#its getting to me i think. normal. regular

[tqlepatia]

─ One of the girls. ♰

- ❝ sigh, guys, i tried. not revised, english in'st my first language and i dont write smuut very well 👁❞

you didn't really liked men, I mean, who likes them? but you is desperate enough for money to not put limits on your client's, basic math, fewer clients, less money.

Girls are hot, everybody knows that, but who most people don't know that the ones with the most courage, come to the brothel to "try" if they like girls or something like that, in short? You've never had such experienced womans.

until one day, it was a normal one to you, besides of the loud of the girls filling the of the building corridors, as aways you get dressed up, putting some perfume of some brand unknown, getting you hair done and soon remembering of change the sheets and etc.

Soon you finished all you chores you hear nock at the door, you check the watch in the wall, its still early, babette already open? you sigh, but then your big curiosity make you open the door, seeing babette with an almost new expression, she was a mix of confused, happy, sad and almost worry

"darling, you already is dressed up?" she ask analyzing your room, sighing she gives you bag of paper - with some white lace lingerie, looks expansive.

"do you know who is the silco right-hand?" Hm, you may heard one time during a late night conversation with the girls? the only thing you sure is that you are confused as hell.

"Yeah, i heard of her, shes dead ? Why u looking at me sooo?..not trying to be rude okay?" babette force a little laugh, she consider you, too much, almost like a daughter, she remember more clearly than the rivers of Piltover the day you come in, soaking wet of the rain, looking guilt, ashemed and all, she soon cleaned her through looking at you

"She was a regular client here, but of sudden, she disappeared, and shes back now, and told me she was coming here later, I'd think of separate my best girl for her."

you smile nodding, in a place like this, is rare even a little of genuine affection, she smile, wishing you good luck, and you almost grab as if is 100 gold coins flying on the air, you know you will need it.

after what feels like a eternity, you hear the ambient music, a low sensual jazz, The brothel Its officially open now.

Exactly 2 hours passed, and nothing of her, you were already with that lingerie, must be from Piltover, with too many details, little flowers embroidered on top of the silk, some transparent parts, and the big dress-like, transparent, feathered, white matching perfectly with each piece, you were left admiring yourself in the mirror for almost 1 hour, you looked pure even! Hm, so she was one of those woman's who liked seeing a woman so vulnerable, and innocent? Funny.

The soft jazz played in the background, almost drowned out by the weight of the silence as you waited. You were about to give in to the exhaustion, laying back slowly on the bed, when the sound of heavy footsteps echoed down the corridor. Each step was deliberate, firm, growing closer. The air seemed heavier now, the world around you quieter, as if holding its breath.

The door creaked as it opened, revealing a striking, imposing figure. You sat up instinctively, your gaze locking onto the woman now standing in the doorway. This wasn’t just any client. Her presence carried authority, and the dim light from the hallway caught the glint of a mechanical arm that seemed as natural to her as her skin.

“Finally found you,” she said, her voice low and gravelly, filling the room with ease.

It took a moment for your brain to catch up. Your eyes roamed over her face—a sharp scar running down one side, a smirk that bordered on dangerous, and eyes that seemed to pierce straight through you.

“You’re…?” you started, but the answer was obvious before you could finish the question.

“Sevika,” she said simply, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her with a deliberate slowness. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Your heart pounded in your chest. Sevika. Silco’s right hand. The woman whispered about in hushed voices, both feared and respected. You never thought you’d find yourself face-to-face with her.

“About… me?” You tried to sound composed, but the hesitation in your voice betrayed you.

“That’s right,” she said, crossing her arms and letting her gaze linger on you. “Babette said you were… special.”

Heat rose to your face under the weight of her stare. Special? What was that supposed to mean? Her words didn’t make sense, but there was something in the way she spoke, the way she looked at you, that made the air in the room feel heavier, charged with tension.

“I didn’t think you… visited places like this,” you said, trying to mask your unease.

Sevika let out a low, almost mocking chuckle and strode toward the armchair in the corner of the room. She sat with the ease of someone who was completely in control, her mechanical arm resting casually on the chair’s armrest.

“Normally, I don’t,” she admitted, her tone calm, yet carrying an edge of authority. “But some things… deserve my attention. You, for example.”

“Me?” Your voice came out louder than intended, the disbelief clear in your tone.

“You.” Sevika tilted her head, her sharp eyes scanning you slowly, deliberately. “I wanted to see what made you different. Why someone like Babette would say you’re not like the others here.”

Your hands clenched at the fabric of the bedsheet, a mix of confusion and discomfort swirling inside you. How did she know so much about you? And why was she so interested?

“I don’t know what she’s talking about,” you muttered, avoiding her gaze.

“Oh, I do.” Sevika leaned forward slightly, her voice softening, though it lost none of its weight. “You don’t belong in a place like this. Anyone can see that just by looking at you.”

Her words hit you like a punch to the gut. It was the truth you tried so hard to avoid acknowledging—the truth that brought you here in the first place. But hearing it from Sevika made it feel far too real.

“Why does that matter to you?” you asked, trying to regain some semblance of control.

Sevika smirked, the metallic glint of her arm catching the light as she adjusted her posture. “Let’s just say I have a habit of investing in things that are worth it. And maybe… you’re exactly that.”

Her words made your stomach twist in ways you didn’t understand. Before you could respond, she stood, towering over you, her presence filling the room. She moved closer, her gaze still locked onto yours—intense, but now tinged with curiosity rather than scrutiny.

“So, tell me,” she said, her voice dropping to an almost teasing whisper. “Do you think you can handle someone like me?"

Oh! You handled it well, not even 2 hours of conversation, you were already pushing your head between her legs, you weren't surprised that she was so submissive, those big puppy eyes looking at you with such curiosity since she stepped into the room didn't fool you, but you can say was the best sex of your life.

You already played with Sevika's body in every way, strap, vibrator, anything you remembered having in the room, you were truly fascinated by Sevika's body, responding to even the slightest provocation

her mind? Too fuzzy to even make a sentence without letting out a moan or a sigh, of course, you as a prostitute were experienced, Sevika knew that, but damn, not that experienced, she already lost count of how many orgasms she had just that night, she stopped counting after the third one.

"Y-y...hmm..yeah baby...keep your tongue li-..like that..." sevika is losing her goddamn mind with you, shes fucking overstimulated mess, babette didn't lie, you are fucking special.

She swear that was seeing stars everytime your hot tongue licked her swollen clit, while your fingers hitting all the rights spots.

"Woah woah Vika, calm down, she is a most eating my fingers, I still need them later yk?" - you tease letting a little laugh while the sound of almost pornographic wet vagina - no. It was dripping, after about ten minutes sevika reached the climax, and at the same time her time was up. You give a small kiss on her pussy, as a farewell, but before you could say anything, sevika pulls you for a kiss.

The room was quiet now, filled only with the fading hum of soft jazz in the background and the occasional creak of the bed as you shifted against the pillows. Sevika sat at the edge of the bed, her posture loose and unguarded, her mechanical arm resting heavily in her lap as she carefully poured water from the jug on the nightstand into a glass.

You watched her silently, still catching your breath, the weight of everything that had just happened leaving you warm and buzzing. The vulnerability Sevika had shown—seeing her let go, let you take control—was something you hadn’t imagined. Yet now, she was the one moving around, fussing over you.

She handed you the glass, her fingers brushing against yours. Her cheeks were still a little flushed, a light sheen of sweat catching the low glow of the room’s dim lighting.

“You know,” you said, raising an eyebrow as you took a sip of the water, “shouldn’t I be the one doing the aftercare here? You’re the one who got ruined, after all.”

Sevika shot you a look, her lips quirking up into a small, tired smirk. “Shut up,” she muttered, but there was no real bite to her words. She reached for a clean cloth, dipping it into the bowl of warm water she’d set aside, and turned back to you.

“Seriously,” you teased, watching her gently wring out the cloth. “You’re not supposed to be up and about after that. You’re supposed to be the one lying down, looking like you just got wrecked.”

Sevika let out a low chuckle, shaking her head as she leaned closer, brushing the damp cloth along your collarbone with surprising gentleness. Her movements were careful, her touch soft as she wiped away the remnants of sweat, cum and split from your skin.

“Maybe,” she said, her voice quieter now, almost tender. “But I’m not the kind of person who just… sits there and lets someone else do everything. Besides”—her smirk widened—“you earned this.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, the sound light and almost disbelieving. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, her gaze softening as it met yours. “I’ve been told.”

For a moment, neither of you spoke. Sevika continued her careful ministrations, her hand steady even as exhaustion began to tug at her features. There was something deeply intimate about the way she tended to you.

When she was done, she set the cloth aside and sat back, looking at you with a rare softness in her expression. “You good?” she asked, her voice almost hesitant.

You nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “Yeah, I’m good, and you?”

Sevika reached out then, brushing a strand of hair away from your face, her fingers lingering for just a second longer than necessary. “Good,” she said simply, her voice rough but warm.

As she leaned back, you couldn’t resist one last quip. “Still think I should’ve been the one cleaning you up, though. You looked like you could barely stand for a second there.”

Sevika rolled her eyes, but the faint blush creeping up her neck betrayed her. “Keep talking, and I’ll leave you to clean up on your own next time,” she muttered, though the smirk playing on her lips said otherwise.

You laughed softly, pulling her down beside you and wrapping an arm around her waist. “Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Sev.”

Her mechanical arm clinked softly as she shifted closer, her body relaxing against yours. For now, there were no walls, no façades—just the quiet warmth of her presence and the promise of moments like this to come.

[cheralith]

slytherin’s prof. michael kaiser, who normally teaches defense against the dark arts, has to sub in for the potions professor who had accidentally ingested some jawbind potion after spilling it on his morning bagel, making him completely incapable of speaking.

it’s nearing valentines day and he’s boredly teaching the fifth years about the seasonal lesson of amortentia, the most powerful love potion known to man, and while many pay a little too much attention to his lecture and gazing upon the bubbling baby pink liquid in his cauldron, he just wants to get this class over with and go back to his regular schedule—especially since he’s also the coach of slytherin’s quidditch team and the highly-awaited slytherin vs ravenclaw game is coming up and he especially is itching to see the absolute look of defeat that’ll succumb not only ravenclaw’s players, but also their coach—you—his long-term academic rival. he needs to train them as much as he can and he can’t meddle any more time in unnecessary things like potions.

“right, so you’ll know it’s ready to be simmered down once you added the rose thorns,” he sighs as he plops in thorn by thorn, the students ooh-ing as a shimmer rides over the potion’s tides in the cauldron. kaiser brings the heat down, watching as the steam slowly coils up into the air.

“the most prominent thing about amortentia is its smell,” kaiser states, “there’s a distinct smell to amortentia, but at the same time, there’s also no distinct smell to it. anyone understand what i’m saying?”

a young gryffindor raises her hand. "the smell of it depends on the person! usually it smells of things that a person finds pleasant or reminds them of someone they love."

"i wouldn't exactly say 'love', but yes, that's correct," kaiser hums as he gently stirs the pot. he had always been fickle with the term, especially since the topic of love had always seemed foreign to him. he was always able to grasp other concepts rather well, but love? it seemed a little too distant for his liking and he had no initiative to try and chase it to understand it. "the scent of it varies amongst everyone, so no two people will smell the same things."

a hufflepuff boy chimes in, "what do you smell, professor?"

kaiser looks up from the hypnotizing glimmer of the potion and raises a brow. he supposes it had been awhile since he had made the potion since his fifth-year and can't remember exactly what he had smelled, so he leans over the cauldron and wafts its scent towards him.

freshly baked bread is what rushes to him first. most likely from the bakery he used to steal from as a young boy.

second is the mild spice of cedar. that was most likely from his broomstick that was given to him when he got scouted to be in slytherin's quidditch team. the scent is familiar to him, considering he'd spent so much of his youth dedicated to it being by his side.

but the third... is lavender. kaiser furrows his brows and thinks that can't be right. he'd know where the scents would be from, but lavender seems a little foreign to him.

his concentration to try and trace the origin of it is suddenly broken when the door opens to reveal... you.

"sorry professor abernathy," you start as you gather the attention of the students. "my students are out of—you're not abernathy."

kaiser cocks a brow at your confused and irritated gaze as he scans your figure. "well clearly. i'm subbing for him for today since he's out sick. need something, (l/n)?"

you scoff at his snarky and unprofessional tone, making some of the students giggle. your long-standing rivalry with slytherin's head of house was quite famous amongst the generations of students at hogwarts, both when you and him were students and during your careers as professors. "that's professor (l/n) to you, professor kaiser."

"we all know that you don't care to call me that behind the scenes," he says casually. "no need for a filter."

a heated huff escapes your lips as you shake your head. "i advise you to have a knack for one. would do you some good, perhaps, especially since you racked up quite the detentions back when we were students."

a couple of ooh's wisp by from kaiser's students and he grits his teeth. not wanting to let himself be humiliated any longer from your presence, he hisses out, "what do you need, professor (l/n)?"

"mmh, that's more like it," you hum lightly as you make your way across the classroom to the jars that sit behind the professor's demonstration desk. "my students ran out of griffin's claw for their fertilizer. i just need a pinch of it, so i'm sure professor abernathy won't mind."

kaiser bites his tongue back to hurl an insult of that he'd mind, considering you were disrupting his class, but he falls silent, merely watching you with sly eyes as you make your way over and pass him by, your cloak fluttering behind you.

he freezes suddenly.

that's when he smells it.

the fresh scent of lavender fills his senses again, but this time, it doesn't come from the cauldron.

he looks back and when your figure enters his field of vision, the scent grows stronger despite him not facing the cauldron of amortentia.

that unique scent of lavender... is coming from you.

a/n ; @baepsays had suggested in a prior post that he'd prob have green dyed tips instead of blue and i was just so utterly consumed by it that i rewatched three hp movies. i'm ruined

[potatobugz]

i watched nerdy prudes must die today. uuughh. ruth fleming. I used to dance.

[ruporas]

pre-trimax

[rbtlvr]

& by the way i literally CONSTANTLY think about how loop uses the partys titles to create distance to remind themself that those arent 'their versions' of them. that theyre not loops party anymore. and yet and yet and yet

[momo-shut-the-fuck-up]

Im really an edgelord at heart like yea i love makin cute outfits but trust me if nikkiverse didnt have deep dark shit goin on in its lore i wouldnt care about it at all. I d just be doin my dress up stuff while ignoring all of it. I wouldve given up infinikki by now

[robinniko]

idc what anyone says louis looks so hot with the grey

[metukika]

ill say it before and ill say it again. hc that teru doesnt like serizawa at all.

[sneeg-snag]

listen i may be all for non-censorship and shit like that but i draw a hard line at incest and underage stuff- with a lot of things going around if ur into that PLEASE block me. im not and i dont want to be interacting with those who do

[baltears]

turns out i am indeed capable of having a pretty good evening

[ryuseitai]

walked in this morning snd my coworker says You're training today! and I said Oh.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.

SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.

categorizing their pre-existing powers:

wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!

dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.

vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]

giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.

wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.

dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??

vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33

ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!

in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333

AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.

I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .

DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight

I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good

AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style

[seaofreverie]

Man.

[reinabeestudio]

you stop shaving as a woman and people just dont know what to call you anymore huh

[dandyshucks]

i need to vent i'm sorry dear god things are so bad

me when the conservative candidate is voted in (which is not a surprise bc i live in a conservative area but still) and this guy has exhibited pedophilic behaviour in the past and is a proud gun/army fanatic. i'm gonna fucking die.

and the conservatives in my province this year have been the most aggressively and openly transphobic main political party we've ever seen nation-wide, and it is looking like theyre either going to win majority or them and the other party are both going to be minority gvmts together and both of those options are Bad bc conservatives are going to have so much power either way. unless somehow the other party manages to juuust pull ahead enough to make up majority but it... isn't looking that way. and that's just coveirng the transphobia, theres been so much racism and other shit going on too, i'm really really scared !! esp w the fe.deral election coming up next year !!!

i feel extraordinarily unsafe rn esp with some local politics from earlier this year w someone in a position of power in town (i have to be so vague otherwise its going to be way too easy to look shit up and place me on a map lol, im already pushing it as is) and it was horrifying and seeing so many ppl be apathetic to it is just. so scary. i'm scared !!

also i have to wait for another two days for the welfare ministry to call me (stressed all day long from 8-5 bc idk when theyre going to call me) and if they do not call me by the end of tuesday then i have to phone a couple ppl and ask what to do bc they're supposed to call me to do the eligibility interview within two weeks of submitting my application. and by this tuesday it'll have been two weeks. i'm so unbelievably stressed dsfjkl i've been nauseous so much lately bc of the anxiety. and i dont cry very often but god almighty i've been crying every couple of days these past two weeks bc i'm just so exhausted and stressed and at the end of my rope fdsjkl

also my mother is being really scary lately and i can't do anything about it except keep my head down and just hope she eventually stops this shit

anyways i am not doing well ! feeling like everything is sort of closing in on me :''''))) idk what to do about it bc nearly everything that's causing me overwhelming amounts of stress is out of my control so i just have to keep clinging to life with the tenacity of a cockroach. but i'm really tired of it 😭😭😭 and i just. would like to be safe? i guess? that's such a silly notion though fdsjkl i do not ever get to be safe so it is silly to want for that. i think mostly i just want things to go back to being tolerable fsjkl i am... reaching the crisis limits beyond my real limits, to be entirely honest.

[treemice]

I know teen girls are stereotyped to self diagnose with all kinds of personality disorders ("OMG I'm so bipolar" kind of vibe) but do they actually do that? And when they do do they actually believe that they have it? I'm asking this AS a teen kind-of-girl

Because on one hand if they actually believe it I'd understand because idk estrogen makes me gen feel like I'm going fucking insane sometimes. I'm not really a mentally healthy person, I'm prone to depressive episodes and I've been passively suicidal for most of my life, I've had OCD since I was like 7 and I've struggled with SH, so maybe it's just my autism brain thinking that everyone's being literal about that. But idk I've felt like... like a danger to myself before just on the basis of "I'm not normally in this good of a mood, my blood feels like it's dancing, if I jumped off the school balcony i bet I'd survive" and while I know that that's not true and I'd DIE i feel like i have 2 brains, the irrational emotional one, and the logical "you will die don't be a dumbass"/"you're being paranoid relax" one. And when I'm feeling irrational I get scared because I dont feel like i can trust myself to not do something dangerous.

But on the other if they don't mean it its caused me to think a lot of "phases" is normal. Like I was actively suicidal when I was 12 and when i watched a movie about a 12 year old girl that was depressed and a doctor said "being 12 is just one of those ages" I assumed it meant that being suicidal was a normal part of growing up and it'd go away in time.