#its got the tinfoil hat look to it

[pavloving]

best ending possible of the worst season LOL

[coff33andb00ks]

İdk i just got hit with this shitty idea 😭😭 drabble list thingy 5 40 60 64 and 70. BUT WITH ACADEMIC RIVAL OSCAR? IDK ITS KINDA STUPİD BUT STİLL 😭😭

driver + number = drabble <3

warning: author knows nothing about academia 😳

"Idiots, they're all idiots."

You glanced up at the sound of his voice, perplexed. Then, realizing he couldn't possibly be talking to you, you turned back to your work. You'd come here in the hopes that you'd be able to finish your paper without the distractions in your dorm, and so far–

Thud.

The heavy backpack landed on the tabletop with much more force than necessary and you glared at its owner, who - horrifically - was pulling out the chair across from you. As usual he was wearing his stupid burgundy shirt under his stupid black hoodie, and his hair was falling into his eyes with that stupid little swoop.

The only thing stupid about Oscar Piastri was his lack of style.

"You don't mind do you?" he asked, already settling into the chair with his coffee.

"I'm annoyed, to put it mildly," you muttered, staring at the backpack crushing the corner of your pencil pouch.

"Ah well, the feeling's mutual." He pulled his backpack towards him and threw down a copy of the local newspaper. Odd, that he actually read a physical newspaper instead of getting his news online like everyone else born after 1985.

You carefully maneuvered your pencil pouch closer to yourself and tried to focus on your paper. Intent to ignore him, you managed to type out two whole sentences before he snapped open the newspaper. Darting your eyes towards him, you watched the morning sunlight dance over the angle of his jaw.

Too bad he was such an insufferable know it all. Half the students that you knew from the classes you shared with him called him Hermes Granger behind his back, he was that bad. Always had the correct answers in lecture. Always top marks. Always, always, always, while you were just behind him.

Except the one time, but he'd been in hospital due to his roommate Lando accidentally tripping him and fracturing his rib, so that didn't really count.

"Did you hear about this?" he asked suddenly, thrusting the newspaper in your direction.

You looked from the paper to him, half expecting him to pull it away before you could take it. He didn't though, and you turned it so you could read the small headline.

No Evidence of Foul Play in Missing Money

Frowning, you read the small blurb about thousands of dollars that had seemingly vanished from a local charity. "How can there be no foul play?" you asked after reading it through twice. "It was there one day and gone the next."

Oscar nodded. "Exactly. And you know who's on the board, right?"

"Dude, I barely know my roommate's name most days..."

"Yeah I reckon you've got too many classes–"

You narrowed your eyes at that, missing half of the rest of what he said.

"–the mayor."

You snorted on a laugh. "Are you insinuating the mayor stole the money?"

He wasn't laughing. Or smiling. In fact, you were pretty sure you'd never seen Oscar smile. Well, that pained half smile when Lando dragged him to a party, but otherwise...

"You can't be serious," you said. "He's the mayor. He's got plenty of money."

"Does he?"

Rolling your eyes, you slid your laptop close and tried to focus on your work again. "Didn't have you down as a conspiracy theorist."

"It's not a conspiracy theory though?"

"The mayor, who lives in a mansion and drives a Ferrari, stealing ten thousand dollars from a charity?"

"People in power have stolen less. He's very good at hiding secrets. Like his brother's company being behind the factory buyout last year? The government doesn't want you to know this, but every one of them are crooked."

"What do they put in your coffee?" you asked with a roll of your eyes. "Do you get a tinfoil hat to go with it?"

He scoffed. "I thought you were smart."

That surprised you. You didn't think Oscar thought about you at all. "So what do you suggest, Oscar? We storm city hall and demand the mayor give the money back?"

He pursed his lips and dipped his head to one side as though to indicate the idea had merit. "Or we could sneak in after hours and poke around."

"Break into the mayor's office," you clarified.

He nodded. "Tonight after dinner?"

"Set off alarms, get arrested, and go to jail."

He winced. "Yeah, maybe not our brightest idea."

"Excuse me, did you–"

"But we can still do dinner, yeah?"

"Idiots. They are all idiots." / "I'm annoyed, to say it mildly." / "The feeling is mutual." / "The government doesn't want you to know about this." / "Not our brightest idea."

[rryylleer]

This is gonna get a little conspiracy-y so hold on to your tinfoil hat but I feel so sad bc in some ways it feels like Dead Boy Detectives was set up to fail from the start.

First there's the time it was released. Idk about other counties but in the U.S. rn its finals season in school, meaning the bulk of the people who would watch this show (teens and young adults) are busy trying to get through final exams. I have a feeling if the show was released in the summer it would be doing better numbers than it is right now. Hopefully viewship picks up as we move towards summer but I also know shows that don't do well in the first week tend to get the ax.

The other thing is that I think DBD is becoming an innocent victim of a self fulfilling prophecy that is entirely Netflix's fault. Literally everywhere I look that has anything to do with DBD someone is complaining about Lockwood and Co. getting cancelled and/or refusing to watch DBD because they don't want to get invested in another show just for it to get cancelled after one season. This is the part that will likely get DBD cancelled (God I hope not) and it is heartbreaking bc it is an incredible show that doesn't deserve a boycott bc of Netflix's past bullshit.

So if you are one of the people who are refusing to watch bc your a Lockwood and Co. fan PLEASE WATCH IT. I get it, it sucks that your show got cancelled, but boycotting DBD will not make Netflix change their minds. If you loved Lockwood and Co. You will almost certainly enjoy Dead Boy Detectives. So please give it a try bc if this show gets cancelled bc of low viewership I will literally go insane :)

[fischlich]

pondering corrupted storches....... im stroking my wizard beard deep in contemplation. this straight up might make zero sense but eurm. i dont think theyre real! at least not in the same way the corrupted eules, mynahs, and stars are i'm under the belief that sierpinski is currently the only place being Fleshed for Real. nowhere is straight up noneuclidian and also at the bottom of a mine and rotfront seems to take place during ariane's time there. also ariane's room is straight up in the wall and the train still runs despite the Flesh i say this because corrupted storches only appear in nowhere and rotfront! at least if my memory is correct that is.. not to mention theyre a bit more? Weird? than the other corrupteds. the stars, eules, and mynahs are all visibly "oh yeah that guy got fleshed. shucks." but storches have an entire leg sticking out of their face, not to mention that leg looks different from their actual legs (for example, it isn't jointed!). How does that even Get there?

while I can definitely see the argument that it's just even More proof that reality is breaking down and both nowhere and rotfront are the result of reality eroding into flesh thanks to ariane, I think its more fun to consider it an off-branch dimension like the red desert that can distort reality as it pleases, including making storches grow legs for faces! In the "normal" dimension, Sierpinski is the only place fleshed, nowhere doesn't exist, and rotfront is proudly flesh-free. Or it could be that ariane pulled those places from space and time and fleshed them in the off-branch dimension and theyre just Missing from the normal one. I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out why there's no corrupted storches on Sierpinski when we see a dorm room full of dead ones ripe for the fleshening. and it's not that replikas can't be fleshed once they're dead, on the worker floor at the beginning of the game there's two visibly dead and not-fleshed eules who become corrupted eules later on.

so why not the storches? why do they only appear corrupted in nowhere and rotfront? i can tell you..... let me get my tinfoil hat on first... its because they don't exist! and neither does nowhere or rotfront! at least not in our dimension! love wins! this probably makes no sense sorry i ponder this game so often

[genericpuff]

You should watch Jack vs. Webtoons video on Lore Olympus before it gets wrongfully taken down.

His video pointed out something I wasn’t able to put into words until now. Lore Olympus has a real bad dialect problem. One second the characters are talking like they’re in a Shakespeare play which makes sense, sense they’re gods or what not. The next second you’ll have characters saying shit like “blue balls” “clout chaser” and “you’ve got a young wife with a fat ass”. It probably wouldn’t bother me if certain people talked a certain way like how Hera doesn’t use any slang and how Hermes uses some but all the characters vocabulary are the exact same.

Honestly I can look past the art and it’s inconsistencies but having dialect jump from regal to tiktok facebook slang makes my brain hurt more than glossy lipped Hades and bug eyed Persephone.

I checked it out, it's pretty great haha and yesss this is something that's been discussed before but I haven't really ever made a post about, the dialogue is CONSTANTLY flip-flopping between royal talk and "hello fellow teens" quipping. Sometimes it feels like it's trying to be like Marvel and then other times it feels like it's trying to be Bridgerton. I can think of no better example than all of the "pedigree" talk, it makes me squirm every time I read it because in the modern context of LO, it SCREAMS eugenics. The whole B-grade goddess thing made sense, until they started talking about Persephone like a poodle:

But then you ALSO get INCREDIBLY stiff dialogue that makes it seem like the comic is either being written by AI or Rachel is actually a real life version of Michael Afton post-scoop:

And yes, there is a tinfoil hat theory that LO is being written by bots at this point because I don't know how a single person could write something so tonally confused. That said, I do think the more reasonable explanation is that Rachel is likely copying dialogue from shows and movies she's watching and just tweaking it slightly before slapping it into LO. She's not observing why the dialogue works in the media she likes, she just knows she likes it and slaps it in there without any regard for context, tone of voice, or personality.

And that leads to, as you said, all the characters sounding the exact same, and that metric by which they all sound the same changes all the time. I think at this point the only reason we haven't seen Hera dropping TikTok language is because she hasn't been onscreen long enough for her to get the chance LMAO That said, we've definitely gotten some weird inconsistent dialogue with Hera as well:

(like she's essentially saying the exact same thing across both of these panels but one is being said by an adult and the other is being said by a teenager lmao)

I think the dialogue is definitely one of the most glaring issues with LO, among all of its other problems. It just never feels like it's being written by a human, there are problems with this even as far back as S1 but it's become especially apparent in S2 onwards.

To finish off this ask, here's one of my favorite dialogue mishaps in the entire series, from S1, in which Apollo literally adopts an askew English accent:

[sabrondabrainrot]

It's tinfoil hat times I have more observations for eagle eyes listeners (yes a Nightvale ref)

This will contain spoilers for recent TSAMS and LAES!

I gotta go to bed so I won't be able to contain everything but just some stuff I noticed recently and something I've been thinking about.

I won't be as organized as usual, warning spoilers below!

Picking apart what Dark Sun said and did...he used the word expunge. I don't know if this is problem of VA's picking a word that sounds cool...or they picked it know what it means? Expunge is a word that means 'to remove', 'delete', 'strike from the record'. So...why would he collect data on Sun's choice to kill Nexus and expunge that across the multiverse? Why would deleting that make Suns turn on Moons? I'm too tired to think about it past this but...it's interesting. What if D!Sun did delete something?

The biggest thing between Sun and choosing to kill...its his love and trust...but I wonder how Sun's decision to choose the greater good and his family would delete something? That sparkle nighttime Sun was beating his Moon while crying that he hated him...but did he actually? How can we know? I can't wait to find out more about the entire Sun on Moon violence. D!Sun said it was his hate for Nexus but that's not the case...because Sun himself stated he still can't get himself to hate Nexus. We also know, the only reason Sun's magic worked was because of what Ruin did...so I think my theory about the NSP and SP interacting to possibly make Nexus into a new being still stands. D!Sun knew Ruin planted that device when he made Sun choose.

I feel like history just keeps repeating itself where Sun's choices will never be choices and his decision will always be made for him. Moving into more stuff! The recent episodes omigod!!! Moon! He finally stepped up! I still have many things to point out though. I was talking in @goodolddumbbanana dms because like...we're both still disappointed by the episodes...(I won't type the entire dms cause like I want banana to do their piece too without me speaking over them)

When Moon talked to Sun at the pier, he still managed to make it about himself. Did anyone else notice that? He turned it into his normal "I hate myself" routine. He proceeded to let Sun know he's the best brother ever...but Sun just...I don't think he believes it. Even if Lunar and Earth also both tell him that. Even Solar. He just won't believe it.

Looking at how Sun's entire...existence has gone, it's pretty understandable why he'd think and feel this way.

He hasn't been shown by his family (except Earth) he's the best so why would he believe it? Especially coming from Moon who's done nothing but lie to him and break promises. Moon stepped up but...was acting annoyed to take care of Sun. He just was acting like he was ready to get stuff over with. Then...When Sun finally asked the million dollar question. "Did you hate me? Do you hate me?" He's always been asking that and never got a straight answer. Moon has always acted like he really did hate him in the past. Worst of all? Moon told Sun he did.

He told his emotionally beaten brother who's soul is shattered, that 'Yes Sun, I did hate you'...Moon...being honest in this particular situation...I don't think it's the best idea.

Moon, to an emotionally unstable - highly fragile - Sun, basically confirmed Sun's darkest fear. The soul deep ache Sun feels. It's not...gratifying...Sun may now have closure that 'wow he treated me like that because he did hate me' but the big issues with this? Moon has not really changed how he treats Sun. He stopped physically hurting him but he still hurts him. In small ways. We saw that first hand in the last few eps. He left to avoid Sun entirely. He broke promise after promise. He'd rather throw himself a pity party then buck up and just be there for Sun.

Sun always leads with the best intentions. He tells Moon he loves him. He encourages him. He builds him up. (I think i've said this before lol)

Then we get the MVP Earth ep. That episode was honest to God beautiful. Earth is an amazing sister and Kat knocked it out of the ball park with her vocal performance today. She put in so much emotion. I like how Earth's breaking point wasn't her taking care of Dazzle or Sun. Her breaking point was how her family was treating her and Sun like shit. They both left them to their own devices. It was so sad. I was wondering when they kept showing Solar who was taking care of Sun and honestly it makes so much sense it was Earth.

Then in the same episode she said Lunar is acting strange. I'm going to be honest, I know exactly why Lunar is acting mad at Earth.

I don't get a ton of opportunity to talk about Lunar. In the recent episodes his sorest spot was prodded by Taurus. Taurus is basically telling him to get over himself.

Which...I don't agree with how Gemini and Taurus are going about it. Letting go of your hate and hurt is so important but them just telling Lunar to do it isn't going to work. He needs to be taught how to.

So why is Lunar mad at Earth? Never forget, Lunar hasn't developed much he's still a very selfish immature person. He's mad at Earth he's stagnating. He's blaming her for his stunted emotional growth. He chose to numb himself to deal with his emotions and if he admits that was wrong then it'd be a long time of wasted efforts. He would have so many regrets if he admits he's been doing everything wrong.

After all, If Lunar wasn't so apathetic about N!Moon would he have made a difference in him becoming Nexus? (No, but Lunar could be thinking about that)

Lunar, I believe, is blaming Earth for not 'fixing' him. He doesn't understand he needs to want to change himself for it to happen. (it's the same thing for Moon, he knows he's flawed but has given up on improving) I think Lunar just kind of assumed Earth was supposed to automatically make him better with him not doing any work himself.

Then the crux of why he's mad at Earth.

It's simple.

She's friends with Eclipse.

That's really what it is.

Think about it, he hates Eclipse. Eclipse is now in the front of his mind to the point he's acting odd and watching Nutella ads for hours. He's trying to mute his rage. What Taurus and Gemini said would anger anyone.

Telling a victim to not only get over their abuse but also get along with their abuser? It's plain wrong. Lunar has the right to hate Eclipse, the only problem is that it is harming him. Hatred will always be someone's undoing. It is a negative, putrid thing that only destroys.

He's been shoving his emotions down for so long they're bound to explode. I know Lunar loves Sun and wants to be there for him but he's been apathetic for so long now he can't. So he's lashing out and projecting his own self anger onto Earth. She's right there after all.

Solar is basically acting like a keeper to everyone and despite doing better for Sun, Solar is still emotionally distant. Moon physically isn't there. Lunar won't lash out at Monty. He won't take his frustration out on kids like Dazzle and Jack.

Earth is also just...too nice. So yeah, I absolutely understand why Lunar is angry at Earth. He's being totally unfair and immature about it too, because it's not like there's other problems, ie Sun is literally broken and can't leave bed.

but I digress, I like that Moon is stepping up. I just hope he doesn't keep dropping the ball. I think Sun right now truly doesn't think Moon cares...Moon is going to have to do a lot to show him otherwise. I'm glad Lunar finally checked on Sun and I hope he does it more often, because Sun loves Lunar too. He loves the entire family. Earth was right to cry about how they were failing Sun.

I'm really proud of Earth and Solar for stepping up to help Sun.

[songbird-of-eden]

A CLUE?! The Missing Death Theory

Good Omens S2 SPOILERS below!!!

Okay, it has been the nocturnal habit of mine over the last 3 days to suddenly dwell on the Good Omens finale and scrutinise every detail in a sleep-deprived thought soup.

And apparently, tonight, my last two remaining braincells fired up their little engines and decided to put something rather interesting together.

One thing that got me when I watched the finale was the book that Muriel was reading. "The Crow Road."

So I decided to give it a quick Google, and realised the opening line of the book is one that Gabriel, or Jim, stumbled across earlier in the season. It goes like this:

"It was the day my grandmother exploded. I sat in the crematorium, listening to my Uncle Hamish quietly snoring in harmony to Bach's Mass in B Minor, and I reflected that it always seemed to be death that drew me back to Gallanach."

Now, you may be thinking, okay, but what does this have to do with anything? And you would be right to be confused, but hear me out.

Death has a major, reoccurring influence in S2.

Yes, we have the obvious coffee shop "give me coffee or give me death" reference (this has a major point that I will get to a little later, but please, bear with me). But that is not the only one.

Throughout each episode, Death has been raised and eluded by numerous characters. In ep2, Jobe's family were saved by our ineffable duo. In ep3, we have the incident with the graverobber and stopping her from calling it a day. In ep4, we have the rise of the nazi zombies. In ep5, our unfortunate fellow from the ball gets thrown to the demons and appears to die, only to make a reappearance later on in ep6, albiet looking a little nibbled on.

And then there's the fact that miracles, as Crowley points out, are measured in "the power required to raise people from the dead."

Still with me? Okay good. Because its gonna get a little more crazy from here. Time to break out the funky tinfoil hats.

So, yes, many of the characters seemingly ellude death, right? Not a big point at first glance, considering the upbeat nature of the show... until you consider this.

Whilst in the coffee shop, the Metatron asks whether anyone ever chooses death instead of coffee. A weird line to be sure - perhaps an awkward statement of an angel unsure of how to interact with mortals. Totally plausible, right? Well, what if it was a test?

Nina claimed to remember everyone by what they order, and replied that no one has ever chosen death. I mean, I would hope so, but what if Death was no longer a thing that happened?

What if our devious Metatron wrote Death out of the Book of Life, considering that Death is a being instead of a simple concept as shown in S1 - and so the Metratron was asking as a test to gauge Nina's response. To figure out if his alteration had taken effect?

Okay, yes. It sounds a little wild, but if that is not the case, it does not mean that something is not going on with Death.

Going back to The Raven Road book, the plot follows a boy in pursuit of uncovering the mystery around his missing uncle. So perhaps, it is not so crazy after all to believe that something, or rather, someone is missing.

Which leads me to another missing creature.

Remember that heartbreaking line from Crowley? "You hear that? No nightingales?"

It was the dagger in many fan's hearts, but potentially held another meaning. Because in the poem: "Ode to a nightingale", the bird is used to represent, to an extent, death. As well as the concept of immortality.

Which means it's disappearance may be signalling a strange shift in the world.

Which brings me to my final point. We are in the home stretch now kiddos!

The second coming. The Metatron's grand plan.

In biblical text, it states that the Second Coming will be a sudden and unmistakable incident, like "a flash of lightning".

Now, where else did we see lightning? Hmmm. What about Crowley's enraged outburst that sealed poor Maggie and Nina in the coffee shop?

Which makes their line an episode or two later even more interesting...

Maggie: "Did it all start with the lightning?"

Crowley: "No, way before that."

Does this mean that events were starting to be influenced and set in motion way earlier as the Metatron began to tinker in the book?

We also have the name of S2 ep1 being called "The Arrival" - a name the Second Coming is sometimes referred to as, along with the text: "For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel's call and with the sound of God's trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise."

So, just take a moment to digest that.

An archangel's call. Well, we've had two of those - Gabriel calling on Aziraphale as well as Aziraphale being called to heaven. Then we have the trumpet that plays whenever Micheal and co descend from Heaven, a sound Aziraphale actually asks whether Maggie could hear.

Which leads to the final part: the dead in Christ will rise.

People are not dying as they should, be it from the influence of our ineffable duo, or perhaps, it is the Metatron's plan after all. A way to start the second coming.

Even the opening credits alludes to this with Crowley and Aziraphale seemingly leading a crowd of humans out of hell and through various time periods, but perhaps I really am getting ahead of myself.

So yep. Something is very up with Death.

Anyway. I need to be up in 5 hours for work. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk before the incoherent babbling begins.

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Stolas, Blitz, and the Full Moon

The painful dramatic irony I feel about Stolas and Blitz having their meetings on the Full Moon haunts me every time I think about Helluva Boss (which seems to be often, lately).

So get on your literary tinfoil hats, because we're doing a literary tinfoil hat kind of ramble.

So let's talk about why—the full moon in particular—is such a *choice* for their monthly tryst.

For some quick science. The full moon is when the moon is completely illuminated by the sun. In turn, the moon also reflects that light to earth and back at the moon. They are in full alignment and shine their brightest.

So, metaphorically, this does well represent how when Stolas and Blitz started their contractual agreement, they were in full alignment: they each got what they wanted from the deal and it worked for them. Also, Blitz is ostensibly of lower class than Stolas, so putting Stolas in the place of the sun and Blitz as the moon is a pretty apt way to symbolize the distance in status and power between them (more on that later).

Over time, though, it has become more and more of a strain on both of them because, unlike the moon, they are no longer in alignment. Stolas doesn't want contractual, he wants love. Blitz is growing increasingly uncomfortable with what he feels beyond the contract and every time Stolas pushes those boundaries, he lashes out. So, when the full moon once was this very effective metaphor for their dynamic, things are shifting and turning their meeting from an apt moon metaphor to the dramatic irony it is now. Because while Stolas and Blitz don't notice how fraught the situation is, we, the audience, know that these two, regardless of whatever feelings and potential they may have, are not in alignment anymore. They are not a full moon. And it's no surprise that the upcoming episode, "Full Moon" seems to be all about that misalignment finally catching up to Stolas and Blitz.

So, if you think I'm painting curtains blue, it's time we gotta talk about "Look My Way".

The best evidence that all these moon shenanigans have been at least subconsciously purposeful and very clear to the fans and creators is this music video.

Let's start with the owl man context. Stolas is already a lifelong scholar of the stars, placing him in the perfect position for the cosmos to be a way he relates himself to others (also see any and all of his exchanges with Octavia).

In "Look My Way", Stolas enters this imagined cosmic space. At first, he's among the stars as a godly, large being, representing his status as a prince and a "watcher of these ancient rites". He's far from others, especially people like Blitz. However, as the song goes deeper into his feelings for Blitz, not only does he begin to cradle one small, moon-like celestial body, but in the next scene he's suddenly below that body as it floats above. He's gone from godly omniscience to a man on earth, looking up at the stars.

This is Stolas realizing Blitz isn't just some little rock that reflects his light and makes him feel good (circling back to that moon science). Instead, he's realized that like the puny humans of earth, the moon makes him feel small and illuminated. And these size changes all are symbols of the power dynamic (at least in Stolas' eyes; we can talk til the cows come home that objectively Stolas' status always has him in control. But let's roll with the bird man on this and focus on emotional control). Here, Stolas realizes his depth of feeling for Blitz and how desperately he wishes to be more.

Then, Stolas imagines a world where they are on the same plane. The moon isn't so small or so large, and he can reach out and touch its contents—Blitz.

Now, the video ending with him trying to fly up to the moon and falling is clear: He's resolved to try to put them on that equal footing and is willing to risk failing, falling, and losing it all if it means he might have that more equitable relationship as Blitz. If they might have find their full moon again, but a different kind.

But, can they find a full moon without one of them reflecting on the other?

This is the kicker that stirs up so much fan shenanigans. Because yeah, the full moon being a representative of their relationship is *painfully* apt. Let's go back to the science for a second. If you look at a full moon, you're looking at a version of the moon lit up by the sun's light. What you're seeing is not the moon all on its own. And on the flip side, the sun disappears behind the moon, fully eclipsed by night and the moon, losing itself in this configuration. And you can see the problems with this kind of alignment as a metaphor for a relationship.

Because if they were on the same footing, they wouldn't be a full moon anymore. To be the kind of relationship Stolas wants and Blitz is afraid to want, their alignment has to change entirely. Not one body reflecting on the other, not one disappearing behind the other, not a star and a moon. But, instead, side by side. *They have to become different celestial bodies entirely.* And understandably that's a huge fucking leap. It's why this fandom gets in very heated debates about whether their relationship could work or not, because there do have to be so many large, inherent changes in themselves as people and the way they interact to become the kind of relationship they both want.

But I guess we will just have to wait and see if they can pull it off or not.

Anyway, given I spent 30 minutes writing this, I'm going to stop listening to Helluva Boss music or I'm just gonna keep doing this all day.

[underworld-park-offical]

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: You

TWEEK: Mister

TWEEK: Tinfoil

TWEEK: Hat

TWEEK: Guy

KENNY: Stan

TWEEK:  What

KENNY: His names Stan

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: I'm not gonna remember that

TWEEK: You said you had

TWEEK: Like

TWEEK: A bunker

TWEEK: Right?

STAN: Yeah

CRAIG: Dog shit covered ahhh barn 💀

TWEEK: Why is he saying Skull emoji out loud

TOLKIEN: Not even WE know at this point

KYLE: We gotta get him to stop that

KYLE: It's more annoying than KYLE: ….Whatever….. Stan's got going on

CRAIG: Omg not you slandering me 💀

CRAIG: Don't even rn you look like the Goodwill shat you out

KYLE: Fuck you

KYLE: You know that Supreme hoodie isn't even real Supreme, right?

CRAIG: Lmao what

CRAIG: Me when I lie

KYLE: Nonononono

KYLE: Look look look

KYLE: It says “Souprem”

KYLE: It's fake merch dude

KYLE: Its as fake as those fucking yeezys

CRAIG: ….

KYLE: …Dude?

CRAIG: No that's my other hoodie

KYLE: Are you fucking serious

KYLE: You aren't even rich stop acting like you are

CRAIG: Nuh uh

KYLE: FUCK YOU MEAN NUH UH????

TOLKIEN: Kyle, just give it up

TOLKIEN: Trying to convince Craig he isn't rich is like trying to convince a toddler to wipe their own ass

TOLKIEN: It's not worth it

CLYDE: …. CLYDE: Why do I feel like that was directed towards me?

TOLKIEN: Because It was, Clyde

CLYDE: OH COME ON I WASH MY OWN ASS

TOLKIEN: NO THE FUCK YOU DO NOT YOU SMELL LIKE A TACO BELL CLYDE: FUCK YOU CLYDE: AT LEAST TWEEK LIKES ME TOLKIEN: OH SURE SURE SURE TOLKIEN: TWEEK DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE YOU TOLKIEN: THERE'S NO WAY SOMEONE LIKE TWEEK WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO AFTER YOU, YOU FUCKING TESTOSTERONE FUELED SHITSTAN

CLYDE: THANK YOU FOR ACKNOWLEDGING I'M TRANS BUT FUCK YOU FOR INSULTING ME

TOLKIEN: YOU’RE VERY WELCOME, FUCK YOU TOO

CLYDE: YOU KNOW WHAT?? I BET YOU 30 BUCKS I CAN PULL IN TWEEK WITH MY MANLY AWESOMENESS

TOLKIEN: I BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS YOU CAN'T

CLYDE: FINE

TOLKIEN: FINE

CLYDE: LETS FUCKING GO

CLYDE: I'LL ASK OUT TWEEK AND IT'LL BE THE MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER

STAN: Hmmm

STAN: At my barn we could like

STAN: Use my dad and my sister

STAN: As like

STAN: Food

KYLE: Dude no

KYLE: I am not resorting to cannibalism

CARTMAN: Kahl, you’ve eaten animals, that's basically like eating people

KYLE: Okay mr “forty big macs in one day”

CARTMAN: Uhm, actually they're vegan chicken patties KYLE

CARTMAN: ALSO did you just ASSUME my GENDER????

CARTMAN: YOU ARE GETTING C A N C E L L E D

CARTMAN: I WANT A TEAR RIDDEN UKELELE FILLED APOLOGY RIGHT NOW

KYLE: Oh my GODDDDD

KENNY: Actually studies show that most human meat is similar taste wise to chicken

CRAIG: I thought it was pork

CRAIG: Like

CRAIG: Deadass

CRAIG: Like pigs

CRAIG: Like deadass pigs

KENNY: We know what pork is CRAIG 

STAN: Yeah

STAN: So we’re fucking set

CARTMAN: Uhhh no thanks, i’d rather be one with the animals and eat dirt and hay

STAN: We don't even have animals

CARTMAN: I’ll just eat the weed then

STAN: What

KENNY: What

KYLE: What

CRAIG: LMAOOOOOOO IM DEADDDDDDD 💀 💀 💀 

CARTMAN: What???

CARTMAN: It's like eating catnip

CARTMAN: Besides its environmentally friendly

STAN: What's your source

CARTMAN: Wikipedia

STAN: Ooooof course it is

STAN: The internets lying to you, you know

CARTMAN: Fuck off, Stan, Queermo

STAN: IM TELLING THE TRUTH HERE

TWEEK: HhhhuGiyhvfdeiohjd

TWEEK: OKay

TWEEK: Cool

TWEEK: We’re set on a TOTALLY ANONYMOUS LOCATION

TWEEK: Awesome

TWEEK: Great

TWEEK: Dandy even!

TWEEK: Everyone

TWEEK: Lets hold hands

CRAIG: I am not touching Clydes fucking shitstained hands

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: I’ll hold Clyde's hand

TOLKIEN: Why do you wanna touch Clydes hands thats fucking nasty

CRAIG: For real

CRAIG: Preach 🙏🙏🙏

TWEEK: I don't care

TWEEK: It's just for a bit TWEEK: I can wash my own hands afterwards

CRAIG: EWWWW FAGS

CLYDE: Aww… really?? :D

TWEEK: Fine

TWEEK: Sure

TWEEK: Whatever

CLYDE: Nobody other than Tolkien has wanted to hold my hand before! :DD

TOLKIEN: Was that before or after I figured out you don't wash your hands

TWEEK: Who else is fine with

TWEEK: Touching Clyde

CRAIG: Stop making me have gay thoughts, Playboi Carti

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: I don't

TWEEK: I'm not

TWEEK: Just

TWEEK: Hold hands

TWEEK: You all have socks on

TWEEK: I think

TWEEK: So it's not gay

CARTMAN: Uhm erm erm erm

CARTMAN: Actually

CARTMAN: That's a homophobic statement

TWEEK: CRAIG SAID A FUCKING SLUR?????????

TWEEK: WHAT???????

TWEEK: IM TWEEK: HUH TWEEK: WHAT TWEEK: OKAY

TWEEK: JUST TWEEK: JUST HOLD HANDS TWEEK: STOP MAKING THIS HARDER FOR ME

CLYDE: Wow

CLYDE: I forgot CLYDE: What holding hands felt like

KYLE: Woah

KYLE: This reminds me of the first episode of My Little Pony

KYLE: Where

KYLE: Twilight and her friends

KYLE: Find the friendship trinkets or whatever

KYLE: And they reverse the curse on them that turns them into stone

KYLE: And they used them to like

KYLE: Defeat Nightmare Moon

KYLE: Turning her back into Princess Luna

KENNY: That was so fucking gay

KENNY: I feel like I'm gonna vomit rainbows because of you

CARTMAN: Kenny stop being homophobic

CARTMAN: I will cancel you again

KENNY: Fuck off I know that blue hair you wear online is a wig

CARTMAN: BITCH-

TWEEK: SHUT UP

TWEEK: ALL OF YOU TWEEK: MY SATAN

TWEEK: CAN YOU ALL GO LIKE TWEEK: TWO MINUTES WITHOUT FIGHTING AND OR DEGRADING EACH OTHER

KENNY: ….

CARTMAN: …. KYLE: …..

LITERALLY EVERYONE: …..

CRAIG: Slllaaa-

TOLKIEN: Dont

TOLKIEN: Just

TOLKIEN: Do not

TOLKIEN: Actually, you’ve lost speaking privileges

CRAIG: 😡

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Is

TWEEK: Is everyone holding hands

CRAIG: yeah its like Kumbaya frfr

TOLKIEN: Stop talking

TWEEK: Okay

TWEEK: Alakazam

TWEEK: Alakazane

TWEEK: Im sending you off this mortal plane

KYLE: Wait wha-

CRAIG: Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe! Like And Subscribe!

KENNY: Yoooo

CRAIG: Like and Share! Like and Share! Like and Share!

TOLKIEN: Haaaaa

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: Was that

TWEEK: Magic Trick

TOLKIEN: What

TWEEK: Hey you have a lot of free time when you live in a dumpster

CRAIG: Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link! Copy link!

TOLKIEN: Whatever, please for the sake of our brain cells, never do that again

KENNY: I dunno

KENNY: I thought that was pretty cool

CRAIG: Kombucha? I LLLOOOVVVEEE KOMBUCHA! Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA Kombucha? I LOVE KOMBUCHA

TWEEK: Alright

TWEEK: Humans

TWEEK: Freaks

TWEEK: Whatever your names are

TWEEK: Get in the fucking barn

TWEEK: Now, quoting the safety psas from Estella,

TWEEK: Don't open the door for strangers, Don’t investigate any random noises, don't take any offers from strange men in white vans, don't help anyone, if anyone says they're friends of your parents do not trust them

TWEEK: And for goodness sake,

TWEEK: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

CRAIG: I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis! I'm addicted to Takis!

STAN: One, what are we, five?

STAN: Second

STAN: It's a backup bunker, not  a barn

TWEEK: WHATEVER! JUST- GET IN

TWEEK: DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR NOT????

STAN: No

TWEEK: …

STAN: …

TWEEK: ….

STAN: ….

TWEEK: ….

TWEEK: O….

TWEEK: Kay…..

TWEEK: Just…..

TWEEK: Get in the barn

STAN: Fineeeee

STAN: Whatever

STAN: Fuck you

CRAIG: [ Gotta sleep in fucking pig shit this sucks fuck this ]

CLYDE: Hey

CLYDE: Hey CLYDE: Hey Tweek

TWEEK: Arrrghhh…What….

CLYDE: Do

CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think

CLYDE: Do you think we CLYDE: Do you

CLYDE: Do you think we could

CLYDE: Maybe

CLYDE: Like

CLYDE: Go to like

CLYDE: Dennys

CLYDE: After this???

TWEEK: Whats

TWEEK: What's Dennys?

CLYDE: Oh

CLYDE: Uh

CLYDE: Maybe we could like

CLYDE: Go to Olive Garden then?

TWEEK: What

TWEEK: What's an olive?

TWEEK: And

TWEEK: And what's a Garden?

CLYDE: …

CLYDE: Oh you poor

CLYDE: Sweet

CLYDE: Summer child

CLYDE: You know what

CLYDE: I'm gonna take you to the Olive Garden

CLYDE: And you're gonna have the time of your fucking life

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: O

TWEEK: OKAY?????

CLYDE: Alright

CLYDE: I’ll see you there babe

TWEEK: Uh

TWEEK: UHHH

TWEEK: WHAT

TWEEK: DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE TWEEK: WHAT???

TOLKIEN: Don’t fall for that shit

TOLKIEN: He doesn't wash his hands

TOLKIEN: Or his ass

TWEEK: Why's that relevant?

TOLKIEN: IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING?????

TWEEK: CHILL OUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD

TOLKIEN: YES IT IS??????

TWEEK: …Whatevs

TOLKIEN: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????

(edits made by @pissblanket)

[itsclydebitches]

Once again putting on my weekly Teddependent tinfoil hat...

Alright, with the ever important disclaimer that no, it's not likely to happen and it's never been likely to happen and it won't in any way be queer baiting when it kinda-inevitably doesn't happen out of the way, LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW "STRAIGHT" IS A MEANINGLESS DESCRIPTOR IN THIS CONVERSATION.

It's all about the ✨context✨

First off, as numerous posts have already pointed out, Ted is technically speaking in the past tense here: "back in the early days of my coaching career" was when he was a "straight fella." This obviously doesn't eliminate the possibility that Ted is still straight, but if he has come out as queer since then, acknowledging that would defeat the whole purpose of his story. He's not looking to come out during the halftime of an important match, but rather to emphasize how "normal" he was back then and, as a result, the ways in which he got creative trying to express his individuality. If Ted had instead gone, "Back when I thought I was straight but wasn't able express that part of my identity because I hadn't realized it yet and/or had been too afraid to come out in midwestern America" that's not only an iffy way to out your protagonist in a show that has treated queer rep very delicately this season... but also totally derails his story. Both in-universe (you want to give the characters time to react to this, especially a potential love interest like Trent who is in the room) and from a writing perspective (the whole point here is for Ted's story to impart the moral of the "right idea sitting behind a couple of wrong ones") then a coming out moment is going to fit awkwardly here and detract from the anecdote's purpose.

Thinking more broadly, do we honestly believe that Ted hasn't changed since those early days? This show is all about growth, so - for me anyway - describing a young, new-to-coaching Ted doesn't imply, "That's still a descriptor that fits him" but rather begs the question "How much has he grown since then?" Notably, two-thirds of what else Ted lists about himself is no longer accurate. He's not working in middle America anymore. In a linguistic twist, he doesn't have a career in "sports," but "sport." And though we have no idea (as far as I can recall) if Ted is still afraid of tattoo needles, he certainly strikes me as the kind of person who would work to overcome that fear, whether he actually wanted a tattoo or not. The Lasso Way, by default, impacts Lasso himself. And here I'm admittedly reaching, though I find it intriguing that Ted's potential growth is couched in a 'Close, but not quite' metaphor with that comparison. Meaning, Ted's point about his goatee is that he went too far and had to pull it back into a "Foxworthy." Kinda like how, living in midwestern American with all its expectations and homophobia, he might have gone too far into a 'I'm definitely, 100%, absolutely-no-doubt-about-it straight' identity only to later pull back into 'Actually? I'm bisexual.'

Notably, this is metaphorical change comes about when his best friend - Ted's closest confidant and the man he trusts most in the world, someone who is INCREDIBLY queer-coded - tells him a hard truth about what's "not a good look" for him.

On his wedding day.

Which he then proceeds to compare to eating Bigfoot's ass.

Like I said, reaching, but given the loaded metaphors in this show (Oh hey, what does it mean to label "sport" the metaphor and then gift Trent that nickname?) I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this was later reframed as more than just a passing joke.

However, the real point is that Ted has changed, a theme that's at the very heart of the whole show, but has been particularly prevalent the last two episodes. Trent freaking throws himself after Ted (WHAT A DORK) in an effort to explain how all these small, incremental changes have led to a monumental outcome - notably one that explicitly allows footballers and their associated club members to feel comfortable expressing all aspects of their identity, sexuality included. The idea that Ted has remained near-static since those "early days," growing only when it comes to what we've seen on screen (therapy, coaching, divorce, etc.) feels antithetic to the show as a whole.

Which brings me to the meta-y question of, "Why now?" Why, after nearly three whole seasons have we suddenly had Ted drop the "straight" bomb? Why is this coming after an explicitly queer episode with not one, not four, but FIVE queer characters re-affirming their queerness, coming out to each other, or coming out to the audience? One of whom is an older, thought-he-was-straight man who has only recently come out after being married to a woman? That's not at ALL the backstory fans were expecting for Trent and it just feels like a mighty big coincidence to me, giving us that surprising trajectory alongside a casual claim the next week that, 'The straightest straight character to ever straight has randomly reaffirmed that he's DEFINITELY straight (but with plausible deniability).' After all, the show never needed to address Ted's sexuality - the marriage and midwestern everything implied enough - and certainly his speech about individuality didn't have to use that as an example. Given how completely unnecessary it was, I'm inclined to figure that a) the writers - who I assume are fairly knowledgeable about fandom trends and fan expectations/desires - tossed it in as a way to let us all down easy (which is totally understandable and I'm sorry it didn't work on my part lmfao) or b) ... they want to lay the groundwork for a plot about Ted's sexuality. They want that nugget of implication to either undermine the, 'He's still straight!' assumption later, or take Ted through the process of questioning his sexuality now.

"But, Clyde, we only have 5 episodes left!" Yeah, fair, but the show also has a tendency to race through some development (in still satisfying ways) while allowing other aspects to simmer. Basically a Roy and Trent vs. Jamie situation. Jamie has had a series long journey, slow and steady to the point where it sometimes shocks you just how much he's changed. In contrast, outside of a little groundwork in season one, we introduced Roy's personal hatred of Trent, the motivation for that, their conflict, reconciliation, and budding friendship all in one episode. It is possible to do a lot of important work very quickly, especially when the show is potentially laying down hints along the way. That's why to all us queer folks, Trent coming out last episode wasn't in any way a surprise: we recognized the coding that was happening in the background. If Ted/Trent did somehow happen - either as an end-game romance or Trent acknowledging an unrequited crush - we'd likewise have a wealth of analysis going, "See! This has been in the works since 'I like your glasses'!"

(Btw, none of which is even getting into Trent's absolutely FERAL adoration of Ted this episode that reads like a crush the size of Kansas)

If I'm being honest, at this point in the series I don't think Ted is going to wind up with anyone. I never came into this show expecting my (back then) teeny tiny ship to have any chance of sailing... and really, I still don't. But I am surprised by - and excited by! - the potential the show keeps giving us, in a way that doesn't feel at all malicious to me. If (when) Ted and Trent part ways as just friendly dorks, I'll have come away from the series not feeling like I was delusional, but rather that the writers were saying, "Here, this is a cool concept. We like it. We support it! It's not what we personally wanted to write, but we're going to give you the tools to keep playing with that possibility." Which, you know, is pretty much what I'm doing right now.

So if hearing Ted say he's straight produced a little nugget of disappointment, take heart! Even if I'm just talking out my ass here, it makes for good canon-compliant explanations in fic :D

[if-mirrormine]

morning news

summary: kennedy's reaction to finding out that mc has reappeared.

word count: 552

based on the ask (and request of many): please write the drabbles with kennedy and alex’s reactions to the news of mc returning there is interest!!!!! i am so interested!!!!!!

**unedited//i don't know how to write a news report**

traffic is slow, crawling along slowly and kennedy taps her fingers against the steering wheel, impatient and without rhythm. she's tired still despite already having one cup of coffee at home and another in a flask sitting in her cup holder but it's obvious the longer she sits there in a barely moving vehicle that it's not the kind of tiredness that yearns for sleep. no; she's tired of the days melding together into one, the routine of waking up and going to work and coming back home only to the exact same thing the next day.

with a heavy sigh, she reaches for the radio in the hopes that music of any kind with soothe the restlessness she feels. but when she hears the spoken voices of the two radio hosts, she signs again. it's just her luck that she'd tune in on the news break. she can't bring herself to flick between stations however so she sinks back in her seat, letting it play.

"good morning, listeners, and welcome back to newsbeat radio. i'm your host, nick harding."

"and i'm your other, more talented host; mai vinh. we've got a truly baffling story to discuss this morning, don't we, nick?"

"you can say that again! in a shocking twist of fate, missing person mc renfield has reappeared after disappearing exactly ten years ago. the circumstances that they've returned under are just as mysterious as the ones they disappeared - it's almost like something out of a movie."

kennedy feels her heart stop beating as she rips her eyes away from road ahead to the radio, as if expecting to see the mc right there. their face flashes through her mind; every word spoken, every laugh, every shared look between her and them plays on a loop and she feels as if she's reliving each one.

mai takes her turn on the mic. "someone call hollywood! after a decade full of dead ends, the community can finally breathe a sigh of relief knowing that mc is alive and seemingly well. but the question on everyone's mind is, where have they been all this time?"

"the authorities have been tight-lipped with the details of their investigation," nick says, taking on a somewhat annoyed tone of voice. "but i've got some theories. i think we're dealing with something much more complex than your average kidnapping."

as if a switch has been flipped, kennedy suddenly feels as though she breathe again and she's already in the process of turning her car around when the conversation goes back to mai.

"watch out listeners, nick's got his tinfoil hat on!" she jokes. "i can't wait to hear what conspiracies you've come up with."

in a strange and sudden burst of anger, kennedy slams her hand against the off button, silencing the radio and leaving a tenseness hanging in the air. the nerve of them, she thinks. mc is a real person that people care about and yet they're treating the case like its a joke. she grips the steering wheel tight as she presses her foot down on the accelerator.

she has to see them, she has to make sure that they're okay, that they really are back. alive and well. safe. she wouldn't be able to function otherwise.

and she knows exactly where to go first.

[prahelika]

love your recruitment headcanons!! do you have any for benji/will/jane?

benji i can see like wrong place, wrong time getting caught hacking into something big (or not an accident at all?)

but those two i'm not sure...

Thank you so much! This is a lovely question.

I'm inclined to agree with you on Benji. Sometime after graduating from Oxford, he acquired a low-level job as a white-hat hacker, maybe? Got bored, hacked into something important (MI6??), got caught, got offered a clean break.

Brandt... Hmm.

What do we know about Brandt? He's by the book. Has a tendency to ignore impulses in favour of the rulebook, but can be convinced to step outside the box if the situation demands it. He's an analyst, the Chief analyst. Looking at the timeline, it couldn't have been more than 3-4 years between the Julia fiasco and his rise to Chief Analyst. So, he must have had prior experience. I think a case could be made that he has parallels to Benji, as in, he was a low-level analyst in the IMF before deciding to undergo field training one day.

But that doesn't answer how the IMF got its claws into him in the first place, does it? Here's how I think it went down. He was a security analyst for a high-profile tech company. Some discrepancy in the expenditure sheets led him to conclude that there was something fishy going on behind the scenes. He contacted the authorities immediately, from where the case was handed over to the FBI. He was ordered to become an informant, and collect data without raising anyone's suspicions. Unfortunately for him, he jumped the gun and confronted/confided in one of the higher-ups who then pinned the whole thing on him. In comes the IMF and sweeps him away, and William Brandt develops an aversion to disobeying orders.

We know even less about Jane than we do about Brandt. It's tempting to just say she was a conwoman or assassin or thief, and leave it at that. But that's no fun. So out come the tinfoil hats.

We know that Jane is a good fighter, but not great at seduction missions. (Side note: Ethan backseat driving Jane's flirting with Anil Kapoor is a scene that lives rent free in my head. Be Venus, Ethan? Seriously?) However, she's experienced enough that they gave her command of the mission to retrieve the nuclear launch codes.

I think, as far as Jane is concerned, a simple explanation is key. She might have been involved with the army, as, say, military police. That would explain her skills in combat and her mission planning chops, while still leaving relative inexperience in matters of honeytrapping. Unfortunately, police codes of conduct and personal codes of honour don't always intersect. She might have tampered with evidence to let a morally innocent suspect walk away, which would then attract the attention of other unsavoury people. One thing leads to another, and then, she finds herself thrown in a cell, accused of being an accomplice to a criminal - upon which the IMF swoops in and saves the day.

That's all I have for the moment, and tbh these sound like a bit of a reach. But headcanons are fun so.

[n--n]

One last touchstarved theory thingy bc I’ve almost purged my brief obsession!! It’s mentioned by both Leander and Vere that the one running the Senobium- and thus its shady policies- is someone called The Abbess. An Abbess is a nun in charge of the nunnery, so I can only assume she is gonna have some sort of religious symbolism related to her like Kuras and Mhin do. Unfortunately the literal one-sentence blink and you’ll miss it lines are all we have to go off for her, but I’m excited to see what she’s really like in game! (From the attitude both Vere and Leander have in those one-off lines, it’s clear she’s almost certainly a villain).

Some misc, tinfoil-hat theories:

- Elyon, as a powerful noble, likely works with but opposes the Abbess. He owns most of the brothels in Lowtown apparently so he has incentive to keep the divide between hightown and lowtown, but as someone with power he probably chafes at the control the Senobium has over hightown

- Sen, from her one-sentence descriptor, is a revived warden seeking her own death. Almost certainly one of the Senobium’s experiments, not sure what a warden in the context of the touchstarved universe is but probably a Fancy Jailer for the Senobium like the word usually implies. Maybe the experiments left her with such a painful condition she’d rather die? Or it could be more supernatural, in that she can not Rest until her unfinished business in Eridia is Taken Care Of.

-The Abbess could be the one that initiated the changes at the Senobium in the first place a generation ago, since immortality is confirmed to exist in-universe (see Vere being chained “Centuries Ago”)

-I think Leander is meant as the sort of “starter LI”, since the demo and supplementary info give us the most info about him while at the same time holding back just enough as to be intriguing (see: the countless Leander-specific theory posts that started this post lmao) I imagine his route will tell us the most about lowtown, fogfall and Eridia at large, whereas Vere/Mhin/Kuras will tell us most about the Senobium, and Ais will tell us most about the overall world, magic (fogfall again), monsters (like the soulless), and of course Ais’s boss/“friend” Ocudeus and the Seaspring

Other thots:

- I’m most excited for Leander’s route for obvious reasons (hot + will get to meat of story + I want to see What’s Really Wrong With Him so bad) but also know that will make me more disappointed if he turns out to be Just Some Asshole. I want him to be a monster bc he commits atrocities like the rest of them, not because he’s a reminder of the shittier guys I’ve met. That being said I know I’ll probably still really like the character if they do go that route, since the overall writing from the demo is super engaging and solid in quality- which bodes well for the final product

-Speaking of writing, I’m loving that different backstories actually have weight in the narrative. I love when the player is actually rewarded with info for making a choice, instead of it just being one or two flavor text things. Choosing different backstories affects your red dialogue options (the romance-y choices) and gives you different attitudes towards events in the story, making replay ability high

-I’m worried by how successful the kickstarter is since I Have Been Burned last times I backed videogame Kickstarters (Blue Omen Operation, Homestuck Game) 😭 The team seems experienced and competent, since most seem to have come from Nix Hydra/other successful otome games that got killed by poor management. But like, still really worries me since it’s their first game and all. The demo was so good but so was Blue Omen Operations and look where that landed me ($15 less in my pocket from backing years ago 🥲)

-On a lighter note, this game is clearly a passion project and I’ve loved what I’ve seen so far- if I have enough money to spare before the Kickstarter is over, maybe I’ll get it just to support the devs

-getting so obsessed w the demo even if only for a week or so has reminded me Oh Yeah, I Forgot I Love Gothic Horror. If by some miracle you’re still reading this drop a recommendation pls

[bxngthedoldrums]

a petekey reading of so much (for) stardust

aka you knew i'd do this aka i didnt take four literature classes in college for nothing aka make sure your tinfoil hat is SECURED to your noggin aka dear lord forgive me for committing sins of petekey in the year of 2023

look. i have to do this or i don't deserve this blog. amen

~ love from the other side

okay. yea, immediately the "you were the sunshine of my lifetime" thing is sort of sus, because we all know pete wentz and anytime sun or summer is involved it's Something. this is solidified in "summer falling through our fingers again" in verse 2, but it's interesting that he uses "ours" in this lyric bc i feel like recently most of pete's summer lyrics have been pretty self-inflicted. it's impossible to not note the whole "inscribed like stone and faded by the rain" in the bridge v. "the tombstones were waiting" line in bang the doldrums. i shant even elaborate u can pick up what i'm laying down!

~ heartbreak feels so good

i think this song is pretty light on petekey imagery but "light from a screen of messages unsent" kinda reminds me of "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" in ginasfs but i could be reaching for Sure. let's be real that's all i do

~ hold me like a grudge

honestly i think this is one of the worst petekey offenders on the album. this one had me gawking at my screen as i read the lyrics. "thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" ??? be SERIOUS pete... "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" yeah I GET IT I GET IT !!! the whole thing reeks of 2005 summertime fling

~ fake out

"do you laugh about me whenever i leave?" bonkers ass line,,this reminds me of pete's lj writing in those years after 2005,,,"my mood board is just pictures of you, but i'm not sad anymore" YEAH. this is SO pete holy fuck. that classic wentz obsession,,"we did for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change" this line's got me on the fuckin FLOOR. also classic pete!!! his perchance for nostalgia is just insane and he really feels it huh

~ heaven, iowa

i dont even know how to get into this one. "kiss my cheek, baby, please/would you read my eulogy?" SICK and TWISTED evil!!! evil!!! "i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" jesus h christ the melancholy is off the charts but holy fuck this song is so,,,tender? i dont know wht to say but i know this was written w summer of love intention. i know this in my heart. "scar-crossed lovers, forever" OKAY I KNOW !!! this song is DEVASTATING verse 2 is fucked UP and the bridge is too!!! "closed my eyes inside your darkness and found your glow"???? i cantr og on

~ so good right now

i can't really discern any particularly petekey lyrics in this one right away but the whole "i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be" is pretty fucking wild

~ i am my own muse

there's some really sad lyrics in this one ab the whole future-not-going-as-planned thing that comes up so frequently in pete's writing but honestly the whole "let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer" thing made my head explode. every lover's got a lil dagger in their hands!!!

~ flu game

im not gonna sit here and type out ths whole fucking song but oh my GOD bro. this song to me is a really nice callback to pete's older style of lyricism but that comes with the self-deprecation and all the other really sad shit. it's beautiful! it's horrible! i love it!!! its about mikey i cant even pul out a few lyrics just LISTEN

~ baby annihilation

another fucked up one that literally anyone else in fob should have vetoed but OKAY?? "time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer" MAN SHUT UP. "self sabotage at best, under your spell/but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself" ..........dude. if you're like me and you've poured over pete's oooold lj posts from the mid 2000s you already get it, but if you havent,,,go do it and get back to me bc this is TOO MUHC im unwell. "what is there between us if not a little annihilation?" i think i hauve covid

~ the kintsugi kid (ten years)

this song is really fucking sad actually. there's so much fear of being forgotten on this album and it's showcased really beautifully in this song,,,mayhaps not the most obviously petekey song but god damn

~ what a time to be alive

this song's about covid and quarantine n it's pretty easy on the whole suffering from a fling in 2005 thing! good job pete and fob

~ so much (for) stardust

this song is kinda suspicious but there's very few lines that really solidify it as a petekey song,,, altho "i think i've been going through it, and ive been putting your name through it" is a really interesting lyric. and OF COURSE, "in another life, you were my babe/in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime" happy xmas war is over

[someidiotwithalaptop]

Alright: What the FUCK happened to Summer???

Because something sure did, and every new thing we hear about her gets more disturbing, and it haunts me.

So, I'll start with stuff that's fairly certain and like, small leaps of logic before I go full tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist. We have very little actual info about Summer, nearly all of it from different characters talking about her.

From Yang we get the basic facts from her family's perspective: Summer was a Huntress who went out on a mission and never came back. We also get the characterization of, "Super-Mom: Baker of cookies and slayer of giant monsters."

From Qrow, we learn that 1. She was a brat, which like, honestly STRQ was probably just "oops! all brats" 2. He thinks she would have pressed on if she knew the truth, which, uh, she almost definitely did. "We don't have to kill you to stop you," is not the sort of thing you say to Salem if you don't know she's immortal, that's all I'm saying. 3. Whatever her final mission was, she didn't tell him or Tai or Ozpin. I'm inclined to believe Ozpin when he says he genuinely doesn't know what happened to Summer, since his biggest secret is already out—plus he's been genuinely repentent about the mess his lying caused in Volume 6 and is taking steps to do better in the future. It would feel really weird thematically if he knew and was keeping yet another giant bomb of a secret. So Summer went on her final mission alone, or at the very least, she didn't tell any of Ozpin's inner circle where she was going.

We'll get to speculating about why not later, but I think this point is probably going to be important in Ruby's character arc—whatever Summer's ultimate fate, she got there because she tried to save the world alone, and we've seen Ruby do something similar. Like she's not running off after Salem by herself, but she's definitely trying to shoulder the burden of leading and inspiring everyone to keep going all on her own, without asking for help as that responsibility has been slowly yet systematically destroying her mental health. I mean ffs she's been literally carrying her team on her shoulders for two episodes now.

HOWEVER: Oz, Tai, and Qrow don't know anything about what happened to Summer, but it's possible that Raven might. When Ruby tries to reach out to her and convince her to work together, because they'll have a better chance than if they try to do it alone, Raven says, "You sound just like your mother," in truly the most bitter, disdainful-ass tone I have ever heard. And then she opens a portal for Cinder to throw a fireball at her. Whether this is about a more generalized friction that maybe contributed to Raven leaving, or a specific moment when Summer tried to get her on board with whatever she was doing on that final mission, is kind of uncertain. Or it could be both!

(And it might also be she married my ex bitterness but, admitting my biases here, I hate that fucking trope with a fiery passion and I think it's more interesting if her anger at Summer is actually about Summer.)

Regardless, if Summer did ask her for help, then based on how Raven reacted to Ruby I don't think she got it lmao

And then. Oh, and then. We get Salem!

"Your mother said those words to me. She was wrong too."

"Her again?"

So like. Salem definitely met her. Had a whole-ass conversation with her, even.

And that fucking smile??? Salem did some shit to Summer. It's just a question of what, exactly?

Right. Okay. So after they kill the Hound and realize WHOOPS that was a person and he looks an awful lot like Ruby! and everyone reunites, Ruby says this:

"When I saw its eyes, I knew. Salem used to kill people with Silver Eyes, like Maria. But she’s always wanted me alive. Why would that change unless, when she met Mom, she learned she could do something new?"

Timeline-wise, this seems accurate! But I'd like to also insert TR into the equation. It's a little hard to tell given the uhh, body horror of it all, but he definitely looks younger than Qrow (which is maybe not saying a lot given that Raven looks at least ten years younger than Qrow and she's his twin lmao) and, more to the point, like he's probably younger than Summer.

Like, yeah, hard to tell, but I don't think this man is past forty. And even if he is, it doesn't seem like Salem's had him for very long, seeing as she never sent him after Ruby or the relics in previous volumes. So he's probably an example of what Salem's been doing to SEWs after Summer.

Also, Salem calls him an experiment, and says that so far she's pleased with the results. Meaning Summer isn't exactly a Hound, though I wouldn't say that puts grimmification off the table. Just that it's not in the exact same way he is. And it's worth pointing out that the way TR has been grimmified, it's left him completely without agency and unable to disobey Salem. Even after Ruby blasts the Grimm off his head, he's still left repeating "Take The Girl" over and over without any sign of whoever he used to be coming back to the surface. It's possible that is what Salem is referring to when she calls him a successful experiment.

So the way Salem has dealt with people with silver eyes has gone:

Maria (kill her) > Summer (?!?!) > TR (an... experiment) > Ruby (bring her to me alive)

Adding TR into the mix, it seems unlikely that the "something new" Salem learned she could do from Summer Rose would actually have been, y'know, a Hound. Plus from a narrative perspective, I don't think we're going to have Ruby literally saying exactly what happened to Summer into the camera only for her to turn up, Hound-ified just as expected, a couple volumes later. So, some possibilities:

Ruby is actually exactly correct about what happened to Summer, but she's not going to show up later so there's no reason not to just tell us. Personally I doubt it's this, given the way the mystery has been unfolding over eight volumes and counting. It'd be kind of weird to just tell us instead of showing us, or indeed having the Hound literally be Summer. Also, if Summer is a Hound too then why is TR an experiment?

Summer was Grimmified but didn't survive the process, so she gave Salem the idea but she's not actually a Hound. This also seems a bit odd to me given that would mean she's basically just dead like we assumed, but with extra steps. Like it's upsetting but it doesn't represent the kind of dramatic upheaval to the sisters' worldviews that it feels like this is building towards. It doesn't explain how fucking smug Salem is about the whole thing.

Summer was Grimmified, but didn't actually lose any agency. This would explain why Salem is still experimenting, and why she's so pleased with TR—he's even more singleminded in carrying out her goals than Tyrian is. It also fits with the way the Grimmification worked on Salem. Even after she jumped into the goop, she was still very much herself—it's possible it influenced her, but she was definitely capable of showing love and affection to both Ozma and her daughters. She just, uhh,,, was also willing to try and murder them. But it's unclear to me how much of that was Evil Goo and how much was just that there's no way a human being spends any significant length of time as the Last Woman Alive without some unpleasant side effects. We're social creatures and we do not generally do well when completely deprived of company.

Summer wasn't Grimmified at all, the whole Hound thing is a red herring.

In either 3 or 4, regardless of how much body horror happened, Ruby is wrong about what happened to Summer. And in order to not undercut that moment of utter despair at what probably happened to Summer... I feel like what actually did happen has to be. like. worse.

AND IT'S A TAD DIFFICULT TO GET WORSE THAN THE HOUND.

So. Time to put our tinfoil hats on: what if we add an element of horrible betrayal?

Yes this is a Summer-joined-Salem conspiracy post.

But hear me out okay! Circling back a bit, why wouldn't Summer tell any of the inner circle where she was going? If she talked to anyone, it was Raven, who had already noped the fuck out by the time Summer went on her final mission. Now, if it was just Tai and Qrow I'd say she might've kept it from them for the same reason everyone always keeps that secret—she didn't want them to lose hope. But... Ozpin already knows. There'd be no reason not to tell him what she was doing, unless she knew he'd try to stop her.

Now: my goal here is to make all this make sense, without altering the first foundational piece of characterization we get for Summer. Namely, "Super-Mom: Baker of cookies and slayer of giant monsters." I'm not saying Summer learned the truth and went, welp, if you can't beat 'em join 'em. Because both Summer and Raven tend to act as foils to Ruby and Yang, and "gave up immediately" doesn't feel like an interesting foil to Ruby's perserverence. But, if you find out that there's an existential threat to the entire world, and she can't be killed...

Isn't it worth trying to negotiate?

Especially if, say, you were absolutely desperate to end this war in your lifetime. Because Summer knows that if it's really impossible, if Salem can't be stopped, then Ruby will get dragged in whether she likes it or not. All because of a trait that Summer passed down to her.

Salem's been killing people with silver eyes, probably for millenia. It's easily possible that Summer had her own visit from someone like Tock, or noticed the same thing Maria's father did, that there's a suspicious lack of people with silver eyes considering how useful they are against the Grimm. As long as Salem is a threat, Ruby is going to be in that same danger. Forever.

So she has to do something, right? If there's even the tiniest chance she can end this now, before Ruby will ever have to suffer for it, before she gets pulled into an impossible war and Yang comes charging in after her, because of course she's going to try to help her sister... isn't that a chance worth taking?

This is why I think Raven knows some shit, by the by—when she's telling Yang about Salem, she actually kind of indirectly drops the same bomb that went off in Volume 6, it's just that she didn't do it in the same explicit terms that Jinn did. "She can't be stopped, she can't be reasoned with, and she will not rest until Humanity crumbles at her feet."

"Can't be stopped" is Raven's translation of can't be killed, since "We don't have to kill you to stop you" seems to be a flavor of terrifying exclusive to Ruby and apparently Summer. But "can't be reasoned with" implies that somebody tried. And like, let's be honest. Do we really think Raven was the one who decided to give diplomacy a go?

Not to mention this line, which I'm like 90% sure is referring to Summer:

"Or... you can go back to Qrow and join Ozpin's impossible war against Salem, and meet the same fate as so many others."

It really seems like Raven knows something she's not telling us. Like, if that is a reference to Summer's fate, does that mean Raven knows what it is, or is she just speculating like everyone else? Does she have a portal to Summer, and is that giving her information the others don't have? All that, combined with the fact that she's also way more bitter about Summer than everyone else, seems signficant.

Anyways. Let's say Summer decides to have a chat with Salem.

She can't tell Ozpin. He'd try to stop her, because he'd see it as a suicide mission. Qrow or Tai both might tell him, or agree with him and get in her way, so she keeps it from them too. Maybe she goes off completely by herself—or maybe she goes to Raven, because she's the only one who might be able to help who Summer knows won't breathe a word of it to Ozpin. Either way, Raven doesn't help her. She's not getting anywhere near Salem.

And then... well. Salem got here by manipulating people, by swaying them to her cause. Summer asks her what she actually wants out of all this. Isn't there some way they could resolve this without this endless war, all this endless death?

Important to note, I don't think we've heard Salem's motivation in her own words. At least, not since the Lost Fable, when she wanted to rule with Ozpin as the new gods of Remnant. I think it's safe to say at least a few things have changed since then. Closest I can think of is what she says to Cinder in Volume 8, "In pursuit of a new world, no cost is too great." Which is ominous, but also quite vague, and says nothing about what she plans to do with the relics.

Instead, we get a whole lot of people guessing. Ozpin thinks she wants to die. Tyrian thinks she wants to destroy the world. Hazel and Mercury think she wants to remake it, with no Huntsman Academies, with them as the new top dogs.

There's a pattern here—Salem never actually says what she wants, and other people have a habit of projecting their own motives onto her actions. Ozpin wants to die, Hazel wants to destroy the Huntsmen Academies, Mercury wants to be the one with the power so he's not getting hurt, and Tyrian's just in it for the chaos.

And it's not like Salem hasn't done stuff like that on purpose. By the time she started growing her army against the gods and telling people they would all steal immortality like she did, she'd already tried to kill herself. She didn't want immortality. She just let people think she did, because it was more convenient for her.

So if this agent of Ozpin's comes to her, absolutely desperate for a way to end the fight before it can come for her daughters, well... why not just tell her about the gods? About how Ozpin plans to one day reunite the relics, and submit Remnant to their judgment? About what might happen if he does?

(TBH I don't think Oz will ever do that, not because I think he's decided not to or anything like that, but because I doubt he'll ever see a humanity united enough for it to be worth trying. We're an argumentative bunch.)

But like. To Summer, all of a sudden there's this other, even bigger existential threat. And Salem isn't like Ozpin. She does have a plan! She wants to destroy the relics, so that the gods can never be resummoned, because of course she hates them and so she would never want them to come back!

(Again, not saying this is actually true, my best guess is that she's trying to bring them back so she can fight them again slkdfjlskdj)

And then, if they succeed, not only will the gods not be a threat anymore, Salem won't be a threat either. She'll have gotten what she wants!

"This can all... be... over..."

Summer has to finish this. There has to be a way for her to do this by herself, to save everyone, to put a stop to it all in time to protect her children! (Raven can't be right, it can't just be hopeless!)

From there, all Salem really needs to do is be a bit careful how much she tells her other followers about what she plans to do—which it seems like she has—and eventually find a way to either hide what relics she has or convince Summer that she's trying really hard to destroy them, definitely, pinky promise!

(And, as an aside: if true, it's very possible that the reason Salem's so insistent on keeping Ruby alive isn't that she wants to turn her into another Hound, but rather that was one of Summer's conditions.)

All this, of course, may or may not come with a sprinkle of Grimmification. Because why not add some body horror to the good old-fashioned betrayal horror! Though, if I'm right and not going completely off the wall here, I suspect it's probably more in the vein of Cinder than TR. Namely, like, consensual.

Regardless, it definitely feels like Summer has been idealized to a point that's just sort of... begging for trouble. She's the perfect Huntress. The best of us. The one who would have pressed on. And like, historically putting people on pedestals like that has not gone well in this show (see: Pyrrha). Not to mention the way trying to be the perfect Huntress that Summer was has been affecting Ruby over the years.

Also, definitely totally unrelated to all of the above: I think paragons that turn to evil despite or indeed because of all their wonderful paragon qualities FUCK SEVERELY and I would like to see it.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I understand the concern of fans based on the limited info we currently have but….doesn’t it seem like jimin is still in the kitchen? He said he’s working hard, taking English lessons, he’s flying all over the place….we can’t know for sure, but to me it feels a little early to be settling the accounts for chapter 2. I know there’s a time factor, but even if 2025 is the serious goal (and I do believe it is), look how quick shinee got together with amazing concerts after Taemin got back.

I always felt like FACE was meant as a first step (not to excuse the issues with its rollout)—literally Jimin facing himself before…what, exactly? I’m not sure, but I don’t believe he put SMF pt2 at the end of that album for nothing. Who knows if what was planned will work out, or if I’m totally wrong LOL but for me chapter 2 isn’t over until chapter 3 starts. and if by then it still feels like things were unbalanced or unfair, maybe we’ll at least know more about why and if not, the criticism will be completely valid

(and now here’s my delulu addition: troye sivan’s album comes out October 13, of all days?? and he was in NYC the same time as jimin earlier this year LOL … also Troye (who is a tease queen) recently posted an Insta caption “BTS on the rush video while we make the next one…let us cook :)” sorry but my tin hat is fastened!!)

*

Agreed.

And for PJM2, as much as I find your tinfoil hat theories tempting, I’m doing away with every and all expectations. With Jimin, that’s the only way to go for me.

If we do get a Rush 2.0 with Troye and Jimin, and *gasp* maybe even Jungkook too… heck even Taehyung - if we get that, it will be a song to hear at least once. Something worth the wait.

Thanks for sending in your thoughts. Your ask summarizes mostly what I’ve been trying to communicate for the last month or so, and clearly doing a bad job of it lol. Anyway, fingers crossed we get music from Jimin soon. It’s sorely needed.