#its funny cause i never knew that being bad with change was a trait of autism and now that i do?

[ask-steven-stevenson]

“It’s okay. I will make him hot chocolate as an apology. I will also make some for you, if it helps. However, I haven’t watched many Disney movies. Any suggestions..?”

dad. i can no longer sleep peacefully. do we have a heating pad. a. and we might have to go to the store.

woe. your child is stuck as a human now. erm.

//@the-flys-buzz (HE SUFFERS WITH ME.)

“.,,?? A. Are you alright.?? i have heating pad I can run and get it if you’d like. Though, you’d have to stay with Jake.”

[succulent-pott]

You know what no i’m actually done being moderately passive in this: I *HATE* Sierra. I will never NOT hate Sierra. You will NEVER be able to change my mind. I’m genuinely tired of cody being reduced to “he would be dead w/o Sierra” or “Sierra carried WT” or “Sierra and cody are suchhhh a good couple” this shit is the reason why SA and stalking have been idealized in media (ESPECIALLY REGARDING COUPLES) and if you genuinely think Sierra isn’t “that bad” i want you to think about what message this sends to uhh you know actual perpetrators AND victims???? When the character is STRAIGHT UP GENUINE harrassment you just cant defend that??.

“Bu-but-but-but-bur He’d be dead without her!!!1!1!1!1!1” he probably just would have gotten voted earlier??? He wouldn’t have won EITHER WAY???? Plus are you stupid? Did you watch the show?? Not even characters that compete for one season die: EZEKIEL LITERALLY SURVIVED A VOLCANO *AND* RADIATION AFTER HE BECAME *FERAL*???? I wouldnt have a problem w/ this if it wasn’t- you know sierra’s ONLY TRAIT to stalk and harass people??? Everything about HER revolves around CODY (and on occasion Chris by proxy of her mom). I dont think i have to explain why that is not healthy????

“Ermmmm she’s actually meant to represent the fandom” yeah,: you guys! The people defending an actual stalker like ur life depends on it! Just accept that someone can do bad things and move on! Because god knows you guys don’t actually care about shaming abusers if they’re funny enough.

“Blah blah blah shes just a fictional character!”!1!” And if enough pseudo-Sierras “aren’t actually that bad” where and when does the boundary get set??? People like Sierra exist, abusive relationships exist and if people would stop misinterpreting Cody and Sierra as “healthy” (which by the way, how the hell did you get that?? I genuinely hate them together) we could actually have a conversation about how abusive relationships in all strands should be portrayed in media for different ages.

“Ermmmm she’s probablu been in a bad situation because her mom has an obsession with chris” Okay?? People have bad things happen to them and turn out to not be horrible?? Hell, people do bad things and IMPROVE even slightly. SIERRA DOES NOT CHANGE THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SEASON. If anything, she gets worse (imo). Not to mention with fresh tv’s track record (and track record to-be based on release since there is ROTI immediately afterwards) of representing disorders, I can say I HIGHLY doubt they put that much thought into Sierra. She’s just another version of the 2000’s favourite joke: “stalker can’t be stalker, because stalker is GIRL 😂😂😂😂 girl can’t be stalker! She’s GIRL!!!!!!1!” If you headcanon that just cause, okay sure whatever i guess. If you use that as an EXCUSE for her actions *THEN* we have a problem.

As a guy who’s been somewhere similar before, I actually find Sierra disgusting. I genuinely have trouble watching the third season which sucks because some other character dynamics are REALLY good that season. Maybe its because she reminds me of people I knew, or because I know first-hand what the dynamic is like in action, or maybe just because I have a functioning brain and literary retention and mild empathy which even jf you do lack, I think you could understand that the relationship (PLATONIC OR NOT) is not healthy!!

Ughhhh.

[poguestvff]

Used To The Cold — S. Cameron

In which Sarah Cameron comes to a realization after her girlfriend moves across the country.

taglist | main masterlist | 2.0k words

warning(s): none, fluff, i heart sarah <33

Have you ever lost something that held either so many memories or brought a sort of happiness that just warmed you immediately even at the sight of it? Most people have something like that. Such as for children when it comes to losing stuffed animals or action figures that were a source of comfort, they missed it like hell. Said children grow up and look for a new source of comfort. Some teenagers found it in weed and alchohol, others in sports. For Sarah Cameron, she grew out of the beautiful pink blanket her father had gotten her as a toddler. As she grew into a teenager, she found a new solace.

Her girlfriend.

Sarah made it very apparent to show her love to her girlfriend who, at one point, was just her best friend who she could hardly even bare to be away from. Sarah had known she'd loved Y/n before they even got together by the way Sarah had never felt claustrophobic in the friendship that she held with the other girl. She said the three words within the first six months of being with her, words she had never spoken to another being other than her family. It was a word she, personally, took seriously. For her to say it to Y/n showed the amount of trust she held within her. Trust to not feel so closed off with Y/n.

At the beginning of the relationship, Sarah was glad that not much had changed between the two of them. That Y/n let her have her space whenever she needed it without the dependent need to be together all day though it quickly became backwards. Sarah grew even more clingy to Y/n, hardly able to deal without her hands being stuck to her girlfriend like glue. Whenever they went out to lunch, Sarah played a one sided game of footsies that only brought a smile upon Y/n’s features, one of Sarah’s favorite traits about her. Sarah loved the idea of always having a person to call her own, Y/n seeming to be the one person who could bring out her newfound touchiness. Though, sometimes she pondered on whether Y/n herself was even handling it or if she just ‘put up’ with it. If she did have an indifference towards Sarah’s actions, she surely never showed her disinterest in it.

Though the last time Sarah had held on to her girlfriend felt soul crushing and gut wrenching. As the two of them stood on the creaky, wooden dock just before the ferry, Sarah felt drained. Between the amount of crying she’d done in just the past few days had been enough to make her want to sleep forever and the comfort of her girlfriends arms around her hadn’t helped that feeling. Tears held a steady stream down both of their faces though Sarah was the one who was unable to contain her sobs. People passed around them, solemn looks given to the two of them as they listened in on the sniffles and soft wails.

Y/n didn’t need to be a genius to understand that this was twice as hard for Sarah as it would be for her. Y/n was leaving, miles away that Sarah couldn’t even pin on when the next time she’d being able to hold on to her would be. All she knew was that this embrace that Y/n held on her would be the last one for months and there wasn’t a thing that would be able to make up for it between now and then.

It evoked an indescribable sort of fear within Sarah but she knew it was immutable. If Sarah could, she'd even drop her whole life within Outer Banks to follow her girlfriend across the world. There wasn't much Sarah wouldn't do and there wasn't much Y/n wouldn't do for Sarah either, including the moving date having already been pushed back a month because of Y/n's several arguments with her parents.

"I don't want you to go." sarah whispered as y/n kissed her neck. She could hear the blonde's pained and wavering voice, how affected she already was even as Y/n hadn't even stood on the boat yet.

"I know, lover." the y/h/c girl spoke in a low tone, only sarah able to hear her words of affirmation. Y/n was first to pull back, placing her hands on Sarah's cheeks. The sight of Sarah with puffy eyes and a quivering lip made y/n's heart throb and a guilty feeling blanket over her like a raising tide. "i'll visit. Every chance I get, you know I will."

"It won't be the same." she lamented. Y/n placed her lips against Sarah’s, delicately as if the blonde were made of porcelain. When Y/n's parents had called for her and Ward and Rose had called Sarah away from the dock, Sarah only seemed to want to cling further, fingers pressing further into the thin jacket Y/n worse, but their time had finally run out. Even after weeks of pretending that they had all the time in the world, like nothing could pull the two of them apart, it had happened.

The first few weeks, the whole Cameron house had known Sarah spent most of her nights crying herself to sleep and the entire Y/l/n house knew Y/n was not going to be speaking to them for a little while due to their newest decision. Both groups of parents hadn't known that pulling the duo away from one another would become such a quagmire for each of them.

When Y/n did finally decide to talk to her parents, it was usually to say she was leaving to explore the area in which she refused to get to know the first few days. With a driver license, it gave her just a bit of freedom from her parents who's impromptu decisions had still caused for a tearing in their familial relationship.

Y/n sat in her parked car, a hot beverage in hand to adjust to the cold in which she'd just stood in for five minutes. All of it for a drink that wasn't even that good in her opinion but she dealt with it. With the hand not holding the steaming drink, she opened her phone, smiling immediately at the photo of her and sarah as her background. She unlocked it, scrolling around to find Sarah's contact and setting her phone up against the dashboard. While it began to ring, Y/n situated herself to begin to drive. "Hi, Y/n/n!" Sarah shouted excitedly the second she'd answered.

At her tone of voice did Y/n laugh. The enthusiasm was no surprise but it was funny to Y/n every time. "Hi, baby." She replied, fhe smile remaining on her face as she looked towards the screen. Sarah sat at her desk, her hands under her jaw though a pencil between her fingers. She had focused all of her attention from the papers in front of her to the driver on the other end of the phone. "What are you doing?"

The sound of whizzing paper had made Y/n glance to the phone seeing a math sheet now replacing Sarah's face before she placed it back down, a frown appearing on her features. "Math."

"Didn't you just start like two days ago?" Y/n asked, taking a sip from her drink.

"Yes and this teacher is an absolute bitch. You're just lucky you don't start for another week. You would hate Mr. Henley."

Y/n let out an awfully dramatic gasp. "Um, hello, Mr. Henley was literally my home room teacher last year, I'll have you know. Show some respect." She said, almost missing Sarah's chagrined look as she smiled.

"You're supposed to be on my side here."

"Sorry, i don't believe in biases, Sar." She joked for sarah to let out a small snicker.

"So tell me, how's minnesota?" Sarah asked, trying to spark up a conversation even if the distance was the same thing she wanted to keep her mind off of.

"Oh, it's so great. So many hot people." she remarked.

"You're not funny, no one has ever found you funny." Sarah replied though unable to hold in her laugh along with her girlfriend. "I'm serious. we haven't talked much about it and i don't want to like... avoid your new life now."

Y/n sighed, looking towards the phone to see Sarah looking back down at her work in front of her. "Fine. Well, it doesn't particularly suck. The no surfing part definitely does, though, but what can you do. And the coffee here... no, its just so bad, babe. granted, i only had one, and it's in my cup holder right now but it's gross."

"My coffee making is better, right?" Sarah asked as Y/n gave a hefty nod.

"So much better, even if it is the only thing you're good at making." Y/n laughed and Sarah attempted to refuse a smile, her cheeks quivering from trying to keep it down. "But the weather dropped today, randomly. It was seventy yesterday, fifty today but i think i'm getting used to the cold."

Sarah lifted her head back to the phone, watching Y/n focus on driving, her eyes diverting on places away from the screen. Sarah but at her inner cheek, drumming her fingers against the white wood that rested under her forearms. "Used to it?" Sarah asked. She knew Y/n's move was permanent at least until she was eighteen but something about those words made it seem more realistic. She was getting used to a place that wasn't home.

Y/n hummed. "Yeah, i'm probably being dramatic. I saw a guy walking around in a tank top and shorts while i'm wearing double pair of socks right now." she grinned at her own comment though picking up on Sarah's sudden discomfort when she replied with a small 'wow'. "Lover?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on?" Y/n asked, the car slowing to a stop at a red light.

Sarah quickly shook her head. "No, it's nothing. Just... the work. Keep your eye on the road."

"Sarah." The blond recognized the tone of voice quickly.

"Just... I just fully realized how permanent this is. I won't see you until, what? December? That's a long time, Y/n! And, i get it, it's your home now and i can't do anything about it but—"

Y/n was quick to cut her off. "I never said this is home. Sure I live here but it's just a couple walls and a roof. It's not home, Sarah." Y/n began. "Home is you. And trust me, i've been missing home the second i got on that ferry."

Despite them having to look at one another through a glass screen the feeling—the connection between the two of them was still felt. Sarah could feel the normal warm feeling she would've gotten whenever Y/n would simply hold her hand or brush her hair over her ear. she held that much of an effect on Sarah in person and somehow even thousands of miles away.

Sarah hadn't even realized she had been staring for a total of twenty seconds until a singular tear fell down her blushing cheeks. she quickly sniffled, recomposing herself as she wiped it away. "Are you seriously making me cry right now?" She muttered with the way the atmosphere had become though relishing in the way Y/n laughed in response.

"Yes, thank you for ignoring everything i just said, lover." Y/n put the car back in drive as the light went green. Due to the steets being relatively empty in her new small town, she took the time to look back over at the phone to Sarah. "I love you."

Sarah's smile widened in thag very moment, pursing her lips before pushing them out. "I love you more."

"And don't worry. I won't get to used to it. I'll be back home, to you, before you even know it." Y/n took a small glance to the phone, enjoying Sarah's gaze that showed even with the distance put between the two of them, they'd be fine.

[butwhatifidothis]

Tumblr is starting to VERY MUCH dislike how long the other reblog chain is getting, so this will be Reblog Chain 2 of my jotting down notes of this fic. Here is the first reblog chain for Chapters 1-20

But it appears as though I was correct in sleeping off Chapter 20, because Chapter 21 is. Hm. bad. Very. Not good.

Chapter 21:

Transcript under the cut:

Chapter 21: It's Called Scars so it Gonna Be Ass

- To be blunt, the constant need to reaffirm that yes, Edelgard went through terrible experimentation and that yes, they were very horrific, is tiring. This is chapter 21. The experiments occurred in chapter 2. Every single chapter between now and then have, at some point, mentioned that INDEED, Edelgard DID in fact go through horrific trauma. It is tiring to the reader to constantly have to reread the same thing - we know it happened. We know it was terrible. There's no need to constantly say so; we already understand as readers.

- "Every time the spark of life broke through Byleth’s blank face, it brought a flickering hope to the Flame Emperor’s heart." ->

- Firstly: Awkward use of the Flame Emperor epithet (its usage is on and off with how appropriate its been - this is off).

- Secondly: Once again, Byleth's face was rarely if ever blank. She was never the Ashen Demon, as even the last chapter showcased. The author is mistaking reservation with emotionlessness, which is simply wrong

- "There had been so many empty days and nights, without friendship, love or joy. With nothing to hope for, except someday, the peace of the grave." -> Suicidal tendencies: another trait that Edelgard doesn't have... (strikes against canon: 89)

- ...but Dimitri does. Counter: 12

- "Dimitri, too, was troubled by the thought, grasping the side of his head and frowning. As the spasm passed, he turned to Edelgard and smiled warmly." -> It seems a little callous to so casually toss Dimitri's symptoms into his interactions with others when such things simply don't occur in the canon interactions. It's not impossible, or strictly against canon, but it does not feel natural; it's more as though the author is shining bright neon signs that say DIMITRI HAS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES than a genuine attempt at writing Dimitri's mental health issues. This is not the first time this sort of seemingly thoughtless showcasing of symptoms has happened (Noted separately: Dimitri having drastic mood swings)

- "No, this world must be ruled by humans…not cruel gods who ignored the prayers of little girls." -> This statement follows Edelgard internally chastising the actions of not gods, but the Children of the Goddess. This is a weaselly attempt at dodging Edelgard's racist beliefs that Nabateans should not be allowed positions of power by shifting the belief to apply to miscellaneous gods instead. While not inaccurate per se - she does also canonically believe that gods should have no power in human affairs - it is not honest

- "Byleth nodded with childlike simplicity. “We should all try to get along.”" -> Again describing Byleth as childlike and/or innocent. Counter: 3

- For those curious: yes, the rat scene is implemented, yes it is sloppy, yes it is out of character for Claude - so much so that it is being noted separately - and yes it is forced to all hell

- What will be noted here, however, is that this is yet another instance of a man being demeaned/humiliated for the honor of a woman. See quote: "Byleth was on him in an instant, a tempest forming in the sea of her blue eyes. “That isn’t funny.” She crossed her arms sternly. “Jokes are about bringing people together...about making them smile. Right now, the only person laughing is you.”" with Claude reacting awkwardly. Once again, Man Bad Woman Good

- In a showcasing of a complete lack of self-awareness within the fic: "“Maybe if you’d have taught the Deer instead…but since you seem to have no ambitions outside of cleaning up Edelgard’s messes…”" -> This is Claude being portrayed as the bad guy, not the one being completely and utterly right

- " She slapped Edelgard on the back, and smiled heartily. “I agree, Dimitri!” Edelgard grimaced, trying to hide the fact her teacher had just struck the wound she had received during the mock battle." -> As well as where undoubtedly countless scars would be, yes? Scars that still cause Edelgard pain? In fact, Edelgard has been slapped on the back by Byleth and Jeralt numerous times before, and yet expresses no pain or discomfort.

- Another thing, that I had not noted though ought to have: Edelgard, a victim of sexual assault (in this fic), rarely seems to mind people touching her. She gets a little surprised if someone tries to get her attention with touch, yes, but Byleth's constant unprompted and random touching of Edelgard is never said to do anything but bring warmth and joy and comfort to Edelgard. It seems as though Edelgard suffering through sexual assault is just another source of trauma for the author to dump onto her for nothing more than pity points

- This is incredibly harsh to say, yes, and I would usually refrain from attributing such harshness onto a piece of text, but remember that Edelgard's scars only cause her pain when it's convenient, that she only experiences headaches when it's convenient, that she experiences PTSD episodes (when Claude mentions the rat) when it's convenient (note that in this fic he does it outside of battle, where her getting triggered wouldn't compromise her chances at victory). Edelgard not being touch averse and being a victim of sexual assault are not inherently something bad - survivors react to trauma differently, after all - but it is another in a steadily longer line of instances where Edelgard is simply given trauma for the sake of making her pitiable to the reader and the love interest, not something that Edelgard genuinely has to struggle with.

- "As Claude and Dimitri looked at their classmate expectantly, Edelgard was wracked with another bout of guilt. Deep in her soul, the princess knew these peaceful days would end soon. When that happened, no feast or vows of friendship could make up for the chaos and horror she would unleash. It would be better to pull away, close off her heart, rather than fuel the flames of her inevitable betrayal." -> Aka, "Feel bad for me, I feel guilty for planning to cause the death and ruination of countless innocents' lives all because I convinced myself that my way is the only way to get things done my way without ever actually trying to see if more peaceful ways could have worked. I'm going to orphan children, force families to fight each other, have the land be rampaged by banditry, and overall bring chaos onto these days that I ADMIT ARE PEACEFUL all because I feel that my way would be better. Wah wah pity me but I don't wanna be pitied I promise wah wah."

- "Byleth shrugged with a characteristic blend of innocence and spirit. “I guess I just like winning.” She began to blush and grabbed Edelgard’s hand. "It's so exciting! I’ve never had anyone other than Papa to celebrate with before!”" -> Byleth = innocent/childlike. Counter: 4

- The fic likes to reaffirm again and again that Byleth is "now" only acting like this due to Edelgard's presence in her life. Note also these statements written previously: "Every day, [Edelgard] was watching the person she loved grow and change. Become who she always was supposed to be." This, perhaps unintentionally, again enforces the "Lesbian Love is Pure and Innocent" trope; these wlw are only allowed to be their good girl, innocent selves - who they were always supposed to be - due to the pure lesbian love they have found with one another

- Count Bergliez didn't know of the experiments initially, but he eventually found out and did nothing to stop them, fleeing from a young and tortured El who was pleading for him to save her - Unnecessarily painting Count Bergliez as a spineless coward too afraid of Duke Aegir to save a child in pain

- Once again, a man fails to save a woman and further traumatizes her

- It should be noted that Bergliez is fearful not for his own life, but for that of his children, who were the ones Duke Aegir threatened. He, very similar to Ionius, cannot save Edelgard, except Bergliez (unlike Ionius) has a tangible, physical, explainable reason as to why he couldn't, and yet it is him who is painted as the bad guy, not Ionius. He is worthy of Edelgard's scorn and hatred, but Ionius only receives a begrudging feeling of betrayal from Edelgard that she feels guilty for harboring, even though he failed her far more than Bergliez failed her.

- "Daughters must always be loyal to their fathers" trope

- "No decent person thought the things Edelgard did. Just as her body had been twisted and shattered by the experiments, her mind bore terrible scars. Scars that the monster kept hidden, so she could walk in the world of men." -> Dehumanizing oneself as a monster as well as having violent thoughts (that specifically stem from trauma) one feels guilty for harboring are not traits Edelgard shows in canon... (strikes against canon, 90, 91)

- ...but Dimitri does. Counter: 13, 14

- "world of men?" Did the author perhaps mean "world of man," as in mankind? Keep note of

- The reason as to why Bergliez is said to have witnessed young El's tortured state and did nothing to help her is revealed: in canon, he dislikes her. It is blatantly and objectively said that he and Edelgard share a mutual displeasure in the other's company. What this fic had him do will be used as an excuse as to why he doesn't hate her, since no one is allowed to dislike Edelgard on the "good" side

- Edelgard, upon being asked if revenge is the reason she is doing what she's doing (reuniting Fodlan): "“No.” Edelgard put her hand to her chin thoughtfully. “I think for a long time, it was…but after a while, I realized that revenge wouldn’t satisfy me.” She looked at the blue sky above. “After you go through that much suffering…when you beg for help, day after day, and no one cares...you realize that nothing will ever truly make you feel safe again. The only thing I want is for this madness to end.”" -> This is internally inconsistent. See chapter 15 note: ""You know why they created me in the first place.” / “To reunite Fódlan,” spat Hubert. “It was all my father talked about.” / “And I will give it to them. "" This directly connects Edelgard's want to reunite Fodlan to the wants of her tormenters (as this states she is doing it out of spite). Note how Hubert spits at the idea of reuniting Fodlan, and how it was all his father - portrayed as a villain - talked about. This is not what this Edelgard wants, at least not of her own independent want. Earlier in this very chapter, Edelgard internally states a want to hurt Bergliez for leaving her behind. To say that she now no longer thinks vengeance would satisfy her, or that none of the reason that she is doing everything she does is out of a want for revenge, is ridiculous

- Edelgard to Bergliez, upon being asked what will happen to him and his family should Edelgard rise to power: "“All those who distinguish themselves will be rewarded. Given your history, I have little doubt you will be among them.” She nervously played with her white gloves. “All I ask is that when I seize back control of the throne, I can count on the military’s support.”" -> Yes, all who distinguish themselves to Edelgard, for Edelgard's cause, that Edelgard can see and/or know of. How likely is it that a poor farmer who is exceptional at fighting will actually be noticed by Edelgard and be given the credit he deserves, when others who may not be as meritable but do have some merit have the connections to show themselves directly in front of Edelgard? What means will Edelgard give the poor soldiers (that she or Byleth aren't already friends with, notably Dorothea and Leonie) that will allow them to be able to be seen by her and have their merits recognized? Edelgard is the one who says who gains power after all, so it is her they must prove themselves to, but how can they realistically do that?

- What about professions that are not immediately beneficial to Edelgard's cause, such as the arts? How will they fare in Edelgard's society, when their works and talents yield no tangible, objective results (such as, say, farming)?

- Something the fic will address?

- Edelgard does not nervously do anything in front of those she is trying to negotiate with in canon, not even Thales. Strikes against canon: 92

- "[Bergliez] could only laugh in response. “I think we’re going to get along rather well, my lady…and the other?”" -> Except Bergliez and Edelgard don't get along well, ever. Pre ts they are stated to dislike each other, which continues even onto post ts with Bergliez being the only noble Edelgard couldn't bring to heel. Strikes against canon: 93

- As predicted: No one is allowed to dislike Edelgard on the "good" side

- Literally forgot Hubert was with Edelgard and Bergliez lmao

- Ionius tried to consolidate power to be rid of the consort system due to his unending love for Anselma -> A ridiculous idea, plain and simple. Ionius was Emperor. If he wished to be rid of the consort system there was no need for him to try and take away all power from the other Imperial houses.

- If Ionius truly loved Anselma, why did he allow her to be exiled from the Empire? Why didn't he step in and use his influence as Emperor to help her?

- Edelgard, when she is Emperor - passed down a supposedly empty crown, at that - showcases the all-encompassing power the title of Emperor truly holds to one willing to use that power. That Ionius supposedly wanted to do all of these reforms and yet nothing at all was done, ever (save for ruining Houses Hrym and Ordelia, something even this fic has as canon), if Ionius did want to make these reforms, means that he was too spineless and cowardly to truly go through with trying to pass them. This again unintentionally showcases how awful a ruler and weak-willed a person Ionius was when he had power when trying to paint him in this righteous light.

- Lambert was stated to be trying to pass reforms before he died in canon, not Ionius. From parents to the children, the author is attributing traits from Lambert onto Ionius just as he (author's confirmed gender is male) attributes traits from Dimitri onto Edelgard

- " Her father and mother…she had thought their romance a fairy tale-a story from her father to make a motherless child feel valued. But…they truly had loved each other." -> Edelgard does believe Ionius when he told her of the story of when he and Anselma (supposedly) met each other. There is nothing to indicate that Edelgard thought it to be a lie: in fact, in canon: "But I choose to believe there was genuine love between them." Strikes against canon: 94

- It seems as though finally, after around 18 chapters, Edelgard's scars will finally cause her genuine inconvenience due to her complex about them as well as her trust issues. She has a gash on her back from the Battle of Eagle and Lion, but will not have it treated if Manuela isn't the healer, and yet the woman is occupied dealing with the rest of the students who were injured. How will this fic deal with this?

- Ingrid, referring to her and Sylvain: ""We just switched from Felix lecturing us all day to listening to Edelgard moralizing, didn’t we?"" -> The author is trying to compare a childhood friend whose friends have had years to get used to their barbed tongue to a stranger that directly insults the dreams of one of them. Something which Ingrid canonically hates having be done to her, even from Felix, a childhood friend. Once again, Ingrid being so casual about Edelgard being so disrespectful of her dreams is out of character. Strikes against canon: 95

- "Sylvain shook his head knowingly, ignoring Felix’s truly alarming scowl. “You should have seen his face, Edelgard. Dimitri would go on and on about this girl he met when he was a kid…and Felix would complain about her for hours!” He looked at Felix and smiled. “For all his whining about the “Boar,” nobody loves Dimitri more than him.”" -> Oh? A romantic gay male relationship presenting itself within the fic?

- Another vision of SS experienced by Edelgard. Word from a nameless guard: "The woman, Byleth, leading their forces... She’s not human! She killed half my battalion with one swing of that sword of hers. She didn’t speak, she didn’t shout, she didn’t even change her expression!” The panicked man was teetering on the edge of hysteria. “All those people rallying around her, and it’s like she doesn’t care at all. Like she's a walking corpse!"" -> Obviously saying that Byleth becomes the Ashen Demon if not allowed to be with Edelgard.

- Unintentional statement: Byleth can't be the pure innocent (lesbian) woman without Edelgard's (lesbian) love granting her purity, reverting her to a monstrous, corrupt demon incapable of humanity

- See chapter 20 note: "Implying that choosing SS - aka, choosing the Nabateans - makes Byleth less human. Intentional?" Confirmed to be intentional. Also false: in canon, even when accounting for CF's lesser chapter count, Byleth emotes far more on SS than on CF, which matches with CF having Edelgard call Byleth detached in their A support. Strikes against canon: 96

- The same nameless soldier, same context: "And those Faerghus kids…” / Edelgard leaned forward in her chair. “Ingrid…Sylvain…what of them?” / “They…they were animals. Screaming and ranting about revenge for the King.” -> Is the author really demonizing Sylvain and Ingrid for (potentially!) being mad at Edelgard for murdering one of their childhood friends? Is that really the depths the Edelgard worship will sink to, that friends becoming enraged at a friend's unjust murder from a warlord is being portrayed as something sad for the warlord? Just what else should Edelgard be pitied for?

- "The scared girl desperately tried to drown out the thoughts that reverberated incessantly. / They’re going to despise us…it’s destiny. And how could they not? If we were truly good, the Goddess would have saved us…protected us. But She didn’t. The Goddess took Mother. She took our family. And soon, She’ll take everything else we love. She hates us. / It’s what we deserve." - Now confirmed that Edelgard hears multiple voices in her head tormenting her. That trait that, once again, Edelgard does not have... (Strikes against canon: 97)

- ...but Dimitri does. This is the third time this chapter that this has happened, and far from the only chapter to display such baffling characterization of Edelgard via Dimitri's traits. It is nonsensical.

- " Why had [Edelgard] even been born at all? Nonexistence would have been preferable to watching every faint dream be dashed, to suffering alone over and over. She was just…so tired of being alive." -> Once. Again. Suicidal tendencies/thoughts is not a trait Edelgard shows in canon... (Strikes against canon: 98)

- ...but Dimitri does. The fourth! The fourth time in one chapter the author desperately wanted to just write Dimitri!

- If the fic wanted to take Edelgard in a different direction than canon does and has her display some of these traits, it would be more passable, but this fic is under the delusion that it is in any way following canon closely, especially in regards to Edelgard, and so this can only be seen as a desperate attempt from the author to have Edelgard be sympathetic by donning the skin of an actually sympathetic character such as Dimitri

- "Edelgard looked at herself in the mirror. The back of her academy uniform was stained red, the rhythmic, soft dripping of blood assaulting the princess’ ears." -> And no one commented on this? No one was worried? Not Ingrid, Sylvain, and Felix, who were sitting right by her? Not Lysithea, who saw her take the blow to her back and never get it healed? Not Dimitri, who delivered the blow? It just so happened that literally no one at all noticed this?

- Byleth literally slapped Edelgard on the back earlier? Wouldn't her hand come back red with blood if it were seeping through the uniform?

** The scene that follows the previous note is too long to quote, despite how truly terrible it is. Long quotes, even extremely long quotes, have been presented in these notes before, but the length this quotation would be if the full extent of it were written here would be a mess, and quite frankly, at that point it would do one better to simply go to the fanfiction itself and read the text from there. With the context received from these notes, if one wishes to see the words for themselves, go to chapter 21 of The Emperor and the Goddess, enter Ctrl + F (or Find in Page on mobile devices), and enter the phrase "Byleth crossed her arms, clearly frustrated" verbatim. The following note will not be quoting the entire scene from the fic (merely summarizing it), though context is needed to understand how truly bad the scene is. **

- To have hope in this fic performing anything correctly is proving to be a fool's dream, for it has yet to do anything right; that includes the aforementioned gash upon Edelgard's back. As stated, it did not draw the attention of those who were sitting around her nor did it draw the attention of the one who witnessed the injury itself, nor of the one who delivered the injury itself, so no one commented on the gaping, bleeding wound Edelgard was "hiding" from everyone as she turned her (bleeding) back to them and left for the baths to clean up (it must be heavily stressed: immediately after leaving it is revealed that the blood is seeping through her uniform). As she was washing - naked, of course - Byleth just so happened to step into the baths with only a towel wrapped around her "for modesty," much to the horror of Edelgard, for she does not want Byleth seeing her scarred body. A slight argument arises between the two over Edelgard getting her injuries checked, before Byleth warns Edelgard that she will go to Rhea and force her to go to the infirmary should Edelgard continue to refuse treatment, which drives Edelgard past the brink. She raises her arms from the bathwater and presents her scars (""Fine!... If you want to see so badly, here!""), to the horror of Byleth ("Byleth Eisner was not a woman given to strong emotional reactions, but she staggered back, hands over her mouth."). Edelgard cries in hysteria, fear of her beloved teacher running away in disgust over her ugly, mutilated body overwhelming her. But Byleth, childlike in her innocence, shared that she too is scarred in strange ways, and that she too is scared of failing those around her - that she has no ambitions save to help and protect those around her. Byleth reveals that it is Edelgard whom Byleth looks up to for always being so strong and always moving forward, and shows that without Edelgard Byleth wouldn't know how to handle the pressure everyone else puts on her. The exchange ends with Byleth reassuring Edelgard that she is beautiful and not the monster she thinks she is.

- There is no nice way of putting this: this is a classic example of how not to write someone opening up to another about something. Edelgard views herself as weak, ugly, repulsive, a monster, shameful, but it is Byleth's love and affection that gives her comfort and warmth, that gives her hope of something more. It forces Byleth to behave wildly out of character (the author can try to excuse this with "well she wouldn't normally behave like this!" all he wants, it doesn't matter when it goes against the base, canonical Byleth. Strikes against canon: 99) in order for Edelgard's scarred body to be seen as something that is repulsive, that is ugly, that is stained, so much so that the pure, childlike, innocent Byleth couldn't stand to see something so tainted. And yet it is that same pure, childlike, innocent Byleth's pure, innocent, childlike love that pushes away the pain of Edelgard's scars for just that moment. Other characters become suddenly blind and/or forgetful of Edelgard's obvious, bleeding wound so that it is Byleth who can be the one to save Edelgard with her pure, innocent, childlike presence and her pure, innocent, childlike uncertainty about her own insecurities (but only when it is convenient for Edelgard, as even Byleth didn't noticed the gaping, bleeding wound until she was alone with Edelgard where no one could interrupt their bonding moment). This scene is inorganic and forced, ham-fisting Edelgard and Byleth in the same room - the wash room, where both are either naked or nearly naked - so that Byleth is the one to find Edelgard, no one else. No one was worried enough about the sudden exit Edelgard took from the conversation she was having to follow her and make sure she was alright, and Byleth just so happened to enter the baths right after Edelgard. The scene is, to be frank, insulting.

- There have been a couple of joking references to a book titled Stones to Abigail in these notes, but in all seriousness, this scene plays unsettlingly similar to a scene in said book, where a scarred girl who is naked reveals her "ugly" and "revolting" scarred body to the love interest, who goes on to soothe and comfort the naked girl as best they can. The resemblance is uncanny

- Byleth described as childlike/innocent. Counter: 5

- Edelgard, in canon, never expresses feeling herself to be ugly, or repulsive, or a monster. Strikes against canon: 100

- Again, Edelgard's scars are only important when they are convenient - this time, in helping develop the romantic relationship between her and Byleth

- There are ways in which scars can be utilized without being problematic, but certainly not when this much focus is placed on them and yet they are only truly present when they cannot hinder Edelgard.

- Perhaps particularly insulting is this phrase from Edelgard: "Did she actually love Byleth at all, or just being saved by her?" Yes, Edelgard, you do simply want to be saved by Byleth, because that is precisely what the narrative has been drilling into the reader's heads ever since Byleth showed herself. Byleth is Edelgard's light, Byleth is Edelgard's hope, Byleth gives Edelgard back her humanity, Byleth is Edelgard's one source of joy, Byleth is Edelgard's entire life, and nothing, absolutely nothing in this fic has shown this to ever be a bad thing. This dependence on Byleth to bring Edelgard joy at the near complete expense of everyone else has been propped up as something romantic, and yet it's now, 21 chapters and over 85K+ words in, that we're supposed to believe that this was actually Edelgard being unhealthy? Even though the author himself said that this was what he enjoyed about their relationship, how much they found each other in each other? Even though we see what the author thinks would happen to the two of them should they separate - Edelgard, lonely and afraid without her beloved teach, and Byleth, the Ashen Demon who cares for nothing without her beloved student - in her visions of SS? This is a joke

- It cannot be overstated that Byleth came to the bathhouses completely independently of Edelgard. She did not come to specifically see her because she followed her out of worry for Edelgard due to her injury - she only knows that Edelgard's injured in the first place due to seeing bloody bandages that Edelgard removed in the bathhouse, before Byleth arrived.

- Author's notes: "On Bergliez, we find out very little in-game, but he 1) offers himself for execution so his men can go free in SS and 2) seems to be actually competent at his job. I thought a nuanced portrayal was more interesting, since I've been writing Aegir as the absolute worst person in the world." -> Note: this is what the author believes to be a nuanced take on someone. Someone who likes Edelgard entirely and does nearly whatever they can to help her, but they did one thing that's morally gray (leaving a child behind to save his own children from the same fate) that is portrayed as objectively bad, so now they are nuanced. While perhaps this sort of character would be truly nuanced in better hands, as it is with his actions being portrayed as something that is obviously so completely and utterly wrong and him someone who deserves complete and utter condemnation - and yet Ionius, who does far worse for far less understandable reasons, gets a comparative slap on the wrist - it causes confusion as to Edelgard's lines. Bergliez seeing her the one time and never helping her is enough for her to want to hurt him as she was hurt, but her father repeatedly coming to and "being forced" to watch her actively be tortured and doing nothing does little to invoke similar depths of resentment? Even granting the idea that "she gives more slack to her father," Ionius is objectively and far worse than Bergliez, down to doing hard things to protect their children, and yet it is only Bergliez who is shined in this unpleasant a light

- To be clear, Bergliez's decision was not a good one, but understandable. It is a gray decision to make. But notice how he is called "gray" and "nuanced" and yet Ionius is nearly completely innocent, as described by the author himself, despite their being no given explaination as to why "he was a figurehead" should be a good enough reason to wash him literally standing there and watching as his children - some of whom aren't even teens yet - get slowly tortured and killed.

- "There are many localization changes I understand (Byleth wanting to get drunk after the battle is one of them), but Treehouse's decision to remove Ionius' entire reason for power centralization (eliminating the consorts) was a big, big mistake." -> Given the history of this author's grasp on the Japanese language, this needs to be checked, as he cannot be trusted as a source as to whether this is true

******* Notes of Claude mischaracterization: Chapter 21, section 1, paragraphs 1, 21 & 23, 27 *******

[spacewizardtrek]

WARNING: This post will ruin you. Like Medusa; look at your peril.

But here is is. It’s the one you’ve all been waiting for.

Kirk bod appreciation #7: The RIDICULOUSLY BEAUTIFUL FACE. A highly technical and academic review.

This is a rather nebulous one. And not, on the face of it (pardon the pun) very philosophical, as it’s essentially about Kirk being stupidly pretty. This post probably will (it will) descend into just screaming and sobbing, but there will be, I promise, *some* meaningful insight into the meaning of ‘beauty’ and textual analysis of its role herein.

Beauty is subjective. But look at him. It’s not just being aesthetic, but it’s the *way* he’s aesthetic. Here I might repeat myself a bit, but stay with me. I may have mentioned before once hearing him described as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is PRETTY. He is indeed often conveyed in the way the women stereotypically (not necessarily rightly) are on screen: perfect, smooth skin; soft, big eyes; luscious lips (his body is sensually curvaceous and furthermore it’s emphasised). He’s not androgynous though. He’s masculine. And yet I still sense what was meant in describing him as ‘beautiful in the way women are often described as beautiful’. He is a rather uncommon form of gender fuckery. He is a form of stereotype-subversion not commonly acknowledged. He seems to be everything at once, ALL THE GENDER; combines whichever traits he desires from those categories, and yet is undeniably a man and masculine whatever the ingredients. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE, one might wonder. The fact of the matter is, that it IS. And it teaches us something.

The FUCK. nO. You are not allowed to be that pretty, and you are NOT allowed to look at her like that. We’re trying to have a SENSIBLE DISCUSSION here.

Sorry, that was a non-sequitur / nothing to do with what we learn by Kirk’s embodiment; I was just ambushed by my own gif. Only the control of a Vulcan. ONLY that could possibly withstand this onslaught. And even that won’t hold up forever AS WE WELL KNOW

God.

This is going well, as you can tell.

OK. So, it’s claimed he has Eyes and Stupidly Long Weakness-Inducing Eyelashes. You know, from all that fanfic that goes on about ‘big, sparkling eyes’ and him fanning his ‘long, copper eyelashes’. I mean, yeah right, tropey mc tropeface -

IT’S TRUE. HE IS LITERALLY AN ANIME PRINCESS.

There are some moments where he just BLINKS and, how to describe it...how does a BLINK have that effect. It’s NOT ALLOWED.

...I’m sorry. It IS allowed. All of it. I am not shaming you your beauty. Never change, Jim. Never.

OK. I’m ok. 3 pics down, we can get through this -

Oh you are joking. Stop.

I don’t understand how anyone can be so beautiful. Life is a lie. Reality is fake -

- you did NOT just turn your big anime eyes on Spock. You do know this is why he ran away to PURGE ALL HIS EMOTIONS?

And for that matter, you know when Kirk looks his most beautiful? Literally WHEN HE’S LOOKING AT SPOCK. Spock talks some bollocks and Kirk just sparkles like a fucking angel:

Unbelievable. But utterly undeniable.

Sigh. Moving on.

Oh - someone once suggested I talk about The Lips. Lips are so wonderful aren’t they. So many wonderful things they can do.

And Kirk’s. They’re there in every picture: perfect, rosy, soft and madness-inducing. My advice is just...don’t think about them. But since I’ve been asked to draw attention to them, well, you’ve just sealed your fate. Scroll down at your peril.

I WARNED YOU.

I am pulling NO punches.

I’ve seen this great meme going around:

Excuse me though....CUTE?

That’s the understatement of the 23rd century.

Try impossibly beautiful, mind and body: heart of solid gold, soul deep in love with you. Those eyes and all their passion burned into your memories a thousand times over, along with - maybe, suggestibly, idk I’m extrapolating from all the goddamn tension - even the one unforgettable time he laid between lily-white sheets and gave himself to you; every gift of the mind, body and soul - and your ostensibly-forced Vulcan conditioning, that completely ignored how incompatible one part of you was with it, caused so much dissonance that you thought the only possible course of action for you both to survive was to BREAK UP, tear yourself from this beauty and love and sweetness to PURGE ALL EMOTIONS because nothing, nothing equipped you for this; you were set up specifically to fail, and fail hard in the face of transcendental love and beauty by those who rejected such things and didn’t understand you and could never imagine this for you and who instead of helping your beautiful neurodivergent brain flourish taught you to repress and caused you pain and shame and Gol was so hard and Kirk was so sad, so very sad and depressed and hurt and yet he couldn’t stop loving you with a bond so strong he called to you across the stars and Gol was all for naught yet you still didn’t know how to live like this, it was torture, torture until the mind meld with the living machine flashed your BIOS and you knew, love.exe was suddenly running with no errors and he came after you and held you and you held hands and, and -

.

*sobbing*

.

just...give me a moment

.

YOU WONDER WHAT THE SUBTEXT (FRIKKIN’ MAIN TEXT) OF STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE WAS ALL ABOUT???

The pain?? The angst?? The two logical entities seeking contact, love, THIS SIMPLE FEELING? That fucking moment when spock walks on the bridge and the only way he can control himself is to be SUPER Vulcan, while his love gazes at him with those EYES, fucking huge and glittering and hurt and loving?? Is it so much a mystery what memories these two are carrying, what’s behind the searing tension???????

Love him. Love him Spock. Take him in your arms and love him. He’s for you. All for you. Fucking hell guys. The fuck. This movie.

.

ok.

ok I can do this

CAN U NOT

those damn eyes I swear

It’s obviously not all just superficial physical beauty. What IS beauty? Narratively we do sometimes find this ‘prettiness’ enhanced and emphasized like the old vaseline lens to set the tone of a scene (he’s vulnerable and delicate, or someone’s indeed in love with him so we see their ‘lens’ on him); but it is somewhat intangible and nebulous and changeable. I don’t think aesthetic beauty, if one deems it so, on its own, would be enough for the likes of Spock (indeed, no woman could charm him thusly); it's about something deeper. It’s about who he is. Who he is inside: the beautiful AND the imperfect. How his good and bad - how his ‘all’ -  chimes with Spock’s 'all’. The Enemy Within deals with this, and shows how Spock loves all of Kirk, wants him complete, with both his light and shadow. The beauty of all of us is this totality and variance, not one intangible quality.

I’ll bet Spock’s parents knew immediately. Can you imagine Sarek trying to be a total bitch over Kirk, having heard the rumours and just wanting to have one more thing to reject Spock over, immediately projecting onto Kirk as some blow-up pretty-boy and how Incredibly More Disappointing My Son Is for being Obviously In Love With Stupid Illogical Human Doll Face Bubble Butt Bimbo Captain, and Amanda’s like, stfu, let me remind you Kirk is actually a Fucking Amazing Highly Decorated Starship Captain who Saves Your Life and don’t you DARE resent him just because he’s got tits/ass/tum/lips that won’t quit and is obviously the freakin’ sun Spock orbits. Mr ‘I married a human but that was special because it was logical’ or some bullshit. How is Kirk an illogical choice? I mean literally, Spock is a Science Genius™ on the federation’s FLAGSHIP whose well-matched Genius Captain™ understands him, accepts him, brings the best out of him, helps him fulfil his whole potential and is in love with him in the deepest and purest way and will be his bonded soulmate for ALL OF TIME and that fucking sour-faced bih at the start of that ep, ffs.

Of course Amanda stays in touch with Kirk, adores the fuck out of him, sends him old Vulcan lit on t’hy’la bonds (yes sarek, a T’HY’LA bond, so revered freakin’ poets write about it) etc because frankly her son could do FAR FUCKING WORSE.

FAR. FUCKING. WORSE.

Don’t...just don’t slip the bod into the equation, the face is enough for one post. We’re all in therapy for this already, let’s not relapse.

Oh, what’s the use. I’m gonna die. This is it. This is like the Monty Python joke that is so funny it kills you. This man is lethal. I need to stop this thread and purge all my emotions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead. We’re all dead.

I hope, however, seeing this post was worth it. See you at Gol everyone.

.

.

The Forbidden Texts, DO NOT READ:

Kirk bod appreciation #6: The Curves. The Front. The...chest. AND THE AMAZING GREEN WRAP

Kirk bod appreciation #5: The Paws

Kirk bod appreciation #4: The Curves. The Back. Poetry in motion.  

Kirk bod appreciation #3: Season 3 (Part 1)

Kirk bod appreciation #2b: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #2a: The Gluteus Maximus

Kirk bod appreciation #1: The Tum

[kerie-prince]

change of pace

Fred Weasley x Slytherin!reader

requested: (@pinkdevile) hey bae, can i request a one shot or headcanon about fred being whipped by one of ron classmates that is a non-pureblood slytherin and kind of prodigy in magic and how would he react to her being a typical dry slytherin and being a prodigy and good at everything?

summary: What happens when a red lion who lives in the moment falls for a green snake with plans for her future? Romance, of course.

a/n: stereotypical, yes but i had fun writing this :) also, i know my posting schedule keeps changing, so sorry about that 🥺 i got lots of requests (thank you guys SO much!) and i'm trying to not make them all sound the same. i'm looking up synonyms and all that stuff lol

(gif cred)

You were the least Slytherin person in your house. But maybe that's made you even more of a Slytherin. Your traits were that of a typical member of the house of snakes. No, you weren't a rude bitch; you had ambition that rivaled that of a Gryffindor and it wasn't even one of their traits. You aimed for the stars and your pride proved that you could do that and more. You are the best witch of your class, and maybe even your school.

And it was this reputation that caught the attention of someone who is quite the polar opposite. You were calm and collected. He was a wild card and unpredictable. Fred Weasley had his eyes on you and was going crazy for you. It all started when one day, he was with his friends and brothers in the Great Hall during lunch when you had walked up to Ron and Harry, “Hey Ron, were my notes able to help you?”

“Yeah, loads. Thank you, Y/N.” Lee was in the middle of a conversation with his best friends when he noticed Fred wasn't responding to anything he was saying. “Mate, you okay?” When you walked to your table, Fred scooted closer to his younger brother, “Dearest brother, how are you?”

“What do you want?” Ron saw right through him. He knew when Fred wanted something from him, just like now.

“Well I’m offended that you would assume something,” Fred held a hand over his chest with a fake offended look on his face, “can’t a person ask about the well being of his baby brother?” Ron had a deadpan expression and Harry was laughing at Fred’s exaggeration. “Fair enough. Who was that?”

“Who? Y/N? She’s in mine and Harry’s class, why?” Ron had taken a large bite from his turkey leg.

“What’s she like?” Fred inquired. Ron thought about it for a minute, “Dunno, she’s pretty quiet.”

“If I didn't know any better, I’d say that Freddie here fancies someone,” George teased. The surrounding friends laugh and point towards Fred. “I don’t fancy anyone. I’m just asking a simple question.”

Hermione and Ginny later joined the group. “What’s all this fuss about?” Hermione questioned.

“Fred’s asking about Y/L/N,” Harry caught Hermione up to speed. “Why? You’re not thinking of doing anything to her, are you?” Hermione started to scold the older boy.

“Why is it that you lot always think I’m up to no good,” Fred sighed.

“Because you’ve never been up to any good,” Ginny teased her older brother. Fred rolled his eyes and turned back to try and find you at your table. You had a couple of friends with you and a small book in your hand as you ate. Fred was determined to get your attention somehow.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

You sat in the library by yourself. You had spent the majority of the afternoon grading first years’ papers for Snape’s class and working with Hermione and Katie on a project for Ancient Runes. Giving up your weekends to study wasn't all that bad. The feeling of being on top was rewarding.

It was funny; your parents had stopped caring about your grades all together because they already knew what they were going to read. Not that they weren't supportive or proud of you. At family gatherings on your father’s side, he loved seeing the looks on his relatives’ faces when he boasted that you were the best student at Hogwarts.

But they have told you on many occasions that it wouldn't kill you to have at least one E. They wanted you to be able to have a normal teen life and have fun. Go to parties, get in trouble every now and then. You assured them that you were fine and all and even believed it yourself. You never had interest in breaking the pattern you had set.

The library was nearing its closing time and you packed your things. When you walked out the grand doors, a tall figure came in front of you and nearly knocked down all the books you carried. His hands caught whatever you couldn't hold before it hit the floor.

“Sorry about that,” you looked up at the towering boy. Your breath slightly hitched at the sight of his attractive face. His cheekbones were defined and his skin looked soft. You didn’t realize that you were staring, nor that he was also staring at you as well. Finally, he spoke up and handed you the book he was holding for you. “I believe this is for you.”

His mouth moved, but you were so distracted that it didn't occur to you he had actually said anything until you saw him looking at you expectedly. “Oh, thank you.” You started heading towards the dungeons when he jogged towards and stopped in front of you. “Aren’t you in the same class as Ron?”

“Yes, how did you know that?”

“I saw you talk to him the other day,” he told you. “I’m Fred.” He reached to shake your hands but then pulled it back when he remembered that your hands were full at the moment.

Ah, so this is Fred you thought. You've heard of him, who hasn't? Years of being at Hogwarts, tales of him and his equally devilish brother creating havoc around campus have traveled from one student to another. How you two had never seen one another until this point was surprising. It’s not like Hogwarts was a large school, but it wasn't small either.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.” You nodded your head towards him to replace a handshake. Ten seconds of silence caused you to walk past him and return to the path to the dungeons. “W-wait!” Fred called out.

He stood in front of you once again, one of his hands positioned in front of you to block you from walking past him again. “Would you like to get a butterbeer tomorrow?”

If there was anything you didn't like, it was being put on the spot. And another thing? Your routine being disturbed. Your Sunday was all planned out. Helping Sprout with her greenhouse to earn extra house points, tutoring some younger years, and getting a head start on your homework that wasn't even due for another week.

“I’m sorry, but no.” You gave him an apologetic smile as you walked away. Once again, he ran in front of you but this time merged with you and actually caused all of your books to fall.

“Merlin, I’m so sorry,” he bent down to help you pick them up. Fred usually isn't this clumsy or nervous. He usually charms his way through anything, but he was becoming like putty out of nowhere. “Okay, well what about Honeydukes next Saturday?”

“Sorry, but no again.” You started walking away for the nth time and turned around to look at him for the last time, “Please don’t follow me again.” And you were gone. But did this mean that Fred gave up on any chance he had? No. Far from it. If anything, it gave him reason to want to try harder.

He walked all the way to the Gryffindor house and luckily found Hermione studying in the common room with Pavarti and Lavender. There was a spot open next to her and when Ginny was about to take the spot, Fred grabbed her arm and pulled her away to steal the seat.

“Um, excuse you, I was going to sit–”

“Tell me everything you can about Y/N,” Fred interrupted his sister.

✿✿✿✿✿✿

He had tried to learn as much as he could about you. Fred learned that you had the top grades. Much like Harry did, you had learned the Patronus Charm before not only before your own class, but even Fred’s charms class. Your dad's a wizard, and your mum's a muggle. But most importantly, you were a picture perfect student, and although you didn't have any apparent hobbies, you picked up just about everything with ease.

A couple of weeks had passed and every other day, Fred had made any type of excuse to come see you.

‘Oh, my next class is in this direction’ It wasn't.

‘I like that book, too!’ You were, in fact, not holding a book but your personal journal.

‘Funny running into you here!’ It was in the Great Hall during breakfast.

Now, you didn't hate these interactions. They didn't do anything to your routine, and they were actually cute attempts to get your attention. But you didn't think you had any time for anything else. Or anyone else.

“You should give him a chance, Y/N/N. Live a little. I think the top student can take a bit of time for herself at least once,” your friend Millicent advised. Astoria agreed with her, “He’s cute~.” You slightly blushed in your book and pushed their arms away.

“I’ve never been on a date before,” you whispered. The two girls looked at each other confused before turning back to look at you. “Huh?”

“I’ve never been on a date before!” You flinched when you realized your voice was louder than intended. Your friends laughed when you looked towards the Gryffindor table to make sure Fred didn't hear you. He was talking to his friends, so that meant he didn't. Only he did, but felt your eyes on him so he pretended he didn't.

“So this is the perfect reason to go out with him! Go ask him out,” Millie pushed. She was persistently tapping on your arm until you eventually stood up. You took a deep breath to gather confidence and walked towards the table of red and gold.

When Fred's eyes met yours, you turned around and walked out of the Hall. He stood up from his seat and chased after you. He kept bumping into people, including Filch in the hallways. Filch yelled for him to stop, but of course Fred ignored him and kept going.

Momentarily, he lost you in the crowd of mixed color robes until he saw you sitting by yourself on a bench under a tree. He walked towards your direction and asked you with his eyes if he could take the seat next to you. You scooted down more to let the tall boy sit down.

Neither of you said anything for a few moments. You fiddled with your fingers on your lap and he stared up at the sky. “Nice day, innit?” Fred started the conversation. “Yes, it is.”

“Good weather to go walking around Hogsmeade” Fred tried one last attempt in asking you out.

“It would be,” you accepted.

He let out a sigh in defeat, “I know I ask a lot, but maybe just this once– wait, what did you say?” You looked up at him and smiled for the first time. His heart skipped a beat and the butterflies fluttered about inside.

“I’ll go with you.” He was so excited that he jumped up and did an air punch of victory. You laughed to yourself and when he looked at you, you had an eyebrow raised. He blushed in embarrassment and scratched the back of his neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Promptly at 2 in the afternoon in front of the Slytherin dorms. Don’t be late,” you stood up with confidence. You walked back to the Hall to tell your friends, cheeks warmed and ears blushing. “So?” Astoria asked.

“It’s just a date, that's it,” you sounded nonchalant about it, but the smile on your face said differently. You were excited for your day with Fred and for all, unpredictable adventures to come.

A much needed change of pace.

—

requests open!

[demonslayedher]

I'm glad you reactivated the questions, here are some flowers for you: 💐 Seriously speaking I'm sorry that because of a question I asked you a few weeks ago you watched a series of videos of psychopaths 🥲It made me laugh at first but then I felt guilty 💔 it's all Muzan's fault for leaving us all with curiosity (imagine his parents' reaction once they realized there was something wrong with him even as a human)

Yay, flowers (which I shall kill with my black thumb)! And no, no, it’s fine, I had hoped it came off funny! I like listening to stuff like that while I draw anyway because I’m a nerd anyway and I found it very interesting.

Speaking of being a nerd, you have innocuously unlocked the following essay about Heian period nobility and wisteria flowers: There is nothing to state so in canon, but I find it highly reasonable to say Muzan might had been of the very powerful Fujiwara clan. Step inside my office, Anon.

Okay. So. The Heian period, simply put, was a time of cultural flourishing and beautiful pastimes, the origins of a lot of Japanese style aesthetics, and a romantic courtly like of romancing everybody else in the court. This is assuming, of course, that you were at the very, very, very, very top of society. Otherwise, the vast majority of people were poor and sick and starving and ew, in young Muzan’s world, we do not wish to associate with that. In the Heian court, Kyoto basically is the whole cultural world. Even though there were other cities that could rival Kyoto, the emperor was there, so it was essentially the cultural center of the country. The nobles who lived there got money from owning land in far-flung provinces, but actually having to live in those provinces? What a drag! Having to live away from Kyoto for work, even if it wasn’t an official banishment, often felt like a punishment to the nobles and their families who were used to the social scene at court. And, like affluent courts around the world throughout history, understanding all the intricacies of style and “Heian Rumors” was key to having social clout, and popularity was power. And yeah, nobles would be vicious to each other. While clan dynamics and history are complex and not something I’m getting into here (I don’t consider myself well-versed in it enough), the Fujiwara clan is a BIG DEAL.  Basically, in Heian times, children were typically raised in their mother’s home, thereby heavily influenced by their mother’s clan, so besides a young man’s parents, his in-laws also would had been hugely influential in his life, as they will have a long-felt influence on his progeny. The Emperors typically married Fujiwara daughters. This, in addition to other positions of influence of the Fujiwara clan members usually held with influence over the Emperor, means that politically, there was no messing with them. Now, just because I say Muzan might had been a Fujiwara clan member, I don’t necessarily mean a member of the main branch of the family. Often, due to inheritance management, different branches of various noble clans might be given different surnames. The Fujiwara clan does have different branches, some of which did go one to have close ties with the imperial family even after the fall of their power at the end of the Heian period and all the way through the Taisho, and some branches carry some impressive family legacies but otherwise live like normal or high-class common folk in modern-day. (I know one such Ojousama from a renamed Fujiwara branch; she’s a sweetheart and never brings it up herself but every time I hear other people say things about her family, I’m like, dang.) We can venture from Muzan’s likely expensive medical treatment, multiple marriages (meaning other clans sought to be connected with his family even by marrying their daughters to a sick man), and even preparation for cremation as a baby that he was of a very, very high status. 

Being the sick son of a prominent family may have warped his personality in multiple ways: first, he was probably already used to a culture of popularity equated political power. We see in Muzan’s dealings with humans in the Taisho period that he can be exceedingly charming to get what he wants (a psychopath trait, haha), so he was probably pretty aware of the complex ways of socialites in the court. But, even being aware of that, it probably frustrated him to no end that he was too sick to take part in the social pastimes where he’d gain clout. It’s also possible that he was a bit of a bargain husband for his wives’ families who were seeking to a make ties with his family, as they must not had been politically useful enough to be married off to other powerful matches. This may be some of why he was so ruthless to them, for he never saw them as useful to him in the first place. This probably got a bit worse once he became a demon. Now to be lewd, but he probably got more vigorous in his pursuit of more powerful lovers, and knew how to slay the women’s hearts as he liked (you know, popular Heian pastime, everybody had lots of lovers, it was the norm, though political marriages and legitimate children were still important). That new sense of power probably went to his head. But, ultimately, he must had been limited in clout since he couldn’t take part in any daytime activities, thereby limiting his access to more powerful spheres of influence. His reputation from having grown up sickly must had followed him too. It’s anyone’s guess how much affection his parents had for him and how happy they were about his health at first, and if and when they might had noticed his changes. He was a full-fledged adult by the time he turned into a demon, so who knows how closely they even associated with him. They likely had healthier children who they devoted more care and attention to, and invested more family resources in while assuming Muzan would probably die young.

Who knows what the final straw was in Muzan leaving court? Was it frustration at not being able to walk in daylight that made him flee to the Kanto area in pursuit of the blue spider lily (from near where the doctor lived) long before Kanto became politically affluent? Or was it the rumors at court about how he didn’t age, and that he was eating people?

Of note, a lot of the early legends of demons in Japanese culture take place in the Heian period.

In his book “Japanese History of Demon Slayers,” retired Shizuoka University professor Tetsuo Owada capitalized on the success of Kimetsu no Yaiba to dive into a lot of ties between the series and what it may pay homage to throughout Japanese history and culture. While this was published last September and a handful of his theories have been disproven by the second fanbook published last February, and while I think a lot of his theories are stretching a little too far to make strong connections, it’s still deeply, deeply interesting stuff. He goes into some specific comparisons of demons, like Minamoto-no-Raiko and his posse of four big bad warriors taking on the Tsuchigumo (giant spider demon) terrorizing the mountains north of Kyoto harkening to the case of Rui’s family (and, ding ding ding, this was the primary focus of the official Kabuki/Kimetsu crossover last November), as well as takes little questions left in canon and dives into them a bit deeper. One such question is, why were wisteria lethal to demons? According to Prof. Owada’s research, there is no historical basis for this. Some of the talk online is that: 1. Wisteria are in fact poisonous, and consuming too much of them would cause vomiting and diarrhea (though I’ve also seen people make jam out of them because of the fragrance, so, like???) 2. Beans are thrown around at Setsubun to ward off demons (like so, Feat. Muzan and Kimetsu Beans), and wisteria are of the bean family 3. Wisteria like sunlight, so perhaps like Nichirin, they soak up some of the sun’s properties that are lethal to demons 4. In the language of flowers (Hanakotoba), wisteria symbolize kindness, welcomeness, refusing to leave someone’s side, being drunk with love, being straightforward and truthful, not losing the humanity in one’s heart, thereby containing a lot of meaning contrary to the conduct of demons Interesting, but some of its kind of a stretch. While still finding it a stretch to apply it to wisteria being poisonous to demons, Prof. Owada goes on to say that since ancient times, while the wisteria has some negative connotations of how it was sometimes written with characters meaning “doesn’t heal” (不治) and growing downward with smaller and smaller flowers like symbolize the slow downfall of a family line, it conversely also carries positive connotations of longevity and flourishing family due to the fact that its vines grow upward.

Now, you might picked up at some point that the Japanese word for wisteria is “fuji.” Not to be confused with Mt. Fuji (that’s written differently), it IS the same fuji as in “Fujiwara”: 藤.

Prof. Owada goes on to explore the association with the use of Wisteria crests in Kimetsu no Yaiba, especially on the houses of supporters of the Demon Slayer Corp. His recurring thesis is that the pandemic is partly responsible for Kimetsu no Yaiba’s popularity since demon legends have long since had origins in epidemics, and he supposes the Wisteria crest has a protective effect on the houses, similar to a talisman used in a lot of real life rituals for warding off illness and then often displays in or on the entries of houses to protect the family every year (I have one such item gifted to me, it stays by my doorway, along with a couple sticks of charcoal (but the culture of charcoal is a post for some other day)). The talisman is in reference to a god of Hindu/Chinese origins being treated with hospitality by the So clan, so although other families perished in disaster/disease, he promised to always protect the So clan descendants, so the talisman says “Descendants of the So Clan” so that any household may try to claim that divine protection. The gratitude-exchange of hospitality and protection and sure sounds familiar! Prof. Owada isn’t done yet. While the crest design used in Kimetsu no Yaiba isn’t an actual family crest in in real life, there are lots and lots and lots of family crests that use a wisteria design and have the character for “wisteria” in the name. Any time you hear “—tou”, like Satou, Saitou, or even Gotou, you can typically assume it’s 藤. It’s very common nowadays, but the first family to be granted the use of this name was the Fujiwara clan, when one of the pre-Heian and very powerful emperors granted their clan head this surname, which was a major honor, and it marked the start of the Fujiwara clan’s political dominance (there was already influence leading up to this, but meh, we like clear-cut stuff to simply centuries of history, don’t we?). Furthermore, although we often think of the Fujiwara clan for their influence at court, and we might think of the Minamoto clan for warrior heroes who fought demons, Prof. Owada concludes his argument of wisteria’s protective influence by pointed out a long list of Heian period Fujiwara warriors who also were the heroes of demon slaying legends, stating that their name has also long been tied with demon slayer culture. SO!!! Let me go on with my theory here. Muzan is from the same family line as Ubuyashiki. At some point (I assume after Muzan is long gone from Kyoto), the family is told while their children keep dying, and they accept their mission to bring an end to Kibutsuji Muzan and clear this curse on their family line. My thought is that their ancestor was a full blood sibling of Muzan, one whom was more invested in than sickly Muzan. While perhaps already an off-shoot of the Fujiwara Clan and thereby not entitled to the same sorts of inheritance, they probably maintained close ties with them. But, as it was already not direct by that time, the other Fujiwara clan branches were not affected by this curse. To further spare the clan the effects of this curse, this was probably when that sickly branch took the name Ubuyashiki. (And yes, I have things to say about this name and its possible mythological origins which I find a highly, highly interesting connection. Prof. Owada supposes it is tied with Izumo Taisha Grand Shrine and that is why there are nine pillars, but as much as I love Izumo Taisha and its giant pillars I base my argument in separate Shinto (but also Izumo!) mythology and accept that there are not always supposed to be nine Pillars specifically and Gotouge simply chose that number based on the number of strokes in the kanji for ‘Hashira’ (柱) BUT I DIGRESS). So, the Ubuyashiki Clan is it’s own thing, but is sort of like a cousin to the other Fujiwara branches and thereby continues to enjoy Fujiwara support throughout the Heian period, like some of the Fujiwara warriors going out there and slaying some of Muzan’s early demon experiments, and using their influence to bring in other warriors to the demon slaying cause (pet

theory: Genpei War warrior Kumagai Naozane was a member of the proto-Corp and using Kasugai-garasu was in practice since at least late Heian period). While the Ubuyashiki Clan probably already their own inherited land (and funds that came from it), throughout their history, their cousin clans might also have provided financial support to the Ubuyashiki Clan. But, they probably distanced themselves from the clan due to the curse and not wanting to be tainted. When you bring back in the wisteria associations this puts the contrary associations with a flourishing and dying family line in a new light. Furthermore, the “not healing” way of writing “fuji” also means a lot more in the context of Muzan’s, and later the Ubuyashiki clan’s illness.

[babydipper]

Love potion

hi again it's me and some kind of sirius fluff to angst. have fun

Sirius didn't particularly hate the Potions class. 

He didn't like it, either. 

Most of the time, he just flowed through, wishing for it to end while listening to James' bickering about some ridiculously easy mixtures to make. Sirius wouldn't call brewing potions ridiculously easy to do, but as long as Prongs was doing almost everything, he didn't care. 

That day, Sirius was at the point of falling asleep, when somebody knocked on the door. 

"Come in," Slughorn called, and the entrance burst open.

A small girl went in smiling shyly. She looked absurdly tiny in her loose jumper and jeans. Sirius was bored enough to stare, especially when he saw the good, old Sluggy beam in excitement as if Christmas came earlier that year. 

"You've sent for me, professor?" she focused her sight directly on Slughorn. "Is there something wrong with my last essay?".

"No, no, on contrary, the calculations were brilliant," he shrugged her off. Sirius raised his brows. So that's who she was. The teacher's pet and a massive Potions' nerd. "I called because I have a letter for you". 

Sirius watched her move to the teacher with wide eyes, and judged. Comically small, as some kind of magical fairy. He wondered, if under short, brown hair she hid pointy ears and whether the excitement came from her receiving the letter from some kind of fairy Hogwart. She looked eleven, after all.

"You didn't open it?" she squealed. 

Slughorn shook his head. He was glowing. Sirius pitied the rest of the class who was too focused on the assignment to bother. They were losing such a show. 

The fairy opened her letter breaking the seal and Sirius couldn't help but be curious whether she got into the other Hogwart with her pointy ears or not. 

"Oh, Merlin," she mumbled giving Slughorn the paper with shaky hands. "I got in, professor". 

Slughorn read it once, then twice, and smiled proudly, "You got in".

"I got in," she repeated absent-mindedly. "I got in with my essay about the Wolfsbane Potion that was mostly built on my calculations and that I was so insecure about-".

"You were insecure about it?" Slughorn shook his head again, this time with disbelief. "I don't want to argue with you when you're confident, then".

Sirius felt a single string of happiness for the random fairy. At least her life was going well. Even though he only cared for her for a brief moment and would forget the face that seemed to be just like the rest of the faces seconds after the fairy would walk out of the room, it was nice to hear some good news for once.

She giggled in answer to the professor's words. But then, the realization hit her hard and she stopped, covering her mouth with tiny hands. 

"Do you know what it means?" she mumbly asked Slughorn.

"Fifty points for the Slytherin House!".

The string cracked. Sirius cringed. Of course, she was a snake. A snake, a fairy, a nerd, and the Sluggy's pet. 

"No, no. It means I have to brew it. My potion. The upgraded Wolfsbane Potion. I need to brew it during the Olympics. And it has to work".

Slughorn's face tensed, but he smiled, eventually.

"You will figure it out," he patted her shoulder. "Now, go back to whatever shenanigans you were up to".

She took the letter keeping it close to her chest and said her goodbyes, then left. Slughorn seemed sadder, suddenly, almost as if she was the only light in his life. The thought made Sirius smirk. 

The Wolfsbane Potion. He was sure he had heard the name before. He focused himself on Remus, who now was looking absent-mindedly at the door probably having heard the conversation as well, and it clicked. The Wolfsbane Potion. The one they wanted to brew for Moony last year and couldn't.

Abruptly, Sirius wished he could remember the face of the fairy. Because he had a plan. And she was a huge part of it.

It started the same day when he bumped into her calling it an accident but having himself looking for her for hours. His friends called him out with laughter about picking on younger girls and he played along, played with her.

Her name was Arete, she was two years beneath them, and, apparently, had a huge thing for Potions. She was cringy, had acne scars almost everywhere that caused Sirius to look away every now and then. 

And she was a Slytherin.

He claimed, he remembered her from entering the classroom and made small talk. She went along as if she didn't know his name. Sirius found out she didn't. It was nice for once to be unknown. 

He gritted his teeth when whispers started to reach his ears and said nothing. He kept his mouth shut, never telling anyone anything bad about their growing relationship. 

He was raised to be cunning, to pay every price for what he wants. They called him stubborn as if it was a trait, but Sirius was not born with the conviction that he deserved all he wished for. He was fed it. It was learned, a belief that the whole world belonged to him. That he could do anything because he always got what he wanted. 

And he wanted everything good for his friends.

So he kept his mouth shut, smiled at nerdy Slytherin, and went along with the plan for weeks. Arete was oblivious to gossip in the focus on her own ambition, Sirius was grateful for that. Her scrappy body in too big clothes slipped into his routine as well as his athletic one into hers. 

And, somehow, the well-calculated idea went to shit.

"Come on, Black," Arete laughed softly, trying to keep a pencil in the perfect balance on her nose, "you can't beat me!".

He giggled, too. They were goofing for some time now and, how much he didn't want to admit it, Arete was fun to be around. She never made him talk about anything, always waiting for him to feel comfortable enough to share. Her childish humor didn't seem so immature, once he got to know her.

She made him feel safe to the point when he forgot she was a Slytherin. 

"How do you keep your marks so high when all you do while studying is this?" he teased leaning his head onto a hand. Sirius watched Arete with a smirk.

The pencil toppled over with a tap and she whined in disbelief.

"I am just bright," she stated trying to place her current interest again onto her nose. "That's what Sluggy's saying".

She was smart, indeed. Sirius saw that in the way she understood concepts in the brief of time. If Arete considered something worth studying, she would get it. No matter what.

He laughed at her cockiness.

She still was trying to play. In that position, her freckles were showing and long lashes cast a shadow over her cheeks. The green sweater smelled like a forest and candy. Somehow, in her soft looks and playful attitude he found some strange need, and blurted:

"Would you go out with me?".

"Yeah, sure".

"I meant it as a date".

The pencil fell once again and she sighed, "Doesn't change a thing," Arete responded, finally giving up on playing, and looked at him. "I still don't mind going out with you".

Sirius' gaze met her deeply disturbing green eyes that he used to think of as not interesting, and smiled. 

It was the beginning of the end.

-

"We need to break up," Sirius announced in a whisper when Arete met him to deliver the promised potion. "I was...". 

What was he doing, actually? Sirius lost his words. Shutting his mouth, he tried to look away from her, but couldn't. It needed to be done. She was too pure, too good, too kind. He just couldn't lie to her for eternity. Whatever they had, it was all built on an illusion. She deserved something true.

What was the truth, anyway? Did he really despise her? Was she so annoying and cringy? Whether her jokes were cute or childish? Were her freckles and scares he traced gently with fingertips so many times simply ugly or what painted her image golden in his mind?  Was she so human and raw with every breath she took as he thought?

Maybe he needed time. Maybe he could think it over, and over. Maybe Sirius would find pretty words to tell her about the storm she caused in his head. 

He wished for months, suddenly. He got seconds.

It was done.

"You were using me. Yeah, I know," she moistened her lips awkwardly. "I have known for quite some time, being honest". 

Sirius froze. Her hair put in place with a green clip looked soft. He wanted to reach for it, place it between his fingers, and feel its texture, but he couldn't. 

Because she knew.

Sirius laughed nervously.

"Love, what are you saying?" he started, but she shook her head and gave out a sigh.

"Stop fooling around, okay? I know you probably don't even like me, Sirius. I am not stupid," she stated. The potion in his hands suddenly felt heavier. "I was naive to believe that maybe... maybe what they've told me was wrong. And that maybe you like me. But I knew that, at some point, you are going to leave with what you wanted from me".

She knew the gossip. She knew everything.

He dared to look into her leafy eyes that reminded him of Forbbiden Forest's moss. They were alike dangerous. If he stared for too long, they would absorb him and never let go. 

Funny how time changes everything. He used to think of her as something common, no threat. It did not take much time for him to become enslaved by her adoration. 

He wanted to breathe her love.

But he lied to her using his silver tongue, not even flinching. He had his goal and he wanted to reach it no matter what. So he used her, got the advantage of unfamiliar Slytherin kindness and constellations built of freckles on her cheeks. They brightened whenever he came by. 

He grew to be charmed by them but acted like he never saw.

"I just wondered what you wanted, Sirius," she spoke truthfully. "It has never crossed my mind that all you needed from me was a potion". He heard something dark in her voice and shivered. There was hurt in it, a deep one. He felt as if his heart was about to explode. "You could have just asked".

"Who you were talking to about me, Arete?" his voice cracked at the question. "Who told you I'd use you?".

"Does it matter? I have my finals soon, so just take this bloody potion and hand it to the werewolf for Merlin's sake!" she cried out finally, showing him how much she believed he would never hurt her. "Just give it to Remus and leave!".

He took a step back. 

"What are you talking about?".

"Oh, come on, it's so obvious! Stop playing dumb," she crossed her arms trying hard not to cry in front of him. It looked heart-breaking to him. She was petite.  "There's only five people you would do it for, Pettigrew, Lupin, Potter, yourself and, possibly, your brother. I know Regulus personally, we got drunk on the full moon. Crossing out Reg, it leaves me only with the infamous Marauders, and you can do the rest of the math". 

Sirius panicked. She knew all of his secrets, all of his lies. And he could do nothing about it. His heart pounded fastly in the chest.

"I can stay with you, I promise, just don't tell anyone. I beg you," he cried, causing her eyes to widen. 

"Is this what you think of me?" she whispered. "That I would expose him to the whole school? That I am so desperate to blackmail you into dating me?".

"No, of course not!" he tried to call it back, but the damage was done and the eyes he loved to look into were teary now. 

Arete didn't know when she started to cry, but the tears were rolling down her cheeks. She knew Sirius was going to do this, eventually. So why did it hurt so much? Why was she asking herself what possibly she could have done to be enough? 

"Tell Remus, I will brew it every month, and that his secret is safe," she blurted out quietly. "And go away. Please, just go away," she collapsed on the chair and Sirius wished for nothing but having her enfolded with his arms.

He couldn't. He couldn't just go and leave her, a sobbing mess he had created. It all started innocently. Sirius would find her freckles and acne pretty, even though he despised them before. He would stare at her a little longer than necessary and look for her in the crowd she used to blend in. 

And now, he belonged to her. 

She gave a home to the stray in her soft looks and witty attitude. In her rawness, he found a place for his doubts and wishes. She took every part of him without a second thought. She enjoyed him for who he was. She gave him everything he needed. 

In return, he broke her heart. 

Sirius shook his head, then run out of the Potions' classroom keeping that bloody Wolfsbane Potion close to the chest. The guilt was too much, consuming with the teary looks she gave him. He got drunk on her tears. They poisoned his body as much as his heart, and he felt them running in the veins, burning them from the inside. 

He found out he loved her.

He couldn't go, but he had to. She asked him to.

So he left.

Maybe Romeo was right to kill himself in response to not being able to marry Julie. Or maybe Paris of the Troy was sane in the slaughter he had done out of love. Sirius thought, how much it ruined everything, to be young and in love, and understood every creature that in its short reign on Earth had decided to laugh into God's face and do something human to the core for once. 

He understood why they had decided to fall. 

[whistlewhileiblogit]

Thoughts on TLoU Part 2....Again

Yeah, I am back with another vent, rant, thoughts on...thing. I wanted to wait a long time after writing my initial reaction to the game, because I figured I’d get more clarity or something. Anyway, so here are my unedited and unfiltered thoughts...8 months later. So as always, this is going to be rambly, and I’ll probably just bold parts of note in case anyone wants to jump around. So here we go!

Oh and, SPOILERS AHEAD

Things I liked: These pretty much haven’t changed. The game is obviously beautiful, the gameplay itself I enjoyed immensely (when mentally separating it from the plot), the Joel and Ellie flashbacks. They were fantastic, and made me feel very reminiscent of the first game. Jesse and Dina were cool, but I found them underutilised, which is a massive shame because they were cool characters.

Yara and Lev were also great, and again, Yara was another completely wasted character potential. But love them nonetheless.

So yeah...that’s pretty much it, I think?

Now for the things I didn’t like...

The writing is the biggest sin in the game to me, as it creates so many structural issues. The pacing is wild and jarring, we aren’t given enough time to bond with certain characters before they are killed off, the narrative itself manages to be incredible simple yet complex simultaneously, but it is a total mess.

Let me explain. The end of the game essentially comes down to “revenge bad”, no matter how you look at it. Sure, you can also include other aspects like, “do good deeds”, but they seem sort of tacked on, considering what happens throughout the game. Ellie goes through the entire story with vengeance for Joel being basically the only thing on her mind (or at least, at the forefront of it), and then just...doesn’t go through with it at the end.

Honestly, the game felt by that point that she HAD to go through with it, after all, how would she learn her lesson? Yet she learns her lesson, without actually getting revenge? So what was the point? Some have said that she learnt in that final fight with Abby to forgive Joel, but this makes no sense. Ellie had already started to forgive Joel before his death. Obviously, she wasn’t over it yet, but she clearly wanted to make amends with her father figure. Besides, she’s fighting Abby, after all. And she certainly didn’t forgive her.

I think a lot of people took Ellie letting Abby go as forgiveness, but in reality, it was in complete grief. There was no point in killing her anymore.

But again, THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Given every. Single. Thing Ellie went through the game, all to find and kill Abby. Losing others she loved and cared for, her family, her fingers (and her ability to play guitar which was the only thing she had left connecting her to Joel)...all of that and she just let Abby go?

It would have made so much more sense had she gone through with killing Abby, only THEN to realise it didn’t make her feel better in the long run. That she was still conflicted in her feelings for Joel. Why bother having Ellie go through every point in the game, only to have her back out at the last second and STILL lose everything? What is that saying? If you do the “right” thing, you’ll still get shit anyway? Ugh.

So speaking of Abby...I thought hey, maybe after all this time, I’ll be able to grow to like her! Yeah, nope. She is just as unlikable as always. Abby is a deuteragonist that we are meant to grow to care for, like we do Ellie. But here’s the thing; Ellie has an ENTIRE GAME beforehand PLUS a freaking DLC game that gives us so much time to love her. So you would think that the writers must think, we’ll make Abby super likeable! NOPE.

Throughout the game, Abby is stoic (which isn’t a bad thing on its own), serious, and just flat-out boring. Sorry Naughty Dog, but I don’t find a character who collects coins as her biggest personality trait interesting. She isn’t funny, or kind or particularly clever. She has her strength, and that doesn’t count as a personality. She’s also a shitty friend, and person, and gets called out for that in the game by Dr Preggers (still don’t remember her name).

Even Abby’s flashbacks do little to make me like her. Oh wow, she has a magical, amazing, super perfect animal-helping papa? And? I just can’t latch onto her character and story. Even if she were really well written and interesting, I wonder if I could have after the game presents her as a total fucking barbaric monster in the first two hours of gameplay.

No, I’m still not over Joel’s death. And despite what some people try and say, it isn’t BECAUSE he died. I went into the game fully expecting Joel to die (I was lucky enough to see no spoilers prior to playing), because I felt like that would be the next step narratively that ND would go. This was a terrible decision on ND’s behalf, but I’ll get into that later.

Joel’s death as the way it plays out, does not only Joel a great disservice- but Abby as well. If ND wanted us all to like Abby so much, they easily could have just made her show some remorse, or conflict, or even just a quick, somewhat merciful death to Joel. But instead, we get ~torture porn~, which becomes the first scene of many of these in the game. This scene is so fucking brutal and sickening, I personally cannot watch it. I have seen it ONCE, and after that I have avoided having to watch it again. And I am not a person with a weak stomach.

Instead of having a death scene worthy of Joel’s character, like having him save Ellie somehow or going out in a blaze of glory, as many have suggested...we got an incredibly beloved character being treated as merely a plot device.

Imagine if the roles were reversed, and Ellie had been killed in Part 2, not Joel. I doubt those saying they’d be cool with it really would be. Especially in such a disgusting, horrific manner.

And one of my biggest grievances with the game- the retconning. I’ve had some people argue with me, that the game doesn’t retcon anything. Those people are fooling themselves or just being wilfully ignorant. Part 2 completely contradicts facts from Part 1. Including:

- Joel didn’t completely lie to Ellie. He half lied. If Joel finds all of the recorders in the hospital, it is revealed that the fireflies DID find dozens of immune people. And killed all of them trying to make a cure...and it didn’t work. This is literal in-game proof that the fireflies never would have succeeded in their quest, had Joel let them kill Ellie.

- Part 2 would have you believe that the fireflies were doing well with their groups and their research. Part 2 shows a beautiful, modern-day looking hospital. But the fact is, as shown in Part 1, the fireflies were on their last legs, and killing Ellie to try and find a cure was their last-ditch attempt to find meaning in their cause. It never was going to work. The hospital is shown to be filthy, and barely up to scratch by all standards. The fireflies were struggling, despite what part 2 tells us.

- The character design changes. We have all seen the comparison pictures of the doctor in part 1 vs part 2. They tried to make Jerry (?) look so wholesome and kind, begging for humanities sake. That isn’t how it went down, and he isn’t the same person. They just wanted Joel to look like a total villain.

I also want to mention what a disservice the marketing was to this game. I know Naughty Dog is very anti-spoiler, for obvious reasons, but they went above and beyond hiding spoilers that they straight up falsely advertised the game. And no, I will not forgive them for that.

The game completely undoes what made the first game special. It was a story about two people, struggling to survive, and somehow through it all, finding a familial love and trust within each other, and fighting to keep it, no matter what.

Ellie and Joel ARE The Last of Us, and Part 2 literally kills of half of what made the first game so incredibly special. As soon as Joel was killed, I wondered how the game would remedy those moments, and aside from the few Joel flashbacks, there really isn’t anything comparable to these scenes. Ellie is alone, so she doesn’t get to develop, or show her personality. And even when she is partnered up for short periods of time, she is too miserable (for good reason), to be the joking, lovable character we knew from the first game.

Final thoughts...

All in all, I would say my opinions have stayed pretty much the same for Part 2. I will forever love Part 1 (played it not long ago for the millionth time), and it is always going to be special to me.

But part 2, as it is, is nonredeemable to me. It really could have been something truly special, like part 1, but I guess that’s just what made The Last of Us so special.

[soukokuwu]

NAKAHARA CHUUYA

TO CATCH A DREAM

》 fluff, for a change

》 word count: 2.3k

》 one of the prompts my sweet anon sent me, hope this isn’t too disappointing! (i’m also going to work on your other suggestions)

》 also, to the other anons— yes I’ll work on the Fyodor and Gogol requests too

“it takes you by surprise”

It had been, what, three years since you’ve left the Port Mafia? Why was it still causing an emptiness within you? Yes, it had been your home since you could remember, you practically grew up in the mafia. But Mori had practically sent Oda to his death. You had thought the world of Mori, admired him and his witty ways, how he managed to command the respect of such a huge organisation. But sending Oda into a suicide mission? Letting slip of the orphans under his care, using their death as a form of ‘motivation’?

That was too much. Way too much.

You weren’t close to Oda, not by a mile. You’ve only seen him interact with Dazai a few times, and other times you’ve only heard about Dazai rambling on about them drinking in Lupin. But you had heard enough about Oda to gain a certain amount of admiration for the man. He was part of the mafia, and yet you knew he could do much better.

His death led to Dazai’s departure from the Port Mafia. And yours.

The day he died, Dazai had visited you in the wee hours of the night, drunk and upset. He had told you everything. What Mori did, why he did it, what happened to Oda and what his last words were. It was the first and only time you’ve ever seen your best friend so distraught. You were in disbelief, but there was no denying– Mori could be that despicable.

You had packed up all your belongings and left with your best friend. It wouldn’t have been such a hard decision if there wasn’t anybody you would miss, but there was. And you couldn’t even warn him, you didn’t want to put him on the spot. If you told him you would leave, either one or two things would happen: he would help you keep it a secret or he would try to stop you. Both of it would end horribly, and you didn’t want to affect his life negatively. The Port Mafia was his home, the one place he felt that he belonged, and you didn’t want to take that away from him.

It had been three long years after you left the mafia and Yokohama. But now that you were back in the city, you felt emptier than you thought you would. As you took a seat on the ground, you peered out into the open sea. You remembered the last time you were here. With him. It was the last time you saw him before you left the mafia.

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

“Do I finally get to call you mine?”

You shook your head at the redhead, exasperated, chuckling silently as you playfully pushed him. “Do you not get tired of asking me that?”

“Oh someone is still adamant on rejecting me, huh?” he droned on dramatically. The ginger poured some wine into your glass and looked up to the sky, pondering out loud, “Why doesn’t this beautiful lady want to be Mrs. Nakahara Chuuya?”

“Oh shut up,” you groaned, cringing at how cheesy he was being.

You got to know him through Dazai, since they had become partners, and he had transitioned into a dear friend of yours. It was always endearing to watch them squabble. Like two proud people who would never admit they actually work well together.

You remembered laughing a lot that night, wishing more nights could be like that. It was filled with innocent wonderment, the light brushing of your arms against his. The two of you were much more than friends and everyone could see that, but your aversion to anything that made you happy always reared its ugly head somehow.

The way you managed to ruin everything that made you happy the moment you obtained them– you didn’t want it to happen with Chuuya. You wanted him with you, forever, even if it meant you two weren’t together.

That night was filled with drinking wine and chilling by the seaside, talking about anything and everything all at once. You remembered laughing more than you did all day, and enjoying yourself more than you thought you could.

It ended when he realised you were getting a little too inebriated. He didn’t want you to be feeling too hungover the next day, he didn’t want it to affect your work. If you wanted to get wasted he would always entertain you on the weekends.

“Okay, we’re all out of wine tonight, let’s head back.”

“But I don’t want to,” you whined. You weren’t drunk at all, just a little light-headed. But you drank enough to be shamelessly honest. The normal you would not admit you enjoy the redhead’s company, but now the words were coming out unfiltered.

“Come,” Chuuya said, holding out his hand, patiently waiting for you to accept it.

You looked at him, dubious. “Come where?”

He sighed, hands reaching down to help you up, to which you resignedly complied. “I’m taking you home.”

A wave of surprise came over him as you replied, “As long as it’s you.”

Minutes later, you were clinging onto Chuuya for dear life. This was not what you had in mind when he said he’d take you home. You were practically standing on a small piece of land flying over the city, made possible thanks to Chuuya and his gravity manipulation. Thank god you didn’t drink that much, if not you were sure you’d be puking all over the city right now.

You were too busy burying your head in the crook of his neck to notice how much Chuuya was enjoying this. He was grinning widely, surprised to find that you were afraid of heights. Your face was all scrunched up in such an adorable expression of fear, and your hair was flowing so elegantly due to the wind. He tried to ignore the feelings bubbling up inside him, well aware you would only try to bury any that you harboured for him. If this was the only kind of intimacy he could afford with you, he would take it. He would enjoy this moment, hugging you and feeling your touch in return. This was better than nothing.

The trip home was quick, and you found yourself a little disappointed after pulling yourself away from Chuuya. He ruffled your hair affectionately after noticing your disheartened reaction. Why would you keep pushing him away when it’s evident that you wanted more? He always questioned himself of that, not that he ever allowed himself to actually ask you. The last thing he wanted was for you to feel uncomfortable.

“Get some rest, okay?”

“Yes, dad,” you mocked, sticking your tongue out.

Chuuya couldn’t help himself. He laughed at how adorable you were being, ruffled your hair, and let a ‘cute’ slip out. Your eyes widened, astonished by the sudden compliment. It was funny, Chuuya had thought he would be more embarrassed, but somehow he liked this. Being able to tell you how he felt– he liked it. His grin turned into a soft smile as he gazed at you, ruffling your hair, before leaning down to place a kiss atop your head.

“Goodnight.”

◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤◢◤

Your heart beat faster as you recalled his tender kiss. It was pure, which made it all the more precious. You knew you were still in love with him, but that was something you had tried to keep buried deep within you. It was hard enough getting you to admit that to yourself while you were in the mafia, it would be even harder now that you were practically a fugitive. You managed to always give yourself an excuse, claiming that if it was supposed to be then it would happen.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be after all.

The sun was setting over the horizon. The sky was painted in mesmerising orange hues. It felt calming, tranquil. You looked at your watch. It was almost seven. Time to get going. Dazai would start drinking without you at this rate. You got up and stretched, excited about meeting your best friend after three long years apart. You had heard he found a nice job and you couldn’t wait to get to know all about this new Dazai. With a slight skip in your step, you walked off.

“Who are you so excited to see?”

You froze at the friendly voice. The voice you’ve wanted to hear ever since you left. His shadow got closer to yours, and you could smell the familiar musky scent. You were stuck rooted to the spot, uncertain of what to do.

What was the best course of action here? It wasn’t like you could outrun him. You were still a Port Mafia fugitive, and he was still a Port Mafia executive, one very doted on by Mori himself at that. What if Mori found out you were here? What if he sent Chuuya here to test his loyalty? It would result in so much trouble. As much as Chuuya used to be intimate with you, you knew his role as executive would always come first to him. There was no escape if they already found you. Should you just jump in the river and hope you drown?

“Hey, I asked you something,” the redhead muttered impatiently. Once he realised you were too deep in thought to listen, he stepped closer toward you. Why are you shivering?

Panic was still afire in your mind. It was always a bad trait of yours. You weren’t very quick at thinking on your feet. Your mind was whirling through hundreds of different scenarios, but what happened next wasn’t something you would’ve thought of.

Arms embraced you from behind. From the corner of your eye you could make out his ginger hair, and you could feel his cheek against yours. His face was tilted in toward your neck, and you could feel his shallow breathing, your ears turning beet red from the proximity. You could feel his heart beat as he gently squeezed you, seemingly not wanting to let go. You had dreamt about this reunion countless times before, and now it was finally real.

“I- I was going to meet Dazai for a drink,” you choked out, half-surprised and half-terrified.

“Don’t be like that,” his warm, velvety voice pleaded.

The warmth in his tone calmed you down enough to make you stop overthinking the situation. If he was here to kill you, he would do it. If you ran, he would catch you in the end. Any kind of resistance would be futile. Any way this situation played out, you would be at his mercy. You might as well face your old friend genuinely. So you turned around, catching sight of that familiar face of home.

“Be like what?”

“Afraid of me,” he muttered. You could almost melt at his soft puppy-like expression. It almost looked like it pained him to see you. You wanted to assure him that you weren’t— not anymore, but you couldn’t get the words out. You were too happy. Tears were forming in your eyes. You didn’t even realise you had started smiling sweetly up at him.

Chuuya finally saw the smile that had been haunting him for years, the smile that he thought he’d never get to see again, the one he could only imagine being the reason behind. Now here it was, standing in front of him, and it was more magical than he thought it would be. He felt the glee building up inside him. The lady he was in love with since he first got to know her, the one that gripped his heart the instant he caught a glimpse of her smile and heard her laugh— she was back, and very real. This was not in his head. He enveloped you in another hug, a tighter one.

“Ditch him.”

“What?”

“Screw that shitty Dazai.” The ginger tucked your hair behind your ears before cupping your face with his gloved hands. “This time, come with me.”

There was a fire in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. Right in this moment, he was determined.

“But what about the mafia?”

“Mori let you go,” Chuuya stated, much to your surprise. “He asked me what we should do the moment you and that bastard left. I told him you were just an assistant medic. You knew next to nothing about the Port Mafia’s top secrets. But I also told him that if you threatened our existence that I would be the one who would stop you. It pacified him enough.”

So that’s why nothing bad ever happened to you by their hands. Right till the end, even after you left, Chuuya still protected you. It didn’t take a genius to see how betrayed Chuuya felt after he heard you had left with his partner with not so much as even a warning. No note, no explanation. He figured out why you left, Dazai was your best friend after all and he knew Oda was someone you looked up to from afar. It didn’t ease his anger, though, because your wordless departure had left him feeling fucked up even months after. It was as though you thought he wasn’t worth any explanation. He had thought that he could never forgive you for leaving, but now that you were together again he forgot he ever got mad at you.

Slowly, Chuuya inched toward you, his face drawing closer. When there was barely any space between the two of you, he stopped to ask, “So what do you say?”

“Okay, let me-” Just as you were reaching for your phone to postpone your plans with Dazai, hands pulled you toward them, crushing their lips with yours. It was soft and loving, patient and sweet— everything you imagined and more. Your brain was screaming at you to push him away, reminding you of the endless possibilities of how this could all go wrong, why you should protect yourself from it. But this time, your heart had reign over you. You were back in Yokohama and you were here to stay. Maybe this warranted you a chance to make yourself happy, to stop pushing his affections away.

Chuuya stopped the kiss, slowly pulling himself away, eyes fondly looking into yours. His hand was still holding the back of your neck and his heart was still filled with overwhelming exhilaration at your return. “I’d love to catch up but first things first,” he said in between breaths as he continued kissing you, “are you going to stay with me this time?”

“Always.”

“That’s my girl.”

“there is no other”

[yarrowleef]

Read Darkness Within all in one sitting last night and then passed out so here are my scattered thoughts i wrote down as i read, (afterthoughts in parenthesis)

Darkness Within Spoilers, obv

UGH GOD THE SECOND HAND EMBARRESMENT FROM SQUIRREL FAKE FLIRTING WITH ASHFUR IT HURTS

Just remembered Sandynose died and got a small boost of happiness (will Hawkwing and Plumwillow ever be allowed to talk again now? I mean probly not b/c they aren’t protags and non-protags don’t rly have friends but I can hope. Sorry, Hawkwhing and Plumwillow’s short-lived friendship in Hawkwings Journey was one of the last times I felt something)

Ghost fleas lol

Mothwing: i’m rude now. (but more importantly, Fuck Tigerheartstar for forcing his son to be around the cat that hurt him so badly, like he HAS to know how upset everyone is regarding Shadowsight and his accidentally helping the imposter, and he’s making him be the sole one to tend to him??? There is NO REASON Puddleshine couldn’t have done it. You think Puddleshine is going to try and murder someone?? )

Oh no don't make this a traveling book, and a ROOTBRISTLE traveling book this is going to be insufferable

BACON AND EGGS

Lightleap Is Good (Hey didn’t Shadowsight have another sister? lets be real we all knew Pouncekit was going to end up as the forgettable 3rd one)

Bristlefrost’s crush continues to feel unnatural to me. It’s like she’s grasping at straws romanticizing the most generic things.....wow....I love how ur just so...bare minimum competent....being polite to the loner we came all this way to ask for help like any somewhat reasonable person would....How admirable...I love the way you just *clenches fist* exhibit some basic traits of loyalty and skill that literally every warrior has (I s2g I’m this close to head canon-ing Bristle as a clueless aromantic who doesn't understand what romance is actually suppose to feel like so she just looks at feelings of low-bar admiration and assumes “oh I guess this is that “romantic attraction” everyone’s always talking about? guess I must be in love???” because both her crushes have felt out of nowhere and like. Idk fake/forced sounding like she’s just telling me that that she’s In Love Now while I continue to not actually feel it at all from her end. I know it’s just that I hate the way Erin’s write female characters in love but this head-canon makes me laugh)

Got scared because I thought they were going to villainize Spotfur for not wanting kits for a minute, but also excited at the concept of maybe exploring a female character that doesn’t want to be a mother, but it turns out she was just pulling a Sparkpelt and actually DID want the kits all along and was only hesitant because she’s sad. Shrug oh well.  (the only female character in warriors that was distinctly upset about pregnancy and motherhood was Lizardstripe and as we all know she was eeeeeevil and abusive and “overly ambitious” because why else would you not come around to being happy about motherhood?? YES I’M STILL SALTY ABOUT YELLOWFANG’S SECRET, BAD BOOK)  Whatever it’s fine so long as Spot doesn’t lose her rebel leader spirit forever and default to “soft mom” personality for the rest of her life, I gotta have hope because I actually like Bristle and Spot’s current relationship. Also I am actually very grateful they never made Bristle resentful at Spot for getting with her crush, as lots of middle grade/YA media has a very bad habit of demonizing female romantic “competition” and its super gross, so I rly do like that Bristlefrost is so protective and caring towards her instead. )

This series is trying to tell me that Rootspring is actually Big but I refuse to accept that. he has dumb scrawny bitch energy and we all know it

Sunrise: “Thunderclan may be better with a new leader” lol go off (i mean........they right tho...It’s unfortunate that the tension in this whole plot is a bit dampened by the fact that i DO in fact want bramble to die v badly. I don’t even have special hatred for him, I’m just bored of him.)

Yes Lionblaze beat the shit out of Ashfur

*HOLY SHIT THAT’S FUCKED!!!! (I wrote this in reference to the ghost summoning scene, this was all I could manage at the time, that scene was WILD and I am VIBING WITH THE HORROR OF IT ALL)

* Brashfur: Oh yeah? Could Ashfur fake THIS? *stands up with slightly better posture* Shadowsight: oh damn you got me there...... (asdfhhfhhgh im sorry that was really funny, how did that prove anything?? ONLY A ~REAL~ WARRIOR COULD STAND UP STRAIGHT WE ALL KNOW ASHFUR IS INCAPABLE OF GOOD POSTURE!)

End of the book: *LAUGHING NERVOUSLY* WHAT THE FUCK??? (I thought he was just gonna kill Squirrelflight right there holy shit can you imagine the RIOTS that would ensue in the wake of all this Squirrel/Bramble discourse I was so scared for a second.  

 But it’s fine, she just....went to super hell instead......Warriors has come so far lmao WHAT IS HAPPENING

Final Notes:

*On Mothwing, I don’t think her behavior struck me as “CHARACTER BUTCHERING” as much as it did for other people? I mean.....Warriors fans will say that literally any time a character does ANYTHING less then perfectly nice I think her actions just seemed that much harsher because we are reading from Shadowsight’s POV, and Shadowsight is taking everything 10x more personally right now (understandably so, but Mothwing isn’t inside his head) she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Also... like... Shadowsight DID get his name too early. It’s not Mothwing’s job to put his feelings above everything else, she’s not even his mentor, Puddleshine on the other hand, as his main mentor, I don’t understand what his deal is ignoring Shadowsight, that’s not how you help an apprentice but I suppose I chalk many of his mistakes up to also not being the most experienced medicine cat (he barely even had his own mentor.) Maybe he’s distant because he feels guilty and actually blames himself for not guiding Shadowsight better?? the two of them haven’t communicated about it yet so idk

 any way I give Mothwing a pass to be a little short tempered right now as a cat who has had her abilities periodically questioned all her life no matter how hard she works or how much experience she has, just because she doesn’t vibe with the spiritual cult side of the clans, I can understand why she’s a bit defensive of being questioned and frustrated watching so much hurt happen Yet Again due to reliance on StarClan visions over common sense, and I for one still stan her for slandering StarClan and refusing to accept Mistystar’s bullshit banishing like everyone else. Sometimes a character is at the end of their rope and can’t manage to be 100% nice 24/7 and that’s maybe not inherently bad writing? idk just my hot take. At a certain point we all gotta reckon with the fact that our perception of most popular supporting characters in heavily colored by fanon and we can’t always get mad at the authors for not adhering to it

*The sisters magic shit is my fav worldbuilding warriors has had in AGES, I love the way it’s described and it actually feels like it adds something to this world. I love this horror imagery with the ghosts, very excited for that. 

*still won’t be thrilled if Ashfur is working alone, because his motive doesn’t make sense right now. I mean the trying to get Squilf thing, sure, whatever, but the “I will make everyone pay for what they did to me”???? cause like?? Who??? they didn’t do anything to him?? Ashfur’s grievance was very specifically JUST Squilf. He has no other cause for revenge, he had no other beef or complaints about the clans to my knowledge? The cat that killed him is dead, and she’s like, the only other one that I could see as having “wronged” him?? I guess he also didn’t like Firestar much according to Graystripe’s Vow (and on account of how willing he was to kill him w/ Hawkfrost) but Firestar is ALSO dead. I don’t understand his angle. Will have to see last 2 books to judge i suppose.

*All in all I am interested to see where this is going!! but also the pacing as I feared is becoming a major issue. It’s better then ending the main conflict on book 3 like Vision of Shadows did, but omg. Hardly anything happened in all these pages. I realized I was over half way through and nothing about the situation had actually CHANGED or advanced at all in all that time. Similar to the past 2 books which I believe could have been combined, this plot felt like it should have been the first half of a book. Discussing whether or not to kill the imposter isn’t much of a standalone plot, it’s just the set up to a plot. Finding the sisters didn’t need to be a whole long thing, the debates about the Imposters fate didn’t need to be repeated 10 times, all those chapters illustrating that “Shadowsight is sad” were also drawn out, repetitive, and interchangeable, we probably only needed 2 or so chapters showing his struggles to get the necessary information across. It felt like a lot of padding, it was really slow and I did a lot of skimming. I am still very interested in the overarching plot and mystery behind the ghosts so that kept me reading but man this “will they won’t they kill him” plot did not justify it’s own whole book. Alas this is a persisting issue that will never be resolved while they continue to force 6 books into 1 series that doesn’t need 6 books. I’m sure the writers are doing the best they can with these unfortunate constraints but still, it’s a wonder this slow padding isn’t more of a detriment to their younger readers that the books are supposed to be marketed to.

[soupyboysforlife]

Oh F*ck

Hi guys! This is my first time writing fanfic so it may not be perfect or exactly how I wanted it to turn out but I’m very proud of it and myself. I really hope you enjoy!

Once again the whole world was in danger. Once again no one knew but the Winchesters and some close friends. Once again all of the pressure was on Sam and Dean Winchester to fix it.

(Please don’t be upset at this, I’m only on season 11)

Dean sighed. This whole “End Of The World” was starting to seem normal as it became a routine. When was the final shabang? He knew he wasn’t able to escape this life, not properly at least. There would always be another hunt up until the day he died. One boss fight after another like a bad, never ending video game. 

He finished getting ready, Sam was already waiting in the car. Dean did one final mirror check, quickly fixing an out of place strand of hair. He grabbed his duffle bag with a grunt and strut out of the motel room, locking it behind him. 

Dean walked up to the Impala’s trunk and threw the black duffle in before getting in. Sam looked up from the book he had his nose in. 

“Took you long enough, Princess,” he said.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Dean grunted, he started the car, turned on his tunes,drove off. The clock read 7:30. 

It’s too fucking early, Dean thought. 

Sam and Dean stopped at a Diner for breakfast. They sat down at a table and waited for the waitress to come ask them what they wanted. The two looked at eachother, noting the shared exhaustion. Maybe they wouldn’t be as tired if they hadn’t stayed up until 4 in the morning doing research.

Dean balled his fists on the table and placed his head on them briefly before the waitress came over to their table.

She was blonde, tall, skinny and beautiful, couldn’t have been more than 25. Just Dean’s type. Dean was obviously checking her out and was about to make a move before he saw the scowl on Sam’s face. His smile faded into an uncomfortable smirk.

The waitress made it to the table, looking just as done with life as the boys sitting in front of her and asked with just a hint of annoyance what they wanted.

“I’ll have a bacon cheese burger, extra onions, extra cheese and bacon, with fries on the side and a coffee, black” Dean said(of course). She jotted it down and turned her head to Sam.

“Uh, egg white Omelette with coffee, please.” He responded with a respective grin. He was always too formal when ordering food, Dean thought.

The waitress left to relay their orders to the chef. 

Dean finally looked around the Diner, they were the only ones in there with the exception of a lonely old man sitting at the high rise counter, staring at our waitress’ ass. Dean nudged Sam’s arm to draw his attention to it, trying hard to stuffle his laugh. 

Sam looked and immediately looked back at Dean with an annoyed face. 

“What?” Dean asked, still grinning with amusement. Sam’s expression remained unwavering, “C’mon. That’s funny.”

Sam remained unamused. “We have to work” he buried his face back in the book and kept it there, even when the waitress sauntered over carrying a tray with their food and coffee, which was unusual for a diner but it was early. Dean eagerly tore into his burger and wondered what the day would bring. They were planning to meet up with Castiel back at the bunker. They were only in town for a case involving some odd hybrid between a vampire and changeling. It was weird, but so were monsters. 

Dean thoughts wandered back to their blue eyed angel friend as he took a long swig of his black coffee. He felt a small smile spread over his face as he pictured the confused look on the scruffy face when some human trait or tradition didn’t make sense to him. He pictured softly kissing the plump pink lips, running his fingers through his beautiful black hair, questioning the chances of being able to cuddle up next to him as they binged Orange Is The New Black(Dean would have to explain to him the meaning of the title). Before he met the beautiful angel Dean was certain about his sexuality, he had forced down any thoughts or feelings about other boys in any other way than platonic. He still felt slightly uncomfortable thinking of Castiel in that way. Dean wasn’t entirely sure if it was internalized homophobia or the fact that he didn’t know if Cas felt the same way as him. His smile faded to a slight frown at the thought of rejection. 

“Dean.” Sam said, jerking Dean out of his trance, “Earth to Dean, please respond.” Sam continued sarcastically, getting an annoyed look out of Dean. “What were you thinking about?” 

Dean felt his cheeks start to heat up, “Uh, nothing. What’s up?”

Sam obviously didn’t believe him but didn’t pry, filling Dean with relief.

“I might have found a way to defeat her.” Sam offered the book to Dean, who had just taken another big bite of cheeseburger, causing Sam to retract his offer and instead read it out loud to him, “it says here we need something called the “Arrow of Brahma”, I haven’t been able to find a location but we can run things over with Cas back at the bunker.”

There it was again, that name. That one syllable that could bring a smile to his face or take it away.

They finished their breakfast, paid, and got back on the road. 

…

Dean was the first inside and once he got in he immediately headed towards his room to get some shut eye. His plans were foiled by Sam grabbing the back of his loose t-shirt and dragging him to the Study where Cas was waiting. Dean sighed in annoyance and exhaustion. “Come on, man.” he said with exasperation. 

“Stay. I’m gonna go see if we have any books on the Arrow.” Sam said, nudging Dean towards the brightly lit table in the center of the room where Cas was sitting. 

Dean made eye contact with Cas as he approached the table, sitting across from him. He put his head on the table, giving into his body’s plea for relaxation. He almost fell asleep like that but couldn’t for some reason. He lifted his head enough to see Cas staring at him with a slightly confused and concerned look on his face.

“What?” Dean asked, feeling his jaw hit the table with the word.

“You seem, tense,” Cas replied in his usual monotone voice, “I could fix it?” he offered, starting to reach out to Dean.

“Nah,” Dean said, he didn’t think he could handle feeling the angel’s soft fingers touching him, especially with the massive hangover he was suffering through.

Cas pulled his hand back, looking slightly hurt. Dean felt an apology rising in his throat, it was interrupted by Sam walking back into the room with a small stack of different sized books in his hands. He put three in two in front of each of them.

“What exactly are we looking for?” Cas asked.

“Where the arrow of Bra-man or something is.” Dean said, still unmoving from the position he was in.

“Brahma,” Sam corrected, shooting Dean a sour look, “it should be able to stop Aella.”

Dean rolled his eyes at his goody two shoes brother before sighing and lifting his head up to scan through the novels. 

They read through all the books in the library with no luck on finding its location. At that point Dean was almost completely knocked out. He heard Cas say something about using his angelic powers to look for it but Dean was too tired to register what his actual words were. He checked the time on his phone, it was almost two in the morning which didn’t seem too late but Dean had only gotten a few hours of beauty sleep the night before. He stood and mumbled something about hay to Sam before finding his way to his room. The second his head hit the pillows he was out, not even bothering to change out of his sweaty clothes. That night he dreamed happily about guns and a certain pair of blue eyes. 

It didn’t last long before he was getting shaken awake by a familiar pair of hands.

“Ugh,” Dean moaned sleepily, “What time is it?” 

“Dude, is three in the afternoon,” Sam said, chuckling slightly, “I thought you were dead.”

Dean sat up wondering if he looked as dead as he felt, “Who says I’m not.” he joked back.

“Cas is back with the arrow.” 

“Sweet. Do we have a plan of attack?” Dean questioned, not sure of what answer he wanted.

“No, we were waiting for you to wake up.” Sam said, with a note of sarcasm. 

“Really? Wow, I’m flattered.” Dean replied, squinting up at him with a half smile on his face and yawned.

“Don’t be,” Sam said, “I said we shouldn’t wait but Cas insisted.”

That caught Deans attention, “Oh?” his voice hitched a little.

“Yeah, I guess he thought you’d be awake sooner.” Sam smiled, “get changed and meet us in the kitchen, you reek.”

Dean scrambled up as soon as Sam had left the room, his face felt hot at the thought of Cas thinking about him. He quickly got changed and attempted to cover up his scent with some cheap cologne and deodorant before heading to the kitchen. When he got there Sam was sitting at the table with his laptop, clicking away at the keys. He made eye contact with Cas who was leaning on the counter with his usual serious face. Dean quickly looked him up and down with a smile. Cas shot back a cute confused look.  

Dean moved over to Cas, getting uncomfortably close, before he reached around him and poured himself a cup of coffee. Cas looked slightly panicked at the act but calmed down once Dean sat at the table. 

“Got any leads, Sammy?” Dean asked.

“Nothing on Aella but I might have found another case.” Sam responded, not looking up from the screen, “a werewolf in Massachusetts, three dead, two missing. Sounds interesting, wanna check it out.”

“Oh, come on man,” Dean answered in exasperation, “we just got off a case.”

“You don’t have to-”

“No.” Dean interrupted, “I’ll go. Just let me get a shower in.”

Dean walked into his room after showering in his usual Jeans, flannel, and gray shirt. He was rubbing his damp hair with a towel. Cas was standing by his desk. He was inspecting something in his hand that Dean couldn’t see what though. 

“Jesus, Cas.” he said, with a slight tone of annoyance. 

Cas whipped around, surprised at the sudden words. He quickly hid the paper he was holding behind his back.

“What the Hell are you doing here, man?” Dean asked, glancing towards the angel’s arms. 

“I-uh…” Cas stuttered, reaching for an excuse but not being able to grasp one.

Dean moved one step closer to him, “What’s that you got there?” he said gesturing to Cas’s arms while moving closer. 

“It’s nothing,” Cas responded nervously, “just something about the case.”

At this point Dean was close enough to Castiel that a slight movement of his hand could have him touching the angel’s arm. Cas was backed up against the desk, his back was leaned back towards the desk. His blue eyes were wide with a mixture of confusion and panic. 

Dean reached behind Cas and grabbed the note, not breaking eye contact. He slowly unfolded the note. 

“Dean…” Cas said, a hint of warning in his voice.

Dean looked down and read the note. It was a Good-bye note. From Cas. Dean felt a sudden rush of emotions. 

“Cas?” he said, voice breaking slightly, “Cas, what is this?”

“It’s- I-” Cas started to say. He never finished the thought.

Dean closed the distance between the two, pressing his lips to Castiel’s. Cas gasped at the unexpected action. Dean had pictured this moment a thousand times but never thought it would be like this. Cas didn’t return the gesture. Dean stopped and pulled back, cheeks flushed, looking embarrassed. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, backing up to sit on his bed with his hands in his face. Cas remained leaned against the desk. His face was frozen in shock, slowly processing what had just happened before slowly walking over to stand above Dean. He squatted down in front of him. Cas felt his mind and heart racing. He reached up and gently tugged Dean’s hands away. 

Dean’s face was already damp with tears but another betrayed him, running quickly down his cheek. Cas raised his hand to Dean’s face. His palm pressed against Dean’s cheek as he wiped some of the moisture from under the closed eye. Cas lifted his head and let his lips meet Dean’s once again. Dean melted into the kiss. 

It started soft with their lips barely on eachother. Dean grabbed Cas’s face to keep him close as he pressed further into the kiss. Cas moved his hand from Dean’s cheek up to his still wet hair. It felt cool as it slid through his fingers but it quickly warmed at his touch. 

Their lips separated after a little while. They pressed their foreheads together, not ready to stop touching but too overwhelmed with emotion to continue the kiss. What little space there was left between them filled with their heavy breath. 

Cas moved his hand around Dean’s arm and trailed it around his torso to lock with the other one, pulling Dean into a hug. Dean sank down to the ground on his knees. They slumped into each other. Dean breathed in Castiel’s smell. 

They sat there for seemingly hours, relishing in what had just happened. Fear that they might wake up and find it was a dream settling in their hearts. 

Fin

[addictedtoeddie]

The full Esquire Spain interview translated from Spanish:  

Eddie Redmayne trial: guilty of being the most talented (and stylish) actor of his generation

The Oscar winner talks about what it means to premiere a film with Aaron Sorkin (The Chicago 7th Trial on Netflix) and filming the new part of the most famous saga of all time under the watchful eye of its author, J.K. Rowling.

By Alba Díaz (text) / JUANKR (photos and video) / Álvaro de Juan (styling) 10/23/2020  

At the Kettle’s Yard Gallery in Cambridge, stands alone and leaning on a piano Prometheus, a marble head made by Constantin Brâncusi, and the only piece of art that Eddie Redmayne (London, 1982) would save from possible massive destruction. He tells me about it as he leaves the filming set of the third installment of Fantastic Beasts in the early days of an autumn that, we suspect, we will never forget. It begins to get dark as the actor nods seriously: "I promise to do my best in this interview."

Eddie Redmayne made himself in the theater despite some voices warning him that he could not survive in it. "Many people were in charge to tell me that it would never work, that only extraordinary cases make it and that I would not be able to live from this professionally." Even his father came home one day with a list of statistics on unemployed young actors. Redmayne, who is extremely modest, polite and funny, adds: “But I enjoyed theater so much that I got to the point of thinking that if I could only do one play a year for the rest of my life… I would do it. And that would fill me completely.

Spoiler: since then until today he has participated in many more. He set his first foot in the industry when he debuted at the Shakespeare’s Globe Theater and won over critics and audiences. He then landed his first major role in My Week with Marilyn opposite Michelle Williams. And then came one of the roles of his life, the character he wanted to become an actor for, Marius. With him he sang, led a revolution and broke Cosette's heart in Les Miserables. “I found out about the Les Misérables auditions when I was shooting a movie in Illinois. Dressed like a cowboy. I picked up the iPhone and videotaped myself singing the Marius song. I always wanted to be him ”.

Now Redmayne is an Oscar winner - thanks to his portrayal of Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything - and the protagonist of one of the most important sagas in history, Fantastic Beasts. He plays the magizoologist Newt Scamander in it. When I ask him what it means to him to be the protagonist of a magical world that is so important to millions of people, Eddie sighs and takes a few seconds to answer. “I have always loved the Harry Potter universe. Some people like The Lord of the Rings or Star Wars ... But, for me, the idea that there is a magical world that happens right in front of you, that happens without going any further on the streets of London, that. .. That exploded my imagination in another way.

During the quarantine, J. K. Rowling, who has been in charge of the script of the film, sparked a controversy through a series of tweets about transgender women. Redmayne assures that he does not agree with these statements but that it does not approve of the attacks of some people through social networks. The actor was one of the first to position himself against Rowling alongside Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and other protagonists of her films. "Trans women are women, trans men are men, and non-binary identities are valid."

After having spent a while talking, Redmayne confesses to me that he has never been a big dreamer not to maintain certain aspirations that ended up disappointing him. So he has always kept a handful of dreams to himself. One of them was fulfilled just a few weeks ago with the premiere of The Trial of the Chicago 7, a film written and directed by Aaron Sorkin that can already be seen on Netflix and in some - few - cinemas. “I was on vacation with my wife in Morocco and the script arrived. I think I called my agent before I even read it and said yes, I would. She probably thought the obvious, that I'm stupid. After that, of course I read the script, which is about a specific moment in history that I knew very little about. I found it exciting and a very relevant drama in today's times. "

And it is that having a script by Aaron Sorkin in your hands is no small thing. Eddie Redmayne has been a fan of his work ever since he saw The West Wing of the White House. “His scripts have delicious language and dialogue. As an actor, it's fun to play characters that are much smarter than you are in real life. That virtuosity is hard to come by. I really hope that audiences enjoy this movie and feel that there is always hope. " He remembers that since he released The Theory of Everything he has recorded, to a large extent, English period dramas, “and although the new Aaron Sorkin is not strictly contemporary,” says Redmayne, “to be able to wear jeans and shirts and sweaters instead of so much tweed is great ”.

Besides acting, art was the only thing the actor was interested in, so he ended up studying Art History at Cambridge University. “My parents are quite traditional and when I told them I wanted to act they gave me free rein but on the condition that I study a career. And I'm very grateful for that because ... Look, beyond that, when I play a real character I usually go to the National Portrait Gallery in London quite often. There I lock myself up. Now, for Sorkin's film, I went through a lot of photographs and videotapes. Art helps me to be more creative, to get into paper ”. If he were not an actor, he would be, he says decidedly, a historian or perhaps a curator. "Although I think he would be a very bad art curator."

Against all logic, Eddie Redmayne is color blind. But there is a color that you can distinguish anywhere and on any surface: klein blue. He wrote his thesis on the French artist Yves Klein and the only shade of blue he used in his works. He wrote up to 30,000 words talking about that color with which he became obsessed. “It is surprising that a color can be so emotional. One can only hope to achieve that intensity in acting. "

Like his taste for art, which encompasses the refined and compact, Redmayne seems to be in the same balance when it comes to the roles he chooses. When I ask him what aspects a character he wants to play should have, he takes a few seconds again before answering: “I wish I had a more ingenious answer but I will tell you that I know when my belly hurts. It's that feeling that I trust. In my mind I transport him to imagine myself playing that character. When I read a script I have to really enjoy it. You never fully regret those instincts. It's like when you connect with something emotionally. "

So we come to the conclusion that all his characters have some traits in common. "You know what? I never look back, and this is something personal, but I do believe that there is a parallel between Marius in Les Misérables trying to be a revolutionary, someone who is quite prone to being distracted by love but at the same time is willing to die for his cause, and Tom Hayden from The Chicago Trial of the 7 who was a man who had integrity and was passionate and fought for the things he believed in. So I suppose there may also be similarities between a young Stephen Hawking and Newt Scamander. There are traits in common in all of them that I don't really know where they come from ”.

When we talk about the year we are living in, in which it is increasingly difficult to find hope, we both let out a nervous laugh. "There must be," Redmayne says. “There is something very nice that Tom Hayden, the character I play in Sorkin's film, said to his former wife, actress Jane Fonda, just the day before she passed away. He told her that watching people die for their beliefs changed his life forever. In that sense, I also think about what Kennedy Jr. wrote about how democracy is messy, tough and never easy ... As is believing in something to fight for. I look at history and how they were willing to live their lives with that integrity to change the world and I realize that somehow that spirit still remains with us. " We fell silent thinking about it. "There must be hope."

I tell him about my love for Nick Cave's blog, The Red Hand, and one of the posts that I have liked the most in recent weeks. In it, the singer affirms that his response to a crisis has always been to create, an impulse that has saved him many times. For Redmayne there are two activities that can silence noise: drawing and playing the piano. “When you play the piano your concentration is so consumed by trying to hit that note that you can't think of anything else. Similarly, when you draw something, the focus is between the paper and what you are trying to recreate ... There I try to calm my mind.

Before saying goodbye, I drop a question that I thought I knew the answer to, but failed. What work of art would you save from mass destruction? "How difficult! I could name my favorite artists but still couldn't choose a work. Only one piece? Let me think. I am very obsessed with Yves Klein, but I would stick with a work by Brancusi. There is a sculpture of him, a small head called Prometheus, in Cambridge's Kettle’s Yard, on a dark mahogany piano. The truth is that I find it very ... beautiful ”.

Before leaving, he confesses to me - with a childish and slow voice - that he would like to direct something one day. We said goodbye, saying that we will talk about his next project. Next, the first thing I do is open the Google search engine. "P-r-o-m-e-t-h-e-u-s". Although Eddie Redmayne has trouble distinguishing violet from blue, he doesn't have them when choosing a good piece. He's right, that work deserves to be saved.

* This article appears in the November 2020 issue of Esquire magazine

Source: esquire.com/es/actualidad/cine/a34434114/eddie-redmayne-juicio-7-chicago-netflix-entrevista/

[6blackfilin9]

Just decided to show that I'm still alive over here

So guess it's LongShitpost Time

A very long post about The Batman's (2004) Penguin

And well, I've been thinking about making it for about a year, so.. here we are, watching me behaving like an easily surprised kid babbling about Oswald and how much I admire him and why

Actually nothin' important or highly moral here. If you still wanna read then just forget it's talk about a character from a kids show, I take this sh🐧t seriously and barely speak English

I like to take a lot of screenshots but can't use here all of them uuUUuUuuUUUUUGH

It's all about the 1st episode of 2nd season of The Batman (mostly, I also mention other my two fav episodes with Oswald)

I like it so much cuz this all just starts with "cat-mouse play" kind of cooperation which leads to "well guess you two will be chillin' in jail in pure mammalian harmony" and ends up with "oh no no no, this is your thievish girl, so you take her back"

"— You two pointy-ears make such a cute couple: his and hers."

"— Hm, made for each other."

I just crack up at this plot line so much

But well, being more serious, this episode unveils some of Oswald's personality traits quite vividly.

Going back to the first episode when he appeared, from the first sight it looked like the most of the time he acts like a mindlessly arrogant jerk who has no clue about what he’s doing, as most of kid-show villains, and tends to lose his temper fast , but if you look closer you’ll see that huge amount of his conduct lines are just a part of the games he plays

Like, he came to the Bruce's party just to take the damn list of guests, that’s the goal

But because of his behavior in public's eyes he wasn't the "strange quiet guy who's been looking around for all the time, than took the list of rich guests from butler and than left while there are robberies of rich people occurring in the city". He was "arrogant snobbish freak who thinks he's some sort of royalty (despite his family lost its place at the top of Gotham's society) so he acts around them as if they were peasants", so, for everyone it looks like the only thing he came for was attention, plus, influenced by negative emotions, people didn't notice such a potty movements as putting some paper in his jacket. I mean none even managed to notice that he stole the motherf🐧cking tray

(Well, for sure Oswald's quite snobbish about his family and it's "blue blood", can’t deny that, though he doesn’t behave that defiantly all the time and the only time when he completely loses it, cracks and explodes about this was when he became enraged hearing Alfred's words whom he took hostage in Bruce's house. That was a very bad day for him)

And come on, Oswald had patience and intelligence to figure out how to teach different predatory birds like ravens and owls, who actually tend to be wayward and even agressive time to time, to steal damn stuff from houses and how to make those f🐧cking badass high-tech umbrellas himself

So, cool man

If that episode showed his enormous arrogance, devotion to his family, resourcefulness, intelligence and hidden potential, this one shows how cunning, selfish, cold, ruthless and at some point insightful he can be

Back to the episode, it literally opens with the start of the strategy competition between Oswald and Selina

First they meet they start with a direct verbal flight for the Cat statue, which Oswald wins. So Selina, willing to get what she wants, desides to get down on a more manipulative subtle level playing love interest

So, of course Oswald gets stunned at first, I guess not every girl treats him this way every day, but he effectively uses this state to figure out his following plan and actions, and immediately starts behaving as a school boy in love.

So the man literally changed his tactics in a couple of seconds and figured out the new plan with the new “puppet” involved. Selina didn’t even notice anything thinking that she managed to hook him up easily so she now can manipulate him as she wants.

(guess Bruce was right, these two are worth each other: both prideful as heck)

So later their game enters the new fervent phase: they both play love interest in front of each other, and Oswald nailes his role just perfectly, making Selina even more convinced of his naivety so she reduces her alertness completely.

But guess he enjoyed this at some point. Like, Selina is a charming beautiful woman able to maintain a pleasant conversation with couple of dry sarcastic notes, so, I think this shade of sincerity helped him to play his part

And well, for quite huge amount of time Oswald makes that devil face with crooked grin which makes him look like a f🐧cking Satan, or just beings grumpy hardened journalist who had seen some shit which makes him look like he's about to have a severe breakdown, but here as he is around Selina in the first part of the episode he's completely calm like a damn fat cat, serious, focused and straight-faced, that's just gorgeous

He cracks up a bit ahead of time just once, when she manages to get the Bird statue

But as it goes to the showdown he doesn’t show even a hint of genuine sympathy or regret, he’s just like “well get reked Selina” and takes English leave

Well, I know it’s a kids show, Bruce saves the day and stuff, but Oz did literally put the bomb in the f🐧cking handcuffs so in case one of the two tries to put them off before the police arrive they actually f🐧cking die. I mean, that's kinda rough. But at the other hand it’s quite nobly but shortsighted of him to leave his enemies alive having a chance to interfere him later

And well, maybe Oswald isn’t good at etiquette, but he have never beaten Selina or any other lady if it came to close fight, while Batman did. Ozzie is a gentleman, shame on ya Bruce

And just to be said, the motherf🐧ucker didn’t even blink when the f🐧king half of his god damn umbrella was cut off right in front of his f🐧cking face. And oh my god, how f🐧cking firm Oswald's grip is that the hella heavy umbrella all made of f🐧cking metal didn't even swayed from the impact in the most stout place. Badass.

And just for a second, Oswald managed to dig to the bottom of that legend about the Bird and Cat statues and started putting the plan into action only after he had found all the necessary information about it (which he had to translate himself from ancient Egyptian), so that the first time he used it, it didn't turn out that he missed something and summoned some ancient shit so now the whole world is in danger (as it happens with villains in movies sometimes).

(The saddest part is that the only single thing that prevented the shit from happening was immense amount of luck. mean Bruce has all kinds of gadgets for literally any situation and knows literally everything just in case. Like, it was very useful of Bruce to study ancient Egyptian just in case someone decides to use egyptian artifacts for evil stuff. And they were so f🐧king lucky the the birds weren’t hungry and didn’t try to peck their faces off while they were climbing the god damn lighthouse which is already hella dangerous even without the maniac birds trying to knock you down)

Well, what do we have so far

Even if Oswald does have some temper issues, he's capable of making some keen psychological tricks, making strategies and keep his head above water, the only thing that actually hampers him is his own pride (like in the episode with Team Penguin. He does have some leadership qualities but he turns from leader into boss quite quickly thinking of himself only)

And, importantly, he is being at some level realistic and objective realizing that none actually takes him seriously.

He understands that for most of the people he’s just a deformed and depraved man with a funny voice, who’s also a descendant of the aristocratic family which ran out of money and lost former authority.

And he uses it for his own good. He couldn't if he didn't, otherwise he'd choose way less twisted ways of behavior

He knew what would the people at the party see in him, so he could predict what behavior would cause the result he needed.

He understood Selina wouldn’t take him as a serious opponent, seeing him as a lonely slow-witted man or whatever, being sure that she can hook him as any other in such an unpretentious way she thought she would be able to make him do all the work instead of her. His awareness made her plans all exposed and clear

But all this negligence combined with his pride does hurt him though, no doubt. There’s a whole episode about it, when he occupied Bruce’s house.

He has his own reasons to envy and hate Bruce, by the way. They both are from rich families, both intelligent, strong and talented, but Bruce is more young and handsome, plus, his family business remained successful. At this point he is much more luckier than Oswald

I mean even if it gets to falling Bruse safely falls on tent and Oswald falls on the dirty ground through hell, fire and high boiling water (I don't give a shit that it had been made for the comedy matters)

Basically, the only thing Oswald is doing is trying to restore not only the family’s honor, but also his own with help of money and growth of his authority. Maybe even to show others and himself that he’s something more than just a garbage. That he's something more than he seems to be at the first sight

But as far as I can see Oswald has never been that type of poor kid with low self esteem crying in a shower with the lights off and who then starts to hide behind the wall of arrogance as he grows up. I mean right in this episode he says that his mother had always told him that he was a handsome one, so I think his parents loved him, maybe even spoiled at some point, and gave him confidence and warmth he needed.

Though well, to be fair, children are cruel, and of course they would react to the child who lookes like a victim of a crazy geneticist's experiment in a very specific way. Some would avoid him no matter what it takes, for sure some would get used to him and communicate normally, but some would mock and bully him severely. So of course he would start to protect himself

But sadly he went in wrong direction, since his confidence became arrogance and his ways became much more twisted and radical

Even as an adult he’ve chosen a really slippery slope, though. He could've chosen a different path, but (as I guess) he couldn't overcome his sense of injustice and his resentment towards people around him, who actually neglected and loathed him. So he just sank in his negative experience and sharpened himself as the lone survivalist, which made him egotistical to the point when he doesn't care about the others and can actually stumble in some situations, being sure he can't be wrong

His actions can't be justified, but they can be explained. Oswald is really very understandable character

So

There is actually no moral of the post

Just me coming to conclusion that The Batman's Oswald appears to be quite deep in the first seasons

Yes, I just wasted about 5 minutes of your life, and you can't take those back

But I can leave you with a question besides frustration

Why in the bloody hell are they holding each other?!

I mean come on

Few hours ago they revealed mutual betrayal, he almost killed her, dropped her on the froor so she couldn't run away with the thing he needed, and now they hold each other flying away on a jet-umbrella

And don’t f🐧cking tell me they do this because of the fear that if one of them falls the other will too

No f🐧cking way

Just imagine flying on the f🐧cking jet-umbrella, you will cling to it so tightly that one day you will take it into your grave with yourself because you will not be able to unclench your f🐧cking fingers after a single flight, but instead of holding the motherf🐧cking umbrella they hold each other

So is it a weird joke or a very thick hint?

Who knows

[shibalen]

💥hewwo can I pwease get a romantic male matchup for bnha (darkbox bc I live for angst) (music box) when you have the time uwu

Levi he/him gay entp supposedly (also if it's not too much to ask please no characters under the age of 18 please)

I've been described as having a strong and loud personality, I'm extroverted and outspoken. I'm pretty eccentric too.

I value friendship, kindness and standing up for others.

Goal wise I'm pretty aimless. I dont have any goals, if I die well I guess that's it babey. In the meantime I'm just here to help animals and people who need it.

Positive traits: I always stick up for people in need, I'm good at reading people, I'm good with animals, I love to make people smile and laugh, cheerful, good at talking my way out of bad situations, uhm. Friendly!

Negative traits would be: hot headed, loud, stubborn, arrogant, comes across as intimidating:( good at getting into bad situations, gets into fights very often. Can be spiteful, I've been described as a pyromaniac so theres that. Can be sadistic

What pisses me off: my father. I can and will cause trouble for that man for as long as I live. And people who pick on the weak.

My hobbies and interests areeee: true crime babey! Crying over video games, baking, the occult, taking naps, dream interpretations and tarot readings

Likes: animals, cats specifically, stars, fire, sunsets, supposedly haunted places, storms, being dramatic for the hell of it, tormenting people in a good hearted way

Dislikes: uhhhh hot weather I guess.

Quirks: uh I have 5 cats! Ones my fathers but he never takes care of his cat so i pretty much count him as my own (plus he likes me more than my dad and it pisses my dad off hehe) I have weirdly accurate intuition, it makes reading people easy, knowing what they want to hear and what they dont.

Uhhh dates and relationship wise I'm honestly happy doing whatever my s/o wants to do. All I want is to see their face light up.

My love language is physical touch, I dont like touching people but if it's someone I feel strongly about youd have to pry me away from them.

I once got kicked out of a library for starting a fight in it, trashy I know but I wasnt going to stand there and do nothing while my friends were being bullied and pressured into getting involved with a really dodgy man. I scared the bullies off for good at least B) they never bothered my friend again babey

Oh I'm also known around the area I live in as someone who's good at finding homes of lost pets. Often times I come across a lost animal and befriend it in no time and use my connections to find its family.

Sorry if this was rly long and thank you for your time!! I hope you have a fantastic day uwu if anything's too difficult to come up with ideas for I'm more than happy for you to change anything to make it easier for you too!

♡︎ matchup for anon

heya! here i am with another late matchup but i hope you still see this. i'm sorry about the delay (╯_╰)

bnha: i match you with . . .

natsuo todoroki !!

• this was one of those "heureka!" moments for me. you both hate your dads and hot weather? it's a match made in heaven! okay jk, these are just nice add-ons.

• what really made me consider Natsuo were your values and personality. kindness and friendships are important to both of you. Natsuo's a medical student so i am convinced helping others is high on his priority list too. he loves your driven and passionate nature because he doesn't go sugarcoating bs either.

• you're definitely the more energetic one while Natsuo only gets hot-headed about the things that are the most important to him. i think it's a good compromise, you can help each other out :)

• he was a little taken aback and cautious of your explosiveness at first but warmed up to it quickly after learning what a kind person you really were. now he thinks your dramatic attitude is funny during your sillier moments ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

• speaking of, you lads met at an animal shelter. there had been a dog that was astray in the neighbourhood of his home, so Natsuo, being a responsible boyo, took it to the local shelter.

• then there you were, standing by the help desk with five kittens wrapped in your jacket in your arms. apparently someone had been trying to drown them so you'd taken care of the situation accordingly.

• Natsuo understood jumping into a lake to rescue the poor animals because he would have done the same, but you could have had just called the police?? it was extremely ridiculous but admirable at the same time to beat all those guys up.

• your chat turned into a pleasant conversation afterwards as you were waiting for the animals to finish their check-ups. Natsuo was a bit shy but you didn't mind and kept the chat going which he appreciated.

• later he volunteered to help you look for good homes for the animals you'd both found. during this project the two of you got to know each other quite well and ended up hanging out together afterwards!

• and from that point on, everything fell into place naturally. the growing spark between you was undeniable and you both knew it. Natsuo definitely liked you longer, he was just a lil dense about it . . .

• you're nothing short of a hero in his eyes but dear lord he worries for you. when he's attending lectures he sometimes can't help but wonder if you're all right and not getting involved in anything violent.

• attends to your possible injuries while nagging you not to be so quick to start a fight next time. in return, you playfully bully him for being such a mom.

• you join forces with Fuyumi to pick on him about your relationship. even though you're already together, soft Natsuo still blushes when his affection for you is brought up, it's entertaining for both you and Fuyumi.

• idk if you've heard but Natsuo's 181cm tall!! hugging someone has never been easier even if you happen to be taller than him. the only thing is his skin's naturally kind of chilly so he's lowkey worried if you dislike it but you always assure him he's perfect!

• one time he was stressed over exams so you baked him some blueberry muffins. he gave you the biggest hug and kiss because it's exactly all these little things you do that set his heart racing for you ♡︎

• "last night i saw a dream about being a frog and eating giant flies, it was gross."

• "oh, that just means your love life is about to become fun."

• "i'm not sure how those two are related."

• "just trust me. i'm a pro at this."

• he also likes giving you headpats as much as he likes receiving them! his hands are quite big so he often runs his fingers through your hair when you're cuddling or hugging. it's especially relaxing after a long period of studying. also him carring you on his broad back ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)

• you enjoy the little things in life and complain about your fathers together. you've agreed to wait a while before even mentioning your relationship to them because, honestly, Natsuo doesn't want any more horrible influences in your life.

• you get him sucked into the world of video games. it's always fun to watch him struggle but he never gets salty about losing maybe a lil he adores your smile as you laugh at him for being so bad at them.

• your dates include: helping out at animal shelters and retirement homes, video game and movie nights (especially about true crime), arcades and astronomy tower explorstions. i feel like Natsuo's more into traditional, romantic and chill dates and that's your usual thing. though i see sometimes you going to get coffee and ending up solving a 50-year-old murder case instead (✧ω✧)

❦︎ ink box

— despite Natsuo's best efforts to distance himself from Endeavor, it wasn't quite as easy and everyone was very much aware of the Todoroki family. and now the son of the number 1 hero had a lover.

— it wasn't actually that troublesome at first. some newpaper paparazzi occasionally annoyed you but you didn't care for them. most of the time Natsuo and you had your peace during dates aside from a few casual fans.

— but of course there are all sorts of people out there, some out for revenge, some for money, and being desperate means using even the lowest of methods to get what you want.

— so one time it happened, and it was all that took. several bitter villains thought they'd get their revenge through you, silly as it may sound. they made a big show of kidnapping you and demanding Endeavor to 'make up' for his wrongdoing. but all got resolved thanks to heroes, the only casualty being Natsuo's heart from almost exploding from worry and his deepening hatred for his father.

— later on, it wasn't that Natsuo was worried about you not being able to handle yourself, he feared what might happen if more of powerful villains came after you.

— so, after some debate, you agreed not to meet up for a short while to let the fuse of the incident settle down. it would be safer once the media forgot about it. you still texted and chatter over phone though!

— but then a week turned into two weeks, then into a month. you were wondering what was taking Natsuo to say the coast was clear and did a straight-up inquiry through a video chat.

— you could see he was restless the entire time. he said you should wait longer just to be sure everything was calm before meeting up. you became irritated because he was obviously lying and not being his normal, brutally honest self.

— why was he giving you this crap straight to your face?

— truthfully, Natsuo hadn't been sleeping all right recently. ever since that day he had reoccurring nightmares about something awful happening to you. they were just dreams, he knew. yet considering his ruffled up past and the frequency of those horrible visions, it would have been lie to say he was unaffected.

— paranoia just wouldn't leave him alone, and no matter how much he wanted to hold you in his arms again and hated making up stupid excuses, the voice at the back of his mind whispered this was for the best.

— after a month and a half had passed you've had just about enough, however. whatever reason he was keeping you in the dark for did no longer stop you from crashing into his house and demanding the truth.

— Natsuo knew you and expected this to eventually happen. after you made such a powerful entrance though he also knew there was no getting around it this time. really, it was comforting knowing you cared so deeply.

— he told you exactly what had been happening and you resisted the urge to punch him in the arm for having such a mindset. but the look in his beautiful grey eyes was so heartbreaking you threw yourself to embrace him instead. your touch was everything Natsuo had craved for for all this time.

— you skillfully assured him for the next couple of hours while keeping the talk light-hearted (he had obviously been overthinking way too much already). soon enough the issue was resolved and you had a sleepover right there to make uo for the lost time (Shoto and Fuyumi kept eavesdropping on you because y'all were being way too loud in a cute way).

— "i love you, Natsu, but if you ever keep something like this a secret from me again, i can't guarantee the safety of your arm or your front door."

♫︎ music box

— If I Had An Airplane by SayWeCanFly

— This December by Rick Montgomery

— Round & Laundry from Carole and Tuesday

— Haven't Had Enough by Marianas Trench

— Bowie On The Radio by Ryan McMullan

♡︎ runner up: Dabi / Touya Todoroki

thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoyed this! i'm really pleased about matching you with Natsuo, it's just so perfect. have a lovely day and remember to take care of yourself ♡︎

[daydreamindollie]

j.ww | soft hearted

Pairing: j.wonwoo x f.reader

Length: 13k

Genre: soulmate!au (kinda) ; university!au ; strangers2lovers ; domestic violence  

Summary: You were a sweet girl looking for love and protection, he was a stoic man avoiding love at all costs. It's only fitting that the two of you cross paths.

A/N: I really don't know how to feel about this fic or this alternate universe I came up with. I haven't planned everything out so that's why the roles of the hearts aren't as well described here or as influential to the plot as I want them to be but I'll be sure to establish the ordinance of this universe as soon as I can. I'm sorry if the plot seems rushed or fast-paced at all throughout this oneshot, I kept replanning, redrafting and rewriting it but, unfortunately, this is the version I am most satisfied with. I might edit this in the future but that all depends on how much time I have to spare because this took me ages! Oh my goodness! I hope it's a good read for you though! And, hopefully, the next member's story won't take as long as Wonwoo's

In a universe where people carry around their hearts, with some wearing them on their sleeves and others tucking them into the breast pocket of their blazers and out of people’s sight, Wonwoo appeared to be the only one adamant at keeping his at home and off his person when moving about. It wasn’t as though he was embarrassed by his heart or anything, it’s just that, carrying around his heart like most people usually would, was a heavy burden on him, quite literally. Everyone’s heart had a trait that matched the personality of the person they represented and, although they were all as unique as the person that owned them, they all had a similar trait. They were unbreakable - harder than diamond and more precious than any jewel. Despite this physical resilience to external forces, however, they can be fractured by one thing and one thing only: heartbreak.

Wonwoo’s heart was much like the rest in this quality, however, his heart had undergone a phenomenon he’d prefer to keep to himself rather than alert the cardiologists, who specialised in the field of hand-held hearts. Before his first heartbreak, Wonwoo’s heart was soft, in any way shape or form. Its surface was smooth like the finest silk and it was rather sizeable too, almost reaching farther than his fingertips when held in the center of his palm. Not only that but his heart had the viscosity of fluffy marshmallows. Looking back on the time his heart was of that state was laughable because it directly matched his personality: funny and sweet, soft and malleable to any given situation. Now, however, he was hardly like that and so was his heart.

Heartbreak really changed him as a person and usually, people who suffered through that would go through therapy or counseling with their heartbreaker in order to avoid any desperate change their heart and they, themselves, would make in response to the pain of heartbreak. Sometimes, breaking another person’s heart was punishable as a crime simply because of the adverse effect it can have on an individual, and so, it was always taught to children at a young age that when given the responsibility of another person’s heart, they should handle it with the utmost care. Wonwoo never had the pleasure of going through therapy or counseling for his heartbreak; he merely didn’t want the pity and stigma that came when people found out that he had gone through something like that, and he knows for certain that many people would be alerted of his suffering. If people had ever once been heartbroken in their lives it was put in their medical records as a signpost that their heart was more breakable now than before, he also didn’t want the sympathy of others if he were to enter the heartbreak clinic. He just wanted to avoid all the trivial attention.

And so, Wonwoo left his heart alone, to change and morph into stone. He didn’t know what stone it was but it was still as unbreakable as ever, with the exception of the damage heartbreak had brought - he wouldn’t dare test that out. Alongside the change of his heart, Wonwoo also made a drastic change in personality; now he was mostly silent and stoic, inclined to keep to just himself and his group of friends. He had become as quiet and as still as his heart of stone.

It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, though. Wonwoo saw the change to be good because now, he wasn’t so easily fooled by others and their perfidious promises, he was also able to keep away other people, which only lowered the chances of him ever feeling heartbreak again. The only problem was that his heart, now, weighed so much more than it used to and it wasn’t as if Wonwoo had spaghetti arms either; he had managed to weigh the thing once and it was rounded down to 12.5kg. He already had many books to carry as a literature major so it was only an inessential added weight that Wonwoo had no desire of lugging around every day, so it just had to stay home atop his bedside table.

Despite the heartbreak he had suffered through alone, he was admired and sought out by many girls, who would confront him about their feelings if it weren’t for his reputation - his reputation to coldly reject those that even breathed a word to him about anything concerning love. Many rumors make their way around university campus about him and his chilling demeanor, some suspect that he has no heart, others believe he's experienced heartbreak and some just think it’s who he is as a person. The first was simply ridiculous because everyone has a heart but the last two were fairly accurate in their own right. Wonwoo can’t find it in himself to care, however, because they weren’t ever going to find out, he’s only told his closest friends, who have been sworn to secrecy, and he doesn’t plan on telling anyone else, he hasn’t even told his parents.

The tall, expressionless boy simply goes through lectures breezily before huddling up in the corner of the campus library with his nose stuck in-between the pages of an invigorating book. Reading the words of the many writers he admires, envelopes him with daydreams that project the images being described on the woody pages perfectly. It’s the only time he feels like his old self again when his emotions were as vibrant as the colours and shapes he sees through the metal frames of his circular glasses. Maybe that’s why he was so addicted to books and why he had chosen his major when he, previous to the heartbreak, knew nothing of what he wanted to be when he was older.

In spite of his cold manner, all he genuinely wants to do is comfort others, others that could be going through or had already gone through heartbreak. He knows that he can simply become another therapist and garner the same repercussions but it won’t be the same, it won’t provide the same satisfaction as publishing a book because, at least, that comes with the knowledge that his words of comfort and advice can reach others worldwide. He also doesn’t want to provide the usual therapy that focuses directly on the cause, he’d rather provide comfort subtly and in a more enjoyable way. This can only be achieved through the tellings of a story, is what Wonwoo concluded years ago when he had given his future a truly deep and long thought.

Now, he’s here, surrounded by friends and reaching towards a dream as he bites down on a sandwich, ensuring that the crumbs don’t fall into the book held in his hands. He and his twelve other friends occupied a good stretch of the tables provided at the cafeteria and he had hopes that others would be able to bypass him when glancing over but he was wrong much like how he is always mistaken when thinking optimistically about things.

“Look, he’s right there!”

“Isn’t he handsome? So mysterious and cold. He’s just the guy for me.”

“You better watch out, he’s stone-cold when it comes to love confessions. He’s rejected everyone that’s come his way with the intentions of capturing his heart. It's like he doesn't care about whether he breaks someone's heart or not,”

Wonwoo heard a sigh, “And he was so perfect…”

“It’s better to just treat him like art and admire from afar.”

Wonwoo loves following his simple routine and, therefore, has one for everything: for how he should get ready for bed, for what he should do in the morning, for when he should eat his meals, for his university days...the list goes on. Today was another university day for him and both of the lectures he needed to attend today were back-to-back in the early morning, which left him the rest of the day to do with what he wanted. These days were his favourite because after getting work done in the morning he didn’t feel as guilty for spending most of the day he had left in the library and drowning in the river of words in the abundance of books that surrounded him provided.

For most of the day, his routine was the same; he had attended both of his lectures and had eaten his lunch at his preferred cafe, situated right beside the campus library, which was his final destination for the time being. The moment the tall young man had entered the library, however, he was having to spend an extended minute beside the front desk, attempting to process the fact that the elderly lady that used to sit at the desk was no longer there and was now replaced by a wrinkle-free face that adorned the cutest button nose and most innocuous sparkling doe eyes he had ever seen.

“Good afternoon, sir,” you chirp happily up at the stoic man towering over you. He was very handsome, with a slim face and proportionate body, he also adorned cute circular-framed glasses that you weren’t a big fan of but appreciated that they looked good on him. The only thing that put you off of his appearance was that he was absolutely expressionless and when you saw that he wasn’t going to greet you back, your heart sank into your stomach, causing the one in your pocket to become heavy, almost pushing you to tilt down with it. You were able to resist, however, as the male curtly nodded and hurried away, behind a shelving unit of dense books. In doing this, the weight of your heart became light again and the pout that itched to trace your lips was now gone.

Brushing the swift and minorly callous greeting to the back of your mind, you continued on with what your job required. You still had a few minutes left until you had to switch places with someone else and take over their job of restocking the books into their original places. It was a job nobody tended to enjoy but you were eager to get started; it was a new experience and you’d much rather be accompanied by books than other people right now, especially because of that daunting, earlier exchange. Yup, you definitely couldn’t wait to immerse yourself with books that needed stacking.

Many minutes drawled by and your colleague came back, flashing you a smirk as you switched places, it was if they were wishing you good luck with the task. It was a silent wish you felt as though you didn’t need at first but now that you were wheeling around piles of books in a cart twice your size, you were beginning to understand why people had a deep dislike for this duty. You were also left with the pile of books that needed to be stacked in the far corner of the large library. It was an exciting place to explore but not when you were having to sweat buckets just from pushing the cart of books around.

When you finally reached the area that required the majority of books you needed to replace onto their shelves, you wiped at the sweat on your brow before huffing a sigh and beginning to hum to yourself. Humming, was your own way of giving yourself therapy. It was never for serious things, just for when you needed to calm down or needed your mind to be brought elsewhere to distract you from things you didn’t want to confront. It was your own commiseration for when there wasn’t anyone around you to lean on.

You were just minding your own business, getting on with work that needed to get done for pay and didn’t realise the pair of eyes lingering on your figure from the little nook tucked away in a secluded part of the library that hardly anyone noticed. It was a quaint quarter that had the books not many people tended to take out and so it was the perfect place for Wonwoo to set himself up in for an entire afternoon and evening of reading. Of course, there was the occasional person that needed a book from that area but they never stayed long and hardly noticed the tucked-away alcove Wonwoo always occupied. It was a little corner wedged with an antique armchair and a small table with which sat a desk lamp. It was perfect for Wonwoo to read in peace. It also seemed to be a perfect place to watch others - especially cute librarians - move through the tall shelving units.

Earlier, when you had greeted him, Wonwoo was too shocked and afraid to greet you back, he regrets it now but he hopes that one day, the two of you could become acquaintances, at the very least. Deep inside him, however, he yearned for something more. The reason being that he usually hated it when others made any noise around him as he wanted to read in only the company of silence, making any form of noise the antithesis of that. However, he seemed to like your humming; it wasn’t disturbing or distracting at all, in fact, it just added to the relaxed atmosphere he found much delight in. He hadn't a clue why he suddenly had the urge to feel close to you and it was fairly incongruous but he paid no mind to it at that moment.

When you were tucked into the front desk and seated, Wonwoo wasn’t given the opportunity to survey how cute your outfit was. You looked really adorable. The main palette of colour you were draped in were nudes and browns, your pleated skirt was a sweet, walnut brown that you had tucked your maple jumper into. If you weren’t charming already, the white-collar peeking out from underneath your jumper made him feel warm in the chest as he continued staring as you stacked books in your heeled boots, still unable to fully reach the highest shelf with the elevation they gave you. It was definitely an aesthetic that he found attractive, especially on you. This was a peculiar thought because he’s only met you today and he hasn’t even said a word to you yet.

It’s dangerous for him to be feeling this way. After his first and last heartbreak, hasn’t he already learned his lesson about falling in love? It can never end well.

Lost in thought from the conflicts of how strangely attractive you are to him but also how he needs to stop thinking about you or else he’ll find himself in the same situation he was in years ago, Wonwoo briskly loses touch with the happenings around him. Without realising, the tall male continues staring at you as the dispute in his mind goes back and forth long enough for you to turn around to the next shelf and register that the tall, handsome man who had basically ignored your greeting at the desk, was staring at you.

In his hands, you see a worn, hardcover book with aged pages and you instantly flush in embarrassment and shame. You probably disturbed his reading with your humming and by the stern stoic look he’s focusing intensely on you, it appears as though he’s eager to warn you of the disturbance you were making. Not wanting to perturb him further, you tuck your chin into your neck and get on with your work, no longer humming your supposedly disquieting tune.

It takes several moments for Wonwoo to register the fact that you had stopped humming and couldn’t help the small frown that weighs his lips down. The sudden silence is probably his fault too, his heart of stone keeps his face stripped of most emotions so that, even if he were to feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, only a small smile would appear on his face, so subtle that hardly anyone would notice. He doesn’t want to further plague your work so Wonwoo tries to get back into reading his beloved book once more if it weren’t for the slight groan that catches his attention.

Upon looking up, he catches sight of your struggle. The height of the tall shelving units are giant compared to you and your heeled boots, it was an endearing sight to see you attempt at reaching high enough to stack the highest shelf but the weak whimper that escaped your mouth had his chest tightening and before he knew it, he was on his feet and walking your way.

Hearing the slow footsteps getting louder from behind you, you tried to ignore the creeping feeling that swamped your stomach but when a shadow engulfs your own you’re quick to swivel on your feet and lightly bump your nose against a hard chest.

“Let me do that for you…” at the sound of his voice, you almost melt into a puddle of goo on the floor but even though your knees are quaking uncontrollably, you’re somehow able to hold yourself up. You wait with bated breath as you hear him slot the book back into its rightful place on the shelf, “If you need any help with any more books, just ask…” you remained motionless as he stepped back and made the move to return to his little quiet corner for reading but he shocks you again by meeting your eyes and making you flush even more, “I really like your humming; don’t feel like you have to stop because of me.”

Despite his comment, it takes you a few moments to finally start humming again but, this time, you’re more than willing to persist with your own devised tune.

One thing Wonwoo hates more than anything is when his special secluded spot at the library gets stolen by some rowdy freshmen who have yet to experience the reality of work eventually catching up to them if they don’t stay on top of it. It’s the only time his quiet hideaway becomes a social corner. This is supposed to be a library, meant for studying and delving into the fabricated worlds of writers old and new, not a place for social gatherings that disturb the peace and magic in the air. However, it seems as though ever since he had helped you that day, his area has been left spec and span, clean of dust as well as the disturbance that always used to irritate his nerves. The window was finally cracked open to let in a breeze of fresh air so that it didn’t get too stuffy and were cleaned so that the rays of sunlight came in with no disturbance at all. After discerning the fact, he has had a very peaceful week and was kept in good spirits, so much so that he’s always been greeting you at the front desk with, no longer a nod, but a timid wave that always came across as blithe despite his awkwardness at first, and a charming smile.

It would be a lie to say that your chest suddenly felt lighter every time he flashed that pearly-white smile of his your way. The feeling was fluttering and sweet but in the pit of your stomach, there was a sour emotion of guilt that slowly weighed down that light sensation and had you averting your eyes as quickly as you’ve been able to meet his. The foul emotion never seems to reach Wonwoo and he only assumes the quick averting of your gaze as your simple lack of courage, which only forms a swell of fondness for you in his chest. Again, this was a dangerous sign for him but, just like before, he’s rendered helpless as he watches you go about your business, re-stacking shelves and looking absolutely adorable as you do so. Knowing full well of his growing endearment for you, someone he’s hardly interacted with for more than a week or so, he does his best to ensure that keeps you at a good distance away. However, this still doesn’t stop his friendly yet distant greetings of smiles and waves of the hand that have your knees weakening but your stomach churning unpleasantly.

Your stomach is heavy but your chest is light and you feel warm, you know that you shouldn’t wander further into the background of the charming stranger that always smiles your way and never forgets to wave at you whenever you find your eyes locking with his pools of chocolate brown. Sinking your teeth into your bland lunch of old take-out food from yesterday night, you mumble your most burning question across to your colleague, who sits at the other side of the room with one leg crossed over the other. She files down her long nails, a perfectly good looking lunch beside her going cold from her ignorance. She’s the pretty perfect picture of a ‘popular’ girl on campus that’s only doing extra work for the credits and points, which is the only reason why she can be found working in the library. Her and her rowdy bunch of friends usually occupied the charming man’s quiet corner some days of the week and, for you to drive them out, you had to do some bargaining, which landed you with extra chores around the library, hence why you’re hardly able to stop and converse with the handsome stranger Wonwoo. It's not that you even had the pluck to do so in the first place, but you’ve always been willing to sit and watch him read more verbose art with his long fingers turning the pages as his strong palms supported the thickset spine of the book.

“What was that?” your colleague calls as you take a moment to chew and swallow your food before repeating your question. It didn’t matter that you had finished eating because your voice was still weak and hardly reached her, causing her to upturn a drawn-in brow.

“W-Wonwoo…” was the only word she was able to make out but that was all she needed to be rushing over, a smile glowing up her once miserable expression as she plopped herself down beside you, ready to flood out endless rivers of words about the boy. You were quite shocked actually, you didn’t know his name could spark such a reaction.

“Jeon Wonwoo? The handsome bookworm that always seems to visit this library even though I’ve hardly had a glance of him despite working here?” she gushes, all in one breath, as you nod with a look of shock largely evident on your face, which she seems to ignore in her excitement to talk about such a ‘juicy, hot’ topic - as she would describe it.

“Isn’t he super handsome?” she manages to whine but squeal in delight all at the same time, continuing without even giving you the chance to answer her rhetorical question, “He’s so silent and mysterious,” she continues to praise before lowering her voice and leaning closer to you, as if he was about to tell you a secret, “many girls in his literature class have at least had a small crush on him but, apparently, all the people that have confessed to him - some were even guys, mind you - he has rejected very coldly.” she leans back with a shrug of her shoulders, “I’m sure it’s his way of warning all others that he won’t be interested in anyone at this university, but people are more stubborn than that. He should know, I mean, he does literature, I’m sure he’s read ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and about how stubborn those two were,” you can only nod along as you took in all the information she was feeding you, information that you didn’t need. You wanted to know him as a person, not about how handsome he is because you already knew that from the multiple glances you’ve spared in his direction. Also, even without her gossip, you can conclude that you already know more than her about him.

He appears to come by only during the later afternoons, hence why she’s hardly seen him because she leaves a little while after midday as she knows you’ll be covering the rest of her work. Also, he only seems to read for an hour or two before leaving. He only reads and that’s it, he doesn’t study so he probably has another space for that, either that or he’s just really smart and he doesn’t need to put as much work in as other students. It’s unfair that he’s already so fanciable atop being incredibly astute.

As your colleague continues to babble on about god knows what, you slowly start to feel yourself smiling at the possibility of getting to know him if you had the time and geeking over books together but when you bitterly remind yourself that you already had someone, that sourness overcomes your tastebuds again and makes your grimace softly. It’s a pang of reasonable guilt but is misplaced specifically for how your current relationship is right now. It’s a rocky path, full of obstacles that trip you up along the way, leaving bruises and sometimes even cuts that aren't even given sufficient time to ameliorate into scars.

The relationship you have is physical and abusive. It isn’t the fairytale love story that you’ve always dreamed of, it’s not comfortable or sweet or loving in any way. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. You know you should leave him but you’re always hesitant to because, strangely enough, your boyfriend, no matter how abusive, can give you the sense of comfort no one else can. He's able to provide you with reassurance and confidence about yourself that you had developed surrounding him. It’s so perilous for you to believe that if you were to leave him, you will crumble down to the extremely shy and incredibly unattractive girl that you used to be before he came into your life. He has manipulated and twisted your mind so much that although you know you’re better off without him, you can’t leave him because you believe he’s essential to have in your life in order to keep yourself together.

He’s the only person that has ever taken the time to love and cherish you for who you are and, despite the relationship turning sour, you always find a reason - an excuse - to continue staying by his side and turn away from strangers that could help you, even strangers as friendly and comforting as Wonwoo.

It was a Wednesday and you were a little late in setting up the little corner area for Wonwoo but you were determined to get the place clean and comfortable for him to be able to truly relish in the words of most recent ‘must-read’. Almost every few seconds, you would look at the time on your phone and rush your self to hurry before he catches you preparing the place for him. It would be so embarrassing if he finds out that you were going through such lengths for him despite hardly even knowing him but, he’s been so kind to you, kinder than the person who's supposed to be cherishing you like the most precious jewel there has ever been. You suppose your warm heart has gotten warm for him similar to the way it once did for your boyfriend. You still loved your boyfriend though, Wonwoo was just a kind stranger that you want to become friends with despite the controlling hand your boyfriend has been having on your social life.

Just as you were finishing up with wiping down the small side table, you suddenly felt a presence behind you before a tap on your shoulder directed your attention to the handsome face of the stranger you had been frenetically setting up the area for.

“So it’s been you,” he speaks softly, his charming smile making your chest squeeze as you sensed your heartwarming up in your breast pocket.

“Wh-wha-?” you stutter, embarrassed that you’ve been caught but also confounded at the grandeur appeal of his smile.

“You’ve been the one that’s kept other people away from my area and cleaning up any messes you might have missed,” he gives you a nod of thanks before delivering his gratitude in words, “I really appreciate that, thank you.”

“I-It’s alright,” you squeak, face still predominant with a reddish hue, “I just wanted to thank you for helping me out the first time we met,” your admittance only has Wonwoo furrowing his brows and feeling the weight of guilt sink his stomach. It was only one time and it wasn’t that much of a grandiose gesture either. This makes him think of if you’re always this grateful for every little thing, for every kind gesticulation done for you, would you repay someone as if they've saved your life? It’s an endearing attribute but he worries that some people could have taken advantage of that.

“Why don’t I help you with the shelf stacking?” he offers, not even waiting to hear for your response as he walks over to your tray and begins stacking the books.

Gasping, you quickly hurry to his side and try to push him back to his little nook, your small soft hands splayed across his chest as you look up to him with your wondrous doe eyes. He thinks it's adorable how you think he’s going to stop when you look all the more fragile and in greater need of his help at that moment. Your action of prevention has only led to the sealing of his resolution in helping you regardless.

"Please don't trouble yourself. I don't want to get in the way of your time spent reading,"

“It’s alright, I really don’t mind. I mean, you’ve been doing this for me for a while, right?” you don’t respond and remain speechless because you know how horribly you lie and people can just see right through your little act, “I’d feel guilty if I didn’t do this for you, at least. Please let me help you?” he beseeches softly and although you’re tempted to give in, you keep your mouth stubbornly shut, “If it makes you feel better, I’ll only do the ones that you can’t reach and you can do the rest, yeah?”

He doesn’t know why he’s so willing to help you but when he sees you give a hesitant nod, your eyes sparkling with the conflicting emotions of gratitude and worry, he knows why. You look so delicate and frail that his stone heart can’t help but want to protect you from all evil things in the world. Not only that but he greatly admires your kindness, to him, it’s so attractive and charming for a girl to act selflessly and be genuinely compassionate for those around them. To him, those types of people are the most precious because they wouldn’t have the heart to break another's. Taking in a deep breath, he looks away from you in an attempt to keep his mind and heart from wandering too far into the charmingly mysterious being that is you. Although he can sense that you’re the type of person who couldn’t hurt a fly, he still remained guarded.

Wonwoo can’t believe that he has only known you for a short period of time, and yet, he’s talking to you more than he is with his usual gaggle of friends. He mentally argues that this case is different, however, because of the fact that his friends are more talkative than him, which usually leads him to keep silent as the rest of them continue with their conversations. On occasion, he would voice his views, of course, but it wouldn't be often. His friends didn't mind this and he was appreciative of that. You were a different affair because whatever you had to say was something he either had an opinion on or was relatively interested it. In addition to that, it was only ever a conversation between you two; talking like that always required input from both sides at some point. You would also always make sure that he felt included and that you didn't prattle on too much. It was a strange quirk of yours to always ask him a question about every topic brought up between you but he appreciated it none the less. That's probably why he has been able to grow so fond of you. The two of you, he found out whilst stacking shelves and chatting with you, had very similar tastes in books, valued many similar things and had the same humor.

It was comforting to find someone so similar to him and sharing so many things with him but also have that someone be completely different. You were soft and sweet, he was stoic and stern. Based on that alone, he can already tell that you’d be a good equaliser for him. He’s never met someone so perfect yet so fraught with danger for him. There’s this basic need within him wanting to push you away for his benefit and safety but every time he looks your way, in your cute outfit of oversized jumpers and skinny jeans, he is engulfed by that want and needs to wrap you up in his arms where he will have you stay there forever.

“So…” he attempts to start conversation in the midst of stacking the higher shelves for you, “what are you studying?” admittedly, Wonwoo found the sound of his own voice foreign in the preserved silence of the library; he is always inclined to keep to himself and stirs far away from making conversation with others, worried that it would stretch on for a longer period than needed. Surprisingly enough, however, Wonwoo wouldn’t mind if you were to talk decades of knowledge to him in that gentle saccharine voice of yours.

Giggling, you flush red at the prospect that someone so handsome would find enough interest in you to ask you questions about yourself. In an attempt to hide your flustered cheeks, you look towards a lower shelf and re-stack the missing books, failing to catch the bewildered expression of the tall man beside you at the sound of your twinkling laugh. He had never heard anything so melodious.

“I’m studying English Literature and Creative Writing here,” you spoke softly, taking a moment to run your fingers along the delicate spine of an aged hardback before replacing it into the shelf once more.

“You like reading then?”

“Of course!” you gush in a whisper, eyes capturing the sparkle of celestial bodies, an impossible feat but Wonwoo can understand how only you are able to achieve it, “It’s such a great way of escaping the normal world where you can learn to love and hate multiple characters, you learn from their mistakes and achievements and apply what they preach to your own values. I love it,”

Smiling to himself, Wonwoo focuses back on the task he had committed himself to, despite the pull in his chest to continue staring at you, “you took the words right out of my mouth,” surprised at his confession, you stare up at him and catch the smile his pink lips adorned no matter the subtleness of it. Whoever could miss such a charming smile?

Inevitably, the two of you start talking about your favourite books and since your tastes are so similar, you start to gossip about all of your favourite moments hidden in between their creamy pages. You had never experienced something this wonderful before, not even with your current boyfriend. Yes, he used to be a sweetheart but he still didn’t share the same amount of interest you had in books and you had known that, in his eyes, he liked that about you. At the time, it made you feel special and led to your blossoming feelings of affection to him. Unfortunately, those feelings have slowly died away with his gradual change in personality. He’s no longer the same and you wish you could have saved him but by the time you had finally built up the realisation and courage to end his bad habits, it was already too late. There was always the argument of, why don’t you just leave him?

Your heart was still able to warm up at the presence of him as proof of your still evident feelings despite it being not as warm as it used to be in the earliest honeymoon stages of your relationship. There was also the possibility of you breaking his heart in the process and you didn’t want to be responsible for any further negative changes in his lifestyle and mood. It wouldn’t be fair, he was already struggling through his addictions and for you to be so heartless as to leave him for just because you were no longer satisfied and always hurt from his bad habits was extremely selfish. You wanted to stay and help him as much as you can, that’s why you were willing to put your education on pause and drop out of your university course to fully support him by being able to pick up more odd jobs. There’s always a possibility and danger in your mind that he’ll just use the money you earn for his habits but you’re certain that if you just stay by his side, you’ll be able to help him along the path of recovery.

The dreams you have of becoming a famous playwright and poet, much like Shakespear, would just have to wait. Sometimes some things aren’t meant to be but that’s just for the meantime. Things will eventually get better and then you’ll finally be steady enough on your feet to finally pursue your dreams, hopefully, with someone you cherish. Sacrifices have to be made and the thought of getting your loving boyfriend back is the only motivation you need to go through with it.

“So…why are you working in the library? Extra credit?” Wonwoo hums in curiosity, settling back into his armchair after finishing all the top shelves.

“Um…not really…my boyfriend-” there was a tone of insecurity in your voice, forcing you to withhold information from him. He had unknowingly felt a painful ache begin to enclose his heart at the mention of you having a boyfriend but ignored the feeling, wanting to bring you freedom from hardships through articulation.  From your streak of talking freely to him, he finds your tight lips bizarre but remains silent so that you’re free to make the decision for yourself. If you chose to continue talking, he’ll listen but never judge you with whatever you have to say, however, if you chose to stay quiet, he won’t press you further and continue reading his book as per usual. After a long pause, your voice finally reaches out to him, this time, however, weaker and more tentative, “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be,” he instantly reassures, “I’m not going to press you for answers. Just know that if there’s something wrong, even if you don’t tell me what it is, you can come to me at any time for whatever help you might need,”

He didn’t have to offer you his time and consolation but he did anyway and that struck a chord in your heart, making your chest constrict with a fond ache, something you haven’t felt in a very long time with your boyfriend for the past few months.

“Thank you, I really appreciate that,” the two of you smile at each other for a minute or two, never really needing to voice anything more. You were happy.

It has always been routine for Wonwoo to spend most of his afternoon and evenings at the library, it was a hobby that he absolutely loved and his friends understood that. However, suspicions slowly began rising when the tall male is making excuses to stay there longer and visit more frequently. The excuses started off reasonable enough; he needed to read up on an assigned book; he had to catch up work; there was an assignment due soon and so on. Nevertheless, the ostensible reasonings he made can only be used up to a point and his lies became all the more perceptible; I left my bag there (“but your back is in the corner of the room-”); I forgot to take out this book that I’m suddenly interested in reading (“but you never liked books of that genre”), I don’t spend enough time at the library (“you spend more than enough time there, this is the first time we’ve gotten together and talked this week!”). It was outrageous. So when the boys did a little digging and found out he was making heart eyes at a sweet-looking librarian girl, they left him to himself. They never thought that he’d ever find interest in a girl but they were overjoyed at being proven wrong. In fact, they were so ecstatic that they made up excuses for him to leave and go spend time at the library.

They were happy for him and anxious to meet the librarian that, they knew, he’d eventually reel in and have in his arms. It was only a matter of time.

The topic of hearts was an unavoidable topic to be brought up but Wonwoo was secretly hoping that you’d be one of the people to keep to your own. However, he wasn’t surprised that, when you got extra time to sit around and talk to him, you elucidated inquisitiveness in his heart. You were asking gentle questions, not openly pronouncing a want to see or touch his heart but he knew that you secretly wanted to do those things; everyone wanted to know about everyone else’s heart, especially if they’re the ones that bring about the topic first.

“What’s your heart like?” you habitually tilt your head, as if you don’t know the effect it has on his poor soul, “I want to know,” he fails to keep the hesitance from showing on his face, which you instantly try to remedy, “I’ll show you and let you hold my heart now if you promise to show me and let me hold yours in return one day,” it seemed like a fair deal, you weren’t giving him a time limit and he was getting something similar in return. He had a lot of freedom in this covenant. Although he was having second thoughts, his head was already confirming the agreement for him.

Your smile instantly brightens as you go to reach your hand into your pocket and quickly present your heart to him, cradled in your cupped palms. The heart in your hands was clear and glass-like, it had a geometric look about it. Despite the visibly sharp vertices being rounded off smoothly, they were still prominent, which brought forth fear of being cut.

“Give me your hand…” you softly urge, pulling him into a trance that had his hands reaching out in the same cradled shape like yours. It was an intimate act -allowing someone to hold your heart. The only other person that had held your heart was your boyfriend. He had dropped it many times before from being too careless with it. It made you wince when it was dropped each time but you know can trust Wonwoo, despite only knowing him for several weeks. It was strange but you accepted it because you know he's the time of person that would never intentionally hurt another, unlike your current boyfriend.

“It’s warm…” his deep voice awes as he stares down at your heart, making you blush at the amount of attention and care he’s giving it, “It’s soft too…” he takes a moment to think of how to further describe it, “it's like its made of silk even though it looks like it’s made of glass,” he smiles up at you, only further deepening the pink hue of your blush as you look towards your feet to avoid his fond gaze. This is bad. If you continue catching feelings for Wonwoo, you’ll feel like a worse person than your current boyfriend. Is this cheating? You’re sure you’re allowed to talk to other guys when still in a relationship. “You have a really warm heart,”

“Thank you,” you blurt in a panic, not knowing how to react as he chuckles deeply, making your chest squeeze in the most pleasant way.

You were lost in each other's eyes, subconsciously leaning into one another as you held your heart together. The moment was perfect. You would've liked to treasure and keep it as a pretty picture in your head if it weren't for the rotten aftertaste it left in your mouth. Kangdae, the man you had once thought and wished you would spend the rest of your life with, had witnessed the loving exchange, he was expeditiously seeing red.

He had been suspicious of your dubious buoyant attitude whenever you would come home from or get ready to go to the university campus library for work. It had been happening for a few weeks and it had driven him mad with curiosity. In order to satisfy his inquisition, he resolved to espionage on your work shift. Now, he was driven mad with resentment and indignation.

It didn't take long for Kangdae to reach you with his long strides and pull you harshly away from Wonwoo. In his tight grip, he squeezes your rapidly chilling heart as the grasp he has encircling your wrist constricts to the point where you fear that the circulation of blood to your hand is cut off.

"I'm sorry that my girlfriend," Kangdae growls at you behind clenched teeth as you cower helplessly, "has been bothering you. I'll be taking her home early today," terror precipitately clouds over your wide, doe-like eyes. And, as you are dragged away, you flash Wonwoo a look of absolute, unadulterated trepidation. He becomes frozen in time where fear for your wellbeing consumes his tall figure. Although he wanted to help, it wasn't in his place to speak up for you as he's probably the reason why your lover has reacted with such antagonism. He takes a step forward but finds you are already gone and no matter how hard he tries, he cannot think of anything other than your horror-stricken face. Your sweet, innocent complexion doesn't suit such an emotion, which only emphasises how wrong and sour the situation is for you.

The horrible, pulsing sting of your black eye persists until the next day where you dread about the thought of going to work at the library once again. Luckily, Kangdae had his own 'errands' to run for, which you're pretty sure will just be indulging in his own self-destructive habits. He's horrible. How could he do this to you? But, then again, you're possibly just as horrible as him by helping feed his habits as you were the one working to earn money for him to spend. Never before has he hit you but you try to reason that you were deserving of it, seeing as you were bordering on cheating on him in his eyes.

Leaning back and staring at yourself in the mirror, you wince at the crack your back gives from being bent over for so long, trying to cover up your black eye with foundation. You suppose it'll have to do, hopefully, Wonwoo doesn't take notice; you wince just thinking about the possibility. If you were to avoid the confrontation you're anxious to encounter with Wonwoo today then you'll just have to avoid him as much as possible.

And avoid him, you did, as if he were the plague.

The distance you were adamant in maintaining between you left Wonwoo befuddled more than he has ever been in his life. However, he's able to draw straight parallels between your bizarre distance and the sour mood your boyfriend was in the day before. Not wanting to worsen the situation any further, Wonwoo leaves you be in spite of the great amount of disinclination he felt in doing so.

It's surprising how he's been able to keep to himself for the better part of his time at the library, seeing as he's grown a habit of seeking you out just to hold a conversation. However, he shouldn't applaud himself too much as he was still finding it very difficult to concentrate on the book in his hands as his eyes would always wander to wherever he heard your dainty steps every few minutes. It was as if he was willing to convince himself that you were still there and safe.

Eventually, you ambivalently wheel your cart of books to Wonwoo's section, assuring yourself that he was engrossed in his book before going about your business and proceeding to stretch up high just to reach for the top shelf. Your grunts of evident struggle alert the tall male immediately and not a second passes before he's on his feet and making his way towards you in long strides. Yes, he aimed to keep away from you, waiting for you to go to him at your own time - a better time - when your boyfriend wasn't keeping such a close eye on you. However, it was now a habit for him to help you stack the higher shelves, should there be any to stack in exchange for keeping his little nook clear of clutter and annoying younger years. It actually came as a surprise to him when he had gotten to his secluded corner and found that you had still kept it clean and void of any loud company for him. Therefore, he still owes you his helping hand.

In shock at the sudden hand that gently takes the book from you and places it onto the highest shelf, you quickly turn and lock eyes with Wonwoo, whose own widens at the underlying purple hue of your right eye.

"What happened to you?" his voice was filled with concern and shock. Certainly, your boyfriend wouldn't be this type of guy. He pegged him to only have a jealousy issue but this made him lower than dirt and the scum of the earth.

"I-...I had a little accident,"

"And avoiding my eyes definitely means you're telling me the truth," you spare him a glance of guilt before turning away once again, "was he the one that did this to you?" met with silence, hopelessness grips him. The instant he notices your shoulders starting to shake, he places a comforting hand on your shoulder as a gesture of comfort but brings you into his arms when it does nothing back make your palpitations worse, "please tell me so I can help you, (Y/N)," his actions shock him but he really shouldn't be, seeing as you've always been able to bring about things about him he's usually unable to express. He never knew whether it was a good or bad thing but over time, he's been able to consider it as yet another wonderful thing about you.

"H-he's never hit me like this before, it's always b-been just verbal fights b-between us..." you sob in a vulnerable and broken voice, "I-I'm sure he didn't m-mean it, Wonwoo"

"That should never happen," his timbre holds a dangerous note of protectiveness and repulsion. How disgusted can your boyfriend be that he should ever even think of raising his hand at you? "There's never a good enough excuse for a man to ever lay a hand on his lady. Take me to him so that we can have a talk about what he's doing wrong," his eyes were steeled with an intense tenaciousness but you wouldn't allow him to do such a thing.

"No! Please stay away, you could get hurt," Wonwoo tries to protest but you only shake your head 'no', "you're a very dear friend to me, Wonwoo, it would hurt so much more than this black eye if anything were ever to happen to you because of me,"

"It wouldn't be your fault though,"

"But it will be," he can see that you're trembling even more now, like a leaf in the face of bitter autumn winds, so he can't bring himself to argue further and put more stress onto you, "I-I have to go home...I'm sure my shift's already over,"

"(Y/N)," he keeps you gently in place with a caring hand holding your own, "you're shivering uncontrollably and I'm pretty sure it's because of the man you're going home to," you can't dispute the truth, "please come stay at my apartment tonight so that I know you're safe, you can sleep in my bed while I sleep on the sofa,"

There's evident hesitance in your eyes but the more you think about it the more the avidity builds up deep inside you. The thought of going back home, simply to be shouted at again wasn't a welcoming idea, especially after what Kangdae had done to you.

You were having to push your friend away because of him, you were in pain because of him, you dropped out of uni because of him.

Looking into Wonwoo's deep brown, chocolate eyes, you find comfort and worry. It feels so so nice to have someone care and worry about your wellbeing for once that you find yourself nodding in agreement to his proposal.

Wonwoo's home is just what you expected it to be like: clean and organised but homey and comfortable. There wasn't an ever-growing pile of trash bags in the corner, it smelled like him and there was a consistent monochrome aesthetic with splashes of blue in the decor.

"You have a lovely home," you utter softly as soon as he's helped you out of your jacket and you've taken in the humble space.

"Thank you," you see a hint of a blush on his cheeks, "can I get you anything?"

"Just water would be good, thank you," he nods at your request and gestures for you to get comfortable on the sofa before he's out of the room and into the kitchen.

Tensions were high at first but soon enough conversations were flowing smoother than an undisturbed river between you. It just felt so natural to be with him, talk to him, look at him, sit with him, drink with him, laugh with him. You're so glad and grateful that he's there for you; you wouldn't have been able to voice this to anybody else, only him. You don't know why that may be the case but you're quick to start speculating that it may have something to do with you considering him to be more than just a friend...

Shaking your head, you rid the thoughts immediately. Those thoughts shouldn't be there. Wonwoo is just a friend. A really good friend that takes care of you, has beautiful eyes, luscious hair that you want to run your fingers through and such a sweet smile in spite of his cold exterior. He surprises you every day, they're all pleasant surprises just like the time you found out the two of you adore hamburgers and pomegranates. It isn't like the surprises your boyfriend slaps you in the face with; Kangdae's are almost always bad. Sighing, you try not to think about the things that transpired over the past year or two when your relationship consistently reached multiple lows.

"There, everything's ready for you." Wonwoo muses as he walks out of his room, flashing you a kind smile, "I changed the sheets and made sure everything's clean - all that's left to do is for you to have a goodnight's rest,"

"Wonwoo, are you sure that you're okay with having me sleep in your bed? This is your home and I don't want to be even more of a burden to you. Please let me sleep on the sofa instead," you plead with your eyes but he's having none of it. Instead, he is stepping his way towards you with a shake of his head.

"You aren't being a burden. I just want to take care of you since that-" he cuts himself off from insulting Kangdae, not wanting to upset you further by bringing him up, "since your boyfriend isn't looking after you as well as he should be and I think you deserve, at least, that much - it's what everyone deserves..." there's a pause as he reaches his hand up to cup your face and tilt your head up to him, where he stares down at your bruised eye and gently rubs his thumb beneath it.

Sensing his question, you console him with a, "It's feeling much better than earlier, thank you," you muster a small smile that he returns.

"Good but, just to be safe, I've put some painkillers on the bedside table," you nod in appreciation and smile wider.

"Thank you Wonwoo,"

"It's no problem, (Y/N),"

Just as you step towards the bedroom, you quickly realise something, "I-I don't have a change of clothes for the night..." you murmur, "or anything to brush my teeth with..." turning around, you stare up at Wonwoo with your big doe eyes and he has to resist the urge to coddle and coo at you to which he resolves by responding back quickly.

"You can borrow my clothes, it's alright," he leads you to his room and prepares a shirt and shorts for you to wear to bed, "I also keep extra toothbrushes around just in case," as soon as you're set, he leaves you to get ready as he gets ready in the living room.

'How lucky I am to have someone like him standing beside me,' you muse to yourself as you stare at your reflection in the mirror, swamped by his gigantic shirt. In the end, you had decided to forgo the shorts he offered because they just kept slipping and, thankfully, his shirt reached passed your mid-thigh so you were still covered. Although your outfit was cute, you looked really horrible without the makeup covering your black eye. With a sigh, you disregard the negative thoughts and stepped out into the living room to greet Wonwoo 'goodnight'.

Once you've circled the sofa, you realise that Wonwoo had already fallen asleep, his feet were lifted onto the arm of the sofa due to how tall he was and, although you feel bad for the discomfort he may be feeling right now, it's simply too comical of an image to not giggle at. After having a light-hearted chuckle to yourself, you pull the blanket he already has draped over him up to his neckline and over his shoulders before easing a fluffed-up pillow under his head. To your relief, he shows no sign of waking up from the movement.

He's so soft looking. You wish many more people get to see this gentle side of him because it's such a real shame that his beauty isn't shared in this way. His hair looks so soft, his skin is glassy and creamy-smooth, his lips, plump and pink. Absentmindedly, you go to kiss him goodnight. It's a direct line to his lips but you quickly catch yourself and lightly brush your lips against his anyway in defiance of your redirection to peck his cheek.

"Pleasant dreams, Wonwoo..." you whisper softly in your shy, sweet voice before heading off to his bedroom. Unbeknownst to you that as soon as your back is turned, Wonwoo's eyes snap open and his fingers are tracing the stamp of your lips against his cheek. He doesn't have hope in ever falling asleep that night as a blush dusts his countenance and his heart beats a mile per second, grinning like a mad man.

Too hooked up on the kiss you had almost planted onto his lips, Wonwoo abandons all rational and tiptoes into his room, where he finds you sleeping in his bed, right beside the window. You seem to have forgotten to draw the curtains, causing the moonlight to blanket your snoozing figure. You look so gorgeous. Much like sleeping beauty, better even. He can't help but seem to frown at your black eye, however, reaching down to caress your cheek, smiling once again when you lean into his touch and sigh in content. He wants to kiss you so badly and do the job right but his morals just wouldn't let him. From an outsider's perspective, he would be taking advantage of you in your sleep; you still have a boyfriend, albeit a horrible one, but a boyfriend nonetheless and he doesn't want to make the situation worse. If he can keep himself from causing you any more problems then he'd gladly stay clear from you to do so. Not fully though, because you still need someone to look after you and he will gladly fill that role. Nothing more, nothing less. With that, he steps away and goes back to sleep on the sofa.

Morning comes sooner than Wonwoo anticipated but he's not complaining as he's awoken in the best way possible - to the smell of breakfast. He can only assume that it's your doing as you're the only other person in his apartment. The gesture warms his heart, especially when he sees you cooking away in the kitchen, where he almost has a heart attack at the sight of you his oversized shirt. He didn't know anyone could look so good in just a simple T. The scene is very domestic, something he's always craved despite his horrible first love experience. He has never been good at cooking or eat appropriately so he really can't be blamed for falling for you even more.

In his mind, Wonwoo has a debate on whether or not he should alert you of his presence but he decides against it; you look so comfortable cooking breakfast and he doesn't want to interfere with that. It only takes a few minutes, however, before you're turning around and getting the shock of your life. The look on your face and your extremely animated reaction has him laughing aloud with his head thrown back.

"I-I hope you don't mind me cooking for you," you blush softly.

"I really don't mind. I'm actually grateful. I don't know when was the last time I had a warm, homecooked breakfast," he takes a seat at the small table in the corner of his quaint kitchen, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I'm the grateful one," you counter, "because you saved me even though it's not all over yet," with the breakfast plated, you move to the table and sit across from him, "I'll make sure to be out of your hair as soon as possible but thank you so much for this, Wonwoo,"

"No, that's not happening," Wonwoo growls lowly, "I don't want you going back to him where you're unsafe and-"

"Wonwoo..." you place a hand over his to calm him down, which you find that he is surprisingly subservient to your touch because his shoulders almost immediately lose their tension, "let's talk about this after breakfast and just enjoy the food, please?" thankfully he agrees but not after apologising.

Breakfast is short and sweet, quiet but still filled with galvanised murmurs about everything under the sun. Soon enough, you're on your feet again, washing up and clearing the dishes together. However, things quickly get serious when Wonwoo sits you down in the living room with an earnest look on his face.

"Why...why do you think he's like this towards you?"

"He used to be a really good guy and I loved him so much..." you sigh, turning your gaze down at your hands folded on your lap, "but he's easily paranoid that someone else will take me away so he's always protective but he's also developed an alcohol problem and was fired from his job quite some time ago so I work to help support the both of us, meaning that I had to drop out," you feel the tears beginning to surface, "That day was the first time he ever got really violent with me...I just hope he gets better because I know he can be a good person," you look up at Wonwoo with hopelessness in your glossy eyes, "right? He can get better again? I know his old self is still inside him somewhere,"

You don't know why you feel so disappointed when Wonwoo gives you a sympathetic look, "I don't think that'll happen any time soon and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, (Y/N), but I think this will only ever get worse,"  you choke on a sob as Wonwoo brings you into his chest, petting your hair as your tears soak into the breast of his shirt. It takes several minutes before you calm down enough for him to feel assured that you won't break down further as soon as he starts talking again, "you can’t stay with someone like him, clearly he doesn’t love you enough to care for you the way someone, who deserves you, should,"

"Where will I go Wonwoo?" your voice is desperate as you look up at him with your button nose coloured a soft pink, same with your eyes, "My family lives hours away and because of him, I’ve lost all my friends…I have no one…"

"You have me…" he reassures, "and I’m more than willing to let you stay with me if you want"

"T-that’s really sweet but…what am I going to do about all the stuff I have at his place?" you want to accept the offer but you seem to be coming up with excuses to stay with Kangdae. You don't know why because it's clear that you do deserve better and that, deep down, you should have left the day things started going wrong.

"Let me handle that, my friends and I can go with you to collect your things so that he can’t get close to you. But, just to be on the safe side and so that you’re comfortable, we can do it when you know he’s not going to be there," all you can do is nod, unable to find the words for how grateful you are and how horrible you feel for not doing what was best for you for so long.

"That’s my girl…" Wonwoo's words send your heart fluttering as he gives you a soft squeeze, still in his arms. Him calling you his sounds so nice, "I'm sorry someone like you is having to go through this"

"I’m just so thankful that I have you by my side…I love you Wonwoo," you're shocked at your own words, frozen in place and mouth left agape. After a long pause, you finally muster up to courage to look back at the male before you, who snaps out of his own daze as soon as your eyes meet.  

"I- I love you too…" he stutters out, leaving the two of you to stare at one another for a moment before turning away with red-hot faces and spinning minds.  

"H-he um..he’s usually out of the house and drinking at 7:30 every night so…"

"O-okay," Wonwoo lets out a shaky breath, heart racing and mind fuzzy, "we'll get your things then,"

After the initial shock of the sudden confession passes, the day goes by as normal - well, as normal as it could with the two of you being bashful at every glance and accidental touch. The two of you expected tensions to rise even higher but things were just kept...sweet. Especially because your boyfriend hadn't even bothered to text you. You can only guess that he had gotten himself super wasted the night before, woke up super late and went off again, thinking that you had already just gone to work early. Many days of not seeing each other passed like that between you and Kangdae, which made you feel even more stupid about how submissive you were to him. Instead of your relationship growing and blossoming into a beautiful floret of unconditional love, it only wilted and gradually atrophied into nothing, dust. There was no love left. And you were foolish enough to stay and believe that Kangdae could get better when you were only being as toxic as he was to himself and your relationship.

You're so glad Wonwoo has convinced you to leave him because you deserved better than that. You like to think that you knew this all along but there's never a problem with someone giving you a soft nudge in the right direction. For you, it was Wonwoo.

"(Y/N), I want you to meet Seungcheol and Mingyu," Wonwoo gestured to two very handsome, very tall and quite intimidating men, "they will be coming with us to get your things," he smiles kindly at you to which you miss the look of absolute shock that passes the two men's eyes, "they're my friends so you can trust them," Looking towards the two once more, you flash a gentle smile, which they happily reciprocate.

"So you're the girl that's swept our Wonwoo off his feet?" the taller of the two cooed, his chestnut brown hair flopping as he gives a little jump of happiness.

"It's about time," the other one smirks, chuckling at the soft glare Wonwoo flashes from behind you, "he needs a girl to distract him from all those books,"

They may be friendly and teasing now but when Wonwoo had reached out to all of his friends and explained the situation, they were utterly livid. Seething with anger, they all volunteered to help. It was overwhelming but it made Wonwoo extremely happy that his friends would be there for, not only him, but also for a complete stranger. Peering down at you now, Mingyu and Seungcheol found an even better reason to help out their friend than his initial proposal; you were just too precious to not help. You were tiny and fragile looking and, although your black eye made them wince, they found your beauty to be just as intimidating as Wonwoo's except that yours was on the other side of the beauty spectrum to their lean brother.

"You live here?" Mingyu exclaimed without thought, causing both Wonwoo and Seuncheol to slap him upside the head.

"Yeah..." you cringe, "I try to keep it clean but it can never stay that way with Kangdae around," you whisper as the three boys nod behind you.

"Hurry and get what you need, Mingyu, Seungcheol and I will keep a lookout," you nod and get to work. There weren't many things that you had to yourself, you actually had to sell a lot online so that you could afford to pay bills. It was funny how this was Kangdae's apartment but you were the one paying all of the electricity, gas, rent, food and much more. It made you laugh humourlessly. You'll never sacrifice yourself for someone like him again.

The time that you had arrived was at 19:40 and you were just about ready to go at around five minutes past eight in the evening. You just have your skincare left to pack before you can be well on your way.

"Who the hell are you?" the drunk voice of your boyfriend screams from within the living room, sending your heart racing.

"We're friends of (Y/N),"

"Where is she?!" Kangdae's voice grows louder and fear grips you around the neck. It was suffocating. This always happened, but when you hear Wonwoo talk back to him, just to sound of your gentle giant's voice has the power to calm you down completely and grow confidence in your heart.

"She'll be coming home with us, I'm afraid,"

"Yeah, she's just here to pack her things," Mingyu explains, putting up a brave face despite being the last person to ever involve himself in fights. He didn't sign up for this confrontation but just remembering the sadness in your eyes behind a purple, yellowing bruise spikes pluckiness within him. This guy was tiny compared to him anyway.

"She's leaving me? Why?! I bet it's because of you!" Kangdae jabs a finger at Wonwoo just as you step into the living room, putting up a valiant facade in spite of your still racing heart.

"Yes, Kangdae. I am leaving but it's not because of Wonwoo. I deserve better than the way you've been treating me. We're over, please don't ever contact me from now on because I never want to see you again," nearing the end of your sentence, you start to sniffle, heartbroken over losing something that could've been so much like heaven. Thankfully, Wonwoo is quick to pull you into a protective embrace just as Kangdae jumps towards your shaking frame. As soon as he tries to jump you, he is pushed back and kept away by Mingyu and Seungcheol. Despairing,  your boyfriend, now ex, breaks down into pathetic weeping. Kangdae begs you to stay, apologising profusely and doing everything in his power to convince you to remain standing beside him but Wonwoo flashes a cold stare as he leads your sniffling form out the door, eliciting more vociferous wails.

"I'm really proud of you, (Y/N)," Wonwoo whispers as he wipes away your silent tears, "it takes guts to face someone you fear and need to break away from despite your history together," you nod, unable to muster up a smile, fully prepared to fall asleep and forget about the world.

The night is luxuriating, where you share three large pizzas and engage in a Disney movie marathon in Wonwoo's living room with Seungcheol and Mingyu. They made you laugh just by being themselves; their dynamic with each other was just so wholesome, full of teasing, many inside jokes, and endless smiles that they made you forget about any fatigue plaguing your bones.

"We need to introduce (Y/N) to the rest of the guys," Mingyu suggests through a mouthful of pepperoni pizza.

"There's more of you?" you tilt your head, smiling brightly as an eagerness fills you in anticipation of meeting the rest of their friendship group.

"There's ten more of us, actually," Seuncheol laughs at your look of shock.

"You can come and join us at our weekly hang out, if you're up to it," Mingyu offers cheerily after finally swallowing his food.

It was nearing midnight when Mingyu and Seungcheol finally make the journey back to their own apartments, leaving you and Wonwoo to go through your night routine together. You were sad to see them go, already feeling attached after just a few hours spent together but their promise of taking you to their next hang out was enough to keep you content for the meantime.

"If you don't want to join us at our hang out, you really don't have to," Wonwoo randomly brings up when you're going about your night routine. When you look up at him, you see his cheeks are dusted a soft pink, which makes you chuckle and raise suspicions.

"Don't tell me you're embarrassed about them, Wonwoo,"

"It's not that I'm embarrassed by them..." he pauses to sigh before continuing as he continues to moisturise his face, "I just don't want them embarrassing me in front of you," that makes you laugh so hard, you almost forget about your black eye and when you scrunch up your eyes whilst laughing, you cut off to squeak in pain. "Are you okay?!" in half a second, Wonwoo was beside you, a hand cupping your face and tilting your head up towards him so as to examine your injury.

"Y-yes, I'm fine, thank you. I'm sorry-" after blinking your eyes several times, you stare up at Wonwoo who had grown silent as he continues to sink deeper into your sweet gaze, the look in his eyes cutting off your rambling.

Was he leaning closer into you?

Were you leaning into him as well?

What's pressing against your lips? Why are your eyes closed?

Oh well...this must be what real heaven is. You don't know how you could have waited and hoped so long for Kangdae to be like this when it only took Wonwoo a few months of getting to know you to become your safe haven.

Several months pass by. In the first, you were adamant at finding your own apartment and moving out so that Wonwoo could have his own space again but fate just wouldn't separate the two of you. There wasn't a single chance that came by for you to get your own apartment so, in agreement with Wonwoo, you decided that you might as well just stay with him. Of course, you let him have his bedroom back while he turned his small study into a room for you. You felt like such a burden but Wonwoo was resolute in keeping you from ever feeling that way for long. It became a routine for you to cook breakfast, which you enjoyed doing because it meant that Wonwoo would leave for his lecture with a full stomach and ready to perform his best, while the two of you worked as a team to make dinner. However, sometimes you would cook it and other times Wonwoo would make something. He was more than eager to show you how much he was able to learn about cooking under your instructions. It never ceases to amaze you with how perfect ever new dish turns out despite cooking being such a new dexterity for the male. You're so proud of him.

Getting to meet the rest of Wonwoo's friends, you were accepted into the circle right away. Never before had you felt so much love and happiness. They treated you like the sister they never had, cooing at you and spoiling you rotten, standing behind the reason that you deserve it for being so adorable. On the other hand, such good treatment doesn't come without its downsides as the boys practically teased you and Wonwoo into going out together. It was a silly idea. A very silly idea that ended with you and Wonwoo surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) getting together.

It was hard at first, seeing as you had just gotten out of such a calamitous relationship with Kangdae, who hadn't stopped blowing up your phone the first week since you left until you were forced to block his number and get a new one, just to be on the safe side. Your hesitancy, only lasted, however, until Wonwoo was finally willing to let you hold his heart.

"Really?!" you squeal in excitement as the male before you chuckles and goes to fetch his heart.

"Yes, really," he comes back to find you bouncing in your place on the sofa, an image that almost washes all of his nerves away, "it's pretty heavy and isn't very nice to hold at all so be careful, alright?"

"Who cares!" you wave off his worries with the most nonchalant wave of your hand as you reach out to accept his heart of stone. He sits beside you as you examine his heart, running your fingers across its edges as he holds his breath, "Wonwoo," you tut in bluff disappointment, "you didn't have to lie to me," the male sits in shock, eyes wide as he watches you cuddle his heart in your hands. Never before had you looked so endearing, that the usually stoic male leans in to kiss you. He catches you off guard and turns the both of you into flustered messes. Wonwoo can safely bet that the two of you will continue getting flustered even years into the future and he's perfectly okay with that.

It appears as though his heart turns soft and light only for you while it stays substantial in weight on all other occasions. Even though it isn't a permanent change in other situations and Wonwoo still can't wear his heart around with him, he's happy with his heart only turning soft and light in your hands.

As long as you stay with him, he's happy.

As long as you keep turning his heart soft and light, he's happy.

As long as he has you, he's happy.

masterlist / seventeen hearts m.list