#its everything 2 me you dont understand
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nerdyqueerr · 7 months ago
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The Amazing Devil truly knocked it out of the park with Fair in terms of love songs i mean its got everything. Domesticity, deep adoration, confessions of love when youre sure no one else can hear, a that's what she said joke, yogurt, genuinely dont think there's a more romantic song on the face of the earth
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mossy-aro · 3 months ago
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
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faaun · 7 months ago
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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7roaches · 10 months ago
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sorrry ppl who donr follow me for utmv dtuff & sorry canon-strict ppll but nm & killer r soo incredibly important to me can u imagine being the embodiment the literal proof that there is bad and pain in this world or being the loowest of the low & then you have a silly bestfriend who u loveclove love lovr love so mjch & ur so fucked up u dont know where u end & your reluctant life purpose begins but u have a silly bestrfriend who wraps your wounds and youure all he reallyneeds & hes all you really need do you get it. do you get it. do you get it.
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bulbabutt · 6 days ago
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i sure hope as a second mass exodus from twitter occurs (along with the overwhelming conservative nature of the world right now) we dont keep getting more people demanding purity culture. you cant demand every pervert on the internet 'kys' or else there will eventually be no one left on the internet. that window of acceptability will always swing back further and further until the idea of sharing a bed as a married couple is taboo once again.
this is one of the last bastions of peace we have where you can post queer or diverse or maybe just weird art without getting spotted by bigoted grifters trying to make money off outrage culture calling you a pervert or worse. and its entirely imperfect as a website with its own fucking problems, but i really hope the people on it dont start getting worse.
i dont care what you do so long as youre kind to others and respect their rights to exist, and their boundaries. that shouldnt be a controversial statement but i bet i lose followers over it again.
it should also go without question that this does not include people who celebrate fascism. those are the people you need to make clear do not belong in your spaces, people who wilfully wish harm on the more marginalized.
and i understand that i keep bringing this up, that i sound like a broken record and perhaps thats annoying, but im honestly worried about it. i think modern social media and the nature of needing to network to be found by an algorithm that doesnt like anything controversial makes everyone worse. makes you try to be as broadly acceptable as possible. but thats always going to be a losing battle as more and more things become less acceptable.
i think a lot of you just might not have been alive before 2008, but anonymity on the internet is so important. it keeps you safe. we lost that at some point, as the socials with your full name and phone number started forcibly adding your boss to your friends list. made everyone start locking down their shit, as a random meme about 'boss makes a dollar i make a dime' can get you fired.
theres a lot of outing and doxxing culture thats so fucking normalized, and as the world grows more hostile to people who make a stink about things, i hope you dont find any excuse to get them hurt just so you can separate yourselves from them. i want you to think about things like the hayes code, where being gay could get you labelled a pervert. so you might think 'its okay ive never done anything inappropriate on the internet' (which, i dont believe you about) maybe not yet, but as the ideals of whats socially acceptable turn back to the 1950s you will have. keeping at a witch hunt looking for anyone with immoral art is only feeding the fire that will eat you later.
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fruity-legos · 2 months ago
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It's hard having a fav character with no content
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sc3n3kitt3h · 2 years ago
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IM LIKE IF A BOY WAS A MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL WAS A SCENE FAG
#SCENE ART#FUNKY COOL ART#T SLUR TW#F SLUR TW#CONTEXT: MY MOM CALLED ME A TRANNY AND A FAGGOT DURING AN ARGUEMENT WITH ME AND HER AND MY DAD#IT DOESNT REALLY BOTHER ME ANYMORE THEYRE DUMB AND CONFUSED AND THEY ONLY LISTEN TO FOX NEWS ABOUT ANYTHING EVER#AND THEY THINK MY BABY FOOD MADE ME AUTISTIC#SO THEIR OPINION ON MY IDENTITY IS STUPID AND WRONG#ANYWAYS I WAS KINDA PISSY ABOUT IT SO I MADE SOMETHING KINDA EZ TO FEEL BETTER AND GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF DOING DIGITAL ART#CUZ IM STILL GETTING USED 2 MY NEW TABLET!!!!!!!!! SIMILAR MODEL SO ITS NO BIGGIE BUT STILL#ANYWAYS IF U COULDNT TELL IM IN A BIG CAPSLOCK MOOD TODAY 4 WHATEVR REASON LAWLZ#ANYWAYS ANYWAYS YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POSITIVE VENT THING IF U WANNA CALL IT THAT#IM NOT SAD ANYMORE CUZ I HAVE FRIENDS AND THEY THINK IM COOL!!!!!!!! AND I THINK IM COOL TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I FINALLY LOVE MYSELF AND ITS SO POGGERS IT WAS SO WORTH IT#AS IN EVERYTHING WAS!!!!!!#AND THIS IS VERY VAGUE BUT THATS FINE CUZ I DONT REALLY WANT ANYONE ON HERE 2 UNDERSTAND LOLZ. OR AT LEAST ALL THE RANDOS FOLLOWING ME#ILY ALL IDK WHO U R THO XD AND U DONT HAVE 2 KNOW MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE STORY#BUT I DO WANT IT TO BE KNOWN SOMEWHERE THAT IM VERY HAPPY AND EXCITED TO BE ALIVE DESPITE EVERYTHING THATS HAPPENED#AS IN EVERYTHING YOU ALL DONT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT#AND I FINALLY LOVE MYSELF AS MUCH AS I LOVE EVERYONE ELSE EVER EVEN MY DUMBFUCK PARENTS!!!!!!!!!#IM SO HAPPY IM ALIVE IM SO HAPPY UR ALIVE TOO :) EVEN IF I DONT KNOW WHO U R (IDK WHO IS AND ISNT READING THIS)#SO I HOPE UR ALL HAPPY WITH URSELVES 2 AND IF UR NOT I HOPE U CAN BE ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND SPEAKING OF DAYS (AS IN 12AM FOR ME AS OF TYPING THIS) I HOPE U HAVE A GOOD 1 TODAY >:D <3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ayyponine · 4 months ago
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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itsseriouslyridiculous · 18 days ago
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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bmpmp3 · 5 months ago
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i totally understand the preference for the sound of concatenative vocal synths vs deep learning based ones (dl i find is often a lot weaker than concatenative, even in voicebanks meant for powerful singing. although they can also be more tonally expressive in ways concatenative struggles with. but of course sometimes you just want the metallic sound which is easier to get concatenatively compared to dl's more autotune-y noise) BUT i do often see people say its because theyre worried about more same-y sounding tuning from the auto pitch creation functions which i get but also it does make me giggle a little because have you forgotten the endless plug-and-play war going on from the past 20 years. have you forgotten the millions of untuned covers uploaded every day since the dawn of vocal synthesis. have you forgotten the autopitchwriter debate. the more things change the more things stay the same <3
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what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque · 5 months ago
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My partner finally finished BG3 but has no idea that his ending was actually bad cause he was a pro-Vlaakith githyanki who rode off with Lae'zel but got NO EPILOGUE where Withers points out y'all died im 😭😭😭
they have no idea what happened with Gale or anyone else (who was still alive) after flying away 🙃🙃🙃
#i cant even tell him cause hes gonna play again more “normally”#its so tragic he would like skip dialogue and just fight to get the jump on boss battles instead of waiting for the cutscenes to start#and he didn't exhaust dialogue trees!! like... how... why...#and also he staked Astarion 😭 and p much never reloaded#and didn't clear the shadow curse so no Halsin#also everyone at Last Light Inn died so Dammon was gone and Karlach only got 2 upgrades#and he didnt know moonrise towers was basically a second town#and his game was buggy a lot maybe? cause he kept trying to be hella creative with things and do things out of order#like killing gortash before doing steel watch 🙃#it's fine it's fine everyone plays differently#he tends to care more about gameplay than anything else but still!!#i just want him to know all the character backstories and see everything that made me emotional#i mean he did say he was sad when Lae'zel broke up with him in act 3 and when Karlach died and when he had Gale use the orb in act 2#which he considered his canon ending :/ sigh#i dont think he got Jaheira's lines about death#and he didnt understand why Karlach wouldn't go back to the hells#and he thought Wyll was happy being the duke (and has NO idea you could save his dad cause the mission didn't happen!! 😭)#the iron throne was like my fave mission outside of killing Cazador and I can't discuss either one cause he didn't do them properly yet 😭😭#he also avoided talking to children so he missed those quests and yenna glitched so no cat appeared in camp 🙃#sighhhhh cannot believe he plays so differently than i do lollll#he didn't even do unlimited kisses with Lae'zel!! meanwhile im over here kissing Astarion every night hahahah#hoping my partner doesn't see IRL if I have the office door open as if it matters lmfaooooo#i need him to play again and see why im in love with a video game character lol#maybe we could both um... benefit from knowing more about all of Astarion's scenes lmao#but like he has NOT SEEN Astarion's silly or sweet side yet just him being a bit of a chaotic vampire#and thinks i like him cause of vampires WRONG!! play the game again and see that i love his silly & sweet real self!#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3#baldur's gate 3
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liedownquisition · 6 months ago
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I'm so tired.
Bonus meme under cut:
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This is both for him in general (or at least the fanon version dominating fics) and extra for him as Robin specifically tbh. Let him grow up and find an identity outside of being Bruce's emotional support child. It's not like it's actually helping anymore anyways.
#I really minimized the fanon Tim things in there.#Not the least of which including making their age difference wider so Jason can angst over beating up “a kid” despite only being 2 yrs apar#Overemphasizing Tim's “genius” and making Jason stupid & incompetent & everything he does is wrong#Skewed interpretations of the emotional & moral conflict in UTRH/between Jason & Bruce that somehow Tim fixes#Ceo Tim Drake “boohoo Dick wouldn't believe me that Bruce was alive (tho I never actually gave him my evidence abt that)”#WHICH FOR THE RECORD EVEN TIM HAD DOUBTS ABOUT HE JUST HAD TO BELIEVE OR ELSE HE'D FALL APART.#LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF RED ROBIN IS STRUCTURED TO CAST DOUBT ON TIM'S JUDGEMENT THE WHOLE TIME.#ITS NOT LIKE THIS KID DOESNT FAMOUSLY HAVE A HISTORY OF NOT TAKING GRIEF WELL. GESTURES AT THE FAILED SUPERBOY CLONES.#Sidenote I saw a post about ignoring that Tim was a sexist earlier on in his comics & tbh I think youre only allowed to do that if you dont#Woobify him. Like if you want to ignore that but overfocus on every bad thing ppl have done to him then fuck off#Also have you considered that him being sexist but growing out of it is a POSITIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC that could be interesting?#Wally for example had some really bigoted views bcs of how he was raised but grew out of & its why I always loved him#Frankly if you want to talk about Jason doing unforgivable injuries on the younger kids let's go to Battle for the Cowl#But then you'd have to scknowledge bad (worse) things happened to Damian too & Timmy isn't special now wouldn't you?#Look I'm not asking for every goddamned fic to be comics accurate but can we just not commit character assassination so consistently#That it's fucking impossible to find fic that *isnt* like that?#Fuck I don't even understand how people find this version of Tim engaging. It's funny for memes but an actual plot?#Managed to switch my “I think Tim is a little boring (neutral to affectionate)” to “I think Tim makes things boring (derogatory)”
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rapidhighway · 6 months ago
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I miss nine and ten so bad I'm gonna be sick no one did it like them ever again ououuughhhh
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kathrynmjaneway · 7 months ago
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#still wild to me that i am in a relationship#itll be 3 months next week and i am obsessed with him than ever#i never couldve imagined itd actually be like this but it is literally everything i ever wanted#hes sooooo kind#and sweet and i could gush about him all day long#i mentioned in front of two of his friends how im planning to buy a ps5 in the next couple months bc i only have Nintendo consoles#and i wanna play other games#and his two friends where like well why arent you getting a gaming pc?????#important note here: they all are gaming nerds and they are all like IT guys incl my boyfriend#and i explained that its just the easiest way and that im not really a pc gamer#(but important note here is that my bf has hi gaming pc set up on his tv and plays with a controller exclusively and i do vibe with that)#and then all 3 basically were like we will literally build you a gaming pc ourselves so you dont buy a ps5!!!!#that was 2 days ago.#yesterday my boyfriend showed me his research into possible gaming pc set ups for me that would be within a certain budget#while still being definitely more than good enough#and he explained some things to me and asked my opinions#and now im sat here like ok 🥺#i think ill let my boyfriend build me a gaming pc#mind you i wasnt planing on getting a ps5 before fall the earliest bc im planning on moving soon and money and all that#but hes already planning and gathering ideas#while still understanding why i initially wanted a ps5 (less money and i have no idea about gaming pc set ups) and leaving it fully up to me#i am also now at exactly 100 hours into elden ring with him as my backseater#which means end game shit#i am currently switching between trying to win against Malenia Mogh lord of blood and radagon#its........ going#i maxed out my number of flasks and charges?? is that what its called#and i got my +10 staved and sword/catana#its still super fun but hoh boy#the rush of adrenaline when i finally beat godfrey and my boyfriend was so hapoy for me too it was honestly super fucking adorable#personal
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revvywevvy · 1 year ago
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I've been thinking abt Chip (and my ship w/ him) a lot man (yes more than usual) and cog I love that woman. He's apathetic as hell. He hates a vast majority of people. If you tried to talk to him he'd shrivel up like a prune. He's a terrible boss (mostly the override's fault). He'd want to throw you across the street like an (american) football if you annoyed him. He can be a total bitch (and I love that for him). He could kill you with his face if he wanted to.
Yet if he thought about Chelly for even a second he's immediately a sappy lovestruck mess. He's a total softie. A big 'ol lovey teddy bear. Sure he's keeping a straight face about it and to the outside eye he looks like he's plotting someone's downfall, (If only because if any of his employees saw the mask crack he'd fire them out of sheer embarrassment), but boy is he still a mushy mess!
it is so funny to me that this autistic little creature
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can turn that giant intimidating no nonsense cog into a sweet little lovebug.
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tamagotchikgs · 1 month ago
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i think i exist solely to be misinterpreted i dont know how to actually reach anyone my existence is just people looking at me and & rolling dice 2 see if theyll misinterpret me in a good or bad way && it is almost always bad
#people thinking im rude when i dont even know whats going on im just Standing Here or saying smthn w positive meaning but they dont see it#i have never in my life met anyone irl who doesnt instantly dislike me. and i MEAN that. i am so hateable my existence hits the switch#i dont. do anything i dont have any malice in me at all i try 2 be polite as hard as i can just because thats my default. thats me#i think thats where my ed comes in so hard. its always like well if u just get small enough people will like you. itll give u the chance.#im too big im too much of a nuisance i take up too much space im always in the way i need to be as small and likable as i can or everyone#will always hate me. theyll always despise me and im the reason im the one ruining it#ive only ever had like 2 actual friends (online) they looked at me n went yeah ur cool im gonna see the things u do as endearing & positive#even the one friend i have now constantly thinks im doing things negatively n scolds me for it. .... n man it feels Bad#even my therapist does it#i still think about my first therapist asking me if i think anyone can understand what im saying#maybe they cant#it makes me feel so lost o(-<#do i even exist if i cant reach anyone#i feel like tumblr is the only place i hav where ppl understand me#but maybe thats just because ive gathered a lil community of ppl who see me in a positive light#n thus the things i say r good instead of bad#maybe i dont make any sense and im the only one who cant see it#my bf is the only one ive ever felt actually understands me n i understand them n that does mean the world 2 me#but man. in everything else i am so lost#i am so inhuman and it is obvious#it feels like everyone else is on a different floor level & building than me an im just looking through the window#and theyre deciding whether im a creep or someone gazing out 2 enjoy the day
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