#its getting to me i think. normal. regular | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wackywatchdotcom · 2 days ago

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Seeing you be very normal about small details in the show got me thinking about Pomni, and I was wondering if you've thought about the possibility that Pomni probably hasn't eaten in several days. Like, we know they don't NEED to eat.. but it's probably not healthy for her mentally to skip the process of 'taking care of your body'. Ragatha, for example, says that participating in sleeping despite the fact they don't need to- helps keep them mentally steady. Idk just a thought..

ooooooooh.... its a good thought!!!!!

i DO think that like. theres definitely some psychological aspects to a lot of things like eating and sleeping that i feel like tadc characters would be at risk of neglecting... like with something like sleep, i think they can go without it for a LONG time without physical fatigue BUT at the same time like. psychologically sleep is IMPORTANT. i dont know all the science of it but iirc sleep isnt just a physical need but i get the feeling thats not smth that occurs to people in the circus often :[ ragatha seems aware enough of the benefit of the routine of sleeping and how the adventures can be helpful for that to BUT i imagine even she doesnt fully realize that sleep is still pretty important for them, just in a different way

on that note i could definitely see eating being similar!!!! its not something thatll physically harm a person in the circus if they dont eat but also eating is a deeply ingrained aspect of human life, and while i struggle to place a specific problem abstaining from it for too long in the circus couls cause, i COULD imagine it being like. at LEAST psychologically disorienting. especially with jax claiming he feels hungry??? it implies that its similar to the breathing thing that they may not phsyically need to , but their mind still assumes they do....

i DO get curious if they have like. regular meals?? i liek the hc that theres some sort of kitchen in the circus (seeing the weird little couch area was SOOO exciting for me, im super invested in finding out more about the layout of the circus!!!!! i like details like that theyre FUN) so imagine theres SOME way to access food just like how they have bedrooms (though, i get the feeling caine doesnt have a complete idea of what sleep IS but thats a diff thing). but also with them having a feast at the end of the pilot could imply they do, but with that 'reward' not being brought up at ALL in the next three eps (caine has the opportunity to mention it but noticably doesnt, especially in ep 2 where he just full on Leaves after the adventure- it seems more like he just sorta congratulates people on completing adventures and makes sure everyones accounted for and calls it a day) makes me think that communal meals are NOT super common, or at the very least them being coordinated by caine isnt...

all that to say that if shes only been part of the ep 1 feast (i cannot imagine she ate i feel like she was too out of it to do Anything😭) i am unsure if shed have gone out of her way to find a kitchen... if she wanted to know i think shed feel comfortable asking ragatha about it, but i wonder if its even crossed her mind???? and i imagine that would be jarring for her to realize, and also generally psychologically Not The Best for her...

#ask #tadc #i think its not smth pomni would actively avoid BUT i could see her forgetting to #i dont know??? how much hunger they feel so it could be a minute while shes adjusting for her to even Realize how long its been...#it does honestly make me wonder if they CAN get sleepy. they can feel the need to breathe and i imagine they wouldnnt get #the physical fatigue from lack of sleep. but its just bad for ur brain to put it off too #the breathing thing in general has INTERESTING implications for things #i get the feeling a lot of it is like.. mental. but not just psychologically #smth about autonomous stuff. ur body knows what it needs to survive so even if u know ull be fine in the circus #ur bodys like . i need air or ill DIE!#so its like. how much does that apply to #how much of the circus IS influenced by ones own mind #if ur mind sends signals to the computer that 'i cant breathe' and responds accordingly...#and then it then comes back to the food thing....#(i think if pomni started thinking about this too much it would Scare Her. because it has deeply distressing implications #about ones own existence #and on top of 'i am detached from physical needs and this makes me feel partially divorced from my own humanity and it unsettles me'#its smth i think she would have to avoid thinking about too long 😭)#circus discussion

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potatobugz · 8 months ago

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i watched nerdy prudes must die today. uuughh. ruth fleming. I used to dance.

#rambles #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #ruth fleming #its funny bc her song “just for once” is the only song in this musical that made me cry #and then right after she dies in the silliest way possible #song about how isolated her anxiety makes her feel & how lonely that can be #the “i used to dance” at the end sounds so sad #its getting to me i think. normal. regular #i related to her a normal amount

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rbtlvr · 3 months ago

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& by the way i literally CONSTANTLY think about how loop uses the partys titles to create distance to remind themself that those arent 'their versions' of them. that theyre not loops party anymore. and yet and yet and yet

#talk tag #i think about 'and because of you bonnie was-' DAILYYYYYY #god. god. they care s mcuhghfjkbjkdklj #i think that may be the only time until twohats that they ever use any of the partys names. except! for reminding sif if u get that dialogu #which. im also normal about. clearly obviously absolutely #they create that distance as much as they can and yet. for siffrin.#godddddd i need to be sedated #isat spoilers #okay oh my god i went back to check to make sure i was right and turns out i forgor a couple of times both of which make me even more ill #one is technically under the umbrella of twohats bc its at the very end when loop says theyll need to accept everyones thanks. and they say #-everyones names. and the other is at the very very beginning in the initial battle tutorial they say everyones names + stats #(which btw PROVES MY POINT abt so much of loops help going under the radar bc in any other game itd just be a regular tutorial with no-#-in universe correlation or effect)#but they start with 'heres some basic stats about you and your party members to remember' and i. the. like realistically the explanation-#-for loop using their names instead of titles. is bc adrienne thought using their titles would make it too obvious someone else was talking #since u havent met loop yet at that point and dont know its not a regular tutorial thats only directed at the player and not the character #But Also: heres some things you should remember about your party members [lists their names]#im normal. im fine and normal. prommy #... okay it turns out they also say isabeaus name when giving the paper mache hands tutorial. no idea what to make of that one aklfjdlksjf #and after the change god event when u bring it up they say 'mirabelles statue'#And Thats It. fascinating. what is the logic there #isatposting

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angelsaxis · 2 months ago

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what's actually so fucking dumb about americans and their perpetual fear of covid or covid 2 is that we've been in this pandemic for five years, we have a trillion covid variants, a lot of people clearly believe that covid is real and some level of danger but only if there's a """""new""""" one coming out of China that they can be racist about??? but if you tell them what they're doing to avoid the covid that exists HERE and NOW that theyre getting from their fellow americans then you get responses like vaccination MAYBE. and nobody wants to wear a mask. for an airborne illness that can tear your immune system apart. but if a talkinghead woke up tomorrow and said "NEW AND IMPROVED COVID 2.0 FRESH OFF THE WUHAN PRESSES" suddenly people would understand social distancing and masks.

actually maybe not. idk. they'll just be sinophobic as fuck but when it comes to being covid conscious people are stubbornly willing to play with their and others' health in the name of some deeply childish ascientific reactionary ideology. i actually dont know if their sinophobia would beat out American Individualism and generally poor health education lmao.

#angel posts #either way I am one of two people in my whole building who masks consistently #which reminds me I gotta get more masks #ive been sick twice this year and guess what both times it was from someone who doesnt mask #and both times it fucking sucked #i hadnt been sick since 2020 #its so wild to me people expect this to just be normal????#yall really think regular periods of not being able to sleep or eat and losing fluids and insane amounts of lethargy are good for your #immune system in the long run???#a truly advanced society would have found a way to get rid of the common cold and encourage people to avoid that shit #but noooooo now you have adults coughing into the open air nobody coughs in their elbows anymore

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robinniko · 10 months ago

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idc what anyone says louis looks so hot with the grey

#like do people realize that regular people just age #honestly good for louis for staying natural! nothin wrong with getting plastic surgery or botox #but i can appreciate when someone just ages normally #like mans is past 30 of course hes gonna gray and not look like how he did when he was in his 1d days #idk i saw comments about his looks and like how he looks like he aged badly #but its like idk i think louis looks great for someone who smokes and parties #not that im shaming louis but we all that shit will age you #but honestly he genuinely looks good #this is literally just me rambling about how hot louis is

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midnightsartcorner · 8 days ago

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i un-uniqued my fairy designs for laughs

#art #digital art #legend of zelda #fanart #tael #i refuse to draw these fairies in leaf clothes or flower clothes though #they get regular people clothes #i only drew tatl and tael like this and only once #tatl post will be tomorrow #i had to force myself to draw these #i dont wanna ever put this much effort in drawing fairies ever again #i say as if drawing a humanish tael took me more than 10 minutes #i failed his hair #so i had to put it in a ponytail #tatls hair looks normal but shorter so at least i didnt fail her #its cause i drew her too close to the top of the page and didnt care enough to erase the whole thing #oh yea and i think tatl and tael would wear boots if they werent magic blobs #boots and tall socks #might draw navi like this i dont know yet #then again i do have a great fairy design for her but that probably doesnt count #majoras mask

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darabeatha · 29 days ago

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/ I think they should let Asclepius fuck around and find out without the threat of a thunder bolt snapping the back of his neck

#;a.sclepius #releasing him from his enclosure and he discovers the cure of 4876 diseases that are a thing + others that could appear in the future #i also believe in a.slcepius being a bit of a freako; like he always works meticulously but its in cases that require his ingenious mind an #intellect on the line that r e al l y excite him #trying new ways to fix things even if they have never been tested/heard of before bc he's that confident in his abilities and knowledge #he's usually calm and bored; but then sometimes u can get this side of his that has NO fear over hubris #he's like; strike me again; what willyou do then? i'm already dead #he gets moment where he gets a bit too cocky- then he goes back to normal #but his ahh has NOT learned s.hit from his past life; and he would totally do it again #not because -he- wants to live forever; no; its just to prove that you could somehow live forever and thus; spite the gods #/alter a.sclepius finding the cure of ultimate death; to immortals #*like for immortals; s.ervants that do not want to stsy in the throne of heroes;; its all for the unconventional #like to an extreme too; O.RT finding s way to permanently keep it dead #that would be soooo interesting #and i'd have to think if it would only apply to an alter version or #even with his ambition; regular a.sclepius could study this on a separate matter #PONDERS #as in ultimate death i mean; for s.ervants to be unable to be summoned again by their own will; for those that want their soul to finally #rest #or those cursed with immortality ; like p.rometheus with his liver that keot getting regenerated #those sort of 'injustices' set by gods or higher beings #it would be an interesting concept #the contrast between life death snd immortality #*cure for

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autism-corner · 1 month ago

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YAYYY

#they put up a hadestown ad omw to campus so i get to be excited about seeing it in july every dayyy ^-^ YIPPEEE #waughghghhg its so huge for meee #despite working in a theather ive. never seen any proper theather livee whoopsss #but saturday we were finishedd earlyyy before the break so we got to have a peek in and.... i do love it so much.#its a shame that i havent seen any real shows.#BUTTT.. thatll change julyyy :3ccc hadestown my belovedd....#you were my obsession 6 years ago when i really should have been grieving my granddad hastag lol. its ok im autistic i dont grief.#but i do think that hadestown was one of the first topics i realized i was. not normal about.#SO IM SO EXCITEDDDD ITS SO HUGEEEE #sillyposting #anyway now that thats out of the way let me tell you about my dentist appointment just now:#i hate hate hate the part where they grind the plague or whatever its soooo ickygross throwsup /neg.#but i made it out by thinking about. =w= normal things.#AND. the dentist charges per 5mins for regular checkups and usually hed charge 10mins despite it. not being that #BUTT today he apparently saw that ive been a very brave and good boy and only charged for 5 mins B) aka i got a GOOD grade in teeth.#i dont know what im doing but apparently it is still not necessary to brush 2mins twice a day bc i am NOT doing all thatt #+ apparently my wisdom teeth have come through already i didnt knowww but thats awesome #no need to pull them yet apparentlyy.#=w=bbb lets goooo

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ryuseitai · 10 months ago

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walked in this morning snd my coworker says You're training today! and I said Oh.

#IM OT GOOD WITH POEPLEEE Eepecially not new people and #the girl im training is quiet And so am i so im like forcing mhself to be kind of outgoing Its torture.#And i also dont know how to..ask people to do things #or tell them to do something #Which is like. almost all of what training is #omfg im only 18 and shy whyy whyyy #well its not too bad actall6 hut inwas really nervous at first but im getting more used to it #but i gave to train people bc im a Team Lead #which means nothing to me except thay i know how to do my job #and a 50 cent pay increase than not being one Wow..!#i wanna sleep so bad #Only. 3 and half more hours after my break ends.#i am glad tho atkeast it is good experience for like.. interacting with people #this job in general has made me a lot better at that and less anxiety aroujd it #but im still a shy and quiet person to begin with #and i say weird things on accident #Its funny tbh hiw often i say something just like. Something that i think is regular and normal #and not suppsed to be a joke or comedic and ppl im talking to start laughing #lile not my intent but if youre happy im happy💗

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 11 months ago

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preemptively sorry for how fucking long this is it is YOUR FAULTT THOUGH!!!! large bowl of seeds for u. it is almost 2am sorry.

SO. there are. two ways to assign the prime defenders powers etc. the first way is just, like, categorize their existing powersets within the prt framework, & the second is to give them entirely new abilities based on the way worm works. delightfully, all the powers they Do have work really well for the most part, so even that doesn't require a ton of shuffling.

categorizing their pre-existing powers:

wiwi-- breaker w/ a shaker subclass. neither of them rated very high, but that's already a rare and versatile enough combination!!

dakota-- brute babeeeey!!! brute/mover its so straightforward. hell yeah babey. i don't know what he'll end up looking like post-heart removal & stuff but my guess is that'll end up looking more like a mover/striker.

vyncent-- now THIS one gave me trouble. i... hm. to say this without talking about stuff that i don't think has come up much already, (hey!! you're at that clockblocker pov! directly related to what flechette says!) i'd call him a grab-bag cape, irt the greats at least. post-greats-- again, i don't know what his powerset will look like after this arc! but if he's going all in w/ the fire magic, that would for sure be some striker shit! :]]]

giving them new powers... man i'm reining myself in so hard from five more paragraphs on Why exactly i'm saying all this.

wiwi still breaker for sure, maybe breaker-master, maybe master-stranger. yknow. powers are fluid, the prt categories are pretty rigid. i... don't know. enough about his situation yet to be clearer than that vague idea yet-- i really like the idea of him just. ditching his body & using a noncorporeal form but he still has to keep an eye on his body i think that's great. the noncorporeal form would b able to change its visibility but still b limited by proximity to the body. & fluctuating energy shit powered by fluctuating amounts of recent-death in the area, maybe probably also limited in that it's only accessible in his breaker form.... also i think u will appreciate this style note from the [UNNAMED PARAHUMANS TTRPG] i'm referencing a lot here.

dakota--in this situation he probably would not. have that mechanical heart and shit. he' would still be a mover/thinker-- thinker rating is for faster mental processing + senses imminent pain for the people in his immediate vicinity. not danger, just pain; it immediately registers ambiently & can be generally traced back to whoever it is. no he can't turn it off ever, it manifests as feeling a similar level of pain, yes it works on himself. + mover-- he can fucking fly. no super strength, just very fast flight & the general "won't splat himself flying into something" capabilities, which meshes well w/ the faster processing & reflexes. i'm split on how exactly this would work mechanically but i will NOT go into that now. i am also not going into the 15k discussion in my brain on why dakota 'notoriously bad at thinking about things' cole would be a thinker but u gotta trust the process ok??

vyncent-- trump!!!! somehow this is the only straightforward one to me? he can copy powers at the full strength or ability level of the original for an unspecified amount of time that's usually 1-30 minutes by touching the cape. crucially, he doesn't have any edge on how to use these powers + can easily misuse or become extremely overwhelmed by them. he's easily the most powerful out of the three of them <33

ashe-- ashe is NOT HERE currently and also it's 1:30 am so i gotta go fucking sleep soon BUT they would be a master. easy. :o) they can make some lil guys n do stuff with them!!!!

in general these are pretty fucking cracked abilities, all of them would b oosely above a seven or so in a number rating once they're really settled in their powers-- this is mostly because i'm assuming that they would still be heirs-apparent to the prime force equivalent, which would b the triumvirate :]] anyway. good lord. this is like the cliff notes edition of what i've been thinking and scribbling in the notes app for the past several hours. sorry if it's fucking incomprehensible. gn!!! <333

AAAAAH FUCK YESSSSSS OKAY OKAY OKAY my response is probably going to be equally as long. so it's fine. oooouh buddy.

I KNOW WHAT BREAKER MEANS NOW !!! I dontttt think ive learned shaker yet. breaker is like.... breaking the laws of physics/shifting planes or whatever. PERFECT for william hell yes. for putting them actually in worm world ... ughhhh breaker/master william is REALLY cool. I havwnt learned stranger yet but i think he would develop a complex over being classified as stranger <3 (like how weld doesn't like that he's classified as a brute even though that's not exactly what it means, he just doesn't like the word) . GODDDD just thinking abt putting pd boys in worm is fucking me up haven't they been through enough. I want to see them all in a fit of despair. william ditching his body is SO good I miss when he would do that, also the powers being limited by how far away he is AND THE AMOUNT OF RECENT DEATH IN THE AREA. holy shit. that's so fucking good . im sure he would not overthink at all the fact that he is stronger when more people around him have died . I'm sure he'd do awesome in the leviathan fight for sure for sure .

DAKOTA BRUTE <3 DAKOTA BRUTE/MOVER I LOVE THIS A LOTTTTTT hellbyes. awesome. it's so perfect for him <3 worm world I'm SURPRISED u didn't stick with brute for him. eyes emoji. I trust your judgement but now i am Thinking... Hmm..... YOU BRING INTO QUESTION something I have been thinking about. and I'm going to probably get derailed a little here but stay with me. how the way powers manifest directly relate to the trigger event. because for a WHILE before we learned taylors I was like "OH i bet the powers are going to be directly related to what traumatic thing happened to them" and then we learn about taylor and grue and a couple more and I kind of lost that theory because while you can. technically draw relations between their powers and their events it seemed like too much of a stretch to do . HOWEVER now my thinking has changed AGAIN and I think the powers ARE related to specific trigger events but it's not as straightforward as "oh something scary happened to you with bugs so now you have bug powers" I think it's gonna be more complicated than that. WHICH. THE WAY THIS RELATES. BACK ON TOPIC NOW. to DAKOTA . assuming his trigger event is still he and katori falling off the building I think it's AWESOME that his powers would manifest as FLIGHT for one. and the fucking. pain sense thing. fuck me up. dakota extreme hero complex cole would be so fucked up by a power where he ambiently senses pain from the people around him at all times and cannot turn it off. I'm sure he would feel so normal about being around william chronic pain wisp 24/7. also I can SO CLEARLY imagine how this power specifically would lead to him getting super overwhelmed in chaotic situations like he does in canon. and just fucking. bolt out of there because it's too much. again. he'd have such a wonderful time in the leviathan fight

I AM AT CLOCKBLOCKER POV !!!! actually technically I'm on kid win pov now but I haven't finished his chapter yet. vyncent grab bag cape..... yeah... I think it would be EXTREMELY funny imagining the PRT in pd world trying 2 classify vyncent like. what the fuck does this kid do . what do we do with him. hes got other guys in his head that give him powers. is he a master??? no he can't fucking control them. is he a striker??? only SOMETIMES. is he a blaster?? AGAIN ONLY SOMETIMES. cannot classify him bitch!!!!!!!! giving him worm powers though.. UGH. being able to touch someone and COMPLETELY copy their powers but only for a short period of time???? I fucking love that a lot. he WOULD be the most powerful out of them!!! I can hear taylors inner analysis dialogue about him now and it's very similar to the clockblocker "DONT LET HIM.TOUCH YOU" panic. loooove imagining this playing off of the rest of pd,,, i know there was AT LEAST one time where he had william sort of transfer some of his ghost powers for a minute? I think it was during the lich fight in the theatre but i just remember vycnent floating and going intangible and NOT KNOWING how to control it or anything. loveeee that. in world dynamics I feel like vyncent would be a late addition to their team (instead of coming from another world maybe he just. had his trigger event happen way later than the other two..or something.) and not trusting them as much at first/being REALLY shaky using either of their powers but after a while being really comfortable in a fight with using either Williams or dakotas powers in a fight. Just like. imagining the fluidity of how they'd work together in a tense situation assuming they're not being complete dumbasses <3333 UGH it's really good

AAAASHE ASHE ASHE IM SOOO SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED ASHE IN THIS I miss him.so much every day. from what I know so far master involves having/making/controlling some sort of minion (cannot think of a better word than that rn) AND I THINK THATS REALLYYYY perfect for ashe. i assume he would actually work pretty closely to canon in that his limitation would be the book? or if he doesn't have the book maybe his limitation would be a) having only a few different types of things he could summon (the big hand, the water fairy, duck etc) and/or b) only being able to control them.for a short amount of time after they're summoned so he has to be quick about dismissing them. can't keep the demon hand around for too long or it might start picking things up and throwing them at random. putting teammates in danger bc he can't control it anymore etc etc. alsooooooo in clockblocker pov they VERY briefly mentioned the possibility of having secondary trigger events (?!!!!?!?!) and you know I locked onto that SO FUCKING HARD. ashe being born with powers and then his secondary trigger event being his mom's death <3 im.NOT even going to attempt to talk about how the trickster would work in worm world/if it would even exist in this setting bc i don't know enough about the types of powers and things yet..but just know. I am keeping this in the back of my mind "this is a fun surprise tool that will help us later" style

#also side note but can i say. thw whole time i was reading the leviathan fight a persistent thought in the back of my mind was #“man i really wish they had a cape here who could control water- THEY NEED TIDE... THEY NEED TIDE SO BAD”#so like..really normal about putting prime defenders SPECIFICALLY in the leviathan fight. teehee (<< most diabolical laugh youve ever heard #I HAVE A LOT MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT WILLIAM TOO BUT..HMMMMMMMMM DONT THINK I CAN SAY SOME OD THEM YET #EXTREMELY interested 2 see whether ur thoughts on specifically him and dakota #will change after both the training arc and certain other events <3 #hehehehehehehee #GOD I CANNOT STOP IMAGINING. PD IN WORM.WORLD. they would suffer so fucking badly man.#william wisp guilt complex about his powers turned up to 200 #HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT ASHE ALSOOOOO . AS ALWAYS #now that i know more abt power classes i am VERY confidently going to put mark down as a tinker/striker.#with the tinker rating being SLIGHTLY higher than striker bc he uses the things he makes to amplify his naturally weaker striker powers.#tiiiiiide im thinkingggg would be. whats the elemental one.#not breaker bc thats specifically about breaking physics and i dont think that works for him.#is it shaker?????? i dknt think ive learned shaker yet.#U ARE MORE EQUIPPED AT THIS THAN ME whats tide. tide would also for sure be a case 53 right. i havent exactly learned what that means yet #but im assuming its the whole artifically giving people powers thing and. thats tide baby. idk if clones would work in worm world #so maybe its him and his regular siblings all being specifically given elemental powers #so they could work together as some super crazy powerful team. and then. that Doesnt happen <3 #(idk if u have listened to the tide oneshot yet but. its good. if you ignore dodgeboy)#ANYWAY. i should start getting ready for work now. im having so many thoughts about this norlw #hollyyyyyy shit #infected my brain with worms (pun intended)#asks #friends!!!#intertexts #wormposting #jrwi pd #<< only tagging so i can find this later when i learn more and can properly yell about it #new haven wards

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seaofreverie · 6 months ago

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Man.

#it's the else day of my tmbg album a day challenge which plunged me right back into my previous the else fixation state of mind #the grip this album had on me for the first few months of 2023 is truly something #but goddamn even now i'm just still shocked by how good this album is!!!!!!#and to think that it's often put in the category of their 00s 'slump' period (meanwhile i absolutely love the other 00s albums #and find them just as fun and interesting and clever etc as anything else but thats a whole different topic)#and even speaking less from personal preference towards this type of music and more generally #it's got to be one of their most sonically consistent albums. and maybe the fact #that some songs might be considered a bit less distinctly theirs you know. but more like just your regular rock songs. maybe. more 'normal'.#could be its weakness that i don't really see *as* a weakness here. i think a big part of the draw of this album for me #is how it has this completely separate identity from their other albums (even just other 21st century stuff)#it's 'edgier' but not really dark. ofc there's also the political side of it that weights on the mood of the whole thing #but all the while it has this sort of whimsical atmosphere that makes it even sort of fairytaleish in a way #but maybe with a dark twist? BUT ofc still doing it all in the tmbg way. so it's very unique!!!! and also absolutely awesome and rocking!!!#petition for the band to bring withered hope back into their live repertoire. or anything besides the mesopotamians PLEEEEASE!!#it would be so awesome with the horns....#very not completely normal about this album still. awesome #anyway it's midnight currently and i have to get up sort of early so i'm shutting up now #goosepost #Spotify

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reinabeestudio · 1 year ago

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you stop shaving as a woman and people just dont know what to call you anymore huh

#you ever get so annoyed that you draw ur irl self instead of your epic swag yass slay pretty sona #i didnt stop shaving for any statement btw it just drains me to do it & i havent been in the mood for months LMAO #i think i'm so used to the comfort of being surrounded by ppl presenting however they want and calling themselves whatever #sometimes i forget how. binary everything still is where i live #note that aint trans btw. i was afab & i dont fully identify as that currently but i have no problem being called a girl #and due to Health Reasons(tm) i get hairier than one would consider 'normal' for a woman (among other things)#(listen we all know gender is a nuanced spectrum but im not in the mood to talk about it in the tags of my own blog lol)#that + short + fat + voice breaks sometimes + mostly wears 'gender neutral' clothing. been mistaken for a prebuscent guy sometimes #(i say 'gender neutral' but its just regular ass baggy shirts and pants/jeans. 💥)#and if y'know me personally youre prolly reading this like 'what'. and yeah thats my reality sometimes LMAO #and im spanish so things are Extra gendered >8'D #i dont even bother explainin my gender to family its just not worth it so i take the she/her and move on #usually i dont talk about these irl things bc whatever but it's starting to irritate me lol #like. do i have to fuckin shave just to not be misgendered. fuckin christ dude #i need to get my yearly haircut btw. i dont like long hair on myself. its getting warm & it makes me sweat i hate it 🧍‍♂️

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dandyshucks · 6 months ago

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i need to vent i'm sorry dear god things are so bad

me when the conservative candidate is voted in (which is not a surprise bc i live in a conservative area but still) and this guy has exhibited pedophilic behaviour in the past and is a proud gun/army fanatic. i'm gonna fucking die.

and the conservatives in my province this year have been the most aggressively and openly transphobic main political party we've ever seen nation-wide, and it is looking like theyre either going to win majority or them and the other party are both going to be minority gvmts together and both of those options are Bad bc conservatives are going to have so much power either way. unless somehow the other party manages to juuust pull ahead enough to make up majority but it... isn't looking that way. and that's just coveirng the transphobia, theres been so much racism and other shit going on too, i'm really really scared !! esp w the fe.deral election coming up next year !!!

i feel extraordinarily unsafe rn esp with some local politics from earlier this year w someone in a position of power in town (i have to be so vague otherwise its going to be way too easy to look shit up and place me on a map lol, im already pushing it as is) and it was horrifying and seeing so many ppl be apathetic to it is just. so scary. i'm scared !!

also i have to wait for another two days for the welfare ministry to call me (stressed all day long from 8-5 bc idk when theyre going to call me) and if they do not call me by the end of tuesday then i have to phone a couple ppl and ask what to do bc they're supposed to call me to do the eligibility interview within two weeks of submitting my application. and by this tuesday it'll have been two weeks. i'm so unbelievably stressed dsfjkl i've been nauseous so much lately bc of the anxiety. and i dont cry very often but god almighty i've been crying every couple of days these past two weeks bc i'm just so exhausted and stressed and at the end of my rope fdsjkl

also my mother is being really scary lately and i can't do anything about it except keep my head down and just hope she eventually stops this shit

anyways i am not doing well ! feeling like everything is sort of closing in on me :''''))) idk what to do about it bc nearly everything that's causing me overwhelming amounts of stress is out of my control so i just have to keep clinging to life with the tenacity of a cockroach. but i'm really tired of it 😭😭😭 and i just. would like to be safe? i guess? that's such a silly notion though fdsjkl i do not ever get to be safe so it is silly to want for that. i think mostly i just want things to go back to being tolerable fsjkl i am... reaching the crisis limits beyond my real limits, to be entirely honest.

#sorry im sorry fdsjkl i am very sorry for this vent holy moly i am just so fucking scared rn #i would like things to calm down and be okay but auuughhhh life does not want to let me have that !#im going to . idk what to do tonight. i want to curl up in bed and just cry but its too early to get into bed fdsjkl #idk if i can draw though bc im so nauseous. idk what else to do. i can't focus on any art making bc i am ... panicking i think?#very funny that i describe like. semi-regular occurrences to mental health professionals and they tell me ''uh thats a panic attack''#and i go huh? but this happens on like a weekly basis. and i dont feel like its really all that bad like im not audibly hyperventilating #i just dont ... breathe much for a while. and its hard to focus on anything bc i feel like my brain is screaming #but i thought that was just regular anxiety 😭😭😭 my scope of ''normal'' is so hopelessly skewed arghhh #I NEED TO STOP TALKING SORRY. i am going away from here now. i really genuinely just needed to scream into the void for a minute #dandy.cmd #vent //

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