#its hard to do a full 180 on how i see myself

[junicoins]

do you think you're ugly or have you realised that you're hot and cool and such?

Maybe not hot or cool, but I'm at least a little cute and useful.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I read ur twst chars analises a lot,n I just wanna say I really love how u write em!!! I like ur nuanced interpretation, how they r very detailed,thoughtful, n objective, even tho its not about ur favs or even ones u dislike, also made me realize how good twst writing can be. So if I may ask, which of the cast do u think is the/one of the best written char(s) in the game?? N vice versa if u may, like ones u think need improvement :^]

[Analysis masterlist here! I believe it’s currently full so I’m working on putting together a second one :>]

First of all, thank you very much for enjoying my analyses ^^ I try very hard to research and to put myself in the shoes of each character I’m writing about, and I’m glad that it seems to show in my writing.

If we’re talking about the main 22 NRC students + Grim… (I’m not counting blank slate Yuu, NRC staff, Halloween characters, RSA students, and NPCs because they have such limited lore + vignettes and I feel it wouldn’t be fair to compare.) Honestly, I feel like they’re all written pretty decently, with perhaps the caveat being that there’s more content weighted toward the OB boys due to their significance in the main story and irl marketing. Some other characters, like Jade and Rook, are purposefully more mysterious as part of their characters.

I guess if I had to point out some weaker characters, I’d say they’d be Jack and Epel? I feel like those two are pretty… one note… 😔 What do we know about Jack? He’s strong, loyal, likes to exercise, is disciplined, is a tsundere… What do we know about Epel? He wants to be cool and not cute, he YEEHAWS, he likes apples, he’s really close with his family… You can see this reflected in the core of Epel’s dream; he wants to be tall and muscular, which is very simple when put next to the other dreams.

Of the two, Epel is worse off because he actually had a character arc in book 5 where he begins to accept that beauty and femininity can be a strength and isn’t something to be ashamed of. However, almost ALL the vignettes and side content outside of the main story have Epel exclusively talking about how tough and cool he wants to be + rejecting cute/girly things, which sort of negates the main story development and feels like he has regressed so much. I get that maybe he wouldn’t change his mind right away or do a 180, but it still creates a strong whiplash. Jack is at least consistent. Sort of stale, but consistent.

Those two aren’t flat or anything, but it feels like they hinge on the same handful of traits in every appearance and whenever we learn anything new about them, it’s just the same thing we already knew before but said slightly differently. I’d like to know more about Jack and Epel outside of these areas.

P.S. SORRY TO THE JACK AND EPEL STANS IN My AUDIENCE OTL

[bimir]

it's not something strange or unique to say that after the last haikyuu movie, most of us got into it again, but at the same time, I know for sure that I'm not the only one who benefits the most from this re...union.

I went to see the haikyuu movie alone, and at first, it didn't hit me that much. maybe it was because I couldn't help but wonder how much I would have enjoyed it with my best friend, but we are grown-ups now and long distance.

after a couple of days, the internet was full of haikyuu content again, just like during lockdown, and because of that, I also got into it again and realized how much of a masterpiece it is.

haikyuu is well known, but in my opinion, it is underestimated and categorized by others as just a silly volleyball-sport anime. it saddens me so much that there are so many people who will never get to embrace this piece of art.

Furudate not only created a coming-of-age story, a story that inspired and still inspires generations to fight for their dreams, to engage in the complex mess of relationships, teamwork, and partnerships. haikyuu teaches you that if you really do have a dream, and if you are really ambitious, if you work hard for it, your time will come too. but it also teaches you that not choosing to be great is not a tragedy; your dreams of what a good life means can be different from the ideals of others: "life is unfair, but damn it, at the same time, it is really fair too."

so why did I go on writing about this? because I can't comprehend how haikyuu manages to be there for me at the best time—or the worst, better said—how it really took its "comfort anime" title seriously for me. I started haikyuu in my last year of high school: extremely stressed, depressed, and anxious, so scared of what the upcoming end would mean for me that I'd tricked myself into living by coming to the conclusion that I'd simply not make it to 18 if I didn't see a future for myself. it seemed only fair and the universe would do its thing, no? I know, kinda depressing and triggering, but it did help that miserable me then, it did help but not in the way I prayed it would. the universe didn't send me "death," it sent me life and hope through haikyuu. feeling so empty, so bland for such a long time, haikyuu managed to make me laugh and cry. it doesn't sound like much, but real ones know what I'm talking about. seeing their connection, their ambition, the troubles and feelings I was so desperate to put into words right in front of me saved me from my misery. I began to wish to live, to wish to be like them, to wish to fight, to wish to connect again with people.

now, after almost 4 years, I'm in my last year of uni. the main reason for my depression back then in high school was because I didn't know what to do with my life, what uni and career to choose. hell, I didn't know I would take this path until last autumn, but here I am, on my way to becoming a teacher. it's hard, really hard, but right now, after the new movie, I finally committed to start and finish the manga even though I knew bits and pieces of what happens. it was the best time to read it now. over these 3-4 years, I pondered why I couldn't start getting into the manga and see for myself what happens, but damn it was the best time to read it now. seeing them go all out on their path, learning that in order to succeed you need to fight and fight and fight, to push through, to overcome your limits, to push yourself, to not take it easy if you really want it, came at the best time as I got into a slump and a burnout from learning too much but also not learning enough. I've got to see all of the characters continuing to be pros while fighting for their way, but also choosing to let go of something they once loved in order to live a normal life.

haikyuu is like a reminder that there is more to life than just your high school/childhood years, that your path could take a 180-degree turn at any point, but at the same time, it makes you appreciate those times and not want to sweep your childlike wonder, your growth, and mistakes under a rug. Furudate was a genius for creating haikyuu, and I really hope and pray that haikyuu will continue to be there, to comfort and save future generations until the end of time.

[xxchromies]

I used to be an anti-feminist/anti-sjw

A loooong ass time ago. Like 2013-2014, when I was but a wee 12 year old. Not anti-feminist in the tradwife, justpearlythings way but rather in the shoe0nhead, "the wage gap is a myth and manspreading isn't real" way. And it's funny how I did a 180 ten years later. But it makes total sense why I felt this way, actually.

I used to consider myself a feminist. I had seen the way men treated women online and felt disgusted by it. In 2013, I joined Tumblr for the first time. I would happily reblog posts about basic feminism. How photoshop was fucked up, how women deserve the right to vote, etc. I started to turn when I realized that it seemed like feminists cared more about doing #epic dunks on le cringe neckbeards then actually talking about feminism in a nuanced and thoughtful way. And so that led to me concluding that "feminists" were actually just manhaters and didn't want to be equal to men, they wanted to be superior. Nowadays, I reblog all these lengthy ass posts, entire fucking passages discussing misogyny and all its nuances. But it wasn't like that in 2014. If you were on Tumblr in 2014, you know what the culture was like. It was all about snappy, quick retorts and epic clapbacks. Another thing was that these feminists often spoke of very trivial things. No talk of female genital mutilation. Instead we should talk about the "friendzone" and how it's just soooo fucked up that commercials for pads use random blue liquid and not red liquid! Nevermind the fact that they do that in toilet paper commercials too!! It's not hard to see how all that could have led me to think feminism = annoying and trivial.

Another reason I was an anti-feminist is that quite simply, I didn't have the experience to understand a lot of what the Tumblr feminists were talking about. Rape WAS talked about frequently, as well as sexual harassment. I didn't realize how prevalent it was because, being an actual child, I didn't have much experience with it. So it felt like they were exaggerating. Plus, I just straight up did not want to believe things were actually that awful. The world they were painting seemed cartoonishly evil. But I know better now. Also, the hypothetical rapists were talked about as if they were dumb 80's bullies like Kurt and Ram. It made it very hard to take what they were talking about seriously. They would talk about these issues as if these men thought what they were doing was just fine and they were just too dumb to realize. The reality is that they know rape is wrong and horrible, they just don't care. "Instead of teaching women how not to be raped, teach men not to rape." I understand the sentiment. But men DO know not to rape. Rape is considered to be one of the most heinous crimes ever, yet they do it anyway. "Teach men consent" they fucking know consent. They just don't fucking care about it. Maybe we should be teaching men to actually start giving a fuck about women.

I often think of the shit I used to reblog and cringe. But I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself. I was transitioning from being a child to being a teenager and I was all of a sudden being exposed to all these serious issues with serious implications. I was being forced to examine my worldview and I didn't like it. It was uncomfortable. I actually do think I would have appreciated a bit of hand-holding when it came to the world of feminism, as dumb as that sounds.

What actually snapped me out of it was actually sitting down and watching Anita Sarkeesian's videos. I used to hate her blindly. But when I sat down and watched her full-fledged analyses, I recognized the misogynistic concepts she was talking about in my own life. And it changed my perception of feminism.

And then after that I became "one of the good ones", then I became a standard run-of-the-mill "makeup is empowering and TWAW" libfem, and that led me to today.

[marshmallowprotection]

Yknow it’s been years of me playing this game, I can’t play it a lot like I did in HS, I’m in college. But in college I’ll sometimes be able to spare 11 days to one characters route.

And it’s like I love MM, not just because of the romance, but bc the RFA is so found family? Like all the members have such devastating backstories, extremely complicated family situations, and different personalities that clash sometimes, but they’re a family 😭.

Doesn’t matter what route you prefer, I just know that after everything that happens, we’d all log into the chat room and talk about our lives or find time to get together. Bc even Separated, with everyone pursuing different dreams/goals they set for themselves, we’re still connected.

Off topic but I think that’s one of the reasons I find it difficult to commit to SSUM (besides spending money to get a full experience) since I got used to an entire set of characters talking to eachother along with MC throughout the day, everyday. That one on one convos sometimes in chatrooms but were mostly reserved in DMs and phone calls.

There is something special about this game, and it's really hard to shake that feeling from your heart when you get that warm and fuzzy sensation. These characters feel so tangible and real that you can't help but fall in love with them and want to be friends with them. I’m grateful that I’ve had the RFA in my life. I don't think I'd be the same person if it wasn't for being able to interact with them the way I have after all these years. In the same vein, I think it could be said just the same for them.

They wouldn't be who they are if it wasn't for their friendships with each other. 

It's been a while since I've had a game capture my attention much like this one has. I definitely play other dating sims but none of them hit like this one. I think it has to do with how much dedication to found family and supporting each other was put into it. You can't help but want to be a part of this found family once you see them in action. 

I'd like to believe that they're my family. I'm sure many people feel the same way. 

I don't care much for the SSUM, either. When I'm playing an Otome, I need something to hook me in that will drag me like a fish on a lure to its fishermen. Ignoring the pure money-grab aspect of the game that I've definitely shared my distaste for before, interacting with just one character doesn't pull in the same mystery. It's slow, but that's purely by choice since you've got to be committed to the game for over 200 days. I commend anyone who's been enjoying the SSUM and liking it as the story expands! But, it sure isn't meant for me.

Granted, the only reason I would continually want to play it would be to get Easter eggs about characters from Mystic Messenger. I don't think I could go through 180+ days of Teo to get to the point where the man is in Mint Eye to get my sprinkle of Ray crumbs. 

It isn't bad that you get to interact with the character one-on-one, but there's not a lot of story pull going on since you're just interacting with one person. It takes a long time for things to be revealed because you're getting to know him in a more realistic manner and that takes time. I tend to enjoy a suspension of reality when I'm playing these games because I want so much hitting me all at once. 

So, it isn't a game that would bring me any joy to play that much. If I'm only playing it to get Easter eggs, I do not have that much fun. Because you're supposed to be enjoying the content you're getting with the new character, and even if you get a Sprinkle of something from a previous game, you're still supposed to be immersed in what you're doing. But, that's just for me personally. I enjoy having a lot more characters to interact with and things to do with myself when I'm playing the game. 

[mesmir-ized]

whos your favorite character olease tell me ...

AHHHH SUCH A HARD QUESTION !!!!💭 so i'll just dabble a bit in everyone (or at least as many people i have capacity for)... 

(oh, long post waerning...)

i know its a bit of a joke but i truly do relate to mob as an autistic person , i really appreciate his genuineness and just how much of a truly good-hearted person he is , it really makes me happy :] .. too many words to voice ahhhhh GREAT BOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like how he's allowed to have his selfish and weird moments , how yes , he may naturally lean to more kindhearted things , but thats also the result of his own choices and guidance from others , not only his own nature ... his care for others makes me so happy ❤️ i just love good-hearted characters , and he certainly charmed me and has a permanent place in my heart !!!!

i really like teru as well , he just has infinite swagger and i really like his attitude , his ability to change for the better made me happy !!! plus he's just a good and welcoming friend :] i like how his connection with mob , as opposed to his isolation among others , really opened him up in a way to whats truly important and really made him such a great guy .. + im always drawn to fashion girlies , so he has a little place in my heart as well->❤️

im a big sucker for sibling dynamics , and ritsu is soo sweet . not like "angelic" sweet but he again feels like a real sibling that cares for his brother & vice versa . i like the way his character was explored , and again just how much of a good guy he is !! i like that we get to see an uglier side to him as well , it really makes him feel 3D , and makes you appreciate the moments he chooses kindness and understanding even more impactful !!!

reigen slays , i like him a lot :] i always found myself at a crossroads since he's (generally) a morally gray charcacter - even if i didnt like or agree with what he was doing , it was at least fun/funny to see ! hes just quite funny LOL ! but i do apprecaite how over time he changes and grows to be a responsible and kind person !!! and i like how it wasnt a complete 180 , he can still be selfish , he can still say/do the wrong thing - which is completely realistic & nobody changes overnight - but in the end he really wants to be better and do better just for the sake of others . his and mobs relationship is so touching , and those moments where he puts others before himself really shows his growth . i really like how him & mob influenced each other for the better , and made the finale hit even harder

for serizawa , i was a bit shocked how little we see of him in the show compared to how much fanart i see of him (LOL) but i really like him !!!!!!! again i just love good-hearted characters , and can also find myself in him a lot as well . it really makes me happy to see someone pulled out from a bad place and given the chance to do and be better and happier !! he's also just kinda cute , like a cat ,LOL

& dimple ahhhh ahhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!! i liked him a lot as well....really funny dude , i guess that was his main thing was being the straight man and it worked really well LOL - i also grew attacthed to him quickly , despite him being evil &c....i knew he'd "die"since like everyone was posting about it but goodness i burst into TEARS , everyone got a crying selfie during that as well . again , seeing his growth , and him realizing joy and fulfillment isnt in power but in others , and then being ready to sacrifice himself for mobs and everyones sake....WAHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!

tome is awesome , i really like her attitude and her weirdgirl charm . shes silly and serious and passionate and I really like that about her . unapologetically passionate about what she believes in !! and it made me SO happy that her dreams were fulfilled , i was expecting some gag like "the aliens are evil" or "mob was doing something to make her think its aliens to make her happy" but i like they went full-steam ahead iinto it LOL , it was silly but also made me so happy :] !!! i like that she feels like an actual person , not that mp100 necessarily has this problem , but oftentimes female characters have this weird sense of restraint to them , but she was allowed to fully be herself and i like that a lot !!!!!!!!!!!

i also liked mezato a lot , i find her to be similarly well-written and fun and quirky ! shes quite intelligent but also can be silly and also make bad , selfish choices - not that shes evil by any means , but certainly any middle-schooler in her shoes would act that way too ! again , its great to see a strong-willed female character , she feels like a person rather than an archetype !

sho !!!!!!!!!!! i enjoyed him a lot , and could certainly relate to him in regards to some father things . in a way i liked how non-serious he was , LOL ? he of course had his moments , but his nonchalant attitude was really fun , and really helped you understand how confident he was in himself and how he was raised to think of himself/his family ! i really liked how he warmed up to ritsu and they banded together and became friends ! it felt really natural , and i think they can relate to each other in a way nobody else can , which i really like :3

for tsubomi , i have a similar opinion to her as the other girls , and that i'm thankful she was allowed to be herself . obviously , we get a limited view as we are generally looking on from mob's POV rather than a fully omniscient one , but i like how we actually get to explore her beyond just her beauty , i think that was really important to voice . i'm also quite glad she rejected mob , as its made clear she doesnt owe anyone anything , and it establishes her as a person rather than just Cute Girl

AHHH SPEEDROUND SINCE THIS IS GETTING REALLY CRAZAY LONG ->

body improvement club: I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!!!!! their positive attitude and complete adoption of anyone willing to be with them is awesome , i never expected them to be a reoccurring part of the main cast, but im so glad they were !!!! they just put a smile on my face , im so glad they were just an awesome and positive force in the story , always down for anything , willing to fight to protect anyone , and accepting of everyone !!

telepathy club: i love these guys LOL , i really liked that they were just goofing off , that really is how some clubs can be . i found them to be fun in that regard , and just a wonderful stablizing group in terms of everything ! i also was really touched by how hard they worked to make it up to tome , as they realized how much everyting meant to her . theyre awesome :3

7thdiv claw guys: LVOED seeing these guys after the whole fallout with mob & reigen &co , it made me happy to see them humbled and rebuilding their lives and working to be better :] it was just nice , and it really resonated with the message of "everyone has parts of them they don't like , but they can always choose to be better and change"

overall: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJHJHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJHUGHHHHHHUNNHOUSU0HGJYUEF97H80U9I0EOWJIHURG86WHBUFAYWBIUHOIJHUGR8G86R379Y8U0I-735YUOIPNFUYgvtf7yg8uhw9iopmnobuy9wge0h9-0[pmofahuwypojhrwu9ygf89u0hp9-j[iouah

[sunnybubblezzz]

closure

this is my closure.

i loved her but i wasn’t enough for her and it sucks. so this will be the last thing i write about her, the last time i cry about her, the last time before i let her go.

she was my everything and MAN we had fun times.

knowing that i wasn’t ENOUGH for her. it’s funny cause i tried so hard and for what? its funny cause i loved so hard.. and for- for what?

she was the person who made me write long cards, in the end i couldn’t even write a card for her. “did a full 180.. crazy”

tbh i’m happy for her. like, her new one has all the things i could never. and her new one could give her all the things i couldnt. i just- i just want to be ENOUGH for someone.

and i’m- i’m losing hope.

cause if IF i could spend so much money on someone, IF i could spend SO much time with someone, if i could write all the things i did to someone AND THEY LEFT? there’s not really any hope anymore.

and all that i feel now is regret. oh how i wishhhh i didn’t love you, i wish i never spent so much on you, i wish i could take back all the times i’ve talked about you, i wish i saw the warning signs from the start.

so i’ll avoid you.

now i can’t even look you.

now i have to hear my own brother talk to her more than i do. i have to see her want to hang out with my brother all the time- how do you manage to make me feel so bad about myself? how did you manage to make me hate myself. 

but you know what- i never loved you wrong.

and if i wasn’t enough for you- then you arent enough for me- and i will be okay without you. i’m okay.

[celestialjupe]

Girl blogging: 2/25/23 12:05

Literally processing so hard right now dbdbif. i just got out of a rather abusive relationship. I knew it was bad but it didnt hit me how extremely foul it was until i started making a list of everything that has happened. I've definitely been in the wrong too, and i regret the kind of person i became in that relationship. I don't regret it because i feel bad for him, i regret it because i know that's not who i am and i sacrificed a large portion of my sense of self because i didn't want to hurt him. That was so stupid, but honestly, no one is above being in a situation like that, especially when they're young and when it was their first relationship. so, im trying not to be too hard on myself about it, because being hard on myself drove me further into that relationship every single time.

The last year was different than the first three. He did a 180, he started treating me much better, but i couldn't erase the past and i couldn't let go of it and stay with him at the same time. I couldn't erase his actions and i couldn't erase mine either. Also, it's kind of fucked up because he could have been treating me well the whole time. But really, he never changed, he just got more strategic and better at disguising the behavior. I was still considering getting back together with him until two days ago. It's been two weeks since i broke up with him. That list really impacted me because to see how many terrible things he had done, how close together, and how careless he was..wow wakeup call. I don't feel bad anymore, if you have to hurt someone to get them to stop hurting you, so be it. Again, i was also wrong in the relationship, mainly in year three. We were like rabid dogs constantly barking at each other and flashing teeth. Looking back, i think i was valid to fight back, i think it makes sense that i opened up to the people around me. I just wish i would've listened then. I'm grateful for the two girls who sat with me and listened to me. Life is strange. but im happy that part of my life is finally over, and i can move on. I already feel better and look better and overall i am better. Things are clearer. I think i deserve that. I tried my hardest. Especially this last year, so many times i sat awake at night, promising myself I'd try harder to be happy, telling myself it was enough and i just didn't want to accept love. Now i know that we were never in love, and i wasn't wrong to be so confused and agitated.

I don't think there was ever a moment where he truly considered me, but i was selfish for not wanting to live my life like that. What surprised me the most was everyone who was happy to hear the news. I thought everyone loved him, i thought no matter what, they didn't know what was happening behind closed doors and he was charming, so of course they love him. Little did i know, everyone saw through the act. I only ever told two people about what was happening, and i didn't even tell them the full situation. No one else knew because it's honestly so embarrassing, and i wasn't ready to be better. even now im scared, im scared to delete him from my socials, im scared that he wont be able to leave it alone, im scared that he wont take no for an answer and ill have to pay for this. I can't let that fear control me. I have to be ready to face it all, and dive into the void even if im not certain of the outcome. So much time, opportunity, self-respect has passed me by and I've just let it. I can't do that anymore. I deserve to show up for myself, even when its hard. breakups are hard, especially when they're easy.

Through all that fear, there is a spark. There's a part of myself that i have ownership of again, a part of myself i haven't seen in so long. There's relief, there's love, there's a feeling of security. There's this newfound sense of certainty that i am here and I will never let this happen again. There's victory. I've overcome obstacles and I've walked through the darkest parts of myself to do that. I took a tour of the worst possible version of myself, i stayed in the dark for so long and I'm finally on the other side of it all. I am happy and proud to be me, feelings i never thought I'd have for myself again. I have forgiveness in my heart now, i have released so much, I'm not angry at anyone anymore. I feel like i can finally be myself and not compromise that.

so yeah, kind of slaying right now.. thank you for taking the time to read if you did. Don't make the same mistake i did, don't wait, leave leave leave LEAVE!! Be safe, stay hydrated, keep your belly full, and do what's best for you.

[lokbobpop]

Back to basis

After today’s recording where joe explains his moment of change and i reflected on my moments of change how subtle but life changing they are how you just cant go back to them, like the point i walked with my other half, i had blame and lots of it, when i walked it and moved on, i just cant go back to the way i was, it would take so much energy to be like that to live that way now, and its hard to believe i was even like that now, and yes blame has gone its lifted, it was real time change many years ago now that turned my head round 180 as it were. All that energy it took to be like that was so much when i see my self then, to be bothered with being frustrated with my bundle of blame, and how i look at the points Im living right now and why am i not just dropping them why is it hard ti just saw ok I’m I’ve that now I’m living this now lol

So what i see today is that how import i have to be here in every moment for these changes to happen i have to be with myself full on standing, when i feel energy stop look at it. But what I’m dealing with right now is comparison I’m so over having to be like this I’ve got to the point that this point has been lingering for decades and I’ve been walking it for at least 3 years id say !!!! Holy crap 3 years how can i do that to myself for all those years ?? Lol Ive now come to the point of stand stand stand self love the chosen word for myself to deal with this.

Im thinking my thyroid problem has to do with my comparison keeping me from functioning properly because my desire to be better than all others runs so deep I’m dysfunctional so my like my thyroid not working properly doing the best i can do. All because just cant see the best in myself without comparing it to another, no seeing me as whole as one. So how can i further help myself with this insane desire to be better than other by going into self doubt to self ego in the matter of a split second how can i turn these thoughts into functions that will support me to live myself without this want need and desire?

Step off the merry go round step off this so called wheel of life clean up with scrappy bits left over that I’ve decided to keep around just in case i need them, yes that what Ive been doing, so i can look at something different to overcome a change of scenery lol as it were I’ve out lived this one its fucking annoying lol i saw a post of a school friend today and i was jealous that she might be happier than myself with her life and all her photos this thing is so wide spread I’m going to have to be very vigilant and question a good proportion of my daily thoughts i see to really get on tops of this but at the end of the day thats all they are just thoughts they are not really me no i just created them made them real and so believe them to be me. Such a shame i took it so far and ingrained it within myself.

Plan to see realize and un stand to move this point i have to be persistent i have to be stable calm and stop in every moment for real time change, i have to see what they are really showing me about myself i have to live my self love embrace them about me. I have to be real because my dislike for all when it comes to my comparison for me to see myself as better has to end i have to move on let go embrace this about me and see realize and understand that I’m changing and this is an important part of the whole of my change. It has many angles and comes in many angles as thoughts i see it not just one thing compare theres a story of wanting people to see me as amazing so i can to believe that I’m am so i can bring the thoughts of this why i can think the way i do because i am, i also need to live the words humble i see so this is my word for today humble.

Humble hum able bumblebee to be humble

To love myself

To stand as self with pride and stability

[beardedmrbean]

Any thoughts on media trying to place blame on Tucker Carlson for the mass shooting? Another Conservative hit piece or do you think they have a point?

Haven't seen anything about that, but from what I've seen the dude was hard left wing so listening to Carlson wouldn't be something I'd think he'd do.

Being a white supremacist isn't exclusive to conservatives, it's just generally ignored or glossed over when it's leftists doing it which would be why I think we're seeing a lot of dancing around his political affiliation and focusing on the different hateful things he's been involved in or preached.

With their usual swiftness, leftists on Twitter quickly launched a seemingly coordinated effort to blame Fox News and Tucker Carlson for allegedly radicalizing the suspect.

As word of the shooting quickly spread on social media, so did reports that the shooter had posted a 180-page manifesto online, explaining his racist and anti-Semitic motives and detailing how he planned to carry out the attack. PJ Media obtained a copy of the manifesto, and while we cannot independently verify its authenticity, it is widely believed to be genuine, and some left-wing operatives are intent on claiming that the manifesto proves the shooter was radicalized by Fox News and right-wing politics. I’ll show you want the manifesto actually says (though I will not link to it).

First, despite the coordinated effort to blame Fox News, the manifesto attacks a number of news networks, including Fox, for hiring Jews.

A search of the entire manifesto also yields no mentions of Tucker Carlson and specifically mentions “the internet” as where he got his beliefs.

Others have tried to link the shooter in a more general way to right-wing politics. For example, the so-called conservative S.E. Cupp of CNN tried to blame “right-wing extremism” for the shooting.

But here’s what the manifesto says about the shooter’s politics:

Did you always hold these views? When I was 12 I was deep into communist ideology, talk to anyone from my old highschool and ask about me and you will hear that. From age 15 to 18 however, I consistently moved farther to the right. On the political compass I fall in the mild-moderate authoritarian left category, and I would prefer to be called a populist.

Later in the manifest, the shooter insists, “I would prefer to call myself a populist. But you can call me an ethno-nationalist eco-fascist national socialist if you want, I wouldn’t disagree with you.” He also repeatedly attacks capitalists, and rejected the conservative label because, he wrote, “conservativism is corporatism in disguise, I want no part of it.”

But let’s not pretend that, assuming the manifesto is legitimate, the rhetoric espoused in its pages means the shooter cannot be legitimately aligned with either major political party or political movement. While I would argue that the views expressed in the manifesto echo rhetoric of radical leftism, the manifesto is full of nonsense and garbage that is at times inconsistent. The people who were quick to exploit the situation to attack Fox News and conservatives were wrong and should be ashamed of themselves. ____________________

That's their analysis, guy doesn't fit into any actual mold.

I'm not a fan of Tucker and I pretty much just ignore him in general, but this guy you're not going to be able to at least exclusively blame Carlson for he's gathered his insanity from the extreme 4 corners of the political spectrum and mushed them into something that likely only makes any sense to him.

[oneshotnewbie]

how about a oneshot where Supergirl and b!d get into a fight (not physical., an argument), and Kara says something that really hurts her sisters' feelings. B!D runs away crying and Alex also gets mad at crying cause she's really protective over B!D and Kara goes to apologize.

„Kara, give it a break!“ you sighed frustrated as you walked furious through the DEO.

“Give it a break? Are you serious? You almost died trying to save Alex because you had no energy left to fight!” she snapped, lost in anger while her cheeks started to flush in bright red. “You are so selfish. You’re always pushing more and more and don’t realize that you are not only hurting yourself but also hurting us and your friends.”

You stopped in your tracks, your anger rose and you squeezed your eyes together while you bit your lip. "I am selfish?" With one swing you turned around and looked into her eyes. Your arms were crossed under your chest and your legs were firmly on the floor. You too, had meanwhile reached the color on your face that signaled that you were almost boiling over with anger.

"Have you ever looked at yourself? You run around here like a target for every damn enemy you made to save the world but don't think an inch about your family!" you spat out, these words literally screamed through the whole building. Everyone had heard it, all eyes were on you both and now you were the spectacle in the middle of your work environment.

"I have superpowers, Y/N! I can protect myself unlike you."

"And I can't protect myself?"

"No you can't, as it could be seen in the field. Use your brain and finally realize that this may not be the right job for you!" she said in a loud, deep voice and took a breath. "You think you are as strong as Alex but you are not and you never will be. You are too soft for this kind of game."

And that saying literally hit you in the face like a brick. Your heart felt like it was slipping into your pants and your stomach turned 180 degrees. You noticed how your anger slowly turned into sadness as your brain realized what your sister said and your eyes began to puddle with tears.

You could feel some of them already starting their own way and flowing down your cheeks. Before it all ended in a sea on your face and everyone noticed that you had feelings, you disappeared with quick steps and left your older sister standing there alone.

Immediately you ran to the changing rooms and let your feelings run free. Maybe she was right, maybe you were really weak and useless for this work.

---

Alex stood with her mouth open, watching the show, not knowing what to say. Her heart ached at the sight of you and the way you stood there, completely overwhelmed by your sisters words, but at the same time a rapid anger spread inside her. Anger at Kara that she even dared to speak to you like that and throw something at you like that.

"Kara, into the conference room, NOW!" her voice was terrifying deep.

The redhead walked up and waited for the blonde to enter. The door slammed shut and she paced back and forth a few times with her hands in her hair before she looked up and started speaking. "Are you crazy?"

"Alex, I am sorry."

Alex snorted out loud, her eyes flashing a dangerous brown as she got closer to the blonde. "Sorry? Damn it, you know exactly how long it took to reassure her that she is doing her job well and that she is perfect the way she is."

"I know.." but Alex interrupted her immediately.

"You don't know anything, where is your head? That one sentence probably destroyed all the self-confidence that she had willfully built up over the years." shouted the eldest one, pointing through the glass to the place you ran off. "I swear to you, Kara. If it takes her back to where she was back then, so broken and doubting her existence, then God mercy, I don't know what I am going to do!"

With gritted teeth she raised a finger at the blonde and looked at her. Her jaw was clenching and the blonde knew, that the read head was raging inside. No matter what she had to say now, Alex wouldn't have given a shit about.

She has always been very protective of you. Maybe because you were the youngest and her own flesh and blood, or maybe because you had difficulties in your youth and she saved you from worse.

The eldest didn't feel like discussing any further and disappeared from the room. The door closed with another loud bang and Kara was startled for a moment.

She sat down on one of the chairs and tried to process what had just happened. She wasn't even sure why she's said that to you in the first place if she didn't feel the way at all. Maybe it was just the anger and frustration of almost losing you, which spoke for her.

She got up again and walked in the direction in which you escaped but when she didn't find you in the locker room, where she had suspected you, she was slightly worried until she remembered that you were always in the training room of the DEO after a hard day's work to let your feelings run free there.

And she was right. Once there, she opened the door and saw you, with headphones in your ears, on the punching bag as you beat him with full force and energy.

She watched you for a moment before deciding to walk up to you and hole the bag while you hit it. With a firm stance, she put her arms on the sides and held it with her strength at one point so that he wouldn't fly around like that.

But suddenly there were no more blows to feel and the sandbag didn't move in her hands either. The blonde watched you take your headphones out, walking to the bench to get your water bottle.

"Y/N, can we talk?" she asked softly.

The otherwise so strong and uplifting woman looked at the floor and dodged her sisters gaze. "About what? You already said everything."

"Listen, I've said some stupid stuff to you, and its fine if you are mad at me. I just wanted to let you know that I didn't mean it at all and it wasn't okay to say something like that to you."

You laughed, rolled your eyes and set off for a little sprint. "Kara, we both know you meant it. Angry people always tell the truth."

"No, they don't. At that moment I wasn't completely with myself, I kept seeing pictures of you laying there on the ground and that alien above you, almost tearing you apart."

"Are you done?" you turned around again and looked at her briefly. "Go, please."

"Please don't hate me." she spoke almost inaudibly, her voice muffled by the tears she tried to suppress.

"Let me alone, Kara."

[relatable-trxsh]

In Too Deep

Summary: Youre the new girl in the Lennox and Blue quickly takes a very special liking to you.

A/N: Hi! Sorry I suck at summarys I put a warning before the smut starts and when it ends. My requests are OPEN!

Warnings: S M U T 18+ , Soft Blue, Daddy kink, Male oral reciving, cursing, Name calling.

You scream as the two men drag you into the Lennox. You fight against them with every fiber of your being but they are much stronger than you. That didn’t stop you though, you kicked, scream, you threw your body in every direction praying they would somehow lose grip. 

“Please let me go! I didn’t do anything wrong please!” Heads of the staff turned your way, some held a sympathetic gaze others scoffed. Finally, the men stopped walking but your pleas continued, that was until you heard a calm, slightly deep voice speak. 

“Now now, there’s no reason to cry.” you look up just as a hand reaches over and wipes a tear from your face.

“Please I didn’t do anything wrong.” your pleas have quieted down as you look at the man before you.

“Unfortunately I have been told otherwise. What they are accusing you with cant be taken lightly, but you should be glad they sent you here and not some prison.” He moves his hand to your chin and lifts your head a little. “My name is Blue Jones, I run this place. Now come I will show you around, introduce you to the rest of the girls. He smiles and gives your chin a little squeeze before the guards return to their firm grip. As you walk you continuously try to fight out of their grip. Blue explains the rules until you reach a dance studio. There are girls lined up doing various stretches. “Vera this is Y/N, she is our newest patient.” She looks you up and down before nodding. 

“I have a very strict set of rules girl. You follow them, do as your told and there will be no problems.” She spoke in a thick accent. You look at her saying nothing, only trying to fight your arms from the guard’s grip. Blue smirks and Vera sighs. “The quiet ones always cause trouble.”

“You should have seen the fight she gave the guards coming in.” Vere leans in close to your face.

“I don’t put up with nonsense, I am here to help you but I can’t do that if you fight against me understood?” you nod. “Good, I can take her from here. Go join the rest of the girls.” You silently walk and stand beside them. A girl with reddish hair looks at you with a smile.

“Hi I’m Rocket, this is my sister Sweet Pea, that’s Blondie, Baby Doll, and Amber.” You give them all a small wave.

“I’m Y/N” Sweet Pea looks at you and chuckles.

“She’s never gonna make it in here.” Rocket swats her sister’s shoulder.

“Hush, she must be terrified it’s her first day here.”

“Yeah well, it one gets worse from here so you better toughen up Buttercup.” Blondie smiles.

“I like that buttercup I think it suits her.”

You spend the rest of the afternoon practicing dancing, you didn’t fully understand why but the girls told you they would explain after chores.

You felt lost walking around the building, you were desperately trying to find the rooms where the beds were but somehow you ended up at Blues office. You knocked quietly, your heart rate picking up when you heard him sigh from the other side of the door. 

“Come in.” You walked in quietly, staying in the doorway.

“I’m sorry to bother Mr.Jones but I’m lost. I was trying to find the room.” He quickly sits up.

“No no you aren’t bothering at all. Come in, close the door.” You nod and do what he says before walking further into the room, standing in front of his desk. “How have the other girls been treating you?” You bite your lips

“They have been very kind Mr.Jones, they even gave me a nickname. Buttercup.” He chuckles. Blue couldn’t lie, he loved the way his name sounded coming from your mouth. “But I do have a question Mr.Jones if that’s alright…” He nods sitting back in his chair, taking a sip of his whiskey.

“Ask away buttercup” His voice sent shivers down your spine.

“Why does Dr. Gorski have us dance?” He seems a little taken back by your question but doesn’t hesitate.

“On the weekends we do something special, you girls earn me some extra money by putting on a show for some special people, and if those special people spit out some more cash they get a night of fun with one of you, sometimes two.” You were completely shocked by his words.

“You’re going to whore us out?” your words come out with a harsh edge. Blue stands up and walks over to you. 

“You don’t get to judge me Y/N.” he grabs your jaw again and you can’t stop tears from welling up in your eyes front the harshness of his grip. “It’s all part of the game.”

“Sir” your voice is barely a whisper. “Blue please I cant…” You look down at the floor embarrassed, tears falling down your already pink cheeks. 

“And why not? Look me in the eyes when you speak to me Y/N” you eyes reluctantly meet his again.

“I’m a virgin Mr.Jones” He couldn’t stop the smirk from falling on his lips, the vulnerability in your eyes excited him especially since it was a complete 180 from the way you were acting earlier.

“My my, sweet little Butter Cup a virgin.” He clicked his tongue and used his thumb to wipe away a tear from your cheek. “You know a lot of men would pay a pretty penny to fuck a virgin especially one as beautiful as you.” Your lip quivered at his words. “But I have half a mind to keep you all to myself. I always have to share my toys, I never get to keep one for myself, but you,” he sighs. “You are something special and I don’t want to share you.” He leans his forehead against yours, you can’t stop the tears from falling.

“I don’t want to be a whore Blue.” Your voice shook as you closed your eyes.

“If you’re a good girl for me buttercup then you won’t be. I will keep you all to myself, my own little toy.” his hands slid down your shoulders and laned on your waist pulling you closer. If sticking with him meant that you didn’t have to be at other men’s disposal that it’s something you could handle. You open your eyes and look at him.

“Promise I’ll only be yours Blue, promise you won’t let anyone else touch me.” you were terrified he wouldn’t keep his word. Blue says nothing, he just kisses down your jaw to your neck where he starts to bite and suck on the soft untouched skin.

*SMUT*

“Let’s see how good you are for daddy first.” He runs his thumb across your lips before pressing it into your mouth. You take it without protest, swirling your tongue around it and sucking it causing a small moan to leave Blues lips. “Are you sure you’re a Virgin Buttercup?.” You gulp a little before nodding. He smirks. “Get on your knees I want to see what else that tongue can do” You do as your told and sink to your knees. Your hands quickly find the buttons of his pants undoing them with ease, just as you are pulling down his pants, taking his boxers with them. Your eyes widen as they land on his thick large cock.

You lean forward, looking up at Blue as you run your tongue on the underside of his already hard member, he moans as his hand finds your hair tangling into it. 

“Come one princess, stop teasing Daddy and take me in your mouth already.” You bite your lip before leaning forward again, taking as much of him in your mouth as you could and using your hand on the rest. “Now bob up and down princess and use that soft tongue of yours.” You hum in response which causes a low moan from Blue. You start slow, moving your head and swirling your tongue a bit, you wanted to please Blue, you wanted him to want you so you begin to quicken your pace taking him as deep as you could. Your eyes welled up as you tried not to gag.

“Fuck, such a good girl. You look so beautiful with daddy in your mouth.” Blues moans and praises were intoxicating. He pulled your hair harder and you jerked your hands faster. “You want daddy to cum in your mouth” Blue moaned through gritted teeth. 

“Yes, daddy please” You moan and bob your head faster, taking Blue cock in your mouth till he hit the back of your throat. It didn’t take long for his seed to coat your throat as he thrust into your mouth. He slowly pulls out, leaving your mouth with a pop.

 “Now swallow like a good girl.” You do as your told and open your mouth showing him. Blue taps under your chin signaling you to stand you. You do so, rubbing your knees from being down so long. Blue runs his thumb over your bottom lip and smiles. “You did good buttercup. Now let’s get you taken care of before you have to go off to bed.” You bite your lip getting nervous.

“You don’t have to do that Blue, Dr.Gorski must be wondering where I am” You straighten your dress but before you could do anything else Blue grabs your by the waist with one hand and slide the other under your dress, teasing your clit from the outside of your underwear. 

“Nonsense Y/N don’t you worry about Vera, you seem to forget who’s in charge here.” He leans in close and kisses just under your ear before whispering. “Plus I can’t leave my good girl all bothered after she took me so well.” You clung to Blue panting into his neck as he rubbed your clit. He pulled down your underwear and picked you up, setting you on the edge of his desk. Blue leaned in and kissed you rough and full of pure lust. You pull him close tangling your fingers in his hair.

“Please Blue, please fuck me” He chuckles at your eagerness and pulled your dress over your head before kissing down your neck to your chest, taking one of your nipples in his mouth and rolling his thumb over the other hardened bud. He looks up at you with a smirk. 

“More, beg me more pretty girl. Show me how badly you want to be my little pet.” You moan as he swirls his tongue around your nipple. 

“Please Blue, I want you to fill me up. God Blue fuck me make me your whore” Your words drove Blue absolutely wilds. He stood up and pulled off his shirt before spreading your legs, before slowly pushing his cock inside you, stretching your walls. You dig your nails into Blues back and bury your head in his neck. 

“B-Blue its hurts” you whimper and he gently cups your face kissing you softly. 

“Shh baby girl just give it a second and then it will feel much better I promise.” You holding him tighter. It surprised you to see Blue being so gentle, he even surprised himself. It wasn’t like him at all to treat someone with such softness but he couldn’t help it with you. Blue began slowly thrusting into you until your whimpers became moans. Your head fell back as you arched your body into his.

“Please Daddy go faster, fuck” Tangled your fingers in his hair and wrapped your legs around his waist trying to pull him deeper.

“Fuck baby girl you feel so good on daddy’s cock. So tight and wet” you moan louder pulling his hair a little hard which earns a deep moan from Blue.

“I can’t last much longer daddy” you moan putting your face back in his neck.

“Come for me baby girl, come on daddy’s cock.” His words completely undo you and you clench around his cock as your legs shake. It doesn’t take Blue long to cum again, filling your tight pussy up with his seed.

END OF SMUT

 You both stay like that for a moment, a panting, sweaty mess in each other’s arms. Blue was completely beside himself, he could believe the infatuation he had growing for you. He saw you with such vulnerability in your eyes that all he wanted to do was keep you in his arms, and that’s exactly what he planned to do. You were going to be his and only his. Blue pulled away brushing his thumb over your bottom lip. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up and to bed buttercup. Tomorrow we have some meetings to attend to.” You look up at him confused. 

“Meetings?”

“Yes, i told you you are my little pet. I will Inform Vera to get your outfit ready.” you bite your lip and nod not wanting to argue. He walks away for a moment and returns with a warm wet towel, withing up between your legs before putting back on both of your clothes. “Now get to bed Buttercup it’s down the hall to your left.” You nod and give him a quick soft kiss before going to the rooms. The rest of the girls were already there most asleep except Sweet Pea. 

“He’ll get bored of you. Toss you aside like you were nothing to begin with and then throw you away like a whore.” There was a harsh resentment in her voice. You take a deep breath nervously biting you lip.

“Well im in too deep now arent I?” Sweet Pea lets out a dry laugh. 

“Yeah I guess so.”

[aenxiome]

Chapter 3: Suck it up Fenton

The rest of the day ended up being lackluster.

In the beginning, things were going well, seating assignments had been changed, and more teachers roamed the halls during and between classes. Unfortunately, the changes aren't going to last. While teachers were punishing students for bad behavior, it wasn't always the ones who did the deed that got punished. It is almost like the trouble makers started rapidly evolving. Many of the A-List target students got detention, with their reflective bully doing a whole 180 when a teacher showed up. Thankfully I managed not to get detention for a second day and a row, but that may be from Dash getting in trouble earlier today.

I may be giving my classmates more credit than they are worth, though. Before today, none of the teachers ever monitored the events in the hallways—giving everyone free rein to do what they wished without any consequences. This isn't anyone evolving. This is their way of getting around the new, hopefully, standards that they are trying to implement. If things continue to go this way, the A-Lists and others are just going to become less subtle in their actions. Not that I expect them to be able to pull it off in the end, but the new arrangement might cause even more issues.

'Great going Fenton, you just screwed everyone, I tell myself. Not everyone can handle themselves as well as you can. This is going to mean so much trouble. But, I try to look on the bright side, thinking about Astronomy. I got some papers back today, full credit on my star chart, though that's pretty much expected of me at this point. So not too surprising. Hopefully, other classes will improve with the seating arrangements being changed, but there is no way of telling if they truly will.

Once classes were over and done with, I met up Sam and Tucker at the Nasty Burger. The restaurant is just starting to get busy with the constant incoming groups of students coming through the door. Thankfully we can claim our regular booth and put in an order for food. " So, how did your guys' day go?" Tucker asks, fiddling with one of his newer PDAs. He goes through PDAs as Dad goes through fudge, a lot of them and all the time. Sam and I just shrug in response and continue the conversation going through some random small talk.

In the middle of our conversation, Tucker suddenly goes still and stares at the PDA. He shoves the device in front of Sam's face making her read whatever has grabbed his attention. Once she is done looking at whatever it is, she and Tucker make eye contact conveying something to each other that I am unable to make out. Sam starts to say something but is interrupted by our food arriving.

"Danny," Tucker says as I shove fries into my mouth, " what happened last night?" I give him a questioning look. Sam slides over the PDA it is showing a local news article. The headline, "MORE DESTRUCTION IN AMITY," is plastered at the top. Below it shows a picture of a destroyed abandoned lot, the same lot from the fight with Skulker earlier this morning.

MORE DESTRUCTION IN AMITY

by Charisma Lynn

This morning residents of this local neighborhood woke up to the remains of another ghost fight. All around the grounds, traces of the battle can be found. Burn marks cover the ground in many areas showing the intensity of the fight. When officials first got on the scene, they found a couple of abnormalities not commonly seen. In a couple of different places, shattered pieces of ghostly green energy can be found. At first appearance, the pieces look like stained glass, but after the first contact turns into a gooey substance. Residents are being told not to worry as the substance is completely harmless but to still take caution. Along with the glass-like substance is a frozen piece of the ground. Even in the sunlight, the spot has shown no difference and is as hard as a rock. Out of the earth is a broken piece of ice. So far, we are unable to tell where the ice has come from, but our best guess is from some kind of ghostly interference. Many residents of the neighborhood have to ask where Phantom was? Was he part of the destruction, or is there a new ghost in town? Find out more tonight at 6 on APC.

I look up from the article to see Sam and Tucker staring at me. I shove more unsalted fries into my mouth. Did you know salt is a natural ghost repellent I, unfortunately, learned that the hard way. Never again. I finish chewing before reassuring them, " Guys, it's fine it was just a typical ghost fight." Tucker starts on his food apparently satisfied with my answer while Sam looks like she is getting ready to argue, but I interject before she gets the chance.

" It was just Skulker, it wasn't anything too bad" the mixture of "too bad" and Skulker grabs Tucker's attention once again. With him too now giving me a critiquing look over. " Are you sure dude? You aren't hurt anywhere are you?" His voice started to become a little bit frantic as he says, "Because Im not going to the hospital. Sorry but that's where I draw the line."

" Okay, but that doesn't explain what's up with the ice spot and glassy thingy," Sam says, bringing us back to the point of the conversation. " Not now," I tell them. I glance around the crowded room before looking back to them, "not here."

They look as if they are preparing to argue as I whisper, " in private." I get a couple of questioning looks as I continue, " Theres' too many people that could overhear" With the promise to talk about it later, our meal went back to everyday small talk and griping about whatever else is bothering us.

Thankfully they let it go. For now, at least.

We finish up our meal and leave the restaurant, then start on down the road. "So," Sam asks, looking in my direction, " where exactly are we going? Your place?" I start to agree but get cut off by Tucker, " We should go to the lot." I give him a questioning glance. He continues his thought, saying, " The picture in the article doesn't show much, and you never know the media could be over-exaggerating again."

"Why not," Sam says with the tone of excitement in her voice, " sounds like fun." I stop walking as I think it over. Before I can say anything, the two of them rush off ahead in the direction of the lot while a feeling of dread overtakes me. "Guys," I call out to them, trying to catch back up, " I don't think this is a good idea." I tell them in a rush, "I will tell you about it when we get to my place. We don't need to go there." Sam narrows her eyes at me before saying, "you're hiding something."

" No, that's not it," I wring my hands in my shirt, unsure of how to proceed. She doesn't let up with her glare at my words. Sam sighs and comes towards me, grabs my arm, and pulls me along with her. I try to pull myself away without hurting her, but I just can't seem to do it. Finally, I become resigned and hesitantly follow without protest.

Didn't they read the same article that I did? It says authorities looked at the lot. They would have had to call ghost experts. Who is to say that they still aren't there? What are we going to say if the Guys In White stuck around? Or even worse, my parents.

When we arrive, the lot is empty, only showing past signs of anyone having been here. The three of us cautiously walk towards the destruction. Next to me, I hear Tucker gasp before saying, "Oh my…" he stops himself before saying anything else. Sam isn't much better putting her hand around my arm in a vice grip.

Before them stands the evidence of one of my fights. In the daylight, the damage looks worse than it did under the moon, making me feel even worse about our actions than I already do. The ground doesn't look so much burned but scorched. As if a fire had burned away its beauty and left a hot steaming pile of muck in its place.

The few trees that line the property have missing limbs that have either splintered or lie on the ground. Shards of ectoplasm are scattered around in the grass, waiting for an unsuspecting human to fall victim to its goo or a ghost to impale its self on its sharp edges. In the middle of it, all is the spikey ice collum surrounded by the frozen frosty ground.

" So they under exaggerated this time," Tucker said, trying to bring humor to the situation, " who would have guessed." I look away from them, ashamed. " It didn't look this bad at night," I say softly, " It didn't" Unable to meet their eyes, I walk forward towards the Ice. Sam and Tucker tell me not to touch anything that I don't know where it comes from As I get near it. I ignore them and put my hand on the side of the spike. Even in human form, I am still unable to feel any of its coldness. It feels just as warm as the air around us, a little moist but not cold.

Sam and Tucker, at some point, walk towards the spike and join me at my side while I inspect the spike. " What does it feel like to you?" I ask. " Dude, it's Ice, it's cold. What else is it supposed to feel like?" I continue to glide my hand over the ice while telling them to humor me. I watch as they put their hands onto the ice, and as soon as they touch it, their hands go flying away from it. They both hold their hand as if something is attacking them. "Danny, how can you touch that!" Sam exclaims, " that stuff is freezing!"

" It feels warm to me," I tell them nonchalantly as if this is an everyday occurrence. " Danny, this isn't normal," Sam says in a worried tone. I don't say anything in response, knowing that this isn't normal for human beings, not at all. Instead, I stare at the ice, trying to figure out how to fix it, when suddenly, an idea comes to my head. I look towards them and hum to catch their attention, "Hey, do you think you can back up for a second? I have something I want to try."

As soon as they are far away enough, I check and double-check that no one is around. Before going forward on my idea, I yell to Tucker, " Tuck, can you check for cameras and stuff first?" He pulls out his PDA and tells me, " No problem with 'Simone' I'll know if anything is there in a jiffy." I wait a second until I hear him give the okay and start my attempt.

My eyes start to glow an icy ethereal blue as I stand before the spike and tap into my ice core. I can feel the cold rushing through me and out to my surroundings. In my presence, the spike starts to repair itself as I let my core come to the surface. In the middle of the spike, I can feel a connection to myself, its ectoplasmic connection to myself. Instead of pushing the ice out, I pull it in, and before my eyes, the ice starts to melt. Instead of shattering like before, it slowly becomes raw energy becoming a blue-white blob.

I gather as much energy as I can from the earth, defrosting it and adding it to the rest of the blob. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding when all of the ice finished melting. I look around the lot for the scorched places, instinctively knowing what to do. I melt the icy ectoplasmic blob even more into water and send it around to saturate the ruined earth. When the ecto-water hits the ground, the earth lets out a satisfying hiss. The ground looks as if it has partially recovered, making it look like months have gone by instead of only a few hours since the initial conflict. Slowly I let go of my core, letting my eyes go back to their normal human hue. A smile comes to my face at my accomplishment, and I look over at Sam and Tucker. They are both staring at me with huge eyes with different emotions flashing through them: amazement, surprise, and wonder.

I go to take a step towards them when the world starts to spin. I feel myself stumble forward. " Danny!" I hear my name called out in fear and a rushing of feet coming to me. A wave of nausea hits me hard, and I lose my balance falling forward. Luckily Sam is just close enough for me to fall onto. "Danny," I hear my name called out again, " oh my gosh, are you okay?" Feeling too weak to answer, all I can do is groan.

" What are we going to do?" I hear Tucker ask Sam frantically, " we can make it to his place from here, and both of our houses are on the other side of town." The two of them keep coming up with ideas that won't work to get us out of the lot. I try to interject but just moving my mouth causes me pain.

Finally, I manage to groan out a name, "Jazz," but they don't seem to hear me. I try again, a bit louder this time, "Jazz," Sam stops talking, and when Tucker doesn't, I listen to her hit him in the back of the head. "Hey, what was that for" he complains, "Shush, Danny said something." With the raging quiet for the last time, I groan, "Jazz."

A quick vague phone call later and give or take a few minutes, Jazzs' car pulls up, and they give a sigh of relief. I hear a door slam and a worried Jazz making her way over. When she gets to us, I try to look up at her and grab her attention, but I am unable to reach her eyes. " What happened" She interrogated as she crouches down to take hold of me. I feel fatigued and start to lose track of the conversation. The next thing I know, someone has picked me up, and I'm in the car. I feel at ease with the motion of the car as we race home. It doesn't take long for me to close my eyes and fall asleep.

When I come to, I'm staring at the old stick-on stars that are attached to my bedroom ceiling. I cautiously sit up, feeling the strain of an invisible muscle, my core, in my chest. My sister and friends are spread out in the room, passed out exhausted. I glance at the clock next to my bed and read the time 3:18 AM. I try to get up from the bed, but I tumble down onto the floor. The sound wakes up Jazz, making her spring into action, helping me back up. "Hey," she whispers, "don't move too fast. You are still recovering."

I wince a little at the movement. Once she gets me steady, I whisper, "Can you help me get to the bathroom." She nods and carefully helps me to the bathroom. Once everything is situated, Jazz brings me back to my room and helps me onto the bed. I scoot over, making enough room for her to join me, which she quickly accepts.

"They told me what happened at the lot," she says, motioning towards my friends, " What were you thinking trying something like that?" She admonishes. I snuggle into her, getting comfortable before starting my defense, " I was just trying to clean up the mess we make," With a look, I explain further, " Skulker and I fought there last night. It went a little longer than expected. I didn't realize that we made such a mess."

"What about the ice," she inquires. I give half a shrug, " It was unexpected; I don't know how it happened." I tell her truthfully, " I plan to go visit Frostbite this weekend and see if he knows anything." She starts raking her hand through my hair then continues the conversation, " They said you got rid of the ice and fixed part of the ground? They didn't explain it too well. Care to elaborate?"

"It's weird. I just kind of knew how to do it. It was like…." I trail off, not liking the word I need to use. Jazz, unfortunately, knew where to pick up at, "Instinct?" She questions, with my silence being the only acknowledgment she needs. She sighs before saying, "It's okay, you know, to admit it." We lay there for a while before I decide to respond, " I can't." I react in denial, " If I acknowledge it, then it makes it true." Jazz lets out a breathy laugh at that, " So, what if you don't talk about it? It's going to go away?"

" I wish," I mumble, "It's just if I talk about it, then it becomes more real. I can pretend to be normal." She scoffs at my response, " Normal is overrated anyway." I let out a yawn and looked over at the time 4:03 AM. " Can we talk about this later? It's late." She lets out a yawn of her own, having caught mine before saying accusingly, " You just don't want to talk about it." I don't deny her accusation but put some more distance between the two of us and painfully turn over.

What does she want me to tell her? That I feel drawn to go to Ghost Zone? That I like laying around in my ghost form? I can get away with feeling like me under the stars and use insomnia as an excuse, but there is no way to explain anything else. If I told her some of these things, it would just be more of a confirmation of what I already know: I'm a freak.

" Good night, Jazz."

"Good night, little brother."

[aot-snk-4238]

My thoughts on AOT No Requiem (Fanmade Ending) Part 1:

With another chapter of this story coming out soon, I thought now would be a good time to share my thoughts on the first part. Before I do that, though, I have a few things that I would like to get off my chest.

A part of me hates that this project exists. Not because I find it disrespectful, but because it serves as a bitter reminder of what a complete mess this ending caused among many fans. I'm still in disbelief how things got so bad so quickly. First, you've got the people who hated it. People began turning on Isayama and calling him a terrible or incompetent writer, regretting ever getting into the series, insisting that it was worse than Game of Thrones, the list goes on and on. People who liked the ending are now endlessly referred to as "ending defenders" or more crude names like "Isayama cockriders," as though they're a bunch of incompetent fools who don't know the first thing about reading comprehension all because they just happened to like it. And then of course you've got the other extreme end of the spectrum where the ones who were disappointed are accused of not understanding the story or they're only upset because their favorite ship or fan theory didn't become canon. This, too, is very demeaning and invalidating for those who grew up with this series that they gave their heart to and cherished for so long, only to have it do what they felt was a complete 180 at the very last second that undid every part of the story they thought was special and unique. It's one of the hardest slaps to the face you can get as a reader and long-time fan, and while I can't fully relate to everyone's feelings, I can at least understand and acknowledge that it's there and it shouldn't be laughed at. Now with all of that out of the way, here are my thoughts and analysis of this fanmade ending and how it differs from Isayama's.

To start things off, I found that part 1 started off similar to how 137 did in the canon manga, with Armin and Zeke conversing in PATHS. The biggest difference would be kid Eren being transported there and seeing his older self. To be fair though, this chapter was only about half the length of what we're used to reading, so I'm sure we'll get a lot more in part 2 onwards.

While Zeke is enlightening Armin on the history of the earth and how the life form that attached itself to Ymir sought to avoid death forever, young Eren is in PATHS too with his older self, witnessing the moment Ymir found the tree and fell in it to become the first titan. At first, there is no dialogue exchanged between them. They just hold hands and watch. Meanwhile, Zeke is still talking to Armin about Ymir and how she continued to serve her oppressive master despite acquiring godlike powers that would allow her to obliterate him whenever she pleased. This is where the team working on this project attempt to provide their own alternate possibilities as to why this happened in a way that would make more sense than what we were given in the canon story in which she simply had a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome and couldn't let him go no matter how much he made her suffer.

So what are these new possibilities? They come in the form of a question, so their validity is not made absolutely certain, but they're presented as the most likely candidates nonetheless.

According to Zeke, she was unable to separate her own desires from King Fritz and was a lost girl who sought meaning. A place to belong. Tragically, King Fritz was the only connection she had in her life, so she clung to it with everything she had despite it being toxic and abusive. I could argue that these are the very reasons why she supposedly loved the king in the official manga, as explained by Eren in 139, but they weren't explained or touched on as plainly as they were here. I feel like they could have been if Isayama had just been given more time, but sadly the whole thing was rushed and underdeveloped.

Moving on, Zeke states that despite his efforts in trying to understand Ymir and her feelings, it was Eren who ultimately was able to get to her and offer her the choice of freedom. The next page transitions to young Eren standing in the clouds with his arms spread out and a smile on his face just like in the official 137, only this time 19yo Eren is next to him. Now I'm going to be honest here, this is where things started to get a little corny for me. Yeah. I know a lot of people hate that argument, but that's just how it felt to me. And before I say anything else, I want everybody to know that I am in no way about to mock anyone's fondness of this Eren over the one we saw in 139, even if it was a little over-the-top. It's perfectly fine to prefer one over the other, I'm just going to try to explain myself the best I can without coming across as harsh or unprofessional.

Eren is drawn in these panels to be a stone-faced, determined and unstoppable force who will "keep moving forward until his enemies are destroyed." This is the Eren that many people grew most familiar with throughout the series, despite his occasional breakdowns, but something about the way it was executed just felt a little too overdramatic and exaggerated. For me, the contrast between this Eren and the Eren we were presented with in 139 is too jarring. It came across to me as the fandom's idealized version of Eren, the "chad" Eren if you will, rather than Isayama's portrayal of Eren who is cold and determined, but has also been experiencing stunted mental growth ever since the day he saw his mother get eaten; side note: I know that Eren himself was responsible for his mother's death, but that's a discussion for a later time. Not only that, but the "keep moving forward" line starts to get overused at this point. We already heard Eren say this a number of times before 137 where this first fanmade chapter takes place, so I didn't find it necessary to include that at the end, but it seemed to be the writers' way of trying to reinforce Eren's ultimate goal.

Regarding the rest of the chapter, young Eren asks older Eren what Ymir is still waiting for after he showed her that she's not alone. 19yo Eren proceeds to explain that while he was able to make her feel something again, she still needs somebody to free her. He shows his younger self all of the visions from PATHS that he's seen so far, ranging from past events to alternate realities to things that couldn't be changed no matter what. Now there is only one path left that he strives toward. The one that he believes will grant him and his people freedom. This next line is the one that stood out to me the most throughout this fanmade chapter. Still talking to kid Eren, adult Eren says, "When you wake up, you will forget what you learned, but not what you felt here. This will all feel just like a long dream." Only when he kisses Historia's hand will it all come back to him. This line more clearly explains why Eren woke up crying in chapter 1, but couldn't remember why. Then he circles back to how he intends to carry out his own plan to end the cycle of hatred once and for all. Despite his efforts along the way, he couldn't change the flow of PATHS and save the friends he lost or prevent certain events from happening altogether, so he had to accept that sacrifices had to be made. In this case, he will have to literally sacrifice the world, much to Armin's horror.

To wrap this up, I'm going to finish comparing this to the canon 137, but since the first part of this project only covers the PATHS portion of it, that's where I'll stop as well. To save a little but of time, I'm just gonna be lazy and copy the first part of a quick overview of the chapter I found as part of the wiki:

So clearly, canon 137 starts off focusing a lot more on Armin and Zeke's differing philosophies and does not provide any further insight into Eren's ultimate motives like this one does, at least not yet. Armin and Eren are bound to face off soon in this fanmade version, but it looks to me like this time the writers are planning on flipping the outcome and having Eren come out victorious instead, especially when I remember the name of this project and what it's based on. I guess that means that in a way, I already know what's ultimately going to happen throughout the rest of this project. Whether it's going to be considered superior to the actual ending is going to depend on if its executed properly. I could very well be wrong about some of this, though. I want to give it a fair shot since these people have clearly put a lot of hard work and passion into this, so I will refrain from further judgement until we get the full picture. On a side note, I just want to say that the artwork is beautiful so far and I commend every artist responsible for their efforts. I also liked the song choice at the beginning and thought it set the mood pretty well.

Thank you to everyone who read the whole thing. This took me far longer to write than it should have because I'm not always good at expressing myself in a way that does not come across as confusing or contradictory. I will continue to share my thoughts as more content is released, which by the looks of it could be any day now.

[insufferablelust]

THE ARTIST AND HIS MUSE (vi)

okay but that gif sent me to blazing hell, anyways! this is the 6th installment to the series! i hope you enjoy! it’s kinda a filler chapter to make straighten the plot line, thank you for reading! MASTERLIST for earlier chapter.

WARNINGS : Dom!Spencer x Sub!Reader, no actual smut, allusions to sex and pre-BDSM talk, traumatic past, Huge Build up (sorry loves), Cheesy fluffs.

I would also like to say that, some aspects of this story is not consistent with the actual series, i make some changes to fit the plot lines better. Full credit to the creators and directors of the series though.

—————

{ love is a world of it’s own, that lives in the heart not in the head. -Diana & Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds }

————

I love you

I love you.

————

The next morning, had me smiling. It was the longest sleep i’ve gotten in awhile and one that doesn’t have nightmares, all because he’s here. Spencer’s here, i shuddered as i felt his arms tightened around my waist and his legs tangled with mine. It felt so good just to know that we’re both safe and sound inside each other’s embrace, even if it’s temporary.

I listened to his breathing for awhile, he sounded so calm, there’s nothing i wouldn’t do to ease all of his worries and soothe the very thing that had him overthinking everything. His mind is a complicated place, he said so to me one time that “You never know what its like to be the prisoner of your own mind.” he didn’t know then that i’m still trying to get out of mine.

I bit my lip hard, as the memories from last night flooded back, i used to promised myself to not say any of my past to anyone, but now Spencer knows and i’m terrified that something will happen to him. Bad things tend to occur when they know the real me, and i won’t let anything happen to Spencer.

I shake away my bad thoughts and move on to the more exciting time of the night, god— i could still feel the way he touched me, the way he whispered so cruelly yet so lovingly. It was different from the first time we had sex, he was gentle whereas that time he was rough, dominant. I love both Reid’s, and yet i just can’t seem to get the thought out of my head, “How did he know that much about Dominance and Submissive play?” It’s not just common knowledge on how to perfectly bound someone or edge someone right? according to your experience, His techniques were as sophisticated as someone who had years of BDSM training.

“I could’ve sworn that dream was real.” Spencer’s morning voice pulled me out of my thoughts, i turned my head to see him before flashing him a smile and giggled. “Penny for your dreams then?”I muttered jokingly which he told me that it involved me and him, i stifled my laugh as i hid my face on his neck, immediately feeling the immense calmness radiated from his scent alone.

“Remember that one time, on the picasso signature case?” He mumbled sleepily against my hair, “how could i not remember? that case is the one that changes everything.” I looked up to him then, ran my fingers through his hair.

“I remembered just how flushed you are, i always liked you since the beginning, i just.. i just don’t know how your reaction would be so i kept it a secret.” He paused to look down at me, tucking my hair behind my ear, then continue,

“But then i started noticing little.. changes in your behavior, so i observed you for weeks which i know is creepy but hey.. i was practically in love with you at that point, you got anxious a lot around me which you hid it really well but then that one time during a case you just completely went flushed and your pupils were dilated, your breathing labored— which convinced my theory.” He explained, with eyebrows raised and a smirk itching to appear on his godforsaken lustful lips.

“Mmm, which is what Dr.Reid?” I batted my eyelash up at him, not knowing where my sudden burst of confidence appeared from but not caring either. “That you feel the same way about me, if not romantically, then at least sexually.” There it is, his lips curved up at one side— i was about to answer but beat me to it- leaned against my ear and whispered, “Stop with the act or i’ll spank your ass purple.”

“Oh Spencer, you’re saying it like it’s something i wouldn’t love.” I scoffed as i sit up on the bed, then straddled his hips. My respond lit up something inside him, something primal that i can see it in his eyes, his demeanor changed 180 which sent thrill to my skin.

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

“I think i am, and so are you.”

“Oh i am pet, It’s fascinating how much you think you have control when it’s been showed clearly on who’s in charge, by the marks on your skin, and the burning sensation between your legs.” It felt like he poured all the molten lava on top of me to leave me burning, the way he said all of that turned me on beyond belief.

“You forget that i’m in control of you, and by so i can take away the things you ‘love’, when we talk about our relationship later, i’ll make sure spanking won’t be in the list of punishments— since you’re such a needy masochist.” I can’t help but to whine at his words, only to confirm all he said is true, true to every damn detail.

“S-Sorry sir and yes we need to talk about it..” I was so flustered i couldn’t think of anything else but that, i knew if i asked for him to touch me now he would just laughed, so maybe i can try to get back in his good mercy.

“There you go, you have manners after all. We’ll talk about it over breakfast, go and shower, i’ll make french toast.” He make sure to kiss my lips before patting my bum as a signal that I need to get up, which i happily did so. “Oh and sweetheart?”

“Yes, sir?”

“If i find you touching whats mine, Expect to be denied with ruined orgasms for a week.”

—————

The smell of french toast cooking hit my nose on the perfect Sunday morning as i stepped out of the bathroom, quickly drying myself off then went to my closet to pick out an outfit that was both comfy but also would make Spencer goes crazy. I smiled as i saw a vintage dress i’ve owned since college, it was a Sabrina type dress that stopped right above my cleavage, showing plenty of skin from there up to my neck.

I put on the dress quickly, decided not to apply any make up, and comb my hair to let it fall freely. I stand in front of the mirror to see how i looked, the sight made me shiver, the marks he had given me last night littered all over the exposed skin of my neck down to my collarbones, I bit my lips at the thought of bearing more of his mark as a way to show everyone that he owns me. Body and soul.

After a good 5 minutes, i snapped out of my thoughts and head downstairs right to where Spence is plating the french toast. “Go sit on the table. I’m almost done” He ordered, so i sit down, waiting for him to finally see me, my knees bounced against the table as i waited in anticipation.

“Y/N stop being anxious, your knees keeps—“ He demanded, only to be cut off when he saw me. He stopped dead at his track, holding both plates in each hand, his eyes widened a little as his breathing got labored at the sight of me, Spencer bit his lip hard taking a deep breath, before placing your plates in front of me, and his plate opposite of mine.

As you thought he was about to sit, he strolled to my side, hands immediately gripped my jaw and pulled me out of my seat— his hand are so tight around my jaw, i’m sure it’ll bruise, good. I took in the state of him, like i could see the red in his eyes as his were burning holes through my skull.

Then his grip moved lower to my neck, grasped it softly, not enough for it to bruise but enough to give me a warning. “You have no idea how much i want to put a nice collar on your neck, and bend you over this desk right now.” He whispered roughly, his other fingers trailed against my lips side to side.

I opened my mouth so he can pushed them in, letting me suckle on them as he chuckled “We’ll talk first, we have a lot to talk about. But since you’re pretty adamant on teasing my like this, if you agree to be mine later after we establish how this is going to work— best believe i’m going to ruin you.” My knees buckled at his proposition, Doesn’t he realized that i’m already his? He owns me the moment i let him open me up inside out.

“Bribing me already Dr.Reid?”

“Oh baby, i’ll make sure you’ll earn your lesson.”

—————

You moaned the second you tasted that sinful french toast, god isn’t Spencer supposed to be terrible at cooking? then how come this tastes like literal heaven? the perfectness oozes out of this fine looking toast dripping with hon—

“You’re really testing me now, Y/N.” He intertwined his fingers around each other before putting them in front of him, the manner suggest proper intimidation, clearly it worked for you. You replied with a whisper “Sorry sir, it’s really good.”

“Before we start to discuss our relationship, i’ll allow you to ask me questions about anything and everything that’s been going on. You gave me closure yesterday, and i shall give you closure too.” You kept eye contact as you wonder what to ask, which one of the thousands of questions in-your head that you were going to ask.

“Y/N?”

“How um how’d you find out about me? my past?” You nervously asked, this is something important to you, if Spencer truly found out then sooner or later you’ll have to face the consequences of everyone finding out too, probably even deeper than what’s Spencer been digging.

“I had my suspicions for awhile, when you first joined, you looked way too trained to be 25. No one is that trained unless they have basic skillset, everyone were suspicious too but decided to not question anything. But like i said,” His eyes were sharp, and you can feel the goosebumps rises at the sound of his tone. God he always managed to make you nervous.

“You intrigued me. So i did some digging of my own, asked Garcia to hand me your file, to my surprise before the age of 14 Y/N Bones never existed, Your surrogate father is smart, but he still leaves crumb Y/N. I’m just surprised the bureau didn’t question it when you joined,” He paused as he clench and unclench his jaw, the sight alone made me squirm in my seat, i’m not sure if i’m even listening at this point.

“So i searched deeper, even asked one of my friends Elle to do a deep background search about you so that it’s not someone on the team, and we both found out that you.. breezed your way through the psych eval that you have an astounding result. Your records are squeaky clean yet, there are pictures of you when you were 17 so we generate how you might’ve looked like when you were 10 to 15 years old and then we found...”

“The missing kid from a mob murder house in Italy, last seen by the chauffeur that was killed moments after he talked to the police, the poor guy was new— he never been briefed on what happened when something like that occurred.” You finished his statement as you looked down, your eyes closed momentarily as you tried to process that this man knows everything about you and now your secrets will be revealed to the world.

“Y/N, listen to me,” You’re that good at controlling your face whenever someone confronted you, thats why you’re able to breezed through your basic psych eval like a magnet. “Let me see you, not the walls you’ve put up.” Then when he said that, you felt like you never really knew yourself, all these years, you’ve put up a persona that was strong enough to handle everything even if you chipped away apart of your psyche every time something traumatic happened.

“This is me, Spence.. It’s who i want to be..”

“No, it’s killing you. All your life you’ve been directed, told what to do, controlled. But then you gained some sort of control when you finally was able to get free from your surrogate father, yet you don’t like it right out of the start so you keep up because that’s what kept you survive, get you inside the bureau so you won’t legally be touched once your father died, am i correct?”

“Yes.”

“That’s why you tried everything to give up control again, you joined the club right?” That made you red in an instant, How the hell did he managed to know so much about you? you’ve tried your damn hardest to be discreet about it, event as far as going to the club thats far from where you lived.

“I-I, Spencer this is too much information..” You trailed as you bit your lips at the thought of him knowing the inside and out of you like you’re one of his book, part of you were glad that you don’t have to keep everything to yourself anymore, that you don’t have to worry about control— you want to relinquish control, and he’s the only one that has made you feel comfortable when you give him all of you, and you don’t want it to stop. But you two are coworkers, FBI agents in the same field nonetheless there’s no way Hotch would agree to anything you propose.

“I know it is, Y/N. But you don’t have to go through it all alone now okay? i’m here, i know and thats good.”

“What do i have to do? Tell Hotch the truth about my past?” You chewed your lower lips as you think about all the possibilities that could happen, one being the most obvious which includes you being investigated and then fired. Or there’s one where the FBI would uncover Mr.Bones’s ties to Italian mob, which means you put all of them in danger. Then there’s one—

“Stop it, stop thinking for a second, and stop biting your goddamn lips, i swear.” He took you by surprise as he went over to your side and place you on top of the table in front of him before sitting down on your seat himself. “I-I’m sorry, i just.. don’t know what to do.. i don’t want to resign or get fired, i love this job, you’re all my family.”

He took my hand in his, and hold it tight before pressing a kiss on each fingertips, “You’re way too valuable of an agent to get fired and Hotch knows that, love. The worst thing that can happen is they’ll investigate and you’ll be forced to tell them what happened and how it went from there. Y/N you have no absolute ties with them, you were a victim.”

“You don’t know how powerful they are, the reason why i wanted to be apart of this job is to go after them Spence, and i’m getting nowhere close to even find any trace of them.”

“As much of a genius as you are, combining 8 heads instead of one will have a different outcome.” He joked, which makes you chuckled as you sighed and nods “Can i think about it first?”

“Of course, but do know that they’ll find out whether you tell them or not. And it’s better if it’s coming from you, not genius detective work of Garcia.” He sternly remind you, as you nod, and smile at him, muttering a small “okay..”

“Now, do you have any other question?” He pulled you closer, his hand practically grasping your bum cheeks, making you blush. “I-um..” you stopped as the words you were about to let out got stuck on your throat.

“Y/N, when you’re being asked, speak up clearly.” He scolds, which made your heart twisting in an uncomfortable way, showing how much you hate it when he gets disappointed at you. “I’m sorry, it’s just.. um— how did you know so much aboutsubmissionanddominance?” You rushed the last bit as you close your eyes in embarrassment, He made you feel so timid.

“What was that, baby? Didn’t quite hear the last bit?” He muses with a wonderful smirk formed on his ridiculously handsome face which makes you want to roll your eyes but decided otherwise since you don’t wanna get punishment this early.

“Submission and Dominance, Sir.” He play his game, and so you will play yours, only fair right? oh he thought so, his lips quirked in amusement before chuckling,

“How do you think i found out about that club you joined hm?” Your brows furrowed in confusion as you try to click things inside your head before you came to a realization...

“Spencer... are you— are you?”

He’s a goddamn member isn’t he?

“3 years, Princess.”

You’re fucked, Once again.

————//————

TBC! i know it’s short, like i said it’s only a filler chapter, since i have plenty of blurbs req, i’ll prioritize them first. So if you sent your reqs already, please be patient, they’re all coming soon!

tell me what you think on comment or send me a message, Tag list is open just let me know if you want in! thank you!

( @blancastans @spencerwaltergubler @slutforthegubes @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @babybloomer @liaabsurd @midnightsubmissives @addie5264 @maybankslut @secretpickleprofessordean )

[ihaspoorgrammer]

Legend of Korra: Alternate Season 2

In honor of LoK coming to Netflix, I’ve decided to vomit all my feelings towards that show the best way I can - creative writing - In a “What I think Should’ve Happened” essay for your reading pleasure. For those who don’t have the time, I’ll just come out and say it -- Legend of Korra was created with one season in mind, and that’s how it should've stayed.

All the concepts and ideas they introduced in the first season (and The Last Airbender) were more-or-less abandoned by the sequel so they could flounder and come to a deflating end.

So, I wrote this as a way to actually make use of them in a meaningful way that the creators so casually disregarded:

A few months after the battle with Amon, the Equalists have splintered into different cells throughout Republic City. Amon being revealed as a Waterbender weakened them, but that doesn’t take away from the larger points they championed about Bender/Non-Bender inequality. As a consequence, the United Forces soldiers are still a presence in the city, and Chief Biefong has made use of them as additional keepers of the peace, working with the Metalbending police to help rebuild and establish order, and has benefited greatly from the leadership of General Iroh and Commander Bumi.Korra is still airbending training with Tenzin as well as learning about the Avatar State, and she seems to have done a complete 180 in terms of her training; now dedicating herself to it full time to it. Tenzin is naturally happy about this development, but cautions her that the training will have to come naturally and it’s not something she can force, and is wary of how deeply her fight with Amon affected her.   The Fire Ferrets are preparing for their first match since last season against the Polar Leopards, Mako and Bolin steel their nerves while their new waterbender - Tahno - tells them to "relax" and "prepare to be amazed." After putting up a spirited fight, the Fire Ferrets and their opponents are tied. After ganging up on Tahno - who is at a disadvantage, being more accustomed to cheating - is saved by Mako. With seconds left, Tahno subtly bends the water on the opposing team’s side, and creates an ice-patch, causing an opponent to slip. Tahno takes advantage of this, and wins the match with a “Korra Special.” Only Mako notices the cheat.  After the match, Mako approaches Tahno about the cheating, but lets it slide. At Bolin’s suggestion, the two brothers go out to celebrate and invite Tahno along, but he opts out for "training” (after this, we see that Tahno has a picture of Korra in his locker, hinting that he only joined the Ferrets to make it up to her for restoring his bending).Asami has taken full control of Future Industries and personally oversees the production of new satomobiles and has saved Future Industries from bankruptcy with new airplanes designs. However, the company can't shake the black-eye her father gave it and her name, so business contacts have become scarce and shareholders have started pulling out. Worse, the board of directors have begun flexing their muscles to try and squeeze her out. She needs to come up with something good and fast.Mako, Bolin, and Tahno are in the middle of free-for-all sparring, when Tahno accidentally makes ice and headshots Bolin (which makes his vision comically go double). Mako scolds Tahno about it, causing Tahno to storm off.   Later that night on Air Temple Island, Mako brings Korra a meat dinner (Tenzin has put her on a vegetarian diet), but she declines. They begin to discuss Tahno’s participation in the team, which Mako believes was a bad idea, but Korra reminds him that Tahno has cut back on cheating, worked hard, and overall been a good addition (or stand-in for Korra). They share a nice couple-moment and laugh. We see Asami in the distance looking at them longingly, showing that she is still hurt over Mako leaving her for Korra. She starts to walk back to her room when she hears a strange noise in the distance. The source is Commander Bumi throwing his boomerang back and forth. After talking for a bit (and Bumi revealing that the boomerang once belonged to his uncle, Sokka), Bumi allows Asami to give it a throw. After a successful first try, she accidentally throws it through Tenzin's window. Bumi tells her "I didn't see anything if you didn't see anything." As he hops in the bushes to hide and Asami runs away. Laughing.  Meanwhile, a group of once-small time Triad gangs (they were "little people" before Amon "de-bended" the major families), are attacked by members of the Triple Threat. After a small battle, the Triple Threats win, and take with them a powerful bloodbender (or they start interrogating someone), leaving behind a message: “Lightning strikes twice.” ------

After that, Season 2 is in full swing. The Triads are the major Big Bad of this season because the purpose of the show was to be the opposite of Airbender, narratively speaking. So, that means keeping Korra and the cast firmly in Republic City and no more globe trotting.

This puts a bigger emphasis on the characters and their interpersonal relationships (which was the big draw of the show to begin with), rather than having to build up and explain the geo-politics of a new setting.

If they did stay for at least one more season, it probably would have emphasized a larger untapped well; the city was designed to be a 1920’s New York-style “melting-pot”, a place where all cultures come together and mix (Mako and Bolin are a product of a Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom union, and Tahno seems to be the a product of a Fire Nation and Water Tribe union). So, essentially, it’s the architectural equivalent of the Avatar. Just as the Avatar is the synergy of the four nations, Republic City does the exact same thing, just on a larger scale. One more season would better emphasize this fact, and show that despite what people think, it is possible for the four nations to co-exist as long as it’s based on mutual respect and sharing of differences, not domination of differences. This imaginary second season could also be used to address multiculturalism in any number of ways. 

Maybe the new Big Bad could’ve been a terrorist group dedicated to keeping the nations separate and "pure," and see the City as an affront to the Avatar’s “true responsibility.” And maybe Korra can see that, despite its flaws, the city and what it represents is worth saving. It also would have emphasised the “super-hero” aspect of the show; Korra being a Superman-figure who constantly has to protect her Metropolis from ever-constant calamities.  Another aspect that could’ve been added, was that the people of Republic City could’ve helped the Krew. You see, the citizens of Rep. City are constantly infantilized to the point of helplessness until Korra and co. show up to help. The opposite approach would have emphasised the multicultural aspect of the city, and how when push comes to shove, they are all one big family.Maybe even having a scene like from the original Spider-Man movie where the citizens actually help the Krew out, saying “you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!”

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

From my perspective, there’s no better way to kick this off than introducing this monkey-wrench into the Krew’s system -- the return of Lightning Bolt Zolt, Mako and Bolin’s adoptive father.

See, in the backstory that the show never did anything with, after their parents died, Mako and Bolin became part of the Triads. Though Mako stresses to Korra that he only "ran numbers" for them during his time there. . . So either Mako is a mathematical prodigy, or he's lying. Because I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say he probably received no formal education on the streets that would enable him to work for the Triads in that capacity. So that begs the question: why would he lie? What did he do during his time working for the Triads, that would make him leave and never speak of it again? It’s because he was specially trained by Zolt personally. Learning Lightningbending in the process.

Now, Zolt will use this connection to manipulate Mako for his own purposes, which involves getting his bending back, which will of course drive a wedge between him and Korra.

Zolt may be a bastard, but he was arguably more of a father to him than Mako’s actual father, and that kind of emotional connection is hard to ignore. In fact, it’s such a shock to his system that his Lightningbending stops working.

Which brings him in contact with General Iroh.

When we first meet Mako, he’s determined, blunt, stubborn, and reserved. Understandably so, seeing as how his parents were murdered in front of him Batman-style and was forced to basically raise his little brother on his own, on the streets. As a consequence, one of his most defining characteristics is his inability to relax. He’s constantly trying to fix everything, constantly trying to help everybody, and constantly trying to remain in control. So, Avatar-style development demands that he gradually realize that he can’t control everything and learn to relax, allowing Bolin to become his own person, and learning to go with the flow. Which is something they actually didn’t do in the fourth season. He was largely extraneous to the story and they actually took every opportunity they had to show how useless he was.

Meanwhile, Bolin starts being approached by Lin Biefong, who believes the young man has the potential to be part of the Metalbending police force, despite his claims that he can’t Metalbend. However, Lin eventually realizes why he never could; he’s never had to apply himself. You need to have an unrelenting drive to force the minerals within to move, and that’s not something Bolin has ever needed. In Season 4 of the actual show, I almost applauded it for having Bolin sign up for the army because I thought that’s exactly what he needed -- a place to apply himself. Mako being such a mother-hen accidentally stunted Bolin’s emotional growth, never allowing him to mature and become independent. Which could lead into a very Sokka-like confession:

B: “Do you want to know something really terrible; I don’t miss them. Mako was the one that really knew them. I remember bits of things, but … They’re just … People I didn’t get to know. Mako’s the one that’s always been there for me.”

So here, Lin takes it upon herself to be his teacher and actually show his true potential. They grow closer as a result, and she and Bolin start developing a mother-son relationship. When we first meet Bolin, he’s immature, a show-off, something of a womanizer, a shameless flirt, and a goof-off. The unifying detail with the Bending Brothers is that Mako was sort of holding them both back; Mako’s over-protectiveness never allowed him to choose what was best for himself, and stunted Bolin’s emotional growth into becoming a more independent adult. What they could’ve done - if they wanted to save time - was to have their character arcs work off of each other -- while Mako becomes more relaxed and free-spirited, Bolin becomes more responsible and goal-oriented.

The only other place that the phrase “wasted potential” belongs besides in association with Tahno we’ll get to in a minute, but for now let’s focus on him. The creators once said that they “care about all the characters … except Tahno,” which should show the lack of imagination that was rather systemic in the thinking process there (and what liars they are).

From the start, Tahno is clearly deeply affected by Amon stripping him of his bending, even if Korra gave it back to him. And while he still resorts to cheating now and then, it’s not entirely because he’s a natural cheater … it’s because his bending hasn’t completely come back, and neither has Korra’s for that matter.

They’re both so traumatized by Amon’s Bloodbending that they’re experiencing “hiccups” in their powers.

Korra has tried to deal with it by doubling-down on her Airbender training to “find inner peace,” while Tahno is just trying to ignore it.

Eventually, their arcs cross paths, and they bond of their attempts at healing, having to come to terms with the fact that the “body heals only after the mind heals.” Which further draws a wedge between her and Mako.

Now, there is still a love-triangle here, but it’s in service to why Mako and Korra were brought together in the first place: they aren't supposed to be like Katara and Aang, where it was love-at-first-sight. They’re supposed to be the more realistic couple that have problems and have to make compromises because they love each other.

Love isn’t something that just happens, you have to work hard at it and make the other person happy without looking for the advantage. Relationships - both platonic and romantic - need to be built on mutual trust and understanding, and with understanding means taking a person for both their good and bad qualities.

Infatuation is the kind of love that is more shallow and doesn’t last.

Under direct orders from Fire Lord Zuko himself, General Iroh has started staying at Air Temple Island to watch over the Avatar, which leads him to becoming an unofficial therapist to the people staying there, namely Korra, Tahno, and Mako.Iroh is unique among the cast because he’s inherited Uncle Iroh’s position of someone who already has everything figured out themselves.

He grew up with loving parents and loving grandparents, and we learn that he had the honor of being one of the first firebenders taught by the Sun Warriors, who Zuko spent most of his life helping reconstruct (where he gained the nickname, “The Young Dragon”).

This new living situation makes him a part of the Krew later on, and brings him closer contact with Asami, who he develops a rapport with. And finally, we come to Asami, who is still dealing with losing her father and potentially losing everything else.

You don’t have the founder of a company be linked to a terrorist organisation and expect that company to survive, no matter what financial magic you can conjure. Which is something Asami is learning all too well.But in this madness, she meets two people -- Commander Bumi and General Iroh (who’s under an official Fire Lord order to watch over the Avatar).

She soon becomes Bumi’s ward, eventually, Bumi will act as a surrogate father for Asami, and she will help him organize, and win, a blimp race. From then on, she starts exclusively referring to him with the honorific, "commander."

They become so close that he starts teaching her everything Sokka taught him. You see, because Aang spent more time with Tenzin and Katara more time with Kya, that meant that Bumi ended up bonding with his non-bending uncle, (who later in life became master Piandao’s best student).

That’s why Bumi carries around Sokka's boomerang; Sokka was probably more of a father to him than Aang was.

So Sokka, never having children of his own after Suki tragically died, taught Bumi everything he knew, including how to recreate Space Earth Metal.And, after they grow closer, he decides to trust Asami with this sacred technique. … 

Which she immediately tries to patent and market in order to save Future Industries. However, when she learns how deeply she hurt Bumi by doing this, she finally cuts her losses and sells the company. After that, she decides to pursue a different career, perhaps by joining the United Forces. 

And, while all of this is happening, Tenzin is informed by the White Lotus that global bending birth rates are going down with the modernization and mechanization of the world. Signifying that people's disconnection with nature and spirituality is robbing them of their bending.

Just like what happened to the Fire Nation.

And if this rate continues, in a few generations, bending might completely disappear.

------

Avatar: The Last Airbender was aimed primarily at children and early teens, because those are big transitional times in young people's lives. But late-teens and early 20's are also big transitional phases in young people's lives. Perhaps even more so, because those are the times where you have to learn how to be an adult. A very alien concept.

So, Legend of Korra seemed primed to tackle the challenges of this time, but for one reason or another, they never did.

Despite having a golden opportunity to say some meaningful things about interracial families and multiculturalism, they instead, did nothing.

This is a quote from a Tumblr post who I sadly can’t track down, but it speaks volumes to what AtLA represented to people:

“You need ALL these things to survive and grow, to hold up your community and push yourself forward. You need to unlearn myths and lies, reform them to fit new realities. You need to respect the past but mold it for the future. In short, you have to “draw wisdom from many different places” while keeping true to who you are and where you come from. IDK if the creators of AtLA thought about these things when crafting this story; I think when a story is well told, with authenticity and love, it has the potential to illuminate many perspectives and strike empathy in many different people. Diasporic consciousness is incredibly valuable because it teaches us a different way of being, a way of interconnectedness and mutual love. The Gaang symbolizes this perfectly: it took all of them with all their different skills, to end the War and restore peace and balance. A diasporic consciousness has the same power: to model a newer, more just, more empathetic way of life.”

Tying into this, I think all the Avatars were wrong in their assertion that the four nations needed to be separated. Think about it. Every single nation failed, in their own way, because they were isolated: the Fire Nation became too proud of its own accomplishments, and became a fascist regime. The Air Nomads' loose and "free" nature allowed the Fire Nation to easily wipe them out. The "go with the flow" attitude of the Southern Water Tribe - similar to the Air Nomads - made them easy targets for the Fire Nation; while the Northern Water Tribe "froze over," becoming rigid in their doctrine and tradition, and could never stand against the Fire Nation alone; and the Earth Kingdom fell too far into its "virtue" of endurance, and became a military dictatorship with a puppet king, cutting off any ties to the outside world. 

“It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If we take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. Understanding others, the other elements, and the other nations, will help you become whole.”

While the "separate, but equal" stance towards the Four Nations may have been a good idea in the past, in recent years, it's proven to be a recipe for disaster. Most, if not all, of these failings could've been avoided if there had been more open dialogue between the Nations. There is a saving grace in the form of the Order of the White Lotus, but seeing how they all kindly fucked off until the shit really started to hit the fan, I can hardly see how they were a solution to the problem. Now, I really don’t know what else to say. I wrote this entire thing as an exercise to show how Legend of Korra failed in its duties to be an equal to its predecessor, because I was a fan.

Not just of AtLA, but of Lok as well. I watched it, I invested in it, and I was disappointed by it.

Others may have had all their hopes answered by the ending, but I was left with a pit in my stomach over how far the mighty had fallen.

And I don’t look forward to the show being adapted into live action because I don’t think I can take seeing all the lapses in creativity and common sense all over again.