#its def better than getting a company to make them for me

[foxsnails]

i currently have mild nerve damage in one of my fingers bc ive started mass-making stickers by hand, using a scalpel to cut out every single one

i really hope its worth it oughghhg

[soobvape]

heol

[phagodyke]

woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better

[lunarw0rks]

cod dudes with a nurse y/n but make it lowkey realistic: bc lets be real, after a 12 hr shift you do NOT want to hang out with friends, party, or socialize. ur feet hurt from walking and standing all day, your ears are tired from hearing the IV pumps beep all day, and the smell of C.diff makes u want to vomit. nurse y/n just wants to sit down or lay on the couch and be non-verbal... Gaz, price, and rudy are the sweetest. they pick that up real quick after mistakenly asking "hows ur shift" and y/n trauma dumped them for 5 hrs straight. they don't immediately ask for hugs and kisses bc they know u overwhelmed. they just pour u a cup of wine and sit next to you until YOU talk to them first. you lowkey gossip with them on ur day off or randomly be like "omg look at that dude over there next to the parking spot its giving edema". and then theres soap and ghost. Soap is clingy, yall really think hes gonna survive 12hrs of not seeing you? this man was waiting by the door at 7:15 pm. on the dot. wants to hug and kiss you and tell you about his day. but ur just so. fucking. tired. you tried to be as responsive but it always ended up with a tired "mhm". He legit got upset a few times but he'd be a good sport about it tho. eventually he caught on a couple of weeks in and now he just comes and hugs you from behind, kisses ur face, and cuddles you silently (AFTER you throw away ur dirty scrubs and shower. that C.diff smell is yucky yucky). Tells you he appreciates your care and effort for the patients every day :). Ghost.... omgg he said something lowkey offensive to you right after u got home from the worst shift of ur week. and he didnt even know WHAT he said/did, hes kinda bad a picking up ur cues. nurse y/n just turned around slowly, gave him the NASTIEST side eye, and stared at him for a good 2.5 min. This man immediately retreated from ur couch to wherever he was b4 like a hermit going back to its shell lmao. 2 hrs later you find a small written note and ur fave gurl dinner on the dining table.

Alejandro..... this man is SO PROUD of his s/o being a nurse. hes showing you off every chance he gets!!! He takes Nursing week SERIOUSLY. give you massages, spas, gifts, ect. but he doesnt get how tired and overwhelmed you are. you have to physically tell him to stop asking or letting his family asking medical question. "No ale. I will NOT look at auntie's mole on her stomach. when im off the clock im OFF THE CLOCK :("

Valeria threatens to beat up the management for you lol. she hates how you get treated by them sometimes. you didnt get the recognition you deserve. Def bosses her cartel men around to buy you gifts and such. one time she organized a whole day to spoil and pamper you. she gave you her own version of Daisy Award 🥺💞 Konig observes and internally analyzes ur every move. he panics tho. like "OMG she home but she already has a bottle of wine its different from the one she had yesterday.. omg omg she didnt even say hello that means her shifts was extra shitty today.... why is she sipping on the wine for so long and the last sip is longer than all previous sips........" He eventually learned you just need silent company. you were laying on the bed feeling burned out when he came over with some soup, kissed ur hand, and wrapped you in a blanket burrito :).

ah, realistic nurse!y/n. this is a breath of fresh air for me.

they're all trying their best. and honestly, what better pair? they also have an overstimulating, kinda gross (blood and bodily fluids), exhausting career !!

it's a match made in heaven !! (aside from the whole... miscommunication and barely seeing each other thing. but what's a good ship without some gut-wrenching angst?)

[k2ntoss]

so my day literally just started, like im on my way to uni for my classes rn (which btw kinda sucking rn cuz its literally -40°C out), but i have so much jason brain rot i need to share

- jay absolutely would get a kick out of flirting like hell but would also immediately go redder than his helmet if it got turned around on him (he'd be so cute, i love flustering men lmao)

- i am in love with your idea of him just utterly messing around with constantine's sidekick!reader like yes, peak comedy right there, but also i think he'd be so so just heart eyes, fully entranced watching them do their magic especially for the first time

- i keep having this image of messy haired jason just curled up in bed, reading his favourite book and it's golden hour and he's wearing glasses (for actual sight purpose or for aesthetic only idk) but the sunset's making him all glowy and majestic and ugh i wanna play with his hair so bad

anyway that's it from me for now lol

-🦊

i kinda miss going to uni MMMM but anyways how tf are they making you go with that weather????? i would def throw myself on fire, in my country 24° C is already a bit cold....... (we do live in hell, yeah)

now thanks for sharing now i feel the urge to kiss your brain, please

i can totally see jay being all shy when he is indeed flirting with you because he does likes you so as soon as you call him "pretty boy" for the first time he's about to explode !!!! does he even needs the red helmet to be called red hood???

AND FUCK YES, HE WOULD BE SO STUNNED AND UHHHH i can totally picture jay sitting there listening to every story you have, to every adventure you've lived with constantine and he's so into listening to you he smiles widely because you sound so passionate about it i want to cry i need him so bad to be my bf and i– 😭

okay........ okay i can can i mmmmmm i can get why, just him being all cozy and calm, reading because he's so into the book almost as if nothing else around him existed besides you, he enjoys reading while your fingers brush his hair and your nails scratch his scalp, he can even feel himself getting sleepy but the book is just so good and your company makes it even better

dear 🦊 anon, please keep the jason brain rot strong, do this for all of us make the world a great place (plus have a good day, hun)

[okkos-ferrum]

Hot take maybe but like i feel the vile crew are a much more fun, dare i say, dynamic of a dynamic.

Like dont get me wrong i think zack and ivy are a fun duo that contrast carmen's badasssery with player acting as intel and shadowsan as a stoic support

But antonio, jean-paul, gray, and sheena (mime bomb too ig??) played off carmen better. (Tho to clarify not at all saying the writers shouldve had carmen hang around vile instead, they def were all bad influences on one another due to vile)

Like to me, cuz carmen is the mainly hyper-competant moral good of team red, she somewhat stands alone for it. Player is highly specialized, while idk what zack and ivy contribute specific to the team aside from extra manpower. Shadowsan may rival carmen in skill, but he has his own mistakes he's working to fix, so he's in no moral place to argue against her. As much as team red is filled with good wholesome family moments, carmen still feels kinda treated as the leader, and thus, seperate from the group. I wish sometimes there would be a conflict (no im not including the s2 conflict with the car and stuff idk that one was too inconsequential to me) between team red splitting hairs on how to approach a problem. Itd add some variety to each specific relationship carmen has with each rather than a generic friendly terms

The vile crew works as a more entertaining group cuz there are actual unique dynamics carmen has with each of the group members, as well as the group members themselves having unique relationships with each other. For the first point, cuz everyone is on the level playing field of some kind of competant thief, its not like carmen has the immediate, no-questions-asked role as the leader. Theres more of an underlying feeling she had to make a good impression aside from her skills to gain their respect, which to me is more realistic than zack and ivy suddenly attatching themselves to a then dismissive but skilled carmen during the boston caper. Like as contrived sheena just being a hater to carmen is, theres still something interesting abt her still tagging along with carmen as a reluctant friend/rival. As such, it challenges carmen to show a different side to her, like her constant need to prove herself, to the forefront, which in turn, helps also flesh carmen out more. In comparison, antonio is quite the opposite, being literally so nice to everyone regardless, which also makes him stick out (like for example, in the cs interactive game, he will readily help carmen out if u choose him to be an ally)

Each character in the vile crew have also unique groups. Unlike one blob of general friendliness like team red (aside from the over it dad energy from shadowsan lol), we see that antonio and jean-paul have a closer friendship within the group, similar to how carmen and gray also have a closer bond. Tell me the unique relationship zack has with player that is different from how anyone else treats player? Like its not much.

Theres def more banter within the vile crew as well, with sheena always being the sour one of the group. Moreover, there is the group collectively finding mime bomb to be the "weird guy in class" that is so endearing to me. They all challenge each other, like how they all judge gray's pun vile name, or how they sometimes make fun of sheena during their first mission. Yet admist all that, they still care and enjoy their company together, as seen with them still reminiscing the water balloon prank in season 4 or how antonio and jean paul are relectant to fight carmen the first time they see her again.

Idk i find it so funny how the show was able to make the vile operatives so endearing as characters, especially in comparison to tesm red whos a bit lacking

[milfygerard]

Do you think Gerard's comics are good? I haven't read all of them. I felt like the story doesn't really wrap up well and make sense good in the Killjoy comics or Umbrella Academy but maybe comics are just like that. Maybe they were imitating other writers I don't know about and I'm missing context. What are your thoughts

anon i am so deeply biased towards gerards comics but YES i do think theyre good! I think lots of the critiques are fair but i also think it leads to the fandom kind of underrating him as a comic author at times and dismissing the work out of hand. I especially see this for umbrella academy and to answer your other question yes i do think some of it is a matter of missing context! TUA was never...really made to be a popular and commercial comic? The satire and style are very inside baseball, mostly about x men, as well as later leaning more into a silver age style of both writing and illustration (which is why im soooo obsessed w hotel oblivion guys its so goood its so good i swear)

When it comes to other comic runs, I'd say killjoys comics tend to be the messiest but they are also deeply meaningful to me wnd natuonal anthem is so fucking gorgeous and interesting (controversial but im a natam ending defender even if i think the comic itself couldve used another issue or 2 to push the character writing more). I think gerard has one of the better doom patrol runs, Including milk wars i'd put it up there at maybe 3rd or 4th depending on how much i let personal bias into the equation. However doom patrol is also very Like That just as like a superhero group and can be kind of impenetrable if you arent down for genuinely bizarre and sometimes seemingly nonsensical writing, its kind of apart of the teams DNA as the "worlds strangest heroes". Milk wars is soso good and maybe one of my favorite Comic Things gerard has made/been involved with but its also best with looots of comic context bc its playing w both doom patrol history and the context of where DC as a company was during the time of its release. Its still relevant in many ways but probably feels impenetrable if you arent already into comics at least a bit.

Gerards style def isnt for everyone (and they do sometimes get bored and cheese the ending a bit though i defs tend to like them more than other ppl do) but i do think theyre extremely good at what rhey do and im soooo excited for paranoid gardens especially bc 1. gerard has always taken an extremely empathetic and nuanced and honest approach to writing about mental health and mental illnesses bith real and semi fictionalized and 2. the artist on board is an industry mainstay and has made some fucking incredible work! I didnt love the first issue cover dropped and was worried i wouldnt click w the artstyle but after properly checking out chris westons style im really excited!!!! gerard time

[forgottencillian]

OOC | Cillian & Brigit

so!!!! cillian!!!! has!!!! feelings!!! for!!! brigit!!!! and unfortunately he is cruising to make it EVERYONE'S problem smdh hahaha ok so i feel like he's lowkey the laurie to their march girls and if we follow that analogy, brigit is DEF his jo, like, i feel like he grew up w them but it was always a lil different w brigit bc he was always a little bit in love w her, even before he really knew what that meant yknow like she's always just had this special place in his heart but then!!!!!!! she turned him down!!!!!!! w a laugh!!!!!

i deffff think that shut him down hardddddd and, like, he probs tried to play it off like 'hahaha yeah what a ridiculous idea omg imma laugh' but then he was like 'sick for a week' and couldn't come to work bc he was too busy staring into a frozen lake and writing tragic poetry while all his dreams of his future shattered around her (he was def v dramatic abt this to his poor bro idk what to tell you lkajsdlkfjdsjf) tbh, i think he always knew it was doomed bc she was a lady and he was a servant and, like, he was ok w that...(and still lowkey held on to hope bc she was never super conventional and her dad just wanted her to be happy etc etc etc and i think he bounced between whether he thought it was mutual too all the time etc) but then to learn that it wasn't even that standing in their way, it was the thing he had loved most (her laughter) between them just really...wasn't a fun time

once he 'recovered from his illness' he def tried to pretend it was nothing by being in particularly good spirits (supposedly) when she was around, and generally tryna play it cool, but i think he ~does hold her a touch more at arms length emotionally than he ever did before bc he doesn't wanna get hurt again, but he also can't resist being around her bc he still has feelings and, even if he didn't, she'd still be his bff and he will always love her etc and it's just...extremely complicated

anyway, idk how long ago the not!breakup happened? but that would def play a role in ~where he is now~ in this emotional journey, but i can say i do think that cassandra has made it at once better AND worse????? bc, like, its really nice to feel wanted after being rejected etc and he genuinely enjoys her company!!! but then he gets back from that and he kinda feels like a jerk bc he's lying to her and using her to help destroy her fam which is obv not a great (boy)friend move lakjdsfkjldsf but also like there's brigit right there and what is he doing messing around when the person he's always loved is right there and maybe he can still convince her they belong together, and, like, he just feels like hes cruising to get EVERYONE hurt and yeah its a M E S S and i feel like the result is that he just acts kinda...strange, like kinda running hot and cold and its all v emotionally confusing for everyone probably alksdjfkljdsjkf id say im sorry in advance but i know you're not even a little bit surprised me and my characters are out here causing chaos hahahaha

[dangopango00]

COLLEGE BAND AU HEADCANONS

Legato x gn reader

It was pretty rude of me to just randomly put an au fic without explanation so heres the explanation bye still self indulgent; always will be i fear

more utc

- OK FIRST ABOUT HIM. He works for knives still but in this au his job is to cause vash suffering by 😭😭… outselling him??? Ridonkulous ik but go with it

- Knives wants him to outsell vash so vash realizes that art and human creativity is obsolete and instead help him run his tech/AI company that also focuses on helping global warming (humans suck they should die. robots go!)

- Hes apart of a band to rival Vash’s and ofc its the Gung Ho Guns; he hired them to play for him

- Tbh i think their genre isnt set in stone bc theyre purely doing this to outsell vash so I think theyd keep the core of it rock or indie but it has a lot of shifting gears, doing wtv gets the most traction

- Legato is the bassist but he knows keyboard if their keyboardist is absent

- I think legato writes most of the songs himself (to impress knives ofc this is still HIS mission afterall) and gets a lil sad and defensive if it flops LMFAO even if its just his first album; considering how Knives talked down on music Legato thought it’d be somewhat easy

- It DEFINITELY took him a while to write things that had some semblance of humanity in it tbh he had to have either another less emotionally stunted member write it or a ghost writer but he did still practice writing in his spare time since he had nothing better to do

- NOW ABOUT YALL. Ur roommates in a college dorm; if it were up to him he’d have an apartment but knives wanted him to keep an eye on vash and vash lives on campus

- He only has like one or two official rules as roommates but if ur pissing him off with sth thats not on the list he WILL let u lnow LOL

- The only rules established off rip are:

1. MYOB

2. Do not touch him (no tolerance rule if u touch him without permission he WILL be out of there asap even if its a lot of trouble and will probably even idk push u or sth ignore u forever, hope and pray on ur downfall idk its hard to translate his violent tendencies to modern society without getting him arrested ok)

- You often eat together when he isnt busy tbh usually in silence but its ok its comfortable silence (to him at least)

- Ok im gonna try to say this in the least creepy way possible but like. He likes to observe you for inspiration HEAR ME OUT. Just seeing u go about ur day and since hes always in first person POV seeing someone else just… live gives him immense inspiration on what to write

- He also gets inspo from other artists and heres where u come in hehe. You are a solo artist who doesn’t show your face and your speaking voice is pretty much completely different from ur singing voice (Not like insanely different but if you heard the two separately you wouldnt really connect the dots unless ur one of those people who connect voices easily + depending on ur genre u could be using a completely different tone of voice than usual)

- Your genre is a little similar to Legato’s in the fact that although you keep your core component (Love theme IMO but hey i dont make the rules yes i doo) you change around the other moving parts such as the instruments or wtv so he listens to your music often though he never really thought it would be you; just never really thought about the possibility

- Im not gonna say hes like obsessed with your artist persona or anything but he does (as much as he would rather khs than admit it since according to Knives music is the bane of this world) greatly enjoy your music and often finds himself getting your songs stuck in his head

- Hes def a gatekeeper i mean this is the guy who can name every song in ur discography (Not saying much though since you dont post too often)

- ANYWAY u have no idea this is going on since hes prone to just listening to music in his headphones rather than showing you or blasting it for the world to hear so ur relationship is developing as normal roommates

- You often get him stuff from the college snack shack and in return he often gives u whatever he doesnt want from the dining hall (that sounds crappy but its usually good stuff like ur fave fruit or cheese and crackers or sth)

- After u become a bit closer going on trips together becomes common not like vacation but like a little drive to a department store or him taking you with him to practice/performances

- SPEAKING OF PRACTICE U work part time at a coffee shop and it has a practice room which is where he usually brings his band it sounds random but I’ve encountered a coffee place like this before ok

- Killing two birds with one stone, he gets to see you on his way in and out and he gets a quiet place to practice + Vash often brings his band here too so ig killing two birds and one afterthought with one stone

- Other GHGs (NOT greenhouse gasses. Gung ho guns) think that ur another one of his groupies probably 💀 he def has tons i fear

- He def writes songs about you or rather than about you, references how u make him feel but he is in denial and thinks feelings are embarrassing so hes just like no they just gave me inspiration

- Its ok though the only one he has to justify himself to is himself bc hes like. The only one who knows its about u since his songs are never rlly about romance and in the rare cases that they are its very subtle

- When, if ever, he feels ready for touch he frames it like hes doing u a favor lmao “I will allow you to (blank)” he is tbh

Random Misc:

- Hes majoring in Ecology or Conservation Biology prob minoring in sth like computer science (his entire life surrounds Knives what did u expect)

- Sleeps in his daytime clothes and ur always like ???? Esp bc he wears jeans often… U two went to the department store one time and u convinced him to let u buy him pajamas so he could wash the day clothes overnight

- Hes a big ass fan of vinyls and cds and just physical ways of owning things like music or games but wont admit to himself he likes it its just for the aesthetic ok even though he has a record and cd player

- Wants to cut ur hair and feels like its one of the most intimate things u could do without having to touch too much (forever subscribed to knives cut his hair hc)

- If u have a lot of accessories and generally just a lot of stuff he gets annoyed if it isnt properly organized and will organize it for u wnv hes having writers block

- If ur an artist he has u make his merch designs n stuff 😍😍 he pays very generously he rlly dgaf abt money tbh + Knives sponsoring him

A/N: irrelevant but idk whether to imagine him as tristamp or trigun design like both are so good but Ok im done yapping ty

[neoneun-au]

thought i'd catch up on ur feed bc i havent been on here in a while and why'd i think our age gap was smaller than it actually is 😭 i thought it was like 7 years NOT 10 (TEN)!!!!!!!!!!!!! i had to sit for a few minutes on that.

anyways that top 100 playlist! Was not expecting blood by day6 to be the song on there but i feel like it is a very you choice. i wouldnt have guessed it, but thinking about it..... it makes sense. also bc i like hearing your perspective on things, i wanna know your take on what Jae has been saying in interviews recently. idk if you saw but he said he feels bad that they named the album fourever and he thinks its the company's way of getting closure (?? very questionable imo but thats what he said). i have been feeling kinda bad for him ngl lol

and speaking of other peoples weddings!! I C O N I C ! i literally recc'ed it to one of my friends that is getting into svt and wanted fics to read. its 1 of 2 svt fics that i read and still remember to this day. and she was asking me for wonwoo recs too so i will def be letting her know about ur newest one!!! which i dont think i have read even before the rewrite so that is what i will be reading before bed tonight 😁 i also see u have quite a few newer fics which is awesome! i'm eating good for the next couple days

other than all that, i hope you've been well! <3

HAHAHAHA thats SO fair yeah a lot of people thought i was younger than i am, even in person i get that often so i must have some sort of youthful air lolol

blood by day6 was the reason i had to include bsides in consideration because it is one of my all time (clearly since its on the list lolol) faves, i listen to it SO much and i was never a massive day6 fan in general. i liked them but it was more casual. but that song??? im in a committed relationship with that song

i havent seen the interviews with him but going off what you're saying i can see where hes coming from. i mean obviously the whole situation that happened was because he was mentally fucking going through a time and he got a lot of shit for it (some warranted some not). i do feel bad for him tbh. i dont know that its the company's way of getting closure necessarily but for sure there is some thought there to at least shutting down what i imagine are consistent comments about jae and if hes coming back. if i were in his position i think i would feel pretty hurt by seeing how easily cast aside i am, but its also like...unfortunately the reality of kpop?? but i get where hes coming from and it would suck to be in his place. im sure he also is at a place of realising the mistakes he made personally as well. tough

eeeeeeee !! it is so funny to me how that on exploded so much and im glad people still love it at a level that i really never thought any of my fics would reach :')) i think the wonwoo fic is better in general now post rewrite so im curious to hear what you think about it !!! and your friend if she reads it hehe

[cassketti]

Tbh… you should totally drop your adrian shephard headcanons pls……..

OWCH OW OW OFYCK FUCK FUCK CRAMPS OCUH OC WO OWWWW

- filipino. hehehHAHAHAHAHA 🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭

- He doesn’t know how to speak tagalog. Just picked up some words and phrases that his parents said.

- Agender. Lmfao. Aro bisexual

- I’ve been kinda thinking abt what his typology would be. Whats there to even type LMFAOO. But ermm. I’ve been thinking sp7, sx6, 8fix, 3fix. He’d def be like a 3V tbh.

- His spore launcher grew up. YAYY!!! Spore launcher, erm, shock trooper, acts like an angsty teen now.

- Adrian: ya man so like. I would be carrying this baby alien around with me and he SPITS OUT FUCKING uh FRUIT GRENADES AND SHIT like thats fucking sick man wish I can spit out fruit grenades Shock trooper: ddaaaaaad, ur embarassing me.. 😡😡😡

- But they’re both happy they were able to reunite <:3 HEHEHEHEHE

- Adrian was in stasis all like “that mf BETTER NOT BE DEAD.. THAT WAS MY SSON…..”

FUCK OW OW OWWW

- i hate his cannon (ish?) personality. Tf u mean “adventure”?? Acting like ur going to a field trip and shit. Omfg.

- That being said. He does try to look for opportunities of “adventure”. Type of guy to purposely get himself lost. Like he’d be walking home and go “damn bruh what if I just went a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT route than I usually do”. Chris McCandless ass 😭😭

- I feel like he’s the younger sibling 💀💀LIKE THE TYPE WHO ACTS MORE CHILLER AND I GUESS MORE MATURERER THAN THE OLDER ONE. Mitchell tries so hard to be like a role model for him but adrians jus chilling

OW

- (This is after like stasis. So like, hl2) hates being in the dark (literally). Hates being alone too. He’s not like super duper social or anything but he tries to surround himself with people or at least someone to keep him company.

- Touch starved, lmfao.

- Foams at the mouth at the sight of grass and light /j

- He gets overwhelmed (physically) easily. Light gives him a headache. He notices sounds more.

- Adrian’s upset that his home is kinda, gone. And he feels rlly homesick and there’s nothing he could do 😭😭😭 bro came back from 20 years of the void and he finds out that everything has completely changed.

- Cuz like. In his years of stasis he was fantasizing about being back at Earth and what he would do again, then he comes back and ITS TERRIBLEEE 😭😭😭

- Hungry. Appreciates his meals alot more than he did before. I mean who wouldn’t, look at WHAT EARTH IS IN HL 2. THE COMBINE FOOD IS NASSSSTTYY AND SOME PEOPLE BE JOINING CIVIL PROTECTION FOR IT.

- this isnt an adrian shephard hc. But like i like to think rebel bases has like those filipino tricycles, the ones with a motercycle attached to like a cab. Yk? Alyx rides on them a few times. Hc she’s also (partially) filipino 🇵🇭🇵🇭

- he used to be kind of a germaphobe. Bro washed his hands two-three times for more than 20 seconds each. Like he’d wash his hands and go “damn wait a minute what if I didn’t wash it enough. One more time just in case.” He carried hand sanitizer with him everywhere. Washed his face and doused himself in lysol disinfectant spray whenever he came into contact with something that “just felt dirty”. Wiped down his belongings after someone borrowed it. Tried not to open doorknobs directly with his hands as much as possible. Used to be hesitant on petting stray animals. He grew out of it, eventually. Lol. Such a 1F (ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO)

- I mean he’s an animal person tho. That’s just a collective agreement at this point. That mf liked animals. He likes otters. The spore launcher reminded him of an otter.

- Hated being seen as weak or pathetic. Tries to make himself important. Hates people seeing him emotional. Tries to act calm and collected and shit. He doesn’t know what he’s doing most of the time.

- Likes journaling. I do too. He glues scraps and other stuff on a page when he didn’t feel like writing.

- Feels like he failed something. Like he could’ve reached his fullest potential but didn’t. Erm. Wasn’t able to at least.

- gman bullies him cuz he thinks it’s fucking funny as hell. Like, just do things that would inconvenience Adrian slightly (not rlly slightly). Like gman moves furniture precisely where Adrian would hit his elbow really hard, flinch and turn around really fast, then hits his head on another piece of furniture, then he falls over and hit his back on the edge of a chair.

- Gman would abruptly teleport next to adrian, trip him over, then immediately disappear right before Adrian could get up.

- Yk. Stuff like that.

- Adrian’s lowkey scared of gman. I mean shit I would be too if I was him. He’s scared that gmans gonna come in and ruin everything for him. Gordon is too, I could go into detail and my gordon hcs I literally have notes for it. anyways.

- He dyed his hair blonde

Theres more buuut WHATEVER. Some of these dont even rlly have an apparent reason I jus be like “ya this got to be adrain shephard” and believe its true

Part 2 if someone asks this question again FILIPINO EDITION🇵🇭🇵🇭😇😇/j

[jinkicake]

BIG MOOD PATHETIC SCARAMOUCHE IS SO FUNNY HES RLY THE LITTLE MEOW MEOW😭 need him to be absolutely obsessed w me but he’s too embarrassed that he wants to hold my hand so he pretends to hate me and im like “ that’s mice sweetheart what di you want for dinner?” Saw someone make a dc where you ignore him for like 5 days and he’s on his knees begging like “PLEASE LOOK AT ME” like thats so real to me😭😭 bc once you’ve given him affection he’s gunna do everything to keep it within his grasp😔 ALSO HE DEF WOULD TIE YOU UP AND LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN💀 childe and singora are so casual about it😭 when he comes back they talk like you’re not even there “how long have they been here?” “I lost count after the fourth hour” “ they’re still conscious I’m impressed” like he’s such an asshole but he will do the 🥺🥺👉🏼���🏼”can I have a hug” afterwards💀 love that for him. Keeps him in my pocket like a little purse dog, he’s my guard dog boyfriend bc he will kill first and ask questions later. “ I don’t like how he looked at you” “he’s the waiter” AND YOOOO DONT EVEN LET DOTTORE UGLY ASS COME CLOSE TO YOU ITS OVER FR-don’t like his new design he’s just a creep like I was the “clones” back the short haired funny scientist dude like I like them unhinged in a clown way!! He’s fuckable, the abusive leather daddy dom on the other hand😒 like he’s fun if he has a tired annoyed uncle personally like he lives to bully childe. But just going around threatening scaramouche and collei bc I forgot he did experiments on her too in the manga is musty like that mask is lame!! WHERE IS THE CLOWN KING😡- he would reflexively go for his throat like he opens his mouth and suddenly his throat is slit “ my bad I got anxious” SGDHSHS UNDERSTANDABLE😭😭😭 and the streets is saying he’s gunna have a claymore??? BE SERIOUS HES A SCIENTISTS TWINK WHOS HUNCHED IVER IN A LAB ALL DAY HE CANT CARY THAT SHIT?? Like he only experiments on KIDS bc he could never kidnap a whole adult like imagine he tries to get itto?? HIS ASS WOULD BE DEAD IN 10 SECONDS!! HE CANNOT FIGHT DELUSION OR NOT!! I would beat his ASS like if you don’t get your ass out my face looking like an X-ray 😒 like be bothering all them people bc he wants so ass he weights 70 pounds soaking wet so he needs to borrow childes body weight

no exACTLY. listen, i love mean!scaramouche as much as the next person but if he's not obsessed then i dont want him. pathetic!scaramouche is the best scaramouche

i saw this scaralumi fanart of him drunk at a bar and diluc calls lumine to calm scara down and when she answers hes like 'hey ugly' and she hangs up and he starts crying again and ugh it's too perfect like that artist captured his best side with that simple fanart heheh

HAHAH yeah scaramouche is the worst bc he would do something so mean to you like ignore you while working but the second he finds out youre mad at him he'll be begging for your attention like he didn't just starve you for two days.... hes a great yandere me thinks-

Scaramouche = purse dog is the best comparison ive ever read T T

okay hear me out... i can forgive all the heinous crimes dottore has committed but i draw the line at him being UGLY. Maybe if he were cuter I would also be obsessed w him but he's so..... eh- LOL i like the clones better than him! (rip to the clones :-(() but also.... him being ugly is kinda the appeal? am i right??? i can never make up my mind-

dottore is supposed to have a CLAYMORE?! WHAT THE HLLL,,,im very confused about his leaks bc i heard that the shit company can't let characters be playable if theyre evil and tbh i dont want him to be redeemed bc he literally cant be redeemed and hes fun as a psycho like??? idk idk idk im just focused on sexy yelan in 3.4 she will be mine!

also isn't dottore one of the top three strongest in the fatui??? right i think....? i seriously dont know how but tbh i dont care! i just focus on mr hottie soooooooooooo sexy capitano teehee

[dojae-huh]

No taeil at all for the highnotes? Even the adlib is by doyoung. Not to mention the bridge only have 2 ppl in it which are bizarre for nct. They always have 3-4 ppl for the bridge. The line distribution for ayyo is a bit confusing. Doyoung did great in his parts but i always don’t feel so good when he is in the spotlight too much in group songs which happens only recently with 2baddies and ayyo. He’s gonna get more hates for sure and it’s not helping that its kenzie. Tbc

I dont mind that he’s favored by kenzie but kenzie’s gotta be fair if it’s a group work no? I dread so much these days when there’s updates for Do work cuz he’ll def get hates no matter what. So i at least donwan him to attract too much in groupwork. Also i can’t wrap my head around the ‘line’ culture in korea. Kyu-line, kenzie-line, yoo young jin-line, that person line, this person line. Isn’t it just favoritism but they openly advertise to ppl in the industry. Tbc

If it’s just same yr line like 97 lines than it’s fine because there’s not much power involved there. It’s just casual friendship. But when it involved seniors, main producers which the head of the line has a lot of power for the followers career, ain’t it just blatant favoritism? Idt koreans think it this way tho cuz it’s normalize in almost every intitution. In companies, you have lines as well. In university you have lines for the professors. It’s just out there in the open.

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(seldom, but sometimes a few anons write at the same time, so it's better to mark parts with 1/3-3/3 or any other way that will allow me to identify the author without mistake. also, how come some anons can send lengthy posts without the need to break them? is it because you have accounts?)

One idol once said about charity and donations that whatever celebreties do, there will be netizens who will not like it. If an idol publicly talks about a donation, he is a pozer and did it only for the good image. If an idol does charity in secrecy, he is a bastard who doesn't care about the poor and those in need.

Doyoung will have antis regardless of number of lines in 127 songs or screentime in MVs. Antis will just talk about his jokes about his friends or him stealing OSTs from others. Please don't wish Doyoung to stay in the shadows in 127. He worked his ass off for the group and constantly upgrades his singing abilities, he earned all the spotlight. And his fans as well.

Doyoung always does adlibs.

I really liked the new roles for 127 neos in Ay-Yo. It is the first time I realy liked Johnny's part as well. I hope he finally gained confidence and SM producers figured out how to include him organically. Mark was singing, Tae was rapping in a new way, Taeil had Do's parts, Jae was the central piece, which is rare actually, Yuta's tone of voice was used well, Woo got a big part, and Hyuk got a small part (after years of songs highlighting him up, it was time to change the recipe).

Neos are parts of a group, it's a unit, not an assortment of soloists, they should get roles according to their abilities and to the structure of the song. SM also incorporates lore, so some members have to sing certain sentences.

Taeil's fans are happy because he got a lot of screentime, by the way. And he sings a lot, so I don't know what Kenzie favoritism you are talking about.

Accept a different culture, anon. Koreans grow up with competition. The marks of students are hung up on the wall in school after each test. Everyone knows who is the best student, and who is the runner up. Koreans need a group to belong to, they don't even eat alone (and can ask a foreigner in uni to sit with them at canteen to not stand out). The first thing Koreans do upon landing in a foreign country is finding a community. Be it a Korean culture club or a Korean Christian society. Koreans who came to my city to study music and knew no English or Russian gave free language and calligraphy lessons in the Korean centre just to be in a group and make connections.

Hyung-dongsaeng culture continue to be strong. Hyungs help dongsaengs. And SM is all about family and artists mingling and interacting. Demonstrating being a good hyung is as benefitial as becoming a dongsaeng.

Connections and favouritism work absolutely everywhere. You must bring letters of recommendation from known and respected names wherever you apply. And people in charge send letters to others asking if they know anyone for the position they'd like to fill.

But here is a thing, one doesn't get favoured unless there is something for the person in power. And seeing how Doyoung is not a talentless kid from an influental family to pay for his career, I don't understand the concern.

97-line has a BTS member. And a BTS member has a lot of power. SM is made of many people who can influence things, even LSM doesn't have the last word. Your logic doesn't work like that here.

[zhuhongs]

I’ve been wondering for some time since I first started following your blog, what made you choose to study abroad in Taiwan rather than Japan? (Feel free to ignore this ask if this is a weird question)

hey, no worries. I'm super cool with talking abt it. So I decided to go to Taiwan for a lot of reasons, some practical, some personal. For the practical side, it was just easier to go to Taiwan at the time I applied, Japan seemed to have this an iron gate on new arrivals into the country and I had applied so many times, I really just felt like Japan would be one of the last countries to open up to foreign exchange students. In comparison Taiwan was more open to allowing students into Taiwan so it was just way easier to get a visa. Second was cost of living, Taiwan is way more affordable than Japan. Third was my own academic path, like I was almost done with my degree, and going to Japan independently as a student was rlly hard. And the language schools were like, not an option. If I went to Japan I'd have to go on a normal bachelors exchange but I had already finished my units so I'd be taking classes I didn't need. (basically prolong my degree when I was eligible to graduate). And the universities I was able to go to all required students take 7 classes plus Japanese and that just seemed far too much to me. I wanted more free time to enjoy living there, not do assignments for classes I don't need. In contrast, I was going to a language school in Taiwan where I'd only be taking classes I wanted and none of my grades would matter bc it wasn't for my degree. When I decided on going on my own to Taiwan I applied for graduation and now I'm just doing this for the skill of speaking Chinese.So the pressure is wayyy less. Also it just makes more sense.

Now onto personal reasons, I just feel like Chinese is way easier and more practical than Japanese. Sure I've studied Japanese longer but honestly since i studied it by myself w/o a teacher I learned i pretty bad and I'd really need to start from scratch if I wanted to speak it well. SO I decided to go to Taiwan for that. Also, like, part of it was the company. I feel like a lot of exchange students who go to Japan (not all, def not all, I've had so many mutuals who've gone and are great) are just... creeps. Like, ofc every country will have the creeps, but I feel like Japan has a higher proportion of fetishists and just creeps that go bc yk, anime. ANd like, the people who choose to go to taiwan are just better grounded. Like all the alumni I've met that chose to go to taiwan were like, just really cool well rounded people, and I'd rather be surrounded by them and not... well. yk. Also, Japanese society is just, very judgy. Like I just feel like I like Japan but not as a place to live. Like all the Japanese students I've met were nice but just, the way they spoke about things felt so, narrow. Like they didn't feel very accepting of a lot of things. I talked to some Japanese expats and my brothers coworker whos from Japan and moved back and they all said like, its really hard to rlly connect with people. Like a lot of ppl are so nice but it always feels like youre bothering them. Idk just, I didn't want to live there. In contrast all the Taiwanese people I've met seemed more down to earth. I understand all of this is anecdotal and not necessarily true but like, I told my japanese roommates abt this. I had this same conversation with them when i came and they were like.. oh no 100%, like we studied abroad bc we feel judged by japanese ppl. So like, not to say it's 100 percent true, its not!! But it is a factor. ALso I was just, more into Taiwan. It just felt like a better fit. Also I had friends here, like my cousin, my friends mom, like I had ppl to rely on if I needed and it really came in handy my first few weeks and in japan I really had no one. So for all of that, I came to taiwan. and I don't regret it one bit. Ido think someday in like 2 or 3 years I want to go to live in Japan though. Like do this same thing, go to a language school just for me. Live for a few months and come back and resume life. It's just that rn, Taiwan was the better option.

[jaegerbby]

hello, this is the draken simp from previous asks that accidentally spammed your askbox 😭, side-eying aya in your gojo fic (company) and was super excited, asked questions and briefly talked about your draken fic (triggered) i never ended up labeling myself but ill sign off with an emoji to make it easier 😊 i also apologize for how long this is since i typed it in my notes 💀

this is so late but omg i read triggered (i read it as soon as i got the post notification but didn’t get to formally send a response) and it was brilliant!!

typically i like possessive lovers but in the soft way (bc at least its easier for me read that they like me through their actions and nonverbal/verbal cues) but i did enjoy how you portrayed the possessive traits and how you prefaced the theme throughout your writing

my feelings were all over the place with this one ngl bc i feel like the reader doesn’t really have a stable support system like everyone else for the most part and it makes me sad bc when will reader be loved the way they give love…being a second option really resonated with me bc i’m usually a filler in the lives of others. also fuck both of them fr, idk if emma is aware of the situation but i felt something isn’t right anyway when i was reading it so if she knows, double fuck her too 😭 here’s to draken either getting his karma/reader getting their lick back or attempting to get his shit together bc the road to redemption will def be long)

i loved that mitsuya was there for reader as a friend and genuine support system and that the budding feelings whether they were platonic or not were organic/genuine and allowed reader to not be in a constant state of pain for at least a little bit

the last scene was intense and had me like “huh?!?! wtf…. “ “so does he finally actually love reader bc if he does, i hope he knows that making it up to reader will be extensive due to amount of time he was making reader upset…” bc it almost seemed that way but i was scared of interpreting it wrong??? but then my traumatized ass was like “nvm, it’s a trauma bond and the cycle will rinse and repeat since he was terrible to reader and it’s giving the whole liking someone for the idea of them”. idk who will be endgame or who i want to be endgame personally bc it depends on the rest of the plot. i really enjoyed the way you fleshed out the fic so far; it’s officially one of my favorite draken fics to date <333

i think you said there were two parts so i can’t wait to see what’s next. please make sure to not push yourself too hard as well 💗

-🍯

omg my first emoji anon 🩷

sorry for the late response

in triggered it really was about portraying the misbalance in a toxic relationship. and how irredeemable draken's actions are

mitsuya is a sweethearttt ! and again it emphasises someone who cares vs someone who doesn't. but draken is selfish and he can't let yn be with someone else. especially someone better than him

from my experiences as well, the cycle always continues but the dynamic of their relationship has shifted after everything that happened

i can't confirm when the second part will be completed

but i do look forward to more asks from you

[lialuvsaven]

Icymi but also a little rambling about stuff I added here ( let me have this, I've spent more time w a dictionary writing this than I have in my last two years of highschool) and also bc I thought more writing this than I did any essay in my academic life ���😔😔😔

1. The parchment shaped wall clock was supposed to be based on. This curio. I was so entraces by its design I pictured how something similar would look like as a clock (and yes this is a curio but it's weird looking enough that you can find it in some empty cardboard boxes or in the trash)

2. The soup made with nettle leaves- is inspired from Cignidaki zumi— an actual Romani dish, soup made with stinging nettle leaves. I found a bunch of romani recipes but this one really caught my eye bc we have stinging nettle plant here I didn't know u can eat them until now.

3. The pink diamond bit is from the jade's timeline thing hsr posted a while ago ofc, I wanted to see a follow up on it and didn't get it so I made my own reality. I don't think finding out his birthday would take jade much effort bc A. The reports mention the avgin extinction being on their religious festival kakava and. His name is kakavasha. B. But other than that, checking his files (esp in the beginning) I like to think the system is advanced enough that it automatically concerts various dating systems and such (they're modern Enough to have the synesthesia beacon)

4. The corundum stone (god BLESS finding a stone similar to his eyes took YEARS OFF MY LIFE) it has other colors? Don't worry. Hsr has better gemstones. We can't even get the diamonds from Uranus.

5. I have.... negative feelings about jade, if you couldn't tell. I tried not to make her like a completely evil lady, but given how she did call him to "talk" post penacony main quest in canon (it had layers too) I like to think between his whole thing in penacony and later actions she thought he might need a reminder. And shed know to pick a good time.

6. virtually no way for the reader to know his personal info if he doesn't give them UNLESS she knows someone like Jade. Had they asked topaz, she'd tell them that he doesn't like it (bc the stonehearts' birthdays and such are an occasion for a party/dinner/ etc, upper class socializing stuff (that is important to the business and cause) but aventurine doesn't do THAT even tho he does throw those necessary parties anyway. So it's obvious that he. Doesn't like celebrating it at least if nothing else. Later scrapped that cuz.... that's a lot of thinking

7. I thought of adding the catcakes bc cats (pets) are a great source of comfort for So many people. And they're incredibly good at sensing human emotions. And (canonically) they're said to be as intelligent as a 6 year old so. The catcakes remind him of food when aventurine is lost in his thoughts (and it doesn't feel like it's pleasant), to distract him and direct him towards a task. They all gather around him when he starts drinking bc while they likely don't understand the concept of drinking well they DO know he's distressed, so keeping him company to help him. They'd be a little freaked out to see him emotional I imagine, bc that's not something they ever saw (hence the immediate nervous attempt at comforting by nuzzling into him) I looked up how real cats act to write this and now I want a kitty do bad 😞😔

I also like. Didn't keep them in focus at all bc like....he's not in the headspace to think about them much. But they keep showing up bc that IS his family, too .

8. Dismissing a comforting smell as a potion seems something he'd do. There's actually an all good potion ( consumable) in hsr and while THAT one didn't end up in the market there's def similar stuff already. I imagine something that makes hospital food feel comforting for the patients would be popular, hence that conclusion

9. Kakavasha's shoes . I actually thought they were different when I wrote this but later realized that they seem ....to be modified. Mended maybe? But yeah. Only a pair of shoes

10. His mother smells of creosote bush. This species is found in the deserts of southwestern North America, and is said to smell of the desert rain. For a child who was blessed by rain on his birth day I think his mother likely smelt of rain, too.

11. I wanted to add in a scene with Aventurine's secretary to show she really NEVER looks at his eyes because they're. Usually seen as freaky and odd by people. And paired with the discomfort itself, she'd naturally be more careful to not do that to not offend him (him being her boss and. Because he knows how everyone sees them.) not like that's what HE wants, but what she assumes. But I decided to scrap that lol

12. Also he only managed to cry that much bc he was inebriated lol I don't think he'll ever cry like that otherwise (plus his house is empty so he doesn't have to hide it(

And I wrote down about him still remembering the painful memories with his family (while he tries to forget the extinction event desperately) bc he needs to Preserve their memory and spent like 10 minutes thinking about it preservation.... preservation....

But anyway that's about it!!

Happy Birthday, Aventurine!!

“Aventurine always tries not to remember. He's never synced the Sigonian calendar system to check the date in trailblaze calendar, never makes the mistake of dwelling on the memories surrounding this day— even when he's too drunk to remember his own name. Done everything possible to not acknowledge it; because this day feels like nothing but a curse to him.

Unfortunately, Jade has now ensured that he never gets to forget his birthday, again.”

Pairing: Aventurine x reader

Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Comfort in the end to compensate for everything else ❤️ Reader is not physically present in the fic (they're not dead it's ok)

wc: 3.3k

Aventurine was abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door just as the sun began to slant westward.

With a sigh, he puts down the pen and glances at the wall clock. The hands on the parchment-shaped monstrosity read 1 pm, but his eyes are drawn back to the purple tongue protruding from its massively extended mouth. Seriously, where does Stelle find these items? "An ugly, purple parchment shaped wall clock that looks like it's ready to eat people"— isn't something most people would think to give him, to say the least. But that's the thing—it was Stelle.

She claimed to have found it during one of her "excavations." And even though Miss March 7th did her best to keep her friend from going into further details, stepping on Stelle's toes right in front of him and giving her a sidelong glance, as if he wouldn't notice, he could tell what kind of "excavations" would turn up something like this. Not like he minds the origins of this gift, however. Gifts from friends are few and far to come by, especially ones who actually tolerate him. Not to mention, Stelle likely sincerely believes that it's a cool gift, which is why it has replaced the diamond-embedded wall clock on his wall.

His musings are interrupted by a second knock, which, like the first one, reverberates once around the room before fading away in embarrassment. "Come in." He announces, reclining back in his seat and looking at the door with expectation in his eyes. It was not uncommon for his secretary to appear randomly in his office, constantly fussing over yet another minor issue. He believed it was her; at least, his itinerary showed he didn't have any guest visits today. Maybe it was time to replace assistants—the new hire is clearly not on the same wavelength as him. But he'd only recently had Topaz yell at him for changing staff so frequently; he'd prefer not to tell her that her choice was horribly disappointing just yet.

With a tiny bag bearing a brand he is all too acquainted with, the secretary enters the office. She keeps her gaze fixed on the floor the entire time, hence doesn't notice when her supervisor raises an eyebrow at the sight of his favorite jewelry brand. "Sir," she says in a low, somewhat flat voice, akin to that of a news reporter. "Earlier, a staff of Madam Jade stopped by. You have a present."

A grin appears on Aventurine's face, followed by a joyful chuckle. With how busy work has been lately, he'd almost forgotten when he asked Jade for a pink diamond, as has Jade apparently, seeing how long it's taken for her to send this. His request was a joke, of course, only meant to irritate Topaz. But he wasn't surprised either; Jade always takes good care of her weaponry. "Ahhh, no wonder!" He chirps and presses his palms together. "She must've finally found some generosity in her heart, hm?" He muses, and his assistant can only stand there stoically. He waves her off as she places the bag on his table and departs with an unnecessary low bow, never looking at his eyes once. As always.

When the secretary has left the room, he opens the bag, humming as he removes the box and gift card. Jade's handwriting is distinctive: prim and precise cursive that resembles a font.

"Happy birthday, Aventurine. This jewel would suit you far better than the pink diamond you asked for, don't you think?" — Jade

Kakavasha freezes. His birthday, she says, but she'd need to align the standard calendar system to the Sigonian one to find that out. She sent him a…..….a gift? For his birthday? 

Is this a fucking joke?

The box reveals a chunk of corundum. Raw, uncut, pink and blue hues all over. Shades way too close to his eyes, and it doesn't take a gemologist to tell that Jade had done her searching thoroughly to obtain this. A jewel the color of his eyes, the color of Avgin eyes, neatly wrapped in a box for….to send ..what sort of message, exactly? Oh Avgin, never forget who you were before I found you—unpolished and undeserving. forget your name, but never your roots.  

The note is crumpled and thrown in the trashcan, while the corundum and its box are hastily and carelessly pushed back into the bag. Really, so typical of Jade, he scoffs as he tosses the godforsaken bag into a random drawer, never to be seen again. 

Kakavasha— no, Aventurine always tries not to remember. He's never synced the Sigonian calendar system to check the date in trailblaze calendar, never makes the mistake of dwelling on the memories surrounding this day— even when he's too drunk to remember his own name. Done everything possible to not acknowledge it; because this day feels like nothing but a curse to him.

Unfortunately, Jade has now ensured that he never gets to forget, again. 

In any case, Aventurine concludes that it is not good for him to worry about this too much. Yes, he can just forget about the corundum. Yes, he is able to forget how it resembled Avgin eyes. Yes, he can also forget that Jade most likely sent this to "keep him in check" following the stunt he did in Penacony. But it was a mistake on his part to not see something coming. She had done this before, and it would not be the last time. He smiles at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, composed, shrewd, and calculated. Since a mirror has the freedom of choice, it does not return his smile.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

By the time the car comes to a stop in front of his house, Aventurine is exhausted. His chauffeur unlocks the door for him, and he makes his way to the elevator. Yet he's interrupted again— of course, because it's a cursed day, and Aventurine has to restrain himself from scowling at the gateman, who stands in front of him wearing an anxious expression. "Sir, your friend had visited earlier to drop off something."

He raises an eyebrow and is about to inquire when he notices the bag the man is carrying. Without saying anything further, he simply takes the bag. You are the only one who'd own a dumb clockie bag and the only one who'd ever drop things off at his place.

When he steps in, his three catcakes meow loudly to greet him, and feels somewhat grateful for it. Today was just too exhausting, after all. He understands what this is about, based on the fact that you always give him gifts in person. Why, of all days, would you consider dropping it off today? And with no advanced notice- completely unlike you. How annoying, did Jade really have to do this too? He's never disclosed his birthday to you, so you probably coerced her into telling you, and she was glad to oblige, given you are of value to her.

Aventurine doesn't realize he's been standing in the kitchen for a long time until Spade begins massaging its fluffy body on his legs. He is surrounded by his three catcakes, who are all staring up at him expectantly. The message is crystal clear: We Want Food. He moves swiftly to get their food bowls, chuckling to himself before setting your lunchbox on the counter, sort of as an afterthought. At least they'll be able to go to bed well fed tonight. 

After serving them dinner, he leaves the kitchen carrying a bottle of wine, hoping to spend the remainder of the evening crashing on the couch. He can just leave everything else for tomorrow. The benefit of drinking is that it can temporarily impair your ability to sense emotions. He only needs a short term fix, after all. Come tomorrow, he'll take hangover pills, and walk out of this house as Aventurine of the stratagems again— undoubtedly.

He turns on a random B-grade movie, prepared to drink the night away. And he does precisely that—he pushes down thoughts of how his childhood friends, whose features now misty in his memories, would react if they were to see him. With another shot, he pushes down recollections of his mother's cooking—the special meals for the Kakava—and his birthday. Another to accept the now-blurry face of his sister in his memory as the only proof of her existence. Another to forget the clay dolls she'd made for him, on the last birthday kakavasha got to celebrate, that were broken when he had to run for his life. And one more shot, and another, till he's forgotten everything; till he's numb and emotionless.

Feeling empty and hollow is far worse than anything else, and being unable to cry isn't as pleasant as he thought it'd be. But in his lavish home, where gold abounds in every nook and cranny, he has little reason for tears. Money may not be able to buy him happiness, as he is well aware, but it certainly does spare him from ugly tears unfit for his visage. Maybe that's why he hasn't cried in a while, or perhaps he has simply lost his soul somewhere along the way. He stays on the couch till 3 am, accompanied by his pets. He pretends not to see the troubled looks they shoot at him, whispered words passed between them that are clearly about him. By the time he decides to rest for the night, he is fatigued, sluggish, and barely keeping it together.

When he gets up to grab a glass of water from the kitchen, Ace makes a protesting noise before promptly shutting up. Catcakes are smart creatures, and they understand him better than most individuals in his life (or maybe the difference lies in care) His throat is dry, and ice cold water from the freezer provides enormous relief. However, the respite is taken away from him by the crackling lightning, loud as a whip, pulling out memories up to the forefront of his mind again. Of the lightning without the rain, of Sigonia-IV. The drumming of the thunder is largely hidden by the concrete walls, so it isn't as hard on the ear—but it aches a lot more than it did before. Aventurine sneers to himself, dismissing the idea as ludicrous. As if.

The second time the thunder sizzles, Aventurine has to take a sharp breath and grip the countertop to steady himself. It sounds like playing dead in the bleeding streams of Sigonia-IV, like the booming cackle of the mocking thunder. Had he been an insolent child, just a little more doubtful than he already was, he'd believe it was Mama Fenge herself laughing at her so called "blessed child". The thunder sounds similar, but it's not the same. No, because this is still Aventurine and he's still here and those are someone else's memories, forgotten and buried in sand.

Aventurine sighs.

Drinking too much has never done any good to him.

Just as he is ready to leave the kitchen, he notices the lunchbox sitting the counter out of the corner of his eye. Oh, right. He hadn't even touched it. A distraction doesn't seem bad now, though. If he wants to fabricate a plausible lie about eating the food, he would at least need to know what kind of food you sent. If the mental image of your frown after discovering he never even looked at what you sent is what gives him the final push , he would never admit it.

The lunchbox has a plains bear cub logo: you've always been a sucker for cute things. He sets aside the little note attached for later this time, preferring to taste the dinner first. It looks like you chose to make him some kind of soup. Insulated lunchboxes are a blessing— because it's surely been well over half a day since you made it, yet it's still warm. While the presentation is relatively simple, it smells strangely comforting— effect of some potion? He's heard of those, but they're usually used for sick patients, no? Other than that, this is the first homemade meal he's having in a….while. Not that it matters. Aventurine isn't picky, and while the leafy greens are unfamiliar to him, he believes he can handle at least a tablespoon.

Even the largest avalanche can be triggered by the smallest of things. Just one spoonful, and yet it's enough to make his world stop.

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The dry, broken soil scraped against his bare feet, producing little clouds of dust in its wake. His strides were light and rapid, nearly tripping over himself with excitement and giddiness. Just a little more, and he'll reach the finish line. Even the Sun's typical glare felt kind today; warm and tender against his tanned skin. Jumping over the homemade hurdles, he reaches the finish line far ahead of his friends. They protest and pout, and he taunts them with the biggest smile on his face. The soles of his feet feel slightly sore from running barefoot, but Kakavasha wouldn't risk destroying his only pair of shoes for a game. 

When he hears his sister's voice calling for him, he rushes to embrace her and buries his face in her apron. His mother once told him that the Avgins all possess lovely voices, but Kakavasha believes his sister's is the best, especially when she laughs.

"And when will you listen to me and stop running around in the middle of the day, hm?" She pinches his nose and uses her apron to wipe the dirt off his face. Kakavasha beams at her with no regrets, proudly displaying the gap between his teeth. Once kakavasha had said his goodbyes to his friends, they walk hand in hand towards their tent.

There, his mother welcomes them with a warm embrace that smells like creosote bush and desert rain. “My darling," she coos, putting his small hands in her larger ones, rough from labour. "I remember you promised to be on time for lunch last time?" He grins cheekily, vowing not to do it again. (He's a repeat offender, but he knows that his mother and sister can't stay upset at him for long.)

His mother laughs, and tells him to tidy up before eating. Kakavasha's tummy is grumbling by the time he returns, and he finds the mats his sister laid down to sit on. The two siblings sit next to each other, chatting and giggling as they wait for their mother. She serves them a pot of hot soup with nettle leaves and lentils, just the way Kakavasha prefers it. He's overjoyed; quickly finishing his prayers before digging in. Kakavasha is a growing boy, and that's proved again when he finishes his bowl before his family.

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The soup she'd served him back then wasn't anything lavish; just a simple soup with local herbs and nettle leaves in a broth that smelt so uniquely of hers. His mama may have had a knack for cooking, but due to a lack of opportunities and resources, she never got to demonstrate her abilities. Compared to that, your food is much finer, and while excellent, it lacks the warmth of his mother's hands.  

Nevertheless, he can't resist taking another spoonful and quickly putting it in his mouth because the familiarity is so, so palpable. He recalls that his sister wanted him to eat better, so she gave him half of her portion after he finished his. His mother then gave his sister half of her portion, as they are Both growing children. All of a sudden, the bickering, the laughs, and their voices are as plain as day in his mind. He can't fully recall the glitter in his sister's eyes or the dimple on his mother's cheek, but it's clearer than any other memory he had of them, that's for sure. 

Aventurine can't stop crying, even if he wants to. Trying to halt the choking sobbing is fruitless, as is trying to figure out what's going on. He picks up the little message with shaking hands, hoping—praying—that it will help. You'll make it make sense. Somehow.

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“Dear Aventurine, I hope you have a wonderful birthday!!!!”  

Written in thin, flowing, rounded letters that are noticeably cleaner than your actual handwriting. You undoubtedly put a lot of effort into each letter you wrote. Aventurine was correct in assuming you found out his birthday through Jade, as you have written it here. "Buying a gift for you seems…a little perfunctory," you said, "so I've settled with cooking you something myself."

"And if the dish tastes familiar (which I hope it does) then yes, you've guessed it right— it's a traditional Avgin dish."

The perfumed ink is thicker here, a few ink blots from where you've likely paused to think, go over each sentence in your head before writing them down.

You mention finding the Avgin dishes by reading some kind of research paper on Sigonian culture and food, but Aventurine isn't sure he can believe that. You wrote, "I was fortunate enough," yet chance alone wouldn't get you something like that. Sure, maybe some doctoral candidate was crazy enough to choose a dead planet and its deader tribes to write about, but finding that paper would be too difficult. The biggest issue, however, is that Aventurine believes this dish should not and cannot exist. The stinging nettle leaves his mother used are no longer available, and while he didn't know much about cooking at the time, he was aware that all of the spices he knew were almost extinct. He's looked enough to know.

"I'll be honest, I had some trouble locating the ingredients for it and had to swap the majority of them because I couldn't find them. I really wanted to bring back a familiar feeling, even if it tastes very different from how you remember it. Plus, it's the thought that counts, right?"

In contrast to the light-hearted language, your writing is slightly wobbly and darker here, and Aventurine wonders if you realise your emotions seep through every single one of your actions, laid bare for the world to see.

Noting the disappearance of their owner, curious, the catcakes peep into the kitchen are immediately alarmed to see their owner sitting on the counter stool, sobbing and clutching a box. Spade, unsure of what to do, nuzzles it's head on Aventurine's leg, while the others meow in an attempt to calm him down. Aventurine hasn't sobbed in a long time—he can't remember how to anymore. His body shakes with each ragged and broken sob, sounding shattered and damaged, but he can't stop.

"I hope it brings you fond memories" is what you wrote down, but are you aware of the full impact of what you did for him? Most likely not. Aventurine cherishes all of his memories, including the unpleasant ones: as long as it involves his family. His misery knows no bounds, but he's only had a few years with his sister, and even fewer with his mother. So even the saddest memories are never forgotten, so he can preserve as much of them as possible. They live through his memories, after all. 

Even when plain, his mother's meals provided him with more warmth than anything else back then. To feel that warmth decades later is a blessing he can't repay— but a blessing nonetheless. He doesn't have many memories like this one either, gentle and happy, contrary to the endless memories of struggling. He remembers their love so vividly right now, feels it so strongly, alongside yours— that he has no choice but to revel in it.

(Come tomorrow , when he's sober, puffy-eyed from crying and not as vulnerable, he'll have trouble figuring your reasoning. But for now, he'll be fine. Tonight, he'll go to sleep feeling loved. Tonight, his pets will cuddle him to sleep. Tonight, he'll dream of a Sigonia Only he knows.)

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A/N: I'm honestly still so embarrassed about this bc I have an idea but can't execute it like I want to and 🫠🫠 As always, comments and reblogs are really appreciated!! Thank you for reading <3