!!" idia quickly catch on your drift and you can only click you tongue in disappointment.

"Nii-san, it's a rare occurrence that yuu can visit our home. Maybe we can have a tour of our place~ "

"geez. I already told earlier that this isn't a tourist place to begin with. "

"Does this include free food."

"Yup~"

"ok." Your a very simple person. Ortho proceed to tour you, Epel, and rook around the place. At least to the safe places before going to what seems to be a meeting room of super heroes with how techno advance it look. After the tour and after Rook give the beauty product, you guys were given a room to stay for a bit. While you were enjoying you stay in the room, you heard someone calling for you.

"Yuu~" it sound like Ortho... Kinda. Sound like Ortho who hit adolescent or something. Or if could be a ghost! "Hmm what. " You were currently connected to the organization wifi because Ortho seems to think that you won't have anyone to tell them off too or won't even think of doing so. Beside his right, and your going to do your daily when this voice start to bug you.

"Yuu~" the voice called again as you tried to concentrate on the game your playing. You already saw your character died in the mobile game 5vs5 and then saw your game turn into losing when when the voice keep bugging you. Even flat out laugh at you.

"The enemy was hiding behind the bush."

"..."

"Use your third skill to help you ally.... Ahah. Why did you froze yuu? Now you died in game ~ big brother would laugh at such simple mistake ~"

"shut up!!!" You finally snap after the voice seems to not shut up at all. You look around the room and found no Ortho. You froze. You honestly thought Ortho was with you, at least that's what you mind told you even so you don't hear the door open at all.

But Ortho can unlock it since his an Android of this place... Many things run in your mind but it stop when you saw the door open and you saw flaming hair run out the hallway.

"Oh.... Am I supposed to chase him..." You wonder if your a cannon fodder in horror show if you did that, but then again remembering the things you been through those months. Something like horror most been easy mode for you ,who live with ghosts.

You sigh as you went out of the room and chase the figure as you thought that Ortho seems to want to play with you. As you follow him, you went down to a place like an underground of some old temple or something.

"Why you making me go to a classic horror B plot. This is not very cool." You commented to no one. You heard a giggle in the darkness as you walk down the stairs. "then why did you still follow if you knew that will be the case?" You heard Ortho? Reply in the deepest part of this place.

"Well, I have nothing better to do. And I know you brothers very well..." At least to some extent that Idia is all bark at most cases. And Ortho won't do anything his brother won't want.

".... Do you really ?" It seems that Ortho? Took a while to say those words. As you arrive in the ground floor. You heard the sound of grief coming from the hole. It's seems to be full of phantom or ghost or both. "Ah. That hole looks very dangerous... Very Dangerous..." You mumble going near the said covered hole.

"Yuu~ your quite idiotic don't you know?" A chuckle rang out of the covered hole. Before phantom inked hands come out and reach out toward you, same type of inked hands held your legs, enabling you from running away as a ink like creature seems to sip out of the covered hole.

".........." You were too shock to move and can only stare at the golden eyes that stared at you as the first set of phantom ink hands reach to hold your right hand and give it a soft kiss on the back of your palm. "Cheesy." Was the words you left out after the gentleman like miss from this phantom.

" Ahaha. Yuu~ your really interesting. Usually people would scream from fright or faint don't you think?" Ortho? Seems to enjoy your reaction but you can't really see his face, only his eyes.

"Who said I'm not frightened? Ah. My processor takes a long time to process my fear. I probably would faint any minute now." You rolled your eyes, making a haft joke statement— at least that's what you thinking as your brain finally realize the scenario. You fainted and your body fall toward the phantom because of gravity.

When your body get expose to more of the phantom ink, a bit of it start to become cold. But it's not noticeable as Ortho? Poke your unconscious form. "People of another world are really something else..." He seems to think about what to do with you.

.

.

When you open your eyes, you found yourself in white place. It's so bright, discord light mode is embarrassed. You look around the place and saw the same version of Ortho you saw from the masquerade ball a few months back.

"Prefect Yuu~" Ortho? Called out to you and you stared at him. Looking like a hawk looking at it's prey or an eye candy.

"Wow the genes of shroud sure is something else." You shamelessly compliment him. His quite good looking. Or at least that's what your mind telling you, this is probably a weird ass dream.

Usually in dreams you cant look at something far too long or it be distorted but you been looking at Ortho? For a while and he seems to stay as he is. Smiling while looking at you.

"...oh. This isn't a dream... I most be dead then." Your quite a optimistic (not) "not yet, it's called spirited away ~" he chime in. Sometimes he wonder just how think things so simple. But then again he remembers how you tease him when you two finally meet. It's really... Been a while.

"Oh. Are you H*ku and I'm ch*hiro then?" You made some illegal reference to a brand that's not sponsored and not related to Disney.

"What's that."

"Nothing." You quickly change the topic before you get lawsuit. "So what now?" You wonder why your spirited away by Ortho? To begin with. Now that you think about it. How come there's this Ortho and there's an Android Ortho? "Are you twins with android Ortho." You unconsciously ask out loud.

"Nope. My brother made him after I died. He was quite depress."

"........" This guy just said the most depressing thing and he still smile a out it. "Oh." You don't know what to say at least. What can you really say to a dead person? It's not like you can say condolences, it's an event from years back before you were here.

And thinking about what happened to earlier and what android Ortho said "or you'll end up like me."

When talking about phantom frozen in the eyes. His death probably cause by phantom. Basing that shroud family seems to run an organization for blots.

He probably died when young, hence the young looking appearance of android Ortho. ... Still what does it mean if you manage to solve the possible reason of his death and whatnot? You can't really say anything to a ghost to comfort about something like that, now can't you?

Wait ghost... Ghost... Evil spirit ... Hmmm.. why does that sound familiar.

..

"AHHH YOUR THE ONE WHO CAUSE ME TO BE SICK AND FORCE TO DRINK THOSE HORRIBLE MEDICINE!!" You pointed at him like it's the worse criminal and the worse offense he have done to you.

"But those medicine are really good for you, Yuu."

"Say that to my face if you can drink it with a straight face."

"..." It seems that he also can't drink it and have horrible memories of it. It most been one of his medicine he drink when his still alive. "Sorry." He apologize to you.

"Sorry too. I don't mean to yell." You felt bad when he apologize to you. "It's ok, I can see your point. Beside what can I help out with the shroud little ghost prince?" You don't get why he dragged you to be spirited away, based on the understanding on the event. There's probably a war going on the surface.

"I learn that Prefect Yuu is one of those helpful people in the world of twisted wonderland. Helping those who experience blot..." He start to flatter you with compliment you wonder what he wants from you really. "... Being compliment by a handsome guy makes me embarrassed." You honestly don't know what to say. Even so you know he probably will ask a favor from you. It's still not normal to get good words from good looking people.

Especially in this world. They rather talk shit in front of you than say something good. If they did, it's not cause one want to escape being punish by their dorm leader ( Ace) "ahaha. Seeing Prefect Yuu embarrassed is quite a cute sight. I can see why you want to tease Ortho before." Laughing seems so normal for him as you always hear it.

"Hmm. Well I like to tease your brother too cause your flame hair looks very cool with how it change color based on what you felt." You who been around the shroud have finally discovered the amazing hair color that will happen if trigger by emotion. It's quite funny. Idia doesn't think your funny when your deliberately do it through but doesn't say much cause your quite shameless and you three are quite close. "I don't see why you have to tease me to see my reaction. I don't think I look that funny to be an amusing sight." You sigh.

"Well I want to see your reaction Yuu, since this one of the rare occurrence I can see you face to face... At least as face to face as I can get." The white space around you two change into idia room. You look around and wonder if it's just and illusion or not. "I can only watch you from afar... I always wish that this day would come faster... " He reach out to you, you look at his hand that seems to be melting into ink, you reach out to intertwined your hand with him, his hand are cold and sticky cause of the ink. But he seems real enough to be called a ghost. "Ah. I have stalker... " You laugh as you take what you understand what he mean by that. He was taken back by what you take on what he just said, a bit of his hair have turn pink. "Little stalker, did you watch me all the time? Like watch me without privacy? Ah, you don't happen to be one of those ghost who—"

"no!! I don't d-do that... " His hair have turn pink now because of what you just said. The smile on your face seems so annoying to him as you began to counter his approach to you. He tried to move his hand away to hide his face but you refuse to let go of him. You shamelessly held his other hand to make sure he will not hide his face that seems to be so embarrassed and really cute sight to see.

"How would I believe you? The Ortho I know keep telling me about how my browser history is going to hell bound me. Since Ortho is probably based on you. Your probably worse." You were just bluffing, at least you wish you were. Android Ortho did peak on your browser history one time since you connected on their dorm wifi and he get curious what type of things you like to make sure he can be a good host. What he saw open his eyes and realize that you really are something else.

"I-im not... Geez... Ortho really..." He mumble to himself as if cursing his other brother about putting him in such situations. You think it's quite adorable he think android Ortho seems be treated as family still by original Ortho. "Hmm. I was just kidding. " You think teasing him might make him explode, you about to let go of his hand but he unconsciously refuse to let you go.

"Prefect... Don't let go yet..." He seems like a puppy that being bullied, by taking his favorite away. Holding the hand of the living, it felt weird but it's nice. He don't want to let go. Especially that he have limited time to do so. "Ah...fine." seeing how he acting pitiful like begging you to continue to held his hand. It made your heard ( ba-bump ) and flustered because your quite weak to good looking people.

You two stayed in a situation of just holding each other hand, you really wonder what he wanted from you. At least you know that you only meet him once. but he seems to know you very well. "Ortho..." You wanted to ask him something when his hand slowly let go of yours. "Yuu... I wanted to spend more time like this with you... But it seems my plan did not work... " He mumble, his eyes full of sadness.

"I-... " He wanted to say something but can't find himself to say it. He wonder if saying it will do anything. He believes that his just wasting his time, wasting his limited resources to do something selfish. But... This was the only time where the two of you are in a close approximate. Because his soul is in the underworld and you whos sleeping beside the gate of underworld, made him take the chances of being able to meet you again.

Even so, his older brother who have saw your almost cold body sleeping peacefully almost breathless begone to worry, even when the good guys want to save you who seems to enter a deep slumber. Where your soul is not within your body. Because he taken it to spend time with you, because of being selfish to spend more time with you.

He can't understand his self. His not living, why is he infuriating with a living that don't even belong in this world...

Maybe, maybe because you don't belong in this world. If your time have run out... You won't be able to meet him in the underworld. Because your soul doesn't belong to this world. Because this might the only chance he can get. Many thoughts comes in his mind, his form melted even more into ink.

"You like me?" You blurted out what he wanted to say. He found himself meek. He can only nod because he can't find his voice to say anything.

"Ohhhh... " You don't actually think he would agree in your question. Now you found yourself even more embarrassed. The sound of your heart seems to be so loud. "A-ahm.. i-is t-thats s-so... " You start to shutter on your words. You really don't know what to say. You want to question him why he even like you. There's not much to like about you.

"Ortho have told me, lot of things about you, I become curious and look at you who always hang out with Ortho and big brother...." He stared straight to your eyes.

"I wonder what's about you that made my big brother comfortable to open his heart to befriend someone, to spend time with someone that's his family.... I was worried and wanted to see you for myself that's why I appear before you in the masquerade ball. But I found myself deep in a trenches... " Staring at you, he can't help but feel even more sad. Because what he feel is impossible, the story of the two of you will not end in such happy ending because you are of the living and from another world. And he, who's time have long run out and can only roam the underworld. Belong to this world and lock In this pit of abyss. There's no escape. There's no chances, there's no miracle. There's no love story for a villain and selfish one.

He thought as he realize your slowly waking up. Leaving him from this place. Time is running out. If there's no more chances like this. He will take each of second as he can to the fullest and be swallowed in an illusion made by this moment for eternity in this lonely abyss.

"Yuu of another world. " He begin. "I found myself falling for living being like you." He finally confess. He saw your feet is slowly fading, you don't seems to notice as you were mesmerize by him. "C-can I ask if I c-can k-kiss you...!?" Since there might no chances like this. He is going to be shameless.

"O-oh... O-ok...!" You don't actually process what his saying as you are hearing yelling of multiple voices to weak up. But since you agreed. He smiled and reach to give a kiss, you were taken back the feeling of something against your lips but you can't response back as he back away and say "

I wish I can spend more time with you... But it's good bye for now, Yuu... I love you, please take care of my brothers~" There's a sad smile on his face as you finally fade from that place and your soul return to your body. When you disappear from in front of him, the illusion disappear, his form distorted into a monster, into a phantom. Yet for a monster his tears seems to be falling like his human when his not.

... You wake up and realize you were sleeping for a while. Idia have found you unconscious, his brother told him, the underworld have swallowed your soul. They have to open the gate and take your soul from the underworld or else you'll be stuck and die. His brother lied to him. Telling it was the underworld fault when it was him who did it. His brother believe him, there was a fight but when he found himself defeated like a final boss, others have questions him where did you go and he told him.

Your soul have been spirited away to the underworld and his trying to free you ( as well his dead brother who have turn into a phantom, to complete his family) now that the underworld have been close, he wonder if you can still wake up. The time you spend in the underworld is only a few minutes, but in the real world it was days that have been pass. The only reason why you wake up was because Ortho have let you go back, he don't want to see his big brother in distress.

"Yuuchi that's very uncool of you to sleep like your some sleeping beauty. But let's just ask where's the other part of the sentence on you?hihihi." Idia laugh as he try to act tough again. His happy to see that your awake. "So what did Yuu dream about?" Ortho ask you who's lying on the bed, sick once again because of what happened. You felt very weak, so dreadful. You felt like dying is better than drinking those bitter medicine Ortho want to feed you or the feeling that makes you uncomfortable.

"A handsome guy confess to me and kiss me." You told them. They both look at you like you said the most big ass lie in the world. "sureeeee.... You should drink more medicine. I think your brain have been little moldy..." Ortho pat your head.

"I thought only normies that's age of a young children dream such fairy tale. Ehehe... What a laughable thing to say Prefect." Idia saw this a time to tease you. You can only frown and smack Ortho hand away. Those bastard did not believe you! "You two are really mean!!" You pout, you want to return those bastard of a friend who don't believe that dream is real. But there's no refund at all. Your stuck with them. You heard a third giggle in the room. You froze you look at the two who seems to saw how your looking like you see a ghost.

"What's wrong Yuu? Did you see the dream prince charming of you? Still not fully awake? Ahaha..." That Idia is making fun of you but your eyes went to the person laughing between him and Ortho. "......................" You long stare and silent while looking at the air between him and his brother made idia freak out thinking your looking at something they can't see.

"W-wait.. w-wait... Y-you... T-theres..." Idia is too scared to turn around. "Where? Is there supposed to be someone here?" Ortho look but can't see what you see. It made the spirit or whatnot your looking at smile in amusement, and even went to blow wind to the back of his older brother neck. "GHAYYYYY W-WHAT WAS THAT!?" Idia scream like a chicken, and went to hide behind you, who's shorter than him.

"Y-YUU WHAT WAS THAT?!" He shakes you. It's very uncool of him but he can't see makes him unable to justify what he should treat the entity. "My prince charming." You smiled. "His going to bully you cause you bullying me " you jested. The phantom chuckle, he doesn't disagree in your words.

"Yuu is the reason you get spirited away was because a soul from the underworld have fallen for you? That's very an odd story. What a rare case." Ortho wonder who's this ghost. Idia who's hiding behind you tried to calm down by thinking it's just a plot of a novel. Just as he think that. He wonder what type of person that's inside the gate of underworld can take your soul aways quite freely. As far he knows the only people who can access the gate is from his family—

"....." He suddenly realize something, he stop hiding from behind you. He went to where he was standing before, where your looking at, looking at the ghost who's looking at his living big brother who tried to find where the soul of his brother is standing at. "Could it be..." He wanted to know but he can't see what you see. He wonder if your lying but he don't want to think it's a lie. He don't want to believe what you said is a lie. He want to believe in a lie because he still want to spend more time with both his brothers.

"O-ortho..." He called out to the ghost who walks pass him without knowing and seat beside in your bed looking amuse at his brother who thought his talking to him. He seems quite entertain. "Ah, the one who spirited away Yuu is phantom Ortho..." The android suddenly understand. He seems to not think the situation is odd. He felt it's just matter of time. It seems that the brothers have similarity to this extent.

He thought while looking at you and his older brother who's sobbing and talking about something to the ghost Ortho. You long have rest back to the soft pillows. It was the rare chance you can take the whole bed of idia. Your quite shameless. The bed is too soft and nice to sleep at after all. Ghost Ortho rest beside you, looking at you, reaching out to held your hand even so it's impossible. He pretend to sleep beside you as you close your eyes. Feeling quite tired.

.

.

.

He thought that he won't ever see you again. But he found himself in a spirit form roaming around, he thought his dreams have consumed him but he saw his big brother room where your sleeping with your friends walking in to visit you. Then saw you awake and talking to your friends. He once again a third point viewer of everything you do. He watch in silent as he did because no one can see him. No one would know it. It's seems better than being struck in the underworld till who knows when.

When his older brother played in his computer he seat on the bed and watch you sleep peacefully. He wonder smiled thinking this would be enough. Even so it's not. His greedy, he wanted to be with you even such false belief. He tried to held your hand but his hand always went pass it. How depressing. But when you finally well to drink your medicine on your own. He saw you staring straight into his eyes, as if looking at him. He believes it's a miracle or an illusion then if it's the latter he don't want it to end. Let him be swallow in such delusions.

...

A/N: hello! It been years since I return to this Tumblr blog of mine. Here is the request thats ask by you last February 8 2025. I don't know if this sequel you ask have been serve well with this one. I don't know how I use to write for this blog and I just gotten back to twist fandom after watching book 7. I might write more stories of shroud soon! And another part for this one if requested. Thank you for requesting!!

The reason why You doesn't get effected by the gate of underworld like Vil and riddle did in the OG story is because Yuu is not from this world and the logic and law of the world won't effect them in full blast like resident of this world.