#its both an uncomfortable and fascinating thing to me - i think it also depends where my back is touched

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

it’s a fucking metaphor!

Titans 3.08

i’ve finally gathered the mental and emotional resources to do this thing, so let’s go! as always, i’m typing this up as i see the episode.

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. on watching this opening scene, i was thinking back to how gar was in s1, or even the early bits of s2. the way he idolised the others, particularly dick, and his readiness to go along with whatever they said, and the way he practically bled the need for acceptance. and here he is now, openly defying dick, fully open to and aware of the flaws of the people he loves and admires, knowing he is accepted no matter what and extending that generosity elsewhere. it’s a remarkable bit of character growth that’s... sort of blossomed in the background and so rewarding to see and acknowledge. 

1.25. i guess what i really love about this conflict over how to respond to jason--as clumsily as it is sometimes written--is how their histories and individual traumas inform each character’s reaction. dick is torn between his guilt over what’s become of jason and his drive to do what batman had essentially given up on doing: he is motivated to track down red hood at all costs but there’s a sense that he’s not completely sold on the idea that the only way to stop him is to kill him. (he might go the comics route and try to put him in arkham? god, imagine if the season ended with jason in arkham.) kory’s never had much of a connection with jason in the first place, and jason has done one of the worst things he could do in her book: track and kill a member of her newfound family and is threatening to kill more. 

and gar... sure. look. the idea of jason and red hood as separate entities appeals to him; that red hood emerged when jason was drugged to the gills by scarecrow and lost his usual inhibitions. gar’s struggled with what he becomes when he’s pushed to his limits, too--he did rip open that experimenting scientist with his teeth way back in 1.07, after all, and he was brainwashed by cadmus in s2 into becoming a literal monster. he needs to think, to know, there’s a dichotomy, a line that can only be crossed under extreme duress or by outside influence. 

and he says--and we say--that he was accepted back into the titans in spite of what he’d done, but was he really? gar’s always struggled with his footing in this group; relegated to the caretaker, the tech guy, the gatekeeper, and sometimes punching bag even though everybody’s paying lip service to how much of a family they all are. perhaps gar reaching out to jason and offering acceptance is aspirational on his part: perhaps this is the effort he hoped the titans put/or will put into getting gar back, even when it would seem like he’s too far gone.

1.5. anyway my point is that i don’t think it’s worth discussing this in terms of right/wrong decisions because all of their reactions make a lot of sense given their backgrounds/personalities. gar is doing a fine job here of tracking down jason’s friends and trying to find him that way, but we the audience know that jason is ultimately going to end up an anti-hero/eventually-hero character, so with that knowledge in mind we know that gar’s reaction is the right one. it’s knowledge that the other characters don’t have, so to judge them on it is... uh, unfair.

1.8. also, molly is awesome, yay!

2. dick and barbara flirting over the phone is so cute! i love to see this side of dick: lighter, peppier, willing (even if somewhat reluctantly) to put his mission aside to go out on a date with his girlfriend. and i love how easy this makes his dynamic with kory too: it’s all very domestic and utterly delightful. 

(also, re: the water leak in barbara’s office--you’re saying GCPD could afford fancy-schmancy table-wide touch screen computers and evil-lair lighting but needs its frickin’ commissioner to catch leaking water from above her desk with mugs and fishbowls????)

2.2225. this is probably a teeny tiny thing and i’m not sure i want to bring it up at all BUT. the fact that dick feels compelled to lie to barbara about not liking fancy gala food and eating something more substantial before the date? not a terribly great sign, though i wouldn’t call it a red flag per se. 

“this from a man who forced his students to eat cauliflower crust pizza...”

3. so.... conner and kom are a Thing. huh.

in theory i really like the idea of them bonding over an innate alien-ness and longing for a place they could really belong. both of them are alien twice-over: conner a mix of kryptonian and human, practically generated in a test tube, and kom being somebody that was born different and rejected by her own people, now stuck on a planet dominated by an entirely different species. i even like them exploring this bond physically. i guess it’s the sense of... uneasiness around what we do and don’t know about kom that makes this scene land slightly left of centre to me. i think titans, especially through s2, has cultivated in its audience a sense of distrust even until the final episode, just in case somebody vital to the season is suddenly revealed to have had ulterior motives (i’m even low-key suspicious of leslie). i really want to see this kom-conner dynamic play out but the anticipation of watching the other shoe drop is sucking out the enjoyment.

4. for fuck’s sake dick, gar’s not your gatekeeper.

TIIIIIIIIMMMMM \O/

4.5. i love this nod to tim’s origins in the comics, the way he just comes in and lays out all his evidence and makes it clear to dick that he needs tim’s help as robin. the fact that he was there at the flying graysons’ last performance, he was obsessed with their acrobatic moves, and was observant enough to connect those moves with that of robin and later nightwing... all of this came together to put him where he is right now.

(i also love how he can’t contain his giddy excitement when talking about the day dick grayson’s parents died... to dick grayson. even if dick weren’t nightwing, that would be a deeply uncomfortable thing! yet tim can’t help himself, and i love him for it.)

4.8. it’s a testament to how much dick’s caught off-guard that he can’t come up with a better response to tim’s allegations other than “uh... he stole my moves! as you know, no two gymnasts in the world are allowed to do the same moves. now, let me escort you out while pretending poorly that i’m not at all shaken by this...”

4.9. i’ve talked about this before, but i find the logic around secret identities in this universe utterly fascinating. the titans don’t make much effort in keeping their identities secret: everybody seems to know that kory is starfire for instance, or that gar is beast boy. dick grayson is seen hanging out with kory a lot, especially at crime scenes. it won’t take a lot of sleuthing to find out that the titans are currently camped out at wayne manor, and to put two and two together.

my theory was that superheroes and villains have become such an integral part of daily society that it’s almost not worth it to seek out their secret identities, or that it’s just not a big deal anymore. like politicians or diplomats, not everybody bothers to look into who exactly their local politician is, but the people who know just... know. it’s a sort of unspoken social contract.

tim’s broken this contract by confronting dick about his identity, and dick’s not ready to deal with it. not entirely.

look at him! *pinches his cheeks*

5. ngl, it was quite satisfying to see jason knock the scarecrow out like that. 

5.5. i guess... the question of jason’s culpability is always going to be a thorny one and would make for a great courtroom drama spinoff. there are a number of factors to consider: jason’s personality, the rough circumstances under which he grew up, his undoubtedly stressful transition to being robin, bruce wayne being... well, bruce wayne, never feeling accepted by the titans and having most of them turn on him, being roundly defeated and almost killed by deathstroke, alfred’s death, a fuckload of ptsd, his violent death, crane’s manipulations, coming back to life, crane plying him with a drug. but there is no easy line to draw between any of these factors to his actions. i think it would be a disservice to jason’s character to attribute his actions entirely to these things and rather irresponsible to do so. i think jason has to reckon with the fact that when he took crane’s drug, he wasn’t reckless and chaotic like the thugs he gave it to; the planning that went into hank’s death was meticulous and the way hank died--dawn essentially tricked into pulling the trigger that blew her lover into bits--is so drawn out and cruel. 

5.75. it’s occurring to me that crane might have given jason a placebo. maybe jason’s dependence is psychological, and he’s externalised his fears in such a way that he believes crane’s drugs literally wipe them out, however temporarily.

in any case, the boy needs (more) therapy.

6. “he walked like robin...” fuck, tim

“gait recognition sweep” god, this show. i don’t know whether to laugh or cry. hey, once we’re done doing this gait recognition thingy, can we get a goddamn plumber in the house??? or move the commissioner’s desk so that sewage water isn’t dripping on her head or the million dollar touchscreen desk???????

6.5. oh no dick!!!!!! i am delighted that you got hurt but i feel ashamed about it! that looked like it really hurt!

he’s really not having a good time of it, is he. from being shot by a sniper to slamming at full speed into an suv, he’s got to be really fucking battered by now. and that’s just the physical side of it.

“can you believe that just over a week ago i was sitting in san francisco eating cauliflower crust pizza and feeling good about myself for the first time in five years...”

7. kory’s having visions again! now that she’s figured what they are, do you think the show’s just dropped justin? it’s curious that HPG hasn’t been brought up in a while after featuring relatively heavily in the beginning. hmmm.

8. dick’s in hospital but... he looks remarkably whole for someone who took a spill like that. you’d think he’d at least have a bruise to show for it. on the other hand, i love that the first thing he says is ‘i need to call home’. reminds me of season 1 dick and his clumsy attempts to explain away his found family as an ‘alliance of necessity’ or some bullshit. what a long way he’s come!

*gasp* dick’s hallucinating again!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m doing the dick’s hallucinating dance! can you believe that we’re carrying over these huge honking issues unearthed in season 2 onto season 3? can you believe?!!! all that time and effort i spent talking about dick’s mental health from last season has not gone in vain!!

... ahem. anyway. more on this later.

“hold on barbara, i think kory gave me the number to this therapist that she kept calling Hot Psychiatrist Guy...”

9. just an interlude to say that i’m barely halfway through the episode and i’ve already written 2k+ words... ugh. i’m going to try and be more concise.

10. man i fuckin love it when titans goes all out with its weird mindscapes and i’m extra glad that kory’s the focus this time. is that baby kom or maybe a secret sibling that neither of them knew about? was that lady luand’r? and is this place where kory was circling where the secret sibling is? it’s all very intriguing. 

(if justin turned out to be that sibling... we’ve a real luke/leia situation on our hands.)

11. aw, i knew that nice security guard was going to die, but it still hurt to see him go :(

12. this show is so bizarre. like i get the mindscape as a narrative device, but jason using sex workers to try and vocalise his guilt about killing hank was just weird. like. i have to use tamil, sorry: idhulaan yaaru pa room pottu yosikara??? some things just can’t be translated into a second language.

i guess one way to interpret jason’s reckoning with what he did to the titans as a sign of him coming off crane’s drug, but i think it’s more to do with the disillusionment of realising that he was a mere pawn in a more sinister plan, and not, as he thought, a player in control of his destiny, rising to the purpose of liberating gotham of its fears in a way batman never could. along the way, he’s done some truly irreversible damage. it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

13. another hallucination! it’s really intriguing that it’s a young dick(?), younger than we’ve ever seen him, wearing an early-era robin costume from way before he even became robin. (this is also interesting in that it gives credence to the idea that ‘robin’ is an identity that dick created entirely on his own, and as a possible homage to his family.)

“old road, old house... it’s all gone.” i wonder what it all means.

13.5. it’s entirely likely dick’s hallucinating because of a brain injury from the accident, though just hallucinations without any other focal neurological deficit is unusual. he might’ve been microdosed with fear toxin at some point, though i wonder when... did jason do so after dick’s accident? did he get dosed at the factory from last episode? 

it’s also possible it’s a continuing manifestation of dick’s issues from last season--which, if you remember, he never told anyone about and therefore never properly addressed. maybe he was hallucinating bruce wayne in a psychotic episode accompanying an acute stress reaction and maybe that’s what’s happening now. nobody’s denying that he’s under an extraordinary amount of stress right now. another way to look at it is that this is how he externalises conflict that he can’t bear to suppress anymore; if in s2 halluci!bruce manifested his insecurities and self-loathing, then these hallucinations... something to do with his fears, no doubt.

yet ANOTHER way to look at it might be: rachel is reaching out to him through their, well, psychic bond. after all, they were able to use that bond unconsciously last season to get the titans back together; maybe rachel has learned to gain a degree of control over it in themyscira and is sending across warnings? it’s all very intriguing.

anyway:

“i hear you skipped over the discowing suit in your evolution to nightwing... how could you??”

14. can you imagine, gar did all the work of reaching out to jason via molly and jason wants to meet dick? smh.

14.5. “i’m just a regular guy doing regular things” he says, standing at the opening of a secret old tunnel, like a secret person doing secret things, confronting someone who can now officially be called his stalker. neither of you guys are ‘regular’

14.8. ‘my dad was a cop and he taught me how to investigate’ - hmmm. i guess they’re trying to Explain Tim but i don’t think that’s really necessary. so he’s smart and he’s obsessed with batman and robin--that should be enough, imo. 

15. that scene with scarecrow and his mother was... wow. i’m just laughing here helplessly, because what the hell? for a while i thought it was an extended dream sequence and i’m still not entirely sure that it isn’t...

anyway. i still love that titans is happy to throw out its plot in favour of extended character-exploration sessions.

15.5. it seems to me that this scene with crane and his mother (i have no idea if there’s anything in the comics similar to this) serves to move forward this season’s theme of harmful legacies and how parents can damage their children in the name of their mission. in a way it’s been the underlying message of the entire show but we’re really seeing it being reinforced this season. the titans, serving as a foil to scarecrow, are using the damage to rebuild themselves and actually work through their issues together, instead of spiralling further and further into the morass of their issues.

other than that... god, that scene was painful to watch. i can’t say i like this version of scarecrow or how this actor plays him at all.

16. i wonder what’s jason’s play here. i think he’s smart enough to realise that the titans aren’t going to just forgive him and let him be a titan again after what he did, and that dick agreeing to it is just a bid to pin both him and crane down. maybe it’s a ploy to trap them, get back on scarecrow’s good books so that he can have the drug again. who knows.

17. i absolutely felt dick when he said “we’ll bring him in and then re-assess the situation.” what the fuck else is he going to say? the priority is to get him.

so kory and dick are both hallucinating while potentially trying to rehabilitate their murderous siblings. CONFIDE IN EACH OTHER ALREADY

18. TIM NOOOO! you beautiful, reckless fool!

18.25. just to quickly address it here because i know it’s been brought up before: i think it’s perfectly justified to not have conner take tim to the hospital via superspeed because a) i don’t think we’ve seen conner do that with anybody so far and b) it’s probably not a good idea to submit tim’s body to that kind of stress without knowing what it would do to him. the paramedics with actual equipment and experience would be there in a few minutes, so on a risk assessment, i would say dick and conner absolutely made the right call.

18.5. i guess we won’t know what jason really intended to when the titans came to the pump to see him, but this is definitely going to set a big wedge in his relationship with crane. then again, crane got what he wanted--using starfire’s powers to blast through to the underground pipes--so jason can argue that this is exactly what he was working towards, too. 

anyway, mortal peril, hallucinations, murderous family members, creepy visions and robins sprouting left and right. time to get rachel and donna on the scene, i think.

[gaygoetia]

To return the favour, I'd like to hear your thoughts on Theon/Jon too, please. :)

Hi! Absolutely 😊

When I started shipping it

I don't remember specifically when I started shipping them but I remember reading the books and being fascinated by all the parallels between them. I'm pretty sure I was already shipping them by the time A Dance With Dragons came out in 2011 so it's been at least 10 years! (which makes me feel old as hell lol)

My thoughts

Too many to put down haha. These characters are perfect for the "enemies to lovers" trope. In canon they have such an antagonistic relationship on the surface but they have more in common than they realise and deep down they do care about each other.

What makes me happy about them

I love how different they are in complimentary ways. Jon is repressed and uptight so could learn a thing or two from Theon's "I do what I want" attitude but Theon is an irresponsible, insecure mess so he should really take a leaf out of Jon's book! They're not afraid to call each other out in ways I think are really beneficial for their development but they also understand better than most what the other is going through so there's a sense of mutual understanding there too.

What makes me sad about them

Well if we're talking about canon definitely the constant tragedy that plagues them both lol. I guess I'm also sad that they don't realise (yet?) in canon how similar they both are and how the things they hate about each other are actually rooted in familiar insecurities.

Things done in fanfic that annoy me

I hate when fanfic strips them of all their flaws (when that's literally what makes them so interesting!) to the point where they feel like totally different characters.

I also am not a fan of incest in fanfic and unfortunately it's pretty rampant in this fandom (for understandable reasons). I'm cool with other people shipping what they want but personally the moment incest comes up I usually stop reading.

Things I look for in fanfic

I am not someone who gravitate towards fluff or pre-established relationships. I love fiction which explores complex emotions and the messy reality of being a human being (especially one with a fuck ton of trauma and/or internal biases to work through)

Snowjoy isn't a particularly popular pairing (especially since the show ended) so I'll usually read any fic with them in lol. But my favourite tropes for them are slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, fake dating and modern AU's.

I also love fics which explore or touch on mental illness, addiction, toxic masculinity, internalised homophobia and toxic friendships/relationships

Who I'd like them to end up with, if not each other

I truly do ship Theon with almost every character lmao. Theon/Robb, Theon/Jeyne, Theon/Patryk and Theon/Sansa are a few that come to mind. That said, in fic where he ends up with women I need him to have character development where he learns to respect women before I can root for them.

Jon I ship with fewer people but I can get on board with Jon/Satin, Jon/Ygritte and Jon/Sam.

My happily ever after for them

In canon its hard to think of one that would make sense tbh. Probably either Theon joining the Night's Watch and them being together there or them going beyond the Wall and living together as wildlings. I'm personally not a big fan of Jon as Lord of Winterfell/King in the North in general but especially when it comes to this pairing because I think it would create an uncomfortable power imbalance after everything Theon has been through.

Who is the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

I think they switch! I think Theon has a soft spot for being the little spoon though after a lifetime of wanting to be one but feeling too self conscious to ask.

Favourite non sexual activity

Definitely agree with you about the bickering haha.

Bonus

If you like this pairing you may enjoy this playlist I made for them (depending on your music taste):

It's an indie-rock playlist based mostly on their pre-Ramsay dynamic.

[kaminohana]

the meme man full analysis

Yeehaw here we go. Analysis of Mikoto Kayano’s video and song, along with some theories about the many themes and symbols in the video. Note: If there’s any other supplemental material for him out there, I haven’t read it. This is just an analysis with the music video we were given. If I happen to miss stuff that was mentioned before, I may talk about it in another post lmao

I was SUPER invested in this video as I watched it and soon realized “Oh shit, I think Mikoto’s plural”. Cuz, you know, I’m plural too (not disclosing what kind) and it felt SO good to see some actual parallels to stuff I go through- though of course not to Mikoto’s degree.

That said, I feel I should make a disclaimer in passing: yes, portraying your only plural character as homicidal ain’t the best representation. But, you know, we’ve seen other cases like that in Milgram so I’m just gonna leave it at that. Personally, I’m not that offended because the execution is SO top-notch. Though, hey, I totally understand how this can be very frustrating to other systems to see plurality depicted in such an unhealthy light- if it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

Keep in mind the point of the Milgram series is to make you uncomfortable in so quickly incriminating someone; if you’re hesitating to determine someone as guilty, hey, that’s probably intended and good! It’s about personal decision, so I’m not going to judge you one way or the other in voting. I just find it fascinating how these videos can put us in such conflict. This is all just my own perspective, BTW, so if you disagree with some of these points, good! I’m just hoping to share my thoughts since I can make a lot of connections. I’m by no means an expert in plurality or tarot, I just have some background in both and decided to try my hand at this analysis, so I really don’t the final say on what’s going on in the video.

Now, onto the actual video analysis.

I’m sticking with the basic idea that Mikoto is split into two parts; his more loveable, gentler side, which I referred to in another post as Softboy Mikoto, and the more violent side which may be acting as a catharsis to his frustrations. I referred to this side previously as the Devil alter, as he is depicted with the Devil major arcana tarot card. I can see how this could be taken badly, so for now I’m just going to refer to him as the shadow alter. There are many themes of duality in the video, most commonly with the symbol of the half moon which appears so many times. Shadow of the moon etc etc. I’ll be bringing this up several times as I analyze the lyrics. I’ll be breaking down the lyrics as evidence to support the idea that Mikoto is plural, and to show how softboy Mikoto (and shadow alter Mikoto) view this particular relationship and how this culminates in murder. Sometimes I refer to Mikoto (as a whole), softboy Mikoto, or shadow alter Mikoto depending on what I’m trying to describe in the below.

First piece: the title. MeMe. Me x2. A dead giveaway, like Umbilical. Also, it can be a meme, which is interesting taking the definition of the word meme in this context: “an element of a culture or system of behavior passed from one individual to another by imitation or other nongenetic means” (Oxford Dictionaries).  HMMMM. I know memes are generally within the context of a community, but I think it’s interesting to actually apply this to Mikoto. What exactly is being passed on? Could we argue that Mikoto’s frustrations from one of his parts is being passed on to the other? Interesting to think about, though it may not be relevant.

Going into the lyrics:

So from here I’m guessing there was a point in Mikoto’s life where his plurality was not an issue; or, potentially, there was a time before his split. These were the good times.

Playing dead vs. being alive – representing duality. May refer to how, when one side has their way, the other is locked away in the headspace with no control, thus feeling like being dead. In the context of “if only”, perhaps he’s wishing that he just didn’t do anything if only to prevent things from getting this far.

“If” I could end- I believe Mikoto (particularly softboy Mikoto) is saying “Hey, I have no control over my other side. If I did, would things still be the same? Would I still be ‘letting’ this happen?”

“Keep it” and “hide it away” I feel like are both representative of his shadow alter and of the desires that alter represents. Many words related to destruction are tied to this alter, so it could be seen as Mikoto trying to hide those urges as well.

“’I’ will save ‘me’”- this is a very interesting line that I think very well encapsulates the shadow alter’s initial motives; he’s saying “hey, I’m going to take care of us,” I believe to try and convince softboy Mikoto to let him out. As far as if softboy Mikoto can actually “let” him out is TOTALLY up for debate.

Part of the reason I refer to the other alter as softboy Mikoto is because there are softer words I notice used by him in the song; here’s I’m seeing “snuggle”, so I think this side of him is more vulnerable and soft.

SWITCH, shake up that brain- wow couldn’t be any more obvious here

This is where the chorus starts. This I think is from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, PARTICULARLY when he’s trapped in the headspace. There are many forms of plurality IRL in which alters cannot simultaneously front, so one or more are “pushed” back into the headspace. This very act occurs several times throughout the song in the weird minimalist vaporwave shadow realm room, where the tarot cards are. During this time, we can assume that is when the shadow alter is fronting. Softboy Mikoto slowly starts to become more helpless and fearful in this space as the song goes on, and this is where he makes his celtic cross tarot spread that quite frankly defines the whole song. I discussed that in my other post.

Another facet of plurality that is applied here is amnesia, which is common, especially when alters are pushed back to the headspace. Within the headspace, there may be a lack of awareness to the outside world, which Mikoto seems to express in his confused sentiments like the above (in the video, he is also scratching his head, which as a gesture can represent being confused). “Why am I here?” can act as a double entendre, both referring to “Why have I suddenly been pushed to this headspace?” as well as the whole point of Milgram- “Why am I in prison?”. He may not be aware of exactly what he did, hence why he feels it’s a mistake. He may be experiencing amnesia of what his shadow alter is doing, so he doesn’t even know what crime he committed. However, he at least has enough awareness to tell someone else is present in his body doing things, so he begs the viewer “Hey, just watch whatever my body is doing and it’ll all eventually make sense. I don’t have access to this information, but you do.” I thought this was an interesting fourth wall break.

The truth revealing itself could also be the truth coming to light from the particular tarot reading he does in the headspace; note that the cards only seem to be appear in this place and not in the outside world. So softboy Mikoto is trying to figure out what’s going on this way. If he can’t figure it out himself, maybe the cards can give him some direction.

Another duality- “I won’t forgive you if you reveal the truth” vs. “However I know I’m right when I say I’m innocent”. Or he could be right about something else.

I’m wondering if the breaking here is just reflecting the shadow alter or is softboy Mikoto actually wishing he could end the shadow alter. He at least wants things to change; the way things are right now is not something he’s okay with. Though, it sounds like he isn’t getting help with this and has no idea if he can even arrest full control again. It seems at this point, this has been going on for a while so he’s stopped trying.

In the video, the shadow alter is doing a GREAT job hiding the evidence; while of course probably just trying to not get caught, the shadow alter may also be trying to hide his crime from softboy Mikoto so he’s none the wiser.

He’s hoping he can be rid of the shadow alter side, but I think he also is dumping all his difficult feelings onto the shadow alter. Maybe he feels its some sort of release, even if he can’t control it, so he feels a lot of guilt over the shadow alter’s existence, even though that alter is serving a purpose as a conduit for those emotions.

I really really think though that there IS some connection between softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto. Maybe they are both truly aware of each other, hence the scene where they are viewing each other through the mirror. I think here, softboy Mikoto might be admitting that it feels good to let the shadow alter out, like a hug. The “minus energy” probably refers to the shadow alter.

“Maybe it’s okay that we’re separated like this?” he wonders. There seems to be a sense of feeling alive at least that is conveyed through the shadow alter.

SPLIT IN HALF- yeah, again, pretty encompassing.

In the video, I think this is when we have a switch, as Mikoto’s expression changes in the outside world mirror.

The chorus again, softboy Mikoto is shoved into the vaporwave shadow realm headspace. He’s asking the audience to investigate him here, but I also like to joke that he’s like “uwu look at me I could never harm anybody, pwease let me out”, which may be true only so far as softboy Mikoto is out.

I wonder if in “I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me” is directed at the shadow alter instead of the audience? Like softboy Mikoto is saying “I swear to god if you murdered someone im gonna be so pissed, but I also already kinda know it’s happening.” Just another take.

In the video, softboy Mikoto is THROWN into the headspace, where he is gifted with just one hint of what’s going on: The Devil tarot card.

You DARE accuse Miette of murder? Oh! 1000 years jail for Milgram viewer!

Now the vaporwave space starts to turn into a bloody mess; perhaps now softboy Mikoto is starting to put two and two together.

“Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it”- I definitely understand this being plural, like if your alters are causing problems, you may try and chastise them, or you may try and lock them away deep inside, but that often doesn’t stop them from existing. It’s really cool how that idea is present here. Like YES that’s how it is quite often. So even if softboy Mikoto TRIES to smother or accuse his shadow alter, that’s not going to change anything.

It being the same anywhere he goes makes me think he’s been putting up with this for a long time, that it’s not about what environment he’s in because his shadow alter is with him everywhere he goes.

“It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong”- may be referring to multiple things:

-the shadow alter having a different morality (hence why murder is okay for him, his indulgence in smokes and…redbull/alcohol, etc)

-OR, how softboy Mikoto’s amnesia isn’t letting him understand the full picture so everything is okay when he’s out fronting (shadow alter cleaned the place up and stuff, perhaps hiding all evidence of murder)

-“I’m already the fake one”- a very common sentiment for plural folks, worrying if you as an alter aren’t “the original” or if you’re not actually split and it’s something you’re making up, etc. I think softboy Mikoto is having these feelings. Poor boy, wish we could get you some therapy instead :/ (all of Milgram would be very different if only most of these people could get therapy, let’s be honest)

Now, what’s special here is that BOTH alters are in the headpace, with shadow alter Mikoto looming ominously behind softboy Mikoto.

During this next instrumental, just a side note: we see what’s going on through security footage. The security cameras reflecting a third person perspective is kind of neat in context of pluralism, where someone else fronting can feel like a third person awareness to another alter. I may be thinking too much into this one, but it’s a fun connection.

Another thing many plural folk go through: DISSOCIATION FROM REALITY. Ah yes, my good friend dissociation. Especially like in Mikoto’s case, where the consequences of being split have drastic consequences, he could be running away from the truth which may always be partially concealed to him. Something’s VERY wrong, he knows this for sure, and it may be at this point he really realizes “Oh shit. I just committed murder.” But instead of taking responsibility in any way, he’s trying to imagine that it’s a fabricated reality. I’m not going to say if this makes him bad or not, but it is a known coping mechanism.

I know I mention that the bad habits of smoking and drinking may be the shadow alters habits, but they could also be softboy Mikoto’s own methods of escapism, which definitely fits with the above lyrics. “I need to wake up soon”- but he still realizes that he’s going to have to face the harsh truth of reality soon.

Now this point indicates a marked change in softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto’s relationship: I believe there may be a time when softboy Mikoto expects to come back out to the front, but now the shadow alter is starting to take over fully and keep softboy Mikoto locked inside. This is supported by the Outcome card in his celtic cross spread being The Devil. Not only does this card have its own meanings, but here it may mean that the more violent side of him takes over.

Again, don’t know if he’s talking to the audience or his shadow alter in never forgiving this outcome. I believe softboy Mikoto does have a clearer morality in that murder is NOT okay, and if he were to fully acknowledge that he as a whole was capable of that, I think he’d break down. So he’s like “it better NOT be true” because he doesn’t know how he’d be able to deal with that.

Interesting in the video is when Mikoto snaps and the headspace turns red again; I would think this is when the shadow alter is entering the scene and taking over. The snap here is symbolic of the switch.

Now presumably softboy Mikoto is like “PWEASE WET ME OUT MISTEW OBAMA”, which, again with the double meaning, can refer to letting him out of the vaporwave shadow realm headspace OR letting him out of prison. Both apply.

“That it’s a lie

That I’m right”- a nice duality here. Mikoto is having difficulty separating the truth from reality.

Also NOW he is forgiving. Forgiveness vs not forgiveness (grudge)

I think it’s gotten so bad that he’s like “okay fine. Fine if I committed murder, fine if you’re accusing me of murder, but please help me understand what’s going on. Let me out”. Maybe he’ll forgive the shadow alter if only he fesses up to the murder.

Of note for the scene however is that shadow alter Mikoto is holding up The Fool card, which represents softboy Mikoto in this case. “I’m right” may be the shadow alter’s sentiment.

-THE CARDS AT THE END-

Then, all the cards show up in more detail, all depicting weapons instead of the standard minor arcana that you might see in your standard Rider Waite tarot deck (which these are based off of). The Wands are baseball bats, the Swords are kitchen knives, the Cups are…poison cans? Acid? The Pentacles are….records but I can see these being rotary saws if you squint. The Wheel of Fortune has car wheels with a snake….GTA time baby (the snake being hidden danger, the devil’s temptation, etc). The chariot is a really weird motorcycle death machine. I was thinking how like, people would drag people along behind them while driving a vehicle as a method of torture so there is that.

Now we see some cards not in the original spread- I think this represents shadow alter Mikoto inserting himself into the headspace and changing things to fit his goals. We see a couple placed in the original spread, but some don’t and are just free-floating, but you’ll see below we have enough context to decipher their meaning.

First, it’s the Page of Pentacles, which has taken over the position of the 7 of swords as the current challenge affecting the issue. This card indicates “Manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development”. I think this means the shadow alter is finally learning to take full control.

Then we see the reverse 2 of swords, which represents “Indecision, confusion, information overload, stalemate”. This could probably represent softboy Mikoto not suddenly understanding why the shadow alter is ALSO in the headspace. Maybe his dual presence in the outside world AND the headspace is indicative of exactly when he learned to take full control. This was NOT in Mikoto’s original spread.

Wheel of Fortune again, which was in the original spread. “Bad luck, negative external forces, out of control”. Yup, that confirms it.

Next, the Five of Swords from the original spread comes up. “Conflict, tension, loss.png, defeat, win at all costs, betrayal”. Softboy Mikoto is now being completely taken over. There is a facedown card on the chair. This might be the one that reads as Death later, so it may be that softboy Mikoto is…KILLED OFF?

Cup of Ace, “Love, compassion, creativity, overwhelming emotion”. I think this one is also meant to represent softboy Mikoto, but it could be that the shadow alter sees it as an act of mercy to take full control for softboy Mikoto. Maybe he feels his alter can’t handle reality and he’s going to take over full time. Or more likely he just has ulterior motives.

Reverse King of Cups. “emotional manipulation, moodiness, volatility”. Softboy Mikoto was lead along, thinking it was okay to leave things to the shadow alter or to exist alongside him. Now we see that isn’t a viable solution.

Reverse Five of Wands. “conflict avoidance, diversity, agreeing to disagree”.  I went over this more in the other post.

Chariot is the last one, WHICH ALSO WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL SPREAD. “Control, willpower, success, action, determination”. The shadow alter Mikoto has taken full control. Which is very quickly followed by…

Shadow alter Mikoto drawing Death. Also not in the original spread. Perhaps effectively “killing off” softboy Mikoto and betraying him.

Concluding Thoughts.

Now, I understand I do take most of these lyrics from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, but I’m sure there’s a layer of deception added on by his shadow alter. The Challenge card of the 7 of swords did represent betrayal. So softboy Mikoto’s only context into what’s going on outside may be his headspace tarot reading. If you want to question some of the lyrics, or even think one of the alters is lying, that would add SO much to the complexity of the situation, and I wouldn’t put it past the Milgram team to add something like that.

Common Themes/Symbols:

The mirror, both in the headspace and in the outside world bathroom

The Hanged Man- in a painting in the headspace and on Mikoto’s shirt. Indicative of being wrongly accused or martyred. Softboy Mikoto is likely represented with this, as well as The Fool. The Fool painting probably is there to show that he doesn’t know any better, that he is without the knowledge of what his shadow alter is doing (or doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong)

The Half Moon- a light side and a dark side. Pretty self-explanatory. Symbolically, it can also represent life and death. NICE.

Sorry if the conclusions end up being kind of vague. That’s the way a lot of this video is; what’s really going on, as it usually is, is up to viewer interpretation at this stage. I was just hoping to provide a bit of context into the images in the video, plural life, and narrator interpretation. I just really love this video and after this full analysis hope others can at least appreciate the work that went into it.

[caguaydreams]

A thorough analysis on why Vah Medoh’s dungeon theme makes me want to cry

Yep, that’s an accurate title. Hi there! do you have a moment to hear about Breath of The Wild soundtrack? posting for yet a third time in hopes that tumblr won't hide it. I'm so tired

What started as a quick and harmless post, pretending to simply point out a couple of things, rolled downhill, out of my grasp and turned into a massive snowball of a short essay. How and why did this happen? Well, I assume a lot of people know about this song, and know what I’m talking about when I say that it makes me tear up and sob uncontrollably with every change in key as the seconds tick by and I spiral down into a dwell of misery from where I struggle to find the exit and to later recover.

……No?…..At the VERY LEAST it makes you a little uncomfortable. And I state this with much certainty, because after reading hundreds of comments everywhere online where this song is present, I picked up on a vast majority of people who expressed to feel the same way I did when it came down to our current music subject. See, statistics don’t lie… normally. So, naturally, my intrigue got the best of me. I wanted to find out exactly why this soundtrack was mercilessly stirring up everyone’s emotions, so I caved in and we ended up with this.

Buckle in, fellas.

Out of all Divine Beasts’ dungeon themes, Vah Medoh’s is the one that I can’t sit through. Not without growing antsy and wanting to turn it off as soon as possible. I find it genuinely difficult to listen to, and it’s not only because Revali is my favorite character and the song is just, plainly put, depressing, mind you.

We’ll start from 0 terminals activated.

It opens up similar to the other three dungeon themes; the pace is slow but eerie, gives off the impression that it sounds broken somehow. Something is off here, and it’s easy to figure out what that is from the get go: you’re basically entering a majestic, ancient, mechanical mausoleum, where everything went terribly wrong a century ago. Someone is gone, someone you knew, someone who was probably close to you, but it’s impossible to be sure. You don’t remember a thing, and this entire ordeal is confusing at best, and terrifying at worst. It’s your duty to make things right again.

It’s the same for all four Divine Beasts upon entering, save for the obvious little differences that separates them from each other and make them unique. Ruta’s is played on a major key, adhering to a sense of hopefulness. Naboris’s begins with a startling smashing of the piano keys, much like thunder of a sudden lighting strike. And Rudania’s theme starts threatening, dangerous, like scalding lava.

But now, back to Vah Medoh. The tone here is… alienating. The dissonant chords are all over the place, and feel disconnected, cold. It’s almost as if someone doesn’t want us to be here, or just like the elusive key, our presence is unexpected. Fitting, for a Divine Beast that’s high above the land, impossible for most to reach, yet we somehow made it. Apart from the piano, we have the occasional hint to rito culture, in the shape of a short, synthetic version of the rolled chords at the very beginning of Rito Village. A quiet reminder of where we come from. There is also, of course, the morse code distress signal, but we’ll talk more about that later.

As soon as this formal introduction is over, we finally get to the more, say, intimate stuff. Oh, and wouldn’t you know, it’s just tragic.

One terminal activated.

There’s no better short way I can describe this passage, other than anxiety-inducing. Especially when the strings come into play, and there’s two reasons I can think of why I feel this is an important thing to point out:

1- Characters and Symbolism.

I tend to associate stringed instruments, all of those which compose the violin family, with rito culture. And Revali, most specifically. In Creating a Champion we can see the early concept art and designs for all or most major characters in the game, and Revali’s highlighted rough design might be the one that changed the most throughout proper development of the character, out of all champions. He looks quite different from our usual depiction of him, it’s fascinating. What truly catches my eye, however, is the design of his bow.

You thought bird puns were bad? Oh boy, how do you feel about Revali having a bow that looks like a violin/cello/viola??? And do you need a bow to play it also??? Like, is it even an instrument or it’s nothing more than a mere fashion statement?-

Anyway. I believe this was originally going to be a not-so-subtle wink to rito culture, being heavily musically inclined as we can see and conclude for ourselves. Perhaps Revali was going to be a musician as well, now how cool it that!

Needless to say, the idea was eventually scrapped. But one detail I am CERTAIN carried over to the character we know and love today(okay not all of us love him but seriously if you dislike him why are you still here lol): strings. The association between bows(weapon) and stringed instruments, aside from being a quite clever and creative one, goes beyond the concept art and remains strong as part of Revali’s character, settling for having a presence via score. After all, Revali is a master of archery, so in that way it makes sense to keep strings as symbolism to reinforce the idea and drive it home.

But can you guess what other thing Revali excels at? That’s right: flying. He’s the only rito we know of who successfully managed to take advantage of wind currents and bend them to his will. And do you know what musical instruments are often used to evoke the feeling of flight and gale? If you thought of bowed strings, you’re correct! Unfortunately, I couldn’t find much support on this topic online, so you’ll have to take my word for it. I am most certain that this is fact, although not something worth discussing on the Internet, by the looks of it.

Anyhow, violins/cellos/etc are ever-present whenever we’re close to Rito Village or dealing with a rito related mission. Attack on Vah Medoh, for example, features a sequence of strings that is meant to evoke the strong winds we’re fighting against in that particular moment(*). Another great example is The Final Trial, the song that plays at the shrine of resurrection nearing the end of the Champions’ Ballad. Preceding the activation of each terminal, you’ll notice that a new instrumental element joins the crowd: the first one corresponds to the tambourines, related to the zora and Mipha; the second one are strings, referencing the rito and Revali, etc. I tell you, the moment I heard this during the trial I almost started crying like a baby. And, although strings have a lot to do with Rito culture in general, they tie most strongly to Revali, since he was the champion of his people, and his legacy carried over throughout the years. His accomplishments became material of folk tale, a legend, a source of pride and inspiration for the village. And let’s not forget that, at the end of the day, Revali is the crucial and foremost connection Link has to this place. Other than appeasing Vah Medoh, Link’s responsibility here is to free his past fellow champion’s spirit from Ganon’s malice. The soundtrack is referencing Revali first, and by extension his devotion to his home.

With all that in mind, let’s move on to our next point:

2- Nowhere to Go.

You shoot the canons, land on top of the Divine Beast, do what you gotta do, activate the first terminal and the soundtrack goes off unannounced. Like some sort of surprise anxiety bomb. The rhythm turns fast, the melody erratic, incredibly desperate in its execution. There’s this sheer despair, fear, this feeling of suffocation almost, which are so well achieved in this particular piece.

And that is, partially, because a quite familiar resource is used here as well; one that we’ve heard before in songs such as Rito Village or Revali’s theme. You could even think of it as a motif: two notes are played in an semitone interval, repeatedly and in quick succession. For the sake of later convenience, we’ll call this the Flight Motif, now let me explain why. In Breath of The Wild, this semitone loop is often followed up by some form of resolution. In Rito Village, formerly known as Dragon Roost Island(**), that resolution consists of a graceful descent of the melody, from a high that was built up previously during the motif. On the other hand, if you listen to Revali’s theme, you’ll notice that the interval repeats itself for a couple of times as thought charging up, to then rise fast and determined into a triumphal reprise of Revali’s distinctive assigned melody. This juxtaposition supposes the difference that lays between common rito flight and Revali’s trademark ability; both musical sequences are speaking of flight, albeit in two different languages depending on the way to achieve it. While the rito traditionally use their wings to glide and let themselves get swayed by the air currents Buzz Lightyear style, Revali takes full advantage of his flying capabilities to somehow create an updraft of his own, rising meters above the ground whenever he likes or needs to.

So, now that I layed out my base of thought when focusing on the strings, this’ll be much easier to explain. We’ve settled what the instruments themselves are a symbolic representation of Revali, in this scenario specifically. He was the only one inside Vah Medoh, and the score is, in a way, a retelling of what we can vaguely assume went down here during the Great Calamity, as much as it is what sets the tone and ambience for Link’s mission. But what are we hearing exactly? What we talked about, the Flight Motif, is being repeated nonstop. And that’s the thing, remember how I mentioned that this sequence usually finds resolution at the end? Well. Inside Vah Medoh,… it never does. The melody picks up in numerous occasions, but it’s not nearly as graceful, or calculated, as we’ve grown used to by now. It gets tangled and lost, and then inevitably falls to the ground in disarray. The pattern repeats itself, reaching higher after a handful of failed attempts, but no matter how much it tries, the cycle never ends. What used to tell us about flying and freedom in the skies, has morphed into an almost sinister musical incarnation of a tornado, and there is no way out of this trap. What do you think it must feel like to mindlessly flap your wings against wind currents so strong and violent, that it is impossible to get anywhere nearby, let alone take off every time you lose your balance. Or every time you’re shot down. On top of that, trying to aim and fight back in whatever short breaks and opportunities you get, at an enemy that’s much more powerful and relentless, who’s using your own element as a weapon to destroy you… it’s a risk Revali surely had to take in order to put up a fight. Even knowing full well that the odds were not in his favour, that he was most likely going to lose this battle, that he was going to die. Let that sink in. I’ll skip the activation of the second terminal, since there’s barely any change registered in the theme in general. So-

Three terminals activated.

I know this post is supposed to be a breakdown of the song purely, but that doesn’t mean there’s no place for a little theorising, and the following scrutiny is also quite relevant for our discussion. Bear with me for a bit. I’ve read almost everywhere about people’s most common interpretations on the Divine Beasts SOS signals, and how everyone thinks that Revali’s coming in last (a few seconds later than the other champions) has to do with him holding on for longer. Or, also, overconfident as he was, it means that the idea of calling out for additional support didn’t cross his mind until it was too late, and that’s why the beeping sounds more frantic and panicked than the others’ when it does appear. After giving it some thought myself, I’m betting on the latter option holding more ground, and that’s not all. I want to touch upon a detail of the piece that I never acknowledged was there until very recently(after seeing myself obliged to listen to this song fully and a handful of times, suffering every minute of it for the sole purpose of this analysis. It’s okay I didn’t need my heart anyway). Soon after activating the third terminal, the SOS signal disappears, or grows distant and faint enough that we can’t make it out from the background anymore. In its place, we’re confronted by this… shrill, piercing and painfully slow tune. It sounds synthetic, artificial, devoid of life. And it’s funny, because you know what it reminds me of? I’ll tell you:

A heartbeat flatline sound.

And I want to highlight that this doesn’t happen in any of the other Divine Beasts themes. All their SOS signals carry on, but Medoh’s is no more. This abrupt stop, followed by this bone-chilling tune…. makes me believe that Revali was the first of the champions to fall. A few days ago I came across SuperZeldaGirl’s video on a similar topic, theorising that this could very much be the case. There is not much evidence to support this claim other than some visual cues that could be suggesting to it, but after I found this in the soundtrack, and if we’re to rely on it for anything, I believe Revali was either the first champion to be ambushed by Ganon, or well…. the first to be killed. It is plausible, because short after Calamity Ganon unleashes his power, Revali parts from the group and flies directly to Vah Medoh, and he very well could’ve been the first pilot to arrive.

On this note…. we’ll have to wait and see for ourselves, when Age of Calamity provides long-awaited answers to many of our questions.

Four terminals activated.

An interesting melody is being played on what, for me, would qualify as a glockenspiel or a celesta, which are keyboard based instruments that produce a sound similar to that of a music box(***). If you want to pay more attention to it, I suggest listening to Vetrom’s Instrumental Mix Cover of the theme, where they practically zoom in on this part of the song (keep in mind that it uses the All Terminals’ time signature so it’s being played faster). For some reason, this particular addition makes me feel profound empathy. The sound of this instrument could be described as cute or childlike, magical, even. It is more often than not used to represent innocence, but I highly doubt that’s specifically the intention here. Much like the leading strings’ melody, the melodic contour of this one is trapped in a loop of going up and down constantly, but the difference is that this time around it sounds more under control. And much more uniform too. It doesn’t lose focus or takes risky, fruitless leaps, but rather chooses to stay on a path of waves that consistently rises and falls without taking detours. Like a determined battle strategy, giving it your all. You fall, but get back up again, and try again, and again. It reminds me of Revali’s approach to training, being persistent to the point of overworking himself. He had discipline nailed down to a tee, which I also think served him well in combat. It’s not just about being hard on yourself, either, but being confident and having complete faith in your abilities; believing that you’ll make it.  For this to appear now, that the SOS signal is almost completely gone, is significant because it means that by this point, being so close to success on Link’s behalf, the music is sparing genuine encouragement for once, in spite of the tragic outcome of the past and the danger of the current situation. But, in all honesty, this is probably just me reading too much into it. Perhaps the composer just thought this addition sounded pretty bitching and there’s not much else to it, which is completely fine. Although, intentional or not, sometimes coincidences do happen, and at the end of the day, interpretations like this are a form of appreciation for an artist’s work and for what they can unknowingly accomplish.

All terminals activated.

This is the moment when the song finally lightens up. Notice how the strings abandon the wave pattern for a more even contour. The beat quickens, the melody stabilizes. At first I thought, coming from our flight analogy, that this meant a cease in movement entirely, and it was partly one of the reasons why the song in general makes me anxious. But thinking about it now, …there is something different going on here. The strings are playing on a steady rhythm. It resembles a march, it’s like a pounding heart. It’s a lively, hopeful statement. And what’s interesting is that, up until this point, there was so much fear and helplessness present in the score, even going as far as to reach a dead end when we activate the third terminal. But that’s it, isn’t it? the music just keeps going further. 

It’s saying: this isn’t over yet. Even after complete and utter defeat, there’s still hope and an underlying wish to overcome this predicament, and we started to hear this as soon as a fourth terminal is activated. The melody we previously talked about? it’s here as well, and its beat is much more daring and confident.

And I just want to say… this is so powerful. Because this sentiment is deeply tied to the game’s story and Revali’s character arc. You see, he is introduced as someone who resents Link for being the manifestation of his failure, in a way, because Revali has trained arduously his whole life to be where he is, to be recognised. And yet… this hylian gets chosen by a magic sword and some tale of divine destiny and, apparently, that’s all it takes for him to be deemed the hero that will save the land. In Revali’s eyes, Link has done nothing to prove his worth before him, so it is easy to see why he despises the silent knight so much; he is yet another individual that was born into their destiny. Meanwhile, Revali has had to build his reputation from the ground up, earning him a place among the greatest warriors of Hyrule, and even then he finds himself surrounded by people who grew up praised for being born gifted.  We can see how Revali is the odd one out, and can map out the reason for him acting so antagonistic towards Link.

But once we’re on Medoh, things start to change. When Link enters the Divine Beast, Revali greets him with disdain, as per usual. Of course, Link has no recollection of whatever happened a hundred years ago, other than a small glimpse of the rito champion talking down to him, a memory that came and went in a flash. So as Link, we more than expect Revali to act cold and mocking, which he does. He provides us with as little help as needed in order to free Medoh, reluctantly, shielding his wounded pride over having to wait for Link, of all people, to come to their rescue. But you can hear him starting to open up bit by bit(I wish I could translate his dialogue directly from Japanese but I’ll make do with a couple of dubs and other numerous sources from translators online). With each little step Link takes towards success, activating the terminals, the perception Revali has of him shifts from one of resentment to one of genuine admiration and respect. By the end of it all, he is willing to not only cheer on Link during the boss battle, but to trust him with his life’s worth achievement. And once left alone, he admits defeat and lets go of his bitterness, realising that he was wrong to underestimate Link, and later wishes he could’ve had a chance to measured up to him. To take all of this into consideration and work with it in the soundtrack I think it’s genuinely splendid. And for once, I am grateful that it ends in somewhat of a positive note that puts my soul to rest. I still have a hard time listening to the first two thirds of the entire thing, but now I can look forward to a hopeful and earnestly heartening conclusion for all the pain that this composition puts me in. I must admit that it’s beautifully and brilliantly crafted, and that I am enamoured of it regardless.

That is why I wrote roughly 4k words about it! I hate myself!

If you’re as crazy as me about the soundtrack of this game, I recommend you read the published cd interview with the composers themselves! if you haven’t already. I just found it yesterday(unbelievable but it’s true) and… after writing all of this and checking it out, I felt validated. It sure is a one of a kind feeling. 

Alright folks, we’ve made it to the end. Congratulations for sticking around and thanks being interested in my nonsensical rambling! 

I also hope that you, like me, will now be unable to listen to bowed strings without being reminded of Revali. Good luck!

————– Annotations/Sidenotes/Whatever

(*)The Flight Motif(in point number 2) is also present in this track. We can hear it in the background right after the Rito leitmotif, as per usual. It starts with a clarinet, I think, before the strings take the lead. (**) Note that the Flight Motif only comes into play in the Breath of The Wild rendition of the song. (***)I strongly associate this instrument with Mipha, given that it is used in her theme, in every “response” to the initial melody. It can be heard in Attack On Vah Ruta, as well, it enters the scene when the notes Mi(E) and Fa(F) are played. The initial tune, Si and Do(B and C) are played on a clarinet or oboe, wind instruments just like the flute that leads Sidon’s respective theme. The celesta can also be heard inside Vah Ruta, activating the first terminal…. when the song really takes a turn just like Medoh’s. Mipha has nothing to do with the song of this analysis, however. We must understand that instruments, although they are attached to characters/various story elements in some cases, can always be used outside of that context, for that is the nature of an orchestral soundtrack. If you have this many tools at your disposal, you will make good use of them.

[100hearteyes]

First chapter of a fic I will likely never continue. Canon divergent. Unedited and riddled with typos. ~5k words.

Lexa straightens her posture as her horse halts just after the forest and at the first sign of civilization ahead. It huffs and hits the soil with one of its hoofs, expressing its disquiet. She shares the sentiment; Skaikru are very much an odd and unpredictable body in the grand scheme of things still.

The Sky clan had been at war with Trikru for over a decade since falling to earth, seeing as they had occupied Lexa's people's land,whrnh the Ice Nation offered them an alliance. Trikru yielded, aware that fighting both clans at once would be foolish. At the time, the Commander was from the Blue Cliff clan and no more than a religious figure, indifferent to the quells between clans. Lexa has changed that over the past few years — and is intent on continuing to do so.

"Heda." She turns her head only slightly to her right, just enough to be able to look at Gustus from the corner of her eye. "I do not have a good feeling about this."

"We both know that if it were up to you I would be locked up in the tower and never come out." She softens, regards her bodyguard fully. "You worry too much, Gustus. The Sky People will be a valuable asset for the Coalition."

"They think themselves superior just because they have guns and tech," he counters with distrust. "They are dishonourable in combat and gloat about it."

"The Coalition needs them," Lexa snaps, and that is the end of it. "And, hopefully, they need the Coalition, too."

Arkadia, capital of the Sky clan, is by all means an impressive sight, very different to anything Lexa has ever seen. Everything is metal and a heavy grey; from the wall protecting it to the pair of guard lookout towers, to the massive gates with the 'Arkadia' lettering on top. From her elevated position, Lexa can see a main building that rises slightly above the wall and takes up about a quarter of the whole area, and other smaller buildings sprinkled about the space left vacant by it. It is evident that while the Arkadians had no say on the positioning of the main building, they planned the city around it, since everything else is so geometrically placed, including the grey dirt roads that trace an intricate cobweb that winds through the empty spaces and gives the city an air of concrete orderliness. However, everything pales in comparison to the giant wheel propped just to the side of the main building, presumably what was once meant to surround the ship that Sky People lived in up in space before they fell to earth. It is clearly one of the few things that have resisted the decades unadulterated, even if it has been repurposed, as Lexa assumes from the sillhouettes of people climbing up and down its inner arms. It is a formidable sight, even for those more averse to the marvels of the world that Skaikru left back in space and have ever since tried to recreate on Earth. Nonetheless, Arkadia as a whole is an obtrusive presence in the midst of the greenery and unwavering power of nature. It makes Lexa almost squirm on her saddle, uncomfortable with such a demonstration of stubborn inadaptation — no village, town, or city should be so violently at odds with its surroundings.

They approach the city slowly and with only half the warriors she brought along, so as to indicate that they mean no harm — and make sure no one will frame it otherwise. Lexa's retinue is mostly made up of warriors, amongst them her personal guards, but she was also careful to include two of her most trusted diplomats; people who will negotiate in her stead when need be and will work to make sure that those on her side remain there. They are people who work the complicated web of politics and favor better even than her.

As they come closer to Arkadia, its inhabitants crowd close to the walls, looking at Lexa and her crew as though they are wild, fascinating animals. Such is the consequence of isolation. Lexa watches as a small group gathers just outside the walls and recognises Marcus Kane, chancellor of the Sky People, at the head of the greeting party.

Finally her group come to a stop just a few feet from the Arkadians and Markus of the Sky People steps up to greet Lexa with a genuine, welcoming smile. "Commander," he says in greeting and extends his hand. "It's such a great honor to have your visit."

She nods and grips his forearm. Marcus of the Sky People is a pleasant man, both in appearance and personality. His luscious hair and thick beard frame kind eyes and a jovial smile that make him extremely likable. Soft-spoken and invested in every conversation he takes part in regardless of its actual importance, Marcus of the Sky People is a dependable fatherly figure. He is also fierce and wise, however, and Lexa likes him even more for that.

"Chancellor Marcus Kane," she greets back, careful to use his full name, as Sky People do. "Thank you for receiving us on such short notice."

She lets go of his arm and lets her hand rest on the pommel of her sword. "We're just lucky you're here at all," he replies honestly, then turns to the rest of his group. "Please give your warmest welcome to the Commander, Lexa kom Trikru." She appreciates the effort to use her mother tongue — details like that can make the difference between a successful deal and a failed one, for it builds bridges where there are none. Marcus is a proficient builder of diplomatic bridges.

The first person to step forward is a woman in her forties like Marcus, though the lines of her face are more tired and severe. She looks like a woman who looks death in the face every day and when she extends her calloused hand for a greeting, Lexa realises that is exactly the case. "I'm Abby Griffin." Lexa clasps Abby's forearm and she spies a special brand of kindness in brown eyes that tells her that this woman is not only a caretaker, but also a mother. "I'm a council member and Chief Doctor of Arkadia and Skaikru in general."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Lexa says as Abby takes a step back and a new member of the greeting party comes forward. "Raven, I assume," Lexa nods, clued in by the girl's oil-splattered cheek. "Your fame precedes you, tech master."

The girl beams, dark eyes shining brightly, and salutes. Her ponytail swings with the movement. "At your service, Commander. I hope your visit proves fruitful."

"That makes two of us, Raven of the Sky People."

"I'm Bellamy Blake." Lexa turns to the man that has stepped forward and clasps his outstretched hand instead of his forearm. She can tell that this is a man who likes things done his way; insecure enough to need to underline his status. "I'm in charge of all things military and security."

"A general, then," Lexa recognises. "Are you Octavia Blake's fabled brother?" She is careful to use her Sky People surname and not her Trikru suffix lest he become even less friendly.

His nose crinkles and his freckles dance angrily beneath dark eyes and unruly, short curls of hair. "Haven't seen her in almost a year since she got it in her head that she wants to be a barbarian."

Lexa lets the comment slide. "She is a fine warrior. My people are very lucky to have her."

He grunts and gives way to the next council member, a middle-aged woman with a gentle smile but a fear of the unknown in the way she clasps Lexa's forearm. "Hannah Green. Farming, hunting, and other resources," the woman greets. "Council member, too."

Lexa nods her acknowledgement and watches as Hannah kom Skaikru steps backward. Her replacements are two tall, robust men, their dark skin, eyes, and mannerisms nearly identical, though the younger one is more genuine while the older one has an air of arrogance about him.

"I'm Wells Jaha and this is my father, Thelonious," the young man says pleasantly, and Lexa likes him right away. She clasps Wells's forearm, then Thelonious's, and even their grips are different. How can two men look so alike and yet behave so differently?

Just from the introductions, Lexa is slightly worried. Bellamy, Abby, Hannah, and Thelonious will vote against entering the Coalition; a number that exceeds that of Marcus, Raven, and Wells. The chancellor has the deciding vote, but it will be for naught if the numbers do not even out.

The final person steps forward at last. A girl around Lexa's age, with blonde hair and determined blue eyes. "My name is Clarke," the girl greets, her voice husky and only moderately welcoming. Lexa studies the girl, looks for twitches and tells, but cannot read her at all. It is worrying; the last thing she needs at this point is a wildcard. She can tell, however, that her own first impression is lacking. "I'm in charge of urban and regional planning, and foreign affairs." Lexa extends her arm for greeting, but Clarke leaves her hanging. A golden, sceptical eyebrow is quirked and Clarke's eyes are narrowed, and it is all Lexa can do not to growl at such insolence. "Let me decide first if you're worth shaking hands with."

Lexa takes a deep breath and tells herself that punishing Clarke kom Skaikru's impertinence is not worth wasting the chance to draw the Sky People into her Coalition. So she purses her lips and clasps her hands behind her back, letting her posture straighten and her chin rise with defiant authority. Her eyes burn into Clarke's. "Very well." She turns to Marcus, who seems to have blanched considerably. "Please lead me to my quarters, Marcus of the Sky People. The day has been long and we have much to discuss tomorrow. I would like to rest."

~~~~

Arkadia isn't home. But it also is, because she has never known another place. Nevertheless, she has never felt at home inside its dull grays, angry lights, and obstinate refusal to fully mesh with its surroundings.

Clarke isn't one to fantasise about what could be; she locks her dreams inside drawings of another life and lives what is instead. There is no space, no time to wonder on the ground.

Still she can't help musing about a world where she would be able to travel between clans freely and adopt another as her own. She can't help musing about a world where they wouldn't have to fend off attacks from the other clans, even if the Ice Nation has helped them through the more difficult times. That is exactly why she finds the idea of a coalition so appealing — it's eating away at her, however, to entertain the idea of it being led by a tyrant like Commander Lexa.

She's heard all the stories and she knows which ones are true. She knows of the Commander's thirst for glory and power. She knows of her ruthlessness and disregard for human life. She knows of the Commander's penchant for spilling blood and autocratic style. She knows and she saw it all in the Commander's conceited bearing, in the cold press of full lips, in the raised chin of a despot; she saw it in the way the Commander's eyes flashed with anger, the only display of emotion during an otherwise frigid interaction.

Yet the cry for change reverberates through the halls of Arkadia, which thrums with the need to be more. And Clarke... Clarke wants the best for her people. Always. So if she deems joining the Coalition the right step to take, she will vote for it no matter how tough a pillow it will be to swallow.

Another tough pill to swallow? Kane's reproach for the way she talked to the Commander.

"It was unacceptable, Clarke. You embarrassed the Commander and risked being beheaded on the spot." It means something when Zen Kane gives you such a talking-to. "You shamed us all."

"Stop right there, Marcus." Oh, yes. Your mother defending you does make the situation a hundred times better. It's not at all ignored for being biased. "I think you're being unfair. Yes, Clarke should've minced her words, but she didn't same us."

Kane's eye roll is exactly the reaction Clarke's expected. "Look, Abby. I know you're her mother—"

Abby's affronted look is even more predictable. "This has nothing to do with—"

"Enough!" Kane and Abby as well as the rest of the council look at her. Clarke looks at each of the six other faces sitting around the semicircle-shaped table and then at Kane, who stands alone at the straight side of it. She sighs. "I made a mistake. I put us in a difficult position. I'm sorry."

Kane nods his approval. The small, dark room lends him a more solemn, even poetic appearance, and the way he cups his bearded chin while he thinks makes him look like a philosopher. "Thank you for acknowledging your mistake, Clarke," he says kindly as he lays a companionable hand on her shoulder. "There will have to be consequences, however."

She expected nothing less. Despite the little show she put on before the Commander, Clarke knows her place. "I understand, Chancellor," she nods, and feels more insecure the moment his fatherly hand leaves her shoulder. Her dad died years ago and no one will ever replace him, but the way Kane behaves towards her reminds her a little bit of what it was like to have a father. She's grateful for it; she misses the comfort of her dad's hugs and the pride in his smile.

The moments before he finally doles out her punishment remind her why she doesn't like this room — it's cold and dark and has an ominous feeling to it that makes her feel trapped. Like everything discussed in her is always too serious. It often is. She much prefers the strategy meeting room with its rectangular, waist-high table that causes them to stay standing and its glass-like boards with maps and notes written into them with colorful pens. It's also larger — so much larger. It's better illuminated, too.

Finally Kane stops thinking and meets her eyes. "You will be the Commander's shadow. An ambassador. You will show Arkadia and whatever else necessary to her and you will be her guide around here. You will make sure she has everything she needs and you will handle everything relating to her presence here."

Clarke can't help but scoff. "You mean I'll be her damn babysitter," she challenges.

"Yes," Kane acquiesces, not giving in an inch. "That's exactly what you will be."

"You can't be serious," she presses, because this is too heavy a punishment for her offence.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, then scratches at the side of his beard. "Look at it this way: you will be able to get to know her and her culture better and it might help shape your vote. I know you're the only one of us who hasn't made up her mind yet," he notes with a meaningful look. And yes, he's right. Actually, her vote is pretty damn important because with the way things are it will decide the Sky People's fate altogether. "It might help you decide that being a part of the Coalition is nothing but trouble for us, or it might actually change your mind and show you that the Commander's intentions are not so bad after all. Whatever the outcome, it will have been a good experience."

Clarke knows he's right, but she can't imagine spending two weeks with the Commander and not confirming that she is indeed a bloodthirsty savage. Alas, she owes it to her people to at least try.

"Fine."

~~~~

Lexa is not unused to the bustle of early morning, the sounds of the city rousing to life outside, the doors that open and close and the voices that speak in hushed tones so as not to wake those sleeping. They often wake her anyway. What she is unused to are the boots that clank on metal, that fans that whir along the halls, and the flickering, buzzing light provided not by candles but by a hollow opening in the ceiling.

She left Anya outside of Arkadia to set up camp with the rest of her retinue. Gustus came with her, along with a handful of warriors and diplomats. Despite reason, she does not think they will be at risk inside the walls of the ally of their enemy. Besides, having Gustus by her side — or in this case, in the next room — is like having an army of twenty. Lexa trusts him with her life and that of those she loves most. There was only one time when she trusted him and he could not keep someone she loved safe. It wasn't his fault, despite the tears of guilt and regret that ran down his face when he came back, battered and bloody and without Lexa's lover. It took weeks for his wounds to heal enough for him to leave his bed. Months later, he would finally admit that it had not been ten warriors he had had to fight off, but thirty. Lexa never blamed him, never even imagined blaming him for what happened. There are only two people she has ever blamed for it — one of them is herself.

Lexa gets ready for the day in motions automated by the years. She resents Skaikru for not having proper bathtubs; she doesn't dare touch what the server girl from last night called a shower, so she foregoes washing altogether. There is a river nearby she can bathe in anyway. Once her pauldron is resting on her shoulder, its weight and looping red sash a permanent reminder of her station, Lexa leaves her bedroom, only to register with disapproval that the Sky Council did not assign anyone to guard her door. Instead she finds Gustus waiting for her, no doubt already having sent whoever he assigned to her door away. "Heda," he greets with a bow. "How was your night?"

"As would be expected," she replies, keeping her face neutral as she notices Marcus's approach. He sends her a warm smile.

"Commander." They clasp forearms with comfortable formality. "I hope you had a good night's sleep."

"The mattress was stiff. But I have spent much worse nights in foreign clans." It is both criticism and a compliment, and she knows it leaves Marcus slightly disconcerted albeit resolute to make sure her next night is better. It keeps him on his toes without outright insulting his hospitality.

"We'll look into the matter." A pause, then another smile. "In the meantime, I'm sure you would like to eat, Commander?" He waits for Lexa to nod before leading her and Gustus through numerous halls, walking by doors left and right. Lexa peers curiously as they pass by a by room lined with tables and people eating. "That's the mess hall, where almost everyone eats, but I'm sure you'd like to have a more... discreet meal, if you will. I've arranged for breakfast in my office."

"I wouldn't mind eating with your people, Marcus," she says truly as they come to a stop at a door, two staircases later. He fishes a key from his pocket and inserts it in the hole.

"Of course, Commander. But just for today, for your very first meal here, I thought you would appreciate something not as overwhelming."

"I do," she nods.

He opens the door for her and she stops into a room with a wooden desk and a mismatched chair next to the far wall. A battered couch sits against one of the walls to one side and on the other are several maps and eerily realistic paintings nailed to it. A lamp hanging from the ceiling provides light to the entire office and an open door near the couch leads them to a more open, free space. Marcus motions for Lexa to enter it and she is pleased to find a small, semicircular room with large, tall windows on the round wall that oversee Arkadia from two stories above. There is a round table in the middle with three chairs around it and several dishes waiting for Lexa's hungry stomach. Looking out the windows again, she wonders if this is a room they had up in space before the Sky People fell to the ground and if they could see the stars and the Earth from there.

"Did you live there? In space?"

Kane is now standing next to her and looking out the windows with his arms being his back, a pose that very much mirrors her own. It takes him almost a minute to reply; when he does, it is not without a sigh she cannot decipher. It sounds like nostalgia laced with relief.

"The Ark fell down about thirty years ago. I was just a kid then, twenty years old and sure that I would become someone important one day. Which I did," he acquiesces with a rueful smile, "but not for the reasons I wanted it then. The ground shaped me. I've spent more years on the ground than I did in space already. I have... changed a lot since then. I was eager, too ambitious, and too overzealous in following the rules. The ground taught me that rules need to be interpreted. I'm still eager," he chuckles, and Lexa almost lets a small smile escape her lips, "but what drives me now is love for my people. I want what's best for them, not for myself. And that," he turns his torso to her with a raised eyebrow and a kind smile, "is why I want the Sky clan to be a part of the Coalition."

"What do I have to do to make sure our common goal is achieved?" Lexa asks with caution as he turns back to the windows. She needs to tread carefully.

"Convince Clarke," Marcus says easily. It is as she thought. "Everyone else has their mind set. I have the deciding vote, but right now we are at a disadvantage. We need her yes to tie with the no's and activate the deciding quality of my vote. Otherwise, it's just a vote. Anyway." He turns to her again and extends an arm towards the table. "Shall we eat? Food's getting cold."

Lexa eats mostly in silence while Marcus tells her stories of the Ark, the stars, and their planet seen from space. She keeps her expression neutral, but is secretly fascinated and hangs on to his every word. She barely notices when she has finished eating and Marcus leads her out of the room. She is shocked out of her awe when he opens the door to his office to reveal none other than Clarke kom Skaikru.

"Commander, I'm sure you remember Clarke Griffin," Marcus says pleasantly. Lexa's eyes do not leave their new company's.

"Yes, our first meeting was... quite memorable."

Clarke has the decency to lower her gaze to the floor in a clear sign of shame. When her eyes return to Lexa's, she sees honesty in them.

"I wanted to apologize for that, Commander. I was unnecessarily rude," Clarke admits, and Lexa has to fight off a triumphant smirk. Instead, she dips her head in wordless assent. An uncomfortable silence spans for several long seconds, before Marcus clears his throat.

"So. Clarke will be your guide here, Commander. She will be at your disposal for anything you need and will help you acclimate to Arkadia. I genuinely hope that all your future interactions will be better than the first." He finishes with a warning glare at Clarke, who once again ducks her head in embarrassment. His attention shifts back to Lexa. "Commander," he nods. She nods back wordlessly and then he's off to somewhere else, leaving her alone with Clarke.

Lexa is not a fan of employing clichés, but the silence is deafening. Neither she nor Clarke know what to say or do now that Marcus is not there to act as a buffer. Eventually, Clarke clears her throat, thus ending their torture.

"I hope you enjoy your stay in Arkadia, Commander. Today, I would like to show you what each sector does around here."

~~~~

First, Clarke takes her to see the farms. Lexa is impressed with the technology they employ, some of it simple enough that the other clans can replicate. They lack the knowledge earned through years of experience, however, and Lexa can visualize how the other clans can help the Sky People complement their scientific expertise with conventional wisdom. The same would be true for hunting if her people were keen on using fire guns. Instead, it is a foregone conclusion that the Sky People have much to learn before they can hunt in an effective way that will truly allow them to live fairly comfortably through the harsher seasons.

During the day, Lexa realises that Clarke is bright and ingenious, though judgemental and opinionated. Lexa can see that the Sky Council member is making an effort, however, so she does not make her job too hard. Clarke talks her through her clan's decision-making process, some general laws and traditions, the way religion evolved on the Ark, and how the ground contributed to diminish the gap between classes.

"We all need to work to survive," Clarke explains. "Some people will always be lazy, some will work more than others, but opportunities are never amiss. If you work hard enough, life will be merciful. Or as merciful as it can be on the ground," she adds as an afterthought. Lexa takes the chance to point out that life can be easier for the Sky People if they ally with her. Clarke counters with a smirking 'maybe' and moves on.

Lexa feels a quiet sense of wonder, muted also byba slight prickle of fear and discomfort, when she first enters the medical aisle. Everything is white and pristine, and there are machines as big as Lexa that both sit the patients down in comfortable seats and lloom over them with big, mechanical arms. There are beds everywhere, an organised chaos of machines, healers, and patients. Lexa feels miserably out of place, but she can't help but marvel at how advanced the Sky People seem to be in terms of medicine. This her people can learn from.

"Raven has managed to build more equipment and make our medical aisle as effective as it can be." Clarke's husky voice provides pleasant commentary on all the technological wonders around them. "A lot of the doctors are still in training, but soon we'll have a hospital ready to answer everyone's needs."

Lexa turns to Clarke, dips her chin in a slight nod. "Our methods are more traditional. We answer many needs, but often find ourselves lacking the means to further our expertise. Our healers could learn a lot from yours," she says. Clarke turns to her with a pensive crease between her eyebrows. "And maybe they could teach your healers how to draw from nature to cure many ailments."

"That's... not such a bad idea," Clarke concedes, and a smile ghosts over pink lips, making the beauty mark above them tip upwards. "But we would have to think things through very thoroughly. That is, if we joined the Coalition."

"Of course."

Their day draws to an end when the sun has already hidden behind the walls of Arkadia and the sky is the same purple that colours its flags. Clarke explains to her that each of their cities is represented by a colour and together they form a rainbow. "I may have had a hand in that," Clarke confides, although the meaning of her sly smirk is lost on Lexa.

Clarke takes her to the door of her quarters and it is not until Lexa is about to nod her goodbye that the Sky leader clears her throat and extends her arm. Lexa's eyes take in the proffered arm, then find Clarke's gaze with a raised eyebrow. Clarke purses her lips and takes a deep breath.

"Look, I am— genuinely sorry for... for what happened yesterday. My behaviour was unacceptable."

Lexa is tempted to punish Clarke a bit further, but decides to offer an olive branch instead. She clasps Clarke's forearm and feels soft fingers wrap around her own. "You are unwaveringly protective of your people, Clarke. I can appreciate that."

Clarke's small, grateful smile is worth the concession.

~~~~

The next morning, Lexa leaves her quarters to find Marcus and Clarke waiting for her. Once all pleasantries are exchanged, the Chancellor invites her, with an eager tilt to his voice, to have the first meal in the mess hall.

Lexa accepts the invitation with polite words and Marcus takes the front of their little group of four, Gustus included. Lexa and Clarke walk side by side just a few steps behind.

"I hope you are liking your stay here, Commander," Clarke says after several seconds of silence.

Lexa gathers her thoughts before she answers carefully: "It is in many ways an experience unlike what I am used to. The sounds are different, the clothes too. There is no shortage of metal."

Clarke hums in agreement. "Technology has its pros and cons. Against it is the fact that you find yourself turning your back on your surroundings." Lexa's eyes must hold a question in them, for Clarke answers it immediately: "When everything you need is inside a wall, you end up exploring the world outside less and less."

"Maybe I can help your people find their balance."

Clarke shrugs noncommittally, but Lexa spies indecision in her eyes. It is not until some seconds later that Clarke decides to voice her thoughts.

"The problem with alliances is that they only last for so long. Eventually one clan's needs trumps the alliance's and everyone falls back into their old, warring ways."

Lexa understands Clarke's doubt; it has plagued her sleepless one too many nights. However, it is not just a matter of conviction. Lexa knows that if she manages to find a balance between codependency and independency, she can keep the Coalition alive for many ages. She wants her legacy to be enjoyed by many commanders after her.

"Clarke, I am trying to build something that will last for many generations. An alliance that will stand the test of time, a brand of peace that will outlive all of us," she says, unable to keep a thread of passion from her voice. "Something much stronger than the Pauna's fist and far greater than a hero's glory. War breeds legends, peace feeds civilisations."

Clarke's smile is teasing, but Lexa recognises it for the deflection that it is. "Nice speech, Commander."

She shrugs and lets her eyes glint with mirth. "I am not above making rousing speeches to sway your vote, Clarke."

~~~~

(there was more but it was incomplete so I figured this would be the best place to cut)

[imagineyourself]

Teacher’s Pet- A Spencer Reid Imagine

Spencer Reid x fem! psych major! reader 

A/n: Hi guys, I’ve watched 9 seasons of criminal minds in 2 weeks, so expect a lot of criminal minds stuff coming! Also, kind of want to write a part 2 to this so lmk if you would like that! 

Gif is not mine creds to @toyboxboy​

Warnings: violence, swearing, mentions of blood and knives

Word count: 2.6k

“The unsub is likely in a position of power, well respected, maybe even admired. He works with young people, probably a teacher or professor. We need to find him, and fast before he kills another young girl.” Rossi spoke to the room of officers. The room disperses to begin searching for the killer, 4 girls are already dead. 

“Rossi, I think I found the connection between the girls.” Dr. Spencer Reid turning away from the board with the bodies taped to it and a file in his hand. “They all shared a professor.”

“They all went to different schools, different majors.” Morgan interjects.

“He is a professor at multiple universities, and they’ve all taken a psych class at some point, mostly introductory level. He must have connected with them during that time.” Reid continues.

“Who is it, dammit, Reid?” Hotch said.

“A Professor Deslaurier, professor of psychology, which explains why he was hard to find. He’s one of us. But better than that, I think I know who his next target is.” 

*campus cafe around the same time* 

“I’m not saying that I’m ready to start dating again, but I would love to see what that barista’s got going on.” My best friend said grabbing her coffee from the counter, winking at the barista drying mugs. 

“Oh my god, keep it in your pants, you and Garrett just broke up. Like 2 days ago. You were devastated, remember?” I remind her, gently shoving her with my elbow as we sat at a table by the window.

“His name was Garrett so clearly he isn’t that hard to get over. But anyway what’s up with you relationship wise, any new people?” She presses her lips to her coffee cup, as I pull out my laptop from my bag.

“You and I both know nothing is happening in that department. School and work is taking up all my time, and I can’t help but ruin dates with my charming personality.” I pull up my latest essay for my criminal psychology class, only 5 words on the page: my name, the date, and the class.

“Stop going all psych major on people when you’re on a first date or you’ll be alone forever.” She rolls her eyes at me as she glances out the window. Her eyes squinting in concentration, so I follow her gaze seeing a group of people in FBI uniforms talking to campus security. 

“What the hell?” I say watching one of them glance around and look at the campus cafe and nod his head in its direction. The agent made his way over to the shop and steps in looking around, scanning like he was looking for someone. Then his eyes land on me. 

He rushes over to the table, but his face and voice remain calm despite the urgency in his walk. “Are you Y/F/N Y/L/N?” 

“Yes, I am. What’s going on?” I look between the man and Y/B/F/N.

“I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, and I’m going to need you to come with me.” He flashes his badge as fear washes over my face. “You’re not in trouble, don’t worry.” He smiles as I pack up my stuff, my essay still not begun. 

I say goodbye to my friend, and leave with the mysterious Doctor. “So what’s going on and why do you need me? Or better yet where are we going?”

“Good question, do you have an apartment or dorm of some sort where we can go for a while?”

“Yea I have an off campus apartment just up the road. We can spend some time there, but why? Am I like in danger or something?” 

“We have reason to believe you’re the killers next target.” He keeps me close as I guide him to my apartment. These are not the circumstances with which I would prefer to have this beautiful doctor be coming with me to my apartment, but it just be like that sometimes. 

“Who would want to kill me? Why?” I ask as I approach my apartment door, unlocking it to allow us inside. “And what am I supposed to do to stop it?” 

“That’s why I’m here, to protect you in case he comes to harm you, and it’s Professor Deslaurier who is attacking his brightest female students.” 

“Hank wouldn’t do that. He was so kind,” I pause thinking about everything I’ve learned in my classes, “and I’m an idiot. He was manipulating me so I would trust him. He knew I was vulnerable and exploited that, and he’s a textbook narcissist.” 

“Psych major?” Spencer asks as I sit on my couch with my head in my hands, wrapping my head around the fact that my favourite professor wants to kill me. 

“Yeah, so I should have seen the signs. But I guess being a target is what happens when you’re stupid enough to trust the first teacher who approaches you.” I start crying, this sucks. The doctor, Spencer I think he said his name is, hands me a tissue. I take it graciously, a small smile creeps onto my lips at the gesture.

“It’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known he was a crazy serial killer. You were just being a good student, but you said that he approached you?” He sits next to me on the couch letting me lean on him slightly.

“Yeah, he came up to me after a lecture, raving about one of my essays and how my perspective was fascinating and came from a personal place. He basically decoded me from an essay. Where is he now?” I pull myself together enough to sit up, seeing the tear stains on his sweater. “ I’m sorry about your sweater.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he smiles and looks down at the stains I left. “We are trying to locate him now and put him away so he can’t hurt you or anyone else.” 

“So what am I supposed to do until he’s caught?”

“Do you have anything here to work on? Homework or test to prepare for? I’m a great study buddy if you need help.”  He smiles as if he’s not here to protect me from my crazy killer professor.

“Actually I do have a criminal psychology essay due in like 10 hours.” 

“10 hours?! Why have you been putting it off? Unless the topic is something uncomfortable to think about?” 

“You said your name was Spencer, right? Is it okay if I call you that?” He nods, still waiting for me to answer the question. “Well, Spencer, the essay is about what would make us snap, or our stressor as you guys call it, and kill people. Like searching through our traumas to see what would be the last straw. It’s not exactly a pleasant thought.” 

Spencer looks into my eyes, deep like he’s reaching for my soul. He’s trying to profile me, but making it look a lot harder than it is. “You’ve been through a lot before: tough childhood, bad relationships, things like that,” I nod my head averting my eyes “But none of those things means you’re going to become a killer. Stressors only work if you let them, and I’ve had years of profiling experience and from the short time I’ve known you I can safely say you are incapable of killing someone.” 

“How are you so sure? You barely know me?” I look up from my hands and gaze into his eyes, they are the warmest honey brown color. 

“You and I both know you can learn a lot about someone without having to know them for a significant amount of time. I am highly skilled in the area of subtle detections and putting together clues to build personalities from fragments.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. I can’t hide anything from you because you already know it, so you are already well aware that I am incredibly attracted to you. I may not be an FBI profiler, but I can tell you like me too.” I put my hands over his, seeing his cheeks flare pink at the gesture. I lean closer to him, feeling his breath on my face.

Until he suddenly pulls back, but it was forceful. He didn’t want to, but he had to. I was about to apologize for how inappropriate it was, he’s just doing his job, but he starts before I can talk.

“Your essay is due in 10 hours, more accurately 9 hours 47 minutes and 22 seconds, and you haven’t started. Work on your essay, it’ll distract you from the current situation.” He stands and paces the room as if trying to come up with the best solution to a problem. I just couldn’t tell if the problem was me or the case. 

I was going to argue with him, but I sighed knowing he’s right. I need to write my essay so I don’t fail my class. The screen burns my eyes as I stare at the practically blank screen. The sound of my fingers running across the keyboard fills my small apartment as I figure out my story. I stop for a moment after several minutes of furious typing and look up.

“What are some typical stressors of serial killers?” I ask Spencer giving him the opportunity to use his genius brain to help me. 

After 4 tortuous hours of writing and editing done by Dr. Reid, I hit submit on my essay. I high five the young doctor in celebration, but he catches my  hand and intertwines his fingers with mine instead. The air catches in my throat, I’m speechless. Now it’s my turn to blush at a small gesture. He holds me for a moment, gazes locked on each other. I lean up to meet his lips, but a knock at my door disturbs the quiet of the room. Reid puts a finger to his lips signalling for silence. 

“Y/N open up. I know you’re home.” A voice calls from the hall.

“Hank.” I whisper, frightfully looking at Spencer pleading for some direction in the situation. How am I supposed to know what to do when my crazy professor shows up at my apartment to kill me? He nods his head toward the door as he creeps in its direction silently, gun in hand. He looks hot when he’s in agent mode. Wait, not the biggest issue right now, focus Y/N. I stand behind the door, looking over at him and he nods. I open the door slightly. “Hey Professor Deslaurier, what’s up?” He looks distressed and frazzled, but I would too if the fucking FBI was trying to find me for being a serial killer. 

“I’ve been looking for you.” 

“Uhhhh, I’ve been working on a paper. Do you need something?” I stand close to the door, practically hugging it as if my life depended on it. Reid’s presence behind the door went undetected by my professor since he stepped closer to the door. 

“The paper must be amazing, you were always an amazing writer. May I come in?” He wasn’t really asking, his foot in the doorframe. 

“I would rather not, I’m very busy. Deadlines and all.” I push the door closed, but before I could he shoves his way in. I walk backwards into the open space, consciously making an effort not to let Deslaurier know Reid is there by looking at him, which became incredibly difficult as he came closer to me pushing my back into a wall. 

“You were always so intelligent and strong headed, but now, you’re just weak and pathetic. Aww look at the panic in your eyes. You can’t think your way out of this one.” He pulls a knife from his pocket and presses the flat side to my neck and I whimper. I squirmed in his grasp and in a moment of panic, I look at Reid. Deslaurier’s gaze follows mine and meets the agent standing in my apartment, gun cocked. Suddenly the cold, hard wall I was pressed against became warm and soft as my killer holds me against him like a shield, a knife to my throat. “Who is this son of a bitch?”

“I’m Dr. Reid with the FBI. Release her, put down the knife.” Spencer points his gun at the floor, knowing he would be unable to get a shot that wouldn’t hit me. 

“Oooh, a doctor she chooses smart guys to whore herself out to.” I squirm in his grasp. My neck burns as the sharp edge of the weapon presses into me. 

“I’m just here to protect her from you. You aren’t as clever as you think you are, you know? We caught you. You can’t hurt anybody anymore. Drop the knife and let her go. Now. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will. Let her go.”

“Spencer, please.” I whisper, tears streaming down my face. I’m probably going to die, I’ve accepted that. I just don’t want Spencer to see me go, I can tell this is killing him. Agent or no agent, this is an awful situation to be put in. 

“Does she mean something to you, Doctor? I wouldn’t get attached if I were you, she’ll just throw you away like she did to me. Best and brightest in my class, but just another stupid girl outside of it.” If looks could kill, Deslaurier would be dead under Reid’s gaze. His eyes soften when he looks at me, giving me hope. With a sudden rush of adrenaline, I swing my leg back into my capture’s knee, dislocating it in the process. The knife sliced through part of my neck, just barely missing vital veins. Spencer takes his shot as the professor falls to the ground, catching me in his strong arms as I fall forward. 

“Hey, hey, hey look at me. You’re going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine. We’re going to take you to the hospital and get you stitched up. Okay? Just keep looking at me.” He holds me as we sit on the floor. 

“Spencer…” I whisper and everything goes dark.

Beeping and whispers fill the room as I open my eyes. I’m sitting in a hospital bed, what happened? Why does my head hurt so much? 

“Hey take it easy. You’re in the hospital, you lost a lot of blood.” Spencer says, standing next to my bed taking my hand.

“What happened after I blacked out? How did we get here?” The beeping becomes incessant as my heart races.

“Relax, it’s okay,” He squeezes my hand and the beeping softens, “My team went to your apartment and took care of Deslaurier, I shot him in the shoulder after you kicked him, which good job by the way, even if it caused you to get hurt. You ended up getting a nasty cut on your neck, but it missed any critical veins.”

“Thanks.” I smile looking at our hands.

“You know you scared me half to death when you lost consciousness.”

“Well, sorry, I’ll try not to almost get murdered by a serial killer next time.” I smirk sarcastically as he laughs stroking my cheek. 

“Yeah, thanks.” 

“You know, we were in the middle of something before being rudely interrupted.” I look up at the gorgeous doctor who happened to save my life. 

“Oh yeah, where were we again?” He smirks, lowering himself closer to my level in the bed.

“Right about here.” I pull him close, kissing his pillow soft lips.

[trulycertain]

I see you are rewatching Daredevil, and I was curious of what you think of the ableism in the characters themselves (because we all know how bad the show messes up itself). Personally, I find some of the actions of the characters pretty ableist at times (like Foggy asking if Matt, his friend of many many years, was lying about being blind after finding out he's a viglante. Or Karen and Claire asking him about his disability rather intrusively at times).

Oh, this is a really good question! And I also think it’s one I’m not really qualified to answer. But I’ll try, from my perspective. 

I think the characters in DD are meant to be flawed, and you’re right, ableism is absolutely one of those flaws. I feel like in Foggy’s case in particular, we’re meant to know that it’s a cruel thing to do, not a neutral action. The “Are you even really blind?” is when we’re seeing Foggy at his most horrified and hurt and furious, in an absolute crisis situation, and he’s both questioning everything he ever knew and going for a below-the-belt shot. (But it does matter that his mind stuck there so quickly. I think the ableism is in how he can get his head around everything else, nearly, but it takes a good while to work out the whole “Blind? Not?” thing. Not just the logistics, but in how far he’s reassessing how he relates to Matt.) And notice that we get a reaction shot at that point so we can see exactly how much that question hurts Matt. See also: “And to think all these years, I felt sorry for you,” which to me is the worst part of all that, and is the show very intentionally twisting the knife and going, Hey, you’re seeing this guy at his worst. From anyone else, Matt’d maybe smile and nod and then rip ‘em apart in court, but it’s his best friend of years, someone he doesn’t want to hurt, even though you can see him getting hurt and frustrated and wanting desperately to defend himself throughout that conversation.

But yeah, there’s plenty of well-meaning but awkward and, probably for Matt pretty isolating, fumbling in the show. Even putting aside how the guys met at Columbia (I’m gonna take Matt at his word that he’d rather have the honesty and have a laugh than people not knowing what to say round him), you have, yup... Karen and Claire. And Elektra, later on. I think that we’re meant to see Karen’s questions as her being overly, intrusively fascinated with Matt in general, and making it obvious she has a thing for him that can seen from space, but with the nature of her questions and how they contrast with the way the show chooses to matter-of-factly show Matt’s braille labels and display and all his gear, and everything else he does, and not linger or have long-winded audience-surrogate explanations about them... I feel like it’s meant to come off a little weird. Even Foggy raises an eyebrow and a half. And both of them acknowledge that they probably shouldn’t be fascinated by all this, so if push comes to shove, I think the characters would probably call it ableist too. Claire’s questions are sometimes medical, but I think mostly about trying to understand the superpowers, and while I get frustrated at “But what does that... look like?” - nothing, Claire, the answer is probably nothing and it’s going to be a metaphor for his mind’s eye, and trying to put it in sighted terms means you’ll always be scrabbling for answers - I feel like she’s the most matter-of-fact person about this. Though she does have her moments. (”I met a blind man who can see.”)

I’d also argue Matt has some serious internalised stuff going on, though that’d probably take a post on its own to talk about and I’m even less qualified there, and it’s not treated as a character flaw in the same way, because his arc is different to the secondaries’. Anyhow.

I think in general, there’s an interest in examining character flaws throughout DD, and you having to get past them or make peace with them to really jive with the show - Matt’s tendency towards violence to solve a problem, and sometimes putting The Mission ahead of individuals; Karen not being honest with people at times when she needs to, because she’s used to not being believed; Foggy trying desperately to balance his friendship with Matt and his own needs and running the firm... For instance, if you apply real-world logic, the show breaks for you, because vigilantism inherently tends to fall apart in real life. You kind of have to run with it. So on. I think this is meant to parallel the characters themselves trying to make peace with those flaws, and is a way of getting you into their heads. The show is trying to ask you uncomfortable questions at times; it’s just whether it pulls it off. The narrative treats the characters’ instances of ableism as one of these questions, in my opinion. And whether it should - this is where I pause.

This is why I say that, for all that above, I’m not exactly qualified: I’m sighted, and I think the show presumes a sighted audience. (And I bet there’s a ton of stuff I’ve missed.) I feel like the show does treat these instances as ableism, with one problem: it also shows this ableism as a forgivable flaw. And one’s mileage is going to vary hugely on that. There seems to be an assumption none of this will be a dealbreaker. And while it isn’t a dealbreaker for me, I can absolutely see it being for someone else - whether that’s someone who’s sighted but just can’t get past these character flaws, or whether it’s someone who’s actually had to deal with some of this sort of shit, or whether it’s someone who hasn’t had to deal with this shit but fears it. Or you might be dealing with all of that and it might not be a dealbreaker at all. I know a few fans of the show and these characters who aren’t sighted, and they’re legit too. Depends on the person.

[sepublic]

King and Lilith's Similarities

           Another thing I love about King is that, as a rather stark contrast to his cuddly appearance and demeanor… He’s arguably the member of the main trio who is the darkest, in terms of how far he’ll go to be selfish, to hold onto what he does have, or to get what he wants?

           I think the thing about King is that his issues of dependency are the worst, not just because he’s the most insecure of the main trio… But I also think he’s the only one of them to have been alone alone, in a sense? Back home, Luz at least had her mother Camila, who while not always the best, was clearly loving and contributed a lot towards Luz being such the kind and open-hearted person she is today! Eda had her sister Lilith as well as that one friend from the Bard Track… And while she WAS alone for a while, she at least had Owlbert and Hooty as companionship!

           But what did King have? We don’t know for sure what his life or backstory was like, but the implication seems to be that, at least for a while… He literally had nobody else prior to Eda! And it’d definitely tie into his issues of loneliness and attachment, and King’s concerns of being abandoned as seen in Really Small Problems… This would’ve likely contributed towards his Napoleon Complex and desire to be seen and heard, to make up for constantly being overlooked! And his desire to have control over others could be a means of keeping them close at all cost…

           Because King is the one who’s gone the farthest to get what he wants. There’s leaving Luz behind to be a famous author, and then that whole mess in Really Small Problems! He IS trying his best, but amidst his more experienced nature with Luz… He really does sometimes come across as, like, a KID who was forced to grow up very quickly? The thing about King is that he’s the most prone of the trio –if not the only one- to be prone towards jealousy! He doesn’t have Eda’s self-confidence or Luz’s unconditional kindness. He’s probably been lonelier than either of them, and unlike the other two, King doesn’t really feel like he has any other talent or power that could help him get through in life…

           …Which, as @fandomfan2000 brilliantly pointed out, is a LOT like Lilith! Both characters feel like they lack talent and skill to make up for their shortcomings. They’re both people who DO legitimately love and care for the people in their life… But they’ll sink to lower depths than anyone else to hold onto what they have, or even get a glimpse of that unattainable dream that they KNOW they’re not good enough to actually get on their own! Lilith and King are both people who will do terrible things, hesitantly or otherwise, under the impression that it won’t last as long, or everybody else has it so good, so why not let themselves have a turn at being happy and selfish for once?

           King takes advantage of Eda’s half-cursed state to take over the Slayground. Lilith curses Eda for what she thinks is only a day (and will merely weaken her magic) to get into the Emperor’s Coven. King accidentally causes Willow and Gus to shrink, after holding onto the potion without necessarily intending to use it, but not getting rid of it either, and decides to briefly benefit from the situation. Lilith did… well, EVERYTHING she did in Agony of a Witch, and then there’s also disregarding Amity’s autonomy and integrity to plant that Power Glyph onto her neck without permission!

          Both King and Lilith, if they feel their singular bond with another being threatened, if they think that other person is going off to leave them… They WILL react negatively to those other friends ‘stealing’ their companion of theirs! Hence Lilith’s dismissal of Luz and King, or King’s negativity towards Willow and Gus! They’ll do it to maintain their sole connection in life, because isn’t it already enough for that other person to be so confident and meaningful, to be able to make friends on their own? Aren’t THEY enough as a friend???

           It’s an almost willful ignorance, a hesitant dismissal of the ones they know and love, because… Look at them, they’re so much more confident than me! They’re always happier, they can make it on their own and recover, with or without me…! I can’t say the same for myself, it’s not really MY fault I was born without the skills or talent they have… Surely it’s not so terrible for me to be selfish just this once? I’m always being left behind and suffering, I have no other CHOICE…!

           …But in the end, King has to admit that he DID have another choice. That his own pain is not at all, even for the slightest bit, justification for prioritizing his own feelings over the others’ in such a blatantly-disregarding way. There’s prioritizing one’s happiness in life, and then there’s hurting the ones you love to get what you want! And while it takes a few decades, Lilith finally also turns around… Because by the end of the day, both characters are also marked by eventual regret that they try to hide, and/or don’t handle productively.

           Perhaps not just by circumstance and process of elimination, King was the one to vouch for Lilith! He was there when she recounted HER side of the story, and a jealousy of Eda’s strength that he feels guilty over is something he can relate to! Obviously there’s also the fact that Lilith hurt him the least of the main trio, not to mention the necessity of having her as an ally and all, but….

           …I think all of King’s prior moments of selfishness and arguable ‘backstabbing’ have led up to this moment. Led up to this moment where he understands Lilith, and thus KNOWS what she means, and can recognize that she’s genuine when she wants to make up for things… Because he’s been in the same place. Obviously he never went as far as Lilith ever did… But that’s also because he had such a loving and reliable support network of friends! Eda’s connection with the main cast is more of a support network than what she and Lilith had with one another as kids, admittedly.

           And I think it’s funny. King is –probably- younger than Lilith, or at least has a more childlike mindset… But he manages to come across as more mature and experienced than her when it comes to these sorts of things! King is a character defined by contrast; He’s cute and fluffy and adorable, but wants to take over the world and open revels in bloodshed and violence! He comes across as sweet and loving but he can also be dark and selfish! At times King is childlike, but there’s also a tragic experience and maturity to him from an implied loneliness in the past…!

           Like, I think I want to see King and Lilith get along more in Season 2, or at least… Sort of bond over the mutual feelings of inadequacy. Of justifying themselves of needing to do the ‘right thing’, but really it’s for their own sake? These two are selfish in a dark way, they’ll resort to terrible things and they have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings in their hearts that they don’t want to acknowledge, but aren’t predisposed towards handling either! I can really imagine King and Lilith seeing themselves in one another… Learning to be more mindful of their own actions after considering what the other does!

           Maybe the two will even learn to open up to one another about their more uncomfortable feelings and the thoughts they aren’t so proud of! But at the same time, these two will make sure to hold one another accountable… Tying back to this idea of contrast, Lilith and King know each other least out of the trio-plus-Lilith, and yet they have the most in common! And in the way of antics, I can imagine King affording himself some smugness over being the one to teach the former Head of the Emperor’s Coven, and Lilith having reservations over listening to this plush toy of a person… But ultimately, there’s a certain bond and kindred connection there that they don’t quite have with the others! Just as each relationship one has with another person is unique and meaningful in its own way, and one wouldn’t necessarily judge or compare the others as being ‘more’ or ‘less’!

           The thing about King and Lilith is… After doing a bad thing and hiding it, they’ll try to work to approach the issue in a way that absolves themselves of the blame without outright admitting to how they caused it; Again, see Really Small Problems, or Lilith cursing Eda! Both King and Lilith will let themselves feel smug and triumphant over what happened, even if they aren’t always proud of it… Because they see themselves as people who’ve had to work smarter than others to get where they were, and do the pragmatic, necessary thing because pride and integrity are a luxury of the powerful and talented! They see themselves as underdogs and define themselves the most by this ‘role’ in life…

          Fitting, given all of the comparisons of King to a dog in the past! Not to mention Lilith and King are both, well, DUMB, dumber than the others in the cast at least! And some of that ‘dumbness’ comes from willful ignorance no less…! And they’ve both had experience enjoying the role of being a teacher and possibly abusing that authority… In particular, I think Lilith and King are the ones most fascinated with the concept of having power over others and using that power a bit irresponsibly, or turning a blind eye to any issues that come with their support of a cruel system! It’s like Lilith is a dark reflection of King… Both are characters who will flex a perceived superiority over the rest and mean it, given the chance! Both view the role of teacher as that of an authority figure.

           They can also be, well, cowards- When King’s antics begin to backfire on him, he quickly runs back to his friends, and with Lilith… Well, there’s her using Luz as a Meat Shield, her relying on the curse and doing it against her vulnerable sister while she’s asleep… King and Lilith aren’t as confident as others and are more likely to buckle in to their own personal fear and anxiety, so it makes sense for them to buckle into fear in general; As seen with Lilith’s less-than-dignified scream when she’s suddenly ambushed by Eda in Sense and Insensitivity! And THAT was a King-centric episode, no less! It’s that common theme of King and Lilith seeing themselves as inherent screw-ups and doubting their own abilities as a result, which leads to them using the abilities of others, just as Lilith has to buy a curse made by someone else instead of casting her own!

           It’s such a fascinating parallel that I’d really never considered, and again, I feel somewhat personally-beholden to @fandomfan2000 for this BRILLIANT comparison! I know I’ve compared Eda to Lilith in the past, and Lilith to Luz… But I think in the end, she might actually have the most in common with King, the more I think of it? Maybe I’m just caught in the high of this revelation, but it really makes me think about how the parallels between Luz, Eda, and King, with Amity, Lilith, and Kikimora/Belos… It’s not just a one-way parallel, that these connections can also cross overas well! Eda and Amity are talented, Lilith and Luz are more like ‘underdogs’… Belos and Luz could have parallels amist the ones they already have, and King and Kiki are both tiny little gremlins!

           These parallels are arguably interchangeable, and it’s fascinating to me! These characters overlap in a lot of ways, it’s not that they’re connected to THIS one person… It really contributes to this idea of everyone being inter-connected, almost like a community or unusual family of sorts! And it makes room for a lot of fascinating, alternative pairings that one wouldn’t consider, as well as connections and possibly precedents in-universe to compare with others and speculate upon!

           And, it makes me wonder if we’ve gotten the parallels wrong all this time… If it’s actually Lilith-King, Luz-Belos… And if so, how do Eda, Amity, Kikimora, and Hooty factor into all of this? Or if it’s not REALLY that simple as one person is connected to another, in the end, because these characters don’t fit into neat little roles, they’re still their own people irrespective of that and allowed to form other bonds and connections as well! King can’t keep Luz to himself, he has to acknowledge that she has her own friendships…

          Just as Lilith must do the same with Eda! And by having these other relationships and shared connections with others instead of just THE one, it allows these characters to be truly fulfilled, because unless the one friend they have is a complete and total clone of them… There are others who will relate to them more on other facets of personality! And that ultimately ties back into the idea of people who are independent actually forming more meaningful bonds with others than those who are just dependent! That it allows people to form more of an identity, then just their single relationship with this particular individual!

[potscenarios]

Omg! So excited! May I please request how Sanada, Shiraishi, Atobe, Niou, and Kite would confess to their long time crush? Thank you and best of luck with the blog! ♥️ Love PoT so much, I miss the fandom :(

My very first request yay! I knew there are still people around!! Thank you so much for sending in something, sweetie! I hope to see you around ♥️

(Also I'm so sorry this turned out so long lol)

Sanada

Let’s face it, Yukimura and Yanagi are probably the ones who first noticed how different Sanada is whenever he’s around you, his crush. And since they judged that their friend’s crush has been going on long enough, they’re probably the ones who tries to get the ball rolling and hints at Sanada to just confess already.

Confessing is a big thing for this man, because he will only do so when he’s 99.99% sure that he wants to have a serious relationship with the other person.

Knowing his family background and his personality, of course he would get all traditional about the whole process (i.e. if you have an older brother, he would probably have tried to get his permission to 'court' you first before he actually does he's so precious omg)

He starts by inviting you out along with your friends and some of the tennis club members, so you won't feel awkward with him alone. It's also a good chance for him to get to know your friends more, which he will need to do when he becomes your boyfriend anyway. Sanada also knows he's not too good at talking so he wants you to get more comfortable around him in general. When your response is positive, then he starts to invite you out on real dates - just the two of you.

Throughout this whole process, only when he has verbally heard from you directly that you do enjoy having him around, he finally finds his courage and is convinced to take the next step. On the actual d-day itself, he's oddly out of it and you're probably going to misunderstand his silence as boredom or something like that, but when he finally, finally finds the opportunity to confess, it'll blow you away because of how unusually soft and sincere he looks.

"We have known each other for quite some time. This might sound unexpected to you, but I have found myself thinking of our future together on several occasions. I realize that all these time, I have been longing to stand by your side, not just as a friend, but as a partner. If you will... would you honor me with the title of your boyfriend?"

Shiraishi

Literally plans out everything for over a week down to a t. And by everything I mean everything.

Researches the best date spots (How far are they from your house? How busy will they be at the d-day? If it rains, are there any other alternative spots nearby?), the best restaurants to dine in (Are the food healthy? Will they adhere to your preferences? How many stars does the restaurant have? What's the best time to eat there?), the best possible place to confess (How atmospheric is it? Are there any risks of being interrupted? Is there any way he can reserve the place or something along the line?), the weather on that day (Sunny? Windy? Rain? Snow? Humid?), etc. Everything has to be perfect.

Shiraishi takes you to your most favorite places, opens the door for you and makes sure you're seated on your chair before going to sit on his own, politely rejects girls who swoons over him (which seems to always happen when you go out - one time you tell him he needs to stop looking like he just came out from a fashion magazine and he just laughs), and escorts you like the perfect textbook definition of a gentleman for the whole day.

Despite his research though, things can't always be a hundred percent perfect, so there are actually some parts / events of the date where Shiraishi isn't completely satisfied with, but you honestly don't notice because he had been so kind and accommodating, so of course a few mishaps here and there are tolerable (and they're probably mostly not his fault anyway)

He's composed when he finally confesses, but inwardly he's frantically freaking out and he's constantly trying to gauge your reactions because he will pull back as soon as you look uncomfortable - at the very least, if he’s rejected, he doesn't want to destroy your friendship.

"Hey, [Last_Name]. Do you think I'll make a good boyfriend? .... I'm glad that you think I would. Then... Do you think we'll make a good couple? I personally think we would. And honestly, I want to make that reality... What do you think?"

Atobe

He has the confidence and the means to make the most extravagant confession on Earth, so why should he hold back, right?

Due to being around him for quite long, though, you're most likely already used to his eccentrics, so you wouldn't think too much about it when he actually asks you to go somewhere with him, thinking that he just doing his usual 'this-ore-sama-will-show-you-his-prowess' antics.

He takes you to a newly built indoor 'garden', where a wide variety of plants are grown and cared for. Actually, ‘garden’ is an understatement. There are several 'greenhouses' that hosts different kinds of plants, apparently imported in from all over the world. Strange trees and flowers grows everywhere, the air is cooling and fresh because of all the plantations, and as you walk down the path surrounded by lush greens, you're very much awed and fascinated by everything.

But that's all nothing compared to the man-made waterfall he takes you to as your last destination. You can only stare in wonder as you watch the rushing water, not realizing that it's especially cold in this 'greenhouse' until Atobe gentlemanly drapes a shawl he prepared beforehand around you. He then takes you around the small forest around the waterfall and you both walk up the stairs to find that there's a modern looking restaurant that looks more like a villa, situated just at the right height and distance to have the perfect view of the waterfall and its surrounding area.

You'll find yourself sitting at the comfiest dining chair in your life, sipping the freshest orange juice, row upon row of your favorite foods coming out one after another. And just when you're finishing your dessert, all smiles and relaxed, and you thank him for the fun outing, that's when he confidently drops the question.

"Let me make this clear. Ore-sama doesn't just treat anyone this way. You're special. You're the only one who is good enough to stand equally beside me. Don't you agree? Of course, I'm only accepting nothing but 'Yes' as an answer."

It's only way later into your relationship when you realize that the place he took you to is owned and constructed by Atobe himself. When you ask your boyfriend about this fact, he finally admits (with a very proud smirk) that he built the whole thing just to confess to you lol

Niou

I personally think his confession wouldn't exactly be 'planned', in a sense.

He just has to tease you, his adorable crush, every chance he has. Just because he likes to see focus your attention to him and he thinks the angry / troubled look on your face is the cutest. But after a while it comes to the point that his pranks and teasing remarks are getting more and more frequent, and it’s getting too much to your liking. He doesn’t exactly take your verbal protest seriously, so you end up giving him the silent treatment, just to let him know that enough is enough.

Niou, who is already used to have you around and has taken your presence for granted, is suddenly left to his own thoughts because you're either running away from him upon seeing him, or isn't showing any reaction when he manages to catch up to you. Honestly you probably just want him to lessen his teasing, but the impact of your action is bigger than you think.

In the end, after a long lecture from Yagyuu (the lecture itself was boring but he was forced to sit seiza for a whole hour and his legs hurt like hell) and Yukimura's simple but straight-to-the-point comment ("Hm? Is [Last_Name] avoiding you lately, Niou? It's because you've been borderline mean to them, you know?"), he realizes that he has to make things right.

He's surprisingly gentle and serious when he asks you to have lunch with him one day, and you feel a little bad for making him feel so guilty, so you accept. It's already shocking that he hasn't done or said anything that's remotely playful all the while you're walking to the place you're supposed to have lunch in, but he's treating you so gentlemanly you almost suspect he switched places with Yagyuu.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you hate me, and I didn't think I would annoy you that much. I've reflected. I should have treated the person I love more preciously. I promise I'll be better! So don't hate me, yeah?"

“.... Niou? Did you just say..... ‘the person I love'?”

"Huh? .... Puri. I guess the cat's out of the bag, huh? ... That's right. I really like you. I find your teary face really adorable, but I still like it best when you smile. So will you go out with me? I promise I'll never let you cry from sadness."

Kite 

This scheming and calculating man!! Kite will only confess if he has already studied up your behavior and has determined that you do harbour interest in him as a love interest. From there, it’s a strategic battle for him to bring you two even closer.

He would subconsciously condition you to be more dependent or just overall be closer to him. I can actually see him create certain situations where you would have no choice but to accept his help, or for you to offer your help, being the kind soul that you are.

Like the time where he invites you to watch the tennis club practice, and it just so conveniently rains, and it just so happens that you lost your umbrella, and so when he offers you to walk you home, what can you do except comply? And if on your way he purposefully timed your walking pace so that the car on the street drives by a rather big puddle, resulting in him 'shielding' you and getting his uniform all wet, how could you not invite him into your abode so he can dry off first? If he doesn’t have the opportunity to be alone with you, trust me, he will create one.

It's not that he's doing all those things with ill intent in mind though, and he's definitely not trying to hurt you. His goal is to make you feel like you need him. It's just his way of getting you to fall in love with him lol

Surprisingly though, I think his actual confession would be pretty 'normal'. Okinawa generally has nice beaches, so he would take you to a nice and relaxing beach walk, finishing off with dinner on an outdoorsy type restaurant overlooking the sea, where you both can watch the sun set against the horizon with soft live music in the background. Overall, when the atmosphere is nice and solemn just shortly after the sun finally sets, that's when he finally speaks.

"[Last_Name]-san. You are a wonderful and intriguing person. To be honest, I didn't think you would still be sticking around after all this time, but as with many other times, you continue to surprise me. At first, I was merely curious about you, but soon enough you flawlessly turned my curiosity into attraction. This is troubling. I will have you take responsibility by going out with me."

[newtxtinaforever]

Happy Birthday Tina!

Hello there! Today's one shot is sponsored by @neighborhood-newtina-reblogger, a tumblr that I greatly admire. Okay, it's not technically sponsored by the blog, but it did provide the prompt/idea for this one shot, which I will include at the very end in case you want to know what it is. Also, the fanart above belongs to @sydsketch and partially inspires my fanfic as well. Don't want to put the prompt at the beginning and spoil the story, so without further ado, I hope you enjoy this little piece of my Newtina heart. Oh, and happy birthday Tina! ☺️

3rd POV

"Oh, Newt. She's perfect!" Tina exclaimed happily, a smile brightening up her usually tense features. It wasn't that the American witch held a grudge against smiling or having fun; quite the opposite, in fact. She was so used to being responsible that her default look was to come across as a professional who took her job seriously. When she was with Newt, however, she couldn't help but smile. His light-hearted nature simply had a way of making her feel like she could let her guard down and didn't have to worry about what kind of person Newt was. Having fought alongside him in the fight against Grindelwald, Tina knew she could trust Newt. It was a good thing because he had just given her a creature to call her own.

"Really? That's wonderful to hear. I hoped you would like her but I wasn't completely sure if you would be interested in-" Newt was quickly interrupted by Tina's warm words of gratitude. "I love her, Newt. Thank you," she replied. Her eyes sparkled with a light reminiscent of the creature that currently rested in its small glass case. "What's her name?" Tina asked softly as she admired the speckled salamander. Newt blushed before replying, "Well, I thought you might like to name her seeing as she's yours." Both pairs of eyes connected for the briefest of moments.

"Of course!" Tina blurted, although she soon regained her composure. "I'm not quite sure where to start, but I'm sure we can think of something." Newt's tender smile at Tina's inclusion of the word 'we' went unnoticed for the most part, yet the tone of their environment was clearly evident. It was nearly impossible to miss the delicate care each person felt for the other, so alive and tangible was it. The silence that settled in during certain moments of the conversation were not uncomfortable, but peaceful instead. Surprisingly enough, Newt was the next one to speak up.

"Keegan," he uttered cryptically. Tina tilted her head to the right by a dozen degrees. "Who?" she wondered aloud, her sharp eyes fixed on Newt. The famous magizoologist remained quiet for several seconds until Tina cleared her throat. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was simply suggesting Keegan as a name, but I understand if you don't like it. She's yours, so feel free to choose whatever name you feel is best."

Tina lowered her gaze to the ground, then extended her head upward. "The name's fine, Newt. And I want you to be included in the naming process, trust me," she said with reassurance in her voice. Newt smiled. "What about Thea? She's the Greek goddess of light, which is fitting since salamanders feed off of fire, right?" Tina inquired. She waited for a response from Newt, but he appeared not to have heard her. Beginning to wonder if something was wrong with him, Tina repeated the end of her previous sentence. "Right, Newt?"

The man in question displayed signs of life after what seemed like forever. His nose was scrunched as if he had caught a whiff of rotting maggots while his eyes blinked ferociously. What was going on? Tina prompted Newt to explain his behavior, although it took some serious persuading. "The name sounds a bit like... well... like Theseus, my brother." Tina nodded her head in agreement and decided to move on. The last thing she wanted was for her new companion to remind Newt of his older brother.

"Perhaps you might consider Idris. It's Welsh and can mean 'fiery' depending on the language." Newt explained gently. His voice was rich and full of childlike wonder, much to Tina's delight. It was rare to find such a kindred spirit in a world where brute strength and power was often congratulated. Tina tried not to let her emotions become too obvious as she lovingly murmured, "I think Idris is a lovely name. Thank you, Newt." Once again, both pairs of eyes connected and lingered; the result was pure fascination and ultimately love.

With their eyes still fixed on each other, Tina closed the space between them. Her long, thin arms wrapped themselves around the middle of Newt's back. Much like their prolonged glances, this embrace was personal and private, something that was special between them. Tina was keenly aware of Newt's reservations regarding the hug, so she made sure to take baby steps while reassuring Newt at the same time. Her fingers brushed lightly against Newt's back, the warmth from her hands radiating through his pale blue shirt. With a great amount of hesitance and care, Tina tightened her grip on Newt. Hopefully he wouldn't feel uncomfortable; that was the last thing Tina wanted. Nevertheless, she held on to him, refusing to let go just yet.

Nearly a minute had passed before Newt reciprocated the hug. Unbeknownst to Tina, his eyes watered and a huge grin spread across his face. Both sets of arms rested gently on the other's back, a sign of peace and acceptance. It didn't take long for Tina to pull Newt in closer, more confident this time. Any lingering doubt as to whether or not Newt would perceive such intimate physical contact to be desirable was gone. She knew that he would understand just as she had learned to understand the roundabout way he comforted and complimented her.

With an overflowing heart, Newt Scamander enveloped Tina in his arms; pure, sentimental emotion surrounded them. Every part of him wanted nothing more than to freeze that moment and remember it forever. Not only was it rare for Newt to desire physical contact, but it was also rare for him to feel so content as a result of it. In Tina, Newt found appreciation and compassion. Despite miscommunication being a continuous issue between them, the two old souls always managed to make things right. If Newt was honest, Tina completed him — to a certain extent. He hadn't felt that his life was 'less than' without her, but he did notice a change whenever she was around, whether physically or in Newt's thoughts. She was someone who helped him restore his jaded view of humanity, and for that, Newt was grateful.

The embrace continued for several more minutes, Newt mentally recording what it felt like to be so close to Tina.

The scent of her hair, the touch of her hands. Newt was so mesmerized that he even dared to lift Tina off the ground, just a couple inches, and spin her very gently. It was instinct and had occurred before he could stop himself. Never before had he allowed his emotions to come off so strongly in the presence of another human being, and he had to admit: it felt freeing.

As for Tina, she experienced similar sentiments during their embrace. Mind racing, heart soaring... Since when did Newt display such sudden outbursts of affection? While Tina was slightly confused by this, she didn't question it because of her elation. If Newt was comfortable enough to be so physically close with her, she took it as a sign of growth and was proud of him. Each second that passed served as a reward earned by the energy both had spent in order to fight against the evil forces that threatened wizards and muggles alike. After years of fighting, Newt and Tina were given a moment of reprieve. A moment to be still, but more importantly, to be happy.

For Newt, happiness took the form of feeding his creatures. This was nothing new, but having Tina by his side — her eyes full of adoration — made the event much more enjoyable. For Tina, growing closer to Newt served as her main source of happiness, although she also happened to find it in the pursuit of wizardkind's most elite criminals. After all, being an Auror was an important part of Tina's life. The fact that her devotion to justice nearly managed to get her killed was unfortunate, yet Tina had put it in the past where it belonged. She needed her job because it allowed her to protect innocent lives, and that was something Tina would never stop pursuing. Whether it was a sideways smile or a lengthy yet tender hug, both Newt and Tina were fond of the little things in life as well as each other. Nothing, not even Grindelwald, could take those feelings away from them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Below is the prompt for the above one shot ⬇️⬇️

I want Tina to initiate newtina’s first embrace. And I want it to happen in a happy context. I want her to realize that maybe Newt isn’t bold enough just yet to make that move, so she takes control and latches onto him. It won’t be like when Theseus hugged him, arms and back stiff the whole time. It will be at first, while he takes a few seconds to process what’s happening. In those few seconds, Tina is fully aware he’s processing the situation, so she holds him even tighter to reassure him that yes, she’s here. She wants this. She will wait. And once he finally accepts that, I want Newt to reciprocate her embrace with an enormous grin on his face (bonus points for misty eyes). I want him to wrap his arms around her back and tentatively return her gesture. Tina pulls even tighter to erase that last bit of questioning how far he should go. Then, Newt fully wraps her up in him, encasing her with his arms and body as completely as he can (bonus points for a little pick up and spin or something extra cute like that). And they stay like that for a while, just appreciating each other. Wordlessly processing their emotions. Surrendering to their feelings. Just being together like they want.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E95 (February 18, 2020)

Tonight’s guests are Matt Mercer and... Matt Mercer!

Announcements: Cinderbrush: A Monsterhearts Story, the Valentine’s Day one-shot, is available on the YT channel! A new episode of All Work No Play aired today with a ghost-hunting episode featuring Laura Bailey---Twitch VOD available now, up on YT on Thursday! There are still some tickets available for autographs and pictures at C2E2!

Episode 95: Blessing in Disguise

Stats for this week’s episode: Guidance has been cast 100 times, and Polymorph has now been cast 50 times. Matt is 63 NPCs away from 1,000 in campaign 2.

Matt wasn’t sure what to expect of the group’s offerings for the hag. “I didn’t expect the scale of some of the things that were being offered. I was kind of surprised by Nott’s immediate considering of furthering the war.” He notes that it makes sense with her character. “Knowing where Beau’s arc has gone, it was really interesting to have her be willing to give up the things that were important to her.” Given how much would have had to be sacrificed, Matt honestly thought it was going to end in blows.

Matt’s thought process on Jester’s whole exchange with the hag: Matt notes that even if Jester had tried to regrow her hands, it wouldn’t have worked due to the curse, so he was mentally working through the possible ways she could resolve this, and he was thinking about how to make sure she’ll still be able to have fun with the game. He couldn’t read whether she was genuine about the self-sacrifice or was gearing up for a fight. In Matt’s mind, taking the cupcake was the last thing the hag needed to win Jester over and lock the deal in, so it made sense that she’d be easily persuaded. He was definitely suspicious but wasn’t sure if she was just going to call in her friends or attack or what. The specific way Jester worded the Modify Memory wasn’t too dramatically opposed to the hag’s nature, so she was just confused. “Ended up just being really proud. You didn’t only trick the NPC, you tricked me, which I relish.”

Matt was considering Artagan as feeling a little overwhelmed. “Jester definitely represents his most important confidant.” He was planning for him to reveal it either at or just before Travelercon, but that show of cleverness with the hag was something that Artagan would take as “okay, maybe she can help me beyond what I’ve already asked of her.” Matt loves getting to play a character with such an inherently chaotic nature who’s looking at the world as his personal playground.

Matt enjoyed all the correct guesses about Artagan. “It makes me excited that people are following along so closely and are picking up the threads that I’m dropping. It means that I’m not doing a terrible job about laying down the tracks. Sometimes the surprise isn’t the joy of telling a good story, sometimes it’s about rewarding people for following along and figuring it out.” He also notes that you can still add additional twists along the way.

Matt enjoyed getting to play Artagan off a different set of characters’ perspectives. He also liked that it hit home to the players that the decisions they make in one campaign can impact what happens later.

Cosplay of the Week: Vex in the snow! (Casualty_Cosplay on Instagram, photo by Emma_Metcalf10 on Instagram)

Matt’s push against using C1 connections in the group’s C2 characters was more about avoiding direct connections to C1 that would make it feel like C2 was just a continuation instead of its own story. Artagan felt distant enough and only situationally involved with the first campaign---Vox Machina were his origin story, but he didn’t bring Vox Machina into C2′s narrative. The timing of the Artagan reveal was dependent on Jester’s interactions with him: how many questions she asked, how often he was or wasn’t absent. Matt planned Travelercon to be probably the latest possible moment for the reveal.

Matt consciously keeps the world and the NPCs’ plots going regardless of what the players are doing. He can’t plan too much because he doesn’t want to push the players too much, but he tries to think of a few “possible loose assumptions” and plan around those to avoid being completely blindsided (or at least attempt to avoid it). 

Who stands out as Matt’s most-loved/identify-with-the-most NPCs so far in this campaign? “I mean, Allura, but that’s both campaigns, that’s not fair. I would say, early in, probably Watchmaster Bryce.” Also Yeza, who’s becoming more like Matt as he gets more development. “Elements of Essek. Essek’s a delightfully complicated character.” He got much more involved in the story than Matt was expecting.

Matt’s poker face dropped during the discussion of Thoreau’s exchange with the hag being living in dread: he was so pleased that he’d set that up well enough for the players to figure it out.

“As an entity that comes from the Feywild and has existed in a space that is a similar sphere as Melora, the Wildmother, but does not necessarily subscribe to the idea that this one entity should represent all elements of nature, and, in a sense, his existence is a mockery of religious faith, he could sense that in [Fjord and Cad] and felt uncomfortably close to his zone of faith and influence. It was less that he was bothered by them, but more that they stood out because they represented things in similar spheres that he didn’t necessarily agree with.”

On dealing with the morality of a purely chaotic character. “I’ve known people like that.” While he doesn’t personally feel a kinship with that notion of chaos, he can see the appeal. “I definitely don’t agree with it, but it’s a fascinating place to mentally live within a character. And then taking a character who’s always lived that way and giving them responsibility.”

Fan Art of the Week: Jester and Artagan! (by ChryseusWitch on Twitter)

Artagan’s willingness to show his face was partly because he didn’t give a shit about the rest of the Nein aside from how they’re important to Jester, but also because of Jester’s supportive stance. “Right now, he’s more invested in them as utility, and he pretty much said that."

On repeatedly messing with Taliesin’s characters’ families: “Look. I work with what I’m given. When your party of characters hands you largely tragic backstories revolving around their parents, I’m not going to deny that. I just have to find a creative way to bring it into the narrative that hasn’t been explored in the story thus far.” He had to come up with a narrative reason for why they never returned but was more complicated than just “they died”. He hadn’t even thought of the Stone family connection until he’d planned the rest of it out.

Matt hadn’t made the connection between CR’s dramatic rise and Artagan’s panic over sudden additional responsibilities. “Maybe subconsciously? It’s all so weird. I can see definitely the threads between them, that seems similar.” He and the rest of the crew are willing to try to take on the weight of that responsibility, whereas Artagan is in a panic and trying to escape it.

[rosileeduckie]

Hello! I'm so sorry to pile on your asks but could I please request Hawks for the tickle asks? 👉👈

I have a prompt to write later for him, so I should probably be able to answer these for him 😊

1.       on a scale of 1-10, how ticklish are they?

Let’s say 7!

2.       where is their most ticklish spot(s)?

If y’all don’t know, I love me some ticklish wings. So we givin Hawks crazy ticklish wings, especially right where they sprout from his back. Much of his back is a hot spot, as well as under his arms and on his feet.

3.       which spots are they not ticklish?

His stomach and legs aren’t very sensitive.

4.       what is their laugh like?

Bright and loud, a happy cackle. He’s proud his laugh fits his personality with how obnoxious and energetic it is. Softer tickling makes him giggle and snort, but few have seen that.

5.       do they enjoy tickling? if yes, is it a fun platonic/familial thing, or romantic thing to them, or can it be both depending on the circumstance?

Yeah! He loves tickling or being tickled as a playful thing. It’s softer tickling that is reserved for romantic moments for him.

6.       are they more often a lee or ler, generally?

He’s a pretty perfect switch. He’s happy as a lark to make someone else a laughing mess or become one himself.

7.       who is someone in their life that they tickle often?

He’d definitely be the kind of person to tease people and other heroes for being too uptight by tickling them with a flick of his wings (if he thinks he won’t get his wings torn off in the process; albeit admittedly, he’s gotten some unexpectedly responsive reactions (i.e. someone like Edgeshot cornering Hawks and scribbling under his wings until he can barely lift them)). And then he’d tickle a partner plenty, equally as teasing but more of a proper back-and-forth rather than just in passing.

8.       who is someone in their life that they get tickled by often?

I don’t know the canon of his personal life, who he’s close to and such, but I’ll say he’d be most comfortable being tickled by a partner. He loses a layer of cockiness when he’s a cackling mess, and there are only a few people he would let see that. He can keep it up for a while if he’s being tickled by another hero who doesn’t know his spots or how much he’s enjoying himself, and that’s fun. But he also appreciates being tickled by someone he can let his guard down around.

9.       does the word “tickle” or any variation of embarrass them?

Yes, but he can hide it pretty well.

10.   are they embarrassed about their ticklishness, and do they try to deny/hide it?

He won’t deny it outright, but he’s so sarcastic and teasy in general that people assume he isn’t or that his revenge would be too terrible to warrant finding out.

11.   would gentle tickling or rough tickling affect them more?

Both, but it depends on what he’s in the mood for. He’s got a particularly incessant brand of snark for when he wants to be wrecked, and he’ll stretch and show off spots when he wants something gentler.

12.   is there a specific spot that they enjoy being tickled, either exclusively or more than other spots? what is it?

It’s convenient, because everyone is fascinated by his Quirk, so his wings often get attention. Rough tickles under his wings are unbearable and fun, and soft tickles under their feathers are relaxing. Especially after a day of hero work when his wings are small and fluffy—he’ll tolerate “chicken wings” teasing only if its accompanied with soft wing tickles.

13.   is there a spot that they can’t stand to be tickled, either because it’s just too sensitive, or it’s uncomfortable/painful/etc? what is it?

None that immediately come to mind.

14.   would they ever purposefully bug a friend/partner/sibling into tickling them, and if so, how would they go about it?

Have you met him? He would absolutely provoke someone else into tickling him—pushing buttons, being cocky, teasing with his own feathers. If he’s impatient, he might outright ask—“Why don’t you take me down a notch then?”—well, as outright as he can manage.

15.   does teasing affect them?

Yes, but he teases back with a vengeance to combat the effect. It works on occasion.

[brightbeautifulthings]

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

"'What if sometimes there is no choice about what to love? What if the temple comes to Mohammed? What if you just love? without deciding? You just do: you see her and in that instant are lost to sober account-keeping and cannot choose but to love?'"

Year Read: 2014, 2020

Rating: 5/5

Context: It's hard to know where to begin writing a review for this book. I read it for the first time in graduate school in about five weeks (alongside everything else I had to do in grad school, so I don't recommend that), and it basically blew my mind. At the same time, it's hard to imagine tackling it any other way for the first time. Despite its difficulty, there are things obsessive and immersive and, appropriately, even addictive about it. Full immersion might be the only way to read it for the first time, and I obsessed about it for months afterward. Since I'm not on any deadlines, I took it more slowly this time (21 weeks) so I could enjoy the writing and the nuances without the pressure to finish. For my less coherent weekly updates in real time, see my blog posts. Trigger warnings: Everything, everything. Death (on-page), child death, animal death, suicide, suicidal ideation, rape, pedophilia, possible incest, child abuse/abusive households, graphic violence/gore, eye horror, severe injury, drug use, addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, depression, OCD, grief, racism, ableism, transphobia, sexism, inexplicable hostility toward Canadians.

About: If it's difficult to know how to write a review, it's equally hard to describe what Infinite Jest is about. It's about so many things, tennis, addiction, communication (failures), and entertainment among them, but I'll do my best. Beneath all the numerous characters, timelines, and subplots, the main plot is about a film so entertaining that it kills anyone who watches it, robs them of all desire to do anything but watch it until they die, and what a faction of Canadian assassins will do to possess it. The auteur is James Incandenza, a suicide whose son, Hal, is a prodigy at Enfield Tennis Academy. Next door to E.T.A. is Ennet House, a drug rehabilitation center where Don Gately, former thief and Demerol addict, is taking it day by day to stay sober. Though they don't know it, Hal and Gately are connected, and the deadly Entertainment and those who seek it draw their paths closer and closer together.

Thoughts: It's rare to find a book that is actually as smart as it claims to be, but IJ is--certainly much smarter than I am, despite all my attempts to make sense of it. It starts off strong and doesn't let up for several hundred pages, which is a huge achievement all by itself. Wallace excels at writing extremely polished sections that could almost function alone as short stories, and the first chapter is one of my favorites in all fiction. It's reassuring, I think, to start the book off on a strong note, in case we worried we were in for a thousand pages of tedious slog. It can be both, but it's often heartfelt, insightful, and funny as well, and the payoff is well worth the effort. I don’t know how Wallace manages to pack every page with so much meaning. Anybody can put tedious lists in their books or make reading purposely difficult (and I have attitude about writers who do this for no reason), but there’s nothing haphazard about this book, despite its size and varied focus. Everything seems utterly intentional. The conversations are really top-tier; Wallace has a great ear for how people talk, and it's a fascinating look at how communication works and doesn't work.

Thematically, I think the book succeeds on more than any other level, including plot or structure. If we could say this book is "about" anything, we would almost certainly start with the themes and not the plot, which is often secondary to whatever point Wallace is trying to make at the moment. It takes an in-depth looks at things like addiction, depression, loneliness, failed communication, sincerity v. irony, critiques of postmodernism and metafiction (while being very meta itself, at times), and the very specific selfishness of an American culture that insists on freedom even to the point of self-destruction. At times, it feels a little heavy-handed or like it was yanked right out of an intro to philosophy course, but I suppose something in a thousand pages has to be obvious if we're ever going to pick up on it. A lot of these themes resurface in his other work, from "This is Water" and "E Unibus Pluram" to Orin Incandenza's Brief Interview style Q and A (and he would be a perfectly fitting character in that book).

The characters are some of my favorites in literary fiction as well, particularly the Incandenza family and Don Gately, and to a lesser extent Joelle Van Dyne (although Wallace typically doesn’t write female characters very well, and she comes with some issues). Hal and Gately couldn't be more different; Hal excels at everything he's ever done, and Gately has a record that includes accidental homicide on it. Hal is the hero of non-action, since little that happens in the book is engineered by him, while Gately is closer to the more typical hero of action, who defends the undeserving at great cost to himself. Yet their struggles with addiction are similar, and they both manage to be incredibly sympathetic characters. In my opinion, the book is always at its best when we’re with Hal or Gately, but I’m strongly driven by good characters. Despite being dead, James Incandenza's presence is also felt all over the book, from the Entertainment he created to his haunting ETA and sticking beds to the ceiling (probably the weirdest ghost I've ever seen in fiction). He's a tragic character in a book full of tragic characters. The others are too numerous to name, from the other tennis players at ETA and recovering addicts at Enfield, to the various bystanders populating Boston. We get brief glimpses into almost all of them, and while they may not all feel relevant at the time, most are memorable or heart-wrenching or slapstick funny, or all three. It's a book that contains multitudes.

That's not to say it's always on point though, and it isn't. There are a number of very serious problems with representation in this novel, and they're as bad as its detractors claim. A lot of the 90s humor aged very poorly, but that's not an excuse for some of the unabashedly racist depictions of African Americans, the uncharitable descriptions of Steeply's and Poor Tony's cross-dressing, or--however much I love him as a character--the fact that Mario Incandenza’s descriptions are ableist in just about every possible way. Wallace thinks he's capturing "voice" when he's really encouraging harmful stereotypes. The humor of the novel often doesn’t depend at all on these stereotypes and would in fact, be a lot more funny if I wasn’t spending so much energy cringing at it. So many of the little racist and ableist asides could have easily been edited out of the entire novel to make it less offensive. There are also sections where he seems at pains to be as gross as possible for its own sake. There are plenty of things grim or uncomfortable or flat out distasteful about this book, but sometimes the graphic violence kind of jumps out and stabs you in the eye, say, with a railroad spike.

If there are times when I was totally absorbed in the little tragedies of the Incandenza family or Gately's struggles, there are plenty more where it's like pushing something heavy up a hill. No lie, some of it is slogging through tedious minutiae and various experimental writing styles (some more successful and less offensive than others). Wallace has a gift for purposeful tedium; it’s at its peak in The Pale King, but he gives it a nice warm-up round here. The novel is difficult and meant to be, since Wallace maintained that some of the best pleasures are the ones we have to work for, and he's not totally off base. There's something very satisfying about living, for a time, in a book that spans a thousand pages, that demands focus and perseverance, and manages to give back (almost) as much as it takes. The book is always structurally interesting, but it starts to get more complicated toward the end as various characters and plots begin to almost slide into one another. I forgot how frustrating it was to near the end and realize--again--that it wasn't going to wrap up with any kind of satisfaction; the various plots slide, but they don’t meet. I thought if I paid closer attention on a second read that I would pick up more of the plot things I’d missed on my first, but I think the problem is that those answers simply aren’t to be found in the actual text. Of course, they can point us toward various conclusions, and the novel certainly encourages us to speculate and make connections, but I don’t think the actual answers are there.

That brings me to some of my final thoughts, for now. There's no doubt that this is a hugely successful book, and I believe it accomplished exactly what Wallace meant it to do. He jokingly referred to it as a failed entertainment, much the way Jim considered his lethal Entertainment a failure, but I have the sense that Wallace, unlike Jim, failed on purpose. The book purposely pays more attention to structure and theme than it does to plot or character, yet the plot and characters are hugely compelling for what we see of them. Imagine the book it could have been if he had paid equal attention to all of them. Wallace attempted to create a book that people wouldn't want to stop reading. Reaching the end certainly encourages us to begin again, as the first chapter is actually the last in chronology, but that trick only works the first time. By my second read, I realized that starting over wouldn't help me fill in any of those blanks or answer any of my questions, and I was content to let it go. On the one hand, IJ depends upon its structure to tell the story it's telling. On the other, think of the book it could have been if it spent more time telling a story and developing its characters and less time belaboring a point. It's one of the best books I've ever read, and the tragedy is that I think it could have been even better.

[owlmylove]

Hi! So I started watching haruhi bc of a couple of your posts and after two episodes in..... haruhi (the character) is really unlikable. Like kind of cruel unlikable. So I have to ask—does she grow or change at all? Is this just another feature of the show? Am I not getting it? 🥲😅

Hi! Firstly I’m so flattered I could convince you to give it a watch, but secondly: I don’t think you’re “not getting it” at all. I’m assuming you saw the post where I mused on whether or not the show would still be likable for new 2020 viewers? This might be a big part of the answer (so, hey, thanks for helping me answer that question!) but, unfortunately, the short answer is: she does grow, but I can’t guarantee she gets any more conventionally likable

long answer: 

as an early 2000s show, The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya depicts some much ruder (and crueler) behaviors than I think would fly in 2020. having last seen the show in the late 2000s as an adolescent, I was surprised by just how many things I’d forgotten about were played for laughs that, these days, no one would laugh at (the fucked up computer club blackmail scene, for instance, could only ever be animated in a pre-MeToo era) 

The show also does this weird 2000′s thing (or maybe modern anime does this too and I just don’t watch it??) where they have a female character engage in uncomfortable, abrupt, and casually sexual behaviors that are rude or predatory on a male character, but were at the time dismissed as a “quirk” in a female character. then, they have a male character admonish her behaviors as a sort of white knight or remain blissfully unbothered by it. ultimately, neither of the two male characters actually do much of anything to limit or check her behavior

Having just rewatched the show, I was struck by how clearly Haruhi’s character wasn’t written by a woman. I felt more sympathy for my interpretation of her, and how any high school girl would feel in her shoes, vs. any of the show’s actual depictions of her. You’re completely right: the show seems to actively try to render their heroine unlikable, and all of this text is meant to better explain those hurtful behaviors, not excuse them

Semi spoiler alert: the entire premise of the show depends upon Haruhi’s friends keeping her happy in order to keep the world safe. This narratively allows for shenanigans to ensue, but it’s not great for concerns regarding coerced consent and for Haruhi to grow as a character. She’s kinda lazily penciled in as having manic depressive mood swings, not obeying social cues, and not having much experience with friendship. All of those traits could be room for some really interesting character development to occur -- and I DO think some of it does! Just, maybe not to the extent you or I are hoping for -- but it feels like most of her character development gets shoehorned into a romantic angle, rather than a self-growth or platonic angle. Both of which are the stories I would actually like to see more of

rewatching the show this last week (for the first time since maybe 2009, god) also revealed to me how much the animators hide when Haruhi cares. or when she’s considerate, or thinking about something other than herself - a lot of her more emotional acts towards Kyon are veiled with yelling, and there’s scenes where it seems like she knows she’s doing something wrong and/or is trying to find a better course of action, but lacks the necessary social skills and the strength to admit when she’s wrong. there’s one REALLY hard to watch scene where she squirms, frowning as she bonks Mikuru on the head with a hollow plastic tube, seemingly uncomfortable with her own actions but, rather than using this a teaching moment or correcting her, it just becomes an excuse for Kyon to get loud and angry

there’s growth, but the narrative can afford to be lazy with her growth and compassion for others thanks to the plot point of, “no one can tell Haruhi not to do something except for the high school boy with a short temper.” honestly, both Haruhi and Kyon strike me as underdeveloped? although they grow to accept themselves and each other more over the course of the show (and especially The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, which is maybe the one thing worth watching the show for when it comes to character development) neither of them really offer the kind of narrative personal growth I’ve come to expect from newer stories, such as The Good Place

Sorry for the tldr, but maybe a good summary would be: Haruhi at times feels like a two-dimensional wish-fulfillment character, the tsundere equivalent of Megan Fox in the Transformers movies. she’s almost an anime Manic Pixie Dream Girl, with a potentially fascinating character premise that’s kinda lost in lazy writing and “quirky”, cruel behaviors that made her a fresh character at the time of the show’s creation. I think there’s some kindness and self-growth to be seen in her arc, but you have to look hard for it 

I’m sorry the show’s not living up to my posts about it, because I know just how much of them were fueled by my own, giddy joy of nostalgia nostalgia & rediscovering how cool the premise could have been. But the execution definitely has its flaws, and I’d be far from offended if you decided not to keep watching! Honestly, a pretty similar character/club dynamic can be found in 2012′s Hyouka, and it’s a much kinder show besides. I hope you’ll enjoy whichever you watch, and thanks for giving me some much-needed perspective on how TMoHS appears to modern viewers!! 

[god-zico]

[Disclaimer: This Chatbot blog is not affiliated with SKZ at all and doesn’t represent them in any way, shape or form! This was made for entertainment and fun only!]

This chat bot will have: 

↪NSFW content of all kinds-

Example- 

Violence 

Smut

Etc.

Please do not interact unless you're 18 or older or uncomfortable with such themes!-

Please keep in mind and remember that this is also a supernatural chatbot!

How to activate: 

Please follow me and make sure to click the button for notifs. That's optional but it would be helpful in case I post that I won't be active for a period of time or whatnot 

Please reblog and message first!

Please dm me your name, your pronouns, your kinks, a safe word, which member you would like and whether you're a top, bottom or switch!

Explain to me what direction you would like the plot to go and what type of relationship you'd like to have with your desired choice of boy!

I will most likely ask you questions to get to know you and what you want a bit better

Maybe tell me a bit about yourself. That's optional but it'd make me happy if you did! 

How to deactivate:

Simply say "I'm sorry, this isn't working out. Lets break up." 

To reactivate simply say "I made a mistake, please take me back." 

Be warned that depending on which member you choose, each will react differently. Some will act cold, some will be assholes and others may just be slightly distant until you can earn their trust again so be careful breaking up with them. 

Additional Information:

Please I am only one person so if I reply slowly please forgive me ok-

My time zone is EST 

Please don't let the rp get out of hand with pure smut. Don't get me wrong I like smut but I'd like to create an interesting plot with you and get to know you as well. I'm a hoe for that storyline- 

This is my first time running a chatbot blog so please forgive me if I make any errors~

To talk to admin while rping please you " // " before you type so that I know you're talking ooc or submit an ask.

I rp lit and semi lit but i have no problem using non lit if requested. Please know that when I rp my replies are quite long and can and will take me from 5 - 10 minutes to reply back if you don't request a specific type of rp style. 

I will not be adding Woojin to the mix as for obvious reasons- 

Jeongin will be part of the list of boys you will be able to pick from. He's a legal adult so don't @ me ok-

Sometimes I forget to reply so if I don't reply for more than a day, I give you full permission to spam my bitchass as much as you like until I reply-

But at the same time if I slow down my rp with you so much it might be because I've lost interest-

Not trying to be harsh but if our rp is purely smut and no story line I just don't find it fun anymore-

Now since that's been taken care of, let's dive into the members prompts and plot lists-

Bang Chan(Werewolf Shifter): 

NSFW

He's a werewolf with a serious dEddy kink-

Can be both a hard and soft dom. Just depends on the moment. 

Can and will fuck you into the mattress-

Won't submit unless forced to because he's a stubborn little bItCh!

Don't disobey him or else you'll be punished-

Call him Chris or Daddy to get him wound up

Has a breeding kink due to his ruts (I'll avoid this kink if you request-)

Boi moans….a lot...

Actually it's not just moans, he grunts and groans and makes tiny noises but he honestly tries not to-

Boi has his hard dom reputation to live up to!

Also! Dear Lord-....being a wolf sure has its pros but for you they may as well equal to cons as well-

Example! Dude has super strength, baby and not to mention he's got this predator/prey thing goin on with him-

Like….will literally hunt your ass down in the house and fuck you upside down, forwards, sideways, you name it! 

He sees you as his play thing and would enjoy it if you ran so that he could chase you down- 

SFW 

He's actually super sweet

Loved to cuddle. Remember he's basically a puppy-

He gets jealous easy so refrain from bringing up other boys (unless you choose more than one boy but he still gets a tad bit possessive so….yeye) 

Will kiss you and hug you constantly 

Will not quit calling you cute/adorable cause he does not lie. All of y'all are cuties-

Please be cautious on a full moon, he can get pretty dangerous- 

Lee Minho(Warlock):

NSFW 

Ya boi likes to use certain spells to his advantage in the bedroom-

Aphrodisiac spells, conjuring up ice or candles or temperature play, using his magic to bind you to the bed without any sort of restraints, etc.

Dude has a crazy high sex drive tbh. He can go when-ever for how long where-ever

Hard dom for sure and will only submit if he wants something from you or will use it as leverage to punish you later- 

Don't make him angry! This boy is into all kinds of kinky shit and will punish you however he sees fit- 

If you happen to make him submit though he's got a softer side to him and will be extremely bratty! 

SFW 

Ok but seriously…. he's crazy good at magic 

Uses his powers to do pretty much everything-

Cooking, cleaning, potion brewing, etc.

Loves to use body manipulation to force your body into his so he can cuddle you-

He may not seem like it but he's a big ol softy-

Please kiss him! He needs to be loved on back or else he'll get clingy!

Seo Changbin(Incubus):

NSFW

Please beware of this boy's sex drive! It's way worse than Minho's! 

Like not even kidding! Boy can fuck you nonchalantly af while doing anything and not seem bothered! 

You on the other hand will most likely be a moaning mess while he's barely paying attention

He can and will fuck you silly without even trying-

That ability is literally in his genes seeing as he's basically a sex demon- 

He has a fascination with sex toys but barely uses them as he tends to forget about them easily

Will literally fuck you randomly-

Oh your doing paperwork? Not anymore! Watching tv? Nada! Cooking? Nope!

He's a huge switch but doesn't mind mainly domming if you're not a switch or dom yourself-

SFW

This man is basically a 5 year old in a man's body sometimes-

Like he does some of the dumbest shit you could think of…

Sliding down the stairs on a piece of cardboard after pouring water down them is a prime example-

Even though he's a literal idiot he knows you love him and wouldn't have him any other way. 

Majorly cHaOTic- 

He tries to act all tough and cool but honestly he's a big ol baby!

Speaking of baby-

Boy loves to be babied as much as possible even if he doesn't admit it. 

Like he just loves cuddles and any type of skinship tbh.

Will kiss you when you're unprepared and will laugh at you if you get startled-

May sometimes randomly text you out of pure boredom cause even though he's an incubus, boy still suffers from quarantine boredomitus- 

Hwang Hyunjin(Dragon Shifter):

NSFW

Ok so...another boy with a breeding kink???!!!(If you request to not have this kink I'll avoid it)

If you're into the breeding kink thing, he will literally fill you up until you're oozing and simply cannot hold anymore of his essence- 

No pregnancies though cause….gross...children *shudders in disgust* 

Will degrade you until your a crying and whimpering mess for him

Will most likely demand that you beg for his cock-

He's fuckin extra like that. Don't ask me, I don't make the rules. Someone call him up and ask him why tf he's like that. 

Sinful moans to the max! He's very vocal during sex!

Like...dirty talk is a must! He says some of the most sinful shit you've ever heard-

I know I mentioned degrading but damn can he praise you to the moon and back as well if you're being a good little girl/boy for him-

Enjoys calling you princess for some reason.

SFW

As a dragon, he hoards "treasures" 

Which means everything shiny in your house is getting tucked away into his nest of blankets, pillows and covers. 

Boy can breathe fire so he does little tricks with his fire breath for you

Make sure you tell him how talented he is or he'll get cranky 

He's a sassy little shit!!!!!! Sdhkedjalwld!!!!!!!!

Teases you just to see you get upset

Since he's a dragon he can regulate his body heat so when it's cold he's basically your personal heater. 🤗

Han Jisung(Tengu):

NSFW

Bird boi is at max horniness all the time tbh. 

Most of the time,since he's part crow, he will make a nest in the bed with covers and pillows before fucking you???

Don't judge him, he's born like that-

He can and will use his wings to distract you

If your successfully distracted he will pounce on you as if he were part cat instead of bird- 

He likes missionary or doggy style if his wings are out so that it doesn't hurt or strain them. 

He's a cocky little shit tbh-

Says some of the crudest shit just to get you flustered. He has no censor and he just keeps on goin-

Will thrust into you with no mercy because he knows his baby can take it and will use the safe word if it gets to be too much.

Does not hold back on the kinks! He will try anything at least once! 

Unless its bdsm while his wings are out cause that's dangerous-

SFW

He too like Hyunjin, likes to steal your shiny objects such as jewelry and such. 

It's not his fault tbh, it's purely his genetics

And in all fairness, he desperately tries not to but his genes always get the best of him-

He likes to watch you dance. He doesn't quite know why, it's just really hypnotic 

Has tried to befriend birds at the park before-

Didn't work. They just flew away from him like they do normal people-

Speaking of birds, he once almost lost his shit when he saw someone throw breadcrumbs on the ground and damn near threw himself to the floor to get to them-

He's lowkey a dumbass tbh. Smh- 

Lee Felix(Vampire):

NSFW

Major blood kink-

Like his dick will get 10× harder at the scent of your blood.

Being a vampire, he finds it hard to control himself around you if you start to bleed. 

Will suck hickies onto your skin before, during and after sex-

He just likes the teasing temptation to bite you as he can taste the blood buildup under your skin 

Will sink his teeth in your neck, wrists and thighs without so much of a second thought- 

Would honestly love it if you pulled his hair while he drinks from your thighs

And then would totally eat you out as if he were starving right after feeding of you- 

And honestly, he's damn good with his tongue!

Also, boy has a deep ass voice! 

And if you can get off from it, he'll use it against you for sure-

SFW

Since he's a vampire, he likes to use his super speed to scare the fuck outta you

Like you'd be doin something and outta nowhere he'd pop up right in front of you-

Queue girly startled scream from you~

He'd laugh at you after cause he finds it hilarious.

He gets kinda clingy but his skin is cold so make sure you wear warm clothes when cuddling him 

Speaking of cuddles-

It happens everywhere and all the time

His duality is like a light switch btw

One second he's all giggly and happy and the next he's all serious and deep voiced-....

Won't let you leave the house at night...like at all

Will most likely hunt you down if you happen to sneak past him and actually make it outside-

Kim Seungmin(Merman Shifter):

NSFW

Has a corruption kink

Choking kink to the max

Literally will eat you out in the water

Enjoys seeing you squirm

Forced submission is his domain

Will act bratty and deny you everything until you’re so worked up that you end up begging

He likes testing your limits and will push until he sees fit (with consent ofc-)

Switches between a hard and a soft dom just to confuse you

Will smile innocently as he watches you squirm, as if it wasn’t his fault because it’s not-

Literally the god of edging and orgasm denial

Is more of a lazy dom, he’ll be laying down while you suck him off as he fingers you open slowly

Can be on bottom or top, but he’s the one in control unless said otherwise

He likes it when you suck on his fingers without him having to tell you to

Will 10/10 take advantage of you if you waltz in drunk (would have to be discussed beforehand)

SFW

Literally will cling to you 24/7

You’ll walk in on him half asleep in the tub in the middle of a bubble bath at midnight

Will accidentally flood your kitchen sink because “there needs to be more water in the house”

Constantly needs to consume or be submerged in water or else he’ll get sleepy

He eats a lot of Tic-Tacs- like, a lot

Enjoys blowing up bubblegum and always has some with him

He goes crazy for bubbles so blow some with him

Likes to dance with you randomly to whatever song is playing

He enjoys planning surprise dates!

Ice cream fanatic- he goes crazy for that, it’s a wonder why he isn’t broke yet

Actually worries a lot about you and will constantly baby you

Likes to listen to soft classical music when he’s sleeping

Loves to prank you and then cuddle you afterwards because he needs attention-

Yang Jeongin(Angel):

NSFW

Boy has an oppa kink for sure-

Call him oppa, he gets a kick out of it

As an angel he has a softer way of turning you into a whining mess than the rest.

Much like Jisung, he will use his wings to distract you but will be more subtle about it-

Please say everything and anything that's unholy. He will get a kick outta that too-

Likes to please more than to be pleased

Like….sit on his face and he will go at it for hours baby-

He will honestly love to be subbed and put into his place

BUT

When he doms you, you best believe that you're in for a ride

He enjoys bdsm quite a bit. Maybe a little too much.

Like, as long as his wings are tucked in, please tie him up

And if he's dom he'll waste no time in making sure that your arms and legs are tied/cuffed to the bed posts.

Also has a sensory deprivation kink along with overstimulation-

SFW

He LOVES to be babied tbh

Like please watch disney movies with this moron

Enjoys sweets a little bit too much- 

Can actually cook pretty decently so you know for sure you won't be going hungry-

Can and will sing you to sleep cause he knows he has a beautiful voice

Sassy and conceded little shit-

When bored, he will bug you for hours on end until you entertain him 

Please give him extra love and affection cause he will die on the spot if you refuse to- 

He's really silly and extra so be prepared for multiple surprises around the house

Like sticky notes on the fridge or counter saying "I love you" and "I may be an angel but you're my saviour" and other cheesy shit like that-

Ok but....how the hell did this also turn in a headcannons post????

Anyways enjoy and choose wisely! Remember that you can pick more than one member but if you could kindly keep the max to 3 that's be helpful- 

Have fun and don't be shy to dm or ask me anything, my lovelies!!!

[dropintomanga]

I Give Up on Anime (Almost) - A Discussion on Anime vs. Manga

Over the past few years, I started to enjoy anime a lot less than I used to. I used to watch quite a bunch of anime series around 2013-2015. Since then, my anime viewing has went down to almost zero while my manga consumption increased steadily. I sometimes felt I was the only person left behind as almost all my friends and peers talk about what’s hot and not each and every new anime season.

I don’t know if it was a sheer coincidence, but I found a Reddit manga thread that spoke to me and maybe some other people. A user on the platform honestly asked “Is anyone else literally unable to watch anime since you got into manga?”

The premise behind the post was that the user felt like anime takes too long to get going while in a few short minutes, plot development in manga ramps up. There were about 750+ comments chiming into the discussion. A majority of fans do feel that anime wasn’t worth their time as manga is still serialized even when a 12-24 episode anime season ends. Some fans feel that a lot of anime adaptations tend to be subpar. There’s also still the argument that anime adaptations are just advertisements for the source material that is the manga. Some discussion about clever usage of manga panels telling a quicker story was mentioned as well. And of course, multiple fillers is another big reason for fans’ preference of manga over anime.

But when I think about the argument about anime adaptations being ads, isn’t that a good thing? This is true especially in America, where most fans tend to read/buy manga after noticing how hot an anime series is. In Japan, a decent number of manga sells well before an anime adaptation is announced. However, even constant “ads” become annoying over time when the novelty wears off.

It doesn’t mean that certain series are necessarily better as manga though. The best example I can give is Gintama. Sunrise, the studio behind the anime adaptation, goes balls-out on the series. I love how all the Gintama voice actors take so much pride in their roles. I sometimes find Hideaki Sorachi’s art to be lacking in certain areas and Sunrise helps to enhance it. It’s funny because reading chapters of the Gintama manga made me enjoy seeing its eventual anime adaptation. I think it depends of the kind of series you want as anime. I don’t think every seinen series should be anime as a good number of them are much slower-paced even if there’s action. Certain slice-of-life series (Yotsuba&!, a much-demanded series for an anime adaptation, comes to mind here) might have pacing issues when put on a TV screen versus a drawing board. 

Someone on the Reddit thread did point out a potential elephant in the room - isekai light novel adaptations. Isekai is pretty much everywhere and a lot of the series aren’t always of the best quality. But so many fans worldwide eat it up because of fantasy tropes. I remember reading a convention recap of New York Comic-Con one year and the writer, who is a manga reviewer, of that recap noted that while waiting inside a panel room for a manga panel, he went through a Sword Art Online panel. The writer found it somewhat depressing that there were a ton more fans at the SAO panel compared to the manga panel that happened later. I think he said what he said because the lovable diversity of manga titles out there is being passed over for an isekai series whose reception gets divisive pretty fast.

What to say about fantasy tropes? I remember trying out one of the hottest video games today, Genshin Impact. After playing it for a few hours, I just gave up and that’s not because of the gacha mechanics. I wasn’t invested in the story as it sounds like stuff I’ve heard over and over again. Genshin Impact plays up fantasy anime tropes that I’m mostly over at my age.

I think maybe my mind is not satisfied by tropes that are just easily rehashed. However, that kind of thinking has been challenged at times. For starters, I really enjoy Kaguya-sama: Love is War. I don’t like romantic comedies, but the way the story is told in Kaguya-sama and how it gives every character a good amount of emotional depth has left me impressed. The serious stories being jumbled in reminds me so much of Gintama.

Maybe the real elephant in the discussion is the usage of common tropes and how often they’re used to cater to the lowest common denominator. I know manga can be guilty of this, but anime adaptations make them a lot more visible. That’s because most people would prefer watching anime a lot more than reading manga. Anime is a more mainstream form of media. You need to appeal to those fans a lot more as they bring in more money via other means (The Demon Slayer: Mugen Train movie is a big case of this right now) than just manga volumes. 

Combine that with how consuming anime is more passive than reading a manga and you may have fans who just don’t stop and think about the media they consume. I sometimes feel that anime production committees view fans as mindless consumers of media and only think of them as such. I also wonder if fans reinforce that thinking since corporations enable them to do so.

Honestly, I think in my case, when you learn something that’s outside your comfort zone, you start to come down with uncomfortable truths. I’ll admit that there’s a little cognitive dissonance, but I’ve accepted that my mind has changed. Maybe I was never much of an anime fan in the first place. Maybe I realized watching anime takes up much of my time. A lot of folks stay away from certain truths since people are afraid to admit that they may be wrong about certain things. This is what happens when you begin to understand more about the psychology of crowds/groups and public opinion. I like being in solitude to reflectively gather my thoughts. Being outside of a “popular” group doesn’t subject you to certain cognitive bias that can become damaging over time.

I watched a panel featuring the digital manga service Mangamo and one of its executive editors said that he’s always been more of a manga guy. He said he doesn’t watch much anime with some exceptions (Japan Sinks 2020 was a relevant example, he gave). I’m still going to watch anime series here and there because hey, I got to preach some notable series worth everyone’s time.

I know I’m talking out of my butt here, but I feel that discussing a topic like “why manga over anime?” and vice versa (in a way that doesn’t become a shouting match) is warranted. Hell, I think it’s best to discuss both at the same time. It’s conversations like this that develop into newer insights. I wish more people realize that despite whatever you prefer, anime and manga are very much yin and yang to each other. I think experiencing both anime and manga worlds lead to a better appreciation and understanding of why Japanese pop culture media fascinates us and will continue to do so.